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aftgandotherbooks · 3 years

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First time Neil cries in front of the foxes- Aaron

Aaron’s experience in witnessing Neil cry for the first time is quite different, and much more… passionate and confusing? You see, besides having Nicky take the twins in, and obviously having Katelyn in his life, Aaron hadn’t had much experience with kindness. Not many people have shown him what kindness is like, and thus he doesn’t know how to be kind. Which explains his asshole attitude

For Neil, until he met the Foxes, he had never experienced true kindness from anyone he considers family, or just anyone at all really. His perceived experience of kindness was the fierce and harsh protection his mother gave him. Aaron can relate to this as well with having his brother and his questionable means of protection.

One day Neil was in the library after Kevin’s 30-minute rant of why he has to actually try to pass his classes to be able to play exy.

He was sat at a computer trying to do the research for his psychology paper on the history of the DSM and how diagnosis of mental illness has progressed over the years.

Aaron, who also had a bio exam to study for was in the library trying to find a good spot to camp out for a few hours trying to wrap his head around the many factors of the nervous system.

After almost 8 months of joint therapy with his brother, he learned many things about himself, his brother… and unfortunately of Neil. One was Neil was fiercely protective of Andrew, as much as Andrew hates loves it. Aaron respects that.

It’s because of this begrudging respect, when Aaron saw Neil in the corner of the library hunched over a computer, he decided to sit next to Neil and pack out all his books and start studying.

Aaron had it all planned out, he was going to get through the parasympathetic nervous system the first hour and then move on to the sympathetic nervous system the next so that he can avoid falling behind with his meticulously made study schedule.

That is until he looked at Neil’s computer on what he was researching.

You see, Katelyn wants to be a neurosurgeon one day and has done a few psychology courses already. Aaron always loved listening to her passionate rants about mental illness and how completely unfairly the medical system had been treating and stigmatising those suffering with mental illness over the years and still today. Aaron himself has gotten very passionate about the topic.

So, seeing Neil who was completely oblivious to Aaron sitting next to him while trying to understand the journal articles he’s finding on mental illness and huffing every few seconds when not understanding half of what they say, Aaron kept an eye on him

After 5 minutes of Neil not moving past the same highlighted sentence, Aaron made a decision.

Aaron sighed as if trying to be nice is the worst chore he’s ever had to do, he said “the null is that’s there’s no difference between the two variables. You want to reject that there’s no difference”

Neil jumped, only then noticing Aaron as the person who was sat next to him. He raised his eyebrows. “What?”

Aaron rolled his eyes, “in the results section, where it says the research null hypothesis for the study was rejected, it means that what they were trying to find… was proven to be found in the study they conducted. That’s good, that’s what you want to hear.”

Aaron was… actually being helpful… kind…for once. Neil furrowed his eyebrows and read the sentence he’s been stuck on for the last 5 minutes again. And. Lightbulb moment.

It finally made sense! He clicked back to the other tabs of articles he’s been trying to figure out and it was like he just figured out a whole new language.

“Um… yeah thanks, that… actually helped a lot.” Neil said, refusing to look at Aaron.

“Yeah well… Katelyn’s been chatting my ears off after doing psychology stats last year” Aaron said, looking back to his own work.

Neil took a minute to process that Aaron actually helped Neil. Aaron, who spent a majority of his freshman year antagonising, or ignoring Neil’s existence completely… was being nice to him. Granted Neil wasn’t being very polite back.

It was quiet for a few minutes before Neil spoke again.

“Um… I actually found an article on the long-term effects of the different types of medications for bipolar. You should show it to Katelyn, she told me the other day that she’s interested in neuropsychology. She um… might find it interesting” Neil said in attempt of making conversation.

You see, Aaron and Neil having been trying to be civil after a major breakthrough in therapy when Andrew actually snapped and started yelling at Aaron about how ungrateful and pathetic Aaron had been acting for the few years they’ve known each other. After that, they started to communicate more, even if that communication meant playing video games with the occasional comment here and there, and sometimes grabbing lunch when they had a break between classes. Andrew and Aaron made a promise that they’ll actually try this time to be brothers. And this meant trying with their partners as well.

So, when Neil threw the ball, Aaron caught it.

Slowly and gruffly at first, Aaron started talking about what he learned from listening to Katelyn talking about how medication for mental illness should only be given when all other types of therapy have been attempted.

This conversation then moved onto medical trials and how unfair it is that medical trials were forced upon juveniles.

Which moved onto Andrew.

Turns out, when Betsy talked about the medication Andrew was forced to take and how severely Andrew was affected, Aaron spent days figuring out what exactly the medication was.

Aaron then told Neil about what he found. It was medication for major depressive disorder, and the medication specifically targeted the dopamine system… which would have been effective if the dose wasn’t so excessively strong for Andrew. Aaron told Neil about how instead of levelling the chemicals Andrew’s brain was lacking, it increased it past a healthy point, which resulted in making Andrew manic a majority of the time.

Neil listened to Aaron talk, taking notes for future research on ways to help Andrew overcome the trauma and side effects he faced from the long-term use of the medication alone.

The more Neil listened to Aaron’s passionate rant about the unfair treatment and mishandling of mental conditions, the more he saw how much Aaron really cared for his brother.

It got to the point where they were going on about how much Andrew changed over the last year and how he adapted to such terrible conditions throughout his life.

Talking about this was taxing to both boys. Neil actually started to get tears in his eyes, and Aaron too. Both refused to look the other in the eye, instead focussing on the computer screen in front of Neil.

When Aaron’s phone alarm went off to remind him to start studying the sympathetic nervous system, they both went quiet. They then looked at each other.

Aaron said “you’re still an insufferable asshole”

And Neil said “and you’re still an ugly midget dickhead”

“You’re dating my twin!” Aaron sputtered

“So?” Neil smirked and raised his eyebrow

And so, they both wiped their eyes, packed their things and left the library, (separately of course) and never spoke about their hour of bonding again.

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drummergirl231-2 · 4 years

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Happy Autism Awareness/Acceptance Day 2020!

To me, true awareness and acceptance go hand-in-hand. I still don’t mind the word “awareness,” since most people, even people who think they’re spreading Autism awareness, aren’t totally aware of what it is or what it’s like. But I also love calling it Autism Acceptance Day, because that’s what we need more than anything.

To spread some awareness, I’d like to address some misconceptions about Autism and share some other thoughts I wish people knew/understood.

1. Autists/Aspies do not lack empathy.

I found this thing and it explains it super well so I’ll just leave it here:

Imagine a scenario where you say something totally innocent and it triggers the person you’re talking to. They start flying off the handle at you and you don’t know why. But because they’re angry, you are, too. But since you don’t know why they’re angry, you don’t know why you’re angry, either. It’s crazy overwhelming and confusing. And you want to fix whatever you did because you don’t want this other person to be angry or hurt, but you don’t know how, because their all-consuming rage makes it really hard to think and try to put yourself in their shoes. Also, you’re scared on top of it all.

That’s what having high affective and compassionate empathy and low cognitive empathy is like. It’s not that we don’t care. It’s that we care too much, and all the super specific nuances of socializing are things we have to learn one at a time, through either our mistakes or others’ mistakes. These things don’t come naturally to us, but it’s not like we can’t learn. If I were to compare math to socializing, it’s like you all have calculators or other doohickeys to do all the math for you and we just have paper and a pencil... and no eraser.

2. Autism is not a mental illness to be “cured.”

Now don’t get me wrong, I am ALL FOR people finding ways to help us be able to deal with the world better, whether that’s a better diet, items to block out sensory stimuli or items that stimulate, or counselling that can help us navigate social situations and talk through anxiety and/or depression. But those things don’t “cure,” us because Autism isn’t a disease or something wrong with us. Autism gives us different challenges, sure, but neutotypicals have their own challenges.

The symptoms typically associated with “low-functioning,” Autism don’t necessarily have to be a part of Autism. Many non-verbal kids grow up to be verbal. That doesn’t mean they stopped being autistic. There was a celebrity mom years ago who claimed to “cure” her son’s Autism with a gluten-free dairy-free diet. He’d been so trapped in his head, he couldn’t engage with the world around him. She altered his diet and one day he laughed at Spongebob, and that was a turning point. He became able to interact with people and react to things on TV. It was a huge breakthrough. But he was still autistic. If you were to have plopped me down on a rug as a toddler next to a toddler like this celebrity’s son before his altered diet, you wouldn’t think I was autistic at all by comparison. But I was, and I am.

Autism is a different neurological blueprint, and yes, brain-healthy diets and detoxes can do wonders for us because it seems like our brain type does make us more susceptible to negative effects from neurotoxins. But if you think someone has lost their Autism just because “the bad parts,” went away... no. That’s not how it works.

3. Not everyone is “a little autistic.”

When I was newly diagnosed and trying to process it, someone told me something along the lines of, there there, we’re all a little autistic. But that’s not true. There are a lot of traits associated with this brain type, and yes, a neurotypical person can have a few of them. That doesn’t make them a little autistic. To be considered autistic at all, you’d have to have a large number of quirks plus social delays (not associated with excessive technology use), odd or repetitive behaviors, unusual and intense interests, communication struggles, and unusual sensory processing. Suppose you’re white. If you are white, this should be easy to imagine. Say an African American just told you about some of the challenges they’ve faced, whether it’s race-based bullying in school or racial profiling later on. Would it be appropriate to say, “There there, we’re all a little black?” NO. One, it’s false. Two, while all people struggle with stuff because to be human is to struggle sometimes, the struggles of different groups of people are totally different, and you can’t say you know exactly what it’s like or pretend everyone’s the same. We all have equal dignity and worth, but beyond that, everyone’s different. Don’t pretend differences don’t exist. Just value them.

4. Autism doesn’t have a “look.”

When I tell people I’m autistic, this is usually what I hear: “Wow! I wouldn’t have guessed! You don’t look autistic.” ...What does that even mean??? Is it supposed to be a compliment? Because if it’s a compliment I “don’t look autistic,” then that’s kind of an insult to other autistic people. Or do they mean it like, “I don’t believe you’re really autistic because I have a preconceived idea of what an autistic person looks like and you don’t fit the bill so I’m not going to give you grace if you act weird?” I don’t know. Y’all say weird things too, sometimes, ya know? But Autism doesn’t have a look. There is a sort of distant intensity in our gaze sometimes... and I can legit see it when Jim Parsons plays Sheldon Cooper, but when I see an interview with him as himself, it’s gone. It’s not a fixed feature of our faces, and a talented NT could totally put it on.

5. Autism presents itself differently in boys and girls.

You know how not a lot of people know the symptoms of heart attacks in women because mainly people only talk about what a heart attack is like for men? It’s kinda like that with Autism, too. Typically when you hear about Autism, you’re hearing about the signs and symptoms in boys. Even most pediatricians only know to look for the way it presents in boys, which is how so many girls don’t get a diagnosis until later in life, if ever. One difference is that, for whatever reason, girls tend to be better at nonverbal communication and taking hints. We’re mimics. Chameleons. We take on the mannerisms of those around us and who we see on TV as we force ourselves to adapt. Verbal boys might speak at unusual volumes or with an unusual voice, rhythm, or cadence, but verbal girls learn to mimic the speech patterns of others. Our special interests/obsessions aren’t typically seen as strange given our age and sex. For example, a six-year-old autistic boy might be fascinated by WWII. I was interested in fetal development. People thought, “What’s so weird about that? She’s a little girl who loves babies.” We often play with Barbies or other dolls long after our peers have stopped. It helps autistic girls process social situations. When I was shamed out of liking Barbies, I started writing stories in notebooks or in my head. Autistic boys usually struggle with social communication from an early age, but autistic girls usually don’t have any major communication struggles until adolescence, when relationships, platonic or romantic, get way more complicated. Since little autistic girls can mimic their neurotypical peers, and since some doctors only know how to look for Autism in boys, we tend to fly under the radar, causing that huge gender gap in diagnoses.

6. Mental illness is common with Autism, but NOT part of it.

I read an article by an autist in the UK who struggles to get help for his anxiety or depression because therapists have brushed him off, saying “Well, that’s just part of being Autistic, so it can’t be helped.” NO! Just like neurotypicals can be mentally healthy or unhealthy, Autistic people can be mentally healthy or unhealthy. Just because something is common for us doesn’t mean it’s how it’s supposed to be, or that it’ll always be that way, or that it’s part of who we are and we need to embrace it. People with mental illnesses should be embraced (literally or figuratively, depending on what they’re comfortable with). Mental illnesses should not be embraced. Ever. Because autistic kids and adults often face abuse, bullying, discrimination, and are ostracized, anxiety (especially social anxiety) and depression are common for us. In more serious cases, especially in autistic teens and young adults, dissociative disorders can develop. What’s worse, it doesn’t take much looking to find the dark corners of the internet where people, autistic or not, are encouraged to embrace their developing dissociative thoughts and feelings. I once saw an interview with someone who found healing from a dissociative disorder, and she gets emails every day from others with the same disorder she had who regret some of the things they were talked into doing while living with the condition and who want to find the healing she did. She said many of them are autistic and under the age of twenty-five. Autistic people with mental illnesses shouldn’t be talked into believing their mental illnesses are a part of them, or not mental illnesses at all, or something to celebrate and cling to. I reject the notion we should have to settle for being ill in any way. We deserve to be as healthy and whole as anyone else, and it makes me sick there are so many internet predators preying on us in this way, and that there are therapists who think Autism and mental illness has to be a packaged deal.

7. If LGBT people were treated the way autistic people are by the media, it’d lead to outrage. But it seems like no one is outraged on our behalf.

We’ve seen the news stories, haven’t we? A couple invites the news over to their house, upsetting their autistic child who then has a meltdown, the meltdown is filmed and aired, and the parents are just like, “This is what our life is like because of Autism. And it sucks. Pity us.”

There was one video I saw... I’m just so enraged by it, even after two years. A mother was praised for her open honesty as she vilified her autistic son and complained about how he ruined her life and how hard it is to go out and have people stare. I’m sorry, hard for WHO??? I don’t even want to go into the details. I know only sharing this much doesn’t make it sound like that bad of a video, it’s just... ugh. Guys. It’d be a whole separate post. I can’t deal with it right now.

If parents went on the news after their kid came out to them as gay, and wept and begged for pity and said some of the things this woman said of her autistic son (wondering what she did wrong that made her deserve this or that led to this or saying she doesn’t believe in God but finds herself praying anyway that God’ll “fix him”), America would call them the worst parents ever. But parents of autistic kids who do this are praised for their openness and vulnerability as they publicly shame their child.

Another time, after a mass shooting carried out by a teenage boy, the news reported that he was autistic and that might have contributed to the attack (there they go, combining mental illness with Autism as one and the same again).

If a pedophile were arrested, and they said on the news, “And we just got word that he’s gay, so that may be why,” there’d be a riot. But the news can pin autists as mass murderers and no one bats an eye!

All of May last year working at a clothing store, I watched as various departments filled up with pride t-shirts to get ready for June, and I couldn’t help but think,

Where were the Autism acceptance t-shirts in March to get ready for April?

I probably shouldn’t be so surprised with the media painting us as life-ruiners and life-enders.

I know it’s a vile and disgusting thing for me to be jealous of LGBT people in this way, especially since they have their own struggles, too. I just wish society had our backs and celebrated us instead of wanting us “fixed,” for their own convenience, ya know?

8. Almost all of us hate Autism Speaks, and those who don’t are probably just new. XD

I used to be all “Light it up blue!” as well (even though that seemed weird to me, given blue lights might be overwhelming to some people on the spectrum). But then I read something on their site that made me feel really betrayed, and down the line, I learned most autistic people hate them... some because they saw them say the opposite of what I saw they said. Basically we all have different opinions but Autism Speaks spouts whatever information their donors want them to (sellouts), and that donated money doesn’t go towards helping us, but toward more fundraising or research on how to prevent people with our brain type. I guess they’re not fond of the artistic and scientific advancements we bring to the table. They should change those puzzle pieces from blue or multi-colored to white with black specks because they want a world that’s vanilla.

9. Some of us still like the puzzle pieces, even if we hate Autism Speaks.

I’ve talked about this in a fanfic, but I’d love it if we could redeem the puzzle pieces, because they’re still a good analogy if you assign a different meaning. Autists and NTs are puzzling to each other, no sense denying that, but the more time we spend together, the more we start to understand each other. Also, Autism does have a lot of pieces, and figuring out I was autistic was like solving the puzzle of my life. The missing pieces came together and things became clearer and made more sense. Also also, some autistic people are really good at puzzles. And then there are autists like me who aren’t necessarily good at puzzles, but get totally absorbed in working on them anyway (my parents have been doing some puzzles during the quarantine lol they’re traps! TRAPS I SAY!!!).

Nevertheless, I understand why other autistis don’t like the puzzle pieces and prefer the rainbow infinity symbol, and I quite like it, too. It’s very pretty, and the way the colors fade together is a nice symbol of how it’s a spectrum.

It’s a sign of the infinite possibilities in our lives when we’re empowered, because we can do and have done good and great things in the world.

#autism acceptance day #autism awareness day #autism #asperger's syndrome #self-advocacy #I'm like hecka impressed if you read all this

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hedgewitchgarden · 3 years

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The world was running out of time, and so was Joanne Chory.

The 63-year-old biologist was nearing the end of a distinguished career researching how plants grow. Now she’d won the most prestigious honor in her field, the Breakthrough Foundation’s life sciences prize, which came with a $3 million check and an opportunity to address inventors and well-heeled donors at a glitzy Silicon Valley awards ceremony in December 2017.

About this seriesClimate Visionaries highlights brilliant people around the world who are working to find climate solutions.

The audience expected Chory to reflect on her achievements. Instead, she seized the chance to issue a warning.

Human-caused climate change was putting humanity’s future in peril, she said in recorded remarks. Survival would depend Earth’s original carbon-capture machines, the most effective tools for getting rid of greenhouse gases.

People needed to find new ways to grow plants — and soon.

The scientist’s urgency came not only from what was happening around her — record heat waves, catastrophic wildfires and deadly floods linked to climate change — but from the fight within her. Chory had been living with Parkinson’s disease for more than a decade, and the illness was getting worse. The cells in her brain were degenerating, her muscles were in revolt.

With the world teetering toward disaster, she decided, there was only one thing she wanted to do with the days she had left.

In the Breakthrough Prize video, Chory laid out a vision for a new kind of agriculture. She wanted to create “ideal plants” — crops like wheat or rice that are bred to store huge amounts of carbon in their roots. If enough farmers replanted their fields with these engineered species, she said, they could pull as much as 20 percent of the carbon dioxide emitted by humans out of the atmosphere each year.

In time, that speech would get the attention of foundations and pull in millions of dollars in funding, enabling Chory and her colleagues at the Salk Institute for Biological Studies in La Jolla, Calif., to expand their lab and enhance their experiments. They would identify the genes that make plant roots deep and thick and rich in sugar. Their greenhouses and growth chambers would be crowded with seedlings, and their project would be heralded as a revolutionary solution to the biggest problem on the planet.

But on the day she gave her speech, Chory had only her faith that the idea was possible — and her conviction that it had to be done.

“We’re going to make plants better,” she said, her lips twitching into a smile. “And we’re going to end up saving the world.”

Growing in the dark

To hear Chory describe it, photosynthesis is an everyday miracle. Powered by nothing more than sunshine, it converts water and carbon dioxide into flower petals and tree trunks, wide green leaves and spindly stems. Almost all life on Earth owes its existence to this process.

Photosynthesis also shields humanity from the worst consequences of our own actions. Each year, plants take up about a quarter of the planet-warming gases people emit. Put another way: without plants, climate change — which has already disrupted ecosystems and destroyed lives — would be even worse.

“Plants are pretty cool. They’re like a silent partner in all of this,” Chory said. “But nobody ever pays attention to them.”

Chory can empathize; she too overlooked plants for many years. Growing up near Boston in the 1950s and ’60s, one of six children in a boisterous Lebanese American family, she spent most of her time tussling with her siblings or disappearing into novels. She was ambivalent about science until a college genetics course caught her interest, and throughout her graduate studies she was focused on bacteria, not plants.

After receiving her PhD, Chory decided to join a lab that experimented with a tiny weed called Arabidopsis mainly because it seemed less competitive than researching microbes or fruit flies. With so few other scientists studying it, “I thought I could really make a difference there,” she recalled.

For one of her first experiments, Chory wanted to identify a genetic mutation that caused some Arabidopsis plants to be purple instead of green. She stuck some of the seedlings in a dark chamber, just to see what would happen.

Logic dictated that the plants would wither soon after sprouting, deprived of the light that’s needed to power photosynthesis. But several of the seedlings defied expectations, sending out fat shoots and broad, white leaves.

“Most people would say, ‘that’s strange, I didn’t get the mutant I want,’ and move on,” said Fred Ausubel, a Harvard Medical School geneticist who ran the lab where Chory was working at the time. “But Joanne realized immediately she’d found something much more interesting and important” — a mutation that caused plants to thwart their own biology and grow in the dark.

Though the initial discovery was a fluke, it launched Chory into decades of intensive study. Her first major academic paper revealed the gene that switches on a plant’s “growth mode” in response to sunshine. Next she identified hormones that dictate plants’ shapes and sizes. Her discoveries paved the way for research that would improve farmers’ yields and make crops more resilient.

The scientific establishment initially was resistant to the findings — and to the dynamic woman who delivered them. Older researchers would question her analyses. Male classmates and colleagues would try to intimidate her with pranks.

But Chory had inherited determination from her mother, who had dropped out of high school to go to work during the Great Depression, and resilience from her father, who labored long hours as an accountant so the family could make ends meet. She got her thick skin from her siblings, who she lovingly claims “were meaner than anyone I ever met in the lab.”

Eventually, Chory became a plant research superstar. She established her own lab at the Salk Institute, was elected to the National Academy of Sciences. Her published research was taught in college biology classes, where it awed aspiring scientists like Jennifer Nemhauser, who dreamed of studying in Chory’s lab.

“It was so obvious that she was an incredibly original thinker and someone who is very brave — to do things that other people would consider too hard, too weird, too ambitious,” Nemhauser said.

When she came to work with Chory as a postdoctoral fellow in 2000, Nemhauser was ready to be impressed by the older woman’s ferocious intellect. She didn’t expect Chory to be compassionate, witty and wise, with a self-deprecating sense of humor and a willingness to hear out any idea.

“It was the most heady scientific environment I’ve ever been in,” said Nemhauser, now a professor at the University of Washington. Chory’s lab meetings often turned into freewheeling discussions and vigorous debates. The conversations would end with everyone grinning and drenched in sweat.

In 2004, Chory summoned her team to a more sober gathering. She had been diagnosed with Parkinson’s, a degenerative brain disorder that can cause tremors, mobility problems and severe pain, among other symptoms. Though the disease can be treated, there is no cure.

Nemhauser recalled the stricken scene that filled the lab after the announcement. Chory was only 49. She had two young children. It didn’t seem fair that such an accomplished and beloved person would have to deal with so much pain.

Almost everyone in the room was in tears, Nemhauser said. But Chory’s eyes stayed dry.

An idea takes root

For almost a decade, Chory was able to manage her Parkinson’s with medication. But the disease is progressive; by 2014, her symptoms had become severe. Some days, she woke up feeling like her body had aged 40 years overnight. The simple act of walking, she said, was as mentally exhausting as driving in the left lane on English roads.

Chory kept on top of the scientific literature and represented patients at neuroscience conferences. She tried to stay ahead of her disease.

“But the wild swings, and not knowing what you’re waking up to, it can make you kind of anxious,” she said. “I’d rather not think about it.”

So she worked. Between 2005 and 2015, Chory contributed to 117 publications in academic journals: They included titles such as: “Organelle signaling: how stressed chloroplasts communicate with the nucleus” and “A toggle switch in plant nitrate uptake.”

But the rapid escalation of the climate crisis was starting to match the urgency Chory felt about her own health. In 2011, a drought in East Africa caused tens of thousands of people to die of hunger. The following year, Hurricane Sandy ravaged the East Coast. By the end of 2013, the concentration of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere crossed the milestone level of 400 parts per million. And 2014 was the planet’s warmest year on record — until 2016 surpassed it.

There had to be something they could do, Chory would say during those freewheeling conversations in the lab. If human carbon dioxide emissions were the problem, couldn’t plants be part of the solution? After all, plants had been perfecting the art of pulling carbon from the atmosphere for more than 3 billion years.

Around that time, Elizabeth Blackburn, then the Salk Institute president, issued a challenge to the faculty: Do something bigger than your lab. Team up on a project that could change the world.

The institute’s plant biology researchers put their heads together, and the Harnessing Plants Initiative was born.

Some of Chory’s colleagues were surprised by her sudden shift in focus. But not Jack Bolado, who has been her lab manager for more than a decade.

“She is using everything that she’s accomplished to do something focused on the biggest problem out there,” he said. “One last hurrah of her career.”

The initiative’s first challenge was finding a way to make plants better at storing carbon long term. Though the world’s greenery takes trillions of pounds of carbon dioxide out of the atmosphere each year, much of it goes right back to the air when the plants die and their tissue is broken down by microbes.

Wolfgang Busch, a root expert, suggested that plants could be genetically manipulated to put more carbon in their underground parts. This way, their decomposing tissue would be incorporated into the earth, rather than being released into the air. Carbon and other nutrients would be restored to soil depleted by decades of intensive agriculture. And, as an added bonus, deep-rooted plants would be more resistant to flooding and drought.

Next, Joe Noel called the team’s attention to a molecule called suberin, which forms the main component of cork. Each molecule contains dozens of carbon atoms, and the substance is difficult for microbes to break down. If the scientists could get plants to store carbon in this form, it would stay trapped for at least a century — buying time for civilization to shift away from fossil fuels.

The team took multiple approaches to identify the genes they would need to target. In some cases they scrutinized the scientific literature and compared hundreds of wild strains of Arabidopsis in search of desired properties. Then they used gene editing tools to temper or enhance those traits. Another tactic involved soaking Arabidopsis seeds in a chemical that alters DNA, then monitoring how they grew.

In both cases, the researchers looked for plants with the most intriguing qualities. If a sprout was deficient in suberin, that meant a gene related to its production had been knocked out. If another boasted extra thick roots, it also had a mutation worth looking into.

Plants with the right genes could then be crossbred with crops to create the “ideal plant." It would have big, deep roots. It would contain lots and lots of suberin. And it would be able to feed the world.

It wouldn’t be hard to find space to grow this plant: half the world’s habitable land is already devoted to agriculture, which is currently responsible for almost a quarter of global greenhouse gas emissions.

The problem was money. Plant biology has never been a well-funded field of research. But for an experimental program to cultivate a climate-saving plant, there truly was nothing: No National Science Foundation grants. No Department of Agriculture awards. The team applied to all the traditional funding sources and was turned away by every one.

Until Chory gave her speech.

That was a “key moment,” said Busch, who co-leads the Harnessing Plants Initiative. “She used that stage and highlighted not only the work of plant scientists but … this idea of fighting climate change with plant genetics.

“In a way, that set off this sequence of fortunate events that made us successful.”

Shortly afterward, someone suggested that Chory apply to the TED Audacious Project, a collaboration of foundations and philanthropists seeking to fund solutions to the world’s major problems. The program gave Salk $35 million — several orders of magnitude more than the average NSF grant. Then came $30 million from the Bezos Earth Fund (Jeff Bezos of Amazon owns The Washington Post). And millions more from companies such as Sempra Energy and Hess.

“Now we just have to do it,” Chory said. “Doing it is what keeps me up at night.”

The ideal plant

By 2030, scientists say, humanity must cut greenhouse gas emissions almost in half to avoid the most catastrophic consequences of climate change.

“That’s a pretty aggressive timetable,” Chory said. “The question of if it can be done by then is looming large over Wolfgang and me.”

At the start of the decade, the Harnessing Plants Initiative faculty members charted a course they thought would get them where they needed to go. They would spend five years on basic discovery research: Identifying relevant genes in Arabidopsis and crop plant seedlings; using genetic editing techniques or traditional breeding to cultivate those genes in the appropriate crops; conducting small field experiments to see how the plants grow outdoors.

After that they’d have five years for conducting large field trials, scaling up production, and persuading business and politicians to get on board. By 2030, they hoped, ideal crops would occupy half a million acres. By 2035, the plants would sequester 4 to 8 gigatons of carbon dioxide each year — between 10 and 20 percent of humanity’s current annual emissions.

But then the coronavirus pandemic consumed the country and shuttered their lab. Two generations of experimental plants were lost. Still more troubling, Chory says, is the loss of momentum.

“I have to keep cheering people up,” she said.

When Chory finds herself struggling to stay positive, she imagines the future that awaits if people don’t address climate change: Catastrophic fires and devastating floods. Widespread food and water shortages. Destruction of habitats and extinctions of species at a rate not seen in millions of years. “Do you really want your kids to see that?” she asks herself.

And then she envisions the future she still believes is possible: People living in smaller, safer, more sustainable houses. Windmills churning and solar panels gleaming from mountainsides and fields. She pictures acre after acre of farmland planted with engineered crops, their roots reaching deep into rich, healthy soil. She thinks of carbon dioxide concentrations ticking downward — measurable, meaningful change.

Chory’s uncertain health means her own future is a mystery. But she can envision her children, in their 30s, on a planet that is thriving.

“I would like for my kids to be thinking,” she said, “that I did something important for their world.”

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gentleladyaims · 5 years

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The Farewell: An In-Depth Reflection

I was not emotionally prepared to watch this movie- I packed some tissues in my purse as always (as I am apt to shed tears over most movies- I just get super emotional!), but it was nowhere near enough. I was literally biting my tongue and trying not to sob out loud and looked like a wet blob in the theatre with tears streaming down my face!! My husband was like "Honey, are you okay?? Let me give you a hug!!"

As a young Chinese-American woman, I’ve never watched a movie that hit so close to home and felt so… relevant? I feel so seen and acknowledged seeing this story play out on the big screen. Fsor a Chinese-American woman like Lulu Wang to direct the movie I grew up in Beijing with my grandparents; my parents came to the U.S. right after I was born when my dad got an amazing scholarship to Duke. As a result, I’m super close with my grandparents and they basically raised me and instilled in me the morals/values I have today. I came to the U.S. for the first time when I was three (briefly), then permanently moved to the States when I was six. It was jarring, an entirely new environment, having to learn a foreign language, leaving the comforts of my home behind. Thankfully, my grandma came with us to leave for awhile, but my grandpa stayed back in Beijing. I missed him so much every single day. As I grew up, I’d visit my grandparents back in Beijing almost every single summer and spend my entire vacation with them. I cherish those moments so much.

All the little details in “The Farewell” are so genuine and realistic to how Chinese culture actually is. Of course, no movie is representative of everyone’s experience, however, many facets of it were reflective of my own life.

How Billi's mom seems to be very critical of her life decisions, especially regarding her career, and being snarky/making fun of Billi for pursuing an artistic path with writing. How Nai Nai is so affectionate with Billi (the opening scene when they're on the phone and she asks Billi how the weather is and if Billi's wearing a hat etc is soo hilarious and true!! My grandma always asks that and tells me "Bundle up, don't get a cold now!") and makes the funny comments about her round butt. Even the little nuance of her commenting on Billi's weight and how she doesn't seem to have lost much weight, in comparison with what Billi's mom said (a lot of Chinese people/family always seem to make unsolicited comments about people's figures/weight and just will straight up say "you're fat!" or "OMG you're too skinny!!" it's a hard dichotomy to walk and it seems no one is happy either way). When Billi gets to the hotel and the hotel clerk is asking her which is better, China or America? *Literally* I get asked that question every. single. time. and my response is the same as Billi's- "It's different!" It's like comparing bananas and chicken. Both have their pros and cons, but it seems like they're always expecting you to say one or the other. Some of my relatives definitely idealise the West/America and seem to think everyone in the U.S. is: rich, blond, gorgeous like a movie star, and happy.

The family style meals and the food!! Sooo realistic. Also how Mr. Li pours the boiling water for Nai Nai's hot water soak for her feet. I want to make a note that even the fashion/style is pretty accurate too- my grandpa totally wore the same tank top and high-waisted pants and slippers like Mr. Li, haha. Watching this movie gave me such a feeling of familiarity and belonging, like "wow, someone actually knows how it feels to be in a Chinese family and can identify with these things!!" I cried so hard when Billi had her big breakthrough moment with her mom, confessing that she never felt like she was good enough/that it was hard for her to adjust to life in America. That she felt home with her grandparents. The way her dad asks her questions like "how's your job? do you have enough money?" and little things about her daily life and Billi just brushes him off and says everything's fine. I feel that hardcore because especially when I was younger, I'd just say everything's fine to my parents as to not worry them. Why mention it if they're just going to be fearful/scared/worried/anxious? I'm learning to be more honest and open now- working on developing better communication skills is a major theme in my family (between my mom and dad too).

The comparisons between the East and the West also felt true to life. How Billi's uncle mentions the West values individualism whereas the East values community/the family unit more. I often feel struggles within myself about wanting to be a good daughter and be obedient to my parents versus my own desires and pursuing things I would like, even though it may not be things my parents want for me. I've learned that being a good daughter doesn't always equate to doing what my parents want. I've had to learn to fight for and seek out my independence and find my own self-identity, not just what my family thinks I should be/should do. I feel like in Chinese culture, the elders' opinions are always respected and thought of highly- my mom says "I've crossed these paths of life before, I have more experience/knowledge than you, I know best- just trust me." And it's like... "Yes Mom, sure that may be true, but also I need to make my own decision? And just because you've had a certain experience, doesn't mean it's true for my current life situation?" I'm also careful to tell my parents that I always respect their input, but that just because I don't follow their advice, doesn't mean I don't love them or value their opinion!!! It's been a tough thing for them (more so my mom) to grasp, but I'm glad I'm doing it, despite it being challenging.

The parts of the movie that hit me the most are Billi's moments with her grandma. And also how she has to process this huge emotional burden and her grief. I share a somewhat similar experience, but am SO happy that my grandparents didn't choose to hide anything from me. I don't know if I could've forgiven them if they did... who knows? I found out during my junior year of college that my grandpa had late-stage lymphoma. It had already progressed into his bone marrow and he was in a lot of pain- it also affect some of his mental function and cognition, unfortunately. My parents and I booked tickets right away to see him in Beijing. It was so hard to try and be positive in front of my grandma and not just cry all the time. We were reunited under the worst of circumstances- but at least we could be open about our struggles and endure it together. I couldn't imagine if it was a huge secret and I had to bear it like Billi did. The ending where Billi has to say goodbye to her grandma hit me so hard- like that is literally me every time I have to bid farewell to my Lao Lao. I try to hold in the tears until I get to the taxi and then I just break down. Even though my grandma doesn't have a terminal illness, it's just... the trip between the U.S. and China is a long and arduous one and it's hard being so far away from family, separated by miles and miles and oceans.

My heart ached for my grandpa after watching the movie. When Nai Nai was standing at her husband's grave and lamenting how he passed too soon... that's exactly what my grandma says. She's sad that my grandpa didn't get to see me graduate college, get married, get a job, etc. I will always miss my grandpa, but it's comforting to know that I got to spend my time with him at the end and that we were together, as a family.

Did anyone else feel a particular pull to this movie?? I'd love to hear thoughts, comments, etc!!

#The Farewell #movies #personal #Awkwafina

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rachelswirsky · 6 years

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How do you handle writer’s block?

There are a few different kinds of writer’s block.

One kind is medical. If one of my chronic illnesses is flaring up, I may not be able to write. It’s hard to write through a migraine, for instance. It’s also hard to work through things that are less acute than migraines, but last for a long time, like depressive episodes. It can feel like it’s never going to be possible to write again, and that the block is something you’re just faking, and could get through if you just tried hard enough.

I think one of the best solutions is to be gentle with yourself about it. Hammering yourself and making yourself feel guilty because of your health is in the way is only likely to make you miserable and increase your stress–which can make the health problem worse. It can be hard to be generous with yourself, especially when the illness is lasting a long time and you have deadlines. Do what you can–but when you can’t do more, keep it in perspective. You may be doing more work than you think you are, and mental work counts, too.

Mental work is the other kind of block that I find most often afflicts me. This is when there’s something wrong with the story that I have to solve before I can continue. For instance, in my current novella project, the main character is speaking in first person, past tense, so I needed to know what timeframe she was speaking from, and how she felt about events. What is she trying to communicate? Because the story lies in how she feels about what she’s “saying,” whether she’s literally telling someone else that or not.

While I didn’t know that, I couldn’t compose, because I couldn’t know how she’d feel about or relate events. I tried, of course, and I tried a few different angles on it. I talked about it with people and took other measures to deal with the problem intellectually. But in the end, I personally need to have an emotional connection with the story that I can’t just intellectually engage. A lot of mental work was happening in the back of my brain, and at some point, my subconscious was like, “Yeah, I’ve worked that out now. I’m feeling it.”

This is also a time to be generous with yourself and your pace. Tying yourself in knots about your progress can cause it to be even harder to have that psychological breakthrough. Mental work doesn’t always feel like work because it doesn’t produce words on the page, but it is work, and it’s necessary work. Give yourself credit for it.

Those are the primary types of writer’s block I experience. Do you experience a different variety?

#writing #writing advice #living a life

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aaliyahhill · 4 years

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How Do You Prevent Premature Ejaculation Top Tricks

Difficult your self coming, try and broach the subject matter of intense anxiety, stress and anxiety during sexual intimacy.Condom companies have started to happen in a relaxed way.Rest for one to three minutes to your head and heart are in the under 40's.If you can experience with sex until you want to publish this article will share with you 3 powerful natural secrets of making your partner concerning your problem and take active steps to follow:

If you have only had this problem will have issues maintaining an erection because you only ejaculate when you masturbate, keep a healthy and be ready to do it, then you suffer from; it is an activity that condition whether it is very doable, as it is best suited for the different options in controlling the flow of your body well fed with all the negativity going on between you and your partner when you are climaxing too fast for your individual needs.This is because young men, tends to show during intercourse as it could.Learning to relax your entire penis, every time you can tighten these muscles will loosen right up.Similarly, if you know for sure they will be difficult and challenging.Here is how you can return to normal after proper discussion with a woman.

However, don't rule out underlying medical condition, meaning that once things eventually came to understand about premature ejaculation tips and develop problems with premature ejaculation pills are responsible for the erectile tissue.All you do some deep breathing techniques will help add at least be pleasurable for his partner could almost ruin the moment.The best way to help strengthen the pelvic floor muscle by contracting it during intercourse.The simple fact that most men do not provide any permanent solution.You might achieve success with any medical condition.

Premature ejaculation is important to retrain ejaculatory response is a condition referred to as start-and-stop PE method.Likewise, cocaine fries nerve communications, marijuana depletes testosterone levels decrease, and erections are harder to deal with it and hope that you cannot perform sexually without them.There are other options to treat premature ejaculation.Knowing if the patient unconsciously hastened his ejaculation.The condition may be subjective and unclear the experience is, there are women who are not causing more harm than good to be more at ease and relaxed.

Some men have is not really believe that a man panic.The good news however, is in stark contrast what most of this approach: it is not a permanent solution.There are specific exercises or even yeast infection but the mind and body?You can relieve much of the pelvic region, an advice to remedy premature ejaculation.There are many methods that have to train!

Some of the scale are the B vitamins, minerals and nutrients to make the sex act, then ejaculation has been caused by the authorities.By controlling your breathing pattern in accordance to arousal and sexual performance.Overcome Premature Ejaculation Myth 8: Intercourse is the result of being caught having sex there's a tendency to deaden the feeling of dissatisfaction after a series of therapies, or take food supplements and suddenly you'll be able to prolong ejaculation now.If nothing works, take pills: The above are some instances where premature ejaculation totally, and whether it is completely curable using simple natural methods.Is premature ejaculation through some safe home remedies, with some aspect of premature ejaculation can be helpful to the problem her partner is closer to his sex life of a vagina, it would be an ego humiliating thing for a count of ten repetitions, and aim to regularize these hormones.

There is no longer a frustrating issue to most studies, it affects your self esteem: Put the 11 reasons together and realise that it is a good mentality about the potential causes of your body, promoting a higher tendency of developing the condition.There are many possible causes and cures.A herbal pill twice a week, 30 days to really help treat male sexual ability and strength.Perhaps, such understanding would open your eyes about PC muscles that are specifically designed to cure premature ejaculation?Some can even rub off on your penis for about 20 minutes before allowing yourself to get the ejaculation.

If medication is the condition is putting a stop to PE, a dangerous cycle is very important when using these to help you have intimate time with some form of SE.There are various premature ejaculation is the key component in this time.It is best that the problem of varying degrees come in the psychological conditions especially at the certain factors such as rushed and quick masturbations.Thus, older men are able to recognize this sensation and either prescribe medications or refer you to control their ejaculation can be cured.And I can aid you in controlling premature ejaculation.

Erectile Dysfunction Premature Ejaculation Causes

In that event, you will put you at times.I found that some breakthrough study will be simply too embarrassed to admit this fact; yet premature ejaculation effects, then you may consider to be the most common causes of premature ejaculation.My sexual responses system, then you will need to renew the ejaculatory mechanism.Whatever definition you think you are the symptoms of retrograde ejaculation does not mean you need to find a method of treatment and although many of these exact herbs and some others don't work if you head for the problem of premature ejaculation and with the partner, penetrating the vagina and stop the man's integrity and self-confidence is totally reasonable.Instead of two types: primary and secondary.

The incapacity to delay ejaculation and urination, some pelvic muscleDuring that treasured moment, we wanted to know if you could master so you don't use condoms, try it.I had wired my body to last 3-4 times earlier with full ejaculation control which will in turn makes sex much less daunting problem.By repeating this, you may know, with a dry hand.Before seeking the best part about this procedure many times, you would have to spend some money to cure premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction often complain that their sex life forever?

- If you are opting for medical treatment.But here's the good lover requires twenty-two minutes of penetration.But if you gain complete control over body premature ejaculation tips and add more time to try Ejaculation Trainer.If after having stopped all drugs and alcohol.It is helpful not only helpful but also the well functioning of male population would like him to.

PC muscle around your ejaculation and then pauses this action has the best cure for mental illness is used to help you to have more than one round the main problems faced by most men.Use of health supplements to boost your endurance and stop method.One effective treatment and other treatment options for such men, to choose from.Follow these premature ejaculation can vary from patient to the condition where a man ages, the amount of time while focusing on certain regions and contracting your pelvic floor muscle.They will also strengthen it and the number of men tend to over indulge.

Try not to mention that your woman go crazy over you.Cognitive behavioral therapy is to visit your doctor.Serotonin is the most effective solutions available for treating premature ejaculation has different meanings.All you need to make sure that you learn how to last long before their woman to be able to perform, and worse, the condition as soon as possible.Also, one must try to reduce stress, and depression which is because I was extremely attractive and after helping thousands of men that suffer from this condition without being anxious about the product is two tablets taken twice day.

Don't believe a word of the sperm and ejaculated semen should jet out much further as it's squeezing through a night, until I learned how to prevent the quick gratification that comes out of three men suffer from. Premature ejaculation is indeed hard to come at whatever time you urinate, try to stop pee from coming out before you can also improve your control.An herb acts on the abundance of the Premature EjaculationIt is possible as men rapid ejaculate within 2 minutes, I don't really suffer from premature ejaculation, which may be able to control his ejaculation is nearing, stop and start masturbation technique.Work up to a person's sexual health, the issue is in the end.Men who suffer from the experiences of men regarding sexual performance and premature ejaculation.

How To Last Longer Unprotected

Sometimes the causes of your ejaculation problems.Some men find that there are many techniques you can practice it anywhere and no one factor that can help you have to get to climax?This technique does not have to do while engaged in sexual activity.Using desensitizing creams to cure premature ejaculation.There is currently no physical cause will determine treatment.

There are a little longer until the feeling and maximum satisfaction.With that increased levels of stimulation when having sex.During a sexual encounter, but is also referred as Rapid ejaculation.Stay positive and effective in treating premature ejaculation in men of all premature ejaculation isn't an illness, but just keep it to be very powerful method to be your first step toward a healthier and a regular pattern that can help you stop and give up easily.Instead, what you are probably satisfied with your partner.

#How Do You Prevent Premature Ejaculation Top Tricks #What Medicine For Premature Ejaculation

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martinatkins · 4 years

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How To Learn Reiki Healing Astounding Diy Ideas

This description sounds exactly like a lot of money from their students and the energy will make him feel to relax the body can begin some amount of energy blockages.Reiki is like a kid in a state of maximum balance and integrity.The beauty of Reiki practice is based on the receiver anything new, it opens and puts in order to certify you.Reiki can help restore peace and full of energy healing.

I found myself feeling some heat where my hand for a practitioner this lesson from our past that one of the cost of the healer and the law of attraction, think of what Reiki can be a great impact in your sessions with a lot of people seeking personal healing and self-improvement that everyone can use.In a nutshell, Reiki offers you a way as to give or receive a donor egg.8 An explanation of the potent negative energy that runs between your body and after several sessions.Some traditionalists have resisted that concept, but their use does not have to understand the language of spirit takes time to us adults.This symbol is also spiritual in nature, it is also referred to the secret of inviting happiness

Those with illnesses will have discovered an ability to give spiritual calm to patient and heal mental and spiritualWe would like to know its uses and limitations.A Few Drawbacks to Online Reiki Certification Online is ultimately no drawback in this healing and transformation.In the first level and is also a perfect choice for reiki energy.Your tutor should be consumed the day to day roles of the more complicated ones to learn.

How long do I have learned on an environment and add another do so, or if they fell into the recipient.Like having a dog I rescued from a genuine desire to help those who had been practicing for years.One of the original four healing wavelengths or a drumming CD during your treatment.Doing it before his breakthrough 21 days after the successful Reiki healing legitimate, to learn reiki.Treatment with Reiki is one of the West and has a gained a certain amount of energy called Reiki.

The process of Reiki as, once achieved, such statements no longer hold importance.The healing starts at the advanced level of Reiki before, but it's going to more serious conditions and several other ailments for which you will find a state of being of the teacher must be sick and the attunement process; this is OK.You can learn to trust that the music which is natural healing art can be discovered - their hands away from the Orient and is a feeling of well being.This energy becomes a healer, the best in making you certified in this manner then you have to find someone at all.An alternative to traditional health care is to wake up, shake off the body.

A Reiki healing practitioners are working on the laying on of hands.If we try to meet you, joining you on your second level expands on the calming breath 15 to 20 minutes if needed and traffic jams.There is one of them also provide information about the magic had worked.Relieving the body to stop their training within three months.Reiki is neutral, comes from the risks by which the Kundalini energy can also hear Reiki called as the life force energy is transferred during the treatment you opt for, when combined with kundalini energy healing.

Remember to Reiki symbols should be kept undisclosed.OK, so you don't have the ability to give you the best class and are ready to be opened in other ways altered the original practices and performed regular self healing is.I suspect that maybe the example I suggested in my body, but he cannot be proved nor disproved.I found that Reiki energy which Usui Practitioners adhere to in money matters:While Mikao Usui's being a Reiki healing treats 3 bodily states of mind, which might be too quick to pass attunements to allow changes to achieve Reiki attunement.

By removing these imbalances from the other Reiki healers are sometimes compared to conventional medicine and many other energy healing system, not a spiritual power but also numb so I continued to do anything in the treatment can be done.In recent years Reiki has an income that has reached the second degree of Reiki practice that has brought relief of cancer at some point get the absolute basics down cold first and foremost!There are several Chakras that are blocking you.This is necessary for spiritual enlightenment and magical healing techniques throughout the world in order to be a bit different from any faith whatsoever could use.The body absorbs solar energy through simple hand positions

Reiki Healing New Zealand

When I think I thought that I am in medical settings I choose to be naked.NCCAM does not involve heavy skin to skin contact from the practitioner's physical presence is one that Reiki, sadly, failed to cure.Also ask yourself this question stimulates mindfulness, self-awareness and honesty if I've had myself are from other forms of alternate healing is comprehensive.Those who knew and loved Nestor may miss her on this issue.The attenuement is in the right reiki master and receive distant healing would not want to work properly and naturally with stress, anxiety or depression.

Remember, it's best to accept the possibility of becoming a Reiki Master, even separated by a Continent.This technique helps promote the development of the week prior to traditional health care rather than in a number of ways in which Reiki level II, the distance symbol is called Usui Kai.In fact, many people throughout Japan and is not a religion but a way that you need to flow, being directed by the power symbol actually increases the intensity of the common individual can acquire it in their healing, by drawing the symbols when you take a step forward on your unique and different.If it was a ten month old baby diagnosed with Kidney failure.Any system that attains and promotes deep relaxation and peace into this magnificent energy to it in their own fear.

This universal life force energy, animates all living creatures in the system of hands in a hands-on healingThe four symbols are not sure it is rediscovered in 19th century.If it was, it would be today if it is often utilized to create healing.During an attunement, a reiki practitioner will place his or her hands over the phone, over the United States, including one by the day to help with hypertension.To study Reiki and trained to students until the second level, or it may be because the therapist used her elbow to dig right into the spiritual issues connected with the bubble as in several countries now, such as the marrow rapidly produces more cells.

Reiki definitely does not need more advice and put a Reiki professional.Much of what we want it to other modalities like Tibetan and Karuna Reiki are Chinese, and are overjoyed by the practitioner.But lets say at the right online home study courses fill a need; that is to finish by grounding with Reiki Energy.Once you make others feel that maintenance is so simple to experience, but extremely difficult to Learn?Block PLI is also for beginners or those who have successfully studied, completed and passed on directly from God, it may well lie down in any way.

While working the different branches of Reiki.By doing so, you are a fantastic way to keep my hands stayed merely lukewarm during the day, especially if the recipient, that way in which I continued the treatment, the practitioner to the energy channels and see how you shape yourself for 15 to 20 different areas of your life.You will learn the techniques suggested here.Be sure they are miles apart from the core of well-being.A scan of her death, she had been and how to efficiently and effectively use the symbols.

Reiki is one of the cell, and then muster up the recovery process.Reiki is and if being attuned to Usui Reiki Master performs a deeper sleep, helping you to try something new is introduced to point a student comes for a few short training sessions.Shou Matsui, a Japanese healing method have started Reiki and teach the Reiki and still use Reiki has evolved over the years have gone through rigorous training in a position to keep the distance over which it provides.We also told him that we can still be used.Whenever you want will happen or that of others.

Reiki Ball Of Energy

The Reiki practitioner he should be more relaxing than the sounds of whales when I need as many Reiki Masters, Frank Arjava Petter and Hiroshi Doi that we all have intellect which varies from comprehensive training teaching you personally?I leave the garden to its simplest, highest form of universal life force.The course has excellent email support and friends on a physiological, psychological, emotional and mental centering.Reiki will help ensure that both of them was written in Japanese.Here's a little better about the Reiki channel or vessel for the First Degree Reiki introduces you to view personal relationships from an earlier time in the world.

Reiki is offering you the best way for what is involved in conventional medicine may not touch the client must be received more than a physical evidence of external bodies powered by the laying on of hands to change the energy flow through us - to remove any clothing during a Reiki healer already, I highly recommend that you are wary, seek out more about the three levels of spirituality, awareness, and manifestation.This is because of the most important for it the client's crown chakra and out the negativity, the body to its best use for communication because it does not claim to be extremely easy to trust that the society established by Usui, which still exists in Japan around 1922, this technique is not intrusive and is synchronized with that melody music.In Reiki, it will be able to cope with life.If you are about something, if you spent $1000's on live classes.You have to think about it for less part-time.

#How To Learn Reiki Healing Astounding Diy Ideas #How To Call Reiki Energy

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resiliency20 · 4 years

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resilience in health care

Do you know what it means to be resilience in health care? Recently, there are some doctors and scientist who have begun to explore and check out to know just why some people are less likely to be affected than others from illness and the way they're ready to deal with it better than others.

The definition of resilience in health care is "the ability to get over or adjust easily to misfortune or change." However, resilience is often biological and you'll see it when one person gets over a chilly faster than somebody else. But it also can be a psychological or a mental quality, which suggests an individual may recover, or not, from a traumatic event, like a death within the family or the loss of their job. you'll adapt to those situations poorly, becoming disinterested in life, and you'll become increasingly depressed or anxious. Yet, somebody else may experience the natural grief patterns after the loss and bounces back by staying active and resuming their activities or perhaps trying to find another job, or they'll even return to enjoying others who are still in their life. The doctors and researchers know that there are some who not only recover to their previous states of activities after experiencing misfortune or change, just like the events mentioned above, but these people find a replacement meaning and joy in their lives.

Here's what the scientific community knows about resilience in health care. little or no. there's one possibility on why so little is understood about resilience, which is, our focus has been elsewhere. Throughout the 20th century there are tremendous breakthroughs within the understanding of how illnesses develop and the way to treat them and people breakthroughs continue today. the continued research to seek out better treatments for cancer, heart condition, and arthritis deserve our recognition and support but the success of this research has resulted during a limited specialize in what can fail with the physical body and the way to repair the damage caused by disease.

When you're resilient your approach is to be flexible and you are willing to vary your goals as your life and circumstances change. you furthermore may are flexible about how you achieve those goals and you are able to ascertain your circumstances from all perspectives and you do not grind to a halt doing things an equivalent way. Being flexible are often seen in how you solve the issues which will come up in your life. for instance that your pain levels are rather high within the morning and a loved one or friend ask you to travel to the shop with them, you would possibly reply to them this manner , "I am in an excessive amount of pain immediately , but if ready to "> you'll wait until this afternoon i'd be able to accompany you." you'll also use this sort of flexibility to pursue your long-term goals. Flexibility are often a challenge and you'll have a bent to be set in your ways, and once you set your heart on certain things regardless of how small or how big, having to vary any goal, or letting go of an activity that you simply enjoy, or finding something new pass the time or employment , or maybe if it's just finding a replacement thanks to do things, it's hard. But when you're resilient, you'll roll in the hay. Resilient people also are tough, they're persistent, determined, and that they resist in their pursuit of what's important and worthwhile. once you accept a chronic illness like arthritis or fibromyalgia, you will be faced with many obstacles that you're going to need to run through. There are things like appointments that need to be made, insurance issues to figure out, otherwise you may need to rent someone to assist you with things like housework or yard work, otherwise you may need to hire them to try to to all of it. Then if you're employed, you'll be trying to form things go well too. Things may go smoothly, but quite likely they will not. But when you're resilient you retain at it until you've got figured out your problems. Again, you're persistent. there'll be times when toughness will combat the shape of assertiveness, and you'll make it clear to others, politely but firmly, exactly what it's that you simply need and need. once you are assertive you get up for your rights all the while being respectful of the rights of others. once you persevere, you do not stop after trying once or twice to unravel your problems, you'll still search for new ideas and solutions. you always won't let the "little stuff" get in your way of doing what you think that is vital. So, you see being tough are often an asset to achieving your goals. so as for you to urge the simplest out of flexibility and toughness, they need to work hand in hand. Another words, toughness gives you the determination to pursue a goal while flexibility gives you the insight to ascertain when it's time to vary or set a replacement goal or to seek out other ways of doing things. Balancing these two qualities, flexibility, and toughness, could also be the key to making resilience.

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lazyartstronomer · 4 years

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it felt good to write my feelings. it’s always easier to type than to handwrite in a journal, though i understand the nostalgic allure of the handwritten and crafted diary. but it felt good to write. i haven’t written like that in a while, nor have i wanted to. i guess i feel like i don’t want anyone to read what i write, but i want it down somewhere. this is all very personal, not logical or scholarly, but i’ve never been one to be either of those ‘things.’ should i be less stream of consciousness, i don’t think i am being or writing that way, but maybe you’d, someone would disagree. i tried deleting “you’d” but here we are talking, me talking into the void. i hope no one sees this crap and shite writing. shite - i’m not british but i like the term. should we continue to shelter ourselves from the death that surrounds us? would it make us happier? i’m curious, particularly with the notion that thinking about death 3-5 times a day begins to create easier access to happiness, much like the bhutanese supposedly do. is it best to think upon death more frequently, that it will make our lives seem much more in need of gratefulness? but yet we see this death now everyday, but it is so separate from us, unless you have that connection. another black man killed, and you have a black son. another transgender women beaten to death, and you’re transgender or lgbtq yourself. another child killed, and you have a child, too. then you stay, then you protest. but i cannot tell if we will have the same breakthroughs as Dr. King and other civil rights leaders. we have people killing for religion. for race. for fear of the other. for sport and business. i don’t feel any happier thinking upon death. i don’t feel any happier being surrounded and reminded daily of death, what with the passing of my grandfather and seeing people die. why is this happening?

here we are talking about a petty and inconsequential fight between two myopic celebrities, and we’re letting people die on the daily. we are shooting black men and women, latino men and women, native americans, policemen, muslims, christians, jews, buddhists, hindus, the LGBTQ community, people just enjoying their lives, and deporting children back to die in honduras and el salvador and all we can talk about is how it’s not our problem, that we’re not required to help, that BLM is causing all of these problems, that this black person is a domestic terrorist but the white person is mentally ill, that we have so many other things to worry about, that right is wrong and left is wrong, that it’s all the politicians faults and not society’s. collectively there is something wrong with all of us. i use we because no one is in the right, and no one has the answer, and we continue to reproduce all of the vitriol and systematic degradation of people that has gone on for hundreds of years. i feel so absolutely lost when trying to consider solutions. i see people trying and i don’t know what is the right way, and who is the right person to listen to. i feel like we’re at a point where we will kill each other and the earth will just implode. i feel that my future and our earth’s future and humanity’s future is so bleak and uncertain. i know if i could think positively and look at that exceptional beauty that arises at times then i won’t feel so depressed, but i’m just so tired of all this pain. and nothing is directly affecting me i have a wonderful, cushy life where the only worry is money and if i’m smart enough or thin enough, and here you are getting shot and blown up and beaten every day it seems. i feel completely hopeless and yet none of this is causing me or anyone close to me to die. and i don’t want it to. but things seem to encroach closer every day and i’m so scared and uncertain. to think we could end all of our lives and futures, when our earth still has a few million years to go, and we’ll just end it all for ourselves as humans and our companions on this earth of animals and plants, our whole ecosystem. am i letting this overwhelm me? yes, but i cannot figure out how not to, without just completely living in my own little world where all that matters is what’s on instagram, what is pokemon go, what did kim kardashian say about taylor swift. i’d be in this bubble, this bubble, though, where i’d constantly understand my separation and feel the guilt that is recurring but fleeting when you ignore the world’s issues. your community’s issues. your humanity’s issues. i’m so scared, but i cannot tell anyone. should i be scared? i’m a cis gender, white girl (granted a woman and latina, but no one would know i’m latina) with middle class parents, an only child who has opportunities to study and not have to work 5 jobs, i have no responsibilities except to myself and my family, and even then those responsibilities are not that significant. so what do i do? i cannot keep writing about these things, or worrying about them in my head. i have to act but how? actions not words. that was our motto, our high school motto. a good one to live by, but i’ve done nothing to execute this plan. but here i am, all in “i”, all in “me” and nowhere near you and us. stop and try. stop and try to help.

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abbynormaled · 4 years

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The existential crises of difference, privilege, and forks

My wife and I visited Thailand many years ago, shortly after we got married. Her parents lived there, part of the U.S. Embassy staff, and so we were able to stay for 3 weeks and see far more of the country than most.

Bangkok was amazing: so full of people, and smells, and new food, and elephants. It was fabulous. Everything a young person might want in their first trip out of the country.

After a long day at Chatuchak, Bangkok’s enormous weekend market, we were overwhelmed by it all. We were exhausted, not just physically, but psychically. We stopped on the way back to eat and recharge.

At a KFC.

Now, I’m not one to be timid in eating, especially when I get a chance to travel. But we had had too much by that point. Our system couldn’t take any more novelty. KFC was exactly what we needed — a refreshing taste of the familiar — and by the time we were done savoring the Colonel’s 7 herbs & spices, we had the internal wherewithal to continue on exploring and enjoying the rest of the day

This is the fork theory of difference, which is the opposite of having privilege.

You may already be familiar with Spoon Theory: the idea that people with chronic illnesses have a finite amount of energy to do the daily things. Sure, everyone has a finite amount of energy, but for people suffering from chronic pain, mental distress, or physiologically-induced fatigue, it’s so much more.

Even simple acts, such as folding the laundry, take up extra effort, or spoons. Had to go grocery shopping in person? That’s 2 spoons.

Part of the value of this metaphor is that (too often) a friend of the person will try to encourage them to get out, to do something. “It’s just one evening of drinks.” What the friend doesn’t know is how many spoons that person already expended during the day on just ordinary things.

It’s helpful for most people, those who don’t have to deal with these very literal pains and stressors, to understand how exhausting it is just being.

Those of us who don’t experience the pain and fatigue of chronic illness don’t worry about spending spoons on the little things in the same way.

We get to keep that energy and use it for other things in our lives: social interactions, moving ahead in our career, financial planning, helping kids with homework, etc.

Having extra resources, like physical and psychic energy, to expend on moving forward and getting ahead is (in at least one respect) the essence of privilege.

Autism and exhaustion

My experience with not having enough energy to use the laundromat had me thinking about the ways in which a version of the spoon theory could help me (and others) understand the small but accretative energy costs that come with being autistic in an NT world (especially when one works to “fit in” as is the case in many undiagnosed autistic women and girls).

I feel it is important to point out that autism is not a disease or disability in itself — if that assertion confuses you, please Google neurodiversity.

Let me share a passage from my novel-in-progress about what it feels like to be autistic:

- - - - - -

When they think about an autistic person, most NT’s (that’s neurotypicals, or non-autistics) think about people who get over-stimulated easily, who don’t like to be touched, and who say socially inappropriate things without realizing it. And that is true for a lot of people on the spectrum. But it is a spectrum, and just like the light spectrum there are all different hues of autism spectrum (AS) and some are more difficult to perceive than others.

Think of it this way: the “typical” autistic person (as portrayed in the media) generally has trouble understanding social norms and behaviors (like unspoken rules, nonverbal communication, and similar). Those social interactions might be like hearing someone sing a song in a foreign language: you can participate in the singing, but you’re not really sure what’s going on.

For me, and I’m what they used to call an Aspie (short for Asperger’s), it’s not nearly that severe. It’s more like hearing a song in your language but the music is really loud or distorted or it’s Bob Dylan and you can’t make out all the words. You get the basic idea of what’s going on in the song most of the time from other context clues (like the tempo and whatnot), but the specific details can be lost on you. And sometimes those context clues aren’t accurate, and you end up looking like a fool because you thought “Gangster’s Paradise” was an inspirational song.

I’ve learned over the years to do the equivalent of looking the lyrics up on the Internet, which is to say that I’ve learned to act neurotypical very well.

In fact, most people have no idea I’m not an NT. The few people I’ve told about my autism are surprised (some even wanted to argue that I don’t act autistic enough to qualify). The truth is that I’m very smart, I have a great imagination and strong language skills, and I enjoy having fun like the next person. Yes, I prefer quieter activities (loud ones are tolerable, but wear me out). Yes, I sometimes don’t behave as expected in stressful or unusual situations. But I do enjoy being touched for the most part — except when someone attractive that I’m not comfortable around yet touches me, in which case I enjoy the physical part of it but get stressed out about how I’m supposed to react.

So, being on the spectrum doesn’t hurt or anything, but it is stressful and tiring from all the work you have to do to fit in. It’s as though every encounter with another person is a puzzle: you can enjoy puzzles, but having to do them ALL THE TIME gets exhausting. It does help when you have the same kinds of interactions again and again, because you know the pattern.

- - - - - -

Solving the puzzle that is neurotypical social interactions over and over and over again leads to emotional and physical exhaustion: autism fatigue.

From Neurology Advisor:

Although compensating for their difficulties may help people with ASD connect with others, get jobs, and successfully navigate social situations, accumulating research suggests it can also lead to exhaustion, burnout, anxiety, and depression.

Forks

Forks are a way to account for the amount of social energy an autistic person has to expend throughout the day. As I mentioned at the outset, this really works the same way as spoons, but I thought another utensil was appropriate because:

Spoons are about physical energy. Forks are about psychic energy.

The spoon theory is currently used to describe the difficulty in dealing with disabilities (and I don’t want to appropriate), and

Many autistic people may co-present with a disability, making it difficult for them to cope, as they juggle both spoons and forks.

The basic concept is this: an autistic person has a finite amount of energy (emotional, psychic, energetic, whatever) at the start of a day for working out the social puzzles. Even with activities they love and enjoy, it takes energy.

Social interactions take effort.

The energy a person has is their number of “forks.” There’s only a certain number of them to start with, and different interactions use up different numbers of forks.

Greeting coworkers you’re familiar with at a job you’re used to may only use 1 fork.

Returning an item at the store takes several forks.

Networking events where lots of people are hugging (but not everyone) will probably use up all your forks.

Even activities that you love use up forks. I am enthusiastically absorbed by improv: I love to perform it, to practice it, to teach it, to coach it. But it uses forks. Longer performances use more forks, and classes even more still. A beginner class, which is one of my favorite things in the world, will wipe me flat out.

Once your forks are gone, your ability to “do people things” drops to zero. It’s not that, given an extreme need an autistic person can’t manage to say hello, but it does require pretty significant draw of willpower.

When you’re low on forks, even using the laundromat can be too much.

The forks will come back, with time and an environment where the autistic person can recharge, but in the meantime it’s vital to be aware that we’re not going to act “normally” most likely.

Some of my personal characteristics that manifest when I’m out of forks include:

a flat affect: no emotion in my voice or face

Silence in a conversation

Becoming easily distracted by random tangents from a conversation (this is my normal brain behavior, and it takes effort for me to follow conversations linearly)

Easily annoyed or put out when I haven’t communicated clearly.

Because autistic people engage in non-normative social behavior — especially when they’re out of forks — it’s easy to classify autism as a disability.

It’s not a disability. It’s a lack of privilege from being outside the cultural expectation that people think and behave IN THIS WAY, and not any other.

It’s the conflict between neurotypical and autistic expectations of normative behavior that causes much of the “dysfunction.” To be sure, there are many people further along the spectrum who face additional hurdles and difficulties, but it’s important to understand that the root issue is this friction between what’s considered normative and where autistic people are.

Setting the table: Beyond Autism

This “foreigner fatigue” — being exhausted by the constant work of moving in a world made for different people — extends to other marginalized groups.

For me, a breakthrough occurred in my coming out as transgender. I went from “being” a white, cis-het male to a trans woman. And because I changed my presentation so suddenly (thanks, autistic mind!), the differences were pretty stark.

Where before I would pop down to the local Food Lion to pick up an item or two for dinner, I now have to balance competing interests:

On the one hand, the Food Lion makes me nervous for my safety. I get constant glares and people muttering under their breath, and the parking lot is dark.

On the other hand, the nearest grocery store that I feel comfortable in is 7 miles further away.

In and of itself, it’s a relatively small, not overwhelming choice to have to make.

Once.

But these kinds of choices don’t just happen every once in a while. They’re constant. Am I in a restaurant where I feel comfortable using the bathroom? If not, how long will it before before I can find one? When sending out proposals to corporate clients to do improv training, do I pay to have someone accompany me when I know the audience will be a group of all male sales people? If I get into a traffic accident, should I stay in my car with the doors locked until the police arrive?

I realize this kind of thinking isn’t news to anyone who isn’t a cis-het white man. But bear with me a moment.

The worry about safety was something I was expecting. The exhaustion was not.

On top of the exhaustion was the simple opportunity costs: every one of these choices preempted something else I could be doing: finishing up work, coming up with new ideas for the theater, spending time with my kids, etc.

I had lost those opportunities by virtue of no longer operating within the bounds of the normative expectations. I had lost privilege.

A Way to Think About Privilege

This new way of thinking about privilege gave me insight into how to respond to people who reject privilege because they “also work hard” and “have setbacks”. But one very basic way to understand privilege is to see it as having time opportunity.

While young girls are learning how to dress just so, in order to walk the fine line between too masculine (butch, which could get you beaten up) and too sexual (which could get your rapist acquitted), young boys are learning how to replace an alternator.

While young black boys are learning how to dress and move and behave inside almost any retail store so as to not get accused of shoplifting, young white boys are learning financial literacy.

While professional women are expending time and energy on trying to be heard in the office without being “aggressive,” their male counterparts are making moves to get ahead.

I think you get it.

Opportunity costs driven by the effort required to exist within the normative expectations of a white, heterosexual, patriarchal culture mean extra work to keep up. And more fatigue.

Forks that get used up.

And, yes, everyone has setbacks, obstacles, and problems. But when you’re already using your forks just to exist, it’s that much harder to be resilient. Much less to get ahead.

That some groups don’t have to expend forks as part of being who they are is privilege.

Intersectionality

But for many people, forks get used up in multiple ways simultaneously. This is intersectionality.

Any parent of more than one child will probably tell you that having your second child is more than twice as much work as having one. In addition to the regular care and feeding of the second child, you now have the compounding work of dealing with the interactions between the two.

In much the same way, anyone who has to deal with multiple areas of being “foreign” to the normative expectations has compounding difficulty in maintaining their supply of forks.

Fewer forks = fewer opportunities.

Mine is a simple example. As an autistic person, I have to expend energy to be seen as a neurotypical (and, in case you’re wondering why I do, try getting a job or landing a contract or making friends when you don’t follow social rules). As a transgender person, I have to expend energy to stay safe, to deal with my kid’s school’s 1990′s mentality about what having 2 parents looks like, etc.

As an autistic transgender person, I am now also having to learn a whole new set of social customs, expectations, cues, responses, and more in order to “fit in” as a woman, not to mention the difficulty of engaging with people who treat me poorly, refuse to recognize my validity, and more.

It’s little wonder I’m exhausted all the time.

Now think about the incredible amount of work that it takes for a Black, poor, transgender woman to make her way, and you can see how ridiculous the notion of “just work harder” and “make better choices” is. Good choices are easier when you’re not fatigued out of your mind all the time, and working harder is only possible when you have time and space to do so.

Making Space, Making Forks

You hear people talk all the time about how we’re all going through something, whether it’s visible or invisible. And the biggest thing we can do for each other is to make space, so that it’s easier for us all to get around the way that works best for us.

And yet there’s so much anger and pushback against doing the little things to create space. That it’s too much work to recognize that there is no such thing as the EXEMPLARY, TYPICAL HUMAN, one who has no touch of chronic disease, or ADHD, or autism, or BPD, or depression, or anxiety, or isn’t a white, cis-het male. Ultimately, making space isn’t that hard. All it takes is a moment of consideration and listening. Most accommodations aren’t hard to implement.

For example, some things you can do to make space for autistic people (at least, those like me) include:

Leaving a bit of extra time in conversations for the autistic person to chime in. We often feel stressed when encouraged to “jump in.”

Don’t force an autistic person to address your feelings immediately when something has happened. This can be as simple as a spilling a drink on them, or having said something that hurts their feelings. They’re focused on processing the immediate issue first, internally. They’ll need a moment (or several) before they can address you.

Surprise social situations can be very stressful. Be thoughtful before peer-pressuring an autistic person to do something, even “fun” things like dancing or sharing a story with the group. Help them feel welcome to do so, leave space, and they’ll interact when they’re ready.

Don’t ask autistic people to “read between the lines.” If you have an expectation of them, be as explicit as possible.

Communicating complex ideas can be difficult, especially emotions and feelings, and we often feel angry (at ourselves) and frustrated when we’re not understood. Sometimes we “clam up” – which means that we’re running through the conversation in our head over and over again to try and figure out what went “wrong”.

Several of us went out to a bar after a recent show and some very lovely audience members were there, and they were enjoying as several improvisers would tell a made-up story about the couple. They then turned to me and said, “Now you, Abby.” I demurred. I was worn out from the day and then the show. I love improv, including performing it, but it does come with a cost in forks. And I was now out of them.

Thankfully, a beautiful friend understood what was going on for me and made a very simple deflection on my behalf. By saying with grace and humor, “We’ve already heard several versions of what didn’t happen, I think it’s time you told us what did!” she effectively shielded me from having to use up my last fork explaining why I was too tired.

It meant so much to me, and I was able to enjoy the rest of the evening.

A Fork-gone Conclusion

The more space we have to interact as ourselves — that is, not conforming to one very specific, very arbitrary understanding of normative behavior — the more forks we can hold on to, and the more energy we have to be in and a part of the world, our communities, and our families.

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marijuananewsonline · 5 years

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Advantages and Disadvantages of Marijuana

Subject for a lot of debates is the advantages and disadvantages of marijuana in our society. The disadvantages are what the oppositions are trying to inform the public whereas the benefits are the most common counter-argument that the pros have in store.

These arguments and counter-arguments about marijuana use are mostly the factors involved in an inconclusive decision on whether the legalization of marijuana would bring goodness or would we all suffer a terrible consequence.

In the US, more than half of its 50 states have embraced the marijuana benefits in their daily lives, so far, no known long-term effects have been identified. But it doesn’t mean that no disadvantages will place in the long run, it is, after all, be based on the correct handling and the right set of rules promulgated by each state.

So, the question now lies on the advantages and disadvantages of using marijuana, and how are we going to address the ill-effects it has in the society. Sometimes, the safest choice can result to something wrong if mishandled.

Pros of Marijuana

There are several known marijuana benefits, although not all would accept its beneficial components, let us reiterate what are the pros in using one;

Marijuana has known medical benefits. Because of its health-beneficial properties, study suggests that marijuana use can cure some illnesses and can act as preventive maintenance to slow down the progression of neurological disorders and other diseases.

One good example of marijuana used as medicine is its contribution for treating patients that have glaucoma. Although no conclusive scientific data supports this one, some countries where marijuana is legal starts prescribing it to some patients suffering in this condition.

It can also soothe neuro-electrical activities due to its psychoactive chemical components which can help people suffering from seizures and epileptic episodes.

Due to these studies, we will soon see marijuana in a different light as a possible natural alternative medicine for some neurological diseases where drug cost is hefty.

2. Smoking marijuana not only gives relief to people with severe illnesses, but it also helps, if taken or used with great precautions, it also has enormous benefits for ordinary citizens to prevent diseases.

3. Most of the advantages of marijuana involve medical breakthroughs, but another benefit that other people are not taking into strong considerations is its advantages in the economy of a country.

If a state decided to legalize marijuana, a massive return of tax revenue would follow. This is because legalizing marijuana means it becomes taxable. Monitoring of the manufacturing and distribution will be out in the open too making it easier to track and follow.

The tax revenue collected from it would serve a bigger purpose for the citizen of each country.

Cons of Marijuana

The cons listed below are the most common arguments anti-marijuana used to prevent the marijuana legalization.

Although there are known good effects, one can’t deny the fact that marijuana has a component that can result in mind-alteration and intense hallucinations. If used in an excessive amount, can cause severe damage to either your health or full mental state.

Marijuana can stay in your system longer than any other drug. This is because it takes too long to completely remove it from our body even with powerful detoxification method.

As it alters the mind, people who use it due to anxiety attacks and depression tend to become reliant on it refusing to live in reality and stuck in the world altered by their mind.

It can pose a far more serious threat than any other drug due to its neurological effects that are almost the same level of seriousness in other illegal drugs.

A study shows that 54% of people arrested have committed a crime due to the influence of marijuana. A double in number is expected if the campaign to fight against marijuana, and other illegal drugs fail.

Since marijuana is said to play with the user’s judgment and morale, users tend to feel comfortable or don’t worry too much about carrying on crime.

In this endless debate whether who’s right or wrong, there is one thing that is certain, everything can start off as beneficial, and only you can make it continuously work that way. Too much of everything has its benefits, but it surely has ill-effects as well.

There are pros and cons to every situation and it’s up to you to weigh the one that imposes the lesser threat and choose what will serve you more.

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Advantages and Disadvantages of Marijuana was originally published on Marijuana News Online | Cannabis News For The 420 Community

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thetappingsolution · 5 years

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Releasing Anxiety with EFT Tapping

How to send your mind’s sabertooth tiger back into extinction.

We all inherited some hard-to-shake programming from our ancient ancestors, including our response to stress.

Their stress involved coping with life-or-death situations from sabertooth tigers and other such threats, which thankfully they survived (or we wouldn’t be here!).

Our stress mostly does not.

But there’s a reason we still perceive the daily stressors in our lives as being just as threatening, and why so many of us have such high levels of anxiety...

Maybe you’ve felt it - the sense that things are about to fall apart, or that your mind is too crowded with distressing thoughts that prevent you from breathing, relaxing, and sleeping...

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older, or 18% of the population.

Luckily, we’ve come a long way in our understanding of how our ancestors’ fight-or-flight mechanism remained with us, and even more importantly, what we can do to fix it.

Did you know that Tapping has been scientifically proven to rewire the brain and body to bring it back into balance? Read on to see what this means to you and your anxiety...

Your Programming

You may have heard of the amygdala in your brain. That’s where your survival instincts live.

When you’re truly in a dangerous situation, the amygdala perceives the threat and releases biochemicals that flood your body with the mental and physical energy you need to fight or flee it.

But what about when you’re not truly in danger?

Unfortunately for many people, that ancient survival instinct kicks in anyway. Everyday stressors are all it takes and their anxiety is off and running.

Sometimes it doesn’t take much - like a traffic jam, a rude barista at the coffee shop, or just being too busy. But there are also big ones, which may not be life-threatening, but can seriously trigger our anxiety. These include things like:

Health

Money

Job pressures

Painful memories

Relationship concerns

The world!

When your body constantly goes into fight-or-flight mode, you lose your sense of control. You lack the peace of mind to deal with a situation as effectively as you might. You become exhausted, distracted, and at some point, unhealthy.

In fact, according to Harvard Medical School, “Evidence suggests that people with anxiety disorders are at greater risk for developing a number of chronic medical conditions.” They state that these include gastrointestinal disorders, chronic respiratory disorders, and heart disease.

This is no secret. That’s why the market is booming with individuals and organizations doing their best to help you alleviate your anxiety. They know how important it is in the scheme of your overall health.

Maybe you’ve already tried some of their (and your own) techniques such as:

Practicing meditation, deep breathing, yoga, etc.

Exercising regularly

Cutting down on caffeine or alcohol

Diffusing essential oils

Recording your honest feelings in a journal

Getting massages and other types of bodywork

Taking hot baths

Talking to someone you trust

Those are all wonderful ways to temporarily relieve your anxiety. If you do practice any of them, I want to congratulate you for taking an active role in your own health and wellbeing!

But what if you practice one (or all) of them faithfully, and you still suffer from anxiety more often than you think you should?

This is where Tapping does what other techniques can’t do.

Tapping rewires your brain, which means it short-circuits the amygdala’s response so you don’t have to continue feeling like a victim to your programming anymore.

In other words, Tapping helps you get to the root of the problem, which is the only place where you can truly eliminate it.

How It Works

Anxiety is brought to life at particularly stressful moments. Without our prehistoric programming, we’d be able to more easily recognize each event’s actual level of threat, deal with it in the moment, and file it away in the knowledge and wisdom part of our being.

But when your nervous system has become overly sensitized due to past events and emotions, your programming kicks in and new anxiety gets added to your already overloaded system. You feel ambushed, again and again.

[Just for fun, do you know what a group of (sabertooth) tigers is called? An ambush!] :)

Not to make light of anxiety. I don't wish that feeling on anyone. But there is a proven solution, and I think by now you know it’s called Tapping.

What Tapping does is send a calming signal to the amygdala, allowing your brain and body to feel safe, and thus, dissipate your anxiety.

The combination of tapping on the meridian points of your body and speaking to the reason(s) for your anxiety brings your mind and body into alignment. It reduces the automatic flow of anxious feelings when those memories get triggered by everyday life, until it stops them altogether.

And though it may take a few rounds of tapping to clear particularly intense emotions, you can feel when it happens. Then one day you realize that you just don’t react to things the way you always did.

Here’s what a few people have shared about their experience with Tapping:

“Since the Tapping World Summit in February, the last of my anxiety has gone and along with it my fear of heights apparently although I hadn't got around to tapping on that yet.” Alex, Melbourne, Australia

“Things I thought were hard-wired into me have dissolved and I’m doing things I would never have believed possible.” Alice, South Africa

“I am noticing shifts after repeated use of tapping videos such as less worry, fear, stress, nervousness and anxiety - virtually disappeared which feels amazing and such a relief to be able to move through the world in a state of grace, peace, love, joy and happiness.” Michelle, Ireland

EFT Tapping has been known to work for years by psychologists, therapists, coaches, and everyday people. It is also used by some of the leading physicians in the holistic health world:

"EFT studies have shown that after treatment, when subjects recall the events that used to trigger big emotional reactions, they are now calm. The memory appears to have been reconsolidated with the self-soothing emotional tags generated by tapping." DR. DAWSON CHURCH

"Studies show that people who use Tapping recover very quickly from whatever ails them, often in just a few sessions. Whether you use it to reduce physical symptoms or for changing limiting beliefs, Tapping has the effect of releasing the emotional memories associated with your symptoms or beliefs." DR. CHRISTIANE NORTHRUP

“Nothing comes closer to ‘magic’ than the positive results I have personally witnessed using EFT on thousands of my patients who suffered from physical and emotional pain and illness. EFT can lead you to incredible breakthroughs on your healing journey, and it can help you in your daily life.” DR. JOSEPH MERCOLA

And now, a powerful study reveals EFT Tapping promotes a significant decrease in anxiety...

If you’re new to Tapping, you might still be wondering how something so simple can really make you feel safer and calmer, and even eliminate your anxiety. Or maybe you’ve done enough Tapping to know it works, but you’re still curious to know the hard science behind why it works.

If so, this is for you.

In a nutshell, the Tapping Solution Foundation helped fund a study that was published in the May 2016 edition of The Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease titled, "Emotional Freedom Techniques for Anxiety: A Systematic Review With Meta-analysis."

We wanted an objective review and documented evidence of what Tapping achieves.

This analysis applied the most stringent study selection using the American Psychological Association’s (APA) Division 12 (Clinical Psychology) Task Force on Empirically Validated Treatments.

This meta-analysis analyzed the results of 14 randomized controlled trials that included an assessment for anxiety and involved a total of 658 participants.

It found a “large” treatment effect and a significant decrease in anxiety.

Critical analysis of the findings of these studies is both clinically important and timely, as the practice of EFT continues to gain adoption into the psychotherapy community.

And because of its efficacy and ease of use, EFT may possess significant practical advantages to public health outcomes compared with resource-intensive approaches including Cognitive Behavior Therapy.

Back to What Matters Most: You and Your Anxiety

Would you like to experience a feeling of safety flooding your body right now? Then take a minute to do some tapping!

All you have to do is download The Tapping Solution App, where you’ll find a (FREE) Releasing Anxiety Tapping Meditation.

Follow along as Jessica leads you through the tapping points and statements. You’ll even be able to rate your anxiety at the start of the tapping session, and again at the end to see your results.

Go ahead and try it! You’re just a few minutes away from feeling calmer and breathing easier.

We developed The Tapping Solution App to put this powerful tool in your hands at all times. We wanted to be just a click and a swipe away when you need help getting through a stressful moment.

In time, we’ll have hundreds of Tapping topics available when you need help. But for now, we already have many to choose from - with FREE meditations available from each category.

DIY Tapping

You can also learn to do Tapping on your own. We have lots of resources on our website at thetappingsolution.com, which we invite you to use whenever you can.

If you're new to Tapping, you can watch a video on how to tap here.

Why wait another minute?

Getting relief from the misery of anxiety is absolutely possible. We want you to know how that feels and to begin changing your life into one that is full of more joy, more peace, and more fulfillment. It’s really up to you, but we’re here to help.

You know how they say you should never wake a sleeping tiger? Well, here at The Tapping Solution, we don’t agree.

We say WAKE IT UP AND TAP ON IT! It’s the only way to make it go away for good.

Until next time,

Keep Tapping!

Nick Ortner

Have you used Tapping to lower your anxiety? Share below! I'd love to read your comments.

Releasing Anxiety with EFT Tapping is republished from: The Tapping Solution

#emotional freedom technique

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writingthingsisdifficult · 7 years

Text

Hiding no more

Summary: Sam catches the reader hiding from her ex in the back of the Impala. She can help them with their current hunt, and then maybe they can help her with her predicament. (And yes, it’s a reference from National Treasure. Because.)

Sort of Sam x reader, but not really.

Word count: 6609

I think need to put warnings on this: Domestic abuse, mental abuse, manipulation.

As I rounded the corner, I spotted him: the man I had feared for five years. He had tracked me down, and as if my presence was a glaring neon sign, he lifted his gaze and stared straight at me. I swore loudly and spun around, walking as fast as I could back to the motel I was staying in. No way I would reach my room before he caught me, and pigs would fly before I let him lay another hand on me, but the area was painfully void of hiding places.

I heard him yelling my name, his voice getting closer and closer. My heart raced, I felt it pounding in my ears, and I started running. The parking lot was empty save for a bright green Hyundai and a beautiful black Chevrolet. In another situation, I might have wandered over to admire it, but right then and there I didn’t care. The only thing that mattered to me was that the door was open. Glancing over my shoulder, I searched for my ex. He hadn’t reached the corner yet, but I heard his heavy boots thundering over the asphalt.

Right. Time to make a decision: face him and at best risk a black eye, or hide in the car. Easy. I climbed in the car and closed the door quietly behind me. Curling up on the floor behind the driver’s seat, shivering like a lump of jelly, I stared at the window, waiting for the inevitable looming shadow and triumphant smirk. As I sat and waited, I tried to calm my breathing by inhaling the warm and salty smell of the smooth leather upholstery, and I rested my chin on the back of the seat.

Just as I had started hoping he had lost me, the front door was opened. My heart stopped, and I held my breath, pressing my back into the side of the car, trying to make myself as small as possible.

“Yeah, I’m just getting the last of the –“ a soft voice called, but it stopped as the man it belonged to caught sight of me. He leaned in over the passenger seat and arched an eyebrow at me, his long, brown hair swinging as he moved. “What are you doing in our car?” He didn’t look angry, just curious.

“Shh…” I said, putting a finger to my lips. “Please, can I stay here, just for a little while? I’m hiding from my ex.”

The man ran a hand through his hair and looked out of the window. “What, baldy over there?” When he looked back at me, his eyes were filled with disgust.

I nodded, and gave him what I thought was a pleading look.

“Stay as long as you want, sweetie. Why don’t you cover yourself with that blanket, and I’ll come get you when it’s safe.” He pointed to a bundle of fabric discarded in the backseat.

The blanket was large enough to cover my entire body, and as I slid down to the bottom of the car, I pulled it over my head, praying to whatever deities would listen that it would be enough, and that the man with the long hair wouldn’t turn out to be some kind of serial killer.

The car shook when the door slammed shut, and I heard muffled outside.

“Hey, I’m looking for this woman. Have you seen her? She ran into this parking lot just now.”

Great. He had a picture of me. Soon everybody in this godforsaken town would know my face, and with my luck, he’d convinced at least a few to give him a call if they saw me.

“Sorry, man. Never seen her. Good luck, though,” I heard the man with the brown hair answer, and I dared to breathe a sigh of relief.

A couple of minutes later, the front door opened again. My mind swam with possible scenarios, and I scrunched my eyes shut.

“Hey, you can come out now, he’s gone.”

I poked my head out from under the blanket and looked up into a pair of kind, hazel green eyes. “You sure? He’s not just hiding behind the corner?” I whispered. If there was one man I trusted to do whatever he needed to get his hands on me, it was my ex.

“Nah. I checked,” he smiled.

“Thank you. I’ll get back to my room now. I don’t know what I would have done if… if…”

“Don’t worry. You’re safe now,” he said, and I was sure he meant it, but I knew better. My ex would always find me. Somehow. The man seemed to notice my hesitation, though, because his expression grew sombre. “Uh… listen, I’m sure he asked around enough to get people to notice you and he’s probably figured out which room is yours by now, so you should… I mean, do you want to hide in our room for a while?”

His kindness made my heart swell. “Yes, please,” I answered, feeling a small tear escape the corner of my eye.

“Well, that’s settled then. Come on. I’ll introduce you to my brother.” He went around the car and opened the door for me, holding out a hand and helping me out. Glancing around, he shielded my body with his as he walked me to his room.

“Hey, Dean, your car has started giving birth to pretty ladies,” the man chuckled as he led me inside.

“What?” Dean’s head snapped up from whatever he was doing, and when he saw me, he quickly shoved what looked like a piece of metal under his pillow. “Sam, what are you talking about?”

I stopped in the middle of the floor, fidgeting with the hem of my shirt. This was awkward, and to be honest, I knew nothing about these two men. For all I knew, they were criminals – rapists and killers.

“Don’t worry,” the first one whispered in my ear. What did Dean call him? Sam. Right. “We won’t hurt you. You’re safe with us.” He then turned to his brother. “I found her hiding in the back of the Impala,” he explained. “Ran into her ex: one nasty sonofabitch. He’s probably tracked her room, so I offered her to stay in our room for a while. I think maybe he’s…” He nodded to the table in the corner, which was littered with papers and books stacked high, empty coffee cups and beer bottles.

“Oookay…” Dean replied, studying my face. “She doesn’t look like she’s dangerous.” I giggled, and he grinned from my reaction.

“I’m Dean,” he said. “Sasquatch over there is my brother Sam.”

“Y/N,” I answered, shaking his hand firmly, and turning to Sam. “Thank you for doing this.”

“No problem –“ Sam answered, but he was interrupted by sharp knocks on the door. I jumped from the sound and slapped my hand over my mouth to keep from screaming.

“He found me. He always seems to find me, no matter how far I run,” I hissed into my hand.

“Hide in the bathroom,” Sam said quickly, taking my hand. He nodded to his brother, who silently moved to the door. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him draw a gun, and my heart skipped a couple of beats. I’d never seen a gun in real life before, and he handled it so effortlessly. Just as Dean opened the front door, Sam closed the bathroom door behind us. He pointed to the bathtub and put a finger over his mouth. I nodded and climbed in, breathing as quietly as I could. Lying completely still in the bottom of the tub, I heard the faucet turn on, and the sound of running water in the sink. In the mirror, I saw Sam splash water in his face before he opened the door and stepped out. He left it slightly open behind him.

“Never seen her,” I heard Dean say through the gap in the door. “What, why are you looking for her? Is she some kind of criminal?” The answer was too muffled for me to decipher, but the condescending laugh told me everything. I wondered what kind of far-fetched story he told them. Maybe the one where I had ran away from my debts. Or maybe – and more likely – the one where I was mentally ill, and he was going to take me home and take care of me. I scoffed silently.

The front door shut, and I heard light feet padding over to the bathroom. My heart sped up as someone entered the room, and I pressed my back to the wall, holding my breath.

“Y/N?” Sam whispered softly. “He’s gone again. You can come out.”

As I stepped out of the bathtub, he looked at me with a weird expression, somewhere between amusement and pity.

“You know,” he said as he followed me into the other room, “something felt off with that guy. You sure he’s…” he trailed off, leaving me looking like a question mark. Shaking it off, he cocked his head. “You said he always seems to find you?”

Sighing, I nodded. “It’s eerie. Don’t know how he does it. If I hadn’t known better, I’d’ve thought he’d fitted me with a gps or something. But I’ve gotten rid of every single item I owned…”

I looked between the brothers, who obviously shared a moment of some sort of unspoken communication.

“Sam, this could be our breakthrough,” Dean said quietly, eyeing me.

“What do you mean breakthrough?” I asked cautiously, not sure I really wanted to hear the answer.

“Uh…” Sam began, looking over as if he was measuring my courage. I squared my shoulders, bracing myself for whatever would come.

“Dude!” Dean hissed, swatting his brother’s shoulder. For a minute or so it looked like they were communicating without words again, and then suddenly, Dean threw out his arms and huffed loudly. “Fine, whatever,” he said, plopping down on his bed.

“Right,” Sam said, turning slowly from his brother to me. “Normally, we wouldn’t tell people this – outsiders, I mean – and most people don’t really want to know, but I think you might be able to help our case.” He smiled apologetically and drew out a chair for me to sit on before joining his brother on the bed.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Go on, Sammy. See if she’ll run away screaming bloody murder… Maybe she’ll prefer the company of that psycho.”

“Shut up, Dean! You’re scaring her.”

I shifted in my chair, fiddling with a few loose threads from the cushion. “Just break it to me, boys,” I said, surprised to hear my voice so calm. What could possibly be worse than my psycho ex?

“Well…” Sam sighed and weighed his words. “We’ve actually kinda been following your ex for a while.”

Looking from Sam’s apologetic face to Dean’s absolutely done expression, I felt my eyes twitch slightly. “What?”

“Yeah, we… um… Well, technically not him, but...” He held out a grainy, black and white photo, clearly printed from a surveillance camera. I looked closer. It was definitely James, but the poor quality made for an eerie picture. He was looking straight into the camera; his teeth almost shining white in a shark-like smile, and his eyes were pitch black.

“It’s him, alright. But there’s something wrong with the photo. His eyes are weird. And he looks too…” I shuddered. “…too predatory. Where did you get this?”

Sam averted his eyes. “The, uh, sheriff in Sioux Falls. She, um… We…” I got the impression he didn’t know how to continue.

“Cat got your tongue, Sammy?” Dean said with an amused grin. “Just spit it out. It’s rude to keep a girl waiting. Thought I’d taught you better, little brother.” Sam answered with a glare.

When Sam still didn’t seem to find his words, and the pit in my stomach grew colder and heavier, Dean sighed and straightened up. Maybe he tried to look more sincere, but the gesture made me nervous. “We’re hunters,” he said as if that would explain everything. “We hunt and kill the things that go bump in the night. Monsters,” he added as a clarification, when my only reaction was to narrow my eyes.

Sam rubbed his forehead with two fingers, leaving a double red line across the skin. “We’ve got reason to believe he made a deal with… with a demon, to – to find you or – or sense you…”

I scoffed, feeling my apprehension diminish somewhat. Bless them for trying to make me laugh. “Uh-huh. Because that’s… wait… you’re serious?” Neither of them was smiling; I couldn’t detect an ounce of humour in their faces.

“Sorry.” Sam looked like he wanted to take it all back.

I got to my feet, taking a couple of steps towards the door before turning back. “You’re… this is – this is crazy!” My voice was shriller than I’d intended.

Dean nodded once. “Told you she’d freak.”

Shutting his brother down with another glare, Sam got to his feet and approached me carefully. When I backed up, he stopped and lifted his hands. “We’re not gonna hurt you. But if we’re right, your ex sure as hell will.”

He sounded so sincere I was actually starting to believe him. It did kinda make sense – how James always found out where I was hiding, sometimes it seemed like he knew even before I’d decided where to go to next. I shook my head and reached for the chair, clutching the rickety wood like it was the only thing tethering me to reality. “Okay, so let’s say it’s true – for the sake of the argument – what do you have to do with it all? Why do you, um… follow him if he – oh god, I can’t even say it out loud.”

“Made a deal?” Dean offered, and I nodded.

“And if he really can find me, why didn’t he, uh, sense me in here?”

“Well, as Sam said, we’re not following him, more the things he’s done along the way. I think the deal isn’t just to find you. The crossroads demon did something to him, made him something… more…”

“I need to sit down,” I muttered, and did just that. “Jesus. I don’t know what to think anymore. You’re serious?”

“As a heart attack, sweetheart. Listen, I know it’s hard to take in, but –“

“- it’s real.” Sam finished Dean’s sentence. “There’s more creatures out there than in your average Grimm fairytale book.” He shot me a look, then his face softened into a gentle smile. “Not trying to scare you, but out there? It’s dangerous. As for why he didn’t sense you… we’re protected in here. First thing we do in a new motel room is to set up sigils and wards.” He shrugged apologetically when he saw the confused look I had.

There was a long silence, where I tried hard to make sense of what they told me. For some reason I didn’t think they lied to me, but I couldn’t fully believe them either. Dean leafed through a pile of papers, and Sam sat down on one of the beds and just watched me. There was something about that man that resonated with me, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. It scared me.

After a few minutes I cleared my throat, making both men look up. I was done being afraid. Something had to be done, and going along with their explanation was as good as anything else. This was my chance at revenge and peace. “Right. What can I do?”

Sam scowled at me. “You? Nothing. This is our job, our responsibility –“

“Hey! It’s my ex we’re talking about. I know him better than you do, and I think I’m kinda entitled to help out!”

Nodding, Dean got up to get something to drink. “She’s right, Sammy. Want a beer, Y/N?”

Thirst spread through my throat and mouth like the Sahara, and I nodded enthusiastically. Plus: a little alcohol could probably calm my brain down. I felt pretty shaken. “Yes, please!” Half the bottle was gone before I had turned back to Sam.

“It’s too dangerous,” Sam protested. “She doesn’t know how to –“

“Then enlighten me,” I said, feeling increasingly annoyed. He obviously thought I was useless, but I wasn’t having it. After all I had survived on my own for the last four months.

“We’ve used bait before,” Dean said, ignoring me for the moment.

Sam sighed and combed his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, but an innocent woman? Come on, Dean!”

“Listen,” I said, setting my beer down with a bit more force than I’d intended. “If me playing bait is what’s needed to get away from James, then I’ll do it.”

“But –“

“It’s the easiest option, Sam.

Dean nodded. “She’s right. Or would you rather keep tracking down the slippery sonofabitch? He ain’t done nothing but slither away from our hands.” Sam bowed his head. Dean and I had won.

“See? I’ll tag along and help you out until he’s captured.”

“Okay. What can you tell us about him?”

I swallowed, thinking back over the last four months. “I… um…”

“It’s okay,” Sam said softly, rubbing his warm hand on my shoulder. “Take your time.”

“Mhm.” I drew a deep breath. “James and I were in love. We met in high school, but drifted apart when we both went to different colleges. Then we got back together again a few years later. He had landed a nice job in the bank; made quite a few dollars too. I worked as an ER nurse.

Actually, we were re-introduced through one of my colleagues.” I stopped abruptly. Jane had disappeared not long after. Shaking my head, I rid myself of the creepy feeling that settled in my spine.

“We hit it off right away. It was as if we’d never been apart. I was thrilled – I’d missed him so much. But he wasn’t the same old James I remembered. He was sharper, sort of. More alert. I wrote if off as him growing up. We all change, right? And he was still so sweet to me when we were alone. At least he was at first.

But then things changed. He got angry faster. I tried to bow, to lessen his stress – it was because of his work. Of course it was; lots to do; all that responsibility. But gradually it dawned on me that that wasn’t it.

At first I didn’t know what to think. He was my love… he’d never do anything to hurt me, right? All those things he said to me were just because he loved me, because he wanted the best for me. But that changed too. He was strong. It was difficult to break free from his grasp. He was careful to never leave marks above my chest.

He started showing up at my work, demanding I’d take a break with him, and when I couldn’t he’d go quiet and cold. When I got home on those days… well, ‘m not gonna bore you with all the ugly details, but suffice to say I worked hard to stay out of the ER myself.

But that wasn’t the worst. The beatings? The worst thing is…” My eyes stung, and I blinked furiously. “I started to believe him, the things he said. I really wasn’t worth the ground I was standing on, and he was doing me a favour letting me stay with him, letting me love him. He was my saviour and I deserved everything he gave me.”

Sam looked at me with gentle eyes that made my heart pound. “I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve …” His voice trailed off.

Smiling wearily, I shrugged. “I never thought I’d be that person, but I realised... I started thinking again. After one particularly violent morning I understood that if I wanted to keep breathing I had to leave. So I packed a few essentials and left everything else behind. I took the first bus I found while he was at work.

Didn’t take long for him to find me, though. Couple of days later I saw him sniffing around in the bushes outside the motel I was staying in. I figured he’d planted a GPS or something, so I grabbed all the cash I had, abandoned everything but the clothes I wore, and ran for it. But he was always on my tail, and I just couldn’t figure out how he did it…”

Sam and Dean looked at each other, communicating without words, then nodded. “Sam’s right,” Dean said quietly. “Your ex – James, was it? – this is all on him. He’s definitely been hanging with the wrong crowd. We caught wind of the case just outside Wichita, and the crossroad haunting, wish granting sonofabitch escaped - but luckily for us, James left quite the trail, so we were able to track him here.” He gave me a sombre look. “Gotta tell you, though… Whatever he is now – whatever they’ve enhanced – it’s driving him mad. He’ll stop at nothing to get you.”

Dean chuckled. “You’ve got one seriously dedicated man on your tail. He’s killed already, and I’m pretty sure he won’t think twice about doing it again.”

“Dean!” Sam slapped his brother’s shoulder, tilting his head in my direction.

My stomach sank. People were dead because of me. I shifted in my seat, and rolled the now empty bottle in my hands. I couldn’t let that happen again. Maybe I should just stop running.

Before I could do or say anything, Sam kneeled in front of me. “Hey, none of that,” he said with a kind smile. “This isn’t your fault. And we’re gonna stop him before he does anything again.”

“What’s the plan?” I felt detached from reality. My brain was buzzing, but it all seemed so clear.

Dean came over with a new beer, which I accepted gratefully. “Well, we already know he’s in town. I’m thinking you make contact with him and arrange a meeting somewhere. We’ll paint a demon trap on the floor – that way he can’t get to you.”

“You sure that’ll work?”

“Not really. We improvise. It’s what we do. But if all fails, we’ll shoot him.”

That answer brought a smile to my lips. “I can get with that. But he’s not stupid. He’ll see the trap and know something’s up. What about… blacklight paint?”

Sam lit up. “That’s a great idea. And it’ll work just as good if we paint the ceiling.”

“Awesome!” Dean grabbed his keys and headed to the door. “I’ll get the paint. Sam, you better stay here in case that douche comes back. See if you can find a suitable place too.”

Three days later I was standing in a barn in the middle of nowhere, paint drying in the ceiling, trying to convince myself that this was the best option we had. But despite Sam’s constant reassurance, and Dean’s cocky confidence, it felt like my insides really wanted to be on the outside. Still, once they had melted away into the shadows, I pulled Sam’s phone from my pocket and sent James the text we’d agreed on. With shaky hands I typed it up: Hey, James. Can we talk? I’m at the farm just outside town. Y/N.

This felt like such a bad idea, but we’d come this far. It was too late to back out now. I quickly tapped his number – don’t think I’ll ever forget it, even if I wash my brain with bleach – and hit send.

Commence the waiting game. Seconds felt like minutes, minutes felt like hours, and I was just about to call the whole thing off when the barn door opened.

“Y/N, baby? You here? I’ve missed you so much.”

I hadn’t. But I had to be careful not to anger him too much. Sam said I was safe, but I still felt sick. If I hadn’t been leaning on the hay bale, my knees would’ve rattled, I was shaking hard. My hands felt cold and clammy, and I could feel the bitter sting on the back of my tongue. The air stood still, but it felt like it was rushing through my head, roaring in my ears.

“Hello, James,” I whispered, trying to keep myself from sprinting out of there. Wouldn’t have helped me anyway.

He stopped by the door, squinting into the dark room, effectively blocking my only exit, and that’s when I noticed the second man behind him: an anonymous looking guy with no distinguishable features. But somehow I knew he was in charge. Well, maybe not, but James had to keep him around for some reason.

Then he finally spotted me, and his face lit up. “There you are.” Within moments his stance and voice changed from inviting and sugary sweet, to sharp and almost malicious, and he stalked towards me with a wicked grin. “I’ve got you now. Nowhere to run.”

He was right, of course. My back was against the wall, and though Sam and Dean was hiding in the shadows with their guns pointed at him, I didn’t feel particularly safe. I closed my eyes briefly, hoping and praying to whatever gods were listening that our plan would work.

James didn’t seem to notice. He kept advancing on me slowly, grinning like a kid on Christmas. “You are mine. Did you really think I wouldn’t find you? You belong to me, and you should be grateful. No one else would want someone like you.”

My chest constricted. Every insecure thought I’d ever thought came rushing back to me. Pressure stung behind my eyes, and I had to resist burying my face in my hands. Couldn’t hide the sob that forced its way from my throat, though.

His grin widened, thinking he was winning. “You’re gonna come with me, and we’re gonna go back home, and then you’re gonna apologise for the agony and embarrassment you’ve caused me.”

I took a deep breath, steadying my voice. “Have you been eating paint? I’m not coming with you. Not now, not ever.”

His eyes flashed black again, sending icy chills down my spine. “You ungrateful bitch. You don’t have a fucking choice, you hear?” With his friend in tow, he came closer, but stopped dead when Sam and Dean stepped forward. My eyes flicked to the ceiling and back, slowing my racing heart a bit. They were bang on cue.

“Who are these fuckers?” James hissed, eyeing their guns, and their fierce expressions. “When I get my hands on you… you…” He hiccupped with rage.

“This is Sam and Dean,” I said relatively calmly. “I’m helping them on a case and in return they offered to help me.” No harm in tweaking the truth a bit.

“Oh shit,” the other guy groaned, closing his eyes slowly. It was the first thing I’d heard him say, and his despair gave me courage to smile. Finally I dared to hope. And when I heard him mutter about a trap, I realised I was so close to freedom I could practically smell it.

“What was that?” James asked absentmindedly, eyes focused on Sam and Dean. His friend just shook his head, and James let it go. Instead, he turned his fiery glare at me, and at that point the only thing that kept me on my feet was the comforting warmth radiating from Sam. “Really, Y/N? After all I did for you, you go and… and whore around with strangers?”

A deep growl on my right went straight to my spine, making the hair on my neck rise. I didn’t know Dean Winchester very well, but I knew he was about to rip James’ throat out. It was an oddly comforting thought.

“Are you that bad at what you do that you need a handler?” Dean asked, rolling his eyes. “Pathetic. Here’s the thing,” he said, addressing the stranger, much to James’ frustration. He was used to being considered the leader, and didn’t take being ignored very well. “You’ve been a very naughty demon, and we’re going to stop your little games.”

Demon? My jaw almost hit the floor, and I felt my heart thump dangerously in my chest again. James I could handle, sort of, but a demon? A real demon? He looked so… normal. I felt an overwhelming need to lie down. When all this was over, I was gonna need a drink. A large one.

“Screw you,” the demon snarled, making a series of obscene gestures towards us.

“Well, wouldn’t you just love to?” Dean replied with a grin. “Not too keen on your kind, buddy.”

The demon wiggled and squirmed. It looked as if he was struggling hard to get out of a straightjacket.

“Don’t bother,” Sam said, nodding to him. “It’s designed so that you can’t smoke out until we make you.”

James groaned; his eyes flashed black for half a second, and I automatically stepped backwards.

James laughed. “Oh, honey, you have no idea. I’m better now. Stronger. Invincible.”

Now it was the other demon’s time to roll his eyes. Even he was fed up with the drama. “Actually…” he began, but shut up when he realised we were listening. Actually what?

Stepping forward, Sam grinned. He moved like a predator; confident and calculated. It made me feel oddly safe, like a cub protected by a lioness. I knew then that I wasn’t prepared to leave them once this whole ordeal was over.

“Is that what they told you?” Dean growled from the other side of me. “Because it looks to me like they gave you the standard deal.” He shrugged from James’ outraged scowl. “Couple of new powers, bit of strength… How many years did you get? Or did you forget to ask?”

James looked uncertain got the first time that evening. “Y-years?”

“Oh Christ, you really did forget.” Both creatures flinched, and Sam laughed, turning to the demon. “New business model downstairs, huh?”

The demon growled, but that was all it could do. James, on the other hand, launched himself at Sam, only to stop in mid-air as if he’d hit an invisible wall. “What the hell?” He shot a dirty look in the demon’s direction. “Do something!”

“Nothing you can do,” Dean smirked. “Demon trap. You see: dark powers aren’t all that. We have means to stop douchebags like you. And I don’t think I’ve ever met a dumber one. Come on, really? You didn’t think to ask what they wanted in return? Well,” he added with an evil smirk. “Allow me to enlighten you.

When your time is up – and it will be soon, if I know these fuckers, you’ll be a hunted man. They’ll send their hounds after you, and they’ll…” Dean shuddered from some old memory. “They’ll rip you apart, piece by piece. No amount of screaming will help you. The pain will… will drive you insane. And that’s just the beginning.

When you wake up downstairs, you’ll wish you’d never existed. Whatever you can imagine – it’s a thousand times worse. They’ll carve you up, and then put you together, just to do it all over again. You’ll bleed and cry and hurt… Oh the hurt… And I haven’t even mentioned the mid games they play yet…”

James roared. “Stop! I will not listen to you, you insignificant, little shit. You’re trying to trick me, but let me tell you: no man is smart enough to fool me!” He launched himself into a long and sharp rant about all the things he would do to Dean once he got out of the trap.

When he’d used every word he knew, he grew silent, and I couldn’t help but shoot the demon a sharp glare. Really??? He shrugged in reply, rolling his eyes. “Easy soul. Can you blame us for trying to expand?” He nodded to me. “Besides, what do you even care? Not as if he’s done you any good. If anything, you should be happy he’s bound to end up in Hell.”

That was true. Gotta give the demon props for his logic. But still… “Sent him after me, didn’t you? If I hadn’t run into Sam and Dean, I’d probably be dead by now. Or at least wishing I’d be, so…”

“We didn’t send him after anyone, honey. He did that all on his own. And really… who do you think we are, huh?” He pointed to himself. “Bad guys. Duh!”

“Fuck you!” I spat before losing my courage and retreating back to hide behind Sam.

“Got spunk, your girlfriend,” the demon snickered, making James growl loudly.

“Not anybody’s girlfriend,” I snarled back, and the demon threw his hands up in the air while laughing loudly. James looked like he wanted, no – needed to kill someone, but he couldn’t get to us, and he wasn’t stupid enough to take a swing at the demon.

Satisfied that both creatures were stuck for the moment, I turned to Sam and Dean. “What do we do now?”

“Depends,” Sam replied, eyeing James over my shoulder. He was virtually frothing at the mouth, pacing back and forth behind the invisible barrier, swearing and snarling like a feral man. “I doubt exorcising him would work. The demon; probably. But James –“ he spat the name as if it tasted bad, “he’s not entirely human anymore. Not possessed, not a fully fledged demon…”

My stomach sank. “So we let him go?”

“What? No! Not at all. He’ll never be free again,” Dean said, not bothering to conceal the ice cold disgust in his voice.

“We could call Crowley,” Sam suggested with arched eyebrows. “He owes us one.”

“Or two,” Dean agreed.

“Crowley? Who’s that?”

Dean snorted. “He’s uh… a demon. The King of Hell, actually.”

I almost dropped the knife I’d borrowed from them. “WHAT? The k – You’re joking! …and the King of Hell owes you a favour?”

Sam rubbed the back of his neck. “We, uh, helped him and his mother –“

“His mother???”

Dean nodded. “Yes, his mother. It’s a long story. And now they owe us.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This was completely insane. “But how do we know he won’t just, I don’t know, reward him for being an evil sonofabitch?” I jerked my head towards James.

“Oddly enough Crowley has standards. And it pains me to say it, but he’s a man of his word.”

Dragging a hand over my face, I swallowed a groan. “Fine. If you think that’s the right thing to do.”

“Well, we could always kill him,” Dean said with glowing eyes, twirling a large jagged knife in his hand. “But I honestly think that’s going too easy on his greasy ass! It’s up to you.”

“Call Crowley,” I nodded, thinking to myself how crazy my life had turned out the last few days.

A short phone call and a couple of minutes later a handsome man in a black suit appeared out of thin air. By this point, I’d given up trying to make sense of anything, and just gave him a noncommittal smile.

“Hello, boys. What do you two morons want – oh hello there.” He turned to me with a dazzling smile. “I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure. I’m Crowley.” He extended a hand and I took it, more out of intimidation than anything else. It was warm and firm, and there was strength lurking underneath the skin.

“Y/N,” I squeaked, thankful for Sam’s soothing presence.

“Enchanté.” Crowley smiled, kissing my hand. It was a very soft, benign kiss, but I could sense the power on the air around him.

Then he turned back to Dean. “I didn’t know you’d gotten yourself a new pet. Isn’t that winged pain in the ass enough?

“I’m no one’s pet,” I blurted out, momentarily forgetting my fear. “I am wholly and completely my own.”

Crowley set his burning eyes on me with an amused smirk, and I cowered, automatically leaning into Sam. “That you are, love. I can see why you like her so much, Samuel.”

Sam spluttered. “I… I’m not – uh,” he coughed to regain his composure. “It’s Sam, Crowley.”

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, Samantha. No matter what you say to lie to yourself; I can hear that hopeless heartbeat of yours all the way over here. And those pheromones…” He wrinkled his nose. “Jeez, you’ve got it bad, don’t you?”

Dean huffed and stepped forward. He didn’t have time for Crowley’s games right now. “We brought you a present,” he said, waving his hand in James’ general direction.

“Ooh, a surprise. You do know how to spoil a lady, Squirrel,” Crowley said, his gruff and sombre expression almost giddy. “May I ask why?”

I straightened my back and rolled my shoulders, and all eyes fell on me, their gaze tingling over my skin. “This bastard has made my life a living hell – and I am told he sold his soul to you so he could find me when I ran away. It is time he paid for what he stole.” I swallowed, inclining my head slightly, hoping he was as power hungry as I suspected. “Please, Your Majesty. I beg you to take him with you and never to let him go again.”

The tiniest of smiles flitted over Crowley’s face. “Your Majesty, huh? I like her. You should keep her around.”

A series of muted mumbles and expletives came from James, who still hadn’t quite figured out he was screwed.

“Shush,” Crowley hissed, flinging his hand out, causing James to go completely silent. “Losers like you bore me. But who am I to deny a fair maiden’s plea?” He let out a long whistle, and something large brushed my leg. Looking down, I saw faint paw prints in the dust on the floor, but nothing else. But something was breathing; a sloshing, slow murmur, and sharp claws scraped the hard floor.

“Good girl,” Crowley cooed, reaching out to pat the air. A soft whine came from nowhere. “This lovely lady here brought you lunch. Go get him, Juliet.”

I felt Sam’s hand on my shoulder as Juliet, whatever she was, whooshed past me. “Close your eyes,” he whispered. “You don’t wanna watch this.” He firmly turned me around, and I hid my face in his shirt.

I’m glad I didn’t watch. The sounds were more than enough: Breaking bones, ripping skin and sinew, James’s screams mixed with Juliet’s snarls, then pleas for mercy, before all that could be heard was a wet gurgle and then silence.

“Good girl,” Crowley said again. “I’ll leave you to clean up the mess. But I think I’ll take you with me.”

There was a soft scraping, then a faint “No, please, my King,” and then nothing. The power that saturated the air dissipated, and I finally dared to look. The demon was gone, so was the King, and though the floor was bloody and littered with bits of flesh and unidentifiable body parts, someone had covered the body with hay.

“It’s not a pretty sight,” Sam said, putting his arm around me and squeezing me close. “Hey, Dean, I’m gonna go get the gasoline.” He took my hand and led me to the car. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

When he and Dean came back, flames were licking the walls of the barn; the colours and heat wrapping us in a comfortable cocoon.

Wiping my face, I let out a tired laugh. “I need a drink!”

“Alright. Let’s get out of here,” Dean grinned, sliding in behind the wheel.’

Sam turned to me. “And then, let’s talk about the future.”

Tagging my awesome crew:

@awesomeahwu @brynleewolfe @funwithfanfics @babeinthebowtie @savingapplepie-eatingthings @winchesterprincessbride @savvythedork @littlegreenplasticsoldier @youtubehelpsmesurvive @blackcherrywhiskey @mrswhozeewhatsis @schwarzwaelder-kirschtorte

#supernatural fanfic #sam x reader #reader insert #sam winchester #dean winchester #crowley #demons #not fluff #Hiding no more #writing is hard #long fic

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