amistytown

[amistytown]

Happy bunday, Lucibun 💙

[amistytown]

Moved to @blackcoffeeofmelancholy ✨

Happy bunday, Lucibun 💙

[amistytown]

I’m still working on replying to asks and private messages. I want to thank everyone who’s sent kind and supportive messages and comments. They mean a lot to me, more than anyone will ever know. A little kindness truly goes a long way, and I hope to return that kindness, understand, and support to my friends, mutuals, and followers. I also appreciate the patience. I’m working on myself and am terribly burnt out, so it makes a difference.

I will drop my blogs here for those who want to follow me there, and I’ll slowly work on following back my mutuals!

Main blog is @vanillacreambunny​

Obey Me side blog is @blackcoffeeofmelancholy​

Giving everyone the biggest, warmest hug ever ❤️

#self reblog

[amistytown]

I’m still working on replying to asks and private messages. I want to thank everyone who’s sent kind and supportive messages and comments. They mean a lot to me, more than anyone will ever know. A little kindness truly goes a long way, and I hope to return that kindness, understand, and support to my friends, mutuals, and followers. I also appreciate the patience. I’m working on myself and am terribly burnt out, so it makes a difference.

I will drop my blogs here for those who want to follow me there, and I’ll slowly work on following back my mutuals!

Main blog is @vanillacreambunny​

Obey Me side blog is @blackcoffeeofmelancholy​

Giving everyone the biggest, warmest hug ever ❤️

#self reblog

[amistytown]

Will you be deleting this blog?? Totally understand if the answer is a yes

I don’t plan to at the moment! I thought about posting my old work to my new blog, but it might be easier to leave them here ☺️

#about me #asks

[amistytown]

I’m still working on replying to asks and private messages. I want to thank everyone who’s sent kind and supportive messages and comments. They mean a lot to me, more than anyone will ever know. A little kindness truly goes a long way, and I hope to return that kindness, understand, and support to my friends, mutuals, and followers. I also appreciate the patience. I’m working on myself and am terribly burnt out, so it makes a difference.

I will drop my blogs here for those who want to follow me there, and I’ll slowly work on following back my mutuals!

Main blog is @vanillacreambunny​

Obey Me side blog is @blackcoffeeofmelancholy​

Giving everyone the biggest, warmest hug ever ❤️

#self reblog

[amistytown]

I’m still working on replying to asks and private messages. I want to thank everyone who’s sent kind and supportive messages and comments. They mean a lot to me, more than anyone will ever know. A little kindness truly goes a long way, and I hope to return that kindness, understand, and support to my friends, mutuals, and followers. I also appreciate the patience. I’m working on myself and am terribly burnt out, so it makes a difference.

I will drop my blogs here for those who want to follow me there, and I’ll slowly work on following back my mutuals!

Main blog is @vanillacreambunny​

Obey Me side blog is @blackcoffeeofmelancholy​

Giving everyone the biggest, warmest hug ever ❤️

#i will be reblogging this over the next couple days #sorry in advance for the spam #about me

[amistytown]

💕💕❤️❤️❤️ pls take as much time as you need to feel better. There's no shame in taking a break to center yourself and we will still be here for you whenever you come back

Thank you 💕 I appreciate you and your kindness. It truly means a lot to me. I hope you're well and have a wonderful day ❤️❤️❤️

#about me #asks

[amistytown]

Going to reblog this before I drop the url. I want to reply to all the kind comments and messages I received here first as well. 

Thank you for the love, and I hope everyone has a wonderful day 💕

I’ve decided I’ll be moving blogs. It’s hard for me to let go of this one, but I joined tumblr to help with my anxiety and stress. It brought me a lot of comfort (especially Obey Me content), though I notice I feel more anxious and stressed when I log in. I think my follower count and the pressure I feel to make content instead of just drawing and writing for my own enjoyment and conforming to how people think I should act instead of being myself is getting to me. I’m very shy and introverted so being social (even online) can be a struggle. Although I love my mutuals and followers and friends. It’s difficult to put the feeling into words ahhh.

This time I’ll have a main account and then a side account for Obey Me.

Is it okay if I refollow my mutuals? I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.

And I’ll post a link just in case anyone wants to follow me as well.

It’s not ready yet, probably won’t be for a couple days, but I thought I’d ask.

#about me

[amistytown]

I’ve decided I’ll be moving blogs. It’s hard for me to let go of this one, but I joined tumblr to help with my anxiety and stress. It brought me a lot of comfort (especially Obey Me content), though I notice I feel more anxious and stressed when I log in. I think my follower count and the pressure I feel to make content instead of just drawing and writing for my own enjoyment and conforming to how people think I should act instead of being myself is getting to me. I’m very shy and introverted so being social (even online) can be a struggle. Although I love my mutuals and followers and friends. It’s difficult to put the feeling into words ahhh.

This time I’ll have a main account and then a side account for Obey Me.

Is it okay if I refollow my mutuals? I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.

And I’ll post a link just in case anyone wants to follow me as well.

It’s not ready yet, probably won’t be for a couple days, but I thought I’d ask.

#about me

[amistytown]

I hope I can come back soon. Still trying to figure things out, but I miss everyone 😭 And seeing all that beautiful Levi content. 

I hope whoever reads this has a wonderful day 💕

#about me

[amistytown]

Leviathan, the mysterious sea serpent was captured on camera in his natural habitat.

I wanted to try a trail cam footage aesthetic for this one, idk why.

#leviathan

[amistytown]

When I get sick and have to call off work so it’s feeding into my self-hatred 😢

Just want to be wrapped up in a blanket, cuddled, and called sweet girl or sweet love or something along those lines. Is that too much to ask 😭

I’m still sad I didn’t buy that Levi body pillow because at least I could be cuddling that right now.

#idk the sadness and lonliness intensifies when i'm sick #also hi #*rolls away*

[amistytown]

*drops this wip and runs*

#trying to stay sane #not back but hoping to be at some point #still overwhelmed and not feeling my best #but here have this silly doodle #my art

[amistytown]

Okay, I have to jump back on because this scene from the new lesson 😭 I HAVE TOO MANY EMOTIONS. I AM CRYING. I CANNOT. HE IS TOO PRECIOUS.

#noelle plays nightbringer

[amistytown]

Just stopping by to share this!!! I AM SCREAMING AND CRYING 🥺🥹😭🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡 MY PERFECT DEMON, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!

I hope I can pull him one more time before it’s over and good luck to everyone who is pulling 💕

#i'm still on break #trying to figure out life #it's hard when i feel hopeless but also want to get better #i'm doing my best #also feel embarrassed when i talk about my feelings flkdsjfkdlsa #i'll reply to everyone when i return #thanks to the kindness everyone has shown me #noelle plays nightbringer

[amistytown]

I know I’m on break, but I wanted to put this here and maybe get some advice? If anyone is able to or willing. Of course, it’s my decision in the end, but I don’t want to make the wrong choice either.

I’ve been thinking for a while about leaving my job. It’s not a bad job. It doesn’t pay well, and the manager isn’t nice, but I feel like I’m going to crash and burn lately, and working there isn’t helping.

I feel I’m masking the entire time, trying to blend in, and I keep feeling I don’t fit in. These feelings stem from some difficulties I’m having. I’ve been questioning myself all my life, feeling like an alien, wondering why I can’t be like everyone else. I just wanted to go to school, graduate, have a career, have friends and a family. The bare minimum. But these feelings kept me from this and still are. I didn’t mind as a kid, but as an adult it’s been debilitating. 

After work I have huge mood drops. I cry alone in my room because something so simple is so difficult for me. I wonder why I’m not “normal” and beat myself up over these things. It’s made my depression worse, which makes my anxiety and OCD worse. I’m constantly exhausted. I hate being this way. It makes me feel hopeless and like I don’t belong and am not worthy of love or attention. So I isolate myself.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking I’m on the spectrum. It makes a lot of sense to me, and I actually cried from relief to possibly have an answer. I don’t want to self-diagnose, and I want to see a professional. I need to figure out how to navigate life and live the life I want how I can. It’s been so hard. These feelings have caused a lot of self-hatred over the years. 

I think I jumped into working too quickly once I got my anxiety under control. I haven’t gone into detail because I’m embarrassed, but I haven’t been able to keep up with anything outside work. It’s not even a difficult job, but being around people all day, pretending to be “normal”, and hiding my feelings is a lot. I can’t even put all my feelings into words, and I don’t want to try since I’m already writing more than I wanted to lol. But I haven’t been able to function outside work. My room is a complete mess. I can’t keep up with my meds. I cry all the time and hate myself for not being able to do all these things “normal” people can. 

So, I’ve thought about leaving my job. And I’ve talked to my mom about it. She says she would understand and has seen that I’ve been doing worse recently. But I would feel like an even bigger failure and burden. I want to work and have an income. I felt good about myself for getting this job, going outside my comfort zone, and beating anxiety and OCD. But I feel like I should focus on my mental and physical health. I even stopped seeing my doctors when I started working because I couldn’t juggle it all, which is embarrassing to admit. I’d like to see doctors again for everything. Getting a physical checkup to make sure everything is okay, seeing a psychiatrist and therapist, and get evaluated for autism. I want to learn how to deal with my feelings and how to live life the best I can in my own way. I really want to.

I rambled a lot, but this is why I keep feeling so worthless and a like a burden. I don’t know if I should leave my job. Would I be a failure? Would it be me giving up? I feel so conflicted. I don’t want to not work either. I still want a career and to maybe go back to school if I can, but I really need to work on myself before I can. I’ve thought about doing small art things on the side if I did leave my job for a little money here and there; I wouldn’t need anything much during that time.

Sorry for posting all this here. I don’t have anyone aside my family offline, and our relationship is strained, but my mom is trying to be better. And I’ve felt so desperate that I just need to let it out even just a little. 

Thanks to everyone who has sent kind words too. I’m sorry I haven’t replied yet, but I appreciate them and will reply once I get everything figured out.

I’m taking a break from tumblr and social media in general.

I wasn’t going to make a post, but I thought I would just in case because I feel guilty.

I’m having a very hard time right now. I have been for months, but it’s been worse, and I’m tired of burdening people with my issues and bringing them down with me, so I’m stepping away from tumblr and social media in general (I’m not particularly active anywhere else, but I do have a Twitter and Discord I login to sometimes.)

My thoughts and feelings are really overwhelming, and I’m in a constant cycle of guilt and self-hatred I can’t seem to get out of. People reach out to me, but I feel too guilty when I open up to them and accept their help. I don’t know how to put these thoughts and feelings into words.

Tumblr is the only place I am part of a community. I don’t have friends offline, and I can only talk to my family about so much. I’ll keep trying to get better even though it feels hopeless.

I might make a personal account so I can enjoy Obey Me content still. It’s still a big comfort to me and brings me happiness when there is none.

Sorry I haven’t been dependable and if I’ve let people down. The guilt has been eating away at me because I can’t seem to keep up due to not being able to deal with much mentally and having this exhaustion and physical issues lately. It’s all getting to me. I really love my friends and want friends and want to talk to them but I feel too guilty when I’m like this and can’t be as good a friend as they are to me.

So I’m going to take a break and continue working on myself even though it’s hard, especially on my own, but I really hate dragging people into my mess.

Thank you 💕