levi-my-beloved

[levi-my-beloved]

Year 850, then; Year 854, now

pairings: Levi Ackerman x (GN!) reader

genre: Hurt/comfort, fluff, fluff and comfort, angst, angst and fluff

summary: Two tender moments between you and Levi after being injured in battle, leaving him to worry and look after you in his own ways.

Warning for the ending of aot spoilers

word count: 3,765

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54818275

Year 850, then:

It had been a gruelling expedition, one that had resulted in a multitude of casualties, including your own. It was a routine mission, you and your squad had been tasked with surveying the land, finding the safest route to one of the scout bases and supplying it ahead of time. You only needed to bring simple necessities like spare food and medical equipment that the upcoming squad would require during their stay there, as well as clearing out any titans that had happened to be found along the way. A small risk, all things considered.

On paper, it was one of the safest missions that the scouts had taken in a while. After the previous expedition had resulted in many deaths, the scouts had put a small pause on activity outside the walls while everyone recovered and re-evaluated future missions.

Levi had scoffed at the mention of Erwin sending you as the squad leader, mumbling under his breath that such a mission was beneath you and your team. You had reassured him that you were the best choice; that it would be a simple in-and-out mission. You and your team would be back before he knew it.

“I still don’t see why we are bothering to send you of all people on a supply run to that dusty old base. What a waste of time and resources when you should be focusing on training your team. How are you supposed to prepare your team for the upcoming missions while wasting energy supplying another?”

“Levi, it’s alright.” You remember the smile that lights up your face when you see him roll his eyes, his lips pursed in what was definitely not a pout. The captain would never do such a thing, of course. That's what he told you when you gleefully pointed it out, at least.

“Having me lead the squad is probably just a precaution, in case anything happens. I highly doubt that we will encounter many titans, if any. You know the route is usually empty each time we send out supplies. I’ll be back before you even have a chance to miss me.”

“Tch, sure. If anything, it will give me the peace I need to finish that paperwork.”

You mentally cursed yourself for tempting the universe to put you in your place, forcing you to eat your words.

On paper, it was a simple task. 

In actuality, the pouring rain obscured your vision, making it almost impossible to see more than a few feet in front of you as the dark clouds dimmed the world around you. The heavy rain mixed with the steady march of the horses along the ground. Their hooves drummed against the wet earth, vibrating through your cold and tense body, splashing through the slowly growing puddles. The howling wind echoed in your ears, taking the words of your squad and drifting them up to the dark clouds above. 

It was a perfect recipe for disaster, especially when neither you nor your team could spot the two abnormal titans rapidly approaching your position. 

The last thing you remember is the shooting pain as one of the titans reached its elongated limb to swipe at your horse, sending you flying through the air and crashing into the ground.

That's how you find yourself lying in a lumpy bed, the scratchy material rubbing against the sections of tender skin not currently covered in bandages. You sit up with a small wince, pain rolling over you in long waves at the motion. You carefully wiggle your arms and legs, happy to feel them move at your command despite the hot flush of pain. 

Hange and Commander Erwin arrive shortly after you wake, sitting beside you and keeping you company as you give your report of the mission. They don't miss the way your eyes flicker with shame, guilt reflecting in your eyes for not noticing the danger until it was too late, despite battling the elements. 

You are usually careful once you and your squad are in Titan territory, always on high alert and on the watch for the slightest hint of danger. While it’s not the first time you��ve found yourself on the bad side of luck, the guilt and feelings of failure never seem to lessen. 

“You will be happy to know that everyone survived. They are a bit battered here and there, but your squad will be alright in time. You are the most injured out of everyone, in fact, congrats!” Hange says, amusement and relief shining in their eyes as they watch you sigh, sinking deeper into the frustratingly stiff pillows.

“That is good news, thank you Hange. Not that I don't appreciate you both visiting me, seeing both of your faces certainly helps to brighten my day, when I’m not in trouble or receiving bad news, that is.” 

You hear the two chuckle, despite being friends with Erwin, you have forced his hand enough to be given a few small slaps on the wrist in the past. 

“But where's Levi? I figured he would be here to lecture me on getting injured at the very least.”

Erwin gives you a knowing smile, sitting up in his chair a little straighter, “Don't worry, I’m positive that you won't get away from that lecture. I've already gotten my version from him at least twice now.”

You raise your eyebrow quizzically, you knew of Levi’s frustrations with the mission yet you never figured he would chew Erwin out over it.

Before he has a chance to continue, Hange lets out a loud laugh, desperate to share a fact they know Levi would happily keep to himself.

“Shorty refused to leave your side when you were brought in, even with the medics stating that he was getting in their way. He only left just before you woke up to fetch you some food, claiming you're ‘a damn brat when hungry’.” 

They lower their voice to mimic him while crossing their arms and glaring as they speak. You let out a small, surprised giggle, the action causing you to wince as your ribs protest.

“You know, if anything, he’s probably going to be even more pissed that you decided to wake up after he left,” Hange says with a small wink.

As if on cue, Levi opens the door with one hand, carefully balancing a plate of unusual food on the other.

“I got held up by the damn brats. Braus and Springer found me in the kitchen and decided to take over, wanting to show me a secret they had when it came to making the most out of our shitty reserves or something. I figured there was no harm, those kiddos have been vibrating with nerves ever since they got the news.”

He pauses once he takes in the sight before him, his eyes widen when he finally spots you awake. You give him a warm smile as you see the relief that washes over him. His eyes linger on you briefly before he clears his throat, trying to push down the visible urge to rush over to you despite the small audience. 

“Apparently they have found a way to make eating potatoes for the hundredth time in a row more exciting for them. Didn't bother to share that with the rest of us. They also told me not to share this information with Erwin since they don't want to be lectured on using our reserves for their little experiment.” 

Levi turns to the man in question, ignoring the amusement glinting in Erwin's eyes as Levi’s glare hardens. “I told the kids that the day they get to tell me what to do will be the day all the titans are finally killed, once and for all.”

You can’t help the giggles that erupt from you despite trying to hold back, rapidly dissolving into loud laughter that only grows even more frantic when Hange joins in. Their laughter is even louder as they grasp at their sides, rapidly running out of breath themselves. Tears roll down your cheeks as you try to catch your own breath, bringing a hand to clutch at your tender ribs as each gasp causes the pain to flare angrily. 

“Oi, what’s so funny, you two?” Levi’s displeased voice cuts through the growing chaos, only betrayed by the subtle redness of his ears and the softness of his eyes as he watches you struggle to compose yourself. Hange waves their hand in his direction, yet each time they try to speak, more giggles slip from their lips. 

He scoffs before shoving the plate onto your lap, mindful to avoid your injuries before pulling Hange out of the chair beside your bed and settling down into it, ignoring their cries of protest.

“Hey! I was sat there first, shorty. Erwin!” “Yeah, well I’m sat here now, four-eyes. Don’t you have a titan to go poke? And you,” Levi turns to glare at Erwin, who was simply content to watch his soldiers bicker despite their positions, “don’t you have some paperwork to fill out or something?”

The tall blonde slowly stands from his chair, ushering Hange out of the room alongside him before turning towards you with a kind expression.

“We know when we have overstayed our welcome, we wish you a speedy recovery.”

You give Erwin a small nod before looking down at the food placed on your lap. You notice the thin slices of potato that had been cooked until they were crisped. You glance up at Levi, raising a single eyebrow.

“Don’t ask me, the cadets wanted to make something nice for you. They were worried.”

Once Erwin and Hange can be heard moving further down the medical wing while Hange happily chats the other’s ear off, Levi moves from the chair he had rudely claimed. He nudges you, silently requesting you to shuffle over to give him room on the uncomfortable bed. Once he is settled, you rest your head on his shoulder as he carefully brings his arm around you, protectively pulling you close to his side.

“Just them?”

“Tch, shut up and eat your meal.”

Year 854, now:

Thick clouds of dust begin to settle over the ruined ground, it sticks to your hot skin as you breathe heavily. Silence uncomfortably blankets everyone as they let the moment sink in. You had done it, you had all succeeded. Not that it feels like a success.

Your whole body screams out with each movement you make, you had stopped keeping up with your injuries hours ago, simply having more important things to focus on. The stakes were too high to risk caring for every injury. The adrenalin and fear had kept the pain manageable as you pushed your body to its limits, but now, nothing can help as you try to stifle your whimpers.

You don’t know how to feel, already emotionally and physically past your breaking point. You can hear Armin wail somewhere behind you, the sound is haunting as each scream stabs deep into your heart. You don’t want to turn around; you can’t will yourself to do so. You know you should be there to help comfort everyone, but your body is frozen. You’ve always been good at lending a comforting shoulder to the 104th cadets in the past, but now you doubt that anything you do could bring any peace to them.

With Armin's sobs breaking the tense silence, sound reluctantly returns to the world. The bitter victory has no celebration, only relieved sighs and mourning.

You spot Levi from a distance, perched against a fallen rock. Dark blood slowly oozes out from his extended leg, having been broken multiple times and further injured during the final battle. 

You allow yourself to feel happy, knowing that he will be alright and that you are both alive. 

Your stubborn body unfreezes, despite the pain and exhaustion, allowing you to slowly stumble your way towards him. Your eyes are glued to the destroyed ground as you approach your captain. You take the time to rack your brain of things to say, what can you even say after everything you have both been through? Everything feels too casual, too insignificant compared to the lifelong trauma, both the physical and mental kind, that has been thrust upon you both in the past couple of weeks. You feel selfish for your happiness at his survival, having said too many goodbyes in such a short period. Too many good people have been lost in the twisted war.

“Well, look who showed up…”

Levi’s tired voice stops you in your tracks and your question dies in your throat with a quiet choke when you look up to the crowd now surrounding you. 

They are all there: Erwin, Hange and their squad, Levi’s squad, and the dozens of scouts that had risked everything to get you both where you are now. Your eyes blur with thick tears as you catch Hange’s eye, gazing at you in sadness. You want to scream, to run away, to run up and embrace them. You try to compose yourself, but the tears pour down your cheeks when you see the spirits of your squad smiling at you in pride. 

“Hey boss, you’re looking pretty banged up” The tall redhead of your group approaches, you remember the day he first joined your squad, all smiles and false confidence. Next to him stands his closest friend, you had chosen both of them at the same time, not wishing to split them apart. Next to them is your second in command, a quiet girl with a strong heart.

“Hi Leon, you can say that again. It’s good to see you again… It’s really good to see you all.” Your voice wavers as you take in the sight of them all, you gradually lost them one by one. Some before Eren’s little stunt, some after. Yet each loss hit hard.

“We’re proud of you, we knew you could do it.”

Your team salute you and the captain one last time before joining the others, fading away with a mixture of emotions on their faces. Some are sad to leave you both behind, some are happy to have gotten a final goodbye at last and some are relieved to see you still alive.

You take in a deep breath, willing your bruised heart to slow down before it bursts out of your chest. Your hands feel numb and you feel your body begin to shake as your mind tries to catch up.

“Oi, sit down before you hurt yourself even more. You look like you're about to pass out.” Levi’s voice is void of emotion as his damp eye looks up at you in concern. You sigh before waddling over to him, your body feels like stone as you collapse against the hard rock, being careful to keep a gap between your bodies, not wanting to possibly hurt him.

“I feel like I might, I also feel like I’m about to be sick.” In any other situation, you would laugh at the way his face scrunches up in disgust at the thought.

“If you do that, you better lean the other way. I don’t want to be covered in it.”

You allow yourself to let out an amused scoff, it feels unnatural to laugh as you scoot closer to him to lean your pounding head against his shoulder.

“Aye aye, captain.” You weakly raise your fist to your heart, giving him a lighthearted salute. You hear a small scoff of his own in return. 

“How…how are you doing?” Your whispered words crack as they fall past your lips and you feel him stiffen beside you.

“Good question, you?”

“...Good question, I’m going to go with tired for now.” You can feel your energy quickly fade as black splotches begin to take over your vision, and your body feels light and heavy at the same time.

Levi’s hand brushes your own. He gingerly takes your hand, softly rubbing circles into the back of your hand. “I’m going to need you to control your breathing, you’ve already lost a lot of blood with your current injuries. I need you to stay awake until we can get you sorted. Alright?” 

You give him a non-committal hum in response as you try to keep your eyes open. They feel like lead and you want nothing more than to fade into the warm embrace that sleep would bring. 

Even besides Levi, the panic continues to swirl around you, dancing maliciously with the pain and nausea. A part of you knows that there is no reason to be scared, you won, yet everything is still unknown. Where do you go from here? Can either of you last for much longer in your sorry states?

Before you can get too lost in your mind, a sharp wave of pain rushes through you when Levi gives you a gentle jab with his elbow, his eyebrows are furrowed with worry as you let out a deep grunt.

“I’m serious, don’t you dare fall asleep until we know you’re in the clear. Do you hear me?”

His words are harsh and yet you can hear the frantic worry that's hidden just below the surface. You want to reply, to tease him for his worry, just like old times, but when you go to open your mouth, you feel as if you are miles away. The world grows darker and the part of you that's not overwhelmed with panic feels guilty for the added stress now thrown onto Levi.

Light chatter surrounds you when you open your eyes, you squint as the harsh sunlight invades your vision. You can feel a thin blanket covering your body and a stiff pillow supporting your head; you feel groggy as you try to take in your surroundings and you mumble incoherently. The chatter dies instantly, a blurry head popping up in your light of sight, blocking the sunlight peaking through the medical tent flap.

“Captain Levi, they’re awake!” Connie’s voice booms through the small, cramped tent. You wince as his voice pierces through your skull, causing it to pound angrily. You had hoped you could sleep through the worst of your injuries, but you have never had the best luck.

“We can see that, quiet down.” Levi’s voice causes your heart to lighten. You groan as you bring yourself to sit up within the medical cot, Levi’s hands holding onto you tightly as he helps guide your stubborn self into a comfortable sitting position.

Connie is hovering nervously by the side of your bed, while Jean and Armin are sitting on the floor nearby. Levi has claimed the singular chair within the tent, placing it as close to the cot as possible. His leg has been wrapped up in bandages once more while his old ones have been replaced with clean ones. You scan his body for any more serious injuries, relaxing when nothing new stands out.

“Hey, I’m alright. We’re all okay.” Levi gives you a knowing look as the rest of the group nods in reassurance.

“Mikasa has already left…She wanted to leave with Eren before…They wouldn’t have given him a decent burial here.” Jean says awkwardly, unsure of what to say or how to say it.

“Way to make things depressing, Jean.”

“Alright, how would you have told them, Connie? I would love to know.”

“Enough, don’t start, you two.” The pair stiffen as Levi’s gruff voice cuts their bickering short.

“Sorry, captain.”

You watch the shenanigans in amusement, your eyes shining with more tears as you take the moment in. They are all okay, they will be okay. The gloom that surrounds you all begins to vanish as a new form of normalcy tries to settle in. 

Levi gives them a stern look before slowly standing from his chair. You watch as he grits his teeth, doing his best to keep his mask of nonchalance firmly in place despite the agony he feels. 

“What are you doing?”

“What do you think? I’m going to find you something to eat. You’ve been asleep for hours and I know you haven’t managed to eat much during all the bullshit.” “Levi…” “What? You’re a damn brat when hungry, it’s more for our sake than yours.” You can’t help the smile that finds its way onto your face despite your concern. You can hear the others snicker, trying to stifle their amusement before he turns on them as well. 

“Oh, captain. It’s alright, please sit down.” Armin rushes up to Levi, his hands hovering before him as if he’s scared to try and place them upon Levi. After a moment of uncertainty, Armin proceeds to gently help Levi sit back down. Your heart warms as you watch Levi reluctantly accept their help without any pushback.

“Connie has already sorted out the snacks,” Armin explains in response to Levi’s questioning glare.

“Yeah, I found a basket of fruit and sandwiches that everyone had put together when we made the camp. Before anyone says anything, I know it’s bad considering…yeah…but I managed to swipe a few for us.”

You thank Connie as he tosses a slightly squashed sandwich in your direction, not realising just how hungry you are as you bite into it. You feel Levi’s hand grasp yours as he slowly eats his own. A peaceful silence falls over the tent, only to be quickly broken.

“Hey, Armin. That was pretty brave of you, y’know.” Connie’s loud whispering catches the attention of everyone as you all slowly turn to watch the pair. Armin raises his eyebrows, confusion plastered clearly on his face.

“Telling the captain what to do like that. I’d have fainted if I were in your shoes.” “Well…” Armin takes a moment to consider his words, a playful gleam in his eyes.

“Remember 4 years ago? He did say we could tell him what to do when all the titans were dead.”

Your eyes widen as your shoulders begin to shake with restrained laughter. Jean and Connie are frozen in shock as Levi lets out a loud groan.

“I was hoping you kids had forgotten that, don’t get cocky.”

You don’t miss the way his voice softens as the group's playful behaviour sinks in. You squeeze his hand, receiving a light squeeze in return when you shuffle to lean closer to him.

His voice is low, just loud enough for you to make out his whispered words. 

“I think we’re going to be alright.”

“Yeah, I think we will be.”

[levi-my-beloved]

real growth as a writer comes from realising that instead of saying "a fond smile pulled at the corner of her lips" you can simply say "smiling fondly" and be okay with it...

two years ago i would have shot myself for that

#essa's shenanigans #not back but just chillin' #writing a book how fun is that

[levi-my-beloved]

The Ackerbond Chapter 6: The Ackerbond Divides

Pairing: Canon!Levi x F!Reader

Warnings: SMUT, honestly might just leave that as is but uh yeah SMUT, couples fighting™️, honestly I wrote so much of this so long ago I don't remember but like violence and stuff I'm pretty sure,

A/N: i have nothing but apologies to offer and maybe some updates like I graduated... yaaaaaaay....... that and I've been obsessed with a promiscuous pansexual vampire twink since august iykyk

oh also also, sorry for the millions of mistakes that this is likely riddled with <3

Taglist: @levmada @awesomeness1679 @purplecandygerl @iam-thevillain-of-thisstory @pluvio-pluto @midnightbarnes97 @aresclouds @imkumichan @xxpadfootxx @cmjh3 @justa19 @notgoodforlife @leviackermanmyhero245 @kaea-peverall @jakillski @macaronnv @natalie-skz @oldtownwonderland @snailsposts @lunardeiity @clusiesuzie @hi-imkaiya @isabellawigginss @ackermandick @orionsalos @disaster-writer @temariskadi @nariko1989 @elizaack @dixie-chick @death-by-bullseye @leviackermanst @poisonpeche @arcticcashew @feelingsandemotionsnotexplored @littleagxs @wall-maria-fritz

Annie Leonhart. That was her name. One of the 104th cadets who chose the Military Police. That was the girl who ripped your family away from you. Just one girl. Fuck’s sake. You’d barely had time to recover after losing your family. But whilst the devil works hard, Erwin Smith works harder, already having an idea as to who the Titan was, and also a plan as to how to capture her.

And it had almost worked without consequence. Almost. But Annie was smarter than you all realised, and transformed before Armin could convince her underground. You’d been ordered to stay out of combat, by both Erwin and Levi. But so many were dying… so many were getting between the Scouts and their target that you didn’t have a choice. You didn’t do much, just scoop civilians out of the way, as many as you could. Though your body now screamed at you for it. 

Worth it. 

You stood before your enemy’s crystal. How could she look so peaceful after what she did? After the thousands she murdered. How could she look so damn content? You grit your teeth, molars grinding against molars. So much had happened as a result of the conflict.

Like a fucking Titan in the wall. You’d all seen it before Pastor Nick came running up. What the hell that sleazy holy man had been keeping from you, you were sure Hange could get it out of him. They were good at that sort of thing. 

Light footsteps echoed in the cellar. Not that you needed footsteps to tell when he was nearing you. You knew from the feeling alone. There was a tangible moment of silence before either of you spoke.

“I know.”

Levi quirked a brow, stepping up beside you. Unlike you, he wasn’t in uniform. The damage to his leg was worse than any of you realised, and he’d too been ordered to recover. “I didn’t even say anything.” 

A gentle scoff flew from your lips, your eyes sliding from Annie to Levi. “You didn’t need to. I could tell by your vibes.” 

It was Levi’s turn to laugh slightly, his arm wrapping around your side, keeping you near him. He knew what you were thinking. Could hear your thoughts from the other side of the damn city. You had yet to test the range of the bond, but it was nice to know it was further than just the barracks or however far away you were on the 57th. Staying silent, he waited for you to continue. 

“She took everything, and she just gets to sleep. How is that fair…?” You asked quietly, fighting tooth and nail to keep your brewing tears from sliding down your face. “And we’re left with more questions than answers even after capturing the bitch. We got nothing out of this. And Eld, he…” you trailed off, not quite able to voice the fact that his death was fruitless. All of theirs were. Petra, Gunther, Oluo… they all died for nothing. 

“No. He didn’t,” Levi tilted your head to face him with a finger beneath your chin, “we give their deaths meaning. You know that’s why we fight.” It was a conversation you’d had many times before, and even before you two were together. When caught up in the seemingly endless parade of grief, he would pull you out and give you something to fight for. 

“Yeah. I know…” was all you could say, looking back to the blonde. But Levi wasn’t having any of it, once again turning your head back to face him. You rolled your eyes, but couldn’t stop a smile from pulling at your lips. Always so persistent. “I’ll try to stop thinking about it, okay?” You bargained, earning yourself a sweet kiss on your forehead.

“Good. I’ll know if you don’t.” 

“How much time do you spend in my head?”

“Pretty much all of it.”

You couldn’t even be mad. You knew his own was just as haunted as yours. Maybe you would find equal solace in his mind as he did in yours. It was worth a shot. Not now, not yet, but sometime. 

Having not even noticed he’d led you away and back up the stairs, you were snapped out of your dark reverie by Hange approaching and looking uncharacteristically grim. 

“No luck?” you asked before they’d even spoken. Shaking their head, Hange sighed heavily. They looked more exhausted than you’d ever seen them, even after all-nighter Titan experiments they didn’t look this rough. 

“Not a damn thing. We’ve sent various messengers to outposts within Wall Rose territory. ” You hoped that meant Nanaba would be prepared. You hadn’t even had the chance to say goodbye before she rode off with the 104th. You guessed it made sense to keep them all separated just in case but you couldn’t help but curse the circumstances.

Fuck this week. 

It had been mere hours since the messenger came through, screaming about how Titans had somehow breached another fucking wall, and you could all only assume the Colossal or Armoured would have been the ones to do it. This was too much of a coincidence. You capture the Female, and all of a sudden there’s another breach? They had to be related. 

“Did Annie have any close friends within the 104th? Like, people she would often hang out with…?” you asked slowly, only now making the connection. And it seemed Hange was on the same wavelength. 

“I’ve already asked for a background check on her, should be with me within the next few days.” 

“Oh yeah, Erwin’s theory. If the Colossal and Armoured Titans are shifters too, it makes sense they would also be in the 104th.” Levi murmured, watching the exchange between you and Hange with something you knew was slight awe. Your brain had always been fast, but watching it paired with Hange’s was a spectacle to witness. It had him wondering just how many people you could silently communicate with.

–Just you. Don’t get jealous again.–

–The fact you can have a conversation out loud and also have one in your head simultaneously is fucking terrifying.–

He heard your snort in his mind, still watching you talk with Hange.

–It’s a gift.–

“So what can we do?” You asked Hange, trying not to send a smirk Levi’s way. It didn’t matter, he could feel your amusement anyway.

“We’re heading to Ehrmich District, Pastor Nick’s coming too and we’re taking Eren, Armin, and Mikasa with us.” They explained. You hadn’t really interacted with Armin or Mikasa all that much, but you knew the girl was an Ackerman. It could be a good opportunity to see if she had any insight into your situation with Levi, or if she feels something similar toward Eren. It was obvious enough she’d completely fallen in love with the boy, and since she shared a last name with Levi, maybe there was something there too?

Honestly, you were speculating.

–Don’t expect much from her. She wants me dead.–

–You beat the shit out of the man she loves, you’d be the same if someone kicked my tooth out.–

–...Understandable.–

“And you want us to come with you? Why?” you asked, once again refraining from looking at the man to your left. Which, you’d recently discovered, was almost impossible.

“Babysitting duty!” they informed you, way too cheerily. “I’ll be taking a group to look for the breach and since you're both off active duty for now, I thought it could be a cute couple’s activity to keep an eye on our Pastor.” 

You have never wanted to die more in your life than in this very moment. Were they fucking serious? Babysitting?

“I hate you–”

“So fucking much.” Levi finished, and you both looked at each other, knowing you just made it one thousand times worse by finishing each other’s sentence.

“See? You’re like a married couple already! Plus it’s Erwin’s orders so you can’t back out.” They clapped their hands together excitedly, looking between you as if they were witnessing a proposal. You were surprised how they could be so ecstatic considering the last few days, but Hange was always good at masking grief with insanity. You were glad you knew them so well.

“When are we heading out?” you asked, your voice completely monotone. If you were being completely honest with yourself, you knew you weren’t capable of just sitting and waiting to hear news. You knew Hange had done this for you because though the two of you were completely different, you had your similarities.

Like being unable to stay out of battle, for example. 

As for Levi, he was more sensible than the two of you combined. You knew he wasn’t being dragged along for your benefit alone, but you still appreciated it. Not that he would have stayed somewhere without you. Not yet anyway. The idea of being alone so soon just… he couldn’t.

“Sundown,” they confirmed, running a hand through their hair. “I have a few things to get done before then, but that should give me just enough time.” 

You placed a hand on your hip, clearly about to be here talking for longer than you were expecting to. “Oh? Like what?”

“I have a few tests to run,” you narrowed your eyes at them. “No! No, not on Eren, he’s still exhausted. On something else actually. I have a theory about that Titan crystal that I want to confirm before we leave.”

You nodded thoughtfully. There had been way too many firsts recently. The discovery of a possible four shifters within the 104th cadet corps, Titans in the walls, and now another fucking breach. And you had a terrible feeling this was just the beginning.

–I know.–

As per usual, Levi’s voice brought you no small degree of comfort. This time, you didn’t refrain from looking at him, a soft, grateful smile pulling at your lips. How any single person could be so fucking perfect, you would never know.

–Stop.–

–Hmm. Make me.–

–You’re ridiculous.–

–You’re hot.–

The next look Levi sent you was nothing short of withering as if he’d already grown tired of your bullshit. Which seemed impossible. He loved your bullshit!

–No, I really don’t.–

–Wait… really?– You asked, with a hint of genuine concern. 

Levi paused for a moment. Were you actually worried, or were you just trying to get him to admit that he actually did enjoy your bullshit? 

–...maybe sometimes.–

–HA! Knew it!– you responded, far too smugly for his liking. He suppressed the urge to sweep your leg. If only his own wasn’t badly injured…

“So, how does all of this work?”

You both snapped back to look at Hange, who you’d completely forgotten was there. It wasn’t the first time you’d been so caught up in your little mental conversation that you forgot about the verbal ones, but this was on a whole other level. Hange was right there, and you’d both just ignored them in favour of having your own private little chat.

“What uh– like uh, how does uhm– like– what do you, like, mean?”

–That was possibly one of the greatest butt-fumbles of a question you’ve ever asked.–

–Did you just say butt-fumble?!–

–Concentrate. Hange’s answering.–

–Oh shi- – 

“Well, everyone and their mother, dead or alive, can tell that there’s something deeper here. Deeper than your average cute lil’ relationship, I mean.”

“I will cut you and it will hurt.” 

It took you a minute to figure out who’d said that between you and Levi, having had the exact same thought.

Or was that a thought of his? It was getting hard to tell now. 

“Come on now Levi, ever since we caught your two cuddling on the floor–”

“I was bleeding out!” You protested with indignance. Honestly, Nanaba and Nifa had not stopped talking about that. You almost fucking died!

“An insignificant detail. But a few things have been running through my mind, the first being how could you,” they pointed to Levi, who looked ready to commit arson, “have possibly known she had blown her stitches?”

“I’m right fucking here…” you muttered, causing Levi to snort in your head.

“There was no way she could have told you, and nobody had entered her room since you had to kick the door in. Not only this but there was that day in the field too! We were mid-conversation and you just suddenly took off! Next thing I hear you’d managed to save her life,”

“I’m still right fucking here.” 

“So, how does this all work? Because you can’t be human with the things you’re able to do–”

“What?”

“–and he always manages to save your ass even when he didn’t know it needed saving five seconds beforehand!”

The air around you fell completely silent. You didn’t even begin to question how Hange had managed to work this much out already, because of course they did. This shouldn’t have come as such a surprise if you were being honest, and yet here you were, stunned into silence. 

Levi too found himself mentally floundering for a logical explanation. Because how the fuck would he explain how the bond between you worked when he himself barely knew. He could feel your pain, your pleasure, your emotions. He could see glimpses into a future where, had he failed, you died. Not to mention the fact you could both access a shared space within your combined souls where you couldn’t feel each other and that space could be morphed and crafted into anything. It could be a little cabin for just the two of you, or a giant open field with a lake like it was the first time. But no matter where you were, that glowing tree of pure light was always there. Always.

“What’s your theory?”

Levi turned to you, wide-eyed. Was this it? Were you about to tell them everything? How the bond worked, how it started, and how it’s going now?

Hange’s eyes glinted with newfound enthusiasm. You’d made it into a little game, and they’d picked up on it. It was obvious enough that something was going on between you and Levi, and they had so far guessed right, that this something wasn’t just surface level, and ran so much deeper than anybody could see. 

–Are you out of your fucking mind?–

You almost laughed aloud at the panic in Levi’s voice.

–Just trust me, okay?–

–If Four-eyes ends up running experiments on me, I will never forgive you–

Mischief radiated from the part of his soul that was occupied by you, and he grit his teeth. Fuck’s sake.

“My theory? Well, I haven’t had the time to properly work anything out, but I think Shorty here can do more than he lets on, but of course, you already know that, don’t you?” 

You held up your hands in innocence. “I’m not saying anything until I hear what you think is going on,” you countered, rather enjoying this new game you’d started, even if you knew it stressed the fuck out of your little soulbond. He would be totally fine… no real harm could come from Hange knowing a little more about your relationship. 

You were almost certain.

“Okay so what if, we know Levi has more than human abilities when it comes to fighting, so what if he had more than human abilities when it comes to love? What if his fighting skill wasn’t the only thing he excelled at. What if communication was something he could do on an insane level too?”

“That's ridiculous–”

“I’m listening…”

These synchronised responses were a tad suspicious, you would admit. And yet it only seemed to further Hange’s excitement in the two of you.

“Okay so! What if, hear me out, he could communicate with you, on like, another level…?”

–How crazy would that be?– Well that made it borderline impossible not to snort in Hange’s face.

–Levi…?–

–Mm?–

–Not helpful.–

“Like, how do you mean?” You were more than happy to bite. More than happy to entertain this with the slightest hint of sarcasm, hoping that would throw them slightly. Conversational politics, something you’d learned from Erwin many years ago. And though you still stand by the fact you weren’t brave enough for politics, it was still nice to use all that he’d taught you when he was your captain.

“So, and bear with me here, what if he could somehow communicate with you without anyone else hearing. Like, in your head or something?”

Your eyes widened slightly. Oh fuck, they really did have a lot figured out, didn’t they? You stared at them for a moment, both hearing and feeling Levi freak the fuck out. This wasn’t exactly how you were expecting this conversation to go…

“Hange…?

They looked at you like a puppy faced with a bone. “Yeah?”

You paused.

“That’s fucking ridiculous.” You flatlined, before subtly kicking Levi’s foot and walking away without another word. It wasn’t that you enjoyed watching the misplaced hype fade from their eyes, but when it came to something so secret and special as the bond between you and your soulmate, you didn’t mind letting them down a few times. 

Levi followed you, and if he didn’t love you so damn much, he probably would have killed you for pulling a stunt like that. But there was something about the confident way you walked, the slight swing in your hips like you knew he was watching you. 

–Of course I know… and we have a few hours before Hange wants us on that cart…– he knew that tone in your voice. That slightly sultry cadence drove him batshit crazy and worst of all, you knew it drove him insane.

–...What did you have in mind?–

Levi’s back hit the door to his office with a solid thud, the sound of the sliding lock securing his arousal as you pinned his arms above his head with your threaded fingers. If his mouth was free, he would have whimpered along with the shot of heat running through his spine. But with your tongue thrust down his throat, he could only manage a choked squeak of approval. He fucking loved it when you were bold like this. When you took control. When you slammed him against the wall and made him forget his own damn name. 

Combined moans danced with each other when you forced your leg between his thighs, applying delicious pressure to the borderline painful strain against the front of his slacks. You were rabid, vicious, desperate with your other hand, ripping his jacket from his shoulders. Your mouth travelled from his tongue to his jaw, setting his voice free from the confines of his throat, breathy gasps flying from parted lips. You nipped and bit with tongue and teeth, sharply pinching down the side of his neck, a particularly sensitive weakness. 

“Sh-shit, someone’s ea-AH! Fuck! Eager,” you interrupted him with a bite to the spot just behind his ear. That paired with the bold grasp of his clothed cock after tearing his jacket off sent his brain short circuiting. 

You didn’t know where this sudden craving for his body came from. Sure, you always wanted to fuck him, you didn’t think there was a minute in a day where you couldn’t happily discard your clothes for him if he asked, but where this specific craving came from, you weren’t entirely sure. You just had the sudden urge to shove his dick in your mouth.

“Fuck, you can’t think shit like that… n-not when-ngh, not when I can-n still hear it.” You stifled your heated chuckle by sucking a bruise into the side of his neck, groaning along with him when your cunt throbbed. You hadn’t even thought about the idea of pleasuring yourself purely by pleasuring him, but now that seed had been planted in your head, you were definitely going to abuse the power the moment the chance arose. 

“Keep your hands up,” you instructed, threading your fingers out from his grasp. To your surprise, he actually obeyed for once, his palms now flat against the door behind him as you tore his shirt out from where he’d tucked it into his pants. You didn’t even bother to undo the buttons, just shoved it up his stomach until you had access to his peaked nipples, flicking and pinching until he cried out and your eyes rolled, once again latching onto his neck. 

Levi knew you’d left a mark he wouldn’t be able to cover up easily, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care right now. Now when all he could do was rake his nails down the wood behind him as you started to travel down his chest, skipping his covered collarbones. A small mercy, but a mercy nonetheless. 

Now you had the freedom to, you couldn’t count how many purple blossoms you’d suckled into pecs, crescent bite marks flushing pink against his pale skin, pebbled nipples now sensitive and raw. You popped one into your mouth, gripping his waist with one hand when you felt his crowing pleasure as your own. It was impossible to stem the constant thrumming of your clit when the tip of his cock kept rubbing against the front of his seam. Levi bucked his hips impatiently as you slowed down the pace of your actions, licking a hard line from his naval up to the centre of his chest. Having to hold his shirt up was getting frustrating, restricting the use of both your hands. You’d almost abandoned his chest completely, before a wicked idea sprouted in your mind.

Levi could feel it, the sudden spark of mischief in your heart, and before he could even truly decipher what it was you had planned, you stood back up and shoved the bottom of his shirt between his teeth, gagging his keening moans. You took a small step back, just to admire his appearance. Flushed all over, painted black and blue by your teeth, rosy pink dusting his cheeks and sweat dripping down the side of his pinched brows. A new painting, you thought to yourself.

–Come. On–

You grinned. Even in your head he sounded as desperate as he looked. Though you could feel it too, the tightening coil of arousal. But toying with him has become one of your favourite pastimes. “I’m just admiring the view, you look fucking delicious ‘Vi.”

Despite his current situation, he still managed to roll his eyes. –I’m not above getting myself off if you don’t hurry up–

Oh. Oh that was a mistake. He knew the moment your eyes lit up and his cock throbbed as an echo of your own pussy. 

You stepped back up to him, keeping searing eye contact as your fingers deftly unhooked his belt and slowly pulled down the front of his zipper. “Yeah? Show me then.” 

There was nothing he could do against the dare in your voice, and especially not as you reached into his briefs, pulling out his desperately soaking cock. He watched you bite your cheek at the first brush of your hand, your lips parting as you couldn’t help but pump him slightly, too lost in your own growing pleasure. 

Levi arched his back off the door behind him and into your loose fist, forgetting all about your little challenge when your thumb circled his head, your cheek falling against his shoulder. It was all he could do to remember to breathe through the now sodden shirt clamped between his teeth, ragged gasps fueling your movements. 

His voice cracked as you squeezed the base of his shaft, eyes screwed closed and hands balling tight. 

“Not yet…” you panted against his neck, before setting him free completely and walking backwards until your thighs hit the desk behind you. From here, you removed your own belt, pulling down your pants and underwear in one motion. Levi didn’t know what you had planned, but his eyes instantly honed in on your soaking cunt the moment you hopped up onto the desk and spread yourself for him. 

“I want you to watch my pussy throb around nothing as you fuck yourself with your fist. And before you ask, no I won’t be touching myself.”

Levi almost came there and then. That had to have been the single hottest thing you’d ever said to him. Though the idea was cruel, the tip of his cock leaked at the idea. 

–Fuck… you’re serious?–

“Completely.”

–Do I have to keep this fucking thing in my mouth?–

“You want me to find something else to gag you with?” The idea of stuffing your underwear in his mouth did spring to mind, but it was too much of a hassle to take your boots off. Plus, it was so much hotter this way, you got to see the extent of what your previous administrations did to his chest.

–Shit, okay… can I use both hands?–

“Nope. Just one.”

–Fuck you’re cruel today–

“You gonna keep me waiting?”

With a huff of indignance, Levi left one of his hands to claw at the wood behind him, the other coming down to clasp his aching cock. You both moaned in unison, every stroke down his shaft feeling like he was inside you, your walls fluttering against nothing. 

You’d instructed him to watch your cunt, something he thought he could do with ease, but when he grasped his dripping head and swirled his thumb around his tip, he fought tooth and nail against the instinct to throw his head back. 

You, on the other hand, did no such thing. “Fuck ‘Vi… like that. Oh shit, feels… fuck that feels good,” you breathed, feeling your clit pulse with a phantom touch. You still had every intention of sucking him off, but for now you just wanted to feel, content to keen and writhe as you relished every languid pump of his cock.

Every instinct was screaming at him to cross the room and bury himself deep inside your walls, seeing you so wet and ready for him. But he would be good today. This was something new that neither of you had thought of before, and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying it more than he thought he would. He watched you gush, your hips lifting off the desk as his hand applied pressure, sparking another cracked moan from his barred lips. 

Before, the idea of getting himself off was never really appealing. It was only since this had started did he actively enjoy it, most likely because he knew you were feeling good too. So, with newfound courage, Levi ran his thumb down the vein on the underside of his shaft, crying out with the sharp spike of euphoria in his blood. 

You obviously weren’t unaffected. “Yes! Fuh–ahaah! Fuck…! Ag-again!” 

He was yours to command, and so complied with your wish, once again thumbing down the sensitive vein. A sob wracked from his chest, bringing your back to reality.

–Please! I… I can’t fucking- NGH! Please…!– 

“Y-you want my f-ah! Want my fingers?” you asked, throwing your previous promise of not touching yourself out the window. 

Levi’s hair bounced with a vigorous nod, only now craving that toe-curling sensation he felt when you hit that particularly sensitive spot inside you. 

You made a show of sucking on your fingers, eyes still rolling as he continued to pleasure you both, before slowly pushing them through your folds. Levi’s gasp blended into a high pitched sob as you teased your own cunt. He’d actually been the one to help you find your g-spot, instructing you through heavy lashes until he too was keening. You could find it without much effort now, and when you finally pushed against it, Levi let his shirt fall.

“NGHA-HAAH! Shit! Oh fuck fuck FUCK!” You didn’t say anything when the back of his head hit the door, eyes screwed shut again as he desperately bucked his hips into his fist, picturing your pussy sucking him in. Neither of you had had the time to explore where in him you could tease until he went cross eyed, finding the same result this way. But he knew you wanted to, and deep down, he knew he wanted to too. Nothing had ever felt this good. 

Goosebumps started to prickle your skin as you curled your fingers, his wanton cries an orchestra to your performance. Though this wasn’t exactly what you had in mind when you’d provoked him earlier, this was so much better. The room became a symphony of ecstasy, neither of you able to voice anything other than pure, unadulterated pleasure. 

You stilled your fingers at the same moment Levi stilled his hand, looking at each other with nothing but burning desire, both of you heaving for oxygen.

“You let the shirt fall…” you rasped, voice slightly raw. Levi opened his mouth to reply, but just at that moment you curled your fingers inside yourself again, sending him back into a stuttering, moaning mess.

“I– ah-haah! W-wasn’t my fault!” It wasn’t the attitudinal retort he wanted to have, but that seemed impossible when you were still inadvertently fucking him. 

Sliding your fingers from your cunt, you both sighed slightly at the loss, before you finally took the time to remove your boots, pulling your pants and underwear off completely. 

Levi stood still against the door, catching his breath for a moment. Neither of you had come yet, likely making this the longest you have lasted in each other’s presence. Hopping off the desk, Levi watched as your hips swing with each step towards him, and when you held out your hand, he willingly took your wrist, lapping up your tacky slick from your fingers. 

You removed them from his tongue’s reach, replacing them with your own mouth as you kissed him hard. You felt him shiver as you once again grasped his cock, your eyes fluttering as you finally sank to your knees before him. He could barely stand to look at you, all of a sudden so submissive before him, and the moment you wrapped your lips around his tip, vibrations caressing his head from your own moaning, his head once again hit the door. 

“Fuuuuuck… like that… just l-like that, shit…!” your tongue caressed his frenulum, hand twisting and pumping around what couldn’t fit in your mouth. Your eyes closed as your highs approached, having kept them from another for far too long. Hollowing your cheeks, you sucked against his tip hard, drawing a staggered whimper from his chest. “C-cum!! Gonna cum, fuck! G…gah-ah! Gonna fucking cum…!” 

Your nails dug crescents into the milky skin of his waist, knowing the maintenance of your movements will bring you both crashing over the edge. And the moment Levi’s hands threaded through your hair and his hips bucked bruisingly into your mouth, you cried out around his cock as your high hit you, his spilling cum hitting the back of your throat.

Having lost control of his body, Levi’s back bowed in a steep arch, barely able to intake a gasp of breath before pure euphoria injected into his veins, balls tightening before releasing down your throat in sharp spikes of ecstasy. He vaguely registered you too hitting your high, the slight pain from your nails only heightening his pleasure. A long, pitched wail flew past his lips, thighs shaking as he fought to stay on his feet, his muscles having turned to liquid honey.

Caught up in the throes of your orgasm, your nose brushed the coarse hairs on his shuddering naval, having fallen forward without much care for his cock shoving further down your throat. Levi hissed as you whined around his overly-sensitive member, still twitching in the confines of your mouth, before gently moving your head back, setting you both free. 

You chuckled softly, resting your forehead against his thigh as you both basked in the afterglow, taking a moment to catch your breaths, your thumb smoothing over the red marks you’d left around his waist, shivering slightly as you felt them burn into your own skin. 

“Where… the hell… did that come from?” Levi breathed, his fingers curling through your hair, gently massaging against your scalp. Sex between you two was good. He was never going to deny that. The whole feeling each other thing was fucking incredible, but there was something about you ordering him to watch you cunt and get off to it that almost made him harden again. 

“Not too sure to be honest… but I wanna experiment a bit with it…”

“Tch, you sound like Hange.” 

The breath of your laughter huffed against his thigh, and it was only now did he realise that there really wasn’t a lot of mess to clean up, since he’d finished down your throat. The only real mess there was currently dripped from between your thighs, and it took all the power in his blood not to drop to the floor and clean you with his tongue.

“Wish we had the time…” you responded to the thought, shakily rising to your feet, your legs feeling weak both from kneeling and cumming your brains out. Levi thread his hands through his hair, sighing in blissful relief, only opening his eyes when he felt your thumb against the tender spot on the side of his neck, testing the bruise he knew you were looking at.

“Is it bad?”

“Uhm…” your voice was too pitched for his liking, eyes narrowing at your sheepish expression. “It’s… you have any scarfs…?” 

Levi sighed heavily. He couldn’t be mad, not when every high you gave him was better than the previous one, but he did start to question your motives.

“I am not being possessive! I just get carried away sometimes, we both know that.” You pouted, pushing off him and crossing the room back towards your clothes. He wasn’t letting you get away with this though, not so easily. Stuffing himself back into his briefs and zipping up his slacks, Levi couldn’t be bothered to tuck his shirt back in before reaching you in two broad strides, wrapping his arms around your half naked waist and sucking a deep, biting bruise into the exact same spot on your own neck, making a twin to the now fading one on the other side. 

You instantly melted into his touch, gasping lightly as you felt his teeth sink into your skin. A drunk smile pulled at your lips, your brain hazing for a moment, before he stopped suckling and pressed another, lighter kiss against your jaw. 

“There. Now we’re even.”

“Not nearly, I still have this one.” you didn’t sound as put together as you would have liked, but the mere thought seemed impossible when you could feel him smiling against your neck. 

It hit you like a punch from a Titan there and then. A singular thought that could ruin hundreds of moments. They wouldn’t get this. None of them would. They would never be able to experience something like this again. Why was it so right that you did? Grief constricted your breathing to the point where you pulled away from him, wordlessly tugging your clothes back on.

And of course, Levi knew what had happened. Knew exactly what you were thinking. He could hear it loud and clear in his own head. With everything that had happened lately, you hadn’t had the time to process your sorrow. Over the last two or three days, Levi had found himself awoken by your presence trying to make a home in his mind, terrified of your own. You didn’t want to be there, still tormented by guilt and hollowed sorrow. 

“Sorry…” you mumbled, running an exhausted hand through your slightly sweaty hair. “Ruined it, right?” you couldn’t help offering him a melancholy and sheepish smile, now feeling guilty for ruining what was a really nice moment between the two of you. Though the mask dropped when you felt a phantom warmth descend around you. Levi knew you didn’t always like to be physically comforted, but he could still give you the feeling without touching you.

“Never.” he responded gently, reaching his hand out slightly apprehensively, waiting to see if you would shy away or accept the offer. And to his relief, you pressed your arm into his open hand, letting him guide you into his embrace. He knew this had been particularly tough on you. Though his squad was his family too, he still had Hange and Erwin. But you’d never bonded with them as much as you had with your departed friends. They were your family, he knew that. “You’re okay.”

You wanted to nod, but you couldn’t lie to him. You weren’t, but you had to be. You didn’t have a choice right now. These brief moments of weakness were all you were permitting yourself. Anything more and you would take it too far, losing control of your emotions and slipping back into that state Levi had to drag you out from. You wouldn’t put him through that again. It wasn’t fair. 

“I just, I miss them so fucking much.” The tears you shed now weren’t ones of pleasure, but of pain. Of mourning the loss of time to mourn your family properly. He knew. Of course he knew. He would always know. But there was something so heartbreaking about hearing you admit it out loud.  

“It’s bad today, isn’t it?” He asked, softly placing his head atop your own in a successful attempt to bring you comfort, if the way you buried your face into his bruised neck was anything to judge by. 

–Yeah–

You were too afraid your voice would crack if you said anything out loud anymore, wanting more than anything to sink into his skin and disappear from the world, to let his half of your soul consume you and keep you. It hurt to breathe, knowing that they would never breathe again. It hurt to smile and laugh. It hurt to love as deeply as you do now. 

–I know, I know– 

Levi’s voice filled your head, fighting back those thoughts of your undeserved survival. You didn’t think you’d need to hear the reasons to fight again so soon after he uttered them not so long ago, but he was right. It was bad today. Maybe that was why you had him against the door like that, but the idea of using him as a distraction was even worse.

–You know that doesn’t matter to me–

Yes, you knew, but it didn’t help. Letting yourself feel would help, but you didn’t have the time. Neither of you did. And with the news of the recent breach… you didn’t know when you would have the time. And with your injuries, you couldn’t keep yourself busy. You couldn’t ride out with your comrades in this state. You were fucking useless. She was right, this whole time. You’d let your family die, you’re too weak to fight. You hadn’t thought about her in a while, but your grandmother was right. 

“Enough.”

All thoughts in your head ceased. 

Levi used a tone that he knew would get you to shut up, a tone he knew would grind your spiral to a complete halt. Because though it was soft, it was stony. It was a command from your Captain and an order from your bond. 

“Shit… yeah, sorry.” you drew in a slow, deep breath, feeling Levi assist to calm your accelerating heartbeat. When the time would come, you weren’t sure, but you were sure that it wasn’t now. You would get to mourn them, just not yet. 

Drawing you from his chest, Levi cupped your face with both hands, smoothing away the remains of tears beneath your eyes and down your cheeks with his thumbs. “Alright?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m okay. Thanks,” you reassured, though your lover didn’t look convinced. 

“You have to let yourself be happy…” 

“Damn, and that’s coming from you.” 

Though it was a low blow, Levi was just relieved you were back to your old self somewhat. Under any other circumstance, he would have at least attempted to hide his soft smile, would have tried to feign irritation. But he couldn’t find it in himself. “Oi, I’m trying, okay?” 

Maybe he could feign a little irritation. Just a little.

You huffed a light chuckle, placing one of your palms atop his scarred knuckles. “Guess we both have to try a little harder.” Pressing your lips to his, you sealed the promise, nothing but love now radiating from your mind. It settled his heart, a kiss of a different passion. No heat, just purity. 

Fuck did he love you. And he would tell you one day, with his words, not just his thoughts.

“There’s no rush.” He felt you were unable to say that with complete honesty. There was always the constant pressure of time breathing down your necks. The unforeseeable future where one of you, or maybe even both of you, may be dead without ever getting to hear those words. 

Like pulling a thread, Levi chased a memory he’d all but forgotten until now. “Do. Not. Lose. Her.”

“Who told you that?” You asked, quirking an intrigued brow. 

“Honestly? Not sure. But it’s the second time I heard it when pulling you from your weird mind lake thing.”

“Hey!”

Levi smirked briefly at your offended façade, before resuming recounting what had happened from his perspective, now you could both talk about it without reopening any wounds. “The door between my head and the bond, it wouldn’t open. I couldn’t get to you. This voice told me to break it,” he turned to lean back against the desk just as you hopped atop it, crossing your ankles.

“What did they sound like?”

“Fucking patronising.”

You snorted. Only Levi would have said something like that about a disembodied voice he couldn’t identify. “Idiot, I meant like, how old? Where from? Did he have an accent like that Sasha girl?”

“Sasha has an accent?”

“Sometimes, though I haven’t really heard her speak much, there's a certain lilt to her voice.” It reminded you of the way Oluo used to speak, before he saw Levi as his new religion and changed his entire image. That first day was hilarious.

Fuck.

“No, she doesn’t have an accent.” He continued, knowing what you’d just thought about and wanting to squash another spiral before it even happened. 

“It’s a woman?”

“I think so… the first time it was indistinguishable but… thinking back now…” his heart clenched. “It sounded like my mother.”

Your eyes widened slightly. Was that possible? 

Levi swallowed thickly before continuing on. “Not in the way she spoke, but in the way her voice sounded. Pitch, cadence, tone… everything. I was too focused on you to really process but… it was her.” 

You covered his hand braced on the edge of the desk. Despite his calm exterior, Levi was a constant maelstrom of emotions, and you did find yourself struggling at times to decipher what exactly he was feeling. Now was a good example, where you couldn’t tell if he was comforted or haunted by the idea of his mother talking to him. 

“‘Vi…”

“At least, the voice was the same. Pretty sure my mother would never say ‘Now is not the time to doubt, blood of mine. Break the door. Do. Not. Lose her.’” He quoted exactly what he remembered being told that night. It was guidance, though brutal as it was. 

You bit your lip in thought, watching as Levi’s tongue darted out to smooth the small phantom hurt. You really must remember to stop doing that so much. “‘Blood of mine’ ? Are all Ackerman’s connected to each other?” you asked, kind of wishing you had told Hange about the bond now. Maybe they could have helped decipher.

“Hard to say. I’ve never heard or felt anything before. Not even around Mikasa, and she’s an Ackerman.”

“You could just share the same last name and nothing more?” It was a weak suggestion, but a possibility nonetheless.

“I would have agreed had I not seen the reports of her strength and then seen it with my own eyes. You saw how she fought the Female Titan. That’s no regular strength.”

“You sayin’ I couldn’t have done something like that?” you asked, eyes flashing with cheeky mischief. Levi clicked his tongue, his own eyes rolling.

“She’s what, fifteen? Yes, I’m saying you couldn’t have done something like that at fifteen years old.”

“You didn’t even know me at fifteen years old!” you protested indignantly. “In fact, I–”

You were rudely cut off by Levi slapping his hand over your mouth, giving you a warning look. Returning his glare, you stuck your tongue out to lick the palm of his hand in petty defiance. Something which earned you nothing but a raise of his brow. 

Point taken.

“It’s weird though,” you began after he removed his hand. “Why can’t you hear any of this when I’m like, not drowning in my mental health held together with a piece of fraying string?”

Levi sighed again, really wishing you wouldn’t talk about your own emotions like that, but now wasn’t the time to bring that up. “Not sure, I guess it only happens when I need it to?” he sounded as unsure as you did, which made sense considering neither of you knew what the fuck was really going on. 

“Think it has something to do with the weird tree thing?” 

He knew what you were talking about, and honestly, it was a sound theory. “I do find it weird that no matter where we’ve chosen, that tree will always be there somewhere,” He sighed, sliding a tired hand down the side of his face. “I’m sorry, I wish I knew more, but I’m as clueless as you are, despite this all coming from me.” 

Your cheek against his shoulder was a welcome presence, strands of your hair tickling the underside of his jaw. “It would feel off-balanced if you knew more than I did anyway,” you reassured him. “Still, I would like to talk to Mikasa. It’s not me she hates, so maybe she’d open up a bit more.”

“I have a feeling it would be a little like trying to get me to open up without knowing me for as long as you have.”

“So I have no hope? Unless I get her to fall in love with me and then she forms a bond with me,” you joked, before the genuine question arose in your head. “Wait yeah, what if something like that did happen? Like, if there were more people with your blood, what if two people managed to bond to the same person?” 

Levi shrugged, causing your head to tilt slightly. “It seems unlikely. If Ackermans are all connected, I don’t think whatever the bond is would let that happen. If it did…” he slid his eyes to where you were peering at him from his shoulder. “They’d probably duel or some shit.”

You barked a laugh, rising to stretch your arms above your head. “The sheer number of references you make to Frederik and Jules is absolutely appalling Levi Ackerman. Honestly, have you no shame?” Hopping off the desk, you crossed the room to unlock the door, thinking it would be a little suspicious if someone tried to enter whilst the bolt was across. 

“Clearly not, I bonded with you, didn’t I?” 

You swivelled, gaping at his audacity. It took you a moment to truly register what he had said, before taking a book from the shelf nearest you and throwing it in his general direction. “Rudeness! Rudeness of the highest insult!” 

Whatever poor piece of literature you’d thrown at him was easily dodged, landing harmlessly behind the desk. “You can’t throw books at me, I’m injured.”

“You can’t throw insults at me, so am I!” you folded your arms, managing to keep his little devious smirk from cracking the defences in your expression. No, you will absolutely not let him get away with this! 

“Yeah, you will.”

“Oh yeah? What makes you so sure?” you challenged, your expression still masked hard. Though as the moments lingered on and he kept looking at you like that, your resolve started to waver. “Fuck’s sake, I’m worse than Erwin and he let you get away with literal murder.” 

“Speaking of which, how didn’t I know you two were old friends?” he asked, finally tucking his shirt back in and retrieving the black jacket you’d all but thrown to the floor, dusting it off with a barely veiled look of disdain. 

“Likely because we barely talk as old friends anymore. He got caught up in being a Commander and I got caught up in wrangling you,” Levi raised a suggestive brow, pulling a laugh from your chest. “I didn’t mean it like that, but yes that as well. I meant in a ‘making sure you actually became a soldier and figuratively beating the shit out of anyone who called you a rat’ kind of way.”

Levi’s eyes widened slightly. He didn’t know you’d done that for him. You rolled your eyes, now trying to play it off. “Don’t let it get to your head. I almost fought my best friend the day we all met Isabel because she called her a criminal or some shit,” you couldn’t escape the slight blush in your cheeks. Yes, you’d done it in Isabel’s memory somewhat, but you’d also done it because you’d taken a liking to him from quite early on. 

“I remember that…” it was the first time he’d bore witness to your fight. To a fire he’d now sworn to never let dwindle, and to protect at all costs. “Still, in all the years I’ve known Erwin, he’s not once mentioned you.”

“Guess he’s just as rude as you are then.” You had seen the opportunity and seized it with both hands, smirking slightly at his resulting scoff. “I think I might know why, though.”

Levi perked up slightly. “Oh?”

“That same evening after I met you and fought with Nana, we had a conversation. Erwin and I. We both knew he would likely be made Commander soon, meaning his squad would be left captainless,” Levi listened silently. He’d never heard you speak about the day he first met you, having not even discussed the tea you shared that day. “He told me I should take the offer to be made captain. I told him that I couldn’t.”

He didn’t know for sure, but Levi could hazard a guess. You’d lost faith in your abilities after what happened to Ilse.

“I don’t think he took it very well. He seemed kinda disappointed. But after that he was made Commander pretty quickly and yeah, that was that.” You didn’t particularly want to go into any more detail than that. Dragging up old, suppressed memories now wasn’t exactly a good idea, considering your current unstable mental state. Levi could see for himself if he wanted to, you’d already given him permission to see any memories he may deem necessary to understand you more as a person.  

“I see,” was all he could say in response. Pressing with further questions didn’t seem like a good idea, and the last thing he wanted to do was make you feel any more uncomfortable with the conversation. 

“So yeah, that’s about it. He was Captain of my squad, asked me to take over, I refused, you took the position instead.”

…Well he didn’t know that.

“Sorta why I’ve been indebted to you from the beginning. If you hadn’t shown up with your crazy abilities and shitty attitude I probably wouldn’t be here now.” You smiled, though it didn’t take a detective to see the slight pain behind it. Whatever that meant, he didn’t want to know, but with the bond being what it was, it didn’t seem like him joining the Scouts was a decision he made at all. But rather something else blessed by fate. Not that he was much of a believer in that kind of thing. 

“You owe me nothing.”

“Well I know that now, yeah.”

“You owed me nothing back then, too.”

The room was silent for a moment, before you shattered it with a soft sigh. “I wish this had happened sooner. Between us, I mean.”

Levi crossed over to where you were leaning on the very same bookshelf you’d chucked a book from, once again taking you effortlessly into his embrace. He had the same thoughts so often. He wished he could have told you years ago. It wasn’t exactly love at first sight between you two, but he savoured his memories of the rocky start. The biting insults soon turned playful. The cleaning punishment morphing into shared time together. Though he wished he’d had you sooner, he wouldn’t trade watching you flounder around Eld for all the romance novels in the world. 

You drew back, clearly having heard what he was thinking. “Really?

“It was pretty damn funny watching the two of you.”

Your forehead fell against his shoulder as you let out a long groan of embarrassment. “Fuck’s sake, even Erwin saw that.”

“He spoke to you about it?”

“Yeah, on the expedition. He wanted to extend his congratulations to us, which I thought was kinda nice of him, though he had a few other things to say….”

Levi looked at you, his eyes hard. “I assume he warded you away from me?”

“Not exactly. It was nicer than that, actually. He just told me to be careful.” you recalled the conversation in your head, sending snippets of visuals down the bond. Levi nodded, entertaining the image of you and Erwin by the campfire, having a surprisingly deep conversation, considering the circumstances. Though you left out the part where he told you not to hurt him. You were already afraid of doing that, but Levi didn’t need to know.

It must have been fate listening in, that there was a knock on the door just at this moment. You both looked at each other, the rapping sound breaking you both out of the little domestic bubble you so often found yourselves in nowadays. In a moment, you’d lifted a spare chair from the corner up to the desk to avoid the noise of dragging it along the wooden floorboards, and Levi had sat himself down, hunching over so it looked as if you were both completely caught up in paperwork. 

“Come in.” he’d managed to morph his voice so it sounded mundane, as if he’d been doing this for hours. You couldn’t help but admire the adaptability. You guess you really weren’t the only chameleon in the room.

Moments after, a brown haired messenger announced themselves, opening the door with surprising flamboyance. “Captain Levi, Sir! Commander Erwin has asked for you, Sir! He wants to meet with you immediately, Sir!” 

If you had taken a shot for everytime this guy had said sir you’d be well on your way to a good night out. However, there wasn’t time for things like that right now.

“Alright, I hear you. Dismissed.”

You snorted at the overenthusiastic salute the cadet made, before marching off to the left. He couldn’t have been any older than seventeen, poor kid. 

Levi stood with a sigh, clearly not thrilled about the idea of a meeting, but you both knew what it was likely going to be about. You guessed neither of you had confirmed you’d go along with Hange. 

“Guess you’ve been summoned,” you raised a brow as he walked around the desk, watching his hard expression set. You stood, catching him before he walked off and pressing your thumb in the crease between his brows, smoothing the tension from his face. “You can’t get this grumpy every time you’re called away.”

Levi huffed, though appreciating the attempt you made to caress away his stress. “When we don’t have a lot of time together anyway, I think I'm perfectly entitled to get this grumpy when it’s cut short.”

You grinned, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Can’t argue with that. Make sure you let him know, hm?”

He rolled his eyes, though a smile still pulled at his lips. He masked it by moulding them into yours. “See you later.” He murmured, giving your arm a quick squeeze before he headed out the door. You hated how much you missed his presence when he was gone. 

The pendulum clock on the wall ticked by for all of five minutes before a lead balloon of dread sank into the depths of your stomach. His voice was instantly in your head.

–What? What’s wrong? You alright?–

–Levi…?–

–What?!–

–Your neck.–

Silence. You didn’t hear anything for what felt like an eternity, before his single word response had you cackling.

–Fuck.–

When the blanket of night settled over the world and a slight chill blew in the wind, you hugged your jacket closer around your shoulders, trying to stave the cold from getting to your bones. Though you’d healed fairly well, your leg still sang a melancholy song of pain with each step you took, earning yourself a slight limp. Your other wounds had healed nicely, slices closing up from your brow to your stomach. It was only really your leg that posed a problem now, though you’d been left with some pretty heft scars. Nothing new.

Walking through the courtyard, soldiers were busying themselves with packing supplies, crates of metal canisters, spare blades, boxes of field rations all being loaded onto various carts. You’d hidden it from Levi, but you intended to go with the group to search the wall. Orders be damned, you weren’t about to sit back and let everyone else do the work for you. You were physically incapable of doing that, and you also knew Levi would overestimate your ability to put sensibility above recklessness. Besides, you weren’t exactly lying…

You just hadn’t admitted the entire truth to him yet. Though it still weighed on you as a betrayal of his trust. Plus it actively drained you to hide things in your mind from him, which you guess made sense. It went against everything the bond was about.

Being caught up in thought, you didn’t see a blonde boy crossing paths with you from the right, almost crashing straight into him. It was only because you heard Eren’s voice and looked up because of it did you manage to stop the collision. 

“Shit, sorry kid, you alright?” you asked, looking back to see where he could have possibly come from. 

“Ah, yeah, I-I’m okay! Sorry, wasn’t looking where I was going,” he explained sheepishly, and you couldn't help but notice a weird resemblance to Erwin. Though this kid’s hair was longer, they had the same star-seeing eyes. 

“Nah, you’re good. Totally my fault, though you looked as deep in thought as I was. Something on your mind?” you don’t really know what prompted you to ask, but he just looked so troubled, you couldn’t help yourself.

“O-oh! No it’s nothing. Just… thinking about the Titan in the walls… and how he got there.” 

You let your mind run for a bit, before finally, realising who the kid was. Were you getting slow in your old age? 

Nah, that can’t be right. You weren’t that old for fuck’s sake.

“Ahh, you must be Armin, right? Eren’s friend?” you asked, earning yourself a look of surprise. “Vice Captain of the Levi Squad, looks like I’ll be riding with you guys.” In an instant, Armin’s fist thumped against his chest in a salute of respect.

“Ma’am! I wasn’t certain at first, but I thought it might have been you. It’s a pleasure to meet you,”

You waved off the salute, unable to help feeling as though you don’t deserve such a show of respect. Your squadmates were dead, afterall, you thought bitterly. “You’re fine, put that away, it’s not meant for me. You’re the one who had the theory about Annie, right?” You asked, now walking alongside the kid to where his friends were already in the cart. 

“Uh, sort of. It was really Commander Erwin and Section Commander Hange, I just suggested who it could be, it wasn’t–”

“Thank you, Armin. I los–” you stopped yourself. This poor kid didn’t need to hear about who you lost to that monster. “A lot of good soldiers died because of her. You helped us take a huge step in this fight for humanity,” Keeping your voice steady despite wanting to scream inside was something you’d become very good at, likely since losing Ilse. “We owe a lot to you and your friends.”

“Haha, Mikasa and Eren did most of the heavy lifting, I just helped with figuring it out.”

He clearly wasn’t used to giving himself credit. If Levi were here, he’d say something stupid like–

–Doesn’t give himself enough credit huh? Sound familiar?–

You huffed, setting your jaw. How did he always know?

–I have no idea what you’re talking about– you bit back defensively. –No it does not sound familiar, thank you very much. And shouldn’t you be concentrating?–

Warm laughter filled your head, and you couldn’t help but let it consume you, thawing your frozen bones. 

–Meeting’s finished. It was about what we thought. Coming up with Nick now. Just waiting on Hange.–

–You only talk in short sentences now? We’re not out in the field, we can talk in full sentences here–

You could hear him sigh almost in disappointment. A terrible dread obscured your thoughts. Did he know already? If he already knew, then this was about to be an awful conversation.

–You know, you’re not subtle. And I’m not stupid.–

–...Levi…–

–You know you can tell me these things, right?–

You muttered various curses, causing the poor young blond walking next to you to cast you a worried look. Shit. “Oh, no not you Armin. Just… remembering something. Don’t worry.”

“Oh… I see…” he responded awkwardly, clearly not knowing what else to say. It didn’t matter to you at the moment. Levi knew of your intentions to accompany the party to the walls, and also knew you’d kept it from him. 

–I… yeah, I know. I just, I knew you would try to stop me. I know it’s not the smartest thing to do in my condition, and I know my orders, but I just… I can’t just sit and let everyone do everything around me. I can’t just stay out of it… you know that.– you confessed. Though you were surprised he was so accepting about it. Honestly you were kind of expecting him to go all protective Levi mode and start trying to talk you out of it.

–The fuck are you talking about? And what do you mean by ‘protective Levi mode’???–

Oh. 

Shit.

–Wait. Was this not what you were talking about…?–

–...No.–

–Fuck.–

–Fuck indeed. We don’t have the time to talk about this now.–

–’Vi, I– –

–No. Later.–

Well fuck. That wasn’t exactly the best outcome. What the fuck could he possibly have been talking about if not that? Had he asked Erwin anything? Had he asked–

Then it hit you, a memory that didn’t belong to you.

“You spoke to her. Around the campfire that night. What did you say?” Levi asked, almost unable to look up from the floor. He was on his way out before Erwin called after him, just to wish him congratulations. It had been unexpected, but not unwelcome. But now he couldn’t even look at the man.

“Nothing of importance. Just congratulating her as well. And warning her from hurting you in any way,” he chuckled as if it were simply something trivial. “I know you’re strong, Levi, but I need you focused. Heartbreak doesn’t do much for a soldier’s motivation.” 

“You know you can just say you were looking out for me, no need for this whole charade,” He rolled his eyes, finally recovering after getting slapped in the face yet again by the realisation that people cared for him. “What did she say in return?”

Erwin sighed, lacing his fingers in front of his nose in thought. “That it was one of her greatest fears, hurting you. And knowing you, you likely have the same thought, no?”

Levi tensed his jaw. He knew hurting each other was a fear within your relationship, considering recent events, but he didn’t know it was your greatest fear. Why hadn’t you told him? You’d told him everything else… right? He was snapped out of his thoughts by Erwin, clearing his throat. 

“I see, I thought she would have told you. I apologise.”

That was all you saw, though it was enough. Not that you could register anything right now. You had so much going on. Too much going on, you couldn’t help but wonder how Eren coped with it all. The future of humanity used to lie on the shoulders of you, your squad and your Captain. Now you’d been unburdened with that demand, though it had been placed onto a child. How the fuck was that fair? And with the breach in Wall Rose, you were so sick of things going wrong it was starting to drive you up the fucking Walls. And now Levi knew you wanted to head out on the expedition later this evening. And from what you could tell, which was a lot, he didn’t seem too happy about it. Fuck this day.

You’d deal with it later. If Levi didn’t want to talk about it now, then you could certainly hold off. Nothing was about to change your mind, and you were content in your decision. You would go on the expedition and deal with the consequences when you came back. To hell with him.

“Great, what the hell does this mean?” 

You were snapped out of your thoughts by Eren already in the wagon, loading up ODM gear and gas canisters. You felt for the kid. He’d only just discovered what he was and already so much had happened since. Barely having time to recover from the fight against Annie and now all his friends had to be sent away in case any more of them were fucking Titans?  

“I don’t know… but they’re Titans, right? Would they seriously break through the Wall with Titans in it?” It was a good question, you had to admit. Armin’s mind was nearly as sharp as Hange’s, if only the kid had more self confidence, he could definitely gun for Commander in the next decade or so, providing he survived that long. 

“Wouldn’t be the first time, right? They did it before.”

It took you a moment to leap onto Armin’s trail of thought, but once you were there, you understood perfectly. “No, they didn’t. That was a gate. They busted through the gate, not the wall.” 

“Exactly, the Walls are different. They don’t have a single crack in them, no weak points other than the gates.” Walls this kid was smart. “There’s no signs of stress, and even stranger, there’s no way of knowing how they were built. They’re just solid walls of stone. No bricks, no nothing.”

“No nothing except Titans…” you knew where he was going with this.

“Armin, Lieutenant… what are you saying?” You couldn’t help but compare this situation to when you and Hange would be brainstorming and Levi would have no idea what you were talking about. Poor Mikasa.

“Suppose… suppose the Walls were made of the same stuff as Annie’s Titan crystal?” Armin posed.

You chewed on the suggestion for a moment. “She used that to cover her nape, right? And she trapped herself in it, so we know it’s versatile,”

“And it’s virtually indestructible, our blades breaking instantly upon impact…” 

Stepping up into the wagon, you held your hand out to help Armin up, taking a seat opposite Eren, who looked utterly horrified.

“So… the Walls are made of Titans? Is that what you’re saying?” He asked, looking down at his own hands as if they were about to catch aflame. 

“It’s just a theory at the moment, but–”

“It’s a solid one. We need to talk to Hange, and if there really is a breach in the Wall…”

The wagon jostled as you were moved into formation, but being so lost in thought you barely noticed. What the hell did this mean for humanity? Being protected by the very things that were trying to annihilate you all. And what would happen if the sun did hit them? What did Pastor Nick know that the rest of you were clueless about? And how was it that some preacher of the Walls knew? There were too many unknowns, it made you uneasy. 

You vaguely registered Mikasa wrapping her cloak around Eren, muttering something about him getting cold. It was sweet, you thought, though it brought you back to the various things you didn’t know about your own bond, wondering if Mikasa knew that’s what had happened between her and Eren, given that it had actually happened, of course. But you’d heard about her uncanny sense whenever Eren was in danger, and thought back to how Levi had the same sense about you. You hoped, for her sake, Eren would realise one day. 

“Sorry to keep you waiting! Didn’t think it would take so long to prepare.” 

You stole your nerves to look their way, though you barely registered Hange’s cheerful wave over Levi’s glare of thunder. At least his heartbeat wasn’t out of sync with yours. So this could be fixed… right? 

The wood creaked in protest as an additional three bodies crammed into the space, you shuffled up as much as you could, your body pressing against the side board as Levi took a seat next to you. You longed to press your face into his neck, but at the same time, you wanted to do anything but that. Joy, more conflicting feelings. 

“But… but he’s a priest from the Order of the Walls… Why is he–”

“I know! Nick and I are inseparable now! It’s alright, makes sense he’s here, just like the rest of us. We’re all rather random.”

It was strange for Hange to make assumptions this way. Ths group was anything but random. “No. The opposite. Erwin’s thrown us together for a reason.” Though what those reasons were, Levi couldn’t hazard a guess. The man’s motives were always mysterious until the final moments, when all would be revealed. It was an irritating habit. 

He needed to talk to you, finally realising what your intentions were, he couldn’t let you do this. You were still badly injured, and though you were recovering well, he knew your wounds were deeper than those surface level scratches. And if your stitches blew out in the field, you were dead. That was it. He couldn’t even believe you were considering this, let alone having made up your mind. It was stupid. Reckless. And downright selfish of you. 

“The condition of Wall Rose is currently unknown, but everything up to Erhmich district is safe. That’s the path we’ll be taking. Move out!” Erwin’s voice boomed from the front of the formation, loud enough that you were certain the entirety of Trost would have heard the announcement of departure. 

You stayed completely silent, debating more than ever what your next moves should be. How had things gone so damn badly? How had everything turned to shit so fucking quickly? It only felt like yesterday you were playing strip poker with your squad and now they were all fucking dead, two kids can turn into Titans and there was another fucking breach. You sighed, teeth gnawing at any loose bit of skin they could find on your lips. A habit you hadn’t indulged in a while. 

“You heard him. Get going.” It was a weak hope that speaking up so suddenly would get you to stop tearing apart your lower lip, his own stinging with each pull. You bit down a little too hard as the wagon jostled to life, and Levi almost winced with the sharp hurt. You, on the other hand, didn’t look too bothered by it, taking the opportunity to suck on the blood like some little fucked up vampire. If he wasn’t furious with you right now, he would have taken your hand into his own, current company be damned. 

He loosened a breath. Being angry with you was foreign and unknown and downright awful. He wanted to talk to you, to somehow ease the worries in your head, but he had no idea how to start a conversation with you at the moment. Not that he was ever very good with his words. Putting his opinions aside, Levi dropped his hand to brush against your arm.

Though when you flinched slightly, he wished lightning would strike him where he sat. You still refused to look at him, but he didn’t need to see your face to know you were radiating some kind of guilty resolve. You did nothing but continue to bite your lip, your fingers now tearing at your cuticles. He hadn’t seen you this stressed since you walked into his office and announced his squad would be helping Hange on their capture mission. Fuck that seemed like years ago now. 

“Well I should probably explain what we know from our friend Nick here,” Hange began, clasping a firm, almost threatening arm around the man’s shoulders. “You see, it was Nick who told us to cover the Titan in the Wall, assuming it would move should sunlight hit it. Just how he knew this, we have yet to find out.” With a quick glance to the opposite three in the wagon, you could tell they were just as baffled as you all were. 

“Wait wait wait, back up, this guy knew?! He knew and he said nothing!?” Eren exclaimed, leaning forward to almost throttle the man. 

“Uh huh, ‘friad so. And unfortunately, that’s about all he’s said. But, we all know now, of course. He doesn’t wanna talk quite yet, but that’s likely to change with a harsh dose of reality. It’s his faith keeping him quiet, but first hand experience though, we–”

“To hell with that!” 

You almost jumped at Eren’s shouting, standing and slamming his hands down on the table separating the two sides. Though if you were being honest, you missed the fighting talk from the kid.  “If this son-of-a-bitch knows something, he needs to come out with it! We’re on the brink of extinction and he’s deciding to keep quiet about what he knows? Caring only about keeping some stupid oath?!” Eren’s tone only rose with each point he made, stopping only due to what you assumed was his exhaustion spiking a sudden headache. A hand braced against the side of his head, Mikasa guided him to sit back down. 

“Take it easy Eren, you still haven’t fully recovered.” Oh she was so in love with him. It actually made you smile slightly, though it was short lived. Nothing lasts forever in the Scouts. 

Your chest constricted at the thought, and you glanced down to see Levi’s balled fist. 

And if you weren’t so busy wondering what the fuck you should do, you would have found him pulling a gun ridiculously attractive. What was wrong with you?

“There’s more than one way to get people to talk. Sure, I’m not exactly in top shape right now, but I know it doesn’t take much strength to pull a trigger. Having said that, I genuinely hope I won’t have to blow a hole in you to settle this. How ‘bout you?”

You once again cursed your current situation for not reacting after he’d just said maybe the single hottest thing you’d ever heard come from his mouth. If you weren’t in such emotional turmoil, you definitely would have started teasing him in front of everyone. 

But you were drained, and any will you had to do so had drained also.

A brief silence settled in the wagon as everyone remembered that, sure he wasn’t on active duty right now, but they were still sitting in the presence of Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, and it was still intimidating. 

Well, everyone except for Hange.

“Threatening him doesn’t work, Levi. I went to throw him off the top of Wall Sina. So trust me on that. And whether you agree with him or not, Nick here is a man of principle. Which has gotta make you think, if he’s so unwilling to talk, what in heaven’s name is he putting above the fate of humanity?”

Now that placed a blanket of silence over the wagon. Because it was one hell of a good question. What was he holding above the fate of the human race? What did he deem more important than humanity’s future? 

With the conversation coming to a halt, you tilted your head back to the moonlit canopy overhead, rogue embers floating within the leaves without a care in the world. You wonder if they knew their life was short. If you knew they had these last few seconds of freedom before they faded to nothing, returning to whatever elements they were composed of. But isn’t that all anything was? A brief interval from the void of non-existence? You suddenly envied those embers. They’d never experienced grief, or heartbreak, or loss in any way. They burned, and they burned beautifully until their inevitable end. Which is all anyone could strive to do, you thought. Burn beautifully. 

Despite the morbid nature of your thought trail, you smiled. Because you knew everyone around you was doing just that. Burning beautifully. 

Levi had taken a whistlestop tour into your mind for a split second, just to see how you were holding up. What he wasn’t expecting, however, was for you to be having philosophical revelations over fire. At least you weren’t thinking about the mission he wasn’t about to let you go on. He’d take philosophy over that any day of the week. 

Though his own tired head thought otherwise. Too much had happened to be entertaining your thoughts, so he returned to his own, only now noticing Hange staring unblinkingly at a rock. It was unusual for them to be doing unusual things, but at least it was a distraction from whatever the fuck was going on with you.

“Hey Four Eyes,” –He leaned forward slightly, looking past Nick to Hange still staring at the rock– “since when did you take an interest in geology? Or is your life so boring even rocks have become fascinating, looks like you’re about to drool.” 

Hange looked up, as if they’d just been dragged from a good book. “Hm? Oh, this? It’s not a rock. At least, not an ordinary one. It’s a hardened piece of skin, left behind by the Female Titan.”

That caught your attention. Snapping out of your thoughts, you too turned to look at Hange, your expression mirroring Armin’s as he gasped slightly. “Wait, it didn’t vanish?” He asked, eyes wide with what you could only just discern as shocked intrigue. 

“No! It broke off when she reverted back to her human form. It didn’t evaporate… didn’t simply go poof,” Their enthusiasm for the conversation only increased tenfold, and you could tell as soon as they started to use onomatopoeias. “Which got me thinking… and when I compared it with a piece from the Wall, its texture and molecular structure were, for all intents and purposes, virtually identical. So basically speaking–”

“We’re being protected by the very things that are trying to devour us, only ten times bigger than average.” You finished, glancing between Armin and Hange. You’d already had a conversation like this with the blond, but now at least you knew Hange had the same theory. 

“Exactly, and if my hypothesis is correct, the Walls were constructed using consolidated Titan skin.” Hange confirmed, to the disgusted horror of the opposite three. 

“You’re kidding… that’s what Armin and the Lieutenant were just talking about.” Mikasa observed, wide eyed. But she wasn’t wrong. That was exactly what you and Armin were discussing. Honestly, not to be condescending to the girl, but you were impressed she was following.

Armin once again gasped, shooting forward in his seat. “So then–” he began, only to be rudely cut off by Hange’s hand to his face.

Unfortunately for them, you’d just had exactly the same revelation. You borderline launched across Levi, slamming your hand down on the table. “You want to–” 

However, you too received a Hange hand to the face.

“Easy there you two, it’s rude to steal somebody else’s thunder dontcha know. As it stands, we’d be hard pressed to find a rock large enough to seal Wall Rose again. It would have to be just the right shape and size, and we don’t have specifics yet,” 

You fought to free yourself from Hange’s grip, desperate to contribute to the solution and listening to Armin frantically try and talk through their other palm.

“On the other hand, where there’s a will, there’s a way. Just picture it, Eren using his own hardening ability whilst in Titan form!” They revealed, finally releasing both you and the blond from their hands. You shook your head slightly, instantly wiping your face because heaven knows where Hange’s hands had been. 

Frowning, you slouched back in your seat, folding your arms. You thought of that too. 

“Then I could… patch the hole.” Eren came to the realisation much slower than you and Armin, though you guessed, since this actually concerned him and it was all incredibly new for him, he had other things to think about. 

“The sealant should be composed of the same material, and, like with Annie’s crystal, it shouldn’t disappear once you revert to human. This might be less of a long shot than it sounds. Whaddya think?”

If Levi was given a coin for every time you and Hange got carried away in conversation to the point where he could no longer follow, he could retire within the next year. However with this boy genius now added to the mix, he realised where this was going only a few moments before Eren did. Though your pouting did almost make him laugh. He knew you would have wanted to jump in, because he knew you would have been right there with Hange’s theory. He knew you were smart enough. And he hoped that was good enough for you.

“The greater the risk, the greater the reward,” You leaned forward again, clearly having gotten over your petulance.

“And if we can patch up Wall Rose… then Wall Maria starts to look fairly promising. And vital though it is, the outposts infrastructure slows us down to a crawl,” Armin continued, and Levi couldn’t help but find it a little weird how he was now finishing your sentences.

“The time and resources needed to transport materials are immense,” and vice versa, he discovered as soon as you took off from where he left. This was getting ridiculous. 

“But… if we can nullify the necessity for supply wagons, we could get to Shiganshina much faster… And what if we decided to carry out the plan at the dead of night?!” Armin posed, stony determination written on his face. You couldn’t help but smile slightly, having found yourself on the exact same wavelength.

“Night?” It was Hange now who was having trouble keeping up, and though you felt the urge to explain, they had a point earlier. Stealing somebody else’s thunder was rude, and you realised Armin needed all the confidence boosts he could get.

“Yes! When the Titans are more or less motionless!” He finished, clearly waiting with some kind of validation on his theoretical plan.

“Huh… that’s not bad. In fact, it’s genius, particularly if the group is small enough to slip on by undetected.” –Hange looked back down at the small crystal in their hand– “The straits we’re in are about as dire as they come, but this could turn the tides completely.” 

“We have to bear in mind though, this entire plan hinges on whether or not Eren can seal the hole again.” You really did hate to be the one to throw a bucket of cold water on the atmosphere, especially when you saw Armin’s proud smile falter slightly, but he knew as well as you did it was a good point.

Hange looked across to Eren, who you could see was visibly sweating despite the slight chill of the night. “It’s probably unfair of me to even ask but… do you think you can?” They asked, brows pinching in slight sheepish guilt. 

The wagon once again fell silent as all eyes fell to the teen who wasn’t looking at any of you. Once again, you could tell he was feeling the weight of the future on his shoulders, and your heart constricted for him. Ever since that night after you’d almost killed him, when he’d accidentally turned Titan and scared the ever loving shit out of you and your squad, you’d found a new respect for him. Having now understood the burdens of Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, you could only imagine what Eren was going through. 

“What he thinks really isn’t the problem here,” Levi finally found his voice, having been in complete awe of you and the way your mind worked. “You either will, or you won’t. That’s the reality of the situation. Our comrades are breaking their backs, but without you, it’s pointless. Failure here isn’t an option.”

You knew he was right. You knew he was just adding gravity where the rest of you had lost it, bringing the conversation back down to earth, but did he really have to be so stern? So pressuring?

–I think he knows how important this is. Stop adding unnecessary weight.– You couldn’t help yourself, a weird kind of protective nature coming over you. You saw out of your peripheral his hands balling into fists.

–So now you wanna talk?–

–You were the one who shut down the conversation, not me. I was just doing what you asked.– 

Levi’s frustrated sigh blew about your head, before the tension was broken by Eren’s desperate enthusiasm to prove himself. “Sir! I know, and I’m prepared to do whatever it takes… that’s a promise.”

There and then, you could see just how heavy his memories were. You understood his guilt because you understood Levi’s guilt. You knew he felt every single life lost around him, because he was supposed to be strong enough to move forward. He was supposed to be strong enough to protect people, to take the hits when nobody else could. 

“My father’s cellar…” You tilted your head to one side, willing to put your current feud away and glance at Levi, who glanced back at you, before you both looked back at Eren, awaiting an explanation. “That’s… that’s where the answers are. If there was even a grain of truth in what he told me, everything depends on us making it there.” 

You didn’t have time to wonder what the hell that meant, before Hange announced your location; “Well, here’s Ermich.” 

Nerves bubbled in your gut, this being the place where you knew you were about to have the biggest argument in your relationship. You felt Levi tense next to you, knowing he was thinking the same thing. But neither of you were backing out of this, that much was clear. 

Hopping out of the wagon, you chose to ignore the slight bite in your thigh from your injuries, taking a moment to stretch out your back. You noticed Levi had already set off with Nick, and though you weren’t alone with Hange, you were still going to take this opportunity to talk with them. “Hey, Hans?”

Once again, like a breath of fresh air, Hange beamed at you, despite the previous conversation in the wagon. “What’s up? The atmosphere there was kinda frosty for a second huh? That Armin kid though… he’s pretty damn smart, and to come up with a plan for Shiganshina so quickly… I reckon he’d make a pretty great Commander one day.” They started off on their own conversation as the two of you made your way through Ermich district. 

“Yeah, we’d had a brief conversation before the journey about the Walls and the Titans inside and such, we pretty much came to the same conclusion.” You defended stiffly, only to Hange’s delight. 

“Awww, jealous I got there before you? Sorry sunshine, only a few have brains like these!” They skipped, and you genuinely couldn’t understand how their demeanour could shift so quickly and so dramatically. Though, you remembered a time where Levi said that about you, how you could shift your personality from casual to professional in the blink of an eye. 

You grit your teeth. Thinking about him hurt.

“Yeah yeah, whatever. I just wanted to let ya know that I’ll likely be joining you on the mission.” You tried to mention it as nonchalantly as you possibly could, but no amount of casualness could have warned them of that. 

Hange stopped in their tracks. “Aren’t you supposed to be off active duty for the time being?”

“I can stand, can I not? And I’m walking, am I not? I don’t have a good reason to be resting.” You defended adamantly. You knew this was exactly what Levi was going to say as well, so you’d already come up with arguments.

“Does Levi know?” They asked softly, and when you didn’t respond, Hange placed a hand on your shoulder. “I was wondering what had happened between you two, things seemed different in the wagon than they were this morning. Don’t solidify anything yet. Wait until you talk with him. I’d say we have roughly half an hour turnover. If you’re still set after talking to him, I’d be happy for the help.”

“You know, he doesn’t make my decisions for me.” You tried to keep the venom from your voice, but failed miserably. Hange knew, of course. They knew this wasn’t coming from a place of rage or anger with them.

“He’s your Captain. He technically does.”

“My Captain, huh? Of what squad, Hange?” It was a brutal blow, and had it been anyone else you were talking to, you know they would have walked away by now, either your glare or the toxicity in your tone causing them to leave. However, this was Hange. Hange who knew both yourself and Levi, sometimes better than you knew each other. Hange, who knew grief just as well as you did, and still managed to do everything they could. Hange, who also had friends out there in the field right now, and who hadn’t heard from them in hours, and didn’t know if they were still alive. 

They squeezed their calming hand on your shoulder. “Speak to Levi first, as a favour to me.” 

You sighed, feeling the tension sapping from your spine, knowing they were right. “Fine, but I’ve made up my mind.” 

Hange smiled in understanding, continuing on their path with you by their side. “I know you have, but if you sneak out and Levi knows I knew, I won’t live to see the sunrise.” 

Huffing a chuckle, you nodded in agreement. That was likely true, unfortunately for the both of you. Glancing back, you watched the three behind you for a brief moment. Watched as Mikasa tried to wrap Eren’s cloak back around his shoulders, to the teen’s dismay, whilst Armin tried to calm the two of them down and stop their bickering. It was a sickening reminder that, after everything, they were still just kids. 

“It’s sad. Not only was their childhood cut short, but now they hold the weight of the future on their shoulders. Eren specifically, but you can see it on Armin and Mikasa too. The way they care so much for him, but he feels the need to do everything alone. It’s so lonely.” You thought aloud, cracking your neck to the side.

“You sound like you're speaking from experience.” Hange observed, glancing down to you with an eye raised.

“Not quite. But I know how it is for Levi. I know that, even given the chance to, he would rather die than pass his title on to somebody else. Not for any sort of pride reasons, but because he wouldn’t want that burden to befall another soul. He carries it because he knows it’s necessary to do so, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy.” It was a losing battle, keeping your frustration from bubbling to the surface. On the outside, it just seemed like you were explaining something not many people would have an insight into. On the inside, however…

You wanted to scream.

Despite the morbid display in front of him, hundreds upon hundreds of people having lost their homes due to the recent breach, Levi couldn’t help but listen to your conversation with Hange. To be understood on such a fundamental level was still incredibly new for him, so to hear your voice exactly how he felt a majority of the time…

It solidified his need to stop you from going on this mission. 

“You know him well, huh?” This was a side to Hange you didn’t see very often. The softer, more sentimental side to the ‘mad scientist’ everyone knew. It was part of the reason you liked them so much. 

“And you know why, so you don’t need to act clueless.” Once again you came incredibly close to telling them everything, but you held off. Despite there being a small rift between the two of you at the moment, you knew that was something you needed to discuss with Levi. 

You both climbed the steps into the barracks, hearing Eren, Mikasa and Armin still behind you.

“Hey Eren!” Hange gestured for the teen to join them, and so you took a step back, allowing them to have their conversation without interference. “Once we leave Ermich, we’ll be in Titan territory for sure.”

“Think you’re well enough to ride a horse yet?” 

You’d almost completely forgotten Moblit was on this expedition, considering he didn’t ride with you in the wagon. It was only now did you see Hange relax slightly, having not even noticed they were slightly tense. You half smiled with the realisation. 

And it was now you really missed being on good terms with your partner. Because you knew he would have had something to say about that.

“Yeah, it shouldn't be too much of a problem.” Eren responded, though he sounded exhausted. 

“Saddle up then soldier, there’s one waiting for you on the left lift.” You thought a lot about the shift you and Hange could perform between professional and casual, though you’d never considered how different Moblit was behind closed doors. You guessed, when he didn’t have the pressure of being Hange’s right hand man, he could well and truly relax. 

Though the only visual indication you had was Hange’s widening eyes, you’d already felt Levi’s growing presence behind you. You turned, seeing almost exactly what you predicted, only Nick looked more remorseful than he did in your mind’s eye. You couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing. 

“Section Commander, we’re pressed for time!” Moblit called out as Hange jogged back past you.

“Gimme a second will ya?” They called back, before addressing Nick. “So, you seen the light yet by any chance?” 

If you took a shot for every time silence had settled it’s blanket over your group today, you’d likely be in the medical wing. The air was charged as you all waited for Nick’s response, before realising he was going to hold his tongue. And finally, finally, Hange had enough. “Goddamnit! This isn’t some fucked up spiritual test, real human lives are on the line here so make up your mind!” 

And for the first time since he sat his holy ass on that cart, Nick spoke; “Alas, I have no choice. None of us, not myself nor the others who believe are at liberty to divulge the truth.”

Ooo did you want to punch his teeth in. You knuckled itched to be thrust through his jaw.

“Well fat lot of you help you were! Thanks ever so much for keeping us company, it’s been a fucking joy!” It took all of your willpower to, despite your situation, stifle your laughter at their sarcastic rage as they abruptly turned on their heels and started to stomp away.

“I would offer my help if I could, but a duty as great as this one is beyond me. The Order of the Walls abides by the sacred will our faith commands us to obey.” He seemed so solemn you almost pitied the man. Almost.

“Who’s sacred will? You mean like God or something?” Hange questioned with no small degree of snark.

“I can’t answer that.” God fucking damnit! “But… what I can do is provide you with a name. An individual the sacred will and it’s divine wisdom instructed us to monitor.”

You couldn’t tell if he was using way too many words in sentences deliberately, or whether or not that was seriously the title they gave the head of their religion. “Monitor?” You asked aloud, glancing at Hange who nodded in approval. That was clearly their next question.

Nick sighed before continuing on. “It’s a person you know. Someone who enlisted in the Scout Regiment as of this year. A child by the name of–”

“Important message!” The pastor was drowned out by the arrival of a messenger loudly announcing her presence. She didn’t even stop to knock or read the room, just barged straight in with her agenda. But that didn’t stop you or your companions to hear the name he’d just uttered. Christa Lenz.  “I’m with the 104th Cadet Corps. Oh and my name is Sasha Braus!” 

You blinked in surprise, finally turning your head to look at the girl. You still didn’t really know the 104th that well, only really being well acquainted with Eren, for obvious reasons. But you knew of Sasha, and you’d heard her speak before. However the accent you’d previously noticed seemed to have vanished into thin air. Interesting. 

“No way…”

“Wait, who?”

Sasha strode up to Hange, scroll in hand. “This is for you, Section Commander.” Though she was completely ignored, the room’s attention now being completely on the Pastor. 

“You must find her with all haste. She is the key. She may know things we understand, but poorly.” You glanced to Hange, who mirrored your look. Who the fuck was this girl, and more importantly, who was she to Eren, Armin and Mikasa for them to be so floored by this? “And with that, we come to the end of what I am free to share with you. The rest I leave in your capable hands.” 

“Wait, if she’s in the 104th… she’d be on the front lines by now.” You realised, wide eyes flicking between Hange and Nick. 

“Then let’s go! We’re already pressed for time, we don’t have any to lo–” Though you admired Eren for his gung-ho attitude, you admired him less when he didn’t look where he was going and ran straight into poor Sasha who had been waiting incredibly patiently with her scroll, sending her crashing to the ground. 

“Watch where you’re going!” Hange called out, the room’s attention shifting to the poor girl on the floor. 

“Sasha?!”

“Just where did you come from all of a sudden?” Mikasa asked, and you couldn’t help but raise a brow. Had nobody else heard the girl enter? Seriously? 

Once again you wished you could talk to Levi about this, but he’d been silent in your head since the wagon. You kept your sigh internal. 

As if remembering she was here for a purpose and not just to lie on the floor, Sasha gasped, snatching up the parchment that had fallen from her hands and barrelling through her three friends toward Hange. “I was sent to deliver a message to the Commander, who then entrusted me to get this to you Section Commander!” The girl spoke without breathing, and you absently wondered if this was her first time delivering a message. Before realising that yeah, this was most likely her first time delivering a message.

Good for her.

The girl borderline folded in half at the waist as she bowed, holding the scroll out for Hange with both open palms. You stifled a snort, pretending to pick at your lips to hide your smile.

Levi had been borderline completely silent throughout this entire exchange, not having much to say. However, that didn’t mean his eyes didn’t work. He noticed every little thing you did, every little micro-expression you made, whether it be concern, confusion, determination, and now hidden amusement. It warmed him that you could still smile at things, despite everything. 

“Uh, okay then… excellent work!” Hange seemed a little taken aback by the girl’s formal enthusiasm, but swiftly replaced the scroll with a baked potato from the supply crate, and you watched as Sasha all but melted on the spot, before taking one of the largest bites you’d ever seen a human being take out of anything, half wondering if she had Titan genes.

“So, who the hell was Nick talking about?” You turned your attention back to the conversation at hand, asking the three who already seemed to know her what was on everyone else’s minds.

“She was the smallest one in our class,” Eren answered, crouching to secure his boots.

“Golden hair, blue eyes. In fact… she was kinda cute.” You had to double take to make sure you actually heard that correctly. 

“The girl who’s always hanging around Ymir.” Mikasa clarified, and you looked at Hange just as their eyes widened. 

“Wh– Excuse me?” That had triggered something in their brain, but whatever that may have been, you guessed you would find out at a later date. Another quick glance around the room told you nobody else had quite had that same reaction. But that’s normal for Hange. 

You watched them stare in contemplation for a moment, before brushing off whatever they were thinking, clearly filing it away for later. But with everyone standing around, it was starting to irritate you that nothing was being done. “Alright, no point in doing nothing, start loading up supplies onto the lifts.” It was better than nothing, right? And it was nice to know people still regarded you with some kind of authority, as footsteps instantly started echoing off the stone walls. Hange helpfully took a seat on one of those crates, pulling at the string from around the paper handed to them by Sasha. Glancing to a smaller box of food to your left, you carried it under your arm, handing it off to Moblit who nodded at you in thanks. 

“That the background report?” You asked, leaning against their shoulder slightly, skim-reading the first few paragraphs.

“Yeah… yeah it is.”

“Background report?” Eren asked, his head almost comically popping up from behind one of the crates he was trying to lift.

“Ah, yeah. I asked for a background report on Annie Leonhart. It was a lot slower than I was hoping for, what with paper trails being a total catastrophe at the moment, but according to this, there were two other cadets in the 104th who came from the same area. One Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Hoover.” Hange looked up from their paper, surveying the three before them. You, however, turned to Sasha, who’d looked as if she’d seen a ghost.

Too many revelations in one night. Too much information revealed in such a short amount of time. Levi kept his eye on Eren, the boy already having suffered enough. And no, whilst his own comments didn’t help settle the teens nerves, he also knew what was necessary to get through to him. He didn’t want to have to keep jabbing at him, and if this mission wasn’t so crucial, he wouldn’t have to. But with this perhaps being the only shot at sealing the wall they would get, he didn’t regret being harsh on him. Even if it had earned him some dirty looks from you.

Hange continued; “Don’t have many records about them, and any records we do have are unreliable, thanks to the chaos five years ago. However…” Placing the paper down on a makeshift table, Hange pointed to the skeleton of the scouting formation, “We do know in the long range scouting formation, their unit was given false information, among those intentionally misled into thinking Eren was in the right wing.” You felt a migraine coming on, your head starting to pulse ever so slightly, which considering your situation and circumstances, you couldn’t be surprised.

Though, out of instinct, your eyes slid to Levi and his surroundings, just to make sure it wasn’t the bond telling you he was in some kind of danger. Which, taking note of what was next to and behind him, he wasn’t. Just a normal migraine. You didn’t know which was worse at this point. At least you could do something about him being in danger.

–What?– Walls, he still sounded irritated.

–Nothing. Just a headache.– You weren’t about to admit that you were staring at him to make sure he was okay. If you were anything, you were petty. 

Levi already knew about the headache, he could feel it himself. He also knew why you suddenly looked over at him. He hated that his heart softened slightly. He was still livid with you for fuck’s sake. But the way you instantly looked to make sure he wasn’t in harm’s way…

How was he supposed to be okay with you riding to battle without him by your side?

“Wait just a second… that’s the section Annie attacked!” Armin realised, causing Sasha to almost break her neck by whipping her head to look at him. 

“What? What does that mean?” She asked, barely able to keep her voice from shaking. 

“Well… it’s entirely plausible that they told her where they thought Eren was…”

“Huh…? But why would they do that…?” The poor girl asked, her head tilted to one side. You thought she was kind of sweet, in her own way.

Glancing to Hange, who had already put the pieces together before you, they nodded in confirmation to where you’d just ended up with your thoughts. Reiner Braun and Bertholt Hoover were the most possible candidates for the Armoured and Colossal Titans. 

“Where are you going with this Armin? You can’t just accuse–” Eren started what clearly was about to become a heated argument, before he was interrupted by the scientist at your side.

“I totally agree. There’s a difference between coincidence and correlation,” –but didn’t they just confirm your thoughts?– “However, I’m curious to know how the three interacted whilst training. So? What can you tell me?”

As per usual, it was Armin who spoke first. “I knew Reiner and Bertholdt were from the same region as Annie, but honestly? They never seemed that friendly toward each other.”

“Same here,” Eren continued. “You wouldn’t really catch them idly chatting away, and even when they did talk, it was usually curt. It wasn’t like Annie was very social to begin with.” 

You tried to stop your bubbling hatred at the way they were talking about the Female Titan as if she were a normal human girl, and not some twisted psychopath who’d ripped your family to shreds. But it was proving difficult.

“Yeah… at meals, she seemed to prefer eating by herself. I don’t know…” Sasha thought for a moment, before her face lit up and she slapped her own fist, an idea popping into her head. “Oh! I think I've got something that struck me as weird at the time!”

Okay. Sweet? Yes. Any sense of urgency or necessary words in a sentence? No.

“I heard she liked sweets!” 

Seriously? You sighed heavily. 

“I’ve got nothing…” Mikasa began, before her eyes lit up slightly too. You guessed that was her own version of slapping her hand in realisation. “Except maybe that–”

“Guys, what are we doing? These are our friends we’re talking about. Our comrades. Sure, Bertholdt never has a lot to say, but Reiner’s like everyone’s big brother, ya know?”

No, actually, you wouldn’t know. You had a little brother, and you couldn’t remember a single thing about him. Not even his face. Not even his name. 

“You really think he’s capable of lying to us?” Eren finished with a surprising amount of conviction for someone who’d seen first hand the devastation the Female left in her wake. 

“Not only that,” you chimed in. “But how would Leonhart have known to change course? Hange said that unit was fed false intel, so how could she possibly have known where we actually were?” It was a question more to provoke thought than to disprove theories, to get further answers flowing, because how could she have known?

“You both have a point. Reiner fought Annie with everything he had. Almost got himself squeezed to a pulp in the process. And as for–” Armin stopped dead in his tracks, as if remembering something. 

“Armin?” You prompted, causing the blond to raise his head again. 

“He broke free at the last minute… but afterwards, Annie changed her course. In fact, she ran straight toward where you were. I briefly mentioned that you were most likely towards the centre rank but there was no way she could possibly have heard me. She wasn’t in earshot at the time, I’m sure of it.” For someone who’s words carried such conviction, Armin really had to work on his tone sounding unsure of himself. His mind truly was brilliant, as was his memory, it seemed.

“Do you remember if he seemed overly interested in Eren’s location?” You pressed, knowing you were almost to the bottom of how the fuck Leonhart found your squad. And with what looked like dawning realisation, you knew you had your answer.

“Oh no… the only reason I brought it up was because Reiner asked where Eren might be…” You had to fight the instinct to cross the room and envelope the kid in a hug. This wasn’t his fault, he had no way of knowing. You of all people could understand misplaced blame, and you knew he’d be blaming himself. “There’s… something else. Once he broke free, she stood there staring at her palm, possibly–”

“Looking at whatever Reiner had just carved into it with his blades, right?” You felt the familiar fire of battle rise in your gut, now more ready than ever to take on the fucker who lead your friends straight to their deaths. 

Armin nodded in confirmation and with a hint of what you thought was gratitude that he didn’t have to say it out loud. “Maybe… maye Reiner is…”

The room fell stagnant, Levi briefly noticing that you could hear the whispers of the dead if you listened hard enough. He could feel your iron determination in his stomach and it only worsened his pool of dread. Convincing you not to do this might be harder than he initially thought. 

“What is wrong with you all…?” Eren began, looking desperately between his friends. “This is Reiner we’re talking about. The man’s been with us from the beginning. You don’t just–”

“Enough!” Hange interrupted, commanding an impressive amount of the room’s attention with one order. You couldn’t help but admire them briefly. “All of you, listen up. If you cross paths with the pair in question, don’t give them any indication of what we’ve discussed, okay? And under no circumstances are you to bring up Annie Leonhart in their company. Before we can ascertain whether or not they were co-conspirators, we must find, lure and contain them underground. That’s the plan, are we clear?”

The room was a well orchestrated chorus of “Yes, clear.” before once again soldiers started busying themselves around you.

“Right, we have to go. Now!” The sheer, stony determination in Eren’s voice brought a flare of pride to your chest. He’d just found out the entire room was suspecting one of his greatest friends as an enemy of humanity and he was still as ready as ever to gallop off into action. 

“Calm down, Eren.” 

How many times had you heard those words in exactly that tone? You glanced back to see Levi looking between the three, a hand still clasped at the jacket around his shoulders. “I need you all to listen. This is where we separate. Erwin had his reasons for throwing this rag-tag squad together, but right now this is all riding on you.”

You wanted to slap him. As if the kid needed any more fucking pressure.

“Armin, you and Hange are the brains. Use your combined knowledge to cook us up some kind of solution,” He barely waited for a response from the blond before moving on. “Mikasa, I don’t think I’ll ever understand why you’re so attached to this guy in particular but put your skills to good use. Protect him at all costs.”

Your suspicions about her own bond only solidified with her answer. “Sir, I intend to.” You could see how her and Levi were related in some way.

“And you,” he turned to Eren and you saw him flinch slightly. You imagined not many people could make him flinch, having a fighting spirit like his, but you also weren’t too surprised that one of those few people just so happened to be your partner. “Don’t fuck this up.” 

Great. Now you wanted to kick him as well. 

“Check your emotions, Eren,” you clenched your jaw when Levi glanced at you with a look of purpose only you could see. “Learn the meaning of the word restraint. If you let yourself succumb to blind rage all hope is lost. We can’t afford another mistake.” You borderline snarled as you felt each one of his words against your gut. You fucking knew he wasn’t just talking to Eren. You knew he was sending those messages to you too. But you weren’t succumbing to blind rage. For the first time since that day, you were seeing clearly. You knew what you had to do. This wasn’t some passionate, miscalculated display of fury. This was what was necessary in order for yourself, and humanity, to move on. 

“Alright everyone, we move out in five. Everyone, check your gear and any supplies you think you’ll need!” Moblit called out above the slight din. And so you left down the steps to do just that. To find a quiet room to check your gear and engage in possibly the hardest fight in your life so far.

Because there was only one thing more terrifying than a Titan, and he just so happened to be the other half of your soul.

You heard him before you saw him, uneven, thunderous footsteps echoing down the hallway before Levi’s hand slapped the door so hard you felt the tingles of pain in your own palms. Those extra few seconds gave you time to prepare for whatever was about to happen.

He slammed the door behind him, rending not the jumped response he was expecting from you. That did not bode well.

“You’re not going.” 

“You physically cannot stop me.”

“It’s an order.”

You stopped fastening the belts to your thighs, savouring the sharp burn over your stitches. “Then I guess this is insubordination.” You responded firmly, before moving onto the next strap. You’d made up your mind. You were going, and that was final.

“You’re fucking kidding me, right? Were you not listening?”

“Nope. You can’t stop me doing this, ‘Vi. Nothing can stop me from doing this. If this is a step closer to understanding what’s going on, then I have to help them take it.”

“Even if that means risking your life?”

You scoff, not looking up from the straps on your legs. Though you weren’t doing a lot with them, just mindlessly checking them with faux importance. “Levi, every step outside those walls we risk our lives. Why is this any different?”

“Fuck, do I really have to spell it out for you?” 

“You’re asking me to put this relationship above fighting for humanity?” 

“Yes!” He answered before even thinking about it. 

You both fell silent, staring at each other. Because in the end, that’s what this came down to. Choosing between him or humanity. You always thought you would choose him. Fuck the world, fuck the Titans, fuck everything. It could all burn if it meant you could stay with him. 

But that was before Levi gave you a reason to keep fighting. If anything, he only had himself to blame. “You of all people should know that’s not possible.” It was a spiteful, venomous jab of a comment, but there was no room left for sympathy in you right now. “There has to be meaning…” you whispered, and you could feel him stop, the fight draining from his heart.

“There will–”

“No. There won’t. Not if I don’t make sure of it. You told me… you told me we keep fighting to give their deaths meaning. So let me fight. Please, Levi. I have to. Because I don’t know how the fuck I’m supposed to continue if everytime I get hurt I fucking hide. If I can walk, I can fight.

“And I’m walking pretty damn well.”

Levi ran a hand through his hair. He knew this would happen eventually. Knew there would be a time where you would have to run into a battle without him, it was inevitable in the Scouts, and he was only human. 

But not yet. 

Not now. 

He thought you were fucking dead days ago. He thought he’d lost you. Having you close was the only way of knowing you weren’t dead. The bond hadn’t helped that day, what had helped was seeing you alive. 

What if he never saw you alive again?

“I can’t let you do this… If something happened and I wasn’t there–”

“Then you’d be dead too, so it doesn’t matter anyway.”

Silence.

“How can you fucking say that…? How can you say that after what happened…? We don’t even know if that’s how it works and you’re still willing to risk it?” It was a kind of betrayal Levi didn’t think he’d ever felt before. Because this was you choosing to go away. You were choosing to leave him behind and risk the bond, risk him. Because no matter what happened, bond or no bond, if you died, he would die too.

You’d been too caught up in your grief to really think about it. Being the one to almost die, the one unconscious, you hadn’t thought about what it was like for him, hearing your voice fade from his head, feeling your presence disappear from within his chest. You hadn’t thought about it, and your constant companion of guilt thrived because of it.

“Levi…”

“Don’t. That doesn’t matter.”

You tried to reach for him, but he stepped back. “You know, Erwin told me what you said your biggest fear was. Was it a lie?”

Tears pricked your eyes, whether from the all too real wound burning on your thigh from how tight you’d pulled the strap, or the all too real wound burning in your heart, you couldn’t tell. “...No, ‘Vi. It wasn’t a lie.”

When he finally met your gaze, you had to look away. You’d never seen him look so vulnerable, so torn apart. “Then why are you doing this?”

Why were you hurting him so fucking badly?

“You know why.”

Because it would only get worse if you didn’t do this. And you would never be able to forgive yourself. 

–I love you…–

“Then prove it…!” he begged, uncaring about the desperation breaking in his voice. “Stay…”

He knew the second he’d said it, you’d already made up your mind.

“...I can’t.”

His eyes widened slightly, taking a moment to comprehend what you’d just said and the meaning behind it. 

“Then what are we still doing?” 

Your entire world shattered with those words. You had no response, nothing to give him. You’d found yourself at a crossroads, two paths stretching either side. 

“What do you mean…?” you asked, too afraid to raise your voice higher than a whisper. 

Anger had fueled his words. Anger and hurt. He didn’t know how to get you to see, how to get you to back down from this. No amount of begging or pleading could get you to change your mind, so where was the point? His soul screamed at him to change his mind, but he ignored it. Wordlessly, Levi turned and left you there. For the first time in his life, he was walking away from you.

Gritting your teeth against your tears, it took you a second to push down your emotions. If you were really going to do this, you needed all your focus on the mission. Not on Levi. Wiping a stray tear from your cheek with the heel of your palm, you tried to pull on the bond between you, only to find no tension. He’d sealed his mind off from you, and you honestly couldn’t blame him.

You could fix this, right? You could… you could go on the mission, come back and talk about it, right? You had to. You didn’t have a choice. 

With a tug of finality on the last buckle on your thigh, you stood. And with a resolve you didn’t know you could muster right now, you strode down a path, hoping to fuck it was the right one. 

#yoink #i posted a thing #like a year late but like #oops #the ackerbond

[levi-my-beloved]

The Ackerbond Chapter 6: The Ackerbond Divides

Pairing: Canon!Levi x F!Reader

Warnings: SMUT, honestly might just leave that as is but uh yeah SMUT, couples fighting™️, honestly I wrote so much of this so long ago I don't remember but like violence and stuff I'm pretty sure,

A/N: i have nothing but apologies to offer and maybe some updates like I graduated... yaaaaaaay....... that and I've been obsessed with a promiscuous pansexual vampire twink since august iykyk

oh also also, sorry for the millions of mistakes that this is likely riddled with <3

Taglist: @levmada @awesomeness1679 @purplecandygerl @iam-thevillain-of-thisstory @pluvio-pluto @midnightbarnes97 @aresclouds @imkumichan @xxpadfootxx @cmjh3 @justa19 @notgoodforlife @leviackermanmyhero245 @kaea-peverall @jakillski @macaronnv @natalie-skz @oldtownwonderland @snailsposts @lunardeiity @clusiesuzie @hi-imkaiya @isabellawigginss @ackermandick @orionsalos @disaster-writer @temariskadi @nariko1989 @elizaack @dixie-chick @death-by-bullseye @leviackermanst @poisonpeche @arcticcashew @feelingsandemotionsnotexplored @littleagxs @wall-maria-fritz

Annie Leonhart. That was her name. One of the 104th cadets who chose the Military Police. That was the girl who ripped your family away from you. Just one girl. Fuck’s sake. You’d barely had time to recover after losing your family. But whilst the devil works hard, Erwin Smith works harder, already having an idea as to who the Titan was, and also a plan as to how to capture her.

And it had almost worked without consequence. Almost. But Annie was smarter than you all realised, and transformed before Armin could convince her underground. You’d been ordered to stay out of combat, by both Erwin and Levi. But so many were dying… so many were getting between the Scouts and their target that you didn’t have a choice. You didn’t do much, just scoop civilians out of the way, as many as you could. Though your body now screamed at you for it. 

Worth it. 

You stood before your enemy’s crystal. How could she look so peaceful after what she did? After the thousands she murdered. How could she look so damn content? You grit your teeth, molars grinding against molars. So much had happened as a result of the conflict.

Like a fucking Titan in the wall. You’d all seen it before Pastor Nick came running up. What the hell that sleazy holy man had been keeping from you, you were sure Hange could get it out of him. They were good at that sort of thing. 

Light footsteps echoed in the cellar. Not that you needed footsteps to tell when he was nearing you. You knew from the feeling alone. There was a tangible moment of silence before either of you spoke.

“I know.”

Levi quirked a brow, stepping up beside you. Unlike you, he wasn’t in uniform. The damage to his leg was worse than any of you realised, and he’d too been ordered to recover. “I didn’t even say anything.” 

A gentle scoff flew from your lips, your eyes sliding from Annie to Levi. “You didn’t need to. I could tell by your vibes.” 

It was Levi’s turn to laugh slightly, his arm wrapping around your side, keeping you near him. He knew what you were thinking. Could hear your thoughts from the other side of the damn city. You had yet to test the range of the bond, but it was nice to know it was further than just the barracks or however far away you were on the 57th. Staying silent, he waited for you to continue. 

“She took everything, and she just gets to sleep. How is that fair…?” You asked quietly, fighting tooth and nail to keep your brewing tears from sliding down your face. “And we’re left with more questions than answers even after capturing the bitch. We got nothing out of this. And Eld, he…” you trailed off, not quite able to voice the fact that his death was fruitless. All of theirs were. Petra, Gunther, Oluo… they all died for nothing. 

“No. He didn’t,” Levi tilted your head to face him with a finger beneath your chin, “we give their deaths meaning. You know that’s why we fight.” It was a conversation you’d had many times before, and even before you two were together. When caught up in the seemingly endless parade of grief, he would pull you out and give you something to fight for. 

“Yeah. I know…” was all you could say, looking back to the blonde. But Levi wasn’t having any of it, once again turning your head back to face him. You rolled your eyes, but couldn’t stop a smile from pulling at your lips. Always so persistent. “I’ll try to stop thinking about it, okay?” You bargained, earning yourself a sweet kiss on your forehead.

“Good. I’ll know if you don’t.” 

“How much time do you spend in my head?”

“Pretty much all of it.”

You couldn’t even be mad. You knew his own was just as haunted as yours. Maybe you would find equal solace in his mind as he did in yours. It was worth a shot. Not now, not yet, but sometime. 

Having not even noticed he’d led you away and back up the stairs, you were snapped out of your dark reverie by Hange approaching and looking uncharacteristically grim. 

“No luck?” you asked before they’d even spoken. Shaking their head, Hange sighed heavily. They looked more exhausted than you’d ever seen them, even after all-nighter Titan experiments they didn’t look this rough. 

“Not a damn thing. We’ve sent various messengers to outposts within Wall Rose territory. ” You hoped that meant Nanaba would be prepared. You hadn’t even had the chance to say goodbye before she rode off with the 104th. You guessed it made sense to keep them all separated just in case but you couldn’t help but curse the circumstances.

Fuck this week. 

It had been mere hours since the messenger came through, screaming about how Titans had somehow breached another fucking wall, and you could all only assume the Colossal or Armoured would have been the ones to do it. This was too much of a coincidence. You capture the Female, and all of a sudden there’s another breach? They had to be related. 

“Did Annie have any close friends within the 104th? Like, people she would often hang out with…?” you asked slowly, only now making the connection. And it seemed Hange was on the same wavelength. 

“I’ve already asked for a background check on her, should be with me within the next few days.” 

“Oh yeah, Erwin’s theory. If the Colossal and Armoured Titans are shifters too, it makes sense they would also be in the 104th.” Levi murmured, watching the exchange between you and Hange with something you knew was slight awe. Your brain had always been fast, but watching it paired with Hange’s was a spectacle to witness. It had him wondering just how many people you could silently communicate with.

–Just you. Don’t get jealous again.–

–The fact you can have a conversation out loud and also have one in your head simultaneously is fucking terrifying.–

He heard your snort in his mind, still watching you talk with Hange.

–It’s a gift.–

“So what can we do?” You asked Hange, trying not to send a smirk Levi’s way. It didn’t matter, he could feel your amusement anyway.

“We’re heading to Ehrmich District, Pastor Nick’s coming too and we’re taking Eren, Armin, and Mikasa with us.” They explained. You hadn’t really interacted with Armin or Mikasa all that much, but you knew the girl was an Ackerman. It could be a good opportunity to see if she had any insight into your situation with Levi, or if she feels something similar toward Eren. It was obvious enough she’d completely fallen in love with the boy, and since she shared a last name with Levi, maybe there was something there too?

Honestly, you were speculating.

–Don’t expect much from her. She wants me dead.–

–You beat the shit out of the man she loves, you’d be the same if someone kicked my tooth out.–

–...Understandable.–

“And you want us to come with you? Why?” you asked, once again refraining from looking at the man to your left. Which, you’d recently discovered, was almost impossible.

“Babysitting duty!” they informed you, way too cheerily. “I’ll be taking a group to look for the breach and since you're both off active duty for now, I thought it could be a cute couple’s activity to keep an eye on our Pastor.” 

You have never wanted to die more in your life than in this very moment. Were they fucking serious? Babysitting?

“I hate you–”

“So fucking much.” Levi finished, and you both looked at each other, knowing you just made it one thousand times worse by finishing each other’s sentence.

“See? You’re like a married couple already! Plus it’s Erwin’s orders so you can’t back out.” They clapped their hands together excitedly, looking between you as if they were witnessing a proposal. You were surprised how they could be so ecstatic considering the last few days, but Hange was always good at masking grief with insanity. You were glad you knew them so well.

“When are we heading out?” you asked, your voice completely monotone. If you were being completely honest with yourself, you knew you weren’t capable of just sitting and waiting to hear news. You knew Hange had done this for you because though the two of you were completely different, you had your similarities.

Like being unable to stay out of battle, for example. 

As for Levi, he was more sensible than the two of you combined. You knew he wasn’t being dragged along for your benefit alone, but you still appreciated it. Not that he would have stayed somewhere without you. Not yet anyway. The idea of being alone so soon just… he couldn’t.

“Sundown,” they confirmed, running a hand through their hair. “I have a few things to get done before then, but that should give me just enough time.” 

You placed a hand on your hip, clearly about to be here talking for longer than you were expecting to. “Oh? Like what?”

“I have a few tests to run,” you narrowed your eyes at them. “No! No, not on Eren, he’s still exhausted. On something else actually. I have a theory about that Titan crystal that I want to confirm before we leave.”

You nodded thoughtfully. There had been way too many firsts recently. The discovery of a possible four shifters within the 104th cadet corps, Titans in the walls, and now another fucking breach. And you had a terrible feeling this was just the beginning.

–I know.–

As per usual, Levi’s voice brought you no small degree of comfort. This time, you didn’t refrain from looking at him, a soft, grateful smile pulling at your lips. How any single person could be so fucking perfect, you would never know.

–Stop.–

–Hmm. Make me.–

–You’re ridiculous.–

–You’re hot.–

The next look Levi sent you was nothing short of withering as if he’d already grown tired of your bullshit. Which seemed impossible. He loved your bullshit!

–No, I really don’t.–

–Wait… really?– You asked, with a hint of genuine concern. 

Levi paused for a moment. Were you actually worried, or were you just trying to get him to admit that he actually did enjoy your bullshit? 

–...maybe sometimes.–

–HA! Knew it!– you responded, far too smugly for his liking. He suppressed the urge to sweep your leg. If only his own wasn’t badly injured…

“So, how does all of this work?”

You both snapped back to look at Hange, who you’d completely forgotten was there. It wasn’t the first time you’d been so caught up in your little mental conversation that you forgot about the verbal ones, but this was on a whole other level. Hange was right there, and you’d both just ignored them in favour of having your own private little chat.

“What uh– like uh, how does uhm– like– what do you, like, mean?”

–That was possibly one of the greatest butt-fumbles of a question you’ve ever asked.–

–Did you just say butt-fumble?!–

–Concentrate. Hange’s answering.–

–Oh shi- – 

“Well, everyone and their mother, dead or alive, can tell that there’s something deeper here. Deeper than your average cute lil’ relationship, I mean.”

“I will cut you and it will hurt.” 

It took you a minute to figure out who’d said that between you and Levi, having had the exact same thought.

Or was that a thought of his? It was getting hard to tell now. 

“Come on now Levi, ever since we caught your two cuddling on the floor–”

“I was bleeding out!” You protested with indignance. Honestly, Nanaba and Nifa had not stopped talking about that. You almost fucking died!

“An insignificant detail. But a few things have been running through my mind, the first being how could you,” they pointed to Levi, who looked ready to commit arson, “have possibly known she had blown her stitches?”

“I’m right fucking here…” you muttered, causing Levi to snort in your head.

“There was no way she could have told you, and nobody had entered her room since you had to kick the door in. Not only this but there was that day in the field too! We were mid-conversation and you just suddenly took off! Next thing I hear you’d managed to save her life,”

“I’m still right fucking here.” 

“So, how does this all work? Because you can’t be human with the things you’re able to do–”

“What?”

“–and he always manages to save your ass even when he didn’t know it needed saving five seconds beforehand!”

The air around you fell completely silent. You didn’t even begin to question how Hange had managed to work this much out already, because of course they did. This shouldn’t have come as such a surprise if you were being honest, and yet here you were, stunned into silence. 

Levi too found himself mentally floundering for a logical explanation. Because how the fuck would he explain how the bond between you worked when he himself barely knew. He could feel your pain, your pleasure, your emotions. He could see glimpses into a future where, had he failed, you died. Not to mention the fact you could both access a shared space within your combined souls where you couldn’t feel each other and that space could be morphed and crafted into anything. It could be a little cabin for just the two of you, or a giant open field with a lake like it was the first time. But no matter where you were, that glowing tree of pure light was always there. Always.

“What’s your theory?”

Levi turned to you, wide-eyed. Was this it? Were you about to tell them everything? How the bond worked, how it started, and how it’s going now?

Hange’s eyes glinted with newfound enthusiasm. You’d made it into a little game, and they’d picked up on it. It was obvious enough that something was going on between you and Levi, and they had so far guessed right, that this something wasn’t just surface level, and ran so much deeper than anybody could see. 

–Are you out of your fucking mind?–

You almost laughed aloud at the panic in Levi’s voice.

–Just trust me, okay?–

–If Four-eyes ends up running experiments on me, I will never forgive you–

Mischief radiated from the part of his soul that was occupied by you, and he grit his teeth. Fuck’s sake.

“My theory? Well, I haven’t had the time to properly work anything out, but I think Shorty here can do more than he lets on, but of course, you already know that, don’t you?” 

You held up your hands in innocence. “I’m not saying anything until I hear what you think is going on,” you countered, rather enjoying this new game you’d started, even if you knew it stressed the fuck out of your little soulbond. He would be totally fine… no real harm could come from Hange knowing a little more about your relationship. 

You were almost certain.

“Okay so what if, we know Levi has more than human abilities when it comes to fighting, so what if he had more than human abilities when it comes to love? What if his fighting skill wasn’t the only thing he excelled at. What if communication was something he could do on an insane level too?”

“That's ridiculous–”

“I’m listening…”

These synchronised responses were a tad suspicious, you would admit. And yet it only seemed to further Hange’s excitement in the two of you.

“Okay so! What if, hear me out, he could communicate with you, on like, another level…?”

–How crazy would that be?– Well that made it borderline impossible not to snort in Hange’s face.

–Levi…?–

–Mm?–

–Not helpful.–

“Like, how do you mean?” You were more than happy to bite. More than happy to entertain this with the slightest hint of sarcasm, hoping that would throw them slightly. Conversational politics, something you’d learned from Erwin many years ago. And though you still stand by the fact you weren’t brave enough for politics, it was still nice to use all that he’d taught you when he was your captain.

“So, and bear with me here, what if he could somehow communicate with you without anyone else hearing. Like, in your head or something?”

Your eyes widened slightly. Oh fuck, they really did have a lot figured out, didn’t they? You stared at them for a moment, both hearing and feeling Levi freak the fuck out. This wasn’t exactly how you were expecting this conversation to go…

“Hange…?

They looked at you like a puppy faced with a bone. “Yeah?”

You paused.

“That’s fucking ridiculous.” You flatlined, before subtly kicking Levi’s foot and walking away without another word. It wasn’t that you enjoyed watching the misplaced hype fade from their eyes, but when it came to something so secret and special as the bond between you and your soulmate, you didn’t mind letting them down a few times. 

Levi followed you, and if he didn’t love you so damn much, he probably would have killed you for pulling a stunt like that. But there was something about the confident way you walked, the slight swing in your hips like you knew he was watching you. 

–Of course I know… and we have a few hours before Hange wants us on that cart…– he knew that tone in your voice. That slightly sultry cadence drove him batshit crazy and worst of all, you knew it drove him insane.

–...What did you have in mind?–

Levi’s back hit the door to his office with a solid thud, the sound of the sliding lock securing his arousal as you pinned his arms above his head with your threaded fingers. If his mouth was free, he would have whimpered along with the shot of heat running through his spine. But with your tongue thrust down his throat, he could only manage a choked squeak of approval. He fucking loved it when you were bold like this. When you took control. When you slammed him against the wall and made him forget his own damn name. 

Combined moans danced with each other when you forced your leg between his thighs, applying delicious pressure to the borderline painful strain against the front of his slacks. You were rabid, vicious, desperate with your other hand, ripping his jacket from his shoulders. Your mouth travelled from his tongue to his jaw, setting his voice free from the confines of his throat, breathy gasps flying from parted lips. You nipped and bit with tongue and teeth, sharply pinching down the side of his neck, a particularly sensitive weakness. 

“Sh-shit, someone’s ea-AH! Fuck! Eager,” you interrupted him with a bite to the spot just behind his ear. That paired with the bold grasp of his clothed cock after tearing his jacket off sent his brain short circuiting. 

You didn’t know where this sudden craving for his body came from. Sure, you always wanted to fuck him, you didn’t think there was a minute in a day where you couldn’t happily discard your clothes for him if he asked, but where this specific craving came from, you weren’t entirely sure. You just had the sudden urge to shove his dick in your mouth.

“Fuck, you can’t think shit like that… n-not when-ngh, not when I can-n still hear it.” You stifled your heated chuckle by sucking a bruise into the side of his neck, groaning along with him when your cunt throbbed. You hadn’t even thought about the idea of pleasuring yourself purely by pleasuring him, but now that seed had been planted in your head, you were definitely going to abuse the power the moment the chance arose. 

“Keep your hands up,” you instructed, threading your fingers out from his grasp. To your surprise, he actually obeyed for once, his palms now flat against the door behind him as you tore his shirt out from where he’d tucked it into his pants. You didn’t even bother to undo the buttons, just shoved it up his stomach until you had access to his peaked nipples, flicking and pinching until he cried out and your eyes rolled, once again latching onto his neck. 

Levi knew you’d left a mark he wouldn’t be able to cover up easily, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care right now. Now when all he could do was rake his nails down the wood behind him as you started to travel down his chest, skipping his covered collarbones. A small mercy, but a mercy nonetheless. 

Now you had the freedom to, you couldn’t count how many purple blossoms you’d suckled into pecs, crescent bite marks flushing pink against his pale skin, pebbled nipples now sensitive and raw. You popped one into your mouth, gripping his waist with one hand when you felt his crowing pleasure as your own. It was impossible to stem the constant thrumming of your clit when the tip of his cock kept rubbing against the front of his seam. Levi bucked his hips impatiently as you slowed down the pace of your actions, licking a hard line from his naval up to the centre of his chest. Having to hold his shirt up was getting frustrating, restricting the use of both your hands. You’d almost abandoned his chest completely, before a wicked idea sprouted in your mind.

Levi could feel it, the sudden spark of mischief in your heart, and before he could even truly decipher what it was you had planned, you stood back up and shoved the bottom of his shirt between his teeth, gagging his keening moans. You took a small step back, just to admire his appearance. Flushed all over, painted black and blue by your teeth, rosy pink dusting his cheeks and sweat dripping down the side of his pinched brows. A new painting, you thought to yourself.

–Come. On–

You grinned. Even in your head he sounded as desperate as he looked. Though you could feel it too, the tightening coil of arousal. But toying with him has become one of your favourite pastimes. “I’m just admiring the view, you look fucking delicious ‘Vi.”

Despite his current situation, he still managed to roll his eyes. –I’m not above getting myself off if you don’t hurry up–

Oh. Oh that was a mistake. He knew the moment your eyes lit up and his cock throbbed as an echo of your own pussy. 

You stepped back up to him, keeping searing eye contact as your fingers deftly unhooked his belt and slowly pulled down the front of his zipper. “Yeah? Show me then.” 

There was nothing he could do against the dare in your voice, and especially not as you reached into his briefs, pulling out his desperately soaking cock. He watched you bite your cheek at the first brush of your hand, your lips parting as you couldn’t help but pump him slightly, too lost in your own growing pleasure. 

Levi arched his back off the door behind him and into your loose fist, forgetting all about your little challenge when your thumb circled his head, your cheek falling against his shoulder. It was all he could do to remember to breathe through the now sodden shirt clamped between his teeth, ragged gasps fueling your movements. 

His voice cracked as you squeezed the base of his shaft, eyes screwed closed and hands balling tight. 

“Not yet…” you panted against his neck, before setting him free completely and walking backwards until your thighs hit the desk behind you. From here, you removed your own belt, pulling down your pants and underwear in one motion. Levi didn’t know what you had planned, but his eyes instantly honed in on your soaking cunt the moment you hopped up onto the desk and spread yourself for him. 

“I want you to watch my pussy throb around nothing as you fuck yourself with your fist. And before you ask, no I won’t be touching myself.”

Levi almost came there and then. That had to have been the single hottest thing you’d ever said to him. Though the idea was cruel, the tip of his cock leaked at the idea. 

–Fuck… you’re serious?–

“Completely.”

–Do I have to keep this fucking thing in my mouth?–

“You want me to find something else to gag you with?” The idea of stuffing your underwear in his mouth did spring to mind, but it was too much of a hassle to take your boots off. Plus, it was so much hotter this way, you got to see the extent of what your previous administrations did to his chest.

–Shit, okay… can I use both hands?–

“Nope. Just one.”

–Fuck you’re cruel today–

“You gonna keep me waiting?”

With a huff of indignance, Levi left one of his hands to claw at the wood behind him, the other coming down to clasp his aching cock. You both moaned in unison, every stroke down his shaft feeling like he was inside you, your walls fluttering against nothing. 

You’d instructed him to watch your cunt, something he thought he could do with ease, but when he grasped his dripping head and swirled his thumb around his tip, he fought tooth and nail against the instinct to throw his head back. 

You, on the other hand, did no such thing. “Fuck ‘Vi… like that. Oh shit, feels… fuck that feels good,” you breathed, feeling your clit pulse with a phantom touch. You still had every intention of sucking him off, but for now you just wanted to feel, content to keen and writhe as you relished every languid pump of his cock.

Every instinct was screaming at him to cross the room and bury himself deep inside your walls, seeing you so wet and ready for him. But he would be good today. This was something new that neither of you had thought of before, and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying it more than he thought he would. He watched you gush, your hips lifting off the desk as his hand applied pressure, sparking another cracked moan from his barred lips. 

Before, the idea of getting himself off was never really appealing. It was only since this had started did he actively enjoy it, most likely because he knew you were feeling good too. So, with newfound courage, Levi ran his thumb down the vein on the underside of his shaft, crying out with the sharp spike of euphoria in his blood. 

You obviously weren’t unaffected. “Yes! Fuh–ahaah! Fuck…! Ag-again!” 

He was yours to command, and so complied with your wish, once again thumbing down the sensitive vein. A sob wracked from his chest, bringing your back to reality.

–Please! I… I can’t fucking- NGH! Please…!– 

“Y-you want my f-ah! Want my fingers?” you asked, throwing your previous promise of not touching yourself out the window. 

Levi’s hair bounced with a vigorous nod, only now craving that toe-curling sensation he felt when you hit that particularly sensitive spot inside you. 

You made a show of sucking on your fingers, eyes still rolling as he continued to pleasure you both, before slowly pushing them through your folds. Levi’s gasp blended into a high pitched sob as you teased your own cunt. He’d actually been the one to help you find your g-spot, instructing you through heavy lashes until he too was keening. You could find it without much effort now, and when you finally pushed against it, Levi let his shirt fall.

“NGHA-HAAH! Shit! Oh fuck fuck FUCK!” You didn’t say anything when the back of his head hit the door, eyes screwed shut again as he desperately bucked his hips into his fist, picturing your pussy sucking him in. Neither of you had had the time to explore where in him you could tease until he went cross eyed, finding the same result this way. But he knew you wanted to, and deep down, he knew he wanted to too. Nothing had ever felt this good. 

Goosebumps started to prickle your skin as you curled your fingers, his wanton cries an orchestra to your performance. Though this wasn’t exactly what you had in mind when you’d provoked him earlier, this was so much better. The room became a symphony of ecstasy, neither of you able to voice anything other than pure, unadulterated pleasure. 

You stilled your fingers at the same moment Levi stilled his hand, looking at each other with nothing but burning desire, both of you heaving for oxygen.

“You let the shirt fall…” you rasped, voice slightly raw. Levi opened his mouth to reply, but just at that moment you curled your fingers inside yourself again, sending him back into a stuttering, moaning mess.

“I– ah-haah! W-wasn’t my fault!” It wasn’t the attitudinal retort he wanted to have, but that seemed impossible when you were still inadvertently fucking him. 

Sliding your fingers from your cunt, you both sighed slightly at the loss, before you finally took the time to remove your boots, pulling your pants and underwear off completely. 

Levi stood still against the door, catching his breath for a moment. Neither of you had come yet, likely making this the longest you have lasted in each other’s presence. Hopping off the desk, Levi watched as your hips swing with each step towards him, and when you held out your hand, he willingly took your wrist, lapping up your tacky slick from your fingers. 

You removed them from his tongue’s reach, replacing them with your own mouth as you kissed him hard. You felt him shiver as you once again grasped his cock, your eyes fluttering as you finally sank to your knees before him. He could barely stand to look at you, all of a sudden so submissive before him, and the moment you wrapped your lips around his tip, vibrations caressing his head from your own moaning, his head once again hit the door. 

“Fuuuuuck… like that… just l-like that, shit…!” your tongue caressed his frenulum, hand twisting and pumping around what couldn’t fit in your mouth. Your eyes closed as your highs approached, having kept them from another for far too long. Hollowing your cheeks, you sucked against his tip hard, drawing a staggered whimper from his chest. “C-cum!! Gonna cum, fuck! G…gah-ah! Gonna fucking cum…!” 

Your nails dug crescents into the milky skin of his waist, knowing the maintenance of your movements will bring you both crashing over the edge. And the moment Levi’s hands threaded through your hair and his hips bucked bruisingly into your mouth, you cried out around his cock as your high hit you, his spilling cum hitting the back of your throat.

Having lost control of his body, Levi’s back bowed in a steep arch, barely able to intake a gasp of breath before pure euphoria injected into his veins, balls tightening before releasing down your throat in sharp spikes of ecstasy. He vaguely registered you too hitting your high, the slight pain from your nails only heightening his pleasure. A long, pitched wail flew past his lips, thighs shaking as he fought to stay on his feet, his muscles having turned to liquid honey.

Caught up in the throes of your orgasm, your nose brushed the coarse hairs on his shuddering naval, having fallen forward without much care for his cock shoving further down your throat. Levi hissed as you whined around his overly-sensitive member, still twitching in the confines of your mouth, before gently moving your head back, setting you both free. 

You chuckled softly, resting your forehead against his thigh as you both basked in the afterglow, taking a moment to catch your breaths, your thumb smoothing over the red marks you’d left around his waist, shivering slightly as you felt them burn into your own skin. 

“Where… the hell… did that come from?” Levi breathed, his fingers curling through your hair, gently massaging against your scalp. Sex between you two was good. He was never going to deny that. The whole feeling each other thing was fucking incredible, but there was something about you ordering him to watch you cunt and get off to it that almost made him harden again. 

“Not too sure to be honest… but I wanna experiment a bit with it…”

“Tch, you sound like Hange.” 

The breath of your laughter huffed against his thigh, and it was only now did he realise that there really wasn’t a lot of mess to clean up, since he’d finished down your throat. The only real mess there was currently dripped from between your thighs, and it took all the power in his blood not to drop to the floor and clean you with his tongue.

“Wish we had the time…” you responded to the thought, shakily rising to your feet, your legs feeling weak both from kneeling and cumming your brains out. Levi thread his hands through his hair, sighing in blissful relief, only opening his eyes when he felt your thumb against the tender spot on the side of his neck, testing the bruise he knew you were looking at.

“Is it bad?”

“Uhm…” your voice was too pitched for his liking, eyes narrowing at your sheepish expression. “It’s… you have any scarfs…?” 

Levi sighed heavily. He couldn’t be mad, not when every high you gave him was better than the previous one, but he did start to question your motives.

“I am not being possessive! I just get carried away sometimes, we both know that.” You pouted, pushing off him and crossing the room back towards your clothes. He wasn’t letting you get away with this though, not so easily. Stuffing himself back into his briefs and zipping up his slacks, Levi couldn’t be bothered to tuck his shirt back in before reaching you in two broad strides, wrapping his arms around your half naked waist and sucking a deep, biting bruise into the exact same spot on your own neck, making a twin to the now fading one on the other side. 

You instantly melted into his touch, gasping lightly as you felt his teeth sink into your skin. A drunk smile pulled at your lips, your brain hazing for a moment, before he stopped suckling and pressed another, lighter kiss against your jaw. 

“There. Now we’re even.”

“Not nearly, I still have this one.” you didn’t sound as put together as you would have liked, but the mere thought seemed impossible when you could feel him smiling against your neck. 

It hit you like a punch from a Titan there and then. A singular thought that could ruin hundreds of moments. They wouldn’t get this. None of them would. They would never be able to experience something like this again. Why was it so right that you did? Grief constricted your breathing to the point where you pulled away from him, wordlessly tugging your clothes back on.

And of course, Levi knew what had happened. Knew exactly what you were thinking. He could hear it loud and clear in his own head. With everything that had happened lately, you hadn’t had the time to process your sorrow. Over the last two or three days, Levi had found himself awoken by your presence trying to make a home in his mind, terrified of your own. You didn’t want to be there, still tormented by guilt and hollowed sorrow. 

“Sorry…” you mumbled, running an exhausted hand through your slightly sweaty hair. “Ruined it, right?” you couldn’t help offering him a melancholy and sheepish smile, now feeling guilty for ruining what was a really nice moment between the two of you. Though the mask dropped when you felt a phantom warmth descend around you. Levi knew you didn’t always like to be physically comforted, but he could still give you the feeling without touching you.

“Never.” he responded gently, reaching his hand out slightly apprehensively, waiting to see if you would shy away or accept the offer. And to his relief, you pressed your arm into his open hand, letting him guide you into his embrace. He knew this had been particularly tough on you. Though his squad was his family too, he still had Hange and Erwin. But you’d never bonded with them as much as you had with your departed friends. They were your family, he knew that. “You’re okay.”

You wanted to nod, but you couldn’t lie to him. You weren’t, but you had to be. You didn’t have a choice right now. These brief moments of weakness were all you were permitting yourself. Anything more and you would take it too far, losing control of your emotions and slipping back into that state Levi had to drag you out from. You wouldn’t put him through that again. It wasn’t fair. 

“I just, I miss them so fucking much.” The tears you shed now weren’t ones of pleasure, but of pain. Of mourning the loss of time to mourn your family properly. He knew. Of course he knew. He would always know. But there was something so heartbreaking about hearing you admit it out loud.  

“It’s bad today, isn’t it?” He asked, softly placing his head atop your own in a successful attempt to bring you comfort, if the way you buried your face into his bruised neck was anything to judge by. 

–Yeah–

You were too afraid your voice would crack if you said anything out loud anymore, wanting more than anything to sink into his skin and disappear from the world, to let his half of your soul consume you and keep you. It hurt to breathe, knowing that they would never breathe again. It hurt to smile and laugh. It hurt to love as deeply as you do now. 

–I know, I know– 

Levi’s voice filled your head, fighting back those thoughts of your undeserved survival. You didn’t think you’d need to hear the reasons to fight again so soon after he uttered them not so long ago, but he was right. It was bad today. Maybe that was why you had him against the door like that, but the idea of using him as a distraction was even worse.

–You know that doesn’t matter to me–

Yes, you knew, but it didn’t help. Letting yourself feel would help, but you didn’t have the time. Neither of you did. And with the news of the recent breach… you didn’t know when you would have the time. And with your injuries, you couldn’t keep yourself busy. You couldn’t ride out with your comrades in this state. You were fucking useless. She was right, this whole time. You’d let your family die, you’re too weak to fight. You hadn’t thought about her in a while, but your grandmother was right. 

“Enough.”

All thoughts in your head ceased. 

Levi used a tone that he knew would get you to shut up, a tone he knew would grind your spiral to a complete halt. Because though it was soft, it was stony. It was a command from your Captain and an order from your bond. 

“Shit… yeah, sorry.” you drew in a slow, deep breath, feeling Levi assist to calm your accelerating heartbeat. When the time would come, you weren’t sure, but you were sure that it wasn’t now. You would get to mourn them, just not yet. 

Drawing you from his chest, Levi cupped your face with both hands, smoothing away the remains of tears beneath your eyes and down your cheeks with his thumbs. “Alright?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m okay. Thanks,” you reassured, though your lover didn’t look convinced. 

“You have to let yourself be happy…” 

“Damn, and that’s coming from you.” 

Though it was a low blow, Levi was just relieved you were back to your old self somewhat. Under any other circumstance, he would have at least attempted to hide his soft smile, would have tried to feign irritation. But he couldn’t find it in himself. “Oi, I’m trying, okay?” 

Maybe he could feign a little irritation. Just a little.

You huffed a light chuckle, placing one of your palms atop his scarred knuckles. “Guess we both have to try a little harder.” Pressing your lips to his, you sealed the promise, nothing but love now radiating from your mind. It settled his heart, a kiss of a different passion. No heat, just purity. 

Fuck did he love you. And he would tell you one day, with his words, not just his thoughts.

“There’s no rush.” He felt you were unable to say that with complete honesty. There was always the constant pressure of time breathing down your necks. The unforeseeable future where one of you, or maybe even both of you, may be dead without ever getting to hear those words. 

Like pulling a thread, Levi chased a memory he’d all but forgotten until now. “Do. Not. Lose. Her.”

“Who told you that?” You asked, quirking an intrigued brow. 

“Honestly? Not sure. But it’s the second time I heard it when pulling you from your weird mind lake thing.”

“Hey!”

Levi smirked briefly at your offended façade, before resuming recounting what had happened from his perspective, now you could both talk about it without reopening any wounds. “The door between my head and the bond, it wouldn’t open. I couldn’t get to you. This voice told me to break it,” he turned to lean back against the desk just as you hopped atop it, crossing your ankles.

“What did they sound like?”

“Fucking patronising.”

You snorted. Only Levi would have said something like that about a disembodied voice he couldn’t identify. “Idiot, I meant like, how old? Where from? Did he have an accent like that Sasha girl?”

“Sasha has an accent?”

“Sometimes, though I haven’t really heard her speak much, there's a certain lilt to her voice.” It reminded you of the way Oluo used to speak, before he saw Levi as his new religion and changed his entire image. That first day was hilarious.

Fuck.

“No, she doesn’t have an accent.” He continued, knowing what you’d just thought about and wanting to squash another spiral before it even happened. 

“It’s a woman?”

“I think so… the first time it was indistinguishable but… thinking back now…” his heart clenched. “It sounded like my mother.”

Your eyes widened slightly. Was that possible? 

Levi swallowed thickly before continuing on. “Not in the way she spoke, but in the way her voice sounded. Pitch, cadence, tone… everything. I was too focused on you to really process but… it was her.” 

You covered his hand braced on the edge of the desk. Despite his calm exterior, Levi was a constant maelstrom of emotions, and you did find yourself struggling at times to decipher what exactly he was feeling. Now was a good example, where you couldn’t tell if he was comforted or haunted by the idea of his mother talking to him. 

“‘Vi…”

“At least, the voice was the same. Pretty sure my mother would never say ‘Now is not the time to doubt, blood of mine. Break the door. Do. Not. Lose her.’” He quoted exactly what he remembered being told that night. It was guidance, though brutal as it was. 

You bit your lip in thought, watching as Levi’s tongue darted out to smooth the small phantom hurt. You really must remember to stop doing that so much. “‘Blood of mine’ ? Are all Ackerman’s connected to each other?” you asked, kind of wishing you had told Hange about the bond now. Maybe they could have helped decipher.

“Hard to say. I’ve never heard or felt anything before. Not even around Mikasa, and she’s an Ackerman.”

“You could just share the same last name and nothing more?” It was a weak suggestion, but a possibility nonetheless.

“I would have agreed had I not seen the reports of her strength and then seen it with my own eyes. You saw how she fought the Female Titan. That’s no regular strength.”

“You sayin’ I couldn’t have done something like that?” you asked, eyes flashing with cheeky mischief. Levi clicked his tongue, his own eyes rolling.

“She’s what, fifteen? Yes, I’m saying you couldn’t have done something like that at fifteen years old.”

“You didn’t even know me at fifteen years old!” you protested indignantly. “In fact, I–”

You were rudely cut off by Levi slapping his hand over your mouth, giving you a warning look. Returning his glare, you stuck your tongue out to lick the palm of his hand in petty defiance. Something which earned you nothing but a raise of his brow. 

Point taken.

“It’s weird though,” you began after he removed his hand. “Why can’t you hear any of this when I’m like, not drowning in my mental health held together with a piece of fraying string?”

Levi sighed again, really wishing you wouldn’t talk about your own emotions like that, but now wasn’t the time to bring that up. “Not sure, I guess it only happens when I need it to?” he sounded as unsure as you did, which made sense considering neither of you knew what the fuck was really going on. 

“Think it has something to do with the weird tree thing?” 

He knew what you were talking about, and honestly, it was a sound theory. “I do find it weird that no matter where we’ve chosen, that tree will always be there somewhere,” He sighed, sliding a tired hand down the side of his face. “I’m sorry, I wish I knew more, but I’m as clueless as you are, despite this all coming from me.” 

Your cheek against his shoulder was a welcome presence, strands of your hair tickling the underside of his jaw. “It would feel off-balanced if you knew more than I did anyway,” you reassured him. “Still, I would like to talk to Mikasa. It’s not me she hates, so maybe she’d open up a bit more.”

“I have a feeling it would be a little like trying to get me to open up without knowing me for as long as you have.”

“So I have no hope? Unless I get her to fall in love with me and then she forms a bond with me,” you joked, before the genuine question arose in your head. “Wait yeah, what if something like that did happen? Like, if there were more people with your blood, what if two people managed to bond to the same person?” 

Levi shrugged, causing your head to tilt slightly. “It seems unlikely. If Ackermans are all connected, I don’t think whatever the bond is would let that happen. If it did…” he slid his eyes to where you were peering at him from his shoulder. “They’d probably duel or some shit.”

You barked a laugh, rising to stretch your arms above your head. “The sheer number of references you make to Frederik and Jules is absolutely appalling Levi Ackerman. Honestly, have you no shame?” Hopping off the desk, you crossed the room to unlock the door, thinking it would be a little suspicious if someone tried to enter whilst the bolt was across. 

“Clearly not, I bonded with you, didn’t I?” 

You swivelled, gaping at his audacity. It took you a moment to truly register what he had said, before taking a book from the shelf nearest you and throwing it in his general direction. “Rudeness! Rudeness of the highest insult!” 

Whatever poor piece of literature you’d thrown at him was easily dodged, landing harmlessly behind the desk. “You can’t throw books at me, I’m injured.”

“You can’t throw insults at me, so am I!” you folded your arms, managing to keep his little devious smirk from cracking the defences in your expression. No, you will absolutely not let him get away with this! 

“Yeah, you will.”

“Oh yeah? What makes you so sure?” you challenged, your expression still masked hard. Though as the moments lingered on and he kept looking at you like that, your resolve started to waver. “Fuck’s sake, I’m worse than Erwin and he let you get away with literal murder.” 

“Speaking of which, how didn’t I know you two were old friends?” he asked, finally tucking his shirt back in and retrieving the black jacket you’d all but thrown to the floor, dusting it off with a barely veiled look of disdain. 

“Likely because we barely talk as old friends anymore. He got caught up in being a Commander and I got caught up in wrangling you,” Levi raised a suggestive brow, pulling a laugh from your chest. “I didn’t mean it like that, but yes that as well. I meant in a ‘making sure you actually became a soldier and figuratively beating the shit out of anyone who called you a rat’ kind of way.”

Levi’s eyes widened slightly. He didn’t know you’d done that for him. You rolled your eyes, now trying to play it off. “Don’t let it get to your head. I almost fought my best friend the day we all met Isabel because she called her a criminal or some shit,” you couldn’t escape the slight blush in your cheeks. Yes, you’d done it in Isabel’s memory somewhat, but you’d also done it because you’d taken a liking to him from quite early on. 

“I remember that…” it was the first time he’d bore witness to your fight. To a fire he’d now sworn to never let dwindle, and to protect at all costs. “Still, in all the years I’ve known Erwin, he’s not once mentioned you.”

“Guess he’s just as rude as you are then.” You had seen the opportunity and seized it with both hands, smirking slightly at his resulting scoff. “I think I might know why, though.”

Levi perked up slightly. “Oh?”

“That same evening after I met you and fought with Nana, we had a conversation. Erwin and I. We both knew he would likely be made Commander soon, meaning his squad would be left captainless,” Levi listened silently. He’d never heard you speak about the day he first met you, having not even discussed the tea you shared that day. “He told me I should take the offer to be made captain. I told him that I couldn’t.”

He didn’t know for sure, but Levi could hazard a guess. You’d lost faith in your abilities after what happened to Ilse.

“I don’t think he took it very well. He seemed kinda disappointed. But after that he was made Commander pretty quickly and yeah, that was that.” You didn’t particularly want to go into any more detail than that. Dragging up old, suppressed memories now wasn’t exactly a good idea, considering your current unstable mental state. Levi could see for himself if he wanted to, you’d already given him permission to see any memories he may deem necessary to understand you more as a person.  

“I see,” was all he could say in response. Pressing with further questions didn’t seem like a good idea, and the last thing he wanted to do was make you feel any more uncomfortable with the conversation. 

“So yeah, that’s about it. He was Captain of my squad, asked me to take over, I refused, you took the position instead.”

…Well he didn’t know that.

“Sorta why I’ve been indebted to you from the beginning. If you hadn’t shown up with your crazy abilities and shitty attitude I probably wouldn’t be here now.” You smiled, though it didn’t take a detective to see the slight pain behind it. Whatever that meant, he didn’t want to know, but with the bond being what it was, it didn’t seem like him joining the Scouts was a decision he made at all. But rather something else blessed by fate. Not that he was much of a believer in that kind of thing. 

“You owe me nothing.”

“Well I know that now, yeah.”

“You owed me nothing back then, too.”

The room was silent for a moment, before you shattered it with a soft sigh. “I wish this had happened sooner. Between us, I mean.”

Levi crossed over to where you were leaning on the very same bookshelf you’d chucked a book from, once again taking you effortlessly into his embrace. He had the same thoughts so often. He wished he could have told you years ago. It wasn’t exactly love at first sight between you two, but he savoured his memories of the rocky start. The biting insults soon turned playful. The cleaning punishment morphing into shared time together. Though he wished he’d had you sooner, he wouldn’t trade watching you flounder around Eld for all the romance novels in the world. 

You drew back, clearly having heard what he was thinking. “Really?

“It was pretty damn funny watching the two of you.”

Your forehead fell against his shoulder as you let out a long groan of embarrassment. “Fuck’s sake, even Erwin saw that.”

“He spoke to you about it?”

“Yeah, on the expedition. He wanted to extend his congratulations to us, which I thought was kinda nice of him, though he had a few other things to say….”

Levi looked at you, his eyes hard. “I assume he warded you away from me?”

“Not exactly. It was nicer than that, actually. He just told me to be careful.” you recalled the conversation in your head, sending snippets of visuals down the bond. Levi nodded, entertaining the image of you and Erwin by the campfire, having a surprisingly deep conversation, considering the circumstances. Though you left out the part where he told you not to hurt him. You were already afraid of doing that, but Levi didn’t need to know.

It must have been fate listening in, that there was a knock on the door just at this moment. You both looked at each other, the rapping sound breaking you both out of the little domestic bubble you so often found yourselves in nowadays. In a moment, you’d lifted a spare chair from the corner up to the desk to avoid the noise of dragging it along the wooden floorboards, and Levi had sat himself down, hunching over so it looked as if you were both completely caught up in paperwork. 

“Come in.” he’d managed to morph his voice so it sounded mundane, as if he’d been doing this for hours. You couldn’t help but admire the adaptability. You guess you really weren’t the only chameleon in the room.

Moments after, a brown haired messenger announced themselves, opening the door with surprising flamboyance. “Captain Levi, Sir! Commander Erwin has asked for you, Sir! He wants to meet with you immediately, Sir!” 

If you had taken a shot for everytime this guy had said sir you’d be well on your way to a good night out. However, there wasn’t time for things like that right now.

“Alright, I hear you. Dismissed.”

You snorted at the overenthusiastic salute the cadet made, before marching off to the left. He couldn’t have been any older than seventeen, poor kid. 

Levi stood with a sigh, clearly not thrilled about the idea of a meeting, but you both knew what it was likely going to be about. You guessed neither of you had confirmed you’d go along with Hange. 

“Guess you’ve been summoned,” you raised a brow as he walked around the desk, watching his hard expression set. You stood, catching him before he walked off and pressing your thumb in the crease between his brows, smoothing the tension from his face. “You can’t get this grumpy every time you’re called away.”

Levi huffed, though appreciating the attempt you made to caress away his stress. “When we don’t have a lot of time together anyway, I think I'm perfectly entitled to get this grumpy when it’s cut short.”

You grinned, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Can’t argue with that. Make sure you let him know, hm?”

He rolled his eyes, though a smile still pulled at his lips. He masked it by moulding them into yours. “See you later.” He murmured, giving your arm a quick squeeze before he headed out the door. You hated how much you missed his presence when he was gone. 

The pendulum clock on the wall ticked by for all of five minutes before a lead balloon of dread sank into the depths of your stomach. His voice was instantly in your head.

–What? What’s wrong? You alright?–

–Levi…?–

–What?!–

–Your neck.–

Silence. You didn’t hear anything for what felt like an eternity, before his single word response had you cackling.

–Fuck.–

When the blanket of night settled over the world and a slight chill blew in the wind, you hugged your jacket closer around your shoulders, trying to stave the cold from getting to your bones. Though you’d healed fairly well, your leg still sang a melancholy song of pain with each step you took, earning yourself a slight limp. Your other wounds had healed nicely, slices closing up from your brow to your stomach. It was only really your leg that posed a problem now, though you’d been left with some pretty heft scars. Nothing new.

Walking through the courtyard, soldiers were busying themselves with packing supplies, crates of metal canisters, spare blades, boxes of field rations all being loaded onto various carts. You’d hidden it from Levi, but you intended to go with the group to search the wall. Orders be damned, you weren’t about to sit back and let everyone else do the work for you. You were physically incapable of doing that, and you also knew Levi would overestimate your ability to put sensibility above recklessness. Besides, you weren’t exactly lying…

You just hadn’t admitted the entire truth to him yet. Though it still weighed on you as a betrayal of his trust. Plus it actively drained you to hide things in your mind from him, which you guess made sense. It went against everything the bond was about.

Being caught up in thought, you didn’t see a blonde boy crossing paths with you from the right, almost crashing straight into him. It was only because you heard Eren’s voice and looked up because of it did you manage to stop the collision. 

“Shit, sorry kid, you alright?” you asked, looking back to see where he could have possibly come from. 

“Ah, yeah, I-I’m okay! Sorry, wasn’t looking where I was going,” he explained sheepishly, and you couldn't help but notice a weird resemblance to Erwin. Though this kid’s hair was longer, they had the same star-seeing eyes. 

“Nah, you’re good. Totally my fault, though you looked as deep in thought as I was. Something on your mind?” you don’t really know what prompted you to ask, but he just looked so troubled, you couldn’t help yourself.

“O-oh! No it’s nothing. Just… thinking about the Titan in the walls… and how he got there.” 

You let your mind run for a bit, before finally, realising who the kid was. Were you getting slow in your old age? 

Nah, that can’t be right. You weren’t that old for fuck’s sake.

“Ahh, you must be Armin, right? Eren’s friend?” you asked, earning yourself a look of surprise. “Vice Captain of the Levi Squad, looks like I’ll be riding with you guys.” In an instant, Armin’s fist thumped against his chest in a salute of respect.

“Ma’am! I wasn’t certain at first, but I thought it might have been you. It’s a pleasure to meet you,”

You waved off the salute, unable to help feeling as though you don’t deserve such a show of respect. Your squadmates were dead, afterall, you thought bitterly. “You’re fine, put that away, it’s not meant for me. You’re the one who had the theory about Annie, right?” You asked, now walking alongside the kid to where his friends were already in the cart. 

“Uh, sort of. It was really Commander Erwin and Section Commander Hange, I just suggested who it could be, it wasn’t–”

“Thank you, Armin. I los–” you stopped yourself. This poor kid didn’t need to hear about who you lost to that monster. “A lot of good soldiers died because of her. You helped us take a huge step in this fight for humanity,” Keeping your voice steady despite wanting to scream inside was something you’d become very good at, likely since losing Ilse. “We owe a lot to you and your friends.”

“Haha, Mikasa and Eren did most of the heavy lifting, I just helped with figuring it out.”

He clearly wasn’t used to giving himself credit. If Levi were here, he’d say something stupid like–

–Doesn’t give himself enough credit huh? Sound familiar?–

You huffed, setting your jaw. How did he always know?

–I have no idea what you’re talking about– you bit back defensively. –No it does not sound familiar, thank you very much. And shouldn’t you be concentrating?–

Warm laughter filled your head, and you couldn’t help but let it consume you, thawing your frozen bones. 

–Meeting’s finished. It was about what we thought. Coming up with Nick now. Just waiting on Hange.–

–You only talk in short sentences now? We’re not out in the field, we can talk in full sentences here–

You could hear him sigh almost in disappointment. A terrible dread obscured your thoughts. Did he know already? If he already knew, then this was about to be an awful conversation.

–You know, you’re not subtle. And I’m not stupid.–

–...Levi…–

–You know you can tell me these things, right?–

You muttered various curses, causing the poor young blond walking next to you to cast you a worried look. Shit. “Oh, no not you Armin. Just… remembering something. Don’t worry.”

“Oh… I see…” he responded awkwardly, clearly not knowing what else to say. It didn’t matter to you at the moment. Levi knew of your intentions to accompany the party to the walls, and also knew you’d kept it from him. 

–I… yeah, I know. I just, I knew you would try to stop me. I know it’s not the smartest thing to do in my condition, and I know my orders, but I just… I can’t just sit and let everyone do everything around me. I can’t just stay out of it… you know that.– you confessed. Though you were surprised he was so accepting about it. Honestly you were kind of expecting him to go all protective Levi mode and start trying to talk you out of it.

–The fuck are you talking about? And what do you mean by ‘protective Levi mode’???–

Oh. 

Shit.

–Wait. Was this not what you were talking about…?–

–...No.–

–Fuck.–

–Fuck indeed. We don’t have the time to talk about this now.–

–’Vi, I– –

–No. Later.–

Well fuck. That wasn’t exactly the best outcome. What the fuck could he possibly have been talking about if not that? Had he asked Erwin anything? Had he asked–

Then it hit you, a memory that didn’t belong to you.

“You spoke to her. Around the campfire that night. What did you say?” Levi asked, almost unable to look up from the floor. He was on his way out before Erwin called after him, just to wish him congratulations. It had been unexpected, but not unwelcome. But now he couldn’t even look at the man.

“Nothing of importance. Just congratulating her as well. And warning her from hurting you in any way,” he chuckled as if it were simply something trivial. “I know you’re strong, Levi, but I need you focused. Heartbreak doesn’t do much for a soldier’s motivation.” 

“You know you can just say you were looking out for me, no need for this whole charade,” He rolled his eyes, finally recovering after getting slapped in the face yet again by the realisation that people cared for him. “What did she say in return?”

Erwin sighed, lacing his fingers in front of his nose in thought. “That it was one of her greatest fears, hurting you. And knowing you, you likely have the same thought, no?”

Levi tensed his jaw. He knew hurting each other was a fear within your relationship, considering recent events, but he didn’t know it was your greatest fear. Why hadn’t you told him? You’d told him everything else… right? He was snapped out of his thoughts by Erwin, clearing his throat. 

“I see, I thought she would have told you. I apologise.”

That was all you saw, though it was enough. Not that you could register anything right now. You had so much going on. Too much going on, you couldn’t help but wonder how Eren coped with it all. The future of humanity used to lie on the shoulders of you, your squad and your Captain. Now you’d been unburdened with that demand, though it had been placed onto a child. How the fuck was that fair? And with the breach in Wall Rose, you were so sick of things going wrong it was starting to drive you up the fucking Walls. And now Levi knew you wanted to head out on the expedition later this evening. And from what you could tell, which was a lot, he didn’t seem too happy about it. Fuck this day.

You’d deal with it later. If Levi didn’t want to talk about it now, then you could certainly hold off. Nothing was about to change your mind, and you were content in your decision. You would go on the expedition and deal with the consequences when you came back. To hell with him.

“Great, what the hell does this mean?” 

You were snapped out of your thoughts by Eren already in the wagon, loading up ODM gear and gas canisters. You felt for the kid. He’d only just discovered what he was and already so much had happened since. Barely having time to recover from the fight against Annie and now all his friends had to be sent away in case any more of them were fucking Titans?  

“I don’t know… but they’re Titans, right? Would they seriously break through the Wall with Titans in it?” It was a good question, you had to admit. Armin’s mind was nearly as sharp as Hange’s, if only the kid had more self confidence, he could definitely gun for Commander in the next decade or so, providing he survived that long. 

“Wouldn’t be the first time, right? They did it before.”

It took you a moment to leap onto Armin’s trail of thought, but once you were there, you understood perfectly. “No, they didn’t. That was a gate. They busted through the gate, not the wall.” 

“Exactly, the Walls are different. They don’t have a single crack in them, no weak points other than the gates.” Walls this kid was smart. “There’s no signs of stress, and even stranger, there’s no way of knowing how they were built. They’re just solid walls of stone. No bricks, no nothing.”

“No nothing except Titans…” you knew where he was going with this.

“Armin, Lieutenant… what are you saying?” You couldn’t help but compare this situation to when you and Hange would be brainstorming and Levi would have no idea what you were talking about. Poor Mikasa.

“Suppose… suppose the Walls were made of the same stuff as Annie’s Titan crystal?” Armin posed.

You chewed on the suggestion for a moment. “She used that to cover her nape, right? And she trapped herself in it, so we know it’s versatile,”

“And it’s virtually indestructible, our blades breaking instantly upon impact…” 

Stepping up into the wagon, you held your hand out to help Armin up, taking a seat opposite Eren, who looked utterly horrified.

“So… the Walls are made of Titans? Is that what you’re saying?” He asked, looking down at his own hands as if they were about to catch aflame. 

“It’s just a theory at the moment, but–”

“It’s a solid one. We need to talk to Hange, and if there really is a breach in the Wall…”

The wagon jostled as you were moved into formation, but being so lost in thought you barely noticed. What the hell did this mean for humanity? Being protected by the very things that were trying to annihilate you all. And what would happen if the sun did hit them? What did Pastor Nick know that the rest of you were clueless about? And how was it that some preacher of the Walls knew? There were too many unknowns, it made you uneasy. 

You vaguely registered Mikasa wrapping her cloak around Eren, muttering something about him getting cold. It was sweet, you thought, though it brought you back to the various things you didn’t know about your own bond, wondering if Mikasa knew that’s what had happened between her and Eren, given that it had actually happened, of course. But you’d heard about her uncanny sense whenever Eren was in danger, and thought back to how Levi had the same sense about you. You hoped, for her sake, Eren would realise one day. 

“Sorry to keep you waiting! Didn’t think it would take so long to prepare.” 

You stole your nerves to look their way, though you barely registered Hange’s cheerful wave over Levi’s glare of thunder. At least his heartbeat wasn’t out of sync with yours. So this could be fixed… right? 

The wood creaked in protest as an additional three bodies crammed into the space, you shuffled up as much as you could, your body pressing against the side board as Levi took a seat next to you. You longed to press your face into his neck, but at the same time, you wanted to do anything but that. Joy, more conflicting feelings. 

“But… but he’s a priest from the Order of the Walls… Why is he–”

“I know! Nick and I are inseparable now! It’s alright, makes sense he’s here, just like the rest of us. We’re all rather random.”

It was strange for Hange to make assumptions this way. Ths group was anything but random. “No. The opposite. Erwin’s thrown us together for a reason.” Though what those reasons were, Levi couldn’t hazard a guess. The man’s motives were always mysterious until the final moments, when all would be revealed. It was an irritating habit. 

He needed to talk to you, finally realising what your intentions were, he couldn’t let you do this. You were still badly injured, and though you were recovering well, he knew your wounds were deeper than those surface level scratches. And if your stitches blew out in the field, you were dead. That was it. He couldn’t even believe you were considering this, let alone having made up your mind. It was stupid. Reckless. And downright selfish of you. 

“The condition of Wall Rose is currently unknown, but everything up to Erhmich district is safe. That’s the path we’ll be taking. Move out!” Erwin’s voice boomed from the front of the formation, loud enough that you were certain the entirety of Trost would have heard the announcement of departure. 

You stayed completely silent, debating more than ever what your next moves should be. How had things gone so damn badly? How had everything turned to shit so fucking quickly? It only felt like yesterday you were playing strip poker with your squad and now they were all fucking dead, two kids can turn into Titans and there was another fucking breach. You sighed, teeth gnawing at any loose bit of skin they could find on your lips. A habit you hadn’t indulged in a while. 

“You heard him. Get going.” It was a weak hope that speaking up so suddenly would get you to stop tearing apart your lower lip, his own stinging with each pull. You bit down a little too hard as the wagon jostled to life, and Levi almost winced with the sharp hurt. You, on the other hand, didn’t look too bothered by it, taking the opportunity to suck on the blood like some little fucked up vampire. If he wasn’t furious with you right now, he would have taken your hand into his own, current company be damned. 

He loosened a breath. Being angry with you was foreign and unknown and downright awful. He wanted to talk to you, to somehow ease the worries in your head, but he had no idea how to start a conversation with you at the moment. Not that he was ever very good with his words. Putting his opinions aside, Levi dropped his hand to brush against your arm.

Though when you flinched slightly, he wished lightning would strike him where he sat. You still refused to look at him, but he didn’t need to see your face to know you were radiating some kind of guilty resolve. You did nothing but continue to bite your lip, your fingers now tearing at your cuticles. He hadn’t seen you this stressed since you walked into his office and announced his squad would be helping Hange on their capture mission. Fuck that seemed like years ago now. 

“Well I should probably explain what we know from our friend Nick here,” Hange began, clasping a firm, almost threatening arm around the man’s shoulders. “You see, it was Nick who told us to cover the Titan in the Wall, assuming it would move should sunlight hit it. Just how he knew this, we have yet to find out.” With a quick glance to the opposite three in the wagon, you could tell they were just as baffled as you all were. 

“Wait wait wait, back up, this guy knew?! He knew and he said nothing!?” Eren exclaimed, leaning forward to almost throttle the man. 

“Uh huh, ‘friad so. And unfortunately, that’s about all he’s said. But, we all know now, of course. He doesn’t wanna talk quite yet, but that’s likely to change with a harsh dose of reality. It’s his faith keeping him quiet, but first hand experience though, we–”

“To hell with that!” 

You almost jumped at Eren’s shouting, standing and slamming his hands down on the table separating the two sides. Though if you were being honest, you missed the fighting talk from the kid.  “If this son-of-a-bitch knows something, he needs to come out with it! We’re on the brink of extinction and he’s deciding to keep quiet about what he knows? Caring only about keeping some stupid oath?!” Eren’s tone only rose with each point he made, stopping only due to what you assumed was his exhaustion spiking a sudden headache. A hand braced against the side of his head, Mikasa guided him to sit back down. 

“Take it easy Eren, you still haven’t fully recovered.” Oh she was so in love with him. It actually made you smile slightly, though it was short lived. Nothing lasts forever in the Scouts. 

Your chest constricted at the thought, and you glanced down to see Levi’s balled fist. 

And if you weren’t so busy wondering what the fuck you should do, you would have found him pulling a gun ridiculously attractive. What was wrong with you?

“There’s more than one way to get people to talk. Sure, I’m not exactly in top shape right now, but I know it doesn’t take much strength to pull a trigger. Having said that, I genuinely hope I won’t have to blow a hole in you to settle this. How ‘bout you?”

You once again cursed your current situation for not reacting after he’d just said maybe the single hottest thing you’d ever heard come from his mouth. If you weren’t in such emotional turmoil, you definitely would have started teasing him in front of everyone. 

But you were drained, and any will you had to do so had drained also.

A brief silence settled in the wagon as everyone remembered that, sure he wasn’t on active duty right now, but they were still sitting in the presence of Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, and it was still intimidating. 

Well, everyone except for Hange.

“Threatening him doesn’t work, Levi. I went to throw him off the top of Wall Sina. So trust me on that. And whether you agree with him or not, Nick here is a man of principle. Which has gotta make you think, if he’s so unwilling to talk, what in heaven’s name is he putting above the fate of humanity?”

Now that placed a blanket of silence over the wagon. Because it was one hell of a good question. What was he holding above the fate of the human race? What did he deem more important than humanity’s future? 

With the conversation coming to a halt, you tilted your head back to the moonlit canopy overhead, rogue embers floating within the leaves without a care in the world. You wonder if they knew their life was short. If you knew they had these last few seconds of freedom before they faded to nothing, returning to whatever elements they were composed of. But isn’t that all anything was? A brief interval from the void of non-existence? You suddenly envied those embers. They’d never experienced grief, or heartbreak, or loss in any way. They burned, and they burned beautifully until their inevitable end. Which is all anyone could strive to do, you thought. Burn beautifully. 

Despite the morbid nature of your thought trail, you smiled. Because you knew everyone around you was doing just that. Burning beautifully. 

Levi had taken a whistlestop tour into your mind for a split second, just to see how you were holding up. What he wasn’t expecting, however, was for you to be having philosophical revelations over fire. At least you weren’t thinking about the mission he wasn’t about to let you go on. He’d take philosophy over that any day of the week. 

Though his own tired head thought otherwise. Too much had happened to be entertaining your thoughts, so he returned to his own, only now noticing Hange staring unblinkingly at a rock. It was unusual for them to be doing unusual things, but at least it was a distraction from whatever the fuck was going on with you.

“Hey Four Eyes,” –He leaned forward slightly, looking past Nick to Hange still staring at the rock– “since when did you take an interest in geology? Or is your life so boring even rocks have become fascinating, looks like you’re about to drool.” 

Hange looked up, as if they’d just been dragged from a good book. “Hm? Oh, this? It’s not a rock. At least, not an ordinary one. It’s a hardened piece of skin, left behind by the Female Titan.”

That caught your attention. Snapping out of your thoughts, you too turned to look at Hange, your expression mirroring Armin’s as he gasped slightly. “Wait, it didn’t vanish?” He asked, eyes wide with what you could only just discern as shocked intrigue. 

“No! It broke off when she reverted back to her human form. It didn’t evaporate… didn’t simply go poof,” Their enthusiasm for the conversation only increased tenfold, and you could tell as soon as they started to use onomatopoeias. “Which got me thinking… and when I compared it with a piece from the Wall, its texture and molecular structure were, for all intents and purposes, virtually identical. So basically speaking–”

“We’re being protected by the very things that are trying to devour us, only ten times bigger than average.” You finished, glancing between Armin and Hange. You’d already had a conversation like this with the blond, but now at least you knew Hange had the same theory. 

“Exactly, and if my hypothesis is correct, the Walls were constructed using consolidated Titan skin.” Hange confirmed, to the disgusted horror of the opposite three. 

“You’re kidding… that’s what Armin and the Lieutenant were just talking about.” Mikasa observed, wide eyed. But she wasn’t wrong. That was exactly what you and Armin were discussing. Honestly, not to be condescending to the girl, but you were impressed she was following.

Armin once again gasped, shooting forward in his seat. “So then–” he began, only to be rudely cut off by Hange’s hand to his face.

Unfortunately for them, you’d just had exactly the same revelation. You borderline launched across Levi, slamming your hand down on the table. “You want to–” 

However, you too received a Hange hand to the face.

“Easy there you two, it’s rude to steal somebody else’s thunder dontcha know. As it stands, we’d be hard pressed to find a rock large enough to seal Wall Rose again. It would have to be just the right shape and size, and we don’t have specifics yet,” 

You fought to free yourself from Hange’s grip, desperate to contribute to the solution and listening to Armin frantically try and talk through their other palm.

“On the other hand, where there’s a will, there’s a way. Just picture it, Eren using his own hardening ability whilst in Titan form!” They revealed, finally releasing both you and the blond from their hands. You shook your head slightly, instantly wiping your face because heaven knows where Hange’s hands had been. 

Frowning, you slouched back in your seat, folding your arms. You thought of that too. 

“Then I could… patch the hole.” Eren came to the realisation much slower than you and Armin, though you guessed, since this actually concerned him and it was all incredibly new for him, he had other things to think about. 

“The sealant should be composed of the same material, and, like with Annie’s crystal, it shouldn’t disappear once you revert to human. This might be less of a long shot than it sounds. Whaddya think?”

If Levi was given a coin for every time you and Hange got carried away in conversation to the point where he could no longer follow, he could retire within the next year. However with this boy genius now added to the mix, he realised where this was going only a few moments before Eren did. Though your pouting did almost make him laugh. He knew you would have wanted to jump in, because he knew you would have been right there with Hange’s theory. He knew you were smart enough. And he hoped that was good enough for you.

“The greater the risk, the greater the reward,” You leaned forward again, clearly having gotten over your petulance.

“And if we can patch up Wall Rose… then Wall Maria starts to look fairly promising. And vital though it is, the outposts infrastructure slows us down to a crawl,” Armin continued, and Levi couldn’t help but find it a little weird how he was now finishing your sentences.

“The time and resources needed to transport materials are immense,” and vice versa, he discovered as soon as you took off from where he left. This was getting ridiculous. 

“But… if we can nullify the necessity for supply wagons, we could get to Shiganshina much faster… And what if we decided to carry out the plan at the dead of night?!” Armin posed, stony determination written on his face. You couldn’t help but smile slightly, having found yourself on the exact same wavelength.

“Night?” It was Hange now who was having trouble keeping up, and though you felt the urge to explain, they had a point earlier. Stealing somebody else’s thunder was rude, and you realised Armin needed all the confidence boosts he could get.

“Yes! When the Titans are more or less motionless!” He finished, clearly waiting with some kind of validation on his theoretical plan.

“Huh… that’s not bad. In fact, it’s genius, particularly if the group is small enough to slip on by undetected.” –Hange looked back down at the small crystal in their hand– “The straits we’re in are about as dire as they come, but this could turn the tides completely.” 

“We have to bear in mind though, this entire plan hinges on whether or not Eren can seal the hole again.” You really did hate to be the one to throw a bucket of cold water on the atmosphere, especially when you saw Armin’s proud smile falter slightly, but he knew as well as you did it was a good point.

Hange looked across to Eren, who you could see was visibly sweating despite the slight chill of the night. “It’s probably unfair of me to even ask but… do you think you can?” They asked, brows pinching in slight sheepish guilt. 

The wagon once again fell silent as all eyes fell to the teen who wasn’t looking at any of you. Once again, you could tell he was feeling the weight of the future on his shoulders, and your heart constricted for him. Ever since that night after you’d almost killed him, when he’d accidentally turned Titan and scared the ever loving shit out of you and your squad, you’d found a new respect for him. Having now understood the burdens of Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, you could only imagine what Eren was going through. 

“What he thinks really isn’t the problem here,” Levi finally found his voice, having been in complete awe of you and the way your mind worked. “You either will, or you won’t. That’s the reality of the situation. Our comrades are breaking their backs, but without you, it’s pointless. Failure here isn’t an option.”

You knew he was right. You knew he was just adding gravity where the rest of you had lost it, bringing the conversation back down to earth, but did he really have to be so stern? So pressuring?

–I think he knows how important this is. Stop adding unnecessary weight.– You couldn’t help yourself, a weird kind of protective nature coming over you. You saw out of your peripheral his hands balling into fists.

–So now you wanna talk?–

–You were the one who shut down the conversation, not me. I was just doing what you asked.– 

Levi’s frustrated sigh blew about your head, before the tension was broken by Eren’s desperate enthusiasm to prove himself. “Sir! I know, and I’m prepared to do whatever it takes… that’s a promise.”

There and then, you could see just how heavy his memories were. You understood his guilt because you understood Levi’s guilt. You knew he felt every single life lost around him, because he was supposed to be strong enough to move forward. He was supposed to be strong enough to protect people, to take the hits when nobody else could. 

“My father’s cellar…” You tilted your head to one side, willing to put your current feud away and glance at Levi, who glanced back at you, before you both looked back at Eren, awaiting an explanation. “That’s… that’s where the answers are. If there was even a grain of truth in what he told me, everything depends on us making it there.” 

You didn’t have time to wonder what the hell that meant, before Hange announced your location; “Well, here’s Ermich.” 

Nerves bubbled in your gut, this being the place where you knew you were about to have the biggest argument in your relationship. You felt Levi tense next to you, knowing he was thinking the same thing. But neither of you were backing out of this, that much was clear. 

Hopping out of the wagon, you chose to ignore the slight bite in your thigh from your injuries, taking a moment to stretch out your back. You noticed Levi had already set off with Nick, and though you weren’t alone with Hange, you were still going to take this opportunity to talk with them. “Hey, Hans?”

Once again, like a breath of fresh air, Hange beamed at you, despite the previous conversation in the wagon. “What’s up? The atmosphere there was kinda frosty for a second huh? That Armin kid though… he’s pretty damn smart, and to come up with a plan for Shiganshina so quickly… I reckon he’d make a pretty great Commander one day.” They started off on their own conversation as the two of you made your way through Ermich district. 

“Yeah, we’d had a brief conversation before the journey about the Walls and the Titans inside and such, we pretty much came to the same conclusion.” You defended stiffly, only to Hange’s delight. 

“Awww, jealous I got there before you? Sorry sunshine, only a few have brains like these!” They skipped, and you genuinely couldn’t understand how their demeanour could shift so quickly and so dramatically. Though, you remembered a time where Levi said that about you, how you could shift your personality from casual to professional in the blink of an eye. 

You grit your teeth. Thinking about him hurt.

“Yeah yeah, whatever. I just wanted to let ya know that I’ll likely be joining you on the mission.” You tried to mention it as nonchalantly as you possibly could, but no amount of casualness could have warned them of that. 

Hange stopped in their tracks. “Aren’t you supposed to be off active duty for the time being?”

“I can stand, can I not? And I’m walking, am I not? I don’t have a good reason to be resting.” You defended adamantly. You knew this was exactly what Levi was going to say as well, so you’d already come up with arguments.

“Does Levi know?” They asked softly, and when you didn’t respond, Hange placed a hand on your shoulder. “I was wondering what had happened between you two, things seemed different in the wagon than they were this morning. Don’t solidify anything yet. Wait until you talk with him. I’d say we have roughly half an hour turnover. If you’re still set after talking to him, I’d be happy for the help.”

“You know, he doesn’t make my decisions for me.” You tried to keep the venom from your voice, but failed miserably. Hange knew, of course. They knew this wasn’t coming from a place of rage or anger with them.

“He’s your Captain. He technically does.”

“My Captain, huh? Of what squad, Hange?” It was a brutal blow, and had it been anyone else you were talking to, you know they would have walked away by now, either your glare or the toxicity in your tone causing them to leave. However, this was Hange. Hange who knew both yourself and Levi, sometimes better than you knew each other. Hange, who knew grief just as well as you did, and still managed to do everything they could. Hange, who also had friends out there in the field right now, and who hadn’t heard from them in hours, and didn’t know if they were still alive. 

They squeezed their calming hand on your shoulder. “Speak to Levi first, as a favour to me.” 

You sighed, feeling the tension sapping from your spine, knowing they were right. “Fine, but I’ve made up my mind.” 

Hange smiled in understanding, continuing on their path with you by their side. “I know you have, but if you sneak out and Levi knows I knew, I won’t live to see the sunrise.” 

Huffing a chuckle, you nodded in agreement. That was likely true, unfortunately for the both of you. Glancing back, you watched the three behind you for a brief moment. Watched as Mikasa tried to wrap Eren’s cloak back around his shoulders, to the teen’s dismay, whilst Armin tried to calm the two of them down and stop their bickering. It was a sickening reminder that, after everything, they were still just kids. 

“It’s sad. Not only was their childhood cut short, but now they hold the weight of the future on their shoulders. Eren specifically, but you can see it on Armin and Mikasa too. The way they care so much for him, but he feels the need to do everything alone. It’s so lonely.” You thought aloud, cracking your neck to the side.

“You sound like you're speaking from experience.” Hange observed, glancing down to you with an eye raised.

“Not quite. But I know how it is for Levi. I know that, even given the chance to, he would rather die than pass his title on to somebody else. Not for any sort of pride reasons, but because he wouldn’t want that burden to befall another soul. He carries it because he knows it’s necessary to do so, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy.” It was a losing battle, keeping your frustration from bubbling to the surface. On the outside, it just seemed like you were explaining something not many people would have an insight into. On the inside, however…

You wanted to scream.

Despite the morbid display in front of him, hundreds upon hundreds of people having lost their homes due to the recent breach, Levi couldn’t help but listen to your conversation with Hange. To be understood on such a fundamental level was still incredibly new for him, so to hear your voice exactly how he felt a majority of the time…

It solidified his need to stop you from going on this mission. 

“You know him well, huh?” This was a side to Hange you didn’t see very often. The softer, more sentimental side to the ‘mad scientist’ everyone knew. It was part of the reason you liked them so much. 

“And you know why, so you don’t need to act clueless.” Once again you came incredibly close to telling them everything, but you held off. Despite there being a small rift between the two of you at the moment, you knew that was something you needed to discuss with Levi. 

You both climbed the steps into the barracks, hearing Eren, Mikasa and Armin still behind you.

“Hey Eren!” Hange gestured for the teen to join them, and so you took a step back, allowing them to have their conversation without interference. “Once we leave Ermich, we’ll be in Titan territory for sure.”

“Think you’re well enough to ride a horse yet?” 

You’d almost completely forgotten Moblit was on this expedition, considering he didn’t ride with you in the wagon. It was only now did you see Hange relax slightly, having not even noticed they were slightly tense. You half smiled with the realisation. 

And it was now you really missed being on good terms with your partner. Because you knew he would have had something to say about that.

“Yeah, it shouldn't be too much of a problem.” Eren responded, though he sounded exhausted. 

“Saddle up then soldier, there’s one waiting for you on the left lift.” You thought a lot about the shift you and Hange could perform between professional and casual, though you’d never considered how different Moblit was behind closed doors. You guessed, when he didn’t have the pressure of being Hange’s right hand man, he could well and truly relax. 

Though the only visual indication you had was Hange’s widening eyes, you’d already felt Levi’s growing presence behind you. You turned, seeing almost exactly what you predicted, only Nick looked more remorseful than he did in your mind’s eye. You couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing. 

“Section Commander, we’re pressed for time!” Moblit called out as Hange jogged back past you.

“Gimme a second will ya?” They called back, before addressing Nick. “So, you seen the light yet by any chance?” 

If you took a shot for every time silence had settled it’s blanket over your group today, you’d likely be in the medical wing. The air was charged as you all waited for Nick’s response, before realising he was going to hold his tongue. And finally, finally, Hange had enough. “Goddamnit! This isn’t some fucked up spiritual test, real human lives are on the line here so make up your mind!” 

And for the first time since he sat his holy ass on that cart, Nick spoke; “Alas, I have no choice. None of us, not myself nor the others who believe are at liberty to divulge the truth.”

Ooo did you want to punch his teeth in. You knuckled itched to be thrust through his jaw.

“Well fat lot of you help you were! Thanks ever so much for keeping us company, it’s been a fucking joy!” It took all of your willpower to, despite your situation, stifle your laughter at their sarcastic rage as they abruptly turned on their heels and started to stomp away.

“I would offer my help if I could, but a duty as great as this one is beyond me. The Order of the Walls abides by the sacred will our faith commands us to obey.” He seemed so solemn you almost pitied the man. Almost.

“Who’s sacred will? You mean like God or something?” Hange questioned with no small degree of snark.

“I can’t answer that.” God fucking damnit! “But… what I can do is provide you with a name. An individual the sacred will and it’s divine wisdom instructed us to monitor.”

You couldn’t tell if he was using way too many words in sentences deliberately, or whether or not that was seriously the title they gave the head of their religion. “Monitor?” You asked aloud, glancing at Hange who nodded in approval. That was clearly their next question.

Nick sighed before continuing on. “It’s a person you know. Someone who enlisted in the Scout Regiment as of this year. A child by the name of–”

“Important message!” The pastor was drowned out by the arrival of a messenger loudly announcing her presence. She didn’t even stop to knock or read the room, just barged straight in with her agenda. But that didn’t stop you or your companions to hear the name he’d just uttered. Christa Lenz.  “I’m with the 104th Cadet Corps. Oh and my name is Sasha Braus!” 

You blinked in surprise, finally turning your head to look at the girl. You still didn’t really know the 104th that well, only really being well acquainted with Eren, for obvious reasons. But you knew of Sasha, and you’d heard her speak before. However the accent you’d previously noticed seemed to have vanished into thin air. Interesting. 

“No way…”

“Wait, who?”

Sasha strode up to Hange, scroll in hand. “This is for you, Section Commander.” Though she was completely ignored, the room’s attention now being completely on the Pastor. 

“You must find her with all haste. She is the key. She may know things we understand, but poorly.” You glanced to Hange, who mirrored your look. Who the fuck was this girl, and more importantly, who was she to Eren, Armin and Mikasa for them to be so floored by this? “And with that, we come to the end of what I am free to share with you. The rest I leave in your capable hands.” 

“Wait, if she’s in the 104th… she’d be on the front lines by now.” You realised, wide eyes flicking between Hange and Nick. 

“Then let’s go! We’re already pressed for time, we don’t have any to lo–” Though you admired Eren for his gung-ho attitude, you admired him less when he didn’t look where he was going and ran straight into poor Sasha who had been waiting incredibly patiently with her scroll, sending her crashing to the ground. 

“Watch where you’re going!” Hange called out, the room’s attention shifting to the poor girl on the floor. 

“Sasha?!”

“Just where did you come from all of a sudden?” Mikasa asked, and you couldn’t help but raise a brow. Had nobody else heard the girl enter? Seriously? 

Once again you wished you could talk to Levi about this, but he’d been silent in your head since the wagon. You kept your sigh internal. 

As if remembering she was here for a purpose and not just to lie on the floor, Sasha gasped, snatching up the parchment that had fallen from her hands and barrelling through her three friends toward Hange. “I was sent to deliver a message to the Commander, who then entrusted me to get this to you Section Commander!” The girl spoke without breathing, and you absently wondered if this was her first time delivering a message. Before realising that yeah, this was most likely her first time delivering a message.

Good for her.

The girl borderline folded in half at the waist as she bowed, holding the scroll out for Hange with both open palms. You stifled a snort, pretending to pick at your lips to hide your smile.

Levi had been borderline completely silent throughout this entire exchange, not having much to say. However, that didn’t mean his eyes didn’t work. He noticed every little thing you did, every little micro-expression you made, whether it be concern, confusion, determination, and now hidden amusement. It warmed him that you could still smile at things, despite everything. 

“Uh, okay then… excellent work!” Hange seemed a little taken aback by the girl’s formal enthusiasm, but swiftly replaced the scroll with a baked potato from the supply crate, and you watched as Sasha all but melted on the spot, before taking one of the largest bites you’d ever seen a human being take out of anything, half wondering if she had Titan genes.

“So, who the hell was Nick talking about?” You turned your attention back to the conversation at hand, asking the three who already seemed to know her what was on everyone else’s minds.

“She was the smallest one in our class,” Eren answered, crouching to secure his boots.

“Golden hair, blue eyes. In fact… she was kinda cute.” You had to double take to make sure you actually heard that correctly. 

“The girl who’s always hanging around Ymir.” Mikasa clarified, and you looked at Hange just as their eyes widened. 

“Wh– Excuse me?” That had triggered something in their brain, but whatever that may have been, you guessed you would find out at a later date. Another quick glance around the room told you nobody else had quite had that same reaction. But that’s normal for Hange. 

You watched them stare in contemplation for a moment, before brushing off whatever they were thinking, clearly filing it away for later. But with everyone standing around, it was starting to irritate you that nothing was being done. “Alright, no point in doing nothing, start loading up supplies onto the lifts.” It was better than nothing, right? And it was nice to know people still regarded you with some kind of authority, as footsteps instantly started echoing off the stone walls. Hange helpfully took a seat on one of those crates, pulling at the string from around the paper handed to them by Sasha. Glancing to a smaller box of food to your left, you carried it under your arm, handing it off to Moblit who nodded at you in thanks. 

“That the background report?” You asked, leaning against their shoulder slightly, skim-reading the first few paragraphs.

“Yeah… yeah it is.”

“Background report?” Eren asked, his head almost comically popping up from behind one of the crates he was trying to lift.

“Ah, yeah. I asked for a background report on Annie Leonhart. It was a lot slower than I was hoping for, what with paper trails being a total catastrophe at the moment, but according to this, there were two other cadets in the 104th who came from the same area. One Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Hoover.” Hange looked up from their paper, surveying the three before them. You, however, turned to Sasha, who’d looked as if she’d seen a ghost.

Too many revelations in one night. Too much information revealed in such a short amount of time. Levi kept his eye on Eren, the boy already having suffered enough. And no, whilst his own comments didn’t help settle the teens nerves, he also knew what was necessary to get through to him. He didn’t want to have to keep jabbing at him, and if this mission wasn’t so crucial, he wouldn’t have to. But with this perhaps being the only shot at sealing the wall they would get, he didn’t regret being harsh on him. Even if it had earned him some dirty looks from you.

Hange continued; “Don’t have many records about them, and any records we do have are unreliable, thanks to the chaos five years ago. However…” Placing the paper down on a makeshift table, Hange pointed to the skeleton of the scouting formation, “We do know in the long range scouting formation, their unit was given false information, among those intentionally misled into thinking Eren was in the right wing.” You felt a migraine coming on, your head starting to pulse ever so slightly, which considering your situation and circumstances, you couldn’t be surprised.

Though, out of instinct, your eyes slid to Levi and his surroundings, just to make sure it wasn’t the bond telling you he was in some kind of danger. Which, taking note of what was next to and behind him, he wasn’t. Just a normal migraine. You didn’t know which was worse at this point. At least you could do something about him being in danger.

–What?– Walls, he still sounded irritated.

–Nothing. Just a headache.– You weren’t about to admit that you were staring at him to make sure he was okay. If you were anything, you were petty. 

Levi already knew about the headache, he could feel it himself. He also knew why you suddenly looked over at him. He hated that his heart softened slightly. He was still livid with you for fuck’s sake. But the way you instantly looked to make sure he wasn’t in harm’s way…

How was he supposed to be okay with you riding to battle without him by your side?

“Wait just a second… that’s the section Annie attacked!” Armin realised, causing Sasha to almost break her neck by whipping her head to look at him. 

“What? What does that mean?” She asked, barely able to keep her voice from shaking. 

“Well… it’s entirely plausible that they told her where they thought Eren was…”

“Huh…? But why would they do that…?” The poor girl asked, her head tilted to one side. You thought she was kind of sweet, in her own way.

Glancing to Hange, who had already put the pieces together before you, they nodded in confirmation to where you’d just ended up with your thoughts. Reiner Braun and Bertholt Hoover were the most possible candidates for the Armoured and Colossal Titans. 

“Where are you going with this Armin? You can’t just accuse–” Eren started what clearly was about to become a heated argument, before he was interrupted by the scientist at your side.

“I totally agree. There’s a difference between coincidence and correlation,” –but didn’t they just confirm your thoughts?– “However, I’m curious to know how the three interacted whilst training. So? What can you tell me?”

As per usual, it was Armin who spoke first. “I knew Reiner and Bertholdt were from the same region as Annie, but honestly? They never seemed that friendly toward each other.”

“Same here,” Eren continued. “You wouldn’t really catch them idly chatting away, and even when they did talk, it was usually curt. It wasn’t like Annie was very social to begin with.” 

You tried to stop your bubbling hatred at the way they were talking about the Female Titan as if she were a normal human girl, and not some twisted psychopath who’d ripped your family to shreds. But it was proving difficult.

“Yeah… at meals, she seemed to prefer eating by herself. I don’t know…” Sasha thought for a moment, before her face lit up and she slapped her own fist, an idea popping into her head. “Oh! I think I've got something that struck me as weird at the time!”

Okay. Sweet? Yes. Any sense of urgency or necessary words in a sentence? No.

“I heard she liked sweets!” 

Seriously? You sighed heavily. 

“I’ve got nothing…” Mikasa began, before her eyes lit up slightly too. You guessed that was her own version of slapping her hand in realisation. “Except maybe that–”

“Guys, what are we doing? These are our friends we’re talking about. Our comrades. Sure, Bertholdt never has a lot to say, but Reiner’s like everyone’s big brother, ya know?”

No, actually, you wouldn’t know. You had a little brother, and you couldn’t remember a single thing about him. Not even his face. Not even his name. 

“You really think he’s capable of lying to us?” Eren finished with a surprising amount of conviction for someone who’d seen first hand the devastation the Female left in her wake. 

“Not only that,” you chimed in. “But how would Leonhart have known to change course? Hange said that unit was fed false intel, so how could she possibly have known where we actually were?” It was a question more to provoke thought than to disprove theories, to get further answers flowing, because how could she have known?

“You both have a point. Reiner fought Annie with everything he had. Almost got himself squeezed to a pulp in the process. And as for–” Armin stopped dead in his tracks, as if remembering something. 

“Armin?” You prompted, causing the blond to raise his head again. 

“He broke free at the last minute… but afterwards, Annie changed her course. In fact, she ran straight toward where you were. I briefly mentioned that you were most likely towards the centre rank but there was no way she could possibly have heard me. She wasn’t in earshot at the time, I’m sure of it.” For someone who’s words carried such conviction, Armin really had to work on his tone sounding unsure of himself. His mind truly was brilliant, as was his memory, it seemed.

“Do you remember if he seemed overly interested in Eren’s location?” You pressed, knowing you were almost to the bottom of how the fuck Leonhart found your squad. And with what looked like dawning realisation, you knew you had your answer.

“Oh no… the only reason I brought it up was because Reiner asked where Eren might be…” You had to fight the instinct to cross the room and envelope the kid in a hug. This wasn’t his fault, he had no way of knowing. You of all people could understand misplaced blame, and you knew he’d be blaming himself. “There’s… something else. Once he broke free, she stood there staring at her palm, possibly–”

“Looking at whatever Reiner had just carved into it with his blades, right?” You felt the familiar fire of battle rise in your gut, now more ready than ever to take on the fucker who lead your friends straight to their deaths. 

Armin nodded in confirmation and with a hint of what you thought was gratitude that he didn’t have to say it out loud. “Maybe… maye Reiner is…”

The room fell stagnant, Levi briefly noticing that you could hear the whispers of the dead if you listened hard enough. He could feel your iron determination in his stomach and it only worsened his pool of dread. Convincing you not to do this might be harder than he initially thought. 

“What is wrong with you all…?” Eren began, looking desperately between his friends. “This is Reiner we’re talking about. The man’s been with us from the beginning. You don’t just–”

“Enough!” Hange interrupted, commanding an impressive amount of the room’s attention with one order. You couldn’t help but admire them briefly. “All of you, listen up. If you cross paths with the pair in question, don’t give them any indication of what we’ve discussed, okay? And under no circumstances are you to bring up Annie Leonhart in their company. Before we can ascertain whether or not they were co-conspirators, we must find, lure and contain them underground. That’s the plan, are we clear?”

The room was a well orchestrated chorus of “Yes, clear.” before once again soldiers started busying themselves around you.

“Right, we have to go. Now!” The sheer, stony determination in Eren’s voice brought a flare of pride to your chest. He’d just found out the entire room was suspecting one of his greatest friends as an enemy of humanity and he was still as ready as ever to gallop off into action. 

“Calm down, Eren.” 

How many times had you heard those words in exactly that tone? You glanced back to see Levi looking between the three, a hand still clasped at the jacket around his shoulders. “I need you all to listen. This is where we separate. Erwin had his reasons for throwing this rag-tag squad together, but right now this is all riding on you.”

You wanted to slap him. As if the kid needed any more fucking pressure.

“Armin, you and Hange are the brains. Use your combined knowledge to cook us up some kind of solution,” He barely waited for a response from the blond before moving on. “Mikasa, I don’t think I’ll ever understand why you’re so attached to this guy in particular but put your skills to good use. Protect him at all costs.”

Your suspicions about her own bond only solidified with her answer. “Sir, I intend to.” You could see how her and Levi were related in some way.

“And you,” he turned to Eren and you saw him flinch slightly. You imagined not many people could make him flinch, having a fighting spirit like his, but you also weren’t too surprised that one of those few people just so happened to be your partner. “Don’t fuck this up.” 

Great. Now you wanted to kick him as well. 

“Check your emotions, Eren,” you clenched your jaw when Levi glanced at you with a look of purpose only you could see. “Learn the meaning of the word restraint. If you let yourself succumb to blind rage all hope is lost. We can’t afford another mistake.” You borderline snarled as you felt each one of his words against your gut. You fucking knew he wasn’t just talking to Eren. You knew he was sending those messages to you too. But you weren’t succumbing to blind rage. For the first time since that day, you were seeing clearly. You knew what you had to do. This wasn’t some passionate, miscalculated display of fury. This was what was necessary in order for yourself, and humanity, to move on. 

“Alright everyone, we move out in five. Everyone, check your gear and any supplies you think you’ll need!” Moblit called out above the slight din. And so you left down the steps to do just that. To find a quiet room to check your gear and engage in possibly the hardest fight in your life so far.

Because there was only one thing more terrifying than a Titan, and he just so happened to be the other half of your soul.

You heard him before you saw him, uneven, thunderous footsteps echoing down the hallway before Levi’s hand slapped the door so hard you felt the tingles of pain in your own palms. Those extra few seconds gave you time to prepare for whatever was about to happen.

He slammed the door behind him, rending not the jumped response he was expecting from you. That did not bode well.

“You’re not going.” 

“You physically cannot stop me.”

“It’s an order.”

You stopped fastening the belts to your thighs, savouring the sharp burn over your stitches. “Then I guess this is insubordination.” You responded firmly, before moving onto the next strap. You’d made up your mind. You were going, and that was final.

“You’re fucking kidding me, right? Were you not listening?”

“Nope. You can’t stop me doing this, ‘Vi. Nothing can stop me from doing this. If this is a step closer to understanding what’s going on, then I have to help them take it.”

“Even if that means risking your life?”

You scoff, not looking up from the straps on your legs. Though you weren’t doing a lot with them, just mindlessly checking them with faux importance. “Levi, every step outside those walls we risk our lives. Why is this any different?”

“Fuck, do I really have to spell it out for you?” 

“You’re asking me to put this relationship above fighting for humanity?” 

“Yes!” He answered before even thinking about it. 

You both fell silent, staring at each other. Because in the end, that’s what this came down to. Choosing between him or humanity. You always thought you would choose him. Fuck the world, fuck the Titans, fuck everything. It could all burn if it meant you could stay with him. 

But that was before Levi gave you a reason to keep fighting. If anything, he only had himself to blame. “You of all people should know that’s not possible.” It was a spiteful, venomous jab of a comment, but there was no room left for sympathy in you right now. “There has to be meaning…” you whispered, and you could feel him stop, the fight draining from his heart.

“There will–”

“No. There won’t. Not if I don’t make sure of it. You told me… you told me we keep fighting to give their deaths meaning. So let me fight. Please, Levi. I have to. Because I don’t know how the fuck I’m supposed to continue if everytime I get hurt I fucking hide. If I can walk, I can fight.

“And I’m walking pretty damn well.”

Levi ran a hand through his hair. He knew this would happen eventually. Knew there would be a time where you would have to run into a battle without him, it was inevitable in the Scouts, and he was only human. 

But not yet. 

Not now. 

He thought you were fucking dead days ago. He thought he’d lost you. Having you close was the only way of knowing you weren’t dead. The bond hadn’t helped that day, what had helped was seeing you alive. 

What if he never saw you alive again?

“I can’t let you do this… If something happened and I wasn’t there–”

“Then you’d be dead too, so it doesn’t matter anyway.”

Silence.

“How can you fucking say that…? How can you say that after what happened…? We don’t even know if that’s how it works and you’re still willing to risk it?” It was a kind of betrayal Levi didn’t think he’d ever felt before. Because this was you choosing to go away. You were choosing to leave him behind and risk the bond, risk him. Because no matter what happened, bond or no bond, if you died, he would die too.

You’d been too caught up in your grief to really think about it. Being the one to almost die, the one unconscious, you hadn’t thought about what it was like for him, hearing your voice fade from his head, feeling your presence disappear from within his chest. You hadn’t thought about it, and your constant companion of guilt thrived because of it.

“Levi…”

“Don’t. That doesn’t matter.”

You tried to reach for him, but he stepped back. “You know, Erwin told me what you said your biggest fear was. Was it a lie?”

Tears pricked your eyes, whether from the all too real wound burning on your thigh from how tight you’d pulled the strap, or the all too real wound burning in your heart, you couldn’t tell. “...No, ‘Vi. It wasn’t a lie.”

When he finally met your gaze, you had to look away. You’d never seen him look so vulnerable, so torn apart. “Then why are you doing this?”

Why were you hurting him so fucking badly?

“You know why.”

Because it would only get worse if you didn’t do this. And you would never be able to forgive yourself. 

–I love you…–

“Then prove it…!” he begged, uncaring about the desperation breaking in his voice. “Stay…”

He knew the second he’d said it, you’d already made up your mind.

“...I can’t.”

His eyes widened slightly, taking a moment to comprehend what you’d just said and the meaning behind it. 

“Then what are we still doing?” 

Your entire world shattered with those words. You had no response, nothing to give him. You’d found yourself at a crossroads, two paths stretching either side. 

“What do you mean…?” you asked, too afraid to raise your voice higher than a whisper. 

Anger had fueled his words. Anger and hurt. He didn’t know how to get you to see, how to get you to back down from this. No amount of begging or pleading could get you to change your mind, so where was the point? His soul screamed at him to change his mind, but he ignored it. Wordlessly, Levi turned and left you there. For the first time in his life, he was walking away from you.

Gritting your teeth against your tears, it took you a second to push down your emotions. If you were really going to do this, you needed all your focus on the mission. Not on Levi. Wiping a stray tear from your cheek with the heel of your palm, you tried to pull on the bond between you, only to find no tension. He’d sealed his mind off from you, and you honestly couldn’t blame him.

You could fix this, right? You could… you could go on the mission, come back and talk about it, right? You had to. You didn’t have a choice. 

With a tug of finality on the last buckle on your thigh, you stood. And with a resolve you didn’t know you could muster right now, you strode down a path, hoping to fuck it was the right one. 

#the ackerbond #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman x reader smut #levi ackerman smut #levi ackerman #levi smut #levi x reader #levi x reader smut #levi attack on titan #levi aot #levi #levi x y/n #levi x you #shingeki no kyoujin #levi ackerman x you #levi ackerman x female reader

[levi-my-beloved]

the pursuit of silence (and all the noise along the way)

nanami kento x reader

part one: potential (and the lack there of)

CW: cisfem reader, Space AU (vaguely Star Wars. Vaguely), reader has a cybernetic limb. slow burn.

JJK AU MINORS DNI

Out Station, Hosnian System, Core Territories

When you first arrived, the station's constant thrum would keep you awake. The slow, thrusting drawl echoed through your metal cot as the craft perpetually spun, the sound of gears and cogs drilling down to the marrow of your bones to eat at the edges of your mind. Night doesn't exist in space, not in the same way it does on solid ground. There's no physical marker for rest, no sun to rise to mark another day, so everything always trudges forward, with heavy, uneven steps.

 When you were young, the visitors to your planet's surface had told you that space was eerily silent, marked only by the sound of your vessel and your own thoughts.

"Nothing like here," One man -Simmons- had promised. He had tucked himself away into your Sun Dome, waiting for the thunder to calm itself, "Nothin' like this eternal rain."

He had left later that night, leaving only stories about the Inner Rim and an uneasy feeling in your stomach.

"Don't that sound make you wanna go crazy?" he said as he headed towards his ship, "Don't you ever want silence?"

It was funny, how you had never noticed it before, the tap-tap-tap that bore down upon the plexiglass. A frog born into boiling water: you didn't know you were being cooked in it all until someone else told you this wasn't normal.

You've been chasing that silence ever since.

You thought you had found it when you joined the station. Promises of flights to places you've never heard of, adventures you could never dream of: you didn't even bother to pack a bag before jetting off and leaving the rainy planet's surface behind. There, beyond the atmosphere, it was- stretches of ringing, perfect quiet.

Then you arrived and the noises never stopped. It was nothing like the storms you had grown up with, no rhythm, no comfort. Gone was the devil you knew, traded for another nightmare of soot and gears. 

Nothing changed. Maybe you did. The hourly chimes, the rattle of cargo leaving and arriving, the sighs and snores and sex sounds of fellow pilots that shared the dorm: you learned to live with it, allowed yourself to become a part of the drum. In fact, a part of you found comfort in it, like a cosmic lullaby, rocking you to sleep as the stars spun around you.

The sudden sharp, violent clanging of metal on metal is not a part of that lullaby.

You jolt from sleep, clutching at your side for where your blaster usually is, driven only by panic. It takes a couple bleary blinks for you to gauge the scene and realize there's no threat. A pink haired rookie is smiling up at you, his cybernetic limb still clutched against the steel of your bed frame.

"Nine!" Pilot 501-G grins, "Scared ya."

"Stars and Makers, Itadori." You soften your tone, but still kick away his hand. Your own prosthetic isn't as advanced as his; while his is covered in thin synthflesh, the metal of yours is exposed, covered only by sheets, "I just fucking fell asleep."

The younger man laughs, backing away from the wall sheepishly. The glimmer in his eye is what keeps him looking young, despite the scars that cut through his lip and over the bridge of his nose. Someone is snoring a couple bunks over, practically gagging on their own spit. Every now and again, the sound stops and Itadori’s head snaps to look in that direction, concern dripping from his features. You’ll tell him later that it’s just G’hil: he’s been snoring like that for years.

"Sorry, sorry - I thought it was funny!" He better be sorry - you're the one in charge of training his ass, "But they're looking for you, so you gotta get up."

You rub the grit of sleep from your eye. "Who could possibly need me? I just fucking landed--" you check your watch- “Four hours ago.”

"One of the guys with the offices," he shrugs, "They told me you'd know where to go."

You do, unfortunately. Only one commander gives instructions to the G Group. With a groan and stiff back, you throw yourself from the bed. As you slide into your fly suit, Itadori dips his head to the floor to avoid watching you dress. In a few months, he'll lose his modesty too; it's hard to stay pure in such a confined space.

Once you're dressed, you both head into the bustling halls. The paths divert and wind, dipping into ladders for the deeper parts of the station. Itadori still gets lost most days, so he follows you as you wind your way towards the loading bay. 

"Are you going on a mission?" he asks.The recycled air is extra stuff today and you swear it tastes like the slop dining served last meal. 

"It’s an assignment," you correct, "And probably."

"Dammit." Itadori kicks at nothing, practically skipping, "They make me clean engines when you're gone."

"Good, it'll beef you up a little bit."

The boy gawks at that, squeezing his biceps to prove he doesn't need any more. You laugh and mimic him, flexing your own muscles as you walk. He flexes harder then, bicep so coiled you fear he might hurt himself. The ball of muscle is bigger than you expected, easily larger than yours, but you blow him away with a raspberry anyway.  

“Okay, okay, Shrimp.”

“Maker, please don’t call me Shrimp-- I’m afraid it’s going to stick!”

He has a point. Nicknames have a funny way of gaining traction around here. As you both wind your way into the main level, the activity picks up. More bodies are roaming the narrow halls, rushing to-- well, you aren’t quite sure. The Station is 45 levels top to bottom with a couple hundred employees on hand at all times, some of which are stationed to pilot hypermatter crafts to places that need it. Other people did a variety of boring, overly scientific sounding jobs- stuff that went immediately over your head when they explained it to you.

“Itadori, we'll fly when I get back, okay? I'll take a cruiser and a couple credits and we'll get a good dinner. Something nice." You bump your hip against him and he almost staggers into an officer. "Something fresh."

"Real Caf?" he asks, "Not the powdered stuff?"

You’re not sure ‘real’ Caf exists, but you promise him anyway.  "Sure, whatever you want."

Itadori pumps his fist in the air with a woop. He goes to continue, then pauses as his eyes flit down the hall. Staggering out of an unknown room is a familiar face, much less bruised than you last saw it.

"Hello, hello," you croon, hands on your knees like you’re calling for a loth-cat, "Look who's out and about!"

"Ha, ha, very funny." Haibara hobbles on a crutch, the wood tucked under his arm's cast. His leg is set straight with chunky plaster, basically paralyzing his right side. The few people who pass clear the way around him, but a round little R2 Droid drives straight into his good leg and almost bowls him over. The round faced brunette wobbles and swears, waving it off with his good arm. 

"Do you know how hard it is to not have an arm and a leg?" he exclaims.

You and Itadori share a look, then gesture to each other's cybernetics.

"Yes."

"I know very well," you agree, "I have no sympathy. Don't steal an X-wing next time."

Haibara groans, sounding as pathetic as he looks. He’s actually a couple of years older than you, but he looks softer than Itadori in the face. “I just wanted to try it out. If they didn’t want joy riders, they shouldn’t have refueled here!”

“That’s awful logic,” you tease, clapping his shoulder. Unlike you, Haibara came into the station without any flying experience and has not proven himself to be a fast learner. Why he thought he could borrow an X-wing without the experience ending in disaster is beyond you. “Surprised they didn’t fire your ass. Thank god for unions, huh?”

He shoots you a deadpan look. 

"And I was coming here to tell you good news, Niney." Haibara leans on his crutch,  nose in the air, "But now I won’t.”

“Aww, Hai.”

“I won’t! Don’t give me those pouty lips!”

You bat your eyelashes for effect. 

“Ugh, be glad I like you,” he says so sweetly, “You-know-who is here." 

All humor immediately evaporates from your body. Both men notice and have polar opposite reactions: Haibara glows with a chaotic grin while Itadori sobers.

 "Oh, god," you whisper. A tightness has gripped your ribs. Maybe it's dread, maybe it’s panic. “The you-know-who?”

"I don't know who," Itadori interjects. 

“There’s only one you-know-who.”

"Oh, god."

"I don't know who!" Itadori says again.

Haibara throws his head back to laugh, then grimaces in pain. Good, he deserves it.

"Who's you-know-who?" Itadori stresses, looking between his two superiors. You throw a hand over your face to hide your expression, but Haibara continues.

"Niney-Nine, our fearless leader, our beloved pilot-” Haibara’s grin is consuming his whole face. If he wasn’t already stitched and taped up, you might punch him, “--has a crush."

"You have a crush? What?" Eyes snap to you, "On who?"

Crestfallen is written all over the poor kid's face, but you can only focus on your own burning cheeks. Oh, how your body has betrayed you. 

"Shut up.”

"She won't even talk to him." Haibara continues, "I try to call her over to talk to him and she shrivels up like a bug."

He brings his good arm to his chest and sticks out his tongue, then roughly mimics scurrying away in the air. Itadori’s jaw is slack, enthralled by his antics. 

“It’s nothing,” you insist, “He’s not even cute.”

It’s not nothing. Oh, you wish it was, but it’s not. You have the type of crush that makes your knees buckle and jaw ache and you haven’t even spoken to the man directly. Once, he nodded your way, just the hint of a smile on his lips, and you spent the following afternoon locked in a shower stall, shamefully jacking off to the memory.

Dread rises in your throat like bile.

"Oh, please! You're so smitten! It's crazy!” he turns back to Itadori, “She’s so smitten. Makes this dumb little face-" Haibara makes his eyes wide, “Once, she went to Coruscant to watch his speech-”

"We're leaving." You start walking, pace crisp enough that Itadori can barely follow, let alone your injured copilot, "Bye, Hai!"

"Oh, come on!" The linoleum squeaks under the rubber stopper at the end of his crutch, "I know for a fact that it'd go well if you just talked to him!"

"Goodbye!" you call back. You’re better than this. A stupid crush isn’t going to dominate your life, especially not one this unrealistic.

You click the heels of your boots against the floor with purpose, marching forward and away from that mess. 

But Itadori doesn’t have the sense to read the air. “So, who is it-?”

"Itadori," you warn.

Silence only lasts another couple of steps.

"You should ask him out," he continues, "You're really great. I know any guy would be-"

“Don’t,” you warn, a bit harsher than you really should, “Not now, Shrimp.”

As you arrive to where you need to be, a room marked ‘superior’, Itadori chews on his lip and hesitates, shuffling his feet unhappily. He’s still bright eyed and full of adventure, just like you used to be, so he must be upset about missing another ‘mission’. 

'Hey," you elbow him again, softer this time, "I'll probably just be toting cargo to the Outer Rim again. There's no reason to be sad or jealous or whatever." 

"I'm not jealous of-" Words fail him, then the rookie relents and retreats, "You're right-- have fun on your stinky old rocket."

 He waves you off, still a little down. "Still sounds better than sitting here."

You ruffle his hair. It’s unwashed and sticky enough that it stays in place when you pull away, so you wipe your palm on his shirt. Itadori steps back with fake offense, but his smile is returning.

“Sorry, shrimpy,” you say, “I’ll see you soon.”

You turn the door handle, then pause. “And take a shower, for Maker’s sake.”

.. . . . . . . . .

The office is essentially just an overlook of the bay, with ships and droids constantly twirling about. Today, no large freighters are reloading, so the space is rather barren, filled with only pilots and fuelers passing the time.  At the intercom, a tall, thin woman stands. Commanding Officer Mei Mei tilts her head with the coyest of smiles, like she's barely containing a secret. She greets you by name, a strange familiarity she holds with all pilots she deems worthy.

"Senior Pilot 333-G, reporting for duty," you say.

She wastes no time. Her eyes bore into you from behind the thick plait that covers most of her face.

"You're from a single biome storm planet, right?"

You hesitate to answer. Mei Mei is nice enough, but there's always an insidiousness behind it all, something you can’t quite put your finger on, but your gut can taste. Like the predatory bird, she perches herself against the edge of the table, primed to strike the moment you’re most vulnerable.

"I am, indeed," you admit. 

"And you've flown on your planet?"

It's where you learned, in between storms and pressure pockets, on the laps of men that promised to take you away and never did. "Many, many times."

"Good." She claps her hands together and turns back to her makeshift desk. The same papers are scattered around its top, in the same position as always, a charade that works on most. It’d probably work on you too, if you didn’t know how often she disappeared offsite. "It’s settled then. You'll be transporting our visiting senator back to his home planet."

Your heart stops for a moment. Neurons connect.

"Who?" you ask, even though you know better.

The OutStation is a part of multiple trade routes, so it isn't uncommon for senators to make appearances. Most of the time, it's to file complaints about efficiency or lost shipments (with piracy at an all time high, you can't blame them), but a certain senator seems to visit more often than others.

"That would be me.” The man in question stands up from his chair on the other side of the desk and you wonder how you didn't notice him before. Every hair on your body stands on edge as you process his presence, a Loth cat with its hackles raised. 

“This time of year, the storms can knock out the Nav and landing systems."  He adjusts his cuff link and smooths the sleeve back into place, always the picture of grace. Senator Nanami Kento, with perfectly coiffed blonde hair and chin never below parallel with the ground, adjusts his glasses and you catch his steely gaze directly. This time, there’s no hint of a smile, just a thin drawn line on his peach slice lips.

Your mouth goes dry.

It's not that you don't like the Senator. Oh. Quite the opposite.

He’s You-Know-Who.

You’re not sure where you gathered the absolute gall to develop feelings for the man. It certainly wasn’t a logical decision. The men you usually go after are in your league: other pilots passing through, engineers that can’t remember your last name, strangers who understand the game and how to play it-- it’s always people who see the Outer Rim Hick written across your face and treat you as such. You have no business falling for a man who dresses in ironed long coats, white collars that are never dirtied, with  a neck that’s never been burnt by the sun.

It doesn’t help that he’s simply attractive. Not a special kind of hot, with caveats and conditions, but genuinely, truly beautiful. It’s the kind of attractiveness that makes people kinder and life easier and you wish you were immune.

"Senator, I-" You're sweating. Your eyes won't leave where you've planted them on the floor. His boots are polished leather, so shiny you can see your warped reflection. It’s better than looking at him. "Wouldn't it be better to use an official transport? Or Haiba-- 299-G?"

Haibara grew up on the same planet as the Senator, so the two have been close since their teenage years. When Haibara left, Nanami went to work, climbing the political ladder. Their home planet used to be a bit more like yours, desolate and unknown, but in the past ten years Prixiyi has transformed into a vacation destination. The change is controversial amongst the citizens, but it undeniably has made the planet a gem in the eyes of the galaxy.

Maybe that’s what made you like him in the first place, that ability to rise. 

"There's no official transport in this sector and Haibara is currently… out of commission. I need to go home as quickly as possible and finish some work before the tourism season begins." Senator Nanami leans back, turning away to mutter over his shoulder. "Besides, I'd prefer to make it back in one piece."

Despite yourself, you blossom into a smile. Haibara doesn't have a very good track record of keeping his craft in the sky. It's a bad joke, but coming from him, it's everything.

From the corner of your eye, Mei Mei gives you a sideways glance. That immediately sobers you. Don’t forget yourself: you’re a grunt performing a job, not some schoolgirl with a crush. This isn’t some sort of fanfiction; there’s no reason to get excited.

“I just need someone with experience dealing with the hazards," The Senator reiterates. 

"I'll rise to the occasion, sir." You nod to both of the people in the room. Besides, you aren’t some rookie flyboy anymore: you, for better or worse, are considered a proper pilot. As an adult woman, you can swallow down a childhood crush for a couple hours.

Then, maybe, you can go home and masturbate about it.

“Wonderful,” Mei Mei says it in a way where you doubt she really thinks it's wonderful at all. She waits a moment, that crisp smile still pulled tight, "Well?"

There’s the moment, where your guard is down and the soft belly of your emotions is exposed. “Uh-”

“Our darling-” she stresses that word and the man in question seems stiffer, if that’s even possible- “darling Senator said as soon as possible. Start moving.”

You don't wait for any further instruction. In a bit of a scramble, you turn on your heel and leave, careful not to let the door slam. The lack of sleep is still tight in your muscles, but you push through and head towards the bay. There was no instruction of exactly where to go or what you’re flying, but that doesn’t matter.

As long as you know who is onboard, it’ll be a nightmare.

Masterlist | part two

#read later #i am intrigued

[levi-my-beloved]

[levi-my-beloved]

it's giving Gojo/Nanami @peace-for-levi

#HELPPPPP #this has me on the FLOOR #DECEASED #my brain just operated best with an optimal amount of caffeine #which just so happens to be #that gold moment between 'being okay' and 'caffeine overdose'

[levi-my-beloved]

carefully, i was going to live

FEATURING. past nanami kento x f!reader, gojo satoru x reader — wc: 2.9k

SUMMARY: you and gojo realize you share the same kind of pain.

CONTENTS: shibuya arc / jjk s2 spoilers, death, grief, depression, suicidal thoughts, references to disordered eating, implied satosugu, platonic gojo x reader, anger, angst, gojo isn’t sealed

note: reader & gojo’s relationship for the future is up to your interpretation. title is from a mitski song <3

The world was bleak outside your window.

With November came the death of all things beautiful. The trees grew barren, flowers wilted into dreary puddles, the sky turned a muddy shade of grey, and your house transformed into a tomb.

It was almost evening now. The streets were busy with people commuting home from work, children skipping along sidewalks after a tedious day at school. Each expression became the epitome of human nature, and through all their ups and downs, there they stood, alive.

You blinked at the scene, just enough to wet your eyes, trying to ignore the spiteful hatred that bubbled up in you against cheerful strangers.

When the women had a smile on their faces, your mind easily morphed them into miserable frowns, weaved a story of how their partners treated them terribly. Children’s loud giggles turned into wretched cries, sobs from spoiled complaints of not getting their way. Men’s casual conversations on their cell phones became a long-winded rant of how their job was slowly destroying them.

There wasn’t anything left for you in the world but misery. It should only be fair that other people received the same.

Perhaps that was an evil thought, but you didn’t care. The bed was cold, and it had started to smell of something awful from the sheets that housed your own grime and sweat. You shivered, bundling yourself up in the blankets more.

An ache increased in your stomach before it grumbled, breaking the silence. Though, it suppressed its own pleas, knowing better than to suspect sustenance after so many evenings of emptiness. Over and over, you ignored your hunger, a part of you hoping that your body would begin to devour itself from the inside out.

Perhaps, then, you’d finally achieve the peace that you’d been longing for.

From the world inside your mind, Kento scolded you, begged you to pull yourself out of the darkness that you’d crawled into. He’d be unhappy, that much was certain. One look at your unkempt hair would put a crease between his eyebrows. He’d recoil at the piled trash that you’d been too exhausted to take out.

Still, you knew better than to believe he’d be anything but kind about it. Stern, maybe, but uncompromising words would never leave his lips without soft eyes and a sad smile.

You swallowed down the nausea that erupted from within you, and buried yourself deeper into the pillow, wishing the couple in the distance would cease their affectionate embrace.

A tear collected on your lash line.

For a moment, you let yourself fall into the painful peace of delusion. A phantom touch rested on your skin, comforting fingertips dancing along your hip. Kento Nanami’s love pressed into every subtle graze. Please. Let me help you.

His voice was raspy, unfamiliar, and you wondered if you were starting to forget the sound of it, the exact inflection of his words, even though you listened to his painfully short inbox message every day, replayed the voicemails he left you more often than music.

A dry sob forced its way up, though no sound released as you squeezed Kento’s pillow tighter, digging your nose into the cotton. You were desperate for his lingering scent, but it had been two weeks since he’d been killed, and there was nothing left of him.

Still, you sprayed his old cologne on every surface, left everything as he had, and pretended that he was still around.

Grief hugged you tight, trying to embody the embrace that Kento had once given you. You didn’t hear the knock at your front door, muffled from two rooms away and the constant swirl of your heartbroken musings.

No one had visited you in two weeks. Itadori had tried, but you’d screamed far too cruelly at him, even though he was just a kid, and none of this was his fault. The list of guests had been shortened since then.

You didn’t blame them.

Someone said your name, though it was distant, and it was easy to chalk it up to your imagination. Though, the plea became a whisper through a grisly storm, then a scream over the fierce winds in an attempt to reach you.

You opened your eyes, shifting to face the noise. 

Satoru Gojo stood at the edge of your bed, his large frame towering over you with every ounce of power he’d been born with, his slack jaw unable to hide his horror at the mess you’d made of yourself. Blindfolded eyes flicked across the room, then, his lips curled into a grimace.

“You’ve been ignoring my calls,” he said. Another sound but your own breath was so unnatural in the stale room. It took you far too long to understand him.  

You blinked back once, before rolling over to return your attention to the window once more, the scene beyond it still playing like a television series. Kento had always hated that your bedroom had a view of the city, some illusion of privacy gone now that he could see the world outside. Though, it was the only thing you could be grateful for now, as that square panel of glass became your salvation.  

“Sorry.” Your voice was hoarse, raspy. You weren’t sure when you’d used it last. “Phone’s dead.” It had been for days. The slender device rested useless on your nightstand, and you wondered how many people had died since Kento; jujutsu sorcerers didn’t stop fighting just because you had.

Gojo shuffled around the room. You peered over your shoulder to see him sliding the charger into your phone, the screen lighting up later with a bright logo and a ding.

“Everyone’s been calling.” His back was to you, muscles taut with exhaustion and strain. “There aren’t enough sorcerers. We’ve lost so many people.”

You tensed and considered blocking your ears, humming a song like a petulant child. No part of you wanted to hear about Jujutsu. Satoru Gojo could manage on his own, and you didn’t give a damn about saving the world anymore.

“I can’t help you,” you said, realizing just how true that was. There wasn’t an ounce of energy within your body.

Though you had let yourself rot, you had grand plans of finding a curse you could never defeat. You would never be strong enough in your current state, and that was alright. You just wanted to go out with some semblance of a purpose, as Kento had. Maybe that way, it wouldn’t feel so much like a suicide.

“I know,” Gojo sighed, and you waited a minute before he spoke again. “That’s not why I came.”

You breathed; the process was no longer subconscious. “Then why are you here?”

Gojo came around the bed to stand in front of you once more, so close that he blocked your view of the window. His icy irises had been revealed, somehow warning you just how serious he was about this intervention.

The laugh you couldn’t muster up came out in a shaky exhale. You weren’t scared of Gojo, and you certainly weren’t impressed by him enough to listen to whatever wisdom he wanted to bestow upon you.

“I just want to help my old friend.” A twinge of pity in his voice irritated you, even though it was warranted. The scene before him couldn’t evoke any sort of emotion except for pathetic despair. “Is that so hard to believe?”

“No.” Your muscles were weak as you maneuvered your shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. “I just don’t care. Not even Satoru Gojo can fix everything. I thought you’ve learned that by now.” It was cruel, you knew that, but you spat the words without regret, rolling onto your back.

The stiffness in your hips alleviated, and finally, he couldn’t pin you with his gaze. You could only imagine the way he’d flinched at your comment, wondering when the shy, sweet girl from his youth had become such a bitter woman.  

Your eyes glued to the ceiling, and you imagined Kento there beside you, staring at you with a wistful smile while you merely blinked up at the white walls.

Gojo said your name again. Then he was tugging on your arm, and the clench around your heart unfurled, bringing you away from the desperate fantasy.

“Look at me,” Gojo said, and his words were harsher, exasperated, and you realized he’d been talking this entire time, minutes of one-sided conversation flowing in one ear and out the other.

“No, Satoru,” you growled, trying to resist, even though you didn’t have the strength. He pulled you to a seated position easily, forcing you to look at him once more, and never let go of your wrist. “Get out of my house.”

“Not until you talk to me.”

“Get out.”

“No.” Satoru stared at you, his eyes cold and unflinching, and for a moment, you realized just how fearsome he could be, why so many curses looked him in the eye and remembered that they didn’t stand a chance. Then, he blinked, and that image was gone, left with the picture of a broken man who had lost too many friends, and was trying not to lose you too. “You won’t talk to anyone; you won’t see anyone. You’re destroying yourself like this. I won’t let it go on any longer.”

The sympathy and disappointment in his voice disgusted you, and you recoiled with a renewed strength, slapping his hand away. “I don’t care if you want to be a hero now. You couldn’t help Kento, and you can’t help me. What good is being the strongest if you can’t even save the people that you care about?”

Gojo tensed, his jaw clenching like you’d slapped him across the face. That, at least, gave you some sort of satisfaction, even if it only lasted for a moment. A twinge of regret started, burning brighter and brighter until the weight of your comment came down on you.

There was a point to being angry at the world, to projecting your suffering onto strangers. They would never bear witness to every ounce of your misery. But Gojo had known you since you were a child, had cared about Kento too, and you were treating him no better than the curses that had killed the man you loved.

“Fine,” Gojo said more tersely. “I can’t help you. You have to want to help yourself, too.” He raked a hand across his face, revealing dark, purple circles, and sallow skin. The two of you were an ugly picture—the perfect personification of every struggle a jujutsu sorcerer could experience. “I just thought you’d want to know you still have a friend. Nanami and Haibara may be gone, and…” He looked away, mouth pulling down further. “Suguru, but I’m still here, you know?”

You swallowed, even though your lips were too parched to produce any saliva. They were cottony and stuck together as you spoke. “Don’t come back here, Gojo.” Though you swayed, lightheaded, you didn’t lay back down, only curled your knees into your chest, feeling small. “I don’t want to be a sorcerer anymore. I don’t want to remember any of it.”

Gojo hesitated, disappointed that his previous comment hadn’t hit as hard as he’d intended.

“What will you do, then?” he asked, his hands helplessly dangling by his side before he moved to sit beside you.

“Nothing.” The word felt like a punishment to say, even when that’s all you’d been doing, for days. Your life meant nothing anymore, so there was no point in trying. “I’ll forget I ever loved Kento Nanami and then I’ll disappear.”

Gojo’s face turned, his eyes narrowing, lips curling down. “No, you won’t.”

You almost came back with a childish retort—but it no longer seemed worth it. You turned back towards the window, wondering if it would rain soon. The sky looked like it might.

“Why not?”

“Because you’re the only person still alive who knew Nanami exactly as he was. There are people out there who cared enough about the both of you to not let you throw that all away.”

Guilt gnawed at you. Kento may not have ever respected Gojo for his decisions as a sorcerer, but deep down, he’d always known that he was a good man who tried to do right by everyone.

“What am I supposed to do, then?” you said, quietly at first, swallowing back the heavy emotions that weighed on you. Satoru watched you, never interrupting, though your pause was long and burdened. “I just want it to stop. It hurts so much, Satoru.”

“I know.”

“Everyone moved on like Shibuya never happened.” You twirled the ring around your finger as the heavy tears returned, ones that you’d thought had long been expelled. It seemed impossible that someone should be able to cry without end, yet, your grief was unrelenting, and your cheeks grew wet once more. “Everyone kept going, and I can’t do that. I can’t pretend like I didn’t lose my entire future. I’m never going to get married, Satoru. I’ll never be able to—”

You stopped, choked by your own emotions as a lump rose in your throat, sour like bile. It was the first time you’d said the words out loud. They tasted worse than they felt in your mind. You’d never be able to call Kento Nanami your husband.

Gojo’s eyes softened, and though he reached for you, you flinched away, swallowing over and over to bury your tears. Heaving breaths came, unsteady.

“Nanami wouldn’t want this for you.” It was cruel, too close to mockery to make you feel anything but anger.

You already knew that you were disappointing the man who loved you with every fiber of his being. The sight of you so weakened would wreck Kento, but you couldn’t get yourself to move out of the house. Not even when your skin yearned for a ray of sunlight, or your body screamed for something other than the stale convenience store snacks.

“Don’t say that. Kento’s not here anymore.” His name came out choked on your lips, the first time you’d said it since screaming it in misery. The word didn’t feel so much like love anymore. It was sorrow, wrapped into two tiny syllables. “What he’d want doesn’t matter.”

Satoru lowered his voice, treating you as fragile as you’d become, uncertain how to speak to someone who would never want to listen. “It does matter. He loved you so much.”

You covered your ears, squeezed your eyes shut. “Satoru, please. Stop it.”

“He’d want you to be happy—”

“I don’t care.” You spoke over his ramblings and pushed him away until you were certain he’d fall off the bed. Though, it did nothing to move him, strong and steadfast Satoru Gojo who would never be toppled. “You just don’t understand. I replay it over and over in my head, wondering why I wasn’t there, why you weren’t there.” You dropped your head in your hands, breathing into your palms like a paper bag. “It’s not fair.”

“Nothing’s fair.” Satoru said, the age-old cliché, a hand hesitant on your wrist. He was quiet when he said your name again. “I know how you feel.”

“No you don’t.” You slapped him away, even when he held strong, even when he let you see the anguish he usually hid away, let it erase the warmth from his expression.

You remembered dark long hair, kind brown eyes, a young man who had once held such a promising future. Two best friends that perhaps had been more, never sharing the secrets of their ill-fated bond.

“No, you don’t.”

Gojo was scooting closer, pulling you into his arms, the embrace tight, protective.

He was serious and sullen in a way that you hadn’t seen since Geto died. Gojo was a master at veiling his emotions in laughter, but it seemed now that your own emptiness was reflected back at you, the sheer desire to stop existing all at once.

“I know it better than anyone.” Nothing more than a whisper. The tears were too heavy and hot; there was nothing you could do to stop them. “You’re not alone.”

You were quiet for a moment, then another, before everything that you’d been feeling for the past two weeks crashed upon you like a wave, drowning you, and you were unable to breathe, clinging to Gojo like he was the only thing holding you above water.

You’d known Kento for ten years. You’d been strangers, friends, lovers parted by death before either of you had turned thirty, and though you weren’t the only person who had lost someone in Shibuya, you felt like the only one who was too weak to recover from it.

“Satoru.” Your voice broke. “I don’t know how to live without him.”

Gojo smiled. “You find a way.” Said so confidently, a man who’d been through it all before, and your heart shattered with sobs that came out uncontrollably, soaking Satoru’s shoulder.

Desperately, you clawed at his back, wishing you could wear his skin as a protective shield, could tear his heart out of his chest and trade it for your own, if only to gain an ounce of his strength. He held you tight in his arms, but nothing about him was the same, right down to the very blue eyes that had lost all their arrogance. Both had dimmed, and even the infinity within them seemed to end.

He didn’t smell like Kento, didn’t feel like Kento—but no one else had comforted you since he’d died, so you let him. Satoru kissed your forehead with an affection you’d already forgotten, reminding you to move on.

You never would.

#read later #STOP ENABLING ME

[levi-my-beloved]

@peace-for-levi i entirely blame u for this nanami obsession i have but read this or i’ll kill u

hi rylie!! thank you sm for the recs! and since you said your inbox is open …

could i maybe request a fic where nanami proposes to you? like a spur of the moment thing where it’s not really the “right time” but he just springs out the question bc he wants you forever 🥹😮‍💨

thank you a bajillion! <3

my everything

FEATURING: nanami kento x f!reader — wc: 3.1k

SUMMARY: after nanami remembers how short life can be, he realizes he wants to spend the rest of his with you.

CONTENTS: takes place during jjk 0, slight angst per usual, marriage proposals, sorcerer!reader, nanami's pov, happy ending

note: thank you for this sweet request!! i kind of took it and ran w it, but this was so much fun to write :) i hope you enjoy lovely!! <33

Kento couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so afraid.

The gnawing feeling of dread was as heavy as the ring in his pocket, the one that he now regretted hanging onto for so long. Shinjuku streets were drenched in the blood of so many curses, humans, and sorcerers and it sickened him, reminded him that life could be cut short at any moment. There was a reason that he’d quit Jujutsu so many years ago, and he started to wonder if he’d made the right decision in coming back.

Kento sorted through the bodies, scanned the mangled corpses for any sign of your familiar face. He never spotted you, but he wasn’t certain if it was a relief that you were nowhere to be found.

Satoru stood at the edge of the street, his forehead lined with sweat, the pale bandages falling away from his icy eyes. Briefly, he dropped the façade that always lingered, and it was obvious how tired he was. How much everything had beaten him down in the last decade and refused to let up.

In that moment, Kento felt sorry for him. Then, Satoru resumed his usual air of arrogance, straightened his back, and the natural balance fell between them once more.

In just a few strides, Kento was upon him, his hair unruly, shirt wrinkled as the tie remained still crumpled around his hand. His muscles ached and he longed for a shower—though any of those trivial thoughts were outweighed by his incessant need to find you.

“Where is she?” The words hung in the air before Kento realized they’d left his lips at all.

Satoru hesitated, almost unwilling to hand over his confession so easily. “I sent her back to the school.”

Kento clenched his fists, but Satoru was defending himself before any irrational actions could be taken.

“She insisted, Nanami.”

Still, he couldn’t help but wish that Satoru had ignored your pleas, even if Kento was unsurprised that you’d volunteered to stand by the students’ side. You weren’t the type of person to let a few first and second years go up against a special grade on their own, no matter how strong they were.

Satoru was squeezing Kento’s shoulder before he had even noticed the movement. Something in his expression had darkened, and though Kento normally would’ve shoved him off, put some distance between the two of them, he wasn’t sure he could remember a time when Satoru Gojo looked so somber. “I wouldn’t have sent them there if I wasn’t certain they’d be alright. I’m not as cruel as you might think.”

Kento knew that he had never behaved warmly towards his ex-classmate, but his opinion of the man was not as low as Satoru believed. For better or worse, Satoru loved his students, and though he pushed them, Kento knew he would never put them into an undefeatable danger.

He sighed, dropping his chin to his chest as Satoru’s hand fell away from his shoulder. “Just take me to her, Gojo.”

Satoru nodded, his lips curling down into a frown before he was teleporting them both back to the high school. There, the sight was even more dismal than Kento had expected. Many of the buildings had been destroyed and there were clear residuals from many sorcerers and curses. It was chaos, a grim sight to behold, and they weren’t even past the gate.

The anxiety twisted up in his chest, and inwardly, he prayed, hopeful that you were as fine as Satoru believed. That Geto, in every inch of his darkened heart, would hesitate when it came to killing an old friend.

“Hey,” Satoru said, tying up the blindfold once more, tightening it across his snowy hair. “She’s fine. This, I’m certain of.”

Kento’s lips were too dry to even offer a thank you, even though Satoru probably deserved it, for all the sacrifices he made, all the time. Instead, he nodded, and turned away from the tall man, haunted by a memory of him once as young as the students that had been left behind to protect humanity.

The leaves and gravel crunched under Kento’s feet as he ran up to the school, taking in the sheer destruction that had befallen the place he’d once called home. It made him ache with a longing for a simpler time, even though he could never go back, and the boy he’d been was long gone.

It was a brisk night—the kind of night that you normally would’ve spent bundled up inside, a bowl of hot soup between you, a movie running while you rested your head against Kento’s shoulder, dozing off before the credits rolled.

That’s how his night should’ve gone. Instead, he was searching every crushed piece of building, every pile of rubble in case your body had been caught between it.

Kento knew that the life of a sorcerer was a miserable one, that it was easy to lose the people you cared about, but he wasn’t certain he’d be able to go on for much longer if he lost you.

The ring was even heavier in his pocket, weighing him down, making it near impossible to move. If you hadn’t survived, Kento would never forgive himself for waiting so long to propose.

He called your name, ripping off his glasses in any attempt to see you better, wondering where you could’ve disappeared to, hoping that you hadn’t died alone.

The grounds, it seemed, had been hollowed out completely, and for the first time, Kento wondered if Gojo was wrong about his old friend.

Panic clawed up his chest, scratching at his throat, sending him into an illogical spiral before a small, shaky voice from behind him brought him back to reality, a light that parted through the black night, so sweet and heavenly to his ears.

“Kento?”

He turned, blinked as you swayed on your feet, making your way slowly down the steps of the main building. You walked awkwardly on your ankle, though you pushed on, heading towards him despite the pain.

For a moment, he watched, and then he was upon you without even acknowledging his movements, two long strides that brought him back to his salvation.

Kento pulled you into his arms, burying his face in your hair, breathing in the undeniable truth that you were still alive, even as you winced from his stronghold, your arms limp at your sides.

“Fuck,” Kento said, kissing you on the top of the head, your hairline, forehead. His eyes were glossy with tears that had been held back by his remaining shreds of hope. “You scared me there for a second, sweetheart.”

Your hands were on his chest, tracing his bicep before you curled your fingers around his jaw, bringing his gaze to your own. The touch was light, searching for any wounds that hid under his stained button-up. “I’m okay,” you said, softly, even though your face was bruised, your ankle twisted, and you were bleeding from more places than one. “Are you?”

Kento nearly laughed, wondering how you could even think to ask that question when he was untouched compared to you. Though, the amusement died immediately when you looked at him with so much concern that he melted, and he squeezed your hand in reassurance. “I’m okay.”

You nodded, expression serious as you attempted to ingrain the words into your mind, convince yourself that everything would be alright, even though things hadn’t been that way in nearly a decade. You kept your hands on him, as if waiting for some wounds to appear, for him to start bleeding into your palm, even though his injuries went no further than some sore muscles.

“And everyone else?”

Kento pulled you into his chest, running a hand up and down your back, wishing that he could heal you as easily as Shoko could, that a gentle touch could fix everything that had ever soiled your life. “Everyone’s fine,” he said, and as far as he knew, that was true. “A little beat up, but they’re alive.”

You exhaled, nodding into his chest as you rested your weight on him.

Kento would gladly bear it, would carry you all the way home if need be.

Briefly, you were silent, before you squeezed your eyes shut painfully and grimaced. “I got the students to Shoko, but they were all so hurt, so badly,” you swallowed, digging your fingers into his shirt, and Kento suddenly hated that Satoru hadn’t sent him with you, even if he was needed in the city. “Geto—”

You stopped yourself, and said nothing more, heartbroken by a boy you had too many fond memories of to ever see in a malicious light. It was difficult for everyone who’d ever known him back then, even if he hadn’t been that way in a decade.

Kento swallowed and you pushed away your tears, buried whatever conversation had transpired earlier between you and the dark-haired sorcerer.

Though, you’d resolved to be everything that Geto was not. That, at least, had been one positive outcome of his betrayal. “It’s not your fault, love.”

“I should’ve been more prepared to kill him, Kento. I’m not as strong as him, but I should’ve been able to hold him off until Gojo—” You choked back a cry before standing straight, shaking your head. “I tried too hard to reason with him. I left it to a student, and—”

“Hey,” Kento held your cheeks tight in his palms, forcing you to gain a better perspective of the situation. You looked up at him with soft, lost eyes, and Kento was filled with a swell of adoration for you, for the strength that came with the vastness of your heart.

Despite all you’d suffered, you’d managed a smile, been the light in Kento’s life, even when he’d wanted to do nothing but wallow in his own misery. If not for you, he wasn’t sure he ever would’ve come back to being a sorcerer at all. If not for you, Kento would’ve been lost, without an ounce of meaning in his life.

You were so foolish for thinking you hadn’t done enough, when you’d done more for him than he could put into words. Kento’s love for you was enormous, and in that moment, he would’ve let the rest of the world collapse in on itself if it meant you’d be safe and happy.

“Any of us would’ve done the same. Do you really believe that Gojo would’ve so easily killed Geto without speaking to him first? Would I have?”

The look didn’t dissipate from your irises, but you didn’t disagree with him, and that was enough. Kento kissed you, deeply, putting every ounce of affection into that single touch. Everyone had made it out of the night alive, and you’d been there for the students when it mattered the most. That was more than he could say, at least.

“I don’t want to lose anyone else, Kento,” you said, blinking at him once more with those sad eyes, ones that he never wanted to see on your normally bright expression. “I can’t keep pretending it doesn’t tear me apart.”

“You won’t lose me,” he promised, even though he knew that there was no way he could keep it, an oath that was almost destined to be broken. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“You and I both know that you can’t be sure of that,” you said, backing out of his embrace to wrap a protective arm around yourself. The smile that graced your lips was sad, defeated. “Our world is not merciful enough.”

Kento knew that better than anyone, and he’d been reminded of it that evening. Reminded of the loss that befell those who wanted to fight for a better world, and even those who didn’t. Death didn’t give any warning, didn’t choose based off anything more than a random draw. “Then I’ll promise to love you until the day I die. That, at least, is a vow I won’t ever break.”

The ring in his pocket was practically vibrating now, reminding him how little the non-necessities of life mattered to him. All this time, he been waiting for the perfect moment, to plan everything down to the very last detail.

It seemed meaningless now.

You squeezed his hand, your face brightening despite your sorrow, lips tugging up sideways. “I can promise the same.” Kento’s heart swelled, and you kissed his cheek before dragging him a few steps forward so the two of you were walking in time together. “We should go check on the students. I want Shoko to check my ankle too. I’ve suffered worse, but it’s starting to swell pretty badly.”

Kento nodded, though his mind was too busy whirling with fears of a wedding that might never happen, that you might never know he was going to propose if he didn’t do it soon. You could be snatched away from him at any moment, or perhaps, he could leave this world with the ring still in his pocket, and you’d only know once you found it on his corpse.

Kento wouldn’t forgive himself, even in death, if he didn’t do what he’d been wanting to do for months.

With one arm around your shoulder, he reached the other into his pocket, twirling the box. He wasn’t even sure why he carried it with him that night when he could’ve so easily lost it in the middle of battle.

Yet, there it was, lingering, the constant weight in his pocket that rested against his hip. He swallowed, and you looked up at him, your lips falling back once more into a frown.

“Hey,” you said, slowing your pace, concern evident in your expression. “Is something wrong? Did something happen in Shinjuku, Kento? I didn’t mean to just brush off—”

Kento shook his head, shushing you quickly. It didn’t take him long to make up his mind, and he wrapped the tiny box up in his hand. “Nothing’s wrong, sweetheart.” He kissed the top of your head again before holding the box out, presenting it to you calmly, without any spike in his normal tone. “I just was thinking about how I was going to ask you to marry me.”

You stopped completely, your pupils blown wide as you took the box from him with shaky hands, blinking back down at it before meeting his tender brown eyes. “Kento?” you said again, calmly, as if waiting for him to explain.

A beat of silence passed between you. Kento, suddenly, felt nervous around you for the first time in a long while.

“Truthfully, I was going to prepare a long-winded speech and buy you some flowers and take you out for dinner. But,” he cleared his throat, regaining his composure as he flipped the lid of the velvety box, revealing the sparkling ring he’d spend hours searching for. “I love you too much to waste any more time. Somehow, until tonight, I’d forgotten how short life can be. I just want to spend every moment I can as your husband.”

Your eyes became glossy as you stared down at the beautiful gem, lifting the ring out of the box to slide onto your finger. As expected, it fit you perfectly, shimmering in the pale light, the perfect complement to your skin. Kento gently took your hand, kissing the knuckle right below the jewelry.

“I’ll propose again to you properly,” he said, laughing quietly, though if it was because of your silence or the joy lodged within him, he couldn’t be certain. “Without all the blood and the—"

“Kento.” Your lips were on his before he could finish his sentence, harsh and passionate despite your injuries. Fingers curled around his chin, holding him into place, making him forget all the horrors that had occurred that evening. “Don’t be silly. I don’t need a grandiose display to know I want to be with you forever. I love you too much.”

Kento’s chest warmed, that bundle of affection within him bursting, making its way through every ounce of his being. There, you seemed to glow brighter, every day making you more beautiful than before, and he wondered how it could be possible that he could feel so much for one person.

He relaxed, unknowingly tense, and kissed you again on the forehead, his arms around your shoulder once more. “I should’ve done it sooner.”

You smiled and caressed the harsh bones of his cheeks, shaking your head. “It wouldn’t have changed anything.” You laughed, pulling him down by the tie, pressing a kiss between his brows to ease the wrinkle there. “Besides, now you’ve turned this awful night into something special. I don’t have to remember this day with a bitter taste in my mouth.”

Kento returned your smile, but it was still weak, even with all of the adoration he felt for you.

Though, when you beamed at the ring, your eyes soft, all of the previous despair gone, he knew that everything would be alright. Perhaps his timing had been less than ideal, but he would do it over and over again if only to ease away the misery from your face.

“So, then you will marry me?” he said again, wanting to hear the words from your lips, even though there was no doubt in his mind.

You rolled your eyes playfully, noticing his teasing smile and indulged him. “Yes, Kento.” You kissed his cheek, letting out a sharp exhale. “I’ll marry you. I would’ve always said yes, even back when we were silly, lovesick teenagers.” You sighed theatrically, adjusting his tie. “Who knows why. You had such a ridiculous haircut back then.”

Kento’s cheeks grew warm, splitting with the force of his smile, one that only seemed to appear with you at his side. Despite all of the horrible things that had happened in all of your lives, he was grateful that there were good moments too.

“Well, I still managed to win over the prettiest girl in the world, didn’t I?” he said, ghosting the words as he laced his fingers with your own, squeezing tight. “Now I get to call her my fiancée.”

You mumbled something less than kind under your breath, but Kento could feel the warmth on your cheeks, the flush the began from your neck.

He laughed, continuing his path back to the infirmary, where the students were likely waiting for you to return safe and sound. “Come on, I’m taking you to see Shoko. I wouldn’t want my future wife’s injuries to get any worse, would I?”

And though the both of you knew your injuries were minimal, your eyes brightened as the skin around them wrinkled, and Kento knew that whatever happened after this, he would live and die a happy man.

#am i on a kento kick? #yeah 100% #this was just #mmmmmmmmm #hurt/comfort at its finest #the overcast beginning with the undertones of dread delicious #characterisation on POINT #i love the casual mention of marriage it’s a personal favourite of mine to both read and write #that shit is just mmmmmm #good soup #essa’s recs #plus we have similar blog names

[levi-my-beloved]

Hello! As an SA survivor, I really appreciated your story with Naoya. My comfort character is Nanami and I was wondering if you could write something similar? Where reader has an anxiety attack bc of her trauma and finally tells nanami about it? She’s worried that he won’t accept her and nanami reminds her he’ll never do that. It’s a heavy topic so I completely understand if you want to pass on this! I appreciate your writing regardless so thank you for taking the time to write & post these stories :)

hii! i'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond (can you believe my last post was almost half a year ago :0) but thank you for the ask! i made this absurdly long because i love backstories but i hope you like it :)

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nanami x fem reader (she/her pronouns used) - fluff & comfort - pet names (darling, sweetheart, baby) - wc. 7.7k

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please note that there are mentions of SA (nothing explicit/graphic) after the little "exhibit" sections are over. if you aren't comfortable with mentions of past SA (ex: nanami asking if someone has "hurt" reader) please don't read past the little "exhibit" scenarios or don't read/expand the post at all :) again, it's pure fluff in the "exhibit a, b, c" parts, after that SA is discussed/alluded to

-

Nanami Kento is an exceedingly patient man.

Exhibit A: The time you were an hour late to your first date.

—

“Come on, just trust me on this one!” Shoko exclaims as she pelts you with blueberries—your blueberries.

“Hey!” You glare at your best friend, snatching the bowl of fruit away before any more berries end up on the floor. “Do you know how much blueberries cost these days? They’re not in season right now and—”

“Blah blah,” Shoko sticks her tongue out at you. “I’m not saying you have to marry him.. It’s just one date!” She pauses, tone becoming uncharacteristically serious. “I’ve been friends with him since high school… He’s a really nice guy, very respectful.”

“Oh?” You quirk an eyebrow at your roommate, laughter bubbling over your lips. “Very respectful,” you’re giggling now, “I’m sure he’s veryy respectful.”

Shoko groans, hands scrubbing at her face. “You’re unbelievable—I need a cigarette,” she mutters.

“You’re unbelievable! You’re a med student who smokes!” you cry out, flinging an accusatory finger at her.

Shoko just snorts, waving a dismissive hand in your direction as she pats at her pockets for her lighter. “I’m serious though, I think he would be good for you.”

“Sure, he’s exactly what I need,” you reply dryly. “What was his name again? Nanami something—”

“Kento,” Shoko chimes in.

“—Nanami Kento,” you finish, twirling a blueberry between your thumb and index finger. “I’m sure he’s a great person. But you know there’s a reason why I’m never home when your guy friends are over…” You trail off, shrugging as if you’re unbothered, but Shoko sees the way your brows furrow and lips tremble. “Plus, I’m too busy with my dissertation and research to try to have a life,” you huff, easing the tension with some lighthearted humor, popping the berry into your mouth.

Shoko rolls her eyes at you good-naturedly, waggling her brows as she tries to lift your spirits. “What if I showed you a picture of him?”

-

Two photos, a not-so-slick mention of Nanami’s height by Shoko, and a sworn testament to his upstanding character later, you fold.

-

You, 6:47 PM

hey! i’m running late right now, there was an emergency at the lab. can we push the date from 7 to 8? i’m really sorry :(

Nanami Kento, 6:50 PM

Yes, of course. I hope everything is okay, take as long as you need.

You, 6:51 PM

thank you so much! again, i’m really sorry. i should be there by 8 :)

-

Nanami reads your text, slipping his phone into his pocket as he sighs. He had already arrived at the restaurant by the time he saw your first message—it’s too late to leave and come back now. He takes a seat in the waiting area, glancing at the bouquet in his lap. Shoko had threatened to break both his legs if he so much as breathed at you wrong tonight—he hopes you won’t find the flowers too much for a first date.

Nanami thinks back to what he knows about you. He remembers the first time he was at Shoko’s place: you were nowhere in sight (much to the dismay of Gojo, who kept asking Shoko to play matchmaker for him), but Shoko just explained that you were studying late at the library. Every time after that, it was another excuse: Shoko’s roommate can’t come because she’s busy in the lab, busy at the library, busy writing her dissertation, busy running simulations, busy reading papers, busy being a TA, busy meeting with her advisor. He’s only seen you once while at your apartment, and that was because he accidentally walked into your room thinking it was the bathroom: You’d been hunched over your desk, back to the door, and Nanami had immediately walked right back out into the hallway upon his realization that bathrooms didn’t usually contain beds and desks, shutting the door as quickly as possible so as to not disturb you. You hadn’t even turned around by the time he was gone.

That was the first and last time Nanami Kento ever saw you. At least until last week, when he received a text from Shoko detailing your contact info and a winky face, phone lighting up with a call from your roommate moments later.

“Hello?”

“Kentoooo!!! Guess what??” Shoko’s voice is all high pitched and giggly, barely containing her excitement.

Nanami thinks he knows exactly what she’s up to. “What is it?” he ventures.

“My roommate just agreed to go on a date! With you!!” Shoko’s glee is apparent, even through the tinny speaker on Nanami’s phone. “I just sent—”

“I never asked her out,” Nanami cuts in. He’s frowning slightly: not entirely opposed to the idea, just hoping Shoko hasn’t gone and planned your marriage without his knowledge.

Shoko’s sigh echoes loudly over the line, and Nanami winces at the earful he’s sure to be in for. “I know,” she’s rolling her eyes now. “That’s why—if you would just let me finish my sentence—I sent you her number so you could ask her yourself.”

Nanami’s quiet for a moment, thinking it over before he asks, “Why are you doing this?”

Shoko doesn’t miss a beat. “Because you’re both losers with no lives,” she laughs a little at her own joke, then slowly considers her next words. “And… I think you would treat her well—I know you would be good to her, and she deserves that.”

Nanami can tell how much Shoko cares about you, from the way she spoke about you to the way she threatened to buy 51% of his start up’s shares and tank the company if he ever hurt you. Yeah, he really hopes you don’t think he’s coming on too strong with the flowers.

So, Nanami sits in the restaurant patiently, checking his phone ever so often to make sure he hasn’t missed any messages from you, smiling and telling the hostess he’d like to wait a while longer to be seated. And when you do show up—17 minutes earlier than expected—he’s all smiles and reassurances. You’re feeling (and looking) frazzled, apologies spilling out from your mouth like a dam let loose as you follow him and the hostess to your table. But Nanami’s the quintessential gentleman: waving away your guilt and apologetic expression, pulling your chair out for you, handing you the beautiful arrangement of flowers, pouring you a glass of water to help calm you down, insisting you call him Kento.

And though most people wince and attempt to change the topic when you talk research, Kento’s patient as he listens to your ramblings on the roadblocks you face, the students you have to teach, the lack of common sense in the lab. He makes a point to ask questions about your research, finding it interesting because you find it interesting, loving the way your face lights up when you get to describe the implications of your findings.

You hate to admit it, already hearing Shoko’s “I told you so!” in your head as you think to yourself, but Nanami Kento might just be exactly what you need.

—

Exhibit B: The time you spent 4 consecutive days with your head in a toilet bowl.

—

Shoko Ieri, 1:58 PM

dude, what the hell are you doing right now???

Nanami Kento, 2:01 PM

What do you mean? I’m working.

Shoko Ieri, 2:01 PM

what could possibly be so important with your company that you’d be working right now??

Nanami Kento, 2:02 PM

It’s 2 PM on a Monday… Am I not supposed to be working right now?

Shoko Ieri, 2:02 PM

you’re so fucking dense you would sink in the dead sea. your girlfriend has been throwing up all day and you’re WORKING?

Nanami Kento, 2:02 PM

Throwing up? What do you mean??

**Incoming call from Nanami Kento**

“Hey assho—”

“What do you mean she’s been throwing up all day?” Kento’s voice is tinged with urgency and worry. “Is she okay? Are you there with her? Can you check her temperature? I’ll be there in—”

“Dude,” Shoko cuts in, “Don’t act like you didn’t know. There’s no way you didn’t know—I mean she’s been hurling like crazy since this morning, and you’re an asshole for not checking up on her.”

Kento’s shocked, and still extremely worried, trying to just get Shoko to focus so he can make sure you’re okay. “I really didn’t know, Ieri, she hasn’t texted me at all today.” His voice is strained, concern evident in his tone. “Please tell me you’re at home with her—is she okay?”

“Well…” Shoko considers how to best put your condition so as to not cause Kento a heart attack, a little confused on why you didn’t tell him anything. “She’s been throwing up pretty steadily throughout the day and she’s got a pretty bad fever.”

“How bad are we talking? I’m driving over right now.”

“104 degrees… 104.6 last I checked,” Shoko winces as she says it, knowing how bad it sounds.

“Oh my god.” The absolute terror in Kento’s voice makes Shoko wince even harder. “Ieri, we need to get her to a hospital—this is serious.”

Shoko shakes her head, reporting dejectedly, “She won’t go. I tried a couple hours ago but she said she doesn’t get paid enough by the school to afford an emergency visit.”

Kento’s at a loss for words.

“She said she’ll be fine since I’m ‘basically a doctor,’” Shoko finishes bitterly.

“T-that’s not… You’re not… Y-you’re just a med student—that’s not the same thing—” Kento thinks he might have a heart attack.

“I know, I know,” Shoko sighs. “But, I don’t think it’s anything too bad. She isn’t throwing up blood, her breath and heart rate are both pretty stable, and she was conscious enough to talk back to me when I tried to get her to the hospital.”

“Okay,” Kento says as he takes deep breaths, trying to not think about you dying or suffering or—“Okay. Okay. Okay. I’ll be there soon, then. We can talk later.”

“Alright. Drive safe—I don’t need another patient to look after,” Shoko jokes before hanging up.

5 minutes later, a stressed Nanami Kento is on your doorstep, rushing in as soon as Shoko answers the door, barely listening to what she’s saying as he moves towards your room. And then he’s inside, kneeling before your bed as his eyes dart over your figure, murmuring a gentle, “Hi baby, how are you feeling?”

You blink your eyes open, trying to pull yourself out of that feverish fog blanketing your mind as you slowly register who’s in your line of sight. No… It can’t be. How did he find out? He’s not supposed to be here—you didn’t tell him for a reason.

“Ken?…” You rub at your eyes, sitting up with a whimper as a wave of nausea hits you square in the stomach. “W-why are you here?”

“Because somebody told me you have a 104 fever, and it wasn’t you,” Kento tuts, tone disapproving but eyes gentle.

“Ieri…” you mumble, shaking your head slightly.

“Ieri,” he confirms, shaking his own head—this time at you. “We’ll talk more about that later… Right now, I need to make sure my darling is feeling okay.”

Your mind is still foggy, but your lips quirk up into a small smile as you tease in a small voice, “Your darling is feeling superb.” You give him a weak thumbs up and cheesy grin. “I feel great.”

“Really? Because there’s a bit of vomit on your chin right now,” Kento deadpans, secretly relieved you’re feeling well enough to joke.

And then you cry out in mock outrage, regretting it almost immediately as you clutch at your middle, the outburst costing you a fit of spasms and pain in your stomach. Kento’s mood sobers instantly as he gently rubs at your back, asks if there’s anything he can do for you, adjusting the pillows behind you to help ease you into a more comfortable position.

“You should go,” you whisper as you reach up to grip his hand.

“Now why would I do that?” Kento asks, smiling softly as he feels your hold on his hand tighten.

You turn your face into the pillows, mumbling out a muffled, “I’m sick… and gross. I can’t let you see me like this.” You groan, turning your head back to look at your boyfriend as you caution, “And you’re going to get sick.”

Kento just smiles as he cups your hand between his own. “You never look gross, and I won’t get sick because I don’t overwork myself.”

You huff out a tired sigh, weakly swatting at the hands wrapped around your own as you slur, “It’s rude to torment the sick and dying,” and turn on your side to face the wall—away from your amused caretaker.

-

For the next three days, Kento—with the help of Shoko, (not quite) M.D.—looks after you as you miraculously manage to regurgitate every bit of sustenance you consume. He’s cleaned that metal “throw-up” bowl on your nightstand—meant to be used in case you couldn’t get to the bathroom in time—more times that he can count. He’s changed your sheets, helped you to the bathroom, and dutifully cooked light soups and stews, spooning them into your mouth before inevitably patting your back reassuringly as you throw it up into the toilet. Most of all, he’s poked and prodded you with that goddamn thermometer: if you had the strength to, you’d steal it right out of his hands and tell him to quit being a mother hen.

But Kento just can’t help his worrying. To take care of you, he’s been staying the night over, sleeping on that couch in the living room he’s definitely too large for. Even Shoko feels a little bad for him, watching him dutifully set alarms for every other hour so he can check up on you throughout the night. The two of them work in tandem to make sure you’re okay, combining the power of Shoko’s education with Kento’s sheer stress to maximize your care.

And when you finally come to—when the haze clouding your thoughts finally clears—he’s just as patient and gentle as he has been over the past few days.

“You’ve gotta stop overworking yourself, sweetheart,” Kento murmurs into the top of your head.

“I can rest when I’m dead,” you protest, twisting from your position on his chest to make a show out of the dramatic wink you send his way.

Kento groans. “That’s what I’m afraid of,” he says with a sigh, helping you curl back up on top of him.

You giggle, breath fanning out against his collarbone, amused by Kento’s exasperation. “Thanks for taking care of me though, Ken. You’re the best,” you whisper softly, turning to pressing a kiss against his neck.

“Of course, darling,” he replies quietly, voice full of love. Then, louder, feigning nonchalance, Kento announces, “But if you don’t start taking better care of yourself, you’ll be on your own, and I’ll just watch from a distance and say ‘I told you so’ when you get sick.”

“You wouldn’t do that to me!” you pout, frowning at the thought of him purposely ignoring you.

Kento sighs, pretending to be upset, “You’re right. I wouldn’t do that.” He reports dejectedly, “I just love you too much,” practically able to feel your smile at his words against his skin. “But—” he leans down and tilts your head up to look at him, thumb and forefinger holding your chin in place to maintain steady eye contact. “—the next time you’re sick or in need of help, you’ll tell me directly.” His voice is serious, as firm as his grip on your chin and it makes you nervous, like you’re in trouble, eyes darting around to avoid his gaze. “No trying to hide it, no making me worry. I shouldn’t have found out about your fever from Ieri—you should have told me yourself. I don’t want you hiding things from me, especially if it’s about your health and well-being. Got it?”

You’ve tensed up against Kento, heart hammering in your throat as you feel a wave of guilt wash over you. His free hand moves to soothe your back—trying to show that he’s not angry with you—as he drops his hand from your chin, eyes tracking the way you hang your head to avoid looking at him.

And then, after a bout of anxiousness, you nod, stealing a glance up at Kento to gauge his mood as you start, “I’m sorry, Ken, I didn’t mean to worry you.” You take a deep breath before you continue, “I just didn’t want to bother you. I knew you’d drop everything if you heard I was sick and it wouldn’t have been fair for me to take advantage of you like that.” You pick at a piece of lint on his shirt, avoiding catching his eye and aiming for humor as you add, “And nobody wants to watch their partner throw up, it’s gross. I couldn’t let you fall out of love with me like that.”

Kento cracks a smile. “Darling, if you think throwing up in front of me is going to make me stop loving you, I need to do a much better job of showing you how much you mean to me.”

You huff out a laugh at that, but he’s not done, cupping your hands with his own as he looks down at you. “And you’re never a bother, baby, ever. I’m never going to be upset with you for letting me know you’re not feeling well—and you won’t be ‘taking advantage’ of me by letting me know. It’s my own choice to take care of you and it makes me happy to do it.”

You’re looking down at where Kento’s hands are wrapped around your own, but you nod, letting his words sink in as you duck your head back down into the crook of his neck. “Thanks, Ken,” you whisper, trying to hide how relieved and emotional him saying that makes you feel. “That means… a lot to me. I’ll promise I won’t hide things from you anymore.”

Your boyfriend smiles, replying with a soft “good girl” as he runs his thumb along the back of your hand. He’s glad you’re opening up, and as you doze off on him, exhausted from your past couple of days and lulled to sleep by the comfortable silence and gentle caresses, he feels a surge of affection settle over his heart.

—

Exhibit C: The time you he won a stuffed lion at the fair.

—

Today is a special day. There are no papers to grade, no students to teach, no presentations or talks to prepare, and your research has reached a point where you can confidently take a few days off to rest. Naturally, you decide to optimize this golden opportunity by doing only the essentials: Scheduling a long overdue doctor’s appointment, deep cleaning your apartment, spending as much time with Kento as possible, going to the fair…. Just the essentials!

So—essentially—you’re at the fair with Kento, ignoring your ever growing list of responsibilities in favor of overpriced food and rigged carnival games. Kento’s already sporting a large tote on one shoulder, ready to collect all the prizes you’re eager to win.

Three hours, six stuffed animals, a pizza, two churros, a basket of fries, five rides, and a petting zoo later, you find yourself surveying the prizes on display in front of the cursed ring toss.

“Awww, Ken look at that one!” You’re pointing to a stuffed lion sitting amongst the prizes. “It kinda looks like you, don’t you think?”

The face Kento’s making right now can only be described as… distaste. “No… Love, I don’t see the resemblance.”

“No, no, no, look at the color! It looks just like your hair,” you exclaim, gasping and pointing once more as you realize, “Hey! It even has a little frown on its face! Do you see it Ken?”

“I don’t frown that often,” Kento says with a frown. “I’m quite happy when I’m with you.”

You burst into a fit of laughter, wishing he could have watched himself say that. “Sure, Ken,” you drawl, patting him on the shoulder as you get in line for the game, set on winning his lion-lookalike.

However, after 4 tries and an absurd amount of money, you decide to call for backup.

"Kennn," you singsong as you turn to look at him with big, pleading eyes. "Can you help me win this game?"

Kento's heart sinks, feeling conflicted. On the one hand, he'd do anything to make you happy. On the other hand, if he helps you win the lion, he'll spend the rest of his days hearing "Awww.. Isn't he just so cute?? He looks just like you, baby!" about a stuffed, over-evolved house cat.

But, in the end, the little angel on his shoulder (with a voice that sounds suspiciously similar to yours) wins. As Kento steps up for his try, he half considers putting no effort in and losing the game just so you won’t be able to correlate his good looks to a stuffed animal. Then, he (or maybe the little angel up there) decides he can’t do that to you—it would just be too cruel.

So, Kento gets ready for his turn: rolling his sleeves up, passing you the bag on his shoulder, and sighing without meaning to.

His first try is a failure. Each of the 5 rings supplied magically bounced off the bottlenecks, frustrating him to no end. “This game is rigged, sweetheart. We should find something else to play,” Kento grumbles, turning away from the booth with an irritated expression.

You shake your head, insisting, “But this is the only game we’ve seen that has that stuffed lion!” Then, you bring out the big guns, clasping your hands together and widening your eyes, begging, “Please, Ken..”

Aaaand…. He’s a goner, always so soft and willing when it comes to you.

Reinvigorated by your pleading and determined to make you happy, your boyfriend sets out on a mission to win you that stuffed lion.

After his first try, Kento sighs so hard you think you might physically feel the wind from it tickling at your forehead.

After his second try, Kento turns to you and drops a sweet little kiss on your nose to remind himself why he’s subjecting himself to this frustrating torture.

After his third try, Kento runs a hand through his hair, readjusting his sleeves with more force than necessary as he squints menacingly at the table of glass bottles.

After his fourth try, you tug at his wrist, telling him, “You don’t have to keep trying, Ken. It’s okay.” You feel guilty watching him get more and more frustrated, but he smiles, patting the back of your hand as he tells you it’s okay.

After his fifth try, Kento looks up at the stuffed lion as he takes a deep, calming breath, trying to stay focused on winning the prize and not how annoying this blatantly rigged game is.

After his sixth try, you’re seriously impressed by Kento’s ability to remain calm. You practically had steam coming out of your ears with each of your missed throws, but he’s taking this like a champ—maybe you’ll read some of his self help books to learn his ways.

After his seventh try, Kento curses under his breath, beginning to lose his cool.

After his eighth try, Kento thinks it might be time to start believing in a deity: Maybe he would have won on his first or second try with divine intervention on his side.

And then! After returning to purchase almost ten consecutive attempts and officially creeping out the worker managing the booth, Kento’s fourth ring finally finds its place around the neck of a bottle!!

You jump up and down and clap in celebration, elated by Kento’s victory. He immediately turns toward you, excitement written across his features as he wraps you up in a hug. You’re giggling and pressing kisses onto his cheek, murmuring thank you’s against his skin as you both grin ear to ear—both entirely too old to be so elated over a win at the carnival.

And even as you tease him, holding the stuffed toy up next to his face in comparison, he thinks his patience may have just paid off.

—

Nanami Kento is an exceedingly patient man.

That’s why, as you break down in front of him, he’s patient.

Just minutes ago, you’d been okay—you’d been more than okay. Seated on Kento’s lap, breath heavy as he scattered kisses across your face—moving from cheek to nose to lips to forehead—you’d been beyond okay.

Nothing had been too out of the ordinary: though Kento wasn’t a voracious and demanding lover, the two of you had shared more than a fair amount of kisses and “makeout sessions.” And you enjoyed these kisses, these “sessions,” but you also enjoyed keeping it at that, never progressing further than a few wandering touches and a lost shirt or two. Kento, always happy to follow your lead, to respect your boundaries, would never press further when you’d break away and ask to go to bed, to watch the movie, to cook dinner together.

Tonight, you planned on spending the night together at Kento’s apartment. Falling asleep and waking up next to Kento might be one of your favorite things in the world: his hair is always perfectly mussed, voice deep and raspy, and touch gentle and loving. You always wake up happy and warm all over when you feel his arm around your middle, breath hot on your ear as he murmurs a low “Good morning, darling.”

So, you show up at Kento’s place at around 6, a bag of groceries on your arm, just like usual. The two of you work together in the kitchen, each spoon feeding the other small taste-tests, just like usual. Dinner is a quiet, romantic affair, intimate and sweet, just like usual. After the wining and dining, you two curl up in bed and watch an episode of that show you’re slowly making your way through together, just like usual.

And when you end up straddling him, TV already shut off, fingers gently twisting in his soft, golden hair, Kento thinks he can get used to this being added to your usual. His hands are splayed out across your back, keeping you close to his chest as he smiles into your swollen, kiss-bitten lips. And when he starts dropping sweet little kisses—like a saint delivering small blessings—all over your face, who are you to hold back that little whimper in the back of your throat? Who is Kento to deny the surge of desire flaring low in his stomach at your reactions? His hands slip underneath your shirt, playing with the band of your bra as you squirm against him and tilt your head up to kiss him again. He moves further—further than he’s ever gone with you—and runs a finger along the underside of the waistband of your pants, brushing a knuckle against the soft skin of your pelvis.

That’s when everything changes.

The second you feel Kento touch you lower than your stomach you freeze up, jerking away from the soft kiss you’d been caught up in. Your eyes go wide and you scramble off of his lap, breath frantic as you try to calm the spike of panic blurring your senses. You’re trying to keep an eye on Kento—on his movements and expressions and demeanor—but it’s hard with how suddenly you’ve become overwhelmed and it makes you feel scared, the way you don’t know what exactly he’s going to do next.

It was just one touch, it’s okay. He doesn’t know, he didn’t mean it, he wasn’t trying to... It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s—

“Sweetheart? Are you okay? I’m not gonna hurt you, it’s okay,” Kento tries to soothe you, but you look at him like you’re… scared of him and he hates himself for frightening you so bad.

What happened?

He thinks he might have an idea of what may have set you off, and as your breathing becomes more and more erratic, he begins to worry.

“Baby,” Kento starts, tone gentle. “Has someone ever… hurt you like this? By touching you?”

The way you flinch at his words is enough to confirm his suspicions, but Kento stays quiet, waiting for you to respond.

You don’t want to tell him. Your eyes keep darting around, nervous gaze cast down onto the blanket as you think about how you should lie—

But, wait. You promised Kento that you wouldn’t hide things from him, that you’d tell him things about your health and well-being. You really shouldn’t lie to him, not about this, but you really don’t want to tell him.

You don’t want to tell him because you don’t want him to say that it was your fault, that maybe you deserved it. You don’t want to tell him because you don’t want him to start treating you like you’re dirty or shameful, like an embarrassing secret. You don’t want to tell him because you don’t want him to get angry at you for not telling him sooner, because maybe he wouldn’t have loved you all this time—wasted all this time—if he knew. You don’t want to tell him because you don’t want him to tell you that it isn’t a big deal, that you don’t have a right to be so upset over something like this, that you’re overreacting. You don’t want to tell him because you don’t want to ruin this peaceful little thing between you and him with your own issues and nightmares. You don’t want to tell him because—

Crap. You’ve been stuck in your own head for too long. The air feels thick with an awkwardly long silence as you scramble to mash together an appropriate response, but Kento’s patient and he waits without judgement, kind eyes filled with worry.

And you really don’t want to tell him, eyes welling up with tears because you’re stressed and anxious and not sure about what you’re supposed to do.

Finally, you decide to just lie, choking out a pained, “No—” as hot tears spill over your cheeks. You feel horrible and guilty for lying, knowing that Kento has never been anything but upfront and honest with you, but you’ve never been as good and brave as him so you let the lie spread its wings and shield you.

Your breath is coming out in short, stuttered pants as you try to fight the wave of anxiety attempting to drown you, hands coming up to cover your mouth in an attempt to muffle your choked sobs.

You feel horrible.

You feel horrible for lying.

You feel horrible because you ruined the moment of fun you were having with Kento.

You feel horrible for this breakdown, even if you know you can’t help it, because Kento doesn’t deserve to have to deal with this baggage he didn’t ask for.

You feel horrible because being with Kento has helped you come so far out of your shell, but now it feels like it’s all been ruined, like no matter how much progress you make, you’ll never be able to fully heal, fully escape.

You feel horrible because you can’t get those memories out of your head.

You feel horrible because you keep thinking about the last time someone touched you where Kento did.

You feel horrible for ever correlating Kento and his goodness to that person, even if it’s just in your head, even if you can’t help it, even if it’s involuntary because you’re scared.

You just feel horrible. You feel horrible about everything. And when Kento reaches for you, moving to try and gently tug at your wrist, worried about your frantic breathing and the way you seem to be trying to stop your breathing altogether with your shaking hands, you feel even worse.

When you see Kento’s hand move toward your face, you flinch so hard you choke, gasping behind your palm as you squeeze your eyes shut, shoulders tightening up with fear. You’re so on edge right now and your vision is too blurry with tears to properly gauge if he’s angry at you or not, so you just figure he is. You figure he’s seen through your lie and he’s upset with you, upset for a multitude of reasons that just overwhelm you further. You figure that if your tears dried you’d look up and find an angry Kento looming above you, brows pulled low and lips stretched into a disgusted sneer.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Kento gently murmurs, pulling his hand back, interrupting your self-destructive thoughts. “I need you to take a few deep breaths with me—think you can do that for me baby?”

Numbly, through all the noise in your mind, you follow Kento’s voice like a lifeline, nodding with an uncoordinated jerk of your neck.

“Good girl,” he praises you kindly. “Now I’m gonna need you to move your hands away from your mouth,” Kento instructs, adding softly, “Gotta stop holding your breath sweetheart, gotta let yourself breathe, even if your breathing isn’t quite right yet.”

Taking a shuddering breath, you nod again, dropping your hands from your mouth. But, once your hands drop, you stop trying to control your gasping breathing and begin to panic at the heavy heaving of your chest. Now, you’re breathing too irregularly and awkwardly: inhaling when you need to exhale and exhaling over your exhales and struggling to just take a solid breath in because your lungs won’t listen.

Because you’re breathing too rapidly, you’re simultaneously suffocating and breathing too much, escalating your panic. You’re scared and getting lightheaded and it’s too much—one hand comes up to muffle your mouth again almost immediately.

However, this time Kento is prepared, and his voice pulls you back to reality as he murmurs, “Ohhh, baby. It’s okay, it’s okay.” His voice is low and sweet and it makes you pause, instinctively wanting to listen. “I know it’s scary, but you have to keep your hand away from your mouth. Don’t try to restrict your breathing—there you go, there’s my good girl.”

You’ve tugged your hand away again, placing it in your lap as you blink up at Kento through watery lashes.

“Alright, sweetheart, now I want you to focus on your breathing. I’m going to take a few deep breaths and I want you to try to match your breathing with mine,” he says gently. “Does that sound okay?”

You nod shakily, panic ebbing slightly as you listen to his familiar voice and begin to follow the slow rhythm he sets.

“Inhale…. Exhale…”

“Inhale…” Exhale.

Inhale… Exhale….

“Good girl, that was perfect. You’re doing amazing, love,” he praises. You know he’s just being kind—your breath is stuttering and you’re involuntarily mixing up the inhales and exhales—but Kento’s reassurance makes you feel safe and calm regardless.

After a few more cycles of breath, the dizziness fades and oxygen begins steadily flowing through your lungs as you follow Kento’s lead.

Inhale… “Exhale…”

“Inhale… Exhale…”

Inhale… Exhale….

As you continue to try to control your breathing, you reach out to pick up his hand, trying to silently bridge the gap between you two, making the small first move to show him that you’re slowly becoming more comfortable and grounded. He lets you lace your hand in his, thumb comfortingly brushing against the skin of your hand, the touch gently reassuring you that you’re safe.

Soon, you feel confident enough to wordlessly move towards Kento, letting him wrap you up in a comforting embrace. Being in his arms always makes you feel better, and now that you’ve calmed down enough to realize that he’s not going to hurt you, you press yourself into his chest, searching for his steady patience and gentle manner. Your breathing has evened out, and your mind has cleared enough for you to begin flipping back on what just happened. Kento stays quiet, letting you sort through the cascade of emotions you just experienced, but the silence doesn’t feel hostile—it’s welcoming and patient.

You were kissing Kento, and then he.. he touched you and it freaked you out, and then he was talking to you and… And then he asked you a question. He asked if… He wanted to know if—

Oh my god. You lied to him.

Oh god. You need to apologize—own up to what you did and tell him the truth. But as you think about what to do, your breath begins to stumble over itself again and your heart rate picks up, anxiety taking over your senses.

Your eyes fill up with tears and you look up at Kento, saying in a small voice, “Ken? I… I lied to you… earlier.” Your words are continually interrupted by an emerging pattern of involuntary breaths and hiccups, but you continue on, “I… When y-you asked… S-someone has hurt—hurt me.. before… I lied to—to you.”

You’re fully crying now, and Kento tries calming you down, rubbing your back carefully, heart sinking at your tears and the way your breathing begins to turn into struggling gasps again.

“Oh, darling. I’m so sorry,” he murmurs into the top of your head, continuing to gently soothe your back. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. Thank you for telling me—my brave, brave girl.”

Kento’s heart hurts. It hurts knowing that you’ve been hurt in the past, that you’re sobbing in his arms because someone hurt you. It hurts knowing that you felt too scared to tell him the truth, and it hurts even more knowing that you feel scared to admit that you lied. He wants you to feel comfortable with him—to know that you should never be scared of him.

“I-Im,” you choke out through gasping breaths, “‘m sorry—I’m sorry, so—sorry. I’m sorry, K-Ken.”

You’re not sure what you’re apologizing for, you just know that you need to be apologizing for something. Maybe you’re apologizing for lying. Maybe you’re apologizing for having been assaulted. Maybe you’re apologizing to try to appease Kento so he won’t be as angry with you for your betrayal—for not being the person he thought you were. Maybe you’re apologizing for not letting him continue to touch you—for stopping before you’re hurt again.

But Kento just shakes his head kindly, patting your back good-naturedly in response. “It’s okay sweetheart. You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. Shhhh, shhhhhh, you’re okay, it’s okay, shhhhh,” he coaxes gently.

“I’m sorry—sorry, ‘m really sorry f-for lying to you.” You keep apologizing, barely registering his words to you. All of your guilt from everything has cumulated, and though you’re apologizing for lying, deep down you’re apologizing for much, much more.

“It’s okay, darling,” Kento tells you quietly, ever so patient as you choke on sob after sob. “I’m not upset with you, it’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong, I’m not angry, baby.”

His voice is so achingly gentle, and the way he rubs circles into your back makes your heart break and shatter. How can a person be filled with so much good? You expected anger and rejection, but Kento is being so accepting and sweet it makes you break down into tears. After being mistreated for so long, it feels odd to be embraced so wholly and kindly, and you feel like you don’t deserve to be treated with so much care.

Kento, however, is on a mission to make you feel better. He gracefully waves off your apologies, insisting that it’s okay, that you have nothing to be sorry for. Instead, he apologizes, bowing his head as he begs your forgiveness for overstepping your boundaries. When you shake your head vehemently, insisting he didn’t do anything wrong, he just scolds you gently, “You don’t need to take the blame for everything—it’s okay to give yourself a break. I know I hurt you, and I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I want you to know that I’m deeply sorry. I pushed you past what you were comfortable with and it’s not your fault, it’s mine.”

That makes you go quiet, the silence split only by your uneven and choppy breathing—remnants of the tears still sporadically tumbling from your lashes. Kento’s apology is earnest, and his insistence that you not blame yourself makes you see the situation in a new light.

Maybe he’s right. Maybe it’s okay for you to give yourself a break once in a while. Maybe you didn’t do anything wrong and you’re just so used to being told it was your fault that you’ve come to believe it. Maybe, even if he didn’t mean you any harm, he still hurt you, and you deserved his apology for the way it scared you.

You’re silent for a little while longer, but then you reach up and pat him on the head, fluffy strands of hair ruffled by the act of affection.

“Thank you, Ken,” you tell him with a sweet, forgiving smile. “Thank you for apologizing, but I don’t blame you for what happened. You didn’t know my exact boundaries and you didn’t mean to hurt me. It’s okay, really.”

However, there’s still one more thing in the back of your mind bothering you.

“But… Do you still.. want to be with me? I mean, does it bother you that—that—” You break off, unable to finish your sentence.

“Hey, hey, hey. Look at me, love.” Kento pulls back slightly, one arm cradling your back as the other moves to wipe at a stray tear on your cheek. “This doesn’t change anything, okay? You’re still the same person I fell in love with, and I’m not ‘bothered’ by anything about you. Nothing about this is your fault, and I would never treat it as such.”

You nod, relief written all over your face as you breathe out, “Okay, okay.”

“Seriously,” he huffs. “Where are you getting these silly ideas from? I would never leave you, especially not over this.”

Kento seems almost offended that you think he’d stoop so low, tapping your nose as he clucks his tongue in disapproval. You just shrug self-consciously, a little flustered by how sincere he’s being.

“Okay, then,” you sigh dramatically, scrubbing away at the last of your tears. “I guess I’ll have to just take one for the team and stay with you forever—since you’re obviously so obsessed with me.”

“Oh yeah?” he murmurs, a smile twitching at the corners of his lips. “You’re quite generous, entertaining this obsession.”

“Yup,” you confirm, waving a dismissive hand as you continue in a conspiratorial whisper, “It’s your lucky day. I’m running a one-night special where I grant the favors of my fans.” A grin is slowly making its way onto your face, and your smile bleeds into your tone when you tease, “Don’t get too excited though—I know it’s big news.”

Kento has the most lovesick look on his face as he looks down at you, shaking his head in amusement. “Well, I’m certainly one lucky fan.”

And you giggle at that, wrapping your arms around his middle as you snuggle into his hold. “You’re my favorite fan,” you mumble into his shirt, pressing your cheek against his chest to listen to his steady heartbeat.

“Hey, does that mean you have other fans you like?”

—

bonus:

“What are you watching?” You ask, poking your head over Kento’s shoulder to peek at the video he’s watching on his phone.

He jumps up, shutting off the screen immediately, stuttering, “N-nothing, darling.”

You’re unconvinced, reaching for his phone as you squint at him. “Really? You seem awfully jumpy for someone doing ‘nothing,’” you deadpan. Then, you narrow your eyes, accusing, “You better not be watching extra episodes of that kdrama you said you hated without me. I know you secretly love it—it’s okay, you can admit it!”

You’ve got a smug grin on your face and Kento doesn’t even try to fight it as you enter the passcode to his phone (your birthday, of course), accepting defeat and rubbing at his temples as the screen unlocks to the Youtube video he’d been watching. He’d rather endure the teasing than try to wrestle the device away from you and accidentally hurt or scare you in the process.

“‘Helping Someone Who Is Having A Panic Attack,’” you read out loud, glancing up at your boyfriend as your eyes widen, grin slowly fading. You click on his watch history, jaw dropping as you see his recently played videos.

What Is A Panic Attack?

How To Help Your Friend During A Panic Attack

Signs Of Hyperventilation And How To Stop Hyperventilating

Best Breathing Technique To Calm Panic Attacks And Anxiety

What NOT To Say To Someone Who Is Having An Anxiety Attack

“Oh my.. Oh my god. Oh my god, Ken.” Your eyes have welled up with tears. You can’t believe he’s been researching how to help you—you don’t even have words to describe how emotional this makes you feel.

Kento has a sheepish look on his face, a little embarrassed you caught him binging those videos. “Yeah… I uh..” He clears his throat awkwardly. “Just wanted to… yknow…” He shrugs, and it’s pathetic and lame and it makes you love him that much more. “Wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing… Just in case you ever get… scared.. again.” He coughs a little, looking self-conscious. “Not—not that I think it’ll happen again but—”

You cut him off before he can get another word in, practically suffocating him as you wrap him up in a tight hug. Your arms around his neck are squeezing, but Kento doesn’t make any moves to stop you. Instead, he wraps his arms around your waist, turning his head to press a kiss to your cheek as you whisper, “Thank you,” voice thick with emotion.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

—

if you've made it this far: thank you for reading :) please take care of yourself, and for all of my survivors out there, please know that it's not your fault, never will be your fault, and never has been your fault!! i love you all and i hope everybody has a great rest of their summer :D

#this was fucking phenomenal #essa's recs

[levi-my-beloved]

@peace-for-levi come get yo man

[levi-my-beloved]

loving the lord of the rings so far

[levi-my-beloved]

Do not come into my room or look at me.

Do not come into my room without an appointment

[levi-my-beloved]

this is getting out of hand for somETHING THAT WASN'T PLANNED WHY IS IT GOING TO BE MULTI-CHAPTER NOW WHY DO I HAVE A PLOT AND STORY AND CHARACTER ARCS AND ARGGGGGGGGG

the urge to write a harry potter au is so FUCKING strong right now everytime i rewatch these films i just wanna put levi in hufflepuff with a ravenclaw reader iS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK I WANNA WRITE THEM PLAYING QUIDDITCH AGAINST EACH OTHER AND STUDYING ASTRONOMY TOGETHER AND LEARNING FUN POTIONS I WANNA SEE LEVI SASS AGAINST SNAPE AND READER HELP HAGRID WITH HIS PETS PLSSSSSSSS

#NO. #I REFUSE #THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE TEMPORARY #HHHHHHHHHHHH #i gave in but at what cost... #alL OF MY FREE TIME THAT WAS THE COST HNGGGGGGGGGG

[levi-my-beloved]

pls rb for a larger sample size c:

[levi-my-beloved]

Fuck a personality test. Which label sticker r u?

#this entire hellsite is -animal in heat- #prove me wrong.

[levi-my-beloved]

i gave in...

the urge to write a harry potter au is so FUCKING strong right now everytime i rewatch these films i just wanna put levi in hufflepuff with a ravenclaw reader iS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK I WANNA WRITE THEM PLAYING QUIDDITCH AGAINST EACH OTHER AND STUDYING ASTRONOMY TOGETHER AND LEARNING FUN POTIONS I WANNA SEE LEVI SASS AGAINST SNAPE AND READER HELP HAGRID WITH HIS PETS PLSSSSSSSS

#LOOK JUST FOR A WHILE WHILST IM ON THIS HP KICK #i just can't get hufflepuff levi out of my head and i HAVE to write him playing quidditch #against reader... #because what's a relationship without competition? #i have everyone's houses already sorted because we stan slytherin erwin #SLYTHERIN IS NOT BAD BEFORE ANYONE GETS ON MY ASS ABOUT THAT #ya'll get one guess as to where Hange is... #ACKERBOND IS NOT GONE BTW #i have a chapter ready and waiting i just need to beta and proofread it #i just need this out my hair pls pls pls