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#so if say someone didnt believe they existed. they quite literally wouldnt exist to that person
chisatowo · 1 year
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Oh btw sorry for not posting my every thought on here I've been thinking abt the random card au So hard lately y'all r missing out
#rat rambles#band posting#random card au#mostly just abt the main two trios but especially abt tomoe god girlie Im so sorry </3#also Im thinking Im gonna give ran the power of athieism since I think itd be funny#cause you see. the sourse of the gods immortality is belief and worship so they currently only half exist as thats whats keeping them alive#so if say someone didnt believe they existed. they quite literally wouldnt exist to that person#and as a concequence anything made from their power after they started existing fully off of belief also kind of stops existing to them#this can also apply in like halfways too like believing they exist but not believing in certain capabilities of theirs#also I just think its funny to make ran an at least semi athieist while rokka is standing Right There#tbf rokka probably doesnt even know until the group starts encountering magic more since ran isnt vocal abt it#Im thinking its a much more passive belief just like cassually being like oh wait god isnt real as a kid and then not thinking abt it again#and now god wants one of their friends dead and their loosing their mind as rokka amd tomoe also loose their minds at ran not being able to#see or be effected by some magic but being able to see other magic and yukina is just standing there having a Moment abt tomoe again#oh and fun fact! the whole belief thing is why the dark and reality gods both are still semi alive despite their curremt states#since they can semi exist off of belief they cant rly die without that belief dying out too#which. wont happen anytime soon even tho they arent nearly as well known or actively worshipped#also Ive been thinking abt rokka and lisa paralels non stop. gotta love gods putting you through the horrors#but also how rokka would probably kind of resent lisa quietly if they met since lisa only dealt with the really bad stuff as an adult#rokka has been dealing with this stuff since beforw they can remember + the light god actively hates them and makes it Known#meanwhile for lisa shes never rly directly interacted with the reality god in any sort of conversation. nor does said god seem to have any#feelings on her. its pretty much entirely the abilities they gramt her that ruined her life#yet they both share that barely contained boiling rage that threatens to burst out at any moment. only overpowered by grief and exhaustion#anyways I need 2 sleep gn gamers
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asexual-levia-tan · 1 year
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i watched the first two episodes of velma and here’s my take (also obvs dont spend money to hate watch this. dont give them views if you dont want them to make more of it)
its pretty mid. like i just saw a post about how “mid” and “average” mean “bad” and thats not what i mean. its genuinely like. there was nothing particularly engaging about it but i also didnt feel compelled to click away halfway through either. at the end of episode one i sat there for about 30 seconds like. do i want to watch the second one. but it was a simple click away so i did
its stupid humor but not enough to interest people who are into stupid humor. its otherwise not very funny so anyone looking for a comedic cartoon also wouldn’t be interested. in the two episodes i watched, there was exactly one line i laughed at. norville said it. that’s literally all i remember about the line.
i could complain until the cows come home about the terrible characterization, but literally nothing has changed from mystery incorporated in my opinion, except now norville has the crush on velma, and velma is obsessed (negative) with daphne instead. velma is still judgemental and sarcastic all the time, fred is still a massive idiot, theres hardly anything to say about daphne and norville except norville doesnt smoke weed and seems like. super judgy about it. intended to be comedic, but it’s just uncomfortable.
the writing is mostly just “ha, aren’t tv shows and movies totally stupid and lame for doing this thing?” WHILE or directly before doing The Thing as if that’s a joke. character backgrounds are just vomited by the characters but intoned as if that too is in itself supposed to be funny. it definitely feels like those episodes of spn that were specifically made to make fun of the fandom.
that being said it’s also not as bad as people are making it out to be. norville isnt some massive jerk like i saw someone complaining about. fred is set up to be a kid who’s just trying to live up to his father’s idea of masculinity, so there might even be a massive payoff to that at some point (but don’t count on it). velma and daphne have already made out by the end of episode 2, so even though there’s probably gonna be another 8 episodes of “ohh but does she actually LIKE me or was that a spur of the moment thing???” with the added bonus of velma shooting herself in the foot with every and all interactions she has with other people that will keep them from getting together until the last episode (if they get together at all, but i don’t quite think its just queerbaiting. yet)
all this to say. if no one reminds me that this show exists i probably wont be tuning in the for the next 8 episodes. i might remember it at some point and binge the rest but as it stands its. bland enough to be forgettable. even if daphne is running drugs in this one for some reason
edit: post cancelled apparently mindy kaling is a terf and a jkr supporter + supposedly there are some shots taken at indians/indian women in the show which i didn’t catch (but like i. wouldnt) but can believe since apparently she adds that sort of thing in her comedy a lot
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heyitsyn · 4 years
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Oh God
TimeTraveler!Son x Haikyuu!! Part 2
a/n: hehe i wouldnt put ‘x haikyuu’ if manager y/n ends up with that certain character. youll just have to,,,, wait for the end 😏
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he didnt want to lie but he had to so he could survive
hinata offered his hand to help him up and natsu winced at the scratches and the slight headache as he stood on his two feet
‘you okay?’
hinata asked and natsu nodded
‘yea, just a headache’
natsu tried to play it off as cooly as he could bc this must’ve been from the car hit before and he couldnt just say he got ran over by a damn car
‘where do you live? i can go and treat your wounds there’
natsu was about to respond but he remembers hes not in tokyo anymore and he cant just spout out his address
so he did the thing his mom told him to do whenever it was necessary
he lied
‘i-um,,,’
he fumbled for an excuse but he sighed to maintain the act
‘i got kicked out’
he mumbled and hinata had to make him repeat it twice because he said it so quietly
the tangerine boy gasped and held his arms
‘what?! why?!’
natsu sniffled
‘my dad,,,, he just,,, doesnt want me’
well, that was actually true
so a true statement could equal that lie, right?
thankfully, hinata bought it and he grabbed his arm to walk forward while his other was pushing his bike
‘i hit you with my bike so the least i could do is take you to my house and treat you!’
and that was what they did
natsu’s phone was dead even though he was sure he charged it from denki’s powerbank during practice but it remained its black screen no matter how many times he hit the power button
his surroundings was also something unfamiliar
his mother only kept him in tokyo and never took him to go visit her family because she was kicked out and had to go live with her auntie when she found out about him and his father refused to help her
‘so, sendai, huh?’
he mumbled and hinata looked at him confused
‘sounds like youre not from around here. where you from?’
‘t-tokyo’
he replied and saw hinata’s eyes brighten
‘oh?! you look like youre my age so you must have been in a high school in tokyo, right? what school?’
‘yuuei’
‘hah?! yuuei?! what is that?!’
natsu rolled his eyes and shrugged
‘a school’
hinata persisted though
‘do you know other schools?! any other school friends?! like nekoma?! or fukurodani?!’
natsu shook his head and he was supposed to be happy that he got to meet, even talk, to his idol yet his younger self was much more hyper than his mellowed out behavior on tv
‘i stick to my friends from yuuei’
‘but what are you doing all the way here?’
natsu’s throat dried up and he watched his feet kick the pebbles to distract him of his urge to just whine and throw a tantrum with the confusion from this mess
‘i dont know’
he choked out and he was so tired and confused and all he wants to do is cry in his mother’s arms like he used to but she doesnt even know he exists
hinata sensed the tension and sadness from the boy beside him and tried his best to stay quiet until they get home
to say his mom was angry was an understatement
‘SHOYO, DONT YOU KNOW TO WATCH WHERE YOURE GOING?!’
‘kaa-san i was so angry and bakageyama was yelling at me and hit me and-’
‘THAT DOESNT GIVE YOU AN EXCUSE TO RUN SOMEONE OVER!’
natsu sat there on their couch awkwardly watching the black-haired woman yell at the human tangerine
he coughed in impulse and she turned away from her son and went to sit next to the h/c boy
‘dear, im so sorry for my son and his terrible biking. i didnt catch your name when you entered, what is it?’
even hinata forgot to ask his name but thats such a hinata thing to do though
natsu froze
if he was to say his mother’s last name, it would raise suspicion that he might know her in this time period and izuku has shown him enough doctor who to show him what happens when he messes up in time
again, he lied
‘kiri,,,shima,,, natsu. kirishima natsu’
he inwardly apologized to eijirou for using his last name
mrs. hinata raised a hand to her mouth with a surprised gasp
‘oh! my daughter’s name is also natsu! natsu, dear! can you come here for a second?’
natsu heard soft sounds from the stairs and she shyly walked down 
‘come say hi’
she softly urged her daughter to come closer and the little girl ran to hide behind her older brother who gently smiled and held her hand
‘well, thats her. she just turned 10 a few days ago. look dear, kirishima-kun has the same name as you!’
she waved slightly and natsu felt his heart swell at the sight of the adorable little girl
his mother never really had time for relationships so he was an only child and never got to experience a sibling, only hearing the experience of having siblings from his friend, shouto
mrs. hinata placed a gentle hand on his arm to revert his attention back to her
‘shoyo told me what happened and im sorry that this is all happening to you’
he felt guilty at the sight of her sad eyes because this was all a lie but he knew if he told them the real reason, they wouldnt believe him
so he had to continue with the lie
‘everything was falling apart and i wanted to leave everything behind. so i just took the shinkansen to nowhere and ended up here’
mrs. hinata felt her heart tug because he was just a little boy and he was too young to experience this so she offered him something he shouldnt have agreed to but again, survival
‘you can stay with us in the mean time. our guest room has been collecting dust so you can live here’
‘what? no! i can’t!’
natsu instinctually turned it down because he hated people giving him charity
but the woman squeezed his arm to give him a smile
‘i will not allow a child to live in the streets because of something he couldnt help’
‘arent you worried youre inviting a total stranger in your home?’
but she gave him a knowing smile
‘im a mother. i can trust you, boy’
in exchange for board and food, he promised to get a part time job so he could pay her back and get out of their house as quickly as he could
shoyo led him to the bathroom upstairs so he could treat the wounds from the ground
natsu sat on the closed toilet seat while his literal idol was putting cream on his boo-boos
he still cant wrap his head with everything
maybe it was because he was so busy trying to come up with lies that he wasnt able to fully sit down and think about the fact that he just TRAVELED BACK IN TIME and could accidentally change it
‘shoyo, what year is it?’
he mumbled
‘2012′
he answered and natsu sighed but his head perked up
oh god
2012
thats a year away from 2013
the year he was born
that meant shoyo’s team manager was going to give birth to him next year
‘why? did you hit your head so far that you forgot?’
hinata joked but he paled when natsu didnt laugh
‘OH GOD DID YOU?!’
‘NO! AND STOP YELLING!’
natsu shouted, equally surprised
‘whew, thank god. again, im so sorry i hit you’
‘shoyo, dont worry about it, okay? im fine, i swear’
during dinner, mrs. hinata told him about his school situation
‘you can go to karasuno with shoyo. what year were you in?’
‘first’
‘perfect! shoyo is too so he could easily help you around the school!’
natsu nodded quietly, still out of it and his brain finally starting to accept this impossible reality
‘but i dont think i could help you with the entrance exams. im not the most-um-smartest, per se’
shoyo apologized but natsu already knew that
he was no extreme fanatic but he knew quite a lot about hinata shoyo, the player he watched during the 2021 olympics and the reason he started playing volleyball
natsu dreamed to join the msby jackals just like his idol did and eventually reach the national team like hinata did
it was during the olympics of 2021, he knew he wanted to be like him
this boy who sat next to him was the reason he came to love volleyball along with his other idol, oikawa tooru, from the argentina volleyball team after seeing that legendary match 
when oikawa hit that service ace, natsu wanted to be able to receive that
he was merely 8 and his neighbor, midoriya inko, was babysitting him and she placed him and her son who was his friend, izuku, in front of the tv where they watched the olympics match
‘someday, ill be someone great. ill be great like him’
he promised and from then on, he worked to achieve that goal 
‘natsu? hello?’
he was shaken from his thoughts as shoyo nudged him back to reality
mrs. hinata laughed
‘maybe you should head to bed early, dear. you must be tired after having a hard journey’
he nodded and was about to go and wash his dishes when she stopped him
‘no. go and sleep, ill take care of this’
‘i have to do my part in here, hinata-san. please, let me do this’
she finally agreed and he was scrubbing the plates when his mind wandered over to possible solutions on how he could go back
there was an episode that he watched with izuku that the character had to do something to go back
and he had a feeling that he would have to do the same thing
but what would that something be?
there had to be a reason he was thrown all the way in this time and it couldnt just be a coincidence that supposedly, this would be around the same time his mother would get pregnant
but who would it be?
he finished putting the plates on the drying rack and he felt really thirsty suddenly
opening the fridge, he found no water bottles and natsu had a very sensitive stomach so he couldnt drink tap water
his next favorite beverage was there and he pulled a glass from the cabinet
‘hinata-san, is it okay if i can have some milk?’
he called out and she shouted that it was okay
natsu poured the drink on his glass and started drinking it when hinata entered the kitchen and snickered at him
‘yknow, you remind me of my idiot teammate. none of my other friends drink straight milk except for him’
natsu placed the glass down and wiped his lips
‘chocolate milk make me sick and i hate the taste of flavoring in milk. but i just hate flavoring in general. except for gari gari popsicles, those are good’
natsu reasoned, watching hinata move across the room to get an apple
‘still ew. but come on! lets go to bed so i can show you around school early before practice tomorrow!’
natsu noticed his excitement by the way he bounced in place and he chuckled
it reminded him of his friends mina and denki
hinata led them both to his room so he could check his wounds again just to make sure
then something caught his eye
‘kirishima-kun you like volleyball?!’
that threw him off
partly because he wasnt used to being called by his friend’s last name
but also because of the question
‘huh? how do you know that?’
natsu asked, almost defensively
hinata shrugged
‘i saw your volleyball shoes in your bag’
hinata reasoned and excitedly pointed at them
‘you should play for us! im part of the team too! oh oh! what position do you play?!’
‘l-libero’
natsu stuttered out, slightly overwhelmed by hinata’s energy
hinata started circling him, inspecting his height and looking at him up and down
‘yanno, kirishima-kun, youre really tall. like much taller than the rest of my club. maybe not saltyshima but really!! youre so tall!!’
hinata whined in envy and natsu laughed
‘blame it on the paternal side of the family. my ma isnt really tall’
he laughs but then memories of his mother resurfaced and he suddenly felt gloomy, guilty, even, bc he doesnt know if time stopped there or it kept going and if so, shes probably worried sick
and he knew she was always one who blamed herself
hinata noticed his downcast expression and thought he probably remembers his dad and got sad since he got kicked out
so our baby sunshine freaked out and he frantically waved his hands around
‘oh no! gomen kiri-kun! gomen! i really didnt mean to make you think about him! gomen!!!’
he even bowed which surprised the h/c boy and made him stand back up
‘o-oi shoyo! dont! you didnt because i wasnt thinking about him!’
he fussed and patted hinata’s hair
‘i dont care about him. to be honest, there isnt much to think about’
he didnt think about what he said until he heard himself
natsu’s eyes widened, fearful of how hinata could take it but he flinched when the orange-haired boy’s eyes were filled with his own tears
‘OH NO!! KIRI-KUN!!!’
then launched another series of apologies and natsu had to calm him down
oh dear
it was early in the morning like 5 when hinata bursted into natsu’s room
the loud shout of shoyo made his eyes blink open and he groaned before turning to the side
‘come on, kiri-kun! we need to go to take your exam!’
‘nooooooooo’
‘yeeessssssss’
it was quite a battle for hinata to even just get natsu out of bed but he managed to bribe the latter with some milk bread from the bakery down the street
‘2′
natsu showed his two fingers and hinata sighed before nodding
‘yes. now go hurry so we can leave!’
dressed in his grey sweatpants and a yuuei sweatshirt, natsu cursed as he only has clothes good for 2 days and he didnt want to bother the hinatas so he was at a loss
mrs hinata bid the two boys good bye and natsu was yawning and dragging his body to walk while hinata was skipping over to his bike
then he finally realized the problem
he nervously looked at natsu and the taller boy didnt understand why he was looking at him that way
‘what?’
shoyo pointed at the bike and awkwardly smiled
‘uh,,, you see,,, i dont think youd,,, fit,,, at the back seat’
natsu shrugged
‘then ill bike. ive done it before’
he sauntered over to the bike and swiftly lifted his leg before testing out the brake handles
‘its good and better than mine back home’
‘a-are you-’
‘sit down, sho’
hinata gripped on to the back of natsu’s sweatshirt as he told him the directions to how to get to the school
natsu remembered watching an interview of hinata talking about his high-school life and he remembered the star player talking about his dedication to go to karasuno everyday for volleyball
and the boy couldn’t believe hes doing that right now, with his idol literally behind him, and driving to the legendary karasuno high school
from the jackals to the adlers and even some other teams like the frogs, natsu cheered for them
there was a memory of his mother sitting with him on their couch during one of her rare day offs as they rewatched the recorded copy of the olympics
it has become natsu’s favorite thing to watch
‘with great talent comes great hardships. people don’t become good overnight and i watched those people suffer through it all but look where they are now’
‘KIRISHIMA, WATCH OUT! COWS CROSSING!’
natsu was snapped out of his thoughts at hinata’s shout
then it morphed into pure and utter confusion
‘cows?’
shoyo laughed
‘since youre from the city, this must be a weird sight for you, huh? well, in the countryside, this happens a lot!’
but natsu didnt mind
in fact, he loved cows
he loved any farm animal in general
maybe it was his upbringing in the hustle and bustle of the city that he grew to love the countryside
shoto took him with his family to a trip to the country once and he remembered loving the smell of grass
they were able to do an activity in a farm where they worked in a rice farm and the peace and serenity was something he will always remember
his mother was lucky she grew up in a place like this
‘kiri-kun, ive been wanting to ask, how is your volleyball team in the city? are you a powerhouse?’
natsu felt pride bubble up in his chest
‘of course! we got second place in nationals!’
he boasted and blurted out before he could stop himself
then he felt fear
he shouldnt have said that because for all he knows, yuuei probably doesn’t exist at this time period
hinata had a different reaction and his eyes shone
‘WHAT?! WOAH! SO COOL! I HAVE TO TELL OUR CAPTAIN THAT WE’RE GETTING A POWERHOUSE STUDENT!’
‘uh-i-uh-’
natsu didnt know what to say because he had a feeling he definitely just did an oopsie
so he switched topics really quick to divert the attention away from his past
‘o-oi sho, once youre done being a pro volleyball player and stuff, we should have our own rice farm’
of course it was such a random idea but it distracted the orange boy
hinata shrugged
‘i mean,,, i have to be a pro first but i guess we can!’
‘hmm,,,, i dont think you have to worry about that’
.................................................
taglist:
@hartbeat-art​ @yakus-yakult​ @nerdyphantomlady​ @jollycowboysaladhero​ @cynicallychaotic​ 
a/n: oh god this sat in my drafts for so long and i really dont know what im doing like i kinda have a rough outline of what im doing but im just going with the flow but i dont think the flow is quite flowy 
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Hi! A fan of your writing here. I just love the way you write Caroline. An Avoidable Heart is my comfort fic and I am constantly in awe with the way you write and craft the dynamics in that story. Caroline's inner monologue is just priceless and God! I just love that intro scene where Caroline is walking into the Mikaelson compound with vampires and hybrids in the surrounding ready to pounce on her.
I would love to hear how you would have visualized Caroline crossing over into TO or not? Like in what season and why? How it would have likely gone?
Thank you!
First of all lovely anon gimme a moment to breathe, asdfghjkl why are people so lovely 😭😭🥺✨ It means sooo much to me that you’d take the time to jump into my inbox and send these kind words, like please I’m not worthyyyyy, But you make me smile and feel really freaking warm so *handcuffs your hand to mine* you aint leaving 💖✨💞🙃
But OK ALSO oh my god dude THAT CAROLINE WALTZS INTO THE COMPOUND AND TAKES ON A COUPLE HUNDRED VAMPIRES BY HERSELF SCENE???? Ughhhhh I’m sorry but I have SUCH a boner for Caroline in that, like my badass -I admit kinda op- QUEEN IS HERE and she’s fucking shit up, I’m sorry but I love that scene so much it’s so dear to me I was killing myself over how self-indulgent and grossly Over powered Caroline is but like idgaf man it’s such a hot scene and Caroline is practically invincible and we just love to see that, so seriously lovely anon, you telling me you LOVE that scene??? Puts the biggest smile on my face and reassures me a LOT bc I was whining and cribbing over how absolutely unbalanced that scene is to literally everyone BUT LIKE YOU JUMPING OUT OF NOWHERE and pointing that exact scene UGHH…...meant to fucking be the both of us 💖💞✨
And ALSO Caroline’s monologue is quite honestly the easiest inner monologue out of the three voices I wrote for that work, Klaus’s is the real pain in the ass tbvh like it is NOT easy writing pretentious besotted losers with a Kardashian complex especially when you need to make them sound cool when they’re the lamest OP dude bros to ever exist - and no I don’t hate Klaus although I seem to try my darndest to convince ppl I do- I just personally believe that a feral fucker like that with a thousand years of existence under his belt can grow a pair and graduate from his kindergarten level of emotional maturity to adult sometime soon, But then on the flipside he’s so grossly adorkably smitten and feral for Caroline plus hella horny for her all the time that its usually easy to write the trashed and devoted idiot he is into something pretentious and powerful and potent when relating to his unflappable arrogance and his narcissism, but sometimes I also need him to be *deep* and ffs profound for the sake of the plot and jfc my muse just wont work with me on that, she’s like I’m sorry I’m not about to bust my ass to make this mongrel intelligible like no sir all I wanna do is make him uncomfortably horny for Caroline and leave him like that.
So smh yeah the struggle is real….but lmao Caroline is just so precious and fiercely protective and just so achingly lonely in that story, so desperate for connection and trust and intimacy yet so guarded and impervious to everyone like it hurts me to write her like that but it really challenges me as an author to balance out her inherent light with the “void” I create in her and through her, so yeah it’s a very fulfilling task and I wouldnt change it one bit, and also I had to balance out her physical op-ness w half a millennium of the ugliest emotional trauma lol so I guess that figures, but the point being….once again I am overjoyed knowing that you liked a facet of the story that I tried so hard to make as authentically Caroline and achingly real and moving as I can and I cannot possibly feel more accomplished than rn for it so ty ty ty ty for reaching out to me and telling me *tackle hugs* It makes me GIDDY knowing that you enjoyed that particular part of the story like ugh stab me please you're too sweet.
And ok NOW, coming to The Originals part of the ask, (also please note that when I say TO headcanon; Hope does not exist, Hayley is a dead in a ditch and ofc Klaus will stop being that lil bitch they tried to pawn off as Klaus in TO) 
HEADCANON 1
Honestly my biggest headcanon when it comes to TO crossovers somehow always include non-humanity!Caroline like it’s just so perfect to me?? The opportunity to make shit BLOW UP b/w them like imagine the DEBAUCHERY, the heat, the SEXUAL TENSION, the repression of one Klaus Mikaelson, the EXPLORATIONS, and omg the role reversal when Klaus has to be the voice of moral reason between them and not bc he believes Caroline would not be able to stand herself if she does something heinous and monstrous but bc he wants her to be completely and utterly herself, and yk *aware*, when she DECIMATES ppl to the ground and is in full-on predator mode, like he wants her monster to come out and play with him when no part of Caroline is locked away or suppressed, so obviously when she is w/o her humanity KLAUS exercises restraint on her behalf, like can you imagine that, Klaus restraining himself and being the vague, extremely broken and just largely inaccurate moral compass between the two of them for ALL the wrong reasons- and the entirety of NOLA just standing there watching him herd this baby vampire who seems to be intent on riling him up and angering him when all she is doing is giving him a massive hybrid hard on, like IMAGINE THE GOODNESS of non-humanity Caroline wrecking NOLA and Klaus letting her wreck it bc he is helpless in the face of Caroline Forbes and also bc he is quite honestly *enjoying* the debauchery himself so why put a damper on the festivities.
-I might wanna add that I favour this headcanon a lot bc I genuinely do not even remotely *like* the idea of NOLA as Klaus's chosen place to set his roots so like I would love Caroline going to NOLA and destroying everything there just bc I detest NOLA and the storyline behind it in TO. (yes is it petty? Obvi, but like I am a petty soul and I make no apologies ma’am)
HEADCANON 2
So yeah that’s my main TO headcanon, but my other one being, one I talk about very frequently, scream about in tag rants to an obsessive level, and like this is a cracky one but still very valid, where Caroline rolls up to NOLA humanity intact and all, finds Hayley preggo and is just laughing her fucking ass off bc anybody ANYBODY, with half a brain and a two minute convo w klaus would know how UTTERLY stupid the entire baby shit is especially when it’s with an immemorable one night stand, and Caroline’s just losing her shit about how like an entire city is obssessed w this baby and she just straight up tells Klaus he’d SUCK as a dad (which he really does tho like he was a shitty fucking dad canonically too) and Klaus is just like *sigh* girl tell me about it. I mean basically he’s finally relieved that someone is on his side about the whole baby thing and how he definitely does not want his entire millennium of life to finally sum up to this one squalling leaking stinky infant/unicorn Hayley is apparently baking in her oven, and I say this headcanon is cracky bc klaus would never have put up w this mess long enough for Caroline to come in and sort it out, there’s this preferred method of disposal of his called heart ripping that would've been employed quite early on and honestly saved us all a lot of brain cells and minused years of life, bc let’s be real any Klaus who’s NOT a lil snivelling bitch wearing a Klaus skinsuit would’ve yeeted the baby and the mama first chance he got, and that’s just how I see it.
Lmao I really hope I didnt scare you away w my *strong* opinions Ik they can be a bit much but I enjoy having them so theyre not going anywhere, anyways this ask answer got WAYYYY too long but I’m hoping I answered your question well with this or atleast left you slightly confused and bemused over my feral screaming....either ways I’m really really really happy to have got your ask and the chance to rant so much bs, Twas cathartic and honestly I had nothing to do today so I was more than happy to dish this baby out for you. Thank you so much sweet anon for putting a smile on my face today I am absolutely HONOURED by your words you’sa cutie 💖💞✨🗣🗣
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jubberry · 3 years
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oohkay let's go tua with those ship asks: fiveya, horrance and alluther.
thanks el i love you
Send me a ship and I'll answer three questions based on if I ship it or not.
fiveya obvs i ship this since this is 90% of my tua drawings lol
1. ill wait ill wait (to be the one) by georgiestauffenberg made me ship it cause holy fuck dude. I dont know if i ship them romantically when i saw them onscreen cause first of all, age difference is kinda weird lmao. Second, they dont rlly interact much outside literally the first couple of eps. But he was so soft for her, and i felt like they had so much unexplored history.
so i looked at fanfics cause i was wondering if ppl still ship it, then i liked the description of this one so i gave it a go.
Basically the premise is that vanya dates a much older man who seems to know a lot about her. And it was amazingly in character and just provided their characters some depth that u wouldnt find outside of a romantic relationship between them. (The implication of five pining while she doesnt know who he is, their missed chances when he time travelled, fives missed chances of living and having a 'normal' life bec of his own hubris, vanyas insecurity and being able to open up bec shes with someone whos known her since childhood). Its so sweet and thats how i was like, oh yep i can do so much more with these two, and what has kept me interested in drawing them etc.
2. My favourite things are the shippers cause i made some friends in the fandom who are super cool and supportive! I dont get super involved in fandoms and usually just watch from afar so finding people to talk to and muck around with in this tiny fandom is super cool 😭
Though thats not to say I havent come across some bad apples in this fandom and things that I dont like. I think thats the importance of carving out a place for yourself and ur friends in fandom tho.
Another thing I like about the ship itself, i just like the grumpy person whos soft for one person trope. Its so cute. I like all the little clues in canon on how their relationship as kids is quite warm, which is interesting cause five is basically the star student and he can be quite cold vs vanya who is the black sheep of the family.
I also like how five likes her powers even when she caused the apocalypse he spent the majority of his life in lol. Like its a popular hc that five is just a wife guy and i love that.
I see vanya as the type who has a lot of love to give, and she sometimes has unrealistic expectations of what her partner can give. Betrayal and lies really angers her, but also when her partner cannot meet her expectations of love she gets very upset bec its also an indication of how shes not good enough, or not loveable enough to be able to have this in the relationship (her insecurity means every failing always comes back to her, even if its out of her control).
I feel like five would be a level-headed person enough in the relationship to not be afraid to say 'vanya ur being stupid' (ie. the s2 confrontation lmao). Also, five's personality means she will never have to doubt his actions bec she knows hes the type who will not give u the moment of the day if hes not interested.
Not to mention they also have the whole apocalypse vs. saviour, hero/villain thing. Theres just a lot to explore!
3. I probably have several. But mostly I dont mind five being a dick to vanya bec first, even if the appeal is hes soft to her hes already kind of a dick in canon lmao. Also, vanya isnt a child. Shes grown and she can handle petty af things like five telling her shes not good at cooking lol. I also dont mind it cause I feel like people are getting too afraid to write... conflict for fear or portraying an abusive relationship or smth. Like, chill. Conflict is fine, resolving it is how u get a story. However in saying that, nobody should be obligated to write any way unless you want to! Fanfic is for comfort so if what your doing is making u happy then its good enough!
horrance which i also ship but i love the platonic and romantic relationship equally:
1. I came in tua in general not shipping anything so Im honestly not sure. I do remember someone doing a meta before s2 came out that was basically how ben acted weird when klaus summoned dave in s1 that made me go 👀 Otherwise, tua s2 rlly made me like them cause tua FED horrance shippers. Like..... the fact that klaus didnt want ben to leave him, and ben knows thats why he stayed 😢 or the fact that klaus was all over him for some reason???? Somebody also mentioned gay ben once and I resonate with that deeply. Like i get that jill exists but i resonate with gay ben deeply.
2. I love their bickering, theyre so cute together. I just like ben being angry bec hes self aware that hes got both shit and amazing taste. Shit bec he cant believes he likes Klaus (and also amazing also bec Klaus). I think the idea of them being kind of underdogs, theyre not rlly leader types and dont want to be, helps them bond together even in platonic horrance. They're both down to earth, and even tho they can annoy each other, they also know if they want a space to feel comfortable its with each other. Theyre not pressured by rivalry over leadership, or any sort of competition.
I love the idea that even tho ben is like klaus's ''conscience'', hes also down for chaos and bitchy. I feel like klaus rlly enabled that side of him, its not exactly a good thing but its p funny lol
3. I know some people think their dynamic is unhealthy but i dont care lol
alluther. So id say i dont ship this, mostly due to the fact that im not invested? Just like all tua ships so far I rlly came out not wanting anything but platonic relationships cause I feel tua doesnt do romance very well. With alluther, theyre so cute but im not super invested in either of their chars so they havent stuck for me. I appreciate seeing them and talking about them tho, and I'm def open to exploring them further.
1. I think tua canon romances are just so lackluster 😔 Idk who writes the romances but I was just like 'nice' but afterwards I dont really think about them. I love their dance scene and the message behind it! Otherwise, theyre sweet like most of the tua romances but im not super invested, same with all the non canon ships.
2. I really feel like tua needs to decide on what their relationship is. Like, just say its incest or not and stick with it 👀 Or if you wanna support it or not, just make up ur mind. I think I would've liked it better if I found the characters more interesting. Allison especially I feel like suffers from the fact that tua just doesn't want to make her ''mean''. They want to make her supportive and are less interested in making her flawed (ie. she should've had a conflict with Vanya in s2, but the writers didnt want to write the girls fighting which is stupid imo and not what that conflict is about).
In regards to Alluther, the scene where Allison gets annoyed at Luther for sleeping with someone else felt out of line. Like, how are you marrying other people and moving on but Luther isn't allowed to? But honestly, I don't mind if they actually just acknowledge it and make it a deliberate part of Allison's trait that Allison can expect a certain loyalty automatically from other people (which can tie in to her childhood being a star, and the rumour).
Luther is a big simp for Allison, which is sweet, but at the same time it would be nice to have him explore himself for a bit, and who he is outside of the academy. Then maybe they can rekindle their relationship again as new people and see where they go from there.
3. I don't hate them, but they're ok. I'm not super invested in them, just like all the tua canon romance. But I wouldn't mind making content for them if I were a bit more invested in their characters. I love their dance scene in s1 and I feel like its super a underrated portrayal of what their relationship is meant to be. I know no one talks about it but it's just such a great scene, and I'm pretty sure the choreographer was into interpretive dance? The scene had a lot of meaning that I don't see people dig around with.
Essentially I'm pretty sure the fairy lights are obviously a throwback to their childhood together, spending time outside of Reggie. So the dance scene kind of symbolized that pocket of space they made for each other in their life (even if theyre far away, or with other people, they will always have that space for each other).
The way they danced was more like playfighting than dancing, which means their relationship isn't sensual. It's more ''pure'', and romantic. Its basically two kids rekindling their love as adults. I also think this is a response to the incest, cause in s1 tua klaus literally said that 'thank god Regg is not their real father' right before Allison and Luther meet lmao. So its kinda like saying Allison x Luther isnt supposed to be 'ohh step sibling hot' but two people who experienced the same trauma as kids and finding comfort with each other (and rekindling that love after many years).
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red-i-mean-blue · 4 years
Text
A:TLA romantic ships part 1
yes, no one asked for my opinions, yes I will give them anyway, yes because I have decided making a bunch of meaningless decisions and arguing for them will improve my mental state, yes I watched the show all in one very sleep deprived go and i’m not interested in rewatching it so yes I have absolutely no sources, yes this is a really long grammatical nightmare because I don’ t know how to be succinct and i use way more words than necessary at any opportunity because if my point doesn’ t come across exactly like i intend it will greatly upset me, no I have not yet watched Korra or read the comics because i’m tired now let’s do this.
includes Kataang, Zutara, Jetkara, Jinko, Maiko, Sukka, Taang, Tokka, Toko Ty Lokka, Tyzula, Yukka bc these were on the Avatar wiki ship list, part two will go into gay ships more
from 0 I despise people who ship this immediately to 10 I will read absolutely anything with this, I love it and could draw it for hours on how much I think the relationship would be good and how happy it makes me
Kataang (looks like a comic book sound effect so plus points)
very clearly built up over the series
cute kid crushes also ngl did not know katara was 14 and not older 12 or 13 so didn’t care about age when watching
now I know she’s 14 and he’s 12 it’s a little weird but still
haters say katara was just the avatar’s trophy girl, as if aang didnt kiss the ground she walked on and wouldnt stop telling anyone how amazing she is. Katara was the first face he saw from the new world and they immediately became friends. she was so excited to meet another bender, he clearly is trying to impress her and it is working, he listens to her about bending and offers to take her to the other side of the world to master water, TELL ME at this moment she is not ride or die and she doesn’t even know he’s the avatar, he lets her feel like a kid again, which is a feeling she’s forgotten after years of being a mother to sokka and the children. he literally sweeps her off her feet to save her from the fire nations ship i-. rewatched boy in the iceberg and hoo boy had canon not messed it up, this ship could have been legendary
hard to imagine older them working out what with the whole last airbender, preserve air nomad culture, let’s travel the world bc nomadic lifestyle, what’s marriage i’m a monk without biological family values vs last southern waterbender, preserve southern water tribe culture, I believe in the power of family and am ridiculously dedicated to my tribe,  let me go home to my father and tribe shtick, but I don’t care for after the show finishes much except for following the gang fix the world so I don’t really care about the marriage issue
canon was good until that Mess in season 3, WHY did he kiss her after that speech, wish they talked that out properly, wish he learned letting go of her to open the 7th chakra was the only right decision, wish the ending was a little more vague in ships and just left things open but yk whatever
that finale kiss was sweet, they hugged foremost as friends, no blushing, and then got the fuzzies, that moment standing alone? a+ but without any talking about what happened on ember island, a little unsatisfying
overall, fine ship, not my favourite nor do I actively ship it, but I see a kataang moment, i’m like, sweet so I give it a 6
Zutara (apparently fans are zutarians which looks like an alien race, plus points)
latter half of the show had quite a lot of Zutara potential, but idk about Zutara actual
katara was so ready to drop his ass, no way at the start
there is only one dynamic between them in which I can see Zutara working and that is as in the Stalking Zuko by emletish series where katara is so distrusting over zuko she takes to stalking him to make sure he isn’t doing anything to hurt Aang or about to betray them (her) again but he is just such a sweet dork who keeps trying to apologise to her even while she’s apologising to him for being a bitch that she can’t help but start to trust him, i’m a third into the third book in the series not stalking firelord zuko and I am thriving and tbh this is the only situation where I accept zutara, read the series I love it
age gap is weird, I know it’s the same difference between kataang but they made a point of zuko being older in the show also he’s so much taller and I don’t like 16 year old boys with 14 year old girlfriends in real life and so would katara because jet
katara has a bad experience with bad boy sword weilders (jet) but I guess you could see it as the start of her type idk
they are both the moms of the Gaang. sokka is the fun dad.
there is a parallel between their families, with the leader of their people dad, mom who left the picture when they were young, an older brother who is not a prodigy at/can’ t bend their respective element so they become proficient at swords instead, prodigy at bending younger sister with a violent streak. this is why I see zutara as potentially a really close friendship, almost siblings, but not a romance because to me katara is a little too like azula for comfort...
tbh I think a lot of folk shipped it because ooh fire boy and water girl (not the game) that’ s perfect, and bam army of zutarians
overall, kind of weird but ok and good grounds for humour so I give it a 4
Jetkara (bad ship name, why would you like this, minus points)
Jet is bad. yes Katara really liked him, yes he was definitely her first kiss and she would definitely consider him her first boyfriend but they would not define it because it’s easier to manipulate someone when it’s unclear what your relationship is and Jet is bad, with his weird fricking eyebrows and not even real swords those hook swords
Not wasting my time, 2
Jinko (cool name, reminds me of Hong Jinkyung, plus points) 
short but so sweet. not the first thing people remember from watching the tales of ba sing se (brb going to rewatch and cry) but really cute, so here’s a running commentary
his first thought was she knew they were fire nation rather than a pretty girl sat in a teashop giving him looks because she had a crush omg
that honest surprise when his uncle suggested she liked her and then she walked up and asked him on a date, adorable
anyone who looked at that god-awful hairstyle and still thought he looked cute has it bad also aww that hair ruffle and the little grab onto his arm
he’s pushing his food around and she’s trying out ice breaker questions and recieving one word responses he has no idea what he’s doing
“she is not my GIRLFRIEND” he’s not over Mai, clearly but he still is trying his best to be a good date even if he’s terrible at making conversation
anyone who sat through that date and the bad lying and the stilted conversation and still thought he was cute has it bad 
he is So Bad At Lying he just told the truth very vaguely and then bam travelling circus
jin so knows the two are fire nation, the whole date she just politely ignores the clear lies and doesn’t react to the obvious firebending, what an icon we love jin
honestly I was really expecting the show to reveal that jin knew he was a firebender if not from the start then from the lights but eh I guess she can keep a secret, good for her
HE KISSED HER BACK BEFORE REALISING A RELATIONSHIP COULD NEVER GO WELL AND HE MAY HAVE ANGSTILY STORMED OFF BUT HE ADMITTED IT WAS A NICE TIME TO HIS UNCLE
that being said I can’t see anything more happening but this date but omg imagine fire lord zuko coming back to visit and they become friends I-
overwhelming support for pre-date jin flirting to an oblivious zuko and the date Jinko, 8
Maiko (name would be a good name for a cat idk why)
childhood sweethearts before the banishment i think
she crushed because he saved her hair from getting burnt by tackling her into a fountain? adorable
I love mai she’s so funny but I think not the best match for zuko? he has a lot of trauma to get over and she doesn’t seem like the let all your feelings out and let’s talk about it until you feel better kind of person.  it was deeply ingrained in her to keep all of her feelings and emotions strongly hidden because she got what she wanted from her politician parents so long as she was quiet, well-mannered, and perfectly behaved according to avatar wiki so I get why she’s that way, until I was 11 I was that way too all the time, I understand freezing your face so you don’t look afraid or upset or angry and risk annoying adults, but I don’t think that that would fit zuko with his social ineptness
they literally broke up twice but are just assumed back together? she just surprised him and said they were back together and I think he forgot she existed
the deadpan firelady and the fire lord would be hilarious together tho she got the ruthlessness he lacks
post coronation I can see it happening, 6 but under Kataang
Sukka (terrible name lmao)
the cutest, sokka very excitedly says “Suki!! :DDD” every time he sees her
she didn’t give him the time of day until HE changed, incredible
just the best canon ship, the two nonbenders in the Gaang but very clearly shown to be important key members.
suki is sneaky and badass, rivalling zuko for position on the team as the sneaky badass one (they tie and bond over being sneaky and badass)
sokka is a great dad, he is the dad of the Gaang and he clearly loves suki and suki loves him back
sokka ships are ELITE, 9
Taang (a delicious orange drink mix that reminds me of home, nostalgia)
foreshadowing from the swamp where someone aang loved in the future really made me think taang was endgame yk
opposite elements ideology that I guess is what zutarians like also leaves everyone in the gang dating a Gaang member if zutara happens
actually the same age but not much else going for it
best friends, 4 but under Zutara
Tokka (great name of a small pet fight me)
sokka ships are elite, childhood crush turned adult strong friendship
I really like seeing the rough, tough, greatest earthbender in  the world have a crush, adorable
sokka is a great friend and his and toph’s canon relationship is so sweet, I wouldn’t change it
toph was fully going to give sokka a kiss on the cheek for saving her life i’m melting
age difference is too weird for a romance he’s like 16 or 17 by the end I think and she’s 12
best friends, 10 as a relationship in the show, 2, but in their 20s after the show... 4 but under Taang
Toko (very forgettable name but both characters have 4 letters so I guess it’s hard to come up with something memorable but every time I read it as Toph because same shape ish so minus points for being annoying)
even weirder age gap than Tokka 
not many moments that could be considered romantic? 
toph first accepted zuko despite him burning her feet, how she sees, which was big and they resolved problems between them quickly
toph clinging to his arm and asking for a life changing field trip caused him to blush, but I see that as him being like oh someone wants to spend time with me?? she’s hugging me??? what is this 
convenient ship for kataangers because the Gaang could be paired off as Kataang, Sukka, Toko
her crush on sokka seemed to go away or calm down when he showed up and she punched him and teased him a lot, her way of bonding
similar strict teaching styles and bonding over secret identities as Blue Spirit and Blind Bandit and parental issues and being the children of important families who made them run away to enjoy not having anything to do with politics and being nobility with impaired vision who have never stepped into a kitchen in their lives and being used to servants and then being on the run
I really see them as siblings with her helping him relax from his duties as fire lord because you already know this boy’s sense of honour is going to make him work tirelessly to fix the world and him helping her relax from the whole i’m not a fragile, weak little blind girl, i’m the greatest earthbender in the world shtick and reminding her she can be both a blind 12 year old girl and the most powerful earthbender in the world, she can accept help without being weak or lesser than anyone, people want to help because they care not that they pity you
best friends 10, relationship in show 1, after show 3
Ty Lokka (I don’t like this name looks like a place but can think of nothing better)
yeah I guess ty lee’s obvious flirting is grounds for a ship but in every interaction he’s involved with someone else and doesn’t seem to like her as a person
do they even interact while on the same side?
friendly aquaintances at best, don’ t understand, 2 but above Jetkara
Tyzula (don’t like this name, like a mineral water?)
canon I don’t care it is canonically a possessive relationship
azula’s only genuine apology goes to ty lee after hurting her feelings
Azula clearly loves ty lee, her betrayal sends her mad
after a lot of therapy for azula and apologies, maybe a healthy relationship could form after the show, 8 above Jinko
Yukka (looks like a childish insult, surely someone could have thought of a better name)
Sokka’s love for Yue stays with him for the rest of his life, she was the first person to die in front of him and he sees the moon as her facing the earth
love this forbidden lovers content, sokka ships stay elite
Sokka and Yue spend as much time together as possible with secret midnight dates flirting (“you wanna do an...activity together?”)  Sokka’s reaction to Yue’s engagement shows that he wants to have a serious relationship with her, and also he thinks Hahn is a bad person for Yue, which he is. 
Yue dying devastated him and he never falls out of love with Yue. her last words “[she] will always be with him” are true. swamp visions show Yue as one of the most important people in his life like a season or so after he last saw her. he wouldn’t kiss suki in front of the moon, and cries when Yue appears on stage, ignoring Suki. he talks about the moon as if it is directly Princess Yue in that cactus juice scene.
she died in his arms oh my god don’t look i crying, he feels personally responsible and guilty
yue was great even though she was the indigenous or black girl with light hair and eyes character and I wish she could have helped aang in the spirit world 
despite her arranged engagement she clearly really likes sokka even though she knows nothing can happen, 9
Kataang, Zutara, Jetkara, Jinko, Maiko, Sukka, Taang, Tokka, Toko, Ty Lokka, Tyzula, Yukka
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yaboyspodcastpalace · 3 years
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For the character asks: Jon, Peter Lukas, Annabelle Cane? (giving multiple suggestions so you can pick one in case you get the same character twice in different asks)
very kind of you to assume i get many asks :') THANKS ill do all of them u_u
[Send me a character and i'll tell you...]
(under the cut bc i love talking and this got long lmao)
Jon
First impression
he's a uptight prick with obvious favoritism for sasha and tim and i love him so! much!!!!!!
Impression now
my poor little mew mew hm................I've got a complicated relationship w/ jon bc i love him a lot, but i loved s1 him the most, and literally everything else just makes me really, brutally, sad ;_; The way he tries so desperately to cling to his humanity and how other characters just call him by the title imposed to him makes me wanna cry
...also he just cares so much ;_; i cry
Favorite moment
probably his interactions with georgie at the beginning of season 3!!! From s5 id say when he killed not!sasha, it felt vindictive ù_ú
Idea for a story
Dhfhdh im p basic when it comes to him ngl, either jon/tim/sasha friends to lovers or jon and desolation!tim or *something*!sasha trying to stay as human as possible, together 😔 (or just any of them living and coping together in s4 n s5)
Unpopular opinion
Im just not a fan of monster jon, at all! He's not the type of character that i enjoy seeing having a corruption arc unfortunately!! It just hurts!!! (and this Is from someone that Loves corruption arcs!!!)
Also i really hate moth jon imagery??? For not particular reason, moths are pretty, but i still hate it u_u AND THE ASSOCIATION OF GREEN W/ JON (or the beholding in general!) I CANNOT STAND IT!! i know its bc of the tma logo but guess what! Its wrong! Purple jon rights!!!
ALSO ALSO the so called pining he had for martin just.... didnt felt like that at all! i have Many feelings abt this!
Favorite relationship
either georgie in s3, or sasha!!! i love how he always praises sasha in her research in s1 and even thought he's at his driest & sharp Trying-To-Project-Professionalism-And-Skepticism she still rolls into his office, interrupts him mid statement to banter w/ him abt pronunciation n stuff and its just Normal, like that speaks volumes of how comfortable they felt around each other! they were friends gdi! the moment he realizes she died and then everytime the not!them mocks him w/ her death makes me wanna break smth q_q
im not even gonna mention tim bc even though i love their relationship It 👏 makes me👏 very 👏 sad 👏
non shippy and also staying strictly canon, i love his relationship with melanie!
Favorite headcanon
sometimes i think abt that one hc that hes really good with arcade games bc he lived near the coast and i smile bc thats cute :) also hes a trans man 💙💗🤍💗💙
Peter
First impression
Mystery evil captain man!!! Fog?? I LOVE him :)
Impression now
I STILL LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! Hes an asshole and has a lovely voice and smile and hes not, hes not Dumb but also he's far from the whooooa evil lonely influence he think he is (played like a cheap fiddle). He also makes me sad in ways i cannot and wont describe, and its a shame that he died cuz he was the best part of season 4 😔 rip you beautiful bastard man i still miss you </3
Favorite moment
"It has blood on it" "thats Leitner's too :D". Also when martin was angry abt idk, breekon? Jon going into the coffin? Cant remember, but peter was like I said id protect the institute, that guys not my problem ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Idea for a story
dfgdfg i have..... a petermart story that dealt with the different flavor of loneliness they both had, half smut half genuine meta of both of them and theorization on the branching of an Entity & how their powers manifested in other people...
basically, peter thinks hes hot shit when it comes to loneliness but gets overwhelmed when martin accidentally projects his feelings abt *fic's plot stuff* on him, its fun stuff!
Unpopular opinion
people either paint him like an absolute devil or an incompetent idiot and hes neither of them! hes an asshole who loves being an asshole but far from the worst monster in the show and he tried to do a clever scheme TWICE on his life and 1. while it was established that any of the rituals wouldnt work singularly the Silence was still a pretty clever attempt if it weren't for gertrude! and 2. well... he tried to manipulate someone petty and formerly supposed to be a web avatar, again not his fault, cant call him stupid for trying dfgdfg
i Do think hes kinda pathetic in some sense considering his backstory, but more out of personal pity than anything else
Favorite relationship
Canonically speaking him and martin! The pull and push of them was The best thing about season 4! Peter being a quite dangerous avatar and martin, beautiful and scared and kinda feisty, confronting him every chance he gets, peter doing his best to manipulate him and martin letting him believe hes succeeding (even thought, he is, partly). They're fascinating characters to have side by side
Favorite headcanon
Partly canonically speaking him and mikaele salesa :) they do bets together! They're lonely sea men! What else could you possibly want?
Also non shippy i like thinking abt peter's and simon's relationship but thats entirely non canon ♡
Diversity wins! The heir of the lonely is a gay man!
Also I think as every rich household(?) the lukases had many paintings and peter as a kid saw the ones w/ sailing ships and imagined sailing far far away from his family. That and seaman aesthetic fucks, which is why he always has the same vibe going on as an adult. He does Not know half of the things he'd need to know to have a ship though but hey he's rich and thats all he needs
Annabelle
First impression
thats a horrible psychological experiment they're making there D:
Impression now
THATS STILL A HORRIBLE EXPERIMENT AND ANNABELLE DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER............. idk! she makes me sad in the same way jon (and to a degree, peter) does! to be a living puppet for the thing that traumatized you as a kid and that later kinda killed you / is the only thing keeping you alive, to be devoted to it scrambling to believe in a higher reason for all of it to happen bc to believe otherwise is............. anyway. i love her, and i feel so so sorry for her
Favorite moment
her "maybe ive never been to the beach" at the end of ehr statement (that i fully believe its bullshit but, yknow, i love that she adds that), most of her convos with martin, her "i told you this might happen" "you did, you did" with mikaele
Idea for a story
i think a lot about her having conversations w/ either mikaele (platonically) or sasha (shippy) and their different points of views and treat with her making her doubt the web a bit
Unpopular opinion
listen, listen, i know it sounds like im woobifying her i Know it but reading the scraps of her story how can i Not feel sorry for her? when the story framed her very similar to jon? the supernatural childhood encounter that gave them arachnophobia and the subsequential joining with an Entity against her will? the fact that both the story and the fans treat her like a spider woman always sat very very bad to me, and the fact that the story itself always framed her like a villain (considering All The Other Characters that get the benefit of the doubt) was extremely disappointing
Favorite relationship
her and mikaele!!!!!!! wish we could have seen more scenes of just the two of them!!!!!! *singing* he is her daaaaaad, hes her dad! boogie boogie boogie! (ok no but like... their offscreen friendship is my favorite thing of season 5 ;_;)
Favorite headcanon
Sigh i dont know...i still think she's scared of spiders which make her current existence harder but thats a sadcanon :/ umm...... i love the idea of mikaele and her cooking together from time to time! Mikaele showing her some plates he used to eat as a kid as he talks stories about his life :) and she listens and sometimes tells a story of her own! its been so long since he had a quasy normal conversation! its weird yet nice!
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cosmosrival · 4 years
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👀 Does Kama like to peg Ash? 👀
u know what... ? u know what ?
KamAsh headcanons (AND NSFW HEADCANONS) time!!!!!! i don’t care anymore i had fun writing the kama*master ones 
so have these !!!!! might also become a character analysis and trivia because i cannot stay consistent when im talking about them !!!!
reminder bfore i start: ITS FINAL ASCENSION KAMA. NOT THE OTHERS. 
ok we’re good now
i think kama tops by default in every relationship they’re in, but their true strength resides in the fact that they are vers. and i believe that ash is ALSO vers. because flustered kama is a luxury and super cute and delicious and BECAUSE YOU WOULDNT LET YOUR GOD OF LOVE TOP YOU ???? ARE YOU SURE ??? YOU WOULDNT LET URSELF BE PAMPERED BY UR GOD ? ARE U REALLY SURE ?
ash is very cute because he’s gap moe, his respect for parvati shows that he’s not just a rage machine and can very much think normally like ur regular gold hearted delinquent anime boy !!!! god i Love him... anyway, i think he respects kama enough to look out for them and worship them like a proper God!! i believe that ash would call kama things like ‘your divinity’, ‘your grace’ (and if u have some jp knowledge, i think he’d add “-sama” to their name) because they... are god? (i think arjuna and karna also call them like this !! polite mahabharatan warriors are good boys)
since ash never married in the epic, i like to think that it’s because he was very much focused on his duty and ALSO because his participation in the war was out of loyalty towards king dhritarashtra and hastinapur so he was... perhaps planning on getting married once the war Ends ??? HE WAS OUT THERE FIGHTING !!!!!!! but we all know what happened to him (sheds a tear) 
anyway i think he’d be a bit of a masochist. (the room falls silent and you all look at me)
SORRY THAT WAS VERY HARDCORE ALL OF A SUDDEN but hear me out, FIRST OF ALL this man was able to endure an immortality curse until lord krishna eventually decided to free him so he’d join the throne and SECOND OF ALL, in his interlude he speaks of looking for ways to repent because he regrets what he’s done. and since we’re kinky over here, i’m gonna throw gentle femdom in the mix bc i think it fits them and its cute. especially because kama is literally the best person he could apologize to. and the only person who’d make his repentance pleasurable (because its their mcfreakin talent !!!!!) even if it technically wasnt his fault, i think his need to atone would just... overpower that and he’ll want to do anything kama wants, just to earn a crumb of forgiveness (without being desperate about it because... HES GOT AN EGO STILL, COME ON)
i like to think that he’s tried to apologize properly before... in a tense moment when they’re both more calm and alone. but kama stopped him because it’d just make things worse. if kama loses the need to have a grudge, will they even be useful as a servant anymore ? would they forgive themself for being so lenient ? forgiving their murderer’s protégé when they havent even had proper revenge ? kamadeva might have been a benevolent god before, but now they’re a lot more malicious (mara...) and this pointless anger would just make them look like an idiot (because servant shiva doesnt exist (YET?)). and i think ashwatthama would understand. 
so he won’t say the words “i’m sorry” because it’d just hurt them. 
THO WILL HE STOP LOOKING OUT FOR THEM AND SPOILING THEM ? no he will not
kama would find him interesting because he’s perfect bullying fodder but as i said before, it doesn’t work on ash. HE’S A WARRIOR ??? A CURSED IMMORTAL ? DO U THINK THAT PETTY PRANKS LIKE THE ONES KAMA DOES WOULD AFFECT HIM ? “are you bored ?” he asks while they’re trying to surprise him from behind and jumpscare him, without even turning to face them. kama groans in defeat.
SEDUCTION DOESNT WORK ON HIM EITHER AND THATS SO FUNNY but thats where it becomes subtle, he grows attached to them because they’ve gotten used to eachother’s presence (and strength in battle... small things like that). love can be born out of simple things!! blatant bimbo seduction doesn’t work on him but when he comes to wake kama up, and they’re too lazy to get up or float and groggily order him to lean forward so they can hold onto his shoulders so he’ll lift them up when he straightens himself is...
he’d find it cute. they’re cute. when they reach the cafeteria it’s still quite early and he already knows what they like to eat and get their plate ready for them while they’re waking up and yawning. god... they’re cute... its so subtle and cute...
......ok time to be horny !!! (TOMATOES GET FLUNG AT ME)
i think that they’d reach this stage after a while, when kama just gives up on bothering him cuz he’s annoyingly strong (and ganesha is more fun to bother anyway) and since they’re around eachother very often, kama would grow comfortable around him. same for ashwatthaman ! they’re very nice to be around when they’re calm and just chillin. 
the only teasing kama hasn’t tried on him is being openly horny and come onto him, asking him things about himself. and ash revealing that he’s never done these sorts of things before (HES A LIL MAD CUZ ITS EMBARRASSING ... DAMN... !!!), i think it’d give kama ideas. I MLAUGHING TYPING THIS BC I DIDNT THINK OF HOW THEY’D COAX HIM INTO GETTING NAUGHTY YET AND IT SOUNDS LIKE A BAD PORN INTRO AHHHHHHHHHHH
ok yeah like i said i didnt think of the coaxing yet but knowing ash, kama could turn it into a competition and make fun of him a little and he’s ready to go. arrogant dummy. 
he’s polite but his arrogance is a charm point because he’ll def want to prove himself to the god of carnal love. imagine kama’s reaction when he actually outfucks them.
HONESTLY ? I BELIEVE HIS WARRIOR STAMINA WOULD JUST BE INCREASED ONCE HE BECAME A SERVANT. AND KAMA WAS NEVER A WARRIOR theyre a lavish and lazy god.
BUT THEIR EGO IS WOUNDED and their shocked reaction is cute and ash wants to keep holding them for a little longer
their sessions genuinely feel like hatefucking at first since they’re both weirdly competitive like that but then, guilt hits and kama feels like an idiot because they just came onto someone thats supposedly their enemy??? and they’re a bit distant in the aftermath, they almost... look a little shy. 
ashwatthaman isnt beating himself over it as much as they are tho. it felt good, he got to see a new side of them he never thought he’d get to see so intimately and... he outfucked God :) SO HE IS PROUD. but looking at them lying there, breathless and looking all sad worries him. so i can see him leaning forward and spooning them, holding their hand and kissing their fingers and it’s such a soft gesture, kama stutters and asks “Where.. where did you learn to do that.” and seeing their reaction, Ash blushes as well and explains that he saw his father kiss his mom’s hand once???? AND ITS... SUCH A CUTE AND OBVIOUS REASON. kama feels dumb for asking but it makes them chuckle. 
and i think seeing someone who constantly looks so tired and depressed, have a genuine little chuckle would melt ash right there. i think he’ll want to see more. 
AND FROM THAT POINT ON, i think kama would also get used to this... intimacy they start to share. when he wraps his arms around them he always hugs them in this protective way, as if he wanted to shield them from something. and when he holds them like that, they always feel the need to wrap their legs around his waist, hide their face against his neck and Allow him to cuddle them.
they both have an ego u know aha. so if u openly ask them about eachother, they’ll get embarrassed and shut u down. IT’S... IT’S NOT LIKE THAT (sweats)
it is. it is like That. 
ANYWAY THEYRE BOTH VERY VERSATILE and ash is pretty much into everything kama could teach him about. like i said earlier, he’s also fine with being manhandled, mostly the feeling of kama’s nails gently pressing against his skin, or being bit. i think he’d be into getting a lil feral.
a mutual once said that sexually liberated ashwatthama is hot as hell and i feel it in my bones.... kama coming onto him after a particularily short mission that got ash angry but not enough to let out some steam --> they get pounded into the mattress and they live for it because riling him up when he’s like that is actually really fun.
OBSESSED WITH THE BOTH OF THEM SLOWLY SEEING IT AS A GAME AFTER A WHILE... 
OH ash bottoming is also very cute. his first times would be awkward but kama is a pro at this anyways and i’m finally going to answer ur ask: YEAH HE GETS PEGGED !!!!! he finds out how excited he gets when kama calls him a good boy !!! and he never knew that he was into these sorts of things but holy shit it feels nice.
when kama gives him his first blowjob he almost loses his mind
what i really love about kama is that they can see how tense he gets, even if he’s having a great time, and i know they’d teach him how to relax. EVEN WHEN THEY’RE RIDING HIM, they’ll massage his pecs and his shoulders, set the pace and squeeze down on him just to hear him moan. stare at his surprised little face because he didn’t know he could make THAT kind of nois e ? ? ? ? ?
HE’S EMBARRASSED but he doesn’t want them to stop
OH YEAH i wanna come back on the whole masochist thing (I GET SNIPED), him getting repentance and being punished through sex is both very liberating and hot as hell, especially when it’s kama. ashwatthaman moaning ‘your divinity’ like it’s a prayer is also hot as hell !!!!!!! IDK i just think that they can both get very intense, and also last a while, until they’re thoroughly SPENT.
...and leave room for softness. kama gently brushing his wet hair behind his ear, leaving him breathless and a little shy. they then lean in to kiss him and he immediately melts into their touch. but then they bite his lip. and he ... he Likes it but he could almost pout.
time to get a little angsty (i lock gazes with you) i think that after a long while of sharing such a relationship, ash would almost say The Forbidden Words in a daze. and kama deeply kisses him so he stays quiet. and they’re just staring at eachother, until kama tells him that he’s not allowed to say it. and if he does, it’ll almost be a betrayal towards shiva AND themself. they’ve grown impossibly close but neither of them can say Those Words because they both feel like they’ll break something.
also bc they both have huge egos.
but i think that deep down they really want to say them. 
another variant of this is kama wanting to make him admit it, have him say Those Words. but because of his blessing and respect towards lord shiva, he cannot. both because of the guilt and that it’d end up feeling like a lie, even if his touches, his kisses and the way he looks at kama screams otherwise.
BUT REE WHAT ARE THE FORBIDDEN WORDS
"I Won't Say (I'm in Love)" Hercules (1997).
is this enough of a clue ;;);)););;;))))))) HAAHA
THEY HAVE SO MANY LAYERS TO THEM ITS UNREAL
anyway shower sex hot !! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
i also think that them mutually jerking eachother off is hot as all hell and ONCE AGAIN, flustered ash who doesn’t know what he’s doing (at first) is cute !!!! cute !!
ashwatthaman LEARNING from kama is also a big fave. they’re abt to bathe in kama’s luxurious bathtub they had master buy for them and they’re removing their earrings and he silently leans forward and bites their ear and suddenly their face is red. god. huge dummy god of love. i love them soooo much its unreal
THEIR DYNAMIC IS BASICALLY.. I WONT SAY IM IN LOVE but still look at eachother like they’re newlyweds everytime they get intimate and (sheds a tear) i think theyre super married
GOOD GOD .......BODY WORSHIP IS SOMETHING THEYRE BOTH HEAVILY INTO ALSO. both giving and receiving, even if kama is a lot less obvious about it and a lot more smug.
oh, i think ash would be the loudest between the two !! THIS ONE WAS OBVIOUS. hearing him like that would also coax kama into making more noise as well so its win-win 
ok to be honest i think i should draw porn of them being soft like... THERES DETAILS I HAVE IN MIND THAT ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO WRITE DOWN IN THE HEADCANON FORMAT and i’m too nervous about writing fics (looks away) but i have things to draw.
ANYWAY I THINK THIS GOT VERY LONG ????????? SO IM GONNA STOP HERE. IF U MADE IT THIS FAR: THANK U FOR LISTENING TO MY BRAINWORM !!!! 
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ellana-ravenwood · 5 years
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Salt, Tequila, Lemon - Jason Todd x Reader
Please read this intro, thank you very much :  
So. I posted this yesterday, but after a bug on the Tumblr app on my phone it got deleted. I’m super bummed out because it had over 200 notes and quite a few feedbacks that I never got to read because it was accidentally deleted...If the people that took the time to comment things on the story could take a bit more time to write a little comment again and give me their feedbacks, and also if the people that liked and reblog could do it once more...i’d appreciate the hell out of you <3.  So reposting it (thanks god I always have back ups of all my stories now). Written in twenty minutes during my break at work. Bam. Hope you’ll like it :
Also, since Tumblr’s new guidelines and enforcement of it, I DON’T really appear in searches anymore, so the only way for this story to be seen by others than those who follow me is to reblog it. So if you wanna, you can show your support for my writing by doing just that. Thanks very much. You can find my masterlist here : @ella-ravenwood-archives
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Ok. So. Grandma’s remedy against heartbreak ? Oh, right. 
Salt. Tequila. Lemon. 
Got it. Licking the back of your hand to make the salt stick to it, you pour yourself a massive shot of “To-Kill-Ya” in your coffee mug, not even caring about the fact that there is still some remnant of your cappuccino from last night in it. 
You focus on the sound the liquid makes as it fills your cup. Makes you think about something else. Good. Yup. This was totally gonna help right now. 
“Cheers”, you exclaim to yourself, your empty apartment echoing your voice. 
Salt. 
Wincing. Stingy. Salt on its own is gross. 
Tequila. 
More wincing. Oh my god, it burns. The coffee that was still at the bottom of the cup is an oddly nice touch. 
Lemon. 
The last of the Wincing. 
You spit the piece of lemon you just bit into in the trash and…miss. The yellow fruit falls with a little flat sound on the floor, and you honestly can’t bother to pick it up. Your apartment is a mess anyway, so you just stare at it angrily and pour yourself another drink. 
Salt. Tequila. Lemon. 
You gulp the last of the citrus and shiver. Miss the trash again. 
Damn. This was good. 
Well, actually, it was disgusting. 
You didn’t like strong alcohol and what the Hell ?! Why did you leave a bit of coffee in your cup ? Now that the aftertaste was kicking in, it was actually really gross. If the tequila itself didn’t make you wanna throw up, the stale coffee taste nearly did. Oh, and the salt and lemon combination was as awful as ever. 
You really didn’t like salt, tequila, or lemon. 
But it was still good. 
Because thanks to all this immediate awfulness, you could slowly feel yourself drift into “haze land”, and forget about your worries. 
Forget that your boyfriend of two years just cheated on you with some random woman you worked with. Woman that, by the way, he met at the Christmas “end of the year” party from you work you invited him to…You gave him free champagne and mise-en-bouche and all your love, and he broke your heart. 
It wasn’t your thing, to drink your sorrow away. And it wasn’t your thing either to wallow because of a man…But you genuinely thought he was “the one” (oh what a mistake you would soon realize that was). 
He was always so nice, treating you like a princess. He complimented you daily, and never forgot an important date. He was affectionate, not to an annoying point. He was the perfectamount of affectionate. He was a gentleman and seemed to love you and yet, he betrayed you. 
If a man like him, that was nothing short but sweet and passionate with you, cheated on you, then did that mean you couldn’t trust anyone ? 
Because in your eyes right now, he was perfect. Albeit said eyes were slightly clouded by a a few tequila shots. 
You were downing a fourth drink starting to slowly sob when…
There’s very few things that can get you out of a drunk state in seconds. 
An extremely cold shower could do the trick, for instance. Brings you back to your senses a bit you know ? You wouldn’t magically be sober, but you’d get a clearer mind. Or someone giving you shocking news ! Or like, an event so incredible that your body just forgets how drunk it is for a minute. 
And this event, for you, came at the perfect time. 
Right when you were entering your “sad drunk” phase, which was between the “lol alcohol does NOTHING to me” phase where you downed most of your drinks, and the “dancing on the bar’s counter” phase (a few more drinks and you would have a one woman dance party in your living room, acting as if you were on a bar’s counter and that your name was suddenly “Britney”).
Right when you were about to wallow times a thousand, and cry, and yell “whyyyyyyy ?!” to the sky, arms in the air (drama queen). 
Years later, looking back on that particular event, you’ll start to realize that Destiny HAS to exist. Because come on, it was just too perfect a timing to be a simple coincidence. 
You were about to swallow up your fifth drink, launching yourself head first into the “sad phase” when an ear shattering noise rang all around your apartment. 
Broken glass. 
It was the sound of broken glass. Heightened to the max by your drunkness. You turned on your stool, and…there he was. 
It was a guy. That you were sure of because he had no boobs and too much pecs. And that guy…well that guy just flew right through your window, destroying it. How rude. 
There was glass everywhere. 
How much did a window cost ? Probably a fortune. 
You wondered briefly if you could just use aluminium foil and tape the shit up. There was nothing of value to steal in your apartment anyway, and if aluminium foil could keep meals warm, it definitely worked with a house too right ? 
You sobered up quite a bit, but you were also very drunk when this event happened, so your mind was still in that cloudy weird phase where your priorities were…interesting. 
You worried more about the broken window at first, than about that guy who just launched through it. 
A guy. 
Not just any guy. 
You saw that guy before. 
He was one of those night vigilante your crazy hometown was filled with…RED HOOD !! 
“Thick thighs”, is the first thing you thought right after you recognized him (priorities). 
The second thing you thought was that you needed another drink, and so you downed what was your fifth one, but with that crazy thing happening ended up being on the same level as if it was a second one. You were tipsy, but not “drunk” anymore. 
The third thing that came to your mind was…Is he still alive ? 
No cause, he was like, just laying there, on your living room’s floor, not moving. 
“…Outch.” 
Oh. He spoke. 
So he ain’t dead. Good, means you can have another drink then, you don’t need a clear mind to call an ambulance or something. 
Oddly enough, in your half-drunk half-sober state, this sounded completely reasonable. Nevermind if Red Hood had some internal bleeding or something. He talked. He was probably fine. 
A minute passed, and you just sat there, sipping up your tequila in between taking a pinch of salt and biting into a piece of lemon. 
Salt, tequila, lemon. Great remedy against heartbreaks. 
Wait, were you heartbroken ? Really ? You couldn’t really recall that fact now. But, yeah…it was the reason why you were drinking right ? Because right now, all you could think about was the fact that this Red hood guy had abs for days…
This unforeseen event sobered you up quite a bit, but the two shots you just took kinda brought you back to the same state than you were before.
Well. Not quite. You were drunk as hell again, but seemed to have avoided the “sad phase”. Instead, Red Hood bursting quite literally through your window took you to another road. 
The : “Cool, I got a drinking buddy phase”. Well, taking for granted he didn’t have any internal bleeding and wouldn’t die while biting into a lemon wedge. 
“Tough day ?” 
You ask him, as he slowly sits up and shakes his head, trying to regain his senses. He looks towards you and seem surprised (or at least you think he is, because he wears a mask so…kinda hard to tell). 
************
Jason definitely thought he was alone in this place, because no sane person would just sit there, not saying anything, as someone simply jumped through their window. Nope, most people would just freak out. Scream. 
He knows, because it’s not the first time he falls through a window during a night on duty. And every single time it happened, people freaked out. Screamed. Threw stuffs at him, or hid away begging for their life to be spared. 
And yet here you were, half a bottle of tequila in front of you, surrounded by lemon wedges you bit into, and table salt all over your hand, just staring at him curiously. And did you just say : “tough day” ?  
Well, Jason guessed the empty half of the bottle was why you were so chilled about it all. He sat up, and slowly got back to his feet. 
Usually, going through a window meant the end of the night for him. He’d go back to one of his secret stash, patch himself up and get some rest. Most of the time, he fell through windows because someone pushed him or threw him there…Though today, he just embarrassingly missed a step and fell by himself. 
Of course, no one would ever now he tripped while jumping from one building to another (you lived on the last floor) and went careening into your home (and life). Nope, the official story would be that he fought a fierce enemy and was thrown into that window. Finding fake villains name was easy, given how truly ridiculous some could be. 
Tim and Damian were still after the “Illusive Blue Man” that he totally made up that one time he walked into a poll and had a huge black eye that he couldn’t quite explain…Oh man, he had to stop telling such elaborate lies and just say “I fought with a few guys last night” without more explanation. 
But he couldn’t help it. And those kids believed everything he said, it was too tempting…But for now, this wasn’t the issue. Nope. 
He did a quick check of his body and knew he wasn’t really hurt (thanks “dad” for the amazing body armor ugh ?), so he was planning on leaving that poor girl’s house and send a mystery check in the mail to pay for the damage (money stolen from a certain Bruce Wayne of course, as if he would pay himself). 
Yup. He was just gonna stand up, and go on his way and…somehow, he found himself sitting on the stool opposite side of this mysterious girl, and now she was peppering salt on his hand ? 
“Salt”, she says, and she has a cute drunk voice. Jason almost forgets he just went through a window a few minutes ago. 
“Tequila”, she continues, downing her drink and pointing at the one she poured him. He doesn’t even care the she poured it in a cereal bowl that she didn’t even seem to have clean…He drunk worst things in worst recipient. He turns away to take off his mask and so that she can’t see his face, and “bottom’s up”. 
“Lemon !” she finishes, biting into the sour fruit and spitting it in the direction of the trashcan but missing completely. The lemon wedge goes to lost itself amongst his fallen brothers…
Jason bites into his own lemons, and spits it. Right into the garbage. 
There’s a slight pause, where she just stares at the trashcan, and then at Jason, back to the trashcan, and then turns to him again and simply says : 
“Wow.” 
************
So. This was surreal. 
Here you were. In your home. Taking tequila shots. With…Red Hood. 
One of Gotham’s night vigilante. The most violent one. But the dude seemed chilled. He was holding his liquor really well. 
And now you were talking about your broken heart, telling him the story as if he’d been your friend for years. And he was listening. Intently. And reacting to what you were saying. It had been a LONG time, since you had this kind of talk with anyone, and despite the fact you were drunk, you still noticed how nice it felt to have someone to talk to. Someone that genuinely listened. 
“And then he slept with her !” you say angrily. 
“Nooooooo !?!” 
“Yes, he did ! He slept with…with…what was her name…”
“Nicole. From accounting.” 
“Right, Nicole from accounting ! That bitch ! She always just…counts and shit ! And he slept with her ! Nicole from accounting ! Whom he met thanks to me, by the way ! At a partyyyy !! At my wooooork !!” 
“What an ass.” 
“Right ?! Oh but he had such a good ass though…Quite firm. But whenever he wore jeans, it was super flat.” 
“So, not such a good ass in the end then ?” 
“I guess not. You have a good ass. Popping right out in this outfit of yours.” 
Red Hood chuckles, and the sound of his laughter makes you forget that you just said something incredibly embarrassing. His voice is…nice. Deep. Manly. You like it. You wanna make him chuckle some more, so you say, hoping : 
“And it looks very firm. Not just quite firm.” 
It works. He snorts and it’s very cute. Oh wow. He can be sexy and cute. Full package. You smile a bit dreamily. 
For a second, he’s lost in that smile of yours, and there’s a silence installing itself in the room. A comfortable one. That you break : 
“Ok. So now, he’s not that perfect anymore ! He got no ass ! Penalty points ! I never notice how un-assed he was before…” 
Jason smiles and damn. He’s hot. 
Somewhere along the way, he stopped turning his face away from you whenever he took a shot, and just ended up taking his helmet off. He was probably hoping that you’d black out or something, so you wouldn’t remember his face (or he just didn’t care). 
In any case, you were pretty sure you never saw him before. His face kinda reminded you of an old memory. Of someone you saw somewhere long ago, when you were a kid…Which wasn’t really a big help right ? 
Right. You had no idea who he was. And in your drunken state, probably couldn’t piece anything together anyway. So even if you did know who he could be, you wouldn’t know in the end anyway…Makes perfect sense right ?
What you knew was : he’s hot. 
This white streak in his hair did something to you that you couldn’t explain. And that jawline ? You would love to get cut on that bitch.  It could actually cut a bitch, you were sure of it. Those blue eyes ? You’ve never seen someone with such blue eyes. And did you mention to yourself how muscular he was ? Because man you only saw guys like this in magazines ! 
But beyond his handsome features, he seemed like a nice guy. Like he was listening to you, a total stranger. And this realization suddenly raised your guard up. 
You also thought that your ex-cheating-boyfriend was a nice guy. And come to think of it, who the hell just barge in someone’s home like that, and actually stay to drink tequila shots ?! Wait but…in your guts…it’s not like with your ex. 
You don’t think he’s a nice guy. You know he is. 
************
There’s a visible shift in your mood, after this realization. So far, you talked to him about your broken heart freely, and he listened. 
Oddly enough, no words that came out of your (perfect) mouth bored him. Jason wasn’t sure wether it was the alcohol or not, but you captivated him. 
But in a split second, and without him knowing why, your features changed. You were now frowning. Like an unhappy little kid. It was kinda cute, but he didn’t like it because…why were you frowning ? 
He tries to lighten up the mood and says : 
“Well here you go. See, you didn’t loose the perfect guy, his ass was flat in jeans. Can’t work with that, can you ? I bet we can find other flaws. Make you realize he actually was a looser.”  
Your guard is up, but you can’t help but smile a bit, plus you were frowning just now because you realized you just knew you could trust that total stranger, and it was so weird…. 
Besides, no harm in indulging this, because you’re pretty sure it’ll make you feel better to try and see the bad side of your ex-boyfriend, not just his good ones. No one was perfect. And so, still a bit careful, you say : 
“Well…He never got any of my Tv shows or movie references.” 
“Well, here’s a point to take off of his “perfectness”. Doesn’t get pop culture references. Deal breaker.” 
“Yeah…Yeah you’re right. It is. He also used to hate when I made jokes. I like puns ya know ? Terrible ones. Well, he was always embarrassed whenever I made them in public.” 
“Ashamed of his girlfriend, doesn’t sound very gentlemanly, right ?” 
“Yeah. It doesn’t. Maybe he wasn’t such a perfect gentleman…He also used to not want to go out with me if I didn’t wear any make-up and was dressed just casually.” 
“What you mean, he never just went out with you ?” 
“We only went out on dates. I had to dress up. I could be casual home though…” 
“Well goodie, the man let you be yourself when you were home. Big deal. To be honest, sounds like a douchey move.” 
“That was kinda douchey…I never cared what he looked like.” 
And it’s true. For you, physical appearance wasn’t everything. And sure you thought your ex was hot and all, but only because you liked his personality too. You liked his jokes, you were never ashamed of anything he said. 
And right now, sure that stranger that bursted through your window was hot, but the reason you felt like you could tell him things was because he just made you comfortable by his mere aura. Because he gave you such a good vibe. 
You never were fully about appearances. It was always just a bonus for you…So it never occurred to you why your ex would only hang out in public with you if you were pampered. Like he used to hate when you just wore hoodies and no make-up, even if you didn’t need make-up to be beautiful. 
Comes to think of it, he was very much about appearances…Uh. Interesting. You never realized that before. 
You turn to Red Hood, and the look on your face says it all. You’re slowly realizing maybe you didn’t just lost “the one”. The vigilante says : 
“Ok, so : no ass, no humor apparently, doesn’t get pop culture references, and was kind of a jerk when it came to going out with you…” 
“He did tell me often that I was beautiful though. Including when I just woke up from a night out, and was awful looking.”
“Yeah, but he never went out with you looking like that. He shouldn’t feel ashamed of hanging out with you looking like that. Just like he shouldn’t feel embarrassed when you joke. He can be exasperated, like if you really make bad puns, sure. And he can think it’s unfunny…But embarrassed ? No.” 
“I guess…I never thought about it.” 
“Well let me tell you, as someone who does not know neither you nor him personally, he sounds like a bit of a jerk. Let’s not forget he cheated as well. Like, that’s not something good people do. Especially not with…Nicole from accounting.” 
“Nicole from accounting…Yeah. They’re together now though.” 
“So ? He should’ve broken up with you if he realized he liked her. That’s the right thing to do. Trust me on that, I put villains behind bars for a living, I know what’s right or wrong.” 
“I heard you kill criminals.” 
“Used to. I used to kill criminals, I had issues. I’ll tell you one day if you wanna. It’s a real tear jerker story. With clowns and crowbars. And I’m telling you that because I’m drunk, right now. Also, if we want to be specific, I don’t actually make a living out of putting villains behind bars. Like, I don’t get paid or anything…” 
Jason finds himself ranting about anything that comes to his mind, and though he hears himself claim it’s because of the alcohol he’s saying all this, he realizes maybe there’s something else making him want to talk. 
You. A total stranger he walked upon. Or rather, went-through-the-window upon.  Who didn’t freak out when he went through said window. And instead, invited him over to have tequila shots. 
Because, according to your grandmother, the best remedy to…basically any problems in life, was “salt, tequila, lemon”. 
“She was a wise woman.” 
He says, and you turn to him, clearly not understanding what he was talking about. 
“Who ?” 
“Your grandma. For saying that salt, tequila and lemon was a great remedy against heartbreaks and all.” 
“Oh. Yeah. I wouldn’t know, I never met her. She died before I was born.” 
“Well what she passed on to your parents is great.” 
“What ?”
“Well, that “salt, tequila and lemon” thing, I assume she said that to your mom or dad, and then they said that to you, and then it became your grandma’s advice. Right ?” 
“…Nah. It’s an excuse I made up. Whenever I need to justify something, I just say “like my grandma said, ain’t no shame in eating an entire tub of ice cream if you want to”, and then people are just like “oh yeah, cool”, because when you say the word “grandma”, then it gives a perspective to your words ya know ?” 
Jason had no idea what you were on about, but he loved it. You seemed to be very smart. And witty. And funny. The hell did that guy cheated on you for ? And why was he ashamed of going out in public with you when you weren’t dressed up ?! 
You currently wore “Hello Kitty” pyjamas, had absolutely no make up on, and your hair was a mess, and he thought you looked gorgeous.
“Why are you so nice ?” 
Your question takes him by surprise, and for a few seconds he doesn’t register it and just says : “ugh ?” 
“To me. Why are you so nice to me ? Is it the alcohol ? Does it make you nice ? Or are you just nice to every stranger ? Every girl you destroy the windows of ? Or are you like my ex ? You seem nice, but then you go off and cheat on your girl simply because you like another girl and you’re too cowardly to break up with your current girl ?” 
Jason hiccups slightly, and says : 
“No, I’m not nice to any girl I met. I’m actually usually kind of a jerk, too “brutally honest”. But you…I don’t know. You give me good feelings. Oh and here’s to add on his flaws list. “Coward”. Can’t even break up with a girl, has to wait to get caught red-handed and break her heart. Cooooward. Bad flaw. Kind of guy who runs in the face of danger, instead of standing by you.” 
It’s probably the fact that he said “you give me good feelings” that spurs this in you. That gives you a new clearer perspective on things. 
“My heart wasn’t broken.”
It’s a shock, to you. This realization. This sudden feeling jumping in your face. You…are not heartbroken. You’re mad. You’re frustrated. You feel betrayed. You feel a crazy burning anger towards your ex for toying around with you like that. For not having the balls to just break up, after spending two years together. 
He was suppose to know you. To be your friend. Things could have turned out better. He could have just come up to you, say the truth, and…You were pretty sure you’d still be friend. Because he really was a great guy. 
He really was all the good thing you though about him. He made a mistake, an unforgivable one in your book. But he was a great guy. 
He was just…not your great guy. Not anymore at least. 
And you realized, there, quite drunk, that…It was ok.  
Your heart wasn’t broken.  
Your heart wasn’t broken. 
Your pride was. Your trust was. But your heart ? …Maybe you weren’t completely in love with him. You were best friends, yes, but love ? Maybe it wasn’t love…
Your heart wasn’t broken. 
“My heart isn’t broken.” 
You tell Red hood, looking at him right in his wonderful ocean blue eyes. And he looks right back at you, and just nods. Just like that. And then he pours you one last tequila shot. 
Because like your grandma would say : “When you make great discovery about yourself…Salt, tequila, lemon”. 
************
It took you only a few hours with him to realize that you weren’t in love with your ex, and that was kinda scary. Because this realization didn’t come from nowhere. 
Nope. 
But when he said that your ex broke your heart, you felt obligated to tell him that no. No your heart wasn’t broken. You were sad and angry, yes, but not heartbroken. For you, in that moment, it was important for this total stranger to know you weren’t actually in love. 
Hell, you didn’t even know yourself you weren’t that in love before you talked to him. It just came as a sudden, yet utterly true revelation. 
Because, and this wasn’t the alcohol speaking…You felt incredibly attracted to that guy. To Red Hood. Not just because of the white streak in his hair, and the eyes, and smile, and voice, and abs, and thick thighs. That too, sure, but not only…Nope. 
Nope. Not because of this. 
But because he had a tough day (he said so himself, explaining to you how he went through the window…he was fighting a super-villain when he got flung through your window, tough tough time ahem), and yet he sat with a crazy lady that peppered salt on his hand and practically forced him to take a tequila shot…
Because you could see in his eyes, and felt in your guts that he didn’t have an easy life…and yet he took a break from whatever he was doing to just sit with you and listen to you. He didn’t even make sense, that you trusted those feelings so fiercely. And yet, you did. Because he listened to you. 
He saw you were struggling and he stayed. And though you felt you couldn’t trust anyone at that time…You oddly felt like he was ok. 
Like he wouldn’t be the kind of guy to cheat, or run in the face of danger, leaving you all alone to fight off demons. 
In a few short hours, you fell for this guy more than you ever fell for your ex. 
What did that say about you uh ? …That was pretty pathetic…
************
Jason didn’t think that you were pathetic at all. 
On the contrary. If he went to seat with you, and drink with you, is because he was instantly mesmerized by you. 
And though he didn’t know at first why, now he was sure of it. 
It’s because you didn’t freak out. And something told him it wasn’t only because you were a bit drunk (he fell in drunk people’s home before…none reacted like you). 
Nope. It was because you were special. He just knew it. Special in every way. Funny. Beautiful. Genuinely listening to him when he was speaking. 
He peppered his own problems within your story, as you told him. And you listened. Hell, even referenced a few things he said early on, way later, while you were crazy drunk. You listened. 
You gave a total stranger that seemed to have a tough day some salt. And tequila. And lemons. 
And then you cared. You asked him a thousand times if he was ok, and he basically had to take off his armor to prove it so (to your eyes’ greatest pleasure…mm mm mm those muscles). 
Captivated. He was captivated by you. It was strange, and though he knew it was because you were special, he still was unclear as to why his feelings were that strong. 
For someone he just met. And barely knew. And only knew while drunk. 
You were just…Special. 
************
It was surreal. The all thing. 
What started as a night where you planned on wallowing your pain and drinking…ended up changing your life. 
And no one could convince you that it wasn’t Fate. Because what were the odds that Red Hood would fall through YOUR window after tripping (yeah you didn’t buy that “fighting super-villains thing” at all) ?
What were the odds of his timing being so perfect, arriving just before you started to cry ? Because there was no doubt in your mind that if he had come a few seconds later, he wouldn’t have stayed. 
He would have found a crying mess, and maybe he would have tried to confort you but…You wouldn’t have answered. In your “sad phase”, you only cry and whine. He would have eventually left. And the wonderful talk you’d just have, would never have happened. 
But instead. He came right before your lips touch that fatal shot of tequila that would have brought you into the “sad phase”. And took your drunkness down a notch. Rerouted your evening. 
You weren’t wallowing anymore, you were ranting. 
Sharing your anger and frustration. 
And he helped you realize that your ex wasn’t that perfect…That maybe it was just not meant to be…After all, he cheated on you. 
Uh. What a shame. You didn’t even know his name…”Red Hood”…
You wished you knew his name. 
************
The morning lights were rising, and the bottle of tequila was long gone. 
There were still salt and lemons though. For some reason, you decided to buy the entire grocery store’s stock of lemons. 
Red Hood stood up, and said he had to go. 
He was nice about it. Said it was a pleasure to have spend the night with you. You both laughed about the innuendos that ensued. 
You were exactly on the same page. And he understood all your joke referencing to pop culture… 
But it was time for him to go. And he apparently had no intention of telling you his real name. He didn’t hint either at ever coming back to see you again. 
And there was that. Just a nice night, spend talking to a genuine friend that you’ll never see again. 
A genuine friend that you didn’t even know a few hours before. 
Maybe it was the alcohol speaking. Maybe not. 
And even if you ended up never seeing him again, this evening truly changed your life…At least, it saved you from a heartbreak. Made you realize it wasn’t that.
Though, now, as he climbs out of the window again (he couldn’t possibly use the front door), you feel like the actual heartbreak is starting. 
Grandma’s remedy against heartbreak ? Right. 
Salt, tequila, lemon…
But the tequila is all gone. 
“I’ll send someone to fix that window…Sorry again about that. …Bye.” are his last words, and then he’s out. 
And the tequila is all gone. 
************
… 
Days pass by in a blur. 
Salt. Tequila. Lemon. 
Ugh. But you don’t want to this time. You don’t want to get drunk to forget. 
You don’t want to forget him. And you know it’s ridiculous to get that worked up over a guy you met one night and that will never come back. That you didn’t even know the name of. 
This entire night was weird anyway. 
Getting drunk with a dangerous night vigilante. Pouring your heart out to him, and him doing the same. The hell were you even thinking ? 
Salt. Tequila. Lemon. 
That would be a good idea to do this right now, because man…your heart hurt. More than when you discovered your ex sleeping with Nicole. From accounting. But you can’t resolve yourself to drink. To forget. Nope. Instead you…
*Knock knock knock*. 
Uh ? You take a quick look at your clock in the kitchen.10 pm. Who the hell is coming at 10 pm ?! It can only be bad news. Especially in Gotham…You peep into the eyehole and…
WHAT ?! 
You open your door quickly, and… 
“Told you I’d send someone to fix your window.” 
It’s him. It’s Red hood. But in…civilian clothes. 
His ass doesn’t look flat in jeans. 
He’s holding a window wrapped in cardboard, and there’s a toolbox at his feet. 
“Yeah, you did…come in.” 
************
Jason Todd. 
That’s his name. And connections are fast to be made in your brain. Jason Todd. Bruce Wayne’s adopted son. That supposedly died…ten years ago. 
And is Red Hood now. Oh. It makes sense. Even his little “killing criminals” thing while Batman never killed. You easily put two and two together. 
Red Hood. Jason Todd. Bruce Wayne. 
Wow. Can’t believe you never guessed that before. Of course Bruce Wayne is Batman. He’s got the motive, the means, the excuses…It’s so obvious. And yet, you never realized. And no one else in Gotham ever realized. 
Jason Todd. 
Now you know his name. 
And he’s fixing your window. Nobody ever fixed windows for you before (even those who broke it).
Um. To add to the “perfect man” list : “Handy”. 
Jason Todd.  
He quickly works the window up, and then he turns to you. While he was working you talked, as if you knew each other for years. Joking around. Like old friends. Like old extremely good and close friends. 
It fits. It clicks. It’s natural. You and him, him and you. 
Barely knowing each others, and yet knowing each others the best. 
Jason. Todd. 
He turns to you now, and with a smirk, he says : 
“Ya know, my grandma always say that when something good happens to you, you need to celebrate. And I feel like this, right now, you and I, though I have no idea what we’re doing and where it’s going…Well it’s still something to celebrate. And she always says, my grandma, that to celebrate perfectly you need…” 
You smile. 
Yeah. You don’t know where this thing between you two is going, but you do know that you never met someone who so fully understood you. 
And in such a short span of time. And you know you’re not mistaking. It’s a feeling too strong to be a mistake. 
He came back to fix your window for god’s sake. And trusted you enough to tell you his actual name. Without a second thought. Which meant everything. Especially since from all the hint he let slip through last time you saw each others, about his father, well…let’s just say telling people his real name wasn’t really something he was used to. 
But it just works. It fits. It clicks. It’s not like with your ex, because you don’t think you know it does. It just does. The fact that you say those next few words in perfect sync finishes to convince you : 
(“…And she always says, my grandma, that to celebrate perfectly you need…”) 
“Salt, tequila, and lemons.” 
______________________________________________
I’m so mad the Tumblr app crashed and I deleted the original post...Y’all were great and reblogged the hell out of it ! Which is why it got so many notes in such a short span of times. And feedbacks. I haven’t had that many feedbacks on a story in a long time. So just one last time and I won’t bother you with that again : Please, if you enjoyed this story, don’t hesitate to reblog it and share it with others. People who don’t follow me can’t really find my stories anymore so...you’re a big help by spreading them. It’s always very encouraging. 
And if you got the time, feedbacks are always hella appreciated and always make my day a little brighter <3. 
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dangerliesbeforeyou · 5 years
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HIStory’s ranked (no one asked, but here i go)
so i was sittin here, talkin to myself about the HIStory series’ and was like ‘hey, i should rank them’ (which i’ve seen a few other people do, but mines a lot more rambling than there’s because i can’t shut up lol) 
so here’s my views lol (ordered from worst to best, imo):
6) My Hero (HIStory1) -
probably universally acknowledged as the worst episode, and i’d be inclined to agree with the masses on this lol... not only is the tone and humour of this series so weird and disjointed, but the entire story line literally makes no sense lol?? it’s unclear who the audience should be rooting for (especially as it goes out of it’s way to paint our protagonist as really unlikable lol, not to mention the love interest is the dullest character ever conceived like ???), as well as this the ending feels completely unrelated and bizarre... 
i think this concept /could/ have worked if the guy the woman was inhabiting (which sounds weird without context, but like she’s dead lol) was somehow also inside his head? or if she got to see his memories or whatever & tries to adjust her personality to match the guy’s, causing love interest!dude to fall in love with the guy... (like i could go into more detail, i basically hav an entire au written in my head lol, but yh...)... that way, her letting go of him in the end would feel so much more well set up? especially if she was generally more understanding and likeable.. 
i think overall this series just fails in telling a decent story lol... & the cringe is even beyond what i can handle lol
5) Obsessed (HIStory1) -
people might be surprised to see this one so low down, especially since i know a lot of people really love this series (& if u do, no hate to u btw, ur allowed to like whatever u want idc), but i realllllly don’t like this series... like at all ...
the plot is weird anyway, which isnt inherently a bad thing, but then u add on the really bad couple and it’s just...... bad lol... like everything about their relationship is built on lies and deceit, and even more so than that it’s built on a lack of mutual respect and fundamental trust for each other! tall guy (i don’t know names soz) feigns memory loss in order to get closer to short guy (btw, the scenes with them being domestic were really sweet, & i firmly believe this could have been an alright series for the actors if the story line wasn’t so bad), short guy’s whole existence in that universe was a lie lol (like i know there’s no easy way to tell someone ‘lol well i’m technically from the future’ but still), then there’s the whole resolution at the end & it’s just so ??? frustrating lol!
nothing bugs me more than seeing conflict in relationships (on screen or irl) that could be solved simply by TALKING TO EACH OTHER GODDAMNIT & isnt lol... my other issue with this series is the fact tall guy 100% forced himself upon short guy in the tent & like we’re just supposed to accept it cos ?? he’s saying no and pushing away but actually he wants it because he loves tall guy ?? like fuck no i’m not accepting that lol! 
basically, bad & bizarre story & characters, & gross tropes just makes this hard for me to watch and enjoy lol... i think, like in my hero, this could’ve done with being a different story altogether lol... (maybe tall guy actually did lose his memory & he falls for short guy all on his own with no predatory intentions?? idk something like that)
4) Right or Wrong (HIStory2)
this one & my number 3 are very much tied tbh, but this one is just slightly lower just because i’m not as big into the couple as i know a lot of people are... & it’s not necessarily the age gap, cos i dont actually mind age gaps in pairings (just as long as the younger one isnt a minor, obv... and also i think any gap that’s 30+ years is a bit weird lol..).. i think my big problem with this is i dont really see why younger guy (again, i have no idea of any of these characters’ names lol) would fall for the older guy? like the older guy is obvs going thru some issues, and hasnt been taking care of himself or his kid properly because of them, but like we dont rly see a lot of why he’s a great guy? like we get the sense young guy is attracted to him, but like love is more than just thinkin they’re hot lol... idk lol this might just be me tbh i just couldnt see why he’d be interested lol
i did like the whole family side though, and showing how a man who was previously with a woman can still end up with a guy (bisexualityyyyy (or some variation of that thereupon)) is something you dont always see in media, so i thought that was pretty cool! (even if the ex-wife thing was kinda lame lol...) 
i think overall i see what this series was going for, and that it actually did an alright job in some parts... the biggest problem is that it’s kinda just forgettable lol... maybe that’s why people like obsessed so much lol? maybe it was a train wreck but ohh boy at least u wont forget it in a hurry lol!
3) Stay Away From Me (HIStory1) -
i’m a bit torn about this one, cos there are parts of it i actually really like (them going from rivals/enemies to being good friends to being more), and other parts i really didnt (the stereotypical squealing yaoi fangirl friend)... & tbh, i kinda wish this had just been a show about the budding friendship between the 2 guys... it almost feels too forced to me that they’re made to ‘fall in love’ when i actually think them both becoming less selfish and learning to respect each other as step brothers & friends is actually already a really great story (& i know that it doesnt fit with the whole ‘HIStory’ thing, but stories of platonic brotherhood/’bromance’ are just as important as gay representation... isnt a /substitute/ for representation, don’t get me wrong, but it’s always so beautiful to see decently portrayed non-toxic friendships between guys... ok this is a rant for another day tho shhh)
i think maybe why i like this one more than the other HIStory1′s is because kinda nothing happens lol... it’s not overly complex with weird unexplained magic things happening, it’s just a simple story lol... is it still tropey as hell? of course lol! but i think the ‘realism’ of the world really helps, and i def think this was incorporated more into HIStory 2, which i’m really glad about...
overall, this is a relatively harmless series & is actually quite sweet at times... the kiss is awkward as fuck tho (there, i said it lol...)... it suffers the same forgetability as right or wrong tho... 
2) Crossing the Line (/Boundary Crossing) (HIStory2) -
ok, so here’s a series i 100% love & totally agree with the hype around lol! i hav no interest in volleyball (or any sports tbh), but the way this show handles the friendships and dynamics between the characters is really well done, especially for a series that’s only 8 episodes long! i also really love that none of the characters really fall into any stereotypes (which is a great improvement from HIStory1 i can tell u lol), and are given the space to actually have some growth & nuance at times?! 
(nuance? in MY HIStory series?? it’s more likely than you think!)
the main couple have really amazing chemistry, and the way they get together doesnt feel too out of place or that it’s going to fast, it just sorta flows really nicely... even the side couple are pretty well done (though i wasnt that big into them on my first watch, just cos the whole overbearing older brother thing was kinda annoying... i liked them more as the series went on tho...)
i kinda dont have any major complaints? which is bizarre cos i always hav complaints about things lol... maybe my complaint would be that they all look way too old and attractive to be whatever teenage age they’re supposed to be lol... (but tbh that doesnt take anything away from the story so i’ll forgive them lol...)... i think maybe i wouldnt consider it my favourite because the story line didnt grab me like the number 1... but i really cant fault it in terms of what it delivers lol, legit such a well put together series!
1) Trapped (HIStory3) -
lol i think anyone who’s been following me for the past few months aren’t in the slightest bit surprised this is my number one... i just love it too much lol!
from the incredibly well written and well acted characters, to the interesting and engaging (even if a bit ridiculous) plot, to the beautifully told romance , it really has it all doesn’t it!!! & i think even if this wasnt an enemies to lovers thing (aka one of the most godtier of all fanfic tropes), there’s so many things going for this series that make it worth watching! i have a few complains about editing choices and a few bad trope plot points which were just unnecessary (plus the fact we missed out on a lot of background info on some major characters lol...), but like despite everything this series rly struck a chord with me deep down in my soul lol
i could go waaay more into detail (and maybe i will one day lol... tho not rn, i’m v tired), but the gist of the matter is: i really love trapped lol
(conclusion)
Even though i’ve complained quite a bit here, i am so grateful for the HIStory series’ for bringing really interesting, and a little mad, stories with gay characters and story lines, with a big emphasis on happy endings! there are so many lgbt stories/characters in things that end up dying or just have bad endings, which just sends this horrible message that lgbt people aren’t worthy of having happy endings, which is completely untrue! 
So i look forward to future HIStory’s, even if some of them are gonna be bad (& maybe none will live up to the trapped!shaped bullet firmly lodged in my heart lol)
fin~
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Send me a “🖊+an OC“ and I will talk about that OC! It can be a headcanon, a fun fact, a small paragraph of backstory- anything!Alternatively, send in just a “🖊“ and I will talk about any one of my OCs at random!
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You sendin’ 20 pencils? you gettin’ 20 ocs. You asked for this.
1. Sileves
I love Sileves, I love her big generous heart and how eagerly she accepts friends of her children and her husband as honorary family members. I wish I could talk more about her job as a healer because she takes such immense pride in it and she is what I would want any nurse or doctor to be; so caring and patient and kind.
2. Methenor
Methenor is a soft boi hidden under layers of icy indifference, sarcasm and dry etiquette and I love it. He cares for his family so much ;-; And like I feel incredibly bad for him because no wonder he’s cold as ice when pretty much his entire family left him in Rivendell; His parents sailed, his older sister is who knows where, his younger brother ran for Lothlorien and now his only son left him too.
3. Malgelir
Chirpy social butterfly with a small bit of a ��ME FIRST” complex towards her siblings. Malgelir always wanted to get married and have a child, and the fact that she did so before her siblings does make her prouder than she probably should be. Thankfully this isnt out of pure malicious intent because I don’t think she ever had an evil thought in her life.
She also cares so much about her hubby and her son ;-; i cry
4. Rhoscthel
Fun fact I aint got a single clue about what goes into fashion design and yet here Rhoscthel is being a tailor. Send help. Plz. I’m making this up as I go and I just hope nobody notices I’m bluffing my way through anything that takes half a glance at her skill as a tailor.
I also wish I knew how people Actually Flirt TM because Rhos is supposed to be a charming she-elf with bargaining powers that could almost rival Caranthir’s but idk anything about either flirting or haggling. The woes of an introvert trying to play a socially savvy extrovert TM
5. Amathel
With Amathel I’ve been contemplating switching her social status of engaged to married but Amathel kind of has concerns and worries about the act of getting married so idk how to really.. change her status? Like should I just change it or drabble it or..
Like it’s not that she doesnt want to be married to Lagoron, she loves him very dearly, but there’s certain expectations that comes with having a wedding especially as a highly valued member of the Rivendell guard.
Idk I kinda want to dive more into the complex nature of her always wanting to be on top and number one in her class despite the fact that she has a lot of… performance anxiety, I guess you could call it?
She doesnt like to be put on the spot or even necessarily in the spotlight even though she has an ambitious drive and is always looking to improve as a guard.
6. Innith
With Innith I’m kinda having the opposite problem I do with Rhoscthel. I don’t get to use her much because she’s a shy, introverted scholar who would really only want to interact with coworkers and patrons of the library in Rivendell; and unfortunately there’s not a lot of those muses around.
this is very much me asking you to throw Pan at her sometimes I think they could be fun together plz
I’m also a bit sad the one ship I had for her has long since sailed away. F/F ships are so hard to come by.
7. Nethel
You would think I have a similar problem with Nethel like I do with Innith but since Nethel is such a drastically different character I actually dont find it hard to find interactions for her lol. People seem to be rather drawn to her even though she’s brutally blunt. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Nethel is a lot like Feanor just minus the genius linguistic part. 
Plus while Nethel is cooped up in her workshop most of the time she does need to come out and tend to her biological needs like eating, bathing, sleeping, much to her dismay as she has little patience for small talk.
Aside from that I think most of the muns I toss her at are aware that she’s a deeply insecure person under all that brutal facade, and people generally seem to have a little more patience with a character like that? like idk, just something I noticed. 
8. Miston
Honestly without Miston this blog wouldnt exist and I wouldn’t be here to gush about all my characters, so needless to say Miston is incredibly important to me. I feel like he has grown as a character a lot since the beginning of this blog but that he has also remained true to the description I give him in his about section. He is still a character who doesn’t like sharing his feelings and rather deflect them, ignore them entirely or distract you with conversations about literally anything else.
Miston is very near and dear to my heart.
9. Eredhon
Baby. Precious soft child. Eredhon is such a sweetheart and it’s truly thanks to a lot of brainstorming with @legolasgoldy that he has been crawling out of his shell because for quite a while I myself didnt even know all that much about Eredhon.
He is a soft, gentle soul with a lot of deep running emotions and his social anxiety can definitely play cruel tricks on him, but with the right support system he blossoms into a very sweet and devoted friend who will always try to help you through any emotional problems. He’s also a lot more emotionally intelligent than I originally gave him credit for. He’s usually paired with social butterflies (see Malgelir) because he does get those type of characters to kind of.. relent the walls they build around themselves and let him see the emotional struggles they tend to ignore
He’ll also never apologises for feeling his emotions. He’ll apologize for snapping, for raising his voice, for letting his anxiety drive him up a wall and for anything that deserves an apology, but he won’t apologize for feeling sad or anxious or happy or in need of comfort.
10. Calithilon
I’ve been thinking about aging canon Cali up to at least a talkative elfling because honestly because he is so young in canon I haven’t really gotten a chance to use him all that effectively in the main storyline.
Most of Cali’s development comes from modern aus with @hclliish where he’s a teen, dating her Sleipnir (another precious child, just not one of mine lol)Cali takes after his mom in looks and unfortunately for him after his dad in personality, making him a rather shy and quiet person with a lot of insecurities. Being born to two singers makes him a natural singer as well, and his voice is higher in tone than that of his father.
Despite being an anxious teen (because when is puberty ever kind) he does find a lot of comfort in his parents unconditional love for him. They’re a very solid parents-child unit tbh.
11. Lagoron
Another character that I don’t get to use all that much, which is unfortunate because I find Lagoron an incredibly funny and interesting character. He’s a very un-elvish elf, in fact he’s more a hobbit in an elven disguise. While also being a guard, he is an entirely different type than Amathel; where Amathel yearns to be the best and the strongest, Lagoron is a team player who believes in the strength of numbers and strong bonds between guards to drag them through the most difficult situations; and that hasn’t exactly made him the top performer of the class. 
He is however truly the kind of person you want on your team, and in a fight he’s surprisingly endurant and likely to exhaust his opponent by focusing on dodging their power attacks rather than wasting his energy in fighting back.
Always has food on him and will offer it to anyone he feels like stricking up a friendly conversation with. 10/10 good friend.
12. Hinnoron
Hinnoron is definitely more of the tradtional elf. He’s radiant, and ethereal, and pleasant to be around. He also has a natural calmness about him and a certain kind of wisdom. Y’know, typical Tolkien Elf TM stuff.
Hinnoron gets interesting when you dive into his deeper relationships. His relationship with his eldest sister is on a very low pit, and the one he has with Methenor has definitely taken some blows. When Gelwenil left to follow the stars, Methenor got rather clingy towards Hinnoron, who felt suffocated in return.
Hinnoron left for Lothlorien, and to this day regrets that he abandoned Methenor when Methenor was clearly struggling with the departure of their parents and their sister. While they have mended their bond since, this kind of guilt does seem to creep into his relationships with Haldir ( @thehiddenhero ) and Oropher ( @oropherrrrr ) He often doesn’t tell them when things about the relationship upset him and bottles his emotions up to an unhealthy degree, all because he fears of upsetting their feelings or even damaging the image they have of him if he’s not the perfect, ethereal and unconditionally supportive partner. For someone who gives love so easily and unconditionally, he seems to have a hard time believing that the love he receives doesn’t come with the condition that he has to be a perfect lover or it’ll be revoked.
Someone plz teach him that he’s allowed to have needs and that he’s allowed to have those needs tended to.
13. Gelwenil
Ah yes. The lost one. Well no, not lost, she knows exactly where she’s going but nobody else does. Gelwenil honestly never meant to upset Methenor or Hinnoron when she left to follow the stars. Like Methenor was definitely struggling when his parents left for Valinor, but in retrospect Gelwenil left several years after that. Maybe not enough for him to have healed and moved on, but I don’t blame her for thinking that with his wife, children and their youngest brother Methenor would have enough of a support net to justify her wanting to explore the skies.
Gelwenil is an avid believer in the power of Varda, and also deeply respects Tilion and Arien. Any type of celestial Maia can be expected to be treated with the deepest respect from her.
Out of all my characters Gelwenil deserves the most TLC tbh I feel like she’s underdeveloped compared to everyone else because I dont use her a lot.
14. Faerveren
Uuuugh I miss Faerveren so much. Mistons second cousin twice removed, and probably the only person to ever leave him flabbergasted and when Miston is the voice of reason in a duo, you know somethings up.
Faerveren is also an interesting character because with her I wanted to present the idea of people assuming you’re always emotionally fine as long as you’re physically strong enough to be virtually invincible.
15. Nengelon
Local edition of the “I’m so fucking done with this shit I don’t get paid enough to deal with” club, together with Feren and Lindir. Nengelon tends to fall into an elven variety of Welsh when he runs upset with the leader of the Sabaid elves, and just about no one knows what he’s saying.
There’s also the implication that he basically ran away from the Riunnag (waterelves, maybe related to the Teleri through distant blood but sources (ie me) dont confirm that yet so its just rumors) tribe he belonged to because of his secret romantic ties to said leader, but Nengelon doesn’t speak of his romantic outings to anyone so it’s just a rumor.
16. Braigon
Ah, big, bulky, burly, 7 foot something Sabaid leader Braigon. Rides a grizzly bear as a warmount, wields a gigantic twohanded battle axe, and is an absolute terror on the battlefield… when he bothers to get his tribe of warrior travelers involved. Braigon tends to stroll around like he owns the place, because not many dare to defy this mountain of an elf.
Maybe thats why people are so bewildered when 5′9 sized Nengelon curses him out on his bullshit in some incomprehensible tongue they don’t know.
Braigon is actually a pretty solid leader of a tribe where elves can pretty much do as they please as long as they do their job as either warrior or provider (finding food and other supplies) outstandingly. The Sabaids aren’t a big tribe, there’s only a couple hundred of them, but they make for fantastic allies… but only if you can manage to convince Braigon to risk any of his people in any given war; and he usually isn’t concerned with fighting the battles of others for them without a good reason. 
 17. Bereneth
Bereneth is an interesting case. An accident between a Sinda lady and a Noldo refugee, at a time when those relationships weren’t exactly accepted after the reign of destruction left by the line of Finwe. (I like to believe thats something that took a generation or two for elves to get over dont @ me.)
Because of this, Bereneth was relentlessly bullied to the point where as soon as the oppertunity rose, her mother left for then newly settled Rivendell. Being under the rule of Elrond, she figured her daughter would be safe there. Bereneth remained there and bore three children to Carandolon and sailed to Valinor when their daughter in law was pregnant with her first child
18. Carandolon
Chieftain of a squadron while Greenwood was under the rule of Oropher, Carandolon was a bright eyed and wanderlust filled soul, born to two fullblooded Silvan elves. When on a mission to Rivendell, where he had to accompany a diplomat, he saw Bereneth and for him it was love at first sight.
When the mission was over and he returned to Greenwood, he immediately requested to be dismissed from his chieftain status and to be allowed to move and live to Rivendell.
A reckless and bold move, and it did take him a while to woo Bereneth, but they ultimately fell in love, got married, and had three children. He sailed with his wife when their daughter in law was pregnant with her first child
19. Nemiron
The missing link that connects Miston to the line of Finwe. Nemiron is the bastard son of Írimë and an unknown father of Vanyarin descent. Nemiron lost complete vision in his right eye when the healer tent he worked at got raided by the enemy in that war; and he threw himself as a shield between the blade and the wounded soldier it was aiming for.
During the war, he was usually found in the company of either Finrod or Edrahil, as he needed help to adjust to his new lack of depth perception. Sometimes during that same war, he left to settle in Lothlorien, where he met the weaver apprentice Dillothés. They married and moved to Rivendell as a position for an experienced healer was open there, and they had their family there.
Nemiron remained in Rivendell, despite yearning to sail, for the sake of his only daughter, and he ultimately sailed for Valinor when she was pregnant with her third child.
I havent decided if the power of Valinor heals Nemiron’s injury, but if it does (and I doubt it), it would do so only partially. His right eye will never be 100% functional.
20. Dillothés
The third and last born daughter of her parents, Dillothés worked as a weaver’s apprentice in Lothlorien before moving up to becoming a weaver of her own, selling her selfmade fabrics to tailors and others interested and making a comfortable living out of it
She became infatuated with Nemiron, who was often found in the library studying Lothlorien native herbs to aid in his small healer practice. After she learned of his injury she never backed away from him once, and helps and supports him to the best of her ability. This remains the case when they went to Valinor and whether or not he partially heals from his injury
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tumblunni · 5 years
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An underrated good part of Maddiman's characterization that makes him both more redeemable and more terrifying is how he genuinely does not seem to know that what he is doing is evil.
Like in yokai watch 3 he sounds genuinely confused that the three turtle yokai wouldnt want to be "improved" by being fused together. He genuinely cared about them and apparantly treated them quite well because they loved him too and didnt want to leave even though they didnt want to fuse together. And all it took to get him to stop was someone simply explaining why this was bad, which he was completely surprised by yet also instantly trusted and believed even though you were someone he'd only just met and had no reason to believe was trustworthy. Like he's just so goddamn nice and friendly like that??
Seriously its so interesting how his personality manages to be so ridiculously ludicrously cute and nice even when he's doing mad science doom! And i think its interesting cos it feels like they had to develop him this way in order to get him to become the complex character they wanted in yw2, when all the evidence seems to point to that not being planned at the time of yw1. Seripusly he acts so OOC when you look at it in retrospect! Justa generic scary doctor minion of mckraken, and clearly didnt have the backstory planned cos why would a human yokai join the anti human group? But this strange personality duality allows them to retroactively make it more in-character to this new character they made for him, without needing to retcon anything.
Like when you look back on it, you could kinda reinterpret his yw1 appearance through that lens? Maddiman is a nice dude but he gets easily obsessed with his experiments and seems to have a blind spot where he forgets that they dont seem so great to everyone else. Everyone would enjoy being my experiment, they could become super powerful and also part of important history in the field of science! Fwahahaha! And while i am doing the totally not evil thing of cutting out a child's heart to shove in my ultimate weapon and turning his discarded corpse into a yokai, i may as well mess around and do some ~ultimate theatrical hamminess~ to make it fun for the lil guy! *big innocent eyes* *"you are the villain of this story" flies right over his head, ignored*
I mean in yw2 he doesnt even seem to be mad at Nate/Katie over what happened last time, even though he does seem to remember them. (Saying "that boy/girl again" when talking about them defeating Hans) Instead he's just frightened that someone broke into his laboratory, and then annoyed that they ended up setting Hans on themselves cos of their own damn fault. Like he was never planning to attack you at all if you hadnt bumbled into that mistake! And in Medal Wars he literally just says "oh hello good morning" when you walk into his lab, and you initiate the fight with him instead of simply explaining 'hey maddiman whoops you accidentally caused a blackout, i see your experiment is over now so maybe you could unplug your machine and fix things?" Srsly like 90% of all maddiman related problems could probably be resolved with 'hey mr orb dad could you please not do the bad?" "Oh wait i was doing a bad? I had no idea, sorry!"
And its also really good how this is a character trait thats generally rather absurd and goofy, but also when you think about it it makes sense with his tragic backstory. "I'll do something extreme and ridiculous rather than the logical conclusion, with seemingly no awareness that this choice is foolish and self destructive, and also this could be resolved if i simply talked about my problems with someone who could set me straight" is played for drama in his past, and it becoming a recurring comedic character trait is a good way of making it sorta like..integrated into his personality, all realistic like.
I dunno i just feel like they put a lot of depth into this random joke/coverup for a retcon. And it makes him pretty unique! And also pretty versatile cos honestly in any future game they could probably put maddiman inthe role of ally or antagonist for any quest ever, and itd always make sense every time. He's left open for a lot of accidental misunderstandings even after he's turned good,just cos thats who he is. He's mr supergenius with absolutely zero common sense!
Also i feel like "dont worry, experimenting on people isnt bad!" is possibly an extension of how reckless and self destructive he was as a human. I mean we're told he worked so hard he lost his family, worked so hard He wore the same clothes for weeks, starved himself, never slept, literally drove himself to death because of this. Feels like "dont worry i can replace sleep with caffeine" was the first step in "dont worry i can replace my no longer beating heart with this supernatural IV drip" and "dont worry i can fix literally everything wrong with everyone whether they want me to or not"...
I dunno maybe im thinking too deep into this, but thats kinda my job as a Certified Grandpa Analyst (note: may or may not be a job that exists)
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mellohyi · 3 years
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i fucking hate my parents middle finger emoji /srs
theres a whole vent under the cut thats long i just gotta get this shit off my chest
oh yeah and if im missing any tags lmk, idk what tags i might need
how are you gonna go and tell your child (who is already dying because you yelled at them for not finishing food even though they quite literally found it repulsive to eat because of how it looked and they already tried to eat some anyways) they are FUCKING FAKING THEIR PROBLEMS.
im sorry i dont present the same way as my amab autistic cousin or something???? im sorry i only felt comfortable sharing it now after researching it and finally FUCKING understanding HOW THE FUCK I FUNCTION??????
fucking all that progress getting help and for what. if you are fucking reacting like that over me physically not being able to eat something because the way it looked physically repulsed me i wonder how long you were keeping that to yourself. i wonder if you only agreed to see a doctor because i was annoying you with it, and not because you were finally starting to understand where i was coming from.
i. i fucking got bullied for YEARS because of stuff i couldnt even control about myself. and you wanna go ahead and tell me those things are only a 'manifestation of me reading into it' and not actually an issue. right. i had to fucking be someone i was not for MOST OF MY FUCKING LIFE. AND YOU WANT TO GO AHEAD AND TELL ME IM ONLY SUDDENLY BEING LIKE THIS BECAUSE I READ ABOUT IT. IM SORRY FOR TRYING TO FIX IT MYSELF SO I COULD BE THE CHILD YOU WANTED. IM FUCKING SORRY I GUESS. SHOULDVE BEEN LIKE MY COUSIN WHEN HE WAS ONE FOR YOU TO ACTUALLY BELIEVE ME I GUESS. SORRY I DONT FUCKING PRESENT TO YOUR STANDARDS I GUESS.
my mum. my mum said shes not believing me until my gp says its an issue. she said shes not 'buying it until a doctor says it'. fun fucking fact!!! the problem exists before you see a fucking doctor!!! the reason why you fucking go to see the doctor is, shocker, because YOU HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM. fuck off if you are seriously going to say that shit i might as well say you dont have depression unless i hear it come from a fucking doctor. no fucking wonder she got post partum depression after i was fucking born. no. fucking. wonder.
if there wasnt a problem i wouldnt have been referred to camhs by my gp or to some place to be assessed by camhs. if anything im shocked camhs even referred me somewhere, last time they just said im depressed and then discharged me. they didnt even provide me anything other than 'you said you are suicidal. are you suicidal? are you going to hurt yourself?' and thats fucking it. i couldve gotten help months ago if my school did something but they forgot about it the first time and the second time also told me its not an actual problem and i just need to study more.
my parents even told me im just making it up. as if i dont already think that. ive struggled with not knowing what was wrong with myself for years. and even then i still told myself i was being ridiculous and couldnt actually feel that way. the problems didnt just suddenly appear because i read about it. ive been a really picky eater my whole life, ive just learnt how to hide it over time because of you always telling me 'this isnt a restaurant' and other shit like that. but no, go ahead and tell me that my cousin would only eat toast and compare me to that. ignore the fact you made me feel like i needed to hide how i felt.
i used to struggle a lot with following rules and i always felt like i had to follow them perfectly and so did everyone else. so i guess im sorry for not lashing out at school and being disrupted as a child? even though i did almost hurt someone as a result of all the bottled up anger i had as a result and only realised i was about to hurt them when someone found me, thats a whole different story though i guess. im sorry for not presenting how you expected me to present even though its LITERALLY CALLED A SPECTRUM FOR A REASON??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
also telling me im only just suddenly hating textures is dumb please dont tell me you have forgotten the phase i had where i literally exclusively wore leggings because any other pants felt gross... and struggling to buy me jeans for years because they all made me feel gross... because thats kinda embarassing of you <3 try harder to fakeclaim my issues next time!!
oh and dont give me some donut type thing to say sorry for yelling at me <3 your actions are not forgiveable and im never going to forgive you. i forgave you easily when you guys used to hit me and stuff but im not being lenient anymore x
i mean if you pay for ranboo merch when it drops tomorrow like that one time you bought me a sims 4 expansion pack when it dropped because you knew i was excited for it and you had pretty much beaten me up the day before,,, i'll consider it (/j it genuinely isnt forgivable and theres no exceptions buddy,,, but you can still buy me merch!)
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kingofattolia · 6 years
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a list of things about Star Wars: The Last Jedi
TLJ felt like watching two completely separate movies. .. .  one i deliriously LOVED and one i spit upon and shake its profane dust off my sandals
THE GOOD
“ive got an urgent message for General Hux” “YOUR REBELLION IS DOOMED” “yeah... im holding for General Hux”
it straight up took me a minute and a half of this scene to figure out this was actually the start of the movie. it felt like one of those pre-movie skits where it seems like a movie but then anthropomorphic M&Ms tell you to turn your cell phone off. was it just me or were there a LOT more comic moments in TLJ compared to almost every other star wars movie? anyway i loved it even tho it gave the movie a slight someone-made-this-while-high-on-LSD feel 
Leia USING THE FORCE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
R2 playing Luke the “you’re my only hope” recording of Leia, i almost died
FORCE SHENANIGANS. we saw more powerful, dramatic, and varied uses of the Force in TLJ than we have ever before seen in a live action media and i was L I V I N G
“you’ve closed yourself off from the Force”
Rey and Kylo’s foRCE BOND TALKING like this.. . . is so interesting .. .  and it wasn’t only Snoke doing it because they did it again after he’s dead...
Rey lifting 30 giant fricken boulders without even breaking a sweat after having one (1) single “training” session
Kylo remotely activating Anakins lightsaber
projecting himself........ across the entire galaxy. . ..
Yoda. in the former EU the Force ghosts had a non-negotiable expiration date a certain time after their deaths. Obi-Wan couldnt just come back and visit Luke forever, he faded away at some point. is this no longer true??? DOES THIS MEAN ANYONE CAN COME BACK IF THEY WANT??? why was yoda so physical even as a ghost that he could whack luke on the head
summoning lightning like alright this is a new Jedi power im adding to my arsenal
Leia’s mary poppins action
Luke vaulting across the cliff to stab fish
POE'S CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT he turned from a kamikaze into a leader who's able to see the big picture and walk away, im so proud
everyone..... messing with Hux...... i loved this
Snoke smacking him into the floor
Kylo smacking him into the wall
Kylo force choking him
slowly taking gun out. . . . . HES AWAKE ABORT ABORT... slowly putting gun back . . . Hux is going spend every waking moment wishing he took that shot
Finn's character arc, like what an awesome Slytherin. the contrast between him and the codebreaker 👌👌👌👌 & where he makes the choice REBEL scum 👌👌👌
LET'S GO, CHROME DOME
i cant believe Phasma died again lol. her backstory novel was SO DRAMATIC and she just dies over and over
when Kylo does that little skid out into the hallway to look for Rey
Chewy breaking down Luke's door
when Luke kisses Leia on the forehead . . . .
kylo KILLING SNOKE I AM LITERALLY SO HAPPY. I AM SO HAPPY. IM SO
this had to happen, it was so obvious but i didnt think they would actually do it, Snoke was so boring and useless, i am SO GLAD they didnt drag him out..... I AM SO HAPPY HES DEAD
it was truly awesome... i couldnt stop grinning it seeing it the 2nd time... "I CANNOT BE BETRAYED, I CANNOT BE BEATEN, I CAN SEE HIS MIND" & then he narrates the entire process of Kylo killing him i was LIVING. everyone theorized for so loooooong and so hard about what form Snoke's control over Kylo took and how it would be possible for him to break it,, , , and then he just DOES IT JUST LIKE THAT by SHEER MISDIRECTION FOLKS I AM SO ALIVE
THE TEAM UP FIGHT
i love lightsaber fights so much i would very nearly give up my critical integrity for a single awesome duel and this was,,, so awesome
when Rey drops her lightsaber to catch it again and cut that guys knees out from under him
when Snoke is cut in half and then the lightsaber rockets towards Kylo and Rey's hand SHOOTS INTO THE FRAME to catch it 👌👌👌
when Kylo takes on FOUR OF THEM AT ONCE
"THE SUPREME LEADER IS DEAD" "long live. . . the supreme leader .. "
not gonna lie, i am such a huge fan of supreme leader!Kylo. CAN HE EVEN LEAD ANYONE??? DOES HE HAVE THE CAPABILITY?? HONESTLY WHAT DOES HE WANT TO DO? WHAT WILL HIS SELF-DIRECTED MISSION BE? VADER NEVER GOT TO BE ANYTHING BUT AN ATTACK DOG, WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING TO HAPPEN
I HONESTLY HAVE NO IDEA BUT IM SO HYPE TO FIND OUT
THIS IS BRAND NEW
"finn! rose! you're not dead! where's my droid"
the little slave kids from Canto Bight. did the kid at the end use the Force to pull his broom!??!
"that library did not contain anything the girl Rey does not already possess" Yoda thinks hes so funny. REY STOLE THE LIBRARY LMAO... thanks Rey... im glad someone around here has a brain...
the Falcon swooping in to draw off the TIEs on Crait
"OH, THEY HATE THAT SHIP"
Vice Admiral Holdo's lightspeed kamikaze. . . aside from the drama of the moment & making Hux look stupid, just visually it was awesome
absolutely every single thing said by either Hux or Kylo in Kylo's command shuttle above Crait
"i want every gun we have to fire on that man"
"blow that PIECE OF JUNK oUT OF THE SKY"
when kylo's like "concentrate all fire on the speeders" and then Hux immediately shrieks "CONCENTRATE ALL FIRE ON THE SPEEDERS" and Kylo looks at him like 🤔
"do you think you got him?"
when Luke faces Kylo
WHEN LUKE FACES KYLO
this scene makes the movie for me honestly. as of now im in a state of uneasy ceasefire with TLJ and the sequel trilogy as a whole. if the scene of Luke facing Kylo did not exist, TLJ would probably be dead to me
"did you come to SAVE MY SOUL" "no."
absolutely everything about Luke was so completely epic in this scene. even though he barely said anything, even the way he stood was epic. im not sure how Hamill did this but it was everything i ever wanted
"i failed you, Ben. I'm sorry." "i'm sURE YOU ARE"
the contrast between Kylo's fighting stance and Luke's
when Luke steps out from the massive cloud and duSTS OFF HIS SHOULDER
this fills me with so much pure glee i could literally ascend
"if you strike me down in anger, i'll always be with you. like your father."
the slow, dawning horror when Kylo starts realizing Luke's not actually there
"see you around, kid"
"SEE YOU AROUND, KID"
"SEE YOU AROUND, KID"
my favorite line in the WHOLE THING i could Scream
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHH
"SEE YOU AROUND, KID"
when Rey slams the door in Kylo's face
THE BAD
Luke should have LIFTED HIS X WING OUT OF THE WATER WITH THE FORCE AT SOME POINT GOSH DARN. i knew from the moment we saw the submerged x wing that this moment was meant to happen.... but then it DIDN’T. like PLEASE. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO GOOD I NEED TO SEE THIS
the casino subplot. . .  it was awesome for Finns character development but couldn’t he have developed character over an actually materially relevant story arc.. . .
BB-8 didn’t fight Dark BB-8 like what the hell honestly
for what earthly reason does Kylo need to wear his pants up to his armpits. is he TRYING to look like a doofus
why wasn't Lando the master codebreaker. like quite frankly, give me one good reason. why. no. there are no good reasons. when is Lando going to come into it you cowards
honestly....... what the FRICK was that horrible backstory behind what caused Kylo to turn
WHAT THE FRICK
im trying to keep my cool but this is a huge, enormous, and vital problem i have with this movie and whoever came up with that should be shot
Luke, in a brief moment of insanity, ignited his lightsaber over his sleeping nephew's bed to assassinate him because of a vision
LUKE SKYWALKER the guy who wouldnt believe that DARTH VADER, ENSLAVER OF WORLDS, SLAUGHTERER OF CHILDREN, MASS MURDERER OF THOUSANDS, was a lost cause and who refused to kill him, TRIED TO KILL HIS APPRENTICE IN HIS SLEEP
like... do you see my problem?
character assassination. it is ludicrously greater-than-Anakin Skywalker levels of overreaction to a Force premonition that Luke would see a vision of darkness and instantly move to slice his sleeping, defenseless nephew in half, and even in Luke's version of the story Luke is legitimatly the bad guy. he brought about the future he was afraid of, just like Anakin
because of this background, every interpretation is blown wide open to reasonably see Kylo as the victim and Luke's actions as those of a villain. of course he had to defend himself? it's legitimately possible to construe the subsequent killing of the other students as self-defense as well. if they wake up to find Ben having "killed" Luke? anything could have happened, Kylo could honestly have done barely anything bad up to this point and have been driven to the dark side on that one night
it's going to take.... so much work.... to walk this back. obviously Kylo's a villain now, because of what he's chosen to do since then, but for Luke to come out of this not looking like trash, they would have to provide SO MUCH more backstory including the "dark" things Kylo had done to make Luke suspect him, and have him probably be actively seeking darkness while under Luke's tutelage. and then Luke still seems like a fool and a betrayor
maybe they WANT Luke to come off as a legitimately bad person? i've seen some interpretations of TLJ as tearing down "legends" by showing everyone as flawed people, teaching the lesson of not deifying people to Rey AND the audience as well. if thats true and they actually want me to believe Luke is not worth believing in, i'm sorry but i reject that
luke skywalker is not a bad person
rey said "you didnt fail Kylo, Kylo failed you" WHICH... its true that Kylo failed in all his actions after this. but if this is the unmitigated truth about what happened that day, Luke definitely failed Kylo, thats not really arguable
i spit this backstory out of my mouth and stomp on it
bye felicia
"the legacy of the jedi is failure and hypocrisy. at the height of their power they allowed darth sidious to come to power and wipe them out" ok true. "it was a jedi master who was responsible for the training and creation of darth vader" YOU TAKE THAT BACK
a related point..... Luke is a coward.
i'm not saying that the only kind of Luke i would accept is HEROIC LEGEND LUKE WHO BURSTS FORTH FROM HIS ISOLATION AND SINGLE HANDEDLY DEVASTATES THE FIRST ORDER. but at the same time, his isolation is NOT in any way comparable to Obi-Wan's. "i came here to die" ok buddy.
dying is all well and good, hiding from your failures, being broken for a while after taking a hit like that
what i am NOT able to forgive is how he abandoned Leia
???? the frick???
"so many losses, i can't take any more" "sure you can" STORY OF LEIA'S LIFE
"im from the resistance, your sister Leia sent me" boy when she says jump you better say "how high?" honestly YOU OWE IT AT LEAST TO YOUR GUILT TO DO THAT FOR HER
HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE? SHE'S ON HER OWN DEALING WITH EVERY PROBLEM IN THE WHOLE GALAXY AND HE'S DOING WHAT? YOU'RE TELLING ME LUKE WOULD HAVE ABANDONED HIS SISTER LIKE THAT??? AND WHEN SHE SPECIFICALLY ASKS FOR HIM HE SAYS "no frick u" ?!?!?
if that's Luke Skywalker then Luke Skywalker is a useless coward
that is not Luke Skywalker
honestly everything Rey said was spot on "Leia sent me here with hope. if she's wrong then she deserves to know why. we all do"
the overall thesis of the sequel trilogy seems to be "there's no point to any of this"
a powerful student turns to the dark side and destroys the Jedi Order. an authoritarian regime destroys the republic and takes over. a small band of resistance fighters rallies against great odds. a Force sensitive from a desert planet teaches herself the Force from old Jedi books after her teacher evaporates into the Force after teaching like 1 lesson. everyone Leia loves dies
guys... i'm tired
it's just exhausting. what is the point? in the sequel trilogy we've seen the republic destroyed, the resistance decimated and harried from place to place until theyre down to 12 people on the millennium falcom. there's only one movie left. they're going to come back from nothing and destroy the first order and then smile at each other in the ashes?
why?>??? what are they going to do? build a republic again? is rey going to build a new jedi order? we've seen how that worked out
there's nothing to believe in here. HOPE is such a strong theme in the sequel trilogy. "as long as there's light we've got a chance" "leia sent me here with hope" "the galaxy has lost its hope, the spark is out." "hope is like the sun, if you only believe in it when you can see it you'll never make it through the night." like good grief. constantly hammering on the need to have hope, but WHY?
what's the point of defeating the imperials, spending your life trying to build something good in the galaxy, trying to build a family, when you're only going to have to do it all again in your old age, when everyone you love is dead?
i cant see any hope if this is the ending for the OT characters, so i powerfully struggle to care about and cheer for Rey, Poe, and Finn. what's the point in anything they're doing? what's the point in the sacrifices they're making? it might turn out just exactly like it did for Luke, Leia, and Han, spending their old age in loneliness, sorrow, and violence
if this is the way history repeats itself, you probably should just make out like the stuttering codebreaker. "dont join"
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2x03 Thoughts
I’ve finally started my rewatch on s02 (lies, I havent watched most of this season before so this is a first viewing) and I think I’m gonna do a post on each episode after seeing it rather than wait to finish the whole season like I did with s01. This is probably how I’ll operate with s03 as well.
Right, so overall I liked this episode quite a bit. It had many moments I totally adored (spoiler: whenever Magnus was on screen and telling dumbass shadowhunters where to shove it) and it introduced my favourite werewolf lady along with the beginning of one of the relationships I find most interesting on the show. So yeah, a pretty good episode all things considered.
Another thing that it managed to do, which I totally didnt expect, was to make me feel bad for Jace. Like I genuinely felt his desperation and pain in this ep and by the end of it I was rooting for people to just cut him a break already. Something that the whole of s01 didnt make me feel. Good job, episode, good job.
I liked the subplot with Raphael and Simon, mostly because it showed once again how much of a good guy Raphael is and how nobody fucking appreciated it (like father, like son). I mean yeah, he did sort of passive-aggressively used Simon’s mom to threaten him into finding Camille but he also brought her to a nice restaurant and made up a totally fake story about where Simon is so she wouldnt worry and drink herself into an early grave. Not to mention he’s been nothing but helpful since the beginning and making sure these idiots (read Simon) dont get themselves killed and in return got blamed for other people’s messes and blackmailed into doing Clary’s bidding (which may I add, resulted in Camille escaping and landing them in this mess in the first place) so yeah. Stop being dicks to Rapahel 2k18.
Jocelyn gettng told off at every turn was also very nice to see. First by Magnus and then by Jace (who had moooore than enough reason to tell mommy dearest where to shove it). And in general I wish the show would allow more shadowhunters to be called out like that because that was so fucking real and well-deserved?? It left me 😍 for a good 10mins afterwards.
Speaking of the love of my li- I mean Magnus, as usual he was the best part of the episode (you might as well get used to it, he will always be the best part of any episode fro me). Like I said, I loved seeing him going off on those idiots who pissed him off and seeing his devotion and concern for Alec was just heartbreaking (especially when nothing he tried worked in any way). Seeing him lose his cool and lash out was also interesting and my god, the way he dealt with Raj - gggaaah, that was so hot, I cant handle it.
And since we are on the subject, what IS that guy’s deal? I mean he seemed weirdly unconcerned that a fellow shadowhunter was about to die, even a bit gleeful? Does he have some kind of grudge against Alec? Now that I think about it, he was the guy who Izzy attacked to save Meliorn in s01, right? Maybe because of that? Anyway, I’m adding that to his incredible stupidity in deciding it’s a good idea to piss off the High Warlock of Brooklyn.
The last bit that I found interesting was the flashback with Izzy and Alec’s convo about being parabatai with Jace. I found that rather frustrating to be honest because of the implications it seems to give off. Like Alec tells her he cant go through with the ritual and Izzy realises that he’s in love with Jace... and then proceeds to list Alec’s good qualities and telling him he’ll find someone to love him completely someday. Which is nice and all, I guess, but doesnt really follow logically from the previous bit? Like what does Alec getting a new love interest at some point in the distant future have to do with his feelings for Jace now? That doesnt help him with his problem right now! I guess the point she was trying to make was that there are plenty of other guys he can fall in love with later on but he might never find another parabatai again which ok, fair enough. But the implication it gives off that I mentioned really annoyed me is that it treats Alec’s already existing feelings for Jace as less important than some hypotetical feelings he might develop for another person in the future. Which is bullshit. I guess this is the start of the show trying to retcon that Alec was never ~reeeaaally~ in love with Jace and to downplay those feelings as compared to whatever he has with Magnus (kind of hard to do when you keep writing Alec the way you are).
And onto the most annoying (and telling) part of the M@lec subplot so far - the kiss. *sigh* I dont even want to explain my issues with it. Do I need to? Like there cant be someone out there who sees this as a positive moment for the ship, right? I mean if true love’s kiss doesnt bloody work for your couple, then... what else is there to say? Yes, I know it wasnt as simple as that, parabatai blah blah but like come on. Do we really believe that if the writers really wanted to portray M@lec as this epic love story like fandom thinks, they wouldnt have found a way for the kiss to work? Or just did it anyway even if it made no sense at all logically? The fact that Magnus’selfless act of love didnt work but Jace’s did... that just says all there is to say, I think. And dont even get me started on the way it was shot with the literal darkness on screen that made sure there was nothing to see. Just uurh.
Other highlights include:
“Alec is like this because he tried to help me find Clary” - no, he fucking didnt, you lying manipulative woman
“The Clave can be reasoned with, werewolves cant” - ahahahahaAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH
“Our side doesnt kill werewolves” - see above^^ reaction
“I dont like to be rushed” - HOT DAMN
“My phone died, amongst other things” - aah, vampire humour
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decodervon · 4 years
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(Disclaimer: I am writing for myself. I know nothing I can say or do will persuade anyone who reads this in or out of any situation they are in. I come here to take off my kid gloves and let my actual emotions swing. I say whatever I want here, with no filter or expectation of any sort of rebuttal or communication. I do not write to change any opinions, save for that of my own.)
Writing as if I'm talking to you.. helps. I have this.. concept of you.. one that never really existed. And if it did? Only for moments. This idea that you really honestly cared about the thoughts and feelings coming out of me. The concept of wanting to hold my hand and help me sort out what my problems were. Basically how I would act when all the stress and anxiety and panic hit you. I dont exhibit those emotions the same way. THIS is how I have a panic attack. This is how I deal with anxiety. I can feel it welling up, building.. and this is my teapot whistling. This is how I pour myself out. This is self-care. Not just some indirect way to contact you. As I made mention in my disclaimer, this is for me. It's not for you. I dont think you fully understood that this was all a window into my mind. Just for you to peek because I trusted you, and only you, enough to see into my extremely personal thoughts.
So talking to this.. imaginary version of you that still cares about me.. helps. You dont know how to care about me anymore in real life. You gave up on me a while ago. Your actual version of care never went past yourself. Your version of "above and beyond" was sticking around when I was terrible to you. That's not what that is. That was just.. stupidity. I was always wrong to treat you that way, but you were stupid to let me treat you that way. We look back on the timeline and the only thing that broke that? Shock. Leaving me. Helping me understand that you /wouldnt/ stick around through me beating you down emotionally. I was in a place that was so dark, I couldn't even see what I was doing or how I was treating you. You were suppose to be the one to reach into the muck and pull me out by my ears. Instead you let it drag you down with you.
I'm not blaming that all on you, mind you. Two to tango. But it was like trying to put out a fire by waiting patiently for it to die out. That was never going to work. But you arent the type of emotionally intelligent person to know, understand, or figure that out. Sorry. That was always your weakest point. That was something I had to help you develop literally our entire relationship. I'd even say "train" if I was feeling more malicious. Do you understand that I've been this emotionally adept since I was 15? Do you get how hard it is to SEE someone flounder with it a decade later and then have them not believe you know what you're talking about because they just don't understand it? I was right about so much stupid shit it makes me sick. I was right to stop trying after you starting treating me badly. I was right about Tom. I was right about you distancing yourself from me. I was right about you not having faith in me. and even going farther back into our open relationship and thinking you would burn past my boundaries with little to no regard and Kenny. It felt like I was a psychic and no one would believe me.
This is all just idle commentary. This isnt the heart of my anger or where my anxiety stems. These are the facts. You were never good with my emotional things. Sure, youd let me cry into you chest when it all hit, which was correct first step... but that's not the full scope of what an adult needs. Adults need to be reassured. They need to know that you're ready to help them, even if you dont actually. Adults need to be loved and calmed and talked to and made to understand that you'll be there for them when the worst hits. This was how I treated you when things were okay. How I took care of you during your attacks. After nearly all of mine, I was always found wanting. Like I was some sort of.. obstacle. Like taking care of me was a hassle. Like you were doing it only because you felt obligation. I dont know if that's how you actually felt, but it's how you came off. It made me feel like you just wanted me to stop crying because it was annoying. and god. what a feeling that is. not wanting to share your emotions with your significant other because you were scared they resented your feelings. it doesnt matter. I shouldnt have to explain to another grown-ups adult. you should be emotionally capable by 30. you've had a lot of opportunities to practice.
no relationship is without emotional labor. not one. not even the one you're in. you just haven't quite got there yet. you dont know their dark sides, you dont know when the other shoe is going to drop. you keep your walls up, but it's only a matter of time. you will deal with their damages, with their flaws, with everything that makes up that human being because that's what every human being is: a bunch of flaws and merits rolled into one mess. so enjoy your honeymoon phase, because everyday is one day closer to it being gone.
These are tangents. this isnt even why I wanted to talk here. Maybe the lack of emotional intelligence thing. that was one. always so shocked to see I'm hurt or surprised to see that my feelings well up and cause me to burst. that's what new years was. I regret saying anything more to you than "happy birthday". I was in a horrible way. we werent talking. I felt used. I felt like I did back in middle school when the occasional pretty girl would lead me around by the nose until she got bored of me. I felt like you had used me for attention for the last 3 months. letting me plan all the things you never wanted to plan. put in all the effort to try and see you. knowing secretly that you didnt want me, but loved the attention of being wanted. I was so angry. Part of that anger remains.. but not for that reason. That's just the logic of what lead to my explosion on new years. And let me make this clear: this isnt an excuse. I'm not asking for forgiveness. I'm not claiming the devil made me do it. these were my own actions which, even by myself, I am shameful and regretful over. These are the reasons that led up to it. I had just stood up to you and said I didnt want to be treated badly once I realized you were, in fact, doing that. And you were just fine to drop me. you didnt care. you didnt care about any of it. those months and time? you didnt care. so I said monstrous stuff. I said really horrible shit and even when you tried to stop me, i doubled downed on it. I wish I coudlve been logical. i wish your words could reach me while i felt that much anger. but they couldnt. not paired with the feeling that made me most angry: feeling emotional used by a pretty face.
You do understand that sharing my emotional experience isnt easy, right? If I was a good masseuse, it doesnt make massaging take any less effort.. in fact, probably more. Like talking to you, helping you decompress, trying to get you to understand better emotional habits? That was HARD. REALLY HARD. And then for 3 months I tried to have a relationship alone. Why let it drag on if you werent giving me a real chance? This is where I started to figure out where my true anger was coming from.
My true anger is something that time will not change. No matter what happens in our lives, the true anger is a permanent judgement against your character. it's a black mark I cannot forgive. It's a change of perspective in how i see, acknowledge, and respect you. It is the truth. And it all stems from Faith.
"What do you mean?" you ask. My eyes turning away from whatever I had been longing at to face yours, unblinking.
"Faith. It's a simple word with a very complex meaning. Very unique to each person who says it. Like Love or Sex."
"You remember the day I caught you. I came over and sat across from you, much like this. I watched you flail and cry and beg.. I watched you reach for me. In those moments.. You were the most honest you had ever been. In our relationship, perhaps in your life. You gave yourself up and wept. You wept for me to stay. You told me all your secrets and threw yourself to my mercy." I said, looking away mournfully.
"I had never.. seen such honesty." my tears teared up as I kept talking,
"I didnt know how to approach it, as angry as I was. I was so mad.. but seeing you be... actually honest was... disarming. I had no defense. I saw you for who you were. In all your flaws... in all your pain. You begged me. You exposed yourself and gave me everything and asked for another chance." my tears subsided slowly as I made my small side-glance back to your unwavering eyes.
"Faith. You were honest, but you were honest about being a cheat and a liar. No one in their right mind would want to enter into a bond with a self-admitted liar and cheat. But I had... Faith." the word being almost spit from my mouth, my face gently contorted at the thought.
"If there was one truth I knew about you, it was that you were a hard worker. I had faith that you would take this seriously. I had faith that with your sins laid bare, you could only ascend from that point. And so.. I made a choice." a light shrug followed by the ritual of removing a cigarette from my silver case. a smooth light and a pull later..
"I went against every fiber of my being. every angry bone in my body. every brain cell halting me. I said....'Okay' and that was that." Another long pull and my eyes drifted off to the wall, looking through them to that space that only exists in between everything else.
"And the worst part of all of this? I was right to do it. I watched you turn your entire life around. You started to dance again. you started to work out. and so your body issues became farther and farther away. You started down your burlesque career path. You started looking for better jobs. You found them and you got them. You became the girl I always saw and looked for. I was right to believe you and have faith." a quick laugh and another pull later, I adjusted myself in my seat, shooting a look back at her.
"You werent without mistakes, mind you. you had your stumbles. I couldn't tell you the exacts of them, because that was part of Faith too. It was the idea that I knew you could stumble, but those were to be forgiven if the rest of your progress was noticable enough to warrant it. And it was! You were turning it all around, slowly but surely. Who would I have been to get in the way of your progress by bogging you down at every little thing? I was happy to see you change from this secretive, gaslighting monster into.. into someone happy." the tears streamed down my face faster than I expected. I pulled my cigarette as if fearing the water would put it out. I cleaned myself up quickly, in a meek attempt to conceal it.
"But something we didnt account for was.. how far the damage of betrayal went. It coursed through my veins. it haunted me like a ghost. it STILL haunts me. I was betrayed by who i had loved the most. it was my most venerable covenant with myself. I hated you for it." I took a long drag while looking at her dead on.
"I /hated/ you for it. I was still honestly happy to see you grow and change. but I had a darkness to me that was inconsolable. so much resentment. It was like seeing your favorite, most friendly friend... and knowing they accidentally killed someone over the summer. it was this duality of love and hate. you were my heaven and my hell. I didnt know to negotiate the two." I cashed the end of my cigarette and sat my elbows on my knees, chin on folded hands.
"My true anger. Once it all hit critical mass. once you pushed yourself beyond. after the death. after I started to really abuse your emotions, you measured me. I pushed my last time and much like the man before me, you agreed. I left you and you finally agreed. I was found wanting and it slapped me in the face. In that moment, I saw myself. I finally admitted and saw what I had become. a shadow of myself. a ghost of a kind man grown cold. It was like putting on glasses or a hat that fit. I was shocked. I was cowed. I was ashamed and I was repent. So many feelings at once strangled me and the one that erupted over them all was the loss of you. You were the trigger. You were the harsh truth I needed to hear. I shoot myself through the foot and you were the smoking hole that let me understand I wasnt okay." my eyes looked away shamefully, moving back in my seat. with an uncomfortable adjust, I continued.
"I...begged you. I found myself on the other side of that table, so long ago. caught within my own impulses and my worst behaviors. a victim of my own design. that person i loved and cared for so close and so far. I cried and I pleaded. I admitted my guilt and my sins and threw myself to you like you had shown me." my face contorted in what started as sadness, but transitioned into a crying glare.
"I asked you. with all my shit laid bare. I asked for another chance. I asked for your faith!" my eyes turned away, shaking my head, looking down.
"I dont know why I thought you had the emotional acumen to do what I had done. to give me the honest chance i had given you. hell, I helped develop those skills in you and that was my HARDEST emotional choice. thinking that you would.. that you COULD do that was irresponsible of me. But you said, 'yes.' maybe just to mirror me, maybe because you werent ready to lose me. whatever the reason, you signed a check your heart wasnt ready to cash."
"every misstep I made sent me right back to start. you didn't care that I was making progress. you didnt care I was taking better care of myself or moving towards the things o wanted. none of that mattered. you were done before you knew you were done. you let me.. twist and writhe and letting me make a fool out of myself trying to beg you to allow me the priviledge of courting you. Do you understand how fucked up that is to do to someone you've known for that long who is trying their hardest? I know I had a hard time trusting you originally, but I knew that was /MY/ problem and not yours. I worked on it in my own time and figured it out. you put all of it on me. you FOUGHT ME ABOUT TOM." I was yelling at this point. I tried to calm myself and take a deep breath, but those words rang over and over in my head.
"....you even admitted I was right to think what i thought. that means you admit my warning my legitimate and that means you were wrong to fight me and defend him. that was one of our last fights. and you never realised it wasnt really about him. it was about how you would more likely defend a friend that didnt deserve it, than believe someone who earnestly loved you. you have a Stockholm syndrome with your friendships and I'm tired of pretending you dont. It is not a strength and if you were smart, you wouldnt give away so much power to people you dont fully know. But whatever. I'm not here to advise anymore." another breath. another sigh. the last tirade.
"You gave me a chance without faith. you had no plan to work with me. you had.. no faith in me changing. because you needed me to change in a way that you understood, not in a way that actually benefitted me. Many people have come up to me unprompted to tell me they were impressed by what they had noticed. they still do. they talk about how much better off i am without you. how stronger I am." quiet tears cascaded down. soft, gentle ones. truer than the angry ones.
"...then why dont I feel strong? why dont I feel better off? you didnt.. didnt understand how to have faith in someone. you didnt believe in me. you saw me at my lowest and you turned away from me. all you ever understood was what could benefit you. even now. even with him. it's all about what you can take from it. you're a narcissist. the thing you loved most about me was what I could do for you. how I could take care of you. you monster. you used me. you used my infinite heart and blackened it. I learned nothing from you. that's my true anger. you looked away when I needed you most. you were there for better, but not for worse. I gave you an honest, real chance. what you gave me? it was nothing. I tore your stupid poster down. threw away your stupid clothes. our last talk? you wanting my body and still getting his. I am still the cake you want to eat while already having one. I just exist as someone to take from. I will always exist in your mind as a place to only take. if Death finds you? You will call upon me to take emotional solace. if Chaos finds you? you will call to take stability. I do not exist unless I benefit you. unless I serve. I had served you enough."
everything I was put through after Magnolia was hell. I know I complained about it, but I loved going to Magnolia every time. It was my first home. I loved exploring and going different ways.. seeing my old homes. the old streets. That was where our happiness died.
I forgive you for all the other things, but I can never ever forgive you for losing Faith in me. I forgave you after cheating on me and seeing someone behind my back. you couldnt forgive me after my heart was destroyed and my family died. you are self-centered. In the end, you dont care about others, you just care about how it affects you.
must be nice.
ps. I'm considering leaving her. not for you, but for me. I need something light and meaningless. youd probably fit the bill if you werent so embroiled in your own selfish gains. but I'm sure the feeling of anyone filling up that space in your bed in your wrecked room is good enough. whether you know them for a few months or 8 years.
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