bipolarbean

[bipolarbean]

hi, friend! i am sorry if you've already answered this, but can you please share how your relationship with education/school/being a student has been while being simultaneously mentally ill? ive been going through some shit with school right now and am just genuinely curious. best wishes !!

going to school in any capacity is very difficult for me. i managed to make it through with a lot of help from my doctors and the internet lol. being mentally ill makes my life different and it makes my challenges at school very different but overall i love learning and growing and evolving in an educational environment and it’s worth it for me to do the work necessary to manage schoolwork and mental illness.

[bipolarbean]

hi. my psychiatrist just put me on lithium and something else. i don’t know if i should take them because i like being a fucking maniac even though i feel like dying afterwards. do you take any meds? should i take mine? what’s ur experience with them?

i refrain from discussing my medication in detail on the internet. also, i am not a medical professional and i cannot give medical advice regarding you or your medication. my experience with meds as far as i’m willing to share is as follows:

i took medication to manage my bipolar disorder for a long time, i was on mood stabilizers and antipsychotics. my medication saved my life. my alcoholism affected my medication and my body in a way where i no longer feel comfortable being on the medications that worked best for me. as such, i work with a team of doctors that i trust to help me manage my mental illness in many ways. in addition i do work every day to try and manage my mood. i believe that recovering is very hard and sometimes medication is the only way to get to a place where actual healing can happen.

#meds tw

[bipolarbean]

is it alright for people to say 'manic depression' instead of 'bipolar'? I was recently diagnosed and I like manic depression a lot more than bipolar but idk if its an okay thing in the community

manic depression is the older term used to refer to bipolar disorder. people use them interchangeably, i know that carrie fisher used the term manic depression to refer to her mental illness and i know people personally who do also. case by case i would say, so if you like it better then feel free to use it for yourself

[bipolarbean]

Hello I was diagnosed with bipolar 2, but I refused medication and right after my therapist dropped me and said there were nothing else he could do for me, but I’m still fucked up and I don’t really know what to do...

i’m so sorry, that’s a terrible thing for a professional to do to someone looking for help. medication is a personal choice and there are doctors who are willing to listen. i hope you can find someone who is a better fit to help you and who treats you with respect

[bipolarbean]

me, immediately after coming home from an 8 hour shift having not slept the night before: what would happen I made coffee and then cleaned my whole house and then cut my hair and then masturbated for two hours

me, approx. 6 hours later, speaking to no one: ,,,did you hear that...? ‘twas god herself...,.,... wHISPERING to ME..!.. be quiet!!! be careful!!! i,m l i s t e n i n g

#actuallybipolar #bipolar disorder #hallucination #manic episode

[bipolarbean]

me, at work: yeah, i guess i’m kinda depressed, but i’m pushing through it and trying my best! need any help? let me take care of you :)

me, the second i come home: i wonder how much of this bathtub i can fill with my blood before i die

#actuallybipolar #bipolar disorder #depressive episode #blood tw #self harm tw

[bipolarbean]

So, I’m not diagnosed with anything at the moment and I don’t believe that I have any mental illness. But my psychiatrist has put me on lithium and risperidone without any explanation as to why she chose to do that. Should I take them? Even if I’m not bipolar? Like I think that’s fucked up that they can do that when I have no symptoms whatsoever

I am not a medical professional. If you’re concerned about your medication/diagnosis I would bring that up with your doctor so they can help you find a treatment plan that works for you. I have taken medication that has done a lot of harm and I have also taken medication that saved my life. My doctors have helped me along the way and the ones that didn’t listen to or help me aren’t my doctors anymore. I believe in you, but I’m not the right person to ask.

[bipolarbean]

Hey you’re great and I’m wishing you well!!! 💖

thank you, same to you!

[bipolarbean]

Is there a psychotic side to bipolar; delusions, hallucinations, psychotic thoughts? If you experience them, what are they like? I’m bipolar and I’m starting to see how crazy I really am.

there definitely can be. psychosis looks and feels different depending on the person but some halmarks of bipolar psychosis is that it occurs during episodes but not during stable periods, that there is a marked distortion of perception of reality, and that those distortions cause distress or impair functioning. for me that means delusions, which is distorted beliefs about myself or others or the world, and auditory and visual hallucinations, which can range from things like hearing whispering and talking to hallucinations that seem real but are not visible or noticeable to anyone else.

[bipolarbean]

I'm so confused!!! everyone is telling me I'm bipolar cause I get really crazy and I say shit I can't control myself most of the time usually when i'm around people because they make me uncomfortable, but like some days I feel my norm which is depressed af and nothing really makes sense because I should be crazy all the time to be bipolar, and when everyone says this stuff it makes me feel like a poser that all my problems are fake, and its just so weird. what do you think?

I get so uncomfortable around people too, but something to keep in mind is that people use bipolar as an adjective to describe a lot of things that aren’t actually bipolar disorder. However, I was told by a lot of people that I was acting “bipolar” before I ever got diagnosed professionally. Also, being “crazy all the time” is not a diagnostic requirement and I’m not even sure what that would look like. You know yourself better than others, I would say do some research of your own and talk to someone who can support you or help guide you, I’m just a bean on the internet. Your problems aren’t fake, you’re not a poser, and mental illnesses aren’t a death sentence. Your experiences are valid and getting help in whatever way you can is something to be proud of. Hope this helped and hope you have a good day soon.

[bipolarbean]

hi im bipolar ive been laughing my head off reading your blog bc WoW so rElatAbLe ive never seen my most....specific thoughts put so accurately in words before thank you

thank you! I started this blog to find some community and support and because I wanted to know that there’s other people out there feeling similar things, I’m glad I can be that for you too.

[bipolarbean]

I can't eat often. Have lost too much weight. I sleep either most of the day, or can go a month with only sleeping 5 hours a night or once every 24 hours. The one consistency is I constantly want to die. Over 10years this has been my deepest wish. That's what I want more than anything. Been smoking cigs for three years hoping I will finally kick the bucket. It is taking too long. I have bipolar 2 apparently. This blog is pretty relatable to me, and some things make me laugh, others make me cry.

I know how that feels. I’ve struggled with my eating and with smoking for a long time. The good thing I find in not having consistency is that things will always change and that that change can be for the better. I hope you can find some peace and stay safe today.

#ed tw #suicide tw

[bipolarbean]

You haven’t posted in ages and it’s either bc you’re dead or you’re doing well and I hope it’s the second one

hey, still alive, still struggling but not nearly as bad as I have in the past. thanks for the message, I’m trying to be more active but sometimes it’s better for me to step back from this and actively work on my mental health. hope you’re doing well.

[bipolarbean]

me: is sober for over four months

me: is trying to overcome the anxiety that has only been getting worse

me: trying to deal with trauma in a healthy way

my Brian™: if you died right now then everyone would be happy and you’d stop being a burden to your friends and society also here’s some paranoia and delusional thoughts that resist all forms of self-care

me: ...has everyone tried the chicken i thought the chicken was lovely

[bipolarbean]

been away for a while but now i’m back because i’m drunk and listening to mama mia on repeat while depressed as shit laying on the floor so like if you’d wanna knife fight me in a parking lot i’d let you win

#actuallybipolar #bipolar disorder #depressive episode #alcohol tw

[bipolarbean]

before trauma: I love live music feeling the bass in my chest and the community and the feelings omg

after trauma: there’s way too many people here and if I stay I will have a panic attack it’s worth the ticket price to not be there

#actuallyptsd #trauma #actually traumatized

[bipolarbean]

me depressed: maybe i’ll just cut myself so i’m not sad anymore and because who cares

me manic: Maybe!!! i’ll cut myself so thaaaaat i can prove I Am Alive and do some homemade scarification tattoos!! that’ll keep the demons away!! i hope my Friends think i’m Cool and not Crazy bc im for sure Both!!!!!

#actuallybipolar #bipolar disorder #depressive episode #manic episode #dissociation #manic depressive #self harm tw