#stim toy collection update

[kollector-of-stims]

Yet another updated stim toy collection since I've gotten a good little bit of them recently! This time named and organized by groups under the cut!

🌈Stretchy stims:

• scented stretchlerz

• sand-filled carrot and banana

• stretchy realistic banana

• monkey noodles

• stretchy textured caterpillars

🌈Various tactile stims:

• boinks

• wacky tracks

• tangles

• fidget cubes/pads/dodecahedron

• fidget spinners

• textured suction cup strip

• magnetic rings

• infinity cube

• mini slinkies

• curly things

• bikechain fidget

• other various things I forgot the name of

🌈Various stim/stress balls:

• orbeez-filled strawberry

• sensory fx elements

• "hydrated" and "dehydrated" dna balls

• nee doh popping ball

• nee doh squishy fruits

•glow-in-the-dark sticky squishy dinos

• pig and dino splat balls

• blue textured snow ball

• orbeez-filled lightbulb

• narwhal and berry cat sqweezie petz

• animal dumpling stress balls

🌈Pop-its:

• Various shaped pop-its

• a pop-it pearl

• unicorn pop-it ball

• pop-it stick 'em pals cow

🌈Articulated stims:

• Articulated slug, shark, eel, and unicorn

• mini articulated worm

• watchitude octo (articulated octopus)

🌈Squishies/soft things (not all of them but the ones I use the most):

• Mallow Mallow cat and cow

• squishy tardigrade

• amazing squishee penguin

• squishy stress gear owl and pufferfish

• a cheap squishy ball from the dollar store (my first ever stim toy!)

🌈Textures:

•big eye squish confetti balls

• silicone brush

• puffer stegosaurus

• mini koosh ball

• prickle balls

•small prickle hedgehog

🌈Auditory/ASMR stims:

• sensory fx asmr crackle and squish eggs

• crunchy blankets from kittens vs gherkins

•sensory fx suction cup octopus

• pop tubes

• sensory fx asmr pods (exclusive carrying case pods)

• sensory fx bots

🌈Putties:

•silly putty

•crazy Aaron's thinking putty (super scarab in the purple container)

🌈Visual stims:

• tsunameez egg

• tsunameez baggies

• liquid motion bubbler

• sensory fx asmr bot

• sensory fx fidget stick

🌈Various stims in one:

• fidgetz sushi

• squirkies

• sensory fx pods

🌈Weighted/etc stims/didn't know how to categorize:

• weighted sand-filled lizards

• magic mixlings mini blind bag toys

• rainbow dash fashem

• squishy ball cat toy

• manta ray puzzle erasers

• starfish puzzle eraser

• kinder bike toy

• smooth pendant

• handmade swirly polymer clay pendant

• curly cat toy

• cats vs pickles & kittens vs gherkins plush(ies) (I have many more)

🌈Stims I forgot to add in the post because I always forget to include things but NOT THIS TIME:

• sensory fx stick

• suction cup squeeze toy

• stretchy slug

• chicken mochi squishy

• mini fidgetz pop-it

• clip-on mini train pop-it

• piece of a sensory fx asmr fidget cube

• bubble stuffed squishy friends shark

• small squishy guinea pig toy

• balloon with rice inside it

🌟Feel free to ask about any stim toy you have questions about! Also if you want, let me know if you have any of these same things!!🌟

#stim #stim toy collection #mine #stim toys #fidget toys #stim toy tour #stim toy collection update #autism #neurodivergent

[bonesandthebees]

hello bee!! Had a tiiiiiny, baby-size depressive episode + panic attack over the weekend. But GREAT news, I created an infinity cube out of Lego while in the trenches. Autism win.

I did have to upgrade my little stim-toy carrying case, since. If you remember me, I’m the anon who mentioned ordering a pinned moth and set of magnet stims when the whole Wilbur situation started overflowing. So my Altoids tin of fidgets got too small after I suddenly had two new ones within a few days, lol. Found a good zipper-container for them. Little spinny-ring, Lego infinity cube, and a set of stick magnets, nice and portable now.

My moth is still on the way :) I’m excited for him to come home.

I started writing on a few of my wips again. It’s been slow going, especially with university. But it’s nice going back to the stories I’ve been working on. I still have to build my stamina up again, I am finding it difficult to sit and write for hours at a time, utilizing his character for as long as I used to. But I’m getting better :)

Just have to give it time, work on it slowly. And it still IS fun. The character is different than he is, and while it’s a bit rattling, it’s just part of the process.

It’s not really an ask. Just an update. But I do feel better than I did a a few weeks ago :) I have some tea. My fidgets. A moth on the way. A haircut appointment in a few days. Found a couple new video-essay channels to watch.

Remember to take care of yourself, too, Bee <3 thank you for looking after all of us and our thoughts. So excited to see more of your writing. I think I’ve gone back and reread this year’s Halloween-special fic six times or so. It’s been a big inspiration for a horror-y SBI writing project of my own :) the suspenseful writing is just so fun.

I'm gonna be so honest I read the phrase "I created an infinity cube out of Lego autism win" and laughed so hard. I love that for you so much /gen

hooray for having so many stim toys you need a bigger container for them!! sounds like you have a great collection going. very excited for you to get your moth!!

yes, just give it time. it's great that you've already started trying to work on your wips again, but don't feel like you have to rush it. while I mostly feel settled about things, I'm still waiting to go back to trying to write any of my wips. take it slow and just be mindful of how you're feeling and all that.

sounds like you have a lot of nice little things going for you right now and I'm so happy about that :)

I'm doing my best to take care of myself. got myself to write some qsmp stuff today so hoping to start posting this wip soon.

also picture me as one of those crying cat emojis rn because I'm so happy you reread that halloween fic. it's literally one of my favorite things I've written and I hold it so near and dear to my heart I'm so glad you enjoyed it <33

#ask #anon

[eelstims]

Updated Stim Toy Collection! (2022)

Before sorting! Everything is sorted and labelled under the cut. Feel free to ask me any questions you may have (Not pictured: Giant glowing fish tube lamp)

1) Putties, slimes, and sand

2) Misc fidgets

3) Tangles and Wacky Tracks

4) Visual stims

5) Squishies

6) Soft stims, weighted stims

7) Noodles and similar <3

8) Auditory stims (Non ASMR-Brand)

9) ASMR-Brand stims

10) Hard spiky stims

11) Chews

12) Daily stims (Generic earplugs, Flare Calmer, and 2 textured tags)

That’s everything! Here’s my 2021 post to compare if you made it this far.

#stim toy collection #stim toys #stim toy #actuallyautistic #autism #mine

[companionwolf]

Updated comfort object list

As of 10/13/23.

My every day carry items (ie the stim toys + my solo ttrpg kit)

Honestly all my stim toy collection but especially the ones in my little bag + the ones I carry in my pocket

Green flannel

Brown hoodie

Dog tags

The one kandi bracelet I wear 24/7

The Polaroids of Central in my wallet kind of count I think?

Pawprint spinner ring/s

My 3 silicone rings

Whatever plushie I'm carrying that day / my plushies in general

My Papo grey wolf figure

That pink LPS toy cat in my pocket with the stim toys

My collars [note: the collar I wear 24/7 is in a grey area; it's not mine and is worn for another part's comfort but it does comfort me too]

Probably other stuff I'm forgetting

#wolf barking #comfort object #comfort item #as you can see things have changed

[decepti-thots]

☕️ transformers toys! do you collect or are you just into the media aspect?

oh i ABSOLUTELY collect toys!!! i don't talk about it on tumblr nearly as much because i've noticed a lot of folks over here are for sure mostly here for the fiction, but i get a lot more into that side over on my twitter. i always wanted to collect the toys but never had the disposable income for anything like that til i got my current job a few years ago. i spend a lot of the little disposable income i have on plastic bullshit, haha.

my collection still isn't very big at all in the grand scheme of things, but i broke a hundred TFs fairly recently. not sure exactly how many i'm at rn, i need to update my collection spreadsheet. some of my collection focuses are centered around fiction i'm attached to (my fave to collect is TFA, which aside from being imo the best single toyline was where i got into TF, then i also collect IDW1-related stuff and magnus and rodimus toys). but a lot of my interest in the toys just comes from the toys intrinsically, like i'm starting a beast wars transmetals collection despite not caring about BW fiction because i enjoy the toyline itself so much! and i want to start a G2 collection.

my fave toys i own at the moment are the elite guard tfa prowl, e-hobby deadlock, MP ultra magnus and transmetals tarantulas. my "grail" list of stuff i want is a mile long but this year i am REALLY trying to get an e-hobby glit and as an absolute pipe dream, looking for a cloud rodimus, i.e. the official 'idw' rodimus toy, to match my official 'idw' deadlock...

anyway, i love the toys. i spend a stupid amount of money on weird oddities and what have you, but my favourite thing about TFs is that you can absolutely get a great, fun collection going without ever having to spend silly money if you don't want to. for every toy I spent £100+ on or whatever, there's one I got for under £25 which is really fun. i keep a load of little ones on my desk and work to stim with and it's fantastically fun. <3

#ask meme #seriously i am ALWAYS down to talk toys haha

[woolcorduroys]

updated ‘stim’ item collection coming soon

hi everyone,

i haven’t posted much at all here but i hope to have another picture of my updated stim item collection posted soon. Since my last post, I have a few more lovely tangles and my go-to items have changed. I’m slowly getting comfortable with the Tumblr platform so i’ll try to post more often when I feel like doing so. 

Thank you for the wonderful support from my last stim toy collection post :)

-Dove

[welcometothemusicandthemisery]

can i ask what other sections you have on ur brain discord? it sounds like a cool idea :0

Thanks! I saw it in a tweet but made section ideas myself. Basically it’s a discord only you have access to to put whatever you want in for organisation/fun/any other reason

So first is “left brain” where I put important things like reminders, important information, resources, etc.

Then is “right brain” where I dump stuff like my art, writing, any ideas I have and other creative things like that.

Then there is “neurodivergent brain” which is basically the interests section (so like I’ll put my animal crossing pictures, my astrology notes, etc)

Then there is my spam folder where I put stuff like my quiz results, picrews, bingos, memes I like, etc

Then there’s the diary section which has a diary I was meant to use, a vent section and a dream diary (but I only ever use the dream diary, I’m moving the other 2 to their own server but since I have a lot on dream diary it’s staying)

Last but not least is a section for all my different collections (my plushies, ornaments, fidget/stim toys and my crystals) and while i need to update it it’s a great way to keep track of what I have quickly.

Anyway you can pick and choose what you might want to do and add your own things, it’s quite fun!

#ask #starsailor8032

[adollchild]

do you have any tips on how to distract yourself from scary thoughts? 😢💗

Hi anon

I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling with bad thoughts. My best tip to distracting yourself is to do something you enjoy. Some suggestions could be:

♡ Reading a book or an article on a subject you find interesting

☆ Playing a game

♡ Playing with stim toys like kinetic sand, slime, tangles, or whatever you like

☆ Making or updating a board on Pinterest. It could be a moodboard, a board about interest of yours, or a collection of pictures of a character you like

♡ Watching a movie or a series you like, or a YouTube video from a channel you love

☆ Imagining a place where you feel safe. It could be a real place or a made up one. Try to imagine the different sensations in that place, the different colors, smells, noises, etc. Remember that this is your place, and you can change anything you want about it if you want to. Take all the time you need to explore your safe place.

♡ Drawing something that makes you happy, or something you like. You can also color in a coloring book.

☆ Going outside to get some fresh air. You don’t have to go out on a walk, you can just sit outside and listen to the birds, feeling the wind on your face, focusing on the different sensations.

Remember that no matter how scary your thoughts are, they are just thoughts. They can’t hurt you.

I hope you could use some of my suggestions. Have a nice day/night ♡

#asks #sophia speaks #tw bad thoughts mention

[riddlerbrandautism]

First original post on this blog,and it's a little update post:

I finished up on making my hamster worry stone/fidget toy,but I broke off the muzzle again on accident so for now the post showing off my hamster stim toy collection that I've amassed as of so far, is postponed. In the mean time,expect some more hamster gifs and other assorted stuff of that nature.

(No pun intended)

#sorry for putting this in the main tags lol #text #misc

[autistic-raphael]

Bike chain fidgets from fidgetland! These are all large size, and the one in the bottom right with yellow/gold rings is the jimbasu which is the biggest one they make! So far the noah is the quietest and also the weirdest to use!

#actuallyautistic #actually autistic #actuallystimming #actually stimming #actually autism #flippy fidget #fidgetland #fidget toys #bike chain fidget #self #i have one more package in the mail and then ill do a big stim toy update!!!!! #Collection Big

[aquilacalvitium]

Best Christmas/Yuletide gifts for my comfort characters

(I celebrate Yuletide and therefore they have to as well)

Edit: I will now be regularly updating this every time I get a new comfort character or remember an old one so check back regularly if you want

Yakko Wakko and Dot:

Literally any stim toy. Bouncy balls, fidget spinners, stretchy putty etc.

Infinite the Jackal:

Probably a stress ball or punching bag to let out some of that anger, though he wouldn't complain (too much) if you gave him a soft blanket to snuggle up in.

Sweet Cap'n Cakes:

Noise cancelling headphones, band shirts and festive treats! The three of them get most of their Christmas pleasure out of eating snacks all day and listening to seasonal music.

Sun/Moon:

Night lights, bedtime eye masks, noise-making sensory toys and a mountain of weighted blankets!

Helsknight:

Puzzle books, noise-cancelling headphones or any kind of thick blanket, hot water bottle or cosy pyjamas. He lives in the Nether (Hels) so he's used to high temperatures and finds the overworld chilly at best.

Wheatley:

I dunno, uh.... a rubix cube? But he doesn't have hands. And isn't nearly smart enough to solve one. Uhhhhhh maybe just get him an audio book to listen to.

Natemare:

New plectrums or amplifiers are always good, but if you wanna make him REALLY happy, just get him a whole ass new guitar

Phantom:

The dude can never have too many waistcoats, and 100% has a collection of fancy canes. He will never complain if you get him a new cane.

Fantoccio:

String puppets, model theaters/villages, or tickets to see a live performance of any play! He loves a good show but will be over the freaking moon if you get him tickets to see a musical, and especially if said musical is Phantom of the Opera - his favourite!

Ingo:

Uhhh if we're going for Legends Arceus universe Ingo, he gets a train whistle because it might bring back memories of his old life

Ahsoka:

Jedi aren't allowed material attachments but she gets cookies

Movie!Knuckles the Echidna:

Fiction books. I think he'd thoroughly enjoy tales of brave warriors, heroes and adventures. He would get very emotionally invested and react very loudly as he's reading as if he were actually watching the events physically unfold in front of him. He's a particular fan of Star Wars.

Balan:

Aw heck, as much as I love the guy I don't actually know much about him. Ummm, I think like Fantoccio he'd be thrilled to recieve tickets to a play or a musical, but he also seems to like shiny things so he probably has a collection of gemstones that he's always happy to recieve an addition to.

#aquila's comfort characters #i am my own target audience i don't expect many people to get or reblog this #feel free to tho #i just wrote this for me #because i love these doofuses #animaniacs #animaniacs 1993 #yakko wakko and dot #sonic #sonic the hedgehog #infinite the jackal #deltarune #sweet cap'n cakes #sweet cap'n k k #fnaf #fnaf sb #fnaf sun moon #fnaf sun #fnaf moon #helsknight #hermitcraft #hermitcraft helsknight #aquila thinks #happy fuel #wheatley #portal #portal 2 #portal wheatley #aquila infodumps

[kollector-of-stims]

I was just working on a draft of a huge stim toy collection update post and now that I saved the draft again, its gone... :'(

#WHAT HAPPENED TO IT I PRESSED SAVE NOT DELETE OR ANYTHING #just talking #hope i can recover it...

[friendshapedplant]

Buying a Twiddle in 2022

[ID: Different colored Twiddle fidgets lined in vertical rectangular boxes. They are bunched up at the top of the box, and the rest of the box is packaging that reads “Twiddle, fidget, crunch, shape. unlimited fun, stress relief and more!” /end ID]

TL;DR: This could have gone a lot worse. If you want to buy a Twiddle, you can try and go through the official site. If you don't get a confirmation email or anything from Zorbitz, reach out to the company, they'll most likely get back to you. If you don't want to potentially deal with that, you can try going through eBay for (hopefully) less of a hassle.

To clarify: this isn't a review of the Twiddle itself, this is just going over my story of getting one. If anyone wants me to review the Twiddle, leave me a comment or somethin! Maybe I'll consider it.

Hi, I like fidgets and stim toys. One could say I collect them. I see a stim, I wanna get my grubby lil hands on it. This is what happened with Twiddle, a fidget by Zorbitz Inc.

Twiddle fidgets are like an in between for wacky tracks and snake twists; more joints than wacky tracks, less than a snake twist, got a bit of noise to them unlike a snake twist, but aren't as loud as wacky tracks, hopefully you see what I mean. I love clicky stims like wacky tracks, and I like the feel of the snake twist, so I thought this could almost be a nice in between! Thus began my journey to acquire one.

It was a bit of a rocky journey.

It's not a fidget I've seen around a whole lot; not one you can get in teacher stores or fidget resellers, from what I've seen. However, they do have a website, which you can buy them right off of! Except... not gonna lie, it's raises one tiny red flag.

Their website is twiddlenow.com, and if you look at the footer of the page, there is a part that reads, “©2014 Zorbitz, Inc.” That copyright year is supposed to be updated every year, but it's been 8 years since that happened, which left me a bit concerned.

Nontheless, I went forward with my purchase on December 29, 2021. I wanted to get a single black Twiddle. I processed the payment through PayPal, PayPal confirmed my purchase, and... there was nothing from the get go. I thought I would have gotten a confirmation email about my order, but nope. I figured, “Well, maybe they don't do that for some odd reason? We'll see if it shows up in afew weeks.”

I waited nearly a whole month, and still nothing. The business was US based, so I didn't think shipping times would be ludicrous. I decided to take it up with PayPal On January 22 to get a refund. Admittedly, right after I did that, I realized I should have tried reaching out to Zorbitz before doing so, as they have a contact page on their website. I went ahead and sent an email to both emails listen just to be safe, and this is the message I sent them:

Hello, I am emailing because on December 29, I placed an order for a twiddle through your site, twiddlenow.com. My PayPal was charged, but I never received a confirmation email from your site, and I have not received the product. I have filed a case with Paypal, and would like to either receive information about the state of my order or a refund.

Much to my pleasant surprise, I got a response:

Thank you for your patience with this. We never received this order. I just processed a full refund on Paypal. Let me know if you have any questions on this or need additional information. Thank you for your patience.

Sure enough, I got my refund! And I'm very glad I did, I thought my 22 bucks were gone for. I thus took this money and bought a purple Twiddle off of eBay, which took only afew days to arrive. I considered making a post about this back then, but I'm glad I didn't, because the story, surprisingly, doesn't end there.

Today, February 21, I got a packages from Zorbitz Inc. Inside were two black Twiddle fidgets. At first they looked exactly the same, but upon taking them out of the box...

[ID: The Twiddle fidgets formed into stars with several points on a white background. The one on the right has one part sticking out in a rectangular shape rather than a triangular point. /end ID]

They were pretty different. The one on the right's joints are very loose, and it's got a strange piece up in that part where it sticks out, and when I picked it up, it dropped into a more teardrop shape rather than holding its circular shape, like the left one does. Upon closer inspection, it turns out the weird piece that sticks out is a clasp.

[ID: Closeup photo of the clasp, which has been pulled apart. /end ID]

The one on the left is almost exactly the same as my purple Twiddle off of eBay, though I think my purple one might have more joints, for I can't get it into that perfect star shape. I get the feeling this loose one with a clasp is supposed to be a necklace.

Also, as a bit of credential, this is the packing slip, my address obviously marked out.

[ID: Packing slip for the order. In the top right is the Zorbitz logo, and to the left is their address and contact information, which is as follows:

5948 Lindenhurst Ave Los Angeles, CA 90036 US 323-571-4944 [email protected]

The ship date is 1/28/2022 and lists 2 Twiddle blacks as the items. /end ID]

They sent this out a week or so after I got my refund, so I get the feeling this was a gift to make up for what happened and so I don't talk shit about them? It was a pleasant surprise, granted, but also kind of strange.

So, now I have a purple Twiddle, a black Twiddle, and a black Twiddle (Boneless Edition). Pretty cool Zorbitz sent me those, and maybe if I want another flavor of Twiddle, I can try buying from them again, seeing as they haven’t disappeared into the void. I’m curious to see if anyone else has bought a Twiddle from them.

#original post #stims #stim toys #stim tools #stim devices #twiddle #twiddle fidget #fidget #actually autistic #actuallyautistic #atlas.txt

[adhdsix]

i gotta sleep soon so ive decided i will finally dump a buncha my headcanons here aswell adfhsf theyre all in here but im gonna copy paste them as a post as well because i wanna ill be updating the doc a lot but i probably wont edit the post much notes slight spoilers but not much? i dont think? mono is written to be the tallest because rcg is more like a bonus i guess? but she is the tallest + oldest (this goes for other similar things written abt six, mono and/or rk) some of these are more like what-if scenarios (ex. modern stuff mentioned like cars) that could fit maybe in an au of sorts rather than entirely canon all links are safe

Six

she/it/they

ADHD

Tasteblind, but sensitive to certain food textures

Shortest by a lot, youngest but not by much Zero sense of time

Likes lullabies, gets Mono to sing them to her (likes to make up her own versions sometimes) Short attention span, unless she’s insanely invested in something

Definitely bites ice cream Uses Mono like a cat tree, climbs all over him, loves to sit up on his shoulders or just literally drape herself around his neck like a scarf (Mono eventually gets used to it, but she still can’t stay there for long or it starts to hurt) (possibly a little random but think like .. them + )

Likes most toys but hates dolls, usually tears them apart/messes with them for fun Not a huge fan of rain, but the sound is calming, and she loves the aftermath, which includes the smell, dew on grass, just how everything looks, worms and snails coming out of hiding, and splashing in puddles

Likes teddy bears (big and cuddly, plus, reminds her of Mono)

You are not immune to her puppy eyes. Raincoat Girl is probably the only person who is

Collects things a lot, gets attached to certain items for a random amount of time When she learns a new phrase or word, she loves to repeat it to herself ( not really in the “ look at me i learned a new word and i'm gonna use it all the time “ type way, she just finds it entertaining, kinda like vocal stimming ) Does a similar thing when she finds something that someone else said funny, mocks them by repeating it and giggling

Likes making "nests" out of her stuff

Definitely occasionally runs on all fours, it's usually not for too long though.

Most of the time it’s momentarily while she's already in the middle of sprinting, to give herself a boost with a bound or two, or if she trips or feels herself falling forward while running she'll shift onto all fours which is is how she originally developed that "reflex", to prevent herself from falling while running, but eventually she started using it a little more often 

She can also just walk normally on all fours too but she usually only uses it while running 

She likes to show off her object collections to Mono, he’s very supportive :] Loves long car rides, as well as Runaway

Brings mono gifts (usually dead rats, birds, etc. or bizzare objects from her collection that reminded her of him for whatever reason)

Hates drinks like soda or sparkling water, anything fizzy is a no-no

Likes shiny things Her pupils widen (that cat thing) when she sees something interesting, or something/someone she likes Plus her eyes shine in the dark / in photos sometimes, they usually look red

Mono gave Six their lighter

Heterochromia, their right eye is a dark, reddish brown, the other is milky white

Always chewing on stuff

Fidgets lots, stim buddies with Mono Six stims by rocking on her feet, bouncing, cracking her fingers and shaking fists most often She also vocal stims lots, mostly by repeating animal noises

It’s got tons of freckles

She likes to sing, and is very good at it but doesnt get to very often

it’s favorite things to sing are hypno and sunshine ( 11:11 hypno, sunshine )

Not super into arts, but loves to draw, and is very fascinated by origami

Often refers to Mono as a nerd (affectionate) (also sometimes dork)

Purrs, growls, hisses etc. Because she doesn't talk much, she adapts more animal-like ways of communication, not only vocally but also physical stuff (slow blinking, headbutting stuff, mostly cat-like traits and reflexes. also she likes to drop stuff off of shelves and tables just bc its fun)

Doesn't know her own strength a lot of the time

Very touch starved (they all are) even if she doesn't realise it

Flinches and/or swats others away when touched Eventually they get used to Mono, he's the only person that can touch her at all, but she still has limits

No sense of others personal space though

She’s great at tracking things, mostly small animals

Super ticklish, not very happy that Mono found out 

Very visual memory

She really loves all types of music, ranges from things like 100 gecs type stuff, to calm instrumental kinda things, literally anything with maybe a few exceptions Shark teeth, very sharp, loves making dents in stuff with them

Cat-like claws too (retractable maybe?? why not.. it usually has them out though) Love-hate relationship with snow, they find it weird and kind of icky, but Mono teaches her how to make snow angels, forts and snowmen, and she loves snowball fights (Mono regrets teaching them about those though), plus she adores going back inside and just drinking hot chocolate with Mono and sometimes other friends :]  Mono he/she Tallest of the three, oldest as well  Colorblind He has vitiligo Loves all sorts if arts and crafts, often drags Six into making stuff with him Her hair is very soft, even if it doesn't look like it Very touchy-feely, with others and with objects Knows and respects others boundaries. Six does not He will often push his own boundaries though He’s very protective, usually feels the need to put others safety and health in front of her own A little naive, will protect even if she isn’t getting anything in return from the person(s) Likes skirts! Mono loves to learn about his friends and their personalities, strengths, weaknesses etc. to use for their own benefit! For example, he has a different way to cheer up each friend, and does his best to include them in stuff he thinks they'll also like Loves any happy sounding music the most, but listens to lots of other stuff too (a few songs that remind me of him not lyric-wise but like, sounds like he'd listen to them, are She Wants Me (to be loved), Dancing in my Room, Sunday Best and Sunkissed type stuff, I don’t know music genres so) Favorite drink is probably coffee Loves all sorts of soup!! Has lots of nicknames for Six! Mostly uses kitty and shortcake (it hates them but gets used to them, only from Mono though; some of the other kids use them to get on her nerves, doesn’t end well for them) Love loves bugs! Six likes them too, but isn't as interested as Mono and Runaway (she likes to eat them) Runaway he/they Almost as tall as Mono, noticable difference though He loves chocolate milk and tea Probably the most reasonable out of the three Despite this, he still likes to annoy them (mostly Six) Similarly to Six, he sucks at keeping track of the time Likes goldfish snacks a lot His nomes are always nearby when he is Really likes coloring books and puzzles They love the sound of pianos, not the best at playing it but likes messing with them in his free time with Six (their rare bonding moments) Loves any instruments really, pianos are just his favorite Has the biggest sweet tooth Also loves bugs!! Mono and him are bug buddies His favorite bugs are caterpillars and butterflies, he isn’t a very big fan of spiders though (Mono didn’t used to mind them, but after the hand incidents in the hospital, he finds them icky; too similar) Bonus; RCG  she/they Tallest as well as oldest (again, not oldest by much though) Big sister vibes Super supportive Usually in charge of keeping others in line, doesn’t mind a little chaos here and there though (even if it doesn’t usually end well) Also has a few freckles, not nearly as much as Six Lots of energy that often rubs off on the others when she’s around Probably the most responsible, great with kids younger than her Loves teaching the others how to do stuff, has the longest attention span which makes it easier Very playful and teasing, but still knows and respects boundaries when it comes to that kinda stuff Gets easily stressed out and nervous when she doesn't know what to do, as she feels like she always has to be responsible aaaand thats all 4 now! i might do more characters like comic kids if i get enough ideas but thatll be in the doc if i ever do pleas share with me ur hcs and ideas too!!!! if u wanna i would love 2 see them!!

#six rambles #like i said i update the doc #but prob wont update the post with it #not very often atleast #little nightmares #little nightmares 2 #very little nightmares #vln #headcanons #six #mono #runaway kid #the girl in the yellow raincoat #long post

[starboystation]

HELLO. Updated charliecore (mecore) post <3

Scenecore and kidcore (!!)

Being loudly queer & rad inclus

Handmade kandi and jewelery; friendship bracelets

Warm shades of yellow

Singing along to loud music in the car with the windows down

Cat ear headbands

Toys and plushies

Imaginary friends

Stars and space; shooting stars

Happy stimming; being unashamed of your stimming

Binging cartoons

Staying up late playing comforting video games

Warm soft pillows and blankets

The warm sun on your skin

Oversized band tees

Hugging your friends

Writing mediocre poetry

Gushing about your favorite characters

Recovery and positivity

Always listening to music; earbuds/headphones

Stickers

Colorful gloves

Found family

Musical theater/musicals (especially Newsies. Of course !)

A collection of charliecore pictures :]

(art in the last pic by @/catnippackets !)

#charlie.txt #charliecore #ok to rb

[maybedefinitely404]

Not Your Typical

Genre: college AU, hurt/comfort (kind of?)

Pairings: romantic Demus, Logicality, and Prinxiety

Content: some language, autistic character, sensory overload, mentions of losing friends in the past, anxiety, unintentional self harm, Roman is kind of a jerk but he regrets it, food mentions, unable to eat certain consistencies, beach/water/swimming, Janus being a disaster gay, ASL, selective mutism.

Word count: 6k

Comments: Like always, I don’t intend for these to be so long. Holy cow.

Janus is written based mostly on my experiences as someone with autism, and how it’s affected my childhood/relationships/daily life. No one’s experience is the same.

Janus was always alone. Alone, not lonely. 

Most of the time, that is. 

His whole childhood was an endless cycle of make a friend, weird them out, be alone. Find another friend, weird them out, be alone. And sometimes it hurt, yeah, but he got used to it. At home, he spent the entire day in his room, assembling structures out of legos before tearing them down and starting over. Sometimes he’d build something really cool, and that would stay up for a long time. He didn’t have any siblings, and his parents didn’t give a whoop as long as the floor was generally clear, so no one ever bothered the space ships or towers or just really long lines that stretched from one wall to the other. He liked those. 

Things changed when he got to middle school. Life started getting real, people became more than just recess friends, and that unsettled him. He made a couple close friends, friends that he really opened up to only for them to leave him when he became too much. He just couldn’t help it though; he couldn’t help the way he bounced when he got so excited he couldn’t breathe, or how he couldn’t use words when he got overwhelmed by the touch and the noise, or how he couldn’t stop talking about his favorite shows or books. He was labeled as childish. It was like a label had been stuck to his chest that read “avoid at all costs”, and people did. 

So he relearned how to be alone. He put a lava lamp next to his bed for when he needed something constant to look at, he got a collection of chewy necklaces and stim toys that never left his room. After a lot of research, he convinced his parents to buy him a weighted blanket for when every touch was too light, too agonizingly light, and he needed something firm to ground him. At school, or really around anyone, he learned to control his more obvious stimming and touch sensitivity by staying in oversized sweaters and jeans. He taught himself basic sign language for when he couldn’t talk, even though he knew his parents wouldn’t understand him. They took forever to learn basic signs, for ‘water’ or ‘quiet’ or ‘no’, and both eventually got frustrated and gave up. As if their frustration was anything compared to his. 

It was going great, not perfect but better than before, until he graduated high school. Suddenly he realized he was about to move halfway across the country, to a new environment with new triggers and new people who didn’t understand that he wasn’t frowning because he was pissed, but because smiling when you didn’t understand the reasoning was exhausting. Why do people smile and greet you when they enter the room? Why couldn’t that be more of an… understood thing? I’m here, you’re here now, we both know that, so why bring so much attention to it? For once his parents were kind enough to help him out, taking him to the campus during the summer to get acquainted with the surroundings and learn the map by heart. He talked to the admission’s counselor, explaining his disability and why that meant he couldn’t be on the side of campus near the highway, because the constant noise and common sirens would make him explode. They were eventually able to move him to one of the other buildings, one with apartments instead of dorms, even though that was generally only for third and fourth years. It took a load off his shoulders; less noise, less people. The one thing he couldn’t do was meet his roommates before the year started. 

The school got them into contact, and since he was the last to be assigned to the six person pod, they added him into their pre-established group chat. The other five already had nicknames, ranging from ‘Dad’ to ‘Rat Bastard’, and he immediately felt like an outsider. Not like that was new to him, though. Except, he didn’t stay like that. When one of the group, ‘Nerdy Mcnerd’ on the chat (he’d long forgotten their actual names), asked him what he liked and he immediately sent a list of special interests and hyperfixations, the top being snakes, it was like a door had been opened. Nerdy Mcnerd was a fan of space as well, and the two stayed up until all hours of night on their own chat discussing space and their place in the universe. Rat Bastard had an affinity for what people would categorize as “creepy animals”; octopi and squid, spiders, star-nosed moles, and most importantly, snakes. Their conversations mostly involved dopey pictures of snakes and unintelligible key smashes and emojis. Emo Disaster shared his love of darker themed TV shows, and they started a couple new ones at the same time, constantly updating each other with theories. When he mentioned his major was psychology, Dad was immediately overjoyed to be sharing the major with someone, and offered to help him study for the harder classes. He didn’t hit it off quite so well with Princey, who was put off by Janus’ so called “moodiness” and didn’t trust him. 

When they finally met, it was supposed to be great. Janus knew the environment, somewhat knew his roommates, and was surprisingly excited for the new year. His joy was suddenly vanquished, however, as meeting these people face to face took a turn for the worse. Dad, Patton, immediately tried to go for the hug when he walked into the apartment for the first time, and was slightly taken aback when Janus reared back so hard he hit his head on the wall. The glee disappeared and he apologized profusely, and that’s when Nerdy Mcnerd, Logan walked in, explaining that Patton was very physical. They were over it rather quickly, but Janus shuddered as soon as the other two turned to each other. They had already claimed one of the three rooms for themselves, so Janus chose the one furthest into the apartment. He dropped his suitcases next to one of the two beds with a deep sigh. The thought of a hug… no. It unsettled him greatly, made his skin crawl. Maybe one day, but not now. 

Emo Disaster and Princey, Virgil and Roman, arrived later in the day, hand in hand, bickering animatedly when they walked into the apartment. They were greeted with a huge hug from Patton and a side hug from Logan, and that’s when Janus recalled that they had all been roommates the year prior and again, felt a small tinge of pain. He was still the odd one out. Virgil gave a two finger salute to where Janus was sitting curled up on one of the bar stools, knees pulled to his chest and for the first time, Janus didn’t feel compelled to give a forced smile in greeting. It was a relief. The small nod was all that was needed. Roman however, was a different story. When they happened to make eye contact for the first time, the taller man still standing in the doorway, Janus flinched. Hard. The man’s eyes burned through him, as if scouring through his brain, eyes so full of passion that Janus had to look away. Eye contact was only an issue for him sometimes, but with Roman, it physically hurt. Which only made the theatre major more suspicious of him. As he passed him on the way to get a glass of water, the taller man blurted out, “You’re a first year, why are you in a third year building?”, earning him a gentle smack from Virgil. He answered with a lame shrug and rushed back to his room, conceding to just go to sleep, regretting leaving his drink on the counter. 

No one besides Janus was surprised when the door burst open at three am and a loud voice screamed, “I’M BACK, FUCKERS!” He was frozen in place, woken with such an adrenaline rush that he couldn’t move. Outside, the other four exited their rooms with varying levels of annoyance and delight, greeting the final member of the group. Remus, as Janus heard them proclaim, was his roommate, the only two dwellers not in a relationship. The gremlin burst into the room, a deranged smile on his face, and Janus wanted to cry. Why did he have to be stuck in a room with the loud one? But Remus saw the mismatched eyes poking out from under the blanket and with no hesitation, sunk to the floor next to the bed, still smiling but a million decimals softer. 

“Hey, Snakey. Sorry to scare ya. I’m Remus, but you can still call me Rat Bastard if you want. Call me whatever, I don’t really get offended. You go back to sleep, I’m gonna get settled in. We can talk in the morning.”

Janus wasn’t planning to fall asleep, not with this new person in his room, but Remus was shockingly silent as he unloaded his things (he packed a bunch of garbage bags, not even a suitcase or box), and he couldn’t help the way his eyes slipped shut. 

First semester came to a close, and he was equally delighted and horrified that everyone was staying on campus for break. It had become harder and harder for him to avoid movie nights, or family dinners (as Patton called them), or days they all went into town together. In the beginning, he put it off to being tired. Then, studying for exams. Now with school halted for nearly a month, he was out of excuses. It was getting to the point where he could feel the frustration from his roommates, and he wanted to admit how much he wanted to spend time with them, until his drawer full of secret stim toys and chewy necklaces called him back. At times, he let himself spend time with them. Baked something with Patton, talked about the stars with Logan, sat with Virgil as they studied, and it was good. He never was able to escape Roman’s cynical glares that made him absolutely shudder, but he got on much better with his twin. 

Remus never minded if Janus only greeted him with a raised eyebrow, and he was okay to have more one sided conversations while Janus drew, or after a few weeks, stared unapologetically. Because god, there was so much about Remus that Janus couldn’t help but watch, even if a normal person would get uncomfortable by his wide and unblinking eyes. Luckily, Remus was no ordinary person. But the younger still kept the drawer to himself, only allowing himself to nom on the plastic or squeeze the orbeez filled squishy snake with intense fascination when he was alone. So every time he was with the others and felt the need to stim or infodump or was about to have a stress induced meltdown, he would excuse himself and leave without so much of a goodbye. He couldn’t, not in front of them. Every time he left, he could hear Roman’s quiet remarks about him that stung more than he wanted to admit. 

He’d had so many people leave, people he allowed himself to get close to, only for them to see the side of himself he tried to hide. In his heart, he knew that part of him wasn’t bad. It was just him. Other people didn’t understand that, though. No matter how much he tried to convince himself that no one would judge him, or laugh at him because they weren’t like that, he was scared. The effort was wearing him thin, and it came to the point where he realized he had to tell them. He had to, or he would burst, and that would be way worse.

It was just three little words: I. Am. Autistic. And he’d explain everything, tell them about his stims and limits and how he needed space sometimes and hugs others, and spill everything about himself, and they’d accept him. They’d have to, right? Only, the night he was planning to blurt out the truth, something stopped him. 

They were eating dinner, one of the only ones he’d attended in a while. Patton kept glancing at him from across the table as he picked half heartedly at his lasagna, distracted from the lively conversation between the twins and Virgil. The whole thing was speckled with bite sized pieces of mushrooms and zucchini, two of the foods that he couldn’t eat to save his life. The texture made him want to recoil into himself and scream and yank at his hair, and he’d learned early in life that that wasn’t a normal response to food. He wanted to explain to Patton that it wasn’t the meal itself he was avoiding, that it wasn’t Patton’s cooking that he didn’t like, it was just the texture of those two things. 

Well, maybe that was a good gateway into his big announcement, if you could even call it that. It felt almost as scary as his coming out to his parents had been. If they didn’t take this well, he might be exiled from the group. If they tried to put up with them, they’d get irritated so quickly and slowly freeze him out. He really didn’t want that. It needed to happen though, he realized. How much worse would it be if one of them walked in on him having a meltdown, holding a pillow over his mouth to block his screams, biting almost animalistically on a necklace? How unsettled would they be if they saw him hitting his blanket pile out of repulsion of the feeling of his textbook pages? Better to warn them ahead of time. It was only luck that had gotten him this far.

Just as he opened his mouth to speak, Logan hit the table with the heel of his hand and let out an almost guttural scream before storming into his and Patton’s room, slamming the door behind him. Janus nearly fell backwards off his chair, matching Virgil’s surprised expression. Roman went silent, wincing slightly.

“What…” It was the first word he’d said the entire meal. Patton whipped his head towards him as if he’d forgotten he was there, a sudden sympathetic look on his face. He gave a weak smile.

“Sorry about that, kiddo. Logan has autism, sometimes he can’t handle the stimulus around him. Or maybe he just had a rougher day than I thought. I’ll check on him after dinner, give him some alone time.”

Logan has autism.

Logan has autism. 

Oh my god.

It was like everything clicked into place. His passionate talk about topics he was interested in that could rival Janus’ (if he would ever let himself infodump like he wanted). His mannerisms, his occasional emotional outbursts, his rigorous unbreakable schedule, it all made sense. For a brief second, Janus was elated. Someone like him, someone who understood! And if they accepted Logan, maybe they would be able to understand him, even if they presented different areas of the spectrum. 

But… how would that look? Janus had hidden away his neurodivergent traits for so long, repressed them until he felt like he would literally explode… what if they thought he was faking it? It’s not like they knew him well, not with the amount of time he avoided being around them. They might think he was lying to get attention, didn’t want to be left out. Wanted to be special.

Patton seemed to be waiting for a response, he noted. He gave a curt nod, hoping it displayed that he was unbothered by Logan’s disability, before giving a stupid excuse about some reading to finish over break and darting back to his room. Remus joined him later, saying nothing about the fact that Janus was huddled under his weighted blanket, no book in sight. He sat down in front of the bed, a common habit of his now, and began to quietly talk about some new dark fantasy story he was designing, his lilting voice soothing Janus to sleep.

Time passed, winter came and went, and the end of second semester was drawing near. Janus was still careful with the way he presented to the others. They had picked up that he didn’t like physical contact, and though they never said a word about it, Patton’s lasagna recipe shifted, kept changing, until it no longer included mushrooms and zucchini. Janus refused to believe it was for his sake, though. He tried to join them for a couple movie nights, but the constant fear of stimming made his anxiety spike, therefore finding the need to stim more compelling, until he had to leave. It was getting harder, however, now that it was that pleasant in-between time where he understood how his new profs worked but it wasn’t exam season yet. His excuses were dwindling. Like always, Roman made his stupid quips that hurt him more than was probably intended, and he’d finally had enough. 

Maybe that’s why he was staring out at the open lake in front of him, hands playing absentmindedly with the hem of his shirt as Patton and Remus squealed, sprinting into the water without a second thought. One of their shirts had landed on Janus’ sandaled foot, and he quickly kicked it off as the light touch began to irritate him. Logan stood to his side, watching his boyfriend with an almost imperceivable smile. 

“You guys could have helped carry stuff if you were just going to stand there!” Roman’s indignant voice carried over the lawn, muffled slightly by the pile of towels he was carrying. Virgil snorted, whether in agreement or at Princey’s expense, Janus didn’t know. Either way, he dumped his handful of lawn chairs unceremoniously onto the lawn at their feet. 

“You two set these up then. I’m hot, I’m going swimming.”

“Damn right, you are,” Roman grinned. Virgil raised an eyebrow.

“Damn right I’m hot, or I’m going swimming?”

“Yes.” He didn’t give any of them a second to retort, scooping up a shrieking Virgil before sprinting them both into the water. 

“They didn’t even take their shirts off,” Logan commented, picking up a chair from the pile and unfolding it. Janus quickly joined in, helping him set the four chairs into a line and placing the towels down in front of them. “Did you want to go swimming?”

Admittedly, Janus hadn’t actually gone swimming, much less to the beach, since he was a kid. He was lucky to have even found a swimsuit amongst his other barely worn clothing; how it had snuck into his suitcase, he didn’t know. The water looked inviting and it was hot, but right now he was exhausted from the long ride over in Remus’ truck, having to refrain from plugging his ear when it got too loud or maintain his breathing carefully when a leg touched his.

“Maybe in a bit. I’m kind of tired.”

Logan turned to look at him, dare he say scrutinizingly? He washed the expression away quickly, asking, “Would you like me to stay with you?”

“No, it’s okay,” Janus mumbled, “You go have fun. I’ll be fine, I like the quiet.” As if to punctuate his point, a child screamed from the playground, making them both flinch.

“Are you positive?”

“Yes. Go enjoy yourself, Logan.”

He nodded curtly, pulling his shirt over his head in one fluent motion and walking towards the waves professionally, as if he were walking towards a lecture. Patton cheered from the water.

Janus didn’t concern himself with the time as it passed, instead letting his mind wander while he focused on a line of ants that were crawling up a tree next to him. It wasn’t until a fast approaching form caught his attention did he tear his eyes away, hearing him give a shout of “Be right back!”.

Remus plopped himself onto the towel next to him, still panting from the run, but grinning from ear to ear. As he ripped open a water bottle and drank greedily, Janus couldn’t help but stare. Water glistened on his skin like jewels in the afternoon sun, plastering his hair down over his jaw and eyes. His eyelashes were barely fluttering against his cheekbones as he guzzled nearly half of the bottle, his adam’s apple bobbing with each swallow. The jut of his shoulder, almost touching his throat, taking his weight as he leaned back on his arm… the whole thing was fascinating. People interested Janus as a whole; the way they functioned, how they seamlessly picked up on little cues from others that Janus was still in the process of figuring out, even down to intricate biology of cells was incredibly captivating. But Remus was so much more than that. His voice when he spoke him to sleep, never mentioning it the next day, the way his dark eyes glimmered with hope when Janus agreed to eat with them, the twitch of his moustache as he covered a laugh at Patton’s corny jokes. 

He was art, plain and simple. 

Janus didn’t know if what he felt was romantic attraction. It sure felt like it, except it had never felt quite like this before. It wasn’t that he was asexual or anything, he was actually decently far from it. It was just how uncomfortable most physical contact made him that gave him the idea he might never have a partner in the way that he wanted. He wanted to hold hands, to cuddle, to kiss… but at the same time, he didn’t. That is, he didn’t know how he’d handle it. Sure, he’d had crushes in the past, cute boys from his classes or celebrities in the shows he hyperfixated on, and still the feeling of uncertainty had stayed. With Remus, something was different though. Never before had a crush ever felt so breath stealing, chest clenching, awe inspiring-

“Like what you see?” 

Janus flinched, realizing Remus had finished drinking and was beaming at him with that stupid gorgeous gleam in his eyes. He looked at his lap immediately, feeling his face heat up. 

“Sorry.” 

“Not a problem,” Remus smirked, having the audacity to wink at him before standing up. “I’m going back in. Coming?” He reached out his hand, hopeful. Janus took a breath, acknowledging that this was his first time initiating contact since he’d arrived, and grabbed Remus’ hand. The surprise on the other’s face was almost enough to make him laugh. He pulled the younger to his feet, keeping a firm hold in Janus’ hand. And… that was okay. 

Until it wasn’t. 

The second his feet touched the sand, it was like alarm bells exploded behind his eyes. He couldn’t describe it, but it felt wrong. It gave in too much, light sprinkles of sand covered the top of his feet and instantly every nerve was on high alert. He ripped his hand from Remus’, stumbling backwards onto the grass again. The elder spun to him with concern.

“Snakey? What happened?”

“I- hmm, no. I can’t. Nope. No no no. Wrong. It… hmmmm. Can’t.” The last word dragged out as his brain seemed to disconnect from his mouth. His mind didn’t work, so focused on how every blade of grass was swiping along his soles too softly, too gentle, too much. His hands had curled into fists and he was fighting against everything inside him to scream bloody murder, because oh god the wind was brushing the hair onto the back of his neck and it tickled and make it stop make it stop!

Janus could vaguely hear someone shout, and the loudness floored him. Get away, get away, it’s too much it’s too much. The feeling of the grass was gone, and he was sitting on his beach towel, but the wind was still brushing his hair too much, so he grabbed at it uselessly, begging it to stop, stop, stop. 

“What’s happening?” Roman.

“Is he okay?” Patton.

“Does he look okay?” Virgil.

“Janus, breathe. You’re safe.” Logan.

 Yeah, he knew that. He knew, objectively, that the wind isn’t out to get him and grass doesn’t hurt and sand isn’t supposed to fry your nerves. That didn’t change the fact that it did for him. Somewhere in the back of his mind, it connected that they were seeing him have a meltdown, finally. But he couldn’t focus on that, not when someone was touching his arm why are they touching my arm LET GO! 

He screamed now, he couldn’t hold it back anymore. His breaths were ragged and gaspy, hands ripping at his hair to try and stop the fluttering strands. Then there was a new sound, an engine, a boat, and with it came the deep bass of some terrible music and there were people shouting and his head was hurting, why was it hurting so bad?! New hands grabbed his wrists and he writhed, pulling back from the grip that was pulling his fists away from where they’d been hitting his skull, over and over, trying to just get his stupid brain to work. Come back to the present, ground yourself, do SOMETHING!

And then something was in his hands. 

His eyes peeled open (when had he shut them?) and he saw the dark blue stress ball, almost crushed between his fingers. The hands were gone from his wrist, and he took a deep breath, relaxing his hand and watching the slime filled toy slowly return to its natural shape. It was just like one from his drawer, the first stim toy he’d ever gotten. Familiarity. He kneaded it under his fingers, enjoying the comforting texture, the color soothing to his sensitive eyes. Bit by bit he felt himself relax, still holding the toy inches from his face between stiff hands, letting his legs unfurl. Without thinking, he raised a shaking hand to his chin and did the sign for ‘water’, and immediately regretted it. It was just such a habit around his parents, the only other people who had seen him break down to this extent, how could he be so-

He flinched as a water bottle was pressed into his raised hand, the lid already taken off. The water was so good, settling his senses and grounding him, like he’d been in hyperfocus before and it was dulled now. He gave the stress ball another squeeze, captivated by the way the slime moved, not even flinching as someone snapped in front of him.

Looking up for the first time, his first instinct was to crawl into a hole and die. Logan was sitting in front of him, slowly putting the cap back on his water bottle before handing it back to Patton, who was standing just behind him. Roman and Virgil had begun packing the chairs and bags agonizingly slowly and quietly. Impressive; they were almost done and he hadn’t noticed until now. He turned to his left and his heart completely shattered. Remus was sitting statue still, a few feet away, with a look of pure fear in his eyes. He sat on the edge of his knees, like he wanted to pounce forward and hug him but was holding himself back. He appreciated that. 

Logan snapped again and Janus turned back.

‘Better?’ He signed slowly. 

‘You know sign?’ Janus responded weakly, confused. 

‘Patton too. I go nonverbal as well. Are you okay?’

The younger nodded, returning his hands to the stim toy on his lap. ‘Yours?’

‘Yes.’

“Is he okay?” Remus whispered suddenly, drawing their attention. He looked so scared, like anything could break Janus and he was scared he would cause it. Oh. Did he think he caused this?

‘Not his fault.’

Logan looked between the two, a look of confusion settling in his face. “What?”

‘Not. His. Fault.’ He signed sharply, a frustrated hum emitting from the back of his throat. ‘Not his fault!’

“Remus, he’s saying it’s not your fault. What does that mean?”

“I- I took his hand, and then this happened…” Remus started, leaning back onto his feet ashamedly, “If that wasn’t the cause, what was?” 

‘Sand.’

Logan’s eyes filled with understanding, and he responded, ‘Sand?’ as if to double check that he got the right sign. Janus nodded again, slightly thankful for the mute state he was in. He wouldn’t be able to explain this as well as Logan would. 

“If I’m understanding right, then my first assumptions were correct. Janus, did you just experience a sensory overload?”

Janus could only nod, meeting his eyes shakily. This is the moment. Now is his segway. If Logan wasn’t already suspicious, he surely was now. And he’d rather not have to explain, or come up with some half assed excuse if he was confronted later on why sinking his foot into sand had made him break. 

 ‘I’m autistic.’ He fingerspelled it, not knowing what the sign was, or if there even was one. There was a beat of silence, the twins and Virgil exchanging puzzled looks, and Janus couldn’t even bear to look at the two people who would have understood. All his fears came rushing back. Would they think he was lying, or seeking attention, or or or-

“Oh, sweetie,” Patton crooned, sitting cross legged beside Logan, “We thought maybe… well, the possibility came up in conversation before. Lo was the one who brought it up.”

“Yes. Though our experiences differ, you seemed to exhibit symptoms that are common to the ASD spectrum. I thought it feasible, but did not wish to offend or frighten you by mentioning it.”

“We thought that if you were autistic, it would be yours to tell us,” Patton smiled softly. 

“Wait,” Remus interrupted, “Janus, you have autism?”

Janus’ nervous glance up must have been enough to clue the rest of the group in, because Roman sighed and ducked his head into Virgil’s shoulder while Logan messily signed something which roughly translated to ‘how dense can someone be’. Jan couldn’t tell if it was a joke or not, but he cracked a smile anyways.

“Shit. Dude, I’m so sorry,” Roman murmured into Virgil’s shirt, “All the times I made fun of you for not joining us or anything, that was way out of line. I truly apologize.”

The youngest gave him the worldwide gesture for ‘it’s okay’; not exactly ASL, but it got his point across. Everything was packed up now, and Janus realized the implications.

‘Home?’ He asked Logan, eyebrows scrunched together.

‘Yes. You need to rest.’ He was right, he was exhausted. Getting to his feet along with Patton and Logan, he reached down to grab his towel, only for it to be promptly swooped up by Roman.

“I… I got it. Don’t worry about it. Okay?”

As soon as Roman turned his back, Janus couldn’t help his heavy sigh. This was another reason he had refrained from telling anyone. He didn’t want to be seen as a burden, or worse, a child. He didn’t need help with menial tasks like grabbing a towel. Virgil and him lifted all the belongings again, with less complaining this time, and began the short trek to the truck.

‘He’s not babying you,’ Logan signed, as if reading his mind, ‘He’s just guilty. If you want my advice, get as much out of it as you can.’

“Logan!” Patton chastised, failing miserably at hiding a smirk.                            

“Guys?” Remus’ uncharacteristically timid voice prompted them to turn back, “Could I talk to Janus for a sec?”

“You understand he is unable to speak at the moment, correct?” Logan raised an eyebrow, probably coming off more harsh than he meant to. 

“I know. Just… please?”

The other two shared a knowing look that Janus didn’t understand, before Logan turned to Janus. “Is that okay?”

The youngest nodded, watching over his shoulder as the lovebirds joined hands, leaving him and Remus alone. When he met his eyes again, he was standing much closer, eyes searching nervously.

“Maybe this will actually be easier since you can’t talk,” he laughed, before his face fell dramatically, “Fuck, that’s not what I meant. I’m such an idiot, I didn’t mean-”

Janus held up a hand quickly, as if to say ‘it’s fine, settle down’, holding back a snicker. He’d understand if someone was upset by the comment, but he’d learn to take Remus’ jokes lightly. He never meant to actually offend, sometimes he just… blurted without intending to. He rolled his finger in a ‘keep going’ motion.

“Shit. Okay,” He’d never seen Remus blush, or stumble over his words before. Not like this, at least, “Now, don’t feel obligated to say you feel the same or anything, okay? This is just, my feelings, and mine alone,” A deep breath, “I like you, Snakey. I like you a lot. More than… more than a friend.”

Oh.

Oh.

Janus was ninety percent sure he died right then and there. But Remus kept going, tripping over his words in a way that was so unlike him, and yet so perfect.

“I have for a while. I never said anything because I thought, maybe you disliked me? After today though, I think… well, maybe I was misinterpreting those signals. Like I misinterpreted today. That you didn’t want to be around me, no matter how hard I tried.”

Okay, Janus took it back. He wanted to be able to talk now, but his voice came out as another low hum, and he slapped his hand over his mouth, embarrassed. Remus pressed on, unfazed. 

“Snakey, I swear to you, that you having autism doesn’t change those feelings at all. It’s not a bad thing, or a flaw, it’s just you. And everything about you is amazing, and perfect, and this is just another thing I get to learn about you. Any fears you had around telling us, telling me, you don’t need to have them.”

He’d never felt this kind of feeling before. In that second, he knew for a fact that this wasn’t a crush that he had on Remus. That wasn’t possible, because a crush had never made him want to break his social barriers like this. A crush had never made him want to make an exception, to stand on his tip toes and kiss him, even if the thought of a new touch usually caused goosebumps to rise on his arms. Because he felt so safe, so blissfully numb, so comfortable with Remus, that he’d be willing to give it a try.

This wasn’t a crush. This was-

“I love you,” Remus whispered, his statement accompanied by a large shaky breath.

He couldn’t say it back, not right now. Later, he would. For sure. Maybe a hundred times. So he did what he’d never thought possible and took that step forward, breaking his bubble that he’d always thought to be unbreakable. 

It’s okay. You’re okay. This is okay. 

For once, he actually believed it.

Janus reached a hand up, slowly, and rested it on Remus’ face. It wasn’t light, he couldn’t do half touches. It was solid, warm, real. Not a tickling touch that made him twitch, or a brush by that stole the very breath from his lungs. The positive response affirmed his will power, and he leaned up onto his tip toes. Remus looked absolutely stunned, but he didn’t pull away, he couldn’t if he tried. His breath caught in his throat as the elder glanced down, an unmistakable look to his lips.

Had Remus always had those green flecks in his eyes?

And he kissed him. Janus surged forward, pressing their lips together harsher than he’s intended, pulling a small gasp out of Remus. There was a whoop from the vague direction of where they’d parked, followed by a loud smack, and Janus couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips.

Remus’ hands were clasped at his chest, unmoving, probably afraid that if he touched Janus wrong, this would all be over. He’d have to explain half touches later. For now, he took one of his hands in his free one and guided it around, pushing it into the small of his back until Remus got the message to keep that pressure. He let out a small sigh through his nose, an action that sent a new round of butterflies exploding in the younger’s stomach.

This is okay. 

This is all going to be okay.

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