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howellous · 3 years

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Nights in Paris - drabble

Disclaimer: suicidal. Sadness.

"It's wonderful here", she said looking at me. (Your name)'s long hair was blowing in the cool breeze of this wonderful night here in Paris. "I'm glad to be here with you" I wrapped an arm around her waist. She looked up the Eiffel tower, the lights of it letting her eyes sparkle more than ever. "Thank you, James" Her arms flung around my body, hugging me tight. "You know you didn't have to arrange all of this... I mean-", she begun but I immediately interrupted her knowing what she'd say again. "But I wanted to", I smiled down at her. "I wanted all of this. I want to spend one week with my beautiful girlfriend here in beautiful Paris... the city of love" "Aw", she said planting a soft kiss on my lips. "I love you, James, do you know that?" I shrugged. "I guess now I do know" I winked at her stealing another kiss from her. After staring at the glowing Eiffel tower, we continued walking around Paris. Walking past some small cafés and musicians until we reached the river, la Seine. The cars got less, there are not as many street lamps as there were before. She went ahead of me, smiling and laughing at what I just said. She turned around at a street lamp, like it was some pole and I had to laugh. She was just simply amazing. It was just one of the things I loved about her. She'd always smile and laugh, what makes me happy. Nor did we have to talk about anything in particular, we'd never get bored of each other. I guessed I could say I was the happiest man alive to have someone like her in my life. I couldn't imagine a life without her anymore. I knew she was the love of my life, my one and only. "Look there are ducks!" She ran towards the railing looking down at the water. I smiled to myself, walking up to her and wrapping my arms around her from behind. "You're slow", she sighed. "They're gone now" She turned around in my arms. "I know an even better place", I whispered to her, taking her hand in mine and leading her to the bridge, that was barely lightened by street lamps. The moon reflected in the water, it shined bright just like the many stars on the sky. "It's beautiful...", she mumbled taking in the view in front of her. "I know...", I said and kissed her cheek slightly touching the corner of her lip. - "Lets go back to our hotel..." Her response caught me off guard. Actually I didn't expect her to say something like that. I wanted to enjoy this clear night with her and not sit around in our suite. "Sure" I looked at her but she didn't look at me. She just kept my hand in hers, walking with me back to our hotel.

The next day she was so... distant. I don't know why, she just was. I woke up in the afternoon. I turned around in bed to see the spot next to me was cold and empty. "(Your name)?", I asked aloud. No answer. That was the first time she was not next to me after waking up. She enjoyed every moment she had with me... But this moment was weird. I sat up and saw a note lying on the bedside table. I grabbed it and started reading. "Dear James, I'm... I'm sorry. Sorry for... Everything. Last night was.... amazing. I would have never wanted to spend it in another way" I smiled to myself. It was one of the best nights ever. I continued, "But that's also when I realised I can't anymore. I... You know what I've been through in my past. All the things that had happened. I never got over them. All those thoughts are still in my head. I can't get rid of them, no matter how hard I try. Sometimes they just...they come back. I might seemed to be happy most of the time, but deep inside me I am still broken. Even though you made me forget about it, it was still there... I'm sorry I-" This sounded like she's saying good bye. A lump in my throat built up as I continued reading. The writing got worse the more I read. Her beautiful handwriting some quick lines and here and there were some dried tears. "I'm sorry I can't put up will all of this anymore. There are also some small things I've never told you, and to be honest, I don't think I can ever tell them to anyone. I know I can trust you... But I just can't. You showed me what happiness really means. You showed me different, great sides of the world, full of love. And I'm grateful for that, James" A tear escaped my eye, my heart breaking into pieces. I knew she had a hard time before we met, but I'd always been there for her whenever she needed me... "Forever grateful. I love you. I love you with all of my heart. But that won't stop me from doing it." "Doing what?!", I asked myself. "Remember the hate that I've got because I'm with you?... Those comments never stopped. I know I should not take them serious, but at some point, they really got me." She had told me those comment had stopped... I guess that was a lie. "I'm not good enough for you, I know that. You know I'm the jealous type. I know it annoys you sometimes... I... I'm not sure what to do anymore." By then tears were already rolling down my cheeks. "Sorry for being so distant this day... But I couldn't look you in the eye anymore. Not because you did something wrong.. But... Because... I'm sorry, James. I'm sorry... By the time you read this, I'm already gone. You don't have to look for me anymore. There's no need to for where I'll be. I love you. Don't forget that. I'll be watching you. Stay strong for me, okay? I-" There was a knock at the door. I got up wiping my tears away and opened it. A police officer stood there with a small note pad in his hand. "Mr. Maslow?", he asked in a low voice. I nodded. "Yeah?" He took off his hat. "I'm sorry to tell you this... But.... We found (your name, your last name)'s dead body in the river. She-" "Are you sure it's her?!", I asked with wide eyes. This can't be true. This... This must be a big mistake. "She had a letter and a pass with her. It is her...", he looked down. "I'm sorry..." - "Okay... Is that it?" He nodded. "Thanks for telling... Bye" I shut the door, not caring if the man still stood there, and let myself sink onto the floor against the door. (Your name) is gone. My (your name). What did I just do wrong... I gave her everything I could give her.... My heart. Tears started to leave uncontrollably my eyes, rolling down my cheeks. My (your name) is gone... Now her letter made sense... She'd be watching me... From heaven. "Sorry (your name), but I doubt I can stay strong..." I look at the phone display. It's still connecting... "Hello?", Kendall asks. "Hey...", I reply. My voice cracks. I look at the bright moon. Today the moon is smaller than it was a few days ago. "What's up man? Wait, isn't it like 3am in Paris?", he wants to know. - "Yeah..." "What happened?!" He senses something is wrong. "Man, I wont be coming back" I look at the water. "Does that mean you want to stay in Paris with (your name) or what?", Kendall asks jokingly. - "Sort of..." "Dude, you cant. We need you here, the band needs you here, we-", he begins but is interrupted by me. "(Your name) won't come back, give it up" I sigh wiping my tears away. "She'll never come back... Not in this life" "James, what are you talking about?!" He sounds mad. "She killed herself", I choke out. Silence on the other end of the phone. "I know..." I step closer to the railing, gripping on it. "W-why?", he managed to say. "She... You... She... Why?" "It doesn't matter anymore...", I reply. "she's gone..." "Are you okay?", he asks quiet. "Do you think I'm okay?!", I almost yell out. "I'm not...", I say in a whisper and gripping the railing tighter. "Sorry...", he says. The clock strikes 3am. "You're outside?", he asks. "what are you doing out there?" I remain silent. - "Dude, I'm worried about you!" I dont say anything. - "I'm seriously worrying right here!" "You dont have to", I say. "It'll be fine. Everything will be fine... Soon" My voice cracks. - "Don't do anything stupid you'll-" But then I hung up. I look at the river. It seems so calm, so beautiful. It's like when I was here with (your name), enjoying the moment... And then having an amazing night. I sigh and put my cell phone on the ground. I climb over the railing, standing there and staring out at the river, staring at the sky, the small stars out there. Somewhere up there (your name) is watching me. "Sorry", I whisper and take the letter she left out of my jacket and then I grab the small diamond ring I bought her a few days ago. It was a surprise to her; my promise to never leave her side. "I can't be strong enough...", I whisper as I kiss the items and press them against my chest. "I can't be strong enough without you" I step away from the railing. "I can't wait to see you again. I love you, (your name)" And then I jump.

#backtowriting #myStories

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howellous · 4 years

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the team of my life

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howellous · 4 years

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Eyes open - drabble

Warning: sad, suicide. Don’t like, don’t read.

People: “he” is not a specific person. Therefore could be anyone you like.

I remember it like it was yesterday. ~ I had just broken up with my boyfriend, called my best friend to tell him he was right when he had told me my boyfriend was cheating on me. “I am coming over”, he said and hung up before I could protest. Not much later, the doorbell rang. I got up from my couch holding my tissue and opened the front door. “Hey…”, he said calmly, taking me immediately in his arms. His warm embrace made me feel slightly better right away, made me remember that someone actually cared about me. He guided me back to the living room after closing the front door and we sat down on the couch. “You were right…”, I said between sobs, tears still running down my face. “I should have believed you…” “It’s okay”, he said rubbing my back. “Why didn’t I believe you?” He pulled me closer to his chest, but I pulled back, looking at him with my tears stained face. “I’m just soaking your shirt” “It’s okay. It’s just my shirt”, he said. “Your favorite shirt…”, I added slightly smiling. “Who cares”, he whispered. “But you know what?”, I began and continued when I saw he was waiting on me to finish my sentence, “Knowing he cheated on me doesn’t hurt as much as it hurts knowing I didn’t believe you for one second. And my upset reaction when you told me… I’m so sorry” “Ssh…”, he pulled me closer to him once again, rubbing my back. I couldn’t describe the feeling. It was just good to know there was someone who cared about me. I knew my relationship with my ex was not the best anymore. I knew our feelings for each other had changed, but I was so naïve thinking it would turn back to normal again. But I was wrong. “Hey, look at me”, he said making me look at him. His brown eyes glistening. “It is okay. It will be okay. He’s an asshole, okay?” I had to smile slightly. “Just keep your eyes open. There is somewhere out there just waiting for you. You’re an amazing, beautiful girl and –“ I interrupt him by saying his name. “Hm?” “…nothing”, I answered. My brain probably shut off or something, but I started to lean in until our lips touched. His chapped, yet so soft lips, were against mine. Just when I noticed what I just did, I immediately pulled back. “Sorry, I –“ “Ssh, don’t speak”, he whispered as he rested his hand behind my neck, leaning in to connect our lips once again. ~ I smile at the memory. I am still wondering why I kissed him that evening. ~ “Where are we going?”, I asked for like the 100th time. “You will see! And don’t take off the blindfold!”, he said and continued leading me. The cool evening air was so refreshing, the breeze blowing through my hair. I silently laughed to myself as I heard him stumble over something again. “This is not funny”, he said in a stern voice, but I knew he was smiling anyways. The ground was changing from hard to something softer, grass. “Just a few… more meters…”, he said quietly, almost inaudible. He stopped walking and so did I. He slowly removed the blindfold, but I kept my eyes closed. “Okay, you can open your eyes now” His voice was ever so soft. I slowly opened my eyes, taking in the scenery in front of me. There was a small table set up, two candles lit on it. The trees were decorated with small lamps, giving the place a romantic atmosphere. “What do you think?”, he whispered, resting his hand around my waist. - “Beautiful…” “I tried to be romantic but –“, he began but I interrupted him. “No, it is perfect”, I said hugging him. “I didn’t finish, (your name)”, he said leading me to one of the chair and gesturing me to sit down. I looked confused. “Well, I actually planned this in a different way, but” He fiddled in his back pocket. “Remember when I told you to keep your eyes open and you kissed me? I hope what I am doing now is as surprising as it was for me back then. You know how much you mean to me, but, you mean so much more to me. I cannot even put it into words. I love you, (your name). And what I wanted to ask you… do you want to marry me?” I gulped. I was not expecting this. He showed me the small ring he was holding in his hand. It was beautiful. A tear escaped my eye as I slowly nodded. “Yes…” I stood up. “I don’t even know what to say…” “You don’t have to say anything”, he said as he slipped the ring onto my finger and leaned down to kiss me. ~ Today is the special day. The special day of our wedding. But right now, I am driving to the coastline. I park the car and get out of it. Today is such a cloudy day, it is smelling like it is about to start raining any moment. It is the opposite of what I would have expected this day to be. I walk towards the bench that is situated at the end of a cliff. I have always liked coming here when I needed some time alone. This place is somewhat magical. I sit down and take a deep breath. This is such a cruel world I stepped into. Every lesson forming a new scar. But this time, it will not be healed, I guess. It is just one week ago when his best friend called me, saying my fiancé was in an accident and died. Only one week ago. Today we were supposed to get married, speak our vows, and spend the rest of our lives together, but life had other plans. I gotta keep my eyes open, I think. He used to say this a lot and I guess I will never be able to forget that sentence. “Are you okay?” “It will be okay” “time will heal all wounds” everybody said. It is like they are all waiting for me to breakdown. A real breakdown. Like they are all watching to see the fallout. Nobody of them has left my side until today. And I am glad I am alone right now. Nobody asking me those annoying questions. The lump in my throat is coming up once again. It is almost an oh-so familiar feeling. Tears start to run down my cheeks, my breathing getting faster and uncontrollable. I look at the ocean. The steady waves somewhat calming me down. But they won’t help me. They won’t bring him back to life. To me. To my side. Nothing will. I get up and walk closer to the edge of the cliff. I look down. The calm waves turning into this aggressive force hitting all rocks down there. One jump and it would all be over. All the pain, gone. All the worries, gone. All those emotions, gone. Gone, forever. Maybe I will see him again up there, in heaven. Who knows. But would I even be strong enough to make the decision of jumping? I wipe my tears away. It seems so easy, yet so hard. I slightly step closer. Small pebbles falling down, disappearing in those forceful waves. And before I know it, I take a deep breath and jump. It was a nice life, filled with happiness such as sadness. I remember when I learned how to ride a bike. How I met my best friend. How I hugged my mother before going to school. How I got my first bad grade. How I cried for the first time over a boy. How proud I was when I graduated. How I met him. The cool air letting my hair blow until the water is just a few meters away from me. I feel a sharp pain hitting my head, my chest, my whole body. The waves crash me against the rocks. How am I still alive?, I ask myself as I slowly close my eyes. I taste the salty water, mixed with some metallic taste, blood. “Keep your eyes open”, I hear a voice saying. His voice. Another wave crashed against me. I am barely able to feel my body anymore. With all my strength I open my eyes hoping I see him. And I do see him. He is surrounded by white and yellow light. He is smiling, his heart-melting smile I miss so much. “Keep your eyes open” He is waving. I guess this was it. My time is about to come. The white light is getting brighter and brighter, bigger and bigger. I mumble his name, swallowing more of the salty water, barely being able to breathe anymore. We will be together, I mumble. “Keep your eyes open” But then, I close my eyes. Forever.

#backtowriting #mystories

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howellous · 4 years

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i’m howl when he said “theres no point in living unless i’m beautiful” then called upon the dark spirits bc he didn’t like his hair color

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howellous · 4 years

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The letter - drabble

Warning: Sadness

People: You and James, from (former) Big Time Rush.

Slowly walking down the path. Already feeling the lump in the throat that was there this morning already. Holding the folded piece of paper in the left hand and the red rose in the other, I look up at the sky. The warm breeze was surprising for this time of the year and month. So far it’s always been cold… except today.

*** I still remember the day that changed everything. “Morning”, he smiled at me, his warming smile on his face like every morning. I slowly opened my eyes. “…morning…”, I mumbled closing my eyes again, wanting to enjoy the calm morning. “Come on, wake up” He slightly poked my cheek and I opened my eyes again, a smile crossing my face. “What?”, I asked quietly. “I love you”, he whispered, love and passion in his hazel eyes. “I love you too… You know that” I gave him a soft kiss and just as I wanted to pull back, he hovered me on top of him, our bodies pressed against each other. “Hey…”, I giggled knowing he wouldn’t let go of me. “Hi”, he chuckles. I rolled my eyes and gave him another peck on his lips. “Come on, let’s get up” He shook his head no. “Well, you’re the one who woke me up”, I smiled. “I know”, he pecked my lips. “Do you want to marry me?” I froze, then blinked a few times. Did he really just ask me that? “We have been together since two years… I’m more than sure you’re the one for me”, he pecked my lips again. “I love you more than you can imagine. I love you from here till the moon and back and much more. Every day I’m with you is special. Every day I love you more if that’s even possible. I love you. I-“ “Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you.”

***

Holding the paper tighter, walking closer to the destination. Thoughts and memories flooding my mind. More by every second.

***

“You may now kiss the bride”, the priest said. He put the veil out of my face and slowly leaned in till his lips touched mine, sharing a beautiful first kiss as wife and husband. As we pulled back, a smile was on our faces and it was there till the night. He carried me in bridal style to the house we were staying at that night. It was a beautiful beach house; it had a breathtaking view over the ocean. I still had my arms wrapped around his neck as he put me down onto the king sized bed that was covered with rose petals and surrounded by candles. “I’m the happiest man on earth”, he whispered into my ear, his warm breath sending chills down my spine. “You can’t imagine how much I love you…” He kisses down my neck as he hovered himself over me. “Yes, I can”, I giggled closing my eyes and enjoying the moment. He remained silent. “But still, I love you more”, I whispered. “Shut up” He brought his lips to mind, sharing a passionate kiss. “Make... love… to… me”, I managed to say between kisses, his lips never leaving mine.

***

“It should have never ended this way” Slowly turning in the corner, walking down the long path. Tears welling up in my eyes.

***

“Hey babe”, he said to me on the phone. He was on tour, once again. He was with his band, Big Time Rush. I was glad he had a job he loved, but being miles apart and a time difference of an hour or even up to 9 hours between us, made things difficult. “Hey James…”, I replied yawning. “Did I wake you up?”, he asked concerned. I sat up in the bed. “Kind of. I was taking a nap. I’m so tired…” - “Sorry… I just wanted to hear your voice…” “No, it’s okay…”, my voice broke. “It’ll be alright”…”, he said in a soft tone, knowing what’s wrong. “No…”, I whispered. “It was one miscarriage. But what if… what if I were pregnant again and it’d be another one? What if I cannot give birth to any children? What if-“ I wiped my tears away that found their way down my cheeks. “Ssh…” He sighed. “It’ll be okay. You hear me? We can keep trying…” “Mhm…”, I answered. “I gotta hang up…”, he said quietly. I could clearly hear his voice was kind of breaking too. - “Okay… I love you, James” “I love you too”, he said. “I’ll be back in a week. Time will pass faster than you know!” “Yeah…” Then he hung up.

***

Birds are flying around and chirping. Some leaves falling from the trees and blowing in the breeze.

***

“I’ll be back in half an hour!” He smiled at me grabbing the car keys. “When you’ll be back, dinner is ready!”, I said. He came up to me, hugged and gave me a kiss. - “I love you.” “I love you too” I looked him in the eyes. They were sparkling like always. His eyes filled with love and passion, like always, but especially like when he asked me to marry him. Then he walked towards the front door, closed the door behind him. I heard him starting the engine, driving out of the driveway. Then I heard it, something I never wanted to hear… a crash.

***

I reach my destination. I look down on the gravestone, his name engraved in it in a gold color. His date of birth and date of death standing on it. I swallow hard, trying to get rid of the lump in my throat but… it does not work. “Sorry… it’s been a while”, I say staring at the gravestone. “I just… I just couldn’t…” Tears make their way down my cheeks. “Couldn’t visit you… it…” I try to wipe them away with my sleeve, but they start rolling down uncontrollably. “It just hurts knowing you’re not here with me anymore. It’s… just… hard for me…” I kneel down in front of the gravestone but end up sitting on the ground. I just cannot hold myself up anymore. I pull my knees up to my upper body and stare at the gravestone. “I wrote something for you…” I put down the rose right next to me and hold the folded piece of paper in front of me. “I wrote a letter for you…” I wipe another tear away. “I am sure you’ll read it… Well, I hope so…” I start to dig a hole in the ground, then I take the paper again, kiss it and give it into the hole before covering it with earth. Then I take the rose. “And this one here… is for you too…” I stare at it. “I can’t let go…” I turn it in my hand. “I miss you…” I kiss the rose. “Here” I put it down right in front of the gravestone, next to the buried letter. I wipe my tears away and get up. “I promise I’ll visit you more often… I definitely will…” I take shallow breaths; I can barely breathe properly anymore. “I love you…” I turn around, a single tear falling onto the ground, and walk back. *** ̶∂̶̶є̶̶α̶̶r̶ нєу נαмєѕ ι кησω ι нανєη’t νιѕιтed уσυ ƒσr α ωнιℓє, σr вєттєr… ѕιηcє уσυ gσт нєrє. ιт’ѕ נυѕт, уσυ кησω, σr уσυ ρrσbαbℓу єνєη ѕєє мє ƒrσм нєανєη, уσυ кησω, ιt’ѕ α нαrd αηd тσυgн тιмє. ̶ι̶̶ ̶̶∂̶̶σ̶̶η̶̶'̶̶т̶̶ ̶̶к̶̶η̶̶σ̶̶ω̶̶ ̶̶ι̶ ι мιѕѕ уσυ. ι мιѕѕ уσυ ѕσ мυcн. ωнєη ι cσмє нσмє, уσυ’rє ησт тнєre αηумσrє. ωнєη ι ƒαℓℓ αѕℓєєρ, уσυr αrмѕ αrєη’t ωrαρρє∂ αrσυη∂ мє αηумσяє. ωнєη ι ωαкє υρ, ι ∂ση’t ѕєє уσυr єуєѕ ѕтαrιηg αт мє αηумσrє. ι נυѕт мιѕѕ уσυ, уσυ кησω. ѕρєη∂ιηg α cσℓ∂ ∂αу ιηѕι∂є, cυ∂∂ℓιηg ση tнє cσυcн. ι кησω тнιηgѕ gσт ∂ιƒƒιcυℓт ωιтн уσυ вєιηg ση тσυr, σr уσυ rєcσя∂ιηg, вυт ιт ωαѕ σкαу. ι ωαѕ αℓωαуѕ нαρρу, вєcαυѕє ι кηєω, уσυ’∂ rєтυrη αт ѕσмє ρσιηт. ι σƒтєη rємємвєr тнє ƒιrѕт ∂αу ωє мєт, ωнєη уσυ вυмρє∂ ιηтσ мє αη∂ ѕριℓℓє∂ уσυr αη∂ му ∂rιηк αℓℓ σνєr му ηєω ѕнιrт. ι rємємвєr нσω уσυ ιηѕιѕтє∂ тσ мαкє υρ ƒσr ιт. ι σƒтєη rємємвєr συr ƒιяѕт ∂αтє тσσ, αη∂ ωнєη уσυ αѕкє∂ мє συт. нσω ωє ωєηт αℓσηg тнє вєαcн αт тнє єη∂ σƒ тнє ∂αу αη∂ αℓℓ σƒ α ѕυ∂∂єη уσυ кιѕѕє∂ мє αη∂ уσυ тнσυgнт ι ∂ι∂η’т ℓιкє уσυ тнαт ωαу, вєcαυѕє ι ∂ι∂η’т ѕαу αηутнιηg αƒтєr ιт. вυт ι ℓιкє∂ уσυ ѕιηcє ∂αу σηє, αη∂ ƒєℓℓ ωιтн тнє тιмє ƒσr уσυ. ι ƒєℓℓ нαr∂. σя уσυr rєαcтιση αƒтєr ι тσℓ∂ уσυ αƒтєr мιηυтєѕ σƒ ѕιℓєηcє ι ℓιкє уσυ тнαт ωαу тσσ. ιт ωαѕ αη αмαzιηg мσмєηт. ι ωιѕн ι cσυℓ∂ rєℓινє ιт. ι ωιѕн ι cσυℓ∂ rєℓινє єνєrу мσмєηт ωιтн уσυ. єνєrутнιηg ιѕ ℓιкє ιт נυѕт ωαѕ уєѕтєr∂αу, уσυ кησω… вυт ωнєη ι нєαr∂ тнє cαr crαѕн… ιт ωαѕ тнє ωσrѕт мσмєηт ιη му ℓιƒє. нєαrιηg ιη тнє нσѕριтαℓ уσυ ∂ι∂η’т мαкє ιт, ιт вrσкє му нєαrт, ιт вrσкє мє. ι мιѕѕ уσυ. ι ωιѕн уσυ cσυℓ∂ cσмє вαcк. ωну уσυ. уσυ ∂ση’т ∂єѕєrνє тнιѕ. уσυ נυѕт ∂ση’т. вυт ι gσт ηєωѕ… ι’м ρrєgηαηт. вυт уσυ кησω ωнαт тнє ωσrѕт ιѕ؟ уσυ cαη’т вє ραrт σƒ ιтѕ ℓιƒє ωнєη ιт’ѕ вσяη. ιт’ℓℓ ηєνєr мєєт уσυ. ιт’ℓℓ ηєνєr єχρєяιєηcє σηє σƒ уσυr αмαzιηg нυgѕ. ι’ℓℓ тєℓℓ нιм σr нєr єνєrутнιηg αвσυт уσυ… вυт ιт ωση’т вє тнє ѕαмє, уσυ кησω… уσυ ѕнσυℓ∂ ѕтιℓℓ вє нєяє… ι ℓσνє ιт нσω уσυ αℓωαуѕ ѕαι∂ нσω мυcн уσυ ℓσνє∂ мє. нσω ρrєтту αη∂ gσrgєσυѕ ι αм. тнαт ι’м тнє σηє ƒσr уσυ. ιт αℓωαуѕ ωαrмє∂ му нєαrт. вυт ιт ωαѕ ℓιкє уσυ кηєω ωнαт’∂ нαρρєη ωнєη уσυ ℓєƒт тнє нσυѕє тнαт ∂αу. тнє ωαу уσυ нυggє∂ αη∂ кιѕѕє∂ мє, тнє ωαу уσυ ℓσσкє∂ αт мє… ι ∂ση’т кησω ωну ι тнιηк тнαт, ιт’ѕ נυѕт ѕσмє ƒєєℓιηg ι cαη’т gєт rι∂ σƒ… αηуωαу, ѕσмєнσω… ι нανє тσ ρυℓℓ тнrσυgн, уσυ кησω؟ ƒσr уσυ… αη∂… ƒσr συr вαву. уσυ ωση’т вє rєαℓℓу нєrє, вυт ι кησω уσυ’ℓℓ вє ωαтcнιηg мє, υѕ, αη∂ уσυ’ℓℓ ηєνєr ℓєανє му нєαrт. ι кησω уσυ’∂ ѕαу ι нανє тσ тrу тσ ƒιη∂ ℓσνє αgαιη, ѕσмєσηє єℓѕє, ѕσ тнαт ι’м нαρρу… вυт тнє тяυтн ιѕ, ι нσηєѕтℓу ∂ση’т тнιηк ι cαη. ησвσ∂у ιѕ ℓιкє уσυ, ι ℓσνє уσυ. ι ∂ση’т тнιηк ι cαη єνєr ℓσνє ѕσмєσηє єℓѕє αѕ мυcн αѕ ι ℓσνє∂ уσυ… ι ωιℓℓ αℓωαуѕ ℓσνє уσυ, ƒσrєνєr αη∂ αℓωαуѕ. мαувє ιт тαкєѕ ѕσмє тιмє тιℓℓ ωє ѕєє єαcн σтнєr αgαιη, мαувє уєαrѕ, ρrσвαвℓу ∂єcα∂єѕ. вυт ι cαη’т ωαιт тσ ѕєє уσυ αgαιη… вєcαυѕє ι ℓσνє уσυ. ι αℓωαуѕ нανє, ι αℓωαуѕ ωιℓℓ. ̲ƒ̲̲σ̲̲r̲̲є̲̲ν̲̲є̲̲r̲̲.̲ ℓσνє, (уσυя ηαмє) ***

#backtowriting #mystories

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