aliarsepitaph

[aliarsepitaph]

Couch Cushions

"Why don't you do it? Don't you love me?"

Oh you must know that I tried

How is that you've made love feel like an open wound

A snap of fingers to turn me to nothingness

I need you to tell me what is behind my eyes

Look at the boy who peeks through the bars of these prison windows

Oh what could he have done

Laying with rigidity

Turning to slowly drying cement

Was there a chance to change the outcome

Oh before the plaster makes its shape

Veins throb with the emptiness you carry in my chest

Is it better this way

Nothingness to protect from the everythingness of the outside

But oh when the night comes nothingness and everythingness are one and the same

And nothing but me and the couch cushions remain

A quiet reminder that I am still here

Oh what could I have done

#original poem #prose #short poem #poetry #queer poetry #trans poetry #poem #poems on tumblr #poems and quotes

[aliarsepitaph]

Suffocation in Form of a Warm Body

I sat down at mirror and I asked

"Why are you so scared of those moved and moving on"

At first the answer was a quiet buzzing in my ear

And a rap at my door

And the planchet beneath my fingers merely nodded

Again I asked as anxiety rushed and bubbled through my bones

Turning them to wet noodles

"Why are we so scared"

And disappointed eyes glared back

Beckoning me to run

To stop asking silly questions

Before the night hit like liqour

And everything is wrong

A shaky whisper came from somewhere

My throat was dry

And the room empty and yet it cried out

In its own silent way

"What is there to fear"

And late nights spent consoling

What had already been raised

Limbs trembling to hold up

Caved in rooves

Sinking in

To sandy foundation

And I looked up to realize

The fear grew and took root

Underneath the promise

That it was just me against the world

With no where to look up

My eyes graze the ground

#original poem #prose #short poem #poetry #queer poetry #trans poetry #poem #poems on tumblr #poems and quotes #poets on tumblr

[aliarsepitaph]

[aliarsepitaph]

Shrinking

There's so much to elaborate upon

But all the words are tangled up

Under countless layers of metaphors

And subtle tricks of the light

To disillude from meaning

Cards kept so close

Tight to the chest

Beyond skin deep

Scraping across bruised and rotted lungs

Ugly things swim beneath

A bog kept within

The deep expanses of the body

Moss creeping up to lick at

Unresponsive eyes

Tugging and rushing in to the ground

For hungry worms and starved beetles

With tearing mouths and fretful secrets

Scraping to open old wounds

And ever oozing sores

And the earth has swallowed it whole

#original poem #prose #short poem #queer poetry #poetry #trans poetry #poem #poems on tumblr #poems and quotes

[aliarsepitaph]

Brb about to disappear into the woods to escape the Haunting Ache of Wanting™

[aliarsepitaph]

An Ode to the Crushing Guilt of Being

I fear that I do not fit within the neat boxes

Of trauma that has been deemed safe and reasonable

For despite the welcoming arms

I still cried from the church pews

And the love I felt was not enough

To save from the pressure of eternity

Not enough to wipe the slate clean

And let a child's mind stay pure and naive

Rituals full of smiling faces

Are still rituals

When I lay my body down at the altar

And everyone I love is drowning

Do not tell me all will be well

Let me weep into the floorboards

Do not let the angels take my body

Let me rot beneath the dirt

#original poem #prose #short poem #poem #poems on tumblr #poetry #queer poetry #trans poetry #religious trauma woot woot

[aliarsepitaph]

I close my eyes and you're still in my bed

Waiting for me to let my body rest

So you can wrap your arms around me

Pretend you're not bound to disappear

And your skin is like daggers

Dragging against my forlorn heart

Too close for comfort

Claws dug into my chest

But you're miles away

Heart left in the blood of another

And my eyes are glued shut

And your skin has gone numb

And we cannot love each other right

I've fallen for the distance

You cannot feel the tearing screaming pulse in my veins

I fill your empty words with feeling

I was not made to love you

I tore my way here

But my hands are bloodied and bruised

In need of mending

So needles prick and pull tight

Gentle feeling of cloth to clot open wounds

As the abyss that surrounds us both

Eats at our fatality

I will not wrap my hand in yours

But may my mind encase your heart

#queer poetry #trans poetry #short poem #original poem #love poem #prose #poems

[aliarsepitaph]

Not to be a basic bitch but good god richard siken's poetry speaks to me on the most intense level

" We pull our boots on with both hands

but we can’t punch ourselves awake and all I can do is stand on the curb and say

Sorry about the blood in your mouth. I wish it was mine.

I couldn’t get the boy to kill me, but I wore his jacket for the longest time."

I am absolutely shaking in my boots.

#poetry #poems and quotes

[aliarsepitaph]

Ravens have always spoken to me

Cawing, impersonating something else

Words learned

Forced through an unknowing tongue

Flittering from home to home

Collecting shimmering, shining, wonders

They gather at my feet

This is not a wall

Not brick and mortar

Not strong and tall

It teeters, mercurial

Horror shapes my newfound beak

Hands fumble to hold up

Wavering belief

But these fingers are weaved with feathers

Brushing across unstable frame

Snapping rachis scatters the floor

Beloved articles fall, tumble, shatter

And the perception flips

The camera zooms and rearranges

And there you are

Here I am on a bedroom floor

And I want to save the world

I have to save my world

For in the end

It was a false epitaph

And I am a monster

I am the monster

To send my world tumbling

#short poem #original poem #prose #bad poetry #new poetry #new poet #im trying to get out of my comfort zone with it #i don't know how i feel about this one lads