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dreamkidddream · 3 years

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hello!

can i request a hc on being best friends with dazai, chūya, oda and akutagawa (platonic and separate) and also maybe being in the pm or ada? thank you! :)

My first BSD request! When I tell you I fell in LOVE with the anime, omg. I binge watched the entire show and the movie within a couple days and can’t wait till they release more! So in these hc’s, I focused on both how you guys became friends and what you guys would do as best friends. Also, Akutagawa’s part got kinda long and more focused on how you guys became friends, hope that’s okay. Reader is gender neutral and hope you enjoy! Also after posting this, I saw that these got realllyy long. Hope that’s okay too!

Possible TW: mention of suicide, but nothing too heavy, and it’s in Dazai’s part

SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2/DARK ERA ARC (I think it’s episode 13-16 if I’m not wrong, but if you haven’t watched it yet, skip Oda’s part)

Being Best Friends with Dazai, Chūya, Akutagawa and Oda HCs

Dazai

Can you say CHAOTIC ENERGY

Imagine just having a nonstop sugar rush

Actually, remember how he was after eating the mushrooms? That’s the kind of energy y’all radiate together

If you’re both in the ADA, you both goof off so much that you have to sit at separate desks alll the way on the other side of the room so that you can try to get your work done

The keyword being try

It doesn’t work

Poor Kunikida is going to pop a blood vessel at any second and everyone is so used to now that nothing even surprises them anymore

Oh, Kunikida is yelling at Dazai and (y/n) with smoke practically coming out of his ears? What else is new

Always going to the little cafe to slack off too

Messing with Atsushi also the highlight of both of your guys day

You guys have a mini competition going on which is: who can get/convince Atsushi to do their reports the most without getting caught?

You both get caught all the time (duh). Kunikida foams at the mouth for tricking poor Atsushi and the poor sap himself is ready to pass out

If you guys are both in the PM, imagine goofing and slacking off but on a darker scale

“Hey (Y/N)! Wanna know how many bones are exactly in the human body? ”

“Hm, I’m slightly disgusted but intrigued..continue.”

Also, pranking Chūya any chance you can get

You and Dazai together = the bane of Chūya’s existence

Surprisingly, no matter in the ADA or PM you don’t join him on the suicide attempts and you try to deter him from doing it in your presence at least

“Dazai, do you mind not trying to drown yourself in the river while we’re working a case? Besides, you already tried it before and it’s a pretty stale method.”

Cue dramatic gasps and antics from him again

He did try to convince you to join when you first met him, but changed his mind overtime when he started to enjoy your company

He’s smart enough to know what you’re saying, and he understands. At first, he wanted to leave this world by any means, but since you came into his life as once of the closest people to him since Oda, he perhaps doesn’t want to leave you just yet

He doesn’t stop the attempts but he does slow down on them

You still have to pretty much save him all the time still though

“Oh (Y/N)! My hero of a best friend, what would I do without you?”

And he wasn’t lying. He feel like he would be lost again if it wasn’t for you to help him keep grounded. Sure, you guys may create chaos together, but he would always keep you safe no matter what. He would put his life before yours, because you deserved it

You’re his best friend after all, and he’s not ready to lose you by any means if he can help it

And he’ll always have your back 100%

Chūya

Drinking buddies!

I mean seriously, you guys have left the bar or restaurants way past tipsy more than once

You guys definitely have impromptu fashion trips together (no matter how much he denies liking them)

“Hey! That was my last good vest! You’re buying me a new one, and I’m going with you to make sure you’re not being cheap with it either.”

Chūya if you just wanna spend some time together just say that lmao

If you’re in the PM, you guys are always working together. You might even be an executive working alongside him, but no matter what you guys are always on missions with one another

If you’re in the ADA: you guys bonded over Dazai. You were complaining about him while facing Chūya and he happened to agree and add on to the complaints

Boy was he holding onto some grudges

While you both understand that you have your own obligations and loyalties to worry about, it didn’t stop the friendship from growing

If you do have to fight him, he doesn’t go easy on you (he does have a job to do like you) but he doesn’t go out the way to try and kill you either

And you don’t let anyone try to kill him either

Low key turns into a competition

“You fight like an 86 year-old shortstuff!”

“Who are you calling shortstuff?! You weren’t saying that last time when I whooped your ass!”

Regardless, you definitely become like a diary to him, especially after you find out about Arahabiki (which he tells you about over time)

You make him feel human, and he’s forever grateful for that

Being best friends with Chūya can be difficult at times (if you’re on opposite sides) but regardless, you both look out for each other

No matter how annoying you are can be, Chūya cares for you. You’re one of the only people that he doesn’t have to worry about betraying him (what happened with The Sheep still gets to him from time to time)

He begrudgingly calls you his best friend, but never in front of you or other people because 1. If he did you would never shut up about it and 2. he doesn’t want to be seen as “weak” or “soft”

And 3. you don’t need to be put into anymore danger than you’re already in

But you already know that you’re his best friend, cause he’s yours and nothing is changing that

“You’ll be a dumbass if you think I’ll let anything happen to you. Besides, the only person who’s allowed to kick my best friend’s ass is me, and if anyone else tries to they’ll have to deal with me!”

“*GASP* you’re finally admitting that I’m your best friend?!”

“DON’T RUIN THE DAMN MOMENT (Y/N)!”

Akutagawa

Oh man, being his best friend is like a hard to unlock achievement

Congrats (Y/N) on even getting close to this man, let alone enough to build a bond

It’s easier on being friends with Akutagawa if you’re in the PM. Bonus points if you go on missions all the time

But I will say if you are in the ADA, the easiest way to bond with him is to show that you are a force to be wrecking with, and maybe if you hate Atsushi or something too lol

But: think of Pinky and the Brain, but with Aku threatening to kill you every day (spoiler alert: he never does)

The only way that I can see you guys building your friendship is if he sees you in action and how you constantly have his back

He hates it because he knows what he’s doing and he’s been doing it for a while. He’s not an incompetent child (Y/N)!

But as time passes, he slowly gets over it. Don’t get me wrong, he still claims that he hates you asking if he’s okay and telling to “watch out” and things of that nature. But he starts to realize that you know what you’re doing too, and that he also sees that you care about the other subordinates too

He still sees if a sign of weakness, but you came to the realization that he wasn’t purposely doing it to be an ass (but don’t get me wrong, he still has his moments) but that he truly didn’t understand. He never had someone show him that they care for him, and it made you heartbroken

So, you made it your own personal goal to become his friend. And he hated it

At first

It seemed like wherever he was, you were there like his shadow. Going to hunt someone down that didn’t pay his debt? You were there in the background. Walking with Gin to the dry cleaners? You were already there, holding their readied clothes. Going to try and kill the weretiger? You were waiting for him with the car ready to go.

Higuichi started to hate you, until you told her that you did not want him. You just saw that he needed a friend, and you even came to an agreement of sorts. Once you and Akutagawa become strictly friends, you could try and hook them up

You knew it wasn’t happening anytime soon but you didn’t want to crush her dream and you didn’t want a target on your head

You really had to pat yourself on the back, (Y/N). It took some time, but you finally did it! Akutagawa didn’t totally hate you anymore!

You came to this conclusion after one of your missions went south. Not only did you not get the information that Mori needed, but you came back with a bullet wound. Granted you got reprimanded, and after you got out the meeting, he was waiting outside. For you

“Maybe if you would stop acting so careless and focus on the mission, then you would have both succeeded and came back uninjured. It’s obvious that you need someone to watch over you like a child. Don’t embarrass me or I will end you myself.”

Shocked wasn’t the word. He was going to accompany you on all your missions now? Oh wow, is he finally-

“Stop standing there with your mouth open like an idiot (Y/N). You’re bleeding all over the place. Come, so that someone can dress your wound. We have more work now that I have to go behind and clean up your mess. And you’ll be coming with me, so hurry up.”

You smiled. Even though this bullet wound was hurting like hell, you were happy. Happy that, even in his own Akutagawa way, that he was starting to accept you and your friendship.

It would take a while for you to become best friends, but the way your partnership is now, you were fine with that. As long as he knew that someone was standing in his corner no matter what, you were happy.

And he would support you too, in his own Akutagawa way

Oda

(AGAIN: SPOILER ALERT FOR SEASON 2/DARK ERA ARC. SKIP ODA’S PART IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED IT)

Okay, this man is loyal no matter what

He has a good head on his shoulders, he’s understanding, doesn’t have a crazy temper like some people do, and he doesn’t kill anymore

Oda would be one of the best people to be best friends with

I personally believe that it doesn’t matter whether you’re in the ADA or the PM, he only cares about what type of person you are.

Curry buddies!

Also, just imagine telling each other book recommendations and just talking about books in general

You would even look at some of the writing he did have and just UGH

He just wanted to be a writer he deserved a happy ending

If you’re in the ADA, you guys met at the little curry spot he likes so much

You were on a case local to the area when you stopped to grab a bite to eat. You saw him eating the spiciest curry you ever smelt (seriously, you could smell it from where you were sitting!) without making a single face

When he saw you just gaping at him, he was...very confused. Until you finally asked how the hell he was eating that with no issues

“It’s not that bad, it’s pretty good really. If you want to try some I’ll pay for it.”

You took him up on the offer, cause it did look really good. And you have never made a bigger mistake than that

You had to drink so much milk afterwards

And the cook was damn near laughing in tears at you and Oda managed to crack a small smile at your exaggeration

“It’s not that bad.”

“WHAT- *COUGHCOUGH* EVER”

And that was the start of your wonderful friendship

He definitely is worried about the conflict of interest because of being in the PM himself and working directly with one of the most vicious executives to ever exist

Seriously, Dazai was still his friend but damn could he do some things that even he couldn’t stomach

And he couldn’t imagine what Mori would make him do if he found out he was being buddy buddy with the enemy

So he kept his distance at first until you saw the kids. His guard was up at first but when he saw how you interacted with them, it melted his heart (on the inside, he was still stone faced on the outside)

So you guys met up a couple of times each month in between jobs and missions

If you’re in the PM, you worked alongside him and related to his stance on not killing anymore. Granted, you both were working on the other side of justice, but if you guys could help it you wouldn’t create bodies if it didn’t have to be any

If you guys weren’t meeting at the curry spot, you were meeting about Bar Lupin

You supported him through and through, especially with his dream of becoming a writer. You even went out to the bookstore a couple of times to try and inspire him to write something for you to read

It didn’t matter if you were in the ADA or the PM, you encouraged him to follow his dream. And when he would look at you confused , and asked why you were doing this, you would always reply:

“I wouldn’t be a good best friend if I didn’t tell you to follow your dreams, now would I? You deserve it, Oda. You’re a good man, and that can’t be said about a lot of people, especially people in the Port Mafia.”

He really did care for you, and in his last final moments before Dazai got there, he thought about you, and how terrible he felt for leaving you behind.

He wanted you to know that he always appreciated you. You reassured him always, never doubting him, and there wouldn’t be enough thanks in the world for that

When you found out about his death, you were devastated. You didn’t want to believe it at first and you kept blaming yourself that maybe you could’ve convinced him more to leave the dangerous life behind and to pursue his dreams

Until you found a letter in your door, which was actually a short story written by him attached to a letter.

“Thank you for being the best friend a man could ask for. I will always appreciate you (Y/N), no amount of words can tell you how much I will. Thank you for letting me live out my dream, even if it was for a short time.”

It really confirmed it when Dazai arrived outside to tell you Oda’s fate, but he stopped once he saw you crying and clutching the letter in your hand

Much time has passed, and Oda’s death still haunts you. But, you continue to live for the both of your sakes. You even try to eat the spiciest curry at restaurants in his memory, but you can just see him shaking his head and cracking a small smile at your silliness

And you also remember his motto: limit to one curry meal per day (it’s silly, but it makes you feel better because it’s his silly motto and how serious he took it)

You even start to read more (and to specific, the series that he wanted to finish)

You see your life in brighter eyes now because of Oda. He was- actually still is- your best friend, and you will continue to live on in his memory

You just hate that you didn’t have the time to tell him how much you appreciated him being in your life, and how much of a positive influence he’s been as your best friend.

But that’s okay, because you think he already knows how much you do

#dazai x reader #bsd #bsd x reader #chuya x reader #bsd reader insert #akutagawa x reader #oda x reader #odasaku x reader #bsd odasaku #bsd dazai #bsd akutagawa #bsd chuuya #bsd chuuya x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs imagines #bungou stray dogs drabbles #bungou stray dogs headcannons #chuuya x reader

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writer-ish · 3 years

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41. Overhearing they have feelings for you

Dazzle me with your amazing words 💕

cliche tropes + prompts list #41. Overhearing they have feelings for you

Brooke scanned the patient chart one last time, feeling uncharacteristically nervous as she approached the doors to the diagnostics team’s office.

She couldn’t remember the last time she’d rehearsed what she wanted to say before entering that room - making sure she didn’t fumble over her words or say the wrong thing - but here she was, feeling like a first-year intern again who was just trying not to screw up.

Taking a deep breath, she stopped just before she reached the glass windows that separated the office from the rest of the hospital. She released the breath slowly, telling herself all the things she already knew: You’re being ridiculous. You’ve earned your place there. You know what you’re doing.

It was just difficult to coincide these thoughts with the feelings swirling inside her. Somehow, it had been so much easier with June and Baz as her colleagues. Everyone had felt like they were on an even playing field, even if experience levels had differed slightly, and after the initial growing pains of joining the team for the first time, she had gotten into her groove fairly quickly.

Now, with the tumult of a new hospital setting, the intrusion of Leland at the helm, this whole concept of “horizontal leadership” or whatever the hell he had implemented, and—

Brooke cringed, ashamed at the direction of her thoughts but unable to help herself—

—all of it was made that much more difficult by the addition of Dr. Harper Emery, former Chief, neurosurgeon extraordinaire, and - she allowed herself a little sigh - Dr. Ethan Ramsey’s former romantic partner, to the Diagnostics Team.

She felt pathetic and she felt small. If she was any sort of doctor or, really, any person who wanted to better themselves in their chosen field, she would be using this change to benefit her own position - to learn and to grow and to become the best doctor she can possibly be.

Instead, she was acting like she used to act in middle school, when the boy she liked had a crush on someone else.

Snap out of it, she commanded herself, hoping the firm mental voice in her head did its job. You’re better than this. You deserve better than this. And so does Ethan.

She knew it was a disservice to both of them, this assumption that he was somehow pleased beyond a professional capacity that Harper had joined the team.

But sometimes, insecurity didn’t follow the rules or listen to reason. She would just have to get over it, one way or another, and pray it didn’t affect her - professionally or personally - in any meaningful way.

Heaving another sigh, she went to take a step towards the door, when she heard voices muffled through the glass.

“Oh, I was going to ask—” It was Harper, Brooke identified quickly. Her voice had a distinctly melodic tone, which belied the tough, no-nonsense exterior she always upheld.

“Hmm?” Ethan. Brooke would have recognized that distracted grunt anywhere. Her heart swooped a little at the sound of him, like it always did.

“Are you free tonight to go over the results from Mrs. Herringbow’s case? I was thinking maybe we could stay late, order something in? We could also just go to my place, if you’d prefer. I’m sure you remember where it is.”

There was nothing particularly lascivious about Harper’s comment, but Brooke felt her heart start beating irregularly nonetheless and she leaned back against the wall for support, mindful to stay out of view of the window. She held her breath as she waited for Ethan’s response.

“Oh.”

Oh? Oh? That’s it? she thought, her mind tumbling like a tennis ball in the dryer. Oh what, Ethan?

She heard him clear his throat.

“I’m not sure that’s—I mean, that is, I’m happy to go over the results with you any time, it’s just that—tonight? I actually, uh, have plans.”

She barely even noticed the uncharacteristic fumbling over his words, instead continuing to hold her breath to see if he’d elaborate. Because, the fact of the matter was, he didn’t have plans. Not with her, anyway. She couldn’t help but wonder what he was playing at, exactly.

“Oh.” This time it was Harper’s voice, slightly nonplussed. “Okay, that’s not a problem, maybe—”

“With Brooke,” Ethan interrupted. “Er, Dr. Spiers, that is. I have plans with Dr. Spiers.”

“Ohhh.” Harper’s response was more drawn-out, more knowing, than it had been previously. “I see. So, that’s still—?”

“Yes,” Ethan said firmly. “We’re together.”

“Well, Ethan.” Harper’s voice held a tinge of humour. “I mean… I’m not trying to steal you away from her or anything like that. It would be a strictly professional meeting.”

Brooke didn’t know how, but she could literally hear him pinch the bridge of his nose.

“No, I—I know,” Ethan admitted. “It’s just—my priority is her, right now. Her feelings. I’m just not sure how she would—”

“Is it really that big of a deal?” Harper responded, a bit stridently. She seemed annoyed, maybe by the implications of Ethan’s refusal. Maybe by what she assumed was a hypothetical overreaction on the part of absent Brooke.

“I don’t know,” Ethan replied honestly. “I feel—new at all of this, somehow. Like I’m navigating foreign waters. All I know is that…” He hesitated and Brooke held her breath. “That I don’t want to screw this up.”

There was a loaded silence. Then, Harper spoke:

“Well, good. You not screwing things up would be a new one.”

A pause, then they both burst into laughter.

“Remember the time you told that vineyard owner that you wouldn’t even use his merlot for cooking—?”

“You’re just mad because you couldn’t get that free sample anymore—”

Their laughter carried out of the doorway and Brooke stepped away from the wall, and began heading in the opposite direction, feeling lighter than she had in days. She bit her lip to try and contain her smile, heart fluttering in competition with the butterflies in her stomach.

Her diagnosis could wait. For now, she’d let two old friends do some catching up.

#open heart prompts #open heart #open heart fanfic #ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #open heart ficlet #in this house we respect harper emery #and headcanon that mc is a tiny bit insecure #and ethan is just clueless

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smol-and-grumpy · 4 years

Text

EUPHORIA - Chapter 2

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: He’s Dean Winchester, owner of a shady night club. She’s a journalist who has been asked to write an article to expose the indecency and debauchery that’s going on behind closed doors. But he’s also Dean Winchester, the boy who sat next to her in class. The boy who was too cocky for his own good.

Chapter Warning: Implied Smut, consent is important, feelings, Claire is 19 in this story.

WC: 2461

A/N: This chapter fills my square‘titty fucking’ for @spnkinkbingo. Although it’s only mentioned. Please share your thoughts with me, I’d love to hear your feedback.

Beta’d by @deanwanddamons <3

Series Masterlist ~ SPN Masterlist

Become a Patron ~ Buy me a coffee

She follows him, is fucking relieved that she wore boots and not heels because Dean’s fucking fast and she almost has to run to keep up with him. They go up the stairs and a bouncer opens the door into the VIP room for them when he sees his boss approaching.

It’s that easy, isn’t it?

Stepping in, it feels like a whole other world opens up for her and it welcomes her in. The air is thick. It gets a little harder to breathe. She can smell a hint of arousal. Can detect the smell of bodily fluid — the sexy kind, not the nasty ones.

The room is quite big, could easily fit one hundred people, at least, but there were about thirty if she had to guess. There’s a long couch along both walls, stretching from one end to the other, and there are groups of sofas in the middle. Dean walks ahead and she slows down, taking in her surroundings.

There are people kissing on the couch, full on making out. A girl grinding on someone’s lap who’s still dressed but the girl is naked, there are men getting blow jobs. One girl is receiving oral whilst getting her big tits fucked. Y/N can’t stop watching them but eventually, she tears her eyes away. She’s sure that someone is fucking right at the end of the couch in a dimly lit corner and then there’s also people engaging in an orgy right in the middle of the room like it’s no fucking big deal. While she stops to scan the room, her eyes find a familiar face.

Claire.

She’s sitting in a guy’s lab, while she turns her head to kiss him and there’s another woman with her face buried between Claire’s thighs. Oh wow, Y/N thought she was only a waitress. Maybe the mother wasn’t exaggerating after all.

“You coming?” Dean returns to be by her side.

“I— y—eah,” She stammers but can’t quite take her eyes off of the crowd. She feels hot all of a sudden and there’s something tingling between her thighs. She realizes that seeing these things turns her on so fucking much. Like, she’s never seen anything like it.

Dean chuckles and takes her by the hand to whisk her to another door but she’s still staring until they are out of that room.

They pass a girl sitting on a tiny desk with a laptop on it as they walk along a big hallway, with rooms left and right and Dean’s still so fast, she can’t even take a real look at the little windows with light spilling out of them. Even though she’s sure that she’s not allowed to look anyway but still...

There are little red and green lights lined above the respective doors and putting two and two together if she’d have to guess, she thinks it’s to signal if the room’s occupied or free. The guests probably have to book the rooms with the girl who runs the front desk.

The hallway is long, and there are about two dozen rooms with numbers on them and nothing else. No description of what they could find in there. Maybe they’re just all bedrooms? She doesn’t know but she needs to find out.

He pulls her along with him until they finally come to a halt at another door. This place is a fucking maze. She wonders if she’ll find her way back, probably would need to ask Dean for a fucking map. Dean punches in a code and goes in, his hand still holding hers tight as they walk up a staircase until they reach yet another door. He goes in and she realizes that they are in some sort of office.

Dean lets go of her hand and she takes in the room. There are several screens with security camera footage, a big wooden desk with a huge office chair. He probably saw her coming. She’s sure that the bouncer called him up.

In the middle of the room is a big couch, off to the side is a little bar.

“Please take a seat,” Dean says and walks over to his bar to pour himself a drink, “You want anything?”

“No, thanks.” She replies, she’s not really a drinker. She usually only has one drink and that’s enough because she’s always been afraid that she’ll end up like her mother — dead.

“So,” He says, turns back to her with a tumbler in his hand, brown liquid sloshing inside, “What are you doing here, Y/N?”

“What do you mean?” She frowns.

“It’s just, I don’t think you’re the nightlife kinda girl,” He shrugs and sits down on the couch next to her.

Well, he’s not wrong. Damn him.

“To tell you the truth,” She starts to say, thinking that it’s maybe good if she tells him what’s going on. She knows him. Dean was always straight forward with her at school, “I’ve been tipped off and now I’m investigating.”

“Here?” He cocks an eyebrow.

“I have received a call from someone who was very upset that their daughter worked here and they think that you’re probably making them do things they don’t want to.”

Dean’s face changes. He looks a little hurt. She can’t really read him though. With Dean, you only see what he wants you to see. It’s always been like that.

After a while, he opens his mouth to speak, “‘S that way you’re here? Because you think I’m a pimp?”

“No,” She says, “I don’t think that but maybe you can clear it up, prove me wrong.”

Dean rubs a hand over his scruff, thinks about it, “You’re a journalist now, right?” Dean raises his eyebrows at her.

“Yeah,”

“Congratulations! That’s what you always wanted to do, isn’t it? You were attending creative writing, too. I remember seeing you on the playground writing under the big tree after school.”

“Well, not really what I always wanted, but writing novels apparently isn’t that rewarding,” She shrugs with a weak smile. Doesn’t want to really go into detail about the playground remark because she doesn’t want to reveal to him that the reason she did that, was because she was avoiding going home.

Dean frowns but then he changes the subject back, “Let me guess the one that tipped you off, it’s Jody Mills, right? Claire’s stepmother?”

Her eyes widened, “How do you know?”

“The woman has been raging on and on since Claire started to work here. Came by too many times to get Claire to go back with her but Claire likes it here. She loves working for me.”

“She loves being pimped out?”

Dean throws his head back and laughs, she doesn’t think it’s funny at all.

“Y/N,” He says after a while and she likes how her name sounds off his lips, “Consent is very important here. It’s like a mantra we use. Nothing happens without consent and my employees know that. I would never make them do anything they don’t want to do. They don’t take orders from me. They are old enough to decide what they do or don’t do.”

“Or who they do,” She mumbles and Dean has to grin.

“Look, the VIP room is what it says on the tin. It’s strictly for very important people. It’s difficult to get on that list, difficult to stay on the list. They want absolute secrecy and in turn, they play by my rules. They undergo a tough background check, they get tested regularly, and if someone behaves just a little out of place, they get kicked out immediately. The list of new people want to get a spot is so fucking long. I look out for my people, Y/N. Everyone knows the rules and knows not to cross the line. What I’m doing is legal and I have a license for it. There’s no harm in giving people what they really want and can’t act upon at home. And no, I don’t have underage girls working for me, neither do I have pedophiles on the list. Like I said, I have employed three private investigators and they will find anything unusual if there is anything to find. I like being thorough.”

“Okay,” She says, and it’s weird. She kind of believes him. Maybe because she saw Claire. Saw how the girl was smiling while she’s been eaten out, and Y/N had the feeling that the girl clearly enjoyed being sandwiched between a man and a woman.

No wonder, Y/N thinks. Perhaps she would enjoy it too, can’t lie about it. There’s still a tingly feeling between her thighs and she presses them together, trying not to be obvious.

“Listen, what I can offer is, if you still have to write that piece or article, then you at least can do it right. I will show you everything in the club. I can show you every room. I can get you alone time with my employees and you can ask them questions. I’m not hiding anything.”

“Okay, that sounds fair.”

“There’s one condition.”

“What?”

He smirks, “I can’t obviously show you everything tonight, because we’re open and it’s not long before all the rooms will be occupied. I want you to come in another day before the club opens, I can show you around then.”

“Yeah, okay.” She agrees.

“Great,” He says and he stands up after they agree on it and exchange numbers, waiting for her to do the same, “Come on, I’ll take you back. I have a meeting to attend.” He places a hand on the small of her back and ushers her to the door. Dean leans down to whisper into her ear, “And try not to get too aroused walking through the VIP room, alright?”

She looks up at him with raised eyebrows and flush cheeks. He chuckles.

Dean takes her hand again, probably doesn’t want her to stall because as he said, he has a meeting to attend. He walks her to the door that separates the VIP room from the normal club and looks down at her, he’s still smirking because she’s probably more flustered than before.

He lowers his face to whisper into her ear, “You’re turned on, aren’t you?”

Ugh, she hates that he knows.

Y/N doesn’t say anything though, instead she looks down and gnaws on her bottom lip.

He chuckles and tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear before he leans down again, “Is it okay if I kiss your cheek?”

Wow, consent is apparently really important.

She nods her head, because there’s nothing wrong with it, right? Dean’s a good looking man, too good probably — with his suit that looks like it’s been sewed onto him — and she’s turned on, there’s no harm in kissing one's cheek.

Dean smiles, a breath of hot air hits her skin and he leans down, kisses her cheek. His lips feel soft on her skin, his scruff a little on the rougher side but it’s nice. It makes her heart flutter, the tingling feeling between her legs intensifies.

“You’re still as cute as I remember,” Dean whispers before he stands up straight and has to clear his throat after.

Y/N doesn’t say anything, she can’t because she’s too flustered.

“See you soon, Y/N.” He smiles that easy smile of his before he opens the door and closes it behind her.

Dean hurries back into his office, ignoring a woman who called out for him to join them. It’s one of his employees, he guesses, but he doesn’t look. He thinks it’s kind of stupid too, because he never did join in, what makes them think that he would now.

Well, having a boner, yeah, maybe that gave it away, and his dress pants don’t really conceal much, he realizes when he looks down on himself as he makes his way back.

He sits back into his chair at his desk, pulls up some camera footage to watch her over his monitor. He watches her until she leaves.

When she’s gone, Dean sighs and bends down, leaving his forehead on his desk.

Fuck.

He never thought that he'd meet her again in his life. Never thought that she’d be the one looking out for him. And now that she’s here, he feels things that he had buried deep within himself.

It’s a stupid high school crush, he tries to tell himself. She’s probably changed and so had he, right?

Yeah, right. She changed. She’s even cuter now and she has something vulnerable about her. Something that wakes the protective instincts in him. He senses that there’s more to the girl with no friends in high school, more to the girl who turned him down when he was about to ask her out to prom — which he didn’t want to attend in the first place but if she would have wanted to, he would have taken her out. There’s something about her that makes him want to know more, makes him want to know what and who hurt her. If it was a guy, Dean would also like to rip that guys fucking lungs out.

But there’s also something about her that shows that she became a strong woman. She was holding eye contact when he talked to her, something she never did while in school. He also didn’t feel like she was intimidated by him, which speaks volumes because most people are.

She’s something he’d like to explore, he can’t lie about that. His body can’t lie about that either, apparently, because he popped a boner as soon as he kissed her cheek, which never happened and he thinks it’s stupid. He’s not a fucking teenager anymore, he thinks that he should be able to control himself better.

It’s stupid of him though, to tell her that he wants to show her everything. He doesn’t even know what to show her, where to fucking start. All he knew at that moment was that he wanted to see her again and him showing her his club was just a lame excuse on his part. He doesn’t think that her article would harm him. He told her the truth when he said that he has got nothing to hide.

Now if he could get his dick in check when she shows up next, that would be fabulous.

Of course the meeting was a lie. He just didn’t know how he could be around her without ripping the clothes from her body. He needs time to think about his next moves. Time to train his body to not act like a seventeen years old when he’s around her.

Chapter 3

#euphoria #spnkinkbingo #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #dean winchester fic #dean winchester fan fic #dean winchester fan fiction #nathalie writes

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oneweekoneband · 3 years

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i didn’t though

youtube

When I was twenty and tractable I listened to “Treacherous” and I believed Taylor Swift was telling me something, because “I’ll do anything you say / If you say it with your hands”, is not content meant for straight people, even though legally they, too, are allowed to hear it, and they do generally have hands. When Taylor Swift drank beers with Karlie Kloss at a Knicks game in 2014, I believed she was telling me something even more forcefully, because, really, why be at Knicks game if not just to kill time politely before fucking whoever you’re there with. When reputation was released and it contained “Dress”, a song about buying a certain item of clothing to look good for a person you love specifically not “like a best friend” so that after “all the pining and anticipation” they can remove it from your body and you can drink wine together in the bath, I believed Taylor was screaming a confession at me, and I was more than ready to receive it. When I heard from multiple sources just last year, amidst the aggressive rainbow-deluge of the Lover promo cycle, an ultimately false rumor that said Taylor was going to come out in a Rolling Stone cover story I, somehow, incredibly, brain as smooth as a baby’s ass, believed that too.

I have believed a lot of things. And it’s a nice diversion, to believe like that. But, more recently, I’ve found that the detective in me has turned away from this one. The only facts I’ll ever know about Taylor Swift are those she wishes to share, and speculating about what secrets she may or may not be hiding is a distraction from the real, joyful work of appreciating all these already literally, unequivocally, very gay songs. I’ve found, well, that I just don’t care anymore, which sucks, as I detest the squirmy idea that I might be growing as a person. But the truth is one really can write extremely, objectively homoerotic love songs yet be, for all intents and purposes, terminally straight. And like that poignant tweet about Lin Manuel Miranda tells us, you can seem gay, because of, like, your whole deal, and then it turns out you’re just annoying. You can even have a torrid love affair with your one-time supermodel best friend and in the end just want to marry some guy from The Favourite (Allegedly from The Favourite. I have seen that film three times and could not pick that man out of a lineup if my life depended on it.) and maybe there’s nothing to announce to anybody about it at all. Sexuality is complex and personal, and Taylor’s own sexuality doesn’t much matter to me, outside of how I always think it’s nice to know there’s yet another bisexual white woman out here in the world being even more irritating than me. (I say this strictly in terms of labeling; it ought to go without saying that Taylor’s various psychosexual obsessions with things like Amy from Gone Girl, and The Kennedys, and her house in Rhode Island matter to me immensely.) It doesn’t matter because it has no bearing on the fact that she keeps dropping queer classics.

Anyway, yeah, most good Taylor Swift songs are gay, just like most good things, generally, and there’s a number of viable picks on folklore, except not “betty”, no matter what the collective banshee’s wail of the Internet tells you. The gayest thing about “betty” is that it’s Taylor putting herself in the mind of a skateboarding teenage boy, which, yes, admittedly, is a big homo vibe, but nowhere in or around this song are any people of the same gender identity smashing bathing suit parts together, or even thinking about doing so, and when there are so many better options available, I feel it is prudent that we have just the barest hint of standards. As queerness itself is malleable, wonderfully, painfully individual, and comes in no one standard format, so too is determining which song on a Taylor Swift album is the most gay a singular, complicated calculus we all must do for ourselves within our own hearts, and, of course, there are no wrong answers, unless it so happens that your answer is not “the 1”.

“the 1” made me lose my grip for a moment. A cool lament, calmly wrenching, right off it was sucking out my bone marrow and I wasn’t able to name why. (Well, except, obviously, that the twin unit of, “You know the greatest films of all time were never made,” and “You know the greatest loves of all time are over now,” is pure, not from concentrate, peak embarrassing & devastating & all the more embarrassing for being so devastating Swiftian lyricism.) Finally, weeks after the release, out walking the streets of Los Angeles midday, masked and fractious, lower back sticky, brain a little mean, buying a soda at the gas station just to talk to someone, it came to me that “the 1” is a spiritual sequel to Red’s drum-heavy forever banger “Holy Ground”. The Taylor of “Holy Ground” reminisces frantically about a lost love, some near-miss from youth. That drumbeat is a racing heart. The animating nervousness of “Holy Ground”, the way you can almost hear the narrator’s limbs flapping wildly against her body when she says that she’s dancing, has from the beginning marked this song to me as a story of looking back on some sort of formless and magical teenaged queer encounter. “Holy Ground” is looking at a precious memory like it’s a firefly in cupped hands—small and special and easy to lose—being not entirely certain what the memory means, since whatever it was that happened back then, you never really talked it out. “Holy Ground” is about a love that for all its vitality did not work out, but it is appreciative rather than sad. “But sometimes I wonder how you think about it now,” Taylor sings, “and I see your face in every crowd.”

“But we were something, don’t you think so?” asks “the 1”, imploring an ex to confirm her version of events, to agree that she’s remembering it right. Taylor has not ever struggled in her work with place and the self and matching the two against one another on the wriggling timeline of the human life. I was there I was there I was there. The question here is something else. Not was it real, but was it real to you, and do you remember now what that was like. Do you remember who I was then? What we were? The truth as it pertains to the heart of another is guesswork at best, and a troublesome kind. Memories break and bend, or weren’t even recorded right to begin with, every brain a dirty liar, and for two separate, imperfect creatures to share the responsibility of preserving one history together is a disaster. The hard facts then are grounding. Essential. “I thought I saw you at the bus stop / I didn’t though”. Everyone has past romances that they still ask questions about, yes—I am not practicing my virulent heterophobia today—but none of my queer friends are without at least one were-we-or-weren’t-we in their past, a clinch with another that was incandescent and unnameable, long over but dangling forever there loose outside the neat boxes of friend or lover. To be a queer person is to exist already beyond and without the organizing structures of heterosexuality, and this can be difficult, dangerous, but in liminality there is freedom, and in years of painstakingly debating whether I wanted to be or bang so many various somebodys I have, along the way, put the pieces of myself in the order they fit best. So then there are loves where you aren’t sure if that’s technically what it was, if it’s what they’d call it, too. Or loves that were undeniably real, only we were too busy back then with trying to turn into ourselves to keep it. And loves from the very start, from walking together on colt legs, exuberant and unprepared, and the memory is a blessing, and the memory is guilt.

“the 1”, to the ear, is softer and slinkier than “Holy Ground”, but the lyrics are dismantling. “Holy Ground” says, “And darling, it was good / Never looking down”. Full of longing, but cheerful and sure. “the 1” is older, resigned. On “the 1” Taylor mourns a love not only because it has ended, but because she can sense, from the safety of time’s remove, that it was a love which deserved better, could have been better, if things had been only a little different, if they’d felt brave enough to try just a little more. In this version of nostalgia, the golden haze of “Holy Ground” is ribboned by a vaporous shame, a regret. The song relates a story of a love that is farther out of reach and meant more than what the little girl of “Holy Ground” could have dreamt. “In my defense I have none / for digging up the grave another time / but it would’ve been fun / if you would’ve been the one”.

#taylor swift #folklore

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affidecrystal · 3 years

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Two Lines

I wrote this drabble years ago on my old blog. I just found it in my Google Docs and decided to release it on my new blog!

Rey frowned at the pregnancy test on her bathroom counter, her eyes following the line of liquid as it moved across the oval window in the center of the white stick. It took a moment before the test line began to develop, bleeding a pink vertical stripe that let her know that it was working. Swallowing hard, she offered a silent prayer before shakily reaching for her phone and setting her timer.

Three minutes.

Three long, torturous minutes.

How many times had Rey done this? At this point, she had lost count. It had been an agonizing ten months. Who knew getting pregnant was so difficult? She definitely didn’t. She figured all it would take is one night of crazy, unprotected sex and bam! Ben would knock her up. Boy was she wrong.

It was almost laughable how scared they had both been about getting pregnant early in their relationship. As if he could just look at her and she would be with child. One thing’s for sure, had she known it would take this long, she and Ben would have had a lot more fun.

Having sex for fun? What an odd concept. There wasn’t room for fun sex when it came to TTCing. In fact, Rey couldn’t recall the last time they had actually made love. It was now strictly business. As soon as her app announced that her fertile window had opened, it was wham, bam, thank you ma’am. Having underwhelming, missionary sex every other day until her OPK turned positive. Then they would have sex doggy-style once a day for the next three days. That was the routine suggested to them by her gynecologist and they followed it religiously. There was no deviation.

Perhaps that was their problem. They weren’t fully enjoying the experience. Every month that passed caused Rey to harbor more and more resentment in her heart. Resentment that Ben’s swimmers weren’t doing their job. Resentment that her body seemed incapable of supporting life. Resentment over the fact that it seemed like everyone was getting pregnant around her. Including Rose and Finn who had an “oopsie” one day and surprise! Pregnant without even trying.

Pregnant without trying. Why couldn’t she be that lucky? Finn and Rose were just dating. She and Ben were married. They were doing things the right way. It didn’t make sense.

It wasn’t fair.

Shaking herself from her chaotic thoughts, Rey focused her gaze on her timer. One minute left. A mere sixty seconds separated her from either the happiest moment of her life, or another knife to the heart.

It was amazing how she could experience such high hopes and crushing pessimism within a span of a few heartbeats. Her mind constantly toggled between joy and sorrow, giving her emotional whiplash. She just wanted to finally see those two pink lines. Was that so hard to ask of the Universe?

Pushing out a long sigh, Rey closed her eyes and dreamed about how she was going to tell Ben the good news. Months ago she had ordered a custom onesie from a shop on Etsy with the word “Daddy’s Apprentice” scrolled along the front. She was going to put it in a box alongside her positive pregnancy test and wrap it up in black metallic wrapping paper, taping it up so well that she knew he would have a mini rage attack trying to open it. She could already see the frustration on his handsome face, with his reddened cheeks and barred teeth. It was an image that made her smile. He was kinda hot when he was pissed off.

Of course once he opened it, Rey knew that confusion would be his next emotion. Once his brain started to work, she knew he would be completely flabbergasted. He wanted to be a Daddy so badly, he was bound to be over the moon excited. He would probably pick her up and twirl her around the room, peppering her in hot kisses and telling her how much he loved her. They would laugh and cry together for the rest of the night, consumed in bliss and elation. They might even make love, again. Just like they used to.

It was a beautiful fantasy. One that Rey could have stayed in all morning had it not been for the high pitched buzzer forcing her back into reality.

Swearing under her breath, Rey swiped her fingertip across the screen of her phone to silence her alarm. This was it, the moment of truth. She was fourteen DPO today. If the test was negative, then she was definitely out for this month. Aunt Flo would be showing her ugly face by the end of the day. On the flip side, if it was positive…

Taking in a deep breath, Rey readied herself. She could do this. It was no big deal. She was either pregnant, or not pregnant.

She could do this.

Not giving herself time to chicken out, Rey grabbed the white stick from the counter and held it in front of her frowning face. Pressing her lips together, she honed her attention on the results in the oval window. It took a second for her mind to register the truth. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. It was yet another punch to the gut.

One line.

One fucking line.

#reylo #reylo drabble #tw: infertility #tw: pregnancy #corarileywrites #my drabble

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chaoticspacefam · 3 years

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OC Worldbuilding Tag Pt 2!

...electric boogaloo! I’m sorry I know this joke is old now but I cannot help it, it’s ingrained in my brain XD

I got another tag for this from @a-master-procrastinator , thank you! :D

I think all my friends & mutuals have already been tagged for this one? But I’ll throw a couple out here if you want to, no pressure as always!: @mercurypilgrim , @actualanxiousswampwitch and @sleepswithvillains maybe?

Some more Saarai, because I love her. Some very slight spoilers for some of the differences in the Subterfugeverse plot points but nothing major! ;3 Long post warning again, as well as some brief mentions of Valkorion being a dick and causing a mass-genocide but all on the same level as the presented game canon.

- Saarai is psychometric and has been since she was pretty young, a Force power she inherited from D’leah’s mother, Saa’thri, because it “skipped” D’leah and Saarai got it instead. Though she didn’t realise it at the time and it wasn’t until she brought it up to her mother and D’leah went “oh yeah, your grandma had that too :)” that she realised it was actually A Thing.

- She’s not always good at recognising when a vision is from the Psychometry and when it’s just “her imagination”, particularly when she’s younger (which gets her into some trouble, see: the whole Tsâhis thing). Even after she gets used to it, sometimes it still hits her out of nowhere and if it’s a particularly nasty vision she’ll sometimes lose her footing and hit the deck - thankfully, because of their Force bond, Ni’kasi can usually figure out what’s happening and react fast enough to catch her before she smacks her head on something.

- Nathema was...not fun for Saarai thanks to the Psychometry. She’d wanted to go with them to protect them and ended up having to be dragged back to the ship and wait there because the moment she tried to touch anything there the Force went “Oh hey!! would you like some Detailed Flashbacks About What Happened Here!!” and yeah...she did not have a good time. Going to Nathema was kind of a mistake for her. Woops. (She gets through it though, Lana gets her back to the ship and she gets a handle on things but definitely doesn’t go all the way into the facility with Vano and Lana. Probably a good thing, too, if she’d picked up that toy of Vaylin’s I think she would’ve found those visions quite upsetting to watch, too.)

- She and Lana don’t share a Force bond, only because she has one with her sister, Ni’kasi instead. Neither of the twins are exactly sure when it formed, but they’ve had the connection for as long as they can remember. When they’re separated while Saarai and Ty are on Rishii, it’s harder for them to communicate because of the distance between them and Kas putting up barriers “just in case” the Sith tried to interrogate her at any point, she didn’t want to give Saarai away. They knew enough to know the other twin was probably still alive, but not to know exactly what was going on with each other until they finally reunite with the first Coalition on Yavin IV. That was the final relief for the twins, actually getting to see the other one standing there and definitely very much alive, there were hugs and a lot of tears, absolutely. <3

- Saarai is very much a “reluctant leader”, she never wanted to be a figurehead in the Alliance nor did she want to be telling people what to do, but circumstances “forced” her into the role and she had to stumble around awkwardly and adapt. With Vano gone and stuck in carbonite, somone had to step up and make sure the people that were working with Vano stuck together and didn’t fall apart (Not all of Vano’s crew disperse, Broonmark, Pierce and Jaesa always remain with the Alliance. Quinn ends up in jail after the Quinncident and Vette goes missing during one of their attempts to search for Vano’s whereabouts only to reappear as in canon later ;)) With Marr dead and the rest of the Dark Council under Zakuul’s heel or missing, that left Lana, Ni’kasi and Aria as alternative “leadership” figures. Lana lacked the ambition for it and was more tooled to be an advisor and while both Ni’kasi and Aria are bossy enough to delegate tasks, they’re abrasive and people don’t like them. But they like Saarai and they listen to her. So everyone kinda went “Okay cool you’re in charge now :)” I’m sorry, Saarai, you’re symultaneously the most and least qualified for this job but you got it anyway :P She settles into it eventually, though, but will be the first one to adamantly insist that it’s a team effort between not only herself and Vano once they have her back, but Lana, Koth, Theron and all the other trusted members of the Alliance acting as advisors in their respective fields of interest.

- In Subterfugeverse, I headcanon that Vano and Saarai share the command of the Alliance once Vano returns. Vano has the Commander title and handles most of the battle tactics and strategy, whereas Saarai handles things like conflict resolution and public relations, as well as controlling the Eternal Fleet. Things work very differently in Subterfugeverse in terms of the Throne so I’ll try to keep it brief but essentially:

Valkorion “took over” the Sith Empire from the Ahaszaai, Saarai’s ancestors. It was a very hostile takeover and currently Saarai, Ni’kasi, Ty, eventually Ni’kasi’s kids, and their uncle Vowrawn are the only four Ahaszaai left in the entire galaxy.

While they didn’t technically have claim to the Zakuulan throne, the original Sith homeworld before Valkorion’s bullshit was Medriaas (which is canon, I’m just borrowing this part because it fits in nicely ;)), which became Nathema after Valkorion did his whole “planet eating” thing.

Vano is initially the only one who can control the Throne and the Fleet via the whole “Valkorion is in her head” loophole. However, that loophole becomes defunct once Valkorion gets yanked out of her mind since it was Valkorion that gave her the ability to control it in the first place.

I’m assuming for the sake of plot flow that it’s based upon two specific “checks” and that’s 1) direct blood ties to the Emperor(ess) in power and/or 2) said Emperor(ess) currently controlling the throne directly and willingly passing their authority over the throne to a successor - which is how Valkorion is able to give the Outlander/Vano control of the Fleet while he’s in her mind, even though she’s not blood related to him.

They’re able to, with some research, deduce that they can exploit this apparent loophole in the system, to avoid losing control of the Fleet entirely and risking any of the GEMINI droids turning into another SCORPIO; and Vano essentially rescinds control of the Throne/Fleet to Saarai, everyone (including Ni’kasi herself) agrees that Saarai is the responsible choice because she’s not going to get a bee in her bonnet and with an errant thought accidentally set the Eternal Fleet on the Jedi or something of the sort.

Since Saarai has direct blood ties to the original ruling Sith before Valkorion userped the title from them, and Vano willingly gave the Throne up to her, the Throne can’t throw a tantrum about it and just has to deal with it. XD

- Once they do manage to track down where Vano is, before Lana and Koth head to Zakuul to actually break her out, Lana comes to Saarai for help with that. Ni’kasi has to stay to watch Ty and also try and keep a tenuous line with the other Sith thanks to her position on the Dark Council, Aria’s too emotionally charged to think straight and Lana is rightfully worried she might make a mistake that puts the whole rescue mission in jeapordy, so they ask Saarai instead. It’s kind of awkward and she and Koth rub each other the wrong way at first, they bicker for two thirds of the entire trip there and Lana almost throws them both out of the airlock for it, but eventually do find a way to bury the hatchet before they actually arrive at Zakuul to rescue Vano.

- By the time they find the Gravestone, Saarai and Koth have made up and though they are not yet involved with eachother at that time, have both agreed that fighting over Lana is stupid and they can make this work without making things difficult for anyone else, so the whole interruption in the Gravestone’s cargo hold, for Subterfugeverse, is genuinely an accident. Saarai heads up to check on him afterwards and they have another amicable and productive conversation and end up growing a little closer. Their side of the relationship is a little slower to form, but they do eventually end up developing deeper feelings for each other, though it’s strictly non-sexual between Rai and Koth and they are both 100% happy and okay with that.

#swtor #elven's swtor worldbuilding #subterfugeverse headcanons #swtor oc: saarai ahaszaai #sith pureblood #the outlander #LS! eternal empress #the ahaszaai twins #platonic force bond #ot3: sorry i ''stole'' your girlfriend #saarai/lana/koth #quite specifically more like headcanons for #saarai/koth #but yeah #me once again yelling about how under-appreciated and gr8 non-sexual intimacy is and how much i love their dynamic bc of that?#more likely than you think

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advisortotheadvisor · 3 years

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Matters of Lupine Nomenclature

The name Tobias Clay still felt heavy and uneven on his tongue, but that didn't make it any less his. Or, at least, something that used to be his.

(Or, Canis ponders names, and all the baggage that comes with them)

(Ao3 link)

Tobias Clay

The name still felt uncomfortable and foreign on his tongue no matter how many times he silently repeated it to himself, turning the syllables over and over like that would make it take on a more recognizable shape. It wasn't familiar, but it was his, supposedly. It was his in the way that Tobias Clay's life was supposedly his. He'd been told it was his, and he had no reason to believe otherwise, but it wasn't something that felt like his, something he remembered being his.

“So which is it?” Charming had asked the day after they fled into the woods. Their group had already started their preliminary plans for a war camp but most retired to bed once the sun set, with the exception of himself, Charming, and Snow White and a few Merry Men keeping a look out for the Scarlet Hand. He was used to late nights and wanted to take the opportunity to meditate, but he couldn't fathom why Charming was still awake.

“What are you talking about?” he growled without opening his eyes. He'd agreed to a truce because preparing for the upcoming war was more important than a petty grudge, but it was easier to keep said truce if the other man didn't speak to him, walk next to him, or generally exist within his line of sight more than strictly necessary.

“Your name, mon-" Charming cut himself off, apparently struggling with their recent alliance as well. “I heard from the short child with the braids that it used to be Tobias Clay. So which is it, Clay or Canis?”

“I don't know.”

(It reminded him of all those years ago, when that was the only answer he could give.

Where did you come from? I don't know.

What's your name? I don't know.

Who are you? I don't know.)

“Helpful,” Charming sneered. “If you want my advice–"

“I don't.”

“–I'd switch to Tobias. Canis is a little too on the nose.” With that, the other man sauntered off. Good riddance.

He didn't think about that conversation much (particularly because the day he took advice from William Charming on anything besides war plans was the day he died) but he did think about Tobias Clay.

Tobias Clay had been a human woodcutter with a questionable choice in apprentices. That was all he knew. It was all anyone knew.

Now, after being abruptly thrown into a town where nearly everyone hated him and he didn't know why, he was used to working with minimal information. But at least then there had been something to work backwards from, people to gather information from. The only person who could tell him about he had been before the Wolf was Howard Hatchett. Howard Hatchett, who had manipulated a mentally ill, traumatized child. Howard Hatchett, who had rewritten history just to inflate his own ego. He wasn't going to ask that man for anything and even if he did, Hatchett wasn't exactly a reliable source of information.

So, as he did with most issues, he turned to meditation.

(Relda said meditation couldn't solve every problem, and he agreed; occasionally you needed to apply brute force. But he couldn't physically fight his lack of memories any more than he had been able to physically fight the Wolf.)

But the magic from the horn of the north wind had been shaky at best (he knew a rushed spell when he saw one) so the memories of Tobias and the memories of the Wolf tended to blend together. Blurred faces, snatches of conversation, a landscape he could vaguely recall, a splatter of red, blood under his claws as they tore into sinew, fangs ripping into flesh and muscle–

It isn't real he reminded himself. But he had to check. He always had to check. He slowly opened his eyes – normal dull human teeth, normal dull human fingernails. No sign of the Wolf, because it was trapped in the jar in his bag. It was actually rather ironic – something that had tormented him for years contained by something as fragile as glass. He had never cared for irony.

The memory of fur and blood still clung to him relentlessly, despite his attempts to bury the sensation. His meditation sessions tended to end like this lately, with the Wolf hanging over him like a ghost, infecting his thoughts even though they were finally separated once and for all.

He stood up, his joints aching with protest- that, too, had been happening more often as of late. The floorboards creaked beneath him- his cabin, as well as the rest of the camp, had been built rather hastily by the Merry Men with the help of magic. And while they had done that, he'd been here. Meditating. Waiting. Being useless.

His eyes lingered on the singular bag he'd taken with him and somehow, in an action driven more by instinct than logic, the jar containing the Wolf found its way into his hands.

The power of the Wolf thrummed under his fingertips like lightning. It swirled and snapped, always moving, always fighting. He knew that feeling well. Up until him and the Wolf had been separated, he hadn't realized how much of his time he had dedicated to battling the Wolf. To protecting everyone from himself. And now he felt…restless without something to fight.

His fingers itched to unscrew the lid.

Instead, he hurriedly rewrapped it in one of Relda's dish towels to ensure it wouldn't break and tucked it back into his bag.

(He was free from the damn monster after centuries of torment and the cursed thing still had a hold over him.)

He was able to not think about names or Tobias Clay for a while because there were larger things at stake and more important things to think about then who he used to be.

Meditation, his own private weapon against the Wolf, became something he taught one of his most hurt victims. It seemed irony was as pervasive in his life as the Wolf.

Guilt had always been one of his strongest weapons against the Wolf. He created chains from the faces of his victims and shackled the Wolf with them, forcing the beast further and further back with every reminder that he couldn't allow something like that happen again. Restraint and keeping himself centered were invaluable as well, but guilt was what he found himself relying on the most.

I concentrate on all the people I hurt when I was unable to control myself he had told Daphne when she had asked. He'd kept the details to himself of course – he had no intention of traumatizing yet another child – but it still rang true. His own regrets had always been what was keeping the Wolf at bay.

But that didn't apply here with Red. She was trying to recover her memories, to piece together what her old life had been just like he was. Guilt was useless, and he couldn't imagine asking a child to put herself through that kind of turmoil. So he found himself directing their meditation sessions in other ways.

He wasn't certain, but he imagined that Red's memories came to her the same way his came to him; in disconnected piecemeal, snapshots of scenes that meant nothing without context. Snippets of a life that neither of them could return to.

“What did you see?” he asked after her face scrunched up in concentration. The question was rote by now, something repeated in every one of their sessions. He occasionally shared his memories to make her more comfortable telling him her own. His (when not bloodstained from the Wolf) tended to be rather benign; sparse glimpses of a forest or a brief conversation with a stranger (or a friend; it was difficult to tell the difference.)

“I remembered something from before,” she started. “B-before the cabin, a-and the Wolf. I was talking to my grandmother and…and she called me by a different name.” Her brow furrowed, as though the memory was already slipping through her grasp. “I can't remember what it was, though.”

“That's alright,” he said absently. Red had already agreed that if she remembered anything about the Master or the Scarlet Hand, then he was free to relay it to the others in the camp. Any personal memories, though, he kept to himself until she felt like sharing them with anyone else. But that also meant Charming would be breathing down his neck about this as though recovering memories taken by powerful magic was a feat no more difficult than checking the weather. He would, however, have to deal with that later. “I'm sure you'll remember in time.”

Red nodded. Picked at a thread on the pants she had borrowed from Daphne. “You had another name too, didn't you? Tobias Clay? That's what they said at the trial.”

His eyebrows furrowed at the shift in conversation. “That's correct.”

“But everyone still calls you Mr. Canis.” It wasn't phrased like a question, but the uncertainty in her voice made it seem like one.

“It's the name I went by for twenty years. I suppose it's easier to remember,” he said. Red moved her fingers to a different thread. “And believe me, child, there are far more important things to worry about than my name.”

She was quiet for a moment before speaking, her voice still soft. “I don't think that means it's not important at all. My memories are important to me, even if they don't help us find the Master. Your name is allowed to be important to you.”

Though it was wavering, it was the most conviction he'd ever seen her display. It was also the first time she'd ever openly disagreed with him. He was, oddly enough, a little proud of her, of her small act of bravery despite how meek it was.

He sent her away after that, telling her that they're done for the day and could resume tomorrow if she wanted to. The door closed behind her, as quiet as she was, and he was left alone with his thoughts.

Tobias Clay.

The name still didn't feel right. He thought of it every once in a while, when one of his memories was particularly clear or unusual, but it still held no real familiarity to him. It still felt empty, like something that belonged to a stranger and not himself.

But wasn't that the point of names? To be given meaning, rather than have meaning inherently buried within them? Could he arbitrarily decide that this name meant nothing, considering that Canis had meant nothing to him as well at some point?

The shadows on the floor grew longer as he found himself with no answers.

(Wolf was the only name he would never have any doubts about. It had been a monster, a being capable only of bloodlust and destruction. He couldn't erase what he'd done, but he'd be damned if he let that monster dig its claws any deeper into his life.

Hamstead had been the single exception, in that the name had been used with a kind of respect. He'd done the same with ‘Pig.’ It was a reciprocal acknowledgment of their shared past.

Coming from Hamstead, it was the only time he didn't hate the name.)

It wasn't until after the war that somebody brought up the topic of his name again. Because, while Canis was familiar and it was something he remembered, he wasn't sure if it qualified as his any more than Tobias Clay.

Canis had been, as Relda phrased it, a “place-holder name" that was only supposed to last until they found who he really was. And he wasn't a fool – he knew exactly where she'd gotten it from and what it meant. For all of Relda Grimm's strengths, subtlety wasn't one of them. It had been a temporary name at best. And now, nearly two decades later, he finally had the answer to the question he hadn't even been sure could be answered.

In theory, Tobias was better. Canis may have been familiar, but it was also irrevocably linked to the Wolf. Everyone (himself included) had believed that Canis and the Wolf were interchangeable beings, but Tobias Clay proved the opposite, that he had been someone before the Wolf and could be someone after. It was a name unconnected to the Wolf, unsullied by its crimes.

It was a name unconnected to anything. It was both a benefit and a detriment. Canis had been linked with the Wolf, but that wasn't the only connection that name bore.

The name Tobias Clay may have meant something to him in the past, but it didn't mean much now. Any connection to the name was burned away by magic, torn away and discarded centuries ago. Tobias Clay was, by all means and purposes, a ghost, someone who might as well been killed by the Wolf even if he was still physically alive. Tobias’s memories haunted him in fragments; events he couldn't remember, people he didn't know. They were foggy reflections of a life he had already lived.

The day he'd been sentenced to hang, the day he'd found out about Tobias Clay, he had asked if he had a family. It was one of many questions he had about his old life, one morsel of information he craved to know about who he had been. Nobody had answered because the concept of Tobias Clay existing was as novel as the idea of Canis existing had been all those years ago.

It was a question only he was capable of answering, though he wasn't sure if either possible answer could be considered good. Was it better to know that he'd lived alone, that no one had mourned him when the Wolf came to be? Or was it better to know that he'd had a family, one that was forever lost, only alive in his memories?

He may never know Tobias Clay's family. But he knew Canis'.

Canis was tied to the Wolf, true. It was an name irrevocably covered in blood and pain. But it was also the name that tied him to the Grimms, to the family he'd grown to love and the woman who had trusted him when he couldn't even trust himself.

It was also, strangely enough, the name that tied him to his daughter.

Fatherhood was admittedly not something he was particularly adept at. He had been present throughout Henry and Jacob's childhood, as well as when Relda took in Sabrina and Daphne and later Puck. But he was a far cry from a father to any of them. Trying to be a competent parent to Red was a different matter altogether. It was a struggle, and not one he was used to. He had always been prepared to lay down his life for the Grimms. Having someone to live for was…significantly harder.

The aftermath from the war seemed to last longer than the war itself. There were houses to rebuild, streets to repave, living situations to sort out. Everafters streamed in and out of town, a constant state of flux. Those who had been trapped reveled in the opportunity to see the world for the first time in centuries, and those who hadn't came to revisit the town that they hadn't dared step foot in since the barrier went up.

For the everafters leaving town, there was also the matter of paperwork. Passports, birth certificates, social security cards- all things needed to live within human society. All things most everafters didn't have. But Veronica Grimm was nothing if not an expert in navigating that kind of red tape, which was how he found himself registering Red for school with Relda one afternoon.

The process was a little tiresome, but not particularly arduous; mostly just filling out the same lies covering the rest of her paperwork. The matter of her name, though, left quite a few lines blank. ��Red,’ though not a common name, was not as suspicious as it might have been years ago. The real issue, however, was her last name. The memory of it still slipped through her grasp, and they were currently trying to find a good substitute.

“We could just use ‘Grimm,'" he offered as he struggled to paperclip the registration forms together. Unbelievably, arthritis was more cumbersome in regular life than it had been during the war. Relda hummed in agreement to his idea, but was more preoccupied with separating Red's paperwork from Pinocchio’s into more distinct stacks.

“Actually,” Red interjected timidly, hiding behind her hair. “I was wondering if maybe I could…use ‘Canis' instead.” She paused, as though gauging their reactions. “O-or I can still use Grimm, if you don't like that idea.”

It occurred to him, perhaps a second too late, that she'd taken his lack of reaction as disapproval. And it wasn't without reason; since she'd taken on the Wolf, he'd been torn between wanting to be the parent she needed and wanting to keep her at arm's length before he could do anymore damage. After all, it was his selfishness, his recklessness that had put her in that situation to begin with. He was clearly unfit as role model, much less a father.

And yet here she was, asking if she could take this ridiculous, made-up name and use it to make them father and daughter in the eyes of the law.

He agreed and Red smiled, soft and warm, as they filled out the remainder of the paperwork.

Weeks later, when he was forging his own legal forms in hopes of getting a driver's license, the topic of names gave him pause again.

In the past, on the rare occasion that he needed to use a first name, he'd made one up. It happened infrequently enough that it had no real bearing on what others referred to him as, but the reminder still rang loudly as he shifted through the papers.

His pen hovered over the form, but didn't make a mark. Choosing between names had never been a problem before, because he hadn't had more than one to choose from. But now he did, and was presented with the choice between a name that tied him to his family, but also to who he'd been at his lowest points, and a name that tied him to absolutely nothing but ghosts.

After another moment of deliberation, he firmly filled in the blank under Name.

The name still felt new. Not entirely unfamiliar or familiar, but still slightly strange nonetheless.

But it felt like his, in that he'd chosen it to be his, in that he'd decided on it rather than having it being given to him with no other alternatives.

It still didn't mean much to him, didn't carry the weight that just Mr. Canis did. But it might mean something to him someday, might be a name that he lived in, created memories in.

It still rung with oddness, but with each introduction and passing reference to it, the novelty wore off a little bit more, fading and waning until it was just a name, just something that was his.

After twenty years of driving, he finally received his license, emblazoned with his new name. It made it seem more real in a way, a physical signifier of the name he'd chosen. It was tucked neatly in his wallet, next to a picture of the Grimms. And there, in official black and white lettering, was the name he'd decided was undoubtedly his:

Tobias Canis.

Both of his lives combined. His foggy past and his uncertain future.

A name worth living in.

#sisters grimm #mine #my writing #ugh hope the readmore doesnt look weird

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i-write-and-therefore-i-am · 4 years

Text

One Monstrous Miracle (Part Five)

Okay. So. This one got away from me. It got unexpectedly dark, and I’m not sure how I feel about that but I’m going to post it and move on with the story. I am not a happy author about this chapter, for many reasons. Nevertheless, I love each and everyone of you and I hope you find it within you to enjoy this <3 (Pst! If you’d rather read on Ao3, here ya go!)

Previous-Next-First

Pairing: Aziraphale/Human!Reader

Summary: Michael takes some initiative. So does Sandalphon. Uriel is basically the emotional support nerd ig. Aziraphale has a nightmare. Reader does NOT have a good time.

Warnings: Okay listen closely. I have written a non-graphic description of a kidnapping, and subsequently a heavily-implied violence segment. I might be overstating or understating (please tell me if I am understating!), but I just want to keep you lovelies safe.

ALSO: This is NOT a warning, but while you’re here I might as well tell you that I have used they/them pronouns for Michael, and it/its pronouns for Sandalphon (from the script).

Word Count: 2730

(@gif, shits going down)

Michael was not stupid. They were not dimwitted, or blinded by heavenly goodness, or any of the things that they could very easily accuse their fellow celestial beings of…being. They had been paying the Angel Aziraphale very close attention these past millennia, and they had seen exactly what they had expected; the Angel had gone native. Worse than that, he had gone native and he was fraternizing with the enemy. THE enemy. El Numero Uno. The Demon Crowley.

Because Michael was none of the things mentioned above, they had quite a bit of room to be some other things, like cunning, vigilant, and good at waiting for just the right moment. They didn’t bring the aforementioned knowledge to Gabriel’s attention straight away for the sake of…strategy. It had nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that the Archangel-Fucking-Gabriel wasn’t the only gosh darned Archangel around (and that’s with a capital ‘A’, thank you very much), and so there really was no pressing need for Michael to give the information in the first place, now that they thought about it. They could investigate on their own, build up a solid case, and then work from there. Maybe get some respect around the elitist promotion trap that was their Heavenly home. If only.

Michael enlisted Uriel, knowing that she would be invaluable when looking for documents or anything paper related. She had the memory for things exactly like that. Michael brought Sandalphon precisely because they knew that Aziraphale was still terrified of it after what happened at Sodom and Gomorrah. Together, they monitored Aziraphale’s every move—although the angel had somehow devised a way to keep the group from ever being able to overhear any of his traitorous conversations with the hated Crowley, they weren’t deterred in the slightest bit. They could follow the pair, take pictures, perhaps the odd selfie when the mood hit. Michael was building their case against Aziraphale, and it was only a matter of time.

Armageddon threw everything into quite a pretty mess, now didn’t it? Aziraphale was openly discussing his meetings with his “wily adversary”, reporting on the current status and whereabouts of the Antichrist (Warlock. What a revolting name). Things were starting to get fun for the first time in about a hundred years, and Michael simply didn’t have the time for their surveillance missions anymore. Not to mention that Gabriel was demanding that they all stay together as often as possible, which was a nightmare in and of itself. Michael was rather looking forward to the end of the world, not for the gargantuan blood bath that would ensue, as most of their angelic associates where no doubt panting for, but for the endless peace that comes after a job well done.

One day, when the Antichrist (still Warlock, despite Michael’s very best efforts) was 10, nearly 11, Michael noticed something very strange about the familiar bookshop that they and the rest of the group had been watching for the last couple of centuries. There was a woman, well-dressed (Michael assumed. Angels, proper Angels, that is, Aziraphale not included, have no real sense of human fashion), practically cantering down the pavement, apparently towards Aziraphale’s shop. “No, that can’t be right,” Michael thought to themselves. Although, thinking back, that woman did look strikingly familiar. So familiar, in fact, that—

“Uriel! Take a look at this.” Michael had rolled her rolly chair away from her workstation and towards the cubicle to the right of hers. Uriel popped her head around the weird, cloth divider separating their “offices” with a curious expression.

“Yes, Michael? What is it?” The other angel asked from her rolly chair. Michael gestured that she should roll her rolly chair into Michael’s cubicle.

“I’ve found something strange in the Eden files, take a look at it.” The Eden files was their special code name for anything pertaining to Aziraphale that was not, strictly, on the books. This strange something happened to be a livestream of the street where Aziraphale lived. The woman was getting closer to the shop, although not quite close enough to tell if that was, indeed, where she was going. Michael pointed the woman out to Uriel.

“Now. She looks awfully familiar to me.” Michael’s gaze drifted from their finger to Uriel sitting beside them. Uriel had her thinking face on, which could mean one of a million different things and by this point in their long, coworker relationship, Michael had learned to just let her think. Uriel frowned slightly, moved closer to the screen, tapped a single key on the keyboard in front of them on Michael’s desk, and rewound the feed. She paused it. Zoomed in. Michael wondered why it was so difficult for the Management to install some touchscreens on the ground floor, at least for the Archangels and Possibly a few of the Principalities. They’d seen inside of Gabriel’s office (Yes! A whole, bloody corner office with glass windows instead of walls so that he can survey the worker bees in their nest and not one but TWO whole touchscreens!), after all. Uriel snapped her fingers in front of Michael’s face.

“Michael? Were you listening?” Michael, as you know, had not been listening. At all.

“Of course, Uriel. What was that last bit, again?” Uriel sighed and pointed at the woman zeroed in on.

“She visits the shop almost every day. She might be important.” Michael leaned forward in their rolly chair, squinting at the grainy image despite the fact that every angel had perfect 100/100 eyesight. They hummed.

“Yes. I quite agree. Sandalphon?” They called out the name of the coworker whose cubicle stood on the left side of theirs. They heard the familiar sound of the rolly chair growing nearer until Sandalphon sat beside the two other angels. Michael pointed to the woman on the screen.

“Let’s keep an eye on her.” They all watched as Uriel unpaused and the woman entered the shop.

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They did not have to wait long for the woman to make another move. Only a few hours later, she was hurrying out of the doors, clutching onto her purse and…crying?

“He doesn’t hold on to them long, does he?” Sandalphon remarked, rubbing its forefinger across its teeth diamonds. Uriel giggled but sobered when Michael glared at her. This was not the time for making jokes. That woman was certainly a human woman, there was no doubt about that. Why was she spending so much time around Aziraphale? Why had she run sobbing from his shop? Was this like that holiday Aziraphale took with Alexander the Great? Michael very dearly hoped not—Aziraphale had positively ruined that poor boy.

“Keep your focus on that woman. We need to learn more about her.”

The kept the feed trained on her as she made her way home. She didn’t live too far from Aziraphale’s shop. But just far enough that walking was just slightly out of her way. Uriel, the more softhearted of the bunch of angels huddled around the screen, wondered whether they should miracle her a taxicab, but she was quickly shut down.

“What, and give ourselves away? Gabriel would have our halos!” Michael exclaimed, shifting in their chair. Once the woman was in the door, Michael cut the feed, gaining the attention of the others. They cleared their throat.

“Ahem. So. Not only has Aziraphale been seen consistently in the presence of known Demon Crowley, but he also appears to have developed some sort of relationship with a…mortal woman. Once again, Aziraphale proves that he does not have the strength required to walk among them. Instead, he cavorts with them, befriends them—”

“Runs a bookshop,” Sandalphon growled helpfully. Michael nodded appreciatively.

“—and runs a bookshop. Clearly, he is no longer fit for his position.”

“That’s all well and good, Michael, but he can’t be removed from said position. Only the Almighty can deal with that level of personnel change.” Uriel reminded them calmly. Michael sighed deeply.

“I know that. We all know that. The only problem is something must be done about it. Aziraphale can no longer be allowed to continue this way. It’s heinous.” All the angels nodded their head in mutual agreement. They all tried to think of something they could do, but nothing seemed to jump out at anyone. It stayed like this for a few long moments before suddenly, Sandalphon gasped loudly, startling the other two.

“I know!” it said. “The girl. She’s important to him, right?” Uriel scoffed.

“She did just run from his shop in tears, Sandalphon, did you miss that part?” It was unfazed by Uriel’s goading.

“Exactly. It’s Aziraphale! He’s so soft, he’ll go groveling for her forgiveness within a fortnight. And when he does…”

“They’ll make up with each other. Where are you going with this?” Michael interjected impatiently, not in the mood for idle chatter. Sandalphon grinned, its teeth glinting in the Holy light.

“We kidnap her. Get us in Gabriel’s good books, get some information, and, of course, to scare powe ickle bitty Aziwaphawe. Perfect plan.”

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It was not, as it happens, the Perfect Plan. However, credit is due where credit is due, and that credit goes to Sandalphon for thinking of a Nearly-Perfect Plan. It would have been the Perfect Plan had Aziraphale and that blasted woman not been so stubborn and stayed apart for so long. The days until the Antichrist’s birthday were slowly running out, and the time during which the angels could execute said plan was drawing thin. Thankfully, the two made up just in the nick of time, so it had worked out in the end.

The trio had made the trip to Crowley’s flat, knowing that they would find Aziraphale there. Aziraphale had been flustered, but his story about checking about in the demon’s abode appeared to check out. Michael refused to take their eyes off of him the entire time. After they miracled away, they appeared in an alleyway not far from the woman’s home, and on her usual route. Michael had decided, because Michael was a little bit of an ass at times, to make the mystery just a smudge more difficult by abducting the woman outside of the home BUT simultaneously leaving a single, white wing feather on the floor of her locked flat. It really was quite devious for such a pure-hearted creature. Hmm.

The kidnapping went swimmingly. Uriel snuck up behind the woman, Sandalphon had thrown the bag over her head, and once everything was settled (or as settled as can be with a kicking and struggling woman in tow), Michael miracle them into a top-secret location. I’m afraid that I, as the author, am not at liberty to disclose the location of the following events, because of course I’d have to kill you afterwards, and I’d rather not do that.

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Angels do not have dreams. Angels cause dreams in other people, they take away dreams from other people, and they may, upon occasion, serve as conduits for messages from the Almighty, which often appear to other people as dreams. But Angels themselves do not dream. Except for Aziraphale, evidently, whose subconscious had decided to do away with the natural order of things to just…you know…spice it up a little. Aziraphale frowned deeply in his sleep and rolled over, sniffling.

He was in a corridor. There were no lights, only a faint glow that seemed to come from nowhere at all. There was one door, ahead of him, but the rest of the corridor was bare, empty grey concrete. He began to move towards the door, but the corridor seemed to get longer the closer he got, until he was nearly running, trying to make some progress down the hall but never moving one inch.

The scene changed, the corridor erupting into grey and black smoke that smelt faintly of saltwater taffy. The scene reconstructed itself as a square room lit with an old-fashioned lightbulb swinging slowly back and forth from the ceiling. There was a figure shivering on a metal chair in the center of the room, hands tied behind their back and a sack over their head. Aziraphale heard whimpering from the figure and made to rush over to help them but he found that his feet were rooted to the ground, as though someone had glued them straight to the floor. Aziraphale looked up from his shoes and gasped.

Surrounding the figure were Michael, Uriel, and Sandalphon. Michael stood directly in front of the figure, bending over slightly. Sandalphon stood directly behind the figure, fingers grasping at the sack. Uriel stood apart from them both, in the corner opposite to Aziraphale. Michael made a motion at Sandalphon and it yanked the sack off of the person’s head to reveal—

Y/N. Eyes red from crying, hair a mess, makeup smudged and beyond repair. Aziraphale felt his heart stop beating. What the hell was going on? Was this some kind of joke? A voice, nagging at the edge of his consciousness told him that no, it was not a joke. Aziraphale struggled against whatever was holding his feet down with renewed vigor. He stopped when he heard your voice, hoarse and trembling. It broke him to hear you like that.

“W-who are you? What do you w-want from me?” You coughed, and Aziraphale felt a miracle dance along the tip of his fingers. He would make you well again, he would heal whatever has happened to you. You continued. “I have m-money if that’s it! It’s n-not m-m-much but—”

“Silly girl, we don’t want your money.” Came Sandalphon’s voice.

“Mmm, that’s right.” Michael responded. They leaned in closer to you, and you sank deeper into the chair to escape them. “What we want is information.”

“Wh-What? What information? I don’t- “

“What do you know of the Angel Aziraphale?” Azriaphale’s blood went cold. He had been so close to telling you himself! After all of the Armageddon mess was straightened out, he had promised himself, he would march right up to you and tell you the truth. But not now! Not when he couldn’t be there to explain, when you were hurting, being hurt, tied up like some criminal. A noise horribly like a snarl erupted from Aziraphale’s throat, startling him. Was he truly invisible in this room? After a couple of seconds of pure terror, Aziraphale’s pulse began to slow and he realized that this was most likely a vision dream, a message from someone showing him something that was either already happening, or about to happen. He prayed to anyone who would listen that it was neither of those two options.

“I swear I don’t know!” The sound of your terrified voice brought him back. Sandalphon laughed its ugly laugh and Michael chuckled.

“Should we really be doing this, Michael?” Uriel inquired softly from her spot in the corner. Aziraphale was sure he was just projecting his terror onto her, but he thought he could almost see a hint of concern in her deep black eyes. Michael just shook their head.

“It’s not as though she’ll have very long to remember it, will she?” At this, your body seized in horror, eyes open wide in shock. Fresh tears were streaming down your cheeks. Aziraphale wanted to burn this room to the ground.

“Are…are you going to kill me?” you whispered through your crying. Aziraphale held his breath to listen for the answer:

“Oh, dear me, of course not. Do you know how much paperwork that would be? Oh no. Definitely not killing you. As long as you give us the information we need.” Came Michael’s reply.

Aziraphale felt that old rage bubble up inside him, and his sword hand itched, as though the missing sword were a missing limb instead. He took a deep breath and clenched his hands into fists. He would not debase himself in such an appalling manner. He had grown since those days, and he would not be brought to his knees by a dream.

“I told you, I don’t know anything!” you pleaded desperately. The room was beginning to fade away, smoke swirling at the edges, illuminated by the swinging bulb. Aziraphale cried out, reaching out for you only to be met with empty air.

“Oh, we’ll see about that, now, won’t we?”

The last thing Aziraphale heard before waking was the sound of Michael’s laughter.

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#mine #aziraphale x reader #Aziraphale #crowley #good omens #One Monstrous Miracle #michael sheen

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btsandvmin · 5 years

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I feel like vmin have been sexually involved for a very long time (since debut or before) but only recently started to realize that it was more than just friendship. BV 2017 seem to have cause a shift in their bond because it was Tae admitting his feelings in a way. Then they started to be physically close on camera way more (holding hands), and now, well, they are glued together and have been for the past few months. Maybe they are still figuring it out, but it looks deeper than friendship. (1)

(2) About BV2, it’s been discussed before by many that there was an awkward tension between Vmin in 2017 and some part of 2018. To me, it could be that they were trying to work out their relationship… If there was no label to it before, but one was ready to be more involved, it was probably hard to deal with it. Just a theory though.

Hi and thanks for this ask, I always find it interesting to see other people’s views of Vmin and thoughts on their relationship. That being said, I personally haven’t seen anything that indicates these things about Vmin. But I don’t know what you base this on, so maybe I’ve missed something.

Now for me personally, if we consider Vmin being involved in some way I personally think it started early just like you said, but it’s difficult for me to see it as purely sexual. Even then the friendship they had was really strong and they spent a lot of time together, so I suppose it could have been a friends with benefits kind of thing, but at least looking at Taehyung’s behavior it really seems more like a proper crush rather than simple attraction. For example the tweet from Tae with “I only have you” doesn’t seem like something you would do with someone you have a strictly sexual relationship with. So I personally don’t think that if they already had something back then it would have been only sexual. Then at least for me it seems more likely that it was all platonic.

Also I think it’s super hard to really know when (if) they started some type of relationship, but what I can say is that there were a lot of indications early on from Taehyung that he was very interested in Jimin and wanted his and Jimin’s bond to be special. There are also interesting reactions and things they said and did, as well as members downplaying them or separating them. So at the very least the members have been careful about not showing “too much” since early on. They also seemed to always share rooms and even shower together so there are definitely suspicious things for Vmin since way back.

There are however a few things that have me wonder if they did actually start something or not, which is things like Tae asking or saying “Jimin seems to like men.” which would maybe be a little odd to say if he himself was already involved with Jimin. On the other hand he said this during I need you promo in 2015 so who knows, maybe he said it because he would want people to know? Not because he himself wanted to know? My view of Vmin’s different attitudes and personalities makes me feel like Taehyung would want to show everything, kind of shout out his love for Jimin from the rooftop if he only could, while Jimin seems much more dismissive and careful. Even back then acting crude, like how he answered Taehyung’s “You seem to like men.” with “I don’t like you” for example, or using the “your breath smells” excuse etc. It was a lot like Jimin was either endeared or annoyed with Taehyung, with Jimin’s varied responses making it difficult to read what would lead to these odd moments. He still does this, as you saw in the Rkive vlive.

With Taehyung just his general behaviour from a lot of 2013-2014 seemed to be a bit like a “puppy love” and wanting Jimin’s attention but it could very well be a sort of “honeymoon phase” as well just that Jimin hid it better. Because Taehyung has really been all about Jimin since the start and even if Vmin isn’t real the odds that Taehyung has or had some type of crush on Jimin seems likely to me.

Regarding changes in their relationship I personally think 2016 is interesting to look at, because while the moments skyrocketed and they seemed clingier than ever they also stopped with doing vlives together, which as you all know is something I find very weird. I think popularity could be one reason behind why they stopped doing vlives, it’s also possible that this was a time when they decided to perhaps let more people know (besides members) about their relationship? Which could lead to different behavior if for example Big Hit got involved. It’s also possible they reached a point here were they decided to become more serious, but like I said, considering other love confessions from early on I don’t think they would have been only involved sexually until this point.

I believe the fact that Taehyung was struggling with filming Hwarang as well as the loss of his grandmother made Jimin extra attentive and that his attempts to comfort also made Vmin become more physical in front of cameras. Bon Voyage also showed us how difficult it seemed for them to be apart and later in the year during BST promo they were basically glued together. This was also a time when a lot of people started to ship Vmin romantically. I would like to call their behavior here their actual “honeymoon phase” if it wasn’t for the fact that they did a lot of things way before this. But in short 2016 and the start of 2017 has some of the most intense Vmin interactions and super clingy behavior. Tae’s head was really only filled with thoughts of Jimin around this time.

I think Jimin tends to be less careful if he feels Taehyung’s needs being dire enough. Which is also why I think in times like BV3 in Malta he is less careful both because of what Taehyung went through as well as because he himself missed Tae so much it was hard to hold back. TImes like these then seems like they could lead to them becoming more comfortable with being affectionate in front of cameras.

I also think Vmin likely monitor themselves and for example if they notice they can get away with something, let’s say holding hands, because they have already done it and fans didn’t make a big deal out of it, I think they would continue doing it. This is why I think Vmin gradually becomes more bold with doing things. The jumping hugs are another example, if they get away with it they seem likely to continue doing it. At first they can kind of hide it behind “comfort or fanservice” until they don’t need an excuse to do it any more because people have become accustomed to the behavior. The exception here would be kissing, which we have only seen Jimin do once, and that too was at a moment where Taehyung was sad and I think Jimin’s need to comfort was greater than his fear of “doing too much.”

As for your point on BV2 and the awkward tension of 2017-2018 I see this time as a sort of adjustment period from being very used to being open and almost carefree (think BST or ISAC 2017) into suddenly having to limit themselves quite a lot. This was when BTS really hit it big for the first time, and people really started to dig into every single detail about them. It’s also possible that if Vmin perhaps came out to others during this time that it’s Big Hit’s involvement that could have lead to some changes between them, simply because they were asked to or advised to change certain things.I also think the general tensions and problems in the group (when they were even considering disbandment) could have a lot to do with how they all behaved. Not just with each other, but with everyone.

A third possibility is that they started to film Burn the Stage during their Wings tour that started in February 2017. The dates match when Vmin’s supposed “falling out” or ”awkward tension” could have started and it wouldn’t surprise me if that is because they constantly had unfamiliar crew around them, observing them and knowing it was all filmed and would later release to the public.

Did you ever notice Jimin turning around to look at Taehyung when they first were told about filming Burn the Stage and sat and talked about it? It could be nothing, but still, it’s something I noticed.

Basically I think Vmin would have to be more careful than before because they wouldn’t just be surrounded by mostly their own crew, and it would also show them backstage for long periods of time, and even during private time as well. Having to constantly watch your behavior would probably leave them strained. This reasoning is also why I think they avoid being on Vlive together, it’s simply exhausting to constantly have to be careful and watch your words and behavior. It could also explain why we see Jimin and Taehyung clinging to other members much more during tours that has camera crews filming them back stage etc.

This turned out quite long, I hope you liked reading it. And remember that these are just some of my own personal hypothesis on what could have affected and shaped Vmin’s relationship and behavior. But it’s way too difficult to know anything for sure since we definitely don’t get the full picture.

Thanks for reading! :)

#vmin #vmin analysis #btsandvmin #btsandvmin answers #btsandvmin ask #my post #vmin timeline #vmin sexuality

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caterinasingh · 4 years

Text

Speed Meet | Cat & Frankie

@vpholloway

Valentine’s Event, 2020

Note: Each paragraph switches perspective, starting with Caterina

Once again, the buzzer rang, indicating it was time to move on. Caterina gave a wave to the previous person, (rather relived they were leaving - they seemed unable to stop talking about themselves) and readied to meet someone else. A person sat across and Caterina put on a smile, reading over the name. "Good evening, my name is Caterina. How are you enjoying your evening so far?"

Frankie settled in across from the woman and set xir jacket over the back of the chair. She had been vaguely familiar at first, but from the name Frankie was almost certain that they had went to high school together. "Hello. It's Cat Singh, right? I'm Frankie." Xe returned the smile. This event was just as much catching up with people as meeting new ones for Frankie. "And my evening is going great. How about yours?"

The woman blinked in surprise when the other could pull out her name, but then dismissed it. She did write for the paper after all. But there was something about the other seemed familiar. "Yes, that is correct! Have you read some of my articles before?" she questioned, trying to get to the root of why xe knew her full name. "That is great to hear. It has certainly been entertaining, although part of me wishes I could bow out for a minute to people watch, you know what I mean?"

Frankie thought for a moment. "Most likely, but I recognize you from high school. I was only a couple years above you. It's fine if you don't remember me though." Xe looked around at the people in the restaurant. "Observing can be fun, but I do enjoy interacting with people. This event could use more breaks, though." "Oh goodness, I didn't remember you. I feel like I should have. You're an administrator at Edgewood High now, aren't you?" Caterina felt a bit guilty about that, but she had a fairly small circle of actual friends in high school. "I agree. It feels like a whirlwind, I can hardly remember the details of everyone I have met. Regardless, what brings you to this event?" Xe nodded. "That's correct. I'm the Vice Principal now." Xe really wasn't offended to not be remembered, but would take this opportunity to catch up. "I don't think anyone in here expects you to remember what their favorite food or animal is. I'm just here to see new faces around town and catch up with others. It's a fun idea for Valentine's day to have platonic meetings as well." "Is it odd being the Vice Principal of the school you attended?" she couldn't resist the question. Caterina could hardly imagine stepping foot back on the school grounds now. "That's very true. It's all about seeing if there's any chemistry - platonic or romantic. I must say, some of the men here have no idea how to talk to woman, oof," she added in a hushed tone. "I agree. I prefer it to a Valentine's day dance." "In a way, yes, but I no longer remind myself of high school every day. Now it's work." Frankie snorted. "Few do." Regardless of xir gender identity, many men interacted with xim as a cis female. "I don't think they've had a Valentine's Day dance here in years." "Really? How long did it take for that separation to occur?" Caterina couldn't help but snicker in agreement at xir comment. She'd dealt with plenty terrible flirting today. "Really? I remember it was nearly an annual thing during our high school years, but I only recently moved back. Guess I've been out of the loop." "Well, college sure helped. But even when I got back to Ashwood, I guess a few years?" Frankie wished that xir mother had been around to discuss xir decisions and experiences going into education. "I think it was because of a big fight that happened at the dance a few years ago. Some people ran into their ex's and the situation really escalated." Frankie was glad xe hadn't been there. "Where have you been?" Caterina gave a nod at that. Still not something she could wrap her mind around, but that wasn't what she wanted to learn about zim. "Another fight at a dance? This town is really not meant to have formal dances." But now she wanted to know who had started the fight. Maybe she could dig up an old article. "Oh, I've been all over. Mostly in California, but I was in Eastern Europe for some time as part of the Peace Corps. What did you do before becoming the vice principal at the high school?" "Apparently not," Frankie conceded. "Wow, that's really cool. To be honest, I haven't left Edgewood much. I just went to college for education and started working right away. What got you into journalism?" The woman grinned at their compliment. "Thank you. Oh, travel is amazing if you can do so. It really helps expand your world view. Part of it was travelling and meeting so many interesting people. Another part was frustration with how the truth can be obscured...or glossed over for preferable tales. I think it is important the truth be told...but what about you?" "I think it's important that people take the opportunities to see the world when they can. Sometimes Edgewood feels like its own little world." That wasn't always a negative thing, though. Some people had completely fulfilling lives in their hometowns. "I'm sure you see a lot of misinformation in your field. It's great that you are driven to fight that, though. As for me, I also hold the truth in high regard. But I understand that truth can be relative. I was a history teacher before joining administration, so I know all about there being two sides to a story." "Day in and out. It feels like I'm sifting through lies sometimes and mining for truth. But thank you. It is fulfilling to finally get to the bottom of different issues." That was a little bit of an exaggeration, but she did still deal with lies more often than not. "I'm sure you deal with it enough being the vice principal, too, huh? Do you deal with students much in administration? I honestly never quite knew what the role principal or vice principal entailed."

"That sounds difficult." Xe laughed. "Yes, we do hear many lies from the students. Like many jobs, it's mostly paperwork and meetings, but I try to be involved with students, more than is strictly required." Caterina gave a hum of acknowledgement. "That makes sense..." there were questions she wanted to ask xim, but none she knew she would get answers to. There wasn't much time left on the clock, but Caterina was terrible at sitting in silence. "How have you been enjoying your evening thus far? Meet any exciting people?" Frankie was fine with the silence that settled for a moment, though xe was aware that the timer was ticking. "It has been going pretty well. I enjoy catching back up with people, such as yourself." Xe gestured towards Caterina. "As for interesting people, I do think that one man was using this event to build his pyramid scheme. He did make selling candles sound very tempting." Caterina beamed at the compliment. "Yes, it really is excellent to reconnect with different locals." Especially now that she had her life together and correct any misconceptions about where she was in life now. "There are pyramid schemes for selling candles? I thought they were usually for management or workout classes, you know?" Frankie shrugged. Xe would admit though that candles made an odd pyramid scheme. Some years selling candles would be a fundraiser for some clubs at school, though. "Yankee Candle should watch its back though." Xe dug in her purse and pulled out a business card then showed it to Caterina. "They even have business cards. What about you? Meet anyone interesting?" The woman couldn't help but snicker at zir comment. "Business cards too?" She eyed them in amazement. "Wow, yeah, these sure do scream that something fishy is going on. I can't say I've met anyone quite that interesting, mostly been reconnecting with people in town...though there was one man parading around as an expert in love. I'm sure you know as well as I do what that means, but from an outside standpoint, he was interesting." "I would have to say that they are well made, but the design choice is a bit questionable. I don't think they are getting a call from me." Xe put the business card back in xir purse, fully intending to throw it away later. Frankie laughed. "I'm honestly not sure that I do, but I don't think I would trust him on it." Caterina let out a hum hearing Frankie's comment. "Well...just that, he thinks he is some sort of womanizer, but he either has a lot of 'notches in his belt, because women have faked it around him', he just think he knows what women want, or some combination of the two. Either way, he knows nothing of women or love is what that means."

Frankie winced. "Oof. He sounds full of himself. And I don't see why they would think potential partners would be impressed by their past relationships?"

Caterina shook her head. "I can only guess that they think having any experience, regardless of how poor it is, is impressive." Before Caterina could dive any further into the topic with xim, the buzzer rang loudly. "Oh, I guess that is the end of our time. It was a pleasure to catch up with you again, Frankie. Perhaps we should do this again sometime?"

Frankie agreed with a smile. "Yes, it was nice to catch back up with you, Caterina. I hope to see you around."

#edgewoodevent #event: speed meet #c01: frankie #vpholloway

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boarix · 5 years

Text

Wraith in the Ruins: A Fallout 4 Story Part XIV

Gen 4

Trigger warnings: canon violence/language/gun, alcohol and drug use. Animal injury/distress. Death of named/game-canon characters. Suggestive/mature content.

Bloody Mess warning!

Game Spoilers!

Please enjoy!

“DOWN RANGE! DOWN RANGE!”

“I AM!”

Marcy Long and MacCready stood with their noses practically touching as they yelled into each other’s face.

“And for the last TIME, KEEP YOUR FINGER OFF OF THE TRIGGER! Are you trying to kill me?!”

“You just keep talking that way to me… I KNOW HOW TO HANDLE A GUN, YOU ASS!”

“Watch your language you… spoiled… brahmin patty!”

Cait, who was also taking part in the morning lesson, stepped back with an amused smile, “Oi, you two gonna snog or what?”

“I’d just as soon kiss Strong!”

“You should be so lucky, wench!”

Only a few yards away, Sturges, Shaun and Danse worked on Sanctuary’s large walk-in fridge/freezer. Duncan was within their view and was being entertained by both Panther and Dogmeat. As the argument’s volume was increased by Cait’s ire, Sturges had stopped and was alternating concerned looks toward the young boy and frowning deeply at the vocal combatants.

“How is it possible that I’m more annoyed by the sound of folk’s voices than gunfire?”

Danse, his face calm, holding a pipe wrench, walked with determined steps toward the three-way argument.

“Umm, Mr. Sturges… should we…”

“No way kiddo; I wanna see how this plays out.”

Large and imposing, Danse towered over the quarreling trio. Taking in an enormous amount of air, he bellowed at them with as much volume as if they were truant squires hiding in the Prydwen’s engine room, “LOUD NOISES!”

The resulting confused silence was so complete; it seemed as if time had stopped.

Wearing a smug smile, Danse stopped and tousled Duncan’s hair on his way back to work, “Okay, now what where you saying about condensation?”

Marcy holstered her pistol and quickly walked away toward the house she shared with her brother. When she passed Sturges, he could have sworn she was trying not to laugh. Cait was laughing and after a few confused blinks, MacCready joined her.

“Captain Danse, how did you know that was going to work?”

“I have some experience in dealing with difficult children.”

The day wore on and after morning lessons were over, MacCready surprised Sturges’s group by bringing them all lunch. Sitting together in the warm sun with full stomachs, it was no wonder when they all began to doze off.

Jerked awake when his head bobbed to his chest, Sturges stood and stretched, his joints popping pleasantly. Smiling at the assorted piles of napping people and animals he debated on whether or not to let them sleep: Duncan was using his father’s chest as a pillow and had a fairly sizable drool pool forming, Dogmeat had draped himself crosswise across Shaun, the two making an almost perfect “X” and Panther was in a cat-loaf on Danse’s chest and stomach, rising and falling with his breath.

“Sleepy synths and friends…” Deciding that there would be plenty of daylight hours left for repair lessons, Sturges sat back down and propped his back against the free-standing fridge. Just as he closed his eyes, Panther began to growl.

The enormous cat grew even larger with every hair on end. Panther had climbed off of Danse’s chest and was now stalking purposefully past the MacCreadys toward the settlement’s northern wall. Dogmeat was following close behind, his deep growl merging with the cat’s creating a sound that was almost harmonic.

“Danse, take my son. Get them all in the fridge. Now!” MacCready had rolled to his stomach and was low in the grass.

Duncan whimpered but allowed the large man to pick him up, “Daddy?”

“It’ll be okay, little man.” Training his eye just above Dogmeat’s head, MacCready could see a slight shimmer in the air as something moved between the houses. “Great. Just, flippin’ wonderful. And of course, I don’t have a walkie!” Unwilling to shoot without a clear target, he watched the ripple advance on the snarling animals, “Speak! Bark, Dogmeat! Call for help!”

Tilting his muzzle to the heavens, the German shepherd let loose with a long mournful howl.

Phasing into view, the young chameleon deathclaw answered with a challenging roar. Focusing a baleful eye on the sniper, the beast dropped to all fours and leaped.

Rolling out of the way, MacCready vaulted to his feet and ran toward the wall. He hoped to lead it away from the freezer and possibly back through the fence breach. A pained yelp stopped his sprint and he turned to see Dogmeat narrowly avoid a swinging hit, bright blood already flowing down the dog’s right flank.

Panther seemed to fly through the air as it came to the canine’s defense. Once atop the monster’s shoulder, the cat dug in with both fang and front paws, raking the deathclaw’s ribs with its scythe-like rear claws unmercifully.

Taking the opportunity of a stationary, visible target, MacCready fired round after round at the beast’s closest knee.

The deathclaw decided that perhaps this herd was entirely out of his league and that retreat was the best option. Contracting the chromatophores in its skin, the creature blinked out of sight. Raking a claw across its own back, it dislodged Panther and cast the feline into the side of a nearby house.

Danse emerged from the freezer just in time to see the cat hit with a sickening crunch, “NOOOOOO!” Able to see the monster by the damage on its side, he rapidly closed the distance and with every last ounce of his strength, impaled the deathclaw through its wound with the handle of his pipe wrench.

The creature came back into view even as the light left its eyes.

Cradling the still form of Panther in his arms, Danse didn’t even acknowledge his astonishing victory. “CURIE!” Anguish and fear were clear in his voice as he dashed to the clinic.

Waving the all-clear and leaving cleanup to the Minutemen, Sturges and the children watched as MacCready gave Dogmeat a stimpak. The sniper scooped the dog into his arms and they all followed Danse.

“Looks like you’ve earned yourself some stiches too, puppy dog.”

“Do you have to eat?”

“Wha...?”

“Shaun asked me if you, Bear and Billy have to eat. I told him I didn’t think so, because Billy… are you laughing at me?”

“No! Heh, I would never laugh at you, sunshine.” Hancock’s bed shook slightly, revealing his lie. “Now, strictly speakin’, I’ve never tried going without chow. I enjoy good food. Eating is… pleasurable. And we’re all aware how pleasure-centric I am!”

“Mmmhmmm!” It wasn’t just the ghoul’s own pleasure he focused on. “Ugh… I don’t wanna get up.”

Hancock pulled her closer and nuzzled her neck, “So don’t. I’ll get up in a minute and bring us breakfast. As ghoulish as you are, I know you still need to eat. Heh, we burned a lot of calories last night, you feel me?”

Wraith had spent almost two months in Sanctuary after returning with Duncan MacCready. The group had stopped on the way to pick up Shaun and Nat and the children had formed fast friendships. Shaun and Duncan were already referring to each other as “brother”. Nat had been sad when it came time for Wraith to take her home but she held her head high and said her goodbyes with grace. Hancock had tagged along and he and Wraith had continued on to Goodneighbor after. Now, almost a week later, Wraith felt her schedule creeping up on her.

“I’ll have to dine-and-dash; if I’m gonna get to Diamond city by noon.”

“I thought Davidson was on top of things over there. You feel like you gotta babysit ‘im?”

“George is dead.” Wraith sighed, “I don’t have a official replacement yet.”

“Shit…”

A few minutes later, Hancock returned with eggs to find Wraith standing next to his bed, rotating her left shoulder.

“That arm still buggin’ ya?”

“No actually, it’s felt better in the last few days than it has since my surgery. Weird…”

A strange smile appeared on Hancock’s lips, “So your ghoulishness has you heal by radiation, right?”

“A little. Not as much as you… now why are you laughing?”

Doubled over in mirth he could hardly speak, “You… we’ve been… ha ha… a lot… *wheeze*… so you’re… I’m helping…”

Wraith blushed but joined in his laughter, “Sexual healing, huh?”

“How do you like the new pad?”

Wraith had wanted nothing to do with Kellogg’s property and Piper had tried to gift the home to Valentine and Ellie right after their wedding but they had resisted. She had suggested that the home could be considered payment for years of dedication to the city and the detective’s aid in locating Wraith’s son. After much debate, they finally relented.

After working on Minutemen affairs for several days, Wraith had been invited to dinner at the Valentine’s. Now, enjoying a quiet meal with her friends, she couldn’t help but feel a sense of nostalgia; the domesticity reminded her of time before the war.

“It took a while to get the smell out from those darn cigars but it’s nice to have a separate place from the agency.”

“Ellie makes sure we keep all our work at work... keeps the clutter down.”

Wraith smiled as the pair made what could only be described as love-sick googly eyes at each other, “Speaking of work…”

“It’s been fairly steady lately. In fact, I just wrapped something up and surprisingly enough, I don’t have another case that I’ve immediately got to jump on. A little brake will be nice...” As if on cue, there was a knock at the door. When Valentine set his eye to the peephole, his smile vanished, “It’s Edward Deegan…”

“I’m sorry to bother you at home detective but this is a matter of some urgency.”

Valentine stood in the doorway, reluctant to let the ghoul in, “Don’t tell me, Jack’s got another wacko, alien abductee that I’m supposed to interview…”

“No, and I’m sorry about that, but Jack’s been shot.”

Wraith was under the detective’s arm and in Deegan’s face in the blink of an eye, “Is he alive? Who shot him?”

The bodyguard took a surprised step backward and tipped his cap awkwardly, “Oh… ma’am… I didn’t think I’d find the pair of you together… I suppose that’s lucky for me…”

“I’ll pack your kit, Nick. Now invite the man in!”

“I… I’m not getting a say in this, am I?”

After the destruction of the Institute, Wraith had introduced Dr. Virgil to Jack Cabot in the hopes that he might curb some of Jack’s more “mad scientist” tendencies. The two had apparently hit it off to the point where Virgil was invited to move in and was granted his own lab space. Satisfied that they might keep each other occupied and out of trouble, Wraith had all but forgotten them.

Now allegedly, Virgil had kidnapped Jack’s sister Emogene, shooting her brother when he attempted to intervene.

“That doesn’t sound like Brian to me; he’s really not the violent sort.” Wraith and Valentine moved quickly through the ruins on their way to Cabot House, “He left the Institute because they were hurting people after all.”

Valentine agreed, “His first love has always been his research; doesn’t strike me as the type to lose his marbles over a dame. Let alone run off with her.”

“Someone isn’t telling us the whole truth here.”

“He’s bewitched by her and mad with desire!” Jack was lying in his bed with shoulder in a sling, “I’m not sure why you came here. I told Edward everything that happened. You should be out looking for her! Them… you should be out looking… for them.”

Wraith’s voice was gentle, “Jack, we really want to help but we need a better idea of what happened.”

“She… he shot me. He took them… her! I’m very tired now, please…”

“Mr. Cabot I’ll have no more nonsense today. It’s late and I left half my dinner and my patience at home. Tell us the truth. There is not a snowball’s chance in hell we’ll find them if you’re hiding information. Facts. Now.” Valentine had folded his arms and was glaring at him.

“Jack… they came all this way…”

Wraith was surprised to see fear cross the scientist’s face and tears in his eyes. She reached out to pat his arm, “Hey, it’s okay. No one’s going to hurt you.”

“You might, once you know…” Jack made an attempt at gathered himself but when he spoke, the words tumbled out in a confusing, panicked rush, “Emogene shot me. I know I told you I was going to destroy my father’s body but I was so close to removing the artifact…. His corpse had not even begun to decompose, even after all this time! Virgil and I began research on possible medicinal applications. Emogene was in a fury after I told her the serum would no longer be available and when she found out that we still had his body… she has Virgil! She’s going to make him implant the artifact in her! She hired some… RUFFIAN THUGS! They took equipment and Brian… I tried to stop her but she… she SHOT ME! You must stop her!”

“Oh… Jack…” Deegan shook his head sadly.

“Am I right in thinking that if this ‘transplant’ is successful, we’re going to have a full-on, telekinetic psychopath running around?”

“Actually, she might be able to propel herself through the air…”

“Oh? Swell.”

Wraith had not spoken and she stood with arms crossed, face like a thunderstorm. “You. Promised. Me.”

Blubbering like an infant, the scientist pleaded for her forgiveness, “You must understand! We were going to save lives! We had you in mind…”

“Oh, no. You were not thinking of me at all.” She turned her back on him, “Ruffian thugs? Do you suppose she hired mercs from Bunker Hill?”

Although Wraith technically owned the trading hub, she left most of the day-to-day to Kessler. The Minutemen were responsible for security and Hancock managed trade routes, barter agreements and the regulation of independent mercenaries. Kessler made regular reports to the ghoul and if there were matters of concern, Hancock would usually take care of them.

“Stands to reason, options are limited now that you’ve nixed the Gunners.” Valentine gave a mirthless laugh, “She’s not going to go to the Minutemen for help.”

Deegan seemed surprised when Wraith headed for the door, “You’re going now? It’s the middle of the night!”

“I’m sorry; did you not just hear what’s going on?!” She motioned for the ghoul to follow, “You are coming with.”

“Edward! Promise me… promise me you’ll save her!”

“Jack… I promise.”

“They didn’t come back yet.” Irritated at being awoken, the usually helpful Kessler was giving clipped answers through a clenched jaw, “I don’t know where they were going either.”

“How many mercs? What group?” Wraith wasn’t about to back down.

“Everybody’s filing nice, neat records now that John’s keeping tabs on the place, right? Just point us to the company cabinet and we’ll get out of your hair.”

Kessler frowned, “I can’t let just anyone…”

“Am I ‘just anyone’?” Wraith’s tone was steel.

As if she suddenly remembered who she was speaking to, the now pale Kessler briskly led them to the correct file cabinet, “If you need anything else…” Trailing off, she retreated back to her bedroom.

“Found it; ‘equipment and resource allocation and relocation’ for E. C. Looks like they were heading to Vault Ninety-five. You familiar, partner?”

“Yes, I’ve been there. They might be planning on repurposing the vault’s medical equipment.” Wraith stifled a yawn, “That’s a helluva ways from here…”

“They have a big head start too...”

“Brahmincart!” Wraith smacked a fist into her palm.

“Bless you…”

“No, no; I mean that we’ll head back through Diamond city, grab some more heavy-duty ordnance and sleep in the wagon on our way down to Somerville Place.”

“It’s too bad the Hounds don’t have more… hounds.”

Wraith was surprised, “You would ride puppy-back, Val?”

“Sure! You only live once, right?”

Wraith set a blistering pace on the return to the ballpark. Outfitting themselves and hitching up the fastest possible brahmin team took longer than she would have liked; making the prevention of the transplant seem less likely. The delay strengthened her resolve for an upcoming conversation with Deegan that she knew neither of them would enjoy.

“I want you to take this,” The trio had just finished a perimeter sweep of the vault and Wraith wasn’t sure if she should be concerned or relieved that there wasn’t a posted guard. She handed the ghoul an anti-materiel rifle, “It’s technically Mac’s birthday present so… maybe don’t mention it to him if you get to use it first.”

“What exactly do you want me to do with this?!”

“I want you to stay here. Stay well back from the entrance. It’s the only way in or out, so if she gets past us…”

“Now wait just a damn minute! I promised Jack I was going to save his sister, not turn her into red mist!”

“I know you might think that an AMR is overkill…”

“You’re FUCKING RIGHT I DO!”

“You won’t if that gal comes floating out of that vault and comes straight at you!” Despite his scolding tone, Valentine’s face was sad, “We are talking about telekinetic powers; she might have a debris-field shield. You’ll be thankful of a gun designed to destroy military equipment.”

“And that it’s precision enough that it won’t completely annihilate everything else around… her.”

“I can’t, Wraith.” The family’s bodyguard for over two centuries, Deegan could not picture himself pulling the trigger, “I know she can be a… a handful. But she’s not some monster; she’s not her father!”

Wraith grabbed the large ghoul’s substantial biceps and gave them a squeeze, “Who knows what it’s been whispering to her. She already shot Jack. If she comes out of that vault first, then Val, Virgil and I will be dead and she won’t be Emogene Cabot anymore.”

The elevator ride down was a tense affair. When the door slid open, Wraith and Valentine stood well back, weapons drawn and ready to fight.

“Who iiiiisssssss it?”

Wraith jumped as an oddly tinny and sibilant voice seemed to come from just behind her ear, “Emogene? Is that you?”

“Of course, lovely. Don’t be coy.” She seemed amused, laughing unpleasantly, “I came to greet you. I just knew Jack would send his two favorite gumshoes.”

Feeling an intense malevolent force emanating from the next room, Wraith reluctantly holstered her revolver and stepped forward into the atrium with her hands raised, “Emogene, Jack is worried abou…”

“DON’T LIE!” Looking once again as if she was in her early twenties, Emogene stood midway down the stairs. Her face momentarily twisted in fury as she interrupted, “That selfish fool only cares about himself.”

“Well, at least she’s not floating.” Valentine had exited the elevator to stand next to Wraith.

“That’s not true; he sent us here to save you.”

“Save me? Oh, dear we are confused, aren’t we? I’m not the one who needs saving, Wraith.” Continuing her decent, the woman moved with an almost snake-like sinuousness, “Just look! I’ve been reborn!”

“Where is Virgil, Ms. Cabot? I would very much like to see how the good doctor is fairing.” Valentine kept his hands raised as well, “We aren’t here to raise a ruckus; I think your family and friends are all a little worried.”

Now only a few feet from Wraith, Emogene locked eyes with her and completely ignored the detective, “I’m immortal, Wraith and brimming with power. I can feel it move through me. It feels so good.” She ran her eyes over her from toe to crown, “I can feel you… you’re like me. I don’t know how... Join with me. Spend an eternity with me. Be mine.”

“That’s… very flattering but I’m in love...”

“Yes. The ghoul… he’ll join us as well. John Hancock is rumored to be the Commonwealth’s most proficient lover. I’ll have him.” A pensive look crossed her face, “I have no use for your common human male, however. The mercenary is worthless.”

Wraith fought hard against a building anger. “Where is Brian? Where are the mercenaries that you hired?”

“They are no longer worth my consideration. You will grow out your hair; I want something to hold on to…”

“That’s enough!” Valentine lowered his hands, his anger getting the best of him, “Leave her be!”

“Mind your tone synth! You who threw his immortality away! And for what…”

“Love. Love, Emogene.” Standing tall, he lifted his chin with pride, “Haven’t you gotten tired of watching the folks you love grow old and pass on without you? The pain of almost continuous loss? Scared to see love die so you stop looking for it; only to become blind to it?”

“Weren’t you and Brian together? Don’t you care for him?”

“This fool?” Casting her eyes upward, she fanned her fingers and Virgil descended from the ceiling to hang over their heads like a marionette, “I believe I’ve told you; he is of no consideration.”

Wraith moved under the suspended doctor and raised her hands as if to catch him, “Brian! Can you hear me?” Overcome with a sense of impending doom she sent a pleading look to Emogene, “Please set him down. It looks like he’s choking!”

“Ms. Cabot, you can’t want this…”

“You know nothing of us!”

Emogene made an almost negligent twisting motion with her hands and Wraith watched in helpless horror, as Brian Virgil’s head was slowly torn from his neck. Although he couldn’t cry out, his eyes spoke of the intense fear and pain. Blood spewed violently forth, raining down on Wraith like a macabre waterfall.

Valentine drew his revolver and fired in the space of a breath but even that was too slow. Flicking her hand as if swatting a fly, the possessed woman cast the bullet aside.

“Tch… covered in that fool’s worthless bile… Worry not, I’ll wash you clean with my love. Join me, pet.”

Fighting her berserker’s rage, Wraith stuttered over her words as she shook, “For… how long? When will you get bored, hmm? Tear… tear my… my head OFF LIKE A CAP ON A FUCKING NUKA COLA?!”

“You don’t know what love is. You’re bitter and cruel, Emogene.”

“Fucking bitch.”

“So… ‘No’, is it?”

Raising herself from the floor, Emogene tucked her body into a fetal position even as the air shimmered and distorted around her. Raising the temperature through the power of the artifact, flames gathered around her until she resembled a small star. Then, reaching her limit, she flung her limbs outward, casting a powerful shockwave that ripped through the room.

Valentine was sent flying, coming down hard amongst debris that impaled him through his lower abdomen.

Wraith left a streak of Virgil’s blood as she was thrown violently across the floor. Caroming hard off of the wall between the stairs, she gasped as the air was knocked from her lungs.

It might take a monster…

Vaulting to her feet before she could even breathe, Wraith ran straight at her enemy. Just before reaching her, she activated a stealth-boy and vanished. Positioning herself behind the unconscious detective, she checked to make sure he was still breathing. After administering a stimpak and dosing herself with Med-X, she moved closer to the vault’s entryway security office.

As soon as she lost sight of Wraith, Emogene pulled items to her, including the remains of Virgil, and sent them spinning and flying around her in a protective shield.

I guess Val called that one…

Drawing both her revolver and Kremvh’s tooth, Wraith hooked a can on her toe and kicked it at the floating psychopath. Still under the effects of the stealth-boy she changed position again trying to find any available shadow in the fire-lit atrium.

“Come now, Wraith. We expected more from you!” Cackling madly, Emogene caught the can and settled back to the floor, “Death-in-the-Shadow! Ha! We know how to draw you out.” Blood flowed freely from Valentine’s wound as soon as Emogene lifted him.

Seeing him dangle in the air with his life ebbing rapidly away, Wraith lost control. Unloading a clip from her .44, she then threw the gun and dagger before casting around for a larger projectile. Had she kept her senses she might have noticed that her enemy seemed to be having trouble with the volume of items she was mentally controlling. Instead, Wraith lifted a bed, stacked it on yet another bed, and heaved them like a spear.

The detective was dropped unceremoniously to the ground as Emogene instinctually lifted both hands to block the furniture. Her eyes widened in surprise when she was punched in the stomach.

Growling menacingly, Wraith kicked her for good measure. Picking up a bedframe she brought it down hard but the other woman was able to roll away.

Stunned, hurt and suddenly afraid, Emogene’s thoughts turned to escape. Levitating and propelling herself through the vault’s entryway she slammed the elevator call button.

Wraith saw her smirk just as the doors slid shut between them.

“Val! Wake up! Stay with me, partner.”

“Uuugghhhh?”

“Oh, thank you. Here, have some water.” Wraith held the detective in her lap as she helped him drink, “What’s your pain level; how do you feel?”

“I feel… I feel like the south end of a northbound brahmin.” He blinked groggily, “What in the world happened?”

“You were skewered on some junk and I lost my head. I think I was whipping stuff at her but… she escaped. I know that much at least.”

“She took the elevator topside?! We have to go… uggghhh…” Making as if to stand, he was overcome by weakness and sagged back into Wraith’s embrace.

“Take it easy! You’ve lost a lot of blood.” She gently squeezed him, “I did my best to fix you up but you’re going to be weak for a while. I think the wire missed anything super necessary but I’m worried about infection. Heh, when was your last tetanus shot?”

“Never would have thought I’d need one.” He smiled weakly up at her, “Thanks for patching me up for the hundredth time.”

She kissed his forehead, “Remember these gentle feelings toward me when I have to make you climb out of here.”

“Climb…”

“Emogene destroyed the elevator car.”

“Oh? Swell.”

Despite what she had said, Wraith had no intention of making Valentine climb the cable to the surface. Instead, she proposed tying him to her in some way and hauling them both up, with the aid of chems, hand over hand.

“No, Wraith.”

“Okay…”

“That‘s a terrible idea and not just because of the Buffout.”

Eyebrows pitched she shook her head and swept her hands out in front of her, “So, you have a better one?”

“Check your Pip-boy; they ought to have had some sort of parallel access shaft for maintenance and elevator repair, right?”

“Ummm…” Studying the maps on her device, a slight flush crept across her cheeks, “Now, why didn’t I think of that?”

Valentine chuckled, “Because you were gung-ho about showing off your Marine rope climbing skills?”

“I was really good at it; no legs all arms.” The screen cast a green glow on her face and she bit her lip as she concentrated. “It looks… it looks like you’re right.”

“Naturally.”

“Still, it’s a ladder. That’s going to be a lot of climbing...”

“I’m not going to let you truss me up to dangle from you like a bindle!”

The trip up was long and arduous. Valentine went first so that if he lost his grip, Wraith might catch him. And they had to make frequent stops so the weakened detective could gather what little strength he could to make it “just one more floor”.

At one point, noticing how hard he was breathing, Wraith climbed up and positioned her limbs around him, “Let go and rest, Val. I won’t let you fall; your wife would never forgive me.”

“Would… I… be… a… good father?”

Despite the lack of context, she didn’t even hesitate, “Yup. You’d make the best pop ever!”

“Don’t even… know if… we can…”

“Worth a shot, right?” Wraith felt herself start to choke up, “If not, there are a few kids without parents that would be very happy to be Valentines.”

“It’s… a little… I’m scared actually.”

“Of course! You wouldn’t be the responsible Detective Nick Valentine if you didn’t appreciate the gravity of the situation.”

“Uhhgg… don’t mention gravity!”

Once on the surface, Wraith carried the now unconscious Valentine to Somerville Place. The clinic there was small, and he would need follow-up care but the medic was proficient and the detective was soon stable and resting comfortably.

“We have a problem, General Wraith.” The settlement’s head had pulled her aside and pointed toward the river, “That Edward Deegan fella is still here. He’s drunk, scary and won’t leave.”

“Oh…”

When the ghoul saw her he couldn’t stop the smile of relief that crossed his scarred face. It was quickly replaced by anger and he staggered to his feet and rushed her while pointing a shaking finger at her face, “You! YOU ASS!” Balling up his fist, it looked as if he might strike her. Instead he started to sob and dropped to his knees, “Why… why did I have to kill her?”

“Deegan… I’m so sorry…”

“No… I… this is all my fault. I was supposed to protect them. How could I let this happen?! How will I ever tell Jack?”

“I will be there with you when you do. I’ll help you.” She set a gentle hand on his shoulder, “Physical labor and cleaning.”

“What… what?”

“Two things that help me work through grief. While I’m waiting on the transport for Val I’m going back in the vault to get Virgil’s remains.”

Deegan watched her walk away for a minute before sighing deeply and following after.

Later, Wraith sat in a chair next to Valentine’s bed, trying to decide if she had failed. Waking up, he reached out and patted her hand.

“Doll face, don’t go thinking that you’re somehow to blame for this.”

“I didn’t make sure Jack destroyed his father’s body. I didn’t make sure the artifact was destroyed or hidden or…”

“You trusted them, that’s not on you.”

“You can’t trust everyone…”

“You,” He flinched as he sat up straighter, “you sound like Deacon.”

“Yeah…” She faked a smile; trying to put on a brave face for her friend, “I sent a courier so there should be a cart here soon. The ride back to the city is going to be a little rough…”

“Suppose I’ll just have to have some more Med-X, huh?”

“Shocking! Detective Valentine on chems!”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t tell John, he’ll never let me hear the end of it. Also, Wraith… the caps on Nuka Cola aren’t supposed to be twist-off…”

When Hancock didn’t answer her knock, Fahrenheit took a deep centering breath before letting herself into his office. Her relief to see he wasn’t engaged in anything embarrassing quickly dissipated when she saw the melancholy look on his face. Seated at his desk, he stared out a window with a letter in his hand and an empty container of Mentats at his elbow.

“That a letter from Wraith?”

Jerking slightly he turned and smiled at her, “Oh, hey Fahr. Did I miss a meeting?”

“No. It’s been a while since Wraith left and you’ve a tendency to become… lugubrious, the longer you’re without her.”

He smiled at her verbiage, “Fancy depression, huh?”

“Yes. I try to make it a point to check in on you.” She stabbed a finger at the letter, “What is that?”

Irritation and sadness passed over his face, “It’s a update from the Sunglassed Ass.”

“Things are bad.”

“No, no they’re just fine… don’t really want to talk about him…”

“Very well, would you like to play chess?”

“Always!”

A few minutes into the game Fahrenheit noticed that the ghoul was toying with a defeated pawn. It was unlike him to fidget during matches and combined with his obvious distress over the letter she decided to push the issue. Subtly of course.

“Regrets over your gambit?”

“Hmm?” He frowned at the piece in his hand before setting it back on the table, “Sorry, I took too much and now I’m spinnin’ in my mental loop.”

“It’s interesting what some individuals consider acceptable loss.” Advancing her knight she took another pawn, “That’s why I think Deacon would have been a worthy opponent; his agenda is paramount. Very few distractions.”

Hancock scoffed, “Unless you count Wraith.”

“Did he?”

“I said I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“Right.”

Suddenly standing, the mayor crossed his hands behind his back and began to pace, “He’s always been a pain in my ass; showin’ up outta nowhere… but he was here. Helping. I’ve been a part of the Railroad since I took over but he’s always made sure no one knew. He told Wraith that I ‘turn a blind eye’...”

“Lies from a liar.”

“You know, he was on this faux fruit kick for a bit; would leave bananas in my boots. Complete fuckin’ nonsense from him, all the time…”

“The balloons.” The memory made her frown.

“Exactly! So why is it that I’m missing him being… here?” He was gesticulating wildly now, “I’ll fuckin’ tell you why; Wraith! She loves him! I know she does. And he loves her. And I love her. If she can love someone, then there must be some worth to ‘em.”

“It’s interesting how you don’t apply the same logic to yourself…”

He dismissed her with a wave, “She would have died without his help. It’s possible that, at some point I could have been axed, had he not been there to prevent it!”

“And so, what?”

“He could have come back by now. He’s repaired their infrastructure, set up new safe houses, appointed new agents… He’s not comin’ back though. You know why?”

“Do tell.”

“Because he knows that he loves her and that is dangerous. And he doesn’t think that he’s good enough. He told me himself he doesn’t deserve…”

Fahrenheit’s laugh was humorless, “This from the ghoul who staged a fight with her because, ‘it’s what’s best for her’.” She drummed her nails on the chessboard in irritation, “She is one of the most capable people I’ve ever met, and you foolish men treat her like a child.”

Looking abashed, Hancock sat back down, “Suppose… yeah.”

“Your self-sabotage knows no bounds, does it?” She leaned forward and caught his eye, “Do you really want him to return, profess his love and carry her off into the sunset? Do you find her so fickle? Nonsense indeed!” Leaning back she folded her arms, “No, she’s chosen you and MacCready; may the heavens have mercy!”

“I’m being stupid.”

“You… need her. She levels you out.”

“Sorry, Fahr. Wanna finish the match?”

“No. I see the empty box of Mentats, there’s no way I could defeat you tonight. This was a ruse.”

He feigned shock, “Using my beloved chess against me? No Fahr, tonight you definitely defeated me.”

“I’m pregnant.”

Hancock froze. He stood up. He sat back down only to stand up immediately again.

“You… going to keep doing that?”

“Baby?”

“Yes, potentially; if the pregnancy is successful, I will give birth to a baby.”

He sat back down, “Baby?”

“Oh, boy... It��s going to be like that, huh?”

He stood back up and began rushing around his office, grabbing various items and putting them in his coat pockets, “We should leave right now!”

Alarmed and confused she stood up as well, “Leave and go where? Hancock? Hey stop! Dad, stop!”

“You… called me… you called me dad?”

Taking his scarred hands in hers, she led him to the couch, “Yes, dad. Leave and go where?”

“Sanctuary. Amari doesn’t have ultrasound. Pregnant daughter needs ultrasounds.”

“All those chems and I still managed to shock your intelligence down to a super mutant’s.” She pulled him to her and hugged him tightly, “I’ve already talked to Amari; she sent a letter to Curie and everything will be fine.”

“Does Michael know?”

“Yes, this was all carefully thought out and planned.”

“Of course.” He sniffled, fighting tears.

“You can cry if you want, grandpa.”

So he did.

“… and daddy and Pants-her and Doggy and Mr. Cap’n all fought it! The kitty was hurt bad and Mr. Cap’n was very sad but he’s all better now and Curie is a really good docker!”

“Wow Dunk, that sounds scary!”

The small boy puffed his chest, “No I wasnit, Waif! Daddy ‘nd Mr. Cap’n are really good and Shaun was there!”

“Thank you very much for telling me.”

Wraith held Duncan’s hand as he and Shaun escorted her from Sanctuary’s main gate. She had already been updated when she met with Cait at the Red Rocket but she enjoyed his enthusiastic story-telling.

“Your daddy on duty?”

“Yup. He’s the best shooter-man!”

“He sure is, honey.”

“Hey grandma, Curie says she needs to talk to you as soon as you got back.”

“Okay,” Passing Duncan’s hand to his she stopped and stared hard at Shaun, “You grew.”

“Jeez, grandma! You say that like it’s bad.”

“I’ll have to measure you again… ugh. That’s it; I’m teaching you both to sew!”

Shaun laughed, “If I’m making my own clothes does that mean that they can look however I want?”

She stuck out her hand, “Deal!”

After visiting briefly with MacCready, Wraith jogged to the clinic. The loveseat in Curie’s office was over-full with napping Danse, Panther and Dogmeat. Wraith stifled a giggle as all three were snoring.

“Psst! Madame…” Curie waved Wraith into her lab, embracing her once she was inside, “Bonjour! I am so very happy to see you return safe.”

“Thanks, Baby Bird. Shaun said you wanted to see me?”

Suddenly nervous, Curie knit her fingers together and held them to lips, “I have made a discovery. It might be shocking to you, so please sit.”

“Uh, oh. What is it?”

Pulling another chair across form Wraith’s, the doctor sat and reached out to hold her hands, “We have long suspected that Panther was a synth, oui? As you probably know le chat was gravely injured defending against the deathclaw. Mon ours was so distraught!” She frowned at the memory, “I did my best and thankfully I was able to save our dear friend.”

“Thank you, Curie. We all love that cat.”

Curie’s face was grave, “I analyzed some of the blood samples I obtained, for science, and I found that…”

“Tell me.”

“DNA from your late husband was used to create Panther.”

“Yes, I know.”

Shocked, Curie’s mouth worked, opening and shutting as she tried to find the words, “How… who… when?”

“Okay, probably should re-phrase that. I have long suspected that at some point Father would have harvested some of Nate’s… information.” Wraith smiled, “I know it sounds odd but when I first saw Panther, my thought was ‘that’s Nate’.”

“Why have you never told me this? I could have verified for you…”

Wraith took her by the shoulders and hugged her again, “Don’t worry about it! The cat isn’t literally him… Sure they act alike in some respects but… No, it’s fine. I will always love Nate. He is gone now though, and I have done my best to move on. I can’t be always looking for his shadow in everyone I meet.”

“That is most poetic, madame.”

“Thanks, Baby Bird.” Wraith stood up, “Was there anything else? I need to go meet with Sofie.”

“Mademoiselle Fahrenheit is pregnant and Ellie Valentine as well.”

Wraith sat back down.

Thank you so much for reading! Like what you read? Looking for more? Please see my master-link post tagged under Wraith in the Ruins in my bio. As always, if you have any questions/comments/concerns, my ask is open to you. Anon too! I’d love to hear from you. =^..^=

#wraith in the ruins #fallout 4 #fallout fanfic #fallout fan fiction #fo4 deacon #fo4 hancock #fo4 maccready #fallout curie #curie #fo4 danse #fallout danse #john hancock #rj maccready #fallout companions #nick valentine

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sugarsourgoat · 5 years

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Music-Themed Manga I Love

As someone who plays an instrument and sings (and was once part of a band), I tend to get really excited when I see manga’s or anime’s that have characters that can do those things as well. Seeing the characters deal not only with improving their skills with their instrument of choice but also deal with the music industry and their personal life, takes me back to the time of when I was dealing with the same thing. Granted, I was not in my band for very long (who knew finding a drummer was so difficult) but the time I was in it, I have learned things--about myself and others--that I wouldn’t have otherwise.

This week, I wanted to share with you all some of the music-related manga’s that I love, not only for beautifully drawn pages but for the story that is told. I hope that these manga will transport you into another world and give you a glimpse into the life of a musician.

xx, Sai

1. Beck: Mongolian Chop Squad by Harold Sakuishi

Yukio "Koyuki" Tanaka wasted away his middle school days listening to Japanese pop music and apathetically trudging through life—until a casual run-in with the enigmatic guitarist Ryuusuke "Ray" Minami. Through this encounter, Koyuki realizes what he has been missing all this time as Ray introduces him to western rock music and jumpstarts his desire to play guitar. Although various struggles plague his path to rock fame, Koyuki refuses to abandon the passion that gave his life purpose, balancing it together with school, work, and friends. Beck tells the story of the love and trial that accompanies pursuing a professional career in music as Koyuki and Ray work toward realizing the guitarist's dream of the ultimate band.

2. Nana by Ai Yazawa

Nana Komatsu is a young woman who's endured an unending string of boyfriend problems. Moving to Tokyo, she's hoping to take control of her life and put all those messy misadventures behind her. She's looking for love and she's hoping to find it in the big city. Nana Osaki, on the other hand, is cool, confident and focused. She swaggers into town and proceeds to kick down the doors to Tokyo's underground punk scene. She's got a dream and won't give up until she becomes Japan's No. 1 rock'n'roll superstar. This is the story of two 20-year-old women who share the same name. Even though they come from completely different backgrounds, they somehow meet and become best friends. The world of Nana is a world exploding with sex, music, fashion, gossip, and all-night parties.

3. Sakamichi no Apollon (Kids on the Slope) by Yuki Kodama

Constantly transferring schools since childhood, Kaoru Nishimi has always been seen as a social outcast when he transfers due to his intellectual nature and wealthy background. But after moving to Kyushu for his first year of high school, things begin to change when Kaoru befriends the class president Ritsuko Mukae and, unexpectedly, the notorious school delinquent Sentarou Kawabuchi. While Kaoru is an honors student, Sentarou is constantly getting into fights and skipping class. However, these two opposites find common ground in one thing—music. One day, Kaoru is invited by Ritsuko to visit her family's record store, where he finds Sentarou in the basement showcasing his skill in jazz drumming. Kaoru, being a classical pianist, knows nothing about jazz. But inspired by the performance, he begins to open his mind to the genre alongside Sentarou. The duo begin to practice in after-school jazz sessions in the record store's basement. As he spends more time improving his skills in jazz, Kaoru finds a person whom he can truly call his friend, and comes to learn the joys of playing music. Sakamichi no Apollon follows their story of friendship and love brought together by jazz.

4. Your Lie in April by Naoshi Arakawa

At a very young age, Kousei Arima was strictly taught by his mother how to play the piano and meticulously follow the score, to the point where he dominated every competition he entered with ease. He earned the title of "Human Metronome" for performing almost perfectly. Every musician of his age looked up to him. However, after his mother suddenly dies, he became tone-deaf due to the shock and then disappeared, never to be seen onstage since. Two years later, Kousei lives a monotonous life with his childhood friends Tsubaki Sawabe and Ryouta Watari supporting him. He continues to cling to music, although performing is still an impossibility for him. This is until his unexpected encounter with Kaori Miyazono, a violinist who performs freely without the dictations of a score. A story of friendship, love, music, and a single lie, Kousei's life begins to change and gain color as Kaori helps him to take up music again.

5. Given by Kizu Natsuki

The played chord made the rusty air and both our eardrums vibrate smoothly. From that moment... our music was born.

6. Anonymous Noise by Ryoko Fukuyama

When they were young, Nino Arisugawa and Momo Sakaki had promised that if they were ever separated, they would use their song to find each other again. However, Momo moved away without notice, leaving Nino with a constant urge to scream. For this reason, she begins wearing a mask. During this time, while still missing her first love, Nino encounters Kanada "Yuzu" Yuzuriha, a boy her age who composes music and gives her the nickname "Alice." Nino falls in love with his music, while Yuzu falls in love with her. Every Wednesday they would meet at the beach—but one day, Yuzu also stops coming. Six years later, Nino and Yuzu reunite in high school—unbeknownst to her, Momo has also entered the same school. Holding on to the childhood promise she made with him, Nino sings Yuzu's songs, hoping that her voice can still reach Momo. However, while she tirelessly tries to reach him, Yuzu continues to long for her, escalating a love triangle that has been built across years of separation.

7. Fuuka by Koji Seo

The story follows the life of Yuu Haruna, who recently moved into Tokyo with his sisters after their father is forced to transfer overseas on work. On his way to buy dinner while looking at his Twitter account, a high school girl suddenly crashes into him. Thinking he was taking upskirt pictures of her, the girl takes Yuu's phone, breaks it, and slaps him before leaving Yuu lying on the ground. As it turns out, this girl—Fuuka Akitsuki—also goes to the school Yuu is transferring to. Unlike most people, Fuuka doesn't own a cellphone; she even listens to music using a CD player. Eventually, these two become closer and decide to form a band with their friends and enter the professional world of music. With Fuuka around, what will now become of Yuu's new life in Tokyo?

#beck #nana #sakamichi no apollon #your lie in april #given #anonymous noise #fuuka #koji seo #kizu natsuki #ryoko fukuyama #naoshi arakawa #harold sakuishi #yuki kodama #manga #anime #shonen #shoujo #music

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jikooklaundryroom · 5 years

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Dry Pancakes

Gather around folks. It’s time to have an open and honest conversation about – yep you guessed it – Jimin and Jungkook and the behavior that mystifies the entire fandom. And notice I say Jimin and Jungkook, not Kookmin or Jikook, because this talk is less about them as a couple and more about them as individuals. A fair warning to everyone, only grown, competent adults are invited to this conversation. If you are a twelve-year old who wants to scream about top/bottom sex positions and Omega slick and Jeonlous tongue thing – please move on. This conversation is not for you. Adults will be talking here.

In this essay, I will NOT discuss Jimin and Jungkook as an intimate- romantic couple, or as boyfriends, or as domestic partners, or as husbands. In fact, those topics are so complex, that they will definitely need to be saved for another day. Lastly, the only time Tae will be mentioned is in this sentence because I plan to write a full separate tribute to this precious man so that I can properly call out how poorly he is treated and perceived because of shipping wars. Again, I give you fair warning, if this ain’t for you, move on because I can’t help you. OK? I am going to give you my honest opinion here and I won’t be nice about it. Pancakers, you should also be warned, you may be offended as well. I leave no stone unturned. Now that we have a proper filter in place, let’s get it.

The month of May gave us nauseating amounts of Jimin and Jungkook being seen together occupying each other’s space. For those of you have been living under a rock, I will do a quick break down of some of their time together: stage moments of laughing and teasing, stage moments of them comforting each other through difficult emotions (aka: the infamous ear sucking confusion), stage moments of them holding hands, sudden VLIVE, the two of them sharing a car, the two of them presumably sharing a hotel room, each one watching the other during rehearsals, the two of them watching fireworks, the elusive selca, the hand jockeying during the unboxing video and last but not least, the full day of sight-seeing they did with their friends in London. And of course, for every moment they DO spend together there is a sea of people who only care about the moments that they DON’T spend together. I’ll address both sides. Within this flurry of activity/inactivty, comes a flurry of narratives from different factions within the fandom attempting to define what is happening, attempting to brain wash the neutral observer into taking their side over others. These folks are literally and figuratively battling across social media to reign supreme in the war of narratives that explain Jimin and Jungkook.

Let’s break down some of these narratives and discuss why they are ALL bullshit shall we?

Narrative #1 -The “Bighit is forcing them to be together for publicity” crowd – This group thinks that everything that Jimin and Jungkook do is strictly for the sake of bringing publicity/attention to Bangtan. This shit has never made sense to me. Exactly what additional publicity does Bighit and Bangtan need? They just reached 20.2 million followers on twitter. They just won TWO Billboard music awards in America despite singing in only Korean. They’ve been announced as members of the Grammy Recording Academy, they received the Order of Cultural Merit award in South Korea, they spoke at the United Nations. They are the biggest boy band in the history of the world and if I am not mistaken they are currently on a sold-out stadium tour that has sold out over 600,000 seats in just ten shows. SO, tell me, what bitch doesn’t know who Bangtan is? Let’s pretend for a moment that Bangtan needed more publicity. What additional publicity would be achieved by insinuating a homosexual relationship between two members? Especially when you consider the vitriol that explodes when these two particular members are together. Do you really think that forcing Jimin and Jungkook into a touchy-feely spree will help Bangtan sell more CDs or get more YouTube views? If we consider how many homophones exist within the fandom, do you really think that highlighting the intimacy between Jimin and Jungkook would be viewed as positive and promote deeper engagement with the group? Absolutely not. Bighit is not encouraging Jimin and Jungkook to be fake gays for publicity. So again, I ask you, what additional publicity does Bangtan need? The answer is NONE; I think they’re good bro.

Narrative #2 - The “This is just fan service to satisfy the shipping culture” crowd – No other “ship” makes the fan more unhappy than Jikook. In fact, SNS explodes with negativity almost every single time that Jimin and Jungkook even breath near each other. Fans get extremely upset OR they ignore and refuse to acknowledge the interaction. So how can it be fan service if it pisses off the majority of the fans? Isn’t fan service supposed to make fans happy? I would go even further to say that Bangtan, Jimin and Jungkook in particular know full well how polarizing their interactions are for the fandom. Seems to me like they don’t give a fuck though. Fan service is to service the fans and give them what they want. They don’t seem to want Jimin and Jungkook as unit. And for those of you who think their relationship is manufactured to feed the pancakers out there, you’re mistaken and here’s why: Jimin and JK work very hard to avoid being caught or showing us too much. It is pretty common knowledge that most of their most intimate interactions are done AWAY from the cameras – a fact that we would never know if they didn’t accidently tell us. (“I go to Jungkook’s room at night when I can’t sleep because he also stays up late.” - Jimin) Often times, pancakers are VERY unhappy with the amount of interaction we get between Jimin and Jungkook and we are quick to yell foul if we aren’t “fed”. This once again proves my point, it is not fan service if it doesn’t please the fans.

Narrative #3 – The “We just don’t understand Korean culture “ crowd - Uuum what? Talk to K-Army and even they will tell you that the intimacy and togetherness between Jimin and Jungkook goes far beyond typical “fan service” or “cultural norm” that would be expected from the Korean culture. It also extends beyond typical friendly male behavior given their closeness. Westerners often get accused of “oversexualizing” Jimin and Jungkook or claiming something as homosexual because we “don’t understand” how Koreans interact. BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT. We know what we see. We know what K-ARMY has explained to us. We have taken the time to study the culture in Korea and talk with our fellow ARMY about Jimin and Jungkook. The conclusion is always the same; there is an entire relationship being played out in front of us and it is consistent, predicable and progressive. These interactions are not just fortuitous bits of circumstance by two friends. It is not just Korean culture.

Narrative #4 - The “Bighit is forcing them to be apart because they are too loud” crowd – Sorry Pancakes, but shut up. This has become a ready-made excuse for us pancakers whenever we don’t receive the interactions that we expect (demand, crave, obsess over). Do you realize how much influence Jimin and Jungkook have over their own choices? They are not mindless dummies who are mind controlled by their management. I will concede the fact that both of them are thoughtful and considerate of the feelings of the other members and they are also respectful of the wishes of management. So if either of the two entities gives them advice with regard to watching their proximity then YES, this could affect their natural behavior’s. You have that concession from me. But that is NOT WHY THERE ARE LULLS IN THEIR INTERACTIONS. Bighit management and Bangtan members are not playing some sadistic game of RED LIGHT – GREEN LIGHT with Jimin and Jungkook’s emotions. Think about how ridiculous this sounds to say to grown men, “Ohh well you two were too intimate and too loud and you could expose yourself so you better repress your natural instincts as best friends and then pretend that the other doesn’t exist.” And then conversely, “You two have behaved and been good boys, so now you are allowed to interact and act like you’re in love again.” If Bighit was trying to hide anything, they would shut it down completely, permanently - NOT IN RANDOM SPURTS. The two of them would be threatened beyond belief and I guarantee there would be contractual implications.

It is simply ridiculous, not to mention reductive to attempt to exercise that level of control over two rich, popular and very grown individuals. Guess what? It’s also impossible. Have you ever noticed that neither Jimin nor Jungkook are very good at following directions? If they are being told to stay away from each other, how come they never seem to do it? At best, they manage to tone things down for short periods, but inevitably they always go back to just being them. My fellow pancakers have even gone so far as to develop a theory that Bighit was keeping Jimin and Jungkook from ever doing VLIVES together. But just recently, we saw them splash tension all over the screen in a VLIVE between the two of them. If they were restricted from doing VLIVES, then why did they do one all of a sudden after a 2-year hiatus? Did Bighit suddenly change their mind and allow it? Of course not. There is a much simpler explanation and I will explain later.

Narrative #5 - The “They are just brothers, nothing they do is a big deal or any different from the rest of the members” crowd – Guess what? I actually agree with you, sorta’. So much of what Jimin and Jungkook do is the result of them being very close and loving friends who have been together forever. Even some of the gentler physical contact between the two is not exclusive to just them when compared to the other members. But the situation is not quite that simple is it? Brothers (not blood brothers) is just ONE of the many layers of the Jimin and Jungkook dynamic. There’s more, a lot more. I will come back to this one.

Hm. So if none of the prevalent theories above define the incongruent public intimacy of Jimin and Jungkook, then WHAT IS THE ANSWER? Simple. It’s called FREE WILL! No one, especially Pancakes with butter and syrup, want to ever admit that Jimin and Jungkook do exactly what they want to do. The reason they interact and the reason they don’t is because it’s what they want to do at that moment. They are exercising their FREE WILL. If Jimin and Jungkook don’t speak, it’s because they don’t want to. If Jimin and Jungkook don’t post on twitter, it’s because they don’t want to. If Jimin and Jungkook don’t post a selca, it’s because they don’t want to. If Jimin and Jungkook don’t do a VLIVE for two years, it’s because THEY DON’T WANT TO! There could be months that go by where they CHOSE not to let us into their private lives and we as Jimin and Jungkook supporters have to be accepting of that choice. Allow them to exercise their free will. In most cases, their free will is to self-manage their own interactions. Think about it this way – is everyday a good day for you? Probably not. Some of us have really good days and some of us have really bad ones. Our moods can be dictated by so many things such as: hunger, bad news, fatigue, negativity, irritation, anger, jealousy, illness, depression – so many things can affect how we feel and how we project our energy. These two men are no different. They are not immune to the emotions that plague the rest of us mere mortals. Travel with me for a moment as we reflect on just how much Jimin and Jungkook are together,

Sharing a car during transport to and from the airport

Sitting next to each other on the plane

Spending time outside of business schedules to attend personal events (movies, dinner, tours)

Visiting each other’s parents

Presumably living together

Presumably sharing hotel rooms when they travel

Working together

Practicing together

Filming together

Presumably engaging in intimacy together

Together- Together -Together –Together- Baam

That’s a lot of freaking togetherness. When we see them keep their distance, why are we surprised? It is clear that they are using their free will to be together MOST of the time and that is a sign of a very solid symbiotic relationship. So why can’t it be conversely true that they are also using their free will when they are apart? We pancakes are so quick to blame external forces when Jungkook and Jimin aren’t stuck to each other as opposed to blaming Jimin and Jungkook themselves. Personal growth can only occur when you broaden your horizons and experience new things, new environments, new opinions and new people. YES NEW PEOPLE. It is an exercise in self-care for them to be apart from time to time. We can’t and shouldn’t expect them to be together 24/7. It just isn’t healthy. I would say they live a well-rounded life when they can be happy apart but still prefer to be together. It’s beautiful. It you are truly a part of the Jimin and Jungkook nation, then your attitudes and opinions toward the strength of them individually or as a couple should NOT be predicated solely on what they do together and how often. Do I need to repeat that last sentence for the 14YOs who read this post even though I tried to filter you out? Just because the two of them don’t show us blatant interactions does not meant that is an indictment or indicator that the friendship/relationship/companionship/brotherhood is dead. Please stop posting fatalistic admonishments because their interactions are not timed according to your schedule. Let them live. Yes, I am saying that when we go through a pancake drought, it is because Jimin and Jungkook themselves want it to be that way. Not because they are being forced to do so.

Now let’s talk about the nature of their interactions by using myself as an example. I love my husband with all of my heart. He is truly my soul mate and we get along very well. Our relationship is so complex and has so many layers. We are friends, lovers, parents, mates, partners, business owners, even at times like siblings. So, when he and I interact, the definition of that interaction could fall within any of the categories that I just listed. It could be a friendly touch, or a sexual touch or a business partner touch – understand what I mean? The same is true with Jimin and Jungkook. Their interactions are highly conditional and must be reviewed within the context of the moment. Which means, when they are in friend mode and they hug, they honestly are just hugging as friends. Over hyping meaningless moments without placing it within proper context, makes pancakes look petty and delusional. Another example, when one is sucking the other’s ear – aww shit – I have no idea what category to put that in – but it ain’t friends – we need to hype the shit out of that one. That was a bad example. But you get my point. Moving on…

Let me make this really clear. Do you remember when you first fell in love with Bangtan? We fell so hard right? The music, the dancing, the talent, the fashion, the creativity, the visuals – we fell hook line and sinker. But there was more wasn’t it? Think back. There was soo much more. Yes my pancakes, we fell in love with their hearts. We fell in love with them as people. Above all, we fell in love with their AUTHENTICITY. You see, Bangtan was never fake. Bangtan never presented a closed-off image to us. They provided as much transparency and honesty as they possibly could, which was a HUGE change from what we were accustomed to seeing from KPOP artists (any artist really). They allowed us to have a real-world peak into their emotions, vulnerabilities and personalities. Bangtan’s authenticity is why we love them most and why we continue to love them. So when we see the love that exists between all seven of them, we know it’s real. Accordingly, there is an extreme affinity that Jimin and Jungkook have towards each other that cannot be faked. Even if they were being forced for publicity purposes to spend time together, they could not do it successfully unless there was already an underlying desire to be together. Furthermore, forcing someone to be together when they don’t want to be is paramount to torture and that would greatly affect the overall happiness and chemistry of the entire group. Imagine being forced to spend that much time with someone you don’t like. It also explains why we don’t see other couplings “forced” upon the members because it’s not natural. None of the members have a strong ability to vacate authenticity. They all truly exercise their free will.

And for my very last point, I want to talk a little tiny bit about the VLIVE (again). I have insisted throughout this rant that Jimin and Jungkook were never prohibited by Bighit from doing a VLIVE together. So why the 2-year hiatus? I think the explanation is pretty simple. As we saw, it is very difficult for the two of them to maintain “composure” when they are together. They show us so much when they fully intend to show us nothing. They are acutely aware of how they appear on camera – which is why I argue that their two-year hiatus was self-imposed. Think about how hard it must be in that intimate setting, sitting that close, talking that freely to repress their natural instincts to touch, or call each other pet names or possibly even kiss. It’s like freaking impossible. So why risk it? It is so much easier to just keep themselves out of that situation and instead watch each other do the VLIVES from off camera. As we know, even when one of them is off camera, they still freaking flirt. Imagine if they were both in front of the camera on a consistent basis. This goes back to my theory on free will. I honestly believe that these two are being very smart to exercise their free will to stay away from Jikook VLIVES.

I have probably not changed anyone’s mind and you will likely continue to incessantly spew your narrative, whatever it is. But for those of you who are a bit more open-minded, I hope you found some insight as well as clarity in my words. Here’s to loving our seven boys and obsessing over two of them.

So in conclusion, I have concluded. Thank you. Love you Pancakes – don’t be mad, k?

#laundryroommusings #jikook #kookmin #PancakeQueenRamblings

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azure-v3 · 5 years

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Hey, I really want to hear you talk about Kind Lie because I'm always so impressed at the amount of thought you put into your writing. I wanted to ask what was the most difficult scene to write so far and why ? Can you do a commentary of that scene ? I'm also curious about the chapter titles. How do you chose them ?

Thanks for leaving an ask, and thank you for showing interest in KL as always, even when it’s been almost a year since the last update.

There’s a scene in chapter 3 that popped into my head immediately thanks to a huge mistake I almost made, and looking back at that scene, there were some other tricky parts just before it, so I’ll just commentate that whole part of the story ;D

The context is, Kaito has woken up after (essentially) passing out the previous day because of exhaustion and a minor head injury—and suddenly remembers that he missed his arranged meeting with usotsuki.

(under the cut)

Alright so not much to talk about really, but I do remember having no idea how to describe the frantic spamming of mouse clicks that a person does when impatient.

Again nothing special, but Kokichi’s lack of worry here is notable for two reasons:

First, despite Kokichi always making a lot of assumptions whenever he can, it’s still always based off of some sort of evidence. If there’s no reason for him to assume something, he won’t. He has no reason to think something went wrong, so he has no reason to assume so. Similarly, he has no reason yet to even consider the possibility that he’s talking to Kaito, something a lot of readers don’t seem to realize. Kokichi is just smart, not omnipotent.

Second, it’s just reminding the reader that Kokichi doesn’t know about space_hero’s condition and thus has no reason at this time to worry. That changes quite quickly, however.

Alright, and here we get to one of the two really difficult parts of this scene, and the most difficult part about writing a character who thrives off of denial.

Kaito would never let himself finish the thought of, “what if I had died,” which makes it really hard for me to express what specifically he’s not-thinking about in this scene.

There are plenty of moments in KL where Kaito is an unreliable narrator/POV, and there are so many times where I’m not able to actually talk about what is going on through Kaito’s head because he’s actively avoiding/burying it. Since KL strictly follows his POV, I can’t suddenly jump out with a detached description saying something like, “Kaito refused to even think about dying from his illness” because Kaito is refusing to think about it.

Personally I think this makes for an interesting read, because I have to depend on the reader to fill in the blanks themselves. But that can also make it more confusing. Let’s take a look at what follows:

If the reader can’t understand what Kaito was stopping himself from thinking, they can’t understand why he reacts so dramatically. Kaito is so unwilling to even think about the possibility of his illness being terminal that he has to physically jerk himself out of his thoughts.

I think I played around with this scene a lot, because I was really worried about it being very hard to guess how Kaito was going to finish his sentence. I’m sure there’s some way I could have made it more obvious, but it’s just moments like these that make it really hard being stuck in Kaito’s POV.

Another difficult thing is describing the physical symptoms of his anxiety towards his situation. This is most notable in chapter 4, but it’s something I was concerned about as I reread KL for this ask. For Kaito to start suddenly coughing, hyperventilating, or for him to tense up at a moment’s notice—obviously all of that seems very questionable. However, that’s not what’s happening.

What’s going on is, Kaito is subconsciously and sometimes willingly ignoring himself beginning to tense up, or forgetting to breathe and relax. That leads to the physical stress building up without him noticing, and he only becomes aware of it when something very stressful or shocking happens, which causes that stress to overload and cause a huge physical reaction.

But again, if a reader can’t consider that, then it seems like I’m just dialing Kaito’s physical state to whatever the moment needs it to be.

All of this is mostly just classic Kaito distracting himself from his thoughts. I’m also trying to set up the fact that he and Rantaro actually are friends, that Rantaro travels and skips school a lot, and also that not a lot of people stick around Hope’s Peak Academy during the weekends. It was mentioned earlier in this chapter that Maki, Shuichi, and even Kirumi had somewhere else to be during the weekend. In Chapter 2, Kokichi went on a small rant that everyone, “even Ryouma,” hadn’t stayed at the school that night.

All of that, as well as Kaito knowing who would be around at school during the weekend, as well as “why can’t anyone normal ever sticking around” implying that this is a complaint he’s had before, implies that Kaito, unlike a lot of his peers, doesn’t usually leave HPA, and that that isn’t normal for an Ultimate student. Which might lead the reader to think that maybe Kaito has nowhere/no one else to visit.

Of course, there’s also enough clues to realize Kokichi also doesn’t leave HPA. If the reader knows about Kokichi’s and Kaito’s event where they’re the only two students around during the holidays, than perhaps it’ll be easier for them to go, “oh yeah.”

Alright, here’s the part that made my instantly think of this as the hardest scene in the fic:

It’s just that one line, but it was a pretty big deal to me.

Because originally, that line happened, and then Kaito kind of just wasted the rest of the day doing nothing, and it would be that way until he got a response from usotsuki.

I came back a few hours later to continue writing, reread that part, and it suddenly struck me how completely out of character that was.

Normally I’m pretty confident in my interpretation of Kaito’s character, but in that moment, I had completely lost a part of Kaito—the one that never stops trying.

Because that’s the reason behind Kaito’s entire denial. It’s not that he doesn’t believe he can get sick, or doesn’t acknowledge death as a part of life—Suddenly Kaito is being told that he has no choice but to abandon all of his dreams, and that he should accept the fact that he’s likely going to die, with no control over any of it.

No one is telling him that if he takes really good care of himself he can push through, or that it’s still possible he can recover and go to space. If that were the case, then we’d probably see a very different story, one where Kaito aims to do absolutely everything to ensure his survival and fitness. Instead, it’s a firm, 100% statement of “it’s impossible, there’s nothing you can do, and you need to give up.”

There is no space for him to try. There is no solution to the problem. Kaito is someone who needs to believe that he has control over the situation, believe that he can choose his own fate. Acknowledging the reality of his situation would break him, and thus denial is the only thing keeping him together. If Kaito loses hope, then he can’t go back.

Small little tangent aside, I felt like in that moment, I forgot what the root of this entire story was. And thus, this scene became a moment where I was pulling from my own feelings more than Kaito’s.

Now I’m a lot more careful about it and I’m often checking that Kaito is true to his beliefs, so hopefully there are no other moments like this in the future.

“That’s stupid” is a call out aimed directly at myself, haha. I do want to say that I left one line of Kaito’s inclination to do nothing just as a sort of tease of sorts. Right now Kaito isn’t giving up, but will that always be true?

Another bit of what could be foreshadowing, or maybe an innocent spark of foreboding for the readers.

Space is Kaito’s motivation, the embodiment of his dreams. In the past, looking at the sky gave him hope, but now there’s a sense of fear(—fear that he might not ever get to reach them). Once again, with Kaito hiding his negative thoughts, I really hope readers can put the pieces together and understand what the “sense of dread” is about.

But hey, this time I quite directly imply what it was. I’m quite lucky Kaito is at least vocal about his “positive” thoughts.

And with that, we end the scene with even more of Kaito distracting himself from all his problems!

I hope that this was somewhat interesting!! This might not be an important scene in the overall plot, but I guess it’s a good representation of Kaito’s denial, as well as a good representation of how I sometimes like to hide extra information in unassuming paragraphs.

TLDR, this scene was the hardest to write because my point of view character is preventing me from actually describing what’s going on, and also it’s sometimes hard to separate his attitude from my own.

(I’ll answer your second question in a separate post, just because of how long this got.)

#muzothecat #ask #kaito momota #kind lie #danganronpa v3

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honestfutures · 6 years

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skill and creation in hacf

I’ve seen a lot about who’s the “smartest” or “most creative” in HACF (often paired with Donna hate…), and while of course it’s always more complicated than simple character stats, I thought it might be fun to look at the various ways the characters are skilled and how they differ. So let’s break down these characters like Pokemon, shall we?

Hard skills: by this I basically mean strictly technical proficiency and knowledge. This is what most people think when they consider the characters’ “intelligence”.

Donna: Based solely on what’s plainly stated in dialogue, Donna is a skilled engineer with a computer science degree. In terms of “hard” skills, she has at minimum THE SAME credentials as Gordon. Like I’m tired of hearing about this.

Gordon: He has the same degree as Donna. I mean, there’s not much to say here because it’s sort of matter-of-fact, he is evidently good at what he does and I would say it’s by far his strongest area out of the 3 I’m looking at.

Cam: Cameron is more slippery to pin down, but we’re meant to understand her as exceptionally bright, a prodigy, in the sort of nebulous good-at-everything way TV likes to depict prodigies.

Joe: He has other skills, more specifically he is good at selling, influencing, and encouraging, but he is not knowledgeable about computers by his own admission, and as evidenced repeatedly. He’s the least technically skilled of the group.

Something to consider is how in this one area, the skills of the characters go against the typical distribution of tech skills in media, gender role-wise: both women are very talented re: hard skills, and the least talented person is a man, who in other ways, small and large, is an outsider and goes against typical gender norms. Someone who is not me write an essay on this. Anyway, moving on...

Soft skills: Soft skills encompass things like organization, time management, communicating with others, etc. Unlike hard skills they’re harder to teach or quantify, because they’re usually not considered job skills, just someone’s personality, or, in a more unspoken way, “feminine” skills.

Donna: She’s skilled at these because she needs to be, as a mother and wife, and because she is by default the only person who really has these skills at Mutiny and is therefore forced to step into that role- to deal with the power company, to prevent coders from attacking each other, to organize, etc. She’s the most classic example of someone with good soft skills.

Gordon: He sucks at this. He’s got some brain stuff going on, but mostly he’s a man in the 1980’s who has never developed these skills because he’s never needed to; he’s got Donna. Of note is the fact that even in season 1, Donna is performing these duties for Gordon at home with no pay. YMMV on how much of that is normal in a relationship, but the fact is the Giant project would never have gotten off the ground if Gordon had to take on 50% of childcare, event planning and other household responsibilities, and this is true of many families.

Cameron: Bless her heart, she is also garbage at these, in a more overt way than Gordon. Part trauma, part possible autism/adhd/other neurodivergence, part “is literally 19 at the start of the series”.

Joe: This is tricky. He is very skilled, but in a restricted and relatively short term way, that is to say he burns bridges as fast as he can build them. This is one of the areas he learns to improve over time.

Though you might not consider these things when comparing the characters’ smarts or talents, they’re definitely part of that equation. These are all skills that are undervalued but that in real life are crucial, and no project can succeed without them; if you can’t talk to people you can’t work in a team, secure funding, etc. They may not be impressive skills like coding, but they are crucial, and this is where most of the tension between Cam and Donna comes from in season 2 and 3: Cameron doesn’t understand this and feels judged, and Donna resents being made to fill that role. If you don’t consider soft skills as valuable, time-consuming and challenging, most of Donna’s character development and personal struggles will be lost on you.

Creativity: This is a little more difficult to define. It’s not just ideas, and as anyone in a creative field will tell you, everyone hates the “idea guy”; typically a dude, who thinks his ideas are great, but has no concept of how to follow through on them. Creativity implies an understanding of how your idea can be implemented, if not the personal know-how to do it.

Cameron: She is of course the main creative: the friendly OS, Mutiny, Space Bike, etc. She can both imagine her ideas, and has the know-how to execute these ideas personally.

Donna: Her main idea in the series is Community, and again, she both imagines the idea AND knows how to implement it and develop it further as the concept grows. She is building on the Mutiny concept, of course, in the same way Cameron’s Mutiny concept was building on the existing framework of phone lines. Aside from that, Donna, creatively, is the one most likely to come up with fixes for specific problems (think the piggybacked layout of the Giant and the trick to convince Joe they had ported Mutiny to UNIX), which is interesting considering that’s her role in the plot socially as well.

Joe: At the outset, he is absolutely, 100%, the Idea Guy. Possibly the best example is the scene in season 1 where he writes 2x faster, 2x cheaper on the whiteboard and expects Cam and Gordon to reverse engineer that into reality. In real life this kind of behavior doesn’t impress anyone. Like, anyone, really anyone, can do that. I can tell you I have an idea for an app that lets you talk to your cat, but if my whole idea is “an app that lets you talk to your cat”, I’m very clearly full of shit and my idea is pointless. So while Joe is outwardly creative he is, creatively, the least useful. Again, Joe evolves here, as the writers realized “Mad Men clone” was a bad look for their show, and as he naturally learns more about the industry his ideas get more grounded.

Gordon: He has… some ideas, notably Sonaris and his garage-based computer business, but both flop badly and immediately and he lacks the vision to polish them into something functional. I would say Gordon is the least “creative” of the main four, but this brings me to another thing:

Gordon and Joe: They typically arrive at ideas together, the Giant most prominently (Cam’s OS is almost entirely separate from the Joe/Gordon back and forth on the hardware), their business in season 4, and I would argue Sonaris/MacMillan Utility. Joe suggests an idea with no technical basis, and Gordon is the one who figures out the execution, or vice versa: Gordon invents unsellable, impractical software, and Joe figures out how to use and sell it.

This is crucial: I can’t count Joe’s Giant concept as an independent idea, because he himself has no clue how something like that would work, whereas it's not fully Gordon’s because he’s not capable of that kind of initial creative drive. Their ideas only really reach fruition when both are involved. What’s fascinating is seeing how he and Gordon mesh together as partners, both equally crucial. There’s tension there, but ultimately they're uniquely well-matched and rarely work without the other. Even when Joe starts his company without Gordon, he’s using his software. Comparatively, Cam and Donna do work together but can create independently; it's less meshed at that creative level because they are individually more well-rounded.

In conclusion I guess, while all these nuances are definitely explored in a way that many shows don’t do, HACF definitely falls into that trap of attributing ideas and achievements to individuals rather than teams, and specifically those individuals who have skills understood as valuable in a capitalist, white man-centric culture. Here that means coders and engineers, with other disciplines that Cardiff or Mutiny would definitely need, like visual and sound artists, HR staff and yeah, janitorial staff, happening automatically in the background.

Part of this is because of the obvious fact that you need central characters to root for, but it’s worth keeping in mind because this is definitely a mindset that affects the workforce particularly for lower-paid, majority female and nonwhite jobs. Appreciate these people!

Thanks for reading!

#halt and catch fire #cameron howe #joe macmillan #Donna Clark #Gordon Clark #is this a meta blog now??

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