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manggojooz · 4 years

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Foolish Love, Fake Love (Part 7)

pairing: idol!Jungkook x bodyguard!reader

word count: ~2,900

genre: idol!au; angst; romance; drama; enemies to lovers sort of thing

warnings: none

summary: If all you can give me is a fake love, then I will be the fool to pretend that it is all true.

Taglist: @a-hopelessly-imaginative-girl @dollwithluv @sweetcheeksdna @yeontanie21 @peachygiraffe14 @jeontaes-world

“Aigoo, when are you ever going to find a boyfriend at this rate... all the guys will be so scared after they see how you fangirl over this cook guy,” Ssamchun was this naggy even when he was younger.

“It’s ‘Jungkook’, Ssamchun,” you glared at him while Yuri laughed silently.

“What are you laughing at?” you suddenly diverted your annoyance jokingly towards Yuri.

“Nothing... really... just wondering how you can be so invested in a guy who doesn’t even know you exist,” she replied.

It had been more than a year since Yuri had joined the mixed martial arts school and it was natural that you two were growing increasingly reliant on each other given that most of the other people here were male.

“It’s called true love, it’s real alright?” you retorted, gesturing at her to get ready to be taken down by you.

“How can it be true love, when you don’t even know the real him? What if he’s super weird in real life? Or maybe he’s super snobbish... I mean he’s a celebrity after all...” Yuri was not planning to run away from a sparring session but she found the need to defend her position.

You never really bothered to refute that point whenever Yuri makes it, and you never would have imagined that his conversation would actually be relevant one day.

---

“Were you... one of them?” Jungkook’s voice trails off as he popped the question hesitantly.

There was no answer and the air was brimming with awkward energy.

“I guess... I was a fan after all,” you answered weakly.

He felt strangely affected by your use of the past tense.

“I guess this is why we always have to keep up an image... once people know the real us, they will just stop supporting us,” he murmurs as he turns to exit the room and once again, he was strangely affected when you said nothing to stop him.

---

The company told you to rest at home the next day but somehow you found yourself back at the company close to evening time, after having spent the day doing nothing much.

You were just about to change into your exercise attire but decided to sit down on the chair in the changing room and thought about the conversation you had with Jungkook yesterday.

There is just something really pitiful about it. Who is he in the end? What the company wants him to be? What the fans want him to be? What he wants himself to be? What is the real Jungkook like, does he even know?

Everyone goes through this at some point; some may never find the answer. Who are we really? What are we living for? And in turn, what can we be happy for? Only when we know what we want to become, can we be truly happy when we achieve it.

But for him... he probably has a lot to live up to, benchmarks that may not be what he wanted in the first place.

You took out your phone to send a message to him only to stop at the first word because you have no idea where to start. That was when you were reminded of the song that comforted you years back.

You searched it up online and just as you had hit the send button, there was a knock on the door. When you opened the door you could see a frowning Yuri looking at Sejoon.

“Can’t you just give her a break today? She just came to have dinner with me...” Yuri huffed.

“It’s not that I don’t want to give her a break though...” Sejoon answers helplessly.

“What is it?” you asked.

---

The last thing you expected to happen was you sitting in a private room of a traditional but fancy sashimi restaurant across from Sejoon and Kijin – mainly due to the fact that you don’t even fancy sashimi.

“Sometimes I really want to slap some sense into him. It's been getting worse lately, he gets so sensitive whenever I ask why he’s doing all this for Yeonjoo” Sejoon suddenly lowered his volume as he spoke about the very two people who were sitting in the private room next to yours.

Apparently, it was close to Yeonjoo’s birthday and this is a restaurant that she had wanted to visit for the longest time, which explains the need for you to be a decoy. Sejoon and you had to be really obvious when entering the restaurant, while Jungkook came later. On top of all that you heard that Yeonjoo had to really discreetly enter from the back of the restaurant.

“I suppose this is another undercover operation? Aren't you afraid Director Lee would find out about this?” you were worried for Sejoon but equally so for yourself.

Sejoon and Kijin both look up at you in surprise, “It was Director Lee who made the reservation, you didn’t know that?” Kijin blurted.

“Oh really?” you tried to contain your surprise while glancing towards Sejoon.

He seemed more interested in the intricately-plated sashimi platter that was just served.

“... so, Director Lee is now OK with Jungkook meeting her in private?” you could not keep the curiosity in and had to ask.

“Of course not. And it’s not even something I can fight for since Jungkook that brat wouldn’t even confirm if they are really together or not” Sejoon replied through a mouthful of raw fish.

“Then what’s going on here?” you frowned from the confusion.

“That jewellery store wanted him to do photoshoot with you but he wouldn’t do it... so Director Lee bribed him with one favour and this is what he asked her for... to give permission for...” Sejoon answers, at first matter-of-factly, but quickly ended the topic as he realises what this meant to you.

So this was why he willingly did the photoshoot; it was weird that there wasn’t much protesting on that day given how much he must have hated the idea of taking “couple photos” with you. You were lost in all these thoughts and did not notice Sejoon clearing his throat awkwardly.

“Are you... are you not going to have some?” he quickly tried to change the topic, hoping to distract you.

“I don’t really like raw stuff” you answered curtly, only belatedly feeling sorry to Sejoon for being somewhat rude to him for no reason.

“Oh, I guess Jungkook just ordered the same set for both rooms. Let me go get the menu and order something else for you...” Sejoon fumbled to get out from his seat.

“It’s ok oppa, I’m not that hungry anyway” you replied with a customary smile this time.

---

Kijin and Sejoon had no problems finishing the whole platter of sashimi on their own and giving you a rundown of the best types of sashimi during the different seasons when someone barges into the room. It was Jungkook.

“Hyung!” Jungkook called out. Sejoon naturally responded but Jungkook looks past him to Yeonjoo’s manager instead, “Not you Hyung... Kijin Hyung... Did Yeonjoo’s sasaeng appear again?”

Kijin looked visibly tensed when the question was asked and there was a long pause before he answered, “It was quiet for a while, but after your scandal with her, it started again.”

Yeonjoo was now in the room too, telling Jungkook that it is nothing and that there was no need for him to worry so much.

“Maybe you should hire bodyguards for her too...” Jungkook nagged at Kijin.

“Hey Jeon Jungkook, we are working on that, we already have a few lined up, but we are just clearing background checks before we can officially use them... so stop saying these obvious things...” Kijin was his usual annoyed self.

“Kijin Oppa,” Yeonjoo started to say something, “I wanted to use the washroom and they said it’s across the garden, can you come along?”

“What? The washroom is outside?” Kijin responded exasperatedly and was cursing under his breath.

“I can take you there” Jungkook quickly volunteered.

“Haha, that would be weird...” Yeonjoo laughed, “and we can’t be caught together again.”

Jungkook wanted to rebut that, but he really couldn’t. The deal with Director Lee was clear – even if they were seen to be in the same restaurant today, the official story would be that he was here with you and Yeonjoo to celebrate her birthday, he can’t be captured alone with her... but what about you?

“Wait... Y/N... why don’t you go with her?” Jungkook suddenly suggested.

Your eyes widened and you were about to protest but Kijin has latched onto the idea, “Oh... oh oh, yeah since you are here... just go with her quickly and come back.”

You looked towards Sejoon for some back up but you knew it was already a closed case, so when he only smiled sheepishly back at you, you gave a reluctant “alright” and dragged yourself out from your seat.

---

The washroom was located in a separate building across the traditional Korean-styled garden. It was a beautiful path to walk through and you hardly had any complains. At the end of the garden to the left was a road that sloped steeply upwards to the carpark and the main entrance.

As you approached the end of the scenic path, Yeonjoo suddenly decided to break the silence, “It must be quite tough for you to do your job and still have to keep up the fake relationship.”

You quickly looked around in alarm, trying to make sure that no one was in the vicinity to hear the conversation even though she said it pretty softly.

“Umm... yeah... it is” you stammered. “Should I wait for you outside or follow you in?” you asked her hastily to change the topic.

“Mmmm...” she was was about to answer some kind of rattling noise alerted you.

You turned sharply towards the sound and notices a humongous trolley stacked high with boxes hurtling down the slope towards the both of you. The boxes were tied to the trolley and the speed it came at you was incredibly fast.

There was only a split second to make a decision so you instinctively pushed Yeonjoo away before trying to jump out of the way but there was just not enough time. Your shoulder ended up scraping the tower of boxes that came tumbling down heavily. Even though you were only hit by it peripherally, the force was enough to spin and throw you to the ground. A loud crash followed as the trolley topples over and some of the boxes falls onto you, the contents spilling everywhere, revealing that it had contained bags of rice and fruits.

You turned to look at the top of the road – there was no one in sight. Where could this trolley have come from? You struggled to get back onto your feet and hastily made your way to where Yeonjoo was sitting in shock on the floor.

“Are you alright? Are you able to get up?” you questioned.

“What was that?” she uttered shakily.

“I don’t know... Let’s go, quick... I don’t think it’s safe here...” you replied while reaching out a hand to help her up.

---

Although you were in pain yourself, you let Yeonjoo rest her weight on you as you helped her back towards the traditional Hanok building that housed the private rooms. She was limping as she made her up the few tiny steps, and the moment Jungkook spotted her walk into the hallway he immediately rushed over.

He started fussing incessantly, “Are you ok?! Did you get you hurt? What happened?! Is it serious, let me see it...”

And suddenly the attention was all on you.

“I told you to protect her... isn’t that your only job? Is this how you protect someone?” his tone couldn’t have been anymore accusing and you were mildly offended by that tone.

“Jungkook it’s not like that, there was a trolley that came out of nowhere and she pushed me aside to avoid it” Yeonjoo tried to explain and hold him back.

“Do you not know how important it is for an idol not to get injured? If she sprained her ankle or broke an arm, what will you do about her upcoming activities?” Jungkook continued tearing into you.

You remained silent, not because you did not want to respond, but because you felt offended that you had to respond.

“Jungkook-ah, I think that’s enough... let’s find out what happened first... I’m sure she didn’t intend to hurt her either” Sejoon was stepping in and tugged at his arm to pull him away from you.

Jungkook forcefully shakes off Sejoon, “Did you?” he hissed.

There was silence all around. Nobody responded, he obviously took it too far. If you had any remnants of pity or feelings left for him, it vanished in that moment.

The foolish fangirl was overtaken by the fearless fighter. You determinedly took a step closer to him and stared him straight in his eyes.

“You can say that I did a bad job in protecting her, you can yell at me all you want for that, but don’t... don’t ever try to question my intentions. I know very well how important she is. And my job is to put my wellbeing and my life on the line to protect that. Do you think I'd joke around for something like this? For someone who is too cowardly to risk anything to protect the person you like, what right do you have to be saying all these to me?” you were almost gritting your teeth by the end of all this.

Jungkook was clearly taken aback by your outburst and so was everyone else.

While they ravelled in your words, you turned to stalk off from the scene. There was a sharp pain in your ankles but it didn’t deter you, neither did the shouts from Sejoon calling your name after a few seconds.

You somehow managed to make your way to the main road. Just as you raised your hand to hail a taxi, the throbbing pain in your left shoulder and upper back finally hits you hard. It was immensely painful... it must have been... because you broke down into tears at the roadside, crouching on the pavement.

In that moment you questioned yourself – what is so important in this world that people risk their life and themselves for? No, at least they risk it for what is important to them. Why are you risking everything for what is important to someone else?

---

“You know how it’s like, sometimes they are so noisy at the dorms, so I'd rather come to the company to do the recording on those days,” Yoongi was explaning to Myunghoon why he was at the office on an off-day from the backseat of their black van.

“Fine... next time get one of the interns to come pick you up in that case” Myunghoon was griping as he drove towards the dorms but notices something queer on the roadside.

“Oh?? Isn’t that Y/N? It looks like her...” he exclaimed.

Yoongi looks out the tinted windows to see you curled up at the side of the pavement as Myunghoon drove past.

“Should I turn back?” Myunghoon kept glancing into the side-view mirror.

“Is that even a question?”

---

The van stops along the kerb and Yoongi alights, checking again and again whether it is really you.

“What’s going on?? What are doing here?? Please don’t tell me you are drunk...” his words were direct but his tone was somewhat timid.

Just as his questioning ended, he catches on that you are crying.

“Are... Are you ok?” he stammered.

“Y/N! What are you doing here?” Myunghoon had walked over too. “Are you alright? Hey...”

Myunghoon reaches out to get you to stand up so that they can stop huddling over you but as he grabs your arm to help you up, you winced in pain.

“It hurts...” you were crying really unglamourously.

“What hurts? Did you hurt yourself?” Myunghoon asked you patiently.

“Hey, we can’t keep standing here at the side of the road. Get in the car, we’ll take you to the hospital” Yoongi said rather gently and he notices the damage your jacket has sustained.

You eventually got in the car. As they headed towards the hospital, you continued sniffling and you really wanted to whack yourself over the head for being such a weakling.

Yoongi carefully hands you a tissue. You looked at him with your cheeks stained from all the tears, gratefully accepting it.

“Thank you... again” you said. He just kept quiet while Myunghoon chattered away in the driver seat about how you should claim insurance if it is a work injury.

“Are you always so nice to your staff? You usually look like the kind that wouldn’t really care much...” you asked Yoongi quite out of the blue.

“I don’t know, the guy driving the car probably doesn’t think I’m very nice...” his answer was jokingly sarcastic.

You laughed a tiny laugh while still dabbing away at your eyes and he too smiled a little.

After a momentary pause, he said without looking at you, “You are right... I generally don’t bother making the effort to care... but you seem to be an exception.”

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the-gedonelune-times · 6 years

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The Fear Of Losing You ch. 4 pt. 1

Hello my lovelies~ part one of chapter four is officially up! Part two should be done within a few days~ I just wanted to say that in the future there will some yuri scenes, so if you’re uncomfortable with that, then this a heads up :) .

I also want to take this time to say thank you to those who have read and even reblogged or loved the series so far! It makes me so happy to know that you all have enjoyed the series so far! It’s given me to courage and motivation to write more and I just can’t thank you all enough for that *blush*.

So without further ado, I give you chapter four, I hope you all enjoy and as always, comments are always accepted! xoxoxo

After the terrifying events that took place the day before, a lot has been weighing down on not just Nadia’s shoulders, but her friends’ shoulders as well. With a lot on their minds already, graduation and the near future could prove to be rather difficult for them all, can they all remain as strong as they have been? Or will they crush under the stress and chaos that is soon to come?

How long had I been running? I wondered as I continued sprinting towards a faint light in the distance. I had to get out of here, or else that thing would capture me. My body wouldn't be able to take much more, my legs were turning into jelly and I found myself traveling at a slower pace than before.

Thankfully the light in front of my was drawing closer and closer.... however. Just as I reached out to touch it, something wrapped around my arm, the force was so strong that it sent me flying into my back. I tried to sit up, but was pushed back by a heavy force pushing down on my chest, causing to cry out a little. I tried resisting the force that was being set upon me, and that's when my arms were held down by these tendrils of black clouds.

They slithered up my body like a snake and were used as restraints, from there, one wrapped itself around my neck like a boa constrictor. I found it hard to breathe, the scenery around me began to spin as I tried fighting and gasping for air.

My eyes flew open and I screamed at the top of my lungs, my hair was stuck to my face, so I knew I had to have been sweating. In front of me stood Amelia, Professor Schuyler and Sigurd. They all had a worried expression on there faces "Miss Water, you look as pale as a ghost. You do not need medical attention as well, do you?" Schuyler raised a brow as he asked. I replied by shaking my head before I spoke "n-no... I...I just had a bad dream, I'm alright, I promise."

Folding his arms, he gave a serious and stern look, "I see, well, perhaps you need to lie d some good to get some proper rest, considering you and a few others will be putting on a farewell performance for the graduates." Schuyler then turned to look at Amelia "Miss Nile, I expect you to safely escort Miss Water back to your dorm." It was all he said before turning around and heading down the hallway, the clicking sound of his footsteps trailing farther away in the distance.

I pushed myself off of the sofa and had to stand for a second, the room seemed to be spinning a little and my vision was a bit blurry. Amelia grabbed my arm, as did Sigurd "how's Melody?" "Oh, she's doing well, they managed to stop the bleeding and stitched her up. The wound was so bad that not even magic could help heal it all the way, but they took care of the worst part. They said within a day or two, she'll be able to move around." Amelia smiled as she spoke, which caused me to smile too. I was so happy and relieved, to know that Melody was going to be alright, she gave us quite a scare, especially for Nova.

After our brief encounter with Nova, we walked in silence for a little while "I wonder what could have caused it." Sigurd spoke up as we walked to the end of the hallway, and down to the entrance of the courtyard. "I'm not sure, but whatever it was seems extremely hostile against humans" "Yes, which makes it weird, sure there are some hostile creatures that roam the woods, but I've never seen a wound quite like the one Melody had. It was much to big for a wolf to make and it was a clean mark, which means it had amazing accuracy."

Hearing Sigurd talk, made me wonder more about it myself, he had a point...most of the creatures that reside in/or near the spring and woods are docile, but even the hostile ones don't have such clean precision. It was like the monster that attacked Melody, had intentions for hitting one specific mark and Melody is the best wizardess for her class. The fact that she barely put up a fight against that thing, means that this was definitely something to worry about.

"You seem quite lost in thought Nadia, care to share?" Sigurd gave me one of his trademark smiles as he spoke. "It's just that....this could be more of a problem, than what we initially thought..." I replied softly to his question, my eyes piercing the ground. "I agree, maybe Klau--" "absolutely not! He may be a very talented wizard, but he isn't invincible to everything. I don't want to risk putting his life in danger." I didn't mean to snap at him, but I did and I felt guilty as I looked down at the ground, attempting to avoid all eye contact with him.

"So...what are you going to do then Nadia?" Amelia, whom had been quiet for a while, finally spoke up. "I'm going to inform the Headmaster about this, if he doesn't already know. We both saw how Melody nearly died.... whatever this thing is, it poses as a severe threat to all of us. We can't risk more lives being out at stake." I spoke as confidently as I could, but my voice was still a bit raspy after experiencing the recent nightmare.

For the rest of the way, we walked in silence until we reached the girls dormitory. From there, Sigurd let go of my left arm and Amelia steadied me a little. "Sigurd....I wanted to apologize, for how I snapped at you. I truly didn't mean to, it's just that..." Sigurd let out a small chuckle and smiled "you didn't want to see Klaus get involved in something, that could result in him getting injured, right? It's understandable, so don't feel like you have to apologize for something like this."

I gave a soft smile and gave a soft â€œthank youâ€, before turning around and heading for the entrance to the dormitory.

~~~~~oOo.Sigurd.oOo~~~~~ After waving off Amelia and Nadia, I spun around and took my leave. Of course I was heading to the place where I had been spending most of my days, the prefect's office. I wonder if Klaus and Randy already knew about the situation that had occurred, if they didn't, it was for the best I at least let them know a little bit. Graduation for us was this afternoon and I for one didn't think that mentioning everything was a good idea.

I took my time making my way to the office, taking in all the sights and smells one last time, but something was off. The daisies, Azaleas and Sakura that grew around in this area...it didn't have the sweet smell, in fact, it smelled damp. I shook my head of any weird thoughts and just continued onwards. Once there, I knocked on the door twice "come in" I chuckled, hearing that stern voice of the prefect himself.

When I opened the door, I was greeted by the faces of both Klaus and Randy and one more. Her soft facial features and silver haired bob-styled hair which reached just a little past her neck was a dead giveaway, not to mention her silver bangs which split off in two, and were longer than the back of her hair itself. "Nova" I gave her a smile, she had been pacing back in forth in the corner, she did stop when I called out her name, but she did not answer. "She's been doing that ever since she came here" Randy's voice rang into my ears. "Taffy even tried snapping her out of this trance, but I guess he's not cute enough" "whaaa? M-masterrrrr!". Taffy's voice rang out and he looked like he was pouting at Randy's recent comment.

Randy of course just laughed and patted his head, assuring him that he was indeed cute and that Nova had a lot on her mind. Which I could completely understand, she almost witnessed the death of her best friend, anyone would be in a trance if such a thing had recently occurred. "You guys heard what happened then?" I asked curiously, while I grabbed a mug and began making a hot cup of coffee. Klaus stuck up his nose and distaste and muttered "disgusting" under his breath, but I still heard it and it made me laugh.

"What are you talking about Sigurd?" Klaus then spun around in his chair and looked at me. Disgust was written on his face clear as day, when he saw the mug. "Well, about Melody?" I asked while taking a sip of the contents in my mug. Klaus raised a brow and Randy shook his head while saying "nu-uh". Nova, who had been pacing back in forth stopped dead in her tracks and looked directly at me. "Hm, I see, so Nova didn't tell you" I said while taking another sip, "Nova, should I tell them, or would you like to?"

Nova took a few steps closer and Klaus spun around in his chair, only this time to face Nova, who now had a few stray tears, falling down her cheeks. "Melody....she...she was attacked in the woods. She left on the day of the finals and I went looking for her--" "so you broke curfew, to go into a restricted area" Klaus intervened. Nova came up and looked at him directly in his eyes "you bet your sweet ass I did, I did it for her! I was worried sick about her and I had to find her! I couldn't let Melody, the one I care about the most, end up hurting or even dead!" Nova's fist hit the top of Klaus's desk hard, making Randy and Taffy jump a little.

Nova then turned around, her back now facing Klaus as she began to speak again. "When someone you love could be in danger, you'd do anything to protect them....if Nadia had been in trouble, you wouldn't have thought twice about jumping into action and breaking rules." Her voice trailed off as her sleeve reached up to her face as she wiped away what I suspected to be tears. Klaus sighed heavily and put his hands over his face, when he let them drop, he spoke in a softer tone "you are right Nova, I apologize, now tell me, when you found her what did you see?"

Nova slowly turned around to face him, her eyes were a little puffy and her hands trembled, but her voice was clear and crisp as she spoke. "When I got there I heard her screaming and I sped towards her. By the time I reached her, she was on her back, her hand over her stomach and....and...there was this massive gash. Her whole uniform and hands were covered and blood and when she tried to speak...she just gurgled and more blood came from her lips. Whatever attacked her was brutal.... she's a top student, she could have put up a distraction and left...but this...this thing must have been quick and relentless to have almost killed her was such ease."

Silence filled the room after she had finished speaking, then Nova put her mouth to her hand and more tears fell from her cheek "I though I had lost her..." her voice was trembling this time and Randy took the box of tissues from the the nearby shelf and handed it to her. "So she will be alright?" Klaus asked and Nova nodded before blowing her nose, "they had to give her actual medicine along with the magic. The magic wasn't even enough to heal her completely." We continued to talk among this topic until Klaus stood up from his chair and looked at me.

"Sigurd, I want you to escort Miss Thorn, to her dorm. Graduation is upon us and I think it would be for the best that she went somewhere to calm down a little. Take a few breaths and recollect herself." I nodded and replied with an "alright" as I went over to Nova and put my hand on her shoulder reassuringly. She looked at me and gave me a soft nod as we walked out of the door and headed down the hallway.

~~~~~oOo.Klaus.oOo~~~~~

I let out a sigh and looked at Randy, "can you please do the most simple of tasks, and shut the door?" To my astonishment, Randy actually follwed directions and did as I said. "I'm impressed, you managed to actually do something productive" I gave off a smirk, as I saw Randy's face turn from that idotic happy face if his, to something filled with a little distaste. "Hey, I do productive things around here!" I let out a scoff as I walked to my tea set "just the other day, you caused an explosion, which filled an entire classroom with melted bubblegum. I don't see how that is productive, in fact it's more of an hindrance than anything." I added as I brewed my tea, adding a few sugar cubes to the mix.

Randy folded his arms and looked at me "for your information it is productive, Now I know not to add too much gummy oil extract the next time I try that experiment." I sat down and gave him a glare. "I'm very thankful that today is the day we graduate and head our separate ways. Looking at you just makes me feel sick and nervous to my stomach." Randy gave off a loud laugh and he held his stomach, "now come on Klausy, you don't mean that." I rolled my eyes at his latest remark before taking a sip from my cup.

"Now listen to me Randy, what I'm about to say is serious and I'm concerned it won't process through that jelly bean sized brain of yours." "Hey! Now that was uncalled for" he pouted and put his hands on hips. "I'm serious Randy, listen I need someone to keep an eye out on Nadia for me. I'll be stuck in my office until graduation ceremony finishing up the rest of my work, since I know you're too lazy to do any of the work yourself". Randy was about to open his mouth to say something, but I raised my hand up to shut him up.

"As I was saying, I will lend you my familiar, as I can't be there to protect her from her reckless tendencies. I fear she may get curious and go searching for things that are not to be found. Also, my familiar will be watching your moves as well. If you try to touch her or flirt with her and I find out about it, just remember that I can hide a body." Randy was about to say something but instead gave a nervous chuckle "alright, alright Klausy, I'll follow your orders.

Randy then grabbed Taffy and ran out of the room "Dammit Randy! Stop calling me that!" However my voice must have seemed like a distant whisper to him by that point. "That cotton candy head, he will be the reason for my death" I sighed and then rubbed my temples before taking another sip from my cup.

~~~~~~oOo.Nadia.oOO~~~~~

I sat on the edge of my bed, my left hand was outstretched in front of me, hovering right above it was a small orb of water. I had been practicing for the performance that Elias, Yukiya, Cerim and I were going to put on. We were the ones chosen for our class and we had decided to do it in pairs. Yukiya would work with Elias and I would work with Cerim.

I rolled the water orb around my hand before I threw it into the air, as I did I tried my hardest to concentrate my power, on it, making it hold it's shape even in the air. I did this for about a minute, before I moved my hand. The water orb followed the movement of my hand and before long, it started falling apart into a line, which was now under my control. I couldn't help but smile while watching the water dance around to my movements, It filled me with happiness to know that I was capable of doing such things.Â

"Ooo! look at you go!" a sudden voice made me lose my concentration for a second, I tried to stabilize the water once more, but sadly, my efforts in do so, were futile. "Randy! You can't be here!" I turned my head and shouted at the figure, who now stood on my dorm's balcony. "It's not like I'm actually inside the dorm. Besides, I wanted to see what you were up to."

I watched him as he sat on the balcony railing while giving that innocent smile of his. "Oh hey Nadia, I wanted to ask you something." "what is it?" I asked while going and grabbing a rag, cleaning up the mess from the water. "It's about Melody...did you see what it was?" Randy's usual cheerful tone was now sullen and serious, I glanced up only to notice that his eyes held a firm gaze, one that meant business.

"I wasn't there when she got attacked...but...I did have this weird dream. I saw this shadow and it was chasing me, but I didn't know where I was or how I ended up there. All I knew was that something was chasing me and my instinct told me to run away as far as I could. But...." I stopped my dream talk right then and there. I thought it would be best not to talk too much about the dream, especially when I knew Randy was sent by Klaus. I also knew that Klaus' familiar was most likely around and would let Klaus know of everything I say, which I didn't want to happen, especially when it's the day of his graduation. He should be happy, not worried about a dream I had, which could actually be "prophetic" and somehow come true.

Randy let out a sigh and stretched his arms out wide "well, whatever it was, it seems to have caught the attention of some people. I guess Headmaster himself has put in a word to the Ministry of Magic, to send a representative down here and have a look." I had just finished cleaning the spot on the floor when suddenly my vision became blurry and the scenery around me began to spin and the world around me became black.

When my vision returned, I was back in the same place, like before, back when I was being chased, this time however, it was a bit different. I looked around, noticing at how the scenery had changed, I also took note that this time, someone else was with me. A tall muscular figure stood almost a hundred feet away from me, of course, my curiosity took over and I was compelled to make my way over to the man.

"Excuse me? Who are you? What are you doing here?" I had asked while walking closer. It seemed that he couldn't hear me and when I tried to poke him and get his attention, my hand went right through him.

I quickly put my hand to my heart, knowing that this was in fact a vision I was having. "You! What do you think you're doing here, don't you know that this site has been subject to hostility?" The man shouted at someone, at first it looked like he was screaming at me, but how could he? I wasn't really here, I was just looking into the future from a distance. It was at that moment I turned around and that's when I noticed it...the same dark figure that had chased me in the forest previously, was now slowly stumbling towards me and the man.

"Oh no....he has to run...." "w-wh-what the hell are you?" the man took out his wand, but as he did, the shadow unleased a black tentacle looking spear, which aimed at and then impaled the man's chest, impaling him to a nearby tree. I screamed at the top of my lungs, at the scene that I had just witnessed. My legs turned to jelly and I fell to the ground while tears started to spill down.

I began slapping my cheeks, trying to make this horrible vision end, I wanted to be back in my dorm, I didn't want to spend another second in this terrible place. Just then, my eyes came into contact with something shiny, it must have fallen off the man when he was so brutally murdered. When I picked it up my eyes widened and I dropped it immediately.

It was a badge.....a badge that people in the ministry wear, which meant....that the representative that Headmaster would send, would be murdered. It was then, that the scenery began to fade and I was once more in my dorm room. "Nadia!! Wake up!" Randy's frantic voice snapped me to reality. "I'm....I'm awake" I said softly "thank goodness!" Don't go and scare me like that again! Have you not been getting enough sleep or something?" My legs trembled slightly and so did my voice "I-I think I must have used up too much energy, while I was practicing for the performance." I hated that I had to lie to him, but I wasn't going to worry anyone, especially since today was a big day. "Alright, just please take it easy next time" Randy gave a soft smile as he spoke, before letting out a sigh "I should probably head back to the prefect office, before he gets mad".

Randy began to laugh and that caused me to smile, I knew right away who he was talking about, and just thinking about my Emperor, made my heart beat rapidly. "Oh, hey Randy? Can you give this to Klaus?" I began to rummage around in my school bag, pulling out a cutely wrapped box, moments later. "Sure, but what's inside?" Randy asked curiously, before shaking the box a little, trying to figure out its contents. "It's some homemade sweets, I thought he might like something to eat, since I know he hasn't left his office for quite some time."Â

"Ooo! If it's sweets, then I don't know how safely the box will get to him! I love your sweets sooooooo much!" Randy beamed, a big bright smile formed on his lips, while he looked intently on the box. "Don't worry Randy, I have some for you too!" I quickly rummaged in my bag and brought out a small bottle with a ribbon. Inside, was an assortment of different homemade candies "oh, wow! Look at how colorful they are! Thanks Nadia!" Randy quickly grabbed his sweet gift and opened it, plopping one of the candies into his mouth.

A hum of delight could be heard and a smile, followed shortly after "it's so savory and sweet!" Randy said before closing up the bottle and putting it in his cloak's pocket. Randy didn't stay long, he left a few minutes later, and at around the time he left, Amelia had entered the room, and relief washed over me. "Amelia, thank goodness you're here" "oh? Is everything alright?" She asked curiously while removing her cloak and heading over to her desk. "I have a lot to tell you...."

~~~~~oOo.Randy.oOo~~~~~

As I walked back to the office, I couldn't stop eating the sweet candies that Nadia had made for me. Speaking of Nadia, I still kept wondering about what had happened in the dorm, she said that she overworked herself, yet something inside, made me question it. All I remember was that she was talking and cleaning up her magic mess, then the next thing I know, I hear a gasp and she collapsed right there on the spot.

What was even more concerning, was that her eyes had changed colour as well, they weren't that pretty emerald green, they were gold....like a rose gold. "Masteeeeer!" a cry snapped me out of my thoughts, and my faithful familiar came skipping towards me. He had his usual smile as he approached "Taffy! I told you to wait in the courtyard while I went to see Nadia". "Klaus big meanie, he sent me to find you or else, then he call me name!" Taffy looked like he was in the verge of tears, so I grabbed him and placed him on my shoulder.

"What did he call you?" "he call me a furball and a pest" I frowned slightly, yeesh, Klaus seems to always have his trousers on too tight! He doesn't have to be so rude "well that wasn't very nice of him, but hey! I have something that might make Klaus be a little bit nicer." As I said that Taffy burst into a smile "cure meanie Klaus! cure meanie Klaus!" he began chanting happily and I had to laugh.

We continued walking and once we reached the prefect's office, I opened the door and headed right in "hellloooo Klausy". I heard a groan and Klaus looked up at me annoyed "just once, could you be less annoying?" His gaze then returned back to the stack of papers, where he was carefully organizing everything and putting them in specific boxes. "Woooow look at you! You work hard!" I laughed as I said it.

A piercing glare was shot in my direction "yes, it's something you're not familiar with" Klaus growled "what am I not familiar with?" I asked, knowing that I was slowly but surely making him angry. "Work and doing anything useful around here, you imbecile!" Klaus nearly shouted at me, his eyes not moving from the task in front of him. "Oh okay, so I guess delivering the baked sweets, that Nadia made for you, isn't useful."

I smirked as I said that, already assuming what reaction he'd have, to hearing that. Sure enough, I was right, Klaus stopped dead in the middle of his task, and looked at me, turning his chair around to face me. "Nadia made sweets for me? Give them here." "What's the magic word Klaus?" "Dammit Randy! Give them to me!". I quickly reached in and grabbed the box from my pocket "yeesh, here take it" I said while pouting and handing him the box.

Klaus quickly took the box and delicately unwrapped it, a smile curled on his lips and he took one of the sugar cookies from it and liked it on his desk, he then got up and went over to where his tea set was, specifically, one that was given to him by Nadia, for Christmas one year. Once he set up his tea, he sat back down and took a sip. "Tell me, while on your visit, how was Nadia behaving?" Klaus asked before taking a bite of the sugar cookie.

"Well....Nadia got really tired, she had been practicing really hard and collapsed" Klaus dropped his cookie and got up from his seat, after I had said that. "But don't worry Klaus! She's alright and plus, Amelia would there soon and would make sure she's alright. You know how those two are, they watch each other and make sure one another is safe.”

That is not the point, the point is that she has yet again worked herself into exhaustion, I swear, no matter how many times I tell her not to do something, she does the complete opposite. Klaus let out a heavy sigh and put his hands on his temples. “But Klausy, she was practicing for the ceremony, she’s doing this all for you, can’t you show a little appreciation? Or at least some other emotion besides your grumpiness?”

Klaus shot a piercing glare after I spoke, but then turned his head to the side, I the light from the window hit his face and indicated that he was blushing. I couldn’t help but smile, sure he was terrible at saying romantic things, but deep down I knew the love he had for Nadia was deep endless. You know, we should probably start practicing for the ceremony. I suppose you’re right, though hearing those words come out of your mouth almost gave me a heart attack

Klaus got up and carried the remaining papers in his hands and headed out the door. “There’s no need to be so rude!” I called out before running him down. The trip was so agonizing with his lecture, but for some reason I felt sadness at the fact that he would no longer yell at me. I kind of liked pissing him off...

#klaus goldstein #randy march #sigurd curtis #amelia nile #oc #mc #wizardess heart

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mrmichaelchadler · 5 years

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Bright Wall/Dark Room February 2019: A Love Story and a Tragedy - Second Lives and Lost Time in Doctor Zhivago

We are pleased to offer an excerpt from the latest edition of the online magazine, Bright Wall/Dark Room. Their latest issue celebrates the theme of "Time." In addition to Roxana Hadadi's piece below on "Doctor Zhivago," they have essays on "The Last Picture Show" and "Texasville," "La Jetee" and "Sans Soleil," the "Captain America" films, "Twin Peaks: The Return," "The Way We Were," "Springsteen on Broadway," "Mirai," "The Set-Up," and more. The above art is by Tony Stella.

You can read our previous excerpts from the magazine by clicking here. To subscribe to Bright Wall/Dark Room, or look at their most recent essays, click here.

Some movies have been in my life so long that I have no memory of when I first saw them, except to know that they’re my parents’ favorite movies, and by extension, some of my own: The Sound of Music, Giant, Vertigo, To Kill a Mockingbird, Lawrence of Arabia, The Bridge on the River Kwai. David Lean, the director of the latter two films, might be my parents’ favorite for the vastness of space he was able to capture in his lens, the intimacy of feeling, the way his characters often become trapped in situations of their own making.

Doctor Zhivago is the Lean film my parents return to most often, and the one that shatters me most thoroughly—a love story and a tragedy in equal measure, the elegantly lilting strings of a balalaika building upward and upward and upward until they are abruptly cut short. It makes me think of how my parents measure time: before the revolution, and after it.

Not the Russian Revolution, although that is the focus of Lean’s Doctor Zhivago, adapted from the novel by Boris Pasternak, but the Iranian Revolution—1978 through 1979. My parents weren’t living in Iran then; they had already gingerly stepped forward into their second lives in America. There had been a prospect of maybe going back to their homeland, to a place that they say feels different, looks different, is different from the United States; but that was no longer possible. There are places you can’t go back to, and questions you can’t ask, and people you can’t be anymore. Doctor Zhivago is about all of that, and watching the movie as many times as I have is mostly about trying to understand my parents’ lives, failing, and desperately trying over and over again. It’s about losing something, and unceasingly searching for it, and wondering if love is ever enough.

“Feelings, insights, affections—it’s suddenly trivial now,” says the Bolshevik commander Strelnikov (Tom Courtenay), a man who used a revolution and a war to reinvent himself, to the poet Dr. Yuri Zhivago (Omar Sharif, gorgeous), whose writings are publicly outlawed by the Soviet regime and secretly admired by the Russian people. But that interiority is all Yuri has in a society that is controlled, watched, and surveilled. It’s all my parents had, too.

To be a first-generation American is to grow up realizing there are questions your immigrant parents absolutely won’t answer, parts of themselves they will never share. I know the bare sketches of my parents’ lives before they came to the United States, but I also know—intrinsically, maybe—what not to push. Maybe it’s a cliché to say an elementary school family tree assignment was an unexpected difficulty, but it was.

There were grandparents I didn’t know who had died, and aunts and uncles and cousins I would never know because they lived in Iran and couldn’t come visit us, and we couldn’t go visit them. A veil hanging over all of it, like the chadors and hijabs the Islamic government began to force all women to wear outside of the home after the Revolution. Iran’s women are fierce—they serve in the Iranian Parliament, have been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize and the Fields Medal, practice jiu-jitsu in secret and win Olympic medals for taekwondo—but this mandatory covering is only one of many means of government control, of the diminishing of personal choice.

Everything I wanted to know about what my parents had gone through, what informed their decisions, what shaped their lives, was like picking at the edges of a scab, a wound not fully healed. The time to ask those questions never seemed right. Nothing about the Iranian Revolution seemed to work out like people wanted—not for people like my parents, or people like their friends, or people like the professors I had while studying Persian literature and film in college. They wanted freedom from monarchy and ended up with restriction through religion.

This is a culture that prized art and poetry and beauty (and wine!) for centuries, but not much of that was respected in the same way anymore. Not after the power grabs of the Iranian Revolution went the hardliners’ way, and not after the Islamic government consolidated authority throughout the Iran-Iraq War of the 1980s, and not after increasingly fraught relationships with the rest of the world in the 1990s and 2000s. All this despite cries from inside the country, despite bloodshed in the streets.

Intellectuals disappeared, dissenters disappeared, writers and musicians and artists disappeared. My parents whispered their names. They hung their portraits on our library wall. And I rarely, possibly never, asked about them. Maybe I thought I couldn’t, or maybe I thought I shouldn’t. “Why dig deeper into my parents’ pain?” I rationalized then. “Why didn’t I care enough to ask?” I think now.

“We admire your brother very much,” says a dam worker to Lt. Gen. Yevgraf Zhivago (Alec Guinness) at the beginning of Doctor Zhivago, in the 1950s, when Yevgraf is searching for a woman he suspects is his half-brother’s lost daughter. “Everybody seems to—now,” Yevgraf says back in Guinness’s crisp, perfectly commanding voice, but not even he has a response to the man’s follow-up: “We couldn’t admire him when we weren’t allowed to read him.”

What you’re allowed to do and not allowed to do comes up often in Doctor Zhivago. Where you’re allowed to work, what you’re allowed to read, who you’re allowed to love. The story begins before World War I, in two different spheres of Russian life. First is the upper-class world of Yuri, a young man who was adopted as a child by a well-to-do old-money family and has since excelled at nearly everything he tries: graduating in the top three of his class from medical school, attracting national and international acclaim for his deeply felt poetry. And then there’s Lara (Julie Christie, resplendent): 17 years old, working class, determined to win a scholarship to university, the daughter of a seamstress catering to wealthy clients, preyed upon by the well-connected government official and despicably manipulative villain, Victor Komarovsky (Rod Steiger), who used to be a friend of her dead father’s.

Yuri has the empathy of an artist and the compassion of a healer. He sees his patients and is moved by their humanity, and when he meets Lara, he admires her resolve. It takes a certain kind of steadfastness to refuse a man like Komarovsky, whose obsession with Lara resulted first in an affair and then in sexual abuse, and that is what drives Lara for years afterward. When Yuri meets her again four years later, it’s on the Ukrainian Front during World War I, where he’s working as a field doctor and she has volunteered as a nurse. They’re each married—Yuri to Tonya (Geraldine Chaplin), the daughter of the family he grew up with, and Lara to former labor organizer and political dissident Pasha Antipov (Courtenay), before he transforms himself into the merciless Strelnikov—but their love for each other is an undeniable thing.

When the dam worker learns who Yevgraf is in the beginning of Doctor Zhivago, he speaks of the titular man and “the Lara” with an air of wonder and reverence. Yuri’s most famous poems were about her, but also the uncertainty of living in a country in transition, with a past that now seemed unfathomably distant. “Wouldn’t it have been lovely if we met before?” Lara wonders, and the question nearly drives Yuri to insanity (“I think we may go mad if we think about all that”) not only because of the possibilities it holds but because of the reality that it never was. “I shall always think about it,” Lara replies, but her hope for the future is hollow. There can be no redemption of the past.

Lean understands the hazy nature of time, framing Yuri and Lara together in shots with fuzzy edges, like a treasured memory slowly slipping away. Most importantly, he lets Christie and Sharif explore the rhythms of their characters as they fall in love. As Yuri, Sharif’s eyes glitter with tears nearly every time he looks at Lara. That rawness is reminiscent of the emotion that washes over his face during his first conversation with Komarovsky, when the man admitted to knowing Yuri’s father and complimented the way “he was devoted to your mother.” Yuri guards the memories of his parents with the same fierceness it took Lara to stand up to her abuser, and he understands what the passion he feels for Lara means.

And as Lara, Christie has the unwavering glare of a woman who knows she has been wronged, who has been conditioned to believe that men never stay, who remembers how her mother almost killed herself when she learned of her daughter’s sexual relationship with Komarovsky. She refuses Yuri’s romantic overtures at first, but who doesn’t desire to love and to be loved? When they meet again, she is stunned into silence, and then overjoyed. “Your letters were full of her,” Tonya had said to Yuri when he returned from the front, noting how often Lara came up in his correspondence home. His heart was full of her, too, and all of them knew it. Yuri, Lara, Tonya, trapped in a maze of love and loss of their own making, stepping toward and backing away from each other over years of time, as the country around them roiled and rebelled.

“Adapt yourself,” a volunteer for the Red Guard tells Yuri after his service at the front has ended. When he returns to Moscow, he learns his house has been partitioned into living space for 13 families. Soviet officials are watching his every move, concerned that his popular poetry is anti-Communist. Time has mutated Yuri’s home into a place where everything is forbidden—honesty, sincerity, kindness—and his family must eventually flee. “Your attitude is noticed,” one of those party members says to Yuri before Yevgraf steps in to warn his half-brother that Moscow is no longer safe for him. But when your country is unrecognizable to you, where can you go?

My parents returned to Iran to marry—my father in a creamy ivory suit and crisp leather shoes, my mother in a satin dress with knife pleats and a lace veil—but came back to the United States to live. They said their vows and made their promises in a place they loved, and then they left. What kind of bravery does it take to start over? What depths of fortitude? The kind that Yuri and Tonya drew on to relocate their family to the Russian countryside, to starting new lives in the desolate Varykino, where each winter encases their cottage in depths of ice? Or the kind that inspires Yuri to leave the Red Army after being captured and forced to be their medical officer for two years? The decision almost seems lackadaisical, just a man on a horse, watching other men walk away from him in a misty, snowy field, turning backward instead of forward. But the simplicity of that motion—one path taken, another refused—is the end of one life and the beginning of another.

Yuri’s choice is one in a series of many that demonstrate his love for Tonya, his love for Lara, and his love for his country—and yet each source of affection is, with time, also a source of suffering. He learns that Tonya and their children fled Russia while he was held by the Red Army, and is haunted by visions of them trudging through snow, leaving him behind. He discovers that Lara is in the nearby village Yuryatin, and although they renew their love for each other, they’re found by Komarovsky, whose obsession with Lara has continued unabated. “Who are you to refuse me anything?” Komarovsky snarls. But he divulges that the couple is in danger and helps Lara escape, providing transport for her—pregnant with Yuri’s daughter—to Mongolia, where they can live in secrecy.

But Yuri? “He’ll never leave Russia,” Lara says, and she’s right. Years after they part, Yuri dies of a heart attack, thinking he spotted Lara walking by on a sidewalk, unable to gain her attention from the inside of a passing-by train. It’s a moment of profound, devastating loneliness in a film that specializes in them. Yuri is a boy when we first see him at his mother’s funeral, imagining what her body looks like inside its wooden casket. That night, he peers out of an icy window, listening to frozen branches tapping against the glass, his only possession the colorful balalaika that was his inheritance from his mother—and that he never had the talent to play, but years later, his daughter with Lara does. As an adult, he’s a half-frozen man in tattered clothes, a vacant, haunted look in his eyes as he flees the Red Army as a deserter. And in his last moments of happiness with Lara, he’s a romantic who refuses Komarovsky’s offer of help because he can’t abide being assisted by a man like that.

Lean excels at pinpointing how Yuri is a man out of place, struggling to understand a country around him that is changing all the time. Alone when watching a workers’ march and the ensuing military slaughter of the protestors from the balcony of his family’s palatial home. Alone when following the fragmented rays of sunlight piercing through the trees of a quiet, foggy forest. Alone when facing off against a pack of howling wolves. And alone when wandering through a reclaimed estate turned into a makeshift hospital, the only other living thing inside the home a vase of sunflowers, their petals slowly falling.

In death, Yuri is all of those selves: the boy abandoned, the citizen disillusioned, the man overcome by love. When he collapses in the street, he is overwhelmed by other bodies running to his aid, while the one he wants to see so badly—the woman who could be Lara—keeps on walking, oblivious to his pain. I cry so frantically every time I watch Yuri die that sometimes I feel like I’ve stopped breathing: mourning the life of a man emblematic of an idealism long gone, and mourning the lives my parents could have had.

“Don’t you want to believe it?” Yevgraf asks Tanya (Rita Tushingham), a young woman he thinks is Lara’s and Yuri’s missing daughter, after he tells her the story of his half-brother and the woman he loved. “Not if it isn’t true,” she replies, and there’s such yearning to that statement: the desire to truly know something, to examine the ridges and contours of it, to feel how it fits into a part of your heart that previously was unfilled.

Doctor Zhivago doesn’t have a happy ending. Aside from Yuri’s death, there’s Lara’s disappearance (“She died or vanished somewhere in one of the labor camps, a nameless number on a list that was afterward mislaid. That was quite common in those days,” Yevgraf says), and the realization that maybe Tanya won’t ever accept the truth of her parentage. And there’s the truth, of course, that millions of other people died during that time in Russia’s history, that countless families were pulled apart, that so many people were sent away and never came back. Not that different from the Iranian Revolution and what happened afterward. Not really.

“He kept a lot to himself,” Yevgraf says of Yuri, and I think of my parents. Of the lives they had before they met each other and before they married and before they realized the Iran they were born into was no longer theirs. Of all the things they keep hidden away, even now, even after they’ve lived the majority of their lives outside of a country they still call home. Of all the family they can’t embrace again. Of all the time they can’t get back.

I realize in my adulthood that maybe this is why my parents hold Doctor Zhivago so close to their hearts. Maybe they see Yuri and Lara in themselves: people who were denied a country and a way of life. “People will be different after the revolution,” the man who was once Pasha Antipov tells Lara. “It takes a while to get used to things, doesn’t it?” Yuri’s adoptive father says to him. Both were right and both were wrong, and that duality—the inescapably forward movement of time, and how people and places and identities are lost to the past, destroyed and mourned—is the aching tragedy of Doctor Zhivago.

from All Content http://bit.ly/2SsEZC5

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