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schafpudel · 1 year

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The thing is that when you're a kid, the part of Princess Tutu's ending that is most disappointing is Duck turning back into a duck. Like Uzura points out, it's sad that Duck won't be able to talk to people ever again or interact with them like a person can. Furthermore, if you like the romance aspect of shoujo, it’s... a pretty big obstacle to not just Fakiru, but literally any other ship imaginable.

But as I get older, the part that frustrates me the most is Mytho and Rue.

(Dead Dove, Do Not Eat if you don’t wanna read criticism of the ending of Princess Tutu. I’m placing this in the main tag for my own blog’s organizational purposes; if you have tips for how to prevent it from showing up in tag search, let me know.)

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Rue... has been told all her life that Mytho is the only person capable of loving her, and we are SHOWN that's not true. Duck loves her. Malen was attracted to her, even if the intensity of that feeling was exacerbated by a heart shard. But she struggles to accept this. The failure to take Femio’s heart, after all, was used by the Raven to prove that ”you will never be loved by anyone but me and the prince in the story” was an ironclad rule of her existence.

Autor being able to love her at all, enough to die for her, even if it was infatuation brought about by raven-blood magic and the machinations of The Story, was yet another slap in the face after learning she was human, and not a deformed crow. Confronted with another fact of her existence being a lie, she laughed at the absurdity and horror of it all, and told him to go home.

Rue is a deeply traumatized and abused young woman, who has been told she’s unlovable her entire life. She’s deeply afraid of losing even the facsimile of love, and without anyone to turn to, she acted on those fears in ways that were harmful to both herself and others. She has difficulty trusting that other people, such as Duck, genuinely care about her, even when they go out of her way to talk to her.

She needs space and time to grow emotionally healthy. She needs a support network, a multiplicity of relationships to fall back on when she struggles, more than she needs to rely entirely on the love on a single romantic partner. Who will she turn to, if their relationship ever struggles? Even the happiest couples argue sometimes, and her and Mytho’s relationship has a lot of baggage attached to it.

Everyone else goes back to their "true selves", but Rue becomes a fairytale princess, and retreats deeper into The Story. On one level, it’s wish fulfillment and escapism for a girl who's known nothing but misery - her very own Cinderella story. Thematically, next to everyone else, it's just a little strange. She was born a normal girl, before the Raven stole her. She was *happiest* when she was a normal girl. Could she not also be happy in “reality,” with the petty stakes and mundane pleasures of a commoner's existence?

I wonder if her birth parents are alive. I wonder what it would be like, for her to meet them. Not even to necessarily move in with them, just... getting to know where she really came from. Her ties to humanity.

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Mytho, unlike everyone else, isn't allowed to question his role by the anime. He is not a "real person" thrust into a role, but rather a being created from the role, and that sets him apart. But the entire inciting incident of The Prince and The Raven is that Mytho's selfless love causes others to fight over him, and that his attempts to rescue them simply escalate the conflict and the raven's predation.

Mytho was born to be selfless to the point of self-destruction, because he was created by Drosselmyer to suffer and die. When heartless, he sacrifices his own wellbeing for the sake of the innocent with the same thoughtless, primal instinct as a salmon returning to its river, a moth flying towards a flame. His entire concept of love, when he regains it, revolves around sacrificing himself for others' sake.

(When the raven's blood corrupts him it simply inverts this. Demanding that other people sacrifice themselves for him, that they love only him. Is this not, in a way, a reflection of what the people inside in the story demanded of him?)

Mr. Cat tells Mytho that you can't marry on the feeling of wanting to die for someone alone, but we have no evidence he ever learns this, really. To the very end, he was going to do something very dramatic, passionate, romantic, self destructive, and utterly pointless -- shatter his heart again (in the hopes that maybe he would regain it), kill the Raven (and Rue with him), and then kill himself. Thankfully, Duck stopped him.

Princess Tutu is less inherently critical of the idea of princes and princesses than Utena, but here’s something that feels relevant to Mytho. In RGU.... the life of a prince, lived up to its hypothetical chivalrous ideals, is not sustainable. Dios ran himself ragged, until he became ill, and the world was enraged that he did not continue his princely duties. Anthy "sealed him away", to protect him, and took the brunt of their hatred. Now, as Akio, he lives freely... by letting her suffer the swords of humanity's hatred in his place, every single day, and attempts to cheat his way back to princehood by the most manipulative, abusive means possible.

(I don’t think Mytho is doomed to become an abusive monster like Akio, even taking account how he conducted himself under Raven’s blood. But I wonder if he can maintain the lifestyle forever. He was created to subject himself to a Sisyphean task, where his own attempts to stop it merely exacerbated the disaster he was fighting. He was created to suffer, and die.)

I don’t know if he can ever be free of his... “programming,“ his “instincts,“ his pre-written nature. But I would like him to be free of the responsibility to always follow them. To not have the world on his shoulders. To be able to be a little selfish, without going full heart-eating corvid.

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I can't help but feel, sometimes, like Rue and Mytho simply retreated deeper into the coffin that Drosselmyer created, thinking it to be freedom.

I’d kind of like a season 3, whether to change this ending... or to reassure me of the ending we have.

#princess tutu

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scorpionatori · 1 year

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My Top 5 Anime Characters

(sorry, pochita isn’t on the list he’s just my mascot)

5. Denji - Chainsaw Man

Denji often gets written off as a horny pervert teenage boy character, but to me he is the best character in Chainsaw Man and one of the best shounen protagonists out there. I actually appreciate how Denji’s sexuality was handled in the series as it’s a very important aspect of his character and the story. Denji is a child who was almost completely deprived of every basic need. He barely even had enough to get by without starving to death. He was abused by pretty much every man he knew, and he is inherently distrustful of them. On the other hand, Denji is desperate for a nurturing motherly figure and this leads to him latching onto almost every woman he meets, Makima in particular. This leads to him being taken advantage of and even groomed. While other protagonists are driven by some noble goal, Denji is someone who is completely driven by very basic human needs and desires - food, shelter, and sex. He’s happy as long as he has his needs and desires met. I think this makes him a very interesting and compelling protagonist, and it’s interesting that the story revolves around a boy who’s been used and abused his whole life ultimately breaking free and trying to learn how to live his own life. He is not your typical noble savior protagonist, and I love that he’s driven by such raw and human needs and desires.

4. Asuka Langley - Neon Genesis Evangelion

I love the tragedy of Asuka’s character, and it frustrates me that so many people just reduce her to a bratty child. She’s a young girl whose entire view on life is that she has to be the best at what she does. She displays very narcissistic qualities: desperately needing praise and approval constantly, drawing attention to herself whenever she can, and having a fragile self esteem that fluctuates between very high and very low. Her identity is so tied into being the best pilot that she’s very threatened by her two peers, and when she starts struggling and failing it completely ruins her. It’s heartbreaking to watch her big spiral into despair and self hatred, and to me her deep-seated fear of failure and not being good enough at her chosen skill hit very close to home.

3. Shigeo Kageyama - Mob Psycho 100

Mob is a beautifully written character. Of all the characters out there who have emotional repression issues tied into suppressing their special abilities, he is definitely my favorite. Mob is traumatized because of his abilities. He lost control and his little brother got hurt. He became so focused on not relying on his powers that he even deeply suppressed his own emotions (as his emotions tie into his powers and how strong they are). Mob became incredibly socially awkward and detached, to the point Dimple even describes him as livestock. The most beautiful part of the story to me is how he learns to accept the part of himself that he tried to deny because he was scared. He split off from the part of himself he found frightening and tried to hide it away. The ending arc where this other side of him gets out of control is terrifying and heartbreaking, and yet he’s finally able to truly accept and embrace all of himself by the end.

2. Osamu Dazai - Bungo Stray Dogs

Dazai quickly earned the right to be my favorite character I’d truly consider “morally gray”. Despite providing comic relief with his behavior and personality and antics, he reveals himself throughout the series to be actually quite terrifying. As a former mafia executive, Dazai was ruthless, cold, detached, and manipulative. He committed many crimes for the Port Mafia and was even violently abusive to his former apprentice. Something that interests me about him is that he didn’t really change too much after leaving the mafia and joining the agency. He’s still kept a lot of the same views and he didn’t have some big redemption arc by leaving the bad organization. Unlike a lot of characters who have a dark past but become heroes, Dazai seems to have no remorse for the bad things he did. But his dying friend told him it’s more beautiful to live a life where you save and help people, and this caused him to change the kind of life he wanted to lead. He was attracted to the violence of the mafia, hoping to find some meaning in existence by being around raw human desires and behaviors, but even in this he found no purpose in living. So, after his friend’s words, he made the choice to go down a better path, because if both paths give no inherent meaning to life, you may as well choose the one that doesn’t hurt people. He’s still manipulative and has a very nihilistic worldviews, but he ultimately chose to be on the side that exists to save people. To me, he’s an interesting study of how a change of a person’s environment can influence external behavior, even if it doesn’t completely change who a person is deep down inside. He’s still the same person he was, but he no longer lives a life spent hurting other people. He’s a very complex and human character who can neither be labeled good nor bad.

1. Natori Shuuichi - Natsume’s Book of Friends

Although some people found him unlikeable (can’t relate), it didn’t take long for Natori to become my favorite character in Natsume’s Book of Friends, and just my favorite anime character in general. Despite having some moral gray areas, he’s overall a good and caring person who is very dedicated and protective of others. He’s often been criticized for his tendency to lie and deceive others and have some manipulative moments, but this is part of what makes him interesting to me. In my opinion, he undergoes the most change and growth throughout the series, going from a manipulative and deceptive person who desired more power and status in his community to someone who wants nothing more than to protect the people he cares about. He is very well written, his backstory episode easily being one of the best episodes in the entire series. I love the comic relief he provides while at the same time being very complex and deep. As much as it pains me that a lot of people disliked him so much, I think the fact people couldn’t decide on what kind of person he was proves his complex and intriguing writing. He’s very much a product of his abusive and neglectful environment and being ostracized from others, but he develops a safe and healthy friendship with someone who truly cares about him, and it causes him to undergo a lot of personal growth. I would personally love an entire series just about his life from being a teenager to being a young adult in the exorcist community and the changes he underwent. He’s truly a character deserving of his own series.

#natsume yuujinchou #bsd #mp100 #nge #chainsaw man #natori shuuichi #bsd dazai #shigeo kageyama #asuka langley #denji

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ascalonianpicnic · 3 years

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Hey! Y’all want a salty essay about the bullshit treatment Caithe gets from the fandom at large that compares Rytlock and Caithe’s characters? Cause I wrote one!

Warning: this essay is incredibly bitter and salty, and that bitterness and salt is directed at people who hate Caithe. I swear in it. I’m mean to Rytlock in it. I heavily imply people who hate Caithe are sexist in it. This was written in the middle of the champions releases, but doesn’t focus on s5 or past pof in general.

A morally grey assassin, jaded from a traumatic past who thinks they have to do everything themself to ensure it's done right. They had to kill someone close to them for the greater good, were deeply hurt by a former partner, no longer work with their old crew due to a tragedy they could not prevent and blame themself for. The two people they care about are their brother whom they love and understand despite his quirks and oddities, and their new young mentee who they have mixed feelings about and who they don't want to admit they care for for fear of losing them. They have a blood soaked past and make mistakes, but they're learning and growing thanks to their young mentee and the hard work they're putting in at reflecting on their past actions and accepting they don't have to bear the weight of the world alone.

Y'all would like Caithe if she was a man. She's built on several tropes so commonly seen in male protagonists and mentor figures. Mistakes she's made that people claim are unforgivable are made by other, less apologetic, male characters who are forgiven and still held in high regard. And I know these archetypes are popular among the guild wars 2 fandom, considering the high crossover with dragon age fans, and how many dragon age fans love Zevran the assassin who regularly hides his true feelings and bears so much guilt, and Duncan the former thief who sees little crime in what he views as rightful murders and views death as an acceptable cost to protect some secrets for the safety of the world. The guild wars 2 fandom in general would love Caithe so much more if she wasn't a woman.

But because she's a woman, killing Wynne, killing a few courtiers during personal story, keeping the secret of the sylvari to protect her people from a massacre at the hands of the other races, and taking the egg to ensure it wouldn't fall into the wrong hands are all seen as unforgivable sins. She's learning and growing every step of the way. She's taken the time to look back on what she's done. She's apologized for not trusting and betraying the commander (who she has a complicated relationship with regardless of race, that person stole her wyld hunt because she was somehow not good enough to kill a dragon alone), she's learned she can rely on others to have her back and doesn't have to do everything alone, she's realized bloodshed isn't always the answer. She's come a long way, learned to let herself trust again, and is working so hard to grow. Yet loads of y'all still hate her for her past mistakes, and some of y'all think it's okay to wish death on her fucking openly with no warning.

And yet, so many people who hate Caithe and wish death on her, citing her actions during Living World Season 2 and Heart of Thorns as the reason why, will in the same breath mention that Rytlock is one of their favorite characters in the game. As I said, y'all would like Caithe if she was a man.

Rytlock has made the exact same mistakes as Caithe during the story. Alright maybe not exactly the same, but his mistakes parallel hers very cleanly. He isn't an assassin, but he is a born and raised soldier who has killed countless people in his rise to the rank of Tribune. He didn't steal an egg, but he did jump into the mists and free a clearly powerful and dangerous figure for the sake of getting his sword back. He didn't keep the secret of the sylvari, but he did, in fact, keep the secret of Balthazar. And he had his own mentee who he had a fraught relationship with. Let's take this one by one.

If you play through the blood legion story on a charr, you probably remember overthrowing the legionnaire of your warband and taking over. In this segment, Rytlock not only encourages you to challenge your Legionnaire, he forces Urvan Steelbane to fight you. Then, at the end of the fight, he gives you the option to kill your superior. Rising through the ranks in charr society is a mixture of proving yourself a reliable soldier and proving yourself superior to your superiors through combat so you can take their place. As a tribune, Rytlock has risen high through the legion, spilling lots of blood and putting those around him at risk. It is noted that prior to his promotion to tribune, Rytlock got in serious trouble more than once for risking missions and endangering his own warband for the sake of his own fame and glory. While not an assassin, much like Caithe he has a very bloody history and a habit of trying to do everything himself

One of the biggest events held against Caithe is when she steals Aurene's egg from the dying Master of Peace as he tries to give it to the commander. While especially true for the sylvari commander, Caithe has a lot of her own reasons for not trusting this incredibly important egg in the hands of the commander. At the same time, her calling as one of Aurene's guardians, her wyld hunt to protect this egg, and the poundings at her mind of mordremoth are all overwhelming her and leaving her confused. Feeling she has to do everything herself, as she often struggles with, Caithe takes the egg to protect it from falling in the wrong hands. She later admits this was the wrong move that put people around her in grave danger and risked the world and apologizes for it. The way Caithe acts about Aurene's egg is pretty similar to how Rytlock acts towards the sword Sohothin. The first time he sees it, he jeopardizes the mission he and Crecia are on to steal it, putting her in extreme danger and blaming her when she has to act to protect herself. Later on, when he loses the sword through a mists portal during a ritual to try and cleanse the foefire ghosts from Ascalon, he abandons the ritual, ensuring it fails, so he can pursue his sword, leaving the commander and the iron legion imperator to face the danger of Barridin's ghost army alone, much like how Caithe left the commander to face the Shadow of the Dragon while she fled with Aurene's egg. While in the mists, seeking his lost sword, Rytlock frees a very clearly powerful and dangerous figure (who we'll come back to) in order to reclaim Sohothin. Like how Caithe put the world at risk by trying to protect the egg alone, Rytlock puts the world at risk trying to reclaim his sword.

Let's take a brief moment to talk about Caithe and Rytlock's mentees, before we get on to the biggest similarity the two share. Caithe's mentee, if she has one as it depends on the player, is the sylvari commander. The sylvari commander is a decently young sylvari, who only a few years earlier emerged with a parallel wyld hunt to Caithe herself. Caithe is a loner in general following the pains of Wynne's death, Faolain's abuse, and the breaking of Destiny's Edge. Now she's handed a youth who was created to help her with her Hunt that she was always told she had to do alone, basically saying she is no longer trusted to perform her hunt alone and now she has to train her replacement. She does seem to care for the commander, but the relationship there is always going to start off complicated, and it leads to her betraying the commander, leaving them to fight the Shadow of the Dragon, and taking the egg she doesn't trust them to handle. Later on, once she realizes her mistakes, she reaches out to the commander to apologize, and repeatedly puts her trust very clearly in them, acknowledging that she does need them and she did in the past. How that relationship ends is of course up to the player, but she makes an attempt at reconciliation after the fallout. Rytlock's mentee of note here is Rox. He takes her own as a promising young woman who he thinks would fit well in his warband and takes a hand in helping her train and find her place again in the legions. In order to join the Stone warband, Rox is given the incredibly difficult and definitely not soloable task of killing Scarlet Briar. Rox, when it comes down to it, chooses to put Braham's life and safety over dealing the killing blow to Scarlet herself, trusting the commander, whoever they are, and Kasmeer to get the job done while she stays back with Braham and Marjory. Following the victory over Scarlet, Rox is too afraid to face Rytlock. She didn't kill Scarlet herself, meaning she failed, and she's afraid Rytlock will kill her for it. This is itself a sign of a deeply unhealthy relationship between Rytlock and Rox. On top of that, Rytlock has as of yet never tried to reach out to Rox, to check up on her or apologize or do anything to repair the relationship between the two of them. (A note from replaying s2, Rox does join for the barradin keep mission with Rytlock there, but Rytlock doesn't really check up on her, and he sure as hell doesn't offer her the more than earned position on his warband despite everything.)

The last point is the one I believe I've seen held against Caithe the most. During Living World Season 2, Caithe keeps secret from the commander and from her own brother Trahearne that the Sylvari are purified minions of Mordremoth, leading to Trahearne's attack against the dragon ending in a massacre. Caithe, when she was incredibly young and impressionable, learned the truth from Wynne before having to kill her to keep Faolain from learning the truth as well. She has, for years now, been the only one to know this secret, and she believes that if it were to get out, the world would turn against the still young and fairly defenseless sylvari and slaughter them. As she sees it, she has to bear the burden of this secret alone, as she has to do everything alone. While dealing with her duties tied to Aurene's egg and struggling with the growing voice of Mordremoth as well, she may not even know of Trahearne's plans to fly an army into the jungle. She has every reason to keep this secret still, it's for the good of her own people. Yes it is a mistake, but she didn't know this at the time. She believes, as she keeps this secret, that it is the only way to prevent the sylvari from dying off as they're just coming into the world. She regrets the loss of life, but she can't go back and change it now.

Now Rytlock also keeps a very important secret, from the commander and everyone else. He refuses to share details of what he saw and did in the mists during his hunt for Sohothin. While in the mists, Rytlock meets an old man in chains. The man, recognizing Sohothin in Rytlock's hands, unlit, says he can reignite the sword if Rytlock frees him. Rytlock accepts the deal and frees the man, returning Sohothin to its original glory and gaining access to a portal out of the mists that the old man makes. Now, Rytlock grew up while the war between humanity and the charr was still growing strong. He spent a lot of his early years in Ascalon, exploring the ruins, likely fighting humans trying to reclaim their land, and definitely fighting the ghosts of humans. That alone should have been enough for him to recognize the human god his enemies worshipped while waging war against him and his people. Beyond that, after Rytlock came into possession of Sohothin, he researched the sword's history. The sword, originally crafted and wielded by Balthazar, is one Rytlock is familiar with. It stands to reason Balthazar himself is at the very least a familiar figure to Rytlock. So when Rytlock encounters a large, powerful figure in the mists who recognizes Sohothin in a state very few have ever seen it in, and has the power to relight the flames that the god Balthazar had originally created, Rytlock has to know who he is talking to. He knows who he freed in exchange for Sohothin's flames. He may say otherwise, but there is no way he doesn't know who he freed in the mists. Even if we give him the benefit of the doubt and say he didn't know who exactly he freed, he still should have told the commander about the man with very powerful fire magic and the ability to make portals who he followed out of the mists. Rytlock caused the tragedy that is Path of Fire and almost caused the end of the world, because he decided to keep the fact that he freed Balthazar a secret from everyone until it was far too late and Elona was already burning. Caithe's secret may have resulted in the failure of the Maguuma campaign and the loss of lives of many soldiers, but Rytlock's secret resulted in the near destruction of an entire civilization and the deaths of countless innocents.

Yet Caithe is still hated deeply for keeping a secret that she thought was for the good of the world, while Rytlock is quickly forgiven for keeping a secret to protect his pride. Rytlock has made all the same mistakes Caithe has and has arguably handled all of them worse, yet he is still a fandom favorite while she is hated by the community. It's pretty clear that Caithe isn't hated for her actions and mistakes. That's just an excuse.

You would like her if she was a man.

#gw2 #my essays #caithe #not tagging cat man #building my mean lesbian niche of essay content 😊🔪#last one was for the eir lovers this ones for the caithe fans #also sorry for referencing da origins 😔

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everythingsinred · 3 years

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Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 22)

Today we'll talk about the Time-Travel Arc. Obviously, the focus in that arc is Yuka's past, so there's going to be a lot of content that I'll skip unless it's relevant to NatsuMikan. What ship/character content there is I will dissect heavily. This is just a warning that I'll be skipping even five or so chapters at time, and it might seem jarring. Sorry about that.

In this part, we'll see how Natsume and Mikan are in many ways fated, but also how selfless Natsume can be, even in the face of losing the person he loves the most forever. He's going to keep his promise to protect her no matter what happens, even if it means never seeing her again.

Chapter One Hundred and Seven

For most of this arc, Natsume and the others are merely observers of Yuka’s past. They keep the talking and interaction to a minimum. There will be some instances where Natsume does enough for me to be able to analyze him, but they’re limited to start with.

For example, when Tsubasa, Tono, and Nobara are finally able to join them, there’s a dramatic reunion.

Nobody has seen Tsubasa in some time, and his whereabouts were a mystery. Obviously he shares a meaningful embrace with Mikan, but he also makes eye contact with Natsume, who looks shocked and relieved to see him again, even if he wasn’t the one to find him. Tsubasa knows Natsume had searched tirelessly for him, so he apologizes for making Natsume and the others worry. For a moment, it almost seems as though maybe they will share the next reunion hug. But to show that everything truly is back to normal, Natsume’s demeanor shifts and he gets annoyed with Tsubasa for hugging Mikan for so long.

Thinking really hard about Natsume's love languages: nicknames, being willing to die for you one second and then pretending like you're a nuisance the next, never giving compliments so they hit like a brick when he does, just hanging around you, and physical touch.

Natsume doesn’t know how to show feelings properly. With Ruka, he can be more openly affectionate and loving, and now with Mikan he has recently (today) had the opportunity to be more honest about his feelings, but Tsubasa is different. For a very long time, he has pretended like Tsubasa was nothing more than a nuisance. Suddenly being honest with everyone would be tiresome. Besides, Tsubasa already knows that Natsume cares, since he struggled so much to find him.

If you want to hug somebody, Natsume says (or doesn’t say… this conversation seems to all be telepathic), go hug Misaki. Not my girl. It hardly matters that Misaki isn’t around and that idea is impossible to make a reality. So Tsubasa naturally shoots back that he will simply pretend Mikan is Misaki.

Natsume is a good person, as we have seen over the course of the manga. When he loves someone, he loves hard and with his whole chest. He doesn’t half-ass his feelings. Despite his occasional bouts into saying something kind and heartfelt, he is and always has been naturally a bit more reserved. His personality is one to withhold a little, and to interact with people through teases. Even at his most free, before he came to the academy, he would tease and insult before saying something sweet. His love will always be something that needs to be interpreted, because he hates being open about why he’s doing the selfless things he is. If he is too open, then people will know and then they might feel guilty or like they owe him something. He doesn’t want that. Another thing is that he just likes having fun with his friends and loved ones this way, with occasional taunts and teases. That’s just the kind of person he is.

Chapter One Hundred and Nine

We get introduced to Igarashi Kaoru, an upperclassman of Yuka’s and a mysterious figure. Yuka first met her in a compromising position, when she’s about to sleep with a boy who we will later find out is Natsume’s father. She looks very much like a more grown up, female version of Natsume, and they seem to have a lot in common when it comes to their basic personality.

Just like Natsume, Kaoru can be serious-minded and doesn’t take any shit. She’s also like him in that she shows affection through teasing.

Mikan, in this chapter, finally asks who this Igarashi person is, since she looks so familiar. Natsume sarcastically says, “Heaven knows.” I’m sure he wasn’t actually expecting to see his mother in these flashbacks. She died when she was very young and as a result she didn’t have the opportunity to talk much about Yuka. It must be a surprise to see that she played such an active role in Mikan’s mother’s life.

Heaven knows. Get it. 'Cause she's dead. Hahahaha.

To everyone else, it’s obvious that the Igarashi person is related to Natsume. Ruka might even directly recognize her from the painting he saw at the Hyuuga house that one time, but either way they look and act so similarly that it’s apparent to everyone but Mikan.

In any case, Natsume is seeing more of his mother than he ever has before. He knows very little about her, since she died when he was so small. He couldn’t have many conversations with her and he spent more time mourning and missing her than actually being with her. Not only is Mikan getting the chance to know the mother that was a mystery to her for her whole life, but Natsume is too. This is also his chance to discover his mother and get to know her, and it’s just his luck that Yuka and Kaoru actually had a strong bond.

After Kaoru intimidates Yuka at the Hana Hime den, Mikan and the gang react to the shocking scene. Kaoru is a force to reckon with, and Noda comments on how this force and tough love helped Yuka find strength in herself and confidence in her own alice.

Ruka insists on knowing more about Kaoru, and since everyone but Mikan seems to get that Kaoru is Natsume’s mother, we can see that Ruka is asking for Natsume. Natsume won’t ask. This is about Yuka, after all, and about Mikan. Natsume will see what he will of his mother insofar as she’s in Yuka’s life. Beyond that, he won’t ask for anything. Ruka knows this, so he asks instead. He wants to know about Natsume too, and what better way than to learn about the woman who seems to have so much in common with him? Natsume is touched that Ruka would go out of his way to ask a question Natsume will not ask.

Noda answers that Kaoru and Yuka will become best friends after this, and Mikan is shocked. How could someone so scary be Yuka’s best friend? But Noda explains: Kaoru has a compassionate and caring heart behind her cold front, just like Natsume, and Yuka could rely on her, even in her darkest moments. Yuka wouldn’t have gained confidence in her alice the way she did without Kaoru by her side.

That is a really fucking long red string!

And then Noda says it so even Mikan can tell now, that Natsume’s mother has always been beloved and a truly amazing person.

Chapter One Hundred and Ten

Noda further explains about Kaoru. She used her alice to spy on the academy for the HSP, and then after she graduated she continued to use her alice to expose corruption. She was deeply committed to doing the right thing and holding the academy responsible, and this commitment was inspiring to Yuka as well, who went down the path she did for the same reasons.

Somehow, their children met at the academy by pure chance, and are standing side by side now.

Here they are, standing together and in love with each other. Fate is a silly thing.

They are fated somehow. The same red string that tied Kaoru to Yuka now ties Natsume to Mikan. In fact, it’s his love for her that motivated him to go against the academy, more than his own misfortune or the wellbeing of other students or even because it was the right thing to do. The strong bond between their mothers now lingers between them, but differently, and maybe even stronger.

Natsume and Mikan are holding hands, looking at each other. Were they always meant to meet? To be together? Nothing is said out loud, but it’s apparent that they’re both thinking about their moms’ past and what exactly it means for their future.

Perhaps there's a difference between fated to fall in love and fated to be together.

Chapter One Hundred and Sixteen

Lots of chapters are getting skipped because there simply isn’t enough content, if any, of Natsume, not to mention NatsuMikan specifically.

Izumi is about to die, and everyone knows it as they watch. Mikan has just returned from falling through the time window. She wanted to warn her father, but Tsubasa was able to bring her back without much changing. Natsume immediately goes to Mikan’s side when she is safely returned and doesn’t leave. He holds her hand because what she’s about to witness will be deeply traumatizing and he knows that she will suffer all the more because she wasn’t able to stop it.

Everything happens as it is meant to, perhaps. Izumi is dying from Rei’s alice, since his own nullification can’t fight against Rei when he uses so much power at once.

I don't have anything clever to say here. He just loves her so much.

Mikan is distraught, and although Natsume first just tries to keep her from approaching the window again, once he sees her crying, despairing face, he shifts. All he’s ever wanted to do was keep her happy, keep her from sinking into even a fraction of the darkness he’s had to live in. It hasn’t always been easy, because Mikan was also destined to suffer, just like him.

Everyone else is pleading with Noda to get them out of the hole, to stop the flashbacks, but Noda can’t. The window is too turbulent and any moves on his part might be dangerous.

Protecting her no matter what doesn't only mean protecting her from physical harm, it means protecting her from seeing horrible things that she shouldn't have to see, like the death of her father.

So Natsume holds Mikan close. It is the only thing he can do, to tell her not to look and to hug her. She doesn’t need to see anymore. Natsume doesn’t just want to protect her physical safety but her mental and emotional well-being as well. He fell in love with a girl who always looks on the bright side, who is so optimistic and kind that her cheerfulness bleeds into everyone else. From the start, he was concerned that if her life darkened, her own light would fade and become tarnished.

But Natsume doesn’t need her to always smile. He just wants to protect her the best he can. If she needs to cry, then she can cry on him. He will hold her and support her and comfort her. She can’t always be happy, but all he’s ever wanted was to be there for her when she can’t be. When she needs to crumble a little, he will be there for her, because she would do the same. She comforted him too, even if she never knew she was doing it. It's not about having her be happy all the time, just minimizing the trauma. He can't protect her from all of it. Everything else is more powerful than he is. He can't keep her ignorant and blissful forever. Nobody can. But if they can't escape the flashback, then he will keep her from looking.

He can do this openly now, so he does. He wants her to know that she can rely on him and seek comfort from him. No matter what happens, he will be there for her.

So as Izumi dies, Natsume and Mikan aren’t looking. She doesn’t need to see. He keeps his focus on her, to support her, because she has to process a deeply traumatic event in a very short time. After all, the flashbacks are still going. Time didn’t stop for Yuka, and it won’t stop for Mikan.

Natsume’s shirt is probably soaked with tears. Not that he cares.

He holds her, not just through Izumi’s death, but for most of the aftermath. He stays, holding her, for as long as she needs him to. He will only let go when she’s okay to stand again. He ends up holding her for a couple chapters, and even when they stop hugging he still holds her up. He'd hold her for hours if she needed it.

Conclusion

Natsume and Mikan learned that their mothers were besties and are now struck with the knowledge that by pure chance they managed to meet and become as close as they did. Natsume confessed to the whole DA class (including Mikan) that he loves her in the last part, and he's done nothing but prove it over and over again.

We'll wrap up what is left of NatsuMikan in the Time-Travel Arc next week on Monday. His low self-esteem, selflessness, and all-consuming love will all take center stage in the next few entries.

Thank you all so much for reading so far. I hope you have a lovely day!

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#gakuen alice #alice academy #hyuuga natsume #natsume hyuuga #natsumikan #sakura mikan #mikan sakura #my meta #ga #mine #ga meta #ga meta: nm #ga meta: manga #ga meta: manga nm #let's talk about natsumikan #let's talk about natsumikan: natsume #nm song of the day is.... synesthesia by mayonnaise #i found this song through an amv for them si #its really fitting especially around this time #ga is interesting when it comes to fate #fate and time and things being the way they should... that sort of thing #i personally am not a big believer of fate irl but with fiction i go ham with it #natsumikan are canonically fated. lots of soulmate stuff. i very much believe theyre soulmates #but theres also potential in those anti-soulmate aus that i love so much #because as much as i love that theyre fated and meant to be and all that i also love that especially mikan CHOSE to be with him #theres a lot of choice involved specifically with her love for him #and although natsumes doesnt really feel like choosing as much as just falling in head first and not being able or willing to stop #he also chose her in a lot of ways.#i guess it can be both. theyre fated on accident but they still choose each other. both can be good. anyway im conflicted. whatever

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makeste · 4 years

Text

some rambling about legacies, and opening up, and All Might has two sons more at 11

can I offer you an essay about All Might and his children in these trying times.

so back before he got swept up in the great tides of character development, Bakugou used to think that in order for him to succeed at becoming the best hero, it meant that Deku could not succeed. he thought it was a zero sum game; he could only be strong if Deku stayed weak. if Deku grew strong, then that would mean he was the weak one. there wasn’t room for the two of them to reach the top together. it could only be one or the other.

this is of course patently false, and we’ve since seen it disproven beyond a shadow of a doubt, and Katsuki has learned that it’s okay for them to work together. not just okay, but correct; the only way, the best way. it doesn’t make him weak; working with Deku improves them both and helps them both to succeed.

so given that, I think it stands to reason that if this holds true for success and power levels, it should also hold true for their character development, and their personal relationships -- such as their relationship with All Might.

oddly enough, this is something that’s come under a fair amount of criticism. and interestingly, these criticisms have come from two very different perspectives. All Might spent too much time with Deku and focused too much on him and ignored Katsuki in his favoritism, which did a great deal of harm to Katsuki’s mental health. or the reverse: All Might’s bond with Deku is special and important, and there’s a closeness there that should never have been encroached on by Bakugou, and him sitting in on all of the OFA Club meetings now is unfair to Deku and takes away the one special thing that he had, and for once Kacchan should not make it about him and should butt out.

there isn’t room for both. or so both of these standpoints would seem to imply. All Might cannot be a close mentor to both Katsuki and Izuku; if he gets closer to one, it must necessarily be at the expense of the other.

pardon my very blunt take, but... bullshit.

let’s start by talking about something which I don’t often see discussed: All Might’s similarities to Bakugou. yes, Bakugou. not Izuku, the little green Might Jr., but Bakugou Katsuki, whose hostile and volcanic personality would at first glance seem to clash with All Might’s in almost every way possible. All Might is kind and altruistic and empathetic and burdened with a soul-deep need to help and protect others. All Might was born quirkless. All Might is the mirror image of Deku. All Might chose Deku as his successor specifically because he sees himself in Deku. all of this is absolutely true.

but All Might also keeps to himself. All Might goes to great lengths to avoid being seen as weak. All Might doesn’t let people close to him. All Might rarely works as part of a team. All Might is a natural talent. All Might smiles when he’s up against a wall. All Might is synonymous with determination. and All Might takes responsibility far beyond what he should, and burdens himself and blames himself when things go wrong, even when the outcome is out of his control. and at those times, All Might blames himself for not being stronger.

do you see?? All Might is like Deku, yes, but not only Deku. the truth is that All Might and Katsuki are alike as well. not only are they alike, they’re far too alike, in ways that All Might probably wishes they were not. where Deku is a mirror of All Might’s goodness and selflessness and optimism, Katsuki is a mirror of All Might’s strength and resolve and determination. but he is also a mirror of what is possibly All Might’s greatest weakness: his isolation.

this, perhaps, is a natural consequence that comes from having the sort of physical talent that both he and Katsuki possess. All Might grew up quirkless just as Deku did, yes, but once he received One for All from Nana in his teens, he took to it just as instinctively and intuitively as Katsuki has taken to his quirk. there was none of the steep learning curve that Deku experienced; OFA came to All Might easily, and he was by all accounts a force of nature during his school years.

the downside of this, however, is that when everything comes easily to you, you start to feel like everything always should. that because you are capable, you need to be capable. you start to build up expectations of yourself that don’t take into account the simple truth that no matter how gifted you are, everybody fails at some point or another. and because you are strong, because you never fail, you never learn how to let yourself rely on other people. you never learn how to ask for help.

and needless to say, this is a terrible, even fatal weakness to have. and what makes it all the more destructive is that this particular weakness is self-perpetuating and feeds into itself. you don’t know how to admit when you need help, and so you never get the help you need. it’s a brutal fucking cycle, and so it’s no wonder that All Might spent years and years and years trying to do everything all alone.

and he lost Nana. his mentor, the woman who was like a mother to him. and that only made matters worse. he lost the person who believed in him and encouraged him, and who understood the burden he was carrying better than anyone else, because she herself had struggled with that same burden. and so the one person he might have been able to reach out to, he ended up losing in the most devastating way possible. and so not only was he heartbroken and traumatized and likely blaming himself, but it also left him more alone than ever before, with the pain of that loss basically ensuring he wouldn’t ever open himself up and let anyone else in again.

and it’s easy to look at the impact of All Might’s downfall at Kamino, and the many shortcomings and vulnerabilities it exposed, and wonder what the hell he was thinking, and to blame him for not recognizing the fragility of the society he helped to build, and for the arrogance of thinking that a lone pillar could support an entire country all on its own and not inevitably come crumbling down. and yes; for all of his goodness and optimism, the notion that All Might had of a lone Symbol of Peace was deeply flawed.

but we learn from our failures. and after decades of struggling to support the world all on his own, All Might finally did fail. and after years of stubbornly trying to fight on anyway in spite of his injuries, he was finally forced to accept that his time was coming to an end, and that he needed to pass on his legacy. and in many ways, his mentoring of Izuku has been as much of a learning process for him as it has been for his protege.

because for all of the similarities I discussed earlier, there are also ways in which Deku is not like him at all. Deku is used to failure. Deku is not afraid to ask for help. and Deku does naturally what All Might has always struggled to do: he reaches out.

and who does he reach out to? first and foremost, to another boy with whom, as I mentioned, All Might shares all too many similarities.

another boy who’s isolated. another boy who doesn’t know how to ask for help, who is afraid to fail.

All Might understands Katsuki remarkably well right from the start. of course he does; how could he not? and because he is all too aware of the effect that kind of stubborn self-reliance has on a person, he is hesitant at first to reach out to Katsuki in the same way that he does to Izuku. not because of a lack of care or concern, but because he knows -- all too well -- that Katsuki will not accept it. and so instead he takes a different approach with him, trying to guide him while still respecting his pride and stubbornness.

so this is kind of the status quo for them for a while. but now here’s where things finally get interesting. because as All Might’s powers continue to wane, and he’s forced to come to terms with his own weaknesses and to rely more and more on others, he finally begins to see where it was that he went wrong. and as he grows to care more about Izuku, he realizes that he doesn’t want him to have to suffer in the same way that he did.

and during this same time, Katsuki is also starting to go through his own personal journey which includes so many of the same struggles that All Might came up against. everything that comes along with the mindset of thinking you only need to rely on yourself. so here, again, is someone who is so much like All Might was. who is putting the same kind of pressure on himself of thinking that it’s not okay to fail. and who, eventually, also comes to experience the same pain of feeling responsible for the “loss” of someone he admired more than anyone.

and it’s one thing for All Might not to acknowledge his own pain, but it’s quite another to recognize that same pain in someone else. and I think that once he did, he came to the same realization he did with Izuku: that he doesn’t want Katsuki to suffer like he did. see, that’s the thing about being selfless. you’re numb to it while it only affects you. it’s not until you see that same pain affecting someone else that you finally start to realize how fucked up it actually is.

and so this, fittingly, is what prompts All Might to finally reach out to Katsuki. the realization that Katsuki has been struggling alone, the same as himself. and at the same time, the long-overdue and crucial recognition that the past doesn’t have to be repeated. that he can be there for him, even if he’s still trying to figure out the best way how, and even if he still hasn’t come to terms with the near-identical burdens that he bears himself.

and so Katsuki has now officially gained one (1) Dadmight as well. and so here we have two boys, each a reflection of their beloved hero in their own way. two boys, and one legacy. a legacy which All Might carried proudly, but which nearly ended up destroying him in the end. two boys whose strengths and weaknesses seamlessly complement each other’s. two boys who already share a bond the likes of which All Might himself never had growing up.

the solution is obvious. but more than that, it’s necessary. so that neither of these boys has to go through what he went through. so that neither of them will ever have to fight alone. so that if they fall -- when they fall -- the other one will be there to help them get back up.

Deku has the quirk, but One for All is more than just a quirk. pardon me for getting all sappy, but it’s right there in the name -- One for All. it’s more than a power; it’s the legacy of working together to fight evil. a legacy of inspiring hope in others. and a legacy of never, ever giving up.

that legacy is both of theirs to share. that will is both of theirs to inherit. both Izuku and Katsuki are All Might’s successors. and he takes pride in them both.

and All Might doesn’t love Izuku any less because he is also a mentor to Katsuki. and All Might doesn’t care about Katsuki any less because he also has a close bond with Izuku. and All Might mentoring the one will always also be in the other one’s best interests. because the stronger they become, the stronger they can be for each other.

and they’ll need to be. because one thing All Might does understand all too well is that regardless of whether he lives or dies, he won’t always be able to be there for them.

so do you see? the reason why it’s so important for All Might to mentor them both. to mentor them together. because Katsuki can inspire and support Izuku in ways that All Might can’t. Izuku can reach Katsuki to an extent which All Might cannot. and All Might knows this, and has understood it almost from the start.

in conclusion, there really isn’t and never has been a war for All Might’s affections. Katsuki becoming a part of the squad isn’t forced; it’s foreshadowed. it doesn’t take away from what All Might has with Deku; it’s proof that All Might cares deeply about Deku and is taking steps to secure his future. and for All Might himself, it gives him a new purpose: to be there for these kids, to guide them and continue to support them.

and them coming together shows their growth. it shows how far they’ve come as characters. it’s the culmination of something that has been in the works since the start. All Might has two sons, plain and simple, and debating which one is the favorite child is really missing the entire point. that this is the story of two boys, who grew up admiring the same person.

and the story of how the two of them take that legacy, and make it their own.

together.

anyway that’s my post! if anyone needs me I’ll be sitting here thinking about these boys and how much I love them and their dad, and pondering other comforting topics to write therapeutic essays about.

#bnha #all might #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #bnha meta #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #this post brought to you by residual feelings about heroes rising which I still have a whole month later #and by my conflicting need to take some time to recover from the current events of the manga but also still wanting to post about bnha #and by the letter k #bakugou meta

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squidproquoclarice · 4 years

Note

All the questions for the relationship meme :^)

All the questions for Sadithur (as discussed!), done. This one’s going largely under a cut because it’s long! Numerous other people requested a single answer, but since I got this one, please go ahead and refer to this for it.

PRE-RELATIONSHIP

How did they first meet?

He came to rob her house for survival supplies, and instead ended up rescuing her from being held prisoner by the men who’d murdered her husband. Not exactly a meet cute.

What was their first impression of each other?

Uhhhh, well. Arthur’s first impression of Sadie was “poor shocked woman who’s had her house broken into, her husband murdered, and been attacked herself by O’Driscolls for the last three days”. And Sadie’s first impression of Arthur is probably “large strange man who was in my house, shot the bastards who broke in, and is clearly a violent man himself, even if he saved me, and I’m not inclined to trust pretty much any man right now, let alone one with a gun.” Not the most promising beginning.

Did any of their friends or family want them to get together?

Hosea definitely hoped for them to become a couple at some point if they survived what was to come, even though he knew at that time neither of them was in a good place for it. Hosea’s very much the cheerleader for his kids being happy, to judge from his trying to get Abigail and John to reconcile, and given I’m sure he knows about Eliza and Isaac, he knows how lonely and traumatized Arthur is, and also sees the remarkable rapport and ease of manner he develops with Sadie. I also think Abigail, who loves both Arthur and Sadie deeply, kind of hoped for it also. She knows how lonely they both are, and sees how they are around each other, and we know she’s definitely a bit of a romantic and a believer in the power of love. I suspect Tilly might have leaned in that direction too, because Tilly’s perceptive AF, and Arthur’s Big Bro. Who felt romantic feelings first?

Arthur. Understandably so, as his grief for Isaac and Eliza is further in the past than Sadie’s for Jake. It was still only a matter of a couple of months difference, though. Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

Not so much resisted as restrained. They readily accepted they felt that way, and that the person they felt romantic feelings towards was more than worthy of it. They were just questioning whether it was right and fair to put those feelings on the other person. Both of them had concerns--Arthur felt like he had nothing to offer Sadie and had no right to impose on her like that with his feelings, and Sadie had concerns that Arthur would just be bulldozed into a relationship from just being happy to be wanted, and she was unwilling to hurt him like that.

If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think? Almost immediately the two of them click in a profound way and they’re very close and comfortable with each other. The trust and affection and deep friendship is already there, so I don’t think they’d be shocked to hear they’d be so important to each other. But they would likely have both been very surprised at the idea of also being together romantically and sexually at some point. Not as a reflection of the other person being unsuitable, but because after so much trauma and self-loathing and loss, neither of them could imagine having that in their lives.

GENERAL

Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go?

Neither of them really made a move. It just sorta happened as a slow change over a couple of years from friends to a cohabiting queerplatonic couple to spouses.

Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

In a sense, their first date was that shopping-and-gunfighting trip to Rhodes, which was pretty memorable, and shows off their immediate easy chemistry and battle couple potential. But in terms of a genuine romantically intended “first date”, not really. They were essentially a QPR by the time they admitted to now having romantic/sexual feelings as well, so things were intense and committed enough already that they didn’t need a date. They just moved right towards getting married.

What was their first kiss like?

They both had resolved to admit their feelings to each other after the wedding of two of their friends. Then they got a little tipsy at the wedding, ended up saying a bit too much, and Sadie took the initiative and kissed Arthur. Given he kissed back very enthusiastically, she could be pretty sure he wasn’t just playing along with her. But they realized they needed to talk, so they tabled it until the next day when they were sober again and could talk about it.

Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?

For Sadie, no. She’d been married very happily to Jake. For Arthur, this was the first relationship with solid grounding and a solid future rather than youthful fantasy like Mary, and he’s surprised at how easy it is to be with Sadie, including being vulnerable, because of that trust. It’s also the first time he’s had sex and actually really been comfortable and enjoyed it rather than just being left feeling awkward and even more alone, given he comes across very strongly as some type of asexual (I write him specifically as demisexual) and didn’t have opportunities for the emotional intimacy he needs to be interested in sex. Both of them actually had their first kiss in a same-sex romance, though Sadie wasn’t able to acknowledge hers as romantic until much later.

What’s their height difference? Age difference?

Given Roger and Alex’s heights, and their corresponding relative heights in-game looking accurate to that height differential, I put Arthur at 6’ish and Sadie at 5’4”ish, so there’s an 8 inch height difference. As for age, it’s canonical that Arthur was born in 1863. I have him as a July birthdate, so he’s 35 for the early bits of the game, and 36 for most of it. Sadie appears to be 30ish (she’s definitely no 24-year-old), and I write her as having been born in April of 1868. So she’s 31 for all of RDR2. That puts their age difference as a smidge under 5 years.

What’s their relationship with each other’s families?

Both of them have lost their biological parents by 1899. Arthur’s only bio sibling (David) died even before Arthur even knew him. Sadie lost an older brother (Henry), and she’s become estranged from her younger sister Caroline, though they patch that up. Arthur has yet to meet Caro, though, as she’s been living in Oregon. So the only real family in question was the gang, and clearly Sadie was not only accepted by them, she actually stepped up and led them.

Who takes the lead in social situations?

Sadie tends to, and Arthur readily relies upon and defers to her experience there. He’ll be the first to admit his life didn’t exactly teach him the boundaries and everyday pleasantries of Victorian social order, and sometimes that’s to the good. Sadie’s not exactly a paragon of it herself as a hardscrabble farm girl who doesn’t defer to misogyny, but she’s aware of some of those rules, boundaries, and undercurrents in a way Arthur isn’t. So he’s not too proud to let her take the lead in a social situation, or to ask her advice in dealing with something without giving offense.

Who gets jealous easier?

Arthur would have, early on. He was far more insecure in himself (and as Sadie admits, he’ll always be a little more fragile than her in that realm), but he was probably more likely to morosely turn doubts on himself as a perceived inadequacy and personal failure rather than to get jealous of Sadie. Being romantically or sexually jealous really kind of requires insecurity and lack of trust, and they’ve moved far beyond that.

LOVE

Who said “I love you” first?

I had to double check. Arthur said it first when he proposed to her, but Sadie immediately followed it.

What are their primary love languages?

For both, I think Quality Time/Acts of Service. Showing love for both of them is in spending time together doing things, doing little things for each other, and basking in that friendship that’s the solid foundation of everything between them. There’s a bit of Physical Touch in there also due to both of them being somewhat touch-starved. I do think Arthur has some Words of Affirmation in there as well, because sometimes he truly needs to hear praise and affection deliberately and unequivocally stated to be able to believe it’s real, and Sadie’s come to realize that and respond to it.

How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?

They’re not really an overt PDA couple. What they have they consider generally very intense but private. They do like to cuddle in private, and small touches here and there are common enough.

What are their favorite things to do together?

Just spend time together, to be honest. It could be reading together (silently or one of them aloud), playing music together, doing chores, cooking, spending time with the kids, training horses, lying in bed talking, or anything. They just genuinely enjoy each other’s company.

Who’s better at comforting the other?

It’s a learned skill for both of them since neither was great at articulating feelings, but the months at Las Hermanas when they were both healing psychologically while Arthur was healing physically did a lot. They’re both fairly good at nonverbal comfort, and reaffirming each other.

Who’s more protective?

Pick a day. It can vary. ;) I think we see in-game they’re both fiercely protective of each other. I do think Arthur has the knack of being protective of her in a non-patronizing, non-paternalistic way, which Sadie appreciates. It’s still been hard for her to accept that needing and taking help isn’t admitting she’s weak. Arthur kind of had to get over that notion during his TB convalescence because he constantly needed help for things.

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

A mix of both. Usually not big overt dramatic demonstrations, since that’s not their dynamic, but quick little affectionate touches (on the arm, the cheek, etc.), using fond nicknames and pet names, and things like that.

What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?

I’ll keep working on this and probably post some of my Sadithur playlist at some point.

What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

“Art” and “Daisy” are their private affectionate nicknames, given Sadie jokingly calling him “artsy Art” as he’s an artist, and Arthur admitting he couldn’t come up with a fitting nickname from “Sadie” and just rearranging the sounds a bit. After Sadie used it in-game, “honey” is probably the most common pet name they use.

DOMESTIC LIFE

If they get married, who proposes?

Arthur did. That’s not because Sadie is a traditionalist by any means. But I do think there’s the part of her that likes to know she’s not steamrollering someone, and that they got to take their own initiative. Then especially in Arthur’s case, I think he needed to ask. She needed to be sure that Arthur wanted to be with her, rather than it being a case of her wanting him and him going along with it from being happy to be wanted by her. I also think he needed it too to prove to himself he could be confident enough in what he had to offer Sadie to ask, and to stand equal to her.

What’s the wedding like? Who attends?

They had a very small wedding at their home in Chuparosa, for several reasons. One is because they’re just not the type for huge demonstrative parties for their own sake, even if they enjoy them when they’re celebrations for someone else. Neither of them really likes being a massive center of attention. Two, they were fairly alone. They’d made some friends in Mexico, but aside from Charles (who they knew went to Canada), everyone else from the gang was a mystery to them. Three, they kept it small and quiet also since they’d sorta accidentally ended up playing fake married since Arthur’s admission to Las Hermanas in order to stick together. So everyone already assumed they were a married couple, and they didn’t want it to become a big obvious thing. Sister Calderon was the officiant (since it was a secular wedding of two avowed non-Catholics), and their friends Pedro and Juanita Estevez from Las Hermanas were the witnesses. Dr. Felipe Garcia, Arthur’s doctor who’d also become a friend, also attended, as did Albert Mason, who they’d found in Escalera a few weeks before on yet another wildlife photography expedition.

How many kids do they have, if any? What are they like?

Mild Sunrise spoiler ahoy, but as of 1908 they’ll have four: Beatrice (born 1902), Matthew (born 1903), Susanna (born 1905, adopted by them in 1907) and Andrew (born in 1908). I also see them as likely taking in some older kids later once Susie and Andy are a bit older, because Arthur in particular would be passionate about the need to try to give a couple of orphaned and/or homeless teens and near-teens a home. He knows the kind of people who take you in, or if it doesn’t happen at all, can make a huge difference. As for personality, Bea’s very much a fierce no-nonsense sort but very protective of the younger kids, Mattie’s a sweet boy who’s going to become a gentle giant, and as for Susie and Andy, I’ll wait to see what they tell me. Andy’s not born yet, and Susie’s both very young and dealing with the trauma of losing her family to Micah’s gang, so she’s understandably not showing much of her true personality just now.

Do they have any pets?

Aside from a lot of horses? They ended up with a black cat (Dido) at the very end of 1899, adopted during the first weeks of Arthur’s convalescence at Las Hermanas and helping keep him company during all that bed rest. Then they picked up a stray dog (Dusty) in Armadillo in 1901 during fighting the cholera epidemic--this is the Armadillo “Mutt” in-game. The most recent addition is a border collie puppy (Dorothy), who they’ve adopted from MacFarlane’s Ranch in 1907, given Charlie the border collie being there in RDR1.

Who’s the stricter parent?

This ended up being something of a big fight, actually, and probably the first huge blow-out in their marriage. Sadie felt like she was the only one providing discipline and accountability as Bea got old enough to start to need it. Arthur understandably was feeling his way through parenting since mostly what he has is negative examples from Lyle (physical abuse) and Dutch (profound psychological abuse). Even Hosea’s parenting was sort of indirect and elusive sometimes. So he was being very hands-off on discipline out of a need to make certain the kids knew they were loved, and to not worry that he was hurting them. But he couldn’t do that and leave Sadie all the heavy lifting while he gets to be identified as the “nice” parent and the joybringer, and the two of them came to realize that. I’d say they’re about even now.

Who kills the bugs in the house?

Both of them. Neither is squeamish by any means.

How do they celebrate holidays?

Usually fairly quietly at home with family, but with remembrances of things dear to them. Songs and music, decorations, favorite foods, little family rituals. They like to keep that kind of thing alive where they can.

Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?

Sadie. She knows how hard farming is, so she’s up and at it when there’s work to be done. But she never had Arthur’s long years of anxious need to stay busy no matter what so he was proving his usefulness.

Who’s the better cook?

They’re both pretty decent at it. Sadie actually likes cooking, but she doesn’t like being expected to do it just because she’s a woman, so she’s rather protective of that notion. Arthur came to it late, as kitchen duty was one of the first light jobs a TB patient at Las Hermanas could have after being allowed off total bed rest. Given how bored he was by then, cooking became something really exciting, and he found out he actually enjoyed it, both the kind of soothing ritual of all those steps, and then producing something tangible by it.

#arthur morgan #sadie adler #sadithur #rdr2 #ship overview meme #actuallyhansolo

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tragedestined-a · 3 years

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Headcanons about Nagamasa's Parents !

Nagamasa's mother —– Ono-dono ( 小野殿 ) / Ako ( 阿古 )

She’s originally from the Iguchi family. Her father (Iguchi Keigen) was the retainer and right-hand man of Hisamasa’s father (Azai Sukemasa), so it was natural that Ako and Hisamasa were married, given the friendship between their fathers and to keep the ties between their two clans strong.

Ako married Hisamasa when she was 14-15 years old, and when Hisamasa was 15-16 years old.

She had her first daughter (later known as Kyogoku Maria) a couple years after getting married.

Ako has a good relationship with Hisamasa’s eldest illegitimate daughter / Sukemasa’s adopted daughter Aku ( 阿久 ) / Shoankenkyu ( 昌安見久尼 ). Since they’re only nine years apart in age, Ako views Aku as something akin to a younger sister.

She also has an older brother, two younger sisters, and one younger brother who are related to her by blood?

As a teenager / young adult, Ako had a very positive and somewhat easily excited personality, but she was also very sheltered and naïve about some things.

Ako quickly developed romantic feelings for Hisamasa when she first married him. When she looks back on that time now, she realizes this was mostly just her being excited to be married (and to be the first daughter in her family to be married).

Several years of being a hostage and raising Saruyashamaru (little Nagamasa) all by herself forced her to mature quickly and learn to always be on the lookout for danger. She returns to the Azai as a cautious, wise-beyond-her-years woman, although she still retains some of her optimism.

Ako can’t help but wonder whether she could’ve curbed Maria’s cruel / selfish tendencies if she had been there to guide her when she was growing up.

Ako’s strongest bond is with Nagamasa, and Nagamasa is in turn very close to his mother, since the two of them only had each other to rely on during their time as hostages. Because of this, Ako is probably the only person in the Azai clan who has even a suspicion that Nagamasa’s time as a hostage was traumatic for him. Even though he doesn’t “act traumatized”, she believes that if he hadn’t been a hostage, his personality probably would’ve been very different. She worries about how much his time as a hostage has affected him and wonders whether she could’ve done more to protect him.

Ako currently has mixed feelings towards Hisamasa. Being a hostage for eight years (and, at times, fearing for her life and/or her son’s life) was a traumatic experience for her and she’ll probably never completely forgive Hisamasa for giving her to the Rokkaku as a hostage. In addition, she’s very hurt that he slept around during this time. However, Ako also wonders if Nagamasa’s actions towards Hisamasa (forcing him to retire and exiling him) were too harsh. In the end, though, she’s fine with the status quo of Nagamasa being in charge and Hisamasa being exiled. Ako could end up befriending Hisamasa, but there’s no chance that she’d fall in love with him again.

Ako was initially nervous about Nagamasa getting married, both because she had a feeling that he couldn’t deal with a loveless political marriage like she could, and because she was worried that he’d be too harsh on his future wife and scare her off. But she’s glad to see that a warm, loving relationship is slowly but surely blossoming between Oichi and Nagamasa.

Ako has interacted with Oichi in-person several times since Nagamasa’s marriage. She sees her younger self in Oichi a little bit, and tries to encourage her to be more confident and more open about her emotions with Nagamasa. However, Oichi’s Dark Hands and the “Demon King” side of Oichi’s personality seriously creep Ako out. XD So she mostly interacts with Oichi as a penpal, and the two of them send letters to each other on a regular basis.

Nagamasa built her a place specifically for her to live called 阿古の邸 (Ako’s Residence?), which is where she lives most of the time. It’s a quiet, peaceful place where her servants wait on her and treat her like she’s the owner of the residence, and because of this, she’s really mellowed out and come to peace with a lot of what’s happened to her. Despite only being in her late 30s / early 40s, she kind of lives and acts like a grandma now. XD

Ako ends up meeting a very terrible end. During the same month that Nagamasa dies (but before he dies), Ako gets captured by the Oda army. Over the course of a few days, each of her fingers are cut off, and then she dies.

Nagamasa's father —– Azai Hisamasa ( 浅井久政 )

Eldest son of Azai Sukemasa and the second-generation head of the Azai family.

Hisamasa is supposedly a legitimate child of his father Sukemasa, but there have been rumors ever since he was young that he’s the son of Sukemasa’s concubine. These rumors have followed him into adulthood.

Has four younger half-brothers (if the rumors are to be believed, one is his full brother), three younger sisters (half-sisters?), and two younger half-sisters.

Hisamasa resents his father for multiple reasons, some of which are obvious and others which are less so. One reason is that others often compare him to his father, Sukemasa, and consider him to be cowardly and foolish while they consider his father to be a brave, skilled warrior. He feels that they tend to ignore the talents he does have while putting his father on a pedestal. Another reason is that Sukemasa was tough on Hisamasa, since he was the eldest son and Sukemasa wanted him to be the Azai clan’s next leader. A third reason is that Sukemasa refused to confirm who Hisamasa’s birth mother actually is, even to his own son. The circumstances of Aku’s conception and birth also cause Hisamasa to bear a grudge against his father.

As a young man, Hisamasa seems like a good-natured and friendly young man, if a bit shy. However, on the inside, he’s very stressed and bears grudges against his father and some of his father’s men.

Sukemasa died when Hisamasa was 16 years old, not long after Hisamasa married Ako. When Sukemasa died, Hisamasa had trouble inheriting the title of clan leader. Sukemasa’s son-in-law, along with the Kyogoku clan, tried to start a rebellion so that Sukemasa’s son-in-law could inherit the position instead. However, Hisamasa and his retainers talked him out of it.

As he grows up (and especially after Sukemasa’s death), Hisamasa loses the shyness and becomes very extroverted. To deal with his stress, he invests himself in culture and the arts —– Noh theater, renga, falconry, etc. He’s interested in trying all sorts of things!

However, no matter how many years pass, Hisamasa has little aptitude for fighting and battle strategy. His true talents lie in domestic policy and diplomacy —– he can be a very smooth talker and somewhat manipulative, especially in his later years. Even while he’s “retired” and exiled on Chikibu Island, he still exerts some influence over the Azai clan.

Sending his wife as a hostage to the Rokkaku clan was not a decision he took lightly, and it pained him deeply to make it. However, he feels that if he hadn’t done it, the leader of the Rokkaku clan would have become upset and crushed the Azai clan.

Although he tries to hide it, Hisamasa is the sort of person who constantly needs positive attention from others so that he can feel okay about himself. During the time Ako was a hostage, with Ako gone and his retainers starting to turn against him, Hisamasa started sleeping around, and that’s how Nagamasa’s younger half-brother Masamoto was born.

Hisamasa tried to rekindle his relationship with Ako when she returned, but she gave him the cold shoulder when she learned about Masamoto’s birth. To this day he’s still hoping he can win her back, and he sends her love letters every few months. She never responds back.

Hisamasa’s relationship with Nagamasa is strained at best. However, while Nagamasa hates him for being a weak leader and forcing Nagamasa and his mother to be hostages, Hisamasa’s only somewhat annoyed with his eldest son for usurping his title of clan leader. Hisamasa doesn’t understand why Nagamasa hates him so much, and he feels that Nagamasa should think more kindly of him since Hisamasa wasn’t anywhere near as hard on Nagamasa as Sukemasa was on him.

In general, Hisamasa cares about his children equally and treats them all quite warmly, showing them physical affection (e.g. hugs, headpats, etc.) and always doing his best to cheer them on at whatever they’re doing and compliment them.

That having been said, Maria is Hisamasa’s favorite child, and he’s doted on her ever since she was young. XD As Maria has grown up and become more independent (and less reliant on him for basic needs and emotional support), though, their relationship is starting to show signs of strain.

Unfortunately, Hisamasa has never been able to feel any fondness for his eldest daughter, Aku, due to the circumstances of her conception and birth. When she was first born, he could hardly bring himself to be in the same room as her and her mother. However, he’s always felt guilty about feeling so detached from / disgusted by Aku, because he knows those feelings stem from how he feels about her mother and that Aku has done nothing to deserve that from him. After being exiled to Chikubu Island, Hisamasa’s loneliness and guilt caught up with him, and he started reaching out to Aku for the first time via a letter. To his surprise, Aku enthusiastically wrote him back, and the two of them became penpals.

Hisamasa has never actually met Oichi. But back when Nagamasa first married her, Hisamasa sent him a letter simultaneously congratulating him for marrying the most beautiful woman in the land and condemning his decision to ally with the Oda. Nagamasa never replied back.

Hisamasa hates Nobunaga and feels that Nagamasa’s decision to ally with him is one of the worst decisions he’s ever made. Hisamasa regularly corresponds with some of the older Azai retainers he knows who also dislike Nobunaga to try to sabotage Nagamasa’s alliance with the Oda.

Nagamasa grudgingly lets Hisamasa back into Odani Castle so he can have him help fight against Nobunaga. However, during the attack on Odani Castle, once the Azai start losing, Hisamasa sees the writing on the wall and commits seppuku.

#OOC #long post #Nagamasa│Headcanons #Oichi│Headcanons #torture tw #body horror tw #death tw #suicide tw #(( I like the contrast of Hisamasa being a hot mess while Nagamasa's always 500% composed and prim and proper. XD))#(( Also--Nagamasa's parents' relationship is basically: ))#(( Ako: Do I feel bad about Hisamasa's exile? Yes. But do I feel bad enough to do something about it? No. :) ))#(( Hisamasa to Ako: *while trying to exert his influence on the Azai clan* Baby come back...I'm so lonelyyyy... :'( ))

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detectiveguapo · 5 years

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Emily Thomas-Galindo [INTJ] -- The Architect

The first impression of Emily paints a completely different picture of who she is by the end of the first season. For someone who makes a conscious choice to stay out of the inner circle of the Galindo cartel, an ‘awakened’ Emily is a woman keen to find out why things are the way they are. She doesn’t just want to know the details of how Los Olvidados managed to kidnap her son, their demands, or the plan to get him back; she wants to know why. Delving into the movement, she unveils the rebels’ strategy and objectives and uses that knowledge to undermine them by swaying public opinion. Her natural curiosity and intelligence compel her to reveal an identity hinged on ideas that are instrumental in making big decisions.

Strengths: perceptive, strategic, decisive, self-confident, independent, loyal

Weaknesses: insular, disconnected, overly analytical, judgemental, high-strung

Although very cerebral, Emily is protective of her knowledge. She goes to EZ to try to get information the cartel isn’t providing her, and she doesn’t tell Miguel what she knows until she’s confronted. She values her independence and freedom to see EZ and go to Santo Padre without running it by Miguel, but she doesn’t go through great lengths to be deceptive about it nor does she apologize for it. She knows her reasons for doing these things are to gather information — whether it’s to find Cristobal or to reconcile her guilt over an abortion she had eight years ago. Protecting this knowledge gives her the time to contemplate and understand the most intimate truths about people, only wielding them when it’s advantageous. For example, when she and Miguel fight, she calls him out for being abusive just like his father — a provocation that unsettles him. Her artful use of exposing or threatening to expose secrets is her weapon in a world of guns and machetes.

As a lawyer, Emily has a degree of expertise that connects her with the world and makes her feel useful. It’s important for her to have this connection because her inclination is to withdraw into herself and focus on her thoughts until she sees that she is needed. In addition, being a lawyer equips her with the skill of persuasion. She is able to adjust her tone and delivery depending on what’s called for in a given situation. When she presents her plan to vandalize the church, she is firm even when Devante patronizes her. When Miguel begins to doubt his decision to align with Los Olvidados instead of fully cooperating with the feds, she speaks in a gentle and reassuring manner that bolsters Miguel’s confidence and maneuvers him back to trusting his instincts. While she isn’t eager to take command, she is adept at reading people, recognizing threats to power, and leveraging her influence in a way that doesn’t make people feel manipulated.

When EZ says they’re done, Emily’s inner world crashes. Everything they had dreamt for the future was obliterated and she was given no say in the matter, so her extreme antagonistic reaction was to similarly deprive him of a choice in the matter of their unborn child. For Emily, it was an uncharacteristically impulsive decision that haunts her years later. There’s a suggestion that Emily’s understanding of the abortion (not necessarily the act itself but the intent) was more traumatizing to her than it was to EZ, who could understand the many reasons why someone in her position would’ve gone through with it. Emily’s withdrawal into her thoughts can lead to obsessive contemplation of the meaning behind certain actions and experiences. It’s this proclivity for reflection and rationalization that allows Emily to settle into her world and make peace with it.

Emily’s ability to isolate herself and tune out the noise gives her an advantage to focus on developing strategic solutions for complex problems. Her greatest personal challenge is to feel useless and helpless. When she’s in a high-pressure situation with her son’s life at stake, she employs her competence and skills in an effort to get him back from the rebels. It doesn’t happen right away though because of her outlying position from the inner circle and her initial choice to disengage from the criminal world. She, first, goes through a period of anxiety — a frenetic search for facts before she settles and makes better use of her abilities. Her motivation, which unfolds as the season progresses, is to possess knowledge in order to figure out and handle the threats to her environment. It’s why she relies on her experience as a lawyer in later episodes; her proficiency becomes a vital asset to the business and the newfound alliance between the cartel, the rebels, and the Mayans.

Prior to the life-changing event of her son’s kidnapping, Emily’s characterization is akin to the stereotypical mob wife’s — fiercely loyal to her family but largely ignorant of the bloodshed caused by her husband’s line of work. Up to that particular point, one can only make assumptions about her state of mind since the audience has little to no information of who she was between the breakup with EZ and the night Cristobal was taken. It might be safe to assume, however, that Miguel and Emily came to an agreement that she would be outside his “other world” to protect her. To add to that assumption, perhaps Emily had felt like such an outsider, who didn’t feel like she had the natural ability to be a presence in this “other world” because she had no criminal history of her own. Why would she deliberately implicate herself in her husband’s crimes? This led her to take a step back, safe in her home with her son and with the “good” version of Miguel. Disconnecting from reality pulled her further into her mind where she felt more capable — a sense or feeling that is so important to her.

Functional Order: Ni - Te - Fi - Se

A dominant introverted intuition manifests as Emily’s perceptiveness for the meaningful connections between ideas and events in her environment. As she learns more about the cartel and all the players involved, she seeks to determine the meaning and implication behind those relationships. Just by observing her body language, she is wary of how Devante uses his position and familial connection to subtly manipulate Miguel. Through research, she figures out that Los Olvidados is using ISIS’ strategy to infiltrate a town, and she proposes an idea that shifts the narrative of hero and savior.

Emily’s knack for accurately interpreting ideas and events allows her to design practical, effective strategies to address problems. The way to get under her skin is to put her in a situation where everything seems to be out of control and no one is making any effective steps toward progress. While she isn’t taking action as soon as the problem presents itself, she cannot sit still for long without doing anything. She doesn’t impose or outright claim that she has the best ideas, but she is the most assertive when she is confident she has created the most effective and reliable course of action. While her strength may not be in leadership — in the sense of being a commander — her strengths are in advising, organizing, and prioritizing with a focused objective in mind.

A tertiary Fi manifests as drawing upon an unwavering set of values that determine many of her major decisions. She adheres to her own set of values — not those dictated by society because Emily doesn’t really subscribe to the idea of an objective morality. She doesn’t accept received opinions, feeling a strong need to test the truth and argue the validity of most of these assumptions for herself. On the flip side, she can veer into moralizing territory when others’ values and ethics don’t align with her personal understanding of right and wrong. For example, she exhibits an air of self-righteousness when she speaks of Los Olvidados as terrorists who kidnapped her son, while she’s living on a hilltop mansion funded by the dirty money of her cartel kingpin husband. That being said, her own child was taken from her at gunpoint; it’s not surprising that she has little empathy for the rebels’ approach. Emily values knowledge because she needs all the contextual information she can get in order to justify (to herself more than anyone else) the choices she has made.

Thinking she lives in a world that cannot be touched by the world of the cartel is an inferior Se in action. It’s expressed as distrust and willful disbelief of the physical world and what is actually happening. It’s a pervasive belief that her perception and interpretation of events and people are somehow truer than sensory experience. Disengagement from one significant area of reality was Emily’s ‘default mode’ at the beginning of the series, but the expression of inferior Se shifts when she finally takes in the sensory data and over-analyzes the meaning. It leads to this obsessive reflection on the most negative aspects of her experiences, perhaps making connections where there shouldn’t be like when she thinks Cristobal’s kidnapping is punishment for having an abortion out of spite. Although there are multiple reasons why a pregnant teenage girl, with an ex-boyfriend in prison, would choose to have an abortion, she fixates on the vindictive intent and the guilt that resurfaces.

Emily only has a few people in her life she has deeply cared for, and in those instances, she will go to the ends of the earth to follow them and support them, sometimes sacrificing normalcy and stability. She was willing to stay with EZ even though he was imprisoned. EZ breaking up with her — no matter how selfless his intentions might have been — hurt Emily because it blindsided her and made her feel powerless. He didn’t talk to her before making the decision so she didn’t feel like she was part of it at all, so she retaliated by showing him the ultrasound and giving him no say in the matter. It’s only in matters of the heart where her pragmatism can wane and defer to extreme emotions. She slaps Miguel during a heated argument then they proceed to have sex. It doesn’t make sense and she doesn’t stop to think about it or talk herself out of it; she just surrenders to whatever sensation or emotion she’s feeling as quickly as it changes.

Someone like Emily is willing to work at relationships, refusing to give up unless she’s given no choice. The reason why is because she’ll always try to find a solution and she’ll always try to understand the misunderstood (provided they don’t give her a reason to be unsympathetic — like kidnapping her child). It’s not that she wants to fix people and make them better human beings; it’s that she encourages them to stay focused on what’s most important and what will benefit them most in the long-run. For EZ, it was not going down the hole of chasing retribution for his mother’s murder. For Miguel, it was maintaining and asserting the power of the family business, and she was able to help him once she stepped up and freely expressed her ideas. There’s a scene in the hospital where Devante tells Emily that she’s a little too bold for his comfort — a side of her that Miguel loves. Now that she’s settled into the life and become part of that inner circle, she has more access to information than ever before. And information fuels her; it makes her bolder.

#mayans mc #mayans fx #emily thomas #emily-thomas galindo #sarah bolger #mbti #intj #character profile #personality profile #fyna

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letterboxd · 6 years

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Debra Granik Q&A.

“I’m trying to make small films. I’m not trying to create stars. I’m trying to create roles where women don’t have to take off their clothes to be interesting.”

Thomasin Harcourt McKenzie (as Tom) with Debra Granik on the set of Leave No Trace.

Following her 2010 sleeper hit Winter’s Bone, Debra Granik’s newest film Leave No Trace follows a father and daughter who have been living undetected on public land until their presence is noticed and the authorities step in.

Based on Peter Rock’s novel My Abandonment (itself inspired by a real-life event), Ben Foster plays Will, a former soldier living off the grid with post-traumatic stress disorder, while Kiwi newcomer Thomasin Harcourt McKenzie is his teenage daughter, Tom, through whose perspective the story unfolds.

Letterboxd sat down with Granik in New York City to talk about filming in the forests of the Pacific Northwest, the challenge of filming an invisible condition (PTSD) and how she weathered the pressure of finding another Jennifer Lawrence. We also asked her to tell us about the films that she returns to again and again because they feed something in her—that list is here.

How are you feeling about the response to Leave No Trace so far? The audience we watched it with at BAM Cinemafest was captivated.

Oh, thank you. The bedrock is relief, because you can’t predict how a film can be received or understood or enjoyed. Nothing can ever predict that. What I really love is that some of the themes are being discussed. I really like that. I love that when it’s engendered by other people’s films, so of course it makes me excited to be part of storytelling tradition that would facilitate that. And I also really like that, because it’s regional, it exposes some of the glory of a particular part of the continent, and that people can appreciate it and look into it.

Thomasin Harcourt McKenzie (Tom) and Ben Foster (Will).

The film is deeply immersive in its nature setting. There are ways of filming that are certainly good-looking, and then there are ways of filming nature where you feel you’re actually in that forest, and that’s what you and your DP Michael McDonough have done. Some of our Letterboxd members (Melissa, MasterLundy) wanted to know why you’re so drawn to filming in a rustic setting, in nature rather than in cities, and how you approach that in terms of your filming.

I think maybe it even surprises me! I think one logistical reason is that it is actually easier to film outside of a city, you know? I mean just in terms of garnering your resources and keeping a small footprint… though I’m excited by the photography of the metropolis and will endeavor at some point to do something like that. In fact, in my first film, it was just interesting seeing them come into the city. It was a big deal, you know, sort of the bridge and tunnel experience was very photogenic in some ways.

I love the idea that when you film outside of a big city you can actually almost take your time more, in some ways. And I think the immersion is very related to some of the comfort that the actors can feel with Michael; that he’s willing to wear knee-pads and crouch down and be part of that inner circle of connection. Near a tent, near the fire-pit, or when they’re ministering to each other. And when that happens you feel a sense that you’ve been allowed to come close and that you’re with them.

And then of course to show the splendour and scope of the forest, stepping back and using the cinema tools that allow that: a wider lens, and the tripod, and stabilizing, and allowing the frame to be as big as possible.

So I think that outdoor spaces allow for that, whereas the indoor space is the box and the confinement and the geometry. It is much more established and familiar.

It’s cool to hear what Michael was doing physically. Quite often a camera is a long way away with a certain lens but in this case it felt, watching, that there were three characters—Will, Tom, and the camera.

At times, for sure, because the scenes were quiet. Coming in close, being very quiet about it. When we do those things we’re not using lights in the forest, we’re using all natural light, so maybe that’s also a really big help. You know, we’re reflecting things gently, we’re shielding certain hot spots but it’s done with flags and silks and bounce cards, not with big lights.

You’re not bringing in huge 6000Ks to the forest?

No, no!

Director of Photography Michael McDonough with Debra Granik.

You filmed the unfilmable in a way, which is PTSD. These types of mental health conditions, which we can’t see, rely so much on character rather than action. Why was the notion of filming this condition so interesting and important to you and what have you learned about it along the way?

I was very influenced by a book called The Evil Hours by David J. Morris, that is a chronicle by a marine—who is also a journalist—who put such specific words to what it was like to try to understand what was happening inside him and inside other men. And he also was informed very much by a woman, because another very significant sector or arena of PTSD is through sexual violence.

So, he looked back in history to how other philosophers and people in the medical and ‘helping’ professions had tried to understand it, and he looked really specifically at WWI and the poets of the UK who were able to put words to it. And then a couple of really humane doctors who were then the receivers of their words and it really opened the doctors’ minds because the poets could put such precision to it.

And so he looks at this almost miraculous time of gentle understanding and almost posits ‘can we have that now? Could we understand these ways? Could we replicate some of the things that were done in the British VA [Veterans’ Affairs] system after WWI?’, you know?

But the only way to get at this—I resonate with your point so much—is to try to extrude what is it that makes this particular person [Will] not want to come back in. What is he trying to stabilize and how is he doing it? He’s trying to find an environment in which there are very few triggers for him, where his hyper-vigilance is maintained at a kind of even keel, and where he’s very selectively choosing the things that he can still have faith in, that he can still admire and love on, which would be the elements of the forest, and his very loyal companion, his daughter. And to strip away that which clogs his system or causes such jitters that he doesn’t feel well.

So the practitioners, of course, that is one of their responsibilities. By administering certain kinds of tests and surveys, the VA tries relentlessly and tirelessly to say ‘hey, these are some things you might be feeling. You’re not alone’. They do a beautiful job in trying to put words to that which becomes one of the greatest mysteries, right? Why do we feel what we feel? How potent the brain is with its neurochemistry, and then what a formidable kind of organ the conscience is! The conscience can’t be quieted easily. It asks for answers. It asks for contemplation, you know?

So then, the story gets really interesting because, intersecting with Will’s PTSD, you have his daughter, a teenage girl, also coming of age, also coming into her consciousness. Can we talk for a while about finding Thomasin Harcourt McKenzie? She lives far away from you, in Wellington, New Zealand, and is mostly unknown outside her home country. You saw her audition tape via casting agents Kelly Barden and Paul Schnee. What was it you saw in that tape that led you down the path of choosing her?

In the tape it was, I think, the fact that she had immersed [herself] in the script and in reading the book. It was palpable in the way that she was choosing to be in the scene, and what she was expressing in the scene. But it’s very hard to tell off of one tape. That’s a very uncomfortable situation, so it required conversations to flush out the rest and the conversations were lyrical. She’s a very open-hearted person who’s generous of spirit in terms of how she wants to conduct a conversation.

So this is going so well and I’m actually really enjoying this conversation so much, her sincerity, and I said ‘wow’, after talking to her, to the people back home here. I said ‘I’d like to talk to her again because this is leaving a big imprint’.

And as I saw some of the auditions locally, I realised that some of the television and theater training had maybe taken away some of the gentle spontaneity that Thom’s been able to retain.

Because of Winter’s Bone and what it did for Jennifer Lawrence (earning her a Best Actress Oscar nomination), did you feel any responsibility along the lines of ‘Debra Granik’s making another film, there’s another role for a young breakout star, who’s it going to be?’. Or did you try to ignore the fact that there might be a lot of attention on it?

Yeah. The attention feels more intimidating than productive. So, you know, I don’t welcome that so much because I think to do things requires a lot of quiet. I think many actors that get blown up really big feel that every move, everything they say, they change their hair, oh my lord, it becomes so relentless and it becomes very hard to function within that, I believe. So I try to put some of that aside really and say ‘that’s not what I’m looking for’.

In terms of responsibility, I don’t wanna take that on. I don’t want to have that foisted on me. I need to just be ornery and say ‘back off!’ you know? ‘No!’ I’m trying to make small films. I’m not trying to create stars. I’m trying to create good roles for young women that go beyond passing The Bechdel Test, you know? I’m trying to create roles where women don’t have to take off their clothes to be interesting.

Thomasin and Ben did a lot of rehearsing together, and they had some intensive skills training with outdoor survival consultant Dr. Nicole Apelian. Without any spoilers, there’s a scene in which the weather turns cold and things become dire. It’s visceral and tense, they have to work fast to build shelter or someone could die. Can you give us a sense of what those filming days were like?

Yeah. Well. Even making that shelter is intense because it’s a very multi-tiered process. The skills trainer was on the set that day, and the trainer she’d also enlisted to help (named Alan). Ben was very committed to it. They’d already constructed one in rehearsal. He wanted it to be—and Nicole did too—a really viable shelter that would be the kind of shelter that could save a life, through just this basic, I wanna say geothermal engineering of heat retention. Trapping heat, that’s the goal. Trap it in the clothing and then the shelter.

It was intense because halfway through the day you know there’s a really big risk of losing time. And then we also had a really bad dilemma where sun came really strongly that day. The morning had been really misty and good for it, and we didn’t have the kind of silks where you can just block it out, and when the sun comes out robustly it just doesn’t matter, there’s not really much [you can do]. So we had to basically take the gamble that it was going to be the day-for-night. For the DP it was less of a gamble because he knows how to do it - it allows the illusion of night-time light.

But the day was hard. It had all of these physical things to navigate and so by the end when the shelter was built and they were finally in it, we had to do it as a rolling series, you know. We didn’t have time to do takes! They had to try a couple of versions.

I felt like a failure. I felt that how was it that I couldn’t figure out how to pace this day so that by the time they actually need to have their exchange we’ve got eleven minutes.

But you got it.

We got fragments of it that then can gel to give the ambience and the circumstances of how that night became dire for them.

Could you share with us any films that showed you a storytelling pathway for Leave No Trace?

I really relied on three documentaries as inspiration for this film and they were all done by British crews. One of them’s available on YouTube and it’s a very beautiful film called Soldiers in Hiding, and it’s about Vietnam-era soldiers who had hidden on Federal parklands not far from where we filmed, on the Olympic Peninsula.

The second documentary is called Hidden Heroes. That one I believe is hard to find.

And then I also really valued so much the work of a filmmaker called Michael Grigsby. He did a beautiful film about the lives of soldiers, We Went to War [a sequel to his 1970 documentary I Was a Soldier]. So those films were very influential.

Finally, tell us about some of the films that you return to again and again because they feed something in you.

Werner Herzog’s Stroszek. Lukas Moodysson’s Fucking Åmål/Show Me Love. I love the way parents are portrayed in that film. I love the depiction of high school, of not knowing who you’re going to love and how that might happen. I love the conflicts in there and the incremental changes. It’s just a very rich kind of social realism for me. Céline Sciamma’s Girlhood. Aki Kaurismäki’s The Other Side of Hope.

For social realism in the US, something that I’ve been looking at a lot were the films that were in the 40s that dealt with realistic looks at financial crisis, the films of William Wellman. And then I would say also Saturday Night and Sunday Morning, a British kitchen-sink film. That’s produced by Tony Richardson [director: Karel Reisz]. And one more, in honor of Ermanno Olmi: Il Posto.

Leave No Trace is out in US cinemas 29 June 2018. Our thanks to producer Linda Reisman, Miranda Harcourt, and the team at Falco Ink for interview arrangements.

#Debra Granik #Female directors #directed by women #ben foster #leave no trace #winter's bone #jennifer lawrence #letterboxd

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esotericfaerytumbls · 3 years

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***MISHANDLED WOMANHOOD & RAVISHED INTIMACY***

From Chris Bale I had a male client communicate to me today: “she’s so hard. I want her to be softer. It pisses me off when she is so hard. What do I do? I keep telling her that I need her to be softer and surrendered in her femininity, but nothing is changing.” You NEED her to be? Slow up brother! “Firstly, you being annoyed by her “hardness” as you put it, is only going to support more hardness.” I replied. There is nothing safe in your reactive judgment towards her current state of being. It says far more about you, than her in this moment. But also, I feel your pain! Lets break it down. —— UNDERSTANDING: A man who demands she be somewhere other than where she is at currently, is a man who is steering her further away from her expressive freedom and bliss. This is a man who does not know. He is shutting her down. But, its not his fault. There is not much assistance out in society for us as men, when it comes to relating with women in a healthy/supportive/polarizing/passionate way. A man who DOES know, understands that whatever his woman is experiencing, is just another ingredient in the “making” of love. Through his non-judgmental presence, he assists her in transmuting whatever emotions/trauma are seeking to clear - If he wants to. If he doesn’t want to, its best to leave her alone. Whats important to realize, is that she he is already “soft” by nature. Minus the fear, distrust, trauma patterns and overstimulated nervous-systems, we all are. If she is not willing to be receptive with you, there are parts of your being which she does not fully trust or feel safe with. (OR, she is deep in traumatic projecting, and it has nothing to do with you. She is so dis-regulated from past experiences, that she cannot find safety even within her own body.) An emotionally reactive and unclear man, is felt as a weak & untrustworthy man. Because he is. You don’t have to like it. It simply is what it is. I should know. Before arriving to my own work, I was deeply untrustworthy in my confusion and reactivity. Which led me to be grossly manipulative in my unhappiness. This is a pattern I see collectively though the immature masculine. —— FOR HER VULNERABILITY: You see, even if her mind wants to trust you, her body will never feel safe enough to fully open in your company; if you are unsafe. It will brace in your presence. There will be an energetic cocooning as a form of protection. Not because you are a bad man, but because there are too many parts of you which are unclear, uncertain, distracted and dispersive. This is unsafe for her on every level of love, surrender, and ravished-fuck. Men, you must realize to some degree what it means for her to be in a place of deep softness and receptivity with you. For you, it turns you on. For her, it’s risking life. Many times when I bring this up…men will laugh it up, and claim I am over-exaggerating. This lack of empathetic understanding will be clearly mirrored in his life with women. Deep physical & emotional intimacy calls on her to let go of control, which she has been forced to barricade up around herself, based on her past experiences with immature males - who said one thing, but went and done another. This is what you are asking when you request for her to “surrender” more. You are inviting her into absolute exposure. Based on your intentions and integrity, do you deserve her absolute exposure in this moment? Her absolute vulnerability is a privilege. Any humans vulnerability is a privilege. You are also wanting to literally insert a part of your erect body up inside of hers, in a way which allows you to have full control over how you move inside of her, in the most sensitive & receptive area of her entire physicality. On top of this, there is also the possibility of a new life being created. Which means her entire experience of life changes, and she is essentially tied to you through another human for the remainder of her time here. Is he trustworthy? Can I rely on him? Is he mature enough to be a father? Will he be there for me and our child? Does he have a vision? Will he disappear and leave me? - Just some possible questions which may arise within her experience of being receptive to you. These question may arise upon first laying eyes on you - physical intimacy need not even be involved for these thought patters to begin arising. So many women spend their intimate lives being poked, drilled, pounded, mounted and consumed s€xually - in a disconnected way. Where the man she is with is not actually present in his body with her. He is just doing her, to cum. Again, not because us men are big bad predatory wolves, but because as young boys we were not given intelligent and empowering information around s€x & relating. We were given perverted and shameful information, by a perverted and shameful society. We then went out into the world and seeded this perversion in the wombs & bodies of women. And because her very nature is receptivity, she then has to carry around years of mishandling inside the tissues of her vagina, cervix, womb, breasts and throat. When women come to me for energy sessions, the amount of pain and perversion her body has been subjected to, becomes very apparent, as she opens, vibrates, and unravels. Everything spills out into the room. In many instances it can look like some kind of exorcism. Its as if she’s been held captive inside of a tiny part of her body, afraid to feel or exist within her totality. Why? —— THE FOUNDATION: In a society which champions emotional numbness as “strength”, the only remaining option she has, is to dissociate from the inner aching & shut-down her powerfully intuitive felt-sense; for fear of it being exposed as weakness. Endless bracing. Even in love-making, most women(not all) have learned the importance of bracing; incase he unawarely thrusts at the wrong angle, causing pain. Because of this, she’s never truly being able to exhale and feel the exquisite subtitles which arise from connected & embodied intimacy. …and please, dont get me wrong here. When I speak of embodied intimacy, im not referring to tickling your partner with a feather under the moonlit sky until she “arrives”, followed by a curtsey. Im talking about sweaty, deep, primally driven, passion drenched fuck - but supported by a foundation of deeply attuned sensitivity and care towards the others wellbeing. This foundational safety, allows the intensity of passion, orgasmicness, love & primality - to reach heights never touched upon before; back when distracted disconnection was driving the vehicle. When both people are present; tuned-in to self and other, God gets to enter the room. Life, spirit, eros gets to fill the space. So please do not confuse embodied s€x for some boring-ass flaccid form of un-pleasurable intimacy. Its more physically, energetically, & spiritually orgasmic than anything else we have access to in this life. —— WELCOME HER CHALLENGE. As a man, maybe you are naturally wanting to experience her receptivity towards you. Her willingness, longing & desire to invite you in; for her to bathe in oceans of vulnerability - A vulnerability which has been, many times before you; used against her. Disrespected, judged & dropped. Based on all of this...why on earth would she trust a man who she hasn’t vetted repeatedly? If as a man you would like to be stronger for woman, for yourself, for community; welcome challenge. Welcome HER challenge. Realize that she is pushing up against you, because she actually gives a damn about you. If she didn’t, she would never feel the need to test anything about you. Once you have proven your character(to yourself) through stable consistency, and she has digested you viscerally, a deeper dropping into devotion and union can begin. (To further clarify: A matured man will not feel these behaviours as "tests" or "challenges", as they will be so minuscule on the energetic scale of that which he is used to engaging with. The concept of a women "testing him" is not something which he holds in his awareness. Also, a woman who is around a mature man, wont even waste her time trying to test him, as his solidarity will be very clear from the get-go. The above sharing is more for "middle-ground" stages.) —— BOUNDARIES We really need to see the beauty present in the opportunity to demonstrate our sharpness and strength, in all areas of life. Welcome the challenging of your boundaries, so that you have the opportunity to show-up firm and clear in your sovereignty. One of the greatest gifts a woman can bring to a man, is through exposing the areas of his being which lack stability. A powerful embodied woman really requires your boundaries and self-respect to be existing at the forefront of your being - At the forefront of the relationship. So that she has something stable & reliable to brush up against. She may also require a necessary spanking from time to time, if she really gets out of line. Depending on her general level of “feist” of course. In many cases, the insatiable feminine will purposefully do things to magnetize you into disciplining, activating & transmuting her to completion. This, is a whole other topic of conversation, which we can keep for a later date. But there is profound trust and turn-on which is built through healthy masculine discipline and order. **Dear Internet humans, Im assuming you know the difference between spanking her, and beating her - and how the 1st is conducive to a passionate, playful, polarized relationship, while the latter…is clearly not.** —— The below advice is written with the assumption that you have a deep love for this woman(women collectively), and you would like to know how to love her deeper, as it aligns with your integrity. NOT to get something in return from her. HOW DO WE LOVE HER?: By supporting and empowering her to be EXACTLY that which she has come here to be. Without conditioning, controlling, or imprisoning her. So she can come to understand & ooze her innate service to the planet. - Claiming her, if you are choosing to be with her. - Leading her with love and truth, in every moment it is required. - Protecting her. Both physically, and energetically. - Saying what you mean, and meaning what you say. - Remaining diligent and disciplined in your own relationship to life & your mission. Without compromise. - Calling her out/being real with her - holding her accountable. We love her, by reminding her of the tremendous power she is, in any moment she happens to forget it, or falls victim to the disempowering social narratives of backwards womanhood. To add to that - Making love/penetrating/fucking her as deeply and as profoundly as you can arrive to. Which will unveil & shift her experience of this life. As will her “opening” transform how you experience yours. Learn to love her, especially in her “hardness”. Especially in her anger. Especially in her frustration. Especially in her tension. Especially in all the places she has been mishandled and traumatized. You need not viscerally like it, but through showing up and loving her when she is deep in it, we assist in transmuting the collective pain present in so many women, AND men. If you don’t want to love her, and you have no interest in any of the above; there’s nothing wrong with that - But leave her alone. She doesn’t need another half-assed version of undercooked love. None of us do. If you are going to be there, at least commit to it. ---- Finally, please understand that this is a nuanced process, which has its own flavor for each individual. This sharing is to offer some experiential information which I deem as valuable sign posts. Please note that In everything I share, my individual mission comes through heavy, so I dont expect it to resonate for everybody at all times. Perfection is never the goal, but I believe impeccable integrity ought to be, in whatever we do. However you arrive to your way, is right on time. And it need not look like my or anybody else’s way. Here’s hoping what I have shared today can be of some value as you walk the path of “what the fuck is going on down here?”, and support us all in having to carry around less numbness, and more ALIVENESS. In love & service, Chris Bale

#healing #divine masculine #divine feminine #romance #love

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