#so everyone is wonderful and when i say pressure i mean just the scope of what we’re doing/typical pressures of working in animation. i

[ducktracy]

Does it ever feel pressuring (no pun intended) to work on a show with such a legacy and history as SpongeBob?

VERY much so, but in a good way, if such a thing exists! one of our mantras on our little storyboard plussing team is “pressure makes diamonds” and it is a very applicable saying

when i first started, i was TEEEEERRRIFIED! i really felt like i had no idea what i was doing, and there have been so many times where i’ve turned in a section and genuinely thought “oh my god they’re gonna fire me for this it’s so bad.” working in animation is frazzling enough! but not only are we working on a cultural mecca, with not only the kids of today to entertain, impress and inspire, but to maintain the integrity of the series and entertain/impress/inspire the kids like us who grew up with the show, we are also working with literal animation legends and animation veterans!! it’s pretty surreal to be working on the same show as someone like Bob Camp, who’s been in the industry for 40+ years… and even more surreal when he says he’s a big fan of your work 😵‍💫‼️‼️‼️‼️

THANKFULLY, i’ve made a lot of strides in curbing some of my storyboarding stage fright. it used to be really bad when i started, like genuinely panic attack inducing! the constant patience and guidance and encouragement of my peers and consistent practice from these past three years have really allowed me to grow and blossom. now, when i feel a bit claustrophobic in remembering the pure scale of what we’re doing, i weaponize it for good!!

i think of how inspired and amazed and obsessed with SpongeBob i was as a kid. how it inspired me to draw, how i remember drawing along to episodes and commercial breaks. my brother and his wife are both elementary school teachers and routinely update me about how their kids are still crazy for SB (and they both brag about me to their kids heheh). i think of all the kids watching, all the kids realizing that getting to draw these characters and interact with them and live in their world is something you indeed can do, all the kids who religiously catch each new episode like i once did… it just fills me with so much confidence and hope and love, and that motivates me to deliver and do my best and try to do what i can to help make each episode be better and more fun than the last

SpongeBob is for everyone, obviously! that’s one of the great things i love about working on it: i get just as much enjoyment watching our finished episodes as our target audience. but i do bring up the kids particularly often because, at the end of the day, that is who we are doing it for and i also just can’t help but think back to how my SpongeBob obsessed self as a kid would have had her world rocked to know i’m doing what i’m doing. i want to give those kids, who i used to be and still essentially am, the same joy and spark and all consuming inspiration i felt and still do

there are definitely some days where the gravity of what we’re doing hits harder than others! some days are a lot more difficult than others. this is an absolute dream job, i’m not just saying that, i always fantasized about maybe one day being able to work my way up to working on SpongeBob and now it’s my first animation job—but it is very easy to get overwhelmed by just how big of a legacy we’re carrying on our shoulders! how many other mega talented people work on this show! there’s a lot to juggle. but we juggle it well. there is so much love and heart and care poured into this show. we do everything we can to maintain the integrity of the characters and the show’s core, and it just makes me love what i do all the more and makes me more determined to do it

TLDR: YES! but i’m much better off for it, because it reminds me of why we’re working so hard to begin with. we all want this show to be the best it can—to maintain its core 25 years later, but still have fun doing it. i mentioned this on Twitter, but when i met Bill Fagerbakke last month he was saying how cool it is that fans who grew up with the show are now able to work on it and i couldn’t agree more. it’s the greatest honor imaginable being able to carry such a monumental torch, and i hope i’m able to keep at it for a long, long time.

#sorry if this is more unintelligible than usual i was pretty distracted answering this HAHA but it’s such a good ask #anonymous #long post #ALSO. just in case: i don’t feel pressured by anyone at my job i love the people i work with and they are incredibly gracious and caring #once storyboard pro crashed and i lost a bunch of work and frantically messaged my director being like i’m so so so sorry but i can’t get #this in EOD can we do Monday etc. and he asked if i could call just to see if i was doing okay emotionally and talked to me about it etc etc #so everyone is wonderful and when i say pressure i mean just the scope of what we’re doing/typical pressures of working in animation. i #don’t feel pressured or overworked by my bosses or anything like that everyone on the show is amazing. JUUUST in case anyone got the wrong #idea

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

Honestly you're incredibly deletable. I feel like a lot of "lesbian culture" is not at all what lesbians act like... At least not all of us. I think we should focus more on relating about being into women rather than things like music or fashion or stereotypes because those are certainly not true for everyone

I’m really sorry I don’t really know what you mean by deletable , but I feel like I’ve upset you so for that I’m really sorry. I know I don’t always phrase things correctly on here, so I apologise. I’ll work harder and being more clear in what I say and hopefully phrasing it in a way that doesn’t lead to hurting people. I’m really genuinely sorry 💕

But honestly I really agree with you. I think lesbians, or anyone really, are bigger then the clothes or music or stereotypes people put on them. I think for me at least part of the reason I talk about it so much is because even while I believe that, groups and events tend to be formed over a common interest. Like not everyone that enjoys records for example is all the same , but there is a common theme , enough so that places will either design themselves in accordance to that or make adds based about it etc etc. you could say it’s from capitalism or the human experience. I don’t know why it is that way. I think sadly it’s common in lesbian, or just lgbt spaces in general, for similar reasons. People are trying to find community and I guess with the way the world is now community is built through more then just common lived experiences. So when you fall out of that “norm” like I feel I do, and I know others do too, it can feel very isolating.

But those stereotypes and fashion trends change all the time. The stereotype of what a lesbian looked like 40 years ago is pretty different to the subcultures we have now. People have different understandings or interpretations of words or groups. We’ve built on the past and are shaped by our present. I think location and country has a lot to do with it too. But also when you are part of a marginalised group I think it’s easy to fall into cliches or subcultures. You want to find YOUR people through and through. I think living in a world that doesn’t accept you or has debates about you can lead people to be very burnt out - resulting in them wanting to be around people more closely linked with who they are and their life ideals. And I think that’s especially true in a community such as the LGBT where there are just in-group fighting and hatred alllllll the time. But I mean I could also just be speaking complete nonsense, I haven’t done any research or study on this , and I’m a pretty isolated person so my perception of things could be way off.

But again I fully agree with you!! I want that world that you describe - and who knows it might be way more prevalent then I’m aware of , just not where I live. I have a small scope of the world aha. I don’t even live a big major city or anything so that definitely changes things too.

I don’t think everyone neatly fits into those stereotypes or cliches or subcultures. Humans are all multi faceted. But I think there is both mass exposure to and I don’t know pressure to fit into it.

But I think it would be so wonderful to have more of what you described. Of lesbians just bonding together over their attraction of women - because I think that’s an amazing bond to have! I really hope to see more of it and be around it and see other women participating in it.

Sorry I feel like I’m rambling. I don’t know if my answer was all that succinct or comprehensive. I don’t even know if I answered the question lol.

But thank you for reaching out and I really appreciate your input! I hope you have a great day 🌻💕💕

#sorry again if this just makes absolutely no sense #I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again I’m a an idiot and I don’t know how to say things half the time #and I just jump around on thoughts lol #asks #anon #answered

[thebibliosphere]

So I'm currently unemployed because I got fired for taking too much sick leave (it was legally sketchy blah blah blah but in the end I just can't work and take care of myself and investigate my mystery health problems at the same time). So I've been spending more time writing!

I really admire your writing and loved Hunger Pangs. I'm looking forward to the poly elements developing and I'm wondering if you have any advice for writing about poly. I've made one of my projects a snarky take on "write what you know" ... Apparently what I know is southern gothic meets Pacific northwest gothic, chronic illness pandemic surrealism, and falling back-asswards into threesomes.

I know this is a very open-ended question and I don't expect an answer, I'm just curious about it if you have the energy. As a writer, trying to write honestly / realistically about polyamory/enm, I'm curious if you have any thoughts on what's different about portraying monogamy or nonmonogamy in books, romance or erotica or otherwise.

I'm trying to read examples but it's hard to find examples that fit the niche I'm looking at. Excuse me if this question is nonsense, it's the cluster headaches.

I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with all that and solidarity on the cluster headaches. But I'm glad you're finding an outlet through writing! And I hope you're happy with an open-ended ramble in response because oh boy, there's a lot I could talk about and I could probably do a better job of answering this sort of thing with more specific questions, but let's see where we end up.

There's definitely a big difference between writing polyamory/ENM (ethical non-monogamy) and what people often expect from monogamous love stories.

Just even from a purely sales and marketing standpoint, the moment you write anything polyamorous (or even just straight up LGBTQIA+ without the ENM) you're going to get considered closer to being erotica/obscene than hetero romances. It's an unfair bias, but it's one that exists in our society. But also the Amazon algorithm and their shitty, shitty human censors. Especially the ones that work the weekends. (Talking to you, Carlos 🖕.)

So not only do you start out hyper-aware that you're writing something that is highly stigmatized or fetishized (at least I'm hyper-aware) but that you are also writing for a niche market that is starving for positive content because the content that exists is either limited, not what they want, or is problematic in some fashion i.e. highly stigmatized or fetishy. And even then, the wants, desires, and expectations of the community you're writing for are complex and wildly varied and hard to fit into an easy formula.

When writing monogamous love stories, there is a set expectation that’s really hard to fuck up once you know it. X person meets Y. Attraction happens, followed by some sort of minor conflict/resolution. Other plot may happen. A greater catalyst involving personal growth for both parties (hopefully) happens. Follow the equation to its ultimate resolution and achieve Happily Ever After. 

But writing ENM is... a lot more difficult, if only because of the pure scope of possibilities. You could try to follow the same equation and shove three (or more) people into it, but it rarely works well. Usually because if you’re doing it right, you won’t have enough room in a single character arc to allow for enough growth, and if ENM requires anything in abundance, it’s room to grow.

And this post is huge so I’m going to put the rest under a cut :)

There's also a common refrain in certain online polyam/ENM circles that triads and throuples are overrepresented in media and they may be right to some extent. Personally, I believe the issue isn't that triads and throuples are overrepresented, but that there is such minuscule positive rep of ethical non-monogamy in general, that the few tiny instances we have of triads in media make it seem like it's "everywhere" when in actuality, it's still quite rare and the media we do have often veers into Unicorn Hunter fetish porn. Which is its own problematic thing. And just to be clear, I’m not including this part to dissuade you from writing "falling back-asswards into threesomes." If anything, I need more of it and would hook it directly into my brain if I could. I'm just throwing it out there into the void in the hope that someone will take the thought and run with it, lol.

I’d love to see more polyfidelitous rep in fiction, just as much as I’d like to see more relationship anarchy too. More diversity in fiction is always good.

Another thing that differs in writing ENM romance vs conventional monogamy is the feeling like you need to justify yourself. There's a lot of pressure to be as healthy and non-problematic as possible because you are being held to a higher standard of criticism. Both from people from without the ENM communities, and from the people within. Granted, some people don't give a shit and just want to read some fantastic porn (valid) but there are those who will cheerfully read Fifty Shades of Bullshit and call it "spicy" and "romantic," then turn around and call the most tooth-rottingly-sweet-fluff about a queer platonic polycule heresy. That's just the way the world works.

(Pro-tip for author life in general: never read your own reviews; that way madness lies. I glimpsed one the other day that tagged Hunger Pangs as “ethical cheating” and just about had an aneurism.)

And while that feeling of needing to justify yourself comes from a valid place of being excluded from the table of socially accepted norms, it can also be to the detriment of both the story and the subject matter at hand. I've seen some authors bend so far over backward to avoid being problematic in their portrayal of ENM, they end up being problematic for entirely different reasons. Usually because they give such a skewed, rose-tinted perspective of how things work, it ends up coming off as well... a bit culty and obnoxious tbh.

“Look how enlightened we are, freed from the trappings of monogamy and jealousy! We’re all so honest and perfect and happy!”

Yeah, uhu, sure Jan. Except here’s the thing, not all jealousy is bad. How you act on it can be, but jealousy itself is an important tool in the junk drawer that is the range of human emotion. It can clue us in to when we’re feeling sad or neglected, which in turn means we should figure out why we’re feeling those things. Sometimes it’s because brains are just like that and anxiety is a thing. Other times it’s because our needs are actually being neglected and we are in an unhealthy situation we need to remedy. You gotta put the work in to figure it out. Which is the same as any style of relationship, whether it’s mono, polyam or whatever flavor of ENM you subscribe to* And sometimes you just gotta be messy, because that’s how humans are. Being afraid to show that mess makes it a dishonest portrayal, and it also robs you of some great cannon fodder for character development.

Which brings me in a roundabout way to my current pet peeve in how certain writers take monogamous ideals and apply them to ENM, sometimes without even realizing it. The “Find the Right Person and Settle Down” trope.

Often, in this case, ENM or polyamory is treated as a phase. Something you mature out of with age or until you meet “The One(tm).” This is, of course, an attempt to follow the mono style formula expected in most romances. And while it might appeal to many readers, it’s uh, actually quite insulting. 

To give an example, I am currently seeing this a lot in the Witcher fandom. 

Fanon Netflix!Jaskier is everyone's favorite ethical slut until he meets Geralt then woops, wouldn’t you know, he just needed to find The One(tm). Suddenly, all his other sexual and romantic exploits or attractions mean nothing to him. Let's watch as he throws away a core aspect of his personality in favor of a man. 

Yeah... that sure showed those societal norms... 

If I were being generous, I’d say it’s a poor attempt at showing New Relationship Euphoria and how wrapped up people can become in new relationships. But honestly, it’s monogamous bias eking its way in to validate how special and unique the relationship is. Because sometimes people really can’t think of any other way to show how important and valid a relationship is without defining it in terms of exclusivity. Which is a fundamental misunderstanding of how ENM works for a lot of people and invalidates a lot of loving, serious and long-term relationships.

This is not to say that some polyam/poly-leaning people can't be happy in monogamous relationships! I am! (I consider myself ambiamorous. I'm happy with either monogamy or polyamory, it really just depends on the relationship(s) I’m in.) But I also don't regard my relationship with a mono partner as "settling down" or "growing up." It's just a choice I made to be with a person I love, and it's a valid one. Just like choosing to never close yourself off to multiple relationships is valid. And I wish more people realized that, or rather, I wish the people writing these things knew that :P

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled enough. I hope this collection of incoherent thoughts actually makes some sense and might be useful. 

----

*A good resource book that doesn't pull any punches in this regard is Polysecure by Jessica Fern. It's a wonderfully insightful read that explores the messier side of consensual non-monogamy, especially with how it can be affected by trauma or inter-relationship conflicts. But it also shows how to take better steps toward healthy, ethical non-monogamy (a far better job than More Than Two**) and conflict resolution, making it a valuable resource both for someone who is a part of this relationship style***, but also for writers on the outside looking in who might have a very simple or misguided idea of what conflict within polyam/ENM relationships might look like, vs traditional monogamous ones.

** The author of More Than Two has been accused of multiple accounts of abuse within the polyamorous community, with many of his coauthors having spoken out about the gaslighting and emotional and psychological damage they experienced while in a relationship with him. A lot of their stories are documented here: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com/ (warning: it is not light material and deals with issues of abuse, gaslighting, and a whole other plethora of Yikes.) While some people still find More Than Two helpful reading, there are now, thankfully, much, much better resources out there.

*** Some people consider polyam/ENM to be part of their identity or orientation, while others view it as a relationship style.It largely depends on the individual. 

#long post #writing #ethical non-monogamy #relationship styles #relationship models in fiction #also that kindle link is an affiliate link #because fuck giving amazon free recs

[achliegh]

Bronze

Alright, I had this wonderful idea come into my head about Clayton, honestly he deserves his own fic. So here is his version of events! Lots will tie together with Golden so I recommend you read that as well. But you don’t have to of course.

Explaining:

Before Letter is the present.

Letter is updating the lives of the people back home, of whoever wrote it mostly.

After Letter is memory.

The first few letters will be very awkward because writing letters and not being sure what to talk about and what not to talk about is hard and confusing. Stick with me! Yes, this prologue is just a letter.

TW/CW: Discussions of death, miliatry training, smut, cringy jokes, underage drinking, dumb choices, swearing, and more later on.

Beta: @walking-crisis

Some Characters belong to @lumosinlove

Chapter 2:

For You

Chicken Fried

It was silent besides the radio humming faintly over the walkie attached to his vest. Every breath he took in filled his lungs with dust.

Nothing felt real.

The mission was to take out a target. Clay left it at that because he hasn’t been in the military long enough to be able to consider targets… people. He felt sick anytime he put the two together but he knew this is what he signed up for. This target has taken many lives and he was watching through his scope, gun pointed at the door of the building where the target operated.

He had to put himself in the headspace where he couldn’t think about anything other than the trigger where his finger flinched whenever the door opened.

He didn’t have the signal so he didn’t shoot.

His partner sat next to him, completely relaxed tapping his thigh to the beat of the music. Every hit of his thigh almost made Clay flinch. This wasn’t his first mission where he had to take a target out, but this was the first where he didn’t see them actively doing something horrendous. The slight breeze felt like it could push him over with just the right amount of pressure. Everything was sensitive… yet he felt numb.

The door opened for the fifth time in the last hour and an old woman waddled out of the building, she smiled at a small group of children who ran past. She has aged with stress from the lines of her wrinkles. Her baggy clothes looked homemade.

She was sweet, reminding him of his own mother.

He relaxed when he saw her, knowing she couldn’t be the target. Watching her talk to a man on the street he hears the signal. His partner rolls over to lay next to him and takes out his binoculars to look at the woman and gives Clay the signal to get ready.

Two Fingers Pointed Up: Get ready.

Two Fingers Pointed Out: Shoot.

Hesitating for a moment, his partner notices and gives him a look to get his shit together. Swallowing his hesitation. He takes the safety off his gun and ready's himself for the shot.

One he would hear forever.

Dear Honey Bee,

How's my baby doing? Making friends I hope, that’s the one thing you always amaze me with. The way you make friends so easily. I could never, shy little thing like myself. I was terrible at breaking out of my shell. Your daddy always convinced me to go out though.

Which reminds me! You remember Miss Bell down the road? She is pregnant with triplets, and no one knows who the father is. How scandalous! I always thought she would end up with that farmer Micheal across the river but she never liked him much.

Your lovers stopped by last week and Little Miss… what do you call her? Sparky or something. She was absolutely glowing when we gave her a photo album of you and Leo from when you were in middle school. The hunk you managed to catch had hour long conversations with your daddy about the latest sports which I didn’t understand so I did what you always tell me to do.

Smile and Nod.

It’s odd writing letters to you, I remember writing to my family when I first moved in with your Daddy because we didn’t have the email or the phones. But I am so used to writing to you over the phone that writing on paper is odd. I hope you’re getting these letters, everyone has said you haven’t responded but I remember when Wyatt was in the military and Eloise was a mess, long before you and Leo were around. So, I’m not too worried.

I am sending you and your Team the best wishes for safety. Praying y’all all get home safe and make lots of babies. We need more kids, I want grandbabies and I made sure your lovers know that.

Now, on a more serious note. Your Daddy is still upset with you for just leaving like that. He wishes he could have convinced you to stay because he wants you safe. I want you safe too but I know this is something you need to do. From the calls I've had with Leo he is also still angry with you.

I keep trying to convince your Daddy to write but he says it hurts too much. So know that He sends his best anytime I write to you. Anytime you think of us.

We love you so much Clayton London Bruss. Now get some rest, I know you’re tired.

Love,

Your Mama

He knocks on the window of Leo’s truck, horny fuck can’t control himself. Clay doesn’t mind it much though, walking over to Ashley who hands him his phone that she was routinely checking.

“Find anything interesting?” He takes his phone and puts it in his back pocket, putting an arm around her shoulders.

“Nothing besides your terribly gay nudes.” She rolls her eyes. “Just because Leo is a faggot doesn’t mean you have to sink that low.” Clay furrows his brows and is about to say something back when Finn walks over to them, looking like he just had a great make out. Clay smiles.

“How was the truck?”

“Warm, I forgot how hot it gets in the south.” Finn pulls his shirt to get some airflow and Clay nods while Ashley scowls a little at the redhead in front of them. The music starts to play over the speakers. Logan joins them after a couple of minutes.

Clay has gotten a few… interesting vibes from Logan when Leo isn’t looking. He notices the hesitation that Leo can’t see. He sees the way Logan wants to tell Leo to back off and to pull him closer at the same time.

Leo doesn’t deserve that.

Clay likes Finn better because Finn definitely likes Leo, and Logan probably to a point where it's bad for himself. But Finn is someone who cares with all or nothing.

Leo does deserve that.

They start heading over to where Leo has parked, a Bronco in between their trucks, Clay notices Logan hesitate reaching for Finn’s hand. So, it wasn’t only a Leo thing. Lots of people think Clay is an oblivious idiot but that would be sort of wrong. He is very observant when it comes to people, maybe not so much when it comes to safety.

“CLAY!” He looks upt just in time to see Leo chuck a BudLight, yuck, at him. Obviously needing to get rid of it, he pulls out his keys and punches a whole to shotgun it.

Way to start off the night.

Lot’s of drinks later, one of his favorite songs came on over the speaker. Chicken Fried by The Zac Brown Band, it's a great song. Casually singing the lyrics he turns to Ashley who is on her phone, he shrugs not caring and runs over to Leo and jumps on his back. Hopping off after Leo lightly elbows him in the ribs, Leo turns around and joins him in singing the lyrics.

Dancing like idiots he looks at Leo’s infatuations and sees them with sappy looks on their faces but he knows Leo won’t notice them.

As the night goes on they do more stupid shit, crawling into the passenger side of his truck he let’s Ashley drive him home. The blind trust he puts in her is something he will regret later. About 20 miles from his house they see flashing red and blue lights behind the truck. Ashley pulls over and sighs annoyed, crossing her arms.

Clays anxiety is off the charts, he knows he isn’t sober and underage. If this is who he thinks it is then there is a 100% chance he will be taken down to the station. Of course, they would get pulled over when Ashley’s dad knew she would be at a bonfire with her “degenerate” boyfriend.

“Hi Daddy” Ashley smiles a little at the officer as he shines a flashlight into the cab of the truck right into Clay’s eyes.

“Sir, I’m going to need you to step out of the vehicle. Hi Ash, can you drive your car home after you drop his truck off? I’m gonna book him down at the station.” Clay gets out and about falls over and neither Ashley or her dad is impressed.

Getting thrown into the back of a cop car after an aggressive handcuffing and pat down is not how he wanted to spend his night. He honestly just wanted to go to bed.

Having been arrested for no reason so many times he knows the process by heart now. So well in fact that the officers don’t even have to tell him what to do. He just does it and goes to sit in his favorite cell. Where he can throw pieces of paper at the Sheriff’s desk.

He calls his mom with his one phone call and tells her what happened. She is out of town with his dad for a conference about cattle prices in the south this year so Clay gets to spend the night in the cell. Great.

Just what he wanted.

#leo knut #clayton bruss #finn o'hara #logan tremblay #thomas walker #noelle tremblay #james potter #sirius black #remus lupin #sweater weather #lumo

[fallen029]

Basement Ghosts

"There's ghosts in the basement."

Laxus considered this, as he did most things, with a stoic face and long, cold stare, the likes of which could make even the toughest of men cower. But he wasn't facing a man, in that moment, but rather what he'd considered, up until that point, his rather reasonable girlfriend of only a tentative few months. Mirajane Strauss, a staple in the guild he'd loved his entire life, was known for her flights of fancy and frequent vocal daydreams, but he knew her on another level, same as he knew the guild. The man was aware that Fairy Tail, for all it's fabled history, toiled in a lot more darkness than the average observer might realize. For the woman before him in that moment, much or the same could be stated.

She'd gone through a lot in her short few decades of life. From the loss of her parents and excommunication from her home all the way to current day, dealing with the death and revival of her younger sister, Mira hardly had a simple life. She was complex. Everyone was to a certain extent, fine, but her above all.

The past few months, as she and the guild's most fearsome dragon slayer began, for the first time in their life, to truly dig deeper into one another, begin to understand what the draw was, that had always been between then, just beneath the now exposed surface, he truly thought he was beginning to get to know her. The deeply guarded her, that no other had seen. It had felt like they were forming a bond, these past few months. Though it hadn't been long, Laxus was finding himself becoming rather attached to both the idea of the woman and learning more about her.

Then she has to go say stupid shit like that and ruin it.

"Well," Laxus began finally, tone as void as ever, "guess I should be heading out the."

"You're that terrified of ghosts?" Mirajane asked with a slight frown.

"Nope," he answered with a subtle shake of the head. "Just not interested in entertaining nonsense, is all."

"You think I'm being nonsensical?"

Mira asked this in surprise, her down turned lips turning to form something else instead as her gaze hardened. It was hardly something any woman enjoyed, the slight telltale signs of mockery in the face of unconventional lines of thought, and she hated it even more, the way her boyfriend tossed a hand up, as if in defense.

"Look, it's fine, alright?" He even shrugged. "I was just going to look at your pipes as a courtesy. You said Elfman usually does it? Call him over. But I-"

"You're being a jerk."

"How?" His tone changed then, as he as the one on the defensive. "Just because I don't wanna play into your stupid ghost claims?"

"Stupid," Mirajane repeated softly and it was a word of contention, frequently in her line of work, but Laxus didn't transition into preventative measures. Only narrowed his eyes a bit as she questioned, "Why would you say that? You know that I-

"Try again, demon," he remarked with a hardness not typically used on a woman in apparent dismay. "You've told me before about how you can turn the waterworks on and off."

She glared through her tears as, not even wiping at them, she only remarked, "It's still mean, Laxus. To call someone stupid."

"I didn't."

"You might as well have." Huffing some, the woman took to crossing her arms over her chest as she looked off.

The pair were having this argument in her kitchen, where she'd taken the man not soon after he entered the Strauss home that afternoon. It wasn't unusual in those days for the slayer to spend some of his extra time in Magnolia there, but it there had been an intended purpose for his summoning to the old house that day. Mirajane had requested he come down and look at a leaking pipe in the basement. After confirming that, no, this wasn't a euphemism, she actually wanted him to go down into the basement and look at a pipe, they found themselves having this conversation.

She'd intended it as nothing more than a simple warning. A reasoning for her own inability to head down there.

The basement ghosts.

It all felt very reasonable to the woman and, were it another she was speaking to, they'd have probably allowed her to continue on in this delusion. Not the dragon though. Oh no. He wasn't so sure yet if he was trying to spend the rest of his life with this woman, but he was surely beginning to scope the potential that they had together. Part of that included calling the woman out when she played into her trumped up role at the hall a bit too much. She delivered the same in kind, to him, when he got a bit too brooding and judgmental.

But he was expected to take her light ribbing and outright behavioral corrections while the woman, in turn, was not.

"If you don't really think there's basement ghosts," she challenged suddenly, looking back to the man suddenly, "then you go down in the basement."

"I mean, I was planning on it," Laxus told her. "To fix the pipes. Remember?"

"At night," she specified as her eyes began to narrow. "You go down into the basement, at night. And stay down there. And you'll see."

Laxus huffed some, his chest puffing as he did so, before telling the woman simply, "Fine. If that's what it'll take to prove to you-"

"It'll only take one night," Mira challenged back, "to prove it to you."

.

The Strauss basement was an unfinished, stuffed to the gills storage place it seemed for all of the junk Mirajane couldn't fit in the attic. There were boxes upon boxes that Laxus could only imagine were, truly, junk and now he had two reasons that he should find a way to end things with the demon.

A horder and a loon.

It was night now, as he'd agreed to only head down there after sundown, but Laxus still intended to check on the leaky pipe she'd originally told him about. Along with his toolbox though, the slayer also carried a sleeping bag and fully intended on spending a night down in the drafty basement.

Honestly, it would hardly be the worse place he'd laid his head.

Mirajane wouldn't venture down with him, instead only waving goodbye to him from the top of the stairs. This was annoying to Laxus who'd hoped she'd at least go down so he could play big, strong protector when the pipes chirping or shutters fluttering or whatever was causing her to hear noises at night appeared.

Alone though, Laxus only tossed his sleeping bag down before fishing out a flashlight and looking over the piping in one corner. It was easy enough to find where the drip was coming from and it was an easy enough fix. Just a bit loose, was all the pipe was, and after a few quickly twists of a monkey wrench, all was well.

"There," Laxus sighed some. "That- Hey! I someone down here?"

He hated to be so spooked, so soon, but he felt it then. Sensed it. A presence. Eyes on him. As he spun about though, shining his flashlight around, all he could catch were shadows from the numerous boxes.

"Laxus," Mirajane called down from the top of the stairs. "Are you okay down there?"

"Peachy," he called back as the man merely rolled his shoulders and decided he was just psyching himself out. Clearly. "Fixed your pipe too."

"Great!" Mira even clapped. "Now are you sure you're going to spend the night down there? Or are you ready to admit that the basement ghosts are real?"

"I will literally never, ever do that, Mira."

"Well," she sighed some, "I'm going to have to close you in, then. I'm tired and have work in the morning. You can come up and join me at any time- But you'll have to admit that the basement ghosts are-"

"I'm not," he reiterated for the woman, "doing that."

"Fine." And the light at the top of the stairs started to dissipate as the woman, slowly, began to close the door. "Be safe."

"Be fucking safe," he grumbled only once he was certain the door was fully closed and the woman had gone off, to start on her before bed routine. "From what? Huh?"

Laxus was a bit of a night owl, to be honest, but he didn't have much to do down in the dusty old cellar other than wait for the not coming ghosts, so he figured it was best to just begin setting up his sleeping bag. Maybe go ahead and hunker down for the night. Then he could rise around the time that the demon got up to leave for the guild each morning, even earlier maybe, just to shove in her face that no, there were absolutely no such thing as 'basement ghosts'.

He was fearful that the woman would counter with some bullshit about them just not showing themselves to him. And he wasn't quite sure how he could counter that in a way that would avoid him having to spend the night down in the basement again.

Because while Laxus was willing to spend one night in the dark, dank basement to prove his devotion to his girlfriend (as well as shove in her face just how wrong she'd been), he wasn't so certain that he was willing to do it a second time.

Or a third.

Or fourth.

Part of him was worried that the demon had just trapped him down in the basement or something. Or at least that's where his mind wondered to, as he had a fitful time drifting off to sleep that night. The ground felt lumpy and his sleeping bag smelled a bit, or was it just the basement, and he kept catching weird shadows hiding behind boxes and oh gosh, what if something was down there with him? What if she was right? What if in the world of reanimated masters and magical beings, there was such things as ghost and they were going to devour him in the night?

Cannibal ghosts.

Or...would they not be cannibals now that they were no longer living beings?

Needless to say, some of these questions were answered in his dreams, others left to interpretation. Over all though, he did get a good few hours in there when he truly was asleep.

And then something awoke him.

It was a low creak, from the top of the basement stairs. The a louder creak, multiple now, from the stairs now as the old wood whined at even the lightest of pressure applied. Laxus, though somewhat dazed, immediately thought that it was his girlfriend, maybe, either coming down to check on him or realize how ridiculous this all was and bring him upstairs.

He hoped it was the second.

Or if it was the first, that he could trick her into the latter.

Rolling over, Laxus kicked out of his sleeping bag with a loud yawn, calling out as he climbed to his feet, "Come to get me, eh, demon?"

There had been a soft light, a flashlight maybe, a tiny one, that the person coming down the steps was carrying and as they raised it to shine into his eyes, blinding the wincing man, they called out themselves. Only it wasn't Mirajane.

"Laxus?"

"What the- Lisanna, get that out of my face? What are you-"

"Oh, god, are you naked?"

"No! I'm my briefs."

"You're what?"

"They're- Stop shining that light in my face!"

There was a strange moment where Laxus, now shamed for his underwear choice, took a step back, as if to shield himself, while Lisanna did lower the light, but was clearly snickering a bit as his state. The moment would have passed, as all do, and Lisanna might have made some sort of excuse as to being down there while Laxus would have only dove back under his smelly sleeping bag cover, but this opportunity was dashed as another person in the basement made themselves known.

"Oi, boss, I can take you being a total creeper, sleepin' down in my basement and all, but you're not sexually harassin' my girlfriend, are ya?" came a booming accusation from behind a pile of boxes.

"Are ya?" added a resounding echo as a soft, green glow of light also highlighted the boxes.

Laxus jumped at the sounded, whirling around while growling, "What the shit?"

It was Bickslow back there, making himself known as he stepped out from behind a fortress of forgotten junk hands on his hips, out of his typical gear, not even a visor. For all intents and purposes, it looked as if he'd been sleeping as well, honestly.

"Bickslow," Lisanna complained with a glare his way. "Why did you tell him that?"

"We were caught, Lissy," he assured the woman simply. "You don't free yourself from a trap by flailing wildly; you look to the trapper right in the eyes and challenge him."

"Challenge him?" Laxus frowned at the assertion. "And what the hell are you even doing here? In the basement? Are you… Trying to rob the Strausses? Or something? I'm...really having a hard time understanding why else you'd be-"

"Ain't obvious?" And he came closer then, Bickslow did, to find his place beside the still glaring Lisanna. "I'm bonin' one of 'em, same as you."

He took a step back again, Laxus did, blinking some. Blinking some more. Stunned. Dazed.

Very convinced this was just a strange dream stemming from his awkward sleeping situation.

Still, after a deep breath, Laxus took to nodding some, accepting the nonsensical pairing for a very brief moment before questioning, "Why were you hiding in the basement?"

"Kicked out of my apartment. Wanted to be with woman." Bickslow raised an eyebrow at his typical idol. "You?"

But Laxus didn't answer questions that didn't fall from the mouth of his demon.

"Yeah, why are you down here?"

Or her little sister.

"I," he told them both with a frown, "was sent to spend the night down here by your sister, Lisanna, because she thinks that there's ghosts down here. And I can only guess who could be causing her to think that."

Nodding, Bickslow decided, "The rats."

Laxus, frowning, rushed to bend down and snatch up his sleeping bag (this actually worked to cover his body), complaining loudly, "There's rats?"

"No!" Lisanna turned her glare on him. Then she took a pause and thought. "Well-"

"Can't a man hide out in his girlfriend's basement because he can't afford rent because he's been avoiding taking jobs because he wants to be around said girlfriend?" Bickslow shook his head as his floating babies scoffed on his behalf. "What's the world comin' too, eh?"

Laxus stood there, sleeping bag in hand, glancing back and forth between the two people in front of him before deciding, "I'm going to tell Mirajane."

"No, Laxus, don't." And Lisanna rushed to grab his arm then, the man glaring down at her as she dropped the flashlight and it rolled away from them. "Please."

"Why shouldn't I?" he questioned. "This is fucking weird, Lisanna. "This is fucking weird, Lisanna. Bickslow is fucking weird."

"Oi, boss." He'd gone to snatch the flashlight back up, but did send a sorrowful glance over his shoulder to his idol. "You wound me."

"How long has this even been going on?" Laxus went on. "Huh? Not this weird...basement stuff, but… Lisanna...are you actually dating him?"

"W-Well-"

"You need to talk to your sister."

"You don't get it." She clung tighter to his arm. "Laxus, please-"

"Please what? Don't tell my girlfriend that her little sister is meeting with a strange man in the basement to...to… This isn't my business. Or interest. So I'm going to go get Mira and-"

"She ruins things."

"What?"

Lisanna released his arm as the man wasn't moving forward then, only nodding some as he stood agape at her.

"Mira...and Elfman… They both think of me as a little kid. A lot. And I'm not. I'm only a year and a few months younger than Elfman! Not even a full three from Mira." Lisanna shook her head. "But especially now, after the whole...escaping death thing, they both treat me like a complete child. And any time I've tried dating someone, they ruin it. Not on purpose, but by being overbearing and weird."

"Your sister is overbearing or weird with or without a death," Laxus pointed out.

"Then you understand how much harder it is with a death," Lisanna insisted. "You saw how it was, Laxus, two months ago when I brought that guy home to dinner? And they scared him off?"

As someone who'd had an unfortunate invite to that shitshow, he could recall Elfman and Mirajane asking rather pointed questions and making some not so veiled threats, or at least claims to immense power that could be contorted into threats.

Laxus was sure his presence, brooding and annoyed over how slow the dinner was going, hadn't been much help at all.

When Lisanna got broke up with the next week, it was just as well for her siblings, who got to pat her on the head and dry her eyes, as well as Laxus, who was just glad he wouldn't have to sit through another dinner with that guy.

It never occurred to him that, should all the dinners continue going that way, then there would just be an endless string of bringing a guy home for the first time and, damn, he was never not going to hate those.

"In what way is Bickslow the answer to any of that?" Laxus griped to the woman then and Lisanna could only sigh.

"He's not." She glanced over at him then, watching as the seith held the flashlight out, onto a clear wall, for his babies to flutter around, casting spooky shadows in the otherwise dark basement. "But I do really like him. And he really likes me."

"And you're having him sleep in your basement because-"

"He fell behind on his rent and I was trying to be a good girlfriend and give him a place to stay."

"Lisanna." And Laxus hated to have to be the one to explain this to her. Leaning closer, he said softly, "If you've only been dating a guy for a short amount of time and he defaults on his debts, it's a sign you should cut him loose, not stow him away in your basement."

"I have ears, boss," Bickslow complained as he glanced over at the pair of them.

"Yeah? So does my precious demon who is scared to death of coming down here." Laxus remembered that, actually, he had a very good reason to be annoyed by this entire situation and it had nothing to do with protecting poor innocent, previously dead Lisanna's innocence. Because fine, maybe he scared that guy off too. Because no one should just get to date his girlfriend's little sister without proving themselves worthy. "She's terrified that her house is haunted."

"I mean, it is." Bickslow went back to watching his babies gleefully fly through the light. "There's fucking ghosts down here, dude."

Lisanna shrugged some. "It's a basement. Of course there are."

"I," Laxus said simply as he hiked his sleeping bag up higher and took another step away from Lisanna, "Don't have time for this. For any of this. This...Strauss nonsense. You're all insane. In fact, I think your brother might be the sanest one among you, which is actually killing me to say, you have no idea."

"Laxus, don't tell Mira," Lisanna pleaded with his back now as he headed up the stairs with a shake of his head. "Please?"

He didn't answer her.

But he also didn't go to her sister's room to break the news either.

Instead, he went to stretch out on the couch and just...process all of the information he'd just learned.

He and Bickslow would be having a huge talk about all of this.

Well, he would have a huge, one-sided yelling match at the nitwit and send his ass back out on jobs and to not neglect his duties for some woman.

Even if that woman was a Strauss.

Because he definitely understood the motivation.

That morning, he awoke to the sound of someone milling around in the kitchen, humming, and this time, it was without a doubt his demon.

Laxus was still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes when he found her in there, doing more than she usually would to get ready in the morning as she seemed to making him breakfast. Laxus recognized the signature, over-sized omelet she loved to serve him anywhere. In the corner of the kitchen, Lisanna was there as well. She was hunched over the coffee maker, clearly tense and nervous. For all the times that he'd spent the night at the Strauss house, Laxus had never known her to be an early riser without provocation, but he imagined there wasn't much for sleeping when you were dreading what was to come.

"Morning, dragon," Mirajane called all the same, hardly glancing over her shoulder at him. "Sleep well?"

And Lisanna stood upright then, turning to watch them, a stricken look on her face. She'd been glad, no doubt, to find Laxus snoozing on the couch that early morning, but now would be just as good a chance for him to ruin everything for her, she knew, and it was with a held breath that she watched the man come to wrap his arms tightly around his girlfriend, hugging her from behind.

"No," he remarked simply, nuzzling his head into her neck as the woman giggled. "There's ghosts in the basement."

"See!" Mira giggled as she folded the egg mixture in the pan. "I told you."

"Yeah." Laxus eyes though where on Lisanna, who he'd have to talk with as well as. Make her realize that she had to tell her sister and brother, eventually. Him keeping her secret, for now, hinged on the fact that very soon there would be nothing to keep. "Shouldda listened to you."

Lisanna bowed her head, in his direction, smiling and clearly pleased, but Laxus only went back to snuggling his demon, watching his food cook from over her shoulder.

"I bet though," Laxus told his girlfriend, "that within the next, oh, few weeks? Days? I can get someone down to the basement to exorcise any ghosts. Free you of them. If you want."

This statement caused Lisanna's joy to immediately flee, but Laxus ignored her as Mira only hummed, mulling over this idea a bit, before shaking both her head and herself free of him.

"No."

"No?" Laxus complained, watching as she moved to transfer his omelet to a waiting plate on the counter top. "What do you mean? Why not?"

"All basements have ghosts, Laxus," she told him simply. "And all ghosts have basements."

"You're not making any sense."

"I," she said as, finished with his breakfast preparations, she turned to head out of the room and no doubt get ready for the day, "own this house, so I get to decide what ghosts linger and which don't."

"Yeah, well," he complained to her back as she left the room, "this dragon lives in an apartment. So where do my ghosts linger, huh? Demon?"

He got no reply and that was fine as he only sent to slouch over at a kitchen table chair, stabbing at his food with a heavy frown.

Lisanna, seizing the moment, rushed to go to a seat across from him.

"So," she began, "you're not gonna tell Mira about-"

"Look, kid." He hardly glanced up at her. "Your boyfriend isn't going to stay in the basement, being a bum forever. I'm making sure of it. Starting today. And you need to grow some backbone about all this. Understand?"

Scoffing, she remarked simply, "Mira said that the ghosts can stay."

"Mira says a lot of things." He tossed up a free hand. "And I go along with them because I love her."

And Lisanna forgot about her own troubles for a moment, just to giggle at the usually stoic man's expense.

"You what her? Laxus?" she asked with a glint in her eyes.

"I," he assured the woman's younger sister, "love her."

"Awe."

"And if that means enabling some of her less pleasant qualities, fine." He looked at Lisanna fully then. "But no one makes my demon look stupid. And stowing away your boyfriend in the house that she owns isn't going to cut it. Understand?"

Lisanna slumped then herself, sighing as she remarked, "I just… I just want something that's mine. Not Mira and Elfman's. And I know that you think that Bickslow's a big joke and that he's your...lackey or something-"

"Bodyguard."

"You're not that famous, Laxus." Lisanna had never rightly felt the fear others did around the man. Even before her sister charmed him. "No one gives enough of a shit about you for you to need one of those."

"Hey-"

"I like him." Lisanna shook her head then. "I don't know why. But I do know that it'll all get ruined, if everyone finds out. You just don't understand."

Staring at her for a long moment, Laxus replied, "You think that I didn't feel the same way? About your sister? You chumps up at the bar ruin everything. Constantly. And yeah, they'll probably ruin you and Bickslow too. But me and your sister made it through. If you're meant to be together, you're meant to be together. And look at it this way, after you tell them, yeah, for a day or two, maybe a week, it'll be an item of interest, but then something new will blow through the hall. It always does. And if you're thinking about getting serious with Bickslow-"

"Serious?"

"Like...looking at him as marriage material and-"

And she laughed. Loudly. Genuinely. As Laxus only stared blankly, Lisanna simply shook her head.

"I'm only twenty-one, Laxus." She frowned at him. "I'm not thinking about marrying anyone I date. Ever. Gross. Ew, are you gonna marry my sister?"

"Lisanna-"

"Are you thinking about it? Does she know?"

"Knock it off."

"Big brother Laxus?"

"I'm gonna go tell her about Bickslow."

"She must be something special," Lisanna kept up, even still, as she leaned over the table just to poke the man's cheek, grinning cheekily herself. "My sister. For you to be thinking so heavily about that and all."

"She is." Laxus grabbed her finger then, tightly, as he looked the younger woman dead in the eyes. "To me. "And I won't see her taken advantage of. Do you understand me?"

Jerking her finger back, Lisanna nodded slightly as she sat back in her own seat. Softly though, she said, "Thank you. Laxus."

"Yeah." He went back to his food with a bit of a grunt. "Don't mention it."

#Miraxus #Bixanna #Mirajane Strauss #Laxus Dreyar #Lisanna Strauss #Bickslow #Fairy Tail #Fanfiction

[sardinesandhumbugs]

(a-place-to-come-back-to) hmmm “You can keep pretending, but you’ll never be happy” gives me Badger Rat Sr and Toad Sr vibes

A/N: Thank you for the prompt! This ficlet is set fairly early into Badger's friendship with Rat Sr and Toad Sr, before things settled into the easy friendship he remembers. Even the best of friendships can have... bumpy origins :D

Want to request a prompt? Find the list here!

x

Rat considered himself a fairly laid back sort of animal (a necessary trait for growing up alongside the undaunted Toad) but even he had second (not to mention first) thoughts when it came to the Wild Wood.

He was sure most of the rumours were merely malicious hearsay (for instance, he was fairly certain the locals didn't eat wayward Riverbankers) but he doubted any animal – Wild Wooder or no – would take kindly to the disturbance. For, upon the rusted bell-pull detaching (the bell itself had given one dull toll before giving up the ghost) Toad had set to hammering and hollering at the unadorned door with the kind of volume that would wake the dead – and, more importantly, the living, who were far more likely to take matters into their own paws.

"Honestly, I don't know how he ever entertains guests," Toad lamented in a rare lapse in the cacophony. "Can barely find the blasted place and then when you do you don't realise it. You'd think an animal like Badger would clear the ivy from the name plate once in a while or make sure his bell is in working order. Any lesser animal visiting would have admitted defeat by now," he said, as usual looking but not truly seeing.

"Perhaps we should reconsider this," Rat said, who had taken good note of the state of disrepair of Badger's front porch and come to a bleak conclusion of his own. "He may not even be home."

"Oh pooh to that, of course he's home. Anyway, Rat, it was you who took note of his recent change in mood."

"And I was thinking of a subtler approach."

"You say subtler, I say slower." Evidently deciding that his knocking was falling into the subtle category, Toad added his raised voice to the mix. "Come along, Badge; who cares what the hares say? Be the bigger animal we know you are and come on out!"

"Badge?" Rat echoed.

Toad shrugged. "I'm trying it out. 'Badger' is such a mouthful."

"It's two syllables."

"And I'm halving that. It's called efficiency. BADGE!" Rat jumped at the brusque rise in volume. "Badger, we know you're there! What do you think you're achieving with this hiding away, huh? Do you think this is what you want? To live alone in a dark and dingy tunnel all your life? We know you, Badge! You can keep pretending, but you'll never be happy like this!"

The door swung open so abruptly that Badger must have already been standing on the other side for some time. He loomed over the two Riverbankers, his face half cast in shadow from the wood's gloom. "You know nothing about me," he growled.

"Oh, we know plenty," Toad contradicted happily. He took advantage of Badger's oversight in opening the door, and slipped past the larger animal. "Such as the state you leave your front porch in. Where should I put the bell-pull? Oh, no matter; I'll send for a new one when I'm back at Toad Hall."

Badger glowered, but could do little about Toad's entrance without hauling him bodily out, and turned back to the remaining Riverbanker on his doorstep. "I suppose," he intoned, "you plan on following your friend inside."

It was at this point that Rat realised there was at least a yard's grace between them – if not more – that had been of his own making. He shortened it, knowing full well that his instinctive retreat had not gone unnoticed. "Badger–"

"Just get yourself inside before your tail freezes off."

Rat scurried in. As Badger hauled the door shut, the brumal weather outside lost its icy grip and the beneath-ground air yielded a steady, heavy warmth quite unlike Riverbank homes in winter. (Toad Hall suffered particularly badly in the yuletide season, saved only by the ludicrous expense Toad went to keep such a grand house heated.)

Up ahead, Toad had already started scoping out the elusive sett that paid host to so few animals. "I say, Badge," he called, his voice echoing in such a manner to indicate he had put quite the distance between them, "I take back what I said earlier; dark this place may be, but dingy it most certainly is not."

Rat followed Badger through the dimly-lit tunnels, passing through decreasingly lived-in rooms until finally coming to the cause of Toad's admiration. It was, Rat had to admit, grand. Ancient columns, half buried into the walls, lined the room that could fit Toad Hall's ballroom with ease, and Toad was already setting to lighting the lanterns to better appraise the space.

"Badge, you never said you had a place like this!" Toad exclaimed. "Why, just think of the balls, the banquets, that could be hosted in a space such as this! I admit, the acoustics are a little harsh, but I have just the tapestries to dampen the sound, and with a spot of extra light it'd be perfect!"

Rat glanced to Badger out of the corner of his eye and read the larger animal's stony expression.

"I apologise. Toad means well, but he puts far too much stock in the art of distraction as a solution," he muttered. He inclined his head. "Mind you, he often gripes that I'd try to talk the river out of flooding if I could, so I suspect we even each other out."

"I prefer action, myself," Badger grumbled.

They watched a moment longer as Toad bounced across the empty space, chattering to nobody about the grand plans he could see strewn out before him. ("Naturally, this is where the band would go... and the buffet would sit along here, I'm thinking cold meats, cheeses; the last thing you want is the smell of cooked food suffocating a place like this...")

"I can probably talk him out of it," Rat offered quietly, "if you'd like."

Badger scoffed and retreated into the more inhabited rooms. "He can organise as many damn parties as he likes, so long as he doesn't come complaining to me when no animal arrives."

Rat had to take two quick steps for every one of Badger's long strides, eager to stay in the pool of light cast by Badger's lantern. "Oh, I think you underestimate Toad – he has quite a way with folk when he sets his mind to it. It can be both very useful and infuriating."

"I'm sure he does," Badger said, "but what possible reason could he tempt animals down to a place like this with?"

"Good food, good music," Rat rattled off. "Drink. Conversation. Gossip, usually." He hesitated, and added, "Curiosity."

"And is that why you came?"

"We came," and Rat hurried so that he and his words would not be left behind, "because we were worried about you."

Badger halted so abruptly that Rat had to skip a step back to avoid walking into him. "Worried?" he echoed incredulously. "About me?"

"Is that really so hard to believe?" Rat hastened on before Badger could remark upon Toad's distraction. "I'm sorry if we pressured you into joining us for the harvest festival; Toad's so extraverted that I think he forgets not everyone is, and I... well, I thought you might enjoy it. I hadn't realised that, being a born and bred Riverbanker, I might not have seen... some of the more insensitive sides of the other animals."

Badger met Rat's gaze with an expression Rat couldn't quite decipher. "So you heard what was being said?"

"I heard enough."

An odd choice indeed, the whispers had gone as Toad's newest friend had made his social debut, but, then again, toads are an odd bunch anyway, almost as odd as badgers are solitary, and that's just a fact.

Unusual to see a badger out of the Wild Woods, more unusual still to see one in the company of animals other than their own kind.

It probably won't last.

Everyone knows what they say about badgers changing their stripes.

"And then, when we didn't see you for a week, of course we worried," Rat said, trying to turn the conversation round to matters he could control. "We wanted to make sure you were alright."

Badger scoffed again and turned down a corridor that opened out into a fire-lit kitchen. "And why would you care?"

"We care because we're your friends."

Badger turned on his heel. "Are you?"

Too late, Rat realised he'd flinched back, that same instinctive wariness springing up around a mammal so much larger than himself. Around a mammal that was possibly more Wild Wood than Undergrounder, and he didn't want to find out which side was dominant.

Badger's gaze moved derisively over the sudden space between them. "That's what I thought," he growled. "I'm not a charity case and I'm not a curiosity, and you'd do well to learn that."

"Was he wrong?"

Badger faltered, if only for a moment. "What?"

"Toad," Rat said, clinging onto the single truth that had propelled him this far. "Was he wrong? Are you happy here?"

"I am... accustomed to things the way they are," Badger replied.

"Are you happy?" Rat persisted. "If you are, then we'll get out of your fur. I'll find a way to drag Toad out of his harebrained schemes, and things can go back to the way they were. But... if you're not – if you have enjoyed the past few months with – with us – then let us stay."

The silence lingered for just a heartbeat too long.

Badger turned away. "I'm fine. I always am."

"I asked if you are happy, not fine," Rat amended. He watched as Badger took a seat at the tired armchair at the head of the kitchen table, and Rat cautiously drew up a chair a little further down. For not the first time – albeit perhaps not as acutely as now – he wondered just how Badger had come to be alone in this sett built for generations. There had certainly always been badgers here, but Rat had paid them little heed before now, for they were a reclusive species and generally kept to their own kin and everyone was happy with that.

He winced.

There it was again, that assumption.

It was the same assumption that had led to such obtuse remarks at the harvest festival and, indeed, Rat could not honestly deny that even he had expected Toad's newest acquaintance to be a passing fad at first. (Toad had a way with folk that rendered many friendships forged but rarely followed-up, and Rat had originally been comfortable with the assumption that Badger would be another such encounter.)

"You know," Rat said, pushing such thoughts aside, "Toad and I didn't – actually, don't, present tense – always get along." He pulled the chair a smidgen closer to the table, settling it with the overt intent to stay. "He reacts a little too impulsively, and I perhaps too little, and we clash as often as we agree." Badger didn't respond, and Rat figured this was as close to permission to continue as he was going to get. "We argued over coming here, in fact." He snorted. "Toad won, of course and I'm – well, I'm glad he did."

"Why are you here, Rat?"

Rat startled at the question he'd thought already answered. "I told you, because you're–"

"Truly. No saccharine sentiments."

Rat faltered, the easy platitude taken from him. In the space he took to consider, a clock tolled somewhere deep in the sett. "I suppose," he started slowly, "it's because I think we could be friends. If we wanted to. If we tried. And because I think, however much you protest, maybe you want that too."

x

A/N: The inspiration for this piece was Vienna Teng's Stray Italian Greyhound song which is technically about learning to fall in love for the first time, but I like interpreting it in a learning to trust a friendship for the first time way. (Especially in Badger's case for this, realising oopsie I caught platonic feels and life was so much easier before, not sure if I hate or love this.) If you want some added feels for this fic, go look up that song ;)

#cat writes #the dad trio #wind in the willows musical #witw fanfic #the point where I realise I'm writing badger based partially on the 1995 animated badger as much as the musical #anyway rat sr and badger went onto be possibly closer friends than rat sr and toad sr #but eh the course of (platonic) love never did run smooth #ehhh I was planning this to be about Badger's feelings on the subject #but started out from rat sr's POV so that didn't exactly work out #basically badger has always been pretty good at ignoring what Society says #and he's resigned himself to the fact that toad's unexpected friendship is just a fad #a 'let's befriend the badger' kinda novelty #and that once it wears off then toad sr will move on #and then badger went 'shit I actually like this friendship and now i'm worried about when the rejection eventually happens' #so decided to cut the cord himself #not expecting rat sr and toad sr to refuse to let him retreat into himself like that #this is the point where rat sr moved away from the assumption that he and badger were tied together simply because they were both #friends with toad sr #and instead starts actively considering badger his friend #not because he didn't like badger before then #but you have that weird 'two people friends with the same person trying to figure out where they stand' vibe going on

[twinkleallnight]

Without a trace.

This was an ask by @anjanettexcordonia. She gave me this mysterious title to write a fic upon.

Book: The Royal Romance AU

Word count: 1820.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to pixelberry.

Rating: Teen/ PG

Warning : None.

It’s the annual Beaumont Bash. I see so many guests circling in the hall. And then I see her. My heart skips a beat when our eyes connect.

She is walking in, her hand curled around her brother’s arm. She has pulled back her lustrous brown hair in a bun today but those side bangs touching her temples are alluring me. I want to push them back with my palm and gently place a kiss there.

When her eyes meet mine, I feel a surge of heat building up my body and I try hard to hide the blush I feel on my cheeks. She beams at the effect she has on me.

I love drowning myself into those dark grey eyes. They feel like a shadow of my light grey eyes. I enjoy watching my reflection dancing in her greys.

 I want to cup my hands around those dusky cheeks. I adore the way they rise up with her smile. I wish I can move my thumb over her lips that she has done up in wine shade. I am going to tell her how much I love that colour on those lips and then I want to taste them as if I am drinking my favourite wine.

 I will let my fingers linger for a moment on her slender neck, long enough till I feel her shiver under my touch.  I will let my hands roam over her shoulders and travel down her bare arms feeling the goose bumps my touch causes.

 I will hold her at her waist and pull her into me, till there is no scope for even the air to be between us. I will embrace her and let my worries wash away in all the love she showers on me.

 I promise myself, I will tell her how much she means to me. Yes I promise, I will tell her how much I love her. Today. It doesn’t need to wait anymore.

“Bertrand” I hear someone calling me, shaking my shoulder. I come out of my reverie to meet Leo’s gaze.

He is my friend, may be the only friend I have.

“Yes?” he is giving me a questioning look. “ Sorry I got carried away in some thoughts.”

“ Always told you, you think too much. Take actions instead of just playing things in your heavy brains.” Leo smiles. “Come we need to talk.”

He pulls me out of the main hall. Before leaving I glance back at her. She is glowing today more than ever. I pacify my mind with the plan to sneak out with her later.    

I shake my head to get rid of her thoughts and walk to the study. Leo closes the doors behind us. He takes a chair and sprawls on it carelessly. I never liked this but who can question the crown prince.

“I am abdicating.” He blurts out.

“Excuse me?”

“I said, I have decided. It’s too much to handle. I am not cut out for it.”

Leo kept on saying things like that earlier too but he seems to be speaking with conviction today. “But what about Cordonia? What about Madeleine?”

“That is for the king to decide. Besides, he has Liam- the perfectionist” he air quotes. “Madeleine and I, we sorted it out.”

“What do you mean you sorted out? You are engaged to her.” I am irritated with his irrational behaviour.

“She also blabbers something like you about obligations and responsibilities. She seems to be least interested in our relationship. She chose Cordonia over me. So, she stays back.”

“Did you speak to your father?”

“Yes, I had a discussion with Liam and then I told the king.”

“Your father, you mean...” I try correcting him.

“The. King.” Leo scowls. “He is all professional and so am I. I will call him father when and if he ever treats me like a son.”

“You are making a hasty decision. You can take a holiday, rejuvenate yourself and then come back for your duties.” I try to reason with him.

“To hell with the duties Bert. I cannot ruin my life. I get to live only once. I don’t want to live under the constant pressure.”

“There are people dependent on you. You can’t just abandon them.”

“No one is indispensable Bert.”

“Hmm” I respond thinking about where this is going and the repercussions.

There is a knock on the door. I turn and open the door to just a slit to see who is it. “Maxwell?” I question him for his purpose of intervention.

“The king and queen will be here any moment.” Max bounces up and down in excitement. I wonder when will he stabilise and understand the importance of a decent behaviour.

“I am right behind you. Give me a minute.”

I close the door again to address Leo. “Can we talk about this after some time? I am required to be out there right now.” Leo nods and we both walk out to reach the entrance just in time.

King Constantine struts in as I bow down in curtsy. “Your majesty, it’s my honour to welcome you to the Beaumont’s humble abode.”

The king surveys the hall and the enjoying crowd. He gives me a pleased smile. “You have always impressed me with your passion and sincerity towards your work.” He gives a glance behind my shoulder where Leo stands and then he continues with a sneer. “Unlike few thankless people who shun their responsibilities at the first given opportunity.”

I maintain the smile on my face while I try to ignore the snarky comments that he utters against his son. Finally, he gives me a nod and I usher him in.

The evening continues, keeping me on my toes. I greet and meet all the guests one after another. I keep glancing at her in between the conversations. I suddenly have so many doubts creating a wall of thoughts around me.

I lost my mother when I was young. Father has been in coma since past few years. I had to shoulder all the responsibilities of the duchy alone as my younger brother refuses to grow up to act like an adult. Leo, the only friend I have, is leaving. Who else do I have in my glum life?  May be her? Can I walk that line? I love her. Maybe I love her. But am I doing the right thing? Do I want to burden her with all that I have? I wish I could leave everything like Leo and runaway with her to a far distant place from here.

I scan the room again and find her standing there, looking up at her brother with a grin. He pats her cheek playfully. She side-hugs him resting her head on his shoulder. He is gazing affectionately at his only family, his little sister.

No, this is a mistake. She deserves better. I can’t be selfish pulling her into my grinding life. She needs a better chance. She needs someone who can give the world to her.

After the official dinner and formalities, it’s time to bid farewell to the king. I glance at her one last time before turning to the king. He says with enthusiasm, “I have enjoyed a delicious meal in an exquisite ambience. Your house always puts the best foot forward Duke Ramsford.”

“It’s kind of you to say that Sir.”

“We will take your leave now. Keep up the good work. You need more finances? The crown is there to help you to restore the previous years glory to your house. Just try staying away from distractions.” He clasps my shoulder while giving a side glance to her. I lower my eyes to the floor. “ Your father will be so proud of you.”

The royal couple gone, the after party starts in full swing. Maxwell is better at handling this wild part. I excuse myself and settle down in the study, brooding over the events. My promises melting away, I make new resolutions. A knock on the door brings me to ground.

“Come in.” I straighten up.

The door opens to reveal her full form. I start feeling the rush through my veins. This is it.

Her face brightens up. She rushes in towards me with eager steps and hugs me. “I have been waiting for a moment alone with you. I wanted to tell you something.”

I know my face bears a serious look that must have stopped her. She suddenly takes a step back. “What’s the matter? You have been distant all evening.”

“We… we… I am afraid we cannot continue.”

She gives me a puzzled look. “Cannot continue? What do you mean?”

“I have more pressing issues at hand and I cannot waste time in some flirtatious affair right now.”

“Was is it just a passing affair for you all this time?” she says in a hurtful voice.

“ You can have a better life outside these walls. I think I have made myself clear enough. You may leave unless you have anything else to discuss.”

“I never expected this from you Bertrand.” She says retrieving away.

Her eyes sadly look at the walls and the furniture around as if absorbing the warmth of the room for one last time. We have shared precious moments here. My heart feels her pain and I want to hold her tight, one last time. But I keep standing stiffly, till she walks out and shuts the door.

“ Your father will be so proud of you.” The kings voice echoes in my ears.

I plop down into my chair with a thud. I feel the energy in my body draining out. I hold my head in my hands. This was the only way, I try to console myself.

*************

Leo leaves for a stupid cruise after few days. The king is hoping that he will come back and the plan of his abdication has been put under the rugs for now. I return to the manor after saying my good byes to him.

I see Maxwell rushing out somewhere.

“Where are you going?” I ask him.

“Uh...” he fumbles giving me an inkling that he is again trying to hide something crazy he has done.

“What have you done now?” I raise my voice.

“Nothing. I didn’t do anything. It’s Drake.” He still tries to cover up.

“What did he do?”

“Actually it’s not about him. It’s Savannah.”

“What about her?” I start getting anxious.

“She went missing two days ago with only a handwritten note for Drake, saying not to search for her. She is leaving for a better life. We have been searching everywhere but no luck.” Max fills in quickly. “Can I leave now?”

“Uh… yes… yes. Go help him.” I wave my hand.

Better life. I said that to her. But I never thought she will leave everyone. What have I done?

Tags: @ao719 @annekebbphotography @anjanettexcordonia @bebepac @charlotteg234 @choicesficwriterscreations @choiceskatie @cordonia-gothqueen @cordonianroyalty @drakewalker04 @eadanga @gkittylove99 @glaimtruelovealways @kat-tia801 @hopefulmoonobject @hopelessromanticmonie @iam-the-kind-and-thoughtful @idontknowwhysblog @jessiembruno @jovialyouthmusic @jaxsmutsuo @kingliam2019 @khoicesbyk @lifeaskim @lisha1valecha @lovablegranny @mrswalkers-blog @mom2000aggie @no-one-u-know @ntoraplayschoices @princessleac1 @ritachacha @secretaryunpaid @sirbeepsalot @speedyoperarascalparty @shanzay44 @texaskitten30 @queenrileyrose @sanchita012 @sfb123 @theroyalheirshadowhunter @aestheticartsx @yourmajesty09

#pixelberry #playchoices #the royal romance #trr #trr fandom #twinkleallnight #bertrand beaumont #savannah walker

[silvialightning]

I had a look in the notes of the ‘despite it’s flaws I enjoy it’, and the number of people in there saying that cancel culture isn’t real and doesn’t effect people is wild to me. Like I was an autistic teenager while it was really big and it screwed up my social development in a way that I’m still having to work hard to undo, caused me to have some very Puritan views regarding my own sexuality, caused people to talk to me in increasingly ableist ways until I just stopped putting anything I created online, destroyed my ability to use fandom spaces as a means of relaxing during periods of trauma, and directly led to the suicide of at least two people in my online vicinity. Like what more do they want it to do?

It is wild that some ppl don’t think that cancel culture is real or that impactful to someone’s life. It’s dangerous to the “target” of the harassment/canceling, plus it teaches thousands of anonymous ppl to bandwagon against someone when they make one small mistake (or even if it was something done years ago) or hell, it might not even be a “bad thing” they did at all and it’s just an opinion or misunderstanding one person had that now hundreds are repeating. And the pressure involved in being in that environment and worrying about saying something deemed “wrong.” To have those very same ppl turn on you in an instant is scary.

Internet and the culture on it is such a rapidly growing thing, with people reacting on emotional instinct and behind anonymity thus not actually facing the weight of their words/actions done onto others. And the fact that so many young people are involved is troubling too. Bc they’re learning that this is just what you do. And. It’s so not ok to do this kind of thing. To harass and threaten others.

Then there’s an unspoken rule in those circles about if you defend someone or suggest not being so harsh to others, your “friends” could turn on a dime and call you vile things. It’s very fucked up that internet culture has done this shift in such a reactionary way and people can’t seem to think critically and instead jump to threats and insults and the like.

There’s a dangerous “us vs them” mentality that’s so unhealthy to be involved with. I’ve seen those circles forming on tumblr with some shows/games/etc. Fandom should always be a fun way to escape reality for a bit and it’s a shame fandom is the way it is now.

For someone to deny cancel culture they must not be very invested in fandom/spends little time on the internet or watching news. But it’s been brought up so often for such a long time now?? Maybe they don’t understand the full extent of it??? Maybe they see it as petty things being accused at another, and that commonality is so frequent that people can just….brush it off and ignore that kind of shit. Not everyone can shake off that kind of harassment. It is hard to ignore, even if it’s coming from kids and you know they’re pushing the envelope and acting immature (sometimes even adults act on that purity culture, which is alarming when they themselves cannot be mature) Online drama can snowball in the dumbest ways sometimes.

I think maybe some people are just ignorant to the scope of real harm people on the internet can cause others. Not everyone can just ignore comments and go about their day. Especially if you dive headfirst into fandom drama, it can be mentally harmful with how toxic people can get. And no amount of explaining the harm they cause will change their minds.

If you slip up with phrasing something or make a bad joke or just not realize something you said is bad….People will Let You Know you fucked up, in some extreme cases with threats of harm. Being in such a pressured environment would effect anyone, especially people who just want to fit in and have friends.

Tbh I could ramble on about how I’ve seen people (mostly in fandom spaces, bc tumblr is the only social media really I have) take this hard right into being super critical of every little action someone does…. And wonder about the dangerous group mentality of it. People don’t just block others or blacklist tags anymore? That’s literally what they’re there for. And cancel culture is absolutely causing so much harm to so many people I cannot see how anybody would be unaware of it.

The ability to acknowledge the effect it has had on you and to try and work through that takes a lot and I’m glad you’re at that stage with it. And hopefully you’ll find a chill group in whatever fandoms you like so you can enjoy creating/talking about those things again. (Also that block button is very useful! If I ever see someone in the fandom tag saying extremely messed up/threatening things about a shipping group for example, that’s an immediate block. It’ll help cultivate a better experience.)

#ask #anon #I put it under a read more bc I rambled on about it #it so clearly has a heavy impact on ppl’s lives #especially if you get wrapped up in that stuff at a younger age- I worry for a lot of ppl in those environments #I also took a bit to answer this bc it is a topic I think about a bit #tw sui mention #suicide #tw suicide #tw suicide mention #suicide mention #discourse #fandom drama

[letteredlettered]

hi! ive been following your writing for a few years now and i drop by periodically to check if you have anything new posted, and im really surprised that you seem to be enjoying the untamed? im curious what you think about the show - its story and characters, the acting, the production, etc. idk if you know, but the untamed is the most successful example of a current trend in chinese entertainment, where popular online novels centered around a gay romance is adapted into a 'safe' drama.

continued:

due to the many explicit and implicit restrictions imposed on creative media in china, many crucial plot points have to be changed (often badly) or removed, including the nature of the relationship between the main characters. the untamed is considered the most loyal adaptation so far, but like all other works in the genre, it received criticism for weak acting and queerbaiting. that's why im really curious about what you think of the show as it is, as itself, free from its context.

if you're interested, you could also check out guardian! it features much better performance and chemistry by the leads imo, but the story was heavily botched bc the original incorporates and reinvents a lot of classic chinese folklore beautifully and stuff like that is considered disrespectful and not-pc. i think it's really sad how so many great pieces of writing with complex world-building and plotlines are simplified into... idek what to call them, but just, less than what they are.

im sorry this turned into a rant. as a mainland chinese person with oh so many frustrations about our current society, it's hard to comprehensively describe my feelings about the untamed's popularity. it's the first mainland chinese show/movie to gain this much organic interest abroad so i should be glad? but, but. anyway, yes, im sorry.

There’s no need to apologize for ranting, but I admit to some confusion as to whether you want your question addressed or the rant. Because I’m me and tend to be thorough, I’ll address everything, in reverse order.

First of all, I’m sorry that this show is sad to you. I’m sorry that the popularity of it is difficult. I’m also deeply sympathetic to your frustrations about your society, as I too am deeply frustrated by my own.

Secondly, yes, I’m aware of the context of The Untamed. I’m aware that the book it’s based on is a BL novel, and that, in order to align with Chinese politics, overt queerness was erased from the adaptation. I’m aware of the censure laws of gay media in China. I’m also aware that some aspects of necromancy and morality were adjusted to make the show more palatable for general audiences, but I’m fuzzier on those details. Lastly, I’m aware that the popularity of the show calls attention to certain things, such as fanfic, and that attention results in more censorship,

The fact of this erasure and this censure provokes a lot of questions: by consuming this product, which contains erasure and censure, do we engage in the erasure and censure? By posting gifs and writing fanfic and talking about this product, do we increase its popularity, thereby encouraging additional erasure and censure? By increasing the popularity of this product, do we diminish the popularity of the original gay morally gray canon, thereby decreasing representation? Do we discourage other authors in China from writing explicitly gay morally gray material? In short, are we allowed to enjoy this media?

I don’t know the answer to these questions. However, I do know that boycott is a very effective tool when it can inflict economic pain on the producer, or when it can exert pressure on an entity to change. That said, I feel like a lot of the calls to boycott certain media these days are a lot like telling people to stop driving their cars to stop climate change: it’s suggesting that individuals can solve the problem, which presupposes individuals are the problem, and therefore fails to address the scope of the problem, or present the possibility of a real solution. Not watching The Untamed isn’t going to change laws about portrayals of homosexuality onscreen in China, partly because the laws in China are a much bigger problem.

The other part of it is that The Untamed is coded queer, so if you run a successful boycott against it, you end up with . . . less queer TV. I know a whole lot less about China than I do about the Hays Code, but if you had told gay people during the Golden Age of Hollywood that they couldn’t enjoy movies that were coded queer because they weren’t explicitly queer, they’d have said you were crazy. In fact, many people will tell you that media that was coded queer was a big reason we got more explicit queer stuff later. And as I’m sure you’re aware, the US is still fighting that battle . . . partly because it wants to sell movies to China.

So then there’s a question about whether me, an American in the US, liking something coded queer from China but not explicitly queer--does that encourage Chinese censorship? Should I only support texts that are explicitly queer? But the answer is the same--it’s not addressing the scope of the problem, and by supporting texts that are coded queer, you could be paving the way in the future for something brighter.

But you weren’t talking about boycott! You were talking about your discomfort with the popularity with this show, which I accept. I understand feeling uncomfortable. I can only hope it makes you a bit more comfortable to know that plenty of fans are deeply aware of the context and do wrestle with the question of what liking this show means in the context of a society that would never allow aspects of the original to be portrayed onscreen.

Thirdly, I’m not against trying Guardian at some point, but by comparing the acting and chemistry of the leads to The Untamed, I feel like you prove our tastes are very different in these regards. I love the acting of the leads in The Untamed; I found their chemistry off the charts. It’s okay you don’t feel the same.

Lastly, you asked my opinion of The Untamed: its story and characters, the acting, the production, sans context of the canon upon which its based and censorship laws in China.

a. I love the overall story, but the plot has deep plot holes. Quite a few segments do not actually make sense to me, because the plot is so haywire. However, I’ve never cared that much about plot, except when it gets in the way of characters and themes, and for the most part, this plot serves its characters and themes, except when the parts they leave out are so confusing that I cannot follow the story. As for the story, it feels like it’s built for me, because ultimately it’s about moral decisions and how to make them; it’s about guilt and paying for mistakes; it’s about learning, changing your mind, and remaking yourself. Really, I’m not sure there are many stories I love more--except they killed my favorite character, and I almost quit. So, that certainly put a damper on things.

b. I love the characters most of all, although the villains are really two-dimensional. However, large parts of the plot are not Hero vs Villain, they’re Hero vs Society, and then some Hero vs Himself in a way that suggests the Hero is no longer a hero. I could talk about the characters forever, but suffice it to say I think they’re really strong. Also, the relationships are really exquisite, particularly when it comes to family dynamics. Unfortunately, they killed my favorite character off. Also unfortunately, there are six women in this show, only two of them are main characters, and every single one of them dies. It disgusts me.

c. I think the two leads are exceptional, in particular Xiao Zhan . . . when he’s not being too broad, which he is quite a bit. However, I do wonder how much of this is direction and production style, because in many instances, he’s quite subtle, and the choices he makes are astounding. Then there are times where it’s like they needed more footage, or wanted to drive home a point, and he turns on the extra, and it’s awful. It could just be him, but I actually feel it’s the case with most of the actors, which does make me think it’s a directing issue. Meng Ziyi never really has that problem though, because she is the most perfect of all. But then take He Peng, who I actually thought could be incredible, but every scene was just SO BROAD that I began to feel sorry for the poor dude having to act that part. But there is nothing to be said for Wang Zhuo Cheng, who really is just terrible, which is sad, because it’s a great part.

d. Production-wise, it’s really hit and miss. So much of the locations are truly beautiful. A lot of the costumes are too, unless the shot is too close. I actually don’t mind the wigs; I love the long hair. The CGI is terrible. And then while a lot of the shots are beautiful, some of them are awkward, and the pacing is really difficult, imo. It really seems like they wanted to drag it out, and there are so, so many scenes where I’m sort of embarrassed that we’re in the same scene or that we’re still looking at someone’s face, or that everyone is just standing there waiting for the shot to finally end.

I will say that film is a language that does differ from culture to culture. It could be that both the broadness of the acting and the awkwardness of the editing are my cultural lens based on American and a lot of western film. When I watched older Hollywood films, the acting is a lot more broad and maybe a little less “true” feeling, but I understand that it’s not the case everyone in the past was a bad actor. It was just a different style, so I’m not sure I’m equipped with the cultural knowledge of Chinese acting, cinematography, and editing to be able to really judge the value of these things.

I do know how I feel, which is that the editing is the biggest hurdle for me while watching the show. However, I feel that the beauty of it makes up for a lot, and the strength of the characters and themes really carries it.

I hope I addressed your points adequately, and I wish you well.

#Anonymous #the untamed #china

[bluedemon1995]

30-Mistletoe Sorry it’s a little late!

Christmas party …. 3 years post war

Shiro looked up, catching sight of Keith, smiling he loudly exclaims, “Keith! You made it!” He takes in Keith striding up to him with a shit eating grin and so many memories flash through his mind. Closing his eyes for just a moment and then when he reopens them Keith is there.

Keith nodds, calmly replying, “I told you I would. Have a little faith.”

Shiro sighs, “Yeah, yeah, I do…but I wasn’t sure if you could. Hell, you might get busy, emergency or just plain forgot. But damn, it’s good to see you in person.” He reaches over and hugs him tight. “Real good.” Patting his back he enjoys this moment.

Keith smiles and looks around, “Impressive turnout. Seems like everyone is in the spirit.” Taking in Shiro’s lighted Christmas tree sweater, he arches a brow, “Especially you.”

Shiro smiled, “Yeah, we did. Hell, with your arrival, we actually have all of us here. You know what that means, we have to get a family picture. I think the last one was from my wedding.”

Keith arched a brow. “Yeah sure, if you want proof of your horrible taste in clothing,” Shrugging, “ I’m game. Definitely not arguing, so, um, where are the others?”

Matt slaps Keith on the back, hard, coming up from nowhere, sing-songing, “Ohhhhh, ho, ho, ho, do you mean my sister, fa la la la la!?”

Shiro and Matt laugh loudly and Keith rolls his eyes.”Shut up guys, that doesn’t even rhyme and more importantly someone might hear you.”

Lance strolls up at that exact moment, “What are we talking about guys? Merry Christmas Keith.” He claps Keith on the back before pulling him in for a full on hug.

Keith nods, “Merry Christmas, Lance, you’re looking well.”

“Damn dude, it’s good to see you, no need to be so formal.”

Shiro catches Lance’s eye, asking directly, “Hey have you seen Pidge or Hunk?”

“Yep, Hunk is near the kitchen scoping out the chefs and what not. I personally think he’s crazy for not enjoying a night off but you know him and food. And Pidge is over there.” Arm wave and pointing to a corner, “From what I gathered or more accurately easedropped-from Veronica, Griffin had a plan to get her under under the mistletoe. So I’m sure operation Green is in effect.”

Keith freezes and manages to wheeze out a “Huh?

Hunk approaches, “Yeah apparently Ina told Shay that Griffin had feelings for Pidge. But, our Pidge was oblivious and didn’t pick upon subtle hints. So I think Griffin planned on his big move tonight.”

Keith started coughing and wheezing, finally getting out, “Does she like him?”

Both Hunk and Lance are now looking concerned, when Matt replies, “Why, what’s it to you? Does her liking someone else make you blue?

Lance started laughing, “What the hell man? Are you Dr. Seuss?” Laughing maniacally, he stutters out, “Man that rhymed!

But then he catches sight of Keith’s pale face and stops. “Keith, man, talk to us.” Looking to Shiro, he asks “What the hell is going on?”

Shiro looks at Keith, “That’s your truth to tell.”

Everyone quiets, when Lance speaks again, “Keith, if you, um, like Pidge, please don’t wait. Love is something that is worth whatever it is your are worried about risking. Take it from me-really. Don’t wait.”

Then Matt chimes in, “Yeah, ditto but also, have a little faith in yourself and Pidge. She’s been asked out by a ton of guys for various reasons. She’s still single for a reason and it’s not for lack of options. But well, let’s just say, everyone has a breaking point or a time limit. Go get her. Don’t let your time expire.”

Keith looks at his friends, no his family and nods. He takes a deep breath, and replies, “Yeah, I gotta go see about my girl. Where is this mistletoe located?”

After some instructions and recommendations, he’s off.

Meanwhile, Pidge is trying to get away from well everyone. Her mom is trying to introduce her to every single guy and her dad wants her to explain their newest project to some serous annoying upper commanders. Finally, she goes to the bathroom to escape. As she leaves she thought she saw Keith but got intercepted by Mark.

Luckily James and Veronica saved her and James pulled her away. As they were walking he stopped and grabbed both her hands. “Katie, lookup.”

As she looked up and saw the mistletoe, James pulled her closer, “Um, can I kiss you?” Pidge’s brain paused and finally she nodded hesitantly, “Um, sure?”

He leaned forward and gave her a really sweet kiss. It was nice but again Pidge wondered, is it this it? Maybe the romance novels she’s taken to reading are all lies, or maybe just misdirection. When he stopped she looked up at him, and he looked so pleased she again thought, what am I missing here?

Suddenly, she heard a growl. Blinking she turned to see Keith. She felt super embarrassed and wasn’t even sure why. Then Keith said, “Excuse me, Griffin, but we have a family picture to take. Excuse us.”

He reached for her hand, pulling her from James and she quickly called out, “Um, see you later.” That was about all she got out because Keith was fast walking and dragging her away.

As she reaches the group, everyone starts talking at once and she’s instantly confused. Finally she raises a hand, “Stop! What’s going on?”

Keith bites out, “Family picture. Let’s go.”

Never letting go of Pidge, everyone gets together in the ‘photo booth’ area. Silly, serious, fun pictures all had. Finally, she is talking to Hunk and Lance, who quietly ask, if James kissed her. Face red she replies, “Mmmhmmm.”

Hunk asks delicately, “So do you think you like him?”

Pidge sighs, “Honestly, the kiss was nice. Nicer than some of the guys who I’ve gone on dates with. But, um, maybe I’m just not a passionate person. Maybe I’m not like, I dunno a girl who feels strong emotions? Cuz it was all just okay.”

Lance nods, “I’m going to get us all a drink, sit tight. Keep Hunk company until Shay gets here.” Pidge nods quickly, “No problemo.”

Lance quickly approaches Keith, pulling him aside, “This is your chance. Take it! She felt eh, about Griffin. She thinks she isn’t passionate and let’s face it, Pidge is passionate! But she’s gotta be invested, she’s gotta care. GO before someone else untaps her potentioal!”

Keith takes a deep breath, “Yeah, okay, thanks.”

He goes to where the mistletoe is and quickly removes it. He doesn’t want his first kiss with her to be in the same place where she kissed Griffin, stupid or not, it’s how he feels. He places it instead outside on the balcony. Coming back in, he walks over to the group.

“Hey, I’m pretty hot, is there anywhere I can get some fresh air?”

Luckily Pidge replies, “Sure, wanna go out on the balcony?”

Keith readily agrees and when they leave he looks back to see encouraging grins and thumbs up. Smiling he loosens his necktie and places his hand on Pidge’s lower back, just enjoying the heat of her body, her scent, man, he knows it’s primitive but he he really just feels at peace around her.

As they step out, Keith maneuvers her to the darkened bench. As they sit, he looks up, “Um, hey, isn’t that mistletoe?”

Pidge looks up, turning red she replies, “Um, maybe?”

At that Keith looks down at her upturned face, he mutters, “Katie.” He slowly lowers his lips to hers, gently at first…slowly gaining pressure, making sure she was on board. He feels her hands grip his biceps then move up his shoulders then to his neck. When her hands were tangled in his hair and he found even breathing was hard. But hell, he didn’t want to. He yanked her closer and finally sat her on his lap. She was everything he dreamed of and more. He couldn’t think, only react.

Pidge on the other hand was amazed. THIS, this is what the books talked about, described. The heat, the passion, there was no thought just feeling. A lot of feeling. Finally breaking free to breath, she looked at Keith, amazed.

“Keith, what the hell was that?”

He smiled, “Hopefully, just the beginning.”

#katie holt #keith kogane #kidge #kidgemas 2020 #keith x pidge #keith and pidge #pidge and keith

[scripttorture]

I have a weird scenario and i want to ask about its implications, mostly focusing on soliditary confinement aspects. So I am writing about this all powerful being who is immortal+eternally youthful (with a human like mind) who gets trapped in basically a big snowglobe created by his powers. Its a big mostly open space set inside a forest with a magic mansion to occupy him and provide him basic needs and the limits of the globe are very defined. {1/4}

{Weird anon} After some time alone he comes to create a friend to accompany him and make sure everything goes well during his absence using his powers. This friend can and does leave for periods of time to fullfill his duties but comes back. The being also realises during his imprisonment his powers dwindle with time and the globe starts to get smaller as he starts to age, meaning he will either die from old age or the globe shrinking. {2/4} {WA}After what he thinks must be a long time, his graying hair biggest indication, kids who knew about his legend come to discover him. They then bring him their older sibling, then their parents to talk and after some plot he gets to get some of his powers back and be free. (Posting my questions in the last part) {3/4} {WA} I was wondering if the confinement area being comfy and big, him having this friend would help during confinement? How could he react to aging/idea of dying? Although this isnt very possible in RL, could the fact he had to create this friend ,but mostly the fact he would have no one else if he didnt, get to him? How could he interract with kids/people who found him, i know people tend to have difficulty with interractions after time. Ty for your help! {4/4} {WA EXTRA} Forgot to mention these but 3 kids are 10 to 12, older sibling is 14-15, parents are mid thirties . Again, thank you for your time.

-

That’s an interesting fantasy scenario (and not even close to the weirdest thing I’ve been asked) thank you for sharing it :)

 I think the first thing to grasp is that this character isn’t constantly in solitary confinement here and that’s a smart writing choice. You’ve got the character creating at least one companion and even though that companion isn’t always present that means it’s likely they’re both getting at least 1-2 hours of contact most of the time.

 That doesn’t mean this isn’t a stressful situation and it doesn’t mean there are no periods of solitary confinement.

 But it gives you leeway to make the effects of this fairly realistic even with the fantasy concept.

 Having a big, comfortable space doesn’t really make a difference to how well people deal with isolation. Socialising is a physical need for social species like humans. But the presence of a companion makes the world of difference.

 I think the first thing to decide is exactly how long it takes him to make his companion. A lot of people really overestimate the time we can withstand isolation.

 For reference the safe period is about a week. After that most people will start to show symptoms and the symptoms are a lot more likely to persist after release. A month is more then enough time for the character to be seriously effected. A year is a really extreme amount of time. And by the time you start getting to multiple years the chances of suicide attempts are… significant.

 With the kind of story you’re describing I get the impression you want long term effects but don’t want symptoms etc to take over the story. I think 1-3 months is a perfect time frame for that. The character would develop long term symptoms but it’s still in the realm where it’s survivable. Which means it’s less likely to take over the whole narrative.

 You’ve probably seen my masterpost on solitary confinement but here it is again just in case :) I really recommend Shalev’s Sourcebook on Solitary Confinement which is linked as one of the sources on the post.

 As with the symptoms of torture more generally you’ve got some scope to choose symptoms because not everyone will experience every single symptom. There’s still some debate about how common individual symptoms are. However broadly depression and anxiety seem to be very common and hallucinations are less common (though they seem to become more likely the longer someone is confined). It’s a good idea to pick a mix of physical and psychological symptoms.

 If you choose insomnia as a symptom remember that sleep deprivation also causes problems which you can read about in the masterpost here.

 If this is your first time writing something like this then picking out symptoms can be daunting. I try to think of it in terms of what adds to the story. I try to consider the characters, plot and overall themes. Symptoms that give you opportunities to show aspects of the character’s personality, change their relationship with other characters, highlight themes in the story and/or create interesting problems in the plot later on are all good picks.

 It’s also important to consider what you’re comfortable writing and what you feel able to write. If you don’t want to write self harm for example that’s a perfectly good reason for ruling out that symptom.

 I have a post that outlines my process for picking symptoms that might be helpful for you. :)

 I think that brings us round to the more fantasy side of the questions.

 I’ll be honest and say that I don’t know how people generally deal with the idea that they’re going to die soon. I suspect that there’d be a lot of individual variation. I think you’ll get the best answers by looking up charities that support people with terminal illnesses.

 I found a couple of links at Marie Curie that might serve as a starting point. There’s this page on palliative care. This general page (with lots of links and first hand accounts) of living with a terminal illness. You might find this page about emotionally processing a terminal diagnosis helpful.

 I would treat the emotional issues around the created companion the same as a character who is reliant on only one person for their social needs. Which can put a lot of weird strains on a relationship.

 I’m not a psychologist and what I say here is based on impressions I gained from interviews with people who are very isolated. If you see a mental health professional or someone who studies isolation more seriously saying something different take their word over mine. Because my reading and knowledge is broad rather then deep.

 Relying on one person for all your social needs isn’t healthy. We all have different needs and it’s a lot easier for those needs to be met when we’re interacting with more then one person. Being entirely reliant on one person puts a lot of pressure on that person. It can make it seem like any problems or issues the more isolated person has are the other person’s fault.

 Because they’re not magically meeting all of someone’s needs. And I say ‘magically’ because it’s almost impossible for one person to do the ‘job’ of a dozen people.

 There can be a lot of guilt, resentment and anger floating around in this sort of dependant relationship. Even when both parties are genuinely trying their best and trying to be healthy.

 Any depressive period or severe mood swing on the part of the reliant character might be interpreted as failure by the companion. As if it’s their job to ‘fix’ the mental health problems he has. And that can lead to a lot of internalised guilt and shame.

 Conversely being aware of how dependant he is could make the confined character resent the comparative freedom of his companion. They get to leave. They’ll survive the end of this snow-globe. They’ve never had to be alone as he was.

 The companion has a lot of power in this scenario because the confined character is entirely reliant on them. They also have the power to leave. Knowing that can breed resentment, whether it’s rational or not. And if it’s irrational and ‘undeserved’ that can lead to a degree of self hatred and guilt.

 For both parties anger at each other and the situation seems likely. Not necessarily all the time but I think it’s likely to come up over and over again.

 The companion has their own desires and wants. But the confined character is entirely dependant on them and may well expect them to drop everything to help him/meet his socialisation needs. And the thing is that’s unfair on both of them, because the situation is unfair.

 That’s not a critique of the story. It’s unfair for the confined character to expect the companion to be able to meet all his needs and to drop everything to help him. But it’s also not unreasonable for the confined character to grasp at his only option for fulfilling a fundamental need.

 I think that if you wanted to treat this ‘realistically’ then it would lead to a pretty unhealthy co-dependant relationship however much both characters tried to avoid that.

 But you do have the ability to reduce or avoid that in your story. Because you choose the rules for how this companion feels, acts and behaves.

 The confined character may be human-like but in a lot of ways the companion does not have to be. A realistic human-like person would not be able to support all the social needs of another person. But there’s no reason the companion has to be that human.

 If you do choose to deviate from a more human-like character I think my advice would be to think through any changes you make logically. And be consistent. If for instance the character can’t feel angry or resentful towards their creator think through what that might mean.

 Which leaves the final question about interacting with others and how difficult that can be after periods of isolation.

 The exact way this effects interactions depends chiefly on the symptoms you pick out and the character’s personality.

 Generally mentally ill people do not want to be assholes or upset other people. But we do tend to have greater difficulties interacting with people and our social interactions can go badly in ways that healthy people don’t tend to experience.

 For instance say we have a character who has a severe anxiety disorder and this disorder is often set off by noises they don’t expect. That’s a fairly common symptom and a fairly common trigger for it.

 That means that kids running around, shouting or just talking loudly about something that excites them, could set off an anxiety attack.

 Some people would get angry in that situation. Because they’re in pain and, even though they did not mean to, those kids ‘caused’ that pain.

 Some people would abruptly remove themselves from the situation. Which could leave the kids wondering why/how they upset their new friend so much.

 Some people would stick around and not blame the kids. But they might have visible signs of their anxiety attack that could be very frightening for a child who doesn’t understand what’s going on. If an adult they care about suddenly starts shaking and breathing hard and needs to sit down and looks pale- Well worry is natural. And it’s difficult to explain triggers/mental health problems while you’re in the middle of an anxiety attack.

 So there’s a set of issues that are symptom driven and around the extra difficulties interacting while mentally ill. There’s also a set of issues around… basically forgetting how to socialise.

 This doesn’t necessarily mean being age in-appropriate.

 I think the best way to think about it is a combination of finding it harder to interpret other people’s emotional cues and being less aware of the cues they’re sending out themselves. It might take longer for the character to realise they’ve upset someone or they might misidentify the other person’s emotional response.

 They might also think less before they speak. Which can mean things like- I guess not moderating what they say to account for other people’s feelings? They might come across as blunt or thoughtless or scatter brained as they jump from one topic to another. They might also have less of a grasp of when to give the other person space and let them speak.

 The biggest thing I see survivors of solitary report is that normal social interaction makes them much more anxious/nervous then it did before they were confined. Socialising has a bigger ‘cost’ then before, in terms of energy and emotional impact.

 And this often means they withdraw from it more quickly. They need to take breaks. Or they start getting more stressed and frustrated.

 I think the main thing to navigate here would be how to explain these conditions and needs to children in a way that doesn’t seem like it’s blaming the kids. Which is certainly possible, but can take some time and care to get right.

 I think I’ll leave it there and if you’ve got any further questions drop them in when the ask box reopens. I hope that helps :)

Available on Wordpress.

Disclaimer

#writing advice #tw torture #tw suicide #tw self harm #tw cancer #fantasy ask #solitary confinement #effects of solitary confinement #isolation #writing survivors #torture survivors and relationships #unhealthy relationships #terminal illness #writing symptoms

[massistocchifontana]

Stretching the soul

Stretching the soul

 I have always had an interesting relationship with death. It began at a very young age when I experienced my grandfather passing away and always remember the impact that it had on my family, my mom in particular. It was then, when looking back that I can see how our relationship with many events in our lives are not really based on our choosing but very much dependent on how we’ve been conditioned in our formative years. What I experienced was immensely powerful, too powerful for words at that stage of my life, but I felt everything.

 The fear of death became a center stone for me, especially living in south Africa where we saw the scope of the land changing and becoming more and more aggressive to the point that nowadays it is pretty much in a state of consistent violence. 

 This fear of death, or shall we call it death anxiety is an experience which fed into my anxiety and how I related to others and the world I was living in.

 Throughout the years of growing and experiencing, death always followed. Which is what it does I guess. It’s there. It’s inevitable and its going to get us one day.

 I titled this blog post stretching the soul because my soul has been stretched this year. I lost a dear friend to suicide and no one knew it was going to happen. A young man suffering silently as many of us do and he chose to take his own life alone. It’s the alone part of suicide that always gets me, and I do wonder if we were given the option to share the experience how different it would be for the one going and the ones letting them go.

 Nonetheless, as the days turn into weeks, the weeks turn into months and the image of the person slowly fades depending on how “well” we grieve. The letting go of the other is something immensely difficult and there is no amount of experience that makes it any easier. Instead we have to endure the missing space of the other and keep moving in flow, because if we don’t, we too have the same potential fate looming if and when we give into the “choice”.

 One of the saddest and most life changing events happened this year too. My dear grandmother passed away after having a stroke and we watched daily how she struggled to fight to live and push through what had happened to her. It always seems so cruel to me that many of us, especially empaths struggle in the most profound and deep manner in trying to make the world a better place for others. It is only when they aren’t here that the others realise how much of a role they played and how important they were to the infrastructure of their lives. 

 It seems that grieving is the theme for the moment. It is a weird thing grief. The more surrendered you are to the given that we die, the easier it seems, then all of a sudden your blasted with this immense pain of the loss of the person who took up such a special part in your life. Then you go back to trying to live life and there is a constant blur and weird surreal feeling that they should be there but they actually aren’t.

 In this process of grief, there have been so many confirmations of certain beliefs that I have always had, but found even more necessity in reinforcing these values and beliefs. 

 1.     You only have one life damn-well live it 

2.     Live for yourself. Truly live for you in the most shared manner possible. This isn’t about nurturing the narcissist in us, but it is respecting ourselves enough that we truly owe it to ourselves to live (whatever you define that to be)

3.     Forget happiness! It doesn’t exist in my head, this is just a romanticized pressure placed on us rather than recognizing that life is an accumulation of millions of moments where we can find joy in them. It is our sole responsibility in finding these moments and relishing in them in joy. This is completely a choice.

4.     There is nothing more important than being-with-others. This is a testing process because we always face certain ruptures and it is and should be a joint obligation to work on fixing the rupture to create a different manner of relating. If the other is unable to recognize that they are also responsible for the wellbeing of the relationship and needing to make the necessary repairs then always leave them better off than when you met them first. This is up to you how you interpret that, but for me it’s being as authentic as possible and being as non-attached as possible. You have a responsibility to yourself and your emotional self, the same is said for the other, so be free in showing who you are. 

5.     If you don’t know what love is and how it feels, truly explore what it means. Throw yourself into love in every single way it may present itself in life. It is such a shame that many of us will never experience the love of another, but what is even more of a shame is if we never experience the love of ourselves towards ourselves. True self love.

  Now I leave this with my favorite saying, Via Con Dios, because I truly believe that if we cannot say anything good then it is better not to say anything at all, but this is filled with goodness and wish nothing but goodness to everyone. 

#Grief #Grief counselling #Grief therapy #Dealing with loss #Suicide #death

[foureyeswithanicesmile]

{Part two}

Gender of reader isn’t specified :)

Quote:

‘ Grayson? Grayson oh my god.’

_____________________________

It was a late night in the city of San Francisco; summer air contrasting with the darker sky as everyone went about their night. All except you.

You had waited for Dick Grayson, who went from your enemy to a little more than a friend, in his apartment in order for him to see you after work; To thank him for two nights ago since he saved your ass from bleeding out.

But Dick Grayson was supposed to be back an hour ago.

Maybe he was just side tracked? He did have to check up on Rachel and Kory after all.

Another hour passed and you grew slightly anxious, debated calling him after strings of half-angry half-worried messages and voice notes were sent from your phone.

What if he just forgot? Grayson’s a busy boy he always is doing something he shouldn’t.

However, he did undress you, dressed you and asked you to kiss him; thats not something you walk away from everyday without any strings attached.

Studying the hours diligently, you began to pace up and down his apartment, worry and almost frustration coursing through you.

Where was Dick Grayson? He would’ve at least sent sarcastic message to say he was running late; but the lack of engagement was concerning.

Another hour had passed before you said ‘ fuck it’, grabbing your almost retired vigilante gear and your hand gun from your bag. Some may ask why you had a gun in your bag when you were only going to see a friend, but it’s because shit like this happens.

‘ Alright Dick Grayson- lets hope you aren’t dying somewhere.’

The adrenaline you got from jumping from scaffolding and strangers’ rooftops was exhilarating; almost to the point where you forgot what you came for. Who you came for.

‘ Dick?’ You called out, even going as far as dangling yourself over buildings to whisper shout his name into any alleyways.

Still nothing.

‘ Oh fuck it’

You sighed, pulling out your phone in order to track him.

Whilst you regretted tracking many members of your company, if Dick was in trouble he wouldn’t exactly be too mad; besides, he’s done the same to you plenty of times.

‘ All the way in the nightclub alleyway? Did this fuckhead leave me to get drunk? i’m gonna kick his head in I swear to God’ You swore to yourself, stealthily making your way to the nearest and invisible rooftop by Dick Grayson’s location.

‘ Alright- where are you huh?’ You trailed off, observing the ground with your scoped gun.

After what seemed forever to look for; you noticed brunette hair sticking out from the outside of the club.

Club was empty. You realised, all the lights eerily unlit as you approached it.

With your pistol in your hand carefully, you dropped yourself in the alleyway, calling out Dick’s name one more time.

‘ Grayson? Where the fuck are you?’ You exclaimed again, walking in the dark confused and almost creeped out.

You believed all hope was lost until a voice spoke brokenly from the corner; the tone immediately catching your attention.

‘ Grayson?? Grayson? oh my god’

And there he was, Dick Grayson in the flesh, bloody nose and half conscious. Confusedly, you sprinted over to him, dropping onto your knees without your regular concern of hurting your knees on the gravel.

‘ Grayson? Grayson what the fuck happened??’ You asked, attempting to keep calm.

Grayson was unresponsive; only seemed to be muttering almost indecipherable phrases.

‘ Get me home’ You finally heard him mutter into your ear, the request causing you to shoot up from your position with him in your arms; limping as he barely managed to stroll along.

‘ It’s alright Grayson we’re gonna get you out of here alright- I’m gonna take you home and you can explain to me’

You weren’t the ‘comforting’ type; i mean when you first met Rachel you almost chewed her out when you discovered her lack of power control.

Everything seemed to be going good, Dick actually fighting in order to get himself home whilst leaning on you; surprised at your own upper body strength.

‘ Alright Grayson can you hear me?’ You inquired, looking in his beaten-up direction with a concerned look under your mask.

‘I-I’m not sure’ Grayson stuttered uncomfortably, falling onto you so that he almost compressed you into the alleyway wall; now completely unconscious.

___________________________

‘ Shit’ Grayson groaned as he sat up slowly; attempting to regather the previous events.

‘ You’re awake- thought you died on me back there you dickhead’ He heard you speak, beginning to turn his head around frequently to catch you in his peripheral vision.

‘ H-How did we get back?’ He asked dizzily, brows furrowing quickly as his headache hit him like a truck, relieved when you handed him an aspirin, water and an egg omelet.

‘ Called Alfred on your phone- don’t worry he isn’t telling Batman shit about this’, you assured, standing in front of his blurry view.

‘ Care to explain what the hell happened boy wonder? I waited for you for ages’ You attempted to complain; words distorted by gathering concern and curiosity.

‘ It was nothing, just unfinished business’ He dismissed, causing your eyes to roll melodramatically whilst he took his aspirin.

‘ Unfinished my ass, I almost dragged your ass back home by the hair’ You remembered, sitting on the end of the couch he laid on; carefully avoiding sitting on his legs.

‘So you took me home and stripped me into my boxers?’ His face screamed sarcasm, your eyes rolling out of embarrassment.

‘ You were beaten up pretty badly, had to make sure there wasn’t any excess bruising or any open wounds’

‘ Mhm, you sure that was all you did that for?’ He asked, a smirk on his visually appealing face.

‘ Oh shut it Dick-head, you did the same around three days ago’

‘ With your consent- in fact I remember you asking’ He teased back once more, sitting up so his arms rested on his knees.

‘ Like you asked to kiss me, Grayson?’ You rekindled, chuckling into your hand when you studied his now flustered expression.

‘ I’m fucking with you- I’d kiss me too’ You smiled, getting up from the couch in order to move closer to him. The lack of distance almost startled Dick Grayson, your eyes transfixed on his face. Out of embarrassment, he decided to look down, only to realise the way his shirts hung low on your chest; causing him to cough and avert his eyes the wall.

Your thumb grazed against the purple bruise painted across his cheek, his eyes now joining yours. With a mischievous smile, you applied a harsh pressure on the bruise with your thumb, Dick Grayson now grabbing your hand from his face.

‘ What the hell? Thought you were supposed to nurse me to health not make it worse’ His face scrunched as he proclaimed, you deciding against removing your hand from his grasp.

‘ Well you did dig your thumbs into my hip’ You recalled to Grayson with a smile, his face contorting into a look of defeat.

‘ Okay maybe you’re right’He admitted with a genuine small smile, going silent when he realised the look you were giving him.

Your curly hair dropped onto your face in a way that accentuated your features. Lips parted similar to how his were when he asked to kiss you not too long ago. Eyes narrow and almost sharp, staring into his with an indecipherable look in them.

In that moment, Dick Grayson realised he still had his grip on your hand, which only tightened slightly during the eye contact.

Yet you hadn’t seemed to mind, and he was well aware of that fact.

The gap began to close, your lips only barely grazing his.

‘ Leave me at your apartment like that again and i’ll have a one night stand on your own bed- you understand?’ You threatened with a whisper, leaving the brunette only able to exhale.

‘ As long as it’s with me’.

And before you knew it, your lips were pressed against his almost desperately, your hands tightly laced in his hair whilst his only rested on your sides.

After a few tension filled moments, you pulled away with a slight laugh, your hands eventually dropping down to his shoulders.

‘ Listen I-‘

You didn’t wanna hear what he had to say, whilst he was a pretty great guy with a really pretty face you weren’t the type for long emotional conversations.

‘ Yeah yeah I know I’m great and I’m hot and you want me to stop doing the shit I do- but thanks to you always getting into trouble that involves me having to save you- I’ve basically retired.’ You refocused, his mouth almost agape as you took the words out of his mouth.

‘ Sorry Dick, but a few kisses aren’t going to magically convert me’

His face dropped as you spoke; now believing that you were going to leave frustratedly.

‘ Yet. I like your group alright, Kory, Rachel, Gar- you have quite the company, I’ll stay if you lend me a favour’

‘ That favour being?’ He asked, his body language changing into its original sophisticated manor.

‘ As much as I hate to ask- But I gotta stay in this apartment’

His brows scrunched in confusion; which you mistook for disagreement.

With a shrug of your arms and a sigh of defeat, you stood from your seat and began gathering your belongings.

‘ Wait- you can stay that’s not an issue- but why?’ He wondered audibly, looking up at you with a perplexed expression.

‘ Simple, got my apartment trashed’ You shrugged off, Grayson now sitting up out of concern.

‘ When? Why?’ He asked, unaware of the living conditions you were now in.

‘ After those guys beat the shit out of me, they saw me scramble into my apartment before I came over- so when I came back the evening after…. It was nothing more than a destroyed flat’.

Whilst the news was stressful and worrying, Grayson was almost confused by your blank expression.

‘ And you didn’t call? I would’ve came over with Kory and the others and let you stay-‘

‘ I don’t always need to report to you Dick, I can handle shit perfectly fine’ You interrupted, a furrow to your brow.

Your sentence caused Grayson’s brows to furrow, he did care about you even if it was only ever discovered when you stumbled on his doorstep.

‘ But I understand that you care- and I appreciate that you care- even if you’re an asshole’ You joked, the laugh coming off more as a happy exhale.

‘ You can stay, alright?’ He finalised, his eyes looking up at you once more.

[k-writer1998]

Take A Chance

Part 1

mafia! hyunjin x hacker! reader

fluff

w.c: 2.2k

a/n: here is part 2 as promised :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I know what it looks like but let me make one thing clear, I’m not with these people.”

      From what she was mumbling earlier to herself that much was clear but that meant someone else knew I was coming and informed my mark beforehand. Do we have a mole somewhere? Why is she here though? She recognizes me, was meeting her this afternoon not a coincidence? The more I thought about it the more questions came up. The only thing I was sure of was don’t lower your guard… or your gun, even if my gut is telling me to. Seeing as though I wasn’t going to speak she added on after pulling down her mask.

“Long story short, I’m a hacker. I got a job but I was told I have to do it in person. Now I see why, I was double crossed but then again I didn’t expect much from this broker Seunghyun.”

Silence.

“Look I don’t know who you’re affiliated with but I wanna walk away alive and that requires me to know you won’t shoot. I think we both know who would win in a shootout here.”

      She makes a valid point. She holds the gun with hesitation, most likely she’s never killed someone if she’s ever actually shot a gun before. Those observation skills again... makes sense now I know her profession. Our eyes connected again and she lowered her gun, is she dumb?

“Do you really think that’s a smart move?”

“Call it a gut feeling. Plus, since no one came for us yet the only threat right now is that gun.”

      I should’ve cut my losses and got rid of her, but why is my conscience weighing against me on this? Chan-hyung won’t be happy this assignment was a bust, it took us forever to locate this base on top of the fact this group works on anonymity so we haven’t identified the boss yet.

“You said you’re a hacker right? How good are you?”

“I mean on a scale of one to ten I would say a solid eight.”

“C’mon you’re coming back with me.”

      This was going to be a stretch, a bad decision even, but maybe she can find our target. She said her gut trusts me so maybe she’ll help? Or maybe your trying to make up dumb reasons because you don’t want to kill her. Whatever not like she’s going to willingly-

“Okay.”

      She shrugs her shoulders… Does she even know the circumstances she’s in? Or maybe she does cause you’re still pointing your gun at her idiot. I put my gun away before heading out, grabbing her arm in the process and pulled her along. The car ride was silent and there were too many questions that needed answers so trusting my gut this time I decided to just ask.

“Why did you come with me so willingly?”

“You asked about my skills so you weren’t planning on shooting me, maybe I’ll get a job out of this. Plus I wanna catch Seunghyun, our goals are in the same direction and I can’t go back home. The weasel thinks I was basically killed in his client’s place, so it’s best to play dead.”

“Don’t you think you’re being too trusting of me?”

“I blame the fact we got to know each other prior, you had a trustworthy personality… Can I ask where we’re going? Apparently you keep questioning my actions, so I don’t know if I can ask."

"Well you just did but we're going to one of our home bases."

"Surprised we didn't just go back to yours since it's so late."

"... That would be inappropriate given the current situation."

"Inappropriate? You're more innocent than expected."

"I was saying for security purposes where is your head at?" I teased.

      First time tonight she reverted to the girl I met this afternoon and deep down I was glad. No more analytical observations, just a girl not sure how to handle conversation.  Although it was silent in the car once again there was less tension thankfully. I turned to check on her after a while and she was… asleep. I let out a sigh as I rolled my eyes. I can’t decide whether I think she is smart or naive at this point. Is she always so trusting? How has she survived this long? She was still asleep when we arrived so I nudged her softly. She blinked a few times as her mind remembered her situation before she hurriedly climbed out after me. Once inside there were only three of the members in right now, the biggest imposition being Chan-hyung. I roll my eyes, he’s always trying to use the years of experience etched on his face to scare outsiders. I felt y/n move a bit closer, keeping her eyes darting around the room but always ending back on hyung. We went straight for the lion’s den as I motioned her to take the seat across from hyung’s desk, taking my own seat on the arm of her chair. His eyes looked her up and down in question before turning to me for explanation.

“The target wasn’t there, instead I found her.”

“And you’re sure she isn’t working with them?”

“She was set up by Seunghyun. Was told she had to do an on site hacking job.”

“Seunghyun is the last of the brokers you should ever trust,” hyung said, throwing that comment at y/n before adding, “and she’s trustworthy?”

“Yeah, she wants back at Seunghyun and she’s willing to help for a hiding place for now.”

      At this she looked at me cause we never talked about a deal but I mean she does need a place to crash so was I really wrong? Chan-hyung smiles. Thank god, I was getting tired of his tough act. It gives me chills cause it feels like someone is going to get into trouble.

“It’s a deal then. We have a few rooms here for when we pull late nights anyways.”

      It’s been a few weeks since then and among the many things I’ve learned about her, y/n has made me question yet again how she has lived this long. After the first night she has basically turned the computer room into her own, rarely leaving even for food. I have yet to see y/n sleep longer than a few hours and if I didn’t check up on her with some food, she would’ve probably lived off of whatever snacks Felix had lying around the room. Aside from me basically becoming her babysitter, she grew close to some of the boys. Felix and Minho-hyung have adopted her as their kin and she’s grown on the other boys, some have even whined to me about how she only really talks to me. I constantly roll my eyes cause that’s not true, if anything it’s cause she's known me longest out of all of them but once Changbin-hyung snitched about that one lunch everyone suddenly knew why. Luckily there wasn’t much time for chatter about feelings since y/n identified some high rankers in that group, one being the boss’s right hand. 

      After a few days of tracking, y/n and Felix found the main warehouse in which the right hand officer operated from and with the current information Chan-hyung and Minho- hyung devised a plan. It was a long shot but if things went well we could smoke out the leader. We broke into three teams as we moved to location. First was the infiltration team consisting of Seungmin, Changbin-hyung, Jeongin, Jisung, and Chan-hyung. I was to be positioned as sniper support on the building across the street and Felix, y/n, and Minho-hyung would be in a surveillance van down the street to assist remotely, giving new orders if needed. From my perch on the rooftop I counted off how many people they’ll have to go through to reach the main office, which Felix confirmed was the current location of the right hand, and on Chan-hyung’s count they went in. Infiltration went smoothly and we were able to take out most of the members stationed in the factory with little problem. In a matter of minutes the office was breached and the right hand was captured but it felt… wrong. He was too calm and it was too easy, there should’ve been more resistance on their way up.

“You guys…”

      I was about to warn them but a chill shot down my spine as the man I had my sights on turned to look at me with a smirk. The next moment I felt a cold barrel on the back of my head and I froze.

“I’m going to need you to hand over your ear piece please,” I begrudgingly threw it behind me before I heard him speak again, “Hello Stray Kids. I would appreciate it if you don’t act rashly, a good friend of yours is with me. It would be a shame if something happened to him.”

      Watching through my scope, I could see the others tense up. It was a trap. Hopefully the others in the van are safe… you idiot, you’re the one in danger why are you worrying about others? Just focus on the person behind you!

“You lot really don’t know how to give up, do you? I tried to throw you a few bones but you are a hard crowd to please. Then you started to look into my alias and it was a little too close to home, how did you figure that out anyways?”

      Wait a minute that voice sounds familiar... Seunghyun? I’ve only heard him on select occasions but that’s his voice. I can’t believe the boss was hiding right under our nose, it’s smart I give him that. He must’ve found out when y/n started looking into him. Y/n… why does she keep popping into my mind when I’m in a life or death situation? I scoff. 

“Excuse me, why are you chuckling to yourself? I believe you’re the hostage, what’s so funny?”

“Because someone’s gut feeling just happens to be scarily right. She said our goals would be in the same direction, who knew they were actually the same?”

      I felt the frustrated twitch in his hand as he pressed the gun harder onto the back of my skull. I shouldn’t be provoking him in this situation, what’s wrong with me? Maybe y/n’s recklessness is rubbing off on me. Bang! The pressure disappeared and in an instant I whipped around to see an out of breath y/n still holding her gun up as Seunghyun groaned in pain on the ground. I maneuvered around him and kicked his gun away, keeping my eyes on the scene unfolding before me.

“You bitch… I thought you were dead.”

“And I thought I would be enjoying my favorite show tonight, it seems we’re both disappointed.”

“No wonder they were getting close, they upgraded their hacker.”

      He laughed to himself before spitting out blood. By now y/n had moved to stand over Seunghyun, stepping on the shoulder she had shot. The usual hesitation she had was gone and the familiar warmth in her eyes had frozen over.

“No, I think you just got sloppy. You may cover your tracks but the powerful people you work with didn’t. You’re fault really. Of all the hackers you chose to double cross, it just had to be me.”

      She turned her attention to me. Her eyes scanned my body, making sure I was more or less unharmed, and smiled when she realized I was in one piece. Seeing her like this was kind of hot and I would almost be scared if I didn’t notice the small tremble in her hand. This wasn’t her and I could tell she no longer wanted to be in that position.

“Do you feel better after getting revenge?”

“No, which is anti-climactic.”

“Then I can take things from here, tell the boys they can clean up and I’ll meet you down there.”

“Awww this is almost cute enough to make me throw up,” Seunghyun’s annoying voice spoke.

      Y/n gave a final dig of her heel for that comment before going down, her voice echoing through the stairwell. Once she was gone and out of earshot, I pulled the trigger without hesitation and finished the job. I packed up and went down to meet the others who were already complimenting y/n for her heroics. As I threw the stuff in the back Felix started whining how she no longer had a reason to stick around.

"Hyunjin hurry up and date her already so we can keep her.”

      At Chan-hyung’s comment she looked away from me and in the dim light from the van, I could see the tips of her ears turning red. Probably as red as my face felt and most likely the guys caught it too.

"If he won't ask you out, I gladly will," Seungmin added suddenly.

      I knew this was going to earn me the teasing of a lifetime, indicated by the ooooh’s they were already making but my brain wasn’t thinking. I pulled her into me, wrapping my arms around her as my voice came out as a low growl. 

“Back off she’s mine.”

#stray kids #skz #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #skz imagines #skz scenarios #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin scenarios #hyunjin imagines #my writing

[laurelsofhighever]

I have thoughts on the exalted council in DAI and i’d like your opinion of it. In a game where Alistair is king and leliana is devine why in the hell would it have gotten to the council to be had in the first place? I mean 2 of the most influential people in thedas are on a first name basis and surely would rather skip the theatrics. Especially considering that alistair has first hand experience in saving the world and the lines one needs to cross to do it 1/2

I mean alistair IS a grey warden and his wide is the Commander of ferelden’s grey wardens so why would he be bothered by the fact that the wardens join the inquisition bother him based on the fact that they are helping people and killing demons/darkspawn? Like that whole thing during the exalted council where teagan lists off ferelden’s grievances feels so... fake? Like if anora or loghain were on the throne? - ok. But alistair? I just feel they needed a way to go to 2/3

They needed a way to go to tevinter and possibly disband the inquisition and they chose the most convoluted nonsensical way to go about it... what do you think? (I don’t mean to bother you with these i just think you have a v good grasp on these games and i’m just curious on your thoughts. Feel free to ignore this if i’m bothering you or you don’t feel like answering.) the end 😅

--

I’ve been wanting to think about this, because it’s a very interesting topic, and when I start thinking about Dragon Age I find it very difficult to stop, but it’s been so long since I played Inquisition that I had to go back and watch it to see what Teagan says. And hooooooo boy I have some thoughts on this.

So, first, it’s important to point out that the issue with Trespasser is it’s trying to cover the scope of the entire franchise, which means the writers had to account for all the possible decisions players might have made through three games and somehow still have the Inquisition in the same position with just a few changes to the dialogue. That said, a lot of the problems I have personally with the structure of the council come directly from the massive plot hole in Inquisition that is Ferelden’s absent power structure. Teagan’s complaining about Caer Bronach? Why were the Inquisition the ones who had to sort that out? Where were the bannorn militia, or the royal army? Why did Fereldan’s monarch let rogue templars rampage across the countryside and dig in at Therinfall Redoubt? Why aren’t Fereldan forces helping out in the Hinterlands? Orlais has the excuse of being embroiled in a civil war, but Ferelden, whoever is in charge, has spent the last ten years recovering from a Blight, it has a stable monarchy, and they should at least have a standing army to deter any thoughts of invasion from across the border. The actions of the Inquisition make no sense and it means all of Teagan’s complaints are pretty much spot on.

But. Ignoring all of that.

You’re right that Teagan’s arguments seem a bit... off. The first thing to point out is that the Wardens never actually invaded Ferelden. Sofia Dryden, who had been a Fereldan noble before she was conscripted, joined forces with the Couslands to depose a tyrant, and they lost, and then the Wardens were driven out as punishment It’s unclear how common this knowledge is among Fereldan nobility, but considering his fear is that the Inquisition represents a powerful occupying force, it’s a wonder why he decided to focus on the Wardens when there’s another VERY OBVIOUS example of Ferelden being brutally invaded and occupied that happened nonly a single generation ago. It makes less sense considering even more recently than that, Wardens were what saved Ferelden from a Blight (and as you say, depending on circumstances, Fereldan’s king and queen were Wardens).

The root of Teagan’s animosity here, at least as I see it, is the fear that the Inquisition is in cahoots with Orlais, with the long term goal of invading and occupying Ferelden again. The Inquisition already has a foothold, and enough of an army to make a stand if they wanted to keep it for themselves, and Orlais has just ended a civil war and will be looking for a rallying point to unite their people again - what better way than a war with a foreign power that most Orlesian nobility consider nothing more than a backward province? A lot of the nobles remember what it was like having Ferelden under the heel of Orlais, and a lot of them liked it. Everything Teagan is doing is to try and prevent that from happening again, and from his perspective the Inquisition is a legitimate threat to his nation: they think nothing of deciding the throne of Orlais, or marching their private army wherever they think it’s needed, or interfering in politics across Thedas in ways that only add to their own wealth and power.

Specifically thinking about why Alistair and Leliana didn’t just sort this out in private is... complicated. From a game mechanics point of view, not everyone will have that worldstate, and they can’t just have an entirely different story for that one circumstance. In-game, however, I have some theories. For a start, the Inquisition and international relations is a political matter, not a personal one. The council was probably called to avoid accusations of back-handed deals on either side, because Orlais would take it as a slight to be left out of important negotiations, and Ferelden (as mentioned above) would be afraid that the Inquisition and Orlais were colluding in order to invade.

But also, specifically with Alistair as king and Leliana as Divine? Alistair can’t guarantee that Leliana would fight Ferelden’s corner. Her life is politics, and he can’t trust that. Whatever its dressing, the Chantry is an Orlesian institution, and the Game is a pressure breathing down her neck constantly. As Divine, she can’t show overt favouritism, but at the same time the Grand Cathedral is in Val Royeaux, a lot of the Chantry’s wealth comes from wealth comes from aristocratic (Orlesian) patrons. A lot of people think of Alistair as a fool, but he cares about his people, and he understands how the Game is played, and he (and Teagan, by extension) is the only one who will put Ferelden first, no matter what else happens.

What really doesn’t make sense is why it’s Teagan representing Ferelden and not someone like Leonas Bryland, who has better ties to Orlais, a less important role as advisor to the king, and is probably far better at the Game because he grew up with it instead of in the Free Marches. But BioWare just looooooves shoving nostalgia in our faces whenever it can, regardless of whether it makes sense or adds anything to the narrative. But that’s a rant for another time.

I went on a bit longer than I meant to - thank you for giving me something to chew over, and I hope I didn’t get too rambly there towards the end...

#blackcanarydinah #dragon age inquisition #da:i #inquisition #teagan guerrin #arl teagan #king alistair #alistair theirin #grey wardens #ferelden #orlais #leliana #divine victoria #bioware critical

[camomills]

Title: Old Souls Relationships: Sinon/Lisbeth; Sinon & Agil Fandom: Sword Art Online Word Count: 1767 Summary: Sinon realizes she is allowing others to become closer to her, and that scares her. A conversation with an older friend might help assuage her fears. Notes: Made for SAO Pride Week 2020 - Day 1: Small Steps. This is a reworked draft from last year's SAO Pride Week that I turned into some Sinon/Lisbeth, mostly Sinon-centric. I also just really wanted to do something with Agil because I think he's a fun character, and I personally think his wise demeanor makes him a nice character to bounce off the younger cast.Thanks to redbluezero for beta reading!

AO3 Link

-

The smell of coffee has always been one of Shino’s favorites. It reminds her of rainy days spent in the company of a book in her favorite bookshop, staring mindlessly at the steam as she waited until her drink cooled. It’s no wonder Dicey Café became one of her dearest places.

“Here’s your order!”

The company might have something to do with it, too.

“This one’s on the house,” Rika declares as she sets the cup on the counter, then winks.

From behind her, she hears someone clear their throat.

She slowly turns to meet Agil’s gaze, and sure enough, he’s scowling at her. The grip on the glass he’s drying has turned vice-like.

“That one’s on your salary.”

“Agil, c’mon! Let me be cool!”

They bicker for a short minute, Rika being cheeky whereas Agil is composed. The tone of the discussion is more akin to foolish banter between friends than a squabble between a boss and his employee, so Shino allows herself to laugh at it. 

Rika’s shift soon ends and she heads to the ladies’ room to change. As per usual these days, Shino waits for her so they can keep company to one another on the train ride back home. 

*

Yesterday’s commute was much like any other.

The train car shook and rattled against the steel and gravel tracks as the whirls of metal and the passengers’ chatter filled the compartment. The two girls partook in idle chatter, holding onto the same metal pole to keep their balance inside the box car. Shino’s proximity to Rika allowed the girl to filter the blacksmith’s words through the fog of sound.

Shino’s hands scraped against Rika’s on each stop. 

“So, so,” Rika continued telling excitedly, “he destroyed the best sword in my shop! My masterpiece, turned to smithereens.”

Shino let out a horrified gasp in jest.

“Oh, my. I lost my dear Hecate’s scope trying to help him out in BoB. I wonder if we’re liable for some sort of compensation?”

The two nodded in tandem over their two-person class-action lawsuit plans. They broke the comical act when the train stopped at the next station a bit too roughly, bumping them into each other. They couldn’t contain their chuckles at their own silliness.

“Ah, next one’s my stop,” Rika announced.

Shino knew. They’d been sharing this commute for a while. 

“I’ll be seeing you then. Until next time, Rika.”

Shino expected Rika to leave as the train doors opened, but she approached Shino instead. Rika’s arms bundled around Shino’s frame.

It’s a moment that allowed Shino to take note of a small list of Rika Things. Rika is only taller than her by a few inches, but it’s enough that it allowed her chin to rest on Rika’s shoulder slightly. The fake fur on Rika’s coat bristled against Shino’s nose, gentle and irritating— much like Rika herself, she thought. The pressure at the shorter girl’s back where Rika’s slender fingers intertwined was rough, yet fond.

A wave of warmth radiated through Shino’s body. She weakly squeezed Rika back.

“Until next time!” Rika said as she uncoiled her arms from around the other girl. 

She beamed at Shino before hopping through the train doors, waving as she exited at the station. 

That was the first time Rika had ever hugged her. 

Shino’s body wanted to feel elated, but her brain didn’t allow it; the affection in Rika’s gesture got muddled in her spiral of guilty thoughts. Since when did she allow people to get so close? 

Since when did I let myself want that?

The rest of her commute was spent staring out the cart’s window, hoping that the train’s AC would manage to cool down her emotions before long.

**

As the bathroom door slams shut, Agil rests his arms on the counter and leans against it, a hand sitting upon his bald head.

“Can you believe her? I offered her this part-time job because I knew it’d help her with college, but...” He throws his hands out, his fondness for Lis peeking through a smile fighting his scowl. “You know?”

Mm-hmm, Shino nods empathically, as she’s wont to do with Agil. The company that lures her in here, of course, includes both of the bartenders.

She had grown to care for all of her new friends, but she was caught by surprise at how much she related to Agil, of all people. He is the oldest in their merry band of players, by far, and despite that– no, because of that, they got along.

People her age, throughout most of her experience, were uncaring at best and cruel at worst. The adults around her, dry as they could be, served as the closest to good company she had growing up. There’s a bitter taste in her mouth as Shino realizes she’s grown more proficient in talking to adults due to the past cruelty of all the people her age in her life up until very recently. Thankfully, it’s easy enough to wash it down with the sweetness of the cappuccino Rika had mischievously handed her.

Agil, on the other hand, appreciates having a regular other than Asuna with whom he could default to intellectual conversation and wouldn’t call his establishment, ‘a dump’. How did Kirito manage to rope even Silica into it?

As their conversation strays away from Lisbeth’s demeanor, they fall to their more usual topics: Shino asks about how he manages to do latte art so perfectly every time and he asks if she finally reached the fourth chapter of the book he lent to her a couple of days ago. One “final” plea for him to try out Gun Gale, and his unacceptable excuse that he doesn’t have the time.

Mundane topics like that are their speed, but for once,  Shino has something less mundane in her mind. There’s something in that space, with the gentle ambiance music and the calming presence of a wiser friend, that brings her to feel that Agil is the right person, at that time, for those thoughts.

“I think I like Lis,” she professes like a secret she wished wasn’t true. It doesn’t seem to be the meat of what she has to say, judging from the way her jaw clenches.

Agil simply hums. He’d rather talk about latte art.

“Yeah, I figured. I mean, you really started coming here more often once she started working here.” 

He laughs, a wry, good-natured sound, hard to define between his fondness for the girls and his apathy for the topic.

“I mean… yes. But that’s not the point. How do I…”

 Shino gulps. Her gaze turns to the counter in front of her, where her hands lie. She fiddles with her fingers, watching as her thumbs graze each other through their rotations; staring at them without thinking about the words she’s about to say, are the only way she manages to go through it.

“I guess…  I don’t know if I remember how to be around people. Or if it’s... right, for me to be around people?”

She remembers what those hands did; the cold of steel and the heat of gunfire, the maroon of splattered blood and the gray of post office tiles.

Is it okay for a broken person like me…?

Agil would be lying if he said he’s particularly interested in involving himself in the romantic squabbles of teenagers. The other aspect of her plea, though, is something he’s unfortunately familiar with. He ponders, his face a mix of sagely and worried, as the soft thudding of her trembling hands are barely drowned out by the bar’s blues music.

“I was worried, too, back when I had to come back to my life after SAO.”

Shino raises her gaze to Agil’s eyes. 

“I mean, it's not the same thing, but… it’s hard being around people who judge you for what you went through, and trying to make connections when everyone thinks you’re screwed in the head is a pain in the ass. ‘The game where those freaks killed each other.’ ‘The murderer girl’.”

Agil knows what Shino did. Shino told all of them, eventually. 

“But everyone who spent those two years in the flying castle went through a lot of things they shouldn't have had to, and probably did some things they regret. To others. To themselves. I did, Kirito and Asuna did, and so did Rika. We talk about it…” 

His eyes turn to the ladies’ room’s door, where Rika is changing. He decides her past is not his to divulge.

“Uh. I guess all I’m trying to say is that you’re friends with people who get it, because none of us are sure it’ll ever be okay with people. So, we just stick together. I doubt Rika minds… whatever it is you're worried about? I think people like us have little besides each other.”

The last bit sticks with Shino. As she chews on the words once more, she stares at her hands. The weight they carry is impossibly heavy, but if what Agil says is true, then that means others, too, carry the same burden. 

Her trembling ceases.

He pauses. “Or something?” 

He’s not sure how much sense he is making. 

“I’m not sure how much sense I’m making.”

That gets a chuckle out of her, and that’s good enough for him.

*

Rika exits the bathroom, her former bartender-y, formal-ish ponytail from a few minutes ago undone into a mess of brown hair. Her lack of an apron reveals the cute hammer patterns on her graphic shirt.

"Are you two nerds done talking about nerd stuff?" She says, as if not just as much of one.

Agil and Shino roll their eyes.

"Yeah, we’re done with our nerd stuff."

Rika starts sliding her arm into her jacket, then turns to Shino. “Sweet. Are you ready to go then?”

Shino looks at Agil, who simply offers her a friendly wave and a knowing smile.

“Yeah, I think I’m ready.”

*

The two girls walk off together to the train station. The empty night streets give them quiet, with little to focus on other than the sound of boots hitting pavement, the cold breeze, and each other. It’s then when, bashful yet confident, Shino tries to interlock her fingers with Rika’s.

Rika squeezes her hand in return, rough yet fond. 

As Rika wordlessly taps her fingers on Shino’s knuckles, Shino realizes that Agil was right. There’s no way that those hands, fitting so perfectly together, were meant to be apart. Perhaps such heavy hands have no other pairs but each other, and that is fine.

#SAO #Sword Art Online #Lisinon #Fili writes #saoprideweek2020