#skate or die dude

[vulpecula404]

#skate or die dude #you either skate or you die #polls

[iambuggy]

Skate or die!

Skate-or-die

Die die diediediedie

#pizza tower #the noise #theodore noise #it’s fuckin skate or die dude I don’t make the rules #digital art

[muppetebbtide]

discworld dashboard simulator

❓ ankhmorporkpolls

🧙🏻 blackalisstan

This is like that tsortian guy who had to pick between goddesses and started a war and then died. Or like paying the assassin's guild to kill you

🔪 treefroghousealumni follow

*inhume

🧙🏻 blackalisstan

piss off you posh knob

🍴 priestessofanoia

tbf I don't think the watch is wasting its time on this blue hellsite so ur probably safe there. the POSTMASTER however...

#sometimes I think only bloody stupid johnson could have come up with this fucking site

10,435 notes

🪻watchofficial follow

ALL'S WELL!

🍴 priestessofanoia

nvm lmao 😭

47 notes

☕ klatchmeifyoucan follow

.

#ppl on here are actually sooooo ankh morpork centric it's insane #'EVERYONE knows webblethorpe the unconscious' who??? why the fuck should I??? #like HELLO there's other places on the disc? #and klatch is NICER like omg

4 notes

unseenuniconfessions reblogged:

🦧 unseenuniversitylibrary

Ook

#SO TRUE KING

100,034 notes

Anonymous asked:

Is lord vetinari gay

🪄ramtopswitches answered:

Why would you ask us, a ramtops witches blog, this

50,432 notes

🔮 uucompetitiveeatingchamp follow

CALLOUT: @ /spanglersal (deactivated)

• started a Kickstarter to crowdfund a click of Captain Vimes & Errol then disappeared with the money and has gone completely ghost on everyone

• apparently stole over 100k

• cringe

Read More

2000 notes

Anonymous asked:

Blessings be upon this askbox

🌷queen-of-lancre answered:

I don't know if this is nanny pretending to be granny, or if it's actually granny, and I think I'm too scared to find out

435 notes

cmot-dibbler-enterprises sponsored

SAUSAGES INNA BUN ‼️‼️‼️‼️🌭🌭🌭🌭

🏚️ throwingshades

Gonna go skating on the frozen river ankh!!

💀 nojusticejustus

HAVE FUN

🏚️ throwingshades

Thanks man!

34 notes

✉️ ampostofficeofficial follow

🐸 bursaaaaaaaaar

is. is the post office posting crab rave bc reacher gilt just turned up dead

7013 notes

🧳 agateantravels follow

The Crumley's Hogswatch grotto is being advertised again but somehow I just don't think they can top last year's... like idk where they got the budget from but the real pigs?? CRAZY. my little sister asked for a pony and there was just one in the house when we got back like?? My mum was PISSED but yes talk abt Hogswatch magic. Still wonder how they pulled it off

345 notes

💖 angelofmusic

It's literally SO unfunny to be making jokes about the Opera Ghost when you all KNOW I saw so many of my friends DIE last year??? I literally have so much PTSD from it... like it's so insensitive you're all actually the WORST

#vent #don't rb #some of you will say ANYTHING for a cheap laugh :(

5 notes

🐊 genuablogging

My dealer: got some straight gas 🔥😛 this strain is called “narrative causality” 😳 you’ll be zonked out of your gourd 💯

Me: yeah whatever. I don’t feel shit.

5 minutes later: dude I swear I just saw the Duc turn into a frog

My buddy Mrs Pleasant, pacing: Lilith de Tempscire is lying to us

456 notes

#no idea if this is even funny. whatever! I had fun! #discworld #terry pratchett #gnu terry pratchett #witches abroad #going postal #hogfather #maskerade #tumblr simulator #dashboard simulator #my post #tag edit: I did not realise today was the anniversary of Terry's passing... but it certainly serves as a tribute!? gnu ledge

[psychokineticism]

it’s been kinda hot here lately

#draw #my characters are stupid #clear #tfw ur a vampire but you gotta skate or die dude

[faestolemythoughts]

In light of my most recent discovery, made some cute little Sam/Alex/Seb hcs

Of course they’ve always known each other they’ve all grown up in pelican town together, the three (especially Seb) just never clicked as a trio.

-Sam and Alex are the first to warm up to each other through mutual lack of braincells.

-Alex finds Sam trying to do a kickflip one day and something along the lines of “Dude!! I didn’t know you skated!!” Is said. Thus a beautiful dumb friendship blossoms.

-Alex eventually asks Sam how to teach him to skate and Sam all but explodes out of excitement because he has someone to skate with, finally. He’d been trying to get Sebastian to skate for years.

-Honestly Sebastian is a little iffy on the whole Alex hanging around them thing, even if it’s just while Sam skates. Sam notices, and of course has to give him a pep talk.

“Come on, he’s cool. He’s not that bad”

“He’s a jock”

“A cool jock. Those are rare”

-Alex picks up on Seb’s nervousness too, even if it goes unsaid. He makes a point to be nice, maybe even ask where he gets his hair cut because he’s been meaning to change things up a little.

-Sebastian is the one to eventually invite Alex along to one of their band practices, he’s not sure what answer he wants though. Alex agrees. Sam boasts, of course.

“If you like my skating you should see me kill it on a bass.”

Alex would rather die than admit he can’t seem to stay away from the weird little duo.

-Alex sits the wrong way on Sam’s desk chair, legs on either side, watching them play, looking a little bit like an excited little kid. Thinking to himself how the hell are these dorks actually cool.

“Wanna try?” Sebastian inquires. Nodding down at the keyboard under his hands. “Need a smoke anyways”

They all crack up as Alex makes random noises on the synth as Seb smokes out of Sam’s window.

“I think he got a beat there for half a second!”

#stardew valley headcanons #stardew valley #sdv alex #sebastian stardew valley #sam stardew valley #sambastian #sdv #alex stardew valley

[aphroditness]

What does Stan's friend group love about you? (Sp x F!y/n) </3

Warning(s): Slight NSFW

Reader is Female, and in these scenario you and your dp (Desired person, for example: Kyle) are already in an established relationship.

</3

Stan🎧💙 :

Dude loves any form of affection you give him, whether it be quick kisses to long, warm hugs, he feels like he'll throw up any second.

He wishes he could call you pet names but he's gonna get sick in the stomach REAL fast.

he also makes playlists of songs that remind him of you and sends them to you + puts them visible on his Spotify account

he doesn't show any clingy-ness or PDA around his friends bc cartman's such an ass and he'll get teased for days, but in private all he wants to do is cuddle w/ you and watch a Christmas movie together

loves loves loves when you mindlessly copy his actions, he think its soso cute. Like for example if he does a secret handshake with one of his friends and catches you trying to make one with yours, he's gonna die of how adorable it is.

He likes to go skating with you, if you don't know how to skate he'll gladly teach you

Get's hard whenever he sees you in a skirt 🙏🙏

Whenever he texts you and you send him pictures of yourself being all cute n' shii, his eyes widen and he automatically saves them to his camera roll with a sly grin on his face.

bro thinks he's mf swiper with his devious ass

he gets realllll horny whenever you sit with your legs crossed on a desk/table, or when you twirl your hair and make eye contact while talking to him. my guy's gonna be walking around with a huge boner the whole day in pain until you relieve him.

Kyle 🎮💚:

He tries extremely hard not to get flustered whenever you hug him from behind

Especially when you compliment his hair and play with it/start flirting with him while you do it. ITS JUST SO ENLKBVJVBENKJJ FOR HIM HE GOES WILD

"Kyle baby, you look so cute with your hair out like that .." "I- h-hah .. T-thank you .." Then he legit MELTS INTO YOUR TOUCH HE'S SO DESPERATE

he wants to act all tough and whatnot 4 you but you make him so vulnerable

what makes him hard as a fucking rock is when he's sitting down on his chair and you bend over towards him with your titties on the desk, arms crossed. HANDS DOWN CATCHES HIM OFF GUARD SO QUICKLY HIS EYES DART STRAIGHT TOWARDS YOUR TITS 😔😔

He lovesss seeing you wear his hoodies, something about it is just.. makes him feel some sort of way..

he gets really excited whenever you ask him to tutor you, it means you two get to spend more time together

If someone insults you he's gonna get MADD ANGRY

Like his anger issues will not allow someone to disrespect you like that.

he's always at your beck and call, if you need him, he's there.

Send him a bikini pic and he's gonna have a seizure.

"SHIT Y/N IM WITH MY FRIENDS WHAT IF THEY SEE IT?!??1!?!?!/11/1/ FUCK WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME AMEOIDOAEINAMSLKN"

STUDY DATES ARE HIS FAVOURITE BUT ALSO GOING OUT TO CAFE'S >>>>>>>>>>

He gets really blushy and nervous whenever your showing him so much affection to towards him infront of his friends, but he secretly likes it, he just doesnt wanna seem like a baby.

Whenever you get better grades than him he either celebrates for days or cries in a corner for hours. There's no in between.

Kyle is honestly so overprotective like if he sees a guy staring at you hes gonna straight up smack their face with a stack of graded homework assignments.

He jealousssss 🤭 he HATESSS admitting it though hes so whiny abt it too.

"Y/nn, I'm not jealousss babeee shutt uppp-uh 😠😠" Like a frickin 10 year old, LMFAO WHY DO I ACTUALLY IMAGINE HIM SAYING THAT THOUGH

Kenny 🏠🧡:

Lovesss showing/giving PDA doesn't matter where you are or who you're with

Bro is soso touch-starved its insane

He holds you by the waist while he leans in for a kiss, he low-key smells like cigarettes and car gas but I'm kinda into it ngl 🤷‍♀️

Whenever he gets touchy, it's not always going to be sexual but this man has some pretty horny thoughts but you cant blame him

Hes so whiny and wants you to touch him REALLY BADLY.

"Y/nn please please please I love you so much please just this once oh my God please your so hot I'm gonna suffocate I love you just this once please please PLEASEEEEEE-" "Kenny omg calm down wtf-"

His weak spot is seeing you in clothes that bring out your figure, I mean, girls look better in a real tight sweater ifkwim 😋

The only time he will EVER be the submissive one during sex is when hes balling his eyes out about something that's happened at home, or when he's high on sumthin'

If he's going to see you, he sometimes brings karen with him because he loves the little relationship you two got going on, also his parents are always arguing so it'd be a huge relief for both Karen AND Kenny.

Send him ONE picture and he'll be begging on his knees for more

"MOMMY SORRY MOMMY SORRY- OH GOD SEND MORE- I NEED- creams aggressively YOUR A FUCKING GODDESS OH LORD HAVE MERCY GOAWDH DAYHUYHM 😍😍"

It's a big bonus if you come from a wealthy or rich family cause then you can spoil Kenny and his siblings rotten like how they deserve 😔💞

Please treat karen well she really looks up to you, your like her idol and shes def your #1 fan, she'll always be talking about you and how amazing and thoughtful and pretty you are ITS JUST SO AAAAAAA KAREN IS SO CUTEEE 😖

Kenny doesn't have much but he'll try to save up ENOUGH money to get you something nice like a headband or some nail polish 😚

He's trying.

He just wants you to be happy with him.

Please get married.

Cartman 🍗❤️:

Oh no.

When people started finding out that Cartman had feelings for the one and only, Y/n, they felt so sorry and started giving u random things and being oddly kind around you.

You were like: ???

If he sees a guy flirting or talking to you, he's gonna lower their self esteem to the MAX.

Like he'll be soso rude abt it too

"What kind of dumb fuck like you would get any girls? You got to be kidding me, your dumber than Kahl."

Once you started dating him, man everyone in the school was either shocked, no- not shocked, literally flat-out concerned for your well-being.

Cartman, REEAAAALLLYYYY .. ?

He always wants your attention, even when your busy doing something he'll be texting you at the most randomest times saying "I'm coming over", and shows up at your door in less than 2 minutes.

If you give him a hug or a kiss in public, he'll be acting all tough and start bragging to his friends. But once he's alone, he'll start giggling and twirling around like a fangirl (😨)

He has so many bad pictures of you on his camera roll but it takes all of your convincing skills to tell him: DONT. POST. THE PICTURES.

He doesn't wanna participate in any tiktok couple challenges bc he thinks their stupid. Buttt unless you offer Kyle to do it then he's def gonna cave in 🤭.

He's such a toddler too

He'll secretly want to be the little spoon often but if you offer him his face starts looking like a whole-ass sunburn with an offended look on his face

"AHEM? No we are NAWT doing that. You? Cuddling ME? No no no, its supposed to be the other way around, "Y/n" 🙄"

He'd diss your music taste and then you'll catch him twerking to your favorite song

He just like that y'know?

#south park #south park x reader #south park fanfiction #south park headcanons #south park x you #south park x female y/n #south park x remale reader #south park kyle #stan marsh #kyle broflovski #eric cartman #kenny mccormick x reader #female reader #female y/n #eric cartman x y/n #kyle brovlofski x female reader #kyle x reader #kenny x reader #kenny x female reader #kenny x female y/n #south park fanfics #south park fandom #south park and y/n #y/n x south park #you in south park #everybody loves y/n

[asskickedbygirl]

Hello I have jealous Knoxville brain rot and I was wondering if you could write a Knoxville x fem!reader where the reader is bams best friend and they grew up skating together attached at the hip but Johnny is fully into the reader and she’s into Johnny (he does not see this) but he thinks she and bam are going to date because everyone thinks they would make the perfect couple. It can take whatever direction you would prefer from there I just would die for some pining jealous Knox 😭

Going Up

[Johnny Knoxville x F!Reader]

Desc: Anon covered it but I made it smutty! As in elevator sex smutty...

A/n: need to put eyeliner on johnny rn. also I'm trying to do something different in all of my smuts so they don’t get boring or repetitive to write so lmk if you like it!! comments and reblogs make my day fr <3

Warnings: smut (18+), p in v, public sex (sort of), alcohol

3.4k words

⭒ ⭒ ⭒ ⭒ ⭒ ⭒ ⭒ ⭒ ⭒ ⭒ ⭒ ⭒ ⭒ ⭒ ⭒ ⭒ ⭒ ⭒ ⭒ ⭒ ⭒ ⭒ ⭒

Bam and you were fucking around on your boards, doing stupid tricks and just wasting time until you were called to set. You always thought it was stupid that your call times were so early when you were never really needed until the afternoon at least. Nonetheless you showed up, bored and hungover. 

“Fuck I’ve almost got it.” You bitched, irritated that you couldn’t succeed in the easiest tricks when your head was throbbing from the night before. Bam laughed, 

“Yeah, sure you do.” This earned him a prompt thump on the arm from your fist, your teeth grinding. 

“Shut up, dickhead.” He still laughed, only holding the site of injury this time. He looked up behind you and raised his eyebrows. You spun around to see who he was looking at only to see Johnny Knoxville staring over at the two of you, quickly shifting his gaze once you spotted him, pretending he wasn’t looking. 

“Hmmm.” Bam hmmmed. 

“What?” You asked, skating in circles around him. 

“He’s got the hots for you.” 

You rolled your eyes, “You think everyone’s got the hots for me.” 

“Because they do!” 

You scoffed, “Your ego for me is bigger than my own. No one even asks me out anymore.” 

“That’s ‘cause they think we’re dating.” 

You pouted in contemplation. “I guess. Well why won’t you date me then?!” You brought your arms around Bam’s neck in mockery as you skated past him, laughing as he attempted to shoo you off. You planted a sloppy kiss on his cheek like a drunken aunt. 

“You’re gross. You’re like my sister, freak.” You giggled as Bam attempted to wipe your spit off his face, arms still wrapped around him.

Johnny swallowed thickly as he observed you acting all coupley with Bam, sipping the crappy cup of coffee he got from the catering table when Ryan wandered over to him and looked to see what he was gawking at. He sighed, 

“You know they’re not dating, right?” Johnny was snapped out of his daze upon hearing his voice. 

He cleared his throat, “What? Oh, uh. Yeah.” He scratched the back of his head, feeling caught. He bit his lip, looking back over to you, his heart beating a little faster the wider you smiled. 

“She probably likes you dude. There’s not many women that don’t.” Johnny took another sip from his styrofoam cup, eyes still on you, shrugging. Ry just shook his head, chuckling under his breath. He patted Johnny reassuringly on his shoulder and walked away, leaving him to yearn a little longer. You glanced up to see Johnnys eyes still drinking you in. You smiled and waved at him jokingly, causing his cheeks to flush as he hobbled off. Maybe he does have the hots for you after all.

“She probably likes you dude. There’s not many women that don’t.” Johnny took another sip from his styrofoam cup, eyes still on you, shrugging. Ry just shook his head, chuckling under his breath. He patted Johnny reassuringly on his shoulder and walked away, leaving him to yearn a little longer. You glanced up to see Johnnys eyes still drinking you in. You smiled and waved at him jokingly, causing his cheeks to flush as he hobbled off. Maybe he does have the hots for you after all.

A few days later you were in your hotel room applying your makeup, ready to go hit the bars after filming on location in New York. Bam and you were sharing, not the same bed but still, it didn’t help the rumours. You carefully lined your lips with liner as Bam lay on his bed staring at the ceiling, bored out of his tree waiting on you. 

“The bars are gonna be fucking closed by the time we leave.” You rolled your eyes, rubbing your lips together and tousling your hair. 

“It’s not even eleven yet. We’re gonna be early freak.” Bam pushed himself off the mattress,

 “Fuck this, I’m leaving with Ryan it’s too late to be this sober.” 

He grabbed his jacket and key card and swung the door open only to be met with a tall figure, hand raised and ready to knock. 

“Johnny.” Bam spoke, leading you to snap your head to take a look at the supposed man at your door. 

“Hey.” The often confident man’s voice wavered awkwardly, as if he had been caught in a trap. Bam leaned back to look at you, then back to Johnny, smiling like an idiot.

 “I was about to head with Ryan, you can come if you want or uh…” Bam raised his brows suggestively, something you didn’t spot. Johnny cleared his throat and swallowed thickly, contemplating for a moment whether or not he wanted to let it out that he’d rather stay with you. 

“I can stay with her while she gets ready. Bring you down if you want.” He called out to you, biting the bullet. You flicked your hair away from your face, grinning, 

“Sure. I’ll be ready in a minute anyways.” Bam shrugged and left the two of you to it, Johnny stumbling in and seating himself on the edge of your bed, observing you through the mirror as you smudged some more eyeliner in your waterline.

“That looks like it hurts. Is it not going into your eye?!” Johnny gritted his teeth together while you giggled. 

“I’m used to it. Here let me put some on you.” You held the eyeliner pencil between your fingers and turned to face him though his hands were already raised up, refusing.

“Oh come on! It doesn’t hurt and you can wash it off if you really hate it!” You flashed your best puppy dog eyes which ultimately worked as he simply couldn’t say no to you when you looked like that. He rolled his eyes as you grinned, moving closer to him. His breath hitched as your knees brushed against his, hands holding himself up as he leaned back slightly, eyes peering up at you. You took your bottom lip between your teeth in concentration and rested your hand against his cheek, Johnny swallowing right after. You used your thumb to pull his eye down just a tad, enough to see his waterline and went right in to apply it, accidentally poking him straight in the eye. 

“Ow!” The jabbed exclaimed, pulling away from you and holding his hand over his eye dramatically. 

You rolled you eyes. “Alright sorry. It was only a poke! C’mere it didn’t even get in your waterline.” Johnny was about to protest but felt he couldn’t once you pulled his face forward again forcefully, tongue poking out of your mouth as you concentrated on the task at hand.

He looked up to the ceiling and pretended the situation wasn’t incredibly uncomfortable as your raised leg kneeled on his lap in order to get the job done, face so close to his own as you tediously worked on coating his under eyes with black eyeliner. He couldn’t help but let his eyes drift to take you in, somehow you looked even more beautiful when you were in concentration. Your eyes met his and you smiled with your brows knitted together, a little unsure on why he was gawking once again. Well not really unsure, you were fairly sure. As you got back to it, Johnny posed a question,

“So you do this with Bam a lot huh?” You rolled your eyes at the insinuation of it. 

“Well yeah, ever since he saw Ville with it he begs me to do it all the time. He fucks it up whenever he tries to put it on himself.” You pulled the pencil away to admire your work as the first eye seemed done. 

“Looks good.” You smile, Johnny trying to move his head to take a look in the mirror but your hand pulling his face away. 

“Not yet. Lemme do the other one.” You repeated your movements of pulling his eye down slightly with your thumb to do the next one, brows knitted together.

Johnny looked up to you, sunken eyes boring into your face. 

“So you and Bam huh?” You scoffed, that was a sentence you heard practically everyday. 

“No. Not me and Bam. How long have I known you at this stage?!” 

Johnny smiled. “I dunno. You’re sharing a hotel room so.” His southern voice drawled. You continued penciling in the makeup. 

“Different beds idiot. MTV’s budget must be tight this year.” 

Johnny bit his lip. “So there’s nothing going on there.” 

You shook your head, “Nothing.” That’s when you finished the job, pulling away to admire your work. 

“Not bad huh?” This time you allowed Johnny to look at himself, standing up to get closer to the mirror. 

“Christ I look ridiculous.” 

You laughed, “No you don’t! This is so in right now.” You folded your arms and came up to the mirror as well to look at his face through the reflection. 

“Yeah it’s in for twenty year olds. I’m old remember?” 

You rolled your eyes. “You’re only like nine years older than me.”

Johnny flashed you a ‘careful’ look, but you smiled it off. He looked fucking hot if you were being honest, and that little crush you had on him was coming back in full force. You bit your lip as you and Johnny stared at each other for a little too long until he bustled off to the bathroom to attempt to scrub the liner off. His efforts were almost futile, a faint black still present in his waterline. 

“That’s hot! No, seriously it looks good like that.” Johnny sighed as he realised he’d have to go out with a trace of makeup on his face. 

“Are girls gonna think I’m gay?” 

You laughed, shaking your head. “Well you’ll have me on your arm so, hopefully not.” Johnny raised his brow at you but you ignored him, grabbing your purse, ready to hit the bars.

The bar everyone was meeting at was busy and bustling, a live band playing. You and Johnny arrived together of course and hit the bar immediately to get some drinks, already far too sober compared to the likes of Chris and Steve-o. You sat together in slightly close quarters, chatting amongst yourselves. You were enjoying his company, he smelled nice and the more you drank the more flirty you got. You had already punched Steve-o square in the arm when he made a dumb comment about Johnny’s ‘new look’ and an hour later his arm was draped over you. That was until Bam stumbled over to you all, clearly very drunk. 

“You have to come dance with me. Now!” He reached out and grabbed your hand, forcing you up and away from your arm candy. 

“Hey!” You called out but Bam was already pulling you onto the dance floor, hands grabbing your waist to dance with you.

You reluctantly pulled your arms up around Bam’s shoulders. Sure you loved to dance but when you did with Bam and you were drunk, the rumours were only set ablaze. You tried to catch Johnnys eyes as you swung your hips, only seeing him grit his teeth and practically glare at Bam. Was he… jealous? You looked at your dance partner who was too inebriated to have any sort of spatial awareness, simply blindly moving you around. Out of the corner of your eye you spotted an attractive looking girl dancing by herself and so you hatched a plan. As Johnny continued to glare you pushed Bam off of you and practically shoved him towards the other girl. 

“This is Bam!” You called out to her and she looked rather thrilled, must’ve been a fan. 

As the new couple began to dance once more you strutted over towards Johnny who was now looking at you like a deer in the headlights.

“Come on. You wanna dance with me right? Well dance with me now!” You slipped your hand in his and pulled him up, dragging him behind you as you set off for the floor. 

Johnny was in slight shock, his hands finding their way to your waist in a daze as you brought your arms around his neck, moving your hips with the beat. You looked up to Johnny and flashed a smug grin, 

“Were you jealous Knoxville?” 

Johnny blushed, laughing and shaking his head.

“So what if I was?”

You smiled even wider, taking Johnny’s hand from your waist and moving it down to cup your ass.

“You don’t need to be.” 

You chewed your lip as his hands felt you up on the dance floor, not caring that people might see your skirt riding up and exposing your ass. Johnny looked especially attractive as he appeared almost flustered, cheeks burning red and eyes blown out. As the music changed you moved yourself around so your back was pressed against his chest, letting his arms drape around you and push you closer to him, feeling the outline of his dick press into your ass. You grinded to the beat of the loud music, feeling his breath on your neck and his stubble grazing your skin. It felt almost too intimate right there in the middle of all the bodies, sweaty and drunk, but god did you want him. You placed your hand over Johnny’s as it pressed into your stomach to hold you there and turned around so you could whisper in his ear,

“Wanna get out of here?” 

Johnny only nodded, allowing you to lead him away from the crowds and out of the bar towards your hotel. Boy were you glad it was so close by as the desperation was radiating off of your hot bodies, clammy hands holding each other as you made your way through the streets, no talking necessary. 

You both smiled politely at the receptionists as you wandered inside the hotel, trying to act as if you weren’t as desperate as you’d ever been, silently praying no stranger would join you in the elevator on your way up. Alas you were left alone, standing side by side as the doors shut. One second later Johnny flipped himself around and slammed his lips onto yours, forcing his leg between yours so they were parted and making out with you roughly. Your hands flew up to hold his face, letting out quiet whimpers as he took you with such force. His hands were already roaming over your body, fisting the fabric of the back of your skirt in his hand and pulling it up. If you didn’t know him any better you’d think he was about to fuck you in the elevator.

That’s when you felt it jolt, stopping on whatever floor you were on. You opened your eyes and pulled away from Johnny’s mouth in a panic, thinking something had broken but instead you were met with his hand over the emergency stop button, manical grin on his face. You covered your mouth with your hand, half shocked but entirely bemused.

“Are you serious?!” You laughed, completely bewildered.

“Couldn’t wait any longer.” is all he said, immediately diving back in to kiss you once more.

As your skirt had already been pushed up over your ass, in fact bunched up around your waist, Johnny’s fingers were smoothly tucked into the band of your panties, waiting for the moment he could finally pull them down. He took the opportunity as soon as your hand reached down to palm him over his pants, pushing your body against the wall of the elevator at the same time. You let out a groan as you frantically unbuckled his pants, him eventually giving in and shoving them down to pool around his ankles instead. 

After some more hot and heavy making out, you felt Johnny’s hard cock press into the inside of your thigh and so you took matters into your own hands, freeing the member and urging him to fuck you against the cool metal walls of the box. You moaned as he entered you, his stubbly chin grazing your neck and lips kissing the skin tenderly as he began bucking his hips forward. He dug his thumbs into the skin of your waist to hold you still, your arms wrapping around his neck to brace yourself the faster he went. 

Johnny’s grunts and your whimpers echoed around the elevator, it even jolted slightly with every thrust and it almost felt surreal that heart throb Johnny Knoxville was fucking you in a hotel elevator. You hid your girlish grin in the crook of his neck, kissing and sucking on it all the while. 

“You think Bam could fuck me like this?” You whispered into his ear.

Sure it was evil but god did you love provoking the men that fucked you, it just makes everything more fun. Johnny laughed, more of a ‘fuck you’ sort of chuckle but he laughed nonetheless.

“You gonna talk about Bam while I’m balls deep inside of you?”

Johnny pulled his lips away from your neck to look you in the eye, yours as blown out as his. You grinned playfully.

“Well this means you don’t have to be jealous anymore. Your eyeliners fucking hot by the way” 

Johnny laughed.

“Shut up.”

He continued to fuck you hard, his thrusts only increasing in pace and his moans only getting louder along with yours. It wasn’t long until he got you to that familiar place, head leaning back against the wall as you were worked to the edge.

“Fuck I’m gonna come.” You managed to get out between pants, holding onto your breath as you felt the sensation creep forward. 

Johnny continued his relentless pace until you came hurtling down, the wave of pleasure washing over you and making your legs shake. The feeling of you tightening around Johnny made his breath hitch as you brought him closer to the edge.

“Can I come inside you baby?” 

You nodded, head still reeling from your orgasm. Johnny gripped your hips tightly, pushing even further into you as he came with a loud groan into your neck, the hot breath sending shivers down your spine.

The two of you remained in the same place, panting and fucked out, sweat dripping from your foreheads. Johnny’s head was still buried in the crook of your neck.

“You alright there?” You laughed, poking his cheek.

He pulled away grinning.

“That’s the hottest thing I’ve ever done.” 

You both laughed until Johnny kissed you again, your heads all foggy.

“You know we can do this again once we’re out of this elevator right?” You pulled away once his kisses got more needy, practically ready for round two already when his dick was growing soft inside you. 

He laughed as he pulled out of you, the sensation making you wince slightly. 

“Sorry.” He murmured, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

He bent down to help pull your panties back up and smooth your skirt out after buckling up his own pants. He fixed himself up a little more before pressing the emergency stop button once again as well as another button.

“Shit.” He muttered. 

“What?!”

Johnny bared his teeth.

“I accidentally pressed the reception floor.” 

You rolled your eyes and scoffed.

“Christ I hope those poor workers don’t see us again.” 

Just as you attempted to fix up your hair the doors opened to reveal none other than Bam Margera himself, arm sleazily hung over the same girl you threw him at on the dance floor. You and Johnny must’ve looked like a deer in headlights right then but Bam was far too drunk and oblivious to notice just yet.

“Oh hey guys!” He grinned, entering with his new chick, her hand dragging over his chest.

“Weird the elevator wasn’t working for a minute. What were you guys doing already in here, I thought you left like thirty minutes ago?” Bam asked but his face dropped once it dawned on him.

He observed the pair of you, your makeup all messed up with tangled hair, skirt all wrinkled and Johnny with his messy hair and lipstick stains coating his neck and collar. 

“Oh.” 

“Let’s not.” You interjected before Bam could say anything that would make your skin crawl. 

The rest of the elevator ride was painfully awkward and silent, even Bam’s girl noticing the horrible tension. Once you finally reached your floor after what felt like forever Bam spoke up.

“So uhh... can we take our room or do you want to-” 

“Take our room.” You sputtered, leaving the damn elevator as soon as possible and darting towards Knoxville’s room, desperate to escape. 

End.

@gnarkillknoxville @jackussy420 @spoookyberry @steve-osahottie @izzaaaaaa @lovexjoe @jackassvivalabam03 @kristinee

#johnny knoxville #johnny knoxville x you #johnny knoxville x reader #johnny knoxville fic #johnny knoxville ff #johnny knoxville x f!reader #jackass #jackass fic #jackass ff #pj clapp #pj clapp x reader #pj clapp x you #smut #jackass smut #johnny knoxville smut #fan fic #fan fiction #jackass writer #bam margera #ryan dunn #viva la bam #cky #cky crew #elevator sex

[sparrowsabre7]

I just want to talk about the big spectacle fight scene before the finale in "Argylle"

MAJOR SPOILERS

I really love that in Rachael Kylle we have a female lead action hero who gets to be feminine, not a tomboy, is not a stereotypically skinny build, but still gets to perform a beautifully choreographed skating routine whilst killing a whole mess of people and is repeatedly talked up as the best of the best and it's the male lead that is hopelessly more in love with her.

Just 🤌. And yes, Sam Rockwell and Bryce Dallas Howard are not unattractive but by Hollywood standards they are not "sexiest of the year" material like Cavill and Dua Lipa, and they are 55 and 42 respectively headlining an action film that doesn't lean into them as older or aging like say "Taken", the later "Die Hards" or the other recent "Old Dude Action Films" there's been a spate of lately. And it's never presented as funny that they can do these things.

#argylle #argylle spoilers #spoilers #films #elly conway

[snackugaki]

... just make an iteration* for fun, I said

a universe where they've made it into their late 30s-early 40s and they chill and can be serene in the company of friends and family for once. maybe a flashback or two for the action moments

"fix" your childhood turtles so they can have a reprieve and some shenanigans, i reasoned with myself--

WELP.

my tmnt au iteration (where everyone made it past their 20s, splinter’s alive just old, venus is here, and they deserve some goddamn respite and shenanigans)

tmnt au iteration part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9

tmnt au iteration omake 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11

lny visit 1 | 2

is this actually new ramblings for the iteration or like one new lore bit and just a rerererererehashing of lore i sprinkled across the other posts.

first though, with my sorta-outsider-not-active-participant-in-fandom history I realized "au" isn't the proper term for what I've been doing, the more suitable term is "iteration".

and we're gonna sit with the fact that even someone at my old-ass age recognized my previous understanding of a term was, for all intents and purposes, not entirely correct and that I acknowledged it, rectified when I could, and that's it, it can be that easy.

...

okay back to the bullshit.

so my Mondo was introduced in the Archie run, a funky guy with a metal band called Merciless Slaughter, dressed like a punk Hulk, all around good peoples, hung out with the Mutanimals.

His design cobbling isn't too deep, I don't think. Just thought it'd be more rad if he looked more like a guy who fronts a band called Merciless Slaughter while remaining the same ol' Mondo inside, post mutation.

Kept some of his original color palette around in his hat, his pants, his NYHC logo (links) knockoff, and his little dyed leather cord bracelets.

the letters for the logo are for, Skate or Die (across), and Merciless Slaughter (down)

hmm still waffling on if I'm more tickled by him being taller than Mikey or the same height (5'4")

_________

and now for the rererererehash rambling because none of this design progression is coming out linear for me. so super quick, am an original 90s turtlemania survivor, Rise brought me back, gorged Rise then Bay then 2007 movie then rererererewatching of Next Mutation and the 90s trilogy for fun then hacking my way back through the Archie and Mirage runs then caught up with IDW and then just... slogging through 2003 and 2012 which honestly I feel like I got the gists of through gif sets alone.

one hand I can see why old fans (90s turtlemania) didn't seem to like the Rise designs, ours really were just the same li'l green dude but in different colors and hit sticks looks-wise. But here comes Rise with all the character design classics: different shapes! different sizes! exaggeration! and that's on top of all the nudges and twists made to the usual lore; Raphael is now the oldest, Leo and Donnie are now twins, they're different species of turtles, they're tools for war, brand new antagonists etc.

idk, to me when I was watching that shit, it was fun and refreshing so... ionno, built different cope maybe to the other oldheads pissing their pantaloons still ig whatevs

what tickles me most, personally, is the utter fuckton of Rise AUs, and a few Rise-driven iterations, and also some of the other non canon media iterations. so tickled that I got hit by the makeaniterationigitis itllbefunoccocal virus too. UnU (i'm kidding, i'm having so much fucking fun) just I'm addressing the flowers I wanna give to the kids who took Rise's take on tmnt and just RAN with the "different turtle species" from full out coloring their turtles the same as the species they picked to mimicking Rise's design language with different markings.

God, the markings thing just really nestled into my heart, it's such a simple thing and yet it took Rise to just try it, not even a lot, just a little for flavorrrrr. It's just enjoyable as fuck to me tbh and I'm sharpening my teeth when I revisit my coloring choices for the 8th time... fuck where was I?

right, mine are mistakes. wrongright place at the wrongright time, mutagen was there and now they can swing swords around and eat pizza.

someone(s) was high tailing it outta a TGRI lab with some mutagen barrels, driving recklessly while a bunch of eco-vigilantes had broken out of a pet shop that was the face of a black market pet trade/medicine/exotic food racket of endangered species. hence where their bit of human pre-mutagenic contact comes from (the strike team of people who freed them from their cages because all of them were endangered species & destined for a tank, a cutting board or a pill box); including a sea turtle Venus, Leatherhead, Tokka, Rahzar, Man-Ray some others etc etc. Jennika keeping her origin because it was dope as fuck. splinter was just there watching this symphony of human fuckery happen and decided to adopt some kids with no one asking (it was tang shen's onryo that is rooted in Splinter's mind that was asking, shh)

and ever since it clicked when I was gathering ref shots, ✨sea turtle Venus just makes sense✨ to me, it's taken my brain stem and rung it like a bell for new year's nonstop and i am not mad

... fuck, I am but also am not looking forward to when I start delving into ninjutsu, ninpo, Venus' whole schtick and how the supernatural fits into this world that I definitely don't need to be fleshing out this much just to draw them chilling on April's couch.

i've got like over 70 refs, holy shit

#visdev is my enrichment activity #don't leave me alone with an idea a piece of paper and something to draw with and my thoughts in the same room #Venus lover since 98 #she's getting the most dev from visdev because I love her so #[ gestures to fanart portfolio which is like 45% Venus ] #55% turtle bullying #closing out the weekend #rambling about turtles again #ehehehehheehhh

[kaelio]

tbh i just disagree with the fandom, i think most people primarily hate marius because people wanted more devil's minion content and instead in a pagecount kind of way, armand and marius and frankly david and lestat kind of run away with it. "marius isn't punished enough" dude you don't want people to be punished for stuff. you think armand was sufficiently "punished" for killing claudia and madeline? that little guy skates. look i know how it is. i actually like devil's minion a lot and think that specific chapter is as good as it gets. but idk you can't really get mad at anne rice books for not giving you what you wanted. she would never have wanted you to have that. she would never want you to read a book that was exactly what you wanted in an unchallenging way.

and tbh if armand and daniel were clearly and confidently on on-screen-ily together at the end of blood communion i think that would also affect this discussion more than people are admitting, but the reality is daniel's status at the end of the series in general not just with respect to armand is a big fuckin ???? . i dont like that either but i don't read anne rice books to "get stuff i like", i read them like getting ready for a wet t-shirt contest where the winner gets an uzi

if david and his relationship with lestat were totally unchanged and louis did forever-die at the end and/or was straight up not around, you'd see more david hate too (where david's not POPULAR but he's not generating that much discourse honestly)

that said, feel bad for the quinn blackwood people, now there are some fans who got hosed

#tvc

[teecupangel]

Desmond as the plague doctor in AC? Like, he time traveled, and really was just done with everyone's shit. Also, he's burnt to a crisp, like he fell into a fire and shriveled up like a prune. So he kinda needs a good disguise to hide... everything. So he steals a plague doctors mask and robes to hide in plain sight.

Then people start coming to him with money and wounds. They tell him that they've been told to do 'blood letting' and they need him to do it, which makes Desmond fly into an explanation that "no that's really dumb, what he needs is water and clean bandages. The fuck makes you think losing more blood would make it better?' and eventually, when his 'crazy' ideas actually begin to work, people start to come to him for more life threatening things. And eventually he becomes known as a miracle worker.

Then Ezio stumbles across him...

Let's just say, shenanigans ensue

This ask reminded me of @wolfofartblock’s idea of a plague doctor!Desmond AU and I think they would work well together?

Like, it would definitely be shenanigans to the highest degree if Ezio stumbled across him wounded and in need of dire medical attention and it’s not like Desmond could freaking not do anything.

After that, Ezio starts becoming a regular, less because he was interested in these so-called ‘revolutionary’ medical practices that ‘has gotten a lot of doctors’ metaphorical feathers ruffled’ which was interesting, yes, but what was more interesting was that he saw what was hidden behind the mask and that’s why he keeps coming back.

To catch another glimpse.

All the while, Desmond just wants to stay under the radar but, goddamn it, it was becoming harder and harder to do because he cannot, in his good conscience, let all these ‘bad takes’ continue as it meant people would not be getting the proper care they needed to heal and not die.

At some point, Desmond would have to start writing about his methods in hopes that it would be enough to finally get all these hoity-toitis to finally be better in giving medical care.

Then, then… because of a series of events that includes a lot of people wanting to learn from him, Desmond accidentally becomes a teacher and he can’t really teach in random places so he opens up a small clinic that turns into an unofficial medical school and, at this point, Desmond is also trying to learn actual medical shit because he’s skating by using what he remembers and common sense available to a 21st-century dude like him with the added benefit of remembering some of Shaun’s rants of the many, many ways Ezio could have died by going to the doctor but that’s no longer applicable as his ‘students’ are asking questions and… and…

And…

Holy shit.

Was he an actual doctor now?

Was he an actual instructor???

What. The. Fuck.

#desmond wanted to retire #ends up being an actual doctor #AND medical instructor #our boy cannot take a break #at least no one is shouting “witch craft!!!” #uuhhh #this will probably end up as #ezides #so no usual tags #ask and answer

[oatmilktruther]

Tell me about “you skate or you die dude. you skate or die.” plsssss

ok SO. i was like “god i need to write. well its longboarding season…..” and then seat of my pants started writing about stede having a midlife crisis and trying to get into skating, except that he is not coordinated enough to be a trick skater so the handsome man at the skate shop teaches him to longboard. pure self indulgence. and lucius being my best friend.

#m #ask game #ofmd

[quitealotofsodapop]

I don’t know if your into the MCU or not. But what if Nezha from Nezha (2019) met Deadpool? Deadpool is brutal, but he has a soft spot for children. Maybe Nezha was fighting demon bank robbers and Deadpool burst through the window. Can you write action and interaction?

I feel like Deadpool would be more confused by the little kid skating around on-fire more than anything, but he's encountered weirder kids in his career. Treats Nezha like a cool little sidekick, while Nezha wonders why this weird mortal isn't afraid of him.

Nezha sees Deadpool's regenerative abilities in action and is both horrified and amazed. How can he do that?

Nezha: "Did you die too? That's why I can grow back." Deadpool, arm's growing back: "Kinda. Got super-cancer so now I can't be killed." Nezha: "Oh. I died on my birthday and my mentor turned me part lotus." Deadpool: "Bummer dude. Wanna grab some dessert after this and trauma-dump together?" Nezha: "Sure!"

Nezha gains a weird immortal friend who would kill multiple gods for him.

#nezha 2019 #deadpool #crossovers

[gaelfox]

Inspired by an ask this morning reminding me of my roots - ((Thanks @ko-konutty!)) Back in my ye olde skating days, I remember that I *hated* testing days for dance and m.i.f. Every test session there was this one dude that was paid by the rink to skate partner with everyone at every level — this dude trucked from like 6am to like 3pm before classes opened and I can only imagine how exhausting it must have been just dealing with people.

Anyway, because I enjoy subverting expectation, at the Grand Line Rec Complex, Kidd and Killer are tough-as-nails do-or-die instructors (Kidd likes freestyle, Killer focuses on technicals) that often butt heads with everyone else on the ice. Because, in reality, I’ve never known a coach to let anyone have an inch of space where they can take a mile. (We get pretty possessive of good ice.) Plus, this may just be me, but I personally find the idea of Kidd and Killer being bully bastards to everyone on the ice except the kids is pretty on par for them both.

Anyway congrats to her she passed her test and my brain continues the rot

#my art #one piece #hockey au i guess???? #eustass kid #kid pirates

[kunaigirl]

It's skate or die my dudes 🛼

#I am in my natural habitat #the lighting in my room sucks ASS but whatever #I'm just vibing lol #selfies

[erporo]

since ye like naran as much as me, do u have any headcanons to share? or thoughts >:3 just if u wanna ofc

think i do have some stuff bolt! pretty sure i won't bring anything new to the table tho

So:

they're a bi4bi couple to me, both with varying levels of preference for men

& they're very much dating.

it's kinda funny? how they started dating like fr tho:

so the one who started the whole thing was arn.

dude just kinda noticed this sassy dud one day. just training. he.. didn't think much of him tho the first time (bcs demiromantic aran is v real in my mind)

he decided to approach him one day tho. just for the fuck of it & stuff yk? and that, man- that. that kinda changed everything.

i like to think that, at first, when they were only getting to know each other, narcis actually hated aran. he thought (he thought he wasn't the only one to think that btw) the older dude was inferior to him bcs. reasons (both familial and historical (if u know what i mean :/))

his smell was something else asw: dude reeked of sweat & booze (who knew these would be just the things that'd turn him on later tho <- WHO SAID THAT)

dude was a little hella posh 18-19 yo chap tho, what else would you expect yk

so dude was constantly avoiding aran, poor dude had to literally run after the younger fella for days. combine that with constant? returns home (since i imagine aran being a v homely man).. yeah, you get hella fun months (/gen btw)

until one day, after seeing the younger man yet again (& some stuff that followed).. aran just went forward and pinned him to a wall & told him everything. straight-up. that he actually may be a fun dude to be around and that he actually wants to do exactly that n stuff like that

narcis was shocked (& kinda flattered): not bcs of the whole situation he currently found himself in, but because of what aran told him

and that's where, a few weeks later (narcis had to kinda digest what aran told him yk?).. the entire story officially started methinks

so that's where they've started spending way more time together, doing rly dumb shit at times: like remember that 1 or 2yo drawing smb did of aran (wearing a KILN!! the look ever for aran btw) & narcis just rolling around in skates, drawing graffitis? that's exactly the kind of shit they'd do on like saturdays or smth

(if smb has the link to the post with the drawing btw, feel free to leave it in the comments- that drawing's the best, i still think about it occasionally, would love to rb it)

also. THIS. u r so real for this bolt.

i also just had this dumb idea of arn trying to teach narcis how to dance an irish jig, but all narcis is doing is failinG. so there's THAT LMAOOO

here's another adorable thing tho: they eventually start sharing some clothes (like tees, aprons??),

& narcis would eventually start to genuinely like what ireland's culture got in store bcs of aran, just like aran would start to genuinely like what britain's got in store:

like rly. take a moment and imagine narcis in a bit oversized aran sweater for example. ADORABLE STUFF.

Or Narcis listening to some Dropkick Murphys or smtn & Aran listening to some brit-pop, like Blur & Oasis (yep, i think Narcis likes these two bands, esp Blur & i will die on this hill)

& there ya go. i prob forgor smth since these are some hcs off the top of ma head :*

#yeah its a fucking mess what did you expect. #hope ya enjoy whatever this is nonetheless #que #b #hcs #naran