#why am i like this? why can't i just be neurotypical?

[eeveearoace]

do you ever just. get exhausted. by socializing with people. even people you like! but you feel like you're not allowed to leave. so you just stay there. slowly dying. because if you ask to leave, someone complains about you "not wanting to spend time with family" when that isn't true at all! you want to spend time with them, but your energy is depleted and you just want to beg to have a minute to yourself. but it isn't socially acceptable to leave so then you feel like you're freaking out even when it's half an hour after the conversation ended.

or is it just me

#i might delete this post later #i just. i needed to rant im so sorry #but someone legit asked if i didn't want to spend time with them on a family vacation when i wanted to go to my grandparents house #bc i thought there was gonna be a bunch of drunk people partying #and im just. really not good at talking to people #i wanna cry right now #but if i say anything about being tired or whatever. im probably gonna get judged #i really hate my brain some days #why am i like this? why can't i just be neurotypical? #i want to be interested in “normal” things and be good at talking to people. not wanting to crawl into a corner and cry after talking #to people for a few hours #and of course im still panicking. because i agreed to do more socializing stuff today #ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh #(but honestly what's kinda funny is that i spent a while at my friend's house the other day. and i was totally fine and having fun!) #(i guess some days are just better than others? and we were also playing games/ talking about cartoons and stuff) #i don't know i just. i'll probably delete this post later. i don't really want people to pity me / think im a baby #i don't like that im like this either trust me

[utilitycaster]

I just want to say, that I agree with almost all of your Critical Role takes and you have 1000% better and more nuanced takes than all of Twitter and I greatly appreciate it! The takes over there regarding Liliana and the gods are just wild and you bring some much needed sanity to the content I see

Thanks! I hope you don't mind because I've been thinking about this re: the Twitter takes but the thing about Twitter and Liliana specifically that I've seen is that there's this really bizarre fetishization of like, the fact that she is a (white) southerner (this also weirdly happened for Birdie though to a much lesser extent, and the person who spearheaded that wasn't even American so I have to assume this is a specific corner of Twitter Culture At Large). And like, here's the thing. It's true that fantasy tends to be very British in its accents, and it's also true that accents in a fantasy world are used to convey the same things we'd assume in our world - RP British for educated, southern American for rural, Cockney for rougher types, etc.

It's also true that laying the exact socioeconomic parallels from our world onto, say, Liliana and Orym (who reads to me as non-regional but I, like Liam, am from the Northeast originally) is a recipe for disaster. Or rather, it's not, but it is going to reaffirm your own biases, some of which are dangerous to reaffirm.

There was a popular post on Tumblr a while back, probably not long after Trump was elected, of someone talking about how they were convincing a relative with the confederate flag towards socialism by appealing to the idea of "isn't in unfair how uneven wealth distribution is and how a small group has so much control" and a number of people were rightfully like "uh, maybe you should focus on the racism" or "hey OP ask your relative who they think that small group in control is because I'm getting a really bad feeling they're going to say it's The Jews." And I feel that a lot of the empathy for Liliana from those spaces feels like that OP. Or in other words: I get that you see your relatives in Liliana. Unfortunately, I cannot help but see me and mine in Orym.

You see someone trapped by circumstance and desperation in a dangerous ideology. I see the fact that I haven't gone to a synagogue in easily 6-7 years without there being a security guard present and usually, the doors locked with someone looking through the window to let you in, and then in the sanctuary there's been an installation so that you can quickly bar all the doors in case an alarm goes off or you hear shots in the lobby.

I think there's a great case for seeing yourself in Imogen, who is in a painful struggle with the fact that her mother does love her very much but is in dangerously deep and has done a number of incredibly terrible and harmful things. That latter point is important, incidentally; I get that cult members sometimes rise through the ranks but all but the leader are being manipulated. But the fact remains that a brainwashed person can still commit atrocities, and in this story, they have, many times over. It's especially true because like...sure, plenty of people are like "I lost my relative to a cult and I just want them back and I couldn't harm them," but also, as we've seen, this cult can and will harm Imogen! Plenty of people are also like "yeah I gotta cut them off, it hurts but unfortunately my horribly bigoted and violent relative, while a victim of brainwashing, is a threat to me too." It's not even the full picture of the Temult side of things, let alone the picture that includes the Vanguard's victims.

I also think the Southern gatekeeping is unhinged because it's like. guys there's QAnon members and other cults across the country; the Confederate flag example above was actually notable in that OP wasn't even Southern so you couldn't even write the flag off as deeply misguided heritage but rather was explicitly being used as a hate symbol. It's awfully presumptive to assume all southerners have the same experience (especially since the Temults are portrayed, physically and in accents, as white southerners, not that the experiences of white southerners aren't also incredibly varied). It's awfully presumptive to assume that people find Liliana threatening because they have no personal experience with people like her; often, it's because they have all too real experience with people like her, and it says something even worse about you if you can say "but you guys, I see me and my family in Liliana" when people are telling you that they see them and their families in Orym. I would not, personally, publicly admit that one's empathy extends to the people who remind you of your family but runs out before it reaches their victims. Nor would I publicly admit that I assume everyone who disagrees with me clearly has never had personal experience with this topic.

I should also note that, as I've noted a number of times before, that these are fictional characters and not real people. Twitter seems to be really fucking bad at grasping that. Like, yes, this is the other thing; I do not think that OP should kill their Confederate flag-toting relative, whereas if Imogen did so to Liliana I'd be like "hell yeah." The former is a real person who I do hope gets deprogrammed, just, you know, maybe adjust those priorities; the latter is a fictional character in a story.

#answered #anonymous #if steel had a southern accent do you think people would feel differently about her? sound off in the comments i guess. #cr spoilers #it really is like. with the people who can't separate characters from real people...there's this assumption #that everyone who doesn't agree with them lacks the same experiences or is bigoted #don't like liliana? well it's because you're not southern. don't like laudna? it's because you're neurotypical and straight and hate women. #notice how none of these carry within them any argument within the text? notice how they just rely on the assumption #that you can only understand things through direct personal experience and not like...thought and empathy? #that if you fit certain demographics you obviously Will hold these exact opinions bc clearly all nd people or wlw are a monolith? #it's like. yeah man i see why you have more sympathy for the vanguard than their victims...you think like a cultist even if you're not one #you say There's Those Who Understand And Have The Mandate of Heaven Because We're (southern or nd or queer or whatever) #and then there's Them The Ones Who Don't Get It And Never Will Bc They're Not Like Us (even though plenty of times...they are) #anyway. as always i am sorry that twitter sucking hurts the careers of countless creatives #but i think it does foster this sort of no-nuance no-argument Me First thinking so. can't be too sorry. #long post

[oh-meow-swirls]

i think this was funnier in my head.

#puppy draws #yo-kai watch #katie forester #jibanyan #whisper #whisper ykw #usapyon #hailey anne thomas #as a diagnosed autistic person i can confirm that the autism evaluation results #just being a picture of the autism creature with text saying you have the tism is accurate #i don't even remember how this idea came to me i think i was just overly tired this morning and then this happened #also ignore the fact that i refuse to accept nate as being canon protagonist katie is like way better sorry besties <3 #that's like 80% a joke. every main yo-kai watch character is my blorbo and nate is included in that #i just also prefer katie. playing 3 and rewatching the anime + reading the manga did endear me to nate more though #i like how he's average but also totally bisexual. no i will not elaborate #why do my tags always get so derailed. uhhhh back to autism. hailey is so fucking autistic ngl #there's like at least five different instances in 3 of her just completely failing to read the room #she's totally hyperfixated on sailor cuties and next harmeowny #she has adhd vibes too i think but. the tism is very strong #i can't decide my favorite part of this between the “yippee!! you have the tism” image and jibanyan asking what autism is #he doesn't know because he has autism by default through being a cat he didn't need a diagnosis #i feel like all of them are autistic tbh but that's probably just me projecting. i totally gave katie autism in the rewrite though #i wasn't even trying to i just don't know what neurotypicals are like because i got that autistic rizz. and adhd rizz. mostly the adhd #i am definitely also autistic but i think my adhd effects me a lot more in day-to-day life #since i usually just interact with my moms who know i'm autistic and are also both neurodivergent #and people online. most of who are autistic because it's mostly on tumblr and this is the autism website #yo-kai watch more like yo-gay watchtism amirite- #oh also very amused by hailey just poofing into existence in the second picture. as you do

[satanfemme]

[guy who's definitely autistic voice] huh I wish I knew why I don't understand popular things in the slightest, not even "universal" things like empathy, pop culture, or common jokes. oh well, I suppose the explanation is simple.... I must be some kind of creature. or a beast perhaps. temporarily residing in human skin yet without being human myself, obviously. no other reason ^_^

#(in defense of my continued reluctance to use the label btw. it's cause I can still... not say for sure all my traits aren't just -- #-- from other stuff. and being the anti-psych I am ofc I don't Actually think its healthy to treat diagnoses like fixed breeds of -- #-- viruses or something. but still. can't help suppressing the thought when it's just as likely imo I wasn't born this way. #like either my neurotype was created autistic and that's why autistic resources help me #or my neurotype developed this way at a young age (and continues to do so) making it so that *functionally* I've got an autistic brain #& that's why autistic resources help me #.. the technical difference should be SUCH a non issue to me when the outcome is the same. and yet. #anyways this got WAY off topic I didn't even directly label myself in the op 🤦 maybe I'm working thru some things here lol #) #(or maybe there*is* a way to definitely conclude these things one way or another. in which case I wouldnt mind being told bout that lol hi)

[neon-in-the-night-time]

broke: when farkle is being considered for an aspergers diagnosis (something which was already outdated and not in the dsm when the episode came out 7 years ago) everyone acts like he's on his deathbed because god forbid their friend be autistic and not quirky

woke: when farkle is being considered for an autism diagnosis riley and maya celebrate because riley's autistic/adhd and maya's also adhd (they met in special ed in third grade) and they'd been joking that farkle's the token neurotypical for like 4 years now and lucas joining the friend group upset the balance but now the balance is restored. there can only be one neurotypical. lucas is vaguely uncomfortable but rolls with it because he thinks riley and maya's excitement at farkle's diagnosis is cute

#in case you can't tell i’ve been thinking a lot about girl meets i am farkle recently #god that episode makes my blood boil #but yeah lucas is the token neurotypical i think it's funny #zay is neurodivergent too i’m just not sure which one #i can never remember which brain things are neurodivergencies and which are Other Brain Things #farkle was never actually the token neurotypical they just didn't know. that's why the group didn't spontaneously combust when lucas joined #also in my version™ even though lucas is allistic and otherwise neurotypical he does Not act like he did in canon #if he did riley and maya would drop him like a hot potato #girl meets world

[gh0stlymoth]

My insomniac tendencies DID catch up to me, shocked and terrified, who could have seen this coming.

#went from like 6 to 5 hours to almost 12 hours with a short interruption today and i feel. like trash sldjsldkdk #gg to my work for thinking i would make it today like nah my guys i can't fly. #i also feel not great in general so. yeah #Fs all around.... #really tho why is my work at 9 am like ey yo can you be here at 10 am. like. babes i don't live that close to the trains. #gotta take a mental rest day today instead cause i am sick of my brain chemicals being like woops serotonin ran out lmao gg nerd #also cw mental health talk but yeah not a fan of all my bad thinking patterns just hitting me all at once this weekend but what can you do. #but living with avpd is so easy ahaha all of us have a little social anxiety ahahaha doesn't hinder u or ur self perception at all ahaha /s #i do want neurotypicals to shut up sometimes lmao this goes for any mental illness but i can ofc only talk for my lived one and christ. #anyway gonna make soup today probably. #delete later #bc this got rambely but also i am tired #the ghost rambles

[musical-chick-13]

ANYWAY, if it turns out that Cersei is more Controversial™ than [character name redacted for my safety] I WILL throw hands, as well as lose all faith in humanity and break every dish in my house.

#SO many times people are like 'I want a character where-' and it's literally just. a key trait cersei possesses. #I'm tired I'm so tired you KNOW that if this character had been a man people would love them I CAN PROVE THAT ACTUALLY #we can have ENDLESS metas about the blandest & shittiest most unsympathetic man but HEAVEN FORBID I say 'I enjoy following cersei's #story actually' #this is seriously my villain origin story #*5000 words about how a character who could NOT be more intentionally written as neurotypical has a mental illness* -> but cersei is cRaZy! #*5000 words of how mental illness makes a character more complex* -> but Cersei is a 1-dimensional bitch! (she is CANONICALLY mentally ill) #I know I joke about dying on hills but GENUINELY fr I WILL die on this one #there was something I saw about 3 months ago regarding this phenomenon and I am STILL angry about it #GENUINELY I don't want to like. attack anyone for their opinions or interpretations of a work but if you can't hold yourself to the #standards you claim you have when women and/or MI is involved. maybe ask yourself why. actually no 'maybe'. DO ask yourself why. #In the Vents

[perdidit-vulpes]

"not talking down to you" my ass

my goal in life is to be a malewife let me be

i've already accepted how ableist everything is and i'll be easily beaten out by nts just. let me have this. for once. please.

#...why can't you support me in a realistic job that i want to do #you only want. something i can't do. or taking my hobbies and making them unfun because it's a job now #why do you care if i would find joy in being a maid #just because your house is gross and you hate cleaning and bring take home every night it doesn't mean everyone hates it #i'd also really like data entry !! #it's mindless and boring and i'd love it #it has the same appeal as rhythm games #keeping the hands busy and letting me zone out listening to music #oh you should be a physicist how about part time dog walking or cat sitting oh you could be an animator or an artist #weren't you going to be a pro skater? have you thought about a game tester? #....i want a career not a hobby with obligations #+ i've been burnt out and am rapidly falling behind so anything. ambitious. is just. not possible. #i've fallen behind because the school system is geared toward neurotypicals #ugh

[shepfax]

as things start gearing up for Autism Acceptance Month I am going to make an effort to share stuff from nonverbal, high support needs, and other words for "severely" autistic people (especially from marginalized groups like autistic people of color) and I think others should too. I chose to do this because I am very deeply opposed to the way low support people have gone about destigmatizing autism.

me, I am the epitome of the white "geeky" autistic that I read about in books from specialists and historians: I had no speech delay, I'm capable of many self-maintenance tasks like hygiene and food, but I still am not independent and I struggle greatly with social situations, show repetitive behavior, and have sensory integration problems.

by making it seem like autism is just a label for quirky people that get really into tv shows, prefer small silverware, and fidget sometimes, you've come all the way back around to encouraging ignorance. you've started to push people with more disabling autistic traits into the background of your activism or even tried to pretend your activism doesn't apply to them.

obviously it's important to acknowledge and share the ways that autistic people who can speak and maintain independence still struggle immensely in a neurotypical world, because that is something the vast majority of people still don't understand. but we need to do better at emphasizing the ways people's autism affects their lives, and advocating for the rights of people with different needs than our own.

this might seem harsh to say but it really seems like some of you are ashamed to be associated with people from different parts of the autism spectrum than you. why claim the label then?

when you see someone talk about an experience you didn't have, always make an effort to learn something from it.

come together with people from all points on the autism spectrum. make friends with them and listen to their voice, whether it's spoken or not.

it is called neurodiversity for a reason. our brains are extremely diverse, and that's why it's important to make sure you are not your only source.

if you look at one person on the spectrum, even if that person is you, that is one autistic person, and you can't make claims about autism based on that person alone.

#autism #actuallyautistic #actually autistic #autistic #autism acceptance #autism awareness #neurodiversity #disability #this is very long because I like to break up paragraphs to make them easier for me to read lol sorry for stretching your dashboard

[crippledpunks]

actually- my chronic & mental illness does define me- it's a very huge part of my life. it can't be ignored. it can't be placed on the back burner. it cannot be "powered through". it is there 24/7 whether or not i want it to be. i have to constantly explain to people why i do things is because of my schizophrenic and autistic neurotypes, or that im in severe pain from one of my various problems that cause pain

trying to mock certain disabled people who have to talk about and seek care for their disabilities on a daily basis is unnecessary and violent. it's oppressive. my disorders literally define me, my schizophrenia and autism dictate most of my behaviors. my body is constantly in pain, my guts are constantly affected by my IBS. i am constantly anxious from my PTSD and constantly dissociating from my DID.

if you personally feel as though your illnesses don't define you, that is great for you. i'm not saying chronically ill folks can't feel that way, but what i am saying is stop punching down on those of us who have a lot of their lived experience rooted in their disorders, diseases and neurotypes.

things go into remission or make progress with healing, but most chronic illnesses never fully go away and it's just bullshit to make chronically ill people feel like they can never complain about their issues. it's not an inconvenience to you, it's us expressing what we're going through. stop acting like us talking about our lived experience is an attack on your person. i'm sorry hearing that someone else is in pain sucks to hear but it sucks FAR more to BE IN PAIN

#actually disabled #disability culture #fibromyalgia #cripplepunk #chronically chill #cpunk #cripple punk #crip punk #disability rights #chronic pain #schizophrenia #autism #adhd #audhd #did #dissociative identity disorder #osdd #osdd 1b #hypermobile eds #hypermobile ehlers danlos syndrome #hypermobile joints #disabled culture #disability resources #disability advocacy #disabled issues #physically disabled #disabled rights #disabled

[authenticyuri]

The latest Dungeon Meshi chapter is incredibly good for many reasons but one of them is getting to see Chilchuck's arc and him growing as a character, especially when it comes to his opinion on Laios as a leader and as a friend. I am so interested in breaking down their relationship development (this also doubles as chilaios propaganda btw lmao)

This got extremely long so I'll leave it under the cut <3

At the very start of the manga, and throughout most of the middle, Chilchuck clearly brushes Laios interests and personality off as being weird, just like pretty much every other character, but underneath that is a frustration that comes from him thinking that Laios could stand to be a way better leader than he is. Chilchuck is arguably way more qualified to be a leader in their group, but taking a leadership position is obviously not something he could easily do because of how prejudiced against his race is. In a world where most races see yours as disposable, it must be incredibly frustrating to be hired in a group with a leader who lacks social skills, is very forgetful, and seems to only care about monsters, when you both know you could do a way better job.

Chilchuck has more experience when it comes down to that type of thing, given he organized a union for other halflings, and though he takes out his anger at Laios's naivety when it comes to that area, it's clear he does it out of care and just because he wants to see Laios improve. In dungeon groups, he's always been a follower, he's perfectly comfortable just being there to do his job, and do it well, then leave. He isn't itching for the opportunity to take over Laios's role, but he does want to have the type of leader he can easily rely on.

But because of Laios's inexperience and also brash decision-making, Chil feels responsible for holding him back and being the glue to keep the team together, even though he may not admit it, (something we can clearly see when he chooses to sacrifice himself instead in the dragon fight despite the fact he often tells others he won't be useful in combat, as well as when he chooses to step in for Laios's place when talking with the Canaries).

This is something even Laios has taken notice of, given that he wants Chilchuck to be the one to bring him back to his senses with a lecture right before his confrontation with the winged lion. Out of all the others, he depends on Chilchuck on being able to bring him back with his words.

But anyways, Chilchuck's character arc comes from accepting Laios as a leader and growing fond of his unusual methods of leading rather than frustrated. In the shapeshifter chapter, when it came down to Laios having to differentiate Chil from his doppelganger, you can very much tell he is terrified of having to depend on Laios's judgement. I think it is also made worse by the fact that the shapeshifter is acting exactly like the worst preconceived notions about halflings other races have, and at this point the only thing present in his mind is the possibility that Laios will let him die and be replaced by a stereotype of all things.

And even after Laios explains how he was successfully able to tell his team apart, (which was because of how they interacted with monsters and the dungeon), the others are impressed, but Chilchuck isn't content with just that and hoped that Laios would have known because he finally got to know the others on a deep level that Leaders are just inherently capable of.

But of course, Laios isn't capable of something like that. He isn't a mind reader and he obviously can't distinguish other people's real thoughts or emotions, even if they are fairly obvious. Laios pulled a feat in a way that was accessible and made sense to him, and Chilchuck wasn't swayed because of how atypical it was of leaders to act. (Yes I also read this is a neurodivergent in a neurotypical world conflict).

This hesitance to fully trust in his abilities is also why he advised Laios not to accept becoming a king initially when Yaado asked Laios to. But after Laios defeats Thistle, by using his knowledge on dragons, similarly to how he defeated the shape-shifters, Chilchuck finally starts viewing Laios's unusual problem-solving in a positive light. It's when he first realizes that Laios's obsession with monsters isn't the thing that's holding him back, but a useful asset. His interest and knowledge is what saved them and got them all as far as they have. It makes sense for his development to go from believing Laios could never possibly be a king, to outright encouraging the idea. In his eyes, Laios has already been capable of doing the impossible, and thinks that he should stop underestimating what he's been able to do.

A final point is that Chilchuck has always been able to read Laios like a book, and is aware of what's on his mind a lot of the time, but this used to only cause exasperation and contributed to seeing Laios in a negative light most of the time. However, in the last chapter, he is pretty much the only person who is able to tell that something about Laios seems off. He actually pays attention to Laios as a person and shows concern for his well being. Because he cares about him. Like he's obviously cared about him for a while now but I think this is the first time he's genuinely shown this much concern for any of his friend's mental state. I wanna cry

Anyways conclusion being Chilchuck has not only finally accepted Laios as a leader, but as an incredibly capable individual who he genuinely respects. That’s it thanks for coming to my Ted Talk

#he's so sweet. his growth <3 #delicious in dungeon spoilers #delicious in dungeon #dungeon meshi spoilers #dungeon meshi #chilchuck tims #chilchack tims #laios touden #laios thorden #chilaios #well it is TO ME #theyre so besties. they both care soooo much #rem talks #analysis

[lycheedr3ams]

König Character Analysis (Part 1)

*image reposted with permission

Part 1: His Past

the first installment of a multi-part character analysis for our beloved König

to convince you guys i know what I'm talking about, just look through my blog at my könig posts. I am confident that I have grasped most parts of his personality and backstory, but I will acknowledge that some of it may be projecting. obviously we do not know much about him, which is the point of this series. i also relate a lot to him

discussion of my interpretation is welcome in the comments, and if you disagree, there's no need to be hateful. he is, at the end of the day, not real

TW: bullying, social anxiety, other mental health disorders

We have very little information on könig's life before the military. his bio includes one sentence, just one, about his past:

König suffered from severe social anxiety throughout his life, often being bullied during his childhood.

while this information alone isn't striking, when put into more context of other parts of his bio, it says:

While he hoped to join as a recon sniper, his physical size and his inability to stay still made him an unsuitable candidate.

focus on those words: his inability to stay still. this crucial bit of information, tied to the fact that he was often bullied, leads me to conclude that könig has ADHD. not being able to sit still is not a stereotype, it is a real fact of life for those with ADHD, me included. people with ADHD are bullied much more than neurotypicals (people without ADHD, autism, etc). while each source is different, it is estimated that children with ADHD are 4-10x more likely to be bullied.

it is no wonder why bullying would cause social anxiety, since most of könig's interactions with his peers were negative. as someone with social anxiety, it is horrible. not knowing what to say or how to act, you end up either completely misreading the social context or not saying anything. either way, you can never win.

additionally, children with ADHD receive up to 20,000 more negative messages from parents and peers in their childhood than neurotypical children. because of this, it is common for people with ADHD to also be extra sensitive to rejection, and it can be so strong in some that a new term has been coined called "rejection sensitive dysphoria." research on this issue has revealed that 99% of people with ADHD also have and experience rejection sensitive dysphoria. therefore, it makes sense to conclude that König also experiences rejection sensitive dysphoria (rsd)

an aside on rsd: this isn't just feeling hurt when you're rejected by a crush or feeling sheepish or embarrassed you're scolded at work or school. rsd episodes make you question your entire life, your personality, your worth, and for many can even lead to suicidal thoughts just from a small incident of rejection. it can also lead to the person having low self-esteem, and they are also more likely to perceive rejection even when it is not there. it is an intense and overwhelming experience that no one should have to go through, yet people with ADHD experience it often

so, we've established, based on the evidence i've provided, that König has ADHD, social anxiety, and experiences rsd. i would say that i can't even imagine what König's childhood was like, but sadly I can since i too have adhd and was bullied. being mean is never okay, and bullying is not cute or quirky or sassy. bullying is when someone kicks your books across the floor, steals and destroys your belongings, when they spread false rumors, make fun of you, laugh at you, when they give you mean faces when you ask questions in class, when your only friend is the other "weird" kid who also has ADHD. it's when your teachers constantly criticize you and you get in trouble for every little thing. it's when you just wanted a friend and everyone else knew how to socialize, but somehow, you didn't. being bullied while also having ADHD is an experience i wish on no one. yet könig went through this. just sit with that for a minute. the big scary military man we love was also a child once, and went through this.

sorry to depress you guys, but this is the reality of his character. i firmly believe that könig has ADHD and experiences rsd despite his untouchable and stoic demeanor, and you're not gonna change my mind.

so, that's the end of the first installment. keep your eyes out for more, cuz trust me, there's gonna be more. (also don't forget to sign up for my taglist if you want! link is on my masterpost)

taglist: @osteawb, @sleepystaarr, @vvampir3s, @simpxinnie, @majocookie, @sharkyyyyyyyyyyyy, @marysdelrey, @kybeth5, @chaos-on-stand-bi, @shannonswizzies, @arcadia509, @bloodstoneruby, @cumikering, @skystreamchan, @junkratssheila-09, @kit-williams, @tangerynsbaby, @dreamdiaries777, @royalbxstxrd, @non-satanic-panic, @theweirdchick, @kiyomisan, @maylif, @mortimoshi, @eneiss

#konig call of duty #konig #konig cod #konig mw2 #konig fic #cod mw2 #konig headcanons #konig imagine #lychee speaks #konig character analysis #character analysis #cod konig #konig fanfiction #konig modern warfare #könig fanfiction #könig call of duty #könig cod #könig modern warfare #könig mw2 #call of duty #cod #könig x you #cod modern warfare #cod mwii #codmw2 #cod headcanons

[the-lincyclopedia]

I've seen that post going around lately about how you do, in fact, need to work on changing your toxic traits, and being neurodivergent is not an excuse for hurting people. And that's true and I agree with it. But I also think that not everything that someone might feel hurt by is an actual problem, and most of us who are neurodivergent have probably had plenty of experiences of people taking offense at stuff we can't change. 

I don't mean "it's fine if I yell at people." I mean "please don't take it personally if I don't look at you while we talk; looking at people during conversation is really, really uncomfortable for me." I mean "even when I try, I'm terrible at remembering to ask people enough questions during a conversation, so if you have something you want to tell me, please just say it without waiting for me to ask the perfect question." I mean "if I decline food you offer me, it's about my food sensitivities, not the quality of your cooking or the validity of your culture's cuisine." I mean "you can tell me to stop infodumping, and I will, but if you interpret infodumping as pompous, self-centered monologuing rather than sharing my joy and excitement, you're setting yourself up to misunderstand me." I mean "I'm not always going to remember to say goodbye at the end of a conversation, and that's not a personal slight; I'm like that with everyone, no matter how hard I try."

I'm laying this out because my parents have expressed a lot of hurt over me doing each of the above (and, you know, tried to say that it means I deserved to be emotionally abused, because my autistic behavior was hurting them, too). Obviously neurodivergent people are capable of being horrible to the people around them, and they (we) need to be held accountable when we hurt people. But there exist situations where I think it's worth asking "Why does this hurt? Are they harming me, or am I holding them to unnecessary neurotypical standards?" Sometimes the answer is going to be that real harm is occurring, and that's valid and should get fixed! But sometimes the answer might be that you need to not take someone else's neurodivergence personally, or that you can find a better way of interacting that works for both of you.

#a lin original #neurodivergent #neurodivergence #actuallyautistic #actually autistic #autism #abuse tw

[candiid-caniine]

support needs and sex

having trouble with words recently. during this, I don't post much. have autism, have talked about it here before, but only small things.

but lots of frustration recently about representing. how people with low support needs have louder voices. people with cute, quirky autism get represented more because neurotypicals don't feel as uncomf. still they have their struggles but you know. middle to high support needs are uncomf. have to hide, have to be quiet. people with low support needs, also sometimes think *their* autism is *all* autism. don't want to talk about mid/high supports people, or be associated.

but, speech loss bad enough that I don't want to go into it today. stick to what is doable.

autistic people have sex. autistic people do kink. lot of positivity here about this. i've seen it. you've seen it. you've seen me also do it.

but autism in sex, not just:

cute stimming because sex feels good

sensory overload, in a good way

hard to speak because of good feelings

person getting flustered/shy/nervous

not only cute. not only shy. not only because of good feelings.

autism can be ugly, scary, difficult, bad communicating, hard to know how to support, getting in the way.

for me:

speech loss; not cute speech loss because of good feelings, speech loss because life is exhausting; exhausted, don't want to have sex

handling rejection poorly. have to use a lot of energy to keep from being a bad partner because of overreacting

sensory overload because good, but i dissociate because sensory overload

use sex to escape bad feelings, not in a healthy coping way

can't explain why i react poorly. in most circumstances. but also happens around sex

frustration because i can't think how to explain

meltdown because so frustrated

cycle repeats

have trouble understanding un-firm versions of "no" (have to work hard to communicate with partner, and i do, but hard work af)

have trouble understanding "maybe"

have trouble predicting how i "will/would" feel

thus frustration. meltdown. cycle resumes

or, know what i want; don't know how to explain

AND YET: i am not:

too dysfunctional for sex/relationship

"basically a child"/too immature

unsafe person

too fucked up for marriage

bad person for dating

someone who should avoid sex until burnout ends

...because i am adult. my partner is an adult. we talk about things. we know good expectations. i don't lie about can/can't do things. they don't lie about can/can't do things.

sex is only one slice of this. this blog is about sex, so i post it here. but these issues are big in my life. need support in school, in work; i seem so functional to a stranger, but only because support needs are met.

support needs met = big privilege. i acknowledge this. not so easy for many people, who seem less functional to others, only because support needs not met.

anyway. conclusion:

neurotypicals/non-autistics: don't expect sex + relationships with autistics to be like sexy imagine posts on tumblr. can be sometimes, but often not.

autistics, even: don't expect sex + relationships with other autistics to be like sex + relationships for you.

low support needs autistics: you guys have a problem. (maybe technically i am you guys, don't really know, so maybe *we* have a problem.) some of you don't like when autism represented as mid-high support. don't like to think you're like us. not cool. either way stop speaking like *your* autism is *all* autism. if you have energy + time + emotional resource to do so, tell off other low support needs when they act like this.

high/mid support needs: i see you. you belong. you deserve healthy, good sex if you are adult. support needs =/= being unworthy/not well enough/not functional enough for relationship. possible to have relationships that work for you, allow for the kind of support you need, from other person/medical team/support system. don't mask to get through relationship. hurts you, you should be loved for who you are.

#autism #speech loss #autistic representation #nsft #neurosexy #only barks #gen

[personalitysystems]

i feel like what a lot of people dont understand about npd + avpd comorbidity (or even npd + social anxiety) is that they are not opposites. they can function like opposites for others or they can just be an addition to someone's npd or someone's avpd.

i am someone with covert npd, however i have very overt avpd. i am so timid and anxious you wouldn't even think i would have npd, and for the longest time i didn't think i had npd either. so many of my npd-like behaviors were covert to the point i didn't even realize i did them until someone pointed out to me.

i would try to subtly nudge people into believing i'm really good at things. i would practice so hard just to be better than everyone. i was so competitive because if i wasn't the best then i was not good enough. but it was all unnoticeable. no one knew anything about why, they just thought i was really that good. i wouldn't brag, i wouldn't overtly show any of this, it was just something i subconsciously did. i didn't even believe i was good.

but it felt good to be admired, i liked when people would tell me how good i was at something. i was so happy with every good grade i got, i was happy to even follow the rules because i was then labeled as a good student. it was the only thing that made me feel like i was actually someone worth something.

but overtly, i struggle to make friends. i'm scared to talk to someone to order something, i show feelings of inferiority, i don't have any friends besides from two, i can't talk to strangers and other than very close people (and/or safe people) social interaction is basically impossible.

i didn't realize i had npd for so long, even after my avpd (and other disorders) had been apparent to me for years, because i felt like i was "too scared of people" to have npd. my partner who also has npd with social anxiety disorder had felt the same way, despite when we both looked into why we did some things we did, it was very apparent that it was npd.

npd and avpd can act like a cover for each other, in my case it was avpd covering the npd, but it is very possible for npd to cover avpd, or social anxiety, or any disorder. disorders can cover up others to make you look more neurotypical than you actually are.

the point really is that npd and avpd can present a lot differently than others with just npd or just avpd present, and that goes with every disorder. the more disorders you have, the more differently your symptoms will present from other people with that disorder.

#actually avpd #actually avoidant #avoidant pd #avoidant personality disorder #avpd #actually narcissistic #actually npd #npd safe #npd #narcissistic personality disorder #narcissistic pd #cluster b #cluster c #avpd + npd #npd + avpd

[theconcealedweapon]

Autistic Person: "The world is cruel to people like me. I struggle constantly and I have to figure everything out myself because no one understands me enough to help me with anything."

Neurotypical Person: "Quit being so negative! The only disability in life is a bad attitude! Maybe if you stopped dwelling on your struggles and tried being happy for once, your life wouldn't be so bad!"

Autistic Person: "But I'm not negative all the time. I'm proud of who I am. I can be happy sometimes."

Neurotypical Person: "How dare you glorify autism! Autism is a tragedy! You realize that many autistic people struggle, right? You being happy is so insensitive to them!"

Autistic Person: "So I'm not allowed to mention my struggles, and I'm also not allowed to mention being happy? Why can't you just let us exist as people, who sometimes struggle and sometimes are happy?"

Neurotypical Person: "OMG YOU'RE SO RRRRUUUUDDDDEEEE!!!!"

#autism #ableism #actuallyautistic