#still suffering to covid. mercy.

[bajablastable]

sorry i keep making sigma a catto

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd nikolai #bsd sigma #is it obvious im trying to figure out how i want to drew sigma #also testing coloring and stuff for gif quality. <- clueless. #i forgot sigma's earrings. well. anyways. #still suffering to covid. mercy.

[toinfinitywinning]

this is get to know you time. the cringy name game at every camp in the world you do with toilet paper. enough.

Conversations and thoughts resembling the same level of random and incongruence of my Apple Music library. like Josh Groban is to Eminem: Mercy Me. a lot about everything that’s not a hashtag bc it just needs more attention.

Let the first (post) be first:

Hi. I’ve never done this before (like a seriously grown up blog on purpose. Just when just followed sad somewhat desperate poetry with a random live-laugh-love meme in there somewhere.) and Pitch Perfect.

BUT.

For 2 years I’ve had Long-Haul COVID. It’s a different kind of lonely

Thanks so much, amirite? —Gen-Z apologies if I didn’t use that jumbled acronym-word correctly.

It’s hard to keep up.

See? What am I talking about now and how did I get there…

Due to a very common symptom of LHC…

Again—hard to keep up. It’s there. Tho

And I have a lot of quirk so it’s possible I think you’ll “get” but are just nice not to tell me

BUT.

It’s already gone. Train left the Station yesterday.

Slipped on a penny.

Not Good. not even funny.

Teens with the gorgeous graffiti have to Go elsewhere. I’ve always been jealous of that kind talent.

Whole lot better than something else shiny thrown on the track and it’s derailed. There’s at least some innocence in a paint can.

WOW.

I have major attention and Brain Fog hurdles to conquer or shortly bypass. You might not be able to tell b/c of how My writing jumps around so infrequently.

Not true but still easier.

Mostly innocent and playful.

Sadly the attention part is this many years young.

Writing comes naturally. As it always has, strangely...

And why is healing so exhausting? Writing is therapeutic but My body says—can you not?

i know im not the only one asking that!

As if I have time for that too.

find a community of people suffering just as similarly and gain strength, tips and tricks.

Just, speak-screen edit my writing for me. Maybe a clarification fact-✔.

Just not wherever Tr*mp gets his.

Could be Truth Social. Monthly fee tho will cost you your Red Hat.

MYGAbad

Speaking I struggle with processing w/e skills I must have held onto.

BUT.

Since 2 years is quite. some. time.—I’ve shared many struggles and victories.

Like a Bell curve. Or a punk Domino falling then lining them up takes longer just to go down again in half the time. Repeat.

It’s very likely I Will try to talk about many things at once.

I really can’t help that. LOL.

Jury’s still out but I get most of my writing and miscellaneous musings from mom.

Dad can write the best, longest, and precious prayers and notes.

Almost delicately but like you KNOW he’s giving you a hug.

A Good mix tape’s paper Version.

Enter Run on sentences. Truly a stream by now.

Although my brain muscle is weak I’ve been encouraged by several people to Start a blog. Someday I’ll include the past 2 years of w/e pics are on other SocMed.

I can’t think of anything worse.

Yea, okay LOL.

Judgment free. Occasionally… like normal doses then have to work through that.

Mostly that’s because I knew nothing about anything before I opened My computer and started sharing My thoughts under zero context ridden or form at all.

More likely as well to offend and piss someone off. Well done you’re now one less friend popular. There’s an App for that tho-tracking people Who don’t like you.

Not sure where I’ll land with this. It may not land you either.

Because like a lot of us. Sometimes you don’t get to talk actually. No Room.

I like routine; that’s out. So it gets dull.

I’ve learned I hadn’t yet given myself the space to see all of things I can do sitting down.

But. By “given” I mean to say that perhaps I didn’t know it was there.

One Good thing I’ve gathered from this Hell.

Hell fresh by the Day! Never frozen.

So at that time and in this case of my life; sitting is fine.

Some of it isn’t too bad. The writing. You will find questionable punctuation. Run on sentences that I was running.

Relevance at all.

All around Confusion…altho connect the dots could have been seen as practice.

Or annoying even. I’d have no words.

I truly don’t set out to be funny. I could never do stand-up or improv. Or act.

Humor forced just takes and receives too much energy that might come off insincere.

Nothing on command.

Like Matt Perry’s brilliant improv wit it just doesn’t hit the same.

B/c it was scripted.

A syllabus for it Imagine.

The horn to jump off the swim block.

It’s when Life feels more scripted a lot of people close up.

That’s because you’re not in charge anymore. I’ve lost the Power.

Don’t prefer caring about whether someone likes me like I used to.

I believe you can snooze me for 30 days or say ‘I’m done w/ her’ and send Me to the cyberarchives.

Okay. Okay.

So—90% of the time I’m witty and sarcastic with a bit of cynicism, discomfort (for you), and pettifogging.

I write primarily about the questions of intersectionality.

How do things fit.

Let’s Fit it.

Until I figured out physics and calculus and basic math were behind a career in architecture and the classes I would have to take, I enjoyed taking things apart to make something else.

Not always pretty.

Could be Good what I took apart was the best thing we can’t see.

Like I’m writing questions but with wisdom not meaning to do that either,

A lot of people don’t like that. You do you! Baby.

I don’t mean to be at all harsh or hurtful. I try not to say that anything vainly.

I say it b/c a lot of what I’m writing is all of every piece of stream of consciousness tallied.

And it was a synapse connecting another.

Maybe that’s the creative part? The other side of My Brain is telling Me to ✔ on the other side so I’m like…crickets.

What I write is stream of consciousness, brutally honest and to some might be lightly offensive. In College writing this Way would’ve absolutely driven Me crazy.

Then life steps in and bonks u on the head with a newspaper but 15 years later returns the favor with an iPhone.

Or too blunt. And comes across as harsh. And that’s mostly because if I don’t have an emoji to match my real-life broken ღ I’m breaking up with you.

Self reflection: impulsive

I used to journal so much growing up.

When did I lose that innocence?

We can’t talk about folding paper into cranes and witchcraft finger fortune games anymore?

No more MASH?

Huh, maybe you weren’t born this Way. Ur Parents just drew circles nearest each other or your apple stem twist broke too soon and you want a partner whose name starts with P.

Very often I overshare. If you’re reading this this is not brand new information. No ability to say things simply. Think I’ve already. That can put me really vulnerable to more bitcoin hacks.

And then you need to figure out what bitcoin is. And whether Mario can collect coins as well in place of the hackers.

I’d say ask Tom Brady b/c of his investments but since retirement he’s been pretty deflated.

Mean people that mean to hurt.

First of all I feel sorry for you. Not in a poor you tho.

People Who hurt on purpose don’t often have any Way to vent or get a rise other than evoke feelings in and deflect toward a schoolmate.

Skip back to the part I tried talking about vulnerability. It truly is the invisible cloak and no one can see you but nothing makes sense still and you’ve only fixed what’s on the outside. Now you’re peeved AND cloaked.

At this conjunction junction next I’d suggest try shopping at Target opposed to Abercrombie then.

Feet in the water right above bankruptcy to see how things could be different only what…if?

Good ♧ seriously.

So there’s more grace given when you fall. When it’s not your month Day or even year!

Nobody is there for you!!

And My cloak is getting rained on.

Maybe gathering strength from falling will come a common sense with a 6th one but with seriously meaningful things I’ve learned and less hard knock’s Life for us.

The hard Way.

The bottom’s still there and it actually stinks stinks. Discouraging b/c there are two sides to the bottom of the cave full of stalagTITES and mites.

All the up’s and down’s. Right there. And the COVID-19 bat OMG!

You know you may not be able to fall any further further but once you’re up again you’re wondering whether you should get some cement to close that thing off.

Choose to live! But welcome to the real world—it sucks—ur gonna Love it.

Almost 4got. In the cave you dont always have to wait for Jesus to be resurrected if that metaphor comforts you but if change comes and it requires a whole new worm can of Life we already can’t handle that gets us outta the dank I don’t think we need to ask permission to the rights of that Bible passage.

BUT.

Until YOU are ready for change...

Forget it. At least you meant well. Someone can guide that horse to water but it stays pretty hydrated, so he says he’s Good. Promise. The only talking animal and it was Me Who got to hear it. More importantly, who’s gonna ☊? Care? There’s a country song finding out Who your Friends are. A lot stay lost and it’s not helpful all our Friends aren’t the same.

Missing a Good chance to find out if you’re in a similar predicament and that not always a bad thing.

At times I have literally had to be lifted off the floor.

I don’t do this at all for pity. As you read, My Pride is the biggest obstacle to let Go.

When you do?

The hard way through this.

I am angry and irritable for bouts. Sometimes I’m silly and invite karma punishments.

Go all Brimstone and every type fire and the Old Testament has nothing New-thinking and no one new to add to it. SMH. Nail a list on the wooden church door reading it is nearing endgame. Or, Just open your hotel drawer and tear out the back half.

So change then— If it were Me and it has been just not an actual hole I’d be outta there due to the spiders and crickets alone. Jiminy’s Cool.

If u can’t change and just stay a novice bunny hill—fine! Stay there. Build some confidence through experience.

And isn’t that another thing? Something specific motivates the fire under your (cuckoo!) and before you’d see the dark without any End of the tunnel and more importantly with the light aspect. All the sudden you care b/c what? It applies to you of course be selfish. Fascinating yet humbling.

Then there’s the ‘Why Me’ (?) phase? Not fully pitiful but just pretentious enough to resume the trailblaze. Bad attitude with a healthy dose of are we there yet and trying to Balance whether someone is saying …’they get it; you always feel bad’ so…KY Basketball banter? Ashamed accompanies too bc thing is a few times I did kind of scoff at phrases like I always feel bad. Like, here’s 2 Extra strength Tylenol.Alright, Ok, come test for Covid 1/29/22. It shouldn’t take going through something to empathize with or change but you could’ve listened for longer with a clear mind. Just cannot wrap your head around it and I think sometimes that’s okay. What’s next I’ll try so hard.

+ It’s 12:01am of 1/29/24 (so last night), you still can’t do math and/or struggle to add or subtract 12 so aren’t entirely sure its your sophomore year orientation, and you already surrender to what you didn’t want to get up for in the first place. Kind of silly u set the alarm! B/c Pain, confusion, Discomfort and a Deep loneliness that has very little to do with people awaits. That whole scenario is a disaster but look who’s standing and GOT. UP. period. 15 years ago that’s where I’d be. Just defeated.

THAT. Is enough some days. I say that to you struggling to believe the same but know Deep down.

Year 2 longhaul and youre wondering why there are anniversaries at all given about half are always sad or tragic. Evoking the worst on what could be the best. Might be something To think 2 minutes ago you’d ended your prayer to have a better Day. Of anything is true about everything happens for a reason I’d say having to chooose how to respond given you have the privilege at all to that just means were normal. B/c ill be honest I would not

I’m angry. WHAT is so complicated about your lack of Faith or belief prayer must go into an encrypted iCloud even the FBI can’t retrieve or interpret. Never had a chance! But I’ll add that it’s worth noting prayer doesn’t deal with its existence in transaction currencies..

Feel less Pain but feel more with it or stronger now. Or, just plain ‘ol numb. Similar to Addiction I suppose people get so used to being healthy one Way or another they don’t even notice better OR worse and no one is getting married.

Truth is.

Yea.

I’m in Hell, but I’m not on a ventilator. I’m not without relentless Support.

I still can smile but laugh just a bit before it hurts.

Something is always worse.

SomeONE is doing worse.

Somewhere and definitely rn.

I never knew I’d be dealing greed of perspective for this Long.

Something you’ll never find out about that changed your life’s trajectory where an explanation would have only confused things.

Then we still have the chance to be astonished and then genuine bc of that. Thankful. Expectant. With Faith somehow. Maybe carrying someone else’s Hope for a while might burden you less for a short time.

You dont need to see eye struggle and suffering. You dont need examples. You just know. There’s a fleeting peace u might not see again for 2 days but in knowing it’s not just you with the same bs going on.

Like here. Here is someone who needs support but in a different Way but how unique it could be to trade just for a bit. It’s not leg day this time remember u agreed a temp trade.

We don’t have to know everything. Most of the time I don’t give God the time to keep up w/ Me let alone do anything miraculous before I just hang up.

Although My Life was headed in a completely renewed direction in so many ways of recovery—

I got sick. Not because it was meant to be.

Because COVID. Possibly a rabid bat. Cracked vile or petri-dish

Everything does not happen for a reason and ppl dont like hearing that bc its an easy out. Says time might go on but this thorn wont ever heal. How do we respond? that’s the most authentic and a strength yes or no wand.

I hate cliché. Thing is tho…I think we all hate it b/c it doesn’t hold us accountable. Eh it’s fine.

Unfortunately we wouldn’t have the pretty, surprise, one of the Walk to Remember walks. All up to the of healing and forgiveness individual to each of us.

If for Me that means ive healed all I can and I’m counting on research to help Me out some more maybe I just keep going. Trust Me nothing is forgotten but you do know now that at least you were strong and capable enough to figure all that at all. And—I can do that. Some days aren’t that kind.

Maybe it becomes a goal we never anticipated but ✔ your resilience at the ticket line and saddle up, honey.this donkey only holds ____ lbs. let some things Go. That thing will still only walk in a circle but you’ve evenly distributed your baggage.

The feeling of pure joy. Which btw does still require a thesaurus b/c it is NOT the same as joy. Like a preventative Med to an acute one.

Then feel Accomplishment.

Not knowing what’s next but trying to be prepared.

It’s a surprise party we never RSVP’d and don’t regret it.

And it’s a Good thing u got outbid for that yacht.

Hell, tho, you won’t be forgotten but pushing helps the donkey move faster for now that is acceptable.

Unshun. Reshun. (This will make sense if you Watch the Office)

Flee fly. Be gone. Thankfully we hope to come out more resilient after the rip and tear and often not fully repaired sewing lessons.

But perhaps the biggest trait I’ve had to work on is My Pride. I want to do it.

I’ll give myself 3 strikes. 4 balls.

Then I walk to First.

Please do not get Me a gift.

I Love you and that was so sweet.

Would I be as generous?

Do u work, yea. It’s just one really hurts more and being tough isn’t tough at all if it’s not helping the worst hurt.

Those are sitting down, timeout thoughts.

The compression socks need to breathe.

But once the Pride slides over, let go, I get to know how it feels to very tangibly be taken care of and watched over.

Patience. The other side of a rant.

Later on that.

My main goal is to learn. Connect. Be called out if something comes off really tasteless.

Laugh at things that don’t have anything to do with being chronically sick. Laugh about what Medicine u had to administer and royally failed.

Sometimes all coupled with a handicap car-tag. No crutches either b/c I don’t like hearing I Will get better. It is a nice statement but it is impossible to be sure. Ive struggled with that b/c I know everyone believes that and means well I’ve just taken prior sick Gentry’s generalization and multiplied.

I am not making light. I think part of me is using the sarcasm as a coping mechanism.

Praise God there is something that does help the pain or at least distract from that Pain just not the one in your legs.

A codependency just a bit less severe. Embarrassing. Reason for judgment. Too easy.

If you can believe it—-I am not the same person I was 2 years ago.

For now I truly don’t know how. Pain can leave, anything traumatic can be worked on. You’ve got your scars.

I actually really think a scar is just unique as a snowflake or fingerprint. Telling so many stories. B/c a scar does mean something has healed. And it never forgets at one time it was painful. I’d prefer to see what I accomplish but I see wonder and beauty in them.

Things get pretty deep, complicated and downright pitifully sad. Vulnerable. Frighteningly true and relevant.

So I take what Good I can get in that day and pray those with LHC (Long-Haul COVID-19)

Be released.

However. On the flip tail’s side.

I’m 35 years aware there are some people who just don’t like me.

Until recently I wouldn’t have meant ‘sorry not sorry.’

I do now. To a respectable extent.

Reader discretion is advised. I promise I never set out to hurt anyone.

definitely not on purpose.

Because. Idgaf. Not bars being held. Que sera, sera.

complete transparency and seriously tho this doesn't mean i dont care. i wear my heart on my sleeve like a ding-dong ready to get hurt.

call it a diversion. we were on a break.

i just might take all of whatever hits wrong and turn that in to whatever ounce of assurance I can with the openness and to the best capability to learn new things and grow with compassion.

And back to writing—may already be just engrained but I don’t ever have a thesis, 3 supporting ideas or a better word then a conclusion.

You might find yourself confused. Reading it again prob won’t help.

Some will be really bad. Ugly. Waste of time. it was at least therapeutic for me.

Already is.

Even more might not make sense.

Read at your own risk, basically.

I have confidence but not really. Just enough not to care to change.

But I think about it. Because I’m wrong a lot.

challenge me. ill try to get through the fog.

But a lot of things have changed. in ways i might not even know Beauty in the Mess.

To sum up the above (sorry, there won’t be another summary after this disclaimer’s commercial intermission.)

I want to be as positive as possible.

Be in control of what I can. Ask for help for what I cannot.

I’m so ready to get My Life back. Trust Me and trust anyone Who tells your theyre in constant pain.

Really embarrassing I used to kind of scoff and be empathetic.

Funny how youre so sure of things.

Until it happens to you.

Suddenly it’s back to the drawing board and humility.

I wear my ღ on my sleeve. My greatest superpower and kryptonite.

What you read is as close to what you get as possible.

Balance can be unfair.

Please know that I care. I try harder than I ever had before. There are things I didn’t even Imagine could happen to someone when sick.

In all the ways I want to come out of this even better than what I envy I was entering into when I got sick.

There will be a WIDE range of thoughts similar to how i write. Mostly Sports and public figures and the politics I can comprehend.

B/c I know there’s someone out there who’s homeless because of this diagnosis. Or was deadly. Fired.

Divorced.

Ive become a bit of a nerd. Childish in some ways b/c you have to be creative…to be creative.

How do I even Start philosophizing that? So I don’t.

So I try My best to be the best I can. Inspire. Elicit laughter and new ways of thinking.

Questions.

Really tho? I just wanna be me.

thank you so sincerly to anything fromn a meme to a gift to a hug a prayer a smile, company, vibes if they can travel

but most of all

for holding hope when ive not been strong enough to.

For better or worse

for loving me.

making me feel heard.

idk what tomorrow holds but if its the same as today ill know at least i can make it and i am still beyond blessed and cared for and loved unconditionally.

even if forever.

wanna feel free, free.

to be me unabandoned.

changed for the better without knowing it.

some people dont have that option.

or even less the resource or safety to write about it.

Lastly mostly—I’m thankful for Insurance and the ability and privilege to work from home. And. Still have a job in general.

A Family and Family reserves holding me.

gentry.gonna.gents/g3

next. and if you made it this far, bless you.

thank you.

you mean more than you know to me. to anyone miscellaneous thanks as well and to my family and extended family and friends and job and insurance.

im in better shape than a lot. perspective sucks in the throes. selfish not selfish but my gosh turn the lights off. each journey is sooo different, but idk find the goodness and inspiration inbtw. There will be a rainbow soon enough, I wont make the bold claim and promise you one tho,

semi lastly and vulnerably, we've all been hurt. all going through something.

I say this every time something really bad happens. Ya know the ‘this is even worse,’ talk.

This one holds every candle.

Funny not funny none are the same and you’re never fully prepared.

and no one knows what it is you’re dealing.

give grace when I can’t sometimes.

cliché’s be damned lets just golden rule it b/c that one’s hard to do too but it sounds cute and Idont see a periodic table saying A! U! Be nice and welcoming.

I know I’ve forgotten something.

So I’ll fight.

But I still get to complain.

Feeling so entitled to this ill.

Sincerely,

Gentry

no ps you're welcome

#first blog #chronic illness #hope #authenticity #love #long covid #honesty hour #mental health #health and wellness #sports #kentucky #family #work from home #inspiration #freedom #respect #best doctors #covid19 #covid #random #sappy #politics #shoes #sunglasses #shirts #electronic #christianity #progressive politics #peace

[quietbluejay]

The Buried Dagger 2

Loken??? repeated sparkle emojis

Loken: hey how about we don't torture or mistreat the traumatized rescued prisoners in an attempt to make them coherent

aaa loken you really did have a good character arc an actual positive one!!! a miracle in this series

okay, i will say, i am intrigued by the story of this psyker ultramarine or former ultramarine waitttt 1s i gotta check something in Know No Fear I think he got one scene YES HE WAS THE GUY I WAS THINKING OF he got a headache the day before the attack but because the emperor got rid of the librarius he ignored it because they weren't supposed to use their powers any more

oh boy we're back with mort and….people have begun getting sick wow this is very gross

oh wait he's STILL ALIVE yikes oh noo mortarion tried to mercy kill him but he's still alive and suffering oh back to the past mortarion is feeling Emotions seeing people reunite and of course some of them wanted to kill typhon and mortarion mortarion gets exposed to "laughter" and "music" he has friend (!!!)

(pulling up Godblight (?) quote)

HE ACTUALLY WAS A CHAMPION OF COMMON PEOPLE NO JOKE

And you get a horrible backstory and you get a horrible backstory

he wants to actually fix things

Man, what happened to you In the end, he once again became the death dealer of an evil overlord okay so the villagers are getting ready to harvest the wheat and You may be able to tell from this sentence where this is going

picking up the scythe first as a farming tool rather than a weapon

(But also like it does take practice to figure out how to harvest wheat with a scythe I too have read Island in the Sea of Time I know how this works I kind of hate how every time I have an objection of this nature it can be handwaved away by "primarchs are just built different")

OwO Girl got trapped under the cart with all the wheat and it’s broken So Mort pulls a Jean Valjean Uh oh overlord interrupt

And on that note it’s back to the present Interesting choice of cutoffs

This explains the poison drinking I guess

I kind of want to stab him a bunch for this But then I think the story is gonna do it for me

The spooky sickness has somehow spread all over the fleet despite zero contact

Bruh What about your super dramatic speech at Nikaea Mortarion: covid lockdown time

lmao Mr I Have No Theatricality Unlike Some People Oh boy one of the ships tried to leave the warp and uh got crushed Everyone on board is dead

back on the Terra plot thread and Malcador has a very creepy library

malcador is basically a supervillain mastermind and Rubio is being called out for taking initiative and taking the Silent Sister they rescued to White Mountain even though it was what Malcador says he would have ordered him to do anyways anyways as you might have guessed I'm not a Malcador fan

oh yeah they put together what all the captured sisters were saying and it looks like it's Horus trying to negotiate a truce

….thinking of it as arrogant sure is revealing something about you. but also really does sum up the imperium huh

aw, Loken

;-; okay hey we have timeline! it's been 7 years since the war started

it's hard to think of a path the emperor could have taken that would have created less peace

malcador and the emperor had good intent but absolutely abysmal macro and micro planning skills

"oh yes it's just the fault of the bad advisor the emperor of course can do nothing wrong" bleh

horus somehow, possesses rubio or he was a sleeper agent or sth welp this is why we can't have nice things

Okay so mort is keeping a daemon imprisoned in a secret compartment That only he can access And he is going to visit Oh dear the warp whispers to mort

Daemon: and it slaps. Cancer is great

Back in time again They’re winning, but still...

lol

he actually has a sense of humour!

Hm. Foreshadowing. Mortarion, don’t make your friends drink 150 proof….

Why does he sound like my mother

typhon does mortarion analysis

oh dear typhon thinks about how if they used warp shenanigans they could end the war in. weeks or even days

back over to Loken he's fighting pro-Horus groups on Terra

that's loken, all right also Malcador continues to be dramatique

#warhammer 40k #bluejay reads warhammer

[ihaveatheoryonthat]

We’ve reached the point where I have too many pans on the burner again, and need to clear some of them out to get anything done. This is another one of those that falls under ‘I’d like to revisit someday, but that day is not today’.

This in particular is really only setup, and I never got to what the piece was supposed to be about-- as such, it’s woefully incomplete.

TW for a fictional illness that’s pretty blatantly based on covid.

---

Travic [surname] had one primary problem and two sub-problems.

The overarching problem was that he was sick. Quite sick. The kind of sick some people didn’t recover from. He’d been sick for days and hadn’t noticed, seemingly fine until he very much wasn’t.

Enter the first of his secondary problems: Vick had accidentally passed the illness onto his youngest son; Emmet getting sick had been the last tumbling straw before the weight of it all finally fell into place. He’d done everything he should have as promptly as he could, even if days after the fact, his own symptoms magnifying under the sudden comprehension-- calls made, warnings to get tested issued, supplies ordered same-day delivery.

Which brought him to the second problem: his eldest, miraculously, had tested negative. He didn’t pretend to understand how that worked when the pair was always in direct contact with one another, but Vick would take what small mercies he could get. And while that was [undeniably] good news, the issue was was keeping Ingo healthy. Stuck in the house with his his immediate family, he was almost certain to catch [it] eventually, no matter what precautions Vick belatedly put into place.

The only solution his foggy mind could put together was to call for help, and so he had. Drayden was on his way to Anville Town; Ingo could stay with him until things were better. Soon, all Vick would have to worry about was getting two of them through this.

‘Soon’ could not come quickly enough.

“INGO.” He [idk], but his usually booming voice came out as something gnarled and [?]; it was little wonder the six year old startled at the sound. Hands frozen in the air, he turned meekly, eyes wide and uncomprehending as he idled at the side of his brother’s bed.

He was only trying to help, Vick reminded himself; he couldn’t truly be angry about that, but it still sounded [angry] when he forced out, “Back up. Don’t touch. Go sit on the couch until I come talk to you.”

Worrying at his bottom lip, Ingo glanced back at his brother, eked out something in a much quieter voice than usual, and darted off, eyes on his father until he rounded the corner.

Vick sighed, the usually [?] of the medical mask hot and stifling to his raw senses. He would endure it. He had to endure it, for Ingo’s sake. If there was anything he could do to prevent further exposure, he would [do it] to spare his eldest this [danger/suffering].

Not even an hour now, and Drayden would be there.

Thoughtlessly, Vick found himself doing precisely what he’d scolded his son for just moments prior; his hands automatically moved to Emmet’s face, brushing damp hair away from his eyes, to no response. He’d been asleep for hours, which, in Vick’s experience, was infinitely preferable to suffering through the day fully conscious.

That said, he still needed another dose of medicine, and whatever fluids Vick could coax him into drinking. They would give it a shot after their respective older brothers left, he decided; best to let him sleep while there were so many other things vying for attention.

Glancing up at the clock, Vick grimaced and got back to it. His body ached with every step, but, dutifully, he trudged back out to the bathroom and scrubbed his hands under the hot water. This time, when he admitted himself into the twins’ room, he didn’t let his tired mind take the helm, instead beating a direct path for the jet black dresser.

Clothes, at least, were easy to pack; going through each drawer in succession there was no way to miss something vital. It became orders more difficult when he tried to to remember what else a child would need while away from home. Snagging a ragged Purrloin plush on his way out, he turned his attention to raiding the bathroom.

He found himself repeatedly checking the time, and constantly surprised by how much had escaped without his notice. It wasn’t fair to have left Ingo waiting for so long without [cause], but Vick had yet to spot him peeking around any given hiding spot, so odds were he’d found a way to entertain himself.

Vick hoisted the bag over a shoulder, and the effort left him wheezing. It meant he was all too ready to let it [flop] down onto the nearest couch cushion when he reached the living room.

To his surprise, the TV wasn’t on-- not even at the low volume his aching head had dictated for the past few days. Neither was there a library book or a fidget toy to be found, just Ingo on the far side of the couch, hands tugging at the sleeves of his sweater, wilting under his father’s gaze.

Ah, shit. He thought he was in trouble.

“Look, bud,” Vick croaked, but combined with the strain of hauling the bag out, it sent him into a coughing fit before he could say anything of substance. He turned away, head spinning, and tried to stifle it into an elbow.

As he regained his breath, there was a knock at the door, and he gratefully shuffled toward it.

[not gonna bother w/ the greeting rn (I DO think it would be funny if Drayden is also wearing a mask, but it kind of just looks like his beard is a different color at first glance)]

Drayden squared his shoulders and strode past, kneeling in front of the couch so they were on the same level.

“I see you have your bag packed. Are you ready to go?”

Instead of any verbal answer, Ingo made a sound of confused protest. The look Drayden shot Vick wasn’t much better.

“I know, I know. It’s for your own good, buddy-- and uncle Drayden promises to take great care of you, right uncle Drayden?” His throat burned as the sentence stretched on, but he could do this. Just a little longer, now, until his son was safe from him.

Drayden inclined his head, eyes pinching as he made the effort to look nonthreatening, and offered his hand. Keeping an eye on Vick, watching for what he was meant to do, Ingo tentatively reached out to mirror it; when it closed around his, he nearly flinched.

“Good boy,” Drayden rumbled, ruffling his hair with a free hand and encouraging him to stand up, too; moving to take the travel bag, Drayden scooped up the cap sitting at the top and settled it over the mess he’d made.

“His coat’s by the door,” Vick said, backing off to leave a good six feet of space between them. It was only as that coat was settled over Ingo’s shoulders that he [vocalized] again, a high whine that Vick knew from experience would only grow louder if it was allowed to continue.

“Ingo,” He said, and he was trying so hard to be what the situation called for, but his mounting exhaustion still shone through, “I know. I’m sorry, but this has to happen. I love you. Have fun with uncle Drayden.”

The door swung shut, and Vick all but collapsed against the wall in his relief.

---

Drayden wasn’t great with kids. As part of being a gym leader, he had to deal with older ones on a semi-regular basis, but his experience with six year olds consisted entirely of Ingo and Emmet.

He wasn’t prepared to look after a child, even if only for a few weeks.

But Travic had asked for help. His brother and nephew were sick, and the biggest help he could be was looking after the odd boy out. He could do that, for his family’s sake.

Only… Ingo was acting incredibly different from what Drayden knew. Usually, you had to pry the kid away, but instead of clinging to Drayden’s hand as they walked toward the train station, the little fingers poking out of his sleeves worked themselves into a nervous tangle. He had yet to speak a word, to talk about the Pokemon they passed by or ask about the ones Drayden had brought with him, and his own stubborn expression hadn’t budged from ‘deeply distressed’.

That was completely understandable-- Drayden himself had only forced a smile for Ingo’s sake-- but it was still troubling. He didn’t know how to connect with young kids, let alone one coming from such a tough spot.

Well, he supposed, when in doubt…

“Do you know what a Swablu is, Ingo?” He asked, readjusting his grip on the bag. The boy next to him nodded, and, somewhat [belatedly] Drayden realized that the pace he’d set was too much for someone so short. Forcing himself to slow, he continued the thought, “You do, hm? Have you ever seen one in person?”

It was met by a small shake of the head.

“It so happens a trainer brought one into the gym last week; his wings are too sparse to carry him right now, so he’s staying with me until his plumage grows in. Would you like to meet him when we reach Opelucid?”

Ingo hesitated far longer than Drayden had expected of someone usually so excitable. “...can I?”

“I offered, didn’t I?” / “Yes, you can meet him if you’d like. He’d benefit from having someone else around, and maybe he can help keep you company in return.”

[…]

He waited until Drayden set the travel bag down, and then climbed up to sit along its other side. Strangely, he didn’t move to dig through its contents once throughout the commute; surely he had something to keep himself entertained in there? Vick had mentioned at some point or other that he was being dragged to library nearly every day as the twins’ shaky grasp on reading began to solidify, so it only made sense that Ingo would have brought a book with him.

The kid pulled his legs up onto the subway bench and rested his chin on his knees.

That was… probably not a good sign.

[…]

Swablu hopped up without a second thought-- the exact behavior that had landed him in Drayden’s home instead of its natural habitat-- and cocked his head one way, then the other. The difference it wrought in Ingo’s expression was subtle, but unmistakable; despite his clear interest in the bird, however, he stayed put.

It seemed to take that personally, fluttering its [?] wings with enough energy to give itself the tiniest bit of lift, nipping at the pair of hands that dared to not to pet it. Surprised rather than hurt, Ingo reeled backwards, and Swablu jumped again. Its weight was negligible-- there was absolutely no way the little guy could bowl over a human, no matter what their age-- but Drayden still held a hand out, steady against the boy’s back, to keep Ingo from tripping.

---

Ingo usually liked school-- really, he did!-- but if he’d had a say in it, he would prefer not to go today.

The test he’d had to take that morning, to make sure he wasn’t sick after all, said he was okay, but he wasn’t so sure; this wasn’t his first time staying overnight at uncle Drayden’s house, and the last time they’d been here, the guest room hadn’t felt so cold. He remembered being sick once, too, and how much more intense everything had felt against his skin-- how cold it was when he tried to sleep without a blanket, but how unbearably hot it was when he changed his mind and pulled it back over himself.

It wasn’t exactly the same-- he’d been cold with the blankets and even colder without-- but it still made him worry.

He didn’t want to accidentally break a rule. He didn’t want to go to school sick and risk making anyone else sick.

Plus, he was all the way in Opelucid City. School was in Anville Town. He didn’t know how long it took to get there, but he was pretty sure class started before the first horns sounded in the rail yard. If he had to take the train to get there, he’d definitely be late. Being late was rude. He hated it, and it didn’t matter that uncle Drayden promised to ride with him today; that was nice of him, but it didn’t fix the problem.

Also! He didn’t have his backpack. He didn’t have any of the practice sheets he was supposed to have filled out, or the library book he’d wanted to show the teacher, or his water bottle or the little key chain he could fiddle with without bothering anyone or--

He bit down on a whine building in the back of his throat, and when that began to fail, stifled himself against his jacket.

More than anything, he knew that Emmet wasn’t going to be with him today.

He was going to get to school late and without any of the things he was expected to have, and that would have been bad enough, but he was going to be alone all day today. And tomorrow. And the day after that. Ingo didn’t know when he was going to see his brother again, and it made him want to scream.

That wasn’t allowed, though; he definitely wasn’t supposed to yell, because people always got mad at him when he did. It was extra important that he follow the rules right now. He was already in enough trouble.

And that was why he was going to go to school, even though there were a million reasons not to, and it was the very last thing he wanted right now.

Swablu chirped and frantically flapped his wings, painstakingly making his way onto the back of Ingo’s chair, and then hopping down onto his head. It was a little heavier than his hat, but in a nice way. While it stayed there, it was easy to focus on the warm fluff instead of the school day that awaited.

Uncle Drayden laughed when he saw them. Ingo liked that, too.

[…]

[after school]

“Here you go,” Uncle Drayden said, holding out the familiar black-and-red-and-blue backpack. Ingo took it with numb fingers and dislodged the ‘thank you’ stuck in his throat.

He only peeked inside when he was back in the guest room, where nobody could see. Piece by piece, he unloaded it onto the much-too-big bed: the homework he hadn’t been able to hand in, the book he’d been so excited to share, his water bottle and the rubber key chain-- and more, beyond that. His library card and the pouch he kept all his best pencils in, the stretchy Clodsire toy Emmet hated so much he refused to touch it, and that Ingo liked to stick to the walls, the hooded sweatshirt with the ears that he’d wanted to wear yesterday, but had been in the dryer.

He was struck, again, by the desire to scream.

Instead, he gathered it all up, put each item where it belonged for tomorrow, and went to bury his face in Swablu’s fluff.

#ihaveatheoryonthat pkmn #submas #writing scraps

[skaterfairy02]

An Ode to Yargı: Part 1

Yargı has been a life-changing show to watch. I haven't felt this way about a tv show - in any language - in a long time (or ever? if i think about it).

TV shows are unique in that they are vulnerable to being driven by ratings. Depending on the country, TV shows are either renewed season by season based on ratings and revenues and may only have 1 season of 16-17 episodes (most K Dramas), or in the case of Turkish dizis (like Yargı), driven by the ratings of each episode. Let me stop here and provide a disclaimer: I am not Turkish, I haven't been watching Turkish dizis for very long, and I probably don't understand the intricacies and complexities of how the Turkish dizi industry works. I only started watching dizis after stumbling upon a youtube fan edit for Nazli & Ferit from Dolunay during the COVID-19 lockdown in Spring 2020. The rest is history. However, it's not hard to see that because dizis mostly depend on the ratings of each episode, the story which the writers set out to tell can suffer as a result. This is not to say that dizis are the only tv shows to fall victim to this pattern. Even with season-by-season renewal, American shows suffer from this phenomenon as well. The first couple seasons of a show might be amazing with very crisp writing, but then the show steadily declines in the later seasons, show-runners change, cast members leave, and you really question why you're still watching the show. Since diving into dizis and learning the bare minimum about Turkish ratings, it seems this phenomenon is just more underscored.

But Yargı has been a game-changer. It's been absolutely beautiful to watch the writer's story play out so far, with so much attention given to all the details, and the actors have truly done an amazing job bringing it to life. At 17 episodes (over 34 hours!), I am still just as excited for the next episodes as I was when I watched the first couple of episodes. It's been extremely comforting to hear the writer (Sema Ergenekon, who is amazingly talented and a genius honestly) openly say that she has the story and the rest of the episodes mapped out, indicating a strategic plan with a definite endpoint. I don't think I could handle a situation where the show was extended for no reason and the plot stretches and suffers as a result. Yargı has truly earned its viewers' trust.

However, beyond the trust that Yargı has earned from me, the show and its fans are also teaching me a lot and subtly causing me to examine my own internalized ideologies, in a way that I can easily say few shows in the world have done for me.

On the surface, I find myself relating to Ilgaz and Ceylin and their struggles in ways that are more obvious. Ilgaz is the oldest and nothing but perfection has been expected of him. When he tells his father Metin (I lovingly refer to him as Metinhoe/Metintrash) that he had to grow up so quickly and was never allowed any mistakes, it really resonated for me. Ceylin, on the other hand, has been trying her best to sustain her family despite their trials and tribulations, and her strongest familial bond is with her younger sister, again reflecting certain aspects of my own life.

However, the beauty of Yargı is that the characters are much deeper than what we are initially exposed to, and more human than what most shows allow of their characters. The best example of this is Ceylin. Ceylin is a flawed character. She is scrappy and resilient, as life has forced her to be, and goes after what she needs, though not always in the most acceptable way. But she knows who she is and does not pretend to be anything else. I am actually so in awe of this characteristic of hers. She is also loving, supportive, compassionate, empathetic, merciful, and forgiving, but is convinced (thanks in large part to her family) that she isn't deserving of fulfilling and loving relationships, so she runs away from things. When women talk about wanting to see flawed female characters, THIS is what we mean. Ceylin's flaws are authentic, born out of her life experiences, and while inconvenient at times, they are highly relatable and honestly endearing because of that. She is NOT flawed for the purpose of being endearing to the male gaze (NOT a manic pixie dream girl or any of her variants). I love Ceylin and who she is because she inspires me to be strong, even when mistakes are made and life is going off the rails. Ceylin is beautiful because of who she is, not in spite of it, and it took seeing this character for me to realize how true that is for us as individuals - that our flaws don't necessary diminish us or make us less worthy of love.

Ilgaz is also a beautiful character, but one I have more questions about and am still understanding. I think this is because I have so deeply internalized the way male characters are generally portrayed that whenever Ilgaz does something outside that structure, I have to grapple with it and it takes me time to understand it. Ilgaz has been living a life in golden chains, but chains nonetheless. His parents worked hard to help set him up for a respected career as a prosecutor and as we learn more about Ilgaz, it's obvious that just because he is a very respected prosecutor -- and he is morally upright, dedicated to doing his job well -- his family (see: Metinhoe/Metintrash) expects his personal life to be equally black and white and by the book. However, when his life intersects with Ceylin's, we start to learn what Ilgaz himself values. Yes, he values integrity, honesty, and hard work, especially with regards to his job and the law, but he is also very loving and supportive. Unlike his father, he does not believe that integrity, honesty, and hard work are mutually exclusive with expressing compassion and understanding, especially when life gets hard. Like Ceylin, he seeks to understand his loved ones and does whatever is in his power to help them. He is the exact opposite of a toxic man.

Edit: Yargı is now on episode 51. Since then, a lot more thoughts have been thunk, so I will write a part 2. However, the overall message is still the same, watch Yargı for clear skin.

#yargı #yargi #ceylin x ilgaz #ceylin kaya #ceylin erguvan #ilgaz kaya #turkish dizis #ilcey #thoughts #quality show writing #flawed female characters #an ode

[addictwoapen]

then vs. now

there are two versions of my father that exist.

“you can do anything you set your mind to” dad. And “not all men” dad. 

as a child I was told it doesn’t matter what other people think or feel, I can do what I want. I can be an athlete, I can be smart, I can do whatever I want and fuck everyone that says otherwise. And while the sentiment was there, two things could not be true, or it didn’t feel like it could be anyway.

When I was a kid, I loved sports. I still do. I love playing sports and learning mechanics, and I have since forever. I was the boy my father never had with two older brothers who never quite learned how to throw a ball correctly. I remember being told I had a good arm in first grade, and how I was faster than the other boys at recess. I remember, even though it’s blurry now, thinking I could not be both a tom boy or a girly girl. How I had to choose if I wanted to wear pink or be good at sports. Even at the age of six I was aware that boys thought girls sucked simply because of my double X’s. I was aware that “boys rule” meant more than a harmless us vs. them type of pride. 

So I chose. I decided girly girls were dumb and insipid. I chose to be athletic and school-smart. I was praised and held to high standards. No Cs or you’re grounded, no tennis lessons unless I went to the gym. Because all that could be demanded of me was excellence. As a kid, I thought this was just strictness of my parents beliefs about education and hard work. As an adult, I’ve come to realize it stems from mom and dad’s insecurities. We are at the mercy of grandparents even when they’ve been gone for years. 

I hated the color pink from second grade on, and I still do to this day. I hated being called Barbie since I was the stereotypical blonde-haired-blue-eyed white girl. I hated that all I was allowed to be was pink. It felt like no matter which side I looked at, I was stuck in a box. I couldn’t be angry because it wasn’t ladylike, I received much more punishment for swearing as a teenager than my older brother did. It wasn’t until I was 20 in a Jewel Osco during Covid that I told my father to grow up and get over it. I was an adult and I would make my own decisions about the way that I spoke and behaved. 

It wasn’t until I was a bit older that I realized that girls and women had the capacity for so much more, but suffered with self-actualization and introspection much earlier than our male friends. 

When explaining the waves of feminism to my dad on a bike ride in 2021, he said “I don’t know anything about this waves of feminism shit” and I replied “must be nice”. He didn’t get it. 

The first version of my dad loved his daughter fiercely. I was daddy’s little girl who was a little spoiled but wasn’t a brat. We played catch together. We played HORSE together in the driveway where he spray painted basketball court lines for me on the ground to practice my free-throws in sixth grade. We went to the tennis courts to practice my serves in seventh grade. We traveled to Texas in college to watch me play at Nationals. He said I could do anything I put my mind to.

It wasn’t until I was an adult that he said “well...”. 

And there it was. 

The stipulation that he knew that the world would treat me different and that while it may be unfair-I had to adjust, and it shouldn’t be the other way around. When I talk of creepy men in the gym I had just started attending, it was “yeah but I don’t do that,” when I talk of 60+ year old men hitting on me and asking me out to drinks when I was 19 it was “that’s not that weird,”. It’s invalidation at it’s finest, and understanding that he will truly never get it. 

I often think of a memory. I was in elementary school. My dad and I often used to go on hikes together on the weekend in the forest preserves of the suburbs of Chicago. I couldn’t pinpoint my age but I wasn’t fully self-aware yet, so it was pre-fifth grade. He would say “no matter what anyone tells you, you can do anything you want, and it doesn’t matter that you’re a girl”. This was in reference to a woman we passed who was hiking on her own, and even at a young age, I was aware of the danger she could be in on a 5am hike in the middle of a forest with no houses for miles. I remember thinking as a young girl “why would I risk getting hurt?”. It was a memory I would come back to often throughout childhood, as I reminder that I could do anything. But as I approached adulthood, I sometimes revel in my father’s naivety. 

There are always stipulations.

As an adult, my dad still thinks I can do what I want, but if I have to work harder to fight prejudice because I am a woman, than that is what I must do. I shouldn’t cry about the injustice I have and inevitably will again face. I should suck it up and power through it. Because as a middle-age white man with a steady job, he has never faced discrimination or prejudice for things he can’t change about himself.

The latter version of my father makes no excuses for his behavior. He says “if you don’t like it, I don’t care”. Despite his secretly hidden desire to be seen, to be heard. He says he doesn’t care what others think, but I think he cares too much sometimes. We are the same in that regard, and it is terrifying. His lack of empathy towards others of different experiences is astounding when he raised a daughter that has an excess of it. His anger is often misplaced and rooted in toxic masculinity and the idea of a traditional family despite a certain lack of religious or traditional upbringing. 

There are two versions of my father that exist.

Naïve and Jaded.

#barbie #feminism #femalerage

[bellybiologist]

Some Ramblings

[[Content Warnings for Death, Cancer, and pooossible spoilers for Netflix The Sandman]] Last week, I finished watching the Sandman series on netflix with friends. The BF highly enjoyed it and i wanted to get in on it too so i could talk about it with him. And i def recommend it! There are Some Notes™ but still very much worth the watch and support. (It’s very gay, and that by itself gives it a lot of points)

The big reason i’m bringing it up because my favorite episode “The sound of her wings” really did a lot for me.

For those who were keeping up when my mother died of pancreatic cancer August last year, you may remember that she had chosen for herself to be taken off life support. She was completely Lucid and present when making this decision, so we as a family, a family who several times have collectively had casual conversations about how “we wouldnt want to stay on life support” while watching things like Grey’s anatomy together, respected it and understood. 

So the deed was done. She was given a “Merciful release” which, for those who dont know, is when they are taken off life support, the oxygen is turned up, and they are given a morphine drip to minimize suffering. 

Objectively, this was what she wanted, and we all feel it was the best choice and outcome given the cards we were dealt, but during the lows of my grieving, it’s so very hard to not have regrets about it.

We were told that there was no definite time that she would pass, and cuz of Covid, we werent able to stay as long as we wanted.

It took about 8 hours for her to finally pass after we left the hospital. My aunt woke me up from sleeping after midnight on August 7th to let me know.

During the lows of my grieving, it’s very difficult to not think that we just let her suffocate alone in the hospital, and the thought popping up at regular intervals has really fucked me up this past year, imma be real.

Now, back to the Sandman. My family is Christian, but i never really was super devout or anything, but the episode “The sound of Her wings” really brought me a lot of comfort concerning the above situation.

I really enjoyed Neil Gaiman’s  interpretation of death, both in the Netflix series and the DC incarnation. And Kirby Howell-Baptiste played the part incredibly. The character was fun, down to earth, and my favorite character of the series outright. Plus, I can simply say my favorite DC character is Death 😌.

The concept of kind and friendly psychopomps is a good one. It’s nice to know that there was someone who couldve been there to guide her to afterlife. so she wasn’t just alone, that she had a friendly face on this final leg of her journey. Because she was so tired. After what she had been through, no one deserves to be alone, yknow?

Thinking about it still makes me cry, but they aren’t pained tears like they usually are. This character and episode has brought some healing, I feel.

#verzi rambles

[glass-expanse]

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!

I've been 19 for a week and a day now and everything is going so much better than it was before.

All of May and June, I was deep in the trenches of depression and suicidal ideation. My 19th birthday, the evil voices were abruptly and miraculously gone. I had spent the day before stressed over scheduling an wanting to die and I broke down and just sobbed to God and told Him I couldn't fight for my life anymore and that He would have to fight for me. Just like Psalm 40 says, He heard my cry for help, He brought me up from the desolate pit, He took me out of the muddy clay, and now He is being faithful to set my feet on a rock, making my steps secure. I certainly wasn't good at waiting patiently, but His mercy is more than my failings!

By His grace, I have taken on the challenge to get back into the Word. I started studying Psalm 103 today and it's every reminder that I needed for the past several months. My relationship with God, while still weak after battling depression, hasn't had the chance to be strengthened like this in months.

A little over a year ago, I got sicker than I have ever been in my whole life. I had Covid and Heatstroke at the same time. I started manifesting symptoms of Covid on my 18th birthday-- I was extremely exhausted and blamed it on stress and the hard job I had splitting myself between camp riding lessons, farm riding lessons, trail rides, camp events, and my camp cabin. Sunday I came to the staff meeting at 0 energy level. Monday I was so depressed and felt so ill that I had to skip catching. I slept through breakfast. It was supposed to rain, but instead the entire farm was choked by a thick glistening haze of humidity. Because of the rain prediction, I had on a long sleeve (light colored) shirt.

I was so weak I couldn't project my voice and had to thrust my assistant into the thick of learning how to explain concepts in the order I gave them to him. Water cups came and I sank to me knees. I had to get through my trail ride-- it was my first chance to ride a horse I'd had my eye on for so long. 17 hands tall. 5 years old. I trust him with my life. Because I white knuckled that saddle horn for dear life, praying I wouldn't pass out. I was too week to even telephone directions for a crooked saddle up the line.

Halfway through, I feel like I need a sub. Call my assistant who is leading. He says hang in there, we're almost back. I cling to consciousness. One of my best friends sees that I'm pale and out of it, springs off the manure spreader tractor, fixes my student's saddle, and leads me in by the reins.

After a chiropractor appointment I guzzled water and powerade all afternoon and talk to my fellow on the phone. I didn't feel any better by dinner so I went to the nurse. Fever. Sick. I drive home in a daze and lie in bed for the next week, too weak to even stand in the shower.

For this past year, I have suffered from fatigue, heat sensitivity, and as time went on, serious pain in every single major joint and bone of my body save my skull. Shoulders, elbows, wrists, forearms, upper arms, back, hips, femurs, knees, shins, ankles, feet, hands... You name it, any physical activity made it hurt.

I couldn't do anything I loved to do. I couldn't even work a 16 hour workweek without being totally sapped each day. things only seemed to get worse, especially as warm weather returned. I had finally given up after two weeks of a diet that only made things worse.

And then, I took a course of iv*rm*ctin. Just a children's course. During the course, I still had pain... But after... It was gone! Praise God! The first improvement I had seen in a year of taking tests, seeing doctors, taking supplements, changing diets, trying rest, trying working, trying everything short of steroids. Finally, finally! I have improved!

And today, today has been so exciting! I spent 2+ hours in direct sunlight... carried two water buckets... cut and arranged not one but TWO full size bouquets... picked berries... measured and remeasured a 60x48 area... mucked out the chicken coop a bit... planked for 30 seconds... and walked a ton. And then, after that, I didn't go inside! I stayed on the porch in part sun part shade until 6:00 or so just talking with company we had over! Staying outside in 90 degree heat! Me! Indefinitely! With no issue!

I'm sore... but in my muscles. I'm tired... but I don't feel the endless black maw of fatigue. And the sun burned my face and arms but it didn't feel like it was hitting me like a mallet anymore. I'm still working on water intake, but. This. Is. Phenomenal. Praise God for His healing!

What's next? Well, I'm praying over my plans. What I would like to do is this. Help instruct camp lessons for the final month of camp. Then after that get a job at a flower shop as the working students return to school. And while I do that, continue to build back into riding and instructing by forging a connection with a new barn where I can be mentored as an instructor. Then this fall, attend a CHA clinic to become an officially certified instructor. And someday soon as I grow in these areas, find myself a couple roommates and buy myself a project horse to expand my marketable skills.

How can you be praying? Well, my largest request would be for patience. I have been so impatient for the past year. I know I tend to be impatient with my body, my abilities, and my goals. So while I can taste the future now, I know thag I still have to be gentle with my body as it returns to being a properly usable meatsuit lol. Also wisdom, that I would know the difference between creating my own doors and going through open ones. For humility, that I may submit my heart, mind, life, plans, and freedom fully to God. That He would make His will for my life clear and that I would have the humility to accept that. For boldness, that I would seek out wise counsel rather than avoiding it out of fear.

Blessed be the name of the Lord... the trials of the past year are yielding fruit, driving me closer to God, helping me support others... This is only the beginning. Even if my health stays here forever, even if it gets worse again, I know God still has a purpose for me and that He's not done with me yet. He can do anything. His will shall come through in my life, He'll make sure of it. I may not know for certain what the next step is, but I know that God is there and I have to take the responsibility to learn His Word so that I may discern the path ahead.

Jesus loves me so much. He gave mercy to Peter, who denied Him thrice over. He has given mercy to me. No matter how far I wander, I know I am in the hand of the most high God of heaven and earth, and I know that nothing can take me away from that, not even myself! My hope is in the sanctified of Christ, that I will continue to grow closer to God despite any setbacks.

Soli Deo Gloria

#Praise report #Prayer request #God is Good!!! #Long post #Worth the read

[vistascs22]

FUGEEtives in their own Homes

We are on-board to discuss the worst humanitarian crises of our time. The Syrian Civil War is an ongoing violent conflict in Syria between pro-democratic insurgents and Syrian President Bashar al-Assad's long-standing dynastic regime. Since 2011, over half of Syria’s pre-war population of over 22 million has been forced to flee their homes in search of safety and opportunity, many of them more than once. Families still living in Syria, are struggling to survive and meet their basic needs. A total of 13.7 million people need humanitarian assistance, including 6.7 million who are internally displaced.

As the crisis enters its tenth year with no end in sight, millions of Syrians continue to suffer while grappling with the added threat of COVID‑19. Every day, a lack of food and water and limited access to health services put millions of lives at risk.

A timeline of events in Syria:

March 2011: Anti-government demonstrations begin as part of the Arab Spring.

July 2011: The conflict is declared a civil war as violence becomes widespread.

July 2012: Zaatari Refugee Camp is opened in Jordan and hosts 120,000 refugees in its first year.

March 2013: The number of registered Syrian refugees reaches 1 million.

July 2014: The U.N. Security Council adopts a resolution authorizing the delivery of cross-border aid into Syria. 

September 2015: Conflict intensifies as outside parties become involved. A large number of Syrian refugees arrive in Europe, and Mercy Corps expands its response.

July 2016: The battle for Aleppo, Syria’s largest city begins and lasts through August, displacing thousands.

July 2017: The number of registered Syrian refugees surpasses 5 million.

December 2019: Renewed airstrikes and bombings begin in Northwest Syria and force 961,000 people to flee over the span of three months — the largest displacement since the beginning of the conflict.

July 2020: The cross-border resolution is further curtailed, resulting in the closure of one of two remaining official border crossings used to deliver humanitarian aid.

Address the refugee crisis including the following talking points as deliverables:

Plan of action to for the internally displaced in Syria (open-ended)

Plan of  action for overthrowing the current Syrian President and the Syrian Arab Army (SAA)

Documentation and identification of refugees in Turkey

Economic and social integration of the refugees in Turkey

Education, nutrition and healthcare facilities and infrastructure in Turkish refugee camps in Turkey

Congestion of Turkish cities and camps and lost opportunities for Turkish citizens

Submit a report not exceeding 12 pages and a PPT of not more than 7 slides

For doubts, contact Dhiti: 9448290096

[confluence-and-drift]

So I just heard that the brother who I don’t get along with’s anti-vaxxer wife is half-dead of covid again, and is promising those who’re having to drop everything to keep an eye on her that she’ll get the vaccinations...  thought that’s about as likely as last time.  Rant below the break.

  Now when my Mum was telling me about this, I had to stop and express my utter disgust and contempt.  I flat out told her that for me it’d be a dealbreaker in a relationship, since I couldn’t trust anybody that fucking stupid to act rationally in any situation.  Now it’s worse with marriage....I fucking HOPE they don’t have kids, since then not only would the stupid moron be endangering herself and acting as an incubator for deadlier variants etc, but she’d be endangering helpless life at her complete mercy and my wee brother, he’s got  a masters in biomedical science and elected to not bother trying to convince his wife not to be a fucking idiot.  I just...can’t comprehend tolerating such stupidity at such close proximity.  It’s...staggering.   And then my Mum tells me off with, I’ll quote “Look, this is the modern day, you can’t just expect a woman to obey her husband anymore, I know this one guy (an older couple, middle aged) who begs his wife to get vaccinated but she refuses and that’s just how it is these days”.

  I had to explain to her that I’d be just as disgusted and appalled if it were a husband not listening to the smarter individual in the relationship.  It was a bit jarring since its me being abruptly reminded of what Pakistani culture is like, since my Mum, inadvertantly, makes a valid point; my brother’s dumbass wife (who is apparantly supported by her equally anti-vax family, many of whom have skirted literal death due to covid in the last few years but...fuck if that makes them change their mind, bar maybe temporarily at the peak of their suffering) could easily claim he’s being patriarchal by ‘commanding’ her....but fuck dude, maybe I really don’t understand, since I’d be like “well, here’s your divorce papers, now kindly fuck off”.   Hell, I couldn’t even concieve of even getting into a relationship with someone without knowing how they feel on these all important issues....  but then again, my brother was always a bit of a fool when it came to these kind of things and my parents effectively pressured him into a pre-selected marriage but still, I’d have hoped he had gotten to know her, but na.  I bet he just thought “cor, she’s hot, I’ll accept”.  Fucking hell, have I mentioned I find the concept of arranged marriages to be bizarre and alien?  Because I find them to be bizarre and alien.    Still, I genuinely can’t scrounge up an iota of sympathy for the half-dying fool of a girl.  I know that probably means there’s something kind of wrong with me, but maybe its my autism but I CANNOT IGNORE THE BIGGER PICTURE.  I cannot ignore the willful ignorance involved and the cost in human life and misery.   Like, I told my Mum, regarding the other couple she mentioned, that that guy’s wife is not only middle aged and set in her ways, but was raised in Morrocco, whilst my wee brother’s wife was born and raised here in Scotland and isn’t even 25 yet, with access to a full and complete education and she’s even in bloody university, or at least was, I haven’t kept up with them for obvious reasons, but it’s just....  such a childish, fucking stupid lack of responsibility, and thanks to that, she’s upsetting my mother and hell, even my brother, with her easily preventable suffering and possible death.   I have nothing but contempt for these kind of willfully ignorant individuals and the concept of actually being in a relationship with once is staggeringly offputting.  But then again, my brother always was good at ignoring the implicatoions.  Whilst I struggle to ignore the bigger picture, he’s an innately self-centred individual.  I bet he never even considered the possible consequences and apparantly just shrugged and said it’s ‘her choice’.  Yes, and it should be your subsequent choice to cut all relations with her, the fucking petri-dish of a woman.  *shakes head*.  A cynical part of me thinks that almost losing his wife might actually improve my brother’s rancid character, but that’s giving him a bit too much credit I suspect...   What also pisses me off is that my brother and his wife have been semi-regularly visiting my parents too and...my Mum is one of those ones who could very easily die from covid even with her vaccinations and my Dad isn’t that far behind in terms of how fucked he’d be due to pre-existing health conditions.  But I genuinely doubt my brother could think that far ahead... and you might think “hey, you’re being unreasonable here”....no..no I’m not, that’s the fucking terrifying part.  Keep in mind that this is the brother I punched in the face last I met him AND keep in mind that I am by no means a violent person and that it takes a LOT to push me towards such.  I also haven’t forgotten that that petri-dish of his was egging him on during that incident and he was falling for it.  I mean I guess it’d be easy for me to blame her, but I’ve known that boy since his birth, he’s the next one along from me and we basically spent our entire childhood together.  He was always a peice of shit.  I even remember how he’d steal money in three digits from my parents...even though he got caught a few times, they never realised where it was going and I couldn’t be bothered getting involved so I never bothered bringing it up that the boy was stealing hundreds out of the till that times he rather than I was helping out at my Dad’s business.    *sigh*.  It’s just annoying you know?  I loathe that there’s actual scum-of-the-earth anti-vaxxers, that my parents were foolish enough to set him up with a woman so fucking intelletually vacuuous and he was desperate and dim-witted enough to actually go for it, and now my own Mum looks at me askew for not pretending to have sympathy for the rat-licker.  I told her flat out, that if she died, I’d be more symapthetic towards her for inevitably having to help out that ingrate of a son of her’s after he publically humiliated her in front of rat-licker’s family because he doesn’t understand how much our parents suffered for him in particular.  Sure, that makes me sound like the cunt since I am literally expressing how I don’t care about someone seriously ill,  but look, if you want me to give a shit about your suffering, you need to not have a headful of utterly rancid ideals.  It’d just be dishonest of me to suddenly feign sympathy for someone like that.    On top of this, I’m ill for the second time in that many weeks and hence am in a bit of a bad mood anyway.  I don’t think its covid, but it’s not impossible, I think something like 1 in 18 people have it in Scotland atm =/. 

#personal #text post

[40sandfabulousaf]

大家好! The last time I had fastfood was on 4 July 2023 - 8 months have passed in a blink - and there's still no craving for it. Moderately healthy local fare which includes quality protein and vegetables along with noodles, congee or rice is plentiful and readily accessible whenever we dine out. For $5.50, one is able to have fish soup noodles with bittergourd and choy sum (green leafy veggie); I paid $6.20 for an extra egg. Toss in iced local coffee at $1.60 and the total of $7.80 is close to what I would pay for a fastfood meal so why choose less nutrition?

Returning to the Muslim nasi padang stall, they served an excellent Assam patin (a type of fatty fish curry); so glad to have ordered it. Their stirfried celery was also delicious. This stall seems to excel in vegetable dishes - whatever I've tried so far has been yummy. Ever since the conflict in Gaza began, I've had Muslim food more often and enjoy learning about the various delicious dishes that the stalls serve. The price of my meal: $4.50 and hot coffee was $0.70; the total cost was $5.20, less than what I would pay for a fastfood meal!

With prices of almost everything higher than they've ever been since pre-covid, being able to afford adequate nutrition is on many people's minds. I no longer take going to bed with a full belly for granted after watching the news about households struggling to make ends meet and having to rely on food banks to get by. Parents with young children have to cut back in order to balance their family budget. When Grace's niece and nephew from Malaysia visited, she and Douglas took them out to the beach for some inexpensive fun. Standards of living have been reversed to that of the 1980s.

In Gaza, the possibility of a famine looms larger as the conflict continues. An entire civilisation risks being wiped out by starvation and lack of proper sanitation. Children have started dying from malnutrition; 3 meals a day could even be a luxury to thousands of households. Hundreds of thousands of civilians' lives have undergone tremendous upheaval, and for what? So that more of their land can be illegally occupied and seized by Israeli settlers? So that genocide can be committed against them?

Preventing a permanent ceasefire seems very immoral and wrong on so many levels, I don't even know where to start. These are innocent people who had warm loving homes, gathered with families over delicious meals and had so many dreams. Imagine if it happened to you, wherever you are in the world; would this feel right? Would you not plead for mercy and for the conflict to stop so you can live once more, versus merely existing in fear and hunger? 下次见!

#Youtube

[creativenonfiction]

Well Done!

Being a survivor in Covid 19 is such a blessing because it shows how  being brave enough to fight for our lives in the midst of the Pandemic is no easy feat and something to be proud of.

Here are some inspirational stories about being a Covid 19 Survivor;

Ivuoma Tom a COVID-19 victim who is a certified nurse as she described her experience. 

  Ivuoma Tom is employed at a private medical facility in Benin State. As a health professional who is aware of the significant danger that her line of work provides for exposing her to the coronavirus, Ivuoma researched the virus and even enrolled in an online course to better prepare herself. The two weeks she spent combating COVID-19 at the Infectious Disease Hospital in Yaba, Lagos State, however, were unprepared for.

“I got a second chance to live and I am grateful for it,”   

Not everyone is given a second chance, but if they are, take it because it's a gift and it may be something better than what you had before. For us, this saying says a lot about everything, not just being a COVID-19 survivor. God may have given us a second opportunity for a purpose; therefore, we should make the most of it by acting morally and virtuously. Because life is only temporary, it is imperative that we take care of it. If you could do away with simply one aspect from this pandemic and from this post, allow or not it's this. In each situation, regardless of how bad it is, we could usually discover a spark of light. Being reminded to be glad about what we have, being capable of gradual down, experiencing pleasure from sharing with those we love, or letting the planet we stay on relaxation and get better for a bit

“I am very fortunate to have a strong support system. My fiancé, my sister and her husband were strongly there for me,”

We should have a partner to fight beside us in every conflict. We should be able to count on someone in difficult times. help increase our motivation and better prepare us for each struggle we face. Nothing beats a familial connection, no matter what it takes; it is the greatest link anybody can have.

“I believe the coronavirus will one day be a thing of the past, but it lies in all of our hands to make that happen. Please stay safe and let's save the world.”

This quotation reminds us that nothing in this world is permanent; everything that comes through us will disappear. As a result, we should savor each moment and every challenge we face. God gave us the experience of a lifetime, but He knows that we will survive it, so don't be scared; God has divine mercy that He always extends to us. Therefore, constantly inspire yourself, be courageous, and have hope since this all happened because God knows that we will survive it. All we need to do is trust that God is always with us and that He has a purpose in presenting this challenge to us in this particular fashion. He wants us to trust him because we need to understand that he is the reason we are still alive.

A nurse who acquired COVID-19 from one of his patients healed and went back to work with a lot more compassion and commitment.

On April 1, 32-year-old nurse Eugene left the nursing home for the elderly early, excited to visit his wife and their five-month-old boy at their newly constructed home outside of Vienna. But he sensed something was up on the drive home. He started to feel worn out, his neck started to scrape, and he had the nagging suspicion that he could have picked up COVID-19 at work.

“It didn’t kill me, but I came out stronger” 

Every battle we face does not indicate that we should give up easily; rather, it serves to strengthen us rather than serve as a sign that we are weak. It didn't kill us because I fought for it, because our faith is strong and overflowing, and because this problem made us stronger than before thanks to our own experiences, patients, and  sufferings. We don't mind carelessly doing things or giving off bad vibes, but we do pray and believe that this virus is only a charger that fills our deficiency and gives us the faith we need to live. Despite the challenges we faced, We overcame them, which didn't make us weak; it only made us a better version of ourselves. Life is full of problems and suffering; not everything you want will come true, but all that will make you strong in all the trials that are coming in your life.

“I want to show that I’m there for them – even if it’s just a few minutes of relief for them. I want to remind people we can all fight this if we stay at home, stick to the facts, and still be connected while we’re physically distanced. It’s a small sacrifice compared to what the disease does to those who experienced it, and this way we can still be united in solidarity,”  Eugene Said

“When the antibody tests can be proven really effective by the World Health Organization, or governments, or private companies…I will be one of the first to volunteer to share my antibodies and try to save even just one life,”

 Even while COVID-19 gave him the fear of a lifetime, it also made him stronger. Eugene is a survivor with a tale to share and the passion for it, like more than a million others throughout the world.

COVID-19 survivor reflects on 59 days on life support and a year of recovery

Walter Byrd makes a career as an author and producer of movies by telling stories.

He survived COVID-19 last year at M Health Fairview University of Minnesota Medical Center after spending 59 days on a ventilator. One of the most significant and intimate stories he has ever told, he has spent the last year healing and sharing his experience.

“I faced it. I want to do what I can to raise awareness,” 

I can do it by myself by facing the situation... I can do it by making steps and plans for how I'll handle it and share the positive things about it, and by facing it and thinking about the positive parts of it.

“It’s important for me to express gratitude and appreciation for the people who are risking their lives to take care of others,” said Byrd.

The greatest thing to do is to express your thanks to the people who helped you become who you are now. They supported you during your time of isolation, helped you recover from it, and also served as the reason you were spared from contracting the aforementioned illness. They also prevented the COVID-19 from rising and assisted us despite the danger to their own lives.

Never, ever stop praying to God and having faith that he would help you no matter what the issue is if you simply call him. Even when you're beginning to lose hope, never, ever forget to express gratitude to those who came to your aid and showed you care when you needed it. Although COVID-19 is a fatal virus, there is little you can do to prevent it from spreading from your body except to pray to the Almighty and hope for the best.

“I was preparing myself in case anything happened.”

What will occur is not certain to us. You should constantly be mentally, emotionally, and spiritually prepared for the prospect of anything occurring.

In our lives, death is the future. As a result, when we have the chance to live, we will be prepared because we cannot tell when the time of our life will be. We prepare for the possibilities that may arise and face a person's life.

“It took time to figure out what I went through.”

In life we have so many things and situations that really make our emotions go to unexplainable feelings .. sometimes we laugh, sometimes we smile and are happy..  but in life   we realize that we need to figure out  why this happens or what is the lesson  and why it is happening ...But when we go to the brighter side we realize that life is full of circumstances and all we need is to see the positive  side of it.

Covid-19 survivors’ tales: Isolated but not neglected

The 500-bed Lakeshore Hotel Mega-Quarantine Facility in Taguig City, which officially began operations last September 25, received its first patient, 38-year-old "Julie" (not her actual name). The last thing she wanted in her life was to become infected.

She also liked the facility's exterior, which she characterized as "calm and pleasant," which helped her manage the anxiety brought on by her solitude.

"The sadness really grips whenever you realize you are alone,”

In times when you feel alone and sad, as if no one is there for you. During this time, you should be getting stronger. not only physically but also emotionally and especially spiritually because the only hope to hold on to is faith and prayer.

COVID-19 Patient Writes Inspiring Message on Glass to Caregivers

Following a coronavirus diagnosis, Nic Brown battled to survive in seclusion while being kept alive by a ventilator (COVID-19). The one window he had to the outside world was the one that had the biggest influence on his life.

That window served as a platform for encouraging words from his caregivers in the medical intensive care unit (MICU) at Cleveland Clinic, where a committed team of doctors and nurses care for the sickest of the sick.

The nurses would write goals for me to attempt and achieve each day on the window every day I was there, especially while I was on a ventilator and full life support, recalls Nic, who is no longer in intensive care. They would support me. We will get you home, was written one day.

“I watched you work hard to keep me and others alive, unable to thank you for the time that you poured into me — and although I will probably never get the chance to pour that same love and support into you, I want you to know that I think you all are rockstars.”

 “We use the OK sign and ‘thumbs up’ and other hand gestures. This virus has been a barrier to communication, but it’s also taught us that if you are open to new ideas, there are a lot of different ways to communicate.” 

“You really don’t understand the vulnerability of the human body until you face something like this. There was a time during this process where the hospital reached out to my wife and had to have the discussion about end-of-life-options. My message is for everyone to take more seriously what the impact of this can have on a person.”

 

COVID-19 survivor: ‘I prayed, exercised and played guitar’

On the morning of February 4, 58-year-old musician Riki Gonzales was getting ready to leave the Diamond Princess, a lavish cruise ship on which he had been employed. The captain abruptly declared that no one was permitted to exit because a passenger who was 80 years old had tested positive for the new coronavirus sickness (COVID-19).

“I exercised every morning and played my guitar to fight boredom,” he added. “And I was happy that I was able to write a song.”

Living a healthy lifestyle makes us happy, and engaging in our favorite hobby to pass the time is a cheerful activity. We can protect our bodies from viruses that can cause illness and infection by maintaining a healthy body and mind.

Doing your favorite thing is the best way to avoid boredom, and it may prevent you from feeling alone because who will be bored and lonely when you are with your favorite? It's your happiness; it brightens your day; it makes you feel light even when you are not feeling well. Doing your favorite thing helps you in many aspects, mentally, emotionally, and physically. Sometimes you may not see it gradually, but it helps a lot. Keep doing what's best for yourself.

[seekfirst-community]

The following reflection is courtesy of Don Schwager © 2022. Don's website is located at Dailyscripture.net

Meditation:

Do you ever feel "put-off" or ignored by the Lord?

This passage (Matthew 15:21) describes the only occasion in which Jesus ministered outside of Jewish territory. (Tyre and Sidon were fifty miles north of Israel and still exist today in modern Lebanon.) A Gentile woman, a foreigner who was not a member of the Jewish people, puts Jesus on the spot by pleading for his help. At first Jesus seemed to pay no attention to her, and this made his disciples feel embarrassed. Jesus does this to test the woman to awaken faith in her.

Jesus first tests the woman's faith

What did Jesus mean by the expression "throwing bread to the dogs"? The Jews often spoke of the Gentiles with arrogance and insolence as "unclean dogs" since the Gentiles did not follow God's law and were excluded from God's covenant and favor with the people of Israel. For the Greeks the "dog" was a symbol of dishonor and was used to describe a shameless and audacious woman. There is another reference to "dogs" in Matthew's Gospel where Jesus says to his disciples, "Do not give to dogs what is holy" (Matthew 7:6). Jesus tests this woman's faith to see if she is earnest in receiving holy things from the hand of a holy God. Jesus, no doubt, spoke with a smile rather than with an insult because this woman immediately responds with wit and faith - "even the dogs eat the crumbs".

Seek the Lord Jesus with expectant faith

Jesus praises a Gentile woman for her faith and for her love. She made the misery of her child her own and she was willing to suffer rebuff in order to obtain healing for her loved one. She also had indomitable persistence. Her faith grew in contact with the person of Jesus. She began with a request and she ended on her knees in worshipful prayer to the living God. No one who ever sought Jesus with earnest faith - whether Jew or Gentile - was refused his help. Do you seek the Lord Jesus with expectant faith?

"Lord Jesus, your love and mercy knows no bounds. May I trust you always and pursue you with indomitable persistence as this woman did. Increase my faith in your saving power and deliver me from all evil and harm."

The following reflection is from One Bread, One Body courtesy of Presentation Ministries © 2022.

with abandon

“Carrying your festive tambourines, you shall go forth dancing with the merrymakers.” —Jeremiah 31:4

The joy of the Lord is our strength (Neh 8:10). The Lord tells us to “praise His name in the festive dance” and to “sing praise to Him with timbrel and harp” (Ps 149:3). “Then the virgins shall make merry and dance, and young men and old as well” (Jer 31:13). So, this applies to all God’s people, not only the young.

As we dance and make a joyful noise to the Lord (Ps 100:2), we are to “shout with joy” and proclaim His praise (Jer 31:7, 12). Shouting, singing, dancing, and clapping are human ways of expressing praise. If we can do these things for athletes, politicians, and celebrities, how much more worthy is our God of such acclaim!

Consider what the Lord has done for us. He died to save us from sin, slavery, death, damnation, and Satan (see Mt 15:22). He rose from the dead and poured out the Spirit. He is with us always (Mt 28:20). He will never forsake us. “With age-old love,” He has loved us (Jer 31:3). He constantly forgives, heals, feeds, and frees those who call on Him. He alone is worthy to be praised (Rv 5:12), praised in every way, with all our strength, praised forever.

Prayer:  Father, send the Spirit of praise so that I may worship You with abandon as David did (2 Sm 6:14).

Promise:  “Jesus then said in reply, ‘Woman, you have great faith! Your wish will come to pass.’ That very moment her daughter got better.” —Mt 15:28

Praise:  After months without Mass because of the Covid pandemic, Dominic worships now with renewed fervor at Mass.

Reference:  (Single adults, you are invited to a retreat that will focus on your vocation Aug. 19-21. Join other Catholics striving to serve the Lord and be refreshed and renewed at this retreat. Call 513-373-2397 or e-mail [email protected].)

Rescript:  "In accord with the Code of Canon Law, I hereby grant the Nihil Obstat for the publication One Bread, One Body covering the time period from August 1, 2022 through September 30, 2022. Reverend Steve J. Angi, Chancellor, Vicar General, Archdiocese of Cincinnati, Cincinnati, Ohio January 31, 2022"

The Nihil Obstat ("Permission to Publish") is a declaration that a book or pamphlet is considered to be free of doctrinal or moral error. It is not implied that those who have granted the Nihil Obstat agree with the contents, opinions, or statements

[chocmarss]

HELP MALAYSIANS GO THROUGH FLASH FLOODS

Several states in Malaysia are suffering through flash floods after days of endless heavy rain. Houses, apartments, vehicles, and properties alike have been submerged or destroyed, leaving the citizens with little to nothing to salvage. Some of them are stuck in highways for two days. Some of them are stranded on their roofs for more than 3 days with no food, clean water, electricity, and all the basic necessities they need to survive. Roads are closing and are disintegrating. Landslides are rampant.

Here’s what’s happening:

Twitter: (LINK) (LINK) (LINK) (LINK) (LINK) (LINK) (LINK) (LINK)

Instagram: (LINK) (LINK) (LINK) (LINK) (LINK) (LINK)

The government has done nothing significant to help the people. The fire fighters are only making their way into affected towns after the flood has slowed down a bit, and what they found is the missing people, who did not survive this tragedy. They’re not properly equipped with this, even if some of the senators have warned about how bad this was gonna get back in 26/7/2021. (LINK)

The Malaysians are doing their best they can for others, hundreds of volunteers taking it into their own hands to send over food, clothing, diapers, menstruation pads, soap and shampoos, and all the required necessities to the effected towns in bulks by boats and trucks. They’re saving stranded animals who their owners, with a broken heart, are forced to leave them or did not have the chance to save them.

Here are what the Malaysians are doing:

Twitter: (LINK) (LINK) (LINK) (LINK) (LINK) (LINK) (LINK) (LINK)

Instagram: (LINK) (LINK) (LINK) (LINK) (LINK) (LINK) (LINK) (LINK)

#DaruratBanjir (translation: Flood Emergency) is the main hashtag on twitter that the people have used to reach out for everyone and anyone when flash floods are still on going. This is where you’ll be able to see just how disastrous everything is, just how much people are suffering. But, in the light that is the darkness, the people are doing everything they can for others, there will always be an ear or two to hear their needs and are more than happy to take action.

#KitaJagaKita (translation: We Help Us) is a hashtag for Malaysians who require help, those who want to help hands-on, or to just spread information on twitter. It’s been used since the pandemic started back in 2020, where the people have lend a helping hand to those who are in poverty and couldn’t—can’t— provide for their families, and it has also using it for the flash floods as well.

But, it’s not enough. The people are doing everything they can, and they’re not giving up. They’e still pushing through every obstacle in their paths, only exhaustion is starting to weight on them despite how hard they try to fight it. Malaysians need your help, our international friends, to participate if you can.

Here are some donations that non-Malaysians can do:

1) Mercy Malaysia

The person below can help if you have any problems with geo/legal restrictions, he’ll be the bridge for your donations.

(LINK)

(MAIN POST LINK)

(TWITTER HANDLE: @/penatsetan)

2) The Hope Branch

The Hope Branch is making donations of MYR500,000 to help the citizens throughout the COVID-19 AND flash floods, and has already reached MYR483,051. Their goal started on 13/1/2021 and is ending by 31/12/2021. Every penny counts!

(DONATE HERE)

3) Reimena Notion Site

@reimenaashelyee has done a Flood Relief Hub where Malaysian artists are coordinating donation drives for international followers to the flood relief.

(LINK)

4) gogetfunding.com

Ceddy Ang has set up a fundraising page for non-Malaysians. To quote him,

“I do not and will not take a single cent, I will keep everyone updated through the page. Currently capping the goal at USD $1,500 because I'm trying out this site for the first time. GoFundMe wouldn't allow a Malaysian to withdraw. :)”

Be sure to check it out!

(DONATE HERE)

(TWITTER THREAD)

5) Thread of local hotlines

Hanna Alkaf, the Malaysian author to 1) The Weight of Our Sky and 2) The Girl and the Ghost has done a thread of hotline services to help with the reliefs. It contains everything you need to donate and help the people. If you have a twitter account, be sure to retweet the thread to help spread awareness!

(TWITTER THREAD LINK)

Please reblog this post to spread more awareness!!

It breaks my heart that I don’t see tumblr making an effort to help the Malaysians, we need everyone we can with this!

If you have any more fundraising links, you can just reblog and add on here.

#also screw tumblr with their 10 pic limit what the HELL #kitajagakita #daruratbanjir #malaysia #malaysian #malaysians #fundraising #donations #hanna alkaf #tw flood #tw death #tw hunger #tw food #signal boost #financial aid #boost #important #irl events #marswrites #marsrb

[ask-the-evergreen]

Hope

So....2021 if you ask me, this year has been let's say Harsh. But to everyone who's Still Present and going strong, I hope Everyone has a Great new year, And nothing but hope and best wishes from me. I know you all at least should Know what's been going on in my life this year, but i'll put it under the cut.

(TW: Current world Events, Negative thoughts, and a Recent Loss)

I went into this year Scared, But once it hit January 1 I smacked my cheeks and Promised myself I would stick to my Resolution.

"to Stay Positive!" Don't let the hardships that may come get to you, just Keep your chin up and keep Walking, and I am Stronger then I know. Last year I felt a Decline in my own Spirit and Morale, Shutting myself down Whenever I could, Almost like I was expecting Joy to fall into my lap by itself, and that attitude hurt my Reputation with some of the Online friends I made, even Resulted in shit going dark cause I adopted a Defeatist mindset, Especially around the End of the year. I was going into the new Year and I needed to Scream at myself, to Scold myself, to Make my eyes open that I was Not what I thought I was.

In truth, I am smart, I am strong, I am Not a Fuckup, not a Failure, not a disappointment who makes things Awkward and unfun with just my presence, I needed a much needed Reflection on how I was thinking, and what "staying Positive meant." just Keep a smile and only look at the positives, whatever negatives appeared had a solution to make it better, to take that weight of my chest.

I managed to go through this Method and.......I felt better, I put Deep thought in what I wanted to do, Open up, try to Make friends, Maybe make some Kind of amends with others even if it was as easy as a Behavior fix.

I promised myself that I would better myself as an Artist, and while my hope of busting out Art hundreds would love, I didn't go as hard as I wished I did. but I know I'm still growing, Developing. but I can tell that I'm getting better and better with each one, Admiring my friends/Idols craft in ways to better my ability

And it was fun, it will Continue to be fun.

but I'd be lying if the dread of this year didn't always try to shove itself in my face even when I tried to push it away, in the end it caught up in a way None of us, me especially were ready for.

October 30th 2021 My Father, the one who Raised me, who helped me be who I am now, had passed away, gone too soon.

and the one who did it was none other then Delta Covid-19, Neither of us knew how he got it, and I caught it too, we tried to ride it out with home Medicines but....he Waited too long and he had to be on the Vent for half of the year, eventually to Intubation/Ventilation. We all held on to Hope that he'd pull through, we were planning on making the house a Wonderful place to come back to, me and the family were going to turn the Garage into the workout Center.

but I guess there were more complications with his condition then even I knew, and while I denied the worst case scenario, It was set in stone, the Day he was showed mercy, of course, it fucking hurt hard, it felt like a knife was just plunged into my Heart and it would never be taken out, but despite that I thought "I know my father, what he wants for me, and the day before he was put into his Intubation coma he told me Everything I needed to hear, That he doesn't want me to suffer, He was proud of me staying positive, and he never wanted me to Break like glass, but to Look on forward, to Press forward, and Fulfill what he wanted me to fulfll, to Excel, Adapt, Overcome and keep on trucking, to become an Artist everyone will look up to, to make my Mark on the world of art, in my own way. and the very last thing he said to me

"I love u son" and with his last words he Reassured me, I felt bad that I didn't fill the expectations that I set for myself and he was hoping for, but I will see them to the end no matter how long it may take to reach the top of that tower. After that day, from now, and Most likely through this year. I feel so....Cracked, Broken but sturdy, I don't know where I will go or how I'm going to be changed by his passing, but I know he's still here, and I got giant shoes to fill, and I would make him proud, I'll make him smile in heaven with his mother.

but I am going into this new year with the same Resolution, to Try my best to Excel, to fill the Gap that is now gone with Everything i love around me, to Define myself and Carve into stone "I AM A MAN, I AM READY TO TACKLE LIFE, AND TO FUCK SHIT UP!" I just need to set my goals, Reach them one step at a time

and continue to stay positive, it will be much harder I'm sure, with how i'm feeling (like when I was typing this) but It's something i am Capable enough to do. I am capable, I am Strong, I can Survive, and adapt.

And from my heart, Thank you, Everyone who has been following me, Supporting me, I'm sorry i left you all in the dark but I didn't want Everyone here to know my struggles when You have all been such a ray of light for me, and to all my friends, It meant the whole world to me that I still had you, Even if I'm dead silent or not amazing with keeping Conversation day by day. but to know that I am Loved and welcome, it helped me so much, and It Continues to make me feel better

thank you all for Helping me, even if you think you didn't do anything. and cheers to a better year ahead, I know everyone has their own resolutions and Goals and I know for a FACT you can reach them, even if it's a slow growth, a Tree takes years to grow anyway.

"learn, grow, Adapt, Overcome, Become a fucking Boss!"

(and I'm so glad you're all enjoying the Collaboration Story i'm doing with occasionallucario, who is a Ray of Light let me say, And I hope that afterwards you will all love what I have in store for the Guardian of the Evergreen, and whatever Creations I unveil through the year.

#Super Long post #ooc #Serious talk #I love all of you #and cheers to a better year

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 40 - Appeal for buzzword of the year.

K: Hi, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru with this week's episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome. Oh, thats noisy! *Adjusting chair*

J: Haha

K: How noisy.

J: I feel like I've been seeing you every day.

K: Yeah, what could that be?

T: Yeah.

J: Yeah, its strange.

K: Yeh, I feel like I saw you yesterday.

J: Thats right.

T: Yeah.

K: Did something happen, I wonder?

J: Yeah, something might have...

K: Haha.

J: Anyhow, I drank too much last night, and I have quite a hangover today.

K: Oh really? Yeh, your face somehow looks a bit swollen.

J: Right?

K: Haha

J: *To Tasai* Have you been drinking? For the end of the year?

T: Not at all.

J: Oh, you havn't? How about you Kaoru?

K: Oh, I have.

J: Have you? Not too much though?

K: No, I've been ok.

Kami: *sneezes*

J: I just heard a sneeze!

K,T: Hahaha.

J: Kami sneezed like, 'Ahhchoo'. Haha, what great timing to sneeze.

K: Ok, so this week, its still a little early, but lets  go with this topic. Joe, could you..?

J: Yes. 'Early predictions for buzzword of the year. The most symbolic word of the year is...?' Well, there have already been 30 nominations released for the buzzword of the year. But, well, there are predictions, and most of the words for 2020 are corona related. At the moment the prediction for #1 is 'social distance', #2 is 'the Three C's', #3 is 'Stay Home', #4 is 'Covid crisis', #6 is 'Abe no mask', #9 is 'Amaebi'..

K: Its 'Amabie'. (*This is the name of a spirit which is believed to ward off plagues*)

J: Ah, Amabie, yes. What did I say?

K: Ama ebi (*sweet shrimp*).

T: Very delicious stuff will come.

J: That sounds odd.

K: haha

J: Uh, #10 is 'State of Emergency'. 8 out of the top 10 are corona related. There are also others such as 'Go To Campaign', 'PCR test', and 'Self-restraint police' etc within the nominations.

K: I see.

J: What do you two think about a buzzword for this year?

T: Was there something..?

J: In terms of this show?

K: Oh, on this show?

J: Yeh, something from this show.

K: Well, there should be something.

J: Haha, yeah.

K: A lot of things were said off the cuff.

T: Yeah, haha.

J: I've a feeling our buzzword of the year might be something that Kami has said, haha.

T: There must be so many things, but..

K: You somehow can't remember, right?

T: Yeah, I can't remember.

J: Yeh, I can't remember either.

T: Its strange.

J: Does this mean the stuff Kami has said has left no impression on me?

K: Haha

J: Even though he talks a lot..

T: Yeah.

K: There must be something..

T: Yeah, there must be.

Kami: I say a lot of good stuff.

J: Good stuff?

Kami: Yeah, I say good stuff.

J: Im sorry Kami, you havn't left much of an impression. 

Kami: I havn't?

J: Sorry.

K: He changes quite a lot doesn't he?

J: Yeah, he has no sense of consistency.

T: Haha, thats true.

J: ???*1

T: There is like '¥1000 p/h' with Kami.

J: '¥1000 p/h'!

T: One of Kami's words.

K: Or 'Night-shift'.

J: Oh, 'Night-shift', right.

T: He kinda has a 'Kani kōsen/The Crab Cannery Ship' feel to him. (*A 1929 proletarian novel by Kobayashi Takiji*)

J: Haha, he has a sense of Kobayashi Takiji, right?

T: Yeah, haha.

J: But as for this show, we did mention Hanshin quite a bit.

K: Hmmm, well...

J: Not enough to make it a buzzword of the year?

K: Sometimes.

J: Only sometimes? Does Tokyo Sports have anything, like articles that were a big hit, outside of corona?

T: Well, there was a surprising amount of negative news.

J: Right?

T: Things about all the suffering that took place this year.

J: Wasn't there any really silly Tokyo Sportsy stories that took off?

T: I don't think there was this year.

J: Wasn't there?

T: Because its always been about Tenryu.(*Former Pro-wrestler*)

K: Hahaha.

T: Sorry about that everyone, this new Reiwa era has been...

J: Is Tenryu still active?

T: Haha, no..

K: No, he's not.

T: The viewers might be ??? *2

J: By Tenryu, you mean Tenryu Genichiro, right?

T: Yes.

K: But he does appear on TV quite a bit.

T: For any one who doesn't know what we're taking about, we'll just say he's on tv sometimes.

K: Choshu san too, right? (*Former Pro-wrestler*)

T: Yeah.

J: Ah, Choshu san? Yeah. 

T: We run stories about the secret 'Tenryu metal bat' incident, and stuff.

K: But we want that kind of thing, right?

J: Yeh, everyone expects its to be corona corona corona, but on the other hand if you go with Tenryu..

K: Haha, Tenryu for buzzword of the year??

J: Yeah, haha. Wouldn't it be great if our buzzword for the year was 'Tenryu'?

T: I think it would be for Tokyo Sports...Tenryu, or..'Big boobs' or something like that.

J: Ahh. Well, we need something for this show, The Freedom of Expression. Like, 'Night shift'?

T: Hmm, 'night shift' or..I feel like you've said quite a few puns, Joe.

J: I probably have.

K: But actually, last time...Kami was saying 'small boobs' quite a lot.

J, T: Hahaha

J: He was! The buzzword of the year: Small boobs?

T: There's quite a lot of things 'lacking' about this show too though, isn't there? Haha.

K: Yeh, lacking good taste. It can't be helped.

J: Well, yeh, Kami is vulgar. We can't change that. Isn't there anything you can think of, Kaoru? Anything unforgettable..a symbol of 2020?

K: I feel like there should be.

T: Oh, but there was Hosojimaya too!

J: Hosojimaya, yeh. Carbohydrate + carbohydrate.

K: That was your..

T: Your favourite set meal right?

J: I always end up saying that...Carbs + carbs.

T: Oh, I remember one. When Kaoru was eating ramen at Hosojimaya, he said 'I'm collecting all the onions in one spoon'.

K: Hahaha

J: Collecting all the onions in one spoon?

T: It was that delicious.

J: When you were drinking the soup?

K: Yeah.

T: Yeh, he was like, 'The onions are so good, I can get them all into one spoon!'. That one stands out for me.

J: Haha 'Collecting the onions in one spoon', the buzzword for 2020?

K: But I do sit there eating that for a long time, the onions and stuff.

T: Yeh, you were saying, 'This is so good'.

J: Why is that? You are not remembering being poor as a kid?

K: I just like onions.

J: You like onions?

T: They are delicious.

J: I like them too. I still go to Hosojimaya sometimes.

K: Oh, do you?

J: Yeah.They said they've had a few customers who saw the restaurant on this show. So thank you for that.

K: It'd be nice to go to some other places lIke that. A Chinese restaurant or something.

J: Yeah, it would. I wanna go to Chinese restaurants so much that the buzzword for the show next year will be 'Chinese restaurants'!

T: Haha

K: Im not sure about that just yet...

J: Oh, is that a bit too much? haha. But, I don't know why I said 'Sweet prawn' (amaebi), instead of Amabie. When I shake my head, I can feel the alcohol sploshing around.

K: But when this came out at first, we didn't know anything about it, did we?

T: I still don't really. What is it?

K: Im not that sure..

J: Its like a spirit to protect against infectious disease. I don't know where this came from. Its like a strange looking character. Amabie..

T: But Joe-style is Ama ebi.

K: Was sweet prawn a thing this year? haha.

J: I messed up..

K: Its the first I've heard of it!

T: Haha, yeh.

J: Well, yeh, sweet prawn didn't really come up in our lives during 2020. But don't you wanna come up with something that is unrelated to corona?

T: Yeah.

K: Well, yeh.

J: Kami, do you have any ideas?

Kami: As for me? I kinda want this one to do well...'Ojikun' (*A trend of younger women falling for middle aged men*). Its not in the nominations, is it?

T: Oh, Ojikyun, yeah.

J: What is Ojikyun?

T: There was this tv drama with a bunch of middle aged men, and the younger women thought they were cute. Like they fell for them.

K: Oh, I remember something like that.

T: Yeah, it was a manga too.

J: Ojikyun...that sounds good.

K: *points at Joe* You think you are old enough for Ojikyun?

J: I really want that to happen.

K: Well, that makes us all Ojikyun.

J: Haha, no no, thats totally me.

T: Joe, you are still young!

J: No no, really. Lets go with 'Ojikyun'.

K: You keep saying we should go with everything, haha.

J: Well, you see, the alcohol is affecting me today, it really is.

K: Ok, lets appeal for suggestions...

J: Oh, yeah.

K:...for this show's buzzword of the year.

T: Ah, I see.

K: Lets see which things have left an impression on the viewers.

T: Well, for me its Kaoru collecting all those onions. So, we want to know what other things have stood out to the viewers.

J: Yeah. I liked the hoodie.

T: Oh, the Tokyo Sports hoodie?

J: Yes.

T: Oh, thank you.

J: Tokyo Sports hoodie. Is it a buzzword, or maybe a trending item?

T: Oh, that makes me so happy.

K:  Is it selling?

T: Well, thanks to this show, and Joe modelling it..

J: No no no.

T: Joe, the fashion leader.

J: Im not a fashion leader at all. I only ever wear black.

K: Hahaha

T: Is it Kyary pamyu pamyu or Joe Yokomizu? haha

J: What are you talking about? haha. Okay, I'll go with 'Tokyo Sports Hoodie' for the buzzword.

T: Thank you. ??? *3

J: Haha. Thank you ???

T: Yeah.

J: So, lets ask the viewers for thier suggestions.

K: Yeah, lets.

J: Which was the best word on the show this year, or the most symbolic.

T: Sounds good.

K: So, should we choose the one with the most votes as the winner?

J: I guess thats how it would go.

T: Well, we can't forget about what Kami wants..

K: So, like we can choose one, and if we remember it...We won't just go by which had the most suggestions.

T, J: Yeh, yeh, yeh.

K: And we can give one of the radio stickers as a present to that person.

J: Oh, those stickers! Thats a good idea.

Kami: Um, this might be a bit different from a buzzword, but Dir en grey did that online live show, right?

T, K, J: Yes.

Kami: Not the online live, I mean the streamed setlist chosen by members.

T, K, J: Oh yes

Kami: When the new song 'World of Mercy' was played, everyone said, 'Its Tashiro!'. (*Controvesial former tv star Tashiro Masashi, nicknamed 'Marcy', prosecuted for filming up womens' skirts and drug use. Marcy/マーシー and Mercy/マーシー have the same pronunciation in Japanese.*)

T: Ah, I see, haha.

K: Oh, that. Marcy..

Kami: Yes, Marcy/Mercy, its Tashiro. Could that be a buzzword?

T: I mean, what can we say about that?

J: I guess it is...

K: Well, it is, but if a regular person saw it, they would think of that Marcy (*as opposed to Dir's Mercy).

J: Haha, 'that Marcy'? Should we include 'Tashiro'?

T: I mean, it is a thing amongst the fans.

Kami: Within this show...Tashiro.

T: Online slang is pretty interesting, right?

J: Yeah.

K: Lets just put this Mercy/Marcy talk to one side, shall we? Haha.

J: Really. We ended up talking about this kind of thing before we even realised it.

K: But yeah, Id like to decide on a buzzword for the year for the Freedom of Expression, so please send us your suggestions.

J: Where should they send them to?

K: Er, in the comments for this vid, or on my twitter. I'll write a tweet about this, so people can reply to that. Ok, well, lets finish here this week. Please subscribe. Thank you very much.

*1,2,3 - Either couldn't hear, or couldn't figure out.

#dir en grey #the freedom of expression #tfoe #kaoru #薫 #buzzword