#was there a single gay person behind the camera?

[jaydee1818]

Long post about a movie up ahead…

You know what it was for me about the new Hellraiser? There was no romance in it.

There was no passion. No sweat. No grime. The desperation rang hollow. There was no dirt. There was no seduction. There was no appreciation for the beauty of filth and ugliness. It was just beautiful.

I feel like, nowadays, people are so concerned about people taking horror ‘seriously’ that any love that might have gone into it falls to the wayside. There used to be a visceral love for horror- not just the heightened aesthetics, but for the grossness. The getting dirty. The true disturbing quality of the human body as an object. The wetness, the juiciness, the blood, the grease, the fat, the flesh. People falling apart, hair undone, eyes wild, covered in sweat and tears. There’s a romance in that. A romance in the base form of humanity. In desperation. In fear.

No amount of beautifully made, consistency-accurate, color-accurate fake blood will match the way Kirsty looks in 1987 screaming “You want it? Fucking have it!” She is raw. She is frightened. She is angry and undone and she wants to fight. She looks like an animal.

That is the franchise. That. The human animal. When you watch Hellraiser 1987, it’s so clear that the people making the movie understood what they were making. Understood the beauty of the horrific. And yeah, that’s probably not a fair comparison, as the literal author Clive Barker was at the helm of the project. But that does even further disservice to 2022. And even with all the beauty 2022 captured, a clean, modern, painfully clinical beauty though it may be, there is nothing luscious or lurid about it. Nothing about the Cenobites seems particularly ‘forbidden,’ because they look like pieces of modern art. They have no enticement. I felt like I observed them with the same appraising eye one might cast upon a particularly lovely sculpture. I didn’t want to take a closer look, a grave and fatal feeling for a franchise like Hellraiser. I mean my god, when people talk about ‘sexy’ horror, Candyman and Hellraiser are often the first two names that get called out. This movie was not sexy. Not at all.

The surreal and fantastical were left to the wayside in favor of brutalism and realism. It leaves wonder behind, supplanting it with rote fear. The character’s lack of understanding is devoid of genuine curiosity. It seems the filmmakers fundamentally misunderstood that you can be filled with awe and wonder both in a positive way, and in a negative way. There’s no temptation. There are no trances. No dreams. You’ll never see anything like the premonition Kirsty had in 1987. Or the flashback romance scenes between Frank and Julia. That visual style of storytelling is gone.

The concepts behind 2022 were good. They had an interesting take on the lore, and to include a ritual to the Configuration was smart, and well done. But that eventually served only in detriment as well, as the entirety of the movie then rang like a ‘deal with the devil’ morality tale. It’s confusing in that way, as one of the iconic lines spoken by the original Priest (Pinhead) when asked who the Cenobites are is “Demons to some; Angels to others.” There’s an attractiveness to that. To them.

How is it possible, then, that the filmmakers seemed to forgo the angelic part of that quote? The 2022 Cenobites were beautifully designed, meticulously created creatures. The were beautiful. But the christian bible, and indeed many faiths across time all understand that to see something beautiful can be terrifying and frightening. One of the most commonly known snippets of the Bible, at least in the western world, comes from Luke 2:10, “But the angel said to them, ‘Do not be afraid […]’.” An angel, and the first words spoken are “Do not be afraid.” If one cast their eyes upon the unobstructed form of Zeus’ beauty, they would die. If one saw Anubis walk into a room, jackal head and all, it would be impossible to look away, but also frightening to the core. To see a god, any god, in the flesh is to be both terrified and excited. Those two feelings are inextricable.

Why is it, then, that no one is seeking the Cenobites out? Why does not one hunt for the Configuration? The very promise of the appearance of the Cenobites is the promise to take you to the furthest reaches of experience and sensation, when pleasure and pain can no longer be separated. To experience that which you could never dream of. To push the boundaries to breaking, until you exist only as a being of feeling, beyond and above even consciousness. So why does no one want to see the Cenobites?

The issue falls to the framing device, which needn’t have been used to such ill effect. When you reduce those claimed by the Cenobites to sacrifices, you reduce the Cenobites to nothing more than pretty weapons. The lives the Cenobites take are offerings, stepping stones to an end goal. While the Cenobites may enjoy in their activities, there is no one seeking out to touch them. To reach them. Not the entity behind them. Those who wish to receive a gift from the Cenobites never truly interact with them. The gift is no longer the visit in and of itself. What sights have they to show us, when they are nothing but glorified weapons of their god, instead of gods in their own right?

And don’t even get me started on the coloring. Look, I know it’s very en vogue for things to be monochromatic and dark in movies these days, but my god where was the color?! Where was it!! The glimpses we got were not enough when 1987 is just so bright. And then, to make things worse, the Cenobites were shown almost entirely without obstruction. Just out there in the open, for the most part, albeit in the distance and shown briefly. No illusory quality to them. I know I don’t want a closer look when I can see every detail of them the first time. That’s a person with pins in her head, that one doesn’t have eyes or a face, that one’s neck is one huge gash, that one’s in a skin straight jacket. I know because I can see it. I’d surely run if I could see that right off the top. Gone is the sense of ‘oh my god, oh my god, what was that?’ I get your designs are strong, and really very well made, but don’t just give it to me. Let me want it a bit first. Tease me with it. With them.

On top of that, the reds aren’t as red. The blues aren’t as blue. The color shift felt virtually nonexistent between the Hellworld and the real one, and neither reality is particularly vibrant. You’ll never see as intense a contrast as you hope to see. People being stabbed, ripped apart, torn by chains, flayed, all these things look wonderful, but just too real. Why do I care if your red is tone-accurate when your reference looks like a technicolor nightmare in the best possible way?

The drama! The unrealism! The intensity! The Cenobites are not of this earth. We call their realm ‘hell,’ but you could just as easily call it a parallel or alternate dimension. They simply exist. There are so few properties with a strong enough foundation for the only limit to be your imagination, and unfortunately it felt like this new Hellraiser was want of any. I don’t want your anatomically correct muscles and perfectly researched disfigurements, I want unreality. Give me fantasy, or don’t bother.

I say all this with the heaviest of hearts. The Priest was well designed. The Cenobites, and there were quite a few of them, all had potential to induce desire. They just…didn’t. It just felt like no one understood. Like no one would think twice about whether they wanted to see the Priest- of course the wouldn’t! And god, did that show. I think at least someone working on a Hellraiser property should be able to see the desirability of the Cenobites, the tantalizing nature of the taboo, the socially outcast.

Clive Barker was a gay man who released The Hellbound Heart in the 1986, and the original Hellraiser film in 1987. This was the height of the AIDS epidemic, when gay men were seen as disease, not just carrying disease. Monsters. Predators. Animals. They were laughed at and scorned, and treated as so much less than human. Treated like they deserved their fate. Their tragedy was the butt of everyone’s joke. Yet, those very people were still wanted under the cover of night. Still desired. How is it possible this new team missed the mark so entirely? How could they not understand that when one’s very desires are deemed deviant, when your nature is seen as repugnant, unnatural, criminal, one eventually comes to a place where those words become badges of pride? Of a way to differentiate yourself from those who would wish you dead? That idea didn’t make its way to Hellraiser 2022.

We never got to a place that said, Yes. Yes they are deviant, and repugnant, and criminal and damned. They will drag you down with them into endless agonies. Not a single person will be able to save you. You think even touching them will kill you. And you still want them.

All the makings of an excellent new Hellraiser were there, but nothing was enough. Colors, editing, acting, story, beauty, fear, dirtiness, sexiness (jesus god there was no sexiness), it all came up short. They weren’t brave enough to explore the further regions of experience.

Clinical and devoid of passion, Hellraiser 2022 gets a heartbreaking 1/5*

#jd shit #Hellraiser #review #Hellraiser 2022 #hellraiser 1987 #writing #movies #film #1/5* #was there a single gay person behind the camera? #idk what else to tag this. I wasn’t going to really write about it #but more than disappointing it just really really broke my heart #why does no one love horror so much they want to eat it anymore? #do you get it? #I watch Kirsty’s dream- or the scenes with Frank and Julia- or the ripping apart at the end #or pinhead teasing Kirsty with the lament configuration #and I want to EAT those moments #I want them IN me. to be PART of me #like Maurice Sendak and that 5 year old boy who are his drawing #where is THAT level of passion?

[danrifics]

you all pestered me for it and here it is. the closeness analysis/ theory.

now if you didn't see I basically had this theory that the closer to BIG and COTY we get in the DAPG timeline the closer dan and phil sit to each other. Dan made a comment about how them playing Heartthrob being like a gay soft launch and that got me thinking of some other ways they could have done it and one of those being the idea that as time goes on you get less and less strict and worrisome about what others think of you and so they end up gravitating closer and closer.

This post will be under a see more cos its probably gonna be long af.

I will be splitting it into stages.

2014 -15

2016 - 17

2018

revival

sorry the screenshots arent clickable to make bigger tumblr only allows for 30 on a post so i had to group them together!

(i will not be covering horror games apart from in the revival stage and i will also not be talking much about gamingmas 2023)

2014 - 15

now when i initially went to collect my evidence, i was suddenly worried maybe i kinda had things wrong because i feel like in Donkey Kong Country (the first dapg video, see screenshot below) they're sat pretty close but honestly when we get to how they sit a lot later on you'll see that this is actually pretty far apart

now here are some screenshots for the inital look at at the end of them we'll talk (this will be the layout for most of this post i think)

now of course this is only a selection of those year's videos if i screenshotted them all i fear this post would never end. now these first 2 years are a good mix of at desk videos on sofa videos. i noticed from some other videos not show here that in sofa videos they rend to sit a lot closer to each other than they do at the desk, this is kinda funny to me cos really they definitely have room for a wider frame on the couch if they wanted to sit like normal people.

2016 - 17

2016 and the start of 2017 feel like a mixed bag of how close together they are but i did notice that the more into 2017 we got the more they seemed to be shoulder to shoulder! these also started to wean out sofa sitting games (not 100% gone yet but almost). now if you're wondering why i've kept this screenshot apart its cos this is the last one in the first london apartment.

and honestly from here on out is where i believe the "soft launching" begins!

so lets finish 2017 and see if im right!

just had to single out this screenshot for a sec:

in case anyone wondered that is the face dan made during dream daddy when phil reads "we were roommates for a while too"

softlaunch?

anyway moving on

watching these videos definitely feels like something changed btw, while they still arent as close as we'll start seeing them sit, i definitely noticed more often they were shoulder to shoulder. but like a new room has definitely changed the vibe a little bit between them, and now we can move on to the next and final year of pre hiatus dapg, where things as you will see immediately start to change.

2018

like i said... immediately we are met with this, i would also like to let everyone know that 2018 is my favourite era of pre hiatus dapg

lets see what the rest of this year will bring

now i'm splitting 2018 up into parts because i need to do a whole talk about the tour situations so for now lets look at the above screenshots, now its very obvious that they are sitting so much closer to each other which i think is really funny considering how big that room is and often in this section of videos there is a lot of room either side of them so they literally do not need to be that close.

now lets talk about the tour bus. this is how close they're sitting

thats for sure a 1 person seat yet they've both forced themselves on even tho the sofa literally behind them would have been perfectly fine to sit on, and they cant give me "this is the only place to set up the camera" babe its really not theres a whole surface behind you.

okay thank you for listening to this, moving on to the final part of 2018!

(the last 2 screenshots are out of order oops)

idk about you but yeah i think they are definetly a lot closer than they were way back in 2014. i really dont have a lot to say other than that, and i have definetly proven my theory so now we've established that lets have a brief look at post hiatus dapg!

Revival

Now this is gonna be really brief its just a summary of where we are post BIG/COTY and post hiatus (things my brain still cant quite believe is real)

now here are the revival moments i wanna give a mention!

firstly sims season ep 3 when dan moves his chair away from phil and their wheels are literally locked together, pushing phil's chair too

heres dan looking into the monitor and then moving closer to phil <3

and finally

hand hold

thanks for reading all this and sorry if it didnt live up to the hype lmao

#dan and phil #dan howell #phil lester #amazingphil #daniel howell #danisnotonfire #phan #dapg #dnpg

[void-detective]

Voice in his Head 🎤

[GIF IS NOT MINE!! All dividers made by cafekitsunes]

Author note: pspsp,,punkintyre fans come get your food. Just because I couldn't resist these two petty bitches fighting and the gay ass thing Drew did at Mania. Also I low-key struggled writing Drew 😭

Warnings: 18+, hate fuck, power bottom Punk, rough sex, top Drew, age difference, anal sex, and locker room sex. DO NOT INTERACT IF MINOR. This isn't a reflection of the real wrestlers and if you don't like gay sex then,, shoo.

Word count: 3,293

Summary: Fed up with Punk's antics over the past few weeks and now the knowledge that he isn't injured as bad. Drew seeks a way to shut up his rival and confronts him in a heated meeting backstage.

It had all been in his grasp.

Everything his hard work had built up to.

It was supposed to be his moment.

…But yet again he had cost him the match.

It wasn't fair, none of this was.

His moment was ruined because of his own ego

April 8, 2024 on Monday night, Raw

Fatal four way match, #1 contender for the World Heavyweight Championship

Drew had the upper hand in the match, or so he had been convinced of the idea. It had been a long match, with the other opponents finally taken out to only leave him in the most of Jey Uso. He could practically taste the victory.

Now standing in the corner of the ring, he was preparing the count for the claymore kick. Most of his attention was drawn towards Jey, who still was recovering from the onslaught of attacks. He had gotten down three, but before he could dash at Jey for the finisher, he had felt something grab his ankle from behind and hold him back.

His confusion quickly turned to pure frustration and anger as soon as he looked back at the man standing outside the ring. Punk; Not only had the man stopped him, but he had the gall to be laughing in his face over the situation.

With the momentary distraction, it gave Jey the perfect opportunity to catch Drew with a superkick and then run him into a spear as he was stunned. Once the bigger man was down, Uso had climbed the top turnbuckle and hit a successful frog slash, then the pin in a matter of seconds. It all felt like a blink of an eye for Mc’Intyre and now laid out in the ring..he had lost yet another title opportunity.

To say he was angry was an understatement.

Once the cameras went off, Drew had gotten out the ring and made his way backstage. His main mission now is to catch the older man before he potentially escapes with that shit eating grin on his face. Sometimes he wished he could actually punch him.

After asking around and searching through the still bustling backstage area, he had found Punk talking with Randy Orton. Still running his mouth even now huh?

Drew tried to mask his anger and irritation by putting a natural expression on as he approached the two men. He gave Randy a passing nod which was returned and turned his attention towards the shorter man of the two.

“Punk, can I have a word with you?” The words come out in a growl despite his attempt to put up a polite facade, and so he stepped away from Randy to signal Punk to go somewhere more private.

The other man gave Drew a suspicious glare, before clicking his tongue and simply nodding along as he excused himself from the conversation with Randy. Now following in suit of the enraged Scottish man who was bringing him to a more isolated area of the arena.

Before Punk could question Drew's intentions he was grabbed by his hoodie and pushed back into the wall behind them. The height difference –although small–, caused Drew to have to lean over the older man in order to get face to face with him. “You are the single most annoying person I have ever had the displeasure of feuding with. You are insufferable.” McIntyre practically snarled at Punk as he tightened his grip on the other's hoodie.

“Hey, hey now don't get your skirt in a twist! I'm just doing my job.” Punk laughed out and raised his hands up, mocking surrender as a smug grin pulled at his lips. “Besides I'm just keeping you relevant after they couldn't push you like they couldn't all those years ago.” He jabbed with a low snicker and raised a brow at him.

The comment only further enraged Drew as he pulled Punk back and shoved him into the wall again, keeping his grip on his hoodie tight. God, he could never keep his mouth closed, did he? He was shaking from anger boiling over as he leaned forward rather quietly, a low rumble came out of his throat

“Be careful man, I'm not at hundred percent, besides- I'm old.” Punk slurred out and kept his hands up, pretty much teasing him, daring him to do something. “Come on, back off. It's not my fault you aren't a lapdog anymore.” He muttered, narrowing his gaze up at the Scottish man.

Drew glared coldly down at Punk in response, a low grunt leaving him as he put Punk down letting go of his hoodie. “Yeah, at least I'm not a washed up guy who's only getting traction because people like riding his dick.” He uttered through gritted teeth and clutched his fist at his side.

“From what you did at Mania, it seemed like you just wanted my attention, Drew. In more than one way.” Punk added with a smirk as he brushed down his hoodie and kept his gaze up at him. “Always chasing my attention like a little bitch.”

The reminder of his actions during Maina had Drew actually pause and hesitate at the mention. Had his actions and behavior towards Punk come off a bit weird? Maybe, but at the moment he had only wanted to mock the man openly and hadn't thought through the implications of it all.

A lot of people had made passing comments or jokes that him crawling towards Punk on the commentary table and showing off his newly won title was a bit..sexually charged or gay. As they jokingly put it.

He wouldn't lie and say Punk wasn't attractive because well– it was obvious to a lot of people. Despite the man's age and the fact he made Drew want to rip his hair out he still looks good for his age.

“I'd dare to say you come off almost obsessed with me.” Punk continued, smirk still plastered on his face, keeping his gaze locked on Drew, not even hiding how much he enjoyed tormenting the man and how amusing he found it.

Maybe Drew did a lot of things out of spite and maybe it did come off obsessive, but Punk had given him a purpose. Maybe that did sound..weird.

“I'm not obsessed with you, you're my bitch. You hear me? When I get my hands on you in the ring, I'll make you regret you ever left AEW.” McIntyre fumed as he unclenched his fingers and stepped forward to tower over the older man.

Punk bit his bottom lip trying to stifle the snicker that threatened to escape him, as he watched the conflicting emotions pass through Drew's eyes. All that rage and frustration pent up in the other man was just comical, was this a taste of his own medicine for what he was doing with Hardy?

“You sound like you want to fuck me or something man, calm down.” Punk joked and crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned back against the wall. His sarcastic tone coming out as he scoffed at the nature of his own joke.

McIntyre narrowed those icy eyes dangerously and his gaze darkened at the Chicago native. “Maybe I do.” He snapped back, taking a step forward to invade his space even further. He didn't really care how that sounded but if it shut him up? Oh, he'd do it in a heartbeat.

Punk stared at Drew with wide eyes for what seemed like way too long before blinking several times. His brows shot up in shock as he opened his mouth and bit back any retorts that might slip past. “What?” Was all he managed to utter out in his confusion and furrowed his brow at the other man.

Did he hear that right?

“You heard me, Punk.” Drew scoffed and reached forward to clasp a hand around Punk’s jaw, lightly holding it in larger digits. “If it shuts you up, I will.” It almost came out like a threat, but in reality, it was more so a result of his pent up frustration and other conflicting emotions about Cm.

That confused look morphed into surprise as Punk gazed back and forth in the hallway with a small frown. What was he supposed to say to something like that? One of his hands reached out and pried Drew's hand off his jaw before holding his wrist. Despite not being muscular like Drew, he still had enough strength to get the man to step back with him as he stepped forward.

“Alright then, pussy, do something.” Punk challenged with a scowl and tightened his grip on Drew's wrist, even if he could overpower him it didn't scare him. He was just a petty bitch in his eyes anyway, what was he going to do?

Drew's jaw tensed and his nostrils flared in contempt from the insults spewed from Punk. It felt like a school yard petty off from two men old enough to be dads, but it didn't matter in his eyes. Oh he was going to get him.

Drew never thought he'd get this far..

Drew growled out as he pinned Punk against the locker's room wall, practically attacking the other man's neck. His teeth grazed along his neck till he nipped and let out a puff of breath against the skin. “You better hope you can walk when I'm done with you.” He hissed out as he pulled back and leaned forward till Punk met him in the middle.

It was all aggression and pent up frustration between the two men when they kissed. Even with the hand clasping gently over Punk's cheek and the groans that left Drew. Their breathing mangled and as Drew pulled back, he couldn't help but stare at Punk for what was probably longer than necessary. He could partially feel the coolness from Punk's lip ring and it only added to the man's looks.

Drew's fingers linger across Punk's tatted up forearm which he already had exposed from his sleeves being rolled uo his elbows. His gaze rose to meet the smug grin that Punk had along with a cocked eyebrow. “What, do you like it?” He teased and chuckled softly as he shifted his weight. “I got more, y'know.” He added with a laugh and tilted his head when Drew moved his hand away.

McIntyre’s expression was still scowling and deep in thought as he leaned forward. “Can you keep your mouth shut for five minutes?” He growled with furrowed brows and leaned forward to brush his lips against Punk's again. Desperate and heated with the kisses shared between the two men along with being further encouraged by the moans that escaped Cm.

“I think you're my biggest fan, I've never met someone so desperate to touch me. Still using older talent to get by?” Punk uttered through pants of breaths and when Drew finally parted. His cocky grin only grew at the sight of anger flashing in the taller man's eyes.

“Very funny, Punk.” Drew huffed through his breath and shifted forward, pushing his thigh between his legs. His thigh against his crotch to tease and see how friction he could create. “How was that UFC run?” He sneered getting back in his face with a mocking snicker escaping from low in his throat.

Punk scowled silently, even though he was attempting to contain the grunt from the feeling of the stimulation. His breathing caught momentarily and swallowed back any snarky remarks he had in response.

“That's better.” Drew hummed, smirking through it as he gently pulled Punk off the wall. He led Punk over to the other side of the locker room and pulled apart the kilt, tossing it aside into an open locker. His hand placed over Punk's shoulder as he pushed him down gently to his knees in front of him. He had him right where he wanted him.

The Scottish man hooked his fingers in his wrestling trunks and paused, noticing the stare Punk was giving him. “What?” He questioned sounding genuinely taken aback by the nervous gaze from Punk. This was a first..

“I'm not exactly familiar with this kind of stuff, at least not..enough.” Punk explained slowly as he brushed a hand over his hair while keeping his gaze up towards the larger of the two. He hated how scared and almost worried he sounded but it was the truth and he was nervous to do something like this.

McIntyre paused and moved his hand away as he shifted to crotch down in front of Punk. “Are you serious?” He asked quietly, not faking the shock in his tone. “Men really have never been after you?” His tone was genuine like the idea that men didn't find him attractive was absurd. He was aware it was more normalized that women showed their attraction but something even boarding gay felt like a blacklisted practice even here.

The older man scoffed and raises his eyebrows in response to the genuine compliment coming from Drew. “Surprisingly no, I don't get a lot of that attention from male fans often.” He replied in an honest but also joking manner because yeah, not a lot of male fans came up to him for that reason or not to just shit on him.

“Weird, I think you look great.” The Scot scoffed furrowing his brow as he took a seat in front of him but not before sitting criss-cross. Yeah he still poked at him while he was at it. “I won't make you do anything you aren't comfortable with.” He added in a more sincere tone and watched Punk mull over his response with a small frown.

“You can still..fuck me, least you can do is prep.” Punk moved closer and moved a hand over Drew's thigh till he was leaning closer to the other man with a smirk. “I don't mind telling you what to do while you do it.” He added giving his thigh a squeeze with a small chuckle escaping him.

If only Punk knew the pent up frustration Drew had for him.

The only sound in the locker room was Punk's swallow breathing and the occasional grunt as he leaned over the bench. One of Drew's hands smoothing near his injured arm to ensure he wasn't putting a lot of strain by holding himself up on the bench. “Bit deeper..” Punk gritted and muttered a curse when Drew pressed his fingers in deeper trying to get him prepped enough with just spit and his fingers.

“You're taking this well for someone who doesn't take it up the ass.” McIntyre mused and halted wny rebuttal from Punk by pressing a second finger in. The stinging and stretch making the older man tense up and hiss out, lowering his face into his arm.

“Maybe I do know some stuff, but you don't need to know anything about that.” Punk retorted with a scowl as he adjusted his position so his arm wasn't taking as much stress. The feeling was foreign and he felt his body grow rigid as he tightened his grip on the bench till his knuckles turned white. It burned and only started feeling somewhat tolerable after a while of those larger digits being worked inside of him.

The only response he received was a small hum and chuckle as Drew withdrew his fingers and stood up behind Punk. One hand smoothing over the tatted up shoulders and the other working on trying to get himself slick by just using his own spit. He probably would make Punk take him but that may as well wait till another time.

“Alright, you can go.” Was the only okay he needed before he pressed himself against the other man slowly. His body leant over Punk as he wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him flush against his own body. His grin growing at the way Punk tensed and jolted when Drew finally pushed forward to bury himself halfway into him. A grunt of his own escaping as he exhaled through his nose staring down at the man at his mercy.

There was no mercy or stopping every time he drove into Punk and gave grunts of effort. His arm tightening around his waist as he thrusted harder into the smaller man like it would be his last chance to do so. His other hand curling fingers into his brunette hair and tugging hard enough to make the man arch back into his thrusts.

“Fucking hell..” Punk gasped and gripped the side of the bench for support so he wouldn't be pushed over by the force of Drew's thrusts. He swore the man was driving into him like it would be his last fuck or he was just so desperate for this it made him rough. “You’re a fucking slut, you know that?” He moaned out as he placed his other hand on the surface of the cool metal bench.

McIntyre almost snarled as he bared his teeth and slapped his ass nearly causing Punk to lose his grip if it wasn't for his hold on his waist. “Shut your mouth before I gag you.” He growled in his ear with a smirk when he felt the shutter come from the Chicago man. “Ah, see? Who's the slut now?” He drove his hips forward being met with a loud moan from Punk.

The Chicago native buried his face in his forearm, muffling the sounds spilling from his lips. His body shaking from the pleasure being shot in his system despite how hard he tried to act like it didn't had much effect on him. It brushed his ego to see that he was being so affected by something he should've been able to stop it.

The fingers dug into his scalp and hair causing a sting to resonate in his skull as he hissed out softly. His breathing heavy with each moan they spilt out and the feeling of his neck straining from the way he was being held back. He was going to be sore later.

It only took a few more thrusts from Drew to have Punk cumming hard. His body tensing up from the sensation rippling through his body. His breathing labored as he loosened his hold on the bench feeling his muscles unclench. His body partially collapsed into the bench as his body gave into the exhaustion in his system.

The Scottish man grunted, feeling him clench around him for the moment and tightened his grip on his hair before releasing him. His hand smoothing down his hip as he pulled back and stroked himself a few times. His breathing heavy as he stared down at the other and pulled Punk back till he was sitting on his knees. His expression prideful and proud like he was showing off the title to Punk, it felt good.

Plus the man was pretty all disheveled.

Cm cringed as he gazed at Drew stroking himself in front of him still breathing hard with his chest raising and hand falling. “You have to do that?” He muttered in annoyance but didn't make any moves to get away from him.

Drew shrugged his shoulders with a large prideful grin plastered on his features when he came purposely on his face with a low grunt.“See?” Drew sneered and grabbed Punk’s jaw in his hand as he leaned over to tower over the man. His eyes dark and accent thicker from the excitement and anger still lingering. “Told you, you were my bitch.”

#wwe #wwe fanfiction #wrestler x wrestler #x fanfiction #wwe one shot #drew mcintyre #cm punk #fan fic #fanfiction #wrestling fanfiction #wrestling #bunny writes #wwe fic #wwe fanfic #18+ content #writing #world wrestling entertainment #Cm Punk x Drew McIntyre #punkintyre #gay gay homosexual gay #heavy smut #drew x punk #drewpunk #cm punk x drew mcintyre

[toddandersonsblog]

dps travelling abroad headcanons!!!!

me and my friend thought that they would go to italy, and then greece :) a very nice summer holiday

neil and todd would be so cute and couple-y. they would walk around hand in hand and kind of separate themselves from the group.

neil would be so happy and excited to see new places. todd, on the other hand, would get anxiety attacks, but neil and the poets would be there to support him

meeks and pitts would be making fun of neil and todd being such a couple and would walk behind them also holding hands/acting cheesy (if this is a modern AU, they would film a tiktok lmao. like they'd show neil and todd walking in front of them being lovey dovey and then switch the camera back to themselves doing the exact same thing with the captions

"our gay best friends:

me and bro(we're single af):")

meeks would be ecstatic to learn about a new place. he would read up on the monuments they would be visiting and act like their personal tour guide. (if keating joined them, he would probably quit trying to be the guide and give his place to "mr. meeks")

pitts would probably get lost somewhere because he was listening to music

knox would be listening to romantic italian music and sitting at a cafe or promenade in his sunglasses thinking about how much he misses chris ("dude, you're literally going to see her in a few days" -nuwanda)

charlie would be a menace, as always. he probably wears a lot of hawaiian shirts, because he's on a holiday, and that's what people wear on their holidays, right? he would LOVE italian food and would try to learn italian (or greek!!!!) traditional dances. but he would be very loud and sort of annoying, in his own endearing way (if keating was there, he would make jokes like "our captain's getting old" when they go hiking and keating gets tired lmao)

cameron is your average tourist. he wants to go to the most popular attractions, he wears sandals with socks and asks people to take photos of him in front of monuments. he's probably embarrassed at how loud charlie is everywhere they go, but what he doesn't realise is that mediterranean people are loud themselves (most of the time)

I hope this made sense 🫡

#todd anderson posting #dead poets society #dps #todd anderson #dead poets fandom #dps fandom #neil perry #charlie dalton #john keating #knoxious #knox overstreet #chris noel #steven meeks #gerard pitts #richard cameron #dead poets headcanons #dps headcanons

[alittledizzy]

//sorry gor being judgemental but i am do confused

so what's the deal with Dan? I watched some of this videos this week.

I get that he has dealt with internalized homophobia and had a hard time coming to terms with his sexuality

But where does Phil fit into all of this? Dan talked about in details about various hook ups over the years. Are they in a open relationship? They have always lived together from what I can see from various edits and have recently bought a house together.

Also the way Dan behaved on the tour this year gave off a very single vibes and it rubbed me in a very wrong way as to how against he was phil coming and seeing him on tour.

Even Phil also talks about experiences with other men over the years but weren't they speculated to have been together since 2010s?????

So, my thought is this:

I think the deal with Dan is that he had a lot of his private life/sexuality/etc exposed and made a heavy focus of a large internet fandom during some very personally critical years of his development. And I think he has hella issues with the idea of feeling exposed to an audience.

He also had a lot of years where he couldn't make gay jokes about himself and I think he feels like he's catching up on them now?

But imo I don't think it means anything reflected in reality. The jokes abot hook ups and his tour humor etc are in line with other types of humor he used that didn't reflect reality to me. Like there are so many times when they'd film a video and then later in a livestream we'd see how much of it was set up? Where one of them acted surprised at something when obviously they knew the video concept? And we know sometimes the Dan vs Phil scores were a bit rigged/edited to make things more suspenseful.

I think Dan and Phil are both pretty comfortable with the idea that For the Audience content they make is a version of themselves that is put forward to be funny before anything else and also to have a certain distance from their real lives. They've lived together for fourteen years, they were outed in a very concrete form via video in 2011, they're referenced as a unit by everyone in their lives, and they're willing to do a wink and nod to that at this point. But even the titles of their videos say 'friend' and they'll only outwardly reference themselves as best friends.

That circles back to my first point where I think they just feel like it's best/safest to protect their relationship from direct confirmation and therefore the assumption of the audience's right to their private life. They're fine with shipping, with being shipped, but it's the Dan and Phil in the videos we can claim as ours, not what happens when the cameras are off.

So basically: I think the jokes about hookups etc are just Dan considering who he is on camera or on social media is still a bit of a character. And that character isn't in a long term committed relationship so he's free to make Grindr jokes all he wants, even if there's no reality behind it.

#anon asks #phan asks

[i-got-bad-knees]

Some notable moments from the show (an evening with Bob Odenkirk, guest hosted by David Baddiel) on Monday:

Mike was created because Bob couldn’t shoot a fourth ep due to HIMYM conflicting, he commented that it ended up making a lot more sense because “Saul would never move a body”

Said Saul’s only real “human” (Jimmy) moments in BrBa in his opinion were 1. When he tries to encourage Jesse to go talk to Andrea and Brock rather than waiting in the car, he said “there’s no incentive or benefit for Saul, he won’t make any money and it’s a risk for Jesse to be seen” (imo Jimmy more than Saul speaks to Brock and Andrea anyway) and 2. When he’s telling Walt to just quit while he’s ahead, because “Saul doesn’t care, he doesn’t care if this guy dies or if he’s family dies, why should he?”

Said the Saul hair (“combover on top, mullet in the back”) was his idea after reading the script

His agent apparently told him “please do not say no” to breaking bad and his response was “well I’m gonna” and he turned to us and continued “because that’s how I am, I’m difficult”

The first scene he shot was the Walt and Jesse in the desert scene, he said it was during a sandstorm which didn’t pick up on camera but every time they opened their mouths they were full of sand.

The desert scene with Mike took 14 “gruelling” days to shoot, out in the ABQ desert.

They had a snake wrangler on to clear any areas they were filming in (and obtain a snake if one was needed) but during the desert trek they didn’t come across a single snake in the entire 14 days and the wrangler said it was because it was too hot. For the desert snakes.

His heart attack occurred during the Lalo/mcwexler confrontation scene in the final season, and parts of it are from after his recovery months later. It’s been said a lot, but hearing Bob personally say out loud that he was “out” for 15 minutes and that his training for Nobody saved his life (which he explained how and why in detail) was Wild. I lost my dad due to heart complications, I’m really glad he was able to pull through.

David didn’t know about the heart attack, he was taken aback and stated Bob looked “damn good” and we all applauded

He essentially confirmed that Kim likes Jimmy because she’s also insane. He said it in a very roundabout way (“they’re both damaged, weird loners” and “she hides it better but she was more into it than him at times” lmao) but that was the gist.

Credits Giancarlo Esposito as perhaps the best actor he’s ever worked with and spoke about the wine bar scene for a good 5 minutes. The women behind me whispered “Gus is gay” during this.

Said the first time he met David Cross the man turned up to his home holding a basketball (at around 27 years old) asking if Bob wanted to play. He replied that he’d just made a sandwich.

He’s a huge Monty Python nerd and kept speaking about it at lengths during random intervals. Someone in the audience shouted that he was saying “Python” wrong (because he’s, ya know, American and says it with an American accent) and he attempted to say it “properly”. He could say Python, he could not say Monty. He thought Python was spelt Pythun, though.

He then did the same when David said Ree-ah instead of Ray for Rhea’s name lmao

He said “I might be slow but I’m not stupid” and briefly chanted “slow is not stupid!”

Apparently hates parody comedy (doesn’t care enough about popular culture. Relatable)

Didn’t expand on it much (because Baddiel hadn’t finished the series before literally interviewing the main actor) but said one of his favourite scenes is the breakup scene, and that he loved when Saul was thrown in the trash, saying “he deserves it”

Told Vince to “beat the shit out of this guy” (JimmySaul) in bcs

Enjoys shooting in difficult locations or circumstances (man likes to suffer for his art ig lmao)

When asked about the piss drinking scene, stated “I refused to drink my own piss, I’m fed up of the taste, so I had the whole crew mix a little of their piss into the bottle so it was a complete mystery” did not explain what was actually in the piss jugs

His wife was just offstage the whole time which was very sweet

Called the Trumps the worst family in America

Didn’t think we have Marmite in the UK. It’s literally British aksjdhekdjf

David Baddiel doesn’t know about Dr Suess. Not relevant to Bob but wth.

Bob said he’s nothing like Saul/Jimmy many times and the central reason he said so is because “Saul needs everybody to like him, Jimmy just wants the respect and admiration of his brother, and I don’t care, I just wanna make myself happy”

His favourite show is BBCs Royle Family

We could submit questions during interval and he answered a couple, one was “do you eat at Cinnabon” to which he replied “no, I had a heart attack” lmao. Baddiel was surprised Cinnabon was a real place.

We all got a free copy of his book (tho apparently he didn’t know?) with our tickets so that’s cool. Will be reading in the next 5-60 months

He got 3 people up on stage to read him questions he’d written and one woman, Claire, was absolutely amazing and actually successfully matched Bob’s stage presence and energy when reading this (hilarious) script he gave her. The others did great too but Claire is the MVP of the evening

Right near the start he said the word cunt. I was thrilled.

#10/10 would recommend it was a great show #bcs #brba #bob odenkirk #an evening with Bob Odenkirk #also I got lost in Birmingham after the show and was genuinely scared for a while ✌️ worth it

[ryuichirou]

Do you have any headcanons for modern Gregory and Herman?

I actually do, Anon~ I didn’t think I did, but when I start imagining these two in a modern setting, it’s just so… easy. I would watch a gay movie about them. Well, let’s be honest, I would watch it even if it was in their original Victorian setting, it would’ve been dope lol

Gahh I love Gregory and Herman so much, thank you for your ask! I am happy for an opportunity to talk about them again…

Alright, modern!GreenViolets.

The boys of P4 have a chat, but Gregory barely writes anything there, he mostly watches the other three bicker with each other. So everyone always assume that he doesn’t even read it. But when Herman texts Gregory directly, he always reads his messages in seconds. He is also more likely to reply to him, but he usually just sends stickers instead of typing… he has such a huge collection of stickers.

Another collection that Violet has on his phone is tons of pictures and videos of Herman, mostly from his training practices. He rationalised it as simply using available tools to study anatomy and muscles specifically, but sometimes he just… stares at his body.

When Greenhill calls Violet, he always facetimes him for some reason. Sometimes he facetimes him when he’s washing his face in the morning, sometimes he facetimes him when he’s studying, sometimes he does it after the training, all wet and panting. Violet never turns his own camera on, and it’s for the best, because the latter thing gets him very red.

Greenhill shows Violet’s drawings and art-pieces to everyone he meets. It’s a very Greenhill thing to do: he just pulls out his phone, opens Violet’s portfolio and proudly shows it to everyone, LOUDLY DEMANDING that they appreciate it. He doesn’t get art at all, but he really wants to support Violet. Violet cringes at it and thinks that he’s just scaring people into complimenting him…

Greenhill already has his driving license, and he’s the only P4 boy who does, so whenever they’re in the mood to drive around by themselves instead of using personal drivers (those rich kids…), Greenhill is happy to be the one behind the wheel! And yes, Violet uses his car more often than the other two, and he never really gave an explanation. Sometimes he just has to buy art supplies, and it’s Greenhill who just has to drive him there and wait for him to get what he needs. In actuality, Violet just really enjoys when Greenhill drives him around… he won’t talk to him at all, maybe even kick the driver seat from behind, but he really loves it.

One time Greenhill bought himself a hoodie and even wore it a couple of times, but ultimately decided that it doesn’t suit him: he doesn’t really like long sleeves and baggy clothes. So he gave it to someone who wears hoodies all the time – Violet! And while Violet grumbled something about getting hand-me-downs, this is actually his favourite hoodie now. He drowns in it because it’s so big…

Greenhill watches porn. He doesn’t think it’s a good thing, he certainly thinks that he shouldn’t do it, but he just can’t stop: he is way too horny. Violet actually saw him watching it on his phone once, and it was super awkward for both of them, with Greenhill yelling something in panic and Violet being too shocked to react in any way other than some snarky comment. He was very happy to learn Greenhill’s dirty secret though.

If they’re dating, they’re having sex in Greenhill’s car. That’s a given, but still, sometimes this is the place Violet feels the safest in… or the kinkiest, it’s hard to tell, but there is something insanely hot about Greenhill getting inpatient, pulling over, crawling back on the passenger’s seat and aggressively kissing and undressing him.

Violet watches a lot of arthouse and indie movies, and sometimes he tricks Greenhill into watching them together. He finds it amusing that Greenhill is trying very hard to understand what he’s looking at, and trying even harder to enjoy the movie: he thinks that Violet likes every single movie that he shows him and wants to be supportive. The fact is, Violet hates the majority of these and thinks that it’s just a pile of pretentious garbage, but torturing Greenhill with it? Now this is art.

One time Violet has gathered enough courage to suck Greenhill off, and it happened while they were watching some pretentious indie movie. To hide his embarrassment, he demanded that Greenhill keeps watching it and tells him what’s going on. Greenhill really tried to do it, but still couldn’t stop staring down at Violet… it’s not like he could hear the movie because of all the wet sucking sounds anyway.

#replies #headcanons #greenviolet

[sepheray]

wanted to support u by doing the match up (but also bc I wanna know ur opinion sooo)

im 5'4 (shortie, ik but- genetics didn't like me at all, I lost it), brown hair, brown eyes- I've got a pink streak in my hair rn!! very pale, freckles yay! mid size probably- idk I'm so disconnected from my body bc dysphoria that idek

ummm I'm trans, gay and demiaroace!! he/him bc she and they make me feel weird?? like not bad but it just feels like another person, not me.

I really like anything space- physics, theoretical physics, planets and rockets and shit- I edit for fun, dr edits and like Wil edits. reading, writing- I write poetry! im learning bass and guitar- sometimes I make jewelry n things- space documentaries or movies or shows I love- ooo crocheting!! I love that-

i looooove puzzles, escape rooms, strategy games. I am an absolute menace when I play risk- love playing Stardew valley and Minecraft- Harvey is my favorite bachelor!!

favorite shows include; Loki, criminal minds, heartland, rizolli and isles and the closer

mm- I listen to a lot of indie rock tbf- just indie music in general but like a lot of arctic monkeys and front bottoms (and Lovejoy)

I'm very observant, probably to a fault but I like to help ppl, be there for them. I'm very affectionate, lots of hugs and cuddles for whoever needs it but if that's not someone's forte I get it :) ummm idk- what else is good Abt me?? dbjffn

I kinda shut down when I'm upset or triggered, just kinda freeze up and panic. I don't talk a ton unless given a reason to, very very quiet. I have a hard time raising my voice at all. I keep everything bottled up til it's like about to explode.

also love languages; acts of service, physical contact, words of affirmation

Connor I ship you with Wilbur!! ☆@mysticalsoot☆

your interest in planets and theories are very wilbur, I feel like you two could sit there and like fun-fact-dump to eachother all day

When you shut down, Will would be so doting while still giving you your space. He'd do the little things to let you know that he's here from a distance.

Wilb has definitely stated in the past that one of his love languages is words of affirmation so you two would be the most affectionate couple with your sweet words to eachother.

Will is so so observant as well so you guys would be looking out for eachorher 24/7, there is not a single second that you feel alone because his close watch on your feelings doesn't let you feel bad in any way

Wilbur loves puzzles and logic games too (flashbacks to the traumatic tetris streams)

You'd be Lovejoy's biggest fan and their #1 groupie (jkjk) you'd be at every concert, festival, behind the camera in every interview, you'd be his +1 to events.

He'd probably try to help you with learning the bass but then Ash would end up giving u lessons cus you weren't learning much ahaha

You'd make him little matching jewellery pieces - rings, bracelets, necklaces!!

#matchups #wilbur mcyt #wilbur soot x reader #wilbur soot #connorshitpostreblogs #sephmatchups #sepheray

[policemanofprincesspark]

different anon I’m sorry but in terms of compelling evidence, the bears aren’t that much better than astrology since so much of them are up to interpretation. Sure they make very explicit gay references, but the stuff fans associated with babygate especially could just as easily been flat references to a baby existing, rather than some covert exposé on how fake it was. There’s too much wiggle room. Me personally I don’t think there’s enough evidence to 100% say it was HL controlling them the whole time. That isn’t to say there’s zero evidence, I simply have reasonable doubt. Maybe there’s more I haven’t seen, but so much of the fandom treats everything about the bears as settled facts everyone already knows about, it’s gotten to the point where newer fans like me trying to ask questions about things we weren’t there for get treated like antis for not just accepting everything second hand, no matter how little sense it makes. I want to be logical and live in reality like you said, and I’m not saying the bears should be debunked or thrown out or whatever, I’m just saying there’s too many holes for me to consider them some of the best evidence we have.

And if you’re just going to tell me I’ll never understand/be a real fan because i wasn’t there from the beginning, please just don’t. I get enough gatekeeping from older larries from the rest of the fandom, i don’t want to get it from a blog i actually like.

Don't worry! I totally get what you're saying. I think for every piece of Larry evidence, there is usually wiggle room like you say. It's when you consider it all accumulatively rather than individually that you realize it's far more likely that Larry is real than not. Like, you could see that clip of Harry saying he'd like to "marry someone from another planet" while looking at Louis right after Louis said he'd like to have a "hit single on another planet", and you could brush something like that off as a joke and say it isn't enough evidence to conclusively say that there's an entire secret relationship going on there; that's actually what I did a lot as I combed through masterposts when I was first introduced to Larry. It's good to try to debunk things. That's kind of how science works anyway. You're supposed to try to prove your hypothesis wrong, and if you are unable to prove it wrong, then that means your hypothesis is probably right.

I think at the time of the bears, I had been in the fandom since around October 2014. I had read the masterposts and I'd seen everything that went down in 2014 and early 2015 in real time. I had already been fully convinced at that point.

Then when the bears started happening, they just kept making obvious Larry references, references to RBB being Harry and SBB being Louis, and then for me the real kicker was the "Love, Larry" photo frame with the bears having a wedding. But the main point definitely needs to be "were Harry and Louis behind them?", and, like I said before, there's never going to be huge evidence for them being behind it. It's not like we're going to catch a video of them dressing the bears up since naturally they would do that in private, and it's not like they'll admit to it either. That goes for pretty much everything in regards to Larry, otherwise we would have caught them kissing on camera in 4K by now (and I've said before that it isn't hard to hide a relationship, though Louis and Harry have done a not-so-great job of hiding it aside from not kissing publicly lol). You have to consider everything accumulatively and try to think of what outcome is the most likely.

So let me compile a few links if you want to read through/watch them. These are pretty much the main reasons why I'm convinced it was Harry and Louis behind the bears:

Source 1

Source 2

Source 3

Source 4

Source 5 (Watch their individual reactions and listen to the way in which Harry responds.)

Source 6 (SKIP TO 6:30 AND WATCH UNTIL ABOUT 7:07) [Listen to the way in which Louis responds and note the duping delight on his face (which is when a liar smiles in a way as if they're about to laugh) when he says "no" near the end. It's easy to conclude that he's lying rather than telling the truth, because of his overall body language, anxiousness to defend himself (this can happen to even innocent people when accused of something falsely, but that's usually only when the thing they are being accused of is something serious, such as cheating on their partner or something that could put their job on the line; if being behind the rainbow bears could put Louis's job on the line, it's safe to conclude that it would have put WHOEVER was behind it's job on the line, which adds less fuel to the notion that it was the sound engineer behind them, who was just there to do a job and was getting paid well to do it), and his word choice.]

If we looked through an entire list of every Larry proof in order to find the best evidence, in my personal opinion, RBB&SBB would at least make ~the top three. But that's of course only my opinion.

#ask #larry proof #larry stylinson #rbb and sbb

[overthinkingtaleblr]

Original PIE Team— Also called Steampunk PIE— (as I see them—)

Left to right!

Bad Texture Johnson (I don’t have a name that makes more sense for him yet) - One of several camera men that are hired to follow the team around on missions and definitely the one closest to Tommy. He’s pretty clumsy and frequently trips into trouble with more-dangerous paranormal creatures. Think of him as that shaky-cam found footage horror movie protagonist behind the camera who’s replaced early in the film. Doesn’t know how to use a gun, nor does he want to learn.

Timothy “Tommy” Casket - While not quite the team leader, he does manage the team’s funds! He’s actually pretty well-off from previously doing modeling work, but has turned to paranormal investigation after an incident made him aware it was an issue. He’s pretty invested in attempting to convince the general public that the paranormal are a general thing to be concerned about, thus the cameras. Being what can be essentially be seen as the face of the company, he’s made a lot of enemies. Very, very secure about his privacy. Father of Gregory Casket and he refuses to share who the other parent was.

Johnny and Ernie Ghost - With the science and understanding of the supernatural being as low as it is, the Ghost brothers collect information about the spirits they encounter and make plans and tools to more efficiently handle them in the future. While Johnny Ghost is more focused on the technical side of things, making spirit boxes, tools to see invisible things with, and weapons to keep the team safe. Absolutely the reason why the team is called the “Steampunk PIE” team by his future son. Ernest is more focused on the supernatural side of thing and is specifically working to understand how these things happen. Out of all of them, Ernest is the most likely to be singled out by ghosts more open to talking to people, and has even managed to scare a couple off. Coveralls are from their previous job.

“Teddy” - An absolute sweetheart who’s primary goal is to keep the team out of trouble, both with the police and the supernatural. She and Tommy go way back, and while she isn’t as invested in the whole ghost thing, she plans to support him for as long as she needs to. She also knows the most about his personal life.. cuz she’s allowed to know the most about his personal life. I think it’d be fun if she was also the team marksman and has the most expertise on paranormal defenses.

Member who isn’t included who I have information and ideas for is Bad Texture Bronson, whooo is gonna be included in lists I make of people who work under Darth Calculus since… he’s been working for DC longer than he has PIE.

More ‘personal’ ig information below

Bad Texture Bronson

Bi

One of the only members of the original PIE team to experience a respawn and know he died, though he doesn’t know how he came back.

Nor does he want to talk about it

He retires from the team early and loses contact around when Tommy dies. He doesn’t even know about how Gregory’s situation turned out until a like.. 13-year-old Johnny Ghost (jr) showed up on his doorstep asking about the old PIE team since his dad is being cagey about it.

Has died to Casket, though possibly wasn’t killed killed by Casket.

Tommy Casket

Queer

Incredibly secretive pretty rich guy, but a lot more friendly and less serious than he looks.

His umbrella has a glow-in-the-dark demon warding sigil on it that he keeps secret unless there’s an emergency.

Highly under the impression that the supernatural and the concept of evil are practically one-in-the-same around when he founds PIE, encounters with ghosts like Chakalata help to change that view.

CBF played a role in his death, though I don’t think it alone was actually able to kill him.

Johnny Ghost (Senior)

Gay

Invents a lot of tools that his adopted son later refines or improves upon when reforming the team.

Very pro breaking-and-entering and very anti working with the police.

Overall: chaos man.

Well-read on history, shockingly behind on current events.

Hasn’t even seen any of the things Timothy has recorded, genuinely doesn’t understand why other people need to know about ghosts since most the time they seem to be harmless.

Much like Tommy, Chakalata’s actions (after Casket’s death) are highly influential in changing this view, though Cardboard Friend was the primary catalyst.

Met his husband on a mission and loves him very much!

Got killed by Kermit the Claw

Ernie Ghost

Aro-Pan

Was brought into the Ghost family after being found wandering around in weird clothes with pretty severe amnesia.

Not sure if he was adopted in or married in, but he’s in the family and he and Ghost are Tight.

While he wasn’t aware of it at first, over time he realized he had some forms of supernatural powers— only person he’s really opened up to about it at all is his brother, and even then he hasn’t shared everything since he wants to work most of it out by himself.

However he genuinely doesn’t know where he got them or why ghosts are so intrigued by him and at this point he’s unsure if he even wants to know.

I believe in winged Billy so he does have wings— also he’s Billy from the future.

Accidentally created CBF and was banished to another dimension for it

Currently the toilet toucher

Teddy

Lesbian

Also I love her.

I think she probably lives the longest, happiest life after the ending of the OG PIE team.

I don’t have a story planned out for her yet but I think she’s excellent and I want good things for her.

#taleblr #original pie team #Ernie Ghost #Johnny Ghost Senior #Timothy Casket #taleblr headcanons #taleblr character design

[hakyeonsmonstercock]

ok gonna make a masterpost rant on my thoughts / hopes for #hakyeonsolodebut bc he’s coming back soon and i know hwang sejun follows me personally so 

1. pre-release digital single

option 1: summer

song: ok i know someone at that fuckass company is gonna be like “omg you should totally do a ballad” so i thought what if we didn’t have to suffer and it was just a little teaser for the album like dream and free tempo and hyuk’s songs were and not the main song? if we have to get a slow song, rather than a ballad i want something soft and sweet like choco chip cookie.

outfit: a mix of the ceci photoshoot and big issue, oversized shirts but less pink and more.. sparkly? i’m seeing stickers on his skin and glitter on his hair but idk that might be a vision for another time. anklets if we’re doing a beach thing. hair curly and parted so his eyebrows show a little (put some glitter on them like aoa cream king) maybe even some novelty hair clips

m/v: aesthetics..... the overused 3:4 aspect ratio solid color background with some objects in front omg.. but i’d eat it up for hakyeon honestly if it was more pastel and told a story. cutesy nostalgic with a girl maybe so he can trend for being boyfriend material again. balloons, very colorful, sunny summer-like, 

option 2: autumn

song:  i know vixx generally don’t do trends (thank god they never did beat drop chorus noise /barf) BUT, and hear me out, CITY POP is kinda on the rise and his #aestheticcore ass would GO ALL OUT. yukika - neon is like, representative intl stan choice but it is actually amazing. i can see hakyeon going upbeat retro but in my mind the prerelease single is a slightly faster ballad over a vaporwave/futurefunk/citypop instrumental (can you tell i don’t listen to that cringe shit). i can also see some trot elements being thrown in that suit fit hakyeon’s voice 

outfits: imagine this picture but with highwasted brown pants instead and a much flowier white/blue shirt with like puffier sleeves? maybe an extra button undone. then a beret (!), huge fucking dangly earrings, and his hair styled wavy like for the big issue magazine. black shoes with a high heel because fuck you or whatever these shoes are called because fashion. 

m/v: yeah i want it melancholic and rainy and dark and him singing to a stand mic late at night reminiscing.... the night sky.. stars.. starlights.. get it?

2. title track

option 1: sexy

song: if hakyeon went for a sexy concept, and i could totally see him do cunt very well, bass down low and heavy, something like shinhwa’s first love (!!!), hashtag’s freesm, sujeong’s tiger eyes, OR something with a western pop influence: poison, give it up to me, or even hara’s midnight queen

but the ideal? this song is everything i could ever want for hakyeon’s solo debut. the jrock-pop-dance-edm influences are brilliant, it’s fast paced and hot and leaves plenty opportunities for what hakyeon does best, and that’s stare at a stage camera seductively. 

dance: mm a lot of hip work and some flowy arm movements. a little contemporary dance break for hakyeon to flex. female and male back up dancers falling over him/fighting for his attention/serving as his chairs (which he did already lmfao). also that thing where one person moves from stage left to stage right and the dancers behind them copy and freeze in various poses/wave choreography. ALSO there’s a smirk and panting and a growl in this song... if no one got me i know hakyeon’s facial expressions got me!

outfit: THIS gay ass shirt is the ONLY choice wtf!!! taemin move promotions inspired but with higher wasted pants to suit hakyeon’s body type. no necklaces either, maybe gloves, dr martens... the highlight of this outfit would be his arms and lipoma <3 in an ideal world id ask for a little red gradient lip too but whatever, the eye makeup can go crazy instead

m/v: literally let’s bring it back to 2012 give me a box set and 50% dance shots 50% head shots i don’t give a fuuuck!

option 2 / follow up promotions (maybe featuring a female idol): i didn’t ask to be born latina

song: k hakyeon is canonically latinx so his debut song should have a lot of latin dance or even bollywood influences! i’m thinking if solo: koda kumi shake it, , tomochin’s loca, enrique iglesias’ bailamos or if he wants to be quirky he can plagiarize ACCHA ACCHA (get it????)

and if he invites one of his bitches shakira’s la tortura, cocosori’s mi amor, enrique iglesias’ takin back my love . he already covered havana and choreographed it and put his girls in those flamenco dresses soo... we know you want to king

dance:  i trust hakyeon to make troublemaker the 2nd most controversial performance in recent history. honestly just want him to do this to shake the table a little bit if he decides to go for a feature.

but if it;s a solo song... belly dancing!!! hello?????/ literally unfulfilled potential all up in this bitch! when he starts feeling ethnic >> he’s gonna be my cousin shakira said my hips don’t lie... 

outfit: RED! hello?? arguably his best color? when we put him in a sinfully tight shirt and add lace details and a huge leather corset-like belt and a deep v neck cross with long wide sleeves with details on the chest so it’s borderline a figure skating costume and HELLO WHEN WE CONVINCE HIM TO WEAR A CROP TOP AND BELLY DANCING PANTS AND THOSE SEQUIN SEE THROUGH SKIRTS AND DANGLY ACCESSORIES AND SOME INTRICATE WAIST CHAINS ohHoHHohhhpdhp yes it’s all coming together *brain fuckng explodes* also she should grow out his hair kinda like taekwoon hyde era? embrace your heritage king

m/v:  a whole storyline set in like the 50s in which hakyeon is a bartender/cleaner at a cabaret club and he stares wistfully at all the performers on stage and imagines himself up there and practices and then the climax of the song has him receiving standing ovations and as the song closes he’s like jolted from his daydream :’)

OR one of those stereotypical man having an orgy with a bunch of women mvs

4. pussy eating anthem

stellar - vibrato imagery. nuff said.

3. ft. yikyung

obviously this is just wishful thinking but since yikyung’s pretty active rn and has a whole song it’s not too far fetched? what’s far fetched is how close they are irl but i don’t doubt hakyeon will get a lot of his friends to feature, whoever they are. 

5. ballad

6. ft. vixx

aww in my light fashion i do think hakyeon would all but force vixx into the studio to do a cute little gift for the fans song <3 i don’t doubt he’d try to include h*ngbin too in some way. i don’t have concrete ideas for this one cuz fan gift songs suck but he’d probably be involved in the production/lyrics <3

#oh sis this draft is from like 2019 😕 #hakyeon #vixx #cha hakyeon #vixx n #for posterity

[ufonaut]

so. the word balloon podcast. if anybody missed tim sheridan's live stream last night, then i wholeheartedly recommend going to check out his and artist cian tormey's stream with popverse from a little while back - it's a fantastic insight into the upcoming alan scott: the green lantern six issue miniseries, it's got some very intriguing interior page previews, and more importantly it's a sincere celebration of dc's earliest canonically gay character getting his first solo book since 1949. last night's word balloon episode, on the other hand, is downright humiliating.

this isn't anything more than a deranged little rant on my very own blog but i can't believe the single most prestigious comic book podcast (if such a thing exists), and certainly the longest running one (eighteen years!), legitimately invited a discussion about alan scott as official promo for this book and then made me watch a gay man practically forced to justify himself live on camera and explain over and over again that yes, it's possible for people to come out of the closet late in life and no, gay people not being open about their sexuality from day one isn't a threat against you to a homophobic host that kept calling being gay a 'lifestyle choice'. i mean, hell, give tim sheridan a nobel peace prize because i don't know anybody who would've been able to handle this with as much grace and dignity as he did but i can't help but notice that straight writers like tom taylor (among many others) were never interrogated to this personal of a degree during the media cycle of their respective books. crazy thing to witness live, and crazier that word balloon host john siuntres genuinely found any of this appropriate to ask.

at the end of the day, i suppose it's not all that bad of a conversation to have had because its left us with direct & firm answers to all the bullshit straight fans have been asking since alan came out but i really don't think it should've happened at all, and certainly not live.

if you missed it (lucky!), the most important revelations -- that hadn't been previously discussed in the much better popverse stream -- are tim's belief that alan scott has been gaycoded since his earliest days in all american comics 1939 #16 (which is entirely true!), the upcoming focus on alan feeling alienated from the jsa (which is again entirely canon and previously unexplored!), and the discussion of watchmen's hooded justice and captain metropolis as one of the inspirations behind the book.

now that last one, that's huge to me - capt metro & hj have long been the only 1940s gay couple in comics and as far as im concerned one of the best written gay couples in general!

but that's another post. suffice to say, there's a lot of excitement coming even if im sure we'll all deal with a horrific wave of homophobia on the way there.

#personal #jesus christ man. i wanted to kill the host with my hands

[aqueeracademic]

morse being queer (and other commentary) pt. 3:

season 1, episode 3, “Rocket”:

TW: one tab briefly mentions s*xual harassment, it doesn’t come up again.

- rockets are for SURE phallic imagery

- strange is always looking so fine i do not care

- the way jakes eyes RAN to morse as soon as everyone left the nick 😧

- these men all just hate Nora bc she’s a powerful ass lady i’m obsessed with her

- morse correcting people’s spelling is gay and i won’t elaborate

- all this just to pull a curtain off a rocket what was the actual point

- ^ ignore that i DO understand the point of this episode but like... come awn

- estella is also a big slay i love women in power

- jakes didn’t even have to look to know morse was standing there what kinda gay telepathy was that

- morse showing off what debryn has taught him about forensics 💪

- “oops,” jakes said with a smirk, looking morse up and down in a way that made his ears hot.

- ^prolly what the script said

- debryn only showing morse the pocket watch to give him a leg up on the case is smth that can be so personal 😔😔

- he UNDERSTANDS morse’s ambitions and he doesn’t want him to fall behind and i love him

- bright kicking morse out of the office is insane

- thursday simply doesn’t care about these people

- morse being violently uninterested in alice is gay.

- alice IS the loml tho i love her ✋🙄

- jakes staring alice down as he drags morse away from her 😧

- no need for all the hatred

- morse is embarrassingly incapable of keeping eye contact with jakes i can’t stand this man

- “i don’t mean to be disrespectful” and then promptly being suuuuuuper disrespectful is a niche i love

- “perhaps if you write my answers down you won’t need to repeat the question”

- i love this scientist

- why are alice’s pupils always HUGE

- like what r u smoking qween?

- strange asking morse what he makes of the case immediately is SO personal to me

- jakes flicking his cigarette towards the camera has me 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

- anyways.

- “i know the history, mr broom.” 😐

- why is he carrying the clip board upside down

- a drink to catch up 🤨

- jakes never fails to check morse out and i fully respect him for it 💪

- “nobody’s getting hurt” SHES BEING FUCKING HARASSED YOU FUCK DONT BLAME IT ON THE FULL MOON U PIECE OF SHIT

- i wonder how jake’s actor’s lungs r holding up.

- the slouched position, legs crossed at the knees, relaxed ankle, hand on thigh, cigarette in hand, eyebrow raised... this man is GAY

- ^morse’s deductions on jakes

- bright being a dick because he’s stressed out beyond all help is valid and justified i don’t care

- nora is too powerful i’m obsessed with her

- “jakes said you know the secretary?”

- jakes goes to thursday w his crush on morse is all i’m getting from this

- SLOUCHED POSITION, HAND OVER THE BACK OF THE SOFA, LEGS CROSSED AT THE KNEE, HAND ON THIGH, JAKES IS GAY

- i wish my hair looked like morse’s why is my hair stick straight

- i swear on my life this camera man does every single woman in this show DIRTY on their angles can he not get one flattering angle on any of these women

- morse’s face anytime a woman is being objectified is insane considering the books

- like sir YOU are the culprit

- morse and thursday always go STRAIGHT for the rich people and i love them for it

- you can’t convince me this man isn’t gay. morse cant even figure out that alice is fully in love with him. asks her out to drinks as an “old friend.” she tells him straight up she misses him and he’s like 🧐🧐🧐

- i just now put together that the rocket being phallic imagery is not a joke at all but a metaphor for the factory being run by men when the women are better and smarter but are being suppressed. the men constantly ignore the women despite their intelligence and, like the rocket, are powerful and important. even the fact that the princess attended the reveal of the rocket is looked over, focusing more on the arab prince and his relevance to the case. the fact that the factory is building a rocket is not coincidental at all, but rather a representation of what the problem is with the factory, which is the men in charge, hence that phallic image. in this essay i will-

- morse standing there for the argument after the accident is gay of him. he could have left he was just there for the drama

- “where would you like me, henry?” “under the sod.” “i was there, for 20 years.”

- SHES INSANE I LOVE HER GO NORA

- “you deserve more.” “i doubt that.”

- i am him and he is me

- i am him and he is me

- HES SO EMBARRASSED WHEN HE REALIZES SHE LIKES HIM I CANT STAND HIM

- i feel so bad for alice

- “are you still in love with her?” “i don’t know.” “then you are.”

- literally stop

- “maybe you could love me, too. just a little. a little would be enough.”

- THAT LINE PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE LIKE A FREIGHT TRAIN

- there is not nearly enough morse/debryn interaction in this episode i hate it here

- no longer love the nazi scientist he is a nazi

- shots of morse consistently have jakes standing off his right shoulder and that means so much to me

- nora slays once again by forcing the old white man out of power

- morse just sits with his feet up on his desk, drinking scotch, listening to opera, and reading classics and i want nothing more than to be him

- morse sleeping with alice after all of that is BATSHIT INSANE of him can he not treat one (1) woman correctly

- ^ the answer is no

- “what are you doing saturday? singing?” why do u care jakes 🤨

- “tickets? plural? what’s this? your little friend?” are you jealous jakes 🧐

- my evidence for morse being gay in this episode is that he has 0 concept of how straight relationships work

- “you’ve changed your mind?”

- bro she wanted to fuck you was that not clear????? what’s wrong w you

- NORA IS SO FUCKING SKCKELFLCOR

- MAKING ESTELLA THE CHAIR????

- i fucking love women in power i am SICK OVER THIS

- thursday and morse solving cases by simply hanging out™️ is so personal to me

- how fucking cold is it in this factory? why can i literally see their breaths when they speak? surely that isn’t protocol like turn the heat up

- no matter how lonely morse gets thursday READS his ass and is there for him and i love them for that

#i’m so glad people r enjoying these #i love making them #endeavour itv #endeavour #itv endeavour #morseverse #morse #endeavour morse #fred thursday #jim strange #peter jakes #gay

[mycinecollection]

The Misfits (1961) - Flawed but emblematic

In 2022, Olivia Wilde's "Don't Worry Darling" has been making more headlines about the immense behind the scene drama than its filmmaking achievements. It may be the most recent case of "backstage issues overshadowing the movie itself" but it certainly ain't the first, more less the most intriguing. In 1961, John Huston's "The Misfits" was released and became way more remembered for being full of production issues and the very last movie of mythic Hollywood stars Marilyn Monroe and Clark Cable than for its tale of four lost souls wandering in Nevada.

So what is this movie all about after all?

"The Misfits" is a drama/western about a recently divorced woman named Roslyn (Monroe) who meets war-veteran widow Guido (Eli Wallach) and aging cowboy Gay (Cable) and, having not a single idea of what to do with her own life, goes on a series of little adventures with them, picking up another lost cowboy (Perce, played by Montgomery Clift) on their way. With such a star-crowded cast and legendary director John Huston behind the camera, I had high expectations for this one but unfortunately I do not think it belongs to the "best works" list of any of those Hollywood icons.

It's not that this is a bad movie. It does have great cinematography and some very interesting scenes, dialogues and reflections. Each character has a sad, frustrating backstory and is somewhat trying to go on without knowing much what to do. In this sense, the movie is relatable and did not age at all. The dilemmas some of these people face are realistic and allow the viewer to connect with them even in current times.

However, it is too flawed to be regarded as a masterpiece. First, Monroe's character seems poorly written. Not only that, she is clearly written by a man. It's just so unauthentic how she makes some very valid points against some of the male characters actions (especially Gay's) just to run back to them a minute later, pretty much accepting whatever they give her. To me she's exactly how the average man of the 60s saw a women: she's caring, sensitive and sensual (but not vulgar), but also depicted as hysteric and resigned. What makes it even worse is that the scriptwriter was Monroe's own husband (!), although their marriage failed during the production. One thing seems to have affected the other, as Monroe was apparently disappointed too on how her character was written, while Miller seems to have incorporated some of his own disappointments about his then-wife in parts of the script.

Another thing I disliked about the movie was its uneven pacing. The first half has many scenes but feel too slow. I just kept asking myself "ok but how long I'll have to wait for something actually interesting to happen?".

I must say that the second half does deliver good performances, hard-to-watch scenes and actual drama between the characters. All that in a stunning landscape with beautiful shots from cinematographer Russell Metty. That second half does make up for the almost boring beginning of the movie. It does show melancholic performances from stars who were all in one way or another feeling as lost and in pain as their own characters.

I did find the ending lacklustre though, again because of how Roslyn actions just did not make sense to me! After that great climax scene with all the characters facing up to their personal values, trying to understand to what they stand for, to just end it like it was a story about a couple going through a marriage crisis seemed simply so...silly.

Ok so the movie has its moments and it's worth-watching for the sake of it, now what about the drama?

The fact that this movie was completed is already a great achievement given all the problems it went through in the production stage.

Starting with director John Huston, who apparently spent a good amount of his time during filming gambling in Nevada casinos, often showing up on set not in his best shape after his nights out.

Then, we had Marilyn Monroe. She was already notorious for forgetting lines, showing up late (or not showing up at all) and being addicted to pills and alcohol when "The Misfits" was shoot but this time seemed to be even worse. Her marriage with scriptwriter Arthur Miller fell apart in the middle of the filming and the pair stayed in separate rooms and wouldn't even talk to each other in the later stages of the production. Shooting was even shut down for two weeks while Marilyn went to the hospital to detox. Given all the problems Monroe was going through during the make of this movie, it should not be surprising that this was her last completed film.

Monroe was not the only star in this movie to be in pain. Montgomery Clift was dealing with severe alcohol and pills addiction too, his mental state never fully recovering from the shocking car accident he suffered in 1956. Marilyn even famously described him as the only person she knew who was in worse shape than herself. Although Clift lived for another 6 years after "The Misfits" , cowboy Perce was his last relevant role.

Lastly, we have Golden Age icon Clark Gable, who complained about Marilyn's dysfunctional behaviour on set and was also annoyed with director John Huston money-losing habits. Gable was approaching his 60s during filming , with a deteriorating health after decades of heavy drinking and smoking. The actor died of a heart attack just days after shooting wrapped, but lived enough to see rough cuts of the movie and be happy with what would be his last performance.

MyCineCollection Score (MCCS) : 7

"The Misfits" (1961)

Dir. John Huston

IMDB: 7.2

Letterboxd: 3.68

Metascore: 77

Rotten Tomatoes (A): 78%

Rotten Tomatoes (C): 97%

MCCS: 7

Average: 7.8/10

#themisfits #marilyn monroe #clark gable #montgomery clift #cinema #1960s

[bisluthq]

Ok bestie I just need to know now - how does someone even find out about sex parties? Like is it like how you have to go to certain night clubs before you can be invited to a proper rave and once you’re established in the rave scene you get info on the secret ones that happen in abandoned buildings and tunnels?? Is this a cultural/ we live in other countries thing where over here everything is done in whispers but idk do people make it a fb event? Where are they? Houses or event spaces? How many people? What’s the ratio of men to women (not meant in a GNC exclusionary way)? Is it random people asking hot friends to bring hot friends to their house? Is there someone in charge who organises it? Does everyone participate or is mostly people standing and watching? Do single people get an invite or is it couples only? What about STDs? Do you need to show them a recent STD screen? I know you’re very aware of STD precautions so I’m so curious how it all works! And showers! Is everyone able to take a shower after it easily enough?

I’ve seen swingers ads where it’s very secretive and like you call someone who transfers you to someone who gives you an address to get the information of where it’s at, and it’s organised by a professional who rents a mansion on air bnb type thing and there are NDAs and contracts about STD status and documents on consent as well as bouncers who watch that consent is always given enthusiastically. Idk I just can’t imagine all the things that goes into doing that sort of thing safely, but I know you’re a safe sex person so I am asking in good faith with honest curiosity. Hope you’re having fun bestie!!

ok so locally a lot of it is a network/by invitation only. There's a guy up the road from where I am who hosts them every week at his house and it's similar people or their friends. I didn't really enjoy his ones because the ratio was basically 60% guests and 40% sex workers and while I have nothing at all against sex workers, it's not really my thing. I think that works best for people who have very specific fantasies they want to fulfil and are too awkward to bring it up in a natural setting. We don't have specific fantasies we'd be willing to pay for, so those parties were a bit of a bust for me/us. Most sex parties I've been at have a ban on single men so it's couples only and single women. This sucks for gay dudes most, because they sorta get excluded by default (like how would they prove they aren't two single men just pretending tbh like show a marriage certificate? that's even more awks) so I think there's obviously a different MM scene that I - being a woman - am not super aware of.

there are also sex focused resorts which is where I did most of this experimentation. I've never had to sign an NDA but all these places are very strict on no phones/no cameras/no recording etc and the lights are generally dimmed so you can't see much of who all is around (except one specific daytime place I went to but that was just like Roman orgy vibes tbh and complete chaos).

As you know, I am very aware of STIs so I have very strict personal rules and boundaries around what I am comfortable doing and what I'm not comfortable doing and same goes for my partner - we're on the same page around all that stuff - but we have seen people seem to ignore all reasonable precautions and in those cases we're just like "no thank u bye" lol but they obvi enjoy themselves.

What I like about the sex positive scene is it seems, to me, it's probably the most consensual vibe on earth. Like if you're not into someone in a sex club all you have to do is sorta politely be like "thank u goodbye" and they leave you alone. 0 harassment. One woman was kinda complaining about the opposite and gave a very specific story where she was blowing this one guy while his girlfriend was sucking her tits (this happened in the daytime Roman orgy club place) and a third rando dude just popped up and stuck it in from behind and proceeded to like fuck her for a while which was obvi uncool because the three of them had been having a whole vibe and the fourth guy was like... a random... but she also said she willingly just rolled with it. I think if she'd stopped, that guy would've pissed right off.

Nothing like that ever happened to me lol and just generally it was/is a really fun scene to be involved in. Sorry if I'm being somewhat vague but I don't want to give specific specific details.

In terms of how much participation is necessary, it's really up to you. Some people go just to watch (that's generally frowned upon tho because it's a bit creepy obvi but like the hard BDSM club was very like this because most of us don't yk wanna do hard BDSM vibes but it's interesting to watch and almost becomes like a show where you can maybe participate a lil bit to the degree you're comfortable with). A lot of people watch and exhibition (so stick together as a unit but fuck in public). Some people do soft swinging where like you kiss and touch other people and stuff but no sex takes place. Some people do girl on girl only. And then you obvi get people who do full on swaps and mad ass group orgies like it's really whatever it is you're comfortable doing. There isn't one way of doing it. It's really about having fun, consensually, and enjoying yourselves.

Sorry if this is vague - I don't want to give out more specifically identifying details tbh - but happy to field further questions.

[maximumwobblerbanditdonut]

Love Again: First Reviews

FILM REVIEW

‘Love Again’ Review: Not Even Celine Dion Can Save This Wildly Contrived Rom-Com from Its Own Sadness

The texts that Priyanka Chopra Jonas sends her dead boyfriend wind up on Sam Heughan's phone in a very bad movie about love after loss.

BY DAVID EHRLICH

MAY 4, 2023 5:08 PM

"Love Again" Sony Pictures

It’s never a great sign when the funniest part of your romantic comedy involves the female lead’s flawless boyfriend being killed by a drunk driver in the opening scene (picture Priyanka Chopra Jonas’ smiling face locked in a wide-eyed, ultra-slow-motion close-up as Keegan DeWitt’s lush and bouncy score is suddenly replaced by the Wilhelm scream of screeching tires), but in fairness to James C. Strouse’s absurd “Love Again,” this unclassifiable whatsit isn’t a traditional rom-com so much as a grief drama with a severe identity disorder.

Based on a German film called “SMS für Dich” — which sadly doesn’t mean what it sounds like — Strouse’s moribund yet almost intoxicatingly strange new movie is more or less exactly what you would expect to happen if the guy behind depressive indies like “Lonesome Jim” and “Grace Is Gone” decided to make a poppy date flick that adhered to the rhythms and logic of a Lindsay Lohan vehicle from 2006.

Yes, most of the laugh lines in “Love Again” are stale enough that even just hearing them kind of hurts your teeth, but for all of its blatant ridiculousness, this movie seldom tries to be funny. Don’t be fooled by the snarky gay best friend, the advice-giving sister, or the freak lightning storm that magically connects Chopra Jonas’ character to the world’s most chiseled music critic (Sam Heughan) through the mystical powers of their Sony mobile phones: “Love Again” might be possessed by the spirit of a rom-com, but it’s as deadly serious as a Celine Dion power ballad.

Celine Dion… what a totally random point of comparison, right? WRONG! The Quebecois singer — who seems to be something of a magnet for batshit movies that hinge on her life story, uses this once as a chance to reflect on her own lost love — proves crucial to this mixed-up tale about two strangers teaching each other how their hearts might go on.

Rob Burns (Heughan) is no stranger to the power of love, specifically its power to crush you into a million tiny pieces. His work has been suffering as of late, and while that seems to be explained by the fact that he’s clearly never listened to a single piece of music in his entire life (the character’s entire personality is that he watches Knicks games alone on his couch with a basketball in his lap), his editor seems to believe that it’s because Rob was recently dumped just a week before his wedding.

Rob’s lucky that he looks like a Scottish Tom Brady, and luckier still that he’s been assigned to write about Dion’s first American tour in 10 years. Not only is Rob so bad at his job that the singer (playing herself) take a personal interest in his incompetence, but — in the aftermath of some purple lightning above Manhattan — the work phone he’s given to record his interview starts receiving the voluminous text messages that children’s author Mira Ray (Chopra Jonas) has been sending to her dead partner as a healing exercise.

It’s been two years since the tragedy, and Mira is basically still stuck in the “hide yourself away from the world” stage of grief. She’s living in her parents’ house, the caterpillar she’s famous for drawing seems like it’s never going to turn into a butterfly, and her punchy younger sister Suzy (an effervescent Sofia Barclay) is so desperate to get Mira some Dich that she even creates a Bumble profile for her. Watching Chopra Jonas and Barclay turn to the camera and say “that’s the dating app where the girl gets to make the first move!” was enough to make me wonder if “Love Again” might not be weirdly serious for a rom-com, but rather weirdly romantic for a piece of sponsored content.

Anyway, Rob obviously becomes infatuated with the rando who’s spamming his phone with messages about how much she misses his scent, and, with the help of his bowtied co-worker Billy (Russell Tovey), even more obviously contrives a way to cross paths with her in real life. That his plan involves sitting through several dozen opera performances of “Orpheus and Eurydice” in the hopes of catching sight of his mystery crush — rather than, say, standing outside the entrance of the theater and waiting for her to walk by — epitomizes the fiercely romantic but utterly inane spirit of a film that’s far too love drunk to make sense of its sobering tone.

For a story whose third act (kind of) pivots on a random job offer from Celine Dion, “Love Again” could hardly be more predictable. From the moment that Rob endeavors to find Mira, you know that he’s going to hide the fact that he’s been getting her dead boyfriend’s texts, you know that they’ll eventually rekindle each other’s dormant romantic streak (cue: “It’s All Coming Back to Me Now”), only for Mira to discover the truth behind their meet-cute about eight seconds after they finally have sex.

Not to begrudge a rom-com its conventions, but the scene where Mira learns Rob’s secret — and then storms out of his apartment without any follow-up questions! — goes a long way towards exposing the disconnect between the heaviness of Strouse’s hand and the silliness of his plot. There’s something admirable about the sterility of his direction, which resists the easy charm that most rom-coms rely upon to pave over their plot holes, but Strouse forfeits too much of the levity that “Love Again” needs to remain light on its feet.

It doesn’t help that Chopra Jonas and Heughan have all the spark of a rusty lighter in the middle of a rainstorm, even though Chopra Jonas eases into her natural radiance once Mira begins to relax around Rob (an unmotivated turn that happens in the blink of an eye). Or that even Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert would struggle for something to hold onto amidst such oppressively forced circumstances; one problem with devoting roughly 45 minutes of a film to aerial shots of New York City is that it doesn’t leave a lot of time for the lead actors to develop their characters any deeper than they appear on the page.

It certainly doesn’t help that Dion puts the emphasis on the wrong word when she tells Rob that he has “the presence of a pair of used underwear,” as if the perfect man should boast the charisma of some freshly laundered Fruits of the Loom. But Dion’s questionable acting talents shouldn’t distract from the fact that her voice remains as commanding as ever, and — wouldn’t you know it — the first of the five new songs that she wrote for this movie’s Sony Music soundtrack is available to download now. Here’s hoping they stir up stronger emotions than the film that inspired them.

*Chopra Jonas and Heughan have all the spark of a rusty lighter in the middle of a rainstorm 😂🤣