#think that line is ''i hate being gay'' with no factoring in of the great many things that have happened to him which alienate him further

[bylertruther]

do you ever think about how will probably wishes he was braver?

that he could tell mike the truth about himself without having to speak in code. that he could stick to his guns when he's been wronged and stand up for himself rather than tucking tail and turning the other cheek. that he could be less shy, less sensitive, less cowardly, and maybe then his loved ones wouldn't forget about him as often as they do.

maybe then they would pick him first, rather than leaving him for last. maybe then they would want to hang out with him and hear what he has to say. maybe then they would treat him like they used to, like he can still take care of himself just like they can, instead of like a fragile little thing that they pick up only when they need him. maybe then they would care about him as much as he cares about them. maybe then he wouldn't doubt that it could all come crashing down once they know who he really is, and always has been, because the rest of him would've been enough.

like, maybe he wishes he didn't freeze or run away so much. maybe he wishes he wasn't so afraid all the time, of every little thing. that he could be brave like mike, el, or his mom. i mean, el's been through so much, too. why can't he be more like her? why does he have to hide behind her? he hides behind her when the monsters come crawling back, and he hides behind her when he can't bring himself to say what he really means—even after getting on her case about it.

he spent so much time on that painting. he didn't let anyone see it—it was that special to him. why couldn't he own up to that? there's no monster in the van with him; it's just him and mike and this painting of the party, nothing inherently incriminating or romantic, and still—he can't help himself. he retreats back into the shadow, shrinks into himself, and tells lie after lie to the person that he never lies to, that he knows doesn't fucking deserve that, just because he's too scared.

of course he'd feel like a mistake sometimes. of course he'd hate who he is (if That script is to be believed), when he can't even talk to the one person that would understand without lying straight to his face, over and over again, like a fucking hypocrite. of course he'd feel so lost without the person that tells him it's okay to be this way and shows him that there is indeed strength in it. of course he'd hate who he is when he's encouraging someone to be true and speaking about their courage, all while being incapable of taking his own advice, and giving the credit for all of his love and efforts and emotions to someone else.

so many people died to bring him back, so many people died just because he didn't stay dead when maybe he should have, and for what? so that he can continue to hide rather than live his life? so that he can turn into a "worse" version of himself? so that he can live in fear? so that he can continue to ache for a past that he can never return to, while everyone else moves forward and berates him for not doing the same? time stopped in the upside down when will went missing, and he's been stuck there ever since, too. too much has happened for him to move on from. too much has changed—he's changed. he's too different now, in every way, and the older he gets the more clear it becomes.

of course he'd feel like a mistake. of course he'd hate who he is. he's the common denominator here: in his loneliness and in this war. the boy who came back to life when others didn't. the boy that got possessed and couldn't fight it. the boy that turned into a liar and a coward and must learn to live with it, even if it's at his own expense. the boy that can't let go of the past and whom the past won't let go of either, because even after everything, he's still connected to this great evil that won't let him go. they got it out of him, and yet the tether remains, because of-fucking-course it would.

just—why? why him? why can't anything ever go right with him? why is he always the outlier? i think that overwhelming amount of fear, shame, grief, guilt, exhaustion, and loneliness would wear anyone down, let alone a teenager that never asked for any of it and has experiences so unfathomably unique that the only other people that could have possibly understood are literally dead.

#will byers #byler #mine #long post #will #anyway. this is how i always interpreted the i hate WHO i am line especially in conjunction with the word ''mistake'' + being different #within the context of EVERYTHING that's happened to will and continues to happen to him and how unique it is to him in this narrative #bc rly. if you were will.... wouldn't you feel like a mistake? even outside of that outside of the supernatural i'm speaking to my #friends that have ''Something Wrong'' with them. when something happens to you and you're not the same after and you're surrounded #by people who are able to move on and be normal—don't you ever have those moments where you feel like a mistake? when you're #growing up and still interested in your same old interests but your friends start moving on and then you see that they went back to #those interests in your absence—don't you feel like you were the problem then? when people are able to be brave and you can't #find it within yourself to overcome your fear—don't you hate that feeling? don't you feel that negativity towards yourself when you #know that you SHOULD do something but you can't bring yourself to and it works against yourself? like. everything that has happened #to will E V E R Y T H I N G !!!!!!!!!!!!! can easily make anyone no matter what part of him you relate to the most understand that #u kno wht i mean? anyway. i jus wanted to bring this up bc his life is a fucking tragedy even without the gay stuff n his current pov on th #and the way that That conversation always centers on fear and bravery it's like. obviously being gay is not easy in that era but i don't #think that line is ''i hate being gay'' with no factoring in of the great many things that have happened to him which alienate him further #as well as with how he does want mike to know and his alan turing poster and his talk with jonathan etc etc #his conflict has always centered around how other people treat him and his issue with that bc that's what makes him feel bad #that just because he's different that doesn't mean that he's Different and must be treated as such #he's different and has people that make him feel BETTER for it like look at s2 for example all of those talks abt using what he perceives #as a weakness abt himself as a strength that no one else can bring to the table. and in s3 when he still believed in being a nerd #and never getting girlfriends etc but when it came from mike thts when he called himself stupid n started down this path bc now #there's that sprinkle of doubt. n tht doubt is the scariest thing in the world—understandably so #also. he literally has an evil monster in his brain like bdkfjhsbkdjhfbskj IT'S JUST A LOT. #he is different for many reasons and has even more reasons to hate Who he is the kind of person that he is #jus my take 😁👍

[rainbowdaisy13]

I agree the ‘fuck the patriarchy’ keychain is a literal keychain rather than words spoken. to me this still has multiple interesting meanings. firstly that if you know what we know, you’re inclined to think huh that’s totally a woman’s keychain.

I also agree that taylor wrote the atw10 lyrics more recently, and that she’s playing to the swiftie audience with it, ie playing into the idea it’s about a man (they think it’s Jake G, right?). this gives quite a clever meaning: he’s the kind of man who endorses feminist slogans superficially. but is careless about actually implementing them = because of how he tossed the keys, she’s staring at this feminist slogan on the ground, realising she, a woman, has to get down on the ground and sort of grovel to pick them up, because of his careless actions. it’s his hypocrisy that she’s being confronted with. this echoes the theme she’s pushing with the film of ‘feeling used by an older man, when you thought it meant so much more’.

this keychain hypocrisy also works when you read the lover as a woman - she’s being a poor ally to her partner who’s a fellow woman. women can use other women too, and she’s more likely to be outwardly feminist, making the hypocrisy hurt more when she doesn’t treat taylor right. I think some people are missing how hurt taylor is by seeing that slogan on the ground, left for her to pick up, and how cleverly efficient with meaning the line is.

also I’ve been thinking about a wild meta layer of meaning do bear with me here - I was watching brokeback mountain recently. I literally had to pause when Jake’s character (jack) gets tossed some car keys, fumbles and has to pick them up off the ground. I was like omg taylor did you???? reference this moment? jack’s homophobic father in law is the one who tosses him the keys. despite being married to a woman, it’s implied jack’s extramarital flirtations and affairs with men is gossiped about around town, and seems to be a contributing factor to his father in law hating him. as shown in actions like carelessly tossing him the car keys in this scene. crazy and meta ik, but not hard for me to personally believe that taylor was like ‘oh you want a song about jake? how about I reference his closeted gay cowboy movie’ ajkqkjdjflfmnslkd

This is so great thanks Anon!!!

[practically-an-x-man]

For the character thing. Warren Worthington, Viktor from Arcane, and... the Corinthian

Ooh okay!

Send Me A Character and I'll Give You....

Warren

1: sexuality headcanon - oh he's very much bisexual. I'm surprised they haven't made it canon yet tbh 2: otp - canon-wise, him and Psylocke. Though is it wrong to say my own OC too? 3: brotp - I like the idea of him and Kurt making up after the fight and eventually getting to be really good friends 4: notp - I see people shipping him with Bobby and I don't really get it? No harm to those shippers just not my cup of tea 5: first headcanon that pops into my head - hates hospitals and gets severe medical anxiety after what his father put him through in his childhood. Thankfully his healing factor is usually strong enough to avoid it though. 6: favorite line from this character - "Sometimes I feel unimportant, like all I do is catch those that fall. But I look like an angel. People call me an angel. And though I'm not taking names, I'm the one who is most visually saving lives. I'm doing alright, and dammit, I'm an X-Man" 7: one way in which I relate to this character - only one? uhhhhh how about all the rampant unexplained medical issues that first sprung up at age 12 and had me locking myself in the bathroom? among a lot of other things 8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character - there's one moment in the comics where he's kinda misogynistic towards Jean? It's from one of the very first X-Men runs from the 60s 9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave? - both, and I mean that genuinely. Un-brainwashed he's a bit more of a cinammon roll, but then there's everything in the Apocalypse arc...

Viktor (fair warning I haven't watched Arcane in a while)

1: sexuality headcanon - gay, possibly ace or demi 2: otp - him and Jayce I guess? I don't really have one tbh 3: brotp - Don't really have one of these either. I guess it could be fun to see him and Jinx make friends, since they're both kinda inventors and that could be interesting 4: notp - none? Look After is literally the only Arcane fic I read right now, so I don't really know who he gets shipped with to begin with 5: first headcanon that pops into my head - uhhh everyone has chronic lung problems from the pollution in the Undercity but it affects him worse because he's prone to asthma/bronchitis/other lung conditions 6: favorite line from this character - "We lost ourselves. Lost our dream. In the pursuit of great, we failed to do good." 7: one way in which I relate to this character - Joint problems babeyyy 8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character - none? Been a while since I've seen the show, don't remember any specific moments 9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave? - Cinnamon roll

Corinthian

1: sexuality headcanon - not a headcanon but Neil Gaiman's confirmed he's pan and I like that 2: otp - again, do my OCs count? Nothing compares to Prometheus 3: brotp - don't really have one, but I want him and Hob to dish about Morpheus being a little bitch (/j) 4: notp - Corintheus. I get that it's popular but Dream's technically his creator and that just... gets weird to me. 5: first headcanon that pops into my head - he's got a soft spot for kids and genuinely doesn't want to hurt/scare them, it's the adults he gets fed up with 6: favorite line from this character - "You ever notice that people only ever use your name when you're in trouble? 'Get over here, Jed!'" (it's not the most impactful line of his but I think the delivery is really fun) 7: one way in which I relate to this character - on a simpler note... general Southern-ness I guess? But also the themes of being neglected/seen as inherently flawed by a parent (which... may be a repeat trend for me, just look at Warren lmao) 8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character - In the comics, when he gets remade the first time and is first relearning about the Dreaming and what happened. It's a great scene overall, there's just something about the way Dream and Matthew talk to him that feels a little weird to me. 9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave? - Problematic fave, no doubt

#my friends!!! #answered asks #ask game

[buckevantommy]

Sorry do you hate marvel or not? You reblogged a gif set from moon knight, that straight up nonsense show, saying they should give a show to one of the supporting characters? You know if you hate marvel media you can just not watch it right

marvel needs to die a fiery death.

i love stucky but the studio either queerbaited or was clueless or queerphobic plus steve's endgame made no sense. i love rdj's tony stark but he deserved better. they sexualised natasha to the nth degree rather than let scarjo work her drama muscles then killed her off rather than let her retire. moon knight was a mess but it was heartwrenching and different and oscar isaac deserves an award for that portrayal and i have a crush on layla and think may would crush a solo show - an egyptian superhero! (sidenote: i watched hawkeye recently and hated it but the deaf woc who got a redemption arc is getting her own show which is great).

i can care about characters and still hate their treatment - I'm an spn fan, it's second nature for me.

one of the many problems with the mcu is they're churning out multiple shows and movies per year which means they're not giving time to flesh out characters and plots like they deserve to be but it ALSO means a lot of eyes are on them bc when you crank out that much content in this day and age you HAVE to give diverse representation so we're seeing more and more poc characters in shows and on the big screen thanks to the mcu - eternals, shang-chi, moon knight, ms marvel, echo, blue beetle - and yes the mcu's diverse rep is problematic bc they care more about flash than substance and more about algorithms than grounded characterisations but you can't deny that the mcu has helped bring diverse casting into mainstream media. the worst company you know did a good thing, or however the saying goes. think back to the first avenger movies and how whitebred supermodel cishet they were. but thanks to societal influence and the changing of times, it became a necessity to have more poc characters in the mcu. the audience expected it.

however when it comes to queer rep, we've seen a lot more racially and bodily diverse casting and poc characters than we have queer characters. the first onscreen gay kiss took 26 movies and happened in Eternals, and other queer characters have been blink and you'll miss it moments or throwaway lines many viewers don't realise signified queer characters and instead misinterpreted those comments as humour or commentary. we've had a few queer side characters (negasonic x yukio, ayo x aneka, valkyrie, korg) but we're to yet to see a main queer character - and regardless of intention or comic book canon, throwaway lines, possible flirting, and jokes do not qualify as queer rep imho. so loki, deadpool, and tony stark don't count. it has to be explicit and undeniable, not catered to queerphobes so they can easily misinterpret.

but my point is: the mcu is a powerhouse that's been dominating the superhero genre and blockbuster charts for two decades, and from their success they've bet big in planning and putting into production dozens of shows and movies set to be released over the next decade. and that is a terrifying thought. they can't predict the future but they're trying to create content to fit a world that hasn't come into being yet. they're already behind the times on queer rep so i dont have high hopes for whatever they have coming queer-rep wise. but aside from that, their storytelling has become trite and so convoluted that they trade sense for the surprise factor. they're writing characters and plots to fit algorithm parameters like someone trying to say every buzzword in their work presentation. just look at Quantumania: a mess from start to finish in plot, dialogue, characterisations, not to mention stilted acting from a cast forced to act the majority of the film on greenscreen with no physical interactions to ground their performances.

i could go on and on but this post would get long and i'm no expert I'm just your average viewer and tumblr user looking for plots that make sense in stories i want to enjoy because i care about (or want to care about) the characters. if only the mcu cared as much about their characters as they do about big budget seizure inducing interdimensional battle scenes. as for genuine queer rep: maybe in 3 years we'll see a pair of same-sex lips gentle colliding like two pale coconuts. or maybe the mcu will crash and burn (or fizzle out) long before then.

i wanna be done with their stranglehold on the genre since they can't even produce decent shit these days. i want all the strikes going on atm to see creative teams get what they're owed. i want the next dozen mcu productions to flop so they realise they're not hot shit anymore. i want the streamer service upheaval to screw over their longterm plans. i want viewers and bloggers and journalists to call them out for being like the very villains they set up for their heroes to defeat - villains who want to control the cinematic universe, kill off competition, and screw over anyone they consider beneath them.

so yes, i hate the mcu. but there are characters i care about, and plots i wish were done better. but that's why fanfiction exists.

#anti marvel #anti mcu #.​txt #diverse characters #queer characters #representation matters #lgbtqia

[bciwasinlove]

Holiday lyric analysis

So Ekta [@thoughtsthatarehardtoexpress] and I were discussing our thoughts we had on the leaked louis song "Holiday" and a possible meaning. I heard a few people had a similar thought process but I have not seen anyone share these thoughts on here and since Ekta's been to busy to share her thoughts I thought I would just share our combined thoughts.

A lot seem to think this song was about himself and I personally was like idk but after giving it more thought and listening to the song more I realized I definitely don't feel the same and Ekta never did. Holiday appears to be a song shading someone else.

The one we think he is shading is none other than Salmon Cowbell himself. "We all hate that piece of shit good for nothing idiotic asshole" [great quote Ekta] but no one hates Cowbell more than louis. This song appears to be one of the shadiest songs we have heard from louis and we can't stop ourselves from interpreting the shadest song ever about the shadest dude to ever come in contact with louis.

There are people who think louis is singing about his alter ego and get that vibe from these starting lines.

" He lives like the weekend, it's vodka and chainsaws, wears vintage Reebok that he overpaid for. "

But Salmon Cowbell has been known for his heavy partying, drinking and collection of vintage things, especially vintage shoes.

" Arrives when you're leaving / stays when the lights come on. "

The first part of this line could allude to when 1D got eliminated from x-factor and that is when Cowbell swooped in signing them to his label and in his eyes "saving them from going back to their regular lives." Cowbell who unlike the lies he tells had no problem letting them go pre live shows, pre fame/fans bc it was Nicole who saw potential in them and wanted them to stay. Cowbell didn't give af about them until he saw the fanbase they started to grow on the live shows aka he saw the $$$ he could make off them.

The second part of that line is Cowbell staying and wanting 1D around once the "lights were on" aka the fame, the fans and money became a fisable thing. Once again he did not care about 1D until they started gaining a fanbase on the live shows thus realizing he could make a ton of money off them.

" Says I look like someone, someone he met in Spain. We had the deepest talk, I said that's a mistake but he won't let it go. / I think he's gonna break, this guys got nothing good to say. "

Salmon Cowbell has a villa in Spain which was used as "louis judging house" in 2018, where 1D first performed as a group for Cowbell back in 2010 and overall is seen as Cowbell's "xfactor ville" so maybe Cowbell met someone during all those days over the years he went/lived there that reminded him of louis.

Louis then saying "we had the deepest talk" alludes to Cowbell talking about the industry, closeting, fake gfs and what not to the 1D boys or in this case louis since this is louis song/perspective. Louis follows it up with that talk was a mistake meaning those "needed meetings" never lead to anything good.

Que the infamous "louis meeting" where louis and louis only was flown out to LA for a meeting with Cowbell the day after 1D performed at a gay bar. We all know El and image changes happened soon after. All of "their talks" lead to shit like this thus "talks were a mistake" and "he got nothing good to say." He knows the things Cowbell tells him is fucking bullshit and all lies. Plus the "I think he's going to break" meaning he can't keep up with the bullshit and lies forever the truth will come out eventually.

Also the line right after louis says "it's a mistake" is "he won't let it go" aka the deep talks aka the shitty conversations they had involving louis sexuality, relationship and having to hide it is something Cowbell wouldn't let go. Mainly when louis would fight back believing it wasn't a big deal to be 🏳️‍🌈 or being with Harry. How he wasn't going to change so giving him fake gfs is bullshit and a waste.

I personally think Modest/Cowbell believed in the early days if they got louis some "pretty gf" it would "change louis" and he would forget the "puppy love" he had for Harry. Some of louis songs allude to "certain people" thinking their love wasn't serious nor would it last. Obviously louis proved to them that wasn't going to happen and they were wrong.

" It's all a holiday, until somebody gets hurt. It's all a holiday, until somebody gets hurt. "

This line is the chorus and heart of the song meaning more than people realize. "It's a holiday" to me seems like he's talking about being in a famous boyband making a ton of money and how it's all fun and games until "someone gets hurt." Like humm young louis and young harry innocent and happy to get a chance to be a star [with taste of that on the xfactor] but then forced to get a fake gf when the band starts really taking off to hide the fact their in love bc "the band won't do well if people know you're in love with you're fellow band mate."

The holiday line is repeated throughout the song [Ekta adds] this is louis mostly talking about 1D beginnings, when 1D all first took place which was their x-factor journey and as a group that took place in spain with Cowbell. That Spanish ville owned by Cowbell was the start of their take off to fame and it all appeared to he the start of a fun holiday. The life of a star seemed like a fun holiday until the behind the scenes truth came out the heigher up on the fame mountain they climbed.

" His life's like a movie but nobody's watching. He smokes like he's James dean. "

Cowbell's life is definitely like a movie once being one the biggest names in the UK and even US music industry constantly having different young and pretty women on his arm as eye candy. Though hes not someone whos life people truly care about and nobody knows the real him, how shit he is behind closed doors.

The line "he smokes like he's james dean" is especially interesting bc we all know the story behind james dean who had a secret gay lover and smoked a lot so people think the song is definitely about louis himself because of this line but what some may not know is Cowbell smokes a lot, even more than louis and there are B&W smoking pics of him which was a JD staple back in the day.

I think I'm missing a key thing ..... 🤔 OH YEAH rumors of SALMON COWBELL BEING GAY AND HAVING A NOT SO SECRET GAY LOVER. [Look up his "close friend" Paul McKenna.] Cowbell seems like the definition of internalized homophobia. Probably hates seeing someone like louis so proud of being something that Cowbell is so ashamed of himself.

" Slow shadows boxing [...] Tried to be cool but can't let the night move on, asking for cigarettes. "

The "trying to be cool, asking for cigarettes" part gives "niall the bad boy niall the church boy more like it" vibes from louis. Cowbell thinks he's cool like james dean but louis is just laughing at him because he knows Cowbell is nowhere near james dean level.

Lastly the three worded line "slow shadow boxing" is how these shadows are like a box that are holding him hostage. These shadows are boxing louis in. He's always been told what to do and how. These shadows could be Cowbell himself [and the rest of his shitty team] who boxed louis into a corner for a long time trying to stop him from reaching his full potential or from being free to do as he wishes. Louis knows though he will get the last laugh and will come out on top in the end just you wait.

The song Holiday being about Cowbell would make sense as to why it wasn't put on the album. It just over all seemed like a very shady song towards someone who wasn't himself and who else would he shade to this extent besides Cowbell.

So yeah this is our thoughts would love to know if anyone else maybe got a similar vibe ??? 🧐

#louis songs #leaked louis song #louis demo #holiday song #holiday analysis #shade song #towards #salmon cowbell #perhaps #???

[teaveetamer]

Since you've written a lot of Dimidue, I wanted to ask about why it appeals to you. As a fellow Dimidue shipper, I'm always intrigued about why other fans gravitated towards it. Personally, I multi ship Dimidue, Dimilix, Sylvix so I'm not a "die for one ship" type of fan lol. But the 8 Blue Lions are so ship able together that they're all so easy to poly ship as well. There's very little I won't ship in the Blue Lions because they're all so interesting and well written and great dynamic together

Idk to be honest because it definitely wasn't my main when I started with the fandom. I think it was a couple of factors:

#1 I honestly just didn't expect to like it as much as I did.

I don't hate the lord/retainer dynamic in FE, it's just that usually the execution leaves a bit to be desired. Like Leo/Niles. I don't hate it, but it was always missing something to really sucker punch me and get me on board. Never really knew what it was though, until Dimidue came on the scene.

I think what really took them over the line was just like? How much of a unit they already seemed to be? I mean you literally cannot escape them talking about each other. Even Dimitri has dialogue in 3H where he explicitly talks about Dedue. It's very clear that whatever feelings they have toward each other, they're mutual, and it turns out that was what I was missing from the previous lord/retainer dynamics. All of those tended to be more one-sided on the part of the retainer, so a ship with the lord/retainer dynamic where they're equally invested (and if they aren't you could definitely make the case that it's the lord who is more invested?) Sign me up.

2) There's just so much to work with

I mean you have their supports, which are super gay don't get me wrong, but like? You also have Dedue's return at Myrrdin in AM, or their death scene in CF, or Dedue's revenge quest in VW, and all of their explore sections and dialogue where the two of them stand together quite often, and their whole untapped pre-academy history. AND THEN on top of THAT we got Three Hopes with even more Dimidue

3) It's kind of different from what I'd been doing?

I love Sylvix too, don't get me wrong, but I think part of the reason I gravitated less toward reading and writing it is because... I mean people made the joke that Sylvix was just nu!Leokumi and they aren't... entirely wrong... I mean they aren't identical or anything but the Takumi-to-Felix pipeline is pretty apparent and Leo and Sylvain are both sad boys with daddy issues.

So yeah I spent like five years writing a ton of Leokumi stuff and then Sylvix was feeling a little too similar to me. Dimidue was a completely different dynamic with completely different character archetypes and I found that really appealing, so I think I gravitated toward that a lot

4) This might be shallow but I'm over giving a fuck lmao. I like bottom!Dimitri pretty much exclusively and Dimidue was the only ship that would consistently feed me.

5) Dimidue being a smaller ship I also felt kind of protective over it? Not like I own it or anything but like. This is a precious seed that needs to be nurtured and babied into fruition. So a lot of my Dimidue stuff just comes from me wanting to fill out the archive with more quantity and variety of stuff for them, because it's kind of a bummer when you go to a ship's tag and there's only like ten fics and they're all G rated fluff (or if you wanna get spicy, E rated fluff with lots of hand holding and eye contact. I love that for Dimidue, but I also want Dimitri to choke on a cock and call someone daddy sometimes, y'know???)

I wouldn't say I set out to be a mono-shipper btw. I don't mind shipping characters with others, but I think I just naturally gravitate toward having an OTP.

[shkspr]

hi. on your post where you may or may not have ended on 'moffat is either your angel or your devil' did you have maybe an elaboration on that somewhere that i could possibly hear about. i'm very much a capaldi era stan and i've never tried to defend the matt smith era even though it had delightful moments sometimes so i wonder where that puts me. i'd love to hear your perspective on moffat as a person with your political perspective. -nicole

hi ok sorry i took so long to respond to this but i dont think you know how LOADED this question is for me but i am so happy to elaborate on that for you. first a few grains of salt to flavor your understanding of the whole situation: a. im unfairly biased against moffat bc im a davies stan and a tennant stan; b. i still very much enjoy and appreciate moffat era who for many reasons; and c. i hate moffat on a personal level far more than i could ever hate his work.

the thing is that its all always gonna be a bit mixed up bc i have to say a bunch of seemingly contradictory things in a row. for instance, a few moffat episodes are some of my absolute favorites of the rtd era, AND the show went way downhill when moffat took over, AND the really good episodes he wrote during the rtd era contained the seeds of his destruction.

like i made that post about the empty child/the doctor dances and it holds true for blink and thats about it bc the girl in the fireplace and silence in the library/forest of the dead are good but not nearly on the same level, and despite the fact that i like them at least nominally, they are also great examples of everything i hate about moffat and how he approached dw as a whole.

basically. doctor who is about people. there are many things about moffats tenure as showrunner that i think are a step up from rtd era who! actual gay people, for one! but i think that can likely be attributed mostly to an evolving Society as opposed to something inherent to him and his work, seeing as rtd is literally gay, and the existence of queer characters in moffats work doesnt mean the existence of good queer characters (ill give him bill but thats it!)

i have a few Primary Grievances with moffat and how he ran dw. all of them are things that got better with capaldi, but didnt go away. they are as follows:

moffat projects his own god complex onto the doctor

rtd era who had a doctor with a god complex. you cant ever be the doctor and not have a god complex. the problem with moffats era specifically is that the god complex was constant and unrepentant and was seen as a fundamental personality trait of the doctor rather than a demon he has to fight. he has the Momence where you feel bad for him, the Momence where he shows his humility or whatever and youre reminded that he doesnt want to be the lonely god, but those are just. moments. in a story where the doctor thinks hes the main character. rtd era doctor was aware that he wasnt the main character. he had to be an authority sometimes and he had to be the loner and he had to be sad about it, but he ultimately understood that he was expendable in a narrative sense.

this is how you get lines like “were the thin fat gay married anglican marines, why would we need names as well?” from the same show that gave you the gut punch moment at the end of midnight when they realize that nobody asked the hostess for her name. and on the one hand, thats a small sticking point, but on the other hand, its just one small example of the simple disregard that moffat has for humanity.

incidentally, this is a huge part of why sherlock sucked so bad: moffats main characters are special bc theyre so much bigger and better than all the normal people, and thats his downfall as a showrunner. he thinks that his audience wants fucking sheldon cooper when what they want is people.

like, ok. think of how many fantastic rtd era eps are based in the scenario “what if the doctor wasnt there? what if he was just out of commission for a bit?” and how those eps are the heart of the show!! bc theyre about people being people!! the thing is that all of the rtd era companions would have died for the doctor but he understood and the story understood that it wasnt about him.

this is like. nine sending rose home to save her life and sacrifice his own vs clara literally metaphysically entwining her existence w the doctor. ten also sending rose with her family to save her life vs river being raised from infancy to be obsessed w the doctor and then falling in love w him. martha leaving bc she values herself enough to make that decision vs amy being treated like a piece of meat.

and this is simultaneously a great callback to when i said that moffats episodes during the rtd era sometimes had the same problems as his show running (bc girl in the fireplace reeks of this), and a great segue into the next grievance.

moffat hates women

he hates women so fucking much. g-d, does steven moffat ever hate women. holy shit, he hates women. especially normal human women who prioritize their normal human lives on an equal or higher level than the doctor. moffat hated rose bc she wasnt special by his standards. the empty child/the doctor dances is the nicest he ever treated her, and she really didnt do much in those eps beyond a fuck ton of flirting.

girl in the fireplace is another shining example of this. youve got rose (who once again has another man to keep her busy, bc moffat doesnt think shes good enough for the doctor) sidelined for no reason only to be saved by the doctor at the last second or whatever. and then youve got reinette, who is pretty and powerful and special!

its just. moffat thinks that the doctor is as shallow and selfish as he is. thats why he thinks the doctor would stay in one place with reinette and not with rose. bc moffat is shallow and sees himself in the doctor and doesnt think he should have to settle for someone boring and normal.

not to mention rose met the doctor as an adult and chose to stay with him whereas reinette is. hm. introduced to the doctor as a child and grows up obsessed with him.

does that sound familiar? it should! bc it is also true of amy and river. and all of them are treated as viable romantic pairings. bc the only women who deserve the doctor are the ones whose entire existence revolves around him. which includes clara as well.

genuinely i think that at least on some level, not even necessarily consciously, that bill was a lesbian in part bc capaldi was too old to appeal to mainstream shippers. like twelve/clara is still a thing but not as universally appealing as eleven/clara but i am just spitballing. but i think they weighed the pros and cons of appealing to the woke crowd over the het shippers and found that gay companion was more profitable. anyway the point is to segue into the next point, which is that moffat hates permanent consequences.

moffat hates permanent consequences

steven moffat does not know how to kill a character. honestly it feels like hes doing it on purpose after a certain point, like he knows he has this habit and hes trying to riff on it to meme his own shit, but it doesnt work. it isnt funny and it isnt harmless, its bad writing.

the end of the doctor dances is so poignant and so meaningful and so fucking good bc its just this once! everybody lives, just this once! and then he does p much the same thing in forest of the dead - this one i could forgive, bc i do think that preserving those peoples consciousnesses did something for the doctor as a character, it wasnt completely meaningless. but everything after that kinda was.

rory died so many times its like. get a hobby lol. amy died at least once iirc but it was all a dream or something. clara died and was erased from the doctors memory. river was in prison and also died. bill? died. all of them sugarcoated or undone or ignored by the narrative to the point of having effectively no impact on the story. the point of a major character death is that its supposed to have a point. and you could argue that a piece of art could be making a point with a pointless death, ie. to put perspective on it and remind you that bad shit just happens, but with moffat the underlying message is always “i can do whatever i want, nothing is permanent or has lasting impact ever.”

basically, with moffat, tragedy exists to be undone. and this was a really brilliant, really wonderful thing in the doctor dances specifically bc it was the doctor clearly having seen his fair share of tragedy that couldnt be helped, now looking on his One Win with pride and delight bc he doesnt get wins like this! and then moffat proceeded to give him the same win over and over and over and over. nobody is ever dead. nobody is ever unable to be saved. and if they are, really truly dead and/or gone, then thats okay bc moffat has decided that [insert mitigating factor here]*

*the mitigating factor is usually some sort of computerized database of souls.

i can hear the moffat stans falling over themselves to remind me that amy and rory definitely died, and they did - after a long and happy life together, they died of old age. i dont consider that a character death any more than any other character choosing to permanently leave the tardis.

and its not just character deaths either, its like, everything. the destruction of gallifrey? never mind lol! character development? scrapped! the same episode four times? lets give it a fifth try and hope nobody notices. bc he doesnt know how to not make the doctor either an omnipotent savior or a self-pitying failure.

it is in nature of doctor who, i believe, for the doctor to win most of the time. like, it wouldnt be a very good show if he didnt win most of the time. but it also wouldnt be a very good show if he won all of the time. my point is that moffats doctor wins too often, and when he doesnt win, it feels empty and hollow rather than genuinely humbling, and you know hes not gonna grow from it pretty much at all.

so like. again, i like all of doctor who i enjoy all of it very much. i just think that steven moffat is a bad show runner and a decent writer at times. and it is frustrating. and im not here to convince or convert anyone im just living my truth. thank you for listening.

#sorry if this is repetitive or makes no sense or if i got some details of the show wrong #i simply couldnt be bothered to put too much effort into this post #lest it become a research paper and take me several weeks to answer #anyway thats all my opinions #dw #ok to rb

[hearteyesandviolence]

The Wilds Season 2 Thoughts: Episodes 5 and 6

-The boys grew on me here. Maybe it's because I had one of them to properly hate, and so the others got more room to shine. I'm still not entirely sure about the assault storyline, but it certainly gave me a new perspective on the characters.

-I have not come to love Kirin the way some have, but his protectiveness of Josh was really nice.

-That Black Parade joke was solid, gotta give it to them.

-Angsty Goodfoe kisses return and I'm here for it. If Shelby pushed me against a tree to kiss me, I would not have Toni's strength to break it off.

-Toni hiding her little smile when Shelby tells her their relationship is the one thing she's not dying...stop it....stop being so cute....

-Toni whispering Shelby's name while she reassures her.....god it's beautiful....I kind of wish I didn't know what was coming next.

-Fatin exploring Nora's journals is a fantastic character choice.

-My low key Martha/Rachel shipping got a bit of food in a lovely scene.

-God, that last scene on the beach with Rachel was just beautifully shot....part of what makes this show a cut above is that it frequently looks gorgeous.

-Nora's alive! I was pretty sure she would be back when season 1 ended, but I honestly thought Helena Howards, ahem, interesting stance on the vax might prohibit that. I'm glad, because I do love that character.

-Here's part of my issues with the guys. All the girls feel like characters I haven't really seen in media to any real extent. And all the guys feel familiar. They're not bad, but they don't feel as new as the girls.

-Seeing Gretchen in full pathetic mode was interesting. Maybe I was wrong in my earlier assessment that the show doesn't realize how ridiculous she is...

-Toni's high cracking voice in the Mortal Kombat scene is so goddamn endearing. My girl is such a dork in love.

-It's kind of crazy how much peeing factors into my OTP.

-Yes, yes, the “not saying I love you back” is a huge cliché. It also makes sense for her as a character. Yeah, she said it easily once with Reagan, and then she got her heart broken. And now she's given a way bigger chunk of her heart to Shelby. So she's gonna freak out.

-The buddy cop team of Rachel and Leah has been such an unexpected delight.

-I....really don't feel great about the Ivan/Kirin backstory....like, the evils of cancel culture? A loveable white jock being goaded into saying slurs by a black gay man? That feels like the kind of shit Ben Shapiro would dream up.

-Toni sniffing Shelby's sweatshirt....goddamn you, show.

-I still wish Toni had more storyline outside of Shelby, much as I love them, but oh man, the acting in her scene with Martha. It's insane to me how quickly she's able to go from angry to vulnerable.

-Okay, I love the second 'I love you' scene so much...but what did Shelby mean by “I didn't think you'd be back”? Did she think Toni was gonna run off to the other side of the island? Or was that her bracing for a break up.....ooof, that thought makes me sadder, knowing what I know...

-I....did not expect a Ben Folds appearance....I'm...on board?

-I love the Ghost In You callback. Despite it's context, I fell in love with that song thanks to this show.

-Episode 5 was probably the most equally I appreciated the boys and girls story line, and 6 was probably the biggest gap between how much I love the girls story and how little I cared for the boys.

-And now we get into the two episodes I am most dreading. Tonight might be a rough night.

#the wilds #the wilds spoilers #the wilds season 2 #the wilds season 2 spoilers #goodfoe #shoni #shelby goodkind #toni shalifoe #fatin jadmani #leah rilke #rachel reid #Martha Blackburn #nora reid

[washymylifeaway]

Haikyuu fanfic recs for ones I liked hehe

EDIT: I made a pt 2

Anyway, as the title suggests, I am recommending some fanfics for popular(ish) ships that I personally really enjoyed! I’m only doing one or two fics per ship (which in hindsight is KILLING me so I’m just putting the first fics I find and am like I really liked that one LOL) because I wanted to do a shorter fic rec list (tho watch this become super long LOL). I also may or may not be procrastinating finishing a couple other long posts, so there’s that hehe. For the (kinda but not really) public consensus for best fics per ship (by kudo count) check out some of my other posts. Also I’m putting some ships I don’t actually read much of (OOPS LOL) so if you think that there’s a fic that fits my type (if I even have a consistent type) better, pls tell me LOL. Otherwise, pls continue heh :)

As always, pls check WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARIES for fics before reading to make sure you’re taking care of yourselves (since mental health is key!) and stay healthy!

IwaOI:

The Loyalty of a Traitor by DeathBelle (E) 76.9k // ok so does me liking this fic make me basic cause I feel basic LOL. I really love mafia fics, and the way the story line developed was SO good, like IN LOVE with this story. This is a fic where you should read WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARY before diving in, but if the length scares you, don’t be. It’s so easy to fall in and get lost in the writing!

the courtship ritual of the hercules beetle by kittebasu (chanyeol) (T) 66.3k // again, basic? Probably LOL but it’s good so I have no shame ;) Again, pls don’t let the word count scare you (cause it scared me LOL), you get really into it after like 2 paragraphs, so just make sure you have enough time to finish hehe.

KuroKen:

Thicker Than Blood by kylar (M) 91.4k // are you surprised that there is another mafia one? You really shouldn’t be LOL. Anyway, I’ll just be here pushing my mafia fanfic agenda while you read this monster of a fic hehe :) Definitely read WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARY because there is some very sensitive topics involved! I also adore the oibokuroo friendship headcannon, so more reasons to read, right?

Liked, Commented and Subscribed by Royal Society of Pandas (Abarcelos) (T) 45.7k // this fic is SO funny omg. I read it and I had to stop so many times just to laugh because I could not stop sometimes LOL. However, there IS angst towards the end, it gets resolved, but it’s still there... But honestly, it just adds such depth and flavor to the fic, so pls read it!

BokuAka:

bang! now we're even by Authoress (M) 11.9k // so I’ll be honest, I don’t read a lot of BokuAka (...oops?) and so I wouldn’t consider myself as the best person to be recommending fics for this ship (in general too LOL).... ANyway, I love myself some good spy AUs (was gonna put that IwaOi spy AU but the LIMIT), and Akaashi in a dress? Like the tags might state, what more do you need? The characters are done beautifully, and the story development is SO good, so I give you all my humble BokuAka rec.

Crisis Converted by valiantarmor (M) 60k // man do I really love fighting in my fics LOL. This was super good and the plot itself kept me really engaged (what a twist omg). It does talk a bit about mental health issues, but it’s done so well, and they really did this AU justice!

DaiSuga:

How to Manage by SuggestiveScribe (E) 39.3k // ok so yea yea we established, I’m basic, BUT can you blame me? This might’ve been one of the first DaiSuga’s I’ve read and I have no regrets. Literally, this fic series is one of my favorites, so OF COURSE I had to add it somewhere :D Honestly, I don’t even think you need to read the first one to understand what’s going on, but I would just cause it has some funny DaiSuga moments too ;) This is explicit for PWP, so proceed with caution~~

Add New Contact by booksong (G) 8.5k // this one! It’s so cute and poor Daichi LOL. He really out here doing the most,,, Anyway, we love tech Suga, and a nice dash of snarky tsukki (LOL is he salt, yes yes he is). It’s very fluff and pine, so if you want to read Daichi having gay panic like 24/7, go right ahead LOL. 

SakuAtsu:

Burden of Blame by DeathBelle (E) 91.2k // ummmm, haha what, another mafia AU? Me, predictable? Noooo, never..... Anyway, this one was so freakin’ good like, love it so much! It’s one of my favorite mafia AU fics, and I love the story line progression. Poor Atsumu being dragged into this mess, but it’s okay because THEY are IN LOVE. Honestly, this fic is Atsumu best boy like he is the best boy. BEST BOY.

Notte Stellata by awkwardedgeworth (T) 20.9k // I ignored all of the other fics I LOVE in this ship (like the pain I’m in rn), but I love this fic with my whole heart. Like I have reread this fic multiple multiple times because I love it so much (tho I might’ve skipped the angst a couple of times cause I didn’t want the pain okay?). I keep coming back, and the second fic in this series is SO funny and cute and I love it here. Please read it, it’s so FREAKING good, angst and ALL.

KyouHaba:

Team Mom by All_My_Characters_Are_Dead (T) 2.7k // so as I was going through this tag (because that’s what I do LOL), I remembered this fic and I love it. Like yes Yahaba is the fear factor and yes Kyoutani is the DAD. I really like the team dynamics in this one, and the first years make me laugh pls.

Camellias by kiyala (T) 1.9k // IK you’re all like, you’re missing such great fics, like no I’m not I just made myself hate myself by limiting fics to two per,,, I love this fic and when I starting looking for this ship, it was the first one I thought of hehe. I really love magic and their interactions are so cute and the PLANTS ARE DOING THE MOST. Pls read both in the series, cause domestic KyouHaba is best KyouHaba ngl LOL. I love the plants, and if you read the second one, someone tell the trees to stop bullying Yahaba.

MatsuHana:

This gets annoying fast, Makki by Ink_stained_quills (G) 2.3k // IM IN LOVE WITH THIS FIC PLS I COULD NOT STOP CRYING TEARS OF LAUGHTER. This AU needs more fics PLEASE. It was SO freakin’ funny and the other teams KILLED ME. Like how they all approached the problem differently and how some of them (KUROO) asked for help LOL. Please this is so freaking funny go read it.

boiled frogs by reginagalaxia (E) 91.5k // I told myself I was gonna put my most angsty fics on another post (which I will for my other favorite MatsuHana angst fic which I love), but this fic. Omg I saw it and I was like I have to. Literally I have to. I hate angst, but read it. It, the, plot, omg, I jjfnsfknalkjdnf ljksan. Like I’m not sure you understand. This fic. asjfjfsadnldjb. I never thought I could hate a character SO MUCH,,,, like SO MUCH. READ TAGS, WARNINGS, AND SUMMARIES because some serious stuff really goes down. Bless Iwa-chan.

SunaOsa:

Accidentally in Love by pancake_surprise (T) 19.6k // JOSE CUERVO strikes. I love this fic and all the chaos in it. The way they were supposed to be the responsible couple (of friends LOL),,, sike. This one is only a slight angst and it’s mostly love and fun :) Also technically this is no longer the first fic in the series, but I’m still putting this one cause the other one is SakuAtsu orientated hehe :)

Spring Secrets by DeathBelle (T) 3.8k // Seasons might be one of my favorite (as all things also seem to be) series of all times. I don’t like rerecommending fics I’ve already said to read, which is why I’m not yelling at you to go read a certain other fic (which is my life and blood). Anyway, this fic series is all fluff barely angst (maybe that’s why I like it) but it’s so freakin good pls read it all ahhhhhh.

Komori/Suna (what is their ship name):

I wish to live in a world by hatsuna (T) 24.8k // ok ngl this fic was so sad and relatable? Like I was like wtf why are you making me cry rn even though like I shouldn’t be? My heart? Pain. (Hotel? Trivago.) Technically, this is END GAME but the main pairing is kinda SakuAtsu???? Something of the sort, but also their relationship (Komori and Sakusa) is written so well and idk guys I think you need to read this fic rn.

Ah the two fic limit hurt me, but fear not I am making ship specific rec posts (LOL I’m so dramatic), so if you wanted more of a ship,,,, its a coming hehe. And yes I did say I’m making an angsty fic rec post, but we’ll see if it gets finished before I side-track with posts like these LOL.

#haikyuu fanfic rec #why are you guys shipping cousins #why is this a thing #pls what am I supposed to make of SakuKomo #No thank you #what the heck #what is komori and suna's ship name #i can't stop crying about the cousin thing #like im not one to judge interests #but this aint it #I love these fics #am I dramatic? #yes fight me #IwaOi #KuroKen #DaiSuga #SunaOsa #SakuAtsu #MatsuHana #KyouHaba #BokuAka #fanfic #fanfic recs #anime #manga #haikyuu fic recs #haikyuu #hq

[madtomedgar]

books read in march:

Patsy by Nicole Dennis-Benn: I am ambivalent. On the one hand, gorgeous, painfully beautiful writing. Blisteringly well constructed characters. Stunning portrait of intergenerational trauma and depression (seasonal). Manages better than almost anyone I have read to be both sympathetic and unsentimental about her characters. Shows them in their full and glorious range of humanity and shows the very real and awful consequences of their choices without judging or condemning them. A book about an ambiguously lesbian/bi (as in, I don’t think the character herself knows where she falls there, but the defining factor for her is that she loves women) character that isn’t About Being Gay. Really beautifully handles the nuance in how the way some lgbtq people who are closeted try to protect themselves can seriously hurt very young people struggling with their identity. Very no-nonsense portrait of life in the US for an undocumented woman, without veering into tragedy porn. I have NEVER seen a book manage to color-shift between settings the way you can in film before, but this book did. And, also, the ending was SO annoying that it almost ruined the rest of the book. I get why she did it! She wanted, possibly needed, these characters to be able to be Happy, after everything. But it was way too fast! We JUST had the big blow-up and two chapters later, everything was roses! And it was... too much? Like. I’m not trying to say characters or people like this can’t have happy endings but like. She really gilded the lily. I wish things had ended on a Looking Up note, or a like. It’s not ok NOW, but now they have the tools and the drive to make sure it’s gonna be. Or even like. Things really aren’t perfect, but they’re ok, and they’re moving in the right direction. No. It had to be christmas and easter and the fourth of july all at once. Her editor really should have stopped her. So like. Either spoil yourself and then stop before the last section, or be prepared for that. But other than the ending it’s fantastic. Also there is one glaring Why Is This Character Who Sucks Jewish/Raised Jewish HMMM?!?! moment so like. just fyi.

All The Birds, Singing by Evie Wyld: Good writing. I feel like it’s a good airplane read if you like suspense. I think I liked that I kept thinking the scary bad thing in the past was one kind of thing and then being wrong, but I also think I missed a lot of the themes because they are so wound up in Australian class and racial politics. I like the very normal portrayal of sex-work/prostitution. It’s ugly, it’s not fun, it’s not safe, but also, it’s a job, and the women doing it are just regular people. I felt she walked that line really really well. But, I either didn’t get the ending or it didn’t make sense. So, not bad, but not great.

Everything Here is Beautiful, Mira T Lee: Overall very frustrating. Not sure if that was on purpose. The author excels at creating different voices and making them both believable and distinct. There is also a bit of... hmMMMM for me around a couple of things that happen with the Jewish characters but overall I think she handled it really well. I hate that the character with schizoeffective disorder dies. I... ok on the one hand, to me, a lot of the bad things that happen in that character’s life seem obviously tied to the people around her seeing her as a problem to be solved or managed, treating her like A Mental Illness and not a person, and making every single thing she does about med compliance rather than providing good support. However, I’m not sure if that’s what the author, who is a family member of someone with a high-care-need mental health condition, was intending, and my opinion of the book kind of hinges on that. It was a much more sympathetic and human portrayal than I was expecting from a NAMI family member (it’s in her bio) but I’m still a little suspicious and I’m really annoyed that she killed off the mentally ill character the way she did.

The Fire This Time: Young Activists and the New Feminism, Vivian Labaton and Dawn Lundy Martin: Did not finish. Extremely depressing anthology put together by the founders of Third Wave feminism that really just lays out like... how optimistic they were about making feminism about everything! including men in feminism! making it sexy! and like... you can see so, so, so clearly how that got co-opted by advertising and corporations, how it set itself up to fail, and how it really set us up for the antifeminist backlash we’re now in where if you make one vent post about how men suck you are basically evil or something. I feel like I understand how we got to where we are and why so many millenial women don’t seem to have any notion of what the women’s movement or feminism actually is or did other than like. Middle class white women wanting to work corporate and lesbians hating makeup and making vagina art. Kind of wish I didn’t but like. knowledge is a good thing.

#long post

[erin-hollow]

Since I’ve seen Let There Be Carnage already and many people here haven’t, someone told me to write what I thought of it. This will be mostly spoiler-free.

First of all, content warning for the movie: 

physical abuse, verbal abuse (domestic) and some mentions of abuse (parental and domestic), 

a spider, a chicken, and several humans are killed on screen,

violence, blood, and eating people typical of the first movie, 

loud noises, 

flashing, 

something that could be seen as a suicide attempt, 

needles (but no hospitals), 

prisons, (and someone getting locked up just for being different)

kidnapping,

domestic fights,

guns, 

major eye horror, 

something that might trigger emetophobia,

A police officer shoots a black woman (and he’s present throughout the movie)

People (mostly gay men) getting possessed and their minds being taken over without their consent

(spoilers for this one) a black woman is mistreated then is killed

If anyone thinks of others I forgot please tell me.

Now for my thoughts on the movie. This is a very biased review because Venom is one of my special interests. I loved so much of this movie. Carnage’s design was terrifying beyond belief, many of the characters were excellent, and all the acting was great. 

The animation looked really cool. There are scenes where it’s almost impossible to believe that Venom’s floaty head isn’t really there. Tom Hardy has the same great performance from the first movie, and does an excellent job being two characters. The light shining off Venom’s body is beautiful, and occasionally Carnage looks real enough to touch. There’s even a short scene where 2D animation is overlaid over everything else, and the artstyle of it is really cute and creepy at the same time. I will say some scenes are a little dark and hard to see, but... look I’m assuming you’ve seen the trailers. You know how the movie looks. I liked it.

Despite what I’ve heard other people say, the humor wasn’t a big part of the movie for me. That’s not to say it was bad, but it didn’t factor into my enjoyment as much as the other things. The critics are right that it broke the mood of some of the scenes, but I didn’t really mind. Venom has a lot of great little one-liners and insults. He’s by far the most comedic character. Eddie and Dan have a few lines each, and Red has one joke. I thought most of it was really funny.

Carnage was so scary and uncanny that it took a lot of willpower for me not to scream in the theater. In full form he’s just a disgusting red version of Venom, but any time Cletus is mostly human but has some Carnage attributes it’s incredibly unsettling. If you’re a fan of horror, you’ll probably enjoy this movie just for that.

One thing I didn’t like was the queercoding aspect. The coding that they did probably counts as queerbaiting, and the metaphor they use is (in my opinion) homophobic. There is no arguing that the movie is very gay, but they way they went about it rubbed me the wrong way. The movie codes Venom being an alien as him being gay, which wouldn’t be that bad except for the fact that the “alien” traits that they focus on are him killing and eating humans (as in, the fact that he’s not allowed to eat people is the same as discrimination against gay people). The metaphor is also very mixed, especially where Eddie is involved. There’s even a scene where a female character successfully seduces the symbiote. I did enjoy the queer coding, but when it was like that I hated it and *in my opinion* I don’t think it’s something we should be thanking the director about. It’s 2021. Do better.

Carnage and Shriek’s relationship was really cool. For one subplot of a short movie, they managed to a lot with it. The writing of it wasn’t perfect, and Cletus sometimes seems a little inconsistent in this aspect of his character. I have no idea how comic-accurate it is, but I got the vibe very easily without reading the comics.

I’m not the biggest action movie guy, but I could watch that fight scene between Venom and Carnage a million times. It’s so interesting, with so many fun little moments. In my opinion it’s a million times better than the scene between Riot and Venom for several reasons. First, it seemed like the setting was made to serve the fight instead of the first movie where they were just stabbing each other on the launchpad. In LTBC, the setting both serves the actual mechanics of the fight and the aesthetics. Second, the characters have a dynamic, even before the fight. In the first movie Drake and Eddie interact maybe twice, and Riot and Venom’s relationship was never specified beyond them knowing each other. I won’t get into it too much, but here there is a very interesting relationship between Eddie and Cletus, and between Venom and Red, which factors into the fight. This might be a small spoiler, but in LTBC it’s not just the symbiotic pairs fighting each other, instead both sides have people to back them up.

Characterization is a hard thing to talk about without spoilers, but I’ll try. I don’t think any characters from the first movie have been taken out of character. Venom’s street smarts are incredibly inconsistent. Cletus isn’t for everyone but I there are definitely people who will enjoy him. One of Red’s motivations is kind of stupid. Shriek isn’t as active as I would have liked, in fact I strongly disliked what they did with her. If you liked Anne, Dan, and Ms. Chen in the first movie, you’ll like them here.

Overall, I did thoroughly enjoy the movie. It was well worth what I paid for the tickets and I assure you, if you liked the first movie you’ll like this one. Happy watching :)

The end credits scene. This is a SPOILER ALERT, but you’re probably gonna hear about it anyway. I’m still putting it under the cut.

They got teleported to the MCU for some reason that will probably be explained in the next MCU movie. Opinions will vary on this but for me personally I’m pissed off! They left all their friends behind in their own universe, sacrificed one of the things that makes this series so unique (Venom without Spiderman) and broke the MCU’s rules about no multiverses! And for what? to boost ratings? Because The Mouse wanted my favorite gay slimeball? Are they gonna put him on Disney+? Jail for Disney! Jail for Disney for 1000 years!

#venom let there be carnage #venom 2 #movie review #eddie brock #cletus kasady #carnage symbiote #venom: let there be carnage #tom hardy #venom movies #venom

[littlx-songbxrd]

Chain of Iron:Death theory

As the awaited release date for Chain of Iron approaches and the fandom decends into pure madness, I want to put in my last two cents of overthinking before I stop having coherent thoughts

So we all know this is a second book, and second books bring the absolute pain in the shadowhunter chronicles. There is likely going to be a death from the mains considering the theme of this book, and I am here to throw my theory and reasons as to who I think it might be. Im here to sadly theorize about why I think Christopher Lightwood might not make it past the last hours

1. Tatianas revenge

Right now, Tatiana wants revenge after all our main families: the carstairs, herondales, fairchilds and both branches of the lightwoods. For the lightwood-collins theres barbaras death. For the herondales her daughter has been manipulating their son for over 6 years. Theres a theory that the fairy poison Mathew bought that caused Charlottes misscarriage could be traced back to her. And there are other theories that Elias dissaperance between chog and choi could have something to do with Belial. As of right now the only family who is yet to recieve any permanent damage or tragedy are the lightwood-herondales. Which is really ironic considering its the only family that has two bloodlines Tatiana wants to harm. Not only that, but theyre also the children of who Tatiana blames directly for her fathers death, Gabriel. It seems fishy to me there hasn't been any permanent damage in their family, and I dont think that is gonna last for long

2. The family tree

The family tree states that Grace Cartwright (Aka Grace Blackthorn) marries Christopher Lightwood and theyre the ones who continue the line that leads to Alec and Isabelle. Now Cassandra has said varius times the family tree can be misleading, and I am a firm believer this is one of the misleading ends. Why this lie was created, I'm not sure, but lets analize some things. As of right now there are 5 lightwood children. At least 3 of them can pass down the lightwood name. Of those three, if we take into account that Thomas may not have kids due to being gay, that still leaves two branches of lightwood kids that may continue on. As of present time we only have word of one line, Alec and Isabelles. And Robert isnt said to have any cousins, theres no mention in the future of another lightwood line. So the idea that both Alexander and Christopher have kids is pretty unbelivable considering theres only one lightwood line in the future. Unless Alexander goes on to have only girls and Christopher has only one boy, it seems more likely the family tree is wrong. Isabelle and Alec are confirmed as of the bane chronicles to be decendants of Gabriel lightwood (Isabelle makes a reference to looking up her great great grandfather Gabriel Lightwood and telling magnus he was hot in the last story of the book)

So its already confirmed they're a) the last decendants of the lightwood line and b) that line stems from Gabriel. If we based ourselves solely on the family tree and Christopher being the one carrying the line, that would have been believable enough not to raise any red flags. Christopher IS the son of Grabriel Lightwood, able bodied and seems to have a general attraction to women (I mean, we all know hes aro/ace but lets stick with canon). There isnt anything pointing to him not being able to marry and have kids. Where the red flags raise for me is with Alexander

Alexander wasnt in the original plans for the family tree, he was added when Cassie started writting the last hours. If you take into account his role in chog, there really was no reason to add Alexander Lightwood. He doesnt seem to do anything, hes a 3 year old kid, you can very well delete him from the narrative and nothing would change. So why did Cassandra add him?? Why did she decide to make Cecily and Gabriel have another kid ?

To me, it seems a lot like the baby carstairs situation . The family tree says Alastair carries the carstairs line, Alastair is a gay man so he cant have biological kids, theres another unplaned baby to carry the line. It seems to me Christopher carrying the lightwood line is a lie, and Alexanders role is to carry it in his place. I even found a little info from an ask wayy before chain of gold came out where it said Alexander had green eyes, but in the book she changed it to blue eyes. The exact same shade the modern day lightwoods seem to have. A trait hes more likely to pass down than his lavender eyed brother who supposedly "marries" grey eyed grace

3. Character Arc

Characters in literature need goals, things to work for or work towards through the story in order for them to develop. We call those things character arcs, and it seems we have all ignored how christophers may have indirectly ended. If you read his short story, or just overall analize his character, his main goal is simple. He wants to create something that will help the nephlim through science. His personal character arc is that he wants to prove himself and his skill to the clave using his passion to be a hero.

An arc that could have been expanded all through the series, and ended with him using his skills in the end to defeat belial in some way, proving his passions worth. Through the story we could have had a glimpse at his struggles, how he was put down, the failed attempts, fustrations etc. This all could have rounded christopher as a character, and brought more satisfaction to the end goal of his arc which is proving the value of his science. But instead, his arc in book seemingly already ended? Because he did it, he figured out a way to combine science with his duty and saved the entire enclave from the demon poison. He is now acclaimed a hero for his skills. All the other characters have things to finish going into chain of iron, Christopher doesnt. Why would she end an arc that could have taken through the entire series in just one book? Christopher is the only secondary character with a defined personality and a lack of arc to look foward too in following books. This could all point that his arc was rushed because it was being cut short

4. Lightwood blood

There has been a lot of theories going around about Thomas being the one who gets killed in this book, which is resonable considering the unerving amount of forehsadowing we've had to him getting himself caught up in something. But I raise you this, why would CC be giving us so much assurance that Thomas was going to get hurt if she was going to kill him? Not only would she be reaveling one of her most devastating murders, she would basically be spoiling a very big part of her own book. Thomas death would affect everyone, if she WERE to kill him she wouldnt be indulging us in our Thomas death theory as much as she has. Itd be too expectable, I actually believe that by giving us all the info she has she has more or less confirmed he wont die.

I believe this is all a decoy. Shes giving us foreshadowing towards something bad happening to Thomas, to cover up the very big reality shes planning to kill someone else. Theres a very big chance that for the resurection, theyre gonna need Jesses families blood. Same way Malcom needed blackthorn blood to raise Annabel. As of rightnow there arent any blackthorns (by blood) left alive, the only blood relatives Jesse still had are the lightwoods. So we already know Thomas gets captured by the murderer (referenece to the art), but it is most likely he gets rescued. People speculate he most likely got captured for the resurection Tatianas trying to do, because of his lightwood blood. But if Thomas escapes, Tatiana still needs her families blood. And I'd like to point out this is also where the fact she hasnt taken permanent revenge on the lightwood-herondales would come in. Theres a good chance that if the murders are releated to her, and she cant have Thomas, she wont stop at just Thomas.

5. Story relevance

In all sense of story, Christopher is the perfect candidate to kill. As hard as that is to say: he's a secondary character, who has a well defined personality, loved enough by the fans that there would certainly be a shock factor following his death, important enough to the story that there would be a big impact to the narrative, and interwined enough with the main characters to cause emotional distress in the story. His arc is indirectly done, this author has a history of killing lightwoods, there isnt much to discourage the possibility he might be killed besides the faulty family tree. And as I said, that tree has been stated multiple times to be misleading

Bonus prove

6. Christophers cut-out

Same way were analizing the hell out of a broken spear, why are we not talking about the skull on christophers?

(Sorry couldnt get better quality pics)

The truth is, I hate this theory as much as everyone, Im genuinly hoping chain of iron proves me wrong. But there are 5 deaths comming, and not all of them can be side characters. Cordelia Lucie and James all have main character protection. I already explained why Thomas dying is unlikely. Anna, Ariadne and Alastair have gay protection (and I think some asks about Alastair dying were pretty much answered with a discreet no)

If there are mains dying, Christophers the most likely to go

#Trust me I hate this as much as everyone does #CHRISTOPHERS MY FAVORITE LIKE DO YOU THINK I WANT HIM TO DIE- #BUT IT MAKES SENSE #AND I HATE IT #tlh #tsc #chain of iron #chain of gold #the last hours #cassandra clare #chain of thorns #choi #christopher lightwood #lightwoods #chain of iron theories #the last hours rant #the last hours theory #tatiana blackthorn #belial #gabriel lightwood #cecily lightwood #tw: death #theories

[illnessfaker]

"internally-perceived appearance or internally-perceived personal history is not something factored in to how someone is actually subject the the social phenomenon that is race"

I'm curious about how this particular line of thinking applies or doesn't apply to other modes of oppression - say, "passing privilege", visible non-heterosexuality, undiagnosed mental illnesses ('faking it'), closet trans people (especially closeted trans women and their relationship to 'male privilege' etc etc) and a bunch of other things that basically boil down to a mismatch between someone's own subjective experience of oppression versus society's actual mechanisms for that oppression.

It's always been my opinion that, yes, in order for something to constitute oppression it has to actually happen in the real world, some person can't just, 'identify' into it. But I've never been able to reconcile that with, you know, actually believing people about their own experiences.

i hate you (half-jokingly) for sending this because i wanna do creative stuff before i work today but my vyvanse makes me hypergraphic and then i get this nearly essay-prompting ask in my inbox and i'm a weak man.

the statement was in specific reference to both race and osddid stuff so it doesn't have a 1:1 ratio to non-racial and non-osddid stuff, really. gender, sexuality, and mental illness are somewhat similar to race in that they're socially-determined categories that are kinda "made-up bullshit" that don't have any "true" objective essence to them when you get down to it, but gender identity and sexual orientation are much more of a self-determined thing than racial identity typically is (beyond...maybe some situations with racially-mixed individuals but i don't feel comfortable speaking on that whatsoever lol.) but i will try to explain some of this stuff nonetheless because these are also things that people do not understand.

"passing-privilege" (if you're referencing gender identity and sexuality) doesn't have a leg to stand on because how you look isn't the sole determination of how you're socioeconomically located in reference to gender identity and sexuality. while being socially perceived as not apart of a marginalized group to the general public has some varying benefits, that's a flimsy veil that masks suffering as much as it allegedly nullifies it. a gay man who's not open about his sexuality might "pass" for straight at work or to friend groups who he's not out to, but up until a few years ago he would not have been able to legally marry another man. he might have to go great lengths to conceal the fact he's in a relationship with another man at work or with friends because they are homophobic or he fears a homophobic response that might get him fired or put him/his partner in danger. a bi woman who doesn't make her sexuality well-known with a straight boyfriend might have to put up with comments and coercion from him about how he wants to see her do intimate things with another woman, or might face that kind of harassment from other individuals whether she's in a relationship or not. those are just a few examples, even if these people are technically "straight-passing," these are not heterosexual experiences. when it comes to gender identity, an immediate example i can think of is a trans man who passes as male full-time but still has to see an ob/gyn regularly is likely to face discrimination, ignorance, or harassment based precisely on how he passes. that is not a cisgender male experience (barring maybe some intersex cisgender men who may need see an ob/gyn due to their intersexness, but that's not a "privileged" situation either) even if he passes as such to others.

mental illness/disability also are "made-up bullshit" in simplistic terms. undiagnosed mental illness/disability or not realizing you're mentally ill/disabled also doesn't shield a person from sanist or ableist discrimination. exhibiting autistic traits in childhood even without diagnosis or recognition will still people you bullied in school or discriminated against by employers. someone with undiagnosed and unrecognized osddid doesn't lessen the fact there's a risk for suicide due to the lack of adequate support systems for those experiencing complex trauma-related dissociation. people who "fake it" usually have "tells" if it even works effectively in the first place, which may not definitively identify them as "sick in the head" or mentally disabled but others will note that something is "off" and act accordingly. even if someone doesn't really qualify for a psychiatric diagnosis, they might be categorized as mentally ill/disabled or be discriminated on that basis anyway (e.g. a shrink coercively diagnosing a patient with bpd when said patient not actually meeting the symptom profile as a tool for making said patient seem 'manipulative' or 'overdramatic' in reference to their claims of abuse or victimization.)

this also goes for physical illness and disability (which whether that is "made up bullshit" kinda depends on what you're talking about) and that's something i can personally attest to- the fact that i only stopped seeing myself as able-bodied until some time last year doesn't mean stuff like my parents, doctors, and teachers doing things like refusing me pain medicine, ignoring my chronic physical symptoms or blaming them on my diet or lifestyle, scolding me when i couldn't meet their physical demands, etc. aren't magically somehow not forms of ableist violence just because i was successfully manipulated into thinking that what are actually uncontrollable physical conditions, some of which i was born with and one of which my parents even knew about but evidently didn't care enough, were a personal failure on my part. i was still disabled. to add another anecdote regarding mental stuff - i was first diagnosed with adhd at the age of 8. my parents straight-up forgot that happened until i got re-diagnosed with it later, but none of that stopped them from yelling, screaming, beating, or otherwise punishing me for exhibiting traits associated with adhd.

when it comes to transness and gender stuff before coming out, ime the vast majority of trans people already exhibit behaviors and characteristics that are stereotypically gender non-conforming prior to doing so, which earns them harassment, assault, abuse, etc. before they even realize themselves as not being cis. they might be subject to transphobic ideas that still shape them as trans people even if the time they were subject to them was when they didn't see themselves as trans. some trans people don't claim to have this experience and it's not one exclusive to transness by any means, but either way external parties trying to determine whether trans people or a gbtq person had [x] experience prior to coming out is fucking stupid and useless because all it does is lead to further marginalization and it's not like there's some objective measure for determining this stuff since it's purely matter of opinion. some trans women seeing themselves as having had "male privilege" prior to them coming out is not a categorical reflection on trans women as a whole. some trans men seeing themselves as having been women or girls prior to coming out is not a categorical reflection on trans men as a whole.

you're right that believing people about their experiences takes precedence - but that's obviously something done within reason (just because if i hypothetically started to claim i'm transfem despite having been cafab doesn't mean that should be respected and taken seriously) - but when it comes to osddid, alters are not people that exist independently from other alters in a system, they are dissociated parts who collectively form one person, no matter how many rando teenagers on tiktok and twitter insist otherwise.

#asks #Anonymous #gender #sexuality #ableism #sanism #i spent like an hour writing this if it doesn't get notes i'll be pissed ngl.

[fayofthefandoms]

Cartman and Determinism

I've seen quite a few posts about Cartman as of late, and since I'm a big ol' fan of character analysis, I figured I'd throw my hat into the ring :)

Thought #1:

These discussions have largely been centred around why Cartman thinks and behaves the way he does. They operate based on the presumption that no one is just born a bigot, but that instead bigotry is learnt. Many point to Lianne's poor parenting, or his negative interactions with individuals from minority groups, or the racist/sexist/etc culture that he was raised in.

Now, I would consider myself a pretty hard-line determinist. I believe that all events are determined by previously existing causes.

(more under the cut, as I don’t want to clog up people’s dashes...)

When it comes to people's (such as Cartman's) actions, determinism is about interactions which affect our cognitive processes (that's thoughts, decisions, etc) in our life. "It is about the cause, and the result of what we have done in our life," as Wikipedia so aptly pits it. Cause and result are always bounded together in our cognitive processes - you've got to get inspiration for those ideas from somewhere.

Let's take a simple example: today, I chose to wear a pink shirt. Some might believe that I chose that of my own volition. However, a determinist would argue that it was external factors which entirely influenced this decision. Has someone complimented that shirt before? Have I seen someone I admire wear something similar? Have I been swayed by patriarchal gender norms? My environment has lead me to believe that choosing this pink shirt is my best choice, and thus, I take it.

When people discuss what might influence Cartman's beliefs and behaviour, they are, wittingly or unwittingly, doing so through a determinist viewpoint (though how hard/soft their stance is varies). Cartman isn't a bigot because he woke up one day and was like, "Damn, I'm really in the mood to hate Jews :)." His antisemitism flourished because he was in an environment that either encouraged, or at the very least did not discourage antisemitism.

But now I'm going to ask an uncomfortable question: If we believe the above - that our actions and beliefs are determined by factors outside of our control - then how can we hold anyone responsible for those actions?

Now! Before you start to worry! I am not, in any way, shape, or form, a Nazi apologist. I’d even go so far as to say that I fucking hate Nazis! I'm a gay leftist Jew. I have a lot of reasons to.

But it does stand to reason that when we ask the question "Why is Cartman like this?" we are implying that he is not acting of his own free will. And if he didn't choose to be this way, then how can we blame him for it?

Now, a non-determinist might scoff, and roll their eyes. "Oh, Fay!" I hear them cry. "Just because your actions are in some part influenced by external factors doesn't mean that you're not ultimately the one in control of your body and mind. It's still you thinking your thoughts and saying your words."

But... is it? If every action you take has reasoning behind it, and that reasoning is either biological (eg instinct) or taught, then that reasoning is not your own, but someone or something else's. Of course, you may have been taught contradicting views, but again, it is external factors which determine which viewpoint you value higher - from people's social status right down to their elocution.

"So does that mean I can just do whatever I want, and take no accountability for it, because I can just blame it on my environment?" I hear you cry. "Great! I'm going to go commit serial arson. Byeee.”

Hold your horses! Because I would argue that subscribing to determinism is itself a reason to hold people accountable for their actions. You're far more likely to commit murder if you grow up in an environment where no one cares if you do it, just as you're far more likely to hate Jews if that belief doesn't bring any backlash.

If we are indeed defined by our environment, I would propose that we are all, perhaps, ethically responsible to create the best possible environment that we can. A place where people can grow to be the best versions of themselves. For Cartman, this means giving him a parent who will correct and call him out on his BS, and a culture which does not subtly promote white supremacy. But for many others it could mean things like social security or rehabilitation programs.

"So, what, then? Can we hold Cartman responsible for being Cartman, or not?"

The answer is... I don't fucking know. Determinists have been debating free will and responsibility for literally thousands of years. Aristotle and his crew were all over this shit, man. Do you think I, some nitwit with a Tumblr account, have miraculously stumbled upon the solution? Nope! Not at all. Sorry. But now you, dear readers, will be burdened with the concept that perhaps none of your actions are your own, too :)

Cheerio! Stay tuned for Thought #2...

#south park #south park meta #cartman #sp cartman #eric cartman #philosphy #determinism #was this largely an excuse to rant about philosophy? a-yep #ALSO if you're a philosophy nerd/are just interested in this stuff then reblog or dm me! I wanna hear ur thoughts :)

[ohnothewheatisonfire]

ok J&H Fandom, let’s talk:

“Popular” blog @thatsmyhyde​ is a prominent creator in the J&H Fandom. But here’s where the problem shows up: 

the content they make is concerning at least, and full of red flags at worst. 

DISCLAIMER: This is all information I have gathered through their tumblr blog - I am not aware of what other things they may be posting on other social medias or their written work.  ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: Please be polite, I am a minor, and am just creating this post to ward off / warn other minors from following this person. If you are an adult interacting with this post and blog, be mindful of your actions and be responsible

Trigger warnings for: discussions of homophobia, discussions of p//phillia, fat-shaming, fat-phobia (?), etc. Just be on general edge for this post, we’re talking about a lot of weird stuff

I will be linking their posts as I am not going to take screenshots of their art.

This is not a comprehensive list of all the things they’ve done - these are the ones I could think of and was able to adress. If you have anything additional you want to add to this post (such as concerning things they may do on other social media), feel free to reblog and add on the things you need to say, just please don’t be dumb. 

Let’s start with the premise: Henry Jekyll creates an alter ego, Edward Hyde. They begin a relationship - an emotional and physical one. Their AU features Jekyde (A popular ship in the fandom, the name stands for Jekyll x Hyde), people have various views on this ship. 

So far so fine, right? Here are the problems:

1. Their Henry Jekyll is an awful person. Now, let’s start by saying that of course you can have bad people in your works, those are, after-all: villains. The problem is,Henry Jekyll is a harmful walking gay sterotype, and an outlet for Biscuit’s obvious fat fetish. But their relationship isn’t just toxic it’s romanticised in how toxic it is.

a. The harmful stereotype - Their Henry Jekyll has a “thing” for younger men, even though he is in his middle-ages, and Hyde looks like a young child. (Age gap relationships are their own thing - they come with their own burdens, and this is not the post to discuss them. This topic will lead into the Edward  Hyde section of this post.) But, it was a known homophobic scare-mongering tactic of straight parents to accuse everyone who is gay that they are ‘out to prey on your youths’. This is a stereotype that stigmatized the LGBT community, and still harmfully affects them to this day. 

b. The fat fetish: Jekyll is frequently seen with cake (as seen here, here, and here)  or being self-loathing, to the point of suicide. (click the link here to acess a list of suicide and other crisis hotlines! you matter to me!). Now, the self-loathing could be a symptom of depression or other mental illness, so I am not going to talk about it, as a person with mental illnesses.  But the self-loathing in addition to him being fat is not good. Media is drowning in the “self-loathing fat person” and as someone who isn’t thin i’m tired of seeing this. 

- The fetish aspect comes in him constantly being referred to “Chonky”, a term usually used for overweight/obese cats and being drawn obsessed with cake. It fetishises his weight and dehumanises him into something people call their animals. Also, here’s more of Jekyll eating food and being embarassed by it, though this time because it’s seen as “servant’s food”. 

- Biscuit admits to liking them “Big and chunky” in posts like this. 

[Photo id: A string of texts that says: tantok, frankenstein, twink lore, dorian slipped through the cracks and got himself sketched by yours truly the other day because he brought lord henry along, he and the slime didn’t have to fight to the death because they’ve both got their own chonky old toxic henries to focus on, but this blog still ain’t big enough for the two of ‘em. end id]

- They also talk about how they ‘prefer’ to draw fat (chonky) people. Image attatched above. the thing that should be noticed is that they say ‘chonky old toxic henries’ . they, once again, are making fat people a fetish. 

[Photo id: Anonymous asks: are you gonna make a victor design tho biscuit responds: Oh, man, anon, I hate to disappoint but.....probably not. Aside from my non-humanoids and hellspwans (slime gremlins, corpse creatures, and etcetera), I’m extremely uninterested in drawing young thin men. I really need middle-aged chonk to hold my attention. If poor Victor Frankenstein had only been 40-something and round when he made his great creation, then he’d definitely get a design from yours truly. As it is though, he’s not holding my attention enough to want to. end id] 

Biscuit once again talks about how he doesn’t want to draw ‘thin men’, because he is only interested in older ‘round’ people. He, is, once again, bringing to light his fetish for fat people. 

2. Edward Hyde is basically a child - Edward Hyde is drawn in boy’s school clothes, is taken in and raised like a child after Jekyll’s death, and is constantly cooed over by the creator, even earning a nickname of ‘slime’ from them. In addition, he also has ‘family photos’ taken with Utterson, has his toenails kept, is the height of a child, and teeths. This, paired with the fact that he is in a toxic, abusive, relationship with a man in his middle ages is concerning and should not be romanticised. 

[Photo id: the text reads: In his first year of existence, Hyde lost teeth and regrew them in a mildly similar fashion to a kid losing baby teeth - except it wasn’t all of his teeth (Just the canines and some random molars) and they weren’t replaced with a larger set, just with teeth exactly the same as the ones that had been lost. No one knows what was up with this. the teeth are still in Jekyll’s study in a little jar. end id]

a. Hyde is treated like a child after Jekyll’s death. Hyde teething is concerning because that’s something infants do. He also clings to utterson like a child. The idea that he gets taken in by Utterson, whisked away to an estate out in the country, despite both of them having romantic feelings for Jekyll is. how do I put this: WEIRD. (seriously, imagine your father/father-figure dating ur significant other / having a crush on them before you two got together and after). 

b. Hyde dresses like a child, whilst being sexually active and wearing lingerie. Now, on their own, these traits aren’t a problem - but together? They are very much a problem.  

- Hyde dressing as a child is concerning because he is also treated like a child at certain points in their “lore”. After Jekyll’s death, Hyde becomes a singular entity, and is taken away by Utterson. To care for, like a child. This post sums it up well: he wears both children’s clothes and lingerie. 

- Hyde has a very strange appearance - if you compare it to his early design (which was less cartoony and looked more like a man in his twenties), Hyde’s current design is concerning. Why does he have the height of a child? Why does he have eyes that take up a grand part of his face? Now, one could argue that ‘he is not human’ - but if he is treated like a human, whilst wearing children’s/youthful clothes, teeths, and his general enchanment with the world - he appears as human (and looks eerily similar to a child), which is why him being sexually active, wearing lingerie, and being friendly with prostitutes (one that gave him underwear and other articles of clothing)  is concerning. 

- That said, Utterson is directly talked about being ‘adopted into gremlin fatherhood’ (paraphrasing). 

[Photo id: the text reads: 59. Jekyll is irresitibly attracted to everything about Hyde, but if he could somehow be forced to list hte most attractive physical attributes of Edward Hyde in his opinion, aside from Hyde’s youthful appearance in general it would be his eyes, his overbite (Jekyll perceived the way Hyde’s-) the screenshot cuts of the rest of the paragraph. end id] 

- Jekyll has a ‘thing’ for younger men. This is to the point that the most attractive part about Hyde is that he is young. (or looks like it), Hyde looking very young is concerning because that would make their verison of Doctor Jekyll a p*dophille . This is something the artist has either not recognized, realised, or simply does not acknowledge. 

3. The toxic relationship (and how it’s romanticised) - The relationship in this ‘AU’ is: love comes first, toxic nature comes second. If you scroll through the blog you may see some reference of ‘Henry Jekyll is such a toxic person teehee’ and a lot of them kissing, being together, smiling, or enjoying life. Now, obviously, an artist - if they do not want to - should not draw characters being toxic to each other. But it is concerning when the above points come into a factor, that the toxic nature of their relationship comes second to the highs of their relationship, at least on their blog. 

Here is one of the only examples I’ve seen of Biscuit talk about the relationship in a detailed negative light. 

4. The fandom - Whilst Biscuit says it’s ok for minors to interact with his blog (in that blog he says that he tags nsfw - which is true.) he does not regularly mention that his jekyde is toxic - not in a concerete way. He romanticises it (despite acknowledging it’s flaws), and the only way it may or may not be (i would not know) acknowledged is his fic: which is mature and not meant for minors. He does not tag his posts with regular triggers for things like: alcohol, drugs, mental illnesses, or abuse (any variants). They’re not even in his blog’s description! If Biscuit had acknowledged it in his blog, something along the lines of: “Hey! This blog has <content warnings> be warned when interacting! But no, he does not. 

- A lot of the people who draw things, or generally interact with Biscuit are minors. Being exposed to such a thing may be harmful to my peers, and I am worried. To minors who are fans of Biscuit: if you’ve made it this far, thank you, I know you’re mature and responsible, but being exposed to content creators like Biscuit could lead you down a dangerous path of having this kind of thing normalised to you. Be careful with the content you consume, please! And thank you for making it this far, I’m sure you’re a lovely person :)!

Thank you for taking the time to read this! Stay safe, tell the people you love that you love them. 

#J&H #jekyll and hyde #henry jekyll #edward hyde #i spent months thinking whether or not to write this #but #i'm worried about fellow minors on this website seeing this user's blog #and not thinking critically about this #so i snapped and made this #long post #like r e a l l y long post #i am so tired. #brb to answer the hate lmao i need to throw up #forgive me if by the end of this post i sound exhausted : i am #i spent this evening writing this post #goth lit fandom grow up challenge #aus do not remove the context of the original #listen to the minorities if they call you out #fiction REALLY AFFECTS REALITY

[spencerspecifics]

What about a moried fluffy fic based on You Belong With Me by: Taylor Swift

You have no clue how much I absolutely love this song prompt thank u anon moreid is my shit here we go. (It is fluffy but it’s angsty in the beginning so yeah stay for the fluff thanks.) And I’m so sorry this took so long to get up! I took some time off from writing bc of lots of factors.

Lowkey TW?? Slight homophobia Bc Derek’s gf thinks he’s “too gay” even tho he’s just bi Also, song lyrics are in bold lettering. They’re going to be part the story here and there to help plot and whatnot so yeah!

———————————————————————

You Belong With Me

———————————————————————

Spencer had a problem. Namely a person problem. A Derek Morgan problem. Spencer didn’t hate Derek, quite the opposite, actually. Spencer was crushing hard on the man. And he couldn’t do anything. Spencer would rather lose his right hand then tell Derek how he felt about him, he couldn’t risk their friendship over his stupid little crush.

But just because he hid his feelings, ignored them through hell and high water- it didn’t mean they weren’t real, or weren’t there. They were both very real and apparent. Every time Derek called him ‘pretty boy’ or ‘genius’ or ‘handsome’, every time Derek wrapped his arm around him casually or did small things to showed him he cared, caused Spencer to blush and go speechless. Spencer was smart, but how to react to someone you’re infatuated with giving you attention, he’d never be able to solve that.

Time and time again, though, he found himself in situations where it was just him and Derek- and everything in his brain and body would scream at him to tell him how much he liked him, tell him how they should be together. It just made sense, after all.

Long paragraph short, here are the four times Spencer felt like they belonged together, and the one time Derek realized they do belong together.

~

“...You’re on the phone with your girlfriend, she’s upset. She’s goin’ off about something that you said, ‘cause she doesn’t get your humor like I do...”

~

Spencer hung out with Derek a lot, it was just by default. He wasn’t a social individual, but he pack bonded with the team. Spencer saw everyone there as his friends, so yeah, he hung out with Derek. They would go do things together, grab lunch, get coffee, meet up to go shopping. Painfully mundane tasks that were so domestic it could cause spencer another migraine if he thought about it for long enough.

It was on one of these mundane days when problems slowly arose. They were in the mall, sat in the food court. Spencer was looking over a new book he had just bought, it was a thick book on physics, it would probably take him a day or two at most to read it, his tray of food in front of him was still mostly untouched.

Unlike Spencer, Derek was eating. Though it was greasy mall pizza, it was still food. Derek decided he’d run a few extra miles to work it off as some sort of consequence for his action.

They sat in silence, Spencer already flipping through pages quickly, mouthing the words he was reading over to himself; and Derek chewing silently as he watched the genius in front of him.

That was, until, Derek’s phone rang. Breaking the ambiance that had surrounded the two. Spencer didn’t look up, he was too invested in the book in front of him. Derek reacted, though, wiping his hands off on a napkin before grabbing his cell phone out of his back pocket. He looked over the caller ID, it was Melissa.

Melissa was his newest fling, Spencer had heard bits and pieces of Garcia and Derek’s conversation surrounding the topic, but he knew the bare minimum- deciding best to not involve himself with how his crushes romantic life was soaring- meanwhile his was crashing.

Spencer didn’t know it was Melissa though, not until Derek pulled the phone up to his ear and said; “Hey, Melissa!”

If anyone on their team was with them and watching Spencer, they would have noticed the way his eyes looked off the book for a moment, up at Derek, before immediately turning back down; to reread the same page he didn’t need to reread because he could just go back into his memory to figure out what the words on the paper meant to say. But he had to reread the page. The strongest memory in the whole universe couldn’t tell him what was on the page in front of him, he was distracted.

Melissa on the other line started speaking. Derek listened before responding; “Oh, not much, Y’know- just at the mall with the doc.”

Spencer kept himself staring down at the book in front of him, even though he could feel the blush rising up to his ears. It was stupid that made him blush like a schoolgirl. But he couldn’t help it. So instead, he hid in the pages about quantum mechanics. Something real, something not confusing. Something that was pure and basic and understanding.

“No-“ Derek chuckled, “No, pretty boy ain’t that type of doctor,” god, this was going to be the death of Spencer. Pretty boy always was something that made him melt. He couldn’t help it, god knows he tried. He did all the distraction techniques he could find. None of them really worked.

Spencer opted to hide in his book more, act like he wasn’t listening to Derek. Even though he was. He was always hooked on every last word the man spoke, it always mattered. This was just a hopeless effort, Spencer realized, as he sunk down in the uncomfortable plastic chair.

“Now, what on earth are you- hey, baby- beautiful, what are you-“ Derek started, sounding concerned.

Spencer couldn’t help it at this point, he looked up over the top of the book. Derek was looking at his phone in bewilderment. It was no longer up to his ear.

“...Everything okay?” Spencer asked curiously after a moment. Derek just sighed setting his phone down on the table next to his food tray. “I don’t even know, man. I called you pretty boy and that made Melissa flip- she was all like ‘who’s pretty boy? We discussed you being bisexual already, you better not be changing up on me’. Then she hung up.”

“That doesn’t make sense.” Spencer replied, book still up between him and Morgan. “Yeah, I’m confused. It was a joke.” Derek explained to Reid, as if Spencer was ever owed an explanation regarding this.

“She must be insecure.” Spencer theorized plain and simple. Derek watched him curiously instead of asking anything to lead him on, “If she gets the idea that we’re a thing- just based on a nickname, then she’s gonna hate you and Garcia. You don’t need someone like that.”

Derek sighed, “You’re right. But I really thought she was great.” “Maybe she is,” Spencer shrugged, “I don’t know her. You do. All I’m saying is, she won’t like you and Garcia if she didn’t like my nickname.”

That elicited a chuckle from Derek, a sound Spencer always cherished in hearing. “Yeah, I can’t have someone hating my favorite boy wonder,” once again, Spencer could feel the blush coming onto his face. He was just hoping the lighting inside the mall food court didn’t make it all too obvious. “I’ll talk to her about it.” Derek decided. Spencer just nodded, not entirely wanting to talk right now.

“Yeah.. um, do what’s best.” Spencer agreed blandly. He wasn’t sure what else to say. And wasn’t this just laughable? Giving his crush dating advice? Spencer wasn’t stupid, but he was in this scenario.

“Yeah, I will. Anyways,” Derek continued the conversation casually, reaching out covering Spencer’s book with his hand. “What are you-“ Spencer started, confused. “Taking away your book. Eat before your food gets cold.” Derek spoke plainly, as if this was so obvious. He pulled Spencer’s book out of his grasp, setting it down next to himself; before pushing Spencer’s untouched tray of food in front of him.

“I’m not very-“ Spencer started, already trying to reach back for his book. Derek just shook his head, pulling the book closer to him. “Nuh-uh, not today. Not today. You’re eating. No if’s, and’s, or but’s.”

Spencer sunk down in his seat a little as he finally caved, agreeing and eating the mall food. Granted, it wasn’t great, but it was food, and he did need to eat. Last thing he had eaten that day was a granola bar for breakfast, and Derek knew that he forgot to eat.

He ate in silence as Derek watched him, before moving his gaze to casually watch the other mall patrons. It was so entirely stupid and domestic of them. It was nothing special, it wasn’t even that good of a memory. But for some reason, Spencer knew that was the first time he felt something new towards Derek. More new than just his crush. It was a new, overwhelming feeling of “I wouldn’t treat you that way” “I wouldn’t care if you called someone babygirl” “I would be better for you” before finally, his mind landed on, “you belong with someone who wouldn’t judge. Someone like me. You belong with me.”

That’s when Spencer knew he was fucked, more so than before.

~

“...I’m in the room, it’s a typical Tuesday night. I’m listening to the type of music she doesn’t like. And she’ll never know your story like I do...”

~

The second time was at Spencer’s apartment. He had complained about his bookshelf not being stable enough to hold all his books, and Derek had practically invited himself over; “C’mon, Reid. It’ll be good. Get some quality time without the ladies, we can order Chinese, plus I can show you how to fix your shelf so you don’t have to ask for help next time.”

So yeah, now they had gone directly from work to Spencer’s apartment- the only pit stop being to Derek’s house to pick up his toolbox, as Spencer didn’t have one.

Spencer wished he wasn’t such a pushover, because damnit, now he was gonna be in his apartment with Derek. That didn’t seem like a problem to anyone else, obviously- because they weren’t crushing hard on the guy. So Spencer just had to stand there and hide how much he liked Derek, and how at home Derek made his apartment feel- because it felt better with him there. He belonged there.

Spencer ignored his thoughts as they got into his apartment, he led Derek over to the problematic bookshelf in question. Some of the books had toppled off the shelves, and were on the ground below. “Damn, Reid, you don’t mess around with all these books.” Derek joked lightly as he looked over the immense amount of books Spencer had shoved onto the shelf; Derek squatted down, lowering the tool kit next to him as he started taking books off the shelves one by one so he could further inspect what was wrong with it.

Spencer protested, not understanding Derek was joking, “It’s not my fault- the bookshelf is supposed to hold books, if it can’t do what’s promised then that’s on the manufacturers error.”

Derek just chuckled slowly in response before replying, still pulling books off the shelves “Don’t worry, pretty boy, we’ll get this sorted out for you, alright? Just get some music on so we got something to hang to.” Derek wasn’t looking at Spencer, thank god- or he’d see how the genius got so flustered so quickly, how quickly a blush spread across his face, and how he immediately looked away from him, to the walls, the floor. To look at anything but Derek.

“Yes- right. Music.” Spencer changed his focus, he couldn’t think about how good it felt to be called a pet name by Derek. He couldn’t let himself think about it, or else he’d never stop. So he busied himself with getting some music to play through the quiet apartment, he turned over to his old radio that was sat on his study desk, it was a loud radio, that’s why he got it. It was compact, but if he put it in the bathroom he could hear it from the kitchen. It was the perfect device for him.

Spencer turned the radio on, the channel he always listened to was already tuned in, so he left it that way. Soft instrumental music started flowing out of the speakers, Derek stopped his motion of putting books down to turn and look at Spencer semi-curiously; “What’s this music?” “Classical.” Spencer replied easily, looking down at the radio as he messed with the volume dial that always seemed to be loose. “It’s on 88.1, they play strictly instrumental and classical pieces. It’s nice.”

Derek didn’t respond, Spencer didn’t need him to respond. It was an inconsequential conversation about music. If Derek didn’t like the station, he was more than welcome to change it to another. But he didn’t, it was Spencer’s apartment, and the soft classical music playing just seemed fitting to play there. Plus Derek just wanted the music as a background sound to help him focus, it wasn’t really important what it was- just that there was music playing.

Spencer went off to the kitchen to find the menu he had saved from the local Chinese restaurant that does deliveries, meanwhile Derek continued pulling books off the shelves. Melissa would hate him for being here, ever since the call at the mall, she was convinced Derek was going to leave her for him- or for another guy. She thought he was “too gay” to stay with her, obviously that’s not how him or his bisexuality works. But Melissa didn’t see it that way.

God, everything Derek saw, Melissa saw differently, it was ironic he was even with her. He saw Penelope Garcia as his best female friend, his babygirl. Melissa saw her as a threat, they had a whole argument about it. Melissa had finally stopped seeing Garcia as a threat when he told her that Garcia was wrapped up in Kevin drama. He wanted to tell Garcia about all of this, but he knew that if he did she would immediately tell him to dump her. Anyone that came between their friendship wasn’t allowed, and that wasn’t a rule Garcia had made up, it was more of an understanding they had come to about their dynamic as friends.

Derek just hadn’t dumped her yet out of fear. This was his first significant other in so long, it felt like a failure to start something and end it. He wanted to fix it. Though he knew it was unlikely he could, he still wanted to try.

Derek kept thinking as he finished pulling the books off until there were none left, he then pulled on the board of the shelf to see how unstable it was, all while continuing to think. He thought about Melissa, but none of it was really positive. It was all what she would hate about him being here, other than the obvious of being with Spencer (which she already disliked. She hated the genius and she hadn’t ever spoken to him, which Derek didn’t think was rational at all.) She would hate how Spencer’s apartment was, the green walls and shelves of books, the lack of a television, the soft glow from the lamps. Derek found every single last one of these qualities endearing, it helped show who Spencer was as a whole. Melissa would see it as a problem.

She’d say green was a gross color, that Spencer needed to be aware of pop culture and get a television, she’d say that Spencer didn’t get out enough and he lived like a hermit; she’d say the lighting was weird and dark, instead of soft and calming.

Derek let out a sigh, deciding to abandon his thoughts as a whole, because they were just starting to irritate him. Spencer was great the way he was, Melissa was being problematic; and him and her really needed couples counseling or something. That was the decision he landed on as he gave his full attention to the wiggly boards in Spencer’s bookshelf.

Derek pulled on the shelf again to test it’s strength. It was loose, pretty close to just falling down altogether. It was good he was here to fix it, Derek concluded, as he reached for the screwdriver in his toolkit.

~

The night continued on, Derek went through part by part, working on fixing Spencer’s bookshelf; meanwhile Spencer had ordered them dinner from the local Chinese place. Reid had thought about setting up the dinner at his kitchen table, before immediately regretting that idea. This was casual, it wasn’t some type of sit down dinner with Derek. That’s the last thing he needed, Spencer decided, as he walked over to Derek and handed him the carton of beef broccoli and a pair of chopsticks to go with.

Derek took them and put them down next to himself quickly, before pivoting into a sitting position on the floor and turning himself away from the bookshelf, facing exactly to the dinner table- which is where Spencer had opted to sit at, alone.

“What’re you doing all the way over there?” Derek’s spoke out to him. Spencer tried to be casual, “All my stuff’s over here, and it’s not that far from you,” he shrugged, hoping Derek wouldn’t go any deeper. But of course, he did. “And I’m over here, so bring your stuff my way- you’re gonna make your repairman eat sitting on the floor alone? That’s cold, man.”

Spencer rolled his eyes as he picked up his carton of orange chicken and rice, “Okay, I’m here.” He tried to sound like he was annoyed, instead of stupidly simultaneously happy and unhappy with derek’s request (happy because his stupid crush on Derek, unhappy because of the same, unfortunate reason).

He made his way over to Morgan, sitting down across from him and using the back of his couch as a makeshift chair prop to lean against. He opened up his food, as Derek was now satisfied with this series of events and had gone back to paying attention to his beef broccoli. Spencer picked up his fork, ready to eat and just ignore how he was feeling, when Derek spoke up again; “Seriously- you still don’t know how to use chopsticks?”

Suddenly, Spencer was giving Derek a glare that had no malice, while Derek just chuckled at Spencer’s fury. “I’m tellin’ you. You need to learn how to use chopsticks.” “It’s fine.” Spencer argued weakly, “No way, if suddenly all the forks, knives, and spoons vanished, you’d have to eat with chopsticks.”

“Not true if sporks are still a thing.” Spencer pointed out, “I’m gonna smack you.” Derek replied, now it was Spencer’s turn to laugh.

~

“...But she wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts, she’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers. Dreaming ‘bout the day when you wake up and find. That what you’re looking for has been here the whole time...”

~

The third time was when Spencer had resigned, accepting his feelings for what they were. He was now simply playing the waiting game, of waiting his crush out- because god knows he can’t go on like this forever. He hated how things have changed from a small crush into a serious never ending stream of thoughts he had whenever he was with Derek, but that’s how it was for him now.

He had ways to keep himself in check, though. As he always did. One was re-reading long old stories to himself from memory. It usually worked pretty well, and it was a good way to just pass the time in general.

Except for one, especially horrid time, when the FBI baseball team had a game against the CIA’s.

Spencer wasn’t playing, thank god for that. He wasn’t good at sports, though that one time he played baseball with Derek earlier in the season was a great memory he loved to go back to and remember. But that was a fluke, and he knew if he played again it wouldn’t go nearly as well.

Since he wasn’t playing, him and the rest of the team had come along to bring Morgan moral support from the sidelines of the bleachers. What Spencer hadn’t expected was Melissa showing up, too.

~

She showed up at the same time the team did to the field, they set up on the bleachers with some blankets and a basket full of snacks (courtesy of one Penelope Garcia.) and then she was suddenly walking over, surprising the team.

“Hi- um, are you Garcia? Is this the area for the BAU?” She asked, she had shoulder length brown hair, hazel eyes, and was wearing a flowy pink and yellow sundress. She was pretty, borderline beautiful, there was no denying that.

Spencer decided to start re-reading the books in his head by that point. He could already guess it was Melissa, as Rossi wouldn’t have invited a woman to this event until at least the ninth or eighth date (though with Rossi, Spencer never really knew how he operated in terms of dating, and he had no desire to know). Spencer also knew she wasn’t Hotch’s, as Hotch was too focused on Jack and the team to even consider dating.

Emily was single, and definitely would not invite a guy (or girl) to this either. J.J. was happy with Will, and Penelope had the on and off thing with Kevin. So yeah, Spencer deduced easily that this beautiful mysterious woman was Melissa.

The fact Derek invited Melissa rubbed Spencer the wrong way. But it wasn’t his business, he reminded himself, as he did his best to start focusing in on pride and prejudice in his mind.

Garcia began welcoming Melissa, even though it wasn’t necessary; “It is! And I am! Hi! Are you Melissa? Derek told me you were coming!”

Spencer did his best to not focus on Melissa, skipping forward a few chapters into pride of prejudice in his mind, to keep himself focused. He got pulled from his book though, as Melissa introduced herself and Garcia started introducing the team back;

“Well, grandpa over there is David Rossi,” “Easy, or else you won’t get those extra vacation days I offered you.” Rossi replied simply as hell, reaching for a bag of chips from the basket. “Fine- that esteemed gentleman right there is David Rossi.” “Better.” Rossi responded, a small grin showing across his face. Melissa laughed softly with Garcia and Rossi for a moment before Penelope continued on;

“That’s Aaron Hotchner, and his son Jack.” Garcia pointed them out, Jack was playing on his Nintendo DS, only looking up to wave briefly as Hotch reached over to shake Melissa’s hand. “Nice to meet you.” “You too.” She smiled at him.

“Those two lovely ladies are Jennifer Jareau and Emily Prentiss, plus Jennifer’s hubby Will and their adorable son Henry,” they all shook hands with Melissa, and J.J. briefly told her that it wasn’t necessary to call her “Jennifer” but instead “J.J.” as that was the name she was most used to.

“Then, we got Doctor beautiful brain, Spencer Reid.” Spencer looked up, giving Melissa a small wave, finally looking her head on. He had seen her, sure, but he hadn’t made eye contact with her until right now. And damn, she looked wild behind the eyes. And not in a good way. She was perky, seemingly almost as positive as Penelope. But that positivity didn’t reach her eyes. She looked Spencer up and down, and there was something deep in her gaze that made him want to get up and walk to the CIA side of the bleachers. It was clear he was going to have to walk on eggshells around her, and he wished he knew why.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Spencer offered up as a greeting, “You too,” Melissa replied, smiling as she turned on her polite charm again. It was only in her eyes he could see her distaste towards him. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

~

Melissa settled down, sitting next to the rest of the team as they waited for the game to start. She was thankfully seated near Emily, J.J., and Garcia. So Spencer and her’s conversation was limited.

That was until, he was brought up in conversation; “Oh geez- one of the funniest things was when Spence and Morgan got stuck in that elevator together,” J.J. recounted, causing all four of them to laugh; meanwhile Spencer didn’t react. He was still deep in his mind reading, and though he heard his name called, it didn’t cause him to want to stop.

“Yeah- I heard about that from Derek, he said Spencer spouted off some fact about people and elevator deaths because he was scared.” Melissa turned to Spencer as she spoke, giving him an in to speak. Spencer didn’t realize she had even turned to him, as he was fully focusing his brain power on the pages of the book he had read over before.

“Uh.. what’s he doing?” Melissa asked in a hushed voice to J.J., “Oh- he’s just reading. Spencer, hey.” J.J. said, leaning over and tapping his shoulder, finally catching his attention; causing him to open his eyes.

“Sorry- what?” Spencer finally spoke, as he was fully there and listening to them now, instead of somewhat ignoring them and focusing on a memory of a book.

“..J.J. said you were reading?” Melissa asked curiously, obviously confused. Spencer nodded, “Yes. I was. I have an eidetic memory so I can look back at anything I’ve ever read. So sometimes I go back and read books I’ve read before.” Spencer explained awkwardly, “I do it to, uh, pass the time.”

“Hm.. that’s.. that’s cool. Derek mentioned you were smart, recounting lots of facts.” Melissa said slowly, it seemed like she was trying to gain some sort of edge in the conversation, but thankfully Emily butted in casually- not realizing the odd atmosphere that was slowly building.

“Oh yeah- Reid’s always doing that. Talk to him on Halloween and all he talks about is how paganism played a major role in the now very American, very non-pagan holiday.” The girls laughed on innocently as Melissa gained a serious look in her eye again.

“You know everything?” She asked him, “No.” he replied, he was self assured in this field, he knew how to handle himself when people were doubting his intelligence level. “I just know a lot.” He clarified.

Melissa looked like she was ready to speak, say something to him- he had no clue if it would be good or bad. But everyone’s attention got redirected on the whooping sounds both teams made as they entered the field. The game was starting.

~

Spencer had stayed focused on the game, even running statistics and probabilities in his head on who would come out victorious. Rossi made a joke they should bet on the game like people do on horses, and he’d just cheat and use Reid to make sure he won.

The rest of the team didn’t go for that, as they would employ the same strategy as Rossi, and Spencer was smart enough to give them all the wrong answers so he would actually win.

It was now the third inning, J.J. had gone with Hotchner and Will to take a short walk with the kids, as they were getting bored in their seats. Rossi went off to flirt it up with the older woman who was running the concessions stand, and Emily and Garcia had gone off to the bathroom together.

Now it was just Melissa and Reid alone, and Reid didn’t like her company. He didn’t mean it in a rude way, but also maybe he did- for his very stupid and very personal reason that she was actively dating his crush. But besides that reason, she seemed off, and on a team of behavioral analysts, he couldn’t be the only one who noticed.

There was something wrong with her, but Spencer couldn’t place his finger on what. That was, until, she sat down next to him on the bleachers. “So,” she started casually, “what’re you reading up there?” “Pride and Prejudice.. have you read it?” Spencer replied, doing his best to make polite conversation.

Melissa shook her head, “No, way too long of a book for me.” Spencer just nodded, an “Ah” sound escaping his lips before their conversation entirely diminished as they sat in silence, watching the CIA’s team line up for batting.

Derek was on second base, and while he waited for the CIA team to finish lining up, he turned to the only two people still on the bleachers and waved. Melissa waved in response excitedly, “Go Derek!” She shouted for good measure, Reid on the other hand just gave a small wave to him.

Their personalities were very different, Spencer gathered.

“Derek helped you with a bookshelf the other week, right?” Melissa asked after silence had settled over them, and Reid had almost returned to his brain book. Her question stopped him from reading, though.

Spencer nodded, “Uh, yeah. He helped fix my bookshelf, the boards were all wobbly and books couldn’t stay on.” Melissa hummed in response for a moment, before looking back out to the field. Derek was now busy talking to a teammate, a guy Spencer recognized from the terrorist division.

“Look, Spencer,” Melissa finally spoke again, letting out a sigh before she continued on; “We both know Derek is an attractive man, a great man. But he’s my man. I don’t need you confusing him and making him switch sides- believe me, I want to think that you two are just the best of friends and that’s it. But I don’t believe it, not for a second, especially not after hearing how he talks about you, and finally meeting you.”

Spencer stayed quiet, not looking at Melissa, instead opting to stare at his hands, that were now firmly clasped together as he took in what she was saying. “We are just friends, though..” Spencer finally spoke up in a weak defense for himself. Melissa just chuckled, their pleasant conversation had somehow turned to her speaking to him in a sickly sweet malicious tone.

“I don’t think you are. I think there’s something more, and I don’t want things to go any further- with either of you.”

Spencer stayed quiet again, seriously considering exiting the bleachers and getting a cab (as the team had carpooled over to this event together.) and just leaving, going back to his apartment and faking the stomach flu for a day and a half. It seemed so appealing to just disappear right now.

Melissa continued on after she realized Spencer wasn’t going to say anything. “I’m not trying to be the bad guy here, Spencer. You seem very kind, and smart. You told me earlier you don’t know everything, but you know a lot,”

Spencer nodded, that was true, he had said that, she kept going; “I hope you now know where your place is. Away from Derek. And I hope you know you aren’t alone with me talking to you, I would be telling Penelope Garcia the same exact thing, except she has a boyfriend, Kevin. Derek told me. So you’re the only single one who poses a problem. I hope we can be friends- but you need to back up.”

And that was all, she got up and moved away, and just in time as Emily and Garcia made their reappearance from the bathroom and onto the bleachers.

Spencer stayed frozen, however. Not really sure what he could say or do. All he knew now is that he had a very good reason to dislike Melissa. And he did, as much as he hated to admit it. He disliked Melissa, he wanted her gone. He didn’t want her and Derek together.

He was now only more sure that he would treat Derek better, he wouldn’t go around threatening his friends- he couldn’t even imagine that as something he would ever want to do.

Spencer stayed, shrunken on the bleachers as he watched the team play, staying quiet and reserved while Melissa and the rest of the team cheered.

Spencer just hoped Derek figured out that Melissa wasn’t good for him sooner than later, or else he’d never get out of the relationship scratch-free.

~

“Walkin’ the streets with you and your worn out jeans. I can’t help thinking this is how it ought to be. Laughin’ on the park bench thinking to myself, ‘hey isn’t this easy?’. And you got a smile that could light up this whole town. I haven’t seen it in a while since she brought you down. You say you’re fine I know you better than that. Hey, whatcha doing with a girl like that?”

~

Since Spencer’s unfortunate encounter with Melissa, he had done his best to steer clear of Derek. Only being with him when necessary (and they were only really together for work, though for the few latest times that Derek’s invited him out to get food or see a movie, Spencer’s declined).

Derek had subtly caught notice, wondering why Reid had been declining his invitations. At first he thought it was because Reid was busy, he was somehow also getting a bachelors degree in philosophy at the moment, it made since if he had limited free time.

But then he did more thinking, and even if reid was busy- he always made time for Derek. Morgan knew that for a fact, because every time he needed help (work related or not) Spencer was there, and ready to assist. Even if Reid was studying, the kid read so fast he only needed to read something once to remember everything. So it didn’t make sense. Not at all. Spencer was avoiding him.

So why? Derek now had to get alone with Reid, he needed to see what this was about.

~

And Derek got his chance, after solving a case in the sleepy city within Maine, called Rangeley. The teams plane was having a malfunction issue with a part of the engine, so they were stuck there for an extra day. Unfortunate for everyone else, but a blessing in disguise for Derek. It was the perfect time for the team to hang together, maybe get some meals or see a movie. But Derek set up a plan.

~

Morgan knocked on Spencer’s door the morning they had nothing to do, with his plan already getting set in motion. This was step one, of many.

Reid responded in his own special fashion, opening the door a crack to look out at Derek and into the hall, his hair looked messy, he was still slightly bleary eyed- and he was still in his pajamas and mismatched socks. He had just woken up.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Derek asked, he didn’t want to start this morning off on Reid being rudely awoken. Reid nodded as he opened the door more, stepping forward the slightest bit. “Yeah, but it’s okay. What’s going on?” Reid was already aware of the plane situation, the whole team had been told last night, which forced Derek into making this last minute plan.

“Nothing- the team doesn’t have anything to do. Wanna go get breakfast?” Derek asked, trying to phrase his words and himself casually. He didn’t want Reid to get suspicious and back out. He just wanted answers from his best friend, that’s all.

Spencer rubbed the sleep out of his eyes before responding. “Okay, yeah. Let me go get changed.”

~

They arrived at an Ihop. It wasn’t anything special, but it was the nearest breakfast place to the hotel, so it worked for them. They were greeted by a hostess who showed them to a booth.

Spencer didn’t know why he agreed this this, he shouldn’t have. But in his half-awake and still somehow sleep deprived mind, breakfast seemed like a good idea. A great idea, in fact. But he now was anxious again. He didn’t want to deal with Melissa, call him scared, nonconfrontational, weak- whatever. He just didn’t want to have to deal with her. He enjoyed hanging out with Derek, but he knew if he did then it would be inevitable that he would end up facing her wrath again.

Almost immediately after the hostess showed them to their booth, their waiter appeared to take their orders. “Goodmorning, what can I get started for you two?” The older gentleman, whose name tag simply read “John” asked them.

“Just some coffee, please.” Derek ordered for the both of them. He knew what Spencer would want to order, and he also knew how bad Spencer was at conversing with people he wasn’t familiar enough with. John just nodded, saying a quick; “Comin’ right up!” Before walking off to leave them alone.

“Is the rest of the team coming?” Spencer asked as he stifled a yawn with his hand. Derek shook his head, “No, they all wanted to sleep in. Lucky I dragged you out of bed, though.” He joked, hoping to lighten the mood in the room. Spencer just smiled sheepishly for a moment before looking back down at the table.

They stayed quiet, which wasn’t unusual for the two, especially considering they were both still tired. But Derek didn’t want there to be silence, he wanted to talk about what was going on. “Reid-“ he started, but before he could continue his sentence, John was standing by the table with a pot of coffee. Derek and Spencer both wordlessly pushed their mugs over towards John, watching him fill them up with coffee in silence.

John finished pouring and stepped back, “I’ll give you folks some more time before ordering.” Derek just nodded at him, “That would be great, thank you.” And with that, their waiter was gone.

Reid was now focused on his mug of coffee, grabbing some sugar packets from the container on the table and ripping one open after another, before finally pouring it into his coffee. “How many sugars you plan on putting in there?” “Two.” “You’re already ripping open a third packet, Reid.”

“Oh.” Was all he said in response, Derek sighed, Spencer wasn’t acting right; he hadn’t for a while but this morning was peak Reid-being-weird, so Derek needed to take a stronger approach; “Reid. What’s wrong?”

“Hm? Nothing’s wrong.” Spencer said all too quickly to be believable. Derek rolled his eyes, watching the tired genius grab a spoon and stir his coffee with an intensity he never normally used. “That doesn’t work on me, man. We’re all profilers. I know when something’s up.” Spencer stayed quiet, still stirring his coffee with the spoon.

Reid didn’t want to be in this situation. He knew he should’ve hidden himself better, said and acted in different ways. Derek knew something was up, and Spencer couldn’t hide it forever. Especially not from him. He hated lying to Morgan.

“So..” Spencer spoke quietly, “What do you think is up?” Derek rolled his eyes at Spencer again, “Don’t talk to me like an unsub trying to stall. Somethings wrong. Did I do something- was it something I did or said?” Spencer put his spoon down as he watched Derek.

“I gotta be honest, Reid. I don’t know what’s going on here. We used to hangout so much, and suddenly you’re giving me the cold shoulder. I thought it was because of your studies- but you’ve done written whole thesesis while we’ve hungout. So it’s not you being busy with school. You make time. Why isn’t there any time now?” Derek kept going, voice raising in intensity as he got to the end.

Spencer wanted to say something, he wanted to say something so bad. But he didn’t know what. So instead he took a sip of his not-sweet-enough coffee. Derek watched him as he did so, intensity not wavering.

Spencer put the mug back down onto the table before he finally found his words, “It’s not you. You didn’t do anything.” “So what is it?” Morgan asked him almost instantly. Spencer sighed, he didn’t want to say it was Melissa. He couldn’t, he didn’t want to make Derek feel bad, he thought Derek was happy with her. He didn’t want to ruin that, even if Melissa was terrible. Derek was seemingly glad, and Spencer didn’t want him changing from positive to anything else (except somehow maybe more positive.)

“It’s nothing.” “It’s definitely not nothing, Reid. Please tell me.” Derek pried more. He couldn’t let this go. Spencer sighed, a weak sign of defeat. “Okay- but. I’m sorry. This involves Melissa.” He admitted, looking up to see Derek had a confused expression on his face. “What about her?” “When we went to the baseball game a few weeks ago and met her. She was really pleasant at first, but as soon as we were alone on the bleachers together she told me that I needed to stop being so close with you. And it really freaked me out, she saw me as a threat.”

Derek leaned back in the booth bench, unsure of what to do. “What did she say?” Derek finally asked after a moment, deciding he wanted to know what Melissa said to Spencer in full to make him act like this. Spencer didn’t deserve to be treated this way, he just didn’t. “I’m not going to-“ Spencer started, Derek just cut him off, “Yes you will. I know you remember what she said. So tell me. Please.”

Spencer fidgeted with the handle of the mug, “Okay, okay.. she said that you were her man and then she said, ‘I don’t need you confusing him and making him switch sides’...” Spencer spoke once more after that, before he could forget, “She also, um.. she said she would tell Garcia the same thing, except she didn’t because she knew she was with kevin.”

Derek stayed quiet, looking at Spencer before looking back down at his mug of coffee. Spencer stayed quiet, he didn’t know what he could say or do right now to make this better.

“I’m sorry.” Spencer finally decided to speak after it had been silent for a few minutes. “I didn’t want to tell you because you-“

Derek held his hand up as a simple gesture, indicating Spencer should be quiet. Spencer hushed up quickly, watching Morgan, who was sitting silently still, staring down with an intensity that could burn stronger than the sun. He stood up after a moment, pulling out his wallet and putting two twenty dollar bills down on the table, in front of Spencer. “For the coffee. Get some breakfast, too. I need to go.” “Derek, I-“ Spencer started, standing up, he wasn’t gonna leave Derek alone, especially to process this large amount of information. but he had started walking away, back turned to reid- leaving him alone at the booth. He wasn’t going to come back, and as much as Spencer wanted to follow him and never leave his side- he could tell he should leave him alone, at least for now.

~

After that whole experience, Spencer didn’t stay to get breakfast. He finished his coffee, paid, and left quickly. Deciding Derek needed space, and he wasn’t sure what else he could do, so he tucked tail back to the hotel. He lied to himself, saying maybe he could nap or watch T.V and ignore his imploding thoughts.

He couldn’t ignore his imploding thoughts, if that wasn’t painstakingly obvious. Spencer’s mind reeled from every aspect of their breakfast, to how he was curt and almost rude to Derek- he now wished he hadn’t been, but how else could he have acted? He didn’t know. He hated how things had went. He should’ve lied and told Derek he didn’t have the time for breakfast.

So, when Spencer finally got the hotel, he sat and thought and waited, waited for any sounds outside of his hotel door. Derek’s room was directly across the hall from his. So he waited for the sounds of the door opening, the beeping of the keycard, the sound of footsteps that were muffled by the soft carpet. Anything that would show Derek was back, back close to him, close enough to him for a conversation again. Because he knew that they needed to talk.

~

Spencer was counting. One hour and eighteen minutes passed before he heard any sounds of life that would match what he was waiting for. Namely, he heard the footsteps approach by his door, and then the beep of the keycard. And finally, the door opening and shutting quickly. Derek was there, he was back, Spencer got off his perch on the bed in record speed, exiting out to the hall and crossing quickly.

He was about to knock on the door, hand raised in the air, before he slowed himself down. Was this too much? What if Morgan didn’t want to talk to right now? What if Derek thought he was lying and was mad? Oh god, that terrified Spencer. He hoped Derek knew he wasn’t lying, he could run any behavior test he wanted to, but he wouldn’t lie to Derek. Not now, not ever.

Spencer still had his hand raised in the air, standing directly in front of the door. If Derek thought he was lying, he would prove he wasn’t. Nothing mattered right now, Spencer decided as he took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

Spencer heard movement from inside the room, before Derek opened the door. He looked stressed, the lines in his face were hard set, this was how he looked when he dealt with an unsub. This isn’t how he should be looking on a day off. Derek said nothing as he looked at Spencer, “Can we talk?” Spencer asked him after it was clear Derek wasn’t going to start talking.

Derek nodded. Wordlessly opening the door more, and stepping back to allow Reid inside. He stepped in, Derek’s room was a mirror copy of Spencer’s, simple and small. He had his duffel sat on the floor by the small twin bed provided by the hotel.

Reid stood in the room, Derek moved past him to sit down on the edge of the bed as Spencer messed with some loose thread on his jacket, “I, um... I got your change..” Spencer started, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the wad of cash and coins. He wasn’t sure what to say now that he was inside Derek’s room. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, so he wasn’t sure how to prepare. Derek wasn’t acting like himself, so he didn’t know what would work.

Spencer went to hand it back to him, “Reid, no.” Derek started, causing Spencer to stop in his tracks, holding the money in silence.

“You didn’t come here for that.” Derek motioned to the money with his hand. “No. I didn’t.” Spencer mumbled awkwardly, shoving it back into his jacket pocket, the coins clinking together all too loudly for his liking.

“I’m sorry.” Derek sighed after a moment, “I shouldn’t have ran off like that. It’s just- I couldn’t believe what you were saying.” Spencer nodded, he wanted to say so much to Derek. He wanted to say, “I swear on my mother I am not lying”, he wanted to say “I’m sorry, I should have stayed quiet” he wanted to say “I care about you so much and I don’t want to see you walk away, I don’t want to lose you”. But Spencer couldn’t talk, he wasn’t sure what would come out if he spoke.

“I, uh, I called Melissa.” Derek told him, “After I left. I called her, I asked her if she said that to you, and she said she didn’t say it like that,” He took a breath before continuing on, “I asked her what she meant, because she wasn’t denying what she said. She just was saying the wording was off.”

Spencer found his small, awkward voice, deciding to look down at the floor instead of Derek. He was scared of what he would see. “What did she say the wording was?” He asked Derek, “She said she was harsher than that, told you to back off. Then she tried to explain herself, as if any of what she did was acceptable and could be fine under the disguise of caring for your significant other.”

“Reid, look at me. Please.” Derek sighed, not continuing whatever else he was going to say. Spencer finally looked up to meet his eyes. Derek just looked tired, leaning awkwardly on the couch, as he kept his gaze on Spencer.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause this.” Spencer apologized, he had no clue if he needed to. But it felt like what he had to do.

“No, don’t.” Derek shook his head, as if to knock the apology out of his brain. “Thank you for telling me. Thank you. The red flags were there, Reid. And there were so many. I was just ignoring them.”

Spencer stayed quiet, watching Derek as he admitted this out loud; “I just- I wanted to make it work. But the fact she said that to you, and was gonna tell garcia, I just-“ Derek shook his head again, a mixture of defeat and anger simultaneously now instead of a signal for reid to stop.

“It upset me. I couldn’t believe it. So I called her and that happened and... and...” Derek trailed off, sighing simply as if that was the end of the sentence.

“...You broke up?” Spencer asked carefully, not wanting to misjudge. Derek nodded, rubbing his face with both hands. He was stressed. Spencer could tell.

“We did. It’s for the best. I can’t be dating someone who is like that. Especially not to you, or Garcia. That’s the biggest deal breaker out there.” Derek spoke, he was still serious but he was also sort of joking in a way to help calm the atmosphere down.

Spencer didn’t respond right away, instead moving to sit down on the edge of the bed, a few feet away from Morgan to give him plenty space. Derek didn’t like that, pulling on Spencer’s hand and motioning him to sit directly by his side.

Spencer complied, but cursed his face for causing a blush to form. This wasn’t the time to savor the feeling of Derek’s strong grip on his hand. It wasn’t.

Spencer was now sat down next to Derek, he wasn’t sure what else to say, so he stayed quiet. But he knew he didn’t want to leave Derek’s side now. He needed to be here. It couldn’t be easy for Derek.

“I’m sorry I left you at the restaurant.” Derek spoke after a while of them sitting side by side. “It’s okay,” Spencer told him, Derek gave him a sideways glance that proved he didn’t believe what he was saying.

“I didn’t end up having breakfast, though. I was worried.” Spencer admitted. Derek let out a low chuckle, and god, Spencer loved that sound. When was the last time he heard it? It used to be as common as hearing traffic in downtown Quantico, but as of lately; he hadn’t heard it often. Spencer knew in the back of his head, it was probably Melissa. Small things had changed with Derek during their time of dating.

First, it was calling Spencer “pretty boy”, and Garcia “baby girl”. Derek stopped saying it, and as much as garcia was worried about him, Derek had assured her he was okay. (Spencer didn’t mind the nickname stopping, as he finally didn’t have to come up with an excuse every time he blushed in front of the team when Derek would call him that.)

But then, Derek showed up to work looking tired, and sure- the job took long hours and restless nights and way too many coffee breaks. But he looked like he was losing that energy in his eyes. The excitement that made him join the team. He had told Spencer it was originally he missed Melissa. But now, Spencer was second guessing that.

Things had slowly changed with Derek, so small that Spencer didn’t even notice fully. But if you looked at all the reasons why he changed, it could be tied back to Melissa.

Good riddance. Spencer thought to himself. In ordinary situations, he would hate to think that, but today he didn’t; as he heard Derek’s soft, low chuckle. He didn’t want to ever stop see Derek being himself. He wouldn’t stop him from anything, he knew he wouldn’t. All he would want to do is care about him, kiss him, fall asleep in his arms, have a nice dinner with him- things a real boyfriend would do.

He would let Derek be himself, he wouldn’t stop him from working, he wouldn’t want to fight, he wouldn’t want to play games, and god knows he wouldn’t stop Derek and Garcia flirting. That’s what kept them happy, together, and secure.

“I’m sorry you guys broke up, but if it’s any consolation. You belong with someone better.” Spencer admitted, not adding on the last part he always wanted to say. If he could say it, lord knows he would. But he couldn’t tell Derek they belonged together. He sounded insane.

Derek softy bumped shoulders with him in an act of thanks, “Thank you. Now c’mon, let’s go get you some real breakfast, pretty boy.” He said as he stood up, the blush immediately rushed back into Spencer’s face. God, that name would be the death of him. He was seriously going to die like this.

“You still got my change? ‘Cause you’re paying.” Derek joked with him as he turned to pull on his coat, “It’s your money, why don’t I give it back to you?” Spencer asked him, the conversation now changing to a much lighter tone. Derek shrugged, “You paying a cashier will help your people skills. Now c’mon, I saw a good restaurant with outdoor seating that’s by a garden. You can give me plant facts while we eat.”

~

“...Oh, I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night. I’m the one who makes you laugh when you know you’re ‘bout to cry. And I know your favorite songs and you tell me ‘bout your dreams. Think I know where you belong, think I know it’s with me...”

~

Derek’s growing love for Spencer Reid was so slow he didn’t realize it until it was bursting out of his chest. It wasn’t obvious, it wasn’t, at least not to Derek. But suddenly it was everything Spencer did, it had his attention and captivated his thoughts. If Spencer was rambling about something, Derek would listen. Even if he didn’t care, even if he was tired, or hungry, or even mad.

To put it simply, it was every single thing that Spencer had ever done for him, suddenly making Derek feel something. It was every little funny thing Spencer did, it was every factoid he spat out to the team at the round table, it was how he was there for everyone in less than a second if needed, it was how Spencer complained about modern television, it was how Spencer grumbled in his sleep when they had to wake him up to get off the team’s jet after a long case. It was everything.

Every one of those instances just made something inside Derek squirm. Before, when Derek was dating Melissa- he was able to hold that feeling at bay. But it had now been months since his and Melissa’s breakup, and he had nothing to stop his mind from thinking about Reid, so the feelings and thoughts about the genius only grew stronger.

He thought about him nonstop. About how Reid was precious, amazing, handsome, smart, and god- he was borderline perfect. And what had originally started as a small inkling feeling inside of him was growing, growing into something almost unmanageable. It took everything in Derek not to just lean over and grab the genius’ hand as he was waving it around when speaking about something he was passionate about, and holding it tightly.

It was getting worse, day by day it was hell at work. But it was the best suffering in the world. Seeing Spencer sat at his desk, deep in thought as he typed reports out, along with emailing scientists and doctors on the side. God, Reid was an absolute genius. Morgan wasn’t sure if he could easily get over that fact anymore as he used to. Now Spencer’s smarts had more meaning, and he wasn’t sure why.

Spencer’s smarts always mattered, and definitely came in handy for the team, saving their asses more than once. But now, his IQ level was something Derek caught himself almost worrying about.

Spencer wouldn’t ever say it, but what if he thought Derek was stupid? The brawn to his brain. Nothing more than a dude to tackle the bad guys and handcuff them down. What if Spencer thought he wasn’t a good person, a good friend?

Now, along with the growing admiration, he also had growing fear. Derek was now going back and forth between doubting himself and wanting nothing more than pulling Spencer into a janitors closet and kissing him until they needed air.

Yeah, Derek was screwed. Work was painful. But he wouldn’t stop, he couldn’t. Even if he wanted to, he kept going along, because every day he saw Reid that feeling inside him only grew, and he didn’t have the willpower to stop it, and even if he did- he probably couldn’t. This was the strongest he had ever felt in a long time. It would take an army to stop how he felt (and even then, he might still beat the army).

~

The night it all went down wasn’t what derek intended it to be, he was pretty much planning on hiding his crush on reid to the grave, not admitting it to anyone ever about how he felt. Because as Derek saw it, Spencer was too smart for him. Definitely out of his league.

Because in Morgan’s mind, how dumb could he be? He had been slowly falling in love with his best friend, all while not even realizing it- and dating someone who was absolutely horrid during that entire process. It was enough to make him smack his head against his wall.

~

Derek was working late the night it happened, going over this same dilemma in his head as he finished up the last of his reports to turn over to Hotch.

Nothing was happening in the bullpen, and for the first time in forever, Spencer had left before the work day ended. He had been complaining of a stomachache, and Rossi had smartly deduced he was sick, and even though Reid didn’t want to leave- the team all but kicked him out the door, telling him he wasn’t any good working when feeling like vomiting.

Derek had missed him since he left, he felt stupid admitting that, but it was the plain and simple truth. His days were just better with Reid, and there was no other explanation than that. As stupid as it was, Derek had come to agree with that fact a while ago, and now it was just normal, him missing Reid. But thankfully Reid didn’t leave often enough for it to be bad.

That being said, Derek still worried. Deciding to call Reid, it was only 7 p.m., after all. Surely Reid was still awake.

His cell phone ringed as Derek held it up to his ear, twirling his pen absentmindedly between his index and pointer finger as he waited for Spencer to answer.

And he did, he sounded groggy, but he answered; “Hello?” “Hey, Reid.” Derek spoke, a small stupid smile creeping its way into his face. “How are you feeling?” He asked, he heard Spencer shuffling on the other end of the line, then the faucet running.

“I’m okay... just really dizzy now, so I got myself some water.” “Did you eat enough today?” Derek asked him, changing tones from a concerned friend to something more.

“Yes, I did. You don’t need to worry about my eating.” Reid said simply, he wasn’t the type of guy who liked being watched over. Derek understood why, but this was still necessary.

“Reid, c’mon now. When was the last time you ate?”

“11:23 a.m., Garcia gave me a muffin.” Spencer admitted after a beat of silence, “Reid, you’ve been not eating for almost eight hours- no wonder you felt so sick, man!” Derek said into the phone as he stood up, shrugging his jacket onto his shoulders, deciding to leave now. The reports were almost done, anyway.

“Well, I’m not hungry so it’s fine..” Reid argued weakly in response, “Oh no, no. Don’t even, Spencer. I’m getting you food and taking it to your place. Now go lay down and take some tylenol, drink that water you got.”

Spencer huffed weakly, but made no move to argue or protest Morgan inviting himself over. “Fine. Please get me chicken noodle soup.”

~

As agreed, Derek got Spencer some chicken noodle soup from a great nearby deli Spencer had told him about a while ago. Derek was proud of himself for this choice in food, even if Spencer had requested soup, he hadn’t requested where. And Derek felt smart for remembering one of Spencer’s favorite places.

Derek arrived to Spencer’s apartment, the door was left unlocked so he came in, carrying the container of soup in both of his hands, so he pushed the front door shut gently with his foot.

“Hey, Reid. I’m here,” he called out into the apartment, as he made his way to the bedroom, finding a sleeping Spencer on the bed, covered in a few miscellaneous blankets to keep him warm.

Derek sat the container of soup onto the nearby bedside table, next to spencer’s near empty water glass, before looking down at reid.

Spencer was perfect, regardless if he was awake or asleep. But asleep he was so peaceful, so calm. Derek could so easily keep Spencer safe from everything in his sleep, hold him in his arms and help ground him. He knew Spencer got nightmares, everyone on the team did. But he knew if he was there, he could help, he could make it better.

Spencer was breathing softly, his face looked slightly flushed, and his hair was all over the place, some strands had fallen onto his face directly, which Derek gently pushed out of the way to get a better look at Spencer.

“Mmm..” Spencer mumbled in his sleep, a response to Derek touching him, Derek took a sharp breath in. God, he wanted to just tell Spencer right now he felt, he so badly did. And Spencer was asleep, what was stopping him? He could say it and Spencer wouldn’t remember. Because unlike conscious Spencer, unconscious Spencer didn’t remember things.

So before his brain could catch up to his body, he did. “I love you.” He told Spencer softly, it was barely above a whisper. It was so quiet he was sure Spencer didn’t hear it at all, but it was just Derek’s unfortunate luck that Spencer started to stir.

“Hm?” He asked, sitting up slowly, Derek pulled his hand away from where he had tucked the strand of hair away.

“I said, I brought you soup.” Derek lied easily, hoping that “I love you” and “I brought you soup” were interchangeable sounding sentences. Spencer just nodded, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes slowly as he turned to look at the container on his bedside table

He didn’t suspect anything, Derek let a breath of relief out internally as Spencer reached for the container. “It didn’t come with a spoon, so I’ll go get you one.” Derek told him, getting up to go back into Spencer’s kitchen and grab a spoon from the silverware drawer.

When Derek came back, Spencer was more awake, holding the container of soup in his hands expectantly as he waited. Derek handed him the spoon wordlessly, before sitting down on the bed next to Spencer. “How are you feeling?” Derek asked him, as Spencer hadn’t tried out the soup yet (he was waiting for it to cool a bit more.) “Tired- sorry I left, by the way.” Reid responded slowly, he still felt the tiniest bit groggy.

Derek shook his head, “No Reid, don’t apologize. Are you feeling any better?” Spencer nodded slowly in response, starting to stir the soup to help it cool down. Derek watched him, the soft light from the only lamp on in the room casted off shadows throughout the walls and onto Spencer. He looked beautiful, even if he was wearing pajamas and his hair was messy and he was stirring his soup while half awake.

To Derek, he looked perfect. And once again, Derek’s body moved too fast for his brain to catch up with. He was suddenly talking; “Reid, can I tell you something?” He asked the tired genius, who just nodded and gave an “Mhm” sound in return as he continued to stir his soup.

Derek breathed in, he couldn’t go back. It was now or never. He turned to face Spencer, and if he hated him after this, so be it.

“I was an idiot, Spencer. When I was with Melissa, searching for a good moment to stay happy about was rare. But the entire time I’ve known you, everything’s been a good moment. Every opportunity I’ve had with you has let me grow and become smarter, and a better person..” he took a second to look back at Spencer, who was now looking at him with an expression he couldn’t read.

“But I’ve still been stupid. Because the entire time I was with her, I only looked forward to being with you. I missed the best thing right in front of me, and I hope you know that I am not normally this dense... but..” this was the hardest part of his whole speech, how the fuck was he supposed to admit something like this?

“But,” he started again, “I like you, Reid. I really like you. This entire time I was chasing the wrong person and following dead leads, like a rookie on a new case. But I realize the only person that makes me feel anything is you- and... I think, I- no. I am. I am falling for you. And I don’t even know if you like guys but-“ It was by this point Spencer put his soup down back on his bedside table, the soft sound shut Derek up easily.

“You’re falling for me?” Spencer asked, just simply clarifying what he had said. Morgan nodded, standing by it. “Yes. I am.”

Spencer breathed out a sigh of relief, something Derek hadn’t expected him to do. “You aren’t stupid... I- um. I’ve been falling for you too.”

That made Derek light up instantly, “You have?” Spencer nodded sheepishly, staring down at his fingernails instead of Derek. “I wasn’t expecting you to...” Spencer mumbled, as if that was a sufficient enough explanation on his part on why he was relieved and surprised.

“It just snuck up on me. I can’t get you out of my head, you’re all I want.” Derek admitted, more brashly than he would’ve liked to phrased things. But that didn’t seem to bother Spencer at all, as he started to lean forward slowly, Derek leaned forward too, reaching up to put his hand on the side of Spencer’s face to help him stay steady. Their lips were inches apart, but Spencer spoke. “Derek, I want to kiss you so bad. But if I’m sick I don’t want to risk infecting you-“

“Pretty boy, I’m breathing your air already. And I don’t think you have the flu, just low blood sugar.” Derek told him, which quickly shushed Reid up. They leaned forward more, and all the feelings of angst and dread that had built up between the two disintegrated as their lips touched slowly.

It was a soft kiss, a chaste one. But there definitely was passion behind it. Morgan stayed close to Spencer, resting his forehead against his.

“I belong with you...” Derek mumbled, he didn’t care if Spencer heard it anymore. He should hear it, he deserved to hear it. He deserved to know he was the only one Derek wanted.

Spencer pulled back, a small smile playing on his lips the entire time. “I can’t believe it...” he mumbled to Derek after a moment. “You should. You said it yourself, I belong with someone better. And it’s you. I just hope you agree.” Derek told him honestly, not leaving anything he said to chance. Spencer nodded, “Yes- you belong with me. Absolutely, yes. I agree.”

Derek smiled, pushing a loose strand of hair back behind spencer’s ear, before leaning forward and planting a soft kiss on Spencer’s forehead. “You eat that soup, I’ll go get you some more water.”

———————————————————————

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