#yeah i'll make your mental illness worse | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

elliespassagerprincess · 9 months

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Omg if you’d be willing to do another boy genius song I loved the first one so much could you do cool about it it’s my favorite from them 🫶

Cool about it - (ellie williams x reader)

hi anon! I would love to do another boygenius one, I literally love them and thank you for the compliment! I hope you enjoy:)

This story is based off the song Cool about it by Boygenius, if you can please listen to the song as you're reading:)

Pairing: ellie x fem!reader

requests are always open, feel free to send one! you can send me a song and I'll take it from there!

HUGE Warning: mental illness, murder, descriptions of murder, gore, mentions of touching a body, a small description of a dead animal, and Ellie being unhinged (as per usual)

Summary: if Ellie couldn't have you, she'd make sure no one else ever will.

wc: 1.7k

Met you at the dive bar to go shoot some pool

And make fun of the cowboys with the neck tattoos

Ask you easy questions about work and school

I'm trying to be cool about it

Feelin' like an absolute fool about it

Wishin' you were kind enough to be cruel about it

Tellin' myself I can always do without it

Knowin' that it probably isn't true

When Ellie met you, she knew her life was going to change. Whether it was for better or for worse, she didn't care.

Dina recently came out as bisexual and according to her, she needed to "meet hot girls". She dragged Ellie to a local lesbian bar and Ellie hated every fucking second of it.

She wanted to go home so fucking bad. She wanted to sleep-

"hi"

Ellie's thoughts were interrupted when she heard a voice talking from behind her. The voice of an angel, she would describe it. That voice that changed her entire life, from that moment on.

Ellie turned her head to see you.

And yeah maybe coming to the bar that night wasn't such a bad idea.

The two of you talked for hours about how shitty your college is, you talked about how Ellie wanted a promotion at the Café she was currently working at. The two of you made fun of the bartenders neck tattoos.

It was a really a night to remember.

Ellie had gotten your number and she immediately asked you out on date. And you quickly said yes. I mean, who wouldn't? It's Ellie Williams.

You made Ellie feel like a fucking fool. You were making her do things she's never done before.

She showed up to the restaurant 2 hours early, so she could choose the best table, so she could make sure the area was safe.

Her palms were wet with sweat the closer as she watched the minutes go by as she was waiting for you.

Ellie's eyes lit up when you walked info the restaurant, the air in her lungs were knocked out as you walked towards her.

You were beautiful.

"Hi" you gave her a small smile before she got up to hug you. As Ellie wrapped her arms around you, the scent of your perfume overtook her senses.

The two of you fit together like a puzzle pieces.

The date was amazing. You talked like you had known each other for years, despite only knowing each other a week at that point in time.

As the evening came to an end you told Ellie something she didn't want to hear.

"Look I'm not looking for something serious, just casual hook ups that's all. No feelings attached"

"no feelings?" Ellie asked in shock

"Yeah" you replied. "Just be cool about it"

How could she be cool with only hooking up with the girl, she thought was her soulmate?

I came prepared for absolution, if you'd only ask

So I take some offense when you say, "No regrets"

I remember it's impossible to pass your test

But I'm trying to forget about it

Feelin' like I'm breaking a sweat about it

Wishin' you would kindly get out of my head about it

Tellin' myself one day I'll forget about it

Knowin' that it probably isn't true

Ellie hoped that one day you'd call her and say that you regret only hooking up with her. She hoped that you'd tell her that you wanted more than sex.

But at this rate Ellie doesn't think that will happen.

You'd only call her when you were alone or bored, and Ellie being stupid and in love, always went.

She'd drop everything for you.

She knows this is toxic, being in love with someone you know will never fucking love you is bad.

But Ellie hoped this was a test.

She hoped you were testing her, testing her loyalty. It was unlikely, but she always had hope.

You were in Ellies mind, like a fucking plague. Like a fly that wouldn't go away.

Everything she looked at, everything she smelt or touched reminded her of you. And she was sick of it.

She saw you in her dream, and in her nightmares. Ellie saw you everywhere.

She already couldn't have you, now you were haunting her.

Is this some kind of joke? Did you ask a spell on her?

She'd beg the stars above to have mercy on her. To make her even forget about your existence entirely. But she couldn't.

You were there to stay. To haunt her. To mock her. Maybe one day she'll move on, but for now she has to deal with being with your side chick.

If only you'd given her a chance, you'd still be alive right now.

Once, I took your medication to know what it's like

And now I have to act like I can't read your mind

I ask you how you're doing and I let you lie

"Ellie when last have you taken your medication?" Joel asked as he walked into Ellie's room.

Empty plates and cups littered the room as he saw a few bugs run around.

Ellie's head snapped towards the door when she heard him talk.

"Ellie you know you need it" Joel tried talking with her again

"I dont"

"you'll hurt someone if you don't drink it" he tried reasoning with her

"I'm fine, I won't hurt anyone"

"don't lie Ellie"

"Joel get the fuck out" and with a sigh Joel left the room.

"I need to get into her mind" Ellie spoke aloud even though there was no one there.

"She left me Barry... why would she leave me for her?"

She needed to know why you didn't want her. She needed to know why you chose some blonde bitch over her.

She was cool with the arrangement that the two of you had. Strictly sex and nothing else. She got to see you, she got to spend time with you, but now that you have someone else.

You stopped seeing her.

What made Abby so special, that you could commit to her and not to Ellie? What was wrong with her?

"What can we do?"

"Hurt her? No that's not nice Barry" she told him.

"Wait so you're saying if we kill her no one will touch her?" She asked him.

"If she says no i'll hurt her...yeah thanks Barry"

Ellie excitedly got up from her bed as she reached out to grab her phone. She quickly texted you asking you to come over because the two of you had to talk about something important.

You said you'd be there in an hour and grin spread across Ellie's face.

Joel had left the house to go to see Ellie's therapist. He was very fucking concerned and he was afraid for his own safety.

Joel knew there was something wrong with Ellie since she was 5 years old.

She was playing out in the garden, before Joel called her in a for dinner. But Ellie excitedly told him "come look, I made a friend!"

With smile Joel walked out, but his smile was soon overcome with pure horror and shock.

Blood littered the grass a squirrel lay there cut in half.

Joel turned to Ellie as she looked at him with a big smile.

"Barry made me do it!"

Therapy session after therapy session, but yet no one knew why a 5 year old was killing animals.

They told Joel he was being overdramatic, that she was just acting out. But the older Ellie grew, the more violent her acts became.

She killed animals, she hurt her friends. She wasn't a kid acting out, she was a girl with a serious problem.

They gave her medication, to keep whoever Barry was quite. Without barry Ellie lived a happy life. A peaceful life.

But now, because of you, for the first time in years, she heard Barry talk to her again.

Barry always knew best in Ellie's eyes.

Ellie quickly cleaned the living room, before she hopped into the shower. All you needed to do was say yes, and she wouldn't hurt you.

Just say yes.

But we don't have to talk about it

I can walk you home and practice method acting

I'll pretend being with you doesn't feel like drowning

Tellin' you it's nice to see how good you're doing

Even though we know it isn't true

"please give me one chance" Ellie begged.

She watched you lower your heard as you let out a sigh.

"Ellie I can't, you know I don't feel the same way"

"Please try" she begged.

She hoped you would say yes. She didn't want to hurt you. You would be ok, you would walk out of here alive if only you said yes to her.

The love Ellie had for you was killing her. It felt like she was drowning.

Either you let her love you or she'd make sure nobody would ever love you again.

Ellie felt the cold blade of the knife dig into her back. She had hid the knife behind the chair she was sitting at and all she wanted was for you to say yes.

She needed you to just give her a chance and everybody would be happy. Everybody would be safe and you would leave alive.

"Ellie I said no"

Ellie's eye slightly twitched as she took a deep breathe. She closed her eyes lowering her head into her hands.

why didn't you just say yes?

She got up grabbing the knife, hiding it behind her back as she made her way towards you.

With tears in her eyes, Ellie looked at you and said "you should've said yes"

You looked at Ellie as she towered over you, you opened your mouth to say something but you suddenly felt something cold in your shoulder.

You looked to your seeing there was a knife, with eyes wide you looked back at Ellie as you let out a whimper.

"Why?" You asked her, as you felt the unbearable pain in your shoulder.

"you should've said yes" Ellie repeated, as she removed the blade from your shoulder.

You let out a cry, when the blade was pulled from your shoulder.

You tried moving away from Ellie, but she was bigger than you and much stronger. You had nowhere to run and all you could do was accept your fate.

Ellie brought the knife down as she stabbed you in the stomach.

"You should've said yes" she repeated.

The knife was pulled from my stomach, and she slashed your left cheek.

"You should've said yes"

She brought the knife directly into your eye socket.

"You should've said yes" she repeated as she slit your throat.

"You should've said yes" Ellie yelled as she repeatedly brought the knife down, stabbing you all over your body.

Blood spattered everywhere, and there wasn't an inch of your skin that was left uncut or without blood.

The last words you ever heard that day was "you should've said yes"

maybe you should have.

Ellie threw the knife somewhere in the room as heavy breathes left her mouth. Ellie looked down at your body, with a small smile on your face.

"We did it", she muttered to herself.

Ellie gently placed your still warm, and still bleeding body onto the floor, before she got onto her knees to give you a kiss on your forehead.

"I'm sorry I hurt you" she brought her hand up to wipe the blood from your lips.

"but it had to be done"

She lowered herself onto your chest. Ellie lay there cuddling with your dead body, she closed her eyes and she let out a hum of approval.

She's definitely has to thank Dina for taking her to that bar.

Authors note: well I've been posting everyday for the last 4 days and I'm so sorry for spamming, but I have so many requests and I'm trying to get everything done for yall. So just know for the next few days, I'll be feeling you with ALOT of content lmfao.Remember you are loved and to always be kind. I love you all.

Yours truly,

Zia:)

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justmossyall · 1 year

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depression hacks masterpost

these are things that will help with mental illness that aren't 'go outside, drink water, and everything will be fine!!!1!!!11!1!11!' those are good fs but they don't work on their own. these will actually help in one way or another :)

hell yeah let's go

open your windows. the fresh air and sunlight will do you good and it takes like 5 seconds.

go buy some plants, there are like a gazillion that are next to impossible to kill. and don't come at me with 'ohhh I'll probably find a way hahaha" NO. the plants will be so helpful! they produce oxygen, bring nature indoors which psychologically improves your mental state, and they're just nice to look at! you can name them! sculpt and/or paint little pots for them!

STOP LISTENING TO SAD MUSIC. I cannot stress this enough. it just makes things worse. please stop. make a playlist of all your favorite stupid, happy, pump-up songs and listen to them all the time until they get annoying. then repeat!

acquire a gazillion stuffed animals. so much serotonin for such a small price

get a water bottle and put fun stickers on it, and designate that water bottle to be only for water. nothing else goes in it. that way you can drink out of it for kind of a long time before needing to wash it. keep it filled with water and actually drink out of it. drink as much water as you can, all the time.

chew gum! idk why but it works bro. especially watermelon.

hug people and ask people to hug you. hugs are so amazing it's like pure happiness but with the added perk of Deep Pressure. it can be from your friends, family, s/o, whoever.

make sure there's a lot of light in your room. not good to wallow in darkness. put up fairy lights, get fun lamps, light candles, keep your blinds open, etc.

dress like how you want to feel. be colorful, fun, and comfortable. don't wear hoodies, sweatpants and ratty old shoes, I know it's appealing but it's just going to keep you in that depressed state. I like to wear dresses, colorful jeans, graphic tees from 5-Below, combat boots, and lots of funky earrings. (seriously 5-Below is a lifesaver for literally anything!!!) you can get a lot of these things for super cheap - I got a 20 pack of fun earrings like duckies, mushrooms, mini water bottles, etc. for like $11, and a lot of my colorful jeans are like 6 bucks at the thrift store. whatever your style is or whatever you want it to be, work to make that happen. because getting dressed is one of the simplest things you'll do in a day, so why not make the most of it?

doodle. it's fun and simple, and it'll give your hands something to do other than pick at your skin if you do that kind of stuff (see below).

on a similar note, make art!!!!! it doesn't have to be good!!!!!! just make art all the time, as often as you can. write crappy fanfiction. make friendship bracelets. sculpt a funky lil cat. draw your comfort characters. art is so healing and it will do wonders for you. even just like run your hands through a giant bag of beads like I do :P

get fidgets and bring them everywhere with you. this is more of an anxiety/stimming thing for me but I pick at my fingers, lips, pimples, eyebrows, etc., and it hurts a lot and will probably leave scars. fidgets are just amazing. I'm partial to tangles and infinity cubes :) gum and chewelry are good for this as well (for when I bite my fingers/clothes or chew the skin off my lips)

if you find yourself with a whole day with nothing to do and you don't have the energy to get up and do anything, go to the park. bring a blanket, some snacks, and headphones, and just lay there and listen to music. sleep. watch youtube. literally anything you would normally do when you don't have energy, except it's outside in the sun and grass and nature around other people who are doing the same thing! 10/10

get a pet if you can. even just fish, but really a fluffy, snuggly animal is probably best such as a dog or cat. OH MY GOD THEY HELP SO MUCH. ANIMALS ARE MAGIC. I don't think I've ever been sad while holding or petting my grandma's dog. (our family doesn't have one right now lol)

spray perfume/body spray on you. faster and easier than deodorant and it usually smells better

if you're gonna scroll, scroll pinterest. honestly, it's probably best to get rid of things like tiktok and snapchat, but that's kinda unrealistic for most people so I get it <3 pinterest is probably gonna be better than other social media cause it's more creative?? if you know what I mean?? and usually it's reading things and not mindlessly watching videos

if you don't have the energy to do stuff with your hair, put it up in a bun! fast simple and easy. takes like 5 seconds, even for someone with super thick curly hair like me. (or cut it short! but most of us aren't brave enough to do that lol)

eat fruit. sweet and comforting, but healthy!! so much better for you than junk food, and honestly it tastes better most of the time too. I recommend strawberries, raspberries, blackberries, watermelon, and cantaloupe. easy to take with you on the go and sooooo good <333

play calming video games such as animal crossing, minecraft, stardew valley, cats with soup (if you're into mobile games), etc. puzzle games are good too! if you want something more combat-y, I would recommend the zelda games or forager. still chill and mellow but has more combat and story/lore

garden if you can. I know this kind of ties in with having plants in your room, but if you're able and you have the energy, keep a flower and/or vegetable garden. there's something so beautiful in putting your hands in the warm dirt, smelling your freshly-planted flowers, eating sun-infused vegetables that taste infinitely better than store-bought. it's so nice, but I know it's not for everyone so don't worry about it if you don't get around to it <3

sleep in the bus/car on the way to school if you're tired. not a perfect solution but better than falling asleep in class

inhale through your nose, not your mouth. it's better for your lungs and you'll get better air quality that way. it also helps calm you better than mouth breathing, and you can't exactly smell the fresh air through your mouth :P

read. sit down and read a book. carry one with you wherever you go. spend a weekend day in the library with a huge stack of books just reading. it's so calming and helps stimulate your brain. doesn't matter what you read as long as it's making you happy :)

surround yourself with color, not dark drab colors. hang up art and posters on your walls, get bright blankets and pillows, lay out a tiny lil carpet, make bead curtains and string them up on your curtain rod, set out little figurines/sculptures around your room. put color and life everywhere around you, and that will start to seep into your soul.

tea is always good. or if you don't like tea, hot water with lemon juice and honey. basically the same :)

if you ever just don't want to do something, like you just absolutely don't want to get up and do _ thing, think about future you. would they be like "bro thanks so much you really helped me out there" if you did the thing? if yes, then do it, no matter how impossible it seems. you'll thank yourself later.

a statement that is near and dear to my heart: if you feel like everyone hates you, sleep. if you feel like you hate everyone, eat. if you feel like you hate yourself, shower.

NO MORE SU!C!DE JOKES. ever. the end! replace "i'm literally gonna kms" jokes or anything along those lines with "i'm literally gonna flop to the floor" or "i'm literally gonna go ham bananas on this place" or whatever wild bullshit pops into your brain.

watch studio ghibli movies. the most amazing things to ever exist. I have never felt sad while watching a ghibli movie. they are basically the definition of peace.

take a bubble bath!!!!! :D

making your bed helps for some reason??? why, I have no idea. but it does bro

get excited about things. smile when you hear your favorite song. hug your amazon package when it comes in. count down the days until a holiday. laugh with joy when you have an amazing day. it makes things so much better.

an important addition: bring snacks everywhere

that's all for now, lmk if you have anything else to add!!! love you guys, I promise it gets better <3

#depression hacks #i love you #so many people love you

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anime-addict-362 · 1 year

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So Many Ways to Say Yes

Request: i may or may not want to duck his brains out; autocorrect is trying to unhorny me; yknow that one arc when the character has been abused or mistreated or feels unworthy or whatever so immediately assumes theres no aftercare and just tries to leave like "alright, ill be out of your hair then, sorry i took so long to pack up" and you just have to pat them and comfort them

A/N: I've never tried so hard on a smut oneshot 🧍‍♀️ I don't know much about genshin but thank you for requesting! I tried to not go too into details, considering I've only played around 4 hours into Genshin and didn't ge that far. Never heard of Xiao but I looked at videos, then took the request into mind while trying to write his character out. Enough talking, hope you enjoy! :))

CW: NSFW, Xiao x Female Y/N, Sub Xiao, hand jobs, anal penetration (male receiving), fingering (male receiving), oral (male receiving), fluff, lots of reassurance, aftercare

× × × × × ×

Y/N eyed Xiao from the tree she sat under. It was a nice day and she needed a break after work. But jesus christ, what was he doing?

He was jumping around. That's the most logical thing she could come up with. Maybe practicing to be a ballerina? She snorted at the idea of him in a tutu.

Then he fell. It looked like it was on purpose, just falling on his face. She had to fight from laughing too hard, and exposing her spot under the tree.

She got up with a sigh when he didn't get up, going over to him. He was still face down in the grass. "There's a bug in your ear."

He jumped at the voice, then hit at his ear. "What?!" Y/N snickered, and Xiao frowned, smacking her as he stood up. "Go back to work, dick."

She gasped. "Dick? Me?"

"Yeah," He felt his going red. Why? He didn't really know.

"Rude," She chuckled. "And I'm done with my work today. I was reading."

Xiao stared at her. "Then what are you doing here?"

"I was reading there," She pointed to the tree, watcjing Xiao think.

Then his face went a deep red.

"You saw-"

"I did," She confirmed. "What was up with that, by the way?"

"None of your business," He spit out quickly, looking away.

"Okayyyy," She smiled. "I'll let it go, as long as you promise this isn't a sign that you should see a psychiatrist."

"I'm fine mentally," He waved her off.

"But physically..."

Y/N saw his face go red again. "I'm fine."

"You sure-"

"Yes!"

Y/N jumped at his sudden yell. "I have a pretty good doctor if you just don't want to tell me-"

"Please shut up," He groaned, burying his face in his hands. "No doctors. In fact, don't tell anyone what you saw."

Y/N stared at him, making out his mumbling. "Are you okay? Like actually."

He huffed, feeling her worried look. "I can't tell you."

"Why not," She looked at him weird. "You called me when your friend got his foot stuck in that toilet, how is this worse than that?"

Xiao couldn't help but snort, and knew that's what Y/N was trying to get. "You broke his foot."

"He stuck it in a toilet," She shrugged. "Not my fault. Now what's up? I won't judge you, I promise."

He hesitated. "No laughing?"

"None at all."

"No jokes?"

"Absolutely not."

Xiao groaned. He couldn't believe he was going to tell Y/N. He was going insane. Maybe he did need a psychiatrist.

"I uh," He gulped. "I can't... Get rid of my uh-" He coughed.

Y/N looked at him weird. "Spit it out or else I'll laugh in your face."

He groaned. "My- penis. It won't go soft."

Y/N blinked at that. "That's it?"

Xiao scoffed. "That's it? Really?"

"I thought you were going to tell me some issue with your ass or something, not that you can't come," She shrugged.

Xiao frowned, but he was glad Y/N didn't laugh. "Can you leave me alone?"

"I... That doesn't explain the jumping around," She frowned. "Is that like a kink or something-" She yelped when he smacked her repeatedly. "Okay! God!"

He groaned, going back to the ground. It was better there, maybe it'll swallow him whole.

"I don't know, okay," He ran a hand down his face when she sat by him. "It's driving me nuts. It hurts, I don't know what to do."

Y/N hummed. "How long?"

"Like since 3 AM last night," Again, he was thankful there was not even a chuckle coming from Y/N. He might actually try and snap his own neck if she laughed at his dick.

Y/N thought that over. "I know you said no doctors but-"

"No," He shook his head quickly.

"Alright," She nodded.

"You don't have to help me," He huffed. "Its awkward and weird, I'll just go back to my bed and die."

Y/N snorted at that, and looked down to his pants. Right, he always wore a cover. Which was understandable, goblins and mages didn't care whether a hit to your dick hurt, they'd probably aim there if they were smarter than they were.

"It's not that awkward," She shrugged. "Shit happens."

"So how many people have told you... What I told you," He stopped himself from repeating it. Once was far enough.

"None," She confirmed. "But there's a first for everything, no need to be shocked by everything that comes my way," She sighed, sitting up on her knees. "Do you want help?"

Xiao froze but relaxed soon after. She didn't mean it like that.

"I don't want anyone else to know," He peaked over to her. She looked at him confused.

"What, are you like loud," She snickered. "I'll gag you if I really have to, but I doubt-"

Xiao kicked her leg. "You want to fuck me?!"

Y/N laughed at his kick. "I want to help the fact you're in pain and yes, having sex seems to be apart of that," She cleared her throat, shrugging. "Doesn't have to go that far though, just until you come."

He opened his mouth a bit, then closed it. Was she being serious? "You don't have to-"

"I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want to help," She threw in there. "But if you don't want to, you have to promise you'll see someone for help. Embarrassing or not."

He huffed, for about the third time of that exchange. This was not happening- Was she really offering... Whatever she was, just to help him?

"Dude, it's okay if you don't want to," She chuckled. "Just wanted to help."

"I just..." He stopped, mind reeling. "What uh, what do you mean.. Help?"

Y/N shrugged. "Probably just start with a handjob, see where that gets you. If it doesn't help, might suck you off. But again, just what you're okay with," She leaned back on her hands with a sigh, stretching. "Could fuck me, really. But you'd have to give me a moment to get ready. For sure need a condom."

This was happening. This was happening? Jesus christ, she was being serious. "Are- are you sure," He asked, afraid that she wasn't actually okay with this. She was nice and would help him whenever but he didn't want her to force herself just to help his issue. It was his fault he didn't see a doctor, anyway.

"Of course," She smiled. "You seem miserable dude. And I'm fine with it."

He thought over it one more time. Y/N wouldn't do anything he didn't like, he already knew that. But was he okay with this? Was he okay with Y/N... Well, jacking him off? Was he okay with seeing her bent down between his legs and sucking-

Yeah he was, his dick behind the hard cover really confirmed it as he twitched. God, it really hurt.

"Okay," He nodded.

"You sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure," He groaned, going to stand up, then yelped as his penis somehow got caught in the cover, but jesus, did it send a shock of pleasure with the pain through him. He sat right back down.

"Okay okay, lay the fuck back," Y/N snorted, and moved to sit on her knees in front of him, between his legs.

"Ri- right here," He hated how his voce rang up multiple octaves.

"Can you walk," Her question almost sounded like a challenge. "If you don't want to here, then at least take this goddamn cover off until we get to wherever."

He was just jumping around just fine damnit, why couldn't he stand? "What if someone-"

"They won't," Y/N assure him, hands moving to rub his thighs. "I promise, okay? I wouldn't be doing this here if I wasn't sure of it."

He gulped. "Can we uhm, at least move to the tree," At least there was shade, and some cover. But she was right, it was quite a long walk. He barely knew how he got over here with all the jumping around.

But he was desperate, so who knows.

"Of course, c'mon," She gave him a reassuring smile, helping him get up with her.

Okay, one step at a time. The tree was right there, and Y/N was going to- Okay yeah, he needed to hurry before his penis exploded.

Maybe he was being dramatic but the thought of Y/N helping him get off was very overwhelming, okay? Even if it wasn't exactly... New.

Okay so Y/N was hot, everyone thought so! It was okay for him to think it too. Even if his thoughts were shifting towards more romantic things, and less just wanting to fuck her into the bed things.

The things people tell him just because he's close to Y/N was insane. He didn't need to hear about their fantasies about her, it was weird.

So he was jealous- Fuck off.

Oh shit, he made it to the tree! Didn't even notice.

"Alright, get comfortable," Y/N spoke up, then smiled as he collapsed against the tree. He looked decent enough, really. Except for while he was walking, he didn't seem to be too uncomfortable. But she trusted him when he said it hurt.

Once again, she dropped to her knees in front of him, watching his face turn red quickly. "Any way I can do this that'll help you calm down?"

He shook his head. "I'm okay, it's just uh... I'm fine."

"It's just what," She asked, not wanting to fuck up somehow if she didn't have to.

"I don't.... I don't think I'm very good at this tyoe of thing," He gulped.

"Oh," Y/N smiled, and god, it was bright. "That's okay. It's just me. I won't make any jokes, promise."

Well since she was being nice. "But what if I mess up?"

"There's not much you can do to mess up," She chuckled.

"I disagree."

Y/N hummed at that. "I get it. You're nervous. But you really can't mess up here."

"But-"

"Xiao," She grabbed his face with one hand, successfully squishing his cheeks. "If you do something that wrong, I will let you know. I will smack you in this pretty face if I have to. Understand?"

He nodded and she smiled, letting go. "Lift your hips," She wasn't expecting him to listen instantly, but he was probably really wanting to get on with his dick to stop hurting. He was practically limping.

She slid the more loose pants off his legs, and set them aside. Her next step was tp take that damn cover off. Obviously, it was not helping him, other than hiding it.

"Not even a pair of boxers," Y/N asked, working on loosening the cover. Why did he need one so damn intricate? "No wonder your dick hurts, this is like metal."

"I know," He huffed. "The fabric was too rough."

"And the metal isn't," She snicked, finally taking the damn cover fully off. And damn, was it fucking messy. It looked like he had came repeatedly already.

Eh. She could deal with that.

She didn't bother waiting to grab his dick, but pulled away when he flinched, hard. "Did that hurt?"

"N- no," He shook his head quickly. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," Y/N chuckled, and held onto his dick again. More carefully this time. "Rough or gentle?"

"Gentle."

She nodded, and gave an experimental tug. She expected another flinch, or a gasp. Not the moan that was practically yelled, and him fucking into her hand, not gently.

"Fuck," He practically sobbed.

Y/N raised an eyebrow but smiled in amusement, watching tears fill his eyes so quickly. She just kept her hand still, letting him do his thing.

He couldn't think straight. All he knew was that a cold-ish hand wrapped around his dick, and god, he needed relief. But he caught himself and stopped, pulling away. "I'm sorry," He was deeply embarrassed by the fact he was crying.

"Stop," Y/N sat up, moving to lean over him. He slid more on the ground during his moment so it wasn't hard. "It's okay, Xiao. C'mon."

He moaned again as she held his dick again, just as gently. And with her above him, smiling at him reassuringly, god, he needed to come.

"You were doing so good, fuck my hand again," She started moving her hand first, but stopped once his hips started to buck up, slowky this time. "Good job, you're doing such a good job."

He choked out a moan, hands gripping at Y/N's wrist and waist. "Don't stop, please."

"I won't," She assured him, despite knowing he was doing most the work here.

"Y/N," He gasped, hips stuttering. "Kiss me? Please?"

That caught her off guard, but she listened. She leaned in and groaned when Xioa slammed them together. The kiss was messy but Xiao was moaning throughout it, so she didn't complain.

"Thank you," He whimpered against her lips. "Feels so- You feel so good, please don't stop."

Y/N felt her breathing pick up. She didn't know he would be like this. She liked it though, how fucking whiney he was, hips excited to fuck just her hand.

So she kissed him, just as roughly as he did. He grabbed a handful of her hair to keep her in place, fucking into her hand faster. Her hand was absolutely covered in the old come, but she hoped more would be joining soon.

He pulled away to whine into her shoulder. "It's not enough," He sobbed, frustrated and embarrassed.

"Okay," Y/N nodded, taking a deep breath. "Just uh, give me a second, okay?"

He nodded, pulling away so she could do what she needed. He watched her every move, the way her arms flexed as she pulled her jacket, the way, her eyes closed as she pulled her hair up, and god, the way she looked at him.

He yelped as she grabbed his legs and pulled, quickly and roughly. She kept doing so until he was laying on his upper back and shoulders, and his legs were on her shoulders, successfully putting his dick and ass practically in his face.

This was so fucking embarrassing, what was he-

"Oh fuck," He yelled as her tongue ran up his length, her hands holding his hips to keep him from squirming too much. "Yes!"

She kissed his thigh but pulled away again. "What all did you do to try and get off?"

He paused at the question, mind running much to quick to process it quickly. "I uhm- I jacked off?"

"That's it," She asked, looking confused.

"Well," He gulped. "I took a cold shower and um... Fingered myself," He gulped again, looking away.

"Jesus christ Xiao," Y/N mumbled, looking to his ass. "Can I eat you out?"

So many different ways to answer that. So many ways to say yes. But he didn't think one really fit the situation like he wanted.

"Please, Y/N," He choked out, reaching out to hold her hand.

Y/N held his hand back, before going to eat him out. He immediately jumped, then moaned softly. So she brought her free hand up to jack him off, gently again.

Xiao could barely think. Y/N's tongue inside of him, the hand around his cock, and god, the way she fucking manhandled him so he wouldn't move. He could get used to this, he wanted more of this. He wanted this everyday, just Y/N.

God, the things he would want to do to Y/N if she let him. All of it went way past sex. No, he liked her more than that. He wanted a life with her, not just the sex, even though it sounded great.

And god, it was great. Y/N was relentless, obviously trying hard to make him come. It was just like, whenever he felt he was getting close, he just wouldn't come. He hoped that Y/N would make a difference, and yeah, it felt way better. But he still wasn't coming.

"Y/N," He whimpered after a few minutes of wordless moans, and grabbing at her. "It's- It's not-" He shook his head.

Y/N didn't want to give up at this point. Xiao was fucking close, she knew it. So she adjusted him again, letting his legs lean back into the air, rather than hwr shoulders.

She let two fingers slide in and almost groaned at how easily they slid in. God, this would be a great time to have her strap on her. Damnit.

She searched for that spot she knew was there, other hand wrapping around Xiao's hips so he was stop moving around so much.

"There," He gasped. "Yes, fuck, there yes, that's it," He nodded, hand going down to find Y/N's thigh. He really needed something to hold.

Y/N loosened her arm from his hips to go back to his dick. She let her fingers curl everytime she moved them in, to hit that one spot that was making him jump.

God, he was sobbing again. His mind switched from completely full, to absolute empty. He couldn't think, he only felt those goddamn hands. He wasn't sure what he was saying but hes pretty sure he was talking. Or just mindlessly babbling.

Regardless, he was past the point of embarrassment.

He didn't know when she added a third finger but he felt it when he felt his stomach twisting. He sobbed loudly. "I'm gonna cum, please Y/N," He gripped her thigh roughly, maybe too rough, but Y/N didn't say anything. "Oh- God fuck! Please!"

Y/N huffed, keeping her pace even. This was working.

Until it wasn't.

She sighed when Xiao didn't come, and felt his frustrated groan, a hand going up to wipe hie tears.

"This is pointless," He dropped his weight on her, not caring at this point.

Y/N thought this over. His cock was very clearly sensitive, a very deep red and he seemed to be getting tired.

Xiao was ripped from his hating thoughts when Y/N pulled away completely. "What-"

"C'mon," She threw him his pants.

"Did I- What are we doing," He asked, breathing heavy. No. He didn't want to stop. Even if it wasn't working- No, he needed Y/N. Fuck, no, she can't just leave.

"We're-"

"I love you," He blurted out, stopping both of them.

Y/N paused. "What?"

"I love you," No turning back now. "I'm in love with you, if anyone can make me come, it's you. Please don't leave me like this, Y/N, I'm begging you."

Y/N watched Xiao cry with wide eyes. It wasn't out of pleasure this time, but she could tell he was getting overwhelmed, he even looked scared.

"Xiao," She mumbled, sitting by him and holding him. He sobbed, holding her back. "I'm not leaving, I promise. I was never leaving. It's okay, take a deep breath."

"Don't leave," He could barely tell it was his own voice. It was shaky, and almost pathetic, but Y/N just held him closer, kissing the top of his head.

"It's okay," She assured him, lifting his head and wiping away tears. "Look at me."

He looked her in the eye and almost broke down all over again at the look in her eye. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise. I'm right here."

"I love you," He shook his head. "Don't push it aside, please acknowledge it, I love you Y/N. I don't want you to leave me after this, please don't."

Y/N sighed, kissing him. He groaned, kissing her back and then looked at her for her next words. Anything more.

"I love you too, Xiao," She wiped more tears away. "I am head over heels for your dumbass."

He couldn't help but chuckle. "Do you really?"

"Yeah," She nodded. "And we'll talk about that later okay? I promise we will. But I need you to answer something for me."

He nodded. He was sure he would do anything right now, if she asked.

"Did you purposely not let yourself come because you thought I would leave you here," She asked, a thumb still caressing his cheek, despite most of the tears being dried up.

"No," He shook his head, then thought it over. "Maybe? I don't know, it could've been part of it but it wasn't on purpose. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," She smiled softly, then blew out of breath. "Thank god, I thought I was losing my touch."

Xiao smacked her arm, rolling his eyes. That was definitely her, alright.

Y/N chuckled. "Okay c'mon. Let's do this again."

He watched her move back between his legs, spreading them over her own thighs, so he was on display for her once again.

"Wait," He spoke up. "So what were you doing, if you weren't leaving?"

"Oh," She tilted her head. "I was gonna fuck you at my place."

He blinked. "...why not here, like everything else?"

"I wanted a condom, and my strap is in ny bedroom," She snorted. "I don't want to pop out a baby quite yet."

"That's fair," He nodded with a sigh.

"Mhm," She hummed, a hand pushing up his shirt. "Ready?"

"Yeah," Xiao nodded, looking to her with a small smile. God, he better fucking come, it was going to be embarrassing as hell if he didn't.

She wrapped her hand around he again, gently. The other hand made its way to his right nipple, moving her thumb over it before she pinched it, still gentle.

He moaned again, breathing picking up. "Oh fuck," He wished he could stop crying.

"Good boy," She hummed and he twitched, starting to fuck her hand all over again. And again, he wasn't gentle with himself.

"Call me it again, please," He practically begged.

"You're such a good boy, Xiao," Y/N grinned, watching him fuck her hand harder.

"Just yours," He whined.

"Yeah, you're my good boy," She kissed his chest, then moved to kiss his neck. "You're doing so good, c'mon baby, you can come. You're look so pretty, fucking up into my hand."

His jaw dropped as he whimpered, his orgasm sneaking up on him. "I- I'm- Y/N-"

"Yes, come baby," Xiao thrived at the way she sounded as breathless as him, and came all over her hand.

He gripped onto her hard, body jerking closer and farther from her hand. "Ah fuck fuck FUCK," His eyes rolled back, and it felt like it wouldn't stop.

But next thing he knew, he was in a bed. Not his, no. But looking at the room, he could tell it was Y/N's. It was so her.

"Sup," He jumped at Y/N's voice. She stood in the doorway to her room, eating something. "You're awake!"

Xiao sighed, sitting up. "God, what happened?"

"Dude, you came so much," Y/N laughed. "Its was so hot. But you pretty much blacked out from there. I almost took you to your place but my place was closer and you looked like you really needed some rest."

She walked away for a second but came back with another plate and handed it to him. "I cleaned you up but you should eat."

"Thank you," He frowned a bit. "For everything."

"No need to thank me," She shook her head, setting her plate aside. Go ahead and eat. We'll talk afterwards, okay?"

He nodded, head hanging.

She kept him talking pretty much throughout the whole time they ate, about random things. Events coming up, whether he had to do anything significant soon, or what he did over that week.

Then when they were done, Xiao laid back in her bed, waiting for her return. She said she was just cleaning the dishes but she was taking awhile. But she did come back, with his clothes, now clean.

"Thank you," He looked back down, once he had the clothes, seeing she even fixed a hole in the left pant leg. "Why'd you do that?"

"I got bored," She shrugged, sitting by him. "What's up?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you're pouting," She chuckled. "C'mon, talk to me. What's wrong?"

Xiao shrugged, because he didn't really know. He was happy, Y/N loved him back, she did all these great things for him, what was there to feel bad about?

"Is has to be something," She held his hand and he felt his eyes shoot to them. Fuck yes!

"I don't know," He spoke truthfully. "It's nothing specific. I guess... I feel bad that you did all this, maybe. Had sex with me in an almost open field, brought me here when I passed out, made me food, cleaned and fixed my clothes. I think it would've been easier to just take me home or just leave me there."

"Do you think you're a burden for me," She asked with a frown, and he shrugged.

"I guess you could say that."

"Xiao," She turned his head and kissed him. It was soft, and much more controlled than their other's. Her lips moved gently over his and he sighed, taking a tighter hold of her hand.

"You will never be a burden to me," Y/N looked him in the eye when she pulled away, still holding his face so he wouldn't looked away. "Everything I did today, I did because I wanted to. I wanted to do it for you. And you deserved it all, and so much more."

He sighed, taking a risky move to hold her. But she held him back, kissing the top of his head. "Thank you. You know... I'm so down for you to peg me."

"Now?!"

"Oh yeah."

#xiao #xiao genshin impact #genshin impact #xiao genshin smut #xiao genshin x reader #genshin impact xiao #genshin impact smut #xiao x reader #sub xiao #xiao x female reader #xiao x female y/n

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angelsanarchy · 9 months

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Glass Houses: Jack Thurlow x Y/N Series CH 12 -> CH 13

"I'm kind of terrified of her getting to know the real me." "Hey, the real you might be a pretentious dick but you're not a bad person."

Tagging: @roryculkinluvr @thatsthewrongwallcraig @icarus-star @cc-luvr @madamemaximoff06 @shady-the-simp @quicksilversg1rl @s-0lar @kristennero-wallacewellsver @ophelialaufey @mayathepsychic1999

Jack kept busy moving his laptop and writing journals into his dad's old art studio. He's decided that he needs a separation of where he works and where he sleeps, a recommendation made by Dr. Carty.

He was actually surprised how much more he got written now that he was in a different space of the house. He felt almost like he was channeling some of his father's creativity as he wrote. He had the curtains pulled open and the window crack slightly allowing the breeze into the room. It gave him a since of freedom he hadn't truly felt since being back in the house.

"Bitchface!? Are you up there?" Jack startled hearing Shanda's voice coming up the steps.

"In here ya stupid slut." Jack called out to her, making sure to save and shut his laptop. She came up the stairs an spotted him immediately as he threw his arms open.

"What do you think? Not too bad right?" Jack looked around the room and Shanda nodded.

"It looks great. You look like shit but the house is really coming along." Shanda hugged Jack and could feel how much thinner he was since they last saw one another.

"What are you living on? Slim jims and coffee?" Shanda ran her fingertips under the dark circles of his eyes.

"I'm working on it. I have an appointment with my doc coming up to talk about a medication change. Too many side effects are making it a pain in the ass just getting up in the morning." Jack explained.

"Can you even do that? I mean will that set you back?" Shanda asked curiously.

"Yeah Y/n explained that sometimes you need to find the right cocktail of medication so you don't live a miserable life with a bunch of fucked up side effects." Jack explained

"Well did you want me to stay and keep an eye out while you go through the change?" Shanda asked making Jack laugh.

"I'm mentally ill Shan, not a werewolf. I'll be fine. Y/n checks in almost daily so if I have any issues, she's right down the street." Shanda's eyebrow went up.

"You made a friend?" Shanda smirked.

"Yes I made a friend. Technically she's a neighbor and owns the dog that looks like Rusty but yes we're pretty friendly." Jack couldn't hide his smile and Shanda laughed out loud.

"You're friendly. Friendly like you have a book club or friendly like you 69 in the kitchen?" Shanda was happy to see Jack making progress but she will always worry about him.

"Jesus Christ. Is that the friendship spectrum with lesbians?" Jack teased.

"Hey I just want to make sure I don't eat off the counter where your ass has been." She held her hands up in defense.

"No we aren't fucking. We just...hang out. She mostly brings me food and let's the dog stay when I'm having a bad night. It's been nice.." Jack trailed off and Shanda could tell something was up.

"But?"

"I'm kind of terrified of her getting to know the real me." Jack tucked his hair behind his ears and Shanda shook her head.

"Hey, the real you might be a pretentious dick but you're not a bad person." Shanda defended.

"Jack be serious. Do you really think you're supposed to be stuck in this house all by yourself, writing some manifesto forever alone?" Shanda asked.

"I'm not writing a manifesto." Jack laughed.

"Jack." Shanda's tone was serious.

"I don't know Shan! I just don't want to hurt anyone like I did Cleo. I mean I was going through something but even you've admitted that it was a bastard move. Y/n has a lot going on in her life and I don't want to make it worse." Jack had to admit that the more time he spent talking with Y/n, the more he wondered what she was doing during the day. They texted often and he enjoyed her insight and sense of humor. There was a piece of him that felt like he didn't deserve this feeling. He didn't deserve a second chance to find someone to spend his days with that he truly cared about.

"You did everything you could to try and apologize to Cleo. She may not have reached out or accepted it but she's moved on with her life, Jack. She moved out of your old place, she's got a new boyfriend..." Jack's eyes lit up.

"Really?" Shanda wonders if she said too much.

"Yes and she's happy. You can't keep punishing yourself for what happened in the past. Things could have been so much worse. Your relationship was collateral damage but you shouldn't live the rest of your life miserably because of it. You deserve happiness just like she does." Shanda threw her arm around Jack's neck and he nodded.

"I love you you fluffy haired bitch. Love yourself a little...and let your neighbor suck your dick for a bit." Shanda teased.

"And they say I'm the fucked up one." Jack put his arm around Shanda and she laughed.

"Hey we're all fucked up. I just know how to have fun." Shanda pulled Jack with her out of the room.

"I'm happy you're here. Thanks for always showing up for me." Jack knew this visit was going to be interesting now that she knew he had an infatuation with the neighbor. All he could hope was that it didn't end in disaster.

#Jack Thurlow #Jack Goes Home #One Shot Series #Jack x Y/n #Glass Houses Series #Glass Houses #Rory Culkin #Culkin Cult #12/38

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yanderesimp2000 · 2 months

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alastor x Fem cat demon reader chap 2/tbd "good pet"

just wanna make 1 thing clear this will not be sexual or romantic since alastor is an aroace king more just pure sadism and fearplay your alastors "pet cat" so yeah he breaks you mentally

Tws MIND BREAKING,collars,degradation, Cruel praise

youve been living with alastor for a couple weeks now as his servent and life has been shit he's always petting you even when you tell him to stop today you were laying done on the old couch when he comes home Alastor is fiddling with a pocket radio as he walks through the door "Heeeello, hello, hello!" he notices you "Oh, there you are, are you feeling a bit catatonic today, eh?" he chuckles "Come on, up you get" you grumple and get up

"awww, such a grumpy lady" he chuckles "you must be hungry, eh? I've got some delectable salmon for you" he sets up you food and sits down, petting you " you grumple again "I don't even like salmon" you say annoyed he chuckles slightly "what? you'd rather eat rat, ?" you sigh and say "no" he smiles even more and says "then you must eat your fish" you eat your fish the taste is okay not your favorite but tolerable he watches, grinning "good kitty" you get a little angry "Im not your kitty"" he chuckles oh, but yes you are" he starts petting you very affectionately "remember I own you" when he said that your ears droop and you look scared he doesn't notice, but continues petting"you're such a pretty kitty" he chuckles you know, I was thinking I should get a collar for you" he giggle again "I'll put it on you, would you like that? eh? good kitty?" he pauses and realizes you look scared at the mention of a collar "What's the matter? Don't you like collars?" he starts rubbing your head affectionately "don't worry, I'll be the only one with a key to it" you grumble a little "stop treating me like a pet" you say meekly still scared of him "But you are my pet, remember?" he grins "I own you, after all" suddenly a green chain appears around your neck not the one that he used before but the same material "There we go. Nice and secure" he pulls the chain gently and it becomes tighter "what do you think? do you like it?" he continues rubbing your head you whimper gently he grins "oh, poor baby cat" "is it a bit tight?" he pulls again, making it a bit tighter you start whimpering even louder "p-p-please stop" alastors grin gets even wider in pure sadism "oh come on, don't be like that" he keeps pulling the collar "just a little more, just a little tighter, just a little more" your now desperate for him to stop "PLEASE STOP ILL BE GOOD" you loudly beg "oh, is it hurting you, my poor kitty?" he grins "just relax, you're ok" he continues pulling a little bit looser, before pulling a lot tighter he rubs your head, grinning down at you "don't worry, you'll get used to it soon" You start crying for mercy he stops pulling and starts stroking your head "Aww, don't cry dear" he strokes and rubs you "You'll get used to the collar soon enough, I'm sure" he chuckles "I knew that would work, good kitty" the pain and squeezing gets worse and worse all of your breaths are strained and your getting just enough air to be conscious but not enough to be comfortable "don't worry, I won't pull it anymore, if you behave. but I'll still leave it on, eh?" alastor says that same horrifying grin on his face you were delighted and gasped for air before saying "t-thank you sir" he chuckles "you really are so precious when you beg" he continues petting you, now stroking your cheek and under your chin "such a good kitty" he grins widely and pulls slightly on the chain, pulling you closer to him and strokes your jaw he looks deep into your eyes "such pretty eyes you have" you resonond with a simple "thank you" the chuckles "you're welcome, pretty kitty" he strokes down your cheek, now looking at your neck "oh yes, I forgot I have to put a tag on that" he smiles "don't be freighted my dear" he grabs a tag "stand still for a second" he puts it on your collar and then pulls the chain a bit tighter as he clips it in place, stroking your face as the collar is tight against your neck "there we go, there's a beautiful kitty" you slowy are starting to accept your fate so you don't whimper or hiss or resist when he puts it on he pats your head softly "such a good sweet kitty aren't you such a dear" he stops patting your head and strokes your hair down your face and then leans back to look at the tag on your collar "Hm. What should I put as your name?" "I know!" He grins playfully you respond "my name is Y/N" alastor giggle s

"Y/n? What an odd name not very feline " he grins playfully "How about I name you something cute?" he grins, a mischievous glint in his eyes "Like perhaps a cute, simple, name, like Mittens or something?" you whimper in defeat and say "ok" alastor grins even wider "good. I think I'll call you Mittens, or perhaps, Kitty-cat, hmm?" you winced again "o-o-o-ok sir" he sighed "Good kitty now wait here I have some business to attend"

END OF CHAPTER 2

#hazbin hotel #yandere #hazbin hotel x you #writing #yandere male #yandere boy #male yandere #yandere x reader #yandere alastor x reader #alastor x you #alastor x reader

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anonzentimes · 2 months

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last asker here wahoo weehee but yeah i dont mind the ramble !!! honestly i do feel a little similar sometimes ourgh . maybe not with being in specific fandoms but especially when it comes to like . the smaller things like self inserts . the like

but anyway !!!!!! now im curious and im not too sure if you've answered anything of the sort before but i do wonder what you thought of the difference in characterization with Nagito in the games and in the anime?

not that nagito in the games r even one for one the same- same goes for the anime-

but i do know there's a difference , and i've heard so many differing opinions on how Nagito's potrayed in both, especially discussion on how faithful Nagito in danganronpa 3's character is to danganronpa 2, so i'll admit now im very interested on hearing your thoughts on him when looking at game nagito and anime nagito side by side eyes emoji

YAYY!!!!! I love getting asked to talk about him it's so fun!!! No one has actually asked this before, and I've been planning to do something on this for a bit!

Personally I think anime Nagito is actually really good! Although I think side lining him for a little bit was a weird decision, even if I understand why. But enough of that! Let's talk more about his characterization! I'll talk about what I think about Nagito's characterization in the anime and some annoyances I have with the misinterpretations!

I will admit that some of the fandom's opinions on, "Anime Nagito vs Game Nagito," kind of bother be because a lot of it stems from people not understanding his character in it's entirety in the first place.

The thing about Nagito is that he works as an amazing antagonist because he isn't ill intentioned and is just mentally screwed up. In the killing game his coping mechanisms and absolute beliefs are on display and he is at his worst, he's practically having multiple mental breakdowns and losing it. And his beliefs and coping mechanisms happen to be morally gray because he believes Anything is okay if it's for hope. With his luck cycle, coping mechanisms, and absolute beliefs that stem from both of these things we get Nagito. And when you place Nagito who thinks being trapped on the island forever without the ultimates impacting the world in any way is worse than one person surviving and making an impact on the world, he feels like he has to do something.

Basically, how Nagito acts in the anime and before the first trial is who he is when he's not mentally crumbling and I get really irritated when people try to say that in the game he was a "malicious psychopath" but in the anime he turned into "baby boy" like, just, GRRRAGHHH!!!!! IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE HE NEEDS TO BE GATEKEPT WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT!!! THEY'RE MISUNDERSTANDING HIM SO BAD IT HURTS ☹️☹️☹️

I believe the anime's characterization is pretty great and still keeps in tact his absolute beliefs that lead him to do morally gray things for the sake of hope! I think he's very well done characterization wise in the anime. I liked the episode where he ends up blowing up the gym because he wants to postpone the test for his classmates it made a lot sense with how he thinks and his luck cycle! I also really love his encounter with Junko and Izuru. He says several good lines in the anime that are accurate and completely in character for him, and I love it!

I think the addition that the class thought he was weird even before he was at his worst and didn't show much reciprocation is sad and adds to his tragic life. The fact that he isn't surprised when Chisa slaps him, but rather when he is shown affection gets me dude!!!

I think it is sweet though that, his time at hope's peak is probably one of the best experiences he had until everything went wrong. He isn't shown much reciprocation but he genuinely cares for his classmates beyond them being ultimates from hanging out and knowing them so long. He has some reciprocation from Chisa and the other classmates somewhat care about him to varying degrees. I believe his overall luck cycle went, get accepted into hope's peak, good luck, gets diagnosed, bad luck, gains people he cares about in his life and some who care about him too, good luck, all of them become despairs, bad luck!

The other thing I wanted to touch upon is Bryce Pappenbrook listening to criticism about how Nagito sounds more sarcastic than intended. For a lot of the english fanbase the misinterpretation that Nagito's not honest is beyond repair especially since he's hard to understand, but I really do appreciate the effort to change it slightly. Even if people who misunderstood think there's a huge difference or even retcon with his character, I think it's a nice change that he sounds more genuine like his Japanese voice in the anime.

I think the real difference with him in the Anime versus Ultra Despair Girls and Danganronpa 2 is his role in the story. I think he's very in character, we just don't see him having meltdowns and go through his self unaware freak outs. We still see him do morally gray things and impact the plot though! In the anime he's doing better compared to the spiraling we see in Danganronpa 2 and rock bottom even more extreme beliefs we see in Udg.

Also I think the anime solidifying the fact that Nagito usually doesn't go out of his way for the ultimate's attention because he thinks he's unworthy of their time actually makes Danganronpa 2 more impactful. Because, if he doesn't try to seek the ultimates attention, then that's further solidifying the fact Nagito was interested in Hajime, he felt a connection with him even when they first met. We see him do the opposite of what he usually would just because of Hajime, and I think that's really sweet.

Nagito barely mentioning hope in Danganronpa 2's prologue is for the plot twist mostly, however, there could be multiple actual reasons for it. My interpretation is that it's because he wanted to make a good impression so he focuses on that instead, that combined with it not really coming up leads to them not really knowing what he thinks. There are hints of it and he's not purposely "hiding it" at all. Nagito is an honest person who only lies when he feels it's necessary, to further prove that point when he gets the despair disease, personality inverting disease, he gets the Lying disease.

Nagito in the prologue and in the anime are the same because he's not losing it yet, the only difference is Nagito talks slightly less about hope and his beliefs because It's not very relevant, he's trying to make a good impression, and he's focusing on keeping Hajime's attention. My favorite little thing supporting this is that he doesn't complain about going swimming. In the Dangan Island events we see him worry about it, but when he's focusing on everything else he didn't really think about it. He asks what Hajime is planning to do instead.

In conclusion, I believe Nagito in the anime is pretty good. He serves his role well for it not being his usual one, info about what he was like adds a little more to Danganronpa 2 analyzing it, and it's nice that we get to see more of him when he's not at his worst. He's still absolutely the same person and I think his characterization is really good. I think they could have utilized him more or made him relevant to the plot sooner if they wanted, but I think the impact and scenes that he has still are great and work well since he, again, doesn't have his usual role in the anime.

One last thing while I'm here talking about the anime's Nagito, a lot of people like to make the joke that he's "hopesexual" because of the one fan service line of dialogue in Danganronpa 3 where he basically says, "Hope feels amazing," and I just. URAGGHHH!!!!!!!! I'm sorry but if someone unironically says "hopesexual" I hope that their pillow always remains warm on both sides because saying it Is ANNOYINGG!!! It's so easy to get I don't know why people do this, and I know I'm being a little over the top but it just bugs me sooo bad Like,

Hope = Absolute Good/Euphoric Feeling for him, Horny = Euphoric Feeling for him, CONCLUSION: GENERAL EUPHORIA DESCRIPTOR!! He doesn't have a hope kink and the people who make those jokes are weird especially since it's straight up wrong!! I know it's just a joke, but it still gets on my nerves regardless because some people take it seriously. Even one of his songs uses this comparison by allegorizing hope with sexual desires, conveying that both are euphoric emotions for him! >:(

Anyways!

Thank you for your ask and Hopefully I successfully got all of the points I wanted to across! <3

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save-me-phantom-ghoul · 2 months

Text

Had a break down and spiralled into some old insecurities, so why not comfort yourself through projecting onto your favorite lil guy :3

Content Warnings! : lots of talk of self deprecation, mentions and depictions of self harm, break downs

If I missed anything please let me know and I'll add it to the warnings for future viewers

Right anyways here's 1k words of phantom ghoul being mentally ill

Ah, Thats.. Not right

It wasn't supposed to have him do this, it was supposed to be quick and easy, just fill out the quiz and hit submit. This page shouldnt have popped up.

What happened? what did he do wrong? He filled everything out right, got almost all the answer right. He did it right, why was it wrong.

His face started to ache with the furrow in his brows and frown at his lips, his eyes darting back and forth trying to piece together what could've gone wrong, where did he mess it up. It was at the start wasn't it. He thought the prompt sounded wrong, but nothing else was popping up when he refilled the information.

An ugly feeling started pooling in his stomach, his throat felt raw. Quickly exiting out of the page, and opening it back up, he tried clicking on the test again.

Nope. He's officially, royally, fucked up. Unable to do anything or figure something out he starts to panic.

Why is this happening, he did it right. He was supposed to do it right. It was supposed to be easy. Everyone else did it just fine. Why didnt he. Why couldnt he do it right, he can't do anything right, always fucking up, always doing it wrong, always messing up someone else's day with having them help him, always angering people because he couldn't do a simple task.

It wasn't your fault.

He can't do anything right. why does he even try.

Trying is all someone can do.

He knew it would've messed it up and it did.

You did what you thought was right.

It wasn't right!

Shut up! it wasn't right and it's your fault!

Take some fucking responsiblity for once!

You couldn't figure out something so simple, it's easy, why couldn't you do it!?

...

He's tired of this.

Of here.

He grabs his phone from where it got tossed on his bed, opening Aurora and his' messages

Mr.Bug: rory I messed it up:(

Mrs.Bug: the test?

Mr.Bug: yeah, I don't know what happened

Mr.Bug: I struggled to sign in and then had to sit through the most mind numbing 30minutes of ai voice speach ever and when I finished the test it wanted me to pay like, 100 dollars :((

Mrs.Bug: pits Ant how did you do that 😭

Mr.Bug: Idk! D:

Mrs.Bug: I'm so sorry, phantom, we'll figure it out tomorrow with the group and stuff

Mr.Bug: okay 😞

The sound of his head hitting the wall behind him nearly echoes in the silence of his room. He feels his throat tighten, and his body tense. He doesn't want to cry, he hates crying. It makes his head hurt and his face swell.

He bites his lip in a useless attempt to stave off the break down crawling up his throat. And with the first few tears the carefully curated dam breaks, his hand coming up to rake through his black and white rats nest of a mane, the greasy feeling of unwashed hair making him feel worse. his body shaking, aching in the strain of being quiet.

The walls of the ghouls rooms were pretty well soundproofed, any inside noise thoroughly muffled to near perfect muteness. But he didn't want to risk the off chance that the others grew super hearing. Or his room specifically, just wasn't soundproofed. Knowing his luck one or the other would end up being right. So he kept quite, muffling his strained sobbing behind his hands and a blanket.

His mind goes on a whirlwind of self deprecating thoughts. This has happened to many times, he's been here for to short of a time for that many faults to stack so high. It towers over him, over Swiss, or Aether, even over Mountain, in his mind.

His mind quiets, his body relaxes and hands slide down his face. Deep breaths, blink back the tears, grab your phone and at least warn Aether of your fuck up.

He does so, shakely reopening his phone, this time to Aether and his' messages. The devices clock glaring an ugly 12:34am at him.

Mr.Bug: me when I break down over a silly little test because I managed to fuck it up and you'll have to help me fix it somehow tomorrow :,3

AetherEther: tbh, not that surprised 😅

AetherEther: I'll help you tomorrow

Mr.Bug: I'm so so sorry :(

AetherEther: it's alright

He was hoping for some positive, understanding words. Hoping the way he said it would ease the disappointment. Well, he got the understanding part.

It hated how his eyes swelled with tears as he read the responding messages. Throwing the headphones he had around his neck to the end of the bed and yanking at his smooth horns. Fucking Pits! Not surprised. Not. fucking. surprised.

Oh he knew the older quint didn't mean it like that, he really did, but his mind read the words and all of his insecurities roared. He clenched his teeth and pulled his horns harder.

The ache was a nice distraction from the horrible feeling of crying, but it wasn't enough. He needed more, he needed something sharper, stronger, longer lasting. He wanted-... No

No you can't do that, you promised her you wouldn't, you're better than that. It's been so long, you've done so well you can't ruin that over a stupid test.

Something else then, his nails, his fingers. His hands fall from his achey head to his bare shoulder, digging right above his shoulder blade and scraping up. His nails were to dull in this half glamoured form to break his skin, but the pressure on the muscle paired with the gritting of his teeth was close enough.

He hoped it'd bruise

He wants it to bruise

Do it on your forearm so they see

He digs his fingers into the back of his shoulder, next to where they had ended their journey up.

His nails dug in a bit more than the pads of his fingers this time, a sharper, more welcomed pain

Yes that was a bit better, he wanted more of that, needed more of that kind of pain

A rather harsh sob broke past his clenched teeth, and he curled in on himself. He digs his thumb nail, longer than the other due to a nail picking habit, into the underside of his upper arm. The sting of it was sharper and longer lasting than the previous tries.

As he dug the nail in, anger filled his body. He couldnt do anything right and they all expected that of him. It was expected. Lords below he really was useless. He was tired of this, he wanted to go home.

Wherever that was.

He doubted it was here. He didn't know where else home would be, the pits definitely weren't, here wasn't.. So where did he belong.

Did he belong?

What use was he to the world if he couldn't even do something so simple?

Please, he wanted a home.

Lords please, he needed to belong somewhere.

Let me be needed.

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poursomesunaonme · 10 months

Note

can u pretty please do gojo + gold star my eye is twitching ..$1&

can it be sfw i am feeling incredibly soft for him in this moment (im falling apart)

fully writing a fic out of this making a mental note thanks im so ILL

cw: satoru's a cocky bastard, time being a few years after graduating, friends to lovers(? you decide), satoru is injured but it's not described

"i'll wait up for you / i'll wake up for you / talk to strangers in the elevator / so you think i’m friendly like you / make my bed for you / when you finally come through / can you give me a gold star / and see me through?"

the door opens and footsteps stumble over the entryway. you straighten at the sound, padding over to the doorway of your bedroom to see satoru leaning against the front door he just slammed shut, panting heavily.

“you can always come to me.”

“thanks for the offer, but i won’t need it.”

his words echo in your head as he slings an arm over your shoulder, grunting at the slight exertion. no words pass between you as you struggle to the couch to lay his body down, lifting his long heavy legs onto the arm and prying off his shoes.

“fuck,” he breathes, throwing an arm over his eyes. you don’t say anything. you don’t want to make this worse for him that it already seems. he said he didn’t need your help, yet here he is.

you leave him for just a moment to get a cold rag and a glass of water for him. your jaw clenches at the way his body trembles just slightly. he was still perfecting his technique—it didn’t help that he alone carried the weight of the most difficult missions.

you wordlessly pry his arm off his face and lay the rag down on his forehead, smoothing back his hair gently. he takes the water, and sitting up with some difficulty, gulps it all down.

“thought you’d never see me like this, yeah?” there’s a bit of loathing in his voice, completely directed at himself.

you shrug, kneeling next to the couch. “dunno, but if it happened, i wanted to be here for you.”

he lets out a long breath and you know his eyebrows are furrowing underneath the cold rag.

“whaddya want, a gold star or somethin’?” he flashes a cocky smile. you return it with a sad one.

“i want you to come to bed with me.”

“just can’t help yourself, can you?” as much as he wants to continue to arrogance as much as possible, but the way his jaw sets and his breath comes out in hisses signals that he can’t keep it up for much longer.

“cut the shit, satoru.” you stand up, offering your hand to him. he hesitates, eyeing you like he’s seeing you for the first time, then takes it.

you help him to your bed, helping him settle in before to climb under the covers next to him.

“i’m sorry,” he says after a few minutes of silence.

“i know.”

“it’s just…”

“i know.”

you turn over on your side to face him, watching as his eyes squeeze shut to hold back the tears that so desperately need to fall. your fingers intertwine with his, your thumb stroking his knuckle.

the strongest man in the jujutsu world wins the battle to fight back the tears of exhaustion and frustration, letting out a deep breath instead of letting the salty water leak from his eyes.

“i’ll wait up for you,” you whisper, watching as your breath stirs the tufts of snowy hair around his ears.

“you don’t have to do that” comes his reply, and suddenly the tears are back with a vengeance. they effectively beat the shit out of him and suddenly he’s turned into your chest, hiding his face as he stains your shirt. he’s supposed to be the strongest. he’s supposed to be the one waiting.

“i know,” you sigh against his hair, the white strands tickling your chin as your breath distills them. “but i will.”

submissions for the promised event are now closed but you can still click here to go to the nav page

#gojo x reader #gojo x you #satoru x reader #satoru x you #promised event #🍀beanie's events #🪐beanie writes!

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ferromagnetiic · 4 months

Text

low activity / small semi-hiatus

// somewhat negative, bad physical/mental health talk under the read more.

yeah, i'm not doing okay at the moment at all. ( • ᴖ • ｡ )

hey guys, just wanted to pop in and post a quick ooc note to address the radio silence. winter is always a bad time for me in terms of both physical and mental health, and it's hitting me extra hard this year. i started going down with a lot of viruses in december, and i haven't really had any break between one illness before getting hit in the face with a new one— the latest being this horrible stomach bug i caught in the middle of january that’s taking forever to go.

needless to say, being this sick without a break is having a really averse effect on my mental state and depression has hit me like a truck and made everything worse, unfortunately.

i have SO many nice things to reply to and i feel bad that i'm taking such a long time to do anything; especially when i still have a whole bunch of incredibly sweet messages for kid's birthday sitting in my inbox. 💔 not to mention all the OTHER character birthdays that i DEFINITELY want to be writing things for in return as well!! (dw i haven’t forgotten anyone kiss kiss, kid’s gonna bother all your birthday babies whether they like it or not.)

i saw all the things people have tagged me in while i've been away and it cheered me up a lot. everyone is so lovely, and i’m so lucky to have such incredible friends.

thank you for being patient with me. i'm not making this into a formal hiatus or anything, i'll still be around liking stuff and sending stuff in when i can, i just thought i should post an update.

sorry for the ramble. love you all, miss you a lot!

#ooc #【 ⚙ ˊˎ | UNFORTUNATE HOSTAGE | ooc. 】#// i need to get better in time for valentines day ;;;#// kid drank so much over his birthday that he ruined his liver and he's in recovery now so that's why he's away. /j #// uses his massive body as a seat.

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twoidiotwriters1 · 21 days

Text

The Curse of Oenone (Leo Valdez xFem!Oc)

A/N: I feel much better now! Women prevail -Danny Words: 1,905 Series' Masterlist Previous Chapter // Next Chapter Listen to: 'House Song' -by Searows

LIV: Wasting Away to Be Useful All the Time Ain't Paying Off, Methinks

The dream changes, now Nico and Ara are on the fire escape of her parent's apartment.

"I'll go back to a witch trial," the girl leans her head on both arms and groans. "Iris messages aren't working! How am I supposed to tell them to hold on until August first?!"

"I already told Clovis I'm on my way."

"Like that's gonna fix it..." Ara stands upright, staring at the urban scenery with a troubled expression. "I never noticed how pretty this place was at sunrise..."

Nico doesn't seem as enchanted. "How is your crew holding up?"

"Jason got hurt but he's coming around," Ara lies, not wanting to worry Nico. "We caught Nike and she's helping us figure out a way to, you know, safely euthanize Leo. How's yours?"

"Steady and in great condition," Nico replies, and he's probably lying too, for the exact same reason. "How are you?"

The girl stares at her fingers, squeezing the railing and drinking in these seconds at home. "I'm trying not to think much, obviously, because... how do I even process all of it?"

"That you're soulmate's fated to die?" Nico snorts with a tone of sarcasm. "But it's so easy..."

"Not a soulmate," she mutters grumpily.

"I think it's sort of impossible," Nico pauses and glares at her. "Don't take that as a challenge."

She smiles a bit. "I don't know what to do. Do I hype myself up to get over Leo, or tell him we'll be together forever? What did Helen do that I shouldn't?" Ara squints and rubs her brow. "It's so unclear if she loved Paris or not..."

Nico shrugs, fidgeting with his ring. "Even if you figure it out, it won't make things easier. The two armies under your command are about to kill each other and you have a bunch of mentally ill gods giving out crazy orders, then there's the curse. How do you choose which one to tackle first? You just deal with them as they come."

"It's not working," Ara scowls. "Had it coming, though. All of this feels right."

Nico raises a brow. "What do you mean?"

Ara thinks of her next words carefully. "I just accepted that this is the weight I'll carry forever. At least I've gotten stronger."

Nico frowns. "You've also aged, though."

"I was going to, anyway. The only thing that I've been unable to outgrow is feelings. Leo chose his path and I must be okay with it... I love him, so I either go along or get in his way and make it worse—and since I can't offer a better alternative..." Ara sighs heavily, giving in. "I suppose I'll follow Eros's advice."

Nico's expression sombers. "So Leo will die?"

"The difference is that maybe this time it might not be permanent, and he might save another soul if he succeeds," Ara faces her friend. "Nike told us about the Physician's Cure—"

"Oh, my dad hates that," Nico pipes in.

"You know what that is?"

"The cure for death? Yeah," the boy scratches his nose casually. "One of Apollo's sons created it, but my dad forbade him from doing it again... so good luck getting it."

"Thanks," Ara says sarcastically. "You always make me feel so much better about the bad stuff in my life."

"We're talking about the last resource of last resources," he raises a brow. "You might as well go to my father and ask for Leo back."

"If I only wanted him to come back, I would drag him out of the Underworld Orpheus-style minus the looking," she rolls her eyes. "But big dumb-dumb made an oath to go back to Ogygia and get Calypso—so not only does he need to die, he has to be blasted out so he can go back to her island or he'll die regardless of the antidote he gets from the gods."

Nico frowns. "Your boyfriend is the stupidest man alive."

"He's a genius that likes to overcomplicate things, but yeah, love made him stupid," Ara mumbles, looking more sad than angry. "And I'm just like him."

"Minus the genius part."

"Whatever, man."

Nico gives her a look when she doesn't react to his teasing, and he makes an attempt to cheer her up. "Listen, sometimes the fates do things that feel unjust, but in the long run, they're for the better. Leo's choice was hard to make no doubt, he would rather cut his leg than leave you, and still, he's willing to risk his life not just for you but also for Calypso and the rest of the world... that's brave."

"I don't want him to come back to me if it means it's always going to hurt him," Ara confesses worryingly. "I'd be happier looking at him from afar."

"No, you wouldn't," Nico replies in a strange voice. "You really wouldn't."

"I mean it." Her voice trembles. "I haven't been the best version of myself since I decided to become a child of Olympus... Leo is good in a way I can no longer be, and that's why he's dying. Because he's kind and selfless, and I won't give him up because I'm stubborn and selfish, so they're taking him away by force."

She looks away for a moment. Nico squeezes her shoulder tighter than he's ever touched her in the last three years. "Ara, listen... all the bad stuff I've said to you, they aren't true. You can't be perfect, that's it."

"Exactly. I should've stayed away," she presses. "Life kept telling me that romance was off-limits, that I wouldn't be able to handle it, and yet I took Leo as soon as I had the chance, and he says he doesn't mind dying but—"

"You've experienced this too many times, just in this lifetime," Nico finishes knowingly. "His reassurance feels empty, I get it."

"He could've been loved and cared for on Calypso's island, and he didn't stay because of me," she says bitterly. "I should've been the one to jump into Tartarus. But now I've got people under my care, so I can't let myself die now..."

"I don't think this is about wrong choices or bad timing," her friend retorts. "I doubt you were more deserving of the curse in your past lives than you are now—hell, I even doubt Helen was deserving of the shit show everyone made around her."

Ara rubs her forehead and groans. "I know, I know... maybe this isn't my mess to clean... but I'm right in the middle of it, so not doing anything stresses me out all the same."

"Yeah well, you've never been good at staying out of things, we know that."

"None of us is."

"That's why we get curses all the time," he shrugs. "See? Things tend to happen when it comes to demigods."

Ara shakes her head. "Sometimes I think my stupid father should've suffocated me with a pillow when he had the chance."

Nico laughs. "Same."

"I feel like I should've gone with them."

"It's FOMO," Annabeth replies, lying on Ara's bed with a cherry facemask on.

"They're searching for that poison to help Leo—"

Nike's hollering cuts through her speech. "AN A- IS A FAILING GRADE—"

"These are literally Frank's relatives," Percy reasons, his back against the wall and a peel-off mask covering his face. "You would've made them nervous. Most people think that children of Olympus attract bad luck."

"And they're right," Ara's hanging upside down with her legs propped up next to Percy, a green tea facemask on her face.

It's spa day. Once Ara realized she could buy all kinds of beauty products in New York—as long as she had the budget—she became obsessed. The first time Percy agreed to join her many years ago, he claimed to be humoring his little sister, but he loves to lie around and eat snacks while Ara puts fresh-scented stuff on his face.

Ara agreed to have a spa day today solely because her brother and Annabeth had recently come out of Tartarus, so if there was someone who deserved to use her stash of fancy facemasks, it was them. She also knows they're doing this to help her clear her mind after her dream last night, and she'd missed being pampered by her older siblings anyway.

"There is a sea serpent watching us," Percy says out of nowhere, vaguely pointing ahead. "Been there for the past ten minutes."

Ara lifts herself on her elbows. "And why aren't we doing anything about it?"

Percy shrugs. "It's trying to figure out if we're food, Festus confuses it."

"Nice," Ara lies back down. "Good headmast."

"So Leo is trying to rebuild your dragon inside the ship? How does that even work?" Annabeth asks, rummaging in a bag of chips.

A flash goes out and then Leo's voice responds. "It doesn't—yet. You guys having a fun time?"

The three teenagers look back at the door completely unbothered. "Did you get my good side?" Percy asks.

"You know, water boy, blackfacing isn't cool anymore—it never was."

"Call me water boy again and I'm freeing Nike inside your cabin," the older boy threatens. "And this is a peel-off mask, it saves me so much money on acne products I don't even care if it looks stupid."

"You want one?" Ara lifts a thin package.

"No, I came to tell y'all Piper and Frank are back," Leo's too amused by the sight that he can't move past it. "I'm sorry, what exactly is happening in here?"

"Spa day," Annabeth explains. "Never had one of those?"

Leo snorts. "Hephaestus isn't the cleanest guy around..."

"She means with Ara," Percy shows him a shit-eating grin, though it looks creepy with the peel-off still on his face. "Haven't been invited to one yet?"

Leo's smile disappears. "I didn't know it was a thing."

"I didn't think it'd be up your alley," Ara pulls her legs down and sits upright. "The only Cabin Nine campers that ever humored me were Beckendorf and Nyssa, but I had to bribe them first."

"I wanna have a spa day," Leo pouts, looking at the Polaroid he just took. "I feel discriminated."

Ara gets up and moves to her vanity, pulling off her mask. "You're invited to the next one."

"Piper and Frank are back then—that means they got the poison?" Annabeth fans her face while Percy takes off his mask.

"Yup, so we should hold a meeting," Leo approaches Ara and kisses her hair, leaving the Polaroid on her nightstand. "You don't need skincare, there's a reason why I call you Doll."

Ara chuckles. "My skincare is the reason you think I don't need it."

"Holy 'Dite, I can't do this!" Percy moans, falling back on the bed with the mask still on. "Birdy, help me..."

The girl laughs and glances at Leo before going to her brother. "We'll meet you on deck in five, alright?"

Leo looks at the trio with an uncomfortable feeling in his chest, but he manages to show a smile when he nods, although he stays consciously away from Ara so she can't feel his emotions. "Good luck putting your face back on, Nemo!"

"You're not allowed to call me that!"

Leo exits the cabin grinning, but as he walks out, his expression turns into a frown. He can't put a finger on what is bothering him, but it feels as if he were watching Ara's life slowly slip back into its old place, erasing him from the plot.

He has this dark thought that maybe those six months with him at camp were only an intermission, and now Leo is waiting for the fates to pluck him out and toss him away as they did with Michael Yew. "Well, that was a fun season! Send the next cute boy in!"

Each day he inches closer to his certain death, and Ara's future does nothing but shine brighter.

Next Chapter –>

Taglist.

@siriuslysirius1107 @ask-giggles1303 @im-planning-something-look @bandshirts-andbooks @coolninjapaper @thewaterlily @whenisthefall @1randomcomic @you-bloody-shank @sunflowergraves @owlalex44 @taylordaughter @typicalsolangelolover @writingmia @espressopatronum454 @slytherinnqueen @orbitingpolaris @obxstiles @ellipsisspelled @thepixiechicksh @ebony-reine-vibes

#twoidiots writing #pjo fanfic #leo valdez fanfic #doo #leo valdez x oc

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definitelynotshouting · 6 months

Note

Parking Lot - Atlas Ivy (a lot of Atlas’s music seems to fit hunger AU to me)

(this song is probably best fitting for after Grian’s 2nd attempt and after he has already began trying to recover)

“The drink in my hand starts to shake” - Reminds me of Grian trying and failing to open the bottle of water.

“As the hope in my mind starts to break

Are the gods not happy with the progress I've made?

Hasn't illness taken all it can take?” - Healing isn't linear, Grian is going to be fighting an uphill battle, maybe for the rest of his life.

“Taking all my plans and throwing in a wrench

Is it my mental health or the Marianas Trench?” - He’s going to have relapses and setbacks and those are going to make it feel like nothing he does makes a real difference. He’s going to be tired of fighting but he’s going to have to keep trying because, even if he can’t see it sometimes, progress is being made.

“How can I win if my team only plays defense

And all the best players are stuck on the bench” - Makes me think of Grian, not just feeling like he’s always on the back foot, just trying to repair the damage caused by every unexpected worsening of his mental or physical health, but feeling like he’s relying too much on the other Hermits. That he’s dragging the others down with him and that it makes him weak to need their help.

“Do a face mask or a warm bath or do a shot

Or just lay in bed until your body rots” - Coping mechanisms and how easy it is to fall into harmful ones. Grian has already shown a propensity for dissociation and I’ve personally been headcannoning this has been a problem for a while. That, when the weakness and pain from his malnourishment on Hermitcraft became too much, he tended to just sit or lay in a dark room dissociating until it subsided.

“Get my vitamin D but the pavements hot

And the soles of my shoes melt on the parking lot” - Feeling like everything he tries doesn’t really do anything but maybe cause more harm. That it doesn’t do anything to fix the real problem and that failure just makes him feel worse.

“Melatonin's now takеn at eight

Cause I can't stand my thoughts when I'm awakе” - Back to that dissociation, specifically reminds me of the time Grian has spent dissociating through the nights of the current chapters.

“There is no cause, still my body aches

And the home I built meets an earthquake” - Feeling like any progress and sense of security of safety he has built can be destroyed any second by his mental health taking a dive without any clear cause.

“Can somebody show me

A coping strategy

That takes me from reality

But doesn't kill my body” - More dissociation and bad coping mechanisms. That desire to just fall away from everything, let the hurt be drowned out by a blanket of static, even though he knows it doesn’t really help.

“Cause I've stunted my growth

I've filled my lungs with smoke” - All the damage that has already been done to his physical health. We’ve seen with Grian true form that Grian has literally stunted his growth by starving himself.

“And yeah it puts on a good show

But I've lost my glow” - Grian not having the energy to do things like play pranks or have fun with the others. The way some of the Hermits react to finding out how much of the Grian they knew was an attempt to hide how he was constantly breaking down now that he doesn’t have the energy to pretend to be fine.

OHHHH I LOVE THIS,,,, ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS ANALYSIS I LOVE THE THOUGHT YOUVE PUT BEHIND EACH LINE OF THE LYRICS..... i havent had the time to listen to the song just yet but MAN this is so cool thank you for sharing it with me :DDD i'll be sure to give the song a listen :D

#shouting speaks #asks #hunger au #song recs #long post #txt

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vamqiredove · 2 months

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OKOK @indigoartistqueen i'll ramble and elaborate err i'm keepin it here cause this rlly isn't smthing i want on slaingelo especially bc i get a bit mad in this oops

CAMERAS LIKE THAT ARE USELESS. ALSO THEY MAKE SHIT WORSE IF YOU ARE PARANOID. having them inside your house is unnecessary unless you're convinced someone's living in your house without you knowing. otherwise it does nothing but take up electricity or batteries and money ect ect whatever. If you unnecessarily install cameras you're going to be checking them constantly. and also within the context of just "waah my big strong man is out for a week i'm so scareed i'm going to put cameras inside my house" WHAT IS THAT GOING TO DOOOOOOOOOOO SOMEONE HAS TO /ALREADY BE BROKEN IN TO YOUR HOUSE/ FOR THAT TO BE "USEFUL" AT ALL AND BY THAT POINT IT'S NOT SECURITY WHATTTTTT

like other people said in that post, security like that makes it impossible to get out of your house fast/give first responders a hard time getting in. I have a bar in my window. it's removable from the inside very easily and all it serves to do is keep the window from opening more than a few inches. this mf would install damn prison bars if her husband had to go away for a month.

IF YOU'RE THAT PARANOID ABOUT LOCKS GET A FUCKING DEADBOLT AND/OR CHAINLOCK OH MY GOD. first responders are more likely to know how to get around those than "mobile locks" what the fuck is a mobile lock. OH WAIT !! SHE ALREADY HAS A DEADBOLT AND SHE'S DOUBLING UP WITH THE MOBILE LOCK. HUH ???????????????????????????????????

YOU WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW YOU ARE HOME.... when I'm home alone I actively try to make it look like someone's always awake. do I go over the top locking every door and window in the house and leave the curtains facing the backyard closed and did I once move furniture to block my bedroom door in order to sleep ? yeah sure but I'M MENTALLY ILL. WHAT I'M SCARED OF ISN'T EVEN PEOPLE BREAKING INTO MY HOUSE FFS IT'S MONSTERS THAT AREN'T REAL BUT MY DELUSIONAL BRAIN CONVINCES ME IT IS REAL TO THE POINT OF INSOMNIA IN PARTICULARLY BAD EPISODES. I AM NOT THE AVERAGE WHITE AMERICAN WOMAN FOR I AM NOT EVEN ANY OF THOSE THINGS

literally the only way I can see someone going this far for security in a way that ISN'T just "this is an ad" and/or "i am trying to brew fascism" is if someone fell into the delusion of being gangstalked, and in which case, they probably aren't posting their entire security system online because they'd be convinced their stalkers are watching their every move online and offline lol... it sure as hell wouldn't be framed like this either. also if it was the case she'd still be scared while her husband was home. it wouldn't magically appear when he's done, it would be constant.

doing shit like this isn't normal nor healthy, it's either a sign of going severe into the alt right pipeline and/or severe mental health issues that are going unchecked bc those are absolutely not mutually exclusive.

even the "keeping a flashlight nearby" thing is stupid in the sense that I DO THAT. BECAUSE WE FREQUENTLY GET POWER OUTAGES HERE ???????????????? what's it going to do if there is an intruder are you going to shine it in their fuckin face. what, can't see them thru your aesthetic lighting ?? what's the fuckin whistle going to do ... you've isolated yourself your home alone it's a WHISTLE. at the veyr least get a fucking weapon, HUH ?????????????

honestly I don't even know how coherent any of this is, it pisses me off a lot. I've done a lot of shit to try and feel "safe" and frankly it feels insulting especially given my minor agoraphobia too [ can't leave the house alone, i always need a friend or family w/ me ] especially the weird way this shit is made aesthetic. AGAIN. LIKE THE FUCKIN PURPLE LIGHTING IN THE VIDEO. AND ALSO THE SLEEK TECH.

the aesthetic-ification of that video is probably what REALLY gets me mad about it though.. like it really just makes it feel like an ad playing both on white peoples fears and mentally ill people.

blah blah my experiences aren't universal and my delusional paranoia isn't "that bad" compared to other ppls. whatever. i don't like it either way

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sysmedsaresexist · 1 year

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HAHA, yeah, we love being better than people that struggle with their mental illness, it's so funny when their dissociative symptoms are worse than mine

@problemaddtic I admire the way you use your experiences to dunk on sysmeds rather than help others (UwU 🌸)

it's pretty sad when the biggest sysmed in syscourse cares more about endos than you seem to

You realize there are many systems, of all types, that struggle with internal communication, right? Is your dick so big you can't see your own community's posts?

How is this blog making me more pro endo, like friendos, you deserve better than this, come here, psspsspss, I'll make you tea and you can tell me how and where you're struggling and maybe I can point you toward some resources that might help

#based on number of likes #my dick is WAY bigger than yours #syscourse #pro endo #anti endo

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kortsitron · 2 years

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Let It Out

Pairing: Bucky Barnes × Gender Neutral! Reader

Warnings: depression, agnst, this shit kinda dark, mental illness, anxiety, overthinking, mention of suicide with mentioning it, hurt/comfort

Summary: Reader is in a dark place and after being scared and tired of their own thoughts, they need to talk about it with someone.

Also now _____ is the new version of (Y/N), tell me if you like that version more

Author’s Note: Please if you're not feeling good, reach out for help! Talk about your problems with someone you trust! It will be better! Remember that if you're not feeling comfortable reading this, don't do it, don't make yourself do things that you don't wanna do. Also this is kinda a vent cuz I need to let emotions out, so yeah :P

Also keep in my mind that I haven’t been writing for a while, so this might be shit and out of character

It's been getting worse lately and it scared you. Your mental health has been a mess for as long as you can remember, but now it was worse than ever. Your thoughts were so loud, and throughout your day you knew will be the same as every other night. Crying in your bed, horrified and just wanting it all to stop. You just wanted to be safe from it all.

You've been laying in your bed, feeling tears come to your eyes while your phone called in the middle of the night. It was Bucky. You haven't heard from him for a week, because he was on a mission. You were stunned and if you weren't sure if you wanted to answer. You didn't want James to hear that you've been in a dark place lately, however you decided to answer and at least try distracting yourself from these awful thoughts. “Hello?” You murmured, scared your voice might break if you said it louder.

“Hi _____! I didn't wake you up, did I?” He greeted you with a cheerful tone, you could tell he was happy to be back. “Oh, no you didn't. I wasn't asleep, I was actually kinda bored.” You faked a laugh, hoping it would sound real and he won't suspect a thing. “How was the mission?”

“It's been pretty tough, but luckily I didn't get hurt too much. I have bruises here and there, but no serious injuries, so nothing to worry about.”

“That's good.” You replied, thinking how to get the conversation going, you had no idea what to say.

“I was thinking, since I'm back, maybe you wanna go grab a dinner with me tomorrow. We then could go for a walk or go to my apartment and watch a movie. What do you think?” Your heart melted a bit, and you couldn't help but smile.

“I would love to do that, James.” You whispered, feeling your cheeks getting hot. You could tell that he was happy to hear that answer and he started talking about what plans he had for the near future like helping Steve with assembling a new closet that he ordered or finally reading a book that he bought some time ago. You were cheery to listen to him. You weren't talking a lot during that conversation, you just were answering with short sentences and "mhm" sounds. It made James think that you were tired. “You know ______, I don't want you to be tired for tomorrow so I think I'll be going, okay?”

That sentence made you distressed, you didn't want this call to end. You knew if it ended, thoughts would harass you again. “Please don't hang up!” You sobbed, it was almost automatic. It was a cry for help. You could tell that you caught Bucky off guard and there was silence which felt like forever. Without a second thought you continued. “Please Bucky, I don't wanna be alone.” Your voice broke and tears went down your face. Bucky heard soft crying and he felt his heart slowly break.

“Is everything alright?” Was all he could think about at the time, even though he knew what answer he was going to get.

“No. I'm.. I'm so scared.” You were shaking, it was your thoughts so loud again. “Don't leave me alone with my thoughts, please. They're so horrifying, it's too much.”

“I've got you, _____. Let it out. I'm here for you.” That made you cry even harder and let out all the terrifying things that have been on your mind for a while. James was just listening, trying to imagine what has been going on lately. And it made him wonder if there was something he could do to help you or if there were any signs he didn't notice at the time.

You finally felt relieved and not like there was no way to help fight you. You felt a bit of hope, after all these days in the dark of your own mind. You felt yourself zooming out, after so much crying. “_____?” James called, bringing you back. “Yes?”

“Thank you for telling me. I really appreciate that you trust me so much. I'll do anything to help you, we'll get through this together. Is there anything I can do for you at the moment?”

“Please come over, I don't wanna sleep alone tonight.” Your voice was a bit weak from the crying, it was so quiet that James could barely hear you.

“Of course. Do you want me to stay on the phone till I get to your apartment?”

“Yes please.”

“Alright, I need to put on a jacket and shoes, and I'm basically ready to go. I should be at your place in around 10 minutes.” James without thinking was telling you everything he was doing, to keep you at peace, before finally arriving at your place and ending a call. When you opened the door and he saw your red face and puffy eyes, he couldn't help himself and gave you a hug. A hug that you wanted to feel for so long. It made you sob again. The feeling of safety James brought with him. You truly felt like you weren't alone and you weren't going to lose that battle.

#marvel #marvel x reader #mcu x reader #mcu #bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x reader #bucky x you #james bucky barnes #gender neutral pronouns #gender neutral reader #agnst #hurt/comfort

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