#spinster aunt of tumblr

[oldshrewsburyian]

Dear college students,

I really hope that I, your spinster aunt of Tumblr, am not the first person to tell you this, but: please use your university library services. You are paying for them. They are there for you. Moreover, your professors are operating on the assumption that you will use them as necessary.

When I say "library services" I mean not only physical books that will help you with research, but the usually more extensive eBook collections ditto. Novels you've been meaning to get around to and can't afford to buy. Even (quaintly?) DVDs for your entertainment. And perhaps most significantly of all, interlibrary loan.

I'm going to reiterate interlibrary loan in its own paragraph because a student complained to me recently that publishers were "literally incentivizing piracy" by not pricing academic monographs for purchase by college students and my reaction is best summed up as: ????? Publishers typically price scholarly monographs in the pious hope of not losing money on them. Everyone complains about the ones priced at $300, and a lot of them are priced around $30-50. They are priced for purchase by libraries and specialists. And they are priced for purchase by libraries precisely so that libraries can make them accessible to college students. Anyway, use interlibrary loan, good grief.

TL;DR: the library is there for you, that is what it is for, please behave accordingly.

#spinster aunt of tumblr #libraries #academic libraries #studyblr #college #also i took my survey class to the library this week and none of them had heard of boolean operators #did they all miss fourth grade #and sixth grade #and then never get asked to write a research paper ever #i am baffled #this particular student didn't want to pay more than $10 for a book but that's a different issue

[widowshill]

B, D, J, K, M, T (doesn't have to be just DS if you don't want it to be!)

A -> Z FANDOM ASKS.

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

it feels like cheating to say any ships that came from rp because 90% of the time there's no way you'd consider them otherwise, but the one that stands out to me is willie and esme (ft. @retrograderesemblance) cherish them, would never have put them together on my own lol.

beyond that, and this doesn't really count for not ever considering it, but I was a w.illabeth disliker until this year, I read several persuasive defenses, and writing lizzie swayed me. so elizabeth herself changed my mind kinda.

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.

ok listen. it's s.parrington. i get it intellectually and i see the vision but i just don't like it and i have tried for years it is just not. idk. can't do it.

J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr.

i hope this is dark shadows to all my treasured mutuals whom i single-handedly inundate with ds content all over their dashes. my answer would be e.lisabeth das musical or honestly like ? robespierre of french history kinda has a stan army on here.

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

ohhh who would i say for ds. maybe roger because he gets domesticated, and makes truly wild strides in his relationship with his son. ( go white boy break that patrilineal curse ). weirdly i also kinda wanna say joe is up there ? he has an interesting journey from Carolyn's Rejected Puppy All American Fish Boy to like ... helping vic investigate laura, being ang's chew toy, having a mental breakdown. and also deeply caring about david! maybe i just like it when people start caring about the kid.

elsewhere it's jimothy norrington. easy. character arc of all time.

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

not many people on this show because that's a death sentence but lowkey.. natalie dupres (josette's "spinster aunt") bc i think we would really get along. fancy french brunches with the gay aunt and we can talk shit about barnabas. even though she would bully me for my french, and rightfully so.

elsewhereeee hmm. alice k.ingsleigh would make a wonderful friend. sybil c.rawley. max b.lack sails.

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending? 

most of my headcanons about vicki tbh dan curtis can piss off. namely that girl has autism. she dislikes the task of setting her hair / sleeping on rollers and rarely feels like doing it, but her and carolyn will sometimes set hair for each other for some girl time. roger fencing and liz ice skating. i also know i'm right about specifically vic's and carolyn's music taste (monkees/mamas & the papas/paul revere & the raiders/herman's hermits, and jan&dean/the ventures/elvis/beach boys, respectively). vic is also added in the collins family history. david draws her in after she dies/disappears, and elizabeth has her formally added after she discovers his handiwork.

you can also pry my "elizabeth swann's burgundy dress was esme's" from my cold dead hands ! like. that's such an important one to me sdfgfd.

#i feel like i get these asks and then immediately forget all media i've consumed and any other ships that exist other than rv and norvilla #dying suffering french stalkers #➤ answered. ┊ collinsport 4099. #➤ meme responses. ┊ boo ! #➤ ooc. ┊ she’s nauseous，she’s hysterical，and she’s exhausted.

[qqueenofhades]

hAPPPY BIRTHDayYyYyy

Thank you, my tumblr niece! Your old spinster aunt is indeed, old. But hey.

#daisyyydaisyyydaisyyy #ask #birthday wishes

[bright-thehawksflight]

For the 3 Asks: all even multiples of 3 please? :D (I was leaning towards ALL multiples of 3 but I thought that's a bit much to ask - you could do the odd ones too if you want tho)

.Alright then here come all even multiples of three, plus n.3 bc I say so, and that’s gonna be one hell of a long post!

3. 3 songs that mean something to you: Midnight by Tyler Glenn bc it’s the one looped and I wept to when I made the decision to try and fix my relatioship with faith and religion, Cossack Lullaby by Natalia Faustova bc it’s what I sing to myself when the anxiety hits, and Just Another Day from the Next to Normal soundtrack bc it was with me through the shittiest times and now it’s a reminder that I’m not there anymore.

6. 3 characters that inspire you: Tenar from the Earthsea Cycle (full disclaimer I haven’t read the last book yet but she’s been through so much and she’s so broken and yet so fierce and full of love, Tombs of Atuan hurt in all the right places and her interactions with little Therru melted my heart), Tomelilla from the Fairy Oak saga (let me be the bamf spinster aunt with half her wisdom and grace and I’ll be happy forever) and Daughter Dooley from Old Gods of Appalachia (girl has no patience for her eldritch masters and if that ain’t a mood idk what is).

12. 3 apps that you use the most: whatsapp, tumblr, spotify.

18. 3 dream jobs you’ve had in your childhood: inventor, writer, cook.

24. 3 places that make you feel peaceful: the backseat of my parents’ car, the mountains, the park near my house in Venice.

30. 3 moments you could never forget: having something I wrote be read on a stage by actors of the Comédie Française (crazy proud moment and also I cried), one time at the end of hs when I begrudgingly went to pull away from a hug only for my friend to hold on tighter (I never felt so loved in my life and also I cried), posing for a picture at 12 with a sister by my side, one perched on my lap, and another in my arms (honestly idk why this memory is so vivid, i don’t even keep the picture around bc it came out ugly, i guess it was the struggle of holding so many kids in my tiny noodly arms?).

36. 3 ways of traveling that you enjoy the most: train, walking, flying.

There you go! Thanks so much for sending these in!

#ask #3 things ask #lisa says the things

[justcandace]

Hey friends, I thought I'd talk about this here. It's not important, especially given what's going on in the world. I don't expect anyone to humor me with replies. Tumblr has just become a way to scream into the void. But here goes.

I think I'm asexual. Somewhere on that spectrum. Leaning more towards demisexual. The more I learn about it all, the more I start to make sense.

I've never had a "serious" relationship. Things with other people have just always been weird or complicated or unrequited. So I really don't have anything to compare and contrast with. All I know is I have spent a lot of my teenage and young adult years thinking that there was something wrong with me. I'm a cis woman, I've mainly had crushes on cis men. Looking back now a lot of my crushes were on boys that were nice to me, which I didn't see much of since I was bullied up to my junior year of high school; and I've realized that a lot of it was "well, I'm SUPPOSED to like a boy, right? It'd be nice to have a boyfriend to hold my hand down the halls". But that wasn't it. Then for a brief time I thought "well it's not working out with boys, maybe I'm supposed to like girls". But that wasn't it either. The one time I was intimate with a girl was incidental and it was only after our platonic relationship had grown very affectionate and intense. That was a whole other story I won't get into now. But it happened.

I've truly been in love twice. The first time was a boy I went to high school with. We were friends. I developed a crush. He didn't like me back. We were friends a long time and I fell in love. Then we drifted apart and it took a long time for me to realize my friendship for him far outweighed his for me, and it took longer for me to get over it.

The second time was basically the same but totally different.

Now my heart has been broken pretty badly; long and drawn out... and at first I was cynical "I'll never love again! I can't go through this again!"

But now I'm just... here.

My sexuality (or lack thereof) is not a big deal to me. My family has never questioned me about it, at least not to my face. But I think they all see me as a child still, even though I'm 30. Maybe they know. Maybe they think I'm just my generation's spinster aunt. And I don't care enough to debate them.

(Funny side note. I got drunk at my cousin's wedding 5 years ago and cried on my mom's shoulder "I'M NEVER GETTING MARRIED" and she just patted my head and said "I know")

I've talked to a few friends about me possibly being demisexual. But overall, I feel like it's not an important enough component in my identity for me to announce or "come out" about. But putting it all into words does help it make some sort of sense.

If you're ace, I'd love to talk to you about your thoughts and experiences. You're valid and beautiful and that goes for all of you.

Thanks for listening!

#personal #demisexual #asexual #aspec #lgbtq #happy pride 🌈

[worryinglyinnocent]

Questions for writers: #1, 5, 6, 50

1. Favorite place to write.

Sitting on my bed with all my pillows piled up against the headboard and one of my ducks on hand for helping with plot problems.

5. Books or authors that influenced your style the most.

Eh, I’m not sure Dickens influenced my style in a good way, but he’s where I get my purple prose, melodrama, and run-on sentences from. 

6. Favorite character you ever created.

From the ones people on Tumblr will recognise, it has got to be Aunt Elvira. I love her so much, she’s just grown out of all proportion and become a figure in her own right. I just desperately needed to give Gold some family who loved him. When we got the spinsters in the show, it felt like fate. 

My all time favourite, however, is a character named Camilla whom I created as an OC for a very long, very terrible Harry Potter fic that, to my intense shame, is still floating about on FF.net somewhere. However terrible the fic was, I was proud of Camilla. She was 57 and fearless, and just adopted anyone who was having a bad day. 

I’ve noticed a pattern here… My favourite OCs all tend to be maternal figures… 

50. Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had.

Oh god. So many. I can’t even count and I definitely can’t tell what’s the weirdest. 

Ok, the weirdest is probably the five-way crossover between Human Target, The Tournament, Operation Endgame, Once Upon A Time and Call the Midwife…

#woodelf68 #questions for writers

[kittenwizard3000]

When Nilou turns 3 and you're the spinster aunt (at Friends of River Oaks Park - Pumpkin Park) https://www.instagram.com/p/CV8b81WpMWczRQrvrHML-2SlkAptfcw1rJsU600/?utm_medium=tumblr

[thedurvin]

April’s book discussion was Wilkie Collins’ “the Woman in White” (1859) and uh

lots i could talk about here (subversion of Victorian stereotypes, the origin of the “sensation” genre, also possibly the invention of the epistolary novel, a couple of fucking actually-hilarious-on-purpose characters which is rare for a book this old, I totally recommend it if you don’t mind a bit of purple prose), but I just wanna talk about Marion Halcombe. I’m not gonna try and say that Collins was trying to make her gay, but I think he might have been invoking a certain type of person that you find in histories sometimes and I think would be what Tumblr refers to as “sapphic-coded”:

physically androgynous (manly jaw, large hands, mustache)

tolerates Victorian fashions but really hates having to go out in public in dresses; draws the line at corsets

life plan is to be a spinster aunt to her nieces and nephews and teach them how to fight

never once in the course of multiple romantic subplots ever mentioned being into dudes, either generally or individually; one dude seemed to be into her and at first she was “curiously intrigued” by this fact but as soon as he started looking the least bit sketchy she decided she was physically revolted by his presence (to be fair he did turn out to be just incredibly evil, but still)

at least once every few pages said something to the effect of “if I was a dude I would smack the shit out of that guy” or “hey Walter, I know you’re going off on an adventure and would never ask a chick to come too, but think of me as a dude right quick, I wanna come”. Not “a woman can actually be helpful”, she was pretty explicit “I’m a woman but I basically count as a dude”

So anyway this book isn’t well-known or anything, but I read it and there was no way I was gonna try and have this discussion with my all-boomer group at work. I really do recommend the book.

#durvin read a book

[oldshrewsburyian]

The online class I am teaching has been open for less than 24 hours, and the first AI-generated pseudo-essay has already been submitted. It isn't even responding to the assigned text.

#this has been a psa: do not plagiarize #spinster aunt of tumblr #adventures in academia #college #alec hardy #expresses my spiritual state

[beesandbooks1]

While Ellen has accepted her destiny as a spinster aunt, shuffled between her sisters’ families when needed to care for the children, it seems her cousin and friend have not settled on that themselves. In fact, they have schemed to set her up with her childhood friend Marcus. Marcus, for his part, has been issued an ultimatum. His mother will not relinquish his rightful property–Orchard Hill–until he marries. And so the two enter a mutual arrangement: Ellen receives a guaranteed home, respect, and friendship from her husband. Marcus fulfills the requirements of obtaining his home, Orchard Hill, and a practical and intelligent companion who can also help him manage his home affairs. But of course, practicality can only last for so long…

Once again, Sally Britton delivers on a sweet historical romance novel that plays with some of my favorite tropes. Ellen and Marcus have the foundations for adorable relationship struggles, and I truly enjoy the point in the novel where they’re both beginning to fall in love. Other than encouraging them to stay by each other, I’m not sure what the point of the conflict with the rest of society was, but it didn’t wholly detract from the novel. I kind of wish Ellen had been more stubborn about sticking to her spinster guns, but I also recognize that the decision making they both did was reasonable if also…rushed. Overall, I liked the characters, the use of fake marriage trope, and the love story!

Twitter | Tumblr | Instagram | Ko-Fi

#bookblr #book review #His Bluestocking Bride #Sally Britton #historical romance

[qqueenofhades]

Life is stupid. People are dumb. Why are we even here.

Anon, believe me when I say that I feel you completely, especially right now, and that in this hellworld which we inhabit, it can be hard to find moments that make the long, sucky rest of it remotely worthwhile. But it is my duty as your bitter-but-secretly-caring spinster internet aunt, because you’re feeling crummy, to put my arm around you, offer you a cup of virtual cocoa, and for both our sakes, come up with some things that are in fact decent about this crapsack planet:

1. Books. And bookstores. And walking through bookstores and holding books.

2. The color of sunshine on a hardwood floor late in the afternoon.

3. Vengeance upon your enemies, especially if you, happily, had nothing to do with it and can just sit back and enjoy the schadenfreude.

4. Fresh air, stillness, fallen leaves, and the sensation of space.

5. Coffee. Lbr, this is the reason most of us are still here.

6. Narrow side streets in old European cities.

7. Driving late at night on a long, empty highway where it’s just you, your music, and whatever cryptids are lurking in the cornfields, and everything feels spooky and surreal and strange in just the right way.

8. Internet friendships of many years’ standing, where you’re probably also friends via text/phone and constantly can talk to each other and chat about whatever comes to mind. I have several of these which I cherish dearly.

9. The ocean, walking along the beach, and the smell of salt.

10. A old favorite TV show that you can rewatch many times and it will comfort you, especially when other ones fail you.

11. A cup of cocoa in front of a fire.

12. Fairy lights.

13. The coming violent overthrow of the imperial patriarchalist capitalist dystopia.

14. Getting a sincere compliment on something you worked really hard on, and/or, if you’re a fic author or fanartist, people gushing over your work and getting really invested.

15. Being kind to other people. This is fun. It’s hard to do. But it’s worth it.

16. Naps. Also not to be underrated. Sleep in general. Sleep is great. Especially with big fluffy piles of comforters and pillows.

17.  Cat videos. Truly, why else are we all still on the internet.

18. Those long, green-gold, blue and endless spring evenings where everything is slow and dreamy and peaceful.

19. A nice cold Popsicle on a hot summer day.

20. Girls. Women in general. Hot women. Nice women. Funny women. This may be my gay ass talking, but ladies are the Bomb.

21. Going somewhere you really want to go, and getting there and actually having a great time. Also, traveling in general really helps.

22. Coffee. Worth having on here twice.

23. A long hot bubble bath with a book.

24. Sunsets. Especially way out away from other people/cities. This may sound cliche, but sunsets are just oddly calming. If nothing else, they remind you that you have made it through one more day and can grind your enemies beneath your heel again tomorrow.

25. Hugs, if you’re a hugger (I myself am not, but I don’t mind when people hug me). Most people in your day-to-day life are relatively decent. The really huge assholes are probably far away. Do what you can with those around you. And someone is usually willing to be there for you if you ask. Even if it is just some random tumblr user, like me.

I hope you feel better. Have another cup of cocoa before you go.

#anonymous #ask

[valorfaerie]

Tagged by: @nattah-gudgrrl who tagged me on my main blog and JB side blog :) Rules: tag 10 of your followers you want to get to know better. Name: Maureen Nicknames: Moe, Mosca, Reen, Babs (my middle name is barbara), Red, MoMo, Mofeener, Mofo  Gender: female Star sign: Taurus Height: 5′ 7″ Sexuality: heterosexual Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw Favorite animal: Pandas Average hours of sleep: 6-8 Current time: 1:26pm EST Dog or cat person: Both, but I like cats a little more because they’re a little less work Blankets you sleep with: 1, i use a sheet now too i didn’t used to be a sheet person but it gives me a nice cool layer between me and my blanket Dream Vacation: Set foot on every continent Dream job: Sports photographer When I made this blog: 2011 for valorfaeire, 2013 for usefulspinster Followers: 248 for valorfaerie, 245 for usefulspinster, i’ve gained them faster on the JB blog because it’s content specific Why I made a Tumblr: For valorfaerie it was just a new social media thing to try and for usefulspinster I didn’t want to overwhelm my followers with JB stuff so I gave it its own place  Reason for my URL: valorfaerie is from an RPG is did with my sister back in the day my role was a faerie and it was set in a place called Valor. usefulspinster is from Lady Edith’s line in Downton Abbey “I'm a useful spinster, good at helping out. That is my role. And spinsters get up for breakfast." Useful spinster is my role in my family, I’m the maiden aunt who baby or house sits.

Tagging: @weirddreamergirl @anhaga @annapishtim @openmouthwideeye @isolacaramella @ophg @jmeelee @rachelg1630 @elfogadunk @drafee

#memes

[throwaninkpot]

Tagged by @extraordinary-arbiter-bluebird

Rules: Answer the questions and tag 20 followers you’d like to get to know better.

Name: Ink.

Nickname: Inky. Also, @renza15​ started calling me Bee, and I am surprised by how much I adore that.

Zodiac Sign: I’m not sure?

Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw, apparently.

Height: 5′8″...ish. Why are all my mutuals on here so smol, omw, I can’t protect you all.

Sexual Orientation: Eccentric spinster aunt, who is Uninterested in All That.

Ethnicity: Caucasian. Although if you wanna go more specific than that, I’m proud of my Polish and Irish roots.

Favorite Fruit: Lets go with apples.

Favorite Season: *runs shrieking down a hillside that is dotted by trees with colorful, changing leaves* FAAALLLLL.

Favorite Book Series: Aaahhh, let’s go with...The Queen’s Thief series, by Megan Whalen Turner. I highly recommend.

Favorite Fictional Character: Right now...I’ll be honest, it’s definitely Riza Hawkeye.

Favorite Flower: Roses...and violets...and snapdragons...and clematis...and sunflowers...and apple blossoms

Favorite Scent: Petrichor.

Favorite Color: Green.

Favorite Animal: Dogs.

Favorite Band: I’m not sure. I’ll just say The Oh Hellos.

Coffee, Tea, or Hot Chocolate: Tea! All kinds! I searched forever for an appropriate Uncle Iroh gif to use, but tumblr has failed me.

Average Hours of Sleep: Anywhere from 5-8, honestly.

Number of Blankets: Depends on the weather.

Dream Trip: The dream TSE roadtrip! Travel across the country, picking up fellow Nerdarians (*cough* and Laura *cough*), and then we all hang out in Navarre, Florida for a few days.

Last thing I googled: ...Petrichor. To be sure that I spelled it correctly.

Blog Created: Some time in late 2014.

How many blogs do I follow? A little over 200

Number of Followers:  350, or there abouts.

What I usually post about: ???? Things???

Do I get asks regularly? Not really. I don’t have the best track record with answering ask regularly, tho.

Tag 20 people: @amerraka, @strawbebehmod, @theysangastheyslew, @shaelit, @foxtrotsambablue, @maysartcorner, @rithmeres, @quothshe, @eddisianarchive, @hobbitsetal, @pontmarius, @ladynorbert, @featheredthings, @thisbibliomaniac, and anyone else who would like to do these questions!

#my ramblings

[giraffodil]

Failure Update? LONG POST SORRY

Personal stuff below (I am on mobile, scroll fast) I got super frustrated and decided to take a drive and now I am half way over to the grad school I was going to (from New Mexico to California and I am in Flagstaff Arizona) I COULD just drive the rest of the way over and get my damn self started in the semester. But I have already sent in notification that I am dropping out. BUT I haven't heard confirmation from anyone that they got my email or have done anything about it. BUT I have declined my job transfer in California and accepted my job back in NM. I am still fairly fucked but now slightly to the west of where I was before. I mean, having extreme anxiety attacks that make one barely able to function for days is a fairly good indication that maybe one shouldn't take the most stressful and demanding road available. But failing at this awesome opportunity isn't exactly soothing for my anxiety disorder either. I might as well go over and pick up the damn bed couch thing I had shipped to my dorm that Amazon couldn't cancel delivery on in time. I have no idea how I would get it and/or my money back through the dorm folks. But how surreal and painful would it be to show up, not move in, say hello goodbye, and trundle back home? BUT how terrifying and overwhelming would it be to start the semester off on the heels of an extreme, literally crippling, 3 day long depressive episode? There were hours when I wanted to get up off the floor but literally couldn't. It was bad. I don't know about living in the dorms with this condition. Much less trying to balance a demanding school schedule with the possibility of losing hours or days to this illness. On the other hand, if I go back to NM, I am seriously thinking about looking into getting a therapy dog so I will feel safer living independently. I have a connection to a group who trains them. Please, universe or whatever, help me through this one eh? What am I supposed to do with my life? How do I move forward with my recovery from this mental illness? Do I push through to try and conquer my fears and achieve my highest potential? Do I redefine success and the good life on my own terms and pursue a gentler life? What kind of work will bring me the satisfaction, pride, and joy I need? What about the financial resources I need? The personal growth? The contribution to my community? And for that matter, what is my community? Do I need to have some big impact on the state of justice in the world or just survive and make a few people happier? I am ok being a little poor but will my future kids resent the fact that I could have had a more affluent life but turned it down? What about my parents when they need help In their old age? In what kind of setting should I look for my future partner? What if things get too Naziish here and I need to leave the country? What if I can't manage my student debt? What if I try to be an entrepreneur and don't make it ad go bankrupt? What if I try to make it as an artist and can't support myself and have to keep a day job I hate forever? What if I just get a mediocre regular job like all my friends and lose the ability to follow my passions altogether? What if I was never ever destined to be extraordinary and was always fated to live a dull, ordinary, unremarkable life? What if I look back on my life when I am 80, like my dad, and struggle to find anything significant I have ever done past the age of 25? What if, like my dad, I let my mental illness alienate me from everything except a tiny little world where I can micromanage everything? What if, like my great aunt, I become a spinster and die a virgin? What if by registering on a dating site as a wlw I end up on a registry of known homosexuals to be targeted by alt-right Nazis if they rise in power? What if the attack on the arts and science cuts off both of my possible career interests? What if I become totally dependant on my mom for support for my mental illness? What if I don't find another love of my life and she dies and I am utterly and completely destroyed? What if something happens to my cats? What if Steven Universe gets canceled? What if Eichiro Oda dies before One Piece gets finished? What if I die on accident but because I am known to have had suicidal thoughts the insurance companies don't pay my parents anything? What would happen to my poor mom if I really did harm myself, would she ever be ok again? What do the people at my maybe grad school think of me and my struggling with mental illness? Are they fed up and want me to quit and get out of their hair? Are they rooting for me, and will be disappointed if I don't pull it together and get my degree? Are they entirely too busy to give me a second thought and won't notice or care if I make it or not? What about my potential roommates and classmates and peer mentor and employer and such? How well would they tolerate someone like me who cries a lot and flakes out and is fat and makes too many excuses? What if my potential roommates are homophobic? What if they're lesbians but better than me and don't accept me? What if I run into people I met last year and it is painfully awkward? What if the professors resent me for taking a spot away from another student who could have been successful TWICE? What if I can't find a therapist or get a bad one or have to be on a waiting list for a month or can't get insurance? What if Medicaid suspects me of fraud for some reason and kicks me off and demands that I pay them back for my medications and I can't and I end up in trouble with the law and with terrible credit? What if we inherit a ton of money from the ranch and my mom no longer qualifies for financial aid for her meds and she has to choose between spending her inheritance on medicine or risking her leukemia returning incurably? What if she has a coughing fit and chokes to death while I am away? What if my dad is about to pass away but he doesn't tell me because his paranoia makes him think I don't care or I hate him? What if I find a girlfriend, fall in love, and my extended family finds out and tries to cut my mom and I out of our inheritance? What if my yoyoing on this whole grad school thing has alienated me from my few remaining friends? What if my confidence is permanently fucked by this? What if my mutuals unfollow me for dumping like this? What if my car full of all my worldly possessions is stolen? What if I just get fatter and fatter until I am morbidly obese? What if my new gay haircut gets me attention from homophobes but not other wlw? What if I have a billion cavities or undiagnosed cancers or am diabetic? What if I try to post this long thing and Tumblr loses all of it?

#long post #Personal #wall of text #negative #worries #depression cw #anxiety cw #mental illness cw #paranoia cw #what if

[toseehowthestoryends]

A Different Fate - Chapter 1

Summary: Fiona learns that Rumplestiltskin is the Dark One shortly after Cora breaks his heart, and leaves the Dark Realm to find him. Slowly, they build the relationship they should have had - and Fiona grows determined to restore the destiny she cut away from her son.  Years later, when Belle makes a deal to become the Dark One’s maid, she never expects to find his mother living with him, or to find Fiona encouraging her growing relationship with Rumplestiltskin.

Read it on AO3 | FFN | tumblr tags

This story is a re-working of my story, “A Different Battle,” designed to be compliant with the Black Fairy’s canon backstory, and Rumplestiltskin’s cut away destiny.

Chapter 1—“Good Can Come from Bad”

Centuries Ago:

The boy didn’t have a bit of magic.  Not anymore.

Fiona sighed, watching through the crystal ball as a seven-year-old child—her child—struggle to raise the full bucket of water out of the well.  He was small and slight, perhaps a little underfed, yet was still heartbreakingly cute. His sorrowful brown eyes were the same ones that haunted her in every dream she had, the ones she remembered staring back at her as she held him close as a babe…but he had no magic.  He was no Savior, her son.  Not after what she’d done to him.

I was trying to protect him, Fiona told herself for the thousandth time.  Yet she’d spent seven years searching for her son, for the boy whose name she didn’t even know.  Finding him in the crystal ball had been almost impossible; it had taken her years of working magic on the Dark Realm for her to be able to do so at all. She’d studied and studied since learning of her son’s fate, but the books she had used to learn were beyond her reach, now.  Everything she had learned had been focusing on protecting her son and destroying the one destined to kill him, and she’d left the part of finding people to Tiger Lily.  Even worse, everything she had learned had been fairy magic.  Light magic.  And since her transformation, none of that seemed to work for her.

So, she had had to reinvent magic and re-learn from scratch.  Fiona did know that no fairy had ever gone dark before, not before her, and that meant she tread upon untouched ground.  It might have taken her seven years to find her son, but she had found him now, and soon she’d find a way to escape her exile.  Then they could be a family together.  Forever.

“I didn’t want to leave you.  My beautiful boy.”  The whisper escaped as she cradled the crystal ball in both hands, watching as the boy finally wrestled the bucket out of the well, filling the one he had brought along with him and standing on his toes to put the original one back.  Then he picked up his own bucket, lugging it inexpertly off to the east, towards the shops on High Street.

After a few minutes, the boy bumped into the baker.  Fiona concentrated hard listen to the short conversation, curious to see how the boy would handle the hulking man who clearly looked down upon him.

“Where are ye takin’ that water, laddie?” the baker demanded gruffly.

“To my aunts’,” the child answered, his voice so quiet that Fiona had to cast still more magic on the ball to hear him.  He was frightened, her boy was, and he shouldn’t ever have had to be frightened.

And why was he with his ‘aunts’?  Malcolm didn’t have any sisters.  He’d been an only child.  Had her husband remarried?  The thought made her heart twist in her chest, and Fiona felt furious darkness coursing through her veins.  She wanted to destroy this man who glared down upon her son, wanted to make him suffer for intimidating her boy.

“Who might ‘ey be?  I ain’t seen ye ‘round here before.”

“The town spinsters,” the boy whispered, and Fiona wanted to shake some confidence into him.  

Where is Malcolm?  Does he let people bully our son like this?  Surely he would not.  He loved us both so much. They had been so certain that they had a bright and brilliant future ahead of them, that they would raise their child in the light of their love.  Blue had ruined everything when she’d exiled her, hadn’t she?  That bitch had made it so that her son would grow up with only his father, and Fiona knew how easily led Malcolm had been.  He’d always wanted someone to follow, and what if Blue had said something to him that turned him against their precious boy?

“Eh,” the baker spat.  “Strange ‘uns, those two.”

Fiona burned to hear her son speak up, but he only shrugged, cringing away the butcher ever so slightly.  She wanted so badly to be there, to flatten that fat bully of a butcher into goo, but only her magic could leave the Dark Realm, and not for very long.  The spell was even now becoming unstable, with the image’s edges growing blurrier and blurrier.  She could barely see her son, now, but even the distance couldn’t hide the way that the baker snatched the bucket away from her boy…or the way he walked away crying.

She had to reach him somehow.  

Years passed, and Fiona began to find cracks in the magic that held her in the Dark Realm. She could escape, but never for very long—never long enough. And it was too late.  By the time she could first slip out, her son would have been a man…and even in the Dark Realm, she had heard about the terrible war that had ravaged her homeland.  By the time she was able to return to the Frontlands, all she heard was tales of how the population had been decimated during the twenty years of war, about how every boy and girl over the age of fourteen had been required to fight.  Her son, her magicless son, would have stood no chance against such creatures, and that was all her fault.

I killed him.  I was trying to save him, and I killed him. Fiona felt too numb to even properly grieve.  She didn’t listen to the rest of the stories, not about how a new Dark One had taken on the ogres and somehow won the war, saving all the children.  She didn’t care about that.  She had doomed her son, and that meant she really was as dark and as evil as Blue thought she was.  She had fulfilled the prophecy, albeit not in a way that she had ever wanted to.  Even though she’d stripped her boy’s fate away, she had killed him all the same.

She put up no fight while being pulled back to the Dark Realm.  Not that time.

The Present

Soon enough, she started taking children.  Fiona didn’t really think about it, not at first.  She just wanted to.  And the first two she took were abandoned, with nowhere else to go.  They came with her happily, eager to explore a new world and be with someone who might care for them.  Yet Fiona quickly learned that her dark little realm was hesitant to produce creature comforts for children; she tried and tried to be kind to them, and yet quickly found herself becoming more and more terrible.  She wanted to protect them, wanted to raise them to be strong, and yet everything seemed to go wrong.  Eventually, she set them to harvesting the dark fairy dust that the world was just so eager to create, thinking that she could use it to escape.

Of course, that attempt blew up in her face, just as she should have known it would. Blue wouldn’t have sent her somewhere that she could escape with dark magic, would she have?  Damn her to every hell there is!  Blue had sent her to a place that only made her darker, that made even her love for her son sour and turn ugly.  My dead son.  She couldn’t get his seven-year-old face out of her mind. Fiona hadn’t been able to find him after that, and she’d never known why.  No amount of dark magic, no seeing spell, had led her to him, and her heart still ached for the boy she had burned to protect.  

Yet now it was her body burning as the magic tried to tear her apart, and it killed four of the children whom she had brought there.  Two survived, however, but the boy was glaring at her.

“What are you staring at, child?” Fiona snarled before she could stop herself.  “Get back to work!”

She hated them all, she’d realized.  She wanted a child to love, but they weren’t her children, so they didn’t matter.  And Fiona wanted more than anything to hurt someone right now, because all the darkness had brought her nothing. Taking power to protect her son had made her lose that son.  Losing that son had meant he died in a war she couldn’t stop, and now even dark magic failed to free her.

Her hands came up, power crackling in her palms and ready to rip the boy to pieces, when the little ingrate snorted.  “If I’d realized you were just as crazy as him, I’d have stayed with Pan.”

“With who?” Curiosity made her pause.  Had this boy been the one she’d taken out of that wretched little jungle world?  He’d been desperately wishing for escape, and she’d given it to him.  Ungrateful little snot.  Hadn’t his name been Edmund, or something like that?

“Pan.” The boy actually had the audacity to sneer.  “He’s as crazy as you are, but at least we aren’t working in mines on Neverland.”  A roll of wrong-shaded brown eyes.  “And he’s more powerful than you.”

“Of course he isn’t, you adorable little fool.  No one’s more powerful than I am.”  Except for Blue, a traitorous side of her mind pointed out, but that wasn’t true anymore, was it? Blue might have exiled her and taken her wand, but Fiona had learned things about magic that Blue would never know.  And she didn’t need her wand any longer, either.  Still, she was interested.  Someone so powerful might prove able to get her out of this constricting little realm. So, she stepped forward and smiled. “Do tell me about this…Pan.”

The boy just shrugged.  “They say he’s a demon.  He’s certainly not a witch, anyway.  I’ve met those.”

“Neither am I, you silly idiot.  I’m a fairy. A dark fairy.  And there’s no such thing as demons who can take human form.  There’s only darkness corrupting men.”  Fiona knew that for a fact.  She might not have been able to remember everything she’d studied, but she knew that demons couldn’t look human.

“They say he was a man.”  Edmund chewed his lip.  “Or Tiger Lily said so, anyway.  She said he was a man before he became Pan, but she might’ve been lying. Pan says she lies, but on the balance, I’m more likely to believe her.  She’s not rotten to the core.”

“Tiger Lily?”  Shock made her stumble back a step before Fiona could catch herself.  She hardly heard the rest of what the boy said. “Tiger Lily is in that damp little jungle?”  

She had words to say to her old friend, after all.  And perhaps some very homicidal magic.  Fiona felt an anticipatory chill roll down her spine; even if she couldn’t get this Pan creature to help her escape, she could at least find out why her son’s fairy godmother had let him die in the Ogre War.  Fiona was a realist; she knew she had doomed her son when she’d stripped him of magic and then been unable to protect him.  Yet a small corner of her heart had always hoped that Tiger Lily might protect him in her stead.

Tiger Lily hadn’t, of course.  Fairies apparently didn’t care about unimportant children.  If they did, Fiona never would have been able to take so many of them.  She had half-hoped one of Blue’s minions would stop her, yet something around two hundred years had passed in the Enchanted Forest, and none of them had even tried.

“Yeah.” He gave her droll look, and Fiona rolled her eyes when he volunteered no more.  She could try to frighten answers out of him, and while that could be fun…she had better things to do.

“Why? Why would she be there?”

“Dunno. Pan doesn’t like her, though.  And she most assuredly doesn’t like him.”

“Well, that does sound promising.”  Fiona discarded all notions of intimidating the boy and felt a real smile forming.  “Tell me more about Pan and this ‘Neverland’.”

“You told me your father abandoned you, but what about your mother?”  Cora’s words were quiet, muffled with the way her head was tucked against his shoulder, and Rumplestiltskin almost chose to ignore them.

You’ve told her too much already, Nimue’s voice whispered inside him.  He’d realized over the years that she always showed up when he was growing difficult. The rest of the time she left the whisperings to Zoso, but the more he resisted, the more often she spoke in his mind. Thus far, she hadn’t said much in regards to Cora, which a part of Rumplestiltskin knew was a bad sign.  He wanted to believe that was just because he had been the Dark One for so long and understood the darkness so well, but deep down, he knew better.

“She left.” Rumplestiltskin shrugged.  It was unimportant, anyway, this information he’d given Cora.  “Or died. It doesn’t matter.”

“Why not?” Fingers played with the laces on his shirt, sending a shiver down Rumplestiltskin’s spine.

“She’s long dead, I’m sure.”  Pain welled up, but he pushed it down.  The past doesn’t matter, he told himself firmly.  “I never even knew her name.”

“But weren’t you curious?”  Cora sat up, giving him an enticing look at her breasts.  “Wouldn’t you even want to know her name?  My mother died when I was small, and I badgered my drunk of a father until he told me everything.”

He felt his eyes narrow.  “Mine didn’t stick around that long,” Rumplestiltskin muttered darkly.  “There’s likely nothing to know, anyway.  She didn’t even bother to name me.”

“Well, then I suppose that I won’t be gaining a mother-in-law, will I?” Cora’s laugh was soft, but there was nothing soft about the kiss she leaned in to give him. It was hard and demanding, just like the woman herself, full of lust and darkness both.

And that was what he wanted, wasn’t it?

Tiger Lily was the one decent person on the entire island.  Baelfire didn’t know why she was there, but he sought her out as often as he could.  She was pretty good at scaring the Lost Boys away, even if Pan wasn’t really afraid of her. Still, Pan mostly left her alone, which meant she was a good person to hide with when Bae had to get away.  She was nice, anyway, and he thought she was lonely, too.

Neverland, after all, was a lonely place.  No one really wanted to be there, except for Pan, and maybe Felix.  Sometimes Bae wasn’t even sure that Pan was happy with the world he ruled.  He certainly didn’t act happy between his power games and tormenting people.  Smirks and laughter aside, Pan often seemed as miserable as the rest of them.  Bae wasn’t stupid enough to ask, though. Asking questions of Pan was something he’d learned not to do forever ago.  Time didn’t really make sense in Neverland, but Bae knew that a lot of it had passed. Some of the other boys were convinced that it hadn’t, but he’d talked to new boy from the Land Without Magic, and he’d said that it was the 1940s there. Some big war was going on, and according to Ed, it made the Land Without Magic even worse than this place.  Bae wasn’t sure which he’d prefer, but either way, he knew that time was passing in real worlds.  Unlike here.

“Tiger Lily? You there?” Anyone with sense approached Tiger Lily’s cave carefully; she didn’t like most of the Lost Boys, and her darts hurt like the devil.

“Baelfire?” The tall woman showed herself after a moment, her eyes narrowed suspiciously. “What are you doing here?”

He contemplated lying, and then shrugged.  “Looking for Ed.  He disappeared a few nights ago, and I was kind of hoping he was hiding with you.”  

“Why would he be hiding with me?” Tiger Lily cocked her head curiously, which only made Bae shrug again.

“Better than the alternatives?”

“I suppose that’s true enough.”  She sighed, and then gestured him close to the fire, where there were a few logs to sit on.  “Ed’s not here.  I haven’t seen him since he was last here with you.”

“Oh.” He felt his shoulders slump as he sat down.  “Do you think the pirates got him?”

Ed was about Bae’s age, after all, which meant he was old enough for Hook and his cutthroats to want to turn into a cabin boy or something else stupid.  Of course, Bae knew how well that worked out, but he hadn’t thought to tell Ed. Ed had been supremely confident in his ability to survive anything and everything, and Bae hadn’t had the heart to disabuse him of the notion.  Whatever witch Ed had faced in the past—although how he’d done that in the Land Without Magic, Bae wasn’t sure—he hadn’t had to deal with Pan for very long. He just didn’t get it.

“Maybe, but I haven’t seen Hook or his crew on shore in weeks.”  Tiger Lily’s eyes searched his face.  “Are you all right, Baelfire?”

“Sure. Right as rain.”

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a terrible liar?”

He snorted. “Few times.  Doesn’t matter, not here.”

“You’ve been here a long time, haven’t you?”  Her smile was sad, but Bae brushed it off.  Tiger Lily had been here for quite a while, too, but he knew he’d been there longer than she had.  Still, that didn’t mean he was going to trust her.  Trusting anything in Neverland was just stupid.

“I guess, yeah.”  He wasn’t going to tell her about his escape plans, either.  All he had to do was figure out a way to catch that stupid shadow, and Baelfire would be out of here as fast as it could carry him.

“Where were you from originally?”

That question made him narrow his eyes, but it wasn’t like Pan didn’t somehow know everything about him, so there was no reason to lie.  Pan knew more about Baelfire’s family than Bae did, which was annoying because he never knew how Pan knew.  Maybe Hook had told him.  Hook was certainly happy to tell anyone who would listen about what had happened to Bae’s mother, and his story was always punctuated with long-winded speeches about revenge. Still, it meant that Tiger Lily at least wasn’t fishing on Pan’s behalf.  “The Enchanted Forest.”  Bae kicked some dirt around with his toe.  “Like most people here.”

Of course, recently the shadow had been grabbing people from the Land Without Magic, and there was even one boy from Wonderland, but it was usually the Enchanted Forest.  Bae knew why, but if Tiger Lily didn’t, he wasn’t going to tell her.

“So was I.” Her eyes focused in the distance for a long moment, and Bae thought she might look regretful.  “A long time ago.  Before I came here.”

“You came here willingly?”  He couldn’t stop his jaw from dropping.  Who in their right mind came to Neverland willingly? “You’ve got to be—”

A cheerful laugh cut him off.  “Well, as exiles go, it’s certainly superior to the place some of us were sent.”

Tiger Lily shot to her feet right away, and Bae followed suit, twisting to see a dark haired woman clad in black standing in the mouth of the cave.   She was smiling a rather creepy smile, one that sent a chill down his spine, but it was the absolutely terrified look on Tiger Lily’s face that actually made him wary.

“How did you get here?” Tiger Lily sounded like she didn’t mean to ask the question, but she had.  “The Blue Fairy exiled you!”

“Oops.” A giggle.  “Was that supposed to stick?”

“Baelfire, get back.”  Tiger Lily stepped forward as if to shield him from the newcomer.  After a moment’s hesitation, Bae complied.  He had enough trouble here with the way Pan targeted him all the time, and didn’t need to buy more.

“Oh, why so worried for the boy, old friend?  You can’t possibly think I’d hurt him.”

“I have no idea what you’d do.”  Tiger Lily looked as angry as she did protective.  “I don’t know you anymore.  Not after what you did!”

“It’s funny you should mention that.”  Another smile, this one even more dangerous than the first.  “Because that’s exactly what I’m here to talk about.”  Magic crackled in the air, suddenly, dark and dangerous.  “And let’s just say that I’m not interested in letting you avoid answering my questions.”

A/N: If you’ve enjoyed this chapter, please do let me know!  I hope to start posting twice a week with this story, so look for the next chapter on Friday.  After that, expect a Tuesday-Friday posting schedule.

Next up, Chapter 2—“This Cruel Trick of Fate”, in which Tiger Lily provides answers, Pan introduces himself to the Black Fairy, Cora breaks it off with Rumplestiltskin, and Fiona makes a fateful decision.

#a different fate #rumbelle fic #gold family drama #the black fairy #rumplestiltskin #belle gold #tiger lily #ouat fanfiction #ouat au #a different battle #rework of that story

[tinkiisms]

get to know me!

Tagged by: nobody

IN GENERAL:

REAL NAME: Sarena

NICKNAMES: Bena

SEXUALITY: Bisexual!

PREFERRED PRONOUNS: She/her

ARE YOU A MORNING PERSON?:Tbh if I’m waking up on my own, I chase my dreams into more sleep and wake up way too late. But if I actually get up at a reasonable hour I tend to be happy and productive that day, so yes I suppose!

WHEN SWIMMING, DO YOU PREFER TO DO IT IN THE OCEAN, OR IN A LAKE?: Lake is fun, but I prefer the ocean just because I love to jump the waves before they crest--and there are also seashells and laying in the sun on the sand is more fun on a proper beach. (WHAT!? A lake’s edge is not a proper beach? How very dare I....)

ON TUMBLR:

ANYONE YOU WOULD LIKE TO MEET IN REAL LIFE?: Sam (@flitterific-critters​) and Katie (@fireversed​) are probably the only ones

ANYONE YOU HAVE MET IN REAL LIFE?: My friend Danielle who used to RP some fairy blogs but hasn’t in a while. She’s writing her own book now, I’m so proud <3

WHEN DID YOU FIRST JOIN? HOW OLD IS YOUR CURRENT ACCOUNT?: I think I first joined...probably middle school or freshman year, which...I’m 20 now so you do the math. And this blog is 2 and a half years old now!

ANY PEEVES?: When it’s very clear someone hasn’t read my rules or about page (this happened once on my Barbie blog) or when people reblog my posts that say “don’t reblog” right on them. And of course when people spell Tink’s name wrong, but I swear I’m so used to it that most of the time my eyes just skim right over it and ignore!

UNPOPULAR OPINION: I’m more inclined to worry about the people that call themselves “drama-free”/“hate-free” blogs than people who just...simply don’t get involved in drama or send hate. I guess it’s a matter of “actions speak louder than words” and I don’t inherently trust someone who says “you should trust me” unless they actually show it.

FEELINGS:

DO YOU EASILY GET JEALOUS?: I keep it bundled all up inside me because I don’t want to be That Person but I’m sure I feel plenty of jealousy when I’m afraid of being replaced by a friend, so yeah.

DO YOU EASILY GET ANGRY?: Not for quite a while. I used to have a bad temper as a child and now I’m more cool and forgiving. My mom and sister intentionally try to rile me up all the time by saying things that they know will upset me, because they think it’s funny/cute when I’m mad.

ARE YOU EASY TO CHEER UP?: Not so much. I mean, if I get into a bad depressive spiral/panic attack, my mom has to force me to take medication and not hyperventilate. But even in a normal sad-situation I’m the kind of person who, if I have to have a cry, I just want to have my cry and get it out of my system and feel better afterward for it. I don’t want to be bottled up before the negativity has a chance to exhaust itself.

ARE YOU GOOD AT HIDING YOUR EMOTIONS?: I think I’m almost the opposite way because I don’t try to hide my emotions most of the time, I practically project them. I wear my emotions as expressions on my face (that’s what faces are for!) and want people to know if I’m happy or annoyed or confused or what.

On the other hand, if I’m trying to be polite/friendly in a face-to-face conversation, I do smile the entire time. Even if it’s just the corners of the lips, while I’m listening, it’s important and natural. I don’t want to make people feel uncomfortable or think I’m not enjoying the conversation (I do feel uneasy if people I’m talking to aren’t smiling) so unless I’m close enough with them or know them well enough to know we’re not bored with each other, I smile.

WHAT’S THE VERY BEST WAY TO CHEER YOU UP?: Get me talking about my interests/something I love. If you focus me on something else that I’m passionate about, I will get distracted!

RELATIONSHIPS:

ARE YOU CURRENTLY IN A RELATIONSHIP?: No

DO YOU CURRENTLY HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE?: No, but I wish I did! Crushes are so fun, but I haven’t had one in a long time. Starbucks boy doesn’t count.

IF YES, MIGHT THAT SOMEONE BE READING THIS?: Nope

DO YOU KISS ON THE FIRST DATE?: I’ve never been on a date, really. Also I’ve never had my first kiss!! Which is.....very sad and hopefully the start of a romcom and not a spinster life.

DO YOU PREFER GOING OUT, OR STAYING HOME, WHEN IT COMES TO DATES?: I assume I would like both in different measures. I don’t want to always be going out because I’m an introvert (or a homebody, whatever) and would enjoy hanging out at home with a bf/gf, but I also don’t want to stay home all the time. I’d love dates to the movies or restaurant or ice skating or something-to-do-with-the-beach-if-I-actually-lived-there!

THINGS:

FAVORITE DRINK: Water. I am truly a water fairy, I can’t have anything else!!

FAVORITE FOOD: Pot roast. More specifically. my papa’s pot roast. (After that my aunt’s pot roast. Or restaurant pot roast...Sorry, mom! </3)

MOST CALMING PLACE?: HOME. There’s no place like home. Except a tropical island, that’s way better actually.

MOST STRESSFUL PLACE?:  A crowded party/gathering maybe, especially if I don’t know most of the people there. Or someone else’s house when I’m not 100% comfortable with them.

MOST PRIZED POSSESSION?:  I don’t know if they count as “possessions” since they’re pets but I play this question by the “if the house was on fire--” game and I would save them first, so my cat and dog. They’re the most loving, adorable, smart, funny, handsome, sweet boys I’ve ever met. They’re treasures.

TAGGING: nobody, but if you wanna do it please REPOST in a new post, don’t reblog

#⊹*⋅✧ | ᵒᵘᵗ ᵒᶠ ᵏᵉᵗᵗᶫᵉˢ (ooc)