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sinkingwmyships · 4 years

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hEY BABY

im back at it again with

JJBA (VA) Purge AU (3)

yeeee this is the one abt the relationship scenarios ;)))

part 1 | part 2

i highly recommend checking out the previous parts first, if not this might be kinda hard to follow

between me and my 1.5 braincells we're trying really hard y'all so pls go easy on us show some support ;_;

OKAY

(oh yea a heads-up no ships are decided yet so treat all these relationship scenarios as hcs (yea imma make AUs inside an AU lmfao))

tw: (1 mention of) homophobia, referenced past abuse, bullying (??)

1. fugio

the first scenario that popped into my head is that Fugo and Giorno go to the same university (for some reason Gio's parents can afford to send him there, idk he probably got financial aid or sth, and then after he killed them (😳 awkwardddd) he's probably using their life insurance in fear of it running out). and Fugo doesn't really care for Gio bc he's a rich boye and he has his quality™️ elite friend circle so why bother himself w a nobody. but in reality all of Fugo's friends are either only on a social level (u know those ppl who you're friends w but u won't necessarily have deep convos w them or choose to hang out w them n stuff), or they're fake and only hang out w him bc of his wealth & status, or bc their rich parents are friends. plus (im referring to the anime backstory here), after the scandal w that professor who sexually harassed him, many ppl secretly hate him and talk shit abt him behind his back due to homophobia.

but anyway, Fugo's plotting against all those biches :) so where does Giorno come in? Gio, being this innocent poor boy who doesn't have a home to go back to, lives on dorm. and let's just say Fugo does too bc he doesn't have the best relationship w his demanding parents, so he was overjoyed when he finally talked them into letting him move from home into the dorms instead. (side note he prolly doesn't Purge his parents bc he needs their money.) so Gio and Fugo know of each other, but not acquaintances or anything.

and then

one day when Fugo's either

running into trouble with some authority figure at school again

just minding his own business and planning his Purge targets

Gio walks in on him, and he's either like

"omg Fugo r u ok do u need help what happened"

"omg Fugo idk what happened between u and ur targets but Purging ain't good, pls reconsider"

and Fugo, having the short-ass fuse that he does (plus probably having his pride wounded and just general mistrust of the ppl around him spurring him on):

"stfu u know nothing about me, but now you've seen this i guess it wouldn't hurt to kill you too"

"stfu u know nothing about me, ur probably one of those happy asshats that have no need for Purges, reconsider?? haha the only thing i'll reconsider is if i'll add u to my kill list" (bc if Gio reports him or sth, Fugo & his fam can get into trouble, since his targets are probably rich and/or influential ppl, but it isn't Purge time yet, so it can be considered malicious intent and/or attempted murder i guess, and so anyone who has any beef w the Fugo fam can bring them down) (i know nothing abt law don't come for me)

and then Gio is like "fuck dis shit im out" and he skrts tf out of there, but sadly Fugo ain't lying 😔 the day of the Purge comes, and Giorno was just trying to barricade himself inside his dorm room when suddenly, Fugo pulls an FBI OPEN UP and breaks inside using all his high-tech weaponry n stuff (i'll share my hcs for chara design later!!). Gio is freaking out so he jumps out the window into the streets, even risking going outside during Purge just so he can get away, but oh 🅱️oy is Fugo stressed tonight. and he literally hunts Gio down and almost kills him

uNTIL!!!¡!

2. abbacchio & giorno:

(SORRY I JUST LOVE DADBACCHIO & GIORSON SO MUCH)

Abbacchio is tasked w hunting down a certain rogue criminal, so he's la-di-da cruising thru Naples to get to Bucci's house, when suddenly this fucking kid comes running up to him with his hair and clothes all messed up and tears running down his face, and is like "pls help me sir i beg u i just need somewhere to hide pls i don't want to do this i don't want to die" and Abba's like "fuq??" but then he hears manic laughter and chainsaws revving and shit, and the kid sniveling all over his crisp™️ Purge suit looks like he can explode with fear at any moment (and plus Abba understands that nobody would ever run up to another person for help during Purge like this, unless it's really their last option), so he sighs, "fine. get behind me."

the kid drops to his knees and Abba can't help but think "aaahhhh fucking dead weight", but he said he'd help, so that's what he's gonna do. now ANOTHER kid rounds the corner but he barely looks sane, he seems almost possessed by something. *fighting ensues* but being a professional cop Abba knocks the kid out cold w a few swift moves, and when he drops to the ground that crazy expression finally leaves his face. he's already wasted too much time, so Abba turns to Kid 1 and is like "go back home brat and dont get into trouble again", but Kid 1 is still a trembling mess on the ground, and he says "i don't have any home to go back to."

subconscious Abba's like "well that's between you and god" but he knows he's basically this kid's god now (besides, there can't possibly be a god that would let things like Purges happen), so he's like, "fine. get in the car and DON'T get in my way" but THEN Kid 1 points to the passed-out demon child, "but we can't leave him here"

A: "he was gonna KILL you!!"

K1: "i know but he didn't mean it, he was just not thinking straight"

A: "Purges ain't where ppl think str8 kid, besides if he didn't really wanna Purge he wouldn't have geared himself up that well"

K1: “but he’s not a bad person. please, if we leave him out here in this state he’ll be killed for sure.”

at this point Abbacchio can't understand wtf Kid 1 is thinking, but for the first time in years he finds some of the humanity he was hoping to regain in Purge, so he's like "fine. haul him into the backseat. but you're sitting with him bc i got my shit in the front. and if he wakes up you're dealing w it this time. cool?"

Kid 1 nods, and surprisingly he has enough strength to shove Kid 2 into the backseat & get in after him. Abba is trying to decide what he wanna do w these kids, when his phone suddenly beeps, and in comes a new message from his superiors, "yo dawg u gotta hurry up and kill that Bucciarati guy, we'd better not catch u slacking" and he's like "yo Kid 1, can u fight?"

"uh, a bit. why?"

"well, that's what you're gonna do for me in return for my protection."

anywhooooo i imagine that later on, Fugo wakes up like "ugh wtf hello concussions????" and he sees Gio standing over him, and he snaps into defensive mode, sitting up and shoving Gio away and everything. but then he sees that Gio's hands are empty, save for maybe a bottle of water and a towel, and somehow Fugo's own wounds are all cleaned and bandaged, and he groans:

"dude, what the fuck are you doing? did i pass out? did you find help?"

G: "you got hit over the head pretty hard, don't move so suddenly."

F: "haha yea thanks i can feel that myself, anyway wtf were you doing?"

G: "uhhhhh... abbacchio patched you up but your face was really grimy so he told me to clean you up, and maybe give you some water?"

F: "no. i mean like what the fuck were you doing????? braincells hello?? kill me! i should be dead!!! is Purge over?? did the sirens go off before you can finish me?"

he suddenly notices how Gio just recoils and sits there with his eyes squeezed shut as Fugo shouts at him and flings his arms around. but he's seen how Gio defended himself against him, so he knows this guy can fight and is no stranger to Purges. this is the first mystery his 152 IQ has encountered in a long time, so Fugo reaches out to get Gio's attention, but then Gio jumps and slaps his hand away so hard Fugo feels his bruised brain jar. he pulls back immediately, holding his hands up, palms forward, finally kind of able to pierce together what's going on inside the blond's mind:

"sorry. wasn't gonna attack you. just... wasn't sure if you were listening to me, so i tried to get your attention."

"i was."

"okay. sorry." Fugo tries, but Gio is already standing up and leaving, glassy green eyes looking anywhere but at him. "wait! Gior— ugh??"

he almost faceplants the ground again. where's my stupid-ass helmet???? i need to be on balance mode stat. but then Fugo feels two arms helping him up, and he looks up to see Gio, frowning in distaste but still supporting him all the same. he feels bad for asking (as if he hasn't bothered this poor guy enough): "uh, so, what exactly happened while i was passed out?"

oh, honey...

a lot :)

BUT PLOT SPOILERS SO THIS ENDS HERE!!!!!! xD

ya know i might actually go w fugio after all :00 but if i do end up writing this, it will span over 12 hours / 1 Purge only, so even if there are ships they'll probably only be implied, instead of madly into each other by the end of everything :P

to be cont’d… 👀🔪 perhaps with other relationship hcs :0 or chara design?? who knows. suggestions?

feel free to drop any questions you have, or just scream to me in the cmts in general!! i’m happy to answer anything, from chara motives to backstory clarification, or anything else!! ik up to now these posts have just been walls of texts, so :’D thanks for reading thooooo 💖

part 4 | part 5

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typicalfictosexualfangirl · 5 years

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dare-out (bnha one-shot; shinso x todoroki x mina x f!reader)

a/n: idk this idea just got into my head and yeah i really wanted to write it, i’m gonna use first person pronoun for the reader bcus that’s how i roll, and don’t question the way i write HAHAHA

summary: four people out to do some dares !!

Shoto, Hitoshi and I were lazing on the couch, just some casual netflix and chill while Mina was taking her own sweet time dolling up.

Well, in actual fact, it was only Hitoshi and I watching Lucifer that was playing on the television as his head laid on my lap.

Shoto was leaning against my shoulder, eyes glued to his phone, probably scrolling through Instagram or something. The three of us had bought him a smartphone his last birthday and yeah, we kinda convinced him to download social media so we could tag him in pictures and create a group chat where we share posts of memes and drop not-so-subtle hints of gifts that we wish someone would get for us.

Shoto adjusted himself on my right, shifting his butt further from me so that he was now lying on my lap too.

I sighed, realising that we have waited for Mina for almost 2 hours. “Babe, are you almost done yet?” I yelled from my place on the sofa, struggling not to move too much and ruining the comfortable positions of my two boyfriends.

“Yes!” she staggered down the stairs.

“Finally,” Hitoshi heaved, sitting up. The three of us turned to look at her, to find out the outfit that had wasted all of our times.

She had on a pale blue long-sleeved crop top that showed off her navel piercing that was of a breathtaking amethyst, a grey skater skirt that stopped mid-thigh, and furry ugg boots.

She spun one round for us to take in her entire outfit, “What do yall think?”

“I think,” I paused for impact, “that did not have to take a full one and a half hour,” I finished my sentence, smirking at her.

She pouted, “Bitch.”

“Now that everyone’s ready, can we go and get some food already?” Hitoshi complained.

“In due time,” I turned to him, pecking him on the lips, “but before that, let’s play a dare game.”

This time, Shoto spoke up, “That doesn’t sound good.”

“Aw, it’ll be fun!”

“Yeah, it does sound fun!” Mina exclaimed, wrapping her arms around me from behind the couch.

“So, we will split into two teams, the ladies versus the gentlemen, and the game will last until dinner time,” I explained the basic rules of the game, “the team that gives in on the most number of dares will have to do the other team a favour, deal?”

Knowing that they can never say ‘no’ to us, both Shoto and Hitoshi sighed in defeat.

“The boys can start,” I suggested, looking up at Mina who gave a nod in agreement.

“Okay, we’ll start with..” Hitoshi trailed of deep in thought, “[Y/N], wash your hands in the toilet bowl,” he smirked at me, the rest of our jaws dropping.

After processing the information, I caught myself and smirked back at him, “Easy.”

The four of us headed to the bathroom as I plunged my hands into the toilet bowl, Mina flushing it for me.

Once I lifted it from the water, I started spraying the water at Hitoshi.

“Oh no, you don’t, get away from me!” Hitoshi screamed as I chased him around the house.

Shoto helped me blocked his way, restraining him with a hug to prevent him from running any further as I happily wiped my hands clean on his shirt.

I thanked Shoto while Hitoshi muttered, upset, “I hate you.”

“I love you too,” Shoto smiled at him.

Mina kept her phone away and spoke up, “Okay, Sho, I dare you to order every single thing on the menu at McDonald’s.”

Shoto grinned at the sound of that, whipping out a credit card from nowhere that was very much Endeavour’s, “I can do that.”

“How has he not terminated that card already?” I questioned.

Shoto shrugged, “Probably because he’s willing to go to great extents to make up to us and patch the family back together.”

“Well, whatever. Let’s all go get some food, I’m starving,” Mina whined, shoving us all out the door.

“Says the one who made us wait for 2 whole hours,” Hitoshi stated, earning him a slap on his upper arm. “Ouch,” he rubbed the spot he was hit.

“Guys, stop the domestic abuse and pick up your pace,” I joked.

“You’re the one who abuses us the most,” both Hitoshi and Mina retorted.

I cowered into Shoto’s side. “Sho, they’re bullying me,” I pouted, causing Shoto to let out a chuckle and he patted my hair.

Buying out the entire menu was certainly a once-in-a-lifetime experience. We ended up having an eating competition, that was a draw between Mina and I, and quite a bit of leftover food that we did not touch.

We decided to pull pranks on people with it by immediately serving the food to them as soon as they told the counter their order. There was also one time where a little boy was tugging on his mother’s sleeve, pestering her about wanting to eat what we had, so Mina just went up and dropped a paper bag in front of them. It was all in good fun.

Shoto turned to Mina, our last paper bag in hand, “You see that group of guys there? Go sit beside them and chat them up while eating their fries.”

“Sure, but if I get beaten up yall gotta stand up for me okay?” she waved us off, stalking towards them.

We watched as Mina hopped onto the chair beside one of the guys, starting up a conversation and casually eating his fries. Every time she reached for the fries, the guy’s eyes would dart from her face, to her hand, to his fries, and back to her face again when she popped the fry into her mouth and slowly chewed on it. He tried to move the packet of fries away from her but she would somehow find her way back to it and eat them again. It was truly a hilarious sight to watch.

It was only when the group stood up, the rage burning in their eyes that we decided to interfere, afraid that a fight would break out. Shoto gave them the bag of free food as compensation for the fries that Mina ate.

“Well, that was intense,” Hitoshi commented as soon as we got out of the fast food restaurant.

Mina agreed, “It was scary and hot at the same time, I’d say I’d never do it again but we all know I will.”

We all burst out laughing.

“I wanna give a dare now!” I exclaimed, raising a hand. “Sho, Toshi,” I turned to both boys, “we can’t be selfish so it’s time for us to share your bodies with your fans.”

The looks of horror on their faces made me laugh out loud again. They sure did not like physical affection, unless it was from either one of us.

I placed my hands on their shoulders, “The two of you shall provide fanservice by giving free hugs at the central plaza.”

“Without your shirts on,” Mina added as soon as I finished.

I nodded at that suggestion. “You two can pass it up if you are prepared to do us ladies a favour!”

It was then that Hitoshi was motivated to not let the dare get to them, “Never.” He dragged Shoto by the hand and headed for the plaza, “Come on, Sho, we’re not gonna lose today. We’re gonna prove them wrong and show them that we can do this.”

At the plaza, Mina and I were seated at the fountain, holding up the signs we had made for the boys to give hugs to the members of the public. It was a heartwarming sight indeed, people of all ages going up and wrapping their arms around them, the genuine smiles on their faces contagious and attracting a whole lot of attention, brightening the day of those that were here to witness this exchange.

“They would be so much more popular if they were more willing to smile in public like that,” Mina whispered in my ear.

I nodded in agreement but I couldn’t imagine it. They have definitely become more expressive ever since the four of us started dating, but my selfish ass kinda not want anyone else to see the expressions they could make.

“Earth to [Y/N]!,” I heard Mina spoke as she wave a hand in front of my face, breaking my reverie.

I shook the thoughts out of my head, “Sorry, I was just thinking about that large group of schoolgirls before.”

This caused a smirk to form on Mina’s face. “Ooh, girl, you jealous or something?” she nudged me in the side.

“I guess,” I muttered, embarrassed.

“But you were the one who dare them to do this,” her voice was accusing, even though that was the absolute fact.

“I know,” I heaved a sigh.

“Aw, babe, you know you don’t have to be,” she wrapped an arm around me and I leaned my head on her shoulder, “you mean so much more to us than we can express, and even if those two idiots were to dump your stupid ass, just know that I’ll always be here,” she comforted me.

I gave her a smile as thanks and she leaned down to kiss me, a reassurance to tell me that she meant every single word she had just said.

Shoto had his hands on his hips and Hitoshi had his above his knees, both of them were panting hard.

“Whoa, you guys seem like you just came back from a workout or something,” Mina commented on their sweaty and disheveled appearances.

After catching his breath, Hitoshi spoke up, “Damn, that was harsh.”

“[Y/N], you alright?” Shoto asked me gently, coming to sit on my other side.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Yeah, other than being jealous of the group of girls back there, she’s good,” Mina explained the situation in my stead.

I shoved her away from me, “Traitor.”

She stuck her tongue out at me in response while Shoto tilted his head slightly in confusion, “But weren’t you the one who suggested we do this?”

“That’s what I said!” Mina huffed.

“That’s why I couldn’t say anything,” my voice was muffled by my hands covering my face.

Hitoshi sat on the now empty spot beside me. “You know there’s no reason for you to,” he pulled me into his side.

“Yeah, to us you’re irreplaceable,” Shoto added, wrapping his arms around my waist and leaning on me, “it was all thanks to you that we are who we are today.”

“That’s what I told her!”

I grinned. If anyone asked me what bliss was, I’d tell them it was this moment, but it was not only that, it was all the moments I shared with them, all the memories we made together. Four people of different personalities, backgrounds and lifestyles coming together, and sharing a house together. Sharing a life together.

“I’m so glad you guys are a part of my life.”

a/n: THIS IS NOT THE END, I WILL BE BACK WITH A CONTINUATION, MORE DARES, AND MORE OF THESE FOUR

#BNHA #SHINSO X TODOROKI X MINA X READER #bnha reader insert #bnha fanfiction #heartsuharu fanfiction

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leointhemoon-blog · 6 years

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my past with dieting

wow, i think this post might end up being long.

to begin with, i was a fat kid from the very start. i don’t think i was obese but i was, i guess, overweight. now that i look back at it, it might have been the baby fat that added to the illusion. or maybe not, since i was fatter than everyone else in my grade.

before i even started school, i was just known to my family as that toddler that loved to eat. as with every story about eating disorders (disclaimer: i never really had an eating disorder but i guess... i almost did if that’s possible.), a likely factor would be the bullies. so in my story, my first bullies would’ve been my relatives.

it’s funny because the word and notion of “family” are supposed to resemble people who support you and care about you. i’m not saying my family doesn’t, but i guess they just have the worst ways of showing it... maybe it’s part of being asian?

anyway, i would remember when my parents dropped me off at my uncle’s place. he’s the second oldest brother of my mom. the uncle would every so often pick at me and say “oh who’s the chubby baby? it’s you” or some cringey baby talk that people do to toddlers-- except it’s usually “who’s a good girl” not “who’s the chubby kid”. lol. there was my cousin, his daughter, who is like at least a decade older than me who didn’t hide her dislike towards me and constantly ask “why do you eat so much?” i often didn’t answer because tbh, as a really young child, i wasn’t much of a person that reacted.

they weren’t wrong ofc. i actually did eat a hella lot. damn, i was a fat kid, deadasssss. even my mom joined on in the pinching of my belly and teasing. i think my first time being self-conscious about it was when i kept sucking in my belly as much as possible when my mom tried to force me into some uncomfortable ass jeans.

when i was a student at my third elementary school (my family moved multiple times), that’s when the bullying started. there’s a ton to say on that matter, maybe i’ll make a separate post, so i’ll just talk about the moments that really matter here. in general, the girls would often refer to me as the fat kid and sometimes would even throw in a comment or two. damn, why are kids so mean sometimes? even now, as a near young adult, i still see kids bullying each other and i can’t help but sigh in disappointment how it’s innate nature of humans to bully others. it’s kind of ridiculous. if you’re going to dislike someone, don’t show it enough to make them feel utterly terrible about themselves. if it gives you power to do so, you’re rotten trash. literally, you’re the real ugly one here.

i remember once when i was sitting a couple of rows behind the rest of the girls in my class in the auditorium of my elementary school, i was watching them talk. and they talked loud so i heard everything. they were just saying stuff like “i do this to my hair to make it look prettier” and “omg your hair is so long it’s so pretty”. i guess they caught me staring so one just smiled and said “(my name) can never be pretty enough with that short hair” to which another said “she’s kind of fat anyway”. ok, first of all-- i loved my damn ass dora the explorer hair cut ok? i was excited to go to the barbershop as a child to request the dora haircut specialty, bitch, i rocked it. i was sorta hurt by both the short hair and fat comments but like again, i didnt say anything i just looked away.

after that, the next time my dad brought me to the hairdresser, i was rebellious as heck. i didnt want short hair. i wanted to keep it long. but you know, there’s only so much 6 year old me can do, so i got my hair cut anyway.

fast forward to fifth grade. after years of constant teasing about my shape and weight, i think i had my awakening after i finished some good ass sandwich at barnes and nobles. i told my mom i was going to use the bathroom and so i did. after washing my hands, i looked into the mirror. ahh, the mirror that makes all the self-conscious people shudder. but i think i had never felt extremely self-conscious and distraught until then.

nobody was in the bathroom at that time, so i was brave enough to continue staring. i took in the sight of my flabby arms (which honestly wasn’t that flabby but it wasn’t thin) and most of all, my round belly. i was horrified as i turned to the side and gaped at how my stomach protruded out of my abdomen. it was like i have never noticed before. then as if a dam has been broken. all those comments and pinching at my body flooded my mind, screaming at me that yes, you are fat. you just realized? again, remind you, i literally wasn’t obese. i was overweight. two totally different things. if i want to make myself feel better, i guess i was borderline overweight only but idk, i was still fat.

i went home that night looking up on the internet “how to be cute” and “how to be pretty” like the naive kid i was and i gave up reading on tips on how to stand or how to dress. i decided i was going to diet.

when i refused to eat more when my mother offered another helping at dinner, i told her i was going to diet. immediately, she yelled angrily and was probably shocked, like who gave my daughter that idea what-- i was and still am a stubborn person so i persisted... i’m not going to go too deep into this because it was often just her trying to feed me and me trying to eat less and less.

i remember when we were at this shopping mall we frequently visited and i was in the dressing room trying to fit on new bras. when my mom helped me buckle up my bra after i finished trying on things, she said, “(my name), you got skinnier. i don’t even need to clasp your bra at the outermost row.” there were three sections for adjustment. i had managed to go from the outermost one to the innermost one. her voice held disappointment, but my heart had felt so light. i was elated.

this continued on into sixth and seventh grade. that’s right, it continued on deep into middle school. except it gotten worse. not only was i cutting down on portions of meals at home, i even did so at school. i skipped lunch, opting to avoid the lunch lines. i managed to skip breakfast when one day i got the idea of lying to my mom. “dont give me breakfast at home. i can just eat the school breakfast” to which she believed and sent me off to school without realizing i really wasn’t going to eat anything. i spent classes with awkward stomach growling. at that time, i didn’t know people could hear your stomach make noises when it’s hungry so i was fine with it lol. i slimmed down by a whole lot.

just to mention, if you’re going to lose weight, make exercise a thing. don’t strictly diet like me. i should’ve probably exercised but nah, i just depended on eating less or not eating at all. like any other rant, i’ll mention this: the rough start of my depression started at the beginning of eighth grade.

i was sick of “friendships”. sick of being used. sick of being second or third or anything else not first. sick of being manipulated. sick of being easily thrown away. most of all, i was just so sick of myself. i felt like i could never be able to have a friend. a friend i could depend on. i cut off all ties, if they barely even existed. i went into complete isolation. eighth grade was the grade i spoke not a single word to anyone. unless ofc i had to answer some question in class or do some group discussion. but even then, i honestly went so quiet. more quiet than i ever was before.

when i did speak a word outside in the hallway once, my classmate thought he was funny and said “wow, (my name) can talk?” and laughed like it was just that damn funny. idk bro, you got nothing better to laugh about? it’s nice that i matter so much to you, you had to make a comment, let alone say my name because clearly my attention wasn’t even on you in the first place.

anyway, hell yeah, i was hella emo. and when i’m emotionally depressed af, my appetite is ruined. starting that year, i fell into constant times of not feeling like eating. by then i was already thin enough i guess. i admit, i wasn’t skin and bones. but i wasn’t overweight anymore. my skin grew paler. it became harder for me to stand up without feeling lightheaded. i began catching colds more often than i ever had before. none of that deterred me from dieting though, despite by the start of my depression, i was already midway through not strictly dieting anymore.

depression continued that for me though. it hurt to eat sometimes. when i feel like crying, when my throat feels rough, my heart feels heavy, why add to the pain by forcing myself to swallow food? i’m not bulimic, i never was. i just avoided food. i would constantly protest “mom, i’m not dieting, i really just am not hungry.” did i ever mention that throughout my years and still up to this day, my mom would constantly throw shade at me for choosing to diet in the past? it hurts every time she does. in fact, i started writing this long ass post just because she did it again today.

i think she also started to notice my increase in depressing mood so sometimes she won’t say much if i refuse to eat. it was like my body hurt when i saw food and my mind drove me somewhere else to avoid the food placed in front of me. food repulsed me. my stomach turned at seeing it. near the end of eighth grade, i gotten into my first serious relationship with some girl 2-3 years older than me online. it lasted for about a year. honestly, it was a very rocky one. i constantly felt depressed. she was depressed too. she made me feel more depressed than i’d be if she wasn’t there, if i had to be honest.

the week following after our breakup, i was utterly broken. 14 year old me had no idea what i was supposed to do. it was halfway through my freshman year at high school. i didn’t have much friends. i only had one. even then, they weren’t there to support me. the other one...who’s now my best friend...i had lost her contact number. it wasn’t until four months later til i finally got in touch with her again so she wasn’t there to help me through my post break up either.

if me skipping meals often because of emotions was bad, this week was the worst. i legitimately didn’t eat more than 3-4 small bites of food a day. even now, i’m surprised how i managed to survive that week on so little food and how my mom didn’t even say much. she did notice and ask “why arent you feeling hungry these days? something wrong?” to which i’d brush off. i cried a lot. a hella lot. most of the times, it was heaving like i was trying to throw up my heart. i mean, i still have my crying sessions as i’m still...hella...depressed and yeah it feels like that. it be like that sometimes. and then the moments besides “most of the times” was me sniffling on the school bus because i just couldn’t stop thinking about it.

i could’ve killed myself. i nearly could’ve. midyear exams were coming. the stress from both school and my personal life was overwhelming. my body was destroyed. but somehow, i manage to overcome myself and get myself back into focusing on the exams. damn, i was hella scholar. now i’m not though lol. but then, i was focused since i was only a freshman that had just gotten into a prestigious school. the exams had managed to make me forget about what happened temporarily.

now, i still constantly look down on my body and wonder if i’m too fat. i still fat check. i squish my thighs, stare at them, hold them, then stare again. i look at my belly, i pinch it, i stare, i hold it tight wishing i can make the fat disappear. i’m not fat per se. people now call me skinny af, call me a pile of bones (i’m not, they’re exaggerating but i wish i was tbh). i hold my arms, squishing them to see if they’re too thick or not. i still look in the mirror observing the width of my body. i still try to calculate how much i’ve eaten on a daily basis. thinking about what i ate today and how much i’ve eaten.

perhaps, i’m not actively starving myself anymore, but those actions of paranoia and self-consciousness never left me...my stomach is probably ruined. will that stop me? probably not. i’ll be honest.

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parkerrogersgirl · 6 years

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Tempting Fate- Chapter 16

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Word Count: 2,551 (Got super wordy on this one, sorry not sorry. It was 3am and I aggressively could not sleep)

Warnings: Fluff n’ smut; lots of cuteness

A/N: Hey, y’all! @sonofadeanwinchester and I decided it’d be cool if we wrote a series together. SO, HERE’S CHAPTER 16! Please, please, please give us feedback. Feedback is the glue that keeps the writers together. We need the feedback. Send either of us an ask, and we’ll just send each other screenshots. Or you can send it to both of us. Thanks, lovelies.

Reader’s POV

You wake up early in the morning and reach for Sebastian, finding an empty bed. You’re confused for a moment before you remember the events of last night. You sigh, putting on a robe before going downstairs. You see that Sebastian is sitting at the kitchen table, and you slowly sneak into the kitchen, avoiding your fiancé.

You accidentally stub your toe on the table, shouting “FUCK,” and getting Sebastian’s attention.

He stands, hugging you tightly to him, “I’m so sorry, darling. I know I was selfish. I’m terrible.”

You look up at him, shrugging, “it’s okay. I overreacted.”

“You really didn’t, though. I was stupid. I know you aren’t big on people, and I put myself before you. Now that we’re engaged, I need to put you first. So I’ve decided that I want you to be at my interview this morning.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Sebby…”

“I promise, it’ll go great. Please come? It’s important to me. Everyone needs to see how incredible you are, and that I’m madly in love with you.”

“If it means that much to you, then yes, I’ll go. BUT I have to take a shower first.”

He smirks, looking into your eyes. His are dark, filled with lust, as he asks, “can I join?”

You wink, running upstairs to get in the shower as he chases you into the guest bathroom. You turn on the shower and strip, quickly getting in before Sebastian. He follows suit, promptly joining you in the shower. He presses you up against the wall, kissing you roughly. You moan into the kiss and reach up, pulling on his hair. He reaches down, his finger playing in your already slick folds. You gasp, tugging harder on his hair. He bites your bottom lip as he slips two fingers in, pumping them in and out.

“You’re already so ready for me, darling,” he groans in your ear.

You move your head to nibble his neck, eliciting a growl from him. He pulls his fingers out and pulls you up so your arms and legs are around him. He lines himself up with your slit before slamming into you, and you moan loudly.

“FUCK, SEB.”

He smirks, pounding into you while whispering sweet nothings in your ear, “we don’t have much time, scumpa mea. And I want to get as much of you as I can before we leave for the day.”

You moan louder upon hearing his Romanian pet name for you, and you already feel your orgasm rapidly approaching. His thrusts become less precise, and he starts to falter gradually. He kisses you passionately as you cum, and he follows seconds later.

You kiss him back, and he pulls away briefly, looking into your eyes, “how was that for makeup sex?”

You blush as you get off him, getting under the water to start washing your hair. “I don’t know, baby. That was my first experience with that.”

He raises an eyebrow, “no way. You’ve never had makeup sex?”

You turn around, looking at him seriously, “Sebastian, you were my first.”

After your shower, you blow dried and curled your hair, applying just a tiny bit of makeup. You put on a knee-length red dress, adding a pair of black ankle boots to the ensemble. Sebastian exits the bathroom and looks you up and down. He walks closer to you, looking like a hunter stalking his prey.

“Darling, you look downright sinful in red. I can’t wait to take that dress off later tonight. I’m tempted to go so far as to say I’d spank you, but I don’t know how well that would go over,” he says as he gets so close that your chests are touching, slipping an arm around you to grab your ass.

You smirk, staring into his eyes, “you know, Sebastian… I think that could be fun.”

His eyes go wide and he kisses you deeply, squeezing your ass harder. He kneads his fingers into your flesh, holding you tight.

You escape the kiss to catch your breath, looking up at him, “don’t start anything now, Seb. You’re making me go to this interview, and if we start mischief now, we’ll never get out of here.”

He shrugs, holding out his arm, “let's go then, milady.”

He drives the rental car to BuzzFeed HQ, and you were not excited. Sure, BuzzFeed was great for quizzes, but they weren’t exactly a reliable news source. On the other hand, BuzzFeed specifically caters to the average age of Seb’s fan base, so at least his message would get across.

Sebastian was going to be interviewed by Kristin Harris, who was the Celebrity Editor at BuzzFeed. She wanted to get to know you and Sebastian a bit before the interview, so you headed straight up to her office.

She welcomed you and Seb into her office, and she wasn’t even phased by him. Well, okay. She was a little, but come on. He’s Adonis. She asked you about your history together and how you’d reconnected, and she started tearing up a little when Seb took your hand and started talking about fate. She asked what you thought about the threats and everything, and you told her the truth. You told her that you were shocked by how people were treating a stranger, and that you were raised to never speak ill of anyone you’d never met.

“Well, hopefully, this interview will help people realize that you’re actually a delightful person. Hell, I’ve only known you for 10 minutes and I love you,” she tells you.

“Aww, thank you so much!” You say, blushing, as Seb takes your hand again, giving it a light squeeze.

“So,” Kristin starts, “I think I figured out a plan of what we should do. I think I should interview Sebastian for a few minutes, and then, (Y/N), we’ll bring you in so you two can play our BFF Game. How’s that sound?”

Sebastian looks at you, feeling you start to panic, “(Y/N)’s not really a camera person.” “That’s fine, we can make it so that you won’t even see that camera. Is that better?” You smile, nodding at her, “that sounds great, actually.”

She grins and calls her team in, and she ushers you and Seb off to get camera ready. They adjust your makeup to compensate for the lighting in the room, but otherwise, they leave you alone. Although, one of the hair people kept fluffing up your curls because she was obsessed with your hair. It was awkward, but you’d live.

When they finish with you, you’re brought out to the room where Seb will be interviewed. He’s sitting in the chair and he grins at you as you walk over to him. You kiss him softly and he pulls you onto his lap, making you giggle.

“You ready for this, baby?”

You shrug, “if it’ll get people to stop threatening to come after me, I’m desperate for anything.”

He nuzzles your neck, kissing it softly, “I’m so proud of you for doing this, darling. I know you hate cameras, so I’m incredibly proud of you for agreeing to this.”

You grin, kissing him softly, “if it means I get to marry you eventually, then I’m down for anything.”

Kristen knocks on the door and you turn around, feeling awkward. You start to get up, but she stops you.

“Actually, this is perfect for the photo that’s gonna go in the article and on social media.” She grabs her phone and you put an arm around his shoulders, grinning at the camera. She takes the picture and you get off Seb’s lap. Kristin ushers you to a spot next to the camera so you can watch the interview, and Seb winks at you. You take a deep breath, preparing yourself to be on camera.

The cameraman gives Kristin the signal and she starts the interview.

“Heyyyy, everyone! I’m Kristin Harris, Celebrity Editor at BuzzFeed, and I’m here with Sebastian Stan. So, Sebastian, welcome to Florida. How do you like it so far?”

“I love it, actually. I’ve spent the last few days at amusement parks, and I’m a bit obsessed with Universal Studios. It’s pretty humid down here, though. We only have dry air out in L.A. Here in Orlando, if I’m outside for more than 2 minutes, I’m already soaked in sweat.”

She laughs, “that’s very true, it’s quite humid down here. And it’s understandable that you love Universal, I think most people do. So what’s going on with filming and everything?”

“Well, we all just finished up the last two Avengers movies, and it’s weird knowing that some of the cast is completely done, so we had a bit of a bittersweet end to filming.”

“Any hints on who’s out?” She presses.

“Nope, sorry. Can’t reveal anything. All of us are already terrible secret keepers, so if anyone spills any secrets, pretty sure Marvel can legally send an assassin after us,” she says with a shrug.

“Well, you seem like a pretty good secret keeper. Your fiancée, for example. No one had any idea about her until you made an Instagram post about her. How’d that happened?”

“Well, we met when we were 8 years old. We were childhood sweethearts, and we dated for our junior and senior years of high school. I left to go to college to start acting, and we didn’t talk for 5 years. But, we were on the same flight from L.A. to Orlando and our seats were right next to each other, so I decided to take advantage of the opportunity fate presented to me, and there’s no way in hell I was going to lose the love of my life twice.”

She wipes a tear from her eye, putting a hand over her heart, “that’s absolutely beautiful. Speaking of beautiful, your fiancée (Y/N) is here to play a game with us, so let’s bring her on!”

Sebastian holds out his hand and you sit in the chair next to him as he kisses you softly. “Hi, I’m (Y/N) (Y/L/N), and I’m Sebastian’s fiancée.” You wave at the camera, squeezing Seb’s hand.

“Alright, (Y/N), tell us about yourself, and your relationship with Sebastian.”

“Well, like Seb said, we met when we were eight. He was getting bullied because he was the new kid with the funny accent, so I pretty much told the bully to eff off, and we’ve been friends ever since.”

“And that was pretty much the day I realized I loved her,” Seb says, kissing your cheek.

You blush, and Kristin grins, “God, you two are adorable. It’s ridiculous. Alright, are we ready to play a game?”

“Let’s do it,” you and Seb say simultaneously. Kristin hands you each a white board and a marker, and you grin at Seb.

“Alright, we’re gonna play the BFF game. Basically, I’m going to ask a question about one of you, and hopefully, you’ll both give the same answers. So, first question- what movie makes (Y/N) cry every time?”

You roll your eyes, knowing she was starting off with an easy question. You scribble down your answer, hiding your answer from Seb. The timer goes off, and you both reveal your answers-

“E.T.”

Kristin applauds you, and Sebastian laughs, “We went on the E.T. ride at Universal and she cried. It was pretty cute. We were actually watching E.T. the first time she cried in front of me. It was a big deal.”

“Wow, that’s a lot of memories for one movie. So, next question- what is Sebastian’s all time favorite American food?”

You think for a minute, biting your lip before you write down your answer.

He finishes a second later, and you turn your board to show Kristin your responses-

“Mac and cheese with hot dogs.”

“Wait,” Kristin says, confused, “macaroni with hot dogs on the side, or actually in the pasta?”

“In the pasta. The first time he came over to my house, my stepdad made him macaroni with a hot dog on the side. He’d never had macaroni before, and he was immediately addicted. He dipped the hot dog in the pasta, and the rest is history.”

“Wow, you two have a lot of stories together. Let’s keep going, shall we?”

She keeps asking you questions, and you get every single one correct. After the interview is over, Kristin gets a selfie and tells you the video will be posted within an hour. You get out of the building and get back in the car, sighing deeply.

Seb leans over, hugging you tightly, “I am so proud of you for that, darling. You were incredible.”

“Are you sure, Sebby? I was so nervous…”

“Baby, you were amazing. I can’t believe how well you did. They’re going to love you. Probably more than they love me, actually. Not sure how I feel about that.”

You blush, kissing him deeply. He puts a hand on your cheek, kissing you harder. You deepen the kiss, and he puts his hand on the small of your back.

“We should probably get going, darling. I want us to have a really relaxing day. I talked to Gabe, and he’s gonna get your mom out of the house for the day, and your sister is going to go hang out with friends at the mall.”

“What are you planning, Sebastian?”

“You’ll find out, baby,” he says with a wink before he pulls out of the parking lot and starts driving back to your parents’ house.

You got off the bus, holding Sebastian’s hand as you led him to your house, using your key to unlock the front door. Your mom and Gabe had always wanted you to have a key just in case you needed to get home and they were at work. “MAAAAAAHMMMMMM I BROUGHT SEBASTIAN HOME,” you yelled.

Gabe shouted back from the kitchen, “are we keeping him hostage?”

“No, Gabe, he’s just staying for dinner. He’s never had macaroni,” you replied as you walked into the kitchen.

“Excuse me? This boy has never had mac and cheese? Alright, we’re fixing this now.” He opened the pantry and grabbed two boxes of Kraft Mac & Cheese, starting to make it. “Sit down, kid, I’m about to change your life.”

You and Sebastian did your homework for a few minutes at the table, and Gabe brought over your dinner.

“Thanks, Gabe,” you said as you started eating. You noticed he added a hot dog on the side, which was classic Gabe. Gabe looooooved his protein.

Sebastian looked at you quizzically, “it’s so…. Orange.”

“Just eat it, Seb. It’s good, I promise. If you want to be a real American, you gotta eat it.”

He shook his head as he took a bite, his eyes going wide, “THIS IS AMAZING.” He picks up his hot dog with a fork, dipping it in the pasta. “AND THIS IS EVEN BETTER.”

You did the same, moaning to yourself, “wow, this is actually really really good.”

He grinned, wolfing down his dinner, “I want this for dinner every night.”

You smiled at your best friend, knowing that you’d be friends with Sebastian Stan for a long time.

MY Tag List (Let me know if you’d like to be added!):

@sis-tafics @my-emotional-self @thankyouforanonymity @gatorgal94 @supernaturaldean67 @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @summer-winchester @thevampywitch @princess76179 @sebbies @white-chocolate-mocha-fan @jcc04220 @lostess-souless @samanddeanmyguardianhunters @ilovethefandomwho @dancer2001 @a-tale-of-two-comics @moondustparker @yleryoseeph @magellan-88 @healojane @sarahp879 @mizz-kraziii @lostinspace33 @silver-starburst @lilmissperfectlyimperfect @guera31 @destielinamoose @808shelbsters @demonkitkat @hoe4sebstan @izzy206-2001 @esther-alves-world @maslow-90 @tinyfistwarrior @mrs-meghan-winchester

@sonofadeanwinchester ‘s Tag List:

@shellymaesworld @titty-teetee @pawallday @221bshrlocked @chameerah @buckylicious @nerdywitch @sarahp879 @i-should-probably-be-asleep-rn @ssweet-empowerment @jhangelface0523 @parkerrpeterr @bxxbxy @winter-cearig

#Sebastian Stan #Sebastian stan x reader #Sebastian stan x reader fluff #sebastian #marvel #marvel fanfic #marvel fanfiction #marvel fluff

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doyourememberhow · 3 years

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Have a Nice Life - Deathconsciousness

I’m sitting in front of my keyboard right now, not sure if I have the actual ability to put my feelings about this record into words.

I first heard this record in 2012, and I was 17. I was in a fairly miserable situation at the time. I was stuck at home, day in and day out, barely scraping by my homeschool curriculum. The only real life social interactions I had were the occasional days I’d work at this shitty grocery store in my town, and I fucking hated every minute of it. I hated my boss, he was a bully and he preyed on my timidness and lack of world experience and used his position to put me in uncomfortable situations. I hated the customers, their demands and their uncaring wrath towards me when I didn’t meet their every tiny expectation or when we just didn’t have their brand of frozen biscuits in the warehouse in the back. I hated the work, cleaning these disgusting bathrooms every time I was there, vacuuming carpets and sweeping floors that would never stay clean longer than an hour or two. It was already a scary situation to my grossly underdeveloped psyche and I dreaded my time out there a lot. I ended up getting another part time job a bit later at a flower shop and I liked that job so much it made the shifts at the grocery store bearable. But that’s not really relevant to what I’m about to talk about.

I’m not actually going to mention the music on this album much at all, I’ll say briefly that I think the fusion of metal, spacious post-rock, shoegaze and industrial instrumentation all makes for a, in my opinion, beautiful experience, but I’m going to be dumb and sentimental and basically just write about my emotional experience with this record.

I first heard about this album through a friend, I thought that the album art using Jacques-Louis David’s Death of Marat was very interesting, and from what my friend had told me about it, I thought it would be right up my alley. A super sad industrial shoegaze album? Hell yeah. I downloaded it from a russian tracker site and plugged my shitty sony earbuds into my slow ass laptop. I laid back in my bed and hit play.

The slow ass guitar in “Conneticut” soothed me, but I wasn’t really grabbed by it initially. I was confused, I thought this was a booming industrial album, what’s the deal? This intro lasts quite a while, and my depressed thoughts sort of amplified and fired off in my head and I found myself to be in quite a terrible mood, to be honest. I think I started crying, if I’m being honest. Like I said, I really wasn’t doing well at this point in my life. Everything felt overwhelming. Everything felt crushing. I was in an abusive online relationship that wasn’t going well, I was alone in my room 90% of the time, I hated my job, my relationship between my brothers and my parents was crumbling apart and everything felt like it was on my feeble teenage shoulders. I didn’t know if I was going to make it to the next week. Fuck this. Fuck this album, it isn’t anything like I thought it was going to b-

“Bloodhail”, the second track, the REAL beginning of this album then began to play.

Oh. Oh fuck, okay.

That overblown bass riff with those compressed, booming drums felt like hammers inside my head. Like the album was telling me to shut the fuck up and stop focusing on my thoughts. I listened. I shut the fuck up and I listened. I sat through this hour and a half long album, barely moving an inch. It was one of the most cathartic experiences of my life. I couldn’t believe that somebody this fucked up, this depressed, this sick of existence could create something so beautiful.

After I finished the album, I immediately put it back on, and I began to write in my journal. I couldn’t stop. I wrote every feeling in my heart down. I wrote out all of my frustrations, all of my fears, all of my horrible hateful opinions of myself, all of my feelings of loneliness and isolation down and it filled 6-7 pages, front to back. I felt so tired after that. I closed my notebook and processed what I just experienced, in my room, at like 2 in the morning. Everybody in my house was asleep. At this point I was halfway through my third listen of Deathconsciousness. I took my headphones off, and went to the kitchen to drink a bottle of water. I walked back to my room and grabbed my notebook and my little trash can. I went outside and set the fucking thing on fire, in silence. I’ve never told anyone this story, actually. Feels kind of good to write down here, on this blog that no one will read. It was an incredibly cathartic night. I woke up the next morning, on like 3 hours of sleep and walked to my shitty fucking grocery store job. I felt like everything was going to be alright. I messaged the girl I was in a relationship with and apologized for whatever it was that she was angry with me about. I came up with fun things for my parents and brothers to do together, I stayed up late every night with my brother that was more suicidal than I was and listened to him air his grievances about everything going on. I tried my best at my job. For a while after that, at least, I tried as hard as I could to make the best out of my situation.

I would end up listening to Deathconsciousness many, many more times, and it’s still a record I hold very close to my heart. If I had to pick one moment that really kills me every time I hear it, it’s when the drums come in on “The Big Gloom”. It really quiets me, every time I hear it. I have to stop thinking and just feel it. It’s hard to describe, I guess, but it’s hard to turn my thoughts off sometimes. This album is one of the few that really, really quiet the thoughts down. It means a lot to me. Thank you.

More than a symbol More than I bargained for

The Big Gloom

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i-am-adlocked · 6 years

Text

Got tagged by two people and since the questions are custom-made (lol) I guess, I’ll answer twenty-two instead of eleven LMAO. Love you both guys!

The rules are:

• Post the rules

• Answer the questions given to you by the tagger

• Write eleven questions of your own

• Tag eleven people

QUESTIONS FROM @equusgirl

1. If you could have lunch with anyone alive or dead, who would it be?

This is a tough one. I have many different aspects of myself—several masks. My joker-self would want to be with my friends because I never fail to make them laugh their pants off. My lonely-self would want my future spouse, whoever that person is, right now. My artist-self would want Vincent Van Gogh so I could do the Doctor Who thing where I would reassure him that he is amazing.

My desperate-self would want Bob Ross because I bet he’d inspire me the hell out. My sad-self would want to have lunch with my dead happy-self because I bet I’d slap the hell out of my face. My family-oriented-self would want my maternal grandfather I never got to meet because he doesn’t know me and it’s nice to have a family who would probably say that they’re proud of me. Estranged relatives are like that, I think lmao

OH and I would also want any psychologist, so I’d have free sessions to deal with my ADHD because I can never afford to have more sessions, and I’d finally get a prescription cos I need dem meds.

2. You’re stuck on an elevator with whoever is on your lock/home screen. Who is it?

If we’re talking about my phone, I guess I’m stuck on an elevator with the Eiffel Tower (lock screen) and Mona Lisa (home screen). If we’re talking about my computer, I guess I’m stuck on an elevator with Sherlock (lock screen) and Leo Valdez (home screen). Ho-ho-ho I will be in an elevator with self-loathing mask-wearing joking-but-dead-inside heroes. That will be fun.

3. Last TV show/movie you watched?

I rewatched the last episode of The Crown again after I binged-watched Riverdale and re-re-re-binged-watched The Good Place. Movie-wise, it was the Filipino film called “Ang Larawan”. It’s actually hard for me to watch films because it takes a lot of time for me to stay focused in one episode.

4. A cottage on the beach or a cabin in the mountains?

Cabin in the mountains. I hiss angrily at beaches because I tan so easily and I kid you not, I haven’t swum in a beach since 2009. In a country where lighter paler skin was more cherished, and being an insecure bullied 10-year-old. You’ll understand why. Nowadays, I guess the habit just stuck. ALSO CABIN IN THE MOUNTAINS HOW FREAKING COOL WOULD THAT BE... I’d be surrounded by trees, it would be cold there, I can sit by the fireplace, look out my window to view the beautiful forest and night sky, and just drink whiskey, read a book, and quietly whisper, “Bless.”

5. Last song you listened to?

If we’re not including Brooke Simpson’s performances (specifically, “It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s World”) in The Voice which I legit just binge-watched before opening Tumblr, it would be the Riverdale Cast’s cover of “Mad World.” I was shookt that I liked it.

6. Most recent obsession?

Video-editing. More-so than usual. I legit have anxieties when I’m not making a video. I should probably stop after finishing these videos I’m doing because I know it will hinder my studies (which I’m already failing at because of my worsening ADHD), and it’s already ruining my sleeping patterns and eating habits. It’s a toxic kind of obsession.

7. Last thing you googled?

“people find out harry potter is abused fic rec” shut up (if interested, click here)

8. Which city would you most like to visit?

(for the first time?) Athens. (again?) either Assisi or Rome or Paris. You can’t make me choose.

9. If you could bring one (1) fictional character to life, who would it be?

I’m having a hard time between Mary Watson (Sherlock) and River Song (Doctor Who) *sobs*

10. Favorite thing about yourself?

My... God, I don’t know, really. I don’t really like myself so how can I find a favorite thing about myself? My ability to brag for things I’m not even good at, I guess? False advertising of myself, I guess? HAHAHAHHA WAIT NO! My ability to make anything sad or depressing. Yes, I’m good at that. It’s not my favourite thing about me but out of all, that’s the only thing I think I’m really good at.

11. Ideal career?

Becoming a wife and mother. Some people give me odd looks for this but I really want to take care of people in ways I never experienced. I want to be there for some people—to feel needed and depended on—to be trusted, long-term.

Younger-me would be furious. She was aro-ace. As a person who grew up only relying on books as company, I thought I would grow up as the typical strong independent woman who is a CEO or is an actress, or a musical theatre performer... I used to want to be that...

But those dreams were based on what my family wanted. CEO because I grew up poor and being a CEO would make me financially stable which my parents wanted. Actress/Theatre Performer because my sister and I bonded through musical theatre, TV shows, and films, and we both love the arts (but I have to admit that she’s better than me with everything srsly im not kidding)...

But as just for myself? I really don’t see myself working for money, or working for the arts. I mean, obviously I want to work for money and for the arts, but... I want to work for people I care about—for a family I will finally not be scared enough to say “I love you” without fearing they would laugh in my face.

—oOo—

OKAY, NOW QUESTIONS FROM @musical-chick-13

1. If you could wake up and be magically good at something you’ve never done before (or have little experience doing), what would you want it to be?

The ability to quickly understand things I’m not interested in and explain them to people easily with how I understood them. I think that would help me a lot in my Law class now at uni. Seriously, I’m having troubles reading, and I always stutter in class because I’m not good at formal English.

My stupid brain needs time to process what I learned (which was written in English), explain it to myself (in Filipino), translate my explanation from Filipino to English, and focus enough to say those things out loud.

2. What is/are your favorite genre(s) of music?

I have an odd range: musical theatre, rock, indie, classical music, PIANO IS LIFE, ANYTHING AS LONG AS IT IS GOOD PIANO AT THE BEGINNING (usually starts with an A, idk why). Also, Lady Gaga and Beyonce. Hands down.

3. What was your first fandom?

Avatar: The Last Airbender. THE SERIES OKAY. A year after that was Harry Potter and Sherlock AT THE SAME TIME 2010 was a crazy year. Just like that, since I was eleven years old, I went down the road to fandom hell.

4. What is a play/musical/opera/etc. (basically any fictional work that’s not a book, movie, comic, or TV show) you like?

BOY YOU CAN’T MAKE ME CHOOSE BETWEEN UGHGHGH ILL JUST PUT MY TOP SIX

Spring Awakening, Next to Normal, In the Heights. (I listen to the full album completely. The music is divine and the stories are beautiful. You got a story about sex, a story about mental illness, and a story about Hispanics). Spring Awakening’s and Next to Normal’s rock + violin music in a setting of 1800′s Germany and a typical family house, gets me on, ya know?

Sweeney Todd, Wicked, and Rent. (The typical classics I love, note that whenever Sweeney Todd’s Prologue and Wicked’s As Long as You’re Mine starts, I get orgasms just as much when the peak of Rent’s Goodbye Love goes). Great songs, seriously.

5. If you could get paid for doing a mundane task, what would you choose to get paid for?

Organising files.

6. What is a joke you really like?

My death.

7. If you had to have a job working under a fictional character, which character would you choose to be your boss and why?

Sherlock. He would know how to take care of me. He would know how to make me feel better. He has great work ethics, and he knows when to be harsh with his words and gentle, because he knows which people are deserving to be called idiots and those who are just insecure. Though I’ll probably annoy him because of how nervous I’d be but since “Faith Smith” I’d think he’d know how to deal with me, I guess.

8. What article of clothing is your favorite to wear (i.e., dresses, skirts, pants, suits, hats, jewelry, etc.)?

A gold necklace my grandmother gave to me because out of all my cousins (or our generation in our lineage), I’m the first one she gave an “inheritance” to because I happen to be her roommate. Considering that I am the dumbest in the family as well as the family freak, I consider this as my sole victory.

9. Do you consider yourself to be an optimist, a pessimist, or something else entirely?

A total pessimist. An optimist to those who are feeling pessimistic. In my head, there is nothing but hopelessness, despair, and utter misery and pain. But homie, you say shit like that to me? You tell me you are feeling those? Yo, imma throw my rainbows and sunshine up your ass, you are gonna vomit glitter and light, I swear to all deities out there.

I may claim to say that I’m like this because I’m the only one who should be pessimistic, like I’m some narcissistic the-world-revolves-around-me idiot because I don’t like being depicted as anything else but manipulative, cruel, and an arsehole. So please stop telling me I’m nice or that I’m a good person. It makes me feel weird. They’re like unnatural things to say to me.

10. Feelings on cats?

Tolerable. My sister loves them. My school has cats just chilling around. They love me idk why. I love dogs more so I’m surprised they let me in their pack.

11. Favorite soda (or beverage in general if you don’t like soda)?

ALL MY FRIENDS KNOW OF MY WILD ADDICTION TO COCA-COLA.

—oOo—

MY QUESTIONS:

1. Are you feeling okay right now?

2. What is the funniest thing you have ever first-hand witnessed/experienced in real life?

3. Who is/are the most important person/people in your life and why?

4. What is a memory that wouldn’t fail to make you smile like an idiot while you’re in public?

5. How did you come to your current obsession?

6. Why do you ship your OTP (either real-life or fiction)?

7. Let’s pretend speed and distance (lol basically velocity), and quality are the same, would you rather be in a plane or a ship in a storm where there are many lightnings and thunder involved in December?

8. What is the object that is most sentimental to you?

9. If you could be in any fictional world, which one would you explore, and will you or will you not interact with your favourite character? Why or why not?

10. What animal do you most relate to or you consider to be your spirit animal? Why or why not?

11. How do you define the word, “Happiness”?

Tags: @thank-you-for-being-with-me @sentimentalgenius @addignisherlock @randombiochemist @simpleanddestructivechemistry @its-sentimental-adlock @themissadventurer @sorrowsflower @throughtheparadox @theleftpill No pressure, guys! Also to anyone who wants to answer, too! I even tag those who tagged me.

#personal #tag thingies #i love dem tag thingies

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ladyseaheart1668 · 6 years

Text

Endless Summer Fan Novel (Book 1, Chapter 2)

Notes: See, one thing I love about the prose format is that I am not constrained by the games one-or-the-other choices. Alodia can play Marco Polo with Sean AND talk to Estela! Such intoxicating power! In case anyone was wondering, I have actually finish rough drafts of the first two books. (I have been working on this fan novel for quite some time), so I can post chapters quite quickly. Content Warning: Strong language because I have the mouth of a sailor. Also mention of bullying in this chapter.

The geometric-printed carpet that covers the Celestial's expansive lobby is dotted here and there with suitcases and luggage racks. A half-finished glass of wine sits on the table. But the concierge desk is deserted. The suitcases are abandoned.

“Where is everybody!” Michelle taps the concierge bell impatiently. “I mean, helloooooooooo!”

No answer.

Sean puffs up his cheeks and blows out the breath through barely parted teeth. The noise sounds bewildered. “Sooo...this'll make for one weird-ass Yelp review.”

“The hotel staff knew we were coming this week, right?” Grace says nervously. “This is not good.”

“What are you complaining about dweeb?” Craig snorts. “We have the whole hotel to ourselves! This is sick!”

I shake my head. “This is totally creepy. I'm with Grace on this one. Something like this doesn't just happen. We should try to figure out if something is seriously wrong.”

Grace smiles gratefully at me. “Thanks for backing me up, Alodia. I don't want to sound like I'm raining on everyone's parade.”

“But you are raining on it!” Craig insists. “You're going full-on monsoon on my parade.”

Raj pops up from behind the bar, grinning. “At least the booze is still here. Who's up for a mai tai?”

Diego picks up the half-finished glass of wine sitting on a table beside a lounge chair. “Check it out, Allie. Fresh lipstick on the rim. It's like everyone just suddenly up and left.”

“But without their luggage,” Quinn chimes in. “Why?”

I'm noticing something else, something that's making me that much more nervous. “Hey...guys? Check your phones, will you? ...Because I'm not getting any service.”

Diego pulls out his phone and frowns. “...I'm not getting service either.”

“Not me, either,” Quinn says. One by one, my classmates confirm it. None of us have cell phone service.

“Maybe they don't got any towers here,” Craig suggests.

Aleister groans. “Of course the island has cell phone towers, you colossal buffoon!”

“And how would you know that?” the girl with the undercut asks warily.

Aleister looks taken aback. “I...well...of course, I...” Abruptly, he regains his composure, features settling into a cold sneer. “Perhaps because I'm not a complete imbecile? They were plainly visible in the distance on our approach.”

“Allie, what do you think's happening?” Diego asks.

“...I'm thinking there was some kind of incident.”

“An incident?”

“Yeah. You know, like a gas leak or an outbreak of plague or something, and everyone had to leave.”

“That's...not implausible actually,” Grace says. “This is a volcanic island, after all.”

“Lila, what do you...” I stop, looking around for our guide. “...Uh...has anyone seen Lila?”

Slowly, we wander outside, where we find Lila pacing like a tiger in a cage.

“Lila?” Grace approaches cautiously. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, me? I'm perfect! I'm sure this is positively nothing to worry about! I bet it's just a fire drill.” She flashes a far-too-bright smile at us. “Or maybe even a hotel-wide beach picnic!”

Jake snorts derisively. “Yeah, or maybe the Care Bears came down from the clouds and took everyone to Happy-Happy Land.”

“That's not helping,” Sean growls.

“Have you even watched an episode of Care Bears,” Raj mutters. “You just sound ignorant.”

Jake ignores Raj, turning to glare at Sean. “Not helping? You're the ones sitting around playing story time. How about getting some real answers? Truth is, I'm not here to help. I'm here to get paid. And right now, ain't nobody here to pay me.”

“We're only getting answers if someone around here shows some leadership,” Sean shoots back. “Looks like you're not up to the task.”

“You throw a ball around and you think that qualifies you to talk to me about leadership?”

Sean draws himself up and takes a step closer to Jake. Jake responds, squaring off. For my part, I've had enough, and push in between them.

“Will both of you quit puffing your chests?” I snap. “The only thing that's getting us nowhere is this stupid macho display!”

I admit, my ego is rather tickled by the surprise fighting contrition in their faces, as if I were a teacher pulling apart two boys wrestling on the playground.

“Whoa, hang on--” Sean protests.

“Captain America here's trying to--”

I raise my hand sharply, cutting them off. “Don't wanna hear it. Shake hands. Then put your heads together and help us figure this out.”

The two of them size each other up. Then, grudgingly, they shake hands.

“Better?”

“Yeah,” Sean says. “We're good.”

“Sure, whatever,” Jake grunts.

“Great. We've got the power of friendship,” Diego quips. “Now what are we supposed to do, Allie?”

I suddenly realize Diego isn't the only one looking at me for guidance. ...Everyone is. Even Lila. I hesitate, but only for a moment. Someone has to step up here.

“I...Well, there has to be something around here that will tell us what happened, right? I say we split up and search the hotel.”

“Oh, wonderful idea, Alodia!” Lila says, back to her perky self.

“Hmmm, maybe I'll find something by the pool,” Grace suggests.

“The pool, huh?” Jake says. “I like the way you think. I'll go with Brain Trust.”

Raj turns to Craig. “Yo, Craig, if things were normal, what would we be doing right now?”

“Uh...eating?”

“Exactly. Let's check the restaurant.”

“Perfect!” Lila turns to the girl with the undercut. “Where would you like to look Zahra?”

“Don't care,” Zahra mutters.

“Well...how about we check the ballroom?”

“Still don't care.”

“Where are you headed?” I ask Diego.

“I thought I'd check out the pool.”

“I'll go with the ballroom group then.” I grin. “We'll spread the dynamic duo out. Lets more people benefit from our superpowers.” ...Besides that, it kinda looks like Quinn is drifting towards the ballroom group.

He catches where my gaze is lingering and grins back. “Yeah. Good plan, Batman. Meet you back here in a bit.” I start off when something makes me stop.

“...What is it?” Diego asks.

“That girl...the quiet one in the hoodie.” I do a quick head count just to be sure. “...She's gone.”

“...You're right...but...hey, let's worry about one thing at a time, okay?”

“...Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I'll catch up with you later.”

But I can't shake the electric feeling that fizzes in my veins when I remember the way that girl held my gaze.

Lila leads me, Zahra, and Quinn to the ballroom. It is as beautiful and ornate as I expected a ballroom at a Rourke International resort to be, with crystal chandeliers, skylights, ivory painted walls, and soft blue carpet with an elaborate interweaving design like Celtic knotwork. The dais at the head of the room features a wood archway decorated with irises, lilies and roses of all colors, and some flowers I don't even recognize. More flowers, ribbons, and garlands decorate the walls and the chairs surrounding the tables set up on the carpet that surrounds the dancefloor like the sea around an island.

“...Looks like they were in the middle of a wedding.”

“Oh, good,” Zahra mutters. “Alodia is here to state the obvious. Dunno how we would've coped without that.”

I feel a smirk tug at the corner of my mouth. “You like being the jerk, huh?”

“Wow, two in a row. You're on a roll.”

“What could've happened here?” Lila murmurs. “Everything's perfectly intact. The champagne's poured, the flowers arranged...”

“Just no people,” Quinn finishes.

“Maybe the bride realized that the institution of marriage is a joke and hightailed it outta here,” Zahra says. Lila gives her a look that is almost wounded.

“Marriage? A joke?”

I cast my eye over the beautiful set up. “Weddings like this don't mean a thing without true love,” I say almost to myself. “It's nice to have a big, beautiful ceremony, but as long as you're with your soulmate, who cares?”

Quinn smiles at me. “You really think that?”

I smile back. “Doesn't everyone?”

Zahra snorts. “At first I thought you were a captive of the marital-industrial complex, but it turns out you're even more of a sap. You believe in soulmates.”

“Guilty as charged,” I say with a shrug.

Zahra reaches for a bottle of white wine from the table nearest to her and pops the cork.

“Zahra!” Lila chides her, “that does not belong to us!”

“Gonna report me?” Zahra asks, pouring herself a glass. “To who exactly? Gimme a break. Last I checked, this was still a vacation.”

She fills another glass and offers it to me. I shrug and take the glass, clinking it against hers and taking a sip. Delicate, fruity sweetness floods my mouth, resting gently on my tongue before slipping down my throat with a warmth that just slightly tips into alcoholic burning.

“Woooah...I did not realize wine could be that good...”

“That is some seriously good stuff,” Zahra agrees. “They must've spent outta control on this.”

I offer Quinn my glass. “Wanna sip?”

“Oh, what the hell. Might never have the chance again, right?” She takes the glass. For a moment she tips it back and forth, watching the golden-yellow liquid ebb and flow against the sides of the glass before taking a swallow. She pauses, considering the flavor with a thoughtful expression, looking like an experienced vintner. After delicately smacking her lips once or twice, the takes the bottle from Zahra. She studies the label, and her eyes go wide.

“Look at this label! This wine was from 1922!”

“Zahra!” Lila shrieks. “You just uncorked an eight-hundred-dollar bottle of wine!”

Zahra burps. “Meh. It wasn't that good.”

“Hang on! Look!” I am already darting from table to table examining the other wine bottles. “Every bottle on every table at this wedding is pre-1924!”

“Who would spend that much on wine?”

Zahra raises her index finger like a cartoon detective. “The answer, as for most baffling questions, is 'crazy rich people'.”

Quinn looks askance at her for a moment before shaking her head dismissively. “Not sure what else we're going to find here, but we should probably head back and see what the others found.”

“Whatever,” Zahra says with a shrug. “But I'm bringing the booze.”

Everyone is already back in the lobby when we get there. I rejoin Diego.

“Find anything by the pool?”

“Nope. No one there. So much for the cabana boys,” he sighs. Then he grins. “But Aleister totally freaked out when Grace was nice to him.”

“We found something in the restaurant!” Craig annouces. “Well, kind of. It was on the volcano. But it was there...and then it was like...not!”

The rest of us stare at him for a long moment. Then Sean clears his throat.

“It was a light. Or something reflecting sunlight. It must have been rotating because we saw it in intervals.”

“We basically stumbled onto a wedding straight out of the Roaring Twenties,” Quinn says. “But...no people there, either.”

I notice Aleister standing off by himself. He is looking up at a towering painting of a goateed man in a brown suit, holding a sword of emerald. I feel my blood tingling in my veins again. I know his face. ...I've seen it leering down at me as I teetered on the edge of a volcano.

You don't understand, do you? Of course not. But you will...in time.

“Aleister...who is that?”

“Hrn? Oh...Alodia...That's Everett Rourke. C.E.O of Rourke International. The man who built this resort.”

“Rourke. ...I think I've seen him before.”

“Hmmph. Who hasn't? Visionary...genius...conquerer of every industry...” He looks up at the painting with what can only be described as bitter disdain. “I still think he looks like a fool.”

He turns and marches off, bumping right into Grace.

“Grace, I...uh...” He scowls. “Just watch where you're going!”

He brushes past her. Grace watches him go with such a wounded look that I can't help putting an arm around her. She looks up at me.

“Alodia, can we talk for a second? You seem like someone I can trust...”

“What is it? If it's about Aleister, I don't think you should take it personally. He--”

“No, no, it's not that...it's...” She shakes her head. “No...never mind. Sorry. I should go.”

I take my arm off her, studying her for a moment.

“...Alright...But if you've got a secret, I'm pretty good at keeping secrets. ...But if you don't want to share it, that's all right, too.”

“...It...it is?”

“Sure. I trust if it's something important, you'll share it eventually.”

Grace pauses, biting her lip. Then, she pulls something from under her sweater.

“...I found this out by the pool. It was right by the fence. And the bars there were...twisted.”

I look at what she's showing me. It's a tooth. A massive, pointed tooth that she can just barely close her small hand around. My breath catches in my throat.

“Oh, my God! It's gotta be a foot long!”

“Whatever this came from, its big. ...I didn't want to share it because I was afraid it would scare everyone. The way it scared me. But...we're all in this together, and everyone should know.”

We gather the others to show them Grace's find.

“No way,” Jake breathes. “There's nothing with teeth that size these days. It has to be a fossil, right?” He looks around for confirmation from the rest of us, but no one is quite sure what to make of it.

“So...after all this,” Sean says, “we're saying we still have no idea where the staff and guests went?”

“All we've got is more questions,” Quinn concedes.

“So...what do we do now?” Zahra asks.

“You go to bed.” We all turn at the voice coming from behind us. The girl in the blue hoodie has reappeared. “Night is falling. You should all get some rest.”

“What is she?” Deigo whispers to me. “The Cheshire Cat?”

“Nope. Not nearly smiley enough,” I whisper back.

“Estela!” Lila exclaims. “There you are! Where have you been?”

“Looking around,” she says in an accent I can't quite place. “Same as you.”

“Did you find anything?” Michelle asks.

“Nothing that matters to you people.”

“Shouldn't you let us decide that?” I mutter.

She pins me with her piercing gaze. “...We've all got secrets.” She turns away and vaults the check-in desk, where she snatches a room key off the wall. “Like I said. Night is falling. I suggest you get some rest. You will need it.”

Without another word, she marches down the hall, leaving the rest of us in bewildered silence.

“...What the hell was that supposed to mean?” Sean mutters.

“Think she means it's nighttime, bro,” Craig quips.

“Well,” Lila says, “it is getting late, and we'll want to be ready to greet everyone when they return from...wherever. Please take the key to your assigned room from behind the desk.”

“Assigned?” Zahra scoffs. “Yeah right!”

She climbs behind the desk and selects a key shaped like a queen chess piece from a higher spot on the wall. She grins at us and twirls the keyring on her index finger.

“Hotel's empty, right? I'm taking a penthouse suite!”

Jake shrugs and grabs a decorative key for himself. “Don't mind if I do.”

Some of the others follow suit. Diego looks thoughtfully at the wall of keys.

“Gonna give yourself an upgrade, Allie?”

“Ah, what the hell.” I grab a key with a palm-tree shaped head. “You only live once, right?”

“Guess so.” He grabs one with a head shaped like a fish. “...What do you think this one is?”

I grin. “Only one way to find out. Come on, let's stash our stuff.”

We ride the elevator to the penthouse level and head towards our respective rooms. I turn the key in the lock and push open the door. I am immediately hit with the scent of clean linen and carpet with just a touch of dust that permeates every hotel room I have ever been in. But there's another scent on top of it this time, something fresher and more natural. When I turn on the light, I see it probably has something to do with the tree in the center of the room that runs through the middle of a circular wooden table in the center of the room, and the vine garlands that run over the stone walls and wind around the pillars. Two rope hammocks form a right angle of sorts around the table.

The bathroom is done all in stone, making it look like a cave. Even the toilet is made to look like stone, although thankfully the lid and the seat are properly sanded wood. The shower is stone on all sides, except for the frosted glass door. There's also a deep hot tub, also decorated to look stone so that it resembles a pool at the bottom of a waterfall.

Slipping off my sandles, I let my feet sink into the plush mottled green and brown carpet and make my way into the bedroom, where amidst more vines and what looks like tribal masks hanging on the walls, a queen-sized canopy bed and stone nightstands wait for me. The whole suite's ceiling is a painted canopy of leaves, permeated by soft golden light that leaves dappled patterns on the objects beneath.

A knock on the door makes my heart quicken. I take a moment to peek at myself in the mirror and smooth my shirt before I open the door.

Deigo waits on the other side. “What's up?”

“Oh! Hi, Diego.”

He grins that knowing grin of his. “Expecting someone else?”

“What? No, I...”

“Yeah, uh-huh, sure.” He slings an arm over my shoulders. “I know you too well, Allie. If you're crushing on someone here, I'm gonna figure out who it is eventually. So you may as well tell me.”

“Oh, why would I spoil the fun of trying to figure it out for you?”

“Fair enough. Well, from the way you were making eyes, the gorgeous redhead is the most likely candidate right now. But the heart-stoppingly handsome Sean Gayle could also be a contender. Or...maybe the pilot with the bedroom eyes? He seems keen on you.”

I poke his temple. “Not telling. Too early to tell.”

When I shut the door, he seems to remember that he is in my room and looks around, whistling lowly.

“In the words of that old dude from Indiana Jones, you chose wisely. Is it too late to trade?”

“You snooze, you lose, pal. ...What did the fish key give you?”

“Coral Reef room.”

“That...actually sounds pretty cool.”

“It's not bad. The walls are aquariums. I like aquariums.” He wanders into the bedroom and bellyflops onto my bed. “Ohh, but this is nice. Especially at the end of a day like today.”

I flop down beside him and ruffle his hair. “Hey...what do you think is going on here?”

He rolls over onto his back, lacing his fingers behind his head. “Well, I know this is only because I watch an unhealthy amount of movies...but remember how I was saying I wanted this week to be an adventure? One that will stay with us forever? Maybe...just maybe, the universe is finally listening.” He shakes his head, laughing at himself. “Of course, given my luck with the universe, I'll probably be back to reality, getting bullied again come morning.”

His words make my heart squeeze. Diego puts up a goofy, irreverent front, even with me, but I'm also probably the only person who's ever allowed to see how vulnerable and insecure he really is—how much the years of vicious bullies, cruel slurs, and more than one broken heart have made him afraid to reveal too much of himself. All our lives, I've seen them mock him. I've heard them call him every ugly name in the book, attacking him for his race, his class, his sexuality, his shy and gentle nature. All our lives, I've been the one who's had his back when the bullies laid into him, and I've been the one to hold him when he's cried afterward. And these days, I think I'm the only one who really gets to see that beneath that layer of fear and insecurity, there is a kind, courageous, loyal, talented, creative, fucking beautiful soul that the world should be a lot more grateful for. Without Diego, I wouldn't have made it as far as I have. Without his pure love, loneliness would have crushed me a long time ago.

...I hate his bullies. I am terrified that they will break him one day. And I swore a long time ago that I would never let that happen.

“I think sometimes you've got to force the universe to listen,” I say. It's as close as I can get to voicing my true thoughts right now. ...And if you can't force it alone, Diego, I'll help. Always. You are my brother. You were my family when no one else would be...

He laughs. “And you say I'm the ridiculous one.”

“You are.” My retort earns me a pillow in my face. Probably well-deserved. But I still grab a pillow to retaliate. As I do, I hear the soft sound of something small falling behind the bed. I pause and turn to see what it is. I bend over the side of the bed and pick up a folded piece of paper.

“...Was that under the pillow?”

The paper is yellowed with age, and the edges are worn. I unfold it carefully and find a note written in elegant, looping script:

I must see you one last time before tomorrow. Meet me at our spot in Neptune Cove. Midnight.

“Sealed with a kiss,” I say, pointing to the lipstick print beneath the writing.

“Intriguing. Sounds like a steamy rendezvous. Neptune Cove's on the other side of the island. It's supposed to be real secluded and romantic. ...Hey, could that be where everyone went?”

“Wouldn't be much of a steamy rendezvous with an entire hotel's worth of guests watching. Besides, this letter looks like it's years old.”

“...But it was just sitting there under your pillow. ...This room doesn't look like it's been empty for years.”

“Maybe it belongs to one of the housekeeping staff? A memento from a grandparent or something that got dropped.”

Diego opens his mouth to respond, but he's interrupted by more knocking at the door. I get up and open the door.

“What up, what up, what uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup!” Craig bellows, striding into the room. Followed by most of my classmates carrying bottles. “Wooooooah, sweet digs, Alodia!”

“We're heading to the pool for a rage,” Raj announces. “That's right! It's a Raj Rage!”

“...I thought we were all going to sleep.”

“We've got all the time in the world to sleep,” Zahra scoffs.

“Shots up!” Raj crows.

Diego nudges me and points out the window. I look down and see the rest of our classmates out by the pool, stringing up party lights. He grins at me.

“Hell yes. I was so hoping this would happen.”

“I don't know. It's pretty late...”

“Come on, Allie. We promised we would make the most of this trip. Every moment's a chance to find love, find a new adventure...maybe even find yourself.”

I can't help grinning. Affectionately mussing his hair feels like satisfying an itch. “All right, but only because you're too damn charming when you get philosophical.”

“All riiiiiiiight!” Raj yells, and starts chanting, “Alodia! Alodia!”

Craig picks up the chant. “Alodia! Alodia!”

Zahra rolls her eyes. “Fine...Alodia! Alodia!”

“Enough!” I laugh. “My name doesn't exactly make for a graceful chant!”

“It's a very graceful name, though,” Sean remarks, smiling at me.

“All right, stud,” Diego laughs, moving to usher everyone out, “save the flirting for when she's gotten into a bathing suit. And on that note, we should give her some privacy so she can do that.”

I swap my shorts and tank top for my black bikini with the neon firework print. Not my most elegant, but one of the sexiest I own. I run a comb through my honey-blonde hair, debate for a moment whether to pull it back, and decide against it. I head down to the pool, where Grace and Quinn are nearly finished stringing up the party lights all around the pool area. Like my bathroom, the pool is decorated all in stone. It even has a waterfall at the deep end. Upbeat pop music floats out from the speakers, loud enough to get in the blood without drowning out conversation.

“Oh, look who's come to join us!” Grace waves to me. I head over, admiring the job they've done with the lights.

“Love what you've done with the place. Where did you find the lights?”

“In the supply shed by the towels,” Quinn says. “And Grace rewired the circuits to make the lights sync with the music!”

“Not bad. Not bad at all.”

Behind the poolside bar, Jake is shaking up cocktails. He slides a bloody mary over to Diego and gets started on the next one.

“How'd they rope you into tending bar?” Diego asks after taking a sip. “You lose a bet?”

“Ha! As if I've ever lost a bet! You should have seen the kind of drinks these maniacs were pouring.” He jerks his head at Craig. “Drax over here just filled his to the brim with cinnamon whiskey.”

“What? I call it the Aggro-Craig. It's my go-to.”

Jake finishes the cocktail he's mixing and slides it to Craig. “Try that.”

Craig eyes it suspiciously for a moment before taking a swig. His eyes go wide. “Wha...Woah! That just blew my mind!”

“It's called a Sazerac. Consider yourself enlightened.”

I put my elbows on the bar. “Can I get something?”

“I'm gonna be pouring drinks all night, aren't I? Okay, Princess, what's your poison?”

“Here's a challenge for you. Make a new drink inspired by me.”

He smiles thoughtfully. “Inspired by you, huh? Hmm...” He gives me a long, searching look. “Okay, I think I've got something.”

He turns around and gets to mixing, preparing it under the bar so I can't see what he's adding. He brings up a martini glass filled with a multicolored liquid, garnished with sugar on the rim and a slice of orange. I take a sip and smack my lips.

“Huh. That's all over the place. Salty and sweet, tangy and bitter, dry and fruity...”

“Yeah. It doesn't know what it wants to be just yet. But I think it has the potential to be anything.”

In spite of myself, I feel myself blush. “That's...surprisingly thoughtful.”

“You had to qualify that with 'surprisingly,' huh?” he teases. “I can't be 'typically' thoughtful?”

“Nope. Now it's your turn.”

“My turn?”

“Other side of the bar, Top Gun. I'm making you a drink now.”

“Ah, hell. I have a bad feeling about this.”

But he comes around the bar and takes my seat. I slip behind the bar and salt a martini glass. I grin at Jake as I mix a bit of this and that and top the concoction off with an olive. I slide it over to him. He picks up the glass and looks at the cloudy mixture inside.

“...Looks okay.” He takes a sip and coughs. “Gah! Looks good, but wow, is that bitter. That's a drink that has people making very bad decisions.”

“Exactly. Why do you think I call it the Jake?”

He grabs the bar towel and flicks it at me. “Oh, you think you're funny, do you? That's it! You're cut off! Get out of here!”

I laugh and scoop up my drink, wandering over to the lounge chairs where Diego has made himself comfortable. He passes me a skewer of grilled shrimp and vegetables.

“You've got to try one of these. Raj made them.”

I slip a mushroom off the end and pop it into my mouth. I squish it between my molars, and tangy juice floods my mouth, blending with the perfect mix of spices that coats its surface. “Oh, my GOD that is amazing!”

“I know, right? Next Memorial Day, let's get Raj to cook the burgers.”

“Oh, come on! That was weeks ago! Am I ever going to live that down?”

He grins. “Sure you will. When I stop finding bits of charred burger meat on my dental floss.”

I point the skewer at him like a sword. “En guarde! You'll pay for such slander, knave!”

“Hey! Who's up for Marco Polo?” Sean is in the water with his arms propped on the edge of the pool.

Diego points at me. “She is! She is! Seriously, make her play before she skewers me!”

“Well, Alodia? You in?”

“...I'm in.” I put down my skewer. “Diego, you're spared for now.”

“You'll never hurt me. You love me too much.”

I stick out my tongue at him and slip into shallow end of the pool beside Sean. The water temperature is perfect, and I take a moment to savor it as it laps at my belly.

“Fair warning, I'm basically considered the Sean Gayle of Marco Polo.”

“That's high praise,” Sean concedes. “But don't get cocky. I could win this game with my eyes closed!” He mimes a rimshot and strikes an exaggerated pose, waiting for my reaction. I can't help it. I laugh.

“You're lucky you're cute. That's the only reason you get away with bad jokes like that.”

“I made you laugh,” he says triumphantly. “That's all I wanted to hear.”

“Well, Mister Smooth, you can be 'it' then. Let's see if you've got the moves to back up your mouth.”

He obligingly closes his eyes. The rest of us swim around him, evading his outstretched hands. A few “Marco! Polo!” calls and responses lead him in my direction. He dives at me. I lunge right, but he's too quick for me. He slips under the water and wraps his arms around my waist, eliciting a shriek. He brings his head back above the water.

“Gotcha!”

“You got lucky!” I protest.

“Is that so? Think you can catch me?”

“It is so on!”

I swim to the middle of the pool and close my eyes. “Marco!”

“Polo!” comes the chorus of answering voices. I focus on Sean's smooth baritone, coming from my right.

“Marco!”

“Polo!” His voice comes from behind me this time. I turn towards it.

“Marco!”

“Polo!”

There is movement right in front of me. I lunge. My hands slide over Sean's broad chest, slick from the water.

“Ha! Got you!”

He laughs. “All right, all right, you win!”

“Thought you were supposed to be this elusive star quarterback, but I tackled you so easy!”

“Guess you just know how to read me,” he says, giving a smile that makes my knees feel weak. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Michelle glaring at us from a poolside lounge chair.

“...Michelle doesn't look too happy. What's the deal with you two, anyway?”

“We're...” he trails off, closing his eyes. He is silent for a long time.

“...You...don't have to tell me.”

“Look, don't get me wrong. Michelle's great. She's a lot nicer than she comes off. But...” He opens his eyes. “Alodia, have you ever been with someone who's dating an expectation of you, instead of the real thing?”

I think back to a few lovers I left behind at Hartfeld. “...Yeah...I think I know what you mean...”

“It's not her fault. I think she was just raised to care about status. And that means dating the quarterback. Whoever he is.”

“She's lucky he turned out to be a great guy like you. Seriously, the quarterback at my high school in California was an asshole.”

He chuckles. “...Still...I need something different in my life. I don't want to be a symbol. I want to be a person. That's why I wanted to go on this trip. I didn't realize she'd be picked too. But I'm not going to let that stop me from being the real me for a week...from making real connections with people.”

“...How's that going so far?”

He reaches an arm around to scratch the back of his head and beams at me. It's not the TV-ready grin I've seen him flash before. ...This is a shy, genuine sort of smile. This smile does a lot more than make my knees weak.

“Promising,” he says softly. “I'll keep you posted.”

I try to swallow, but my mouth has gone totally dry. “...Promising.”

“...You all right? Your eyes just went really wide all of the sudden.”

I put on a winning smile of my own. “I'm great.”

“Hey, Allie!” Diego calls from the bar. “Come here a sec, will ya?”

“Gotta run, Sean. See ya later?”

“Absolutely.”

I swim over to the side of the pool and hoist myself out. Diego passes me a towel.

“What's up?”

“Look who's kinda sorta shown up.” He directs his gaze to a spot up and over my shoulder. I turn to look at see Estela sitting on a cliff side overlooking the party. She catches my gaze and holds it for a moment, but this time she's the one who looks away.

“...I'm...gonna go talk to her.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I wanna know what she's about.”

“Good luck.”

I slip on my clothes and flipflops and exit the pool area through the gate. I head towards the beach, passing the supply shed and shelves of towels. Back here, the overhead lights flicker, leaving wide pools of darkness. Something else catches my eye. Not only are there towels on the shelves, but there are also at least two dozen woven blankets. Probably for picnics and the like. I grab one and drape it over my shoulders before heading up the path towards the cliff where Estela is sitting with her legs dangling over the edge. She turns sharply as I approach.

“Who's there?” she growls.

“Woah! Hey! It's just me.”

“What do you want?”

“Just thought you might like a little company.” I sigh. This was probably a bad idea. “Sorry to have bothered you.” I turn to leave.

“...Wait. ...Stay...”

I turn back. Her long hair obscures her face, but I think I can see her eyes shimmering. I shrug and come to sit beside her. For a moment, we sit in silence, watching the sea roll against the rocks below. I take the blanket off my shoulders.

“I brought you a blanket...if you're cold.” I hold it out to her, but she recoils, eyeing it suspiciously.

“...Why?”

“...I don't know...to be nice?”

She accepts the blanket and wraps it around her shoulders. “...Thank you.” She turns her gaze skyward. I lean back, propping myself up on my elbows to gaze with her. The stars seem to go on forever here.

“...Where I am from,” she says after a moment, “people don't do things for you without expecting something in return.”

“...Maybe people just want to be liked in return.”

“Isn't that pathetic? How lonely we all are? But at least you're honest about it...”

We sit together in silence for a moment, gazing up at the infinite ceiling of stars. The air is balmy, but a cool breeze blows in from the sea. Cool enough that it makes me shiver.

“...You're cold, too.” She scoots closer and drapes half the blanket over my shoulders. I nestle close to her.

“That was nice of you.”

She smiles in a manner that can only be described as cautious. Two lights that might be shooting stars streak across the sky.

“...Beautiful sky tonight,” I remark. Estela abruptly abandons her place under the blanket, standing sharply.

“I have to go.”

“What? Why? What's wrong?”

“...Look, Alodia. People in my life usually end up being hurt. And I don't mean their feelings.”

“Estela...”

“You seem like a good person. I don't want that to happen to you.” She walks off without another word, disappearing into the darkness.

I am not sure how long I sit there in stunned silence before getting up and wandering back towards the pool. I don't see Estela at the party when I get back. I have no idea where she could have gone.

“Woo! Let's do this!” Craig's bellowing snaps me back to the present. I look up to find him perched at the edge of the nearby gazebo, poised to jump into the pool.

“Craig!” Aleister cries. “That is clearly against pool regulations!”

“Oh, yeah? I don't see anything that says, 'No Badasses Allowed'!”

He takes a flying leap and tucks into a cannonball, slamming into the pool. A tsunami explodes from the spot and soaks everyone standing poolside.

Diego spits out a mouthful of water. “Blah! Pool water!”

I immediately dissolve into helpless giggles. Craig pops his head above the water, whooping triumphantly. That only makes me giggle harder. I double over, clutching my sides.

“I...I'll go get everyone some towels,” I say when I can breathe again.

I go back to the supply shed, stepping carefully in the half-light. I drape one towel after another over my arm, carefully counting out enough for everyone.

Something rustles nearby me. I pause and turn, peering past the fence into the dark rainforest. The bright moonlight can't penetrate the thick canopy. I don't see anything right away. But the rustling comes again. I step a little closer. And then again. I sense movement. A ripple of muscle under flesh and fur, a sinewy shadow...and a pair of golden eyes piercing the darkness.

I scream, staggering backwards. My foot catches something and I tumble hard onto the sand, landing on my back. I hear the sound of rushing feet, and voices calling my name.

“Alodia!” Sean kneels beside me, helping me sit up. “Are you okay?”

Diego is at my other side, his hand on my shoulder. “What happened?”

I can't answer right away. I point a shaking finger at the rainforest past the fence.

“Did you see something?” Quinn asks.

Jake steps a little closer to the fence. “...What was it?”

I am silent a moment. ...Whatever it was, it's not there anymore. The gleaming pair of eyes have vanished.

“I...I have no idea...”

#play choices #choices stories you play #pixelberry choices #Endless Summer #Diego Ricardo Ortiz Soto #jake mckenzie #sean gayle #quinn kelly #estela montoya #raj bhandarkar #michelle nguyen #craig hsiao #zahra namazi #aleister rourke #grace hall #book 1 chapter 2

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cispicious · 3 years

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JUNE 2, 2011

Hey there. I doubt (people will read this) that journals are supposed to be used for advertising, or propoganda about oneself. I'm guessing it's what normal journals are used for: to document the day to day trials of human life. Yea, but I'm not human. So I guess my definition of a journal shall be, "Trials of a Nephal" If you don't know what a Nephal is, ask God. Oh, and in case you're far too lazy - or just don't care about my looks - to go check my pictures, I can give you a short description right here: * I'm the same height as Taylor Momsen, my favorite celebrity. <3 * [redacted because holy shit this was bad] * I'm Jamacain and Scottish, and my hair is a sort of red-brown-blonde color. * [redacted because holy shit this was bad] So, are you looking for a biography of my life? I'm not sure I want to type that much. I guess I'll summarize it and make it even less of a biography by telling you things about myself:

I was born on January 2nd, 1996 in New York. I moved down to Florida with my family when I was 12, and have been here fro three years. (Can you calculate my age?) I'm bisexual, but I lean more towards girls. I may [redacted because holy shit this was bad]. My life revolves around music and sarcasm. My English 2 Honors teacher wrote in my yearbook to never forget the essence of my spark. Lol, no. My teacher's not Taylor Swift. She actually told me to never lose my sarcasm, and who am I to defy a teacher? .... I like to think that I'm humorous enough to start a YouTube webshow, but even though I have an HD Camcorder, I can never find the willpower to do such things. Maybe because I'm really sensitive and insecure, and I doubt I can take the hate comments....right. Anyway. People think I'm a player because of the rather extensive list of people I've been with. Honestly, I used to be a player. I've only been turned down once in my life, and only God knows why. Because it can't be my dashing good looks or humble personality, right? Oh my, looks like I've hit the irony button again. I'm actually in love right now, and I can't tell you who, just in case you jealous bitches go on a rampage.

Anyway, shall I post about my day? I'm in 7th period - Speech and Debate - right now. My friend Barbara and I are the only girls on this side of the room. It's not like we ever do anything in here. We're too effing smart, so we just keep quiet while the bumbling idiots around us try to keep up with the teacher, and stumble over words like oppression. I just showed her that. She laughed. x) Oh, um, the rest of the class is either playing games or watching The Great Debaters. I saw it in 8th grade. I don't need to see it again. The boy, Junior, isn't exactly eye candy. Finals begin tomorrow. Me and my science project parter don't have to take a Biology final, because we won the science project competition. (We - I - made an action movie about the project, pretending to be spies who had to solve the Problem, or else the White House would blow up.) Let's call her Erica. I'm scared to be alone with her, if we have to go to a different room, because she has a crush on me. And she doesn't even know I'm bisexual. She makes people move so she can sit next to me, touches me innapropriately, and told me that she knows that we're supposed to be soulmates. Save me. So here's my question of the day - supposing I write everyday and that any of you care - : What do you do when you want to make someone stop loving you, but you don't want to stop being their friend or hurt their feelings?

JUNE 3RD 2011

I'm only making this 'cause someone's making me. Let's have a recap of my day, shall we? 6:33 - woke up over an hour late. I didn't shower and merely tussled my hair, and I ate breakfast in the car. Got to school on time, despite what my dad thought. Realized I didn't have my Biology textbook which was due today. Panicked for a second, then decided not to give a shutzpah. In Latin 2, I spent like, ten minutes on my final. I had my AE do it for me, then I went to sleep in the chair on the other side of the room. It smelled funkeh. In Biology, I didn't have to take a final so I went to the Media Center with Jackie, and not Erica. Fank chu, Lawd for making her not come. So I sat down in the back, and Jackie - constant bully that she is - made me sit on the floor so that she could read comfortably on the place where I was lounging. It was cold in there. Um, nothing exciting really happened. My sister is annoying the hellzpah out me and I'm gonna kill her. Question of the day: Why isn't it possible to go back in time yet?

JUNE 6TH 2011

Hello, ladies and gents. So, today is the second day of finals and the beginning of the end. That's right. IT'S THE LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL!!!11!!111!! I took my English 2 Honors and Algebra 2 exams earlier today (actually I just finished my Algebra) and I have to say I was dissapointed by the lack of imagination by my teachers. I mean, these tests were a bit too easy- not that anything's wrong with that. But you ever get that feeling that once you believe something to be incredibly easy, turns out you got every damn thing wrong? Yeah. That's how I feel. Anywho, this guy I think is adorkable (and he's a skater, swoon!) opened the door for me and made a cute joke. Now before you say "oh dear Lord is this just another hopeless romantic?" let me tell you that he only does it for me. When anyone else is at the door, he just stares at it like it's the door to Armagaddeon or something. I have a question: Do any of you believe in alter ego's? Do you believe it's possible to seperate your body from yours? (Google!) I have one. My friend named her Cali, don't ask. But if any of you have had encounters with your AE's, PM me. We need to discuss something. But that wasn't my question of the day. The real question is: Is it possible for your Alter Ego to become their own person?

JUNE 7TH 2011

But I set fire to the rain Watched it pour as I touched your face Well, it burned while I cried 'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name When laying with you I could stay there Close my eyes, feel you here forever You and me together, nothing is better 'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true And the games you's play, you would always win, always win I'm in love with this song. I cried hearing this girl sing it. I think I'm in love with her now. WHY CAN'T i HAVE A VOICE LIKE HERS, GOD??????? I'm gonna cry. This song makes me cry. Her voice. So damn angelic. Anyway, about my day: IT SUCKED. The only fun part was during homeroom when we were playing Scrabble, [redacted because holy shit this was bad]. Oh, and I talked to my friend Ella for the first time in months. I swear, I'm just going to keep promoting this girl. I wonder if I can get her number....sigh. If only she had red hair. LAWL. I'm just joking guys. My heart belongs to Caraquel. Yanno, when she wants it. Anywhom Question of the Day: What makes you laugh?

JUNE 8TH 2011

Tomorrow's the last day of school. I finished my Speech and Debate class early, so I'm coming here. I'm about to pour out my feelings here. I'm about to get deep. Like, 6 feet underground deep, brah. So, I think I'm in love. With the fucking world. I have this problem where I love too much. I suppose there's a gap in my heart from not getting enough love when I was a kid, or maybe my brain is just fucked up. I've fallen two feet, I've been dropped, I've had a glass cup of coffee fall on my head all before I finished kindergarten. Maybe that's why my brain is fucked up. There's a lump in my head, and I'm not sure if that's normal. I think it messed up my mouth-brain connection, where I don't say what I think. Like, if I think "Mr. John's class is nice." I'll end up saying. "Mr. John has a nice ass." or something, when the guy is like 1,000 years old and looks like Santa Claus. And the sad thing is- I can never remember saying it. Sometimes I think it's Cali saying these things, and other times I think I'm just special. I love my girlfriend, my ex, and my two best friends. (But I love Cara the most.) I get jealous beyond belief when they so much as mention another person. The thing is, I should only love my girlfriend. 'Cause she's the only one that (I think) even wants to marry me. And that's the only reason I'd ever be interested in a person- because I think they're worth it for the long haul. I really should get over all the others, because they're taken and they don't want me for the long run. They want me for the here and now, I guess. Or maybe they want me for the here and now so they can see what they'd be getting in the long run. I'm so confused and I'm hurting, but I just can't stop loving. My girlfriend's favorites on Twitter are chock full of gay boys telling her they love her. And I get jelly because I'm the first - and only - girl she's ever liked ('cause I'm just that rockin') but she could probably change their sexualities. My best friend, Cara, I just...I just love her. I'm crying right now IN EFFING PUBLIC because of how much it would kill me to not have her in my life, to not have her love. And if you are reading this Caraquel, I love you. I love you. I know Cali said she was helping me get over you, but I don't think it's possible. Every time I think about you...it's not possible to live without you. But yeah. I need to get my cranium checked. This just ain't realistic. I mean, whenever my friends come to me about their relationship problems, I think "Oi, if only it were possible for me to love you all." but mostly because I hate it when they cry over some chick who doesn't give two flying shits about anyone but herself. So, my questions of the day are: Is it possible to have fucked up the love gland in your brain? Is it possible to love more than one person? Is it possible to die from heartbreak?

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entergamingxp · 4 years

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DualShockers’ Favorite Games of 2019 — Rachael’s Top 10

December 31, 2019 4:00 PM EST

There were plenty of games of 2019 that I enjoyed immensely, but if I had to pick just 10, here were my favorites of the year.

As 2019 comes to a close, DualShockers and our staff are reflecting on this year’s batch of games and what were their personal highlights within the last year. Unlike the official Game of the Year 2019 awards for DualShockers, there are little-to-no-rules on our individual Top 10 posts. For instance, any game — not just 2019 releases — can be considered.

Here we are again at the end of another great gaming year. Even though we didn’t see as many huge titles like Red Dead Redemption 2, Marvel’s Spider-Man, or God of War as seen in 2018, my year has been packed full of some amazing titles regardless. Thankfully, I didn’t have to solely rely on AAA games to have a great gaming experience, as this year we saw many fantastic indies that included Untitled Goose Game, Outer Wilds, Lost Ember, My Friend Pedro, to name a few. This only goes to prove how far independent studios have come along, and how they have firmly made their mark within the gaming industry.

As a gamer, I’m very open to what I will play – which is probably a good thing in this business. As you’ll tell from my diverse list, I’m not afraid to jump into whatever piques my interest. That may be from the adorable and cutesy, to the dark and twisted underbelly of the video games universe. As much as I love experiencing all areas of gaming, there’s one factor that always calls me home, and that’s immersive storytelling. I don’t think there’s a feeling in the world like sitting back and getting completely lost within a world interwoven in an amazingly captivating narrative. Since the start of time, humans have used storytelling as a way to connect to others, to bring people closer together and how the world is right now, there couldn’t be a more apt time to continue this tradition in the games we play.

As we slide into 2020, I’m excited to uncover what’s in store for me – especially with my most anticipated game mere months away, The Last of Us Part II. But until then, allow me to share with you what has been my Top 10 games of 2019. Let me tell you, it wasn’t easy to narrow it down to just 10!

10. Sayonara Wild Hearts

Sayonara Wild Hearts is a beautifully crafted piece of kit. It oozes bags of appeal and a refreshing, upbeat soundtrack that accompanied the game’s style perfectly. Other than its eye-popping visuals, the underlying story of heartbreak made this short, heart-pumping title really stand out.

I played it all in one go from start to finish and since then, I’ve been recommending gamers to give this unique and worthwhile title a try. On a side note: Queen Latifah’s voice is the epitome of ASMR.

Check out DualShockers‘ review for Sayonara Wild Hearts.

9. Divinity: Original Sin II

Unfortunately, I didn’t get the chance to play this game when it first released back in 2017 but when I saw that it was releasing on the Nintendo Switch, I knew that I had to play it. Divinity: Original Sin II is acclaimed to be one of the best western-style RPGs ever made, with stellar writing, voice acting, and brilliantly crafted tactical combat, and I couldn’t agree more.

The Switch’s small screen in handheld mode is perfect to get up close and personal with the bucket loads of action and endless, compelling dialogue. Divinity: Original Sin II’s emotion-wrought fantasy world really does make it one of the finest RPG games of recent years.

Check out DualShockers‘ review forDivinity: Original Sin II on Nintendo Switch.

8. Mosaic

Over the past few years, I’ve seen a rise in talking about mental health in video games. I love that we are now more open and free to discuss these issues that affect so many of us, and that developers are willing to take this on and adapt it to their games.

Mosaic offers a painstakingly realistic look under the heavy covers of depression and burnout in the workplace. I applaud that Krillbite Studio made no apologizes as they dove head-on in tackling these difficult subjects in Mosaic. Its cruelly dark and, at times, hard to play because of how authentic the main character plays out his troubles. But this is, in my opinion, when you know you’ve made a great game; when the player feels what you’re portraying.

Check out DualShockers‘ review for Mosaic (by me!).

7. Planet Zoo

When it comes to management sims, I tend to get a little overwhelmed with how much you have to do. You almost have to divide yourself into a million pieces to just stay afloat, but thankfully Planet Zoo offered much more manageable gameplay that I thoroughly enjoyed.

With its plentiful tutorials and smart UI, I spent hours taking care of all the zoo’s creatures, and who doesn’t want to care for a baby lion cub? Frontier Developments also tackled important educational and conservation topics throughout, which gave me bags of insight into each species. If you’re looking for a management sim that won’t take hours just to know what you’re supposed to be doing or kill every brain cell due to an overload of tasks, Planet Zoo may be the one for you.

Check out DualShockers‘ review for Planet Zoo by me, again.

6. My Friend Pedro

My Friend Pedro made me feel like I was actually really good at games. It made me feel like Neo from The Matrix with its slow-motion gunplay and super crazy stunts that offered one hell of an adrenaline-filled ride.

From barrel riding to swinging off chains to achieve the ultimate stunt-shot, My Friend Pedro provided me hours of entertainment. I was a bad-ass ninja on a skateboard with a talking banana; what’s not to love?

Check out DualShockers’ review for My Friend Pedro.

5. Life is Strange 2

This tale of brotherly love between Sean and Daniel Diaz begins as they try and flee America to start a new life in Mexico, and it hooked me from the get-go. Sure, it was a little slow in the beginning but it soon picked up steam and turned into a goldmine of storytelling.

What I appreciated most about Life is Strange 2 is how deeply it resonated with me in how well it addressed a lot of the current political and social issues we see in America today. Dontnod Entertainment obviously went to great lengths to make the player feel and care about what happened to these brothers, and for that, they have my respect. I’m really looking forward to knowing more about their next game, Tell Me Why – my guess is that it will be another emotionally hard-hitting adventure, and I’m totally here for that.

Check out DualShockers‘ review for the first episode of Life is Strange 2.

4. Concrete Genie

What can I say about this wholesome and charming game? I feel like it would be better to take my heart out and let it tell you, because that’s where I’ve stored everything that has touched me from this beautiful title. Concrete Genie throws you into the shoes of Ash, a young sensitive boy you loves to paint. When his town gets consumed by a dark, negative force coupled with some bullies set to make his life harder, Ash goes on an adventure where he meets the most adorable genies and together, they right so many wrongs.

Just before playing this game, I was going through a rough patch in life, so jumping into this adorably endearing title made that period much more bearable – I honestly couldn’t stop smiling throughout my entire time playing it. If you’re looking for something that will lift your spirits throughout these winter months, consider Concrete Genie. I dare you not to fall in love with Luna.

3. Luigi’s Mansion 3

I sometimes tend to lean towards games that are pretty dark and sinister, but as you can start to tell from this list – I’m trying to change that. In freshening up my game playing habits more, I found myself wanting to give Luigi’s Mansion 3 on the Nintendo Switch a shot and boy, am I thankful that I gave this game a chance.

There’s so much to love in the third installment of the adventure series that lets Mario’s chicken-livered twin Luigi take control. The graphics in Luigi’s Mansion 3 are a kaleidoscope of beauty that pops straight from the beginning, and in my opinion, the best graphics currently on the Nintendo Switch. Coupled with impressive animation, fun levels, and acute attention to detail, this game was an absolute pleasure to play. I honestly have never had so much fun hoovering in all my life – just ask Chrissy Teigen.

Check out DualShockers‘ review for Luigi’s Mansion 3.

2. A Plague Tale: Innocence

In case you didn’t know this about me, I love games where I must fight to stay alive, so here I am again getting sucked into a world where I have to go head-to-head with forces that wants me dead – sounds charming doesn’t it? This time I’m running from rats in this deeply somber tale of the evil that scurries in the dark, and it’s not just the rats, FYI.

What I loved most about A Plague Tale is the narrative between the two siblings, Amicia and Hugo de Rune, who are thrown into a dangerous world where all they have are each other to rely on. Amicia, who constantly has to reassure her little brother Hugo, and Hugo constantly asking a barrage of questions is so life-like that you almost forget you’re playing a video game due to how well Asobo Studio cultivated the relationship between them both. A Plague Tale: Innocence will propel you into a broken and terrifying world, but also remind you that beneath the cruelty of its environment, a deeply set unconditional love story between a brother and sister waits to be uncovered.

Check out DualShockers‘ review for A Plague Tale: Innocence by yours truly.

1. Days Gone

From its very first reveal at Sony’s E3 2016 panel, Days Gone had me hook, line and sinker. As I’ve already stated, there’s something immediately appealing to me about apocalyptic survival games, (hello, The Last of Us). Whether it’s a metaphor from my own internal struggles, I’m not sure, but what I do know is that trying to stay alive in a world that wants to swallow you whole captivates me on a whole other level.

Days Gone has a meaningful and varied narrative with just the right amount of pain, hope, and unexpected surprises to keep you glued to your seat the entire ride. Bend Studio crafted something personal and unique to them where they invited players to enter this world with an open heart and a little patience, where only then would your gaming experience really pay off in this stellar title.

The story is rich and meaty with a wide array of diverse characters you meet on your journey around Oregon’s beautiful landscapes, with countless areas you can interact with and explore. I’ve even found myself mindlessly riding my drifter bike for hours from one end of the map to the other, merely to soak in the scenery – the lakes, mountains, and forests are breathtakingly beautiful that I’ve already filled up a lot of space on my PS4 with the games built-in photo mode. Hats off to Bend Studio on this epic adventure; I can’t wait to experience what’s next from the studio.

Check out DualShockers‘ review for Days Gone by – yep you’ve guessed it.

Before you leave, I’d like to share some Honorable Mentions that didn’t quite make my top 10:

Untitled Goose Game – What a cute little asshole.

Disco Elysium – I haven’t yet finished this game but so far, I’m finding it really enjoyable with a cracking narrative.

Hearthstone – I finally dove into this online digital collectible card game at the start of 2019 and in my opinion, it’s the best card game out there.

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare multiplayer: this is where I go to release some pent up frustration. There’s nothing quite like finding unique ways to kill strangers online.

Death Stranding – I’m still peeing and pooping my way around this strange world. It may or may not fall into my Top 10 in 2020, but as of right now, it’s unsettling and addictive for reasons that are beyond my comprehension at present.

Check out the rest of the DualShockers staff Top 10 lists and our official Game of the Year Awards:

December 23: DualShockers Game of the Year Awards 2019 December 25: Lou Contaldi, Editor-in-Chief // Logan Moore, Managing Editor December 26: Tomas Franzese, News Editor // Ryan Meitzler, Features Editor December 27: Mike Long, Community Manager // Scott White, Staff Writer December 28: Chris Compendio, Contributor // Mario Rivera, Video Manager // Kris Cornelisse, Staff Writer December 29: Scott Meaney, Community Director // Allisa James, Senior Staff Writer // Ben Bayliss, Senior Staff Writer December 30: Cameron Hawkins, Staff Writer // David Gill, Senior Staff Writer // Portia Lightfoot, Contributor December 31: Iyane Agossah, Senior Staff Writer // Michael Ruiz, Senior Staff Writer // Rachael Fiddis, Contributor January 1: Ricky Frech, Senior Staff Writer // Tanner Pierce, Staff Writer

December 31, 2019 4:00 PM EST

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2019/12/dualshockers-favorite-games-of-2019-rachaels-top-10/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=dualshockers-favorite-games-of-2019-rachaels-top-10

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