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red-moon-at-night · 10 months

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Let's talk a little bit about Mahiru's boyfriend

This post is alternatively titled "Mahiru's Boyfriend Probably Had An Eating Disorder And I Am Very Sad About It So Now You Get To Be Sad About It With Me" but that felt a bit much in the bold title font so I'm trying to tone this down at least a little bit :')

So I was reading this wonderful post earlier (you should too btw it has a LOT of interesting information), and as I was going through the food section something clicked in my brain. Pieces of information that were drifting aimlessly before quickly came together for me and I almost wish they hadn’t because oh boy is it depressing.

Now, nothing I’m about to say here is explicitly stated - but I do think it is strongly insinuated, through the MVs of both ‘This Is How To Be In Love With You’ (TIHTBILWY what an acronym wow) and ‘I Love You’. I am aware that the latter video has a lot of metaphorical imagery, but I still think some of this imagery can be taken in a literal sense to reinforce ideas established in TIHTBILWY.

TW/Trigger Warnings: discussion of eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia, etc.), discussion of suicide and suicidal thoughts. Please take these into consideration and stay safe!

credit to iaobug’s transcribed images from ‘This Is How To Be In Love With You’ used below btw!

Now I’ve always had an inkling this could be possible, but I didn’t realise until recently there was this much evidence supporting a little idea of mine dancing around in my head.

But First, Some Quick Definitions and Criteria

First things first, I think we should briefly clarify what an eating disorder is and what eating disorder I think Mahiru’s boyfriend most likely had.

Here are some definitions:

Eating disorders are behavioral conditions characterized by severe and persistent disturbance in eating behaviors and associated distressing thoughts and emotions. They can be very serious conditions affecting physical, psychological and social function. (source)

An eating disorder is a mental health condition where you use the control of food to cope with feelings and other situations. (source)

And here are some brief introductions to several types of eating disorders:

The most common eating disorders are:

anorexia nervosa – trying to control your weight by not eating enough food, exercising too much, or doing both bulimia – losing control over how much you eat and then taking drastic action to not put on weight binge eating disorder (BED) – eating large portions of food until you feel uncomfortably full

Other specified feeding or eating disorder (OSFED) – A person may have an OSFED if their symptoms do not exactly fit the expected symptoms for any specific eating disorders.

(source)

Okay, so we have some basic information down, cool! This is not fully comprehensive but it will do for the purposes of this segment.

So what eating disorder do I believe Mahiru’s boyfriend had?

I’m not sure! The information we have is not conclusive enough for me to confidently pick an option. What I will say is most likely, and most common, is OSFED and the concept of the eating disorder cycle. People’s symptoms will often overlap with multiple diagnoses, or shift from one mode of behaviour (e.g. the restrictive eating behaviours found in anorexia) to another (e.g. binge eating and following compensatory behaviours found in bulimia).

Things are often not as clear-cut or black and white as we’d like to imagine.

Let’s move onto looking at the MVs, shall we?

This first music video has a wealth of information hidden in its cute magazine-style annotations and imagery - information that, when you look a little closer and consider the bigger picture, raises all the alarm bells in my mind.

Parts of ‘This Is How To Be In Love With You’ That Make Me Pause In Concern, In Chronological Order:

The Bread

Let's start off with a not very obvious one.

One of the first things we learn about Mahiru’s soon-to-be-boyfriend (which by the way this is literally the 2nd time he’s mentioned) is ‘wow he buys a lot of bread’. Insignificant on its own, I know, but consider this through my lens if you will: my man has bought 5 whole baguettes from a bakery. Not 2 or 3, but 5. Actually, on closer inspection there's even more bread of a different type at the bottom of that bag too. These aren’t store-bought, they’re fresh and will probably go stale in a few days. Pray tell, if the man is not eating baguette for breakfast lunch and dinner over the course of 72 hours... why did he buy so much fucking bread?

What comes to mind when I see this is binge eating. Bread is one of the most common binge foods out there; anything with high carbohydrates or high fat content, in fact, often due to its “unhealthy” or “forbidden” nature.

We'll just have a quick look at Mahiru's comment again:

"I thought to buy the same bread he did, but this is far too much for me to eat... ><

I forgot to ask how many calories there are..."

If it hasn't been established by now with the MV's aesthetic, Mahiru cares about her appearance. A lot. Her self-image and beauty directly ties into looking 'good' enough for others, so she can find the love of her life and please him with her looks.

If Mahiru is also calorie counting, this does not bode well for their relationship. I should probably speak in past tense, actually... Mahiru's own self-image behaviours made her blind to her boyfriend's self-image behaviours. There we go.

But I'm getting ahead of myself here.

So, We have an indication of binge eating behaviours. Remind me again what comes after binging?

The Jogging Hobby

Oh, that’s right - purging.

Excessive exercise is an indirect method of purging/compensatory behaviour found in bulimia. A more commonly known purging method is self-induced vomiting, but that's certainly not the only way to counteract excess calories.

So the jogging, while harmless in isolation, is starting to paint an ever-so-slightly worrying picture.

Again, let's take a look at Mahiru's comment:

"I had a chance to chat with him today, and he mentioned his hobby was jogging. ... I haven't exercised this much in ages... I'm totally exhausted..."

The only hobby (not hobbies but hobby, singular) that we learn the boyfriend has is this. Sure, there's one movie that he also likes... but that's it. There's not much else to him! So when the two most prevalent ideas attached to this guy are 'food' (in excess) and 'exercise' (in excess)... you can see where I'm going with this.

And by the way, the post I linked at the very beginning? Well, they worked out the location of where this running loop is, and judging by Mahiru’s position and direction it would suggest she’s already jogged about 5km and beginning another loop. So we’re looking at a jog ranging from 5-10km (or more)...

The Alcohol

Okay, here's a quick pop quiz question for you. Who is more likely to get drunk on the same volume of alcohol: a 5"1 woman, or an average height (5"7 in Japan) man?

In theory, it should be the 5"7 man on the basis of his height and size. Alcohol tolerance goes up the bigger you are.

So why is it that the boyfriend ended up blackout drunk, and Mahiru... didn't?

Let’s take a look at the comment:

“My first date at a bar, how heartpounding!

Here is where I learned he’s the biggest lightweight I’ve ever met! ...or maybe I’m just really good at holding alcohol?

Whatever the case, blackout drunk him is so cute!”

Three possible options:

Mahiru really can 'hold her liquor'. Judging by her sheltered home life and general lack of adult life experience though, I'm gonna press x to doubt here sorry mappi.

The boyfriend drunk more alcohol than Mahiru. Also unlikely, as she calls him a 'lightweight' and I think she would've highlighted this in her comment.

He drank on an empty stomach. Alcohol absorbs way faster if you haven't had anything to eat beforehand. This, I think is the most likely scenario.

Here's a little more on the subject that I found interesting:

You absorb 20 per cent of alcohol into your bloodstream through your stomach and the rest into your bloodstream through your small intestine.

Drinking a small amount of alcohol stimulates your appetite because it increases the flow of stomach juices. A large amount of alcohol dulls your appetite and can cause malnutrition. (source)

What have we learnt so far?

So we’ve established some concerning behaviours here.

He eats in excess

He exercises in excess

He drinks in excess (on an empty stomach)

I’m actually going to move onto material from the ‘I Love You’ MV, but intertwine it with some of the remaining points from TIHTBILWY.

At this point the relationship has progressed, we’re moving into winter which brings with it the holiday season! Yay! Except not yay, because things are starting to look really bad for Mahiru’s boyfriend. We've gone from this:

To this:

The carousel was fine at first but now it’s taking its toll on him. Both of them have tattered clothes but Mahiru looks optimistic, whilst the boyfriend looks very distraught. His cheekbones are visible and overall he looks a lot less healthy. I guess this is a good time to point out how distinct and visible his collarbone has been this entire time by the way? He’s even bonier than before. Not great.

A lot of events occur at this time of year, such as Christmas (celebrated between couples in Japan as more of a lovers holiday) and new years. What happens a lot during that period of time? Food. Lots of it. This point in the year is not ideal for someone suffering from a worsening eating disorder. This is a period of time which someone would want to move very quickly from because they can’t see the end of it.

I think it’s time to read Mahiru’s comment from day 15:

“Happy new years! To celebrate, we went to a shrine.

Predictably, I already have my wish in mind.

May we stay like this until the end of time.

May nobody stand in my way”

She, on the other hand, is very happy for things to remain as they are.

Day 16 - AKA, Oh No Things Have Gone Terribly Wrong

This is where the narrative hits its climax and everything starts to snowball.

Now, we reach this scene where the boyfriend stops walking and breaks down. He kneels on the ground, digs his nails into it, and pleads for... something. Help? An intervention? A stop to this carousel that’s doing him no good and only making his health (physical and mental) worse?

He never speaks. It is a silent plea.

One that Mahiru misses.

Saying I love you but doing what I did, I know I have no right, crossed and covered in sin

My love, it scored an own goal, destroyed my love and me with its weight

Tell me, oh tell me why, can’t I just do it right

What did you do, Mahiru?

I believe that this scene and response:

Is directly parallel to this event:

As in, they’re the same thing.

One more comment to read:

He’ll be in for a big, delicious surprise once he gets home!

I’ve made SO many notes about his favorite foods, and practiced my butt off!

I can’t wait to see the look on his face when he sees it all.

Her love - her surprise buffet to cheer him up - scored an own goal, so to speak.

I don’t think I need to say much about this picture, or this scene. She’s giving him excess but that excess is literally driving him over the edge. The nuance is lost between them, and they both need different things from each other and they’re not getting it. Cake to rats, rats to cake.

They’re back on the carousel, spinning around and around with things never changing, no end in sight.

I want to end on this frame of the MV. You see the pole behind the boyfriend? It’s reminding me of rope, and of a certain visual at the end of the video. The juxtaposition of Mahiru forcing her ‘love’ onto him, and of suicidal ideation being the only way off this ride and his problems.

#milgram #mahiru shiina #analysis #long post #eating disorder tw #anorexia tw #bulimia tw #this is how to be in love with you #ai nan desu yo #I love you #daisuki #I DID THE THING and it's... long. and sad :(#this was a really interesting interpretation to write! it's certainly not bulletproof but I truly believe this guy had problems in life #and mahiru couldn't have changed that fact. did she help? not really! did things get bad bad? y. yeah. but! ...#...I have nothing uplifting to say here. her love was plentiful and well meaning but woefully misguided </3 #I genuinely care about this nameless character now... he looks so happy at the start embracing her and im certain in better--#--days between them they were having a great lovey dovey time!! ugH my heart it hurts.....#if there's typos it's because it's late and I'm tired LMAO

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sweetest-honeybee · 7 months

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Some people do kinda suck but I find a lot of joy in giving people really specifics compliments at my job and it makes their whole day sometimes c: 💛

#I had a very enthusiastic conversation about a lady’s hair and the way it was cut #she cut it herself!#I often like to tell some women that their purse is very nice and they’re usually very proud of their purses I’ve found #I will tell some people sometimes that the color of their shirt is so fitting for their skin tone and was a great choice that day #I expressed once to a customer that I loved the prints of his shirts and he came by one day in this one particular shirt #hoping I’d be there apparently because he wanted me to see the shirt because I love his style!#it’s so nice #I had a lady blushing once from head to toe because I said she looks like the perfect example of a woman #that face every artist draws for that reference #she was so beautiful #haha I like compliments on men’s facial hair too!#they’re proud of their facial hair a lot of the time #even soemthing as simple as they look amazing for their age which I’ve said many many times #like I said some people suck and I have yet to truly meet the bad eggs but man I just really like seeing them light up #when you compliment the littlest things they put hardly any effort into and think maybe nobody will even notice #I like pointing out those things

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nemo-of-house-hamartia · 6 months

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“Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there-on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot.

Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.

It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known.”

― Carl Sagan, Pale Blue Dot: A Vision of the Human Future in Space

#Carl Sagan #Pale Blue Dot #if only people were able to have a different perspective #if only for one moment they were able to leave the ego behind #and raise above themselves and truly see that in all this infinite universe #we are just tiny creatures of no consequences in the greate scheme of things #but that at the same time it's what we do with everyday that gives meaning to our own existence and makes us all all so incredibly precious #If you have never ready any book by Carl Sagan)#please do #I know that when I did it created a new humbling perspective for yours truly #I truly had an epiphany

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triple1st · 5 months

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forever thinking about how this is romana's last conversation with the doctor

#* ◦ ❝ « 𝘰𝘰𝘤 . the poster's crusade .#of course in the latter years of her presidency she stumbles upon prior incarnations & alternate doctors from other gallifreys #(though for some reason in dark eyes 1 the lord president is some random time lord & romana isn't mentioned)#it's a premonition of things to come & a testament to romana's will & the values the doctor taught her #that she would never allow herself to be corrupted - not even by pandora nor the power of gallifrey's highest office #she only tires of the possibility #of gallifrey itself #& grows as weary of the time lords as the doctor was & had every right to be #could've been some neat foreshadowing towards romana's darker nature manifesting in an incarnation born for war #but that never came to pass in the audios & very briefly in the EDAs (romana iii is in a total of 3 books)#romana ii harbors enough darkness herself i get chills thinking about her enacting vengeance on the daleks in gallifrey (audio drama) 6 #lalla ward is great in the role truly i understand keeping her for the time war audios it's amazing how her performance evolves #even in neverland/zagreus she is hardly a starry eyed pupil anymore she's grown into a fierce leader #with the weight of the universe on her shoulders #telling rassilon to buzz off as he asks her to abdicate so that he may take over what a queen #what isn't featured here is her complementing leela & telling this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship (gay)

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cf56 · 8 months

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I don't have anything big to offer on Animaniacs' 30th anniversary, but I don't think I need anything like that. I wanted to at least say something on the day itself.

Animaniacs has truly had an indescribable impact on me. All the connections I've made and the passion I've felt, my life would be completely different without it. I'd be a different person. I can't even begin to imagine where I'd be.

And to think that, if I had simply decided not to check out the reboot for this 90's show I'd never watched, I'd have missed out on all of it. Tiny moments and decisions in your life can completely change your trajectory. It's a good thing I'm a sucker for nostalgia that isn't even mine :)

It may just be a silly cartoon at the end of the day, but its impact on me is immeasurable. I truly love the characters- Yakko Wakko and Dot are just incredible on every level. Just seeing them (especially Wakko) opens a tunnel straight to my heart. I love the friends I've made and I love all of you. It's such a gift to be able to express my creativity, my silly thoughts, and have them actually be accepted and appreciated by others. I never have to wake up wondering if I've had an impact on the world or trying to find my place. I've found it. No matter what else goes on in my "real" life, I always have something driving me forward. I can't even begin to express how important that is.

I'm so glad Animaniacs exists. I'm so glad all of you are fans too. Whether it's here or elsewhere, keep creating and showing the world what you can do! The creativity you have inside you is so valuable. Everyone has so much to offer. You shouldn't ever doubt that.

#i wish i wasn't so dang busy so i had time to properly appreciate this milestone and everyone's outpouring of love :(#maybe i'll have something nice for the 50th anniversary :)#and i didn't even mention the impact it's had on culture as like an actual show #that's great too #it's truly legendary in every way #animaniacs #yakko wakko and dot #animaniacs anniversary #animaniacs 30th #cfposts

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starscelly · 9 months

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viimahockey: Kiitos Miro Heiskanen leiriläisille 🫶 Oli huikea viikko! 🤩

#thanks miro for the camp it was a great week. or smthn like that #couldnt think of a normal ass caption had to steal theirs ..... im dazed....#im being very cool abt all of this . i think #this is truly what u have to look like to have such a pretty girlfriend and boyfriend at the same time (who also share a girlfriend)#miro heiskanen #dallas stars #cel gifs

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hotwaterandmilk · 6 months

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Huge shoutout to the Paripi Koumei/Ya Boy Kongming! drama for giving me nothing but quality content of Eiko's two dads each week.

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carpedzem · 2 years

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I think one of the biggest trap you can fall into while lore discoursing is to trying to make your fav morally pure. being c!dream apologist for so long and saying that 'well yes i know he is an asshole' over and over made me own his crimes. yes he is an asshole. he is my asshole. i don't need him to be a good person or be always right for me to still call him my favourite character or finding him interesting or tragic. and boy oh boy do I wish we all were like that

c!dream is an asshole. he manipulates and torments and kills people, he is willing to sacrifice everything, others and himself for his goal of 'happiness'. he is also alone, traumatized after months of torture. it's not an excuse for his actions tho, but we know he does things for a reasons

c!george is an asshole. he threw a fit over the throne he didn't even wanted. he thinks that everything is a joke and that everything always should be easy and fun. he also couldn't bear what was going on around him, he prefers to sleep than to face a world where his friends are not friends anymore. we know he doesn't care about the throne and he still took the dethronement so personal. because he has his reasons

c!sapnap is an asshole. no matter the intention he lied about what c!tommy told him. moreover he believed c!tommy over c!dream. he wants c!dream dead, he believed c!dream had to stay in inhuman prison, still claiming to be his friend. but that doesn't change the fact that c!sapnap is one of the most tragic characters on the server. he lost everything - his home, his best friends, his fiances, his dad. he lied, no matter the intention, there is no excuse for that but there are reasons, valid reasons for him doing that because he is allowed to be hurt and he is allowed to be angry and he is allowed to wanting to protect c!george, even if in c!dream's eyes that's an asshole move (and if c!george knew, he might think the same)

none of them is morally pure, all of them did things that should be questioned but all those actions exist in the context of reasons behind actions. they are just humans and humans are flawed

#again no hate towards others i just kindly disagree #just let them be flawed man :(#i love them so much i truly do they re so messed up #c!dream critical #c!sapnap critical #c!george critical #<- great now i wont be able to see my own post >:(#also hi kole remember that one post where you were like 'im cgeorge apologist' like YEAH i had such a hard time coming up with his crimes #lmao #discourse #not really lmao just for a blocking purpose

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