#what happened to the pieces of my soul I haven't sold yet

[eeveenicks]

I know when someone's auto reply email says "I am OOO" it means "Out of Office" but I can't help be read it in a spooky ghost voice like "OoOoOoOo! I'm a scary ghost!"

#office jobs #Tumblr used to be about memes and unfortunate ball pits #now I'm old and amused by out of office auto reply emails #what happened to the pieces of my soul I haven't sold yet

[scuttlingcrab]

The Devil's Archive

Behold! All the Raphael fiction I've written so far. You can find me on AO3 too!

I think of each story as a writing exercise and opportunity to grow, so I feel (and hope!) my pieces have gotten better since the initial fic.

I am always open to receiving prompts and getting more inspiration. The day I stop writing about Raphael will be a sad day indeed, and I don't intend on that happening any time soon.

In regards to the types of prompts:

I love everything focused on Raphael - from prompts about Raphael being a magnificent bastard, his internal monologues on various aspects throughout his dealings, to Raphael x Tav, Raphael's life in the Hells, etc.

I haven't done any NSFW, Durge, or Haarlep prompts yet, BUT I am always open to receiving them! It might take a while to churn those out, but I love devouring them and will try my best.

Miscellaneous

The Stranger

Bored at a party, Raphael seeks a delicious new soul.

A Night at the Symphony

Raphael goes to the symphony to check in on a client.  

Too Close for Comfort

What happens when Tav gets a little too close to the devil?

No Time for Love

Don't wish Raphael a Happy Valentine's Day...

Late Night Intruders

Tav thwarts an assassination attempt against Raphael during the wee hours of the morning. And from Raphael's perspective, everything is going according to plan.

A Perfect Fit

Raphael receives an unexpected gift from Tav.

Dressed to Kill

Raphael is caught off guard by his recent gift from Tav, so he decides to pay his little mouse a visit.

Hangover from Hell

Raphael wakes up with a hangover, only to find Tav sleeping on his chest. He desperately tries to make sense of the entire situation.

Dance with the Devil

Raphael attends the annual Baldur's Gate Masquerade Ball and accidentally runs into his little mouse.

Shadowy Deals

Raphael shares a drink with Tav at the Last Light Inn, hoping to entice her with a new proposition.

The Devil's Muse

Raphael gives Tav, his very favourite client, a generous gift after she signs his contract.

Fiendish Rewards

Raphael appears at Withers' party, hoping to finally collect the Crown of Karsus from Tav. However, an unexpected turn of events causes Raphael to re-think his plans.

A Devil's Lament

Raphael brings Tav to an abandoned chapel, hoping to complete one final task before he begins his conquests of the Hells.

Inferna Victoria

With the help of Tav, Raphael fights against Zariel for his seat in Avernus. Much to Raphael's dismay, the fight ends up being more difficult than he anticipated.

Trial by Fire

Tav makes a proposition for Raphael, offering to teach the Devil her craft of sewing in exchange for him relinquishing her creative ban. Raphael finds stitching a wee bit harder than he initially expected.

Only a Kiss

Raphael is fuming after Tav shows absolutely zero decorum, kissing him in the middle of an important meeting between prospective clients. How will the Devil manage? 

Practice Makes Perfect

Raphael takes matters into his own hands when Tav proves to be a less than cooperative model for his latest painting. He will do anything to create a masterpiece, even if that means teasing his little mouse into submission.

Mortals

Mortals is a collection of short stories about Raphael, where he meets various mortals who have impacted him someway or another throughout his existence, loosely tying into the main plot of Baldur's Gate 3. Each story is stand-alone.

The Curse of Lady Luck

Raphael calls upon his old friend, a priest, who he reluctantly made a deal with many years ago.

A Warlock is Born

Korrilla summons Raphael to aid her in a fight at the Devil’s Fee. Raphael recruits a new warlock to his cause.

A Warlock's Sacrifice

Raphael seeks the aid of his prized warlock after he finds an intruder has broken into his House of Hope. Raphael confronts Tav in the aftermath of combat.

The Great Hunt

In Search of a Hammer

Raphael learns from Korrilla that Tav foolishly sold the Orphic Hammer in an attempt to earn some last minute gold. Raphael hunts down the Hammer before his dreams are destroyed forever.

#writing #bg3 raphael #raphael the cambion #baldurs gate 3 raphael #bg3 #fanfic #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 fanfiction #raphael baldur's gate 3 #raphael bg3 #raphael x reader #raphael #raphael bg3 x reader #raphael x tav

[bogkeep]

berserkblogging, spoilers for the golden age arc

(for the record, i'm halfway through volume 10 so i haven't caught up to the eclipse yet, i just have too many feels as they say)

the golden age arc is such a perfect tragedy, i have never considered myself someone who enjoys tragedies in particular but this one is just so extremely well executed i CANNOT get over it.

my outsider impression of berserk was that ok u have big muscly man who had a presumably homoerotic anime friendship with a beautiful man and then a betrayal happened and now they hate eachother. i was a little surprised to find that it's So Much More (AND CASCA EXISTS. I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT CASCA)

they Loved each other......... all three of them...... but in such a complicated way because they're all a little fucked up but like. who isn't

for guts it's how, he never learnt how to Want anything. he couldn't know that he had so much he wanted already, because he never learnt how to, and standing so close to griffith and his all-consuming longing, how could he? he was only part of the band because griffith wanted him so badly, and all guts knows is how to be a sword, and when griffith asks him, do you think it's cruel of me to wield you as a sword? guts only says it's a little late to be asking that now. it's like guts is that sword to griffith that guts' sword is to himself - an extention of his body, of his reach, to get bloodied,

and casca always wanted to be that sword. guts never tried to take it from her, but all her pain over it lands on him nonetheless. and it really is so painful to see someone be everything that you've ever wanted, effortlessly, accidentally,

but maybe her tragedy is that casca really was a sword to him after all, and only that, and griffith's tragedy is that guts was not. it would've been so much easier if guts was just a sword, wouldn't it?

guts asked. twice, he asked griffith, why did you save my life? and griffith could have answered, because i want to have you around, because you're my friend, because i love you. but he didn't. guts was only ever a sword that belonged to him.

how many times had griffith said guts belonged to him, his life and his death? but at some point, he had become mistaken. if just, for one moment, griffith could have admitted, to guts, to himself, what they are to one another...

maybe it wouldn't have been enough. maybe he would never have quit the restless pursuit of his dream. we might never know.

so when guts left, how could he have known what he was to griffith? all he's ever been is someone else's belonging, to be sold out or won as a prize...

how can anyone know anything, in the blinding light of griffith's ambition? it becomes so clear when griffith is gone, the people who had stood closest to him can suddenly look around them with clear and open eyes, look at who they themself are - guts and casca share this, it's hard to be a person and a sword at the same time, and maybe together they can be people, a man and a woman. and the band loves guts, and the cohesion of the group - it was never just griffith who held them together. they are all real people, flesh and bone, not just the wisps of a dream.

i think there's something so.... i don't know, if you've ever known someone who makes life feel like a dream, and when they're gone, you feel like you're blinking awake, your head clearing up, their influence on you seeping out of you like fog?

and when griffith returns - imagine holding all these souls as swords in your hand for years and years, and now they're people. they're not your swords anymore. and THEN

i don't know if this is coherent or just increasingly high pitched screaming. i just feel like there are so many moving parts of this tragedy, one so inevitable and preventable at the same time, each piece moving with chess board precision, waiting to lunge a blade directly into your chest.

#haiz reads berserk #MIGHT AS WELL HAVE A TAG FOR IT AT THIS POINT

[a-snow-decahedron]

Learn to Dodge

Ok but imagine being Frisk and sucking at dodging bullets

it's 3 am im not apologizing for this.

warning for Frisk cursing a lot, because they deserve it and also because it's really funny to think the only reason they don't have dialogue is because it would change the rating of the game

sans: haven't i done a great job protecting you?

sans: i mean, look at yourself, you haven't died a single time

sans: hey, what's that look supposed to mean? am i wrong?

Frisk: That's such bullshit.

sans: language, bucko.

Frisk: No you shut up! I died so many times i can't count and you didn't do shit a single time.

sans: you did what-

Frisk: yeah you fucking heard me. I get to swear all i want after that.

sans: *realization hitting him like a brick* look, kid, there's a lot to unpack here. but first, when did u die?

Frisk: Oh now you care, don't you? Pretty much everyone's killed me at least once. I died like 10 times to Undyne alone and you were fucking napping!

sans: *lowkey feeling regret at his words* wait... everyone? even my bro?

Frisk: nah, Papyrus' cool. Still scared the crap out of me the first time he captured me. He's a little lost about humans but he's got the spirit.

sans: the dogi?

Frisk: 3 times

sans: Greater dog?

Frisk: twice

sans: alright, i guess that's valid. but i can't think of anyone else that could do some serious damage kid. seriously, did ya die to some teens? to jerry? to a woshua?

Frisk: Say that last name again and i'm throwing a chair.

sans: oh boy, how much didja die...

Frisk: Sans, look at me in the eyes. I'm opening them wide for you. Look at me, at my armor.

sans: what about it.

Frisk: you know temmie village?

sans: yeah

Frisk: Tem sells this armor for so much money you could pay your tab at Grillby's

sans: did u pick up a fight to get the money. come on kiddo, of course you got hurt doing that.

Frisk: I'm not done yet. So outside the village there's this dark as fuck maze and it's filled with Woshues and Moldbyggs and all. But every time I died, Sans. Every time you let my soul break into little tiny pieces. Temmie sold the armor for cheaper.

sans: how the he...ck would temmie know how many times you died?

sans, to himself: i could visit the village for research, bet they know something i don't

Frisk: Hey bonehead, wanna know how much it cost?

sans: sure, go ahead

Frisk: it started at like 4500 G. I already died a few times beforehand so it was probably more expensive than that. But that fucking maze is worse than my old neighborhood in the surface, man. I died so much the price got to 1400G I think.

sans: holy crap.

Frisk: it was still too much yknow, every time I died I lost my progress so I had to keep saving every penny I got. Anyways, see what I'm wearing? How much do you think it cost?

sans: uh... 500G

Frisk: close enough, 750, it didn't go lower than that. Before you ask: no, I did not die on purpose to find out.

sans: ...

sans: how many HP do humans have?

Frisk: I learnt what HP was like yesterday, I don't think I can tell you. I have 20.

sans: ok yeah that's low. i figured you'd have like 200 at least

Frisk: I know that if I kill people it somehow increases but that's awful so next time I came back to life after dying I was back to before I murdered someone. I chose to do as much as possible to never kill again on purpose or by accident.

sans: wow, kid. you really are, uh, determined.

sans: hold on, so you can travel back in time

Frisk: *shrugs* I guess? Still hurts a fucking lot when it happens after I die. but I think I can try at will.

sans: buddy, let's do something. you can come back to a few minutes on the past right?

Frisk: Yeah

sans: ok, so hear me out. i made a codeword some time ago, so if someone tells it to me i know they're a time traveler. get closer (whisper, whisper)

Frisk: Sans what the fuck.

sans: i hope you come back and tell it to me.

--one loaded SAVE later--

Frisk: hey you told me to tell you this and if it's a fucking joke i'm going feral.

sans: language, bucko.

Frisk: (whisper, whisper)

sans: who told you this? what a liar. *Frisk's eye twitches* but yeah that's a codeword. come closer, to really gain my trust you need another code (whimsper, whimsper).

Frisk: Oh for fuck's sake.

--Another loaded SAVE file later--

sans: hey, kiddo what's with that look

Frisk: This better be the last fucking codeword or I'm going insane

sans: language, bucko.

Frisk: *says the codeword*

sans: oh, so that's what you meant. It kinda explains a lot.

Frisk: Sans listen, I'm so fucking done of doing this. Let's just go eat, ok? Time traveling doesn't help wtih my hunger, and I reaally need to take my time to just explain what just happened because I know you got questions.

sans: *mentally preparing* here we go

-- some eplanations later --

sans: wow, kid. i'm impressed. for one thing i believe you. you knew what i was about to do before i did it.

sans: and, uh, guess i can't really make the past go away for you even if i don't remember that happening but... i'll do better, ok?

Frisk: Can I really trust you?

sans: you said your stats were low, mine are even worse so it's not like i can defend u without dusting myself in the process... but we can practice dodging, until you get better. and that armor's gonna help a lot too.

Frisk: For real?

sans: yeah, i made a promise after all. i gotta do a better job at keeping it.

sans: hey, buddy... you have not told this to anyone right? you haven't told the door lady.

Frisk: No fucking way. She also killed me once, telling her would destroy her. And I think she was trying not to hurt me too but somehow I managed to walk into her flames.

sans: ... why do you trust her?

Frisk: I don't know... it's complicated. She has good intentions. Better than some people on the Surface, anyways.

sans: you are a special kid, you know that? alright buddy, we can keep talking outside. let's take a breath and then do some training. even folks with low HP like us can find a way to survive. howzabout that?

Frisk: I guess... that's alright. Yeah, that can work.

* * *

#fic #safeutdr #undertale #fanfiction #frisk #sans #swearing #dont take me too seriously #geometric thoughts #this is crack mostly #but yeah it can be wholesome too #my fingers just went with it #i am too tired to proofread it #sans the skeleton #frisk the human

[merci-bitch]

My Sweet Little One part II

Rose The Hat x fem!reader

Warning(s): swearing, slight abuse, PDA? 

Words: 2,5k

A/N: It has been quite a while. Hasn’t it? Haha. Well there might be a part 3 to this. It’s not as long as the first part which is 8k, and I have no idea how to make links so sadly I can’t link it here. ;/ . Hopefully there will more stories coming soon!

I made Y/N mine, alright. And everyone knew it, for sure. The next night she laid in my bed, I made her scream my name until her vocal chords were raw and made sweat crack across her place physiognomy.

No one could have her body the way I do, specially that loathsome rube. But he doesn't matter now.' I told myself. Though I wanted to make him pay. Rip his heart out and eat it on a silver platter after making him after making him suffer. Who the hell does he think he is? Laying his hands on my Y/n. They might both be steamy but he should see me. Oh yes, I am a cathedral compared to his small amount of steam.

"Rosie?" Y/n's voice pulled me out of my self induced trance. "Yes love?" I hummed. "You were zoning off again. Is something the matter?" I loved hearing the sweetness in her voice. It was like music to my ears.

"No darling, I'm quite alright." I smiled and placed my lips against hers and gave her a soft kiss. 'If only she knew though.' I thought to myself but shoved that aside for the moment. I could feel her soft hands gently caressing my bare skin and moved closer to her. Normally I preferred being the big spoon but on this moment, I didn't quite mind. She was home now and has been for quite a few weeks but still, I missed her.

"You're sure?" I nodded and ran my hands through Y/n's hair. "You're so pretty. You know that right?" She nodded and I smirked. "There is no one quite like you." Y/n's cheeks flushed cherry red and I chuckled. "No shame, darling. I only speak the truth."

"I know." She gave me a small smile that made me swell up inside. "Have you thought about my offer?" Y/n let out a sigh and I sat up. "I have but-"

"But what?" I tried my hardest not to sound angry. "When you stabbed me before, you told me it was for steam?" I nodded cordially. "Is that...what you guys eat?"

"Does it matter?" I expected to have her argue with me a little bit but surprisingly she didn't. Which I was thankful for. I took Y/n's hands gently in my own and kissed them. "Look, I know it's hard for you to wrap your head around but their pain is our gain. Don't you want to have a life with me? Unconditional bliss?"

She looked down as she slowly sat up and started fumbling with her hands. I wanted to say things, but I didn't want her to run away again. I didn't want to lose her again. She was mine, and only mine.

—— You don't know what it's like, not knowing who you are. To have lived in the shadows and to have travelled this far. Now I've seen a flashes of fire and echos of screams. But I still have faith, faith that someday my memories will come back.

In my dreams, it's all real. And my heart has so much to reveal. And my dreams seems to say, 'don't be afraid to go on, don't give up hope, come what may.' I know it will all come back! One day!

In my dreams shadows call. There's a light at the end a hall. Then my dreams fade away, but I know it will all come back one day. I just remember, rain against the windows. Sheets upon a bed. Terrifying nurses whispering overhead.

It was all strange. Rose, everyone. They say I was found on the side of the road. It had recently rained. In the darkness and cold with the wind in the trees. A girl with no name, and no memories but these above. I don't know a thing before that. Traveling the back roads, sleeping in the wood. I was always taking what I needed, working when I could. Keeping up my courage, foolish as it seems.

In my dreams I've always dreamed of a city. I dream of a city beyond all compare. Is it Paris? Paris... A beautiful river, a bridge by a scare and I hear a simple voice whisper, 'I'll meet you right there in Paris.' Paris.

Dancing bears, painted wings. Things I almost remember, and a song someone sings. It's almost December. Once upon a December. Someone holds me safe and warm. Horses prance through a silver storm. Figures dancing gracefully and across my memory.

Far away, long ago. Glowing dim as an ember and things my heart used to know and things it yearns to remember. And a song someone used to sing.

Heart don't fail me now and courage don't desert me. Don't turn back now that we're here. People have always said, life is full of choices and they aren't wrong but they never mentioned fear. Or how the world can seem so vast. On a simple journey to the past.

Somewhere down this road. I know someone true is waiting. Years of dreams just can't be wrong! Someone's arms will open wide and I'll be safe and wanted. Finally a place where I belong. Well, starting now I'm learning fast! On my journey to my past.

Home, love and family. There has to be a time where I had them too. I wouldn't be complete until I find you. But always one step at a time. One hope, then another. Who knows where this road may go? I wanna go back to who I was. On to find my future. There are things my heart still needs to know. Yes! Let this be some kind of sign and let this road be mine. Let it lead me to my past, and bring me home. At last!

—

"So, when the fuck was you gonna tell me."

"Hm? Tell you what my dear."

"Cut the sweet act Rose."

"What's wrong with you? Did they tease you again? You want tea?"

"Oh fuck you."

"Watch it."

"Watch it?! You have some fucking nerve Rose."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. The fuck did you think was gonna happen?"

"Seriously, what do you mean Y/N."

"Did you think I was gonna forget your words? Think I was gonna forget how useless and worthless you called me?"

"Y/N, I-"

"Shut it. I know exactly what you said, I'm not stupid or will I ever fall for some cover up you're calling this. I was happy without you!"

"You would never survive without me!"

"I did perfectly well for 10 fucking years Rose!"

"You call that happy?! With that Danny? You call that happy Y/N?"

"He loved me! He took care of me! More then you'd ever done, he took me for what I was. He picked up the pieces you broke."

"You better watch it. I don't mind killing you myself."

"See, this is exactly where you and I are different. I spend years not fitting in but thinking it was fine. Cause you were 'there' and cuddled me. Did you ever really love me? Cause you're blaming me for everything here, when it actually was you who fucked it up."

"I fucked it up?! You were the one who was so fucking ungrateful!"

"Ungrateful?! I have a fucking soul!"

"No, you don't! Cause you fucking sold it to the devil. You're not human. We turned you Y/N!"

"Excuse me what?"

"What?"

"No, don't change subject. What did you say?"

"Nothing."

"Did you fucking turn me without me saying you could?! Rose what the fuck!"

"What, you're mine. Just had to claim you. You'll be fine."

"Fine?! I don't wanna feed of dead kids Rosie!"

"They're actually quite delicious."

"You're fucking sick."

"Didn't stop you from fucking me."

"I didn't really have a choice."

"I didn't fucking rape you."

"Nah, it felt like it."

"You screamed my name out of pleasure."

"How come you were so sure of that?"

"I saw it, I saw your mind."

"What if that was just for play?"

"Oh, fuck you."

"I'd kill you if you tried."

"Oh, sweetheart. I'd like to see you try."

"Come at me."

"You can't be serious."

"Come kill me Rose."

"No."

"Coward."

"You're a bitch. A fucking bitch."

"Yet you put up with me for years. Took me back in when I was vulnerable. Loved me, well. Kind of. You held me close to you. Favorited me. So technically, I was your bitch."

"Exactly. You're my bitch."

"I was, not anymore."

"You'll always be my bitch. You're so weak for me, nothing will change that."

"Rose-"

"Begging already? Hm. Get on your knees."

"What?"

"Now!"

"Never."

"Get on your fucking knees before I make you."

"Make me then."

"You're playing with fire Y/N. I fucking hate you."

"Yeah, yeah. We've all heard that. How about something new?"

Before I knew it, her hand was wrapped around my throat. Holding me up in the air. Not a single piece of happiness or softness in her eyes. It was just dark. Her whole face was filled with anger. The veins in her throat showed as she strained. Her jaw clenched. Her hand squeezing harder around my throat. More and more air was ripped from my throat.

"You'll learn your fucking place. You disgraceful little piece of shit."

Her fingernails started to dig into the skin of my neck and my vision started to blacken out. Clawing at her hand. Choking on whatever air that was left in my lungs.

"R-Rosie-"

"Hm? Can't really hear you, my dear."

Her hand tightened even more and I felt my limbs go lump. Everything going dark.

-

"I don't know Abra. She's been gone for so long. She was missing when I came back from the bathroom at the cinema. You haven't seen anything?"

"No, I've been trying. It's like Rose is cutting her off from us."

"I just hope she's alright. She doesn't deserve all this."

"I know, but we'll find her."

—

"Sweetheart? Hey, wake up."

I felt someone slap my cheek. Groaning in pain, moving my head away. Slowly opening my eyes.

"Rose?"

"Yes, I'm right here."

"What happened?"

"My dear child, you passed out. You had a nightmare from sleeping and got up and started crying. Then you just dropped."

"Really? I don't remember."

"Oh, don't worry. I've got you."

Rose put her arms around me and pulled the covers over us, giving my forehead a kiss. I couldn't put my thought to it. Was that really what happened? I shook my head and snuggles close to Rose. Breathing in her scent. Relaxing. Smiling softly and looking up at her.

"What? What are you smiling about."

"Nothing."

"Come on, I can see there's something."

"I just -"

"Yes?"

"I love you, Rosie."

"I love you too Y/N."

—

"Rose? Is this really how it has to go?"

"Yes, my dear. Now come on. Stab her."

"I-I don't know, it's just a child."

"What have I told you before?"

"I-, their pain, our gain."

"That's it. Now come, feed your family."

Rose's hands were on my waist, her nose brushing against the back of my neck. I slowly raised the knife in the air. Feeling a sort of deja vu. Had I done this before? I couldn't have. Despite the child's cries, pleas and begging Rose was right. Their pain was our gain. I had to do this to feed the family. The true knot was my family.

Muttering a soft 'sorry' before stabbing the child. Stabbing it over and over again. Hearing both Rose's and Crow's laughter behind me. I felt angry for some reason, the child in front of me was the beat for my anger. The piece to take out all the unknown anger. Again and again. Until there was nothing left. Dropping the knife, shaking.

"You did so great, look at all that steam! Well last for weeks! If not even months. Good girl."

Rose gave me a wet kiss and stroked my cheek.

"Rosie?"

"Yes, my love?"

"Have I done this before?"

"What? Stabbing a child?"

"Yeah, I got like a deja vu."

"Well, haven't we all wished to kill children?"

Her carefree laughter filled the air. It didn't make any sense, but it had to.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Don't be so sad now, poppet. You did well."

"It just feels weird. I was a child too once."

"We all were. But now we are adults, we are the true knot. We live as more powerful then pathetic rubes. You said so yourself."

"I did?"

"Right you did."

"Oh, I can't remember much."

Rose stroked my cheek again and pulled me against her. Rubbing my back and watched the moonlight with me. It was silent. Was it nice? Was it confusing? Was it awkward?

"I just, this doesn't feel right."

"What do you mean?"

"It's like I've been walking, but with my face turned to the sun. This weight on my shoulders. And I feel as if I need to run. I do what I can to please you and the others, I just feel like an outsider."

"This is your home, can't you hear freedom calling? Calling you to stay. Don't you feel it in your bones? You belong here."

"In the morning before the sun starts shining, we gotta start moving again, can I drive with you?"

"Always."

—

"So I'm gonna stand up, and take my people with me. Together we are going to our brand new home. Far across the river. Do you hear freedom calling? Calling you to answer their prayer."

"That's what you got?"

"Yes, it was all I could find out."

"It's not really helpful."

"I know, I don't know what's going on. Before it was so easy to track her."

—

"I go to prepare a place for you."

Rose watched you sleep. She knew it wouldn't be long until your memories would come back. Her and Crow had been talking about what to do with you. She didn't want to kill you. She did love you, but if she had to she would kill you. You were steamy but she didn't know if it was that good. She had only tasted it once, but it was only little bit.

It had tasted like flowers. For some reason each time Rose would think about it. She would feel this, this heavy feeling in her chest. She didn't know what it was. It couldn't be guilt, could it? No. Of course not. Rose The Hat never had guilt. She was a strong a confident woman. Powerful. The queen bitch of castle hell.

Rose O'Hara knew guilt, knee pain and specially weakness. Rose The Hat could never dream of getting on her knees for anyone.

If she had to kill the one thing she loved. She fucking would.

#rose the hat x reader #dan torrance x reader #doctor sleep

[koulakoukoula2003]

Kiss Me, Kill Me: Part 7 (Levi x OC)

Pairing: Levi x OC, Levi x Reader, Levi x Y/n, Levi x You

Summary: Eleanor has been sold to many households in the Underground as a servant and housemaid. She had had many masters to serve, always a victim of human trafficking in the dark underworld of the Underground.

But what happens when Levi lays his eyes on her, and immediately decides to save her from her cruel fate?

Trigger Warnings: Mention of Human Trafficking, Slavery, Eventual Smut, Violence, Gore, almost A/B/o dynamics but I do not mention them, Submissive OC, Dom/Possessive/Overprotective Levi.

I haven't proofread it, sorry

A/N: It takes place in the Underground, before no-regrets so Levi is a thug, Furlan hasn't yet joined him. This fic is also published on ao3

Part 1 > Part 2 > Part 3 > Part 4 > Part 5 > Part 6 > Part 7

Three Months Later

They let Isabel stay. Levi started teaching both her and Eleanor how to fight and use ODM after stealing two more. Levi would be damned if he let Eleanor defenceless in a place like this. He and Furlan taught them both, and spent hours before they both actually got the hang of maneuvering and fighting with nothing but a knife. Isabel was an innocent, sweet child that soon became everybody’s little sister. Keeping her was a good idea. Levi just added to the people that he cared about and there was always the fear of losing everyone, but he kept telling himself he wasn’t going to allow this to ever happen.

One day, Levi, Furlan and Isabel returned back home to Eleanor preparing lunch. They were all frowning and had considerate looks in their faces. Levi sighed deeply when he saw her. They had to discuss things. A guy named Lovof, apparently a noble, had showed up offering three citizenships for the sake of a job. It was only three. They were four. And that’s exactly what Levi hated. One would have to stay behind. And he had no idea who. Furlan made his point clear, without Levi they would never get to complete this mission successfully.

And Eleanor’s world came crashing down to pieces when they all sat down and talked about it, but she didn’t show it. She just chuckled and ruffled Isabel’s hair, and pulled the girl in a warm side-hug.

“Sounds like somebody’s going aboveground,” Eleanor pressed a sound kiss on top of Isabel’s hair as she giggled and buried her face in Eleanor’s shoulder.

“But what about you, Eleanor?” Furlan asked.

“We’ll reject that job,” Levi stated firmly. “I don’t care what that bastard said about the Scouts finding us. They won’t. I’m not leaving anybody behind. Not you,”

“Levi… this is a one time chance,” Eleanor for once spoke up against him. And it was true. No one offered citizenship above to the scums of the Underground. “I could wait some time… until you guys are done with this job and get your citizenships…” she looked at Levi “…you’d come back for me, wouldn’t you?” She asked, and it almost felt like she was pleading. He wouldn’t abandon her, would he. She had given him her heart, her mind, her body, her soul. She had given him everything. He had confessed he wanted to marry her and live with her. He wouldn’t leave her… would he?

“Of course, I would,” Levi sighed and she smiled at him.

“Levi,” Furlan drew his attention. “If you get citizenship and you marry her aboveground, then she’s going to get a citizenship too,” He scratched his head. “Or at least that’s most likely what’s going to happen. We’ll have to look into it once we get up there,”

Isabel gasped. “So you and Levi-bro are getting married?!” She pulled her head off of Eleanor’s shoulder and looked up at her with wide eyes in excitement.

Eleanor giggled. “Maybe,”

“We are,” Levi stood up and approached Eleanor who was sitting on the couch with Isabel. He knelt down in front of her and took her arm in his own. “Eleanor… will you be my wife?” He knew she didn’t really have another option in this, but he had to ask anyway. He had confessed what he wanted with her, but she hadn’t directly answered to him. He had to make sure she was going to be happy with him.

Eleanor smiled at him a bright smile and looked down at him with glassy eyes. “Y- Yes!” She knelt down in front of him to his height and pulled him into a tight hug, burying her face in his shoulder and shutting her eyes. “Of course, I will… I love you,” She mumbled against his shirt. His arms slipped tightly around her and brought her close as he buried his face in her neck and shut his eyes.

“I love you too, my sweet Eleanor,” His hand reached up and pale fingers buried within the black locks of her hair.

He hated this. He didn’t want this to happen. He didn’t want to leave her out of his sight not even a second. The past few months, he knew he would return back home by the end of the day and he’d find her there and he’d hold her in the nights and keep her safe. She was responding well to his teachings, but she wasn’t yet ready to live alone in the Underground without him, without his protection. She was a woman. As much as sexist it sounds, women in the Underground did not make it. Men barely survived.

“Two days,” Levi pulled back. He stood up and pulled her up on her feet as well. His arm found its way around her waist and pulled her against him as he cupped her face with his other hand. “That’s all this mission is going to take. Two days,” He promised and he looked at the other two. “I will not leave her alone down here for anymore than that,”

“I could stay, Levi-bro!”

“No, you’re a kid. You’re coming,” Furlan insisted. “I’ll stay,”

“I’ll need your help killing this bastard,” Levi sighed heavily and he looked back at his beloved Eleanor who gave him a soft smile. “I’ll come back for you. I promise,”

Eleanor smiled. “Your promise is enough for me,”

<span class=”yellow”>༻</span><span class=”rose”>❁</span><span class=”yellow”>༺</span>

They were to depart the next day. So, Eleanor held him tight that night, and so did he. He buried his face in her hair whilst she buried her face in his neck. He hated this. God, he hated this so much, he didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to go anywhere. He’d hold her like this forever if he could. She kept her eyes closed as she breathed him in. His arms were around her. His one arm had snuck beneath her gown, touching the smooth skin of her shoulder blades, the small of her back, her shoulder. He drew her scent in his nostrils, soothing him, and her arms just tightened a little bit more around his torso.

She was scared. He could tell. She just held him so tight. Her eyes shut as she nuzzled into him, gathering every bit of affection she could get from him because there was no one else that could give it to her. And there was no one else that could give it to him. He needed her. He needed her beside him at all times. Two days, he reminded himself. Two days and no more. He couldn’t allow to let her – a defenceless woman alone in the Underground. People would try to get their hands on her. She was going to find herself in some other human trafficking wave, or some brothel where she was going to be used in the worst way possible.

Levi shivered just on the thought of that.

“Oi,” He spoke, urging her to loosen her hold slightly from around him and lift her head up and face him. He cupped her tender cheek and ran his thumb across the sensitive flesh. He could already tell how she was feeling and what she was thinking with just one look at her troubled bright purple eyes. “Two days. I’ll be back for you. I’ll be back and never leave you ever again, is that clear?” Levi looked down at her and she looked up at him and she seemed better this time.

“O- Okay,”

“You’ll be safe. You can make it,” Levi’s arms slipped tightly around her, settling her small body on top of his own. Her forehead met his own. Her nose nuzzled against his. “Stick to the things I taught you,”

Eleanor nodded again. Her eyes became glassy, filled with tears that threatened to spill down his cheeks. She wasn’t going to make it. But she didn’t care about that. The only thing she could think of was him not making it. It was him being devoured by the jaws of a titan and never making it back to her. And never getting to fulfil his promise of marrying her aboveground. Having a normal, happy life and a cosy home and children. They’d never get to that. And her tears spilled down his cheeks anyway. They were warm and salty but she still nodded and shakily repeated another broken okay.

He hated watching her like this. He hated it more than anything. It was happening all over again. The last time, it was him watching Kenny leave. It was him watching his mother die. He was too useless to do anything to keep them both, and now, he was leaving her. A strong adult with combat skills and life experience and he was still leaving her and failing to protect her and keep her safe.

His arms tightened around her as she buried her face back in his neck. She caught his shirt in her fingers, clinging on him. Her legs parted around him, pressing down on the mattress in each side of his waist. She shut her eyes, pushing more tears down her cheeks, soaking them and his shirt. Levi covered them both properly beneath the blanket, and his one hand slipped away from her back and reached her hair. Fingers buried into the messy black locks and brought her closer to him as she let out a soft, silent sob.

Levi pressed a warm kiss on her temple. “You’re going to make it, Eleanor-”

“I don’t care about me,” She lifted her face up so that she could look at him. Wet purple eyes met his own as she pressed her forehead on top of his. His hand reached for her face, cupping her cheeks and wiping away the wet stains of her tears. “W- What about you? W- What if you don’t make it? Most people die in the Survey Corps, what if you’re one of them? What if I never see you again-” Her tears were countless now and her voice trembled, but he wiped away the dampness from her cheeks and he cut her.

“You’ll see me again,” Silver eyes met her own and then he looked down at her quivering lips. “I promise this to you. I’ll make it back to you. I’ll take you with me aboveground, and I’m going to marry you,” He brought her closer, catching her lips in a tense kiss, sealing his promise with a kiss.

And the trembling stopped. She kissed him back just as fervently. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and found his hair, burying her fingers into them. His tongue, delicious and sweet on her own. His arms, warm around her, pressing her flushed against him, tighter and tighter but she didn’t care one bit.

He rolled them over and she gasped in his mouth but he kissed her again. He kissed her hard, pushing her head back against his pillows. His arms and legs planted around her on the mattress. His mouth on her own. Her own arms tightly around him. She wouldn’t have it any other way.

“I love you…” She mumbled in his mouth and parted her lips for him to slip his tongue back in. “…I love you so much,” He made her feel safe. Safe and reassured, and for a moment, she was certain that he had convinced her. She knew Levi was a strong man. She knew nothing out there could take him from her. He was going to come back. He had promised.

“I love you too, my sweet Eleanor,”

<span class=”yellow”>༻</span><span class=”rose”>❁</span><span class=”yellow”>༺</span>

And it was next morning that they had to go. They strapped in on their ODM Gear. They checked their gas supplies and the effectiveness of their handles. They had the breakfast she made them, and then they walked out of their doorstep. No luggage. Nothing was needed. The target was going to find them itself, they said. So, Eleanor watched them. It was alright. They had to do this. They had to get their citizenships and live free aboveground, in the sun rich lands and the rustling sound of leaves and bright greenery beneath the bright blue sky.

And then Levi was going to come back for her. Two days. She kept reminding herself. She was going to make it. Right? Two days. All she had to do was do what she had always done. Let them hurt her and hit her but never touch her in places only Levi was allowed to. Goodness, she knew it was precious what Levi had given her. Safety. Food. Warmth. Reassurance. After all those years of living alone down here in this horrible place that held no place for a woman except brothels and bedrooms and the one of a housemaid. She was dependent too much on Levi. She loved him. Goodness, she loved him. What was she going to do without him?

She knew people in the Underground did not keep their promises, but she had put her faith on Levi. She had so blindingly fallen for him. She had so blindingly chosen to trust him and hand over her heart in his hands. But he had to go. He had to do this one last job.

So, after she hugged Isabel tight and she greeted both her and Furlan goodbye, Levi was waiting behind the two of them. His hands, dipped in the pockets of his pants. A small, invisible smile on his face that she had learned to spot and recognise. She approached him and he approached her, and she fell straight into his arms.

Eleanor buried her face in his neck. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and gathered his scent in her nostrils. She shut her eyes tight. She already had tears about to drop. All of her previous masters either sold her away or abandoned her in some street. But he was leaving. He was leaving and she had no idea whether he was going to make it back no matter how much his words reassured and soothed her. His arms were tight around her waist as he buried his face in her shoulder, her black, loose, silky hair.

So be it then. He had to go. She had to be left behind. She was going to make it. But he had to kiss her goodbye first. He had to leave one last, small memory of him back with her. One that she was going to hold onto. And she wasn’t going to cry yet. She would have plenty of time to cry later, on her own, because he had brought her dreams to reality, even for just a little.

Levi cupped her cheek and looked down at her. She had glassy eyes, but a smile on her lips. She stared up at him in adoration. He brushed a lock of hair away from her face and behind her ear. His rough thumb ran across her cheek in a gentle, warm movement. His smile was more visible up close. She committed this moment to memory.

He pressed his forehead against her own. He took her one hand in his own and placed it on top of his white shirt on his chest – on his heart. “This… I’m leaving this behind with you,” Levi said, and she could almost feel his heart throbbing intensely beneath her palm. “I’ll come back for you,”

She couldn’t believe this was happening. She was convinced she loved this man. She loved him – he loved her. She cupped his face, leaning close. “Kiss me, Levi…” She muttered. “…kiss me goodbye, my love,”

And he did. She hadn’t called him like that before. He kissed her. He kissed her hard and she melted right into his arms like she always did. She was like an angel, there, in her ankle-length skirt, her white shirt, her black, loose hair, bright purple, unique eyes. His angel. His future wife.

And when he pulled back, his taste, still on her tongue as she watched all three of them beginning to maneuver away down the streets. And she was left alone in that dirty little street. And only then did she allow her tears to fall. She hoped.

But this was the last time she saw him.

A/N: Aaaaaand this is the end... for now. Lemme know if you want a sequel in the comments below! Happy Levi Month!

#snk #aot #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #levi ackerman #leviackerman #levi x oc #levi x reader #levi x y/n #levi attack on titan #levi #captain levi #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi ackerman smut #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman x you #levi aot #levi fluff #levi heichou #levi smut #levi x reader smut #levi x you #shingeki no kyoujin levi #snk levi #yandere levi ackerman x reader

[tocinephile]

T'was the night before the Oscars...

Here we are again. The final stab at a decent award show ceremony amidst a global pandemic. I'm not getting my hopes up after the Golden Globes and SAG zoom calls, in fact I've read very little about the upcoming ceremonies since they announced they would not be using zoom... and then promptly reversed that decision.

It would seem no matter how late we delay the Oscars, I still find myself the night before the show scrambling to watch all the Best Picture nominees. It also hasn't slipped my mind all the promises I'd made to discuss my top films of 2020 and the things I would not have seen if not for this global catastrophe. Having had a number of conversations with fellow cinephiles, many have also found themselves very unenthused about award season contenders, dramatic pictures or anything with heavier content so to speak, or even movies in general. The struggle to concentrate is real.

I'm going to get right into my list of predictions with the caveats that I have yet to see Sound of Metal, and I have to watch the second half of Judas and the Black Messiah after I hit 'post' here. You will find as we go through, there's lots more I haven't seen.

Best Picture

“The Father”

“Judas and the Black Messiah”

“Mank”

“Minari”

“Nomadland” - Will win

“Promising Young Woman” - Should win (though I liked Nomadland very much as well)

“Sound of Metal”

“The Trial of the Chicago 7”

Best Director

Thomas Vinterberg (“Another Round”)

David Fincher (“Mank”) - excellent director but I actually don't think he left his mark on Mank as much as he did many of his other films, I've questioned previously whether he should have gotten the nomination

Lee Isaac Chung (“Minari”)

Chloé Zhao (“Nomadland”) - Will win/should win

Emerald Fennell (“Promising Young Woman”)

Best Actor in a Leading Role - very strong contenders all around in this category, every one of them (I'm sure I'll have the same reaction about Riz Ahmed) made me say "holy shit" in amazement out loud

Riz Ahmed (“Sound of Metal”)

Chadwick Boseman (“Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom”) - Will win/should win

Anthony Hopkins (“The Father”)

Gary Oldman (“Mank”)

Steven Yeun (“Minari”)

Best Actress in a Leading Role

Viola Davis (“Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom”) - I think if not Andra Day, then Viola will win it

Andra Day (“The United States v. Billie Holiday”) - Will win?/should win

Vanessa Kirby (“Pieces of a Woman”)

Frances McDormand (“Nomadland”)

Carey Mulligan (“Promising Young Woman”)

Best Actor in a Supporting Role

Sacha Baron Cohen (“The Trial of the Chicago 7”) - I think he's also got a decent shot in this category

Daniel Kaluuya (“Judas and the Black Messiah”) - Will win/should win

Leslie Odom Jr. (“One Night in Miami”)

Paul Raci (“Sound of Metal”)

Lakeith Stanfield (“Judas and the Black Messiah”)

Best Actress in a Supporting Role

Maria Bakalova (‘Borat Subsequent Moviefilm”) - truth be told I didn't think her performance was so great that she should get an Oscar nomination for it

Glenn Close (“Hillbilly Elegy”)

Olivia Colman (“The Father”) - another potentially unpopular comment... while I think Olivia Colman is one of the best actresses and most delightful people in existence, given her range and talent I don't she particularly excelled in The Father to make it an Oscar-worthy performance.

Amanda Seyfried (“Mank”)

Yuh-jung Youn (“Minari”) - Will win/should win

Best Animated Feature Film - I only saw one film so I have no basis for comparison

“Onward” (Pixar)

“Over the Moon” (Netflix)

“A Shaun the Sheep Movie: Farmageddon” (Netflix)

“Soul” (Pixar) - will win

“Wolfwalkers” (Apple TV Plus/GKIDS)

Best Adapted Screenplay

“Borat Subsequent Moviefilm.” Screenplay by Sacha Baron Cohen, Anthony Hines, Dan Swimer, Peter Baynham, Erica Rivinoja, Dan Mazer, Jena Friedman, Lee Kern; Story by Sacha Baron Cohen, Anthony Hines, Dan Swimer, Nina Pedrad

“The Father,” Christopher Hampton and Florian Zeller - should win...and will win?

“Nomadland,” Chloé Zhao

“One Night in Miami,” Kemp Powers - might also win?

“The White Tiger,” Ramin Bahrani

Best Original Screenplay

“Judas and the Black Messiah.” Screenplay by Will Berson, Shaka King; Story by Will Berson, Shaka King, Kenny Lucas, Keith Lucas

“Minari,” Lee Isaac Chung

“Promising Young Woman,” Emerald Fennell - 50/50 will win/definitely should win tho!

“Sound of Metal.” Screenplay by Darius Marder, Abraham Marder; Story by Darius Marder, Derek Cianfrance

“The Trial of the Chicago 7,” Aaron Sorkin - 50/50 will win... I really didn't get onboard this movie, but I will say the script was the best thing about it

Best Original Song - I'm not even going to venture a guess...

“Fight for You,” (“Judas and the Black Messiah”). Music by H.E.R. and Dernst Emile II; Lyric by H.E.R. and Tiara Thomas

“Hear My Voice,” (“The Trial of the Chicago 7”). Music by Daniel Pemberton; Lyric by Daniel Pemberton and Celeste Waite

“Húsavík,” (“Eurovision Song Contest”). Music and Lyric by Savan Kotecha, Fat Max Gsus and Rickard Göransson

“Io Si (Seen),” (“The Life Ahead”). Music by Diane Warren; Lyric by Diane Warren and Laura Pausini

“Speak Now,” (“One Night in Miami”). Music and Lyric by Leslie Odom, Jr. and Sam Ashworth

Best Original Score - I actually didn't think much of any of the scores in any of the films I've seen in 2020...

“Da 5 Bloods,” Terence Blanchard

“Mank,” Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross

“Minari,” Emile Mosseri

“News of the World,” James Newton Howard

“Soul,” Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross, Jon Batiste - will win

Best Sound - I suspect it might be Sound of Metal but I haven't watched it yet. I've also not seen Greyhound.

“Greyhound,” Warren Shaw, Michael Minkler, Beau Borders and David Wyman

“Mank,” Ren Klyce, Jeremy Molod, David Parker, Nathan Nance and Drew Kunin

“News of the World,” Oliver Tarney, Mike Prestwood Smith, William Miller and John Pritchett

“Soul,” Ren Klyce, Coya Elliott and David Parker

“Sound of Metal,” Nicolas Becker, Jaime Baksht, Michelle Couttolenc, Carlos Cortés and Phillip Bladh

Best Costume Design

“Emma,” Alexandra Byrne - will win

“Mank,” Trish Summerville

“Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom,” Ann Roth - should win

“Mulan,” Bina Daigeler - should also win

“Pinocchio,” Massimo Cantini Parrini

Best Animated Short Film - I didn't watch a single Oscar-nominated short this year

“Burrow” (Disney Plus/Pixar)

“Genius Loci” (Kazak Productions)

“If Anything Happens I Love You” (Netflix)

“Opera” (Beasts and Natives Alike)

“Yes-People” (CAOZ hf. Hólamói)

Best Live-Action Short Film - I didn't watch a single Oscar-nominated short this year

“Feeling Through”

“The Letter Room”

“The Present”

“Two Distant Strangers”

“White Eye”

Best Cinematography

“Judas and the Black Messiah,” Sean Bobbitt

“Mank,” Erik Messerschmidt - will win/should win

“News of the World,” Dariusz Wolski

“Nomadland,” Joshua James Richards

“The Trial of the Chicago 7,” Phedon Papamichael

Best Documentary Feature - I thought I watched a decent number of docs in 2020, but apparently not the right ones because I saw none of these.

“Collective,” Alexander Nanau and Bianca Oana

“Crip Camp,” Nicole Newnham, Jim LeBrecht and Sara Bolder

“The Mole Agent,” Maite Alberdi and Marcela Santibáñez

“My Octopus Teacher,” Pippa Ehrlich, James Reed and Craig Foster

“Time,” Garrett Bradley, Lauren Domino and Kellen Quinn

Best Documentary Short Subject - I didn't watch a single Oscar-nominated short this year

“Colette,” Anthony Giacchino and Alice Doyard

“A Concerto Is a Conversation,” Ben Proudfoot and Kris Bowers

“Do Not Split,” Anders Hammer and Charlotte Cook

“Hunger Ward,” Skye Fitzgerald and Michael Scheuerman

“A Love Song for Latasha,” Sophia Nahli Allison and Janice Duncan

Best Film Editing

“The Father,” Yorgos Lamprinos - 50/50 will win/should win

“Nomadland,” Chloé Zhao

“Promising Young Woman,” Frédéric Thoraval

“Sound of Metal,” Mikkel E.G. Nielsen

“The Trial of the Chicago 7,” Alan Baumgarten - 50/50 will win

Best International Feature Film

“Another Round” (Denmark) - will win

“Better Days” (Hong Kong) - should win (yes, because I'm biased, plus it's also the only other film aside from Another Round that I've seen in this category and I liked it a lot better, but also, just because it's very fine film)

“Collective” (Romania)

“The Man Who Sold His Skin” (Tunisia)

“Quo Vadis, Aida?”(Bosnia and Herzegovina)

Best Makeup and Hairstyling

“Emma,” Marese Langan, Laura Allen, Claudia Stolze - will win

“Hillbilly Elegy,” Eryn Krueger Mekash, Patricia Dehaney, Matthew Mungle

“Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom,” Sergio Lopez-Rivera, Mia Neal, Jamika Wilson - should win

“Mank,” Kimberley Spiteri, Gigi Williams, Colleen LaBaff

“Pinocchio,” Mark Coulier, Dalia Colli, Francesco Pegoretti

Best Production Design

“The Father.” Production Design: Peter Francis; Set Decoration: Cathy Featherstone - I don't think this is the best Production Design but I do think it's underrated what they did and that it should be recognized a different kind of creativity went into designing the sets for this film.

“Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom.” Production Design: Mark Ricker; Set Decoration: Karen O’Hara and Diana Stoughton

“Mank.” Production Design: Donald Graham Burt; Set Decoration: Jan Pascale - will win? I do think the Production Design was spectacular...

“News of the World.” Production Design: David Crank; Set Decoration: Elizabeth Keenan

“Tenet.” Production Design: Nathan Crowley; Set Decoration: Kathy Lucas - should win

Best Visual Effects

“Love and Monsters,” Matt Sloan, Genevieve Camilleri, Matt Everitt and Brian Cox

“The Midnight Sky,” Matthew Kasmir, Christopher Lawrence, Max Solomon and David Watkins

“Mulan,” Sean Faden, Anders Langlands, Seth Maury and Steve Ingram

“The One and Only Ivan,” Nick Davis, Greg Fisher, Ben Jones and Santiago Colomo Martinez

“Tenet,” Andrew Jackson, David Lee, Andrew Lockley and Scott Fisher - will win/should win... like why would it not win??

Ok, I wasn't very decisive in some of those categories and since I'm taking part in an Oscar pool I will have to make some choices and refine my selections before tomorrow. I will share my final Oscar pool pics, do my part bombarding everyone's twitter tomorrow evening, and review after the awards where it all went right/wrong.

#oscar predictions #academyaward

[mgares]

HOW TO BUY A HOUSE - IN 3 EASY STEPS

There is a lot of confusion out there about how to become a Homeowner so I thought I would take a moment and put it into Average Joe speak. That, and in my experience, some people go about it totally backwards which is counter productive to the end goal.

STEP 1. - ASSESS YOUR FINANCES

This is fairly simple. Eliminate non-essentials from your spending budget and stick it in the piggy bank. Modify spending habits to generate savings. Make short-term lifestyle changes.

It's just temporary and if canceling monthly memberships (Netflix, Gyms, Any Subscriptions), adjusting your shopping habits [I got some great tips for this], or eliminating other non-essential spending allows you to keep more money in your pocket to get a home versus flushing rent dollars down the proverbial toilet? Bit of a no-brainer if you ask me.

Bottom line is you have to have money ready-to-hand for the transaction. Even with the "zero down" options like VA and some USDA loans; just to name a couple.

There are inspections, appraisals, escrow funds, repairs, home warranty policies, property taxes, closing costs, and other such considerations that must be paid in order to get a home of your own.

"Do Not Save What Is Left After Spending; Instead Spend What is Left After Saving" - Warren Buffett

Figure out what kind of a down payment your financial situation will allow for. The more, the better, but very few people I know got 20% of the purchase price [a.k.a. - conventional/bank loan] sitting around collecting dust. Good news is you don't necessarily have to have that much.

One of the most common loans is a FHA that only asks for 3-5% down AND there are down payment assistance programs out there if you are really Stuck Like Chuck when it comes to finances. NOTE: This does NOT mean they are going to give you ALL of your down payment; you gotta have some chips in that poker game too.

I like to recommend that people shoot for at least 6-8% of the purchase price of the "kind of home they want" just to make sure all the bases are covered - down payment AND cost(s) of the transaction. Folks, that's a lesser down payment than Owner Finance options for the same "kind of home" as Owners generally ask for 10-15% down.

This total can be a combination of self-savings, down payment assistance, assets that can be used as collateral against the loan, monetary or tangible gifts from friends/family members in some few cases, and more.

Each person is unique and different in how that 6-8% manifests and lenders can vary in what form(s) of down payment they will accept.

EXAMPLE:

Purchase Price: $150k

FHA Down Pymt (3-5%): $4,500 - $7,500

Other Cost(s): (3% +/-): $4,500

Total Savings Needed: $9,000 - $12,000

Kill some bills, sell your "junk" - we all got crap laying around the house we don't use worth money in various amounts - and modify spending habits in a positive manner.

If you are a two car family... can you get by with just one vehicle on a temporary basis [turn that car, and its bills, "into" a house]? Perhaps you have a skill set or piece of equipment that can earn you extra cash here and there on your terms? What changes to your lifestyle can you make that will put another dime or dollar into that kitty bucket?

Finally, do whatever it is you need to do to put those greenbacks into a savings method you can stick with. Whether that is a traditional banking institution or an old shoe box under the bed; you do you. If this means you have to ask someone in a position of trust to hold it so you don't spend it? Guess what you should consider doing?

STEP 2. - TALK TO LENDERS

Let's talk about the "When" of contacting a lender. The only true answer to "When" is... When You Are Ready and only you know how Ready you feel.

I've had clients express the sheer dread they felt about reaching out to a lender and it's an understandable fear. One of my people even said that they felt applying to lenders and having them see their credit condition was akin to stripping naked in front of a total stranger.

But, and as I told my client... think of it like going to the doctor for a full physical exam. Hospital gown over your birthday suit and all. Lenders are professionals there to do a job. They do NOT judge or speculate just because they have intimate knowledge of or about you.

If you suspect you may have some homework to do, credit wise, then it's better to contact a lender sooner rather than later. This allows you to get a game plan together and knock out credit related targets while you are saving funds for your down payment goal. Once completed, you are able to resume your application with confidence moving forward.

"Everything You Want Is On The Other Side of Fear" - Jack Canefield

However, if you are one of the few who feel their credit profile will be a "non-issue" then my suggestion becomes waiting to speak to lenders until you have most, if not all, of your down payment goal met.

When applying to a lender always ask if they perform a Soft or Hard inquiry against your credit report. Most of the lenders I know [and I will list two of my favorites for you here in a second] will execute a Soft Credit Inquiry to determine credit worthiness. This Soft Inquiry does not impact or affect your credit score - should such be a matter of concern to you.

Something else I've noticed is that people don't seem to understand shopping for lender is very much like shopping for an automobile. The overall requirements of any one particular lender (or dealership) can be totally different from a fellow lender's (or dealership's).

Just because one says "No" does not mean they will all will say "No". And even if the first lender tells you "Yes"... I would still encourage you to apply to more than one who does Soft Inquiries. Compare apples to oranges to find the best fit for your home purchasing needs by reviewing interest rates, terms of repayment, mutual rights and remedies, and so on and so forth.

Only after you have secured lender approval (which may be conditional based on various factors) and they have given you the green light to shop up to the amount of $X.00 do you move on to Step 3.

STEP 3 - FIND YOUR REALTOR

The vast majority of the population feels the path to homeownership is "finding the home and then buying it" - through a Real Estate agent. This is NOT the case.

Selecting an agent to help navigate you through the complexities of The Offer and Purchase process is the absolute LAST step to be taken.

What Happens When You Do It Backwards:

You shop for, and find, that PERFECT place and then reach out to an an agent or contact the website that is listing that property. The agent involved determines you haven't spoken with a lender and may now recommend one to get the process started.

Just to let you know... most of us agents are unable to do much of anything at this point without your having secured a lender first. There are some agents out there who are also qualified mortgage consultants but I, personally, haven't met one yet so I don't know how they work.

At this point the agent may also put you on an e-mailer list that scouts the MLS's and regularly sends you properties "matching" the ideal home that you originally asked about.

Why?

Because "that home may not still be there when you are in a position to buy". That's agent speak for... this is gonna take a bit of second and that property will most likely have sold by the time we get you lender approved.

I can't emphasize enough the fact that we agents don't "GET" you that house - the lender does that by providing the loan to pay for it. Us agents help you shop for a home and protect your best interests when buying it.

We deal with the butt-ton of technical paperwork coming/going from every which-a-way at all hours of the day, manage the contract negotiations, handle scheduling and execution of services by professional providers involved in the transaction, are your personal defacto counselor/moral support during the stress mess of buying, and more. None of which can be done until a lender gives us the green light to begin.

Well, most folks aren't mentally or emotionally prepared to reach out to said lender on the fly like this. Fears of "what that lender will see" or personal misgivings about "not qualifying" due to credit condition can halt the whole process at this point. Perhaps leaving you with negative emotions about the whole experience thus far.

But, for the sake of argument let's say you muster up the courage to reach out to a lender anyway. You'll discover that they are people too - most with a generous heart and helpful personality.

You might even discover that your credit was nowhere near as bad as you had built it up in your mind to be. Or, the lender may come back with a little homework for you. Take care of This and That and we'll be able to get you into a home.

The "whammy" of doing it in reverse order like this is that the lender will also share that you will need X thousands of dollars as a down payment to make that happen. Talk about a case of sticker shock!

Obviously, this can be discouraging and disheartening. To overcome one obstacle only run smack dab into another you weren't prepared to tackle? It may start to feel like you are looking up the side of a mountain, the goal of owning a home clearly in your line of sight, but you lack the climbing equipment (not to mention the funds to acquire such) to reach the summit.

It may feel like "that's it, game over" at this point. I know because I, too, approached home ownership azz-backwards like this before I became a Realtor. Felt like someone had ripped a bit of my soul away and left me frustrated and crying inside my heart and mind.

DON'T give up on yourself or your dream of home ownership. Back up, regroup, and attack that goal again. This time, in the correct sequence of events.

"You May Have To Fight A Battle More Than Once To Win It" - Margaret Thatcher

Do this and I promise you that there will be no better feeling in the world than those you experience at the closing table when you are finally handed the keys to your very own home.

Disclaimer: Opinion Editorial for educational and/or informational purposes. Content presented is deemed accurate and/or reliable at the time of authorship. Any errors or omissions present in material(s) are unintentional. You are encouraged to execute your own research.

#MGARES #VirtualPropertyRealty.com #homegoals #househunting #homebuying #realestate #realestateagent

[mannapolis]

9 August, 2019

I've never been convinced that talking about the rape was something that could do me any good. I mean, it surely would have done some good if I could have shared that terrible experience soon after it happened but there was absolutely nobody that I could trust to such a degree and my mother was and is the last person to whom I would like to talk about it. I don't remember how I managed to conceal from her my black eye and swollen nose that was probably broken (I never had an x-ray done to confirm that).

Recently, I came across a documentary about a Romanian woman who was kidnapped when she was eighteen, if I remember correctly. She was raped by a gang of men who kept her captive for a week or so and who then sold her to another gang; she was again raped by its members, taken abroad and forced to prostitute herself… She had no sexual experience before those things happened. It's absolutely impossible to imagine what she (and tens of thousands of other violated women around the world) has gone through. I know that even I can't imagine that although I was a victim of a brutal gang rape. But it wasn't my first sexual experience. I considered myself rather experienced when it happened, although I was only sixteen. And my ordeal lasted ”only” a few hours.

As I'm writing this I realise that there is a strong resistance in me against recalling that event. It's the most natural reaction and I keep wondering whether it's useful to dig up that grave. Perhaps, it is. That documentary made me realise something that I wasn't aware of. It isn't the rape itself that constitutes this tragic event. The rape itself was ”just” an unwanted sexual intercourse. I don’t want to belittle that part. It's a horrible thing to be forced to sexual act with three disgusting, stinking, aggressive, drunk, old men. This horrible memory is something I got and cannot, no matter what, get rid of.

But I forgot about the thing I have LOST, that I will not, no matter what, get back. The documentary about that girl made me realise it. She was talking about her experience with emotionless tone of voice that often shocks people (I remember that reaction from my group therapy where I mentioned the rape for the very first time). People can't understand how someone can talk about such horrible things showing absolutely no emotions. This is how we protect ourselves. I was caught by surprise when I started crying and couldn't stop sobbing as I was watching the documentary although I have never shed a tear for my own suffering.

What have I lost? Things that we take for granted (again). The sense of feeling secure in the world. Sure, I had known that evil existed but to know about evil and to be touched by it are two different things.

I've lost my innocence by being forced to perform sexual acts that perhaps I'd never have chosen to perform of my own will. I didn't lose my virginity but I lost my purity. Once you lose your purity, you can never be completely clean again. The touch of evil leaves a stinking stain on your soul and there is no such thing as soul cleaner.

I've lost a sense of personal boundaries. They had never been developed properly but an experience like this demolishes your boundaries to the ground. Some women having experienced sexual violence close themselves up completely. It's their way of re-establishing personal boundaries but such rigid and impermeable boundaries become a personal prison cell. Other women drop their boundaries completely and become sluts. I switch between both modes.

I lost the sense of being in control of my life. Again, it wasn't well developed to begin with but I definitely lost the possibility to develop it properly. Somehow the reins of my life keep sliding out of my hands as if they were covered with grease. I expect a catastrophe every single day and it's difficult to plan and implement while being in the state of constant threat.

------------------------------------

I thought I should elaborate on the peace of mind I wrote about a couple of days ago. I realise that this expression quite vaguely describes the state I was in.

What did I mean by the peace of mind? First of all, two days later I'm not experiencing it quite the same. Maybe I'm getting used to it or, more likely, I'm slipping back into old thinking habits.

Back then, before the final cut I lived in constant anticipation, anxiety, longing and heartache. My heart was like a skittish animal, always trembling, insecure, jumpy. My mind on the other hand was continuously analysing my status in relation to F. I was continuously trying to figure out if he cares about me, how much, why not, whether there was anything I could do to show I'm worthy of being cared about. These questions were mixed with self-provided answers which I used to torture myself. Let's have a look at the rich repertoire of torture tools:

He doesn't care about me. Of course he doesn't care about me. He would if I was actually talented, smart, successful, young, beautiful… He would if I wasn't such a pathetic lobster from the bottom of the social hierarchy. I don't deserve a loving man because I'm a terrible mother, a completely worthless human being with no right to live among people. I should try and do something useful and meaningful with my life to win his love but I can't. I'll never do anything useful and meaningful with my life. A sad forty-two year old woman is of no use for any decent man. All I can hope for is a dick in my mouth… Oh god, could someone just end this torture and thrust a dagger in my heart? No, of course not. I don't deserve a noble death. I should slowly rot alive. That's my future…

All I ever wanted was to find someone to love who would love me the same way, someone I could trust completely, someone to share my dreams and nightmares, joys and fears, pains and pleasures… But what do I know about love? Apparently nothing. I look around and see people enjoying the comfort of deep and committed relationships and I keep asking myself: what is wrong with me? I've always known that I'm not a typical desired wife material but I thought I could find a compatible puzzle piece to make a great team. I guess I'm a broken puzzle piece and there is no way I could pair up with anyone for life. I know that deep inside I still have some hope but I also know that I will never make it to the happy ending. My Groundhog Day will always be the same...

Farewell peace of mind. Hello darkness my old friend…

How naive it was to think that peace of mind would stay with me. The only thing that will always be there for me is my depression, my only true companion till death do us part.

4 September, my own reply:

Darling!

I'm SO sorry that you have felt that way. I know it was awful. You felt so terribly mistreated and you thought it was your fault because due to your childhood experiences you have learnt to blame yourself for other people's lack of respect for you.

You are not a broken puzzle piece! And there is nothing inherently wrong with you! You just need a lot of love! And I'm going to give it to You! I love You! I love you very much! I'm sorry I haven't told you that before. I… I was confused myself. But I think I finally caught the Ariadne's thread and now I can slowly guide us out of this maze. Please, be patient with me. I can still get a bit confused at times but it doesn't mean I stopped loving you. It only means that I need to come back to my senses.

Please, reach out for me any time you need me, any time you feel that you are falling back into old thinking habits. I'll hug you, and kiss you and reassure you of my love.

You wrote: ”Oh god, could someone just end this torture and thrust a dagger in my heart?” See, your request was granted. F thrust a dagger into your heart. A few conclusion on that:

Ask God, and he will listen and give you what you ask for if he decides that this is something that you need.

Don't ask God for stupid things (I know it's not always easy to know which things are stupid but you can learn to tell stupid from smart)

God decided you needed to have that dagger thrust into your heart because it was the only way to make you realize that you have to PROTECT your heart, instead of just throwing it at random people hoping they'll catch it. That's not the way to treat your HEART. I understand that nobody taught you how to take care of it but finally I am here to do that. Actually I don't know how to do that, either, but I'll be reading, studying, learning, meditating and, most importantly, LISTENING TO your/my heart attentively.

Ok, maybe it was a bit naive to think that peace of mind will stay with you. It's not a thing, not a person or an animal. It can't just stay with you. It's a state of body and mind that can be achieved through conscious effort (at least in the beginning). And don't expect it to be permanent. We'll find eternal peace after death but here, on this planet, we live in a constant flow of different emotions - it's called life 😊

”Think of all the desperate, wounded people there are on the treadmill of what they think is love, and yet they can’t get off.

They’re searching for someone who will heal them and make them feel whole, but that person is not out there. No one can meet our deepest needs, no matter how hard we try, but yet we keep on searching.

My mom used to say, It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack.The only problem with love addiction is there isn’t even a needle to be found.”

https://www.thehopeline.com/24-is-there-a-cure-for-love-addiction/

”To get free from love addiction, we must clearly understand how deeply the cravings for love penetrate our hearts. It’s what comes out of our hearts that affects everything else we do. There is no deeper emotional desire we have than to love and be loved.

King Solomon, whose been called the wisest man in the Bible, said:

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”

”Emotionally, our hearts are extremely fragile and can be easily hurt, therefore sending us in the wrong direction of life. Our innermost being started out as a beautiful creation of God, but with wrong choices we can easily trash it and leave it sick and in great need.

Picture in your mind for a moment a beautiful white carpet (perfectly white). Then picture someone coming in to the room where the white carpet is, and throwing garbage, manure, and staining paint all over the carpet. The white carpet was never designed to be trashed like that. Something beautiful has become disfigured. That is a lot like our hearts. We, and other people, do not guard our hearts and therefore they become stained and damaged.”

”So where does the healing for love addiction begin? It begins by admitting our hearts are priceless, and affect every area of our lives. We must make a commitment to protect our hearts and not just throw them away looking for love in people and places where love cannot be found. Let us all respect our own hearts.”

”Love Addicts usually didn’t have enough appropriate bonding with their caregivers. Caring transmits the messages, ‘You’re important, you matter, and you are loved,’…when children do not get enough connection and nurture from a parent, they experience serious difficulty with self-esteem. Love Addicts usually experienced much deep pain and sadness and an acute sense of loss during childhood, because a part of themselves was denied the opportunity to grow properly when their caregivers failed to take care of them. This pain and sadness I call ‘the pain of the precious child.’ It goes very deep and back far beyond the earliest conscious memories. As children, Love Addicts experienced enormous fear because they were helpless to create a connection with their caregivers. In counseling they often describe that child-fear as a sense of having a loss of their own breath, as if their air supply had been cut off and they were literally dying [I write this a few months ago as I was trying to write my biography: The first memory I have which includes other people takes place at my grandparents’ house and my mother is there. I was very ill with pneumonia and I was suffocating!!] They also describe being empty because they weren’t filled with nurture by their caregivers. And because they weren’t nurtured for who they were, they had trouble being or liking their natural selves.”

”When you’re hungry, even what tastes bitter tastes good.”

[theskaldsagas]

Inigo and I finally reached the hold of Haafingar. We made our way down toward Dragon Bridge (after clearing out a bandit fort that had been set up as an ambush point for weary travelers - as we passed I had a bad feeling and tried to avoid them, but then I saw one of the Khajiit caravans getting ambushed and felt I needed to help); turns out there's a nice small town at the crossroads before you reach Dragonbridge - it held a blacksmith, where I sold many of the things I liberated from the bandits that had been weighing me and my horses' saddlebags down. The smith seemed glad of the coin, if not the interruption to his work, which he resumed even despite the pouring rain outside. What a dedicated man, eh?

On the way out of this small town I even discovered a brewery - Frost something-or-other Brewery. They make mead with snowberries which was interesting; Inigo and I needed to get out of the rain and warm ourselves, so we went inside the brewery and even tried some of the mead.

I quite enjoyed it, but Inigo seemed indifferent; it was just alcohol to him it seems.

On the way back out, warmed up and warm-feeling, a woman in the fields answered some of my questions about the mead and tasked me with delivering a small keg of it to Winterhold. Seeing as I'm heading back there after our adventures in the hold of Haafingar, I agreed and placed the keg in my horses' saddlebags, for now. Seems quite fitting to sell something so warming in such a cold place as Winterhold. It will be a nice change of pace when I go back there.

After that we crossed the crossroads and rode through Dragonbridge, where we took a short rest at the inn, the Four Shields. I even decided to perform at the inn, though there were not many patrons in at that hour - spell tomes are expensive and I am in much need of the septims!

After that short stop we rode our horses to Solitude, leaving our mounts at the stables and combined farm - called Katla's Farm. Inigo had to chase after me then because I caught sight of the beautiful view from the docks - and the sight of Solitude itself, up on the rock. I must have run through the docks and across the bridge a few times, just enjoying the view.

Finally we went into the city proper, where we were greeted by an execution.

As a Nord and believer in Talos, but as one that is still a loyal citizen of the Empire - or as loyal as a believer can be, I had mixed feelings on this man Roggvir's death.

In the end, I felt at least I could bear witness and pray to Stendarr for mercy on his soul. After everyone had left the stage of this gruesome sight, I went and retrieved his Talos amulet. I'm not sure what possessed me then, other then that I felt someone who appreciates it's meaning and believes in Talos should have it. That it should not have been disposed of so easily.

After this, Inigo and I went to the notice board by the inn to collect some paying odd jobs to do. We also went by the Bards College, a place both Inigo and I wished to go to and honestly the main reason we came to Solitude.

I also spoke to a local war vet now beggar who asked me to get his helmet back. I said I would see what I could do.

After shopping - and I must say this is one thing Solitude does well, it has many great shops - I stopped in at the clothing shop, one of its only like in Skyrim. I was asked in a not so nice way by one of the High Elf shopkeepers there to model this outfit for Elenwen, current Jarl and possibly future High Queen, of Solitude. If I had not been on my way to the Blue Palace anyway (to speak to Falk Firebeard about some local kidnappings I'd heard of from the notice board) and if I hadn't have looked so wonderful in the outfit I wouldn't have done it. But that's how it was so I did.

I was paid well by the High Elf lady and I received a nice outfit to perform songs in for my trouble.

While I was there I heard tell of some trouble at Wolfskull Cave back by Dragonbridge. It sounded of a magical nature and being the curious type I am about these things, I volunteered to go.

But before that Inigo and I relaxed at the Winking Skeever, the local inn, and I performed for the crowded place in my new outfit. It was wonderful and I was paid well. I seem to slowly be getting better at writing songs, it seems! The crowd really seemed to enjoy it.

After that I enjoyed some of the local Spiced Wine and my dinner and went off to sleep.

The next morning Inigo and I left Solitude to complete some various tasks assigned to us. Of course on the way to Dragonbridge, a Nether Dragon began circling us. That's what I get for leaving so early at 5 am - these things love to use the darkness for cover, after all!

It fell quickly between Inigo, myself, and even a female Mercenary in heavy Orcish armor with a bald head who slung Fireballs at the Dovah with the speed of one long practiced. Quite a sight to behold, that was. Toward the tail end the beast swung toward a hidden Stormcloak camp in the woods by the road, and that was when two of them joined in with arrows and sword and shield to help out. I may have sides in both stances of this civil war, but I must say having two of the fiercest fighters in Skyrim on my side was a good feeling, though one of my kinsmen made his way to Sovngarde during the battle. May his soul enjoy the everlasting celebrations of this fight between soldier and dragon!

After the battle was won, the remaining Stormcloak made his way back to the camp which I took the liberty of following him to. I haven't picked a side yet as I mentioned, so they welcomed me to sell the loot from the dragon to their smith and rest a minute by the fire (I tire easily these days - this is due to a type of magic casting I'm currently studying. It lets me cast spells with no Magicka cost so long as I go into a trance before I sleep and attune myself to certain energies; though this casting gets stronger as my magical talent does, it's still limited to a certain number of times to use it before I tire and must rely on other methods to defend myself. Someday I hope this type of casting can bring my kinsmen back to casting spells again without worry; but first I must master it myself, or retire this method and move on - for now I stick to the latter).

During this interlude I borrowed their Alchemy Table and brewed a few simple health potions and a few more complex magicka poisons - the latter having proven to be most useful in the past against enemy mages, who we would be facing shortly.

At long last I made my way to Wolfskull Cave where I found a strange mix of necromancers and draugr. Some of which even fought each other before I was spotted by either one.

Toward the end I stumbled upon a ritual of sorts - and I could feel in my gut that it was dark magic. Inigo and I defeated the necromancers before they could finish the ritual, but not before I caught a glimpse of a female figure floating above the indoor tower where the mages were gathered. As we were finishing the last of them I heard the figure say, "I will not be bound!" and seemingly dissipate. This of course coincided with the defeat of the mage leading the ritual however, so whether this was the spirit they were attempting to raise refusing to play along or elsewise I'm unsure. I get the feeling this won't be the last I hear of these necromancers nor this spirit..

After exiting Wolfskull Cave, we went down toward the shoreline behind Solitude proper - this was where the kidnapped farmers were last seen. I tracked bloodstains to a cave full of Hagravens and found a note on one of the farmers bodies; apparently the fools were hoping to find treasure in this cave. I say fools because they came unarmored with nothing more than a woodsmans' axe to gain this treasure.

On the way back to Solitude, Inigo and I found the next body - in the middle of the road. I can imagine what happened here was a fight between the two for the "treasure". Still, I found one last note directing them to a cave closer to Morthal than Solitude.

On the way toward Morthal, a snowstorm started up. It was so bad I could hardly see the road in front of me, even with my lantern. I tried to go by foot to see better, but the snow had piled up so much it slowed me down more, so we went on horseback slowly, but carefully.

We were attacked by bandits and wolves - hoping to take us unaware in the storm I assume. Quickly dispatched; we took a break to warm up at the bandits fire and continued onward, but by then the snowstorm had worsened.

I find the road toward Morthal by luck, though that seemed to be the end of said luck. I finally realize we will have to break camp or stumble around blind though, so I search for a flat piece of land - and Frost, my horse, gets lost as well.

We end up so lost that I ride straight into the Temple of Meridia - which I was purposefully avoiding. I've never trusted or liked Daedric princes much and I never intended to take this one back it's beacon.

I know this is our location because Meridia speaks to me in such a way that I can not block out her voice.

Thinking I will return this beacon and be done with the whole thing - and also thinking she lead me here knowing I did not wish to do her bidding - Inigo and I hop off our horses and I go up the steps to her statue.

I place the beacon - only to be teleported up thousands of feet into the sky. I scream for Inigo but he looks on helplessly.

I come face to face with the glowing light that claims Meridia's name and she tells me her task: and lets me know she will kill me if I don't do it. Looking down, I grudgingly agree.

She lets me down unharmed and, after claiming the Word Wall next to her statue, Inigo and I tether the horses and enter the Temple.

As we make our way in, Inigo quips, "I hope the reward is worth it. This is quite a task Meridia has assigned us."

I laughingly agree. May that make it worth our while.

So we fulfill this task and during it we enter onto a platform of sorts that looks down onto the shoreline and trees of Solitude proper. Inigo points out the view and I take a moment to etch it into my mind; he's right, it's beautiful, and so I include it (and some etchings of Inigo and myself of course!) above, with an etching of the inside of the Temple for good measure, where I sat upon one of the thrones with Inigo and we laughed about her holiness.

It helped soothe my ego a bit - and the Herbane's Courage set I received was a nice touch, though I felt sorrow and pity finding a Legionaries' body on that platform. I wish I could have buried him. I left a blue mountain flower as a token of thanks instead.

I fear no Daedric princes. I am just wary of them. This man is a good example as to why - there were no enemies on this platform. What killed him if not Meridia? Who can know the inner workings of princes, after all?

Finally by the skin of our teeth (and the help of those poisons I brewed at the Stormcloak camp as well as a Flame Atronach to burn up his undead minions), we defeated Malkoran - and his shade.

Meridia teleported me out of the Temple after that, and back into the sky, where she tried to convince me to be her Champion.

I refused, but said I'd enjoy the sword.

When I came back down from Her Holiness, that was when I saw she'd teleported me out, but not Inigo. Thankfully we have a spell from a crazy old mage to use for that! So I teleported him myself.

He wasn't thrilled to say the least and asked me where I'd gone - I sighed and with a grimace, pointed to the Statue of Meridia above us. He calmed down after that.

The snowstorm has at least died down some, but not enough to go as far as we need. Inigo and I, pulling out the map, made a plan: we'd stop in at Solitude for the night, update our taskmasters on what had happened, possibly collect coin for some of the completed jobs and make our way onward to finish the rest of them after re-stocking a bit.

So, this is where I leave off - in Solitude, at the Winking Skeever.

Soon enough I will have to dismiss Inigo for a time. I dread to do it, but I need to complete the last task the Greybeards assigned me as Dragonborn and for this I feel I need to do it alone. As Dragonborn.

Inigo has his own destiny.

This is another reason I took us to Haafingar Hold and Solitude; I thought we'd enjoy the Bards' College and some local adventuring before I send him off with that crazy old mage in the mountains for a time.

Though I offered to let Inigo stay at my place or even to take over my Riften house, Honeyside. I rarely use Honeyside now that I have Breezehome; I'd have gladly gifted it to him. After all in an odd way it was with his help I made the coin to buy Honeyside.

But he refused, saying even he needs his space. He said it in his trademark Inigo way, completely non-offensively, but I still was a bit hurt. Not to mention I will worry every second he's with that old hermit mage.

But I suppose he can defend himself, and it won't be for long.

Well, on toward Morthal and a few last tasks in Haafingar Hold before then.

Saga

#in character #haafingar hold #solitude #dragonbridge #meridia #daedric princes #dovah