#unless i feel like settling.

[naughtynoodle056]

Pls send help I feel so hollow and empty instead

#noodle talks #IDK if I'm crashing out or just depressed but ugh. #my chest physically aches over the dumbest shit rn #it's so weird when I feel this crippling notion that nothing will improve #i haven't really felt this way since like #my dad died and fresh off the breakup #I wish I could just like. #isolate from the whole world #i hate yearning for shit I can't have #unless i feel like settling. #i just feel so empty #I thought I'd feel better by now #i have ppl who care about me #loving family #a roof over my head that's not a nightmare zone #But the rot... it still persists. #ppl are always like 'u gotta love urself 1st before u love someone else' #ok ... how?? #at least a couple days to one week out of each month I feel like hell #be it physically or emotionally #I'd rather be in physical agony rn than emotional agony #you think anyone would care if I fell off the face of the earth for a while? #i don't really think so. #I'm not particularly cool or swag to be around #just some weirdo who's embarrassingly transparent and easily hurt i guess 😮‍💨 #here's to hoping the sound of the washing machine cycle Drowns out my sobs #if anyone asks I'll just say I'm sad over my dead dad #negative/ #easier to explain than 'i hate myself and i want to die' i think #vent

[zytes]

something’s wrong?

#heheh what a name for a town. borger. brother that is a samdwich!! #I could prob talk about what this means to me but I don’t wanna #actually nvm I just thought of a funny way to describe the feeling: #you have two wolves inside of you. one HATES everything it sees soooo much. the other only sees beauty. you’re jaded. #or something like that #I’m trying to be conscious about only bending man-made structures and objects #unless it just looks extra cool to bend the natural stuff too #not rly a critical commentary. the basic premise is to show you how fucked up these little towns are; #while also communicating how they’re typically found in naturally beautiful places. #weird right? like finding ruins. it’s like these places settled and then worldly-priorities changed and everything fell apart #but you can tell - usually - that somewhere in the history of these small towns someone said: #‘what a fucking sweet view. let’s make camp’ #my art #glitch art #aesthetic #art #artwork #webcore #glitchcore #internetcore #abstract #artists on tumblr #photography #abstract art #distortioncore #glitch #weird art #americana #southern gothic #angels

[mueritos]

an assortment of musings and scribbles...been listening to a lot of blood girl (the first drawing is based off blood girl lyrics), mormor, and moses sumney. been thinking and thinking and thinking....will be back to posting normie and sane shit soon 

(last pic is a baby picture of my twin @fatsmyname and i)

patreon

#muertodraws #digital art #trans art #queer art #introspective art #unless u guys like my introspective art #i feel its a tad different from what i usually do #the last one is me and my twin as babies #ive been going thru a lot to say the least #things have settled now but my brain has a chokehold on me unfortunately #and it will never stop analyzing the hierarchies and dynamics that have been launched at me #the burdens and the baggage of others to carry.... #thanks a lot im already a trans faggot raised by mexican immigrants now i have to shoulder how white people have hurt me #and i have to shoulder how their hurt will forever be examined by myself and never by the people who committed that harm #because they would absolutely destroy themselves before taking accountability #sigh #anyway #all of my friends are brown now and thank fuck #if ur interested in my art i have been posting more regularly on my patreon #been talking to more indigenous and brown people and i feel way more safer and understood by them #spending time with my boyfriend as well #im still in therapy....yea...

[bigkickguy]

yesod vergilius roland doodles to try and fight through art block most of these dont make sense but whatever works to get something on paper

#kickdraw #yesrolver #library of ruina spoilers #i feel like vergilius would like yesod cause he is efficient and blunt = easy to understand and work with #but also i think yesod will yell at anyone - so when he yells at verg and hits too close there would be problems #i think they'd be fine if they could get on the 'we all have the same dream' sort of page + respect each other #basically similar character development to yesod + roland in ruina #but i feel like if roland tried to yell at vergilius after the leviathan break up? verg would laser vision him #yesod is more like a fly annoying but harmless - so he doesn't get the laser vision unless he gets in the way of the mission #until yesod gets too personal with criticizing vergilius hating himself - then its back to laser vision #I should write out a chart for this once i settle on it and think it over more lol #its hard thinking of how they'd act its been so long since i last read through ruina and vergilius is a hard guy to read for me

[simonstamenovic]

like uh. i wanna ruin our friendship. we should be lovers instead.

#outgoing transmission #half of me (adolin time) agreeing w the 'kadolin better as friends' thing but only bc its like its so. uh. i actually #dont wanna ruin our friendship. haha unless? no but rly. also disagree heavily w those ppl and posit if sanderson were better #at writing interpersonal relationships itd b different but anyway #<- like half the ppl saying this shipping ka/moash bc of the tension. yeah um #sorry to say i think you just like stakes and not settled relationships and are yearning for a more emotionally centered writer. js. haha. #this got out of hand. ish. anyway. i want kaladin. that feels um weird to say. i want kal. i love and need kaladin like a sun. or whatever. #insert cue for maya to make fun of me. #^^ loving

[highlifeboat]

Melony is insecure transmasc or transman? You seem to be using those interchangeably :p

Transmasc.

I don't even know if transmasc would be right.

But I think her wanting to socially trasition to using male and female pronouns interchangeably still counts as transmasc.

Like, it isn't exactly what I'm going for, because Mel doesn't wanna physically transition, and doesn't really have the dysphoria or anything, so it kind of takes away that whole... aspect of what I want. But still leaves the worry of telling people.

So it's something, at least.

#i am grasping at straws for this #melony isn't a transman #but she does feel like male pronouns suit her as well #she just doesn't know how to tell people #asks #horror lady00 #i dunno #im trying to settle for something #unless I make like #madison trans #maybe I can do that I never use her anyway #give her a purpose

[dimitrscu]

i love pride month but at the same time it always makes me feel so bad about myself. just knowing that i’ll never be able to properly come out because my family will turn on me and because of that i will never be able to have a relationship just makes me feel really awful

#i mean there’s other reasons why i can’t get a relationship but that’s mainly because i have zero to offer someone #unless of course anyone wants a useless gf #but yeah the more time goes by the more i start to wonder if i should just settle for some guy instead #sure would make things easier #never mind that’s not what i want but when do we ever get what we want right #there’s a guy at work who’s been wanting to hang out for a while now #i’m not sure how i feel about him tbh but he seems nice enough #i’ve known him for a few months and he’s always been nice to me #idk what to do #when i get zero interest from women but then i get interest from men #fish fear me women don’t want me it seems #it’s 2:30 am and i feel really bad so pls just ignore this #i will delete and tomorrow will act like nothing happened #questioning my sexuality during the early hour of the morning is a dangerous thing to do

[anniesfarce]

so co-mod and i have played this game a few times with the cpds characters, "guess who but with vibes." (insp by this video) each of us will pick one character and ask the other yes/no questions about their "vibes" to determine via process of elimination which cpds character the other has picked!

we've played this a few times, but i thought i would share the first round we ever played, and maybe you can play along? (we played by having a full list of the characters up and striking them out as questions eliminated them.)

we originally played this going back and forth with questions, but for readability's sake, i've separated his character and mine, so you'll only see questions and responses about one character at a time. i've also edited this to fix typos as well as condensing and eliminating some of the chatty bits.

first character

L: would this person post minion memes unironically?

R: yes i think so

L: for reference, i took out 3. would your character, after walking into a door, deny it ever happened?

R: no

L: they wouldn't deny it?

R: yeah they wouldn't deny it, i don't think

L: ooh tricky. i took down two. i just feel like i'm making the wrong decisions here. would this person talk during a movie?

R: ahh i'm conflicted about this. i think yes.

L: two down

R: oh no that's seven down for you??

L: wait but if you were conflicted...

R: you're almost there??

L: i'm doubting my final two ngl but we'll see. we'll just have to see if i'll have to start over from scratch or something. in the video once both have guessed wrong, they reveal who and figure out where they went wrong. if you've picked jonathan i'm rebelling. would your character pick flowers from a neighbour's garden?

R: i think so. yes.

[L was ready to make a guess, but we decided that you can't ask a question and guess on the same turn.]

L: can i tell u my guess now

R: okay submit your guess :)

L: is it max

R: no :(

L: aw man. who was it?

R: mine was annie

L: aw MAN. i'm pretty sure it was the movie bit that did her in

R: oh yeah i was conflicted on that. but i felt like on balance she probably would talk during a movie. not in theatres though just like at home lol

L: oooh good point. i actually did start thinking jonathan might. i was like hm well i didn't think jonathan would but also he might...

R: hold on i want to know who did you eliminate for the minion memes one

L: ha ha um trevor robert and chris

R: you were very right ha ha

second character

L: ur turn

R: would they break into a petting zoo to pet the animals?

L: no i don't think so

R: conflicted because there are some people i'm borderline on if i should cross them off for that lol i'm just like i could see them doing this but i don't think they would just do it spontaneously on their own. unlike Certain Others. you're still ahead of me, i knocked off two. would this person ride a bike to work? regularly, i mean.

L: no. i think literally the only person this would eliminate is jonathan (jokes)

R: lol well i've eliminated two so i guess our feelings differ. i hope the person i eliminated was not the person you are thinking of! maybe this is a bad question but it's all i could think of: would this person smoke?

L: hmm no

R: was sort of hoping you'd say yes :/

L: sorry

R: i still have a whole three people left in the mix ha ha would your person enjoy a jane austen novel?

L: yes

R: i have it like 75/25 rn

L: okay u can ask me another question or just guess, whatever's fine with u ha ha

R: okay... is it sandra

L: yes

R: YES

L: gg

R: gg!!!! that was hard!

L: was it jane austen that tipped ya off?

R: of course it was, i was trying to eliminate robert tbh

L: ha ha i'm surprised robert stayed in for so long

R: and annie has not struck me as a jane austen enjoyer, but i thought Maybe

#goes wrong show #the goes wrong show #mischief theatre #original #always feel weird maintagging my posts so i've settled on i will use those three tags only #unless a post is specifically about like ppgw or something #anyway lmk if you like this and i can post some other rounds we played #i can also change the formatting if it's not good #i think i have six more?

[scarletspider2the2ndpower]

“Shed - Part Two: The Death of Curt Connors,” Amazing Spider-Man (Vol. 1/1963), #631.

Writer: Zeb Wells; Pencilers: Emma Rios and Chris Bachalo; Inkers: Emma Rios, Tim Townsend, Jaime Mendoza, and Chris Bachalo; Colorist: Antonia Fabela; Letterer: Joe Caramagna

#Marvel #Marvel comics #Marvel 616 #Amazing Spider-Man #Amazing Spider-Man vol. 1 #Amazing Spider-Man 1963 #Kaine #Kaine Parker #several points that I find of interest here #firstly: Kaine increasingly elusive precognitive abilities #I feel that those have been gradually phased out for being both debilitating and over-powered (unless there’s an explicitly stated point #where he lost that I can’t recall at the moment) #but I always found them interesting as yet another point where technically Kaine’s powers extends beyond Peter’s but typically #they’re more of a curse than a gift #furthermore I guess I’m just…really touched by the fact that Kaine considers a transient camp (what most would consider as the definition #of “homelessness”) “home” #and feels a degree of kinship with the people he met there #I guess it lines up with Kaine’s tendency to fly less-than-legitimately under the radar and the fact that it’s not like he has #a legit social security number #but it’s just the concept of Kaine settling in at a transient camp and thinking “yeah this is Home” for me

[lemonyinks]

hm. i dont think i like r.e.b.e.l.s v2.

does it matter if i just...dont read it? will i miss anything important?

#r.e.b.e.l.s #like what do you mean vril abandoned stealth and lyrl? when he was the one primarily taking care of the baby? #stealth wanted nothing to do with lyrl after everything! its more likely that SHE would have abandoned them! #what happened to stay at home dad botanist vril #i thought that was a nice end for him #he expressed a disinterest in regaining any power at the end of r.e.b.e.l.s #and i was under the impression that the only reason he went after brainiac in the showcase was because #that was his abusive dad and his whole thing was that he wanted to take him down #he wanted to settle down #that feels like a 180 imo #unless i just missed something at the end of r.e.b.e.l.s or in the showcase #which is likely #in which case i am all ears #otherwise it just felt like a bad continuation that should have stayed in the drafts

[coldvampire]

ngl. unconsciously disengaging from this website has been hdjfkg kinda good for my mental health overall? like yes im still dhdjfjf left out of a lot of stuff BUT i see it less so that means my feelings don’t get as hurt lmao. functionally that’s more or less the same thing probably?

going recluse isn’t what i ever want to do (& I didn’t even do it on purpose, just got busy and had a low social battery because of it) but aside from me being overall comfortable by myself, it just kind of seems like it’s where people are content to leave me. doesn’t feel great but it is what it is.

#not rly on discord servers for the same reason tbh #got tired of trying to interject my awkward attempts at participation #I mean people can still @ me but i just don’t have it in me for the server stuff #my social perception is low enough that I can’t tell what the right move is but high enough I know when I fucked up #idk if I’m just not built for larger groups or if it’s something else :( #wish I knew so I could work around it but it’s not exactly a perfect experiment #so w/e. I do kind of miss it a bit but I also feel like my absence doesn’t make a difference #which is a sad thought in itself but that’s how it goes #idk I think in general I’m in a weird spot where I make an impression but it’s never a vital one to the dynamic ? #I do sometimes doubt like. what I bring to interactions in general lately #doesn’t feel like much if I’m being honest. I mean I think I’m at least moderately interesting but djfjf who knows #weirdly settled with myself as a person but I’m thinking that cost is probably an isolating one #knowing a lot of people just never breaking past that surface level #sucks. not much else to describe it as. #idk I’m sure this is bad for me but I think I’ve kind of already messed up first impressions #it’s so stupid but I keep encountering the same dynamic of either we Click fairly quickly or we just don’t really at all #and I feel like that’s wrong of me bc I know some people need time but unless that initial click happens I just seem to falter?? #idk idk idk I guess lately it’s like I feel alone/lonely but I don’t feel like I’m wanting to return to anything #bc I never felt like I really had a place there to start with #weird feeling. very weird feeling. #logging back off now dhjfkf

[novelconcepts]

Honestly if Paper Girls did rotoscope animation similarly to the show Undone (also on prime and also a fantastic show) I would have been in heaven. It would have cost a fortune and would have taken much longer to make, but the visual style would have been more suitable for the kind of small town paranormal vibe, the vivid color scheme of the comics could have been kept without seeming too sanitised, and the special effects would have blended in smoothly and looked so good. I'm kinda sad now.

I think the "cost a fortune" bit is probably what stopped that road being an option. This is a story led by four 12-year-old girls, and realistically, I'm not sure Prime would have been willing to trust that would do well enough to merit the money. Which sucks! Royally. This show deserves the world. It's built on the expectations (real and imagined) of preteen girls and the fury that fuels them, it's got Black, Chinese-American, Jewish lesbian, and low-class queer stories at the forefront, it has a ton of women behind the scenes--it's coming-of-age and dark and silly and so much fun. It deserves that weight thrown behind it. But, as we've been seeing lately...stories with women, especially WOC and queer women, are, um. Not being considered financially valid. Which is why I'm so worried about this show getting another season, even in the form we got. It still can't be cheap to make, and I'm super stressed about its chances.

#ask #paper girls #paper girls spoilers #i've felt really helpless about shows lately and never so much as right now #amazing stories like this deserve money and more than that they deserve TIME #a first season--unless it's a standalone show like the haunting anthology--is never going to reach the potential it deserves #and the idea that streamers are thinking solely with their pocketbooks and just destroying any chance of a realized story #especially with stories this big and glorious and queer and interesting #is...hideously unjust. and it makes me furious #i'm so glad they took ANY route with this show. ANY chance on this story. it doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful #i was stunned to see that trailer at all and even though it'll never look exactly like the comic #i really really want it to have a chance to grow into its own thing #i also want to stress: I LIKE this show. i love it. i love what they did and how these girls are handling it #i don’t feel in the least like I’ve settled for something #i just have two little boxes in my head now and both are marked with a heart in different ways

[itspileofgoodthings]

the hanging on for 10 more minutes past the point it all seems hopeless advice …

#i think part of the reason is because you’re always suffering long before you know you are #so when things get really bad that’s when you start to notice #and that can often mean things are about to turn for the better #but of course things are big and complex and are going to take a minute to settle #hence the 10 minutes #anyway obviously this doesn’t apply to all circumstances unilaterally #it’s just one of the marks of reality I am discovering #and I really do think it has something to do with things finally making it to the surface. Forcing their attention on you #or even just coming to a head. getting so bad something has to break/give/snap out of necessity #and it’s weird because that snap/breaking point can feel like the devastating beginning of a new time #but it’s often the ending of one you’ve only just recognized #of that stage I mean. of course the suffering continues more or less pretty evenly across human existence #but there are breaks and there are chapters #and there are pauses. And it’s just interesting to me #That that ten minute window of endurance is often just that period right before sunrise that DOES follow the darkest night #it never goes right from darkness to light in a snap. there has to be a pause. A stillness #a chance for something to be heard in the silence #anyway I am rambling #midnights mayhem with Maria #Just kidding ….. unless?

[orangerosebush]

Within the context of predominantly being friends with other queer people at uni IRL, it's always funny when I'm talking with one of my straight friends about childhood crushes, and they have a moment where like, lesbianism cultural desirability is unable to be parsed. "Gays thought Miss Trunchbull from the Matilda movie was hot??" yes :)!

#I actually love having these conversations because I think the fact there's space within queer dating circles for broader ideas of what is #desirable can be really affecting to straight people who struggle with the fact that mainstream desirability for heterosexuals creates a #feeling of being alienated from their own appearances. Like I do not shave my legs and for past flames that wasn't something to 'settle wit #with' -- it's actually something that was attractive to them as fellow lesbians! #And when I talk to my straight female friends about that dating history I have and they talk about feeling like unless they perform very sp #specific behaviors in service of beauty standards they will essentially be 'exiled' from the possibility of heterosexual dating? #IDK it feels like this moment where we all are able to talk about being desired as we are rather than being desired as who we are not

[frozenhi-chews]

#my mom's words about my art is getting to me #she said it a while ago but since then its been I've internalized it #needing almost every drawing to be BIG and GRAND and improve my abilities in one way to another #and it's starting to get to me because i cant let myself create a small simple and silly doodle #it sucks #i just wanna have fun and not treat my art like a homework assignment #the art classes were great. sure. but i dont want to JUST have art classes #let me draw in ways i WANT #i can feel the heavier burn-out settling in #its why its so hard to make new artwork unless its something that's huge #im so tired #i just wanna draw #🥞 cake art #vent

[iced-souls]

Perchance if there are any of you wish to see updates on animation/storyboard stuff would you like that?

#god I wish i could make these polls specific times #i dont want it a week but i feel a day is a little early. #unless this is only an app thing… #imma check tha now actuallly #but anyhow- #just wondering and asking in order to calm my brain down and let it settle down and stop being anxious about it— #have a good day #random stuff— #I’m actually starting another animation thing as well #but they’re just short ones not long ones like the ones I’ve been working on for a while now. #anywhizzle #ciao for now