I once read a soulmate AU for a different fandom where the way the connection eventually manifested was that whatever someone wrote or drew on their own skin, it would transfer to their soulmate’s. And I was thinking of the applications of it for Rimster given that time Rimmer resorted to scrawling revision notes on his arms and legs.
Like, Lister’s probably used to occasionally seeing some exam notes and other things pop up on his skin from time to time given how often Rimmer takes exams but usually it’s been within relatively normal boundaries. He’s not gonna judge.
He doesn’t know much about the person on the other end of their inked connection but he hopes with all the tests they seem to take that they’re doing well. Sometimes he’ll even scrawl a little ‘good luck!’ on himself as a kind of encouragement to them.
The very first time something like this happens, Rimmer freaks out. Because oh holy smeg he has a soulmate! There’s someone out there for him! A real honest to god person!! Meant for him!!
All the years of his brothers teasing him, acting like the universe would just skip bothering to assign him one, are washed away to be replaced by an initially heart-bursting glow of elation, but it’s followed swiftly by a deep-seated dread. Because oh god anything he writes on himself will be seen by this other person. What if he smegs the whole thing up!? He’s already caught their attention with his revision scrawlings, he’s going to have to tone it down to something that won’t be off-putting…
Fast forward and Lister has joined the Red Dwarf crew and it’s like any other day. He’s left his annoying bunkmate to stew in pre-exam nerves and he’s out and about on the ship, maybe trying to flirt with some of the lady officers when suddenly he notices his hand rapidly becoming covered in words, scrawled in a panicked frenzy, first across his palm, then the back of his hand and down onto the forearm. And yeah, sure, this has happened before, it’s no big deal. Except this is the most chaotic it’s ever been, especially since it’s now trailing right up his arm and if he doesn’t get out of public view people are going to notice.
So he runs back to the bunk room, hoping to grab a jacket or something to cover it up but he freezes as soon as he’s half-pulled it on because he spots Rimmer. Smeghead Supreme, Arnold Judas Rimmer, sitting with a textbook on his lap and his shirt sleeve rolled up, utterly engrossed in his pre-exam stress-induced frenzy of copying as much of the text from the book onto his own skin as possible.
The realisation hits like a truck and Lister cannot believe it. He refuses to. It’s gotta be a coincidence. Rimmer wouldn’t be the only person in the universe cramming for an exam, surely! Just because he is doesn’t mean what he’s writing is the same as what’s still being hurriedly scrawled up the inside of his left arm. The universe wouldn’t play that cruel a trick on him! Surely!
Rimmer hasn’t even noticed him come in and he’s muttering out loud each word as he copies it out from the book and Lister can only watch in horror as he sees the exact same words blossom across his own skin and oh this CANNOT be happening!!
So now you have Lister knowing that the universe has somehow, bizarrely, chosen to pair him up with Rimmer, and Rimmer blissfully unaware of the fact that the soulmate he’s yearned for his whole life is the lazy gimboid who just interrupted his revision by tossing an unwashed shirt at his head.
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EXCITING DEVELOPMENTS IN THE BATIM CTHULHU GAME!! yes, yes, whatever’s going on with henry, but ALSO: Sammy panic-murdered a cultist with a chair!! It’s important to me that you know he’s been suffering from a crippling fear of things transforming ever since he first ran into these weird constructs of yellow ink that LOOK human, so the instant he saw yellow claws on this guy, he was taking a disadvantage on ALL his rolls (roll twice, and use the worst roll) and it’s a miracle he got this hit at all, much less that it did almost max damage. SAMMY WAS FULL OF ADRENALINE
The hard line between Sammy and Prophet has been blurring more and more, and a weird thing has been happening lately where, whenever Sammy Absolutely Cannot Handle what’s going on, he sort of subconsciously calls out Prophet instead, meaning that last session Prophet was kind of in-and-out every time something horrific happened -- and when Henry went weird, Prophet just decided he should be handling this instead of Sammy. It’s fine!! I’m sure all the non-JDS folks we’re travelling with right now won’t notice a thing.
(last session was A LOT OF COMBAT but i have sneaked a couple of out-of-context quotes out for u under the cut if u desire)
[Sammy is played by me, Joey is played by Boo (inkyvendingmachine), Henry is played by Maf (inkcryptid), Jack is played by Mochi (whatyouwantedmetosee) and Thren (haunted-hijinxer) is our GM!]
[GM] And Jack has charmed a security guard into being on their side--
[Jack] New boyfriend acquired!
[Sammy] Jack, please,
[Henry] He can’t be stopped!
[Jack] We thought that his F was “Freeze” but his F is actually “Flirt”
[Sammy] I already rolled to see if he would notice, like, ALL OF THE SPOTLIGHTS MOVING, and he did not, so,
[GM] Just more annoying party stuff, like parties do…
[Sammy] Yeah, annoying party stuff, like getting grabbed, and gunshots!
[Joey] Grant just takes constant sanity damage from Joey’s spending.
[Jack] Joey’s spending is an eldritch horror. Technically Joey is eldritch now!
[GM] *thoughtfully* that’s... reasonable……..
[GM] He kicks Jack, and Jack takes two damage!
[Jack] Oh boy! That’s like falling over a fence, twice!!
[Henry] I think what Henry is going to focus on right now, is getting the girls they have to safety, and THEN running back, and… hopefully the others aren’t kidnapped yet!
[Sammy] A bird in the hand is worth two… in the, getting kidnapped by musicians.
[Jack] That’s definitely how I remember that going.
[Henry] I rolled a one. This better be important!
[Joey] (Henry notices a corndog stand!)
[Sammy] Steer clear of this very determined-looking lady, and get to the car.
[Joey] Once you’re within the car, feel free to steer towards!
[Sammy] …Joey, are you encouraging vehicular manslaughter?
[Joey] Whaaaat, no!
[GM] He hears Bertrum Piedmont’s fairly loud voi– er, The Great Bertrum Piedmont, excuse me,
[GM] *looking through the rules* The “Improvised Weapons” section starts, “All sorts of items can be used to inflict physical harm! Even a gramophone–” what, no!
[Joey] What an example to choose,
[Jack] To be fair, throwing that probably would inflict physical pain on Sammy.
[GM] I think Security Guy’s just, standing stunned at this point; he also saw a guy smooshed with a chair, and is out of immediate things to do so, he’s just….. he’s just chilling.
[Sammy] He needs a sec.
[Henry] He’s just vibing.
[Sammy] Like, this guy – presumably, if he didn’t already know that these guys were whatever they are – then he is at this point having to rewrite his entire worldview to contain whatever this is.
[GM] He stabbed a puddle person, apparently…
[Sammy] Yeah, yeah, he stabbed a guy who had claws, and then that guy got hit really hard, and exploded into a puddle of goo. And I just don’t have room for that, in my current view of the world, so it makes sense to me.
[Joey] Sillytime Pete!
[GM] No… Sillytime Pete is just passed out Pete.
[Henry] Sleepytime Pete!
[Henry] That’s -11 sanity!!
[Jack] Henry’s been saving up all his sanity loss for this moment.
[Sammy] If he loses one more, he’s going to get an indefinite insanity–
[Henry] Oh, don’t worry about that. :)
*Henry chooses to maintain the spell*
[GM] It’s just a d3 sanity and a magic point this time! It’s fine!
[Sammy] Oh! Oh you just kinda leak that as you continue it, cool, cool,,,
[Henry] Where is my sanity…
[Jack] Voice of every BatIM,
[Henry] Whoa, hey, calm down. It’s alright.
[Joey] You don’t look alright!
[Henry] No? Henry’s just going to kinda look down at his hand and go, Oh. Must be aftermath. It’s a spell I picked up from Moonlight’s journal.
[Joey] THIS DOES NOT COMFORT JOEY.
[Joey] Joey’s going to grab onto him, in a very possessive hug.
[GM] Bendy’s helping!
[Sammy] I don’t think you have to bribe Wally to get him to go home.
[Jack] I think it might be quicker though…
[Jack] If you put cake in his face, he can’t talk to you!
[GM] Nichole’s also saying she ought to go, since this is her fault, and she wants to make it right–
[Joey] *interrupting* ABSOLUTELY not.
[GM] Okay, roll a–
[Joey] oh gosh,,,
[GM] –Dexterity Check.
[Sammy] DexTERITY?
[Joey] DEXTERITY????
[GM] You have the option to try to convince her… before she starts talking.
[Henry] He got the spell from Moonlight’s journal – yes he knows, he shouldn’t have done that, but he wanted an offensive spell!
[Joey] Aw man, did he ever get an offensive spell – right to Joey! Joey’s SO offended right now!
[Sammy] The MOST offensive spell: one from Moonlight!!
[Jack] *explaining Prophet* He would probably summarise it as, “it’s a long story,” and, “.....magic stuff???”
[Sammy] Look Joey, Sammy’s being suspicious of you! It’s just like old times!
[Joey] One step closer to the slow burn~
[Jack] Which of the people is the doctor, again?
[GM] Leon.
[Sammy] You just have to picture a lion with a stethoscope, and now you’ll remember it.
[Henry] Leon is a furry: confirmed.
[Jack] *sonic fandub voice* Whoa, he’s a furry, I didn’t know that!
[Jack] So this is the boyfriend car, huh?
[GM] I mean, everybody on this list is a boyfriend except Henry, and that’s only because he’s already married,
[Henry] A boyfriend car, and their chaperone!
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