#the first time i posted this the 'read more' went away so rip to everyone who gets that version

[russellsppttemplates]

Straight from the heart (Lando Norris)

It takes a bad race for Lando to notice how much he has neglected your relationship, and he can only hope he can fix it

Note: english is not my first language. I was fighting the other piece I was writing so I jumped to this one and I did something a little bit different (* cough cough * longer) and see how it goes! I'm not sure how good this is (or how much you will want to kill me), but I promise this has a happy ending!! 🥹🫶

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: relationship struggles, curse words

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog @hiireadstuff @c-losur3

The result on the screen was not the one you hoped. Lando had a wonderful race, but a mixture of bad strategy calls, dark rain clouds appearing on the sky with only a couple of laps left to finish the race and the wrong tire compound made him lose a good number of places, cars overtaking him in the last seven laps.

"Is the race over?", you mother asked as she stepped inside the living room, carrying the curtains she had left out to dry and proceeding to hang them back in their place.

"Yes, just now", your father said as he adjusted the volume on the TV, "let me help you, darling", he offered, getting up and standing beside your mum in case she got out of balance.

"Are you going to call Lando?", your mother asked once her squinty eyes read the position he had finished in. Even though the prescription glasses were on the table, she insisted she didn't want any mishaps after she accidentally dropped her last pair while she was gardening and one of your younger cousins found a rusty frame a couple of months later when he was over.

"I'm not, I don't think - he's flying back tonight and the timezone is so different, I don't want to bother him", you blurted defensively, making up excuses as you went along with your answer, "he's doing the interviews, and I'm sure the debrief will be long and torturous - he will need his rest to fly back", you stated as you got up, "I have to check on the project I handed in on Friday, the professor said he would post the grades around this time and if we want to appel, we have to do it right away - I'll be in my bedroom".

The subject was an open wound that stung everytime you so much heard a mention of it, let one having to seem completely okay with it when it ripped through your heart.

The calendar on your wall is full of stickers, both with notes, urgent matters and things you couldn't forget. It's the last stretch, you tell yourself, one more week and then it's done and you'll have a well deserved break.

A knock on your door catches your attention as you reply with the allowance to let whoever is on the other side in, "is something wrong?", you asked. Lately, the negative side of your mind was the first one to speak.

"That's what I want to ask you - that conversation we just had downstairs was not your usual self", she sighed as she pointed to the living room, "I've noticed you haven't mentioned him much, but I don't want to intrude or offer my help because I know you don't like meddling", your mother looked for your eyes before you could fully focus on the wooden floor.

"Things have been rough between us lately", you sighed, "Lando is keeping me at a distance, and I don't know the reason why, mum", you shrugged, "I don't know if it's because I've known him all my life and the comparison is so profound, but it seems he only cares about racing and his friends, and I'm nowhere in the mix. We rarely call eachother, no texting - I know the triple headers are intense, but all I got from him were reactions to my stories and a little video from Max where he's in it and said something to me", you recalled, "I can't be the only one making an effort, can I? Either he realised where this is going and we catch it while we can, or I don't know where this is going, I don't know where we're going".

Your mother's heart broke as she saw you allow the tears you had held on to fall freely, your sleeves bunched up on your hands to wipe them, "and have you talked about this? A long, grown-up and serious conversation?", she mused.

"We have barely been with eachother, mum!", you whispered shakily as more tears got caught on your throat.

"Couples go through phases, darling - do you think me and your father was all smooth sailing?", she tried to get you to smile as she brushed your hair while she hugged you, "you need to talk to eachother, seriously and let it all out, nothing is off limits because that's how you'll get to where you need to".

You kept your head on your mother's chest, accepting her comforting hold despite being an adult. A mother's hold was truly the best.

You hoped she was right and this was something that would pass. A rough patch that you and Lando would work through a look back on with a sense of accomplishment.

This wasn't how you and Lando end, is it?

.

Max and Lando headed for the plane as soon as they left the race track, having made prior arrangements to had their luggage there waiting for them once they arrived. Max was the first to sit down and get himself comfortable on the seat, texting his girlfriend to let her know they were leaving.

"Y/N hasn't called or even texted me, nothing", Lando mumbled, "didn't she watch the race? Doesn't she know that I need her?".

Max weighed in the good and the bad that his next few words could do. He could either be honest and encourage his best friend to finally come to his senses, or keep covering the lie and perpetuate the suffering and miscommunications.

"This is not how I wanted to do this - truth be told, I never wanted to have to do it", Max rambled off.

Lando was quick to notice that there was more to it than just this instance, "you know something - she's my girlfriend, Max, if something is happening, I deserve to know", he said in an antsy tone.

"Are you really so blind to it? Have you not noticed it yet? Damn it, Lando, I've been on your side, trying to clean it up and now I'm questioning it", Max declared as Lando only grew more confused.

"What am I missing Max?", Lando snapped, even catching his own self off guard at the reaction he had.

"Mate, think about the last couple of months and whether or not you have been a good boyfriend, or even the boyfriend Y/N deserves", Max offered.

Lando wasn't expecting that answer or point of view.

The last couple of months roll through his memory as if he's watching a movie and when he tries to select the moments he spent with you, he finds himself struggling to gather any at all. He can't remember any of the times you spent together, and considering his memory isn't that bad, it could only mean those moments didn't even happen. Thinking about it, he can remember the last time he held you in his arms, just the two of you.

"Fuck!", Lando shouted, punching the arm rest.

"Glad you figured that one out almost all on your own", Max tsked, "do you really think you deserve any interaction from Y/N? Thought so", Max muttered. He didn't like the situation his friends found themselves in, and he certainly didn't feel any joy in the words he told Lando, but the truth wasn't always easy to hear.

"Seems Y/N doesn't think so either", Lando mumbled, "do you know anything? Has she told you anything?".

He wasn't sure he deserved to know, but he needed to.

"The last time I spoke to her she didn't say anything - you know how Y/N doesn't want to bother anyone with her things and getting information from her is harder than solving the world's problems -, but P and her talk here and there", Max reasoned, "she obviously won't tell me all the details but from what I can tell, Y/N has really taken a toll because of this, P is always quite upset whenever it comes up", Max offered. Quite upset wouldn't cover it, so much so that, unbeknownst to Lando, the last couple of time Max's girlfriend couldn't join them for their plans was an orchestrated excuse from her to avoid being in the same room as the McLaren driver.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!", Lando groaned into his hands, "how could I not realise this was happening?".

"You want the honest, blunt truth?", Max asked and Lando nodded, "I know it's your job, but lately, it's all been about racing, and I think you've neglected Y/N ", Max offered.

McLaren had a one hundred and eighty degree turn lately. From struggling to get their cars in the points, the team had managed to turn things around to the point where P5 and P8 was considered a bad weekend for them.

With the new signings, Quadrant had grown exponentially and it had naturally drawn him to spend more time on it, and it seemed to have alienated everyone in his life that wasn't directly a part of those.

It wasn't intentional, but it didn't mean that it didn't hurt. And by the looks of it, the person Lando loved and cared about most was also the one he hurt the most.

They both sat in silence as the British drive thought about all of it. Things got so good that he didn't look back, he worked his hardest and gave every piece of himself to the cause and the new territory he was paving. Being on the podium was a common feature for him, and the race win was there, up for grabs and he wanted it. Yet, he had been dazzled by it and had let himself fly higher, his characteristic "both head and feet on the ground" posture no longer present and resulting in a degree of neglection for the things and people thay mattered to him.have always been important to me.

"How did I push away the most important person in my life and I'm just now realizing this?", Lando asked, not really expecting an answer, but rather to let out all the frustration that boiled inside him, anger soon following at his late realisation, "what's worse is that I've only come to realise this because you had to tell me - stupid, stupid, stupid".

"I don't know what you want me to tell you, mate, and frankly there isn't much I can, but look on the bright side: now you have a chance to fix it", Max tries to comfort Lando.

"What if it's too late? What if Y/N doesn't want to be with me anymore?", Lando voicesd his deepest fear. What if the anger had finally got to you and you wanted to call it quits?

"Wouldn't you be able to understand that? I don't think that is the case - I've never seen two people who love eachtoher more than you two, it's as disgusting as it it lovely most times. And even though she might feel angry or hurt, I believe she has it in her to forgive you", Max states.

"I hope you're right", Lando sighed as he tapped his phone, his finger hovering over your contact.

"I wouldn't do that", Max chirped, "you should rest before diving into anything about that topic, and today has had too many emotions as it is. Tomorrow is a new day for you to think about it", he advised.

With his head on the headrest, Lando went over everything that occupied his mind, allowing the heavy sinking feeling to settle in. To a degree, he deserved the discomfort he felt. Shame, guilt, frustration, remorse, embarrassment, overwhelm, sadness.

What if he had destroyed the thing that made him the happiest? If I managed to single out the person who loved him for him?

.

Lan 🧡

Hello. You were probably expecting a text or a call, but the last few days haven't been easy and I needed to ground myself a little. We really need to talk, Y/N. Do you think we can grab lunch today?

It irritated you how quick your heart was beating the minute you saw who sent you the text after you submitted all the projects that you had left. Battling an inner fight of whether or not you should answer it, you decided to so it. Rip the band-aid off, Y/N.

To Lan 🧡

Hello... We do urgently need to talk. I'm on my own today - where do you want to go?

Your tone was cold and unusual when you compared it to the older messages, filled with hearts and the pet names you had for eachother.

We can go to that café by the marina, the one with the paninis you really like.

Yes, we'll meet here at one pm.

Do you want me to pick you up?

No, I'll walk.

Your sunglasses are good enough to hide the nervous gloom on them as you walked to the marina. There is no script or guideline to go about this lunch other than honesty and finally admitting everything you were feeling. It could go either way and, truth be told, you believed it would go down the way it was supposed to.

Stepping on the wooden path to the small café's outside area, you looked for the boy whose arms were where you used to feel safe.

Lando chose a table that overlooked the water, the warm sun shinning and bringing out the blue of it. It would be a big conversation, and while the café wasn't crowded, he never knew how things could pan out so he went for the most demure spot.

When you take a proper look at him, it surprises you. His eyes are not shiny like they usually are - there's a dark hue surrounding them along with sadness.

"Hey", you utter out to grab his attention.

The moment he faces you, you feel naked despite the summery dress you have on. All vulnerabilities exposed for the person who knows you best and who can read you like the back of his hand.

"Hello, hi", Lando cleared his throat, "how have you been?".

Setting your bag on the chair, you shrugged, not ready to engage in casual chit chat.

"Do you already know what you are having?", he wondered.

"The italian panini and iced tea", you mumbled after looking at the menu he handed you, "have you ordered yet?", you mused before calling the waiter to do so.

The silence between you after the waiter left the table was painful and hard to digest. You avoided looking at his colourful eyes - once you did it, breaking down would be in an instant.

"We really need to talk, Y/N", Lando says.

"Do you want to go first? Or shall I?", you asked bitterly, accepting his silence.

The waiter comes back with your orders. The café doesn't have a big menu and it's mostly empty, so the service was quick, "I hope you enjoy it - Bon appétit!", he interrupted the tension filled moment.

"I recognise I need to apologize to you for all the things I did without realizing it an-", Lando was cut off by you.

"Let me stop you there before this derails", you stated, "I'm here to have a serious, grown up conversation, so I'm not going to sit here and listen to dusty and beaten up childish excuses".

If the ground could sink him into it, Lando would've accepted it gladly.

"It's a start that you have realised that something was wrong, but you can't excuse yourself like that, Lando. Not when this situation has taken proportions that you can't fanthom - you can't get away with being sorry for not noticing what you were causing", you argued.

Lando gave you a nod, "I'm still not sure about all the things that led us to this point and what it entails, and that's why I wanted you here. I don't want to be blind to it anymore - I want to get all of it so all the pieces make sense in my head. You probably won't believe it, Y/N, but I'm so lost in this. I feel like I've lived a parallel universe for the past couple of months", Lando added all in one go.

"When did your feet come back to the ground?", you mused, "when did you feel like maybe things weren't the way they should be?". The curiosity was killing you, and the answer could very well do the last stab.

"When I lost all of those places in the race", Lando gulped, "I expected you to call and to hear your comforting words, and they never came. Max was the one to bring my mind to the matter", he admitted and you could see he was the opposite of proud of his own actions, "How I've been the worst boyfriend in the world and how I deserved that you didn't call - hell, I'm not even sure if I deserve that you're here today and willing to listen to what I have to say".

It's difficult to maintain a tough appearance and pretend that his words don't affect you, but alas, you keep your armour on.

"That afternoon was a struggle for me, Lando. I wanted nothing more than to call you and hear your voice, silence your cornerns and negative thoughts, let you know that you're the best driver out there and that a bad race doesn't define you. That it wasn't your fault and that you shouldn't beat yourself up because of it, that I was still so proud of you and how you handled things and that nothing could keep me from shouting to the rooftops. But you didn't deserve it, my dignity has been punched by your actions day in day out for the past couple of months and I couldn't take it anymore".

"I need you to hear things from your side, I need to know your perspective so I can understand what I did wrong and if I'm able to fix it still", Lando asks desperately.

"We should start from the beggining then", you laced your hands on top of the table after taking a bite of your panini, "I think it was at the end of the last season - at the time it didn't seem like it, but looking at it now, it was the start. I even took some time off and travelled with you so we could enjoy your break, then I came back for university. It's never easy, I know, but up until then we never had any issues with it - even if it was a bloody run, we made time for eachother. Then, you barely texted, let alone call - but all relationships hit rough patches and I thought that it was ours. Then Christmas came around and we finally felt like us again, there were no work or uni commitments, and it was bliss. After that, life happened again and I couldn't find a way to spend time with you - there was always a Quadrant video to film or a meeting or some event. You, Max and Martin went to Bali, and despite the fact that I didn't have any exams and could easily do university stuff remotely - like I do everytime - you didn't even think to ask me if I wanted to go or if I had planned something for us in the first place. I just took it for granted that you would spend it with me, but when P showed me the photos I looked like a fool and an ungrateful friend and girlfriend because I stayed back, Lando. I never felt so humiliated. Max had his girlfriend and you didn't, you ignored me as if I didn't matter to you", you breathed out. Ruminating was one thing, talking about it out loud was another. The latter angered you less and hurt more.

"I'm sorry", Lando murmured and you were quick to shoot it down.

"I don't need you to apologize now, Lando. What I needed was for you to make a decision then, one that considered me and what I wanted", you sighed, wiping a stubborn tear that got out, "after that, I just watched you pull further and further away, and I tried to get closer, work things out, but you wouldn't let me in. You floated and floated and I stayed here, both feet glued to the ground as I watched you go higher and higher. You were never like this, letting things get to your head wasn't something you ever did, but it happened. You alienated me in such a way that for this triple header, I didn't hear your voice once unless it was from the TV or the McLaren social media. You only wanted to call when you needed comfort, and it hurts that it took Max to help you see things the way they are", you state as tears fell uncontrollably down your cheeks.

Apart from your earlier bite, both wooden serving boards look full and no one made a move to go further.

"You told me time and time again that you would always be there for me, but when I was the one needing a cuddle and reassuring words, I was all alone in my bedroom, crying because of you. When you said you'd be there for me, I guess you failed to account for the fact that you can't protect me from yourself.. Because what hurt me these past couple of months was you", you declared, sniffling and, finally, looking into Lando's swollen and tear-filled eyes.

The tears Lando has been holding back fell. He was angry with himself, at how he had done the one thing he promise not to do to you. He made you hurt, he was the reason you were in pain and he couldn't keep you from feeling it.

"I wish I could tell you there was a reason behind it and that it all has some justification, but there isn't and I can't lie to you. I was propelled from the results and the promise that this could be our year - my year - and everything else faded away. I know it's not any help, but I'm not proud of what I did, and definitely not proud of the way I made you hurt - I wish I could turn back time and do it differently", Lando confessed.

"I needed you, Lando", she bit back.

Lando couldn't find any words after that and once you began eating the now cold panini, he followed your movements, granting you the quietest meal you ever shared with him. Lando was playful, loud, cheery and giggly on any other day. As much as it nagged you that your words were the ones to dim that light, you had to put yourself first. Someone had to.

"Can we walk along the marina?", Lando asked once you finished eating, earning your nod to his surprise.

You both get up, Lando paying for your meal at the front before you left the establishment. You walked along, looking at the luxurious boats and yachts before you found a part of the wall that you was comfortable enough to sit on, remaining in silence as you watched a couple of people unlock their yachts and sailing away.

Lando wanted to say something, to prove to you that he was sorry and that he still loves you more than anything, but the fear of saying the wrong thing and hurting you even deeper was not something he wanted to risk.

"You're going to break up with me, aren't you?", Lando voiced the biggest worry on his mind since he left his apartment.

"I walked here, so I had time to think about all of this, and all I could think was that I was going to meet you there, be reminded of all the pain you made me feel, and then we wouldn't see a solution to this. And on my way here, it got harder because I passed by the shop where we always go for croissants, and then that park where I tripped and you carried me home because of my bruised knee even though I could walk just fine, the bench where that lady asked if Mila was our daughter when your brother visited. And when I arrived at the café and saw you, I knew there was no way I could do it", you half smiled.

"I struggled to see what was happening, and I didn't see what was clearly in front of me, and I know I can't undo all of the crap that I've made", Lando pointed out, "but I can say that I love you, Y/N. I love you even more than when I asked you to be my girlfriend, which I never thought was possible, but everyday I love you a little bit more. I know I won't be able to love anyone the way I love you and, honestly, I'm not sure who I am without you, because I've turned into a person I don't recognise anymore and I'm afraid that if I don't have you around, this is the real me, and I don't like it. You make me a better person - since day one! I'll love you forever, but I also understand that you don't need this pressure in your life and that you want us to be over. I deserve that", Lando mumbled.

As much as the idea of not being with you hurt him, he knew it didn't equate to the pain he caused you hence why he deserved it if you dumped him.

"You're making it so hard", your groaned rubbing your temples, "It would have been so much easier if you had told me that you didn't care about this, that you didn't care about me anymore".

"That's never going to happen, Y/N", Lando assured you.

"It would be so much easier if I told you to fuck yourself off, wouldn't it?", you chuckled and Lando got to see a small glimpse of the world's best smile, "but I can't do it - I do think, though, that we need to take some time, for both of us to work on our own things", you suggested.

"I get it, you can have all the time and space you need, Y/N", Lando nodded, "would it be too much to ask if I asked you for another shot?", he wondered as you quirked an eyebrow, "I know you just asked me for some time, and I'll give it to you, but I'm not going to let you entertain the thought that I don't care about you or that I don't love you any longer. I'm still the same person you met all those years ago and I want to remind you why you fell in love with me in the first place - if that's even the case", he blurted, "please".

"Slow steps, okay?", you mused with a small small.

"Is it still the case?", Lando picked up where he left off, "are you still in love with me?".

"If I wasn't in love with you and if I didn't love you, trust me, I wouldn't be here", you smiled, squeezing his hand in yours on top of the warm stone.

.

Over the last couple of days, you felt lighter. University was finally over for the semester and you could rest, and the whole situation with Lando was better. Even though it hurt to tell him all of those things and see his reaction, and even if Lando still had a lot to make up for, you had to admit you didn't expect to feel like this right away. The right path was being trailed and you couldn't feel more at peace with it.

So far, he kept his respectful distance, which didn't mean that you didn't know he was there. Two days after you met him in the marina, Lando sent you a bunch of flowers to your doorstep, your mother being the one to bring them up to your bedroom since she was arriving from work as the delivery man was about to knock on the door, smirking when she saw who it was from.

You were getting ready to go out for a picnic with Lando. The sunny day invited you to go out and Lando seemed to think the same, sending you a quick text with the location and plan ideas.

"Where are you off to?", your mother asked as she noticed you looking for your hat, "you look very nice, dear".

"Lando invited me for a picnic", you offered her a smile despite the butterfly feeling on your tummy.

"I'm glad you're working things out, Y/N - I know how much you care about him. And even if he hurt you, he's doing the work to get you back - a lot of men would just give up, but not Lando", your mother nudged. She always liked him despite her initial concerns when he moved up the racing ladder and the toll it would take on you. For a brief moment, she was upset that she had been right, but she never lost the hope that the young man dating her daughter would fight for them and for her. For you.

"I'm not sure how long I'll be out, but if I'm not home for dinner, don't worry too much", you added, waving at her before closing the door.

You drove yourself to the park, politely declining Lando's offer to pick you up. As you followed the directions, you spotted Lando under one of the trees, seemingly battling with the corner of the picnic blanket.

"Hey, need help with that?", you called as you approached him, noticing his flustered face at getting caught.

"Hey! It's fine, it's fine", he dusted off his shorts, "I didn't fold the corner properly, never mind iron this", he grumbled.

"We're going to sit on it, I don't think we needed it ironed", you smiled, setting your small backpack on the blanket and occupying the space that wasn't covered with glass containers and pape bags, noticing the logo of your favourite bakery and the sweets shop near Lando's apartment.

"So, I baked these - who knew my oven works, hm?", he joked as he pulled out some granola bars that smelled delicious, "Jon did give me the recipe, but I made them! He says they don't have any harmful raw ingredients in them so there's no danger if they're not cooked properly".

"You could've told me to bring something too", you sighed, "you had all this trouble and I'm just going to sit here and eat it", you reasoned.

"I think we've gathered that I deserve all this trouble, even though I didn't mind doing it - I think I finally get it when people say they find baking relaxing, even if I just threw some oats and syrup on a bowl with nuts and chocolate", Lando shrugged.

You smiled at his antics, "this looks lovely, Lan - thank you", before you grabbed a paper napkin to grab the food.

Lando's heart did a little backflip at the pet name - when he thought about it, he can't remember the last time you called him anything other than his name.

He wiped the thought away as he noticed you get one of the paper bags, "It was no trouble, but I did have to make sure the lady at the pastry shop knew I was the next in line because there was this lady, you should've seen her, she was, like, eighty? I don't know, maybe more than that, and she was very posh and very proper and she was trying to cut in line! Then she started saying something in French and I was like 'no can do, madam! I need to get these croissants for my girlfri- for Y/N because they're her favourites' - I bet she wanted to get them first but I did!", he dramatised the scene, earning your loud laugh. How much he missed that sound.

"Seems like it was a little troublesome, though", you teased. Inside your chest, your heart beat fast at his efforts.

"You're worth it", he smiled before taking a bite of the granola bar, "not to toot my own horn, but for someone who eats pre-prepared meals, this is amazing! Try these!", he offered, forming a shell with his hand before he brought it up to your mouth.

For anyone else, this would be just another set of cute behaviours, but for you, it carried a sense of intimacy you hadn't felt in a while. Taking a bite of it and chewing, you had to admit the balance of the nutty taste and the chocolate was on point, "it is good, Lan! You should make granola bars more often - might even make a side business out of it!", you smiled.

"Charles has some ice-cream, there's alcohol from the other guys too - me? Granola bars", he smiled, eating the rest of it and looking at you. He would never be stupid again. He would never take you for granted. Never ever.

The conversation flowed once you started eating, mainly pointing out the new swings in the park or the pretty blooms that were showing up, and even though you weren't acting like you would had it not happened, it was comfortable and Lando had definitely put some effort into this.

"Thank you for this, Lando", you smiled after you helped him clean up the supplies, making sure he wouldn't have any spills and trouble taking the rest home.

"It's alright, really", Lando mumbled as blood rushed to his cheeks, "it wasn't much, but I wanted to make sure you remembered I'm still in and that I love you more than anything", he smiled, closing the basket and getting up with it to walk back to the car, "which actually brings me to an invite I want to make you", he went back to mumbling again.

The invite was a risk, he knew it. After all, it was the reason that got your relationship here in the first place. Yet, he wanted you there and he thought it would be good. Adding to it, it would be the way that he could make sure he was able to see you as it would be a busy day.

"What is it?", you asked as you walked with him.

"The day after tomorrow, we're going karting - Max and P are coming over for a few days, they arrive tomorrow - and I was wondering if you wanted to join us", he invited, "I know it's not the best environment to be in given al-", he started rambling.

"I'd love to go, Lando", you assured, touching his arm confortingly, "I might need a ride though, if you don't mind doing the detour", you pointed out.

"It's fine, of course we'll pick you up!", he smiled, happy and excited at your answer.

"That's me", you nodded to your mother's car, unlocking it with the key, "thank you so much for this, Lan, I appreciate it a lot", you smiled, raising your stance so you could kiss his cheek, "will you text me the details when you know, please?".

"Yes! Absolutely!", he gave you a big smile again, "until then, Y/N!", he waved.

As Lando walked back to his car, there was an extra spring up on his step, a new found energy and a smile that insisted on not disappearing from his lips.

Little by little, he was slowly getting you back.

.

"Why are we going this way?", Max asked as Lando took the first exit on the roundabout, "isn't the track that way?".

Lando couldn't contain his smile, "we're going to pick Y/N up first".

Max and Pietra exchanged a look before rhe blonde woman spoke up, "you finally came to your senses?".

"P!", Max scolded.

"It's alright, Max - she's not wrong", Lando added, "but yes, I have, and I'm working on it, respecting her but making sure she knows how much I regret it, how sorry and how bad I feel that it happened and how I'm trying my hardest to make sure it does happen again", Lando turned around once he stopped at the red light, "Thank you for looking after her when I didn't, P. I know you have been a good friend to her, so thank you for that", he added.

"She didn't deserve what you did to her, but I'm happy you figured it out and that you're working on it - I don't say it too often, but if you two ever broke up, I would consider that true love isn't a thing, what you two have is something else entirely", she smiled.

"Excuse me?!", Max dramatised, "what did you just say?".

"Did I lie, Max? Who was it that came home in a nervous fit without any fingernails because they bit all of them off after Lando realised what happened? The same person who couldn't even sleep because of it? Who was it, hm?", she quesioned her boyfriend.

Lando chuckled at his friends, thinking that they really had been made for one another, "you two make me look like the sanest person inside this car", he shook his head, pressing the pedal and turning into your street.

There you were, the person he was sure was made for him too. Your outfit was simple, consisting of black jeans, black trainers, a shirt sleeve polo and a cardigan on your arm.

"Hi guys!", you greeted, getting inside the car and kissing Pietra's cheek before putting your seatbelt on.

"Why don't I get a kiss?", Max pouted.

"Because you stink, that's why", Lando chirped in, "all ready to go back there?", he mused, sending you a wink from the rear view mirror.

Blushing, you nodded before looking at Pietra again, accepting her hand in yours as she gave it a squeeze. For the whole drive to the track, you engaged light conversation, mainly listening to the plans they had for the clips they were filming before they raced eachother since you and P would happily drive around in the karts just to pass the time.

For the first segment, you stayed on the stands, watching the team get the equipment ready.

"How have you been, Y/N?", Pietra asked as she handed you a bottle of water she had gone to her and taking a sip of her own.

"I've been well - university is finally done with and I can actually have a thought that doesn't involve it", you giggled, "and Lando is home", you offered.

"Now, I wasn't going to be so blunt, but that is the subject I wanted to get at", she raised her eyebrows playfully.

"He's... Goodness, he's Lando again, my Lando", you sighed happily, "surely, it still stings a little and we need to work through our issues, but we're trailing our way through them. Learning our ways together - it's a bit like falling in love again and it's such a good feeling", you blushed at your admission, "it's doing us well and we're going with it, and not out of it", you smiled.

"Y/N", Pietra cooed, "you have no idea how make that makes me! It's so good to see you so happy and hopeful", she squeezed your arm, "I was ready to avenge you on him, by the way, Max did us both a favour in telling him, because I was sure what I wanted to do to Lando was considered a crime and I'm a good person", she raised her hands defensively.

Once the boys were done, Max waved at you to come down and meet them, giving them the time to get your equipment ready.

"Come here, I need to make sure you don't fly out of your kart this time", Max called his girlfriend after she was fully equipped to go on the single seater.

You finished the makeshift hairstyle before you looked for the helmet, finding it in Lando's hands, "come here, big head, I'll help you put it on", he smiled.

As you approached him, you could see his sudden nervousness at having you so close to him, hands setting the helmet on top of your head and then pulling in on, "Look who's talking", you mumbled quickly before it was all the way in, his fingers gingerly touching your neck as he did the strap buckle.

"All good for our speed daredevils?", Max joked, getting an instant slap from Pietra before he got up.

"Does it feel safe, Y/N?", Lando checked with you, making you wiggle a little to make sure you were strapped tightly enough, making you flash his two thumbs up.

"Ready, set, go!", Max yelled before you and Pietra went off, happily driving on the track despite not extracting the full potential out of the kart.

"You and Y/N seem well", Max offered as him and Lando took a break before they joined you back at the track.

"I don't think I'll ever stop feeling this guilt on my chest, it's like a weird weight that sits here and gets heavy every now and again", Lando explained, "but I think we're going in the right direction, and I'm going to spend every day of our lives making sure it never happens again. Y/N will never doubt my love or affection for her. I just want to make her happy now that she knows I know how much I screwed us up".

"I'm proud of you, man", Max tapped his back.

"You're what?", Lando asked, a little flustered at his bestfriends words.

"I'm proud of you, Lando - you're dealing with this in such a good way! I'm not saying I doubted you would, but seeing you actually do it and make it happen in such a grown up, loving and accountability filled way makes me proud of who you became. As much as I joke about it, what P said in the car was true - you and Y/N are it. Whenever I think about what endgame is, you two are the first thing that comes to mind", he admitted.

"Thanks, mate", Lando replied earnestly.

After a couple of laps from you, you saw the boys joining you in the track, making you assure that whenever they lapped you, you made a Mario Kart like noise, always managing to get a smile and a headshake from Lando and Max.

Once you were done, Max and Pietra volunteered to take all of the supplies back to the storage room.

"Did you enjoy your day, Y/N?", Lando asked as he approached you.

Surprising him, you nodded before you hugged him, "I haven't been this happy in a long time", you cuddled him, letting your head rest on his chest and letting yourself feel enveloped by his arms after the initial shock wore off.

"I'm glad", Lando uttered out before he composed himself, "I just want you to know that I could fulfill all your dreams and that there I'll never do anything to hurt you again. I'm well aware of all shit I've done and put you through, and how accountable I am for it. I just want to make you happy", he chuckled, "I don't want anything else in this world other than to make you happy, to show you how much I love you and that I want make this work, I want to make us work", he let out in such a serious and intense tone that you could feel a knot forming your throat, "you were my first love and I want you to be my last, Y/N".

"Lan...", you gasped softly, "I know it hasn't been good for you, but I just need a little bit more time to put it behind me, once for all", you added.

"I know, and that's alright", he mumbled against the top of your head, "I just wanted you to know that it is coming straight from my heart - everything I do, I do it for you", plucking up the courage to press a kiss there.

You closed your eyes and basked in the feeling, "two Bryan Adams references in the same sentence from the guy who used to DJ? You impress me, Lando Norris", you giggled and teased him playfully, feeling the rubble from his own laugh on his chest.

"I'll make sure to impress you everyday that we're alive, Y/N Y/L/N", he promised.

And he intended to keep it.

.

Lando invited you to his apartment for a cosy night in, thinking the plans over and over while he waited for you to arrive.

The delivery service was faster than he expected so he wrapped the takeout boxes in all of the kitchen towells he had so they would help retain the heat while you weren't there yet.

The whole apartment was tidy, he had your favourite blanket on the sofa and the TV had your favourite shows ready to stream in the background as you hopefully shared a comforting meal.

Your acceptance to come to his place made Lando feel very pleased with the way you were trailing in your relationship. He had been able to correct his mistakes and make you happy again. Even though there had been moments where he seemed to forget, he now knew that you had always been and will always be a priority in his life. He had never been in love with anyone else, and he was sure he would always be in love with you until his last breath.

A knock on his door pulled him out of his thoughts, heading up to the door to open it, "Hello hello! Come in", he gestured as you stepped inside, pecking his lips on the way - a few days prior, you had kissed him out of nowhere when you went to the bookshop and you swore he looked like a cartoon, all wide eyes and blushy cheeks.

Lando assured you you wouldn't leave the house and it would be just the two of you, so you hadn't bothered to put together a proper outfit, opting to wear a pair of leggings and an old Quadrant hoodie.

"I wasn't sure if I should bring anything, so I stopped by the sweets shop to get some of these hard candies, apparently they're very trendy now", you giggled sweetly as you set the bag on his hands so you could take your trainers off.

"You didn't have to, but thanks! We'll do a taste test after dinner - which is here by the way", he guided you to the living room.

Unravelling the mountain of kitchen towells, he had you sit down before he opened the containers, handing you a plate after you chose a bit of each of the dishes he ordered, "thank you, Lan", you smiled, sitting criss-cross on the sofa and waiting for him to do the same before you started eating.

"These are really good, have you tried them? They're new on their menu and when the guy explained it to me, I thought you'd like it", he pointed to one of the bite sized pieces.

"They are! They're not too heavy on the seasoning and they're really nice when you dip them in this sauce - try it!", you offered him the small cup.

"Is this going to be like the time you made me dip my spring rolls in that other sauce you claimed was the best thing in the world?", he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Just try it, Lan!", you insisted, getting one from your plate, dipping it in the sauce and taking it up to Lando's mouth, your hand under the chopsticks in case some of it fell on his clothes.

Lando chewed it before nodding and humming in satisfaction, "is it good", he admitted with a smile after he wiped his lips.

Once you finished eating, you helped Lando bring everything back to the kitchen, saving the leftovers on his fridge, washing the plates and putting them away.

"You didn't have to help, I could've done it myself", Lando nudged before he laced your hand in his and pulled you back to the living room, "do you want to watch something?", he asked.

"There's this new Disney movie I haven't watched if you're up for it - or any of the shows we usually watch, I'm not picky", you answered quickly.

"Disney it is", he smiled sitting down and resting his arm on the back of the sofa, hoping you'd sit next to him and cuddle him.

You shuffled around before grabbing the fluffy blanket, pulling it over your legs and tentatively closing the distance between you, taking the plunge and taking a spot on his chest.

Once the movie was playing, Lando's arm dropped to wrap around you, lulling you closer to him and rubbing your arm.

"I can hear you thinking, and I'm sure you're not thinking about that little goat", you nodded to the screen.

"I'm watching the movie, I swear - and he's quite funny actually! He's also Mila's favourite character, at least he was last week", Lando chuckled, "but I was also thinking about us", he admitted.

"You were?", you turned to look up at him, wanting to know more.

"You do know I will apologize for what I did until the end of our lives, don't you?", Lando reflected out loud.

"Lando, stop it, it's forgiven and forgotten", you offered.

"Is it really?", he asked, a small smile breaking his way into his lips.

"It is, it's behind us now", you kissed his clothed chest.

"I will never forget it, though. It doesn't matter how many times you tell me to forget it or that you've forgiven me", he let out a shaky sigh, "I don't think I will, I hate myself for what did to you, the hurt that I caused you".

"Lando, let's not talk about it right now - not now, not ever. It's a part of our story, yes, and we learned from it, but I don't want to to remember every day. We are good now, and I don't want you to torture yourself with something that is out of your reach and that you can't change", you told him sternly, now sitting back against the sofa so you can face your boyfriend, "Promise me we won't mention this again, Lando".

"You're right", Lando agrees, "Okay, you're right, I promise, Y/N", he stated with a smile.

Your delicate lips peck his quickly before you go in for a second kiss, longer and more intense this time, and you both got lost in eachother.

You couldn't change what happened, but you could learn from it and work everyday to make sure it never happened again.

Lando was crazy about you, about who he was when was with you and how you made him feel, and you felt the same way about him.

"I love you, Lando", you smiled after you pulled away, resting your forehead in his.

"I love you forever, Y/N", he whispered, sealing his promise with a peck and bracing himself, "I'm never taking you for granted, and maybe this is a big gesture and I'm not sure how much this fits our new way - new patch? It's not a patch if we want it to last forever, right? - anyway, I would like to ask you to move in with me", Lando stated, "it doesn't have to be tomorrow or right away, we'll do it when you're ready! I just- I spend so much time of the year away as it is, and I don't want to cut the short time even shorter when it comes to you, so this way we'll be together for a bit longer - even if it's just at nightime and we can intertwine our legs or I can warm up the bed for you", he rambled on and you were sure he wouldn't stop anytime soon.

"Hey, hey! Lando, baby", you cupped his face with your hands, "look at me", you smiled as you straddled his lap, your thighs on each side of his and keeping you from fully sitting on him, "good now?".

"Well, since you're already there - sit, please", Lando added before he allowed himself to stress about your answer.

"I don't want to squash you", you mumbled.

Laying his hands in your thighs, he pulled you down, "I said sit down", he spoke sternly despite the playful glint on his eyes, "it's my home after all, I get to make the rules".

"Oh, I thought it was our home, but maybe I misread th-", your playfulness was cut short as your boyfriend flipped you around, your back hitting the soft sofa cushion with a yelp.

"You're moving in? For real?", he asked.

"Yes, baby, I'm moving in", you cupped his cheek, pulling him for a kiss, "I love you".

"My love, I'm going to spend everyday reminding you how beautiful, how strong", he started kissing your face with every word, "how kind, how amazing, how sexy, how hot, how smart, how kind, how incredible you are", he stopped just above your lips, "how all mine you are - I love you Y/N, forever", before he kissed your lips.

#lando norris imagine #lando norris fanfic #lando norris x reader #lando norris fic #lando norris x you #lando norris fluff #lando norris angst #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #f1 fluff #f1 angst #ln4 x reader

[jinkiezzsstuff]

Hello!!! i’m not sure if your doing requests or not. but i was wondering if you could do an Alastor x reader and everyone is doing movie night and i wanted to know his reaction to the said chosen movie Bambi, I’m currently whatching bambi and thought about this😅

Hiya! I thought this was such a cute little dabble in could do, so i got it out pretty quick! I never explicitly stated i do request but i do! Perhaps i’ll make a formal request post but for now i will take the ones that do come as they do. I really hope this is what you imagined i haven’t watched bambi in years! Xx

Movie night

PT 2

Words: 830

Alastor x gn reader

Warnings: Nada really, just bambi’s momma died rip disney love killing parents also could be read platonically or romantically

“C’mon please.” Charlie begged you, hands clasped in front of her as she gently bounced on her heels. She was in the middle of begging you to talk Alastor into watching Bambi for tonight’s movie night. An exercise thought up by Charlie to have all of the patrons sit quietly and enjoy something together as a group, no fighting, no judgement, just relaxation as a unit.

But of course Alastor wasn’t a fan of said “picture shows” so Charlie enlisted you to do the sweet talking. After some more begging on Charlie’s part you gave in, knocking on Alastor’s door. You could already hear him humming happily to himself on the other side, sound increasing as he got closer. When he opened the door to you he visibly perked, seemingly pleased to see you. “Hello dear, what can i do for you?” Standing out of the way he outstretched his arm towards the inside of his bedroom. Smiling you gladly stepped in, feeling fairly comfortable around the demon and his presence at this point.

“Well, Charlie wants to have a movie night, everyone voted for Bambi, thoughts?”

“Ha, no.” Alastor cackled promptly shutting you down, it rolled off your back though, you expected this kind of response. “Y’know Al, the TV was a staple of 1936, and Bambi came out in 42, that’s ten years tops away from your time. It’s a musical too so up your alley, technocolour and it’s about deer. This is your movie man!” You exclaim excitedly, Alastor watched you theatrically explain with a fond look.

Once Alastor sighed dramatically you knew you were in. “Alright dear i’ll watch this silly moving picture with you.” Smiling, you stood tall linking your arms to his. “That’s why they call it a movie, it’s moving. See Al, not so bad you already know the lingo.” Alastor said nothing as you dragged him along amused by what he presumed was your nonsensical ramblings.

Once in the room with all the lights dimmed, a large tarp pulled over a fireplace, since Angel professed that “Projecta’s are just betta” as the excuse to not use a TV. Alastor snapped his fingers, changing both his and your clothes to loungewear of the 1930’s which you decided not to argue against due to him being so receptive of the whole movie thing. Once settled down, you mushed against the arm of the couch and Alastor, beside Alastor Husk, who kept a great inch from Al. And ontop of Husk, Angel, who wouldn’t leave no matter what Husk, or Al said.

Nifty sat in a little rocking chair, compliments of Alastor, Pentious was curled up with the egg bois, on the floor, and Vaggie shared a large bean bag with Charlie cuddled in together. At first things were fine, Alastor’s radio would hum along occasionally with the tunes, and you watched his ears occasionally flick at certain sounds in the movie.

It wasn’t until Bambi’s mother died that things went astray. Something in Alastor ticked, and suddenly he was pin straight unmoving and it was concerning. By this point everyone was zoned into the plot or sleeping- it seemed like only you noticed his change in demeanour. Softly placing your hand on his arm you asked for him to accompany you to the kitchen for some water, Alastor of course agreed being the gentleman that he is.

Once away from others ears you gave him a pointed look, one that told him he’d better tell the honest truth. “Is everything alright Al?” You asked, watching as he leaned forward on the island looking toward you who stood on the other side. It looked as if he was searching for an excuse, but you weren’t letting up so easy. Walking toward him you met his eyes. “I can keep a secret.” You promise in a whisper. Sighing static Alastor seemed a little peeved about your pestering but nonetheless didn’t blame you. “I suppose it reminded me of my mother, i’ll never see her again. I’m a lonely orphan deer, hahaha,” Alastor chuckled dryly, cocking his head side to side as he laughed.

“Not to mention those hunters are buffoons, most of the prize lies within a buck and their antlers. No sense in hunting doe really.” Alastor finished explaining, he felt weak humanly so, but he always did with you, it was like your very presence was truth serum and he couldn't help but sing out the truth whenever you’d ask him for it. With a gently hand against his shoulder you gave him a tight squeeze. “Maybe one day you’ll be able to see her again, I hope you can.”

Alastor hummed not paying much attention to the sentence, but he was at least happy he did have you, after all he told you many things, and you did manage to keep it to yourself. Composing himself again Alastor stood tall. “Well let’s go finish this movie dear! I can’t just walk out now!”

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel imagine #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel oneshots #alastor hazbin x reader #alastor x reader #alastor hazbin hotel x reader #alastor x you #hazbin hotel alastor x reader #alastor hazbin hotel #alastor x y/n #hazbin hotel fluff #alastor x reader fluff #hazbin hotel x you

[hopelesslyromanticshark]

i would just like to thank you for your service of providing us with pjo/hoo fics daily. i’m pretty sure i’ve read every single jason fic (he’s so underrated and no one really writes for him) put there and im so happy to be able to read new ones. i also love reading your percy and leo fics. percy and leo were my first loves but jason has my heart now that im older.

would you consider doing something with jason x hades reader. where reader feels ostracized at both camps and with her family bc she just has creepy vibes seems mean but she’s really just shy and insecure because people treat her badly and leave her out of everything (including her siblings) and he notices and tries to get closer to her to make her feel more welcome. and ends up getting the hots for her.

also would you consider ever doing a jason or percy smut down the road? i loved the leo smut you just posted. i don’t have any prompts.

thank you in advance!! have a great day :)

⋆⭒˚.⋆ jason grace x daughter of hades! reader hcs

content: jason grace x daughter of hades! reader hcs warning: language author's note: i used the word 'stupid' so many times im not even sure if im spelling it correctly anymore- THIS ONE WAS FUN BLOW THIS ONE UP YALL I BEG also, id be willing to do some small smut in the future but i think the ideas have to be my own bc i get a little uncomfy when its requested, ya know??? but idk, that's subject to change

you tried to connect with people, truly you did

you were funny and kind and confident and had the natural ability of just the right amount of sass at all times

but, simply because you were a daughter of hades, people tended to steer clear

even in camp jupiter, which you snuck into with nico to see your sister, hazel

and your siblings tried their best, but they each had their own friends and boyfriends

so, you refused to let them see they got to you

you developed thick skin, beginning to push people away before they could do it to you

until the stupid son of jupiter showed up, just wrecking through all your walls

you had been training by yourself, no one interested in a fight with the daughter of hades, when he popped into the arena, that stupidly bright smile on his stupidly perfect lips

"hey! y/n, right?"

"yup," you replied, dryly and halfheartedly swinging at the dummy

"cool...wanna spar?" he offered, his stupid smile somehow getting brighter

"pass, sparky," you huffed, instantly putting the sword away and going to leave the arena but he caught your arm, causing you to look up at his stupidly handsome face while he looked down at you

"okay, do you want go visit the naiads then?"

"no?" you replied, with a raised brow and frown

"hmmm. okay, how about the strawberry field?"

"...did nico put you up to this?" you asked, dryly

you'd yet to tug your arm free, you realized

you also didn't want to, which was the second thing you realized

"nope. free will is a beautiful thing, huh?" jason joked, his scar twitching with his smile.

"hazel?" you offered and jason laughed, shaking his head

he readjusted his hold on your arm so that now, your guys arms were linked together and he started walking (really, dragging you)

"still no. is it that hard to believe that i just want to hang out with you?" he questioned, his smile slipping slightly as you darted your eyes away

"yes," you bit out, ripping your arm loose before stomping away from the stupid, stupid, son of jupiter

you figured that would be the end of his endeavors

that you finally scared him off like everyone else

but no

he was insistent and persistent

...but he was growing on you

like mold, is what you told yourself to make it feel better

where ever you went, he seemed to follow like a bright shadow

though, there was one place you got some small reprieve from the stupidly smiley boy

(though, as time went on, you started wanting him around too)

your father's place, which you visited whenever nico did

and, ever the intuitive one, he could tell something was off with you

while nico doted on and climbed your step-mother's pomegranate trees, you were half-heartedly sipping at your pomegranate lemonade, curled up in some iron garden chair

"is something wrong, principessa?" hades asked, "you've barely drank any and i know it's your favorite."

"wh-what?? no, no, i'm- i'm okay, dad. no, no, i'm great, yeah," you sputtered out, rapidly taking a large drink to prove a point

"she has a crush!" nico called as he hung from the pomegranate tree, smirking upside down at the girl

you jumped up, grabbing a nearby skull and hurling it at the boy, which send him slamming into the ground with calls of indignation

"that's nothing to be ashamed of, my dear daughter! do tell, you know i love to know everything," your father laughed, leaning forwards and resting his head against his hands in intrigue

"you're not gonna like it," you murmured, shrinking in on yourself

"as long as it's not zeus' blasted blonde boy, i'm sure-..." hades halted as saw the way you shrunk in even more at his words before sighing

"great. more blondes," he huffed and nico and you shared a look, before erupting into laughter

with your father's (sort of) permission, you came back to camp with a new determination

jason found you easily, jumping up from his seat and rapidly approaching you, asking about your visit with your father

"dandy as always," you mused with a soft smile, causing jason to beam down at you

"you're in a good mood," he pointed out, gently

"well, you've got that effect on me, i guess," you flirted, looking up at him through your lashes and tilting your head slightly

jason flushed, instantly, coughing slightly

"wh-what? y/n-"

"let's go to the woods, jase. c'mon," you quickly redirected, grabbing his wrist and dragging him towards the forest

you were giving jason whiplash and he couldn't find it in him to want you to stop

you dragged him behind you, slowing to a stop as you glanced around, ensuring no peeping toms before turning back to jason, who was looking only at you

something he did often whenever you were around, like his eyes were unable to pull from you

"you've ruined my life, you know," you started, shoving a finger into his chest.

jason laughed, tilting his head at you in question as he could tell you were joking from the twitch of your face

"deepest apologies," jason replied, "how, exactly, have i ruined your life?"

"by being so stupidly you, jason grace. your stupid smile, your stupid jokes, your stupidly handsome face, your stupid lips-"

before you could get another word out, the boy was kissing you

and you were kissing him

and it was stupid, all the time you wasted not kissing his stupid lips with your stupid lips

#postcards from covey ౨ৎ #all my love ౨ৎ #pjo #pjo fandom #heroes of olympus x reader #hoo #jason grace #jason grace x reader

[zoozvie]

You are there when Obanai gives Mitsuri her socks.

Pairing: Platonic or Pre-Relationship Obanai/Mitsuri/You

Description: Short little scene rewrite of when Mitsuri gets her gift. I imagined You to be a Hashira as well, but not much detail is described outside the scene.

Note: If you notice, first names are used in this story unless one character is addressing the other, as it is respectful to use last names. This is a time when you are still using formal honorifics, however, I hint that You and Mitsuri are closer because you don't use the "san" honorific. 1.2k word count. Not beta read.

Cross-posted on Ao3! Do not repost!

Conversation slowed as everyone indulged in their food. Mitsuri was already on her fourth bowl, impressively holding conversation with you while eating the first few rounds. You weren’t as sure of your ability to talk and chew so you only picked around some of your favorite food that you ordered. The both of you took up most of the conversation and more so directed your responses to include the very quiet man who sat next to Mitsuri. Obanai wasn’t as energetic as you and Mitsuri, but he seemed content with the sole cup of tea he ordered to listen to both of you chatter.

The silence washing over your table wasn’t uncomfortable, but the natural break in topics was the perfect opening for the Serpent Hashira to finally interject.

“Here,” Obanai reached out to hand over a pair of green striped socks to Mitsuri, and you had to wonder how long he had been carrying them. The Love Hashira paused her eating to stare at him wide-eyed.

“Huh? What’s this?” she politely covered her mouth when she spoke, making you smile into the next bite of your meal. Mitsuri was very cute.

Obanai was facing the opposite way to look out the window, avoiding any eye contact from either of you while Kaburamaru stretched between the two in front of you. Mitsuri stared at the fabric in Obanai’s hand, before looking at you questioningly. You just covered your mouth while shrugging your shoulders, hiding your grin at the two’s awkwardness. 

With more urgency, she repeated, “What’s this? Iguro-san?” 

“Take them.” He simply responded.

Mitsuri beamed, “Huh? For me?!” she asked a little redundantly.

Seconds went by before he gave a curt nod of his head, still completely facing away from her. Kaburamaru may as well have been acting as his eyes, the serpent taking in Mitsuri’s reactions and giving you glances every once in a while. You couldn’t stop grinning if you tried.

Mitsuri was all too thrilled to be given a gift. “Whaaat? I’m so happy!” She squealed in delight while gently taking the stockings. “I’ll treasure these! I promise!” 

It certainly was a considerate gift, Mitsuri had just gotten her official Demon Slayer uniform and was too polite to decline the rather provocative female version. You even offered to get a new one for her that was more comfortable and modest, but even with promising not to hurt the creep that fitted her she said she didn’t want to cause any trouble and was fine with the outfit she had as is. The only thing troubling her was how cold she was going to be while moving so quickly in the skirt, which is one of the things she mentioned when you were walking together to the restaurant. How convenient for Obanai to have a solution on hand. You were entertained at all the material you could tease him with but held back for now.

“You don’t need to treasure them.” Obanai dismissed her.

“Wahhh really? But that would be such a waste.” She pouted while inspecting the stockings. You almost chuckled when you saw they matched her eyes. And hair for that matter.

“It’s fine.” He finally turns his head around to look in Mitsuri’s direction, no doubt still avoiding eye contact. “If they get ripped, I’ll just give you a new pair.”

You almost choke. The food you were chewing goes down too quickly and you hurriedly cough and face away from the table. Mitsuri’s call of concern for you is sated by a wave of your hand, as you go to pick up your cup to clear your throat, only to find it empty. Your cheeks are slightly red as you set it back down and try not to cough again until a different cup of tea is placed in front of you, and surprisingly it’s Obanai’s hand that’s retreating from it.

You nod politely in thanks and drink from his tea, cooling your nerves from your near embarrassment. You catch Mitsuri agreeing and telling Obanai her thanks again.

Once you’re in shape to talk again, you can’t handle holding back anymore. “Iguro-san, you’re saying Kanroji shouldn’t treasure the stockings you gave her because they can be replaced.” With both of their attention on you, you slyly sip from your new drink. “So does that mean she should treasure you instead?”

His eyes narrowed in betrayal that he really should have expected as Mitsuri perked up, eager to please.

“Oh! Oh! I can do that! Iguro-san don’t you worry, I will treasure you until the day I die!” She blabbered and Obanai turned away once again, but not before you got the satisfaction of seeing a hint of red appear around the edges of his bandages.

“What are you saying? That’s ridiculous.” He dismissed.

“Huh?!” 

You chuckled. Being an instigator wasn’t your core personality - unlike people like Uzui who take it way too far, you grumble - but in the few times you’ve been near Obanai, to be able to pick up on his fondness for the bubbly pink-haired girl must mean he’s got it bad. You couldn’t help stirring the pot. Obanai was pretty cute too. 

You went in for the kill.

“Oh my, as the Love Hashira, I would have figured you’d know more about these situations…” you put on a cheeky show by feigning embarrassment to what you were alluding to.

Mitsuri’s face was frozen until red flooded her entire head, you thought steam would come out of her ears. Her mouth opened and closed comically as her head whipped back and forth between Iguro and you.

“Ehhhhh? What’s that? Are you saying this was a declaration? Huh?! A confession?! Iguro-san, is that–”

“Enough making jokes.” Obanai cuts through with a deadly warning in the way he says your name. His multi-colored eyes glare menacingly at you, and if you wanted to make another joke about – is he scolding you for teasing him or Mitsuri’s honor? You’ll never know – you are persuaded against doing so lest he takes out his sword in the middle of the restaurant.

“Okay okay, sorry Kanroji. I’m just poking fun.” you try to diffuse her embarrassment. They both seem to let out a breath of relief, which amuses you greatly, and the small clicking of Mitsuri’s chopsticks is the only sound coming from the two as you make a quick trip to the counter.

When you return you have a new steaming cup of tea, “For the record, I don’t think treasuring you is a joke Iguro-san.” you say placing it in front of him. His posture stiffens and you can only see one of his eyes, studying you. Kabuarmaru moves closer in your direction and you use the distraction to avoid looking at either of the Hashira. Lifting a curled fist to the snake, his tongue darts out quickly which you know means he’s smelling you. Obanai relaxes some when you smile gently at his friend. 

“You’re very sweet,” Mitsuri says your name. “You may tease your friends, but I know it’s because you really care about them. And if that’s true I don’t mind being teased by you, but only if you let us return the favor!” she grins with her fists cutely in front of her. Both Obanai and you are silently thankful for her breaking the tension between you, and your meal together continues as it once did.

You match Mitsuri’s smile, “I wish you luck in your endeavors, Kanroji-san.” You respond, jokingly formal, and she giggles.

If you got to spend more time with Mitsuri and Obanai, where's the harm in that?

#imagines/prompts master tag #imagines #demon slayer imagines #obanai iguro #mitsuri kanroji #kny hashira #kny mitsuri #kny obanai #obanai x mitsuri #obanai x mitsuri x you #obanai x mitsuri x reader #kny iguro #iguro x mitsuri #iguro x mitsuri x reader #mitsuri x reader #mitsuri x obanai #iguro x reader #obanai x reader #iguro x mitsuri x y/n #x reader #hashira x reader #demon slayer swordsmith village arc #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #demon slayer x y/n #demon slayer x you #demon slayer x reader

[dbnightingale24]

Fog In The Mind, Desire In The Heart

A Dark Curtis Everett Love Story

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Surprise! I decided to take a small break from the three novels I'm writing (I promise that your updates are coming!!), and finish the damn Curtis Everett one shot I promised you guys years ago. It may take me forever to get to the point, but I do eventually get there, in my defense. Anywho, this is a lot shorter than what you all are used to, but I hope you all enjoy it just the same! As always, thanks to the amazing @fuckingbyefor the moodboard! Here we go!

Word Count: 9911 (yes, you read that correctly)

Warnings: SMUT (MINORS DNI 18+), Slight Snowpiercer AU, Slight Age Gap between Edgar and Reader (work with me people), Curtis Everett, Daddy Kink, Non Con/Dub Con, Drinking, Plotting, Self Hate, Loathing, Betrayal, Swearing, Angst, Mild Violence, Anger, Pining...I think that's it?

Songs That Inspired This Story: I'd Walk Through Fire For You, Just Let Me Adore You

Summary: Everyone stuck in the tail section dreamed of a better life for themselves. Everyone except for Curtis. For him, his better life would start when you were happy and by his side, no matter who he had to force out of the way.

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I do not give consent/permission for my stories/works to be posted/published elsewhere. I do not condone this type of behavior, this is for entertainment purposes only.

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~~

For as much as you hate Curtis, he lives rent free in your head all day. You sit at the bar that Nam so lovingly bar tends day in and day out, listening in and out of the conversation he makes almost every night.

“Right now isn’t the time, but you’ll see...the world will be livable again. Maybe another year or so, but we’ll be able to get off of this fucking train,” he tells you tonight, an echo of the same thing he’s been saying every night for the last two years.

“What did Curtis say?” you snicker, putting your empty glass down as he reaches for your favorite poison: whiskey.

“He’s busy,” Nam simply shrugs, refilling your glass with ice and the dark brown liquid.

“When isn’t he?”

“Y/N, you know what happened to Edgar-”

“He’s gone, Nam,” you snap unintentionally. “Whatever the hell Curtis meant to happen, didn’t. Edgar has been dead for two years and all the while we wait for the great Curtis Everett to come up with a fucking plan to make all of this not seem so shit as it is,” you sigh before downing your drink.

Your reasons for hating Curtis are very simple and clear for everyone to understand.

Everyone except Curtis.

You remember when you first boarded onto the stupid train that “saved” your life. You remember them ripping you away from your Mother, who sacrificed herself so you could have a chance at life, and her promising you that she’d meet up with you later on in the train.

She never did.

You know she only did it because she knew it was the only way you’d board the train, but the anger feel towards her never leaves.

It never has and it never will. 

That was the first time you saw him.

You were put into a group of young teenage girls, a place you barely belonged since you were almost 17, and you felt a pair of eyes on you. 

It’s not like that was uncommon, but it didn’t help anything. In fact, as time went on, on the train, you found that a lot of men had their eyes on you. You were beautiful, soft spoken but also opinionated, and kind. You were so understanding and helpful, unlike almost everyone else on the train who gave up hope as soon as the doors closed.

They all did their best to make you notice them, Curtis more than most, but you were more than happy to keep to yourself. 

At least, that’s until Edgar came of age. While he was younger than you by a few years, he was persistent and the only one who could truly make you smile and laugh. For as tense and gloomy as things could be, Edgar always found a way to soften everything. The first few times he asked you out (well, too hangout on his bed), you said no because of the age difference. 

“Who cares?” he laughed as he followed you to the little hospital section they had set up in one of the train cars.

“Clearly I do!”

“It’s not that bad!”

“Edgar-”

“What could it hurt? We’ll split a protein block, a cup of water, talk a bit, and I’ll walk you back to your bunk. It’ll be fun!”

“Edgar-”

“You know you want to, I see it in your eyes.”

“No Edgar,” you smiled softly before making your way to the children’s bunks to read them a story.

“You’ll say yes, you’ll see!” he called with a soft smile, before he turned and made his way back to his bunk.

After that, he didn’t let up. He asked almost every day until you finally caved and said yes. From that moment on, you two inseparable (after you both finished your daily chores). You loved to spend time reading to the children and he was more than happy to accompany you. The kids loved him anyway.

“What do you think about us having one?” Edgar asked one night as you two laid together after sex.

“Having one what?”

“Child?”

“Fuck no!”

“Shh,” he laughed softly, stroking your hair. “Why not?”

“You can’t be serious, babe. We live on a fucking train, the shittiest part of the train I might add, the world is frozen, the front end comes and randomly takes children whenever they please-”

“It won’t always be like this, plus, Curtis has a plan.”

“Oh? What plan is that?” you scoffed

Edgar had always been Curtis’ biggest supporter.

“Why don’t you believe in him?”

“It’s not that I don’t believe in him, but I’m not willing to follow blindly behind him. Everyone else is, and I just don’t see a reason to,” you shrugged.

“Y/N-”

“You asked me a question and I gave you an answer. It’s not my fault that you don’t like the answer, baby.”

Curtis had always been the one thing that got in the way of your relationship with Edgar. Edgar would willingly follow Curtis, no matter what he said or what he did, and you weren’t buying into any of it. Sure, Curtis seemed nice enough and he was kind when he wanted to be, but there was also a silent anger to him. A silent anger that always seemed like it could go off at any time. 

Plus, it’s not exactly like he was thrilled when you and Edgar started seeing each other. Once again, a lot of the men weren’t, but everyone could see how happy you were. How well you and Edgar fit together. Curtis, on the other hand, rolled his eyes whenever he saw the two of you together. 

“Why don’t you come and help us tonight? You always have an idea-”

“No,” you laughed and Edgar scowled. “That’s your thing, not mine.”

“If you’d come, you’d see there’s nothing to hate about-”“I don’t hate Curtis!” you snapped softly and he rolled his eyes, “I just...something isn’t right there. You all just follow and believe everything that he says, and that’s not okay.”

“You always find a reason to doubt him and hes never given you a reason to.”

“And hes never given you a reason to trust him so much!”

“I’m not having another argument about this-”

“Good, because I’m tired of him somehow always becoming the center of our relationship.”

“Y/N-”

“You’re gonna be late. Go.”

You hated arguing so much with him about Curtis, but he didn’t know the things that you knew about him. Besides the fact that his eyes always lingered on you for far much longer than they should have, you knew about the things that Edgar was too young to remember. You knew what happened to his Mother, you knew what almost happened to Edgar, and you knew that Curtis would stop at nothing to get what he wanted.

Besides, by the way he watched you like you were his prey, you knew he’d stop at nothing to get you. So, when it was finally time for the “great uprising” you begged Edgar to stay behind with you.

“We’ve spent too long planning and plotting for me to stay behind-”

“You can stay with me!” you sobbed and he shook his head.

“Trust me! Believe in me! I can do this!”

“Edgar-”

“We’ll have a future, children, space-”

“I just want you! Please-”

“I’ll come back to you and you’ll see. I promise you, it’ll be okay. I love you.”

That was the last time you saw him alive.

When word got back to you how he’d been killed, and who let it happen, something inside you snapped. You became violent, you lost all patience, you attacked anyone who got in your way as you started on your own journey to the front, and you led everyone who had stayed behind to the front of the train with you. By the time you got there, Wilford had been killed and Curtis was the new leader. Of course, no one noticed all of the changes in Curtis’ attitude, as if you all owed him your lives, because he’d apparently made your lives better. He made changes that made years of suffering finally seem like they had been worth something. 

Everyone except you.

“Curtis wants to see you,” one of the girls tells you as she approaches the bar. 

Sansa, who’s his regular girl. 

“Just give him time,” Nam repeats softly, filling your glass one last time. 

You roll your eyes and down your drink before you follow Sansa to the very front of the train.

This isn’t the first time you’ve been called to his bedroom. Hell, it isn’t even the 100th time. Not long after the battle ended and changes were made, Curtis Everette made it very well known to everyone on the train, that you are his absolute favorite. Not so much with his words, but with his actions. He’d made it seem as if it were out of honor for Edgar, but the way he watched you let you know that, that was bullshit. No, he never called you into his bed, but he also made sure to never let you get close to another man again.

He made sure you never had to work, you never wanted for anything, you always had fresh clothes waiting for you, and you had one of the best rooms on the train. 

“Edgar sacrificed his life so you could have a better one. It only makes sense that you have the best of everything,” he whispered the night that he’d helped you settle into your new room.

In return, you’ve made it known that you’ll always despise him.

“What?” you snap the second you step foot inside his room.

He looks at you with his bourbon shot eyes, and you scoff. He’s in one of his moods.

“You could be a little nicer to me, Y/N.”

“Everyone on this train is nice enough to you. Now, what do you want? What’s the point of giving me a room if you never actually let me stay in it.”

“What’s wrong with you today?” he sneers, pouring himself another drink.

“You’re still here and Edgar isn’t.”

“Edgar made his choice-”

“Edgar worshiped you and blindly followed you into battle, and you couldn’t give less of a shit about what happened to him.”

“That’s not true!”

You scoff and narrow your eyes at him, “then why do you call me here every fucking night?”

“I’ve never done anything-”

“I know you’re not drunk enough to lie to me,” you warn with a snarl.

No, technically Curtis has never done anything to you, but hes found ways to...mess with you. 

He’s had you stay in the rooms while hes fooled around with other women, sometimes multiple at once, if he gets drunk enough, he watches you bathe and get dressed, hes gone out of his way to show you just how badly he wants you, and he never lets you stay away from him for too long. No, he’s never forced himself on you and taken you, but hes always been just a few steps away from doing so.

With Edgar out of the way, he’s free to do whatever he pleases.

However, the problem is, Curtis wants you to want him. He wants you to burn for him just as bad as he burns for you. At one point, that would’ve been possible. It was never that you found him unattractive or unapproachable, something just always seemed...off. Now that, that’s been confirmed, you’re repulsed by the man.

Even if you do still find him painfully attractive.

A sick smirk comes to his face as he makes his way over to you, “I’ve never done anything that haven’t found yourself enjoying.” “Yes, because I love spending my nights watching fuck other women.”

“Could be you.”

“You can let go of that dream. If it never happened before, it sure as fuck isn’t gonna happen now.”

Without warning, he’s gripping your neck tight and forcing you against the wall, and you do your best to ignore the fluttering feeling in your stomach.

“You can pretend all you want to, but I know how bad you want it. I hear you at night when you think I’m asleep. The pathetic little moans and whimpers, and your desperate begging.”

Your eyes go wide and he chuckles darkly.

“You’re not as slick as you think, honey.”

“It’s not for you, so don’t go getting a big ego.” “It sure as shit isn’t for Edgar, even when you were fucking him regularly. He could never truly satisfy you. Not in the way you needed.” “You’re a bastard!”

“How many times did you picture me every time he fucked you, hmm? How many times do you picture me when you’re alone in that cozy little room of yours?”

You don’t know what the hell has gotten into him, because he’s never been this forceful with you before.

“Never!”

“You should be thanking me,” he growls, his grip on your neck getting tighter as he leans in close. “Maybe I should stop being so fucking nice to you and just take it.” “Don’t you fucking dare!”

“What will you do, huh? The only crying you’ll be doing is when I’m done with you and you’re begging for more of my cock.”

Of all the fucking times to be turned on.

“Curtis-”

“You fucking want it,” he continues, “even now, I know that little pussy is crying to be touched. To fucked until it’s ruined!”

You push him off of you and glare at him.

“Admit it! You orchestrated all of this so you could-”

“He knew what he was getting himself into! He knew the chance he was taking-”

“He trusted you!”

“That was his fault!”

There it is.

“So you admit it!”

“I’d do it again! Why did he deserve you but I didn’t?! I still don’t?! After all I’ve done for you?!”

“You’re monster!”

“Sticks and stones,” he smirks before pressing you against the wall again. “Maybe I should show you just how much of a monster I am.”

His lips are on yours and when you try to push him off of you, he doubles down on his efforts. Squeezing at the stitches in his other arm, he hisses in pain, dropping his glass and backs up for just a moment. He slaps you hard before going in for another kiss, but you’re quick to knee him in the groin.

“Bitch!”

You’re quick to run out and make your way to room, not sure of where else there is to hide, and before you can slide the door close, he’s pushing you in and slamming it shut behind him.

“Get out!”

“Get on the fucking bed!” “Curtis-”

“Fine, you want this to be rough? I can be as rough as you want me to be, baby,” he promises as he locks the door.

“HELP!”

“No one is going to go against me, no one is going to save you, and no one is gonna feel bad for you. Scream all you fucking want, they’ll know you’re just enjoying it,” he promises with a sinister smile.

Seeing no other way out of this, you rush him against the wall and just start hitting him with all the power you have in your body.

“I’ve never had to work for it,” he taunts, easily pushing you back. “Never had to make a bitch admit just how bad she wants me!”

“I hate you! I want nothing to do with you!”

“Is that what you’d tell yourself every time you’d make eye contact with me while he was fucking you? Looking down at me as he fucked up into you, telling you just how much he loves and adores you?” he counters, easily wrapping an arm around your waist, easily throwing you down on the bed. “When you knew I was getting off to your hushed moans? You didn’t want anything to do with me then either? You didn’t want me making you scream?”

You hate that he has a point because, to an extent, you did want one him at one point. You wanted him bad. It’s part of why you’d turn down Edgar so many times. No, you never had any intention of pursuing Curtis, but you were attracted to him. Far more than you were to Edgar, and you felt incredibly guilty about it. You would’ve been content to be alone, but Edgar never relented and you eventually found it cute.

Of course you knew what Curtis was doing whenever the two of you locked eyes, but you truly never thought he’d let Edgar get killed so he could get you. The worst part of it is, even now that you know the truth of it all, you still want Curtis. In some sick way, the fact that he did something so horrible just to have you all to himself drove you insane in the worst way. You aren’t losing the fight because he’s overpowering you, you’re losing the fight because you’re tired of fighting it.

“Don’t get quiet on me now,” he snickers as pulls his top off and throws it across the room. “Don’t tell me that you’re a filthy little liar,” he presses as he rips your top open.

“Leave me alone!” “No, I’m done waiting around,” he husks, pulling your bra down. “Fuck!”

“Curtis-”

“You’re gonna shut the fuck up and you’re gonna enjoy everything daddy has to offer you,” he warns before dipping down and enveloping his right breast in his mouth; lewdly licking and sucking on it in the most depraved way.

“O-oh! Curtis!”

It’s been so long since you’ve been touched by anyone else.

“That’s right,” he mumbles before nipping on your nipple, while his other hand works on undoing your jeans, “I know exactly what you need, you little bitch.”

Your breathing comes heavier as his hand makes its way down into your panties, finding your overstimulated bundle of nerves.

“You’re fucking soaked!”

“Stop-”

“Stop fucking fighting me!” he warns, his other hand making it’s way around your throat. “You fucking want it! You’ve always fucking wanted it!”

You’re not sobbing because he’s doing something wrong, you’re sobbing because he’s right. Edgar would probably be alive if you’d just kept saying no to him.

“That’s right, baby. Just let me take care of you,” he moans, easily sliding a finger into you.

“Curtis,” you moan, bucking your hips forward.

“So beautiful, baby,” he coos, finally giving your other nipple attention, “waited so fucking long!”

“Oh fuck!”

You do your best to block out all images of Edgar and every feeling of guilt you felt. For whatever reason, Curtis wasn’t letting you go tonight and you didn’t want him to.

“You can barely take two fingers,” he groans, adding another thick finger to your sopping cunt as you rake your nails across his back. “Gonna have to get you ready for me. God, these fucking tits!” he husks.

“Please!” you whimper, feeling both pleasure and pain at the way he’s pulling you apart, “don’t fucking stop!”

“We’re gonna be at this a while,” he promises with a smirk as he picks up his pace. 

He resumes his assault on your left nipple for just a bit longer, before he finally starts leaving a trail of sloppy wet kisses down your body, pulling your pants down along the way. 

You’ve never had a guy go down on you before. Before you’d been put on the train, you’d only had sex twice and the both of you were inexperienced. When you were with Edgar, you two weren’t free to explore much. The most you’d been able to do was give him a blowjob, even that was uncomfortable.

“So fuckin’ pretty for me,” Curtis purrs against your pussy lips, “been waitin’ for me.”

The first lick is just a tease and you whine in protest, the second is right against your clit and whine his name as you dig your nails into his shoulders, and with the third he’s finally diving right in and claiming you as his own with his tongue.

“Oh God! Don’t fucking stop!” you beg pathetically, your legs starting to tremble as he massages your clit with his thumb. “Fuck!”

The sounds of his of his pornographic moans and roughness of his beard on your thighs somehow make you even more feral, and you can’t resist looking down. The sight of him buried between your legs has you biting on your bottom lip to keep from screaming. As if he can sense your feral gaze on him, you he looks up with a devilish glint in his ocean blue eyes, which have now darkened with twinges of desire and lust, as he starts fucking you faster with his tongue.

Your mouth hangs open and you’re right on the edge when he removes his tongue.

“What the fuck?!” you cry out and he chuckles darkly.

“I shouldn’t fucking let you cum at all,” he bites as he thrusts two fingers inside of you, causing you to buck your hips forward, “but I’m gonna get this tight little pussy ready for me,” he promises again.

The intrusion of a third finger has you throwing your head back in both pleasure and pain, and you try to push his hand away.

“None of that, fucking take it! Take it and then you’re gonna take my fucking cock,” he demands gruffly, applying more pressure to your clit with his thumb.

“Ngh- too much! Curtis please!”

“Then fucking cum! What, you don’t know how? Was it really that bad with him?” he taunts with a condescending chuckle.

You shouldn’t clench around his fingers the way you do at that.

“Not such a fucking saint after all, huh? Just a hungry little cock whore. Say it,” he demands lowly.

Biting down on your lip to keep quiet, you shake your head ‘no’.

Slapping one of your tits hard, he repeats, “say it!”

“ ‘m a cock whore!” you cry out, squirting hard and coating his wrist.

That’s new.

“Jesus fuck,” he growls.

He fucks you through your high, lapping up the mess you made, while you try to come down from your high. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you know how wrong all of this is, but you can’t focus on that right now. The pleasure is all consuming, and you can’t think on anything other than how much you want Curtis.

How, in some dark and twisted way, you’ve always wanted Curtis.

The sound of him unzipping his pants brings you back to reality, and you know you’re going to hate yourself in the morning. Hell, you hate yourself now. 

“Don’t ever make me fight this fucking hard for you again, you understand me?” he warns, kicking his jeans and boxers off of him and your bed.

You watch him with wide eyes and it’s as if he can read your mind.

“Don’t you dare try and fucking run from me now. You’re mine, you’ve always been mine, and you’ll always be mine.”

He takes his angry red cock in his hand, stoking it a few times, before dipping down and kissing you like you’d finally been returned to him after years of being held captive. The taste of you and whiskey mix together perfectly, intoxicating you, and you moan into his mouth, as both of your tongues fight for dominance.

“You are mine,” he broods once you two break apart as he spears himself inside of you.

“Shit!”

He lets out a strangled groan, “gonna make you feel better than you ever have before!”

He’s relentless as he fucks into you, knowing exactly what you need as you trail kisses down his neck. 

“Y/N,” he whines when you find that spot on the crook of his neck, biting down on it hard before using your tongue to soothe the pain. “Fuck! What a good girl,” he praises and you flutter around his cock. “My pretty girl likes that? Being my good fuckin girl?”

You’ve never been so full in your life and the only response you can muster is a pathetic moan, sucking even harder on his neck. 

“That’s right, baby. Mark me up...make sure they know I’m yours,” he growls, using one hand to pin your waist down, while the other pins your hands down to the bed above your head.

You don’t even care that he’s using you as his own personal rag doll, because you need it. You both need it. So many years of anger, frustration, and denial have finally come to a head, and it feels good.

It feels so fucking good.

“Oh God! Daddy!” you cry out, wrapping a leg around his waist as he finds a spot within you that you didn’t even know existed.

“Fuck, there it is!”

“Too much!”

“No it’s not, you’re gonna make a mess for me again,” he demands as his movements start to become erratic. 

The hand he’s using to pin your waist to the bed travels down between the both of you, and you let out a choked sob as he starts to massage your clit.

“So beautiful, baby. Love you so fucking much,” he grunts, and you’re not sure if he means you or your pussy.

Your mind is so full of fog that you truly don’t give a fuck.

You turn your head away as you feel the knot in your core tighten and he whines, “look at me...waited so long, let me see you, baby. C’mon...let daddy see you come apart.”

Forcing your gaze on him, there’s something equally soft in his feral blue eyes, and you know you’re done for. No matter what you feel in the morning, you’ll want this again and again.

You’ll want him again and again.

A silent scream leaves your mouth as your orgasm washes over you, the leg around his waist falling to the side as you make a mess between the both of you.

“That’s a good girl...milk my fat fuckin’ cock, baby,” he groans, resting his forehead against yours as he paints your inner walls with his love.

Well, you’ve fucking done it now. 

He peppers soft kisses from your forehead to your cheek, as he rides out both of your highs, whispering sweet nothings into your ear as he finally releases your arms. When he finally stills within you, half hard, you let your arms fall to your sides and close your eyes, feeling more full and desired than ever before.

Feeling more guilt than you ever have before.

You’re almost asleep when you hear, “clean daddy off, honey. We’re just getting started.”

He chuckles when he looks down at the confused look on your face.

“I told you: we’re gonna be at this for a while.”

You’re not sure what the hell has gotten into him, and why he’s so forceful tonight, but he keeps you up for hours in positions you’ve never even dreamed of. Exhausting your body over and over again, his lips covering every inch of your body that they can, and his hands exploring every part of you. It feels like heaven, and there’s a pitiful shame that washes over you with each orgasm. You lose count of how many times he tells you he loves you, and how perfect he thinks you are for him, and soon you’re just a mindless doll ready and willing to do anything he wants. You’ll give him anything as long as he continues to lessen the embarrassment that’s come with you finally giving yourself to him.

“That’s it, baby,” he grunts from behind as you lull your head back, “ride daddy’s dick just like that. Like a fucking cowgirl!”

“Ngh!”

“I know you’re tired,” he coos against your neck, his beard making you shutter as he strarts groping your breasts with both hands, “gonna fill your perfect little pussy one more time, I promise!”

The thought of you leaking with his release again has you clenching around him.

“You love being so full of me, don’t you?”

You just nod as you grip his thick thighs, digging your nails into them.

“I know, baby. Just needed daddy to show you who’s boss, didn’t you? Too ashamed to accept what I was so willing to give you,” he moans, kissing your neck as one of his hands travels between your thighs.

“DADDY!”

“So loud for me and I fucking love it! You’d never be this fuckin’ loud for him, would you?”

You lazily shake your head ‘no’.

“Didn’t deserve you...he couldn’t make you happy like I can. Like I always will,” he promises as he slaps your cunt.

That’s all it takes. You scream his name as your body spasms and you make a mess for what feels like the millionth time. He pulls you close, filling you to the brim, as your body relaxes against his.

“What a good girl,” he praises softly, his own breathing shallow as he guides your waist to ride out both of your orgasms.

You’ve never been so exhausted in your life.

You honestly have no control over your body at this point, so Curtis has to guide you off of him and onto the bed. You flinch when you feel some sort of fabric between your legs, cleaning you up.

“I know you’re sensitive, just a few more moments, baby,” he coos.

Well, he’s certainly much happier now that you’re a useless and mindless mess.

You feel the bed dip from behind you as he gets in, pulling the cover over the both of you before pulling you close to him. The fight that’s left in you isn’t enough to kill an ant. Instead, you just relax against him as you drift off into unconsciousness, hoping that all of this is just a very strong dream crafted from loneliness and desire.  

The last thing you hear before you succumb to darkness is, “I love you.”

~~

“Y/N,” a soft voice calls as a pair of hands shake your gently.

You blink a few times, coming back to reality and trying to separate your dreams from reality.

“Y/N? Curtis wants to see you in his room.”

Curtis.

All of a sudden the pain in your face and body catapult you back into reality. Shame washes over you, as well as an intense amount of guilt, and you curl into yourself. God, how could you give into him? How could you get off to some of the cruel and lewd things he said? What the fuck is wrong with you?

“Y/N? Did you hear me? Curtis-”

“No,” you respond softly, pulling the blanket tighter around yourself.

“He told me not to take ‘no’ for an answer,” the woman responds mournfully.

You say nothing, silently crying to yourself and wishing you were anywhere else. Wishing you could get away from your one true forbidden desire.

“Y/N, please,” the woman begs.

It’s not lost on you that she’ll more than likely have hell to pay, but you can’t face him. The more memories come flooding back, the more you want to the train to swallow you whole. To add insult to injury, arousal pools between your legs as desire takes over your body. What the hell came over the both of you last night, and why did you let it win? There was a time that you would’ve fought till the last breath in your body to keep Curtis off of you, but last night, you barely put up that much of a fight. You didn’t want to.

You hear your drawers open and what you assume are clothes landing on your bed, and you just pull the cover over your head. He got what he wanted out of you, so why can’t he leave you alone? What else could he want from you?

‘I love you.’

There’s no possible way he could’ve meant that. He was drunk. He treats every other woman on this train like his own personal pleasure toy, so what makes you any different? So special?

“What did I tell you last night about making me fight for you?”Curtis sighs as he walks into your room, closing the door shut behind him.

You were so lost in thought that you hadn’t even heard the woman leave.

  When you say nothing, he pulls the cover from you, “come on, Y/N. Don’t make me get forceful.”

You just pull your legs tighter to yourself and cry harder.

“What?”

“Please...just go away.”

“Y/N-” “You did it on purpose, Curtis. He loved you and you just...”

“You didn’t seem to mind that confession so much last night.”

“Which makes me just as awful as you if not worse,” you sob, once again realizing just how terrible you are. 

Edgar loved you unconditionally and you let the man responsible for his death fuck you like a beast, willingly giving him orgasm after orgasm.

“Honey,” Curtis tries to reason, going to touch your arm, but you pull away.

It’s insane how you can long for and hate someone’s touch so much at the same time.

Letting out another frustrated sigh, he pulls the cover back over your body and steps away, “fine.”

You can hear the pain in his voice, but he should feel like garbage. You both should. The sliding door to your room opens and closes again, and you’re finally on your own again. As you continue to cry, you if you’ll ever know peace again. If you aren’t, how long will it take you to allow yourself the comfort of Curtis?

Curtis’ P.O.V.

What the fuck is wrong with me? It’s not the first time I’ve gotten drunk and tormented you, but to attack you like that? Confess the truth in such a condescending way? Of course you want nothing to do with me now that the fog has cleared. Yes, what I did was fucked up, but I’ve been right about you since day one.

You wanted me all along.

It’s not like I didn’t care for Edgar, and he deserved more from me, but he didn’t deserve you. Watching him with you was like a knife to the chest every day. Hearing your moans and whimpers every night that he was inside you? Those were mine. They were for me. That’s why you always kept your eyes focused on me. You knew it just as well as I did. Maybe you’re the real monster in all of this, because you used him just as much as I envied him. 

You weren’t happy, you were never going to leave him, so I took charge. I didn’t expect for any of it to work out like it did, but it did nonetheless. I figured if I gave you enough time and space, you’d come to me, but my patience could only last so long. Venting to Nam night after night only helped so much. 

Two fucking years.

Two years of me watching you, two years of me making every other man on board afraid to get close to you, two years of me being a lesser version of myself...two years and you still never cracked. I have a fucking train to take care of, I couldn’t keep spending all of my time and energy just trying make you jealous enough to give him.

I was all set to let it go and let you do whatever the hell you wanted, until I walked past your train cart yesterday morning.

“Fuck Curtis...fuck me just like that,” you whimpered so softly, I thought I imagined it.

Looking into your room made me cum instantly. You were completely naked, eyes closed, head lulled back, and riding your pillow. You’d never looked so fucking hot before, and that was my name leaving your mouth. Not Edgar’s, mine. I no longer needed you to fucking say you were mine, but you’d just confirmed it.

“Gonna cum so soon, daddy! Fuck!”

I couldn’t get it out of my mind, and my frustration wouldn’t leave my body. Why the hell were you fighting something you so desperately wanted? 

Because you’re not a monster at all.

Even without my confession, you’d always known the truth. I could’ve saved Edgar, but I didn’t. I made a million excuses as to why I couldn’t, and everyone believed them. Everyone except you. Of course you wouldn’t allow yourself to be with me. Not without force. So, after I finished up everything I needed to take care, I got drunk. I had planned on being level headed, but you came in with that fucking attitude, and I fucking lost it.

How the hell were you annoyed with me? I made sure you had the best life, and you were still ungrateful. Once again, I could’ve saved Edgar, but you wouldn’t have left him. You would’ve married him and had his fucking his kids, and what right did he have to you? What right do any of the guys on this hell hole have to you? None of them will ever love you like I do, they’re not gonna satisfy you like I do, and they’re never gonna care for you like I do.

You just needed to be shown, so I decided that I was done waiting. I knew you’d put up a fight, but I didn’t expect it to get me so worked up. I didn’t mean to hit you so hard, but you were being difficult. Squeezing the stitches in my arm? You knew better than that. It wasn’t as easy as I’d hoped, but when you finally surrendered, it was more than worth it. You were a fucking dream, better than anything I’d ever had or imagined.

How could I feel bad about Edgar when I finally had you right where I wanted you? Where I’d always wanted you. I didn’t have to say all of things I did, but we both knew they were true. You’d always wanted me, he’d never truly satisfied you, and you’d always wanted me. Whatever your reasons were for choosing him over me didn’t matter anymore, because you finally admitted everything. Yeah, it bothered me that you never said ‘I love you’ back, but I also know I can’t have everything I want at once. I know you do, and when you’re ready, you’ll admit that too. 

“She’s not here,” Nam says softly, pulling me out of my thoughts as he enters.

“No, she’s back to hating me,” I mutter with an eye roll. “I did everything wrong.”

“Did you explain?”

“Nope, I did the exact opposite. I took what I wanted and expected her to fall in line.”

He lets out an irritated sigh as he runs a hand through his hair, “Curtis.”

“Yeah, I fucking know, alright?”

“What now?”

“I’ll go back and see her tonight. I’ll talk to her. She loves me, she just needs some encouragement to see it. To admit it.”

“Be gentle, Curtis. You get angry and you don’t think.”

He’s not wrong.

“Did you hurt her?”

“We both hurt each other, but it’s not like she didn’t like it.”

“Is that what happened to your arm?” he asks, pointing to the bruise.

I scoff with a nod, “yeah, little devil.”

“She’s tough, I’ll give her that,” he laughs, taking Kronole out of his pocket.

“Will you stop with that shit?!”

“You beat women, I get high,” he shrugs.

“I don’t beat women,” I quickly counter, trying to keep a lid on my anger.

I really didn’t mean to hit you so fucking hard. Fuck.

He just rolls his eyes, “Should I send Yona to look after her?”

“No, we have work to do and we need Yona and her ability. I’ll send one of the girls to check on her and give her food.”

I know I should be the one to do it but with how you were this morning, I know we’re basically right back where we started.

“Curtis, should I send for Y/N again?” Sansa asks, poking her head in, disdain dripping into her words.

I can see the pain in her eyes, but I can’t bring myself to feel bad. She may be a regular, but she always knew she wasn’t permanent. All of them know. 

“I’ll see to her later. Make sure no one comes in except Yona,” I instruct dismissively.

“Yes sir.”

Yeah, I’m an asshole, but I’m an asshole who’s in love with and made better by you. The sooner you see that, the sooner things will be as they should. In time, you’ll see.

In time, you’ll understand.

~~

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“Here, take mine,” a deep soft voice told you.

You looked over to your right to see that Curtis had taken a seat next to you, and he was holding out his protein block.

You shook your head and pushed it away, “oh no, it’s perfectly fine-”

“You’re hungry-”

“What will you eat?”

“I don’t like the way they taste,” he shrugged.

You laughed to yourself, “no one likes the way they taste.”

“Won’t haunt you like the taste of human flesh though.”

He had a point there.

“Go on, take it,” he offered again.

“You have to eat something. We’re all barely hanging on as it is.”

“Y/N-”

You offered him a half smile, “we can split it.”

He contemplated your offer before he nodded, “deal.”

You miss that Curtis. The one who showed remorse for his actions, cared about those around him, and was actually trying to help everyone and not just himself. Ever since Gilliam took him under his wing, there was an heir of arrogance to him, and it made you want him that much less. It got worse after Edgar got killed and Gilliam soon followed.

God, how could you still fuck him after his confession? If anything, that should’ve made you fight harder. Instead, in a sick way, it turned you on even more because it showed you just how much he wanted you. How much he’d do to make sure you’d always be his and his alone. 

Maybe being on the train for so damn long that it’s fucked with you more than you thought, or maybe you’re just that awful.

The servers have been trying to feed you all day, but the only thing you’ve consumed is alcohol. It’s the only thing that’ll keep demons and thoughts of self-hatred at bay. Plus, for as much as you shouldn’t, you do feel bad for Curtis. The man told you he loves you a handful of times last night, brought you to euphoric bliss time and time again, and you let him hold you close last night, just so you could ice him out today.

As much as you don’t want to believe that the mad man loves you, somewhere deep down inside, you know it’s true. A man doesn’t let the closest person he has to a best friend die over someone he doesn’t love. Yes, you knew Edgar could get on his nerves sometimes, but never enough for Curtis ever want something truly awful to happen to him. It’s not like you ever meant for things to become a sick and twisted games, but they had and the end result was the sweetest man you’d ever known getting killed.

All of this was your fault.

“You haven’t eaten today,” a soft voice rings out, stepping into your room.

“Please go, Curtis. You got what you wanted. Just go, I’m sure Sansa and the others will be happy to keep you company tonight.”

He sits down in front of you and takes your face in his hands, “I don’t love Sansa and the others.”

“Curtis-”

“Why have you been crying all day?”

You’re more than sure the look on your face screams, ‘really?’.

“It’s not like it was something you didn’t already know-”

“Stop being so fucking callous about it!”

“Why? I’d do it again, honey. I have no problem admitting that. If I had to do it all over again, I would without hesitation.”

“What the fuck is the matter with you?!”

“I love you, Y/N. I think I’ve made that pretty clear for some time now, and I’m not going to watch you be with some other man. I don’t give a fuck who that man is.”

“You can literally have whoever else you want-”

You yelp when he effortlessly picks you up and pulls you into his lap.

“The world could be the way it’s supposed to be and I still wouldn’t want anyone else. You were meant for me and I was meant for you. If people have to die for you to understand that, then so be it. I will never love anyone the way I love you, so stop thinking that this is just some fling to me,” he warns, his gaze on you tense and serious.

His words should make you afraid of him but, instead, they make you want him more than you did the night before.

“You don’t-”

“Who else do you want me to make disappear, hmm? How do I make you believe me?”

“Curtis...stop.”

“I love you.”

“That’s not love-”

“Why should I go about this the normal way? We’ve all had to fight to stay here, and I’m willing to fight for you. I will always fight for you because you’re mine, just like I’m yours. I love you.”

For now, you’ll just blame the alcohol as you lean in and kiss him softly. Just like the night before, he runs one of his hands through your hair and grips it tight as he deepens the kiss, his other arm wrapping around your waist and pulling you as close as possible.

He broods against your lips once you two break apart, “that’s right, baby. You’ll always be mine.”

“This isn’t right-” “Who gives a fuck about right and wrong when it feels this fucking good?”

“Curtis...”

“Just give into me,” he pleads before kissing you again, “give into me because you love me just as much as I love you.”

Once again, the fight leaves your body and you’re just giving into what you want. You kiss him deeply as your legs wrap around his waist, grinding against him. 

“That’s it honey,” he breathes with a moan, the tip of his nose ghosting over the outline of your cheek. “I won’t take anything you don’t wanna give me. Just like last night.”

You know good and damn well he’s saying that because last night he did force himself on you, but you both knew you were desperate for it. You both know you’ve been desperate for him for a while. It’s evident that he wants you to acknowledge that, but he’s gonna need to work a little harder for that. 

“If you truly love me, then show me,” you sigh as he bites and sucks on your neck. “Show me how much you need me to be yours.”

You must have awakened something feral in him because, instantly, he’s picking you up and standing up with almost no effort at all, and carrying you out of your room, quickly make his way towards his. Part of you wants to protest, because you’ve seen what he’s done with other women in his bed, but another part of you is desperate for it because it is his bed. Anyone else who was on it before you won’t ever matter again, because you’re all he needs.

He growls as he tosses you onto his bed, “take your fucking shirt off before I rip it off.”

You honestly don’t need much prompting. Between the amount of alcohol coursing through you, and the desire that you’ve been suppressing for years, you’re once again willing and ready to do anything that he wants. You whimper when he pulls his off and tosses it to the side, quickly getting to work on undoing his pants.

Yeah, you’re still sore from yesterday, but the pleasure always outweighs. You’ll take aspirin after.

“I thought I already fucking showed you,” he husks roughly, fitting your legs around his waist once on the bed and on his haunches. “I didn’t get my point across last night?”

You bite your lip and shake your head no, holding his gaze as you wrap your arms around him. 

He smirks as that devilish glint comes back to his eyes, “let me be firmer this time,” forcing you down on his cock.

“AH SHIT!”

He keeps a firm hold on your waist as he starts bouncing you up and down on his cock, “you’re mine, Y/N. Always have been and you always will be!”

You cry out as you lull your head back, “oh fuck, daddy!”

“Eyes on me, baby. Gonna make sure it sinks in this time,” he chuckles darkly.

Honestly, all you can do is hold on to him, and he doesn’t even make that easy. He spits on your cunt a few times before easily wrapping one arm behind your waist to keep you in place, and shamelessly slapping your clit with the other hand.

“Please....please!”

His condescending chuckle only makes you clench around him, “fucking pathetic.”

He dips down, the tip of his tongue lightly licking between your breasts and moaning as he licks up the sweat, before latching his mouth onto your right nipple and sucking on it as if it’s his favorite lollipop to exist.

You whimper, feeling safe in his strong hold, as you run a hand through his buzzed hair, “feels so good, daddy! The way you love me feels so good!”

Releasing your nipple with a ‘pop’, he looks up with brooding dark eyes, “and no one else will ever make it feel this good,” he promises.

Without warning, he starts massaging your clit with more pressure than you’re prepared for, and you’re screaming out his name as you make a mess between the both of you.

“So messy and all mine,” he praises, his voice strained as continues to fuck up into you. “Always been all mine, haven’t you?”

Once again, you’ve been turned into a mindlessly babbling toy.

“No answer?” he taunts, his breathing as he stops all together, laughing sadistically at your pathetic whimper. “Guess daddy still hasn’t made his point clear.”

He drops you down onto the bed, flips you over with ease, fixes your knees so your ass is propped in the air, before thrusting himself inside of you again.

“Aht!”

“You’ve always been mine, haven’t you?” he growls, fucking into hard and fast.

You just whimper into his pillow as claw at his bed, but he isn’t having that. Wrapping one arm around your waist and snaking it up between your breasts, he grips your throat while the other hand grips your hair tight, and he pulls you right.

“Use your fucking words,” he demands gruffly, fucking into you harder, “you’ve always been mine?”

“Y-yes!”

“Yes who?”

“Y-yes...y-y-yes daddy!”

“Always gonna be mine?”

“A-an-anything you w-want!”

He growls into your neck as you feel him spill into you, “fuck baby!”

Once again, there’s nothing going through your mind but fog and your body is exhausted. If he wants more from you, you’ll give it to him, but you can honestly fall asleep in his hold right now. He loosens his grip on your neck, and you take a deep breath, not even realizing how tight he’d been holding onto you. Lazily fucking you both through your high, he presses small, wet, open mouthed kisses along your neck.

His breath comes heavy and he sounds just as tired as you feel, “get the message this time?”

You nod as weakly attempt to fight off sleep, “mhm, you love me.”

The next question comes with a hint of fear, “do you believe me?”

“Mhm, yes.”

“Do you love me?”

The answer comes effortlessly, “yes Curtis.”

He’s gentle with you as he pulls out, growling as he watches the mix of your juices run down your thighs, and he lays you down. Once again, you wince when some fabric gently wipes over your extremely raw and sensitive flesh, and he gently hushes you. This time, when he gets in bed with you, you’re pulling him close and resting your head on his chest.

You’re too tired to fight it.

“I love you,” you repeat before effortlessly falling asleep.

~~

Once again, when you make up, you need a moment to adjust to your surroundings. The soreness is quicker to make your acquaintance this time, and you remember that you’re in Curtis’ room.

The very front of the train.

That’s when you realize you’re alone in his bed, and you’re slow to sit up and look around.

“I’m here,” he calls softly.

You look to the side and see him sitting across the room, sweatpants on only, hunched over, and resting his head on his hands.

“You should lay back down, I’m sure you’re sore.”

You keep your eyes on him as you slowly lay back down, “what’s wrong?”

He’s not wrong about you being sore. 

“Nothing-”

Scoffing as you prop yourself up on your elbow and rest your head on your hand, “you’re gonna start lying to me after the last two days we’ve spent together?” and he laughs softly.

“It doesn’t matter right now-”

“Curtis, what’s wrong?”

There’s a softness to his features, and it’s a softness you haven’t seen in a long time.

“I love you.”

You look down and play with the hem of the bed sheet.

“That’s the problem right there.”

“Curtis-” He sighs as he sits up, “I’m not complaining.”

“It’s not so easy for me, okay?”

“It was last night when you were drunk, and I fucking knew better. I knew better, but my emotions...” “There’s a lot that I have to come to terms with, and I’ve only had two days to do it.”

“Well, do you?” “Curtis-”

“It’s a simple yes or no question-”

“It’s not simple! I was with Edgar, and no matter how I may or may not have always felt about you, I did love him and you let him get killed. No, I’m not innocent in all of this, but he loved and trusted him and you betrayed him.”

“That was different-” “How? How am I supposed to know you won’t ever do something like that to me?”

“Because this is different! This isn’t even remotely close...since I laid eyes on you, I knew that you were meant for me, and I for you. I may have been 17, but I’d never been so sure of anything in my life. I still haven’t been,” he states, slightly hurt that you would even make a claim like that. “I know what I did was fucked up, that’s not lost on either of us, and I’ve done my best to show and prove to you that I’m sorry, because it wasn’t right. Edgar didn’t know, but you did. You knew and you felt the same for me.”

“Curtis-”

“Well you did, you can deny it all you want, but we both know it’s true.”

“It doesn’t matter-” “Well, why you’d pick him?”

You scowl and lay on your back, “you don’t want the honest answer to that question.” “I can handle it.” “Lets not-”

“Just tell me!’

“I really don’t think I need to, Curtis! There’s something wrong with you! Something in you is unhinged and it shows!” you snap, sitting up and facing him.

He sits back and lets out a heavy sigh, and it breaks your heart, but he’s the one who wants to know so bad. 

When he says nothing, you continue, “there’s something that flips a switch in you, and this darkness comes over you. You’re moody, argumentative, and violent. Anything can set it off and, while I get it to an extent, enough shit had happened and I didn’t want to deal with it. You would be so soft with me at times, but you could easily lose your temper with anyone else...with the exception of Gilliam. Edgar was kind, funny, and sweet. No, it wasn’t ideal, but I felt safe with him and I didn’t have to worry about him losing his shit on me. So yes, I had feelings for you, but I chose him. I know you took him under your wing out of guilt, but you were also jealous. The more he trusted you, the more you took advantage of that. It made me resent him. Then, when he went off with you for the uprising, I knew he wasn’t coming back. You wouldn’t let him.”

You can see the anger in his eyes, but he knows that he can’t call you a liar. Everything you’re saying is true and he’s not about to try and make a fool out of you.

“I did it for you,” he responds after a moment. “You don’t have to believe it, and I know you didn’t see it, but I did it for you. I’ve always wanted to keep you safe, take care of you, and have you by my side. Everything I’ve done has been for you, and while some of it has been less than humane, I’d do it again if it meant you could be happy. If it means you can have a better life, I’ll do it, and I don’t care who I have to hurt.”

“Curtis-”

“I don’t care how crazy any of it sounds, because you have to be crazy to survive in this world. I’d do anything to give you a better life and see you happy. I love you, Y/N,” he tells you softly and sincerely.

You shouldn’t feel an overwhelming amount or love and joy for him, but that doesn’t stop it from washing over you. Is there a shrink on this fucking train, because you both need your fucking heads examined.

“I’ll ask you again, do you love me?”

Slipping out before you have a chance to stop it, “yes. Yes Curtis, I love you.”

Your heart swells at the small smile that comes to his face, as he finally gets up and makes his way back to the bed, and gets in next to you. You ignore the shameful amount of guilt that overcomes you, because what happened in the past can’t be changed. All that counts is right now and the future you and Curtis will create together. 

You rest your head on his chest and make little circles it, “how are you so sure, Curtis?”

“So sure of what?” he asks, stroking your shoulder and finally relaxing.

“That you love me. How do you know it’s not just an overwhelming sense of lust?”

He laughs to himself and kisses the top of your head, “because when all the fog in my mind settles, there’s still a burning desire for you in my heart. A burning desire to protect you, make you happy, hear your voice, see you smile, and to love you until there’s no breath left in my body. When the fog clears, there’s always a desire to love you with everything I have in me.”

Pressing a soft kiss to his chest, you look up at him, “I’m sorry it took me so long to finally get here.”

“You don’t have to say you’re sorry, just promise to never leave.”

“I promise.”

“I love you, honey.”

“I love you, Curtis.” 

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[eihwaz-y-d]

So I'm currently hyperfixed on Danny Phantom and DC crossover and I really enjoyed reading Danny and Damian are twins Au. I read a lot fics and promps but they aren't enough ( there are never enough great fics in this world) and I got inspired and got this idea and it won't let go of me.... So I decided to get it out of my system so that I can concentrate on my exams but I also want people to read and tell me their thoughts about it. So I thought I share the "rough work" and later I will edit and post it on AO3 but yeah. (some infos before I do know nothing and do what I want)

Here my work in process :

Twin skeletons

Danny just wanted to go to the astronomy exhibition in Natural History museum of Gotham city, just for some peaceful hours there nothing bothers him, maybe even go to the apartly new planetarium. Being away from Amity Park, his ghost hunting parents with their obsession with ripping him apart molecule by molecule and the whole ghost attacks  (he would be able to get a few more hours of sleep) was just a plus.

He was excited about the trip! His core was humming and he felt at ease, no ghost fighting and no one hunting him for a few days, just some peaceful days in the most crime ridden city in the United States. It would be like a vacation. 

But Danny should have known better than to get his hopes up, nothing ever goes according to plan for him. 

And let's be honest here, he really should have known better, his school trip goes to Gotham city of all places, the most dangerous city in the United States (one can never say it enough). Who in their right mind even though it was a good idea to take a few teenager, who only knows danger in form from ghost attacks and the driving skills of the Fenton family and have no sense of self protection, and take them to a big city overrun with guns and drugs and psychotic criminals and crime fighting vigilantes? The adults of Amity Park apartly. (maybe the adults have also lost every ounce of common sense they owned other the last two and a half years) 

But that is beside the point, the point is Danny just wanted to see the astronomy exhibition, not held at gunpoint from a red helmet vigilante,with really strange vibes that made his ghost sense go harwire, after some criminal bombed the museum and held them hostage for whatever reason.

The first day started so promisingly well, they were supposed to get a tour through Wayne Enterprise. The tour through Wayne Enterprise went pretty well and was interesting, if not a little bit strange. Danny had the feeling everyone at the company was looking at him then he wasn't looking. It was probably nothing, it happens in Amity Park all the time(he just ignores the fact that he is not in Amity anymore and the usual reasons he is in the middle of the attention, his parents or the ghosts, are not here at the moment. And he is pretty sure he is Danny not Phantom). 

The second day they had the Museum tour where they could room afterwards as much as they liked and Danny really, really wanted some time without Dash being the bully that he is. The tour was nice, and just as the nice lady wanted to finish the tour, somewhere in the building an explosion went off. 

The lady shrieked, Danny's classmates are either looking curious for the source or talking about ghost attacks vs. Criminals, while Mr. Lancer tries and fails to get everyone to calm down so they could evacuate and Danny just curses his rotten luck. 

The next thing they knew, there were masked criminals binding them with zip ties and taking them hostage because 'if we take hostages we have a better chance of getting away from the bats'. Their words, not Danny's. 

Not fifteen minutes afterwards -Danny thought about the pros and cons about doing something against these criminals himself - a red helmeted, leather wearing hero comes gun shooting towards their rescue. 

Hooray, lucky them. 

And now, he has the gun pointed towards his face. 

"What the fuck are you?!" Besides the electronic modulation, his growl was pretty impressive or a living human, although Danny was still not sure if the hero really was living. 

"Okay, first of all, rude. Second, what is your problem? And third, could you take the gun out of my face? I really like my shirt and it would be a shame if it got ruined with blood and brain mass." 

Red Hood did nothing for a long time but then he lowered his gun but did not put it away. Waving a hand behind himself in the vague direction of his class, grinning Danny speaks again. 

" Are we free to go? I think my teacher is either having a stroke soon or he thinks about taking you on, it will probably be a lecture about treating kids. On a second thought. Please do shoot, I'm not keen on being lectured again, but don't ruin my shirt. I want to be buried in it. "

Red Hood's hand twitched and Danny grin grew even larger, showing his set of fangs. It's a shame Danny can't see the hero's face, it would be hilarious to read his reaction but the helm or the modified voice didn't give away a hint of his thoughts but Danny hoped he was at least a little bit irrational.

"Whatever kid." 

Danny waved goodbye before going back to his classmates. 

Red Hood just stayed long enough to see the boy looking towards his teacher with what looks like his best innocent face. "Mr. Lancer, I suppose we can't perhaps go back towards the astronomy exhibition?" 

The teacher just signs and guides his snickering students out of the museum.

What the hell was wrong with the kid?! 

Jason knew he needed to tell Bruce about the kid, he was nearly a carbon copy of the demon brat, and another Robin clone was never a good thing, especially now then something big is about to happen and there is yet not enough to say what. 

He should really tell Bruce, Jason knew it but something tells him not to. The moment the kid stood behind Jason's back, he thought there was something dangerous, something absolutely terrifying, something that made the Lazarus water go crazy -and for a moment Jason thought he would go into the pit madness- but than it goes all quite, like the Lazarus water itself recognize the Apex predator and hides into the deep of Jason's soul. And it hadn't raised its head ever since. For the first time since his return his mind was quiet and peaceful. 

He should really tell Bruce about this kid. If he really is a clone of Damian, then….. Jason does not know but it would only end apocalyptic bad. And if he is no clone then it wouldn't automatically be better. 

Grinding his teeth, he dials Dick's number.

It didn't take long for the older man to answer. The surprise was clear in his voice. 

" Hey Jason. Weren't you-" 

But Jason didn't let him finish. "Dick listen, I-.... There…." 

He doesn't know how to say it, or what to say first. Fortunately Dick just wait patiently for Jason to speak again, There must be something in his voice that makes him listen. 

" I was at the museum when the hostage situation happened, there was a kid. There…. There was something about the kid. Something dangerous. I put a gun to his head and It frightened the Lazarus water. "

" What do you mean 'put a gun to his Head'?! Jason?! Wait-.... Did you say he 'frightened the Lazarus water'?"

"  Yes, I don't know how else to describe it. The Kid made the pit gone quiet, it's not gone but it's feels like it's hiding and it is quiet and…. peaceful in my mind for the first time since…. Since I returned. Dick. My thoughts, my mind, my emotions, they are my own again without fighting this damned madness."

He took a deep breath but before he can continue Dick speaks first. 

"Jason…" 

" I'm not finished. That isn't the only thing about this kid. This kid, he could be a carbon copy of the demon brat, maybe it's another clone, maybe it's not but Dick… I have the feeling the kid isn't human, he is dangerous and if he stands against us…. I don't think we stand a chance. "

The older man is quite for a long time and then he speaks again, his tone is dead serious. 

" We need to inform Bruce. "

With a deep Sigh, Jason answered. " I feared you would say that. "

Edit: Part 2

#danny phantom #batman #bat family #dp x dc crossover #dc x dp #dp x dc #jason tood #red hood #fanfic #work in process #batfam #fanfiction #twin skeletons

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is:  MuseumGiftShopEraser! They have 9 works on AO3 in the Stranger Things Fandom, and 6 of those are in the Steddie tag!

Our anonymous nominator recommends the following works by @museumgiftshoperaser:

Paint the Devil on the Wall

Conversations About Love

Now I'm A Stranger

An Exercise In Denial

Baby, You Were Meant To Follow Me

Her fics are BEAUTIFUL. When I first read Paint the Devil on the Wall I was so obsessed I immediately recced the fic to everyone I knew who would be vaguely interested in a steddie fic. -- anonymous

Below the cut, @museumgiftshoperaser answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

I stumbled into it immediately after season 4 came out. I’ve felt very attached to Steve as a character from the beginning of the show and I think I was subconsciously waiting for someone to pair him up with. I think they’re both such great characters to explore themes of dealing with expectation (either by conforming, or fighting against it) and that’s something I always love to write about.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

Absolute sucker for fake dating. Can’t get enough of it.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

Enemies to lovers! Though now that I’m looking through my AO3 I haven’t actually written that much of it. It doesn’t have to be very intense enemies, though. I just like it when characters don’t immediately get along.

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

My brain has been forever rewired by took you for a working boy by pukner. It’s such a gentle, nuanced queer story. It feels vulnerable to me in a way that really only fanfiction can be. Can I sneak in another one?? Because everyone should also absolutely read the shame is on the other side by scoops_ahoy. It taps into this very specific kind of queer compartmentalizing, that I’ve never seen written this well. It broke my heart and patched it right back up.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

I’ve been stupidly busy with my masters lately so there’s probably not a lot of writing on my horizon. I do have a wip called Doll that I’m slowly chipping away at. It’s a little darker than stuff I’ve written before. I know ‘dark’ isn’t really a trope, but I’m excited to see if I can push these characters a little further. 

What is your writing process like?

Absolute chaos. I write non-chronologically, without an outline, all in the same document. I keep writing snippets and scenes until the whole thing slowly comes together. 

Do you have any writing quirks?

Italicizing words for emphasis. I love it so much, you can rip it from my cold dead hands. It accidentally makes its way into my academic writing for my degree sometimes which is a little embarrassing, but I just love the flair of it. 

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

I don’t really do schedules, it doesn’t work for me at all. I try to make sure I have a decent amount of the story written before I start posting to give me a bit of a head start, but forcing myself to finish something by a certain date is a surefire way to kill my motivation.

Which fic are you most proud of?

Probably Paint the Devil on the Wall. It was the first time I’d written the entire story before I started posting so it went through way more rounds of editing than normal. I think you can really tell. It’s also the longest story I’ve ever written (in general, even outside of fanfic). The whole project gave me a lot of confidence as a writer.

How did you get the idea for Paint the Devil on the Wall?

I knew I wanted to participate in the Bigbang and the deadline was coming up, but I still didn’t have an idea. I decided to work backwards and try to think of something that would be fun for the artist(s) to draw. I had a vision of Eddie wearing dungarees without a shirt, absolutely covered in paint and I knew I had to write something to make it happen. I set the story in 80s New York because neo expressionism is really the only kind of art I could see Eddie making. I think it suits him very well. I do actually have a background in art, though! I’m currently getting my MFA, but I’ve worked full time as an artist for several years before that. I had a lot of fun working my passion for art (and all those art history classes I had to take) into the fic.

When writing Paint the Devil on the Wall, what was something you didn’t expect?

All of Steve’s character, to be honest. The fic is written from Eddie’s POV and for a large part of it he has a very hard time figuring out what Steve’s deal is. Right alongside him, I also had an incredibly hard time figuring out his character. It wasn’t until I was working on the final chapter that he finally clicked for me. I realized very late, just like Eddie, that Steve liked him from the very beginning. Most of the enemies to lovers premise was all in Eddie’s head.

What inspired Now I'm a Stranger?

Oh boy, that was forever ago! I remember I started writing it while I was camping with friends because I liked having something to do after everyone went to bed at night. I think I had the idea for that very first scene where Steve doesn’t remember Eddie and it all sort of spiraled from there.

What was your favorite part to write from An Exercise in Denial?

That was the very first fic I wrote, right after season 4 came out! I’ve never written something that fast, I think the whole thing took me less than a week. My favorite part was probably Robin being completely exasperated with both of them. They’re such complete idiots in that fic.

How do/did you feel writing Baby, You Were Meant To Follow Me?

Ahhh… I never got around to finishing that one. I probably never will, to be honest. I wrote the first two parts quite quickly and then the idea I had for the plot spiraled out of control and I realized I didn’t actually feel like writing the rest of it. There were going to be a lot of misunderstandings and I learned that I find that an incredibly frustrating trope to write (when done for drama at least. For comedy, I’m a sucker for misunderstandings.) So I guess I felt a little in over my head.

What was the most difficult part of writing Conversations About Love?

The ending! That fic is so incredibly personal to me and I knew from the beginning that I wanted it to have a very sappy, happy ending. It was important to me to write an aromantic character getting everything they wanted, but I realized as I was writing it that I don’t actually fully know what that means. So it took a bit more soul searching than fics typically do, but it was very much worth it. 

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

I still think the short little prologue for Paint the Devil on the Wall is the best thing I’ve written. “You don’t draw on things that aren’t yours, baby” is probably the best summary I have for that story.

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

Not really!

Thank you to our author, @museumgiftshoperaser, and our anonymous nominator! See more of @museumgiftshoperaser works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

#writer's wednesday #steddie #steddie fic recs #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve x eddie #stranger things #ao3 writer #steddie writers

[howlsnteeth]

hi, just wanted you to know that if you ever wanted to like. interest-dump about cotl and your thoughts about the lore/storyline and stuff as ive seen you show in your art, id read PARAGRAPHS. im so curious and love to hear about people's interest in game/story/media lore and the interpersonal relationships within the universe!!! - from an autistic system who has loved your art since like. forever. (u can call us moss)

okay hi moss :3

i'm kind of due for an infodump on my cotl headcanons, so! i'll try be somewhat concise because this is going to be a long post anyway rip. i drew some pictures :D

(i can't really think of any warnings to give outside of usual cotl themes/killed race/dying/blood/etc but let me know)

obviously watching the destruction of your entire race is traumatic as fuck, also because it likely took a few weeks or months to achieve. so they died pretty underweight/weak bodied/pretty shut down. the bishops are gone by the time lamb is revived by toww, and their body hadn't quite made it to a 'body pit' (or food pit). still, they get Their Bell from another of their race on the way out. probably weren't thinking about it too hard and just desperately wanted to grab something while their eyes burned in their sockets and this red crown fit like molded clay in their hand. my lamb has a little notch out of their left ear which was caused while escaping, which ends up never healing because of a few reasons but mostly because i like it.

over the course of the game/story they start to slowly physically change. after revival it takes scars a Long time to fade, considering lamb is technically a walking corpse, and also because of their affiliation with Death (narinder, who has similar i'll mention later). they get dark marked lines under their eyes from that classic 'bleeding eyes' action during rituals/etc. their ears but especially horns get longer and sharper. their way of coping is similar to most lambs, jokes and pulled punches.

by the end of the 'main game/toww fight,' they've already made their choice, and start flexing their control/communication with the red crown itself. it gets harder for toww to view through it, and lamb gets somewhat intoxicated with the idea of an ultimate revenge, having killed all the other bishops. they've done everything they can to stop their cult members noticing signs of weakness, but as things get more stressful this kind of rubberbands around to them seeming extremely unstable. by the time they go to fight toww they're muttering nonstop, barely aware, and also they let their wool get longer and basically end up with a mullet. <3 because it's funny to me

they obviously beat toww and for them it's like a smashing of clarity, like a gripped handle let go, standing up from the river of blood. it's freeing but also the most pain they've ever been in. and instead of killing toww this pit in their stomach spares him. lamb went from a corpse to a god and now, in some sick way, they want to watch a god turn into a living corpse, just like them. because with every other sheep dead, narinder is the only one with a connection to that genocide, the cause of the other bishops doing it.

narinder hates their fucking guts. obvs. he thinks, or knows, that lamb is doing it on purpose. but narinder's body hasn't been normal for far, far too long. even before he was made death (as in artworks i've done with him), his body turned skeletal and rotted away. lacerations open all over his body, but especially down his front torso. when he's first brought to the cult, lamb gives him red robes, also because of this 'problem'. but narinder does every single thing he can against them. he gets white robes and lets them turn bloodied and disturbing to everyone around him.

even washing them stops working, and lamb does resign slightly to letting him sit in his dirty stupid robes. it's the pettiest shit. narinder also keeps his veil, and lamb can't bother with a reason to take it away. let that dumbass keep his yuck robes and veil. you can only stick him the stockade for a week before your other followers get too concerned.

over time, they do end up getting closer, but it comes from a place from both being touched and changed by Death, the red crown, and the choices of the other bishops. it takes a really long time and only after all the other bishops have been recruited (another whole thing). both of them catch themselves enjoying little things, and then having moments of all the pain bleeding through. an example is over time narinder does end up wearing darker robes, but it's fairly gradual. in this piece, it's lamb getting too deep in the countless lives that were taken from their race, triggered by blood (a whole little story thing), and narinder does make the (semi subconscious) choice to wear dark robes.

anyway you're probably looking at that giant shadow in the picture huh. it takes a long time but lamb Does end up truly becoming a bishop.

not 100% done with this design, but it has the basics. their main horns end up breaking off (thinking of a story behind that still). the main thing with them that i really like is they have multiple strings of bells on them. so everyone starts associating the sound of ringing bells as Death. so if you hear them, they're coming for you. that being said, they also have the ability to move completely silently, despite being covered in bells. which adds to the scaring-the-fuck-out-of-everyone factor.

there's a ton more i could get into with the other bishops, ratau, the duck siblings, the crowns themselves, more aym and baal, but i'm probably gonna do more artworks with them so i can talk more then :3 this is already too long lmao

thanks for the ask though!! it's nice knowing people are interested in my stuff :D (it's also worth mentioning that i am also a system and have alters of lamb, narinder, and aym and baal, who all contribute to this stuff)

#barks #cotl #cult of the lamb #long post under cut

[okskz]

RIP.

mia + stray kids

mia has to say goodbye to a good friend.

hey my lovely peeps! don’t hate me for this, sorry!!! but hope you guys enjoy reading the post. as always, feedback is always welcomed :)

[9th member of stray kids]

mia threw herself on the floor, legs and arms spread out as she closed her eyes. “no more please!” she exclaimed. with kcon la coming up, the group had began rehearsals and they had been doing so almost the whole day.

chan chuckled as he went to stand next to the girl. she opened one eye then instantly closing it. “get away bang chan.” she huffed. “actually, I’m here to tell you it’s your lucky day.” he said.

now mia opened both of her eyes, “hm?”

chan continued to chuckle. “rehearsals are over.” he stated. “you guys did great today.”

everyone cheered and clapped and mia stood up straightaway. “yes! that means we get to go home!” the girl ran to gather her belongings and rushed out the door, leaving everyone behind.

but the girl came back in, laughing along. “come on team!”

everyone was walking together and that’s when mia heard her stomach growling. “oof, I’m starving.” she said. “channie! can we get food?”

chan nodded. “of course. all of us at our place for dinner.”

“I want pizza!” jisung shouted. “no! we had pizza last night.” minho said. “how about fried chicken?”

“no.” mia shook her head. “we had that two nights ago.” minho groaned. “so? we can have it again.”

“mmm, what about sushi?” mia suggested. hyunjin snorted. “do you not remember the last time you had sushi?”

mia made a grossed out face, remembering the last time she ate sushi she ended up with food poisoning. and she definitely didn’t want to relive going in and out of the bathroom the whole night. “okay, never mind.” she said. “so what?”

“how about a home cooked meal?” chan then said after the group entered the dorms. “not a bad idea.” seungmin said. “thanks for deciding to cook for us.” he smiled.

“yeah, leader. gracias!” mia chuckled, making her way to her bedroom.

chan sighed. “I guess I’m cooking tonight.” changbin stood next to him. “and you’re helping.” he said to changbin.

the group was making themselves at home, getting comfortable and chan and changbin in the kitchen to start prepping for dinner. felix it went ahead to join them.

but they soon became startled as mia let out a loud, crying scream. the boys rushed to mia to see what was wrong and when they entered the girl had her back facing them. “mia?” chan questioned. he was the one moving closer to her.

the girl turned around, red face, and tears running down her cheeks. she was sobbing and her lips were quivering as she began to speak. “he’s not breathing.” she choked out. chan looked down to see what mia was holding in her hands. his face suddenly changing to shock. “m-my flash!” she cried. “he’s not breathing or moving!” she cried louder.

jisung rushed to mia, grabbing their pet from her hands. “what do you mean?” he was in denial, didn’t want to think their furry friend was actually dead. jisung shook flash a little to see if he would wake up and nothing. now it was jisung to began crying.

“I don’t get it.” mia cried. “this morning he was fine when we left for rehearsals. what went wrong?” everyone else was silent as both mia and jisung were the only two crying. they felt bad for their two members, knowing how much they loved flash.

“he just can’t be gone.” mia’s face was covered with tears. “I’m sorry, noona.” jeongin hugged mia which made her cry even harder.

mia couldn’t believe it, her first pet ever who she loved deeply was gone.

the girl sat quietly in her bed after everyone had left her room. she needed a moment to herself. chan and jisung took charge of taking away flash to the vet to see what was next. mia didn’t want to go at all, still heartbroken of what happened.

she kept thinking of what went wrong for her pet to pass. was it her fault? did he eat something he shouldn’t? was it just his time to go? the possibilities were endless and mia would probably never know the right answer.

mia heard a small knock on her door, she didn’t notice she was crying until she was rubbing tears away from her face. “yes?”

jisung came in. “how are you feeling?”

mia shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. it just hurts.” she said. jisung sat next to mia on her bed. “I know. very upsetting seeing his little body not moving.” he sighed.

mia nodded, the thoughts coming back in mind from when she entered her room to check up on flash like she always did to picking him and instantly noticing something wasn’t right. then feeling her stomach drop when flash didn’t move and she noticed he wasn’t breathing either.

she shook the thoughts away. there was a silence between to the two as mia then remembered something else. she slightly smiled. “remember when we got him?”

jisung chuckled a little. “yeah, I do.”

“it was so easy to convince channie on keeping him.” mia said. “well he didn’t have much of a choice since we had already gotten him-“

“dinner is ready!” chan barged in. “sorry, didn’t mean to startle you two.” he softly smiled at mia, “you doing okay?”

mia slowly nodded. “I’ll manage.” she said. “you guys go. I’ll catch up.”

after jisung and chan left her room, mia slowly got out her bed. before she stepped out room, mia looked over at where flash’s cage was. he had his own little spot in her room. she softly smiled when seeing the photo next to his cage of her and jisung with him when they decided to do a little family photoshoot for fun.

mia was definitely going to miss her little best friend.

#stray kids au #kpop oc #kpop oc au #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #kpop imagines #stray kids fanfiction #stray kids 9th member #skz 9th member #stray kids 9th member au #bang chan au #changbin au #kpop au #kpop scenarios #kpop female oc #kpop female additional oc #kpop additional member #female kpop addition

[erosuguru]

Hi, I really love you're writings, it's so good!! Can I request a fem chubby reader with Shidou? Like the reader is being insecure about herself and Shidou fucking her in front of the mirror and telling her that he loves every inch of her body. Thank you so much btw! ❤️

hi omg tysm!! I kinda went crazy on this but i hope i did well dskjjjfbsjh :’)) shidou is so yummy idk how to explain it, I had to look up gross pickup lines for this lmao

Mirror, Mirror

Ryusei Shidou x reader, reader is female and chubby, all characters are 18+, Shidou and reader are in established relationship, Shidou being whipped for reader, approx 2.2k words

CW: NSFW, Shidou being gross, dirty talk, lots of groping, mirror sex, nutting inside, Shidou calls reader lame but cute pet names (pookie, sugar, sweetheart, baby) little proof reading

notes: this is the first request ive gotten and i kinda took a while on it kdshfkj kinda mad at myself cuz i had the chance to post it on his birthday but nOOO ugh either way enjoy !!

Shidou couldn’t care less about beauty standards, he thought the general image of beauty the people around him established was boring, he indulges in Gyaruo fashion, knowing his style wasn’t common he didn’t care about people’s staring; he knew he looked good either way (plus he has zero hesitation to fight so he welcomes any comment, the repercussions are not his fault though <3)

Whenever Shidou is around you, he has to blurt out an overly sexual or praising comment about your appearance.

The comments have a wide range, a simple “Lookin’ good, Sugar!” or a cheesy “Call me a pirate ‘cause just found some booty!”, and the worst of them, the explicit ones he whispers to you whenever your shared friends are around like “the condom In my pocket expires tomorrow, be a doll and help me use it?”

even if his words were crude it was nice to know someone found your body appealing and you never took it to heart given he was this sexual with his words with everyone. Shidou notices how much you prefer to wear clothes that hid your figure and it invokes some kind of internal struggle in him. on one hand, it made him want to rip those rags off you and dress you in something more scandalous. On the other, he told himself that you were hiding that pretty body because you don’t want anyone other than him to look at you

Shidou’s confidence boosts helped you see yourself in a better light but you still insisted on bigger sweaters and hoodies, it infuriated him, even after establishing a relationship with him your wardrobe didn’t change. That didn’t stop him from being handsy with you, always having a hand on you anywhere you two went.

If you were sharing a meal in a restaurant he had his hand on your thigh lightly stroking, if you were with friends he always had an arm around your waist as he chatted away about god knows what. His favorite by far is when you wear jeans, he could easily rest his hand in your butt pocket and watch you grow flustered, it was adorable how you acted so shy even though his hands were already pretty familiar with your body.

You had been staying in recently because of some doubtful thoughts that even Shidou’s comments couldn’t chase away, you spent your day trying to be productive by cleaning around your place then getting some work done on your computer before your loud boyfriend barged in with a package of cupcakes from the bakery you enjoyed.

You didn’t know which was worse, the fact that you wanted to stay away from the sweet delicacies or that your boyfriend caught you in your stay-at-home clothes consisting of shorts and a tank top.

Even as you tried shutting the door and telling him you’re busy, he insisted on coming in, although he kept saying he came by because he was worried- his excited expression said it all that this was the first time you wore something that showed so much skin around him.

Shidou stood in your living room and listened to you explain your recent absence as he was examining your physique, he was listening but his mind was going elsewhere as he drank in more and more of his view of you pacing around your living room busying your hands so your mind won’t be occupied by the worry of what is he thinking while looking at you so intently.

He was snapped out of his thoughts as silence filled the room, oh shit- it was his turn to talk.

“… aw I’m sorry baby, I wish I knew! Come here!” He pulled you into a hug, it took you a moment to get over the closeness in such a bare outfit before returning the gesture, he cooed words of encouragement to you.

“Everybody gets those thoughts Pookie!, even your dashingly handsome boyfriend gets those thoughts, but remember…” he slid his hands down below your waist, both his hands settling on your ass and squeezing at the clothed flesh immediately you gasped and let out a surprised noise startled at the sudden action.

“No matter what your worried head tells you, you’ll always be the sexiest bitch around~” he ended the sentence with a devilish chuckle as he watched you grow embarrassed from his groping, you set a hand on his forearms in an attempt to get him to slow down as he watched how well his hands cupped your ass cheeks over your shoulder, he could see it spilling in the gaps between his fingers.

“Shidou! Don’t do that!” You got over your initial shock and he pouted at you, sticking out his bottom lip as if he just got scolded. “How can I resist?! showin’ off this pretty ass while you’re alone at home? I should come over all the time!”

He kept one hand on your ass as the other ventured under your tank top, feeling your soft flesh and kneading it as he watched you fumble and stutter “Shidou..! Not there- hey! Watch it..!” He had a smile on that practically tore through his cheeks.

“Why don’t we take this to your room, hmm? I know a great body positivity exercise~”

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

How did Shidou always manage to coax you into saying yes? You had no idea, you had no idea how you agreed to let him lay you down on your stomach as he hurriedly tugged your shorts off you, burying his face into your neck as he kissed and licked whispering sweet words to you. He spent his time groping and feeling you under your clothes as you tried your best to return his affections, but he didn’t mind, if it was up to Shidou he would gladly shower you with love, praise, and something else that would be too vulgar to add.

“You’re so pretty like this, baby~” he muttered to you as he removed your shorts fully, sitting up so you could feel his growing erection against your ass, he noticed just how well you two were positioned where your full-length mirror could reflect the view perfectly to him, a wicked grin plastered his features.

“Can you look up for me, sugar?” at his command, you followed and your eyes connected with the image of you on all fours with your shorts hanging from your excited boyfriend’s hand, he let out a sinister giggle at your expression as embarrassment filled you.

“Shidou- can we move? Please? I look stupid- AH?!” You were cut off as you felt his hand sharply smack your ass after he threw aside your shorts, he rubbed the sore spot and shushed you as you looked at his reflection in disbelief.

“… SHIDOU?!”

“I’m sorry sugar! I can’t let you badmouth my pretty girl like that!”

Removing his hands from you, he shuffled as he freed his hard cock from his tight pants, hissing as it practically bounced out his clothes “I’m gonna fuck you like this, ‘kay? so you’ll know just how fuckin’ gorgeous you are..” He promised referring to how he’ll use you in front of your mirror, His hands gripped the flesh of your hips as he pulled you back to him. Slowly maneuvering his hips in short movements, he felt his dick run up and down your slit, he bit down on his bottom lip as he felt your slick cover his length with each stroke.

You wanted to deny this, you felt awkward as your eyes darted back and forth between your reflection and his, you can’t deny Shidou’s affection when he spent so much prepping you for a good dicking down and your rationality was slipping away with each delicious rub of his cock nestling between your thighs waiting for you to give him permission.

“… okay, fine..! But-“

“Yeah yeah, red for no, yellow for so-so, green for ‘fuck me harder Ryusei’~” He giggled at his wording as his free hand moved down and adjusted his cock to slip in quickly

As you were about to complain about his vulgarity once more, he gripped your hips and pulled your ass to him, as he thrusted his hips to meet you in the middle, biting down his bottom lip and releasing a long groan that layered with your gasp that melted into a moan. His cock squeezed in perfectly like you were a pussy pocket molded perfectly just for him, he watched your expression in the mirror as he made sure he was balls deep inside you, relishing in how your pussy hugged his cock so perfectly practically brainwashing him.

As Shidou slowly moved his hips at first to get used to the warmth (as much as you felt incredible, he didn’t wanna act like some virgin and bust so early), he noticed how you lowered your head and that set him off; his hand reached out and grabbed a fistful of your hair and lifted you so you’d sit on your knees with your back arched, a startled noise escaped your lips.

“That won’t do baby! Come on, look! Take a good look!” He urged you between pants as he gradually sped up, hips slapping against yours as your wetness grew, your struggled to get a good look through your boyfriend’s fucking, your reflection showed your figure but this time you couldn’t turn away, Shidou had a way of fucking you so thoroughly- of slutting you out so beautifully, it was shameful to say but it was the only way to describe it.

“Ahh- ah! Shidou- I can’t- its too embarrassing!” You finally managed to speak out through the pleasure, Shidou gave you a particularly hard thrust at your words forcing a surprised moan out of you “first, Call me by my first name.. second, I told you to look”

He slowed down his thrusts as his hand guided your head by your chin to the mirror, giving you a clear view of yourself, his hand had pulled your shirt up to reveal your chest to him, one hand holding your hip as the other squeezed and groped at your breast.

“See?” Shidou started as he made eye contact with you in the mirror “You’re such a pretty goddess~” he practically purred as he admired how your body bounced and jiggled with every impact of his hips, not faltering as he pistoned his cock into you making sure you had a good view of it all; one hand squeezed at your chest enjoying how your breast spilled between his fingers, the other gripping at your love handles as leverage to smack your hips down to his making sure his cock was reaching all the right places, a perfect view of your loving boyfriend making sure every curve, dip and crevice of your body is appreciated.

“Fuck- mmmh! So good baby, you look so good on my dick like this..” He whispered sweetly to you, your thighs trembled as his praise went straight to your core “I’m so fuckin’ lucky, you’re a beauty..” his words weren’t empty compliments, he studied your body so closely as he fucked his cock deep into you with nothing but love and adoration in his eyes. Ryusei Shidou genuinely and wholeheartedly thinks you're the most gorgeous woman to ever exist.

“you like it when I make you bounce on my dick? Yeah? You’re so fuckin’ cute, I love you~” he cooed at you turning your head to give you a sloppy kiss, tongue slipping into your mouth with ease as he swallowed your moans, separating in between kisses inducing a wet noise everytime you did.

“Ryusei..! Ah- ahn- Ryuseiii! I-I’m close..! shit, I’m so close..!” You spoke through your blabbers and moans, Shidou’s cock practically throbbed in excitement as you called him by his first name.

Shortly after you came, body shaking as soreness settled into your knees, Shidou allowed you to lower your head as a mercy since the sensitivity was getting to you, the way your pussy sucked him in, especially after tightening from your orgasm he couldn’t hold himself back.

“G’nna cum, ‘m gonna cum sweetheart, you’re gonna be good for me and take it all right? Yeah, take it, take it..!” he urged you as he neared his end, his thrusts shortening and picking up speed as he finally filled you, he stilled and made sure to shove his entire length deep inside as his cum practically overflowed and dripped out of you, down his cock and dripping on your bed sheets.

You were exhausted and fucked out, you wanted to move into a more comfortable position but Shidou practically flopped onto you, refusing to pull out just yet.

“Ryusei- get off..” You tried sitting up and he only groaned, throwing more of his weight on you as he maneuvered your body under him to lay more comfortably.

“naaah~ stay with me here a little bit! Afterglow helps lots with body positivity y’know?” you were confident most of his information about ‘body positivity’ was wrong.. but it was the thought that counts you suppose.

“(Name)? you know I meant all that stuff, right?” he asked while fixing your hair away from your face, you know he's serious as he called out to you curiously, among all the filth he speaks shamelessly he was still earnest in his affections.

“… I do, thank you Ryusei” Hearing you say his name so sweetly made his heart throb in his chest as he cuddled you, kissing the back of your neck he uttered “I love you, gorgeous~”

#bllk x reader #blue lock x reader #blue lock x you #bllk x you #bllk x female reader #blue lock x female reader #blue lock #shidou ryuusei smut #shidou ryuusei x reader #shidou ryusei x reader #shidou ryusei x you #shidou x reader #shidou x you #shidou ryusei #too tired to tag more im eepy asf

[bilightningwhumper]

Mangst 2024- Day 1

“I never wanted this”

(Also posted on Ao3, will be doing both this and posting on there for Mangst 2024) Warnings for this one: talk and description of throwing up, then talk of past abuse Not beta read, so bear with me, lol Wrote this before midnight, but typing it up took a while. It's not the next day until I go to bed and wake up tomorrow. Characters: Sienna- Red Riding Hood Rae- "Huntsman" Director Wolf (mentioned)- Big Bad Wolf

Rae's POV

Something woke Rae up. Blinking blearily around, she was alone in the room. Under the door was a faint light. Not enough to wake her, though. Sienna was probably just taking a late bathroom trip.

When she rolled over to fall asleep again, that’s when she heard it.

Retching.

Rae threw off the blankets, stumbling slightly over the clothing she’d left in a pile. She pulled open the door and made her way over to the bathroom. The sight that met her broke her heart.

Pale and trembling, Sienna was hunched over the toilet. Tears streaming down her face. Eyes red and puffy. As Rae came in, another bout of retching started, vomit turning to bile.

“Oh, Sienna.” Rae murmured, reaching over to flush the toilet to get rid of some of the smell. Then she sat down, gently rubbing Sienna’s back.

Her soulmate didn’t do much more than whimper, a sob briefly bursting out as more tears came down.

Rae slowly coaxed Sienna to sit back against the wall. Not far from the toilet, just so she wasn’t hunched over it anymore. The tears didn’t stop, but the trembling slowly ceased and color started coming back into her face.

“Sorry.” she mumbled, resting her head against Rae’s shoulder. “I didn’t want to wake you.”

Wrapping an arm around Sienna’s waist, Rae kissed her temple softly. “You have nothing to be sorry for. This isn’t something either of us can control.”

They both went silent. Sienna curled up more into Rae’s side. She responded by pulling Sienna closer, gently rubbing her side.

Rae could hear the clock in the living room ticking in the distance. What time was it anyway? Sienna had a doctor’s appointment in the morning. A good thing, too, with this happening.

Just as she was about to suggest going back to bed-

“I never wanted this.”

Rae frowned. “Wanted what?”

Sienna didn’t answer right away. She drew away from Rae, playing with her shirt hem. Rae couldn’t make eye contact with her even when she tried.

“To …” Sienna swallowed hard. “To miss him.” A sniffle. “To dream about him. Long for another heat for him to help me, comfort me. To -” She broke off, twisting her shirt so hard it might rip.

Rae put her hands over Sienna’s.

“Sienna, can you look at me?”

It took a few heartbeats, but vibrant bloodshot green eyes finally met hers.

“You are allowed to feel whatever you feel.” she said in a clear measured voice. “Wolf took your trust, your need for love and kindness and used it against you. But it’s not your fault for falling for it. It’s entirely his for taking advantage of you. Okay?”

Sienna let out a shakey breath. “I still feel his hands on me. He’s in my dreams. Why- why do I still want him? Even knowing that-” Her voice cracked again as she held Rae’s hands tight.

Slowly pulling a hand away, Rae pushed some hair behind Sienna’s ear and cupped her cheek.

“Because healing isn’t linear.” she said, using her thumb to brush away a fresh bout of tears. “It took years for him and everyone else to do this to you. It’s going to take time to undo that.”

“What if it never goes away? The memories? The craving?”

Rae hummed. “Well, I know I’m determined to make new happy memories with you. And over time, they’ll outnumber the old and bad ones.” Then she gently booped Sienna’s nose. “And I dunno, maybe we’ll replace the craving with one for ice cream or something.”

Sienna let out a surprised laugh, wiping at her tears herself. “Really? Ice cream?”

Rae just shrugged. “I’m tired, alright? It was the first thing to pop into my head. It’s not like I’m going to encourage a habit of drinking or drugs, now am I?”

Hearing Sienna’s giggled warmed Rae’s heart as well as seeing the small smile on her soulmate’s face. She took her hands, gently pulling her up.

“Come on, let’s get you back to bed.”

Sienna followed her up off the floor. Then stopped Rae with a hand on her shoulder.

“Is it alright if… if I spend the night with you?”

Rae flushed a little, a warm feeling setting in her chest at the look of cautious hope in Sienna’s face.

“That’s fine by me.”

The bright smile Sienna gave her was worth the nervousness thrumming through Rae at the prospect. Pushing the door open to her room, she realized this was the first time she’d be sharing the bed with anyone since breaking up with Jenny.

Arms around her waist broke her train of thought.

“I can smell you overthinking, Rae. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. We don’t have to do this. If-”

Rae stopped her, intertwining her finger’s with Sienna’s on her stomach. She probably didn’t mean to, but feeling Sienna’s breath on her neck flustered her more.

Clearing her throat, Rae turned to take Sienna’s hands again, smiling softly. Sienna’s comfort mattered more than her nervousness and any past feelings she may have had for Jenny. But the concern on Sienna’s face made her pause.

“It’s…” She wet her lips, searching Sienna’s face. “This is a big step. Sleeping together. I mean,” Her face started burning. “Well, just sleeping sleeping, not, you know, but-”

Sienna cut her off with a finger to her lips, confusion turning to amusement.

“Rae, you just woke up from a dead sleep after a long day at work and still came to make sure I was okay. I know that’s bare minimum, but it means a lot to me anyway. And right now I really, really just want to be surrounded by you and your scent because you make me feel the safest I’ve been in years. No more nightmares, or at least no more waking up alone after them.” She moved back, tucking her hair behind her ear again. “I trust you.”

Rae’s voice caught there, knowing the weight behind those three words, especially for this. Not trusting herself not to go into another tired ramble, she stepped aside for Sienna to enter the room first.

After Sienna got settled, looking unfairly cute tucked into Rae’s blankets, she clambered in next to her, pulling her close again. They ended up with Sienna curled up using Rae’s chest as a pillow, Rae’s arms around her, legs close to entangled.

As Rae started to drift off, Sienna murmured her name. She hummed in response.

“I don’t want to crave ice cream.”

Rae hummed again, too tired to do much else.

Sienna snuggled close, wrapping an arm around Rae’s middle. “Would it be alright, eventually, if I started craving you instead?”

That got a strangled tired noise out of Rae as she rolled over to hug Sienna more as she started giggling at the response.

“Hush you.” she said, nuzzling into Sienna’s hair. “Sleep now, teasing later.”

Rae felt Sienna let out a soft laugh that turned into a contented sigh, hugging her tightly for a second before relaxing again. Breaths slowly became more level and even as she drifted off.

Kissing the top of her head softly, Rae murmured. “Love you, Sienna.” before drifting off herself.

#ao3 writer #autistic writer #lgbt writers #whump community #female whumpee #whump writing #whumpee x caretaker #whumpblr #whump scenes #whump recovery #whump comfort #whump aftercare #sick whumpee #female whump #aftercare whump #emotional whump #exhausted whumpee #red riding hood #fairy tale retelling #sapphic #mangst2024 #mangst 2024 #caretaker x whumpee #comfort whump #hurt/comfort #writing challenge #the new eden institution

[dontneedhair]

Using An Epilator On My Head (Part One) - The Brows

Unlike many who will read this, the people I meet on a day-to-day basis or at least somewhat regularly don't seem to have noticed that the shadow on my scalp is gone. By shadow I mean the part of the hair that was rooted so deep in the skin that a razor couldn't get it, and which you could notice even after a shave (at least after some hours), showing everyone where the hair would grow if I let it, and where it wouldn't.

This shadow is no longer there. And that is down to using an epilator that literally rips out the entire hair, including the part at the base that mere shaving cannot remove. However, the scalp wasn't the first part of my head I used an epilator on. Instead, I started with the eyebrows.

At that point, I had already shaved them off a couple of times, mostly when I knew I wouldn't see anyone familiar for a week or two, in the knowledge that after that time, they would look (very) trimmed, but there would be something there. That lead me to wonder if that would still be the case if I didn't shave, but epilated them.

The first time I tried that, I didn't do a very good job, and the brows quickly reappeared. I did a much better job the second time round though, and when I met up with two friends for a short trip one week later, there was still nothing there. That was a quite a thrill, but I decided not to bring it up myself and they didn't seem to notice.

(This picture was taken on said trip in 2019; the lack of eyebrows is partly concealed by the glasses, and the shadow on my scalp was still there. Not a trace of "eyebrow shadow" after an entire week, however.)

I did that a couple of times more, and then stopped because I wasn't too sure about provoking permanent damage yet. Finally, I gave in and started to epilate them consistently on a regular basis (twice a week these days). That was in late 2021; since then, I have literally been "browless".

In my case, the eyebrows were the easiest area on my head to start using the epilator on. First, I trimmed them really short (maybe 2mm), and then slowly went over them in all directions, until everything was gone. The next day, I would have another go at the brows, in order to get the hairs that had been just a tad too short for the epilator the first time round. There was some redness at first, but it went away after some hours, and then it was over and done.

The epilator I used was the one I mentioned in a couple of earlier posts; here again, I would advise against models with a faster rotation speed. It can also help to stretch the skin around the eyebrows with one hand. Both help to prevent the skin from getting caught.

As everywhere else on my body, also here I found that, the longer I keep epilating, the easier it becomes, and these days there is hardly anything to remove when I go over them. Nothing you could see at least, I can only feel some very, very soft regrowth here and there, which I then remove. After that, they are perfectly smooth.

#browless #epilator

[nothing0fnothing]

Why do you post your trauma online?

When I was young I always felt that keeping a diary helped me. I'd write in it most nights as a form of meditation. It was my healthiest coping strategy and it was genuinely helpful for me to process all my big feelings I'd had all day into words on pages. When I was done I'd put my diary away, into a box that lived on my bookshelf for safe keeping. Safe and private and just for me as it should be.

When had just turned 18 I got kicked out of my moms house. I wasn't expecting it, I was under the impression I was welcome to stay till I finished year 13 and went to university. It happened with no warning on a school day I had work on too. Out of necessity I began sleeping on friends couches and feeling helpless I'd just start crying alone in the toilets at school hoping that my mom, who was abroad on holiday would sort the whole situation out for me. In the meantime my mom's husband, at home with my then 14 year old sister, ripped up my framed photos, tore apart my prom dress and publicised the diary I had kept between the ages of 11 and 13 on social media.

When he decided to do that the narrative in our family and with our friends shifted from being about how horribly I'd been treated, to being about how horrible I was to write the things I did when I was much younger. Suddenly on top of all the stress I was feeling I had to now defend what I wrote 6 years prior in my private diary when I was 11 years old. I thought I must have entered the twilight zone. Everyone wanted to know why I'd called my step dad an asshole in my diary or to shame me for thinking things so terrible. I got accused of intentionally writing it to cause hurt and upset. I got accused of "leaving it where it could be found" (see: in a closed box on my bookshelf marked "private" and "do not read") it felt like I'd been put on trial.

It was a horrible transition into adulthood and every aspect of what happened in that time was it's own trauma I still live with.

Months later, when I was safley living independently from the home I'd grown up in, I wanted to start writing things down again. It had been months since I'd done it and I wanted to process everything I experienced into writing like I always used to. I couldn't do it. I found I was editing my thoughts as I wrote them, scared that someway, somehow my diary would become public, and I'd once again have to defend what I wrote down. I couldn't help but think "how would this look if someone read it with no context" "how could I justify writing this down if people saw this?" It just wasn't helping like it used to, the anxiety of being caught out was too overwhelming. It was heartbreaking. It was 9 months after the event and it felt like this was just one more thing I'd never have again because of it.

So I downloaded an app called Vent, where I'd type out what I'd usually write down, and post anonymously, knowing other people would read it. And for the first time since the incident, I felt free to say what I needed to.

It's different this way. Nobody can take my words and use them to shame me this way. I don't have to justify why I write what I write now. Nobody is expecting me to defend myself for writing what I do. It's public because *I* decided to make it public, people are reading because *I* let them read what I have to say.

Its cathartic and nobody can take it away from me.

#vent post #raised by narcissists #parental abuse #childhood trauma #complex trauma #dysfunctional family #narcissistic abuse #toxic parents #just cptsd things #living with cptsd #cptsd recovery

[nyx-the-misthios]

Something I've kinde been wanting to do for a little while is to make a post about one of my favorite comfort characters: Namikaze Minato. So I'm gonna do that lol.

Now, Minato's story is a tragic one. And I'm not just referring to his life. It is a well-known fact that Kishimoto can't write a female character to save his life. However, it isn't just the women of Naruto who have also been poorly written. A fair number of male characters have also fallen victim (no, I am not a man, I'm an afab non-binary), and Minato is one such character.

Let's start with the discourse surrounding his teaching as a Jounin sensei. First of all, that was his first time teaching. You'd be pretty hard pressed to find *any* first-time teacher that doesn't make a boat load of mistakes. Mistakes are human nature, after all. Secondly, he was also kind of set up for failure. Heavily traumatized young child soldier, who is the last of his clan? A blacksheep whose training has been neglected? A civilian girl who ends up being reduced into a damsel in distress (Kishimoto...)? Sound familiar? Kakashi, Obito, Rin > Sasuke, Naruto, Sakura...

The dude was set up for failure, and he didn't have the luxury of peace time when he was training them. Minato was still constantly getting pulled away due to being one of the few Jounin that could effectively defend Konoha's frontlines, so that also severely affected his ability to train his students.

Quick little disclaimer that I couldn't really find much in regards to what that time period is like because who needs a consistent backstory/timeline, am I right? Ugh, anyway. Please take this with a grain of salt.

Secondly, and this is where I see Minato getting a *lot* of hate for. His Hokage reign.

Minato probably holds the record for the shortest reign in the history of Konoha (no, I will not include Danzo. He doesn't count) Minato was Hokage for how long? 10 months to a year and a half roughly. That is incredibly short. Dude probably had several projects he was working on, only for them to collapse entirely upon his death. He likely was actively working with Kushina, who had also been wanting to be Hokage (but got passed over for some reason) on several things to help improve the village and make it more habitable for everyone (especially children) but the night of Naruto's birth is when everything came crashing down and Konoha was under the brink of total genocide by one of their own.

We don't know exactly the circumstances in regards to Kushina's health, but I have strong suspicion that when Kurama was forcibly ripped out of Kushina *just after going through what is the hardest thing any woman could go through* aka childbirth. She was already in the process of dying, and she would have needed intensive medical treatment in order to not eventually pass away due to the extensive trauma her body went through. And Kurama *has* to be sealed within a Uzumaki or a specially prepared object.

The only Uzumaki that even had a chance of survival was poor Naruto, and I just know that Minato was likely beating himself up for it. Yes, Minato knew how Jinchuuriki were treated (he married one after all), but I believe his last words of hoping that his son would he seen as a hero instead of being ostracized was mainly because he'd hoped that it would be explained in such a way to properly paint Naruto as a savior. But the information got leaked and warped to paint Naruto as a demon instead. It is truly tragic that a character with such hopeful promise was poorly executed and was doomed from the beginning.

I hope that anyone who reads this can at least be a bit kinder to characters like Minato who were doomed from the beginning. If you still hate him, oh well.

#naruto #minato namikaze

[valcksys]

source separation

(And my journey with it, all under the cut!)

I thought I’d write a long ranty post about source separation, since I’m an alter who’s gone through it (mostly). I just want to get my experiences out there and possibly help some other alters who might be struggling with this topic understand it more or, whatever.

So let’s start with Introductions! I’m Samantha, but I usually go with just Sam. I’m a factional introject of an ow esports player named S9mm. I use she/her pronouns and identify as a trans woman. (This will be important later.)

I first formed around June last year, so I’ve been around for a bit. When I first started getting my bearings, I was terrified! I mean, I’d been ripped away from my life (which was quite good most of the time!) and now I was stuck here, in a new body, alone. In a pretty abusive environment. Not fun at all!

My first reaction to all of this was escape. Which is to say I was so deep in wanting to be back in my source, and wanting to have my body and face and life back that I couldn’t focus on living the one I’m in right now. Whenever I fronted I was fucking miserable. All I could think about was my “past”. To me, this is an example of being unhealthily attached to your source. If it’s getting in the way of enjoying your current life or focusing on it then that’s not good!

I had a long chat with another alter, who’d been in the system for a while and went through that same deal. And the first thing they told me was to stop interacting with anything related to my source. Just find out who you are. Minus the source. Minus the premade personality and form you came with. Once you’ve found it, you can start to merge the two together. Finding you while still identifying with your source is possible. There’s just a delicate balance that I was definitely not balancing well.

And this is what I did for a while, I stopped watching OWL games, I stopped playing Overwatch, and I focused more on the things going on around me. I started trying new things. I learned stuff about myself! And it was nice. I’ve picked up art as a hobby, I love drawing. I also enjoy other video games, particularly roguelikes and rpgs which I never thought I would’ve liked. If I hadn’t ever let go partly of my source and who I’m “supposed” to be, I wouldn’t’ve ever discovered those things. During this period I also began realizing I might be a trans woman. (Source is a Cis male.) For a while I rejected it, still having that feeling in the back of my mind that it’s wrong because my source is a cis man. As well as all of the more typical woes that come with transness. (Which I’m going to assume nearly everyone reading this understands.)

Once I took that break, and found myself, I realized that life didn’t feel as. Well frankly, ASS, anymore. I wasn’t constantly dissociating, wishing I was “home” or the like. Home was here now, and I began to accept it. I participated more in our daily life.

After I did accept that I’m a trans woman, and that I’m Samantha, not S9mm, I was able to then reconnect with my source in a healthy way. I could watch content from my source and enjoy it without feeling like shit, I could play Overwatch and enjoy that without feeling like shit.

The point of me typing all this out really, is that there’s always a DEGREE of source separation that is healthy, and should be encouraged. But you don’t have to completely detach from your source.

I mean, my name is still Sam. I still look like my source in the headspace. (Kinda, I’m just more girly now lol.) I still refer to my pseudomemories and make jokes about my source and enjoy my source.

You can definitely have both!

Anyway rant’s over I hope this helps someone or something idk.

#made by sam #sorry for so many tags #I just want this to reach people #did system #traumagenic system #osddid #actually did #traumagenic #polyfrag system #introject #factive #fictive #factroject #fictroject #system #actually dissociative

[fiona-frauenfell]

I posted a one-shot on Ao3 if anyone would like to read it! (Or it posted below the cut.)

*Minor mention of verbal abuse*

Staring into a map for hours on end wasn’t my cup of tea, but alas, here I was. Alongside my loop mates, I found myself looking through maps to help Noor find her mom.

I would rather be looking at maps to find Fiona, but I overheard Millard asking Enoch earlier if he could “make sure he stays on task.” He being myself I assume because ever since Fiona has gone missing Millard has treated me as though everything I do towards finding Fiona is pointless. He claims there are “other things to worry about,” like finding V.

I feel like that’s all I’ve been hearing about for days. “Have you found anything out about V?”, “Are you looking for V?”, “Keeping looking for V!” At this point, I never want to hear the twenty second letter of the alphabet again.

Though I don’t blame Noor at all, I empathize with her if anything. I understand what it’s like to have someone you care about ripped away from your grasp. And Noor hasn’t seen V in years, I can’t even imagine how that feels.

Time went on, I begrudgingly looked through maps and Enoch stopped looking to over to see what I was doing, so I soon swapped my atlas of Ohio for one of Ireland.

Ireland was the only home Fiona had besides Cairnholm, not that she’d want to go back there anyway. After all the people who cursed her name and warned to never return, I doubt she would felt welcome to make a return.

Even if I did find a loop that Fiona could be hiding at, I would never get permission to go there. Heck, I don’t even have the permission to look through the map without having to sneak a glance, what made me think any authority figure would let me go to Ireland? Of course, I could always escape, but my chances of success with that were also very slim.

The only other option was to agree with my loop mates that Fiona had passed, which was an obvious no for me. But much as I didn’t want to believe it, it was still possible. But it couldn’t be, she couldn’t be, right?

I didn’t have much time to dwell on that thought, as my friends closed their maps for a lunch break. All except for Noor, who encouraged us to go eat, while she stayed to look through more maps. With this, I overheard Millard praise her for her dedication.

That was it. Before I could think to hold my tongue, I slammed my atlas shut and muttered “If you all had only cared this bloody much about finding Fiona, we would’ve had her back by now.”

I stormed out and tried to find a place to cool off. I end up finding myself on a bench beside the back doors of the library. Not all that far, but just out of the public eye. With tears streaming, I sat down and put my face in my hands.

I walked out of the building to try and hide that reaction. I was kind of embarrassed of how I reacted; Not the anger, Millard definitely deserved that, but the crying scared me. It put me in a state of vulnerability that I thought I escaped centuries ago, but here I was.

That was my father’s doing. In that moment I felt like I was fifteen again when the famine first stuck. Many of my friends were dying for an unknown reason and I was scared I was next. It got particularly hard when my youngest sister had contracted a disease that eventually also took her life. She was young, a couple months or so; we knew she wouldn’t make it but we had to latch on to some sort of hope, for there wasn’t any more of it anywhere else.

When she did eventually pass, I cried my self to sleep for almost a week. ‘Why was this happening to me?’ I could help but ask. Everyone around me was dying and couldn’t help but think that somehow maybe, it was my fault? How could I do this?

One night, my father heard the commotion in my room and peaked in my door. With an aggitated look he kneeled in front of my bed and whispered from behind gritted teeth. “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”

From there on out I equated my empathy with ‘the need to grow up’ or ‘the need to become a real man, because real men don’t cry.’

I no longer cried because I was empathetic, I cried because what happened to me because I was empathetic.

But I finally found people that made me feel okay, like I could be my true self around them, even if I did cry every now and again.

Now the same people are trying to tell me my girlfriend is dead and tell me I’m over reacting when I tell them she’s not. What’s friends I have. If you call them that.

For example, when Victor died, nobody shoved it down Bronwyn’s throat. When she cried, nobody told her stop overreacting. They would sit with her, make sure she had a shoulder to cry on. And you see what I get?

Nobody treated me like that. And when I went away to sulk nobody would come to get me. Or so I thought.

About two minutes later Emma sat beside him, but I was a bit too preoccupied to notice. He finally noticed her presence when she put her hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be crying” wiping his eyes with my shirt sleeve as he spoke.

“Don’t apologize. I understand what you’re going through, and I know it’s hard.” Emma was trying to hard to use her “polite lady” voice and I was over it.

“No, you don’t. How could you possibly know what this feels like?” I shouted at her without even thinking.

“Because when Abe passed away…” she said, and I sobbed even harder; to think that Fiona could really be dead, yes it’s something I’ve considered but I didn’t believe it, her saying it just made it much more real.

“No,” I muttered “No, she’s not...” I try to continue my sentence but I find myself at a loss for words, instead I find myself wrapped in Emma’s hug. If anything, it always felt good when Emma gave a hug because of her fire powers.

We were comfortable. We stayed like that for a little bit, me crying on her shoulder.

In an attempt to cheer me up, she asks “So, what about lunch?” My weak spot; food. Through the tears I managed a weak, sarcastic chuckle. “I guess.”

#hugh apiston #emma bloom #millard nullings #fiona frauenfeld #noor pradesh #fugh #mphfpc #miss peregrines home for peculiar children