calvin-reads-problem-sleuth

[calvin-reads-problem-sleuth]

Konami trying and failing to stop Tearlaments from wrecking the entire metagame (and thereby exposing the underlying flaws in YGO’s game design) for a year and counting now:

#yugioh #yu gi oh #Maybe the new banlist will finally kill this deck off #But somehow I doubt it

[calvin-reads-problem-sleuth]

Fun fact: We know the size of the Pokémon world because Scarlet and Violet has framerate issues

[calvin-reads-problem-sleuth]

So Yu-Gi-Oh's Jump Festa 2023 presence has come and gone (at least I believe it's gone; if there's another presentation that I don't know about, please let me know in the replies) and I feel like we are in. A weird place as a fandom right now. We did get news about new cards for Cyberstorm Access and the last non-reprints for the Secret Utility Box, but in terms of the future of the game beyond that? We got... nothing. Not a single word whispered about Master Rule 6*, or Series 12 in general, or anything related to the long-term future of the game. As far as we've been informed, the future of the game past January 14th is a gigantic question mark.

And I can't help but wonder if that's a good or bad sign. On the one hand, the fact that Konami is being so secretive about their plans likely means they have something big planned for the start of Series 12. On the other hand... if they do have something in the works, why wouldn't they announce it at their Jump Festa presentation like they did the last few times they introduced major overhauls to the game?

I don't know, I could easily be wrong, but I can't help but fear that Konami isn't planning a new Master Rule update at all; and that's a very scary thought, given how the recent Tear 0 format vividly demonstrated how inherently unsustainable the game is in its current state.

*And yes, I know that Master Rules 4 and 5 were not technically called that. I also know that they functioned exactly the same way as new Master Rules and followed the same release schedule as them, so the distinction is academic at best.

#yu-gi-oh #ygo #jump festa 2023

[calvin-reads-problem-sleuth]

"Jumpy, have you ever heard the name, [Goncharov]?"

-Goncharov... Can't say it rings a bell. Is that some sort of scientist?

"It's a movie, actually. About the Italian mob. Goncharov is the eponymous protagonist."

-Hang on a second, Italian? I thought Goncharov was a Russian name.

"Well, yes. But the movie takes place in Italy. That's not important right now. What's strange about this movie is, although it was supposedly released in 1973, it only gained attention in 2022."

-Almost five decades later... marketing really flubbed that one, huh?

"That's not it. The movie doesn't exist."

-Wait, what? What do you mean it doesn't exist?

"It never did. There was never a movie called Goncharov. Only one day in 2022 the internet started talking about it as if it was real. As if everyone had already seen it."

-That... that has to be a prank, right? I mean it wouldn't be the first time the internet took a liking to spreading lies, would it?

"That's true. Especially on tumblr, where the phenomenon originated. But what if there's more to it? What if the knowledge of that movie was "plucked" from some alternative timeline where the movie was critically acclaimed, and "transmitted" to our timeline through fields invisible to the naked eye?"

-C'mon. That's insane. Isn't it way more likely that tumblr was, y'know, being tumblr?

"Maybe. But isn't it strange that the name of the movie, its director, its cast of characters, the actors playing them, and the year of its release was unanimously agreed upon by one of the most inconsistent and chaotic blogging websites out there?"

-Th... that's...

"I'm not done yet. Not only that, but the events of story, the relationships between the characters, interviews with the cast, audio recordings of the movie score, fandom discourse, and multiple gifsets of the movie footage started appearing on everyone's dashboards. And none of the information contradicted each other."

-!

-(Could that really be? A movie that was transmitted to the public consciousness from another timeline...?)

[calvin-reads-problem-sleuth]

Reblog if you’d go to a TEDxTalk hosted by Seto Kaiba

[calvin-reads-problem-sleuth]

Don't worry, neither will any of us who've actually played it

Sitting here thinking about Kingdom Hearts before bed (you know, like you do) and it really sunk in how surreal it is that this franchise with so much content effectively has no spin-off games. Oh sure, it has games that seem like spinoffs, and arguably should be, but in reality every single one of them is plot-critical.

That 3DS port of a Japanese mobile phone game whose plot Nomura literally wrote while drunk? Its ending resolves the cliffhanger KH2 left off on for around half a decade. The DS game that seemingly only exists for additional Roxas angst? Hope you remembered that new girl we introduced, because otherwise a big chunk of KH3 won't make much sense! Want to know where Sora wound up after KH3? Play this rhythm game for about 20 hours and maybe we'll tell you! The goddamn smartphone-exclusive MMORPG set thousands of years before the main story? Fuck you, we hid like half the lore in there, enjoy not understanding KH4 at all you ignorant fool

[calvin-reads-problem-sleuth]

Sitting here thinking about Kingdom Hearts before bed (you know, like you do) and it really sunk in how surreal it is that this franchise with so much content effectively has no spin-off games. Oh sure, it has games that seem like spinoffs, and arguably should be, but in reality every single one of them is plot-critical.

That 3DS port of a Japanese mobile phone game whose plot Nomura literally wrote while drunk? Its ending resolves the cliffhanger KH2 left off on for around half a decade. The DS game that seemingly only exists for additional Roxas angst? Hope you remembered that new girl we introduced, because otherwise a big chunk of KH3 won't make much sense! Want to know where Sora wound up after KH3? Play this rhythm game for about 20 hours and maybe we'll tell you! The goddamn smartphone-exclusive MMORPG set thousands of years before the main story? Fuck you, we hid like half the lore in there, enjoy not understanding KH4 at all you ignorant fool

#kingdom hearts #kh #kh spoilers

[calvin-reads-problem-sleuth]

Congratulations to Subaru on becoming a starter

#pokemon #pokemon scarlet and violet #quaxly #hololive #hololive subaru

[calvin-reads-problem-sleuth]

list of things that happened in kingdom hearts but more specifically regarding disney worlds that makes me lose my fucking mind (because i dont think we talk about the disney worlds enough)

alice is under trial because the queen of hearts thinks she tried to actually murder her

alice also gaslights the queen in the sequel

the only character in the entire franchise that we know is 100% dead and will never ever come back to life ever again is clayton from tarzan

the 101 dalmatians have been shoved in treasure chests and are scattered around the universe

king triton knows about the keyblade masters and no i will not shut up about it

oogie boogie dies and then turns into a giant??? what????????

the beast just reached another world because “he believed he could” or something

maleficent saves the gang literally because nobody fucks with the anime kid and his weird animal friends but her

twice

belle and the rose are taken hostage so the bad guy of the day can torture the beast psychologically. belle just elbows the fucker in the guts, takes the rose and leaves instead. fucking queen

stitch appears out of nowhere just to move the plot

chicken little is canon. i dont think we talk about this fucker is canon in kingdom hearts. he just appears and sora is like “yea i can summon him” like whats up with that nobody asked for it

cinderella is bi and totally into aqua we all agree on this right–

minnie mouse banishes pete to a galactic prison because he threw a issy fit after he didnt win an ice cream

the gang and the people im olympus are so used to hades trying to take over and kill everyone by now that they simply point the door at him after they defeat him the third time and he just leaves

everyone knows about woody tearing apart the main villain and sulley and mike yeeting another but nobody talks about how jack sparrow defeats one with nothing but bad breath

feel free to add donald with zettaflare and goofy dying arent allowed

[calvin-reads-problem-sleuth]

Playing Yu-Gi-Oh! Master Duel makes me want to buy a copy of "Eldlich the Golden Lord" purely so I can go full Episode 1 Kaiba on it.

It wouldn't actually stop anyone from using it against me, but it would feel damn good.

#yugioh #yugioh master duel

[calvin-reads-problem-sleuth]

> bringing back RTD as showrunner for a second run

> rumors (which the BBC has pointedly refused to comment on) about David Tennant returning as a 13.5th Doctor for the 60th

> new rumors about Catherine Tate getting a returning role

Speaking as someone who has loved almost every season of the revival series, the BBC could not be any more obvious about their attitudes if they put a poster on the side of their offices with a picture of RTD, the TARDIS, and the words "WE'RE SORRY ABOUT CHRIS CHIBNALL" on it.

#doctor who #dw spoilers

[calvin-reads-problem-sleuth]

Whatever you think the plot of Assassin's Creed is, it's wilder than that. All of the historical stuff is a series of VR simulations being extracted from people's DNA. All myths in human history were inspired by an ancient alien-like race that predates humans. The big bad of the entire franchise gets unceremoniously killed off in a comic between games. Nikola Tesla caused the Tunguska event.

#assassins creed #ac spoilers

[calvin-reads-problem-sleuth]

The Dream World, revealing itself to be Dark Bramble 2.0:

#outer wilds #outer wilds spoilers #echoes of the eye #echoes of the eye spoilers #outer wilds echoes of the eye spoilers #Youtube

[calvin-reads-problem-sleuth]

Jojo fandom: Araki, you've got two chapters left of Part 8, you need to start resolving the questions! Who was the Flashback Man from near the start of the Part? Why did Josefumi have a Joestar birthmark? Does Norisuke survive the final attack by Wonder Of U? What the fuck is going on with the Higashikata family estate? For the love of god, what were the Wall Eyes?! We need answers!!

Araki: Just for that, here's a sentient guardrail trying to eat Lucy Steel and a new supporting character we've never seen before.

Jojo fandom:

#jjba #jojo's bizarre adventure #jojolion #jojo part 8 #jjba part 8 #jojolion spoilers #jjba spoilers

[calvin-reads-problem-sleuth]

I will never not be amused by the fact that Andrew Cartmel described the Timeless Child reveal as being "bad for canon" when his major contribution to Time Lord lore was spending an entire multi-book arc screaming "TIME LORDS DON'T FUCK" at anyone who was willing to listen and many who were not.

#doctor who #the timeless children #doctor who series 12 #doctor who spoilers

[calvin-reads-problem-sleuth]

thinking about how an anonymous group (WHO DOESN’T SEEM TO BE AFFILIATED W/ SESAME STREET!!!) found out where jon armond lived and made him swear he wouldn’t show anyone cracks before they gave it to him

[calvin-reads-problem-sleuth]

The Magnus Archives is like the polar opposite of the shows and stories that are meant to be lighthearted but if you do any amount of thinking about the implications of their worldbuilding it quickly becomes utterly horrifying. 

A physical manifestation of fear let a guy live for like a solid week because he thought that hiding under a blanket would protect him and the fear entity decided to respect that as long as he was sufficiently worried about the situation. A group of things pretending to be human are forced to take an anatomy course, presumably because they were doing such a bad job at it.