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hongkongartman-mlee · 1 year

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The Biggest Music Hero In The History Of Hong Kong, Master Joseph Koo Ka-fai—Our Quiet Friendship And The 2 Great Lessons Given by him

Music that has no past, neither has present…nor future.

The first phonograph record was released in Hong Kong in the 1930s. Cantonese opera ditties and folk songs were popular in those days. Honouring the old music masters of Hong Kong like heroes is the gesture that we can show for all the hard work and sacrifices which they did for our city in the past.

The greatest pop music master of Hong Kong Joseph Koo(顧嘉煇), born in 1931, passed away in Canada in 2023 at the ripe old age of 92. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. God will never abandon his family and friends, and shall provide them with love to take place of sorrow.

During Master Koo’s golden days, singers in Hong Kong could not afford to lose face without one and would bide their time to wait for a song written by him. He wrote more than 1,200 songs for the history of Hong Kong covering the time periods of 1960s, 70s, 80s, 90s and 2000s. His first published song is called ‘Dream’(夢) as the theme song for the movie Love Without End(不了情) in 1961. His music touches people of Hong Kong emotionally, straight from the heart. His powerful songs produce a kind of pleasure and satisfaction which we cannot do without. They have become the spiritual language in our city. His most popular song ‘Below the Lion Rock’(獅子山下), almost the city anthem of Hong Kong, is a homage that, generation after generation, will be preserved here.

The medal of Gold Bauhinia Star(GBS) was awarded by Hong Kong government in 2015 to Master Koo for his distinguished music contributions of a very high degree of merit to the community. My femtor who initiated the heart-warming efforts to procure such an honour for Master Koo upon his retirement has also vanished gracefully from the political scene of Hong Kong. Time and tide wait for no man. I feel grey too, in whatever meaning of the word.

Master Koo was much older than me. It was not contrived circumstances that brought us together. About 20 years ago, I met him accidentally in the backstage area of a concert presented by Hong Kong Philharmonic Orchestra in the 2000s. We chatted and had a lot of shared life experience. People of two widely different age groups thus started to reach out to each other. He had his circle of pop music friends and I mainly came across people in the legal and fine art sectors. Yet, true friends were those whom trust came by and conversations could bring out our shared fun and understanding. Master Koo and I were like spices and we added flavours to each other’s life, intersecting as much as interacting.

I told him how I became a lawyer despite my dream of being a writer. He told me why he chose music instead of painting as his career. I told him why I left TVB station as a part-time scriptwriter in the 1980s. He told me how he joined TVB as their Music Director after studying in the Berklee College of Music in the 1960s. I told him I would present a play pertinent to our classic Cantonese opera The Purple Harpin(紫釵記). He told me he was asked to write a book which would be a mixture of autobiography and his songs. But, he hesitated as he felt tired of taking up such a task.

Master Koo travelled regularly between Hong Kong and his second home in Vancouver. When he was in Hong Kong, I would invite him to have a cup of coffee in a quiet local City Garden Hotel in North Point—only 2 of us, since he and I lived in 2 drastically different social circles and we had no close friends in common to be invited. We talked about art, culture, life and Hong Kong—why quality music was in a decline and how people could get hold of their dreams in the midst of all of that social instability in which we were living. Master was taciturn but very ready to bounce ideas off me.

My regular talks with Master Koo remind me of a world famous book Tuesdays with Morrie, first published in 1997, except that ours is a happy but not sad story. In that book, Mitch Albom, the author, visited his former college professor Morrie Schwartz regularly and Morrie taught him the practice of forgiveness. Master Koo taught me in a slightly different way: not everything in life was within our control and not letting go would not change our fate. Giving ourselves more time to enjoy peace and self-pampering would be the true meaning of freedom of life: the freedom of lifestyle and the freedom of not meeting the irrelevant people, no matter good, bad or ugly. He practised what he preached. After announcing formally his retirement in 2015, he cut off a lot of social contacts and devoting more time to himself and family only was the most agreeable way of fulfilling the remaining days of his life. He painted a lot, mostly about the scenic beauty around him. He enjoyed internet surfing which, like music, would let him spread his wings and soar into the air of an artist’s imagination. He still made songs, not for any commercial reason but only pleasing his creative vitality. For Master Koo, sedentariness would mean happy humility after a superstar like him fading away.

I learnt 2 life lessons from Master Koo and they are invaluable and worth cherishing. He told me that it was important not to live life on purpose but live life by accident. Luck was just a matter of hard work meeting opportunity. During World War II, he got no proper education and was forced by circumstances to become a nightclub pianist. He never gave up. He tried to be the best nightclub musician and so when the provost of Berklee College of Music stayed in Hong Kong for a short while and spotted his talent, he was offered a scholarship to study music. He was poor with a family to support. Master Koo was fortunate to get the surprising generous monetary gift from the movie tycoon Sir Run Run Shaw(邵逸夫) through his senior singer friend Mona Fong(方逸華). He completed his music education in Boston and returned to Hong Kong to work as the Music Director of TVB, the biggest television station in Hong Kong. He thrived on overcoming obstacles and deadlines and finally became the most successful music composer in the history of Hong Kong. Master Koo warmly smiled, “When an opportunity arises to test yourself, try to imagine it is also good luck and you must pick a course which may mean improving your life, no matter how many hardships that you will endure!”

He also taught me that human beings were tiny and feeble. We could not resist the acts of God. He sighed, “People liked to compliment me on my ‘great’ achievements. I don’t feel the same. My life is just a chronicle of the social milieu and cultural circumstance of Hong Kong existent in the 1960s to 1980s. During those days, the majority of the population in Hong Kong, a small city, got chiefly TV as their entertainment and this was why so many people could be familiar with my songs written for TV drama. Now, Hong Kong is part of a much bigger country and Asia too. It is no longer easy for a small city to start trends and we have to follow trends. Music fads come and go and we, as pop musicians, could only identify what trends to listen to and what trends to stay away from. No music piece is timeless unless our work, despite the trend, also embraces our own unique style which is about how you carry yourself in order to stand out.”

There are too many inspiring stories told by Master Koo that I want to share. He told stories about himself inside his own soul. Beautifully, his stories inspire me partially what I am today as a writer. We all learn and build ourselves out of stories of others, especially stories from a great hero like Master Koo who is the epitome of taste, wisdom and etiquette.

Look up at the sky. I saw clouds. There was a cloud which must be Master Koo. I miss this charming old gentleman Master Joseph Koo very much—sitting in solitude now, I want to be reticent and still like Master. Busy life at a certain stage of life can be meaningless. Calm yourself, get to feel your inner voice and listen to the song that Master Koo loves very much—‘Heart will Brush Aside’ (忘盡心中情)…

Maurice Lee

Chinese Version 中文版: https://www.patreon.com/posts/ji-shou-wo-he-gu-79042995?utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copyLink&utm_campaign=postshare_creator&utm_content=join_link

1st song composed by Master Joseph Koo: “Dream” https://youtu.be/jmxwrQdaLMA Acknowledgement-Andy G

Song “Take care, Tonight” composed by Master Wong Fook Ling https://youtu.be/lF_A-aXdoTU Acknowledgement-Alan Kayangan

Master Joseph Koo’s Interview https://youtu.be/1X1QEdXpmnM Acknowledgement-HKCO

Song composed by Master Joseph Koo: “Below the Lion Rock” https://youtu.be/kKWA3aOjsXg Acknowledgement-沿途有你2

TVB/TVBS News Music by Master Joseph Koo https://youtu.be/S5wyNnVqbvs Acknowledgement-1912dzsnt

Song “Interlude” https://youtu.be/7qXej8xJeLk Acknowledgement-jpeglariosa

#Sir Run Run Shaw邵逸夫 #Mona Fong方逸華 #Mitch Albom #Morrie Schwartz #Gold Bauhinia Star #City Garden Hotel #Tuesdays With Morrie #Below The Lion Rock獅子山下 #The Purple Harpin紫釵記 #Heart Will Brush Aside忘盡心中情 #Berklee College of Music #Hong Kong Philharmonic Orchestra

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cemeterything · 19 days

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PLEASE elaborate on “davidelizabeth in alien covenant if i wrote it” they squandered her potential so bad !

okay so first all i have already talked about how i feel that covenant should have built on the sticky psychosexual gothic horror tension between david and shaw and developed it into a toxic codependent dynamic (that predictably ends poorly due to their fundamentally opposing ideological stances as well as one-sided obsession on david's side), so i'm going to attach that rather than rehash it.

but honestly if i'd written covenant i would have had elizabeth survive david long enough to establish herself on the engineer planet in hiding from him (following a "breakup" caused by his act of genocide), and have the arrival of the colonists in covenant be the catalyst that forces them to confront each other again and finish what they started. i'm not entirely certain of the specifics, but i think there's a lot you could do with the central themes of alien as a cosmic/existential horror (a story about horrifying revelations, terrible change and progress/evolution that is unrecognisable as anything but nightmarish to the human minds bearing witness), a body horror narrative focused on sexual assault, pregnancy and childbirth/parenthood, and an examination of extraterrestrial horror as this colonial mindset - the fear of being violently replaced by something that deems itself better than you and works ruthlessly to eradicate you from your places of safety which it has taken for its own - as well as the more prometheus-specific themes of parental trauma and religion (mostly christianity) by making the core conflict between david and his xenomorphs and elizabeth and humanity, like a sort of fucked up retelling of adam and eve in the garden of eden.

to tie up loose ends, since prometheus and covenant are meant to be prequels to the original alien films, i'd probably have elizabeth succeed in being the final girl (a parallel to ripley in the original franchise) but tragically go into self-imposed exile/die alone in an attempt to prevent the xenomorphs from being stumbled across by future explorers and becoming a threat again, as well as possibly out of some warped sense of guilt, both for having allowed herself to ever love david and believe him capable of change, and for failing to save him ("save" very much in the biblical sense, as in persuade him to share her point of view and abandon his descent down a dark path). needless to say, she doesn't succeed, making her "victory" all the more phyrric.

#elizabeth x david #im so fucking crazy about them

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jokeringcutio · 5 months

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Stepdad!William Afton x Reader "Barbecue" - Mature/Drabble [ 1 ]

FNAF | William Afton (stepdad!) x (f) Reader | MATURE Warnings: Mention of arousal, Jealousy. AN: Wrote a quick drabble. For my Grabber fans, he is my favorite neighbor to crossover with (: Enjoy.

The sun beat down on your exposed skin as you stood in the backyard, the scent of sizzling meat filling the air. You were dressed to impress, hot pants hugging your curves and a tight top that left little to the imagination. Your neighbor Mr. Shaw manned the barbecue, his chestnut hair cascading down to his shoulders, the roots already touched by grey revealing his age.

"Great day for a barbecue," he smiled at you, his eyes twinkling with warmth.

"Absolutely," you agreed. You came to stand next to him, hungrily trying to have a peek to see if anything your taste was being put on there.

The conversation was casual and rather dull at first, with Mr. Shaw talking and you smiling kindly while listening and asking polite questions.

You hadn’t been much in the mood for this barbecue, but you didn’t want to disappoint your parents. Your stepfather was an intimidating man, always criticizing you. You tried your best not to irk him, to be polite and kind when around him. All you wanted was to have him praise you, even if it would only be once, and call you a good girl.

You just wanted his approval.

You felt the weight of your stepfather's gaze upon you from across the garden. William Afton, the man your mother had remarried not too long ago, was watching you intently. It seemed as if he was watching you most of the time these days, his scrutinizing eyes following your movements across the lawn.

You were doing your best to be the perfect stepdaughter, to get him to like you. You dressed up nicely and were socializing with his friends. What was it that you were doing wrong that he watched you like a hawk?

Mr. Shaw started telling you about his side job as a magician, catching your interest and distracting you from your stepdad’s watchful gaze. You couldn't help but let your enthusiasm show. His tales of dazzling tricks and spellbound audiences drew you in, and you found yourself leaning closer, eager to learn more.

"Really? And then what happened?" you asked, caught up in the excitement of it all.

But your stepdad had other ideas. In an instant, William was beside you, gripping your arm with a force that made you wince.

"Excuse us, Albert," he said through gritted teeth before dragging you into the house.

You stumbled along, trying to keep up with his angry strides. You didn’t miss how he led you into a room far enough from the party to ensure privacy before slamming the door shut behind you. Confused, you looked up at him.

There was a harshness in his eyes that for a moment seemed to flicker. As if your innocent eyes angered him even more.

"What do you think you're doing?" he spat, his voice harsh and cold.

"Talking to Mr. Shaw?" you answered hesitantly, unsure of where this hostility was coming from.

"Keep your distance from him," William growled, his fingers digging into your arm. "He's old enough to be your father."

Your stepdad’s words puzzled you. Keep your distance? Less than an hour ago he had wanted you to step up to them, had been lecturing you about it.

"But you're friends with him!" you protested, trying to make sense of your stepdad's sudden change in demeanor.

"That's different," he snapped. "Stay away from him, understand?"

"Fine," you muttered, your heart racing with confusion and fear. "I didn't mean to upset you," you murmured, searching his face for answers.

His touch lingered on your arm, and you felt a shiver run down your spine. You slowly became aware that he was deliberately finding excuses to touch you. When you passed each other in the hallway, his arm would accidentally brush past yours. When you needed to get to college in the morning, his hands would linger on the lunch he had prepared for you.

You knew exactly how his fingers felt.

The texture of his skin, the roughness of his palms, the warmth they exuded. You knew it, because he kept brushing his hands past your bare skin – whenever your shirt had no sleeves or whenever it slid down your arm to reveal your shoulder.

"Older men like him, they only think of one thing," William said, feigning concern. "Pretty young girl like you…” you saw him press his lips into a thin line, thinking before he spoke again. “I just want to protect you. Even though I'm not your real dad."

His words made him sound like the concerned father figure, but something in his eyes betrayed him. You saw through his act, recognizing the jealousy simmering beneath the surface.

"Okay, Dad," you whispered, meekly apologizing. "I promise to behave better."

The way you called him 'Dad' seemed to ignite something within him. His grip tightened, and you could swear you saw a hint of arousal in his eyes. With that realization, you made a silent vow to test your theory. Could it be that your stepfather had the hots for you?

"Thank you," he said, releasing you. "Now, go back outside and enjoy the party. But remember, no boys."

You locked eyes with him, searching for an answer to the many questions that swirled inside your head. “No boys,” you promised, thinking that Mr. Shaw was, after all, a man.

Not a boy.

You returned to the garden, feeling his gaze on your back as you went. The sun still shone brightly, casting long shadows on the grass. Laughter from the guests mingled with the sizzle of the barbecue. It all felt so normal, yet you couldn't shake off the tension that now wrapped around you like a second skin.

After weighing your options, you slowly made your way back to the food again. Most of the guests here were male. Men around your stepdad’s age. They were his friends mostly, after all. The women had gathered in a corner, your mom included, talking about topics that didn’t interest you at all.

"Are you okay?" Mr. Shaw asked, noticing your return. His kind eyes searched yours, genuine concern etched on his face.

"Of course," you smiled, pushing the unease aside. "Let's talk more about your magic tricks."

You leaned in closer, engrossed by his stories once more. But this time, you kept one eye on your stepfather, watching as he glowered from the sidelines. There was a small gesture of his hand as he stroked the obvious tent in his pants, rearranging himself discreetly, blue eyes still burning upon you.

You leaned a little closer to Mr. Shaw, eager to see your stepdad’s reaction. His eyes darkened, lips clipped. And then he took a step toward you.

You felt a twisted sense of satisfaction at his reaction – now you knew for sure.

"Wow, that's amazing," you said to Mr. Shaw, your voice louder and more enthusiastic than before. "You must be an incredible magician."

"Thank you," he replied, grinning. "I enjoy sharing my passion with others."

“Perhaps you can share your passion with me one day,” you said, aware that your stepfather must have heard every single word.

Mr. Shaw’s movements stilled, his strong hands holding the tongs in mid-air, veins clearly showing. His eyes seemed to darken. He was an attractive man, you noticed. Perhaps you could -

“I’d love to,” his deep and gravelly voice came.

But your eyes were no longer on Mr. Shaw. You couldn't help but notice William's clenched fists and darkened expression as he hurried toward you. This dangerous game was only just beginning, and you were fully aware of the risks. But somehow, that made it all the more enticing.

The moment was fleeting – the sudden grip of William's hand on your arm as he pulled you away from Mr. Shaw once more.

"Sorry to interrupt," he growled, a forced smile plastered on his face. "But I need to talk to my daughter… again."

"Of course," Mr. Shaw said, eyes narrowing slightly in concern.

William led you into the house again, his fingers digging into your flesh. You were certain bruises would form later. The thought, however, made you feel fuzzy on the inside. As if he was somehow marking you as his, and wasn’t that a thrilling thought?

Once inside, he pushed you against the wall, the action making you gasp. You squeezed your legs together involuntarily, your core hot and slick by nasty thoughts. Your stepfather looked powerful like this, dominating. His chest heaved up and down, gritted teeth showing. His blue eyes blazing with anger.

"Didn't I tell you to stay away from him?" he hissed, his breath hot on your face. "You're being a bad girl, deliberately, aren't you?"

"Wh-what do you mean?" you stammered, trying to maintain your composure. His proximity made it difficult to think straight.

"Your outfit," he spat, his gaze scanning over your tight top and hot pants. "It's too revealing. It's like you're inviting him to look at you."

"Thank you, Daddy," you whispered, your voice trembling as you started to talk. But then you caught sight of how his eyes slightly widened at your words, pupils blown.

You continued, "for being concerned about me."

As you slid past him, your fingers brushed against his arm, lingering for just a moment longer than necessary.

Returning to the garden, you decided to join your mom, settling down beside her on a lawn chair. The sun warmed your skin, but you couldn't ignore the heat radiating from William's stare. He watched you intently, his hands gripping the edge of the table as if he could barely contain himself.

But you obliged to his rules, avoiding eye contact with any of your stepdad’s male friends and sitting with the females of the party instead.

The little silly cat-and-mouse game the two of you had played was pushed to the back of your mind as you listened to the conversations around you. Dull as they were, they took away the ache you had started to feel dance between your legs.

Until your stepdad appeared in your vision, placing a glass of freshly made juice before you.

"Here," he said abruptly. "I thought you might be thirsty."

"Thank you," you murmured, meeting his eyes as you brought the straw to your lips. Slowly, deliberately, you sipped the cold liquid, watching the way his pupils dilated with each movement.

"Is everything all right?" your mom asked, oblivious to the tension between you and William.

"Everything's fine," you replied, eyes still locked with his. The air crackled around you, electric with unspoken desire. It was a dangerous dance, a game of control – and you were both playing with fire. ~ AN: For more, follow me (: ~~ Masterlist - Request Box - Support me on Ko-Fi ~~

#reader x william afton #william afton #william afton x reader #Stepdad!William Afton #FNAF AU #Reader insert #older man x younger woman #stepdad AU #matthew lillard!william afton x reader

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oldschoolfrp · 8 months

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A statue of Lord Soth overgrown with roses (Kevin McCann cover art for the 1999 Ravenloft novel Spectre of the Black Rose by James Lowder and Voronica Whitney-Robinson, a sequel to 1991's Knight of the Black Rose; as reproduced in Masters of Dragonlance Art, WOTC, 2002)

The composition was inspired in part by the cover of John Berendt's Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, which featured Sylvia Shaw Judson's statue Bird Girl against a menacing background, and by McCann's childhood memory of being lost in a Victorian cemetery on a dark, cloudy day.

#D&D #Dungeons & Dragons #Kevin McCann #Lord Soth #Ravenloft #fantasy art #fantasy #dark fantasy #Spectre of the Black Rose #dnd #Dungeons and Dragons #WotC #1990s

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dreamwritesimagines · 1 year

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Garden of Secrets [9] - Lavender

A.N: Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback and support my loves, it made my whole week, you’re amazing!❤ I hope you’ll like this chapter as well, and please don’t forget to tell me what you think, thank you! ❤

Thanks so much to @theskytraveler for helping me with the chapter!

Summary: A rushed engagement raises certain questions.

Warnings: Regency era society and social rules, some gender specific language and terms.

Word Count: 4300

Series Masterlist

This could not be happening.

No. There was no way.

You rushed out of the carriage as soon as it came to a stop and gathered your skirts to climb the marble stairs leading up to your house as fast as you could, ignoring your aunt saying your name. Darting through the door, you did not even stop to catch your breath, instead you made your way upstairs and passed through the hallway until you reached your room and opened the door, then closed it behind you and leaned back to it, your eyes burning with unshed tears.

With just one kiss, you were now to be married.

You had to give it to him, Benedict could be an excellent liar when he wanted to, or at least when your reputation was hanging by a thread.

“Married?” Lady Featherington said, doubt apparent in her tone and Lady Bridgerton’s eyes widened. Your aunt gasped.

“What?”

Benedict reached out to entwine his fingers with yours, squeezing your trembling hand lightly before running his thumb over your skin, trying to calm you down.

“You must forgive me for my shock,” Benedict said, shooting them that crooked grin of his, the one that you suspected had gotten him out of trouble multiple times. “I proposed to Miss Y/N just a moment before you caught us, what you saw was nothing more than our…enthusiastic happiness for our engagement.”

You gawked at him. “But—”

He shot you a look, making you frown before he turned to them again.

“I told my mother, she was supposed to ask Lady Thorne but I’m afraid I could not wait that long,” he said, motioning at her. “Mother, you haven’t had the chance to tell Lady Thorne I assume?”

Lady Bridgerton blinked a couple of times, then managed to smile.

“Not yet,” she said, causing Lady Danbury to raise her brows and she turned to look at your aunt. “Caroline, I was waiting for the end of the ball but you know young lovers, they rarely possess any patience.”

Your aunt looked at you. “Y/N, is that true?”

You felt as if you were watching this whole disaster from afar but somehow, your mind decided to follow Benedict’s lead for a reason unknown to you at that moment.

“I was going to tell you,” you managed to say when you found your voice and forced a small smile. “Upon Lord Shaw’s proposal, I had an epiphany.”

“…An epiphany?” she repeated and you nodded.

“Yes.”

“We’re in love,” Benedict added helpfully, holding up your entwined hands and you closed your eyes for a moment, then opened them and nodded again.

“What he—what he said.”

A silence fell upon you and your aunt pressed a hand over her chest.

“My dearest, you should’ve told me beforehand! Oh, so many things to do—”

“Does Lord Thorne know about this?”

Your aunt waved a hand in the air. “My husband will be happy beyond words that our Y/N finally found love!”

Lady Featherington arched a brow, looking between you two as if she was trying to see through your lie, then heaved a sigh.

“Well I suppose it’s less of a scandal, but a scandal nonetheless,” she pointed at you and Benedict. “The fact that you’re engaged does not condone that type of behavior, you are to wait until you’re lawfully wedded to engage in such…matters.”

“They’re in love and are to be married my dear Lady Featherington,” Lady Danbury spoke for the first time. “Leave them be.”

“When is the wedding?”

“We haven’t…”

“We will decide on it once Lord Thorne is made aware of this,” Lady Bridgerton said. “We must wait for his approval as well.”

“Y/N, come on,” your aunt motioned at you and grabbed your arm to pull you closer. “We’re going back home, I must give the good news to your uncle!”

You pressed your palms into your eyes until you saw shiny dots in the dark, then lowered your hands to your lap. It hadn’t hit you back then, but now that you were thinking about it…

The moment they had seen you together it was decided for you, you had to be married. The only difference was whether the ton would think it was by your choice or that you were being forced to do so, or worse, whether you had trapped him by doing so. Considering the rumors about him and Charlotte -and no thanks to Lady Whistledown- everyone thought you were already placing yourself in the way of years long courtship, and by lying right to their faces about a proposal and you two being in love, Benedict had made sure that no one could speak anything badly of you, at least as far as this situation went.

Yet, that did nothing to put your heart at ease.

You knew what husbands were like, you knew what he would turn into no matter how sweet and understanding he seemed so far, you knew the moment he got angry—

“Clover?”

Your head shot up at your uncle’s voice behind the door along with the soft knock, and you wiped your eyes with the back of your hand before pushing yourself off the floor to fix your dress, trying to look as decent as possible.

“Come in, uncle.”

He opened the door and stepped inside, worry etched over his features.

“Were you crying?”

“I’m…” You wiped at your nose. “I’m overwhelmed, that is all. It was a long night.”

“I know, I just heard,” he pointed at the door with his thumb. “Your aunt is on cloud nine.”

At least someone was happy about tonight.

“But the way she told me of the incident,” he said, motioning at you to sit down on the chair by the table, then pulled himself a seat as well. “It makes me question certain things.”

“Like what?”

“You’re in love with Benedict Bridgerton?”

You paused before nodding your head. “Uh huh.”

“Dearest, the last time we spoke you said he annoyed you and that you would never marry him.”

“Yes I know but I had an epiphany,” you repeated your lie from earlier. “Lord Shaw’s proposal made me think about marriage and tonight with Ben—with Mr Bridgerton,” you corrected yourself. “It felt right.”

At least that wasn’t a complete lie. That kiss had felt right, like you were both made for kissing each other and nothing more. It was as if you were always meant to be, as if this desire pushing you to each other ever since you had met him was fate—

But it wasn’t and you knew it very well. That was merely bait, some sort of lure to make you lower your defenses.

Perhaps the ton had been wrong.

You weren’t the Venus Flytrap here, he was.

“And you want this?” your uncle said. “Clover my dear, you can tell me if you do not. We would figure it out, I assure you.”

You bit inside your cheek, deep in thought. As genuine as it was, you knew there was nothing he could do. If you and Benedict didn’t get married after tonight, it wasn’t just your reputation that would be ruined, it was your uncle and aunt’s as well. They would be outcasted from the respectable society of London, so would Teddy and—

No. You could not simply sit back and watch that happen.

You managed to will a smile on your face, then nodded again.

“Of course,” you managed to say. “What else could I possibly want?”

You couldn’t sleep that night. Even though you had tried your hardest to at least find some refuge in sleep, you kept tossing and turning in bed and the moment you dozed off, you woke up gasping for air. The morning wasn’t so good either, you had told your aunt you wanted to be the one to tell Teddy but the moment you so much as mentioned getting married -the word still felt foreign in your mouth- Teddy had ran to his room and slammed the door behind him. Even though you could’ve opened the door and walked in, you decided to try to convince him to open the door himself.

“Teddy?” you knocked on the door and only heard a sniffle from the other side of the door, the sound making you feel as if someone was squeezing your heart. “May I come in?”

“No!”

You bit inside your cheek. “Don’t be like this,” you said. “Please. I know that it’s very sudden—”

“You promised!”

That was more than enough to send tears to your eyes but you gritted your teeth at yourself and blinked back the tears.

“I know,” you said. “I didn’t plan this, I swear to you.”

“I don’t believe you!” he shouted from the other side and you leaned your forehead on the door, keeping quiet for a moment.

“I wouldn’t either,” you murmured and pulled back, drumming your fingernails on the wood. “Teddy, come on. Open the door so that we can talk face to face, hm?”

You heard the shuffling of his footsteps before the door cracked open so that you could see the half of his face, his eyelashes wet with tears. You could feel your heart dropping but you offered him a small smile.

“May I come in?”

He pouted his lips and opened the door wider before walking back to his bed, and plopped down on it with a huff. You sat down on the bed as well and crossed his arms, looking at you with a frown.

“Who are you getting married to?” he asked like a demand and you swallowed thickly.

“You’ve met him before,” you said. “Outside the flower exhibition, remember?”

Teddy narrowed his eyes as if trying to remember, then looked up at you. “He was tall.”

“Mm hm, he is quite tall. And he was friendly with you, no?”

Teddy shrugged his shoulders, keeping quiet.

“Did you like him?” you asked him and he shrugged again.

“I don’t know yet.” he said. “Why did you lie to me and said you wouldn’t marry anyone soon?”

You shook your head fervently. “I didn’t lie to you,” you said. “It was a…sudden decision.”

“If you marry him, does that mean you will move to his house?”

You managed to keep your expression still by some miracle.

“Yes but I will come and see you every day,” you assured him. “Every single day, like I still live here—”

“But you won’t live here.”

“No,” you said after a beat. “But I’m not going to be far away from here, it’s not the same situation as Josie.”

“Josie left.”

“I know that but I’m not leaving,” you said. “You’re my little brother, I could never, ever leave you Teddy. I swear on my life.”

He rubbed at his eye before snuggling closer to you and you wrapped your arms around him to give him a tight hug.

“Can I visit you there?”

“I’d be very sad if you didn’t,” you said, burying your nose into his hair like you used to when he was a baby and he sniffled.

“But it won’t change things, will it?” he asked. “Marriage?”

You tried to ignore the familiar fear filling you upon the mention of marriage and you closed your eyes for a moment, then took a deep breath.

“Of course not,” you lied through your teeth. “I can assure you my dearest, nothing will change.”

If it were any other time, you would have thrown yourself to your garden as a distraction but for the very first time in your life, you had a feeling it would be futile. All you wanted was just burying yourself into the fluffy covers and sleep until the events of last night disappeared from your mind but it was impossible. With Teddy having his lessons with his tutor, you had nothing to do but be alone with your thoughts. After writing your letter to Josie explaining what happened last night, you placed it on the small table in the foyer for the butler to send it with the rest of the letters, you made your way to the music room where you knew would be empty. Your aunt was so enthusiastic to talk about the upcoming wedding but even thinking about it was enough to make you feel as if you were being smothered, so you made your way to the music room where you knew would be empty.

And no one would look for you there anyway.

At least that was what you thought.

You were so emotionally exhausted that you hadn’t even noticed yourself dozing off on the sofa and for what it was worth, you were quite certain you had been asleep for about half a minute when you heard the butler announcing Benedict’s name. Your whole body jolted awake as if someone had poured a bucket of cold water on you, and you felt your heartbeat getting faster as you sat up in the sofa. You weren’t ready to see him after last night and you were hoping he shared the sentiment, so you took a step to the door in order to close it, but that was when he entered the hallway and apparently saw you out of the corner of his eye because he turned to head.

“Y/N.”

The events of last night flashed through your mind but even that wasn’t enough for you to completely ignore the slight warmth spreading through your chest upon hearing your name from his lips.

No, you could not—

You could not afford to have that kind of confusion, especially now.

You crossed your arms, shooting him an icy glare which made him frown slightly, then looked around.

“May I come in?”

You shrugged your shoulders, biting inside your cheek as he stepped inside and you caught the sight of a white envelope in his hand. He followed your gaze and held it up.

“It’s uh—it’s a dinner invitation for you and your family from my mother,” he said. “After last night, I figured it’d be better to give it to your aunt in person.”

You dug your fingernails into your palm. “You could just tell her you changed your mind, you know.”

He stared at you for a moment. “And ruin your life?”

He had a point there.

It was impossible to break this engagement without having your name dragged through the mud, especially considering the position you were caught in last night. If either of you broke the engagement, it would mean a scandal for the both of you -particularly you- so you knew as well as he did that it was out of question.

You shrugged your shoulders again, letting out a furious breath.

“That ship has long sailed for me,” you murmured. “And for you as well.”

His eyes flickered over your face and he took a step towards you but you immediately stepped back, making him freeze in his spot.

“Y/N,” he said after a beat. “I know it wasn’t something we talked of or planned before and I apologize for the manner that it happened but if I didn’t say that, they’d tear you apart.”

That was putting it lightly.

If you two were caught kissing without marriage in the horizon? Benedict would be criticized yes, but he could walk away unharmed in the end. With the family he had and his artistic talents which was surely going to make him famous judging by the admiration of the ton, no one would even bring it up to him a couple of years down the line.

You on the other hand?

The ton wouldn’t stop until they were picking at your dead body like vultures.

And even hours after in all this mess, you could still remember how that fire felt. You had gone to him willingly, kissed him willingly and if it weren’t for this freezing fear of what was to happen once you were married, even now you still would—

Oh you were a goddamn idiot.

Not only were you a goddamn idiot, this was also pathetic. He was being forced into this just as much as you were, and just because he managed to cover it better than you did not mean you couldn’t see through the lie. He did not want to get married, that much was obvious to anyone and he certainly wasn’t planning on marrying you. He was supposed to get married to someone like Charlotte, someone softer, someone nicer, someone who was the complete opposite of you.

Last night was just a lapse of judgement on both sides, that was all.

“I know,” you said, shifting your weight from one foot to other as you unfolded your arms. “I’m well aware of it.”

“I wasn’t trying to trick or trap you—”

“This conversation would have gone very differently if I believed you were,” you cut him off and his eyes searched your face.

“Yet you resent me.”

“No more than you will resent me,” you pointed out and he pulled his brows together.

“Resent you?” he asked. “Y/N, why would I resent you?”

You shot him a glare.

“I didn’t walk away, did I?” you asked him. “Last night. Everything would have been different if I just walked away and went back to the ballroom, but I didn’t—”

“I’m glad you didn’t.”

“Benedict…”

“I am,” he insisted as he reached to hold your hand, making you close your eyes for a moment. “I do not regret it, not a single second.”

“You should,” you muttered as you opened your eyes but fixed your gaze on the floor and he hesitated for a second.

“Do you?”

You couldn’t bring yourself to lie and say yes, not when you could still taste his kiss on your lips, not when you knew deep down that you still craved him. You would have done anything to escape the consequences but you couldn’t—

You couldn’t bring yourself to regret that moment, not at all.

A sigh escaped from you as you forced yourself to pull your hands from his, then crossed your arms over your chest again.

“I do not, but—”

“Then it changes nothing.”

A bitter chuckle left your lips. “Please stop doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“Taking me for a fool.”

He tilted his head. “I’m not doing that.”

“Yes you are!” you insisted and he ran a hand over his eyes.

“Y/N…”

“It changes everything and you know that, you—” you stopped yourself, shaking your head. “I honestly do not have time for this, I must go check on Teddy.”

He looked like he wanted to disagree but you walked past him before he could say anything, then turned around when you reached the door.

“As far as the whole ton and our families are concerned, we are in love and I understand that we will have to pretend as such,” you said. “And I appreciate you doing what you did, but it’s just us here so there’s no need to lie to each other. You would’ve never married me and I would’ve never married you if it weren’t for the ton forcing us so stop taking me for a fool, because I’m too smart to be deceived by this whole charade.”

He stared at you, a flash of sadness crossing his handsome features, making your heart drop but you swallowed thickly.

“My aunt is in the drawing room,” you told him. “I’m sure she will be delighted by your family’s invitation. Have a lovely day, Mr. Bridgerton.”

With that, you turned around and walked away from him, your heart still beating in your ears.

Towards the afternoon, you were so desperate to get away from your thoughts that you decided to get out of the house. Going to the city center to buy some seeds for your garden sounded like a good idea, so you took your maid with you since your aunt was already very busy with choosing what to wear to the dinner at the Bridgerton house.

Since it had happened just last night, it hadn’t hit Whistledown yet and you didn’t think Lady Bridgerton had told anyone, so at least today you did not have to deal with anyone.

Tomorrow on the other hand, was going to be another story.

“Lavenders, my lady?” Paula asked and you nodded.

“They’re very easy to grow,” you said, taking the small bag full of lavender seeds. “And my aunt really likes the smell of them, I think it’ll make her happy to see them in the garden.”

“Will you plant them to your own garden as well?”

You turned your head. “My own garden?”

“For when you marry Mr. Bridgerton?” she whispered. “I’m sorry, I just…heard some maids in the kitchen talking about it.”

You gulped down and tried to smile, then shook your head.

“Don’t worry about it,” you said. “But no. I will not do much gardening after I marry Mr. Bridgerton.”

Paula frowned. “But you like gardening.”

Well yes.

You did like gardening, but keeping a garden meant Benedict could use it to hurt you whenever he would get mad at you, so you weren’t just going to give it to him.

“I’m sure I will have other responsibilities,” you murmured and made your way to the counter so that you could pay for the seeds, then you and Paula left the flower shop.

“Are you tired?” you asked her and she shook her head.

“Not at all, my lady.”

“Wonderful. I want to go by that pastry shop that Teddy likes to buy him some sweets—”

“Miss Y/N.”

You looked over your shoulder and turned around with a slight frown on your face. Though you hadn’t been properly introduced, you already knew Benedict’s older brother, Viscount Bridgerton. You had seen him multiple times in the ballrooms with the same frown that he had right now, which seemed permanent on his face and it was quite obvious that he knew who you were.

If you had to guess, he also knew about your very sudden engagement.

“Lord Bridgerton.”

“We should talk,” he said, “I can take you to wherever it is you and your maid are going, get in the carriage.”

Ah.

Alright, it was very obvious you two would not get along well.

You blinked a couple of times. “Pardon?”

“Get in the carriage,” he nodded in the direction of his carriage and you looked up at the sky for a moment, pretending to think about it.

“Mm no I’d rather not.”

He looked rather surprised but managed to recover quickly.

“I’m the head of the family you’re joining,” he reminded you. “And I was not asking.”

“Good for you, I am still saying no,” you deadpanned and he raised his brows.

“Do you wish to have this conversation on the street then?”

“Honestly this last minute just proves to me that I don’t wish to have any conversation with you anywhere, Lord Bridgerton,” you said. “But don’t take this personally. I just have this principle to not follow orders from people who are under the very false impression they can give me any.”

Anthony paused for a moment and let out a scoff, then nodded at Paula.

“Give us a moment.”

Paula took a couple of steps away from you so that she wouldn’t be within earshot and you crossed your arms, watching him with raised brows.

“I’ve been informed about the events of last night,” he said. “Congratulations on your engagement.”

You rolled your eyes. “Much appreciated.”

“Now I do not understand why Benedict decided to throw away years of courtship with Miss Harlowe for you,” he said, making your heart skip a beat. “But she happens to be a very close family friend, so I’m sure you can understand my hesitation.”

You tried to ignore the guilt seeping into your system. “Your hesitation?”

“I know that you two will present a different truth to the ton than what actually happened.”

You could feel your heart dropping to your stomach but you managed to keep your expression completely blank.

“Let me guess,” you said. “You think—”

“It doesn’t matter what I think about the issue, what’s done is done,” he cut you off. “Your reputation and his honor hangs in balance, obviously you two must get married. There’s no other option here.”

“Yet here you are, telling me things I already know,” you pointed out. “Thank you for the news Lord Bridgerton but I’m afraid I figured that out myself without your much needed input.”

He shook his head slightly and heaved a sigh.

“I know that my brother has a soft spot for you for a reason that remains a mystery to me,” he said. “Apparently that made him quite illogical last night. Now, on your part I do not know whether it was on purpose to be seen together or—”

The anger shot through you so fast that it made your head spin, and before he could so much as finish his sentence, you turned around and took a step to leave, trying your hardest to remember that you were in public in order to keep your fury under control.

“I’m not done talking,” he said and you stopped dead in your tracks, then turned to look at him better.

“I am.”

He gave a dry chuckle. “Well, would you do me the honor of sparing me a minute of your much precious time?”

You tilted your head, narrowing your eyes at him.

“No,” you said curtly, making him give you a mocking smile.

“Considering your reputation among your suitors my lady, it doesn’t surprise me you like to have the last word,” he commented. “And for that last word to be no.”

You let out a small, humorless laugh and clicked your tongue, then shrugged your shoulders.

“Considering your reputation among ladies, my lord,” you said. “Maybe your last word should have been no.”

He pulled back, his mouth slightly agape in shock while you smiled at him and dropped a curtsy, then turned around and walked away from him with Paula following you suit.

Chapter 10

#benedict bridgerton x reader #benedict bridgerton #bridgerton #bridgerton x reader #regency fic

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