#word vomit meta

[world-smitten]

Extraordinary Attorney Woo 9

Okay, so this episode is slyly brilliant and I want to talk about it.

Episodes 7-8 were about Young-woo dealing with her parents and her connections, and Min-woo being an obnoxious pillock. In episode 9, we suddenly pivot to a story about a somewhat quaint man who kidnaps a bus of children to play games in the woods. He calls them the “Children’s Liberation Army”. He legally changed his name to a poop joke because it made kids laugh. The kids he kidnaps are a bunch of academy students who only know school and sleep. We all know this message - Korea’s academic system is broken and the casualties are the children, whose parents cannot see the hurt they inflict because they are unshakingly convinced that it is for their good (very very relatable). I root for Bang Gu-ppong because I also believe in children’s liberation, and I want him to behave so Young-woo can get him a lighter sentence, even if that means declaring him mentally unwell.

Young-woo, like me, believes in children’s liberation. Unlike me, she goes above and beyond to understand Bang Gu-ppong as an individual whose ideology has merit that should be recognised in the court - even if it means that he can’t get a lighter sentence. Her actions might not “win” the case, but she upholds her integrity towards her client and her own beliefs (a far cry from episode 5, where she ignored her gut feeling and sense of justice to win a case for a lying client). Where I am in the episode (I was so excited by its writing that I hopped on here to post meta while my brain was still firing), Min-woo has just asked Attorney Jung to please, pretty please, penalise Young-woo for her behaviour in court. Watching the scene play out, I was thinking, ‘does this man think he’s in school? you don’t just “penalise” people like that in a professional workplace, wtf...oh. OH’.

And then Attorney Jung says, “Giving rewards and punishments over who’s right and who’s wrong is not how I work”. And the whole thing just clicked.

I remember reading somewhere that children, like women, are oppressed by the patriarchy, and by the systems created and upheld by the patriarchy. The education system is one such system and is therefore punishes any behaviour that might destabilise it. “Play” - to have reckless, aimless fun for the sake of fun - is violently opposed to the patriarchy, which is “work” (boys especially are raised to place their worth in their ability to work, which is part of how the patriarchy perpetuates itself. Bang Gu-ppong is unemployed - he’s got little worth as a man, and little worth to the system).

This is the same patriarchy that Min-woo represents in this story, and that he’s been desperately trying to uphold since Young-woo, a disabled woman, barged in to completely disrupt order. When Attorney Jung asks Min-woo why he simply can’t talk things out with her, it’s because Min-woo, like a lot of people in the story including Young-woo’s father, sees her as a child. He doesn’t see her as his equal. And when she proves herself repeatedly in ways that upset his own perceptions of the world, he mentally defaults to “school”, to “penalties and rewards”, because this is the only environment he can imagine Young-woo in and this is the only environment that would certainly punish her for her disability (and we know that’s true, since she was bullied all through school). What he doesn’t realise is how much of a fool he looks by doing all that, since Young-woo sees herself as an adult (which she is, duh) and doesn’t stoop to his level of clownery. Maturity is something much deeper than parroting the “right” language and presenting yourself in the “right” way. Bang Gu-ppong seems immature, but he refuses to lie about who he is and what he’s done, and why he did it. That, for me, is “adult”.

That’s not to say that I agree with him kidnapping a bus of kids lol. He says they consented to being spirited away, to which I say, ‘meh’. When it comes to kids and consent, that is always a hairy discussion because kids genuinely don’t have the perspective to know what is good for them. But, work and study is always assumed to be good for kids without question, whilst it’s play that has to be constantly treated with suspicion, always moderated, always surveilled. And discussions around kids and consent lacks a ton of nuance - it’s almost always an either/or scenario. Either kids don’t know anything, so let’s micromanage the life out of them - or, kids can definitely consent, all the time, so their “yes” is always “yes” even when it’s said in ignorance. There has to be a better way to give kids some agency in their lives. I think the saddest thing in this episode is the implicit child abuse - if Mujin Academy is famously harsh on its students, then imagine what kind of treatment the director must have inflicted on her own kids (and having Gu-ppong’s mother be the director ties the whole thing together perfectly). But even the director herself, like all women, is only trying to navigate the patriarchy - a single mother, in a system that loathes single mothers, who goes above and beyond to mould her sons into the perfect future patriarchs. They excel in education and gain the high societal marker by making it to the best universities in the country. And she capitalises on this “success”, showing other mothers how they too can make their own potential patriarchs. In doing this, she proves her worth to the system.

After Gu-ppong tells the attorney of the playground games he had with the kids in the woods, Min-woo (who can never do anything right lol) says, “I guess you didn’t do anything incredibly original.”  To which Gu-ppong responds, “The thought that playing has to be original is what creates gimmicky children’s camp field trips without the field part. Taking the children from here to there, making them do this and that, so that they can experience something novel and educational. That’s not playing. Even if all they’re doing is looking up at the sky and snickering at the clouds floating by, as long as the child is smiling and is happy in that moment, that’s what playing really is.” When he said that, the scales fell out of my eyes. It was like, of course, of course. All those school trips and summer camps I did as a kid that were heavily monitored, expensive, stressful -  even the kind of play that we think is acceptable for kids, is still work. That makes sense. This was the moment I realised that this show is being written by someone who truly cares about children. And it’s so radical! It dropped something so novel (to me, at least) on the sly, and with such humility too. 

Man, I love this show.

#extraordinary attorney woo #word vomit meta #but srsly when gu-ppong said that that i was like ohhh #wow the writer really cares! #this episode was full of ohhh moments #just thematic puzzle pieces slotting together wonderfully #koo kyo hwan #park eun bin #joo jong hyuk #kdrama

[doodoocumfart]

Not to sound insane but I cannot stop thinking about the inherent tragedy of the scene between Kerry and Marcia. How Kerry is so obviously a victim. So clearly exploited. And yet every little part of the elite world Marcia exists in, every cog of the life she lives, requires cruelty of her in order to survive in it. She is an outsider by sheer virtue of who she is, constantly on the precipice of losing power, of being the exploited. And w Logan gone she can’t even take him down w her. She must remain the widowed wife. Even a shred of kindness to Kerry would legitimize her claim to Logan and would threaten Marcia’s very existence as it stands. It could not have happened any other way. :^/

#word vomit #meta #kerry castellabate #marcia roy

[lesbian-kyoru]

feeling incoherent about the last chapter of svsss vol 3 and particularly the sex scene—i knew Vaguely what to expect and was prepared but i was not prepared for how deeply? it would move me emotionally? the grotesque and painful nature of it was so perfectly suited to the story, and i love what it got across how excruciating and uncomfortable it is to be Known intimately by another person and submit yourself to being loved by them.

it's ultimately necessary and freeing to shen qingqiu to give himself up to that Ordeal, and the forced & ultimately fatal nature of it is what allows him to actually let himself want it. and for luo binghe, even without an awareness of what he's doing, it's very humanizing to be accepted so fully and wholly for the most uncontrolled, desperate, lonely version of himself. the line "luo binghe seemed to have found some small sense of security" really struck me, the juxtaposition between the recklessness paired with that gentle realization of safety.

the terror & discomfort of the scene don't feel undesired somehow, either physically or on an emotional level, like they're just an inevitable part of what it means for bingqiu to finally embrace each other—that the love is so strong that it's worth weathering the sheer intensity of it & being consumed by it. it all just felt like a super fitting microcosm of bingqiu's relationship of absolutely clawing and clinging to each other, despite the pain and insecurities it forces them to grapple with, both together and within themselves. it's all very bare and pink and bald-faced! gahhh!!!!

#svsss #bingqiu #luo binghe #shen qingqiu #mxtx #i haven't written meta in ages so i am just word vomitting #i am fucked up! #zoe.txt

[edsbacktattoo]

just had (evil) thoughts

so Ed gets rid of the silk first, right? He lets it go to the wind. then he gets rid of Lucius, then all of Stede's nice things, then his crew (save for Jim and Frenchie).

he puts on the Big Bad Scary Kraken persona and says this:

"Farewell Bonnet's playthings. Onto the next."

does that. does that mean he views his red piece of silk as one of 'Bonnet's Playthings' as well?

does that mean that Ed thought his heart was being toyed with? but does that also mean that he nevertheless believed it still belonged to Stede?

like yes, you may have been reckless with it, but it was yours anyway.

and maybe that's part of why he abandons it. maybe he didn't think it belonged to him anymore. maybe it became Stede's the moment he held it with both hands and treated it with care despite how 'tatty and old' it was.

#im sorry for this post #truly sincerely but i was just thinking about the order he gets rid of stuff for my wip #also i find it interesting that he calls all of stede's crew and his stuff 'playthings' because like #that implies that stede wasn't a real pirate. just a child playing with toys #but we're shown throughout the season that ed very much believes that stede is a pirate #he doesn't doubt that of him for even a second #even when stede tells him he traded gunpowder for marmalade ed is like yep that's a sound decision to me #anyway sorry for the tangent sorry for this post i just had to word vomit ok goodbye #ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd meta #gentlebeard #blackbonnet #edward teach #stede bonnet #oh we thinkin?

[shelfperson]

OKAY OKAYYYYY OKAY like i understand why people are bullying louis right now. it’s not a great look to dick down the guy who just now threatened to murder you and your daughter. but taken from louis’ perspective? without our foreknowledge of the plot? for all he knows he’s just gained an important and powerful ally.

like???? before armand spares louis, he does the whole “why are the powerful so weak” speech with the obvious implication that he doesn’t want to enact the Great Laws on louis specifically. and then he… doesn’t. And then, and this is crucial, opens up to louis about ALSO having his heart broken by lestat. which puts him in a place of automatic solidarity with him. and then he kisses him! as assad said the post-show breakdown, armand had to choose between the coven and louis in that moment and he chose louis.

like as far as louis is concerned, he and claudia are safe. at the very least, sage from armand specifically.

and like. i am absolutely 100% certain armand will have something to do with claudia’s death but i kind of doubt that armand is just like. masterminding from the shadows all day everyday and is retroactively altering the ENTIRE NARRATIVE. that’s just so boring. he becomes a non-character at that point.

what i think is much more likely is what a lot of people have been theorizing about: santiago stages a coup because armand is a fucking hypocrite and makes armand pick between claudia or louis. and armand is going to pick louis. and that’s what armand is hiding from louis. not that he personally killed her in cold blood but that he killed her through inaction/indirect action.

i’m also super exited to see the resentment between claudia and armand ramp up from here. like HELLO CHOKESLAM WHAT THE FUCK???? get AWAY from her.

anyway i bet armand and claudia have some really adversarial interactions after this point and that’s part of what armand doesn’t want louis to see in claudia’s diaries. like the two of them are perfectly positioned to activate the other’s trauma’s/hangups because they’re BOTH afraid of being abandoned they BOTH know what it’s like to always be someone’s second choice and they both really want louis to pick the other.

on top of that, i’m sure armand’s scary ass is having his disney villain “if it weren’t for those meddling middle aged kids” moment about claudia at some point too.

like i doubt he “could not prevent it” but i also think a little more nuance, a little more conflict, is much better than Bad Man does Bad Scary Thing because he’s craaaaaaaazyyyy.

this has become a rambling mess but the POINT IS. there’s a little more going on then louis just letting jeff the killer into his house out of sheer dickmatization. there’s layers.

#i shoukd probably think of a tag for all my iwtv word vomit #iwtv #iwtv spoilers #iwtv speculation #iwtv meta #iwtv s2 #iwtv season 2 #louis de pointe du lac #armand #armand iwtv #loumand #claudia iwtv #claudia de pointe du lac #interview with the vampire

[umbrace-rambles]

Not trying to justify or excuse Doflamingo in any way, I'm actually a big fan of his manslaughter and many awful crimes but as I was rewatching Dressrosa I noticed I believe a lot of people forget about the second smaller backstory flashback he gets? Which goes considerably deeper into why he is Like That despite being much shorter.

I'd guess most people only remember the main one he shares with Corazón and Law (understandable) but like.... he was very much groomed to be Like That, the same way he planned to do with Law.

Until before he killed his father, he was shown to be, at most, an extremely entitled and annoying child that very much embodied what he had learned from their lifestyle as a celestial dragon. You can see that mindset and behavior in literally all of his ex-peers (excluding later Homing and Mjorsgard, but they're exceptions)

After Homing decided to leave Mary Geoise with his family and during everything they endured after, Doflamingo was just very pissed and very much growing hateful towards his father (which is not that hard to understad given the situation) but never actually acted aggressive, or homicidal, he just kept giving the same celestial dragon tirade, because he didn't understand what was going on. He repeatedly asks his father why what he has known for his whole life is not working, he is confused.

Now, the second backstory flashbacks reveal some very much crucial things to what happened after all of this, including the fact that it was Trebol (and Diamante, Pica and Vergo, who were already together at the time) who gave Doffy both his fruit and the gun he uses to kill his father, stating that he was chosen by the heavens because they witnessed him using Conqueror's haki back when he and his family were tied up. This instantly draws Trebol's group to him and makes them realize that actually, this kid is very fucking powerful, we should weaponize that.

So Doflamingo kills his father (and this is the last time we see Rosinante with him so we can assume they split after this- Rosi likely being taken by Sengoku when they find him), brings his head to Mary Geoise to try and bargain rejoining the celestial dragons, which goes bad, and then he goes back to Trebol and his group. They comfort him and state that since he can't go back, he should join them, and they would give him everything he ever wanted. What follows is a long montage of them fueling his previous mindset that he is right, indeed chosen by the heavens, that he should rule over everything, and that they will act as his executioners on his every whim.

Now, I don't believe Doflamingo could ever be "normal" or that he would be able to rebuild his mindset from what he had learned from the celestial dragons the same way Rosinante was able to. I do, however, fully believe that he would be much different from what he is now, had he never been groomed by Trebol & co. Would he have been drawn to violence and destruction the same way? Perhaps he would end up there on his own anyway, but maybe not, maybe he would remain more similar to other celestial dragons, weak and fearful and using other people to do his dirty work for him.

I do think there's something fundamentally wrong with that man that would still surface in some way at some point of his life but who knows, things could've been different.

#this is not even a meta post I just had Thoughts after rewatching the backstory the other day #word vomit. if you will #one piece #celestial dragons #donquixote doflamingo #donquixote rosinante #donquixote family #op_meta #one piece meta #one piece text posts

[bistephs]

it’s like - i get that cass is a character who gets really flattened out both by fandom and by pretty much every book she’s been in since 2011, and that people who love pre-n52 cass want to push back against the “perfect angel with no flaws or character conflict” version of cass by pointing out that the original version of her character was so interesting and refreshing because she had her own problems and fought with other characters and didn’t always win. batgirl v1 cass was allowed to be angry and hurt and complicated, she was allowed to disagree with other people including batman, she was allowed to lose fights and act impulsively and be affected by her trauma and just be wrong sometimes. but at the same time i think there’s this weird pendulum swing where part of fandom has switched to defining cass’s character as like, just as flat and uninteresting, but in the opposite direction. cass isn’t just Angry Fighter Lady, she isn’t Perfect Martial Artist Who Can Never Lose Ever, she isn’t Character Whose Sole Purpose Is To Beat Up Characters I Don’t Like. cass as a character is defined more than anything else by her compassion and ability to empathize with people, even bad people (and in fact is defined by her inability to stop empathizing with “bad” people and repeatedly extending her hand to them, even to her own detriment). and like, that’s why cass “deserves” to be batman’s successor and arguably a better version of batman (especially compared to whatever the hell 2000s bruce had going on), not because she punches real good. cass can be a complicated, multifaceted character and a character who is primarily motivated by compassion. making her “perfect fighter who never loses and never tries to communicate any way but violence and just loves to hurt people she doesn’t like” is just as bad and uninteresting a characterization as “bland fun older sister” fandom cass and missing just as much of what makes cass good.

#dc #cassandra cain #dc meta #txt #does this. make sense to anyone who isn't me or is it just Word Vomit

[sparring-spirals]

Compromise. Im not going to actually WRITE meta but i AM going to lay out a list of things I'm thinking about broadly and thematically and would probably write meta about if i were properly caught up and informed, but is instead influenced much more by early campaign F.C.G:

**edit: no this is kind of meta again. sorry.

- F.C.G grappling with the questions of: being made. purpose. whether it matters if you find your own purpose if you were made with one in mind and you "choose" something else. Can you actually? Does it matter? Is your choice a choice at all?

- Wanting so badly to heal people and help people and the unique fear of waking up and seeing damage done by your own hands. To the same people you wanted so badly to help. You extend healing and you offer comfort or kind words but all the while, in your core is a tightness. In your core is a danger. How much good do you need to do to get the blood off your chassis? Can you, at all?

- Metal body. Metal hands. A little wheel. You were a turtle once and it felt so wondrous to breathe. You try out tongues or little wooden legs or whatnot but it always comes back to an inorganic metal body and empty insides no matter if youre filling them with liquids or secret goods to smuggle or pastries (faux warmth). Maybe everything like wooden legs dangling off a metal body. All for show.

- A coin in hand. Looking for a higher power. Thinking about choice. Deferring choices.

- You love your friends, so much. You love people being kind to each other. You love your boyfriend and their wonderful way of thinking. You love being alive. Even when you doubted you were at all. You love, truly and deeply.

- Ashton raging at F.C.G for being a martyr. For aching for a good enough reason to get himself hurt or killed or blown up. Ashton looking at F.C.G knowing they're all messed up inside and trying so hard to stop them from letting it destroy them.

- Ashton always worried about how they're always trying to find a big enough cause, a good enough reason.

And so with those things, I remembered about F.C.G:

- F.C.G looking at their friends all down. Ashton laid out unmoving.

- F.C.G with something awful in their core. Ready to spill out. The same something awful they were always worried about. They were always aware of.

- F.C.G always looking for that reason. For that bigger and better cause.

- F.C.G always feeling like they didn't understand purpose, like it was so. unattainable- finally, briefly, startlingly- sure. Finally free of doubt. Their friends down and something awful and destructive in their core and one last thing they can do to maybe make things worth it, and the ability to choose it. They were made for something. They chose what to do with it.

- F.C.G finding that reason. F.C.G making that call. F.C.G thinking it was worth it.

- I think because of him, they succeeded. They won. That is certain.

- I think. "Worth it". Is always a subjective thing.

- I think. A self sacrifice is never just one person giving everything up. A self sacrifice, unfortunately- is one person making a choice.

And everyone else caught, in the blast radius.

#critical role #cr spoilers #cr liveblogging #c3e91 #fcg #AH SHIT. THIS IS META AGAIN. FUCK #sorry. i. god. look. you all knew what you signed up for when you followed me right. im sorry #look im certain i missed 40 episodes of character dev i just need to word vomit where my brain is at given my context #character meta #spar speaks #fcg meta #i. GUESS. if other people want to take any portion of it and chew through it in a more informed way please be my gues #id love to. know things #ive got a lot of emotions to parse and im also about to make a ton of slightly terrible jokes if im not writing meta leggo #my meta

[strawbbseason]

‼️ totk spoilers ahead (post-crisis at hyrule castle quest and tears of the dragon)‼️

so like of course link doesn't actually fall for any of the fake zelda bullshit that ganondorf and the yiga clan try and pull off right? their impressions of her are terrible and he knows its not her of course

so why do they think he fell for it? why does ganondorf believe he's lead link right into his trap with his poorly designed puppet? i think it's more than just link humoring them, there is something in his expression that makes them think he's so gullible

i think it's desperation.

link knows its not her -- of course it's not! her voice is all wrong, her expressions, even her general aura. he's spent the last probably 5 years never leaving her side, he could pick his zelda out of a thousand perfect imitations every time, but. he thinks he'll never see her again. even before watching the flashback where she commits the forbidden act of losing yourself forever, he feels it in his bones. his zelda is gone.

so when he hears that she's been captured by the yiga clan near dueling peaks he goes, because he needs to see her. it doesn't matter that she's not real, he is seeing her with his own eyes and not through a memory and it could be the last. he just looks at not-his-zelda for a moment and looks so desperate. then he heaves a big sigh and sends a few yiga soldiers back to their master.

then he sees her while working with the sages and the first time, maybe twice or three times, he sees her strange clothes and thinks it's actually her and every fiber of his being is screaming run to her but he's rooted to the spot just staring with wide eyes and open mouth because she's turned away from him, she's walking away -- and then at the peak of death mountain she disappears into the volcano and a beast is released in her wake and he knows its not his zelda after all. and yet every time she appears after that he feels his heart clench and his breath catch and he just takes her in and he doesn't care if it's not real because any time he sees her could be the last.

so link chases chirps and warbles across hyrule because sure, armor that will allow him to climb up cliffs in the rain sounds great and all, but perhaps one of these rumors will come with a glimpse at his lost princess and that is the force that drives him. he chases her like a high and briefly he considers his health because he actually gets an adrenaline rush every time he hears her name and its maybe not the healthiest thing to be perpetuating but he doesn't care, he'll put himself in danger over and over again if it means seeing her golden hair and emerald eyes just one more time.

when purah points him to the castle link doesn't wait for her to finish, just sprints to the tower and launches himself into the air so he may catch her once again. when he gets there he hears a voice that sounds like his princess but the tone is all wrong of course, he knows. he chases her through the castle and cuts through the enemies she leaves for him every time. in the sanctum, ganondorf mocks link for being so foolish, for falling for his puppet so easily and being led right to his trap. the demon king misreads the expression on his face as disbelief, and link doesn't correct him. he doesn't say that of fucking course he knows its not his zelda, it was a weaker imitation than fucking beedle could do. he doesn't say that he's been chasing a puppet because he's desperate to see her just one more time, and maybe there is a small part of him that hopes that this time might be the one where she stays, where she looks at him with the same desperation and hugs him and tells him she's home.

when she disappears that time it's for good, and he waits until the sages leave before breaking down.

#I've been in the shower for like 45 minutes writing this #i haven't written tumblr meta in years but I'm so gone for totk link and his inner monologue #zelink #tears of the kingdom #totk #totk spoilers #tears of the kingdom spoilers #loz #botw #breath of the wild #this is pure word vomit and probably makes no sense but i just had to get it out

[aarkose]

Everyone calls Dream a pathetic petty little baby girl and like, yeah he is - but 

And the characters themselves are like Morpheus is cold, unfeeling, harsh, cruel and yeah he can be and he holds intense grudges - but 

I haven't really seen anyone talk about the scene where he's facing the Corinthian, who Morpheus admits was his masterpiece. And our favourite nightmare pointedly says that Dream doesn't care about humanity. He only cares about himself, and his realm and his rules. 

Morpheus sort of gets exasperated here, like really dude? And tells us he contains the entire collective unconscious, without his rules it would consume him and humanity. Like maybe he's been there before, or close to it. He admitted he lost an entire universe before because he didn't take out their vortex.

His voice trembles on the word consume, like its always there, ready to crush him, like he's constantly battling, like he's tired, like no one's ever really asked, understood or comprehended that before and he's admitting it for maybe the first time or it's one of the very few. And of all the beings he's admitting it to the Corinthian who throws it in his face.

Death more or less says dream mopes and he should get over it. Fiddler's Green insinuates he's almost incapable of apology or empathy. Lucienne believes he dismisses their efforts and that he's harsh with his punishments. Gault in their defiance tries to make him see that things should be capable of change and wanting something different. 

No one seems to get the truth of him? Or part of it. Or if they do it's not apparent and it seems a great tragedy to me. When he says the entire collective unconscious, I'm assuming he means entire, as in not just human - as in all life including other species we don't know of, that are otherwise 'alien'. It seems almost unfathomable to me no one stops to think he's the way he is for a reason. 

Every single unconscious thought, decision, fear, nightmare, dream, hope - anything and everything that can manifest in dreams from the nonsensical and absurd to disturbing and whimsical, including concepts we don't even understand as humans. That is what Morpheus is made of. The screams dying in throats as people wake from horrors, the reoccurring scenes of falling, being chased, being late, the grief from loved ones dying, flying, school, sex - the ones that don't make any sense. 

The nightmares that are so real and strong you can't get back to sleep. The dreams that are so sweet or fantastic you wake up mourning their loss. Day dreams, dreams that pick up where they left off, lucid dreams, depraved and disturbing dreams. The little thoughts we have about others we'd never say out loud or tell another living soul but they exist. It's all real, part of what makes us who we are and every other being that can dream - no wonder Morpheus' voice trembles on the word consume. That has to be near maddening? Like he's riding the line between insanity at any given moment because dreams can be entirely bizarre as much as they can hold significant meaning. 

So he mopes? He's distant? He's cruel or uncaring. Unfeeling in how he operates - I feel like I would be too if I contained the concepts of the entirety of existence - everything his siblings govern exists in his realm in the form of dreams. You can dream about desire, death, destruction, delirium, destiny, despair, all of it. He doesn't feel enough? Distant? Ungrateful? 

I think he feels too much, way too much and he can only push it down so far, or hold it back just enough. It makes him seem so delicate in my mind, like those who bottle and bottle. Pushing everything down or back just to keep functioning and then one little thing makes them snap. Suddenly you've damned your former lover to ten thousand years in hell because that amount of time and processing doesn't seem unreasonable against the impossibly incomprehensible thing that is existences unconscious. Let's not forget the souls in hell or every other afterlife, if they also dream, the concept of dreams as goals, the act of dreaming, creation and destruction, every nasty little thought, every fucked up thing anyone has ever comprehended and every joy. 

Maybe that's why everyone's harsh on him in my eyes, that he should have all this perspective but seemingly doesn't? But he believes what he does because he has that perspective and some things within that spectrum do not change, they repeat because there's only so much that can exist, and that has to be tiresome. 

But honestly, the other Endless, dreams and nightmares should realise what he's dealing with? Especially those close to him, or orbiting because no one is ever really close, and if dreams and nightmares can dream then Morpheus should know those too. I'd probs keep everyone away from me if I was a scrambled construct of emotions.

Fuck me up honestly. My tiny human brain is snapping trying to even comprehend the inner workings of Dream. None of this even makes sense. Just let the man rest, give the baby girl some slack. He's got both feet off the edge and no one's got his back. I'm tired now.

TLDR: Dream probably is the way he is because being who he is, is a lot. 

#the sandman #lord of dreams #dream of the endless #useless ramblings #the sandman meta #meta #netflix the sandman #the sandman spoilers #the sandman netflix #morpheus #lord morpheus #i'm sorry about this but I had to get it out #for safe keeping #my ramblings #neil gaiman #bunch of bullshit I word vomited for no reason

[kalak]

The thing about Luke is that his actions are driven by personal affection and relationships just as much as it's driven by a moral cause. When he needed to leave Tatooine he refuses bc he couldn't leave his aunt and uncle. He decides to become a Jedi to follow in his father's footsteps. He sincerely believes in and follows Obi-Wan Kenobi and is devastated when he dies; when he learns the truth about Vader he decides to turn him to the light side instead of killing him.

He's decisive in his compassion and love - he doesn't drag his feet trying to decide if it's the right thing, he just goes where his heart leads, and he cares very deeply about the people he meets and saves and befriends - that was the fatal flaw that led to the downfall of anakin, yet luke, free from palpatine's influence, free to realize himself on his own time, doesn't base his whole sense of self on another person. Unlike anakin, who relied so much on other people to make himself whole, luke becomes an individual before he leaves his nest, before he experiences loss. And that's the difference; Luke doesn't see himself as needing other people to be good. He's a person on his own right. He doesn't question, what am I without my loved ones? He'd still be luke.

And then he meets darth vader, who needs someone believing in him to be whole, and Vader meets luke, who has an abundance of love to give. It's a miraculous turn of events that leads to palpatine's fall down the reactor shaft, but it happens anyway. And Luke buries his father, but he still carries on - because he's still luke, after that loss. And that's the person that resurrects the jedi order, a person driven by personal affections; a person who experienced firsthand what belief in a person can do. Of course he'd change the jedi teachings in some ways. Not because the old jedi way were wrong, but because that's how he interprets the light side.

That's how luke becomes first of the new jedi; by interweaving his own attachments and affections and compassion into the light side.

#where was i going with this? anyway heres this word vomit #byeeeee #luke skywalker #star wars #star wars meta #my ramblings

[levmada]

it was mutual. right around the time levi learns that erwin's intentions with leading the survey corps aren't completely pure, erwin later is surprised to learn that levi has killed people.

in this case, i think erwin too learns that there is no idolizing levi. specifically being nothing but a force for good only. that he "can do no wrong".

the 1st time levi's feelings about erwin's reveal was directly brought up, it was during their argument about convincing erwin to stay behind. in a nutshell, levi didn't think it was safe, but it was what erwin wanted, so he let him.

the 2nd time, it was the last time they would speak, where the implication is that levi accepts this about him.

i think the two instances in the opposite case were 1st when erwin asked levi if he would take the responsibility of the syringe, and giving it to the person on the brink of death who would need it; specifically, erwin emphasizes that levi should get it and not himself because he is injured, and levi is better at making spur of the moment decisions. levi doesn't understand why he felt the need to ask if that is his mission.

yes everything erwin said is logically true, but still, why does levi get to decide who gets it over erwin? i think that question is why erwin asked levi instead of ordering him, and levi knows it too. erwin even asks "can i trust you with that?" but levi in return just asks what erwin's plans are if erwin's dream comes true.

i think the truth is that levi doesn't know if he can make that choice at this point. levi has not just chosen who should die for the sake of their mission now, but he has killed directly for erwin's dream - those members of the military police specifically - but not who should live.

i think that curiosity is why erwin asks instead of orders him. but levi doesn't consider what he can or can't do, or what qualifies him as morally good or not, when he answers. it's the case that if erwin wants him to do it, then he will.

hence why erwin would directly ask "can i trust you with that?"

i think he wants levi to think of himself - because after all one should wonder what guilt erwin feels for indirectly causing levi to murder human beings - but unlike with going on the expedition, levi won't give him what he wants. (which i feel the need to comment is almost a mirror of eren and mikasa's dynamic.)

the second and last time this is ever directly addressed - but still deeply subtextual - is when levi takes the decision of who should die and applies it to erwin and the cadets. he kills them. he will even do this too, because freedom from his dream is what erwin wants, but cannot and would not ask for. and of course later on, he would also make the decision of who should live.

tldr, levi's takeaway was accepting that erwin's dream was (i'll say for simplicity of discussion) the most important thing to him regardless of the harm it can or has caused to himself and others. levi doesn't agree with feeling that way, but regardless.

on the other hand, erwin's takeaway was accepting that levi has no concern about how guilty he should feel if it's in pursuit of erwin's dream, which in erwin's mind must diametrically oppose who levi is; levi is devoted to him whatever the context may be. erwin also wouldn't agree with this, but regardless.

#this is mainly word vomit sorry... but an observation i couldn't not write about #eruri #aot meta #aot #snk #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #erwin smith #erwin aot #levi aot #levi ackerman #levi snk #captain levi #commander erwin

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

the deleted scene from 2x01 already is so sad, but i feel like the saddest part is this exchange between ian and one of kash and linda’s sons.

there’s just this look in ian’s eyes, and i don’t know how to explain it. like, it’s sympathy but it also looks kind of guilty? he has sympathy for this poor boy and not only that but he’s been in the boys shoes. he had a parent abandon him, and he’s just been kind of an observer, watching in silence. we see it happen with him a lot, especially in the earlier seasons. ian just quietly watching in the background. ian’s been that kid before, and i think that he also feels some guilt and regret for being involved with kas because he realizes kash is like monica. he sees kash in a different light, and maybe it’s not the same as how he sees monica (especially considering how they both manipulated him in different ways), but he now knows kash is the type of man to leave his family, and he once connected and identified with kash, but the look he gives this kid kinda proves he always was really young, too.

#ian gallagher is wouldve couldve shouldve coded #this is just word vomit honestly #shameless #ian gallagher #linda karib #kash karib #2x01 #monica gallagher #meta #shameless meta #does this make sense

[lovebotomy]

I remember reading meta on how gwen is better for arthur than merlin because she and arthur share love for camelot while merlin only cares about Arthur's wellbeing and it got me thinking about morgwen. gwen is the most selfless person in the series. she's forgiving, very rarely gets mad, she says that she wouldn't wish uther dead because what would it change and then cares about him for arthur. she cares strongly about the kingdom. thorough the series arthur merlin and morgana all have desires to leave camelot and the burdens behind. arthur wants a farm, merlin to run away with freya, morgana with druids. has gwen ever expressed that? even as queen?? it's funny that in the end she's the one sitting on the throne lol

and it's true she's better for king arthur than merlin because merlin coddles him too much, loves him too much to let arthur reach his potential. (also isn't that what morgana would want.. for a man to love her so much... lol)

and this brings me to morgwen because morgana IS 'selfish'. she wants to be angry, to punish, to have someone stand by her no matter what and share her anger and assure her she's not alone and will be safe. she will stand by those close to her no matter what but she expects the same in return and I'm not sure gwen would give it to her, because gwen is Good and morgana needs someone to stand by her even if she's the farthest thing from good. gwen loves arthur and lancelot for their nobility, loves arthur for the king he will be - brave, strong, courageous, selfless, upholder of laws, protector, carer of the people. and morgana doesn't feel like those things. she's scared, secretive, manipulative, orchestrated uthers murder in s1 already, and while kind her love for herself becomes stronger than for the people of the kingdom (understandable as she believes they would want her dead).

their relationship would be very volatile because they would disagree with each other's values and methods too much. merlin says he could never be like morgana, but they're very similar (if only merlin wasn't brainwashed by gaius and killi and decided morgana - sorcerer defender - is the pendragon worth fighting for..) . gwen is truly on the opposite side of the spectrum from them both.

morganas turn on gwen suddenly makes so much sense because the one person who's been with her through so much and who you could always count on before was destined to marry your perfect golden boy brother and with morgana not part of the vision it's not difficult to imagine they both would turn away from her now that she wasn't the perfect kind selfless king's ward but a sorceress with an agenda and desires for herself.

no point confronting them about it and risking her plan when she already knows them enough to be sure about this

#merlin meta #morgana meta #morgwen #mergana #bbc merlin #sorry if this doesn't make sense I didn't reread it it's pretty much word vomit #doomed yuri fr

[ofwanderersin-thefourthdimension]

The thing about Susan leaving is that she throws away the key. He says he'll return but she throws away the key. Maybe it's because she was locked out and is hurt by it. Maybe it's because she doesn't believe his words. Maybe it's because she doesn't care, and she's finally finished the slow moving-on that she's started. Maybe it's because she wants to settle down, and having the key would be like holding a ticket to anywhere in the world when you don't intend to use it. Because if the Doctor does come back, it won't matter that she doesn't have the key, because they'll want to see her.

She throws away the key, and it means so much. I don't think we ever see that key properly before that episode (I might be wrong of course) but she throws that key away because she doesn't need it anymore, or want it anymore, for whatever reason. Her feelings about the matter are probably too complicated to be summed up as any one thing, so I won't try.

But she throws it away, and I can't help but think that it's good the Doctor left before he saw that, because that might have broken him.

She throws it away, and we see it almost from the Doctor's perspective because it does hurt us to see it tossed down there where anyone might come upon it and not know what it was for, or what it meant. Someone might pick it up (literally or metaphorically) for their own little adventure with the Doctor, but her throwing it away is probably the biggest sign that she's ready to move on, even if it does hurt. And the Doctor -- notice that they don't move on from a thing, really, especially early on. In The Aztecs, the First Doctor takes the token Cameca gave him though he'll likely never see her again, and that habit of not moving on stays with them for a fair bit of time, is almost integral to their character. It almost makes Susan seem more grown-up, and (seeing as it becomes canon later) paints the Doctor as almost painfully young (especially at that time), or perhaps painfully vulnerable, or most likely a bit of both.

Anyway I'm having feelings about that key

#so here's some word vomit for you #irrelevant and insensible thoughts #dw #classic who #the first doctor #susan foreman #first doctor era #meta #<- i guess but i don't know what to make of it

[ukelele-boy]

@literallyjusttoa 's post about Apollo loving mortals reminded me of my headcanons and analysis thoughts:

Healthy side of apollo love life:

- him falling in love with people and growing together with them, eventually helping them reach their dreams

- lots of other stuff ppl have talked about

Unhealthy side of apollo love life:

- getting into flings to distract himself from his loneliness and haunted memories and not truely about the other person

- getting into unhealthy relationships because he doesn't have a red flag radar

- replicating unhealthy relationship behaviors he's seen from Zeus, Olympus etc. without realizing

-also seeing those disturbing relationship behaviors can't be healthy. He's probably got some issues from that. And how his parent's love affair went downhill. And people going after his mom. And there are some messed up myths. I personally see it a bit in how Artemis swore off romance and Apollo became the opposite. They swung in different extremes.

- believing love can fix him, it will make him feel whole, and the ("this will be THE ONE" mentality) and being devasted and lashing out when they leave (often due to this exact issue)

- using his "I'm the god of flirting" persona to get compliments and appreciating looks, and that dopamine that makes him feel better about himself temporarily but then it inevitably fades, he feels terrible, he feels like a liar, but he needs it to keep himself afloat so he goes back to bars... Cycle repeats (aka crumbling self esteem propped up by his looks)

- love is A Transaction mentality caused by.. You guessed it... Olympus.

- also. His COMMITMENT ISSUES™. The reason most of his relationships are flings or very short is because...he's afraid. He's worried his love will lead them to a tragic fate.

He's worried about they will see past his put together facade and see his real messy self and then leave him. He is totally fine with flings but the deeper and longer the relationship goes on, the more flighty and afraid he becomes. He's afraid of getting attatched and then REALLY caring about what they think of him. What if one day he slips and they see the ugly parts. They'll hate him just like he hates himself. He's terrified.

He knows he falls hard and fast and it doesn't end well, so he tries to keep everything casual. He's terrified this relationship will be another Hyacinthus or Daphne. He's terrified that it will break him.

Also forgot to say but a lot of his unhealthy behaviors happened when he was younger and he's a lot better now. (but still has commitments issues lmao)

#mine #Word vomit again #lester papadopoulos #Meta #trials of apollo #pjo apollo #percy jackson and the olympians #He's so interesting to chew on #My blorbo he's got so many issues!!!