#not to mention the completely OTHER fae characters that my sister and I made

[oblivionsdream]

Character idea- a medium runs an antique store and helps ghosts who haunt old objects move onto the after life. One of these ghosts haunts a 1950's rotary telephone and the medium is able to talk to her through the phone specifically but this ghost refuses to move on. Obviously they're lesbians.

Also there's a poltergeist who haunts the store and is just a pest that knocks shit over. The medium never sees the poltergeist (because ghosts can choose to allow her to see them) and so she thinks he's just an annoying pest. Turns out the poltergeist is a ghost cat just doing cat shit.

#i had the idea of communicating to a ghost through an old telephone and it spiraled from there 😂 #i dont have time for it but i wanna sketch them now #not to mention the completely OTHER fae characters that my sister and I made #i do not have enough time for these ideas

[bookofmirth]

The one thing about the mask though is that the Night Court also doesn't have a right to make the decision either (and arguably shouldn't be the only ones in possession of such weapons). I see so many people saying that Nesta was being disrespectful of the IC by not consulting with them, but even if she did and they came to the conclusion to give it away, then the NC would still be in the wrong.

It opens such a big can of worms. You'd have to literally bring everyone in to make a decision including other HLs, Hybern, the leaders of the continent, etc in order to make that call even justifiable bc the NC wouldn't be the only one screwed over if things went wrong. And we all know how politics go... it'd take like a full century for things to be decided lol.

I'm also not arguing this therefore makes Nesta right to just give it up. But the matter is soo much more complex than Nesta should have talked to Rhys and Feyre first.

Oh I totally agree, that's why I never mentioned the IC specifically as being the people that Nesta should have consulted. This is a much, much bigger issue than just the Night Court's ego. It would make sense for her to consult them, considering they are the High Fae that she knows best in the world and they have a lot of world/political/magical experience, but it's not like they ever trusted her. There was also a sense of urgency when Bryce came through. But - like you said, and the reason I said it being an astronomical mistake is not a metaphor - the repercussions are much, much bigger.

I do think that including the other courts in this decision isn't likely because they are all very territorial and possessive. They all have a "my court comes first" attitude. Which... I get. They can't even get their crap together right now to face Koschei. I can't imagine the other courts learning info about other worlds and being able to come to a consensus about Made objects and how to handle Bryce wanting the mask, in a timeframe that wouldn't fuck Midgard over completely.

That's kinda beside the point of Nesta's role, but tl;dr I agree with you! I think that centering the IC and their feelings in what she did is... an odd choice, considering it's not all about them.

The whole thing feels very shoulda, coulda, woulda - but Nesta was faced with a choice, Bryce was in a hurry, and Nesta did what she did. None of the rest of them were faced with that same choice, so it's quite easy to judge Nesta after the fact.

And just to make some things clear, I have actually never been a huge Nesta fan. She's a really interesting character, but she has made me angry so many times. That fight she and Elain have in acosf, where Nesta throws Greyson in Elain's face and insinuates that Elain is to blame for their father's death? Fuck Nesta specifically in that situation.

However - Nesta has changed a lot from the beginning to acosf, through everything that happens in hofas. A lot. If I knew Nesta irl, I would not be her friend. I would honestly react the way that Mor does - I'd try to be nice, Nesta would be mean to me, and then I'd shrug and say okay fuck you too. But Nesta as a character has experienced a lot of growth and change, and while I do think that not reading hofas means acotar fans might not see that right away, I am excited for everyone to see it in the future.

With this fandom it's either the ship war or it's the IC versus Valkyries war or it's pitting the sisters against each other. Just let us have nuanced fucking takes, ffs. (not you anon, I am just ranting)

#nesta #hofas bonus chapter #hofas spoilers #house of flame and shadow #house of flame and shadow spoilers #ask #anon #spoilers

[unlikelysaintdelele]

Let's talk about the pregnancy trope in ACOSF. Keep in mind I haven't completed the book yet.

I personally don't mind pregnancy tropes. I think they're cute and fun, or at least can be. In this case, I think Feyre needed to be pregnant to push Nesta out of her own head. Nesta won't let Elain do anything, and Feyre can't put herself or the baby at risk. Yeah, it was so soon after Rhys mentioned the fae fertility issues, which lessened the credibility of his words to a degree... and the timing could've been better considering how Briallyn and the other human queens are still an issue even after defeating Hybern. But at the same time, the scene with the weaver/shopkeeper from ACOFAS? She mentioned regretting not having kids with her husband because she thought they'd have more time before he died from the war. I'm sure that left an impact on Feyre. She loves Rhys. She wants to experience everything with him. Part of that everything is having a family with him, having children.

I know SJM could have written an alternative to basically corner Nesta into finding the Dread Trove, but I don't know if the stakes would have been the same. Nesta needs to see the people around her, namely her sisters, are moving on, that she can't stay stuck on the past. Also, she's the main character, she needs to be the one doing shit and moving the story along.

Elain can't be the one who finds the Dread Trove because Nesta will do everything to keep her out of harm's way, to a fault. Perfect, we already have that obstacle to her main-charactering out of the way. But Feyre is a strong and capable High Lady who is easily able to use her magic, so Nesta obviously would see no issue with passing off the task to her youngest sister. Perhaps also out of habit from their time in the cabin. Feyre being pregnant makes her going to find it absolutely out of the question due to the difficulty of fae pregnancies. But also, this pregnancy is a reality check for Nesta whether she likes it or not.

Like I already said, she needs to see her sisters moving on. She needs it to see how stuck she is. Not left behind, though she may feel that way, but stuck. (She was never left behind since being made. They let her do as she pleased under their watch because the refused to leave her behind.) Feyre is forming a new family, already has a new family, and Elain is well-adjusted after the trauma they went through. Nesta is haunted by the past and lashes out as a result, but they are still there for her no matter how many times she hurts them. She is already seeing how far apart they stand in terms of healing (I'm on chapter 21... i have a LONG way to go).

Nesta will not break. She's just cracked all over, left sharp and jagged, but she will not break.

Okay bye, I'm sure someone somewhere has shared the same opinion as me already. i just wanted my thoughts put into words for me to look back on. I will likely come back and edit it this when I can find the words to my other thoughts on this subject. Thank you for reading!

#nesta archeron #nesta acosf #a court of silver flames #acosf #acosf pregnancy trope

[acourtofthought]

Hi! I’ve been thinking about possible Elucien plots. Do you think now that Briallyn is gone, Koschei might somehow contact Elain with false promises to turn her back into a human if she hands over the Dread Trove so he can free himself? Briallyn did say there are others in the NC that can help her + in one scene Cassian notes Elain’s tight expression when she says she has to go help an elderly Fae with her garden in the morning.

I think it would be interesting if SJM takes that route. The possibilities with Elain’s character are endless because of how underdeveloped she is plus all the hints that she’s hiding who she is and wants to be to avoid upsetting others/disappointing her sisters if she says or does something they don’t like. I actually wouldn’t mind a trilogy just for her + Lucien… I know it won’t happen, so I’m hoping their book is at least 800-900 pages.

I always took Cassian noting that as one of two things. There are hints that Elain may be an owl shifter so it's possible that as the evening drew late, she felt compelled to shift and just make up the excuse she need to be up early. Or..... "Azriel had needed to stay by the door the whole time because he couldn't stand the sight of it, the scent of their mating bond, and needed to have the option of leaving if it became too much. Elain's large brown eyes flickered, well aware of that. Just as he knew she was well aware of why Azriel so rarely came to family dinners these days." The particular dinner you're referencing is one Azriel was in attendance for. Elain is perceptive and if she knew that Azriel was uncomfortable around her and usually avoided dinners because of it, then she may have made up an excuse to leave the dinner table earlier than the others because of it. If I knew someone was uncomfortable in my presence and it prevented them from spending time with their friends (especially because her sister was getting ready to leave the table which may have been one of the only reasons she stayed in the first place), I'd probably excuse myself too. Truthfully, I'd be surprised if Elain wanted to be human at this point. I don't think she's fully healed from everything that happened but she has made progress and I don't think a big part of her story would revolve around her going backwards especially when there's nothing left for her to go back to. Her father was killed, Graysen fully rejected her and I don't think she'd have hope he'd reconsider, and she now has a nephew in her life. I don't think she's completely happy in the Night Court but I do think she's found enough to want to keep her immortality. Elain sort of grows where she's planted and while I think she's going to learn to fight for more in her book, I don't think she'd do a complete 180 and decide she's so miserable with her current life, she'd align with someone canonically evil that she knows kidnapped other females just to get what she wants. That sort of goes against Elain trying to make the best of every situation which we've seen evidence of. I think she is sort of happy right now but could end up being really happy when she finds the place she's meant to be but I don't think she'd be the kind of character who would be destructive in her efforts to get there. As far as Elucien plots, there are pretty major hints that Elain and Lucien will play large roles in getting Spring back on it's feet as well as their visiting the continent where Koschei is and finding where he keeps his soul. We know Vassa's freedom is coming to an end and since they're both connected to her, it lines up. Not to mention they both have undiscovered powers (I think she's a healer of some sort) and Lucien will have the Helion reveal. Maybe SJM does have something else in store for them, those are just the things I picked up on throughout the series.

#elucien #pro elain archeron #pro lucien vanserra #pro elucien

[thekissingsun]

Books that booktok convinced me to read:

Part 1

ACOTAR series edition

Please note I read the first few books a while ago and as such my opinions may be tainted and I may mention certain events in a book they did not take place in or in a different order

Will include ratings, my opinions and any other bs I feel like adding so enjoy!

A Court of Thorns and Roses

4/5

Feyre was the first female MC that didn't piss me off completely. Granted, before I found booktok I had been reading Wattpad stories but I really liked Feyre still although I was perturbed that her name began with "Fey" and the book was about Fae. Anyway... I stanned Nesta from book 1 page whatever page she was introduced. After Tamlin took her to the Spring Court (and I don't know if this is just my toxic side taking over but) I was hoping Feyre and Lucien would just get together. There's something about side characters that are just * chefs kiss *. I liked how everything made sense and by that I mean the names of characters, how they looked and acted. It was all just perfection to me. And while Amarantha was bad I can honestly say that if my sister were involved and I was her, I would have gone mad as well (not justifying, just acknowledging that there was reason). As for Rhys, loved him, but that was because I thought he was morally grey but Lucien remained my favourite.

All in all, an eye-opener to me that Faerie smut was the piece missing in my life. Loved the book, thought the plot was great and nothing pissed me off *that* much.

A Court of Mist and Fury

4/5

Loved the smut. Firstly.

Secondly, Mor is fantastic. She is just so stunning I can't. Amren was immediately my favourite character (AND SHE REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF EDNA MODE which is probably why I love her lmaoo). Cassian and Azriel are beautiful. Feyre is a bit self-righteous throughout the plot but whatever she's Fae now she can be. Unfortunately, I was so in love with the first book that i started looking up memes and things and so her and Rhys being mates was spoiled for me but loved it nonetheless. The Suriel is a baddie.

Rhys making Feyre HL doesn't sit right with me for reasons that will be explained in the ACOWAR review

A Court of Wings and Ruin

3/5

Feyre and Rhys began to piss me off. I can't put my finger on why, it's not them individually but their relationship is aggravating to me.

In the HL meeting when he said he made her high Lady bc he loves her, her powers have nothing to do with it. LIKE?? The nepotism is strong and she is useless. Literally a lesser fae in Velaris would have been more suited to the position. And then she thinks her word is law like girlie I would not take you seriously.

The Night Court is pretty embarrassing. I mean they can't control themselves in the meeting and attack almost everyone. Pls. Immature. If anything Kallias would have reason to attack and because Rhys actually did something that wasn't saying a few mean words to him.

Nesta is amazing as usual, I feel so sorry for her. Elain can choke.

Was a bit sad that Rhys had to live but anyway

And also what was the point of Amren losing her powers now she's just rude with nothing to back it up like ew

A Court of Frost and Starlight

3/5

The IC piss me off. Just a bit. But enough that I roll my eyes when Rhys talks.

Cassian is just a big heap of love. I've always loved him. I wish Elain would give Lucien a chance he's honestly so precious.

And yes, Feyre, having a child when you know war is breaking out is splendid timing it's not like you have eternity to make a baby. I understand she wanted a piece of Rhys blah blah but like im a bit tired of them.

A Court of Silver Flames

4/5

First of all, would just like to say:

NESTA = PERFECTION

no debate.

The IC can mind their own fucking business. Rhys and Feyre can shut up. I don't know who Elain thinks she is. Amren, literally just go ride Varian and keep your trap shut you have been meaningless since ACOWAR. I don't hate Mor, but she gives obnoxious vibes and I don't like how she treats Nesta.

Rhys is such an arrogant cunt.

Eris has my heart. He can literally rip me apart and I'd apologize.

I've always thought the Autumn Court males were hottest since book 1. There is just something about them that makes me wanna get on my knees.

I didn't like how Nesta didn't touch the stone on Ramiel or whatever it was called. But stan Gwyn and Emerie. Although I don't understand why people ship Em and Mor so much. Unless I'm not remembering something, Em called Mor beautiful or something once and they never properly interacted. Like I think lots of women are beautiful doesn't mean I'm in love with them?? However, I do think Emerie deserves better. Nesta deserves better than Cassian. And Gwyn deserves better than Azriel.

Cassian really disappointed me.

I know my views on characters in SF are explicitly related to how they treat Nesta and despite their being mates he was horrendous.

Always looking for a reason to be angry at her. Always agreeing with everyone's negative opinions on Nesta.

Mor saying she belongs in the CON was despicable and it made me dislike her completely. Like literally shut up. Especially since it's clear we don't know the entire story regarding what happened with Mor and her family and Eris. I'd love to know the full truth because despite "truth" being her power, I feel like she's hiding something on purpose for no other reason than she might look bad. At least that's how Eris made it seem. But really how reliable is he anyway.

In short, tons of questions unanswered that have me craving the next book, tons of characters I now hate. Nesta should never bow down to a bitch like Rhys and Feyre needs to take it down a notch. She is not all that.

Despite the characters pissing me off, I love the story and the plot and how it's written. I do hope the books still coming are in third person POV I like it much better than first person.

I do want more Elain content. She upset me so much when she said she remembers Feyre and Azriel going to save her and not Nesta. Like girl how can you throw the women who loves you more than anything and would die for you under the bus like that. But i feel like there's tons more to her that I can't wait to hear about.

Ask questions below and leave your thoughts but be respectful

Mwah <3

#acotar #feyre #pro feyre #acomaf #rhysand #anti feyre #anti rhys #pro rhysand #acowar #pro nesta archeron #pro eris #eris vanserra #neris #acosf #acofas #autumn court #night court #lucien vanserra #a court of silver flames #autumn court heir

[tyb1]

If It’s The Right Thing To Do (4)

Words:2886

Character: Seth Clearwater

Note: let’s imagine your Sam’s little sister 

Dialogue prompt:“So let me get this straight when I need you you’re nowhere to be found but when I do something dumb you magically appear.”

Series List

tag list:  @alecvolturiswifeforever​ @scoverdale1​ @anndaydreamer​ @fae-lore​ @queen-of-embracing-uncertainty @nickangel13​ @bi-bi-spencer​@a-vild-bluemyrtle​ @little-miss-naill @crystalxavlove @ilovesethclearwater

Seth Clearwater Masterlist

A/N: message me or comment if you’d like to be on the tag list. sorry it took so long I love you guys:)

“I’m sorry Seth but you and I both know that what you’re saying is bullshit.” I snatched my hand away from his chest, the feeling of his racing heart was no longer there. I knew he wasn’t lying about what he said but for his and my sanity, we both needed this to end here. This entire relationship was causing too many problems...well before he decided to join the Cullens. 

“What (Y/N)....what are you talking about?.” He stood there with tears in his eyes, I’m surprised he didn’t let them fall like I was letting mine fall. That was one thing I hated about him. He held in all of his emotions and then when it came to the breaking point he would explode. Trust me when I say it’s not a good sight to see.

I had to put off a bold face for him. I couldn’t let him know that I was actually dying inside. I was letting a few tears slide down my face but that didn’t compare to the aching feeling that I was feeling inside of me. It was the same feeling I felt when he first left me.

“Fine since you want me to say it so badly”- I roughly pointed my finger in his face.- “ Leave me alone. We’re breaking up so don’t call me, or text me until you get your priorities straight. I’ll be home when you get your shit together.” 

Seth couldn’t look me in the eyes, he started to kick the dirt with his feet. The sand below him started to change different colors from the tears that were falling upon it. He started to mumble a few words but the only thing I could hear was. “You don’t have your priorities straight either (Y/N).”

“It’s because I’m dealing with your shit! I’m around here following you like a lost puppy when you only play mind games with me! I’m so done with you and your bipolar ass!” I spat bitterly, I turned my back to him then marched towards Sam. I turned around to look at him once more, I instantly regretted it. He stood there with his hands in pockets with his head still hanging low. His head shot up instantly making eye contact with me, I quickly snatched my gaze away from him. This was going to be a new start for both of us so I didn’t need to be drawn back in with his puppy dog eyes.

Seth POV 2 weeks later

 I was too much of a coward to say goodbye. I was truly heartbroken. I wish I could run to her and tell her that I love her and tell her that I cherish everything about her but I know she wouldn’t believe me. I was all out of options. The only thing that felt right to do was to cry and that’s what I did. I cried so hard that day that Jake had to carry me home on his back. It’s been two weeks since I have last spoken to (Y/N), two of the longest fucking weeks of my life. I thought losing my dad was painful but this...this has won the race. I couldn’t bear the heartbreak so I started to stay out longer. I asked to take over Leah and Jake’s patrol hours. I don’t even remember the last time I ate. I can only remember our last encounter, it’s like a nonstop movie in my head it was causing me to go insane.

I hate it here.

I have been spending most of my days down at the border. I was monitoring the days where Colin and Brady patrolled, they were my best option to trick into letting me cross the border. It was my only way to apologize to (Y/N). So here I was trying to wave down Collin and Brady so I could continue with my ridiculous plan.

“Hey! Colin, Brady pshhh, come here!” I yelled out in the distance to the two wolves. I was standing at the border waiting for them to shift as well. I wasn’t in my wolf form. The last thing I wanted to do was be a threat to them. 

Brady was the first to walk from behind the tree while Colin stood behind the tree too nervous to face me. I could read their body language from a mile away, they were very uncomfortable with being around me. 

Brady snarled at me, I observed as all of the muscles in his body grew tense as he spoke. “I heard you got into it with Paul. He should have ripped your fucking head off.”

“Wow I wasn’t expecting that from you Brady, but thanks I guess.” I wasn’t trying to be an ass but it just rolled off my tongue. Straight away I regretted it, it only pissed him off even more. 

Brady pulled Colin by the collar of his shirt pushing him towards me. The kid could barely keep his posture straight or his eyes focused on me. He had no confidence in his steps and started to trip over the branches on the ground.

Brady pointed between the both of us with his thumb. He had an irritated facial expression plastered on his face. “Tell him what you told me when he left.” he spat bitterly, a small smirk was rising on his face but soon faded as Colin spoke.

“Do I have to?” Colin mumbled, he waved shyly at me. I took this opportunity to wave back to him. I gave him a small smile as well. Colin, Brady, and I were always close but Brady was always the fiery type while Colin was timid.

“Yes, you have to say it!” Brady exclaimed.

Colin rolled his eyes, “Fine, I said that you were an ass for leaving us behind. It wouldn’t be the first time that you left us.” Brady glared at him to continue, “I also said that you have a reputation for turning your back on us.”

I noticed Brady smiling at Colin; he must have felt accomplished. I must admit, I did feel bad, I left them behind but it was some things that they have not come to reality with.  “Listen I need a huge favor. I need you to let me cross the border so I can see (Y/N).”

Brady rolled his eyes, “Wow so you just completely ignored what we have to say? Why would we let you cross the border and jeopardize us? Yeah, that was a stupid request.”

“You’ll do it because I am your superior. In Jakes’s pack I’m the beta...but don’t ask Leah or else she’ll lie. She thinks she’s the beta because she’s older but in reality, Jake named me the beta.” 

Colin had a questionably look on his face, by now he has grown more comfortable with me and now is standing face to face just like Brady. “Why would you want to see someone who doesn’t want to see you?” 

I was taken aback, “Why do you mean? She wants to see me, there is no way that she would not want to see me.”

“Umm I highly doubt it, she’s been living well since the accident. We went skating last week with us and the others. Not once has she mentioned your name.” Brady slapped Colin across the back of his head. I watched as the two bickered back and forth. Brady pushed Colin away from him. He snapped his fingers to gain my attention from my feet. I hadn’t realized that I was getting sidetracked but I was trying to figure out why (Y/N)  wasn’t heartbroken.

“She made it clear that she didn’t want to be around you anymore Seth. Dude if I were you I’d really leave her the fuck alone. She really wants nothing to do with you. If you try to see her she’ll probably freak out on you. You’re pretty much dead to her.” Brady then smirked, “There’s also another guy that has been keeping her busy lately.”

Ouch. Well, that hurt...it actually hurt a lot. I cleared my throat so I could stop the tears from arising. We’re not about to cry in front of them!

Colin now slapped Brady beside the head. “You could have said it nicer, idiot.”

“What! Her words, not mine!” 

“Just forget about it.” I spat bitterly, If you wanted to forget about me and everything we had then so be it. I could forget you just as fast as you did me. I could care less about those stupid ass memories we made together. Just like you said I really didn’t love you it was just the stupid feeling of you being my damn imprint. 

I continued to walk and degrade our relationship. Jake tried to stop and talk to me but I just shoved him out of the way. He started to piss me off as well. He had his nose shoved so far up the Cullens ass he couldn’t tell you what roses smell like. Then here comes my second problem, Leah.  I didn’t dare shove her. I didn’t want to pick a fight with her right now. I could explode on her and say some things I didn’t mean. 

“Where the hell have you been!? Were you down at the border again?”

“Does it really matter?” I rolled my eyes at the screaming woman. If she wanted to be my mom then she should have birthed me out. She tugged me backward pulling her face up to hers. I stared into her lonely eyes as she did the same with me.

“You’re my little brother so you are my business. Stop doing dumb shit, Seth.”

 I ripped my face from her hands. “So let me get this straight when I need you you’re nowhere to be found but when I do something dumb you magically appear.” I already knew where the conversation was heading. I was not in the mood to hear her shit right now because I was a walking bomb ready to explode.

“Did you go see (Y/N)?”

“No! I didn’t see her. Why do you make everything about her? I could care less about her.” I couldn’t control myself. I threw my fist into a nearby tree. It cracked and fell to the ground. I didn’t realize I was crying until I felt the tears roll down my cheeks.  As much as I wanted the tears to stop falling I couldn’t. I have never felt so empty in my entire life. That same feeling of heartbreak resurfaced throughout my body. My chest began to tighten, a sharp pain shot throughout my body as I tried to walk forward.

”Make it stop hurting Leah.” I began to sob uncontrollably. “It hurts so bad, why did she have to go? Why is everyone leaving me? What did I do to deserve this….I just try so hard to make everyone happy but when will it be my turn to be happy?  Mom is fucking dating Charlie now. We barely see her anymore only on fucking holidays!  Why did dad have to fucking go!? And you only check on me when it’s convenient for you Leah! Why is everyone leaving me, Leah!?”

“Seth I-”

I cut her off, “Don’t say it.” I knew I was going to apologize about the accident that happened with dad. I never blamed her for the accident. She didn’t mean any harm by it. I could never bring myself to blame her.

 I started to wipe my tears with the sleeves of my flannel shirt. It brought back the memories of the time that (Y/N) would take my flannel and wear it with her converse and shorts. I started to cry all over again at the thought. I started to choke on my words, everything that was coming out of my mouth was undetectable. “(Y/N) was always there for me and now I chose the bloodsuckers over her. She doesn’t understand that it was the right thing to do. They were going to kill a baby. Leah, I don’t have anyone else. I’m so fucking lonely!” 

“I know how it feels Seth. It hurts like hell but you’ll get over it. I’m sorry that you felt like I wasn’t there for you. I must admit that I was being completely selfish. I love you Seth and don’t you forget that.” I started to relax under her embrace. I haven’t seen this side of her since she and Sam were together. It was good to have her back though. “I love you too.”

I followed her gaze, she was staring up at the stars. “I want you to cry it all out, Seth. All of that heartbreak and sadness you have deep within you I want you to let it the fuck out. If you hold it in it’ll turn into anger then that anger will turn into bitterness. I’ll come back and check on you in the morning.”

I don’t want to be alone…

Leah’s footsteps started to become faint, I was left alone in my thoughts once again. I honestly didn’t want her to go. All I wanted for her to do was to hold me and tell me everything was going to be alright. I was stuck on ground zero like I was when my dad died, no one was there for me except (Y/N). She would probably hold me in her hands while whispering the things I wanted to hear. I wish you were here right now, maybe I wouldn’t be so angry at the world. 

“Fuck it!” I started to yell out in the night air. I threw punches in the nearby tree to try and let my anger out. I hit each syllable of the words in the tree. “Fuck you, Sam! And Fuck you too Paul!! I’m not scared of you!” “I don’t care what anyone does and says to me. I’m going to see her and no one is going to stop me.” I didn’t stop until the tree flew back by the force of my hits.

I shifted into my wolf and ran towards her scent. Brady and Colin were still on patrol however they were both on the other side of the forest. It would take them a while to catch up to me at the speed I was running at. A sinister laugh escaped from my lips. This power or maybe it was the adrenaline….no, this was most definitely power. It made me feel invincible, By no means this was me finally sticking up for myself, or how (Y/N) would say, this was me finally growing some balls.

Her scent was in the direction of the beach, oh how could I miss that scent. I followed the dominating scent but there was something a bit off with her scent. It was a mixture of something foreign. I gazed out to the beach scanning every person that was out there. It seemed like there was a party, there were so many teenagers out around the bonfire. I growled out as I watched you sit on a log with another guy’s hoodie on. His cheap polo cologne filled my nostrils. You were sitting there laughing at something that he said which probably wasn’t that funny. 

“Tch, I want to know what’s so funny.” Anger arose in my body causing my teeth and claws to sharpen. My breathing became irregular and there was a tight feeling in my chest. I tried to ignore it but the harder I breathe the more painful it becomes. I took a step forward and instantly collapsed on the ground. My wolf form quickly disappeared and there I was laying on the ground in the fetal position. I tried to crawl but my body felt numb. The only feeling I had was the tears falling from my eyes down my cheeks and onto the ground. I even tried to scream out your name but nothing came out but a gasping sound.

Was I dying?

I started to cry even harder, the thought of dying always freaked me out but the thought of leaving you with guilt made me feel even worse. The sobs were coming out more frequently than I anticipated. I didn’t have time to catch my breath or even think straight. Everything felt like it was closing on me. The air around me started to thin out making me feel dizzy. The pain in my chest starts to become more unbearable. 

“(Y/N) wait...I..I...can’t breathe!” I choked out the words barely having the strength to do it. My head started to pound from the lack of oxygen I was getting. My hearing was becoming undetectable. I felt my body go stiff and my eyes fluttered shut as well, everything became dark and warm. 

It took every bone and ounce of energy to draw a tiny heart near me. If (Y/N) found me like this then she would see the heart. She’ll know that I died loving her...right? Was I even dying or am I just being dramatic? I don’t know, I just want to embrace the warmness that surrounding me right now. 

#seth clearwater #seth clearwater fanfic #seth clearwater one shot #seth clearwater imagine #seth clearwater x reader #seth clearwater fanfiction #seth #Twilight wolf pack #wolfpack #wolf pack imagine #wolf pack x reader #wolfpack x reader #twilight #twilight seth #twilight imagine #twilight wolves #sam uley #sam uley imagine #Jared Cameron #paul lahote #paul lahote imagine #jacob black #jacob black imagine #embry call #embry call imagine #Quil Ateara #quil ateara imagine #leah clearwater #leah clearwater imagine

[talkfantasytome]

'Twas Never Meant to Be - An Opinion

I have a lot of thoughts about this, and really need to get them out. So, let's talk about Elain and Azriel.

First off, I want to warn you, this post is a beast. Like, over 7.5k words beast. It just kept going. I'm sorry, but I didn't know what to take out and, honestly, I didn't want to spend a lot of time heavily editing it. Tread knowingly. I will not be offended if anyone chooses not to read it, or not to read it all.

Secondly, I want to say that this post is not meant to be a pro-Gwynriel or pro-Elucian post. Regardless of my personal ships, I want to explain why I, personally, do not believe Elain and Azriel would be right for each other. And these reasonings go far beyond "because I'd prefer them with someone else". In fact, these beliefs and feelings are first and foremost in my mind when considering all three of these ships, and any feelings I may or may not have on other ships are always second to my belief that they would not be right together. I will do my best to keep Gwyn and Lucien out of the comparison, unless using them as a way to point to something that would be wrong between Elain and Azriel - versus stating any reason why the other would be right.

The first two reasons I will share are ones I have been holding on to for quite a while, and have only become stronger with more content (Silver Flames). I have, personally, not seen much around these two thoughts, but recognize that they may be out there already, as there is no new thought under the sun. So, here goes:

Step Away From the Characters

Honestly, my first reason really has nothing to do with the characters themselves at all, but it's something I can't get out of my head. It's a personal thing, I know, as everyone might see it differently, but I can't help but feel like the three brothers ending up with the three sisters would be too perfect, too convenient.

I know that it's a shit argument when talking about an SJM book, and the more I read about the series, and the more books that come out within it, the more I recognize this. It makes me sad. But personally, I can't get behind this storyline, this ending that is so perfect it makes my skin crawl. It's not how life works, and it doesn't really make sense. If it were three adoptive sisters, as the bat boys are, it would actually make more sense, because it would stand to reason that you would have a two groups that mirror each other. That one girl who mirrored Rhys, let's say, then befriended to the point of sisterhood ones that mirrored the boys that Rhys befriended to the point of brotherhood. But Nesta, Elain, and Feyre are sisters by blood, not by choice, and so it isn't an automatic that they would be that reflection to the boys. And even though the boys lived together, and weren't fully brought together by choice as much as Mrs. Rhys's mother, they still chose to stay together and be brothers.

We have never, not fully, seen the Archerons make those same choices. These boys live together (or used to), work together, truly share their lives. The Archerons don't. The girls were disconnected before becoming Fae, and they are still disconnected after it. You see it more clearly with Nesta, of course, trying to stay away from the group, stay separate. But you see it with Feyre and Elain too. You see how Elain practically gives up on Nesta, and how Feyre discredits and dismisses Elain as anything more than just a kind soul who likes to garden. You can't, for two seconds, convince me that the Archerons have as similar or as bonded relationships to each other as the bat boys, and that alone tells us that we should not expect them to mirror the boys.

I would also like to note, looking back at the characters for a second, that it has been observed by others how Feyre and Nesta do seem to have similar energies a lot. On top of that, you could argue that Nesta mirrors all three bat boys in one way or another. It's one theory as to why she and Rhys struggle so much with each other, because they're too similar. And, you can't convince me that Az and Nesta don't share a bond because of their own similarities. Nesta's fire was cold as ice. Rhys once observed Azriels rage as an 'icy rage'. I don't think I need to mention how Nesta mirrors Cassian, but it's there too. So, the fact that she would be the sister who ended up with a mate from the Night Court, one of these three brothers, just made a lot of sense. But Elain, who is so different from her sisters, she doesn't have that same energy. It's not a bad thing, but it helps make sense why she would be the one with a mate from outside this Court.

Beyond this, however, I still struggle with the three and three come together concept. And that's coming from someone who actually has, within her family, a story of two brothers marrying two sisters - my great grandparents (or great great, I can never remember). So, I know stuff like this does happen, though admittedly my only experience is with two and two, and naturally I do believe that the likelihood of the full group being with the full other group goes down with each additional number. Regardless of that, though, it is an author's job to tell a story that we can connect to, and having such convenient and perfect endings makes it difficult to do just that. Because life isn't like that.

So I struggle with the concept of this. Like I said, the more I get to know these books, this series, the more I understand that this is not a great argument for why Elain and Azriel aren't endgame considering how other things have played out, but I still think it's a good argument for why they shouldn't be. However, I would also say that the argument that they will end up together because it's three brothers and three sisters is completely off base and illogical, for reasons I've mentioned above. What is the purpose of that? How does that drive the plot and the story and world? How does it connect us to them better? It doesn't. All it does is be just a convenient little bow that has no true purpose, unless there is true purpose as to why each sister ended up with each brother. And I don't really see a purpose as to why Elain would end up with Az except that they're both the last sibling, and that they currently like each other. But that doesn't mean they're right for each other, and I don't see how them being together will spur the story and the world forward the way Feyre and Rhys did, and the way Nesta and Cassian can and/or will.

As someone who dabbles in writing, I have thought about these types of things, and I'm always adjusting plans and thoughts when I realize I've gone into that too perfect la la land, and I'd like to believe that all writers do that. SJM has had some convenient endings, but I will say I've not yet felt like any ending was just too perfect. The closest was, of course, ACOWAR. But even then, you still had threads, misunderstandings, questions, and things you weren't happy about. Yes, the ending felt a bit perfect, but we still lost the Bone Carver, Mr. Archeron, the Suriel, etc. There were still things that made it less than completely perfect. And much of what was done in the ending did move this story forward, and provide the opening for what we are now getting. And, in the same vein, I like to think that SJM would recognize how this would be too much. But, I don't hold out a lot of hope on this reasoning alone, it's really just something I had to get off my chest.

Share Life With Me

This next point is huge for me, in my mind. Again, it is based off of my own personal opinions of some characters, as well, so I do understand that some people may not agree with this argument. That's fine, but you will not sway me.

It all comes down to one thing. What does Az want?

In the Az POV chapter we are finally told, out right, that he does want Elain. But, my question - does he really?

I have been thinking about this since long before Silver Flames, since we all knew Az had a crush, but it wasn't as cemented until Silver Flames came out, and we saw how Nesta and Cassian would develop as a couple. Because, and here's the kicker, I don't believe Az actually wants Elain.

Yes, you read that right. I know he thinks he wants Elain. I know he believes she's kind and beautiful. And I recognize that there was a sexual tension there - I'm not blind. But I don't believe that Elain is the end goal Azriel is actually looking for.

I believe that she is a representation of that end goal.

This mostly comes down to his conversation with Rhys, his belief about the Cauldron:

"The Cauldron chose three sisters. Tell me how it's possible that my two brothers are with two of those sisters, yet the third was given to another." He had never before dared speak the words aloud.

Okay, first - Az, please see point above. Also, I can't help but feel like SJM put that in here almost to show that this isn't actually a valid argument.

Second, let's dissect that argument for a moment. Now, perhaps Az is just trying to find what he considers a more 'objective' reason for why Elain should be his, why they should be together. However, if that were the case, then why would he have never dared speak those words aloud? Most likely because he knows it's not a solid argument, and logical Az knows this. But this is 2 AM, you just stopped me from kissing the girl I fancy Az, and he definitely is not being his most logical self.

It's also not a logical or good argument because of one simple word. Given. "…the third was given to another." Az, you're better than this. I truly want to believe you're better than this. I understand that the mating bond is weird, and inherently at least slightly sexist, but that doesn't give any male the right to really look at it that way. Especially when you consider the explanation that the mating bond will be present between two perfect equals. This is seen in ACOMAF when Feyre can't believe Rhys would be her mate, because that's what it would mean, that she's his equal. This also paints Elain as an object, which, no matter what anyone's feelings are toward the character, is not okay. She is a person. A fictional one, but still a person, she cannot be given unless she chooses to give herself. The Cauldron simply dictated who it believes is best for her, and vice versa. I'm not saying the Cauldron was right, or that she and Lucien would be good together, but that's what the mating bond is. To argue that the Cauldron was wrong because two brothers got two of the sisters, but the third was given to another is inherently wrong, because Elain cannot be given away.

It also shows that maybe Az really isn't truly seeing Elain for who she is, if he is thinking of it this way. I do believe that Az is a feminist, or, at least, more of a feminist than most of the males in Prythian (which, sadly, doesn't seem to be saying much). So I don't believe this is a comment based on a sexism in Az we haven't seen yet, I truly don't. I believe that it is a comment made by someone whose judgement is clouded, and who is, as I stated earlier, using Elain as a representation of what he's really looking for. He seems to idolize her, put her on a pedestal, believe that she is all light, all good. (Az, please see my previous post on that little nugget.) He objectifies her not because he truly believes she is an object, but because she has become a symbol in his mind - she is not the person Elain to him. She is the one he should have, the one who will bring him what he wants. Note I didn't say the one he wants. Whenever a person puts another on a pedestal the way Az has with Elain, whenever someone idolizes them, or believes that said person will fix all of their woes, they are subconsciously objectifying them. That being is no longer seen as a true person, with all the flaws and struggles and ugly parts. They are something else. And those types of feelings about another person never end in a good relationship, because at least one side is always expecting too much from the other, and they rarely learn to cope with what they didn't expect. And, for the record, you should never really be 'coping' with your partners flaws, but that's a conversation for another day.

Beyond being not a truly logical argument, and showing us how Azriel has actually objectified Elain in his mind, I also believe this statement gives us insight into what Az actually wants. He could have said a number of things to express a belief (or desire) that the Cauldron was wrong. He could have talked about his feelings for Elain. About how he thinks their personalities are too compatible for them to not be rightfully mates. Pretty much, he could have said something about Elain, and how they are right together because of who they are.

But he didn't.

Instead, Az brought up his two brothers and their mates. How they each got one, so surely the third should be his. And why did he do this? Again, maybe 2 AM Az who had lost his logic just thought this was an objective reason. But I think there's more to it than that. I think he brought up those other relationships as a way to point toward what it is he really wants. Because that's what's on his mind. It's not that Elain is perfect for him, that she is everything he could have ever hoped for in a female. It's that she is the sister of his brother's two mates, and he wants what his brothers have. So, clearly, that must mean that it's Elain who can give him that.

Again, Az, please read my first point. Because that's not a guarantee just because they're related.

Now, I imagine most people are saying, "Well, duh. We all know he wants what they have. He said so earlier on in the chapter." And he did:

Azriel couldn't stop it. The envy in his chest. Of Cassian, and Rhys.

So, it's not new. But, this argument he provided highlights that so specifically. He wants what his brothers have. Not a mate, per se. No. What they have.

But, wait, a mate is what they have. What are you saying?

Yes, a mate is what each of them have. But, as we know, not all mates are perfect for each other. Rhys and Feyre, and Cassian and Nesta are both examples of how right the mating bond can be. But, let's instead look at what they both have, in points, instead of just saying they have a mate. Here are, from my interpretation, the main common aspects of these two relationships:

Love. Sure, Nesta and Cassian hadn't said it yet. But, yes, they love each other, they're just both stubborn and scared and maybe not ready to say it.

Heavy sexual attraction and chemistry. This may not always be the most important piece of a relationship, but it's blatant in both of theirs, and it's clear that Az wants that as well. Which is fair.

Friendship. It's hard to see it at times, because these books are so much about the romance, but I do believe that both couples are truly friends who like to spend time together. Who can have fun together. We don't get to see this enough - and I do wish we saw more of it - but it is there. It's there when Cassian throws his head back laughing at something Nesta said. Or when Rhys is thrilled when sassy Feyre appears. And yes, it is in part the mating bond, making them want to be near each other, but they still enjoy that time together. Mates who aren't right for each other wouldn't.

True partners. In these two relationships, they are more than just each other's mate, lover, friend. They are and/or are becoming partners. In their relationships, Rhys and Cass have found a female who they can share their lives with. Completely and fully. In Feyre, Rhys has found a High Lady, a female who is his true equal, who can rule the Court with him. They work together, plan together. And Rhys can come home at night and tell her everything about his day. In Nesta, Cass has found someone who, I believe, will grow to command with him. Likely female units, but she is still mirroring Cass in that way. She may not become his true equal in terms of being Commander of the Night Court, but she would still be his partner. He will still be able to strategize with her, the two working together to determine where each unit will go. He will command the Illyrians, and by his side she will command the Valkyries. And he can come home, at the end of the day, and tell her everything about his day.

It's this last piece that I want to really dig into, because that is what separates Rhys and Cassian's relationships from others we have seen, in my opinion, and thus that is what Az wants. It's not just a mate, he wants what his brothers have, a true partner who he can fully share his life with. Because that is what makes their relationships so special.

And, in the end, I do not believe Elain can be that for him.

I am not trying to discredit Elain, or say that she is simple, or that she can't do anything but garden and be a housewife. No. That is not my point. I do think, however, that what it would entail to be a true partner to Az is something she does not want to do. And that is okay! It is okay for her to want to garden and bake. It's okay to not wish to be involved in all of the plotting and planning and little missions and quests that the Inner Circle does. It's okay to not want to train. To be happy as you are.

But she can't do both. She can't be a true partner to Azriel and remain as she is. Now, perhaps she does want more, and I have misread her. It's possible, I am not infallible. However, she hasn't ever truly shown us anything that tells me otherwise. And, no, I don't believe her offering to find the Dread Trove in Silver Flames counts as I don't believe she offered to do so out of the goodness of her heart or because she wanted to do it. I believe she wanted to prove Nesta wrong. (Again, you can see this in my previous post.) So, to be a true partner to Azriel, she may have to change everything that she is. And that's not fair to her.

And, even if I am way off on a lot of this. Even if she does want to do more for the Night Court. There is one thing that we have learned about Elain:

She does not wish to fight, she does not wish to train.

I'm sorry, you can't convince me otherwise. Not when she has had ample opportunity to do so in the year, year and a half since Hybern, and still hasn't. It was different with Nesta, who was dealing with a lot of other things, but Elain has been, for the most part, fairly healthy. Her not training is her choice because of who she is.

Again, this is okay! I am not insulting Elain for this, not at all. I get it. I don't particularly love working out - the main exercise I get is from rock climbing twice a week, that's it. So I get it. However, you cannot work with Azriel and not be trained, not know how to fight. Even if Elain could be silent, or infiltrate courts easily, and learn secrets, you need those skills, even if it's just a fallback to ensure you can escape should something go wrong. But it also helps to understand these types of things, to understand battle and politics and everything else. It's not about whether she can do this, it's about whether she wants to do this, and I'm not sure she does. So she would either have to change who she is, and be unhappy to become Az's partner, or she wouldn't be able to be that. And, admittedly, if she were unhappy, he still wouldn't have what his brothers have.

However, on top of that, I also don't know if Azriel would let Elain be his true partner. Think about when they're at dinner, talking about how Nesta needs to scry, and how they'll have to rely on Elain if she doesn't - what Azriel says.

“There is an innate darkness to the Dread Trove that Elain should not be exposed to.”

Sidebar - I've not seen anyone talk about how Cassian was absolutely in the right for defending Nesta. So I did. You can see my soap box here.

Now, back to the point. This is one example of how Az is constantly trying to protect Elain from, well, kinda everything. So, even if Elain did want to do all of those things, would Az even be okay with it? He obviously can't stop her from training or anything like that - and if he tries should she ever want to, he's dead to me. But, would he really share his life with her? Tell her about those 'unspeakable things that sullied his hands far beyond their scars'? I don't believe he would. I don't believe he could truly handle her working with him because, again, he has put her on this pedestal of beauty and grace and goodness (that she may not have). And the things he does are not good, at least not by his standards. He wouldn't be able to truly include her until he started to look at her as her own person again, which I also don't see happening. And, even then, he still wouldn't want to share with her all he'd done, believing her likely to judge those things, to be too pure to even hear about them. Regardless of whether that is true or not about Elain, it would hinder him from being able to have a true partner in her. When Azriel comes home at night, he would not tell her everything about his day.

Love Yourself, Az

This, I know for a fact, is not a new revelation. I have seen a lot about this, and have seen some posts that even helped me along with this as well, but I can't not address Az's shadows. I would link to the first post I saw about this but, admittedly, I can't find it. So, just know, I'm not the only one thinking this, and I recognize that some of this may come off as similar to others, but I couldn't not talk about this because it just feels so important.

Elain sucked in a soft breath that whispered over his skin. His shadows skittered back at the sound. They'd always been prone to vanish when she was around.

It wasn't until the Azriel POV chapter that I fully understood what lay behind the fact that Az's shadows would retreat around Elain, when we get a direct comparison to how they react to Gwyn's breath:

"How was the party?" Her breath curled in front of her mouth, and one of his shadows darted out to dance with it before twirling back to him. Like it heard some silent music.

Before this, I didn't realize how bad a sign it is, for his shadows to retreat. I just thought they did that when he was around someone he was attracted to, almost as a sense that the other person lightened him up. But, with this comparison, and in general what we see from Az when around Elain, I see just how wrong I was. His shadows hiding isn't a sign of him lightening up - no, it's a sign of him retreating more into himself, trying to be something that he isn't around that person, in the hopes that they'll accept him if he is.

In the end, it's toxic.

He can't be who he truly is around Elain. That's not something that will lead to a healthy, happy relationship. He may have the girl he thinks he wants, but he won't have the relationship we all know he is desperate for. Whereas, around Gwyn, we see his shadows reach out to another person, jump out, dance with her breath, sing to her. He is able to fully embrace who he is around her. He will be able to be himself with her, love himself with her. And whether or not Gwyn is the right person to him, what this tells us is that Elain can't be that person. That she, like Mor, would be toxic to Az.

On top of that, I can't not point out the word usage here.

While I did observe this on my own, I am not the first to point it out - pagesofmoonlight talks about this in detail, about the usage of the term 'skittered' in regards to how the shadows retreat from Elain. It's not just a general hiding, or even a 'lightening' of Az, as I once thought. It's a gut reaction to her, her breath. They run from her. When I read that word, I literally picture a wave of something, and the shadows seeing it and running from it in fear.

Similarly, in comparison, with Gwyn's breath, the shadows 'darted' out to it. That, also, is not just a general they reached out to it for warmth or contact. Now, they darted - that is a very quick move, often done with a need or desire to get to where you're going as quickly as possible. The shadows needed or wanted to be with that breath, so they darted to it.

Like I said, this post isn't meant to be promoting one ship over Elain and Azriel. But what Gwyn provides here is a comparison, is a sign of what could and should be, whether with her or another person. Even if she isn't endgame, she shows us this problem between Elain and Azriel.

Home is Where You Shine

This entire post, which has become MASSIVE, has been very focused on Azriel, and why Elain is not right for him. But I want to touch on a reason why Az isn't right for Elain.

Azriel is a part of the Night Court. It is his home. It is where he belongs. He fits here, it is right for him. He can and does fine here. I don't think anyone can deny this. But Elain - she does not.

First, let's look at when Nesta is in the Spring Court.

Nesta’s throat constricted, and she surveyed the swaying cherry blossoms overhead. Elain would love this place. So many flowers, all in bloom, so much green—the light, vibrant green of new grass—so many birds singing and such warm, buttery sunshine. Nesta felt like a storm cloud standing amid it all. But Elain … The Spring Court had been made for someone like her.

I'm not saying Elain will end up in the Spring Court, but I do believe it is telling that Nesta would think about another court this way. We've not, to my recollection, really ever seen another character think about how well someone would fit in a different court. Feyre did, if I remember correctly, mention enjoying other courts at times, thinking they were beautiful, but never did she think about how right someone within her court would be in a different court. Because no one else in the Inner Circle would fit so well in another court. For whatever reason it is, everyone else is perfectly suited for the Night Court, and they can handle it.

It takes a lot to be a part of the Night Court. The masks they all wear, the reputation they have, the responsibilities that fall on their shoulders. It's not an insult or an attack on any character to say that they may not fit there, that they may be more in tune with the beauty of Spring, the warmth of Summer, the light of Day. And Elain, who is gentle and kind and not one to pretend to be what she isn't - likely because she's never felt the need to - I can understand how it would be hard.

Secondly, and I know it's a point of contention, and a well-discussed piece of Silver Flames, but I do want to talk about the Solstice Ball, and Cassian's observations.

Elain in black was ridiculous. Yes, she was beautiful, but the color of her long-sleeved, modest gown leeched the brightness from her face. It wore her, rather than the other way around. And he knew the cruelty of the Hewn City troubled her. But she hadn’t hesitated to come. When Feyre had offered to let her remain home, Elain had squared her shoulders and declared that she was a part of this court—and would do whatever was needed. So Elain had let her golden-brown hair down tonight, and pinned it back with twin combs of pearl. He’d never once in the two years he’d known her found Elain to be plain, but wearing black, no matter how much she claimed to be part of this court … It sucked the life from her.

I will try not to go too far into the information about Elain in the black dress, as it's been discussed a lot from both sides, though I do think it is telling, because Cassian isn't just saying it's the one dress. It's very specific about how Elainin black was ridiculous, not that dress. It may seem shallow, but in the end, black is a crucial color in the Night Court, and that type of symbolism is often used to depict things just like this. It would not be the first time, and it certainly won't be the last that a writer uses color this way. However, I have seen a number of posts about this, on both sides, and I do understand both arguments, even if I disagree with one because I don't think it's meant to just be a skewed POV.

I would like to note, however, that the main argument I've seen is that there was once another time Elain was described in a dress that did little to complement her, but it's a very different description. That other time, it's mentioned specifically that the dress and color/shade of the dress did little to complement her 'sallow skin'. First of all, this is specifically discussing how the color didn't work with her skin, not how the color 'drained the life out of her'. Secondly, I would say it is very important to note that 'sallow' means "of a sickly, yellowish or lightish brown color". It is not discussing her skin as it typically is, but how it is when she was in the midst of her own depression after becoming High Fae. It's not that the dress didn't complement her, it's just that it didn't help make her skin look better than the sickly state it was currently in. Whereas, in this reflection, Elain is healthy, and still the black is draining her. Not the dress, not the shade - black. Point blank.

It's also important to recognize that this isn't meant to insult Elain, I believe it is a symbol of how she doesn't shine in the Night Court, how this court could potentially 'suck the life out of her'. Yes, it's just a dress. Yes, there's a chance they wanted her to look plain, but I don't believe that.

They were always going to have Nesta dance with Eris, and they all knew that, despite Elain's beauty, and no matter how lovely she looked, Eris would gravitate to Nesta. He'd already shown interest in her, he'd already become intrigued. He looked at Elain first, I believe, to get a look at his brother's mate. Because he wasn't looking at Elain with interest. No, it was an 'assessing gaze'. There was no reason to make Elain look plain. In fact, there was every reason to make sure she looked just as beautiful as Nesta. Think about what Cassian said just before this:

Both sisters wore black. Both walked behind Rhys and Feyre, a silent indicator that they were a part of the royal family. Had mighty powers of their own. They’d planned it that way, wanting Eris to see for himself how valuable Nesta was.

Why would they want her to look plain, considering this? They wanted Nesta and Elain to walk in the procession behind Feyre and Rhys, as a sign, a symbol. Yes, they wanted Eris to see and understand how valuable Nesta was, as it is said, but they didn't want Elain to look any less valuable. First, doing so would have made Nesta look less valuable by comparison. But, on top of that, I highly doubt they had any fears that Eris would prefer Elain - if they believed Eris about Lucien, then I think they'd believe that Eris wouldn't wish to take away his brother's mate. In fact, I imagine Eris would more likely help Lucien with Elain - but, that just be my Eris stan status coming out.

What is clear is that it was purposeful that they put both Nesta and Elain in black, as a symbol that they are a part of this family. My guess is that they found a dress for Elain that did her the most justice, and that she was comfortable wearing but, in the end, black just doesn't work on her. And is that fact not telling when that is the color of the family?

While this was in draft mode, I also found this post from yazthebookish, who goes deeper into this, and how it wasn't just Cassian who observed how ridiculous Nesta looked in black. So, for those who want to talk about how it is a skewed perspective, there were actually three that made this observation, and I absolutely agree that SJM wouldn't shove this in there solely to say that they purposefully tried to make sure Nesta outshone Elain. As they pointed out, Nesta is gorgeous in her own right. Cassian met her and Elain together, and he was instantly drawn to Nesta. As I mentioned earlier, Eris has been intrigued by her since long before this - see the High Lords meeting in ACOWAR. Helion would gladly get into her leathers, and while I'm aware that's not saying much, his focus on her is slightly higher than you see it on others he would also slide into bed with. She doesn't need Elain to dull herself down to shine.

I also think the one observation about how the black 'wore her' matters. It makes me wonder more about this court, both the general Night Court, and the people in the Inner Circle. Is the court wearing her? Is it sucking the life out of her? Is this why we don't see as much spine from Elain? We got some in this book, but it was all in an attempt to prove she belongs to this court. Something she feels the need to do, as we see in Cassian's reflection:

When Feyre had offered to let her remain home, Elain had squared her shoulders and declared that she was a part of this court—and would do whatever was needed.

…but wearing black, no matter how much she claimed to be part of this court … It sucked the life from her.

First of all, just quickly, I want to mention the ellipses before it says 'it sucked the life from her', and what came right before that. Is Cassian talking about the black? Or is he talking about being a part of this court? I don't have the answer, just food for thought.

I can't help but notice that Elain seems to feel the need to constantly prove, declare, and claim that she is part of this court. She has to push her way through, and while I know it's in part because so many people try to protect her, I think it's more than that. I believe Elain wants to be a part of the Night Court, but in the end it's not suited to her, and so she has to force her way in, when even Nesta, who everyone has been so displeased with, manages to fall in much easier. It's not because they don't like Elain, that's obvious. I believe it's because, in the end, they all see it.

It reminds me a lot of Tywin Lannister's quote from GoT (TV series, I won't read the books until George RR Martin finishes them):

Any man who must say, "I am the King", is no true king.

Could you not adjust this to: "Any person who must say, 'I am part of this court', is not truly part of this court."

I don't think Nesta has once said that. Feyre, maybe, but not in the same way as much as in letting certain people outside the court know. But, to have to say that within the court - it signifies that either you, yourself, don't believe yourself part of the court, or that maybe you aren't truly. Or that you are, but you recognize that maybe it's not the right fit, even if you really want it to be.

In the end, while I don't think Elain can't fit or find a nice life in the Night Court, the final point is that she doesn't shine in the Night Court. And that's not the same as saying she fully doesn't belong. But, shouldn't home be a place where you shine? Where you can be everything you are, and it is absolutely right? Isn't that what Nesta found in Silver Flames, in the House, with Cassian, and Gwyn, and Emerie,…and the House? She didn't have to be anything other than who she was, with any of them, and she still found a place that not only provided her comfort, but where she could truly shine. And she's found it in the Night Court, as well.

Elain hasn't. And maybe that's just because we haven't seen her story play out yet. I'm not so stuck up to believe there's no way I could be wrong. In fact, what bugs me the most about a lot of posts around these different beliefs is the use of 'when' instead of 'if', because no one wants to admit that, at this point in time, no matter what side you're on, it very much is an 'if'. None of us know what SJM has planned. All we can do is use the information we've been given to make as educated a guess as possible. This is mine, and SJM may prove me completely wrong, and that's okay. She may end up giving Elain a more similar arc to Nesta, and show how she develops and grows into someone who flourishes in the Night Court with Az by her side, and should she do that, I hope it's in a way I can understand and not something poorly developed and difficult to grasp.

A Mate is A Mate is A Mate

I won't talk too much about how she and Azriel aren't mates and how that automatically means they couldn't work. It could, in concept. I won't address the theories about her ending up with multiple mates. I do not agree with these theories, as they conflict with the canon we have. Until SJM puts out canon information that can explain a contradiction to what we've been given, any theory that truly contradicts the canon provided I will not consider, whether I like it or not. Multiple mates is not a thing. Being able to sever the mating bond so that someone can have a new mate is not a thing. I do recognize that females can reject the mating bond, and I am not saying whether or not I think Elain should or shouldn't do this with Lucien. Nor am I saying that having a story where someone does reject the mating bond to see how that plays out wouldn't be great.

I will point out, however, that it is often discussed as a thing females do. Females reject the mating bond. Males who have a female that rejected the mating bond grow incredibly uncomfortable, and they truly struggle.

...there will always be a ... tug. For the females, it is usually easier to ignore, but the males ... It can drive them mad.

I'm not going to include all the stuff about males thinking their mate belongs to them. Grow up, Prythian. Get with the program. But, considering this, considering the other pieces we get, I do not know if a male can be with another person, truly, in a loving relationship if he has a mate. Maybe one day, years and years and years after the rejection. Or maybe, if his mate doesn't fit his preferences - if that is a thing (and honestly, we don't yet know the status of same-sex mates, but if they are a thing - please let them be - then I have a harder time believing that those who have specific preferences would end up in a mating pair with the wrong gender).

I am not saying this to say that Elain and Lucien should be together. I am saying this because, considering all these things, right now, canon information essentially tells us that, should Az find his mate, he will go to her, need to be around her. Think about Cassian when Feyre asked why he bothers with Nesta:

Because I can't stay away.

Think about how Lucien couldn't help but try to find Elain, despite direct orders of being told not to. Or about how the second Rhys heard Feyre say 'no' in her mind to Tamlin, he was there to take her away. They just can't help it. The mating bond has a stronger pull on males.

And, maybe Az would be able to deny the bond. To reject it himself, who knows. But, based on everything we've been told, that would be incredibly difficult. And, considering how much he wants what his brothers have, would he want to?

Obviously, there is reason to believe Az does have a mate, and we've met her. And I know some people disagree with this. I would be interested to hear any theories about why he and Gwyn aren't mates, so long as they don't involve Elain. It's not that I have anything against her, it's just that those arguments don't actually point to Gwyn and Az not being mates, just that the person believes Elain and Az belong together regardless, which is not an argument for why they're not mates. But if there are any reasons or signs found in the books and canon information that distinctly point against Gwyn and Az being mates, then I'm open to hearing those points. And, as I mentioned, I do not entertain any canon-conflicting theories, such as the multiple mates one.

As it stands, though, I do think we have been directed toward the idea that Gwyn and Az are mates, and can believe that the mating bond will snap into place. Once it does, I have a hard time believing Az will actually be able to stay away. And that, even if Gwyn ends up rejecting that bond, I don't know that he'll be able to be with Elain after it, knowing Elain isn't his first choice.

Final Thoughts

Like I said earlier, I'm not against Elain rejecting the mating bond, or anyone doing so. I will say this, though - how much more powerful would it be to have someone reject the mating bond not because they wish to be with someone else, but just because they do not wish to be with that person? Is it not more empowering to see a female (or male, if they can do it) choose to be single, and live their life as they are solely because they just do not wish to be with that person? Instead of it being more of an, 'well, it's just, I'd rather be with him'. Sadly, I do not think Elain is set up to be that person. Gwyn could, potentially, be, though I'll admit I don't believe it, considering the attention Gwyn pays to him. But I do think it's worth noting that, in my opinion, the mating bond can be rejected even if there is not another male in the picture.

However, despite all the questions and uncertainties, until we get answers, this is my personal view, based on what I've seen in the books, and how I've interpreted it. I personally feel that, regardless of who I hope ends up with whom, SJM has placed a number of clues and hints to show that Elain and Azriel aren't meant to be together, that they wouldn't be right together. And that, if they were to be together, the relationship would likely be unhealthy, and potentially toxic.

---------------------

This post is also not meant to insult or attack Elain in any way, nor Azriel. Nor am I trying to insult or attack those who ship them together. We are all welcome to our own opinions. I promise to respect yours, please respect mine.

#acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acosf #sarah j mass #azriel #elain archeron #nesta archeron #cassian #feyre archeron #rhysand #gwyn berdara #lucien #gwynriel #elucien #anti elriel

[courtofwingsandruin]

Does anyone else ever think how we know that originally, Lucien and Nesta were supposed to end up together, not Cassian and Nesta? And how that means that this bond between Lucien and Elain probably was a very sudden idea SJM had when writing ACOMAF out?

She decided to change it because this relationship wouldn’t work. I’m not gonna lie that this is slightly perplexing to me. Lucien, especially ACOTAR-era Lucien, probably could’ve gotten along with Nesta quite well. I know SJM knows her characters better than us, but I just can’t see why they wouldn’t work, y’know?

And now, with the whole 3 brothers/3 sisters thing...I’m wondering if that’s part of the reason why. If SJM realized she wanted Lucien to have some connection to one of the three (a mating bond, rather than a romantic relationship), but doesn’t get with them. Because in the end, she had these two Bat Bois sitting right here who would work with them just as well, if not better, than Lucien could with either of them—and it would give her a future story to tell with the three brothers/three sisters and Koschei storyline.

I feel this can be reinforced by the fact that SJM has been planning Elain’s specifically but also Nesta’s story since ACOMAF. She made a lot of decisions while writing ACOMAF and began preparing things for the future books she wanted to write. Choosing not to have Nesta and Lucien get together, instead the tension between Cassian and Nesta the moment they meet. The way Elain and Azriel seem to click and focus on each other the moment they meet, too (if you reread that first meeting I promise you’ll see it. Elain specifically looks to Azriel, not her newly-fae sister, not the High Lord, not the much louder Illyrian right next to Az—not even Nesta. She looks to Azriel every single time when she was unsure, and he’s constantly reassuring her that she’s good to speak up and try). I don’t think that was a coincidence.

Not to mention that if she was planning for Elain and Lucien to be together, she would’ve most definitely given them at least one romantic coded moment together. The closest thing I’ve seen is when Lucien is leaving once and Elain nearly steps down the stairs to say something to him but he’s already gone. And honestly, I blame that completely on the bond. We know they can feel each other’s emotions, Rhys and Feyre can feel each other’s even with their mental shields up (or are supposed to be able to at least)—and we see that Lucien had “longing and sadness” in his eyes just before he disappeared there, which was when Elain almost stepped down. Then Lucien had winnowed away, and she walked away without any other care (likely because the farther away he was the less strong the pull of the mating bond, so she couldn’t feel him as strongly then). This is chapter 34 of ACOWAR. This is the only scene we see that seems like it has slight potential of Elucien in canon.

However, we have many, many scenes to support Elain and Azriel. Their friendship started in ACOMAF, was seen throughout ACOWAR, throughout ACOFAS, and even though we don’t see them even in the same room together but three or so times in ACOSF, there is some kind of tension between them every time (Azriel’s clear protectiveness of Elain when his shadows gathered in the corners to strike, the clear liking of each other when Elain looked away from Azriel’s smile, Nesta noticing a charged look going between them). As well as the many scenes where Azriel and usually Cassian discuss Elain and Azriel’s protectiveness comes back up. As a disclaimer, I don’t like that Azriel is also supporting not allowing Elain to go on these missions and try to prove herself. But every single other couple in the books is protective of each other. Cassian didn’t want Nesta to even let go of his hand to get the harp. Rhys had multiple occasions where he was angry and protective over Feyre doing something dangerous—when instead of going to the townhouse she fought in the streets of Velaris, when she went to find the Suriel during the war. Saying “oh but they’re mates” ignores the fact that it’s said most all males are possessive and protective like this in their world, regardless if it’s a mating bond or family or love. And it also ignores the very plausible theory of Azriel being Elain’s second and/or true mate. I won’t get into that right now though.

And then, of course, the bonus chapter proved that Elain and Azriel’s feeling definitely are not just platonic, and they both have a lot going on behind the scenes. I won’t get into the chapter much because I have plenty of other posts on my blog where I or someone else dissected and discussed it. But they definitely have both romantic and sexual interest in each other.

I truly, truly don’t see why SJM would set that up over the course of three novels and one novella to suddenly not put them together. Especially knowing that she’s said she doesn’t like couples that were built up over long periods of time (4 books is a very long time) and then don’t end up together. I don’t think she introduced Gwyn to be a romantic interest—I do think she included Gwyn in his extra chapter to confuse us and cause panic and chaos, sure, SJM is like that, remember when we first met Emerie? And then Emerie turned out to have no connection to Cassian other than him being her mentor/trainer and she being Nesta’s friend? I don’t think Gwyn will have any actual potential as a romantic partner. This also parallels Cassian and Nesta’s story—with them both mentioning another girl pre-getting together and (likely) nothing actually comes of it. She does parallel things a lot, and I don’t think she did this on accident.

To round this out, I’d like to bring us back to Lucien and Nesta. If she originally had them together, I think there can definitely be an implication there that she had considered them working some. And Cassian and ACOTAR-era Lucien are similar, as well as...well, Nesta and Vassa. The firebird and the silver flames. A human Queen and the Queen of Queens. Vassa has shown a great backbone, will openly bicker with people (we hear about her and Jurian fighting a lot), she’s just this woman who seems like she could be similar enough to Nesta to warrant the idea that Nesta/Lucien could’ve possibly worked if Nesta was a little more like Vassa or Lucien was a little more like Cassian.

I also want to clarify that I’m not against the Elain and Lucien ship, nor am I against Gwyn and Azriel. I actually ship Elain and Lucien—just not as much as I ship Elain and Azriel, because I’m 99.9% certain that Elriel will be endgame (always leave room for error). And once the next book is out and this whole mess has cleared up, I could definitely get behind Gwyn and Azriel as a non-canon sorta-crack ship. I read about pairings that completely disregard canon all the time (Feycien is hardcore slept on). But I can’t find myself supporting Gwyn and Azriel right now, not while this ship war is happening, because I feel right now is the time to actually look at canon and focus on what’s obviously there—not what, to me, is more of just a fun little ship that could work in theory and fanfics and that’s about it.

And that’s all. End rant. I’m so sorry if you actually read all this. This stuff has been on loop in my head for days and I had to word vomit again.

#acotar #acosf #a court of silver flames #elain archeron #a court of thorns and roses #azriel #elriel #acomaf #acowar #pro elriel #i’m not tagging this as anti anything bc i’m not anti any of the ships #the other ships are cute! i like it theory! not seeing it in canon #vassa x lucien #it’s not really about them but i am supporting it some in this? #and it seems like the only safe ship other than elriel to mention? #i don’t want to make anyone mad by tagging this wrong

[americankimchi]

i finished two books over the past four days........ master of one by jaida jones & dani bennett and reverie by ryan la sala

long post under cut :3

master of one

this one... was kind of disappointing at the end lmao.

master of one had a lot of build-up to a climax that seemed... pretty lackluster. it reads pretty heavily like a book leading into a sequel, so i hope the next installment drops soon because i was left deeply unsatisfied by the ending lol. also i wish shining talon and the rest of the fae characters were more interesting... they all seemed so flat!!! they barely had any screentime and no POV chapters; everything about them was filtered through the perspective of others which i feel was a damn shame.

shining talon was there from the beginning and by the end of the book i feel like he was the same person, almost no growth happened. i mean i guess he and rags had a romantic thread for the whole thing which felt a bit rushed in my opinion but maybe that's what fae are just like so eh....

also the fact that rags was sixteen had me. squinting. couldn't get invested in it because of how weirded out i was by the concept of a centuries old fae prince and a teenager 💀

especially since rags was SO mean to shining talon for the whole book. most of that had to do with his inferiority complex but still. get it together, rags.

on the plus side i loved the worldbuilding SO much. love that revisionist history theme that keeps getting callbacks. the fae turning out to be less cruel and more complex, victims of a war they tried to survive and brutally lost. the queen's mysterious plans and strangely lengthened lifespan vs. her lack of a real matriarchal heir and how that resentment breeds in her sons. the rebellion and all the characters in it!!! rags's backstory with dane as well. sad as hell 😭😭 the strange creatures that bond immediately with their chosen masters, how they become two halves of a complete whole. the mirrorcraft!!! how does it work!!! how do the sorcerers channel their magic, how does the red cloth work, and why the fuck was morien SKINLESS. LIKE WHAT.....

anyways final score: 6/10 and mostly because the story is unfinished and the final climactic scene with morien was super underwhelming. maybe book 2 will raise the score for me in hindsight but until it comes out (if it comes out) i can't say.

reverie

oh my god kane (main character) irritated me so much the whole fucking book. i understand that he's been through a traumatic experience and know that he's dealing with the consequences of actions he doesn't even remember doing due to his amnesia is making him lash out but MAN....... understanding it and tolerating it are two very different things

like i sympathize with his situation i really do: it's shitty, nobody seems to be able to help him, and the people who seem to know more about it are constantly trying to gaslight him into believing that nothing's wrong. but he was so fucking RUDE to his sister who was the only one in his corner the whole way through until she, too, fucking snapped from all the disrespect he was slinging her way.

not to mention the fact that he had the rules of the dreamworlds/reveries explained to him multiple times and he STILL IGNORED THEM. KNOWING THAT DOING SO PUTS PEOPLE'S LIVES IN JEOPARDY. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

and it's not a "oh kane forgot" NO THIS BITCH WILLFULLY PUT THE LIVES OF OTHERS IN DANGER. and for what!!!! to do selfish shit??? that had absolutely no basis in logic??? he'd do something dumb, realize it was dumb, and then double-down. everything he did in the book actively hindered or harmed everyone else AND himself too! i hated him! the whole! fucking! book!!!

he lost his fucking mind over his sister like my guy can you just pump the brakes. pump the FUCKING brakes. stop ruining everyone's lives because you don't want and don't know how to fix things properly!!!!! GOD........ EVERYTHING YOU TRIED TO DO IN ORDER TO FIX THINGS MADE THINGS WORSE. EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!!!!!

the others (the name of his friend group) didn't deserve all the shit he put them through, especially after it was revealed that his amnesia was SELF-INFLICTED. he straight up ASKED to have his memories removed!!! and the others were just keeping away from him because they didn't want him dragged back into their world without the knowledge necessary to survive it. and even after he was told this he was mean as hell!! which okay, i would ALSO be pissed about being kept in the dark like that but his friends were like. they constantly tried to help him and for what. to be disrespected at every turn? blown off and ignored? given the cold, spiteful shoulder??? LEAVE HIS ASS!!! IF HE WANTS TO BE ALONE THEN LET HIM BE ALONEEEEEEE AARRRRGGHGHGHGUIHG

he pulled his head out of his ass for the last 5 or 6 chapters of the book but my god he pissed me off so much. fuck that guy. dean, sophia, and the others deserve better.

final score: also a 6/10 but only because the supporting cast was so good. the main antagonist poesy was also extremely iconic with the looks and the dark confidence. literally gaslit gatekept and girlbossed through the whole book.

edit: also it should be noted that even though some of the characters annoyed me, i still finished master of one in two days and i finished reverie in one. they were engaging enough for me to keep reading...... yeah :3

#personal #long post under the cut #genuinely kane made me want to throw the book out the window #annoying ass punk

[devaneiosinfinitos]

My thoughts on ACOSF

!!!!MAJOR SPOILERS!!!!

I was really looking forward to this book and Nesta and Cassian’s story and I really wanted to love it, but it fell really short. If I were to define ACOSF, I'd say: Wasted potential.

After finishing it and rereading some parts, my conclusion is: there are some pretty cool scenes, but that's not reflected in the rest of the book. I was disappointed and frustrated with several things. I was angry with others and found that many points in the plot were not really developed.

Here are some things that really bothered me (and this will be long):

ENDING RUSHED

I thought the ending was rushed. There were many things happening at the same time and none of them got a proper conclusion. For example, the Blood Rite and the birth. At one point we’re reading about the Blood Rite and how Nesta was fighting the other Illyrians so Emerie and Gwyn could win. Then, Queen Briallyn and Cass arrive, Nesta destroys her and gets the crown and then Azriel and Mor arrive and take them to Feyre. And that’s it. All that build-up for what? For a few paragraphs of Nesta meeting Gwyn and Emerie after the birth and briefly discussing it. And then of Nesta reminiscing of when she told Cass and Az the details of it and they pointed out what needed to be corrected. SERIOUSLY? The birth scene totally took the focus out of Nesta’s at Ramiel and the end of the Blood Rite and the AMAZING victory of Gwyn and Emerie and how well they did on the rite. There were chapters and chapters building up to the conclusion of the Blood Rite and what could come of it and then it was just over. So anticlimactic. Why spend so much time on it and then not even having one character acknowledging how incredible they were? That not only they survived it but Emerie and Gwyn won it and Nesta got so far and pulled an Enalius at the end? So few Illyrians have ever gotten that far and it has always felt like such a great accomplishment that Cass, Az and Rhys completed it, and then here we have women kicking the ass out of the challenge which has been unheard of and we don’t even get Cassian saying how proud he was? There was a lot missing at the end of that narrative. I wanted Cass, Az, and Rhys making a big deal out of their accomplishment. I wanted the Illyrians reactions about their victory and performance and what that could mean moving forward. I wanted more of how Emerie and Gwyn felt winning it and what it meant for them and Nesta to have accomplished that together. What a waste. 

Not to mention, how rushed the entire thing with Briallyn and the crown was. One moment Nesta is destroying her and there lies the crown. And then, there’s Nesta using all three artefacts to stop time and help Feyre. They didn’t even discuss the fact that Briallyn was gone and that now they had the 3 artefacts. I mean, some people in that room didn’t even get to see the crown (Did they even know they managed to get it in the Blood rite?), let alone discuss the significance of it. One of the main plots of the book was the search for the trove, and then when they have all 3 artefacts, that’s just completely brushed over. Again, SERIOUSLY? All these plots and none with a development/conclusion to match the build up.

NESTA’S POWERS

I don’t even know where to start with this one. Every time I remember that Nesta gave up her powers I get pissed all over again.

Nesta’s powers have been hyped up for a long time. A LONG TIME. Now, we finally have her book where we delve into her journey and where her powers are supposed to be fully explored and WE NEVER GET THAT. Thank you for nothing, Sarah. Her powers are not even fully explored and then she gives them up. We never really get to fully understand her powers and get to see her really using them. THERE WAS SO MUCH POTENTIAL. I wanted to see her wreak havoc and fully embrace her powers and become one of the most powerful and deadly characters in Prythian. I wanted to see more of her being in control of her abilities and being her badass self taking a hoard of bad guys out. I wanted to understand the extension of her powers. But nope, just as she’s starting to learn about them, she loses them. SO ANTI-CLIMATIC (it doesn’t matter that apparently there’s a bit left, that’s not the point). When she was engulfed in silver fire in her room and Rhys came running? That’s what I wanted to read about. Nesta never really used her silver flames and we never got to really understand what they meant. Ok, they were cold rather than hot. WHAT ELSE? Why is the book even called A Court of Silver Flames? Isn’t that supposed to indicate that said silver flames will be significant? The most significant thing about them other than the bedroom scene are the silver flames that appear in her eyes, and that was not even fully developed either. Is it only when she’s about to lose control? Or angry? Or emotional? When the silver flames appear in her eyes it���s always highlighted that “nothing Fae looks through them” (this was pointed out more than once) and Cass even says at one point that that’s the being the Bone Carver whispered about and exalted and feared. We had the Bone Carver, a creature of thousands of years, calling Nesta a queen and saying she was as "ancient as the sea" and we have Lucien saying that maybe some things should not be awoken and "mother spare you all" when he sees Nesta training and I feel like all that foreshadowing never really came to fruition. LOOK AT ALL THIS BUILD UP. 

Nesta’s been hyped up as this powerful Death Queen or as this being with great powers and the culmination of her journey in this book resulted in her giving it all up to save Feyre, Rhys and the baby. Rhys, that up until that point hadn’t really done anything that made him worthy of her calling him brother. Since Sarah came up with this death in childbirth plot (I could’ve gone without this one, seriously), yay for Nesta saving them because it’s not like I wanted them to die (I hope they learnt the lesson with that stupid bargain though). But this entire plot could’ve been addressed differently. AND BETTER. In the end, it undermined Nesta's powers narrative. Why build this plot up so much and include so many things that could be considered foreshadowing if you’re not going to fully develop it in the character’s main book?

IC’S BULLSHIT

Ever since ACOFAS, I was waiting for someone (preferably Nesta) to call the IC on their bullshit and their self-righteous hypocrisy. But it never happened. We had that God awful intervention scene and Mor saying bad things and Amren being gratuitously cruel and Rhys insulting Nesta and Feyre taking her freedom away and none of that is ever addressed again. Ok, I get they were trying to help her with their intervention, but they could have approached that very differently and much better. I felt really bad reading that, and they all got away easily with their behaviour towards her. Sometimes it felt like they were kicking a dog who was already down. Especially Amren. She called Nesta a waste of life and Nesta bloody knelt to apologise to her, holy shit, I can’t get over that. And Amren never apologised. I feel like there was a lot of apologising coming from Nesta, but not enough coming from others. The IC were disrespectful towards her many times (and not only in this book), and that’s it. All swept under the rug. 

Later on in the book, Rhys says that Nesta always has a choice at the Night Court. REALLY, RHYS? Are you not tired of contradicting yourself? Because it sure as hell didn’t feel like she did. They even try to use Elain as a way to manipulate Nesta to do what they want. Not to mention that it feels as they are really pressuring Nesta to get better soon and fast (with the exception of Cass, who says she can take however long she wants), but the IC should look at themselves. Mor and Az are still dealing with their traumas after hundreds of years. Cass himself says that it took him years to get over what happened to his mom and what he did (and he still deals with the fact that he often feels inferior for being a bastard). And they want Nesta to be a happy healthy version of herself so soon? Please. I think a scene where their behaviour is addressed would’ve felt earned. I’m pissed that we didn’t get that. And that Nesta didn’t get that. And that because the IC are never called out on their often toxic behaviour (it happens towards Lucien as well), they don’t learn. 

Also, Rhys and the rest of the IC hiding from Feyre what it meant that the baby had wings was a really infuriating move. So so wrong. That type of thing should not be hidden from the person carrying the baby. It’s her life and her body. To be honest, I didn’t like how the pregnancy plot was written at all. I was already expecting that Feyre would get pregnant, but I hoped it would be later in the series for a myriad of reasons. The way it was done here didn’t really work for me, and I think many things didn’t make any sense such as how the birth would (or wouldn’t) work. I mean, Cassian had his guts hanging out of his stomach and lived, but a C-section is not possible? Come on.

RELATIONSHIPS

I think that by the end of the book there were some key things missing in some of the relationships. For example, the relationship between the sisters. It all appears well in the last scene, but I missed a scene where all three of them ACTUALLY talked and discussed things - their relationship and their parents and their past. You know, a decent conversation where they could explain things and ask for forgiveness or also say thank you where it was due.

I also would’ve really liked if Cassian had said “I love you” to Nesta. I don’t doubt his love for her and I know he has loved her for a long time and he has shown that love with attitudes on several occasions, but I think with Nesta, who had never really said “I love you” to anyone (she said it to Feyre for the 1st time in the birth scene), it would’ve meant something to her to hear those words, especially after thinking so little of herself for so long and not feeling worthy of affection and thinking everyone hated her. I think it would’ve felt nice to close that part of her journey with him saying it as well. Also, I kind of missed soft/tender moments between Nessian thoroughout the book. Yeah, they have an angsty relationship and Nesta was in a healing journey and the smut was great, but I think there could’ve been more sweet moments in the middle, you know? Because they only truly recognise the bond at the end, so the fluffiness is mostly focused in the last pages, and I wanted a bit more of that here and there. Not a lot that would change the dynamics of the relationship, but just a bit more that would balance the smut and angst a bit and make me sigh. Sometimes I thought there were too much smut and angst and not enough relationship growth through conversation and softness.

HIGH KING 

I really dislike the High King idea and I have a feeling that’s exactly what Sarah might do. Not long ago, the IC was shitting on Vallahan for wanting to conquer other territories and then there’s Amren saying Rhys should become High King and rule over the entirety of Prythian. Where did that even come from? That entire conversation and everything Amren said was just mindboggling. Not to mention that according to what she said, Rhys would become High King using the weapons that Nesta created. Same weapons that Amren said nobody should use (but it’s ok if it’s Rhys, right? *Eye roll*) and that no one should tell Nesta she could create. Not to mention that the entire idea of all the courts submitting to one ruler/court (in this case, to Rhys) sounds very imperialistic. They should all be aiming to coexist peacefully and harmonically and find ways to work towards that, not using this High King idea as a solution.

Plus, Rhys cannot even unite all of his own court (There’s rebellion building with the Illyrians, there’s the Court of Nightmares and all the problems there…), and Amren wants him to rule over Prythian? Also, something about the Court of Nightmares that I often wonder about. Is Mor the only decent person to be born there? Because I have a hard time believing that there is not another single decent soul in that place. Maybe someone that dreams of going to Velaris and escaping the Court of Nightmares but that just finds themselves trapped there because it’s not like Rhys and the IC give anybody a chance to get away. Do they even look for people that might be suffering there without deserving to? I mean, Mor came from there. Don’t they think there might be others? Even with the agreement they have with Keir in ACOWAR, it’s not like they are open to the idea. And it’s completely fine to want to protect Velaris from the evil and cruelty that exists in the Court of Nightmares, but again, that shouldn’t mean they shouldn’t even contemplate the chance that there might be people there worth of being in Velaris. That doesn’t earn Rhys any points towards the High King thing.

Moreover, that stupid bargain Rhys and Feyre made also doesn’t get him any points. Since learning the baby had wings, Rhys knew the chances of Feyre dying were very high. If she died, he’d die as well. You’d think a responsible ruler would make plans in case that really happened. You know, like talking to the IC and making plans about their next moves and discussing how they should proceed and just analysing the options after his and Feyre’s powers go to who knows who (If it went to Keir… Shouldn’t they prepare for that?). I mean, imagine the chaos that would ensue should Rhys and Feyre die, and it’s never even addressed that Rhys is considering these things. He didn’t even tell Amren, his second in command. Honestly, what a mess. I’m glad Rhys was categorically against it and that it doesn’t seem like he wants that, but it sounds just like Sarah to come up with a plot that the High King title would just fall on Rhys’s lap or be the only way out of a situation and that by becoming High King he’d be saving Prythian of something worse. I’m rolling my eyes just thinking about it.

So… These are just some of the things that bothered me. It doesn’t mean that there aren’t nice things in the book. Like I said in the beginning, there are some cool scenes and specific things that I really liked (such as Nesta, Gwyn and Emerie’s friendship, for example. They are just wonderful. And Nesta and the House of Wind. And Nesta and Azriel (I wanted more of this relationship). And Cassian’s support. And the Valkyries inspiration), but the book in itself? More potential than any other thing. It was a let down.

#ACOSF #A Court of Silver Flames #ACOSF Spoilers #Spoilers ACOSF #Nesta #Nesta Archeron #Cassian #Nessian

[bookofmirth]

Elain & the mating bond

In this post, I am going to examine one of the theories going around regarding what Elain does and does not know regarding the mating bond that she has been aware of for about 2~ years in canon time. Moreover, I am going to argue that she does know that it can be rejected, and why it would be incredibly OOC for multiple characters to have not told her.

Elain’s agency and inaction regarding the bond are a separate issue, and so they won’t be discussed here. 

Now, let’s proceed with evidence showing what we know about the characters, namely Feyre and Elain. Elain is obviously the one whose knowledge is in question, while Feyre is presumably the one telling (or withholding) information because she is everyone’s mom.

Let’s start with Feyre.

She would not keep any information about how the mating bond works from her sister. She has lived in Prythian longer than Nesta or Elain. She knows more about how the world works, and she prepared her sisters for it on multiple occasions throughout the series:

“They can lie,” I say, giving her information I hoped she would never need. “Faeries can lie, and iron doesn’t bother them one bit. But ash wood - that seems to work. Take my money and buy a damned grove of it for Elain to tend.” (ACOTAR chapter 31)

Fae fertility cycles had never been something I’d considered, and explaining them to Nesta and Elain had been uncomfortable, to say the least. (ACOFAS chapter 5)

Fae bargains were no idle thing. [Cassian] knew that Feyre had already versed Nesta in them, when her sister had first come here. As a precaution. (ACOSF chapter 12)

In addition, we have the fact that Feyre was the one going out to hunt and feed the family since she was a child. She has proven, time and again, that she would do anything to protect her sisters.

So if we were to say that Feyre never told Elain about how the mating bond works, then that would indicate a sudden, frankly OOC shift from what Feyre has been known to do before. If we were to argue that Feyre withheld the information for political reasons, that would also be counter to nearly every single decision she has ever made about her sisters in the series. Since her childhood. In a word, Feyre would not withhold this information from Elain unless she were suddenly a very different person, or a huge asshole. Or both.

Now, Elain. 

There is no evidence to provide here because she has been on the page so little. Many times when her name appears, she isn’t actually in the scene. However, it’s important to think about the potential reasons for why Elain wouldn’t know she can reject the mating bond, and what that implies about her character (just as we looked at Feyre’s character above):

Scenario 1: Elain hasn’t asked. This doesn’t look great on her because it puts her in a state of extreme, frankly irresponsible complacency about her own life. Could she be afraid? Worried? Feeling a down-low tickle she doesn’t know what to do about and doesn’t know who to ask? Perhaps. But considering how much of an impact the mating bond has on her life, again, it would be irresponsible and dare I say spineless not to ask. Not a super good look.

Scenario 2: Elain was lied to, for political reasons. This doesn’t look great on Feyre (and likely Rhys, since we know he likes to stick his nose in her family business). In fact, it goes counter to everything mentioned above regarding Feyre’s character. It would potentially victimize Elain, vilify Feyre, and be incredibly detrimental to their relationship. Also, it’s likely that Feyre would have mentioned it in the feysand short when they were discussing Elain and the gloves.

Scenario 3: No one, ever, has talked about their own or other’s mating bond experiences around Elain. This would include Feyre and Rhys, him talking about his parents, Viviane and Kallias, talk about Miryam and Drakon. Unlikely. She’s probably wondering why her sister is so horny all the time. And as the biggest feysand shippers of all time, Mor, Cassian, and Azriel definitely would have talked about the months and the cabin and the soup and the frenzy, all the while grinning at feysand and slapping Rhys on the back.

Scenario 4: Elain knows that the bond can be rejected, but is leaving Lucien on the hook for the sake of the Night Court. I don’t think I have to explain that this also paints her in a really poor light.

Overall, there is no explanation for Elain not knowing that spares her, except for Feyre having lied, which wouldn’t happen. Especially with everyone then witnessing the nessian bond coming together. Saying that Elain doesn’t know how the mating bond works means that she is utterly passive, an observer of her own life at best. 

And for fun, Nesta.

And just for another example, we can take a quick glance at Nesta’s character. Nesta, who had nothing at risk regarding mates, as far as everyone knew, was still well-informed enough to know how the bond worked.

Nesta considered. Then pulled something out of her pocket. A small biscuit, swiped from a tray in the birthing room. “Then here. Food. From me to you, my mate. That’s the official ritual, isn’t it? The sharing of food from one mate to another?” (ACOSF chapter 78)

They are alone during this scene. There is no indication that Nesta learned how the bond works after finding out that she had one. In fact, when Nesta finds out that she has a mate, she knows exactly what that means already.

In conclusion

The idea that Elain is uninformed about the mating bond is not canon. It is a theory. And in order to support that theory, we would have to disregard the characters’ past behavior and completely change the way we think about their values and motivations - namely, that Feyre would suddenly have decided to put something or someone else above her love for her sisters, or that Elain doesn’t have enough curiosity or drive to better understand her own life. Or both.

#elain #feyre #elain archeron #acosf #acotar #acotar meta #acosf meta #elucien

[laequiem]

No tricks, only treats [ONESHOT]

/ Cardan and Jude join the rest of the family to enjoy Halloween in the Mortal World.

Part of Tales from the Mortal Realm, a collection of random moments in the lives of the Queen and King of Elfhame.

"Is it strange that I find you attractive dressed as such?"

I was looking at myself in the mirror, assessing my outfit, when Cardan sneaked into the room. His training with The Ghost was paying off, he was as silent as ever.

"Strange? Yes. Surprising? No."

Read it on ao3

"Is it strange that I find you attractive dressed as such?"

I was looking at myself in the mirror, assessing my outfit, when Cardan sneaked into the room. His training with The Ghost was paying off, he was as silent as ever.

"Strange? Yes. Surprising? No."

I saw him prowl towards me through the glass. He slid his arms around my waist, staring at me through my reflection.

Today is October 31st and Oak insisted we join him in celebrating Halloween. Of course, this means we all need costumes. I decided to go as the one character I knew more than anyone else.

Cardan.

I looked through his wardrobe for my outfit. It was quite hard to find a top that was loose enough to account for my breasts, as most of his clothes were tailored to fit him perfectly. I also found a dark blue coat, its collar covered in iridescent feathers. I gave up trying to find pants in his collection, as my hips would never fit, and just wore a pair of black leggings with black combat boots.

"What do you mean, dear Jude?"

"The only thing you love more than booze is yourself."

He raised his brows, making a show of looking offended. 

"Your capacity to lie to yourself will always impress me,” he said then plucked a kiss to my temple, “I love you more than I love wine."

I don’t think I will ever get over him being  caring . It felt as if he was a completely different person from the boy who would disturb lessons just to get attention.

Cardan turned me to face him, then inspected my face. “Something is missing.” He took my hand and directed me to his personal vanity. He opened the drawer and pulled out some cosmetics. He lined my eyes with kohl and coated my lashes with dark mascara. I suppressed my laugh when I saw he was so concentrated that he had stuck out his tongue. Then, he took out some glittery gold powder and applied it on my cheekbones. 

He took a step back to look at his handiwork and smiled.

“And the final touch,” he said as he plucked his crown off his head and put it on my head at an angle, “Voilà!”

I looked at myself in the mirror. I did not bother with any kind of wig. I put my hair up in elaborate braids, letting a few short curls hang in a few places. Yet, even without his signature dark hair, I still looked like him. I made faces at myself in the mirror, trying to get his grin right. 

Finally, I got up. “Your turn now, dearest Cardan.”

When Heather learned that Cardan would be coming too, she started suggesting outfits for him. She even went as far as drawing some of them. Something about his otherworldly looks inspired her. Maybe it's the tail, since a lot of her designs included it: a devil, sexy cat man and my personal favorite, a cute puppy.

In the end, I chose my own, petty idea. I walked in the closet and pulled out the outfit I had the servants clean for the occasion. 

“A King needs his Queen,” I grinned as I revealed the Queen of Mirth dress and crown.

Cardan threw his head back laughing. “You sure know how to hold a grudge.”

Thankfully, my husband was a team player, and he went with it. Even in this, he looked strikingly handsome. Or pretty, I guess. Unfair.

We landed in Maine in the early afternoon. It was strange to be awake so early, but Cardan did not seem bothered at all. We met up with Vivi, Heather, Oak, Taryn and Garrett at the entrance to FallFest, some kind of harvest festival that was held every October in the local park. It had everything from harvest contests to food stands, a section with typical carnival games, a small hay maze and even a haunted house.

I was not surprised to see my eldest sister dressed up, she went crazy for Halloween every year. Vivienne would dress up for a week straight before Halloween, even when she still lived in Elfhame. She was wearing a tight black bodysuit with a tail and claws as well as a black leather mask with cat ears. Heather dressed up as some kind of … plant lady? She had a short bodysuit made of green ivy leaves, green stockings and a long red wig. Oak was with them, wearing a reddish pink shirt with a big yellow star on it. I can only assume they went for pop-culture references I am unfamiliar with.

The real surprise was seeing my twin Taryn and her quiet lover also dressed up.

"What are you dressed as?", Cardan inquired, cocking his head to the side, "You ought to have dressed as Jude, you have already proved to be so good at it."

I snapped my head at him and slammed my foot as hard as I could on his. He was joking, of course. But the peace between me and Taryn was still fairly new. We mostly kept to ourselves and rarely talked. Garrett was back with the Court of Shadow and we were friendly, but he kept his professional and personal lives completely separated.

Cardan was hopping on one foot, scowling at me like he did not understand why I was upset. Taryn understood, though. She was sheepishly looking at the ground.

"I… I'm sorry for tricking you, Cardan."

I tried finding something to say to end the awkwardness. I wanted Cardan to apologize for what he said, but I knew he would not. Fae don't apologize.

Thankfully, Vivi broke the silence. "C'mon guys, we're here to HAVE FUN!" she complained, "What ARE you two dressed as?"

"Phantom of the Opera." Garrett replied.

"Nerds."

"Says the one dressed up as Catwoman." Garrett mocked.

The bickering continued, though less mean-spirited than Cardan’s original comment, as we walked down the main path. Our first stop was the pumpkin carving station. Each couple got their own pumpkin to carve, though Vivi and Heather’s pumpkin was mostly Oak’s handiwork and the couple making sure he did not stab himself. Taryn and Garrett made some intricate flower design on theirs, Garrett being the one doing the carving of course. As for us, well… Cardan had creative ideas, but no skills with a blade, and my skills were more of the  stabbing  variety. We settled on giving our pumpkin a traditional jack-o-lantern face. 

After the effort of carving pumpkins, we were starving. Oak was complaining, dragging his feet on the ground so much that Vivi and Heathers were holding both of his hands to pull him along. Behind them, I saw Taryn with her arm looped around The Ghost's.

I was suddenly very aware that Cardan and I were the only ones not holding hands.

Nobody knows us here. We needn't keep the appearance of the power couple, together to rule and nothing else.

I took my hand out of the pockets of my borrowed coat and tentatively brushed my fingers against Cardan's hand. I saw him whip his head towards me, and I blushed when I witnessed the surprise in his face. Soon enough, he smiled. One of those smiles he kept for me and only me, blissful and happy. The smile he gives me when we have the time to spend hours cuddled together in bed, enjoying each other's presence.

Cardan took my hand and squeezed. I squeezed back.

We spent the rest of the afternoon eating good food, trying to guess the weight of giant pumpkins and visiting a haunted house. Cardan was fascinated by the weird human traditions and absolutely ecstatic about the food. Pumpkin-spiced flavored food will become the new trend in Elfhame, judging by his reaction.

When the sun started to go down, Taryn and Garrett left for Madoc’s, who decided to try giving out candy to the trick-or-treaters. Heather and Vivienne had initially volunteered to take Oak trick-or-treating himself, but when one of their friends invited them to a party, we offered to take him instead. Oak was excited to spend more time with me and “Uncle Cardan”. 

I had not gone trick-or-treating in...10 years? Maybe 12? Since my parents died. Cardan, obviously, had never gone. So, dressed up as each other, with Oak dressed as some cartoon character, we roamed the residential streets of the city to beg for sweets.

“If it is called ‘trick-or-treat’, does that mean I can make bargains if someone refuses to give me candy?” Cardan asked as we watched Oak go up to a house.

I gave him my best ‘I’ll-strangle-you-if-you-do’ stare. “No. No turning people into cats, no curse making them hear imaginary insects buzzing around their ears.”

“Why is it called trick-or-treat, then?”

Vivienne told me they had to explain this to Oak, too, a few weeks ago. Someone at school had mentioned being excited to go trick-or-treating and my brother had been very confused.

“I don’t know.”

Cardan hmmed and smirked, “Perhaps the Folk were involved when the holiday was first established.”

I crossed my arms.

“If that’s the case, not all traditions need to be brought back.”

He laughed at that, then reached around me and pulled me closer to him.

“You win. I won’t trick anyone,” he crooned in my ear, “but I want a kiss for being well behaved.”

I rolled my eyes dramatically. “So needy.”

Once again, I had to remind myself that nobody knows us here. Nobody recognized our costumes today: in the mortal world, dressed as each other, we were only The Guy In An Ugly Dress and Fashionable Emo Boy. Nobody knew we are King and Queen of Elfhame, therefore there are no expectations to be the hedonistic king and his murderous wife.

I slid my hand behind his neck and pulled him down. I felt him smile as I captured his lips with mine.

“Ew, gross!” Oak’s voice came from the other end of the driveway, “Stop that, come here.”

Reluctantly, we pulled away from each other and looked towards the house. Oak was in front of the opened door, talking with a couple. 

“Honey, look,” the tallest woman exclaimed as we walked down the driveway, “She’s dressed as High King Cardan!”

“Oh my god,” the other one replied, sounding so very human, “that sounds kind of profane. Do you think he would have her hung for this?”

As I looked at the two women, I realized that Oak had stumbled upon the house of a Fae couple. They saw through his glamour, and he saw through theirs.

“This is my sister Jude,” Oak started, “and this is my Uncle Cardan.”

Both females had gone completely still and were staring at Cardan with wide eyes. Simultaneously, they bowed deeply. 

“Forgive us, Your Majesty. We weren’t expecting you.”

“We so rarely see our kind around here,” the shorter one said nervously, “we… wanted to meet who little Oak was with.”

“We have tea, if you would like.”

I dared a glance at Cardan and noticed he seemed amused. Was he delighted to make them uncomfortable?

“That won’t be necessary,” he said as he took my hand, “My  wife  has us on a tight schedule, we have other houses to visit. Have a nice evening.”

I caught the emphasis on  wife  and realized they only recognized him as royalty. ‘  Your Majesty ’, singular. I could tell from the two females’ expressions that they also understood their mistake. I felt bad for them knowing they had no ill intent, probably unaware of the situation in Faerie. Yet, I could not help the grin that crept on my face. I worked hard to become High Queen. I fought and killed my way through the ranks, almost dying. Multiple times. I made decisions that will haunt me until the day I die. I am High Queen, and the Folk must know. 

“It was nice meeting you,” I say as I take Oak’s hand, “You are welcome to visit us at the palace if you wish.”

My memories from before Faerieland were to blurry, I did not remember getting so much candy. Did Taryn and I get that much? How could we possibly have eaten all of that? Cardan and I each had a smaller bag, only accompanying Oak to some of the doors, but Oak had multiple full bags. Once he went to sleep, Oriana was more than happy to give us some. She had learned how bad candy was for children’s teeth - even little Fae kids. She filled little bags for us to take back to Elfhame. 

Like anyone eating candy for the first time, Cardan went a little crazy. He wanted to try everything. Faeries might be different in a lot of ways, but I now have proof that chocolate is addictive even to them. 

The High King of Elfhame ate so much candy that he fell asleep on the couch, to the former General’s dismay.

#tfota #the folk of the air #cardan #cardan greenbriar #jurdan #judecardan #jude duarte #the cruel prince #the wicked king #queen of nothing #holly black #fanfic #fluff #laequiem

[codenamebooks]

10 Books I Hope to Read in 2021

This isn’t in any particular order, just books that I hope and plan to read this year. I’m really inspired by my reading year in 2020 which was the best in a long time I truly believe––may academics allow––that I can carry that into the new year. I set my Goodreads goal to 24 books and here are 10 I hope get included:

1. A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J. Maas

This is the first ever book that I’ve preordered, so this is an important mention! I fell in love with the A Court of Thorns and Roses series last year (my #1 books of 2020) so  I plan to keep up with it. All of the characters are my little babies that I want to protect. Their relationships are so sweet and they make me laugh and cry and make me happiness and fearful and hopeful. The fae world is also amazing with a great plot that got super political and action packed in book 3 and I hope to see some of that in this 5th book.

2. Never Fade by Alexandra Bracken

I’m also really big on wanting to continue series that I started in 2020 (especially finished series like this) so I don’t have to keep rereading the first books. Really all this requires is buying them. The Darkest Minds was fun and adventurous with some of the cutest friendships I’ve ever seen. I can’t wait to see how this turns politically and how it grows to Ruby vs. Clancy. This could get really intense and I’m ready for it, even if I’m stressed that I’ll end up crying.

3. Angela Davis

This is general want since I plan to get more into nonfiction and educational reading this year. I liked my read of The New Jim Crow and I feel like Angela Davis could give me a similar feel to fulfill my want for personal education. My current read is When They Call You a Terrorist and Angela writes a foreword in my edition––so I’m assuming if I like WTCYAT, I’ll also like Angela. Even if I only end up getting to her podcasts that would be fine because I’d just like to learn.

4. City of Ashes by Cassandra Clare

Just because I found the first book so entertaining and fast moving, I’m going to continue with this series. Plus the fact that I have every The Mortal Instruments book. It’s a pretty large world that I can’t just give up on so soon. Possibly just to get on the hype train, I’m going to try my hardest to dig into this series. There are a few things, I’m unsure if they will arise in this book or not, that I know will make me feel... weird––thanks to spoilers from 7 years ago when I thought I’d never read this series––but I’m ready.

5. The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater

I recently bought this at Half Price Books and I had no idea what I wanted to get until I saw this. For most of early high school, Maggie was my favorite author because I adored her Shiver series and loved the first two books in The Raven Cycle and recently enjoyed All the Crooked Saints. I hope to read all of her books someday and own them all. I had never liked magical realism so much until reading her and it’s now a theme in books that draw me in.

6. Betrayed by P.C. Cast and Kristin Cast

My current read is the first novel in this series and although I’m not sure if it’s worth it to continue the series, I think I will. My sister got me the first 4 books in a boxed set 5 or 6 years ago and I’m only touching them now. This could be a mistake because I’m much more mature of a reader than this is aimed at. I would hate to not read them though since it took me so long to read them, that’s not the books’ fault. I also think they could be good buffer reads as just a trashy, fun novel about high school vampires for when I’m busy.

7. Stand Off by Andrew Smith

This is a long awaited one! Winger, the first book in this duology, tore me apart! I keep forgetting that it’s one of the books that have made me genuinely cry over the years and it was my favorite novel of 2017 and I finished it on New Year’s Eve. I loved the style of writing and the characters were funny and lovable and the setting new to me at the time that everything was intriguing. I plan to reread Winger so that I remember everything that happens even though I know that I’ll be utterly heartbroken at the end but that is okay! I want to see how life turns out for our main character, whose name I don’t even remember!

8. Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas

I bought this one from B&N a few days ago and I’m super excited because I loved the ACOTAR series by SJM. I know that everyone who is a fan of her writing really adores this series as well and I’m ready to adore it too. It helps a lot that the series is completed because then I can soar through it without stopping. Surprisingly, I think I’ve managed to avoid spoilers from this series. I’m ready to throw myself in the characters and a new fantasy world by the SJM, who has risen to the top of my favorite authors list.

9. It’s Not Summer Without You by Jenny Han

Since only one other book on here so far is YA contemporary fiction, I thought it’d be perfect to include another one. This is a sequel I don’t yet have on my shelf but one I plan to buy. I loved Jenny Han in high school after reading TATBILB, which is my favorite trilogy ever and I had fun with the first book to the Summer series. Picking up Jenny Han again would hopefully revert me back to a time when reading was purely fun and I didn’t get upset if I didn’t meet my page goal for the day. I also haven’t read much contemporary (romance) since I started reading again over the summer even though it has historically been my favorite genre.

10. The Wife Upstairs by Rachel Hawkins

This is one that I plan on getting from Book of the Month. I would have gotten it in what I believe was the December picks but I had no idea what it was about. If I had known it was a Jane Eyre retelling, I would’ve picked it up immediately! Jane Eyre is probably my favorite classic of all time after reading it in high school. It’s obviously a modern version but I’d love to see how such a classic story is updated and made new. It will also help me read more genres since I didn’t read a single mystery thriller in 2020.

#10 books i want to read in 2021 #a court of silver flames #sarah j maas #a court of thorns and roses #series #never fade #alexandra bracken #angela davis #city of ashes #cassandra clare #the mortal instruments #the scorpio races #maggie stiefvater #betrayed #p.c. cast #kristin cast #house of night #stand off #andrew smith #winger #duology #throne of glass #it's not summer without you #jenny han #the wife upstairs #rachel hawkins #booklr #booklover #bookblr

[lily-mj-fae]

Elain should just end up alone. Lucien isn't a good match, he deserves his adventures and someone who would truly love him. Azriel is just as bad as Rhysand but ya'll will go to the moon and back to defend him for some weird reason. Graysen was a good start but it's clear SJM is done with him. The love interests for her are really not worth it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Are you looking for someone to agree with you?? Cause umm yea, you came to the wrong place. Like by a long shot.

On Lucien's front, first of all, you're wording implies that he's any better than the rest of the characters. That he's so perfect when in fact, he's not. Second of all, I think if it were handled well, Elain could love Lucien. Their biggest obstacle however, is the events in Hybern.

But they have potential. Elain won't send Lucien away, she'll be polite. Which is all she "owes" him. I think everyone is too caught up in their idealized versions of mates, of seeing Rhys and Feyre and thinking that anyone who wouldn't want that is insane. But think about what Feyre's reaction to being Rhys's mate would have been say...immediately under the mountain. If he'd told her right then and there. Or even if he'd made the claim at the wedding. It would have been pretty damn negative. (Granted keeping it from her didn't turn out to be great either and she was still mad, but she was able to build a relationship completely unaware). Now here we have Elain and Lucien. Where both are aware of the bond because Lucien blurted it out in the middle of an exceedingly traumatic event. Why on earth does Everyone expect Elain to just get over that. Not to mention, like her sister, Elain was already in love, in a relationship, engaged to be married, when the mating bond snapped into place.

So now, while Lucien is trying to keep things lighter, there's an expectation behind his actions. He can't help it. All of Prythian wants to find their mate (even depsite the potential they aren't a good match). There are hopes and dreams tied to this. And Elain: a lot of her trauma is now attached to Lucien. He was with spring, they even briefly talk about it. She was in love. Life as she knew it, ended the day he made that claim (not necessarily because of him. But given the side he was on and what happened to her, even if she logically understands that he had no part in it, emotionally it's hard to separate especially with that trauma).

So yes, it's going to take her a while to warm up to h when she knows he only cares because they're mates. Lucien wouldn't still be there so much if Elain wasn't his mate. Lucien wouldn't be trying so hard to get to know her if she wasn't his mate. And that's fine. But with some time, she could be more open to the idea.

And if things go Elcuien, imagine the adventures they'd go on together. Imagine Lucien watching as his mates stares out in complete awe on the deck of a ship, sunlight gleaming in her hair. Imagine Elain showing him how to tend flowers. And explaining that she doesn't mind the dirt and cuts that come from gardening. Imagine them finding their place in the day court upon learning who his true father is. And the joy they could experience. Imagine them sitting in a field, his head in her lap, her fingers running through his hair. Imagine Elain learning to be able to look him in the eye again, and finding beauty in his eye. Imagine them coming to peace with their previous loves being gone because they found love in each other.

And you're right. Az has real issues. Like feyre, rhys, elain, nesta, luien, mor and literally every single other character. Because all the characters have flaws. That doesn't mean he doesn't deserve love. Or a romance. And it certainly doesn't mean hmhe and Elain couldn't be a good match.

But i can see Elain and Az helping each other move on from their feelings for each other. I can see Az training Elain in self defense behind everyone's back. I can see the way he joins her in the garden, finding some peace away from everything else.

I can see the way they just trust each other and open up. And the way Az could learn to accept himself as he is, instead of thinking he's never going to be good enough. And i see Elain learning the same about herself.

I can even see their little shadow singer children and the chaos that could ensue. From that.

Graysen was great for what they were when she was human. But i don't think he truly loved her. If he had, i feel like he would have been far more conflicted at least about what happened. Or maybe his hatred for fae really is just that overwhelming. Regardless, yeah Graysen is over, maybe not though.

I for one would love to see some more conflict around him an Elain. Especially if its a "i made a mistake. I still love you" thing and Elain just rejects him and goes into the arms of whoever she loves.

My thing is, I want all the characters to get their happy ending (i realize it's not realistic but eh, i dont care). And Elain's happy ending I think needs to have love in the end. I don't think every character needs it, but i do like when they get it (hopeless romantic here). Like Feyre. She didn't really dream of love. If she hadn't found love in the end, but still found peace in her painting again, i would have enjoyed it too. But Elain i think is the romance story i want to see.

But Elain doesn't deserve to end up alone after everything is said and done. She deserves to find her happiness and her romance like everyone else gets to.

#elain archeron #lucien vanserra #azriel #elucien #elriel #acotar #graysen

[azrielsribbon]

I have always wanted to talk about the topic of Nesta, and how certain things led up to her clear signs of depression and ptsd, has been talked about a lot lately (as it should).

So after seeing lots of amazing discussions (from many amazing people such as @stardustsroses & @nestaarcher0n) I’ve gathered up my confidence, thought a lot, and here’s my spiel on her current situation and how her upbringing made her into the Nesta we know today. More specifically, the possible impact of her mother.

Nesta has gone through a lot. We cannot expect her to just change her attitude after she went through the events of the war and saw her own father get decapitated. She can’t even go in a bath without having horrid flashbacks for gods sake.

She isn’t going to cope the same way her sisters did. Forcing her to interact with a type of people she has feared her whole life isn’t going to help. Especially putting her in the mountains with a male that is possibly her mate.

Before I start, yes, she’s mooching off of Feyre even if she isn’t living with the Circle, yes she puts her heavy bar payment on their tab but Elain doesn’t have a job either. Let’s not forget Elain Archeron when we talk about Feyre and Nesta. Just because she’s sweet doesn’t mean she isn’t in the wrong.

The mortal worlds have always feared the fae. You know to stay away from the Faerie. Then one day, you and your sister get thrown in some thing called a cauldron and you can’t go back. You become the thing you’ve feared. The people you were once apart of now hate you.

Even before she joined the fae world, she had to gon through her mother’s lectures on how they’d grow up to marry and produce heirs. She thought Tomas Mandray was going to be her fate because of the morals implanted in her by her mother. She thought the only way to life as a woman was to marry, have children and host guests. The way her mother did it.

Yes, she didn’t step up when her mother died or when her father was in debt, but let me remind you Elain didn’t do anything either since everyone wants to forget about the sweet Archeron. I don’t see anything about her being called out??

Nesta is a person who is more action than words. She has shown her guilt, her regret for not helping Feyre by looking for her when Tamlin left with her. She helped out during the war, cut up bandages when she wasn’t asked to. She waited until she got the word that Cassian was ok after he was injuried. She has always been protective of both her sisters. Elain, however, seems to want to stay in the world where she doesn’t have to help others and see through their problems. She’d rather smile through it all then bring attention to the situation or fix it. Both Nesta and Feyre are not like this.

It’s no secret that the firstborn child has the most troubles as they are the guinea pigs (I can unfortunately attest to this), but here is an excerpt, in the narrative of Feyre, describing their late mother.

“My mother. Imperious and cold with her children, joyous and dazzling among the peerage who frequented our former estate, doting on my father—the one person whom she truly loved and respected. But she also had truly loved parties—so much so that she didn’t have time to do anything with me at all save contemplate how my budding abilities to sketch and paint might secure me a future husband. Had she lived long enough to see our wealth crumble, she would have been shattered by it—more so than my father. Perhaps it was a merciful thing that she died”. (Said in the first book of the series.)

Not the average mother, is she? Mrs Archeron does not involve herself with her children much and pays lots of attention to her status, and parties. Feyre mentions how she lectured her on how painting might secure her a husband. So if she spent the very little time she did with her daughters about husbands, we can pretty much develop a scene on how she raises her children and what she thought was “motherhood”.

For context, the age gap between each Archeron sister is around 1 to 2 years. Mrs. Archeron died of typhus when Feyre was 8. This would mean Elain was around 9/10, and Nesta was around 10/11.

If she’s talking to Feyre about husbands at that young age. she’s probably talking to Nesta and Elain about their maidenhoods, their first bleed and even children. She’d probably be expecting of Nesta to prepare herself for a prospective marriage.

She isn’t a dotting mother. She cares to spend her days showing to her friends and is said to care only for her husband.

Parents like this don’t raise children who are secure of themselves. These children have trust issues, attachment problems, overthink everything to the max and believe they will never be enough no matter what. They raise children who will do anything to get their mothers (or fathers) attention and anything they think will please them.

Her daughters (save for Feyre) are taught by the most prestigious tutors in the most prestigious subjects but this doesn’t teach them how to cook, how to sew or how to clean. It gives them the ability to marry rich and be the lady of a house, who has maids.

Mrs. Archeron is a rich and most likely a well-known woman. Her husband is the Prince of Merchants. This could lead her to engrave it in her own daughters that they need to be proper, ladylike, marry rich and to be a wife first, and even give many heirs to their husbands.

This hits the firstborn children harder than anything else. Because they are the experiments. The parents are new to things, they don’t know what is right or wrong. Nesta would’ve been expected to ready herself for any future suitors. 

On her deathbed, she makes her youngest daughter promise to do everything to take care of them. Even she knows that Elain and Nesta do not have the characteristics to take control and keep the household smooth. Feyre has shown more leadership and bravery in any situation than both of her sisters and THAT IS OK!! NOT EVERYONE IS A BORN LEADER! THAT IS WHY WE HAVE LEADERS!

So please, please do not attack Nesta for being a raw person. If she was a male this would be completely different. She is trying to recover and cope in her own way.

Now, I’m not saying Nesta is flawless. Because she isn’t. And I’m saying this as a person who feels that if I were to be put in the series, I’d be the Nesta. I think about my attitude and my outside picture everyday. Don’t think Nesta probably doesn’t think about her image each day. Anyone like her, myself included, think about this every minute of the day. And while I do smile through the mental pain everyday like Elain, Nesta is the only character I can relate to in the series. Her walls, her rawness and her ability to detect the lies and the bs are also engraved in me. It’s hard to trust and form life long friendships when your mindset is like this.

Thank you for reading if you have come down here. Seriously. From the bottom of my heart. I do not expect anyone to read after the first sentence.

Stay safe, sound and healthy! 🧡

#nessian #elain archeron #nesta archeron #feyre archeron #acofas #acowar #acotar #acomaf #sarah j maas #a court of thorns and roses #amren #night court #tamlin #spring court #feysand #a court of frost and starlight #illyrian #velaris

[nanstgeorge]

how acosf makes sense: the essay

i hate that i get so annoyed with acotar since it’s unfair cause it’s an unfinished series but as someone who likes knowing why a story is choosing to go down any particular direction—i can’t help but be frustrated? the original trilogy had solid foreshadowing which made it easy to understand how well orchestrated feyre’s arc was. but while i know that acotar is character based, as opposed to tog, it just feels like sjm bent so many of her storybuilding rules in acosf. nesta’s journey is one of the first things that comes to mind when thinking about my issues with the book. not because it was ooc, but rather that it was so unexpected and so terribly accurate. it’s difficult for me to give sjm credit on this because i have a feeling it was sjm’s self-indulgence instead of masterful storytelling that unintentionally created one of her greatest arcs ever.

for starters, i might just have zero reading comprehension but to me, there were so many signs of nesta not being a physical warrior and more of a mental strategist. so basically, nothing caught me more off guard than the entire valkyrie arc. not that there’s an issue with it since it ended up being one of my favorite elements of acosf, but it made me doubt my entire characterization of nesta.

it was likely that all of our initial theories of acosf were that there was an illyrian rebellion that nesta and cassian were going to have to deal with along with the antagonism of devlon. nesta was described so many times as a “queen holding court” in the original trilogy that i assumed she would make battle strategy her kingdom. but instead, everything that was introduced in acofas got snuffed in the first five chapters of acosf. knowing the three year difference in-between acofas and acosf, it makes sense that this was just another plotline that sjm changed her mind on. other examples of this are the flames drawn on the drawer to represent lucien/nesta and that both archeron sisters were only supposed to be evil stepsisters. both are clear indicators that nesta’s story was constantly changing over the course of several years.

going into the second phase of acotar, it was important to note that the pov change would complicate the story even more. we only knew nesta through feyre so everything that was described about her would be somewhat biased. nesta and feyre probably have the most complicated dynamic in the entire series so this was a very dramatic perspective shift. nesta was the haughty eldest sister that didn’t seem to care about anyone besides herself and elain. she treated feyre like trash and didn’t give a fuck. almost every mention of her in the first book has a somewhat negative connotation and it’s clearly stated that nesta is their mother’s daughter. but then, the audience finds out along with feyre that nesta tried to go over the wall for her. this is extremely significant for obvious reasons relating to their strained relationship but also when it’s noted that at this point in the story, feyre thought everyone forgot about her.

“You’re just a half-wild beast with the nerve to bark orders at all hours of the day and night. Keep it up, and someday—someday, Feyre, you’ll have no one left to remember you, or to care that you ever existed.” - Nesta, Chapter 2

My family, glamoured, cared for, safe, still had no idea where I was. The mortal world … it had moved on without me, as if I had never existed. A whisper of a miserable life—gone, unremembered by anyone whom I’d known or cared for. - Feyre, Chapter 19

No one would remember me back home—I was as good as dead to them. - Feyre, Chapter 19

I would never be able to paint Elain’s little garden outside the cottage the way I remembered it, even if my family didn’t remember me. - Feyre, Chapter 19

feyre was broken over the thought of no one remembering her and we find out that nesta—nesta of all people—came for her. the bitchy older sister, who refused to hunt in the woods and called feyre a savage for it, was the only one who remembered feyre and even tried to do something about it. this is not just a surprise to the audience but to feyre which proves that all of nesta’s mentions in the trilogy can be taken as very ambiguous. it’s after this moment that we can conclude that nesta does in fact care about feyre and there’s more to her than expected.

but aside from the obvious statement that every assessment in a sole narrators POV is biased, what makes acosf even stranger is that nesta’s ultimate arc to becoming a warrior makes complete sense? as human emissary, nesta made a good speech at the council meeting but she’s also driven by emotion, stubborn, and straight up impulsive when it comes to her actions. a prime example being that she had the choice to flea to safety but instead chose to literally die with a man she’d known for less than a year. this was a character that relied on her younger sister to keep her alive and was seemingly supposed to be selfish: yet given the option, she physically could not leave cassian and wouldn’t let him die alone.

to me, it’s a call back to when she chose not to marry tomas mandray in the first story. a man who, while also poor was still better off than the archeron’s were, could have given her a step up from her own life. tomas is a way out for nesta and she was going to use him to keep elain from starving. we then find out in a deleted scene between cassian and nesta that tomas had also attempted to sexually assault nesta and that feyre’s characterization of him as a “bad man” was correct. yet it’s explicitly stated that the attempted assault took place the day nesta ended their relationship. a relationship that nesta was ending because tomas refused to go to the woods with her to save feyre. nesta was willing to overlook everything about tomas, even offer her body to him, but his refusal to save her sister was the one thing she couldn’t accept.

“What happened to Tomas Mandray?” I asked, the words strangled. “I realized he wouldn’t have gone with me to save you from Prythian.”

No, she had not been with any male, Fae or human. Tomas had wanted to, and she . . . some part of her had known no future lay with him. Knew about his hateful father, and that he did nothing to prevent the man from beating his mother.

She’d been prepared to offer the only thing she had to barter to Tomas, if it would have kept Elain from starving. Would have sold her body on the street to anyone who’d pay her enough to feed her sister. Her body had meant nothing to her—nothing, she’d told herself as she’d felt her options closing in. Elain meant everything.

“But Feyre had come back with that food. And then vanished over the wall. Three days afterward, Nesta broke it off with Tomas.”

and to add on to the pile of initial nesta sentiments, she never wanted to be in a position of power in the first place unless it kept her from feeling weak. she was mean to people because she was angry at everything and cruel words were her only line of defense. but her arc as a valkyrie allowed her to become physically stronger and gave her an outlet to channel all of her energy. quite frankly, it’s easier to look back on how it was always elain who held the strings and was more of a strategist than feyre or nesta could ever dream.

all in all, i won’t give sjm credit for choosing to not expand on nesta’s death powers (since it annoys me lmao) but it’s clear that those were clearly unimportant to her storyline. she stole those powers out of anger and they would always remind her of the trauma from the cauldron anyway. they weren’t essential to the story because they weren’t nesta. the powers belonged to the cauldron whereas it was through being a valkyrie that she used her own personal strength. looking back, nesta’s entire supposed arc from the original trilogy is probably like the biggest red herring ever?

#ignore this but i had to get this out there