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izalee · 2 years

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Sparks - Sapnap

-i actually thought of this plot while listening to sparks by coldplay so feel free to listen to that while you read :D.

-briefly edited (meaning i read over it once before posting 💀).

-1,876 words.

-sapnap x female!reader ,, she/her pronouns used ,, ANGST TO SEMI FLUFF (??)

-likes are loved & reblogs are so appreciated <33

Hope you enjoy !!

i release a big sigh as the phone rings in my hand, pushing up against my ear from where it sat between my pillow and my head.

“hello?” his voice sounds tired, but i hear his fingers clicking against a keyboard so i know he wasnt sleeping.

i sniffle. “hi my love, watcha doin’?” taking a deep breath, i sit up in my bed to lean against the headboard.

i hear the smile in his voice as he speaks, “hey baby, i literally just finished editing. you called at a perfect time, as always.” he giggles a little, causing me to giggle with him for a second.

realizing what im about to do causes my giggles to fade quietly. “can we see each other today? i’ve been thinking about a lot this past week and i just want to talk to you about something.” the smile that was on my face turned sad in nothing but a few seconds.

he quiets for a few moments, i hear the taps on his keyboard stop. “whats up, are you okay?” his voice is lower, i can tell hes facing his phone now.

i let out a breath, one that i wasnt aware was being held. “not really nick-“ i stop myself as my bottom lip starts to quiver. “i’m sorry.” i whimper, stuffing my face into my hand.

i hear him standing up out of his chair, the subtle sound of the wheels gliding against the floorboards. “hey, hey no, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for okay? we can see each other today yeah, i’ll be at yours in ten okay?” he’s shuffling through his room now, i hear the muffled sound of cloth dragging against the speaker and i know he’s just slipped a hoodie on.

i nod, forgetting he cant see me. “y-yeah, yeah! okay, i’ll see you then.” i rush out, stuttering a few times. “okay, i’ll see you then. i-“ i stop when i realize ive repeated a sentence, cursing myself for a second.

he pauses again. “you what, angel?” he asks gently. i sigh again, silently appreciating whatever god gave me him.

“i love you.” i let more tears slip.

he lets out a breath this time, “i love you more angel, i’ll see you when i get there.”

and then the phone is hung up.

i crumble into my pillows, is this really something i want to do? is this something that’s necessary?

my thoughts eat away at me for the next five minutes before i start full on sobbing, and then five minutes after that i’ve started roughly wiping at my damp face and aching eyes.

i hear the front door unlock from downstairs, and my breath hallows. suddenly its harder to breathe. this man, this beautiful beautiful man. i love him too much for my own good.

“baby? are you in your room?” i hear the roughness of his voice, a comforting feeling taking over shortly after.

“here, nick!” i semi-shout, hoping its quiet enough that i’ll have a few more minutes to make myself look at least the slightest bit presentable.

its not quiet enough, and hes at my door in less than ten seconds.

i look up at him from my place in bed, my head still buried into my now damp pillow.

i love you. i love him, he is the only person i love. i love you more than anything on this planet, i dont care you are the only person i love. i love you more than i love myself… but maybe that last part isnt a good thing.

i hear the tiniest gasp leave his lips. “baby, talk to me, come here.” he crawls up to my place on my bed, urgently. his body plops down next to mines, and i feel myself being pulled into his chest.

i let out the deepest sigh and melt into his arms.

we stay like this for a few minutes, the silence engulfing us. the only sound being heard is my sniffling every few seconds, as well as the sound of my hair rustling as nick plays with it.

i pull away slowly, sitting up on my knees, and he lets his hand drop from my head gently. i look down to where his hand lies against my leg, and i reach to intertwine our fingers.

“I- we-“ i groan frustratedly. “you make me the happiest ive ever been.” I finally let out, looking up at him. As we make eye contact i see his eyes gloss over as he realizes what this conversation is.

he clears his throat, sitting up against the headboard like i was earlier. tightening his grip on my hand, comforting me and urging me to continue.

I think for a moment as i look down at our hands. “you know, ive never really enjoyed physical contact. or physical affection as a whole, not even when i was a kid.” i look into his eyes again, determined to get my point across without making him hate me.

“it’s always made me feel self conscious, no matter what it was. i hated when my little brother would hug me because i’d feel so big compared to him, and i would push my mom off me when she would try to kiss or pinch my cheeks because it made me feel fat.” i cleared my throat, thinking back to my middle school self.

i bring his hand up to my face, mouthing at his knuckles gently. “when i met you, we were in 11th grade. you had just turned 17, and i’d be turning 17 a few weeks later.” i laugh slightly, thinking back on how we had met.

he’s got a small, sad smile on his face. “yeah, and you almost ate shit walking down those bleachers.” he took the words right out of my mouth, i realize as we giggle.

he’s quick to wipe his face as i keep talking, “yeah, i definitely almost died that day. thank god you caught me. you caught me and for the first time i wasn’t completely put off by physical touch.” i nod to myself, thinking back on how i felt. “for three weeks after that i was constantly pondering. thinking about if the reason i didnt feel disgusting was because you saved me, or because of the fact that for the first time in 17 years i finally felt like i was able to breathe.”

“from that point on, i fell in love with physical touch. but only from you.” i point at him. “we became best friends a month after that happened. we went to each others games, then we’d go to each other’s houses afterwards. we’d see each other in the hallways and, even if it were for a second, we’d joke about the stupidest shit ever. we talked every day for the rest of high school.”

“yeah and then like idiots we thought we’d get rid of each other so easily!” he points out, giggling again. i tilt my head and nod, laughing at our stupidity. “we really did, and the universe said absolutely not.”

“and when we both got into gaming it was solidified for me. we were meant to be in each other’s lives, at the time i thought we were- like- platonic soulmates.” I scoff, shaking my head again. “and then i realized that i had the fattest fucking crush on you. i had the balls to tell you so quickly, and that was completely by chance because i just knew that you felt the same about me.”

he nods quickly. “i did yeah, but i knew i liked you since the 12th grade. when we got fucked up at that one party.” “which one?” I counter jokingly.

“from there my love for you grew. everyday my heart gets bigger for you. all because i trusted you with my broken body, and you know what you did with it?” I cock my eyebrow at him in question. he shrugs, looking amused because he knows i’ll answer for him. “you made it feel whole again. you made me feel like one piece.”

i sob again, hiding my face behind our connected hands. he sucks his teeth, not liking when i cry. his arms wrap around my waist, dragging me closer slightly. he shushes me until my tears become less, then he asks. “but what, my love? what’s wrong, talk to me please.”

its almost like hes begging and that breaks me. “when i’m alone, without you next to me, i go back to feeling disgusting, baby.” I whisper low as i watch tears roll down nicks face. “when we arent together i look at myself and i see something i dont want to be, i see a body that i cannot stand. a body that i am ashamed of.”

a dense silence surrounds us as the next words process on my tongue. “its not your fault that i feel this way, it’s absolutely not.” I squeeze his hand tightly. “i love you so so much, my life, my world. but i need to love myself as much as i love you, because without loving myself i am nothing.” i explain, squeezing my eyes shut as to try to wake up from the bad dream.

“you are never nothing. my sweet girl, you are everything.” he pulls my hand as to get me to look up at him, i do. “you heard me? you are everything. and if you want to take a break to work on yourself then thats what we’ll do, okay? we’ll do whatever you feel is best for you to get better, and when we come back to each other we will be better than ever yeah?” we look into each other’s eyes nodding our heads in agreement.

“you’ll wait for me?” my voice cracks as more tears fall freely. his eyebrows crinkle, taking his hands away from mine to cup my face. “i’ll wait as long as it takes for you to finally feel like yourself, if it means that we’ll come back together then i’ll wait. but i need us to promise each other that we will come back to each other, because i cannot handle the thought of losing you.”

“i promise you. this isnt a goodbye, its not. It never will be. this is a see you later.” i whisper, looking up at him and his thumbs rub under my eyes.

“i promise to always be there for you, to stay with you through this. this is a see you later.” he repeats, quieting for a few seconds afterwards.

“i love you.” we whisper at the same time, smiling sadly afterwards. he leans in slightly, asking for permission to kiss me for the first time in a year. and i nod.

so we do.

and then he’s gone.

and i give myself a small smile, for two reasons.

Because one, i know he’s going to text me when he gets home. his argument going to be ‘just because we aren’t technically together, doesnt mean i cant be here to help you through this’.

and two, for the first time in 20 years i feel a little bit okay with myself, by myself.

#sweet thoughts #mcyt #minecraft youtubers #mcyt fluff #content creator #dsmpblr #sapnap x reader #sapnap #mcyt angst #sapnap angst

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izalee · 2 years

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Never Stopped - Dream

- yet another result of spike of motivation, as well as the intense need to cry.

- not edited, there’s very likely miss spelled words oopsies.

- 1,163 words.

- dreamwastaken x female!reader ,, she/her pronouns used ,, ANGST TO FLUFF.

- likes are loved and reblogs are appreciated <3

Hope you enjoy!!

Things hadn’t been the best recently. They were big personalities, passionate in their own feelings and stubborn to admit when they were wrong in a situation. They’d talked about this before, they both knew it was something they had to work on but it’s hard to change old habits.

y/n’s arms were crossed on her chest. “How hard can it be to just grow up and admit that I’m right, Clay!”

The man’s expression turned sour, “Oh, come on. You act as if you’re so grown up yourself y/n. You’re not, by the way. You argue with me over the stupidest shit, just shut the fuck up!” He shouted at the smaller girl after turning around in his spiny chair to face her.

The petty arguments had the tendency to become screaming matches extremely quickly. After arguments they’d half heartedly apologize, not wanting to lose each other but also not really wanting to admit to being wrong for the sake of their own egos.

They’d lay down next to each other at the end of the day, not having the strength to go on any longer. They’d whisper sweet nothings into the other’s ears, desperate to forget about everything said in the days-worth of arguing.

“I’ll always love you, no matter what forsaken words come out of my mouth when i’m angry. I love you so goddamn much y/n.” The words dripped off of clay’s pretty pink lips like sweet honey.

He did, he meant it when he said those three words. He always meant it, no matter what. Clay truly did love y/n, and y/n the same. But when you are told differently by actions and reactions every single day for a period of time, youre confidence in the other person’s words slowly diminishes.

The words slipped in through one ear and out the other as tears welled up in her eyes, “i love you too, clay.” She spoke in a whisper. she wanted to believe him, she really really did. But how could she after everything she’s heard these passed few months.

All she could do was hope that her love was enough for the two of them.

It wasnt.

Or rather, as time went on, it didnt feel like it was.

Present time y/n stood in a pair of black heels, adorning a pretty red dress that reached to right above her knees. Her hair perfectly pinned back, and her makeup as perfect as she could manage to get it alone.

The only thing missing is the happy smile that once plastered itself on her face, which was replaced with a frown and slumped shoulders. “We have plans for today, what do you mean?” Her voice was small as she spoke, watching her boyfriend run around his recording room looking for something.

“We can do something tomorrow, please.” He was begging. “We’ve had plans to record this stupid video for like two months, this is the only time we-“

y/n cut him off, a hard look on her face to mask the immense hurt that she felt. “Today is our anniversary, clay. Why would you make plans to record on our anniversary day?”

Clay shrugged it off, plopping himself down at his desk after finding the wire he had been searching for. “Its the only day we were all free.” He mumbled, connecting to wire into his computer. y/n gaped, her jaw hanging slightly.

“You arent free today, you dickhead. You have your 6th year anniversary with your girlfriend!” Clay shot a look towards y/n, she could tell he was getting annoyed which only made her angrier.

She took the jacket she was wearing off of her shoulders, throwing it on the office couch angrily. “And now you have the audacity to look at me like i disgust you? You know, you’re not the person i fell in love with. You are someone who i wake up next to everyday and do not recognize!” Her face becomes hot in her anger.

“You’re talking, i literally wake up every day anticipating an argument between us. And i go to sleep telling you i love you in hopes of that preventing the fights! If i’m not that same person then you aren’t either!” Clay shouts, pointing an accusatory finger at the woman in front of him.

All is silent and tears pour down her face, her makeup running with it as she keeps her gaze focused on her fingers. “So that’s what it is then, huh? I knew it had to be something, because you can’t just go from an entire day of yelling at someone and making them feel as if you cannot stand them, to then lying down next to them at night and confessing your love for them. That’s not how it works, that isn’t love.” She shrugs helplessly, her arms lifting for a second only to be dropped back against her thighs with a sharp clap.

“I do not hate you-“ clay gets cut off again, y/n finally looking him in the eyes. “you dont? Can you even say that for sure, clay? Do you even say you love me and mean it anymore? Because everyday its feeling more and more like we are in over our heads when it comes to this relationship.” She let out a shaky breath that she didnt know she was holding in.

A large, choking breath escapes clays mouth before he can stop it. He stares at his lover for a few moments before standing up and taking a few steps towards his love.

His large hands engulf the sides of y/n’s neck, he leans his forehead against hers. “I love you more than words can ever explain. You are my favorite thing about my life, you always have been. I’m so sorry i let it get this bad for us, im sorry that ive been making you feel like the love isn’t there anymore because i swear to you it is.”

Tears fall from both of their faces in the silence, all to be heard is heavy breaths and hiccups as the couple cry into each other’s shoulders.

“Ive been feeling so alone in a house with just us two. Ive been questioning wether there was anything to even fight for anymore, and i cry myself to sleep in your arms because i stopped believing you when you told me you loved me months ago.” y/n sobs, wrapping her arms around clay’s waist.

The man shakes his head, repeating out whispers of apology to his woman. “I’ve never told you that i loved you and not meant it, from when we made those stupid letters when we were fifteen to now..” he trails off for a moment.

“We’re gonna stay home today, and cuddle up in bed with patches, and we’re going to reread our love letters to each other. Because i need to prove to you that i’ve never stopped loving you, and i dont plan on stopping anytime soon.”

#sweet thoughts #mcyt #minecraft youtubers #content creator #dreamwastaken fanfic #dreamwastaken angst #dream x reader #dream x fem!reader #mcyt angst #mcyt fluff #heartwrenching #i definitely cried making this

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