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A Chilly Day Off

Seiring dengan cuti yang semi-gagal karena kehabisan kuota Sobat Hanoman, aku baliklah jadi Sahabat Peterpan, alias pulang ke Antapani. Selasa-Minggu akan aku habiskan di Bandung. Niatnya untuk istirahat, dan kalo gak males, mungkin bikin daftar kemungkinan apa saja yang mau aku raih ke depannya.

Susah juga tapi ya pikiran lepas dari pekerjaan. Padahal sudah off chat apps (cuma cek beberapa karena deadline). Here I am, di tempat pelarian biasanya di Dipati Ukur tapi bukan di spot biasa karena gak buka laptop. Ditemenin sama buku yang keliatan baru padahal udah dianggurin lama. Juga ditemenin hape yang dibuat ngetik ini. Bisa dipastikan screen time lebih lama dari baca bukunya.

Enak juga duduk di sofa ini sambil ngebayangin Mba Desi keliling dunia ketemu banyak orang berbeda budaya dan kebiasaan, mengunjungi tempat-tempat historikal, atau sekadar mampir di sela-sela tugas jurnalistiknya. Cus lagi apa jalan-jalan? Liat jatah cuti lagi deh mumpung mau di-reload. Semoga di-approve bos!

20-11-2019

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Halte Perempatan

Bertahun lalu, waktu kamu masih suka mengeluh jam pulang kantor yang tak menentu, kamu gak sadar betapa seringnya kita berpapasan di perempatan jalan ini. Dulu tempat kerja kita cuma berjarak dua ratusan meter dan sama-sama menunggu bis pulang di halte perempatan ini. Aku juga gak sadar sih sering papasan sama kamu di sini. Siapa juga yang peduli atau mau kenalan sama orang asing di halte bis pas jam pulang. Badan lagi lengket keringat, muka terhembus asap knalpot, belum lagi beratnya ransel yang isinya setumpuk dokumen pitching besok pagi. 

Sampai waktu itu, ada ribut di halte waktu bis jurusanku sudah di depan mata. Ternyata kamu kehilangan ponselmu dan orang-orang sekitar ikut membantu mencarikan. Air muka kamu waktu itu gak enak banget. Celakanya, aku pikir, kamu bukan mau pulang. Dengan baju rapi seperti itu, sepertinya kamu ada janji penting malam ini. Wajah kamu sudah gak ada harapan. Ya sudah aku langsung pinjamkan saja ponselku karena pasti kamu ingin memberitahu orang di ujung sana kalau kamu akan terlambat dan ponselmu hilang. Tanpa basa-basi gak enakan, kamu ambil ponselku dan langsung menelepon orang yang kamu tuju. Untung saja wajahmu langsung lega segera setelah menghubunginya. Itu tandanya dia bisa memahami keadaanmu, kan? :)

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Rooftop Residents

Heating up again upon the window Swirling the mood beating the lie outside my throne Everyone outside looking for mirror Giant and clear reflection of their own Its time to spread your view Moving out the nonchalantly room Before they strike the air with the sound Of the gruesome hound Let your brain says what it says Because we got no extra time to laid back Your heart keep pounding pure beats Better hurry cos they are chasing your seat No one ask you to think No one ask you to feel Yet your body sink in the water Till all the sight get blurry and fader If you see through my glasses We are getting more than just scenery And i'll walk on your shoes So we know that they're only making a loop

#rooftop residents #sajak #poems #poetry #poem

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Terbentang

Kita kini berjauhan Berbeda satuan, berkelana dimensi Kita dulu pernah dekat Bercurah tawa, berselimut kasih

Suatu saat aku teringat waktu bersama Ketika keinginan-keinginan kita dilanggar perasaan Atas pengaruh harapan, kita berpencar Tapi tak pernah lama, jiwa kita terpaut sayang

Dirimu selalu hadir dalam tarikan napas Menjalari sistem syarafku yang rapuh ditelan rasa Membasuh memori yang berjelaga Antara irisan waktumu dan kesempatanku

Jangan salahkan aku terus memimpikanmu Aku takkan luruh menyayangimu

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Tak Pernah Hilang

Dari dulu dia tak pernah suka Jika kuceritakan betapa menawan wajahnya Dia selalu menjauh Saat aku nikmati alegori lekuk sudutnya

Sampai akhirnya dia tak lagi melayang dalam bising Dicarinya setitik majas yang bisa obati keterpurukannya Dia lalu menghampiriku dengan sejuta mega Yang tak bisa lagi aku rasakan

Lalu dia berlari ke tudung nanar Bersembunyi dari kilat cahaya merdu yang didamba

Dia mulai mengerti satir Dari kekejaman para sinapsis di kepalanya

Tak perlu lagi dia mencari makna Karna kurekam seluruh jejaknya

Dia tak lagi bertahta Dalam celah terkecil alam sadar ini Karna selalu kudekap asanya yang mulai menguap

Gresik, 290316

#sajak #puisi #poet #poetry

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Kisah Saat Ini

Di dalam serapahnya Aku selalu diundang Menjadi tamu agung perayaan Dirinya yang tak lagi selamat

Tak dapat dua pekan Ia berjalan di atas puing sepi Sendiri bertabur hening Terdiam tak ada lingua

Ia perlahan menghilang Menyatu dengan tanah Terurai terbang bersama angin Hingga raib ke pelosok nadir

Itulah kisah yang ku saksikan Hari demi hari di atas tanah tuan dan puan Menjadi bagian di dalamnya Lalu perlahan memuai dan meledak sepi di keramaian

#sajak #puisi #poetry

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Keruh. Semakin jenuh. Lalu muntah. Berdarah.

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Saat Berkunjung

Perjalanan pulangku tadi tak begitu baik Harus menyeberang kubangan yang terbentuk setelah hujan lebat dua jam lalu Aku berkeringat dingin akibat angin semalam saat tak kunjung tidur

Menunggu fajar dengan segala suaranya

Tapi kau tak kunjung datang Hanya sesekali berpesan jangan mengunci pintu dulu Kau selalu saja larut mengejutkanku Tiba-tiba ada di samping memeluk ragaku

Jalanan pulang masih becek Sepatuku sudah robek sebagian karena lari-lari dikejar sakit

Ternyata kau belum pulang juga Aku bereskan rumah sendiri dulu Menunggu kau datang lagi Di saat yang ku tak tahu pasti

Gresik, 130216

#sajak #poetry #puisi #poem

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To my mother, May every tear that has ever fallen from your tired eyes on my behalf become a river for you in Paradise.

via @hareemm (via hareemm)

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When this world got too overwhelming for the Prophet (sws), when he couldn’t find any solutions, or any way to cope here in this world, He was taken to the heavens and was given a gift that helped him heal, that helped him keep pushing, and was the solution to his problems and that was the gift of salah- the 5 daily prayers. Salah wasn’t commanded to be a burden, but rather a gift for us. Five times a day we push dunya to the side and put our heads on the floor, realizing that Allah has been and will always be the most fundamental truth and the ultimate goal. 

May Allah allow us to rush to our prayers the way the Prophet (sws) did. May Allah allow us to love and look forward to our prayers the way the Prophet (sws) would look forward to talking to His Creator, and may Allah allow us to see the solutions to all our problems in our Salah, and allow our submission and conversation with him 5 times a day be a means of healing, strengthening, and success for us in this world and the next. 

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Rantai Alasan

Kau tak perlu terlalu yakin padaku Tak ada yang menyuruhmu Kau hanya cari alasan agar kita bisa bertemu

Setelah lama kita terpaut pilu

Aku tak pernah terlalu percaya padamu Kurasa kau tahu itu Sejak dulu

Waktu aku bahkan tak pernah berniat menyalahkanmu

Tak ada yang selanjutnya datang untuk menyapa paras Ingatkan segala rupa yang aku hilangkan dengan sengaja Aku bukan diri cerdas

Jika aku lah yang salah/ akankah aku berdosa?

Gresik, 271115

#sajak #puisi #prosa #alasan

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Menghilang

Sejak aku benar-benar tenggelam Lalu terbanting angin ribut Meninggalkanmu dalam seka keringat Hingga terbangun aku masih di sisimu Aku selalu merasa lega tanpa syukur Ketika air tak cukup terjun hanya dari mataku Kemana mana aku selalu mencarimu Semilir datang memolesku lirih Buktikan narasi bahwa aku tak lagi bersua denganmu di atmosfer ini Bedanya kini aku tak sedang bermimpi

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Dendam kesumat

Dari kecil Aku bertaruh siasat dengan realita Segala perintah yang dianggap mutlak Harus aku lakukan

Lalu aku berkata tidak dan ongkang ongkang tak mau tahu

Aku digebuk Seiris demi seiris Hingga di potongan terakhir wajahku terdiam Seperti lelah padahal panas membara

Karna aku tahu perintah itu datang hanya untukku, bukan untuknya Maka ia tak jalankan

Akhirnya aku tumbuh Jadi orang yang bermacam-macam Aku selalu kesal karena penolakan

Tapi aku ini memang pengecut Bahkan tak punya nyali untuk punya dendam sekalipun

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Laugh That Doesn’t Get Along With My Psych

Some people believes that mistakes made us learn a lesson. Along with the existence of mistakes, people will realize that their previous deeds are not in the right track. The right track itself has plenty of meanings, whether you are God believers means the right is what God says, or maybe you don’t believe in God but still has another meaning of right refers to socially accepted behavior.

Mistakes can be so awful or vice versa that it affects your psychological condition to a worse or better one. Will you be angry, frustrate, drown into sorrow, or forgive yourself instead? None will know unless they are in the condition. Mistakes is an unpredictable factor of distraction for our mind. So does what Netflix portrays in its series “Orange Is The New Black”.

I’ve heard this series couple months ago though the pilot aired on July 2013. The first rumor I heard from friends or others (I totally forgot) is that Orange Is The New Black (OITNB) is a lesbian themed series. Well I did some research to my gurus—Wikipedia and IMDB — that it wasn’t simply a cliche lesbian love romance. It turned out a comedy drama series about women prisoner. And, still I didn’t ring a bell.

Until a week ago, I found the series on my friend’s hard drive. Because I’m made of trial and current mood, so I just clicked the pilot episode. Unwittingly, I spent half first season in a marathon — about half day till my eyes were too tight to be awaken, too loose to fall asleep, worst way to open your dream realm.

What kept me awake for marathon is that it was just that different. My emotion is auto-stirred that I can’t feel what emotion should I feel at the moment. It was supposed to be comedy, which literally generated dopamine to make laugh, not unstated led to stressful sensation like what I felt that time.

I was and am a freak for psych related issue. I love enjoying stories involving human’s psychological condition, like emotions, psych disorder, disease, or simply any genre which has twistical psychological epilog. It makes me fascinated about how humans can be so fragile and stalwart concurrently. There was no exception when I watched OITNB. Like I said, I might be should laugh instead of silent in anger.

Prison has many reason to make it clearly an unpleasant and least wanted place you want to be in. Imagine yourself trapped in a big cage and maybe it is in the middle of town, where people do their regular activity happily. You think that you cannot share everything you feel inside prison to someone out there. People you meet everyday are co-inmates, warden, counselor, and prison’s head. Those are all. You may be get a visit at weekend, but with strict rules indeed.

The worst thing — that I get from this incredible series — is your co-inmates that in other word are your life partners inside are never can’t be a same people like yesterday. They are in the same circumstances that assume they have to survive inside. This series sure contains a lot of drama but in the other hand I still think whether it is the truth or just Netflix’ bluffing. I better go check to criminology’s student.

Oh hey I watched a trailer about prison-themed movie that will release in next couple months. It is The Stanford Prison Experiment. You better not to leave this behind because Ezra Miller is one of the lead — well you know how we are emotionally involved when he collaborated with Emma Watson and Logan Lerman in another psyched The Perks of Being Wallflower.

I don’t wanna make a spoil but I can’t resist myself to tell you a bit about it. So, The Stanford Prison Experiment was really happening back in 70's. Quoting from Wiki,

The Stanford Prison Experiment (SPE) was a study of the psychological effects of becoming a prisoner or prison guard. The experiment was conducted at Stanford University on August 14–20, 1971, by a team of researchers led by psychology professor Philip Zimbardo. It was funded by the U.S. Office of Naval Research and was of interest to both the U.S. Navy and Marine Corps as an investigation into the causes of conflict between military guards and prisoners. The experiment is a classic study on the psychology of imprisonment and is a topic covered in most introductory psychology textbooks.

Twenty-four male students were selected, from an initial pool of seventy-five, to adopt randomly assigned roles of prisoner and guard, in a mock prison, situated in the basement of the Stanford Psychology Department building, for a period of between seven and fourteen days. The participants adapted to their roles well beyond Zimbardo’s expectations, as the guards enforced authoritarian measures and ultimately subjected some of the prisoners to psychological torture. Many of the prisoners passively accepted psychological abuse and, at the request of the guards, readily harassed other prisoners who attempted to prevent it. The experiment even affected Zimbardo himself, who, in his role as thesuperintendent, permitted the abuse to continue. Two of the prisoners quit the experiment early, and the entire experiment was abruptly stopped after only six days, to an extent because of the objections of Christina Maslach. Certain portions of the experiment were filmed, and excerpts of footage are publicly available.

See the excitement? (Oh I was so psychopath-ed on that tone). Really, I have to put my shield on when I watch it. I won’t let you leave without giving the sneak peek.

#orange is the new black #oitnb #netflix #psychology #psych #comedy #Drama #taylor shilling #piper chapman #alex vause #laura prepon #jenji kohen #phillip zimbardo #ezra miller #Emma Watson #the perks of being wallflower #wallflower #stanford prison experiment #stanford #laugh #ceritafana #prison #jail

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At le office

Mas 1: Loh mas, kamu itu makan apa? Indomie? Popmi?

Mas 2: ini Mi ABC. Jangan sebut indomi lah kasian udah susah payah ngasih brand.

(((SUSAH PAYAH)))

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just life update

a hot wall, because of direct sunshine’s attack of gresik is actually a part of side of my room. every night when i come back from work, exactly when i expect to be in a chilly room with a fully loaded soft drink in mini refrigerator --well its not gonna happen--, instead of wishing it come, i feel a hot-literally hot aura blowing out the wall’s pores. it somekind absorbed a full energy at day then has nothing to fly them out its body at night. so, rather than feeling any cool, i stuck with a lingering hot blowing air from that wall.

and also because of that wall, i cannot directly fall asleep or just leyeh-leyeh peacefully around unless i let door and windows open as long as the heat exchange going out from my room. this means i will think about anything a lot. i sometimes claimed myself as an overthinking person and a bit of wallflower (when i wrote this one, i was actually thinking im stuck sticking to that wall and grow a pair .... of flowers). 

then i started to track memory backs. exactly before fate brought me to this city from coastline. none to know, nothing to do, and just faced the reality i had something called job at this land. sure with no back up plan (i think this job is the back up plan). these past six months i had let myself drown to the area of not knowing what exactly was going to my friends’ days. i began remembering all their social media’s updates and realized i missed their moments.

no, this post is not a regretful notes as my decide turns to be wrong. i always try to respect myself through always knowing what i had chose is the best i could get. this is just a post where i express that finally i feel i’m missing and lost my buddies’ moment. this leads me to a question whether its an achievement (of successfully not sank to darker area without them) or moment that needs to be rethink. Maybe i would just choose achievement because of my smile when wrote this (or maybe because i just knew i could buy an unlimited superfast internet connection just for 5000 rupiahs at telkom office).