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randomshyperson · 3 years

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Can I request a celebrity AU with Elizabeth Olsen and Female Reader? Where R is Vision in the MCU. And like throughout a series of interviews and behind the scenes shots, you can see how the two actually fall in love in real life. And in like the final interview they ask “Are you two dating?” And this time they can finally say yes

Hello darling, how are you? I hope well. This took me a while, and i’m not sure you’re even going to like it. But i hope you do. It was honestly kind of strange to write for Lizzie, i kept mistaken the name as Wanda. Also, i changed your idea a bit, because i could find the right way to write the interviews. But anyway, here it is. Good reading.

Elizabeth Olsen x Reader - Love is outside the screen

Summary: The one where Reader plays Vision in the MCU and she falls in love with her co-worker Elizabeth Olsen.

Warnings: None.

Words: 4.308 words //// Read on AO3

Marks: @wandamaximoffpuppy

Part. 2 || Part 3

Eight years ago

Your agent was calling you for the third time, and you thought you should answer before you lost your contract.

Letting out an impatient sigh as you reached for your cell phone, you left it on speaker.

- Hello, Sara. - You say with a slight irony as you relax your body in the water of the jacuzzi again.

- It's not polite to ignore someone who keeps you employed. - she said irritated, making you laugh.

- Sorry, but I told you I was on vacation. - You reminded her. - And what did you keep doing? Oh yes, calling me.

- Don't be so grumpy, woman. - She replied with a light humor in her voice, and you could hear the clatter of keystrokes, suggesting that she was working. - I have an opportunity for you.

You raised your eyebrows in curiosity, but said nothing. And by your silence, Sara kept talking.

- Tell me, have you ever thought about being a superhero?

You let out an incredulous laugh, thinking it was a joke.

- I'm not going to make any weird latex movies, Sara. - You warn her, and she lets out a laugh.

- Actually, honey, it's Marvel.

You blink in surprise, and then turn to rest your arms on the edge of the jacuzzi and look directly at your cell phone.

- What are you talking about?

- Ah, caught your interest, huh? - She remarks. - You actors are all the same, one famous name and you fall to your knees.

- Sara...

- No, it's okay. - She giggles. - They want a openly queer actress to play a lesbian heroine, I think. And then they called me.

- Wow, Marvel doing something like that? - You comment. - It sounds like a lie.

Sara giggles.

- It pays well anyway. - She says, and then a notification pops up on the screen. - I just sent you the script. Let me know if I can confirm your audition.

You let out a sigh before saying goodbye and hanging up, grabbing your cell phone to read the script.

It is the scene description of your character's appearance, and there is also a note for the chemistry test. You bite your lips thoughtfully. You were known in the media for roles in international, indie and cult films, mostly lesbian romance. You had a few academy nominations, and had been awarded twice by the critics. Superheroes were not really what you were looking for. But then you remembered how much you missed having a lgbt reference in media like this, and then you are sending a message to your agent confirming your audition.

//-//

Present

You are twiddling your thumbs in your dressing room. It must be the ninth interview in less than two weeks. Letting out a sigh, you stand up, momentarily looking at your appearance in the mirror. The make-up team did a good job, you look well. And then you are walking outside, to the dressing room next to yours.

You knock on the door, and are soon answered. But Elizabeth doesn't smile when she pulls you inside.

- Hey, Lizzie, what's up? - you ask worriedly as you close the door. The next second she's hugging you tight, and you sigh. - You're anxious, aren't you?

- I feel like my heart is going to burst out of my mouth. - She grumbles and you start stroking her back, trying to calm her down.

- Remember that exercise we practiced, okay? - You ask her tenderly as you move your feet so that you move together toward the sofa in the living room. You break the embrace slowly, to sit Lizzie down on the couch as you kneel in front of her. She looks on the verge of tears, and you place your hands on top of hers. - Breathe with me, okay?

It will take you many minutes to calm her down, but you don't care. And then she smiles, and brings your foreheads together.

- Thank you. - She whispers before kissing you. She walks away too quickly in your opinion, but you can't say anything because the producer is calling you next, announcing that the interview starts in two minutes. You smile at Liz before getting up.

//-//

Seven years ago.

You had just finished filming your last scene in Age of Ultron when your agent called you. Scrolling your finger quickly across the screen, you answered while your cell phone rested on the table in your dressing room, and you kept your hands busy trying to pin up your hair.

- I'm leaving the studio, Sara, what's up? - you told her.

- I wanted to congratulate you on the affair, although I'm surprised it happened so quickly. - She says and you frown in confusion, finishing up with your bun. You pick up your cell phone next.

- What are you talking about?

Sara giggles, and sends you an attachment. You pull your cell phone away from your ear to look at it. It is a photo of you and Elizabeth, your teammate and romantic partner in the franchise, taken the same day you discovered Liz had social anxiety and took her out for coffee with you to take her focus off the celebrity world for a while. The paparazzi managed to capture the exact moment when you kissed her on the cheek in farewell.

- This is all over the gossip sites as Marvel's mysterious romantic couple. - Your agent commented, and you rubbed your fingers across your forehead in irritation.

- You want me to publicly deny a relationship, is that it? - you ask, walking around the dressing room and gathering your things.

- What? No! This is great for advertising. - she says with slight excitement in her voice. - Especially after the movie comes out! Fans love couples who fall in love behind the screen.

You roll your eyes, switching your cell phone to your ear.

- I'm not going to make a relationship contract if that's what you're thinking! - You say with irritation and can imagine Sara rolling her eyes on the other end of the line.

- Yes, yes, we've been over this, Miss Morally Correct. - She scoffs lightly. - But I really called to talk about the premiere. We have details to discuss.

Sighing, you ask her to wait. Then you finished putting your things away, and grabbed the phone as you walked out the door.

//-//

Six years ago, California

Interviewers can be motherfuckers when they want to be, you thought as you bit the inside of your cheek, trying to keep your face impassive as you watched the woman in front of you list the "missed moments" from the Avengers set. You knew that your agent had talked to the show's staff about the authorized questions, and yet here you were on live television, having to declare whether the timely photos taken on the Avengers set meant that you had a secret relationship with your best friend Elizabeth Olsen.

A slideshow was playing on the screen behind you. There were pictures from the footage, many where you and Liz were laughing together, or having lunch together. There were some where she was sitting on your lap, or vice versa. Your expression softened when you noticed one where she was looking at you adoringly. It was so strange to be an artist sometimes. You smiled politely at the presenter.

- Come on, Ellen, you know how these things are. - You said. - Things are different on camera, Lizzie and I are friends.

The audience let out a chorus of displeasure, and Ellen laughed lightly.

- You know that many of the fans would like this rumor to be true, especially since you two play a couple and you are openly queer. - She says, and you wiggle your fingers in your lap, uncomfortable with where this conversation is going, but you nod in agreement. - Furthermore, you say that the paparazzi cameras are deceiving, but what about the stories you post on your personal networks?

She asks with a chuckle, and then other videos are playing on the screen, and you force yourself to smile and watch.

The vast majority are harmless, and platonic. You spend a lot of time at Liz's house because when she moved in, you were her reference and tour guide, and so you got into the habit of checking up on her. And then you became friends and you spent more time at her house than at yours.There were many videos and pictures on yours and her instagram where you two were tending a garden, playing board games, cooking together, or watching sports. You bit back a smile as you watched the memories through the images.

- See?It's hard to believe that this is just platonic. - Ellen insisted again, and the audience laughed. You tried to cover it up with a smile. - But since you claim to be single, we're going to play a game now. It's called "Who Would You Rather?

The audience applauded and you giggled, straightening your posture in your chair. And then the studio screen had a sign with the name of the game.

- It's very simple, you just have to choose which of the artists you would rather. - She explains, and you blink.

- Rather what?

Ellen lets out a giggle, and you understand, nodding in embarrassment. The audience laughs. The picture changes to two pictures.

- Who would you rather, Scarlett Johansson or Chris Hemsworth?

- Wow, that sounds like a trap. - You comment awkwardly, making the audience laugh. And then you bite your lips. - I think Scarlett.

Ellen gives you a suggestive look, and the audience chuckles, you force yourself to imitate them. The picture changes again.

- Scarlett or Sebastian Stan?

You laugh, smoothing your hair slightly.

- I don't know, I think Seb. - You answer. And then the picture changes again, and you want to run away when the audience gives a chorus of excitement.

- Sebastian Stan or Elizabeth Olsen?

- There it is the trap. - You comment clumsily, causing the audience to bust out laughing. You swallow dryly and look down at your lap before saying. - I'd say Elizabeth Olsen.

You played for a few more minutes, and then the game ended with you choosing Elizabeth at the end, which got the audience cheering and celebrating. When the interview was over, Sara was calling you, and you were massaging your forehead when you answered.

- I thought you said you two weren't dating. - She teased, and you grumbled in irritation.

- I thought you had discussed these matters with the staff. - You retorted, slightly irritated. - She only asked me about Lizzie and dating the entire interview.

- Honey, you're America's sweet couple. - She sneered. - Ellen wants viewers and will ask the questions that the audience wants to know.

- That's ridiculous. - You said and then sighed. - Why did you call me anyway?

- I have your new shooting location, so get your coats and jackets ready.

//-//

Six years ago, Berlin.

You are laughing at Anthony's imitation of Robert. Sitting in the shared dining hall, you were having a good time over lunch with your other colleagues while you were recording Civil War.

And then you were in scene again, many minutes later, and you found it strange that the nervousness was crossing beyond your character during a specific scene in which you were counteracting with Elizabeth.

You saw her laughing at a comment your character made, and you should have this expression of surprise and embarrassment, but you didn't even have to act it out. Your cheeks reddened naturally at the image of Liz laughing. And then the director said cut when you were done and you were rushing out to clean up your makeup.

Later that day, after the shoot was over, the team wanted to visit a local pub, and you accepted the invitation, ignoring the previous event, and smiling when Elizabeth touched your arm to get your attention.

- A toast to the Avengers! - shouted the camera crew chief when you were all gathered at the bar, you thought maybe he had had too much to drink, but you joined in the toast.

You stood next to Lizzie and Chris at a table while sipping a dark drink that might have been craft beer, or something German.

Your cell phone vibrates with a notification and you choke in surprise at the content of the message. Sara had sent you a note from TMZ, stating that your secret romance with Elizabeth Olsen was threatened because you had been seen leaving a coffee shop with Katie McGrath.

Chris and Lizzie look at you curiously, and you just lay your cell phone down on the table for them to see while you turn the entire glass of beer in your mouth.

- Wow, so your type really is super heroines. - Chris commented with a smile, and you laugh, pushing him away slightly.

- I swear, I can't be seen talking to any woman that she is automatically my girlfriend. - You say irritated as you put your beer glass back on the table. Your gaze returns to Lizzie, who has picked up your cell phone from the table and is reading the news. Then she hands the phone back to you, and gets a strange look on her face that you can't read very well, but she forces a smile.

- At least you cheated on me with a pretty girl. - she says and you frown in surprise. Chris laughs at the joke, but before you could have any other reaction, the rest of the team is joining you.

//-//

Five years ago, California.

You gave up fighting the questions about your relationship with Elizabeth. They would happen anyway, whether your agent talked to the teams or not, so you just smiled politely when you told people you were just friends and remained truthful in your statements.

Usually the interviews with Lizzie were easier, because you went into protective mode and your brain was ready to give sharp, snappy answers to keep Elizabeth from being embarrassed.

So here you were on the Night Show, with one of your favorite interviewers, and your best friend by your side. Jimmy was asking good questions, and he was funny. You hoped he wouldn't ask anything too embarrassing.

After many questions about employment, and worldview, which was refreshing, he finally asked you about the rumors of your secret relationship.

- Girls, you know that the public wants to know. - He began with a smile, and you laughed lightly, exchanging a look with Lizzie. - And actually, we have arguments this time.

- Here we go. - You commented with light irony which made the audience laugh.

Your latest posts on instagram were visible on the big screen.

- Last Tuesday, both of you posted these stories on your personal accounts. - Jimmy started with excitement. - And it rocked the internet completely, because the location was visible on your instagram, Elizabeth.

Lizzie let out an embarrassed giggle.

- Well, if the public's doubt is whether we were together there, they can confirm it. - She said, and Jimmy let out an excited exclamation. Lizzie waited for the audience to stop their celebratory chorus before speaking again. - But this was a special celebration, since it was my birthday.

- And I took her on a trip to Mexico. - You completed the story with a slight smile. The audience let out a chorus of happiness and you looked at them in confusion. - Guys, friends do this!

Jimmy and the audience laughed for a moment and then the image came off the screen.

- Come on girls, you're giving us material. - He remarked with a smile. - And you're still going to deny the relationship like you always do, I imagine.

You and Wanda exchange a short chuckle.

- Look, Jimmy, all I have to say is that Lizzie is amazing, she really is. - You saw yourself confessing. - Anyone would be lucky to date this brilliant, spectacular, sweet, fun-loving woman. But that person is not me.

Jimmy lets out an exclamation of sadness along with the audience, but then they applaud your words, and you smile wryly. You risk a glance at Lizzie for a second, and she has slightly flushed cheeks, and looks surprised at your words.

You ignore the nervous feeling at the pit of your stomach, and decide to keep your posture polite as you answer the next questions.

//-//

Four years ago.

You had to kiss Lizzie. And then you shook your head. No, not you. Vision. Your character, Vision, had to kiss Lizzie's character, Wanda Maximoff. And you repeated this like a mantra as you walked from your dressing room to the set.

The day you read this scene, you smiled politely at your agent, and disguised any apparent nervousness. And then you spent the last few weeks pretending that if you didn't think about it, eventually the director would make a change and the scene wouldn't even exist. But here you were, trying to have one last drop of professionalism.

You weren't even recording the scene officially, it was just the rehearsal of lines and marking, and you had sweaty hands.

As you walked through the studio, the staff smiled and greeted you, and then you spotted Lizzie and ignored the uneven beating of your heart.

- Let's get started girls. - announced Russo as soon as he caught sight of you. He signaled for you to follow the team's prearranged schedule. You smiled at Lizzie as you took your place. - We can test the order of the scene directly. I need to know which angle is best to have Vision ask Wanda to stay with her.

And then you started recording. And now you were Vision. There was no time to think about how naturally your hand fit into Lizzie's, or how good it felt to feel her hugging you. And then Russo shouted cut again.

- That's pretty good. - He commented, looking at the monitor. - Let's shoot the stone scene okay, then the action scene.

The scene started, and you said your lines the way you were supposed to. And then you were looking at Lizzie, and she kissed you as the script said. You held the sigh in your throat, and pulled away. Vision doesn't sigh, so you shouldn't either. And then you are smiling as written, and the director closes the scene again.

You were getting pretty good at hiding how affected you are by Lizzie the more you kiss her onstage. And then you wrap up the day's shooting, and you are mentally exhausted. You want to sleep in your dressing room, but you decide to go home.

And as you are walking back to your car, Lizzie calls out to you.

- Hey, partner. - She greets me by walking beside you. - Don't you want to go for a drink tonight?

You let out a sigh, ignoring the urge to shout that you would go anywhere with her, and thinking about how tired your body is.

- I'm exhausted, Lizzie. - You tell her, and she looks upset, but you add with a smile. - But I'll take it if it's something at your place.

Lizzie's face lights up quickly, and she nods, and then says she'll leave something in her car. She returns when you are already in yours.

- All set? - You ask to confirm, and she smiles and nods. And then you start the car and drive out of the studio.

Lizzie turns on the car stereo a moment later, and you begin humming the song.

- You've been distant lately. - She comments distractedly as you drive away. - You know you can talk to me, right?

You smile, ignoring the feeling in your stomach.

- Yes, Lizzie. - You say without taking your eyes off the road. - I'm just busy, that's all. It's nothing.

Lizzie makes a noise of agreement and looks away. You think maybe she believes you're not telling her the truth, and you feel guilty. So you decide to change the subject.

- How are things at home, Liz? Are Mary-Kate and Ashley well? - you ask, and she looks at you quickly.

- Everything's fine. - she says, and then she bites her lip. - Did I do something?

You frown, glancing quickly at her before looking down the street again. The light was red. And when you turn your head toward her, she lets out a sigh.

- You don't talk to me anymore. - She says seriously, looking at you. - Since Berlin, you're just distant. Always busy, and with ready-made answers. And now you try small talk, even though you hate it. I wish you would tell me what I did wrong.

Your heart is racing at the accusations, because she is absolutely right. And then you swallow dry, and prepare to speak, but then Liz is pointing ahead, the headlight has opened. And you have to drive, and she crosses her arms and looks away to the window.

You drive the rest of the way to her house in silence, and when you park the car in the driveway, she mumbles a goodnight before getting out.

Squeezing the steering wheel in your fingers, you take a deep breath. And then you get out of the car, and the noise of the door opening surprises her because she turns to look. But you are walking toward her, and raising your hand to the back of her neck, bringing your mouths together. Lizzie chokes in surprise, but in the next second she melts against you as she kisses you back.

You part breathlessly, holding your foreheads together.

- I am in love with you. - You confess. - I'm sorry I was a complete idiot, but I was terrified.

Lizzie giggles, kissing you again quickly before hugging you. And then she is breaking the embrace to look at you, a shy smile on her lips.

- I'm in love with you too. - she says. - I'm glad that's the problem and not something else.

You laugh, and kiss her one last time before entwining your hands and walking toward her house.

You decide to take things slow, so naturally, two weeks later, you ask her to be your girlfriend over dinner. Lizzie smiles all night, but you know that if this is a secret, she can't wear the ring.

Public relationships mean contracts, and agents, and unwanted questions, and lots of opinions about your lives. And you two wanted to keep that to yourselves for the time being.

So when directors comment that your onstage chemistry is amazing, you two just nod and thank them. When the interviewers ask if you are together, you deny it as before.

The first time you sleep with Lizzie, you almost break the bed. And it's all right, because you two are laughing with happiness and pleasure, and she pulls you in for another kiss. And you entwine your hands, the commitment rings on your fingers.

A year and a half later, you are getting very busy with your participation in a youth series, and there are many rumors that you are dating your co-star, so Lizzie is jealous and you can't blame her.

You decide that the secret cannot go on any longer, at least not to your friends and employers. So you talk to Lizzie, and you both call your agents. Sara laughs for ten minutes when you tell her, but she is happy to talk to Lizzie's agent. You are not public yet, but it is important that all parties are in agreement. You hate bureaucracy, but you don't mind as long as Lizzie's hand is in yours. Your friends are very happy, and the other cast members tease you constantly about it.

When you shoot the last movie, you think you are going to be fired because your character has died. But then you and Lizzie get a series together.

You try not to overthink how you will deny the rumors on television, but Lizzie kisses you on the cheek and tells you that you will face it together.

It takes three more months for you to propose. You think your chest will explode with happiness when she accepts.

And then you are calling your agents again, and Sara almost faints when you tell her that you got married in secret at some registry office in the Caribbean and she needs to get the paperwork sorted out. When you get back to California, there is a small ceremony with your family members.

//-//

Present

You and Lizzie are sitting side by side in the interview. The questions about WandaVision are over, and now you know from Jimmy's expression what he is going to say.

- The last time you were here, I had only an instagram post as an argument for your secret relationship. - He says, making you, Lizzie and the audience laugh lightly. - But now I have talked to the production and they prepare a presentation.

- My goodness. - You remark, making him laugh. And then he waves to the big screen, and you try to disguise your nervousness.

A presentation of images began to play to the audience to the sound of "honeybee" by the band "The Head and The Heart". There are several studio shots, from photo rehearsals to behind-the-scene moments. There is a picture from the day you met, from the first cast test, from the Avengers taping, paparazzi shots of you laughing in the parking lot, or in the open areas. There are pictures of you walking around Los Angeles together, pictures of your rides, or your travels. There are clippings from instagram stories where you spend time together, laughing and hugging. The presentation ends with the BTS photo of WandaVision from the first day of recording where you have your arm around Lizzie, and the two of you are laughing.

You clear your throat away the emotion, but Lizzie wipes her eyes lightly.

- That was very beautiful. - She comments as Jimmy hands her a piece of tissue paper. The audience bursts into tears of excitement.

- I guess we can get to the part where you deny everything now can't we? - Jimmy jokes and you smile and straighten your posture.

- Actually, Jimmy, we have something to announce.

#wanda maximoff #wanda x reader #wanda x you #wanda maximoff x reader #wandaxyou #elizabeth olsen #elizabeth olsen x reader #elizabeth olsen x you #wandaxreader #wandamaximoffxreader #wandamaximoffxyou

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thevalleyisjolly · 3 years

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Star Trek Beyond ramblings under the cut, because I love this movie so much:

I was just watching Star Trek Beyond again, and it’s really just such a good ensemble movie. It wasn’t a Kirk-is-the-hero movie or a Kirk-and-Spock movie, it was an Enterprise movie. Everyone in the crew had roles, not just isolated moments of badassery or humour, but actual places in the narrative that showed off their character and development. I mean, we see:

Bones being a doctor, what that actually looks like apart from waving a scanner around and jabbing people with needles. How he interacts with his patient, the brusque bedside manner that nevertheless goes hand-in-hand with his genuine concern, improvising treatments when he doesn’t have the advanced tools he normally does. Damn it, the man is a doctor, and he’s a good one, and we get to see that!

Sulu and Uhura taking initiative, being leaders! Uhura putting herself at risk again and again to do what’s best for the crew, Sulu taking a leadership role with the surviving crew members and trying to keep them safe. TOS Sulu eventually becomes a captain, and you can really see the echoes of those leadership skills emerging here. And Uhura, separating the saucer to give the escape pods a chance, breaking out of the cell to send a distress signal, asserting what’s right and standing up to Krall. In many ways, she gets the hero(ine) role that in the past, has been given to Kirk or Spock.

Spock’s more introspective side. He spends a lot of the movie considering his place in the universe, his responsibilities, the legacy of Ambassador Spock, mortality. He doesn’t Vulcan-logic up a genius plan in the nick of time to save the day, it’s a softer, more measured Spock we see here, and it’s fantastic.

Scotty being a mentor and a father-figure, reaching out to Jaylah and being a figure of kindness and encouragement and concern. He saves the day in a different kind of way than whipping up an engineering miracle or three - he saves the day by reaching out to someone who was lonely and being a person who cares.

Chekov alone had less to do in the movie, but we still see him taking on leadership during the attack, making sure everyone on the bridge got in an escape pod safely, being the second last to abandon ship, only after everyone else had already gone. It’s a far cry from the childish, almost comedic role he’s had so far.

Jim being a captain, not a hero. When Commodore Paris congratulated him on saving Yorktown and he said that it wasn’t him, that really rang true. Kirk spends pretty much the entire movie affirming and reaffirming that his crew is capable, that they achieve things together, and it’s something the movie’s structure reinforces as well. More on that later.

And yes, the ensemble structure means that individual characters don’t get a ton of time focused on their own arcs, but you don’t necessarily need a lot of time in an ensemble movie, you just need to make effective use of what time you do have. Which I won’t claim every character had amazing character moments, but there was pretty solid and consistent characterization throughout, and the characters who did have time to shine shone brilliantly.

The whole theme of this movie is, as Uhura asserted to Krall/Eddison, “strength in unity.” It’s very much not an action/super hero type movie, where a single extraordinary individual saves the day. It’s the crew of the Enterprise, working together to their respective strengths, that succeeds.

Conversely, Krall/Eddison is strong so long as he still has his crew with them, but once he loses them, he loses his power. While he still has Kalara and Manas, his plans proceed well - Kalara ensnares the Enterprise, Manas helps him get away to Yorktown. Without them, he has no support. The contrast of that final confrontation with Kirk, Kirk with the entire crew of the Enterprise talking to him, giving him instructions, providing back up, and Eddison, standing alone, dying alone and in silence amidst the emptiness of space.

I mean, that scene when the U.S.S. Franklin is facing the swarm, if you watch, it’s literally the entire crew coming up with the solution together. One person has a realization, another follows that up with a suggestion, another builds on that, so on and so forth. It’s all of them, talking together, that solve the problem. No one person has all the pieces to the puzzle or some sudden mastermind plan, it’s everyone contributing what they have.

And I think that leads me into another thing that’s so great about this movie, is that it recognizes the competence and the ability of these characters. When faced with danger, everyone knows their duties, everyone performs their duties with competence and skill, they’re not just cogs in a machine, but well-oiled cogs. The movie respects these characters, respects their capabilities and their foibles and their development.

Which goes into this movie and legacy, and honouring what came before while growing into something new. We see the impacts of previous events on these characters, we see that they mattered. Someone else has already pointed out how the escape pods are called Kelvin pods - the destruction of the Kelvin in the first movie mattered, not just to Kirk, it mattered to Starfleet and they made damn sure that their crews should always have a chance to live. The destruction of Vulcan and Spock wondering about his potential duties to his people - of course that’s going to be something that lingers! The horrors of genocide aren’t just the immediate loss of loved ones, of a planet, it’s something that continues to have an effect on survivors’ lives and futures.

(There are the good legacies too, the bittersweet legacies. Ambassador Spock’s belongings, that picture of TOS cast, ugh)

((Also, the core of Eddison being that he can’t move forwards from the past, from the legacy he was a part of, that he helped build. Wanting things to stay the same - and the irony is that in trying to keep the universe at war, he changes himself so drastically from what he was. And to have his legacy, his crew’s legacy, be changed by his actions. As Commodore Paris said, “For generations, we taught that they were heroes.” Now they’re a tragedy))

It’s interesting because both Spock and Kirk have storylines around questioning their place in the universe, of living with legacies and living their lives now. And we have Kirk and Bones having that conversation at the start, Bones very keenly pointing out that Kirk has been living for his father for so long but not for himself, and then the movie switches gears and works out these feelings with Spock.

(Love how both of them end up having these conversations with Bones, give the man a gold star friend award)

And we don’t really see Kirk working through this, except we do. Kirk doesn’t talk about it outside of his captain’s log or with Bones, but we have Spock’s conversation. We see the static-y legacy of the Franklin, we see Eddison’s despair and rage in his captain’s log, we see the crew of the Enterprise rising up to the task, confronting the past and saving the present. We see Jaylah face the trauma of her memories and find trust and belonging in others, we see old meeting new, loneliness and despair but also love and hope.

We see everything except Kirk’s own internal struggle (save for Chris Pine’s frankly stellar facial acting), but maybe we don’t need to. Because everything Kirk wrestles with is everything we come to realize through the movie, and as much as we are watching what’s going on, so is he.

(See? It is a Kirk movie in a way, in that his internal conflict inspires the overall themes in the movie. But Kirk is also the audience, watching the tragedy of Eddison and the Franklin, seeing the crew, his crew, work together.)

Also, loved the unconventional character groupings. We have Sulu and Uhura as a team, Kirk and Chekov, Scotty and Jaylah, and the absolute genius of Bones and Spock. I wish all Star Trek Beyond scriptwriters a very pleasant evening for giving us the absolute gift of Bones and Spock together. We have been so blessed.

#the valley is posting #star trek beyond #these ramblings are by no means coherent but this movie just makes my media analysis heart leap for joy #it's also just a really enjoyable star trek movie because it feels like it was made with love #it's not meant to be a franchise or box office superstar; it's a love letter and an homage to the series that people love #and it's not to say that it was perfect! there's definitely stuff they slipped up on or could have done better #but thematically and character-wise - oh; it was so good #this post inspired by a wonderfully kind comment from its-all-ineffable #i started a post like this months ago but i couldn't remember the details until i rewatched it tonight

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buddiewho · 3 years

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I was bored this weekend so I rewatched season 4a. Spoilers ahead.

Honestly, I don't think things get popping until episode 3 [but weren’t actually nearly that great until the last 3 episodes tbh] and I am not even being Buddie biased or Buckley-Diaz family unit biased [this might be a bold face lie, but on second rewatch, I noticed I was paying more attention to everything else as well]. 4x03 is just a really good episode. Good old emergencies, mixed in with Eddie's paranoia over Hildy. Then from there it's Buck Begins and the whole Buckley family secret. Then of course, I feel like when we get to Jinx that starts some kind of path. The universe path, you know? There Goes the Neighborhood also continues on this path. Buck is still trying to work through some stuff; a terrible date, the bit about SAFE SPACES. Then Breaking Point. Everyone has one right? Even Christopher and getting angry or as Buck put it “ I heard you blew up at your Dad” and that’s not over yet though. Taylor needing a friend. Nearly Buck reaching one, but he managed to repair it. Eddie for the sole fact Christopher runs away. Hen and Karen actually not having a breaking point until... Chim and Maddie breaking and repairing it in regards to how Baby Mango arrives in this world. Athena and Bobby just being parents to everyone as usual.

Fun fact. Breaking Point was on as I typed this and it's the one on one scene between Buck and Chris. "I don't want to miss anyone else," Christopher says after he names all the other people he misses first. Buck is probably also telling himself, don't make it about you Buck, this isn't about you, but you are going to promise, "I'm not going anywhere." The last three episodes (Jinx, There Goes the Neighborhood, and Breaking Point) were like some kind National Treasure bullshit; *Nicolas Cage voice* "The secret lies with Charlotte." "Paul Revere went by horse and it was two lanterns not one" or some bullcrap that movie talked about (not going to lie, I once thought it was comedic), but I just mean the overall premise of National Treasure being about secrets or coded messages and a Treasure Hunt (which if I'm correct is also a name of a potential 911 episode...?)

Can I backtrack a moment to 4x07? You know the awkward double date that Buck invited Taylor to? Buck is sitting awkwardly in that chair, wondering about his life choices and little bit of a song played. The lyrics, "There's someone else for you." Just that bit of the song, for the record and I don't think it was already playing in the previous scene to end so coincidentally over Buck’s face?

I'm also not over Taylor talking about looking for a miracle in which Buck gave to her and Eddie also called Buck a miracle worker.

Okay, the end of Breaking Point: Ana comes over to the house, like some awkward new beginning parallel to Madney being cute as they prepare for Baby Mango. Buck patches things with Albert. Then the not so happy crescendo/breaking point for Hen and Karen. Adopting Nia may not happen.

It's really coded like a treasure hunt and if there's an episode named that, well, that'll be hilarious. I'm forever going to hang onto Future Tense as a way of showing us the future, Buck and Eddie have yet to realize. So when they do realize it, it'll be soo damn good. So if the presumed treasure hunt the universe sends the boys on (with everyone else on their own kind)- but if Buddie doesn’t end with them figuring out what connects them and how they want to be connected...like if they don’t meet in the middle at the X marks the spot (or the universe tether aka Christopher) then I really am just creating this treasure hunt out of thin air and it doesn’t exist like the Dad profusely told Nic Cage’s character in National Treasure...or maybe it’s also like PLAYING DETECTIVES? Cagney and Lacey inspired True Crime podcast brought to you by Buck and Eddie two LAFD firefighters and best friends occasionally featuring their Captain of the 118; plus Bobby’s friend Michael and his partner David who reluctantly participates in these shenanigans but could provide key medical evidence/research. In my mind, they read [mostly Buck and Eddie] their cases/script for this made up podcast as 1940s detectives. Smoky voice Buck: “It’s a locked room mystery.” *1940s detective music* Smoky voice Eddie: “Correction. It’s a locked yard mystery...” Anyway...

Did I mention the clowns to ya'll? We didn't forget abut those clowns did we (Jinx might actually be my fav episode of the season after FUTURE TENSE). The clowns are so pointedly shot after Eddie mentions Ana to Buck. Okay. Then there's also the love languages thing. That's a book Buck’s therapist would've recommended right now or for some reason he’s choosing to read it? As we can see, I think the show might be reeling it back in for Buck. As Eddie put it "I don't know what inspired this software upgrade." Coincidentally, Buck 3.0 is looking to the FUTURE. Anyway, the love languages. NO one immediately thinks about the coffee machine prank. Absolutely no one so I won't even make that a thing, but I notice in that scene Buck "outs" Eddie by telling the team about Ana.

Hen: Ana who?... Is this the one you yelled at? Eddie: I apologized for that. Chim: Yeah okay and you still didn't ask her out? Eddie: She's Christopher's teacher. Bobby: I thought you said she got a new job. Buck: *crickets*

What's the intention behind Buck bursting this supposed secret and then not have him encourage Eddie? Like in his way, Buck could’ve said well, does she do this or that? Words of affirmation? Gift giving? Are yours and her love languages truly compatible? Oh, wait, there’s implications behind the book Buck is reading but also...there's implications behind Chim and Bobby's statements. They're implying okay so go for it. Neither Hen or Buck really do that. Why don’t we have Hen jumping on the encouragement train either? Instead she brings it back to that one unfortunate moment any of them really remembers of Ana... Hmm, it's secrets and coded messages and the one thing that Buck has said from this entire season that truly resonates with me:

Buck (directed to Eddie): The universe is screaming at you and it's like you're not even listening.

Irony is. Neither is he.

Oh wait, another line that resonates with me (and I made a recent post with it too):

Bobby (directed to Eddie): They're so focused on what they don't have that they might miss out on the chance to have something else, something real.

Something real.

You really want me to think this line is about Ana Flores, even if Eddie thinks it somewhat is? And the foundation of it is to encourage Eddie to think about moving on, to stop being so STUCK (2x04 anyone?). If it really is about Ana then we're actually painting Bobby as the character who has no idea...? None whatsoever as to HOW CLOSE Buck and Eddie could be, if that's what they wanted. Seems fake, but okay. Bobby's line actually should highlight that they both are looking in the opposite direction when in fact the SOMETHING REAL is right in front of their faces. The something real is what Eddie came home to after his supposed date.

Just saying because to me it looks Buck and Eddie are still looking in and RUSHING INTO the PAST TENSE and have yet to understand the FUTURE TENSE.

#buddie #911 spoilers #a rewatch #a messy one #but sure why not #how could I still not watch it with Buddie goggles on or my clown hat #...

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thegeminisage · 2 years

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hello! i've been a fan of your fic for a while & i love your writing tips! i've noticed you deploy memory/flashbacks really well, to illustrate character's internal monologue, drop foreshadowing, provide exposition in a show-not-tell way, etc. do you have any pointers about when to drop a flashback into a scene?

HI and WOW thank you so much!!!!!! honestly lol sometimes i worry i overuse flashbacks so this is great news to me <3 this is a really good ask too because i tend to lean into them kinda naturally/instinctively without really thinking about why (there’s a reason i get jokes about being theee nonlinear person...), so i actually did have to stop and think about it! after doing so i’ve come to the conclusion that most of my flashbacks tend to fall into these categories:

pacing - this is the biggest one i think. whenever we need a moment to slow down and recover from something OR to pause and build up to something, i tend to pad it with a flashback for dramatic effect. for example: in @cambionverse right before jesse encounters (what he thinks is) the ghost of his dead love interest, he has a dream about him that’s a partial flashback. not only is this good for exposition (more on that later) because it reminds who that guy even is, it also increases tension & builds up suspense for that sweet beat drop where we go AAAH IT’S A GHOST!! it’s also a good way to come down from things - in, um, a fic that isn’t published yet, after something really terrible and upsetting happens, there’s a short flashback afterwards to give us all a break before we launch back into the harsh light of present day. actually, the best use i’ve ever seen of this in fic was not even something i wrote - it’s at the end of a long winter (apologies to the author), where peggy’s confession to steve is split right in the middle by a flashback to the 1940s - or rather, as the author once told me, the flashback was bracketed by the confession. it gives emotional weight to what she’s about to say, FORESHDOWS what she’s about to say (”i’m your bad penny - i’ll turn up until the day you die”), keeps a scene of exposition from feeling too long, helps to tone change, etc. basically, i think the VERY best and most effective place to deploy a flashback, and the way i most enjoy doing it, is for pacing/dramatic effect - but it is not the only place!

exposition/plot - sometimes many key events of a fic take place in a time outside the here and now, so much so that half your plot is dependent on what happened x number of years ago or whatever. for example, almost all the flashbacks in anchor ARE plot information - quite literally half of the story is essentially about chris argent’s unreliable (due to trauma reasons) memory, and so part of the present-day plot hinges on working out what really happened in the past. pacing comes into play here too - i tried to use spreadsheets to make sure i wasn’t infodumping everything at once, and kept the distribution even, and make sure i escalate things properly (starting with the most innocuous information and working up to the most dramatic). a flashback can give you clues to a mystery, or finally solve it! semi-related to this, when i’m writing a fic in a fandom where i know not everyone has seen all of the material, or where people don’t rewatch religiously, i also tend to summarize any relevant events from canon (or MY version of those events) where they are relevant - for example, when dean and cas talk about flagstaff+similar events in broken road, they both know something the audience doesn’t yet, so i have to clue everyone in before they can really get into it. (i actually think this particular flashback stalled the momentum of this scene somewhat - if i was doing it over, i’d probably try to put it somewhere a little earlier. but you get the idea)

irony - this one isn’t as major, but basically if dean is getting possessed by an angel you could flash back to all the times he said no. or you could flash back to sam getting possessed instead, or sam able to avoid that particular fate in s11, or sam saying no, etc. (different medium, but fanvids use stuff like this to great effect. actually, when dean was leading a normal life in season 6 the flashbacks to him doing similar things but bloodier were EXTREMELY difficult for me personally.) if a character dies and then something they didn’t want happens you can flash back to them saying they’ll do something over their dead body, ha ha. the irony can be funny or devastating but when the opportunity presents itself it’s hard to resist. ironically (ha HA) i couldn’t find a fic example of this even though i KNOW i’ve done it before but it works. source(s): dude trust me

for fun - i DO tend to enjoy a good nonlinear narrative, so honestly sometimes i just throw a flashback in there whenever i’m caught up in thoughts about past events while writing current ones - if i’m thinking about it, good bets on my characters thinking about it too. this is why i worry i overuse them - there’s no rhyme or reason to this - but fanfic is 1. for fun 2. to first and foremost please yourself, so if you feel called to toss one in there for funsies and you think it would make your shit more interesting to write, it might just be a good instinct that will make it more interesting to read, too. enthusiasm almost ALWAYS bleeds through to the work regardless of technical skill!!

also, it’s good to remember that not all flashbacks need to look the same, maybe even in the same story. sometimes they can be a character in narrative telling us about a past event, sometimes you can actually write out the event as if it’s happening now, sometimes it can be as simple as “and then x remembered when--” etc, etc. it can be short or long, in italics or not (i found great success in taking away the italics during a flashback-heavy moment in anchor, so we’d have a hard time telling the past from the present just like chris argent). you can always change it to fit Your Needs - whatever way fits works!!

[fic advice masterpost]

#anonymous #liz answers asks #liz loves writing #anon it took me ages to answer this bc im Slow so i decided to schedule it to go up at the same time u sent the original ask <3 #i hope you see it!!! and ty for sending one in i have loves to talk disease

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gin-and-luce · 4 years

Text

You killed our dog! Adriana of The Sopranos gave me strength to navigate life after a breakup during a global pandemic lockdown

I’m going through a breakup. It’s come at the worst time but also the best time. He ended things with me (more on that later) after three years in the most Beta-Male way...but this is what happens when your type can be boiled down to softboi. I can’t see my friends in the conventional way, so I made some new ones on screen to help me navigate the end during quarantine.

Over ten weeks ago I started watching The Sopranos. It doesn’t need justifying, everyone knows it’s the best television series of all time, but I’d never seen it, and I knew a global pandemic induced lockdown would provide optimum viewing circumstances. My favourite thing to do is completely throw myself into the female narrative and experience I’m watching on screen. I prefer a long deep drama over a film. I like being able to see my girls every night.

People have said to me before “you should start a blog”, but I could never escape the feeling that doing so is massively narcissistic because it *is*, unless you have something actually relevant to write about. Alternatively, the image of Gretchen Weiners leaning in and going “you let it out honey, put it in the book” floats across my conscience, and everything embarrassing that I’ve ever done, plays in a montage in my mind.

Who gives a fuck what I have to say about anything…….. especially about a cultural phenomena that is quite literally regarded as the best TV show of all time?

I’d been wanting to write this after I watched Long Term Parking. I lay in the dark for 45 minutes after the episode ended. I’d never felt like that watching a television show or film before. My throat had seized up but I didn’t cry, even though I felt like it. I knew it was coming from the moment Adriana met the agent. I wasn’t surprised, but I was heartbroken and absolutely fuming. I still am.

I’m not angry with Christopher, Tony, or Silvio, but just the general unbalance I’ve felt when I’m in a relationship. The loss of self, relationships being a series of compromises. From what I have found from my own experiences and my girlfriends’, women are just much more willing to compromise, but don’t consider it to be a compromise. Men can only take into consideration their own reality, an evolutionary selfishness that just doesn’t translate.

Just as lockdown began I texted my boyfriend to say I loved him and I missed him. He responded with “Can’t say I feel the same”. Nearly 3 years were over just like that. We had the obligatory phone call, where I was hysterical and he was smarmy and smug. Yet when it was over, I felt nothing. It’s allllll a big nothing.

My personal Gospel is Sex and The City (shout out to HBO!). This was my Berger moment. He essentially scribbled “I’m sorry, I can’t. Don’t hate me” on a post-it. The irony of the whole thing is that when we watched it together, he himself said he was most like Berger. Thinking about it makes me wince.

My life opened up in front of me, I was exposed to his weakness regarding the situation in full when his sister-in-law messaged me on Instagram a few days ago. He hadn’t told his family, nor had he told his flatmates (another shout out to my sleuths at the back, you know who you are!).

The Sopranos is a show about life. The Mafia structure provides a vehicle for us to question morality and mortality. You take what you get from it. When I watch it again at a different stage of my life, I will get something else out of it.

For me now, while I stew in my own emotion during quarantine, Adriana represents emotional labour and the expectation for women to behave in a certain way in relationships.

At first when my ex’s family members were messaging me, I was confused. It is frankly humiliating to smile as if everything is normal, so as to protect someone that in the end would not do the same for me. I know he wouldn’t do the same because there was just no courtesy in what happened weeks ago. I am trying to move on but things like this stunt your personal growth.

The struggle with emotional labour hones a guilt that someday I’ll regret giving my early 20s to something that didn’t work out. I felt like I was on borrowed time.

These are obviously my own insecurities spurred on by the fact that I’ve read enough “10 things I wish I knew in my 20s” blogs to know that these are my selfish years. Still, it is ultimately devastating to see the last 3 years of your life conclude via a text that displays a failure to realise that there is no real clean cut for a long-term relationship.

I respect him for the blunt statement because it means I get to reference the Berger SATC breakup and say “casually cruel in the name of being honest” (Taylor Swift, 2012) a LOT, which softens the pity in the social scenarios that I invent in my head in the shower.

When Tony calls Adriana to tell her Christopher has tried to kill himself, that was like my final phone call too. This is the end. Her youthfulness was why I related to her most in the show, but at the same time having nothing to lose made her easily expendable. Youth makes you put 100% into something knowing it is a gamble.

I’m not comparing my ‘borrowed time’ to Adriana because she ends up dead, but there was a disregard for her life that was so harrowing because she did nothing but try and do the right thing. I watched Adriana put Christopher first willingly for 5 series. He supported her music management dreams but ultimately ended up making it all about him. He gave her the Crazy Horse but this ultimately was just another mob hangout. He sat on her dog, he continued to use heroin, shag other people, and so on.

“You could start writing again,” she tells him in her last episode, to which he responds “I could do my memoirs, finally,”. Here is Adriana still!! STILL!! catering to Christopher’s ego to give herself some confidence. Very me.

All the way through she was just too good for him. Her ties to the Famiglia aren’t as tight as Carmela and Co. No children, still young, there’s chance for Adriana to get out if she wanted to. Of course this makes her prime FBl bait, but shows she sticks by Christopher through everything purely out of love. In the end she dies on her knees, subservient, with Heart’s Barracuda the last song she hears. I know Adriana had to go. That’s the way it is in the Famiglia because Christopher took an oath. But in a way she also had the carpet ripped from underneath her, just like me.

There are lots of men writing on the internet about how Adriana is greedy and hypocritical. I just don’t understand where this reading is coming from other than obvious misogyny. I’ve read others that say if she was really that strong she would have simply left the relationship years ago. I believe that she believed things would improve for both of them, and that most people are just slut shaming her for her past.

Still, Drea DeMatteo won a Best Supporting Actress Emmy for the episode. Fuckin�� A.

I rooted for the woman. Before I was made redundant while working from home, I would spend half my life at my desk willing it to be 5:30pm, so I could slither back to the settee and spend the other half of my life in New Jersey. I’d phone my mum to discuss the episodes. She loves the show too, it’s always been a favourite in my household. We’d talk about the women like they were our friends and how we relate to them. The Sopranos is like a big mirror urging you to question everything. The answer to life is simply what are ya gonna do?

Men love making things black and white so it is easier for them, when really women are in the background sorting out the shades of grey.

Don’t get me wrong, Adriana’s significance is massive, albeit more so because of her death. You watch Christopher and Tony’s relationship start to crumble afterwards. It's shattering to see the disregard for Christopher’s sobriety and how despite his loyalty, he still sees him as a liability and weak.

On the other hand, for Adriana’s sake, I am still enraged that he couldn’t see the bigger picture at the time. She is collateral damage in his path to finding his precious arc - “Wives, girlfriends, they can complicate life in a major way” Tony expresses to Jennifer as he runs from his own guilt.

Christopher is desperate for Tony’s approval but is more than happy to use his blood connection as a protective leeway whenever he steps out of line. Again the irony is that he comes to tell Tony about Adriana first, just as the old Famiglia values say he should, but there is no real personal reward for doing so despite the personal sacrifice.

I think Christopher regretted it in the end, and rightly so. When he is faced with his potential alternate life at the gas station, we assume that this was what made him go to Tony. It’s a family with loads of kids. Adriana probably can’t even have kids??? What kind of male logic?! #justiceforadriana

I can’t help but feel for him when JT screams “Chris, you’re in the MAFIA!”. It’s the same kind of reality check that Chief Cubitoso gives Adriana, it’s an ultimatum and it’s the realisation that they are trapped in this life. Just ask Gene.

Carmela knew. I read her dreams as a testament to a woman’s intuition. She knows her friend isn’t what everyone is describing, she knows Adriana wouldn’t just disappear. She is all too aware of the emotional labour Mob women carry. When she sees Adriana with Cosette on the banks of the Seine, it is as sad as it is when we dream about people who have died.

There is a scene in an early episode where Carmela says “Don’t we all?” in response to Meadow squealing “She’s MARRYING a BABY?” at a painting of The Marriage of Saint Catherine. I thought about this again when Christopher dies. Carmela passes her instinct off as hysteria, she isn’t to know. “So quick to blame, what is the attraction in that?” she cries during the aftermath of the car crash. There is a critique in her own femininity here that just makes you want to shout “NO CARM!!!!!!!”. As she believes she mothers Tony, there is the double-edged sword whereby he protects her through keeping her in the dark. “Heaven only ever sees my love making a fool of me” sings Emmylou Harris at the start of season 5. Carm’s power is taken away but she doesn’t even know.

Carmela dedicates her life to being a mother but it’s not enough to save Meadow from her surname. We get some sense that AJ ‘Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit’ Soprano might be on a new path when he feels like the burning of his car among the autumn leaves of death was cathartic. As a man, he just has more freedom anyway.

Miss Meadow gained her independence by getting her driving license, but in the end we see that she is still held back in the final scene by her inability to parallel park. She slots right in, eventually. As she does, she slots into the Soprano cycle after years of doing the most to get out and pave her own way. After every breakup with someone without links to the Famiglia, no scrubs, she returns and dates someone closer to home. Her career path is left tenuous to us, it would be all too easy for her to become a kept woman, which feels like it is the only real option should she settle down into the lifestyle with Patrick Parisi. It isn’t what she envisioned for herself, so part of me wants to hope that her story ends up a little bit more like Elle Woods. Legally Italian.

I probably wouldn’t even have remembered her saying anything about parallel parking if I wasn’t terrible at parallel parking myself. It’s the pepperings of these subtle callbacks that make the show so beautiful. As the guitar solo plays on during the frustration, you’re invited to reminisce over Meadow’s journey. I fully wept watching her struggle to get the damn car parked because I’m trying to get my car parked too. Don’t stop believing, Meadow.

I admire all the women in The Sopranos. The show is feminist, and that is a hill I am prepared to die on. It’s definitely up for debate as it is obviously littered with gratuitous nudity and women are commoditised. We have to allow this for cultural context for the show, but real life is basically exactly the same too?

I read a post on Reddit where a dude is asking whether he should watch the show with his girlfriend. He types ‘“It’s a masterpiece of film but she probably wouldn’t get into it as I am”, and you don’t have to look much further to find more comments about how women and their puny minds just won’t get it. It’s an odd perspective to take given that Tony’s psychiatrist is a woman, but of course women could never grasp something so complex. It’s bullshit if you ask me, the female narrative prevails throughout all scenarios.

The Pine Barrens seems to be everyone’s favourite episode. It’s not my favourite but there are two major elements that resonated with me. The first is Meadow looking down at the three letter words Jackie Aprile Jr had placed on the Scrabble board, and the second is when Gloria says to Tony:

“What you said was that you didn’t wanna piss me off..which implies that you’d have to deal with me, which is more about sparing YOU than my fucking feelings”. Don’t need to elaborate on that. Rest in power, Gloria. Legend.

Of course I could write pages and pages of hot feminist takes on all of the women - Jennifer, Janice, Livia, Angie, Svetlana, Charmaine. Lord knows I could probably write a book on Tracee.“ 20 years old, this girl”, I bashed Living on a Thin Line by The Kinks for about a week after that episode. It is the male gaze of the show made me love the women more. Carmela is my mother and I’ll probably name my first born Meadow.

Carmela is the powerhouse and backbone of The Soprano household even though Tony provides. She represents stability, emotional labour, and putting on a brave face regardless. In some ways, it is as if Carmela represents the human emotion side and the fragility of organised crime. She is secure, but not enough, and her lack of ability to stand on her own two feet plagues her conscience through time. She is totally complicit, but must be to ensure her future with Tony as he pays anything to roll the dice just one more time. At the end of Long Term Parking, she and Tony stand looking at where she will build her spec-house. The forest looks the same as where we lost Ade, it’s a grim reflection that Carmela wouldn’t have this life if it wasn’t for the quick disposal of those like Adriana.

Yeah okay, what the hell is a show with a feminist underpinning trying to say about wider society about a woman who exercises her beauty, loyalty and ambition?? Is it that she is not to be trusted?? Adriana’s a rat, but before this she is already deemed “damaged goods” anyway. She dresses provocatively, but that’s because she just looks MINT always. You would dress like THAT if you looked like THAT. When you Google her, ‘Adriana Sopranos Tennis’ comes up. I roll my eyes. Fucking men, eh? To take it down to a basic Sixth-Form-Poet reading, Adriana is Curley’s Wife and Daisy Buchanan all in one. She loves a red manicure too, and it might have worked out better for her if she had played the complicit beautiful little fool.

This isn’t ‘Why The Sopranos is good!’, but a love letter to Adriana and her strength, because there is basically little or no content written on the women of the show when I have Googled. I needed there to be more things written about her that isn’t just “bitch had it coming” when in fact she is a martyr.

When Adriana was on screen, there was my mate. I knew her, she wanted what I wanted, but she sacrificed so much of herself for others and it was heartbreaking to watch. She barely gets a look-in in early episodes, but when she does she is usually wearing something animal print, which automatically made her the number one character on my radar. I am choosing to believe the theory that she is the cat in the final episode too.

Still, I have been struggling and questioning why an episode that aired 16 years ago, with no plot that links to my own circumstances, has had such a monumental impact on me.

I saw a tweet that said “have we ever sat down and thought about why relationships only work if the guy is more invested than the girl or is that just something we accept” (@anugov1). Adriana invested more in Christopher, even in the end, than she ever did herself.

As I navigate this transitional period in my life, I am Adriana driving in the vision we see when we think she is going to start her new chapter. We can’t leave the flat, I have no job. The Sopranos has provided the most cathartic escapism for me. As I enter into whatever new world follows this nightmare, I wanted my mate Adriana to find her new world too, turning the classic rock up to 11.

#the sopranos #adriana la cerva #christopher moltisanti #carmela soprano #feminism #cosette #breakup #woe is me #hbo #david chase #drea de matteo

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letstalksymphogear · 5 years

Text

Symphogear, EP.7 (Cont.)

“i have not now, nor ever, liked this creepy ass church elevator.”

“kanade please get out of my head, just because im hungry doesnt mean you have to tell me every time i am”

Hibiki finishes getting a full body X-ray. She’s fine.

“that anime protagonist immunity is really kicking in well!”

“by the way, your wife is here! and she’s looking mighty miffed., as opposed to me, mighty milfed.”

“you dont strike me as a mother figure but ill play along for now”

“i just hope miku’s okay...”

“oh, she’ll be fine! see, i’ve seen these kinds of plots before. big secret revealed, another lover is shown, the victim watches as they’re thoroughly cheated on, and they get to lik-”

“please stop breathing”

Genjuro’s wasting away again in Margaritaville. Looking for some daughter to adopt. SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT THERE’S A, WOOOOMAAAAAN TO BLAAAAAAAAAAME, BUT HE KNOWS

XYLOPHONE RIFF

THAT’S IT’S ALL HIS FAULT

XYLOPHONE RIFF

“i hate it when he gets like this. jimmy buffets not a good look for him.”

“for once you and i agree. seeing the commander sulk like this like a middle aged perma-tourist is genuinely miserable”

“hey homies! im back and i brought some bitches! oh, jesus, why does this place smell like mistakes in miami?”

“its me. im sorry. every time i feel like i failed as a dad, my anti-dad energies manifest. imagine every midlife crisis rolled up into a single ball, smacked into the face for eternity. thats the depth of my pain for failing this girl.”

In a moment of positivity, the friendship between Tsubasa and Hibiki is cemented.

> Tsubasa has joined the party.

“FRIENDSHIP!”

“fweindship.”

“uuuuhhhhh... dadship? yeah thats close enough.”

“WE’RE ALL GOOD FRIENDS!”

“ya tiddies are ringing again, better go get it”

Ryoko also points out that Hibiki’s relic is fusing with herself at an alarming rate. This is important to keep in mind.

Meanwhile, at night.

Miku is posing in the motherly “you done fucked up, where have you been young lady” position. A cold scolding is coming.

“.........................hey miku......”

“you can come in. are you worried im gonna bite? you suplexed a car. that shouldn’t be an issue anymore.”

“miku, i.... i wanted to tell you.... but.... the plot wouldn’t let me, miku....”

“should’ve told the plot to fuck off anyway. now you’re gonna live with that. you’re sleeping... on the bottom bunk.”

“b.... b..... b...... b.... b...... bottom bunk...?”

They slept separately that night. God, this is so stupid. All of this is so goddamned stupid. “I’m so mad at you even though you saved my life.” This is just so. AUGH. THIS IS DUMB. KANEKO WRITE BETTER ANGST THAT MAKES SENSE THAT ISN’T THIS.

Meanwhile, far away from this garbage...

Chris, having been evicted from Fine’s McMansion, wanders the streets of mumblemumble aimlessly. Don’t be fooled by her new fancy dress. Basically, she’s a combat-competent hobo.

“no food. no home. no victories. this sucks. whyd you do it, fine? we coulda been great together. but no. ya fired me. now i look like im prancing the red light district with a highly advanced superweapon around my neck.”

“no... hibiki’s to blame. ever since that genderbent little mac showed up to fight me, it’s been all downhill. fine thought me a laughstock because i couldnt take out her oversized boxing gloves, and now she beat me while i had nehushtan. god... i wish i never met that damn hamster faced chubby cheeked nerd.”

“wait, whats that crying”

Chris spies two kids talking to each other, one of them crying. Chris immediately makes an assumption, believing the big bro is bullying his sis.

“hey! stop nicking her lunch money, twerp”

Chris currently is a firm believer of corporeal punishment.

But the sister deflects the blow. Chris can’t even defeat children right now. Truly, this is a record low for her. You know you blew it when even kids are schooling you on basic morality. She then tells the little girl to stop crying, ironically mirroring her brother.

The infamous double T-Pose maneuver. Chris, you might as well get a shovel and start digging your own grave.

“i keep doing bad things badly, and now im doing good things badly... when fine said i was bad... did she just mean im not talented?”

Chris, finally, does a good thing and helps these kids find their parents.

“yeah. hibiki saved a kid when she got her gear. guess what? bam! im saving two! that’s fifty percent more kid per kid saved. take that, weirdo.”

The kids call her out on Chris singing unconsciously, and Chris gets flustered over it. Dawwwwww.

Chris manages to get them to safety to their Dad...

...while brutally lying about it, making Chris look like a predator. There’s a very crushing irony at play here, given who Chris used to serve.

“ugggggggggggggggghhhhhh hes not even gonna payyyyy meeeeeee why the fuck did i dooooo thiiiiiiissssss”

“hey, you know. you kids have a really nice relationship with one another. care to give me tips on how to be an empathetic human being capable of making friends?”

“maybe we’re born with it”

“maybe its maybeline”

“maybeline...”

Meanwhile...

A cold wind blows through Lydian Apartment 69-L. (I don’t actually know if that’s their room number, I just made it up.)

“jesus take the wheel, because i’m jumping out the passenger seat to save this current wreck of a relationship”

“miku please i saved your life, doesnt that count for anything”

“you already killed me the moment you lied. also im taking the bottom bunk so i dont have to see your face coming down the ladder.”

“miku you cant hide in this depression den forever. i know i hurt you and im sorry for it, but please understand i literally couldnt do it. you saw there were punches and violence and stuff... i didnt want you tied to that...”

“what was that? i cant hear your apologies over my incredibly loud snoring. SNOOOOOOORE. SNOOOOOOOORE. SNOOO- fuck, i just swallowed my spit, fuck”

“i hope this cocoon of displeasure you’ve made for yourself lets you erupt into a butterfly of acceptance so i can fly with you again.”

“......thats not fair. you cant say those beautiful metaphors and get away with it. let me be mad... sniff... let me be mad...”

Sadness wafts in the den of lies Hibiki has been forced into.

No music plays. There is only heartbreak, and woe.

In the midst of this pain...

Ryoko loredumps about how the Symphogears work and are immune to the noise on her blog, ‘hornyonmainforscience.org’, her hybrid science journal slash kink zone. It’s mostly a recap with some pretty good soft techno beats in it.

“i made a custom brew of red bull, five hour energy drink, coffee, and cream. i call it gamer girl piss.”

“damn. that’s some good piss.”

She muses about how Hibiki has managed to break the limitations of her Symphogear, making her a totally unique specimen. Wait, where have we heard this before...?

Hey... Ryoko... let’s just... cool it a bit with the Hibiki pictures... come on...

Ryoko touches upon the Custodians and the Curse of Babel. We ain’t touching that shit until later, because that’s another shitfuck box of crazy just ready to jump us in a dark alleyway to rob us of our wits.

Back to Lydian:

“miku whats the answer to the first three multiple choice questions”

“B. A. D.”

“oh, thanks. huh, BAD.”

“yeah. you are.”

“mmm. taste likes dissapointment. just like my life.”

“hey table for two haha get it cause there’s two chairs and miku for the love of god, please, forgive me”

“ive surgically removed my eyes and drew eyelashes over them with sharpie so i dont have to see your bird bangs.”

“thats very rude to both me and my hair. also, wig.”

Even Hibiki’s meal is judging her. Mainly for not eating it. Fucking look at this. God, that looks amazing. Fuck, why did I write this while I was hungry.

“miku you cant do this forever. i might die and youll end up crying on my tombstone going ‘oh god, why, oh god’, and really, i cant live with myself if that happens. mainly because id already be dead by then”

The Anime Janai crew show up to break some icebergs with a goddamn sledgehammer. As the self-aware Gods of this realm, they got very tired of this poor display of angst, and have decided to directly intervene.

Nevermind. They came for her kneecaps, and they most certainly got them.

PLEASE. I’M BEGGING YOU. END THIS GARBAGE PLOT THREAD.

“look. imma lay down the facts. yall are gay. yall are in love. yall are angry for the wrong reasons. its nobody’s fault here but the writer. so please kiss and make up. pretty please.”

“kaneko... you fool... we all know what the original sin is. its your hack writing making this stupidity in the first place. let the pencil go, asshole!”

They bring up the fact that Hibiki isn’t doing her work and wonder if she has a job on the side, which isn’t allowed by the school. Miku gets annoyed and bails, with Hibiki running after her. Unfortunately, Miku runs faster...

“oh god miku not the rooftop whatever you’re thinking just dont do it! please!”

“no. i came here to angst, since this is the Maximum Angst Zone.”

“i..... okay! okay, that’s fair! rooftops are the perfect place to look sad while getting proper air ventilation, thats fine”

It really would have been better played if it was played off that she felt hurt not because of the lie, but because she felt like she could have helped her better having known the truth, and it being a self-loathing sort of scenario for not being there better for her and not fully understanding the risk at play.

But no, instead, we get this.

youtube

Absolutely obliterated. A heart ripped, shredded, and sent to the Shadow Realm.

The episode ends on that note, but has a post credit scene.

Naked. On an old timey telephone. On a computer. Wearing stockings and long gloves.

The main antagonist of the series, everybody.

She’s talking the best English possible to some random-ass American when suddenly bursting through the scene is none other than:

“I WANT WORKERS COMPENSATION YOU BITCH, BEFORE I UNIONIZE YOUR NAKED ASS”

“AND I WANT A GOOD REFERNECE FOR MY FUTURE EMPLOYER, AND ALSO A SEVERANCE PACKAGE SINCE I’M FUCKING HOMELESS”

“i paint my eyelashes with mascara made from the tar of freshly carbonated corpses manufactured through noise, what on gods green earth compels you to think id give a rats ass about you?”

“so you never cared, huh! you’re just a nasty naked hedonist trying to- trying to- what the fuck are you even trying to do?!”

“i want to live the dream every spicy little fossil like me yearns for.”

“I WANNA FUCK GOD!”

“how- what? what? how do you even- what? are you- do you want to be the pope? is that it? does the pope get to fuck god? are you- is this a larping thing? you’ve really been into larping lately! i don’t like this!”

“youve never read the old testament, have you. ass out, pussy bare, hips up and barefoot. that’s how god’s always liked it.”

“now get lost, punk. you tipped off my hand to genjuro and now you being here is going to ruin everything. if you still feel any semblance of devotion, eat one of your own bullets and call it a day.”

“it’s 2012 bitch, if the mayans dont get you, I WILL”

“what god gives, He takes away, and so do i. i built you from the ground up. your relic, which was good for jack shit on you. the nehushtan, which you failed to do anything with except zap a couple hundred people. stop wars? you’re a walking war, waged by me, for me. and your cartridge has just run out of bullets.”

“uh oh! hand’s acting up again! better bail before i send you back to smacktown where all the bitter little shittalkers like you strut around spending their lives being useless as hell.”

“ah fuck, im not dealing with no manos: the hands of fate bullshit again”

“and guess what else i got on motherfucker”

“i see the union efforts have officially been busted. understandable, have a nice day ma’am”

“LEAVE.”

“I’M GOING, I’M GOING”

#symphogear #symphogear season 1 #anime #recap #comedy

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purpleocity · 6 years

Text

Fake Boyfriend

Pairing: Jesse Katsopolis x Reader

Word count: 2,400

Summary: Your sister comes to town, and you are in need of a fake boyfriend. Your friend Jesse takes up the position, but things get messy when your ex shows up.

A/N: (L/n = Last name. You’re smart) So ya girl’s been watching wayyy too much Full House. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I tried to include some classic sitcom moments in which a laugh track might occur, so I was aiming for cheesy with this one. Also, it breaks my heart not to have Jesse and Rebecca together but also like I needed a Jesse x Reader in my life. I’m a total trash can. Enjoy. :)

The phone rang. Again, and again, and again...

“Hello?” A deep voice answered.

Relief rushed through you, but you were still tense. It wasn’t the relief you’d hoped to feel. You shifted a little, realizing your hesitation was lasting a little too long to be comfortable. “Hey, Chris, how are you?”

“Fine, I guess,” he replied. He cleared his throat. “Are you okay? You’ve got that tone.”

“Tone? What tone? This is just my voice.”

You heard him shift a little on the other line. “Y/n, what’s going on?”

You sighed, sitting back on the couch. “I’m just gonna be straightforward.” You passed a hand over your eyes. “I’m in a bit of a situation.”

Chris took a breath in, awaiting your answer. A long, heavy silence hung between you two. “You’re stalling.”

You groaned. “I know. Look, don’t take this the wrong way, but you were the last person I wanted to call.”

“Wow, thanks.”

That wasn’t entirely true. He wasn’t the last person you wanted to call, but he was certainly a close second.

“I told my sister I had a boyfriend so she’d stop setting me up with random guys off the streets.” You sighed and remembered how she insisted you just try going out with every man she found and insisted would be perfect for you. “And now she’s coming out to visit so she can meet him. I, uh, need you to—”

“Are you asking me on a date, Miss L/n?” he cut in.

“Fake date,” you corrected quickly, remembering why he was so low on the list of potential fake boyfriends. “Nothing special. Just you, me, and my sister at the Smash Club. I’ll buy you a drink and everything.”

Silence. He must have been contemplating the offer.

“Please, Chris, I’m desperate.”

He gave a bitter laugh. “Yeah, I noticed.” His tone shifted. “But, I can’t turn down a free drink with the most beautiful woman in the world.”

You swallowed, sighing. You couldn’t believe you’d just asked your ex on a date, albeit a fake one. You really hoped you wouldn’t regret this. “Thanks, Chris. I’ll see you tomorrow at eight.”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart.”

You grit your teeth and hung up the phone before he could continue flirting. “I am a complete and total idiot,” you reminded yourself.

***

Looking down at your watch, you frowned. Both your sister and Chris were late. You actually hoped he wouldn’t show up. You didn’t want to see him again. But, if he was conveniently missing tonight, you would be subject to more uncomfortable dates with more randos. Of course, if neither he or your sister were to show up, that would make your night even better. Or at least as good as it could be sitting alone in a crowded club.

Chris was one of the guys she’d picked for you. She was certain he was the one, and was heartbroken when it didn’t work out. “Didn’t work out” was putting it lightly. Chris may have put on a friendly face at first, but he was an angry person, and it came out at its worst when he drank. Another reason you hoped he might not show.

Before you could worry yourself any further, your heart jumped into your throat when you felt a hand on your arm and heard a familiar voice.

“Y/n, hey! What are you doing here?”

You looked up to meet the dark eyes of the one and only Jesse Katsopolis. You felt your stomach do a somersault.

“O-oh, Jesse, what are you doing here?” you stuttered, smoothing your hair.

He laughed a little. “I own the place.”

“Oh, yeah.” You laughed nervously and chewed your lip a little. You mentally kicked yourself for asking such a stupid question.

“So,” he slid into the booth across from you, “what brings you to the ol’ Smash Club?”

You laughed again, this time at the irony of your situation. “Just...” You sighed and looked down at your watch again. Then you looked up to see your sister, Tabitha, wandering into the club. “Damn.”

“What?” A hint of concern made itself evident with a little crease between his eyebrows.

You rubbed your eyes. “I’ve got myself into a stupid situation. My sister wants to meet me and my boyfriend here, but I don’t have a boyfriend, and now I’m totally screwed.”

“Wait, why’d you tell her she could meet him if he’s not real?” His concern had now dissolved into confusion.

You groaned at your own stupidity. “I asked my ex to be my fake boyfriend.”

“Wait, your ex? It wasn’t Chris, was it?” There was that concern again. When you didn’t answer, he sighed. “Dang, girl, you really have gotten yourself into a stupid situation.”

“Don’t worry, he stood me up.” You ran your fingers through your hair, leaning on your hand and deflating. “Looks like I’m back to dates with scum off the streets, courtesy of Tabitha.”

“Woah, woah, woah,” Jesse spoke up, “I’m not gonna let that happen. Y/n, you’re one of my closest friends. You have been for years. You’ve been there for me time and time again, so it’s my turn to be the good friend now.” He leaned forward, elbows on the table. “If you need a fake boyfriend, you’ve got one right here.” He gestured to himself.

No, no, no, you thought. You felt your face heat up a little, but you really didn’t have any other options. “Perfect. Thank you so much, Jesse. You’re a life saver.” Hey, it was a fake boyfriend, and that’s just what you needed right then.

“I’ve got you, girl.” He winked, making butterflies flutter in your stomach.

“Y/n!” Tabitha squealed, leaning over and giving you a tight hug. You stood to give your sister a proper hug. Despite everything, you were happy to see her. “How are you?”

Jesse stood too, coming to your side.

“I’m good,” you replied, sucking in a quiet, surprised breath as he took your hand.

Tabitha got quiet for a moment, then a great big smile lit up her features. “Y/n, is this your boyfriend?” She didn’t give you time to respond. “I’m so happy for you guys!” she exclaimed, hugging the both of you. “I can’t believe this! I know how much you liked him for so long!”

Yep. You were ready to curl up and die right then. Having Chris here might have actually been better. There was a reason Jesse was the last person you wanted to call.

Regardless, you tried to roll with it. You gave a nervous laugh. “Yeah...I was pretty crazy about him.”

Jesse looked a little dumbfounded, but it quickly dissolved into a smirk as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders. He flashed a smile at Tabitha “Still are, aren’t you, babe?” He kissed the top of your head. “Funny how it worked out. I liked her a lot for a really long time too.” He looked at you again as you felt your face flush. Of course he was just playing along, and any further discussion of the situation would make your heart sink even lower.

The three of you made small talk for a while, each sipping on your respective drinks. You could’ve sworn Jesse was intentionally flirting with you now just to mess with you. Wasn’t he still with Rebecca? You didn’t realize he was such a jerk. You decided to blacklist him next time you needed a fake boyfriend. He was being pretty convincing right now, though.

He said something to make you laugh, and you did, though it wasn’t genuine. Your sister added onto it; again you pulled a fake giggle.

“Y/n?”

When you realized who the voice belonged to, your heart jumped into your throat.

“Y/n, what are you doing?” Chris slurred and he stumbled over to your table, alcohol heavy on his breath.

You hoped to salvage any chance you had keeping up the act. “I’m with my boyfriend,” you nodded to Jesse, a pleading look in your eye, “and my sister. She wanted to meet him.”

His hand closed around your arm and he yanked you to your feet.You tried to hold back a yelp.

Jesse stood as if on instinct.

“I thought I was your boyfriend tonight. Where have you been?” Chris barked. “I’ve been waiting for you all freakin’ evening! Do you know how embarrassing it is to be stood up?”

You cast a quick look at Tabitha, who looked confused. You looked away the second she glanced back at you. You wrung your hands and looked again to Chris.

“I can’t believe I wasted my time on you. You’re just as worthless as the day I left you!” Chris loomed over you, making you take a step back. He grabbed your arm and clenched his jaw, his eyes glassy despite the anger behind them. “You little—“

“Okay, that’s enough.” Jesse stepped forward, putting an arm out in front of you as to put himself between you and Chris. “I think you should head on home, pal.” He poked Chris’s chest.

Your ex crossed his arms, stumbling a little and turning to Jesse, looking down his nose at the latter and taking advantage of the two or three inch height difference. “Who’re you?” Chris asked with a snarl. Then it donned on him that this wasn’t their first confrontation. “Oh, yeah, I remember you, Hairboy.”

“That’s right, and I’m proud of it. I suggest you get outta here, Beefcake.” Jesse mirrored Chris’s snarl.

“Who’re you calling Beefcake?”

At this point, you all had caused a big scene and people started staring. Someone called security before the guys could go at it, and just in time too. Chris had Jesse by the collar and was swinging his hand back to hit him. The two security guards escorted Chris outside with a little effort, leaving you with Tabitha, Jesse, and a lot of explaining to do.

“Y/n, what’s going on? What was he talking about? Why was Chris even here?” Tabitha asked. She crossed her arms and awaited your answer.

You looked to Jesse, a little guilt settling in on your shoulders. “Tabitha...” Your gaze fell to your feet. “I don’t have a boyfriend. I’m sorry, I lied to you.”

“Then why did you say you did?”

You leaned against the booth, avoiding her eyes before going on, “I just wanted you to stop setting me up with a bunch of random creeps. The last one you set me up with collected teeth. Human teeth.” You sighed, running your fingers through your hair. “My point is,” you stepped forward and rested your hand on your sister’s shoulder, “I’m capable of finding somebody for myself.”

Tabitha appeared to have a moment of realization before frowning. “Oh, Y/n, I’m so sorry. I was just so excited to see you find someone you loved, yknow? I just wanted to help.”

“Well, I appreciate the effort,” you replied.

She shrugged. “Just doing what I think is best for my baby sister.”

“Aww,” Jesse smiled, “this is cute. C’mon, now hug it out.”

You hugged your sister tightly, a little smile forming on your lips. It dropped when you remembered what a jerk Jesse had been all night despite standing up for you. Pulling away from your sister, you turned to Jesse. “You’re off the hook, Jess. Thank you for doing this,” you said a little flatly.

“Actually, I was hoping I could talk to you for a minute alone.”

You looked to Tabitha, who smiled and shrugged. “Go on. I’ll order a coffee or something.”

You followed Jesse to the empty dressing room that the band playing that night wasn’t using.

“So, about what Tabitha said—“ Jesse turned to you from the door.

“I know, I know. I didn’t think she would bring that up,” you explained, “and I know it’s stupid and you’re still with Rebecca. That’s why I didn’t want to call you in the first place and I—“

“Hey, take a breath.” He stepped toward you, putting his hands on your shoulders. “First of all, things didn’t work out between me and Becky.” He pursed his lips, allowing the statement to sink in, “Second, when Tabitha said you liked me so much for so long, I wanted to know, how much is ‘so much’ and ‘so long’?”

“Jesse, I—“

“I’m only asking because,” he looked at the floor for a second, then turned his eyes to you, “well, because I meant it when I said I liked you a lot.”

Your eyes widened. “Really?”

“Really.” Oh god, he started using that gentle tone you always loved so much. “I always wanted to ask you out, but I couldn’t ever get the guts to do it.”

Your smiled brightly at this.

He laced his fingers with yours, albeit a little hesitant.

“To answer your question,” you spoke softly, giving his hand a gentle squeeze, “‘so long’ would have to be from the moment I met you, to now. And ‘so much’ would be far, far more than I could ever put into words.”

Jesse considered that. “Well, that’s a lot.”

“Yeah.” You laughed softly.

There was only a brief moment of hesitation before you were suddenly kissing Jesse, arms linked around his neck with his hands on your waist. You were somewhat in disbelief of this moment. The idea had crossed your mind once or twice, but you never thought it would ever happen.

Before you knew it, Jesse was pulling away from you, a hand going to your cheek and a smile curling one corner of his mouth. He stole another brief kiss. When he broke away from you again, you pursed your lips and tried to hold back an elated grin, though you failed miserably.

“You got the guts yet?” you asked, tracing circles on his chest.

“Sure.” He laughed softly. “What do you say you and I go on a real date tomorrow? No sister Cupid, no drunk ex boyfriends, just you and me.”

You nodded. “I’d like that.”

“I’ll pick you up at 6. We can go to dinner and a movie or something.”

“Perfect.”

***

You closed the front door of your apartment after watching Jesse ride off on his motorcycle, a bright smile plastered on your face. After the sound of the bike had faded into the distance, you leaned against the door, savoring the warm fuzzies in your chest and stomach and the faint memory of his lips on yours. You ran your fingers through your hair, a little messy from the bike ride home. You sat on the couch with your legs tucked under yourself. Draping your jacket over the arm of the chair, you turned on the TV, but hardly paid attention. Your mind was still running back through the evening, and you couldn’t help but smile when you realized you just went on a date with the man of your dreams.

Dang, you had it good.

#jesse katsopolis #jesse katsopolis x reader #john stamos #full house #reader insert #full house fanfiction

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ethanalter · 6 years

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'The X-Files' postmortem: 'Plus One' director Kevin Hooks talks bringing sexy back to the show

David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson in ‘The X-Files’ (Photo: Shane Harvey/Fox)

Warning: This post contains spoilers for the “Plus One” episode of The X-Files.

Phew — is it hot in here or is it just us? This week’s Chris Carter-penned X-Files installment, “Plus One,” was one of the steamiest in the show’s history… even though Fox Mulder and Dana Scully (David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson) didn’t do anything more on camera than cuddle. In the midst of an investigation into a strange case of murderous doppelgängers, the paranormal investigators provide an overdue update on their complicated romantic status by sharing an intimate night together in their hotel room. Initially occupying separate beds, an emotionally troubled Scully approaches Mulder with a request: “Can you hold me?”

Once in bed, the duo — who, let’s not forget, have a child together (or do they?) — engage in some sweetly emotional pillow talk about taking care of each other in their old age and the unlikely chances of spawning another rugrat. As Scully turns to face Mulder with a smile on her face, the camera pans subtly away to the left. When we cut back to the room later on, there’s obvious evidence that they’ve gotten hot and heavy beneath the sheets, from his rumpled tank top to her bare shoulders. It’s quite possibly the closest that The X-Files has gotten to a sex scene in 11 seasons — or, at least, close enough to make us want to rechristen the series as The Sexy Files.

“The Sexy Files! That’s pretty funny,” says the hour’s director, Kevin Hooks, with a good-natured chuckle. A former child actor turned veteran director — his past episodic credits include everything from St. Elsewhere and China Beach to Prison Break and Lost — Hooks says he was excited to learn that his first X-Files episode would be such a momentous one for the main characters. “That scene is obviously huge, and when I read the script I was really excited about it. It’s something that X-Files fans have been looking forward to for some time.”

Hooks filled us in on how he brought the sexy back to The X-Files and how he accomplished the difficult task of making a simple game of Hangman seem like the scariest thing ever.

Yahoo Entertainment: David and Gillian obviously have a long history together that they drew on for the more intimate moments in this episode. How did you see your role as the first-time director coming into that relationship? Kevin Hooks: The biggest challenge in doing a show that has the long history that The X-Files has is to gain the trust of the cast, as well as the crew. That’s something that I really tried to invest a lot of thought and energy into, knowing we were going to get to a place of intimacy that hadn’t been explored on the show in a while. Because David and Gillian are so close and so invested in these characters, they brought a lot to it that I couldn’t even have anticipated. They did a lot of work with Chris in terms of how to handle the passage of time and the ages of the characters. I just wanted to impress upon them the trust that I felt in them and that hopefully it would be reciprocated, which I think it was. I wanted to say my piece and get out of the way, because what they brought was going to be rich, and I wanted to make sure they felt comfortable enough to offer that.

The pillow talk sequence is the centerpiece of the episode, and you allow it to unfold in a very relaxed, almost languid way. It’s increasingly rare to see that kind of pacing on network television. How long did the scene take to shoot? We shot most of the hotel material in one or two days. What was paramount for me was to make sure that the scene played as honestly and earnestly as it possibly could. I didn’t want to rush the actors through takes; it was important to let that scene breathe, and I felt it worked well. In an episode that really does have a [fast] pace to it, that scene needed to breathe to be authentic.

As intimate as it is, we never do see Mulder and Scully kiss. Were there versions of the scene where things got more physical? Everybody was in agreement that we didn’t want to sell any body language that would indicate where it was going. The reveal was in the time cut when Mulder gets up to go to the bathroom, and you see bare shoulders. That’s when you realize that something has changed — that they’ve probably gone to another level, to use a euphemism. [Laughs] So we took great care with the body language to ensure that we didn’t ruin that reveal for the audience.

It’s not unlike the way Hollywood films functioned during the Production Code days — you had to hint at things rather than be explicit. Well, that’s the irony of the structure of that sequence, because we were restricted from what we could show for different reasons. We did it to serve the story as opposed to being dictated to by Standards and Practices.

Some lines in that sequence — like Mulder’s comment about Scully having plenty of “scoot in her boot” — sound improvised. Did the actors have leeway to play around that way? As much as Chris wanted to make sure that we got the scripted dialogue, he also trusts David and Gillian to try different things. I don’t remember if “scoot in your boot” was scripted or if it was David, but there’s some improv in there that works really well. When you’ve lived with characters for as long as they have, it becomes instinctive and just adds to the spontaneity of it all.

Anderson and Karin Konoval in ‘The X-Files’ (Photo: Shane Harvey/Fox)

Let’s talk about the other major hurdle you faced in the episode: making a game of Hangman seem frightening, not goofy. How did you approach those particular scenes visually? [Laughs] I knew there were going to be a ton of inserts, but I wanted to make sure that we didn’t rely entirely on them. I always think that camera movement creates drama, so I tried to get some push-ins and camera movements around that material. We also talked a little bit about jump-cutting in the editing patterns. Karin Konoval plays multiple characters in the episode, and one thing we talked a lot about was what grade of lead we’d use in the pencils. I wanted to feel the texture of what was being written on those pages, and Karin decided that she was going to make one of her characters left-handed and the other one right-handed. It was a wonderful idea that worked well with what the whole Hangman game was supposed to be in the episode.

I’ve always liked the conceit of doppelgängers as boogeymen. Did you enjoy playing around with that notion behind the camera? Chris and I talked a lot about designing shots that put characters in the same frame, whether it’s the young man in the car in the beginning of the episode or the fight Mulder has with his doppelgänger. We really wanted to give the audience visuals that felt a little bit more original and a little bit more fun than some of the other stuff where he had to rely on cuts. Putting both characters in the same frame was a wonderful exercise in the doppelgänger of it all.

The last shot of the episode — where Scully opens the adjoining door to their hotel rooms and finds Mulder waiting — is very playfully intimate as well. You can imagine where the scene goes next, even though we don’t see it. It’s very true. This sort of goes to what I was saying about relationships that exist well beyond a director coming in to do one episode in Season 11. There’s a foundation there that they’ve been working from and building on for years, and I just wanted to help bring it out. It was a lot of fun; watching them work together was amazing.

Were you a Mulder and Scully ‘shipper back in the day during the show’s original run? Working as a director and producer in television, you don’t get a chance to watch a lot of the shows being done. And that was before binge-watching! So I can’t say that I was avid a fan as many, but I certainly followed the show and aspired to be part of it. When I first talked to Chris Carter about doing [this episode], I told him that wherever I worked previously in the business, it was almost like “Six Degrees of X-Files.” I always met someone who had worked on the show, and thought they had worked with me on it! [Laughs] Finally, I was able to actually do the show and share the mystique of The X-Files.

yahoo

The X-Files airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. on Fox.

Read more from Yahoo Entertainment:

Betty White and Bare-Chested Hunks: A Birthday Tribute

Review: The Versace ‘American Crime Story’ is a chilling thriller

Helen Mirren wants in again on ‘Fast and Furious’ — but driving this time is ‘essential’

#_author_id:195cbeb0-638b-11e4-b5fc-5a3a8a9452d9 #The X Files #david duchovny #gillian anderson #fox #chris carter #kevin hooks #news #interviews #_uuid:8787b4aa-e78d-3131-807d-56c7211ea2f2 #_draft:true

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theflyindutchwoman · 8 months

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You're a good influence. You're gonna make a really great dad one of these days. I'm gonna have to if you keep losing our kids everywhere you go.

| ANATOMY OF A SCENE - CHENFORD EDITION 5.17 - The Enemy Within

The fact that Lucy couldn't wait to tell Tim how much she appreciated what he did for Jordy and his dad while, in the meantime, he was reflecting on how much she brought out the best in him is just so endearing. These two and their unwavering support for each other...

Tim acknowledging Lucy's role in his growth - and telling her this - is really important too. She is such a kind-hearted person and unfortunately, that quality is sometimes used as a weapon against her, when truthfully, it is a testament to her strength that she remains this empathetic after everything she went through. Something that Tim recognises. Hence him calling it her 'superpower'. And he's right : she has been an incredible influence. She has challenged him from the start, helped him grow and see things from a different perspective. But the thing is, Tim isn't the only person she has tried to influence. That's what makes this moment even more crucial : his gratitude is in complete contrast to Chris's reaction when Lucy was dating him. She was trying to inspire him to be more understanding. She knew that as an ADA, he had the power to make a real change and wanted to show him how by giving him 'homework' as he called it. Only, her efforts were met with a certain dose of condescension, as his choice of word illustrates, to the point where she basically gave up because it wasn't worth the effort. Even Tim has been guilty of dismissing or scoffing at her compassionate disposition at times. In his case though, it was mostly due to the nature of their job, where he needed her to be more suspicious, and in the end, he still paid attention to what she was saying. That's why she never stopped challenging him. Even so, it is touching to have Tim verbally acknowledge this to Lucy, especially now that they're in a relationship… and the look in her eyes just conveys how much this means to her.

Lucy immediately returns his compliment with one of her own… She goes straight to the heart, by telling Tim that he would make a great father. One of these days. As in the near future. This is such a sweet sentiment, in light of his past. Their following banter is so irreverent… and yet, you can feel that they're completely serious. The casual way these two keep mentioning their kids, as if it is an inevitability, is mind blowing. There's a certain irony that so far, they're the only couple who have actually mentioned kids before being pregnant. Or even before they started dating for that matter. It's a conversation they've been having for a while and it progressed along their relationship. It was at first a mere curiosity, with Lucy venting to Tim about the appointment her mother made for her at the fertility clinic and asking him if he ever thought about having kids himself. Also, let that sink in : she was talking about the possibility of freezing her eggs to her superior officer… While Tim's dreams of ever becoming a father were growing more and more distant, Lucy, on the other hand, was taking steps in ensuring her future by going forward with the procedure. And since their second date, they've joked about grandchildren, coached together Tyler's Little League team… Even Tamara has chimed in on the topic. So here they are now. Joking again about their future kids. Plural. Several times. It's how they simply consider this a fact and none of them is batting an eye over it. That's how strongly they have faith and are secure in their relationship that they can envision themselves as parents and talk about it so freely. It's not even that they're actively planning on getting pregnant. It's about both being all-in and reveling in that knowledge. His grin after teasing her is perfect. He still loves riling her up - just like she does. And you know she wanted to affectionately push him. They're flirting in the bullpen, in front of everyone (including Grey), glowing and basking in each other's presence… This scene truly brings home how these two have managed to shift their relationship without losing their dynamic. That's what makes them perfect for each other.

#the rookie #chenford #chenfordedit #lucy chen #tim bradford #5.17 #Anatomy of a scene - Chenford Edition

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sergeant-angels-trashcan · 6 years

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YEAH ALL RIGHT KIDS I’M IN MY JAMMIES LET’S TALK ABOUT INFINITY WAR

i want to start by informing you that re: T’Challa, I just have John Mulaney’s voice in the back of my head going “that is some racist-ass bullshit”

ALSO

What happened to Shuri?????? DID SHURI MAKE IT STOP SHOWING ME THE GODDAMN PURPLE GRAPE!!! DID???? SHURI???? MAKE IT????

and honestly the opening shot being of our One True Bae, Heimdall, dying?? they literally lost me in that moment. that exact moment i was just like nope. EDIT: also, I honestly thought that entire opening scene was a Loki Illusion for...the majority of it. Like, honestly and truly, I thought Loki was going to say something Petty and then the illusion would fade away and Thor and Heimdall would have been light years away.

The whole opening scene, carried by the stellar acting of Hiddleston and Hemsworth and Elba--god. My emotional brain hates it but my objective brain is very impressed because above all else in this movie, I think you were really primed to root for Thor’s journey.

(i feel like i need to stop myself here because I’m not inclined to address Loki’s death, which was horrifying and emotionally draining, because there was so. much. death. happening in this movie, that it started to feel meaningless. Like they stuck a bunch of action figures in a bag and whoever got pulled out died. I wish I could honestly say I believed that the point the Russos were trying to drive home was “death comes for us all with no reason and also please understand the scale of genocide and what that means” but really it just feels like they went “who can we kill off that people will care about but NOT piss them off so badly they won’t come to the next one?”)

Literally fuck thanos dude I don't care how SAD you are after killing a bunch of people, fuck OFF, I got really tired of seeing Dramatic Tears trailing down his cheeks like. russos. i don’t give a shit. stop trying to make thanos seem...human or sympathetic, he’s a stupid fucking grape. we thought you’d say that, you stupid fucking grape.

this was something that kept irritating me, honestly. I thought the shot of Thanos’ face while Gamora was falling was wholly unnecessary. It made the impact of her death about him, and not about the fact that Gamora was dying and that she had people who genuinely love her in a HEALTHY way who her death would impact (also? the scene where Quill is going to kill her? oh my fucking god. my god, that scene WRECKED me, the Guardians were simultaneously some of the funniest and most lighthearted parts of the film and also the most emotionally devastating.)

Also, I literally said “what the fuck” out loud when I saw red skull. I was also not alone in the theatre. so. there’s that. (and, still: what the fuck?)

Peter Dinklage??? In vaguely medieval roles what's up with that, dude?? I don’t remember the name of Thor’s axe but when he said it I just had weird GoT flashbacks.

Stephen Strange unironically calling Tony stark a douchebag. Just like. I enjoyed their opening interactions. I enjoyed the fact that Wong and Strange live in the Sanctum together, and that Stephen is the one who has to put on Regular Clothes to go get dinner. Against my will, I like Stephen Strange. BUT STEPHEN STRANGE CALLING TONY A DOUCHEBAG OHOHO THE IRONY

sidebar: Where was Brunnhilde? And Korg??????

Every moment with the guardians in it was the Best Moment. Peter and Peter need to watch movies together. Peter Parker saving Mantis was lovely. Bug-kind to bug-kind

Peter Parker my child why. Why. (Again, this is where the great acting made an impact. Tom Holland is a Delight but also he can really get serious? he was the only character who really got to be afraid of what was happening as he died and that was so impactful)

"It'll kill you" "only if I die" "...yes that's how it works...." basically everything about Thor. His talk with Rocket. “what else do I have to lose?” that meant something. maybe that’s what was wrong with all the deaths? Thor is the only person that we get to see REACT, to move past the initial stage of shock to the reality of him being alone in the universe. Chris Hemsworth did a fantastic job. but also the fact that those two moments happened fairly close together. at times, this movie had a nice balance to it.

Strange saw all the outcomes so he knew how to win like??? he literally said “this is the endgame”. As the only one who could, at the time, see the future, this makes him the most powerful person in this situation. i am not worried at all for the next movie, which is maybe why i’m so grumpy about this one.

ALSO ALSO why...did we not...just Try to cut Thanos’ fucking arm off like this seems like a simple and workable solution. is there some reason this wouldn’t have worked...?

groot. and POOR FUCKING ROCKET CAN WE STOP TAKING HIS TREE??? THANKS

“I am Groot” “I am Steve Rogers” yes thanks I’ll take five

Rocket and Bucky which was everything we all thought it would be

just in general, Rocket. Character growth from a raccoon! Or a rabbit, depending on who you are asking

And we didn’t really get to see Nebula’s character growth, but I feel like everything we saw was believable. It was a believable trajectory and I love what we got to see of her and Gamora.

overall i think i honestly...feel kind of meh about it. there were genuinely funny parts, parts that were emotionally gripping, but I also feel like there was a LOT of loss happening, and it didn’t get time to breathe so it made an impact, specifically with Bucky and Sam. Rhodey looking for Sam could have been even more heartbreaking. Also, Chris Evan can Act. He can do Deep Emotional acting, not just actiony stunt stuff. I’m pretty disappointed we didn’t get like. Two minutes more of this shit sinking in, but maybe it wouldn’t have helped. I think what’s most upsetting is that these incredible characters technically died, but they were all wiped away so quickly, and the last shot of the movie was of fucking Thanos, that it kind of feels disrespectful. Is it masochistic of me? I don’t give a shit about Thanos living his Best Life in a hut somewhere. I want to see Okoye rushing around to try and find Shuri because someone has to tell her that her brother is gone, I want M’Baku there telling Shuri she will always be safe, and M’Baku stepping in to lead Wakanda. I want Clint, frantically calling Natasha to see if she’s still alive, Natasha freaking out are the kids safe???, I honestly WANT TO SEE STEVE CRY BECAUSE HE JUST LOST SAM AND BUCKY, THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE TO HIM IN THE WORLD, BECAUSE IT’S OKAY FOR MEN TO CRY, I want to see the IMPACT, all that time you WASTED showing me THANOS CRYING and you could have given that time to characters that actually matter? don’t come at me with that shit, Russos.

oh, also, I’d be remiss if I didn’t say: THADDEUS ROSS GET FUCKED

#infinity war spoilers #infinity war #my stuff #i gots feelings #up next: au ideas #honestly i didn't hate it as much as i thought i would #thanks phoenixyfriend for sort of mentally prepping me #by telling me to go in with my comics brain #i just #there were some really strong moments #i just think that there were some questionable editing choices and i feel like that's saying something #when your movie is over two hours long #if the toms and the chrises hadn't pulled out some serious acting chops i would have more issues #but like have you seen snowpiercer??#let chris evans cry okay? he's a really good actor LET HIM ACT #phew i feel better

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skold · 7 years

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this post is Marina’s List Of Favorite and/or Iconic Music Videos

this could also be subtitled as: if you truly want to understand me as a person, watch these videos because it’ll answer a lot of questions

it’s gonna be a long one so i’ll pop it under a cut

alright we goin by artist then chronological

AIDEN

knife blood nightmare - this is iconic for me simply bc i rly wanted to look like wil in this video so bad in 6th grade.

die romantic - WHAT A BOP. i used to do my black eyeshadow like wil in this video too lmao

ALL TIME LOW

poppin champagne - because blonde alex and also?? honestly?? what a wild video. this is truly late 00s oversaturated pop punk at its finest

i feel like dancin - i’m not the biggest fan of this record or even this song in general but this is like, quintessential all time low to me video-wise. like. it’s everything i want from an all time low video.

ARCHITECTS

follow the water - or as sam carter says, follow the wah-uh. first of all i love that this is in a church. second of all when will i get to go to an architects show this lit here in the states

heartburn - bc they all look pretty. ok. aesthetically on point as well.

AVENGED SEVENFOLD

beast and the harlot - i don’t always bop this song but when i do, the whole cul de sac does too. no but really this was so influential to middle school me i wanted nothing more than a boyfriend who looked like zacky or jimmy and whatever eyeshadows zacky was wearing in this clip

BLINK 182

i miss you - the video that inspired this post. THE AESTHETIQUE. 20′s inspired romantigoth film noir. i don’t yell about this music video enough.

BRING ME THE HORIZON

chelsea smile - it’s literally just a house part video but the song literally defines the year 2009 for me. emetophobia warning at 1:08

it never ends - this video got mad shit but i love it. pretty heavy gore throughout this video

alligator blood - CREEPY ASS AESTHETIC SHIT!!!! i live for it. 16 y/o me had it so bad for matt nicholls and him getting tied up and violated was like, god tier for me

visions - more creepy aesthetic shit. the videos on there is a hell were underrated

THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA

hey john what’s your name again? - i gotta throw this one in just bc this hurls my ass right back to the year 2008. that bible imagery. those haircuts. it was a better time for music

html rules d00d - THIS SONG STILL SLAPS LMAO DON’T READ ME

ELISSA FRANCESCHI

salt - i’m not crying you’re crying!!! how did anne and christian franceschi manage to spawn two flawless and talented siblings!!!!!!

EVERY TIME I DIE

ebolarama - it’s a performance video in a roller rink what more could you want

wanderlust - you’ve probably caught on to the fact that i love creepy aesthetic shit.

decayin with the boys - THIS VIDEO HAS ME HOWLING. there are too many good moments to list here but the personal highlight is the dude admiring the lesbians making out, then he turns and admires they gays making out at about the 1:30 mark. also the jenga dream sequence. there’s a dick in this video, just a heads up. and a whole bootyass. i love andy williams. mild emetophobia tw at 2:30

FOXY SHAZAM

a dangerous man - eric nally’s screeching was the soundtrack of 2008

i like it - the chorus of this song is literally just “that’s the biggest black ass i’ve ever seen and i like it” and i have nothing more to say

holy touch - it’s a performance video but it’s. different. i really don’t wanna ruin this by saying too much about it. that’s just kinda how foxy shazam were. this song is a fucking banger. yes, they did have a trumpet player in the official lineup.

FRNKIERO ANDTHE CELLABRATION

joyriding - another performance video that’s. different. lmao. aesthetically perfect

GOOD CHARLOTTE

lifestyles of the rich and famous - the proletariat banger we weren’t ready for in 2002, but we’re ready now.

girls and boys - old people being punk rock. that’s all.

predictable - i SPECIFICALLY remember watching this on the good charlotte website the day this dropped. THE EARLY 2000S BAD CG IS REAL. i was literally ten years old but i somehow Felt every word of that spoken bridge, man. WHEN THE LITTLE GIRL GIVES JOEL THE ROSE AND IT TURNS BLACK i deadass thought that was so fucking dope y’all

i just wanna live - ignoring the irony of joel whining about being famous, this video had THE MEMES.

GREEN DAY

longview - iconic simply by virtue of being their first video.

when i come around - ask me about my favorite songs of All Time and i’ll probably mention this one. it’s still great nowadays. i love all the shots of berkeley.

brain stew/jaded - this is such a great piece of art lmao the fucking. sludgy feeling of brain stew going into the chaos of jaded is great on the record, but even better in video form going from being stoned in sepia to tripping acid in an oversaturated cluttered space

walking contradiction - comedy gold

hitchin a ride - creepy weirdness and an iconic bassline. also mike dirnt looks fine as hell in this video

minority - i’m running out of ways to explain that a video is iconic to me purely bc of how important the song was to me at a given time lmao.

american idiot - is there anything i can truly say about this video? it was perfect in 2004, it’s perfect in 2017. uncomfortably relevant. epilepsy warning for strobe lighting effects in the second half

holiday - technically this was released before blvd, but since it chronologically precedes blvd in the story, i’m putting it first. this is like 90% here for the bridge section y’all. fucking iconic. i wore a fedora on the first day of sixth grade bc tre cool wore one in this video. not my proudest fashion moment. emetophobia warning at 1:56 but them playing EVERY character in the bar scene is perfection

boulevard of broken dreams - ah yes, 2005′s most overplayed song. i could not escape this song. every time the intro started everyone would just look at me bc i was The Green Day Chick. this video is aesthetically perfect though. shout out to mike dirnt’s jawline in profile

HOZIER

work song - first of all, this song makes me cry. second of all, the video is dreamy as fuck. it gives me irl chills. i love the choreography so much. the whole vibe is very modern southern gothic. and it’s incredibly intimate feeling without being... sexual or vulgar, i guess.

IN THIS MOMENT

adrenalize - first of all i’m gay. second of all i’m gay. this video is decidedly nsfw

whore - aesthetically pleasing. chris motionless being subby is the real highlight here

sick like me - again, it’s here for the aesthetic.

big bad wolf - also aesthetic but THIS MAKEUP LOOK. maria’s makeup look in this video is actually literally my aesthetic goal. epilepsy warning for strobe light effects

sex metal barbie - say it with me: aesthetic. i also love this one bc the lyrics are largely lifted from people talking shit about maria on the internet, shaming her for being a woman with sexuality and agency, so fuck yes i support it. mild body horror warning for this one

JOHN 5

making monsters - john’s videos are mostly performance based but this one is so cute lmao. where do i cop a j5 action figure

LADY GAGA

paparazzi - i’m only including the RLY vital gaga videos here and the full version of paparazzi is her best work imo......

bad romance - .......but bad romance is a close second.

telephone - i can’t not include this one though. the collab of the decade.

LINKIN PARK

one step closer - i think this was the first linkin park video i saw Back In The Day......... it was 2 heavy 4 baby me at the time lmao but nowadays it’s one of my fave lp songs. the video is super corny let’s be real but it was 2000

numb - this song is so fucking emo but i love it. the video is like peak emo too. i swear the main girl in this video was like my fashion icon at the time. layered tank tops, ripped loose jeans, oversized hoodies and jackets. i wanted her hair so bad lmao

what i’ve done - this video is really visually solid. i thought this was like the Deepest Shit in middle school lmao

MARILYN MANSON

sweet dreams (are made of this) - THE CINNAMON TOPOGRAPHY!!! god i have no complaints about this video except that twiggy is in it. visual fx?? dope. wardrobe?? dope. location?? dope. manson in the wedding dress?? dope. unsanitary warning for the later half of the video bc manson gets pooped on by birds lmao

tourniquet - one of my fave vocal performances by manson tbh. i prefer this one of the two videos floria did w/ manson.

long hard road out of hell - femme manson and religious imagery need i elaborate

the dope show - the first manson video i ever saw. i was... so creeped out lmao. LOOKS ON LOOKS ON LOOKS. john 5 lookin like a snack in this one

i don’t like the drugs (but the drugs like me) - this is probably the most heavy-handed manson has ever been with the christ allegory lmao and yet......... i love it. also shout out to manson and rose’s dogs bug and uncle fester for guest starring. body horror tw here

coma white - basically a flawless music video i have nothing to say here that isn’t already said by the video itself

disposable teens - everybody looks great in this one except twiggy fuck twiggy. i actually love the mtv version of this video too, which is all performance, but i can’t seem to find it rn??

the fight song - one of my fave manson looks. those boooooots tho. the gloooovessssss. i’m gross let me live

tainted love - sorry to send y’all to vimeo for this one but i couldn’t find one on youtube that didn’t look like it was filmed with a potato or watermarked. y’all slept on the genius of this video tbh

mobscene - hello it is me gaogfucker666.

this is the new shit - still me, gaogfucker666. this video feels misinterpreted too honestly

(s)AINT (director’s cut) - specifically the director’s cut bc more tim skold in a dress and boots smoking a cigarette. this video is seriously fucking nsfw. needles, drugs, sexual content, vomit etc watch with caution pls

personal jesus - i love this glam rock look so much. tim looks so good in this he never wore the look again bc he knew he looked so good we could never handle it a second time.

putting holes in happiness - I CAN’T FIND the extended version with tim’s full solo and i wanna scream. but. here’s the official version

say10 (short) - i really fucking wish he’d compounded off this for the official say10 video, beheaded orange man or not. just the verse. it’s so good. moody and creepy and AHHH.

we know where you fucking live - heed the warning at the beginning lmao. i honestly loved this video. i know some people thought it was edgy but i rly rly don’t see that. it’s offensive and obscene yeah but it doesn’t have that edgelord feel, as much as i love to call him an edgelord.

MOTIONLESS IN WHITE

reincarnate - old school horror vibes!!! as a Humble Fetishist of Boots and Gloves, this is a great video. also this is one of those songs where i Feel the lyrics for real

eternally yours - THE COLORS!!! THE FUCKIN IN A COFFIN!!!! i have nothing more to say

MOTLEY CRUE

looks that kill - please watch this corny ass fuckin 1983 ass hair metal ass music video. please. i’m tryna add more shout at the devil era nikki sixx vibes to my wardrobe tbh

wild side - i love a late 80s arena performance video ok also where do i cop nikki’s shirt

dr. feelgood - i will always credit this as one of the songs that made me want to play bass tbh

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

vampires will never hurt you - too emo to view with the naked eye.

i’m not okay (i promise) - the video that spawned a million high school AUs. god i love this one. even watching without the nostalgia goggles it’s great.

helena - perhaps my favorite music video of all time? if not then top 3. this video still remains my ideal aesthetic 12 years later. HOW I’M TRYNA BE. i just wanna look like an extra in this video, okay.

the ghost of you - time to cry!!!!! emetophobia warning at 0:47

welcome to the black parade - it’s hard for me to talk about these videos bc they’re so universally iconic that to explain why i love them so much would be mostly redundant.

famous last words - see above. this song means the world to me

desolation row - if i had to pick a video other than helena to look like an extra in i’d pick this one. has gerard ever looked this good, before or after this video?? peak.

NINE INCH NAILS

down in it - these are getting linked to vimeo since the official nin account has them all uploaded there in better quality. anyway i love so many of the shots in this video and i love the colors and i love bab trent

head like a hole - SO dated y’all but bab trent leveled up and became baby dread trent.

happiness in slavery - this is seriously graphic. but it’s great. also where’s the extended version that shows trent getting eaten by the weird carnivorous robot

gave up - bABY BRIAN!! infants, y’all. INFANTS.

march of the pigs - it’s a one-take performance video but it’s...... so much more than that. this video hurts me in my hand/glove kink.

closer - this is in the top 3 with helena honestly. it is... a piece of art film before all else. a Must Watch.

burn - another case of a video being important to me because of the song it’s for tbh.

the perfect drug - marc romanek is a GOD. also a piece of art film honestly. just y’all wait till i make my dnd character based on trent in this video lmao

starfuckers, inc - hm, another nin video that trent invited manson to be in. interesting. all memes aside it’s a great video even as much as i hate the use of the “fat = ugly” trope. epilepsy warning for flashing effects in the last part of the video

deep - why. are. y’all. SLEEPING ON THIS!!!!

only - this may have been the first nin video i willingly saw and recognized as nin. this video still holds up, especially with it being 95% cgi and still looking as good as it does.

ROB ZOMBIE

living dead girl - the theme song of my life??? iconic couple costume idea????

meet the creeper - i have to include this video because it’s BAD. it’s terrible and i fucking love it

american witch (live version) - WHEN ROB PICKS UP JOHN AND STARTS SPINNING HIM AROUND!!!! this is here specifically for all the long hair john content

dead city radio and the new gods of supertown - the aesthetic. everybody looks great. matt is in a gorilla suit

well everybody’s fucking in a ufo - highly nsfw. where do i begin with this fucking hot mess...... sheri’s huge fake boobs. john and matt and ginger as astronauts. john jerkin off. the aliens with dicks. the fact that the whole story is about getting gang banged by aliens???? nothing will ever reach this level

SKOLD

self titled promotional clip - epilepsy warning for a lot of flashing and smash cuts. sort of a few partial music videos in one, but there are only two official skold videos, so i gotta include both of them. the quality is garbage. it’s so incredibly 1996. yet i love it. the last song, anything, is pretty nsfw as in there’s actual femdom porn clips but this is why i love it.

better the devil - if there were more skold videos i’d put them here. but as i said there are only two. tim out there lookin like not just a snack but a full course meal in 4k quality. goddamn. the only man i can ever truly call d*ddy. tiffany and eli lookin like delicious side dishes as well.

TAKING BACK SUNDAY

you’re so last summer - flava flave is in it

this photograph is proof - this song makes me so fucking nostalgic............. it transports me right back to eighth grade lmao. tbs were one of my fave bands in middle school.

makedamnsure - the most emo song of all time?? side note regarding tbs: real talk, being fat in middle school, seeing another fat person in a band was so fucking reassuring and great. i love eddie.

liar (it takes one to know one) - these visual effects are SO cool, even now.

YOU ME AT SIX

jealous minds think alike - ART... no but actually look at these literal fetuses. i fucking love this song. it’s probably my fave track on take off your colours.

kiss and tell - you right it’s another house party video BUT. baby josh with an undercut. he must be 18 or barely 19 here??

liquid confidence - WHEN YOU GOT NOTHING TO LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE

stay with me - jkfljkghdfskljgs okay serious time: this song got me through a seriously rough part of my life and i have the title tattooed on me partially because of the video.

loverboy - i have never seen a fandom in such utter chaos as the ymas fandom was on the day this video dropped. holy fucking shit. the THIRST was REAL.

bite my tongue - peak ymas captured in one music video. that’s truly the most important part. that peak sns era ymas was preserved forever in this video.

lived a lie - is it bad if i still kinda want a “we are believers” tattoo lmao. i really....... love this song a lot. is it obvious by now that ymas love a big chorus lmao

give - this song gives me The Feels. it deserved better than a performance video in an empty arena but it’s all we got, so here it is.

#well this took for fucking ever #and will probably get no notes bc it's a personal post #which is fine but #i hope y'all appreciated my commentary anyway lmao #do not lose #i will likely update this as my faves continue to release gr8 videos

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reivenesque · 7 years

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Two Halves of a Perfect Whole [Chriseva/Post 4.10/Future fic]

Dedicated to @giishere, the lovely anon who requested the fic and whose idea coincided with mine and the millions and millions of the still hurt, but nowadays mostly bitter Chriseva fans who will never find canon peace for our favourite characters and our favourite OTP.

A/N - Sorry it took so long. It was supposed to be about 1k of fluff but it ended up being more like 7.6k and got kind of bittersweet and plotty by the end.

Eva went to Sana’s Eid party with Chris but they left separately. It wasn’t really a surprising turn of events; deep down it was a scenario Eva was kind of expecting even if she herself hadn’t realized it at the time. She knew it was going to happen eventually and she thought being proven right would give her a sense of validation, but instead she was just left with a strange feeling deep inside her gut that she couldn’t explain. It couldn’t have anything to do with Chris, could it?

Instead, she found herself walking home that night with Jonas. The bitter part of Eva nearly laughed at the irony, but the present Eva was still lost in the euphoria of everything.

She’d been proven right by Chris that he was still a fuckboy and he was obviously not ready to settle down with her or anyone at that point in time. She laughed then and she’s still laughing a little on the inside, but deep down, strange feelings were lingering in the corner of her spirit like an itch that just wouldn’t go away, and a sense of hurt that she never wanted to experience again. Mostly she was disappointed that she put herself in that position again.

She feels Jonas’s warm hands slip into hers and she turns just in time to see his smiling face gazing down at her. His face is still so comforting in a familiar way and this whole scene is just dripping with bittersweet nostalgia that Eva nearly choked on it.

Jonas moves in to kiss her and she reciprocates. His kiss is forceful and wild; she feels herself subconsciously taking a step back because of Jonas’s body pushing up against her, and she has to catch herself when her heel finds the edge of the curb. Jonas has always been vigorous in his kisses with her, almost like he was marking his territory against other males and claiming her with his lips in a way, instead of being present in the moment with her as he should have been. When they were kissing, Jonas was always subconsciously trying to dominate her, pushing her up against the wall and making her take a step back. It was fun when she was younger, when she still didn’t realize her own worth, when she thought Jonas could do much better and that she was lucky he chose her.

It was different with Chris. For a guy who spends most of his free time hooking up and making out with girls, Chris was surprisingly gentle with his kisses and respectful with his whole body language. Eva never felt dominated when she was kissing Chris. It was never anything that happened consciously but Eva always felt in control when they were together, whether it involved them kissing or having sex. No matter how passionate their kissing moments would be, the second Eva even showed a hint of hesitation or physically pulled back, no matter how miniscule the action would be, Chris would stop immediately. His eyes would find hers as if asking ‘is everything okay’ without him actually saying the words.

When she was kissing Chris, Eva always felt like the dominant one which she hadn’t realized until this moment how much she took that feeling for granted.

“You okay?”

She hears Jonas’s question and comes back to the present just in time to see him pull back, taking a step back to just watch her with a half confused, half amused look.

“I’m okay,” she says. “Just thinking.”

“Well, don’t strain yourself,” Jonas says with a laugh, the words flowing out like it comes absolutely naturally to him and in that moment Eva finally really looks at him.

Her eyes study him up and down intently, concentrating on every part of him like she was picking him apart cell by cell under a microscope; his hair has grown, his face has matured but he’s still exactly the same. The same smile, the same laugh and the same condescending comment said like it is just second nature to him. Perhaps it is.

Eva can’t believe it, somehow she’s found herself in the exact same position she started: with Jonas at her side, making snide comments and belittling her intellect and being so completely nonchalant about it.

She almost can’t find the words when she opens her mouth to speak. “Jonas…I—I…”

“What?”

She steels herself and looks him straight in the eye. “I…I can’t. I’m sorry, but I can’t do this again.”

His eyebrows narrow slightly, not so much in anger, more like he’s trying hard to make sense of the situation. His face stripped of all traces of humour that were there just a second ago. “What do you mean? I thought—”

“I—I know what you thought, and I thought it too, but…this is a mistake. I can’t do this again. I just…I just can’t.”

“And you’re telling me this now?” he asks, looking upset and a little angry at the same time, but mostly just confused, probably as confused as Eva feels deep down. “After I let Emma go home with your boyfriend.”

That was the comment that sealed it for Eva; in that moment, she squared her shoulders and took her stand on the ground. “Chris isn’t my boyfriend, but Emma was your girlfriend and you cheated on her with me, just like you cheated on Ingrid with me, just like Chris cheated on Iben with me. Seems like I’m always destined to be the Scarlet Woman no matter what story it is,” she scoffs, more to herself than to anyone else.

“Eva—”

“This was a mistake,” she interrupts quickly. “I’m sorry for leading you on, for being led on by you, but this never should have happened in the first place. I was scared and I ran and somehow I always end up back at the beginning of my tragic story, but not anymore,” she says. “I’m sorry, but it’s over. This…whatever this is—whatever this could be. I can’t put myself in this position again.”

Jonas exhales through his nose, his eyes closed as if in deep thought. “Okay,” he says, and ‘okay’ is the only thing Eva really wanted to hear.

She leaves and she doesn’t look back at Jonas’s form standing under the streetlight watching her receding back disappear in the distance.

Her heart is pounding in her chest but for the first time she finally feels completely free; like whatever spell Jonas had on her is finally truly broken.

Her mom isn’t home so once again she has the whole house completely to herself, but as usual, she finds herself locked away in her room, knees pulled up to her chest on the bed, sulking. Her bed feels strangely empty with just her in it.

The sudden knock at her window is unexpected, and Eva nearly jumps out of her skin when the thumping sound startles her out of her thoughts.

She finds Chris and his grin at the window looking stupidly back at her when she hops off the bed to peek over to see who it is, and Eva isn’t sure if she wants to laugh or punch him out in that moment.

“Evening,” he greets as he slides in with too much stealth and sneakiness than is appropriate for someone coming into a girl's bedroom at night while she’s home alone.

“Evening,” she greets back, walking back over to the bed and taking a seat. “So…”

Chris doesn’t immediately meet her eyes when he enters; he takes his time brushing the dirt off his palms while keeping his back to her, almost like he is as nervous as she is in that moment. “So…”

“How’s Emma?” Eva asks to break the ice and succeeds, because Chris laughs and finally turns to look at her.

“Fine,” he says with a chuckle. “Probably at home sulking,” he adds with a casual shrug. “I dropped her off right after the party and just kind of ended up driving around town by myself.”

“Strange,” Eva says, “that you chose not to go home with your new girlfriend.”

She tries not to make it obvious but she can feel the bitter tone slip out with the words, even though it was completely unintentional.

Chris’ smile drops slightly but doesn’t disappear completely. It was something he did when he knew he’d done something wrong but couldn’t find the words to make an excuse for it. Instead, he walks over to her, his footsteps soundless and Eva scoots over to make room for him to sit down on the edge of the mattress next to her.

There’s an eerie sense of déjà vu about the whole scene in that moment.

“You know, I—I…William was talking about having these moments, like the moment he had when he realized that Noora was the one. I usually don’t listen to him when he gets into his sappy moods like this, but it did get me thinking—don’t worry, I didn’t strain myself—and your name kind of came up in the conversation.”

“Yeah?” she asks, a little surprised.

“Yeah, and uh—I guess…I guess I just got a little confused about everything after that.”

“A state you seem to perpetually be in,” Eva says. It takes her a moment to realize how much she sounded like Jonas in that moment.

Chris didn’t seem to notice, he just chuckled. “That isn’t untrue I guess.”

Eva wants to tell him that it isn’t true at all, but she just keeps silent instead.

“I was just…I guess I was trying to think whether or not we had a moment like that, the two of us, because I couldn’t think of any.”

“Maybe we didn’t have our moment,” Eva says, and she tries not to let the disappointment in her voice be too apparent.

“I was thinking that too, I was also thinking that perhaps we hadn’t had our moment yet,” Chris says, almost like he’d been giving this topic a lot of thought. “But then I realized that we did have our moment, it just happened too long ago that we kind of forgot about it. At least it was a moment for me, I just didn’t realize it at the time.”

That piques Eva’s curiosity and she raises an eyebrow at him.

Chris looks at her with his intent gaze when he speaks again. “That night at the club, when you walked up to me while I was dancing,” he says with a small smile. “I didn’t realize it until just now, especially because everything happened so fast then, what with the mix-up and you storming out and I guess I never gave it too much thought. But I just remembered that the moment I laid eyes on you, my first thought was ‘wow’,” he says with a shit eating grin, “’Damn.’”

Eva tries not to smile at that and instead forces herself to look away.

“I thought you just had that with Miss Kosegruppa Yay this evening,” she says lightheartedly. At least it was meant to be lighthearted. “You looked cute together.”

Chris flicks his tongue out of the corner as he studies Eva intently. He doesn’t look amused though, only pensive. “Nothing happened after that though. I drove her back to her house and she invited me in but…but—I don’t know. You know, looking back on it now, the funny thing is, the only thing I can recall when I think about that moment was how much she reminded me of my grandmother.”

Eva splutters out a laugh before she can stop herself. “Your grandmother?” she asks, an eyebrow raised skeptically. “You say that to all the girls?”

“Not to you,” he says seriously but doesn’t elaborate. “I made a stupid mistake back there. I thought I was mature enough to settle down with just one girl, but maybe deep down I just wasn’t?”

“I made a mistake too,” Eva admits. “I was scared, in a way, of not being able to give you what you wanted because I didn’t know what I wanted. I guess I was just—falling back on old habits.”

“I get that,” Chris says. “I’m like the epitome of old habits die hard.”

“That is true.”

They both laugh at that, but the laughter is easy going despite the topic of conversation. They both lapse into silence as the laughter slowly dies down.

Chris licks his lips once before he speaks again. “My mandatory enlistment ends in a few months and I was actually—uh, I was actually thinking of reenlisting—for real.”

Eva doesn’t know why, but all of a sudden it feels like her heart skipped a beat. There’s no reason for her to feel that way, they aren’t together. Even more than that, whatever might have happened between them was thoroughly extinguished today when he fell for the first pretty face to cross his path and Eva hurtled herself back at Jonas like she tended to do whenever things in her life were becoming too scary and confusing.

“Oh,” she says.

His grin widens when he regards her, leaning back slightly as if taken aback by her disappointed tone. “Why, Miss Eva, are you upset? Are you going to miss me?” he says jokingly, but Eva can see the spark of hope in his eyes when she turns to look at him. He’s masking his real feelings with a joking offhanded comment. It’s a habit he has that she only just now noticed. It seems like they both have their fair share of bad habits that they end up falling back on.

Eva could have said something sarcastic or just laughed it off, but instead she says, “Yes,” and she genuinely means it.

Chris seems like he was expecting her sarcastic comment and her laugh, her genuine confession seems to throw him a little and he adds hesitantly. “I mean…after I enlisted I just felt like—kind of like I finally had a purpose, you know? Like I was drifting around lost this whole time, especially after William fucked off to the British Isles. The whole time I was there though, I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” he admits and this time Eva is the one left gobsmacked. “And then I came back here and still I thought I had everything figured out; that I knew what I wanted, with you and with everything, and then this afternoon happened and just—I guess maybe you were right, maybe I just wasn’t as ready as I thought I was. Maybe I am just a cheating fuck boy.”

It’s the first time Eva’s seen Chris genuinely dejected in the whole time she’s known him, and the sight is rather unnerving.

Eva inhales deeply. “I slept with Jonas,” she said, not allowing her nerves to get the better of her. “It was before the birthday party when I didn’t know whether you were coming or not. I mean—it’s not an excuse or anything like that—we weren’t together, aren’t together and I just lost my head at that moment, and I guess I kind of just…regressed, in a way. Jonas was always easy; he’s a huge asshole, but somehow he’s consistent in his assholery, I guess. If that even makes sense. What happened with you was…I guess it just kind of threw me and I got scared, especially this afternoon at the party, cause I saw you with Emma and I kind of wanted to feel—maybe validation in a way, that I was right this whole time. But I wasn’t, not really, at least not about you. Maybe what happened was because I pushed you to her in the first place.”

“I’m not that easily pushed away though,” he says with a grin, and Eva is glad to see some of the familiar humour returning to his eyes. “As you’ve found out, especially when it’s something I really want.” He bites his lip a little as he musters up what he wanted to say. “And I really wanted you, Eva…or maybe I do want you, but—I guess I just don’t really know exactly what I want right now. I don’t want to be the guy who makes promises he can’t keep, and me as I am right now, I feel like I’m still that person.”

“If you are that person, then I am too,” Eva says. “I’m just…I’m just very confused right now. Not so much about you, but just about me and about what I want and what I need and I feel like until I can figure it out, I don’t think I can really be anyone’s girlfriend and commit to it wholeheartedly. I’ve never really taken any time to just be Eva, you know?”

Chris has a small bittersweet smile on his face when he answers. “I do, more than you think. I feel like I’m still trying to find myself too.”

They both lapse into silence immediately after that, looking at everything and everywhere besides each other; heads bowed low and elbows rested on their knees in mirroring positions. They stay like that for a long while before Chris finally breaks the monotony.

“When…one day maybe, when you’ve finally found Eva and I’ve finally found Chris, maybe—um, maybe we can introduce them to each other then?”

Eva smiles, the first genuine smile she’s had on her face the whole day. “I’d like that a lot.”

“Great,” Chris says.

“August the twenty-fifth,” Eva says suddenly. Chris makes an inquiring noise in the back of his throat encouraging her to continue. “The first time we met,” she says, “In the club that night. It was August the twenty-fifth.”

“You remembered?”

Eva bites the corner of her lip before she answers seriously. “I never forgot.”

Chris’s smile is beaming.

“I was thinking,” he says, wringing his hands in front of him. “My basic training is going to be at least a few more years once I enlist, but I’ll probably get some days off. So I was thinking that maybe we could meet up? Maybe like—set a date, for when we’re free to meet; when you’re free and I’m free and maybe if we’re both still single. We can just show up and see what happens. But like—if the other person isn’t single anymore, they just have to…not show up, and the other person will know that it’s time to move on and that this—“ he motions to the air between them, “—whatever this was, was just not meant to be.”

“Sounds like it would either be a really good idea or a really painful one,” Eva says. “But I like it.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. I actually do,” Eva says. “August the twenty-fifth; that’s the date,” she adds, “At the same club, at the same time on the dot. And I have one condition.” That last bit she tacks on with a cheeky grin. “You have to wear the same dumb fedora as that first time we met—every time.”

Chris laughs a boisterous laugh when she finishes. “Okay,” he agrees through the dampness of his eyes from the laughter. “But I have a condition too: if I have to wear the fedora, you have to wear that outfit; the same one you wore that night. The mini skirt with that top.”

This time it’s Eva who bursts into laughter. “Sure, you get the easy thing. What if I don’t fit that outfit anymore years down the line?”

“Hey, you’re the one who made the rules,” he says nonchalantly with a cheeky grin. “You better follow it then. Also, the same make-up too.”

“Fine,” she says, putting far too much emphasis on the f in the word. “You’re an asshole.”

“I know,” he says simply.

“When are you leaving? Or, when do you start your basic training?”

“Not for a few months; I’ll probably still be around by this August.”

“Okay,” Eva says.

The silence returns but it’s more comforting than stilted, before Chris gets to his feet. “I should go. I promised to meet William at McDonalds in an hour.”

Eva just nods and gets to her feet as well, walking him back towards the window he’d entered from.

“Well, Eva, it’s been fun…unless you want to have a bit more fun before I leave?”

“Piss off,” she says, but she’s smiling when she smacks him on the arm.

“Say hi to your mom for me.”

“Piss off!” she smacks him harder this time. “You are incorrigible.”

“Hey, parents love me, okay?”

“Shut up and go away.”

He has one foot on the edge of the chair to heave himself up when he turns to her again. “Well, future girlfriend, till we meet again.”

Eva rolls her eyes, trying to look less amused than she feels on the inside. “Till then, boy who is a friend who cannot take no for an answer.”

“I can live with that,” he says.

They share a look with each other for a moment longer before Chris slowly lowers himself to plant a kiss on Eva’s lips and Eva reciprocates easily.

The kiss is short but it gets both their points across and Chris climbs back out the window in the far corner, but doesn’t look back when he leaves, and deep down, Eva is glad he didn’t.

“Till we meet again,” she says to the darkness.

The year that follows passes in the blink of an eye and before Eva realizes it, it’s already the mid afternoon of August the twenty-fifth of the following year. The last time she’d seen Chris was just before he shipped off back to base around the same time last year and besides sparse messages here and there telling her he’s fine and asking about her day and other questions he doesn’t get to know the answer to, Eva hasn’t seen or had any contact with him whatsoever. Being in the actual military was different than the one he’d been in before; even on the rare occasion when he got the weekend off he was usually always too busy settling other businesses to come see her. Eva didn’t take it to heart because she understood and because he always sounded sincere and a little disappointed himself every time he had to tell her he couldn’t come.

But Eva kept waiting. She still hooked up with guys in the backroom at clubs and in the hallway of parties, but none of it ever went anywhere. Or rather she’d stop herself before it could go anywhere. It wasn’t a condition Chris had set or made her agree to; he was insistent that she still needed to have her own fun in the meantime.

It was just a condition she’d set for herself: to look and touch, maybe kiss, but nothing more than that. It wasn’t anything exceptionally hard or easy either way, it just didn’t feel like anything she wanted in that moment.

Chris tells her he misses her when he calls and when he can’t he still somehow manages to find a way to send a text usually consisting of a long line of heart emojis and little smileys blowing kisses. Eva tries to not feel too touched by the act, but she fails miserably every time.

She’s pulled the short black skirt from the bottom pile of clothes in her closet and the familiar colourful purple top that held both good and bad memories.

Getting dressed was easy, besides working herself into the pantyhose that all of a sudden seemed way too tight. Luckily Chris hadn’t set the condition that the pantyhose needed to be the same exact one as well. Small favours, Eva thought. Doing her make up-on the other hand, was the worst part. She’d never been especially gifted in that ability, not like Sana, but it’s like her skills only deteriorated over time, or it could have been because of the nerves. She’s never been nervous for anything that was Chris related before, but for some reason today her stomach felt like it was in knots. Her heart was thundering in her chest and her palms felt clammy. It was a strange feeling and not one she’d really associate with anything Chris related but there it is like a symptom she can’t ignore.

She missed him, more than she ever thought she would and even though Chris says the same every time they meet, deep down Eva hopes that he truly means it.

The party is in full swing when she arrives; the music is booming and the sweaty bodies are grinding up against each other in the enclosed space but Eva can only focus on one thing: trying to spot the familiar person with the familiar fedora among the countless bodies in the crowd.

It takes her a full five minutes before a twinge in the back of her mind encourages her to look up at the beam smack dab right in the middle of the room, close to the bar where a line of girls are eyeing a particular person hungrily with their eyes.

Eva steels herself for a moment, putting on the game face she’s perfected in the year that she hasn’t seen him and marches over; not paying attention but completely aware of the glares that are directed towards her by the girls around when she walks straight up to the dancing person in the middle of the dance floor; reaching over to place a hand on his upper arm and leans close to whisper into his ear; “Are you Chris? I need to talk to you for a minute.”

And finally he stops dancing and turns his eyes up to look at her, pushing the fedora higher up his forehead to get a better glimpse.

Eva is momentarily taken aback but she tries not to show it.

Chris looks good; really good.

It isn’t that he’s aged much in the year that passed, but his face has gotten more chiseled, more mature. But the moment he smiles, that’s the moment Eva really recognizes him and all of a sudden he hasn’t aged, not even as single day since the last time she saw him.

“I’m always open to a little discussion,” he says with a grin.

Eva doesn’t wait for a sign or words from up above; she can still feel the heat of the jealous glares boring holes into the back of her skull. She reaches over to cup the side of Chris’s face gently with her palm and leans up on her tiptoes to kiss him square on the lips. She doesn’t have to lean far because Chris bends down to meet her halfway for the kiss. In that moment, with the blood rushing to her head and her cheeks, Eva is suddenly sixteen years old again and she’s kissing the most handsome boy she’s ever laid eyes on.

They find themselves out of the club and all the way across town and at the doorstep of Eva’s house soon enough. Eva is fumbling with the keys even as Chris continues the onslaught of kisses on her shoulder and the back of her neck; his arms trailing across her midsection to grab her firmly in a strong embrace. Somehow he’s gotten bigger and taller since the last time they met; bigger was expected, but the fact that he somehow looks taller is something Eva credits to the way he seems to hold himself higher, prouder almost, his back straight and his posture almost stern; but nothing about his roaming hands or his lips covering her in fluttering kisses is stern by any definition of the word.

They’re both almost completely undressed by the time they stumble all the way to her room and find themselves in a tangle of limbs and half off pieces of clothing and undergarments, but Eva is laughing and Chris laughs along with her and in that moment, Eva couldn’t ask for anything more perfect.

Chris doesn’t stay for long that morning; just long enough for another make out session in the kitchen over the smell of freshly brewed coffee and fried eggs and melted butter.

Chris says he can’t stay and Eva doesn’t ask him to, but the decision is mutual and Chris plants one last kiss on her lips before he leaves. This time out the front door the way he came in, for the very first time.

Another three hundred and sixty five days pass before she sees him again. She’s turned twenty by that time and feeling so much more mature compared to her sixteen year old self who was so quiet and shy and so concerned about everyone else’s opinion and everyone else’s opinion of her. She doesn’t care about that anymore; she’s proud of the person she turned out to be and everyone around her could see that, even Jonas, who she still passes curtly in the street on her way to the grocery store. But Jonas hasn’t changed at all.

Chris on the other hand has changed so much in the two years since they last had their talk in her bedroom when it was just the two of them. Just a small part of his change was actually physical, most of it was in the way he moved and the way he carried himself; the way he reacted to the people around him, especially to the women. He still looked; from under the brim of the grey fedora while he was moving his body to the music, obviously seeing all the eyes that were on him in that moment and lapping up all the attention proudly.

Eva stands off to the side for a few minutes just watching. Watching him move, watching him dance, just watching him; watching him in a way that she never watched another person before and thinking that maybe she was actually finally able to see everything about him and that she truly did like what she saw.

Only then does she approach him. She can sense from the way his entire body language changes that he noticed her approach even though his back is to her but he doesn’t turn to greet her until she has her hand on his arm, beckoning him to turn around with a gentle nudge. He obliges loyally with a come-hither smirk. Eva says, as she’d said the year before, “Are you Chris? I need to talk with you,” and he answers with the same answer he’d given back then too, “I’m always open to a little discussion,” he says and they both can’t stop the smile that curls at their lips.

They find themselves back at Eva’s house and in her bed just before the sun begins its ascension in the horizon.

They had a great night; one of the best Eva has ever had, but Chris doesn’t stay that time either and Eva doesn’t even think of asking him to.

Another year brings many more changes to Eva’s life: new living arrangements, a new job; some new coworkers that she makes time for outside the tight knit group of friends she already has.

Sana spent the summer in Turkey with her brother. Everyone who knew her knew that ‘her brother’ was actually code for Yousef, but never actually brought up the topic whenever Sana was in the room.

After almost two years of living with Noora at the Kollektivet after his dad cut him off; William finally managed to get an apartment of his own. It wasn’t at all like the apartment he used to own; it was small and cozy and not unlike the family friendly apartment Noora was used to living in with Eskild and Linn. Noora went with him when he moved but Eskild and Linn didn’t have time to be sad by her departure because almost immediately after she vacated her room—twenty-two hours in fact, they gained a new roommate in the form of one of Elias’s friends, Mutta. He and Eskild got along almost uncomfortably well.

Vilde was still with Magnus and somehow the years that passed had only managed to make them even clingier and even more liberal with the PDA. Eva didn’t mind it though, because seeing the genuinely joyous look on Vilde’s face whenever she looked at Magnus was the only thing that mattered to any of them.

Chris somehow ended up dating Julian Dahl, which came as an absolute shock to everyone because all this time people had assumed he was gay.

Even and Isak, or as Magnus had come to refer to them collectively as Evak, were still disgustingly cute with each other. Eva didn’t contact them as much as she’d like, but last she heard they were in the middle of planning a holiday abroad for just the two of them.

Eva was glad for all her friends for finding their happiness, but deep down there was still a part of her that yearned to have what they had. It was funny, she thought she was over her childish dreams of getting a happily ever after and was more than content to just live life as it came; to hook up with whoever she wanted and to fuck whoever she wanted without apology.

Once upon a time ago, she thought she had that with Jonas, but that dream turned out to be more like a wistful fantasy. Then for a split second she thought that maybe she could have had that with Chris, even though her heart was too battered to truly allow herself that fantasy, but that too had turned out to be a bust. But somehow thoughts of Chris, even now, never left a bitter taste in her mouth or even a sense of loss when she thought about him, maybe because there was never really anything between them to be lost. Or maybe because she doesn’t feel like she’s lost him yet.

She used to want to be with Jonas every second of every minute of every day, but this thing she had with Chris, meeting him only once a year outside the sporadic text and occasional phone calls that come when she least expects it; somehow what she had right now just felt more fulfilling.

Chris never stays past August the twenty-sixth, and Eva never asks him to. It just felt like an unspoken agreement between the two of them that the moment just wasn’t right at the time.

The third year passes the same, so does the fourth and with each passing year the yearning in Eva’s heart grows stronger and stronger until one day, one cold, damp morning; she wakes up just before dawn to the sound of raindrops beating down on her window that she comes to the realization.

She wants him.

She needs him.

She loves him.

She can’t go back to sleep after that revelation and just lays back down in her bed, imagining the feel of Chris’ body embracing her like a fond memory.

It’s August the twenty-fifth, five years after they first made their pact while sitting on the edge of the mattress in her old room and all of a sudden it’s like Eva can finally see the world clearly again.

Today is finally the day and Eva hopes that she isn’t too late.

She takes extra care getting ready that evening; putting greater concentration into doing her make-up, utilizing all the skills she’d picked up through the years; contouring and highlighting and winging her liner to perfection. She curls her hair and uses more hairspray that day than she has in her whole twenty three years of life, watching it cascade down past her shoulders when she lets it out of the rollers. She finishes everything off with a touch of pink lipstick and shimmery pink gloss.

It takes her five minutes of going back and forth before she sets aside the black miniskirt and the flowery top and instead reaches for a skin tight, dark red bandage dress that reaches down to just above her knees and a pair of black pumps. She hopes Chris won’t get mad for her diverting from their promise tonight.

She hopes Chris will still show up.

She studies her reflection one last time in the mirror, smoothing the creases down her front and reaches for her knee length coat and her purse, willing her heart to stop thundering in her chest before she exhales once and leaves her apartment without a look back.

She has so much hope for tonight, the main being that she isn’t too late.

The club hasn’t changed one bit since the first time she stepped in across the threshold all those years ago; back then her outfit was a mess, her makeup was a mess and she herself was a hot mess.

It’s amazing what a difference a few years could do to a person. Eva doesn’t think she’s ever felt this good about herself in her life and maybe that was why it didn’t work out with Jonas and why it didn’t work out with Chris at the time. She didn’t love herself enough to allow herself to love another person the way they deserved. That was really what got between her and Chris all those years ago, and perhaps she did play her part in pushing him away and into Emma’s arms when he was obviously trying so hard to change.

Inevitably, they were both just not ready for each other back then.

The only question is-is she ready now?

She supposes she is about to find out.

She looks for the familiar fedora among the moving, grinding bodies on the dance floor. Somehow her brain has chosen that exact moment to start replaying Chris’s words over and over in her head.

‘If the other person isn’t single anymore, they just have to…not show up.’

It plays on a loop in her mind and she can’t stop the way her heart feels as if it’s dropping deeper and deeper into her stomach with each passing moment she isn’t able to spot him.

Bodies push past her, bumping accidentally into her shoulder as they rush past, whether in a hurry to get somewhere or headed to the bar to get another drink. Eva is stuck on the spot just looking at the people moving around her, it’s like she’s stuck in a slow motion video while everyone else is moving fast forwarded through the scene, but she doesn’t have time to collect her thoughts or even decipher what she’s feeling on the inside. If she has to describe the feeling in a word she would say crushed; absolutely, devastatingly crushed.

She looks at the hands of her watch showing her that it’s almost thirty past nine. In the few years they’d adhered to their promise, they’ve never met up later than nine o’clock.

‘If the other person isn’t single anymore, they just have to…not show up.’

Just the thought of Chris not coming; of Chris potentially not being single anymore; the thought of Chris being in the arms of another woman, someone who isn’t her; kissing her and touching her the way he used to touch her while they were in bed together. The way he used to stroke her eyebrow with his thumb until she woke up, gazing up at his beautiful smiling face looking at her like she was the moon in his eyes.

Eva feels the warm sensation of tears pooling in her eyes, but she doesn’t want to cry. She’d mess up her make-up and she doesn’t want that.

Chris never promised her anything just like she hasn’t promised him anything in return. Everything they had they’d built from nothing with nothing but luck and a feeling of mutual attraction. But a sad fact that Eva is all too used to: eventually your luck is bound to run out.

And it seems like hers finally has.

Eva nearly laughs, except the sound comes out choked and wet, almost like a sob that she was trying hard to suppress.

She doesn’t dare glance at her watch, deep down she knows it’s already close to ten and still Chris is nowhere in sight.

‘If the other person isn’t single anymore, they just have to…not show up.’

She tries not to be hurt, but the pain is agonizing inside her chest and deep within her gut and all of a sudden she feels like she can’t breathe. She needs to get out of there. She needs air. She needs…

She needs Chris.

She wants Chris.

She loves Chris.

The crushing sorrow in her heart is agonizing and a person’s hard bump against her shoulder almost sends her sprawling to the ground. Before she can face plant though, a pair of strong arms catches her by the shoulder, steadying her; allowing her to find her feet again before she can straighten up sheepishly to thank him.

“Wow...”

The voice stills her. She can’t peel her eyes away from the ground she’s staring at to look at him because she’s afraid that if she does it’s going to turn out to just be a figment of her deepest desires. She just isn’t ready for the disappointment.

“Damn.”

But there it is again. It’s just a voice, but it isn’t. It’s the voice.

It’s Chris’s voice and Eva dares herself to glance up and see him.

Chris looks…

…breathtaking.

Gone is the stupid grey fedora that she both loved and hated looking at. Gone are the simple t-shirt and the slacks she is so used to seeing him in.

What’s still there, though, is the stupid cheeky grin on his face and the glint in his eyes and the way he looks at her like she’s the only thing in the room worth looking at.

When Eva finally manages to catch her breath and find the legs to steady herself on, she finally looks at him properly.

He’s wearing a pair of dressy black pants with a professional black coat to match over a crisp white button up shirt, the two top buttons left undone. In his hand is the biggest, most flamboyant looking bouquet of flowers Eva has ever seen in her life.

Eva is left speechless and her mind a buzzing mess. Chris still has one hand holding her by the upper arm and the look in his eyes is both amused and appreciative of what he’s looking at.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” he says. “Picking out this outfit took much longer than I thought.”

Eva is still gobsmacked, her mouth opening and closing without actual words coming out to justify the act. “You look…” she manages to choke out.

Chris looks sheepish when he interrupts her. “Dumb, right? I know it looks dumb. I should have gone with the t-shirt and—”

“No. N-No, not at all,” she interrupts quickly. “You look…amazing.”

Chris actually blushes before he clears his throat. “Really? I—I mean, you look amazing, Eva. I’m just—I just look like…well, a dude.”

Eva feels tears start to well up in her eyes, but compared to the tears of sadness and disappointment like a few minutes ago, these tears are of relief and amusement and genuine happiness. “Well, you look like a really handsome dude nonetheless.”

Chris smiles and Eva smiles right back at him.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel—like, I mean, if I made you sad that I wasn’t—punctual. I know how much you hate people who aren’t punctual.”

Eva reaches up to wipe away the tear before it could trickle down her cheek. “No,” she says, “it’s okay. The only thing that matters is that you’re here now. It’s the only thing I could have wished for.”

The double meaning of the words don’t need an explanation. Eva just stands there looking at Chris and watching him stare at her right back. Nothing in the room matters in that moment and the sound of the surrounding have died down to a muffled pulsating buzz. It’s just the two of them standing there among the indistinct fuzziness rushing past them.

“Miss Eva,” Chris says, breaking the silence with a nervous smile, offering the giant bouquet of flowers to her with both hands outstretched. “Would you do me the honour of being my date for tonight, and for every night from now on?”

Eva swallows the lump in her throat. Her hands taking the flowers being offered to her and her eyes finally finding Chris’s after she’s looked at all the variety of different coloured roses in her arms. “Yes,” she says, “I would be honoured to, Mr. Chris.”

Chris beams at her answer, turning on his heel and offering an elbow for her to link her arm in.

Eva does so gladly and they leave the club together that night and forever.

It was the club that brought them together and it was the club that finally made them whole; but it had done its duty and this time it was up to Chris and Eva to figure everything out for themselves. It wasn’t going to be easy and it wasn’t going to be without their bumps in the road, but it was a path they were determined to traverse together and for that moment, that was enough.

Eva and Chris weren’t perfect people; they had their frayed edges and their chipped sides but somehow, being together, their presence in each other’s lives made them people who were truly whole.

THE END.

#chriseva #mohnstad #chris schistad #eva kviig mohn #skam #post that shit that was 4.10 #seriously #forever bitter stan #julie doesn't deserve chriseva or our loyalty #reiven fics #reiven skam fics

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