#you’re a bisexual too debs

[im-not-a-l0ser]

Her: Chapter Two

These chapters are much longer than the prologue, but this one is a few hundred short of the last chapter.

Feedback for this would also be amazing as well, especially since I feel pretty iffy about this chapter

CW- Deadnaming, insecurity, but other than that, it's a pretty wholesome chapter I think.

They told their mom as soon as they decided. 

They didn’t know if their father overheard or not, but the next thing they knew, he was telling them that he was staying at Jerry’s for a while. 

He said that they were welcome to visit. 

They didn’t think they would. 

By the time their mom reached Paul, the work week had started again, and Paul told her that he’d be busy until that weekend. 

They spent the rest of the week slowly tidying up for the visit. 

Paul was very boring looking. He was just an average guy. 

“You must be my…” Paul stopped talking, realising his mistake. “It’s nice to meet you, Kai,” He said instead, giving up on his original statement completely. “Your mother tells me you’re going into your freshman year?”

“Yeah,” They responded. “I’m actually excited, I’m gonna be in Geometry next year, since I took Algebra in my eighth grade year! I’m gonna be one of the only freshman amongst sophomores!”

They really were excited. The topic shook their nerves nearly immediately.

“Although, I think I’m gonna quit the swim team,” They said. 

“Oh,” Their mom remarked. “Sorry. I mean, it’s not surprising, this is just the first I’m hearing about it officially. Y’know what, I’m gonna go make dinner.” She rushed off, trying to avert the awkwardness. 

“Why do you think you’re gonna quit?” Paul asked. 

He seemed in between uncomfortable, anxious and just straight up socially awkward. But that was okay! Kai was feeling that way too!

“Well, I, uh…” They swallowed. “It’s a girl’s team.”

“Ah, yeah,” Paul said, seeming to understand immediately. “Your, uh, your mom told me that you’re feeling a little nebulous about your identity. And that’s super fine, we all go through that.”

“Really?” They asked with a small laugh, not believing it in the slightest.

“Sure! I mean, I went through it at least twice. And learning about the world helps us learn about ourselves,” He said. “When I was in high school, I came out as bisexual, but I’m actually somewhere on the ace-spectrum, which means I’m not really attracted to anyone in general. Some people, sure, but not a lot.”

“Oh,” Kai hummed. 

“Labels can change more than once, is what I’m saying,” Paul said, “So there’s no rush to get it right the first time.” 

“Okay,” Kai said quietly. “You seem to know a lot about this.”

“Yeah, this isn’t the first time I’ve had this conversation,” Paul admitted. “My buddy Bill has a daughter, and she had trouble with her identity too. And Bill said he was out of his element, but claimed since I knew what I was in high school, that I’d be great at it!”

“I mean, you seem pretty great at it.”

“I wasn’t before, she’s actually how I figured out I’m asexual, because we kept talking in circles, and uh…” Paul looked around. “She had her friend Ziggs over and we all got high, and that really helped.”

Kai barked a laugh. They were not expecting that. 

“Yeah, it was a weird experience. Being high with two highschoolers and a basically sober one? Very odd thing to go through as a man in his late twenties,” He said, his eyes wide and staring off, as if he were recalling a war story. 

“Isn’t that three high schoolers total?” Kai asked. “Who was the other one?”

“Oh, Alice’s friend Deb,” Paul said. He cocked his head momentarily in thought. “Well, friends at the time. They’re dating now, going on a year I think.”

“Oh,” Kai said again. “That’s nice.”

“I think so too,” Paul said. “Bill’s still getting used to it. I think it just stresses him out, since he wasn’t able to figure it out or help. He thinks that Alice and I bonded better in that one day than they have from her whole life.” Paul shook his head. “I don’t think so. He tries really hard for her. She thinks they might be getting a divorce, which I haven’t seen first hand, but I understand. And she told me she wanted to live with him. And I think that’s just about as good as you can get with being a parent.”

“I’d want to live with my mom,” Kai said. “No offense.”

“None taken, I don’t like my brother either,” Paul said, shaking his head. “Anyway, maybe I could get you in contact with Alice. It might help to be around people your age. Or, y’know, I think my other… co-worker has a little brother your age.”

“Really?” Kai asked. “What’s his name?”

“I don’t know his brother’s name, sorry. But my co-workers name is Ted Spankoffski, if that means anything to you.”

“The last name sounds familiar,” Kai said. “I might’ve had classes with him before.”

“Probably,” Paul said. “Your mom said you’re a smart kid. And that kid is a nerd.” Kai laughed. 

“No shame in that,” They said, motioning to their admittedly geeky Doctor Who shirt. 

“Never said there was,” Paul said, putting up his hands half-defensively. 

“Kai, could you come set the table!” Their mother called from the other room. 

Kai excused themselves and began setting the table. They set it the same as they always did, since their father wasn’t there. 

Kai heard the door open. Maybe Paul left something in his car. They were setting silverware next to the plates when they heard yelling. 

They froze and their breathing became shallow. Their eyes glassed over.

It hadn’t even been very long since they last heard their name— their real name. But it hurt.

Eventually the yelling became more muffled and Paul walked into the kitchen.

“There was a kid at the door,” He said, seeming stunned.

“Sorry,” Kai said, their voice creaking.

“Whoa, ho,” Paul said, rushing to their side. “It’s not your fault, it’s okay.”

It was their fault. It felt like their fault. Whoever it was was looking for them. 

“Okay?” Paul asked, realising that Kai hadn’t really processed what he said. Kai nodded, shaking slightly.

“Okay…”

“Okay.”

“Okay!” Their mom said, entering the room. “Dinner’s ready.”

_________________________

A few weeks later, their mom, Paul, and Paul’s friends/co-workers set up a get together at a local restaurant. 

There was a girl with dark red hair, along with one with ginger hair. There was a kid sitting on the other side of Kai, with dark hair that was pulled back into a ponytail, showing a slightly overgrown undercut. 

Next to the red haired girl was a black man who reminded Kai of his classmate Jason. Across from him, a white moustached man— definitely related to undercut.

“Alright, so, everyone, this is my… the child of my brother. Their name is Kai. Kai, this is Alice, Deb, Bill, Ted, and…”

“Peter,” The person sitting next to Kai said. 

“Peter,” Paul said with a polite smile. “They’re all like us.” He looked down at his utensils awkwardly. “Except Bill,” He said, “Bill is a cishet man, he just happens to have a lesbian daughter.”

“Oh, our friend Ziggs is coming too,” Alice said. “They’re wrapping up a… at work right now.” 

“Ziggs?” Kai asked. 

“Yep,” Deb said. 

“That’s… not a name.” 

Deb and Alice giggled to each other.

“Yeah, that’s not really a thing,” Peter said. “I know someone called Stopwatch.” He cocked his head slightly, indicating thought. “Well, technically his legal name is going to be Daniel, but that’s just for job applications and stuff. He doesn’t want to be discriminated against for being trans.”

“Names are just as made up as everything else,” Deb said. “Oh, speaking of made up gender stuff. Pronouns, c’mon.”

“Oh, right, sorry,” Paul said. “I use he/him, but they/them are cool too.”

“She/They,” Deb said. 

“I use she/her, but not super exclusively either,” Alice said. Her whole demeanour was kind of nervous. She was playing with the sleeves pulled over her hands.

“Uhh,” Bill said. “He/Him? I don’t really understand it…” Pete leaned over to talk to Richie quietly. 

“We keep trying to tell him that he’s greygender, but he doesn’t get the whole thing,” He said. 

“I use he/him,” Ted said, seeming a bit annoyed. 

“He/Him,” Peter said too.

And now all eyes were on Kai. They looked down. 

“Uh,” They hesitated. “I don’t know. I-I’m not a girl though…” 

“Ah,” Peter said. “Yeah, I feel that.”

“Don’t we all,” A new unknown voice said. When Kai looked back up, there was someone else sitting at the table, next to Deb. 

They had dark hair poking out of their beanie, an eyebrow slit, and wore a sleeveless turtleneck. 

“Hey, Ziggs, they/them. My friends call me Ziggy. Sorry I’m late.” 

“It’s okay,” Kai said meekly. 

Ziggs’ whole attitude make Kai nervous, but in a… good way? It kind of reminded them of—

“So you’re questioning your identity, huh?” Ziggs asked. “I do not miss that.” Deb backhanded their arm. 

“What they mean is, they understand. And it can be a long journey, but it’s worth it. Labels like the ones under LGBTQIA+ umbrella can really help you understand yourself.”

“And make you more comfortable with yourself,” Peter said. “I lived like a girl for nearly twelve years, and I feel much more happy now.”

“It shows too,” Ted said. “I mean, he’s still a total scrub, but at least he feels like going outside sometimes. Even if it’s just once a month.” He punctuated his statement with a noogie upon Pete’s head, who shoved his arm away. “He’s actually enrolling in a tap class, fuckin’ finally!”

“I’ve been wanting to,” Peter admitted, “And mom says it’ll help me… make friends.”

“I asked out Deb,” Alice said. “A-After I figured myself out.”

“We were just friends before that,” Deb commented.

“You were friends before?” Kai asked. 

“Yeah,” Deb said. “For like three years.”

“Weren’t… Weren’t you afraid it’d change your relationship?”

“Uh, no?” Deb said. “We wanted our relationship to change.”

“But what if you broke up, what then?” Kai asked, their voice laced with anxiety and speed. “And what if you learned something new about your identity, and that made them stop loving you, even platonically? What if you don’t actually… like each other like that…” They slowed down at the end there.

Alice was shaking, which Deb must’ve noticed. She took Alice’s hand. 

“It’s worth the risk,” They said. “And we were really good friends before. If that friendship couldn’t survive a change in relationship and a change back, then it wouldn’t have survived our lives in the long run. And y’know. It’s survived this long.”

“I’m guessing you’ve got a friend you like?” Ziggs asked.

“I, I don’t know for sure if I like him. I just don’t want him dating someone else,” Kai admitted. “A-And I don’t think he’d like me now that I’m… like this.”

“Have you talked to him about it.”

“I don’t want to,” Kai spat immeaditely. “I don’t want him to think of me differently.”

“Isn’t that the whole point though?” Peter asked. “Like, he’d see you as… not what you really are otherwise.” 

“So?” Kai asked. “He likes me like that. He likes that me.”

“If he likes that you, he’ll like this you,” Ziggs said. “Like, if he likes you for reals, then yeah, he’ll like you like this.” They chuckled. ���I mean, I wasn’t always like this. But when I came out to my friends and family, they accepted me. My mom’s paying for me to get a septum piercing next month.”

“But if they don’t accept you,” Paul said, “That doesn’t mean they never loved you. It just means they’re too shallow to let their image of you change.” Kai smiled weakly, knowing he was probably just adding to that because of his own brothers.

“I just, it’s easier this way.” Kai said. “Maybe I’ll change my mind.” They sighed and slouched down into their chair. “I just want to start over.”

“Well,” Peter said. “Maybe you can. We’re in the same grade, yeah?” Kai shifted in their seat under the anxiety that Pete might know who they really are. They nodded. “That means we’re going to high school next year. Everything’s gonna be different. Now’s the time to change.”

“It’s not the worst idea,” Ziggs said with a small nod. “I did that on accident I think,” They said with a laugh. “There are definitely people at school who don’t realise who I used to be. You have plenty of time to figure out who you want to be. A few more months.”

“I’m not sure it’s the best idea either though,” Paul said. “But I’ll help with whatever you need. We could probably get your name changed too if you want.”

“Isn’t that expensive?”

“Aren’t your parents getting divorced?” Ted asked, getting everyone’s attention. “The judge can change your last name to your mom’s depending on the situation.”

“Why do you know that?” Bill asked. 

“I agree,” Peter said, “Our parents are not divorced.”

“Our parents never even got legally married,” Ted said. “Just had a party and exchanged rings.”

“That makes it even weirder that you know!” Peter exclaimed. 

“He’s right though,” Paul said. “And you’re definitely going to be put in your mother’s custody. I’ll testify against your dad.” 

“Thanks,” Kai said. “I don’t know yet though.”

“And I’ve already got your mother set up with my uncle. He’s an attorney. Luckily I got to him before my brother did. Not that I think he’d be on his side. He’s been in numerous relationships with men.”

“Here,” Ziggs said, pulling a small pen that seemed to have been tucked under their beanie, behind their ear. “I’ll write down our information. And if you need to talk to someone your age about help with your identity, or the divorce, or anything else…” They held the pen to their lips momentarily. “Just text whoever you need.” They continued writing. “Alice, are you okay with me putting you on here?” Alice nodded. 

They continued to write down phone numbers and usernames for themself and their friends.

“Peter, I don’t have your stuff, do you want to add them?” Peter held his hands out for the napkin and pen. 

He wrote slowly and carefully to help preserve the information on the napkin. 

“There,” He said, sliding it over.

The napkin had each name, followed by a colon and the contact information. Next to the highschoolers, there was a symbol to relay what platform was being used, for instagram, snapchat, phone number, and even a crudely drawn discord symbol. 

“Thank you.”

“Hey, man,” Deb said. “Us queers gotta stick together, y’know?”

“Yeah,” Alice spoke up. “Even if people here in Hatchetfield are more accepting than most are, there are still some terrible people. And some that just don’t understand.”

“And others who aren’t willing to,” Paul added, thinking back to his side of their family. 

“But you’re not alone, okay?” Peter said. 

Kai nodded.

#nerdy prudes must die #starkid #richie lipschitz #max jagerman #michie #peter spankoffski #pete spankoffski #paul matthews #uncle paul matthews #ted spankoffski #alice woodward #bill woodward #ziggs

[blackacre13]

Hi can you do this au where Danny an Deb are both persuing Lou and kind of have this competition to see which one of them can get her to be with/date them ?

Ah thank you! I have a plot idea note like this that has been sitting on my laptop forever, but I’ve never written anything for it besides “Betting on Lou” or “Danny versus Deb for Lou?” so I’m really excited to write this!

Rusty slid the photo across the poker table and both Debbie and Danny shared a look.

“What do you think?” Rusty grinned, tapping on the glossy paper with a red chip.

“What do we know about her?” Danny sighed.

“Used to run with Zurik in Australia,” Rusty explained. “New to the states.”

“He’s good,” Debbie nodded. “Bet she’s better.”

“Think you’ve got that backwards, Deb,” Danny snorted, pushing his beer to the side.

“You don’t think she left cause she butted heads with that asshole?” Debbie asked, rolling her eyes. “She’s probably too good for him. Gave her dirt for her cut. Doesn’t know her worth.”

Danny scoffed. “I’d bet more along the lines that they hooked up, things went sour, and she went batshit and refused to work with him.”

“Because women always want to sleep with the man they’re working for?” Debbie rolled her eyes again. “You’re a pig.”

“I mean, don’t they though?” Danny grinned, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Never fucking ends well, I’ll tell you that,” Debbie grumbled, examining her nails.

“Is that why you’re back on women?” Rusty smirked, smacking Debbie’s shoulder.

“I’m not back on anything,” Debbie sighed. “You of all people should not have to have me explain what bisexuality is to you.”

“Debbie, Danny and I, it was just—“

Danny shot him a warning look.

“Knew it,” the brunette smirked, examining the photo again. “God, she is gorgeous though.”

“We were looking for someone new for me,” Danny hissed, snatching the paper.

“Yeah,” Debbie sighed. “For a job. Not a date, Danny.”

“Oh,” Danny laughed. “So you think you get to date her?

Debbie pushed her chair back and stood, giving her brother a long, dark look. “Oh Danny,” Debbie laughed, shaking her head. “Nobody just gets to date a woman. You’re not entitled to her. She’s not a cookie at a bakery.”

Even Rusty flashed a grin at Danny, nodding along with Debbie.

“But yes, yes I will,” Debbie added before leaving the room. “So let me know when you call her in to meet her and see if she’s a good fit.”

***********************************************

“Oh,” Debbie laughed, slamming the door behind her. “So I see we weren’t all meeting at 10 this morning. Some of us were here earlier. Funny.”

The brunette paced across the floor, stilettos clicking across the tile before she landed in front of the table. She ignored Danny as she reached across the table offering her hand out to the blonde woman who sat looking at her with curious, twinkling eyes and a matching smirk.

“You must be Debbie,” the blonde nodded, moving to kiss the back of Debbie’s hand instead of shaking it. “I’m Lou. Lou Miller.”

“I’ve heard only good things,” Debbie murmured, locking eyes with Lou.

“Same here,” Lou grinned, reluctantly dropping Debbie’s hand.

Danny cleared his throat. “Anyway, Deb, if you want to sit down. Lou and I were just—“

“I have a counter-offer,” Debbie smirked, pulling out a chair and sitting down, lifting her legs to the table and crossing them at the ankle.

“Debbie,” Danny warned, looking pissed.

“Let me guess,” Debbie spoke, ignoring Danny. “Danny has offered you a spot on his team of ten men, right? That’s ten assholes. Ten guys trying to convince you to wear a skirt for ‘the job’ or that your cut shouldn’t have to be as big because you’re a woman and that—“

“Actually, Debbie,” Danny hissed. “If you’d let me get a word in, you’d know that Lou and I have had a real heart-to-heart about how things used to be on my team and how I screwed up big time with you and learned my lesson. So thank you, Deb. For teaching me how to treat a woman, especially when she’s on my team.”

“You wouldn’t know the first thing about how to treat a woman,” Debbie mumbled. “And I highly doubt she’s on your team.”

Lou let out a laugh that she tried and failed to hide as a cough and Danny was glaring daggers at Debbie.

“Can I speak to you for a second?” Danny asked through gritted teeth, pulling Debbie up by the collar of her blouse.

Lou shrugged, waving them off before sitting back in her chair, crossing her arms.

Danny pulled Debbie into the kitchen, nearly hitting her head on a cabinet as he backed her into a corner of the counter.

“Can we not make this a whole Debbie Ocean moment right now?” Danny hissed, still gripping at her blouse.

Debbie swatted him off, reaching into the cabinet for a mug.

“Like every moment isn’t the Danny Ocean show,” Debbie rolled her eyes, slamming the cup on the counter.

“You’re being a brat,” the older Ocean muttered.

“That’s my specialty,” Debbie smiled, pouring a serving of coffee into her mug. “Do you have any cream?”

“You can fucking date her,” Danny sighed. “Okay? If she’s even gay. But I want her for my team. She’s good.”

“Have you seen the way she’s sitting right now? Or the motorcycle parked outside I’d bet a million dollars on being hers. She’s gay.” Debbie smirked over the rim of her cup. “And didn’t you listen to me? She’s not some claw machine prize. You can’t just reach in and grab her. Like I said, you’re a pig, Danny.”

“Whatever,” Danny huffed. “Just cut this counter-offer shit. It’s childish.”

“Actually,” a deep velvet voice started, startling them both. “I’d very much like to hear this counter-offer of Debbie’s.”

The two Ocean siblings shared a nervous look.

“I really appreciate the hushed screaming for my benefit,” Lou smirked. “But I can hold my own.”

She started to walk back towards the table, motioning for them both to join her with a nod of her head.

“Oh,” Lou grinned, sitting back down as she spread her legs wise. “And Debbie was right. I am most definitely really fucking gay. Now, did we want to finish this conversation?”

Danny let out a long sigh while Debbie grinned, both moving to sit back at the table.

“Listen, Lou,” Danny breathed. “Do what you will with Deb, whatever that is. Just neither of you tell me. But job wise, think of how amazing you’d be on my team. The territory we’ve covered. The money you’d make. The reputation you’d have.”

Debbie rolled her eyes. “That’s your speech?” Debbie laughed. “Lou, here’s the deal. Danny will paint this pretty picture of Vegas and fountains and riches, but then you will never see that cut. And you will never get to play in the big leagues. But with me, I’m looking for a partner. Just me and you.”

“You are not pitching yourself as a girlfriend right now, Debbie. I mean Jesus,” Danny groaned.

“I’m not,” Debbie hissed at him. She turned back to Lou. “I’m proposing that Lou and I become partners and run our own jobs. Splitting the profits fifty-fifty. Like how a team should work. I don’t plan to con my team, Danny. Just my marks.”

Lou looked impressed and Danny looked like his head was about to implode.

“Tell you what,” Lou sighed, standing up. “When I make decisions, I really like to take a long drive, find a bar and find a woman to take my mind off things. Sleep on it, if you will. So, I will weigh both your offers and let you know in the morning. Alright?”

Debbie’s mouth dropped open slightly as Danny sat there dumbstruck, both astonished they’d apparently been equally unpersuasive.

“Debbie?” Lou called, turning back to the woman still sitting in awe. “You coming with? I assume you’ve got drinks back at your place and I’m hoping we can sleep on this together. You ever been on a bike before?”

#queue #blackacre13 #my writing #ask #ask me #ask me things #answered #answered prompt #prompt ask #prompt asks #prompt request #writing ask #writing request #writing response #oceans eight #oceans 8 #ocean's eight #ocean's 8 #lou miller #Debbie ocean #rusty ryan #Danny ocean #ocean's eleven #ocean's 11 #ocean's trilogy #lou x debbie #Debbie x lou #Lou Miller x Debbie ocean #lou and debbie #loubbie

[juiceastronaut]

Okay so. I watched Q-force. And I have no idea what I think about it.

Imma just be rambling so I'll break down the characters and my likes/dislikes about them before giving my plot breakdown at the end. Only the main/prominent ones because I don't have time.

Steve Maryweather-Easily the best character out of them, with Deb being a close second. He could've very easily fallen into the trope of being someone who was incompetent but expected the world anyway, but he doesn't. He graduated top of his class, and despite his quirks is a genuinely competent team leader, and wants the best for his team. He wants to prove that he and his team are competent enough to get recognition, and has a genuine faith in the people around him. It was refreshing to see him hold his team in a genuine high regard, where a lot of times it's like "We're shit but lets do this thing now" He's a genuinely well-rounded character, and (and forgive me if this isn't the best way to frame this) it feels like being gay is an important part of his character, without encompassing the whole thing. I thought Benji and his relationship was super cute and I was sad when they broke up. I was afraid he was going to be, like a second but worse Twink with the stereotyping but gladly fell away from that.

Deb-I thought her and her wife were super cute (though I hate how the wife is designed ngl adjafkldajfd). I liked Debs character, but I feel like she had a lot of racial stereotyping that wouldn't be inherently obvious unless you were looking for them, her being the strong one, and also the "mama" type at the same time. No one treated her with disrespect, and her lesbianism seemed to be more authentic but I feel like there wasn't a lot of thought put into what these tropes were and why they were bad. Her being black and making her the mama type, as well as the big strong type could be read as tasteless. Again, I really liked her character but these were some things I noticed while watching.

Twink- You know, I didn't really like him at first, I thought he was the epitome of all the bad stereotyping (though I'm just glad him and Mary didn't get put into the same category). His humor isn't my taste, and it just kinda seemed like someone for half of his lines went "what twitter stan language can we put in here?" And sometimes it was a bit too random for my tastes. However! I do like that his drag was considered important and was an integral part to a lot of missions they went on, and not just "Ah look at that dumb gay trying to find reasons to dress in drag." His talents and expertise were both respected and, save for Buck (which his whole point was supposed to be offensive anyway) no one undermined Twink for his femininity. His back story is also kinda random but did play a role in the missions as well. Still, personally think he's the worst character. Plus, he's French so minus four-twenties amount of points.

Stat-You know, in a show where everyone was stating what letter they were every few seconds I was surprised that I had to look up that Stat was trans. I...liked her character for the most part, except the part where she was fucking a robot. Kinda weird ngl, outta left field, and with her being trans I wonder if her having that sort of relationship is problematic for her. Love her design tho, love me a hacker girl. She's also listed as "ambiguously gay" tho showed to have mostly girl love interests but, okay.

Buck-He's the straight guy, emotionally repressed haha and he's bigoted. Did think it was funny later on when he was more "accepting" but managed to be even more infuriating about it. Tied with Twink as worse character but you know they tried to do stuff with him.

Vee-Really liked me a boss lady, but kinda weird how they bait-and-switched us with her actually being a lesbian, then go "no she's straight tho" in regards to Karen. I thought her and Mary's relationship was cute, wish I saw more of it. But she did feel like a random plot device in later seasons, what with her disappearing and reappearing when it was plot relevant. (Tho she HOTOHOTHOTHOT bikini episode WOOOWEEEE)

....

Okay, so now the plot....which. it had one?

It felt like it was flip flopping back n forth about whether it wanted to take itself seriously or not, and it seemed to decide on serious more towards the end, but then it would have this random plot element that would be so out of left field it would pull me out of my suspension of disbelief. See the whole "Back cracking to unlock memories" plot point. This back and forth on whether it would be a comedy or not I think weakened both categories it tried to play into.

If I had to compare the show to anything it would probably be Futurama, but the thing with Futurma is, its set in the future, so you're suspension of disbelief is allowed to stretch a bit more because all the wacky quirky stuff can be attributed to future shenanigans. Q-force, to my knowledge, is set in the modern day, which makes the wacky stuff that much wacker, because it's set in our modern times, which you apply the rules of everyday life to.

A lot of the problems that I had with Q-Force is, in the attempt to write specifically about the "gay experience" revealed that the writers have really only had a very specific experience of interacting with gay ppl, what I call the "Urban Gay" experience.

The fact they're in West Hollywood, and all the things that were listed as "universal gay experiences" but were only things that you'd be exposed to if you were in the city. I think a flavor of "white gay" can be implemented here too, which Q force has exactly one black woman, who manages to be the only lesbian.

That coupled with the fact that, there's a difference between having Twink naturally being a drag queen, the whole team being gay to some degree, and the fact they interact with the gay community often without Drawing Attention to all of those things and self-congratulating itself on concluding it. Funnily enough, Q-Force had examples of doing this right and doing this right. Right way: In the second or third episode where Mary found that guy with the flash drive to the uranium in it and seduced him in the gay bar. Relevant that it was gay without overtly drawing attention to it. Wrong-Way: Having Pride go on while Girl Boss was trying to take over the world.

And, for the show that promoted itself as representing the gay experience, there were...two gay men, one lesbian, one trans person, one straight guy and...no bisexual people. Also no nonbinary people. Like of course it's unrealistic to include every single identity but you're one bisexual person who appeared for one episode and was promptly blown up. And also showed to be...more off than the other characters, what with the stealing of silverware and all. Just, bisexual people are already forgotten enough as it is and not including them in the show, but you include two gay men just kinda reads as tasteless to me (as a bisexual person, obviously).

Which makes it so weird that Stat was left "ambiguously gay" when she could've easily been bisexual (which still would be problematic because of the robot-fucking but at least you got the B in there somewhere in the main group)

Overall, it tried to market itself as the "be all end all" of what it was like to be gay, but ended up excluding the exact people that get excluded in real-life lgbt spaces. This combined with the indecision with what kind of show it wanted to be managed to make it fall short. If you arent the very specific type of gay person who lives in a city environment and doesn't fit the stereotypes showed you're not going to feel "seen" by the show.

Weirdly though, I didn't hate watching it, and I would probably watch another season if they managed to make one. The parts that did work, I think worked really well, and even the bad parts just read as tasteless, and not actively terrible. If they focused less on making "hey I'm gay" jokes every three seconds and just let each character be what they are I think the show would be stronger for it. And I think they'd find less problems overall if they did that too. In the mean time I'll just be here side-eyeing the whole thing.

Edit: I forgot to mention, and this is a problem a lot of adult TV shows fall into, that because they got the clear to show nudity/sex they felt like they *had* to show nudity and to a lesser extent sex every episode. So just that whole "Haha adult=sex obviously."

Oh! And this generally goes for the whole "shove it in your face" part, but a lot of the characters who are bigoted were shown to be. Very blatantly so. And not to say there isn't blatantly bigoted ppl of course they are but I don't think that's where you see a lot of bigotry nowadays. This was sort of touched on during the show but more of a jokey manner, but I think it would've been more realistic if we had more "girl with a gay best friend" kinda bigotry as opposed to the "I'm literally hurling slurs at you" bigotry, especially since they're in Cali.

#like its a C+ I think #q-force #criticism #like there's a lot wrong with it but I thought it was kinda charming overall #like. you could have all those things that gays like in these characters but to every three seconds go #'i like this thing because I'm a lesbian' #just kinda got old after a while #juicy takes

[idealuk]

A Short, Almost Entirely Dialogue-Only, Future One-Off Based On Ian’s Unscrupulous Inability To Accept Debbie’s Sexuality

Mickey: You need to lay off it with Female Firecrotch.

Ian: She’s not a lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, or any thing else other than straight, my gaydar’s second-to-none, this “confused” phase is only going to bring even more drama to this house, and, seeing as we’re both out on parole, I’d like to avoid as much of that shit as we possibly can.

Mickey: Bitch, please, you didn’t know that my ass is gay until about 5 seconds before your dick was inside of it ... when you tried to mug me in my shit show of a home for the piece that I stole off of your first old fuck with a beard, 10 years later, it’s still blowin’ your mind how much I’m always down for you, and they (referring to Debbie and the two individuals she’d been flirting with when Ian started to give her grief which resulted in her suggesting that they go play with Franny in the front yard instead of staying indoors) looked pretty drama-free to me, so lighten, and ease, the-hell up, Gay Jesus, ... and why is it that you’re the one with that pseudonym when I gotta’ point out to you that you’re talkin’ out of your ass like you’re the only one of us with a little sister dumb fucks would call “confused”? You don’t hear me callin’ Molly ‘Matviyko,’ or calling her a he, just because she has a dick.

Ian: A: The fact that they had wives as beards is proof of my gaydar. B: So, now you’re fucking a ‘dumb fuck’?, and I’m surprised that you know Molly even exists ... or what a pseudonym is (earning himself a faked out elbow to his ribs from his boyfriend).

Mickey: (Using the remote from the Gallagher couch, having been sitting there next to Ian since lunchtime, to select a movie from Netflix on the Gallagher television) I’m in love with a ‘dumb fuck,’ and he better love me back, and shut the-fuck up and watch this movie with me if he wants boning privileges tonight.

Ian: As if you could ever resist me or my cock, ... and you know that I’ve loved you from the start, Mick. ... 15 and that shit’s not goin’ away.

(... 7 minutes later, Debbie comes back in, volleying between playing tonsil hockey with a long-haired blond guy (Duran) and playing tonsil hockey with a yet-to-be-namely-introduced peach-and-purple-dyed-haired curvaceous girl of Pacific Island descent, as Franny toddles in behind them and makes a B-line for the kitchen to stay out of their way, and Avan Jogia appears on the screen.)

Liam: Hey, Ian ... (still seemingly mesmerized by Avan, and his adorkable mock salute, and gaining both his brother’s, and Mickey’s, attention from the side chair), I’m also not straight. ... Necessarily (Jogia’s first appearance was quickly followed by a shot of ‘Big & Booty’ magazine covers). Deal with it.

Mickey: Ha! Looks like you don’t have sole reign as the homo messiah, any more, Gallagher, even in your own casa, and, with Lip and Tami as their parents, (tilts his head in the direction of the kitchen where Franny is trying to convince Jabby and Pukey that she can help them feed her baby cousin) you know that, at least, that kid’s going to turn out to be one of us if not also Mini Deb, too, so you might need a new token.

Liam: It doesn’t w-- ... Never mind.

Ian: No matter what, you’ll always be the gayest thing about this family, don’t worry your proud power-bottom self, king of my heart, your status is secure.

(Liam screws up his face while raising an eyebrow at Ian’s lingering ignorance)

Mickey: Fuck you, then marry me already, ... prince (mimicking his lover’s taunting vibrato).

Ian: Okay.

(Mickey pauses the movie and shares a stare with Ian that properly contradicts how Ian has just responded as though he’d been asked if he wanted some discounted food from his favourite take-out joint.)

Liam: (Rolling his eyes) Can we go back to watching ‘Shaft’ now? It just started!

Mickey: (Tossing the remote to Liam) You watch ‘Shaft’. I’m going to go use your brother’s shaft to help your sister fill the house with sounds of queer bangin’ (yanking the toned-muscled ginger up off of the couch so forcefully that he has a slight tinge of fear that he’s hurt him until it immediately goes away when he sees the mega-watt smile on Ian’s face beaming down upon him).

Ian: (From the middle of the front stairwell) ... ‘The Married One’.

Mickey: (Looking back at him from where he stood above him) Hmm (having barely heard him over Liam turning the movie back on and the volume up)?

Ian: My new token as a Gallagher. ‘The Married One’.

Mickey: (Commencing his race to their bedroom, passed the room with the noises that the threesome was making, and unable to tamper his own joy and neediness) Fuck if that’s not the one that sticks (stripping Ian of his shirt once they’re inside before claiming hands cling with undue desperation and skilled mouths begin to devour each other in a familiar occurrence that would only be multiplied in the years to come).

------------

[Also on AO3]

#shameless us #shameless #gallavich #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #debbie gallagher #franny gallagher #molly milkovich #liam gallagher #duran #lip gallagher #tami dameti #avan jogia #ian x mickey #ianxmickey #ianmickey #mickey x ian #mickeyxian #mickeyian #fic

[crashdevlin]

Plus One

Author’s Note: Written for @spnfanficpond Galentine’s Day for @coffee-obsessed-writer It’s a day early, girl, so treat yo self

Also written for @spnkinkbingo, filling my Meet Cute square

Summary: When y/n is forced to learn to dance for her ex’s wedding, she meets a certain green-eyed man whose brother thinks he doesn’t have any rhythm.

Pairing(s): Dean X bisexual!Reader, Past OFC x Reader

Word Count: 4772

Warnings: ballroom dancing, fluffiness, bad flirting, little bit of dirty talk, 18+ HERE BE SEX DON’T READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!!!  protected sex, oral sex (fem rec), fingering,

Wanna enhance your fanfic experience? Get Dean’s hydrosol from @scentsfromthebunker

You grimaced as you walked into the large open room with the mirrored walls. You were the only one in the room below the age of sixty. You didn’t want to be there. You wanted to walk out, entry fee be damned, but you had to learn or you were going to make a fool of yourself. Probably do that, anyway.

You sat on a bench in the far corner and waited for the instructor to show up. You were picking at your cuticles when the door opened and the most handsome man you’d ever seen walked in. You thought he might be the instructor for a moment, as he was about your age which put him a good twenty years younger than anyone else taking the class, but he surveyed the room and then moved to lean against the non-mirrored wall near the door. He crossed his arms over his chest and you couldn’t help but notice the way his biceps bulged under his plain black tee. Your eyes flicked to his left hand and you were happy to see there wasn’t a ring there, but you didn’t let your hopes up. He could be here to learn for his wedding.

The instructor was a woman who must’ve been in her seventies and she looked like she’d smell like the inside of a craft store. When she told everyone to pair up, the handsome man made a beeline for you, which made you smile. “You already got a dance partner, sweetheart?” His voice was deep, his eyes a brilliant green and you found yourself frozen for a moment as you wondered how this man was a real human being.

“Uh, no. I’m a solo.”

“Not anymore, you’re not. I’m Dean.” He offered you his hand, which seemed huge.

“Y/n,” you said, standing and taking the hand. Yeah, it was huge and you could feel calluses on his fingertips when they brushed your wrist.

“Go ahead and take a few minutes to get to know your partners. We’ll start on basics of stance in five minutes,” Mrs. Philips said.

You smiled, nervously, up at Dean. “So, we, uh, appear to be on the younger end of the spectrum in this classroom.”

“Well, thanks for sayin’ I look young.” He flashed a brilliant smile full of perfect teeth. “So, y/n, what brings you to an intro ballroom dance class?”

You really liked the sound of your name on his lips. “You first, Dean.”

He chuckled, hands going into his pants pockets. “My brother’s taking an introductory painting class with our… with this kid we take care of. He saw they were offering the dance course and signed me up without asking me, because he says that I have no rhythm.” He shook his head like he disagreed. “Your turn, y/n.”

You stalled for a minute, wondering if you should be completely honest with the stranger or alter it to avoid issue. The earnest look on his face made you decide on honesty. “My ex-girlfriend is getting married next month.”

You could swear his face fell a little at that. “Oh?”

“Yeah, and I was the complete idiot who made good on the whole ‘We can still be friends’ part of the breakup, so I'm now Bridesmaid Number Three and she's made it clear that I'm expected to participate in all aspects of the wedding, including this ridiculous and awkward choreographed ballroom dance between the bridesmaids and groomsmen. Guess she forgot that I can't dance.”

Dean scoffed. “Wow. Sounds like a high-maintenance bitch.”

You laughed. “Yeah, well, the guy she cheated on me with is a major league asshole, so they're a match made in Hell.”

Questions filled Dean's green eyes. “Oh, so she's not a-”

You cut him off before he could say the ‘L’ word. “Nah. Unapologetic bisexuals, the both of us. Just, one of us thought they needed to have a girlfriend and a boyfriend and the other knew what ‘exclusive’ means.”

“Wow. If you don't mind me asking, why are you still friends with this bitch? I'd’ve cut her off a long time ago.”

You shrugged, looking past Dean to Mrs. Phillips, who was doing the rounds meeting the new students. “Started out that I genuinely didn't want to lose her and now it's more obligation. The LGBT community here in Kansas is a little exclusionary. They tend to ignore anything beyond the first two letters.”

“Didn’t know there was so much gatekeeping around that shit. Learn something new every day,” he said, smirking. “And you'd think they'd know about the Kinsey Scale.”

You laughed. “Not what I was expecting you to say.”

“Good evening! I'm Mrs. Phillips, what are your names, dears?”

“Dean Winchester.”

“Y/n Y/l/n.”

“Well, welcome, welcome, we'll be starting momentarily.”

Dean watched as the woman walked away before turning back to you. “She smell like cinnamon sticks and moth balls, to you?”

You snickered under your breath. “It's weird because that's exactly what she looks like she smells like!”

You enjoyed easy conversation with the man… until it came time to embrace and work on your positioning. He took your right hand in his left and set his right hand on your back, just under your shoulder blade. You felt like you couldn’t breathe. You tried to look away from him, but his green eyes kept calling to you. There was no conversation after that. You were little better than mute for the entirety of the time his hands were on you.

When the class ended, he smiled as he stepped back from you. “Will you be here on Thursday?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool. I’ll try to be here, too. Wouldn’t wanna leave you without a partner.”

~~~~~~~~~~

The next few weeks, every Monday and Thursday was spent in deep anticipation of the night class. Dean had only missed one class, the third Thursday, and he’d showed up on Monday with a face full of healing bruises and an apology on those full lips.

“You don’t need to apologize, Dean. I mean, you obviously had some sort of accident… or maybe you got in a bar fight?” you asked, gesturing at his face.

He laughed. “Uh, yeah, something like that. I still wanted to be here, though.”

You smiled as you took up a waltz with him. “Your brother’s wrong, by the way. You’ve got all kinds of rhythm.”

“Ah, I’m glad he was wrong in this instance. Never woulda met you if he hadn’t signed me up.”

“This might be…” You looked down, blushing. You couldn’t ask this question if you were looking in those damn eyes. “This might be a big ask, but did you maybe want to be my Plus One for Debbie’s wedding?”

“When is it?”

You ventured a look at his face. He was smiling and it made you bite your lip. “Valentine’s Day. How cliche, right?”

“Sure, I’d love to be your Valentine,” he said with a cocky smirk.

“You got a suit to wear? ‘Cause as much as I love the plaid look, I think Deb would probably throw a fit if someone showed up in something less than her rigorous dress code.”

“Have I mentioned that your ex sounds like a high-maintenance bitch?” he asked with a chuckle. “Yeah, I got a few suits. Don’t worry ‘bout it. I’ll have to give you my number after class, so we can coordinate. Where’s the wedding?”

“Kansas City. Not too far.”

“That’s good. ‘Cause I don’t fly and if it were a destination thing, we’d have to plan some extra travel time.”

You smiled. “You’re afraid of airplanes?”

“They’re flying deathtraps. I don’t know why everybody is so shocked when I say I’m scared of ‘em.”

You looked up into his bruised and battered face. “Because you aren’t afraid of whatever did that to your face? You’re big and strong and don’t seem like the type to piss his pants over being stuck in a metal tube 30,000 feet… you know what, that does sound scary.”

He smirked. “See? S’why I drive every damn place.” He adjusted his grip on your hand. “You think I’m big and strong?”

“And funny and handsome and oh, my god, I’m totally not flirting with you, I promise,” you said, your cheeks heating up as you looked down.

“Well, if you were, you’d be doing okay at it.”

You bit your lip and looked up again. He really was unnaturally handsome, even covered in bruises. “Is that face gonna be healed before Valentine’s Day?”

“Yeah. I got a friend who used to be a faith healer. He can get rid of these like magic.”

You laughed. “He used to be a faith healer?”

“Yeah. Other stuff became more important, but he still pulls out the mojo for me and my brother and Jack. The family, ya know?” He laughed. “You look so skeptical!”

“Look, this might be the Bible Belt, Dean, but not everyone believes so deeply.”

“Yeah, well, that’s the difference here. I know what Cas does works. Anyway… you don’t have to worry about it, y/n. I’ll be handsome again by Valentine’s,” he said with a wink that made you shiver.

“It’s completely unfair, Dean Winchester, that you’re so handsome while black and blue.”

“Oh, am I?” He smirked at you as you lost your footing and he had to shuffle not to step on you.

“Yes, you are. Distractingly so.”

“Well, you’ll have to work on that unless you wanna make an ass of yourself at Debbie’s wedding.”

You laughed. “Well, either way I win, Dean, because my date to her wedding is gonna be a lot hotter than hers.”

He laughed again and everything seemed a little bit brighter in the wake of that sound.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You and Dean met at the cheap motel you’d agreed to stay in. Rooms 14 and 15 to make things easy on the both of you. You spent two hours on your hair, another ninety minutes on your makeup. You could hear Dean watching what sounded like Scooby Doo in his room, yelling at Fred for being a ‘cheating douchebag’.

When you stepped out of the room in your lavender bridesmaid dress, you felt awkward and anxious. For some reason, it felt like you were going to your first school dance or something. Taking Dean to this wedding seemed to regress you back a couple decades. You knocked on his door, heard the television turn off as he got up to greet you. You gasped when the door opened to reveal him.

He was wearing a dark grey suit with a shiny patterned grey tie. He had a long black coat over it and he had his hair gelled up. He looked amazing. “Wow,” you both said, simultaneously, then both smiled a bit nervously.

“Purple is definitely a good color on you, sweetheart,” he continued, letting his eyes run down your body.

You chuckled, smoothing your hand down the front of the dress. “It’s technically ‘lavender’. She was very specific on the color of purple. But… thank you. You look breathtaking, as always.”

“I take your breath away?”

“Why do you always make me question what comes out of my mouth?” you asked, shaking your head as he stepped out of the room and secured the door behind him. “I’m certain that I’m not saying anything bad but then you smirk and you make it seem like I’m flirting poorly and you think that’s hilarious.”

“Oh, I don’t think it’s hilarious. I think it’s adorable,” he said, opening the passenger side door of his Chevy and helping you in.

He drove you to the wedding venue, a hotel with a beautiful outdoor area specifically designed for weddings. You were certain it was extremely expensive. Debbie was screaming in the bridal suite. You could hear it as you approached. You sighed, turning to Dean. “You should go get a seat. Hope your phone is fully charged. We’re probably gonna be a while.”

He nodded, pulling his headphones and cell phone out of his coat pocket. “Good luck with Bridezilla.”

Debbie was screaming about bobby pins. Apparently, whoever brought the pins had brought blond ones, not brown ones. It was a huge deal. As was the fact that there was only Diet Coke, not regular, and that there weren’t any electrical outlets next to the plush chair she wanted to sit in while she got her hair done. You found yourself wondering what you saw in that woman as you retrieved an extension cord and plugged a power strip into it.

“So, who’s your date? Did you bring a date? Because you’re paying for the steak plate if you RSVP’d for someone who doesn’t exist,” she bitched as the stylist pulled at her hair.

“He exists. He’s outside right now. And he wants some damn steak.”

“Who is he?”

“His name is Dean. I met him at the Rec Center in Lebanon.”

“And? What do you know about him?”

“About as much as you knew about Spencer when you started dating him. I know his name, I know his brother’s name, I know the name of the orphan they adopted when the kid's mother died, I know his best friend's name is Cas. I know he thinks he's funny but his brother thinks he's an idiot.” You shrugged. “I can learn more as the time goes.”

“You barely even know him and you brought him to my wedding?!”

“You barely even knew Spence when you left me for him, so…”

“Oh, don't even start this on my wedding day!”

“You started it,” you argued. “Look, I'm not trying to start a fight with you. Just don't judge Dean when you haven't even met him.”

“He better be amazing.”

That you managed to make it through Debbie getting ready to walk down the aisle without you or one of the other bridesmaids bashing her over the head with that vase of long-stemmed roses she kept bragging about, was a miracle. You were beyond relieved when it came time to grab your small bouquet of tiny purple daisies and walk the aisle. You smiled at Dean as you passed him, and he pulled his headphones and gave a small wave.

“Whoa. That's your date?” the Maid of Honor, Brittany, whispered. “I gotta hang out at the Rec Center more often. Wow!”

“You said he has a brother?” the other bridesmaid, Amber, asked.

“Yeah, but I haven't met him, yet. He might be a troll. I don't know. I'll let you know.”

The groomsmen looked all right in their black tuxes, but your eyes kept gravitating toward Dean in his suit. Even as the crowd turned to watch Debbie walk down the aisle in her dress with the mile-long train, her breasts on display with her sweetheart bodice, your eyes were stuck on him… and he was looking at you. “Well, damn, looks like we might be at another wedding this time next year. Someone’s givin’ you the moon eyes,” Amber said.

“Shut up,” you whispered, fiercely. Debbie was halfway down the aisle, if she heard anyone talking about anything other than her on her big day, she’d flip out. You zoned out when Debbie got to the altar. Spencer’s vows were ripped off from Cory from Boy Meets World and you seemed to be the only one who noticed. Debbie’s vows boiled down to ‘you made my life better with all the stuff you’ve given me’ and you had to literally fight back a yawn. When they kissed, you gave a little golf clap. “Can we eat now?” you whispered as the newlyweds ran down the aisle toward the reception hall together, laughing happily.

“Pictures,” Brittany said, rolling her eyes. “Then food. I gotta go help.”

Dean approached as you followed Brittany toward the reception hall. “Well, that was…”

“You don’t have to say it, Dean.”

“You know the groom stole his vows from a TGI Friday show, right?”

You snorted. “I thought I was the only one who noticed!”

“As soon as he said, ‘Ever since I was young, I never understood anything about the world’ I knew it. I used to watch the hell outta some Boy Meets World. Topanga was hot as fuck.”

“She still is! Did you see the sequel series they did? About the Matthews kids? She’s still super hot. Lawyer-milf in a skirt suit, yes please.” Dean put his arm around your shoulders as you followed a line toward the reception. You liked the warmth and leaned into him. “So, she’s gonna do her sunset pictures with Cory Matthews and then they’re going to do their first dance. Then there’s the first round of toasts, gonna be from Debbie and from Spencer’s dad. Then we get to eat. I’m starving.”

“You should’ve said. I’ve got a bag of M&M’s in my pocket.”

“Thanks, but we’ve got steak waiting for us.”

“And when do you gotta dance? And which one of those douchebags do you have to dance with?”

“After dinner and after Brittany and Mark do their toasts. Instead of the usual Daddy/Daughter dance, Debbie decided that the bridal party need to dance, instead. So, I get to dance with Jeff. Jeff’s the one that looks like Shaggy.”

“Oh, the goateed one.” You nodded. “Okay. Well, when they open the dance floor up, you and me can show ‘em what Mrs. Phillips has taught us.”

You laughed as he pulled away to pull out your seat at the round table closest to the long high-set table that Debbie, Spencer, Mark, Brittany and Spencer’s parents were going to be sitting. “If they play anymore waltzes after we get done with the Maids and Men dance, I’ll definitely show off with you, Dean,” you said as he pushed your chair in for you.

“I’m gonna request it,” he teased, sitting in the chair next to you.

“Oh, hush.” You leaned your head on his shoulder as the rest of the wedding guests poured into the hall and took their places at their designated tables. About fifteen minutes later, Debbie and Spencer entered. They immediately went into their first dance, two minutes of ‘A Thousand Years’ by Christina Perri. “A song from Twilight. Really?” you whispered to Dean who chuckled.

“Why do you know that song is from Twilight?”

“Because Debbie’s Team Jacob and it was impossible to avoid when we were dating. I know things about that series I never wanted to know,” you answered, watching Debbie try to dance with that train behind her. Spencer tripped on it twice in the two minute song.

The welcome toasts were mostly just Debbie patting herself on the back for being so beautiful and getting a man who could pay for the wedding she always wanted and Spencer patting himself on the back for marrying a chick as ‘freaky’ as Debbie. The steak was well-done, because obviously no one knows how to cook a damn steak, and the baked potato was wrinkly and dry.

But Dean made things better. He joked through the dinner, kept his arm across the back of your chair so that you knew he was there, and gave quiet commentary as Mark and Brittany gave their toasts. He gave rapt attention as the bridesmaids and groomsmen all stood and walked to the middle of the dance floor. You matched up with Jeff, took your stance and waited for the music. You were nervous but as soon as ‘Once Upon a December’ came on, you let your mind go back to Dean holding you as the crazy old lady taught you how to dance.

Jeff was supposed to lead, but you ended up leading him around the dance floor and two and a half minutes later, all three bridesmaids were folded on the floor in an artful dance pose. You hated it, but you smiled at Debbie’s guests and let Jeff help you up. “That was…” Dean started as you sat down. He looked around before leaning closer to you. “Pretentious bullshit. Debbie choreograph that?”

You nodded, chuckling. “She’s a big Disnerd. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that Anastasia isn’t Disney,” you whispered as Debbie and Spencer got up to cut the cake. They smashed the pastry into each other’s mouths, then Debbie demanded all the single women to line up behind her for the bouquet toss. You rolled your eyes and went to the back of the crowd. After the pushing and shoving was done and one of Debbie’s twice-divorced aunts had the bouquet in her hands, they opened the dance floor and the DJ turned on some pop music.

You were bouncing happily to some P!NK song when Dean approached with a drink from the bar and handed it to you. “You look like you need a little social lubrication.” You sniffed at the plastic cup and raised an eyebrow at him. “It’s a screwdriver. Who doesn’t like vodka and orange juice?” You laughed and took a drink. “And when the DJ plays my request, we’ll need you a little loose.”

“What request?”

“You’ll see.”

Another four songs of pop and old R&B and an old rock song came on. Dean smiled brightly. “What is this?” you asked as he pulled you from the edge of the dance floor to the middle of it.

“Kashmir. It’s got three-four time,” he explained, wrapping his arm around you and taking your hand in his.

“The drums are in four-four, though.”

“Just listen to the guitar, then.” As Led Zeppelin played, you didn’t listen much. You focused on letting your body be led by his, the way he held you to him and spun you around the dance floor. You focused on his eyes and the way they crinkled at the corners when he smiled as brightly as he was smiling. You focused on those perfect teeth in that smile and the freckles across his cheekbones and, as the song came to the instrumental outro, you focused on those full pink lips crashing into yours.

You dropped his hand, slipping your hands up around his neck to pull him down further into the kiss as he wrapped his arms around you to pull your body harder against his. “Dean,” you whispered when you had to pull away to breathe. “My room or yours?”

“What, Debbie doesn’t have some grand exit planned that you’ve gotta be here for?”

You laughed. “She can run to the limo with one less sparkler lighting her way. She’s a high-maintenance bitch. Get me out of here.”

“Gladly,” he said, grabbing your hand and running for the exit. You were laughing as you swiped your purse off the table on your way out, ignoring the looks from Debbie, Brittany and several of the other guests. You were sure you’d never see most of them again.

Your phone was going off with texts before you even made it to the interstate, Debbie admonishing you for leaving, Brittany cheering you on and Amber just letting you know that Debbie was livid. You left your phone in your purple clutch purse on the seat of his car as he guided you toward his room. “I've got condoms in my bag,” he said, pushing his door open and pulling you in with him.

He made a beeline for his duffel bag and you admired the swell of his ass as he bent over. He pulled out a box of Trojans and set it on the side table as he sat on the edge of the bed and smiled at you. “As good as you look in that dress, y/n, why don't you go ahead and take it off.”

“You first, Dean,” you responded with a smile.

He smirked and stood, pulling his suit jacket off and tossing it at the chair in the corner. His hands went to his tie next, loosening it and pulling it off. As he started unbuttoning his shirt, you got impatient, moving forward and grabbing his belt. He kept removing his shirt, throwing it at the chair and missing as you pulled the button on his slacks. He grabbed your wrists to stop you as you went to unzip his zipper. “Your turn, y/n,” he said as he toed his shoes off. You reached to your right side and pulled your zipper down, letting the dress drop to your feet. “Damn. I’ve been waiting for this since I walked into Mrs. Phillips’ class. Worth the wait.” He dropped his slacks and boxers to the floor at his feet.

You pulled your bra off, tossing it across the room and eagerly slipping your panties down your legs. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him into a fierce kiss, your tongue slipping into his mouth and sliding against his. He grasped your hips and pulled you against him as he fell to the bed. The give-and-take, the taking turns, ended there as Dean took complete control of the situation. His hands groped their way down your body, learning where you were most sensitive and following his hands with his mouth to seek those places out.

To call Dean an enthusiastic lover would be an understatement. You had never had someone so attentive, giving off happy moans as he licked at your folds, praising the taste of you and making sure every move he made was well-received. Your orgasm was a slow build of two of his fingers fucking in and out of you, his tongue lapping at your clit lazily. He was taking his time, not racing to your finish line like every other lover you'd had. When you came, it wasn't an explosion or a tsunami, it was a succession of small waves of pleasure crashing into your nerves one after another until your breath was forced from your lungs.

“Dean,” you called, breathlessly beckoning him up from between your thighs. He crawled up your body, licking his lips. “Fuck me. I want to feel you inside me.”

He smirked as he reached over and grabbed a condom, tearing the foil open and quickly rolling the latex down his length. He pressed his lips to yours as he slotted himself between your legs again. He notched the head of his cock at your entrance and let out a deep groan as he slid in to the base of him. “Jesus, woman. You're fucking tight.”

You wrapped your legs around his waist, heels digging into the small of his back. “Please move,” you whined.

He chuckled as he started to kiss along your jaw. “No patience, y/n?” he whispered in your ear.

“No. No time for patience. Fuck me, Dean. We've waited long enough.”

He slid his hips backward and eased in again, lazily, slowly, taking his time just as he had when he was eating you. “We got all the time in the world, sweetheart. I'm gonna make you cum ‘til you can't fucking move. Then I'm gonna get you back to Lebanon and I'm gonna fuck you some more.”

He started a slow rhythm, swiveling his hips and nibbling and licking at your neck. You met each movement of his hips, your heels in his back working as leverage. That is, until he pulled your legs free of his waist and pressed your knees up into your chest. When he picked up his speed, you squealed and squeezed your eyes closed. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” you rambled, almost chanting as he fucked you harder. “Dean, oh my god!”

“You almost there, baby?”

“Uh-huh. Y-you?” You opened your eyes and caught his lust-blown green ones.

“Yeah. Wanna get you there first, though.” He brought his right hand down to your hip and swept his thumb across your clit.

Your second orgasm hit you like a ton of bricks, a guttural moan pulling from your throat as your vaginal walls clenched and fluttered around his cock. He managed another three thrusts before his hips stuttered and he slammed forward to the hilt, spilling into the condom. He captured your lips again, both of you panting in the afterglow. You both moaned as he pulled his softening cock out of you.

He tied the condom off and threw it in the waste bin before dropping to the bed next to you. You chuckled as you snuggled into his chest. “Your brother really is wrong about you.” You looked up at him with a smile. “You've got amazing rhythm.”

He chuckled and held you close. “Gimme some recovery time and we'll dance again, y/n.”

KITCHEN SINK TAGS @heyitscam99 @wonderlandfandomkingdom @unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt @mrs-meghan-winchester @henrymorganme @lonely-skys @allykat2108 @mogaruke @flamencodiva @team-free-will-you-idjits-67 @pisces-cutie @paintballkid711 @natura1phenomenon @rainbowkisses31 @atc74 @alagalaska

HUNTER TAGS @letsby @mrswhozeewhatsis @adoptdontshoppets @spnskinnyballs @deansenwackles @gayspacenerd @thewhiterabbit42 @dolphincliffs

GAGA FOR GREEN EYES TAGS @akshi8278

#cassie writes stuff #spn #spn fanfic #reader-insert #dean/reader #fluff #meet cute #galentine's day

[ahp-discourse]

Actual examples of why I know that the whole “WE’RE PROTECTING THE LGBT+ COMMUNITY” excuse of exclusionists is absolute bullshit.   These are all things that have been said to me, a disabled bi woman that is also an inclusionist:

--

Me: -makes a post, talking about the fact that bi people were not always openly welcomed by other members of the LGBT+ community- Exclusionist: “I get that you’re mentally retarded and I understand that it may be hard to grasp why you’re being asked not to speak on things you don’t know, but it’s not because of your retardation it’s because you clearly aren’t 100% deficient and know better than to claim you know lgbt history when you dont”

--

Me:  -identified at the time as biromantic ace, asked people repeatedly not to call me bisexual as I wasn’t sure what I felt in terms of sexual attraction- Exclusionist: “Bisexual also means romantic desires and romantic relationships.  To tie bisexuality inherently to sex is biphobic”

--

Me:  -identified at the time as biromantic ace, asked people repeatedly not to call me bisexual as I wasn’t sure what I felt in terms of sexual attraction- Exclusionist: “You ARE bisexual, though.  You’re attracted to multiple genders.  YES, you’re bisexual.  Insisting that to be bisexual, you need to have sexual relationships with people is biphobic”

--

Me: -makes a post, asking people to not be assholes- Exclusionist: “Grow up and learn to deal with conflict or stay out of discourse, nerd” Another Exclusionist: “You seem to have such a desire to be a victim.”... “Genuinely, sincerely, need to seek help”

--

Me: -makes a post calling out a person who reblogged a post that said I would be “crushed by the cogs of capitalism and that will be its only success”

Exclusionists:  “LOL this was such a smart way to get the attention you crave huh debs?” Another Exclusionist: “Damn you’re real obssessed with them.  That’s fucking creepy you old bitch”

--

Me:  -reblogs a funny post about ‘if you can’t do the monkey bars, you gay’ and adds a ‘maybe so’ gif- Exclusionists:  "ur not gay debra ur a straight girl with an inferiority complex”

--

Me: -talks about being agoraphobic and disabled due to the agoraphobia- Exclusionists:  Why do you call yourself disabled? You have agoraphobia LOL 

--

Me: -talks about being agoraphobic and asks that people not tell me to go outside, since I cannot due to a disability- Exclusionists:  -proceed to send me no less than 10 asks in a row that all say ‘go outside’-

--

Me: -does not hesitate to share posts about things I believe in- Exclusionists: “LMAO you are...... pathetic.  Like its literally depressing to know there’s a woman pushing 30 who is like this”

--

Me:  -publicly calls out ableism- Exclusionist:  “Oh honey, one mentally ill person to another:  You’re a fucking freak.  Absolutely embarrassing and willfully ignorant too”

--

Me: -points out how it is ableist to tell a disabled person to do something they cannot do due to a disability- Exclusionist: “I met ur male counterpart and he’s equally awful and stupid as u”   

(please note: the exclusionist in this example purposefully evaded a block just to send me that, using a separate blog that I didn’t know about)

--

Me:  -asks people to respect that I cannot be called ‘stupid’ as it is triggering memories of childhood abuse, speaks openly about other traumas that I’ve gone through so that someone out there may realize that they are not alone- Exclusionist: “debi stop crying about all your ‘traumas’, we get it you’re fragile”

--

Me:  -reclaims ‘queer’ for myself and says something along the lines of “I’m here, I’m queer - get over it” Exclusionists:  “You don’t know what I’m here and I’m queer means, even if you’re bi”

--

Me:  -asks an anon to quit calling me a bitch- Exclusionist: “You do realize, these are all different people calling you a bitch right? Maybe it means hmmm you havent really shown them a reason to not call you a bitch”

--

Me: -asks people to quit being ableist- Exclusionist: “Oh My God get the fuck over yourself you actual fucking insect”

--

Me: -makes some random post- Exclusionist: “God I’m so sad that you made it to 27 and are still this dumb”

--

#Ace Discourse #Bi Discourse #Discourse #Ableism #Receipts can be provided for each of these

[koganphrancis]

Camless Episode 4

(gif credit: winifred-burkle)

It’s a landmark episode and not a lot happens, as always.  If they didn’t have the fact it was the 100th episode to talk about, they’d pretty much have nothing at all.  Another episode without bringing up Terror (yay!), another episode without sex or a titty shot (shock!), another episode where we learn nothing about wtf is going on with Ian (yawn).  I HAD thought the show had managed to wrap up 3 storylines, but then I saw spoilers online last night that would indicate at least 2 of them will go on :(  Spoilers and not much else under the cut.

Ian got the “here’s what you missed” again this week, which I’m taking as another sign Cam is nearing the swan song ;)  But, ugh,the opening wasn’t funny-or understandable-at all.  Cam’s standing in front of a busload of extras they must’ve bussed in from a local Chicago school of modeling to portray Gay Jesus supporters, he’s wearing his “God Loves Fags” T shirt and says, “What the fuck were you doing last week that was more important than watching Shameless?  Protesting homophobia and bigotry?  Damn right you were.”  WTF?  If people weren’t watching Shameless last week they were exercising good taste, not “protesting” somewhere at 9 PM on a Sunday-or does he mean not watching this shit show is a protest against homophobia and bigotry?  That actually does make sense.  I apologize ;P

Liam  Whatever the point was of aging him and doing a time jump after Monica died went out the window last night when Liam is approached by some public school teachers about his placement for the next school year.  Liam is afraid he’s going to be kept back, but they assure him it’s the opposite, they want to move him up.  He asks if he’ll be put in 3rd grade, but they say they want to try him in 6th.  But if Liam thought skipping a grade would put him in 3rd, that means currently he’s in 1st and the oldest that would make him right now is 7.  The fuck?  The only reason I’m talking about any of this is because that’s how lame the show is now.

Carl  Lip FINALLY says something to him about the dogs smelling up the whole house.  And then shockingly Ian and Carl have a conversation about the dogs too-and West Point.  But of course this is the year of the Gallagher house seeming weird and creepy, so the conversation takes place with a very catatonic-like Ian sitting on the basement steps in weird shadows whilst Carl feeds the dogs.  The brotherly convo goes like this: Ian: Sure they wouldn’t have been better off if you just gassed them like you were supposed to? Carl: I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I: How are you going to order men (note to JW-women can serve in the armed forces now too, even in combat) to kill the enemy if you can’t put down a couple of old dogs?  That’s what officers do-order men (!!!) to kill.  What did you think they were gonna teach you at West Point?  Marching cadences? C: Is that what Gay Jesus would do? I: What, kill old dogs?  Hell no, Gay Jesus is all about inclusion and grace, but you’re not looking to get into heaven.  You want to lead lean mean murdering machines.  (DID ANYONE EVER THINK THAT WAS IAN’S GOAL IN GOING TO WEST POINT?  LEADING KILLING MACHINES TO THEIR DEATHS?  I HATE YOU, JOHN WELLS!)  If you can’t kill a couple of old dogs might be the time to start considering teaching kindergarten?  Nursing school?  

On that note, he gets up and walks away.  Let me interject another rant here-since WHEN is Ian this insensitive sexist jerk who would think of jobs/careers in terms of things real men do vs. traditionally (in the dark ages) “feminine” jobs?  John Wells is a fucking dinosaur that needs to be educated-fucking teaching and nursing jobs are as difficult as soldiering, plus these days they’re expecting teachers to start protecting classrooms with weapons.  He’s such a dumb fuck!

And also-I bet this is the only time Ian will speak to Carl about West Point and we’ll never know how he truly felt about watching Carl grasp at the dream he once had.  Way to blow the opportunity.

There’s a whole stupid side story about Carl and the kid who originally was getting the West Point letter of recommendation.  In another add it to the list of “read the room, school kids arranging to shoot each other isn’t funny, you fucking out of touch white males” plots, Carl needs to get his “killing mojo” back so he goes to visit a local veteran.  I can’t even begin to guess if Wells was trying to make some commentary about PTSD or if he was just using the poor guy for laughs (this is Shameless, as they love to remind us, so I’m guessing Wells was just going for yuks).  The show makes its at least THIRD joke using tattoos as a punchline, and-just like with Mickey and Ian-it fails to be funny.  Get new material, you untalented hack!  Sorry I keep yelling at John Wells-what a waste if he’s not actually reading this ;) 

In Carl’s showdown with the other kid, Wells turns that kid into a poetry-spouting “pansy” at the last second.  The kid can’t bring himself to shoot Carl, so he shoots himself in the thigh saying his warmonger dad can’t make him enlist in the Marines now even if he’s not going to West Point.  I’m sitting at home wondering if the idiot nicked his femoral artery and is about to bleed out.  Carl says the self inflicted wound is just a flesh wound and they’ll be able to tell, so the kid starts blabbering poetry and Carl shoots him in the other thigh to shut him up.  The kid thanks him and Carl walks away.   Now I’m convinced that second shot had to hit the femoral artery and no one’s calling 911 and I bet the kid dies and Carl’s path to West Point is now strewn with his body and Kassidi’s.  

Debbie  I can’t...I’ll try, I’ll try to be brief, because it’s all meaningless.  After spending one night together, Alex says they should live together (because that’s what ALL wacky lesbians do, they move right in), and Debs says yes.  They get to have a cute domestic breakfast scene that by rights should’ve gone to Mickey and Ian, but I digress.  Debbie goes out and buys “lesbian” outfits, which to me just seemed like they were making fun of HER-of course she’s going to hit the mall, she’s just a teenager!  She doesn’t have to be the spokeswomen of lesbians everywhere.  This show has a knack of mocking the wrong things at the wrong times.  It’s their shitty writing, not teen spending habits, that’s ridiculous here.

The next time we see them, they’re in bed again, and Alex is filling Debbie in on her past serious relationships, and then Wells gives Debbie a speech about all the dudes she slept with and it’s so much more cringe-worthy thinking about the fact he wrote it.  Plus it’s another “relationship retcon” speech since Debbie doesn’t mention that every other time she’s had sex it was a form of rape.  Matty (who Wells has Debbie say had a “big dick”) wasn’t conscious (and, btw, John, a 12 year old virgin-which is the oldest Debbie could’ve been at the time with all your screwing around with her still being 16 last year-wouldn’t be all that enthusiastic about “big dicks” for her very 1st time), Derrick (who she lied to about birth control-if he had slipped off a condom right before entering her that would be rape and this case is also-Wells says he had a great body and really knew what he was doing), and the guy she crossed state lines with who was obviously over 21 if he could rent a hotel room in Missouri, PLUS she was drugged and unable to give consent-that dude’s a two for!  Debbie doesn’t mention him, since she can’t remember him, I guess.  She brings up Neil, but says being with him was just financial (she doesn’t bother to say he just watched while she did things to herself.  But hey, if they had had sex, that would’ve been another case of statutory!)  Anyway, then Wells has Debbie spout off about what having sex with another “girl” is like and Alex gets more and more dejected.  She’s just now seeing that Debbie’s not gay?  We’re supposed to feel sorry for her?  When in the previous episode which SEEMS to have taken place the day before (or a couple of weeks, tops, if you’re going by Liam’s time line) Alex said right out loud that she knew Debbie was straight?  WHY IS THIS SHOW SO DUMB?  We haven’t gotten to know Alex well enough to have sympathy for her regardless, but they made the point of letting us know she KNEW going in Debbie is straight.  And of course in John Wells’ world, there’s no such thing as bisexuals, so...

Deb and Alex “break up” (who cares?) and I thought that would be the end of Alex and Debbie’s gay storyline, but no-sounds like they’re going to be the new Ian and Terror-next week “Debbie tries to repair things with Alex” according to Spoiler TV.  NOOOOO!  I wanted that to be one of my three wrapped up storylines!  

Debbie comes back into the Gallagher kitchen, dragging her baby carriage and pillow with her and crying her heart out.  None of the siblings appear very concerned-this is the new Shameless, a bunch of strangers occasionally bumping into each other.  The biggest “shocker” of the scene is the family is eating Popeye’s instead of KFC.  Another jolt that we don’t even know these people anymore, LOL.

Lip  I can’t...I just don’t understand the motivation to try to make Xan part of his life when he doesn’t seem to be bonding with her in the least.  He asks her if she’d want to stay with him if her mom never comes back-but doesn’t tell the kid why HE wants her to stay or ask Xan why she would want to stay when she says okay.  The story is hollow and no one seems to try to be filling it with any substance.  

There’s a couple of scenes at the motorcycle shop and it’s so obvious Lip and Brad have no idea what they’re doing-they always just grab wrenches and poke at bike parts with them.  Last night Lip kept using the ratchet wrench-I think JAW must like the noise it makes.  

Lip sells the bike he restored to get money to buy parental rights from Xan’s mom, and it’s just creepy?  Why would the mom know to trust him?  I’m still not even convinced WE should trust him-sharing a room with her is creepy af.  Anyway, Xan comes running up when Lip’s trying to get the mom to make the deal (and why is Xan out unsupervised in the middle of the night on a dark South Side street?  Even if she did “just” sneak out to look for her mom, this is a clear example that Lip isn’t father of the year, that he’s not meeting the bare minimum requirements as a guardian), and the mom drops to hug Xan because it’s the 100th episode and these two characters we barely know should get the big emotional scene?  Anyway, Lip drops the check and runs, overwhelmed by an actual show of emotion, no doubt.  THIS was the 2nd storyline I was hoping would be over, but then TMZ reported that the actress who plays Xan has been signed for Season 10.  Which, BTW, still hasn’t been officially announced and that just seems weird that they haven’t.  What is Showtime waiting for?  

Fiona  Ugh, she was worse than ever this week.  Can’t believe these are her waning days-it truly seems like Wells is out to punish her.  Fi is on the toilet as Bored brushes his teeth.  Fiona goes right from flushing to brushing her teeth WITHOUT WASHING HER HANDS.  It was so gross-I hope next episode she and Bored have pink eye and mouth thrush.  (Fi also touches her lip after putting on lipstick-still without the benefit of soap.)  They still have no fucking chemistry, and they start talking about the election which of course they don’t see eye to eye on.  Then Fi goes to Patsy’s for the first time in forever and Wells gets to recycle the Fi vs Ian fight over gentrification from last season by having Fi on the opposite side of Frank’s candidate, although they don’t bother to give us any face-to-face interaction.  Which is just fine, since the election storyline was boring and weak anyway.  

Fi is a total...I don’t even know the word-what do you call a boss who doesn’t allow their workers their freedom as voters?  She tells the waitresses to take off their buttons supporting their candidate and that there can be “no electioneering” at the workplace, but puts up a poster for her guy and offers free pie to anyone who puts on one of his buttons.  Would she ever really be that clueless and such a bully?  Does anyone care anymore?  

Later, Fiona goes to the Alibi and has a conversation with Vee where she basically says, “This is what Ford is telling me to think this week...”  Fiona says she wants to vote for the guy against rent control, the businessman  And Vee points out that “the businessman” in Washington isn’t working out too great.  Ooh, Shameless, rushing in with the timely political commentary!  (There will be more too, ugh.)

When Fi shows up at her (or a?) polling place, there’s a rumble going on and Wells has her throw one punch to show us she’s still “South Side”, I guess.  It was gratuitous.  It did not remind us of the show’s glory days, it was a thrown in pointless moment that was so outrageously just tacked on. 

In Fiona’s final scene this week, Bored walks into the apartment building with his massive wooden toolbox reminding us he’s a massive tool, and Fiona tells him how she changed her vote, they kiss, and women’s rights are set back another 100 years.  Oh, and Bored still squints A LOT delivering his lines.  Emmy seems to open hers even wider, probably unconsciously trying to get the other actor to at least try to keep his open once in a while...

Veronica and Kevin  There was some more truly awful “rape jokes” this week. Rape is never going to be funny, and with the week this country suffered through last week-plus the fact that it’s still ongoing-I really wish they had just deleted all the Alibi scenes.  Kev makes up a scoreboard or bingo sheet (it isn’t clear) of all the “types” of rapey behavior that can now be shorthanded into a celebrity’s name.  I won’t even justify the “joke” with some examples.  And then KEVIN becomes a sought-after consultant to make other South Side bars less rapey because he’s the white man running the Alibi and Vee is...not.  

Frank is in the episode more than I’m going to talk about, but suffice it to say I do truly believe his election storyline is over (one out of three is not good enough, Shameless!  Wrap up the boring shit that’s going nowhere and do something with the other shit that’s also going nowhere!)   Mo wins the election, and Wells has a reporter say it’s because voters were afraid to say they were bigots in polls.  Which again, this show is too narrow to try to address larger issues-if that’s Wells’ theory why Trump won, it doesn’t explain how “bigoted voters” elected Obama twice.  Try making the world a better place, Wells.  Yes, there is racism and idiot bigotry here, but there was just something smug about how he justified his fictional political outcome.  There was a scene where Frank’s asking some of the Gallaghers if they’re voting-Carl says he’s too young, Lip says he’s not registered, and Ian says, “What’s the point?”  And that pissed me off too, because we’re having Gay Jesus shoved down our throats, but then Wells seems to be saying Ian won’t bother to vote and would rather blow shit up.  Again, the kid that ORIGINALLY had the dream to serve his country by going to West Point.  And fucking Lip-what, he’s too “smart” to think voting matters?  

(Also in that scene, Ian was eating peanut butter toast, but still no sign of his pill bottles.  Cam actually took a bite of the toast, if that type of dedication to his craft matters to anyone.)

The post credits “joke” was a pedo joke about Mo.  Fuck you, John Wells.  

The only thing Frank was good for this week was to lead us back to Mickey’s house.  As so often with this show, I have to forget context (good thing I’ve had plenty of practice, I guess?) and I will fully admit that when I saw Mickey’s little castle of a house I teared up a little.  It was like seeing an old friend.  

But then of course they had to ruin it by Frank knocking on the door, we hear Terry yelling and hitting a dog named Adolf (they put a yelp in and everything) and Terry opens the door wielding a baseball bat that brought Negan and Jeffery Dean Morgan to mind-I hope that was a shout out to him.  The bat had nails in embedded in it instead of barbed wire, but close enough.  Best not to imagine how much cooler the show might have been with JDM instead of Sean, sigh.  

A much funnier joke than anything they did give us about Mo White would’ve been to have Frank ask Terry, “Still have a connection with Russians?  I have an election to rig.”

Finally we get to Ian but just because he had more screen time this week doesn’t mean we’re any closer to knowing anything.  And I was going to bust Cameron for acting very sleepy and out of it in all of his scenes, but then I realized that’s pretty much how all the Gallagher kids actors have been acting, except for Fiona (and I’d say she’s trying too hard sometimes.  There’s also been lots of scenes so far where it seems like she’s phoning it in-but of course they’re giving her shit to do).  

Anyway, things this episode start in the Gallagher kitchen, Ian groans when he sees the coffee’s all gone, and says he’s not sleeping-he got too used to all the noise in jail, it’s too quiet here.  Well, bitch, the house was always lively when the Milkovich siblings were there too, work on getting them back...

Lip asks him if he met his public defender yet and Ian says Geneva and the Gay Jesus donors got him a lawyer, “rich, queer, too much time on his hands since same sex marriage got fixed.”  Um, why is Ian sounding so put out with the guy without even meeting him?  What’s this superiority complex?  

Later Ian walks into GJ church HQ and he’s limping, but I don’t think it’s a continuity error, I think they probably just had him film scenes out of order that day and I think he went a little too hard, LOL.  Anyway, the GJ kids applaud and Geneva hugs him-she’s into it, he’s not.  At the HQ they’re making silk screen shirts with Ian’s face and Gay Jesus signs.  Geneva is once again spouting out statistics, saying how wildly popular the movement is, 77,000 followers in the past five days-One Direction at their height was gaining popularity around the globe like that, not this Gay Jesus shit.  Ian doesn’t seem to be listening too closely to what she’s spewing, and when two body-builder women walk by he asks Geneva who they are.  She says they’re part of the lesbian legion from an MMA gym and adds, “Your gays turned out to be too sweet to handle security.”  Whatever-they keep trying to act like there’s all this dynamic action happening off screen-NO ONE CARES since all we ever see is Ian moping around, looking like Cameron has a headache.

Next time we see Ian he’s walking around outside in his red kicks (really wish we knew the significance of those-are they supposed to be like Jesus’ sandals?  What happened in the cut scene where he left them in the aisle last season?  I only want to know because the show seems to think they mean SOMETHING)-anyway, where’s Ian going?  Why?  We’re never told-great storytelling this ain’t, kids.  A van slows up next to him and a guy leans out and says, “You’re Ian, right?  Gay Jesus?”  How did the guys in the van know where Ian would be walking?  Do they just circle the Gay Jesus church hoping he’ll come out?  Again, we’ll never know.  The guy continues, “I’ve been watching your videos with my friends.  The burning vans, the sermons-it’s inspiring.”  Ian says thanks.  The guy says, “You really think that’s what Jesus was teaching?”  Ian says, “Inclusion, love, acceptance for all?  Yeah, absolutely.”  Then the van guy says, “You don’t think God sees homosexual bestiality as a sinful perversion of His divine creations?”  Ian’s confused, says, “What?”, sees the sliding panel door of the van open, and takes off running, jumping over fences and at some point in his getaway, pulling some muscle in his tight jeans.  

Next time we see Ian he’s sitting alone in the Gallagher kitchen nursing a beer and his thigh.  (No Bible this time-no sign of his pills either.)  Lip comes in and asks him if he’s okay and Ian says he maybe pulled a hamstring running from homophobes.  Lip says, “I guess there’s nothing new about that, right?” and you wonder just when he stopped caring so completely about his brother.  

Ian doesn’t bother to answer, sips his beer instead.  After a minute he quietly asks Lip, “Think you could do hard time?” Lip: In prison?  Uh...rather not.  I: Gay Jesus kids don’t want me to cop a plea.  Want me to take it to trial.  Get as much publicity for the cause as I can. L: What’s your lawyer say? I: Could be looking at 10-15 if I don’t take a deal.  (Me at home, screaming at the TV: WHAT ARE THE CHARGES?  WHY CAN’T THEY EVER TELL US ANYTHING?  WHAT ARE THEY SAYING YOU DID THAT’S ON PAR WITH MICKEY’S BULLSHIT ATTEMPTED 2ND DEGREE MURDER SENTENCE????)

Lip, rather than saying ANYTHING to the brother he’s closest to about maybe not giving up his entire young adulthood to a cause, not saying something like, “You’d be older than the real Jesus got to live till by the time you get out”, not saying if he thinks Ian’s an idiot if he’s even questioning doing hard time in a bad place, no, rather than that, he takes his coffee out of the microwave and comes around the counter to the same side as Ian and says, “You ah, hearing from Shim again?” I: Sometimes.  (Me at home: WHAT?  WHEN?  What does that look like when it happens?) L: Well, what does Shim think? I: Unclear.  (Oh, Ian, are you kidding me?  All this time you thought you were talking to god but you’ve just been playing with a Magic 8 Ball?) L: Xan’s mom showed up today.  (Guess we’re done talking about Ian then!)  She’s a junkie.  Hookin’... I: What are you going to do? L: I don’t know. I: Maybe you should try asking Shim. L: Maybe.  

End scene.  So again, we get tantalizingly close to a discussion about what might be going on inside Ian’s head-is he getting it?  That the Gay Jesus movement is just using him at this point?  Or does he really think going to prison as the highly recognizable face of said movement is going to work out somehow-other than him not dying a painful and brutal death?  And why can’t Lip give enough of a shit to at least ask him not to go?  Fuuuuuuck.  

Next Ian’s back at GJ HQ.  Geneva comes in and says she didn’t see him come in.  He says he came in the back-all the hugging and applause when he comes in the front is kinda weird.  Since Geneva is the only one who ever hugs him, I hope she’s getting the hint.  He’s looking over the “Free Gay Jesus” posters.

Ian: What is this? Geneva: Couple of the arty kids are working out a few ideas for if you do end up in prison. I: Couple assholes in a van chased me last night.  Apparently they’re not very big fans of my interpretation of Bible verse. G: Fuckers.  I’ll get you a couple of lesbian legion body guards.  They’d love nothing more than to a chance to stomp homophobes.  (Because, yeah, THAT was Jesus’ message.) Ian holds up a Che Jesus shirt with an unintentionally hilarious graphic of him wearing a beret-Showtime probably thinks fans want to buy them (I wrote these notes before Steve Howey tweeted he wants one last night.  It got less than a thousand likes, and I bet that number would be less than half if Cam hadn’t replied).  

I: Think any of this is gonna end up making a difference? G: Ian, you’ve given thousands of gay and lesbian teenagers a voice.  (Insert Mickey gif of “Not really tho” here.)  You’ve inspired us to stand up and fight for ourselves.  

So much wrong with so much of that.  First of all, is Geneva LGBT?  She was a runaway who ran away from having to give blowjobs, right, not because her parents kicked her out for being LGBT?  And she’s been crushing on Ian since Day 1, so, probably not “L”, and Wells clearly doesn’t believe in “B”, so who is Geneva to say “us”?  And next, IF Ian/Gay Jesus has given kids “a voice”, what is he saying for them-are the teens really into his whole “Jesus was a junkie”, “my god is non-binary” shouting that they haven’s shown since last year?  Don’t teens get bored and move on to the next thing when their idols aren’t doing anything new?  Lastly, she says they are standing up and fighting for themselves-where, when, how?  

I: Know what I was thinking when I was running away from those bastards?  (Me at home: NO!  We never know what you’re thinking!  That’s the whole damn problem with your storylines!)  It’s been 2000 years since Jesus died on the cross and I’m still running for my life down an alley because I fall in love with men instead of women.  (No, Ian, you’ve only ever loved one (1) man-fucking admit that for once and then get on with your life.  That line should’ve been “have sex with”, no one deserves to be chased down for that either, and it wouldn’t have made me exasperated with Ian over the whole “love” thing, which is a separate issue this show fucking needs to handle before it’s all said and done with Ian.)  

Then one of the GJ kids comes in to report there’s a bunch of Nazi’s keeping people from getting to one of the polls and we don’t see Ian again this episode. But again, I hope that they’re finally having him wake up to the fact that NO ONE cares about him.  The family has washed its hands of him, the Gay Jesus followers WANT him to go to prison (and probably die) and be a martyr for the cause.  Time to ask yourself who is the only person who ever looked at you and actually saw you there, Ian.  The only person to look you in the eye and say, “I love you.”   

#Recap #Camless Episode 4 #Season Nein #Nobody wants it

[greenteacology]

any gay movie recs?

To be honest, I don't watch a whole lot of movies and so I'm sadly behind on my gay movie knowledge. I have watched some of DEBS and it is great if you want an incredibly stupid and cheesy lesbian movie. I've also watched some of Paris Is Burning, which is a good documentary on black drag queens in New York City. (TW for this movie though, I haven't watched all of it but I'm fairly sure it gets pretty graphic.) if you're looking for tv shows too...black lightning, wynonna earp, miss fisher's murder mysteries (supporting lesbian character, also just a really funny show although it is very white), bomb girls, and las chicas del cable (bi and poly character, also v white, set in 1920s Spain). Also I looooovveee legends of tomorrow, it's a mess sometimes but bisexual queen Sarah lance makes it all better.

[knitmeapony]

My virtual Pride

Tomorrow I would like to have a virtual Pride day, I know I don't have the spoons to go to a parade or anything like that but I would like to watch lots and lots of queer media, particularly things with good bisexual representation. I'm definitely going to watch DEBS, but what else should I watch? I don't tend to watch a lot of movies so there's a good chance I won't have seen whatever you're about to suggest and I need something that I can consume without subtitles. My highest preference is ladies, or combination of ladies and non-binary gender folks, but if you've got a favorite with guys in it I'll give that a go too.