cry-little-g1rl

[cry-little-g1rl]

I went and took eyelash extensions. When I last took them in autumn, I think they looked really pretty. Well this time not, and I don’t know if it’s the lashes or the fact that I look disgusting most of the time and hate myself and hate myself and hate myself. I’m far away from ed behaviours but things have been tough lately and everytime I end up hating myself because that’s what feels comfortable to me.

#anamia #tw ed rant #tw ed thoughts

[cry-little-g1rl]

Idek what I am anymore. Like I eat normally, because I know that life is shit when I’m hungry all the time. And I want to do well in school and I can’t focus if I’m hungry, but the thoughts are definitely there… I just eat because I want to get to college as soon as possible. But the voice points out everything. And I miss the sadness, the feeling of being broken because it feels comforting. Well, I am still broken tho because I think like that🤠

I quit cigarettes, because I want to be able to run and enjoy sports like I used to. But the voice. The fucking. Voice. ”If you workout, you could lose some weight yk.” I workout for my health and I eat right, but the voice still haunts me everytime. So am I just fooling myself? How can I fucking quit this toxic circle.

I still think when I want to buy new clothes that I can buy them when I’m a little bit skinnier, then they’ll look good. But that’s bs, I know it. Everyone is gorgeous on their own way and all humans are beautiful and diverse, so why can’t I accept myself?

I think that it’s comforting to swim in your own sorrow. That’s why my brain won’t let me heal, even tough I want to. So bad.

I still hate myself. I don’t admire anything in myself.

#anamia #thinps0 #ed talk #thinspo #eating disoder things #ana diary

[cry-little-g1rl]

So excited on monday I’m going to start going to the gym again! I’m hoping that it will give me some new motivation

#thinspri #anamia #thinps0 #ed talk #thinsppi #thinspo

[cry-little-g1rl]

So christmas season is on

My absolute skinniest friends were like "let's see how much I gain this christmas" and that made me kinda mad idek why. Like look at me.

Also being hyper-aware of my stomach rolls today. I just want them gone.

#thinsppi #thinps0 #ed talk #anamia #thinspri #eating disoder things #thinspo #thinspration

[cry-little-g1rl]

This.

anyone else go through periods of like... normalness and then suddenly things get dramatically worse for a few weeks and then go back to normal-ish? it makes me feel rlly invalidated and like im faking this whole thing smh

#disordered eating #i do not support eds #ed struggles #weightloss #tw #ed vent #thinspration #thinspri #anamia #thinps0

[cry-little-g1rl]

I had over a week of quite normal eating but fuck it, didn’t feel comfortable😃

#thinspration #thinspri #anamia #thinps0 #thinspi #ed talk #not pr0 ana #skip dinner get thinner #thinspo #thinsppi

[cry-little-g1rl]

I just tried to learn a dance my friends do when we party but I looked fucking stupid because my fat stomach and thighs and fucking everything. I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself. But I did this to myself, I’m denying all the good things in life from myself because I look like this and it’s my fault only.

#thinspration #thinspri #anamia #thinps0 #thinspi #ed talk #not pr0 ana #skip dinner get thinner #thinspo #thinsppi

[cry-little-g1rl]

TW

When I want to eat something heavy in calories (ice cream, chocolate, chips etc. disgusting things) I imagine myself looking at me eating from another person’s view. I can see how disgusting it looks and boom, appetite’s gone:) I imagine my fat face stuffing the food and my chubby fingers grabbing it while my stomach is rolling through a tight shirt or how a hoodie makes me look like a whale.

#thinspration #thinspri #anamia #thinps0 #thinspi #ed talk #thinsppi #thinspo

[cry-little-g1rl]

Dude I h*cking hate when you are minding your business eating some bomb ass food and the overwhelming feeling of guilt punches you in the fucking face and now you can’t eat anymore

I just want to enjoy my mac n cheese :(

[cry-little-g1rl]

Talking about the continuous war inside my head

I’m so fucking messed up. I want to recover, but at the same time it’s getting harder and harder to eat. I feel like shit if I do, but everytime I’m like ”okay it’s just food. Just food and you need it. You don’t want this to take over your life.” But I feel like it does already.. And the fact that I still eat and obviously don’t lose weight as fast is upsetting as fuck because I have this mindset but I WANT TO BE FUCKING NORMAL. But at the same time I just hate myself so much. It’s a continuous loop. Every fucking bite carries the same thought: ”What about the number on the scale tomorrow?” And then I respond: ”But I want to eat. I want to be normal. Shut the fuck up.” But it has its hands around me.

And the fact that I feel like I don’t deserve professional help because my bmi is technically overweight. So everything is fucking ”normal” except my mind. I’ve been thinking about getting help, but I’m 100% sure that I don’t get the help I need (normalizing food in my mind, getting nutritional advice etc.) And I feel like if I recover I will gain more or don’t lose anything and I’m just going to stay like this and I fucking hate what I see in the mirror to the point where I’m hysterically crying in my bed.

I just wanna starve myself so much that people notice but I want to fight it because I don’t want to fall into that rabbit hole, but everytime I fight the voice in my head gets angry at me and it’s fucking exhausting.

[edit: This feels embarassing because looking at my stats it seems like I’m not even that serious about losing weight but I’ve had ed like 1,5 years now and I relapsed a while ago]

#thinspo #ed talk #tw ed thoughts #tw ed content #tw ed rant

[cry-little-g1rl]

Reblog if you started worrying about your weight before you were fourteen.

I was 9

[cry-little-g1rl]

Binge eating disorder is just as valid as anorexia or bulimia.

Thank you for this post. ♡

[cry-little-g1rl]

18.10

100g cucumber - 10

I usually can’t be THIS restrictive but this day was fucking shitty so didn’t really have an appetite.

#thinspration #thinspri #anamia #thinps0 #thinspi #thinspo #ed talk #tw ed content

[cry-little-g1rl]

why does it take so long to get skinny it’s boring and when i’m bored i eat 😐

[cry-little-g1rl]

When I say “I hate my body” I don’t mean “oh I’m a little insecure about my belly” or “I could lose a few pounds” I mean I have physically repulsed by it. It’s horrifying and upsetting to see. I wanna crawl out of my skin.

[cry-little-g1rl]

I took a little break from tumblr over the weekend, I went to my sisters with my family (there was a small gathering) and there was a lot. Of. Food. I gained. But I’m too embarassed to say how much. But god I have never hated myself so much.

We have this formal school prom coming in three weeks and I went to try on my dress to the sewer (it was there to be enlarged because I’m a fat fuck) and it still didn’t fit right. I look fucking horrible. And the lady just told me ”well as you can see the dress is originally too small for you” (i bought it from my friend) and I have been having a mental breakdown.

But fuck that was so triggering. I have to lose weight before the prom. If i want to go -8kg down in three weeks i’ll have to eat max. 100 kcals/day. And I will fucking do it. I have been a failure for my whole life and now I had to ruin my prom from myself. I will not fail this time. I will do ANYTHING.

#thinspration #thinspri #anamia #thinps0 #thinspi #thinsppi #thinspo #ed talk

[cry-little-g1rl]

Me: I can't have an idea I don't even count my calories.

Also me: refusing to eat food more then once and a half a day, Iced coffee and mia + weight loss