ashleywool

[ashleywool]

on the absurdity of grief: when these objectively benign or positive things make you intensely sad

-Being enthusiastically recognized at the Drama Book Shop and asked for an autograph/selfie. She was VERY sweet and we had a lovely chat. The sadness had nothing to do with her, and everything to do with me remembering how I frequented the 40th St. location as a tiny baby actressling, poring over all the acting/auditioning books I could find, plagued by a persistent feeling of needing to "catch up." And the saddest part is knowing that even if I could have seen the future back then, I would've been like "but why did it take so long?"

-The folks at my physical therapy clinic telling me "it's rare to see a patient who's as motivated and consistent as you are, even if they have the time and the resources." Why wouldn't I be? I've spent my whole adult life remaining motivated and consistent about pursuing a career that is renowned for the rarity of its success. Of course I'm gonna be motivated and consistent about following a program that has been steadily improving my quality of life within a matter of weeks, AND which my insurance covers in full. It's extremely easy to be motivated to do things that get you immediate, progressive positive results and require no sacrifice. The sadness is because I wish I could get HALF these results from everything else I was motivated and consistent about. And I wish other people could too.

-Going into the cafe I used to take my friends to when they came to HTDIO and seeing the same lovely woman behind the counter who always gave me a discount because of how much business I brought them, and seeing her still give me the discount every time even though I'm not bringing the business.

-Looking at clothes of mine that I specifically remember wearing for certain moments in HTDIO rehearsal, even if I've also worn them ten thousand other places.

-The fact that I'm still using the same cream blush stick that Sarafina (costume designer) gave me for the Syracuse run. Makeup I had in Syracuse should not have outlasted the Broadway run. Makeup I had on Broadway should not have outlasted the Broadway run.

-The intrusive thoughts that come with seeing something in the media about some major Broadway person and then remembering that that Broadway person knows who I am. And the craziest part is, the reason they know who I am is because I am also a Broadway person. Like, I'll be minding my own business, doing the dishes or whatever, and then maybe I'll discover that the milk in my fridge spoiled because I only ever use it for baking and I haven't baked in a while, and then my theatre kid brain will be like, "The milk has gone bad, hold up just a second, why is everything in this fridge warm and tepid?" and the impulse will be to continue the lyrics, but then I remember LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA FOLLOWS ME ON INSTAGRAM NOW and the next thing I know I'm standing catatonically over my sink with the carton of spoiled milk in my hand, my executive functioning having short-circuited so intensely that I forgot that I'm supposed to pour the milk down the drain and not just stare at the open spout on the upright carton hoping the smell dissipates, and then eventually I snap out of it and get rid of the milk and the carton, but then I need to lie down, and then I feel like I have to apologize to Lin-Manuel Miranda because even though he's not physically present, and we haven't directly interacted since he came to the show, and he probably devotes maybe 0.01% of his time to thinking about what that one chick from the autism musical who showed him that Strong Bad gif might be up to right now, I just know he felt that somehow and he does not deserve to be telepathically assaulted by my weirdness like that, and the worst part is that I'm sure the embarrassment I made myself feel as a result of this made-up situation that I made up wouldn't feel nearly as pathetic if the show was still running.

Grief is weird.

#grief #grief is weird

[ashleywool]

GILLIGAN’S ISLAND Voodoo Something to Me | 1964

#gilligan's island #oldhollywoodedit #classictvedit #tina louise #dawn wells

[ashleywool]

Possible fanfiction prompt:

A reboot of Gilligan's Island, but the seven castaways are the Spectrum Club 7 from How to Dance in Ohio.

Gilligan = Tommy (friendly, means well, tries hard, but kind of chaotic and likely to ruin things, usually seen in red)

Skipper = Drew (charismatic, good leader, but knows how to delegate when necessary, usually seen in blue, also I just like the idea of him clonking Tommy on the head a lot)

Professor = Marideth (more intellectual than emotional, has a vast knowledge of facts about pretty much everything, most likely to figure out how to do anything...except fix the boat)

Thurston Howell III = Remy (highly influential and well-connected, could be morally corrupt but chooses not to be, the most likely to pack an absurd amount of "necessary" possessions to keep with them on a three-hour tour)

Eunice Howell = Mel (stronger than they seem, wiser than you expect, protective maternal energy, also I just like the idea of Mel and Remy being married because probably what happened is Remy got rich and famous from influencer income and married Mel so that they could afford to leave Paws & Claws and have a better life with adequate healthcare and that's the wholesome queer aro/ace love story we deserve)

Ginger Grant = Jessica (is a star, knows she's a star, knows that you know she's a star, acts accordingly)

Mary Ann = Caroline (sweet, wholesome, has a toxic ex, bffs with Jessica, and people totally like her better than Jessica, but don't tell Jessica)

cc: @traderjoesfan2008 @indigogirl420 @wakanda-never

#how to dance in ohio #broadway #htdio #spectrum club 7 #musical theatre #actually autistic #htdio musical #jessica htdio #drew htdio #remy htdio #caroline htdio #marideth htdio #mel htdio #tommy htdio #gilligan's island

[ashleywool]

Is there anything about Drew that changed throughout the development of How To Dance in Ohio? Sorry it's just that he's my fave character and I'd love to learn more about him!

I think out of the seven of us, Drew's story actually changed the least, he just became more fully fleshed-out as a human being instead of a "plot device."

To be more specific: the core idea of Drew being the one to initiate the Second Chance Dance was always present, and "Building Momentum" was always the song that set that idea in motion and brought the overarching theme of "nothing about us without us" full circle. But at that time, Amigo's evolution was more central to the plot, and the writers were looking to shift the "A story" more to Drew and Marideth, and that required giving Drew a moment early on in the play to get the audience inside his head.

Between the first reading in October 2021 and our pre-Syracuse workshop in June 2022, Rebekah and Jacob created that moment, and called it "Under Control."

I'll never forget the energy in that rehearsal room when we all heard Liam singing it for the first time. It was a "where have you been all my life" song for every person in that room. While Drew sings the majority as a solo, it quickly became established as the group's collective "I want" song, and that set the tone for Drew believably emerging as the "captain" of the group.

I also think it was important to add the story element that Drew's father, Kurt, being the one who was singularly focused on getting his son into the University of Michigan--so much so that Drew's feelings about the situation are used as a metric for Kurt to judge Dr. Amigo's overall performance as a therapist. This adds a lot more weight and motive to Dr. Amigo crafting a "rite of passage" for his clients, as well as his ultimately overstepping by calling Michigan on Drew's behalf after Drew had already declined. And as such, it adds a lot more poignancy to the scene where Drew confronts Dr. Amigo at the otherwise-empty spring formal. Drew not shy about calling out Dr. Amigo's overstepping, but he also acknowledges that Dr. Amigo has helped him develop the agency to realistically evaluate and commit confidently his own decisions. Dr. Amigo might have screwed up, but he also did the important part of his job as a therapist--and by extension, the spring formal did its job as a therapy tool.

#how to dance in ohio #broadway #htdio #musical theatre #spectrum club 7 #actually autistic #musicals #theatre #htdio musical #drew htdio

[ashleywool]

if ur into labor unions, i highly recommend looking into the utter shitshow of trader joes unions (traderjoesunited on insta has A Lot of info!) xoxo, a trader joes employee

(also dont get me started on the union square wine store) (tldr of that is that they wanted to unionize and were starting to gather supporters at work and then the entire wine store, only tjs in all of ny that sold wine bc of state law & very busy / had high sales, shut down with like 2 weeks notice to crew members that they were closing. management claimed it was bc rent was too high but crew has been/is still convinced it was bc of them starting to unionize based on….. everything else tjs corporate had done)

I know you sent this a while ago but WOOOOOF.

As a former Starbucks partner who's been following Starbucks Workers' United for as long as they began murmurs of existence, I am proud to stand with you in "Gaslit Employees Of Companies That Used To Be Progressive In Like 2008 But Then Instead Of Progressive Further They Spent All Their Resources Maintaining A Facade Of Progressiveness While Getting Progressively More Terrible Behind The Scenes" solidarity.

Some of the best people I've ever known were my colleagues at Starbucks--in fact, my favorite former manager (who got unfairly terminated because of course she did) was also a former Trader Joe's employee and she saw the best and the worst of both companies.

I wish you and your colleagues the very best. I am with you 1000%.

#unions #union strong #unionize #labor rights #labor unions #workers rights #labor movement

[ashleywool]

"Lowkey canon" is a good phrase for it.

I (Ashley) am grey-ace. While I didn't intentionally transfer that trait to Jessica, it was a deliberate choice to reframe Jessica's pursuit of Tommy as being primarily motivated by the shift in her and Caroline's friendship dynamic. Like you said, her desire for independence does influence the appeal of Tommy as a driver, but I think the core of it is an insecurity about "leveling up" to match Caroline.

This was actually one of the first conversations I had with Rebekah when we were first developing the piece at the reading in 2021. The "first draft" version of Jessica didn't have much of a motivation, or personality outside "liking a boy (who can drive)," and we wanted to change that. It quickly became apparent that Jessica's relationship with Caroline was a much more interesting arc to pursue.

That said, I also didn't want to paint it as Jessica isn't or would never be interested in Tommy otherwise. After all, she did feel strongly enough about their commonalities to stand on a bed and screlt about it.

Also, I should note that all of this refers exclusively to the character of Jessica. The real Jessica (and her real-life fiance) would want you to know that she is nowhere near ace or aro lol.

Haven't posted about HTDIO in a hot minute but hear me out:

Aroace Jessica.

Ive been thinking about it for a while but I'm about to sleep so I might add to it tomorrow but here are my headcanons and "evidence" (reminder that this is a silly headcanon and I'm in no way claiming that this is canon)

Jessica wants to be independent. That's the reason she tries to date Tommy, because he has a car. She's not really attracted to him.

That brings us to the reason why she wants to date someone. Caroline.

Ever since Caroline started dating Jay, Jessica has felt like she lost her best friend. I've had a similar experience, where my friend began dating someone and I was happy for them first but realized I was jealous. I've struggled that entire day because I thought I was in love with them, which I can confidently say I wasn't. I just thought I would lose my friend.

Jessica was very happy for Caroline but they had a fight because of that (and because of Carolines actions too). Jessica felt like the only option was too find someone she could date, thus Tommy.

Jessica also loves swords and dragons. Very AroAce coded tbh. /j

Again, this is my silly headcanon and also me projecting but ye.

#how to dance in ohio #broadway #htdio #musical theatre #spectrum club 7 #actually autistic #htdio musical #jessica htdio

[ashleywool]

Dear @bumblingest-bee - Upon further investigation, it would appear that at least 150 people have decided that dressing like Santa in a tropical zone is not, in fact, a major bummer, or at least not as major of a bummer as we Yankees may have assumed it was.

Also, the fact that this was done to raise money for foster youth and teens in residential care is SPECTACULAR. I have no desire to have kids of my own, but someday, I would love the chance to be a foster parent. This might be the first time I’ve mentioned this in any kind of public forum even though I’ve been thinking about it for quite a while. I’m a long way from making that pie-in-the-sky dream a reality, but then again, I’ve already eaten a lot of sky-pies this past year.

Anyway. sorry for doubting you. I send my sincerest apologies to you and to Australia.

#youtube #santa claus #jet ski santa #australia #unlikely animals #htdio #marideth htdio #how to dance in ohio

[ashleywool]

saying “can u not” to inanimate objects that are just following the laws of physics but in, like, inconvenient ways

[ashleywool]

I heard there was a Pacific isle Its desert fauna taught with style A lesson in what isolation and distance can do ya Their seasons opposite from us With creatures like the platypus So strange they couldn’t possibly be true, yeah

#how to dance in ohio #broadway #htdio #musical theatre #spectrum club 7 #htdio musical #marideth htdio #but you don't really care for musicals do ya #i'm sorry my brain just

[ashleywool]

HTDIO x H*R quotes, part 3

[Context for newbies: How to Dance in Ohio. Homestar Runner. Author is an autistic elder millennial who was in the original Broadway cast of the former, and is a regular degular superfan of the latter. Tumblr is for niche content.]

Jessica: Isn’t that like going to the prom with your dad? Marideth: And we’ve all been there, right gals?

Drew: Drew, did you make the best omelet ever during the commercial break? I sure did.

[answering the phone at Paws & Claws, too nervous to comprehend they’re using the wrong social script] Mel: Ma’am. Please calm down. Your CD tray is not a cupholder. I cannot help you clear your browser cache. No, I’m not in India.

[trying to find new places he might like to eat in Michigan] Drew: Pizza belongs in a triangle.

[after being grounded for crashing his brother’s truck] Tommy: Sitting on the couch is zero amounts of fun when there’s not a TV or hang-glider in front of it.

[asking Reddit for tech advice after content mysteriously disappeared from their phone] Remy: Back up my files? Are you kidding? Is that…a real thing that you have to do? I always thought that was like, y’know, a figure of speech.

[after the interview, re: Rick Jenkins] Ashley: Ugh, I feel like I need a chemical shower after talking to that guy. Do we have an emergency eyewash station?

[coaching Jessica on asking Tommy out] Caroline: We’re on a collision course with sultriness.

Marideth: [vocal stimming] TER-ti-A-ry.

Amy: Mommy’s got a grown-up headache, Drewby. Why don’t you take the boat out for a while?

Jessica: Ooh, my husky head commands a pretty penny. This’ll bring home a few months’ worth of bacon.

Tommy: Now, it is my intention to sit down and play video games for several hours.

[“Reincarnation,” but Mel is high] Ashley: No job, no apartment, no college degree—please God, in my next life, can I be someone other than me? Mel: You gots to look inside yourself. Positate the negative. When life throws pies at you, you make yourself a tall, cool glass of piemonade.

[having an anxiety attack while unable to get in touch with Jessica] Caroline: You can’t be dead! You’re my best friend and concubine! Oh, I should really look up what that word meeeeeans!

[trying to explain his midlife crisis logic to his own therapist] Dr. Amigo: No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. It’s like this: The ransom money becomes the new retirement money. And the retirement money becomes the new college fund. And the college fund…eh, we blow on a really tricked-out van.

#how to dance in ohio #htdio #homestar runner #strong bad

[ashleywool]

Pics or it didn't happen.

unlikely animals from how to dance in ohio is much funnier when you're from australia. "dressing like santa in a tropical zone sounds like a major bummer" well once i saw a guy fully dressed as santa on a jet ski and he was having a GREAT time!

[ashleywool]

“you sound like you dance in ohio”

-my friend bc i was ranting about food touching (we’re both autistic)

[ashleywool]

Correct me if I'm wrong but Jessica doesn't have a Big Solo Song (and I think every other of the group does?) and I was wondering if there is specific reasoning behind it or if I'm just missing something or WHAT

I hope you're having a good day!

There's actually a really good reason for this. You see, Rebekah and Jacob wanted to hold out on a Jessica number until we got a feature film. Because they knew that whatever new solo song they wrote for Jessica in the film, I'd knock it out of the park and get them their Best Original Song Oscar.

That isn't true at all, but now you're thinking about it, which is a win for my ego at least. :D

Personally, I don't think there was really an ideal place in the story we ended up with to give Jessica a solo number specific to her (e.g. not just a "screlting on the bed" moment). The point of songs is to drive the storytelling in ways that the dialogue can't, and so much of Jessica's story arc is intermingled with other characters and told through her relationships with them. You get the important parts of her story just from those relationships. If there was going to be a Jessica-specific solo number in the version of the story that ended up onstage, I think it would likely be too thematically similar to, say, "Under Control."

Also, let's be real, doesn't Jessica have enough Main Character Energy™ without a Rose's Turn moment? Lol.

Idk, y'all can feel free to write one. Maybe I'll sing it somewhere.

#jessica htdio #how to dance in ohio #broadway #htdio #musical theatre #spectrum club 7

[ashleywool]

"I LOVED THAT SHOW"

I wore my How to Dance in Ohio hoodie to church today. It's Palm Sunday and we did our customary palm procession from Duffy Square into the building, which is nice and all except winter decided to come back and bite my skin off again...so that sweatshirt seemed like the best choice as warm enough for the weather + can fit under my choir robe + won't get swelteringly uncomfortable once we're inside at the service. It did the job. Truly the ultimate transition piece. Get yours today while supplies last.

At fellowship afterwards, someone from the congregation that I didn't know--she's only in NYC part of the year--pointed out my sweatshirt and said "I LOVED THAT SHOW!"

It took her a moment to recognize me (she initially confused me for Madison, which, yeah that happens, I'll never be mad about it), and we had a lovely chat about the show. And what I noticed after walking away was...the subject of autism, or me being autistic, didn't come up at all.

I love and cherish the advocacy aspect of my work on HTDIO. I love and cherish the opportunity it gave me to be the autistic representation I wished I'd had growing up. But I have to say, it was SO nice to have someone, a total stranger, talking about the show and loving the show independent of The Autism Part.

It was wonderful being part of discussions about diverse representation, and I will never turn down opportunities to eagerly participate in those conversations. But I really wanted us to stick around long enough that the "novelty" aspect of "autistic characters played by autistic actors" (or even "canonically nonbinary/genderqueer characters") would wear off sufficiently for more people, so they could focus on the story and the characters and the music and all the other things that make our show great irrespective of the Representation aspect.

I've had a ROUGH few weeks, y'all. Truthfully, I've been going through one of the worst depressive episodes of my life. Aside from the obvious grief factor and logistical stressors, it turns out that post-operative depression is absolutely a thing. While I'd like to think I'm cognitively and emotionally mature enough to handle this level of change, especially considering how lucky I am to have robust support systems in family, friends, and healthcare practitioners, my very autistic nervous system has had a difficult time letting the sympathetic part cooperate with the parasympathetic part. So I've been a ball of tension, exhaustion, and worst of all, that soul-sucking apathy where nothing seems enjoyable or interesting, but maybe it would be if I had the energy to be interested.

It's helped to find a great physical therapy clinic that is giving me comprehensive, multi-pronged care and NOT charging me copays (because apparently my insurance pays them excellently--thank you, Equity-League and Cigna). It's helped that I got back in touch with a therapist I had seen years ago on BetterHelp (she's since left the platform and honestly, GOOD FOR HER). It's helped that I have parents with the means to help me out financially--and, crucially, the means to keep me accountable without resorting to pressure and guilt-tripping. It's helped to still live in a city where financial assistance isn't excruciatingly hard to come by if all else fails (at least compared to other states). It's helped to have agents submitting me for tons of exciting projects, and having several cabarets and readings to look forward to in this time of transition. It's helped to have a really chill, supportive church community keeping me spiritually grounded without buying into the yt American evangelical toxicity. It's helped to have my cats.

But sometimes, what makes me the happiest of all, is hearing "I LOVED THAT SHOW!"

I'll never not be proud to be known for How to Dance in Ohio and everything we stood for. I'm proud that the love was real, and the quality of the material reflected and reverberated that love. I'm proud of the representation aspect, and I'm proud that it wasn't just about that. And people who saw it, saw all of that.

It's so comforting to know that we shared this show with enough people that it's going to continue to matter.

People aren't going to forget.

I love that for us.

By the way, it was too cold to really show it off, but this is the shirt I wore underneath the sweatshirt. :)

#how to dance in ohio #htdio #broadway #musical theatre #spectrum club 7 #htdio musical

[ashleywool]

#madison kopec #star

[ashleywool]

These pictures showed up on my dash and randomly triggered a memory. These pictures remind me of how it felt after my ballet recitals when I was a kid. They were always in June.

That feeling of getting out of my pointe shoes and back into my regular shoes--though I might still be wearing my costume--and stepping outside of the theater into a clear night in June.

That transition from air heavy with the smell of sweat, halogen lights, and Aquanet...to a summer breeze carrying the scent of roses, freshly-cut grass, food from every restaurant in the area, maybe a touch of petrichor if it had just rained.

That feeling of happy satisfaction that we just did the thing and got the applause and now I get to go home and rest.

The first night I walked over to the Belasco to do the show after we found out we were closing, I stopped on the sidewalk seized with grief realizing that I would never get to make that walk in the spring and summer. I would never step out of the Belasco stage door and have this on the other side.

Even in the moment when that grief hit me, I knew it was probably a stupid thing to be sad about. I was on Broadway during a time when it's never been harder to be on Broadway, originating a role in a new musical during a time when it's never been harder for a new musical to make it that far.

But I hope someday I'll know what it feels like to be on Broadway when it's not winter.

㋡🥀

Amazing view..

#summer

[ashleywool]

what a shame doctors don’t prescribe vacation to secluded seaside towns like they used to