#please just let people discuss whatever they want to discuss as long as its not ACTUALLY harmful

[robynrocksforbrains]

Mike Wheeler is important and there's nothing wrong with analyzing him

Since y'all wanna be insufferable bitches about it I'm gonna explain to you why he's important, why Will loves him, why his struggles should be acknowledged, and why his character depth is pivotal to byler endgame being a satisfying conclusion for both Mike AND Will. Deal with it!

We are not seeing smoke where there isn't a flame. We are seeing smoke where there is a literal fucking forest fire.

Starting off with something a lot of people aren't ready for but I've seen more people talking about: Mike is the main character of s1 at the very least. He is the character that brings us into the world of stranger things. He is the character that the writers chose for this. Mike is the main character of s1 and it was an instant hit. The writers love Mike. Contrary to popular belief, giving a character an arc where they are struggling and their behavior changes from what is normal for the character we know and love does NOT mean the writers hate that character. It means they deliberately chose to give that character complexity and depth. Your inability to like characters that do anything wrong ever is not the fault of the writers. Your decision to act as if a character is not important is not reflective of the actual narrative because it in fact is in direct opposition to the narrative. So just to be clear, if you genuinely believe that Mike isn't important, or that the writers hate him, or don't care about him, or that his story "takes away" from any other character's - ESPECIALLY WILL'S - you are simply wrong.

In s1 and s2 Mike is established as an extremely caring person. He's loving, loyal, brave, intelligent, and trying his best. He is also established to be hot headed, someone who speaks without thinking quite often, someone who is capable of hurting his friends despite that being the last thing he wants to do. He is all of these things and more. He is a human. He is a kid. So in s3, when suddenly he is entirely different, it is completely logical to assume that there is a reason for that. He did not just wake up one day and decide he wanted to be an asshole, push Will away, make his friends feel abandoned, and echo the same sentiments their bullies held. Something is happening with him. He has so much going on in his head and it is painfully obvious. He's holding something in, he's hiding from everyone and from himself. We see glimpses of what he's trying to hide after Will calls him out on his behavior. Will gets through to him. Mike is usually unresponsive to tough love, except for when it's coming from Will. After their fight, it is obvious that he's trying to be better. But he still doesn't wanna face certain things, and he doesn't know how to navigate that. Because he's 13 years old.

There is a reason for all of that internal conflict. There is a reason it comes pouring out of him at certain times. He's crumbling. He is quite literally falling apart because he's holding on to too much. It's not a stretch to assume that, it just takes basic media literacy. Why would the writers have Mike act this way if he was just supposed to be a one dimensional character? Why would Finn be directed to portray Mike the way he does if there was nothing more going on? There are times where Mike looks like he's in physical pain because of his internal conflict. There is a reason for that. And acknowledging that DOES NOT mean people are taking away from Will. That's the most idiotic thing I have ever heard. Do y'all seriously not understand that more than one character can have emotionally complex storylines? Genuinely asking, is this a new concept for you?

Will's love for Mike

Will is head over heels in love with Mike. That is very much established. So when you're dismissing the emotional depth of Mike's individual arc because you think acknowledging it "takes away from Will" you are actually diminishing the significance of a huge aspect of Will's emotional arc. By taking away the significance of Mike, you take away from the significance of Will.

Let's do a quick recap of the very significant role Mike has played in Will's entire life:

Mike is Will's first friend.

They have grown up together and it can be assumed that they've reached important milestones together.

Mike has always been a safe person for Will. He's been a constant in Will's very chaotic and unfair life. Until the summer of '85, Mike had always been something good in Will's life. (That's not to say he is no longer something good, but it can be assumed that the summer of '85 is the first time Mike has been a causal factor in Will's unhappiness)

When Will went missing, Mike did not hesitate to search for him. It wasn't even a question of if. The moment he knew Will was missing he knew exactly what he'd be doing that night. He spearheaded the search amongst the party. He was the leader.

When Will came back, Mike was the only person that didn't treat him like he was gonna break. He cared for him, and he was there for him, but he didn't treat him differently; Will tells us as much. Which means we can infer that the way Mike was with Will in s2 - how gentle and loving he was - was nothing new. He had just always been like that.

When Will was possessed, Mike stayed by his side. Even when it was scary, even when it could've gotten him killed, he stayed. Because once again, for him, it wasn't even a question. That's just where he knew he needed to be. He was in the shed when they were trying to get through to Will. He was set apart from Lucas and Dustin, but he also wasn't equated to family. And his retelling of the story of the day they first met was the final push Will needed to find a way to communicate.

After a year of things being "weird" between them, Mike tells Will that he didn't deserve to be treated the way he had been. Mike tells him that he wants them to be okay again, and for the rest of the season he puts in the work.

Things get rough in s3, and at the beginning of s4, and despite all of that, Will confesses his love (albeit veiled). In a moment where Mike is feeling awful about himself, he tells him that he loves him and needs him, and he tells him why. And to him it doesn't matter that he's breaking his own heart to do it, because it's Mike. Mike, who makes him feel like he's not a mistake at all, and that he's better for being different. For Will, there was no other option. The person he loves was hurting and he knew how to help, and so he did.

Mike is the first person Will tells about Vecna still being alive. Because they're back to being a team. He knows he can trust Mike, and Mike seems to be very determined to prove him right.

SO.

These are all real and canon aspects of Mike's presence in Will's life. Will falling in love with Mike isn't something that just happened for no reason. Will fell in love with Mike because of who Mike is. When you acknowledge that, and when you acknowledge the reasons they've set out for why Will loves him - the reasons Will literally told us - you can better understand Will. But when you dismiss all of these things about Mike, you are dismissing a large portion of Will's emotional and romantic arc. You aren't being a Will Warrior. You are erasing so much of him and his feelings and his lived experience. That is not the hill you wanna die on.

Will loves a person. Not a feeling. Yes, he says that Mike makes him feel like he's not a mistake and that he's better for being different. But that's not why he loves him. He feels that way because he loves him.

Mike is a fully fleshed out character with his own feelings and struggles and fears and traumas and motivations. He's not a plot device. He's not just an accessory to Will's arc. He's not a character that was written only to be Will's love interest. He's Will's love interest because he's Mike.

If Mike didn't matter, and if Mike didn't play a significant role in byler, then they would be able to write in a love interest for Will in s5 and have it be somewhat satisfying. But they can't do that. Will's love for Mike has so much depth because Mike has so much depth. It is genuinely crazy that this has to be stated and that I have to back up this claim because it is simply a canon fact.

So yes, the rain fight affects Mike's character development and his involvement in it is important. Yes, the van scene literally could not exist without Mike and therefore his involvement in it is incredibly important. Yes, every single byler moment has an impact on Mike, and Mike has an impact on it because they are BYLER moments. Yes, Mike will have a lot of significant moments - with Will AND on his own - in s5 because his arc deserves and needs as much attention as Will's in order to execute byler endgame in a satisfying way.

No, none of these facts negate Will's importance or take away from his story. If anything, they add to it because Mike and Will's arcs are corresponding and intertwined.

Mike's struggles

To name a few

Dysfunctional family

Has been bullied his entire life

Extreme self worth issues

Inferiority complex

Hero complex

Lack of self preservation

Suicidal ideation (has been on display since SEASON ONE)

Internalized homophobia

To get this out of the way: Mike's internalized homophobia is allowed to be discussed. Discussion of it is not the dismissal of Will's internalized homophobia. Surprise surprise, two queer kids in the 80s have internalized homophobia! Who'd'a thunk it?! Their internalized homophobia presents in different ways but it is there for both of them. I personally relate to the way Mike's is portrayed way more than I relate to Will's. So why is it that we can't discuss it without being accused of erasing Will's experience? Or without people saying that we're "copy and pasting" Will's story? Because quite frankly, that feels dismissive of my - and likely many others' - real and lived experience. So please for the love of all things that are good just stop with this talking point because it will never hold up.

Moving on

I'm not gonna do a full breakdown of all of Mike's issues. Because contrary to popular belief, there are a lot. And that would be exhausting and I'd get carried away and it's not the point of this post. The point of this post is to defend the acknowledgement and mere existence of them.

If you're a byler that for some reason thinks Mike only exists to be Will's love interest and his trophy as compensation for his trauma, let me ask you this: Have you considered how awful it would be to have a queer character's individuality and emotional depth completely ignored for the sake of focusing on the queer character that "really matters"?

If Mike's own issues, with his queer identity and otherwise, aren't thoroughly explored... What's the point of all this? If Mike really is insignificant in this storyline and his individuality has no effect on it.. where's the emotional payoff? If his perspective doesn't matter... Why have the writers gone to such great lengths to ensure we don't have that piece of the puzzle yet?

Analyzing Mike and understanding Mike is very important to understanding byler. Once again, I think it's crazy that this needs to be said.

I also think it's important to note that characters can have similar struggles. There's no rule against that. Just like real life. Characters having similar struggles is not a bad thing, and acknowledging that their struggles are similar is not dismissive of either character. We're talking about STRANGER THINGS. Jonathan and Nancy's thing is "we've got shared trauma". They have literal matching scars. Shared experiences are some of the main building blocks for this show's romances. Byler has a TON of shared experience, basically their entire lives. We already know that. So wouldn't it be so beautiful for them to learn that they've been struggling with the same thing this whole time? That the entire time they felt alone in what they were going through when really they had each other and they never even knew it? Wouldn't it be so beautiful for Mike's acceptance of Will and Will's love for him was also a step toward accepting himself? Wouldn't it be beautiful for Will to learn that his love makes Mike feel like he's not a mistake? None of that would be in the realm of possibility if Mike didn't have emotional depth and if his individuality wasn't important.

And that leads me to my concluding point...

A satisfying execution of byler endgame hinges on Mike's individual emotional arc being handled well

God I hope this isn't controversial to say. I sincerely hope most people haven't forgotten that.

Here's a hypothetical:

Imagine season five has been released. You're watching it, and you notice that Mike has been relegated to just a supporting character for Will. We don't get any of his perspective. We don't get any explanation for his s3 and early s4 behavior. His breakup with El doesn't have any real tangible effect on him, it's really just used for El's character development. We never see him pining for Will like we saw Will pining for him. And then suddenly Mike is learning about the painting and then suddenly he's confessing his love and then suddenly byler is canon and official.

Now wouldn't that just be awful? Wouldn't that be unfair to the audience, to Mike, and to Will? For us to never learn just how much Mike had to go through to even be able to say it out loud? For Mike to never get the chance to prove to himself through word and action that he is the heart? For Will to never get an explanation for why things did get so "weird" between them? It would leave us with one big, nagging question: What was the point of everything Mike has said and done throughout the entire show if his conclusion is that lackluster?

Disregarding Mike for a moment (I know that's incredibly ironic given what the entire point of this is but just bear with me) - how would that be a satisfying conclusion for Will? I mean, Will's s4 arc was basically dedicated to showcasing his struggle with his sexuality and with his love for Mike. We were shown just how deep that love is. We were shown how patient, unselfish, unwavering, and beautiful that love is. So how would it be satisfying for Mike's love for him to not be shown with just as much depth? How would it be satisfying for Mike to just be a one dimensional character whose s5 arc is essentially "break up with girlfriend, wait to find out best friend is in love with him, say he loves him back, then they live happily ever after"? I think Will deserves for his love to be returned with the same intensity at which he gives it. And I think it should be clear to the audience and to Will himself.

Back to Mike!

Mike has been through so much shit. I don't think anyone that is denying that actually believes he hasn't been through shit. Because you'd actually have to watch the show on mute and with your eyes closed to think this kid hasn't had just the worst time. It's so ignorant to act as if this stuff hasn't affected him. There's stuff we've seen but there's stuff we also haven't seen. There are issues he has that date back to his childhood pre-canon. Just like Will, Mike has been a queer kid growing up in 80s smalltown conservative america. Acknowledging the pain he 100% carries because of that is so important. His perspective has been withheld from us, not because it's unimportant, but because it's the final puzzle piece. If we had Mike's perspective in s4, byler wouldn't be a "will they won't they" (even though we all know they will). If we got his perspective in s4, byler would be a "100% certain without a doubt they will". But the thing about his perspective is that it's so much more than just loving Will. It's fear. It's pain. It's insecurity. It's doubt. It's the belief that his happiness just doesn't matter all that much. All of that has to be explored. All of that has to be laid out in the open for us in order for byler endgame to feel earned. Mike's emotional payoff will lead to byler's emotional payoff.

Mike has known he loves Will. In s5 we will see him make a deliberate and active effort to overcome the things keeping him from doing something about it. And then he will do something about it.

And so when it finally happens. When both Mike and Will finally know that their feelings are requited, and when their arcs end with us knowing that they will face whatever life has in store for them together, that will feel earned. That will feel like the logical conclusion for both of them. Not just for Mike. Not just for Will. For both.

And Mike is just as important to that conclusion as Will is.

And one last thing...

Some people are going to talk about Mike more. Some people are going to talk about Will more. Because newsflash, people have preferences. Some people just relate to Mike more, or they find his emotional arc extremely compelling, or they just like him. It isn't an attack on Will or any other character. No one is saying Mike is more important than any other character (I'm sure there are people that say that but they are a vocal minority and they are simply wrong). We are just saying that he is important. If you wanna engage in media analysis, please understand that "main character" or "central character" does not mean "only important character" and "only character that should be analyzed". If you wanna talk about Will and only Will, that's fine. But you don't get to act like people that talk about other characters are doing a disservice to your fave, because that's not how any of this works.

#mike defenders i need you to back me up on this #i hope my points come across well #anyway #the way people have been talking about mike lately is so infuriating #its called BYLER analysis because its the analysis of BYLER the ship involving will AND mike #st fandom consistently proving that they have absolutely no idea how fandom works #its almost like people wanna talk about things they care about and you dont get to tell them to shut up #if you dont wanna see people talking about mike you can just mute tags about him #but if you dont wanna talk about mike youre missing a huge part of the byler puzzle and thats your loss #please just let people discuss whatever they want to discuss as long as its not ACTUALLY harmful #sometimes i think y'all are allergic to fun #byler #mike wheeler #mike wheeler analysis #will byers #< this is about him too #byler analysis #byler endgame #stranger things

[marklikely]

and i have zero answers about this but i feel like we as a collective need to figure some stuff out bc we cannot keep having these constant threads about how all lgbt media is sanitized and boring these days in between callout posts for how every new lgbt media that isn't sanitized and boring is irredeemable problematic media you can't blog about

#i dont know what to do about this either so i am offering no suggestions #cause like idk. jsut like with the adventured zone the quest to find unproblematic diverse characters is just giving us boring . #but at the same time i get it like some things are just impossible to get past and that line is different for everyone #idk man! what do you do i dont want people who hit their limit on Problematic elements to just shut up and let others have fun or w/e #but i also think its really not getting us anywhere to be like. every new thing thats coming out has some problematic aspect dont watch it. #and this is the state we're in after years of the like 'critically consuming' discussion so clearly THATS given us zero progress too. #us deciding 'well you can like some problematic things as long as you're aware of it' has like #not improved the conversation at all its just deferred it to like 'well whats too problematic to like critically then' #and thus the cycle continues we're still having the exact same issue as before :/ #avpost #if anything the critical consumption movement has made the problem worse because now #people are just being completely hypocritical and deciding what is or isnt 'too problematic to like critically' comes down to personal tast #taste*. whatever you like is ok to enjoy critically and whatever you dislike is too problematic to enjoy at all. #and the conversation just gets perfectly stuck there cause as it turns out you can like #rationalize and intellectualize just about any opinion even if you only got there using your own emotions #so its very easy to believe you're being objective about it and have solved the issue but really haven't solved anything at all #and let the record show im not immune to anything ive described here ok goodnight. this is just thinking out loud. #feel free to weigh in just please dont treat this as like some coherent mission statement or declaration. #i am litcherally typing as im thinking and not really editing. this is just an open discussion of my unfiltered thoughts lmao #but if you also have thoughts id love to hear it.

[marriedtobigfoot]

Part two of this story, where Robin discovers Steve’s type. A lot of people seemed interested in more, so here you go! 

The conversation doesn’t go quite the way Robin is expecting it. She’s fully prepared for Steve to launch into saying how confused he is because he’s feeling weird pants feelings for Eddie, but how does that work because he likes girls? She’s been mentally preparing herself for that exact discussion since she watched Eddie Munson call her best friend ‘Big Boy’ in the middle of committing grand theft auto. So when Steve starts talking, curled up on the gross linoleum tile of Family Video, she’s taken by surprise. She doesn’t even get the chance to answer his question before he’s throwing her prepared speech out the metaphorical window. 

“That’s stupid, you already told me that. Sharon Parker in the 5th grade, holding hands for Red Rover, blah blah blah, I know that. But like…Have you ever acted different around a girl, and then one day, you realize it’s because you like her? Like, you had a crush on a girl without even realizing it? Does that make any sense?” 

It takes Robin a second to reboot, but the second she manages, Steve throws her even further off track. 

“It’s just, Tommy H came by the other day, and he said some stuff that really has me thinking and-” 

Robin can’t stop herself. As soon as she hears a name other than Eddie Munson, she has a hand out covering Steve’s mouth. He gives her a look, surprised and confused. Maybe a little annoyed. She valiantly ignores him because what he just said has her head spinning, and she needs to put a stop to it right now. 

“Steve. My best friend in the whole universe. I’m here for whatever you need and whatever you might be figuring out about yourself. You know I’m going to support you 100% no matter what happens but…Please. PLEASE tell me that you didn’t just discover you have a crush on TOMMY H! He isn’t even your type, Steve! He isn’t even in the ballpark of your type! He’s so far off it’s honestly kind of laughable and-” 

Now it’s Steve who puts a hand over her mouth. 

“Jesus, Robin! First of all, gross. I’m not into Tommy, okay? Never gonna happen, not in a million years. And second, what the hell do you mean ‘my type?’ What the hell would you know about my type?” 

Robin carefully removes his hand from her face and shakes her head. She has absolutely no clue where this conversation is going, but there’s still a chance it can work its way somewhere good. Somewhere Munson-related. And she owes it to Steve to listen to his crisis properly. 

“Nevermind, forget that. What happened with Tommy?” 

“Okay well, he came over, like I said. He was super wasted, and I guess he and Carol broke up? And he started talking about when we were friends, and how he always used to try and get closer to me. He said he almost asked me if I wanted to practice kissing once? And he talked about like, trying to touch me all the time, trying to make me laugh? Basically saying he had a crush on me, which was super weird.” 

Robin nodded, because really, she had no idea what to say to that. 

“And then he kissed me. Which was kind of gross because he tasted like whisky and he was being all sloppy, like he wanted to eat my face. But…” 

“But?” 

“It wasn’t as gross as I would have expected I guess.” 

“I thought you said you didn’t like him!” 

“I don’t! It just, wasn’t a totally horrible kiss okay? Only a little horrible.” 

Robin sighed and let her head tip back against the wall. 

“Okay, I’m not seeing your dilemma yet. Tommy liking you and kissing you is kind of weird sure, but it doesn’t change anything about you.” 

Steve’s eyebrows furrowed, and he let out a puff of air. He looked small in this bathroom, scared in a way that Robin hated. They had faced down monsters, torture, long shifts with Keith. A conversation with his best friend should never have Steve looking that afraid, ever. 

She reached out and took his hand in her, giving it a gentle squeeze. 

“Hey, it’s okay Steve. Tell me what’s going on in that head.” 

“It’s just…Some of what Tommy said. About how he tried to get closer to me, to touch me and make me laugh and shit? I guess I realized that I’m doing that stuff. With somebody else. And if Tommy did it because he liked me then…” 

“You think it might mean you like this person. This…guy?” 

“Yeah. This guy.” 

There it was, the Eddie Munson of it all. Because Robin only knew of one guy that Steve spent his time with and would be trying to be touchy and close with. She had watched it happen with her own eyes, the way Steve would look for reasons to lean past Eddie, to put a hand on his shoulder, his back, once getting brave and putting a hand on his waist. She’d watched Eddie do the exact same things around Steve, too.

Part of her almost just comes out and tells Steve, that she knows who he’s talking about. Except he still looks unsure. He looks like he wants to throw up a little, and Robin has to fix that. 

“You know it’s okay right? For you to like this guy?” 

“I know. It’s just weird, to realize I might like him that way. Normally I can figure out when I’m into someone.” 

“Well, normally you aren’t friends with the people you’re into first. That makes it confusing.” 

“And I’m normally into people with boobies.” 

“That too.” 

Steve lets out a tiny laugh, and it makes Robin beam. Something about Steve is lighter now, like somethings been lifted off his chest, something that’s been there for a really long time without him knowing. She wants to tell him how much she’s loves him. How much she cares about him and supports him. She wants to tell him about all her research, and fully explain to him her findings when it comes to ‘his type.’ 

She wants to tell him that she knows the guy he likes is Eddie. That she thinks Eddie might like him too. 

The ‘ring for service’ bell ruins her chance at saying any of it. 

She and Steve both clamber off the floor, adjusting their vests before exiting the bathroom to greet whoever keeps ringing the stupid bell over and over again. Robin can’t decide if it’s the best luck in the world, or the worst, when it’s Eddie Munson himself standing at the counter. 

She leans towards best luck when she sees the way Steve’s cheeks go red.

A few people asked to be tagged if I did a part 2, so hopefully I do that right! I’ve got a few more parts planned, so if anybody else wants to be tagged let me know and I’ll do my best!

@kaiscove​ @wolfstarlights​  @awkwardgravity1​ @anonymousbandgirl​  @f1ct1onwh0re

#steve harrington #Robin Buckley #Platonic Stobin #Wingman Robin Buckley #Steddie #Eddie Munson #stranger things 4 #stranger things #steddie ficlet #stommy #one sided stommy #because I am a Tommy was in love with Steve Truther FIRST and a person never #Steve may have liked him once upon a time but that ship has sailed now

[wearelordofcrime]

Hello everyone, there's something that I'd like to share with everyone here, because I believe it will help a lot of people.

For us folks who engage in imaginary worlds, with canon characters or our own creations, who have deep conversation with their faves in their heads or need their comfort character's shoulder to cry on, there is an unavoidable phenomenon which I took the liberty of naming "Character burnout".

"Character Burnout" essentially means that you have no energy in order to visualise your character(s) in your mind or engage with them on your imagination. I've come to the conclusion that it can be a result of an actual burnout (mental) or it can be irrelevant to mental state and your mind is overwhelmed. Simply put, it is the way your mind kindly asks you for a small break to charge its batteries. After all, picturing an entirely different reality needs a lot of energy.

Now, the reason I'm saying all this, is not for the sake of just mentioning it. I understand that a lot of us are extremely attached to our comfort characters/ f/o(s) or whatever you prefer calling them, myself included, and this situation can be very stressful. Personally, I panic, thinking that I've lost interest to my favourite characters or "grew out of it" to the point I become unable to function at all, but, after a small amount of time I can connect with them again.

So, when you experience this, please don't jump into conclusions or let fear overcome you, the connection will come back again as enjoyable as ever, you just need to be patient and give your mind the time it deserves to recharge in order to take you places again. It may take days, or weeks, but the love we have for our characters is never gone.

If anyone wants to talk about this, please do speak your mind, and I'm open if someone wants to discuss it with me as well.

So um that's it, and and sorry for the long post!

#f/o #f/o comfort #f/o community #f/o positivity #imagine your f/o #imagine your romantic f/o #romantic f/o #fictional other #fiction #fictional characters #anime #manga #moriarty the patriot #william james moriarty #yuukoku no moriarty #william james moriarty x reader #x reader #self insert #oc #oc art #my ocs #reader insert #reader x character #reader x canon #oc x canon #oc x reader #oc x oc #ox #oc x cc #oc x character

[catboybiologist]

Hi! I’m CatboyBiologist.

Formerly a femboy, now a trans woman just starting HRT, and a PhD student in molecular biology. I started using this online persona as a fun, shitposty way to explore gender a few years ago. I post selfies (generally sfw, but somewhat sexy, so minors and ppl who don’t like that have been warned), rambles about science, tutorials and advice from the stuff I’ve learned by being a femboy in the past, nature pictures, stuff about the ocean, my adorable grumpy little tortoise, and unsolicited opinions on random nerdy topics. Any pronouns are fine. I don’t plan to socially transition for a while, and still present as a man most of the time, so I’m used to whatever you wanna use for me (for now, I’ll update this if that changes). Please send me pictures of your pets or other cute animals in your life!

As a scientist, I’m also documenting my transition! This google sheet will be updated at least monthly. I also have additional metrics I’m keeping to myself, and pictures that go with this, but I’m not sharing them publicly yet. Keep in mind that this is just one person’s experience with HRT, and may not represent universal trends!

Adding a little something here, bc I think it was an interesting bit a writing: if you want to see me respond to a transphobe about what "biologically female" means, here's a thing I wrote about it. CW for transphobia and discussion, obviously.

Also, if any of my measurements look weird, its entirely possible I fucked up. Let me know if anything looks off!

Here’s some of my favorite pre-HRT pictures:

If you want to see more of my pre-HRT selfies, browse the “femboy” tag on my blog!

And as of this writing, I’m only 2 days after the start of HRT, so here’s a picture with my tortoise that’s technically post-HRT (but with 0 time for actual changes):

If you want to see my future post-HRT selfies, browse the “trans selfie” tag on my blog!

Also here's another really cute picture and fanart of my tortoise by @whalesharkcat:

I have affectionately given my tortoise the title of The Grumpus.

I also wrote a couple of tutorials and general vibes about being a femboy before I started HRT:

Sometimes I make shitposts of myself, I don’t take myself too seriously:

This includes the way I came out on tumblr:

And here’s an overly serious, long ramble about trans thoughts and things that I wrote shortly afterwards:

Later addition: Someone asked how I take selfies, so I wrote a quick and dirty guide with some tips on how I do so in response to their ask:

Oh yeah and apparently I was a 196 microcelebrity? I never to thought I was popular enough for that but apparently some people do 🤷‍♀️. So uh, hi 196 tags, I'm abusing you for my pinned post LOL

As for terminology, I personally do think of myself as a “man who is becoming a woman” as opposed to having always been a woman. If that doesn’t resonate with your experience, I totally get that! But that’s why I freely call pre-HRT me a femboy, while still calling post-HRT me a trans woman. I’m also keeping the blog name as CatboyBiologist for the forseeable future, because at this point, Catboy just seems like a gender neutral term to me.

I’m also trying to put together a script for a podcast regarding how studying biology influenced my perspective on sex and gender- lmk if there’s any interest in that! It’s probably gonna be way too long and indulgent but oh well.

So uh. Yeah. I don’t end these types of things well. Byeeeeee

#196 #r196 #r/196 #rule #/r/196 #trans #transitioning #trans woman #trans femme #tortoise #tort #russian tortoise #trans tutorial #trans tummy tuesday #transgender #trans tumblr #trans selfie #trans journal

[genevawren38]

I have a few things to say about Quackity's stream and the QSMP as a whole.

If you haven't watched the stream, please do so here, I refuse to paraphrase and believe it should be watched in its entirety to form your own opinions. [Here is the YouTube link]

First of all; I don't think any of the actions Quackity took were deliberately malicious. I believe, in my opinion, he got swept up in the excitement and hype surrounding this new project, and we all know how easily that can happen. It's so easy to ignore the small things when you are being showered in positivity.

I think the project got far bigger than he thought which opens up everything to a lot of criticism.

But he does not deserve to feel unsafe, nor is it any sort of appropriate to send him death threats under any circumstances. Nor to anyone, that is a line we should not cross.

Please, for the love of everything, remember this is one of the biggest projects he has ever attempted. Balancing management, his real life, and his public figure status must be incredibly stressful, and you can only do that for so long until things start to go unnoticed. Someone spread so thin is bound to crack, and unfortunately, I think that's what happened with the administration. He's an incredibly busy guy, and to expect him to be so hands-on with the project while keeping up with the rest of his life and future prospects is an inhumane task to keep up with.

Yes, I absolutely agree that healthy amounts of criticism are necessary in something as groundbreaking as this. But under no circumstances *ever* does that become something you can threaten another's safety over.

I also agree he should have said something and apologized to the previous admins who were brave enough to share their story. But I also can agree with the fact this might have been better done privately, at least as much as possible, because the moment you get the public involved someone malicious is going to rip their words apart to use in whatever fashion they wish.

But it's hard to be truly objective and honest when every word you ever say online could be misconstrued and twisted to suit another's fancy.

I think that's where most of the issue lies, at least to me. There are systems in place when handled in a law environment to protect those affected. The moment anything goes public, it's free game for someone to use as they wish.

I think in certain situations, getting the public involved in the good fight is a sound decision, for a group of people are louder than one individual. But it can also grow wildly out of control if not handled properly, and for a delicate situation like this, I think it's only drawn the whole situation out to a painful amount.

I dislike the fact that a lot of my passion has disappeared for the server because this server is full of people whose content I enjoyed previously and some I've only now discovered.

But, I still do believe it's possible for us to hold hope. I have to hold onto that because if there truly is a way for this to turn around it can serve as an example it's possible to recover and put your best foot forward.

I think there's been mistakes all around, blown wildly out of proportion, but I do still want to give this place a chance.

Because what an example it could become if solutions can be found that helps all the parties and the fandom affected by this all.

That's all. Again, this is just my opinion, and I want to discuss it if people want to talk about it reasonably.

Please form your own thoughts after watching the stream, and try to keep an open mind. I understand this might drive a lot of people away, but I believe in the heart of what QSMP is.

This server and community are meant to unite people from across the world. Let's give it a chance to continue to do so, eh?

Edit for some clarification ;

I do not blame the admins for doing what they had to. I'm proud of the brave actions they took facing such a massive community head-on.

I just wish it all could have gone down differently, but we can't change the past, only hope for a better future.

[Here is a transcript of the stream from Twitter, please watch the stream as a priority though]

Edit 2: adding this too

#qsmp #wrenrambles #qsmp situation #quackity studios #quackity smp #again go watch the stream first #form your own opinions #you can critisize but its much better received in a reasonable tone #qsmp discourse #qsmp discussion #qsmp admins #qsmp admins situation

[squerlly]

flames of desire chapter 6: troublesome

Alastor x (f! bunny reader)

your POV: Earlier this morning Alastor had made breakfast again and Charlie called everyone over, heading out I take a seat next to angel, a plate waiting for me. Alastor had made French toast topped with powder sugar, I don't quite remember the last time I had French toast, picking up my fork I cut a piece off taking a bite letting out a satisficed hum in response. while everyone was eating angel was talking about wanting to go to a nightclub later today "angel the point of redemption is to clean yourself of sins" "oh cmon its just a bit of drinken, I promise I wont do drugss~ y/n you'll come with me wont ya?" stopping mid bite I put my fork down "uhm angel... I haven't been out to drink in a while and besides I'm not very good at holding my-" "nahh it will be fun trust me, ill take care of ya!" "I- I mean I guess" "great later tonight, dress in somethin sexy, ya never know who might be there~" I roll my eyes as I finish my food.

Alastors POV: a night club? I would have never taken y/n for a person who enjoys such activity's...especially with angel, that could be troublesome. "angel perhaps you should take somebody else with you, wouldn't want another mishap like last time~" "now how the fuck did you know about that!!!" "I know everything angel..." "your fucken creepy" "you could be more clever with your words" "whatever well be fine Val wouldn't be there, I hope..." not very convincing "well its none of my business what happens to you, just don't drag others along when something does"

your POV: Alastor left the table leaving everyone else to finish there food. during the evening I help niffty with some cleaning, husk threw up on the carpet from drinking to much and she needed help cleaning the stain. after what felt like hours the floor was clean and it was time for me to get ready for tonight. walking back to my room I rummage through my closet seeing if I have any nice outfits or dresses, I stumbled upon one dress that was all black, it had an open back stopping above my tail with thin straps and a semi deep V line, it was long enough that it covered but one wrong move and its over, putting it on it was well fitted, hugging my waist nicely. I never had time to do my makeup so I went to angels room to help with my hair and face "well babes you look good enough to eat~ if I liked girls" "thanks angel", while he did my hair we laughed and talked, "if you don't stop moving while I'm doing ya eyeliner were gonna fight" "its to close to my eye!" "its eyeliner!!!". eventually we were done getting ready and he dragged me to his bathroom mirror, "angel I- I look so..." "hot?" I huff out a laugh "yeah ok" "ill meet you downstairs?" I nod heading out of the room to the lobby.

Alastors POV: Charlie and I were discussing her idea about hosting a "party" for sinners who are interested in redemption but she described it more like a ball. it wasn't bad idea but I'm sure people would only be there for the food. this idea lasted in my mind for a short while before Charlie let out an ear wrenching squeal "Charlie dear please do not-..." y/n walked into the lobby in a dress that I was not to keen on letting her leave outside with but my she looked beautiful. "y/n you look amazing!!!" "oh thank you Charlie, I'm not quite used to dressing like this..." "well my dear it is an interesting choice of clothing but you look wonderful" you look like I'm gonna have to murder a few people later "thanks alastor" "of course my dear, now if you excuse me I have some business to attend to"

your POV:

seeing angel walk out "alright babes you ready to party!!" "angel please please pleaseee!!!! be safe" "well be fine Charlie well be back before ya miss us" as we walk out of the hotel we head to the club that angel frequents at.

Alastors POV:

watching angel and y/n leave I turn to the hallway seeing my shadow grinning at me "follow them" with a nod it leaves, I'm not letting her out of my sight, especially looking like that...that's asking for trouble I will not allow

your POV:

walking into the club the music was so loud you could hear it from outside, the place was crowded and reeked of alcohol and cigarettes'. holding onto angels hand for dear life we finally manage to reach the bar "what can I get you to hotties" looking at angel I shrug, not knowing this place all to well "ill get a sex on the beach and shell get a margarita thanks~" "a margarita?" "oh cmon gotta start off strong" "your paying for my funeral" as the bar tender slides over our drinks we both clink glasses as we start off our night.

one hour into the night and I have lost angel, the effects of having to many drinks to count starting to kick in, pushing my way past the crowd looking for angel I bump into somebody tall somebody familiar?....wait no that's- "is that the little conejita I see~ well isn't that a surprise, what brings you to my club? back for a job~" "V-Val oh uhm I'm not-" slurring my words he drags me to a booth sitting me on his lap "somebody's had to much to drink today~" "no I have to go I'm looking for-" "now now leaving already, sit and stay a while let me treat you for a bit" trying to slip off his lap his two bottom hands have me held by the waist and I knew drunk or sober, that I was in deep shit...

because I was a day late I will be posting 2 chapters today so stay ready for the best ideas I have to bring to life I love you all hope you enjoyed and stay tunned~

-squerlly

@pooplyface1423 @strippezzz

for more content and chapter please click this masterlist

#hazbin #alastor x reader #alastor #hazbin alastor x reader #hazbin hotel x you #alastor x reader smut #hazbin hotel smut #hazbin hotel x reader #alastor x y/n

[windvexer]

Heylo! I wanted to ask about your experience post initiation if that's alright .i recently did a tarot reading and got told that to please spirits in order to begin a good working relationship, i must contemplate and be ready to be Changed. there were lots of signs that it could lead to feelings of isolation, and otherness but it will lead me deep into myself (sry if this is too long.) i want to know if u went through something similar, or something else, and is it worth it personally for you. I would also love some pointers as to what I'm supposed to contemplate about. I don't mind the isolation but maybe I'm not understanding some key aspect of it. anyway thank you and i love your blog it's an irreplaceable resource for me. :)

Hi :)

Spirit-lead initiation into witchcraft is a controversial topic, I think in part because it can be very uncomfortable to discuss.

I have been relatively open on my blog that my initiatory experience was extremely painful and required a level of sacrifice and transformation that I was too immature to comprehend at the beginning of the process. Even now it's not something I'm sure I could articulate.

For me it was a process that lasted the majority of a decade. I think this is a relatively average timeline - which I just bring up because I think it's useful to point out that if you are facing the same sort of thing that I faced, it's not just going to be over in a few weeks or months.

Was it worth it personally for me? I don't know. Right now, my answer is that I love who I am and I like my life, and I wouldn't be who I am or have this life if I didn't go through that process. I used to say I'd never do it again if I had the choice. Now, a few years after the fact, sometimes I say I'd do it again. Maybe in a decade I'll think it was worth it.

It's my belief that the sort of initiatory process I, and others, have gone through, isn't necessary for most people to form a good working relationship with the spirits.

I believe that if you have the choice, you should very, very carefully contemplate initiation and only agree to it after a prolonged period of reflection.

So, what's there to contemplate? I dunno. Otherness on the path to spirit-working was a major part of my trip, so if we are kindred, here's maybe something to contemplate:

You are a boulder. You are a very nice boulder in the wilderness. You're composed of many varieties of minerals and metals. You are a gorgeous boulder, glittering in the sunlight, hosting a unique map of inclusions and ore veins unlike any other boulder in the world.

You sit high up on a mountainside. A few meters behind you is a river. Below you is a dry valley.

The waters of the river are pressing up behind you. They rush past you, sweeping by, continuing their eternal circuit in the mountain-range, but rarely trickling into the dry valley below.

One day, you gain an interest - as some boulders do - in allowing some of the water to trickle past you into the valley below. The secrets of nature will allow you to sometimes let water to lap up over your sides, and through narrow crevices, to water the plants you find to be most beautiful, and provide drinking pools for the little animals you hold most dear.

Little by little, the valley beneath you begins to change as you apply yourself to learning the secrets of nature and letting the water flow past you.

After some time, the water begins to whisper in your ear. It appreciates your interest in its flow - it likes your focus on the river. A deal can be brokered:

The river will dissolve only some of the minerals and inclusions that run through you, creating hollow tunnels. Through these tunnels, the water can flow much more easily and rapidly.

But there are conditions.

The conditions are that whatever is washed away can never be returned. How could it? What force in the universe could restore the crystalline structure within you once the waters have carried it away?

And, the river chooses which inclusions will be removed. The river is very wise in these matters; it knows better than anyone how water can best flow through any boulder. It isn't up to you to choose what leaves, and it isn't up to you to choose the nature in which the water will flow through you.

Finally, if you use the secrets of nature to ever stop the flow of water through the new inclusions, you are at risk of crumbling away. The empty caverns within you will dry up and leave you empty in places that should be whole.

The river asks you to contemplate and return with an answer.

Of course it leads you deep into yourself. The river is going to run right through you.

#answered

[neuvistar]

hi hi is it okay if i req kaeya with a reader who has a habit of bouncing her leg all the time and one day he just puts his hand on her thigh and gently rubs to stop her and she just gets really flustered and it leads to bedroom activities <33

MHM! OF COURSE yk what they all say, you ask and you shall receive! (I am so sorry this took longer than it should have, I did not mean for it to do so ૮꒰ྀི ⸝⸝´٥ ˋ⸝⸝ ꒱ྀིა and i kinda added a few things hope that’s fine) IM SORRY IF THIS IS SHORT OR NOT AS GOOD I WROTE IT A FEW DAYS AGO AND FINISHED TODAY IM V TIRED 😓 AND IM SORRY ITS NOT WHAT YOU EXPECTED I HAD A BIT OF TROUBLE

BOLD AS EVER.

— featuring . kaeya alberich x fem!reader

— warnings / content warnings . nsfw. slight semi-public sex at first, fingering, she/her pronouns, thigh riding,, use of nicknames, not proofread, mm i hope this is fine i don’t write a lot for the tall males and know a lot about their personalities so i hope this is fine, overall suggestive content, please let me know if i missed a few ໒꒰՞ ܸ. .ܸ՞꒱ა || 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

✦ KAEYA . ALBERICH

meetings. ah, meetings. to be honest, you weren’t quite fond of them especially if they were hours long, listening to Master Jean and all the other knights talk, giving their own opinions on topics they discuss about, coming up with ways on how to protect monstadt and all those boring things! it was bad enough you were dating the calvary captain, kaeya. every now and then he’d drag you along to meetings with him, he’s always ramble about “missing you” or even ridiculous things such as he wouldn’t be whole without you by his side, so sweet of him yet so ridiculous! though you never really pay attention to anything master jean says, but oh well.

“my top priority is to put a stop to anyone or anything who may pose a threat towards monstadt, I expect you all to take this to heart and keep in your minds. this nation is ours, barbatos gave us freedom to live and fight for ourselves with him by our side, we mustn’t throw that all away. have we all got that?” she spoke with her head up high, a determined expression on her face. goodness she was always so hard working, you wonder.. does she ever take any breaks from all this difficult work on her plate? your eyes sparkled in awe, you were so caught up on all your other thoughts and wonders about the acting grand master you didn’t even realize how much your leg was bouncing from anxiousness, fingers shaking. the calvary captain by your side glanced at you, eyes then fixating on your leg.

he brought his hand down to your side slowly and gently caressing your thigh. “you alright?” you flinched, face heating up as your body got even warmer as well. “y—yeah!.. i’m just not used to big huge meetings like this, i’m just nervous” you stuttered bringing your voice down to a whisper, squeezing your thighs closer together. “you sure? because we can leave this meeting if you want to” he whispered to you tapping you with his index. “nono! don’t worry about it, i’ll be fine” the bouncing of your leg began to slow down by the second as you felt more wayyy calmer now that you were talking with kaeya, although.. this didn’t last too long now did it?

all of a sudden, a gasp left your lips. kaeya’s hands moved up further into your skirt as he stared at you, rubbing your thigh once more as if he was asking for consent, in which you nodded. oh boy, you shouldn’t have. kaeya used his hand to lightly flip your skirt, revealing your soaked panties to him. “apologies for this babe.” “whatever! just get this over with, we’re still in a meeting you know? atleast try to be qui— mnn!” the calvary captain took your word, shoving your panties aside as he plunged his fingers inside your wet cunt feeling it clench around him already. “you want me as much as i want you, hm?” “mmh! fuck you kaeya, just be quick with this theres people aroun—“ two fingers, then three. you prayed to the gods that no other knight can see what you both were doing, trying your absolute hardest to hold back the moans that threatened to leave your throat, god.. kaeya’s such a jerk sometimes!

his thumb rubbed the softness of your thigh, licking his lips. fuck.. it was not only you that struggled to focus, it was also him. he slightly bit his lip at the sight of red blush forming on your cute little cheeks, swallowing a lump in his throat as he wonders how cute your mouth would look around his cock, cheeks hallowed and taking him so well like the good girl you are.. his fingers continued to pump in and out of you until your pussy spasms around his digits, reaching your orgasm as you came on his fingers.

what a bold jerk. bold as ever.

— buuuwwep !! ૮꒰ྀི >⸝⸝⸝< ꒱ྀིა

“yeah? yeah.. you like that? you like how good your pussy feels when you rub yourself against my thigh like this?” you exhale sharply with teeth clenched and pressing yourself closer against kaeya’s chest. your hands latched onto his shoulders for dear life, fingers pinching the soft fabric of his clothes as you rolled your hips. rubbing your core harshly against his thigh you pant and groan greedily wanting to feel more of him, moaning his name ever so gently against the shell of his ear. “you like it when i fingered you with people surrounding us? you poor little thing would’ve been caught if i fingered you even further..” he reached for the hem of your shirt lifting it up swiftly off your head before taking a tit in his mouth, sucking and licking at it desperately, pinching and pulling at the other. “you like it when i touch you like that during meetings? getting flustered over me doing things to you, hm? you want people watch me break you next? fuck your brains out until you can’t do it no more, sweet thing?”

he grabbed your hips, strong hands helping you rub yourself even more against his thigh feeling heat pooling down from your legs already reaching another orgasm, gripping his shoulders even tighter as you rode him even more desperately, body jolting at the sudden slap on your pussy from him, squirting on him before creating a mess on the sheets and on your boyfriend. “that’s three, you cum a lot do you? and sometimes my dick isn’t even inside you when you do, that’s impressive.. don’t you think?” “there are days where i want to slap the hell out of you, y’know” “aww.. don’t be mad babe. can you still handle another round? haven’t came inside that pussy of yours yet, gotta help me with that too”

WAHA IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG ANON!! WORST OF ALL, ITS SO SHORT WAHAHAHA IM SORRY ૮ ㅠ ㅅ ㅠ ა man.. SO SORRY EVERYONE IM GONNA NAP NOW, ILL CORRECT THINGS LATER — Maryse

#ᖭི༏ᖫྀ maryse’s diary ૮꒰˶˃̵ ^ ˂̵˵꒱ა #genshin imagines #genshin impact smut #genshin smut #kaeya imagines #kaeya x reader #kaeya x you #kaeya smut #genshin headcanons #genshin kaeya #kaeya ૮꒰ྀི >⸝⸝⸝< ꒱ྀིა #WAHAA SO SORRY ILL CORRECT THINGS LATER #i was too tired writing this i hope it’s alright atleast wahahaha i’m sorry :

[mastertengen]

My love, Mine all mine.

Megumi fushiguro x Fem! Reader

a/n: the readers personality will be based off of Mikasa Ackerman also manga spoilers + hardcore Eremika Treatment

"Y/n, Get up," Megumi shook your shoulders trying to wake you up "You'll catch a cold."

"Megumi.. Huh? When.. Did I fall asleep?" I murmur before letting out a yawn and opening my eyes to look at Megumi slightly

"You must've been really tired.."

"Feels like, I just had a long dream."

"Let's just rest today, We caught a big fish," Megumi said, His eyes examining your features "Y/n.. Why are you crying?"

"I'm not sure.. If I'm supposed to be here." I say, Wiping the tears away from my eyes

"Well, It's not like we can do anything about it, Since we abandoned the sorcerer life and ran away like this."

"Huh--"

"And it's been some time since Gojo's been sealed, Maki's most likely looking for us.. I couldn't make up my mind between the constant death of people I care about, Let's just.."

"Live the rest of our years peacefully, Just the two of us."

"This was what happened, And what we were supposed to discuss."

"Yeah," I look up at Megumi, Giving him a small smile, Before standing up and giving him a hug. "Sorry.. I promised to talk about this with you."

"Can you promise me one thing?"

"If something happens to me, Throw the scarf away, You'll live long after I'm gone.. And forget about me, Be free with those two." Megumi says, Pulling me into a embrace

"Please.. Y/n, Forget about me."

End of tragic memory fragment (whatever tf ts was) and the start of a new one

I grab the scarf and wrap it tight around my neck once more before standing up alongside Okkotsu

"Sorry, 'Gumi. I can't do that."

(yall mappa ate all these scenes I fucking cried when Mikasa cried)

also uhm I got lazy writing I just wanted to publish something so like maybe I'll come back and edit this (while its published)

#x reader #megumi fushiguro x reader #jjk x y/n #jjk megumi #megumi x y/n #megumi x reader #jujutsu kaisen megumi #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #jjk x you #x y/n #angst #light angst

[unrequitedloveletter]

Hi !! I’d love to request a Kaz x reader who is a librarian. They’re very academically smart but lack social skills and street smarts. They’re usually on the quieter side, preferring books to people because they make more sense but will gladly ramble about whatever new book they’re reading. Any gender & writing form is great, thank you very much :D - 👾

Kaz Brekker x gn! Librarian! Reader Headcanons

Okay, I went ahead and did it as headcanons because it makes the most sense to do it like that in my head, and yeah! This is the last request of the ones you've sent me and I just wanted to say thank you for sending so many in! I've had a blast writing these out and I hope you've had a blast reading them :)

Fic type- this is just straight up fluff!

Warnings- kaz might be a little ooc

okay, so! Let's do this!

You and Kaz likely meet at the local bookshop.

You were there because they had book binding services and you'd been mailed twelve copies of a certain book that had bound pages and just needed endpapers and decent hardcovers that'd last them a few years to boot.

The bookshop you end up in has the option to buy the books already bound or to buy the pages and either pay for the binding separately, should you not like the edition in stock, or bind them yourself.

Most books were still bound professionally in the bookshops themselves, the concept of selling books already bound in their hardcover spines and coverings still fairly new to Ketterdam.

Kaz was there because he'd read damn near everything in his office and he needed a couple of newer books to occupy his rarer moments of sleepless downtime.

You dropped off the editions that needed binding, paid the bookbinder upfront and knew it would be a minimum of five days before the books were done, so you chose to browse a bit. It'd been a long time since you'd bought a book for yourself as it were, so you let yourself look around in search of anything interesting.

Kaz assumed you were a staff member and asked you about a particular classic.

You told him you weren't one of the staff but went on about the book anyway, let it slip that you worked at the library at the heart of the Geldcanal, and that brought to an end your interactions as Kaz went to pay and you kept browsing until you found the latest novel by an author you liked and purchased it.

Surprise, surprise, a week later, Kaz Brekker graced your library doors

He came in to ask you about a book, and that began a weekly ritual, of sorts.

You were quiet, occasionally you seemed aloof or cold, but you were happy to discuss whatever book was occupying your time and your mind at that particular moment.

Kaz found that he needed a break from the hustle and bustle of the Barrel, and he ended up deciding to spend his time in your company

Plus, you lived and worked out of the Geldcanal, which was the same part of the financial district that Wylan and Jesper lived in, and that meant that Kaz got to see them more often, too.

It's hard to explain where your relationship with Kaz began, it just kind of...did, honestly.

Neither of you can pinpoint an exact start, but you know that somewhere along the line--likely when Kaz's trips began to include a cup of the tea you liked from the bakery that'd opened up on Fifth Harbor, or perhaps it was when you invested in a coffee machine that Kaz could use as he pleased--you began to mean more to each other than the other person could possibly comprehend.

Your intelligence is something that Kaz admires and on days wherein neither of you really feel like talking, you find comfort in the silences you share.

Generally, it's a very calm and very mundane existence, but its something that both of you love and wouldn't trade for the world.

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #six of crows #shadow and bone

[metanarrates]

i have a lot of mixed feelings regarding trans headcanons in orv, or in general in fandom spaces because of how often its taking transmisogynistic jokes and bending them to actually have a cool and awesome meaning instead of just reading fiction with transgender characters. how do you feel about this as an everyone in orv is transfem poster (not accusatory tone i am genuinely wondering your take on this)

I think it's complicated because i Do agree that most trans headcanons in fandom are rooted in transphobic ideas, especially when it comes to transfem characters. I actually personally wouldn't trust most people who headcanon characters as trans unless they're able to point out when something in the text is transmisogynistic. and orv does have transmisogynistic stuff in it. the whole joke with nirvana and the entire scene with the pink kids is based around transfems being predators and men in disguise. I really don't want to hang around other orv fans unless they're able to point that out. (also, i would Definitely not trust anyone who refers to those characters as trans icons or whatever.)

I'll also fully admit that I don't remember the revolutionary arc all that well. at the time when I first read it, I just simply assumed that jang hayoung was meant to be a trans woman, and any issues kim dokja had with recognizing her gender was interesting because of how it tied into the metafictional elements about how characters can change beyond a reader's perception. from my recollection, and from the readings of other people in my life who have read the novel, it seemed canon that she was intentionally transfem. similarly, I felt like the plot point of "yoo joonghyuk has a female alter ego" was taken pretty seriously, rather than being a meanspirited joke. if I'm not remembering that right, though, please let me know.

orv in general has a problem in depictions of lgbt people. there's the abovementioned transmisogyny with nirvana and the pink kids, and there's also the undeniable fact that "kim dokja and yoo joonghyuk are gay but haha Not Actually" is leaned on a little bit too much as a joke. I have a similarly complicated relationship to the idea of shipping them for that reason - I think their relationship is meaningful and rich, but I really dislike that the fandom seems to just take that joke as an uncritical BL trope, rather than discussing how it's sometimes a bit homophobic. again, I don't trust joongdok shippers who aren't able to discuss this.

at the same time, though, I do think that if you're aware of the problems in the text, it's possible to construct a lot of rich meaning out of applying queer lenses to the text. there's a lot to dig into regarding how the story depicts gender, for example, and how it depicts transcendence and self-actualization. you can't credit the authors here - like I said, their writing has several issues with lgbt people. but as long as you aren't advertising the story as Queer Fiction, I find that it's extremely valuable to discuss how a trans reading might cast an interesting light onto a character. and on a more personal level, I think having these sorts of open discussions about both the problems and merits of trans readings, as well as the issues present in a text, do tend to make a lot of trans people feel more welcome in fan spaces. both are necessary for making a story and space that may be hostile towards them feel more welcoming.

yes, I do agree that it would probably be better to read fiction with better trans characters. those stories are out there! this is also why I am wary to praise singshong for jang hayoung's character - I don't think orv exactly Deserves a reputation as a trans inclusive story, especially when there's a lot more of those that are much better at it out there.

but at the end of the day, there are going to be trans people who do like orv, all the same. I'm one of them, though I will say upfront that I am tme and therefore much less affected by the story's problems. my fiancee is transfem and she likes it. a lot of my mutuals who like orv are trans. I don't think it's such a bad thing that we've constructed these community readings in a work we already liked for its other merits. we're going to be here anyway. as long as we do our best to be respectful and point out problems as they arise, I think it's a good thing that we're having these sorts of discussions.

#narrates #orv #transphobia discussion #transmisogyny discussion #tldr; yeah this is a necessary discussion to have and its why I try to be careful about how i discuss this as well as who i associate with

[archiveikemen]

'Villain Wants To Bother The Little Robin' Story Event: Chapter 2

Jude Jazza & Ellis Twilight Route

This is a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes with no guaranteed perfection. I do not own any of the original content. Please support CYBIRD by buying their stories and playing their games. Reblogs appreciated.

❥･• Warnings and FAQ

Jude • Ellis: —!

(It’s coming this way!?)

The parrot flew towards the crown, attempting to grab it with its sharp talons.

(The veil will come off if the crown is taken — I have to stop it!)

I held the crown to my head and bent down.

When the parrot’s feet came closer—

My view was obstructed by a black coat.

(Huh…)

It didn't take me long to realise that it was Jude’s back in front of me.

I heard the sound of rustling feathers before the room fell silent.

(What on earth is going on…?)

Jude: …

In Jude’s hands was the parrot that had fallen limp, like it was asleep.

(Oh… Jude put it to sleep.)

Jude’s curse ability to make people fall asleep also worked on animals.

Abel: I am terribly sorry, Your Majesty! Is everything alright!?

Jude: Ellis.

Ellis: Got it.

Ellis leapt at the panicking ambassador and pinned him down, swiftly restraining him.

(— His physical ability never fails to amaze me, no matter how many times I see it.)

(The ambassador didn’t even notice when Ellis got behind him.)

Abel: L- Let go of me…!

Ellis: … Sorry, I can’t allow you to leave.

Ellis: I’ll listen to your side of the story… so stay still.

Ellis remained calm, as if he were guessing the menu for tomorrow’s breakfast.

The ministers present were astonished by his nonchalant attitude.

Jude: American Ambassador Abel.

Jude: Should your act of disturbance be determined to have been premeditated, you shall not be allowed to depart from this palace alive.

I couldn't help but feel surprised when I heard Jude speak in perfectly fluent Queen’s english.*

*And Niki does not know how to write in Queen’s english. Niki is not English, sadly.

(Just now, Jude…?)

I finally understood what Ellis meant when he said that Jude was capable of proper behaviour when in public.

Despite maintaining the air of danger surrounding him, his language and demeanour were refined.

Abel: That bird is usually very tame!

Abel: Although it gets excited when it smells a certain flower, I am certain that’s not the case this time!

Abel desperately tried to explain himself to Jude and I.

Ellis: The smell of flowers? … Are you talking about a sweet smell, like coconut?

Abel: Huh? That’s right… but why do you ask?

Ellis: … Nothing.

Abel: Whatever it is, I’m telling you the truth! Please believe me!

Jude: — If ever it is discovered that you may not be innocent, be prepared to send word to your home country, for we shall take action and execute your punishment immediately.

Abel: … I- I understand.

In response to the cold and stern warning, Abel nodded with a sincere look.

(That facial expression… and the way he showed genuine concern towards Her Majesty, they don’t seem to be just an act.)

(I wonder if someone like him is really plotting an assassination attempt…)

— The audience ended shortly afterwards, and it was time to move to the banquet.

Abel remained cheerful and unbothered throughout, further increasing my doubts.

However, when I was about to take my leave, a minister wearing glasses approached me and whispered into my ear.

Bespectacled Minister: Please be careful, Your Majesty.

Kate: …?

Bespectacled Minister: The better someone looks on the outside, the harder it is to tell what is truly on their mind.

(... I- Is that so?)

I inwardly cocked my head in puzzlement, and nodded in silence.

Jude • Ellis: …

…

The dinner table was lined with luxurious dishes.

While pouring wine, the ambassador conversed with the ministers at the table, discussing politics and trade.

(Thanks to the little bit of knowledge I tried to equip myself with beforehand, I can vaguely understand their conversations.)

(Because I have that knowledge, I feel less nervous to be sitting here… it turns out that my preparations were important after all.)

Jude was standing behind me like a bodyguard, while Ellis stood at the opposite end of the table and kept an eye on the whole room.

After the main course of the dinner, the alcohol started to kick in.

Abel: Speaking of which, does Your Majesty always keep the veil on while dining?

Kate: …!

My heart nearly popped out of my chest when Abel spoke directly to me all of a sudden.

(Victor taught me how to dine with the veil on.)

(That’s why I thought that Her Majesty regularly wears a veil… is that correct?)

I hesitated, and gave a late nod in response.

Jude: Her Majesty seldom dines in the presence of others.

Jude: Her Majesty has a bad throat today, she is therefore unable to speak.

Abel: Oh, I see! It is my greatest pleasure to be given the honour of being here during this very special occasion.

(As much as I’m grateful to him for helping me cover up, I’m worried about the consequences of being this indebted to Jude…)

I turned to look behind me, and my eyes met his amethyst eyes.

Jude: … 😏

His thin lips lifted into a smirk.

Abel: But why do you wear a veil? Is there something you want to hide?

Abel: Otherwise, wouldn't it be much easier to dine without the veil?

Jude: …

(Has this man figured out who I am…?)

My heart hammered uncomfortably against my chest at his extremely direct questioning — just then,

Ellis: Ah.

SMASH! The sound of pottery shattering echoed through the room.

Ellis: … I’m sorry. I leaned on it a little, and then it broke.

(Ellis…!?)

Ellis tone was no different from his usual, and he simply stared down at the large broken vase.

Plump Minister: T- That vase is highly cherished by Her Majesty…!

Ellis: I see. How much does it cost? :)

Plump Minister: A… a hundred pounds is no large sum… no, its monetary value is not what's important here…!

Ellis: Oh, really… sorry, Your Majesty.

(S-Sorry…?)

Our eyes met, and Ellis gave me a reassuring smile.

I nodded, while at the same time apologising profusely to Her Majesty in my heart.

(I think… I get why Jude said that Ellis is crazy.)

(Ellis is more than willing to use any means necessary to fulfil his purpose.)

Abel: Hahaha! Maintaining your composure although your precious vase was broken, you truly are magnanimous, Your Majesty!

Abel: Despite not being able to see your face behind the veil, I am still able to see Your Majesty's personality through your actions!

I wasn't very certain about it, but I felt that I had given the ambassador a good impression of myself as Her Majesty.

(If I rely entirely on the two of them, the amount of debt and damaged property will be too much to bear…)

(I must be capable of handling the situation well myself too—!)

My determination was useless.

A huge commotion was caused when a cat ran into the dining hall, and the tablecloth caught fire.

The way in which the dinner came to an end was far from peaceful.

…

(I’m exhausted…)

Kate: The plan is for me to sleep in Her Majesty’s bed chamber tonight… right?

Ellis: Mm-hmm, that’s the plan… are you worried? Do you need me to sleep with you?

Kate: T-Thank you for the offer, but that won't be necessary. I can sleep alone.

Jude: Lock the room door. Only people from the palace can open it from the outside.

Kate: Really? That’s a relief.

Jude • Ellis: …

Kate: I wonder if there really is an assassination plot…

Kate: Judging by his character, I find it hard to believe that Abel would plan such a thing.

Jude: … If criminals were that easy to read, then every single one of them in the world would've been imprisoned by now.

Jude: Wracking that tiny brain of yours is useless, just go to bed.

I shot Jude an annoyed glare when he knocked me on the head, but he already turned his back to me and walked away.

Ellis: Jude is right, you don't have to worry too much.

Ellis: … Good night, Kate. See you tomorrow.

Kate: Mm… thank you, Ellis. Good night.

(There's really no point in overthinking, I guess?)

(... I should go to sleep early, in preparation for tomorrow.)

After Kate went to bed…

Jude: Any changes?

Ellis: Two people entered and left the room. One of them was seen with the person who approached the crown.

Jude: Tch… we’re definitely going to work till late into the night. Damn it.

Ellis: Oh. I’m relieved that you’re coming with me.

Jude: Cut the crap and get moving.

Ellis: … I hope Kate is asleep.

Ellis: She’ll surely be frightened if she’s awake.

Jude: It'd be better to scare her a little. That way, she won't so recklessly accept such awful missions ever again.

Jude: She’s one troublesome princess.

#ikemen villains #ikemen series #cybird ikemen #cybird otome #otome #ikevil story event #jude jazza #ellis twilight

[lestappenforever]

im sorry i literally just read through all your prompt fics and i would kill for a 44 and 45 if you havent done it yet. love your work so much mwa mwa (its okay if ur not taking prompts)

My lovely anon! Thank you so much for this — my brain kind of spiralled and ran away from me with this, so you're getting 11. "Come to bed." and 13. "Hold me?" as well.

Also, I wrote this on my phone while being a passenger princess in the car on my way across the country, so please forgive any typos.

I love you! ❤️

---

44. "I do love you, you know. Even if I'm shit at showing it.", 45. "Don't say anything. Just... Just lay here with me.", 11. "Come to bed.", and 13. "Hold me?"

It's not an uncommon occurrence, Charles and Max having a disagreement. In fact, it has been the baseline of their rivalry, then their friendship, and now, their relationship. 

They have passionate discussions. Heated debates. They bicker and press each other's buttons. When one pulls, the other pushes, again and again and again. 

But, most of the time, it’s fun. Harmless. A disagreement that will pass within a few minutes once they've both had a chance to cool down.

It usually doesn’t turn into a full-blown fight. Not one that leaves Charles looking at Max like he doesn’t know him anymore before storming off into the bedroom and slamming the door shut behind him.

He doesn’t even remember how it started. Something minor, no doubt, but Max cannot for the life of him remember what. All he knows is that whatever they'd been talking about turned into a conversation about Ferrari and Charles' outright refusal to accept that maybe it’s not the right team for him when they still haven't been able to give him what he needs to win a championship after so many years. 

It's something Charles is passionate about, for obvious reasons. But Max is passionate about it too, because he knows what Charles is capable of. Knows that had he only just been in a different team — a team that listened and learned — then he'd already have a championship under his belt.

Because all Max wants in this world is to give Charles everything. But a championship is the one thing he can’t give him. And it’s infuriating, because nobody deserves a world championship more than Charles. 

So yeah, when Charles had told him that he still believed Ferrari could help him achieve his life-long dream, Max had snapped. 

Because when Max was this passionate about something, his passion could sometimes cross the line to anger. Not at Charles — never at Charles — but at the situation. At Charles deserving so much better than what he was getting. 

That, on the other hand, wasn’t always obvious to others.

He overstepped, he knew that much. But he also knew there was no point in trying to fix this now because that would be poking the bear. And right now, the bear needs to breathe. 

So Max lets him breathe, and he busies himself playing with Jimmy and Sassy. And when they get sick of him, he sits on the balcony and watches the city below. 

He watches the boats, the cars, the people, and has to use every bit of strength to resist the urge to go to Charles. 

Once two hours have passed and the Monégasque still hasn't emerged from the bedroom, Max can't take it any more.

Trudging back into the apartment, Max makes his way down the hallway to the bedroom. He lingers outside the closed door, hesitating. Two hours should be enough time, but it’s never a sure thing with Charles. Sometimes, two hours isn’t even close to being enough.

As he opens the door, Max hopes to God it's enough this time.

Charles is lying on the bed on his back, staring at the ceiling. But he'd left the door unlocked, which Max will take as a good sign.

(He won’t entertain the possibility that Charles simply may have forgotten.)

"I'm sorry," Max says as he sits on the edge of the bed next to Charles.

The Monégasque doesn’t look at him. Doesn’t answer. Just keeps staring at the ceiling.

Should have waited another hour, Max thinks to himself.

Well. Too late now.

"I didn't mean anything I said the way it probably sounded. I just — I think you deserve so much more. I'm sorry I didn't manage to articulate that."

Charles still doesn’t look at him or speak. But the tightness of his jaw eases slightly.

Max will fucking take that and run with it.

"I do love you, you know. Even if I'm shit at showing it," he goes on, reaching out tentatively to brush his fingers over Charles' thigh through the duvet.

He sees the Monégasque struggle with his resolve. Can tell Charles wants to hold on to his anger, just for a little while longer. 

"You're only shit at showing it sometimes," Charles tells him with a sigh, before finally looking at Max. His eyes look puffy and tired, but still stunning. "Come to bed?"

It’s not forgiveness. Not yet. But it’s a start. 

Max wastes no time, stripping out of his shirt and pants and climbing into bed next to Charles. He's about to keep apologizing — plead with Charles to forgive him, but the Ferrari driver beats him to the punch.

"Don't say anything, just — just lay here with me."

It's a simple request. One that Max is eager to comply with. 

Hell, he'd launch himself off the fucking balcony with the biggest smile on his face if Charles had asked him to in that voice.

So they lay there next to each other. Not touching. Not speaking. Just existing in the same space. Breathing the same air. It's enough.

Until it isn’t. 

Charles turns onto his side, facing Max, and looks up at him through his eyelashes. It’s a look that turns Max's very soul into a puddle.

"Hold me?"

"Always," Max's response is immediate as he shifts closer and pulls Charles against his chest, wrapping both arms around the other man and holding him as if his very life depends on it.

Charles sighs — a soft, pleased sound — as he nuzzles against Max, tucking his face against Max's neck and inhaling deeply. Letting the familiar scent of Max, of home, wash over him. Letting it soothe his soul.

Max lets it soothe his, too.

They don’t speak for the rest of the evening, but they don’t need to. Because as Charles holds on to Max and falls asleep in his arms, Max knows they'll be alright. 

They always are, in the end.

#Lestappen prompts #Lestappen fic #My writing #Asks #Ask prompts #Anon #Anon asks #Lestappen #Lestappen drabble

[sarahpaulsonsoftie]

Easily broken

Professor!Agatha Harkness X student!reader- Easily Broken

Hi guys, this fic is heavily inspired by @zafirosreverie ‘s fic ‘must be the eyes’ so I recommend you guys give that a read. this fic was written months ago but i never had the courage to post it. I suppose its been long enough that i don't feel embarrassment over it now, so you guys can have it now

Description- You and Agatha had a strange relationship, at first she had tried to push you away as a way of protecting herself but very soon into… whatever you had going on she realized that you had already pushed her too far away for her to even try.

A trip for college leads you back to your hometown, Salem, in which, Agatha learns why you have shut her out so much.

-

You and Agatha had a strange relationship, firstly, you were her student, and secondly, Agatha had never encountered someone so like herself. The way you pushed her away reminded her so much of her when she was young and fragile, healing from wounds that others had placed upon her. But she couldn’t read you like she could other people. You were so well guarded, and she had realized as much after you both had sex for the first time. Usually, someone would have waited and pondered aloud what had happened, but you didn’t. You had just left, placing on your jeans (you had refused to take your top off), without a promise of another time and yet, Agatha wanted more. She wanted to know you and understand you.

You had liked Agatha, perhaps more than anyone you’d ever been intimate with, but you never allowed yourself to let your guard down, you acted as if all she was providing was a release. You never asked for anything in return and never stayed long after the act, even though you so wanted to. But questions would begin to form if you did, so you never stayed the night.

It was a Tuesday morning, and you were sat in the back row of Agatha’s classroom. It was a small class, only 17 students, you supposed that a History degree wasn’t the ‘in’ thing anymore. It was then that she notified you that one of you would be picked to visit Salem to relish in its history. You had a tight-lipped smile at that, and Agatha looked at you. Of course, you knew the history of Salem, you had grown up there after all. You also knew of your own history there, and it was what made you who you were.

“Now I have already picked out who I will be taking with me to Salem, and I have decided that it will be Y/N.” You looked up at Agatha who smiled lightly at you, you merely nodded in appreciation. “Y/N has worked the hardest this year, and from what I have seen, she will be the one who will take in the beauty of Salem and appreciate its history.”

Your classmates smiled and congratulated you and you now looked at Agatha who wore a grin on her face.

“Thank you, Professor.” You smiled, and Agatha grinned, moving towards your seat and stopped when she was in front of your desk.

“We’ll be leaving on Thursday and will be back Friday next week, so please pack accordingly.” Agatha smiled at you once again and began moving towards the front of the class again. “Any other details will be discussed after class, Y/N, so please come and see me.”

You nodded you head, smiling at her again before looking back to your notes.

-

That night you had ended back at Agatha’s and minutes after you both had finished, you were already getting ready to leave. Just as you finished placing your shoes on, Agatha hand reached out and pulled you back onto the bed, placing a kiss to your lips.

“Will you stay tonight?” She had asked, you lifted your hands to her face and looked into her eye.

“I can’t Agatha, not tonight.” You responded, as you began to lean back up. Agatha let you, watching as you rubbed your eyes lightly, and frowned.

“What’s wrong, Y/N? Are you not excited to see Salem with me?” She had asked and you looked back to her a frown of your own forming.

“Its not...” You trailed off, your eyes growing distant, an ache grew in your heart and you moved your gaze back to Agatha. “Of course, I am. I just have some history there, but yeah, other than that I am.”

Agatha grabbed your hand, watching you as you brought your other hand to your lap to fiddle with the button on your jeans.

“I had no idea you’ve been to Salem before, I just thought it would have been a fun trip. I’m sorry if I overstepped. I can offer to take someone else, Kyle was next on my list actually.” Agatha rambled and you smiled lightly.

“Why did you choose me then? Can’t get enough of me?” You teased her and you watched as a blush formed on her face. Butterflies were sent to your stomach which you ignored. You were not going to allow yourself to be hurt again. Agatha was just a friend.

“No, no. I just thought maybe you couldn’t get enough of me. Seeing as you’re here almost every night. But don’t you worry my dear, I’ll always take good care of you.” Agatha smiled and you frowned moving to stand. Agatha was getting too comfortable, and it scared you. She didn’t deserve to be hurt by you and you didn’t want to be hurt by her.

“I need to head out, you know, to pack and stuff and I’m gonna be busy tomorrow, just cause I wanna get ahead with my other classes before we leave but I’ll see you Thursday morning, okay?” You didn’t wait for a response before you showed yourself to the door and watched Agatha’s face drop.

-

Thursday morning had rolled around and you waited outside the university at 5:00am. Agatha had told you that you both needed to leave early to sort out the hotel and then maybe you’d be able to nap there.

You bit your nails nervously and began to regret deciding to come, wondering if it was too late to turn around and leave. Before you could get too deep into thought, Agatha’s car had pulled up and she waved at you through the window. You smiled lightly and moved the back door to put your stuff in and then got into the passenger side.

“Hello.” You said, quietly, with a tired voice. Agatha looked at you with a small smile and turned to look around, making sure no one was near before pulling you in for a kiss. You didn’t respond but you felt your cheeks heat up lightly.

“Hello, beautiful. I missed you yesterday.” Agatha stated, moving her hand away from the wheel to turn and look at you. She looked at your face with a small smile forming “Ah, I see from your blush that must have missed me to.”

You ignored her and bit your lip before turning to look out of the window. Agatha moved her hand to the cup holder and pulled out a coffee cup and handed it to you. You saw the reflection in the window and turned to accept it, as a small smile appeared on your face.

“I’ll say anything just as long as I get to keep this.” You joked and Agatha rolled her eyes before beginning to drive.

“I think we need to talk.” Agatha stated and you took a sip of the coffee in your hand, you raised an eyebrow at her and she glanced at you quickly before returning her eyes to the road. “If you feel pressured to do anything, just because I’m your professor, I just want to let you know that we can end it right now and I won’t hold any negative feelings towards you.”

You sighed after hearing her words. “It’s not like that, Agatha.” Was your defeated response and Agatha glanced at you.

“Then what is it? Because you don’t ever stay, you don’t ever kiss me back, you never make the first move, and you never take your top off in bed. Why?” Agatha asked. You bit your lip. This was not how you wanted to start your trip.

“I wouldn’t do anything I wouldn’t want to, even if you are my professor.” You replied, hiding your face behind the cup. “Besides, I shouldn’t need to do any of that stuff. It’s not like we’re dating. We’re just having fun, right?” As soon as the words left your mouth, Agatha’s demeanor had changed.

“I guess it would just be nice if you actually showed some interest instead of leaving me chasing you!” Agatha exclaimed before taking a breath to calm herself. “I can tell that something has happened to you, Y/N. I know that. I just, I want you to know that I’m here for you. Not just as a Fuck buddy, or your professor but as your friend.”

Her sincerity was too much and you straightened your shoulders, eyeing her before responding. “You have no clue what has happened to me. And you have no right to speculate.” Was the words that had left your mouth.

Agatha didn’t respond and instead, you both ignored each other for the rest of the journey.

-

When you pulled up to the motel, you sighed relief. You would recognize this place anywhere. It was what carol owned and Carol was always one of the nicest women you had ever met. After what had happened, she took you under her wing and guided you like a mother would have.

You stepped out of the car as Agatha muttered about having to call the university to let them know you were here. It was currently 11:00am and you walked into the building looking at the reception. You saw a lady you didn’t recognize and she smiled at you.

“Hey, I’m Y/N. I’m here with Agatha Harkness.” You smiled and the lady nodded, typing into the computer.

“Ahh, I see, yes well, you’ll both be sharing a twin room, 332. Would you like me to show you the way?” The lady asked and you shook you head.

“No, no. That’s okay, thank you. I’ve been her before. Is Carol around?” You asked, shuffling your feet, turning to face the window, and watched Agatha on the phone.

“Carol? Yes, she’s out back. I’ll let her know you’re looking for her.” The lady said and you thanked her quickly, watching as she disappeared out back. Agatha stepped into reception and took a step towards you.

“All is good with the university; did you check us in?” Agatha asked and you nodded.

“Yeah room 332, It’s a twin room.” You stated, not meeting her eyes and you returned your gaze to the reception door where you saw the lady and carol stepping out. Carol opened her arms as she approached you.

“Is that my darling little Y/N?” She asked and you laughed and pulled her in for a hug. Carols hands went to your hair and she began to stroke it lightly. “How are you, sweetheart? I’ve missed you.”

Your eyes met Agatha’s, and her face displayed jealousy before you pulled back from Carol.

“I’m okay, I missed you too. How is everything?” You asked, and Carol smiled, moving to look at Agatha and before sending you a questioning glance. “This is Professor Agatha Harkness, she’s my history lecturer. She took me on a trip down here to appreciate the history of Salem.” Was your answer.

Carol shot you a look but smiled at Agatha and shook her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Agatha. I’m Carol, I’m sure Y/N mentioned me on the way down here.”

Agatha glanced to you with wide eyes before returning her gaze to Carol. “It’s nice to meet you Carol. Y/N didn’t mention anything about you. I hardly know anything about her.” Agatha’s eyes grew sad and Carol began to scold you.

“What? You haven’t told your professor about me? The only reason you’d never tell anyone about me is if—” Carol cut herself off before glancing at you and Agatha next to each other. ‘--You had fallen in love with her’ was the words you knew Carol would have spoken.

“I know, I’m sorry, I just didn’t wanna stress her, you know? You know how protective you can be.” You responded, an apologetic look on your face. Agatha moved closer to you, so your hands were almost touching.

“You’re not a very good liar, my darling girl. However, I’ll let you off for now as I know its been a busy journey.” Carol stated and you gave her a kiss to her cheek before you led Agatha to the room you would be staying in.

-

As soon as you opened the door, Agatha pulled you in and had pinned you against the wall, looking into your eyes. Your breath grew short in panic as you tried to maneuver out but Agatha didn’t let you.

Her voice was low when she spoke. “Please, please, please, tell me that you and Carol are just good friends and you haven’t been cheating on her with me.”

You looked at her wide eyed and once again tried to move but Agatha had now gripped your wrists tightly.

“Get off of me, Agatha.” You demanded and Agatha glared at you, her hands gripped you tighter. You wasn’t thinking so you pulled your arms away quickly and with force and pushed her back. Agatha wobbled slightly but gained her balance again. “You really think that of me?!” You demanded.

Agatha took a step closer, anger showing on her face. “I don’t know anything about you! Nothing! None of your classmates do, no other professors do! The only thing I know about you is that you’re taking a history degree, you’re 21 and you have ‘history’ in salem!” Agatha was now shouting, and your anger grew too.

“Carol is like a mother to me, Agatha! She let me stay in one of her rooms, free of charge, when I had nowhere else to go!” You were shouting too and you moved to the beds and Agatha followed you.

“I don’t believe you.” Agatha had muttered, and you turned to face her, a look of sadness crossing it as you realized that you had pushed her away too far. Agatha watched you and began to speak again. “I have given you every opportunity to open up, Y/N. I just want you to trust me, I’m not going to leave. But I will leave if you carry on like this.”

“Yeah, but you’d pin me against a wall. You can fucking leave Agatha. I have so much fucking history here it makes my brain hurt. I only know Carol because I ran after my dad—” You cut yourself off and shook your head before moving to leave the room. Agatha gripped your hand and your pulled away.

“Y/N, please. I’m sorry.” Agatha pleaded and you left the room, not turning to look at her.

-

You woke the next morning, after a broken night’s sleep. Agatha was still asleep, and you moved toy check the time on your phone. 5:07am. You knew Carol would be awake by now, sorting out reservations for the motel and the breakfast.

You got up slowly, careful not to wake Agatha and your eyes watched her thrash about before calming. You quietly exited the room before wandering down to the kitchen, hearing the pots and pans moving.

You walked in slowly, as you looked to Carol, who was alone, preparing breakfast for guests and you smiled.

You cleared your throat and Carols eyes moved to meet yours. She smiled a welcoming smile before beckoning you forward.

“Couldn’t sleep?” It was phrased as a question, but Carol had known you long enough to know your struggles with sleep. You nodded lightly, moving next to her and began to help her portion out each meal. “Ever since I’ve known you, Y/N, you have always struggled to let people in. I’m not saying I don’t understand because I understand more than most what you have been through. But Agatha? This ‘professor’ of yours knows nothing about you and I don’t think its fair to her if you shut her out.”

Carol’s lecture led you to look her in the eyes, a feeling of guilt following soon after.

“She’d leave. Wouldn’t look back.” You murmured, turning away from her. Carol stopped what she was doing and turned to face you fully, her hand reaching to your cheek. Your own eyes were beginning to form tears which you unsuccessfully tried to blink away.

Carol smiled sadly, her hand still upon your cheek. “What your dad and Terry did to you wasn’t your fault. She cares about you, Y/N. More than you want to realize.”

You stepped away slightly, bringing a hand in front of your eyes and sucking in a breath. “But.. I don’t know Carol. You knew me back then. The way I was. It wasn’t completely undeserved. I was such a bad kid, you know? And I’m scared that once I tell Agatha about all of it, that she’ll think I deserved it too.” You murmured, trying to hold in your own tears.

Carol tried to reach out towards you again, but you moved away, not wanting to be touched. You moved your hand from your face, and Carol’s expression was one of sadness.

“I met you when you were 14, Y/N. 14. You were so kind to me and were always willing help, even though you never accepted help yourself. You were not a bad kid. You were a scared child. You were a child, and you did not deserve any of it. Agatha would never believe you deserved it. No reasonable adult would ever believe you deserved it. You only feel this way because it was you. But let me tell you, Y/N. If anyone ever told you about something they experienced that was in anyway like what you went through, you would not blame them. You would do anything in your power to help them.” Carol now moved closer and one of her hands rested on your shoulder, the other hand wiping away tears you didn’t realize were forming. “You are too hard on yourself, my love. I wish I was the one who raised you.”

A clearing of someone’s throat caused you both looked towards the entrance of the door and you, and Carol saw Agatha standing there, with a pained expression on her face. You pulled away from Carol and wiped your throat, taking a step closer to Agatha.

“Morning. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt; you weren’t in our room, so I came to look for you.” Agatha stated and you nodded slowly, looking towards Carol, who continued preparing breakfast. Carol nodded to you.

“I think you two should talk, breakfast won’t be ready until 8:00am so take some time to talk.” Carol stated, smiling encouragingly at you.

You nodded and grabbed Agatha’s hand and leading her out of the kitchen and towards your room.

-

You and Agatha didn’t say anything to each other when you were leading her back to your room and once you opened the door, you gently let go of her hand and walked in. Agatha followed behind and closed the door behind her.

You sat down on your bed and slightly beckoned her forward, patting the spot next to you. Once Agatha was beside you, you took a moment to look her in the eyes seeing sadness filling them and you knew your own eyes were brimming with tears.

“I uh- I think we need to talk.” You muttered, voice slightly shaky. Agatha didn’t say anything but nodded before placing her hand on yours, her eyes remaining on yours. “I-I-“ You sighed out a breath and Agatha’s thumb stroked your hand. She didn’t say anything, in fear or scaring you off, so she remained silent, patiently waiting for you to talk. You breathed in a long breath and moved your eyes to the wall, before closing them. This was difficult for you, just as Carol knew it was.

“Agatha, I do care about you. I do. And it scares me. For a long time, I was on my own, dealing with stuff on my own. Even when I was a kid. I couldn’t go to my dad for stuff, and my mum left when I was young, so I had no other option to deal with it on my own.” Your voice was low, and Agatha heard the pain of what you were saying. You felt her hand raise to your cheek, just they way that Carol had done earlier. But it didn’t feel as comfortable when Carol did it.

Carols touch was secure because she knew you trusted her. Agatha’s touch was hesitant. Like the way you would touch a wounded animal, scared they would run before you could help.

You opened your eyes, moving them to look to Agatha. She was biting her lip, watching at your tears fell. You could sense her inner battle and you wished you were strong enough to comfort her. But instead, you continued to talk. You weren’t sure how else to make her understand.

“I was 14 when I met Carol. She caught me shoplifting while she was doing her shopping. She didn’t turn me in, didn’t make a big deal. She bought me what I was trying to steal and told me to follow her to her motel, here. I was 14 and I didn’t have anything to lose, so I followed her. She took me into her office and patched me up with a first aid kit and then let me stay here for the night. My dad didn’t care that I didn’t come home, he just went about his life.”  You continued. You watched Agatha.

“Where is your dad now?” Agatha asked, and you closed your eyes lightly, pulling back from her ever so slightly. But Agatha kept her hand on your cheek, even though she was hesitant.

“He overdosed when I was 15. I came home and he was stone cold, foaming at the mouth. I ran here to Carol. She called the ambulance. She sorted this all out for me and when it came time for me to live somewhere, Carol fought so hard for me to stay here but the police refused and moved me to a foster carer. Terry. He wasn’t any better than my dad.”

Agatha pulled you into her embrace and you felt her own tears spilling down your back, her hands ran up and down your back and you tensed, not liking the feeling. You lightly pulled away, and Agatha looked at you, concerned.

“Y/N?” She asked questioningly and before you could tell yourself to get up and leave, you placed a kiss on her lips, the first time you had ever kissed her first.

When you both pulled away, you kissed Agatha’s hand before standing. “I- Uh, I’m going to go smoke, I’ll meet you for breakfast in 10?” You asked and Agatha smiled slightly nodding.

-

The days had gone by so quick, and it was now your fifth day in Salem. You and Agatha had gone to visit multiple landmarks and although things were more open than before, Agatha could tell something was amiss. You still refused to take of your shirt when you were being intimate with each other, and Agatha had assumed that it was due to an insecurity you refused to tell her about. However, she knew not to push because the times she had before, you had ultimately shut her out from that topic. Agatha had decided to open to you about how her mother had disowned from her family when she was 18 and you had hugged her that night, stroking her hair and whispering words of comfort in her ear.

The night had fallen, and you and Agatha had decided to go to a bar that was a 5-minute walk away from the motel. You knew of this place well; you had visited it a lot when you were staying with Carol.

When you had entered, Agatha had decided to find a table while you went to order your drinks. As you approached the bar, A young bar woman smiled at you, and you recognized her as Stacy, a girl who was just a few years older than you.

Stacy had worked at this bar for 5 years and she used to always serve you, even though you didn’t look 21 and even though you never used to have ID.

As you stepped closer, Stacy stepped out from behind the bar and pulled you into a hug.

“Y/N! It’s been so long.” She grinned and you smiled in return, grateful for all the times that she had served you. You let go and threw a quick glance to Agatha who was eyeing you both, you smiled at her lightly but Agatha had a light scowl on her face. You turned away, now focusing on Stacy.

“Hi, Stacy! How are you?” You asked and Stacy grinned before stepping back behind the bar.

“I’ve been good, Y/N. Better now I’ve seen you. Let me guess? A vodka and coke?” Stacy asked and you laughed, remembering the number of times you had drunk that combination. Stacy laughed along with you, before moving towards the selection of drinks.

“Nah, I think I’ve slightly matured beyond that. Could I get two glasses of the house red please?” You asked and Stacy’s eyes sparkled mischievously before playfully pushing your arm.

“Oh my god! You have matured!” She exclaimed loudly and you threw a quick glance to Agatha, who did not look happy in the slightest. Stacy’s eyes followed your and she smiled. “Is that your girlfriend?”

“Oh er, we haven’t labelled anything yet, but I guess she is yeah.” You smiled, Stacy grabbed two wine glasses and filled them up while glancing up and smiling at you.

“I’m so happy for you, Y/N. You deserve someone who makes you happy.” Stacy said while handing you your glasses and you grinned.

“Thank you.” You smiled, before walking to the table that Agatha was now sat.

Agatha’s expression was one of annoyance as you placed the glass down in front of her, and you moved to sit beside her.

“Who was that?” Agatha questioned before you had the chance to speak, and you raised an eyebrow to her.

“Stacy, she’s a friend. She knows me from way back.” You stated, taking a sip of your wine. Agatha scoffed in disbelief, shaking her head.

“A friend? She seems a lot closer than a friend.” Agatha’s tone was accusatory, and you raised your eyebrows, moving your hands to you lap and fidgeting.

“Can we please not do this now?” You pleaded, remembering the last time that Agatha had gotten jealous. Agatha scoffed and shook her head once again before taking a gulp of her wine. You remained quiet, watching her anger grow, unsure of what to do because you were in public.

“You know what really gets me, Y/N?” Agatha seethed, and you did not dare respond. “No? Well, I’ll tell you. It’s watching you so willingly giving away the affection that I had to earn. I mean, I can understand with Carol. She was there for you during your worst times but thus girl? Who you’ve never even mentioned? What’s your excuse here?” Agatha demanded and you closed your eyes and shook your head lightly.

“Agatha…” You pled. You opened your eyes again and Agatha took another gulp of her wine, throwing a glance to Stacy, who smiled at you both cluelessly.

“Tell me something, Y/N.” Agatha started, her expression now pure anger and jealousy. It was not a something you liked to see, and it pained you so much that Agatha still did not trust you. You knew that this was only going to escalate but before you had time to say anything else, Agatha spoke again. “When you fuck her, do you take your shirt off for her? Do you let her see you in ways I don’t?”

Your eyes widened and you realized that Agatha had gone to far, you tried to move to stand but Agatha grabbed your hand and held it to the table. To anyone else, it would look romantic, except to the two of you.

“Agatha. Stop. This is enough.” You protested and her eyes met yours, seeing the tears beginning to form.

But Agatha was too jealous to see sense. To angry to stop. And so, she continued to poke.

“What? I am asking a question, Y/N. Are you really that disgusted by me that you refuse to let me see all of you or is it that you’re disgusted by yourself?” Agatha demanded and you shook your head, you didn’t see this leading to anything other than a full blown fight. So instead of giving in, you decided to push her away in a way you had never done before.

“I think we should stop seeing each other.” You Sniffed. Agatha’s face froze and you got up, leaving before she could say anything else.

You jogged back to the motel before Agatha even had the chance to follow you and as soon as you entered, you saw Carol at reception and tears were freely falling as you approached her.

“Y/N?” She asked and took you into her arms. You sobbed lightly before pulling back to look at her.

“I need another room please Carol. We fought and she said some things and—I just can’t.” You cried and Carol hugged you, shushing.

“That’s okay my darling. I always have a room for you.” Carol soothed.

-

The trip had ended early. As soon as Agatha had gotten back to the motel and realized you had switched rooms, she didn’t think there was any use in trying to convince you or to apologize. So she had found Carol, asked her to tell you that you would both be leaving the next day and that was it.

Agatha didn’t attempt to speak to you on the drive back. She had regretted what she had said but she didn’t understand. She didn’t understand. No matter how much she wanted to, she didn’t understand.

Agatha cared for you so much and yet she managed to push you away just as you were finally beginning to open up. She knew that it would be a regret she would carry for a very long time.

When you both came back early, her colleagues had asked why and Agatha had just stated that you had visited everywhere on a tight schedule and didn’t feel the need to stay any longer.

Agatha watched you in her class, she saw your tired eyes and sad expressions. She even heard of her colleague’s concern for you. Her guilt was immeasurable, and she had never felt anything like it.

You had both been back two weeks before she had received a message from an unknown number.

‘Hi Agatha,

It’s Carol. We met in Salem. I got your number from your reservation, and I thought I would try to explain what has happened, because I know Y/N is too hurt to.

I’m not very sure how much Y/N explained of her childhood and even I don’t know the full story. But Y/N’s mother left when she was very young, and her father was a drug addict who would beat her compulsively. She has lots of scars on her back. I’m quite sure you would have noticed how she doesn’t take off her shirt. When her father died, Y/N went into a foster placement and the person who was supposed to look after her did the same thing as her father.

I tried so hard to protect her and it took me years to get her to trust me.

I would appreciate it if you didn’t mention I reached out, but I just thought you ought to know some of the story.

Kindest Regards, Carol.”

Agatha cried when she had read it. It made so much sense. The way you always tried to avoid conflict when she was intentionally seeking it out, and it also explained the way you looked at her so scared she when she pinned you against the wall.

Agatha still decided to keep her distance from you, deciding that you would be better off without her hurting you.

-

Four weeks had now gone by since you and Agatha had come back, and you missed her in ways you had never missed anyone. It was different to the way you missed Carol and you felt a need to explain everything to her.

Although her words had hurt you so much, you felt you were also partly to blame for what had happened.

That is why you found yourself, right now, with tears in your eyes, on Agatha’s doorstep. You knew it was late but you didn’t want to talk yourself out of it again. You needed her and you hoped so much that she still wanted you.

You rang the doorbell before you could hesitate any longer. You felt your heart pounding in your chest, both from the nervousness for the situation and the hope you had for this working out.

After a few moments, the door opened, and Agatha stood in front of you, she was in her pajamas, and she looked like she had been crying. You sucked in a breath and Agatha stilled in shock.

“Y/N.” She breathed, and you stepped closer to her. “Come in, darling. Come in.” She beckoned you in and Agatha was acting in a way you had never seen her act. She seemed worried, scared even. Agatha led you to her living room and you both sat opposite each other in and awkward silence before you spoke.

“I- I’m sorry for coming so late-“You began before Agatha had cut you off with an urgency you had never heard from her

“You’re always welcome. Always.” Were her words before she almost forced herself to calm. “I’m sorry. You can carry on, Y/N. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

You cleared your throat before speaking. “I needed to see you, I needed to speak to you. I didn’t want to back out this time.” You spoke and just like the first time you had opened up to her, Agatha remained patient and listened to your every word. But this time, her hand was not resting on yours.

So instead of waiting, you moved you hand to hers and brought it into your lap before speaking again. “Agatha, I have- “Your voice broke, and Agatha moved her other hand to your cheek, just like before. You cleared your throat again and looked her in the eyes. You wanted her to see you, fully.

“I have pushed so many people away in my life because I was scared. But- I don’t want to lose you. I’m sorry I pushed you, I’m sorry I wasn’t honest. But I didn’t want you to see me as broken and for you to decide you didn’t want me.” You were crying, your eyes spilling with tears. Agatha wiped some away before pulling you into her embrace.

“Y/N, I am so sorry for treating you the way I treated you. You did not deserve it. I swear to you, I will never ever hurt you again. I love you, Y/N.” Agatha stated sincerely and you pulled away from her, raising your own hand to her cheek and wiping the tears if hers that had begun to fall.

“I love you too Agatha. I swear to you, I will always try to be open with you.” You smiled lightly at her before pulling her into a kiss.

You both melted into eachother and now finally felt at ease. Once you both finally pulled away, Agatha smiled at you and you smiled at her before resting your forehead against hers.

Right now, you didn’t feel so breakable while you were in her embrace.

Fin.

#agatha harkness x reader #agatha harkness imagine #agatha harkness #x reader #i have issues #cry myself to sleep

[sillybayo]

Viewing Revolutionary Girl Utena from an Aspec (mainly asexual) Lens

Some notes before I begin;

-This ramble/essay/whatever contains discussions of CSA and objectification (specifically towards a brown little girl, which contains racist implications). I mean, its quite obvious considering the show I'm talking about, but I still think this is an important warning. Also, please remember that the majority of the characters in utena are 13-17. While I don't mind a deeper discussion into their sexualities, desires, events, etc. etc., you need to remember that they're still children, and such topics need immense maturity. Please don't leave comments that sexualize the characters. It will leave me heavily disgusted.

-This is written under the assumption that Adolescence of Utena is an alternative universe, rather than a direct continuation from the show. This means that I don't think the characters in the movie remember each other nor the events from the show, and have a complete fresh start in all of their relationships.

-I'm not saying that these are the only possible interpretations or meanings, thats far from the truth. Its more so, "This event is because of this, but I also think its because of this on top of that." I just want to share my headcanons, as I think they make sense and want to give others a different perspective.

-I've only finished the show during the spring of last year, and I'm in the middle of a rewatch (somewhere in the black rose arc). I apologize if I misremember things, forgot something, or state something that lacks clarity.

-I'm perfectly aware that asexuality is lack of sexual attraction, and doesn't exactly mean that you don't enjoy sex. However, I'm using asexual (and other identities I mention here) as a general term containing both preferences. Absolutely no shame towards my acespec sex lovers, y'all rule the earth >:3!

-This is purely a thought dump, so I apologize if topics tend to bounce around, not make any sense, and/or the lack of proper episode references (like saying "when Utena and Anthy did a silly goofy dance", instead of "on episode 17, so and so"). This is really just for fun :3! I wanna put my ideas out there and want to talk about them with more people.

Now with that out of the way, I want to share why I think Utena and Anthy are acespec bambi lesbians. Lets get started ^o^!!

I'll start with Anthy. Throughout the entire franchise, she has been seen as an sexual object. In the show, this is less obvious until we're further introduced to Akio, since when people own her, shes seen as a key to revolutionizing the world, and going up to the castle illusion above. The farthest we see more romantic or intimate scenarios with Anthy and the duelists (other than Utena, of course), is her and Saionji exchanging diaries, and Mikis crush with misogynistic seasonings throughout.

Back to the topic of Akio though, he has been forcing her into sex for who knows how long, to the point where its her duty. She has only been an object to anyone and everyone she meets. Someone to project desires onto. Even Utena has accidentally done this (though it was far more tame, as she simply said Anthy wants more friends, when she, too, is lonely herself).

In the movie, this becomes much more clear. The way Saionji rubs her face, the way Touga talks about her, how Utena asks "Is this what the rose bride does?". The things she does for Akio has expanded to duelists. Once again, it has become her duty.

This is further proven when Utena and Anthy lay in bed after the first duel. She touches her, even without prior consent. Ever since I first saw this, I didn't think it was a sign of attraction, but rather, that Anthy just assumed that was what Utena wanted. This isn't the only thing that Anthy does without asking or talking it out first. She enters Utenas dorm room, she looks through her clothes. She now belongs to Utena, so she must prepare for her usual task.

So then, what if, with all of this in mind, that Anthy doesn't like sex at all? This follows the similar concept of her being a lesbian, since shes only forced to be with men, and has shown no genuine interest nor happiness towards any of them (well, not concept, as she is a canon lesbian, but you get the point).

Theres also a scene in the show where she implies that she didn't enjoy intercourse with Akio, in which he replies "Why must you torture me?" (once again, I apologize if I remembered this wrong). Theres obvious reasonings for this. One, hes her adult brother, two, shes a lesbian, and three, this is rape. But considering what I stated above, Anthy possibly being asexual is another reason.

Meanwhile, instead of being forced into romance and sex with other duelists, with Utena, theres always this more calm and comfortable air. Of course its because Utena actually cares about Anthy, and duels for friendship and love alone. But neither of them suggests sexual intent towards one another. Theres this emphasis on pure romance and patience, compared to other intimate relationships in the show and movie (keep emphasis and comparisons in mind!)

Although, Anthy could also easily be seen as demisexual, as she always chooses Utena in the end. Personally, I view the ending of the movie as nonsexual, as the removal of clothes being more about breaking out of their roles in the story, and the kissing being them finally being comfortable with their love for one another. Once again, thats just how I view it though. But Anthy growing a trustful bond with Utena is something a lot of demiaces can relate to. She can even be demiaro! Thats another wonderful read into her arc. Generally, I personally don't think Anthy is allo, and watching the franchise with amatonormativity and allonormativity in mind just doesn't feel exactly right, y'know?

Moving onto Utena, I'll be talking more about particular emphases, and how Utena acts towards sex compared to other characters in the show. Showing how one character stands out compared to all of the others, even subtly, is a writing tool often used in queer storytelling. For example, how all of the girls in monster high are boy crazy, except for Clawdeen.

Whenever Utena is put into a situation that implies sexual intimacy, shes shown to be uncomfortable. Like when she bdoyswapped with Anthy, and Saionji pulled her aside and removed a part of his clothing (only to reveal a diary though, thank goodness). When Touga constantly played with her hair or got really close to her. When Akio made continuous advances towards her, trapping her in a kiss, and eventually raping her. All of them show her either being terribly displeased, or groomed.

But she enjoys the idea of sex with girls, right? No, it doesn't seem like it. In the movie, when Anthy touches her, she immediately backs away and is clearly distressed. When she has to pose nude for a painting, she hesitates and clearly doesn't want to reveal herself, even though the task is nonsexual in nature. You could turn to the ending of the movie and say that shes interested, but I've already gave my personal thoughts on that.

Characters like Shiori, Kozue, Touga, Saionji, and Kanae, compared to her, however, don't mind about such things at all. Though for them, it could easily be read as trauma response, especially Touga. This is one of the many ways that Utena stands out instead of fitting in with the rest, and why I heavily believe she is not only asexual, but also caedsexual, akoisexual, and sex repulsed.

Andd that should be the end of my ramble! I hope you enjoyed peaking into my silly little brain. Rgu means a lot to me for many different reasons. It helped me become more comfortable with being a lesbian. It helped me figure out my gender and my relationship with it. It helped me process the trauma I was going through at the time. It improved my writing and analytical skills. Its truly my favorite show of all time, and I'm so glad I decided to watch it. My ramble may not be as metaphorical and deep as all of the other utena essays out there, but I had fun writing this :3. And to the aros, aces, and lesbians reading this,, I love you,, mwah <3

#rgu #revolutionary girl utena #utena #utena tenjou #anthy himemiya #tenjou utena #himemiya anthy #shoujo kakumei utena #sku #adolescence of utena #asexual #asexuality #ace #ace pride #acespec #aro #aromantic #arospec #aromanticism #aspec #aspec pride #aspec community #demisexual #demiromantic #demiace #demiaro #caedsexual #akoisexual #sex repulsed #whoa thats a lot of tags