#this is all shit ive told myself before because sometimes u just have to be blunt and say the quiet part out loud to get thru to urself

[violentviolette]

i think i have aspd or traits . but i dont wanna go to a psych and be like " btw here are my symptoms ive never told u about before , have fun ! ( insert the entire ASPD criteria here ) . sorry " because that makes me look bad & i appear the opposite ( passive , fearful , not aggressive ) , & dont want to appear as a threat and i most definitely dont want them to think im manipulating them when im not ( like for example when im just telling them my symptoms regarding other conditions ) . and i dont want to admit to committing crimes incase they report me or i have to go through a security clearance for job reasons and they go thru my stuff . anyways as far as anyones concerned i seem nice but weird but not the type of person to have those kinds of symptoms , and i want it to keep my Good Girl(tm) image . but also . i dont want to start having legal issues , become dependent on substances , pursue any illegal occupation , etc since it would suck to get caught and im only 21 so i keep trying my best to avoid it everytime i almost continue with it , but i need help bad lol . any idea of what i should or can do ? anything helps

okay real talk but literally do exactly the opposite of everything ur doing and also get out of ur own head and stop overanalyzing every thought u have to find justifications for not doing the very simple basic first step towards what u know is the right thing to do but just dont want to because being vulnerable feels yucky and ur scared

i say this with genuine compassion and no judgement because i *absolutely* did and still sometimes do the same thing but unfortunately the only way to get urself out of that cycle is to get over urself and touch grass (encouragingly) so that u just Do The Thing u know u need to do

being open and honest with a therapist about ur thoughts and feelings is the only way to get any actual positive growth or help out of it. u cant fix what u dont talk about and keeping it all to urself will only drive u more and more insane. staying cooped up inside ur own mind without telling other ppl what ur thinking out loud creates a feedback loop of crazy. u gotta hear urself talk to another person sometimes to actually really *hear* urself, u know? ur brain is where the crazy is and u cant stay there alone and expect it to work out and get better. u have to talk it out and be confronted and challenged with other viewpoints to realize where urs are disordered if u look for reasons not to do something u will absolutely find them, and while i could offer rebuttels to a lot of ur concerns, things like how ur medical records and psych details are not that detailed. u doing illegal behavior like stealing or doing drugs is not something that gets listed on those and falls under patient confidentiality. the only thing that gets documented is the official diagnoses name which most therapists are going to be very reluctant to hardline diagnose someone with aspd (and even then it only gets logged with that practice and submitted to ur insurance only if ur seeking care like meds or hospital stays or get incarcerated. otherwise, if u dont tell someone "i saw dr.x at yclinic from 2019-2022, then they have no way of knowing or finding out what that dr wrote on their internal records/notes. there is no centralized database of "medical history" outside of ur insurance company and specific practices internal networks) individual symptoms like "illegal activity" do not get listed and unless ur planning on enrolling in the military or working for the feds no job is looking more deeply than that into ur history unless u personally volunteer it. what comes up when specific companies do background checks with a medical history is ur insurance records. ur insurance only knows what gets submitted to them specifically, if ur therapist doesnt file paperwork with ur insurance to list aspd as a diagnosis they are looking for ur insurance to pay them to treat u for specifically (instead of more generalized things like "depression" "anxiety" or just "mental health care" ect, which they have to get ur permission to do) then there's no paper trail of what u two talk about in that office or how ur "good girl" image is legitimately worthless garbage and will grant u absolutely nothing in life and clinging to it in the false hope that other ppls perceptions of u will change who u actually are and make u happy is only gonna lead u to looking at ur shitty unhappy life in 5 years and being filled with nothing but regret and anger and wanting to kill urself or that while u cant know or control how ur therapist sees u or reacts to the things u share with them, u can control who they are. if u fuck up with this therapist or it takes a turn u dont like or they start treating u badly, u can very much just get another one. u can request a different person at the same clinic for any reaosn or u could switch clinics entirely. most insurance in the us is taken by more than 1 provider in an area and there are almost always multiple practices that take the local insurance. and even then, if u wanna drive 45mins to see a therapist a town over cause u burned a bridge with this one u can do that. ur not beholden to a single person, u can get dozens and dozens of opinions. ive had over 15 different therapists in my life. if u fuck up with one u can always get another

but all those rebuttals dont really matter because if u want to, i have no doubt u could find counter points to all those points. i know i could if i tried. so really it just comes down to the simple question of are u going to keep standing in ur own way or are u going to cut the bullshit and take it seriously and do the hard thing because u know its what u need to do? ur young still, uve got so much time, dont waste more of it waiting for the perfect solution or situation because it will never exist. do it now, do it messy, do it scared, fuck it up and get it wrong a bunch, and then try again and again until it works

#jack.speaks #aspd #aspd tag #actually aspd #i know that was a lot and sounds harsh but this is honestly how i talk to myself #and its been the most effective way for me to cut thru my own shit #so pls know im not trying to judge u or be mean or hurt ur feelings or put u down in any way #this is all shit ive told myself before because sometimes u just have to be blunt and say the quiet part out loud to get thru to urself #so i hope that helps u to and i hope u start doing the real work to get better #because u deserve to get better and to have a good life that u enjoy living

[rrxnjun]

(im really stupid but i hope u like this fanletter 😭)

hello <3 this is for my favourite writer on tumblr; to the the same writer who does not realise how much their works could mean to someone, the lovely @rrxnjun 🎀 !!!

so, i found your blog at the beginning ot this month– november, 2023, and now that the month's about to end, i have nearly finished reading all your nct works.

to me, this month is the most special one of this year. why? because i found your blog, your stories– some pieces of your mind. i found you through one of those nct fanfic recs, 'take the stairs - njm' being the first work i read from you. it was sweet, it made me happy. and then i read the other two parts of the 'simplify romance' series, which will always hold a special place in my heart.

this year has been the worst for me, with no one for me to lean on to, weird identify crisis shit, and losing myself in this tiring process of growing up. but you know what? you saved 2023 for me. when no one's words could speak to me, yours did. you make me feel a little less lonely.

im a silly teenager, who never read sad/mainly angsty stories before i found you because i was scared, i was confident i'd cry. and i did. i gathered the courage to read angst only because you'd written it, and it was so worth it. ive stayed up so many nights this month just to read your works in peace and privacy, hidden from my family, and then spend the days thinking about how you literally create art, and telling my bestfriends about it. you are blessed. you are phenomenal. no amount of thank yous or i love yous could be enough for me to express my gratitude. you've made me feel so at peace with my thoughts sometimes and you've made me feel like i'm not alone. you have magic in your hands. i owe you so much, i wish i could gift you something, but sadly im still a minor and theres a few years until i finish uni and then get a job, and then i promise i'll get you something, because i am so lucky to be able to read your stories for free. you deserve so much more than followers, likes and reblogs. each one of your fics have made me tear up and all of them are too special for me.

this month ive read all of your nct dream '00 line fics, and my favourite was 'happier than ever' which i finished a week ago— AND I SWEAR THAT FIC DESTROYED ME 😭😭😭 it had me bawling my eyes out for two hours on a school night i love it so so fucking much, i literally think about it daily and i told all my friends about it and im so in love with it, please tell me, for my inner peace that renjun and the reader ended up getting together and being fine because im gonna cry over it for the rest of my life IDC IF THEY DIDNT END UP TOGETHER please lie to me and tell me they did 💔💔💔💔💔😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

i want you to know, and to remember this whenever you feel even a little like giving up— you have magic, bar, don't ever let go of that magic.

your stories make me want to heal and to help everyone heal. to be loved and to love everyone. to be cared for and care for everyone. your magic helps me survive my days with a little smile. thank you so much for everything you've done for me, without realising you're helping me live.

every single word i wrote here– i swear on everything i have, i genuinely mean it. you are the best thing that happened this year :) i hope that one day someone will love you as much as i love your blog.

(me when i talk about your work)

P.S. permission to take a screenshot of your blog and paste it to my scrapbook by which i can remember my teenage years that your stories mended, please?

thank you for reading, ily ❤️

- your biggest fan (hopefully no one's more dedicated!!) 💘

when i saw this in my inbox i got so emotional i couldnt reply immidiately because i genuinely wanted to sob. this is so so sweet and it mustve taken a long time to type out and i appreciate you a WHOLE lot, not only for this, but also for supporting me sm over the last month. :,)

take the stairs is a very sweet and fun fic and i am glad you found my blog through this one, haha. the simplify romance series holds my favorite fics and i PROMISE to finish jeno's entry at the beginning of the next year!! it HAS to be done. it means a lot to me that you took the time of your day to read my works and that you enjoyed them so much to let me know.

i am happy to hear that my work could help you through some hard times. as a reader on this platform as well, i do know that feeling very well and i could never imagine being that person to someone, but i am glad my words could be there for you when no one else could. hearing this makes all the effort feel worth it, and it's something i'll think of whenever im having a hard time with my work again. i also hope life is nicer to you in the future, and if you ever need someone, my inbox is always open.

having my fics be called art is something i never imagined could happen. it's beyond what i think about my work, but i am honored to hear this compliment, truly. despite being a writer i cant find the words to express my gratitude towards you and your supportive words right now >:( it does mean the whole entire world to me. please do NOT worry about "paying me back" or something, i do this because it's what i love doing and sharing my work with others makes me happy, so an ask like this is more than enough for me. you made me feel really appreciated and i will remember and treasure your kind words forever.

happier than ever is definitely a heavier read, since it's partly from personal experience, hh. i tend to project on renjun a lot so take this as a warning for my other renjun fics LMAO. TT this fic has a special place in my heart and hearing you talk so highly about it makes me all warm on the inside hhhhh my love langugage is words of affirmation stop this or ill cry. i enjoy leaving my fics open-ended to interpretation of the reader, so whatever you feels fits their story is how the story ends for you. <3

i will definitely use this ask as a reminder to not give up when i feel like doing so. it really brought me a lot of strength :) thank you for calling my writing magic. i never imagined someone describing it that way, but it does feel good to hear haha

knowing that my work helped somebody and made them heal and feel all sorts of emotions inside makes me feel at peace. thank you so much. SO much.

also u really make me want to bawl with that scrapbook comment. cant believe im an important part of someone's teenage years :((

once again, words cant express how much this means to me. thank you and i hope my fics continue to be a source of good things for you :) i will think of this often. ily

#💌ask #feedback !! #<3

[fortheloveofaussiegrit]

as someone who spent years having their stuff ripped and reposted to f1twt, i wish someone would've told me this before i went into a months-long spiral about the issue--but honestly, the healthiest thing to do is stop going on twitter and kindly ask ppl to stop letting u know your stuff is being taken.

i know that's easier said than done and sounds wack but honestly! my mental health was literally the stonks meme after i did this!! sometimes you'll come across your shit on pinterest or google again bc of reposters and it'll Suck™, but don't let this stop you from doing things you enjoy, yknow? at the end of the day, twitter engagement (and tumblr engagement too) doesn't mean anything and is completely forgettable. the important thing is, did you have fun making your gifs? sharing insane moments to talk about with friends? did you reach the audience who matters?

the numbers game on socmed hurts a lot, i know. my friends used to talk me down for hours on end about it. but people on twitter don't give two shits about us, so don't give two shits about them; they're not even worth the second-hand smoke you breathe.

sending hugs <3 -user mwebber

hello hello! thank you for ur message<3

I know that you and a lot of others get their content stolen constantly and ahh to me that is still mind boggling that people think its okay to steal someone else’s content but yeah it is what it is

The thing that got to me this time is the privacy of it all. I know im posting on socials but here is very different to twt/tiktok. I’ve never really been one for numbers like if something does well great and obvs there’s stuff i want to do well, but for the most part a lot of my stuff does not get main tagged because it is for a small group of people and myself!

what really gets me and maybe its just me, but the possibility for interaction with real people on twt. For me that is terrifying and the thought of rl people seeing some of my content?? … like why are we putting a gif of Mark grabbing his dick on twitter where he or someone related to him could see it? I didnt main tag it and i know its inevitable that more people will see it but that really fucked with me when i saw that. it still haunts me that the video of with me breathing and making noises from goodwood made it to twt too 🤣 thats what really got to me this time and ive tried to not let it get to me but it’s scary!!! lol

but yeah ive got big girl responsibilities!! and i probably wont be gone for long but yeah:) sending hugs back:))

#inbox

[thebisexualdogdad]

hey, sorry if this is invasive - idk how open u are abt gender things these days. but anyway, ive been a fan of ur blog since probably 2019, maybe before? during that time period, i thought i was a transman and found some serious comfort in ur works. in times since, my gender has changed a lot. now, im essentially back to square one - what id like to ask is, how and when did u "know" u were transmasculine? ik u identify now as nonbinary, how did u know that was ur true identity? i identify somewhat with transmasculine non-binary, and id just like ur perspective from ur journey as you've been such an inspiration to me.

thanks,

A

First of all thank you for the kind words and for following me for so long!

And secondly I have no problem talking about these things because I think it's important for us to be open when it comes to identity and the way its fluid and can change, especially with all the de-transistioners on social media who took a complete left turn and are now super anti trans because thier identity changed and think gender affirming care ruined thier life.

So my identity has always been a journey, when I was a kid I never felt like a girl but no one ever told me I didn't have to be one so I spent my entire life confused and not understanding why I didn't fit in with the other girls. When I was in high school it was okay to be gay but there was so much biphobia still rampant that I told myself well I like girls more so that must mean I'm gay because you can't like both. It was when I was 18 and fully understood what it meant to be trans I was like oh shit this why I've always felt this way. I'm trans but again at that time being non binary wasn't as accepted so even though sometimes I felt in the middle ground I must be a boy because you have to be one or the other.

Around 22 is when I learned more about bisexuality and realized I liked everyone and that being bisexual wasn't a bad thing like people wanted me to think. Even though I learned about being non binary years ago it wasn't until this year when I finally stopped to think about my own identity and understood that even though I am definitely on the masculine side of the gender spectrum and not female in anyway, part of me still feels in the middle ground and that I like using they/them pronouns along with he/him so currently transmasculine nonbinary is where im at.

What I'm trying to get at is that it's okay to not understand your identity, for some people it's crystal clear and for some people it's not so clear and takes time while for some like me it's fluid and ever changing which I can't stress enough it's okay for your identity to change during different parts of your life and don't let anyone try to make you feel bad for changing your identity!

If anyone wants to share thier own journey with either thier gender identity or sexuality in my inbox please know its a safe space to do so!

#ask

[hella1975]

my god my fucking god im so powerful i actually amaze myself sometimes okay okay so. picture me at the races with my friends circa this time yesterday. it was absolutely full of students bc the whole reason we went was bc it was student day and there was a whole deal on for it organised by the uni, so it's just students as far as the eye can see all dressed up. as a bisexual, i was in heaven. EVERYONE looked hot. we had the lads in suits and the girls in their nice dresses. i didn't know where to look. i cannot stress enough how many hot people there were.

but one lad really stuck out to me. i genuinely have never seen anyone prettier than this fucking boy. i literally did a double take when i first saw him and i could NOT get him out of my head. literally drop dead gorgeous i was flabbergasted to the point i didnt even do the usual 'i've spotted a fit lad' with my friends bc his level of fit just seemed to exceed casualness. so i played it cool and did my usual little Eye Contact game (basically just glancing at them a shit ton and hope to catch their eye, and it looks like an accident and you dont look desperate, but once you get that moment of 'oh we've made eye contact by pure chance' then don't look away. if they're interested, they'll hold ur gaze and u can hold it long enough to be suggestive before looking away, and then usually they'll come to you and it's really funny bc they play right into it and they think it's their own idea but you're like ha ive been plotting this for 15 mins now. if they're not interested, they'll look away. im so clever and hot right)

one problem, this boy WOULD NOT LOOK AT ME. like it's purely a chance thing but every time i looked his way he was just doing his own thing. i gave up in the end bc it just wasn't happening and i literally forgot all about it, but later on i'd had a few drinks and i always get VERY sociable when ive got a bit of alcohol in me, and me and my mate saw this guy who had a star wars themed suit on. and id seen this boy earlier BECAUSE HE WAS STOOD WITH HOT GUY so i knew they were friends, but he was on his own this time and hot guy was nowhere to be seen. still, i was a little tipsy and i genuinely thought his suit was cool, so i went and told him his suit was cool. there was literally no ulterior motive here bc how could i possibly even scheme that much????? yet star wars guy was really friendly, asked for my instagram, and that was that. me and my friend walked off. no biggie.

EXCEPT I JUST GET A NOTIF ON IG AND DO YOU KNOW WHO FOLLOWED ME???? THE FUCKING HOT GUY FOLLOWED ME the hot guy who DIDNT HAVE MY INSTAGRAM which means his friend would have had to not only bring me up again upon us literally having a three second conversation but also speak highly enough of me that hot guy asked for my instagram AND THEN LIKED ME ENOUGH TO FOLLOW ME???? HELLO????? and he has his spotify linked in his bio HIS MUSIC TASTE IS GOOD and he has a playlist for spike spiegel. im in love

#i was seeing who'd followed me and i was like 'he looks really familiar' #the way i literally FROZE when i realised it was him #like do you know how insane this is #I DID NOT EVEN LOOK AT THIS BOY I KNOW BECAUSE I WAS TRYING TO #AND I STILL SOMEHOW GOT HIM TO FOLLOW ME ON IG?? HELP??? #i love life #this is god giving me a break after watching me make an utter tit out of myself last night when i got absolutely bladdered #goddddddd i cannot express how pretty this boy was like he's the exact type tumblr would go crazy for #like not typically handsome but just. pretty #IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN #he had nice hair #im a sucker for nice hair #and he was wearing a leather jacket over his suit #and he had a really kind smile #JDKSGHSKJGHKSJDHGKSD GOD #this almost makes up for the girl who flirted with me for an entire hour before going 'you'd be exactly my type if i wasn't straight :)' #like ma'am what the fuck did you just say to me #why do they think that's a compliment. literally leave me alone why would u flirt with someone for THAT LONG when u know ur not interested #bitches smh. and hoes even #hella goes to uni

[kath-artic]

venting some stuff

growing up i was always told i was so mature for my age (like most kids are i think) and i would get so frustrated bc the people i got along best with WERE adults. id sit there and listen to my older cousins go back and forth in these airtight dialogues packed to the brim with references and inside jokes and i could understand exactly what they were saying but u just wasnt experienced enough to contribute. i didnt have the language to express myself or enough experience to HAVE a self. juggling was the one thing that made me feel like i was actually kind of equal with people older than me because i was performing with them. there was hope that i could keep at it and really be someone worth the respect of other performers. my brother and i are 19 years apart and his juggling partner was right in between us in age. for the short time i knew him, he was my brother and he created a perfect generational step ladder between the 3 of us. they were both adults so they did all the performing together, but sometimes i was involved and he gave me the hope that truly being a part of the act wasnt too far off for me. one day id be old enough to be someone and id be able to express myself to him. id be able to tell him i loved him. id finally be something more than a prop. he made it all so fucking achievable and then he was dead. no warning, no lead up, just a hospital phone call a few hours before he was gone and the gap widened once again. i needed closure so i got into my first relationship a few months later and traded love for shame and let him abuse me and treat me like a prop so long as it meant i had someone to hold and to say "i love you" to. i was an embarassment and someone who didnt get to say no, but i stayed because i was committed to the concept of love and because i hoped that if i just kept saying it then somehow the fact that i never got to say it to tyler would be easier to deal with. im glad my mom has juggling as her hobby now, but i just cant stand doing it around her. where it was once a hobby that made me hopeful i could one day be someone, it became a space i shared with the person who told 21-year-old me that i didnt deserve to be treated like an adult. it became a space where i was an adult with a curfew being introduced to people as someones daughter with a name i havent used since i was 10. it became a space where i was eternally doomed to be a prop. i hate how she tries to explain shit to me. ive been doing this longer than you and youre what pushed me to stop. i want to have a juggling partner of my own, i want to have someone who treats me like an equal and who i can be ME with. i want to have real conversations and not have to look over my shoulder to see if my moms listening like im fucking 15. i wish driving didnt scare me so bad and i feel like the biggest idiot in the world when i have big breakdowns at the thought of being behind the wheel because it is the one thing i have the power to change about myself that would drastically improve my situation and i just. cant. do it.

[xaz-fr]

oh fuck hi xaz i was wondering where you went. apparently the reason was a little uh.. well, jesus christ. tbh.

i'm a little nervous about showing my face which is why i'm on anon but ive been in afams and very active in discord since i wanna say the fall before the first skycats thing? and ive been pretty much absent since around when you left. (funnily enough i haven't come up in a single queue in that entire time, or in the year and a half ive been waiting for a project queue >_<)

anyway i wanna say i love and support u and i hope other than this bullshit you're doing well, and also i can definitely corroborate some of the stuff you posted that the afams team has been doing... uh. bad.

especially that part about the one mod having a bunch of complaints about them.. honestly it's at the point where i'm not even sure *which* fucking mod it is lmao. (put some extra info in a second ask)

and the way the two admins treated you, while i didn't see anything super obvious first hand, it always struck me as soooo fucking weird that you could make some of the same kinda jokes that they did, and jokes with "fuck" and "shit" and whatever in them, except you were getting publicly dressed down for it. (i will say there were a couple times you had some less savory jokes HOWEVER you corrected and apologized and didn't do it again. but most times it was regular shit everybody else was saying too, from what i remember)

oh and there was also a couple times where the admins asked for feedback on stuff and i'd try to mention some difficulty, and i'd get completely *publicly* shut down with some ableist nonsense, and nobody would say shit. i'm not comfortable saying exactly what was said, but it was... it was bad. it was bad. like i had to stop going to the discord for like a week when it happened. and myn said she'd talk to the people who did it and now i'm starting to think that just never happened....

I just wanna go on record saying I don't know who this person is but they sound like a an afam helper (not quite a mod bc up until kata we didn't have mods). The server has a few of those. So for the admin babies out there, I didn't tell this person to send this in or anything.

And yes you're absolutely right. The admins loved to ask for feeback or insight on stuff and if it wasn't 100% squeaky clean it'd be shut down. Reminds me of the time one of the admins (not the main ones actually) told me my ideas weren't good and unrealistic during a brain storming thread for an event that never happened last year and no one stepped in to tell her to stop until I stood up for myself and said 'just because they're unrealistic doesn't mean I can't talk about them'.

Some, but certainly not all, of the staff are weirdly ableist as well. I totally forgot about that. I'm a bit mentally disabled but I try and shrug that stuff off so I don't go crazy but I know others are a lot more sensative to that kinda stuff. And while like you said I might have slipped up myself sometimes I did try and correct it and make it right because I didn't realize I'd fucked up until my foot was in my mouth.

And completely agree. You'd go to the admins with an issue about a person and they said they'd deal with it but it... never felt like it did? I remember that was a big point of contention where I was BEGGING the admins to please just TELL US what is happening. Give us updates. Have you followed through with things you said you would? Has the person someone had a problem with been actually spoken to? But it felt like a lotta the time things were sent to the admins and then nothing happened and that's why I always wanted an actual open dialogue so people could SEE what issues there were and hold the admins accountable for those things. But that wasn't allowed bc it was confrontational.

Not all confrontation is negative. It is something that sometimes needs to happen between people so everyone feels heard and understood. But that isn't allowed.

And about your second ask; oh geeze anon I'm so sorry. That sounds horrible. I teared up a little and I'm glad you're away from that person. If you wanna talk more you can always DM me over discord.

#afamiliars

[n0ct0urn1quet]

unbelievably in love with my gf rn but i have decided NOT to ramble in the tags and am instead rambling in the post but only bc i have lots to say ant it literally would not fit in the tags . ANYWAYS KJDFKLJDFKLGH @vergildotcom

i just :] she is so prety,,,,so shaped,,,,,,unbelievably shaped (positive),,,,,,everything abt her physcially is just !!!!!! lovely!!!!!!!!!!!! she is so round and chubby and very much pillow shaped (which is epic bc honestly? the pillows i have rn are flat and i wake up with a sore neck every morning. however if i just use my gf as a pillow i wake up with NO sore neck and NO back pain or anything . literally she is a much more comfier pillow than my Two Actual Pillows DJKSJKG)..... shes so . bfhnjg :)

and she is just !!!!!!!!!11 so kind.......so sweet.............ealierer we were talking n i was all yearny n she was like "bro whats that" n im like "w,,,,,,whats what,,,," n shes like "whats that on ur face" n imall confused ?? so im like "idk bro,,,,,,,,,,,," n then shes like !!!!!!!!!!!! "*mwah*!!! its me!!!!!" n im like :O :O :O :O :O !!!!!!!! its u!!!!!!!!!!1 on my face giving me a kis!!!!!!!!! waow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <:]

idk im just thinking so hard abt her rn she makes me . verey haby. n not to get kinda sentimental ig but i rly need to reliaze that. like. i dont Need to worry about a lot of things. i dont need to worry about taking a picture of myself n thinking that i look bad in the picture or i dont need to worry about how my brain works or anything like that bc. she'll lov me regardless. i could send a picture of myself who just woke up and i could have my hair be all crazy and wacky and all over the place and she would be like "u look prebby :)". i could have an Episode n get all anxious ovr something dumb n she would b there to help n even if there wasnt something she could rly Do to help she would at least . Be There. n thas all that matters to me

idk i just <:] i just lov her a lot yk,,,,,shes just. the nicest person iv ever met. im very very lucky to have met her and sometimes it baffles me that we met completely on Accident. i remember a while ago her n i talking n she told me she found my tumblr blog completely on accident bc she meant to click on someone elses blog but ended up clicking on mine n its just. it is baffling to think that if she hadnt accidentally clicked on my tumblr blog 4 years ago we might not have even. like. met each other at all.

thats another thing i think about! sometimes i think about. my Life. before i met her and before i rly joined tumblr. back when i was living with my dad n mom in a not very safe household. n sometimes i wish i could go back n prevent them from splitting up or think about how my dad couldve gotten better if he had just gotten therapy for his issues but. the thing is. if all of that happened and he did get help where would i be. i dont think i would have ever joined tumblr because my dad didnt rly want me on any social media at all so i dont think i would have even met maria. so sometimes in a weird twisted way im Glad all of that bad stuff happpened bc. if im being honest, if it never happened i wouldnt have moved in with my sister, she would have never shown me tumblr, i would have never made an account and i would have never met maria. n idk thats juts wacky to think about. yeah those events left me with severe trauma n a shit ton of other mental issues but it led me to the girl who kinda saved my life in a way so for that ig im just thankful that all of it happened. i mean yeah i got a fucked up brain now but heehee i have a gf and she makes me happy and i loveve her :]

and idk just !!!!!!!!!!! knowing that in a few years or less we could be moving in with each other,,,,,,,groughg it makes me happy. so happy. and its just so weird to think about bc we've been together for 4 years and in like the first year or two we were togteher we kinda didnt rly vc a whole lot n we couldnt rly video chat so all we rly had was jus talking thru tumblr/discord and we both desperately wanted to see each other but we jus. couldnt. n we wanted to try n raise like $300 or something to come see each other but its kinda funny bc like all we were worried about is seeing each other. we didnt think about like if i would stay with her in her house (she was living in a . very very very very small place at the time) or like if my mom would be coming with me or if the ppl she lived with even like Knew About Me so its kinda funny how we just wanted to meet in person without. actually thinking about it n planning it all out SKJDKJJKG but then we actually did kinda get somewhere this year where like. it was maybe most likely going to happen. i was gonna come visit her and my mom was gonna come n my gf n i were just gonna . visit for a few weeks. unfortuantely that didnt end up happening because someone moved in with us and now we're nearly broke and just straight up cannot afford it but. we're still working on it

but as i was saying its just wild how in the first year or two that wer were together we were so . desperate n upset that we couldnt see each other much. n it was definitely a lil bit rough. n we just kept saying that each day that passes means we're getting closer to seeing each other and like. here we are, 4 years later, with a very slim chance that it might still happen. i mean we still have the rest of july and like early august to plan something out. its a bit late and its very very expensive rn for me and my mom to travel but if we're lucky things might work out. my sister might move out within the nxet month or so, mom might get a raise, she might be able to afford to travel, stuff like that. its a small percentage but its not 0. and plus even if we dont visit we can still vc and video chat when we want to, and plus no matter what happens im STILL going to go live with her n im STILL for sure 100% going to meet her Eventually. lke its for sure gonna happen n its gonna b very epic :]

sorey this is. a lot !!!!!!1 sorey pepper if this is too long or anytihng ik ur used to reading just small gayposts but like i said earlier i am ni a very rambly mood n i want nothing mor than to just make u happy n put a lil smile on ur face befor u go to bed. u make me rly rly happy n ur just very very important to me. i love u so very much hunny,, seep well ,,,, i lob u :] :]

#my lobely beloby..... my scrimblo bimblo !!!!!! my grimbly snibly!!!!!! #luv u :]

[lqfiles]

HELP SORRY FOR OFFENDING U WITH THE HAECHAN COMMENT 😭😭

no bc if my thoughts on most vs least attractive members to me got leaked i would like get cancelled by the entire community oops 🙈

IVE BEEN TOLD I HAVE SHIT TASTE IN MEN AND MY TASTE IS INCONSISTENT TOOLIKE okay we’re not gonna offend more people sorry guys 😭😭

but haechan haechan THERE WAS THIS ONE REEL I GOT and i was like “holy… he’s mad fine…” and that reel and IDK WHICH LIVE IT WAS BUT HE WAS DRINKING (probably every one of his lives but idk he looked so fine in the clips + edits i’ve seen of it) RE-EVALUATING MY THOUGHTS ON HIM FR. like i’ve always seen him as like more adorable than like… hot/handsome in that way… DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?? IDK AM I CONFUSING HELP WHY AM I DEFENDING MYSELF OOPS

if jaemin and renjun ever do decide to start a cat twitter account i am their first follower 🫡🫡

JAEHYUN BEING SO OLD MAN CODED. does he crack dad jokes… i feel like he would

skin products are such a scam honestly i’ve tried TOO MANY THINGS AT THIS POINT. people always say oh it goes away as you get older but some days i feel like it gets worse and worse. I LOVEEE GASLIGHTING MYSELF ABOUT MY ACNE I’LL BE LIKE… omg there wasn’t as much breakout as there was last week!!! it’s getting better and then the next week it breaks out even worse than before 💀💀 hopefully!! i am still trying my best to get rid of it 💪💪 💕💕

- 🤠

LMFAOOO NOOO OMG WAIT IM NOT OFFENDED TRUSTT i’m able to accept that we don’t find the same people attractive 😓 my oomfs got interesting taste in men too.. we don’t all get each other and that’s okay 💗 i kinda need you to show me your ranking tho.. let me judge you 🤨

THE FACT THAT I JNOW EXACTLY WHAT LIVE YOURE TALIJNG ABOUT BECAUSE I HAVE LIKE 100 PINTEREST PICS SAVED OF THAT LIVE LMFAOOO, it’s the one i used for the haechan as boyfriend headcanon right? i get you tho because haechan loves to be seen as a baby girl like he thrives of the aegyo and being a princess.. and his behaviour is just over so playful and childlike but me personally i’ve BEEN thinking he was hot ever since that one teaser picture of the earthquake mv where he had that cut on his nose and was manspreading.. i was never the same again..

DAD JOKES ARE HIS SPECIALTY!!! such an old man in such an attractive body, he’s such a loser i love it. renjaem cat account and then renjun also gets included in jaemin’s youtube videos EXACTLYYY

LOLLL GASLIGHTING YOURSELF IS SO FUNNY 😭😭😭 my sister always says to not touch it because it will only make it break out more but i quite literally can’t help it like sometimes when i have breakout i’ll touch my face and feel that spot and try to press it away and urghh just annoying.. YOU GOT THIS THO DONT TOUCH IT TOO MUCH AND YOULL BE FINE I THINK 💗💗💗

#asks. #from 🤠 anon #( pay the price )

[frogboyandzombieface]

okay tough guy, you think you can get me every time? bet. 1-30 for the asks <33 >:3

YOOOUUU!!!!! BENNIEEEE 😭😭😭😭💖💘💕💞💘💓💘💞💕💘🥰i love u so much i aDORE you 

1. what song makes you feel better?

hmmm uhh probably lemon demon songs cuz like they are so fun and nonsensical and it sorta startles me into feeling happier JHKFDJKHF like mask of my own face i LOVE IT. or deep swim by windows 96 its a very chill song good to help come down from dissociation or panic attacks

2. what’s your feel-good movie?

coraline all the way LMAO i just love it. or tbh the IT movies cuz i just love the little kids!!!!

3. what’s your favourite candle scent?

IDK i love like nearly all the scents theyre so good but ujhmm uuhhh pears 😳😳i actually do adore french pears, i have a lot of stuff to make candles and every time i make candles i cant resist using french pear as a scent lolol

4. what flower would you like to be given?

as i told u before i Luv bottlebrushes and waratahs like 😳😳omfg but i actually do love lilies too or crane flowers !! they look like birds !! i fucking love crane flowers fhjjhfjkhfg

5. who do you feel most you around?

you <3333 BUT for ppl irl definitely my best friend who ive known since i was a baby and my cousin we’ve been a trio for ages i love em fjhkgjkhg theyre the only friends that ever stuck with me lol. anywWAYS ima stop myself from oversharing lol

6. say three nice things about yourself (three physical and three non-physical).

GAH u sneaky little bugger... okay i will try

1. i rly like my eyes hfdjhkfdjkh

2. i actually dont mind my legs that much i like em! 

3. i rly like my eyebrows fjhkgfhjgf

4. uuuhh i like my puzzle skills (like puzzle games and jigsaws etc) 

5. fuck the non physical is so hard uh,MM?? its scaring me that its so hard lol but i like the way im willing to make friends with all different ppl

6. i like my passion for plants and animals ig hfhhg

7. what colour brings you peace?

GREEEN !!!!1 i fucking LO V  E green at the moment like my favs change sometimes for colours but i love green its such a nice calming colour and plants are green so :))))

8. tag someone (or multiple people) who make you feel good.

OHHH i wonder WHO to tag wow this is SO hard i have absolutely no idea who to tag for this................................................  @cinnachee (duh) BUT ALSO !!! @yearning-and-arson @autistic-ace-bee @lifewasawillowtv @zombiewheeler @iinkycat and literally ALL my mutuals and followers ily all <33333

9. what calms you down?

ummm music, podcasts, having a fan running (usually in summer tho) someone telling me a random story for distraction, playing maybe a game of sudoku (i luv sudoku i actually play it a lot) i guess are some things fjkhgkjhg

10. what’s something you’re excited for?

UHH my work is opening up a new store closer to my house that im gonna be working at in april and im excited !! because the new people who own the one im currently working at are FUCKED they keep fucking everyone over with shifts and they are such tightasses we have like mice upstairs and downstairs and water flooding from air conditioners and other shit but im not gonna go on a rant about my work lol.. already annoy the shit out of my friends enough with it HAHA BUT IM excited to get out of this shithole and go to the better one !!! AND OF COURSE SEASON 4 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BYLER !!!!!!!!!!!!! MAY 27TH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 

11. what’s your ideal date?

LITERALLY ANYTHING except like a fancy restaurant i dont like that shit... i want fun stuff yknow or just where we CAN have fun yknow? like we could straight up just go to a 7-11 and get a slurpee but as long as we have fun while doing it and get to spend time together then i think its a good date :)) like thats what i think it should be abt like spending quality time wirh ur partner (though i wont say no to like dessert dates like going to get ice cream or crepes etc .... i love the idea of dessert dates :’) ) 

12. how are you?

umm idk i could be better lol. on my period so i feel like shit and i also got my booster shot so i feel doubly shit lol and i havent done a single bit of drawing or writing today its just... ug h. like i really want to but every time i opened it up to try my brain said NO lie down on the couch and just do nothing productive... fucking  khjjkhjkhhjkfghjkfghjk but hopefully ill feel better tmrw 

13. what’s your comfort food?

ASIAN FOOD FJHFGJK like omg rice paper rolls or japanese food or like beef and blackbean noodles... literally God. though a nice good bowl of curry too GOD i love curry but alsO CHOCOLATE AAA esp like a nice choccy cake... BUT ALSO I LOVE FRIED RICE DISHES ??? or PAELLA? is also comfort.. im just as bad as choosing a fav food as u bennie HJKFDSKJHFDKSJ 

14. favourite feel-good show?

stranger thinGSSSS OF COURSE FJKHFJHK i watch it daily.. but also the office is nice too :)) i actually realised recently tho i dont watch tv shows all tHat much?? i watch more movies than shows,, like i can think of maybe 5 tv shows ive ever watched LMAO idk why ive never really watched many tv shows..

15. for every emoji you get, tag someone and describe them in one word.

???? i literally dont understand this.. for every emoji i ‘get?” like every emoji i have in my recent or are ppl sposed to send me emojis ?? or do i choose one for someone? i dont understand this im sorry bennie my brain has never been smaller...

16. compliment the person who sent you this number.

YOU ARE PERFECT AND SPECIAL AND AMAZING IN EVERY FUCKING WAY !!!!! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH !!!!! I LOVE YOUR MUSIC YOUR WRITING YOUR FACE YOUR GLASSES YOUR HAIR YOUR FASHION SENSE YOUR SMILE YOUR EYES YOUR SENSE OF HUMOUR YOUR - i am stopping myself before this becomes an I Love Bennie essay

17. fairy lights or LED lights?

hmmm LED lights i think r my style im Edgier but fairy lights fuck tooooo!!!!

18. do you still love stuffed animals?

YEAH DUH???@?? who DOESNT? stuffed animals are so amazing and cute ands they slap sm... i still have nearly all my stuffed toys from when i was a kid i treasure them

19. most important thing in your life?

ummm i dont really know?? like.. i guess having a good time yknow? like doing what i love and spending quality time with friends and fam when i can but also spending quality time with myself too, and not letting other peoples opinions influence that unless i want it as well.. i guess love is at the core of it lol . and that means all types of love, platonic and familial and self love as well as romantic because they are just as important !! though you dont have to love your blood family if they dont treat you good found families are just as valid !! 

20. what do you want most in the world right now?

to see u 😭😭💞💖💗💝💕💓 KJDHFHJK but also to like. be normal i guess like no mental illness cuz it would mean SO many things in life would be so much easier but ik thats a futile dream so like !! yeah BUT LIKE BENNIE U HAVE NO IDEA HOW BADLY I WANNA MEET U KFHJKFGKH LIKE HOLY SDHIT I GENUINELY LIKE WANNA SAVE UP FOR PLANE TICKIES TO CANADA FHJKGFJLG 

21. if you could tell your past self one thing, what would it be?

umm enjoy life as much as you can i guess .. enjoy your youth even if your childhood was fucked up by that thing , dont let it stop you from being a kid still. and also you are going to become emo . ended on a lighthearted note lol 

22. what would you say to your future self?

idk honestly i just hope shit is going well for you and got to do what you wanted, or at least youre happy lol 

23. favourite piece of clothing?

my chokers !!! i love them !!! but ALSO i have these fishnets with butterfly patterns on one side of the leg and ITS AH FDJKHFDKGJHGKHJD I LOVE IT its so pretty :’) 

24. what’s something you do to de-stress?

420 blaze it 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤪🤪🤪🥴😵🤯😩😧😩😨😨😞😱🤕but also playing this game called unpacking is sos sosososo good i love it , and listening to music in the dark too is nice 

25. what’s the best personal gift someone could give you (playlist, homemade card, etc.)

ANYTHING !!!!!! LITERALLY ANYTHING PPL M A D E FOR ME OR GOT FOR ME WITH ME IN MIND/z??234uiorudsfhjkdfjk LITERALLY FUCKING AMAZING FDJEJGHKKJHJKH HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA like PL E A S !!!!!!! just anything l;ike that and i am MELTING 

26. what movie would you want to live in?

uummm honestly beetlejuice. its so fun you get to haunt ppl when you die and its so fun and whimsical and id probably just start crazy shit and be Chaotic

27. which character would you want to be?

is this one related to the previous question? cuz if so BEETLEJUICE DUH FJGJHK you can do all this weird ass shit and you live in a coffin HELL YEAH 

28. hugs or hand-holding?

UM im not deciding thanks both of them 

29. morning, afternoon or night?

NIGHT BABBYYYY always nighttime im a nocturnal little shit

30. what reminds you of home (doesn’t have to mean house… just things that remind you of the feeling of home)?

you honestly cuz like i wake up to ur msgs a lot or come home from work to em like i look forward to it so much throughout the day <333 BUT also like .. listening to kurtis conner’s podcast too definitely and homemade mugs and stuff you see in shop windows and getting like eggs and bacon etc on toast at a cafe too.. definitely some things that feel like home <3 BUT also the beatles too.. listening to their music just like unlocks some deep part of my soul hjfhjkjhkG ive been missing them lately but i do nOT want to go back to the fandom atm..

#gOD BEENNNIIEEEEE #HFJKDKJHGKJHEJKHFHKJREJKHWEHKJREJKHEFJHKFDJHKFGJHKGFJHGFDHJKGFDHJFGDHJKGFDJHGFDJHFGDJHFGDJKGFKJHGFDJHGFDHJFDGHJKGFDHJFDGJHFGDHJFGDHJKFGD #I KLOVE YOU #SO MUCH #tHANK YOU FOR THIS #OPPORTUNITIES TO BALB ABT MYSERLF MAKE ME HJAPPY #AND ALSO I JUST LOVE U SO MUCH #i will never stop tellign everyone and you how much ily #LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!! #EVERYONE HAS TO KNOW!!!!!! #asks #munchkin pear #i was gonna put a link like send me some asks ! but whats the pooint ibve already done every single one... #ask game #thank u so much bennie beeee <333 #god llve uopu so much/.... #i hope u wake up soon #long post

[senbons]

do u hv any general tips on writing? ive spent so long re reading ur fics to learn from them, and each time im absolutely amazed at how good it is, like, each word feels like it needed to be there including words like "really" "probably" "even" just small things like that, make it so real, and as if we're actually reading the character's thoughts. also, when it comes to fics, do you base it off your own life? or do you some research, if so are there any sites u use frequently? have a good day <3

Hmmm okay

I'll go slightly out of order (under cut bc trying not to spam dashes):

First off, thank you so so much!! Wowzers! Every time someone says they've read something I wrote more than once, it makes me so, so happy!!! And to do it with the intention of learning?! Whoa! I'm so touched! Someone once told me they learned a lot whenever I did that "commentary" on coming up tails... I planned on doing that w ch. 11 of aibg (that someone requested)... maybe I should rally? Idk, if you think it'd be of some use, lmk and I'll begin this weekend. That said, I never took a writing class apart from one memoir one, so idk much. I'm also just kind of going with the flow and hoping what I write makes sense! I don't think I'd ever have enough confidence in my writing to go into a creative lit class or anything! (funny you'd say that about not having one excessive word bc I'm actively trying to write LESS... I think I always have too many unnecessary words 😂)

(vaguely answered inspo before) I do base a LOT off my own life. Mostly conversations I'm imagining with people I like. Like I have a crush on this guy (see any other post), and a few months back I saw him in a store and we didn't speak, but saw each other. i kept imagining he would wait outside when i exited and i'd walk up to him and the first thing i'd say to him, meeting him in person for the first time, would be: "i'm going to hate myself, aren't i?" "why?" he'd ask. "for having sex with you." and that obviously didn't happen, but i imagined it over and over and am always tempted to write a ST story w work enemies based on that one fantasied-conversation. does that make sense?

The easiest ones offhand are ALL of On Pride. I did get a splinter and meet a classmate at the hospital week one of undergrad. I went to dinner with someone i liked all through law school and he always knew it and it always felt like the timing didn't work, but he also was single and then went out with someone else? but i still am positive liked me? idk (this and hospital were years apart and different people). Or in paper moon, I had a think w a guy in barbados that was similar... or had the same conversation at the cloisters in ny that they have in the church about god... So point of the story: yes, a lot of things are based off dumb shit in my life, but most is based off imagined-conversations with men. also a lot on scenes from media I consume. I'll see a movie, love one plot point, think about it for weeks, and then decide to write it down. (or these days, you guys... i did a rough outline of that whole royal!au/bodyguard!au after someone put it in an ask 😂)

That all said, I don't do research for inspiration... but when I have a question (see this answer) I just google. during oh, oh I'm on fire (worth the tag even though no one will read? 😭) I called my mother so many times to ask about the 70's (i.e. did you say fridge or icebox growing up? when did grandma stop wearing panty-hose?). So that's basically it? (i even read a book specifically for that though!). No specific websites. Sorry I can't be of more help!

And then, finally, general tips:

just write. That’s the most important. Edit later if that helps. Just keep writing.

I am a pro-outliner. But sometimes that doesn’t work for everyone. I love it because I can lay out the big things and then see where I have gaps. And when I need motivation, i already have the section basically drafted. So if I’m having to force myself (which happens — it’s work. There is always a few parts (sometimes more) of a fic I have to grit my teeth through), I already have what I want to say outlined and can just write it out and by the time I finish that section, I’m into it and can move onto the next thing. I love outlining. It helps me see the big picture too. And when I need motivation, I’ll just reread my outline.

If that doesn’t work though, then just write. And when it gets hard, see if you can just eek out one more page, even if you hate everything you’re putting down, just to get over that hurdle.

And find friends! If you ever need someone to look at your writing, let me know! I have no superlative ideas, but can always be around to talk through things/motivate!

Anyway, sorry for this morbidly long answer. I hope at least some of it was of use. And thank you for this message! It really made my day to see it as soon as I woke up!

<3<3<3

#if you were looking for one-sentence answers #you chose the wrong girl #on the wrong boring tuesday night~ #<3 ty for writing #hey that cop interaction is p good right? #should i actually write it out? #personal #Answered #Anonymous

[rickriordanfandam]

opinions on riordanverse ; my edition

a lot of people have been doing this so i decided why not right. probably gna lose some followers or smth but anyways. pls respect my opinions! if u disagree, thats fine, but please be polite. unless any of my opinions strikes u as morally wrong then pls point it out to me respectfully. thanks!

- i actually liked drew. im so sorry to everyone who hates her but full offence, why. think about it this way ok, first of all drew became hc because silena died. silena was the traitor, the one who betrayed chb, yet after she died campers celebrated her as a hero? and then drew suddenly has to replace her and live up to idk that legacy she left behind,, when all of a sudden this girl named piper swoops in and takes her place. idk abt u but i wld be salty abt that too. not only that, but as an asian, the chances of drew having faced racism/bullying as a child is pretty high (she studies at brooklyn academy). which means that when she finds out shes a demigod, and arrives at chb where most of the campers are white (this is an assumption btw), she’d obviously be scared of being bullied for her skin color right?? so the first thing she wld do before the campers get to bully her is to bully them before they can do so. (sentence structure here is wack i apologize) ofc this might not even have happened, drew could have had a perfect childhood && was a b1tch for no reason, BUT EVEN THEN HER ROLE AS A BULLY WAS PRETTY VITAL BECAUSE THAT FURTHER SHOWED THE CONTRAST BETWEEN HER AND PIPER,, HIGHLIGHTING PIPER AS A HERO//GOOD CHARACTER,, AND THEREFORE MAKING READERS LIKE PIPER MORE. anyway stop hating on drew please. ALSO WHY IS THIS SO LONGA SDFJHG

- jason isnt bland, the fandom just kinda erased his backstory (thanks to @pjohoo-memes for the phrasing lol)

- reynabeth wouldnt have lasted/would have broken up several times. idk i just see them as two extremely powerful characters who have firm opinions and will definitely clash at some point. in a platonic relationship,, i can see them as really good friends but as lovers? idk i just think theyll break up

- PIPABETH

- i dont really like jercy,, i see them as better friends than lovers. also idt jason and percy were that close..?

- the dam and not my type jokes are srsly cringey and were never funny. ik that seems hypocritical since my username literally makes use of the dam joke but honestly i dont actually like the joke. its not funny to me and has never been funny

- the seven were not best friends. they definitely argued,, and honestly probably werent as close as the fandom makes them seem. like ure dumped with 6 other people, out of which u only know a few. my introverted ass would have jumped off the argo 2 quicker than leo valdez could bomb camp jupiter up. also leo was a dick to frank. so what if frank is bigger sized?? thats not a valid reason to tease him

- the fandom needs to stop hating on octavian while worshipping luke. if u hate luke and u say u hate octavian too, then okay. but if u tell me ure a luke stan but u despise octavian?? imma disagree w u. luke was worse than octavian im sorry. first of all, octavian being a dick was kinda justified. hes been after the praetor position for so long, and everyone keeps saying to “wait for jason” when suddenly this dude, whos a son of NEPTUNE (neptune wasnt liked much by romans), and the camp decides to make him praetor?? dude i would be pissed off big time. and then afterwards, he finds out that greek demigods are real and the dude they made praetor is greek. AND THEN GREEK DEMIGODS COME TO CJ AND ONE OF THEM BOMB IT UP?? octavian has been told all his life that greeks are scum and this dude called leo valdez attacks cj. sure it was an accident, but did octavian know that? no. so it was honestly justified that he was such a salty prick im just saying. also some of yall be hating on octavian for cutting a teddy bear open and thats the funniest shit ive ever heard i swear 

- luke didnt go to elysium

- travis and connor stoll r way too underrated. the two have been head counselors of the hermes cabin since luke was revealed as a traitor, can u imagine the stress? luke, the person they probably looked up to as a brother, betrayed them. and they didnt even have time to process this when they were  thrown the roles of being hcs. that would have been so stressful and i would probably have broken down if i were them. the stoll brothers taking turns to wake up at ungodly hours because a new camper is crying and homesick and terrified, the stoll brothers having to comfort and take care of new campers, having to deal with the amount of people in that cramped space because not enough campers are being claimed fast enough. having to resolve issues between campers in the hermes cabin all the time. the stolls arent just comedic relief, and we need to stop treating them as such

- tratie shldve been canon idc idc

- demigods of the demeter cabin arent talked about enough and i love the fact that meg was demeters kid. like she isnt the child of one of the big three yet shes so powerful.

- we need to hype clarisse up more her character arc was phucking amazing 

- rachel is overhated. sis found out greek gods exist and regularly come down to earth to fuck around and went “ok cool”. queen shit behavior methinks

- the floor 19 crew of mcga is srsly underrated. like do u even remember halfborn gunderson, mallory keen, tj, etc??? bc i feel like we only remember samirah, magnus, alex, and sometimes blitz and hearthstone

- sadie (tkc) was kinda annoying at first. i like her more now tho but i rmb not liking her for a phat while

- tkc and mcga need more love

- carter kane and jason grace arent boring. theyre just really sweet boys who are too good for this world and yes yes yes 

- hazel and frank (especially frank) need to be hyped up more. i hardly ever see anything about them. also yall seem to forget that frank was literally made praetor and that even hecate admired hazel and was willing to fight beside her because of how powerful she was

- frazels age gap is kinda sketch but i still think theyre really cute

- nico definitely had trauma from going to tartarus on his own

- GROVER IS PERCYS BEST FRIEND

- annabeth isnt smarter than leo but neither is leo smarter than annabeth. ive seen a lot of discussions about who is smarter and heres my hot take on it: neither. theyre equally smart, just in different ways. leos a genius mathematically speaking. he has no issues solving math problems meant for people much, much older than him. annabeth on the otherhand, is great at strategies etc. she can make an army of 1000 more powerful than the enemy, even if theyre outnumbered. so in my opinion, both are equally as smart//u cant compare their intelligence, because their talents lie in two different areas.

- while i do agree rick riordan isnt a god and that hes bound to make mistakes,, AND that hes given us a lot of representation,, if the representation offends the people its sposed to represent, then theres a problem. im talking about piper as a poc and wearing feathers in her hair. im not a poc, so i cant speak for them on whether or not its wrong, because i dont know either. HOWEVER, i have seen multiple posts BY pocs talking about how they didnt really like rick’s representation of piper, and thats an issue. pocs have been and are still oppressed and discriminated against by many. as a white cis man, we cant really blame him for not knowing (tho he could have done a research,, asked some pocs,, idk), but by representing pocs in that manner, hes influencing impressionable kids/teens into thinking “oh pocs wear feathers in their hair all the time” etc, which isnt true. the pjo/hoo series is extremely successful, and kids who read the books will probably start forming inaccurate opinions on pocs. the amount of fan art that depicts piper with feathers in her hair dont help either. “but rick said so in the books, so its canon” yeah well rick isnt a god and he can get some things wrong at times. im not saying we should cancel him, im saying we should start educating ourselves and not spread false info like pocs wearing feathers in their hair all the time. also that snake song shit where she sang Summertime was just- yeah. bc heres the thing you can be racist, and still include minorities, but portray them in a racist way. And even then, ignorance isn't a thing to admire. Getting those facts wrong still has a major impact. It continues to perpetuate racist stereotypes.

“ With the feather thing, I looked it up myself; it takes less than five minutes to figure out that Cherokees don't braid feathers into their hair. I didn't grow up in the country where my parents are from. I have many other first/second generation American friends who have also been through that, with a bit of a disconnect from their culture. But something that most of us have in common is that when we didn't know something, and when our parents weren't that big of a help, we looked it up. We sought out resources online and through other people from our culture to be able to connect more with where we came from. Some of that took a Google search. So I find it hard to believe that Piper, a girl who Rick's trying to portray as someone who is attempting to connect with her culture and is totally against racist stereotypes, wouldn't know that eagle feathers aren't supposed to be braided into your hair casually. She may be disconnected from her culture, but she's also shown to want to connect back to it. Piper wouldn't be casually braiding feathers into her hair while also telling off people for being racist. It makes no sense.” - reddit thread (down below) 

for those of yall who wanna know more please please read this, it has a lot of things i wanna add in here : https://www.reddit.com/r/camphalfblood/comments/gy3gl2/piper_mcleans_portrayal_is_innacurate/ 

as well as https://finding-my-culture.tumblr.com/post/189422373260/maxie-ratties-and-cattie-finding-my-culture 

i will be posting screenshots of these in future posts so if ure viewing this on ig and u dont have tumblr,, dont worry 

- the fact that most of the strong female characters in the series refuse to be “girly”, and ngl i dont really like that. just because ure girly doesnt mean u cant be strong. 

- piper would have been a great way for him to start making the strong characters act girlier, but instead he went with the “I’m not like other girls” trope which is quite obnoxious to hear constantly, and I don’t think it’s necessarily great for younger girls to read that idea growing up.  the closest we've ever had to a strong female character who was also into "girly" things was Silena. when I was younger I admired Piper's "I'm not like other girls" thing, but then I got older and realized that the whole mentality of "not like other girls" is super obnoxious, and a little bit toxic

i have a heck load more that i cant rmb rn but yeah feel free to add more 

#riodanverse opinions #frank zhang #hazel levesque #leo valdez #piper mclean #jason grace #percy jackson #annabeth chase #grover underwood #tkc #the kane chronicles #mcga #magnus chase #magnus chase and the gods of asgard #pjo #pjato #hoo #Heroes of Olympus #the seven #octavian #luke castellan #meg mcaffrey #apollo #trials of apoll #travis stoll #connor stoll

[magniloquent-raven]

Fic Writer Questions

i was tagged by @cherry-toxic and @gideongrace ty both 💕🥰💕

How many works do you have on AO3?

15

which is a relatively small number but sometimes im still like, holy shit i finished 15 whole fics lmao

What's your total AO3 word count?

68,299 (time to post a 701 word fic and then never post again i guess)

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

well this is about to get mildly embarrassing lmfao. ive only got harry potter & stranger things fics on my ao3 and tumblr but if you want a full list, as a teenager i posted a shitty borderlands self-insert fic on quizilla, and hiccup/jack frost fic on ff.net.

and if u count fics that never got finished or published anywhere i dabbled in teen wolf, supernatural, dragon age, star wars, left 4 dead 2, skyrim, good omens, the mcu, buffy, wynonna earp, plus like, general disney/dreamworks crossover fic. and i started writing shameless fics recently, we'll see if i actually finish any. aaaand...i think that's it?

so...15?

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Wait for you, Burn for You

2. Find Our Way

3. Something to Hold

4. Room for One More Troubled Soul

5. Don't Know What I'm Gonna Do (About This Feeling Inside)

all harringrove fics except #4, which is probably only on the list because it's been on ao3 the longest lol

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

oh god, i used to. i did when i was starting out, but then i just. i get self-conscious about what to actually say & leave shit to sit for too long. and suddenly ive got like 100 comments i havent replied to and i want to respond to them so bad but ive left them so long i feel weird about it now and it's a problem 😥

i want to start responding to them again, and every time i get a new one i tell myself im gonna but i never do cuz im fuckin awkward lmao

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

i......don't really do angsty endings. like, most of my fics end with smooches and/or love confessions lmao, i don't like leaving things off sad, even if it starts depressing as hell.

maybe this one? it still ends soft but without resolving the thing billy was angsting about, so.

Do you write crossovers? If so what's the craziest one you've ever written?

hahahhha.............i don't really do them anymore, but i already said i was into the whole animation movie crossover thing, so. yeah, i did lol. it was when i was in high school so of course i did one that was like, every disney character ever and they're going to school together. which really isn't that crazy a concept, but it was a lot of movies to write in so maybe that counts

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

nahh, not rly. i don't get around enough to attract anti attention lol, tho i did get one of those "👎" comments when someone was going around doing that, which lbr, is so low effort it barely counts 😂

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

yea sometimes. i do get the occasional horny idea lmao. mostly "what if touch-starved character + tenderness" or someone having lots of feelings while they're fucking. someone is usually billy lbr. i've also got a couple "what if someone got tied up and treated right" ideas but i don't think i've actually published any of those lmao

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

don't think so?

Have you ever had a fic translated?

i have not

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yea, kinda! a collab with a friend of mine for fun

What's your all time favourite ship?

i...don't know? i get emotionally invested in characters more than the relationships themselves lol. i don't even know what ship i've been invested in for a long time, most of the shit i shipped as a kid i don't give a fuck about anymore lol.

except fuffy, actually. i've always shipped buffy/faith

and if we wanna go with fandom i've actively stuck with the longest it'd be harringrove. cuz ive been here and writing shit for yall for over a year now when i usually would've cycled thru a couple fixations by now lol

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

that's a mean question lmao how dare you. i honestly don't know, i have a lot of wips and i want to finish all of them. i know i won't but there isn't one specifically that seems less likely than the others so idk

What are your writing strengths?

uhhhhh.....i mean i've been told that my characterization is good? like, ppl being able to picture the actual characters when they're reading n stuff, so that's nice. and i could write introspection forever, u don't even know man, i get in the zone. i love getting in a character's head and picking apart their emotional state

What are your writing weaknesses?

writing dialogue really trips me up because i get picky about word choice lmao. i can be writing uninterrupted for twenty minutes cuz it's all a character's inner monologue but the second they gotta speak out loud im sittin there like ok what words sound natural and how much would they be willing to say etc. etc. suddenly it's an hour later and i've written three lines of dialogue. plus i tend to edit as i go so i'm always stopping and going back and rewriting stuff instead of just finishing the damn story

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

no thoughts head empty

lmao for real tho idk? i mean there's that one trope, when someone says nice stuff in a language the other person doesn't speak because they're pining and not sure if they're allowed to say it outright, that shit's cute. im sure all the google translated dialogue has been annoyin as shit for native speakers lmfao but yeah

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

probably harry potter but i literally have no idea. i started writing fic in my early teens and that time of my life is a big fuckin blur lmao

What's your favourite fic you've written?

ngl i think my fav fic is one of the multi-chapter wips i haven't published lmao

BUT. if i gotta pick something yall have read, this one. just a lil guy. plant dad billy and domesticity. it's cute and i like it. maybe also this fic that i wrote for valentine's day. i wrote basically the whole thing in one day and i was really proud of myself lmao, and i just really like headcanoning backstory for billy & that fic is rly just about him growing up, so

tagging @rvspberryjvm @wingedbears @paperbodiesamongthestars @platypan

if yall wanna! 💕

[g3nosarchive]

ok i genuinely think a lot of other people have this problem but stop inserting yourself when xyz issue is mentioned. when someone is telling you that a person, a celebrity, some franchise is harming their identity or anyone’s identity as a minority, or part of a certain race or religion or anything shut the fuck up and accept it.

they do not need to know your emotional attachment to said thing, your disbelief, your horror, your personal experience - we didn’t ask for all that. we know just how bad it is, cus yk it harms us maybe? we’ve already gone through the cycle of being angry and indignant and now we’re here trying to get you to understand in the hopes that as a friend you do what you’re meant to do when you became friends with us. we are not your constant ball of anger to use whenever you find something that’s “crazy, unbelievably, shockingly” once again, a hate crime, when you decide you want to feel angry and care about it.

more under the cut bc i talk too much

by doing that, you’re making an issue that you didn’t even know about suddenly yours. ask yourself, what is the purpose for telling anyone all that? to get them to sympathize with you personally so you can get a pass because you didn’t know? of course you don’t know, of course you’re unaware, that’s the whole reason why you’re being told in the first place. do not water down the issue or even try to play the ‘everything has some issue like this so there’s no point in going this far’ card. especially as a white person. the reason why you don’t know primarily is because it doesn’t affect you and it doesn’t cross your mind.

when you watch a show with a black character, you don’t care about how off the character design is or how stereotypical and borderline racist the comedy gag surrounding said character is. when you listen to your favorite white music artists or watch your favorite movie with a majority white cast, white staff, white team, and white theme, you don’t care to analyze just how outdated and stereotypical the way that token asian character is portrayed. some of y’all don’t understand and will never understand the mental struggle and awareness forever plugged into the brain of lgbt and/or poc, especially black people when we consume anything, when we go anywhere, when we meet new people, to constantly catch those micro aggressions and know what to avoid.

so when someone tells you insert classic hot mess is racist and you should stop supporting it, one of the worst things you can do beside outright rejecting it is to defend it and insinuate that we don’t know what we’re talking about, that we need 30 different sources to prove it all, that you don’t think (for example taylor swifts dream colonized africa mv) is bad. you try to say the thing or person that is actively promoting all this homophobia, racism, transmisogyny etc needs to be kindly educated, is trying their best, will learn soon enough, just wasn’t educated, will do better in the future (esp looking at u kpop stans). does their apparent regret but refusal to properly apologize actually matter? the damage has already been done.

that in itself is a privilege i could never have. i don’t even try being a fan of any major white celebrity or any kpop group because i guarantee if i search up their name with ‘racist’, ‘sexist’, ‘homophobic’, ‘transphobic’, ‘cultural appropriation’ behind it something or some image is bound to show up. you will all say “oh they haven’t done anything yet” but when it comes out that they did, they have, and they do not care about who it affects, suddenly it’s a bombshell dropped on you out of nowhere.

it’s not that hard to spot these things actually. if your fav is constantly putting themselves against people of color, saying shady shit about non cishets while being a cishet themself, saying one thing and doing another, or has been silent when their voice was expected to speak up, shouldn’t you notice? y’all will reblog all these posts but in reality only 10% are actually reading and listening and actually digesting this information for future use.

and i think the thing that pisses me off is this is all from personal experience where i’m speaking from. over the past 2 days the amount of times if i’ve heard about the “tea that dropped w meghan markle” is ridiculous and annoying. a girl texted me and i sat there and i realized that she does this on a daily basis to fuel my anger and get me to validate her own useless anger. of course i knew about it and i wasn’t surprised at all - she’s still a black woman.

almost every black blog on here, when they get big enough, deals with some sort of weird shit surrounding their blackness. if you get big on speaking about issues you are now this emotionless token ‘smart black person i can actually trust’ to use as your replacement for google. this is not to say asking questions is bad, but it is so easy to pull up some of the shit you guys ask for. some people get called slurs directly, targeted for being too black or not black enough, attacked for their features and etc and someone mentioned this before but the only people that care in those situations are other black people themselves. white people will have blm in their bio but turn the other way the minute some anon starts acting up in their mutuals’ inbox, calling them a dark1e because they felt confident enough to post some selfies. and then you get sad when we dont go to you for any kind of support? 

i’ve stated sometimes that asking me questions on issues and things is okay, but one of the main reasons i say that is because whether i say it or not, i’ll be asked questions and expected to know everything and i am your personal walking encyclopedia and ofc it’s natural for me to have all this information in my head, as if i didn’t research it myself. but then i think about the numerous amounts of people that specifically say not to ask them this shit because it really does tire you out, that they don’t want to have to deal with this in any space but they still get them. 

and then the ones that don’t even know themself so people will use them as an example and say “well this person didn’t know and they’re ‘marginalized identity’ so it should be fine for me too”. good god just apologize, show that you really care, change your behavior and move on. do you think it was fun being asked the statistics for george floyd’s and other black peoples death in class? that you were being inclusive and giving me a chance to show off my intelligence, to prove to others that i really had something up here and you were my greatest star eyes white friend that gave me that chance? i cant close my posts like this properly but i want you to think about that shit and actually ask yourself if you’d do that. a lot of you will read this and think “i’m not that type of racist” “i don’t have those deep seated prejudices in me” yes you do. you just haven’t been called out on it.

for all the shit ive dealt with above, if i’ve ever talked to you about this before dont come to me to apologize i do not need it and you are not the only person i’ve received this from. i guarantee you that there’s about 20 other people i’ve thought about while writing this post considering i’m a black person in the real world, so keep your guilt to yourself an deal with it

white people don’t add on to this

#important #antiblackness #george floyd #death mention #ok to rb #more than ok but #here it is 😇 #ill rb this everyday if i have to

[iggykoopa666]

god this fucking girl. or i shouldnt call her a girl shes 29 years old shes a grown woman. whatever immediately comes to mind wen u think the words "disney adult galaxy print band kid marvel fan" thats her. and she texts me all the time and shes really nice but oh my god she is so fucking annoying. she constantly sends me memes and theyre all either 1: reposted screenshots of tumblr posts from 7 years ago that she stole off of fb or insta 2: related to either marvel or star wars, both of which i have made expressly clear that i do not care about or 3: her own tiktoks, which i rarely actually watch because theyre all just the same shit ive heard since 2013. one time i dared to ask who the fuck some white guy in her video was and she sent me like 11 texts all a paragraph long and sent like 3 videos & 5 pictures along with it when all i said was "who is that." also she sometimes sends me adhd memes because having adhd is the only thing we have in common, except theyre not actually funny ones theyre just like "(does thing) lol wow im so adhd 🤪 this explains so much" and it is so painful. how can a persons meme language be so stuck in the past. i am all for cringe culture is dead but my god she fucking tests every day. i always want to tell her "ive seen this before" "i dont care about this" to every single thing she sends me but i cant bring myself to be rude to her over such a harmless thing. also another thing she does that pisses me off she calls her brother her "baby brother" when hes literally 20 years old like that is literally old enough to be in my dating pool do not call him that thats so fucking weird its not as cute as you think it is i promise. youre almost 30 tears old please. she thinks the witcher is gay media. shes extremely cis and straight. apparently all her gay friends told her this and she ran with it. i asked all my gay friends the same question and it was a unanimous "what the hell is she talking about" again i want to tell her shes cringe but i dont think she actually has any friends because if she did why wouldnt she just send them all this crap instead of me, a person who has explicitly stated my disinterest. i have other reasons for thinking this too this is just scraping the tip of the iceberg. so i put up with it. i rarely acknowledge anything she sends to me but i put up with it. jesus christ.

[chikkou]

Talk more abt your interests or we're selling you to 1 direction(jk I just like listening to you ramble about things cause you have a lot of cool and indepth opinions)

OH GOD OH FUCK PLEASE DONT SELL ME MOM AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

honestly its SO sweet to ask this and im rly glad u guys dont mind when i ramble about shit no one knows or cares about LMAO... i honestly struggle to reel it in sometimes bc i can just go tf off kdfgd

one hyperfixation i rarely have the opportunity to talk about on here is my lifelong OBSESSION with fairy tales and folklore.. ever since i was a kid ive been in love with all kinds of fairy tales!! im very partial to the brothers grimm because they just collected so many of these stories, but i have a very special love for lesser known ones, and ESPECIALLY the original versions of popular ones bc they tend to be so much more different than people know

for example did u know that in snow white, the apple was the evil queens THIRD attempt to kill snow white? the first two attempts were a corset tied too tightly and a poisoned comb, both of which were thwarted by the dwarves coming home from work like 5 minutes later dgkfjgndf

and did u ALSO know that that story ends with the evil queen being invited to the wedding of snow white and the prince, only for them to force her to dance in red-hot iron shoes until she died?? they really didnt play in those stories LMAO

what i find really fascinating about these kinds of folklore (and this applies to general mythology too) is that a lot of times you can easily tell which stories were originally the same story that got either repurposed or retold with different details, as almost every fairy tale was originally shared orally, and therefore details were changed and/or were forgotten between tellings.

for example, there was a fairy tale i read years ago about a character named buh nansi who was caught stealing from a king and was captured. as the king decided what to do with him, buh nansi begged not to be thrown into the ocean as he could not swim and would surely die. the king decided to throw him into the sea, and buh nansi swam away freely as he told the king that the ocean was his home and hed just set him free.

there was ANOTHER one i read abt a selfish rabbit who refused to help the other animals dig a well, and so was banned from using it. however the rabbit ended up drinking from it anyway, and as punishment, the animals created a wolf out of tar to keep it away. the rabbit first reacts accordingly, but when it tries to talk to the wolf and the wolf doesnt answer, it gets angry at the disrespect and swings at the wolf, causing it to get stuck in the tar. the animals find the rabbit the next day and try to decide what to do with it, so the rabbit begs them not to throw it into the thicket, which they of course do. the thicket catches the tar and sets the rabbit free, and it brags that the thicket is its home before it runs off. sound familiar?

if not, let me spoil it for you - both of these stories are more modernly associated with the uncle remus br’er rabbit fairy tales (these were some of my favorites as a kid). the br’er rabbit story is that br’er fox, who is br’er rabbits enemy, wants to capture him, so he sets up a tar doll (or tar baby; incidentally, this is a VERY racist term now LMAO) in the road to trap him. br’er rabbit comes upon the doll and bids it good morning, but the doll (obviously) doesnt answer. br’er rabbit gets angry at the disrespect and eventually tries to smack the doll, which of course gets him stuck fast to the tar. br’er fox comes along and grabs br’er rabbit as he decides what to do with him. br’er rabbit begs the fox to do whatever he wants, as long as he does not throw him into the briar-patch (its just thorny brambles basically), which he is deathly afraid of. this of course prompts the fox to throw the rabbit into the brambles, which sets the rabbit free and he escapes while bragging that the briar-patch is his home

all three of these stories are essentially the same tale retold very differently - and, fun fact, “buh nansi” is actually anansi, a trickster god seen in a LOT of west african and caribbean folklore. also, both “br’er” and “buh” mean “brother” (which becomes obvious if u say them out loud LMAO), and are used as terms of respect. br’er rabbit is a little more new than buh nansi and the rabbit story - the uncle remus collection was published originally in the late 1800s, while the other stories have likely persisted for centuries. transparently, br’er rabbit is an amalgamation of these two stories (and probably many others), and was repurposed to fit the environment that the storytellers were in; in this case, they would have been slaves living on southern plantations, thus why the story had to be retold to cut out anansi (a non-christian god). almost every br’er rabbit story i can think of is actually a retelling of a traditional west african fairy tale, updated to suit their circumstances.

its honestly pretty fucking fascinating, and there are quite a few stories that share a lot of commonalities like this if you look! not just the southern folklore either, but pretty much any folklore you can think of dates back much, much farther than you might know. as a quick thing, if youve ever heard of the “firmament” in the bible, that is referring to a layer of water surrounding the earth which was believed to cause rain and, if too much water fell onto the earth, floods. but, if you can believe it, this did NOT originate with the bible - the idea of the firmament is actually a holdover from babylonian mythology, which makes perfect sense as the writers of the bible would have been IN babylon at the time of the firmaments inclusion, and therefore would have been influenced by its own folklore!

ok i can talk about this forever so im gonna stop myself here but like. yeah fairytales and shit are fucking cool LMAO

#anya's anons #long post #thank u for opening the floodgates LMAOOO