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deadbiwrites · 4 years

Note

a video of supergirl grabbing lena luthor's ass starts circulating and it's very embarrassing for sc but extremely funny to their friends

(I am SO sorry. Where do these hide? Why do I never see them? How long has this been here?!

Anyways, have some cute nonsense!)

The day starts like any other, honestly.

Like, sure, Kara’s never thrilled when she wakes up 20 minutes late and has to use superspeed to get through her morning routine and into the office on time, but it happens regularly enough that she’s just sort of used to it by now. Like, the sky is blue, the grass is green, she manages time poorly. Whatever.

But she does get to work on time, with just enough to spare that she can make a brief detour to Nia’s desk for the coffee her protege has already bought for her, thank her profusely (with perhaps minor promising of firstborn children), and slip into the morning meeting just as Snapper, James, and Lena start handing out assignments for the day.

“Well, well, good of you to join us, Ponytail. Let me guess, a family emergency kept you out all night again?”

‘I mean, that Abraxian wasn’t my family, technically, but someone’s family, so…’ “Something like that. Sorry.”

Lena catches her eye and quirks a brow in question, but Kara just shrugs easily and sips her coffee, pulling a silly face at her friend when Snapper’s attention moves away from her. When her eyes uncross, she can tell Lena is fighting not to laugh, eyes sparking with mirth as she bites her lip. Kara takes another sip of coffee, feeling a bit smug that she can get Lena to smile without even having to say anything to her. That’s real talent, right there.

Especially since Lena has to stand up at the front with James, who has been by turns cold, dejected, and surly toward her since their breakup (a big, real, final one) a few weeks prior. Lena had said that the whole thing was a mistake, that she should’ve never gone for it in the first place because she’d been right the first time- they’d had some chemistry, after all, but it certainly wasn’t compatible long-term.

Which… Kara can certainly relate. Like, a lot.

Especially about the whole… James being kind of wounded about it part. That part had really sucked- when he’d done it with Kara, who he’d gone on like, a date with, it’d resulted in him deciding to become a vigilante. Rao only knows what he’ll do when it’s someone he dated on and off for over a year...

“Ponytail!”

Kara jumps, realizing too late that her wandering attention hasn’t gone unnoticed. “Yes, sir?”

Snapper rolls his eyes. “Great, now that you’ve stopped orbiting Saturn, you wanna go get that article started?”

Kara’s eyes widen slightly in a panic as she realizes that she has no idea what he’s talking about. “Uh…” Behind his back, Lena catches her eye and nods subtly. Thank Rao. “Yes. I super do.”

Lena snorts, James sighs deeply, and the meeting is adjourned.

“So what exactly am I supposed to be doing today?” Kara asks Lena as they stroll out of the conference room together.

“Well unfortunately for you, you have to interview a big-time CEO. You have a meeting scheduled with her in three hours.”

“You?” Kara asks hopefully.

“You’re very sweet,” Lena chuckles. “No, Elena Watts. She’s a real estate developer, and she runs a nonprofit organization for homeless youth. It’s one of the articles we’re doing for next month’s spread. Contrary to popular belief, Cat and I weren’t the only women with high-profile jobs in this city. ”

“Oh, that’s pretty cool! Have you met her?”

“Not personally, no, but I have donated to her charity- it’s a very good cause, especially the outreach they do with queer youth.”

Kara elbows Lena gently. “You’re such a softie.”

“Mmm, maybe. But if you tell anyone, you’re fired.”

Kara clutches a hand to her chest, feigning horror. “Why Miss Luthor, what a blatant abuse of power!”

Lena shrugs. “I’m a Luthor, darling, I have to keep up appearances somehow.”

“Ouch,” Kara laughs. “See you at lunch?”

“Only if lunch includes a milkshake- I have a teleconference with both boards today. Unless you feel like joining me?”

“Wow, well as fun as that sounds, I’m gonna go do literally anything else.” Her comms crackle to life, alerting her of a hostage situation downtown, and Kara sighs. So much for a work day. “Alright, well, I’m, um, gonna go… see what I can find on Elena Watts. Maybe over another cup of coffee at Noonan’s.” She widens her eyes a bit, trying her best to convey that she’s going to be on Super-duty for a little while.

Thankfully, Lena picks up on it and grins. “You just want sticky buns.”

“Lena, I always want sticky buns. They’re like, my second favorite thing to eat.”

“Oh? What’s the first?” Lena asks, voice just a bit lower than usual.

Kara opens her mouth and closes it, flushing slightly as she averts her gaze and adjusts the laptop bag on her shoulder. Stuff like that has been happening more and more, and she’s not 100% sure what to do about it. Because on the one hand, it makes her stomach do flips and tie up in knots and makes her brain do this… staticky thing where nothing filters in or out, just a pleasant buzz of how funny and smart Lena is and how much Kara likes hanging out with her and being flirted with (because that’s definitely what’s been happening, even if neither of them is really ready to address it) and just generally looking at Lena.... who is currently biting her lip and grinning up at Kara, and that buzz makes her kinda dumb, which is just really unhelpful. But on the other hand, it’s also kinda awesome and Kara really enjoys it, and-

“Kara?”

She spaced out again. Crap.

“Um. What time are you free for lunch?”

Lena sighs, seeming slightly disappointed that Kara isn’t flirting back at the moment (and thank Rao Lena can’t read minds), but she smiles back easily enough as they step off of the elevator. “I should be done by two.”

Feeling emboldened, Kara turns so she’s walking backwards in front of Lena and grins. “It’s a date,” she says with a grin, ducking forward to press a quick “friendly” kiss high on Lena’s cheek. She whirls and jogs out the double doors, leaving Lena smiling exasperatedly after her.

It is genuinely baffling to Kara that people still commit crimes in National City. It’s not even an ego thing, really, since Kara tries to keep herself humble (even when she manages to wrap up a hostage situation within twenty seconds of arriving on-scene without injuring any of the criminals or damaging the building too badly). Like, yeah, she gets that there’s a certain element of crazies who just sorta gravitate to places with a local hero, the big-bads who have their own suits and geek-toys and abilities. Them, Kara gets. Kinda sorta. But the regular ones, who are armed with like, pistols? Or knives? Just regular man made stuff without even the benefit of magic or kryptonite or something?

Why?

She’s sure that if she asked, Lena would have some sort of statistical thing about large cities and poverty and all sorts of other factors that would end up making Kara feel like a jerk for being uncharitable to the criminal element of her city, but at the moment she’s mostly too annoyed by the fact that she has to spend her weekdays chasing them around instead of chasing stories.

Once all the hostages are freed and the cops secure the scene, Kara departs, flying into the alley behind Noonan’s and changing into her regular clothes before she heads inside to do a bit of research before her meeting with Elena Watts in a few hours (just because she’d used it as a cover doesn’t mean it was a bad idea…). She finds her favorite little two-person booth tucked into a quiet corner, plugs in her laptop, and gets to work, asking the waitress to please keep both the coffee and the sticky buns coming.

She gets a surprising amount done by the time she needs to leave for the interview, having a good foundation for what she wants to write and who Elena Watts is.

Ms. Watts turns out to be a pretty nice lady around Eliza’s age, if a bit busy and distracted by the steady flow of people in and out of her office. She answers all Kara’s questions with aplomb, happy to elaborate on most every point and eager to draw attention to the rising issue of homelessness among children and teens in the US.

“When I was young, my dad lost his job at the auto plant. It was supposed to be a temporary layoff, but the factory never reopened. We ended up losing the house, and we lived so far from our extended family that staying with them wasn’t much of an option. We lived in our SUV for six months, sleeping at shelters every now and again, if we could find one that allowed families to stay together. We showered at the local YMCA. Five people and a dog, living and sleeping in an old station wagon- even now, it sounds ridiculous. Eventually, we got back on our feet, but I never forgot that. It was just six months, but it was- and remains- the scariest, most uncertain time in my entire life, and it shaped me in a lot of ways I didn’t expect. And there are kids and families who do that for years. I just want to help them the way I wish that someone had been able to help us.”

At the end of the interview, Kara thanks her profusely for her time and for sharing her story before hurrying off to CatCo to type up a draft for Snapper (“What’s wrong with you, Ponytail, why is everything you bring me sappy and sentimental?”), which she finishes an outline of just in time to send it off before running to Big Belly and L-Corp for lunch with Lena.

She greets the newest in a series of secretaries (Anna? Amy? Ava? Lena’s really missing Jess, these days, but from what she’s told Kara, Jess is kicking butt in her new role as VP of Operations and will probably take over for the COO when he retires in a few years), and the girl waves her in distractedly.

And that’s when Kara’s day goes from normal to not, because inside the office are two masked men holding a stone-faced Lena at gunpoint on her balcony and demanding… something, probably. Kara’s a bit distracted by the loaded gun aimed at Lena’s head.

“Hey!” she yells, attracting both their attention. They whirl on her and Lena’s eyes widen in alarm, and Kara suddenly realizes three things- 1) she’s in her Kara Danvers clothes, not the supersuit, 2) she can’t speed into the suit now that they’re both looking at her, and 3) she has no plan.

Crap.

“Who the hell are you?!” one of them demands.

Kara… doesn’t have a good or snappy answer for that, and instead does the only thing she can think of- she throws the large milkshakes she’s carrying at them as hard as she can.

Which, in retrospect, is too hard, apparently because while yes, it is both funny and gratifying to see two grown men get absolutely leveled by a tasty dairy treat to the face, the one closest to Lena manages to elbow her in such a way that she falls backwards over the rail with an instinctual scream that makes Kara’s heart fly into her throat. She whips off her glasses, and by the time she’s out the window and speeding toward Lena’s flailing form, the suit is materialized. She gets under Lena, catching her carefully and dropping a bit further before slowing down (because she’s been made aware that when she doesn’t, the people she’s saving may as well be hitting the pavement), finally coasting to a stop about 20 feet from the ground.

Lena’s face is screwed up in a forced sort of focus, her hands clutching tightly at Kara’s shoulders and cape as she holds her breath.

“Are you okay?” Kara asks quietly.

Lena swallows thickly and nods, eyes still firmly closed. “I’m alright. Thank you- I’ll admit, I wasn’t quite sure how to get out of that one.”

“What was that? What did they want?”

Lena cracks an eye open. “Oh. you know, just my quarterly assassination attempt. I think my mother was starting to miss me, so she wanted to reach out.”

Kara snorts. “That really shouldn’t be funny.”

“Maybe not, but here we are.” Lena shifts a bit in Kara’s arms, cheeks a bit flushed from the adrenaline rush, and clears her throat. “Not to be rude, Supergirl, but do you think that perhaps we could continue this conversation… on the ground?”

“Oh. Oh! Yeah, sorry. I forgot we were, uh, flying.”

Lena chuckles as they ascend slowly back up to her office. “You forgot you were flying?”

Kara shrugs with an easy smile. “I guess you have that effect on me.”

Lena huffs a laugh against Kara’s neck, eyes squeezed shut again. They alight on the balcony, finding the two men still unconscious, covered in Kara and Lena’s lunch. Lena sighs as Kara sets her down, pinching the bridge of her nose. “What a mess.”

“Yeah, sorry, I sorta… panicked.”

“I was so looking forward to a milkshake too…” Lena laments playfully.

“Well, then I have good news and bad news,” Kara says. She reaches out and gently wipes a bit of her own chocolate shake from Lena’s cheek with the pad of her thumb, tucking it into her mouth on instinct to get a taste of it. “The good news is, you do, in fact, have some shake on you!”

“Whats the bad news?”

“Also that you have some shake on you.” Kara laughs, gathering the two men in her arms and hefting them a bit so they’re easier to carry. “I’ll get you another one. Be right back.”

She drops the men at the police station with a brief explanation before flying back into the office. Lena hands over her discarded glasses with a wry grin.

“I figured you’d need these before the police arrive.” She’s putting on a brave front, but she’s clearly still more than a bit rattled, if her too-bright eyes and thundering heartbeat are anything to go by. Kara steps closer and opens her arms in invitation, and Lena doesn’t hesitate to step into them. “Thank you,” Lena says fervently, tucking her face into Kara’s shoulder and wrapping her arms tight around Kara’s waist.

“Always,” Kara promises, daring to press a reassuring kiss to Lena’s temple (and getting a bit of Lena’s strawberry shake for her troubles) before wrapping her up even tighter in her arms. “Are you actually okay?”

“I mean, my fear of heights has been reaffirmed,” Lena jokes, “but aside from that, I’m not hurt.”

“Good. I don’t like, love people pointing guns at you. Just so you know.”

“I’m not a fan either, for the record,” Lena drawls, burrowing even closer. “Even though I know you’ll save me, it still puts a damper on my day.”

Kara huffs a laugh. “Same.”

They stay like that for a few minutes, until Lena’s calmed down enough to stop shaking and calls her assistant (Audra, apparently) in, telling her what’d happened and that the police would be arriving shortly to take her and Kara’s statements, and please advise the security team to let them up discreetly. After the cops arrive, it’s a blur of questions, and Kara has to concentrate on telling the story of how she’d panicked and thrown the milkshakes at the men, and one of them had knocked Lena over the balcony (all true), and Kara had yelled for Supergirl, who had knocked the men out on her way to Lena (also technically mostly true. Technically. Mostly.). The police are sure to tell Kara that next time, she shouldn’t throw things at people with guns, and also to tell them both how lucky they are that Supergirl had shown up when she did.

“She’s always there when I need her,” Lena agrees, throwing a sly wink over the officer’s shoulder at Kara.

Kara just shakes her head and smiles. Even almost dying isn’t enough to make Lena not flirt with her. The woman is truly a marvel.

Kara’s comms crackle again, accompanied by Alex’s custom ringtone on her cell, and after assuring the police that she has no issue with giving another statement if they need her to later, hurries over to the DEO (making a quick stop in the back alley to change into her suit).

When Kara arrives, she’s told that J’onn and Alex are waiting for her in the Directors’ offices. She makes her way there, waving to the agents and scientists she knows. But it’s very weird, because every time one of them sees her, they start giggling before quickly hurrying off in the opposite direction. Like, literally everyone is whispering and pointing and giggling, and it’s giving Kara such visceral flashbacks to high school that it’s all she can do to not check her cape for a taped on sign that says ‘Kick me’ or ‘Freak’.

(Kids are mean.)

By the time Kara gets to her destination, she’s fully paranoid, sure that someone’s playing a prank on her, somehow, and that everyone but her is in on the joke. She opens the door with more force than intended and catches it just before the handle puts a hole in the wall, throwing Alex and J’onn a sheepish smile. She closes the door extra gently and leans against it heavily. J’onn and Alex just stare at her, looking thoroughly unimpressed.

“Busy day, Supergirl?” Alex asks, and after half a lifetime of spending time with her, Kara recognizes that she, too, is trying not to laugh.

Kara’s had enough. “Okay, do I have something on my face? Or on the suit? Is someone messing with me?”

J’onn’s brow furrows. “No.”

“Then what’s the deal? Why is the entire DEO like… laughing at me? Did someone accidentally vent the lab fumes out into the main hub again?”

“No.”

“Did someone see me crash into that billboard last week?”

J’onn’s frown deepens. “What?”

“No,” Alex answers.

“Then why is everyone laughing at me?!”

“I mean, if I had to guess, I’d say it’s because of that,” Alex muses, nodding toward the big TV on the wall beside Kara.

She steps back to watch the news coverage of her dealing with the hostage situation this morning and frowns. “What, those guys? That was routine, what’s so funny about tha-”

“No, no, not that. That,” Alex clarifies, cranking up the volume.

“...reports are saying that the CEO of L-Corp, Lena Luthor, experienced an attempt on her life early this afternoon. Sources claim that she fell from a considerable height-”

“Hey, she was pushed,” Kara corrects.

“Shh!”

“...caught by Supergirl, who may have gotten a little… familiar with her.”

And there’s a video (clearly recorded on a cell phone but not the worst quality Kara’s ever seen) of Kara catching Lena and slowing to a stop above the sidewalk, of them talking quietly, of Kara’s hand definitely on Lena’s-

“Oh. Oh no.”

“Oh yes,” Alex drawls, clicking the TV off with relish, a large, evil-big-sister grin spreading across her face. “Congratulations, Supergirl- the world just watched you grope Lena Luthor’s ass.”

“But I’m not- I wasn’t groping, I was catching! My hands weren’t… If it was groping, I’d be all up on her, and I wasn’t!”

“Camera begs to differ. It’s already trending on Twitter in National CIty.”

Kara puts her head in her hands and groans. “Why?! I was trying to save her!”

“You were definitely trying to save part of her,” Alex agrees. “Granted, it’s a very nice part...”

Kara’s head pops up, and she shoots Alex a look that’s between a pout and a glare. “You’re not helping.”

Alex feigns confusion. “Am I supposed to be helping?”

“Alright, enough,” J’onn cuts in before Kara can retort. “We just wanted you to be aware. I don’t think that this is going to be taken for anything more than it is- a humorous moment in the middle of a successful rescue. You shouldn’t worry about the press.”

And truth be told, Kara isn't worried about the press- she’s worried about the fact that she’s going to have to face Lena after this. Lena, who she knows for a fact has google alerts set for herself, Kara Danvers, and Supergirl, a gesture which is normally actually sweet and kind but is right now definitely gonna bite her in the-

“Okay! So, is that all?”

Alex blinks, looks over at J’onn, and shrugs. “I mean, yeah. Try not to make a habit of groping your crush when you’re in the suit.”

“I wasn’t groping her-”

Alex grins. “So you admit you have a crush? Interesting…”

“Alex!”

J’onn’s prediction is mostly right- no one seems to be taking the shots of her grabbi- saving Lena as anything other than a funny blip of a moment in their coverage of it.

He was wrong about the sheer scale. The clip had gone totally viral in a matter of hours, and seemingly every major network in the country has run the clip at least once as a bit of filler-fluff, and almost every major network anchor (including the ones at CatCo, the traitors) has made at least a passing joke about Supergirl being ‘Super-Handsy'.

Which means that Kara is very late getting back to Lena’s office with replacement food. But like, she’s been busy, okay? It’s not like she’s avoiding Lena, or something, because she’s embarrassed- which she isn’t, because she didn’t do anything bad or wrong and-

Anyways, it’s well past sunset by the time Kara gets to Lena’s office door again. She hesitates outside it for just a moment before shouldering the door open and knocking tentatively.

Lena’s attention jerks from whatever she’d been absorbed in to Kara, and a relieved smile blooms across her face. “Hey there.”

Kara finds herself equally relieved to not experience a repeat performance of earlier scary situations. “Hi,” Kara says, unable to resist smiling back. She raises the bags and cup carrier. “I bring grease and milkshakes. Again.”

“Oh thank god, I’m starving,” Lena says, rolling her chair away from her desk and rising into a deep and probably much-needed stretch. Kara very determinedly does not stare at the slight sliver of soft tummy that appears between her blouse and skirt at the motion. “I’ve been staring at this screen for several hours. And Sam called to yell at me- she says hello, by the way- she and Ruby are in town next weekend.”

“Good!” Kara crosses the room to the couch as Lena does, easily spreading out the veritable buffet of fast food she’d brought over the coffee table. “I mean, not good that she yelled at you, or that you’re still at work, Miss Luthor,” she says pointedly, receiving only an unapologetic shrug in response. “But good that, um-”

“I get it,” Lena chuckles, resting a hand lightly on Kara’s knee and boy, if that doesn’t make Kara’s brain go fuzzy and dumb again… “Thank you, for checking in.”

“Of course I was gonna check on you, Lena,” Kara huffs. “Plus, I know you probably didn’t get lunch, so…”

Lena hums around a mouthful of burger, chewing until she can politely speak again. “Well it’s delicious. Did you make it yourself?” she teases with a sly grin.

“Oh, yeah, totally. Slaved away over a hot stove for this- I just wrapped it in Big Belly wrappers so you wouldn’t feel bad about it.”

“Very clever.” Lena pops the lid off of her milkshake and drags a fry through it (an advanced culinary delicacy Kara had horrified her with initially but had eventually become a bit of a guilty pleasure). “Although I have to say, traditionally you’d have to buy me dinner before you grabbed my ass.”

Kara chokes on a pickle. “Oh no,” she groans, dropping the burger onto the wrapper on the table and dropping her very red face into her hands as Lena laughs beside her. She peers out from between her fingers. “I am so sorry, I was just worried about you hitting the pavement and like, catching you in the least jarring way and I wasn’t paying attention to where my hands were and I didn’t even notice until I got back to the DEO and-”

“Well I have so say, I feel a bit offended that you didn’t even realize you were copping a feel...” When the only response is another groan and a deep flush spreading from Kara’s neck to the tips of her ears, Lena relents. “Kara, Kara, it’s fine!” she laughs, pulling Kara’s hands away from her face and giving them a grounding squeeze. “Nia’s been sending me memes about it all day, which has improved my mood significantly. On the grand scale of fallout from assassination attempts, this one was at least funny.”

“I know that’s supposed to be comforting, but all it makes me wanna do is wrap you in bubble wrap forever,” Kara informs her.

“Pass on that. But seriously, don’t worry about it- I know it wasn’t on purpose- unfortunately for me, you’re too noble to do something like that,” Lena laments playfully.

And whether it’s the knowledge that Lena is not, in fact, upset, the overall weirdness that has been this day, or this delicious burger fueling it, Kara feels a bit emboldened. “Hey Lena…”

“Yes?”

“What if I wanted to grab your butt? Just, y’know, as a hypothetical. For future reference.”

Lena quirks a brow at her, fighting a smile as she contemplates this. “Hmm. Strictly hypothetically?”

Kara scoots a bit closer on the couch. “Sure.”

“Well, you’ve already bought me dinner…”

“And lunch, technically. Even if I gave it to the bad guys.”

“True. Plus you saved my life, so that gets you some points, probably.”

Kara pauses in her sly scooching. “Oh, hey, wait, no, that’s not-”

“Kidding, Kara. I know you’d never use that to your advantage. I, however, have determined that strong moral fibre and nobility do, in fact, earn you more points, which is my choice on the matter and you get absolutely no say in it.”

“Oh. Um, alright, I think.”

Lena stares off into the middle distance, tapping her forefinger thoughtfully against her chin. Finally she shrugs. “Yes, I think you’re fulfilled the prerequisites for a bit of grab-ass today.”

Kara snorts, Lena laughs, and soon enough Kara takes her up on the offer.

“Hey Kara, remember that time you grabbed Lena’s ass and it made international news?” Nia asks around a mouthful of mushu pork.

“You mean last week? Yes, I remember,” Kara drawls. Beside her/halfway sitting on her lap, Lena snorts.

“That was the best.”

Alex glares. “Um, excuse you, no. No it was not. I had to sift through so much thirsting over my sister on like, every social media platform. It was the worst day of my life.”

Brainy’s brow furrows. “Surely that cannot be correct, Alex. Statistically speaking-”

Alex holds up a hand, cutting him off. “Trauma can’t be measured, Brainy.”

Kelly chuckles and presses a consoling kiss to Alex’s cheek, and it makes the tough agent melt into a doe-eyed puddle of mush that Kara snorts. And she says they’re gross... Kara sneaks a glance at Lena from the corner of her eye, and she catches Lena looking at her. She leans close and jostles her gently as she drops her head onto Lena’ shoulder. “We’re never gonna live that down, are we?”

“Probably not.”

“We have the worst friends.” When this elicits nothing but a chuckle, Kara tips her head back to see Lena still looking at her, a soft smile playing at her mouth and shining in her eyes. And like, this whole thing they’re doing is new, with the kissing and the actual dates and the... everything else. But the thing where Kara catches Lena looking at her and she doesn’t look away? That freakin’ knocks her out, every single time. “Hey,” she manages.

Lena grins down at her. “Hi.”

So yeah. Maybe the initial circumstances weren’t ideal, and she doesn’t love the mockery that’s been heaped upon her by all of her friends and loved ones (including Winn, who’d sent a missive from the future that literally just said ‘LOL’). But the fact is, Kara muses as she surges up just enough to kiss the corner of Lena’s mouth, that she doesn’t regret a thing.

#supercorp #prompts!#asks open #ask response #supergirl fanfic #kara x lena #humor #idiots #international news about idiots #kara danvers #lena luthor #i'm also deeply sorry that this is so long on mobile #i swear there's a read more that's supposed to be there #but alas

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mvttsvn · 3 years

Text

Useless [pt1]

Modern college!au

toxic Eren x gn!reader

warnings: angst, explicit themes, dubcon, embarrassment, manipulation, degradation, OOC, cussing, and typos

authors note: this has been sittin in my drafts for months I just haven’t had the motivation to finish. there will be a part 2 with smut I just wanted to get this out first.

part 2

Eren liked to think he was a pretty simple guy. He’d meet someone, use them for his benefit, lead them on till he didn’t need them anymore, then disappear. A sick trick that he used to manipulate all kinds of people. Life really can be easy with the right looks and a smooth voice. He and only ever got what he needed. He understands how selfish it is. But gotten him this far, so what would be the point in changing.

Unfortunately, you had been one of the unlucky few to get caught up in his schemes. Let’s be honest it wasn’t a surprise, you knew of him before. A few of your friends pinned over him for being the cute nicotine-addicted guy who couldn’t care less about World Literature 1-2. But you believed each and everyone of of his sweet little promises. “No you’re so special, I think I’m gonna keep you around for a long time sweetheart.” Deception dripping from his lips as he gave you a sinful grin.

You should’ve known...

It’s been a few months now since Eren blocked and deleted your number for his phone, the last time you spoke was when he texted you to thank you for helping him pass his English final. You replied with asking if he wanted to get lunch the following day only to be left with your text never going through. That motherfucker. Of course you were angry, mostly at yourself though. You tried not to sulk about it yet every time you’d go out you’d dress up a little then you would usually just in case you’d see him. And luckily he wasn’t in any of your classes this semester either so it would be easier to forget him.

At this point you haven’t thought of Eren in weeks, you’ve focused yourself in uni and started taking assignments and things more seriously. That was until one of Eren’s roommates unknowingly took a seat next to you in your intro to ethics course.

You’ve been to Eren’s apartment a multitude of times. You knew who his roommates were, even after having a few conversations in the late morning with them after you would spend the night. Armin, who was too engrossed from whatever was on his phone plopped his books right next to you and took a seat not sparing you a glance. Once you professor started speaking he locked his phone slipping it into his pocket and glance around the room. Once he looked at you his blue eye widened and he sorta whispered “oh hey! y/n didn’t know you were in here”

You shrugged and gave a polite smile while turning back to look at the front of the room to stare through one of the windows above the projector screen. It’s not like you hated Armin, he was very kind and never judged you when you’d take the walk of shame in the morning through Eren’s kitchen, it’s just you know that this interaction would eventually lead back to him and that made you nervous.

A week or two passed and Armin continued to sit next you, you supposed it was more comfortable for him because it didn’t look like he knew anyone else in this class, neither did you. Nor were you complaining he’d give you notes and lend you his book when you would forget. Not much conversation would happen between you either, a simple hello and other small talk would occur nothing more. A very professional relationship.

Yet when your professor assigned a partner projects you and Armin both looked at each other like :| and silently agreed to work together. It was just easier that way. The assignment wasn’t due for another 2 weeks so you had confidence that you wouldn’t have to grind at the end of the this week to do it. Until Armin caught your arm as you were leaving.

“Hey sorry to ask but would it be ok if we could work on this after school? I have a lot of stuff due this week and I’m in a bit of a time crunch.” He shyly laughed hoping you weren’t busy.

You held in a sigh “Uhh sure, can I meet you at 5 tho..I have a thing-”.

“Yeah! That’d be fine, my place?”

You kinda really didn’t want to go to his place, “yea!”

You both continued listening to your teacher’s lecture while your mind was elsewhere, you didn’t have anything after school you just wanted to go home for a bit and prepare for who you may or may not see at Eren’s Armins apartment. By the end of the day you raced home, flopping onto your bed, this was a bad idea, why didn’t you just ask for him to meet at the library or something?? This situation could’ve been a whole lot simpler if you just offered your place instead. Hell you don’t have any unconventional roommates you sleep with him so it’s just unfair. At 4:45 you gather your things and drove over to Armin’s apartment. You knocked on the door, your nerves going haywire.

You’re greeted by Armin he smiled and opened the door for you letting you walk inside. You took a glance to the side and luckily Eren’s familiar beat up tennis shoes weren’t by the door. At least you could relax for a little while, hopefully he wouldn’t come home till you were gone.

Jean was sitting on the couch watching some action movie at a low volume with Connie who was fast asleep curled up with a throw pillow. The lights in the living room were dim with the curtains on the windows shut. Yet you could still see from the light in the kitchen that shone from above the counter. Jean gave you a nod, “welcome back” he half whispered as he tipped his drink at you. You smiled and waved and made your way into Armin’s room. You sat at the edge of his desk in a borrowed kitchen chair, as he joined you sitting in his computer chair in front of his desktop. He left his door slightly ajar letting you see right through into the kitchen and front door, which made you slightly on edge. Armin started going over the project, opening a document, and reading through a few paragraphs. You tried your best you to concentrate but you were too paranoid. Every so often a loud noise from Jean’s movie on the tv would make you whip your head towards the door. About an hour in you and Armin had crunched through about a few paragraphs and of your project, to Armin’s mistake you guys definitely weren’t going to finish tonight. Hopefully the next time you’d offer your place instead.

After another 30 minutes you and Armin gave up, eventually you guys made your way back into the living room. You went to the door to gather your things until Jean and Connie basically begged you to stay and watch another movie with them. You didn’t want to, you knew if you stayed any longer the possibility of Eren coming home would increase. But when Connie got up from the couch and handed you a drink, you gave in. As you sat down you began slightly regretting your decision. Why were you staying? You and Armin were finished you can go home.

You asked yourself this when you heard keys jangle outside the door and the click of the lock. It’s roughly pushed open and Eren moves into the room, swiftly locking it behind him. “Hey man” Jean calls, you immediately tense next to Armin and fix a stare at the tv. You’re too aware of your surroundings right now to know what happening but you need a distraction. You can see his movement in your peripheral, Eren saunters in to the dark living room to stand by the opposite of the end of the couch from you. when he spots you, you can feel his blazing stare in your skull, he laughs out a scoff and the room goes silent, except for the low murmur of the tv.

The air is tense and awkward and everybody can see your apprehension. your heart it beating in your ears and you can feel you palms starting to sweat. The sounds of the tv are immediately drowned out when Eren breathes our your name. “What the hell are you doing here?” He grips the arm of the couch and places his left hand on his hip. You slowly turn your head to look him in the eyes when Armin speaks up trying to lighten the situation “We had a project for sadis’ class”

Your eyes dart between Eren and Armin when Eren snides, “hmm...well it doesn’t look like your working on it”

“hey layoff man” Jean gives him a side eye. “Yeah we finished just a few minutes ago.” Armin adds.

“It was just a question” Eren shrugs. You can believe him, he such a fucking asshole, you’re staring at him in disbelief when he meets your eyes again he laughs “what did you miss me or somethin?” His grin is sickening, you feel the embarrassment hot on your face yet what can you do in the situation? If you leave you’ll destroy your pride and yet if you stay what if you give in to him again?

Your frozen in your seat you nails digging shapes into you palms as you clench them together. You feel the stare of everyone one in the room and it makes you want to cry. He tilts his head “can’t you speak? what wrong?” the malice in his voice makes your ears burn. You want to scream, you want to run, but he slowly walks right in front of you and holds out his hand. “C’mon”

You can leave at any moment, the door is only a few feet away yet you cautiously place your palm into his as he hauls you up from your seat. No one says anything as you guys leave the room, what a complicated situation this is huh?

As he opens his door you try to glace back at the others yet he roughly pulls your arm though and slams his bedroom door. You hope they don’t blame you too much for going with him. You stand in the middle of a very familiar room, one you’ve visited many times yet you’re too scared too move from the spot you currently occupy. He turns to face you locking the door behind him and takes a few steps forward. You look at the floor as you begin speaking “Eren I-”

“ohhhh so you can talk?”

“yes’ you puff.

He fits his hand under your chin proceeding to squish your cheeks to face him. “I don’t like you hanging out with them when I’m not around” his hot breath fan your face and you widen your eyes. The audacity. “What do you mean, were not even together anymo-” you voice smothered by his grip.

He tips his head back and see concern in his eyes, its almost like he was hurt by your words, “Yes we are” his eyebrows scrunched together. You go to spit out another sentence when his hand moves to cover you entire mouth, he brings face to your ear, “You wound me y/n, how could you think that? I thought you loved me?” Why does he sounds so genuine? Your mind is fuzzy with confusion, of course he’s lying, you would never in a million years utter those words to him during the short time you were together. Yet the pain in his voice and the grip on your jaw is making you dizzy, his hot breath on your ear and neck are causing goosebumps to raise on your skin.

Your smaller hand goes to grip his forearm that's holding your face. He moved to look into your eyes. The dim light from the lamp in the far corner of the room casts a shadow upon his face, yet his deep green eyes seem to glow. He slowly moves his hand away placing it on your shoulder as his free hand moves to your hip. You want to yell at him, ask his why he’s doing this to you, but you place your palm softly onto his chest and drop your head in shame, “I’m sorry..i..I didn’t know” you whispered.

His warm hand goes to caress your cheek and moves into your hair lightly pulling to make you face him. “It’s ok babe, you just have to make it up to me” his chest rumbles underneath your hands as you eye widen. “You can do that, right?” You slowly nod your head and bunch his t-shirt under your fingers. He places a soft kiss on your forehead and lead you towards his bed in the corner of the room. He takes a seat on his dark blue comforter and your stand in front of him. Your hands lightly holding onto his index fingers as he carefully rocks them back and forth. You take another look at his face and see the artificial softness slowly fade away into something dark, and conspiring.

“On your knees babe” his voice sounding rougher than before. You begin another protest but he takes his warm palms and encircles your waist to urge you down. You slowly fall to your knees, your hands on his thighs while digging your nails into his rough jeans. Your mind slowly starts to unfog and start realizing what your doing. Your shame and regret tug at your heart and you feel the tears begin to prick your eyes. You look up at Eren and see the distain in his eyes. He hums and caresses you shoulder. You wept into your chest as you feel the air being stolen from your lungs Eren moves his calloused hand to your throat and tugs to make you look him in the eyes.

Why did you have to be so damn proud?

#eren angst #eren jeager #eren yeager #aot eren #eren imagines #eren x y/n #eren x you #eren x reader #eren jeager x reader #eren jeager x y/n #eren jeager x you #eren fic.📗#useless series.mvt

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missmentelle · 4 years

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COVID-19, Inequality, and You

This pandemic has been a bad time in a lot of ways, but one of the most devastating impacts we’re going to see besides the death toll is the economic impact - the economic impact on real, working people, not on stock index numbers. Unemployment rates are skyrocketing, and people are being thrown into financial chaos as a result.

But for all the talk we’ve heard during this pandemic of “we’re all in this together”, and “we’re all in the same boat”, it’s important to remember that, financially, we’re really, really not. Job losses, evictions and health crises are not equally distributed; if anything, this pandemic has been a stark reminder of inequality as the wealth gap grows wider and wider.

My own life has been a weird cross-section of the ways that the pandemic has economically affected different people in very different ways - my mother has completely lost her job at a seasonal tourist restaurant that will likely go out of business, my brother’s hours at his campus security job have been cut as the school moves online, my boyfriend is seeing his savings rise as he goes out less but makes exactly the same salary at his financial tech job, and I’ve fielded multiple job offers through this pandemic as government grants for social services boom in my region in anticipation of a coming homelessness crisis.

The news has been reporting on unemployment numbers and shuttered businesses, but there hasn’t been a lot of in-depth coverage about the ways that this is really going to affect people’s lives. There will be a lot of unexpected consequences to this pandemic if governments don’t step in to provide relief, including:

‘Eviction freezes’ are throwing tenants into debt without protecting their housing. Many places have put moratoriums on evictions during the pandemic, which is great. You don’t want a sudden surge in mass homelessness during a pandemic. But “no evictions” does not mean “no rent” - people who are currently being protected from eviction are still being charged rent, and their arrears are growing every month. As soon as eviction protections expire - which is set to happen very soon in many places - landlords can move forward with evicting tenants, going after their back rent, sending their debt to collection agencies and destroying their credit scores.

A lot of people are about to lose most of their possessions. If you get evicted, your parents or friend might have room for you to move in with them for a while. They probably do not have room for your couch, dresser, bed, table, desk, bookshelves, TV and an entire apartment full of stuff. Putting your things in storage is an option, but you need to be able to pack and transport all of your things to the storage unit and pay for the unit every month. You could try selling the stuff you can’t take with you, but it may be difficult with so many other people also struggling financially, and you may have to leave on short notice. A lot of people who get evicted will end up abandoning a lot of their stuff, which they’ll have to re-purchase all over again to get back on their feet.

People with low wages are disproportionately likely to lose their jobs. If you work as a software engineer, you’re probably still employed. If you work as a hotel maid, there’s a good chance you’ve lost your job or had your hours cut to nearly nothing. The jobs that are most impacted by shutdowns are jobs in the service and hospitality industry, and they tend to be low-wage, hourly jobs that cannot be done from home - bartenders, servers, hotel clerks, and dishwashers are way more likely to have lost their jobs than lawyers, accountants, engineers and college professors. In many ways, the people who are getting kicked the hardest right now are the ones who could least afford it.

Not every university will survive this pandemic. With a lot of universities and colleges scrambling to figure out whether to have in-person fall semesters, the future of a lot of post-secondary institutions looks bleak. Many students are choosing to take a year off or defer their admission rather than deal with online courses that have been haphazardly thrown together. On top of that, it’s not clear if international students will be able to attend university abroad this year, or if they even want to take the risk. This adds up to a whole lot of lost tuition money, leaving some universities with no way to keep operating - at least one American university has already permanently closed its doors because of the pandemic. The big players - Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Columbia - will probably pull through, but smaller colleges are at serious risk of going under, leaving their students in limbo and at risk of not finishing their disrupted degrees.

A lot of people are about to go from “poor” to “disabled”. The people most likely to contract coronavirus are the workers who have to interact with the public every day - not only nurses and doctors, but grocery store workers, delivery people, ride-sharing and taxi drivers, transit workers and janitorial staff. Those who survive are at risk of life-long complications of coronavirus, including permanently reduced lung capacity - that’s not great when you need to work a physically demanding job. A lot of people are about to find themselves in a situation where they are no longer able to do their jobs due to a virus that they contracted because of their jobs.

Many women’s careers may never recover from this. Daycares and schools are closed, and women are bearing the brunt of it. In a world where women still tend to earn less than male partners, it’s women’s careers that have taken a backseat when things get rough. Even when both partners are working from home, women are the ones overwhelmingly taking on most of the domestic and child-rearing chores, which hurts their work performance and leaves them more vulnerable to layoffs. And that’s a relatively privileged position to be in - without childcare services available, many working moms and single moms have had to quit their jobs, whether they could afford it or not, because they have no other options for their children. This kind of career disruption is something that these women may never totally recover from, especially as they try to re-enter an increasingly hostile job market.

Black and brown people are the most affected by rising unemployment. People of colour - especially immigrants and women of colour - are facing higher rates of unemployment than other groups. Hispanic and Latina women are in particularly dire circumstances, which is alarming, as they are also the most likely to be dealing with an uncertain immigration status. People of colour - particularly women - are disproportionately likely to work in industries that have been impacted by the pandemic, like the hospitality, food service, retail, child care, beauty and personal care industries, and they face systemic racism that makes it difficult for them to advocate for safe working conditions or access adequate medical care.

College and tourist towns are at risk of complete economic meltdown. A lot of towns or small cities depend on their local university or annual tourism to survive. A huge crowd of strangers flocks to their town for a few months per year and gives local businesses the money they need to pay for necessities year-round. My hometown is one of these places - most businesses are only open from May - September, and they make enough money during that time for everyone to scrape by for the rest of the year. Those tourists aren’t coming this year, which is something that locals have only learned as they begin to run out of last year’s money. You don’t need to work for a university or a hotel to be impacted by school and tourism shutdowns - the ripple effects will be felt by entire communities.

Escaping domestic violence will be difficult even after lockdown ends. It’s not exactly a secret that domestic violence has skyrocketed since the global pandemic began, a fact that many experts attribute to the fact that everyone is trapped indoors together and under a lot of stress. But even as lockdown regulations start to lift in areas that handled the pandemic responsibly, victims of domestic violence will face higher-than-usual barriers to escape - many victims may have lost their jobs and burned through their savings, and may have difficulty finding a new job that can finance their escape. Victims with health issues may also be wary about going to shelters for fear they will be further exposed to the virus.

Poor children will fall even further behind their upper-middle-class peers. I come from a part of rural eastern Canada where reliable internet access is simply not available. So for young children in the region, school effectively ended in March - they do not have the resources needed to connect to online learning. And children from rural areas aren’t the only ones missing out - more than half of all students in the United States aren’t accessing their online classes regularly, and marginalized kids are especially likely to be absent. Poor kids are staring down the barrel of an enormous education gap; they are less likely to have a stable internet connection and a device for their online learning, they are less likely to have books at home, and their parents are more likely to be essential workers who still have to go to work right now and don’t have time to teach them. Middle-class and wealthy families can afford laptops, educational software, tutors, books and time at home to educate their children - when schools are eventually back in session, the gaps between children from different socioeconomic backgrounds will probably be the widest they’ve ever been.

Don’t get me wrong - I am not arguing that we should end lockdowns prematurely to ease the economic impact. Public health measures exist for good reason, and I don’t think any of us want to even imagine, much less live through, the personal, physical and economic devastation of letting a pandemic rage out of control and melt down our healthcare systems. Despite what many people seem to believe, managing a global pandemic is not about “health vs. economy” - letting the virus rage out of control and kill millions would devastate every economic and social system we have. The preservation of human life has to come first.

What we need instead is comprehensive action to recognize and address the issues that come with long-term quarantines and economic shutdown - we need rent relief, social safety nets and basic assured income programs to get our most vulnerable friends and neighbors through this pandemic. The world will probably never return to the “normal” that we knew before the pandemic struck, and it shouldn’t - it’s time for a new, better normal that doesn’t leave our most marginalized people behind.

#missmentelle #askmissmentelle #coronavirus #COVID-19 #pandemic #social justice #social work

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softboywriting · 4 years

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Back To You (WIP)

Summary: After six years away you’ve returned to your hometown to be reunited with Shawn, the man you loved and left behind. Much has changed, including Shawn having a son, but your love for him has not. You’ll have to navigate falling in love all over again, rouge werewolves, and being a parent to the child you never thought you’d have. [werewolf story]

Word Count: 14k

|Masterlist of Stories in Bio|

The wind whips around him as he steps through the freshly fallen snow. He's been here before. Both in his real life and in dreams. He knows how this will end. The Wolveswood calls to him like it had the first time he came here. Soon he will round the corner and find the small white pup buried in the snow at the foot of the giant oak.

But this time is different. He rounds the corner and catches the scent of something familiar. Someone. His footsteps quicken, the feeling of finding someone so familiar but foreign. As he approaches the base of the tree there is not a small pup but a woman. As he drops to his knees to uncover the body it stirs, familiar eyes meeting his. The eyes of a woman he hasn't seen in six years grip his heart and make him feel as if he's suffocating.

Shawn sits upright in his bed and looks around his bedroom. His alarm is set for four in the morning and it's a quarter till. There was no going back to sleep now.

___________________

You find yourself in the kitchen of the house you grew up in. The cabinets are painted with sunflowers and daisies they way they had always been. Something is cooking on the stove but you can't smell it. Small hands grip your pants and you look down to see a little boy trying to get your attention.

“Momma. Momma.”

You pick up the child and hold him on your hip. He's adorable, dark hair and dark eyes. From behind you a door opens and you look back. There's a man walking toward you, a smile on his face. He's familiar but you can't quite sort out why. He kisses the boy's head and then yours. The moment his lips meet your temple you know who it is and your heart soars. Shawn. You've missed him.

You wake up, eyes blinking out the sleep as your bedroom comes into focus. What a strange dream. You can only assume being back in town is what has triggered it. You can't help but wonder if Shawn is actually still around.

____________________

Moving back to Brighton was not something you expected to do any time soon, but after losing your apartment due to a rent increase and losing your job due to layoffs, moving back home seemed pretty good. You parents moved away recently and left the house to you and your brother. Jeremy had no interest in moving back to Brighton, he was getting married soon, halfway across the country too.

Driving into town brings a sense of nostalgia, a taste of home. You grew up here, born and raised in the little brick house on the corner of 12th and Main Street. The tiny garden your mom put in when you were ten still grows ever vibrant under the front windows. The old oak stands tall and proud in the front yard, the swing your dad put up when you and Jeremy were toddlers is still there as well. It felt amazing to have a sense of belonging again. The city was great but it wasn't home. Never was.

You drive down Main St and notice a lot of the shops are closed up or are new businesses all together. The grocery store is still open as well as the thrift shop and the printing place. The drug store and sports shop are still there too. The old liquor store has closed up and you are glad for it. Two years ago Brighton became a dry town, no alcohol sales allowed in the town limits. It wasn't a surprise, most of the werewolf townships were going dry. Liquor lead to reckless wolves and no one needed that in this day and age. Werewolves had enough trouble with humans already. While most humans didn't mind them, there were plenty who did. A few rotten apples can sour a bunch.

The old cafe is gone but over head is a sign that reads Full Moon Brew. A small coffee place no doubt. Curiosity gets the best of you and you pull over into a parking spot along the street. The wind whips your oversized sweater around you as you head into the shop, hair a mess from the weather.

The place is warm, both visually and physically. Old wood floors and rust orange tablecloths really set the mood. Little art pieces made of tea cups and spoons hang over head on the high ceilings. They're delightful, beautiful little mobiles. There is a small line of three people as you approach the counter. Somewhere nearby you hear a child squealing, but you don't see it.

The line moves up and you see a familiar face behind the counter. Those dark chocolate curls are as unmistakable as the laugh that comes out of him. Shawn. Gods you cannot believe he's still in town and after the dream you had this morning you can't believe you're actually seeing him. It makes your heart giddy with each step you take. Never did you think he would be in your life again. His voice, heavens and earth, his voice is still just as enticing as it was when you were a teenager.

“Next,” Shawn says cooly as the man in front of you steps forward. “What can I get for you today?”

Your pulse goes wild, the thought of facing him again after six years is sending you into a fit. He's the one man you always wanted, and leaving Brighton was a mistake. Never returning before now was a mistake. Gods knew you were in love with him when you left and they know you still are now. There was no denying it. Man alive you were going to have a conniption fit right here in this line.

“Ne-” Shawn's voice falls away, a cup tumbles to the floor behind the counter and you look up from where the man in front of you has moved. His legs replaced with the dark wood of the order counter. “Hey, I thought I recognized that perfume.”

“Hey.” You lift your eyes fully, forcing them to meet Shawn's. “Long time no see yeah?”

“Yeah.” He grins. His smile put the sun to shame. Bright, gorgeous and his teeth so perfectly straight. Those fangs a bit too large to be human, but that's because he wasn't. “You look good...I can't believe you're here.”

“Same actually.”

“What can I get you? I mean, you came for coffee right? Or did you come for me? I mean that would be weird?”

You chuckle nervously as you step forward and lay your hand on the counter top. “Can I get a-”

A toddler comes into view screaming from behind him. “Daddy! Daddy! I made drink!” The small boy brandishes a tall paper cup with a mysterious substance sloshing out of it.

Your heart stops. The boy from the dream. He has the same dark hair and dark eyes. This was too weird. “Daddy?” you whisper and Shawn looks at you.

He tears his eyes away from yours and looks to the boy. “This is my son.” He kneels down and takes a sip of whatever is in that cup. Brave man. “It's great bud! Go share with Ms. Lettie?”

“Okay!”

Shawn stands up and runs his hand over his hair. “I'm so sorry. He usually doesn't run in here like that. What can I get you?”

“I...I'm just going to have a mocha.”

“It's a long story.” He says as he rings you up. You didn't ask. You didn't need to. “I can explain later but I understand if you don't want to know its-”

You're not as shocked that he has a son as you are that your dream was happening before your very eyes. You aren't sure what to say. How do you explain a dream like that to someone you haven't talked to in years? The only thing you can manage to say is far from what you mean to but it comes out nonetheless. “Did you really drink that?”

“What?”

“The cup he had. Did you actually drink it?”

Shawn chuckles. “Yeah it's just water and apple juice. He mixes his sippy cups into a paper cup. It's fine.”

“Oh.” You laugh softly and hand over a ten dollar bill for your order. “And I'd love to talk later if you're free.”

“I'll leave my number on the receipt then.”

_____________________

The moment you step outside the wind picks up again and you cling to the warm cup in your hands. It's mid November but you can swear you see snow flurries whipping by in the gusts. You turn your back to the wind and walk toward your car. It's so cold you wish you'd grabbed a jacket this morning.

“Hey! Wait!”

You turn and Shawn is walking toward you. “What? Did I leave something?”

“Yeah.” He hands you your receipt with his number on it. “I forgot to give you this.”

“Oh! Right.” You smile down at the crumpled piece of thin paper. “I guess I would have known where to find you though.”

Shawn smiles. “Meet me at the Wolveswood around five?

“Won't your wife wonder where you're at?”

“Wife?

“Yeah...or girlfriend. The boy's mom?”

Shawn shakes his head. “No it's just me. I'll explain later. Five o'clock?”

“Yes. I'll be there.”

____________________

It's just before sunset as you stroll into the Wolveswood. The white trees and dark pines create a stunning and magical aura about the place and that's because in a way it was. Every werewolf township had a Wolveswood. There was something about the trees that grew in them that provided a perfect place for the wolves to be themselves unguarded and uninhibited.

You loved coming here as a kid, though your parents strongly advised against it. Being a human in a town of wolves you had to take precautions. Now that you're older you understand that it was only because the Wolveswood was a place for the residents to run free and you were not a wolf. Though the only times you entered was with Shawn and he would never let anything happen to you.

You head toward the massive oak that sits in the middle of the woods. It's a sprawling work of nature and is the most sacred tree in the Wolveswood. You have countless memories of this place. Most of which involved Shawn and the two of you hanging out after school. A stick breaks behind you and you see Shawn heading towards you in a dark navy sweater. The little boy from the shop is by his side, running ahead to jump on the sticks and snap them.

“You came,” Shawn smiles as he stops before you. “I was worried you might be weirded out by my son.”

“No not at all. I'm curious more than anything.”

Shawn leads you to the trunk of the tree and sits on one of it's massive exposed roots curving up out of the ground. “Well. It all started right here.”

“Like...”

“I found him here, lying abandoned in the snow two years ago almost. He didn't shift into a human for weeks. I had to fight the council to keep him.” Shawn chuckles and watches the boy chase a cardinal nearby. “I didn't know his name, I didn't even know if he knew his name. He didn't speak much, not even babble when he shifted.”

“Wow, he was just left out here?”

“Yeah. We tried everything to find out who his parents were but we can only assume it was a wandering pack or maybe some loners or something. Why they left him behind I can't fathom.”

“What's his name?”

“Myles, but he answers to Pup usually.”

You lower yourself onto the cold dirt and wave at Myles. “Hey pup, hello.”

Myles ducks behind Shawn and hides with his back to the root that Shawn's sitting on. You lean over to try and see him but he must be really curled into the trunk.

“He’s shy.” Shawn reaches back and rubs Myles’ hair. “I want to enroll him in preschool soon but I can't afford anywhere around here and the closest public place is two towns over.”

“What about the library?”

“Expensive. It's a private program.”

“But I'm starting work there next week. I can take him. Employees get free child care. No one is going to ask if he's mine if I bring in his documents.”

Shawn's face lights up. “You would do that? I mean you don't have to. I'll sort something out.” He shakes his head. “No I can't have you do that. I'll just home school him.”

You stand and lay your hand on Shawn's shoulder and he covers it with his own. “You’d do the same for me.”

“Of course I would.” He chuckles. “You know, I missed you. I missed my best friend. Why did we ever split up?”

“I missed you too Shawn, and we split because I wanted to see the world. But the world ended up being an apartment in the city and two part time jobs to get myself through community college. It wasn't worth it.”

“We all make mistakes.” He stands and his hand finds yours. “It's how we learn from them is what matters.”

“What did I learn?”

“That the grass isn't greener on the other side. Now, can I take you to dinner?”

“I'd love to go.”

Myles comes out from behind the root and grabs Shawn's free hand. “I'm hungry too dad.”

Shawn grabs him and hauls him up on his shoulders. “Wanna get a grilled cheese, bud?”

“Yeah!”

____________________

Dinner goes well. You and Shawn catch up on the last six years and discuss how things have been aside from the obvious. It feels like you never left. Being with Shawn feels as natural as if you had just been gone for a few days and came back home. Myles keeps to himself, eyeing you from time to time. He's adorable, all big eyes and big teeth as he puts away a grilled cheese and two plates of sweet potato fries. He could be Shawn's son, if he hadn't told you the truth you would have guessed he was his biologically.

“You're not a wolf.”

You and Shawn halt mid conversation to look at the boy who is leaning with his chin on his arms, staring at you. “What's that bud?”

Myles is silent.

“Pup, it's okay if she's not a wolf.” Shawn rubs his back and he sighs heavily.

“Smells funny.”

“Myles James please don't say that to people.” Shawn looks to you. “You don't smell funny. You smell amazing and I love your perfume.”

“He hasn't been around a lot of humans has he?” You ask, smiling at the two of them. This was amusing.

“No. Mostly the work clientele are wolves from town. You probably smell strange to him because you were in the city for so long. There's a difference between here and there.”

“I smell like city pollution?”

“No, no oh my god. Well maybe? I don't know. A few days in town and you'll be right as rain. I think it's time to head home. Someone needs to go to bed soon.”

____________________

The next few days you stop by the coffee shop and chat with Shawn a while before work. He's so cute when he's got his sleeves rolled up, whip cream smeared across his cheek and hair curly and a mess from the steam of the espresso machines. On the fourth day you come in, Myles is standing at the end of the counter waiting for you.

“Good morning pup,” you smile and wave at him. “How are you today?”

“Can I see your teeth?”

“My teeth?” You glance up at Shawn and he just sighs. “What for?”

“Because.” He bares his little teeth at you and you raise your eyebrows.

“Pup. Leave her alone.” Shawn sighs heavily as he makes your usual mocha with extra cream.

You grin big and show the small boy your teeth. He just squints and then nods. “Do I have teeth?” You ask with a giggle.

“Yes. Good.” And with that Myles just turns and goes back to his play area at the corner of the shop.

You stand up and Shawn passes you your drink. “I'm sorry. He had a nightmare last night and I guess all his teeth fell out. He asked me about mine this morning but he's always asking weird stuff so I didn't think about it.”

“I don't mind. He's curious. I'm just happy he talked to me.” You look over at the play area and Myles is coloring something on a little table.

Shawn smiles big and shakes his head. “He's something. Hey, do you want to go out tonight? My mom is available to babysit if you want.”

“Sure. I'd love some one on one time with you.”

“It's a date then. I'll pick you up at six?”

“I'll be there.”

____________________

A date with Shawn is just what you need. The two of you walking hand in hand through the park is just like old times. You don't feel so stressed like you had in the city. It's wonderful.

“So, a coffee shop huh?” You ask, breaking a silence that was comfortable but getting to be too much.

“Yeah. It's a funny story. Lettie needed help for the summer after you left. I wasn't going to stay for long, hell, I wanted to get out of here too. Everything reminded me of you.” Shawn swings your joined hands. “I found that I really enjoyed making drinks and creating things. I also discovered I loved cooking too. Lettie taught me everything. One summer turned into a year and then another year. Pretty soon I was running the place and Lettie retired.”

“But Lettie is still there?”

“She comes in now and again and she'll pick up a shift or two sometimes. It's just hard on her to work forty plus hours anymore.”

You stop and the two of you sit on a bench. “Why did you adopt Myles? You said you fought for him. Why?”

“Something inside me knew he was meant to be mine.” He looks down and fidgets his hands in his lap. “The way he looked at me, he reminded me of you. I can't explain it honestly, but there was something in that kid that was so very like you. I loved him the second I lifted his tiny form out of the snow.”

“You never thought you'd see me again did you?”

Shawn looks over and there's tears in his eyes and his lip trembles as he speaks. “No. No I didn't.”

You feel your chest cease up and tears blur your vision. You reach for Shawn's hand. “I'm so sorry.”

Shawn squeezes your hand tightly. “I figured six years was a sure thing. You were never coming back. Then you walk in the shop out of nowhere, and it was the most incredible moment when I saw you. I went home that night after our dinner and I had to make sure I was actually awake.”

“I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have ever left. I know you said I was your mate and-”

“You are. You still are.”

“And I didn't understand that then. I didn't really grasp what it meant. I thought it meant I'd be trapped here forever. But I think I do understand now. I think. I have an idea anyway.”

Shawn brings your hand up to kiss it and then leans over, cupping your cheek to kiss your lips softly. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

_____________________

Friday morning you walk into the coffee shop and it's a little early, Shawn must have just unlocked the door when he got in because the closed sign is still up and the lights are still off. There's a radio blaring from behind the counter and you can hear someone shouting along in the backroom.

Sure enough Shawn appears, backing through the swinging door with an arm full of a sack of beans to be roasted. He's shouting at the top of his lungs.

“Marry me Juliet you'll never have to be alone! I love you and that's all I really know!”

You grin as you approach the counter and watch him sing and dance along to the song. The two of you listened to that one all the time in highschool. He had even requested it at prom for you.

“Good morning.” You say softly and Shawn jumps, turning and flushing bright pink.

“Hey...you didn't see that did you?”

“Oh I got the whole performance. You're quite good, even for yelling the lyrics.”

“I couldn't help myself. It was our song. Remember?”

You laugh and walk around behind the counter to meet him. “Of course I remember. How could I ever forget?” You put yours arms around his middle and hug him. “I still listen to it sometimes too.”

Shawn holds you close and rests his chin on your head. “Are you still planning on taking Myles today?”

“Mmhmm. He's registered for the kids care, all I gotta do is bring him in.”

“Dad! Dad! I need juice!”

“Speaking of which, there he is.”

Myles comes wandering through the back room door. He holds his cup up and Shawn goes for the fridge to get a carton of juice for him.

“Are you excited for daycare today bud?” You ask as you squat down to his height. “You get to play with other little wolves. Does that sound fun?”

“Can I color?”

“Yep. And you get lunch, and music time and story time.”

“Dad?”

Shawn turns and looks down at his son. “Yes pup?”

“Can I go?”

“Yep. That's the plan.”

Myles takes his cup from Shawn and chews on the spout. “Okay. We can go now.”

“I'll lock up real quick. I want to take him in on his first day.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I should go with. He might have a hard time."

____________________

Daycare goes off without a hitch. Myles was shy at first but he opened up quickly. As soon as he realized he got to do all his favorite things with other little kids, it was like something switched on inside of him. That social pack mentality kicked in and he was ready to go.

For the first few days you went and checked on him every couple hours. There is a door with a half window that you could go and peek through to see the care room. He looked so happy, so energetic.

Until. The incident. One week into kids care and you're called away from the story time event in the library. Lena brings you to the little time out room, an old office, in the back of the daycare.

"Myles, do you wanna tell her what happened?" Lena, his co-teacher says as she closes the door.

"No."

"Should I tell her?"

Myles curls up where he's sitting on the pillow in the corner. "No!"

"Lena, let me talk to him." You say softly and Lena steps out. You're nervous. Myles isn't actually your kid, you have no place reprimanding him for whatever happened. "Pup?"

"No. Nononono."

You take a seat beside him and lean against the wall. "What happened? I thought you were having a good day? Sha- Dad made you pancakes and everything this morning."

"I bit Jacob." He whispers, sniffling and looking over at you. "We were playing!"

"Oh," you try not to chuckle. You thought this would be much more serious. "Did you say sorry?"

"Yeah."

"Why are you upset?"

Myles huffs. "Because I didn't want to tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because then Dad will make me come home."

You reach over and rub up and down his back. "I don't think Dad will make you come home for biting. You said you were playing?"

"Uh huh."

"And you got carried away and you said sorry?"

"Uh huh."

You run your hand over his hair and he falls sideways on his pillow. "No more biting okay?"

"Mmhmm." He sniffs. "Promise Dad won't make me stay home?"

"I promise. Let's get you back out there okay?"

"Okay."

_____________________

A few days after the biting incident Shawn decides to take Myles out into the wood for a run. It'll be his first one and he thinks maybe he's ready. If he's play fighting at school he's most likely ready to go out. Shawn invites you along and the three of you head for the Wolveswood.

"Are you excited pup?" You ask of the boy on your shoulders. "You and Dad get to run in the woods today!"

"You too!" Myles cheers and plays with your hair. "You gotta run too."

Shawn stops at the large oak tree and you set Myles down. "She doesn't shift, remember?"

"Oh yeah. Is she leaving?"

Shawn squats down and smiles. "She will still be here. You'll see bud, it'll be fun."

You take a seat on a root and watch as Shawn and Myles shift into their wolf forms. Shawn is pretty big, bigger than you remember and Myles is small like a couple months old puppy. He was small for his age so you're not surprised. The contrast between the two is alarming.

Shawn walks forward, nudging Myles toward you and he stumbles a bit. You reach out and pet Myles' head and he jumps into your lap.

"Hey bud," you pet his head again and he rolls onto your lap. "I don't think your dad wants you to lay on me."

Shawn paces and sits at the edge of the path. You set Myles down and he runs over to Shawn. You follow the two into the dense trees and it reminds you of when you would come here with Shawn when you were younger. The two of you spent hours with each other in these trees.

The two run along and you just enjoy the wilderness. It's just how you remember it being. The trees are all baren now, and the leaves cover the ground in beautiful orange and brown hues. Six years ago you left this place. How could you have been so stupid.

You feel something bump your back and you turn around to see Shawn. He has Myles at his side and you rub his ear softly. "What's up?"

Shawn bumps you harder and you stumble back. He does it again and you tumble into some leaves.

"Hey!" You brush leaves off your hair and Myles runs over, pouncing in the leaves around you. "What was that for?"

Shawn stalks towards you and Myles jumps in front of him, growling his hardest. You raise your eyebrows. Myles howls loudly.

Shawn shifts and stands before you and the pup. "Looks like someone is protective."

You put your hand out for him and he pulls you up. Myles runs off and hops around in the leaves nearby. "He reminds me of you."

"Yeah?"

"Mmhmm. Remember when we'd come out here with friends and you'd all shift?" You smile and shake your head. "You would never let anyone near me."

"Well that's because I had to keep you safe." He tucks some of your hair back as the wind picks up and blows it around. "Some of our friends were assholes."

"Yeah but no one would have hurt me."

"Accidents happen with young rambunctious wolves."

You smile softly and lean your head on his shoulder. "Yeah. You were always super cautious though." You loop your arm around his and he takes your hand.

"Do you think Myles is okay? Like I'm doing okay?"

"What? You're doing great. He's healthy and smart. He's not very big I'll admit but he was small when you found him right?"

"He was so tiny. Definitely the runt. It makes me sad to know he was possibly abandoned because he was so small they didn't think he'd survive."

You smile as Myles makes his way back toward you and Shawn. He looks delighted, like he's having the best time. "He's adorable."

"He likes you." Shawn says kissing your temple. "He knows that we're mates and he really looks up to you."

"He knows?"

"Hes a wolf. He can tell when others are taken. He might not understand it yet, I don't know, but he can definitely tell."

"I'm really glad I came back."

Shawn squeezes your side. "You can't imagine how I feel."

"I'm sure I can." You lay your head against his chest as he wraps his arms around you. "But I don't want to. I'm so sorry I put you through that loneliness."

"It's okay." He kisses your head. "You're here now. That's all that matters."

_____________________

It's a Monday when you and Myles head out of the Library front doors and see a woman sitting on the tree box. It's not unusual to see people sitting on the wood frame while waiting for someone or a ride or something. But there was something off about this woman. She put that sense of uneasiness in your heart, the way one might get when they experience something terrible. You guide Myles away from the tree and toward the sidewalk, hand firm in his.

"What's wrong?" He asks softly as you pick up the pace. Smart boy.

"Nothing Pup. I just want to see your dad."

"But you see him all the time."

You stop and pick Myles up and set him on your hip. He's heavy but not too bad. "I miss him is all. It was a long day."

"Yeah. It was." He sighs and lays his head on your shoulder. "Alpapabet is hard."

"Mmhmm." You murmur and hold his head against your shoulder. You can still feel the woman staring at you, but you will not look back and verify the feeling.

The walk to the coffee shop is long and exhausting with Myles on your hip. You don't want to put him down, something in you says to keep him as close as possible until you're with Shawn. The bell chimes over the door and you're glad to see the seating area is empty at the moment. It's nearly closing time, being late after noon, people aren't exactly flocking for coffee.

"Hey, how was school?" Shawn says, tossing a dish rag aside and walking out from behind the counter. "What's...?" You shake your head to cut him off.

You set Myles down and he begins to babble about his class and what he did all day. You take a seat and look out the window to see if the woman followed you.

Shawn sits across from you, having taken Myles to the play area behind the counter. "What happened?"

"Nothing happened. There was a woman outside the library and she made me uncomfortable. It's nothing, I just got a weird feeling."

"Was she saying anything? Did she approach you?"

You shake your head. "No. She just stared at me and Myles. It was weird, like I said, I was uncomfortable."

Shawn reaches across and takes your hands in his. "It's okay. Don't feel bad for trusting your instincts."

"No, I don't. I just hope Myles isn't uncomfortable."

"I don't think he is." He looks over at the small boy in the play area with his power rangers. "He seemed normal. Trust me, he will tell me if something is wrong. He has no filter. If something comes up again let me know?"

"Of course." You squeeze Shawn's hands. "I promise."

_____________________

You and Shawn go out on a date Saturday night, his mom has Myles again. Shawn hasn't seemed himself all week since the incident with the woman. You don't think that's what is really bothering him, as he hasn't said anything at all. Something is on his mind though and you can read him like a book as he picks at his dinner unenthusiastically. It's unlike him not to eat.

"So, what's going on?" You say nonchalantly.

"Hmm? Why do you mean?"

"You're not eating. You've hardly said a word."

"Sorry." He sits up in his chair and looks at you. "I'm just thinking about work."

"Work?"

"Yeah. I've got some things to sort out. It's fine."

You reach over and rub his forearm. "Talk to me. I'm here for you."

Shawn takes a deep breath. "The shop isn't doing so great lately and I need to find a way to make extra income because just selling coffee for ten hours a day and only making the gross majority of my profit in the morning, isn't working out."

You nod. "I see. What have you come up with?"

"Food? But I'd need to sink more money into expenditures to get food to make that."

"Mmm. What if you do something simple? Two sandwiches and a soup offering? Bakery goods? Could you partner with another shop in town?"

"I could do simple items, things I can get in bulk for pretty cheap. Or buy baked goods in bulk for cheap and resell for a small margin."

"What about breakfast?"

"Pancake mix I can stretch, and eggs aren't too expensive." Shawn runs his hand over his hair. "I've got some in savings for Myles, just for like in case he needs something but I can use a little."

You lean your chin on your hand. "I can bring my parents patio set over to the shop and we can set it up out front for outdoor seating."

"Really? They've got that nice black set right?"

"Mmmhmm. They left it with the house and I am never going to use it. I can even help you prep if you need in the morning."

Shawn smiles big. "I could offer WiFi at the shop too?"

"You could, but remember that's another bill."

"Yeah, true but I think I could make it work. Maybe charge a bit for the WiFi?"

"You could. Or maybe bring in some live music? In the afternoons?"

Shawn nods and smiles slightly. "That'd be good, I could charge a small fee to set up. It'd definitely bring people in I think."

"Alright, then you have a plan." You steal a fry off his dinner plate. "You better eat now before I take it all."

Shawn slides his plate away from you. "I will eat. You're just as bad as Myles."

"Am not."

He grins. "You're right, he's worse because he is as bad as his Dad."

You roll your eyes. "You are terrible when it comes to food theft."

Shawn holds a fry up for you. "But I'll share. A good alpha cares for his mate."

"Stopppp," you groan and take the fry. "No mate talk right now."

"Save it for the bedroom?"

"Shawn!"

He cackles and you drop your head into your arms on the table. "Hey," he reaches over and scratches your head. "Don't be so shy. It's okay to be mated and talk about it."

"I know. It's just so much to think about still. We haven't taken the time to discuss it. I think I understand but y'know, I'll probably never fully understand."

"I'll help."

"I know. It's only been a few weeks...a month? Shit. I'm still processing my move and seeing you again and Myles. Everything has happened so fast. Don't get me wrong, I love that you're here and I love Myles a lot even though we've just met. I'm happy but I'm just a little overwhelmed, or maybe I'm overthinking."

Shawn takes your hand and squeezes your fingers together gently. "Take your time. No one is rushing you into anything. I'm here no matter what you decide to do."

"I'm not leaving, if you're wondering about that."

"I've wondered yeah."

"No, I'm home again, for good."

"Good because I'm not too keen on letting you go again."

___________________

Laying in bed with Shawn, staring at the ceiling, it feels like the last six years never happened. The man beside you is out cold, arm up over his head, jaw slack. He's so beautiful when he's like this. Relaxed, innocent, not a care in the world. You swallow hard and sigh heavily. You hate feeling like this, like everything is just going too well.

"What's wrong?" Shawn asks and breaks the silence. He shouldn't even be awake.

"I thought you were passed out."

"I was. I felt your heartbeat quicken and woke up."

"Oh."

Shawn rolls onto his side and slides his hand up your bare stomach to tuck it around your rib cage. "Have you slept?"

"A little."

"Is your brain too loud?" He yawns. "Anxiety?"

You pause. He remembers that you have anxiety. Of course he does. "Yeah, I'm just in my head."

He noses at your neck gently, gives you a little kiss and a soft lick. He's always done this. His affection has always been a little different than any other guy you've known. "Talk to me."

"There's nothing to discuss. It's just me, just my head. I'm overthinking everything and you know how it is."

"Let's get up." Shawn pushes up so he's leaning over you. "We'll get some water, have a snack or something."

"Alright. I'll try anything."

Half an hour later you're in the living room of Shawn's apartment, legs tucked up under you while the tv plays silently across from you. It's some early 2000s sitcom rerun that plays late at night on the lower cable channels. You're not paying much mind to it.

"Here, an adult lunchable." Shawn says, placing a plate with crackers, cheese slices and ham cubes on your lap.

You can't help but crack a smile. "Adult lunchable huh?"

"Yeah." He sits beside you and pulls the blanket off the back of the couch. "You heard me."

You pick up a cracker and a cheese with the ham and pop it in your mouth. It's good. Really good actually, the cheese is strong and you raise your eyebrows at Shawn.

"Aged swiss. I got it at the farmers market last week. It's so good." He grabs a combo of food from the plate and eats it.

"When did you get so fancy?"

"Sometimes you just gotta treat yourself. Besides, I thought you might like it too."

You giggle a bit and shake your head. "You're something else Shawn."

"I am." He curls his lip up to reveal his fangs. "That's not news though."

"Not like that you goofba-" A loud banging stops you dead mid sentence. It's almost three in the morning. Who the hell is knocking on a door? Or trying to break it down.

Shawn stands and goes to the window that overlooks the street below. The apartment is above the coffee shop, so there aren't any neighbors. "I can't see anyone."

"Maybe something fell in the shop?"

"No, that was a forced banging. I'm going down." Shawn grabs his jacket from beside the door and you jump up, setting the plate of food aside.

"What if someone is down there?"

"I'll kick their ass?" Shawn opens the door and you grab his arm. "Honey, I'm not going to let someone break into my shop and ruin my whole lively hood."

"Call the police."

"No time. I need to see what is going on."

"What if-" The sound of breaking glass makes you jump and let out a little scream.

Shawn runs down the stairs and you grip the railing to the lower door tightly. He disappears outside and you remain frozen, eyes trained on the doorway.

Five minutes or so tick by so slowly until he reappears. "What is it?"

"I have no idea." Shawn motions for you to come downstairs. "The window looks like it just fell out of the doorframe to the shop."

You follow Shawn outside and to the shop door. Sure enough there is absolutely no glass left in the frame. It's like he said, the glass just fell out and broke. "That's weird. What about the banging?"

"I'm not sure. The door is locked." He pulls his keys from his jacket pocket and unlocks the shop. "Stay here while I go inside."

You grip your phone in your pocket and wait for him to give you an all clear. A moment later he returns, the lights flickering on in the shop reveals nothing out of place. It just looks like the shop at closing time.

"This is wild, I can't tell what made the banging. That absolutely sounded like someone at the door."

"It did. I don't know. Maybe someone was trying to get help and then the glass popped out and scared them off?"

Shawn scrubs his hand over his face. "Yeah, maybe. I can't even tell if it was a wolf, there are too many lingering scents here."

"Let's clean up."

"I'll clean up. You go on up to the house. Try to sleep if you can."

You wrap your arms around yourself, his sweatshirt so warm against your skin. "I'm not tired anymore."

Shawn walks around a nearby table and cups your face in his hands. "Please? You haven't slept. I know you don't work tomorrow, but you need rest."

"But..."

"No buts." He kisses you softly. "Go upstairs."

You lay your hands on his chest. "Come get me if you need me."

"Yes darling."

_____________________

You wake up sometime later, not remembering falling asleep. Your body must have been at it's limit. The light is dim shining in the window, likely a storm blowing in. Maybe it'll snow. You stretch out and your am collides with something soft.

You lift the blankets and find Myles curled up on Shawn's side of the bed. He's asleep, clutching his stuffed sea otter that he got at the zoo. He's told you the story about a hundred times in the last several weeks as small children do. Clearly it's very important to him. Shawn must have picked him up from his parents place before opening the shop.

The bedroom smells like coffee and you take a deep breath. It's so good. Rich and bright smelling with hints of hazelnut. You're such a sucker for coffee, Shawn really chose the perfect profession. You sit up and run your hand over your hair. Should you wake Myles up? No. Let him sleep.

Moving to get up you freeze, a little hand curling around your forearm. You look back and see Myles awake. He rubs his nose into the pillow.

"Good morning Pup."

"Mmmrning."

"I see you found me in Dad's bed."

Myles nods.

"Does Dad know you're in here?"

He giggles and shakes his head.

You run your hand over his hair. "It'll be our secr-"

Shawn walks in the open doorway and gasps playfully. "What is this? Have you stolen my mate?!"

Myles cackles and buries himself down in the bedding.

You laugh and Shawn leans down and kisses your forehead. "Good morning Shawn."

"Morning Honey." He tugs the blankets back to expose Myles. "I see I have a rouge pup in my bed, loving my mate up."

"Daddd! I was snugbulling!" Myles crawls over to your lap and lays his head on your thigh. "Momma's warm."

Your eyes go wide. Shawn must pick up on the way your heart stops because he lifts Myles off your lap and carries him over to the other side of the room. You can hear him say something to the boy but you can't make it out he is speaking so low. You remember your dream, the one from the day you found Shawn again. The one with the boy calling you Momma.

"Shawn?" You call out.

He turns and looks over to you, startled at the loudness of your voice. "Yes?"

"It's okay." You stand up and cross the room and put your arms out for Myles. "He can snuggle."

Shawn raises his eyebrows. "He can?"

"Yeah." You pet back Myles' mop of dark hair and he lays his head on your shoulder. "It'll be easier to start now."

"Are you ready for that? I thought you were still sorting things out?"

"I can't let myself wait to figure it out. I just have to do it, to be here and be in this." You kiss Myles' head. "I need to be a mate."

Shawn steps close and pulls you in, sandwiching Myles between the two of you. He presses a kiss to your head and whispers, "I love you."

"I love you, Shawn."

"I love you too Dad." Myles mumbles and blows a kiss. You both chuckle at him and he wiggles to be set down. "Breakfast Dad." He grabs Shawn's hand and you take the other one, fingers intertwining.

______________________

Another Monday comes following the really great weekend of staying at Shawn's place. You're sitting in the back office of the library getting books sorted that have been damaged. You're taking logs to make sure and order new ones of them. Your coworker Brenda who works the front desk walks in and closes the door behind her, making you look up from your work curiously because the door always stays open.

"Is Myles adopted?"

"Um, y-yeah?" You swallow thickly. Had someone found out he wasn't your son? It wasn't a big deal, but maybe it was. "Why?"

"Well, there was someone here asking to pick up a child early. She wouldn't give me a name but said his adopted mother worked here. I know you're not a wolf, so I thought maybe Myles was adopted and she was asking for him?"

You stand up and knock over your stack of books. "Is she still here? "

"No. She left when I told her she would need to bring a note of approval of absence from a parent."

You wrap your arms around yourself. "Do you have security camera access?"

"Yes of course." Brenda nods. "Do you need something?"

"I want to see the video footage of the woman who came in. Please?"

Brenda opens the door and waves you to follow. "Come on, I'll show you. Obviously you're concerned."

"Of course I am." You follow her down the hall. "If that woman was here for Myles then I need to know. No one should come for him besides myself, Shawn and Karen, Shawn's Mom. I'm going to assume it was not Karen."

"She would know his name, right?"

"Exactly."

____________________

After viewing the footage you call Shawn. The woman was the same one from the other day outside the library. The one who made you uncomfortable. The phone rings and rings. Shawn probably has it on the charger in the storage room. You click to hang up and go to Brenda.

"Can you put a note in Myles' file that no one is allowed to pick him up but Shawn or myself?"

"Of course. Is something going on? Do you think that woman was really here for Myles?"

"Yeah, maybe. Even if she wasn't, that behavior is extremely fishy. Can we ban her?"

Brenda nods and holds up a printed copy of a screengrab from her computer of the footage. "I'm already on it."

You nod. "Good. I'm going to finish my ordering. Let me know if anything else comes up."

____________________

As soon as you get to the shop with Myles and work you tell Shawn what happened, and how the woman was the same one that made you uneasy. Shawn closes up early and locks the front door. He's not happy, it's quite obvious.

"Does Myles know?" He asks as he sinks into the corner booth where you're sitting with a cup of tea he made for you.

"No, he doesn't. Brenda wasn't going to let him out of the care room under any circumstances. She didn't even know for sure if it was Myles she was asking for. The woman didn't know his name."

"Good." Shawn runs his hand over his hair and tugs. "You're absolutely sure this was the same woman?"

"Yes Shawn. I'm a thousand percent sure. I knew something was up, I just didn't know what. Why would someone try to take Myles?"

"I don't know." He looks to his son in the corner as he stages a little cafe with his power ranger toys and pretends to take an order. "I've had him for almost three years now. He'll be five, or what I assume is five, honestly we have no idea how old he is but developmentally he is almost five."

"His birthday is coming up?"

"Yeah. I found him just before New year's, out there in the snow."

"So that's his birthday?"

Shawn nods. "Mmhmm. The day I found him is his birthday. But that aside, I've had him this long and I've never had any problems. No one has ever come for him, or showed up looking for him."

"Maybe that woman is related?" You stir your tea and chew your lip nervously. "Maybe she has been looking for him."

"I've been afraid of that, but I figured that three years passed, no one would come back. Then again I thought six years was a sure thing you weren't coming back but here you are." Shawn lets out a heavy sigh that borders on a growl. "Fuck."

You reach across and grab his hand on the table. "Shawn, it's up to you what you want to do. You're Myles' father. If this woman is his mom, or his Grandma or related in someway, it's up to you if you want him to meet them. They left him, abandoned him to die in the Wolveswood years ago. They have no claim to him at all."

"I know. I'm torn. What if this woman can tell me something about him? What if I should know something?"

"I think in three years you would have found out if there was anything wrong with him. He's been to the doctor right?"

"Yes of course. Every six months he has his check ups and he's gotten everything he needs to be healthy. I even take him to the dentist twice a year to make sure his teeth aren't coming in wrong."

"Then he is fine. If that woman shows up again, then you can speak with her. Or if you don't want to do that, simply tell her to leave."

Shawn nods. "Yeah, I don't want to confuse Myles. I'll tell her to leave us alone."

"Sounds good."

"I do want to keep Myles here tomorrow. I'd just feel better if he was close, in case that woman comes back to the library."

"I'll let Lena know he'll be out." You bring Shawn's hand up and kiss it softly. "You're doing your best, don't stress."

"I know." He smiles tiredly. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too."

______________________

Shawn keeps Myles home the next day. He has Lettie run the shop while he gives his son a really good day together. They go out for breakfast, go to the park, watch the geese at the lake, make lunch together. He makes sure Myles knows he is loved, not that he would really doubt it. Shawn gives everything he has and more to the child.

Wednesday rolls around and you have a day off since you're picking up a co-worker's Saturday shift. You decide to hang out with Shawn, learn a little bit about coffee and drink making. It's slow in the shop. Myles is down for a nap, Shawn having kept him home again since you wouldn't be at the library.

"So you wanna make drinks?" Shawn says sing songy and grabs a cup off the stack by the registers. "You wanna know my secrets?"

You giggle. "Share your sage advice oh wise barista."

"First you start with the bean!" Shawn grabs a handful of beans ready to go in the roaster. "THE MASTER OF ALL!"

You roll your eyes and let out a reluctant chuckle at his antics. "My god you're ridiculous."

"Maybe. But maybe I'm the bean whisperer. How bout that?"

You grab the cup from him and go to the coffee tanks. "Enough bean master, let's get to the mixy mixy."

Shawn chuckles to himself and steps up behind you. "Start with your brew strength." He points out each tank labeled with blonde, medium, dark roasts. "Then choose your flavors or sweeteners."

You pour out a dark roast cup. "I want caramel."

"This way, Honey." He says, going over to a little tiered set up on the back counter of pumps of flavouring. "Toasted caramel? Salted caramel?"

"Which is sweeter?"

"Toasted."

You lift the cup to the pump and out your palm over the spout. "How many?"

"Well, do you want the coffee to be lightly flavored or," He presses his nose into your hair and grabs your hips. "Extra sweet."

"Shawn," you giggle and he sways your hips in time with his. "Quit it."

"I can't help it." He wraps his arms around you. "I'm in one of my moods."

You pump down two squirts of the caramel and set the coffee down, eyes scanning for a stir stick. "Your moods huh?"

"Yeah." He slides a hand up your shirt and you slap your hand down against it to stop him. "We are in the shop Shawn!"

Shawn kisses along your neck and you can't help but shiver. "We've had fun in much worse places haven't we?"

"Shawn. Please, someone could walk in."

He lets out a growl and peels himself away from you. "Alright, fine. You ruin my fun."

You hold your cup up. "Maybe I have to because you have alpha brain right now and you just want to fuck and I want to learn how to make a caramel cream coffee."

"Yes darling." He shows you to the milk machine. "Alright so this is where we steak the milk. Please be careful."

You turn on the machine and wait as it bubbles inside. "Okay, when?"

"Hold on now." Shawn grabs a metal cup with a handle and gets under the bar to get a carton of milk. "We have to get the milk first."

"Oh. It's not in there?"

"No. It's going to just heat it." Shawn kisses your cheek. "Let me do it the first time okay?"

You step aside and he pours out the milk to a notch in the metal cup. He puts the cup up onto the spigot and flips it on. The machine bubbles and the milk gurgles in the cup. "That looks easy?"

"It's hot."

"You're hot." You smirk and Shawn gives you a warning look. You know you shouldn't tease him when he's already in a mood.

"Your milk." He pours it into your cup and stirs with a stir stick from a cup on top of the machine.

You lift the cup and take a sip. It's good. Not exactly what you wanted, but it's good nonetheless. "Should we check on Myles?"

Shawn nods. "He should be woken up. It's almost time for lunch."

"I'll go get him." You offer, setting aside your coffee. "You should watch the shop."

"I better not come up there and find you snuggled up if you don't return."

"But what if he wants snuggled? Shouldn't the baby boy be snuggled?"

Shawn rolls his eyes. "Five minutes. Don't spoil him."

"Oh he is already spoiled."

"Yeah," Shawn chuckles. "He is."

____________________

You walk into Myles' small bedroom and see him sleeping on his little toddler bed. It's precious, completely space themed with the bed being a rocketship. Shawn truly spoils this child rotten. You kneel beside the bed and lay your hand on his back, rocking him gently to wake him up.

"Pup, it's time to wake up now."

The moment your voice reaches his ears he jumps, small body jerking with incredible force as he presses himself to the wall. There is terror in his eyes for a flash of a second before he registers who you are.

"Myles are you alright? Did you have a nightmare?"

He crawls and begins to cry, arms wrapping around you as he clambors forward. You hold him, pulling him off the bed and into your lap as you take a seat on the floor more comfortably. He shakes, fingers curled tight in your shirt.

You rub his back and he continues his soft crying. "Tell me about it?"

"I was in the forest and Dad was gone and uh, uh a lady says I should go with her." He wipes his nose on your shoulder. "But but Dad said no because I don't know her that I don't do that. So I said no! and she got mad."

"Oh." You swallow hard, worried this dream could be connected to the woman who keeps appearing. "Did anything else happen?"

"No. I woked up and I thinked you were the lady."

"Oh bud, I'm sorry I scared you."

Myles releases you and sits on the floor in front of you. "It's okay Momma."

Your heart clenches. You won't get used to that name anytime soon. "Let's go see Dad. He probably has some lunch for you, or maybe we can get some."

"Oh good. I'm starving." Myles says matter of fact and goes to his bedroom door.

You follow after and he takes your hand as you go down the stairs to the door outside. It's busy, the shops across the street having people coming and going. You spot a woman on the bench across from the shop, opposite side of the street in front of the hardware store. It's her. You pick Myles up and he hugs you tightly. Your heart races and you stare at her, memorizing her face, hoping she is looking at you and understanding she is not welcome.

When you get into the shop it's busy and Shawn is rushing around behind the counter. The line is six deep. You carry Myles around behind the counter and into the storage room. Shawn gives you a look but you shake your head.

You wait until the line goes down and Shawn has a free moment to call him over to the backroom. He doesn't need much encouragement, he is on his way the second he realizes he is free.

"What is going on?" Shawn asks under his breath.

"Myles had a dream about the woman and she was across the street on a bench. I think she's stalking him."

Shawn sneers, flashing his teeth in a rare threatened alpha moment. His eyes go to the doors of the shop, scan across the windows to see anyone outside. "What does she look like?"

"My height, brown hair, quite a bit older than us. Maybe early forties? Or maybe time wasn't kind, but she is white and has on a brown sweater and-"

Shawn stalks across the shop and opens the door, going out and leaving you speechless.

"Daddy's mad." Myles mumbles and grabs your fingers. "Is he okay?"

"Yes pup. He is unhappy with someone outside."

"Can I have juice?"

You look around. "Where does Dad keep your cups?"

"Here." He walks over and pats a cupboard door under the register. "Juice is in the refridgermater."

You eye the front doors as you retrieve the juice for Myles. You don't want him to worry, but you're sure he already senses your anxiety rising.

A hand lands on your leg and you look down at Myles. He wraps his arms around your thigh. "It's okay Momma."

You clench your jaw and hold back your emotions. The boy is so sweet and so sensitive. You squat down and hand him his cup. "It's okay, I know. How bout we go see what Mr. Red ranger has ordered today?"

Myles smiles big and hurries off to the backroom where his toys are laying by a storage shelf.

The door jingles upon opening and you look over to see Shawn walking in. He's not much happier than he was before he went out. His teeth are still prominent, eyes wild. You're going to assume he has not found the woman.

"I don't like this." Shawn growls. "I don't play games and not with our son at risk."

"Our son."

"Yes that's what I said, I-" He stops and realizes the weight of his words. "My son. Our son? He calls you Momma so-"

"It's okay." You lay your hand on Shawn's shoulder. "He's our son."

"Yeah, he is. No one is going to take him."

"Over my dead body. She was gone wasn't she?"

"Yes. She was completely gone. I just want to talk to her, to find out what her problem is. We assume it's Myles, but maybe it's not?"

"You think she's after me?"

Shawn shrugs. "I don't know. She hasn't seen me as far as we know, and she's only come to your work until now. Maybe she needs to see you?"

"No, it's Myles. It has to be. He dreamed about her, there is something going on I just don't know what."

"Next time we see her, we will approach her."

"Absoultely. As long as I don't have Myles with me. I'm not risking her snatching him or something."

Shawn shakes his head. "No of course not. I have a feeling she will be back though. I'll take care of it."

_____________________

The next few days are quiet, not much going on at work or at the coffee shop. You have dinner with Shawn and Myles one night, go see a movie at the drive in another night. Life feels normal and good until you get home one evening and something isn't right.

It starts on your drive home. You turn the radio off while you think about the woman that has been appearing. You're not sure what has gotten you thinking about her, but something has. It bothers you. Why didn't she approach you? Why didn't she talk to you? What was her motive? It all points to Myles. She must be related somehow. Maybe she doesn't even know how yet. Maybe she just recognizes a familiar scent on him. You sigh and turn into the driveway of your house.

You sense something is wrong when you turn the handle on the front door and it's not even latched. You know you locked it because you locked yourself out that morning and had to go in through the garage to get your keys. You step back and grab the strap of your purse, hand going to your pocket for your phone.

"Anyway then he said he couldn't go but I know he could..." You spin around and see your neighbor and a friend walking past your house chit chatting.

"You okay honey?" The friend asks, stopping your neighbor in her conversation.

You step down off the porch and clutch your phone. "Y-yeah."

"You look like you've seen a ghost. Are you sure?"

"Actually..." You glance back at the door. "Have you two seen anyone here? Or anyone you don't recognize around the neighborhood?"

The neighbor shakes her head. "No, not that I can recall. Is something wrong? Is your house okay?"

"I think so? It's just my door is unlocked and I know I locked it this morning. I'm worried that someone may have broke in and-"

"Oh honey, call the police. I wouldn't mess around with that." The friend says, pulling out her phone. "My husband works at the precient let me just give him a call."

"Oh that's okay he's probably busy. I probably just made a mistake or something."

"Dear you should have someone stop by before you go inside. If you're confident you locked it and it's unlocked then you should not go in." Your neighbor ushers you toward the sidewalk. "There could be a feral wolf in there. Y'know I heard one of them rouge packs has been in the Wolveswood lately."

"What? Really?" You bring your phone up and open Shawn's contact. "When did you hear that?"

"About three days ago? Some of the ladies at the book club were talking about it. I really wish the city council would do something about it. What if one of the kids gets hurt out there?"

You nod and lift your phone to your ear. "Excuse me, sorry." The phone rings and rings. Finally after six times Shawn answers. "Shawn? Can you come by the house?"

"Of course. Should I bring Myles?"

"No. Drop him off at you mom's house. There is something going on."

Shawn says something to Myles. "I'll be there in a few minutes. Have you called anyone else?"

"No, um well, the neighbor is calling her husband who's a cop. I'm not sure what's going on but the door to the house is unlocked and...Shawn I don't want Myles to be scared. I don't want you to panic."

He takes a deep breath. "I know. I'll try to stay calm. I'm on my way."

You lower your phone and stare at the front door of the house. If that woman is in there you're going to lose your shit. This has gone too far. What if you had brought Myles home with you before stopping at the coffee shop? What if you went in and the woman was there? Would she hurt you? You step back and your neighbor lays her hand on your shoulder.

"Breath dear, you're turning blue."

"Sorry." You shake your head and take a deep breath. "I'm just nervous."

"That's alright. I understand, this isn't something to take lightly. Hopefully all is well and nothing has happened and you did just forget to lock the door."

"No, I locked it, and it's not even latched. Someone was in my house or is right now."

"The cops are coming." Your neighbor's friend says softly.

"Thank you."

____________________

The moment Shawn arrives he pulls you into his arms. The cops arrived only moments before and have gone into the house to investigate. Shawn buries his face in your hair and cups the back of your neck with his hand as if he let go for just a moment he might lose you. He's burning hot, skin radiating heat through his clothes and into you. You're sure he's going mad in his head, mind racing with every scenario that could have played out. You slide your hand up his back, nails raking gentle against his spine to soothe him, to bring him down from a feral high.

"The house is clear." An officer says as he approaches. His badge says Martin. "There's signs of an invasion, we'll need you to verify any missing items."

"Yeah, sure." You nod and step away from Shawn, hand going to his. "Come on honey."

Shawn walks with you to the front door and he tenses, eyes darting around as if he senses something, or someone. "What is going on?"

"Hmm."

Your hand falls away as you step through the door frame. "Is something wrong?"

He shakes his head and follows after you.

The house has been ransacked. Your living room is torn up, the couch flipped, Myles’ play pen is destroyed, the drawers of your end table opened and emptied. You cover your mouth and stifle a cry as you take it all in. Whoever it was, wanted something.

"Ma'am, I know this is difficult to take in. Please let us know if anything is gone. We will add it to the report."

"Is the whole house like this?" You turn and look at officer Martin and he gives a gentle sorrowful look.

“Some of the rooms are too.” Martin says.

"Oh my God."

"Honey, they'll find who did this." Shawn says and wraps his arm around you to pull you into his chest. "Or I will." He says under his breath.

You look at the mantle and a photo of you and Shawn with Myles is missing. "The photo from his first day of kids care."

Shawn looks back and forth across the mantle. "It's gone. Why would they take it?"

"For reference?"

Officer Martin steps in. "Something gone?"

"A photo of us with our son, Shawn's son technically." You explain, lifting another frame. "It's this big or so."

"Maybe it's in the mess." Officer Martin offers, looking around the floor. "Is there anything of value in the frame?"

"No, just the photo."

Shawn moves away from you and pulls the officer aside. "Sir, can I talk to you outside? It may pertain to the situation."

"Of course."

"Baby, I'll be right back, I'm going to talk to the cop outside okay?" Shawn calls to you as you walk into the kitchen.

You nod. "Yeah, okay I'll be here." You look around the kitchen and it's fine for the most part. Some stuff has been moved, drawers opened but not emptied. Beside the kitchen is the mudroom and it's untouched. You stare up the stairs adjacent, nervous to find out what your bedroom looks like, not to mention the other two rooms up there. You take a deep breath and start the climb to find out.

_____________________

Your room is untouched. It looks exactly how you left it this morning. You waste no time looking around and move to the guest room that was once your brother's bedroom. It's okay, the same as always. Then you go to the room that used to be yours, the smallest upstairs and the one you use for Myles when he comes over. It has a twin size bed and some of his toys in it. It is the room you're sure won't be untouched.

The door falls open when you push on it and inside is dark. You turn on the light and sure enough it looks like someone has localized a tornado in there. Everything from the bed sheets to the spare change of Myles' clothes are strewn about. You cover your mouth. Had the intruder really come for Myles, thinking he was here?

Shawn calls your name and you turn in the doorway to see him at the top of the stairs. "We should go get Myles."

"I'm not bringing him back here."

"No, we're not. We'll go to the apartment. I don't want you to stay here either. I think we should be together right now."

You walk down the hall to meet him and he puts his arm around you, cradling your head to his chest. "Why is someone doing this?"

"I don't know. They want Myles back? I can't imagine why. He was abandoned. It’s been years."

"I know. I just feel like it's my fault somehow. Everything started happening when we got back together."

"No, shh." Shawn kisses your head. "You haven't done anything wrong. Let's finish up with the officers here and go get Myles and go home. It's too stressful in this house right now."

_____________________

Morning comes the next day after a restless night and you wake up in Shawn's bed with a weight on your chest. It's Myles. He is using you as a pillow, legs and body stretched out across Shawn's side of the bed. You rest your hand on his hair and scratch gently. He stirs, wakened by your touch.

"Momma?" Your heart races, it does every time he calls you that.

"What, Pup?"

"I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything. Why are you sorry?"

Myles turns his head and faces you, his little cheek squished into your skin. "Because you're scared." He pats his hand in time with your heartbeat over your chest.

You smile softly. "I'm not scared. I just woke up."

"But your heart is all bumbumbum."

"That's because I love you." You put your hand over his and he makes big eyes at you. "I realized you were sleeping on me and I am happy because you're my favorite pup."

Myles giggles. "Ohh. My heart goes bumbumbum too when you get me after school sometimes."

"That's when you get excited. Your heart can beat fast for a lot of reasons."

He nods. "Dad's does that when you are near him. What's that mean?"

You smile big and close your eyes. This child is so sweet, he has no idea. "It means Dad loves me and is happy when we are together. Let's go back to sleep. I'm very tired."

"Me too." Myles says as he stretches. He shifts around and lays beside you, cuddles against your side. "I love you too Momma."

You turn and hold him against you, chin on his head. He's warm like Shawn, the wolf in him making him run hotter than average. You close your eyes and relax, he's safe and so are you.

_____________________upadate

When you get up later in the morning Shawn is still gone. You assume he is at the shop working like usual but when you go down with Myles he isn't there.

"Lettie, is Shawn out?" You ask as you place Myles down by his toys.

The sweet old woman looks up from her magazine. "He wasn't here dear. I saw him come down this morning and head out across the street. He texted me last night about running the shop today for him. I figured he was going to your place but now I see that isn't the case."

"He left? He didn't say anything to me about that. What time did he leave?"

Lettie looks back at the clock. "Around five this morning."

"He's been gone all morning. Can you watch Myles? I'm gonna run upstairs and check for a note."

"Sure thing dear."

You head out the door and go to the door to the apartment stairs. Surely Shawn would have left a note or even a text saying he wasn't going to be at the shop. He never said anything about leaving yesterday, in fact he was pretty hell bent on keeping you and Myles close. You search the living room and kitchen counters for any notes. Nothing. No luck at all. Maybe something came up? But with who? His parents? The woman? You sink down onto the couch and stare at the ceiling.

"Shawn, what are you doing?" You ask out loud. "Why on Earth did you leave me here with Myles when shit is hitting the fan?"

You a,re torn. On one hand you want to go see if he's at the Wolveswood because you have a feeling that after finding out about a rogue pack he may have gone there for answers. On the other hand you have to keep Myles safe and leaving him with someone else isn't exactly your best option. Not that you stand a chance against a werewolf should anything happen gods forbid it but you'd rather he be with you.

There is no use keeping Myles downstairs with Lettie if Shawn's not working. You'll grab him and bring him back up for some breakfast and play time. It's best you just stay home and wait to hear from Shawn.

Two hours later and it's nearly noon. You've not heard from Shawn despite calling him twice and leaving messages. You're beginning to worry if he's alright. Myles knows something is wrong but he doesn't say anything, just sits real close and lays on your lap while you watch TV.

Nearly four in the afternoon and you have yet to know where Shawn is. Panic is starting to set in and you worry he's gone after the woman or the rogue wolves and gotten hurt. How could he be so reckless? How could he just leave you without warning? At least leave a note so you can send the police for him if he doesn't return by a certain time.

You grab your keys and get Myles dressed to go to his Karen's house. You're going to go after Shawn and the best place for Myles is her house. You have no idea how you're going to find him, but you're going to try locating his car first and work from there.

After leaving Myles with Karen you double back to the entrance of the Wolveswood. Sure enough Shawn's Jeep is there but you realize you have absolutely nothing to defend yourself with if you go inside. You turn back onto the road and head for your house. You have a taser in the top drawer of your dresser and you might have a knife or two in the garage from your dad's hunting and fishing stuff your parents kept in there.

You are in and out of the house fairly quickly, having found the taser and a good-sized knife for skinning deer. You hope you won't have to use either one but if the occasion comes you're ready. There is one last stop you need to make and it's at Shawn's place to lock up. You had forgotten in the rush to get Myles to Karen's place and you don't need someone wandering into his house.

You climb the stairs to the apartment and you freeze with your key in the lock. You can hear someone talking outside the lower door. It spooks you and you open the door and go inside, flipping the lock just in case. You go to the front windows and look down to see if there is anyone out there on their cell phone. There is someone there and it's a guy in maybe his thirties, looking at the door, then to your car. Your stomach sinks.

You feel around your pockets and realize you've left your phone in the car with your purse. Outside the guy stops talking and is standing in front of the door, looking up. You back away from the window and go to the kitchen. You grab a dining chair and shove it against the front door handle. The only other exit is through the fire escape in Myles' bedroom.

Just as you get the window open you can hear pounding on the front door you've blocked. As you suspected, the guy was not just some innocent passerby. You duck out of the window onto the railings of the fire escape. If you can just get down to the shop you know Lettie is in there cleaning up. You're not alone. You take a deep breath and try to calm your racing heart and shaking hands. Panic won't help you.

The latch on the ladder is stuck, rusty and unused. You kick at it trying to loosen it. If you can't get it undone you're not going to get down. The ladder stops short about ten feet from the ground and there isn't even a dumpster you can land on in a movie like escape. You kick harder and still nothing. You look up to the roof and there is a ladder there for maintenance but that's not going to help you if you're discovered. The roof is a trap.

You lean into the window and look around Myles' room for something you can hit the latch with. His room isn't exactly filled with tools or anything outside of plush blankets and action figures. There's a bottle of lotion on his dresser. Maybe it'll work as a lubricant. You crawl in and grab it and head back out to get to work.

Inside you hear the chair in front of the door scoot loudly against the wooden floor. You kick the latch one more time and it drops, the ladder extending down to the ground. Your heart clenches and you're gone, climbing down as fast as your hands and feet will allow. The ground under your feet is sweet solace as you barrel through the back storage room door into the cafe.

"Hey! Who's there?!"

"It's me Lettie!" You yell and head for the phone on the wall in the small office area where Shawn keeps his paperwork and invoices. "I don't have time to explain. Someone has broken into Shawn's apartment."

"What?!" Lettie looks up at the ceiling. "I heard some noise from up there but I figured you were just cleaning or something while Myles is away."

You dial the police and hold the phone against your ear as it rings. "I got out through the fire escape."

Lettie grabs her keys and heads for the front door. "That son of a bitch isn't getting away with this."

"Lettie! What're you doing?"

"I'm locking them in!"

"How?"

"I've got keys. It used to be my place before it was Shawn's. I've got the spares in case Shawn locks himself out." Lettie says triumphantly. "Let's see them escape now."

"Lettie- yes hello, I'd like to report a break in." You turn away from the old woman going out to lock the stairwell door to the apartment. "I'm at 223 Main Street at the Full Moon Brew coffee shop. My boyfriend's apartment above has been broken into. Yes I'm fine. No I'm not alone, I'm with an employee in the shop."

The operator asks a few more questions and informs you a squad car is on its way. Just as the woman is repeating back your information the line clicks and goes dead. "Hello?" You pull the phone away as the dial tone beeps. "Fuck."

Outside Shawn's Jeep pulls up in front of the shop and your heart stops. What impeccable timing. You can see Lettie talking to him and he looks upstairs then into the shop. He looks wild and you know he isn't going to wait for the police.

______________

"Shawn." You say softly as he enters the shop and strides up to you. "He's safe, he's with your mom."

"Oh thank Gods. How did you know what I was going to ask?"

"He's our son and he's not here." You glance up at the ceiling. "Of course you're going to ask."

"Who's in my house?"

"I have no idea. They showed up as soon as I got here to lock up. I'm pretty sure they followed me from the Wolveswood."

Shawn growls low and curls his fingers around the nearby countertop ledge. "He's one of them. There's a whole pack trying to find Myles. From what I gather he's the son of their alpha and his mother abandoned him because she and the alpha were not mates."

"How did they find him?"

"The mother confessed. She is the one we've been seeing everywhere. She thought she could just take him and save her life if she brought back the child before anyone found out she abandoned him." Shawn glares at the ceiling as footsteps creak across the floor boards. "I'm willing to bet that's the alpha."

"His dad."

"No. I'm his dad. I raised him and he is my child." He heads for the back door, following the footsteps overhead. "And no one is going to take him from you or me without going through my dead body."

"Shawn, don't start a fight. If you die, what happens to me? Do you really think they'll just interrogate me into giving Myles up and let me live?" You shake as you speak, voice trembling harshly. "Let the police take care of this."

Shawn stops at the backdoor and grips the frame harshly, the wood splintering under his grip. "I'm that guy's worst nightmare. He came after my family, my child. I won't wait for the police, I have to deal with him myself."

"Just wait! Shawn! No!" You shout as he runs out into the alley. He's going for the fire escape no doubt. You step out the door and he's already on the metal overhang above you.

__________

to be continued

*****Note: none of my works should be posted anywhere outside of my linked accounts. I do not give permission to repost with or without credit to my accounts. Please notify me of any reposted works.*****

#stories #werewolf au

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inevitably-johnlocked · 4 years

Note

Hello, Lovely Steph! I know that people here don't usually talk much about their personal life, but, only if you're completely ok with answering this question, I was wondering what you worked in, like, if you had a job in rl. I was interested in what is your job; imho you'd be great at everything, and if u feel comfortable with telling us what you do, it'd be really cool On the other hand, if you don't, for any reason, wanna say it it'd be absolutely ok and u wouldn't even have to answer this 💜

Hey Nonny!

It’s totally okay, I don’t mind. I just try to keep a lot of my personal, online and work life all separate for various reasons (something I don’t think people do enough of, to be honest), but I don’t mind letting y’all know my day-job. It might help y’all understand why I need a break from my computer more often than not.

Yes, I do have a day job as a paid full-time senior graphic designer, one that I’m fortunate enough to work from home at during the pandemic. Assuming you’re new so it’s not AS noticeable that I actually do have a day-job because during quarantine I’m working from home on my home computer, so blogging all day is just a switch of tabs. Downside being a designer in quarantine is you’re always on call and it’s kind of expected that you’re available... *shrugs* At least when I worked at the office, there was that distinct break up of my going to and from work, and a computer dedicated solely for work, and my PERSONAL computer was for personal things. Now my personal computer is EVERYTHING, and I never leave home so *shrugs*

I’m purposely being vague because I don’t want to say much else on a public post, since there is a level of privacy related to my job, other than, if you live in Canada, you’ve probably seen my work all across the country in newspapers, websites, posters, advertisements, television events and billboards. And I do love my job: my boss is great, I have great benefits and I get paid above-living wage, which means I can afford a single apt on my own. It pays over double of my last job, where I used to work as a production coordinator and graphic designer for local newspapers (word to the wise: NEVER work at a newspaper company, they will find ways to fuck you over). This job you guys probably DO know about, since I reference it a lot when people come to me about trash rags using clickbait. That job was a 9 year gig and it paid shit (WAY below poverty), but the benefits and holiday package was good which is why I stayed so long (and waiting for the layoff package that never came), but I LITERALLY couldn’t afford to live anymore and it was to the point I almost lost my home. My friend who works at the HQ branch of my current job got me the position I have now, and for now I’m content, though I want out of the drama of it eventually. My dream is working graphic design at a studio, but where I am now, actually was the “alternate dream position” because my neurotic ass did the math as a teenager and I knew it would enable me to live, if nothing else. I’m saving up to finally move into a condo with my RSP money (in Canada, you can use your RSP’s to buy your first home, which is what I am going to do with it), which is a dream next-step, but I live in a major city so it’s not cheap to go from renting to owning... the in-between stage will cost me about 30,000$ up-front, which I don’t have and the prospect of dropping that much money at once terrifies me.

Work is one of the few things I KNOW I excel at – I’ve been doing it for nearly 20 years – and honestly these days I truly believe it’s ALL I’m good at, so sadly I choose working tirelessly over anything else because I need the validation from my peers, and at the end of the day, it’s unfortunately left me a very lonely person with shit self-esteem and obsessive compulsive tendencies.

Anyway, it is cliché, but graphic design is legit my passion. I love it very much, but I just hate how cutthroat the industry is, and how little respect we designers receive. It combines my love of computers and art seamlessly, and I am proud of the work I have done. Every month I also do freelance work on the side for a former boss of mine, which is so minimal that I don’t have to claim it (it’s literally under 1000$ a year), for a magazine she publishes, so that gets me some extra spending money every month that I squirrel away for trips and collecting stuff.

So yeah, that’s a bit about me. So if you ever need a business card, logo, poster, etc, I’m your gal, LOL. The blogging and art are hobbies for me. I WANT to make art or writing my sole income, but I’ve never been able to launch either beyond a commission once every few years or to just meta and the occasional one-shot fic. And my self esteem is SO shit that if I created a Patreon and no one signed up, I’d see it as another failure in my life, so that’s why I just leave the option of my Ko.fi for people to contribute if they like my blog or what I do.

Anyhoo, TL;DR: I’m a graphic designer for very important people.

Cheers Nonny, hope that gave you a bit of insight :)

#steph replies #about my #my ramblings #chatting with nonnies #my job is just a job #for the record #Anonymous

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hulahoopingholt · 4 years

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Hi, this is a weird message but I'm just wondering if you're okay? I have followed you on this blog and your main one for a long time, and I used to check in on your blog almost every day. I noticed that you haven't posted in several months! Anyway, I hope your life is going well and that you're staying safe in these strange times. This isn't meant to pressure you into returning to tumblr, I just get worried sometimes when people disappear!

HI HELLO TO YOU AND TO EVERYONE ELSE I ABANDONED THE PAST FEW MONTHS.

So the tl;dr is that I’m doing well, there’s just been a LOT going on and tumblr just kind of got lost in the crossfire.

The longer version is I just had a LOT of stuff happen all at once and I just didn’t have the time/energy for the tumblr life. Basically........

I have a boyfriend now!!! He was my very first Tinder date on the very first day of the year and somehow it all just worked really well and I am SUPER happy. It is a little bit trickier because he has a daughter so that’s just a new layer I’ve never dealt with in any kind of relationship but it’s all very exciting and seriously he is a gem of a human.

Work got really busy. Like.........just REALLY busy it was insane. But it was normal.

Then a global pandemic hit OOOPS.

And I work in an industry that was heavily impacted by coronavirus, and my role in particular meant I was basically working........allllllll the time. All the time. Seriously who are these people who say that working from home is a breeze and they never do anything because I was working from the moment I woke up until I went to bed way after my usual bedtime and at one point I actually had a mini-breakdown and my boss insisted I take a (free) day off. Shit’s HARD. Things are finally calming down now but

We’ve also started announcing layoffs. I’m not really concerned about my job being impacted (other than the fact we were already told we’re not getting merit raises this year), but.........just not a great environment to be in.

And I worked at a place a few years ago that went through massive layoffs where my role WAS eliminated so.......it’s icky.

And all through this.......honestly, tumblr kind of started feeling like work? Maybe if I were someone who could be casual about anything it wouldn’t be such a big deal, but just.......keeping up with tags......and content....and adding commentary......even at my MASSIVELY reduced level compared to what I used to do years ago........was just really draining me. So when things started getting busy, first with the happy things with the bf and then with the more stressful things, tumblr was just a really easy thing to give up. I’ll be honest, I missed the people a LOT A LOT A LOT and I’ve thought about all of you a great deal, but tumblr itself.........I’ve been ok without it.

Real talk, at times tumblr just really stressed me out, in ways I didn’t even fully realize until I left. Like.....I’m currently on S4 of a CXGF rewatch and I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I’m not dissecting it or thinking about what other fans are saying or getting caught up in ship wars and I LOVE IT. And don’t get me wrong, I loved all the analysis and such in the moment, I really really did, but........idk I think it just took a certain amount of ~effort and I always knew it did but I didn’t realize quite how MUCH of my energy I was using. I think fandoms are wonderful and amazing and I have a million positive things to say about them, but I think for me personally, it was just using more of my energy than I really had room for at this stage in my life.

And that’s just FANDOM. Don’t even get me started on current events, etc. that circulate. And I know I could just curate my experience and make my dash the place I want it to be and that’s all well and good but........idk, I think at the end of the day right now I really only have room for a casual commitment to this platform and I’ve never been able to be casual about, um, anything, so just leaving was a better option.

And I’m not saying this is forever either, I literally just logged in and was like OOOOOH WHAT IS GOING ON IN HEREEEEE MAYBE I WILL STICK AROUND. But for the time being, really, I just don’t have the time. For reasons good and bad.

But I’m doing well and I hope you all are too and I love you dearly and stay safe and healthy and happy and well.

(Also I just Don’t Do social media in general??? But if you’re on insta I at least check that regularly so if we are mutuals feel free to reach out and I’ll share my name.)

SENDING ALL KINDS OF LOVE!!!!!!

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amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines · 5 years

Text

Betty//Sunshine

Request: Can I request Betty/reader where the reader has a bad day so Betty comforts reader and it’s just really cute and fluffy? Also, I really love your writing!

“Y/n?” Betty’s voice is filled with concern once she opens the front door.

“Hey.” You mumble and her eyebrow furrows.

“Whats wrong baby?” She asks and ushers you into her house.

“Nothing.” You sigh and flop onto the couch. She quickly joins you and squeezes your hand.

“It doesn’t seem like nothing.” She replies, giving you a pointed look. You sigh loudly and start picking at your nails.

“I’ve just had a bit of a shitty day.” You reply and she sighs.

“What happened?” She asks and wraps an arm around you, pulling you into a hug.

“Well, I was late to work, and then when I got there Andi was being an ass, saying stuff like ‘this is the third time this week Y/n’ and ‘you better start pulling your weight Y/n’ and ‘layoffs are coming up soon Y/n so I’d be careful.’ And so I was like ‘go fuck yourself Andi, you’re only stepping in as assistant manager because everyone knows you’re fucking the boss.’ So then she complained and I got a warning even though it is completely true. Her and Peter are fucking. Then, I ended up spilling coffee all over my damn shirt and it wasn’t even my drink, so I had to go back and get another one, then I got caught in the rain without a jacket or an umbrella. I missed my bus, twice, and then by the time I got home, I realized I locked myself out. So now I’m here.” You explain and she gives you a sympathetic look before squeezing you tightly.

“Its okay baby.” She says, pressing a soft kiss to your head. “Andi’s an ass anyway. Don’t listen to her.”

“I kind of have to though. She is technically my boss.” You sigh and she presses her lips together as she thinks.

“Yeah, well...I suppose.” She shrugs and the two of you sigh. You look at the ground and start to pick at your nails again, while she stares at the side of your face. The miserable expression that’s taken over your usually happy features makes Betty’s heart hurt. She hates seeing you like this, but there’s nothing she can do about the people you work with, except listen to you complain and agree that they are complete asses. Its times like this that she wishes she’d taken up your offer of moving out of Riverdale.

As soon as the two of you graduated, you’d asked her to move away with you. Start a new life in New York or California or something, just as long as you could leave Riverdale and all of its drama behind. But she’d wanted to stay, for her mom, her sister, her niece and nephew and most importantly her friends. And even though you’d been wanting to move away from the small town since you were about 11, you stayed because of her. Getting an office job just outside of Riverdale that kicked your ass five days out of the week and made you miserable as soon as you started there.

“She only makes your life a living hell because she has a stick up her ass.” Betty nudges your side and you smile slightly.

“She has something up her ass but it sure as hell ain’t a stick.” You mumble making her snicker. The two of you sit in silence for a few minutes before you stand up and grab your jacket.

“Where are you going?” She asks, giving you confused look.

“I have a shit-ton of paper work to do. Andi gave me hers and Steph’s because of my ‘attitude’” You explain and Betty swears she can see a bit of you die inside. And thats when she snaps.

“Lets move.” She says, standing up suddenly. You stare at her confused while she stands directly in front of you.

“What?” You blink.

“I’m being serious, lets move. We’ll go to California and we’ll get jobs that we both like and we’ll spend every other day at the beach and we’ll just be happy. We’ll get out of this town that lurks in the shadows and move somewhere where the sun shines all the time.” She talks quickly, her arms moving animatedly while she explains and a bright smile taking over her features. She looks cute, but she also looks crazy.

“Babe.” You place your hands on her shoulders to stop her from moving and she looks at you. “Calm down.” You say slowly and she takes a deep breath. “We can’t possibly move. You didn’t want to.”

“But I do. My mom doesn’t need me, Polly, Juniper and Dagwood moved away and the majority of our friends have also moved on. Its time we did.” She says and you stare at her wide eyed.

“Are you being serious?” You ask and she nods. “Like you actually want to move?”

“Yes.” She replies and hugs you tightly.

“Wait, wait, wait.” You pull away. “Why the sudden change of heart?”

“Because you’re miserable here and its my fault.” She replies, the tone in her voice changing from happy to sad and you sigh.

“Its not your fault baby.” You reply and press a kiss to her cheek. “I chose to stay here because I love you, you didn’t make me.”

“I know, I just. I want to have a life with you. A new start. I plan on marrying you one day and I don’t want to marry you in Riverdale. I want to marry you on a beach in California with our friends and family.”

“Are you proposing to me?” You ask, a smirk on your face and she rolls her eyes.

“Not right this second. I’ve only just asked you to run away with me.” She replies, a teasing tone in her voice.

“You asked me to move away, not run away. We’re not seventeen.”

“Same thing.” She says and sticks her tongue out. “So what do you day baby?” She asks, wrapping her arms around your waist and pulling you close. “Will you move away with me?”

“Yeah. I’d love to.” You smile softly at her and she kissed you deeply. “Thank you for always knowing how to cheer me up.”

“Thank you for always putting me first, even if it does mean you have to work for people like Andi.”

“I’d put up with 100 Andi’s for you.” You reply and she smiles sweetly at you.

“Awww.” She teases. “I’m so excited to start a new chapter with you.”

“Yeahhhh.” You say dreamily. “I can’t wait to tell Andi where she can stick her stupid job.”

“And-and move away with me.” She adds nervously and you nod.

“Yeah, of course.” You say quickly and she chuckles and pushes you lightly.

“You’re an idiot.”

“You’re the one who just asked me to move away with her...so who’s the real idiot?” You ask, giving her a pointed look, to which she just rolls her eyes.

“Still you.” She replies and you huff. “But you’re mine so I suppose I’ll have to deal with it.” She adds and you look at her offended. “Now, lets go pack.”

#betty cooper #betty cooper imagine #betty cooper x reader #betty cooper x you #betty cooper x y/n #riverdale #riverdale imagine

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urlology · 4 years

Text

How Netflix Reinvented HR

https://hbr.org/2014/01/how-netflix-reinvented-hr

Patty McCord

From the January–February 2014 Issue

Sheryl Sandberg has called it one of the most important documents ever to come out of Silicon Valley. It’s been viewed more than 5 million times on the web. But when Reed Hastings and I (along with some colleagues) wrote a PowerPoint deck explaining how we shaped the culture and motivated performance at Netflix, where Hastings is CEO and I was chief talent officer from 1998 to 2012, we had no idea it would go viral. We realized that some of the talent management ideas we’d pioneered, such as the concept that workers should be allowed to take whatever vacation time they feel is appropriate, had been seen as a little crazy (at least until other companies started adopting them). But we were surprised that an unadorned set of 127 slides—no music, no animation—would become so influential.

Netflix culture slide deck

People find the Netflix approach to talent and culture compelling for a few reasons. The most obvious one is that Netflix has been really successful: During 2013 alone its stock more than tripled, it won three Emmy awards, and its U.S. subscriber base grew to nearly 29 million. All that aside, the approach is compelling because it derives from common sense. In this article I’ll go beyond the bullet points to describe five ideas that have defined the way Netflix attracts, retains, and manages talent. But first I’ll share two conversations I had with early employees, both of which helped shape our overall philosophy.

Crafting a Culture of Excellence

The first took place in late 2001. Netflix had been growing quickly: We’d reached about 120 employees and had been planning an IPO. But after the dot-com bubble burst and the 9/11 attacks occurred, things changed. It became clear that we needed to put the IPO on hold and lay off a third of our employees. It was brutal. Then, a bit unexpectedly, DVD players became the hot gift that Christmas. By early 2002 our DVD-by-mail subscription business was growing like crazy. Suddenly we had far more work to do, with 30% fewer employees.

One day I was talking with one of our best engineers, an employee I’ll call John. Before the layoffs, he’d managed three engineers, but now he was a one-man department working very long hours. I told John I hoped to hire some help for him soon. His response surprised me. “There’s no rush—I’m happier now,” he said. It turned out that the engineers we’d laid off weren’t spectacular—they were merely adequate. John realized that he’d spent too much time riding herd on them and fixing their mistakes. “I’ve learned that I’d rather work by myself than with subpar performers,” he said. His words echo in my mind whenever I describe the most basic element of Netflix’s talent philosophy: The best thing you can do for employees—a perk better than foosball or free sushi—is hire only “A” players to work alongside them. Excellent colleagues trump everything else.

The second conversation took place in 2002, a few months after our IPO. Laura, our bookkeeper, was bright, hardworking, and creative. She’d been very important to our early growth, having devised a system for accurately tracking movie rentals so that we could pay the correct royalties. But now, as a public company, we needed CPAs and other fully credentialed, deeply experienced accounting professionals—and Laura had only an associate’s degree from a community college. Despite her work ethic, her track record, and the fact that we all really liked her, her skills were no longer adequate. Some of us talked about jury-rigging a new role for her, but we decided that wouldn’t be right.

So I sat down with Laura and explained the situation—and said that in light of her spectacular service, we would give her a spectacular severance package. I’d braced myself for tears or histrionics, but Laura reacted well: She was sad to be leaving but recognized that the generous severance would let her regroup, retrain, and find a new career path. This incident helped us create the other vital element of our talent management philosophy: If we wanted only “A” players on our team, we had to be willing to let go of people whose skills no longer fit, no matter how valuable their contributions had once been. Out of fairness to such people—and, frankly, to help us overcome our discomfort with discharging them—we learned to offer rich severance packages.

With these two overarching principles in mind, we shaped our approach to talent using the five tenets below.

Hire, Reward, and Tolerate Only Fully Formed Adults

Over the years we learned that if we asked people to rely on logic and common sense instead of on formal policies, most of the time we would get better results, and at lower cost. If you’re careful to hire people who will put the company’s interests first, who understand and support the desire for a high-performance workplace, 97% of your employees will do the right thing. Most companies spend endless time and money writing and enforcing HR policies to deal with problems the other 3% might cause. Instead, we tried really hard to not hire those people, and we let them go if it turned out we’d made a hiring mistake.

Adultlike behavior means talking openly about issues with your boss, your colleagues, and your subordinates. It means recognizing that even in companies with reams of HR policies, those policies are frequently skirted as managers and their reports work out what makes sense on a case-by-case basis.

Let me offer two examples.

When Netflix launched, we had a standard paid-time-off policy: People got 10 vacation days, 10 holidays, and a few sick days. We used an honor system—employees kept track of the days they took off and let their managers know when they’d be out. After we went public, our auditors freaked. They said Sarbanes-Oxley mandated that we account for time off. We considered instituting a formal tracking system. But then Reed asked, “Are companies required to give time off? If not, can’t we just handle it informally and skip the accounting rigmarole?” I did some research and found that, indeed, no California law governed vacation time.

So instead of shifting to a formal system, we went in the opposite direction: Salaried employees were told to take whatever time they felt was appropriate. Bosses and employees were asked to work it out with one another. (Hourly workers in call centers and warehouses were given a more structured policy.) We did provide some guidance. If you worked in accounting or finance, you shouldn’t plan to be out during the beginning or the end of a quarter, because those were busy times. If you wanted 30 days off in a row, you needed to meet with HR. Senior leaders were urged to take vacations and to let people know about them—they were role models for the policy. (Most were happy to comply.) Some people worried about whether the system would be inconsistent—whether some bosses would allow tons of time off while others would be stingy. In general, I worried more about fairness than consistency, because the reality is that in any organization, the highest-performing and most valuable employees get more leeway.

The company’s expense policy is five words long: “Act in Netflix’s best interests.”

We also departed from a formal travel and expense policy and decided to simply require adultlike behavior there, too. The company’s expense policy is five words long: “Act in Netflix’s best interests.” In talking that through with employees, we said we expected them to spend company money frugally, as if it were their own. Eliminating a formal policy and forgoing expense account police shifted responsibility to frontline managers, where it belongs. It also reduced costs: Many large companies still use travel agents (and pay their fees) to book trips, as a way to enforce travel policies. They could save money by letting employees book their own trips online. Like most Netflix managers, I had to have conversations periodically with employees who ate at lavish restaurants (meals that would have been fine for sales or recruiting, but not for eating alone or with a Netflix colleague). We kept an eye on our IT guys, who were prone to buying a lot of gadgets. But overall we found that expense accounts are another area where if you create a clear expectation of responsible behavior, most employees will comply.

Tell the Truth About Performance

Many years ago we eliminated formal reviews. We had held them for a while but came to realize they didn’t make sense—they were too ritualistic and too infrequent. So we asked managers and employees to have conversations about performance as an organic part of their work. In many functions—sales, engineering, product development—it’s fairly obvious how well people are doing. (As companies develop better analytics to measure performance, this becomes even truer.) Building a bureaucracy and elaborate rituals around measuring performance usually doesn’t improve it.

Traditional corporate performance reviews are driven largely by fear of litigation. The theory is that if you want to get rid of someone, you need a paper trail documenting a history of poor achievement. At many companies, low performers are placed on “Performance Improvement Plans.” I detest PIPs. I think they’re fundamentally dishonest: They never accomplish what their name implies.

One Netflix manager requested a PIP for a quality assurance engineer named Maria, who had been hired to help develop our streaming service. The technology was new, and it was evolving very quickly. Maria’s job was to find bugs. She was fast, intuitive, and hardworking. But in time we figured out how to automate the QA tests. Maria didn’t like automation and wasn’t particularly good at it. Her new boss (brought in to create a world-class automation tools team) told me he wanted to start a PIP with her.

I replied, “Why bother? We know how this will play out. You’ll write up objectives and deliverables for her to achieve, which she can’t, because she lacks the skills. Every Wednesday you’ll take time away from your real work to discuss (and document) her shortcomings. You won’t sleep on Tuesday nights, because you’ll know it will be an awful meeting, and the same will be true for her. After a few weeks there will be tears. This will go on for three months. The entire team will know. And at the end you’ll fire her. None of this will make any sense to her, because for five years she’s been consistently rewarded for being great at her job—a job that basically doesn’t exist anymore. Tell me again how Netflix benefits?

“Instead, let’s just tell the truth: Technology has changed, the company has changed, and Maria’s skills no longer apply. This won’t be a surprise to her: She’s been in the trenches, watching the work around her shift. Give her a great severance package—which, when she signs the documents, will dramatically reduce (if not eliminate) the chance of a lawsuit.” In my experience, people can handle anything as long as they’re told the truth—and this proved to be the case with Maria.

When we stopped doing formal performance reviews, we instituted informal 360-degree reviews. We kept them fairly simple: People were asked to identify things that colleagues should stop, start, or continue. In the beginning we used an anonymous software system, but over time we shifted to signed feedback, and many teams held their 360s face-to-face.

HR people can’t believe that a company the size of Netflix doesn’t hold annual reviews. “Are you making this up just to upset us?” they ask. I’m not. If you talk simply and honestly about performance on a regular basis, you can get good results—probably better ones than a company that grades everyone on a five-point scale.

Managers Own the Job of Creating Great Teams

Discussing the military’s performance during the Iraq War, Donald Rumsfeld, the former defense secretary, once famously said, “You go to war with the army you have, not the army you might want or wish to have at a later time.” When I talk to managers about creating great teams, I tell them to approach the process in exactly the opposite way.

In my consulting work, I ask managers to imagine a documentary about what their team is accomplishing six months from now. What specific results do they see? How is the work different from what the team is doing today? Next I ask them to think about the skills needed to make the images in the movie become reality. Nowhere in the early stages of the process do I advise them to think about the team they actually have. Only after they’ve done the work of envisioning the ideal outcome and the skill set necessary to achieve it should they analyze how well their existing team matches what they need.

If you’re in a fast-changing business environment, you’re probably looking at a lot of mismatches. In that case, you need to have honest conversations about letting some team members find a place where their skills are a better fit. You also need to recruit people with the right skills.

We faced the latter challenge at Netflix in a fairly dramatic way as we began to shift from DVDs by mail to a streaming service. We had to store massive volumes of files in the cloud and figure out how huge numbers of people could reliably access them. (By some estimates, up to a third of peak residential internet traffic in the U.S. comes from customers streaming Netflix movies.) So we needed to find people deeply experienced with cloud services who worked for companies that operate on a giant scale—companies like Amazon, eBay, Google, and Facebook, which aren’t the easiest places to hire someone away from.

Our compensation philosophy helped a lot. Most of its principles stem from ideals described earlier: Be honest, and treat people like adults. For instance, during my tenure Netflix didn’t pay performance bonuses, because we believed that they’re unnecessary if you hire the right people. If your employees are fully formed adults who put the company first, an annual bonus won’t make them work harder or smarter. We also believed in market-based pay and would tell employees that it was smart to interview with competitors when they had the chance, in order to get a good sense of the market rate for their talent. Many HR people dislike it when employees talk to recruiters, but I always told employees to take the call, ask how much, and send me the number—it’s valuable information.

In addition, we used equity compensation much differently from the way most companies do. Instead of larding stock options on top of a competitive salary, we let employees choose how much (if any) of their compensation would be in the form of equity. If employees wanted stock options, we reduced their salaries accordingly. We believed that they were sophisticated enough to understand the trade-offs, judge their personal tolerance for risk, and decide what was best for them and their families. We distributed options every month, at a slight discount from the market price. We had no vesting period—the options could be cashed in immediately. Most tech companies have a four-year vesting schedule and try to use options as “golden handcuffs” to aid retention, but we never thought that made sense. If you see a better opportunity elsewhere, you should be allowed to take what you’ve earned and leave. If you no longer want to work with us, we don’t want to hold you hostage.

We continually told managers that building a great team was their most important task. We didn’t measure them on whether they were excellent coaches or mentors or got their paperwork done on time. Great teams accomplish great work, and recruiting the right team was the top priority.

Leaders Own the Job of Creating the Company Culture

After I left Netflix and began consulting, I visited a hot start-up in San Francisco. It had 60 employees in an open loft-style office with a foosball table, two pool tables, and a kitchen, where a chef cooked lunch for the entire staff. As the CEO showed me around, he talked about creating a fun atmosphere. At one point I asked him what the most important value for his company was. He replied, “Efficiency.”

“OK,” I said. “Imagine that I work here, and it’s 2:58 PM. I’m playing an intense game of pool, and I’m winning. I estimate that I can finish the game in five minutes. We have a meeting at 3:00. Should I stay and win the game or cut it short for the meeting?”

“You should finish the game,” he insisted. I wasn’t surprised; like many tech start-ups, this was a casual place, where employees wore hoodies and brought pets to work, and that kind of casualness often extends to punctuality. “Wait a second,” I said. “You told me that efficiency is your most important cultural value. It’s not efficient to delay a meeting and keep coworkers waiting because of a pool game. Isn’t there a mismatch between the values you’re talking up and the behaviors you’re modeling and encouraging?”

When I advise leaders about molding a corporate culture, I tend to see three issues that need attention. This type of mismatch is one. It’s a particular problem at start-ups, where there’s a premium on casualness that can run counter to the high-performance ethos leaders want to create. I often sit in on company meetings to get a sense of how people operate. I frequently see CEOs who are clearly winging it. They lack a real agenda. They’re working from slides that were obviously put together an hour before or were recycled from the previous round of VC meetings. Workers notice these things, and if they see a leader who’s not fully prepared and who relies on charm, IQ, and improvisation, it affects how they perform, too. It’s a waste of time to articulate ideas about values and culture if you don’t model and reward behavior that aligns with those goals.

The second issue has to do with making sure employees understand the levers that drive the business. I recently visited a Texas start-up whose employees were mostly engineers in their twenties. “I bet half the people in this room have never read a P&L,” I said to the CFO. He replied, “It’s true—they’re not financially savvy or business savvy, and our biggest challenge is teaching them how the business works.” Even if you’ve hired people who want to perform well, you need to clearly communicate how the company makes money and what behaviors will drive its success. At Netflix, for instance, employees used to focus too heavily on subscriber growth, without much awareness that our expenses often ran ahead of it: We were spending huge amounts buying DVDs, setting up distribution centers, and ordering original programming, all before we’d collected a cent from our new subscribers. Our employees needed to learn that even though revenue was growing, managing expenses really mattered.

The third issue is something I call the split personality start-up. At tech companies this usually manifests itself as a schism between the engineers and the sales team, but it can take other forms. At Netflix, for instance, I sometimes had to remind people that there were big differences between the salaried professional staff at headquarters and the hourly workers in the call centers. At one point our finance team wanted to shift the whole company to direct-deposit paychecks, and I had to point out that some of our hourly workers didn’t have bank accounts. That’s a small example, but it speaks to a larger point: As leaders build a company culture, they need to be aware of subcultures that might require different management.

Good Talent Managers Think Like Businesspeople and Innovators First, and Like HR People Last

Throughout most of my career I’ve belonged to professional associations of human resources executives. Although I like the people in these groups personally, I often find myself disagreeing with them. Too many devote time to morale improvement initiatives. At some places entire teams focus on getting their firm onto lists of “Best Places to Work” (which, when you dig into the methodologies, are really based just on perks and benefits). At a recent conference I met someone from a company that had appointed a “chief happiness officer”—a concept that makes me slightly sick.

During 30 years in business I’ve never seen an HR initiative that improved morale. HR departments might throw parties and hand out T-shirts, but if the stock price is falling or the company’s products aren’t perceived as successful, the people at those parties will quietly complain—and they’ll use the T-shirts to wash their cars.

Instead of cheerleading, people in my profession should think of themselves as businesspeople. What’s good for the company? How do we communicate that to employees? How can we help every worker understand what we mean by high performance?

Here’s a simple test: If your company has a performance bonus plan, go up to a random employee and ask, “Do you know specifically what you should be doing right now to increase your bonus?” If he or she can’t answer, the HR team isn’t making things as clear as they need to be.

At Netflix I worked with colleagues who were changing the way people consume filmed entertainment, which is an incredibly innovative pursuit—yet when I started there, the expectation was that I would default to mimicking other companies’ best practices (many of them antiquated), which is how almost everyone seems to approach HR. I rejected those constraints. There’s no reason the HR team can’t be innovative too.

A version of this article appeared in the

January–February 2014

issue of Harvard Business Review.

#Business #work

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reading-writing-revolution · 4 years

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Heather Cox Richardson:

July 26, 2020 (Sunday)

Reality is disrupting the ideology of today’s Republican Party.

For a generation, Republicans have tried to unravel the activist government under which Americans have lived since the 1930s, when Democrat Franklin Delano Roosevelt created a government that regulated business, provided a basic social safety net, and invested in infrastructure. From the beginning, that government was enormously popular. Both Republicans and Democrats believed that the principle behind it—that the country worked best when government protected and defended ordinary Americans—was permanent.

But the ideologues who now control the Republican Party have always wanted to get rid of this New Deal state and go back to the world of the 1920s, when businessmen ran the government. They believe that government regulation and taxation is an assault on their liberty, because it restricts their ability to make money.

They have won office not by convincing Americans to give up their own government benefits—most Americans actually like clean water and Social Security and safe bridges—but by selling a narrative in which “Liberals” are trying to undermine the country by stealing the tax dollars of hardworking Americans—quietly understood to be white men—and redistributing them to lazy people who want handouts, not-so-quietly understood to be people of color and feminist women. According to this narrative, legislation that protects ordinary Americans simply redistributes wealth. It is “socialism,” or “communism.”

Meanwhile, Republican policies have actually redistributed wealth upward. When voters began to turn against those policies, Republicans upped the ante, saying that “Liberals” were simply buying Black votes with handouts, or, as Carly Fiorina said in a 2016 debate, planning to butcher babies and sell their body parts. To make sure Republicans stayed in power, they suppressed voting by people likely to vote Democratic, and gerrymandered states so that even if Democrats won a majority of votes, they would have a minority of representatives.

This system rewarded those who moved to the right, not to the middle. It gave them Donald Trump as a 2016 candidate, who talked of Mexican immigrants as criminals and rapists and treated women not as equals but as objects either for sex or derision.

And, although as a candidate Trump talked about making taxes fairer, improving health care, and helping those struggling economically, in fact as president he has done more to bring about the destruction of the New Deal state than most of his predecessors. He has slashed regulations, given a huge tax cut to the wealthy, and gutted the government.

If the end of the New Deal state is going to usher in a new era of peace and prosperity, it should be now.

Instead, the gutting of our government destroyed our carefully constructed pandemic response teams and plans, leaving America vulnerable to the coronavirus. Pressed to take the lead on combatting the virus, the administration refused to use federal power, and instead relied on “public-private partnerships” which meant states were largely on their own. When governors tried to take over, the Republican objection to government regulation, cultivated over a generation, had people refusing to wear masks or follow government instructions.

As the rest of the world watches in horror, we have suffered more than 4 million infections, and are approaching 150,000 deaths.

The pandemic also crashed the economy as businesses shut down to avoid infections. It threw more than 20 million Americans out of work. Republican ideology says the government has no business supporting ordinary Americans: they should work to survive, even if that means they have to take the risk of contracting Covid-19. Schools should open, businesses should get up and going, and the economy should rebuild. As Texas’s lieutenant governor Dan Patrick said to Fox News Channel personality Tucker Carlson in March, grandparents should be willing to contract coronavirus for the U.S. to “get back to work.”

The coronavirus has brought the Republican narrative up against reality. Just 32% of Americans approve of Trump’s handling of the coronavirus, and only 38% of the country think the economy is good. Americans believe that the government should have done a better job managing the pandemic, and they do not believe they should risk their lives for the economy.

To try to deflect attention from the failure of his approach to the coronavirus, Trump is once, again, escalating the narrative. He has launched an offensive against Democratic cities, trying to convince voters he is protecting them from "violent anarchists" coddled by Democrats. He is using federal law enforcement officers in unprecedented ways, not to quell protests, but to escalate them. In Portland, Oregon, as officers have used tear gas, less-than-lethal munitions (which nonetheless fractured a man’s skull), and batons to attack protesters, the events, which had fallen to a few hundred attendees, grew again into the thousands. And now the administration is planning to send in more officers, to escalate further.

The Republicans’ ideology is also making it impossible for them to deal with the economy. We are on the verge of a catastrophe as the $600 weekly federal bonus attached to state unemployment benefits runs out this week just as the moratorium on evictions for an inability to pay rent ends. At the same time, state and local budgets, hammered by the pandemic, will mean more layoffs.

The House passed a $3 trillion bill in May to address these issues, along with providing more money to combat the coronavirus, but Republicans in the Senate rejected it out of hand. Today on CBS’s “Face the Nation,” Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) went back to his ideological roots. “The only objective Democrats have is to defeat Donald Trump, and they've cynically decided the best way to defeat Donald Trump is shut down every business in America, shut down every school in America," he said. House Speaker "Nancy Pelosi talks about working men and women. What she's proposing is keeping working men and women from working." "Her objectives are shoveling cash at the problem and shutting America down.”

Instead, both Trump and Cruz want a payroll tax cut, which will do little to stimulate the economy since the tens of millions who have lost their jobs would not see any money, and this late in the year much of the tax has already been paid. But the payroll tax cut is popular among Republican ideologues because it funds Social Security and Medicare. Cut it, and those programs take a hit.

Today Trump’s chief of staff Mark Meadows and Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin took to the Sunday talk shows to try to reassure people that the Republicans would, in fact, manage to cobble together a relief bill in the next few days (after not writing one in the last two months). They are talking about passing piecemeal measures, but, recognizing that this means Republicans will call all the shots, Pelosi says no.

Meadows and Mnuchin say they want liability protection for businesses and schools if they open and people get Covid-19. They were also clear they would not agree to extending the $600 federal addition to state unemployment benefits, arguing that it simply “paid people to stay home.” They say they want to guarantee people 70% of their wages, but the reason the earlier bill had a flat $600 payment was because it appeared impossible for states to administer a complicated program based on a percentage, so this might well just be a straw argument.

The Republican approach to handling the coronavirus and the economy is apparently not to turn to our government, but to put our heads down, go on as usual, and hope for a vaccine. What will end the pandemic is “not masks. It’s not shutting down the economy," Meadows said. “Hopefully it is American ingenuity that will allow for therapies and vaccines to ultimately conquer this.”

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messwriting · 4 years

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No Peace: A Bruce Banner Series - Part II

Character pairing: Bruce Banner/Reader

Warnings: This is... very long. Still angst, sorry; guilt, bit of anxiety, hurt and sadness. Unexpected break up and dealing with it while you still love said person. Taking care of depressed people while you’re not feeling good. Drinking in the dark.

Synopsis: You’re dealing with a breakup you never expected, right when you thought your relationship were thriving. Your thoughts keep going to Bruce - did you missed the signs this was coming? have you not seen that he had fallen out of love with you? In the end, you're trying to find a little peace.

Note: Look, this part stayed dormant in my drafts because i’m not happy with it but apparently it can’t come any better, so sorry in advance guys. This is for the lovely anon who asked about the following parts when I kinda had leaved this series be. I’m working on a third part, so let’s hope I finish this soon enough and we can stop hurting for baby Bruce. If you find any additional triggers, please don’t hesitate to tell me. The title was already there so I didn’t change, it’s this song by Sam Smith (it doesn’t match much of the fic, but I love her).

[Part I]

Part II - Baby, you make me crazy.

A week later and you feel a little better - you have a routine in your day, your work is tiring and demanding and although you didn’t arrive on time any day this week, you stayed late and felt better working while the others were gone. Your mind keeps flying to Bruce, but you've exhausted all the tears you could have and now you just feel bad. Your heart still tightens, you still worry about him and the guilt is still a heavy feeling in your chest, but the days continue to pass and for the first time that continuity, that constant progress is something that you not only appreciate but welcomes. It makes you feel like there’s progress in your day, even if your routine was still the same. You feel the familiar feeling of being well - it's faint, but it's there.

You are collecting some reports and preparing to file the printed copies in the archives you keep in case of an emergency, and JARVIS's voice breaks through your office causing you to flinch and drop a few folders.

"I'm sorry Miss L/N, I didn't mean to startle you." You are already collecting the folders and waving your hand to indicate that there were no problems, although technically JARVIS was the AI of the building and was not exactly seeing you or considering the dismissal.

"It's fine. I wasn’t really paying attention." You say as you get up with the folders again on your arm. You keep walking to the archive because the AI can follow you anywhere.

"Mister Stark is requesting your presence his lab." It informs and you stop in your stride for a moment before continuing to walk to the archives.

"His lab?" Your voice is a little alarmed, but there is no one around to hear.

"Yes." It confirms and your surprise and alarm merge into caution. Stark is not known for being too careful in sensitive situations and you're afraid he'll use some ruse to get you and Bruce together.

"Is... Is Dr. Banner there?" You get a little breathless from anxiety and your voice fails. Of course JARVIS does not notice per se and only responds in his quiet and even voice.

"No, Miss. Dr. Banner is currently at his own lab."

Despite your chest feeling lighter, at the same time a little bit of worry start planting itself in your mind. You arch an eyebrow and look up even if you're talking with the ceiling. "Is he going to show up at Tony's lab while I'm there?"

"Mr. Stark has only requested you." Considering it's Tony, that should not calm you as much as it does. Especially considering the fact that this should not be good. Tony doesn’t usually call anyone to his lab. Your mind immediately starts working and you think of a number of reasons why he might call you there but for some reason all revolve around your possible dismissal and although you start to feel the onset of your anxiety, it triggers a certain relief on the back of your mind that tells you that it might be for the better. You know it's not really how you feel, but the thought still rolls around your mind.

You leave the reports on the desk of the responsible for the registration and organization of archives and he scans the barcode in front of the folders before you go. You pick up your bag on the way to the elevator and feel a certain emptiness added to a strange calm settle within you; there is no need to listen to the too many options your mind offers you. You're a damn good employee, coordinating one of the research units. If Tony really decides to lay you off, which doesn’t seem likely, you won’t be unemployed for long. And if it's not a layoff, well, Tony isn’t a predictable man, and it's that truth that makes you move down the necessary path without really thinking. The prospect of being dismissed leaves you disappointed, but it is not even the feeling it should be. This actually scares you a bit, numbness is not a common feeling to you. But then you're at the door and JARVIS let you in. Tony is tinkering with some things on the table, several holographic screens open around, rock music exploding through the room and you feel lost amidst all things happening at the same time. You notice that there is still a panel on the other side of the room where the news is passing.

You do not know if he realizes that you are there among all things going on in the space, but his voice interrupts the announcement of your arrival.

"I have received an application indicating that you’ll move out of the Tower? You know you don’t have to leave here just because of what happened between you and Bruce." He keeps tinkering around, without turning to you, with what appears to be a carcass from one of the legs of one of the Iron Mans - whether he's building or fixing, you do not know. His tone is pleasant, if a little loud.

"I know. I just... need a little distance." You're not really ready to open your feelings to your Boss. Tony may be friends with Bruce and you both had a fair amount of contact out of the work environment because of that, but he's still just someone you know but has no intimacy. You remain with answers that you would give to anyone else who asked you why you are deciding to leave, even though Tony explains that there is no need for you to leave the Stark Industries personal space and that you can rearrange your schedule if that help to believe that you could ignore the labs or even choose not to work on cases that might lead you and Bruce to meet professionally if that’s the way you choose to deal with the situation. You nod to his back and inform him that it’s just a matter of imposing a little separation between your work and personal life because clearly they are very close to each other. It seems to shut Tony up for a moment and then:

"I understand." He turns the chair and looks at you as he speaks. It makes you a little nervous, Tony is very observant and you don’t like the scrutiny, but he quickly shifts the focus to one side of his lab and his eyes meets one of the holographic screens. "I just need you to do something for me first." He slides the chair closer to the screen and you approach.

"If I can." Clearly you have not thought enough before you utter those words and they come out in a light, calm tone that contrasts with the way you start worrying right away about the possibilities Tony can throw at you.

"Jarvis." Tony talks and the holographic screen completely changes. The blue disappears gradually at the edges in order to show you a screen captured from what appears to be a security camera. Around there are several other variants of information, one of which catches your eye because weirdly enough you know that cadence - it's Bruce's heartbeat.

"Is Bruce's that... lab?" Your voice comes out in a sigh with most of your breath. The camera shows Bruce moving around several holographic screens and a computer on an interactive desk. He's scribbling things with a brutal pace, the pen flying on paper and then he's spinning and typing with the same vicious will. After all, you recognize the messy hair of anxiety moments and the beard of a few days that’s already established - he has been there for some time.

"Yes. I got him to take a shower and eat something actually nutritive but then he got back to his lab and..." Tony's voice comes from your side and you realize how close you’d come to the holographic screen and how you’re leaning to see better as if you want to absorb all the details. A wave of heat flutters in your face from shame, but Tony does not seem to be paying attention or at least decides not to pay attention to that. From the small smile he seems to hide behind the indifferent facade, you know you're wrong about the two options.

"What do you want of me?" The heat on your face adds to the discomfort of being reminded how Bruce is dealing with his choice. Guilt comes back with renewed force now that you have clear images of him sinking into work. Your stomach seems to wrap and your shoulders weigh; you try to control the battle of emotions by starting inside you with small deep breaths, air through your nose and blowing through your mouth. Somehow you want to help, but logically you are not the most appropriate person for this.

“He asked Jarvis to block me and pretty much the rest of the team from accessing his lab. He has not blocked you." Tony's voice cuts off your moment of self-pity, but you just stare at him as if what he said haven’t made sense, because it really does not. When you speak again, however, your voice is much more direct and firm; crossing your arms above your breasts for good measure in appearing more serious than you feel.

"Where are you going with this, Tony?"

"You need to talk to him." He claims it as if it were the simplest thing in the world. You have a moment of bewilderment in stupefied silence. Then you let it all come out in a hurried and angry speech.

" What? You read his letter! He does not want to talk to me. He didn’t even wanted to see me."

"He doesn’t want you to confront him. That's not what I'm asking." He explains to you as if it were the most easy thing to understand. Completely normal. Nothing more. The condescending tone fires your anger.

"No, you're asking me to go there and repress every single one of my feelings while pleading for him to...? What? Take care of himself?" Maybe your voice has risen in volume and you are walking around like an angry person. Perhaps. Deep down, you're panicking that you might have to talk to Bruce. Especially since you know that if there is any chance that this will help him and remove him from that damn lab, the guilt for not doing so will eat you alive much more than the pain of looking at him when the wound is still so fresh.

"You and I both know that if this got out of hand we could get a code green." That stop with all your flow of thought. You stop right in the middle of your pacing to turn and look at Tony with a sour expression, like he just threw something very unfair in the mix, because that 's exactly what he did. Between the distress in your feelings, you manage to retort with a fairly breathy voice.

"And we also know that he wouldn’t let things get that far."

"Really?" Tony gets up from the chair and the noise it makes sliding across the floor makes you retreat in surprise. But his tone is not merciful. "’Cause right now he's been there for four days. It’s not healthy. I will not be able to control him."

And you can’t argue with that. Your guilt flows through every pore of your body again, and your throat closes with the ailment that it would be because of you, even if you haven’t done anything - but maybe that's the problem, isn’t it? You try to look more controlled and your hands come to the front of your body to offer yourself some comfort.

"Why do you think he would even let me in?" It's barely a whisper and it probably shows more hope than it should.

"Your name isn’t blocked." Of course, it's a logical answer, but it's not really the one you're looking for and it hurts you in a way you did not anticipate. You don’t want logic, you want something that makes you feel more needed and that will cool down your guilt and anxiety in some way. Even if you're not sure there’s something that can actually do that. You just... need something more. Something to hold on to.

"Maybe he trusted that I would maintain the distance he requested." Anger for not finding comfort shows in your speech.

"And maybe he expects you wouldn't. But that's a whole other argument. Just... He'll listen to you. He'll feel he owns you that much " And that's what makes you break inside. Tony seems tired between needing to worry about himself, about the world and now about Bruce. You know he wants to help but you feel hurt by his words and your first instinct is to hurt back.

"Sure, cause guilt tripping him is definitely a great plan of action."

"Y/n." Tony leaves a long sigh, and you take the little moment of silence to imitate him and try to reign over your emotions again. It isn’t healthy to live on this roller coaster of emotions. When he speak again, his voice is more friendly and alluring, almost understanding. "All I'm asking is for you to drop by and try to lure him out of that lab cave of his. If he doesn’t leave, okay, I'll see what else I can do; if he does, then I won’t have to up my game for a possible hulk out. The way I see it, it's a simple maybe win and win situation." Somehow that cracks a smile on you. It's short and not very deep, but it's nice to feel the tension you're harboring start to disappear. You still worry though, and it escapes through your lips before you can catch yourself.

"What if he does not even open the door for me?" You really don’t know what you're expecting from Tony. He is clearly not the most sensitive or reasonable person to deal with feelings. He doesn’t stand in between being careful of your feelings and still getting you to go and help his friend. He’s straightforward and clear and you hate him a little for that, because he tells you the logical words that are certainly not the ones you want to hear.

"Then you leave."

All the way down the elevator you are re-evaluating your life choices. Why did it have to be you? You already have too many problems to deal with yourself, you really didn’t expect that having to worry about Bruce would get into your list. That somehow reaffirms your need for distancing yourself from the Tower. You'll never get over it that way; he also wont achieve the peace and whatever he sought with the breakup. It makes no sense for you to impose on his life when it’s already clear that you have no future there. The thought that you were friends long before the relationship blooms in your mind and you see how much loss that can mean to Bruce and of course the thought makes you feel obligated to help him, a long sigh slipping through your lips. Oh man. Your brain really don’t want to help you.

Seeing how fighting with yourself isn’t helping, you try to stop the critical flow of whys and considerations and what more; you're happy that you don’t have to do it for long because you've reached the labs’ floor and the distance is short to the metal door of the space where Bruce works.

For some time you can’t talk. If you do, then it's out there and you can not take back if; you'll have to go all the way to the end and you do not know if you're ready for that responsibility. It's one thing to deal with your heartbreak. Can you deal with Bruce's guilt? Can you make him feel better about it when you're not even sure you're okay? You take a deep breath; well, time to find out.

"Bruce?" Your voice is barely a whisper, but it flows out of your mouth with good enough certainty. The silence stretches and you consider that maybe him didn’t catched that while immersed in work, so you press on . "It's me. Y/n." Your voice seems more pleading and you kind of hate it but there is more silence and it hurts. You're surprised because you didn’t really prepare yourself for that. Get him to get out of the lab for a bit? Sure, you got that. It meant talking to him, get him to leave, have a shower and eat some food before sleeping. Not even getting him to answer while calling on his door? You didn’t truly consider the possibility and the burn in your eyes imitated the one in your chest. At the same time, you couldn’t just leave things that way. So you swallowed hard and tried a friendly voice instead of letting your sadness show.

"I'm not here to fight, Bruce. I just... was around?" Man, you're an awful liar. You hit your forehead against the metal door and the small noise still makes you flinch. You focus on continuing to breathe as you speak through a tight throat. "I was checking some things.” Man, you're really, really bad liar. You just about quit and sigh while making the last torturous attempt. "I just wanted to see if you were okay." It's a small whisper escaping through your lips while your forehead's still against the cold metal. The cold and hard feeling grounds you. JARVIS voice startles you and you let out a small squeal.

"The door is open, Miss L/N."

When you enter the lab, you are surprised to find the place reasonably messy. It's nothing out of the ordinary when he goes long hours working. There are many papers around, including crumpled on the floor and open packs of some snacks and power bars near, but not inside the bin. Bottled water bottles and gatorades upon some strategic places on the table. But Bruce's mess is organized. Everything stays where his office is; the laboratory where he does the experiments is after a set of glass doors with hygienic and safety equipment and the space inside is perfectly clean and organized.

You risk a short look at the black leather sofa that Tony had bought to the place when Bruce moved there because of the long hours that were customary to the scientist, but he’s the only thing that seems untouched. It makes you feel bad he's having trouble sleeping - his sleep’s already so short and light on regular days; you just have an idea about how awful it must be in anxiety ridden ones.

Bruce is next to one of the holographic screens and computer, he seems worried and anxious, his hands restless in front of his lab coat as if he didn’t know what to do. Their eyes are wide and startled, a little panicked and the hint of something you could only guess as sorrow. You avoid looking at his eyes after the way your chest constricted at the view of his tired frame and hurt expression.

"Y/n, I..." You can already feel the pleading in his tone and you can’t hear the begging for you to leave - it would break you. So you cut him.

"I'm not here to fight, Bruce." You actually raise both your hands in rendition in hopes it makes him feel more at ease. It hurts you that it actually does. But then again, every single thing is hurting you right now. From the way his hands fumble in front of him in anxiety, to the way his eyes cast downwards when you look at his face; from the place you are, you take a step backwards. Your skin is pricking in goosebumps because your chest feels like it's ripped - you truly don’t know how there's no tears or deep calming breaths through this whole exchange.

But you give in to the necessity of placating his fears and try to smile at him. "I just - you know I had Jarvis put on a sign for when you stay too much in the lab." It was so long ago you surprised yourself in remembering this. You weren’t even together yet, it was a way of checking on him when he loosed himself in his science. It wasn’t a problem, but you didn’t want him to feel like you were doing it out of some weird sense of duty or obligation, even if it had a bit of it in the mix. "I'm just checking on you."

"I... I thought you had disabled it." He does not seem to mind it much, just a small confused expression.

"I did now. But I guess it was for the best, huh?" You try to lighten the mood and the corners of his lips actually goes up. You feel your lips doing the same. The silence stretches, but it's not bad, it's just... weird. You look around like you have not completely absorbed the space the second you entered and when you speak it's a soft murmur.

"Have you eaten?"

"I... yes, some chips... earlier." Bruce seems... troubled. Reluctant in looking at you and instead focusing on his hands. When he notices the behavior he casually shoves his hands on his coat pockets and tries to look at you, even if it's the smallest second.

"So, no." You try to make him feel at ease while maintaining some distance and not looking directly to his face. Scrutiny makes him anxious. Then again, maybe you're doing it for yourself. It pains you less if you don’t look at him so close.

"I'm okay... I just have a lot of work. I'm close to something here." It sounds pleading. Like he's offering a small plea that you don’t press on other matters. Like he's hoping you believe him. You actually do. There is no way he isn’t while drowning in work with that mess and numerous holographic information going on. It doesn’t mean its okay, though.

"I know, I get it... But you can take breaks, you know?" You try and stay playful in hopes he'll be more receptive of your offerings. "Eat and sleep and..." You dare a small breath in and jokingly frown. "I've heard showers are great too."

That actually makes him flinch and his face turns to red in embarrassment. It shows on your face right away it was not what you meant but the damage is done. Bruce murmurs a small apology and you almost ask forgiveness for the joke. Somehow you don’t think that dragging it will be any good, so you just change the subject all together.

"So what do you say... I order some miso soup from that place you like... It being here by the time you're out of the bath... Then a nice, actual bed instead of crashing on your chair?" You try to sound nice and uncompromised, just a suggestion and not you trying to lure him out of his lab for a bit.

He actually exhales a long breath. His shoulders turning down like he just started to feel the exhaustion setting inside his bones. His eyes close to the smallest of moments and when they open he is already dropping the tablet that were on his hand on the top of the table and giving tentative steps in your direction.

"Sounds... good, really."

You wait while he take his time in getting out of the lab. He tells JARVIS to save everything and the lights on the holographic screen blinks and then proceeds to be turned down. Everything slowly starts to fade and by the time Bruce's out of the door it's all turned off and dark. You let him pass through the door first and do not look up when he passes you close enough you could reach him. You just focus on slowly breathing, small intakes of air and then exhales; pretending you don’t feel the urge to wrap him in your arms and ask forgiveness for whatever it was that you did for him end things, like it isn’t physically hurting you to be so close and yet so distant to him; like you aren’t still completely in love with him.

You walk in silence to the elevator and before you are even close to their doors, JARVIS already opened them for him. Bruce's dragging his feet and looking down all the way, even his shoulders downcast, but it must be tiredness. He gets in the elevator and notices you have long stopped following him. It's then he finally looks at your face.

"Everything is ready for you. I'll order the soup. Go take a nice shower." You say and nods like Jarvis would see it and then take Bruce to his floor. You don’t know if he did it though, because the doors start to close at the same time. Bruce's lips open like he want to say something but stays silent. His eyes are open like he's scared, but then he's gone behind metal doors.

Your next steps are inane. You tell JARVIS to make sure Bruce gets inside his place and order the miso soup he likes and ask for it to be there in twenty minutes, with due additional. It kinda warms your heart when the AI answers he'll make sure someone takes it to his place. You don’t know if he should be alone right now. Not for the heartbreak... more for fear he’ll pass out without eating or something like that. It wouldn’t be a first.

You feel lost and for some time you just stop there, waiting for the elevator doors to open again. When they do, your heart still falls when it comes empty even if you were not expecting anything - it would not make sense for you to do. When you get in you feel constricted inside the metal box. It makes no sense, but his presence feels too close - it was not even the elevator he used! You're losing your mind.

When the elevator does not move, you look at it’s ceiling like it will give you answers. When they obviously do not, you just sigh. You consider your options - go home and feel completely overwhelmed with everything that just happened while worrying if Bruce really got to sleep and eat or find a way to slow your mind down, maybe get blurry and even better - completely drown everything out, all night.

You feel a lot better with a plan. "Administration floor, please, Jarvis."

"There's nothing open on that floor, Miss. Are you positive?"

"Yes."

When you get down to the administration levels, which are around the twenty-something floor, everything is slightly dark - only the corridor lights are on and the offices are all closed and somber, done for the day. You don’t even know what time it is, and you don’t care. In the end of the corridor, by the corner, there is a true hidden gem of the Stark Industries.

You know the bar was originally some kind of fancy coffee when Stark was still famous for other things than being a man in a suit of armor and his staff were closing deals in and out with people from everywhere. It must have been a nice place to sit down and have a talk while negotiating a few millions purchase back in the day. There is not one light on in the bar, but there's no need with those amazing windows and the bright city lights. You push the door and it's surprised when it doesn’t even bulge. You didn’t think the places there would get truly locked, just turn the lights off and close the door, like most offices. This time, when JARVIS voice shows up, you are not surprised.

"Miss L/N, you do not have access to this area in out of service hours."

"I thought everything was open to use in the Tower."

"This place will be open from 8h30 a.m. to 8h00 p.m."

"Not good enough." You murmur and search for your phone in your pockets. Finding it, you're a quick message for Tony. Regardless of the place, he can grant you access. "Give me access to the bar on the administration floor. Do not ask." You send. The answer comes in a few seconds when JARVIS voice’s heard again the same time as the click of the door being unlocked echoes down the hall. "Access granted to Miss L/N."

Opening the doors to that place always amazed you. You couldn’t decide if it was the huge windows with the most beautiful view of the city you had ever seen, the sentimentality for it being the first place you had been in the Tower even when you were new in the city or how the space made you feel comfortable in such a strange and hectic place; or even if it was the attractive smell of flowers and the suggestion of leather, that no matter what time you arrived, used to circle the space. The place was decorated in earthy, professional tones, wooden tables and comfortable, padded chairs. It should be good to be used for all purposes - ranging from a negotiation to a lunch break. And the view... captivated you every time.

The bar was just after the door, after a small step. The counter was incredible and imposing, a great array of countless drinks that you bet on as being tasteful. You were not exactly a fan of alcohol; a wine was always welcome, an occasional liquor or even whiskey, but it was in punctual moments and a glass of wine in stressful weeks, not exactly a regular occurrence in your life - except for the last.

But the best part was the panoramic view of the city offered by the glass walls of the Stark building. You made your way to the marble counter and peered through the open bottles until you found something that looked strong and smelled good, risking a glance at the glass but having no idea what it truly were besides a whiskey. Picking up a glass from the counter, you walked over to the sofa in front of the open view next to the bar, but sat on the floor and leaned your back on it as you relished. Your mind finally seemed to calm down a bit and you poured the drink in the cup, risking a long gulp and coughing because of the strength and ardor. Oh yeah, that was a one-way ticket to a night without dwelling on heartbreak. Just a ungracious blackout on your bed - you'd figure out how to get there later.

You have no idea how long it’s been or what you’ve been doing when you notice the bright red hair of the woman standing close to the wall. You cough in the middle of drinking and your hand flows to your chest in a defensive motion. Your lungs burn with the liquid and your eyes fill with unshed tears and you cough a few swears by the pain. Natasha’s by the pillar, looking at you with unreadable eyes in the dark. She looks amazing with the city lights framing her profile and you look down to your feet with warmth in both your face as your belly. You say is the booze.

"Wow, you really have the whole spy thingy on point. I could have spilled my ..." You actually stop and look at your cup. It's a deep brown liquid that burns when you drink it on one go. You can not really recognize the taste through the burning in your throat. "...whatever this is."

"I try." The redhead says and actually snatch the bottle at your side, on the one step, and pours herself a cup on the bar counter. Your mind feels the right amount of dizzy, that great, short-lived point where things seem to be slow but they're going fast and you can barely focus on anything more than a few seconds and when you do stuff, sometimes you don’t remember. The best drunk point. You just hope it lasts.

The bright lights out the enormous glass walls are so enticing you stay quiet just looking at them for a while. Even when Natasha comes back and sits cross-legged on your side, returning the bottle to her rightful place and nurturing her cup of whatever, you stay looking at the city. It's funny how life has that sense of progression when you do it. Like if life is truly going on, but you're frozen - you really can not see what would be in the next step for you.

"Do you ever... can’t see your future?" You ask and Natasha actually looks at you with a small humorous smile gracing her seemingly natural red lips. You feel your body heating but it's the booze and shame, that you know. You snort ungraciously at her and take a small sip of your drink to try and put your thoughts in order. "I mean, the next step." There's a beat of silence before you keep on going. "Normally I have it all laid out, like: Gonna keep on working and get to whatever in charge position I can get. Finish my post-doctorate. Try to visit my parents on the next weekend. You know, the future." You're slurring and motioning with your head while both your hands hold your cup because it feels light on your numb hands.

"Seems to me you still have some guidelines." She muses in that tone she has. You blink.

"But... I can’t see it. I can’t see myself doing it with the same passion anymore. I... planed those things with an endgame, y'know. What's the endgame now?" There's a long silence and you complete forgets what you were thinking while slowly sipping from your cup and looking at the city. The places are starting to close and some lights are being turned down, and even so everything seems so illuminated. Everywhere you look it's bright as if it's pulsing. Even the darkened bar where you're sited on the floor seems so clear in the light-cast shadows. You don’t really know when it is that you decide to descend your head into Natasha's laps like if it were the most common thing and not something that could get you killed in a few seconds if she so wished. Apparently drunk you is needy and stupidly brave. You're down with it, though; her lap is soft even if her legs are hard muscle and your eyes are starting to feel so heavy.

"...It can always be you ."

"What?" You try and slur it out through your slow brain. You barely remember what she said in the first place.

"Your endgame. Can be simple you."

Your eyes open for an slight second and you hum on her lap. Natasha feels warm and you curl the best you can around her. "Nice."

#bruce banner #Dr Bruce Banner #bruce banner imagine #bruce banner fic #The Hulk #the hulk imagine #avengers imagine #no peace series #bruce x reader #bruce banner x reader #bruce banner hc #natasha romanoff #she's feated in this #i am NOT happy with this but it just won't get better so i'm sorry #i hope people who read this still like it

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