#sorry im just. i have a lot of questions and a lot of internal agony lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lanitaminaj · 2 months

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lapvona 🐑🧺

a story about love, lust, and love.

literalmente based on ottessa moshfegh’s lapvona.

cw: heavy religious themes, mentions of abuse, death, mentions of bodily fluids (just vomit i know im sorry).

armin loved the quiet of the forest.

nothing, save for the occasional birdsong or the swaying of the sycamore trees, manifested to bother him while he prayed.

his ivory knees, jaded with ruby-red scarring and amethyst-purple bruises, pressed against the roughened surface of the cliff's rocky edge. across his view was the waterfall; the constant stream constant, yet hushed. to the right of it, carved naturally by the seasons and time, was the face of Jesus Christ himself.

that's what the sunshine-blond boy found himself praying to every sunday.

he prayed for his mother and father, singing soft hymns to himself as he pictured what he could remember of their soft, doughy faces. he prayed for his grandfather, the knowledge of him being devoured by titans caused a shiver to run down his spine. armin never prayed for himself, because in doing so he'd be committing the third out of the seven deadly sins.

"God has given you what you need," armin could hear pastor erwin's voice ringing in his ears. "God has given you what you deserve. what, my dear child, could you possibly be pesting God for if naut for earthly, petty whims?"

an icy breeze rushed through his tresses. opening his eyes, the lone boy was quick to discover how the once river-blue sky had shifted to that of a tangerine-orange hue. the birds had stopped chirping, their brawny wings streaking through the clouds as they flew.

armin knew he would have to return to his village, his belly rumbling in both hunger for supper and anxious thoughts. desperately wanting to recite a prayer for himself as he would make the short travel back home, he ultimately thought against it. it wouldn't be wise to anger God right when nightfall would arrive soon.

his scrawny, little legs stood up from his knees, his tattered shoes crunching the leaves and twigs under his soles.

his sapphire eyes squinted at the amber lights of his village's torches.

not a lot of villagers remained out, save for a few adults who'd been smoking rosemary cigarettes as they watched the children run around and play.

entering his own home, a tiny home made of ivory cement and olive-green wood finishes, armin shrieked as he felt a smack landing on his right cheek.

"where've you been?" eren's cool, baritone voice questioned. when armin didn't answer, the brunet was quick to give the blond another blow.

"you can't answer me now?" eren hissed, his cyan-blue eyes focusing on how iridescent tears rolled down armin's ballerina-pink cheeks.

"i was with God," armin sniffled, his hand soothing his aching face.

"and you didn't bother to let me know?" eren chastised, his head cocking as he endulged in the other boy's agony. "don't think God would find that pleasing, would he?"

armin anxiously shook his head, his babydoll eyes wide and glossy from his suffering. how pathetic, eren thought. he strode towards him, nonetheless, his lengthier legs pausing right before armin's shaking form. his rough palms cradled the lamb's warm cheeks, a cruel smile emerging on his lips as his tongue peeked out to lick the remaining tear droplets.

salty, eren internally voiced. yet tastes like honeysuckle. there was a sudden swell in his chest, his shoulders subconsciously straightening in pride. he had a certain hunger for seeing the shorter boy like this; a teary mess underneath his hands. his cock hardened at how armin hiccuped, how armin sought the comfort from eren as if these weren't the same hands which tormented him.

"God wouldn't like how my little lamb seems to wander off without his shepard knowing, hm?" eren's voice whispered. his left hand's thumb gently caressed armin's cheek, before his fingers spiraled down to rescue the boy's bottom lip from his own gnawing teeth. "i take care of you," eren purred. "i bathe you, i feed you, i home you. the least you can do is tell me where you're wandering off too."

armin's peach-toned lips wobbled. he felt so stupid, ashamed of how he disappointed not only eren with his insolence, but how he abashed God, too.

"i'm sorry," armin softly cried, his only comfort being a consoling 'good boy' that slipped from eren's lips.

"bed time," the silk of eren's words stated, the warmth of his fingers banishing from armin's face. the blond's shoulders dropped at the loss of affection. "you've had enough fun for the day."

wordlessly, armin found himself in the little space that they deemed a kitchen. in a wooden bucket was days-old rain water, the water in which the blond palmed at after his fingers has rustled through the amber-colored honeypot on the tiny room table. emerging with a mint leaf, he rubbed the plant against his teeth before using the water in his other hand to gargle his throat before he spat it back into the bucket. they would be getting new rain, anyways. it would be raining someday this week according to marco, the town's forecaster.

stepping just five feet into the bedroom, armin stripped himself of his soiled clothes as he tossed it into the pile that eren had already made.

the brunet himself had been laying on the straw-filled mattress, the sheepskin blanket pushed off his bare, sweat-shimmering body. armin joined him, his knees making a dip in the mattress before his body peacefully laid. he could feel eren stir beside him, his soft words of 'goodnight, pet', lulled armin to sleep.

eren had gotten angry again at armin the next morning.

the poor doe couldn't even remember why. all he could recall through his watercolor thoughts was eren throwing a straw-woven basket at his blond head.

not wanting to upset the irate man any longer, armin decided to visit mikasa's little cottage.

his bare feet trudged through her wild-grown lawn, the little bunnies hopping wildly as they sensed his arrival. they leaped away, however, when the baby approached her door to knock.

"mikasa?" his honeyed voice questioned, his darting eyes peering in through her windows to try and spot her.

it didn't take long for her to answer, much to armin's joy. mikasa simply opened her door, her lavender smell dancing through the boy's nostrils.

"hi, baby," mikasa greeted, her right hand reaching up to tuck a few loose, golden strands behind armin's ear. "what's wrong, hm?"

"eren's mad at me," the boy confessed, making sure to widen his eyes to garner extra sympathy. "cause i went to go see God last night."

"why would eren be mad at you for that?"

"cause i didn't tell him," armin's voice trailed off. his ultramarine eyes looked anywhere but mikasa's eyes.

eventually, desperation got the best of him.

"can i come in?" his bambi voice asked. "please? i need you."

"yes, baby," mikasa cooed, widening the door behind her to let the boy in.

the lavender scent, coupled with a whiff of vanilla, grew as armin laid on her wool-textured mattress. he dug his nose into her velvety pillow, his nostrils harshly inhaling every remnant of mikasa.

he could hear the ruffle of her cotton, pearl-white dress. he could feel the dip in weight on the mattress, the boy picturing mikasa on her knees as if they were on the temple's pews. he began wondering what her knees would look like reddened, her pale skin all cherry-blushed as eren commanded her to her knees.

"come 'ere," mikasa adored, rocking the blond in her nurturing arms. "i've got you," she whispered.

armin knew that eren and mikasa fucked occasionally. he pretended he hadn't been conscious during it, feigning sleep when the brunet forced the blond to seek bedding on the wooden-floor. he'd mellow his gentle breathing, the young man trying not to gasp and whine when he'd hear the slaps of eren's pelvic against mikasa's hips. his cheeks would flush, the sounds of mikasa's erotic whines and eren's obscene words caused the poor boy's cock to angrily harden.

in those times, armin felt enraged. he felt maddened at how eren's cock was made to illicit beautiful melodies from mikasa's throat, infuriated at how mikasa was graced with the rage and coarseness that was eren's harsh fucking. it was supposed to be him who'd experience eren's aggressive nature. him who eren's misdirected anger shall be pointed at. him who would endure eren's wrath.

like how God intended.

in an episode of furiousness, armin found himself wanting more.

"can i suck?" armin questioned, his fingers subconsciously fingering the trim of mikasa's dress.

"yes," the young woman simply answered. she pulled the top of her dress down, her pillowy tits out for display. armin's peachy-lips wrapped around one of them, his eyes shutting as he nursed from her as if imitating a newborn doe.

in these little moments, he determined that this was his revenge against eren.

they laid there for a spell, unmoving except with the occasional melody sung and a soft suckle.

armin supposed it must've came natural for the brunette. he hadn't known much, but he was aware of how mikasa had been there for eren after the passing of his mother. he assumed mikasa must've nursed eren like this, too.

that only made armin suck harder, a soft hiss emerging through mikasa's gritted teeth. good.

by nightfall, mikasa had sent armin home with a straw-basket filled with loafs of baked bread, jars of lamb's milk, and freshly plucked figs. she offered a kiss on the side of his cheek, her soft words of "be good for eren, baby," hummed the young boy a goodnight.

armin felt himself getting angry all over again.

arriving home, armin set the basket on the kitchen's counter, carefully examining the tiny home to determine eren's whereabouts.

he wasn't home.

trucking into the bedroom, the blond found himself getting ready for bed. shedding his clothes, he tossed them into the familiar pile when something shiny caught his eye.

a pearl. a pale, opalescent pearl shone greatly underneath eren's pillow, its gleam so great even under the nightly lack of light. lifting up the pillow, armin discovered a letter, the paper folded and the contents slightly smudged with octopus ink. his fingers grasped onto it, his cerulean eyes squinting as he struggled to encode the words.

mikasa, you have been the subject of my dreams for as i can remember. my mind often pictures your face, my thoughts serving as pictures of how your body trembles while under mine. it's your voice which sings in my ears, every laugh, every moan, every gasp more beautiful with each tone. you're the woman in which God intended, the woman in which shall belong to me. there's been word that the northerners are experiencing much more pleasantries than us down in lapvona. i plan on wedding you, mikasa. i plan for you to bear my fruits in the swell of your womb. father fritz had agreed to wed us, and from then we shall make our ascent up north. as for the boy, I'm not sure. he's not intelligent, and runs around prancing like a doe. he's not capable of many things, and yet i find him endearing. we could leave him here, i suppose, however the boy would never survive on his own. perhaps he can tend to our farm animals, or entertain our young ones up north. i understand you're quite fond of him, and so i assume this'll be a bridge that we will cross in the near future. for now, just understand that you are my woman and my priority. your being takes hold in my life, and in my heart. yours truly, eren.

by the end, armin found himself shaking with unadulterated rage. he knew he was disobeying god with his envy, his jealousy and outrage at how he wasn't eren's prime concern. he wasn't who eren would inflicted his chaos onto, the blond not deemed worthy enough to indulge in the brunet's fury.

he wasn't worthy enough to reach salvation. how could armin reach heaven, when only the select few were cherry-picked by God Himself? how could armin prove to God that he was noble enough to be chosen, when there would be no suffering to be endured?

"Jesus Christ had sacrificed himself for us," pastor erwin's voice echoed. "he endured crucification just for us, just for us to live in righteousness. therefore what makes you worthy enough to join the Lord in heaven? what sufferings had you endured? what pain had you sorrowed that could be measurable to the pain felt by the Christ?"

without cognition, without discernment, without reason, armin's mind had settled on one thought.

the blond is going to kill eren.

he fled to annie's the next morning. the ambivalent girl found herself feeling suspicious at armin’s sudden visit, yet nonetheless fulfilled his pondering questions.

“well,” her steady voice spoke. “the mandrakes cause hallucinations. they’re rather hypnotic, armin, so i’d stay away from those.” she pulled out a box from above a cabinet, the silver-plated chest carved with an artistic rendition of Christ's crucification. she unlatched it, turning the chest around for armin to see the next root.

“you can try mugwort,” she shrugged, holding the plant in her fingers before dropping it back into the velvety-cushioned interior. “it’s not as harmful, so it wouldn’t really kill. it would just lightly harm you, however.”

armin stood wordlessly, his vision distorted as he heavily contemplated between the two plants.

and then, "do you have anything stronger?"

annie stood just as soundlessly, her turquoise blue eyes sizing the strange boy up. she struggled to decipher what exactly brought the young man to her's, what cause the blond to ask for the strongest poison she had.

her silence arose anxiety in armin, the pregnant pause causing the insistent man to blurt out an, "i'll pay you extra."

well, then. annie turned to open a cabinet behind her, the stoic woman re-emerging with a tiny, cream-colored, wool bag. she dropped it on the counter, the woman taking a small step backwards which went unnoticed by her, but acknowledged by armin.

"belladonna", her voice dropped, her form moving slightly over the bag as she leaned over the counter. armin leaned in, too, the young man feeling a hint of arousal from sharing a potential secret. the tips of annie's little lips glazed gently against the lobes of armin's ears, a shiver running down his protruding spine.

"or," she whispered, the boy struggling to not laugh as the movement of her lips against his skin tickled him. "as you might know it as, deadly nightshade."

she backed away quickly, yet gracefully, like a lake swan. it was as though the short conversation hadn't occurred.

"what are you willing to give me for it?" annie questioned, humorously observing how armin struggled to swiftly pull whatever it was out his worn-down cotton pants. he managed to have it swaying in his hand rather quickly; a solid-gold rosary decorated with red-ruby jewels shone beautifully, even in the dim light of annie's shop.

she didn't question where he'd got such a luxurious rosary from. he didn't feel rather inclined to answer it, too ashamed to admit he'd stolen it from the praying hands of the Virgin Mary statue from the temple. annie rarely visited the church, anyways. she wouldn't have realized, or snitched.

"deal?" armin questioned, bringing it closer to allow the rosary to hypnotize annie into accepting the deal.

it worked. "deal."

she took the dangling jewels from armin's fingers, her left hand shoving the little wool bag towards the blond's direction.

"they're in blueberry form," she explained, as if it was a rapid disclaimer she was obligated to give. "don't leave it around anyone who'd mistaken them for such."

"yes, annie."

"and when you use them, make sure to use every last one. it'll cause harm onto you if anyone were to discover you with them, and harm onto me if anyone were to know i sold them to you."

"yes, annie."

"okay, then," the blonde breathed, her stress alleviated as she chose to trust armin with the poison.

the young man was headed for the door, poison bag tucked into his pocket, before annie's curiosity got the best of her.

"hey, armin," she called, absentmindedly playing with the lobe of her ear. "what exactly did you need it for, again?"

armin, with the sweetest smile he mustered, swiveled delicately around as he answered with his dulcet voice.

"for rats."

armin hadn't known how to bake a pie.

he settled on making oatmeal. it was easy enough; couple of oats, lamb's milk, and belladonna blueberries.

he served it beautifully on their little wooden table; a rusted spoon on the left side of the bowl, with a cup of freshly-squeezed orange juice on the left.

admiring his work, the blond didn't anticipate eren's soft footsteps as he sauntered wordlessly into the tiny kitchen.

"what's all this?" the brunet slurred, the young man still blanketed by sleep. he blinked, fighting the rest that blurred his vision. his cyan-eyes focused on the display before him, before they looked up to meet with armin's baby-blue eyes. armin could swear he'd seen surprise behind those almond eyes, and something deeper. something complex that the blond couldn't name.

"you made breakfast?" eren questioned, his veiny hands pulling back the table's seat before sitting gently on it. "for me, pet?"

armin blushed. "yes."

"what's this?" eren probed, his fingers grabbing the spoon before he fished at the belladonna berries, raising them up to inspect. "berries? they're not in season, lamb. where'd you get these?"

the blond tensed, fighting the urge to pull his bottom lip into his teeth. it was a habit he'd done when he'd conducted a lie against eren, a habit that the meaner man soon picked up on. now, the only thing armin's little habit earned was a sharp slap on his cheek in response.

luckily for armin, eren hadn't questioned him again. he indulged in the oatmeal, his face cringing in the flavor of the berries.

"how sour," he commented, quickly washing it down with the orange juice.

armin's bottom lip was held captive by his teeth. he silently watched eren eat, the twinkle in the blond's eyes dimming with each spoonful eaten.

once he was done, he shoved his now empty bowl back. he got up, his body carrying him to the bedroom. armin followed.

the blond watched eren return back to bed. the brunet's tired form moved to the left, patting the vacant, lush spot near him.

"get in, little lamb."

armin complied. he sunk into the bed, letting himself be pulled into eren's side. he always did love how he smelled; pinecone and earth's dirt. his nose dug into eren's armpit, breathing in his masculine musk. he could feel the brunet's arm wrapping around him, his thumb caressing armin's pale stomach.

"my pet," eren purred, pressing a soft kiss on armin's golden fringe. armin curled deeper into him, his nose pressing farther into eren's warm skin. "i've got to tell you something later, lamb," eren rasped, a sudden cough bursting through his chest. he coughed for a good minute, causing armin to jerk his head up. he settled back down, however, a sudden wave of guilt boiling in his stomach.

"wake me up in a bit," eren waved, his eyelids fluttering as they shut. his lips let out a string of coughs, a string of spit shimmering on them as he spat on the wooden floor.

he fell asleep rather quickly, his breathing labored and harsh.

armin laid, incapable of sleeping as his thoughts raced with worries and sorrows. thou shalt not kill.

armin's breathing hurried, soft little huffs marched out his lips as the realization began to sink in. he got up from under eren's heavy arm, his shaky hands resting on the brunet's stomach.

"eren?" his small voice questioned, his fingers gripping onto his torso. he rocked his body slightly, in an attempt to wake the taller man up.

no response.

armin began to get frantic; his hands jolted eren's sleeping form, little tears began to form in the ducts of his blue eyes.

"eren?" he cried, madly thrusting the boy as he outwordly prayed to God.

"please, please," the pale man whined. he hoped that he could reverse it, hoped that God could hear his pleas and take mercy on this mistake. "please, eren. don't die. God, please don't kill him."

he rested his ear on eren's chest, the blond fighting the urge to not vomit on the brunet's wool sweater.

no heartbeat.

wildly, armin sieged eren's wrist. he pointed his index and middle finger into two standing pillars, pressing them sharply on eren's flesh. no pulse, either.

armin wailed, his body jerking from the bed as he fell harshly onto the ground. he yelped before stammering up to his feet.

"eren?" armin sobbed, taking in eren's slain form. the blond moved in, his head laying on eren's unmoving chest. he laid there, armin's breathing irregular and labored from howling.

he failed to notice the sound of the front door opening, or the little pat-pat-pats of footsteps.

"eren?" another voice, a female's, rung out. "you in here, honey?"

armin's spine straightened.

"armin?" the patting of footsteps entered the room. the blond didn't have to turn around to recognize who'd been calling him. he immediately knew based off the lavender scent.

"baby?" mikasa's soft voice questioned, her gentle hand rubbing against armin's bouncing back. "what's wrong? why're you crying?"

armin couldn't answer her; too ashamed, too regretful.

"honey?" mikasa tried again, before her babydoll-eyes caught onto eren's still form. she pressed a smooth hand against his forehead, before dragging it down to his heart.

she stilled.

"eren?" her voice rose, her actions mimicking that of armin's as she gently shook his arm. "baby?"

she soon realized, however, the tragic scene before her.

she screeched, her cries more piercing and gut-wrenching compared to what armin produced. her upper-body melted into eren's chest, her shrieking face burrowing into his richly, eren-scented, sweater. as if her love and horror would bring him back to life.

armin lifted himself off the bed, his body hunching over as he emptied the containments out from his stomach. the whole act before him made him sick, his heart pounding and his head throbbing.

mikasa turned her head to look at armin, a primal fear developing in him once she did. he couldn't pinpoint what it was at first; perhaps it was her bloodshot eyes, the way the white transformed into a rose-red hue, or the way her pupils were fully dilated. perhaps it was the paleness of her face, her cheeks snow-white from shock. or perhaps it was the way her raven-black gripped onto her face, the sweat that perspired served as the glue.

what couldn't escape his mind, however, was the way her mouth hung open like a dog. slobber escaped from it, her breathing sharp and ragged as she huffed. to witness mikasa, so poised and so elegant, reduced to this inhumane state was what ignited terror in armin's little, quivering body.

and so he ran, darting out the door as he heard mikasa's pained voice yelling out an, "ARMIN."

his bare feet rapped against the brutal rocks, carmine-toned cuts and violet-hued bruises were sure to immediately emerge on his soles. he payed the pain no mind, his adrenaline forcing him to run. he couldn't hear the cries and screams from the villagers, couldn't hear the way they called his name nor the yells that erupted once they quickly discovered eren's state.

he just ran. the young man ran into the forrest, past the emerald-green trees, past the mud-brown branches that stabbed into his arms. up above him, four ash-black ravens flew with him.

he hadn't known where he was going. he allowed his legs to take him where they pleased, as long as he was far from the village. far from mikasa's wailing form, far from eren's still body.

eventually, however, armin grew to realize where his body had taken him.

he slowed down, his feet inching towards the edge of the cliff. the birds above him sang, the sycamore trees swayed gently by the force of the cool, autumn air. even there, to the right of the constant waterfall, was the face of Jesus Christ.

armin found himself hunched over again, spitting out the remnants of his stomach. the adrenaline, mixed with being presented in front of an image of Jesus, had caused the blond to spiral.

"i'm sorry," he wailed, dropping down to his knees as he clasped his hands. "i'msorryi'msorryi'msorryididn'tmeanto." he breathed, before he screamed for the forrest to hear. a couple of partridges fled, yet the ravens remained. they lurked above armin, taking home on the trees and branches.

he coughed, heaving up bile and blood and the evilness that lurked deep within his spirit. judas, he could hear the villagers curse. filthy demon. he could imagine, once they caught up with him, how'd they capture him. he'd be held in the pillory, his body displayed to be ridiculed and demeaned. they'd humiliate him, just before they took him to the gallows. just like Jesus.

except armin was nothing like Jesus. the blond was a coward, running away from his crime while begging God for forgiveness and mercy.

just like judas.

from below, he could hear the pounding of footsteps, the voices of angry men and sorrowful women. his heart raced, his throat closing in fright. were they looking for him?

he choked. his dilated eyes met with stone Jesus' eyes, before they looked below. under the cliff, there'd been boulders which met with the cool stream of the water. there were bones buried just underneath the rill, some animal, some human.

the footsteps grew. armin's eyes darted back up to stone Jesus, before they met with the observing ravens. they simply squawked.

"eternal God," armin hymned, a jitter in his bones as if his soul knew what was to come.

"your mercy is endless and so is your compassion." his voice lifted with every word, his throat bobbing with every syllable.

"look kindly upon me, and increase your mercy in me." his feet inched closer and closer to the cliff's edge.

"with great confidence," he finished, his fists clenching the cotton-edging of his soiled sweater. "i submit myself to your holy will, which is love and mercy itself."

his right hand unclasped, his fingers touching his sweat-rippled forehead. "in the name of the Father," he breathed, just as the ravens began to screech uncontrollably.

"in the name of the Son," his fingers danced down to touch his chest, the home of his heart and soul. he took a glance at stone Jesus, his unmoving figure simply studying the blond.

his fingers grazed his right shoulder, before they crossed over to his left. "and the Holy Spirit," he ended, his eyes peering down the too close, yet too far, cliff's end. "amen."

the ravens warned him how the villagers were arriving, how they'd soon capture him and gut him for his crime.

he had to move, and he had to move quick. with his prayers sent, he took one last glance down the cliff.

there was a fifty-fifty chance of armin landing on either the rocks, or the water. if he landed in the stream, he’d be taken out of lapvona, God’s mercy on him allowing armin to start a new life somewhere. if he landed on the rocks, however, he’d get to see his family again.

through delusion, coupled with the pressure squeezing on his brain, armin jumped, entrusting God with whatever were to happen.

the ravens suddenly stilled, and everything went very quiet.

the end.

#attack on titan fanfiction #attack on titan #aot #eren yeager #mikasa ackerman #armin arlert #attack on titan eren #eren aot #eren jaeger #eren x mikasa #mikasa aot #attack on titan mikasa #armin aot #eren x armin

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akawrites000 · 3 years

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hot vs cold

Hero groaned, pulling on that black tie with curled, tense fingers. They've never been a big fan of formal wear, but this particular assignment had called for such a situation. They looked up at the gloomy sky, mind wandering about to how many side jobs heroes actually had to do. People would think being a hero would consist of mostly fighting off villains- and that's true, but villain was the least of their problems right then; in fact, it had almost been a week since they had a face off with villain. When they weren't paying attention, their thoughts would sometimes betray them, making hero think that they almost missed villain. Almost.

Sweat pooled on their brow as they waited under the hot sun, dearly missing the comfort and familiarity of their hero costume. This particular job requirement was that they act as a bodyguard and protect a high profile individual while they attend some sort of a party that hero couldn't be less concerned about. They preferred being the hero and not a bodyguard for someone who they didn't even know.

Just then, a black limousine rolled out and stopped right in front of the hotel they were staying in; a huge man with sunshades got out from the back, waved their hands at hero, signaling them to get in. That must be my ride.

They got into the car without any fight, and took one look at the rear most seat to check if this was in fact their employer or just a fancy way of kidnapping.

"No staring."

"Wha-

Hero didn't have a chance to speak out before they were crushed by the huge man sitting to their left. They couldn't believe it, why did they have to be squished, with no concept of personal space in a limousine?! This was just absurd.

Hero felt another lithe body press to them on their right, that person in turn being squished by another big man to their left. Hero groaned internally, they were just really bad with close contact with people in general, they could never understand why, but it just felt foreign to them. It's like they never knew how to act, and their mind would settle on the default "freak out" option.

Hero was dragged out of their head when they felt themselves being pushed further to the lithe person on their right, because the big guy decided to squirm in his seat. The sweat pooling on their brow slowly slid down their cheekbone, and hero was feeling hot... everywhere. There were too many sensations ramming into them all at once- their tight suit, which felt like it was glued to their body now thanks to their nerves; being pressed to another person; feeling their body heat. Hero had always had a high body temperature so all of this contact was making their head spin.

They just sat there silently, wishing for this agony to just end.

Villain was in high spirits, this was a job that paid well, so they enthusiastically got dressed up in a suit that was the dress code for a bodyguard and got into the assigned limousine. They had a mask plus voice changer on for good measure, and nobody questioned that which was good. They were thinking how ironic it was that they accepted this job request, because this was what the heroes did- protecting people, not villains.

So it was an understatement to say that their jaw almost dropped to the floor when they saw hero getting into that same limousine. Villain found themselves gaping at them, their mind betraying them and caring for their nemesis who they met almost every day, in a fight of course.

I can't believe that hero is actually here, so now we have to work together? Do they even know that I'm villain? And they're not even wearing a mask to hide their identity, how irresponsible. Oh, they look good in a suit-

Villain had to stop their mind right there, willing themselves to focus on anything else other than the hero sitting next to them. But these two gorillas on either side of them made that almost impossible as they kept pushing each other closer in this seat that was too small for all of them.

Villain couldn't help but glance over at hero every few minutes, they were being too quiet. The hero they knew was noisy, always running into a fight before thinking, a person that kept jumping around all the time. So seeing them this calm was just... weird.

By now villain was pretty sure that hero didn't recognise them, so they were mentally prepping themselves to talk to them when the gorilla to hero’s left pushed them further into their body. Villain immediately froze. Too close. Hero might as well be practically sitting on them now, villain could feel everything- their breathing, heartbeat, and their body heat, they were practically burning... wait, burning?!

Villain whipped their head towards hero and took in their slumped figure. Their head was downcast so they couldn't really see their face. Hero was practically leaning on them, making no effort to even hold themselves upright and villain was a little worried... okay, a lot more worried than they let on. Hero’s breathing was ragged and villain felt like they had to do something, anything. But hero beat them to it.

"H-hot". Hero breathed out, weakly, pathetically.

Their voice was so low, villain almost didn't hear them.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

Hero propped their head up on their shoulder, lips parted as they gasped in some air, bangs stuck to their sweaty forehead and villain shamelessly drank in those visuals, despite their thoughts clashing with one another. Hero’s eyes were shut tight, while villain’s eyes were wide open, staring at them.

"S' so hot, I can't-" they croaked.

That's when villain painfully realised that hero was having some sort of a panic attack and they needed space. Villain haphazardly pushed at the big man to hero’s left, glaring at him so that he doesn't attempt to move any closer. Then they draped a protective arm around hero, activating their powers and felt weirdly proud when hero almost moaned out at the cold sensation.

Villain brought up their other hand to hero’s face comfortably nestled on their shoulder and gently touched their forehead, cheek and neck.

Hero blinked up at them in slight surprise, eyes opening and then closing as they went limp in their arms, all of their tense muscles relaxing and villain just felt so powerful.

Hero finally looked up at them after regaining a bit of their energy, their face a palette of red, when the car screeched to a stop.

The two of them were ushered out of the car and hero wobbled after the 'mysterious masked person who had saved them' . They were pulled upright by the same person when their balance toppled and they almost ended up kissing the floor, with a "be more careful" from them. Hero felt their face heating up, just how many times did they have to be helped today? A behavior totally unbefitting of a hero.

"Um!" Hero called out and the 'masked person' stopped to turn around and look at them.

Hero was already bowing, words sounding like apologies and gratitude steadily spilling out of their lips in a messed up heap, as they bombarded villain’s ears. Villain wanted to understand, they really did, but all they could pick up were hurried sorries, shy thank you's and the word stranger that kept popping up here and there and how hero was so embarrassed by their own behaviour.

Villain simply scoffed, they had seen far more embarrassing sides of the hero and secretly enjoyed them, their nose scrunching up every time hero called them a stranger and villain couldn't stand it anymore.

As fun as this was, it was time to reveal their masked identity-

"But I'm no stranger to you darling." Villain mocked and the 'goldfish expression' on hero’s face was oh so worth it.

Villain turned around with a smug smile as hero caught up with all of that information and was by their side in a second, screeching into their ears.

"Villain?!"

"Yes, that's me."

Hero groaned, Villain's voice dripped with so much amusement that made hero’s heart flare with embarrassment at that moment.

"I'll punch you after this job." Hero hissed.

Villain smiled, "Is that how you thank people? But lucky for you, I'll accept it and punch you back."

Hero rolled their eyes. "Just shut up. Please."

Villain chuckled and hero couldn't get that voice out of their head. While they were distracted, villain took the opportunity to close in next to their ear and spoke in a sinful tone which should be illegal-

"I-im hot~"

Hero simply tripped on air, falling face first to the ground this time. There was no getting that voice out of their head now. They looked up and glared at villain, who made a funny face and walked away.

Hero hid their face in their hands. "Shit. That's unfair, you shitty villain."

Hero felt another large hand tapping their shoulder and looked up to see one of the gorilla men looking down at them, sympathy written all over his face. Hero took the man's outstretched hand and let themselves be pulled up.

"That was cute, didn't know you both knew each other. But my partner and I," he pointed to the other huge man standing next to the limo and grinning at them, "are totally on your side. That was one underhanded move."

Oh, if hero wasn't embarrassed enough a few seconds ago, they definitely were now.

"Wait, what, how did you-

"I have superhearing." , the man simply said as hero gawked at him, and then started wishing for the ground to swallow them up whole.

BONUS: Every time hero overheated during a fight and felt faint, villain would use their powers to cool them down, and hero would lean into that touch like they could never get enough of it. It attacked villain’s heart every time.

So yeah, my brain decided to give you hero x villain squished together in a limo instead of a bed? New trope? xD

Thank you so much for 260 followers, you all are so precious 🥺❤

#hero x villain #hero #villain #bodyguard au #the gorilla men are best wingmen #fire and ice powers #their employer really doesn't care #they just want to be protected lol #creative writing #writing snippet #my wriitng #writeblr #so everyone ships them #poor hero #lol #the gorilla men are just big softies xD

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loudlypanickinginvenezolano · 4 years

Text

[WIP] Dolled up. (I think.) Half of first chapter.

TW: Violence (They are figthing.) Dealing with injuries. Wounds. Blood. No medical experience so, all of this could be very well absolutely wrong and very worthy of cringe. Mention of death. Body horror? I think? There is a very ugly looking monster. And I wrote how I imagined them to look, so...

The blackened earth was smoking, the greyish thing going high to the darkened sky. Rubble was everywhere, disaster and chaos claiming what once seemed to be a very calm forest. Animals carcass lithered the burned ground, and Shadow worried for a while that maybe there wasn’t going to be anything growing in a very long time, and seeing how far the damage extended, it really was concerning.

Or, maybe not.

Strange things happening in Mobius was something Shadow was becoming used to. Things that should not happen were the normal here. People, Mobians and Humans for equal, had learned to stop questioning the around.

If it wasn’t something dangerous, then let it be.

He still hadn’t get the hang of it. But.

Well.

He gazed softly at the half burned bunnies and half dead squirrels (and that one bear.) praying softly in a low voice for them and the destroyed natural bunch of flowers and grass that were...well, everywhere. The smell of burning wood and fallen trees marked the path for him to walk, were the fight sounds have already subsided. Looking over himself, and deciding that he wasn’t that bad as if for not being able to continue, he quickly stood up, shaking softly as he ran to get rid of annoying dirt, fallen quills, hairs, rocks, and well, dried (And not so dried.) blood.

He just hoped he wasn’t going to find bugs crawling on him later on.

What remained of the big bio mechanical beast he and his companion had been battling was on the ground. All three of them had fallen at great heights, a stronger that he expected punch with long claws making him slip and fall before they stopped. It had hurt, a lot, more because they had been battling for quite the while, and he got the hit directly in already bruised areas. He had been dizzy, and unable to stand up or answer Sonic scream asking if he was okay.

There may be a few broken bones or strained, sprained muscles. A few burned patches, no doubt. Scratch’s, cuts, and bruises that were going to get swollen and hurt like a bitch.

He didn’t think there was internal bleeding? But maybe it was too soon to say?

Sticks broke under his skates, flowers and thick logs that have been throw around as spectators of the battle. The beast laid unmoving, debris all around. He could see a destroyed house not very far, an un-salvable fence and what could be a garden. He could hear some animals screaming near, and the desperate chirping of new baby birds whose parents had fled during the altercate.

Feeling guilty, he made a mental note to try and search for them, see who could be saved and what needed to be put out of its misery.

— Shadow! — He heard Sonic screech, and quickly wiped around, trying to find from where the blue menace was screaming. He didn`t find him, but he, however, was found indeed.

Just that not by a very tired looking blue cute hedgehog, but by a miserable looking thing that tried to call itself a cyborg. The beast, no doubt an hybrid made in an experimental laboratory seemed to have lost itself in pain, and its feral stare cut sharply to unfocused hazy red eyes.

Fuck.

He dodged the attack with a pant, his body complaining at the every move. It seemed it had finally snapped, as it didn’t mind anymore the pain it felt. It barely growled at him when with a good punch, he managed to take off one of its various mechanical arms.

There was nothing under it, and the view evidently made Shadow feel very uneasy and uncomfortable, because at least there, there should be something. Uneasy enough to make him falter just a bit, and almost get his nose bitten. He got it licked, though.

Was he being mocked?

Was he a joke to Cyborg-thingy?

Falling down hard on his already hurting tail, he barely reacted in time to block its big maw with his skates, clawed hands digging on the soil beneath him as if to not get pushed around. He flexioned, bringing his knees to his chest in the most unexpected moment, making it lose balance for a second.

The second he needed to yank and make it fall forward hard, almost flying over his head.

Shadow felt like screaming, the agony on his body and that twist he did that pulled hard on already sensitive muscles was a lot to deal with, more with his old, still healing, wounds. He lifted his head from the ground, trying to look out for Sonic, wondering where the fuck was his ally. He found him battling with those annoying smoll winged beasts a good few meters apart from where he was, smile all but gone and seriously attacking those bitches.

He made a face, because Shadow barely could fight them without getting nightmares or feeling shivers running down his spine, not that, well, anyone knew. Those things creeped him out. Like. Really. Maybe it was how crazy their eyes looked? How...red? The scars and metal plates peppered over their bodies? The scary looking stiches on mismatched skin? The dark-feeling chaos energy they had?

His stomach lurched just thinking about them.

— Disgusting. — He muttered. They really made him nervous and tense.

"When something was so annoying, it was almost pleasant seeing them disappear or die." It just...He couldn’t get that feeling completely when battling them. Even so.

Erm.

Mh, Wasn`t Sonic being a tad too much on them? He seemed almost...angry?

Maybe he should follow his example. He just needed...5 more seconds. You know. Catch his breath. Swallow back his liver. Pray it goes to where it belong.

Cry?

The usual.

A loud creaking noise made him open his eyes abruptly, and he looked back at his own beast.

Did this dude didn’t know when to give up?

Or how to die?

He rolled out of the way, avoiding a tree being send flying his way. It crashed, hard, close the chaotic house.

Shadow could barely spare it a thought, though. Not when it sprinted towards Sonic, apparently deciding that Shadow was too much of a rough cookie and needed to try his luck somewhere else.

— Nope! — He muttered, standing up as well with a big effort. — Idiot! Wa-Watch out! — He screamed to his distracted rival. Or tried to. He could barely talk. He was becoming dizzy once again.

This was. Concerning. Had he got his head--? Forget it. Of course he did.

Skating the distance between them, he outran the beast, breathing hard, and started trying to attack it, or distract it. He stabbed, punched, pulled, heck, even gave a bite, but the thing ignored him, as if Shadow were nothing but a mere bug. Sonic had long noticed them, but the flying things didn’t left him a chance to go away. They clipped his skin, and avoided his spins. Didn’t reacted to his quills, and clawed at him, don’t letting him leave.

They were so many, it almost looked like a private tornado. Every time Sonic got one down, two more would pop out of nowhere and take its place. They were flying around him, circling, going high and then diving in attack. In made it hard to see Sonic.

Clinging hard to a bit of fur, Shadow managed to climb it. It started to pay him more attention, but didn’t change his direction, adamant in attacking Sonic. Unsteadily, he made his way and managed to make a deep cut on its neck. Digging his claws, he tried to break it. Make it quickly, and stop its pain.

Just end it. Give it peace.

The beast let out a big roar, and his shaking almost threw him at the ground before honestly scared green eyes. A few flying things started to attack him, making it harder to stay put. He really didn’t know if the blood he was seeing mating the beast fur was his, its, or from them.

Because he was kicking their asses as well, yes sir.

He squeezed harder, and the beast tripped and twisted with a yowl. Shadow had to jump before he got crushed beneath it, tackling Sonic on his way, as well, getting both of them out of the way of the beast by rolling on the ground…and well… rocks and branches.

One word.

Ouch.

No good. Really.

No good.

The winged ones flew all around them, in a very messy and menacing mayhem. A lot of them were surrounding The beast, clinging and... Were they taking off with it?

Their wings were beating them, flashes of green, brown, red, metal grey and blue all around. Even the sky above was darkened because of them. They clipped Sonic hands, arms, face, Shadows ears, back. Their screeching was disorienting, painful on sensitive hedgehog hearing.

This time it was Shadow who got pushed to the ground, his whines of agony washed out for all the noise, Sonic rolling them out of the way of a big, big, Winged One. He got a nasty cut (With a sting powerful enough to steal a high yelp of pain) on his side thanks to it, and a push forceful enough to throw him off Shadow and make them roll a bit. Two of them flew way to low, making both of them duck their heads and, in consequence, leaving them unable to see the next attack before too late.

Sharp claws pierced the skin on Shadow back, making him actually scream thanks to the excruciating pain and scaring the ever loving shit out of Sonic, who immediately reached out. Shadow clung to Sonic arms when his body was lifted from the ground. Sonic yelped as well, panic flowing through his body and mind as his upper part was lifted too and couldn’t find purchase with his shoes for 2 petrifying seconds. They weren’t taking Shadow from him.

They couldn’t.

Sonic refused. ___ Hi? Im sorry if this seems like too much, but im proud of how this is coming out, so ! Yes. I just dont know if I should publish only Tumblr.

#that thing about people deciding in writing during quarantine? Yes. Basically #quarantine fic #Sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #Sonadow #Just not yet #Sonic is actually pining hard #Tropes #anger born out of worry #my writing

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simkjrs · 7 years

Text

ch6 asks, cont’d.

Anonymous said: read the latest chapter and honestly even though im screaming in agony, i absolutely love this drama. i really cant wait to see where youre going with this. it also makes me happy to see you make so many good characters autistic, it feels nice to be able to relate to actions. also, izuku's entire internal conflict in this chapter? BIG MOOD.

fdjdkljf happy to hear someone’s enjoying it!! also, thank you for the feedback -- it’s nice to know that i’ve done alright,representation-wise. :^)

Anonymous said: just wanted to tell you that i'm at the spot when izuku basically tells it like it is to kacchan. and it's pretty much spot on. from what i can tell. from real life experiences. I sincerely hope that this time in your life is past if you've had to experience something like this or you have people you can turn to. otherwise, dude, you are scarily good at writing. i'm seriously afraid of how this conversation is going to turn out. the chapter's really beautiful and honestly just inspiring. thank u

this is such a nice ask i didnt know what to do with myself after reading it?

no comment on my real life situation except that everything’s fine right now. i haven’t experienced everything that izuku is dealing with (or at least.. not to that degree?) SO i’m just extrapolating beyond my own life & experiences, and also incorporating what i’ve learned by reading through accounts by people who have actually lived through these things. thank you for writing in, and thank you for your concern

@ceilingbattles said: I just wanted to say thank you so much for the new chapter <3 honestly its my favourite fanfiction, and I just really appreciate all the work you put into it, its amazing!!! (I don't have an ao3 account, just really wanted to let you know). Also just wow. that was a chapter. 100% worth it, I will read it repetitively on my phone as I have the rest of the fic.

thank you!! it’s really nice to hear that, and i feel incredibly honored to have written someone’s favorite fic. i hope it continues to live up to your expectations!

Anonymous said: i feel like byggualom! izuku and suneater would get along very well. kindred spirits kinda thing

both of them have massive anxiety so they can definitely empathize with each other, and i think izuku would do his best to accommodate suneater! it would be really exhausting for izuku though, i think, so while they’d get along well i don’t know if they’d be good for each other for extended periods of time. anxiety echo chamber

@aliceofbrokendreams said: Can I give you a hug? Cause if writing the first half invoked as much emotion as it did in me reading it, you should have one.

yeah... it was really hard writing this chapter. thank you

@slightlyobssesive said: I would just like to say that this chapter took me four hours to read and then another one to compose myself to type this. On one hand I absolutely adore you because some parts had me so happy and the portrayal of Izuku's abuse is handled so well. On the other hand though I am cradling my heart that has been shattered into about 3 million pieces and screaming why because this chapter emotionally destroyed me. I cannot properly express my current feelings in this small amount of space just WHYYYY

im sorry but also im completely not sorry, THANK YOU FOR READING DESPITE YOUR DEEP PERSONAL SUFFERING

and also thanks for your feedback re: the representation of izuku’s abuse! i’m glad i was able to convey it well!

@abrcmhatford said: i uh wanna say that i really appreciate how you're handling izuku's reaction to realizing that yeah, it was abuse, because people brush over the recovery a lot, and i've been in izuku's shoes and i think you captured the entirety of it really well. it's rough and it's really hard and it's still hard and i like how you didn't just ignore the gritty details and kept pushing. thanks

yeah! i wanted to write something that was about recovery, and moving forward, and doing your best despite your circumstances. i pulled on my own experiences with depression and other things to try and write this, and what i learned, so... i’m happy to hear it resonated with someone else too. i hope that you’re out of that situation now, and that things are better for you. thank you for your feedback. it means a lot to me.

@angryqueermermaid said: you. absolute motherfucker.

alright now that name calling is out of the way I must say that you have the BEST portrayal of depression and anxiety I have EVER seen. like. holy shit my guy. the entire ch I was just like. "same? same. SAME." and, well, while that was a fucking kick in the pants, it was so.... confusingly cathartic??? in a good way??? to watch izuku struggle with the shit I have felt, in ALL aspects of life like being vunerable and/or high energy/socialization settings. fucking. GOD MY KOKORO.

FUCK WHAT I'M TRYING TO IS THAT YOU DID GOOD

i once saw a quote that said something like, “if you want to make someone a monster to society, first make sure they never see themselves in your stories.” it’s a morbid quote, but i feel like it explains well why it’s so meaningful when you see yourself reflected in a story. i know the first time i read a chinese-american protagonist, and one who wasn’t interested in romance to boot, i was in junior high and it made me so happy because i’d never had that representation before.

that’s one of the reasons i write so many characters with mental illnesses or trauma -- i don’t see enough of us in mainstream stories, and i think those stories need to be told, just so we can remember that we aren’t alone. i’m really glad you found catharsis reading chapter 6, and that i was able to catch some of those struggles you go through. thank you for writing in!

Anonymous said: OF COURSE YOU POSTED YOUR LONG-AWAITED SIXTH CHAPTER IN JUNE

and yet, i missed the anniversary!!!! a failure!!!!

Anonymous said: sometimes I just go to your blog to make sure you're okay. like of you're blogging then you're either okay or trying your hardest

i’m not actually sure if this was a ch6 asks but it was sent with the rest so. thank you. it soothes me to know that someone out there is thinking of my wellbeing, because i sure don’t and i guess someone has to. (but in all seriousness, that’s really sweet)

Anonymous said: Hey! I just wanted to let you know that I loved the chapter 6 a lot! As a writer, I can understand not being entirely happy with your work, but as someone who recently got out of a very unhealthy situation, it makes me happy that you put it up anyway! Izuku's recovery mimicked mine in a lot of ways, especially the coming to terms with it. His talk with Yagi about grief hit very close to home, but also was very inspiring, if that makes any sense!! So sincerely, thank you so much! ^u^

i’m really happy to hear that!! i tried to catch the feeling / moment i had when i was getting through my depression, where for two weeks or so i was so miserable all the time and just wanted to... stop. it’s hard to explain, but one day i got up in the morning and knew that i was just tired of all this, tired of stagnating in the same place and tired of being miserable all the time, and maybe i couldn’t get rid of my depression but at the very least i had to try. if i was able to convey any of that through izuku’s conversation with yagi, then i’m satisfied. thank you!!

Anonymous said: Thank you for sharing your writing with us

and thank you for appreciating it! <3

@chocowl said: From start to end this was a rly good chap. The recovery process, the relationships, and everything else was so good. I esp liked how Izuku mobilised his network and how Katsu got some Consequences. And Mitoki... much gold as always! Altogether: thank you for this journey! I loved it and i love you for creating such amazing content. Ihope you have an amazing day and time! :) xoxo

(sorry i split up your asks into two different posts! categorization purposes...)

i’m really glad you enjoyed that!! i worked so hard on the emotional atmosphere of this chapter, haha. glad to see it paid off. <3 <3 thank you for all your feedback, too, and also the really nice art you’ve made for me!

Anonymous said: someone made a pinterest board for The Fic! it looks p small rn (111 pins?) but its kinda cute

i don’t have a pinterest account so sadly i can’t zoom over and check it out, but wow... i’m really honored!! thank you for letting me know!

Anonymous said: later, when Eri comes in- what would happen if byggualom!izuku was shot by Eri's quirk-removing drug? everyone's expecting something to happen but Izuku would be fine, considering he has no quirk (as far as he knows?)

muscular used izuku’s body to smash a concrete sidewalk into smithereens and izuku didn’t have so much as a scratch, one of the quirk-removing drugs’ bullets wouldn’t even have a chance. so actually, everyone’s question would be “what the hell is up with your skin”

anyways, if you’re wondering if we’ll ever get a reveal, don’t worry. it’s coming. :^)

#chapter 6 #ask #ask compilation #ceilingbattles #aliceofbrokendreams #slightlyobssesive #abrcmhatford #angryqueermermaid #chocowl #anonymous #these asks were so nice!!!! thanks guys im cryin in the club #super mega ultra fave

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