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#vasilisa ranskahova murdock
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Hi! Could you write no. 42 and 98 with mattimir please? I have a soft spot for that ship
Ask and ye shall receive, my dear!
I divided these up into two posts so here’s prompt one and here’s prompt two!
42. “It’s 5 a.m. and I haven’t had my coffee yet. Anything I say or do cannot be held against me.”
I hope you don’t mind, but I went for Domestic au soon after Vasya’s been adopted for this one.
“You look like shit,” Vladimir stated simply from his spot on the living room couch, watching as Matt entered the room, hair a mess and eyes bleary from sleep. Truthfully, he thought the other man was kind of cute like this...
Matt just grunted in reply and yawned loudly. “Coffee?”
But only in appearance. Matt’s morning attitude left much to be desired. Matt was not a morning person really. Not much of an alive person before ten in the morning in all actuality, which made it very easy for Vladimir to mess with him.
Vladimir pointed to the kitchen but made no move to stand. “In kitchen.”
He couldn’t help but smirk as Matt scowled in his direction; Vladimir had not made coffee yet and truly, that was the worst offense of the day so far. Though, Matt did doubt anything else could top it.
“Vladimir. It is five a.m. and I haven’t had my coffee yet. Anything I say or do cannot be held against me.” Matt paused for a moment. “In fact, if I punch you, it could be considered a crime of passion more than anything else in a court of law.”
Vladimir hummed in thought. “American legal system is weird.” 
“Vladimir.”
It only took a few moments before Vladimir was choking on a laugh, making it come out more as a snort than anything, and heading to the kitchen. As he walked past Matt he playfully nudged the younger man’s shoulder. “You are a demanding bitch.”
Matt didn’t reply verbally, just narrowed his eyes in a glare and scowled at Vladimir’s retreating back as he followed.
Within moments Vladimir had the coffee pot brewing fresh coffee. “Want food too?” He asked, already pulling ingredients to make blini, bacon, and eggs out of their respective spots in the kitchen. 
Once more, Matt only grunted in reply as he sat down at the table. He yawned as he listened to the familiar sounds of Vladimir beginning breakfast and the coffee maker brewing. Soon enough, the comforting smell and warmth of a mug of coffee was being set directly in front of him and the smell of bacon cooking wafted through the air.
“Mm…” Matt breathed out, downing a huge gulp of the coffee and welcoming the scalding pain on his tongue and the back of his throat. It woke him up a little bit... but only the teensiest of amounts.
“How are you so…” Matt trailed off as he searched for the right word to say in regards to Vladimir’s early morning attitude. 
Vladimir liked his sleep. A lot. Somehow though, he managed to always be awake and lively in the mornings. Well most mornings anyway.
Matt took a smaller gulp of his coffee, this time wincing at the heat, and snapped his fingers. “Alive. How are you so alive and awake this early in the morning?” He tilted his head slightly as he heard a familiar rustling from further down the hall, signaling that their daughter was now awake.
Vladimir shrugged as he placed the food onto three plates. “Unlike you, super hero man, Vasochka and I sleep at normal time.”
Matt groaned and set his mug down so he could rub at his eyes. “She was playing with her dolls when I came in at three this morning and didn’t stop playing until four. How do you sleep through that? She giggles the whole time.”
Vladimir snorted. “I get used to it?” He placed one plate in front of Matt and placed a smaller, pink plastic, plate between his spot and Matt’s. 
Almost as if on cue, a bleary eyed child came walking down the hall, hand loosely holding onto Zvezdochka’s collar and hair so messy it rivaled Matt’s own. The dog was taller than the child and endlessly patient with her.
“Dobroye utro, ptichka,” Vladimir said as he scooped the toddler up and placed her in her chair. 
Matt didn’t even try to fight back the grin that quickly spread across his face as their daughter began babbling in a mixture of the three languages she knew.
“I guess getting almost no sleep isn’t the worst thing,” Matt said, tickling the two year old slightly and grinning when she just giggled louder. Matt picked up his coffee mug and took a sip before letting out a deep, content sigh. “You make my coffee better than I do.” 
Vladimir nodded. “Practice.”
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ao3feed-daredevil · 3 years
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If You Ever Come Back
read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3z96OQh
by IrisofParadise
Vladimir and Matt were young, dumb, and in love when they started their relationship. And just as young and dumb when it ended in a flash. But eleven years later and the two are forced to re-meet in the most uncanny of circumstances.
Or, a Parent Trap au because why not.
Words: 6130, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English
Fandoms: Daredevil (TV)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories: F/M
Characters: Matt Murdock, Vladimir Ranksahov
Relationships: Matt Murdock/Vladimir Ranskahov
Additional Tags: OC children - Freeform, Mälikä Ranskahova, Vasilisa Murdock, Inspired by The Parent Trap (1998), Parent Trap AU
read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3z96OQh
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@gangstertogangster​ so since we’re on a glee kick for the OCs, I figure now is about as good a time as any just to have more things that totally get said during domestic au lines.
Yelena: Veruchka that isn't how babies happen. Nika: Uh huh! You and mama are both girls and you have me! Yelena, eyes widening, sweats: ... Nika: Hey how did that happen anyway? Where do babies come from? Yelena, driving faster: Ask your mother. Nika: But you are my mother? Yelena: Ask your other mother! ~oOo~ Michael: Look, alcohol is an answer to any problem. It’s not always the best answer but it is an answer. So pass me my wine or not even God himself will be able to save you, Raphael! ~oOo~ Vasya: Nah, my Aunt Shauna loves Olive Garden. They have better bread. Michael: What’s wrong with my restaurant?! It’s authentic Italian! The real deal! Vasya: It isn’t Olive Garden’s. Duh. ~oOo~ Nika: Hey guys, do you mind if I ritualistically slaughter this chicken? Peyton, jaw dropped: Uh... yeah a bit. This is the stage where we’re, you know, about to have a musical practice. Not... make chicken nuggets. ~oOo~ Vasya: That bitch is crazy! He had me kidnapped! Adrian, looks away: ...  Alexei: Ohmygod... ~oOo~ Jack: Papa, where do babies come from? Vladimir: ... Russia and Spain. Matt: That is not- Vladimir: My babies came from Russia and Spain, Matvey! Matt: Well if you want to get technical! Jack was born in Hell’s Kitchen! You idiot! ~oOo~ Mariah: Oh, Misty. Lucille is just... such a delightful child... Misty: Thank you, Mariah. I just... adore Honor... Danny & Shades, both sighing: ... ~oOo~ Matt: What's wrong?! Why are you bleeding?! Vasya, crying: I think I have internal bleeding! Matt: Oh honey. Internal means it's on the inside. Vladimir, smacking the back of Matt's head: Asshole. ~oOo~ Lucille: Breathe in. Now breathe out. Breathe in. ... Jack. Dani. Wake up. Vasya: They don't like meditating very much. Jack, snoring: ... Danielle, snoring: ... ~oOo~ Karen: You taught her how to treat a hemorrhage but not a period?! Matt: I didn't think it was important?! ~oOo~ Taka: I’m like the Malcolm X of our community! ~oOo~ Jack: Hey Siri, what was it like being poor and Asian? Marie: Terrible from what I’ve heard from my grandma. Peyton: Well, the mangoes aren’t as good in America. ~oOo~ Toly: I love fencing. I get to make new friends then stab them. ~oOo~ Vasya: I think I'm dying! Matt: Honey we're all dying. Vladimir, smacks Matt on the back of the head: What is your fucking problem tonight?! ~oOo~ Ravdí: Peyton, when you asked us to choreograph a dance number for this musical, you did not say that it was for Maddie’s zombie love story. Peyton: Yeah! Isn’t it a great idea?! Maddie’s story makes for a great musical and with you and Vas making a dance, I think this will be a big hit! Vasya, staring at Jamie: ... uh huh. Got this.... Ravdí: ... fiiine. We’re choreographing a dance number for zombies in love. Let’s go, Vas. ~oOo~ Bucky, wearing galaxy print yoga pants: Look my pants are out of this world so shove it. Vladimir: ... damn that was good. High five, Yakov. ~oOo~ Honor: Richard, I can taste your axe body spray. Get off of me! ~oOo~ Vasya: Well a drunk Stalin called me and told me that if I wanted Russia, he’d just give it to me! Matt: ... we need new Sunday dinner topics... Shauna: Ooh! I got one! Vladimir! You smell like melted cheese! Jack, whispering to Toly: You owe me five bucks. Eight minutes in and they’re screaming at each other. Matt, sighing: This is fine... Anatoly: I have vodka. Do you want some? ~oOo~ Yelena: If that boy so much as touches her I am destroying him. Natasha: I've already thought of ways we can hide his body. Yelena: I love you so much. ~oOo~ Michael: Both of my girls could kick my ass without even blinking and I find it unbelievably amazing. ~oOo~ Brad: Ooh authentic Chinese food! Diane: It's not Chinese, it's Asian! André: ... ya'll bitches be trippin'. ~oOo~ Richard: So I talked to your sister about who's the boss on this group project. Jack: Uh huh. How'd that go exactly? Who's in charge on your project? Richard: ... it's still unclear. Jack: Right. My sister is in charge, isn't she? Richard, sighing: I can't tell her no. ~oOo~ Maddie: ... why is there a live bear in the house? Marci: What? ... Ahhh! Bear! ~oOo~ Vladimir, saluting lazily: Aye aye captain. Yelena, ugly snort laughs: Shut up Vova. ~oOo~ Bucky: So how's that Eurofest thing going? Vladimir, pausing: ... you mean Eurovision? Bucky, snapping his fingers: Yep! That's it. ... don't look at me like that. I was closer that time than I was earlier. Vladimir: ... this. Is true. I don't even know what you said earlier. ~oOo~ Toly: Hey, Al? Alexei: Yeah? Toly: What was that? Alexei: An icecream commercial. Toly: No the fuck it wasn’t! Don’t you lie to me! ~oOo~ Jack: So you love my sister? Michael: Sí, more than air. Why? Jack: Would you be willing to take a bullet for her? Michael: ... yes? Why? Jack: I'll see you at the pier later tonight, Moretti. ~oOo~ Alexei: Man if one more person tells me that I am appropriating my own got dang culture Imma beat someone's ass. ~oOo~ Richard: I can't believe you said that! If you weren't a lady, I'd deck you! Vasya: You try and I'll have you on your back so fast you'll think you're out on a date! ~oOo~ Raphael: Wait, wait, wait! Hold on. You’re dumping me? For him? Nika, rolling her eyes: No, I’m dumping you, period. And then I’m gonna be with him. Period. If... that’s okay with him, question mark. Francis: Totally. Exclamation point. Raphael: Oh puke. Parenthesis, bold, underline. Michael, holding Smolya: Snort laughing. ... period. Raphael: Why are you even here? Michael: This is my apartment! ~oOo~ Yelena, after explaining a plan: It’s brilliant, right? Vladimir: Not brilliant at all. Yelena: Thanks for being on board. Vladimir: No. Not on board. Yelena: It means a lot. Vladimir: Big mistake. Very big mistake. Yelena: This will be wonderful! Vladimir: We are going to die slow, painful deaths. ~oOo~ Yelena: You get them! Vladimir: No you go get them! Natasha: What is going on out here? Yelena: We thought- Vladimir: Ah! No! There was no 'we'! Yelena: Shut up! We thought that the girls needed some life lessons... Vladimir: It was Lena's idea. Matt: Don't you dare tell me that Vasya and Nika, who are small toddlers may I add, are somewhere up there on that 100 foot tall building! Yelena: Okay, we won't. Vladimir: ... again, her idea. ~oOo~ Vasya: Fuck you! Dimitri: Later. Now shut up. I was talking. ~oOo~ Jack: I want to kill those guys! Vladimir: No! Matt: What a shocking turn of events... Vladimir: I don’t want you to bloody your beautiful hands! I will do it! ~oOo~ Vladimir: Oh congrats! You’ve made my seven year old look like a whore! Shauna: I think she looks great! Vasya: I think I want a leather jacket and combat boots now! Matt, groaning: Our seven year old is joining the mafia! ~oOo~ Rikki: I am a chapstick lesbian- is that the proper term for this? Because I’m not a lipstick lesbian, I’m definitely not femme, but I’m not entirely butch either? So I think I identify as a chaptstick les- screw it. I identify as chapstick! Just chapstick! Darla: What kind of chaptstick though? Sasha: Is it cherry? Because I see you as a cherry. ~oOo~ Marie: I’m like a Little Ceaser’s Pizza. Always hot and ready to go. Jack: Oh my god... Peyton: You’re gross. And I hate you. ~oOo~ Alexei: Toly’s a crackhead. Toly: I am not! I’m a motha fucking ganster! Alexei: See? Smokes crack. Andrey: I’m seeing myself out of this argument. ~oOo~ Yelena: All these screaming babies and yelling mothers and angry dads and annoying teenagers. They make me want to shoot up this mall. Nika: You cannot say that in public! Yelena: Why not?! It’s my second amendment right to shoot up a shopping center! Nika: NO! ~oOo~ Darla: I’m not much into BDSM. If I wanted to be whipped and chained up I’d just go back in time. ~oOo~ Peyton: Oh my sweet, poor, Japanese cherry blossom... Taka: Thank you. ~oOo~ Michael: This person wants us to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to them?! What?! Rahphael, snorts: That’s not happening. What do they think this is? Applebees?! ~oOo~ Peyton: It annoys me so much when people come here asking if we have a table and then get so offended when we don’t have them because of incoming reservations. Jamie: Honestly! What do they think this is?! Applebees?! We are a five star establishment! ~oOo~ Anatoly: You three better eat these pierogies! I didn’t starve in Utkin for you to deny yourselves food! Alexei, Toly, and Andrey, sighing: Yes, sir... ~oOo~ Bucky: You are a whole ass menace to society! Yelena: I will live. ~oOo~ Wesley: ... I’ve lost Maya. Fisk: Again, Wesley? Wesley, sighing: Unfortunately. ~oOo~ Lucy: I fear nothing. Not even god. Dani, Vasya, and Honor, watching her drink a smoothie: You’re disgusting. Jack: Can I have some of your smoothie? ~oOo~ Daisy: Being an inhuman is genetic. Vladimir: She gets this from your side of the family, Matthew! Daisy: But... you two adopt- Matt: I know. Don’t ask. Go with it. ~oOo~ Ian: Ugh, what do I take for hangovers? Darla: How horribly caucasian. Marie, snorts: Ha! Darla: Well isn’t it?! Marie, shrugging: I don’t know. I get the Asian flush so I take medicine before drinking. ~oOo~ Vladimir: I wonder what she’s going to buy... Matt: I wonder where she got the money... Jack: Vasi’s buying a bag of pepperoni! ~oOo~ Shauna: Look, we all know Toly won’t get into Harvard otherwise- Toly: What if I don’t want to go to Harvard?! Shauna: Ugh fine! Yale then! Toly: But mom- Shauna: Harvard or Yale Anatoly Jr! ~oOo~ Vasya: At least you all woke up in a bed! I woke up in the garbage! Jack: Okay. But. That’s nothing new. Nika, elbows him: Don’t be rude. ~oOo~ Sasha: I was in the dumpster! The dumpster! Rikki: My mom is blue! Darla: So I can see that this is a very stressful time for you both... ~oOo~ Dani: Lucy’s gonna be a minute. Vasya: Did she wake up in the trash too? Dani: No, she woke up half Asian. Lucy’s having a full blown identity crisis. ~oOo~ Vladimir: Your house is full! Full of sadness and emptiness! Yelena: Alright first off, you’re rude. Second, you’re a hoarder! ~oOo~ Sam: We don’t need this! Bucky: Sam, need and want are two different things. ~oOo~ Matt: I may not have vision but at least I have taste! ~oOo~ Vladimir: Ooh! For realsky?! Vasya: For suresky! ~oOo~ Anatoly: No son of mine is going to listen to shitty rap about doing cocaine! Alexei, thinking to himself: Please don’t tell mom... Anatoly: And Alexei Anatolyevitch! I am telling! Your mother! Alexei: Noooo!!!! ~oOo~ Therapist: Mr. Murdock, I think that Ms. Natchios may be one of your triggers. Matt: Please! I don’t have triggers! I am fine! Vladimir, snorts and coughs to cover it up: Okay. Elektra: Suuure you are Matthew. Matt: I will throw this chair at you, I swear to God! Don’t test me! ~oOo~ Shauna, lunging for Wesley: Augh! I can’t take it anymore! Vladimir, watching her punch Wesley: Shauna has earned my respect. Matt: It only took you five years to give it to her... ~oOo~ Jack: I’m so American that my favorite food is a McDonald’s cheeseburger! ~oOo~ Vladimir: If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you?! Vasya: I dunno! Maybe if they invited me! Matt, slowly rubs his temples: ... I have a headache now... ~oOo~ Yelena: I drive like I have nothing to live for. Which I don’t really. Vladimir: Remind me to never drive near you with my children in the car. Natasha: And remind me to drive Nika around from now on. ~oOo~ Rikki: What do Asian parents beat their kids with? Francis: I don’t know. Textbooks? Ian: Rulers with F’s written on them? Jack: Slippers? Marie, glaring: I’m judging you all harshly. Jack: But are we wrong?! Marie: They feed us! Francis: Well that’s not a punishment. Marie: It is if you don’t like the thing they’re making you eat. ~oOo~ Vladimir: Has anyone seen my son?! He’s about yay tall! Clearly gay! But we haven’t had the talk yet! ~oOo~ Yelena: SHOW ME LOVE! SHOW ME LOVE! Nika: Mom... what is going on? Natasha, stirring her coffee: Oh just the usual amount of bullshit I deal with on a daily basis due to your other mother. ~oOo~ Maddie: I’m supposed to be in class. Ravdí: It’s okay, I’m supposed to be at work. ~oOo~ Darla: Oh what do I know?! Only what’s best for you! Rikki: I’m self destructive. Darla: I was just kidding. Rikki: I wasn’t. ~oOo~ Anatoly: How’s your dad’s restaurant doing? Alex: Very well. Alexei: Grandpa deletes bad reviews off his facebook so it only has five star reviews. He sees two stars, delete! Five star, it stays. Alex: He needs to fix the roof. Anatoly: ... what’s wrong with the roof? Alex: It’s old. Alexei: It leaks. Alex: The AC needs to be fixed too. Anatoly: What’s wrong with the AC? Alex: It’s old. Alexei: It’s broken. Shauna: ... I love your dad’s restaurant! ~oOo~ Vasya: Does anyone know if the damage control shampoo works on PTSD? Adrian: What about emotions? Asking for a friend. ~oOo~ Yelena: Oh god it’s missing! Natasha: What is? Yelena: The... the thing! Natasha, turning to face Yelena with baby Nika in her arms: What ‘thing’, Lenosha? Yelena, sighing in relief: Oh thank god, you found it. Natasha: ... you mean our daughter?! ~oOo~ Francis: A four letter word starting with ‘c’. Go! Rikki: Cock! Jack: Cunt! Rikki: Ooh! Nice one. Vasya: ... mine is corn. Nika: Well that’s adorable. Darla: Cute. ~oOo~ Vladimir: So it’s just a girls night? Vasya: Yeah, we’re just going to see a movie, grab a bite to eat, talk to the dead, and, if we have time, try to commit arson. Vladimir: Okay, have fun and don’t come back too late! Matt: ... after all that you just let her leave?! She said she’s going to commit arson, Vladimir! Vladimir: No, she said they’re going to try! They have to talk to the dead first, Matthew! ~oOo~ Matt, on the phone with Brett: Yeah, hey, if you get a call about a fire, can you give me a call? No reason. ~oOo~ Ravdí: Hey! I waterboarded myself! ~oOo~ Honor: This is a three day vacation! Lucy: Where are we supposed to be sleeping?! Richard: Well I just assumed you two would be inside each other. Jack, spits his drink out: ... ~oOo~ Vasya: So I met this girl at this coffee shop this morning- Honor: Oh no... No no no no. Vasi. You will not come out of this alive. Vasya: Uh... excuse me? Honor: She’s clearly a cannibal. Have you looked at yourself? You’re clearly an easy target. You’re a ballerina and very well marbled. If I were stuck on a deserted island with no food, I would absolutely eat you first. Literally everyone just stares: ... ~oOo~ AJ, the highschool art teacher, very clearly drunk: Listening to Brad talk is like listening to a horny bear claw into a chalkboard. I’m not pleased. Matt: ... well neither am I with that in mind. Shauna: I’m going to throw up. Bucky: God I love PTA meetings! ~oOo~ Honor: Gay kid! Alexei, blinks a lot: ... Honor: Asian girl! Marie: ... Marie. It’s not a hard name. Honor: Asian girl two! Peyton, inhaling deeply: ... she’s a kid. Breathe... Honor: Panda Express! Jamie: ... I swear to god... Honor: Weird twins! Rikki and Darla, blink and roll their eyes: ... Honor: Creepy incest twins! Jack and Vasya: ... we are not- Richard: Okay! So theater club meeting is in session now! ~oOo~ Ravdí: Sloppy babies! You’re all sloppy babies! Dani: Maybe we shouldn’t be calling the freshmen that. And give them encouraging words of wisdom instead? Ravdí: No! They keep dropping their flags! Again, babies! ~oOo~ Richard: Aren’t most of you gay? Honor: How dare you! ~oOo~ Ravdí: I’m sorry. All this time I’ve been treating you like an unpaid intern. When what I should have been doing is treating you like a paid intern. ~oOo~ Jack: Buenos dias, fuckboy! Ian, screaming shrilly: ... ~oOo~ Alexei: We’re all going to die someday. Well. Some of us. Toly: If you figure out immortality you have to share. Alexei: Uh. No. You’re annoying. Andrey: Will you share with me? Alexei: Maybe. ~oOo~ Alexei: Let’s come together! Like Voltron! Andrey: I’m the leg! Toly, rolling his eyes, softly but with feeling: ... fiiine. Losers. ~oOo~ Jack: I wrote this song for my sister! Vasya, closing her eyes, softly but with feeling: Ohgodno... Jack: I wrote this song to tell her that I’m always by her side! Even when we fight! Vladimir & Matt: Aww! ~oOo~ Andrey: Sometimes I feel like Ugolyok films me while in the shower and is waiting to sell the videos on Craigslist. Toly: ... what is wrong with you...? Alexei: ... I... uh... kay. ~oOo~ Lucy and Honor, trapped in an elevator, staring at a creepy puppet on a bike: ... What the ... hell... The puppet: Hello, girls. Let’s play a game. Lucy and Honor, banging on the door: Get us out of here! ~oOo~ Dani: You’re not letting them out of the elevator, are you? Richard: Nope. Not until they confess their feelings. Vasya: This is maniacal... I like this plan. Jack: You are all. So fucked up. ~oOo~ Maddie: I’m going to start projectile vomiting any second now... ~oOo~ The Principal of the highschool: I say we release the hounds into the school. Nick, the highschool science teacher, eyes wide: Let us not do that. AJ, the highschool art teacher: I think it might build character and therefore I veto Nick. ~oOo~ Ravdí, screaming as she runs down the hall: Why are there so many dogs in the hallways?! Vasya: This is the opposite of a problem! Francis: I love them all! Nika, climbing up the lockers, and hissing: Leave me alone! Unless you’re planning on eating my math homework! ~oOo~ Vasya: I will stop at nothing until you are homeless and drinking gutter water. Richard: Ouch. You’re rude.
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A day in the life of the ocs as they celebrate the winter holidays! A tad late but there may be more to add to it later.
Playlist: // Last Christmas // Something About December // Hanukkah Oh Hanukkah // Christmas Eve With You // All I Want For Christmas Is You // Holiday With You // 
@gangstertogangster
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Jamie & Michael & Vasya ot3: You Are the Trouble I’m In
Morning was Michael’s favorite time of the day. He loved waking up with Jamie snuggled up with her back to him, hair cascading over his throat and chest. Vasya snuggled up on his chest.
And once he finally managed to slip out of the bed, he loved when the smell of coffee would wake his loves up. Both would enter the kitchen bleary eyed and hair a right mess.
Every morning he fell in love all over again.
Playlist:
Trouble I’m In by Twinbed
Don’t Trust Myself by Robinson
Take It Slowly by Garrett Kato
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Domestic AU:
Just Pack It All Away In One Suitcase
Kind of a continuation of continuation of The Aftermath of Calamity but Vasya dealing with her trauma this time. Inspired by the poems ‘victim or survivor’, ‘victim or survivor ii’, and ‘i have settled on both’ by Amanda Lovelace. 
~oOo~
She hasn’t danced in well over a year and for a dancer that’s a lifetime. The studio looks just as it did before she left for Moscow two years ago and she feels just the slightest tinge of pleasure form in her chest before her light goes out. This studio had once felt like a second home to her as she and Marie had spent so much time there since they were small children but now it felt as foreign to her as everything else in her life currently did. And Vasya is sure that her feet will feel the pain of her decision to dance later but at the moment, she can’t force herself to care. No pain would ever equal what she’d been through the past year and a half of her life. 
She pulls her ballet flats from her dance bag, kicks off her converse and peeled off her socks, then tosses them along with her dance bag to the floor. Vasya takes a deep breath and holds it as she tugs the flats almost awkwardly onto her feet.
She exhales. Bites her bottom lip sharply and unzips the hoodie she’d stolen from her brother and drops it onto her bag. Pulls her cellphone from the bag and goes to her music. Hits play on her ‘Dance’ playlist. 
These baby pink flats aren’t her pointe shoes and so they don’t feel correct. She wondered for a moment if she would ever be able to go back to dancing en pointe again. She isn’t wearing her thin black tights, black wrap skirt, or maroon leotard. An outfit that once would have been her go to for practice. Instead she wore thicker black leggings and a dark gray long-sleeved shirt. 
With shaky hands Vasya pulls her hair up into a bun.
‘Perfect,’ she thinks. She looks like herself again. But her reflection is missing something and just what exactly, she can’t tell.
Then it hits her and she feels absolutely ridiculous. All of the pictures at home have her smiling. So she forces a smile onto her face then cringes. It doesn’t look right. It doesn’t feel right. It looks and makes her feel as though she’s playing pretend. With a sigh she turns her back to the mirrors and sits on the floor to begin her stretch routine that she hadn’t been able to do since Moscow, before St. Petersburg, before him.
‘Am I victim? That feels terrible to say.’ She thinks to herself, wincing as she stretches. ‘A survivor? That doesn’t taste right in my mouth either.’
She stands and gets into first position, more awkward than she had ever felt while dancing. Slipping into first position had once come so easily to her, as natural as breathing.
‘Victim,’ she decides as she sees her reflection. Then purses her lips and does a pirouette slowly. Perfectly. 
She blinked owlishly at her reflection, a small smile tugging gently at the corners of her mouth. 
‘Survivor.’
She does it again, first position still feeling unnatural to her, and her foot slips ever so slightly. ‘Wrong! Victim?’ She thinks, frowning. Shakes her head to make the thoughts go away. ‘Survivor!’
She breathes heavy for a moment and stares down a her feet. ‘What’s the difference anyway?’ She thinks to herself. ‘And where do I fall? Victim... or survivor?’
She stands straight and slides back into first position. Then slowly changes to perform an assemblé. She tries not to think about him but she lands wrong and hits the floor hard. It makes her angry and she can’t help but lash out by slamming the side of her fist onto the hard floor, imagining that it’s his face she’s hitting. 
‘Victim! That’s all I am! That’s what he’s made me!’ She thinks, wincing and holding her now stinging hand to her chest. This had once been so easy for her! She hated him.
She blinks quick to stop the flow of tears before they can truly ever begin. Thinking about Dimitri was always such a hurricane of emotions for her with her tears being the rain and her heart thundering in her chest. He had taken everything from her; her life, school, Moscow, dance!
She stands shakily and takes a deep breath, looking at her reflection. ‘No.’ She gets into first position, easier the fourth time around. ‘Survivor!’
Vasya exhales slowly, keeps her right foot flat and slips almost clumsily into an attitude position with her left leg bent behind her. It hurts as she holds the position. She drops her left leg, doesn’t care that she isn’t doing it correctly, and slides into second position. Performs an échappé. Lands in fifth position. Wrong. She can’t land right anymore.
She scowls down at her feet as if to blame them for not working properly. 
She does it again. Slips and nearly trips over her feet as she lands. So again and this time lands properly. 
Vasya slides to first position. Second. Third. Fourth. Fifth. Watches herself in the mirror and wants to scream because it’s not right; she forgot to position her arms properly.
Again.
First. Second. Third. Fourth. Fifth.
‘Victim. Survivor. Victim. Survivor. Victim.’
She spins and does a perfect pirouette.
‘Survivor.’
A grand jeté where she lands on her knees painfully. She screams loudly, shrilly, and jumps back to her feet, the fire in her blood flickering dangerously.
‘Victim!’ She tells herself. ‘Nothing but a victim!’
She performs a piqué quickly. Lands it perfectly. ‘I’m a survivor!’ 
Pirouette again. Jeté. Temp levé. Stumble over her feet. 
“No!” She screams angrily. But her mind tells her once more, ‘Victim.’
Moves that were just so easy and flowed from her so effortlessly now seemed so impossible to her. It was overwhelming for her. 
“No!” A fast pirouette that was unbalanced. “No!” Landing in fourth position. Quickly turning to fifth. A clumsy jeté. “No!” Unbalanced pirouette. A pas de chat where she could hardly get three inches above the ground and even that made her ankles ache in the most ridiculous way once she landed. 
She performs a series of piqué turns rapidly, toes facing out to the side and not in front of her, with her arms in second position too far to the left side, also not in front of her, and closing too soon into first position. With each spin she thinks, ‘Victim! Survivor! Victim! Survivor!’
She thinks about being drugged in Moscow. Drugged in St. Petersburg. Fighting. Getting hit right back. She thinks about Dimitri. About the baby that Jack was babysitting. About Adrian. And chokes on a sob that she doesn’t even realize she let out. 
She crashes to the floor loudly and with no grace whatsoever and when she looks up her breath catches in her throat as she sees her reflection. 
Hair falling out of her once perfect bun, so unlike when she was a child and her papa would pull it up for her or a year and a half ago when she would do it at the theatre in Moscow. Back then her hair was always so perfect. 
Eyes pink and puffy and tears trekking down her red cheeks and she wonders when she’d begun to cry.
Victim and survivor, neither word feels right to her. Right now, she kind of hates them. 
Her love for ballet had once radiated through each move in every performance in the past. Each move had been perfect and precise, light and airy, and she had always felt as though she were flying like a little bird. Now… well, now it wasn’t airy at all. Gone are the light moves, replaced with force and showing how angry and fierce and ready to fight she is. Her dancing shows her pain. She definitely wasn’t dancing like a bird anymore. 
No, victim and survivor, neither of those fit her. Not really anyway. But… ‘Both,’ she thinks, wiping the tears from her face. “I’m a fighter,” she breathes out in a steady voice, telling herself sternly as if willing herself to believe it. She stares at her reflection and narrows her eyes with a newfound type of determination. “It doesn’t matter how hard you hit the floor. Get back up.” As she says it to herself she can hear her dad’s voice echoing in her mind. 
And she gets back up into first position.
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Domestic AU:
Vasya’s weekend in Kazan.
A/N: Had a little bit of free time today and was inspired so this happened. 
I imagine for this that Mälikä and Vasya are speaking Russian. Vasya still hasn’t fully learned Tatar, just the basics. I feel like this is what she’d post if she had instagram.
“I was thinking about us going to Pushechnyy Dvor,” Mälikä explained happily as she led the way. “It’s one of my favorite restaurants. Because it’s kind of shitty.”
Vasya grinned. “That makes sense.” And it did; being from New York, Vasya had her fair share of shitty restaurants that she loved to frequent. Sometimes you just had to have the nastiest pizza imaginable or the sloppiest Chinese fast food you could find.
Mälikä flushed slightly. “I mean...” she trailed off. Coughed to clear her throat and shrugged in mild embarassment. “Some of the desserts are homemade. Those are the best. It’s all I get really because sometimes the actual food makes me feel like I’m going to be sick.” She flushed a deeper pink than her baby pink hijab and felt the urge to cover her face. Making her favorite restaurant sound appealing while also being certain not to get her sister’s hopes outrageously high was proving to be difficult.
But Vasya was only half listening. She was far too entranced by the sights around her. The architecture and bright colors of some of the buildings just fascinated her in a way that she didn’t know how to put words to.
She had been to Kazan before of course. The first two years of her life before being adopted. Then the time when she was fourteen and had snuck away from home. Though this, well this was just different. She was there with her sister and allowed to be. She was wandering the streets without an adult because this time she was an adult. She didn’t have her parents with her this time and it made her feel homesick for New York, her parents, her brother and friends. Jamie and Michael.
With that thought her heart fluttered nervously in her chest and she forced her anxiety away with much effort, turned her attention to her younger half sister who was still happily babbling away.
Mälikä giggled, face still a light pink. “Like, it’s not bad necessarily. It’s just not the best. And some of the food doesn’t taste that great,” she waved her hand and hummed in thought. She wasn’t doing a very good job of defending the restaurant but she didn’t want to get her sister’s hopes up too high.
Vasya thought it was cute. She and her sister were a lot alike in habit.
“Are we going to the mosque finally?” Vasya asked with a warm grin.
Three years ago Mälikä hadn’t had the chance to take her to the Qolşärif Mosque and it had been a place that the younger girl was excited to show off to her sister. And with Vasya’s question asked, Mälikä very excitedly nodded.
As they entered the building there was a cloakroom where Mälikä began to shrug off her jacket and hang it up. Vasya quickly followed suit, then trailed after the other girl upstairs toward the second floor. Mälikä led the way to a table that had a small vase of bright flowers in the center. Within a few moments they were placing their orders, Mälikä asking for tea and Vasya asking for a coffee. They decided they would split their dessert, a decent decent amount of çäkçäk. Vasya made a soft little ‘ooh’ noise as their server placed the plate in front of them and said with only a hint of an accent, “Räkmät!”
The server smiled. “Isan bul!”
Vasya took a picture of the çäkçäk as Mälikä  nodded her head in approval.
“You’re getting better at Tatar!” She said, impressed by her sister.
Vasya hummed in pleasure as she took her first bite of the çäkçäk. It was definitely delicious, Mälikä hadn’t been wrong about that. But it wasn’t nearly even half as good as her Dyadenka Tolya’s.
The two began to eat their treat, conversation flowing between them easily. They usually chatted online a couple times every other week at the very least so they knew about most things going on in the other’s life.
Vasya laughed softly as Mälikä complained about being put into another dance class. Her mother was constantly wanting for Mälikä to truly put forth effort in learning traditional Tatar dances. Something that Mälikä couldn’t force herself to really care about even if she were paid. Vasya on the other hand was very interested in the subject, much to the shock of literally no one.
Mälikä hummed in thought as Vasya told her about being in the Bolshoi ballet. Gave her sister a sympathetic smile as Vasya sheepishly admitted to being very homesick and ready for holidays so that she could go back home.
Once finished eating they paid and left for Qolşärif Mosque.
Vasya stared in wide eyed wonder as she took in the huge building. Beautiful, gleaming white walls with the most beautiful shade of blue for the roof.
Mälikä grinned and threw an arm over her sister’s shoulders, knocking the elder girl’s equilibrium off slightly in surprise. “Pretty, isn’t it?”
Vasya nodded. “Absolutely stunning,” she breathed out.
Not for the first time, Vasya wondered what her life would have been like had she not been adopted. Would she have gone to this mosque with Mälikä and their father?
Mälikä took Vasya by the hand and led her into the mosque. They toed their shoes off and Mälikä led the way up a staircase so that Vasya could look down and see the whole floor of the mosque.
Vasya glanced up and was once again at a loss for words as she took in the beautiful ceiling. White, golds, and blues decorated the ceiling in intricate patterns. The light coming in through the stained glass windows was just as beautiful as the rest of the building. She took out her phone to capture the moment in picture, excited at being able to tell her parents and Jack about her weekend trip to Kazan.
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Later that night, Vasya happily responded to her brother and cousin but rolled her eyes and decided to just skip over Richard’s comment as it was the norm for him to make such comments on her posts. Her happy smile began to fade as she saw the notifications stating that PadThaiQueen and vivalamoretti had liked her pictures. Neither commented. Just as they hadn’t for the past month.
Against her will a sigh escaped her mouth and she decided that maybe it’d be best if she just went to sleep now.
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I have been inspired lately to get back into writing. I took a long break, longer than I wanted to, because of a lot going on in my life. But I’ve just written three new one shots!
Okay only one is actually finished but in my defense the second one is almost finished and the third one is .... long. So ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
But since I’m back into writing now (finally) I’m working on expanding Domestic AU more now.
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The OCs: Vasya Ranskahova-Murdock
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Full Name: Vasilisa Vladimirovna Ranskahova-Murdock
Nicknames: Vasya/Vasi/Vas (from Jack) Vasya/Vassa/Vasochka/Ptichka (and many others from Vladimir), Vasi (from Matt), Bella/Passerotta (from Michael), and  Yaa yǐi (from Jamie). Typically her friends and family always call her Vasya or Vasi.
Emojis: 👑⚖️🍨⛸🇷🇺
Birthday: November 21st.
Place of Birth: She was born in Kazan, Tatarstan.
Sexuality: Polyamorous asexual bisexual
Misc:
- Her parents, Röstäm and Tanya, were twenty-four and twenty-one when they had her unplanned and couldn’t handle a baby at the time. After much talking they decide it’d be best for the baby to put her up for adoption.They had plans to get married but after putting their baby up for adoption, they break up.
Tanya is half Russian-half Tatar and was in school to be a nurse and stays single as a traveling nurse. Röstäm becomes a technician and later marries  Adelä and the two have one child who is a year and a half younger than Vasya named  Mälikä.
Tanya finds out that she’s an inhuman with healing abilities when exposed to terrigen mist and she wonders if her daughter is the same as her. Vasya is and is fifteen when she herself goes through terrigenesis. 
- Vasya is born Märyäm.  When Matt and Vladimir adopt her she’s beginning to babble a bit in both Tatar and Russian. The first five words she learns in English are ‘dildo’, ‘daddy’, ‘magic’, ‘no’, and ‘peanut’.
- She begins doing ballet when she’s six years old because at four she saw her Aunt Natasha, Auntie Lena, and Dyadenka Tolya all showing off their ballet skills and trying to out pirouette each other . She thought it looked like a lot of fun and asked to be taught ‘how to spin like a fairy princess’.
Vladimir and Matt allow her to join a ballet class once she’s seven years old. 
This is how she meets Marie. They’re in the same class when they’re seven and Marie begins talking smack. Vasya decks her right in the face. It’s the start of a beautiful friendship between Vasya and Marie and Vasya and Peyton.
- Vladimir teaches her a few songs on the piano when she’s nine. Her favorite is Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. She never takes lessons and can’t play very well.
- When she’s fifteen she begins ice skating because “It’s sort of almost like ballet but with knives on my feet!” Vladimir just about fell out laughing while Matt, “Of course that’s why you like it.”
- Vladimir does her hair in a bun for ballet even when she’s a teenager. Matt goes shopping with her to buy her things for ballet and later ice skating.
- She had a kids crush on Piotr and Aunt Marci for the longest time.
- Matt taught her and Jack how to punch correctly when they were small children. His reasoning being, “The point of punching someone is that you want them to get hurt, not you.”
Vasilisa sometimes goes to Fogwell’s when she really needs to blow off steam but prefers going to the ice rink. After Dimitri, Matt and Vladimir found her there more often than the ballet studio or ice rink.
- For Vasya’s, Jamie’s, and Michael’s first date together, Vasya brings them to Fogwell’s. When Jamie asked what they were going to be doing Vasilisa pointed to the ring and said, “Well, you two are gonna get your butts in that ring and then Imma kick em.”
- In her kindergarten class for Father’s Day, when she and Jack made cards for Matt they took macaroni and glued it to the paper to spell out ‘World’s bestest daddy!’ since they didn’t quite fully understand just how braille worked.
Matt cried the happiest of tears as he ran his fingers over the macaroni letters.
- She, Jack, and Nika were all in the same kindergarten class and had to spell out their full names. Jack began crying. Nika glared at the teacher with angry tears and yelled, “You’re a communist bitch!” And Vasya threw her pencil at the floor and yelled, “And a dirty fascist bastard!”
Yelena, Natasha, Vladimir, and Matt laughed so hard once they left the principal’s office with their child(ren)
- Her favorite fairy tales include The Firebird and Princess Vasilsa, Tsarevna Frog, and East of the Sun, West of the Moon. Her favorite Disney princess is Tiana.
- As a small child she really liked frogs and kissed quite a few in hopes that one would turn into a prince. Not because she wanted to be a princess but so she could be rich and live in a palace.
- Anatoly bought Vasya and Jack a book full of Russian fairytales while Vladimir bought her and Jack a book of many fairy tales when they were children.
-  When she was two Vladimir and Matt had to fight with her to take her pacifier away. She really couldn’t stand not having it.
- When she was four she had a really horrible habit of chewing on the ends of her hair. It would drive Matt and Vladimir crazy.
-She’s three when Jack is adopted and for the first few months she didn’t like having to share her parents at all.
They share a room and end up becoming super close the older they get. Many say their relationship is unhealthily co-dependent. They both cry when she’s at the airport about to leave to study abroad in Russia.
-Vladimir calls her ‘little bird’ and Michael calls her ‘little sparrow’ because she loves birds. As a kid she loved watching the pigeons fly around and when she begins doing ballet she sometimes feels like she can fly too.
- When she’s fifteen she plays the firebird in her ballet class spring performance. She practiced non-stop and couldn’t stop smiling for days after the performance.
- Jamie calls her ‘darling’ in Thai and only occasionally in English.
- Vladimir once forgot to pick her up from ballet practice and Jack from soccer because he found puppies for sale when they were seven.
The dogs are Lina, Laika, Joan, and Thurgood; a Siberian husky, an East Siberian Laika, a bolonko, and a Caucasian shepherd. Vladimir named Lina and Laika and made a deal with Matt that he could name the other two if he could please keep the dogs.
(”You can name two of them!” “No.” “But Matyusha!” “N. O. No.” “Damn, Matvey! I wish you enjoyed sucking my dick as much as you enjoy sucking the fun out of my life!” “Why are you such a four year old?!” “Please!” “Fine! Shit.”)
Matt names them Joan, after Saint Joan of Arc, and Thurgood, after Thurgood Marshall.
- Lina likes to curl up on Vasya’s feet while Joan lays up on the pillows right next to Vasya’s head. Thurgood sleeps curled up on the foot of Jack’s bed while Laika likes to lay right next to Jack.
- Her favorite subjects in school are government and history.
- Her comfort foods include Jamie’s home made sticky rice with bananas, Michael’s home made ravioli, Vladimir’s ptichye moloko, and ice-cream. Matt made mac-n-cheese too much and she’s not overly fond of it anymore. Matt says, “You are no child of mine.”
- She dates Nika for a couple of months but it doesn’t last very long. It’s a mutual break up but they pretend the other broke their heart so that Yelena/Vladimir will give them chicken nuggets/ice-cream.
Matt and Natasha were so onto them both but didn’t say a word to Vladimir or Yelena..
- Richard tries to ask her out but gets turned down much to the joy of Vanessa, Wilson, Vladimir, and Matt. 
He never blames her and both just go on with their lives and he keeps his crush on her to himself. She’s oblivious and doesn’t notice. Everyone else just pities him and tries to set him up on other dates. The dates never end well.
- Ian and Vasilisa surprisingly get along pretty well so when Ian and Maddie begin dating they both go to Vasya to talk about any problems or what have you to her. She feels stuck in the middle when the two are in an argument and has to tell them to just get over themselves.
- Jamie, Michael, and Vasya end up officially dating near the end of her senior year of high school.
Vladimir can’t stand Michael and would pay to shoot him. Michael rolls his eyes and calls him ‘Mrs. Ranskaho’ many times and says, “Don’t be jealous that some of us can run the mafia better.
Vasilisa snickered the first time that Jamie and Michael had dinner over because, “Wow. Girls really do end up marrying their dad’s in a way. Jamie is in school to be a lawyer like Daddy and Michael runs the mafia like Papa did.”
Matt and Vladimir were unamused while Jack had to leave the room because he started laughing so hard.
- She, Dani, and Lucy have totally had a girl’s night of being vigilante heroes much like this. Matt, Vladimir, Luke, Jessica, Misty, and Danny knew even though the girls think they didn’t.
All three of these girls know how to fight and defend themselves and their parents all know that they go out to fight because their daughters are horrible secret keepers.
- As a child she loved going to Nelson and Murdock and playing in Matt’s office. She would pretend to be a lawyer and sometimes play secretary when no one else could get to the phone.
This would result in her answering the phone with a very happy, “Daddy’s office! ... nuh uh! You sound like a little girl!” And a very agressive hang up. Foggy and Matt both just stood still in shock, mouths open. Auntie Marci had to leave for a moment as she laughed.
- In highschool she decides to pursue a ballerina career and her senior year decides she wants to study abroad in Russia for a year.
Of course this doesn’t happen as Dimitri wrecks her life. And once she’s home again she eventually decides to become a lawyer.
Matt tears up just a little bit but then just rolls his eyes in exasperation when she jokes, “It’s because Aunt Marci is the best lawyer and I want to be like her.” In actuality she wants to do the same thing Matt does, put away the people that deserve to be locked away, like Dimitri, and protect the innocent.
- She names her son after her Dyadenka Tolik. Jack nicknames him ‘Smolya’ and the name sticks for the rest of that poor child’s life.
Jamie and Michael have a daughter named Aranya. She gets nicknamed ‘Ari’. And three years after Ari’s birth, Vasya becomes pregnant with Alessia, who gets nicknamed Lia.
- Rebuilding the relationship with Michael and Jamie takes a lot of work and patience from Jamie and Michael but after time, they’re a very happy couple.
- Vasya and Jamie were once on opposing sides for a case and Michael felt the tension so bad that he left to stay with Matt and Vladimir until the case was over.
- She gets a pet borzoi and names it Cat (”After Catherine the Great!”)
Jamie has a Siamese cat named Pringles and Michael tells them “You get that horse and that rat out of our apartment.”
“Don’t talk about our babies like that!”
6 Songs that she probably has on her phone/fit her well:
I Don’t Know by Erika
In Your/My Dreams by Kristina Si
You Should See Me In a Crown by Billie Eilish
Suitcase by Suitcase
Pupsik by Tina Karol
Try Everything by Shakira
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A day in the life of Vasya. She mostly uses her social media as a way of showing off her ballet and figure skating routines. Featured often are Marie, Nadya, and Sasha. Her twitter is more for her own amusement and shitposting. Her phone is constantly being blown up by someone.
Vasya’s playlist: // Birds by Imagine Dragons ft. Elisa // Shake It Off by Florence and the Machine // Dance Monkey by Tones and I // You Can Take by Tatarka ft. Little Big // 
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the bestie and I are getting our tattoos and now I just want to write the ocs getting their first tattoos
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Vasya and Maggie both love icecream and have both taken Matt’s icecream.
“First my mom steals my icecream and now my daughter? What kind of world do we live in?”
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the funniest (worst) thing about Vasya living in a house with only guys is that she falls into the toilet a lot
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me: I got another new au idea!
also me: FINISH WHAT YOU HAVE YOU HEATHEN!
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Working in retail I see and hear children throwing fits over the stupidest things and it's always pretty entertaining (also annoying) but I also laugh a little bit on the inside because I imagine Matt and Vladimir going out with their newly adopted two year old, Vasya, and her not having a nap and just throwing the most ungodliest of fits. Then when they adopt Jack, both three year olds not having naps and being just unholy terrors. Vladimir and Matt are both about ready to cry along with their toddlers.
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more conversations from domestic au
Vasya: Maddie, you're a better lawyer than me. Maddie: Okay. Vasya: ... Jamie, you're a better lawyer than me. Jamie: I know, sweetie. ~oOo~ Danny: Why can't you be more like Lucy?! She's meditating beautifully! Luke, pointing at Lucy: She's sleeping, Danny. Danny: ... well her form is perfect! ~oOo~ Darla: I'm going to be a bioengineer! Rikki: Psh. You nerd. ~oOo~ Bucky: Alright look here Sasha, yah lil shit! ~oOo~ Vladimir: Oh come on! Can't I just gauge my eyes out instead?! ~oOo~ Sam: It's okay! Dinosaurs are part bird right? And I speak to birds. So I can just go talk to them! Bucky: That sounds like a terrible idea... Sam, moving closer to the T-Rex, sweats: Okay yeah fUck this! Sam out! ~oOo~ Vladimir, kicking a dinosaur away: Don't fucking bite me you fucking heathens! ~oOo~ Sharon: Leila! Get off the damn table! ~oOo~ Matt: Look I'll lie to a lot of people but I won't lie to Jessica. Danny: Is it because she terrifies you too? Matt: It's because she terrifies me. ~oOo~ Sam: Hey Sharon! Your girlfriend is drunk and misses you! Leila, taking the phone from him: Shar bear! I miss you! Sharon: I miss you too sweetie! Leila: You should come home! Sharon: I can't right now sweetie! I'm on a mission! Leila: Oh... kick their asses, Shar bear! ~oOo~ Alex, trying and failing to kick Anatoly away: Bitch we just goin' to the store! Shauna, trying and failing to walk away: For god's sake, Anatoly! You are a grown ass man! ~oOo~ Vasya, amazed: Babe! You can kick my ass! ~oOo~ Jessica: Oh Dani! Danielle: Oh no what did I do?! Danny: Oh no what did I do?! ~oOo~ Natasha: Where are you going, dressed all nice like that? Nika: ... I’m eating Italian tonight? Yelena: ... was that some sort of euphemism? ~oOo~ Elektra: Helloooo, nurse! Claire: If you want to get laid, you're doing it wrong. ~oOo~ Vladimir: Yelena Jr.! Nika: That is not my name?! Vladimir: ... Natalia Jr.?! ~oOo~ Yelena, almost in tears: Natasha! Lisichka! We have adopted a monster! Natasha, holding three year old Nika: She didn't mean to eat your leftovers, lebedka. ~oOo~ Vladimir: Ugh I feel like I am carrying dead weight on my shoulders! Natasha: Well that may be the dead body you're currently holding. But that's just a guess. ~oOo~ Jack: Babe, what's your favorite kind of tea again? Marie: Jasmine. Why? Jack: Damn can a guy not ask his girl what her favorite kind of leaf soup is? ~oOo~ Michael: Oh bella! I bought you more leaf water! Jamie: You know 'tea' is quicker to say than 'leaf water', right? ~oOo~ Vladimir: Hold on. I am still trying to process that my children are alive and not in jail yet. ~oOo~ Jamie: I made you guys dinner! Michael: ... this is just a plate of red and green chili peppers? Jamie: I know what I said. Michael: ... thank you dear. Vasya: ... I'm so scared... ~oOo~ Luke: Ah yes my wife. One of the only people on this planet who can kick my ass. I love you, sweetie. ~oOo~ Vladimir: Your left! Left! No! Your other left! Matt: ... that would be my right, you idiot! ~oOo~ Shauna: So what'd you guys eat? Alexei: Well I ate Korean but Dad ate Indian. Alex, choking on her water: ... Anatoly: ... boy sometimes I just want to choke you... ~oOo~ Jamie: Go to hell. Go to hell, go to hell, go to hell! ~oOo~ Rikki: Sometimes I want drugs. But then I remember there's rehab and I go nah nah honey I'm good. ~oOo~ Michael: I'll write something nice on your tombstone, bella. ~oOo~ Yelena: We text like civilized people or we don't fucking text at all! Natasha: That is rich coming from you. ~oOo~ Jack, about Richard who won't shut up: Oh God. He's going to piss someone off and then I'm going to have to kill him and then everyone in this classroom is going to have to help me hide his body and I am too young to be dealing with this stress! ~oOo~ Alexei: Some dude was in our class smokin' somethin'. ~oOo~ Ian, striking poses: Take a picture of me! Take a picture of me! ~oOo~ Derrick, pointing to Richard: That your boyfriend? Vasya, scowling: No! Derrick, shrugging: You two look cute together. Vasya, gagging: No! ~oOo~ Darla: Rebecca. What is that on my bookshelf? Rikki: ... a cheeseburger wrapper... Darla: And why is it on my bookshelf? Rikki: 'Cause I missed the trash can... ~oOo~ Vladimir, holding a sleeping two year old Vasya: She uh... has your exact hair color. It's weird actually. Matt, slowly grinning goofily: You love me. Vladimir: Oh shut up. ~oOo~ Michael: Good lord sometimes I just want to kill all of you. ~oOo~ Michael: If I am succeeding let it be known it was purely out of spite. I hate my father and my older brother and I want them to be aware that I am better than them at everything. ~oOo~ Jamie: I want a cannoli. Vasya: Ravioli? Michael: Fucking hell... ~oOo~ Matt: I think my three year old just said he wants to fuck the dinner roll.  ~oOo~ Marie: No, I don't know kung fu! I do know how to whoop your ass though! ~oOo~ Peyton, fanning herself: Why is it so hot in here?! Jamie: Oh, sorry, Li. It's because I'm here. ~oOo~ Vasya: Daddy why is there a pretty girl doing your paperwork?! Matt: ... I didn't know she was pretty? Vasya: She's flipping gorgeous! I'm going to die! ~oOo~ Vasya: Ahhhhhh! Peyton: ... wow she has been screaming for five minutes straight. What a set of lungs. Nika: Should we stop her? Jack: Vas. Sestrichka. Stop. Vasya: ... the screaming wasn't internally? Jack: No, sis. It was external and loud. You've never been the best with keeping thoughts on the inside now that I think about it. ~oOo~ Richard, pointing to Jack: This is my friend. Jack, narrowing his eyes: Bitch you don't do this shit to your friends. You don't do friends like this. ~oOo~ Alexei: I just want to hit him once. Just once. Someone let me just fucking beat his ass! ~oOo~ Peyton: Well what do we do now? Jamie: We kill everyone. I'll start. Hand me a knife? Alexei: We are not killing anyone! You psychopath! Sit your butt down. ~oOo~ Fisk: Richard, you embarrass me. ~oOo~ Misty: Colleen! The girls are two! Why are you teaching them to play with katanas?! Colleen, shrugging: Practice for the future? Vladimir: Well I'm terrified. ~oOo~ Darla, yelling at Rikki: Oh yeah?! Well you're adopted! Sasha, pausing as he walks by their room: Well damn. No need to be rude! Rikki and Darla: Oops... ~oOo~ Jack: I don't think that's the proper use for a CPR dummy, Ravdí. ~oOo~ Alexei: No, I can’t even think a bad word or else my mom will descend from the heavens out of literally no where and begin beating my butt. Jamie: Yeah have you ever met our parents? I’d sooner jump in front of a train than think, let alone say, certain words. Peyton: I feel like I gotta clutch some pearls. Do that Catholic crossing thing. Pray for my soul. ~oOo~ Vasya: I got a scholarship. Matt: To Juliard? That's great, honey! Vasya: Uh no? Harvard. Matt, choking on his coffee: What?! ~oOo~ Nika: Hahaha! Suckers! ~oOo~ Sam: Oh her phone better be on or so help me god! Darla: She left it in her nightstand. Sam: Oh my god! Of course she did! ~oOo~ Lucille: Only child children unite! ~oOo~ Jack: Oh god! He's a thespian! He just gets worse! ~oOo~ Peyton: We can’t fight right now. Jamie: Ugh, you’re right. Not in front of the baby. Alexei: I love you two. ~oOo~ Darala: Rikki can you throw this away? Rikki: Psh, nigga nah. ~oOo~ Maddie: I... I think I'm dating Ian now? Like it started as rehearsal but then that kiss got intense. ~oOo~ Bucky: My child didn't run away to Europe! My child got a scholarship into science! Darla, studying and finally looking up: Huh? ~oOo~ Matt: Honey being a lawyer is hard. Vasya: What? No it's not. I've seen you work. ~oOo~ Jamie, forcing laughter: I will be on you like white on rice if you keep talkin' smack. So keep talkin'.
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