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kasienda · 1 year

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Restorative Justice - Ch 5: Acknowledging Harm Pt 2

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Chapter 1 - Community Circle

Chapter 2 - Preparation

Chapter 3 - Circle Checkin

Chapter 4 - Acknowledging Harm (Part 1)

Chapter 5 - Acknowledging Harm (Part 2)

Marinette was so absorbed with smiling at Adrien that she completely missed the talking piece, and the stuffed cat went tumbling to the floor. She darted for it and popped back up, her face somehow even more red than it had been a second prior.

Ms. Bustier hid another smile behind her hand and a cough. Chloé sighed at the display. Why had she done this again? They were already so annoying!

And maybe happy, she silently admitted to herself. She could put up with it if Adrien was happy. She could!

Marinette was fiddling with the kitten in her lap, biting her lip in thought, her giddy smile having faded a bit. She opened her mouth once, but closed it again.

“I don’t know what to say,” she finally admitted.

“What’s it like being a superhero?” Ms. Bustier asked.

Marinette pursed her lips. She glanced towards the ceiling for a second before looking towards their teacher. “In the beginning, it was terrifying. I… I actually tried to pass it along.”

Adrien tensed beside her, but Marinette turned to Alya with a smirk. “But someone was too eager to capture footage of a real life supervillain, and she missed the Ladybug Miraculous I had left in her bag.”

Alya’s eyes widened. “You tried to give the Ladybug to me?”

Oh thank god that hadn’t happened! Césaire would have been insufferable as Ladybug! Chloé wouldn’t have been able to stand it if Césaire had been the heroine Chloé admired and looked up to. She wasn’t totally sure why it was better that it was Marinette, but it was.

Maybe she had always looked up to Marinette.

Not that she would admit that to anyone. Nope. Not ever.

Marinette nodded. “After my failure with Stoneheart, I was convinced that I had been chosen by mistake. Like what was special about me? I was pretty terrible at standing up to others even when I wanted to. But you helped me stand up to… uh, my bully when we didn’t even know each other.”

Chloé crossed her arms, refraining from chiming in. But really, they should both be grateful to her. If it hadn’t been for her, Marinette and Alya might not have hit it off as friends. Really, this whole friend group wouldn’t exist without her because who had brought Alya and Marinette together? Apparently, her! Who had pushed Adrien to come to school and allowed Adrien and Nino to meet? Her! And now, who was healing the rift between Ladybug and Chat Noir?

It was all her!

They should be thanking her instead of talking about her like she was just some bitch.

Which she was, admittedly.

But Chloé liked that about herself.

Marinette continued, her eyes bright. “And while I was terrified of Stoneheart, you were so excited, you wanted to be in the thick of the action. You ran towards danger when I wanted to run home and hide!”

Alya’s eyes watered and she covered her mouth under her hands, obviously touched by Marinette’s words.

“Which was the whole problem!” Marinette exclaimed, her hands shooting out. The talking piece was knocked from her lap again. This time Adrien retrieved it silently, handing it back to her with a soft smile. “Because like, you were going to get killed, and I had to put the earrings on again to save you.” She took a breath and then smiled. “My point is, you believed in Ladybug before she had won any battles. And even though I was convinced that you were crazy, I… couldn’t let you down.” Marinette’s eyes were sparkling with unfiltered joy.

Chloé had caused that.

“And everyone I save,” Marinette said. “I always think of them being an Alya to someone else.”

“Girl!” Alya was crying.

Marinette then turned to Adrien. “And you’re the reason I kept them on. I wanted to give them up, but you trusted me that first day even before I trusted myself. You told me that I could do this, and I don’t know why, but I believed you. You’re always there, Chaton. You’ve been there at every low point, at every moment where I’m convinced we’ve lost or that I can’t keep going. You have always given me hope when I couldn’t find any for myself.”

Adrien took her hand again, their fingers interlacing, his lips stretched into a soft smile. He didn’t say anything, but he might have been fighting back tears, too.

Why was everyone fucking crying?

God! This was why Chloé hated circles.

Adrien visibly gripped Marinette’s hands tighter. She brought up the back of his hand and kissed his knuckle as Chat Noir had done to Ladybug so many times.

He choked out a laugh.

Marinette turned back to the group. “And then somehow it became fun. It felt like a game. Every battle was a puzzle. I even had a magical reset button when everything went sideways.”

Then her smile faded and her shoulders dropped.

“I don’t know when it became hard,” Marinette said, her voice suddenly quiet. “I think it was a gradual change. Being a hero bleeds over into every aspect of your life. It’s waking up in the middle of the night because of akumas or just nightmares of previous close calls.”

She looked toward Ms. Bustier. “It’s teachers getting irritated about tardies, or me disappearing from class, or over incomplete homework.

“It’s trying to keep everyone safe by keeping identities secret when literally everyone else on your team wants to do the opposite,” she said, glaring at each of them in turn. Adrien’s face fell in shame. Even Alya looked contrite.

Chloé rolled her eyes. The rules about identities were stupid. Surely, Marientte could see that now. They had only kept her isolated and alone, and created misunderstandings that left Adrien vulnerable. And Marinette, too, probably.

Not that Chloé cared about Marinette.

She didn’t.

Gah! Why was that getting harder to believe?

“-and I want that, too,” Marinette continued, “but isn’t it better to follow the wisdom of the person who did this successfully for two hundred plus years?”

Two hundred years?! The old man wasn’t old. He was ancient! No wonder the rules were stupid!

“My parents want to know about my absences and failed deliveries,” Marinette continued. “They think I’m struggling because I’m clumsy and distracted. And I guess I am distracted, but not for the superficial reasons they think,” she said, her gaze falling to the stuffed kitten in her lap. “And it’s just hard. The whole world thinks I’m a spaz and a flake. And no one really knows how responsible I am, like, all of the time – how much pressure I’m under. And how none of the things they think are important are actually that important.

“But I can’t tell anyone that!” Her arms shot out again in her agitation, one of them even ripping from Adrien’s hold. She turned towards him, looking startled.

She took a visible breath, let her arms fall, and let him take her hand again.

“Even if they’d understand,” she said softly. “Every person I tell is a risk. A way for Hawkmoth to find me. To take my family and friends and use them against me as he already has without even realizing how close he’s come.”

Chloé still thought Marinette was exaggerating. Hawkmoth knew who Queen Bee was, and he had gone after her family three times, and Marinette managed to fix it each time.

“It was better when there was a guardian. When things got to be too much, there was at least one person that I could run to. One adult who could help me.”

Okay so, there were apparently some costs. This ancient guardian Chloé supposed, but Marinette hadn’t lost.

Ladybug never lost. Ladybug always won.

As annoying as that was.

“But he’s gone now,” Marinette continued. “And I’m the guardian. I don’t just have the Ladybug miraculous. I have all of them. I have to protect them. Me! It’s crazy! I’m just a teenager! Who thought this was a good idea? I never asked for this. I never even really volunteered.”

The sudden silence was deafening. Marinette’s gaze was locked on the floor. And no one else said anything.

“We lost once,” Marinette admitted into the quiet. “The whole world was destroyed.”

Chloé blinked.

What?

Ladybug had lost?

“What?!” Adrien breathed next to her, echoing Chloe’s thoughts. Marinette looked up at him, tears in her eyes.

“I guess I didn’t see the whole world, so I don’t know for sure,” she rambled. “But I figured. Paris was flooded without a soul in sight, human or animal. And the moon was… broken.”

“What do you mean, the moon was broken?” Alya asked.

“It was broken!” Marinette exclaimed, her blue eyes flashing. “Like it had been hit with something huge and shattered into pieces. There was still one big hunk but it wasn’t whole anymore.”

It was suddenly hard to breathe, like there was a limousine on her chest. It was so easy to think akumas were no big deal, just minor annoyances. Even if something horrible happened, Ladybug’s powers would just fix it. None of it was permanent. Chloé had never worried about them and she certainly had never cared how many she caused.

From the beginning Chloe had always envied Ladybug, had wanted to be her. She had wanted to be respected and admired like that. Even the first time she had been asked to be Queen Bee it had seemed fun - like a game.

It had clearly never been a game for Marinette.

“What could even do that?” Nino asked.

Marinette glanced towards Adrien once again, her eyes glassy.

“Me?” he breathed out.

She shook her head violently. “No! It wasn’t you!”

“I was akumatized,” he concluded.

Marinette’s crumpling face and trembling chin were the only confirmation anyone needed.

“How?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” Marinette sobbed, tugging at her pigtails. “All I know is that you knew my identity and somehow that led to you being akumatized.”

Every hair on Chloé’s arms shot up straight, every muscle tensed. Had she just screwed up colossally by forcing a reveal between the two of them? Had Chloé just doomed the whole world?!

Chloé did not care about very many people or the future, or really anything, but the whole world?

That was a lot, even for her.

Her gaze darted between the two heroes, her body quaking in her seat. Marinette didn’t seem freaked out at the moment even if Adrien very much did.

And Chloé couldn’t blame him. It wasn’t every day you heard that your akuma was responsible for world annihilation.

“The point is,” Marinette continued.

“Wait!” Chloé interrupted. “You can’t just say the world ended because you learned each other’s identities and then just move on right after you learned each other’s identities! Did I mess up?”

Marinette winced, and she glanced around taking in the tension and panic in the room. Even Ms. Bustier was staring at Marinette with wide-eyed shock. “Sorry,” Marinette mumbled, her shoulders caving in on herself. “I didn’t mean to scare you all.”

“You’re apologizing? ” Alya exclaimed, nearly bouncing out of her seat.

Chloé forced a breath. At least she wasn’t the only one freaking out.

“For scaring us, when you’ve been holding all this in? By yourself?” Alya added.

“It didn’t happen! We made it so it never happened,” Marinette said. “No one should have to be afraid of that timeline!”

But it was clear even to Chloé that Marinette was trying to convince herself more than any of them.

“Marinette?” Ms. Bustier asked. “Are you okay?”

Marinette shook her head rapidly. “I’m just a sixteen-year-old girl,” she sobbed. “I’m not supposed to be responsible for protecting timelines or ancient powerful artifacts that hold supernatural beings. I don’t know how to be a leader. I don’t know how to protect my team or plan for the long term. I don’t have a fallback position.” Tear tracks blotched her face, and Adrien had pulled her into his shoulder. “But what choice do I have?” she sniffled. “If I give it up, I lose all my memories.”

And that sealed it for Chloé. Being Ladybug and apparently whatever a guardian was seemed like it totally sucked. Chloé didn’t ever want to take any of that on.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Adrien asked softly.

Marinette turned to him. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want you to feel responsible or guilty for something you hadn’t even done.”

He was already shaking his head. “You don’t need to protect me,” he insisted.

Marinette’s face twisted into self-righteous-pissed-off Marinette mode. “Like hell I don’t! You sacrifice yourself on a dime all the time!”

He wasn’t fazed by her anger. He didn’t even wince. Just rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. “That’s not what I meant,” he said. “I meant you don’t have to keep things from me to spare my ego. Because we’re in this together.”

His face was solemn and concerned. He held her, and rubbed her back. “I want to help you,” he said, his gaze never leaving hers. “All I’ve ever wanted to do was share this burden with you. And I’m sorry if my desire to date you, protect you, or to share identities ever added to the pressure on your shoulders.”

Marinette was crying. Hell, even Chloé’s eyes threatened tears, but she stubbornly refused to let them fall. Marinette would not see her cry over her.

“I will always help you,” he finished.

“Me too,” Alya chimed in.

“And count me in,” Nino said.

All three of them looked towards Chloé, expectantly.

“What?!”

Alya let out an irritated huff and Adrien had never looked so disappointed with her. But they couldn’t seriously expect her to volunteer, could they? She wouldn’t mind being Queen Bee again, and some part of her craved it. But they all still hated her, didn’t they? She doubted Marinette wanted her help whether the other three thought of it.

But it hadn’t been the worst thing to say apparently because Marinette burst into laughter. Like genuine laughter. Chloé was certain it was at her expense, but whatever.

Chloé supposed at this point she could admit she wasn’t completely opposed to making Marinette feel better.

Marinette rubbed the tears off her cheeks. “Thank you. All of you. Like I was saying, there’s a ton riding on my shoulders and I don’t always feel adequate to the task. It’s just so big! And I’m terrified of messing it up all the time! Even with a time traveling failsafe in place.”

Her gaze turned back to Chloé. “To answer your question, I don’t think you messed up. Because if you had, Bunnyx would have shown up before this circle started. Once I had the whole box, I asked Fluff about it. And I’m pretty sure they said it wasn’t about the reveal itself. Just that particular day.”

“Pretty sure?” Nino echoed.

Marinette shrugged. “Fluff doesn’t seem to perceive time the way we do. Half of what they say makes no sense.”

Chloé shook her head and leaned back into her seat, her head spinning. Marinette lived in a whole different universe as far as Chloé was concerned. Chloé had no hope of understanding it.

Not that she actually wanted to.

The room fell silent.

“Are you feeling better, Marinette?” Ms. Bustier asked. “Is there anything else you’d like to bring up?”

Marinette smiled. Her eyes were still red, but she wasn’t actively crying anymore. “I am feeling a lot better. Thank you. And no, nothing else comes to mind, but if something comes up later I think maybe it’ll be easier to talk about it now even without the benefit of a circle knowing that you’re all in this with me, that I’m not alone anymore.”

“I’m glad,” Ms. Bustier said, smiling.

Marinette passed the talking piece to Nino.

He fidgeted in his seat as he took it. He readjusted his hat and cleared his throat before he spoke. “I don’t know how to follow any of that.”

Ms. Bustier smiled. “You all reminded me that I shouldn’t make comparisons. Just be honest about what you want to talk about.”

Nino nodded, then his gaze turned to Adrien. “So, just to be one hundred percent absolutely clear. You and I are good?”

Adrien nodded, a smile blooming across his face. “Yeah man, we’re good.”

“Just so you know, I try not to spill the beans on anyone. I’m not always good at that.” He glanced at Alya who smirked at him. “I get nervous really easily. I’m a bit nervous right now that someone will take one look at my face after this circle and just know that I know something.”

Marinette smiled. “You’ve done a good job at keeping Carapace a secret until today,” she reassured.

Nino laughed, then jerked his thumb towards Alya. “She figured me out almost immediately, apparently.”

“What?!” Marinette exclaimed, turning towards Alya.

“Nino was gone,” Alya explained. “And Carapace was flirting with me on minute and then trying to take it back a sentence later. Then he kept calling everyone dude. It wasn’t hard to figure out!”

“I think it’ll be okay,” Nino reassured quickly. “I can probably keep a secret from most everyone. She’s the best at wheedling things out of me, and if she already knows-“ he shrugged “-I can probably keep the lid on all this.”

“Probably,” he repeated, not sounding at all confident.

Alya laughed, and Marinette let out a sigh.

Nino readjusted his hat again, looking sheepish. “Anyway. I think for me, the hardest thing about being a superhero is not being a superhero.”

Chloé hated that she could relate to that. She never thought she would have anything in common with Nino. He was so ordinary.

“I faced Anansi without any powers at all. And that,” he broke off in a nervous chuckle. “That was a scary day, dudes. I… remember the panic. I wanted to run but she had Alya, and you,” he said, looking at Adrien, “were caught up in her web, too. And you,” he said, turning to Marinette, “were just gone .”

Marinette winced.

“I don’t mean that as criticism,” Nino told her hastily. “I just… I was terrified out of my mind. Anansi was huge and I had no idea what I was doing.”

He paused. “I still have nightmares about that day, especially when Nora is in town,” he said, flashing Alya an apologetic smile.

“That day was also awesome,” he said, once again facing the group. “Not because I got powers, though those were definitely beyond cool. But because I didn’t know I could do that. That I could step up in that way when it mattered even without a miraculous?”

“You’ve always been pretty awesome in my book,” Adrien said.

Nino looked down at the floor, but a pleased grin was splitting his face. “Then, ever since, when I don’t have it, I want to help, but I can’t. But I feel tempted anyway. And I just have to hang out in the open, hoping I can be found if I’m needed. And that I won’t be in the way if I’m not?”

“I hadn’t thought about that,” Marinette said. “I usually knew where you were because of Alya.”

“It should be easier now, though,” Adrien interjected. Marinette turned to him.

“How?”

“Well, since we all know each other’s identities, we can communicate and coordinate more easily.”

Marinette stared at him for a moment like she had never thought of that. Maybe she hadn’t, but it seemed obvious to Chloé. Adrien had clearly thought about it before. Then Marinette smiled, and turned back to Nino. “That’s true.”

Nino grinned at the exchange. “It’s so cool that the four of us share this.” Then his eyes landed on Chloe and he visibly panicked. “I mean, the five of us,” he rapidly corrected.

Chloé rolled her eyes. “Just stop, Lahiffe! I’m very aware that we’re not friends, and that I’m definitely the black sheep in this group.”

“I dunno, dudette,” he said, smiling at her.

She scoffed.

“You know, the day I met Adrien he told me you were his only friend. That horrified me, and I have never understood why he cared so much about you. But after today, I think I get it.”

She shifted nervously unused to his continued friendly gaze.

“You might fit into our rhythm really well. You seem to have a talent for cutting to the heart of things. Even if sometimes it stings a little bit, it works. You’re a bee.”

Chloé’s throat is tight at his words. Would they really accept her? Even though she was selfish? Even though she didn’t care about other random people? Even if she was a bitch?

Nino passed the talking piece to Alya. She flipped the stuffed animal in her lap once before she started talking.

“Listening to all of you has been eye opening for me,” Alya said, looking at the whole group. “I have always loved superheroes! I have followed their stories both international and local. Getting to be a hero? That was even better! Like a dream come true. Putting on that miraculous and bounding through the city, figuring out how to defeat a villain? Those are the moments where it feels like my life makes sense.

“Being a superhero has never been hard for me,” she continued. “I love being a hero, but I’ve never had to be the hero either. There was always someone else with the final responsibility” She turned to Marinette. “I never understood the weight of if. And I’m sorry if I’ve ever been dismissive of Ladybug’s struggle. I’m sorry I ever tried to uncover your identity, and I’m sorry I tried to keep the fox that first time you trusted me with it.”

Chloé’s eyebrows rose. Alya tried to keep a miraculous, too? It was one thing to have something superficial in common with Nino, but she didn’t want to have anything real in common with Césaire. She just didn’t like it.

“It’s okay,” Marinette said, her lips curved into a small smile. “You did give it back in the end.”

Alya continued as if Marinette hadn’t said anything. “And I’m sorry about believing L-Lila,” she choked on the name and her eyes welled with tears.

Chloé shifted in her seat uncomfortably. Why was Césaire crying? She was tougher than this. Chloé was so sick of everyone crying . They all needed to buck up and fucking deal.

But Marinette didn’t seem to mind. Her eyes positively gleamed.

Alya visibly swallowed. “I need you to understand though. It was so easy to believe her-”

Marinette nodded, not arguing at all.

“I just… you disappear and you’re scattered. I thought you were flakey. And let’s be real, girl.” A fond smile broke through Alya’s tears. “You get into some crazy stuff even without a miraculous when you’re scheming.”

Marinette laughed.

“But I didn’t understand what was actually going on. I would get frustrated, and there Lila was filling that space with an explanation. And it fit,” she said. Her voice had dropped to a whisper and her gaze had fallen into her lap. “That you’d be jealous. It was easy to just believe her. I realize that I was an easy target, but I’m still so sorry.” Then she broke into sobs.

Chloé was vibrating in her seat, not understanding why Alya was so upset. So she hurt Marinette! Big deal! Chloé hurt Sabrina all the time. That’s what gifts were for!

Marinette got up from her chair, came to Alya’s side, and wrapped her arms around her. “It’s okay,” she said softly. “I understand.”

Alya only cried harder, and clung to Marinette.

Chloé stared at the two girls. If Chloé apologized to Sabrina on occasion, would she wrap Chloé up in a hug like that?

And if she did, would Chloé even like it?

Alya eventually calmed, and Marinette returned to her seat. Adrien was frowning at her.

“What?” she asked.

“Why did you never ask me for corroboration about Lila?” he asked.

Marinette’s eyebrows furrowed together. "You said to take the high road."

Adrien’s frown deepened. "That's when I thought she wasn't harming anyone. That’s what I said. Her lies aren’t hurting anyone."

Marinette opened her mouth to respond.

"Wait!” Alya interjected, her eyes flashing with anger. “You knew Lila was lying?"

"I would have backed you up to Alya," Adrien said, ignoring Alya.

Marinette sighed, clearly exasperated. “We've already established that I'm too comfortable with the weight of the world and taking it on all by myself. It didn’t occur to me to ask you for help."

Alya was still glaring daggers at Adrien. “How did you know that Lila was lying?”

Adrien met her gaze. "I was there when Lila and Ladybug met. Let’s just say, they were not friendly.”

"Why did you never say anything?" Alya demanded.

"I did say something the second I realized that she was hurting Marinette!"

"When?"

"During the expulsion hearing. And I may have bribed Lila after that to get her to leave Marinette alone."

Marinette’s eyes bulged from their sockets. "You did what?"

"Bribed Lila?" Adrien repeated, one hand flying to the back of his neck.

"With what?" Marinette asked.

"Industry contacts. We play nice on set. I talk her up to some potentially useful connections."

"Does she deserve that?" Alya asked, her voice tight.

Adrien shrugged. "It doesn’t matter. I doubt she’ll get far. She’s a good liar, but she does it too often. It's only a matter of time before she tells the wrong lie to the wrong person. I've seen it happen."

Alya crossed her arms. "Okay, fine. You're forgiven, Sunshine. I've always thought you were blind. But apparently, I am just as bad."

Nino shook his head. “That’s not true. You’re not blind. You’re the most insightful person I know,” he said.

Chloé rolled her eyes.

“That’s sweet,” Alya said, shooting him a sad smile, but she clearly wasn’t convinced by his totally unbiased and objective opinion either.

“You know,” Marinette said. “I was pulling my hair out when Lila first came to class. I just couldn’t figure out how anyone could believe her. Why couldn't they see through her deception.”

“It seems so obvious now,” Alya said.

“But then, I realized that I had knowledge that no one else did,” Marinette continued. “Because her first lie was about Ladybug. After that, everything she said was suspect. But… I think that if I hadn’t known that, I likely would have fallen for her act, too. And after I realized that, it was easy to just… well, I didn’t exactly get over it, but it was easy to forgive the whole class. It was easy to forgive you, too.”

Alya’s smile seemed more genuine, and her eyes were turning glassy once again. “Thank you,” she whispered.

Marinette’s answering smile was blinding.

The group fell into silence.

“Is there anything else you want to talk about, Alya?” Ms. Bustier asked after a minute.

Alya stroked the toy cat’s ears as if it was a real animal. “Actually, yeah.” But then she didn’t say anything. And the longer she waited the more Chloé knew she didn’t want to hear whatever this was.

“Like I said earlier,” Alya finally said, her gaze locked on the kitten more than anyone else in the circle, “being a hero was always something that was amazing, and I obviously have never really been afraid of the akumas either. But… being an akuma was a very different experience.”

The room remained silent, waiting for Alya to air out fears that in her shoes, Chloé would never be willing to admit to anyone.

“Waking up and not knowing what you’ve done is terrible. Watching the footage and recognizing the akuma as yourself, watching it do things that you would never consider. It’s awful. It makes a bad day so much worse because…”

Alya’s eyes were distant as she trailed off. “There’s no footage of Oblivio. But Lady Wifi, she’s me.”

“She isn’t,” Marinette objected, her mouth twisted into a frown.

“No, she is,” Alya said. “I don’t just mean that she looked like me. She-” Alya broke off and looked towards the ceiling. “She was determined to uncover the truth no matter what it cost. I… I’m like that sometimes. When I go after akumas or a story. I get so obsessed and focused I don’t see anything else.”

Marinette shook her head furiously. “No, you’re not. You might be passionate and determined, but you don’t barrel over people. You have never intentionally hurt anyone in your search for the truth.”

Alya’s eyes turned to Marinette. “But what about accidentally? I feel like it’s not that big of a stretch.”

Nino cleared his throat. “Babe, the difference is, if you did hurt someone, you would feel bad. You would reflect, and you would try to do better. Rena Rage, Lady Wifi, and Oblivio didn’t care.”

Marinette nodded firmly in agreement.

Alya smiled at her boyfriend. “Thank you. That really does help.”

“I told you. The akumas were never villains. They are people who were lost. People who were saved,” Nino said.

Alya nodded, turning back to Marinette and Adrien. “By Ladybug and Chat Noir.” They both blushed under the praise. “Thank you.”

Marienette’s face turned red, and Adrien’s cheeks were almost as dark.

“You don’t have to thank us for that,” Marinette said, her voice small.

“Yes, I do,” Alya disagreed, but she didn’t argue further. Instead, she turned to Chloé.

Chloé tensed in her seat. Alya was smiling at her. Smiling. And not in the smug superior way like she was about to share some joke or slight at Chloé’s expense. This smile seemed almost friendly?

Chloé didn’t like it.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t believe you,” Alya said. “Thank you for bullying me into coming.”

Chloé blinked several times at the girl next to her. Alya was sorry for not believing her? Alya was thanking her for bullying her?

She swallowed, trying to push down the unfamiliar feelings in her gut. Chloé didn’t want their gratitude or kindness. They were all getting way too familiar and presumptuous with her.

Chloé shifted her attention to her nails. “I didn’t do it for you,” she snapped, trying for her usual levels of disdain.

Alya shrugged, frustratingly unaffected. “Doesn’t matter. It was still a good thing.” And then she handed Chloé the talking piece.

Chloé glared down at the toy kitten like it was the current source of all her woes. She felt the weight of eyes on her, but she didn’t look up.

It was so tempting to just pass the talking piece on like she had every other circle she had been forced to sit through. She knew the others would be disappointed with her, but every instinct with her was screaming to not give in. Connections were dangerous.

She had done this for Adrien, and if his beaming smile fifteen minutes ago had been anything to go by, her mission was already accomplished.

She had never cared about any of the rest of them.

And she didn’t care now, did she?

She didn’t owe them anything, certainly not any more vulnerability than she had already displayed.

She looked up into the gentle green eyes of her oldest friend.

She had done this for Adrien and she didn’t regret it. And perhaps, they were not as close as they had once been, but she still cared about him and she knew that he would always care about her.

Connections were dangerous, but some of them were worth it.

She huffed, praying she wouldn’t regret this. “I never really thought akumas were a big deal,” Chloé started. “Annoying? Sometimes. But Ladybug always fixed everything, so what did it matter? I know that I’ve caused a lot of them.”

Adrien shook his head. “You haven’t caused any. That’s all on Hawkmoth.”

Chloé rolled her eyes, and waved her hands dismissively. “Semantics. I just want to say, I will, like, try not to cause so many of them.”

Marinette laughed, and Adrien looked as pleased as the cat that found the cream. Literally. And she liked the feeling that he might be proud of her, but it also made her feel self conscious because for the first time in a long time, it felt like she had something to lose.

It was terrifying.

“I don’t know if I’ll be any good at that,” Chloé said. It’s not like her personality was going to change.

“If it makes you feel better, Chloé, I’ve caused a lot of them, too.” Marinette admitted.

“What?” Adrien objected. “No way! I don’t believe it.”

Marinette’s cheeks bloomed with pink and she looked down. “You might be surprised.”

Chloé cleared her throat dramatically. They both threw startled glances her way.

“We’re supposed to be talking about me,” she snapped, holding up the talking piece.

Adrien’s lips pressed together in what was obviously an attempt to hold back a grin. Ms. Bustier’s sudden wracking cough was definitely not real. And Alya didn’t bother to suppress her chuckles at all.

Chloé scowled at all of them. Here she was trying to participate in this stupid circle and they were all laughing at her!

She crossed her arms and scoffed. The talking piece tumbled into the center of the circle. Chloé stared at it unhappily.

It was Marinette who plucked up the toy and held it out to Chloé. Chloé blinked at the animal in surprise before looking up at Marinette who’s face showed no sign of amusement or laughter at all. Marinette, the girl who should hate her, the superheorine who had blacklisted her, was once again, creating a space for Chloé to speak.

It didn’t make sense!

Marinette shook the kitten, trying to get her to take it. “Well, go on then,” she said.

Chloé slowly gripped the kitten, and Marinette went back to her seat. Everyone’s eyes were on her once again.

She cleared her throat. “When I figured you out,” Chloé began, looking directly across the circle at Marinette, “it actually made a lot of sense. I can’t say I was thrilled, but it wasn’t surprising. Of course you would be Ladybug.” She spat out the words as if they were poison.

Ms Bustier arched an eyebrow. Chloé made herself take a breath and continue with a more even tone. “It made so much sense except for one thing. Why were you ever willing to give me a chance?”

Marinette’s eyes widened. “I–”

“No wait,” Chloé interrupted. She needed to get everything out first. If Marinette spoke before it was all out, Chloé was never sure if she would ever manage to say it all. “Let me finish. I just – I’ve gone over it in my head a million times, and I just… I know I probably never deserved the miraculous, especially if we’re going by Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s self righteous moral code. But you trusted me with it twice.” She paused, searching Marinette’s expression, but she found herself unable to read it. “And then, you told me I couldn’t ever have it again. What did I do wrong?”

Marinette considered her carefully like she was a skittish deer Marinette was afraid of frightening off. “I don’t know that you’re going to like my answer.”

“I can handle the truth, Dupain-Cheng.” she bit out.

Marinette sighed. “The truth is it has nothing to do with you. The first time your father was akumatized, you were uniquely motivated to reach him. It was a strategic decision more than anything. You had what I needed. I didn’t actually trust you.”

Chloé absorbed this bald truth stoically. “And Hero’s Day?” she made herself ask.

“I needed someone with experience. I knew we couldn’t go up against Hawkmoth with someone wearing a miraculous for the very first time.”

Chloé nodded.

“After that day was over, I did think that maybe Queen Bee could help you be a better version of yourself the way being Ladybug has helped me. But then, at the Ladybug and Chat Noir movie premier, you and I teamed up. But at the end of it, I didn’t like myself very much. Kagami didn’t deserve that. I… I didn’t think I should be around you all the time.”

Chloé had been so proud of herself that day for being able to drag Marinette into the mud. Marinette had always thought she was better than Chloé. But that day, Chloé had been able to prove that Marinette was just as selfish as she was.

Except she wasn’t.

Marinette had felt bad.

Chloé had only been frustrated that they hadn’t managed to scare Kagami away permanently.

“Before Miraculer, I was probably just mad at you,” Marinette continued. “But after Miraculer, it became more clear than ever how dangerous it was to give the miraculous to someone Hawkmoth knew to watch. My kwami and the old Guardian had warned me of the danger so many times, but it didn’t really feel real until that day. Does that make sense?”

Chloé nodded. It had been another strategic decision. Chloe didn’t like it, but she understood it.

“So you didn’t really do anything wrong,” Marinette said. “At least, not more than you usually do. I just… I was learning to be a better leader and make better decisions.”

Better decisions that did not involve Chloé using the bee miraculous, or really, and miraculous at all.

And Chloé understood. She did.

Ladybug had never been invested in her. Had never seen a heroine in her. She had only done what was pragmatic in the moment.

Well, whatever.

Chloé had never needed Marinette’s approval before, and she certainly didn’t need it now.

“Thank you,” Chloé said, surprising even herself that she meant it. “For telling me the truth.”

Marinette nodded.

Chloé didn’t need Ladybug to believe in her.

Because she believed in herself.

She handed the talking piece back to Ms. Bustier.

…

#miraculous ladybug fanfiction #chloe bourgeois #marinette dupain cheng #redemption #adrien agreste #nino lahiffe #alya cesaire #restorative justice #talking things out #acknowledging harm #no action #all talk #healing conversations #marinette gets stuff off her chest #sit in a circle and talk about feelings #my own content