wendybirdx-blog - Tumblr blog

wendybirdx-blog · 9 years

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Hi, everyone!

If this goes through the queue, it means I haven’t changed my mind up to now about my decision. To sum it up, I’ve decided to leave this blog. Maybe for a bit, like a long hiatus. Maybe not. It’ll depend on how I feel. After all, I started blogging because I enjoyed it, and I think it would be a toxic mentality to try and keep it up out of obligation. I am very sorry to all of my followers, but I think this is best for me right now. (Further explanation under the cut, for those interested. To my friends, check the last few paragraphs, please! Your message is introduced in bold, I’m sure you can find it.)

Before my confused essay on why I’m going - I wish you all the best! You’re all marvelous people with big hearts, something I’ve witnessed firsthand so often. This is a great community, I just don’t identify with it as strongly anymore/am not as passionate as I used to be about fandoms and want to prioritize my personal life. Thank you all so much for sharing your talents and your love!

I guess I’ve always had a history of wanting to leave Tumblr and never having the guts to do it. It was usually because I’d cool down from one fandom, but I’d soon jump into another and change my mind. As my follower count grew, I felt this obligation to keep blogging, like it was so important for me to reach my full potential in terms of my follower count and if I left now I’d never know how popular this blog would really get and maybe if I got popular and people messaged me often enough I’d want to stay. But, of course, that’s not a very good mentality (which I see now), and my enjoyment was never based off of followers, it was always from interacting with the fandom and seeing their content, so more followers would never solve my dissatisfaction.

I have a lot of things I want to do with my life, most of which require daily effort (studying, drawing, going to the gym, devotionals). While I do like being on Tumblr, I feel like I’m already suffering the consequences of procrastination since I’m not where I want to be in terms my portfolio and study habits.

I don’t know what it was that gave me the courage to leave this time. Maybe it’s because I’m having to take initiative in a lot of things now that I’m in college. It’s not an overwhelmingly negative feeling (I used to have that sometimes, then I’d return a week or two later). It’s like it’s wearing off of me, I don’t know. I just naturally naturally tried to find other ways to entertain myself knowing how much time and energy I’d consume on here with fandom content I’m no longer that passionate about. I do hope that’s a result of a better notion I’m building of time management and productivity.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I don’t feel a need to leave. But it’s just what I’m doing without really trying to. I’m starting to close out the Tumblr tab and ignoring my queue and it’s not really affecting me like it used to when I tried to make myself blog better to gain followers and whatever. I feel like it should be affecting me more, like I should have more consideration since Tumblr has been much more than a site to me and has been a source of support and care and encouragement and inspiration but...maybe my time’s just up here. I really don’t know, it’s like I’m slipping away from the blogging habit with a shrug of my shoulders.

I still love my fandoms and the amazing people I’ve met. But Tumblr’s been toxic to me in many ways and I think I don’t really identify so much with everyone and their values anymore, too. Maybe that’s it.

As you can probably tell, I’m just terribly confused. I have a lot of reasons to leave. Not too passionate about my fandoms anymore (at least not to the point of blogging daily), don’t identify with the values, want to be more productive. But I’m not going to force myself to blog like I have before because, well, I have no real reason to. I want to do other things during my day and that’s okay.

Part of me thought I’d never leave, or that I’d be forced to somehow, or that I’d just explode one day because of offensive content and leave abruptly. But I guess this is my slow detachment.

Who knows, I might return as a much less active art blog to archive my work. Or something of the sort. If I do, I’ll make sure to leave a post on here. If anyone wants to solve out anything before I’m gone, I’ll be checking in once in awhile and then be on my way.

TO MY FRIENDS (all two of you): I cannot tell you how guilty I felt not going into my inbox and flooding you with my sentiments and wanting to know all about you. You’re incredible people, so kind, so talented. This has nothing to do with you, much on the contrary, I’d rather sit and talk to you about your day and your opinions. But I guess real life caught up to me. After a full day of work and gym and studying and assignments and whatever, going on a platform where I felt obliged to keep up and keep posting about content I’m no longer that passionate about just felt really off. And I kept thinking that, if I only messaged you without even relating to the things we talked about anymore, I’d probably bore you or make you feel like I’m your obligation. And I already know how awful that feels since I used to force myself to blog for the sake of follower growth. And I don’t want to be that to you because it’s just not worth the effort.

Who knows, maybe we can keep in touch? Through whatever platform you feel comfortable sharing. But please, please, please don’t feel obliged to. Seriously. This is an online friendship, not a marriage. And I’ll definitely miss you guys but I don’t want you to step out of your way if it gets in the way of your lives, y’know? I’m really not trying to disencourage you, I’m just barely getting out of this toxic “I have to do this” mentality so I’m more sensitive to not imposing it on you.

But you guys are so great. You’re incredibly supportive and understanding and opinionated while still being well informed and intelligent and talented and passionate and you can really do a lot with your lives, I really believe that. And I just wanted you guys to know that more than anything before I go. (@me Okay, miss drama, take it down a notch. I am serious about that, though.)

#mandy's ramblings #welp #this is it then #thank you so so much to everyone! you're amazing people and i really mean it when i say i love you all!#q

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taurus:

gemini:

cancer:

leo:

virgo:

libra:

scorpio:

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aquarius:

pisces:

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