forgetful-nerd

forgetful-nerd

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forgetful-nerd·a day agoText

College! Foggy: [whispering into the phone] Mom, my roommate’s blind, how am I suppose to communicate with him? Like obviously there’s Braille but is there some clicking I can do with my tongue to stimulate Braille verbally?

College! Matt: [trying and failing not to laugh hysterically] H-hello I’m Matt Murdock

College!Foggy: [whispering into the phone] Nevermind, I can just talk to him.

122 notes · See All
forgetful-nerd·2 days agoText

Kaito: you want to know how I hurt my wrist?

Kokichi: yes

Kaito: I was hula hooping. Maki roll and I attended a class both for fitness and for fun.

Kokichi: oh my god

Kaito: I mastered all the moves. The pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie doodle.

Kokichi: why are you telling me this?

Kaito: because no one will ever believe you.

Kokichi: You sick son of a bitch

54 notes · See All
forgetful-nerd·3 days agoText

Jefferson Davis: [using a megaphone] all spidery-people need to come out with there hands up!

Gwen: oh my god, the police are here.

Miles: oh shit that’s my dad.

Peter: relax guys, as long as we’re calm and quite we can sneak out-

Peter Porker: [screaming in a giant mega phone] FUCK THE POLICE!

Peter:

Gwen:

Miles:

Penny:

Spider-noir: [smashing a 40 on the ground] SCATTER!

359 notes · See All
forgetful-nerd·4 days agoText

Tony: [cuts finger] ow!

Doctor Strange: [bursting out of a portal] OUT OF MY WAY I’M A DOCTOR!

Peter: it’s just a cut Mr. Strange-

Doctor Strange: THIS MAN NEEDS MOUTH TO MOUTH

Tony: SHHHHHHHH! Peter he’s a doctor he knows what he’s doing

216 notes · See All
forgetful-nerd·5 days agoText

Tony: [cracks open a window]

Peter: [slams window shut] What are you DOING?!? You need to stay inside!

Tony: I just wanted some air-

Peter: you’re old and there’s a virus!

Tony: I’m not that old-

Peter: how old are you?

Tony: I’m 53

Peter: THATS PRACTICALLY 100 TONY!

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forgetful-nerd·7 days agoText

[text messages in the Avengers group chat]

Peter: whoever ate the chocolate cake Harley and I made, I hope you have a shitty day.

Harley: LOL, shitty day you crack me up Peter

Harley: We put laxatives in the cake.

Peter: OMG, NO WE DIDN’T! NO WE DIDN’T! You’re all AVENGERS please stop fighting over the bathroom!

[10 people are typing]

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forgetful-nerd·7 days agoText

Criminal: oh Spider-Man, are you gonna go cry to your mommy?

Spider-Man: My mom’s dead.

Criminal: uh- or daddy-

Spider-Man: also dead.

Criminal: FORGET IT! I-I’m gonna pave this sidewalk with your blood!

Spider-Man: damn, that’s just like my Uncle! He was shot and killed on the sidewalk. I held him in my arms as he died.

Criminal: Kid… Jesus, you’re gonna make my heart give out.

Spider-Man: I’ve actually heard a heart give out before when Mr. Stark died in front of me-

Criminal: *sobbing* GOD DAMN IT! KID

962 notes · See All
forgetful-nerd·7 days agoText

Harley: [accidently gives Morgan a paper cut] oh sweet summer child! Do you need the first aid kit? Stitches? A cast? How can I ever make it up to you?

Harley: [Accidently shoots Peter] Get up loser, you’re fine. Stop getting blood on the carpet. We’ll just chalk this up to a whoopsie-daisy.

219 notes · See All
forgetful-nerd·10 days agoText

Peter B. Parker: ok Miles you want to know how to be a hero right?

Miles: YES!

Peter B. Parker: ok! Then there are two points you need to know:

Peter B. Parker: A, don’t act like me

Peter B. Parker: Two, don’t follow my advice

Miles:

Peter B. Parker:

Miles:

Peter B. Parker: oh and D, use baby powder to avoid chafing.

Miles: I’m gonna just ask Gwen for help instead-

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forgetful-nerd·11 days agoText

News reporter: we are heading to you live to Stark tower where it appears that Stark tower has caught on fire, yet again.

News Reporter: here are some of the avengers now, do you have anything to declare?

Bucky: YES! LOCAL DUMBASS OWNER OF A BILLION DOLLAR COMPANY SET HIS OWN BUILDING ON FIRE BECAUSE HE MICROWAVED A SPOON ‘FOR SCIENCE’

Tony: It wasn’t ‘for science’ I wasn’t testing anything! I already know what happens when metal is in a microwave! Give me some credit.

Steve: he’s right Bucky, he didn’t do it ‘for science.’ He did it because he was dared to by TWO TEENAGE BOYS!

Peter: We didn’t think he’d actually DO it!

Harley: Man, it was so f*cking worth it to see those sparks!

Steve: the scientific minds of the future ladies and gentlemen

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