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fireofjudgement · 1 year

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New Territory (Part 1)

Requested here

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Fandom: High&Low

Pairing: Murayama x f!reader

Summary: You and Murayama have been friends for years, and you knew him better than anyone else. So, when the both of you started a relationship, you expected everything, but for him to disappear for over a month only to come back with a shocking announcement.

Word count: 3073

Warnings: f!reader, established relationship, friends to lovers, swearing, mentions of masturbation (f), mentions of sex but no actual smut in this chapter, mentions of cheating and breaking up, their relationship is..complicated

A/N: I initially wanted this request to be short and sweet, but my brain came up with this whole story, so here we are. To whoever requested it, I still hope you enjoy it!

"You know..You could just break up with him..Have you even considered that option?"

Taken aback by your friend's blunt answer, you paused what you were doing, putting the glass you were holding back on the counter. This was not the conversation you were hoping to have when you called them to ask for advice on your relationship with Murayama.

"And why would I ever do that? Which part of 'I think I'm in love with this man' did you not understand?"

"Y/n, are you serious? Oh, you are? Alright then, let's see. How about the part where he hasn't called you in a week? Or the part where you still haven't been to his apartment despite dating for over 3 months now, and being friends for literal years?"

You couldn't help but sigh at their sarcastic, yet not completely unreasonable answer. You wanted to say something, tell them that they're wrong, or that they don't understand but..the sad reality was that you didn't even know where you were currently standing with Murayama. Hell, you didn't even know if the two of you were still together. Overwhelmed by it all, you chose the cowardly way out and told your friend that your boyfriend hasn't contacted you for a little over a week, but it has been almost three now. No calls, no messages, no dates. No 'good morning' and 'good night' texts. If it wasn't for the pictures you still had on your phone, you would almost believe that it was all a dream, and that the two of you have never really been together.

"He probably has his reasons.." was all you decided to say. The tone of your voice betrayed you, it was easy to tell you couldn't even manage to convince yourself.

"Oh, I'm sure of that! And probably not just one, but a whole bunch! All of them have his last name, one of them maybe even has a ring on their finger matching his. He-"

"Hey, I hate to interrupt you, but I have to go. Thanks for all the great advice and support.." You quickly ended the call, unable and unwilling to listen to your friend's accusations. You weren't stupid, you knew Murayama's behavior was concerning and you knew that you deserved respect, especially from a partner. But you also knew the world wasn't black and white. Life wasn't. People had their flaws, their problems, and different ways to deal with them. Murayama has never let you down before - not during your friendship, not during your 'what are we' phase and not during your, admittedly still new, relationship. Whatever was happening, you would let him explain the situation and listen to what he had to say, before forming an opinion and making any decisions.

But that would be a difficult task with him not picking up the phone, or texting you back. As much as you wanted to give him a chance, you couldn't do that if he didn't ask for one. It's been almost a month now since you've last seen him and, with how secretive and reserved he's acted, you doubted that would change anytime soon. Maybe your friend was right, maybe you were naive. Maybe he was just playing you - a pleasant distraction from a mundane everyday life, maybe from a failing marriage, or unwanted parenthood. Or all of the above. There was no way for you to tell until he contacted you again.

Determined to give him the benefit of the doubt, but unwilling to just sit around and put your life on hold while waiting for him to reach out, you decided to put your phone down, stop stressing about the situation and enjoy yourself. Life was already chaotic and messy enough, you didn't need another failed relationship added to the mix. And so, between one meeting and another, between hanging out with friends you haven't seen in a while, and visiting places in your city you've always wanted to visit but never had the time, money or excuse to go to - you finally managed to find some peace. You didn't forget about Murayama of course, even though he most likely forgot about you, or so it seemed at least, but your life stopped revolving around him. You finally felt in control of your own fate again.

But with this newfound peace, new energy, came a bittersweet realization - you were alone in this relationship. If you could even still call it that. For the whole time you were trying to clear your mind and find yourself again, you had to put in effort and actively choose to not think about him every single day, every passing minute. It was hard and it took you a while, all while he just didn't seem to care at all, abandoning you with such ease. Maybe your gut feeling was right, maybe something did happen to him, but now you were less willing to continue justifying his behavior. Afterall, something might have happened to you too, you could need his help, his support. And he simply wasn't there.

Still torn but getting progressively annoyed with the man's way of treating you, you finally decided to rip off the bandaid and say goodbye to a beautiful friendship, a rocky relationship, and a man you'd never thought would reciprocate your feelings in the first place. And maybe you were right. But this wasn't the time for nostalgia, you knew that if you didn't act now you'd probably back out, so you quickly took out your phone and started typing out the message, trying to hold back the tears that were already threatening to escape, and give away how insecure you actually were about the decision you just made.

Finally done, you turned off your phone and left it on the nightstand by your bed. He wasn't going to answer anyway, you told yourself, so there's no point in waiting for it. Instead, you decided to take a nice, long and relaxing bath, put on some nice clothes and go out. Treat yourself. Celebrate being single again, even if deep down you knew it wasn't by choice, as much as you were trying to convince yourself otherwise. But a little play pretend wouldn't hurt, you'd go back to reality tomorrow. Today was all about you.

However, not even half an hour later your mind already started to betray you, promptly followed by your body. Laying in the bathtub, letting the warm water embrace you, you couldn't help but wonder why your..ex.. has never allowed for the two of you to go any further than just making out, fully clothed and preferably without touching each other's bodies. It never worried you while you were still together, you were actually quite happy to finally have met a gentleman, someone who didn't only care about the size of your tits, and what kind of underwear you were wearing that day, if any. He never treated you like an object, never acted in a creepy or perverted way, never tried to push you out of your comfort zone..For some reason you couldn't shake off the feeling that it was all just a facade.

But it just didn't make sense, no matter how you looked at it. If he had another partner or even a spouse and was seeing you on the side, then he was already cheating on them. Why not go all the way? And if he found someone else after the two of you got together, how could he know they were a better match if he's never even had sex with you in the first place? Besides, you were almost a hundred percent sure that if he wanted to date someone just as a side piece, he wouldn't choose you. The two of you went all the way back, your friendship lasting longer than any of your previous relationships. You knew him better than he knew himself. It just didn't make sense, and no matter how much you tried to deny it or distract yourself, it was killing you to not know his true motives.

Along with those thoughts came different, more..carnal ones. Ever since you realized your feelings for Murayama were more than just friendly, you wondered what kind of lover he'd be, if the two of you ever became an item. Would he be gentle - slow and sensual but still passionate, cherishing every moment spent together? Or would his hands and lips attack your body the moment you'd come back from work, dragging you to the bedroom before you'd even have the chance to protest, and not letting you out until the break of dawn? Just imagining what he'd do to you, what he was capable of, caused your hand to slip between your legs, skilled fingers quickly setting a pace that would send you over the edge in no time if you didn't stop yourself.

It was with a long sigh and slight hesitation that you withdrew your hand, somewhat ashamed of your immature thoughts and actions. Murayama wasn't your boyfriend anymore, as far as you were concerned he wasn't your friend either, so you shouldn't waste your time and energy on him and some absurd fantasies. In fact, you should get out of the bathroom and start getting ready, if you still wanted to get into a decent restaurant or club. The more time passed, the more certain you were that staying home alone tonight wasn't a good idea. Not in this state, not with these thoughts roaming your mind and affecting your body.

After leaving the bathroom and putting on your favorite outfit, you decided to pick a place to spend the night and call an Uber. That's when you realized, you can't really do that without your phone. With a sigh of defeat, you grabbed the device and turned it back on, the cheery music more than inappropriate, considering your current mood. After more than an hour, you were expecting some new notifications, maybe a couple texts. You most certainly weren't expecting 13 missed calls and 41 unopened messages, all of which coming from the same number. Murayama.

A wave of anxiety hit you all of a sudden, your brain struggling to process the fact that your..ex? boyfriend? just reached out to you after over a month of no contact. Reading through his messages sent you on an emotional roller-coaster, going from confusion to anger to sadness and despair, basically begging for you to give him another chance, begging you to hear him out. A thousand different thoughts, different questions and emotions attacked your brain all at once. You felt yourself spiral. It just wasn't fair. How many times have you tried to contact him, begging for him to come see you? And how long have you then spent on accepting he wouldn't, trying to move on, only for him to suddenly come back? It was too late to come back now.

But, as much as you despised how he acted towards you, especially after being friends for years, you still loved the man, you really did. And you wanted to know what, or who, was so important that he couldn't even send you a single message for a whole month. So, against your better judgment, you texted him back and agreed to meet him, but it had to be today, it had to be now or you'd be gone from his life forever. Even through text your tone didn't leave much room for arguing. Murayama had to notice it too, because he agreed to your conditions without hesitation.

Twenty minutes later, and five minutes late to your meeting, you arrived at the restaurant he picked. Nothing too fancy, a cozy little establishment, not too crowded, so the two of you could have some much needed privacy. Not knowing what to expect, you tried to prepare yourself for every possible outcome during your ride, from meeting Murayama's secret wife and children, to learning that your entire relationship was just the topic of a bet with his buddies from Oya. No matter what it was, you were determined to not show any emotions, just hear him out, say your peace and leave.

But your facade quickly crumbled when you saw him at the table, staring you down in excitement, a big smile on his handsome face. You were once again reminded why you fell in love with him in the first place, but the memories were rather bittersweet, tainted by the pain he's caused you. The whole situation was awkward to say the least - you wanted to hug him, kiss him but also yell in his face, ask him what on earth you did to deserve such treatment. But you didn't do either. Instead you just quietly sat down, avoiding any physical contact or even eye contact. You came here to listen - you've done enough talking. It was his turn now.

"You look really pretty.." he started, his tone quiet, almost as if he was embarrassed to speak.

"I know, but thank you." His smile quickly faded, turning into a frown. It was hard for you to act so heartless towards him but you couldn't afford to let your guard down again. He wasn't going to win you over with cheap compliments.

"Y/n, I'm sorry..I know I hurt you, I know I shouldn't have just ghosted you but..I did have my reasons. I'm really sorry." He started again, after a long moment of silence.

"Reasons?" Your raised voice gathered a few concerned and disapproving looks from the people at nearby tables, causing you to calm down a little and remind yourself that you came there to listen to him. "I'm not sure avoiding your girlfriend for an entire month can be justified by any..reasons..especially after everything we've been through together." You added, this time in a much more calm manner.

"I know..I'm not trying to justify anything, I'm just..I don't know what to tell you, I know I fucked up."

"How about you tell me the truth for a change..why did you avoid me all this time?"

"I..I can't. It's too embarrassing." His last words barely a whisper. You were baffled. He basically begged for you to come see him, to hear him out and now this? What kind of game was he playing?

"So why the fuck did you make me come all the way here? Are you getting off to this? To my pain and anxiety? Seeing me hurt and angry?" You didn't care about other customers anymore, you were pissed and you felt humiliated. This wasn't the Murayama you fell in love with.

"No, no! I wanted to see you because I love you, I care about you and I..I can't imagine my life without you, y/n..But I..I just didn't think you'd want to be with someone like me." Before you could answer, say anything, he suddenly got up and started to make his way to the door, leaving you shocked and confused. You called out to him a few times but to no avail. He left without explaining anything and you would be angry, you should be angry, but his last words caught your attention. What did he mean by someone like him? It couldn't possibly be about Oya or S.W.O.R.D., you talked about it before you were even together, and you've never judged him for it or told him to abandon his friends. That couldn't be it.

At this point you couldn't lie to yourself anymore. You had to know what he was hiding from you, what was so important and so embarrassing that he couldn't even talk to you about it, couldn't even look you in the eyes. Determined to solve this mystery once and for all, you decided to break a promise you gave him years ago and go to the one place you knew he was going to have to go to eventually. His apartment. He told you the address at the start of your friendship but on the same day he made you promise you'd never go there, unless it was an emergency. To be fair, this was an emergency. Your last chance to get any closure before he'd disappear from your life forever.

However, you only knew the address, he never gave you a key, so when you finally arrived at your destination, and realized Murayama hasn't come home yet, you were stumped. You refused to leave, not when you managed to see him after all this time, not when you were so close to getting an answer. You'd wait as long as needed and you wouldn't leave without getting one. At that point you didn't even care what the answer was, you just had to know. He owed you at least that much. Otherwise you didn't think you could ever trust a man again, most definitely not Murayama.

And so you've waited, minutes turning into hours, your anger and anxiety slowly dissipating, your mind becoming more clear after you calmed down. A gentle but firm grip on your shoulder woke you up from a nap you didn't even know you were taking. How long have you been there, sitting on the staircase leading to his apartment? You didn't know, your face heating up with embarrassment at the realization. You could only hope none of his neighbors saw you.

"Y/n?!" Murayama was as surprised as you. "What are you doing here? How long have you been sitting here? Are you okay?"

His last question made your heart skip a beat, your expression softening. Maybe, just maybe, he did still care about you after all.

"I dunno.." You mumbled, hesitantly taking his hand and allowing him to help you get up. "I just wanted to know why you were avoiding me..What I've done for you to hate me so much.." You confessed, your voice breaking, tears already gathering at the corners of your eyes, threatening to escape.

"I don't hate you, you silly..I love you. I always have." With that, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer, until your body was almost completely covered by his. Despite everything, you've never felt as safe as you did at that moment. He always knew how to calm you down, even if it was him causing your distress. "Come on, let's go in."

#please the gif #that little smirk #i didn't really care about him all that much in the movies but this request got me looking disrespectfully #high and low #high&low #high and low murayama #murayama yoshiki #murayama yoshiki x reader #high and low fanfiction #high and low x reader

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