cancerian-95 - Tumblr blog

cancerian-95 · 4 months

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Hello Tumblr, this is the end of the line. I have not written on this page for a while and it is best to let this blog gather dust and walk away. Before I walk away completely, let me provide one last update, a happy, loving, complete story that wraps up my blog well. The title “.” not only signals the end, but a completion, just as this person has completed me. She is not only my best friend, but my loving, cute, beautiful fiancée (yes, you read that right). This post is for her, for I am and always will be eternally grateful that she has changed my life for the better in all facets.

2020 was a once in a century event, a massive global pandemic called Covid-19 that shut Earth down. Some things would never be the same again, work/office life, travel and my love life…on May 8th 2020, after re-downloading CMB after a time away from my last relationship, I matched with her with little knowledge that my life was about to completely change. My first line was nothing special asking how lockdown was treating her but with every line and message, I felt something, an emotion that would blossom and bloom beyond the prettiest hydrangea or peony. I was never more happy to be away from my bad habits, to video call and talk to her as night times with her became my favourite time of the day. We waited out for a few months before meeting in person in the first week of July. I was nervous, things had been going great and I didn’t want to mess things up but when I saw her, it relaxed me and those strong feelings I had only grew with every moment.

With every date, call, gift…with every passing day, it felt like I was living my best dream. I fell for her just like you fall asleep to quote TFIOS “slowly, then all at once.” It is hard to point to a time but subconsciously, she was the only person I want to spend time with or share my insecurities and emotions to and that is something I have never felt in anyone else. Never has it felt more easy or natural and never has it clicked as well as it still does to this day and as it will going forward.

The relationship was not without trials, mainly Covid related and personal issues but no matter how big the efforts were to put out the fire, it kept burning brighter and stronger. I would never give up on someone as special as her and I would be stupid to throw it away so despite the stress growing with every passing day, I persevered and stayed committed knowing if we could get through this, then we could get through anything. I’m grateful for her patience too and sticking with me through the most difficult times.

I have never felt more supported to be a better version of myself. To have someone push you and make you more ambitious to reach your goals is priceless. I probably do not say this enough but I would never be where I am now or as happy as I am now without her and it is all thanks to her. On our journey together, we celebrated getting new jobs, shared countless memories on trips, achieved key milestones in our lives and most importantly, got engaged. We moved in to our new flat earlier this year and this experience living with you is better than anything I could have imagined or drawn up as a child growing up. I have learned independence, responsibility and yet am so lucky to be cared for and loved by her every day. But the best feeling and best part of my every day is cuddling her to sleep every night and waking up next to her every morning. She is the reason I smile, the reason I look forward to my every day for the rest of my life.

I hope I can be even half the amazing person she is and I will do everything I can to make sure she gets all she wants and desires as that is the least she deserves putting up with me every day. I love her more than words can describe and my wish is that even as this page or blog will gather dust, she will come by every now and then to read this and realise how special she is as a person and how special she is to me. She is the best thing that has happened to me ever and I will never let go.

We are almost at the finish line Tumblr…one final paragraph. Our lives, our fate changes with each decision we make and we all go through our lives making many important decisions. Everything that led up to our relationship and where we are now was based on decisions. I am happy with my decisions, I hope she is as well. Let us carry on filling in pages and chapters of our unfinished story. Next stop: Wedding!

I love you.

#my story #my life #love #i love you #relationship #engaged #writing #hobby #dmc

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cancerian-95 · 4 years

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get someone to look at you the way Blake looks at Ben! #SanAndreas #AlexandraDaddario #BlakeandBen #BlakeGaines

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cancerian-95 · 5 years

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Clinging on to student life

Tumblr, it has been a while, it has been too long but I finally get around to writing another post...sorry I have been so non-existent. This post is written on a train journey home where I recollect the moments recently that remind me of my student life...the part of me that is still clinging on to being young and refusing to accept the nature that is work.

Badminton...I have not been part of the university for a while now but thanks to a certain few, I have never been too far away from the society. I am thankful, grateful and happy that I have managed to keep in touch well with my old friends to the point where they still welcome me on some events! Even though I cannot show them how grateful I am, hopefully bits of this post can show my thankfulness!

It is so easy to lose touch, to go missing, to forget to reply/invite so for it to have gone on for almost two years is an effort I will not forget. I value my friendships a lot and so it means a lot to me when others make the effort to include you. Thank you Henry, Omar and Nico :)) As it is a society as well, the names do not stop there...I have gone on to meet new friends, new, genuine people and it makes me happy to think I am part of a great social group in badminton even though I am long gone as a student!

From Connecticut/California (wherever), to YouTube sensation, to omnipresent parents...we are all laughs and jokes. It does not matter if I have met you once, or several times...this is badminton family and again....just so grateful I am still welcome to these events! I know my allegiance or my connections with the badminton society in general will not last forever but I will cherish these moments I had/will have for a while, whenever I feel like clinging on to my student side.

I may have repeated myself a fair few times here and there, but I guess it signals my passion for the sport as well as the love I have with the society in general....

Thank you! :)

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cancerian-95 · 7 years

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May

It’s been almost a year since I posted something random on my blog that with every passing second, gathers more and more dust as it is slowly forgotten not only with my friends but myself too.

It’s exam season guys, one of the most difficult times for me and for many students out there whether it’s university, A Levels, GCSE etc. First exam starts tomorrow and hopefully that should be okay, but it is the ones after that I am more concerned about. I have this wave of emotional immaturity still and am finding it hard to find stability within myself. I almost feel as if I cannot do this anymore, struggling over the finish line just for the sake of my Masters degree and I still have a dissertation to write which will probably be the end of me soon. I try seek comfort in my friends but it just has not felt the same as undergraduate, I miss them....a lot!

This year has just been full of distractions everywhere. Going out, meeting new people, dates, realising things super late again, I hate to be so cliché but this year really has been a rollercoaster of a ride. Ups, downs, highs, lows. Categorise it anything you like, it has not been easy for me. I am just dragging myself along this academic year, regretted many things and pretty much gone nowhere. I suppose the one thing that has improved in me is my confidence with others, just being more free and confident in front of people...it is reassuring when my best mates tell me “wow who is this Cheuk!?” I cannot imagine myself 4 years ago doing the things I am doing today in a social aspect so I am happy this part of me has improved over the years...thanks to my friends as well!

The big question everyone seems to ask me, “how are the Tinder girls?” or “how is it with “....”?” To those who read, let me answer this here. I am single, not actively seeing anyone so no progress I suppose until the next time I write. It’s one area I still do not excel in but working on it.

Let’s see when it is until the next time I write, but see ya Tumblr...probably after my exams.

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cancerian-95 · 8 years

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3 years fly by...

like it was never there! wow, such a blur yet such clarity in my memories of what happened in certain events. Friday 10th June, the last day of exams, the end of year party (where I had too much to drink) signaled the end of 3 wonderful years at QMUL. I think it only really hit me after the end of year party that some of these friends I will rarely see ever again...I mean I’ll try my best to keep in touch, but I’ve known from experience, it’s never really that easy but fingers crossed! :)

lots of ups and downs as I’ve written about before...I’ve experienced what I want though, to learn through the events that occurred and to become a better person because of that. I’ve grown to understand people’s ways and not to be as gullible and naive as I have been before university started. I just see things differently now and in several perspectives rather than my narrow vision before.

the end of year party wasn’t my finest moment, I felt dizzy and horrible during the event, had way too much to drink but at least this experience makes me aware of my limit and how much I don’t like being too drunk. I really didn’t enjoy it! :P I would share, but I really don’t remember much...at the end of it though...we still all saw each other one last time and though I didn’t show my true emotions facially, inside...it really dawned on me that I’ll miss these wonderful friends I’ve made. I’d love to see them again from time to time and I hope that such an opportunity does arise in the future.

after eating some food, 5 of us crashed at my friend’s place. it was good to finally let everything out, university had ended...all the stories could come out! Clearly having been part of the other side, I had plenty to share...some funny, some emotional and some sort of angry haha but I’ll move on from that, not worth it to hold a grudge. Sharing deep stories and confessions, it was a good few hours convo and yeah good fun even though we were all so tired and on the verge of collapse.

we all made it out alive, survived 3 years of university, for some...masters await, others grad jobs, others the search continues! I wish all my friends the best of luck with whatever they do :) you all deserve good things and I hope it all turns out well for you!

Thanks: Sagar, Mihir, Segaran, Naman, Shahrukh, Phil, Anand, Sunil, Khushali, Joel, Raisa, Bruno, Faizan, Raaid, Sara, Carmen, Joe, Angel, Bella, Fatin, Jess, Surjit, Ashley, Alex, Dianika, Shivali, Sumedha, Tanya, Raj +....

#university #qmul

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cancerian-95 · 8 years

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You know what...I think it’s time I’ve posted something on Tumblr, it has been a fair while! You know what...to those that actually read this, most of my posts have been edited tonnes of times, thought about and made sure by proof reading...so this time, I’m going to try something different...just write as it is...so anything can come up frankly. Barring spelling, typing mistakes, here goes (this could be long):

Well, what’s happened since the last time I’ve written...a lot! I mean I have made a new friend, the last day of university for undergraduate has finished and I’ve completed four exams. I mean not the most eventful last few months of my life, but interesting enough to write about it! :’) I got over something quite well now and I feel like it’s always a good thing for me to move on about something...I still feel I have this horrible thing where I can just get disturbed or distracted obsessively about something; it’s still one thing I really need to work on just in life. I’m sure that will get better though with age and experience.

I want to talk about my new friend. We met via Tinder...(did I mention that I used it? oh well!) and I feel I’m very lucky to have even known her just because she studies elsewhere outside London. I’m not even going to lie, I had pretty much given up with the whole Tinder thing and was about to uninstall the app, before giving it one last shot and well...I matched with her, we actually started talking and arranged a meet up! The meet up was a good day, we met up for coffee in Victoria and then visited Buckingham Palace...we just chatted, talked with a balance of English and Chinese aka Chinglish, and I feel we got on well and to this day, I still talk to her and I’m happy I got to know someone like her. It’s not every day that you meet someone who’s always up for a conversation, someone who makes you laugh, smile and just be happy with life so thanks to her for that! I suppose I’ll add a good luck to her for her upcoming exams! :)

With regards to my exams, well...I had a month to revise during April and didn’t really take advantage of the time that I had. So many distractions and for me, that’s a big problem! I have the attention span of a gnat! Not good. Oh I almost forgot...before all that was of course the last day of university. I’m only going back because I feel it’s good to do things in a chronological order. That was a great night....just being able to gather round friends for one final time before exams was amazing! Over the three years of uni, I’ve met great people and learned a lot about myself and I guess that’s the point of it all....you search for who you are, and you realise that in the end, you are that kinda person whoever that might be, academic or going out or both. That phrasing was kinda awful but you get me...I just feel comfortable now with the people I’m around and I’m happy I’ve gone through that transition phase of finding who I am. Well back to my exams...this post has been drafted now for a while so I’ve now actually completed 7/8 exams....1 left! Overall ok, but I’m gutted for one of them which I think I failed, just horrible exam when you spend so long trying to figure something out but in the end, come up with nothing! That horrible sinking feeling and then your mind just goes blank! You try to calm down but it doesn’t do anything :( oh well, just move on and continue...got 1 left, let’s try do well on that one! :)

I probably started this in mid May and it’s taken me up to now to finish it on the 5th June...oh well, that’s the story of me over the last few months! Some bits may be outdated because of the length it’s taken me to finish this but I doubt many people actually care! Anyway, looking ahead...nearly done with exams, seriously cannot wait for the 10th to party hard and be free of exams for this year! So looking forward to that and then from 16th, going HK for two and a bit weeks...got work at an accountancy firm so hopefully that will be good! I have friends to meet for the first time so it should be good fun, better than tagging along with my parents half the time at least not that I don’t enjoy it! :P fingers crossed all goes well and it’s a fun holiday! :)

not my best written piece by any stretch but it’s something different, just looking back also...not a lot I actually wrote about but oh well :P

till the next time...graduation...*cough...looms, time flies...cya!

#uni #my story

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cancerian-95 · 8 years

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cancerian-95 · 8 years

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Rebecca Sutter <3

#katie findlay #rebecca sutter #htgawm #how to get away with murder

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cancerian-95 · 8 years

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Katie Findlay, Rebecca Sutter <3

How could you just walk away and leave me here?

#how to get away with murder #katie findlay #rebecca sutter

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cancerian-95 · 8 years

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Don’t patronize me.

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cancerian-95 · 8 years

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Rebecca Sutter begging for her life.

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cancerian-95 · 8 years

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A new routine

Time is forever changing and so it’s no surprise when life around you changes too! Whether that is in your personal life or your social life or stuff at work...things are constantly changing. For this, I’m going to use the charity shop as an example. A shop where I have worked at for around 6 months now and I’ve seen changes in the looks and personnel too...

First things first, the shop itself. It’s been so long that I don’t really recall what the shop actually looked like the first time I started out working there...but it’s definitely a lot different than it used to be! I would say some changes were for the better, others...meh! I’m not so sure but hey...I’m not the manager! :P As long as the shop is doing well and the manager is happy, I’m cool with it and personally, I do like how the shop looks these days, I probably couldn’t come up with anything better myself...

Personnel wise...wow that’s been a journey! From working on Tuesday and Fridays to just a Wednesday afternoon! I mean the people/students who volunteered there in the summer...some I still see, others less so! The so called Friday group has gone, whilst I’ve changed my routine to a Wednesday group...and I still enjoy it from the start to finish of my shift! There’s always someone shining brightly on the till for starters, a friend (whom I wish well on Sat, Jan 30) who is fun to talk to, sociable and sweet! She’s worked here for a while now and has done her job well, hope she continues working...

Then the 4:30-5:30 group on the Wednesday afternoon, aka. the most unproductive team in the history of Oxfam! As individuals, I think they all lack a bit of something...I’m not quite sure what that is but as a trio...when all three are in harmony, it’s some team! For starters, there’s the short energetic bubbly character...she can move alright, our own little DJ :P she’s that little spark that a friend group always needs, the little bit of energy that gets a conversation going and productive when she gets going! Then there’s the shy kid who could show a bit more emotion and heart when doing/saying stuff. Occasionally says the wrong things but then...tbh, I’m a guy, I’ve made that mistake lots of times and I can understand that! He’s easy going, cool to get along with and just generally a nice guy and being the guy in this little trio...he kinda plays it well ;) Finally...the tall one *almost as tall as me but not quite...she’s quiet, gets along doing her own stuff and in her own little world sometimes. She’s sweet too and has a warm heart for others but needs to find that balance between to the point and the wrong side of so called manners...

Generally, this little hour trio has it all in terms of height, personality, productivity and fun. A clear example that Oxfam kinda brings people/volunteers together too and I hope this trio friendship grows to good things! Doing something for the community and having fun doing it at the same time is what makes the manager and myself happy and to experience and see it first hand...it’s an absolute pleasure! They’ve completed their tasks well and grown together as friends! They are near the end of their time at the shop as they have other stuff to focus on but just want to say it’s been good and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed working with them! :)

My time at Oxfam is coming to a sudden end soon as well...and a new routine will follow, I’ll be back in the summer and pop in when I can, but for now, the pressing concern of final year exams is starting to loom large...

Here goes...

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cancerian-95 · 8 years

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Back.

Been away for a while, not that anyone probably noticed but anyway…it’s been a month or so since my last reblog or written piece so here goes!

Confidence is something that is hard to come by for certain individuals, it doesn’t come naturally to some people and so doubt is in their minds a lot of the times. Having been brought up with no real personal problems, it’s easy to think the whole world runs like clockwork but there are people you meet along the way that really suffer and are not as fortunate as you are, those that tell a story…

About this good friend, it is amazing to think how far she has come along in such a short time! You almost couldn’t recognise it at first, maybe because the environment around her was fun but who knew that there were so many hidden struggles she was going through...if I had knew,I probably wouldn’t have done what I did back then! Initially, an individual so short on confidence, so worried about future events, concerned about her appearance, consumed with jealousy as well...As bad is it sounded, it was probably a good thing she expressed those emotions so that the friends around her could help...and also, that event was possibly the best thing she could have done for herself!

Afterwards, the mood was tense. I won’t go into specific details because that’s none of my business and well...I actually don’t know! :’) but there was no quick fix. In that situation, it’s important to take some time away to recover, refocus, refresh the mind...to give it time! Take things slowly and make sure there is no misunderstanding between everyone. I guess having been in a similar scenario before, I could relate myself to her so we agreed on a chat a few days later. To the chat, I think firstly we cleared up any misunderstanding that occurred that day but the most important thing I had to get across to her was confidence. Confidence. It had been sorely lacking and I saw her that day...the figure of almost resignation, like she had no energy, almost as if all the life was sucked out of her...I could tell it was a low point for her. But having spoke to her, I think I managed to get across the point that she just had to be patient...not to rush, and not to be too concerned about herself and what had been going on around her....

Since then...I can think you can almost see the transformation in herself as a person. She speaks loud and clear, her presence is warming and she just has so much more personality and energy about her...in short, confidence did her the world of good! She’s also found someone and I couldn’t be more happy for her after our little talk...I just hope that this continues and I see the fun bubbly dopey sarcastic side of her from now on.....

To me, she’s a good friend that I obviously care about. She’s one that cannot spot sarcasm and can act a bit dopey at times but funny dopey at that! What I like about her too is that when I’m around her or talking to her on the phone...I can just be myself, and that says a lot about her....a comfortable person to be around and a top friend! We almost trade embarrassing moments these days and I like the strength of our friendship...here’s to many more! Hope to just crack her up more and more....

Cheuk

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cancerian-95 · 8 years

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