hyunjinsdoll

[hyunjinsdoll]

omg you’re back !! I want you to know that I enjoy your writing very much and I hope that you’ll be able to keep writing when you’re healthier again :D

Oh my, thank you so much! That's very sweet of you to say 🥺

It means a lot to me that someone out there enjoys my writing even when I've disappeared, especially when I'm on hiatus, because I can't help but feel like a failure every time I remember I can't write or update consistently, so this really encourages me to get better soon and so get back into writing 💞

I wish you a lovely day 🥰

#lovely anon 💜 #vyn replies

[hyunjinsdoll]

hey! just wondering if u were still working on the seungmin x fuck girl reader fic ? if not that’s fine once again i was just wondering. thanks !

Hi! To be honest I never expected anyone to still find my blog and waiting for my works, so this is a surprise! And to your surprise as well (maybe), I do still work on it. Like I have drafts and bulletpoints of the overall plot but my life has been chaotic and my health keeps declining, which is why this blog is (for the most part) abandoned as much as I want to come back and be active again. So I cannot promise when I can publish the work, but once things have calmed down and I feel better, then hopefully I can finally finish writing it ❤️

#thank you for the ask <3 #lovely anon 💜 #vyn replies

[hyunjinsdoll]

Just saw hyunjin's call me baby fancam and once again he makes me feel hot and bothered like how does he do it??

#after all this time I'm away from the fandom he still has it in him #the audacity 😤

[hyunjinsdoll]

stray kids | 2022 season’s greetings ✨

[hyunjinsdoll]

🍷 Hiii 🤗💖 Sorry I’m replying late, I’ve been super busy with work these days. Except for being exhausted, the rest is going well. This month I’ll finally take one week of leave so I could go on vacation after 10 months of working. How have you been doing? Are you still working at the same job as in last winter? Lots of hugs for you 🥰

Hi hi!!

Please don't be sorry about replying late! I do that, too, because even though I'm back, I'm still juggling between my work and health and just sanity in general lol

So yeah I relate to you! Work has been really a pain for me too, like I'm so busy and there's just SO MANY things I have to do and catch up with, and before I know it, I'm so overwhelmed.

I'm glad that things are going well. I'm the same, as in I'm also exhausted, but my life in general is okay, like it could be worse.

It's really awesome that you finally get a week of vacation though! I took a 5 days vacation too last month, which was only possible if I have worked for at least 1 year, so as you've guessed, I'm still working on the same job as I was last winter.

Hope you'll have a lot of fun and rest on your vacation!! You deserved it 💕

#🍷anon #vyn replies

[hyunjinsdoll]

hi love i’m here with some advice…

i let myself feel the pain if you’re anything like me you might bottle up all your emotions and hold them in (or even if you don’t you should still do this it feels nice) and maybe you keep them in until it all comes pouring out well don’t hold it back let it come out, let yourself hurt. and when you’re done crying, screaming, whatever it is you need to do you talk yourself down. this is a coping mechanism i unfortunately had to teach myself in my loneliest moments but i’m going to share it with you. you tell yourself even if you don’t believe it right then and there it doesn’t matter you tell yourself you matter, you tell yourself you are loved, that you have a purpose, and that you have so many reasons to keep going and you keep telling yourself that you are worth so much more and that you are proud of yourself. and it’s very hard to do that i know bc i’ve been there so if you can’t do that at first then let me be the one to tell you that i believe all of those things about you. and we all have different coping mechanisms so like i like to lay down in my dark room and listen to music so maybe if you like music you could do that or if you prefer silence you could do that but just let yourself be at peace (physically) and just let yourself feel everything. you may not know me but just know i love you and you worth everything and so much more. be strong baby.

tw // depression

Hey!

Thank you for sending this ask, anon, and sorry it has taken me some time to respond. I was busy with work, and on top of that, my physical health has deteriorated, so...

I don't know if I bottle up my feelings or not. I do have some friends I talk to about my problems, but often after talking about it, I feel like I haven't really expressed how I feel, does that make sense?

So in the end, I'd feel like I still have a lot of pent up emotions, and I do wish I could scream my lungs out, but I haven't gotten the opportunity sadly.

I'm not sure what my coping mechanism is exactly because nothing really works or makes me feel better. Talking to myself ends with overthinking and speaking bad about myself. I used to write or draw, but my insecurities always get the best of me, and I end up not enjoying that either. I guess another thing I like is playing games, but then I'd feel bad when I play games because I don't actually do something with my life, like I'm supposed to find better jobs or build a portfolio, and playing games isn't doing that.

But yeah the joke is on me because with all the stress I end up lying in bed doing nothing so maybe I should've played games anyways.

Still, thank you for sharing about your coping mechanism. I don't know if it will work on me because I just can't seem to believe whatever good things I say about myself. I try, but deep down there's always sth in me who just denies it, so it makes me want to cry, honestly, when you say you will be the one to believe in those things about me when I can't.

I don't know if I'm worth that much effort, and it's still hard for me to believe those things, but I just really appreciate it, because it makes me think, "Maybe there was something good that I did, even if only a little." despite my flaws.

Music helps though, it at least helps me get through my days and retain my sanity because without music I think I'd have gone insane really quick.

I just wanna say that I hope I can make it through, and see to it that all your efforts and kind words are not in vain, and that hopefully it would also give you the strength you need. Thank you for giving me strength.

#vyn replies #lovely anon

[hyunjinsdoll]

I shall let you hug me and I hug you back <3

Coming back here at the top to say: Beware this is fucking huge.

Starting from the end. Do not apologize for "rambling". You're sharing what you feel, and that's the intention, isn't it? I don't think your 'negativity' would make me feel worse, but I see where this comes from 'cause I do the same thing. I would probably not be able to say much or to say something positive, tho lol

And I understand. Sometimes it does feel lonely. Sometimes more than just sometimes too. And having happy moments can't heal us from everything. Sometimes it feels like it can't heal us at all.

About the piling up and throwing everything away. Relatable. It's complicated and there are many factors to take into account. Sometimes we can't postpone things. We have to do it. But when we can, we have to take time to ourselves, even if things pile up.

You're doing the best you can do right now, aren't you?

That might not feel enough for you, but it's enough for now.

And I understand it perfectly. There are lots of times, more than I'd like to have, that 'this too shall pass' doesn't sound like it belongs to me. We feel exhausted and there is just so much we can do to keep going. It's okay to take a break when those times come. It's okay to look for help. It's okay to curl up on your bed. It's okay to have those thoughts, as long as you don't act on them. It's okay not to punish yourself for the things you thought you should have done to not get at this point. It's okay to make mistakes. Nothing of these defines you, and you'll be able to get help in the future. Professional would be the best. But I do remember how you're not able to do it right now.

There are some things we can figure out how to work by ourselves. With a lot of reflection. Taking baby steps. Going easy on us.

You don't feel like you can run right now, so try to kneel down. Or to stand up. Even to give one step. Anything that you can manage to do right now to feel better. Depression is much more than "feeling bad" and I know we need help and sometimes meds to go through it. And as much as the meds help to stabilize us and do WONDERS, they're not the only thing that can help. They're necessary, but while you can't have the other necessary things, you can try and take your time to adapt to something better. Something less bad than you're experiencing now.

It is neverending. And knowing this isn't really... Great? But it's also not always that hard. It can be bearable.

Good Lord I just send you HUGE asks, I'm sorry. It's not even in the end.

The friends think is complicated. I know I have friends I can count on, and I still can't count on them every time. I always worry about what they're going through. If I'm worrying them. If I'm getting in their way. If I'm being too negative. All those kinds of stuff. And I don't really believe that 'real friends' will stay with you no matter what. Maybe those friends don't know how to deal with it. And it's not their obligation. And it's hard and it feels lonely. But maybe it just feels lonely. Maybe you're taking all to your shoulders and not giving them the chance to help you, 'cause you feel guilty. Maybe it's not the case. I really can't tell. I don't know your friends. You have me, and you have other people on tumblr as well uhsauhsahusuha. And I can't really help much, I'm just as messed up as always SUHAUHSAHUSAUHHSUA But venting is good to the soul. That's what I believe.

And yeah. It's freaking out when the 'bad day' turns into a 'bad week' and then into a 'bad month' and then into a 'bad year' and then it keeps going. And you might "not have done something to prevent it" [not that I think that this thing exists] but you can start it now. You can't blame yourself for not dealing with something that you didn't know how to deal with. You may start kinda awkwardly but you can learn.

I'm going through the same thing with the time stuff and all. And I do believe that there is no thing like getting there too late. But I also feel like I don't want to waste my time. That I want to make it right in the first attempt. And I don't think I'll. And it freaks me out. But so many other people are just like us. So many people found themselves later on.

I believe that we can take a lot of roads to get to where we meant to go. And sometimes we'll hate the trip. Sometimes we'll want to go back and take another road. Sometimes we'll find a connection between those roads and just change from one to another. And it's upsetting not getting there when we want to. It really is. But when we get there, and when we handle our expectations and our mind. I believe that there is no way to fail it, if you keep a goal in mind.

Maybe the goal changes. Maybe it's not what you dreamed of. But not all dreams are that good anyway. We have nightmares too lol. Maybe you'll find a better dream. We don't know what will happen in the future. Which is scary. But it's also what can keep us dreaming and chasing.

And it's not about the end as well. It's about all those roads. You'll find some that will bring you joy. And you'll also have to choose some that won't, but will get you to where you want. But it's all part of life, Ig.

I guess the truth is that there is no end for those paths. And it IS an endless train. And it DOES make us want to jump off it. And I'll sound cheesy as hell. But maybe we should focus a little bit less on the end of the journey and a little bit more on those trees passing outside. Or that amazing coffee on the train lol. Or that random stranger that looks suspicious and you want to bust them like sherlock holmes lol.

It's hard to focus on those. I'm not saying it's easy. I'm not saying I do it as well SUHAUHSAUHSAUHHSUA Although I'm trying to.

At this moment I have a 'final goal' and I have no idea of what path to take and I am scared as fuck. Cause I always knew what path I wanted to take. Sometimes it didn't go right and I had to choose another way. But I knew better than I know now. I'm completely lost right now, and it's scary. And I'm afraid of making a bad decision. How many years can it cost? But at the same time, how many things can I come across on a wrong path? How many right things I can come across? How many right people I can meet?

How many years are too much to lose? What is to lose time? We can learn a lot of things in any path we take. If you can't see yourself any closer to your dream goal, try and look around your way. That's what I've been trying. It works some days. It makes me feel like shit at others. Try and find a path to take, but if you can't, go step by step.

I don't think it's ever too late to start over with ourselves.

If it feels too late, it feels too late. And you're allowed to feel it and mourn it. But maybe it's just your time.

There is a thing I'm trying to 100% absorb into my life.

I might be X and I might want to reach Y. But I'm allowed to feel worthy and okay by being X until I can reach Y. There is nothing saying that I can't be happy at both forms. I just need to learn how to accept where I am, who I am and learn to love/deal with this as much as I do with what I want to become.

We don't have to feel miserable all the way to our goal. We can learn to feel better. We may even learn to love some parts of us or the way.

*cries in all languages possible*

No but seriously I have nothing to say. Not to make it seem like I'm not responding to everything you just said but I think you've said everything that needs to be said.

Of course I don't mean to say that this is the ultimate answer to all problems, but hell if it didn't make me see things in a different perspective. The sad part is I knew some of these things already but maybe I lost sight I don't know, but I know for sure that even if I did lose sight, it was because life was not dealing me cards in my favour, and I became skeptical and complex instead of being hopeful and modest. I stopped to enjoy the small things, even though I know it wasn't all bad, because I get too busy trying to survive.

But you know, at the very least, you make me want to try that again. Or, while it doesn't seem grandiose like "your words changed my life", I just think you have a really interesting way of seeing things and your ask really entertained me in a way that was enough to distract me from overthinking the heavy details of this topic, almost like your ask is the "trees passing outside" or "the amazing coffee" that stops me from chasing the urge to jump off the train.

Thank you for sharing so much Missy, please don't feel bad about sending a huge or long ask because I truly read each sentence and took them to heart.

I love you ♥️♥️♥️

#missskzbiased #my soulmate #mutuals #vyn replies

[hyunjinsdoll]

Hmmm, whenever I fell like I'm drowning in whatever life throws at me, I honestly talk to myself. Like outloud as if I'm having a conversation with myself. I never knew when I started doing this but I always had to self soothe myself at such a young age and as I grew older that's what stuck. I guess it could be like meditating but I approach it on a less spiritual level and more of a confrontation with myself. I start off with questions like "why do I feel the way I do right now" "what's happened to my self worth" "what happened to lead up to this moment" and I just start conversation as if I'm talking to either a therapist or more like a trusted friend that I could tell anything to. I try and answer as truthful yet rational as possible, like confronting your own problems and acknowledging them is important. It's almost like becoming your own therapist? Of course this may not work for everyone and I do say approach it with caution if you are susceptible to spiraling deeper in your depression if this does sound like it would. I find this to be like journaling without the record. Y'know? Letting those thoughts be out there in the universe let's some weight of your chest. I also recommend a good fucking cry, like a good one. These therapy sessions with myself typically do end up with crying and it gives me some clarity, albeit not 100% but at least some. I can't really describe wholly what my therapy sessions with myself entail in written word but I hope this helps??? Just know that you are doing the right thing in atleast reaching out and finding ways to get better and you can get through it!!! LOVE YOU VYN 😘😘😘

tw // depression

Oh Maia, this is the sweetest. Let me give you hugs too *lots of hugsssss*

I honestly relate with how you came up to be, I mean I also have had to be self reliant since I was very young, at least in terms of emotional growth, because when it comes to chores I suck.

But when it comes to my own feelings and emotions, my parents weren't so well attuned, and they were more of "cold but caring" kind of parenting, and my dad was even worse since he just kind of left. To boil it down, talking about feelings and emotions is almost unheard of, so I would end up talking to myself. Not out loud but I have conversations with myself 24/7.

Only the difference is I'm a really, really bad therapist for myself. Having grown up with "tough love" and numerous betrayals, I'm conditioned to think that there must be something wrong with me.

So as you have guessed, it spirals into self-hate, self-blame, and I'd end up feeling worse at the end. And of course, I cry. I'd cry my heart out and it does feel better for a while, but soon it becomes more miserable and tiring than relieving, because I'd get anxious if someone noticed I cried.

I want to get help but professionals are scarce here where I live, and the notion is still HEAVILY stigmatized even more compared to in the western or first world countries. To put it simply, some people would say "I don't want to acknowledge you as someone I know if you say you are crazy/I don't want to be acquainted with someone crazy/I befriended you because you weren't crazy" because of course, mentally unstable or unwell means crazy to them.

So even as I say these things, I can't say for certain that I'm depressed. At least I'm not clinically depressed or diagnosed with one despite the symptoms, just because I don't have the means to have it diagnosed and treated, and I know some people will raise all hell if I just say I'm this and that without getting properly diagnosed, but I think I can safely say it's not normal that I have these symptoms for years. Of various things I've learned about, I have symptoms of either depression, bpd, or/and adhd.

The last thing is what makes things hard for me the most. I literally cannot focus, or when I do, I hyperfocus or hyperfixated, and this gets in the way of things that should be done. I said earlier I wanted to be able to meditate but for some reason haven't been able to. But to be honest, I know one of the reasons, and that is because I can't. At least not yet.

I tried to meditate but my mind would just wander off jumping from one thing to another, and before I knew it, my head is overloaded with things or I overthink, and we all know what overthinking does to you.

These are all feel like a vicious cycle to me that I cannot get out of.

But you are right. I think for once I did the right thing to try a conversation here. I may not be able to get a professional help but I've gotten 3 asks so far of people sharing their pains and how they deal with them, and it helps me see that people dealing with the same things I do are still trying their hardest in their own ways to heal, and that gives me hope to fight a little longer, together with all of you.

So thank you. Thank you for giving me strength, for supporting me, for making me feel seen and validated, things that I never thought I'd ever deserve.

And I only have the bestest of wishes for you. I do apologize if I over-share or if I'm triggering unpleasant emotions, but I just hope that you can see it as my way of showing that I trust you and thankful for you sharing with me.

Once again, thank you. Please take care as well ♥️

#peachy-maia #mutuals #legend #vyn replies

[hyunjinsdoll]

Not too helpful but I cry lol

I cry and cry and cry. And when I feel prepared [usually when I'm almost over it and half-dead] I share it with someone I trust and it helps me to understand things better.

I'm not much of a great help 'cause I'm like this too and I still haven't learnt to deal with it properly, but as much as we feel worthless sometimes, I don't think any of us are.

Sometimes we wish we could be 'more worthy' because of reasons. Maybe we're too perfectionists or maybe we're not where we thought we would be or whatever. But there is no doubt that we are worth right now and we'll also be in the future.

I don't know about you, but sometimes I see random people laughing or smiling or just having a good time with themselves or friends or whoever, and it makes me feel happy for them. Do they think they're worth because of something like this? Something they don't even know they cause in another person? Probably not. But for me those strangers are worthy in that moment. They move me and make me feel better.

We might not know it, but we could have made an impression on someone and helped them without knowing. And we might not see the worth on this, but maybe someone else sees it. And maybe someday we can see ourselves through their eyes in a way. We don't have to be worth for someone else, but thinking like this, as I can't see the worth in myself, helps a little bit. 'Cause I know it's all in my head. And it doesn't help much, 'cause it's still in MY head, and it messes up with MY feelings, but it gives me a weapon against my own thoughts, and I'm taking it lol.

About the emptiness, I don't have anything to say. I also don't know how to handle it when it comes. And it's awful to have to wait or do something to feel full, but it'll happen. Even if it keeps going and coming. It's tiring and personally I think it feels unfair. But good things do come sometime, and for now, while we don't know how to handle it, I guess holding tight on this is what can keep us going.

tw // depression

Missy, please just let me hug you *hugs*

I do feel the same way about things. Life is great when I see people living happily, and not the kind that flexes with materialistic goods, but the kind that laughs heartily with their loved ones. It's wholesome.

But while I am happy for them, and I do have moments like that myself, at the end of the day I feel alone. At the end of the day those are all bittersweet to me, because there's always something hurting inside me, no matter how many happy times I had (which I don't have a lot, anyway).

I'd cry, too. I'd cry until it feels numb and I can't even feel anything at all, and the pain becomes emptiness, and that's when I would feel as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders. And then I become paralyzed, unable to do the things I should do. Responsibilities pile up, and everything ends up worse than they were. Before I knew it, I'm trapped in this cycle of having to force myself to get things done despite my mental health and letting things pile up when I feel shut down.

I know that this too shall pass, but sometimes I'm just so afraid that I won't be able to make it until it really passes. The journey feels neverending and I only have so much strength left.

I used to have friends I can talk to, but overtime I lost them and I think I've become some sort of a dementor, sucking out the good things and happiness in life, and I cannot blame them for staying away from me because of it.

And these days I'm starting to realize how what started as a "bad day" is now no longer a bad day, because it has gone on for years. The worst part is that I burnt out all those years without ever making an escape plan. I've wasted years not doing something that could've helped me today.

Everything feels too late, and I know that even when I eventually make it out, I don't know if I'll be happy, knowing I was late to everything, knowing I failed to live the life I dreamed of.

It feels like getting on an endless train. It's probably best that I jump, but I'm also scared, you know?

But thank you for sharing, Missy. I'm sorry I ended up rambling myself, and honestly I wished I could talk to you first, but I knew you were going through a lot as well, and I just didn't want my negativity to make you feel worse.

I hope you'll find a way out of whatever you are going through. I love you ♥️

#missskzbiased #my soulmate #mutuals #vyn replies

[hyunjinsdoll]

I pray. Meditate. Take a shower. Drink water. ❤️❤️

Hi.

I do love showers, though sadly right now I am paralyzed and bedridden. Some have also told me to meditate, but for some reason I haven't been able to.

Thankfully at least I have water always ready with me, so.

Anyways, thank you for sharing! Take care ♥️

#vyn replies #lovely anon

[hyunjinsdoll]

tw // depression, anxiety

What do you guys do when you feel worthless and empty?

What do most people do when life gets so tiring that no amount of sleep can help?

#vyn rambles #i know this is not what my blog is for but i do feel trapped and suffocated #it's like i bleed when i write or pour my heart and soul and mind into something #and right now im running out of blood way too soon that just waking up each and live feels painful #does anyone else feel that way too? #if you do i really hope that you will see the light at the end of the tunnel soon #i really do

[hyunjinsdoll]

Heiii, welcome back 🤗! I hope you are doing well 🍷

Aaaaaa hiiii!!! How are you???

It's been such a long time and I really missed talking to you :')

I'm getting by, so no worries! Really stressed out but otherwise all good 🥴

I hope you're doing well yourself 💜

And HUGS FOR YOU

#🍷anon #vyn replies

[hyunjinsdoll]

Working on exciting projects that I should've done a long time ago ~

#vyn updates #back after a long hiatus whoooooo #hyunjin's back and so am i i guess lols #uhh currently finishing on the 3some i promised and then onto other stuff

[hyunjinsdoll]

I literally have so much to talk about Bc Jinnie and Minho are ALWAYS on my mind. Like... it’s a problem. But, how to you think hyunjin would react to you having a kink for his hands?😏

I ALWAYS HAVE TIME TO TALK ABOUT HYUNJIN AND MINHO, WELL ANY OF THE SKZ BOIS SO YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE :]

All jokes aside though, sorry for the late response lol I said I always have time to talk about them, but reality hasn't been so kind x'D

Okay, let’s get it!

I think Hyunjin would be surprised at first, wondering how can someone be so fixated on hands?

At first, he’d think it's silly because he doesn't think his hands are anything special. In fact, he thinks your hands are more beautiful than his.

So, when you told him one day in a game of truth or dare that just looking at his hands can turn you on and send you spiraling into indecent thoughts, he just went silent for a good few seconds it made you re-think your decisions. Perhaps you should’ve taken a “dare.”

“Really?” he asked. “My hands do that to you?"

You nodded and he asked more questions.

“Just my hands? Not just any hand?”

He looked nothing short of perplexed, putting up his hands for him to see and observe. Of course, you eased his worries and let him know that it surprised even yourself to discover this about you, since no one else’s hands would have the same effect.

Well, that brought a glint of mischief into his eyes.

Hyunjin would get a kick out of teasing you, and he simply wouldn’t give up until he gets an answer. He would ask things like what goes in your mind when you see his hands or think of them. And other times, he would purposefully distract you from whatever you are doing by putting his hands and fingers to good use, like running his fingers across his lips.

He enjoys your reactions immensely, varying from a spaced out look to angry pouts when you realize what he’s doing. Even so, you love how he starts to dress himself — rolling up his sleeves, exposing the veins and the way his muscle flex with every move.

Ultimately, the fact that you have a hand kink doesn’t make him think anything less of you, although he can’t deny that it’s somewhat flattering to know that something so trivial about him can excite you. And of course, there’s no denying how it boosts his ego that only him makes you feel that way.

Most importantly, he feels like he’s in on a new secret of yours — a secret he could use to his advantage, as he realizes how much strongly you react in bed when he truly uses his hands and fingers.

For example, when he takes you from behind, he would intertwine his fingers with yours and make your hands hold onto the headboard, letting you take a good look at the veins on his arms as well as his long fingers gripping yours tightly.

And whenever you’re about to reach your climax, he would insert his finger — or fingers — into your mouth, touching and tickling the tongue and the insides of your cheeks, even going so far as to sometimes make you gag. Just the sight of you looking all dirty and lewd with saliva around his fingers turns him on. He couldn't get enough of the way you get wet or tighter around him just from sucking his fingers.

In the end, Hyunjin really loves it, and he’s eager to learn what other kinks or secrets you have. He wants to learn every trick in the book to rile you up and spoil you like no one else ever could.

#hyunjin smut #hwang hyunjin smut #skz smut #stray kids smut #vyn replies #darling anon

[hyunjinsdoll]

Vyn!? You're back!! I hope you remember me and I'm not just making a fool of myself but I've missed you ♡

OMG MOLLY OFC I REMEMBER YOU 😭 HOW CAN I NOT???

You're literally like a big sister to me so dw you're not making a fool of yourself! I missed you too 🥺

How are you?? I'm sorry for disappearing but I'm back!! I just hope you've been well 💕

#johnnys-sunflower #vyn replies #mutuals #molly eonnie 🥺💓

[hyunjinsdoll]

Sending you some love 💗💗💗💗

I can never get enough of these kitties they're too cute T^T Please you're too sweet Alice, I'm receiving so many love from you uwu

#aliceu #vyn replies #mutuals

[hyunjinsdoll]

Hi~~~~~~~~~~ hope you're doing well!

Jisung go 😳 brrrrrr

Awww this is the sweetest!! Thank you so much for sending this!

I'm doing okay, and I hope you're doing great, too <3

#dom--minnie #vyn replies #mutuals