#so I guess we can't be a community and I have to dedicate my whole online presence to fighting women in my own community 💔

[virtue-boy]

Went on a transandrophobia truther blog and instantly saw this ..

1) love the slight of hand where he says "being trans" instead of actually identifying any positionality or god forbid mentioning WOMANHOOD as a type of positionality in his post which allows him to call trans women men and completely disregard the experience of the closested trans WOMAN. Telling that your argument hinges on "after transitioning to a man I am exactly the same as a woman undercover as a man"

2) just say you're not on T and you don't know anyone who is. Like as someone who's passed as male on an off for my whole life and now fully passes as male all the time thanks to T I low key snorted reading this... Liiike let's be for real here passing as a man (and doubly so if u are binary and have the pronouns to match) and passing gives you privilege out the fucking wazoo and I literally think about it every time I leave the house, meet new people, take blue collar jobs, interact w people on public transit, walk around at night, go to gay clubs, bond w male overseers, look for roommates, etc. This is obviously extremely racialized as much as it is gendered, but there is literally not a single "privilege" I had as a girl (that was assumed to be a guy 50-70% of the time) that I lost as a guy.

3) Also how do trans men "inherently defy patriarchal manhood" I literally know a trans guy who went to jail for domestic violence against a woman like trans men are incredibly capable of accessing and enacting patriarchy and thinking ourselves justified in accessing patriarchal homosociality. Like we are literally becoming men and we don't just magically exit the patriarchal society because we aren't the men at the top of the make food chain.... a la R.W. Connel. Being trans men means we lose some for being trans but we win some because we are men. Like gay men are frequently denied their masculinity but it would be dodo brained to act like gay men have no male homosociality they can access or that no gay man has ever accessed male homosociality. Like if u believe that you actually don't know any gay history Attttt Alllllll 😭 like genuinely. We also earn more money per dollar than women in our same gender modality, that doesn't sound like "inherently defying patriarchal manhood" to me that sounds actually like a pretty typical social positionality for oppressed and marginalized men. Like in my own friend groups, at school, and in my music and promotions scene being an (openly trans) man actually has granted me actually a lot of homosociality that I can draw on.

#Mine #Transandrophobia truthers #God everytime I scratch one second below the surface on this it's just a rich topology of fucking garbage and barely disguised hatred #Of trans women like these guys genuinely see trans women as mortal fucking enemies who they are entitled to as allies but since t women #Wont just bow down and refuse to become “gender egalitarians” instead of feminists instead of considering their position in the community o #Good faith engaging w trans women in their community to build allyship and unity they just say #well we could have had unity in our #Community but all these WOMEN insist on calling me a MAN when I am the true ontological woman here #so I guess we can't be a community and I have to dedicate my whole online presence to fighting women in my own community 💔

[wc-confessions]

Going to sound like a loonie who deserves to be locked away but: warriors should end with the clans getting rid of the code and maybe their lifestyle while we're on it. Like, I know that's basically their rules and you can't have a society without rules. But honestly, it's been proven by many occasions that the code does more harm than good Hollyleaf going beserk? That was the code

Leafpool having to hand her kits to someone else? Code + Starclan with their bs

"The leader's word is the warrior code" this sounds like a recipe for a dictator to come to power but alright I guess. Lets just pretend Tigerstar didnt happen.

And many other incidents, but I don't feel like talking about them all so I'm just gonna continue my rant

I wish I could excuse all of this, but the more I think about Warrior Cats worldbuilding as a whole, the less it seems like a community dedicated to help one another and it begins to look more like a cult, right with the xenophobic views on clanless cats and other minor groups like Sisters. I wish we had more characters that openly question their lifestyle and their rules. More characters like Nightpelt, who actively question Starclan. Imagine if we had a leader character that went against the code to help other cats in need, clan cats or not. More anarchistic characters. Heck, maybe even characters that get fed enogh with code bullshit and ditch the clan lifestyle altogether.

but anyway, just gonna say this: If your rules in your story bring more harm than good, maybe you should reform them.

also anarchy is fun

.

#text #anonymous #confession #warrior cats

[autogeneratedkahootnickname]

Yeah so I'm an Amber apologist until the day I die.

I do think there's potentially a minor writing hiccup but I'm gonna set things out as best I can from my understanding.

What a lot of people don't pick up on, and what the show tries to convey in episode 5, is that Mark has been a phenomenally shitty boyfriend to Amber. We only see a few brief snippets of him cancelling some dinner plans, but this has been a constant, unfaltering issue for 3 months. 'He's late, he doesn't show, and he always has some shitty excuse.' From Amber's point of view, it wouldn't be unreasonable for her to think she means nothing to him.

But she recognises that the situation is complex, and she cares about him, and she sees that he IS trying, if not enough. So she gives him second chance after second chance. Honestly far longer than she should have done.

But yeah, their relationship is on the ROCKS for a LONG time. But since we see Mark superheroing throughout most of that, we can't put ourselves in her shoes.

So then, flash forward to Upstate U and the reveal. My controversial theory, but the one I think most makes sense in terms of writing, is that Amber didn't know Mark was Invincible until he tells her.

Amber is visibly startled when she sees Mark flying in her room. Granted she would be even if she knew, but it leans more to her not knowing than the contrary.

Amber does not know who Invincible is at Upstate U, and she never refers to him by name in the confrontation: 'I know you're a superhero', 'fly away, flyboy'. If she had known 'weeks beforehand' a cursory google would have been likely. She would be more likely to refer to him by name.

Amber is very intelligent, she's quick-witted, she's an expert at putting up walls as a defence mechanism and she hates being lied to. She would be capable of concealing her surprise, and wouldn't want to lose control in the conversation, but honestly she doesn't have to. Because her reaction seems genuine, even if its less premeditated than she puts on.

Amber goes into that interaction thinking Mark is a liar, a coward, a flake and an asshole. That interaction recontextualises him as a liar, a flake and an asshole. In different ways sure, but the end result is the same. Amber's whole issue is that she doesn't feel valued by Mark, and she's just been told that he was hiding an entire secret life from her because he didn't trust her. Also, Mark is not 'trusting her now': he's using Invincible as a retroactive get out of jail free card for being an asshole for 3-4 months. He frames it in a way that, even if its unintentional on his part, makes her out to be small, and petty, and irrational: 'because im out saving lives or protecting the planet.' It sounds like he's blaming her for being mad at him, and he's SO SURE she'll forgive him everything in that moment. She doesn't want to let him off the hook for being shitty, and Mark's behaviour isn't helping. This is supposed to convey that the way he treated her isn't ok even if he was a superhero, and he shouldn't expect it to be.

And she isn't happy about being angry with him! The scene ends with her looking pensive, conflicted, because the walls she put up in that scene do not reflect her character! She goes back to Mark to make sure he's alright, because she sees his actions in a different light, and bear in mind, at this point, Mark is still viewed by the public as someone who played a pretty substantial role in killing around 50,000 people at a guess. She's not going back to him because he's a hero now. He's public enemy number 2. That is an INCREDIBLE amount of integrity and dedication, traits she's displayed repeatedly throughout the season through her grassroots support of local communities.

William literally says in his pep talk to Mark:

'But you were a shitty boyfriend to Amber and you got what you deserved'. This is Mark's number 1 fan. Laying it out in front of us.

And last, but of course, not least,

Guys she's fucking seventeen cut her some slack jesus christ she's not a calculator

#invincible #amber apologist #well not an apologist coz that implies she did something wrong #like. i wont lie a lot of it does feel misogynistic? #'innocent man persecuted by crazed nagging irrational girlfriend' hmmm #dont like it #she deserves so much better #like some people literally say she's worse than omni-man because 'at least he had a coherent world view' really? fucking really? #edit: since making this post i have learned about the term misogynoir #which i feel is very applicable here

[kalgalen]

Open letter to my mother

(or, a rebuttal to the 1k email my mom sent me about my upcoming transition. Tw: transphobia, self-harm)

First, and I say this will all the love in the word (and an healthy dose of disbelief): what the fuck is wrong with cis people?

I'm gonna skip right over the fact that you had the gall to call this a "text analysis" when you actually dedicated only one paragraph to actually describing the text I got published and used the rest to utterly dismiss my community and I. That disappointment, though, is nothing compared to the anger and grief that the rest of your email has awaken in me.

You talk about respect, but you refuse to respect my decision to make my own body more comfortable to me. Worse than that, you disrespect my friends by deciding you get to be the judge determining who conforms to your outdated ideas on gender enough to be allowed to transition. How dare you?

Speaking of daring, how dare you imply that we, the LGBTQIA community, need to be more tolerant and inclusive of people who don't understand us? Do you realize that in many cases it means they want our death? You're a white woman. You've never had to deal with a huge portion of the population wanting you to stop existing, or at least to stop "putting your identity in everyone's faces" - aka, essentially, to (hope you guessed it) stop existing. I'm not asking for understanding from every single old crusty conservative guy, just that they leave us the fuck alone.

You make wild assumptions about me in your email. Do you really think my therapist helped me accept myself? I only came out to her last year when I decided to medically transition, because I was finally confident in my ability to make that choice. We had never talked about gender before. Why would you want to take that away from me? Why would that "self-respect" you're talking about entail me going back on my steps? Why can't it be about me embracing my identity, making my body mine in a way that doesn't involve self-harming?

On that subject, you've never shown concern when I was cutting into my arms on the daily. You acknowledged it, sure, but what did you do except demand that I stop? You have no right to criticize my choice of changing my body. You lost it long ago.

You encouraged me to get a breast reduction last year when I started the process of wanting to transition. You still thought I was cis then, but since it was a surgery for cis people, it was fine and dandy. Now that I want to cut it all off so I don't have to deal with binders anymore (which are indeed quite dangerous for the person wearing them, not to mention uncomfortable) you believe you can go against that. You have to see how irrational that is.

You talk about detransitioners but I'm willing to bet you haven't done more research past "some people regret transitioning." Do you know most people stop transitioning because of transphobia? You, cis people, are killing us one way or another.

Why do you fucking think you can explain gender to me. "We all have a part of masculinity and femininity inside of us" yeah no kidding?? You're telling that to a nonbinary person, that's the whole concept (although not only - but I won't get into it since it'll just confuse you more.) You dare "explaining" to me what androgynity is and why it would "fit me more". You think your couple of hours of half-assed research are enough to compare with my lived experience? With my discussions with like-minded people? With decades of self-determination by a community that is older than you? Also fuck you for implying I've only decided to call myself nonbinary because it's "fun". You don't know anything.

You ask me if sexuality is involved in choosing a gender - and it might be for some but newsflash, trans gay people exist. Additionally, I am asexual - not that you bothered to do research about that. "Before loving a sex we love a way to be, a philosophy, a way to think" fuck off I've known that since I was old enough to fall in love.

Anyways. You'll never read this, because you would only think I'm throwing a tantrum - because you're so sure you're right, and not ready to listen. Whatever, I don't give a shit. I will try and answer your concerns later when I'm not so pissed off, but for the moment I cannot help you.

Lovingly, your child.

#perso #transgender #ok to rb #actually - encouraged to be rb #don't let me be alone in my rage

[dogboyklug]

part 1 - [you are here!] - part 3

yepyep . making true on my promise to make this a three parter i guess! hopefully the final part will be out soon

disclaimer: i am not blaming trans women as a whole for my trauma, nor am i saying that the patriarchy doesnt exist. lol. ok bye

text transcript / partial id once again under the cut!

UH-OH! part 2: no lol

i was a

uh

xenogender kid? double-rainbow freak?

[a drawing of very slightly younger me, awkwardly smiling and going "yaaaay".]

we don't have any slurs i think which is good but you get the idea

i tried a

[caps] LOT [end caps]

of other terms before i really settled with this one

[a drawing of a man with a shadow over his eyes. he has two sharp horns protruding out of his head. the drawing is captioned "genderfaun".]

[a drawing of little me singing "lemon boy" by cavetown, captioned "soft boi".]

[and, finally, a drawing of a slightly abstract creature with a long dress and tall horns, drawn in grey, and with vines crawling around it, captioned "voidpunk [hi fomes]']

it wasn't an instant click.

it took a lot of hearing the word, seeing the community in the corner of my eye, and finding 15 subreddits before i started thinking

[a drawing of younger me, looking at a subreddit, and going "oh, shit,"]

[followed by a decently well-drawn frontal sketch of me, genuinely smiling, sparkles around him, going "it me!!!"]

okay, so, like,

[caps] THIS. [end caps]

this has to be it.

i'm happy

i know who i am

i know [caps] WHAT [end caps] i am

i found an amazing community with amazing people working together to create something beautiful

[caps] THIS [end caps] is the end [caps] RIGHT?????

[a drawing of me, sobbing cartoonishly, my glasses foggy due to the tears.]

[followed, in the next page, by a half-view of my face, my glasses clouded due to light shining on them harshly.]

turns out knowing yourself and who you are and where you belong

isn't always quite enough.

[a drawing of me, face down, cushioned by my arms, my glasses next to me. below the drawing, black spikes rise, covering the bottom half of the comic.]

a lot of things happened very very quickly.

at least it sure felt that way

[a drawing of me, white against black, staring in horror at my phone.]

turns out my brother wasn't the only person who didn't believe my identity made sense.

there was - and probably still IS - a group of trans people dedicated to making sure trans men know their place.

we are the oppressors, we cannot be oppressed, no men can be oppressed.

no men can be [as in, feel] harmed. no men can be kind. no men can be loving. no men should be allowed to exist

testosterone is poison. it makes you violent, and it makes you cruel. it makes you ugly, and unlovable.

you are encroaching on trans territory by simply existing as a trans man.

anything you do or say or think or feel or know is at the expense of the oppressed. of trans women

your existence harms them and must be stopped.

[a crude, nearly featureless drawing of me, holding my glasses, staring in shock.]

i was fourteen ish when someone i knew on a discord server asked,

"if all men were to be killed and you were included would you feel gender euphoria?"

[a drawing of younger me, looking at his phone, one eye obscured, going "huh?"]

she was a trans girl and i think her name was lily.

but, uh, obviously,

men are oppressors

[a drawing of me, looking to the ground.]

men can't be oppressed

men can't be hurt! so

it's fine.

so if you really ARE hurt or oppressed,

[caps] YOU'RE A WOMAN [end caps]

and that means you feel dysphoric

[a drawing of me, gripping at my own shirt, staring at the camera, smiling in fear.]

and you wouldn't want to feel dysphoric, right?

that's

[caps] REALLY

THE WORST

PART OF

THIS

SITUATION

RIGHT?

[an incredibly messy, quickly-scribbled drawing of me, quite literally falling apart, now grinning slightly wildly, massive bags under his eyes.]

[caps] THE WORST POSSIBLE OUTCOME [end caps]

[in large font] ...uh oh.

[a small drawing of me, a single tear coming out of one of my eyes, a hand raised up as if to brush it away, obviously scared.]

#trans #transphobia #transmasc #ftm #klug's sketches #ohno comic

[sarandipitywrites]

saran's year of writing (2023)

hey y'all! saw a couple posts like this floating around and thought i'd hop on the train, because this year has been WILD for my writing (in a really good way). let's start with the bullet points version and i'll put the details under the cut. here we go:

I JOINED WRITEBLR

shared snippets of my work with other, actual humans!

made friends?!

started (and finished!) draft 2 of Dead Roots, Dark Water

wrote 1 short story for every week in october (that's 5 stories in a month! that's great for me!)

first NaNoWriMo in 10 years (and i finished it!)

drafted and re-drafted The Art of Empty Space

started draft 3 of Dead Roots, Dark Water

details, links to projects, me getting maybe a tad too personal, and those all-important wordcounts under the cut:

I JOINED WRITEBLR

i just realized i only started participating at the beginning of october, but it feels like i've been hanging out with you all the whole year 😅 maybe that means i should cut back a bit? nah...

really though, this year was the year i started taking my writing more seriously (not in a 'gotta get published' kind of way, but in a 'writing makes me happier than anything else and that's enough reason to set aside time and energy for it without feeling hella guilty' kind of way) and seeing you all posting your work and being so positive and encouraging to each other was what helped me get up the nerve to join in. and i can say without a doubt that it's the best choice i've made all year. y'all are such a supportive community and i've never once felt like i was encroaching or didn't belong here (and for me, that's really saying something)

so i guess what i'm getting at is: THANK YOU! i've loved reading your snippets and projects this year, and i'm way more confident in my own than i've ever been 💜 y'all are good peeps

Dead Roots, Dark Water

word count (edited and written): 187,789

that's a lotta words! DRDW is both my longest work wordcount-wise, and the work i've dedicated the most time to... probably ever. and i'm SO happy with it, it's a little concerning (/positive)

DRDW is now on its THIRD draft, and (assuming i don't do a massive re-edit) should be ready to start posting in 2024! *excited screaming* i've never released anything i've written in its entirety (the snippets i've been posting are actually a lot more than i've ever shared before), so this is MASSIVE for me and i'm both excited and terrified! overall, though, it's a very, very good thing

Short Stories

this october, i decided to challenge myself to do several things i don't ever do: write short stories; write them on a timeline; and share them. and i did! i wrote one short story for each week in october, and posted them here. they're far from my best work, and due to the timeline, they never could have been my best, which oddly i think helped make it easier to post them? they were also the first pieces i shared here (or anywhere)! they're not awesome, but i'm proud of them and i'm proud of myself for sharing them

NaNoWriMo and The Art of Empty Space

i've done nano once before, ten years ago. i was in college and had a lot more time then (and a job where i could spend the entire day just writing - i didn't know how good i had it), and even so i remember struggling to reach my word goal. but by the power of writing everything in wingdings so i can't second-guess my word choices, i made it this year! and even though i decided to challenge myself by writing a romance-heavy project (something i've historically avoided because IT'S HARD FOR ME, DAMNIT), i love AES and its characters and that feels fucking awesome.

even though my brain decided to spring a surprise plot restructure on me and now i have to rewrite like half of it. it'll be better for it, though, so it's all good 🥲

What's Next?

my plan for early 2024 is, of course, going to be to work on draft 3 of DRDW with the hope of getting some chapters posted (they are LONG, so i'll probably post to tumblr in chunks and the full, unbroken chapters on Ao3 due to formatting). once that's ready, i'll be able to return my attention to AES and getting draft 1.5 all written up. i've mostly figured out where the plot's going there, so it'll just be writing it up to figure out the gaps. if i'm able to write something for november again next year (which i really hope i will; nano did some great things for AES), it'll probably be one of the other Jak & Daxter fics i have kicking around in my head, because i am Obsessed (and switching it up between working on fanfic and original fic seems to work well for my brain).

i've been not super active here for the last month or so because Real Life Work is kicking my ass, but hopefully that will calm down and i'll be able to do more of what i want: writing wild shit, reading your wild shit, and screaming about it together 💜

good vibes and best wishes to everybody in the new year 🥂

#ayearofwriting #a year of writing #writeblr #2023 #writers on tumblr #saran rambles #the art of empty space #dead roots dark water

[ruri-rari]

Some SVSSS volume 3 thoughts, in no particular order:

Su Xiyan is the most tragic character in the story. If what was revealed by Wu Chen and extrapolated by Shen Qingqui is true, this women was raised by and dedicated her life to a master who clearly had impure intentions (we can only guess what went on, but based off the Old Palace Master's gross reaction to Binghe in the Holy Masoleum and the whole... torturing her while she was pregnant thing, I fear it can't have been pleasant.), and then met and ended up falling in love with a young man who loved music, poetry, and humans as a whole despite knowing she shouldn't, got pregnant, and finally died a horrificly painful death without ever knowing what became of her lover or her newborn child. SHE DESERVED SO MUCH MORE!

Wu Chen is the true MVP and idk why more fans don't talk about him? Is it because he's a bald old monk??? Give him love too, he was a very much needed ally and voice of reason throughout all the chaos that is the BingQui show.

Shen Qingqui is a low-energy extravert and Luo Binghe is a high-energy introvert. This explains why they are perfectly obsessed with each other. It also explains why Bingge has a harem of hundreds. No I will not be taking any criticism on this, next!

Speaking of BingQui being perfectly obsessed, OH MY GOD the shitshow courtship that is the third novel!!!! Luo Binghe finding and latching on to every little thing he can do to keep Shizun (the sudden swerve from "must respect Shizun" to acting as needy/pushy/horny Shizun will allow, THE TEARS, the loudly declaring that he respects no one in this goddamn room EXCEPT Shizun, thank you very much) and the fact that IT WORKS!!!!!!! That kiss woke up all of Shen Qingqui's repressed everything (not that he'd even let himself admit to being aware of that) and each next ridiculous behavior Binghe adopted just fed into that until he finally wasn't scared of Binghe! Actually, he in fact feels many gooey, positive feelings about his disciple and he'd appreciate it if no one brought it up, okay?

That's not to say that Binghe was at any point ✨ Okay and Sane ✨ . This was maybe him at his most desperate, but he'd been living with that neverending and growing desperation for so long that Shen Qingqui didn't realize until it was almost too late.

The Maigu Ridge sex scene did exactly what it was supposed to do and WHO THOUGHT THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE READ AS HOT!?!?!?

The ending was incredibly satisfying and romantic. Shen Qingqui waking up and being peezed the Binghe isn't there? Him seeing Binghe standing at the bottom of the stairs while there's a huge celebration going on around them? The two of them finally communicating???? "THIS MASTER WILL FOLLOW YOU ANYWHERE"?????? my poor heart couldn't take it 😭

#svsss #svsss spoilers

[mosspapi]

hai ok prefacing this by saying i know ur not a medical doctor butttt im just getting community input i guess so i have some form of motor/vocal tics and like. idk i definitely wouldnt say it's a CONSCIOUS decision for me to tic (like jerking my arm or whatever) but i feel it impending... like i know im going to tic within the next second or wutever. or there's like this looming energy that i will tic.

im wondering if im gaslighting myself into thinking that it's not conscious decision when it actually is, if that makes sense. like if i am subconsciously deciding to jerk my arm. i wonder that then i'll hold a skewer and accidentally stab myself with it without realizing until it happened lol like... input pretty please? i guess what i want you to answer is if you know of some factor that will let yourself know whether or not you're ticcing on purpose. or something like that. pretty please. this has been going on for 3 years but it stopped happening for over half a year and there's been breaks in between, does this sound like tourettes to you? it's just so confusing cuz i have no reason to tic, it's genuinely so annoying

dont answer anything ur not comfortable with of course, im just kinda at a loss and i'll ask my parents to go to a neurologist or something soon. thank you so much by the way

Hello anon! No worries, ur all good. And that's definitely a very common thing with Tourette's as far as I'm aware- like for me it won't be every tic, but I can definitely tell when it's gonna happen for a lot of them. I've even been thru a whole branch of therapy dedicated to helping notice those warning signs and being able to counteract the tic if it's smth hurtful/dangerous (like I had one that was punching myself in the head which. Isn't ideal lmao. So we spent a few weeks finding out how it felt to do the tic, where it came from, how I noticed it, etc, and developing an "inverse" action to do instead so it wouldn't happen as much, such as stretching my arm if the tic felt like tension, if that makes sense).

It's also very common that thinking about a tic will make you tic when you have Tourette's, so if that's part of what's worrying you (IE "oh I'm just faking it/doing it on purpose without realizing because I do it when someone mentions it"), that's ironically a sign that it's Not fake lmao

And Tourette's does sort of come and go, there will be "better" times and "worse" times- I don't know for how long it's considered normal to be "better", so I can't say whether 6+ months of Nothing would make it not Tourette's, but it very well still could be, or at least some other tic disorder.

I would definitely recommend trying to see a professional abt it since there are potentially other causes for tics that aren't Tourette's, but at least from my personal experience it does very well sound like that's what it could be. Hopefully it all goes smoothly for u! And hopefully this all made sense lol, I'm a little tired atm so if anything is incoherent just lmk and I'll try again /g

#not sure if I should main-tag this with anything or not lmao #armchair answers

[lunaticus-platina]

Another analysis about Travis' terrible, terrible social skill. And what Oc I'll possibly need to assign him so the whole disaster gets prevented and his sunshine of a niece doesn't get killed cuz IF IT IS A CHOICE BASED GAME I NEED ALL THE OPTIONS. ALL KILL ROUTE AVAILABLE WHERE'S MY ALL LIVE ROUTE

Travis' horrible communication skill brought so many troubles but it so endearing.

Giving them poems, of all things. Instead of just telling them. So goddamn cautious, keeps asking questions, keeps testing them, keeps feeling them out, clearly, he doesn't even wanna be near the holding cells, it's the last place he wanna be. Guilt eats him alive.

Maybe they'll cooperate. Help me out. The sooner the curse is over, the sooner I can let them out. My family don't need to know. No one will believe these two, anyway.

Meaningless interrogation just to see how they react. His back to the cell, gun plain in sight, just waiting for Laura to reach for it, seeing if she'll go for it. 'Really.' At Max's poor attempt at escape. Assessing them the entire time.

I wonder why he hides so much. His default response is clamming up. He only ever says 'long story' and never elaborates. Has he never had anyone to talk to or smth? His family's horrible so it kinda makes sense. He always tries to solve everything on his own. Do things his way. Doesn't even talk to Laura and just cuffs her roughly to the pipe, manhandles the two.

What he needs:

1. Someone intuitive since he won't say a damn, gotta read him and the situation like a book. Or persuasive and got a goddamn degree in negotiation, so he'll open up enough to spill.

2. Someone who got his back. Got knows he needs it. Being the only police officer around the area must be tough too, despite the 'small quiet town' rep, we all know the entire forest is fking cursed.

3. Charmer. Or at the very least polite and sweet. FUCK YOU CONSTANCE ahem. Sorry. The man seems to have smth against name calling, cuz, you know, that one screeching lady in his family that degrades him like no other, and 'his ma' said he likes to flash his badge around or smth, and while I hate that woman, Travis does seem to like it when his position is respected, cuz he takes his job pretty seriously.

So whenever he does the 'right thing', or tries his hardest, it'll be nice to have his personal emotional support person that points out all his good deeds and appreciates them. He's a providing type, after all.

4. Someone huggable. He needs to be hugged as many times as possible. Just cuddle and sleep. By god let him sleep.

5. Someone who fking listens to him when he tells them to. Like, not blindly obedient, but Laura, maybe if a menacing cop warns you not to go somewhere, maybe not risk it? One night at Harbinger Motel wouldn't have killed you. When someone looks at me that seriously and tells me not to do smth, I usually assume there's a good reason. And usually I'm right.

6. Someone who can call him out on his bs. Cuz the man can be so dense sometimes. No you can't just lock up two American citizens for 2 months and not tell them shit. That is way too close to the cell, relocate her if you don't want to come back to find bits of her face lying on the ground.

7. Someone who's at least moderately social and talkative, with quick wits, so they can cover him where he fails. If you tell someone NOT to do smthing, Travis, without telling them WHY, guess what happens? Yeah. They ain't fucking around to find out, if you say the camp's closed, private property, bear sighting, and probably spook them with little bit of wild animal attacks around the area. Not too hard is it.

8. Who's just as determined. Because he admires strong dedication. Once he sees they're ride or die, he'll be hooked.

9. Someone who understands the importance of family, and also the danger of dysfunctional ones. He knows no one person is supposed to look after an entire family. So he needs someone who understands why he does what he does, but point out that his family's supposed to look out for him, too.

He struggles between duty and family, so if someone helps him find a healthier balance in-between, he'll be so relieved.

10. Someone who knows how to deal with his darker aspects. He ain't no saint is he? With enough pressure he can get nasty too. Towards anyone, especially to himself. Someone who can 'handle' that evil in him will get to enjoy a good man Travis who has that part of himself conquered.

There are probably more things I gotta look through. But I'm starting to get the picture. I got just the right person for you, Sheriff.

Hopefully pairing a police officer with ex-convict won't give him too much of a headache.

#travis hackett #the quarry #sheriff hackett #character study #character analysis #writing #rant #my ocs #oc code: lumber #oc lumber #my writing #headcannon #fanfiction idea

[barbieb0y]

journey: INTERNET OVERDOSE.

yeah yeah shameless song reference in the title but hey it fits my acc's theme

if you can't guess it yet, in this one i'll be talking about my relationship with the internet. of course, i still mostly am on the internet, or at least on my pc and phone, but i'm doing a whole lot better than i did a few years back lol

anyways sit back bc this is gonna be a long one.

i've always had a fascination with modern gadgets, considering i grew up with gaming consoles and a dad who's a computer science graduate.

but i never used these gadgets to actually engage with the wide community on the internet - it was mostly for playing video games, to nobody's surprise. not that i was old enough to really understand anything that's being said on the net; then again, even toddlers are being let on to social media these days.

it truly started when i was around 11. though technically it doesn't classify as a social medium, i remember being on quizup. it was there where i had my first real taste of online social interaction - it's just that it wasn't too memorable so i buried it in the depths of my mind. what came after is much more interesting (despite the sudden onslaught of... graphic pictures of the popstar that clogged the taylor swift quiz community section at one point, but i digress).

it was there where i discovered about amino - a friend of mine there shared a screenshot of what seemed to be a community dedicated to blogging exclusively about taylor swift (i was a swiftie okay you don't have to rub it in) and curious, i asked them what it was. they told me it's an app called amino and you can join any community within the app. for whatever reason, that dragged me in.

i installed amino. i joined my first ever community - the swifties community (or as we call it, swifties amino). while amino is notorious for its roleplaying community, i participated in none of that (i would argue that there is nothing roleplay about in a community about the worldwide popstar taylor swift but terminally online people are well... creative enough to come up with anything). if anything, i think i barely chatted with any of the people in that community. i mostly did my own thing, which is lurking. the only thing i remember posting was fan-made gifs of the song "out of the woods".

no, what really started my chronically online phase was none other than the sims amino. and here's the funny part - i wasn't even a massive sims fan at the time. my only exposure to it is playing the sims freeplay and the sims 2 on my old psp. but since the app was still new (or at least, the main app - there were always the standalone aminos that were their own apps, including a sims amino app i believe), it was one of the only aminos available at the time that didn't really intimidate me. so i joined, for whatever reason.

it was a small community. almost everyone was new. i remember using basic gif filters to edit pics of sims was mind-blowing back then. most people actually play the sims 4, which was new (and paid; expensive at that) at the time, and it made me jealous - i only had a mobile game and an old game to speak for. and that year, i actually begged my mom to buy me a copy of the game. once i got good grades for an exam that year, i got my copy i ordered online which was, funnily enough, the first instance of online shopping i did that i can recount. (fun fact: i also got the get together expansion pack but i don't remember if that was the same year or not)

i wanted to be like everyone else, posting their sims with a pretty gradient background. i read blogs on how to edit. i wrote my own nonsensical, corny stories that i keep cancelling because i couldn't commit. there was a point where i'd post everyday. a point where i put my deepest, darkest thoughts into an amino post because i thought it'd be entertaining. honestly, it would've been simple if it was just that.

but there was a desire for approval.

if you didn't know, aminos have this section called the "feature page" and upon entering an amino, you're instantly greeted with this section. mods can pick certain posts they think are feature-worthy and put them there. we called it "featuring" posts. it's supposed to bring attention to these posts that deserve more attention. i can't remember the first time i got featured but by god was it exhilarating.

logging in and seeing my post, sometimes at the top if it was still newly featured, was like being fed food after not having eaten for a week. i didn't know i was so starving for attention until that moment. or maybe i never craved it - that amino only sparked that need, that thirst.

i remember i would feel particularly down if a post of mine (that i think deserves to be featured) was ignored and only got 20 likes instead of 300. it's funny to think about that now because nowadays, from what i've check briefly on the web, even featured posts get only 12 likes at best. it's eerie to see an amino in such a state. it's like a graveyard.

it kind of give me the image of what it would be like if we actually destroyed the internet.

this is also where i found my first ever friend group. i remember all their (user)names still. back then, i had a tendency to "fictionalize" the people i knew, including myself. i remember making sims that "represented" us. they were even color-coded, with mine being red because that was my favorite color at the time. i've also fictionalized friends outside that group. wrote a fictional story including us living fictional lives, loving fictional men i created, even straight-up putting these characters in situations that should've made my friends uncomfortable. but they never said anything about it. i was lucky. but also not.

one of the members of this friend group actually inspired me to start writing because they were a writer themselves. and after time, they decided to make an amino of their own, exclusively for writing. all four of us joined and some others - including my very own biological sister. i still think of that place as a safe haven; it's a small place with mostly familiar faces and i can write anything i want with little to no judgement.

eventually we all started leaving amino. or at least, they did. i always had trouble moving on when it came to friends leaving, for whatever reason. but perhaps it's because i always had a small glimmer of hope inside of me that told me "but what if they come back?" and that i have to be there when they come back. but they never did.

i was feeling dejected by then. i tried searching for another amino to belong in. fortunately, around the same time, i've been joining my sister in on her danganronpa marathon so i've taken a liking to the franchise. and so that meant i was more than eligible to join danganronpa amino.

i joined. everything happened in a blur - yet it feels like i could remember it all crystal clear too. i remember posting my first ever fanfic there. i don't remember what my first post was. i remembered what was probably could only be described as falling platonically in love with your best friend. i don't remember if i had breakdowns there or not. i remember fictionalizing people and them enabling it yet again. i don't remember what i said to make people even like me.

i remember being ghosted by the girl i loved.

and i remember it cutting deep.

after all the posts i wrote about her, for her, after messaging her "i love you" everyday even after she left, after everything.

i held on. just in case she came back. but she never did. they never do.

i couldn't read any instances of her name for a while after that. being there made me yearn for all the good times again and finally, after a while of holding on to that little glimmer of hope, somehow, i left.

either i was already a part of it or until after i left danganronpa amino did i join bandori amino. i had little to no negative experiences here - if anything, i was the negative experience. i had a deep hatred for this one character back then and for whatever reason, i often had to make it known to others. but otherwise, all i really did was post edit sets, post blogs explaining why i love the characters i love and sell reroll accounts (and no the price is not real money. it's amino coins). there was a point where i did lose my game account to a scammer posing as an account farmer though.

but things really went down once i joined a3! amino, a bit after i joined bandori amino. i simply wanted to be surrounded by people who enjoys the same game i do but boy oh boy did i get more than i bargained for.

don't get me wrong. a3! amino is still a memorable place for me and i have friends and family i made through it that i am still connected and close with to this day. but to say that it was all positive would be a lie.

underneath the facade of a welcoming community, i could see fights breaking out and users making fun of each other behind each other's backs. i thought i wouldn't ever be a part of all that but well, life is unpredictable, isn't it?

i had these 3 friends. 2 of them were adults, 1 around my age. these adults does not get along with the 1 kid - and honestly, i do not blame them because this kid is insufferable and i was just too naive to really accept it earlier. that i was just friends with her because i pitied her.

one of the adults told me to tell this kid that she has problems, blah blah blah, whatever. i told my friend to get her shit together and solve her own problems and not drag me into it. well, guess what? i got dragged into it. she got mad at me instead, telling me i shouldn't listen to my other friend.

it's to the point where i would feel uncomfortable interacting with any of them. i didn't know what to do. and i don't remember what the resolution was anyway. i only remember how the whole situation made me stressed out like never before. i simply wanted everyone to get along. it seemed so easy before.

another minor dilemma i experienced was when i joined this entertainment team. and though that was where i met my younger sibling and close friend, it was also where my inferiority complex grew. everyone in the team was an artist - except for me. i was the only writer accepted, for whatever reason. though i am honored, at some point, it just made me feel small.

we published a new edition of our magazine, which was in the form of a post. everyone's submissions were amazing - and to close it all off, my fanfic was featured at the very bottom. i had hoped it would make people happy - and now i have no doubt but it must've - but one comment, though innocuous, i took to heart. the user praised all the art featured in the post,

but did not comment on my writing.

i thought that my work is not worth reading. not worth consuming. not worth experiencing, just because you can't just take it in by simply looking. and knowing me, i'm known for how quickly i lose motivation. that one comment was enough to bring me down. i brought it up with my other teammates and they sympathized with me, but eventually i had to leave due to my lack of motivation and, again, inability to commit to anything.

i left both the team and amino altogether. i couldn't take what this app was doing to me anymore. i needed a new start. and somehow, somehow, past me thought twitter was a good idea. most likely because some of my friends were already on twitter by then.

i moved. i made an account. behaved like any other twitter user would - with delusion. eventually, i made two accounts. then 3. then many more. there was my public account, my private, a writing account, a gimmick account, roleplaying accounts (ironic how i got into roleplaying after leaving amino), bot accounts, the works. i was still desperate for attention, for approval, for acceptance still.

again, just like amino, i've had positive experiences with twitter; as amusing as it is, i've met most of my current friends through twitter, through the many, many accounts i made. i fondly remember how a friend of mine messaged a roleplaying account i ran and told me that i'm doing such a great job and how they really appreciate me. i didn't think my actions held so much meaning and significance to someone. and to think there might be more out there who holds the same regards but are not bold enough to tell me.

i've had my dark moments of course. who hasn't impulsively, secretly deactivated when they were feeling like garbage to see if people would notice if they're gone or not? it did work once for me so it's not completely foolproof; but it is also, obviously, unhealthy. it's done nothing but feed into my delusion that nobody cared about me when, really, they do but they need to care about themselves - or even someone else who needs it more - at that time.

i've felt isolated too. it seemed like everyone was good at something, or at least part of a majority, except for me. it was like secondary school all over again. i remember being one of the only men in the self-shipping community and even then, i didn't self-ship romantically and/or sexually so it basically meant nothing. i was nothing.

then came the thing that pushed me to the edge.

it was an innocent tweet. out of curiosity, i was simply asking fellow aroaces at the time if they mind being in a non-platonic relationship. suddenly, a mutual of mine came into my replies with a screenshot taken from my rentry. the screenshot read "i don't think all the bandori girls are lesbians". the caption read "now what is this".

i didn't think much of it at first. it's unrelated to what i was asking and besides, shouldn't have they known that when they checked my rentry before they followed me? it barely took a few minutes for people to come and attack me for it though. first it was just 2 people. then 3. then suddenly hundreds were quote-retweeting me with nasty comments and even some death threats. only 2 of my friends defended me. only a gimmick account i liked was respectful to me.

i laugh at the incident now but at that time, i felt myself break. when i hugged myself, i could hear cracks. i asked myself if i should listen to those death threats after all. maybe they'll be satisfied if such a terrible person like me, who dares misrepresent some anime girls, died at their hands.

i held on, for the sole reason that national exams were nearing and that it's a bad decision to let a bunch of stupid terminally online maggots decide whether i live or die because of fictional girls. but it still affected me greatly. i went private.

one day, i was having it particularly bad. i remember that evening vividly: i forgot i accidentally released one of my cats and i had no idea where she went. she's been out since morning and hasn't come back for a few hours now. i start crying while studying, feeling guilty for not just her but everything. i never seemed to be able to do anything right. i called myself a cursed child, that i'm nothing but a burden and an abomination.

i deactivated, thinking it's just one of those times.

i cried, until the cat showed up at my door eventually. i felt relieved by then, that maybe im not such a failure after all. i debated reactivating now that i felt better but i thought that i could probably focus on studying better if i didn't. so i didn't.

the days i went on without twitter were the most liberating and peaceful days i had. nothing else was on my mind other than studying. i'd study while listening to my favorite albums, with a tinge of curiosity as to what's happening on twitter at the time. but i persisted.

eventually, i came back - but only to announce that i'm quitting twitter and make sure my friends know how to keep in contact with me. it only lasted a few days.

then i deactivated.

permanently.

it felt like a huge burden's been lifted off my shoulders. to this day, i haven't attempted to make a new account at all, even though i had the urges. but i'm proud to say i've been clean of twitter for a year and a few months now.

fast-forward to the present day, i am now on tumblr again and it's a peaceful alternative. plus, i'm not on here all the time like i was with twitter. it's just easier to search for content here, what with the tags and all. and it's the only social media i need.

people can say that i'm missing out for not having instagram or tiktok all they want. i'm comfortable where i am right now.

plus, maybe they haven't overdosed like i have just yet.

crazy to think ive been on the internet for like what 7 years now? but it was my only safe space for a while (and still is to some extent) so i dont blame past me

tomorrow will be the last day i post something for this miniseries. i already have a draft in the works so stay tuned~

#shut up safar

[sophieinwonderland]

I see you have been very active on r/SystemsCringe lately. Have you lost your faith in humanity yet?

It's definitely been an... interesting experience...

On the one hand, it's a subreddit dedicated to mocking people on the internet, where posts asking people to not bully minors get responses like this one:

BUT the next comment in the chain was this:

This is a very important and solid take to see. Even if opposing the bullying of children is perhaps the lowest of bars.

But we can't ignore that this same user has also claimed the endogenic community started with a group identifying as "sane plurals."

Which isn't a thing. I mean, maybe I missed that part of the Plural Deep Dive, and @subsystems can help me out, but the only source I can find from Google is this random tweet from last year:

Misinformation on this subreddit runs rampant. As does hate. But there are some takes that are at least more reasonable than those from some anti-endos from other sites. At least common sense things like the fact that "an endophobic Pride Flag is stupid." And also that using an app for a purpose it wasn't intended for isn't taking that app away from others.

Because though /r/systemscringe is horrible and the people there are more malicious, by far the most mind-bogglingly dumb take I've seen over the past few days wasn’t from there. It was a comment on TikTok that claimed singlets using Simply Plural was literally the equivalent of an able-bodied person stealing a wheelchair. I... need a whole separate post detailing all the reasons this is stupid.

Of course, amidst the common sense takes on the matter, you also have tons of fakeclaiming... and then the transmed showed up...

Just... ugh... look, I'm not going to bother responding to this. I'm just going to take another comment from the same post out of context to do it for me.

Thank you, /u/ghostcorpse, for destroying both the systems gatekeeping Simply Plural AND the transmeds!

Also, on the subject of posts I need to make, I also have an ask in my inbox from /u/FakerBaiter asking for links to research on endogenic systems, and I'd like to take my time with the response and make it as thorough as possible.

So, faith in humanity? I don’t know.

Many of the systems there are hurting, lashing out to give themselves some semblance of control over their lives. Many of the singlets have been raised in a society where people with the mental illness or the appearance of mental illness have been othered by society, and belittled for being different, and are just continuing the same ableist and sanist rhetoric they've been taught.

Of all the hate and misinformation I've seen there, very little of it was actually unexpected. It's terrible, but predictably so. So, I guess I don’t think my faith in humanity was affected because I already knew exactly what the people there were like. It's terrible, but I already knew that going in. 🤷‍♀️

#ask box #syscourse #systemscringe #endogenic #plurality #multiplicity #system #systems #transmedicalism #transmed #tw transmed

[scoops404]

this is late! but i'm always curious with rpf writers: how do you consider the 'characters' you write about against the real person? as in, how do you personally manage the separation between the two? especially in regards to shipping as the fandom as a whole seems to veer more towards truthing and an assumption that we, as fans, are able to truly perceive these people.

i see you're very respectful of the creators boundaries in regards to personal information that hasn't been freely given. has this ever been a struggle for you? it's almost impossible not to learn things about creators that has been obtained by shady means as there's an obviously toxic community dedicated to stalking and doxing creators and then using that information to harass fans by shoving it in their face. hopefully this hasn't happened to you but if it has and you've been unwillingly shown personal information about the people you're writing about, how do you personally deal with that while writing to ensure you're respectful of their right to privacy?

sorry if this is a bit more esoteric than you were asking for! i won't be offended if you choose not to answer :) love your writing! you're definitely one of my go-to authors if people ask for recs!

It took me a while longer to get to this ask because I wanted to think on it, hope you don't mind :)

Also, this got super long so it's below the cut

I never for one second have thought I actually know the ccs, in any of the rpf fandoms I've been in. I was trying to think of how I've always felt that distinction, and honestly, I think it's because I've read so many AUs that it's easier to separate fic!cc from irl!cc - dunno if that helps, but for me it's like the written versions in stories are so different because they always have the tone of the author in the style of the piece, the "characters" are filtered through their eyes, no matter how grounded in their quirks and vernacular the author is, they can't 100% take themselves out of it. That's how I always see the distinction, i guess. No idea if this is making sense to anyone else.

Moreover, I've also always believed the ccs deserve their privacy, so for someone to write a story about them and think they haven't missed any nuances of who these people are as people, is like so dumb? We can't 100% know them, and we SHOULDN'T 100% know them. There should be a wall dividing us from them.

As far as writing them--some stories they are completely different but you have to reach at something true about them and expand on it. I'm talking mostly about AUs like thief and cop AU or king and knight AU because those obviously have dynamics that aren't inherent in our Dream and George. For the style of fic I like to write, which is mostly IRL or "reality" based with a twist, you can only guess at what you think is real and true to each one of them and focus on drawing that part of them out, in regards to whatever the plot needs. With "Fallen," George's mom's divorce is the catalyst that draws them together, so we needed the angst of George seeing that relationship fall apart and wondering if his relationship with Dream will inevitably go the same way. In "Deep in the Dream of Game" their lives are at stake and so the protective side of each of them comes out and the strategist side of Dream that works to get them home and keep everybody together and alive. I hope that makes sense. In "Shine Here to Us" George's jealousy of Dream having a child with someone else prompts him to rearrange his life (again) in order to be the closest person to Dream, to do it with him.

We've seen snippets of private George, of how he keeps information close to his chest, how he doesn't talk about past relationships, etc and I channeled that into Fallen. We've seen Dream be protective over George -- the cooking stream and telling him not to put his hand in hot oil, "Tiktok fix your shit", etc and I channeled that into Deep in Dream. Anytime Dream expresses interest in someone else, George gets jealous (I feel like this happened with Foolish) -- and thus a nugget for Shine here to us.

I do try to be respectful of their boundaries. Before George's last name was in his meet-up vlog, I'd seen it in lots of stories and that never sat right with me. Not in a way where I'm passing judgment on those writers, I wouldn't, it's just a line I myself wouldn't cross. I've made guesses at things based on stories they've freely told us, but I've been lucky enough to avoid doxxed info. I came into fandom twitter space (where most of it seemed to leak) after that seemed to die down--or I was lucky enough to avoid it, I dunno. My friends said there were times doxxed info would be in replies to cc'd tweets and I never saw that, which I'm grateful for. I've been on tumblr a LONG time, but on this account, I've never gotten critblur asks like most of the big blogs did (So I've been told after the fact, and also THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION TO SEND THEM TO ME, DO NOT). So, I don't go looking, and I don't incorporate private information into my stories.

I think if I had been shown private info, I'm pretty good at forgetting things. I have to double check stories with my friends and betas all the time, so I think I'd be okay at not using that info.

It's interesting to me to see the line of fandom moving as I've aged in fandom. A lot of people in this community are young (which is great!) but the "rules" of this fandom are a lot different from other fandoms. Though, I do think it's really cool to have the main three--dream team--cool with being shipped and written about. I think Dream made a really smart choice when he was blowing up. (not to say I think he played into queerbaiting--he's a person not a corporation and can't queerbait. I'm pretty sure he and George are just like that.)

I firmly believe he did a lot of research on cultivating a fandom when he started popping off and when he realized his audience was primarily LGBT and leaning female, he embraced it and encouraged them in things that female leaning people tend to do in fandom, which is, mostly transformative works. There's an interesting article that i can't find that talks about the traditional "roles" of men vs women in fandom spaces and men do more archiving and collecting ((think racecars, pokemon cards, mcc reddit spreadsheets, etc)) which is not to say women can't do that, but apparently women lean more towards writing fan fiction and drawing fan art. I think that article didn't talk about trans or nonbinary people but I see a LOT of them in this space, which is, again, amazing.

Anyway, Dream's growth in large part is tied to not only his creative videos and terrific editing skills, but the cultivation of a fandom that he allows full creative freedom--edits, tiktoks, analysis videos, fanfic, and fan art!! I don't know any other cc who encourages artists as much as Dream and I think that's really helped him.

But I do think that sometimes people confuse him being open with his fans to being open in the sense that they are owned information about him. They aren't. They never will be. He tells us way more than we deserve to know and way more than other ccs tell their fans. I block those people and keep it moving.

Sorry that this got way off track, lmao. Clearly I just needed to ramble about fandom stuff for a while. Sorry.

Thank you for reccing my fics, that's lovely to hear! I really love writing for this community :D

#on rpf

[recklawmusing]

Legacies

Recently I've been organizing a semi-regular movie night for some streamer friends. I was hoping to be intentional about community building, and wanted to give the group something easy to drop into if they were available and just vibe. It also ended up transforming one of my new year's resolutions. I had wanted to go out and see a new movie in theaters at least once a month, but instead I've been watching a lot of movies that came out years ago and I've never really revisited. Some have really held up, like Trolls and Kung Fu Panda 2. Others we watched have not fared as well. 

We recently watched Pitch Perfect, which still sounds like a fun movie on paper. Acapella group sing offs, musical mashups, a tiny bit of romance, and a star studded cast led by Anna Kendrick; I was honestly excited to rewatch it and laugh at a silly little comedy about singing. But then as we watched it, a lot of the jokes fell flat or felt out of place and there was so much more vomiting than I remembered. At least the music parts were still really fun, and I'm hopeful that there's more of those sections whenever we get around to watching the next one.

I also happen to love cheesy romantic plotlines, and the chemistry of the two leads was just enough to make me want to root for them. Skylar Astin had a puppy dog charm throughout the film; he was goofy and silly, and though parts of his pursuit were dated, his character always felt genuinely filled with joy and an openness. Halfway through the movie, his character reveals a passion for film scores, and lists of some of the greatest movies ever created as his inspirations. He wants to chase down the roads carved by the legends of the industry and make scores himself, and it's easy to find yourself wondering if Astin picked the movies to list off with the way he exudes pure adoration for the craft, even as Kendrick's character scoffs and dismisses the films.

This isn't actually about Pitch Perfect, by the way. 

This is about Star Wars.

"Are you a big star wars fan," I was recently asked on a dating app.

I thought for a few minutes before responding. Overthinking, mostly. In my mind, a big fan meant cosplaying characters, or creating works derived from the setting. A big fan would buy merch, have a whole display dedicated to collected toys or props, or have read all of the books in both canons, collected the comics, do things that proclaimed to anyone nearby "I'm a fan of Star Wars!" 

"I wouldn't say I'm a big fan, but I guess I'd be a medium fan?" I finally responded. "It's just always had a constant presence in my life."  

It's surprising to me that I don't really remember watching the original trilogy. I know that we owned VHS copies. The dark paper covers stood out on the shelf against the white plastic cases of the Disney movies, so it was easy to spot them anytime I went to grab some other cassette. I can't actually remember the first time I watched Star Wars, or even which movie I saw first. It's just a feeling, with no evidence to back it up, but I think the first may have been The Phantom Menace. 

I haven't watched the movie in over a decade, but I can still picture so much of the movie playing in my mind. Qui Gon slicing through the ship's door with his lightsaber near the beginning, the introduction of those rolling droids with the shields, Jar Jar Binks, the podracing scenes. Even tinier details like Qui Gon and Obi Wan using those little rebreather devices as they dive to meet the Gungans, or the design of the droid tanks that get used in the battle of Naboo. 

I saw the movie ages before I heard it being discussed as a "good" movie or a "bad" one. To me, it was magical; it was fun; it was impossible not to get hooked. Seriously, try being six years old (maybe) and watching the scene of Darth Maul facing off against Qui Gon and Obi Wan, "Duel of the Fates" crescendoing, and then his lightsaber ignites on BOTH SIDES. How are you not supposed to fall in love with that? 

And then to go on and watch the originals. Luke's journey from farm boy to Jedi. Han and Chewie's adventures in the Millennium Falcon. Princess Leia firing off retorts. The striking presence of Darth Vader. I didn't watch movies critically at that age, but I think part of me always knew instinctively that what I was watching was spun from the same fabric as other stories I loved. In Star Wars, I saw myths, fairy tales, the westerns I would watch with my grandfather. I couldn't have expressed those connections until I was much older, but I felt the influences in the films, and they resonated with me. 

I can remember practicing the sound of Darth Vader's breathing, one of the first sounds I wanted to mimic. I remember seeing Attack of the Clones (vaguely) and Revenge of the Sith (more clearly) in theaters, contributing to my love of watching movies on a big screen in a dark room full of strangers. I don't love every aspect of Star Wars. Maybe it's impossible to love every part of that galaxy, now that there's so much more of it. I went into The Force Awakens an eager nerd, ready to watch more adventures in a great big galaxy, and walked out enjoying what I had seen. Mostly. It didn't feel quite as fresh as I had hoped, but it was still more Star Wars! The Last Jedi was fun too, but parts felt a little like a let down. I don't even wanna talk about how walking out of The Rise of Skywalker put me off of going to the movies at ALL for months. 

One theme kept standing out as I watched the movies: legacy. Kylo Ren is so devoted to Darth Vader's legacy that he forsakes his father's name. Rey's story is constantly forced to become one about her quest to find her parents, to learn her own legacy. The First Order is just an attempt to regain the status of the Empire, Starkiller base echoing the Death Star, but in a bloated, distorted manner. Like it wants to become the superweapon we all held the Death Star as in our minds, something massive and undefeatable and overpowered. "Somehow, the Emperor returns," to remind us that the only real threat is and always has been Palpatine. 

Smarter people than me could probably dissect this theme and its prominence as a response to new leaders stepping up to direct these new Star Wars movies. Hell, they probably have already. And there's nothing WRONG with the theme being something the filmmakers might have wanted to explore in the movies. It just felt, to me, constricted. The Star Wars galaxy is massive, and yet, we had to go back to the same piano and hit the same notes that have already been played.

I've always enjoyed the Solo movie, with my main critiques being all those parts that exist solely to remind you that the main character is Han Solo. Watching the sequel trilogy felt like it amplified those feelings. The films told me that it mattered that they were Star Wars movies, not because of the inspiration they were rooted in, and the way they connected and expanded those base ideas, but because Darth Vader, and Leia, and Han, and Chewie, and Luke, and the Emperor, and Stormtroopers, and the Death Star were still there. 

The sequel trilogy movies, especially The Rise of Skywalker, told me that the magic of Star Wars I'd felt growing up wasn't really the important part. The important part of Star Wars is spelled out by Anna Kendrick's character in Pitch Perfect, as she scoffs at the "predictable" ending of The Empire Strikes Back. "Vader in German means father. His name literally means Dark Father." 

This isn't actually about Star Wars. It's about my father. 

My dad is not Darth Vader. He was enlisted in the Navy, and I could probably be cheeky and draw some parallels to my father working as a low-level imperial officer, but he wasn't some force of evil. 

He was distant. His work in the Navy bounced us up and down the east coast. We'd move every few years which made it hard to set down roots and really maintain friendships. Sometimes he'd get deployed and be gone for a few months, which only made it harder to ever find a rhythm to get closer to him. Even when he was home, our interests diverged and we never really found a way to connect. 

When I was in high school, my parents got divorced. It's hard to remember liking my dad before that time, my shoddy memory only highlights the times he'd be arguing with my mom in a raised voice, or spankings I'd gotten for some reason or another. But after that, I think I hated my dad for a while. The gap that existed between us widened, and I sawed off the ends I was able to reach to make sure it was as impassable as it could be. It was never enough to escape his orbit fully. 

My life's not a movie and it doesn't have themes, but my dad's legacy is one I've always run from. He was, as a metaphor, Anakin letting the hate flow through him. He was angry and stern and ordered, red in the face matching red of a lightsaber. I was scared that I was destined to become like him, that if I journeyed into that cave on Dagobah, I too would see my face inside my father's helmet. 

I wasn't a rebel and he wasn't the empire, but we stood on opposed sides over so much. I wasn't Luke. There'd be no meaningful redemption of my father in his final moments. He wasn't Vader, persuading me to join him and rule the galaxy forever. He was just an example of what I wanted to avoid becoming. 

I'm not just talking about my dad in Star Wars terms because they're fun imagery. I also cannot separate a lot of my memories of Star Wars from my memories of my dad. 

At the end of high school, I was briefly in a long distance relationship with a girl I'd never met. A week before we set to meet each other in person for the first time, she broke things off and shattered my heart. The next week, I was at my dad's, and we watched the original Star Wars trilogy. He didn't really console me, or offer any words of advice on how to process my heartbreak, and he owned the blu-ray versions of the originals, with all their strange additions and edits, but that's the only strong memory I have of actually watching those movies. A few years later, I stayed with him over my college's winter break. That Christmas, The Force Awakens was released in theaters, and I drove down the hill and saw it at the theater by his house. 

We saw The Last Jedi in theaters together when it was released. 

I don't hate my dad anymore. I still don't like him, and I don't agree with his views or how he treats waitstaff. I can't forgive him for how he's hurt people who I care about. But my present feelings towards my father are like those I have for the sequel trilogy - I try not to think about them that much. The galaxy is wide, and there are stories I love to watch instead, and people I love to focus my energies on. 

For all the interests I've shared with my mom though, she's never been a space adventures person. Someone else had to be the one to buy those VHS tapes I'd see on our shelf. 

So I do have to thank my dad for giving me Star Wars. 

[rosysugarr]

So, I've been thinking about how I'm gonna handle myself in dsmp fandom from now on and stuff, and I think talking about it more instead of avoiding this might make the anxiety stomach ache go away finally. So. Here we go.

I have never been a big dteam follower in the first place. Yall already know that. I don't think much is going to change for now, depending on how things play out from here? But for right now, not much is gonna change other than like. I'm gonna be avoiding cdream stuff, which fucking sucks because he's such a good villain (can we ban gross people from having talent please.)

I'm primarily a Ranboo enjoyer, along with Tommy, Tubbo, and Wilbur, so nothing regarding my posting habits about them will change unless one of them does or says something stupid about this issue. I'm going to be deciding how I respond to what happens going forward quietly and not making big declarations about it because I just don't want to argue about this particular issue with randos.

Basically, I guess what I'm saying here is that I'm taking how I respond to this a day at a time and deciding how I handle it based on how things unfold going forward, rather than taking any kind of hard stance from the outset.

Like. Okay, full disclosure, and tw for discussion of online csa, but. This whole thing is incredibly complicated and sensitive for me because I was myself a victim of an older man in a community I was in taking advantage of me online when I was a teenager. But it's hard and complicated because, like... while this is only one creator out of a whole community, he's entwined himself so hard into everything that it's difficult to separate him from it, and my autistic hyperfixated brain is terrified by the thought of how things could change going forward or what this could mean for the community I've dedicated the past two years of my life to. And yes, it is much more important that this be handled appropriately and that justice is served, obviously-- all I'm saying here is that I can't help but feel incredibly anxious about what had been my source of comfort suddenly becoming a trigger or just... falling apart before it can conclude properly.

I don't want to discuss the issue itself directly because it's incredibly upsetting for me, and I hope yall understand. It isn't that I'm ignoring it, I promise, or that I don't care, but I have to look after myself and mind my own limits as someone who is also a victim of something like this and who has been feeling physically sick watching it unfold.

I might blacklist some terms on tumblr for a bit. Again, please understand that my not talking about current events isn't because I don't care, but it's a measure to protect myself and my own mental health, which is shaky at best lately anyway.

I love yall. I love the people I've met in this community, I love the story and characters and... most of the ccs still. I may zero in on certain ones for a bit, even more than usual, or I might just spend a whole lot of time away from tumblr in general for a while, because every time I check my dash currently my heart starts racing and my stomach hurts.

I'm sorry I can't come in with my usual fire about this one. I just don't have it in me. I'm tired of constantly feeling sick to my stomach and being unable to feel happy because I'm constantly anxious. I've gotta take care of myself, and making myself sick keeping track of each new development as it happens isn't helping anyone in the first place.

This got longer than I wanted it to. Sorry about that. Anyway, yall take care, and if you need me, feel free to @ me anytime or DM me. If you wanna, you can also DM me for my discord, which I'm on all the time. You guys are the best, and I hope you're taking care of yourselves as well through all this.

#rosychatter #discourse tw #csa mention #ask to tag

[candymeowz]

Leviathan Comforting You When You're Worried 'Bout The Future:

Dedicated to my friend, @yukihaie

Hurt/comfort

Tw: Depressing thoughts

"What?!" the protagonist shouted, and Leviathan only seemed to get giddier and giddier as he leaned forward, captivated by the animations dancing on the screen and the sound effects as the fight reached it's climax.

He glanced towards you, unable to contain his excitement and wondering if you were enjoying it as much as he was, when he noticed your sombre mood. You were clutching onto one of his pillows tightly, eyes unfocused and seeming to be lost in thoughts.

As if one of your favourite anime episode wasn't being played in front of you.

Leviathan frowned.

He couldn't enjoy the anime if his Henry's in a bad mood!

"M-" He hesitated. Should he call you? "Mc?" he called out your name nervously, wondering if he stepped out of the line and second-guessing his course of action. Maybe he should've just left you alone? Maybe you'd prefer if he wasn't there? What if- what if he's the reason you look so sad? Did you not want to watch anime with him today??

Your eyes met his and his breath hitched.

They were red. Your eyes were red and was filling themselves with tears.

"I'm scared," you whispered, and Leviathan felt his heart get caught in his throat. He didn't like this. He didn't like seeing his Henry so... heartbroken. His best friend and long time crush was scared and he's just gaping there like a second Henry II.

"The future..." you whispered, one too low for a normal human to hear, but he's lucky to be a demon with stronger hearing.

"You're scared of the future?" he repeated, the flush of his cheeks lessening as he shared in your thoughts. It wasn't like he's never thought about it either, how people come and go, and everyone will be seperated whether they want to or not. "You... you don't need to be scared of it, Mc."

You clutched the pillow tighter, your head lowered, eyes clenched. "But- but one day I won't be able to see you guys anymore! I'll have to leave Devildom and... We won't be able to eat breakfast together, and I can't hear Lucifer's lectures nor Asmo's stories of the latest parties he attended..." You raised your head to stare straight into his eyes. "I won't be able to watch anime and play games with you anymore."

Time froze for a moment, as Leviathan's brain slowly comprehends what you said, and the second he did, he hugged you.

Leviathan hugged you.

No words were spoken, he didn't know any that might help the situation, so he stayed silent and hugged you tightly, letting you know everything will be alright. His face was slowly heating up, but when you grabbed onto his shirt and buried your face in his chest, sobbing your heart and worries out, he didn't care about how fast his heart is beating.

All he cares about is comforting you.

Which is how you found yourself he next day, safe in Leviathan's arms, who seemed to not be able to get a second of sleep the whole night.

"Thanks, Levi."

You pecked his nose.

Leviathan blushed a bright red, hiding his face in your shoulders as you patted his head, softly combing through his bed hair.

Yeah, everything will be alright.

A/N: Life happens, people change as they come and go, but -well, idk 'bout otherd, but better believe it Han, I don't ever want to lose communication with you. Even if you or I abandon the fandom one day in the future, I'm sure we'll have other things to talk about! So yeah, it's gonna happen, we're gonna go on with our seperate lives, but for now, let's enjoy it while we're still here in this fandom, yeah? And the ones who've already left, let's pray the best for them. Who knows, maybe an opportunity will come where we'll meet each other in real life? Or maybe on another platform, in another fandom XD

Masterlist

#MeowzIsBeingCheezy #IDon'tKnowHowToComfortPeople #AlsoSorryIfLevi'sOOC #IShallNowContinueWatchingJujutsuKaisenGoodbye #TotallyNotRunningAwayFromFacingReaders'Reactions #Nope

#obey me #obey me leviathan #obey me leviathan x reader #obey me leviathan x mc #obey me hurt comfort #obey me shall we date #obey me fics #obey me fic #meowz writes #han🍊🍭

[nexyra]

RWBY's Love Language - Part 2

Hello friend ! I'm back at it with a second part and whatever character I can think of ! (Among which best boy Oscar because he deserves it, and also more adults)

Let's go !

***

Oscar Pine

So ! While I love Oscar with my whole heart, honestly guessing his Love Language is no easy feat. One thing for sure : touch isn't is thing even if it's how everyone else chose to communicate their love.

I saw a post a while back detailing how Oscar is always putting his hands up as a barrier when he's scared or uncomfortable and that makes me cry a little instead but it's true TT. Anyway...

In the latest volumes we've got quite a bit of comforting Oscar-talks but I have to wonder how much of that is due to Ozpin's influence really. As a result I've decided to settle on... Acts of Service or Quality Time ! This is based on a few details : when people are upset with him in one shape or form, Oscar was always very eager to prove himself useful, give some aspect of concrete help (such as cooking a Casserole, ringing any bell ?). Plus I imagine that's the exact brand of help his Aunt would have needed most on a farm. Added to that, he always seems fairly happy to be included, be with the others no matter what's going on. Training ? Yay ! A movie with Jaune & Weiss ? Smiling puppy look. Fancy party ? Shenanigans together ! So yea, I love seeing my boy loved and hugged but please everyone settle for the loving he's most comfortable with <3

“She made a choice! A choice to put others before herself! So do I.”

“Oh, uh, yeah. I thought you guys would appreciate a hot meal after... spending all day looking for me, apparently.”

“No, it's okay. These past few days, I've been scared of the same things you were. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be... me. But I did some thinking, and I do know that I want to do everything I can to help with whatever time I have left.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Ozpin

For our favorite immortal wizard aka not quite dead Headmaster... I think the answer is rather obvious. When you're so careful with your words, but also so fiercely devoted to humanity, Words of Affirmation is a must. Ozpin constantly does his best to calm, to reassure. He's good at controlling the conversation and getting people where he wants... Except he more often than not use it to make them think and help them reach an healing ore motivating conclusion. This man is so insisten on giving and cultivating hope, so painfully aware of just how much words can change... There's no doubt in my mind that it's through these very same words that he tries to fight the darkness in others' mind, even when they don't want to let themselves be persuaded. And with some help from the farmboi, Ozpin is gaining in honesty and earnestness. And that can only help in giving comfort.

But to be honest... If you offer him a hug I doubt he'd refuse, and he definitely deserves one. Also therapy. For Oscar too. Everyone in therapy 2k21.

“Ruby. I've made more mistakes than any man, woman, and child on this planet. But at this moment I would not consider your appointment to leader to be one of them. Do you?”

“It's not every day that friends are able to come together like this. Time has a way of testing our bonds, but it's nights like these that can help keep them stronger than ever. Nights like these are ones we'll never forget.”

“Don't worry, Mr. Arc. Your journey is far from over, and the same might be said for all of you. Unlocking your Semblance isn't the end. It can still grow and evolve. Providing you are willing to put in the work, who knows what could happen?”

- - - - - - - - - -

Emerald Sustrai

Now here I'm gonna go ahead and say that the way Emerald has been taught to express her love and the way SHE would rather preffered to be loved most likely do not align. At the side of someone like Cinder, and even Mercury who isn't exactly the most emotionally vulnerable person; the only brand of love that gets an easy pass is Acts of Service, and that's probably what Emerald is the most used to. I can go on a mission with you. I can help. We go right back to the "I can be useful" mentality and I'm not sure she's been shown any other way honestly. Let's be real though : if someone offered a hug or some gentle words ? She'd probably pout & fuss but I hardly doubt she'd object.

“I don't care about Salem! But I owe Cinder everything. You want to fight her that bad? Be my guest.”

“I just... Cinder was the only family I ever had. She cared about me, taught me things... But without her here, I don't know if what we're doing--”

“I've been working on my Semblance. I can help. I won't tell anybody.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Pyrrha Nikos

What's with everyone and dedicating their whole love toward just helping their teammates anyway they can ?! Stop ! But any way, you guessed it. I'm pretty sure one of Pyrrha's top way of showing love is Acts of Service, and nothing means quite as much to her as Quality Time. For someone who's been put on a pedestal and has a hard time relating to people; both touch and words can be a bit awkward. But if they're wrapped up neatly in a training session or semblance explanations ? Well that's already a more familiar area. Pyrrha gives her whole to her friends and those she cares about. And in exchange, if anyone can simply... be there and spend time with her... May it be at the ball or simply sitting in the courtyard... I'm sure our girl would be delighted.

“Jaune, you know if you ever need help, you can just ask.”

“I'm constantly surrounded by love and praise; but when you're placed on a pedestal like that for so long, you become separated from the people that put you there in the first place. But thanks to you, I've made friendships that will last a lifetime.”

“I'll do it. If you believe this will help humanity, then I will become your Fall Maiden.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Qrow Branwen

If I say Gift Giving for the corvid, is someone gonna hit me ? Come on it's fun ! Okay, more seriously... I think this kind of love conversation is kind of a necessity for Qrow. With a semblance such as Bad Luck, making everything complicated... Qrow tries to keep his distance from those he cares about. And since he's an emotionally repressed (but caring) asshole on top of it... Well that kinda narrows down his option. You know what DOESN'T put anyone at risk but can still bring smiles on their face ? GIFTS. Shiny things, souvenirs from his missions all over the world to give to 2 smol nieces. Sounds safe right ? That said, as any good emotionally unavailable character in this show, I gotta say Qrow probably has a thing for helping out and making himself useful in relation to Oz, Tai or the rest of the inner circle. So you know what that means *whisper* Acts of Service.

That said ! When it comes to receiving some love back... Qrow probably likes everything he doesn't allow himself to have. Soft touches, loving & comforting words, spending time with a friend without his semblance making everything complicated... We know that's all he wants.

“You idiot. I know you didn't do this.”

“Look, pal, I'm not sure who you are, but you need to leave my niece alone.”

“No one wanted me... I was cursed... I gave my life to you because you gave me a place in this world... I thought I was finally doing some good...”

- - - - - - - - - -

Clover Ebi

And among our newbies (and gone too soon) friends we have Clover ! Clover was a very good contrast to our dusty old crow but also a great help. Kind-hearted, perceptive and honest; he knew just how to put Qrow's self-loathing in his place and push him to give himself some credit. He always had a nice word or a joke for everyone, and visibly the rock of the Ace Ops : an expert a keeping the moral up and the mood companiable. Evidently, Words of Affirmation was his expertise. Had things gone differently, I'm sure we'd have had time for many more earnest and helpful conversations with this teal-eyed fisherman.

“It's a good thing they had someone to look up to and get them through it. Not everyone is so lucky.”

“I meant deflect a compliment. Those kids wouldn't be where they are without you. You've had more of an effect on them than you realize.”

“We don't have to fight, friend.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Winter Schnee

And today in the "emotionally unavailable" category we have... Winter Schnee ! TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS PEOPLE ! Just - I would say look at Ruby but even she doesn't talk about her bad vibes... Nor does any of the "Words of Affirmation" peeps. Honestly what's wrong with y'all people ? Anyway Winter cares so much. Is it hidden behind professionalism and a stern *big sister* demeanour ? Sure. But it doesn't negate just how much she loves her closed ones. She's fiercely loyal, and even if she doesn't let her personal feelings get in the way of her duty and doing what needs to be done, no one is allowed to say she doesn't care. Countrary to Weiss, Winter doesn't seem as good nor as aware of the love that exists in simply *being* with people. Rather, she's dutiful and ready to help any way she can when given the chance. You guessed it, yet another Acts of Service kind of love... Maybe I'm doing this wrong XD. I'm on the fence about Words of Affirmation as well. Despite her standoffish looks, Winter has always been very open & reassuring during her discussions with Penny. But she's more stern when it comes to Weiss so I dunno x)

“I don't recall asking about your ranking, I'm asking how you've been. Are you eating properly? Have you taken up any hobbies? Are you making new friends?”

“You've grown up a bit, haven't you? You're not the little girl clinging to the family name anymore.”

“You can't just buy trust like everything else! You have to earn it!”

And that's it for Part 2 ! I might do some other characters if people suggest some but I don't have a pressing need to right now. I have many ideas of songs to apply to various characters however so that's prob what my next posts will consist of (or fun templates)

If anyone has tips to create RWBY gifs or links to download the eps in good quality I'll take it ! Good day everyone !

#rwby #oscar pine #emerald sustrai #ozpin #winter schnee #qrow branwen #clover ebi #pyrrha nikos #love language #fair game #love langauges