#they live in a hole in a tree sometimes. ok?

[soapoey]

silly pink things

#sopeart #search up galah on google images and look at my birds for me. ok ? #they live in a hole in a tree sometimes. ok?

[jackdaw-and-hattrick]

Teetering

Tw/Swearing.

Ao3

Previous-Next

There was no sun here, but the day was bright as Damien ran through the garden. The plants chased after him, vines and roots snaking and snapping around his feet. Above him, Phantom floated, weaving in and out of branches. Suddenly, a willow branch snapped forward, and Damien had to duck out of the way: a front roll and a flip as he dodged the greenery. Then a petunia, teeth bared, lunged, and he jumped backward, not seeing the island's edge until he was rocking back. His foot slipped, and for a sickening moment, Damien was falling down into the endless void of the Infinite Realms. Then Phantom catches him and holds him in his arms as they fly to the great tree at the garden's center, where they land on the highest branches. From here, Damien can see the whole island. It is beautiful, lush, and wild, so different from the training grounds back home. He goes to pick one of the odd black fruits, which hang heavy and ripe, but he's stopped.

“Don’t,” Phantom says, “The fruit isn't safe.”

“But I've seen you eat them.”

“Yeah, but I live here.

You have a home to get back to.”

.......................................................................................

Pennyworth was the first to recover. Stepping past the floor-bound form of Todd balled up and wheezing from laughing, though Damian couldn't think what was so funny, he swept what family he could towards the living room. Damien was unsure just how much of the family was planning on joining them for dinner, but for the time being, it seemed to be just the five of them. Phantom, for his part, gathered his board-line hysterical boyfriend up into his arms and followed after. It was odd to see such a thin person carrying a man at least two hundred pounds heavier as if it were nothing. Strange, Damian faintly noticed he was smiling. When did he ever?... No matter.

The sitting room was, like all of the manor, spacious and decadent, with paneled wine-red walls stretching up so high they seemed to curve to the chandelier, not as large or beautiful as the one in the main hall or even the one in the dining room but still magnificent in its own right. If there was one thing Damien appreciated about living in the Manor quite as much as the freedom it afforded him, it was the sheer beauty and care given to each room. As much as he'd hate to admit it, he didn't know how Pennyworth maintained such a large space on his own. There simply where not the hours in the day. Even attempts to shadow the man had proven fruitless in explaining how he managed.

Finally, Todd seemed to have calmed himself to the point where it was no longer a struggle to speak over him. Father, standing stiffly in the corner where the light was weakest and glaring daggers through Phantom, was the first to speak.

"Who are You."

Damien opened his mouth to speak, only to be cut off with a sharp glance.

"I mean..." Phantom hesitated, seemingly unsure about how to continue. " I'm Phantom. I used to babysit Dami when he was little."

"You were part of the League of Shadows?"

"No!" Phantom seems somewhat over-emphatic in Damien's opinion, not that anyone had asked.

"No, I'm..." He glanced over to Damien, "I'm the king of the Infinite Realms, Dami just used to visit sometimes when he wanted to get away for a bit and I would keep an eye on him."

"What are the Infinite Realms? How did he get there?"

"Oh you know," he floundered, "League of Shadows... Forbidden magic... all that Fun Stuff."

"Elaborate"

Surprisingly, it was Todd who spoke next.

“Look, the League had a natural portal to the Realms they kept squirreled away ok? It was a whole big secret; only the top members were supposed to even know about it.”

“Like the Lazarus Pit.”

“Yeah,”

“Is it dangerous?”

“It's a giant hole in reality leading to another dimension,” Todd said, irritation evident, “ not a fucking Chucky Cheese. Of course it's dangerous; that's why we closed it.”

“We?” Phantom snorted

“Yeah, yeah Mister I-close-holes-in-reality-for-shits-and-giggles. Not all of us can be fucking One Punch Men. ‘Sides, I helped. Hell knows when you were gonna get around to it if I didn't threaten to leave you sleeping on the couch.”

“Hel doesn't know anything about scheduling and you know it.”

Father cut in, interrupting their fond bickering. Silently, Damien wondered how long Todd and Phantom had been dating.

“So the portal has been taken care of.”

“Yep!” Phantom said, “I closed that dumb thing right up!”

“Are there any others?”

“Yeah, but most natural portals don't stay open long enough to be a problem. A stable portal is a little like a fairy; real, but rare enough that you can keep the salt at home.”

Father blinked, unsure how to react to that answer. Damien remembered this; the strange explanations that brought up more questions than answers. As a child, Damien had always found this extremely irritating. It was reassuring to see that this had not changed.

“What is the Infinite Realm?”

Again, Todd answered.

“Exactly what it says on the tin; it's a realm, and it's infinite. Basically, it's a space between universes connecting them all together, and ‘cause there’s infinite other universes, there’s infinite space between them. It's like driving through Kansas. Most folks don't think about the people who take care of those endless corn fields.”

Father glared at Todd, clearly frustrated with his butting in. He very purposefully turned to Phantom.

“Damien said you were king?”

“Yep! Won the title after I beat the last guy into the ground when he tried to flatten the midwest!”

“What does that mean?” Father gritted his teeth, not used to all of this talking. “What duties come with being King of the Infinite Realms?”

Again, Phantom hesitated, glancing over to Damien as if trying to decipher some great mystery, and again, Todd stepped in. Interesting. Irritating.

“Same shit that comes with being King anywhere. He sits through boring ass meetings and makes sure no dumbasses try and kill each other.”

“Hn”

“So,” Greyson said, stepping purposefully between Father and Todd, “How’d you two meet?”

He flashed his signature “socialite” smile. Phantom met it in a wide parody of a grin, eyes impossibly wide and hair glowing ever brighter. Before he could speak, Pennyworth, who Damien was sure had been by the door leading to the front hall, stepped in from the dining room.

“Excuse me, sirs,” he said, voice as level and unreadable as ever, “but it seems dinner is ready.”

Tag Cultists

@mur-ururu @krzys2000 @soren1830 @fisticuffsatapplebees @emergentpanda-blog @heirxofxtime @plotwholls @phoenixdemonqueen @avalnfear @historyboiiiiii @rangerhorsetug @zgirlxy @mistrfuzzles @thegreawizards @aroranorth-west @emeraldcorpral @the-archer-goddess @gin2212 @undead-essence @eleiteranger

#danny phantom #dc x dp #dpxdc #jason todd #bruce wayne #dick grayson #damien wayne #alfred pennyworth #dead on main #danny can't lie #not well anyways #and he's bad at not saying things #Jason has none of these issues #and he loves bugging B #a match made in the zone #Danny doesn't want to tell Damien about the zone because he knows what that kid’s childhood was like #and he wants him to have some good memories untainted by death #he is gonna tell B but he wants to do it in private #tw swearing #Jason can't open his mouth without swearing #also #Pennyworth is weird #more on that later #Dick’s perspective next chapter #I'm working on the AO3 version but I'm gonna have my friend read over that one so it may come out a little different

[billthedrake]

TELEPHONE POLE

If it hadn't been for the lousy weather on the long weekend, Frank Grisholm may never have taken the chance. But he'd spent two days straight in his apartment, edging for hours with a vial of poppers, a tub of Albolene, and a collection of his favorite dildos, some quite impressive in size. The former D1 football player had a life change at 30, but for as long as it took for him to come out, it had taken less than a year for the muscled 6'5" hunk to realize he craved to have his hole worked over.

Just like grocery shopping when you're hungry, you should never log onto the apps when you've been marathon masturbating. But Frank couldn't help himself. Something about the dildos felt second-best that day. He scrolled through some familiar profiles, holding his phone in his right hand while his left slowly sawed a black-rubber Big Boy in and out of his ass.

He saw a couple of tops he'd hooked up with. Not fuck buddies, but maybe he could reach out for a repeat. Only his attention was caught by a new profile. Or at least new to Frank. The picture was PG rated. Well, R rated, maybe. A picture of a guys' shorts with a huge ridge filling out the package. The profile listed the vital stats. 20 years old, 5'9, 155#, top.

But the dick pick is what got Frank excited, and maybe a little scared. He'd never seen a dick as fat as this. Sometimes guys used the term "beer can" for cocks that probably weren't quite as big and round as an actual beer can. Unless images deceived, this one was fatter than one. It was a bludgeon of a cock that looked like a butt plug, slightly torpedo shaped with two heavy balls clinging to the stalk and a tuft of dark brown pubes behind it.

Then there was the rest of the writing:

THE REAL DEAL. This isn't photoshopped, fellas. It's a tree trunk cock ready to plow some experienced muscle ass.

TURN ONS: Masculine men, linebacker builds, meaty asses. Older guys cool. Cunt training. Seeing that gape.

TURN OFFS: Guys who pussy out. Condoms. Drugged out dudes (poppers and 420 ok)

FRONT OF THE LINE: NO FOREPLAY fucks. Military men.

I need serious takers only.

Frank had enjoyed some intense dildo play, for sure. Even back in his 20s, he had a secret stash of them, and he'd use them on himself whenever his fiancee was out. It was a lie he kept up, until his 30th birthday. He splurged and rented an escort on a business trip to Atlanta. He had to scratch that itch, to get it out of his system.

Only it was the best sex of his life. That big cocked escort had fucked the ex-jock to two toe-curling orgasms in quick succession. He didn't even charge Frank for going over the time.

The next week, Frank called off his engagement and started making plans to get a job in a city, a real city.

"Hey," he now typed. He was actually intimidated to reach out to Mr. Tree Trunk.

But he got a quick, flirty reply. "Hi man. You're fucking hot."

"Thanks," Frank said. Maybe it was the kid's age, or just that sheer cock size, but he didn't expect this easy rapport with the messaging. Frank revealed that he'd been edging all afternoon. Jake said he was taking a study break because he was really horny.

"Feel like coming over man? I'd love to pound your ass." The direct approach might not always work, but in Frank's worked up state, it was just his speed.

"Sounds hot," he wrote. "But I won't lie, that monster scares me."

"You a noob?" came the reply.

Frank had a sudden fear he'd killed the vibe and spoiled his chance to get laid. But his asshole would thank him, he decided. "Not to bottoming," the man replied. "I have some big toys, too."

"Hot," the college dude wrote. "I like breaking in new dudes. I won't hurt ya. Promise."

"That's tempting," Frank replied. "I'm so frickin horny."

"Me too man. Let's do this. My roommate is gone for the weekend." Jake sent his dorm name at one of the universities not far from where Frank lived. "I need to get back to my studying soon, but I wanna get my rocks off, bad."

It felt tawdry as hell, but the 32-year-old got cleaned up and dressed and made his way over to Jake's campus. Frank texted him when he was close, and Jake was down in the lobby waiting for him. The tall, almost beefy man blushed when he thought how transparent this was, being some college kid's booty call. But what the fuck, Jake was an adult, Frank was an adult, and it's not like anyone there knew the man.

"You're even hotter in person," Jake growled as they made our way to his room. He was wearing just some shorts and T-shirt and flip flops, with a college ball cap. He had a soccer player look about him, not a competitive one, maybe, but that tone, lean-muscled look accentuated by his ruddy cheeks and cute face. His body was buff for a college kid's, but his face looked younger.

Jake may have been in a rush, but Frank had to give him credit, he took his time. They sat on his twin dorm bed and made out, then lay back. The ex-jock had never made it with a dude this much younger than him, but the fact Jake had a massive cock gave that age differential a certain thrill. And when the college dude started tugging at Frank's sweatshirt, that put the man in a real bottomy mood.

"Fuck," Jake growled as he lifted Frank's arm and started feasting on the furry pit. The swipe of his tongue sent goosebumps down the bigger, more muscular body. Jake kissed along the chest, then munched at the other pit.

When they finally kissed again, both could feel the temperature rising. Frank reached down and massaged that fat boner in Jake's shorts.

"Wanna see it?" he asked. Boasting.

Frank nodded. "Please."

"Big muscle guy is a frickin size queen, aren't ya?" Jake wasn't a dom, not exactly. He mostly loved the physicality of sex. But he also knew he had 7 incredibly fat inches calling the shorts.

He undid his shorts and there in the flesh, Frank learned that in fact no Photoshop was involved. He was staring at the most colossal prick he'd ever seen or could imagine.

Like a hungry power bottom the big man scrambled to get down and lick it. He actually tried to work the head between his lips, but that cock was too fat.

Jake gently massaged my short hair and laughed. "Don't worry, dude, I've only met one guy who can suck me."

Frank Grisholm felt sad he wasn't that guy. And more than a little ashamed for his lust for that tool. The college kid was cute as fuck but it was the monster meat between his legs that had me acting like a slut. "OK if I lick some more?"

"Be my guest," Jake said, hands on his hips as the man laved him. The thing about dicks that big is they're generally not as hard as smaller cocks. Too much blood flow needed for all that vascular tissue. But as Frank licked him, Jake grew harder and definitely sported a fuck hardon now.

"On your back, man," he hissed. "I wanna eat your hot hole."

The big man did as instructed and when he pulled those meaty legs back, Jake actually whistled before getting down into place. He stared at Frank's pucker and gently ran his finger around it. "So nice... you have a little looseness." He looked up at the guy, a horny expresion on his face. "You been playing with your toys all day, huh?"

Frank nodded. "Yeah. But none of them are as thick as you, kid."

That made Jake smile. "Should be a tight fuck, then," he growled and dove in to lick the hole.

Frank loved every part of this. On his back in some goddamn college drom room getting a very eager and skilled rim job. He had to imagine Jake's endowment meant he had a good deal of experience, if he wanted it. Now he softly urged the college stud in a deep gravely voice, coaxing to lick him deep.

The rimming didn't last TOO long. Maybe five minutes. But Frank's hole felt alive and ready. There had been too much stimulation and edging and now he wanted it.

Jake wasn't giving him a chance to back out. At least not unless and until the big guy said no. He slathered on some milky viscous lube, and Frank realized he'd seen it in some toy play videos. The college kid was actually nervous as he pushed that first fat inch past Frank's ring.

The ex-footballer wanted this, bad. But the entry stung and he did his best to hold back a wince.

Jake looked on concerned but also majorly turned on. "Yeah, man, first time's a bitch," he said. "But you got it." He reached down and ran his hands along Frank's beefy furry front. "I'm in ya now, buddy. So just relax and let me in."

Frank took a couple of deep breaths until he decided the heavy breathing was making him tense up.

"Want some poppers?" Jake asked.

"Um, yeah," Frank said. Sometimes they gave him a headache afterwards, but that would be worth it if it allowed him to take this massive cock.

Jake walked as the big guy huffed the fumes. "You're just my fucking type, man," He said excitedly as he fisted that tree trunk meat and added some extra viscous lube.

Frank screwed the cap back on the vial and lay it down on the mattress. He nodded up at Jake.

The poppers rush coincided with the college kid's second entry. That humongous prick was boring right into that slick ass and Frank's body was letting it.

"Fuck!" the big man growled. "You're huge."

"You like huge," Jake said in his turned on voice. He pressed on, feeling a crazy snugness but not an outright clenching of the man's guts, like he usually did with noobies. Soon he felt his balls press against that muscle ass. "I was right, man. You're tight as fuck."

Frank had lost his hardon earlier but the idea he had that giant dong buried all the way up him turned him on and made his cock bone up. He reached down and scooped up some extra lube and applied it to his cock.

Jake was now sawing in and out. Not a lot. But priming the pump. "Not gonna last long today, I'm afraid," he grunted. "Too fucking tight."

"That's OK," Frank said.

Jake nodded down to the poppers. "Take another hit," he urged. "You'll need it."

The ex-jock did just that. Then enjoyed the wave of warmth in his body. Jake was fucking now. Heavy full strokes. It wasn't rough or hard or fast, but with a tree trunk dick, it didn't have to be. Hands down, it was the most intense fucking Frank Grisholm had ever experienced. He tugged at his regular-sized boner and felt jolts of pleasure. His prostate was downright flattened by that torpedo-tapered dong, which sawed over it over and over.

"Shit!" Jake hissed. As he came, that was the only time he lost control, his hips jerking harder and fast as that bazooka blasted deep inside Frank. He'd actually had bottoms pass out with that part, but Jake couldn't help himself. When he was mid-nut, nature took over.

Fortunately, that extra intensity pushed Frank to the hardest cum of his life. Pleasurable to the point of hurting as ropes of seed got pushed out.

Before the poppers wore off, Jake was pulling back, very slowly. With size comes responsibility, and Jake was always careful in the dismount, at least until he knew a bottom was well trained for some rougher stuff.

His eyes were fixated on Frank's well-fucked hole. "Damn, that's one hell of a gape!" he enthused. "Fucking beautiful."

Frank felt exposed and slutty but the fact this kid liked his wide-open cummy hole made him less self-conscious.

"I wish I had more time to play with that," Jake said softly, actually wistfully as his fingers traced the gaping rim. "Is my finger OK, man?" he asked.

Frank winced a little. "I'm a little tender. But go ahead."

Jake was like a kid in the candy store as he examined his handiwork. The man's pucker was a little red and a lot stretched, though it was closing back up before his eyes. Frank leaned back and watched that giant college dong shrink to a soft elephant trunk.

Jake looked at Frank with a leer. "You think you'd ever be up for cunt training, man? You have an amazing pussy."

Two years ago, Frank would have objected to those terms. Now, he was OK with them. "What do you mean, cunt training?"

Jake smirked. "I've given some guys real big pussy lips, just by fucking regularly." He added, "though some of the dudes have also used toys. Either way, it's hot as fuck."

"I dunno," Frank hissed. He'd loved everything about taking on the challenge of Jake's cock, but he didn't want to be a freak or anything.

"Just think about it, man," he urged. He pulled up his finger and licked off the fuck juice from it. "You'd have a lot of fun doing it."

Jake patted his meaty thigh. "Listen, I really do need to study for my midterm. But dude, that was incredible... I'm glad you hit me up."

"Me too," Frank said sheepishly, gathering his energy to get dressed again. The popper headache was coming on, but he'd been right: this was all worth it.

"Seriously man," Jake said as he slipped his shorts back on over that soft heavy, flopping meat. "Let me know if you want a repeat. I'm not looking to date or anything, but it would be hot to have a longer session."

"We'll see," Frank answered, but with an encouraging smile. Jake stepped up for one last kiss, then Frank was off.

The whole way home, the ex-jock's hole felt tender and used, but that very feeling made him smile.

#drakestories

[gracievix]

My Smiling Critters headcanons Part 2( ⚠️Poppy Playtime Orientation Book spoilers ahead⚠️)

🌞🍎⭐️💡❤️🎨⚡️🌛

Sometimes Bubba will mumble his thought process to himself (like Deku from Mha) and everyone just stares until someone asks if he’s done or if he’s ok

Bobby is Huggy Wuggy and Kissy Missy’s #1 fan. They’re her favorite couple.

Kickin has a high pitched scream. Hoppy once jumped from behind a bush and scared him, and she will never let him live it down for as long as she lives.

Crafty and Catnap have become good friends due to their common shyness and awkwardness. They help each other improve their social skills and stick by each other to not feel alone when the whole gang is together. (Dogday is proud of both of them)

Catnap likes to watch Crafty draw. And Crafty has even offered to teach him on a few occasions.

Picky and Bobby have a garden where they grow flowers, fruits, and vegetables together

Dogday has had to help Catnap down from trees on a few occasions

Favorite Flavor Ice Cream :

Dogday: Peanut Butter

Bobby: Raspberry & chocolate chip

Bubba: Matcha

Picky: Every Flavor but if she had to pick one , it’d be birthday cake

Crafty: Cotton candy

Hoppy: She doesn’t like ice cream, she prefers snow cones and popsicles. Her favorite flavor is Green Apple

Kickin: Orange Dreamiscle

Catnap: Chocolate (basic ahh)

The critters have to be careful where they step when going to Dogday’s house. He digs holes around his house and it’s easy to fall in one.

Bubba snacks on peanuts

Hoppy’s parents are professional athletes

I feel as though playtime co. should have made Catnap more like Linus from the Peanuts comics. That would have toned down his creepiness and would have made him more appealing to children (Heck, give him a comfort blanket for when he decides to randomly nap)

If the smiling critters were successful enough I think the critters who would have gotten spin off content would be Crafty and Kickin

Crafty collects rocks, seashells, and marbles

Hoppy likes to invite her friends on morning jogs with her

Hoppy tries to get Crafty to come out of her shell. Her and Bobby are the Crafty’s biggest defenders

Picky loves Charlotte’s web for obvious reasons

Bubba documents Catnaps weird behavior. Dogday keeps telling him it’s just Catnap being Catnap

Dogday and Catnap are childhood friends.

Like for part 3

#poppy playtime #smiling critters #dogday #bobby bearhug #catnap #hoppy hopscotch #bubba bubbaphant #kickinchicken #craftycorn #picky piggy #headcanon

[intergalacticaquarium]

Despicable headcanons for eddie munson

Terrible and (sfw) filthy headcanons for eddie munson that make him my dream man

None of this is ironic

- wears all those layers bc he gets cold really really easily and every time he starts to shiver and his teeth start to chatter at like 50 degrees he is completely humiliated

-only remembers to brush his hair about once a week. Usually he just kinda pats it down until it's the right shape. The mats add volume

-DEFINITELY cuts his own bangs

-either got arrested when he was like 17 and booked it into the forest and hopper was like whatever dude I'm busy and he broke the handcuffs in a very stupid and dangerous way

-OR he just found em in the woods bc as somebody that lives near a lot of woods sometimes you find weird shit in there. One time I found super old car with bullet holes in it.

-speaking of yknow sometimes ur in public and you'll see a piece of clothing or a hair tie or a water bottle that somebody obviously left behind and you know not to touch it bc gross? Eddie doesn't know not to touch it. He touches it and picks it up and takes it home and fucking might wash it and definitely wears it

-found his vest on the side of the road in a puddle and took it home like a Charlie brown Christmas tree

-gets no bitches sorry girlies. Extremely surprised to get one bitch but she's a slug woman too so it's tru love. First and foremost what he wants in a partner is for them to be the type to also eat dry cereal by the fistful

- if he scrolled thru the Eddie x reader tag and read the descriptions he would be terrified and would need to look up a lot of terms and would need to go lie down for a second after all that information

-calling Eddie on a bluff is extremely easy and extremely satisying

-full of love

-cries really easily but sometimes that's bc his eyes are huge and it's windy and he's been sitting in the dark for a long time

-has waaaaay too lax a policy on what's OK to eat after you drop it on the floor

-has really bad undiagnosed untreated adhd. Cannot focus unless he's invested, will say the first thing that comes into his brain and regret it instantly and its either something wildly off topic or a response to something you said 3 minutes ago

-sometimes absentmindedly chews on his hair and it gets hard on the ends. To his credit he knows that this is gross

-hey why am I getting turned on writing this thats weird right

-you'd expect him to have like a million stupid fancy bongs that he won't shut up about but actually he has like 4 and only uses one and it's the fucking grodiest yellow tinted black bongwater that hasn't been changed in ages resin inside that looks like fuckin bushes bong you have ever seen and will not use it. One time you steal it and clean it out with an entire bottle of rubbing alcohol. It's still kinda gross when ur done and he genuinely would silently hold it against you for years

-uses his jeans as a napkin

-can't remember the last time he washed his jeans. Says you're not supposed to wash them but put them in the freezer. He does not put them in the freezer either

-smells like cigarettes. This one isn't sexy its just gross if somebody smokes weed and cigarettes they smell like cigarettes if somebody wears cologne and smoke a certain number of cigarettes that is all they smell like and it's kind of overwhelming until you literally air out and febreeze his whole fucking trailer and wardrobe to put a dent in it

-he got those holes in his jeans by falling over onto concrete really hard while trying to carry like 20 things at once inside

-very strangely patchy chest hair

-insomnia and watches a lot of infomercials because of it

-sometimes tastes things that aren't food if he's curious and nobody's around. One time he did lick a frog and it tasted weird and it was bad but he will always know what it tasted like so who's to say if it was a success or not

-laughs at horror movies but gets scared and jumpy for the rest of the night

-eats like an animal or Brad pitt in an oceans movie. If he can eat it with his hands by the fistful he will.

-I wonder if anybody can get which of these are autobiographical and how badly I'm giving myself away rn

-sometimes says and does things he saw his metal musician idols doing without knowing what they meant and being confused when confronted

-has AT LEAST one very badly scarred stick n poke disaster

-there are a lot of these and I honestly could go on probably indefinitely so I'm gonna stop now but every time I read a fic where he's too sexy and fuckable I'm gonna add 2 more to balance it out.

-one last one the wallet chain isn't for fashion it's for fashion AND bc he loses his wallet a lot

#stranger things #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson x oc #eddie munson headcanons #stranger things headcanons #its 1 am i woke up at 530 and i feel unhinged rn #and weirdly motivated to download tinder again #unfortunately my inexplicable attraction to soaking wet and slightly pitful men does not extend to real life #that would make things too easy #unless they do it in a very specific way and im back in #and that way is to have greasy long hair and wear a cool jacket OOPS

[not-alien-girl-v]

love your work! can u write a kai anderson x reader smut with him as an elf on a shelf????

absolutely yes!!!!

warning: elf!kai, smut, lowk being attracted to an inanimate object, unprotected sex, size kink, he’s an elf so whatever kink that is, watersports, dirty talk, use of a different hole in the female body, ready has to lick her own pee, elf!kai licks readers eye, gets sealed in her wall

note: not my best work but that’s ok. JUST FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES I SWEAR GUYS IM NOT CRAZY. tbh this isn’t that good but it’s comedic and that’s all that matters to me, also it’s not x reader it’s x claire sorry not sorry

she couldn’t believe her eyes. he looked just like him.

it has been a full year now since kai’s untimely demise, and sometimes she felt as though his face was everywhere. in the passing of strangers, in the clouds in the sky, the paint imperfections on her ceiling as she layed awake at night.

but here he was. his stern face magically before her, his greasy blue hair, his dark eyes. all fit compactly onto the small face of the elf on the shelf she stared at in the store.

how had the makers of this doll gotten every single feature correct about him? all down to the single freckle at the tip of his nose.

claire was supposed to be moving on. claire had moved on. hadn’t she? as she grabbed the doll and stuffed it into her basket, heading to the checkout lanes.

___

she thought about it all night. the way she delicately unpackaged the doll, set him carefully up above the mantle, a place where Kai and her used to sit, cuddled up before the fire, now much duller and more empty once he’d left.

the elf sat there like a reminder, of him, of who she used to be, what they once had. she had to avert her eyes before she teared up too much.

claire wasn’t really sure what she was expecting the first night she took him home, but when the elf remained there, untouched, unmoved, looking still, identical to her beloved but in the sense that it, too, was lifeless and cold.

though, it’s not like she could just throw it away. throw him away. so she left him there. sure, it hurt to see him like this, but it hurt more to have to say goodbye for a second time. moving one is for chumps, right?

the second night was different, however. firstly, claire had taken a shower at 10, finding that none of her clothes were clean, she was left to shut down the house for sleep completely naked. it was no big deal. she lived alone now, and she kept her windows closed most of the time.

she locked the door and tidied up the house, turning off the lights of the well decorated tree in her living room. as she practically danced around the house wearing nothing, she was completely unaware of the tent slowly growing in the groin of the elf, carefully watching the show. it wasn’t something she’d concern herself with, given that elves don’t have genitalia, or so she was led to believe, but something about this elf was different.

he wasn’t like other elves. perhaps he was special enough to cure her lovesickness.

after taking care of all that needed to be done, she layed down in her empty bed once again, as she had done for an entire year now, day after day, and it didn’t ever get easier, she just got used to it.

that’s when she heard it. thump thump thump

‘what the fuck?’ she thought to herself. she would have said it out loud, but she had two reasons not to: one being that she promised herself she wouldn’t allow herself to go crazy in such a way and another being that if an intruder had entered, they would surely hear her.

she didn’t dare move, her breaths shallow and quick as she waited to hear if she truly had gone crazy yet.

thump thump thump

she lived alone. of this she was sure. no doubt in her mind, nothing in her house was supposed to make any noise after she had retired to her bedroom. unless…

no, it couldn’t be. sure, she had dreamt of it almost every night, no, every single night since she had lost him, but there was no way he could walk back through that door. magical things don’t happen in the real world, as much as you hope and pray.

she crawled out of bed and crept down to the floor by her bedroom door, trying to make out a shadow of what might be out there. the hall light was on, something she definitely was not responsible, and her stomach dropped.

the more she thought about it, the more the most dangerous part of her brain took over. what did she have to lose? she had no family, aside from kai, no friends, aside from kai’s friends, though she hadn’t talked to them since, and was working a minimum wage job in a fast food restaurant.

she could storm out of the room and confront her attacker with nothing but her bare fists and let god be her witness as no one else sure would be.

with no second thought, that’s what she did. she swung open the door.

in this world, there were a few things she had to be sure about, with each passing day, the threat of losing her sanity became more apparent.

1. magical things don’t happen in the real world

2. she truly was alone in this world, in every type of way

3. kai anderson, the love of her life, bane of her existence, and the only thing that ever kept her tethered to the earth, was dead

though, as the elf, also known as kai, stood before her in the doorway, menacing as ever, almost as much as when he was alive, with a boner in his silly little red footie pajamas.

it was erotic in nature to claire, being so sexually aroused by an elf doll, but she found it hard to be ashamed as he resembled her beloved so closely.

“kai?” she gasped out loud and fell to her knees, still not even eye level with the elf.

“claire…” the elf spoke lowly and claire expected some type of comfort, jesus, he had been gone a year now, how much more can she take, but he stepped forward and continued, “you’ve been a naughty girl, haven’t you?”

she picked her head up from her hands. “wha- i don’t understand?” she spoke through sobs.

“you heard me. loud and clear. you’ve been naughty. i’ll tell santa if you don’t obey me.”

“what do you want, divine ruler?” she looked down at him with dark eyes.

“lay down on the bed, you dirty little slut.”

she felt her arousal grow with every squeaky word he spoke. something about being an elf, in such a small body caused his voice to sound something like a chipmunk, but she found it erotic, regardless.

she lay down on the bed, legs spread, ready for whatever may happen. he climbed on top of her, straddling her face with his doll legs, and he let his micro erection spring free. “suck, bitch.”

she gulped. “how exactly do i-“ she started but he shoved his length into her mouth before she could finish. it was almost like a single french fry, warm, salty, and small on her tongue, but she worked her best to please him in any way he desired.

“good girl,” he moaned out to her, and attempted to smack her face with the sewn in white gloves he wore, but he could merely caress her cheek limply with every attempt. he sighed and didn’t try again.

his moans got higher in pitch as he got closer to his release, and she was worried he was getting so high in pitch that only dogs would hear him soon.

“fuck baby, i’m gonna-“ he didn’t end his sentence as his hot load shot into her mouth, being about a single drop on her tongue, but once again, she didn’t mind. anything for her master, even if he was an elf.

he removed himself from her mouth the moment he felt her swallow, and moved down to abruptly stick his length into her leaking cunt.

she moaned loudly, out of pity for his small size and in some odd way, immense pleasure, as she found his micro penis much more arousing than she expected.

he groaned in annoyance. “fuck, i can’t feel you at all,” just as claire was about to reach her breaking point, he pulled out, and developed a sinister look on his face. “i know what will work.”

she aimed to raise her head to look at the elf working on her but her body went stiff when she felt his dick slide into her urethra.

“what the fuck are you doing?” she whined out in pain but he continued his attack on her smallest hole, the exact right size for his less than average manhood, or elfhood, as it would now seem to be.

“fuck, you feel so good you little whore. you’re still daddy’s princess, aren’t you?”

she hardly felt any pleasure anymore, mostly just an odd pain, but it was enough knowing it would please her master.

“yes daddy. i’m your princess daddy. i love you daddy,” she moaned. “oh shit,” her voice dropped an octave as panic began to swim around her leaking body. “fuck, daddy, i’m gonna-“

before she could finish her sentence, a powerful stream of piss shot out of her, through the hole the little elf man had claimed, pushing him out of her, and with that, given his now minimum body weight, catapulted his entire body away from her, thwapping him against the wall with a loud smack before he could register what was happening.

he sat up and observed the mess she had made. “lick it up, bitch.”

“what?” she sat up in shock to look at him.

“i said lick it up. since you’re daddy’s princess, you have to do what daddy says.”

though he was just an elf, he was still scary, intimidating and had a murderous gleam in his plastic eyes, something that claire didn’t want to explore, given her reoccurring nightmare of being murdered in her sleep by a doll.

on her hands and knees now, she licked the trail of piss with her tongue off the carpet, attracting all types of gunk left in the carpet from her lack of vacuuming, before she was met face to face with the elf again.

she expected him to leave her a kiss, something she hadn’t had in ages, even in the time leading up to his death. she’d be lying if she said that what she had with kai was perfect, or anywhere near it, and as the last few months went by, the two hardly ever spoke.

instead, he leaned in, slow and carefully, noticing her wide eyes gazing back at him, and licked her eyeball. she flew back in surprise, clutching her teary eye with both hands. “what the fuck?” she cursed, screaming and sobbing in pain.

“i always wanted to try that when i was alive, baby. thanks for giving me the chance to live out my wildest fantasies.”

but the clock struck midnight. with a panicked look on kai’s elfy face, he scrambled to speak one last word, “wait!”

it was too late. his sopping, putrid, soggy elf body was lifeless on the floor, just as he had began. claire picked him up and chucked him at the wall again.

“fuck you!” she screamed as she beat him against the wall, over, and over, and over, until a big whole was left in the wall.

she stuffed him inside of it, and with a plaster repair kit she had been smart enough to purchase a few months back, she sealed him in there. she hoped she would never have to see his handsome, elf face ever again, no matter how much it pained her greatly.

moving on wasn’t for chumps. it was for survivors, and that’s who she was.

#ahs #evan peters fanfiction #american horror story #evan peters #evan peters x reader #fanfic #kai anderson smut #kai anderson x reader #kai anderson #ahs cult

[cyberdragoninfinity]

I would love to hear your Indigo Disk thoughts

YES!!!!!!! 💎🐢💥 full disclosure I only just finished Indigo Disk's main storyline like....less than 24 hours ago so I am still RIDING HIGH FROM THE RUSH OF IT ALL. will probably be spoilers ahead, as a head's up:

first off I love that like. right off the bat youre getting hit with cyrano and cavell old man yaoi. busting out the cute little nicknames like HELLO!!! AND then you have geeta showing up and rika is there for no reason whatsoever and it's like. well ok i think they were having lesbian activities on the plane over you love to see it!

anyway setting wise, the Big Ol Blueberry is pretty fun! I love running around and the Synchro Machine is SUCH a ridiculously fun feature (FINALLY, TRUE GAMING: Dana can run around as a Ninetales and smack a big ball around.) I love all the Unova callbacks and I LOVE THE DIFFERENT CLUB ROOM LAYOUTS!! The monochrome one made me tear up and SEEING THE FUCKIGN. POKESTAR STUDIOS ENEMIES. IN THE FUTURISTIC ONE. MADE ME FEEL SOMETHING. pokestar studios my beloved i miss it sooo much 😭 My buddy Snap was talkin about how the Terarium really kind of lacks... yknow, landmarks and points of interest, though, and god I agree so hard. I love that Kitakami had its own little set of interesting features and places to go and use as landmarks and the Terariuam kind of. Doesn't really have those. It's a bit of a pain in the ass to navigate and easy to get lost but not in a fun way.... even though you have these little neat natural features like The Pride Rock and Chargestone Caves, I wish we coulda had a little bit more :( For such a widely used part of the school it doesn't feel very 'lived' in by the students there. It would've been fun to see more gathering places aside from the Very Sterile Outside Classrooms.....

The Area Zero Underdepths, though...hooouughhHHHhhh. I just. I really have to admire the fact that Indigo Disk said "ohhh you want answers?? you wanna know what's going on in this place? fuck you, youre gonna have MORE questions after this, and theyre gonna be even CRAZIER ones." YOU GO IN THAT HOLE AND LEARN NOTHING AND IM NOT EVEN MAD ABOUT IT. GO LOOK AT THE CRYSTAL TREE DOWN THIS RANDOM PATHWAY. i neeeed to make a terapagos post sometime and talk more about it i cannot stop thinking about this little freak. POKEMON THAT SCARE ME A LITTLE I MUST SAY. POKEMON I DO NOT FEEL IN CONTROL OF. i Know they didnt make its charged terastal form look like a dream catcher for no reason. I Know its Stellar Form Looking Like That isnt for no reason. I know its borderline dangerous power and THAT LITTLE STUNT IT PULLS. AT THE CRYSTAL POOL. THAT'S INDICATIVE OF SOMETHING I THINK. >when Terapagos's cry was the sound Terastalizing has been making all fucking game. SCREAMS.

also again oh my god if you beat the main indigo disk storyline go to the crystal pool right now GO. GO FEEL SOMETHING. GO!!!!

ok well that's. less about setting and more about story though huh. well!! story wise, absolutely loved it! I know there was a lot of apprehension when the DLCs got more properly announced and we found out they didnt really center on Our Dear Paldea Friends as scarvio proper did, and yeah I definitely can see why that's a frustration and a deterrent for some (and I'm soo so excited to hang out with Nemona and Arven and Penny in the epilogue next month....peach time (: ) but for me in the end I'm really just so enamored and delighted with all the new friends you get to make in the DLC and they more than carry that little narrative's arc on its own. The Elite 4 of the BB League are all GREAT, they got nonstop autistic girls out here in gen 9 (nemona, amarys, briar ?!??!) and it ROCKS. and i LOVE Carmine so much, everyone always wants mean rivals and mean women and folks cant even handle Carmine 🙄 you can tell she genuinely has such a big heart and cares about her friends and her brother!!! and Kieran wahhh wahh kieran my newest Little Guy ;____;.... he is SO fourteen and I did not expect to go into the DLC getting really invested in a new character's arc but it's just GOOD. He REALLY feels like a loose yugioh character in Indigo Disk, he's so angry and obsessed with victory and ultimately under it all still capable of so much kindness and regret and he's just GOOD. And his champion battle was terrifying and a BLAST!! THE MUSIC RULES. HE EVEN HAD INCINEROAR.

god and all the music in Indigo Disk was a banger. gen 9 music save me. gen 9 music. save me gen 9 music.

i'm SUPER hyped to do more BBQs with my bestie and do more postgame stuff with the "hanging out with Gym Leaders" thing and the Legendary hunting and such... lots more to roll around in and have a good time with. All in all had just a great time with it, I genuinely might put Violet as my favorite Pokemon game of all time at this point! I do grow very sad thinking about just how even more fantastic this game couldve been if it had 1-3 more years to cook properly though, like..god damn. I was getting some LAG on those cutscenes, and I know I made out pretty alright in the bugs department!!

but for now i'll just be thinking about the shit that happens at the crystal pool for the rest of my life. also Indigo Disk gave me the best possible trainer ID photo i never need to change it again

#TY FOR ASKING!!!! i do love talking pokemon especially scarvio stuff theres so much to unpack #and oh god i gotta talk about that fucking turtle #asks #anonymous #scarvio spoilers / #indigo disk spoilers / #pokemon chattering

[hexleyelineo]

Top 10 Reasons Why Little Arroyo SUCKS.

The people.

They are?? Litrally the worst?? omg? theg arenso mean and like they dont even be nice to people? =/ its just kind of cringe and its not even normal because where i live now yiu cant beat peopel up and thats wierd to me becayse thats whst it wds like in little arroyo like all the time because yk. They were not nice? yeha theyre UNFREINDLY! 0/10!!!

2. BORING

Idk its just like realy small and theres nothing to do. like whoopie i can go make a pipe bomb. whatever? so can everybdy?? its just sand and trees and like houses sometimes and also everybodt is liek rlly releigiius and its all “wahh dont have fun wahh dont drink wahhh dont set things on fire wahhh” like ok jodie why dont u go tell ur bitch husband not to set things on fire with ur stepdaughter and then we can talk about my so called “arson” 🙄🙄

3. laws

idk the police officers there were relly cute when i was arrested a few times but thenlaws therre r too relaxed like yeah idkk i dont see why i got arrested for steling an egg but my dad didnt grt arredted for our games cause i dont fhink they were legal

4. people continued

theyr kind of racist and also homphobic. i didnt even kiss any boys yet and they were rly mad at me like for why?? Like idid latee but not yet u know?? =| also im rly pale so i was white passing enoufh to avoud mean comment but my friens who were darkenr than me got yeleld at all the tiem. I bit the people who yelled at them it was fun. Die die die die. just like jerma would have wanted

5. Idk

idk i didnt think thei far ahead it just suxks

6. bad

no wifi the internet out there sucks i coukd barely uplod to youtube when i snucked onto fhe coloputer

7. no dinosaur bones

i dug ablot of holes and bever found any dinosaur bones so yeah it suxked because dimosaura are realky cool lol

8. ummmm no like good food

i liek spicy food but because it was kidnd of self govurned we never got like wendys or anything so i had to eat beries a lot which was ok but the mintiness of blurberries was kind od a lot sometimes

9. glass

Thers broke glass lime everywhere all the time so when u got urbshoes taken away then u had to walk onnit to go to the doggie house to sleep and it hurt but my docktor sais they got all of it out they think so we should be good

10. Name doesnt make swnse

little arroyo? what little arroyo? theres no arroyo. the nerest river is like sevral miles into the mountins. stuoid name honestly they shoukd have named it no arroyo pero hay mucha gente estúpida ugh

#little arroyo hate post

[whatbloglol]

Ok so… I’m not a writer. And I’m not an artist. But I have this memory of a time and place in my life that I would like to get back to, so I’m going to try my hand at describing the place/feeling with words and maybe one of my experiences there. Here goes…

The summer heat was never as bad when I was a child. As a young body of about 7 to 9 years old, my energy and endurance were near boundless. Eyes bright and cheeks ruddy, I was glad to start another day at the horse farm that my grandaunt -and-uncle owned up in the small town of Fairfield, Illinois.

My mamaw had supposedly grown up in the area—I’ll have to remember to ask her about it later for confirmation—and I can only imagine what that must’ve been like. Papaw tells me that when he was my age, “you could sit all day and watch the road and not see a single car go by.” I remember laughing, giddy with the opportunity to tease him. “That’s because cars weren’t even INVENTED yet!” I didn’t look at him. I don’t know if I was right or not… that’s just how we expressed familial love at the time. We teased each other, sometimes self deprecating in the process. His own mother, before she passed away, used to say that when G-d said “Let there be Light,” she was there to flip the switch.

But I digress…

Me, a bright-eyed, ruddy-cheeked, tough little pony-tailed tomboy standing on top of the hill in front of the farm house… ready to see what new trouble I could get into.

I peeked down the hill at a small plastic drainage pipe that stuck out from the slope, looking for the massive bullfrog that I knew lived there. I had caught sight of him yesterday after we arrived, and resolved to myself that I would catch him before the few days we planned to spend there were over. And sure enough, there he was, sitting his massive butt on the edge of the drainage pipe, water trickling slowly from under him. I knew that if I could sneak up behind him and block his escape back into the pipe, he was mine. There was no else for him to go, the grass around the pipe short from having been mowed recently, and no other holes close enough to hide in. Slowly… silently… not unlike a ninja or a tarantula stalking its prey, my pink sparkly jellie shoes traversed the distance. He flinched. He shifted his position a little. I froze. Did he see me? No, not yet. I crept forward again, preparing to strike not at the frog himself, but at the hole buried in the hill. A smart one, I thought I was, having the intelligence to learn after a previously failed attempt that the real challenge was beating him to the hole. Another shift. It was now or never. I took one more half step and leapt low into the air, aiming to come down above the hole to cover it with my hands.

It didn’t work… the half step was too much and he saw me. As I landed, my hands covered the front of the hole, trapping him inside. But he was too far in there for me to see, let alone reach, and I knew better than to stick my hands into dark holes. Dang it… maybe he’ll come back out in a few hours.

Time passes and there are plenty of things to see and do on the farm. Sure, breeding and selling horses was where their money came from, but they were a bit homestead-y as well, with chickens, goats, peacocks, fishing pond, and a Great Pyrenees livestock guardian dog named “Dusty” that lived with his little long-haired chihuahua-mix partner “Dagwood” in the crawlspace under the house. Dusty was sweet but preferred the company of the other animals. Dagwood was feisty and high-energy, barking and trotting circles around the two of us as I scooped some dry dog food into their bowls. Taking a couple of handfuls of the smelly pellets for myself and stuffing then into my pockets, I ambled on down the hill and towards the fishing pond.

I passed by the wooden picnic tables set up at the bottom of the hill, shaded by several trees where the adults sat and chatted. There were a lot of family members here that I didn’t know, amongst aunts and uncles and cousins that had come with me on the RV ride over. “Didja get ‘im yet, Charli?” I looked over to see a thin, yet pear-shaped woman with tan skin, short cut-off jeans, a tank top, and a pixie-type hair cut sitting in a lawn chair with her legs crossed. My grandaunt Virginia, trying (and succeeding) to look younger than she was. In hindsight, the farm life was good for her. It kept her in shape. Words like “thin” and “tan” really didn’t run in my side family, with most of those who sired me being more on the side of “portly” and “pasty.” Mamaw and Papaw were sitting close by, chuckling a little at me as I shrugged my shoulders towards her, letting my arms and head hang to exaggerate the body language of defeat. She took a slow drag from her cigarette and blew it quickly into the air, flicking the ash onto the ground beside her. She chuckled along with her sister and brother-in-law. “Better luck next time!” I nodded solemnly to her as I grabbed a cane pole from a nearby tool shed.

The edge of fishing pond was only a several meters away from the back of the shed. I stood between the two spots, out of sight of the adults at the picnic tables. On the left side of the pond were two big, beautiful willow trees standing on either side of a drainage hole, no doubt there to keep the pond from overflowing when it rained. Not that I understood things like that at the time… What I DID know in that moment were two things. First, that it was NOT as cool as it might seem to hide and play under the leaves of a willow tree, because it was absolutely full of the blood-sucking types of bugs that would make my skin an itchy, miserable mess. Second, dog food is pretty decent fish bait.

On the left side of the pond was a dock, jutting out towards the middle, with a large plastic bucket sitting atop it. I jogged over to it and knelt down to the water, digging in my pocket and throwing a small handful of dog food out into the water. Nearby. I sat, silent and cross-legged on the edge for a minute or two while I watched the fish in the pond hungrily gobble up my offering. Perfect. I emptied my pockets into a little pile beside me on the dock.

I learned this trick on my first visit here last year from one of the local country boys that would come by and hang out with us. Nothing better to do in a small town than to be neighborly, I guess. With a single piece of dog food between two fingers, I dipped it into the water and counted to fifteen, then brought it back up. I wasn’t here to catch the big fish like my dad and uncle were trying to do from their lawn chairs at the deep end of the pond. I was here to catch the “brim.” They were smaller than the quarry the adults were after, but very quintessentially fish-like, complete with fins, gills, side-facing eyeballs… the whole works. I didn’t know it at the time, but as an adult I later found out that they were Bluegill. Or at least maybe they were related to them? Because they weren’t very blue…

Anyway! Don’t let me get too side-tracked, now. After about fifteen seconds of soaking a single piece of dog food, it was just soft enough that I was able to thread it onto the hook without it falling apart. And now, the fun part… swinging that line out into the same area as the previous offering, knowing that my little victims were still hungry. Fishing for brim was easy and fun. It didn’t require a lot of money or patience… perfect for a child. Within mere seconds I felt a little vibration and then a light tugging. I pulled up on the pole, and… voila! A fish! It flopped and squirmed, no doubt confused by the thin feeling air, of dryness, of gravity, of the warm (perhaps burning?) feeling of the sun-drenched wooden dock as I held it down gently with my foot to remove the hook. It was no-doubt terrified, having been so rudely extracted from the only existence it’s ever known—a place where it moved freely and effortlessly in just about any direction it wanted, picking and pecking at whatever it fancied as food. But of course that’s not something I had the mental capacity fathom as I grabbed it by its bottom lip and tossed its body into the water-filled bucket beside me. The adults set this up for some unknown reason… called it a “live-well.” I wasn’t sure what that meant, but if they didn’t dry out and die, and I didn’t have to throw them back in, I was satisfied.

The bucket was always mysteriously empty if I ever left and came back to it. I found out later that one of the adults would collect the bucket and replace it with another one. Whilst I was busy chasing chickens, getting bopped in the head by a goat I tried to milk, or grabbing handfuls of weeds to hand-feed the horses that would come up to me at the edge of the hotwire fence that kept us safely separated, the adults would take the fish the kids caught and chop them up into pieces to bait the trotline. And a trotline, I found out later, is a long rope with larger fishing hooks hanging down from it in intervals. My dad and uncles would bait these hooks with the cut up pieces of the smaller fish and stretch the line across the deep end of the pond. After a while, they’d lift it up to see what they had caught: enough catfish for the fish fry we ate for dinner that same evening.

In confidence, my Papaw told me later: “Don’t tell anybody you caught your fish with dog food. Some of them around here think that if you catch them with dog food, that THEY are eating dog food, too.”

**Not really the end but I’m tired of writing now. What do y’all think?**

#childhood memory #small town #farm #fishing #horse farm #first time writing #chasing frogs #life in the country #tell me what you think #aunts and uncles #family #grandparents

[cosyefficient]

Indoor Plant Guide

All indoor house plants like some morning bright sun on them, warm soil and TO BE LEFT ALONE AND IN PEACE. They need to be watered, fertilized and, repotted of course, but perhaps less than you think. No plant can survive with 0 sunlight. If you have no windows in your indoor space that you wanna add plants to, I suggest getting grow lights or doing fake plants.

Here is a list I'm working on about indoor house plants; Short, Sweet, Straight-forward.

The plants that go on this list are my personal faves and I recommend. If you have any questions about any of these please let me know about it in the comments. I will be adding and changing the order of these as I see fit.

------------------------------------------------------------

#1 Pothos

Super easy to grow. Grows vines, you can spread them onto a wall or have them hanging from somewhere up above. Doesn't need lots of direct sunlight. Easy to propagate. Loves to grow big roots in water, water loving plant in general. Don't worry about drowning it (if the pot has drainage. Can tolerate some draught too. Can tolerate darker and colder places. Best plant to start with if you're new to plants. There's many different looks for pothos, there are variegated types with pretty patterns on the leaves for those of you who are into that. -----------------------------------------------------------

#2 PEACE LILYYYYY <3

I found one some years ago IN THE TRASH at the apartment complex we lived in. There were no leaves only stubs :( The soil and roots were so moldy, poor thing. I cleaned her up and now it's one of my biggest plants and it is so lush! Flowers these white rubber flowers that last a real long time. Loves the sun. Can tolerate not having direct sun (might grow slow tho). Prefers a wide bowl-like pot. Loves chugging water every once in a while. Can't do under 4°C, cell walls burst. Loves when people look at her and brush past. Bouncy big leaves. Nice, cool plant. 10/10.

---------------------------------------------------------

#3 String of Hearts

Grows quickly, likes direct sunlight. Cute skinny vines, looks like little wires with heart shaped leaves. Maybe not for beginners but it isn't very difficult to grow. Easy to propagate in water: Cup with water + A sunny windowsill + Some time undisturbed = Roots and new growth. Got mine for valentine's day for my boyfie (it was actually 4 me).

----------------------------------------------------------- #4 Snake Plant

Sometimes I see these in dark natural light conditions and I'm always amazed at how they can still grow. They can sure take a beating too. (I'm thinking of the countless mall snake plant containers I have seen along the years. Broken pieces, under a ceilings with no skylights or nearby windows.) I have one that is really long and I have to stalk it up or else it flops over. Maybe it's just the kind I have.

#5 Banana Tree

Ok, hear me out. - Big leaf - Vibes - Sculptural - Tropical - Birds of paradise dupe

I have a red banana type in a big black bin (tall round trash bin I drilled some holes underneath). Gotta cut down the leaves some times. Stems are full of water. Likes lots of sun so has to be near a sunny window. Can get real big. It's a tree afterall. No bananas.

#plants #indoor plants #interiordesign #interior design #plant styling

[thefinalcinderella]

Tsurune Book 3 Prologue

Damn I can’t believe Book 3 is actually going to be a thing...

I hope they don’t pull that “theater bonus short story booklet” thing like they did for violet evergarden

Also translating this prologue reminded me how much I hate researching obscure kyudo and shinto stuff aaaaah even koukyuu no karasu wasn’t this bad and I’m pretty sure the author made some stuff up for that one

Glossary here

Full list of translations here

Translation Notes

1. A kanmuri is a cap worn by Shinto clergy

2. A sakaki is a species of evergreen sacred to Shinto

3. Ok this was hard to look up but by 7-5-3, it means wrapping 7 pieces of rattan together around a bow, and then wrapping 5 pieces, and then wrapping 3. By the way, apparently you need permission to use this bow

4. Hamayumi refers to a bow that can repel evil

5. A ridgepole-raising ceremony is performed after the framework of the house is finished. A priest comes to do the ceremony and a symbolic depiction of a drawn bow is aimed in the evil direction to drive off evil

6. To be specific, men and women who were born in a year with the same Zodiac sign as the current year

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A white dragon was spanning the sky.

The footprints of wild rabbits were etched into the shining snow, and while many trees on the mountains were shedding their leaves, red nandina berries were swaying under evergreen leaves. This place was usually quiet, with only the chirping of birds and familiar faces passing by, but on this particular day, there was a procession of people.

It was a small shrine in the town. The middle schooler Minato had came here for the Setsubun Festival. Setsubun was an event to get rid of evil spirits and welcome fortune before the beginning of spring.

Shuu and Seiya, his fellow first years who were also in the Kirisaki kyudo club, were there as well. Like the people who couldn’t wait for the start of the festival, the three couldn’t hide their excitement. While keeping a proper distance, they proceeded to stake out a spot for themselves.

“I throw beans every year at my house, but this is the first time I’m going to a festival like this.”

Seiya’s cheeks loosened at those child-like eyes that were filled with curiosity.

“That’s right. I could hear your loud voice saying ‘Demons out, fortune in’ even at my house, Minato.”

“Oh, you could hear me? I knew Kuma was reacting to it.”

Kuma was Seiya’s family’s dog. When it sensed Minato, it would look out from the hole in the hedge and wait, waving its tail wildly on the other side of the hedge. It seemed that it desperately wanted to play with him. Apparently, Kuma thought of Minato as a brother.

Shuu, who was on the other side of Minato, was muttering, Demons out, demons out.

Seiya narrowed his eyes.

“Shuu, were you saying that to me just now?”

“Sorry. Me of all people accidentally leaked out my true thoughts. You always follow Minato whenever I invite him somewhere.”

“It’s useless to try to get rid of me. Besides, Minato can be absentminded sometimes, so I couldn’t let him be impolite towards the son of the Fujiwara family. I have to keep an eye on him.”

“It’s not something worth bothering the second son of the Takehaya family.”

“No, no, don’t be so reserved.”

Sandwiched between a young lord and a knight, the commoner Minato was overwhelmed. Their exchanges were always like this. The fact that Shuu, who wasn’t interested in people very much, reacted this much might be proof that those two got along well.

Lured by the lively atmosphere, even the birds began to chirp in high-pitched voices. He wondered if his eyes were going bad. The area around himseemed hazy. The sound of bells being shaken by a shrine maiden echoed, and a figure appeared out of the haze. A priest, wearing a kanmuri (1) and a bright costume of lapis lazuli and scarlet, headed toward the main shrine. Once inside the main shrine, he recited a ritual prayer and waved a sakaki (2) at the worshippers surrounding him.

“The performance of the ‘meigen ceremony’ will begin now,” an announcement said.

Minato asked Shuu, “What’s a ‘meigen’?”

“You’ll understand once you see it.”

People with bows went up the stage. They drew their bowstrings about thirty centimeters and released them.

Twang, twang, twang.

When the sound echoed, he felt as if his previously hazy field of vision was clearing up. The vibration, which resembled the sound of a koto, wiped away the impurities that covered his body.

“The meigen ceremony is a ceremony of drawing a bowstring without nocking an arrow to exorcise evil spirits and impurities. It has been handed down since the Heian period. In the imperial ‘dokusho meigen ceremony,’ an unlacquered plain wooden bow and a souikyuu bow with rattan wrapped around it in a seven, five, and three pattern (3), and the ceremony is said to be performed while reading the Kojiki and other ancient texts.”

“Bows sure are closely related to Shinto, huh. Like the Hamayumi and stuff.” (4)

“It’s because bows are religious tools. There are lots of ways to use the bow, such as horseback archery where you shoot at targets from a running horse, or the ridgepole-raising ceremony (5) when you’re building a house, where you display a bow and arrow pointing towards the northeast, the unlucky direction.”

“As expected of Shuu, you know a lot about bows.”

“It’s because I love Japan.”

Minato recalled a scene in Zen in the Art of Archery, when Eugen Herrigel became a disciple of Awa-hanshi, he drew a bowstring and let it ring out as the beginning of purification and exorcism.

The book described the days of the German philosopher Eugen Herrigel and Awa Kenzou-hanshi, a master archer who was known as the Bow Saint, and they were master and disciple. Herrigel aspired to be a mystic and chose kyudo as the gateway. What he meant by mysticism was the embodiment of liberation, or enlightenment through Zen. Awa-hanshi showed the embodiment of mysticism with the superhuman feat, the “target in the darkness,” in which two arrows were shot in the dark, the first piercing the target and the second also piercing the target while shattering the nock of the first arrow and tearing down its shaft.

Did Herrigel also experience bean-throwing? Did he view it as a strange custom?

At the signal of the taiko drums, men and women (6) lined up at the main shrine. When they shouted “Demons out, fortune in” and throwing the beans, people’s arms moved along with that motion. The sound of scattering beans chased the demons away. Minato and his friends reached out their hands to catch the beans.

Suddenly, the image of his deceased mother flashed across Minato’s mind, and he gently gripped his gloved hands.

——Mom, these are my bow friends. Can you see them?

Have I fulfilled my promise?

Cylindrical clouds, like bellows, continued to stream from the east to the faraway, distant west.

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#tsurune #tsurune translation

[neonhairspray]

Tonight's dream was *chef's kiss*, because it had an interesting concept & some very cool characters. Let me explain:

I had a hard choice to make & I think it was between staying with a man that wanted to marry me & start a family OR breaking up & moving in with my friend, trying to heal my broken heart & soul. I say "I think", because I do not remember the very beginning of it tho I know that something happened, but I forgot it.

At first I could clearly see that I had chosen to stay with the guy who wanted to marry me. Ewan enters the stage, he was that guy. We lived in one of those old houses that in 1800 or so belonged to a wealthy family & it was made into apartment in recent times. You do not share anything with other inhabitants except for a hallway and a common entrance. I hope you get the picture?

Our place looked lovely & there was a garden outside our windows, different trees and bushes as well as a few old gazebos that were not in the best condition. Sometimes Ewan would get very sad, it felt as if he was very traumatized by something. I remeber having him in my arms, stroking his hair and whispering that it's ok, I'm here. He was very loving, actually. Such a selfless and sincere guy (I know there was a moment when he said "You finish first, you are the priority" and....) However, he wanted to start a family so bad. He even cried & went to a garden outside, saying that he never had a normal family & all he wants is to have one of his own. To have babies.

There's a hole after this episode as I do not remember anything more, but the next image is him, sitting by the same window & holding a child in his hands. Rocking the little bundle slowly & looking in awe. But then there is me... and I feel so miserable. This man that I love & that human he's looking at, so enamored... It's like they are so distant & the whole image is even a bit disgusting to me (why?? I have no idea...) I remember feeling defeated. The last thing that had stayed in my memory is that I was sitting with that baby, Ewan kissing my shoulder while saying "thank you for this life you've given birth to"... but me wanting him to shut up, tears coming to my eyes. I know I was thinking that how strange it is that we never met our neighbors tho. Two apartments were taken & I've heard voices as well as people coming in and out, but never seen them...

Then! My memory cuts to a very similar apartment tho not as spacious & probably with more small spaces instead of big one. I am in what appears to be my room, laying on a big bed with closed curtains & face damp from crying. It's dark and I am feeling so low & hopeless... An unknown woman with a bubbly personality opens the door and says something like "angel, you need to eat". I guess she's my flatmate? Cue to her laughing in her room (a tiny one) as she says we should have to go upstairs & visit our neighbors. Which probably means we were living on the first floor & they had an apartment in the attic. I agreed and we meet two older ladies who are widows & living together in this small, but very cozy place. They have a big window, floor to the ceiling, and the view is quite interesting: there are a few big trees, another apartment complex & a shop (now... this does not sound logic, because we only see a small park outside our windows & it does not seem like there are more houses around, but that's a dream so f*ck the logic lol). They say that they have their evening tea and watch outside the window, it's their favorite activity. We get along very well & I know that we develop a habit of helping them a bit: my flatmate brings them newspapers and fresh bread every morning whereas I buy groceries for them once or twice a week.

Later a guy starts helping me out while buying groceries & I start developing feelings for him. I don't see his face, but the feeling is so.. I don't know how else to describe it, it's like something is blooming inside of me. What is worse is that he's the grandson of one of the ladies & they somehow know about the feelings I'm developing. Me? I'm trying to push these feelings away, because I'm convinced that it's one sided & it would only bring me pain. Then there's a blank space once again as I don't remember anything and the next memory is that I am writing about how I'm feeling about the guy in my notebook when the lovely flatmate asks me to help her with something. After that I come to my room & there he sits, with his jeans only & a towel on his shoulders... the guy I'm developing feelings for. I see his face for the first time and it's no other than my local dude Arnas. Worst part? He's looking at me while holding that notebook in his hands. I swear I could feel my heart dropping to my feet, a cold sweat running through my spine... because he'd read what I have written. About him. Even in the dream it felt horrible... Somehow I ask him why is he there & he says that there's no hot water in his grandma's apartment tho he was ready to go to shower. So the old lady asked him to go to our flat and ask if we have the same problem. Yet I still stay there, horrified and ashamed that he found out about my feelings. But to my surprise he smiles, comes closer & slowly hugs me in a way that I can feel his whole body (I know I felt his firm chest with my nipples despite the fact that I had a t shirt on). And from there things develop very quickly (he undresses me, telling that he's sorry for reading that page, but at the same time he's grateful, because he's been thinking about me almost all the time). I find myself under him, thinking that his skin is so soft & even physically feeling him... well, going at it. Last things I remember are him, looking me in the eye and asking "Ar tau viskas gerai?" (are you ok?) and "neskauda? ar tau patogu?" (does it hurt? are you comfortable?) *

It's kinda funny that he spoke to me in our language since I never hear it in my dreams.

The craziest part: The reason I didn't see my neighbors when I was living my life with Ewan is because... it was me living with the flatmate & older ladies upstairs. A. k. a. my life if I had chosen to end things with Ewan. Basically living my parallel life next door to myself, in an alternate universe. I mean... 👀

*p. s. this specific part made me kinda emotional & I know exactly why... but I won't elaborate on this.

p. s. 2. No, but it would really make an interesting movie scenario!

#i'm still feeling the aftermath of this dream... #and specific emotions #this was wild to be honest #personal

[potroasttheghostdog]

Being on the spectrum, and having weird interests is actually crazy sometimes. Just scratching an itch leads you down an hours long rabbit hole of discovery and wikipedia pages. For me, one of my more mundane interests is fruits, plants, and botany.

I was eating an orange. Just chilling, while feeding my dog. I wondered what my favorite orange (cara cara) was a crossbreed from (it's *gotta* be blood and navel right it's so tasty but distinct from other oranges, can't be a valencia the color's not right!)

So I looked it up. Turns out, there's like 600 of these bastards. Well let's fucking read about all of them.

Oh Ermelo's orange. That sounds weird. What's that.

Oh it's just called that because takes its name from 'Ermelo', a parish in Arcos de Valdevez Municipality, Portugal. It was introduced to the region by Cistercian monks in the 12th century, but it is sweeter than the average orange. Oh, but it's on The Ark of Taste.

What the fuck is that.

Well, turns out it's kinda like the Endagered Wildlife registry, but for sustainably sourced heritage foods and local cuisines. They see local foods as tantamount to cultural landmarks that should be preserved and foods go on the list if they are either impotant orbrelevant to a specific culture or ethnoregion, or are in danger of dying out whether from extinction or a fading cultural relevancy. They urge the perpetuation of their existence by encouraging their continued consumption. This includes foodstuffs like fruit from extremely specific regions, breads, cheeses, and even certain breeds of livestock that meat comes from.

Here's some fun ones: classic mortadella of all things (because it originates in Italy and has been a staple of their cuisine for centuries) cuccalar (a specific type of italian bread) casu marzu (a gross kind of cheese, do not google if you have a weak stomach) carosello (an italian melon), Lake Michigan Whitefish, Gravenstein Apples, Mayhaw jelly, bogong moths, and bunya nuts. They have things on the list from all over the world and it's actually really gratifying knowing that someone somewhere can see whatever random little thing you have and see everywhere, is valued, because it represemts a culture that not everyone has. I've had Lake Michigan whitefish. I consider it just a fish. But it's on a list of important culture for the US that should be conserved for the sake of culture, and that's kind of eye opening.

The Ark of Taste is run by Slow Food.

Ok. What the fuck is that.

Turns out it's an international org dedicated to preserving cultural foodstuffs that also emphasizes sustainability by supporting eating, growing, and traditional cooking local foods. Think Audobon but for cheese.

What was I reading about? Oh right, oranges. Oh the chocolate orange has a 12 Brix.

Ok.

What the fuck is a Brix.

Turns out Degrees Brix (°Bx) is the measure of dissolved solids in liquids and aqueous solutions, but is used to measure sugar content in foods and juices in common. So like Scoville scale but for sugar. Honey, soda, wine, sugar, fruit juice, fruits, and maple syrup use it to measure their sugar content. There's also some other scales that are used for sugar measuring. The Plato Scale (°P) is used in brewing, The Oechsle Scale used on german and swiss wine, and the Balling Scale, which is the oldest and not commonly used anymore.

What was I reading about? Oh yeah oranges.

Oh Smith Red Valencia. Sounds sultry.

It's a pigmented bud sport of the valencia orange tree.

K.

What's a bud sport.

Turns out a bud sport is any kind of sudden morphological difference growing from a plant caused by genetic mutation. Like when a dwarf pine starts growing foliage branches that are morpholigically identical to a regular pine. You ever notice how sometimes your christmas tree, if you get a live one, has irregular branches where they grow out longer than normal, and the needles are a bit different than the rest of the tree? Bud sport. Neat. Oh it's night time.

What was I reading about? Oh yeah. Oranges.

Yeah turns out I was right, cara caras are the hybrid of blood and navels. Knew it. Also, apparently oranges aren't even the original thing. They started out as a hybrid between pomelos and mandarins. Also, also, apparently fruit genomes have "moms and dads", i.e. the chloroplast genome is considered the "maternal line" of a fruit's ancestry. The orange's chloroplast genome comes from pomelos, meaning pomelos are the orange's "mother".

Also---

#adhd #autism #fruit #orange #wikipedia

[pandoramusicbox]

I know I have posted this on other platforms, but perhaps not here.

Here is the information on the Angelics

Very specifically the stone tree Angelics

Also known as the A-holes. There’s actually a rather wide range of Angelics. They can fly so they get around.

Ok ok, the stone tree Angelics are not that bad, though I do have a bingo card for them filled out.

They are isolationist who live in the stone trees, they believe in purity and have rather rigged gender and social roles. Their society is one based around the idea of moral and physical perfection. With the greatest purpose of life is to strive to be a master of yourself and your world. A bit like the stoicism of Rome married to the renaissance man.

They are well known for their excellent metallurgy. Crafting gorgeous jewelry, silverware, cookery, armor and weapons that are delicate and durable. They weave clothing too. It’s called feather weaving and is often traded to the neptonians of the neptonian empire. Traditionally the cloth is woven from material gathered from a Cotten like flower that grows on the slopes of the stone trees, or the striped bark of the wind willow that also grows in the stone trees. Nowadays the angelics trade for a wide variety of threads and dyes. These weavings often tell a story of sorts, though reading these woven stories are an art form of its own.

Thier language is read on a similar way, though is written out on long scrolls, once made from cloth but nowadays made from paper. Read from left to right it’s taught to all their children, poetry is very valuable and taught as well. Their poetry is so complex that it is often used in torshii to communicate secret messages

Another reason poetry is valued is because it’s part of the traditional flirting rituals. Along with song. Someone good at singing is considered very attractive.

Gender role wise ( let’s see if I can remember off the top of my head)

-males: leaders, head of the family, hunters and warriors, cooks, law makers.

-females: architects, archers, archives, cleaners, scholars, prepers, councilors.

- both: weavers, child rearing, metallurgy, scribes, magician.

If I where to describe the architecture of the stone tree Angelics I would call it a strange mixture of perpendicular gothic, saint basils cathedral in Moscow. Moorish architecture in Spain and last but not least Native American pueblos.

They are also related to harpies, grip, and griffons.

This page also has some general information on their biology. Things like that they have waterproof feathers, their bones are hollow, they have two lines of eyelashes. Though this is true of all thier cousins species as well.

Though thier ears are quite neat, they are able to fold up like a morning glory or seashell when flying, it keeps thier hearing i tacked and prevents frostbite/ wind burn as they tuck the ears into thier hair.

Their toes are longer than those of humans and able to grasp things. They have feathers covering their shoulders and back and their hair is actually feathers, though of a very downy sort. They grow feathers all along their back, under their arms, and sometimes along their necks. In winter it tends to grow all along the arms and the upper legs.

Among the stone tree Angelics they tend to pluck the feathers that grow everywhere that isn’t the wings and head. They also crop off the small tails that Angelics are naturally born with. Though they are not the only Angelics that do this.

Their eyesight is also interesting as they have a sort of tinted vision where the top portion of their vision is tinted a yellowish hue. And acts as sunglasses preventing glare. So things get dark if they look up but brighter it they look down. This dose also unfortunately mean that they are essentially blind in the night. They do have very sharp vision able to spot small things at great distances and adjust the focus of things in their eyesight. They are also able to see more colors than humans as they have one more cone in their eye for color. They call this color ib and when mixed with red light is called sant.

That bit up top about the angelic being related to the holly is true too. Their closest relatives are harpies, but millenniums ago there was a handful of Hollies and harpies who lived together the magical offspring eventually became the angelic.

The many nobles of the stone tree Angelics often have multiple wings.

#worldbuilding #pandoramusicbox #worldbuildingculture #fantasy creature #angelic #angel #angelkin #angel wings

[jayclan]

(I got three of these camps from @thelaketerritories and if not ok to use I’ll delete ^^ all but one which is from clangen.)

The camps

Jayclan camp

Living in peace with nature, Jayclan live in the forest. Sometimes, mist covers the camp and at night little lightning bugs flutter around camp creating beautiful small flickers of light.

Rippleclan camp

A camp located near the creek, with a giant tree as their only source of shade. Rippleclan love to sunbathe in camp and teach the young kits to swim in the water near camp.

Stoneclan camp

Located in a quarry, Stoneclan are kind of hidden from others. Their dens are holes made in the walls. A fallen tree is the elders den which was hollowed out many moons ago for cats to live in.

Flowerclan camp

A camp in a field of beautiful flowers. Behind the Tallrock and Medicine Den is a giant tree that has a hollowed out spot at the top where the leader sleeps. Flowerclan decorates their dens with different flowers.

#clangen #camps #Jayclan #Rippleclan #Flowerclan #Stoneclan

[crackedmarrow]

Two of cups// soulmate energy

Oh I love for soulmate energy. I say you can have soulmates and you can have life partners. I’m highly aware of. My soulmates and they see me to. It’s just sad that when it come to the two of cups someone is either not ready or when they are it’s something. You accept it don’t try and fix it unless it’s something bad. I remember once I thought I had two of cups energy thought it was a soulmate it was someone wearing a mask. A liar everything I said came true they told me who they were. It lead to some abusive shit but I don’t completely blame them. I would never bring it up around the person because why would I? I don’t even speak to the person but I know this person has s connection to me still because web they try and come back. Little things in there life shows me everyday they didn’t forget who I am and what I was to them. I do however wonder from time to time do they ever think about what it could of been. I rarely think about it because I’ve forgotten the person I see them in other people sometimes. More mature and sophisticated mature and all still kinda an ASS hole though. Blunt and honest when they aren’t lying to boost their ego family oriented and full of despair. I think that’s the person who broke me and the person who broke me energy still effects me in a way because of something else. I don’t lie I don’t withhold it either but I think ever sense then that’s when I lost me in a way… I never truly recovered. I never stop fighting against it though. I’m crying because how do I fix me where do I start and how can that one severe thing be forgotten. It wasn’t the abuse but it was the lose of part of me. My baby image follows me around like a friendly helpful ghost. I can’t tell people that. No one can understand why I don’t trust anything. I try and be optimistic but it’s always something lurking. I constantly think about being forever alone closed off from the world but what a waste of talents.I wish for a clean slate. I’ll cry myself to sleep in hopes of being forgiven to myself because I was not wrong but because I was right and I lied to myself. What do I really feel right now?! Am I ok was I ever ok ? My tears cooling my warm face and forcing me to fall under the near death spell of sleep. Hoping to wake up free of pain and illusions. I hate going in to hermit mode but like a crab it provides safety and shelter to a wounded soldier who was in combat for the one thing that mattered love. Never wondered until idk forever so I guess I lied I always wondered why was I not good enough to have something good. I speak of worthy and honor but why can’t that be seen why must I fight for it to be seen? Why must the ones I try to help pull me down in to the depths of the unknown tortures of the sea of emotions why must I constantly be lied to and why do I not believe I can be loved. I see it but why is it that. I am my grandmother I am my mother I am my great grand mother I am images of all these strong women I am my aunt I am sadé I am me and I still can’t seem to find the answers because they aren’t true but why do I feel like that? Why is my forever question “ but why?” Why do people come to me? Why or what do they want from me. Why am I crutch a safety net or character development? Why do people do me the way the do me and leave me to rest and rot and turn in to dirt buried in a dead tree? Why am I here again? When do i to get to enjoy a moment of life and love. I share I care and I give yet I get nothing but confusion and mock ups of what live and life should be never the thing. I don’t belong anywhere. I don’t even seek death because even that to can lead to another war or more confusion or regret. I pain myself with thinking I can’t be stupid though just to be happy I can’t pretend I won’t pretend.