it’s been a while
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omg hello!!!!!!!!!
it has been almost eleven months since i posted a fic here
i haven’t written freely and creatively in so long and i needed to again it felt good to just write. this might be a little rough bc i’m rusty but i still like it.
it’s kind of angsty, potentially leading to a part 2?? but also i like how it finished
lmk what u think
word count: 2.1k
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it’s been a while
You’d found yet another reflective surface to look at yourself in. Part of you wish you hadn’t because the more you looked, the more things you noticed you didn’t like and the more you convinced yourself you didn’t look good. You’d already changed your outfit eight different times, and honestly it would have been more had you had more clothes available in your suitcase, but you were only here for the weekend and you’d already overpacked for that. Besides that, you had to redo your hair a couple of times too. Because of it getting messed up with the outfit changes and you didn’t want to go over that again, you would make yourself later for the event then you already were.
However this time, you couldn’t change even if you did have more clothes available, for you weren’t at your hotel room anymore and the reflective surface you were looking in was the wall of the elevator taking you up to the floor of the party.
You’d been in this elevator once before, taking you to a party to the same place the one was tonight and you had been nervous for a different reason. But that was a long time ago, and you were much happier and you weren’t standing here alone like you were now, you were standing with him. With Corpse.
-
“What if they don’t like me?”
“Honey.” Corpse shut his eyes and released a deep breath as he slightly dropped his head back. He was positive this had to be about the thirtieth time you’d ask him this question today. But he knew you were feeling anxious, he could see it in the way you chewed on your bottom lip and continuously balled your hands into fists. And he wanted you to feel reassured, so once again, he’d go over the almost exact conversation the two of you had, had every time you’d ask him this today. “They like you already.” He’d respond, while opening his eyes and picking his head back up to hold eye contact with you.
“But it’s different.”
“No it’s not.”
“They’ve only met me online.”
“And they love you online.”
“But what if they only love me online,” You were talking about his friends he’d met through streaming, and sure they had become your friends too through your time streaming, but you knew they were friends with Corpse first and this would be your first time meeting them in person. “what if they meet me in real life and hate me?”
“How could anyone hate you?”
It was almost word for word the same conversation you’d had only moments ago in the car, and just like in the car, you huffed and looked away from your boyfriend. You wanted to believe him, but you were believing your irrational thoughts more.
And there you went again, bringing your bottom lip between your teeth however this time, Corpse brought his hand to your jaw and brought your vision back to his. His eyes were on your mouth and he placed his thumb on your lip, puling your bottom lip back out. “You gotta stop doing that, you’ll hurt yourself and wake up with a bruised lip.” His thumb grazed over your tender bottom lip. “It’s already swollen and extra red.”
“I’m nervous.”
“I know.” Then he kissed you. And fuck, his mouth meshing with yours always made you feel better.
-
But he wasn’t with you to do that now, he hadn’t been for a long time. Shaking your head, you finally pulled your eyes from your own reflection to stop anymore of the insults you were giving to yourself and instead, to the little screen that displayed the floor numbers. You were going to the top level and as the numbers continued ascending, so did your anxiety.
Tonight would be the night you’d see Corpse again. It was strange how once you were convinced you couldn’t go one single day without him, how you once thought you’d spend the rest of your life with him but now he was your ex boyfriend. You hadn’t seen him since that fateful day that was almost eleven months ago now.
-
“When did things start changing so much?” You were on the verge of tears, but you didn’t care, you just felt so helpless and blind sighted. The relationship had been so incredible, everything had been going so great.
“I’ve been feeling like this for a little while.” Corpse responded and your heart broke more.
“What?” A tear of yours fell then and your voice cracked. But Corpse didn’t repeat himself, he knew you had heard him and you were saying what moreso out of shock then anything else. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“You’ve just been so busy.”
“So this is my fault?”
“No...no,” He was getting frustrated, perhaps this conversation was overdue. “that’s not what I’m trying to say.”
“I don’t understand.” You were completely honest. Your career had been changing lately, you’d been becoming more and more popular, your followers growing substantially by the day. So you had been busier, but Corpse had only expressed how happy he was for you. But now here you were looking at each other in silence and you couldn’t believe what was happening. “Do you feel like I haven’t had enough time for you?”
“No, (Y/N), fuck. That’s not what I mean either.”
“Then what do you mean?” You raised your voice slightly then, you were feeling overwhelmed by your emotions.
“I just can’t be with you right now.”
“Why?”
“Because, baby-”
“Don’t call me baby if you’re literally breaking up with me right now.”
“Sorry.”
“So you are?”
“What?”
“You’re breaking up with me?”
He just stared at you. And that infuriated you. “Fucking answer me!”
“Yes, fuck, okay. I guess I am.”
Your heart was crushed and you turned away from him then.
“Say something.” He spoke again, reaching out to touch your shoulder but you jolted away upon his feeling his hand meeting yours and you refused to turn back. “Please, (Y/N).”
“I don’t know what to say.”
You were crying and he could hear it your voice. “I’m sorry.”
“Are we really about to break up a week before Valentine’s day?” You knew that wasn’t what was important, but you were so caught off guard, your mind wasn’t working quick enough to process the intense emotion you were feeling.
-
The elevator doors opened and the action brought you back from the memory that had been replaying in your mind.
You could feel your anxiety bubbling more as you entered the party. Almost all of the people here you’d met pretty much only through your now ex boyfriend and after moving away after your break up, you’d barely seen any of them, too.
However, you were greeted warmly. A chorus of hello’s and I’ve missed you’s being told to you again and again as you embraced friends you’d missed dearly. Amongst the catch up conversations, one friend noticed you continuously glancing around to the people you hadn’t yet said hello to, but you were only looking for one face, to which they said to you. “He said he had a work thing tonight, he’s not here yet.”
Yet. So he was coming after all.
However, seconds turned into minutes and minutes turned into hours and you’d settled into the night, talking, laughing and drinking with friends who’s company you enjoyed so much had successfully distracted you.
But then you heard his voice. Followed by his laugh. And your heart started to beat so loud and hard you could feel it your ear drums. You were sitting in a way where you couldn’t directly see him, in order to do so you would have had to turn around. But you already felt like you might pass out, so instead you got up quickly, mumbling a swift, “I need air,” to the person you were making a dash from.
You knew there was a balcony you could have a moment’s peace on. You remembered because the last time you were here, it was actually Corpse who needed a moment’s peace from that party, and so he had brought you out here. But now, it was you stood alone, trying to catch your breath as you contemplated ways you could make an escape from the party without running into him. You went to grab your phone from your pocket to see how long an Uber would take only to realise it wasn’t in your pocket.
“Looking for this?”
Instantly, your head snapped up. And there he was, holding your phone up in his hand. Your breath was stolen from your lungs and your eyes danced over him quickly. Even though just a mere few seconds ago, you were imagining ways to flee to avoid this exact moment, now you couldn’t deny the part of you that was so happy it was happening.
“Yeah.” You managed to find your voice again and answer his question regarding your phone. You tried to fight off the smile that was growing but you couldn’t. You had just missed him so much and it was so good to see him again. Then he started to walk towards you and at first it made you step back, to which he hesitated.
“Sorry-” You both apologised at the same time. “It’s okay.” Once again, you spoke in unison, to which you both laughed.
“Here.” Corpse closed the rest of the remaining space in order to hand you your phone.
“Thanks.” Your fingers brushed his as you grabbed the device from him and if you were both robots you were positive that visible electric sparks would’ve shot off from the contact.
“You look different.” Corpse commented and you brought your eyes back up to his.
“It’s been a while.”
“Yeah.” It was silent for a few seconds. “You look good.” He complimented you and you couldn’t help but to laugh and shake your head slightly. “What?” He questioned your response.
“Well,” You shrugged one shoulder and tucked your hair behind your ear on one side of your head, Corpse noticed. “I was having one of those days where I just super stress about what I look like, you know?” You were honest with him, it was something the two of you really understood in each other.
“I know.” He confirmed. “I promise you do you look good, though.” He complimented you again.
“Thanks, Corpse.” You turned your head to the side and brought your bottom lip between your teeth as you could feel a blush growing in your cheeks.
“Still doing that?” He questioned and that made you look back to him with a questioning look. “Your lip, you know you’ll make it all swollen and sore doing that.”
“Oh,” You released it and your lip fell back into its place. And you noticed Corpse looking a little longer at your mouth than what was probably considered appropriate for someone who was an ex lover.
He noticed his lingering stare not long after you and quickly his eyes snapped back to yours before looking away from you completely. The air grew thick with tension between you both.
You cleared your throat before deciding to be the one to break the silence. “Maybe we should go back inside.”
“I only came here to see you.” He blurted out so fast you almost missed it.
“What?”
He knew you had heard him, you were just saying what out of shock. “I just, I really missed you.”
Butterflies you hadn’t felt in so long appeared within you.
“(Y/N)?” Corpse spoke again, you hadn’t realised you had gone quiet with surprise.
“Sorry, you caught me off guard.”
“I did spring it on you.”“
“Yeah.”
“Is it okay that I said that?”
“I don’t know.” You answered him honestly, it felt so good to hear. But god had he hurt you those eleven months ago. You knew you had missed him too, but you weren’t ready to announce that yet. Your guard was still up and he could tell.
“I meant it.” He attempted at reassuring you.
“I just don’t know what to say.”
“Do you want me to leave you alone?”
“No.” You answered maybe a little too quickly. But Corpse was happy with that response. “There’s too much going on here for me to have this conversation.”
“We could go somewhere?” Truth being told, he wanted to suggest this from the second he saw you, but he didn’t want to overstep.
“Yeah, my hotel’s close.”
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