#yes i am EXACTLY like this in a real life argument i have been told i am infuriating to argue with | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thisgirlnamedblusy · 9 months

Note

I absolutely LOVED ‘someone is going to catch us’ and I was hoping if you could make a continuation with them having a meeting with the principal in part two if you’re okay writing one? Thank you!!

Yesss here it is!!!! Maybe it's a bit sad, but it has happy ending. I just tried to be realistic, and I thought what the real Larissa's reaction would be. Anyway, I hope you like it and sorry about the language mistakes!!!! :)))))

-This is a continuation for: Someone is going to catch us

Someone caught us

Pairing: Marilyn Thornhill x Fem, Student! Reader

Warnings: slightly mentions of smut, angst, fluff

Word count: 1,808

Summary: Larissa caught you. Now you two have to face the consequences

N/A: Requests are open!!! Sorry about the delays, I’m working hard on your requests. I love you all!!!

“I told you, damn it, (Y/N), I told you,” Marilyn repeated at the of the principal's office door. You rolled your eyes, you were scared and nervous. Larissa had caught you, and it was not exactly a simple kiss, it was something, much worse.

Larissa watched as your lover was taking you against the desk, in the conservatory. You were embarrassed and the consequences would be devastating, but one thing was clear to you. You weren't going to give up Marilyn.

“Shut up,” you answered in a bad way. “If you had been less cowardly this would not have happened,” you said. You were nervous and angry with the world. You didn't want to take it out on Marilyn, she was right. It was your fault, but you weren't the one that was fucking you with a strap-on. Two people are needed for that.

“What? Are you blaming me?” the redhead asked with wide eyes. “It's not me who came to the conservatory wanting to fuck.”

“Maybe I wouldn't if we could live a normal life, unless that's not what you want, Marilyn,” you said, crossing your arms. You were teary-eyed and your whole body was shaking.

“What? You're diverting the conversation, you always do,” she answered you, shaking her head.

“You are not able to admit that you are ashamed of me. You don't want anyone to find out about us. You live in fear.”

“I think it's a little late for that, (Y/N). Larissa, my boss, the principal has found out. I hope you're proud,” she reproached you.

Surely that attitude was not the best you could have. You lost nothing but your reputation. She lost it too, but with it, her job. You felt guilty, but you couldn't prove it, deep down you kept believing that if you had had a normal relationship that wouldn't have happened.

“Well, yes, I am. It no longer makes sense to hide it,” you said with a presumptuous tone. Her jaw dropped and she continued to shake her head.

“You're an immature brat, (Y/N), you don't realize the consequences of your actions,” she hissed, getting closer to you in a dangerous way.

“Great, leave me. Go with someone your age,” you answered, hoping that she would not accept your proposition. You didn't want to lose her. You loved her, you loved her very much.

“Maybe it's the best thing we can do…” She whispered, looking towards the door again.

A tear ran down your cheek. You weren't willing to accept it. You didn't mean it, you didn't want to leave it with her. You started hating yourself for being so stupid.

“Coward,” you said, sobbing. Marilyn frowned at you. She didn't say anything, just looked away, placing a hand on her forehead uneasily.

“Ahem.” Larissa's voice interrupted the worst moment of your life.

She looked at you with annoyance, with anger, as she opened the door to her office. You both bowed your heads and went in after her.

Larissa didn't speak as she sat in her chair, looking at some papers. When she finished she stared at you, sighing.

“I've been the Nevermore principal for more than 10 years and I have to admit that I've never had to face something like this,” she said, with the most serious voice you've ever heard from her.

You looked at the ground, clenching your fists. The embarrassment of being caught was nothing compared to that little argument.

“I have had to face many things,” Weems continued. “Fights between normies and outcasts, parents who do not accept the ineptitude of their children, drunk and incompetent teachers. But this is new to me, so I'll just ask one thing…” She said, getting up from the chair with her arms resting on the table, leaning towards you. “What the hell were you thinking, Marilyn?!”

That scream wasn't going towards you, it was going towards the redhead, who was scared of Larissa's fury. She was embarrassed and didn't even meet the eyes of the woman who was yelling at her.

“I certainly didn't expect that from you. With a student, in a class in… Well, anyway, you know exactly what you were doing. Have you gone crazy?!”

“I…” The redhead whispered, her voice cracking.

“I don't want to hear what is surely an absurd explanation. I can't forgive you for this, Marilyn, I can't turn a blind eye to something like that. (Y/N) is your student! A teenager! What kind of morals do you have to do something like that?”

It dresses you with the need to intervene. It was humiliation enough for poor Marilyn, that she wept discreetly, without looking up.

“Eh, I'm not a kid, I'm 18 years old,” you said, furious to see Larissa speaking that way to the love of your life.

“I'm not talking to you, yet” Larissa said, now looking at you.

“She hasn't done anything wrong, it was my fault,” you said with conviction.

“I'll have to decide that.”

“You don't know what you're talking about,” you said, sobbing. “You don't understand.”

“I know exactly what I'm talking about, (Y/N)! I have seen it with my own eyes! You have broken so many rules that I should expel you right now,” Larissa told you, threatening.

Marilyn looked at you sideways. You've never seen her with those eyes. Her entire body trembled.

“No, please, no, don't expel her,” the redhead said, unexpectedly coming to your defense. “It's my fault, please.”

“Was it? Whose fault was it?” Weems asked, with a dangerous look.

“Mine,” you answered in unison.

“Oh… Please…” Larissa sighed, sitting back down.

“We love each other,” you said emboldening yourself. Marilyn looked up in surprise. It wasn't that look from a few minutes ago, it was one of sadness.

“What?”

“We are together, and we love each other. If you were capable of accepting it, none of this would have happened,” you kept saying.

Marilyn did something that brought you even more tears. She reached her hand into yours and grabbed it.

“Don't talk nonsense, (Y/N)… Nobody is judging the love you say you feel. What I'm judging is showing that love in public, at school,” Larissa whispered, writing on a piece of paper. “Let's get this over with. I don't care what you have between you two. It is not allowed, it is immoral. Maybe if I hadn't found out, or if you weren't stupid enough to do what you did, I might have missed it. But you've come too far, and Nevermore can't afford a scandal like this.”

You both looked at each other, your hands did not separate.

“Marilyn, from what (Y/N) says, I don't think you've done anything that is out of the law. Until today you have proven to be a good teacher, so I will not mention this in the next meeting. But I'm afraid you can't continue in Nevermore,” she said, extending a paper towards the redhead.

“It is a formal resignation for your position. That will make things easier for you and won't hurt your reputation. I am also going to write a letter of recommendation so that you can find a job as soon as possible. Sign it, it's the best for everyone.”

Marilyn wept silently as she picked up a pen from the top of the paper. You cried even more, seeing how she leaned over to sign it. With a rush of adrenaline you snatched the paper off the table.

“No! Don't do it!” You yelled. Marilyn and Larissa looked at you with wide eyes.

“(Y/N), calm down, it's the best. If I sign it, there will be nothing that prevents us from being together, do you understand?” She told you, taking you by the shoulders and reassuring you. Larissa watched the scene, curiously.

“No, it's not fair, Marilyn, you haven't done anything wrong…” You sobbed, preventing her from picking up the paper again.

“What we did was not right, (Y/N), it was risky and every risk has its consequence. Don't cry anymore, please,” she told you, running a hand over your cheek, wiping away your tears.

“We were just loving each other… Love is not a bad thing,” you said, hugging her desperately. “Please, do not sign, I do not want you to leave…”

She hesitated, but she hugged you back, sighing.

All of this was taking place under the watchful eye of Larissa, who remained silent.

“Calm down, my girl…” She whispered in your ear. It seemed as if the words she said to you before entering the office had been forgotten. It was a sad, heartbreaking moment, but you never felt so loved. “I will come to see you every day, I promise.”

Saying so and placing a soft kiss on your forehead, she took the paper from your hand and leaned down to sign it, handing it to Larissa as she tried to hide her own tears. Weems looked at the paper and nodded.

“It's not fair…” You sobbed. Larissa looked at you over the top of the paper and closed her eyes, sighing.

A sound of torn paper filled the office. Larissa broke that document into several pieces, leaving it completely unreadable.

“What?” the redhead asked, stunned.

“I'm only going to say it once. If I see you doing something inappropriate again I won't be so kind, do you understand? There will be no second chance,” she said, getting up from the chair again. “I don't want to see you together at school.”

“Sure, sure,” Marilyn said quickly, smiling with joy.

“Do what you have to do very far from here, is that clear?”

You nodded, taking the redhead's hand again.

“Get out, out, out of my sight…” Larissa said, moving her hand as she rested her head on the other. The two of you hurried out of the office.

Once outside you launched yourself at Marilyn, kissing her passionately. She pushed you away after a few seconds.

“Didn't you hear what she told us?” She said, also unable to hide her joy.

“She said she doesn't want to see us, she's not seeing us,” you said joking. She laughed and stroked your cheek again, shaking her head.

“What you said is beautiful, (Y/N). I didn't think you loved me that much.”

“Well yes, I love you, I adore you, I love you so much…” You whispered in her ear. “Do you know something?”

She shook her head, grabbing your waist.

“I still carry it in my backpack… I know of a place in the library that…”

“Oh my God, (Y/N), again?”

“There is no one... It has a door... Do you remember that I can walk through walls?”

She smiled sheepishly, but she bit her lip thoughtfully.

“Well, okay, but if they catch us again it will be your fault,” she said, while you grabbed her wrist, pulling her.

#marilyn thornhill #marilyn thornhill x reader #wednesday #ms thornhill #oneshot

16 notes · View notes

charles-and-camilla-fanfictions · 4 months

Text

All the Time in the World - Chapter 11

Birkhall, March 2020

“I love you. Please tell me that you know that.”

“I know you love me… You just don’t love me enough.”

“You’re upset because I put you second to the Crown.”

I don’t answer. I just try to breathe, try to match the pressure around my body from his arms but my limbs have no strength.

“Do you know why I would come to see you?”

“Yes, you’ve told me…”

“That’s the public reason I would give. But my personal reason has nothing to do with that. My personal reason is you. Darling, you wouldn’t even know that I was there. But I couldn’t be apart from you. The reasoning is selfish. How I feel.”

“But you won’t grant me the same wish.”

“No. Because it would look bad on the Crown.”

I open my mouth, ready to complain but I just sob, my heart so heavy.

“And think who that person is. Not my mother. She’s just holding on to spite me. He’s my little boy, regardless of his age. Don’t hate me for that. Don’t think I love you any less.”

The reasonableness of his argument jars through me. “I hate you.”

“You would do exactly the same.”

I hate it when he is right. “Why is it always me that has to submit?” I know I’m being petulant but he has really hurt me, years upon years of knowing I’m not important enough.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry about how upset I have made you. But a marriage is a union between two families, not just two people. It isn’t an isolated cocoon of just our love. Could you even imagine?” He kisses the top of my head. “We’d kill each other.”

“This is a bit like a cocoon…”

“And we’re already fighting.”

“I don’t want to fight with you.”

“I don’t want to fight with you either.”

“But it’s always me making the compromise.” He isn’t even aware of most of them.

“I know. I know… I love you. You’re the reason I have happiness in my life. I don’t deserve you. I know I don’t. But I love you. Every atom of your being radiates the energy I need to survive. I don’t have the power to give you everything you deserve in life. I’m sorry for being a failure to you.”

If I didn’t know he meant it, this would anger me. It’s manipulation. But in his case, he means it and it tugs at my heart. How can he still feel like this? “You’re not a failure.”

“I am if I can’t make you happy.”

“You make me happy.”

“Funny sort of happy this is…”

“Nobody is happy all the time.”

“I’m happy every time I know I’m going to see you. Even today. I was scared about seeing you but still happy. Holding you in real life, like this. Even if you’re crying…”

“Better when I’m not crying?”

“Admittedly better when you’re not crying…”

“Hold me until I stop.”

“Can I hold you for longer?”

“Yes. Can we start today again?”

“How?”

I wriggle out of his arms and start taking off my clothes. He gives me a sideways glance and copies me.

“I presume this isn’t what I’m thinking.”

That makes me smile. “Your presumption is correct.” I slip my legs under the blankets, out of the cold, and he soon joins me, squealing slightly as I press my frozen feet against his calves. He kisses me softly and I realise how much I’ve missed him, how much I’ve wanted to be beside him, to hold him, to kiss him.

“What do I have to do to make it a positive presumption?”

“Depends on how loved you can make me feel.”

“I can make you feel loved.” He finds my hand and kisses it repeatedly.

“When we get up, we can start the day again.”

“I’d like that very much.”

“I can’t wait to spend the day with you. Being in isolation away from you has been like living in a prison. But I can deal with being trapped inside the house with you. Just you.”

“Only you. I’m looking forward to it already.”

1980, Bolehyde Manor

I struggle with the seatbelt, not managing to release it from the clasp and he laughs at me, watching me getting annoyed with it before reaching over and releasing the lock.

“Free.”

“Thank you.”

“Are you planning to run?”

“What? Because you’ve released me?”

“Because I set you free.”

“You think I’m free just because you removed a belt from around my body?”

“I’ll release you from everything.”

“The door’s locked.”

He smiles, pressing a button and I hear the clunk as the car unlocks.

“If I run, there’s armed police to stop me just ten yards away.”

“I’ll call them off.”

I hold up my left hand. “You can’t free me from this.” I say the words before thinking and then I curse myself. We don’t talk about this relationship going anywhere or that it’s not. We don’t mention the binds and why it’s not possible. We don’t talk about anything to do with feelings. Just desire. And friendship. They’re easier.

He takes hold of my hand and brings it to his lips, kissing the palm of my hand and making me shiver. “I could remove this very easily.” Then he bites my ring finger, roughly, pulling my wedding ring off with his teeth. I giggle, nervously, as he spits it from his mouth and tosses it in the ashtray, amid the ash from my cigarettes.

“It feels very bare now.”

He reaches to kiss me but pulls away before I can respond, then I feel him pulling at my finger again, this time to push a large ring over my knuckle. The metal is warm. He doesn’t let me look at it but I know the ring very well. It sits on his pinkie and he never removes it. My heart is beating so loudly, his protection officers must be able to hear it, sitting in the car behind ours, guarding the drive behind us. His blue eyes are staring at me intensely and he strokes my hand now with his thumb, stirring a current through me. Why did he do that? Why does it make my heart leap with an excitement which is edged in such a warm pleasure? I want to allow myself to love him but I know I can’t.

“Imagine it’s any diamond on this planet. I’d get it for you.”

“Please stop.” I can’t afford to indulge in this pretence. It’s dangerously like hope.

“Or would you prefer a stone instead?”

“No.” I don’t know what I’m saying ‘no’ to. The stone, the roleplay…

“A diamond then. The size of your knuckle. Then you can’t ever take it off.”

I feel him slide towards me, slipping across the leather seat and then we’re in easier territory as he reaches to kiss me. I throw myself into the kiss as kissing him is the only outlet for my heart. I grasp onto his head and push my fingers into his hair, pushing against him fiercely. But then my head is against the back of the seat and I can feel his hands now caressing my face, his kiss so gentle, it forces me to open my eyes and his are there, staring at me and I need to look away but I can’t. How did this become so much more than playing games with my husband? How did my best friend become this burning desire in my heart?

“I think I’m in love with you, Milla.”

“Think? If you were in love with me, there would be no thinking involved.”

“That’s nonsense. Of course the thought process is involved.”

“Then you’re not in love with me.”

“You have the most ridiculous romantic notion of love.”

“Love is different. You said you were ‘in love’ with me.”

“I take it back. I love you. Are you going to argue with that?”

“I’m heading inside.” I push him off me and reach for the ashtray to retrieve my ring.

“Don’t!”

It stops me for a microsecond and then I reach for it again, his hand capturing my wrist roughly. A liquid anger bursts through my veins as he physically restrains me. “Get off me!”

“I don’t want you to get your hands dirty!” He holds out a pristine handkerchief and releases my wrist. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to…”

“Yes, you were.” I snatch the handkerchief and fish out my ring from the ash. It’s filthy.

“I’ll get it cleaned. Please don’t put it back on tonight.”

His ring is so heavy on my finger and so tight and my heart is pounding from the conversation we’ve just had. I climb out of the car without kissing him goodbye and walk quickly to open the front door. I’m not surprised to feel his arms around my waist and his lips against my neck, making me ache for him. “You can’t come in, the children are in bed.” I push the door open and his teeth pull at my ear, making me squeal.

“Why not?”

He follows me inside before turning me to face him. He’s not even kissed me and I know he’s staying. Every cell in my body wants him. I manage to put my keys on the sideboard along with his handkerchief with hands which are already shaking.

“I’m sorry for making you angry.”

“I’m not angry.” I don’t have enough resolve to maintain anger with him. He kisses my neck and my arms wrap around him of their own accord.

“I love you. I don’t want to upset you.”

“I’m not upset.”

“You’re shaking.”

I pull away from him. “Follow me. Quietly.”

He’s gone when I wake the next morning and I roll over to push my nose into the pillow he used. I can still smell him and I breathe him in, feeling it curl through me, stroking my heart which is already sending out ripples of distress at being parted from him. I need to get a grip on this. I can’t be in love with him. I allow myself a few long moments to remember last night and that delicious rush which floods through my skin as I recall the feeling of his body flush against mine before I force myself up and into the shower, washing him away. Then it’s time to switch into my other life as I go to wake my baby daughter, her fat little face scrunching up in displeasure at being woken. Back to praising her for having a dry bed, slathering cream all over her, dressing her, negotiating what she’s wearing–why does she care what she wears? Then I heave her on my hip as it takes far too long for her to walk downstairs when she’s dopey like this and trudge into the kitchen. Tom is out on the patio already. I can hear him talking to himself and the door is wide open.

Ambling outside, I see the train track first, a wooden contraption which he has constructed all around the patio and then I see the two of them, Tom and Charles sitting together, building a bridge. My heart feels like it’s falling from that same bridge. I watch Charles explain the need for supports and then help to build the track, letting Tom do the work, allowing him to think and adjust the plan. Laura demands to be put down and I find myself staring at Charles as Laura toddles over to him and he sits her on his knee.

“Good morning, Darling.” It’s said to Laura but he’s looking at me. Laura makes a grab at the track and he hands her a train to play with which she drives over him. This isn’t fair. He can’t be so good with my children. My heart is shouting at me to listen and it’s becoming too difficult to ignore. I return to the kitchen for air, busying myself with breakfast and I notice my ring in a bowl on the side, sparkling clean. I reach for his signet ring, sitting on my finger and run my finger over the feather crest, wanting to keep it. I pull it but it’s tight and it doesn’t budge and I get the first waves of panic that I won’t be able to get it off.

“Do you need help?”

I look up at him worriedly, then smile as he seems to be wearing my children, Laura still playing with a train on his shoulder, Tom clasping onto his trousers. “Morning, Darling.” I bend down and open my arms to my son, kissing his soft hair until he wriggles away.

“I got it on without a struggle so it will come off.” He grasps onto my hand and kisses it. “For now, you’re stuck with the reminder of me attached to you.”

“Don’t look so smug.”

“I’m feeling incredibly smug this morning.” He puts Laura down, and she rushes off to follow her brother before he wraps me in his arms.

I sink into them as if they were made for me, breathing him in, pushing my lips against his neck.

“Last night was…”

“Stupid…”

He laughs at my interjection, kissing the side of my face. “Incredible. As you well know.”

“I thought you’d left.”

“I won’t leave you without saying goodbye. I was planning on making you breakfast but then I got distracted by Tom.”

“Making me breakfast? You can cook?”

“Scrambled eggs, of course.”

“Wow!” He grasps onto my sides, tickling me, making me giggle before kissing my forehead and drawing me closer.

“When can I next fall asleep with you wrapped around me?” His words are whispered into my ear, making my heart sing, making my stomach churn with anxiety.

“When can I wake up with you beside me?”

He doesn’t answer, just kisses my ear and holds onto me tighter.

“So when am I meeting you and your girlfriend as ‘a couple’?”

He moans into my ear and we pull apart. “Why can’t I just marry you?”

“I don’t know. Something reminiscent of someone called Simpson?” It makes him chuckle but the smile doesn’t reach his eyes.

“I would actually like you to meet her properly. Tell me what you think of her?”

“We should probably do it sooner rather than later. You have very bad taste in women.”

“You just never like any of them.”

“Precisely. Really bad taste.”

“Give her a chance. She’s very young.”

“I know of her. She’s a lamb. I can’t really see you two together though.”

“You can help her.”

“What? Help her become more ‘suitable’ for you? Christ, Charles, do you actually like this one?”

“I don’t know. I might do. She’s very sweet. She listens to me.”

“Do you think she’s attractive?”

“Hmmm…”

“Oh God… So you only might like her personality and you’re not sure she’s attractive?”

“She’s very pretty.”

“That’s a start.”

“She’s very amenable.”

“What a quality to possess.”

“It’s quite important really. She’s going to have to do everything my family says and tradition dictates for the rest of her life if she marries me.” “Good point… Okay, amenable then and pretty. Let’s meet her. I’m sure I can pass on some friendly advice.”

“I don’t want to marry her. I need you to know that. I want to marry you.”

“But you can’t, so here we are, discussing potential brides…”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself…”

“Darling, you don’t have to marry her. But you might need to give her a chance.”

“I was meant to be leaving.”

“Some conversations are important enough to take the time to have them.”

“Yes. Call me later. It’ll be good to talk through this with you anyway.”

12 notes · View notes

echolipse · 9 months

Text

1. What is your romantic/sexual orientation? Panromantic asexual 2. Are you out? To whom? I'm not even sure. I'm not hiding it but I haven't done a formal "hi this is what I am" lol. 3. How old were you when you realized you were asexual? What made you realize it? I knew it was something weird with me sexually at like 13, but I didn't realize what exactly until I learned about asexuality at the age of 20. 4. Do you identify as a part of the queer community? What communities do you identify with? Yes. Mainly just LGBTQ+ in general, but for more specific ones it'll be the asexual and trans/enby communities. 5. Tell the story of the first person you came out to. I came out to my mom as bisexual when I was 14, that's what I thought I was back then (I just knew I liked both binary genders), I didn't know there were more specific things than straight, bi, gay. I told her in an SMS from my bedroom lol. She replied that she loved me regardless. 6. Have you faced oppression because of your asexuality, whether institutional or societal? I'm not sure. 7. Who’s your favorite Doctor? (Or, do you have a favorite asexual character?) David Tennant. 8. Do you believe there should be asexual pride? What do you imagine it being like? I mean, just celebrate pride with the general LGBTQ+ movement. 9. What does being asexual mean to you? Sexual attraction is little to non-existent. 10. What have other people said about your asexuality? Not much tbh. 11. If you’re out, talk about the most accepting person you’ve come out to. If you’re not out, talk about what you would hope a coming out experience would be like. Most people in my life are very accepting of LGBTQ+ as a whole. 12. Your favorite asexual Tumblr site. Don't have any. 13. Your favorite asexual website. Don't have any. 14. Tell us about a time you met another asexual, whether in real life or online. Don't remember. 15. Your favorite asexual character/celebrity/person. I like that guy on tiktok that calls himself tiktok jesus, he's asexual and pretty funny. 16. Your favorite “asexual” book (as in, sex and/or romance are not the main focus). A good girls guide to murder. 17. Your favorite “asexual” movie. Can't decide on a favorite. 18. Tell us a funny joke about asexuality. No. 19. What do relationships mean to you? Haven't been in one in 9 years, don't even remember anymore. 20. Tell us about your partner(s). If you are not in a relationship, tell us about your best friend(s). My best friends are great. I don't know what to say, I just think they're great and I'm happy to know them. I don't have the energy to write a lot about each of them (even tho it's just 2). 21. Your favorite asexual quote. Idk, maybe the classic "I'd rather have cake" 22. What do you believe causes asexuality? No clue. What causes gayness? 23. What is your favorite asexual pride image? Probably one with a dinosaur shape colored with the ace colors or something. 24. Write something or post a picture about asexuality that upsets you. It's hard finding love... not that I tried that hard, I'm lazy and don't like people lol. 25. What is the worst argument you’ve heard against asexuality? "You're not a plant" 26. Who is your biggest ally? My best friends. 27. What is your favorite types of cake? Carrot cake. 28. What is your favorite type of pie? (Or, is pie an acceptable replacement for cake?) No. 29. Where did you first learn about asexuality? I think it was here on tumblr. 30. Tell us anything about asexuality that you want to end with. I'm tired of writing now.

#asexuality #asexual #ace

5 notes · View notes

starkstruck27 · 10 months

Note

do you go out of your way to like shitty characters?

No, but I DO go out of my way to clarify why I like them. It's because

NEWSFLASH!!

They're F I C T I O N A L!!

I assume this ask was meant to call me out for liking Billy Hargrove, mostly, though you did say characters plural, so maybe there's more. But I'll tell you the real reason I like them: I identify with them. They aren't perfect, but neither am I, and I'd rather see the flaws in them and think that if given time and opportunity they could change those harmful things instead of thinking that that's what makes them unlovable. If we're talking specifically with Billy (like I assume we are) I see myself in him because I too grew up in a household where violence and pressure to be perfect all the time loomed over me pretty much 24/7. I know where all his anger and emotional instability comes from because I've felt it, too, and I also know how it feels to have my views on the world and its people influenced by the person who controls my entire life. For example, my mother is a Christian woman, so I grew up Christian, and even now, if I say I like something like the band Ghost (who often poke at religion and tend to lean towards more satanic views on the surface) she'll think I'm a Satanist and start to worry about me. So as a result, by now I just go along with whatever she says so that I avoid the argument that will inevitably come if I try and say any different. It's the same kind of thing with Billy, he knows how his father feels, and he knows he'll be in trouble if he or Max go outside of that box he's put them in, so he does his best to keep her away from Lucas because he wants to avoid all that. And yes, I KNOW that Billy was supposed to be a lot worse in canon with the racism. But a lot of the characters were supposed to be a lot worse, and it was the actors that had to put a stop to that. And most of the characters got chances to redeem themselves, whereas Billy did not. Another thing about him is the fact that what most people don't realize is that Billy would've gone after any of the boys if he'd caught them with Max, it just so happened to be Lucas that he saw with her the most. This is proved by the car scene where he's trying to scare Max. But here's the thing: I have a little sister too, and if I thought that something was up between her and a group of boys that seem to be stalking her that she JUST MET, I would want to scare her away from them, too, and vice versa. And if I found my sister in a house alone with said boys, as well as one that was much older than her and they lied to my face about it, I'd be pretty freaking mad and worried, too. Especially if my father had slapped me around for not knowing where she was an hour earlier and told me to go find her or it would be MY ass on the chopping block.

I say all of that to say that while you think some characters are awful for the things they feel or the lives they lead, some of us love them all the more for it, because we have been through exactly what they have and we know what it's like to feel that way or be in that situation. Maybe we didn't react the same, but it shows that our feelings are valid and that we're not monsters for feeling them. It makes us feel more human.

Anyway, to get back on track, not only does it not matter who and what I like, but it doesn't really affect you in the slightest. You and I are most likely never going to meet outside in the real world. Or maybe we will, or we have, and we just didn't know it. But no matter what the circumstances, the fact remains that we are most likely never going to talk outside of this, and even if we do, how likely is it that on a random chance meeting we get to talking about our favorite fictional characters? It's slim to none.

Not to mention the only place that your opinion on these characters matters is on YOUR blog, not mine. If you don't like my blog, that's okay! You don't have to follow me, and you can even block me if you want. But I came to Tumblr because I wanted a safe, positive environment to rant about my life, my interests and see other people's work that are also interested in the things I like. I didn't come here to cater to other people's likes and interests, only my own.

For example, I don't like reading fics with A/B/O dynamics, but if I stumble across one on here or Ao3, I'm not gonna go out of my way to make someone feel bad about writing it. They're probably very proud of their work, and because of that they wanted to share it with people that are interested, so it's not my place to say they can't do that or put them down for it. It takes so much more effort for me to make someone else feel bad and maybe even start hating the thing they made that they're proud of than it does for me to just say "oh, that's not my thing, whatever" and scroll past it.

So, I know this was long and you probably didn't read it all. Hell, you probably only sent this ask to me to get some kind of reaction and it kinda pains me to be giving it to you. But you need to understand what I'm saying. We don't have to agree on characters, because at the end of the day, I like what I like and you like what you like. That doesn't make either of us bad people, it just makes us different. But what DOES make you a bad person is that you came after me with the intention of being hurtful. Seeing an ask like this won't hurt me though, because I won't let it. I just hope that the next time you go to put an ask like this in someone's inbox, you think about it a little bit more. Tumblr is a wonderful place with wonderful people. Do we really want to muck that up by only focusing on the problems we make up to start shit for no reason? For me, the answer is no.

I hope you read all of this, and I hope you think about it long and hard, as well as about the type of person you want to be both on the internet and in real life. Either way, just remember that your ask didn't offend me, I'm just trying to teach you something with this answer.

Have a nice day.

#billy hargrove #asks #dont be dickheads people #were not all going to agree on everything all the time #dont let that turn you into a mean person #please everyone just be nice to each other

3 notes · View notes

talesofsorrowandofruin · 2 years

Text

Friday Kiss Tag

Thanks for tagging me, @fearofahumanplanet! :D

IIRC I only have one canonical kiss scene in TPATG, so here it is! Warning: contains implied/off-screen sex. (Context: Abi is going through Ilaran’s memories.) (Random note: someone told me that Abi’s obliviousness here is a “problematic stereotype” of aroace people. Not only am I aroace, I’m just as oblivious in real life as Abi is here. Make of that what you will.)

Kivoduin crowded even further into his personal space. Now she was practically standing between his legs. Abi was mildly surprised he hadn't pushed her away yet. She'd never thought Ilaran would put up with such disrespect. He looked thoroughly uncomfortable, yes. Was that a faint blush on his face? But he made no effort to make her move. He was so utterly still it almost looked as if he'd been turned to stone.

"You know perfectly well--"

Kivoduin stopped abruptly. She looked down, then up again sharply. Yes, Ilaran definitely was blushing. He studiously avoided meeting her eyes. Instead he acted as if the wallpaper to his right was the most interesting thing he'd ever seen. How odd.

Kivoduin straightened up and took a step back. "Really?" Her voice was somewhere between offended and exasperated. "I thought you said you aren't capable of that."

Ilaran shrugged. His blush deepened while at the same time he looked insulted. "There's nothing wrong with me. I said I'm just not interested."

What has this got to do with the forged signature? Abi wondered. Her mind was still on the argument earlier. It hadn't yet occurred to her that they were talking about something else entirely.

"Not interested?" Kivoduin repeated, raising an eyebrow.

Ilaran nodded. "In the same way I'm not particularly interested in a new house. I might accept if I was offered one, but I have no wish to go looking for one."

Kivoduin stared at him for a minute. "Did you just compare--"

"Yes," Ilaran interrupted. "I know it's not a good comparison. I didn't exactly have time to think of a better one."

Abi was still hopelessly confused. By now she'd figured out they weren't talking about the signature. She still hadn't realised what they were really talking about.

For a minute they were silent. Ilaran finally stopped staring at the wallpaper long enough to glare at Kivoduin. "Well? Why are you still here?"

Kivoduin blinked slowly. "You implied you would accept if someone offered."

He looked at her sharply. "Possibly. If I... liked the person enough."

"And if I offered?"

Is she giving him a new house? Abi scratched her head. These veiled references and insinuations were just confusing her even more. Why didn't they say what they meant?

"...I'd accept," Ilaran said quietly.

Kivoduin leant forward again and kissed him. Abi's mind screeched to a halt. Oh. Oh. That was what they were talking about. In hindsight it was embarrassingly obvious.

She turned and marched out of the memory. There were some things she didn't even want to think about, much less see.

Open tag for anyone who wants to do this! :D Also adding TPATG’s taglist since this is a long excerpt: @ajbrooks-writes, @mjmnorwood, @houser-of-stories, @time-space-and-the-muses, @lothloriien, @aliensmoon, @rataltouille, @thescatteredscribbles, @alexwritesfiction, @moth-with-a-pen, @thelaughingstag, @diphthongsfordays, @athenswrites, @ladydawnxx, @talesfromaurea, @jacquesfindswritingandadvice (Let me know if you want to be added to/removed from the taglist!)

#tag game #writing #my writing #my WIPs #WIP: necromancer

6 notes · View notes

lovemesomesurveys · 2 years

Text

In what form of communication did you last use to talk to the person you’re currently interested in?

I’m not interested in anyone. It’s been like 6 years since I’ve last had feelings for someone like that, which feels like forever ago. I forget what it feels like.

If you were to leave the house right now, would you change your outfit all?

If I were to leave the hospital I’d definitely change out of this gown.

When was the last time something really cute happened to you?

Uhhh. I have no idea.

Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed?

We don’t talk at all anymore. It’s also been about 6 years since I’ve seen or talked to him. We moved on. I’m not in touch with anyone I used to be friends with anymore to be honest…

Has anything happened to you within the past month that’s made you really happy?

No, it’s been a really bad past couple of months. A lot has happened, and not good things.

Do you want to see someone right now?

No.

Did a boy or girl text message you last?

Guy— my dad.

When was the last time something bothered you?

There’s a lot bothering me.

What was the last thing you looked up on Youtube?

I’ve been catching up on some vlogs and ASMR videos.

Have you held hands with anyone in the past 24 hours?

No.

Did the last guy/girl you kissed have any piercings?

No.

What exactly did you drink the last time you were intoxicated?

I think it was Jack and Coke.

Do you actually love your parents?

Yes, absolutely. My family is everything to me. My mom is my rock and best friend.

Have you ever had a school picture turn out absolutely dreadful?

I never liked them.

Are you more prone to being the social butterfly, or the wallflower?

I’m definitely the wallflower.

Would you rather go to a Katy Perry or Taylor Swift concert?

Katy Perry. Not a Swift fan, sorry.

Have you ever thrown up from working out?

No. Any exercise I’ve done wasn’t that intense.

What pattern do the sheets on your bed have?

This hospital bed just has the typical white sheets.

Are your days full and fast-paced?

No. The days just drag, especially now since I really am bedridden.

What languages can you count to ten or higher in?

Apart from English I can also do so in Spanish.

Are you good with painting nails with your left hand?

No, but even with my right hand I suck.

Do you feel uncomfortable sharing drinks with other people?

Yeah, I don’t share drinks with anyone.

Have you gone through a lot emotionally, or has life been easy thus far?

It definitely hasn’t been easy…

Have either of your grandparents ever told you a sexual joke?

Gah, nooo.

Do you spend more time outside or inside?

Inside, for sure.

Would you rather give up the computer or the TV?

TV. I could watch my shows and movies on my laptop.

Do you own any fake designer purses?

No. Or any real ones. I’m perfectly fine with my Loungefly and Adidas mini backpacks.

Who was the last person you were with that smelled REALLY good?

My mom wears a nice perfume.

Do you think braces are sexy?

Not particularly. The person wearing them could be, but no I don’t have a thing for braces.

What were you for halloween in first grade?

Probably a witch.

Last person to make you seriously mad?

Myself.

Don’t you hate when people have cell phones but never answer them?

It is kinda annoying when someone you know is always glued to their phone takes forever to reply to your texts. If it’s something I’m waiting for an answer from anyway, but if it’s not important than whatever. Admittedly, I don’t always respond or respond right away either, so. It just depends.

Who have you recently made up with after fighting?

I don’t really get into fights or arguments. I have like bickering moments or disagreements but that’s about the extent of it.

What kind of toothpaste do you use?

Sensodyne.

Last thing you bought at the grocery store?

Food.

What were you doing this morning at 1am?

Sleeping.

Funniest name you have ever heard?

*shrug*

What could someone do to irritate you?

Oh, it doesn’t take much. Ha. I’ve become such an irritable person over the past few years.

Have you used a tissue today?

No.

The last person that slept in your bed gets arrested, what do you do?

I couldn’t do anything but I’d definitely be shocked to find out my aunt was arrested. I can’t imagine that happening.

What color hair does your mom have?

Black.

When people ask “how are you?” do you say “good” even if you aren’t?

Yeah or like, “I’m okay” or “I’m fine.”

Honestly, did you really love the last person you said I love you to?

Yes, I really do love my mom.

When was the last time you were told you were cute?

Ha, it’s been awhile. I’m not cute, especially right now. Yikes…

How was your Friday?

Today is Friday and it’s been crappy. My brother is here visiting now, though, so that’s been nice. He just got back from his trip and was telling me about it.

When is the last time you were in a swimming pool?

About a decade ago.

Did you speak to your father today?

Through a couple texts.

What was the last thing you drank?

Pepsi. I can’t believe that was over a month ago…

Is there anyone you want to come see you?

My brother is here right now and then my mom is coming after she gets off work.

How did you wake up this morning?

Naturally. I don’t tend to sleep completely through the night, I get up off and on. Especially in a hospital where it’s noisy and nurses are coming in and out.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

6 notes · View notes

music-is-love-90 · 2 years

Text

Summary: A delay in the ballroom means Kate doesn't hear Anthony lay out his list of requirements for a wife. In turn, he doesn't ruin his chances with her. Even the best laid plans can fall apart when love interferes.

Ch. 26:

Kate was surprised to say the least when she received the invitation from Bridgerton House to join Miss Eloise Bridgerton for tea. The younger girl had been avoiding her since their argument, but Kate was hopeful that this indicated a thawing on the other girl’s part.

When she arrived at the Bridgertons’ home, she was directed not to the parlor, but to a balcony at the back of the house where Eloise waited for her.

“Thank you for coming.” She told Kate as they sat. “Frankly, I wasn’t sure you would after my behavior.”

“Of course, I came.” She told her, reaching over to squeeze her hand. “One argument will not ruin our friendship, I hope.”

“Of course not.” She agreed. “I also hope what Whistledown wrote hasn’t hurt you.”

“It has not.” Kate confirmed. “Your brother and I are fine, do not worry.”

The other girl relaxed, and Kate smiled.

“It was cruel, what she wrote about Anthony.” Eloise said, clearly peeved. “The only one it could hurt is you. Why would she do that? Shouldn’t she be trying to help other women?”

“I do not believe it was a personal attack.” Kate soothed her. “If anything, she’s been quite kind to me and my family until now. But, despite her willingness to use names, Lady Whistledown is a gossip sheet like all the rest. Yes, her barbs strike deep because she deidentifies her targets, but if you’ve done nothing wrong, she cannot hurt you. Comments about dresses and who spoke to who are annoying, but her true power is in revealing secrets. Your brother and I have none, so she cannot hurt us.”

“You knew Miss Russo had been at his home?” Eloise asked, shocked, and Kate sighed. “Why was she there?”

“What happened that night is your brother’s business and I will not break his confidence.” She told her. “All that matters is he informed me that it happened and that I trust him. The things Whistledown insinuates in her paper do not.”

“But doesn’t it bother you?” she pushed. “The way they all gossip and laugh at other people’s misfortune? All they do is judge.”

“Society is like that no matter where you are.” Kate replied. “I will admit that I have worried about the ton’s opinion of me might do to your brother’s reputation, to your family’s standing. I am the penniless daughter of a clerk and your brother is the Viscount Bridgerton. It sounds like it belongs in a fairytale, not real life.”

“But you are choosing to ignore your difference is status.” Eloise said slowly.

“More like I am realizing there is no difference is status.” She replied. “Your brother is a lord, but I am still the daughter of a gentleman and the great great granddaughter of a Maharaja. And beyond all that, your brother chose me and I him.”

Eloise was quiet as she pondered her words.

“So, you believe two people from different worlds could be happy together.”

“Not exactly.” Kate replied, suspicion starting to creep into her mind. “I am saying the divide between Lord Bridgerton and myself is not as large as I once believed. That is not true of everyone. Some divides are just too large to cross.”

Eloise was quite and Kate got up to move to sit next to her.

“Eloise.” She said gently. “Is this about the apprentice?”

“Theo. His name is Theo.” Kate sighed. “I haven’t gone in the shop! I promise! It’s just…” she picked up a pamphlet that was next to her. “He gave this to me. He wrote it.”

Kate turned it over in her hands, reading the title: Appeal in Defense of Women’s Rights.

“It’s good, Kate.” She said softly. “There are some errors, of course, but still. No man I have met amongst the ton thinks like this.”

“I am sure he is an intelligent young man.” Kate told her. “But, Eloise, you are the second born daughter of the 8th Viscount Bridgerton. Even if you were to shun society and your brother allowed it, how would you live? You would no more know how to navigate his world than he would know how to live in yours.”

“I could learn.” The younger girl protested.

“I have no doubt you could do anything you put your mind to.” Kate placated her. “But you have never lived that kind of live: no servants, working for every scrap you have. Have you ever even cleaned your own room, much less cooked a meal? And while your family would continue to love you, I am sure, you would be abandoned by everyone else you know. Society would shut its door in your face and that would be that.”

“Why should I care what society thinks?” Eloise demanded angrily.

“Think what you like of the ton, Eloise,” she replied calmly, “but like them or not, you were raised to be one of their shinning jewels, not an apprentice’s wife.”

“So that is my only option? Become one of the simpering debutantes so I can become one of the gossiping wives and produce children to do the same in twenty years while nothing changes?”

“That is not what I am saying, and you know it.” Kate sighed. “I am saying that, if you are to marry, you have a duty to marry well enough that your children have the same advantages you have had. An apprentice cannot do that, no matter how much you might believe you love him. It is a hard, cold truth, but an unescapable one. And as your brother is so fond of reminding me, you must play by the rules of the society you are in.” She wrapped her arm around the girl and was thankful when she didn’t pull away. “You cannot change the rules for yourself, but you may be able to change them for your daughter and her daughter after that. If you think the state of women needs to be improved, fight for it! You are an intelligent, well-educated, privileged young lady. You also have access to some of the most powerful, most important people in the country. If you want to change the way things are, make them listen to you. Write your own pamphlet. If you think so highly of Mr. Sharpe’s words, elevate them. Work for what you believe in and maybe one day your daughter will be able to love whom ever she chooses, with no thought to station.”

“But I will still have to give up Theo.” Eloise said in a small voice.

“Yes, I am afraid you do.” Kate said softly. “The world is unfair in that way, but maybe you can change it for the better.” She pulled back to wipe away Eloise’s tears. “You have a voice, Eloise. Use it.”

“You really think I can?”

Kate smiled.

“As I said, I believe you can do anything you put your mind to.”

~.~

After she calmed down, Eloise and Kate spent several hours in pleasant company, speaking of books and comparing India to England and all other manner of topic. After several hours, Kate decided she needed to return home. Eloise accompanied her to the front door to wait for the carriage and both women were surprised when the front door opened, admitting Lord Bridgerton.

“Good day, Miss Sharma.”

Kate smiled brightly.

“Good day, Lord Bridgerton.”

“And good day, Eloise.” His sister said sarcastically. “I am going to go sit on the other side of the room. Try to not do anything that will upset my delicate sensibilities.”

She strode over to a bench at the other end of the foyer and pulled out Mr. Sharpe’s pamphlet to begin reading.

“You’re saying I cannot lock her in her room?” Anthony asked dryly.

Kate just laughed.

“You are returning home?” he continued, taking her hand and pressing a kiss to it.

“Yes, Lady Danbury has arranged a trip to the opera tonight.”

“Did I know we were going to the opera?” he asked, his face adorably confused in Kate’s opinion.

“You did not, because we are not going to the opera, I am going to the opera.” She replied with a smile that quickly faded. “Miss Russo is performing tonight, and Lady Danbury believes it would be best if I were seen attending, to quell any rumors that might be circling.”

A frown had etched itself on Anthony’s face by the time she was finished speaking.

“I will go with you.”

“You will not.” She replied. She took a step forward, placing her hand on his chest, right above his heart. “If you go, at best it will look like you are protecting me from her. At worst, it will seem you are going to see her. But, if I go by myself, it shows I am not intimidated by her presence. No sane woman would put herself willingly into the presence of her husband’s mistress so, if I am willing to see her, obviously she is not your mistress.”

“Husband?” he repeated with a bright smile, making Kate sigh.

“You really do have selective hearing, do you not?”

Nothing she could say at that moment would dim his smile.

“I am just saying,” he told her, “I do not recall a wedding having taken place, but I am willing to defer to your clearly superior memory and begin performing my duties as a husband right away.”

“You are incorrigible.”

“You enjoy it. Admit it.”

He took her hand off his chest and pulled it up to press a kiss to her palm, causing her breath to grow ragged.

“I am still here.”

Kate snatched her hand away, but Anthony just chuckled.

“I am very sorry for your brother’s poor behavior.” She called to the younger Bridgerton, who just waved at her and kept reading.

“You started it.” He whispered, still grinning.

“I am ending it.” She shot back, but a smile played around the corners of her lips. There was the sound of a carriage from outside and she sighed. “I must go.”

“Are you sure you do not want me to accompany you tonight?”

The worry in his eyes made her glance back at Eloise, who seemed totally absorbed by her reading, before stretching up to press a quick kiss to his lips.

“I will be fine.” She assured him. “I will see you tomorrow.”

She squeezed his hand before slipping out the door.

“What will you give me to not mention any of this to mother?”

It was Anthony’s turn to sigh.

~.~

Siena Russo was extremely talented. Kate had noticed it the last time she had seen her perform, of course, but she had also been focused on Anthony at the time. Without him next to her, she was free to study the other woman on the stage.

The opera tonight was Handel’s Amadigi di Gaula and Miss Russo was excelling as the sorceress, Melissa, who was intent on separating the two lovers and taking Amadigi for herself. Kate watched, enraptured, as Melissa turned Dardano into his rival to deceive the princess, Oriana.

The second act ended as Melissa captured the lovers and Kate sat back with a sigh as the intermission began.

“Well, at least his good taste is consistent.” Lady Danbury said dryly from Kate’s right hand. “If he had to choose an opera singer, at least he chose a talented one.”

“Lady Danbury!” Mary hissed, but the other matron waved her away as Kate smiled.

“At least we got to experience some good music this week, for I assure you the Smythe-Smith musicale will not qualify.” She continued.

“It cannot be as bad as everyone is saying.” Kate protested, having heard several minutes of complaints from Benedict the day before.

“It is.” Lady Danbury confirmed. “They are sweet girls, but only one of them has a modicum of talent. It is a trial to get through.”

Kate stood, brushing wrinkles from her gown. It was one of her new ones, made of a deep blue fabric and gold edging. Its vaguely sari style made her more comfortable than any of the gowns she had worn this Season and she appreciated the sense of comfort it gave her. Lady Whistledown had ensured that every eye of the ton was on her tonight.

“Lord Morrison and I are going to get drinks.” Edwina announced.

Kate resisted the urge to grind her teeth.

Lord Morrison had been a late addition to their party and one Kate would have preferred to leave out. The man had been all that was proper all night and perfectly affable with her, but she couldn’t shake her distrust. She felt the same looks of pity and judgement from him that she was receiving from the rest of the ton.

She wished Anthony was with her.

“Of course, dear.” Mary told her youngest daughter.

“I believe I will accompany you.” Lady Danbury announced, leading them out the door without waiting for an answer. “Tell me, Lord Morrison, what are your opinions of the performance tonight?”

Their voices faded as Mary shook her head fondly. She sighed and wrapped her arm around Kate.

“Are you alright, dearest?”

“I am fine, mama.” Her eldest daughter assured her.

“If Lord Bridgerton really did have a relationship with that woman – “

“He did.” Kate confirmed, wanting no misunderstandings. “He made sure I knew of his past before our courtship went too far.”

She hated misleading Mary, but she didn’t think the fact that he told her about Miss Russo after Miss Cowper accused her of being his mistress would go over very well with her stepmother.

“Does he know of yours?”

“Mama.” Kate sighed.

“I know you like to pretend the Raja was nothing more than a friend, but we both know that isn’t exactly true.” She pushed.

“We were just friends.” The younger woman protested. “And even if he had been so inclined, I would not have married him, mama. You know that.”

“I know he asked you to be his wife, Kathani.” Mary said, switching to Tamil. “I may not have been fully present after loosing your Appa, but I still know when a Raja offers to make my daughter his wife.”

Kate sat down with a sigh.

“His second wife.” She corrected in the same language. “And as much as he liked you and Edwina, a wife of the Raja cannot have an English mother or sister. They would have made me give you up. And beyond all of that, I did not love him.”

“And do you love the Viscount?”

Kate nodded slightly, sitting down.

“I do, mama. I love him.”

“Then you should tell him about the Raja.” Mary sat next to Kate. “Why are you waiting, dearest? And, please, do not tell me of how he wants to give you a Season or how you want to see Edwina settled.”

“I do want to see Edwina settled.” Kate looked down, picking at her dress. “But…I will admit that I am afraid the ton will not accept me as his Viscountess and that he will grow to resent me for it. I see how the derision of the ton hurts you. How can I open him to the same?”

“Oh, my dearest.” Mary said softly, taking Kate’s hand in her own and holding it tightly. “I will not lie and say that my return home has been easy but seeing you happy has been worth it all. I imagine Lord Bridgerton feels the same. I watch him with you, and I see the same look I used to see on your Appa’s face. And yes, the ton can be cruel, but they are also fickle. You may not be what they expected, but they will adapt. And besides, the Bridgertons are a powerful family. Society will accept you because they do.”

“I do not care if Society ever accepts me.” Kate told her. “I just want him to be happy.”

“From what I understand, Lord Bridgerton is happiest when he is with you.” Her stepmother replied with a smile. “And I know I have never seen you smile brighter than when you are with him. Please, dearest, let yourself be happy without worrying about me or your sister or the ton. You deserve it.”

Kate threw herself into Mary’s embrace, surprising her, but she quickly wrapped her arms around her daughter tightly.

“I am so afraid, mama.” She whispered.

“Of what?”

“Letting you down.” Kate sniffled and Mary held her tighter. “Of failing Edwina. Of hurting the ones I love because of my selfishness.”

“You listen to me, Kathani Sharma.” Mary told her fiercely. “It is not selfish to want to be happy.”

“But Edwina – “

“You leave Edwina to me.” She interrupted. “I allowed you to take on too much. It was not right that you were left to guide your sister on your own.”

“You were grieving Appa.” Kate protested.

“But so were you, and after you had already lost your own mother, too.”

“You took me in as your own,” she insisted over Mary, “and you never treated me any differently. Everything I have done; I owe it to you.”

“You owe me nothing.” Mary pulled back to make Kate look at her. “You never had to earn your place in this family. I have loved you from the moment I met you. You came into my life as a daughter and I never saw as anything else. It pains me to think you do not believe you deserve all the love in the world.”

Kate took a shakey breath.

“He wants to marry me, mama.” She said, switching back to English as she pulled the chain out from under her dress and revealing the ring. “He’s not waiting because of the Season or because of Edwina but because I am afraid. I love him, mama, but I am so scared he will realize that I am not worth it.”

“I never want to hear you say that ever again, am I understood?” Mary told her sharply. “You are worth everything. Do not for a second believe otherwise. If you love him, do not let the ton, or my mistakes, or your loyalty to your sister, or anything stand in your way. Despite everything that happened, I have not regretted one moment I have spent loving your Appa or you or Edwina. Love is worth it.”

She pulled Kate to her and held her as she wept. It took a minute, but, eventually, Kate calmed. Mary released her, allowing her to gather herself, but stopped her before she could tuck the ring away.

“It is a beautiful ring.” She said, holding it up as she inspected it.

“It was his mother’s betrothal ring.” Kate said, smiling softly.

“I hope to see you wearing it openly soon.”

Kate nodded and Mary let her hide the ring once more.

“Are you alright to stay?”

Kate nodded.

“Honestly, Miss Russo does not bother me.” She told her. “Anthony made his choice and I trust him.”

“Anthony?”

Kate blushed, but she didn’t take it back.

“Well,” Mary shook her head, smiling, “as long as you are sure. She is quite talented.”

“Yes, she is.” Kate agreed easily as she stood once more. “But I am the one he is going to marry.”

Her mother smiled brightly.

“Yes, you are.”

~.~

Edwina could not believe they were at the opera. Couldn’t Kate see how embarrassing this was? Everyone was watching them.

“Miss Edwina?”

She turned to see Lord Morrison holding out a glass of lemonade. She took it with a murmured thanks.

“I am surprised Lord Bridgerton did not join us tonight.” He commented, taking a sip of his drink. “It seems odd to leave his intended to face this…situation alone.”

Edwina blushed in embarrassment.

“I am sure he had his reasons.” She demurred. “Kate seems to trust him, and I trust my sister’s judgement.”

“Yes, Lord Bridgerton has always been good at getting women to trust him.” Morrison seemed to realize he had said that out loud and gave her a self-deprecating smile. “Forgive me, that was just a bit of old school jealousy slipping out. I am sure he is behaving in the most gentlemanly way with Miss Sharma, but I contend that I would not leave my intended to face my mistress alone.”

Edwina sighed.

“I worry for my sister.” She told him softly. “I fear she is vulnerable due to her lack of dowry and connections.”

“Well, you must marry well and quickly.” He told her matter-of-factly. “Then, perhaps, your husband would be willing to protect her.”

She smiled at him.

“That was my thought as well, your Lordship.”

“One minute! One minute!”

“Come.” Morrison took her arm. “Let us return.”

When they arrived at the box, Edwina was confused by her mother’s soft smile as she watched Kate fidget with her necklace, but she was soon distracted by the reappearance of Miss Russo on the stage. Really, what kind of man let his intended face his mistress alone?

It didn’t matter.

Edwina glanced at Lord Morrison and smiled.

She’d protect her sister, even if it was from Lord Bridgerton himself.

~.~

Kate now knew that nothing could detract from her enjoyment of the opera. Miss Russo had done an excellent job, moving Kate to tears as she lost Amadigi to his destined lover and she felt for Melissa even as she rejoiced for the lover’s victory.

As the ton gathered in the lobby, she made sure to be heard complimenting Miss Russo’s performance.

“Perhaps you’d like to tell Miss Russo how much you enjoyed her performance yourself?” one of the ladies suggested, nodding to something behind Kate as she smirked.

Kate turned and knew instantly that someone must have set this up. It was not uncommon for the cast of a performance to come and greet the theater goers, but Miss Russo had been separated and maneuvered closer and had a nervous look on her look as she found herself cut off from any allies.

Kate knew she had two choices: give Miss Russo the cut and risk a report in Whistledown on how she ran in the face of Lord Bridgerton’s mistress or face the other woman head on and hope that would be enough to quell the rumors.

She squared her shoulders and started to turn, but she stopped as Edwina grabbed her arm.

“What do you think you are doing?” her sister hissed.

Kate started to respond, but Mary interceded.

“Come along, dear.” She said, removing Edwina’s hand gently. “Lord Morrison can escort us home while your sister and Lady Danbury follow.”

“Of course, I’d be happy to do so, Lady Mary.” The Earl agreed easily.

Edwina reluctantly allowed herself to be led away as Lady Danbury moved to Kate’s side. She squeezed the younger woman’s hand before linking her arm with Kate’s. She took a deep breath, buoyed by Lady Danbury’s support, and smiled.

“Miss Russo.” She could tell the other woman wanted to be anywhere other than where she was, but she was even more trapped than Kate. “I just wanted to tell you how wonderful your performance was. You have a beautiful voice.”

“Thank you, Miss.” Siena replied. “I believe I’ve seen you here before?”

“Just once, unfortunately.” Kate said. “I was at your performance of La vestale. You were wonderful as Julia. I enjoyed it immensely.”

“Did your companion enjoy it as well?”

Kate smiled slightly.

“He did.” She replied softly. “I believe it reminded him of the past.”

“I hope he remembered it with pleasure.” The other woman said blandly.

“I am sure he did.” Kate said in the same tone. “But I believe he is learning to not live in the past. I am very much looking forward to our future and I believe he is as well.”

“That sounds nice.”

The brave look on the other woman’s face touched Kate and she reached out to place a hand on her arm.

“I wish you well, Miss Russo.” She told her softly. “Only the very best.”

“I have lost the best, Miss Sharma.” Siena said just as softly. “But I will endeavor to find someone as close as possible. Thank you for your compliments. You were very kind.”

Kate nodded and, with one last smile, she turned and made her way through the crowd with her head held high.

“Very well done.” Lady Danbury said lowly as they stepped outside. “Very well done, indeed.”

Kate just nodded.

~.~

The next few days passed peacefully. Kate watched Lord Morrison’s courting of her sister closely, but for all his manners and flowers, she couldn’t shake her uneasiness.

“He’s too perfect.” She complained as she and Anthony promenaded through Hyde Park. “They never disagree on anything!”

“Not everyone enjoys arguing like we do.” Anthony pointed out with a smirk.

“I will grant you that.” She said with a smirk that quickly faded. “But still, I feel like he is playing a part: the role of the perfect suitor. No one is that perfect.”

Gossip around Kate and Anthony had died down after the trip to the opera. Lady Whistledown had simply commented on how lovely her gown had been and that she had had a pleasant conversation with the star of the evening. Assuming there was nothing more to gossip about, the ton had turned their attention to the courtship of her sister and the Earl. It was considered to be a perfect match to Kate’s supreme annoyance.

“Are you implying that I am not the perfect suitor?” Anthony asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I thought we agreed to not lie to one another.” Kate shot back.

Anthony clutched his chest dramatically, making her laugh.

“You are perfect for me.” She assured him, pulling him along before dropping her voice to a whisper. “Though, our mamas would not approve of our time in the woods.”

“And here I was, believing our times in the woods were what made me a perfect suitor.” He whispered back with a grin.

“What am I to do with you?” she asked with a sigh and a fond smile.

“I have a list, if you need suggestions.”

She shoved him with her shoulder.

“Behave, Lord Bridgerton.”

“But misbehavior is so much more fun, Miss Sharma.”

“Kate,” Mary called, making her daughter jump, “we need to return home to ready ourselves for the musicale.”

“Of course, mama.” Kate agreed as Anthony groaned.

“Must we really go?” he complained as they turned to head back home.

“Lady Danbury has declared it so.” She replied. “Besides, it cannot possibly be that awful.”

“It is.” He replied fervently. “I will go this year because you have never been and do not know better, but I expect a reprieve next year once you realize I was right.”

“Very well, but only if I agree with your assessment.”

“You will.” He told her with certainty. “No one with even a modicum of taste enjoys the Smythe-Smith musicale.”

Kate just shook her head.

~.~

“I told you so.”

Kate was staring at the poor girls in front of them.

“Why do they put themselves through this?” she hissed back to Anthony, who was sitting morosely next to her. “For that matter, why does their mother allow it?”

Lady Danbury had made them sit in the front row and Kate felt sure she would never forgive her for it.

“Who do you think did it before them?” he muttered back. “In their defense, only one of them is actually aware of their lack of talent. The poor girl on the cello is the only one with any real ability, which somehow makes it all that much worse.”

“Shh.”

Kate blushed as Lady Danbury shushed them and Anthony grumbled, but they did as asked. On the other side of the matron, Edwina sat next to Lord Morrison. Kate watched as the Earl leaned over and whispered something that made her sister giggle and she fought a scowl.

“Calm, my darling.” She heard Anthony whisper in her own ear. “You cannot fault them for something we are often guilty of.”

“I can when I know your intentions are honorable and I am less sure of his.” She hissed back.

“Kate…” he sighed.

“He is not the one for her.” She insisted softly. “I know it in my bones.”

“Until you come up with a more convincing reason, she is not going to listen to you.”

Kate sighed and slumped slightly in her seat as he quickly reached over to squeeze her hand before letting go. An intermission was called, and the audience breathed a sigh of relief. Anthony took Kate’s hand and led her to the refreshments. They each grabbed a glass of lemonade before heading for a quieter corner of the room.

“You do know that you will eventually have to let Miss Edwina make her own choice on whether or not to marry him?” he asked softly.

“Even if I know it is the wrong choice?” she demanded, her voice sad.

“Even then, my darling. You cannot protect her forever.”

Kate huffed.

“You would not be sanguine if it was your sister.” She accused without any real heat.

“No,” he agreed, “but my hope is that you will be there to help calm me when it is my turn again and that you can learn from my previous mistakes. Morrison seems significantly less worse than Hastings and he and Daphne are very happy.”

Kate nodded and sighed.

“I told Mary about the ring.” She said suddenly.

Anthony choked on the sip of lemonade he had just taken, making her smirk.

“You did?” he coughed, making her giggle.

“Yes, I did.” She replied as he steadied himself. “She is very happy for us.”

“My mother is as well.” He told her. “She knew what I had given you immediately.”

“We’ll tell everyone else soon.” She whispered. “I promise. I just…I need to make sure Edwina is safe.”

“I understand.” He told her, taking her hand to press a lingering kiss to the back of it.

“I hate making you wait.” She said, frustration with herself leaking into her voice. “You deserve better.”

“Any wait is worth it if you are at the end.” He told her sincerely. “That’s all that matters.”

Kate smiled softly.

“I take it back. You are the perfect suitor.”

“I know.” He replied cockily. “I am sitting through the Smythe-Smith musicale after all. I believe I deserve some sort of reward.”

“Would you like a medal or a chest to pin it on?” she snarked.

“Not exactly the reward I was think of, Miss Sharma.” He replied with a lascivious look.

“You are ridiculous, Lord Bridgerton.” She replied, rolling her eyes as he smiled. The poor Smythe-Smith girls began to reassemble, and she sighed. “Come, my Lord. Time to prove your consistency once more.”

Anthony sighed but allowed her to drag him back their seats. His only comfort was her hand in his, hidden in the folds of her dress, and the fact that it remained there for the rest of the night.

~.~

Kate found herself breaking her fast at Hasting House the next morning. Her presence had been requested by the Duchess, who was interested in beginning the planning for her ball.

“My hope is that we will be able to repurpose it as your engagement ball.” She told Kate bluntly. “But for the moment, we will continue as if it is just a regular Season’s ball.”

“Thank you.” Kate replied sarcastically, but Daphne just ignored her.

“Now,” she continued, efficient as ever, “I confess I know little of Indian culture, but I would like to include it in the theme. What would be most important?”

“Red.” Kate told her instantly. “Our brides wear red. And fire is a very important part of our marriage ceremonies.”

“What about flowers?”

“Jasmine.” She was suddenly in the memory of the last wedding she had attended. “Roses. Marigolds, usually in yellow and orange. That was one of the things I found most odd when I arrived in England. Everything was so vibrant at home that it made this country seem pale in comparison, even your flowers. You must never tell your brother, but as much as I love the scent of lilies, I have loved the tulips he has given me the most. They were the first true color I had seen in months.”

“Will you wear red when you marry?” the other woman asked curiously. “And perhaps you could have a bouquet of tulips!”

“I would like to wear red.” Kate admitted. “My mother wore the most beautiful sari at her wedding. I used to dream of being married in it.”

“Did you bring it with you?”

Kate shook her head.

“It was sold to fund our trip here.” She told her. “But I do have the bangles she wore, so I will have at least one piece of her with me that day.”

Daphne reached over and took her hand, holding it tightly in comfort.

“I am sure your mother would be so proud of you.” She told her softly. “Even as I missed my father on my wedding day, I knew he would have been happy for me, that I had found love. I am sure your mother and father would feel the same.”

“Thank you.” Kate said. “And thank you for being so welcoming.”

“Of course.” Daphne smiled brightly. “Most of us like you better than Anthony anyway. We couldn’t figure out a way to trade you, so we figured convincing you to marry him was the next best thing.”

“What would you have done if I hated him?” she asked, amusement clear in her voice.

“Tried to convince you to marry Benedict.” The Duchess replied easily. “If all else failed, I am sure Gregory would have volunteered if you were willing to wait a few years. He has a beautifully doomed infatuation with you.”

“He is a dear sweet boy, but I believe five years might change his opinion.” Kate said, laughing.

“Oh, do not tell him that!” Daphne exclaimed, joining her laughter. “You will crush him!”

“Well, we cannot have that.” She agreed. “I suppose I will just have to marry Anthony and find him the perfect young lady to replace me in his affections.”

“I would be prepared for trials.” The eldest Bridgerton daughter said. “All evidence so far seems to indicate that we Bridgertons are not inclined to easy courtships.”

Kate just laughed.

~.~

She spent a lovely morning with the Duchess of Hastings but returned to Danbury House to find it in uproar. She quickly made her way through the grumbling suitors exiting the house to the parlor where she found Lord Morrison still kneeling in front of a beaming Edwina.

“Isn’t it wonderful, Didi?” she exclaimed. “The Earl and I are to be married!”

It was going to be a long day.

#Bridgerton #Bridgerton season 2 #Anthony Bridgerton #Kate Sharma #Kathani Sharma #Anthony x Kate #Kate x Anthony #Kanthony #Best Laid Plans

6 notes · View notes

harmcityherald · 10 months

Text

my mood tonight is so shit. Im sure not feeling good contributes. I ate nothing today. coffee and cigars. go ahead and say it, I deserve what I get. I can not afford to have an episode while my artemesia is sick too. I see the improvement in her after that 2 day course of ivermectin so thats absolutely fabulous. but theres no room right now as caregiver to go off the bend in my now infamous episodes. sometimes I feel like Paul Atreides and his uncontrollable visions. I have no control when they come when they go, or what they mean in the larger sense of my broken consciousness. At least the Improvement of not having hallucinations is a gift from whatever the universe may be. But of course I still carry that stigma within the family and if I say something out of the way or demonstrate some excessive Behavior I get that look which says are you going crazy again, are you in one of your episodes? Which I wholly understand and do not resent in any way I imagine if I was on the receiving end I would feel exactly the same way. So truth be told I have never actually talked to anyone seriously on the nature of the things that actually do trigger me and cause me to go into these episodes which they have labeled psychotic, which is a wonderful thing to show up on your medical records because each doctor has a oh your psychotic I see I guess I shouldn't have to listen to your complaints and diagnosis with any real interest. They wipe you right off. Even I myself could not fully explain to you in a thousand words or less what it is that is actually wrong with me. Many other people go through the simple little traumas that I went through and they didn't turn out half as bad as me. Of course some of them turned out to be serial killers. That doesn't mean that I have to. We control our own destiny and we have our own choices. But in some kind of morbid way I understand the emptiness in the chest and the emotions so strong like a tumultuous storm and Visions flashing before your eyes until you feel like you're not even a part of the human race anymore you somehow transcended them into what I like to call Super species. It says if you could walk through a crowded room and be able to pick out the other super species entities like yourself as if you can see each other over top of the heads of all the regular neurotypical party goers. Yes we are The Crazy Ones. The Quiet Ones. The artists, the musicians, the sculptors and even some of the scientists and more likely than not one of the serving help bringing you your gin on the rocks. Super species usually existing in every employ and Walk of Life. I fell in love and married one. What else was I supposed to do? Marry a neurotypical who can't even begin to discuss the sociological problems facing our modern society and keep up with me on my astrophysical been on everything I see in the night sky. Someone who our main argument for years running now is weather eto demerzell IS R. Deneel Otivlaw in disguise. You know she's a keeper right ther

Maybe these are delusions of grandeur. Because I know there's no way of course that I am better than anyone else. But really I think it is a good way to spot the people who are, as so many hate to say, woke. If being woke means seeing systemic racism what it is, and seeing homophobia as the disease that it is, or seeing how we as the simple workers in this wage driven slavery economy are trampled upon by the bankers and glorified railroad barons of the present day, to see the military power of this country as the devastating, colonizing force of Empire being internationally forced or coerced into communities and societies around the world. The American flag has become a symbol of Terror. So you're absolutely God damn right I'm woke. Only people filled with deceit and have more greed in their bloodstream than human compassion don't know what woke is or vehemently fight anything called woke. As I myself protest against our crumbling society I must always remember that I am a product of this dystopia and perhaps only by sheer luck I was born privileged. white boy heaven. Im as sorry for that as I can be. I remember my fist message of this was in 5th grade. I was going to lakeland and in home economics sitting across from me was this beautiful, charming wonderful girl. I really liked her and we started passing notes. home ec was right before lunch where I sat with the white boy clique. I decided to open the letter, no one was paying any mind so I gingerly unwrapped it and began to read it. she was just lovely. I loved her long sexy hair and her perfectly aquiline facial features with gorgeous full red inviting lips Valerie was incredible but I was young and stupid. I never had a black girlfriend and the exotic nature of her whole being was calling to me. I was in love with Valerie and her newest letter was her expressing her love for me.

enter David motherfucking Mckommas. My supposed best friend who felt the freedom to read my letter over my shoulder, then snatching it and standing up saying "ValErie lOves gReg" like a fucking kindergartener. I tried to get it back but the whole table plays keep away and proceeds to read out Valerie's words. she was sat three tables away. she looked at me with saddest eyes I've ever seen. we were both crying. Valerie ran. She never believed that I had not given over the letter on purpose. She never spoke to me again.

I beat mckommas's ass good and a few others from the incident. it didn't make me feel any better. I carried a flame for Valerie all my life. the episode makes my stomach turn. due to my failure to act sooner. my guilt.

my powerlessness. my fear to stand up to the crowd. my privilege. I had no friends after that. friends are a liability.

where ever you are Valerie, I am sorry and I love you.

0 notes

passingdaysthings · 2 years

Text

8.09.2022 - Complicated Feelings

Today is Tuesday.

I am writing this super early in the morning because I just couldn’t fall asleep. I woke up after sleeping for about 2 hours, but it seems like I have a lot on my mind. Before I address those complicated feelings, I would like to give a quick update:

1. I am now a student at the University of Denver, and I will be pursuing a Masters of Science in Data Science. Classes will be starting Sept. 12.

2. I have a job, but it’s more of a for fun one and allows me to have extra spending money.

Back to what this post is really about. I broke up with my boyfriend of 5.5 years at the beginning of May this year because I felt like our relationship had become very one-sided, and I was putting in all the effort to maintain it. I also felt that he didn’t “love” me the way he use to, and that realization came with a new friend I had made online. My ex and I met in college when I was 20 and he was 21, and we were both relatively new to dating. I really enjoyed our relationship, and I have no regrets dating my ex. I broke up with him, but we did it on amicable terms. I think that he just didn’t know that he was losing interest in our relationship. Another big factor that contribute to our break-up was the fact that we were in a long distance relationship between the US and Hong Kong so COVID really lessened the time that we saw each other and talked. There was also the fact that I was focused on getting higher education, and he had a demanding full-time job. There were other cracks too like he wouldn’t call or message me, he wouldn’t tell me what he was up to, and he would spend time playing games rather than talking to me, but tell me he is busy. He was also saying things that made it clear he was done with our relationship, but he just didn’t know it. We also had a lot of arguments about his inattentiveness, and it just didn’t change so I chose to end it.

Now that I have added some context, I will circle back to how my online friend helped me realize that it was time to end my relationship and move on. This is the start of my complicated feelings. I met this friend around Oct of 2021 through a video game, and we were just gaming friends. I’ve never met him in real life, and we did not talk much one on one until around April of 2022. We spent a lot of time talking about a lot of random things outside of gaming once we started talking, but it was all friendly. We even talked about our romantic relationships, but I did not tell him about all the issues I was having in my own relationship at the time. He made me realize simply that if someone wanted to talk to me then they would. I have never met this online friend in real life, but he would talk to me everyday about the most random things which I really enjoyed. I think it was really enjoyable because we had a lot in common, and this realization really put a nail in the coffin for my relationship with my ex. I did not enjoy talking to my ex nearly as much as this friend, and I felt like I only wanted attention from him because he had the title of “my boyfriend”. That’s when I decided I should just end it because I was only holding onto our 5 years together and memories, but it wasn’t the same anymore.

On to the next order of business, and why I am probably awake after only 2 hours of sleep. My online friend for the first time since April has ignored me for a whole day, and yes, it is weird. We have talked everyday since April, but we barely exchanged 10 words today. This isn’t exactly something that happened suddenly though. Last night, I had called him after gaming because he had been a dick to me randomly for the past few days, and I wasn’t really happy about it. He told me that he had a lot going on since he had gotten COVID and his brother got shot in the face during a road rage incident. He apologized and told me that he didn’t really know how to process everything and that he didn’t mean to make me upset or take it out on me. I knew about the incident with his brother prior to me calling him out though, and we had spent all his COVID quarantine together playing games and watching anime and Korean dramas together. I enjoyed our time so much that I actually hadn’t played many games with my irl friends. He also told me that he would most likely distance himself from me simply because that’s how he is. He didn’t know how to handle everything and just kept apologizing to me even though I reassured him that I was only trying to understand why he was lashing out randomly.

Here is more background information on my relationship with my online friend and things that we do together that will make the complication more understandable. We both acknowledge each other as best friends, and I believe that I was the one who started this because I wanted to make it clear I was not interested in a relationship after my break-up. He also stated that he was not interested in a relationship after this previous ex had cheated on him so I felt like we were on the same page at the beginning. As our relationship deepened, we began to flirt (?) more, and we did more things that made us seem like a couple, and this was to the point where my little sister had asked me if something was going on between us because we spent so much time together. Some things that made my sister question our friendship, our messages (flirty ones), staying on the phone all night, sleeping on the phone together, staying up all night watching anime and dramas together, and the fact that we both acknowledged that talking to each other had become such a big part of our daily routines that it felt really weird and unusual if we didn’t talk. Note: he didn’t say much to me today after our altercation. First off, I am fucking sad that he didn’t even message me back today, but he did say some words to me while we played games. I would like to confidently say that I have a crush on him, but we have never met in-person (I know what he looks like, and we have face-called). Some issues I have with him though is that he tends to bottle issues and problems up as much as possible and push people way which he acknowledges that he does due to childhood trauma, but I am someone who values all of my friendship so I like to get to the bottom of things. I am not sure what I should do now. I don’t want to push him too hard. Do I give him time to process what happened to his brother? Do I continue to message him in support? Do I not send messages because he isn’t responding? Am I being over-bearing? I am just not sure what I can do, but I know for a fact that I am an important person to him. I think the biggest thing that really pushed me to acknowledge my feelings was a trip we had planned. I called him one night recently to just have our usual late night talk, but then we started planning a trip together because I am going to see my sorority sister soon. He was being cute and whining about how our time together would be limited due to my trip, but he was excited for me. In response to this and his suggestion for a friendship sleepover, I suggested that I just take another trip to see him for a week during my winter break, and we could hangout in-person for the first time. I did this not expecting much because he had become super anxious after getting cheated on, and he wasn’t very fond of seeing me irl or so I thought. He started by making jokes about how I should just stay for a day or half a day or even just fly over his house which I responded with “okay, maybe I just go for 3 days instead of a week”. This is where I was shocked with his response. He responded to me with a “you hate me” which he does anytime I do something he doesn’t want, and I think it’s pretty funny. I told him fine, I would stay for a full week, and he said he would take the whole week off of work and house me as well. Quick fucking change LOL. I was shocked because my offer was just another senseless cute thing to add to our conversation. I thought it would just end there, but then we talked about places to eat and hike (we both like hiking). He even suggested we take a smaller trip within this trip to go hiking and eat at a really nice restaurant. This was a place he had previously gone to with his ex so I initially rejected the idea because I’m jealous. It legit sounded so fun, BUT he did it with his ex. I told him “No, I don’t wanna go if you went with your ex”, but he responded with “No, we should go and re-write those memories”. That really got me. I did my best to act cool and accepted the idea. Like.. that is so cute.. and it sounded so fun..

To end this post, my question is now... are we just friends or does he have feelings for me too? I just don’t know what he considers things he would do with a “friend” vs a “girlfriend”. I do my best not to think too much into what he says and take them as face value, but there are some things that are hard not to read into.

-P

#dilemma

0 notes

mypalaceofpages · 2 years

Text

city of bones by cassandra clare - book review of what i’ve read so far

I might have an unhealthy obsession... with Jamie Campbell Bower, so I did buy this book off of good old thriftbooks.com. I thought the synopsis was interesting as well. I’ve read about 6 chapters so far and here’s what I think.

Alright. Well. Um. Okay. The writing is alright? No. It’s bad, I’m sorry. I hate to say this, but there are times when it is confusing, hard to read, and just doesn’t make sense. I had to go back and reread the same page three times and I was only on the first chapter.

BUT THERE’S STILL HOPE. I decided to trudge on, you know what I found? Jace Wayland. He’s the reason I’m still reading. I usual take caution with fantasy books because of how confusing they can get, but there are parts of this story that are actually pretty cool. Though, the descriptions aren’t always well-written.

And for the dialogue. My gosh. I have never cringed harder at words on a page. I understand that the author is trying to give insight as to how this whole Shadowhunters thing goes down, but no one talks to each other like that.

“He means other demons... You know what demons are, don’t you?”

Shoot me now, I’m sorry, but what? This boy was literally talking to a demon that he knew was a demon. It’s almost as if our Shadowhunters know that Clary is in the storage closet with them. This happens over and over again in the dialogue. Dialogue that would not happen in real life because why are you repeating things that everyone in the conversation already knows?

And apparently this storage room/closet is a really big room and not a... closet. That was the part I had to go back and read a million times because I could not wrap my head around the fact that they somehow couldn’t see her. Or hear her walk in? Lack of description. She seems like the clumsy type.

ON TO CLARY. Goodness gracious. I—well—how do I even start this. Interestingly enough, I thought our girl was better than your typical, basic y/n you can find in almost every Wattpad story, but no. She’s your typical, basic y/n. She’s “ugly” because she’s short with a face full of freckles. Am I supposed to feel sorry for you? Also, the way she treats her mom is so... white? Yes, white. Very white. I understand the argument between the two of them, but blowing off her calls? Who do you think you are at fifteen?

Actually, a lot about this book is white. I could tell the author was white. When I read “curvy black girl” and “maple-syrup skin” I was about ready to throw this book out the window. Very ready. Still ready.

I’m really liking Simon right now. Dude never fails to make me laugh. I was cracking up when what’s-his-name didn’t expect Simon barge through the doors and yelled, “Jesus!” to which Simon says, “Actually, it’s just me. Although, I’ve been told the resemblance is startling.”

But when he asked her how she wanted her coffee and Clary said, “Black. Like my soul.” I was about ready to throw up.

It’s obvious, not to mention cliché, that he’s the jealous best friend who secretly has a crush on Y/n—I mean Clary—but Clary can’t see that cause she could never expect anyone to see her in a romantic way because she’s so plain and different and boring. Not exactly looking forward to Simon’s reaction after Clary and Jace get together.

Oh God. Clary and Jace get together. And then they... and then... you know what, I’m gonna pretend I don’t already know that part.

Do I like Clary so far? I can’t say I do. And if Jace would stop lecturing people every FIVE FREAKING SECONDS I would really like him too. I’m a sucker for a good enemies-to-lovers trope, so if I trudge on, I might end up liking it? Slim chance. I’ll read it because I’m imagining Jace as JCB though.

Also, the quotes at the beginning are so unnecessary to me. This book is targeted towards young teens who have no idea what any of that even means. Adds to the pretentiousness of the book. There is a lot of that here.

I don’t know. I really... just don’t know.

#jacewayland #clary fray #cityofbones #cassandraclare #bookreview

1 note · View note

thesolferino · 3 years

Text

Favor

⤷ dream x f!reader.

⤷ genre: angst, fluff

⤷ word count: 8.4k

⤷ requested: yes, by this lovely anon!

— summary: dream asks you to pretend to be his girlfriend for a day. things only seem to go downhill from there.

It started as a favor.

On a quiet night in your apartment when you stared at your phone for way longer than your eyes could physically take and rolled around on the bed, talking to one of your best internet friends, Dream, he asked you for a favor. His voice was muffled through the mic on his phone, the one connected to his computer way cleaner, but neither of you could bother getting off FaceTime and call on Discord instead - yet you still heard him loud and clear, because you burst out laughing right after.

“What the hell did you just say?” you laughed, turning on your stomach and opening the call, now entirely focused on the timer that counted every second you spent talking to him instead of your Twitter timeline.

“It’s embarrassing, don’t make me repeat it!” And for that sole reason, you wanted him to repeat it, loud and clear.

“Is this why you were so insistent on me coming down to Florida? So I could pretend to be your girlfriend at your cousin’s wedding so your family doesn’t think you’re a loser?” you laughed, finding the situation entirely absurd as he sputtered, words mashing together, trying to defend himself.

“No! No, I wanted you to come here because we’re friends and I-I wanna meet you, this is just a… benefit, of sorts.” he replied, and you couldn’t help but laugh even harder at his poor attempt of trying to save face.

“Alright, I’ll bite.” you chuckle. “What’s in it for me?”

“Whatever you want.” he responded, much too quick. Your eyebrows raised.

“Whatever I want?” you parroted.

“Yes.” he confirmed. “I’ll buy you something, if you want; I’ll even pay you-”

“Pay me?! I’m not a whore, Dream!”

“That is not AT ALL what I was saying!” he cut in, yelling as you burst into a new fit of laughter. “It’s just… I sort of already told them I have a girlfriend and I was just hoping you’d say yes ‘cause it’s gonna be very awkward if I show up without the girlfriend in question.”

You put your head in your hands and he sort of dryly laughed at himself when he heard your palm hit your forehead. “What is wrong with you, man?”

“Listen, it’s not gonna be so bad! Just stay by my side for a bit, look pretty, we’ll get some drinks, and then dip. That’s it, I promise.” he reasoned.

“And here I thought we were gonna make out in front of everyone. What’s a fake relationship if we don’t make a show out of it?” you sarcastically snickered, and could practically see his eyeroll from miles away.

“If that’s what you want, then we’ll do it, by all means.” he replied and you laughed, shaking your head in mild disbelief.

“Alright, well, if you already told them, I don’t have much of a choice, do I?” you huffed, pretending to be way more bummed out about it than you really were. “I’ll do it.”

“Thank you so much, oh my God.” he replied and you chuckled at the sheer relief in his voice.

A few seconds of silence pass. “What’s the catch?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“How do you want me to publicly embarrass myself in exchange for this favor?”

“Personally, I think that forcing you to tweet that tweet about pissing yourself in bed again and also tweeting that everyone should subscribe to me isn’t “publicly embarrassing” at all.”

“Maybe I should’ve picked a different fake girlfriend.”

“Sucks to suck, pissbaby.”

The weeks leading up to your meetup felt like years, with every treacherous minute of you two talking over muffled mics and shitty webcams feeling longer than it should, your empty apartment feeling emptier and emptier by the day. Was it even possible to miss a person you hadn’t even met yet?

It turns out that it very much was, because as soon as the painfully long weeks were up and you were finally metres away from him, you jumped in his arms like a woman finally seeing her soldier husband after the war, standing on your tiptoes while he bent down the best he could to hug you back. His chest rumbled with a warm laugh when you turned your head ever so slightly towards his ear.

“Hello, boyfriend.” And just like that, the warm turned into a groan of faux annoyance while you burst into laughter and he pulled away, scanning your face with an equally annoyed look.

“I should’ve never asked you for that. You’re never letting it go, are you?” Yeah, you were kind of annoying with the amount of corny boyfriend jokes you threw his way - you had to give him that. But then again, he crafted his own fate and now he must accept the consequences.

“Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realise your majesty wasn’t appreciating the work I’m doing! I just won’t show up at that wedding, how about that?” you bit back, voice dripping with sarcasm.

“You’re such an idiot.” he laughed. “Give me those bags.”

A blissful week had passed, and he hadn’t pissed you off in real life nearly as much as you thought he would. It took a bit of getting used to to his family calling him Clay instead of his beloved internet username, and you did get a couple of suggestive looks from his mother the first few times she visited - you had a couple of “eye conversations” in which she never exactly asked if you were his girlfriend, and you never exactly denied it, but you knew both of you felt the weight of the unspoken words yet you had to keep everything secret and ambiguous. Or at least you thought you did, before he revealed to you that he told his mom the two of you were dating already. Seems like the glances were knowing and not questioning. Maybe you weren’t as good at eye conversation as previously thought.

Living with him was fine, mostly because he had godly air conditioning and a house that was probably way too big for him, and also a very cute cat that followed you everywhere and made living with a man for a full two weeks way more bearable. Finding out that he can’t cook was one of the most bizarre revelations about him that you’d had in the years of your friendship, and you demanded he watched as you made chicken wraps. You complained about how he was 21 and couldn’t cook for himself, he complained about how it’s 2021 and he can just order from Chipotle or something, dude.

A week of goofing around and trying to hide the fact the two of you temporarily lived together from the internet had passed quicker than it should’ve, and for the first time in seven days, Netflix was turned off and the two of you were dressing up for the wedding, ready to set off with his parents and younger sister. He spent ages trying to convince you to match with him, which was quite literally impossible because he wore a black suit and you brought a red dress, which resulted in the two of you roaming around a local mall at 10 am, half asleep, looking for a reasonably formal black dress, because of course Dream always got his way.

An hour of arguing and your fashion tastes clashing later, you picked an off shoulder black dress with a high slit, along with a pair of pumps, both of which you forced him to pay for, and went back home, ready to glam both of you up as much as humanly possible because you were not ready to let him show up in some horrendous pair of shoes and claim to be your boyfriend.

“Is this okay?” you questioned, turning from the mirror to face him and let him be the judge of your shimmery black and white eyelids, spending way too much time on a makeup look for a wedding of someone whose name you didn’t even know. He blinked at you as his judging gaze washed over you like a wave, scanning you up and down while you nervously cocked your head, leg tapping in faux impatient annoyance to cover up the fact that you felt like prey under his eyes.

“It’s… yeah, it is. You look good.” Dream confirmed, nodding his head at you in a movement that was way too quick and snappy and you turn back to the mirror with a huff, watching him stare right back at you.

“Too much, right? I should try something else.” You say, grabbing your makeup remover wipes, but he cuts in before you can even wipe a single smudge.

“No, no, it looks good, I promise. Really good. Don’t touch it.” Something way too sincere in his voice makes the air tense, more tense than usual, but you drop it, deciding to just take the compliment with a tight lipped smile.

“Okay. You ready?” you ask, and he nods, nervously straightening out his suit before looking back at you with an anxious grin.

“Yeah, I think so. Do I look fine?”

He did. He looked more than fine. You’d never seen him actually dress up for something and put proper care into his looks - he was practically forced into doing it by you this time as well - so seeing him in an actual black suit, all formal and expensive looking, messy dirty blond hair properly combed for the first time in ages, made you gulp and look away. You sort of never understood the argument that women and men can’t be friends because you were never attracted to one of your male friends, ever. Dream was born to be an exception to every rule, it seemed.

Realising that you abruptly looked away, you attempted to awkwardly clear your throat and smile at him.

“Yeah, you do. Let’s go.”

During the ride there, his mother seemed to finally explode and the words that have clearly wanted to pour out of her mouth for ages finally came out. You supposed it was better for the poor woman, and did your best to suppress a laugh when Dream dramatically sighed and leaned against the window when she nosily spoke up.

“So… since when have you and Clay been together? He’s told us absolutely nothing!” She spoke up from the passenger seat, shifting to look at you, excited smile plastered on her face and you politely smiled back, mentally noting that you’d have to bully the shit out of him for acting like his mom is embarrassing him in front of his 8th grade crush.

“Ah, we’ve been friends for a long while, but we only started dating a month or so ago, because it’s hard doing long distance and all that.” you said, hoping it would sound believable enough because the two of you rehearsed this a few days ago, writing out a whole backstory from how you started dating to what exact words he used when he asked you out. There were a couple of arguments here and there, such as the fact you refused to say you confessed you’ve been in love with him for years and he refused to say he admitted he’s been your “bottom bitch” for 3 years but in the end, you somehow managed to agree on a cohesive timeline of events.

“Oh, does that mean you’re going to move here?” she questioned, and that one didn’t surprise you either, Dream having prepared a full list of answers to questions that people might ask in your notes app. He was a perfectionist to the point it got on your nerves, but that had its own perks.

“No, but I’ll definitely visit more often, and if it goes well, I might as well move here.” you smiled back at her and she nodded, going back to staring through the windshield. You and Dream exchange a relieved glance that you hope his younger sister doesn’t notice.

“Let me tell you, I was waiting for you two to get together! He always talked about you, I was getting tired of him, you know that?” she giggled and you widened your eyes at Dream who, snapping out of somewhat of a daze, immediately jumped to protest, light blush adorning his pale cheeks.

“No, I didn’t! I did not, mom, don’t lie to her.” he argued while all she did was laugh.

“Oh come on, it’s not embarrassing now that you’re together!” she kept going, and his younger sister joined in, to make it even worse.

“Yeah, you do talk about her a lot, not gonna lie.” she spoke up and his cold glare directed her way told you everything you needed to know, hanging on by a thread not to burst out laughing. He refused to even look your way, turning back to the window as his cheeks started heating up. You couldn’t help but let out at least a bit of a giggle, placing your hand on his arm in fake comfort.

“It’s okay, you can admit it now.” your tone borderlined on mocking and he knew you’d make fun of him for days to come so he stayed silent while the rest of the car burst into laughter.

The wedding was truly beautifully set up, set in a hotel wedding venue, walls painted in pure innocent white with hints of gold here and there, and you nudged Dream as the two of you observed in awe, asking what sort of money the groom had to be able to afford this sort of expensive venue. Nudging him proved to be way easier now, because you linked arms - you originally made fun of him for suggesting to walk like that instead of holding hands like normal people, telling him you’d look like you were at your high school prom, but he persisted, and you didn’t end up looking as goofy as you thought.

“He’s a doctor or something, pretty sure.” he replied, quick feet trudging down the long hallways, your own struggling to keep up with him, especially in your heels. He seemed to be in a rush to sit and get it over with as soon as possible so he could avoid any nosy family members, but bad luck followed him everywhere, it seems, because as soon as you two entered the place where the bride and groom would unite, at least three different pairs of eyes locked on you, and you immediately saw a fairly elderly woman get up with open arms, staring at Dream with a grin on her face. You saw him immediately tense up, and almost laughed right then and there.

“There’s my boy! Oh, you’ve grown so much, come here!” The woman looked to be in her fifties and Dream let go of your arm to nervously laugh and fall into her hug, the two rocking from side to side as she kept going on about how it seemed that he grew taller and taller every time she saw him.

When the two pulled away, her eyes fixed on you, judgingly scanning from head to toe and you suddenly realised why Dream tensed up the way he did - old white women sure had a way to make you anxious. Thankfully, he stepped in.

“Aunt Bessie, this is Y/N, my girlfriend. Y/N, this is aunt Bessie, my mom’s older sister.” he generously offered the explanation you were so obviously lacking and you grinned, as if that information helped you in any way, and stuck out your hand in an offer of a handshake. However, she seemed to have different plans, because as soon as she heard the words “my girlfriend” her face lit up as if she won the lottery and her lips stretched into a smile, opening her arms for you the same way she did for him.

“Oh my God, you finally got a girlfriend? Come here!” she said, shaking her head at your outstretched hand and gesturing you to return the hug which you quite hesitantly did, politely laughing as she hugged you tighter than you’d deem appropriate. Dream came from a family of huggers - that much was apparent from him, you guess, but you weren’t exactly prepared for this.

Aunt Bessie seemed to be way louder and screechier than expected, because the word “girlfriend” boomed through the room and off the snowy walls, and at least five other family members of his turned around to check who the lucky fellow that finally got a girlfriend was. Another one of his aunts seemed to notice the commotion and suddenly, another older woman with shoulder length, dyed blonde hair, along with her two younger kids, was hurling at you as well.

“I always complained to him that it was about time he got a girlfriend! He’s a fine young man, no wonder you picked him, honey.” Aunt Bessie shot you a knowing look and you closed your mouth in a tight lipped smile in a feverish attempt to keep down the laugh that threatened to escape you.

“Oh yeah, he definitely is.” you giggled, looking up at Dream again who looked like he wanted the earth below his feet to open and swallow him whole. Before you could nudge him in the ribs and tease him for hours to come, the other aunt suddenly spoke up.

“Clay! Oh my gosh, is that you?” she exclaimed, shocked grin on her face, and you briefly wondered if Dream ever even visited his family. He nervously smiled, obviously not really sure who this woman even is, but he hugged her back anyway, clearly walking the line between ‘happy to see his family’ and ‘insanely uncomfortable’.

“I haven’t seen you in so long, your dad hasn’t visited since we moved to Toronto! Look at how tall you are, you’re taller than my husband now! You used to be so tiny, whatever happened to you?” Upon hearing the word Toronto he seemed to realise who he was talking to as his eyes softened, and you wondered if he really was so expressive or you could just read him that well.

“I grew up, I guess.” He awkwardly laughed and she laughed harder than she should’ve before turning to you.

“Oh, and who is this?” She said, gaze periodically switching between him and you, a knowing smile on her face which told you she definitely knew who you were.

“Ah, this is my girlfriend, Y/N. Y/N, this is… my dad’s cousin, Mabel.” He introduced, large hand landing on your back, and you felt like you were experiencing déjà vu at the way her face lit up at the mention of a girlfriend.

“Wow, it’s so nice to meet you, Y/N!” She said, energetically shaking your hand, before turning back to Dream. “You never told us you got a girlfriend! You’re finally planning on settling down, huh?”

Your head snapped in his direction at the speed of light when she mentioned settling down, and you could see him tense up as well as he nervously laughed.

“Yeah, we haven’t visited in a while, so nobody from the family really knew. And, uh… we haven’t really thought of that yet, we’re taking it slow and everything.” He said and you were almost in awe at how good he was at bullshitting. The woman did nothing but laugh.

“Ah, don’t lie to me, I see the way you two look at each other! It’s your wedding we’ll be attending next!” She winked, and just as Dream got ready to fake laugh once again, her family called her over and she excused herself, walking off.

The two of you hurried to your seats as well, sitting down next to his younger sister.

“Your family is insane, man, holy shit.” You laughed in disbelief, staring at him as he shook his head, clearly as distressed as you were.

“Literally nobody in this family gives a single fuck if I’m single or not except the old aunties. And I seem to have a shit ton of those.” He muttered under his breath. “The way you look at each other - I literally didn’t even look at you properly that whole time!”

You cackled at that one, hitting his arm. “She’s right, Clay. You’re one fine young man, eh?” You nudged him as he groaned in embarrassment, only turning your way to glare at you.

You didn’t get to tease him for much longer, though, because the organ started playing and the bridesmaids and groomsmen lined up, the groom standing at his designated place. The bride walked in, arms locked with her father, thin white veil covering her face as she walked down the aisle, looking angelic in her puffy wedding gown. Silky brown hair fell down her shoulders, curled towards the ends, and you could see the hint of blood red lipstick beneath the veil. She looked beautiful - the groom seemed to think so as well, because you could see him tapping the corner of his eye lightly, wiping any stray tears.

She finally made it to the end and stepped to face her soon-to-be husband as her father moved away, sitting back in his chair. The wedding officiant stepped up, and held a speech much longer than it should be, which just led you to zone out.

One day you’d be beneath that veil, wouldn’t you? One day, you’ll face your fiancé the same way she is, and you’ll let your hearts link with a string that nobody but the two of you could snap. Who would that be, though? Who could you even trust with your heart in their hands? And you’re not aware of how and why and when, but your eyes shot up at Dream, whose eyes also glinted in that way where you knew he wasn’t paying attention, and maybe he was thinking about the same thing as you. Maybe one day, you’ll be attending his wedding, forcing one of your friends to play a fake boyfriend as he wipes his tears, waiting for his bride to get to him.

It was disheartening, the thought of being a bystander while he locks lips with somebody else. You supposed you just liked being the center of attention, so you let yourself pretend you were his bride in your daydreams. Separating daydreams from rational thoughts was mandatory, because you weren’t sure how you’d explain to yourself that you can’t stand seeing Dream marry someone else.

Dream, the infamous hopeless romantic, still seemed out of it, maybe even a little emotional, despite not being that close with either of the two. He was probably thinking about his own wedding as well, thinking about his future, the face he’d see when he pulled back the veil.

Just then, his eyes darted to yours, and you realised you were caught staring, snapping your head back to the couple that started reading their vows by now. You started going red from the neck up, cheeks on fire as you could feel his gaze burning into you. He turned back after a few seconds, though, probably assuming you stared at him because you were bored, and neither of you spoke, even though you kind of wish you did. What even is there to say, though?

By the time you snapped back, the “I do”s were already being said, and her veil was getting lifted, showing her beauty to everyone present, and as they kissed the whole room bursted into cheers and applause in support of the newlyweds. The two exit, teary eyed, their parents follow close behind, and that’s when Dream’s family rushes both of you to your feet, following the two into the reception hall where the actual party would take place.

From then on, the wedding is the same as any other. The two have their first dance, they give a welcoming speech, and Dream lets you stuff your face with cake and repeatedly refills your wine glass as repayment for dragging you into this whole thing. At some point, he stretches his hand out to you and asks for a dance like a rom-com main character, and you’re not sure exactly why he did that because he’s mostly terrible at dancing, but you had fun letting him twirl you until you got dizzy anyway.

You also realised just how much he did actually need a fake girlfriend, because it seemed like every twenty minutes some sort of relative of his would walk up to the two of you and congratulate him on “finally getting a girlfriend”. You ended up bullying him for that as well, wondering just how long he’s been single for if they’re all this surprised that he’s got a girlfriend, to which he just downed the glass of water he’d been sipping for half an hour and asked you about the weather.

His family took a few pictures with the new couple - you even got to speak to the bride at some point, congratulating her and wishing the two of them well, but in the span of a few hours, the wedding was over and the newlyweds made a great exit, signifying the end of the party. The two of you were driven home by his parents, and you waved them goodbye as you stumbled to the front door, your heels insanely uncomfortable and the red wine in your stomach weighing down on you; you just wanted to get out of this dress and into a pair of pajamas and pass out on his couch in the living room.

That’s sort of exactly what you did - you half-assed taking your makeup off, wiping down your face a couple of times, deciding that was enough before changing into some worn pajamas and plopping down on the couch next to Dream who already claimed his place and sunk into the cushion while a random movie played on the TV. The two of you basked in the comfortable silence that surrounded you, the exhausted, tired type. You both appreciated the quiet and fell asleep sitting next to each other, wedding already forgotten.

That night, he went from Dream to Clay.

The departure was bittersweet. You left two days after that, your hug at the airport tight, warm, filled with a sugary sweet feeling you couldn’t quite place and sour acid that ate away at you because you didn’t want to leave in the slightest. His arms were warm, inviting, whispering for you to stay but you left anyway, waving him goodbye, setting off to home.

It seemed like all your problems came and went with him, because a week later, at 3 in the morning while you were up editing a video, you got an all caps message on your Discord from Sapnap.

“YOU’RE DATING DREAM?”

You blinked at your computer screen, white letters blinding you in the dark, brain trying to keep up with why he even thought that. Within 10 seconds, another message, this time from Dream.

“so i told george and sapnap that we’re dating”

“don’t kill me pls”

Yeah, you weren’t going to kill him, per se, but he definitely made your life a lot harder than it should be. You opened Discord, Premiere Pro and the unedited video abandoned, typing back to Clay quickly.

“WHY”

He responded immediately, as one panicked man does.

“they’ve been making fun of me for being single for ages now :(“

“we already did this fake dating thing before and it went perfectly fine”

“just play along for a month or so”

“pls”

You audibly sighed. And as if he could hear you, he started typing again.

“i’ll promote you on my channel more”

“just pls do it”

“you love me, right”

Another sigh fell from your lips before you could stop it. Of course you did, because if you didn’t, there’s no way you would be playing into this. You typed back.

“fine”

He messaged back immediately.

“THANK YOU”

“LOVE YOU <333”

With a shake of your head, you mumbled “idiot” with the ghost of a smile flashing on your face, switching back to your video, opting to ignore Sapnap for a little bit. He could wait.

Fake dating seemed pretty damn easy during the first week - you thought you were killing it by sending corny tweets and staged selfies so he could screenshot them and send them to the groupchat, giggling on call about how oblivious they are and how you’re fooling them so good, both of you opting to ignore the parts where they claimed they knew the two of you were gonna get together eventually. It was fun, lighthearted, and an excuse to flirt with someone you had nothing official with.

As much as all your problems came and went with Clay, though, they came and went with his friends as well, especially that hopeless man Clay called his best friend.

Because yeah, of course Sapnap was the one to accidentally spill to the public that the two of you were “dating”.

George was streaming at what was apparently a normal time in the UK, not so much for Florida, and Clay was sleeping while you were watching his stream while making some food for yourself. It was going fine, a bit of a chill stream, and you leaned against the fridge as your oven preheated, tired eyes following his Minecraft skin.

“Sophie, thank you for the dono! ‘Hey George, I love your videos, just wanted to ask if you were speedrunning with Dream today?’” he read out, and you could faintly hear Sapnap join the stream through your headphones.

“No I’m not, Dream’s… I don’t know what Dream’s doing right now, actually. He’s not responding to me, though. Probably talking to his girlfriend still.” he continued, exaggerating the last part mockingly, still playing into the whiny role of being upset that Clay was ditching the two of them for you. That majorly woke you up, though, as you stood straight on your feet immediately, because oh no, nobody was supposed to know.

You exited out of the Twitch app quickly, letting the stream play in the background as you tried to fish for Sapnap’s profile on Discord and text him as quick as possible, trying to warn him to not let anybody know, but before you could do it, you heard his laughter clear in the stream.

“Yeah, Y/N, his sweetie poo.” Sapnap said, causing George to laugh even louder, before moving onto the next topic, and your heartbeat picked up an insane amount, nails loud and probably damaging your phone screen as you typed as quickly as humanly possible to yell at him because this was not planned, at all.

You heard him go quiet after you shot him a couple of messages over Discord (“SAPNAP” “ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID” “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU” “NOBODY KNOWS YET” “IM GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU”), type something to George who then fell quiet as well for a few seconds, pure horror on his face, and then went back to streaming as if nothing happened while Sapnap profusely apologised to you on his and George’s behalf.

No apology could fix what had already been done, though, and you were left alone with the warzone that was Twitter who had already speculated the two of you were dating long before while Clay peacefully slept somewhere in his house at 4 am in Florida. You bombarded him with messages and waited until he woke up ‘cause what were you even supposed to do?!

You chose to spend your time finishing the pizza you were originally supposed to make and almost burnt your whole apartment down because you forgot the oven was on for a whole hour while yelling at Clay’s idiotic best friends. You yelled at Sapnap, who kept apologising to you, you yelled at George, who yelled back that it’s not that big of a deal because people were bound to find out anyways, and you yelled at Clay, because he was the guilty one somehow for not being awake during your breakdown.

He did eventually wake up though, to the shitshow that were his notifications with at least thirty messages from each of you, messages from his other YouTube friends who were fairly surprised, and his entire fanbase going ham on Twitter. He was surprisingly calm about it - calmer than you were, anyways, and sheepishly said over the phone that the fake dating thing may have to go on for a little longer since you couldn’t just date for a month and then break up, and you were sort of okay with that.

And of course, the business side of him awoke at that moment, and he giddily told you about the amount of views the two of you could pull if you did the same shit you do with George and Sapnap anyway, but on livestream.

You rolled your eyes.

And then agreed anyway.

And so, the charade began.

His Twitter statement was up shortly, telling the people that you’d been dating for a couple of weeks and weren’t planning to tell anybody yet until a certain someone spilled their guts live, and the fact Dream was dating someone, let alone another popular streamer, took the internet by storm. You expected hate, and you got quite a bit of that, but the people that had shipped the two of you before were certainly more than delighted and a lot of Clay’s fans were supportive.

Now, both of you had excuses to do chill streams together and just hang out and you took the opportunity and ran with it.

You’d sit and play Geoguessr or just try and speedrun Minecraft a bunch of times for hours on end, doing stupid bits and things you’d be doing offline anyways, with a little more flirting than usual, because that’s what made it interesting.

“Oh this is France, for sure.” you claimed one night, two or three weeks after the secret was officially out, chewing on the fries you bought for this specific occasion, streaming on his alt to a few thousand people.

“You think so? It could be Belgium, too.” he responded, humming in thought as he looked around.

“I know so.” you responded.

“How?”

“I just do. Gamer intuition, babe.” you said, and he wheezed at your response, repeating the words gamer intuition under his breath.

“No, seriously. It is France, I know it is, I’ve seen so many pictures of that place I know it like the back of my hand now. That’s Lyon, or something.” you continued, plopping another french fry into your mouth.

“You have? Why do you know so much about France, that’s so random.” he responded, opening the map and pointing to France, although he keeps looking around, unsure of his decision.

“I dunno, I like it there. I wish I could move there.” you replied.

“Why, though?”

“It’s pretty and heavily romanticised! Just like me!” you joked and he laughed, before letting you continue. “I dunno, it’s the city of love. Be a little romantic.”

“The… the city of love is whatever city the two of us are in.” he said, and it took a few seconds for you to process the joke before letting out a fake disappointed sigh.

“I can’t believe I’m dating someone as corny as you.”

At that, he bursts into wheezes, and you follow along, enjoying the sound of his laughter coursing through your headphones more than you used to a few weeks back. It feels nice, feels right, acting like this. You like calling him your boyfriend more than you think you should.

A few weeks go by, and it feels all too natural. It feels too natural, talking to him first thing in the morning when you’ve barely even had your coffee, calling him pet names, throwing sweet words at each other publicly like they mean nothing. It feels all too natural, and nice, and all too right, and you don’t even notice when the two of you cross the line between public and private, and you’re stuck making stupid jokes about making out when you first see each other when there’s nobody to witness them except the walls of your rooms, but you don’t like thinking about that, because you know it’ll bring nothing but confusion. The current this that the two of you have is perfect to you, perfectly lighthearted and funny and fun, and you intend on keeping it that way, refusing to think about it in any way past jokes.

That is, until you can’t anymore.

It’s late, again, and you’re staring at his contact name on your phone screen, lazily lying on the bed. It reminds you of a night from roughly 3 months ago, when your whole friendship seemed to change in the few seconds it took you to process what he’d asked of you, and it feels weird, but nice.

“My mom really likes you, you know?” Clay breaks the quiet that you’ve learned to appreciate in his presence, and you exhale through your nose, the noise just short of a chuckle.

“Yeah?” You laugh, and he does as well.

“Yeah.” He reaffirms. “She thinks you’re a great girlfriend. Apparently I seem brighter ever since we got together.”

You laugh again. “I am a great girlfriend, to be fair. She’s totally right.”

“Well, I wouldn’t know that. If you’re as good of a girlfriend as you pretend to be, though, then you’re amazing.” He says, and words fly out of your mouth before you can stop them.

“Yeah? You wanna find out?” The flirty nature is nothing strange to the two of you, but this time it feels kinda different, it feels like you’re stepping into dangerous territory that there’s no coming back from. You feel like you’ve ruined everything, for some reason.

He laughs, like normal, though. He laughs like nothing happened at all, and you’re so, so grateful for that.

“Sure, let’s do it. You’re about to unpack the full Clay boyfriend experience.” He snickers and you laugh as well.

“That means I just unlock the dick as well as the personality.” you respond, quick as always, and the wheeze that escapes him is so loud that it makes you laugh too.

“...Unlock the dick…” he repeats through another wheeze and you nod, laughing.

“Yeah! I mean I’m literally experiencing the boyfriend experience without actually having a boyfriend, it’s fuckin’ great.” you say and he hums.

“You could have one, though.”

The implications are crazy, his words are crazy, he’s crazy and everything that he could mean and couldn’t mean by that is driving you crazy too, brain faltering and heart seeming way too big for your chest to contain it. It’s silent.

“I could, I guess.”

You choose to say, and he switches the topic naturally, like he never said anything.

Things are never the same again.

It’s not in a bad way. Sure, it is kind of a bad way for the feelings you’re trying to push down inside you, a bad way for hot nights when the unbearable heat forces you to stay up even when you don’t want to and you have no choice but to think about why you feel the way you feel as you melt into the burning sheets below you, a bad way for when he jokes about finding somebody else and you feel your stomach churning. A bad way for realising that this fake dating thing is really getting to you, but not a bad way in general.

Maybe it’s in a good way. Maybe the underlying implications whenever he makes jokes about making the relationship real are good, maybe the way he calls you in the middle of the night when he’s anxious and freaking out and defends himself by saying: “You’re my girlfriend, you’re always there for me, I just figured I could call you.” and you end up wondering if it’s possible to say jokes in such a vulnerable state or if he’s serious is good, maybe the way it’s been a few months and he won’t tell his own best friends that it was a joke the whole time is good, maybe the way you confronted him about it and he said he likes having you as his girlfriend is good.

Maybe the way the two of you are always walking the line between joking and being serious, between being friends and something more, between lies and pranks and emotional investment and fear of committing, and the way you’re always trying to push the other off, is good.

The fans love it. The fanart is incredible (serves especially well for those hot nights when you can’t fall asleep and you scroll, watching yourself fall in love with Clay in every universe, tales told by people who observe your story and find it worthy enough to retell in their own words, to take the love you pretend to have and turn it into something real), people love to gush over the compliments he sprinkles in at random times during conversation and the general flirty dynamic is loved by many, pulling in more views and attraction for you.

And you suppose that’s good too, but at some point, the good warps into bad, bad warps into terrible, and you wonder if this is all even worth the sleepless nights, wondering if he feels the same way.

Those thoughts haunt you more and more often every day. When you wake up, and text him first thing in the morning, your brain acknowledges that the camera is off - nobody’s around, people aren’t listening, so why are you still playing the role of a girlfriend and starting up a conversation with him when you haven’t even brushed your teeth properly? When you’re editing in the middle of the day and he calls to keep you company, making more stupid boyfriend jokes, your stomach flips in a weird way that makes you hate him, hate the way he can joke about these things so freely, like it doesn’t hurt him. Like it doesn’t affect him like it affects you.

But, as much as you wish you could hate him, you couldn’t bring yourself to, and that was the worst part. Because, in reality, whenever he laughed you’d smile without realising you did, whenever anything exciting happened to you he was the first one you went to, whenever you wanted to laugh or cry or sit in silence for hours or complain you always went to him, the one person who you know would listen. In reality, whenever he made a joke about giving up on the fake dating and making it real, you wished so bad that he was serious this time, that this was what it took and he’d crack and all of your suffering would end.

It eventually happens.

It’s a pretty chilly morning, birds chirp outside and the sun that slowly rises is covering the kitchen floor in a golden hue as you pour milk into your cereal with one hand and hold your phone in the other, letting Clay ramble about whatever it was this time, when he brought it up.

“So, when do you wanna come down to Florida again?” he asks casually, and you almost drop the gallon of milk in your hand.

“What?”

“I said, when are you coming down to Florida again? Last time you came was pretty fun.” he says, and an empty silence follows. There’s an unsaid “I miss you” that you don’t hear, and he’s too afraid of saying it.

“Florida wasn’t exactly on my schedule this month, man.” you say, placing your phone on the counter for a second. Clay sure knew how to surprise a person.

“Well put it down, then.” he jokes, and you hum.

“What, you got another wedding coming up?” you giggle and he groans - you never really stopped making fun of him for that wedding.

“No, I don’t. Can’t a man just miss seeing his beloved girlfriend?” It’s unbelievable how quickly dread can wash over you as soon as he makes one of those jokes. You were convinced the mix of anxiety and butterflies that appears in your stomach was gonna kill you sometime soon.

“He can, he’s just being weirdly insistent.” you argue nonetheless. “But sure, I’ll consider it.”

You do more than consider it - in a few weeks, you’re back at the airport, and falling into his arms has never given you such an adrenaline rush in your whole life. Something about having him wrapped around you, close to you, the warmth of his body radiating into yours sent you spiraling, head clouded with nothing but love and the fact that you wish you could stay there forever. You wished you could press pause and cherish the moment, let yourself bask in that feeling of pure love, pure adoration that you helplessly drowned in. But you couldn’t, and you left his arms feeling oddly empty.

Hiding the fact that you were unapologetically head over heels for him proved to be a hundred times more difficult when you were right there, next to him, talking to him, when you could just kiss him any second, feel his lips on yours and nobody would stop you - the opportunity was right there, looming over you, the devil on your shoulder taunting you, telling you to do it.

You got to wake up in the same house as him, watch his hair stick out in different directions and his raspy morning voice as he complained about the smell of your coffee, watch his eyes glint whenever he talked about something he liked and observe as he carried around Patches like a little baby. You got to experience every bit of domestic without the consequences of committing, and you wondered just how far this would go. For how much longer would the two of you blatantly ignore the fact that you were a couple that slapped the title “fake” on it because you were cowards who refused to admit what this truly was.

Not for long, apparently, because you grew tired, and decided to put an end to everything on one random Thursday night - and if he hated you forever for it, then so be it.

You were sitting on his couch, watching a random movie together, drowning in one of his Dream hoodies while you chewed the popcorn he made. It was dark outside, just past midnight, and you could see the branches of a tree swaying calmly through one of the nearby windows - the silence while he scrolled through his phone lazily was comforting too, everything was lazy and serene and it would’ve been perfect if it wasn’t for the constant anxiety that gripped you by the throat whenever you were in his close proximity, the nervousness that killed you, the upset feeling of wanting to cuddle up with him but knowing you can’t because you guys are just friends, and nothing more.

The couple on the screen kiss while a violin plays in the background - how fitting. Maybe that’s what pushes you to the edge, or maybe you were just that sick and tired.

You were exhausted, beyond exhausted. Your eyes were tired, the anxiety was morphing into annoyance and anger and you were ready to give up on it all. If this ended the friendship, at least you two had a good run. Your heart couldn’t take it anymore.

“You know, you still owe me a favor in return for pretending to be your girlfriend.” you say, and you sound gone, zoned out, more than you wish you were. You hear his phone turn off with a click.

“Yeah? What do you want?” Clay asks, and you blankly stare at the TV for a few seconds before turning to face him, eyes burning.

“Kiss me.”

It’s silent. The characters on screen are arguing. You hear the wind through one of his open windows.

“What?” he asks, voice cracking, and his expression falls. You’ve fucked it. Oh well.

“I want you to kiss me. Kiss me like you mean it. Kiss me like someone’s watching and you wanna make it believable.” you say, eyes boring into his, your words having nowhere near as much of an effect on yourself as they do on him. Your eyes sting like they’re being lit on fire, and your throat is sort of closing up, but it’s fine. “Let me have this before I go, because once I leave, I don’t wanna do this anymore, Clay. I can’t pretend like I don’t want you to introduce me as your girlfriend and fully mean it. I can’t lie to your face anymore.”

Silence. Deafening silence, once again.

“I love you.” he blurts out, and you don’t even register it at first. “I don’t want this shit to be fake either. God, I really don’t. It hasn’t been fake for a while now, at least not on my part. I’m sorry, it’s just- it was easier to keep this bit going than it was to actually admit that I’m… into you.”

And once again, the room falls into silence, much like it always does whenever the two of you share moments like these.

And then, you burst into laughter.

“So… so you mean to tell me, that both of us have liked each other this whooooole fucking time, and just refused to admit it and ‘pretended to date’ instead?” you burst into giggles, and he looks sort of hesitant to laugh, but he does anyway.

“I mean… yeah? I was waiting for you to call me out for doing all that when nobody was watching! Why did you never call me out?! Don’t blame me, I made it so damn obvious that I wanted you!” he protests, and you almost can’t believe what you’re hearing.

“Excuse me? You should’ve just fucking told me instead of making a million and one jokes about how I’m your girlfriend! We’re not in middle school, Clay!” you argue.

“Yeah, but I thought you’d catch on and talk to me about it at some point! You never called me out for anything!”

“So what, I’m supposed to just read your mind now? You’re fucking unbelievable.” you huff, crossing your arms over your chest and turning away in annoyance. As soon as a warm hand lands on your shoulder, though, the annoyance melts like wax under fire, leaving nothing behind.

“I still haven’t returned that favor, you know?” he whispers in your ear, breath fanning your neck, closer than he should be. The hairs on your neck stand up as you turn back to Clay, who wore a mischievous grin and a glint in his eyes that suggested no good.

You suppose bad can be good, sometimes.

As his lips press onto yours, that theory is proven true, because he sends a flicker of fire burning down your spine, spreading into your limbs, making your fingertips electric as you pulled him in closer, hand snaking up to grip at his hair - the everlasting grin against your own proves, once again, to be no good as his hands slip under your hoodie and grip your sides, but you think you enjoy this sort of bad.

They sneak up further, and you hear him chuckle into the kiss as your insides melt at his touch. The two of you silently agree that maybe he should ask for favors more often.

#dreamwastaken x reader #dreamwastaken imagine #dreamwastaken fluff #dreamwastaken fanfic #dreamwastaken angst #dream x reader #dream x you #dreamwastaken x y/n

2K notes · View notes

peachiipark · 2 years

Note

hi I'm a new follower and I am so glad I found this blog for hxh content💓So could I have some Main four hcs (Gon, Killua, Kurapika and Leorio) of how they have fun together as a squad(fluffy stuff plz)

happy to have you here, thanks for following! :D i've been waiting for some more main four requests 💗 i love them sm 😭🙏

the main four and how they have fun

even though it'll end in a very heated argument between killua and leorio. BOARD/CARD GAMES.

how did this tradition start? well, killua and gon were talking about the imaginary rules of uno when kurapika walked in

"i don't follow.. why are you two having a discussion about a number? leorio told me that uno is one in spanish."

they sat him down IMMEDIATELY for an uno round bc it turned out that he has NEVER played classic games like those

(he did play poker once)

THEY PLAY MONOPOLY TOO

kurapika silently robs all of them of their money and attempts to apply real life logic in this lawless hell of a game

leorio buys boardwalk but no one lands on it for the entire round 💀 he's also the banker!

killua.. is a con artist and constantly lands in jail

gon is trying to break the tension

THEY PROBABLY WATCH SOME OLD MOVIES TOO

it all started when gon revealed that he had never seen mean girls and kurapika agreed. leorio and killua sat those two mfs down and forced pop culture down their throats

shopping sprees but they all go to different stores 😭

killua goes to hot topic (listen their shit is good)

leorio goes to gucci (as he should)

kurapika craves revenge not clothing. (so he enters a barnes and noble)

gon follows killua around bc he just wants to go to the food court

nen users need to train.. how would they do it together ??

they'd be disrupting public spaces no matter where they went 😭

kurapika pulling up in the most MUTED colored tracksuit with a ponytail as he complains

"i can assure you that i'm perfectly fine. i already stretched before we arrived."

leorio (the cause of kurapika's complaining) is forcing him to stretch before he does anything so his muscles aren't damaged

"yes, and you also sat in a car for ten minutes. refresh yourself! now breathe in-"

gon and killua are doing bad bitch shit and seeing who can climb a tree faster

A POOL DAY OH MY GOD

kurapika is sitting on a pool chair reading a book the whole time bc i can't imagine him actually getting into the water unless one of the other push him in

(they don't dare push him in.. but killua will make an attempt)

gon and killua are having so much fun that it's actually sickening bc of how cute they are

leorio is just trying to keep up with those little paddling mfs

killua godspeeds in the pool

the water has been electrified

accidents.. happened! needless to say that kurapika is very happy that he didn't go into the water <3

sometimes

when they're huddling up for warmth as they watch a movie

they fall asleep and snuggle :(

ILL TELL YOU EXACTLY WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE

we've got gon and killua resting on each other's shoulders

leorio pulling them in with one arm and holding kurapika in the other

and kurapika is always the last one to fall asleep

mostly because of the loud snoring coming from his friends

but because he's grateful that he can even be by them :(((

and he falls asleep with a smile on his face :((

BUT LEORIO WAS AWAKE THE WHOLE TIME SO HE COULD TAKE THEM TO THEIR BEDS

mornings? although id love to believe the headcanon that kurapika can cook, i see leorio as the cooker!

he needs to strap kurapika down just so he can look the breakfast plate in the eye

gon is on the verge of eating his plate too

killua is not a morning person so he'll be down later (don't even try to wake him up.. please)

SIGHHHH i love making myself sad

this was a lot but i hope you enjoyed! thanks for following me :D i tend to go wild on headcanons like this haha

accompany on: to the masterlist!

#hxh headcanons #hxh hcs #hxh 2011 #hxh #gon hxh #gon #gon freecss #killua #killua hxh #killua zoldyck #kurapika hxh #kurapika kurta #kurapika #leorio paladiknight #leorio hxh #leorio #killugon #leopika #love these mfs

157 notes · View notes

latte-fairytaekwoon · 3 years

Text

𝐌𝐚𝐟𝐢𝐚! 𝐀𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐳: 𝐀𝐫𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐠𝐞

Disclaimer: In no way am I condoning, justifying, encouraging, nor promoting mafia behavior or lifestyle. This is all a work of fiction and not meant to represent real life scenarios.

Warnings: Suggestive themes but nothing too explicit, scenes containing violence and kidnappings.

❥𝓚𝓲𝓶 𝓗𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓳𝓸𝓸𝓷𝓰

Hongjoong could already sense that something was off the moment he noticed the door wasn't locked and even more worrying was the fact it was slightly ajar. Quickly taking out his gun just in case, he kicked open the door and widened his eyes as it appeared like some struggle took place. Chairs were turnt over, busted picture frames and glass scattered across the floor, and even more terrifying, droplets of blood were seen.

"Y/N!" He quickly remembered about his spouse.

Running into the bedroom, it was in an even bigger disarray than the living room. On the bed, there was a note folded for him to read. Carefully opening it with trembling hands, his eyes took in each letter. Furiously, he crumbled up the paper and quickly dialed his most trusted friend.

"Get the squad ready."

Although you expected that sooner or later you'd be targeted just for the fact you were married to Hongjoong, nothing could have prepared you for it. After all, Hongjoong didn't seem to care much about you, treating your marriage strictly like a business deal and hardly interacting with you. It wouldn't have surprised you if he didn't even care enough to show up and save you.

But you were wrong when he broke in himself and got you safely out of there, despite having suffered quite a few injuries that had you worrying.

"Stop fretting over it, it's just a scratch." He told you when you tried to wipe the blood trickling down the side of his head wound.

"I'm sorry......you're hurt because I-"

"No one is to blame here but me. I chose to go after you and rescue you because I wanted to. If anything, I should be apologizing for getting you in this situation in the first place."

Sighing softly, you tugged at the dirtied sleeves of your shirt.

"It's not like it's really your fault. We were thrown together and naturally they thought they could get the upper hand if they captured me. And to be honest.....you didn't have to save me. I know you don't care about-"

With a loud gasp, you shut up when Hongjoong unexpectedly sat up and kissed you. You were stunned to react and even more shocked by his next words.

"I always cared. And that's precisely why you were kidnapped. From the start, I acted as if I didn't care about you to protect you. They would have never taken you if they thought that I had no regards for you whatsoever. However, I obviously couldn't hide my feelings that well, given the taunting letter they left me. As soon as I read it, I knew I had to get you back to me as soon as possible."

Kissing the top of your forehead, Hongjoong smiled at you for the first time in your marriage life.

"And I'm happy to take you back to our home, where you rightfully belong."

❥𝓟𝓪𝓻𝓴 𝓢𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝔀𝓪

Putting the finishing touches on your makeup and fixing your hair, you beamed with joy at your reflection in the mirror. You felt truly beautiful and walked out into the living room, where your handsome husband was currently on his phone, no doubt talking about some business things with Hongjoong. He seemed to always be busy, never having any time for anything else.

Including you, which somewhat hurt you.

"I'm ready." You told him, shyly tucking some of your hair behind your ear as you hoped he'd like the dress you were wearing, choosing a blue color since you knew it was his favorite.

"Ok. Go wait out in the limousine, I'll be there shortly."

Barely even giving you a glance, he dialed Hongjoong up and continued to further discuss some matters. Sighing softly, you walked rather disappointed out to the car, slamming the door behind you. When Seonghwa joined you a few minutes later, you didn't even care to hide your anger and frustration at him. You still had a scowling look on your face when you arrived at the party, not bothering this time to stick by Seonghwa's side like you usually did other times, playing the role of a perfect and loving wife. And Seonghwa neither noticed nor cared about it. In fact, he never really hid how little your marriage seemed to matter to him. Perhaps he treated it as any other business he owned.

"Such a pity to see such a beautiful lady look so down during such a lovely evening."

Recognizing the voice as Minho, a friend of Seonghwa, you forced a small smile.

"Not really much to be happy about really." You merely stated.

"Is your oh so loving hubby being the usual prince charming he is?" He rolled his eyes, knowing full well just like everyone else how he really treated you.

"What difference does it make? He'll never even look at me."

Unable to let the opportunity go to waste, even if it was his friend, Minho gently caressed your cheek.

"You know....... maybe you should stop trying so hard for a jerk like him....and maybe open your eyes to someone who actually knows you exist."

You were frozen when he leaned in to kiss you, then gasped loudly when none other than Seonghwa pushed him off you, sending Minho crashing onto one of the tables behind him.

"She is my wife! And the next time you touch her, I will cut your hand off!" He warned him.

You didn't even have time to process what was happening as Seonghwa dragged you outside, his grip on your wrist tight and fierce. When you reached the car, you were going to ask him what was going on but you had no time as he pressed you against the car and began to kiss you fervently and hungrily. You were left speechless and breathless, with your legs getting weak as he let out low snarls in between his kisses on your neck.

"Mine.......you're all mine."

❥𝓙𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓾𝓷𝓱𝓸

Both Yunho and you were beyond nervous at this point, hell you actually felt somewhat terrified. You knew exactly what his parents wanted when they organized this 'family vacation'. This wasn't a getaway to spend time together and they made it obviously clear at dinner when you came back from the bathroom and overheard him arguing with his parents.

"You know I can't ask her to do that!" Yunho adamantly said.

"You've been married for over a year Yunho. It's time and you know it." His mother insisted.

"I will not impregnate her. Have you ever considered her feelings? Maybe she doesn't want kids. Maybe I don't want kids, have you ever thought of that?" He asked them, voice getting more agitated.

"It's both of your duties to produce heirs to keep control and stability in the organization. Your life is at risk on a daily basis. If you die with no children it'll only cause chaos and disruption." His father reminded him.

That was the one thing you dreaded facing since the day you said "I do", having to be forced to become nothing more than a baby maker. Yunho knew from the beginning how uncomfortable you were during your first night together, that's why he ended up sleeping in another room, as he had done every day afterwards, not wanting you to freak out and giving you your space.

But now you both stared at the single king sized bed in your hotel room, reality staring you in the face. Neither of you said a word as you took turns changing and getting ready to go to sleep in the bathroom, Yunho letting you go first. As you crept into the bed, your hands tightly held onto the blanket, your eyes staring blankly at the ceiling, unaware of anything until you felt the bed shift next to you. You inhaled sharply when you felt Yunho's fingers caress your hair.

"Y/N-"

"Just get it over with will you?! Just knock me up and make your parents happy. I don't care anymore."

Although you tried to sound strong, the tremble in your voice gave you away. You could feel tears starting to well up in your eyes. When Yunho moved to hover above you, you instantly shut your eyes, tears lightly spilling out. You could feel his breath ghost over your lips and then suddenly they moved as he planted the gentlest of kiss on your forehead.

"Good night my dear. I promise I won't take up too much space."

Confused you open your eyes and watched as Yunho turned on his side, facing away from you as he scooted to give you as much room as he possibly could.

"I don't...I don't understand why..." You didn't even know what you were asking at this point.

"I'm not going to be that asshole that will make you do something you're not prepared for. I respect, value and admire you too much to make you go through that. I'll just wait until you're ready."

You weren't going to deny that your heart fluttered at his words.

"But your parents-"

"They can suck it. I've lived this long, I think I'll be fine. They can wait like I'm willing to wait. The only downside is putting up with their bullshit and nagging for disobeying them...."

You could tell he was falling asleep by the way his voice started to mumble and lower in tone, and his tiny yawn made it more obvious. You were prepared for his cute tiny rambling but you didn't expect what he said next.

"But that's what I get for falling in love with you..."

❥𝓚𝓪𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓮𝓸𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓰

Yeosang stared out the spacious window of his office, the glittering city lights looking as splendid as they did every night, bustling with sounds of the inhabitants coming out to party and overall enjoy life. They seemed to be mocking him, mocking him for being happy while he felt miserable and empty inside.

It had been hours since you had already left, your plane had probably already landed back to your hometown and you were now ready to settle into your new life....away from him. He couldn't stop replaying the argument you had just a day ago:

"Can't you at least pretend to care?" You spat out, dropping your fork against the plate of food in front of you.

"If you know what I'm like, why even ask?" Was his only reply.

"Yes I know what you're like! You're cold, stoic, soulless and have no regards for anyone's feelings but your own! Being married to you all these years, I know you better than anyone! But I'm sick of it. I'm sick of you not caring enough to even try." She could feel her voice starting to crack.

Letting out a deep sigh, Yeosang pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"From the beginning, you knew what you were getting in to. We didn't get married because we were a couple of lovestruck fools wanting to vow our lives to each other. Our parents arranged it and we had no choice. If you were stupid enough to catch feelings well then..."

Finally lifting his gaze to look at you, his eyes were unwavering as he coldly declared:

"That's not my fault. And you can't expect me to reciprocate your feelings when I don't even have any to begin with."

Not taking anymore, you began crying tears of heartbreak, anger, frustration and indignation all at the same time. Standing up, you firmly declared your intent of going back home, not willing to put up or stay with him anymore.

"Ok."

Not even a goodbye, a farewell or even another look at you. Those were his final words before you stormed out and made preparations to leave as soon as possible. Yeosang had spent the entire day pacing back and forth, unable to think or do anything except look at the clock almost every hour. He had been counting the seconds since your flight was scheduled to leave, that's how he knew you were home by then.

He cursed himself for being a coward. For not speaking up and telling you how much you actually meant to him, how scared he was of his feelings for you, and most of all, he hated himself for not running out to stop you. Now you were gone from his life forever........ unless....

"Get my plane ready."

❥𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓢𝓪𝓷

San and you didn't even meet each other until you were both standing at the altar, families ready to join together two criminal organizations to grow their power even further. Both of you looked at each and instantly felt what the other was feeling: shock, denial, insecurity, but most of all, fear. Both of you were afraid of what was going to happen. Though he was trembling just as much as you, San made sure to reach for your hand, squeezing it in his own. With that small gesture, you knew and felt what he was silently saying:

"We're going to get through this together. Just trust me and believe in me. I'll take care of you. You're not alone in this and I'll be right there by your side."

You two got along fairly well, even if there was still awkwardness between the two of you. You were both also still shy around each other that you wouldn't talk unless it was necessary or because something caught one or the other's attention and wanted to share their thoughts out loud, which the other one would try to enthusiastically add on to converse more, but it always ended in awkward laughter.

Yeah. It was extremely awkward. But at least there was no hostility between you two and you guys did enjoy watching movies together at times, hardly speaking a word, but there was no silence at all. You could read each other's minds and feelings all the time. It was truly strange how in tune your thoughts seemed to be at times and scary too. Your mind began to recall times when strange things happened like the time you were craving a certain food and coincidentally, San came later with the exact same food because he got a feeling you wanted some. Or the time you were supposed to go visit extended family but in the end didn't get on the train and went straight home because you felt San needed you. He thought you were crazy, but later that night he was burning up with a fever and you spent your weekend nursing him back to health.

"What did this all mean?" You both thought to yourselves.

"A soulmate is someone that just gets you. It's a connection of minds, a mutual respect, an unconditional love and a total understanding. It's about being yourself and knowing, not only that person is following and understanding your thoughts, but is right there with you, side by side." The actress in the movie you were watching said.

Suddenly everything seemed to click. At the moment both of you felt like the answer to your questions were finally answered. Slowly you both turned and faced one another. Giving you a warm smile as he read your thoughts, San leaned in to cup your cheek with one hand, his thumb drawing circles around it. Brushing his lips against yours, he sighed blissfully as he looked in your eyes.

"My lovely soulmate..."

❥𝓢𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓜𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓲

When Mingi met you, he was sort of put off by how different you were from him.

"Hi! I'm Y/N, your soon to be wife but please don't think of me as that if you don't want to. Think of me as your friend. I just know we'll get along!"

You were actually squealing and wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug, almost bouncing up and down with joy while Mingi just stood there stiff as a pole, wondering what the hell made you be so happy and cheerful like that.

"Ok.....ok got it, you can let go now." He tried to squirm out of your embrace, but you merely tightened your grip on him causing him to let out a harsh "oof!" at your strength.

"For such a tiny person, you sure aren't weak." He pointed out.

Married life with you for Mingi was...... different to say the least. He was used to such a gloomy, dark and hostile environment that having a tiny bubble bursting with energy was unusual and not something he was accustomed to. You always greeted him with such enthusiasm and happiness, not to mention you were such a caring housewife, always feeding him and taking care of him. Sometimes Mingi questioned whether you've ever seen the harsh side of the mafia world. Judging by your love for life and others, he guessed no.

And his assumptions were correct when you both were at a party held by some of his other mafia friends. Taking advantage of the occasion, rival gangs infiltrated the building. Storming in, explosions went off in several places, and gun shots were being fired at all directions. Mingi quickly jumped up and tackled you onto the ground, covering your body from the bullets that were being poured out. Taking your hand, he told you to stay down as he safely guided you out of the hall. Once you guys were far away, he quickly sprung up, pulling you up with him as he began running towards the nearest exit, pulling out his hidden gun just in case. You were in shock, even more when you guys passed a couple of dead bodies in the hallway. Feeling sick, you don't even remember how Mingi managed to get you both out of there alive and in one piece before the entire place burst into flames. Staring at the raging fire, you felt like you couldn't breathe, desperately trying to gasp for air.

"Honey, look at me. Look at me ok? You're safe. You're all right and you're going to be all right. Nothing is going to happen to you ok?"

You nodded, trying to choke back tears and forcing a smile on your face, but ultimately failing. Seeing you break down, Mingi immediately pulled you into his arms, his fingers running through your hair as he felt his heart break. You were such a fragile, sensitive and extremely precious person to him. He couldn't bear to see his ray of sunshine and hope in his dark world break down in front of him. He knew had to protect you at all costs and take care of you.

"It's ok my darling angel. I won't let any harm come to you. I swear on my life I'll protect you."

Wiping your tears away, he kissed the top of your head and smiled warmly at you.

"Come on. I'll take you home and have one of those cuddling sessions you always enjoy having."

❥𝓙𝓾𝓷𝓰 𝓦𝓸𝓸𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓰

You wanted to die, and that wasn't an understatement. You felt utterly humiliated at the fact your parents actually sold you into marriage to some mafia lord's son to pay off their debts. You didn't even have time to process anything, one day you were just bound and stuffed into the back of a car and soon found yourself inside a grand old mansion. You felt alone and scared, unsure of what was going to happen to you. And you were beyond trembling when you met your future husband, expecting some evil and sadistic man when in reality:

"Hi! I'm Jung Wooyoung, your soon to be husband and I can tell we're going to be really happy together!"

He greeted you with just a charismatic enthusiasm, eyes practically beaming when he first saw you.

"Hi, I'm L/N Y/N, the girl that's going to be caged to you for life......or death. Whichever comes first."

He laughed at that, coming closer and squeezed your cheeks.

"You're so cute, I'm already in love with you."

Love? You seriously thought he was insane. You certainly didn't fall in love with him at first sight. And even after months of being married to him, you still didn't felt love towards him, even though Wooyoung tried anything and everything to not only make life easier for you, but in hopes of getting you to reciprocate his feelings.

"Hey Y/N. Look! I got you a present! Open it. I know you'll love it."

You groaned at the thought of another expensive present being given to you. You felt bad that he went through all these troubles when they'd all end in vain. Peeling the ribbon off the huge box, you didn't even get to open the box since the Welsh Corgi inside jumped out and tackled you to the ground. You couldn't help but giggle when it began licking your face, its tail wagging out of joy.

"I knew you'd like him. Now he can keep you company so you won't be lonely while I'm gone."

Rolling your eyes, you couldn't let the opportunity pass to poke fun at him.

"Who said I was even going to miss you?" You chuckled, petting the dog's head.

"You never know." Wooyoung insisted.

Leaving you for 5 months, you couldn't believe you actually started to miss his obnoxiously loud presence. Sure your puppy kept you complaining and cuddled you, but it wasn't the same. You hated to admit it....

But you actually wanted Wooyoung to come back and smother you with what you always referred to as his annoying affection.

Opening the front door, Wooyoung called out that he was home. He smiled when he was greeted by his furry friend rather enthusiastically. But he was not expecting for you to run out and jump at him, your arms wrapping around his neck. Although he stumbled slightly, he made sure to catch you, your legs wrapping around his waist.

"Y/N are you-?"

He widened his eyes when you crashed your lips on his, kissing him as if your life depended on it. Once getting over the shock, he had a smug grin as he kissed you back.

"Told you you'd miss me."

❥𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓙𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝓸

Jongho terrified you. From day one, you were intimidated by him. He always had a blank expression, hardly talked and he had a reputation for being brutally strong. Obviously you felt like you were walking on eggshells around him, afraid to piss him off. Anytime he called out to you or came near you, your body would jump.

"Y/N..."

Shrieking, you turned around when you felt his hand brush against your lower back. Tilting his head, he raised an eyebrow at your reaction.

"I needed something from the cabinet."

Without breaking eye contact, his hands gripped your waist as he slightly moved you to the side, fingers digging into your skin. After having gotten what he wanted, his thumb poked your nose as he winked at you.

"Thanks doll."

You swore he was teasing you. He'd purposefully use any occasion to show off his strength to you, his favorite being cutting up wood in the yard with an axe. You couldn't help but stare at his arms that were visible due to him wearing a sleeveless shirt. When he noticed you staring, he sent a smug smile your way which caused you to blush and you immediately retreated back inside the house.

There was also the time he accidentally walked in on you changing. There you were, standing in nothing but your lacy underwear set, for some reason not embarrased or hiding yourself as Jongho inhaled deeply as his eyes raked your body. Subtly biting his lips, he apologized before reluctantly leaving the room.

Both of you were frustrated by that point, tired of the light teasing. Jongho was the one who decided to put a stop to it one night he came home from a mission. He had been badly hurt and you, worrying about him, sat him down to tend to his wounds. It was a struggle since he had to remove his shirt and you were blushing violently, eyes always looking away.

"It's ok doll. I'm your husband...you can look at me."

His hands that were holding onto your arms began caressing your elbows, subtly pulling you closer to him without you noticing until you were firmly planted on his lap.

"Do you want me my little doll?" He asked you, voice in a low whisper as his breath fanned over your lips.

"Cause I've wanted you since the first day I laid my eyes on you."

Gifs not mine. Credit goes to their respective owners.

#ateez #ateez reactions #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #ateez mafia au #mafia!au #mafia!ateez #ateez fluff #ateez angst #ateez hongjoong #ateez seonghwa #ateez yunho #ateez yeosang #ateez san #ateez mingi #ateez wooyoung #ateez jongho

1K notes · View notes